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jaehyunskitten22 · 4 years

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(Poly!) Wonho x Changkyun x Chubby!Reader - Two’s a Party… Prequel (Changkyun x Chubby!Reader Smut)

prequel // part one // part two //

Summary: If you were wondering what exactly happened to make Y/N pull away from Changkyun, wonder no more because this is why. Hint: It wasn’t just because he got a boyfriend

AKA: You’ve never had an orgasm and he decides to change that. He has a dirty mouth, but are we even surprised (no).

A/N- I apologize for this going up late. “Finishing touches” turned into me reworking the whole thing, and i got a little carried away. I hope you guys enjoy!

Tags: @coolcat494

Changkyun had always made you feel special. He teased you, flirted with you, and never hesitated to let other people know how much you meant to him. He wasn’t ashamed of you. There were even times where he chose to hang out with you alone over your mutual group of friends; opting instead to lay next to you in bed and talk into the night about your fears and whispered secrets that you would never tell each other during the day. The things said during this time always felt so much more serious and intimate; how much you meant to him, how often he thought of you, how you made him feel, all took a different meaning when he was laying next to you and cupping your cheek in his hand.

This particular night had started off no different. Except that night he was quizizing you about your love life, how much experience you had because he had “never seen you with a partner and he was curious”. You had never had a partner, had never touched or been touched by anyone (besides him and his light caresses and touches). You had never even really explored yourself sexually, not being able to kick the notion of you not being able to be sexy due to how you looked. Girls like you weren’t really in porn or in any form of media really, so it was only natural for you to internalize the idea of you not being “allowed” to feel good in that way, because you had never seen anyone like you feel good in that way. You knew it sounded ridiculous and that it was irrational but you just couldn’t get past it. He kept asking and asking, saying that he wasn’t going to judge you and you eventually relented.

“None.” You rolled over to your back and stared up at the ceiling.

“No masturbation? No partner? No self exploration?” He quizzed. You shook your head and looked over at him, biting your lip when he didn’t say anything. Then he shook his head and laughed. He freaking *laughed*. You groaned and completely checked out of the moment, turning over in bed so your back was facing him. As if you didn’t feel weird enough about it already.

“No! No, turn back around…” He was still slightly laughing as he tugged at your arm, waiting for you to respond, but you remained silent. “I’m not making fun of you, I promise.” Silence. “It’s just- ugh…” He groaned.

What was a good way to put this? That you were so cute and sometimes you looked so fuckable and hard to resist that he had just assumed that you had slept with a few people already? That he sometimes liked to imagine you being in your bed late at night, hand under the covers and getting yourself off while thinking about the ways he had touched you? And never masturbating? He knew you were innocent but this was to another level. The whole situation was wild to him.

Despite this shock, he found himself getting turned on at this new information. He wanted to help you, guide you in the right direction and help you explore yourself and your sexuality. He could- in theory, of course- turn you into his little toy, tailored to his exact wants and needs. That was a little extreme, of course, but the possibility was still there and that excited him.

“I just think it’s surprising, is all. You’re hot, y’know? And hot people have no shortage of people wanting to sleep with them, so I just assumed…” He trailed off, really not knowing where he was going with this. “And then masturbation- I thought everyone did that, so you just surprised me. Can I ask why you don’t?”

“It’s dumb.” You grumbled, curling up as far away from him as the bed allowed, ending up at the edge. “I’ve just never seen people who look like me do stuff like that. I guess I just thought that I couldn’t for some reason. And besides, it’s not like I know how…” You trailed off and then added on a pouty “Maybe if you would spend less time teasing me and more time actually doing something, I wouldn’t be having this problem.” Was that an invitation?

“Y/N…”

“No. I don’t want to talk to you. You made fun of me.”

“I wasn’t trying to make fun of you…” He wrapped his arm around your waist and tugged your back flush to his chest. He gently brushed your hair away from your neck and brushed his nose against the skin, laughing at the slight shiver and goosebumps that the action caused. “I’m sorry that I made it come off that way.” He hesitantly lowered his lips down to your neck, “Am I heading in a good direction?” You nodded and he began pressing open-mouth kisses against your pulse point and occasionally adding his tongue into the mix, relishing in the way he felt your heart speed up against his tongue.

“You’d tell me if this was making you uncomfortable, right?” You nodded. “And you’ll tell me if and or when you want me to stop, right?” You nodded again. “Can you look at me and tell me that you will?”

You were a nervous wreck. Shy and overwhelmed, and he knew that. Part of him enjoyed it even, but he still needed to hear you say it. To tell him that you wanted him and that you were okay with where things were going, and that you would stop him if you wanted him to. You were quiet for a while and he worried that he had overstepped a boundary, preparing an apology until you slowly turned over with red cheeks and released a shaky sigh.

“Yes. Yes I’ll tell you if I want you to stop.” Your voice was small and breathy, and now he could really see the effect he was having on you. You were nervous, hesitant to look him in the eye and fidgeting with your fingers. Untouched (not that it really mattered), innocent, so clean and inexperienced. His to teach and guide. His hands would be the first ones to touch you…

“Good girl~” He purred, kissing you on the forehead and rolling you over to your back. He hovered over you on one arm, gently coaxing your legs open to rest between them. He rested his forehead against yours and watched your reactions closely just to make sure you felt okay. You brushed your nose against his and shyly smiled and in response he wrapped your leg around his hip and ran his hand up and down the outside of your thigh before trailing higher and caressing the uncovered skin on your hip. His eyes never left yours, his gaze shifting from innocent to playfully seductive; it made you feel small and weak in the best of ways, like he was your teacher, your guide. And you surprisingly liked that feeling, liked feeling like he was in control of you and your reactions and just seeing how desperate he could make you. You shifted your hips on the bed, trying to reach some sort of relief from the pressure that you were feeling in your lower stomach.

“So squirmy~” he murmured with a smile, keeping his hips just out of reach of yours. Your pupils were blown and your breathing was starting to get heavier and you looked so needy, lips parted and skin flushed. While he wanted to do anything he could to get rid of that need, he couldn’t resist teasing you a little bit. So he slowly slipped his hand underneath your shirt and ghosted his fingers against your soft skin, just below your breasts, even going up your side and resting his hand next to your breast, but never touching. He repeated the circuit over and over again, each time getting closer to closing his palm completely over your breast but never quite getting there. You whined and pushed your chest into his hand, trying to get him to stop teasing, to just touch you and put out the fire that had erupted over your sensitive skin. You had thrown an arm over your eyes, hiding your face from his view and he felt a thrill surge through him at the action. He really was the first person to touch you like this. He was the first person to make you do this, to make you whimper and pant. There was something so innocent and cute about how you hid from him, and yet it was so… erotic.

“Shy?” He bit his lip when you nodded and moved his hand out from under your shirt and you whined at the loss of contact, causing him to let out an almost smug sounding laugh. He had barely even touched you and you looked so far gone and desperate. He thought you looked beautiful all the time, but this… this was something else.

“Don’t worry… I’m going to take care of you.” He smiled as he ran his thumb across your jaw and bottom lip and he brushed his nose against yours again. He wanted to see if he could get you to react; if he could get you to take what you wanted, even if it was something small.

And take you did. You growled in annoyance when he barely ghosted his lips on top of yours and you retaliated by grabbing his face in your hands and yanking his lips down to yours. It was clumsy but it was kissing you; it was hot and it surrounded him with you, you, you, and he just couldn’t get enough. He finally pressed his body flush to yours, groaning when he immediately felt your hips start to grind against his. Such a needy, slutty baby. So far gone, humping against him like you would die if you didn’t. So inexperienced, body just doing what felt good to relieve that ache that he knew you were feeling. You felt so warm and he swore that he could feel your wetness through your underwear and shorts.

He somehow managed to position himself in such a way that had his clothed cock sliding between your swollen pussy lips, the head rubbing your clit at every pass. He started thinking about how pretty your little pussy must look; swollen and wet, and how it felt; snug and warm…

Oh. *Oh*. This was a lot. This was a little fast. You liked it, of course you liked it; your hot best friend was on top of you and kissing you like you were the most desirable thing in the world and- wait, did *you* make him that hard? But what the hell was this? What did this mean? What would this mean later on? Would he regret it? Would you?

Your thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of his fingers slowly tracing up the inside of your thigh, cupping your pussy through your shorts. You should stop. He was going to regret this, you knew it. But you liked it. You really wanted it. He could stop if he wanted to, he knew that. He was the one always telling you to relax and just let yourself enjoy things, to live in the moment and not worry about the future…

“What’re you thinking about?” He had pulled away when he felt your lips lose a little bit of their newfound rhythm and they went a little too lax; your body language just changing in a way that didn’t feel quite right to him, so he wanted to check in. You just shook your head in response and tried to press your lips against his again, and he let you have your way for a little while before pulling away again and rolling off of you, propping his head up with one arm and running his thumb against your cheek.

“Ah ah ah. You said you’d tell me if you didn’t like something”

“And I didn’t.”

“I know you didn’t, I want to know why.”

“Because you weren’t doing anything that I didn’t like.” He couldn’t help himself, he had to laugh a little at how pouty and huffy you sounded. He studied your face for a little while, trying to figure out how truthful you were being. Seemingly satisfied, he rolled you back over and opted to stay laying next to you, lightly ghosting his fingers against the skin of your inner thigh, gently coaxing them back open, his fingers making contact with your covered slit…

“Then what’s wrong?” Oh come on. His fingers were still lightly caressing your clothed sex, but there was no real intention behind the action, touching you just enough to keep you stimulated, but doing nothing more than that. You scowled and remained silent.

“Baby~” he hummed, his lips ghosting against your ear, “I can- and will, if I have to- tease you all night…” You whimpered at the thought and you felt him grin against your ear.

What really was the harm in telling him? If you didn’t tell him he wasn’t going to continue, and if you did tell him- that you thought he was going to regret this, that is- and he agreed, he would still stop.

“You’re going to regret this. Or you mi-” You were cut off by your own whimper, him caging you against the mattress and his hand once again returning to its original pressure, nuzzling his head into your neck and assaulting it with his tongue and lips.

“That it?” You nodded, and he shook his head and you felt him smile against your neck, pressing one last kiss to the skin before pulling away. “Doubtful. You’re my best friend and I love you and-” he paused to lean his mouth close to your ear, finishing in a whisper, “and I’ve always loved fucking you up...” You let out a breathy laugh in response, quietly informing him that you were already very fucked up, but nonetheless picking up on what he was getting at. He just wanted you to feel good. He pulled away and looked at you while wiggling his fingers, “can I do that?” You blushed and went to punch him in the shoulder, your hand being grabbed and held against the mattress before it got anywhere close to making contact.

You stayed silent, really wanting him to continue but suddenly being worried about how he would do it, how it would feel; What would he do if you couldn’t come? Was he even trying to do that?

“You get into your own head way too much.” He chastised. He knew that you were terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing, of making him uncomfortable, scared of letting go for him, so he decided to change his approach. He flipped over to his back and brought you on top of him, fitting one of his thighs between your legs

“Did what I was doing feel good to you?” You nodded. “Would you like to feel that feeling again?” You nodded again. He slipped his hands down to your butt, squeezing and laughing at your squeal.. “Then only focus on that. Focus on now, not tomorrow. And I promise you, there is absolutely nothing that you could do wrong right now. You have all of the control. Just take what you want, and if you decide that you’ve had enough we can stop, okay?” He wrapped one arm around you, cradling you to his chest and the other going to your hip, gently guiding you into a slow drag against his thigh. And he was a little surprised at what he felt. You were soaked, everytime you moved he could hear it and he knew you could too because he felt you tense up and start to pull away again. Before you could even open your mouth- for what you had no idea, perhaps to apologize for being a desperate mess- he cut you off with a hiss, your thigh rubbing against his erection just right.

“I wanna make you feel good, okay? Don’t worry about me.. ” He trailed off, eyes rolling back into his head when you continued to brush against him. You were so soft, warm breasts pressing against his chest and the weight of your body holding him down in the best of ways. He liked this. He had already known that he was going to enjoy this. But this was very very good to him. He couldn’t think of a better feeling, his hot and soft best friend slowly grinding her pretty little pussy on his thigh and your chubby thigh grinding against his cock just right.

You kept going, albeit a little hesitantly, probably curious about how he would react. He felt his stomach tighten and screwed his eyes shut, trying to ignore how good you were making him feel. When you adjusted your position and it grinded on him a little harder he outright moaned, hands shooting out to stop your hips.

“Y/N…” He hummed in slight warning and you whined on top of him, burying your head into his chest. You couldn’t help it, not when you had had a taste of him grinding his dick into your pussy moments ago. You couldn’t stop thinking about it, and hearing him moan because of you was addicting, your stomach fluttering at the thought of him getting off because of you. That's what you wanted.

“You said I could take what I wanted. I want to make you feel good too…” You felt yourself blush at the mumbled confession. What if he didn’t want that? What if he was only doing all of this because he felt sorry for you and he actually hated it?

He thought about it. This was about giving you a sexual awakening of sorts, to touch you and help you experience pleasure and explore your sexuality. Why should he stop you from exploring him too, if that’s what you wanted? It’s not like he didn’t want it too.

“Tell you what. You can do whatever you want, however you want to do it. But I don’t want you only thinking about getting me off. Focus on yourself getting off, and whatever happens with me, happens. Sound okay?” You lifted your head up and hesitantly looked at him, wondering if he really meant what he said.

“However I want to do it?” He nodded. “And whatever happens, happens?” He nodded again, kind of worried about what you had going on in that pretty head of yours. He got an idea of just what that might be when you straddled his hips instead, and he assumed that you were attempting to nestle his cock in your slit, just like the way he was doing to you before. He relaxed against the pillows, watching you try to adjust his erection so you could grind against the underside, trying to feel his tip bump into your little clit without touching him.

“Such a shy little thing~” He teased, laughing when you whined. He was half tempted to grab your hand and wrap it around his cock for you, wanting to see your innocent hands in such a dirty act. He wanted to ruin your innocence, turn you into his little toy. Instead he jokingly scolded you for making him do all the work, his words dying on his lips when he felt your warmth envelope him.

You gave an experimental and gentle roll of your hips and your eyes fluttered closed as you hung your head down, trying to hide how good you were feeling (at least he hoped that's what you were doing). He had the urge to do whatever it took to get you to let out some noise, grabbing your hips and pulling you down harder against him, making the entirety of your pussy slide up and down his hard on and causing you to let out the cutest little mewl. You bit your lip, trying to contain those noises but he caught your lips in a hot kiss, coaxing your lips open with the tip of his tongue and lightly licking into your mouth. He told you to keep your mouth open, to let him hear those little noises fall from your pretty lips before kissing you again, tangling his tongue with yours. Your hips picked up their rhythm again as you rested your elbows on either side of his head, whimpering into his mouth at the change of angle.

He wished you were both naked, your soft skin and body completely pressed against his more slender form, nothing separating you two. He just wanted to feel your skin, all of your skin, underneath the palms of his hands, your wet pussy lips directly on his naked cock. He wondered if you would be so wet that he would be able to hear it, the sticky, squelching noise making you blush and try to hide from him. He slid his hands underneath your shirt, lightly dragging his nails up and down your back, marking his new baby. You nuzzled your head into the crook of his neck, panting and yelping when he managed to shift your position to one that put your clit directly onto his cock.

“Clothes are gonna be all sticky.” He panted, capturing your lips in another kiss, pulling away and resting your forehead against his, making you keep eye contact. “I feel how soaked you are. So warm and wet. Wonder what it would feel like, wrapped around my cock.” You whimpered at his dirty mouth, wanting to desperately close your eyes but being unable to break away from his gaze. He groaned at the fucked out look in your eyes, showing just how much control he had over you. He was aware of the tone his voice was taking, no longer being able to resist completely taking the lead. He wanted to make sure you were getting as much as you could out of this, that you were aware of all the dirty and sinful things he was thinking about.

“Can’t take them off though. I’d get my come all over you. Maybe even inside of you...” Your hips stuttered on top of his, a low moan spilling from that pretty mouth of yours and your eyes slipping closed. You liked the idea of that. Your pussy being covered in his come, being marked by him in such a filthy way. What was wrong with you? Why did you like that? What was he doing to you?

“Oh, the pretty little baby likes that, doesn’t she? You want me to get you messy with my come? Wanna feel it inside of you?” He couldn’t resist talking to you like this, especially when you reacted so strongly. But he could tell that you were feeling ashamed and embarrassed, not knowing where these desires were coming from. He captured your lips in a sweet and gentle kiss, completely contrasting with the current mood between the two of you.

“It's okay to like things like that, baby. I like things like that too. You’re perfect.” He was suddenly overwhelmed with the need to hear your voice, to hear how you were feeling, what you were thinking about. He wanted to know what you fantasized about.

“Tell me what you’re thinking about, I want to hear you. It doesn’t have to be something big, just tell me something.”

What were you thinking about exactly? You were thinking about him, how you had always thought you were wrong for wanting this with him, for wanting him to touch you, for wanting to touch him. You hated how much you liked this, liked him. You hated knowing that this was most likely just sex to him, nothing more, hated how stupid you felt for liking someone like Changkyun when you knew that he was never going to be truly into you the same way you were into him.

But he always made sure you were okay. He always made sure that you felt important and included. He never judged you for how needy you could get around him, how pouty and whiny he could make you with as little as a look

“You take such good care of me. You always have. Make me feel helpless, and it feels so good. You feel so fucking good.” You were terrified of what he was going to think about that, what he would say, so you captured his lips in a bruising kiss, whining when you felt him pull you closer with his hands tangled into your hair as he slipped his tongue into your mouth.

Changkyun felt his stomach tighten at your words, them bringing him that much closer to his end. He was so glad that you could feel how much he cared about you, that he made you feel good, that he was making you feel good now. That’s all he wanted, was to make you feel good and taken care of. That’s all that mattered. When he tried to pull away and tell you this you refused, pressing your lips harder against his. He chuckled lowly in the back of his throat, realizing what you were trying to do. You didn’t want him to respond, how cute. He knotted his hand in the hair at the back of your head and firmly tugged, breaking free from your lips when you whimpered.

“Fuck…” He growled, tracing his thumb over your swollen, red lips, smirking when your tongue poked out to lick at the tip. “Such a good girl for letting me inside your head. Look so beautiful right now, all fucked out and we haven’t even taken off our clothes. Think you can come for me?” You nodded, wanting to make him happy and proud of you, to feel good.

You ground your hips with a newfound fervor, realising just how tight your lower stomach felt. You dug your nails into his shoulders, balancing on a knife’s edge. You knew as soon as you let go that you would be truly fucked over, you just knew that sex or intimacy or whatever you wanted to call it was never going to be this good again. No one could make you feel the way Changkyun could. You would never get over him after this.

But you could feel him throbbing beneath you, encouraging you to go just a bit longer, that you were making him feel so good and that you were going to make a mess out of the both of you. Your hips started to stutter, the exhaustion starting to catch up to you. You had been sitting on the edge for so long that you honestly didn’t know how to let go.

“Gonna give it to me?” You whimpered low in your throat and tucked your head into the crook of his neck, almost afraid of the intense feeling that you felt bubbling up inside you. He could feel you starting to tense up, holding the foreign, intense feeling back. You were scared of the intensity, and his heart flipped in his chest, knowing that you holding it back was going to make it that much stronger.

“I know you’re scared, baby. But I have you. You’re safe, I won’t let anything bad happen to you. I promise.” You felt so vulnerable and weak and like you would break apart if he wasn’t there to hold all of your pieces together. But at the same time you felt like he was the one tearing you apart, somehow getting inside of your head, knowing exactly what to say and making you hang onto his every word. He had control over you, and you knew that through this control he was guiding you and protecting you from all of the bad in the world. He would always make sure you were safe.

You suddenly threw your arms around his neck and tugged him impossibly closer, needing to feel him, all of him against you. You whimpered into his neck as you shook in his arms, that feeling of safety and protection sending you over the edge. You felt like you were feeling everything and nothing at once, the intense, blinding pleasure dulling all of your senses. Your body had gone rigid on top of him, your hips stopping their movements and you felt the sensation start to fizzle out at the very edges, until he took control of your hips slowly grinding into your clit and prolonging the pleasure for as long as he possibly could.

He couldn’t get over how beautiful your noises were, how good it felt to be the reason you were shaking that way, the reason you had gotten so wet and warm. He slid his hands down your back, pushing you down and grinding up into your pussy. You sobbed into his neck when the tip of his cock caught your clit and he stayed there repeating the motion over and over again. Your body was so tight from the prolonging of your orgasm that you couldn’t get away from him, couldn’t relax, couldn’t do anything besides take everything he gave you.

It was your broken sob that sent him over the edge, the feeling starting in his lower gut and quickly overtaking him, a groan resonating from deep within his chest. He felt his hot come spill into his briefs, the head throbbing against your clit and making you whimper. He ground you down as long as he could stand it, knowing that you would take it for him, take the overstimulation like the good girl he knew you were. He finally let you relax against his chest, hands going up to rub your back and help you come down from your high completely.

Something was wrong. You didn’t feel right. You felt fragile and scared and almost a sense of impending doom, like something bad was going to happen. You felt your heart rate kick up again and you started to shiver. You couldn’t stop. You felt so empty and confused. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Did you do something wrong?

You two laid like that for a while, in a post-orgasm daze and not saying anything. He needed to get you both cleaned up, as you had started to shiver in his arms and he figured that it had something to do with how you had soaked through your underwear and shorts.

He felt that something was wrong before he even really consciously noticed it. He instinctively tried to pull you out of his neck to check on you, but you immediately panicked, tightening your hold on him and repeatedly telling him no anytime he tried to move you.

“I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.” You repeated it over and over again into his neck and it would have been cute if you hadn’t sounded so scared and disoriented. He wrapped his arms around your once again shaking form, cradling you to his chest and cooing into your ear about how much he loved you too, how you had been so good for him, that he was proud of you for letting him in like that, that he wasn’t going to leave, anything he could think of to try and soothe you.

Sub drop.

Changkyun hadn’t even thought about the possibility of it being an issue. He hadn’t hit you, yelled at you, punished you, called you degrading names. But he had still put you into a submissive headspace and he distinctly remembered noticing it. He should have been talking to you as soon as he was able, praising you immediately afterwards, anything. He should have warned you about it before you even began. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

“Baby I’m so sorry. You’re having sub drop, and it's normal. I should have told you about it before we did anything.” He explained that it usually happened after more intense sex sessions (which is why he didn’t think to mention it) but this was your first time doing anything like this so obviously this was very intense for you, and you were understandably emotional and a little on edge the whole time, and that this feeling was just a reaction to you being off of that edge now.

You talked about how you were feeling, how you had went from feeling everything at once to nothing and it scared you, how you thought you did something wrong because he didn’t say anything for a while, that he didn’t like you anymore, and that he was going to leave you.

“I know that it’s dumb…”

“You’re feelings are not dumb. They matter. But,” He kissed you on the nose and rested his forehead against yours, “you did nothing wrong, you did everything perfectly,” you whined and tried to hide your face from him, not liking the praise. “No~ I’m serious. You were perfect. You’re always perfect. You’re my best friend and I love you more than anything, I’m never going to leave you, I promise.” He kissed you on the cheek and hugged you again and you guys sat in silence once more, contemplating what this meant for your friendship. Despite his reassurances you didn’t have high hopes, you knew that you would be unable to look at him as just a friend now and it sounded like that was what he was wanting to be. He didn’t want to think about this having a negative impact on your friendship, rather hoping that it just made you guys closer.

“You really did make a mess out of both of us, though”

“Stopppppp!”

“No, seriously, that was an intense orgasm. It was for me anyway, I’m assuming it was for you too, considering you’ve never had one and all…” He smirked, “until I gave you one.” He winked at you and got out of reach of your fist just in time, laughing the whole time.

“Oh my God, would you shUT UP?”

Maybe it was the lack of things not changing between you two that made you feel like you were okay with being just friends. Maybe it was just because part of you hoped, even though you knew that it was unlikely, that he reciprocated your feelings and was keeping it to himself.

That’s probably why him getting with Hoseok a few weeks later felt like such a punch to the gut.

#changkyun #i.m.#changkyun smut #changkyun scenarios #i.m. smut #i.m. scenarios #monsta x #monsta x smut #monsta x scenarios

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lesbiansandgayssupporttheminers · 4 years

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I'm kinda freaking out. People are talking about food not coming in. Does this mean there'll be rations on stuff? I can't see my family this year, which is just depressing. I have no clue if I'm gonna have to do my A levels exams. If they are cancelled then how will results be decided?? I've fallen off the wagon with my maths hw, will that fuck me over?? No clue if we're going back to school in the new year given how quick massive changes are being made. There's a new covid strain that's apparently more contagious!? Does this mean the vaccine will be useless now? ...It's just a lot y'know? Do you by any chance have any tips on how to calm down?

1) Most food is still able to come in at the moment- there are no restrictions on what can come across the border.

The current issue is that France have said no people (including lorry drivers) are allowed into France from the UK. Which means there are a LOT of lorries stuck in Kent with nowhere to go- which causes delays. It also means EU drivers don’t want to come over here and get stuck.

Unaccompanied freight can still come over, so AFIAK it’s mostly refrigerated lorries which are affected, and there are other routes in and out of the UK. But it will all have a knock on effect and we can probably expect to see random shortages in the shops for the next few weeks at least- not of everything but it might be e.g. no tomatoes or no cheese or whatever.

Of course, if we have No Deal Brexit, that compounds the situation, because then, in theory, we have to customs check everything that comes in. Chances are we won’t, we’ll just wave everything on through, but again, getting things back out will be an issue and EU firms will be less keen to deliver stuff to the UK.

There’s already been disruption to the supply chain due to Covid, and Christmas is a disruptive time of year anyway. Supermarkets have plans, but it’s very likely we’d have a bit of an uncomfortable time- I don’t think it would be rationing levels uncomfortable, but you might not be able to get all the food you like. Which is a major issue for people with allergies/intolerances/restricted diets, who may have a limited amount of safe food.

I don’t think we’ll see official rationing, but it might be like March/April, where supermarkets put in their own restrictions.

The major pain will be for our exporters and anyone in manufacturing who rely on certain parts being able to get through in a timely manner.

2) We’ve got no word on A-level exams - at the moment they are going ahead as normal. Last year, CAGs would take into account mock performance and your assessments in class over the year, but this year it’s likely teachers will have less data. I’d try to get back on the wagon with your homework- either way it can only help you.

3) At the moment, if you’re in Y13 and you’re in school rather than a sixth form college, you should be in school on 4th Jan or whenever term starts. Exam years are to be in as normal. I would assume that plan is going ahead until something changes- I reckon it’s unlikely they will change it again. It’s more likely other years will go on a rota or something.

4) The vaccine apparently works on the new strain- but it means all of us need to be more careful (especially teenagers who are more prone to the new strain) until we can get vaccinated.

I know it’s all super stressful, and I had a bit of a panic the other night too. If you’re feeling panicky all the time and can’t calm down, please contact your GP. It’s normal to feel anxious to some extent- this is scary stuff. But if you feel panicky for hours or days at a time, then definitely talk to a healthcare professional.

Sometimes it can help to focus on the things you can control- like doing your maths homework and wearing a mask when you go out and sticking to the rules on socialising. Sometimes it might be good to take a short break from the news- especially over Christmas.

If you are really worried, maybe talk to your parents about how you could take that first week in January off.

But feeling a bit anxious, some of the time, about a global pandemic and no deal brexit is also normal. They are both scary prospects, and it is normal to be a bit scared of them.

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skywardsoul · 4 years

Text

Stories From the Sidelines: Chapter 2

Yeah believe it or not, I actually uploaded a second chapter to my Little Witch Academia fic that focuses on the background characters. Sure it’s almost been two years since chapter 1, better late than never right! Chapter 2 stars Sarah’s teammate Chloé and her one sided rivalry with Diana.

Read it on AO3: Here

Read it on FF.Net: Here

Unknown to most of its student body, there was a war raging in the halls of Luna Nova. A war being fought for honor, integrity, and the truth. The young witches that blissfully walked the campus may have been unaware of its importance, but for Chloé LeBlanc, it was her reality. The day would come when she would conquer this fight, when she would finally show her peers the truth! The day when she would prove to everyone, student and teacher alike, that she was a better witch than Diana Cavendish.

For the life of her Chloé could never understand just what everyone saw in Diana. She swore that she couldn’t go ten minutes without one of her brainwashed peers throwing out a “Wow Diana!,” or a “You’re so talented Diana!” So what she was good at a couple of spells? It’s not like she could pull off anything their teachers couldn’t! So what she was from a fancy noble family! As far as Chloé could tell there were several girls in her year with noble blood. Hell Chloé herself was from a long and historic magical lineage. The difference was she didn’t feel the need to flaunt it around like Diana did.

Every other word outta that snobbish brit’s mouth was about her dumb family. “The Cavendish family honor,” this and “My duty as a Cavendish,” that. And yet no one but her seemed to care. All the other girls, especially Barbra Parker and Hannah England, ate up that crap like it was a freaking ice cream sundae. They just loved to hear all about Diana’s dumb family history and her dumb realtives, and her dumb ancestorial connection to one of the olde nine witches. And Woodward knows that Diana was all too eager to tell them about it.

The LeBlanc family was just as storied and important as the Cavendish lineage, yet no one seemed to be chomping at the bit to ask Chloé about her history. For generations, witches of the LeBlanc name were crucial parts of the magical community. Her great great grandmother Belle was one of the founding members of the great mages library. Her great uncle Auguste revolutionized the magical culinary arts with his cooking. Even as recently as 16 years ago, her cousin Jean-Pierre helped to stop a dangerous drug trading coven. There was no shortage of excellent LeBlanc witches! Okay, yeah sure, her older sister Sherry might have gotten a bit too obsessed with that crazy motorcycle card game of hers, but that's hardly enough to erase the decades of impressive LeBlanc achievement. Didn’t seem to matter though, as these noble deeds meant nothing to the masses compared to Diana’s rambling.

The only other people who seemed to be immune to Diana’s annoying drivel was her teammate Sarah Bernhardt, and Sucy Manbavaran and Akko Kagari of the red team. Sarah was too much of a realist to get caught up in pointless hero worship, Chloé was pretty sure Sucy didn’t really care about anything, and Akko, poor, sweet, troublesome Akko, had convinced herself that Diana was her destined rival. A rivalry that the Japanese witch stood absolutely no chance in, but one that Chloé admired. Sure, She and Akko didn’t talk much, but Chloé saw her as a companion of sorts. The only other girl who was dying to see Diana get knocked down a peg.

And finally, after all this time, Chloé had found a way to make just that happen. A full proof plan that would once and for all prove herself to be a witch of equal, no, greater calibur than Diana Cavendish. Chloé grinned wickedly at the envelope she clutched to her chest. With her master piece in mind and her secret weapon in hand, Chloé proudly strode towards the peach team dorm. The last classes had just let out for the day, and the French girl was certain that both her teammates would already be back in their dorm. Not that she was eager to brag about her master plan or anything, Chloé just felt like talking to her friends was all. As she approached the door, Chloé’s suspicions were confirmed as she heard Sarah and Elfriede’s voices from within the room. With a confident smile on her face, Chloé threw open the door, just knowing her fellow peach team witches would be eager to listen to her magnum opus.

“I’m telling you El, that’s absolute nonsense,” Sarah said as she lay on her bed, looking up at the ceiling.

An annoyed grumble came from Elfriede who was sitting across the room on the bottom bunk of the bed she shared with Chloé.

“Oh what would you know about true love? Always looking at matters of the heart in black and white,” Elfriede retorted. The German witch had a book open on her lap. While Chloé couldn’t see the title from where she stood, she was certain it was probably another one of Elfriede’s trashy monster romance novels.

It was a sight that Chloé had gotten rather used to in her time at Luna Nova, as her teammates seemed to argue constantly like this. Elfriede would dream up some cheesy idealistic scene of love and confession and drama in her head, only to adamantly defend it when Sarah would ruthlessly point out how absurd it was. The arguments would never get mean spirited and they hardly ended in the two peach team members being genuinely upset with one another, but they did more often than not go on for a long time. Neither Elfriede nor Sarah was the backing down type, and as a result were more willing to waste an afternoon then admit they were being silly.

The fact that the two were in the midst of one such argument did not bode well for Chloé as neither had noticed her come in the door, and even worse, neither would be willing to hear about her awesome plan.

“All I’m saying is that true love is an unproven concept,” Sarah said, turning on her side to face Elfriede. “But you know what is a proven one?”

“What’s that?”

“Hunger. As soon as that lamia gets hungry, it doesn’t matter how ‘perfect for each other,’ they are. Goodbye lover boy or girl, you’re fucking dinner!” Sarah said, throwing up her hands for emphasis.

“Sarah!” Elfriede said with a huff. “You’re so morbid!”

“What? It’s the truth!”

“Ehem,” Chloé said with a cough, figuring now was as good a time as any to make her presence known.

Sarah and Elfriede both fell silent as they turned to look at Chloé.

“Oh hey Chloé,” Sarah said. “Didn’t see you come in. How long have you been standing there?”

Chloé walked forward and sat down at the desk the three shared.

“Long enough to know that you should cease this pointless argument before it becomes a whole ‘thing’,” She said with an air of authority. “And long enough to know that a certain team leader owe’s a coin to the swear jar.”

Sarah rolled her eyes and with a groan flopped onto her back.

“Seriously? I Didn’t even mean to! It just kinda slipped out.”

“Yes seriously,” Chloé said, grabbing the jar from its place on the desk and thrusting it towards Sarah.

The redhead grumbled under her breath as she sat up and dug for a coin in her pocket. Once the necessary penance was paid, Chloé put the jar down and turned to her roommates with a smile. It was time. Time for them to hear her plan.

“Girls, there’s something I would like to discuss with you.”

Chloé had only just said her first sentence when Sarah already let out another groan.

“What?” Chloé asked, somewhat put off.

“I know that face is what. It’s the ‘I’m gonna destroy Diana’ face.” Sarah said.

“I don’t have a ‘I’m gonna destroy Diana’ face!” Chloé retorted.

“Then what you have to tell us has nothing to do with Cavendish?”

“Well...not exactly…”

“See? I knew it,” Sarah said victoriously.

“You don’t understand Sarah!” Chloé said, excitedly shooting up from her chair. “This time it’s going to work! This time I’m going to show Diana what for!”

“That’s what you said about the swimsuit incident and we both know how that went,” Sarah said with a sigh.

Chloé’s response died in her throat as she felt her face heat up in embarrassment. Ah yes, the swimsuit incident. Not the LeBlanc family’s finest hour.

“This is different!” Chloé managed to say, blocking the embarrassing memory from her mind.

From behind her Elfriede joined Sarah in letting out a tired sigh.

“Do you really have to do all these schemes Chloé? Can’t you just try and get along with Diana?” the German girl questioned.

“Spoken like a true Cavendish apologist,” Chloé said with a ‘hmph’, crossing her arms.

“I’m not a ’Cavendish apologist,’ Chloé. That’s not even a thing. All I did was ask her for some help on the linguistics homework.”

“And that’s just how she lures you in!” Chloe said. “If you are truly loyal to the peach team and are not a Diana brain slave in the making, you’ll at least hear what I have to say.”

“Fine,” Elfriede said, resignation heavy in her voice. “Go ahead.”

“Sarah?” Chloé asked, whipping around to face her redheaded teammate.

Sarah gave her a frown, but relented all the same.

“Yeah go ahead. Regale us with your oh so clever plan.”

Chloé felt her heart race with excitement as her teammates gave her the all clear. They were clearly apprehensive at the moment but they’d surely change their tune once they heard her brilliance. Clearing her throat with a good cough, Chloé began her speech.

“Now, as you both know Diana Cavendish has garnered a rather annoying reputation as our grade’s, and perhaps the whole school’s, top witch. But do you know why that is?”

“Because she has an encyclopedic knowledge of all things magic?” Sarah said.

“No,” Chloé responded flatly.

“Is it because she’s dependable and is always there when her peers need her?” Elfriede asked innocently.

“No, wrong again,” Chloé said with a grumble.

“Oh, I know! It’s because she-”

“It’s because she supposedly gets top marks in all her classes!” Chloé said, cutting the German girl off.

“Well yeah,” Sarah said dryly. “She does get top marks in all her classes.”

Chloé couldn’t help but chuckle darkly at that. Oh how naive her team leader was.

“That’s where you’re wrong, my dear Sarah,” Chloé said with an evil grin. “For that is but an illusion, a lie that Diana has led the entire student body into believing. I, however, have seen the truth.”

“Which is…?” Elfriede asked tentatively.

“That Diana Cavendish has not, in fact received the best possible grades in all her classes, but has merely received them in most of her classes!” Chloé exclaimed.

A silent pause fell over the room. Sarah and Elfriede shared a look across the room before letting out a joint “huh?”

“Allow me to explain,” Chloé eagerly said, ignoring a groan from Sarah. “You see, last tuesday in potions class, while I was packing up our cauldron I noticed a certain British snob looking over the tests Professor Lukić had handed back to us.”

Chloé began to pace across the dorm room as she continued her story.

“Usually when Diana gets a test back, she simply nods her head before putting it away in her bag. Yet this time, this time was different,” Chloé said, ignoring Sarah’s interruption asking her how she knew exactly what Diana did with her tests.

“For whatever reason, Diana did not nod in confirmation when viewing this test, no she practically scoured at it. For on the top of that paper sat not the expected A+, no. The grade she had received was in fact...a B!” Chloé shouted.

Chloé whipped around to see her roommates' reaction. Neither had moved. They must have been reeling in shock at her revelation.

“A...B? That’s it?” Sarah asked

“Nay! It goes deeper!” Chloé responded. “You see I had to make sure I wasn’t mistaken, that I hadn’t been seeing things. Surely the oh so incredible Diana Cavendish hadn’t scored a grade not one, but three whole steps below an A+? But she had! And I have the proof!”

Chloé strode back to the desk and picked up the envelope she had been carrying earlier. It was time to deploy her secret weapon.

“Behold!” She said, opening the envelope and pulling out the paper within. “The record of Diana’s potions grades!”

“How on earth did you get that? Sarah asked somewhat worridley.

“I have my sources,” Chloé responded smugly.

“That sounds like an invasion of privacy Chloé,” Elfriede said.

“And kinda illegal,” Sarah added.

“Don’t get caught up in the details,” Chloé said, waving off her friend’s concerns. “Pay attention instead, to the truth!”

Chloé turned the grade sheet so that Sarah and Elfriede could see. Despite their misgivings, both girls leaned forward to read it.

“This page, this mere piece of paper is the key to toppling Diana! For it proves that not only did she indeed get a B on our last test, but that her class average is only a B+!! That’s right, not an A+, not a basic A, not even an A-, a humble B+.”

Chloé laughed wickedly as she threw the paper up in triumph. There! She had exposed the truth! Now both of her roommates were enlightened!

“Is...that it?” Sarah questioned.

Chloé stopped mid evil laugh to whip her attention back towards Sarah. This lukewarm reception was not the response she had been expecting.

“What do you mean is that it!? How is your mind not blown right now??” Chloé questioned angrily.

“Well, It’s just that, I don’t see how that’s a big deal?” Sarah said. Elfriede nodded in agreement.

“This seems pretty...normal?”

Impossible! Chloé could understand how a grounded person like Sarah could fail to see the bigger picture here but not Elfriede too!

“It’s not! Diana is supposed to be perfect! But here she is clearly achieving below perfect scores!”

“Everyone has something they aren’t good at Chloé,” Elfriede said. “It makes sense Diana would have a subject she struggles in too.”

“If you can even call a B+ average struggling,” Sarah added.

Chloé took a step back, wind knocked out of her sails. Clearly her teammates just couldn’t appreciate the gravity of her discovery.

“Hpmh. The two of you may not understand the opportunity at hand here, but that doesn’t mean I don’t.”

“And that opportunity is what exactly? Are you gonna go around the school screaming that Diana has a B in one subject?” Sarah asked.

“No! I’m not,” Chloé said. “If you must know, I will simply out perform her in potions class! When the school hears about how I, Chloé LeBlanc received a higher grade than Diana, they’ll realize that she’s just another witch. Just another girl in school, susceptible to normal grades just like the rest of us!”

Chloé crossed her arms and closed her eyes, a smug, satisfied smile on her face. A silence once again fell over the room until a nervous sound from Elfriede broke it.

“Uh, Chloé? Isn’t there something...wrong with your plan?” the German girl asked.

Chloé’s eyes flew open, and she turned to face Elfriede with a frown.

“Like what?” She asked.

“Like the fact that your shit at potions? Almost as shit as me?” Sarah said deadpan.

“Language!” Chloé retorted angrily, shoving the swear jar back in Sarah’s face.

Sarah starred her down with a frown as she dropped another coin into the jar.

“I am aware of my...lack of skills, when it comes to brewing potions. I know that I can’t beat Diana with luck alone,” Chloé explained. “But I have that covered! You see, I’m going to get a tutor, and under their tutelage, am going to work nonstop until I’m confident that I will achieve the A+ that Diana cannot!”

“That’s your big plan? To study?” Sarah asked incredulously. “That’s what you should be doing anyway for a class you suck at!!”

“You’re failing to see the bigger picture Sarah.”

“Oh yeah? Who are you gonna get to tutor you anyway? It’ll take a godd- er, gosh-darn genius to polish your skills.”

Chloé chuckled to herself smugly. “Oh don’t you worry about that Sarah. I’ve got my eyes on the best potion master in our grade!”

“Sucy Manbavaran?”

“The best approachable potion master in our grade!”

“Barsa McVinegar?” Elfriede asked.

“The very same!” Chloé responded.

“How exactly are you gonna get her to agree to tutor you?” Sarah asked drly.

“Oh please, Sarah, that’ll be easy. You may not know it, but me and Barsa are great friends. She loves me.”

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“Um, I don’t think that’s a good idea Chloé. I’m pretty busy after class these days, and I kinda...don’t like you?” Barsa said to a rather flabbergasted Chloé.

The day after having revealed her master plan to her teammates, Chloé had gone to talk to Barsa as soon as she could. She often frequented the potions lab after school and that was exactly where Chloé found her. The French witch wasted no time in asking Barsa for her help in being her potion tutor...only to be immediately shot down. Okay, so it was a possibility that she had exaggerated how close she and Barsa were to Sarah and Elfriede. In reality, they had barely interacted before Chloé had started this whole scheme of hers. Still, she couldn’t take no for an answer, not now! Not after coming so far! A LeBlanc wouldn’t give up so easily!

“Please Barsa! You have no idea what this means to me!” Chloé said, throwing herself down onto her knees. “I’m begging you! Just a few lessons after class. At least until our next test!”

Barsa shifted uncomfortably at Chloé’s sudden begging. Chloé took this as a sign that her pleading was starting to work. She had no qualms about keeping this up until Barsa cracked.

“I-I don’t know Chloé,” Barsa said, shifting her gaze to look anywhere besides the fairly pathetic witch in front of her. “I already made a mistake in helping you get that grade sheet outta Professor Lukić’s office. If she found out it was missing, I’d lose my job as her TA for sure! Hell, I could have gotten expelled.”

“Yes, I understand that was a big risk for you. Which is why I brought it back, as promised, unscathed!,” Chloé said, jumping back to her feet and handing the envelope containing said document back to Barsa eagerly.

Barsa hesitantly took the envelope, giving Chloé a sideways glance before checking the contents inside. Determining that the grade sheet was in fact unmarred and in one piece, Barsa let out a relieved sigh.

“See? Good as new!” Chloé said confidently. “Now you can slip it back in place of the decoy and no one will ever know it was missing. You see, I gave my word and a LeBlanc never breaks a deal.”

“Deal!? What ‘Deal,’? You blackmailed me into stealing it for you,” Barsa said angrily.

“Well blackmail is a bit of a harsh word, isn’t it?” Chloé said with a nervous laugh.

“You threatened to release pictures of me dressing up as Professor Lukić to the school paper. I’d say blackmail describes that perfectly.”

“Okay so I might have used some underhanded tactics, and for that I’m sorry. Truly I am,” Chloé said clasping her hands together. But that was then, and this was now. Surely you can overlook the past just this once? Isn’t our friendship strong enough for that?” Chloé said hopefully.

“Not really,” Barsa deadpanned in response. “and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to be your friend.”

Chloé gasped, somewhat scandalized. How could a girl with such a cute sounding voice speak such harsh words!?

Seeing Chloé’s shock as a chance to escape, Barsa quickly gathered her things, picked up her cauldron, and made for the door.

“Anyway, Bye Chloé. Good luck with...whatever it is you were doing, I guess.”

Chloé shook herself out of her surprise at these words. Barsa was trying to leave! Leave without agreeing to tutor her! Her window was closing, her plan was practically falling apart before her eyes. It was now or never! Gathering her courage, Chloé leapt at the fleeing form of the other girl, successfully clasping onto her leg. Barsa yelped at the sudden contact, and went totally red in face as she took in the scene Chloé had caused.

“Please Barsa! You’ve got to be my potions tutor!” The French girl begged.

“Just, a-ask another student!” Barsa said through her embarrassment as she continued to try and walk to the door, dragging Chloé with her.

“I can’t! My potion skills are dirt! If I try and learn from anyone but the best, my grade won’t improve enough,” Chloé retorted.

“If you want the best, then go ask Sucy. She’s even better at potion brewing than I am!”

“Ask Sucy Manbavaran for a favor? Do I look suicidal to you!?”

“Alright fine!” Barasa finally relented. “I’ll be your stupid tutor, just let go of me already! And stand up please! It’s embarrassing to see you clinging to me so pathetically like that!”

Completely missing the insult she had just received, Chloé could only hear an angelic choir as Barsa agreed to teach her. It worked! Diana’s destruction was one step closer! Oh she could see it now, the Diana Cavendish and all her brain dead worshipers standing dumbfounded as she, Chloé LeBlanc towered over her stupid ‘B’ with a perfect score!

Releasing Barsa from her grip, Chloé once again rose to her feet, composing herself with a polite cough.

“Thank you for agreeing to assist me Barsa, it’s much appreciated.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure whatever,” Barsa said flatly.

“Then I’ll meet you here after class, for let’s say, two hours or so? Starting tomorrow?” Chloé said, holding out her hand for Barsa to take.

“Ah ah ah, not so fast,” Barsa said, crossing her arms. “If I tutor you, what’s in it for me?”

What? In it for her? Chloé hadn’t expected for Barsa to ask for recompense. She hadn’t prepared a reward. In hindsight, that was probably a pretty big oversight on her part. Something was telling her that Barsa wouldn’t exactly take “the satisfaction of seeing Diana being beaten down,” as a fitting payment.

“Um, I’ll...do anything you ask?” Chloé offered with uncertainty.

“Anything, I ask?”

“Well, within a certain reason-”

“Okay bye Chloé,” Barsa said, turning for the door.

“Wait! Fine! Don’t go!” Chloé said, grabbing Barsa’s arm. “I promise, I’ll do anything that the might of the LeBlanc family name and fortune can achieve!”

For the first time since they started this conversation, Barsa seemed somewhat pleased.

“Okay Chloé, you’ve got yourself a deal,” Barsa said, turning back around to shake Chloé’s hand proper. “Meet me here everyday starting tomorrow as soon as class lets out, and don’t be late. I don’t want to spend more time doing this than I have to.

“Not to worry, Mrs. McVinegar! A LeBlanc is nothing if not punctual!”

“I’m not gonna be an easy teacher either. I can get a bit crazy when it comes to potions. You sure you still want me to teach you?”

Chloé felt her enthusiasm falter a bit at that. Well, it’s not like she expected this to be easy, right? Getting her potion skills up to snuff was always gonna be a bit of an ordeal. Besides, the harder fought the battle, the sweeter her inevitable victory over Diana would be, right? And no matter how ‘crazy,’ Barsa was about potions, she couldn’t be worse than trying to learn from someone like Sucy, right? There was no turning back now! She’d come too far.

“Yes, i’m sure!” Chloé answered confidently. “I’ll be the best student you’ll ever have!

“Sure, great,” Barsa said tiredly, finally leaving the potions lab.

Chloé watched her leave with a satisfied smirk on her face. Phase two of her master plan was complete, and she only had to beg a little! Diana’s demise was practically at hand and Chloé couldn’t be in higher spirits. Sure, Barsa had said that their tutoring sessions would be hard, but honestly, compared to the pain of living in Diana’s shadow, how bad could they be?

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Turns out, lessons with Barsa could be hell. No, actually Chloé was pretty sure Satan himself would want nothing to do with the punishment that Chloé had been enduring everyday after class for the last week and a half. Barsa had not been kidding when she said that she got crazy when it came to potions. It was like the normally passive girl morphed into a completely different person, one fueled solely by rage, and insulting others. Barsa had little to no patience for Chloé’s lack of skills, so rather than starting by reinforcing the basics of brewing, like Chloé had suggested, Barsa had decided to go with a more trial by fire kind of approach. This of course meant that she made a lot of mistakes, mistakes that Barsa didn’t take kindly to. It was like the orange haired girl took each and every fumble as some kind of personal affront to the art of potion brewing.

“And what exactly is that supposed to be?” Barsa had asked harshly, looking at Chloé’s attempt at making a panacea.

“Um, it’s a pa-”

“Because I know that you aren’t stupid enough to try and tell me that that pathetic excuse for sludge sitting in your cauldron is supposed to be a panacea,” Barsa said, slamming her hands on the table and leaning towards Chloé. “You aren’t stupid enough to do that, are you Chloé?”

Chloé could practically feel the venom dripping off of Barsa’s words.

“No! I’m not, Mrs. Barsa, uh sir!”

“Good. Then throw that trash down the drain and start again. From scratch.”

Seeing Chloé’s hesitance, Barsa slammed her hands down once again. “Well, what are you waiting for? An invitation!? Get brewing!”

“Yes ma’am!” Chloé said snapping to action.

And that was basically how all of Chloé’s tutoring sessions went, with her scared out of her skull as demon mode Barsa berated her. Still, as much as she didn’t want to admit it Barsa’s tutoring certainly seemed to produce results. It wasn’t long before potion mixtures and techniques were coming easier to Chloé. Now all that was left to do was see if the training paid off, which is exactly what Chloé currently found herself doing. As she sat there in potions class Friday afternoon Chloé found herself fighting to stay awake for what was probably the fifth time today. She may have been just a tad bit excited about destroying Diana’s perfect girl image and had been unable to fall asleep the night before. Nevertheless, she had pressed on throughout the day as any good LeBlanc would. She would not falter here! Not when she was so close to tasting victory!

After sitting through a class period that felt like it had lasted ages, Professor Lukić finally finished her lecture.

“That’s all we have time for today girls,” the old witch cronned. “I will see you next week.”

There was a general commotion as the witches in the room all began to stand and gather their things, clearly eager to leave the potions room and start their weekend. Chloé was not one of them, as she was starting to feel something that was probably akin to panic, just magnified times a hundred. What about the tests? They were supposed to get back their tests! Did Professor Lukić forget to grade them? Or worse, were they destroyed in some horrible unforeseen accident? Was all her hard work doomed to-

A hand shot up out of the corner of Chloé’s eye. She didn’t need to turn and look to know it was Diana’s. Chloé had long since memorized where her rival sat. Which was a totally normal thing to do, regardless of what Sarah thought. Professor Lukić took notice of Diana’s raised hand.

“Yes, miss Cavendish. What is it dear?”

Diana stood up from her seat.

“Forgive me Professor, but I believe you have forgotten to hand us back our previous test scores.”

A flash of recognition went across the old witches face before she turned back to her desk.

“Ah, right you are Diana. I know I have them here somewhere…”

A collective groan spread across the room as Diana sat back down in her seat. Obviously most of the class was not looking forward to getting their results. It was an open secret that potions was far from the most popular subject. A subpar grade in it being handed back to you was hardly the way any witch at Luna Nova wanted to start their weekend. Chloé couldn’t help but scoff. It was just like Diana to bring something like that up. Chloé bet she was the kind of kid in grade school that reminded the teacher to give homework. It baffled her to no end how Diana maintained all her fans when she pulled stunts like this. Of course, Chloé herself had also been eagerly awaiting her test results but that was neither here nor there.

Having seemingly found the graded tests, Professor Lukić turned back to the class. With a wave of her wand, the papers all began to float towards the seat of the respective students that owned them.

“Overall, you all did quite well. Even I have to admit that I’m impressed with some of the improvement I’ve seen since the last test.” Professor Lukić said. “With scores like these we might finally be able to get into some more dangerous and difficult brews.”

The professor cackled darkly as another wave of groans swept across the classroom. All of it however, was mere background noise to Chloé. The world around her practically fell away as she stared at the test in front of her...and the large A+ written on top in red ink. She’d done it! Actually really done it! She had sacrificed her pride and crawled through the trenches of potion brewing hell to get here, but she had reached her goal! The coveted A+ that even Diana Cavendish struggled to achieve! She had won! For the first time in the history in the halls of Luna Nova The LeBlanc name had reigned sup-

“Woah Diana! You did it!”

Suddenly Chloé felt herself being dragged harshly back to reality. With a speed that almost certainly wasn’t healthy for her neck Chloé turned to face Diana. The British girl had a small smile on her face, her test held in her hands, a large, red A+ adorned atop it. Chloé felt her jaw go slack. She blinked slowly in disbelief. How? How could Diana have gotten an A+ too? How!? Wasn’t this supposed to be her weak subject!? Chloé knew that the proud Cavendish could have never asked for help in her studies!

“See? I knew you’d get that A+”

Chloé hadn’t realized it before, but it was Akko who had spoken earlier, and who was now praising Diana. Wait a minute, since when in the hell was Akko friends with Diana!? It couldn’t be! Not only did she lose her chance at Diana’s destruction but had she also lost a (self-proclaimed) comrade in the battle against the Cavendish tyranny!? The Japanese girl was sitting awfully close to Diana, hell they were practically shoulder to shoulder. When Diana turned to address Akko, the smile on her face grew.

“Yes well Akko, It would appear you were right. Perhaps I was selling myself a little short,” Diana said. “Still, I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Wait a second that didn’t make sense. Akko was awful at potions. How could she have helped Diana-

“Thank you Sucy. Without your lessons my grade never would have gone up.”

The witch in question scoffed in response as she stood up from her seat and walked to the door. “Yeah yeah, whatever. Akko was never gonna stop bugging me if I didn’t help you. Not like you were a difficult person to teach anyways...”

“Don’t mind her Diana,” Akko said through a laugh as her fellow red teammate left the classroom. “I bet she’s just embarrassed with how sincere you were.”

“Oh, my bad. I didn’t mean to embarrass her. Should I not have thanked her so publicly?”

“Nah don’t worry about it. It’ll take more than that to rattle Sucy. Like one time, she…”

The sounds of Diana and Akko’s conversation faded as they too left the room. Chloé remained glued to her seat, her mouth still very much hanging open and her mind still very much blown. She didn’t know what to think anymore. Diana Cavendish and Atsuko Kagari, were friends. Not only that but the notoriously stubborn and prideful Diana had actually asked someone else to help her study. A someone that just so happened to be Sucy Manbavaran. The most unapproachable witch in the entirety of the school. Slowly, Chloé closed her mouth, and turned back to face forward in her seat. She glanced down at the A+ that sat on her paper. What had filled her with near elation only minutes ago now seemed like nothing more than a cheap consolation prize.

With all the force of the disappointment that now weighed on her shoulders, Chloé slammed her head onto her desk. What she had once thought as truths, were broken and what had once been hope, was now despair. She had no idea how this day could get any worse.

“Hey Chloé.” Barsa said as she walked up to the sulking witch.

Chloé didn’t give a response, but more of an acknowledging groan.

“I see you got the grade you wanted. Good for you, I guess.”

Chloé let out another groan. “Good for me? Yeah right. This is nothing now. Nothing but the promise of what could have been.”

Unfortunately Chloé’s words were muffled by the fact that her face was currently flat up against her desk. Barsa considered asking the French witch to repeat what she had said, but just shrugged in indifference instead.

“Yeah cool so you remember our deal right? I help you, you do whatever I ask.”

Chloé raised her head to look at the ginger witch.

“And what would that be?”

“There's gonna be a potion’s expo in town this weekend, but I can’t make it because I’m visiting my family,” Barsa explained. “I was planning on stocking up on some rare ingredients, ones that I won’t get another chance to get my hands on for a while. So you’re gonna go in my place.”

“Okay. So uh when is it?” Chloé asked tentatively.

Sure, Chloé wasn’t looking forward to this at all, but hey with the leadway she gave Barsa, the ginger witch could have asked for a lot worse. What’s one day out of her weekend?

“It starts tomorrow at 9 a.m and goes until Sunday night at 11:30 p.m. The lines can get pretty long, especially for the stuff I’m after, so you’re gonna have to get there early. Six in the morning should do it,” Barsa said.

She turned to take an envelope out of her pocket and handed it to a bewildered Chloé.

“Here. That’s your ticket. Be sure not to lose it. I’ve also got a list of the stuff I need written down in there too. Make sure you get them all, especially the petrified dragon vomit. That’s really important.”

Barsa patted Chloé on the shoulder and made her way towards the door.

“Okay have fun!”

And with that, she was gone. And so was Chloé’s weekend. Finally Chloé managed to find her way to her feet. She slowly gathered up her things and made to walk for the door. As she was contemplating whether throwing herself off of the new moon tower or drowning out by the cafeteria vestibule would be a more fitting end, Professor Lukić emerged from the ingredients store room at the front of the class.

“Oh, miss LeBlanc. You’re still here. Was there something you needed child?”

“No Professor. I was just leaving,” Chloé said dejectedly.

Professor Lukić raised an eyebrow at her student’s clearly downtrodden mood.

“What’s gotten into you girl? Why are you so mopey?” The professor asked.

Chloé cringed at the question. She didn’t exactly feel like explaining her entire ordeal to the old witch.

“It’s nothing professor, really. I’m fine,” she said, hoping her professor wouldn’t press further.

Lukić let out a huff. “If you say so. Still, try and smile a bit child. You did very well on your test. You’ve far exceeded what I thought you were capable of. I’m almost proud of you.”

Chloé blinked in surprise at that. It was practically as close as possible as one could get to receiving a compliment from the old potion master. Despite everything that had gone wrong today, Chloé couldn’t help but smile.

“Thank you professor. I’ll be sure to keep trying my best.”

And with that Chloé finally made her way out of the potions room. It might not have brought Diana to her knees, but suddenly her A+ didn’t feel so worthless.

#little witch academia #sarah bernhardt #Chloé #Elfriede #lwa #alec writes #hope you enjoy!#Bonus points to anyone who can figure out where I got Chloé's last name from

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thosewhoharvest · 5 years

Text

Self-Sufficiency in the Time of Pandemic

With the current path that we as a planet are on, the facts are becoming increasingly obvious: times are going to get tough, in many ways. Climate Change warning flags, such as rising temperatures, more numerous and intense natural disasters and struggling ecosystems; and problems particular to the human population, such as resource depletion and the current COVID-19 outbreak we are currently facing; make it pretty clear that from here on out, humankind needs to be resourceful in order to survive.

We are busy going through something unprecedented in human history – there have been pandemics and widespread outbreaks before, but never has the world seen such a huge human population, nevermind one which is so interlinked across the globe. When you think about it, getting anxious during these times is only a natural and somewhat necessary response. But once one’s head begins to clear and the reality of the global situation sets in, the important questions begin to emerge: How am I going to look after myself and those I care about?

The measures we should all be taking to “flatten the curve” and slow the spread of the virus in time for healthcare systems to cope – physical distancing, washing our hands, and isolation, are all symptomatic responses to the current crisis. Don’t get me wrong, they are extremely important to how the pandemic unfolds, but I believe we should also be looking further down the line into the future. The world as we know it is changing before our very eyes, at a pace which is frighteningly tangible, and this pandemic is showing us a few key points, which can now no longer be denied:

We live in a global society – whether we like it, or not. This means that we ultimately need to work together, and respect our place in the collective human species, taking the rights of others to heart.

We are painfully dependent on ageing systems which are designed with profit as the key component, not necessarily human or planet welfare. Capitalism has engulfed all spheres of our society, to the point where the very things we need in order to survive – food, water, shelter and medicine, are turned into mechanisms through which we, as “consumers” can be drained for financial gain.

Our international leadership is largely inadequate and, whether on purpose or due to bureaucratic red tape, slow to act and respond in our time of need. Many countries have seen their governments refuse to react to the pandemic sufficiently, meaning that it wasn’t contained when it should and could have been, and as a result things have gotten much worse.

There are good (as in, really really good) everyday people out there who are willing to put their lives at risk to help others. Cashiers, paramedics, janitors, farmers, teachers, doctors, nurses, and many other overlooked professions are in fact the real heroes in this situation – and not the CEOs, directors or owners of companies. Without those who keep our society running through the day-to-day necessities, things would begin to crumble real fast.

Pandemics can affect everyone, regardless of their demographic. whether directly or indirectly, when something like this happens, it affects you – regardless of who you are. Stock markets and currencies are beginning to crash, companies are closing down, borders have been shut, and lockdowns are taking place. Things like these have far-reaching effects, which can be felt everywhere.

That being said, the planet can feel them too – just a few weeks of decreased human activity can lead to huge environmental improvements such as less pollution, returning wildlife and cleaner waters. This is just a little “sneak peak” at what is possible if we change our ways and try to live more harmoniously with nature.

Once this particular chapter of history subsides, how do we protect ourselves – personally, and on communal and global levels from similar things in the future? Ultimately, they are unavoidable and bound to happen again, be it in a different way or form. Once we accept that there are elements we cannot control, we can begin to look at what can be done to minimise our own suffering, and that of those in the same boat as us, at the hands of such disasters.

Look After Yourself: Strengthen That Immune System

This virus might subside, but chances are that it will be back, or another will take its place soon enough. So you need to fortify your body’s natural defences in order to give them the best chance of fending off such things. This boils down to one thing: keep healthy. Organic fruit and vegetables bring none of the poisons or chemicals that conventional produce carry with them, and often contain more vitamins and antioxidants. In particular, things like garlic, chillies, ginger, broccoli and citrus fruit are great turbo-chargers of the immune system. The fresher your food, the more nutrients it contains, and the better it is for you – so avoid canned or prepackaged produce where possible.

Local is Lekker

In South Africa, we have a saying that “Local is Lekker” – it essentially means that what comes from nearby is great; and it couldn’t be more on point or relevant than right now. By choosing things from local suppliers, businesses, farms, and organisations, you are not only decreasing reliance on the transportation system, but also “voting” with your coin against multinational corporations. Of course, the more local you can get, the better – ultimately, you should aim to be growing as much of your own food as possible. For some, this may mean growing a basil plant on their balcony, for others, perhaps a bed of tomatoes and garlic in their garden. Do what you can, with what you have. We recently began offering food garden design, consultation and establishing services, so if you are interested, please do contact us. Otherwise, support your local farmer and get to know where your food is coming from – it is a great step in not only learning how it’s grown, but also in becoming aware of what you are eating and how it reaches you. We deliver weekly boxes of our fresh organic produce to people nearby every week. Read more about or boxes, or order here.

Water is Life

Without water, we’re in trouble – just ask any Capetonian about the struggle. Having narrowly missed day zero, we can all attest to the importance of this liquid in our lives. Ensuring that you have a good supply or reserve of clean, drinkable water is of utmost importance. Setting up rainwater and dew harvesting can be done extremely easily and fairly cheaply – whether using small tanks to catch rainwater from gutters, catching your bathing water to water your garden.

Take Shelter

If you are among the lucky who have a good roof over their heads, take a moment to appreciate it, and consider how you can improve your dwelling. If there were to be a nearby disaster such as a flood or fire, how would it hold up, or perhaps instead, what is the contingency plan? If you are looking to set up a home somewhere, how can you construct it in such a way that it requires as little new resources as possible, and makes use of what is around? Small changes, such as using natural building materials, simple designs or even just taking note of the prevailing wind can have rather big impacts on a home, and are often overlooked.

Avoid Blackout

Technology plays a huge role in our lives – beyond communication and business, we rely on it to keep our food cold, light up our homes, drive our vehicles and make our stuff. All it takes is a little “Stage 2 Load-shedding” from your friendly neighbourhood power supplier to remind you how dependent we are on it. Although going entirely off-grid is becoming cheaper at a rapid rate, it is still largely out of the financial question for most people. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t take certain smaller measures in order to reduce your reliance on the grid. Depending on your financial position, you can take various steps – install a solar geyser to get electricity-free hot water on tap, buy or make simple solar lamps to light up your house (it’s really easy – look it up), sell your fridge and replace it with a gas alternative, or even just put together a little solar oven (we made one out of an old window and some planks – it cooks brownies like a charm!).

Wash Your Hands

Keeping things clean is a must. But don’t let that fool you into thinking that stockpiling toilet paper and hand sanitiser is necessary. Firstly, that just creates a shortage (do you see the self-fulfilling prophecy here?) and secondly, if worst came to worst and all the toilet paper in the world were to run out, you could use water like the entire continent of Asia is still largely doing after centuries). What is important is finding a way to maintain good hygiene and prevent illnesses from coming into your home and body. The good news is that soap, hand sanitiser, shampoo, and even general house cleaners are really easy to make with very simple, cheap and biodegradable ingredients. Good friends of ours, Guerrilla House, hold frequent soap-making workshops in Cape Town, and there is a plethora of online resources which can teach you how it’s done.

All these steps, however small they may be, add up and create a ripple effect, which although may seem immeasurable, can grow into a huge wave, given the right tide. So my advice is this: prepare yourself. Don’t freak out about the toilet paper, and don’t panic in general. But take time to think about how you can reduce not only your financial and environmental footprints, but also your reliance and dependence on the systems that surround you. And when you do need to depend on them, do it consciously and with full understanding and awareness of the implications it has. Be selective about how you “vote” with your spending – support those near to you, both geographically and socially speaking, and in so doing help build the network of interdependence we all need in order to survive. Because if the governments of the world aren’t going to look after all of us, then we will do it ourselves.

– Nevau, one of those who harvest

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pandemicthestory · 4 years

Text

5: distanced

The next step is to find an in, and then an out.

The morning news briefing on TV:

Kelly Sanchez, lead anchorwoman, stares gravely into the camera. It will be another day of news that no one wants to hear.

“Good morning, Chicago. We’re here with your daily update of the coronavirus. Schools across the country have been canceled due to a significant shortage of public funding. These are funds that are currently being allocated to bail out the tanking airline industry. The President says that allowing the top corporations to suffer will result in a greater hole for the economy. We hope he’s right.

Meanwhile, bars, restaurants and shopping centers that have been re-opened early to boost the economy have not seen the dramatic rise in business that was expected. Perhaps people are too afraid to go out to dinner amongst the public, or perhaps they simply can’t afford it due to a loss of work. One thing we do know is that the most detrimental effect of these early openings is causing a further spread. As people in certain states that have not seriously social-distanced begin to cross state lines…”

Emma’s mom and dad are sitting on the couch, waiting for Kelly to tell them that things are going to get at least slightly better. But she doesn’t. It’s getting impossible to convince themselves that this will all be over soon--that everything will return to normal. It’s becoming likely that the new “normal,” if it ever comes, will be something that no one has ever seen.

*buzzzz*

Emma’s alarm wakes her up at 8:30 AM. She facepalms herself upon remembering that school doesn’t exist anymore and therefore alarms are canceled. Dammit.

But then, she remembers that Universe is currently downloading to her external hard drive. The excitement of this sends a shock through her system and wakes up every cell in her body. It’s that “Christmas morning” excitement, which is marginally more enjoyable than that “about to run away with a possibly bad dude” excitement. That kind is good too, just, different. She runs over to her computer.

16 HOURS REMAINING

Shit. The size of this application is no joke. Seemingly she’ll have to wait until tonight to begin her exploration. To find Mason.

Emma remembers the talk they had last night, and reflects on his support of her relationships with her friends. She realizes that she didn’t know many people with that quality, guys especially...it seems like they always demand her full attention and become frustrated if asked to share. Especially one guy. Well anyway, Mason. Intriguing.

Emma heads downstairs to make herself a bowl of cereal. Oh wait, there’s no milk. And no cereal either? These days, groceries are scarce and pickings are slim. Ah well, might have to be plain oatmeal. Serious orphanage vibes--which is somewhat fitting since her parents wish they could leave her at one.

Ugh. Every time you eat oatmeal, you forget how horrible oatmeal is. Isabel sits across the table from her, scrolling through her phone with intent and drinking black coffee. Emma smirks.

“Aren’t you kinda young to be drinking coffee? Plus what do you have to energize for, your job at the office?”

Isabel pays no attention to her.

“Hello? Okay what is up with you.”

Isabel looks up from her phone, a faraway look in her eyes.

“Do you have a headset?” she asks.

“Um, what do you mean? Like headphones? What are you talking about?”

Isabel looks down again.

“No, like a viewing headset. Like an Oculus or a Vive. Aren’t you like, a tech nerd? You don’t do anything with VR?”

Odd request. Emma isn’t much of a gamer anymore, she used to play Dota and Warcraft, but that was before she decided to cut back to become more social. Spend time with her friends. Date an asshole. Whatever. But in all her experience with gaming, she had never gotten into VR. She never saw the point...either play games or experience the real world. What was the point in trying to achieve both at the same time?

“No I don’t. And you know those are expensive as hell, right?”

Isabel looks nervous.

“I know. Which is why...um, I was wondering, can I borrow some money?”

Emma bursts out laughing.

“No Iz, you can’t borrow 800 dollars to buy a VR headset. Hey are you aware that we’re going through a global pandemic and the world may or may not be ending? I think food and toilet paper are better investments than virtual tennis, or whatever.”

Isabel just shakes her head. What is with this girl? She’s normally the queen of smartassery--loves to spar with Emma and argue about literally everything. She’s usually so ready for a fight, but now she feels surrendered. It’s weird how you can be trapped in such close quarters with a person and still feel like they’re on a different planet.

Emma and Isabel are two years apart. Up until Emma was 6 and Isabel was 4, they were best friends. They shared everything. Isabel didn’t want to play with a toy unless Emma played with it with her. She wouldn’t wear clothing unless it was Emma’s hand-me-down. They shared a bedroom, the walls covered with monarch butterflies. Their mom went for a theme, tacky lamp shades and all, lord knows she tried her best. Often, they would stay awake late into the night, vividly describing the dream that the other sister would have. They thought if they focused hard enough, they could carry those dreams with them into sleep.

But as they got older, things changed. The tacky butterflies were no longer endearing. Emma moved into a room that was being used as her dad’s office. She got a Nintendo DS for Christmas. And she started locking her door.

Isabel was left to wonder where her role model went. But after Emma made it clear that her hobbies were no longer to be shared, Isabel hardened herself to the rejection. She promised herself to become her own person in any way that she could, to never be dependent on Emma to define her personality.

In fifth grade, Isabel met Anush. They met because they were both teacher helpers in art class, and it was their responsibility to help set up the room before class and clean it up afterwards. They were both very outgoing, emotional, and honest. Isabel always told Anush exactly what she was thinking, and vice versa. The two girls were popular among their classmates, but the good kind of popular. They were kind, and they included the other girls who wanted to be like them.

So really, it makes no sense that Isabel is being the way that she is. She’s confident, vocal, and annoyingly optimistic. On a normal day. So what’s wrong?

“Emma, someone just dropped a package off for you.”

Their mom called from the other room. Isabel leaves the table, stressed and defeated. Emma continues to chip away at the bowl of grey sludge in front of her. It’s crazy that there are still people out there delivering the mail--how long until that stops too?

*buzz*

Good morning, group chat.

OLIVIA: GG morning check-in: I want to talk about what the hell Serena sees in Dan

MADISON: or what dan sees in serena?? Come on he’s like an intellectual and she’s a superficial barbie princess

ZOE: Mad you know that is MISOGYNISTIC and that you’re letting the fact that she wears expensive dresses and has blonde hair cloud your judgement!!

MADISON: oh shut up it’s early

OLIVIA: Remember when you were begging not to watch the show??

MADISON: quarantine does weird shit to people ok

Emma enters the chat.

EMMA: Ok but without Serena, don’t you think Blair is so much more lame? Like it’s the best friend combo that makes the show imo

ZOE: There she is!!!

MADISON: goooood morning to our very own barbie princess!

OLIVIA: Why are any of us even awake? SCHOOL’S OVERRR. Should we like, do something?

EMMA: Like what? Sit on our asses and text each other from afar?

MADISON: sounds chill

Emma laughs to herself. Damn. She’s going to miss them.

Maybe there’s a way for her to tell...part of the truth? Leave the part about Julian out? Kind of a big part... Say she’s coming back? Make up a concrete opportunity? There has to be some sort of acceptable explanation...there just has to be. And even if she can’t come up with one...there are other things she wants to tell them about. Another boy.

EMMA: Hey do you guys wanna do a zoom chat in a few min? Just kinda feel like talking more than texting rn

MADISON: do u mind if i go back to bed and pass on that? I love u girl but i’m tired af

ZOE: aaand same here, but it’s only because i’m supposed to do this thing…

OLIVIA: so call Gabriel?

ZOE: Wellllll...I don’t wanna lie to y’all.

Ha. Emma knows the feeling.

EMMA: you out too Liv?

OLIVIA: I am innnnn give me a call when you’re ready

MADISON: kiss kiss kiss

ZOE: kiiiiissssss

EMMA: bye losers

Well, maybe telling one person is a good place to start. Liv is super understanding...she’ll be able to think of a good way to break the news to Mad and Zoe. Emma runs up to her room and closes the door. She flops down on her unmade bed, and facetimes Olivia.

“Hey Liv”

“Emmmm”

Lingering silence. Emma just kind of stares at the wall. Olivia breaks the silence.

“Sooo what did you wanna talk about?”

Emma doesn’t know if she can do it. Ok, form words. Try.

“I wanna tell you something, that’s kind of a long story. And it’s connected to other stories. And basically I’ve just gone too long without talking about any of it and now there’s like this big clusterfuck of details that I need you to know but can’t figure out where to start.”

Whew. Even the vaguest of outbursts feels cathartic. Olivia doesn’t seem to be freaked out yet.

“Emma, I’m pretty sure I know you better than anyone. And you can trust me.”

“I know you say that now but...I don’t know if, after I say what I, well I don’t know if you’re gonna trust me. I haven’t said everything that I need to say to you. Or Zo and Mad.”

“Ok, so, here’s your chance. I’m listening.”

Emma takes a deep breath. Where to start?

*knock knock*

The knocks are soft. Unlike her mom’s, whose are very prison guard-esque, and actually who is more likely to not knock at all. Emma calls out.

“What.”

Isabel’s voice comes from the other side of the door.

“I gotta tell you something.” Her voice is uncharacteristically soft.

“I’m on the phone with Liv right now, can it wait?”

Silence.

“Iz?”

Emma hears the creaking of Isabel’s footsteps down the wooden hallway, and then her beddoor shutting. Click, it locks.

Emma turns back to the phone.

“That was Iz, she’s been acting like a freak.”

“What’s going on with her?”

“No idea. I feel like 14 is a weird age, plus like, she’s REALLY social and into school and shit. This quarantine is probably forcing an inversion of her personality.”

Olivia nods with sympathy. “God, that’s rough.”

“Yeah...I feel kinda bad I guess. We just don’t really have anything to talk about.”

“Oh come on, you’re sisters. Talk about how controlling your mom is.”

Emma laughs. She flips onto her back and stretches her legs against the wall. Oh, physical exertion of any kind feels so unnatural.

“Well Liv...we do have one thing in common. Which is...one of the things I haven’t told you.”

Emma fights a smile.

“TELL ME”

“So I saw Isabel playing this weird computer game, I mean I don’t even know if it was a game or like what the hell it was, but now, I’m downloading it…”

“Uh, ok?? Why?”

“This is going to sound insane, but hear me out…”

“Hearing…”

“I got this...message...online. From someone who I’ve never met. A guy, I think, and his name is Mason.”

“OOOMG”

“Hahah well it’s not like that, I mean I have no fucking idea WHAT it’s like, because it’s very weird, and um, he’s the reason I’m downloading this game. The one that Iz is playing. Cuz he told me to.”

Silence.

“That...is really fucking weird.”

“I know.”

“You don’t even know how badly I wish I was coming over right now to go all detective on his ass right now with you…”

Emma laughs. “I know you would be. It’s so weird being here alone.”

“You’re not alone Em!!! I’m here. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but I’ll ALWAYS be here for you. That’s corny as hell but hey it’s true.”

“Hah, yeah...same. I’m here.”

How can Emma keep this incredibly annoying feeling of guilt suppressed? It’s kind of ruining the buzz of anything else. But it will be ok. Olivia will understand...

*ping*

Emma has come to expect that any message received to her ghostwriter account will be from Mason. She jumps up from her bed, still on the call with Olivia. Emma starts to get excited.

“So this is crazy but he just messaged me, ahhhhhh…”

“Eeee tell me what he said!!”

Sure enough, the message is from Mason.

MASON: hi! did you get it yet?

Emma reads the message aloud to Olivia, who is equally confused.

“What is he talking about?

“I have no idea…”

Emma starts typing a response.

EMMA: Good morning! Get what..?

MASON: a package!

Emma looks confused. Was it...Mason who sent the package? What the hell? How does he know where she lives?? Well at this point she’s not surprised.

“Liv, I gotta call you back!”

“Ok you BETTER tell me what the hell this package situation is because congratulations this is now the most interesting thing happening in my life!!!”

Emma ends the call and runs downstairs. Her parents haven’t moved from the couch, still watching coverage of the virus’s destruction on TV.

“Hey Mom where’s that package??”

“Iz said she’d bring it up to you.”

“What? Can you not give her my mail?”

Emma’s mom turns to face her. “Attitude. Chill.”

Emma rolls her eyes and runs upstairs. She knocks on Isabel’s door. Well, bangs, really.

“Hi ready to talk now. What’s up??”

No response. As Emma presses her ear against the door, she can’t hear anything. She jiggles the handle, it won’t open.

“This is really weird. Hello.”

“Hellooooo.”

“Fine, we don’t have to talk. But I need my package. Now.”

……

Emma grabs the little key from behind the thermostat in the hallway. Isabel will just have to forgive her for this. Emma inserts the key into the lock and…

The lock clicks, the handle turns, and the door opens.

Emma enters the room, ready for Isabel to yell at her.

“Iz??”

First Emma sees the packaging. The medium-sized cardboard box on the ground, the bubble wrap, the plastic…it had clearly been torn off in a hurry...

Isabel is sitting at her computer, her back turned toward Emma.

“Isabel?!”

Emma runs over and jerks the swivel chair to face her, and Isabel slouches over. She’s wearing a virtual reality headset.

The one that was sent to Emma in that package.

“ISABEL”

Isabel’s ears are covered with oversized headphones, but even without them, she wouldn’t be able to hear Emma anyway. Her body is limp. Non-responsive.

Emma starts panicking and checks Isabel’s pulse--steady. Her breathing, normal. What is happening here? What is going on??

Then Emma sees the computer screen.

The map. That fucking map.

She turns back to Isabel. She thinks of Mason. She realizes.

The right question is not “What”, but “Where.”

#writers #writers on tumblr #write #short fiction #shortstory #writing #pandemic #coronavirus #young adult #ya novels

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perfectpeanutauthorcowboy · 5 years

Text

Is my period an inconvenience...

This week I experienced, what would only be called a trigger. This week I randomly got my period, and I know may seem awkward to be talking about my period or why I got triggered if it’s something every woman goes though every mont but I haven’t had my period since I was pregnant with my first son. He is currently 7 gonna be 8.

I woke up and was freaked out cuz I saw blood. I asked my son and my husband if they were ok, if they had some bloody stool or something. Lowkey inwas panicing and then I wipe myself and realize its me. (Bare with me) I was relieved that it was me and not my husband or son, but then i begin to panic again because i have nothing in my bathroom for this type of emergency. I start tossing everything under my sink looking for a pad, tampon, anything i could use temporarily due to the ridiculous toilet paper shortage. And it instantly brings me back to 6th grade. I memory and experience not many of us go though thankfully but for some it still happens or they are going through it currently. Im in 6th grade again and small flash backs of what i was going through at the time. My dad had just left to try and prove for us better since he lost his job. My mom was not attentive towards me and my sister Ruby who is only 18 months younger than me, and would spoil rotten my 3 other siblings who where 6, 4, and 2. Even they didn’t get the required care they need from my mom but they didn’t have it as hard as me and my sister. Instead of buying underwears or bras for me and my sister, which we desperately needed she would buy the kids a DS game, instead of buying the kids winter jackets, she would but unnecessarily lotions, body wash and hand soap from bed bath and body works. Anyone who has bought something from this store, knows that stuff is not at all cheap. The deepest darkest experience about this flashback is on one specific school day around 6:20am i woke up on my own early enough to get ready, not because i got a good night sleep, or because i went to bed on time, but because i felt wet. I cant recall if it was my first period or not, but all I could do is take a baby wipe clean myself as much as i could. I wished at that moment that i could take a shower to clean myself and go to school fresh but the house was so cold as soon as i would step out of the shower, my skin and hair would feel like it was in a freezer hardening up into ice. So i cleaned myself the best i could and stuffed myself with toilet paper while i looked under the sink. Of couse, nothing. I sneak into my moms bathroom and lucky find 2. It felt like winning the lottery, so i take both of them put one in my backpack and the other to the bathroom. As i unrapped it, i realize it sort of wierd looking. While still greatful i even found a pad I realized its a pad for obese women and on my tiny body it looks like a diaper. I put only clean jeans i had and put an oversized hoodie, before everyone made it a trend. Went to school sort of prepareded for humiliation or staring or even laughing. Every inch of me is feeling self conscious. It gets to 3 period right before lunch and check on my oversized pad and to my luck it’s completely full. So many clots where stuck on there. The whole thing was drenched in blood, fromt to back mind you that the front started at my undewear line and the back cover my entire butt crack. I didn’t why there was do much or why it wouldn’t stop. On the toilet it would continue to drop almost like a freaking faucet. I changed out the pad for a new one. And go to lunch, i dont recall eating as much because I felt my stomach put more pressure on my uterus and more blood come out. I went somewhat hungry the reat of the day until i got to my very last class, which was an introduction to drawing class. I tried to get a seat all the way in the back but unfortunately there was already a chiques sitting at all the back seats of the class so i chose the second to last table by myself no less.This class was like any typical art class, the back wall was covered in windows, the chalk board and the teachers desk were located between the two doors of the class.As the class begins i begin to get paranoid about my situation.I ask to go to the bathroom and to find my surprise my instincts were spot on. My pad was over flowing again, so much that it left a small stain of blood on my jeans.Im freaking out because i have no more pads, my jeans have leaked thru..

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earlgreyandadderall-blog · 7 years

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What Does ADHD Look Like In Girls? - Things I Wish I Knew Ten Years Ago

Hello world!

I'm back, as promised, and today I'm going to talk about some stuff I wish I knew ten years ago- ADHD symptoms that are common in girls but often get overlooked. Why, you may ask? Because a teacher or parent normally won't notice that a child is struggling unless it's very apparent – if she is extremely hyperactive and disruptive, for example – or if the child admits that they are struggling. That girl in the corner who's always daydreaming, but still gets good grades? Or the one who has a hard time making friends or making relationships work, but otherwise seems "normal" (whatever that means)? She's going to be passed over while her teacher is busy worrying about the boy who can't stay in his seat for more than five minutes. Plus, girls with ADHD are more likely than boys to internalize their struggles, so if you or your child is anything like me, you might not realize something is off until high school or even later, and even when you do, you might be too embarrassed to ask for help.

If anyone besides my mom ever starts reading this blog, one thing that would make me really really happy and feel as if I've made a difference is if even one young woman out there doesn't have to go through the failed relationships, ruined friendships, and lost semesters that I had to go through before she realizes something deeper is going on than just laziness and being emotional. If you're a girl who often feels like she's getting in her own way and suspects there might be something up, but aren't really sure what it might be, here are some often-overlooked ADHD symptoms that you might relate to.

1. Daydreaming/Getting Bored in School

As long as I can remember, I've had a hard time paying attention in class. When I was very young, I would get called out for daydreaming all the time. I worked on my French homework in science class, flipped aimlessly through my agenda while the teacher was talking, and doodled all over ever single desk I've ever sat in. In grade five, I got in trouble for – get this – reading a book during a spelling test. Don't ask me how I thought I was gonna get away with that, but I was sooooooo booooooored and the teacher was taking soooooo loooooong to read these words that I knew how to spell in grade one. That's a big reason why inattentiveness in female students often gets overlooked- girls with ADHD don't usually perform poorly, especially in elementary school. Because I was gifted, my inattentiveness was treated as a quirk rather than a problem. I had a handful of teachers who tried to give me harder work to keep me motivated, but more often than not I was left to entertain myself. It always bothered me that kids who needed extra help got IEPs, the latest learning technologies, and one-on-one time with the teacher, but kids like me, who needed an extra challenge, were neglected

2. Impulsive Spending

The most important thing to keep in mind when analyzing the behaviour of people with ADHD is that our brains don't produce or transmit enough dopamine, which is the feel-good chemical that controls reward-motivated behaviour. Because of that, we seek out anything that will give us a dopamine rush... the only problem is that those behaviours are usually impulsive. You know the saying money can't buy happiness? Yeah, not necessarily true for ADHD brains. At least for a little while after buying something we've managed to convince ourselves we so totally need, we actually do feel really happy, because we're experiencing a dopamine high. My friend recently got me into doing my makeup properly, and I'm embarrassed to admit how much I've spent at Sephora in the last month. I know it's dumb, but I do it anyway. Why? Because ADHD brains have a hard time distinguishing what is urgent from what is important. Once I get it in my head that I need that contour kit right now (because what if a surprise event comes up in the next week?), I can't convince myself otherwise. That sense of urgency releases dopamine, which tells my brain that wasting $60 to look more like the MUAs on Instagram will make me happy. And for an hour or two it does!... Until I look at my bank account.

3. Relationship Problems

So, dopamine rush-producing behaviours are usually impulsive, right? What does that look like when it comes to romantic relationships? Dopamine-seeking brains love anything that's new and novel, and that includes the first phase of a relationship, when you're sooooo in love and can't get enough of each other. Of course, that phase ends, and neurotypical people settle into a more lowkey relationship just fine. ADHD brains? Not so much. If you don't recognize what you're experiencing as a dopamine withdrawal, you may interpret it is a lack of love from your partner, or as a sign that the relationship is getting boring. I tend to fall into the first category, and people like me can become really insecure thinking that our partner doesn't care about us. We become excessively demanding and need dramatic displays of affection all the time, which naturally alienates our partners. If you're somebody who just gets bored, that can result in two unhealthy behaviours: one, moving really quickly from one relationship to the next and never learning how to be alone, and two, cheating. If any or all of these three behaviours are a pattern in your life, you just might have a dopamine shortage, and are unknowingly looking to your partner(s) to fix it.

4. Word Vomit

It's really hard for me to explain my tendency to over-explain every little thing (ha, that's ironic), especially if I'm nervous about it. Have you ever taken seven sentences to say something that could have been said in one? Found yourself repeating the same thing in different words three times? I find I do this the most when I'm apologizing, or trying to explain why I did something that someone else didn't like or understand. You think you're being helpful, but really you're just annoying the other person. Then you realize how annoying you're being, and apologize for being annoying five times, and now they're annoyed with you for apologizing for being annoying... okay, that's when you know it's time to turn your phone off and cool down. On top of excessive explaining, ADHD brains can get a little word vomit-y when we're talking about something we're passionate about. Just ask my mom- get me on the Israeli occupation of Palestine, or, at the moment, information about ADHD, and you won't get me off it. Sometimes we don't really know when to shut up. If you have a tendency to keep talking even when you know nobody is listening anymore, then you might want to keep reading.

5. Road Rage

Everybody road rages once in a while (okay, I'm told that not everyone does, but I don't believe it. Come on, how can you NOT scream at the person in front of you going 5 km under the speed limit?) but I legitimately feel claustrophobic and panicky if I'm on a four-lane highway stuck behind a car in each lane going the same speed and I can't get out to pass them. If the person in front of me is doing something stupid, I could literally run them over I get so frustrated, and not just if I'm already cranky- I yell at someone on the road every single day. I'm told this is “apparently” because of our “inattentiveness” and “inability to sit still”, and not because everyone else on the road is a freaking idiot. I don't know if I believe it, but that's what I'm told, anyway. ADHD brains are also more likely to get into car accidents. I've never been in a major accident while driving, thank God, but I'm only 22, and I've had four minor fender benders that, embarrassingly, didn't involve other cars, but me driving into things in parking lots. Once, I just wasn't looking behind me and backed into a pole. Another time, I thought that texting in the Tim Hortons drive-thru was a good idea. You get the idea.

6. Forgetfulness

Again, everybody forgets things once in a while. But if you're forgetting or misplacing your homework, your car keys, your purse, your work pants (yes, I have actually lost a pair of pants before) every single day, then there might be a problem. Once, I parked my car near campus, spent the day studying in my friends' office, and then got a ride back to my car at the end of the day. My friend Dan was driving up and down the street I told him I had parked on asking me "is that your car? What about that one?" before I realized that I had parked on a different street on the other side of campus. I never thought being a bit scatterbrained was a problem, and if it only happens once in a while, it probably isn't. But all of these symptoms together paint a different picture.

7. Difficulties With Motivation

I never really enjoyed studying, and I guess I was lucky that throughout grade school and high school, I didn't have to do very much of it. It's not that I didn't like learning, it's just that studying for extended periods of time is so boring. Even in my first three years of university, my super strict immigrant parents watched me like a hawk, so I did what I needed to do, as difficult as it was at times. That all changed when my fourth year rolled around and I moved to Ottawa for an exchange. With no one to stand at the foot of my bed and scream at me until I dragged myself out of it, I just... didn't. It wasn't because I didn't want to, it was just that I couldn't bring myself to. Same went for going to class, doing my readings, handing in assignments, showing up for exams... it wasn't pretty. This can also be a symptom of depression, and many people with ADHD, myself included, meet the diagnostic criteria for depression. The difference is that people with depression can't get out of bed because they're depressed; people with ADHD get depressed because they won't get out of bed. We aren't lying in bed all day because our mood is low, but because we struggle with executive functioning - motivation, planning, organizing, and self-managing. Those things happen in the prefrontal cortex, and ours are underdeveloped. It can be hard to distinguish where the cycle begins for you, and before being diagnosed, I thought I had depression for sure, but as soon as my psychiatrist explained how ADHD works to me, it fit like a glove.

8. Starting Projects and Never Finishing Them

This kind of goes hand in hand with lack of motivation, and it's something I've struggled with all my life. It's also one of the very few ADHD symptoms that isn't also a hallmark of something else, like depression or anxiety, so it should be a huge red flag if it's accompanied by some of these other symptoms! Most people tend to procrastinate things they don't want to do, like studying or cleaning their room. A big indicator that you might be dealing with something more than just laziness is when you procrastinate or don't finish even things you actually really want to do. And it's not because you're lazy or don't want to do it, it's because as great as it sounds, you just... can't. If you've ever started a scrapbook and tossed it to the side three days later, tried to start a club on campus but let it fall to the wayside, or created a blog then never actually updated it (I meant to have this posted a solid five days ago, whooooops), then you know what I'm talking about.

9. Being Scatterbrained

You're in the middle of a sentence and you completely lose your train of thought. Alternatively, you'll be halfway through a sentence then think of something more important that you want to say and totally abandon the idea you're halfway through and start talking about the new one instead. You interrupt people a lot, because you feel like you HAVE to say the thought that just popped into your head right now, lest it no longer be relevant if you wait five minutes, or even worse, you forget it again in 30 seconds. You're in the middle of an important text conversation but you open Instagram while you're waiting for them to text back... then half an hour later you're creeping your crush's ex's brother's best friend when you realize you never answered that super important text. You zone out while people are speaking directly to you, which makes you look super rude because it seems like you aren't paying attention. Our inability to focus hard on things can affect our lives in ways you never would have guessed- for example, I am terrible at proofreading and finding typos, and the number of assignments I've handed in with words missing from the middle of sentences is embarrassing. If this sounds like you (and if course, if this happens all day every day rather than once in a blue moon, because everybody get scatterbrained when they're overwhelmed), then you've come to the right place.

10. Being SUPER Enthusiastic... Sometimes

We've already established that ADHD brains can have trouble with motivation and with staying committed to something long-term, but that doesn't capture the entire picture. If you think of depression as basically always being in a low state, ADHD is different in that you sort of swing from highs to lows and back again. Like I mentioned, ADHD brains don't have enough dopamine transmitters, and we kind of get addicted to anything that does produce a dopamine high. So if something does make us happy or excited, we're gonna be the happiest, most excited people on earth. My psychiatrist gave me a situation where an ADHD person might win $5 on a scratch off ticket, but the way they jump up and down all excited makes the people around them think they've won a million dollars. In my case, this often looks like getting really excited about a paper or assignment for a class I'm particularly interested in. I'll take out books from the library and hyper-focus on planning the assignment for about three days... then the whole "starting a project but never finishing it" kicks in, and that's a whole different story...

11. Verbal Aggression (As Opposed to Physical Aggression)

Although I don't mean to generalize or to imply that every single boy or girl is the same, this tends to be a notable difference between girls with ADHD and their male counterparts. Girls are much less likely to be physically violent, but when you piss us off, or trigger our Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (that's what my next post is going to be about, by the way!)… watch out. You might get a verbal beatdown like you've never experienced before. This is one of the ugliest and most frustrating things about having ADHD for me. I'll tell the people I love that I hate them, that they're ruining my life, that I wish they were never born; I'll pick on the things I know they're sensitive about and call them every curse word in the book... only to regret it five minutes and sheepishly try to convince this deeply wounded person that I didn't actually mean it. It sucks. Big time.

And finally, the one I really wish I knew all this time...

12. Being Diagnosed With Something Else

Throughout this post, I've given a dozen examples of the ways ADHD symptoms can appear like symptoms of depression and anxiety. ADHD in girls is notoriously misdiagnosed, and girls with ADHD are three times as likely as boys to be treated for depression before being properly diagnosed. Beyond that, ADHD can be comorbid with anxiety and depression. I've dealt with anxiety and panic attacks since I was eight, and was formally diagnosed with anxiety at 17. When I was diagnosed with ADHD, I was told that I meet all the diagnostic criteria for depression, but it was likely that treating my ADHD would make it go away. My depression went away within literally one week of starting ADHD medication. My anxiety did not go away, but it has been reduced by about 50%. I realized that about half of the somatic experiences I identified as panic attacks were not triggered by mental anxiety but by sensory overload because, as ADHD brains do, I was perceiving way too much of what was going on around me and getting overwhelmed to the point that I would experience panic attack symptoms- dizziness, shortness of breath, nausea, you know the drill. Another statistic that would have made a difference in my life is that girls with ADHD are 2.7 times more likely to suffer from anorexia nervosa than girls without ADHD. I struggled with anorexia from age 16 to 19, so this was quite a shock to discover three years later. There's definitely some cool brain science behind that why that is, so maybe it'll be the subject of a future post!

If you have any questions about this post, or think that you or a loved one might be dealing with ADHD, do not hesitate to reach out to me with any questions! I also want to stress that this might seem like a lot, and that anyone dealing with all of this crap would stand out from a mile away, but if that was the case, so many of us wouldn’t go undiagnosed until post-secondary. I experienced all twelve of these signs and symptoms, but the only ones that pushed me to see a psychiatrist were relationship problems, difficulty with motivation, and verbal aggression. Most of these things didn’t seem like they were impacting my day-to-day functioning- I get good grades, have a job, and have no trouble making friends. So please don’t get fall into the trap of telling yourself that what you’re going through “isn’t bad enough to be a real problem.” If something feels off, see a doctor, because you deserve to live the best life possible.

That’s all for now folks! Stay tuned for my next post about Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.

#adhd in girls #adhd #attention deficit hyperactivity #mental health #adderall #earlgreyandadderall #adhd symptoms #girls with adhd #depression #anxiety #eating disorders #anorexia #anorexia nervosa #stress

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