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#anyway I'll be done with one of them at some point
imthesilentwriter · 3 days
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The Stars
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Harry Potter x Wolfstar!Daughter!Reader
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Summary: With a little help from the mistletoe, you and Harry share your first kiss under the stary night sky.
Warnings: first kiss, light teasing
Authors Note: I'm currently in the process of planning out a couple of oneshot ideas I've had in my head - so, as to prepare for the no time I will have over the next couple of weeks. These fics should be posted about a week or so apart, then I should be done with my final exams, and well... I'll be back. I hope you can understand, enjoy this fic!
Word Count: 2250
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You stand in the doorway to the boy’s dormitory, leaning against the frame as you watch Harry rummage through his trunk. The room is mostly empty, with only a few belongings left scattered about from students still ready to pack.
“Are you all set to go?” you ask, crossing your arms with a playful smirk, catching his attention.
Harry straightens up, turning to face you with that familiar messy hair of his falling over his glasses. “Almost,” he replies, his voice warm but a bit distracted as he shoves a book into his trunk. “Just making sure I didn’t forget anything.”
You raise an eyebrow, stepping into the room a bit more. “You’re not leaving behind any homework, are you? You did hand in that Potions assignment, right?” Your tone is teasing, but there’s a genuine question behind it. You’ve known Harry long enough to recognise that sometimes he forgets things when he’s too busy thinking about other stuff.
He grins, leaning casually against the trunk now. “Yes, Mum,” he teases back, the corner of his mouth quirking up as he crosses his arms in response. “Everything’s done. Handed in my Potions essay two days ago. Thought you’d be proud of me.”
You laugh softly, rolling your eyes but feeling a warmth in your chest as he steps closer. “I am proud. I’d hate for Snape to ruin your holiday with some snarky comment about missing work.”
Harry’s grin widens, his eyes sparkling as he takes another step toward you. “Don’t worry. I wouldn’t let anything ruin our holiday. Especially not Snape.”
You tilt your head at him, smiling, and there’s a moment of quiet tension between you. It’s the kind that has become increasingly familiar lately, and you can feel your heart speeding up just a little. His eyes linger on yours for a second longer than usual, before he shakes his head with a laugh.
“Anyway,” he says, breaking the moment, “we should head down for dinner before Ron eats everything.” He gives you a playful nudge as he moves past you toward the door.
You chuckle, following him out of the room. “Knowing Ron, we’re probably already too late.”
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You and Harry step into the Great Hall, the warm glow of the candles overhead flickering against the enchanted ceiling. You spot Ron and Hermione at the Gryffindor table, sitting close together with a half-empty platter of food in front of them.
As you approach, Ron looks up, his cheeks bulging with a mouthful of what appears to be roast chicken. He says something muffled, completely incomprehensible as bits of food fly onto his plate.
Hermione rolls her eyes, giving him a pointed look before turning to you at Harry. “He said, ‘It took you both long enough.’” She offers a small, knowing smile that makes your stomach flip. There’s a teasing glint in her eyes, as if she’s noticed how close you and Harry are walking together.
You feel your cheeks heat up, but you quickly sit down next to Harry, trying to act normal. “We didn’t take that long,” you reply, though your voice sounds more defensive than you intended.
Ron, now finally managing to swallow his food, grins. “Yeah, sure. You’re only the last ones here. Hermione thought you two got lost or something.” 
You scoff lightly, shooting him a playful glare. “We were just making sure Harry packed everything, unlike someone who nearly forgot their Charms homework last week.”
Ron shrugs, completely unbothered. “That was one time.”
Hermione looks exasperated but doesn’t press the point, instead glancing between you and Harry. “You two seem… close tonight,” she says, her voice casual but with a hint of teasing. “Sitting awfully close, aren’t you?”
Your heart skips a beat, and you realise that, yes, you and Harry are sitting closer than usual – your knees brushing under the table, shoulders almost touching. Harry shifts beside you, and when you glance at him, you notice the light pink tint spreading across his cheeks.
“Oh, uh-” Harry stammers, trying to play it off, “there’s just, you know, less space at the table tonight.” He sounds unconvincing, and you can feel your own face growing warmer.
Ron snickers, biting into a piece of bread. “Right. ‘Less space.’”
You kick Ron lightly under the table, earning a chuckle from him, while Hermione hides her grin behind her glass of pumpkin juice. Harry, still a bit flustered, reaches for a roll, but his hand brushes yours as you both go for it at the same time.
“Sorry,” he mutters, looking down at his plate quickly. You pull your hand back, feeling the butterflies in your stomach flutter more intensely.
Dinner goes on with light conversation, mostly centred around Ron’s enthusiastic retelling of his plans for Christmas and Hermione’s exasperation over his lack of preparation for the upcoming exams. All the while, you’re hyper-aware of how close Harry is, and how his arm occasionally grazes yours.
Once you’ve finished eating, the plates magically clear themselves, and Harry glances at you, an almost shy smile tugging at his lips. “We’ve got some time before bed… do you want to do something?” His voice is soft, hopeful.
You bite your lip, thinking for a moment, before the answer comes to you. “I’d like to go to the Astronomy Tower,” you say, your voice quiet but certain. “To look at the stars.”
His eyes light up, and he nods. “That sounds perfect.”
Ron lets out an exaggerated sigh. “Of course, the Astronomy Tower…”
Hermione gives him a look. “Oh, hush, Ron. Let them go look at the stars.” There’s a sly smile on her lips, and you have a feeling she knows exactly what’s going on between you and Harry, even if neither of you has fully admitted it yet.
Blushing, you get up from the table, feeling Harry’s eyes on you as he stands as well. You glance over at Hermione and Ron, who are both trying their hardest not to look too amused.
“Well, we’ll see you later,” Harry says awkwardly, shoving his hands into his pockets as he waits for you to join him.
You give Hermione a quick wave, and she winks back, as you and Harry head out of the Great Hall together, making your way toward the Astronomy Tower.
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The cold night air bites at your cheeks as you stand atop the Astronomy Tower with Harry, the sky above a sea of stars. They glitter against the black canvas, so clear and sharp that it feels like you could reach out and grab them. You pull your cloak tighter around you, sneaking a glance at Harry beside you. His breath forms soft clouds in the crisp winter air, his eyes trained on the sky, but you can tell he’s just as nervous as you are.
For a while, it’s quiet – almost awkward – as you both gaze up at the stars, your fingers brushing his for a split second before you quickly pull your hand away. The cold is a convenient excuse for the shiver that runs down your spine, but deep down, you know it’s not just the temperature making you feel this way.
Harry clears his throat, breaking the silence. “The stars are… really bright tonight.”
You nod, unsure what to say, your heart racing just being next to him. The space between you feels charged with something unsaid. “Yeah, they’re beautiful.”
Another stretch of silence follows, and you sense Harry shifting on his feet beside you, as though he’s gathering the courage to say something more. You’re at a loss for words, the nervous flutter in your chest making it hard to think straight.
Then, after a moment, Harry speaks again, his voice softer, almost hesitant. “You know… the stars, they kind of remind me of you.”
Your breath catches at his words, and you turn to look at him, your heart pounding in your ears. “Remind you of me?” you repeat, your voice barely above a whisper.
He glances down, shuffling his feet before meeting your gaze again. His green eyes are bright, reflecting the light of the stars above, and there’s something vulnerable in his expression, like he’s afraid of saying too much but wants too anyway.
“Yeah,” he continues, his cheeks flushing pink from more than just the cold. “They’re beautiful, obviously, but it’s more than that. They’re always there, constant, even when everything else feels uncertain. Like no matter what’s going on, you can always look up and find them.” His voice drops, a little shy as he adds, “You’re like that for me.”
His confession is so simple, but it makes your heart feel too big for your chest. You can’t tear your eyes away from him, and suddenly, the awkwardness disappears, replaced by a quiet tension that hums between you. There’s something in his gaze, something tender and full of hope, and you realize you’ve been waiting for this moment just as much as he has.
As you stand there, words hovering on the tip of your tongue, your eyes are drawn upward – and that’s when you see it. A sprig of mistletoe, its little white berries gleaming in the dim light, hanging just above your heads. It’s almost laughably convenient, but it’s there, and you know Harry’s seen it too.
Your eyes meet, and for a moment, you both just stand there, the realization hanging in the air. He glances at the mistletoe, then back at you, his breath coming out shaky, lips slightly parted as if he’s waiting for you to stop him. But you don’t.
Instead, slowly, carefully, Harry leans in, his movements tentative, giving you time to pull away if you want. But you find yourself drawn to him, your heart racing as you close the distance between you. Your eyes flutter shut, and then, finally, his lips meet yours.
The kiss is soft at first, tentative, like you’re both testing the waters, but it sends warmth flooding through you, chasing away the cold of the night. His lips are gentle, and the hand that’s been brushing against yours squeezes lightly, grounding you in the moment.
When you finally pull back, the world feels different, like everything has shifted into place. You open your eyes to find Harry staring at you with a soft, almost awestruck expression, his cheeks flushed and his breath shaky. You know you must look the same, a blush creeping across your skin despite the cold.
The silence between you is thick with emotions that have been building for longer than either of you realized. You’re both standing there, frozen in place, still processing what just happened.
Without thinking, your hand moves up, trembling slightly as you cup the back of his neck. His skin is warm beneath your touch, and you can feel him shiver – not from the cold this time, but from the same nervous anticipation that’s thrumming through you.
You pull him down toward you, closing the space between you once more, and kiss him again. This time, the kiss is more certain, a little bolder, your lips pressing against his with quiet intensity. Harry responds instantly, kissing you back with the same urgency.
But just as you’re getting lost in the moment, Harry pulls back, his breath shaky as he rests his forehead against yours, his fingers brushing lightly over your hand. For a second, neither of you moves, standing there with your foreheads pressed together, the stars twinkling above, the cold night air forgotten.
You let out a breathy laugh, something soft and uncontrollable that bubbles up before you can stop it. Harry pulls back slightly, his lips quirking into a curious smile.
“What’s so funny?” he asks, his voice quiet but warm.
You bite your lip, still smiling. “I don’t know… I guess it’s just – this. Us.” You pause, your heart racing as you search for the right words. “I’ve wanted this for so long... I didn’t think it would actually happen.”
Harry’s expression softens, his thumb brushing lightly against your cheek now. “Me too,” he admits, his voice barely above a whisper. “I didn’t know how to say it... but I’ve liked you for ages. I just... I didn’t want to mess things up between us.”
Your heart swells at his confession, and you realize just how long you’ve both been waiting, dancing around this moment. You take a deep breath, your voice trembling slightly as you speak. “I like you too, Harry. A lot. I’ve been so nervous around you lately, and I-”
Harry smiles softly, his forehead still resting against yours. “You don’t have to be nervous anymore. We’re okay. Better than okay.”
You smile back, the relief washing over you, a weight lifting off your shoulders. There’s nothing left to say; you both know now.
Without second-guessing yourself, you lean in again, capturing his lips in another kiss – this one slow and sweet, like a promise. His hands settle gently on your waist as he pulls you closer. The world fades away, and all you can feel is him – his warmth, his steady presence, the way everything just feels right in this moment.
When you finally break apart, the stars are still shining above you, but all you can think about is how bright everything feels now that the truth is out in the open. Harry looks at you with a soft smile, his hand lingering on your cheek as he whispers, “I think the stars were always meant to lead me to you.”
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takidarminato · 1 year
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I'm trying so hard to finish even one drawing but I keep starting new ones and never finishing the old ones. I have three drawings I'm working on and I have a popsicle painting lined up.
What happened to me working on and posting one drawing every month or so?
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doodlboy · 1 year
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Kiyotaka doodle page ft. Mondo
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13eyond13 · 8 months
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love it when a character that's hard to read intuitively for you has like a dedicated fandom interpreter who can just glance at their blank face in a panel and then give you a 3k word essay on their innermost thoughts & desires & fears and neatly tie it back into the themes & whatnot as if it's the most obvious thing in the world
#im talking about griffith btw#guts i feel i get intuitively - maybe because i have some personality traits in common with him#and we get more about his life concretely told to us in canon. so he is a bit easier to pin down as a character and feel attached to for me#but whenever i was reading the manga i just kept wanting more insight about griffith's actions and feelings#like ok yeah its fun to have mysterious antagonists and suspense /tension etc but its also fun to feel like you deeply understand them too#and i felt like that was a bit missing from him for me in canon#so reading about him in analysis and fics is the most fun for me rn#he always felt kinda half unreal to me- which maybe was the point of him - but i wanted a bit more about his childhood or something?#and wished we had more stuff explicitly from his pov in the story to read or explanation about his transformation or wtv#and now he's so much more closed off to me even than he was in the golden age. i keep waiting for him to explain stuff and he does not#ANYWAYS all this rambling to say some people out there are very good at interpreting him and making his like. insecurities#more obvious to me bc i didnt really get that side of him from canon intuitively well#also im really enjoying reading the first few berserk fics ive read#there may not be a ton of them out there but there is def writing talent in the fandom#i'll share some recs once i'm done sifting through most of what's out there to read#also (not to tie everything back to death note but it IS my home fandom after all)#i feel griffith is obvs the more light-like character here and L maybe a bit guts-like? but unlike berserk in death note#light is the one you get to know best and L is the mysterious / unreal one you don't get a lot of concrete insight into#and in the DN fandom I can read the more mysterious character intuitively but had to warm up to the less mysterious one instead#and the mystery of L makes sense to me and doesnt bug me as much due to like - he HAS to hide a lot about himself or else he will die lol#so some similarities there but also some opposite feels as well#berserk spoilers#p
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seaofreverie · 1 month
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GUUUYYUYSSSD !!!!!
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‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
KIMONO MY HOUSE VINYL!!!!!!
Also funny story which is that when my brother took these to the cashier he said something like "oh... Sparks... they were here one year ago"
#YES THEM BEING THERE IS EXACTLY WHY I TOLD MY BROTHER TO GO THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE ('there' being tower records in japan)#but i find it so funny that the cashier actually remarked on that fact too#anyway. you need to know that i'm feeling so very AAAAHHHH right now. all of these are such a big deal to me#i didn't think i'd actually own KMH ON VINYL at any point#also utterly shocked about the guerilla toss CD. very exciting to have that one too#they're one of my fav bands and i implore everyone who likes unhinged and very experimental and cacophonic rock to check them out#this album (eraser stargazer) isn't the most accessible thing there is out there but i really love it#(i don't even know how to describe it properly. it's just really something to behold anyway)#the plushie is also a gift from my brother!! i'll gladly take any name suggestions for him#oh and also sparks debut album. first album that i own both on CD and vinyl as of today#it's not even that it's my fav sparks album or anything (i do really love it though and it's definitely somewhere in my top ten)#it's just that some albums feel more like they 'fit' with the vinyl format than CD in sound. to me at least#one other example of that besides this one being gratsax#ok i think that's all i have to say about this. one of the most epic hauls of my life that's for sure#OH WAIT one more thing. somewhat unfortunate actually#which is that my brother said he's pretty sure he saw a latte vinyl#but when he passed by that section again like 10 minutes later he already couldn't find it. oh latte.......#it's ok i'll have it one day. i'm really curious what went down there though. did someone really snag it in those 10 minutes???#and yes in case you're worried i did thank my brother profusely for getting me all this#and now i'm going to force him to listen to the TMBG vinyl with me so that he's PREPARED FOR THE CONCERT#that's in 3 months and that he's know about for a year and a half. ok i'm done now#goosepost
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purpurussy · 2 months
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.
#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
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antirepurp · 1 year
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im gonna love putting him into frontiers and discovering 170 vertices with shit-tier weight painting that float above his head
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skooturmkdootlur · 11 months
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Oh yeah here's some Quint scribbles in wildly different artstyles lol
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in the process of making a website, fully ignoring it for a month and completely forgetting what I put in as any of the test users’ login info, what I did last, what my system architecture was, and 0 clue if anything’s up to date anymore <3 lovelyy im overwhelmed
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overdevelopedglasses · 3 months
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tell us more about essence 🙏🙏🙏
starts vibrating
GOD as much as I wanna talk about the story, I need to do just a little bit more exposition. Want it all to make sense, ya know?
So, assuming people have seen this post and this post, I've got what you're looking for under the cut.
Alright it's time to talk about spirits.
So throw what you know about spirits out the window, because "spirit" in the Essence world refers to the entities that can manipulate elements and energy.
For a bit of hierarchy, there's the first spirit (who's kinda lost to time, but we meet them in Essence), and then 3 different spirits who are dubbed the Creation Spirits: Soros (spirit of darkness), Uradata (spirit of abyss), and Illumi (spirit of light). In the olden times, they came down to the human world and made friends with some humans. As a bit of a token of friendship, some of the humans beared children beacuse of them (consensually!). We'll get to those children later.
After leaving the humans, these spirits got busy, and started making spirits to control elements. There's a lot of them, and we'll touch on them in a second. A few years later, something happened: the spirits and humans found out that the elemental spirits and the human children of the spirits could form a symbiotic bond with one another. These bonds... are just called bonds, but they are still a very common occurrence in the present day.
Anything beyond that delves into Essence lore, and I fear I'll ramble incoherently, so we'll stop there. For a conclusion, the new "terms" and characters I can introduce:
Bond: the link formed between a vessel and a spirit. For shelter and some nutrients from the vessel to the spirit, the spirit would grant the vessel usage of their powers, and if needed, armor and a weapon, whose form is decided by the spirit. There's some nuance to bonds, but I'll save it for another post.
Omega: spirit that controls plasma (limited control, but still pretty powerful). Bonded to Lily
Zephyr: spirit that controls wind. Bonded to Alex
Ravi: spirit that contols fire. Bonded to Percy.
Geoc: spirit that controls earth. Bonded to Enzo.
Vergals: spirit that controls ice. Bonded to Robin.
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animmal · 28 days
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getting a handle on mavis is kinda 😵‍💫 bc on the one hand she's an empath (literally) and is shown to generally have more emotional intelligence/maturity than dr🅰️x/nebs/rocket combined, but at the same time she apparently saw no problem at all whatsoever w kidnapping kevin 🥓 for peter 😭 which is like???? i mean maybe those two things can be true at the same time but like... How. 😭 is she an empath or is she okay w taking people against their will to give as a present to her brother ?
#just some thoughts b4 bed...#ooc.#james 🔫 leaving me to have to make sense of this all like ok thanks#i do think she's somewhat Stunted in regards to social behaviour that's considered acceptable or appropriate#bc for most of her life she lived on ego's planet w literally nobody else but him and his children (her half siblings) that he kept killing#he straight up didnt even acknowledge he was her father. he had her call him Master. so like... yeah. no parenting done there#but she gets Most of that sorted out when she meets the guardians i think#(like basically she figures out how Not to act by looking at dr🅰️x and 🚀 lol)#im also 100% sure gam🅾️ra would've taught her some things woman to woman (my girl i'll avenge u from what goftg3 did to u)#so u would THINK w/ all that mavis would think twice before just straight up kidnapping a guy. but No#im gna say this is bc mavis kinda has a one track mind. what she knows is that peter is sad and she wants to cheer him up#dr🪓 gives her a solution: get peter his fave hero#she goes yay! and is so fixated on that part of it that she doesn't stop to consider the consequences#bc kevin is just. part of the goal at this point and not a person#so she's always. Always well intentioned. just sometimes doesn't think about all the angles as much as she should#does that make sense? i hope so. imc rying#well intentioned but doing fucked up things also applies to that scene where she erases dra❌'s memory#bc he's sad!!!!!!! he was hurt by something she said so she wanted to take it away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#but she just went and took his memory of it without asking without even stopping to think if she should and that's#beautiful to me bc mavis is sweet and empathetic and she LOVES him just like she does all the other guardians#but she's fucked up too!!!!!! like the rest of them!!! just in different ways and i Love that in a woman#anyway. god. ive spoken too much in the tags. apparently i have a lot of feelings about this
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catboydan · 2 months
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fiance got me a kindle for my birthday <3
#val comes out of hiding#with a case and a grip strap (that interferes a little with the case but i'm making it work lol)#it'll be great for my arthritic sad poor hands lmao#and i can download ebooks to it! including fic <3#so like i have backup copies of my bookmarks and i threw them all on there#and threw one I planned to read on there too which i rb'd a few mins ago#it's great because we tend to be into those huge fantasy novels that I 0% can hold and take up a shit ton of space#like bringing brando sando books with me while traveling has been a PAIN lmao#now all i need is a battery pack to make sure it doesn't die. which is its own downside of course#and it means I can pirate so many ebooks. my god so many.#anyway to start with i think i'm gonna go back thru and re-read all my bookmarked fics i haven't read in a while#i'm quite stingy about bookmarks so they're all good (tho i have a soft spot for fluff in hindsight lol)#maybe i'll make a detailed rec post when i'm done?#in regards to fic too though I need to reach out to someone and say sorry for not being a very responsible beta.you know who you are.sorry:#but tangentially related; last night I had one of those core memory moments#it was bed time and fiance was snoozing half-asleep and i was reading fic on the kindle which works great in the dark btw. so dim#and i got up maybe 3 times in 30 mins or so go to the bathroom; get shit i forgot in the other room; etc etc#he's a light sleeper so he tends to wake up a lil#at some point he swapped our body pillows. i have no idea which time i got up it was. i didn't even notice for so long#i use a regular pillow and he has a longer actual body pillow so it was very obvious in hindsight#he loves to mess with me like that. little things make me laugh etc. and in the moment i realised i was just so happy#i'm here in this comfy bed with the man i love reading great fic with the gift he just got me and he's half-asleep and still trying to make#me laugh. and i laugh and laugh and laugh for like 5 mins because i'm so unobservant i didn't even notice it's not my pillow#and not even in a mean way. he loves that about me because he loves me. and he is just so good. so good.#and i was reading a fic about finding someone in any world. i would find him in any world. i would#and i just said 'i love you' and he cuddled into me and went to sleep.#<33333333333333333
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youremyonlyhope · 5 months
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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up
#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director#and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production#and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out#but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again#i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately#so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me#i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me#i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added#and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad#anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great#but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else#but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing#and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us#and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing#and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more#especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING#and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented#if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt#i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help#and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh#brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.
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ehlnofay · 1 year
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19 for the worldbuilding prompts + Torr?
the profound quiet of a small settlement at night
North Eastmarch is freezing cold all over, but it wears different outside the city than within.
Torr would never call Windhelm warm – not even in summer months, no matter how used to it they are – but what little heat it has it clings to with great determination. The walls huddle together, trapping the air so that it’s either still and muggy or a howling wind, like each close-knit house is breathing in tandem. The heat of the people run up and down its streets, blood through its knotted stone veins. The city is alive, an ecosystem unto itself; its snow, dark with footprints, runs sludgy down the roads; a fireplace is always burning somewhere.
Outside of the walls, surrounded by nothing but empty air and snow-laden trees, a slow-moving stream running with barely a burble – it feels dead, in contrast. Silent. Branches reach needle-sharp across the blue-black sky, the ground is gleaming white and undisturbed by anyone else’s footprints, and the nearest fire is the barely visible gleam of the Kynesgrove mining camp, up the hill and through the sporadic spindles of the trees. The breeze ghosts past Torr’s neck and whips the mud-stained snow into a flurry.
In the city, Torr’s comfortable sleeping almost anywhere – as comfortable as they ever get, anyway. Some of the buildings have great gaps under the porch where the snow can’t reach and no-one ever finds them; there’s places in the nooks of the walls, and sheds built into the side of the house that people don’t lock, and Torr knows a few people besides who don’t mind him kipping on their floor every now and again, as long as he doesn’t ask too often. The outside isn’t like that. There’s not many places to go. He’s lurking around Kynesgrove tonight – on his way back from a quick venture out to get some things done that pay better than running errands around the markets – and there aren’t many options. The inn, which he can’t afford – the mine, which would be warm but is very guarded – the miner’s encampment or someone’s house, both of which would most likely result in being chased off. Besides, there’s a performative element to meeting people, especially adults, in strange places, and Torr’s not in the mood to play to strangers. So much of his being is caught up in Windhelm’s grimy alleys, tangled in the hair and fingers of its discarded children; he doesn’t know how to be himself away from it all.
But they don’t have to, seeing as there’s the rickety old sawmill on the edge of a stream feeding into the harbour. It’s not bad, as shelter goes; no walls, so the wind rubs its fingers wraithlike down Torr’s cheeks and tangles them in his hair, but at least there’s a roof. It looks newly thatched, too, the floorboards free of rot, the water-wheel still chugging creakily along. There’s no wood to cut here, all the nearby surrounding trees too scraggy to be worth the bother. The only big ones are part of the grove up on the hill. There’s no point in keeping the mill running, but Torr is glad it is; he watches the distant firelight flickering through the scrub, and listens to the splashing of the wheel. It’s proof that people and the things they make do still exist – if not necessarily here.
It really feels dead, out in the cold, with the leafless trees and the wind that doesn’t even whisper. It always does. It’s a bit discomfiting, which is maybe why Torr doesn’t go on out-of-city endeavours as often as perhaps he could; but really, there’s not work out here enough to make it worth it. There’s always problems with bandits on the road, but Torr’s not a good enough fighter for bounty work; there’s collecting plants and things to sell Nurelion, but that’s easy enough to do on a day trip. (And, really, it’s more for Torr’s own enjoyment, besides. They never even venture far south enough to get to the sulphur pools, which is where the more interesting things grow.)
This trip, though, is an outlier. Unusually efficient. Just a quick job for Niranye, scouting a merchant’s cart on the road – almost definitely for something shady, but that’s not Torr’s business, and it was too much money too easy to turn down. And then – just earlier today, foraging out in the wilderness as best as Torr (a distinctly urban animal) knows how – they’d come across a giant’s corpse, stiff and white as the snow it lay in. Torr’s no master alchemist but they know the value of a cadaver when it comes to brewing alloys and admixtures, so they set to with their blunt-edged dagger and now they’ve got a sack full of what may as well be gold. (Long as it doesn’t start to rot before they can get Nurelion to preserve it, anyway.)
Torr’s going to be rolling in it when they get back to Windhelm. They could use that money for nearly anything – pay off a few things they borrowed, new warm things now that winter’s coming back strong, bedrolls, waterskins. Endless options – which, strangely, is more exciting than it is burdensome.
It’s all the sort of decision that would ordinarily feel life-or-death urgent but right now feels – not small. Not insignificant, not at all, but distant. A choice to be made at another time, by another person.
(Torr’s whole being belongs to Windhelm’s back streets. They’re someone else, away from it all.)
That’s the other thing about leaving the city, spending time in the discomfiting slow-paced ghost-world outside. It’s quiet. Torr sits surrounded by the wind in the trees, the lazy murmur of the stream, the creak of the water-wheel, and nothing else.
He’s been called a worrywart (mostly by Griss in a strop) but to tell the truth he doesn’t think that’s true. Torr doesn’t fuss for the sake of fussing, he just doesn’t like to leave things undone; can’t stop until he finds a solution. Out here, alone, in the empty cold, there are no solutions to find – same old problems back home, he knows, but no steps he can take at this time to right them. That’s never true while he’s in the city, so he can never stop thinking about it, every choice and action accompanied by a buzzing background chorus of everything else he really should be doing – that really should have been done by now – that should never have been left undone this long, what was he thinking? Everything is urgent when it’s doable. But here and now, there’s nothing to do.
So Torr sits hunched on the board floor of the ramshackle watermill, huddled among their heaps of bags and blankets, and thinks of nothing at all.
Not strictly true. They think of supper – haven’t eaten since an apple this morning, except for some snowberries they found around noon, and it’s been a long day. They nabbed some turnips from the garden of the Kynesgrove inn on their way to the mill. They’re fresh, if nothing else – also covered in dirt, so Torr rises reluctantly from their pile of stuff to crouch on the banks of the stream and dip the vegetables in to clean them off. It aches like hell, the frozen water turning their joints to ice – they almost drop the turnip they’re washing, so they scrub it as best they can with the frigid pad of their thumb and whip their hands out of the water soon as they’re able. They stick their fingers in their mouth to warm them back up.
Even after all that time spent warming up their hands, arraying all their belongings back around themself to conserve body heat, the turnips are still cold enough to hurt Torr’s teeth when he bites in. He eats them anyway, relishing a little in the unearthly silence and the aching of his lips and palms. They taste delicious.
With nothing else to do after, the gnawing of his stomach sated, he wraps himself in his shawl and stares up the hill at the camp’s fire until it goes out. The stars wink into brighter being. The wind whistles through the whip-thin branches of the trees. The water-wheel creaks.
Torr sleeps, but he feels like he hears it all – a silent observer, an echo, a beginning – until morning.
#I considered doing something with post-questline torr for this#but it would have been so fucking sad#and I didn't want to write something that was so fucking sad!#I'll post about torr after the horrors eventually but Not Today.#this was also initially supposed to be an exercise in writing something short that focused more on a distinctive atmosphere#than a scene or character study as most of my pieces are.#oops.#snowballed into an absolute monster of a ramble.#maybe sometime I'll use these prompts to write Actually Short pieces with more of a focus on the worldbuilding aspect...#would be good practice. everything I've written lately has been a thousand words minimum.#I could write about my minor characters or npcs with it too... yeah I think I'll do that at some stage#but. anyway. I quite like this piece as a sort of study#I fucking love writing characters who are having a nice time. with just a hint. just a whisper. of the problems#I enjoyed putting in the reference to the alchemical giant's toes especially because that is an allusion no-one but me understands#to a line in one of my very bad very early pieces on torr#it's not well written but I loved that bit because it's such a wonderful microcosm of the way torr is even before the murder cult thing#Yes he's the busiest most hardworking caretaking boy in the world taking trips into the wilderness (comparatively) to feed his family#and Yes his first instinct on seeing a corpse is to cut it up and sell it for parts#(he's done this to human bodies too but only in extremely specific circumstances. the risk of legal repercussions is too great otherwise)#I'll make a post rambling sometime about torr's ethical system because I'm so obsessed with them and their unhinged point of view#Anyway#done rambling#my writing#fay writes#oc tag#torr#the elder srolls#tes#skyrim#tesblr
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ayakashibackstreet · 7 months
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You know what, joining that Discord show club was a great idea, like half of my favourite PKC folks are there. And is there anything more wholesome than someone going '1!! hey, I remember that dog!! she's adorable, I'm glad she's doing well!' about a little pixel friend they made for you years ago?
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waterfallofspace · 1 year
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Hello. I am here to say that I am still absolutely insanely out of my mind every time I think about or rewatch D/abi's dance scene.
I know I haven't written him yet, but I absolutely will, and my love for him runs deep. But I just wanted to say that the image of him peering through his hair has been stuck in my head and I am losing it.
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I have included this image of said pose for your convivence. He has no. right. to look so good here. That is all, thank you for your time <3
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