#anyway im due for the next dose so im going back to bed.. im going to fully enjoy my being able sleep again. goodnight!!! :')

[faebunnyleap]

.

[dr-trafalgar-law]

Trafalgar Law X CisFem Reader

4

Your first night with Azul was not what you expected. It had been a long time since you had a puppy in the house. So long you forgot how much sleep gets lost. On top of being a pup she was still recovering from surgery and coming down off the pain medication before her next dose was due was difficult. The nights that followed seemed easier but perhaps you were just lost in your delirium. 

You stood at the coffee maker in the break room. 

"Are you trying to use your mind-yoi?" 

"Hmm?" you looked up at your boss as he glanced between you and the machine. 

"Oh, F/N… are you ok?"

Before you could answer he'd already switched into doctor mode, placing his hand on your forehead and looking over your clammy, paler than usual face. You thought you'd successfully covered the deep circles under your eyes - but apparently not. 

"Wha-?" you muttered, slowly registering what was happening, "I'm fine, I'm fine. It's just Azul…" a huge yawn interrupted you, making Marco chuckle.

"Ah, side effects of a puppy in recovery-yoi. Should I have Shachi help Chopper up front today so you can go home and rest?"

"No, it's ok. I'm fine really." you insisted. 

"She's sick?" Dr. Trafalgar questioned flatly, entering the room. 

"Just a little exhaustion-yoi."

"She should go home then," the other doctor murmured glancing over you and turning back to Marco. 

"I'm right here, ya know." you pouted, "I can't go home anyway - the reason I'm so tired lives with me now." 

"Just board her then-yoi. She's familiar with the staff." the blonde suggested. 

"I don't want her to think I've abandoned her." 

The slightest hint of amusement crossed the tattooed doctor's lips. 

"And we need to get used to each other." you added finally pressing the start button on the coffee machine. 

"Take a nap in overnight's office at least. I can't have my receptionist toppling over at the front desk." Dr. Newgate ordered. 

"Ok, ok. The phones quiet down between two and three. I'll have Chopper fly solo for an hour." 

Marco nodded moving to make his own cup of coffee while Law grabbed a can of tea from the fridge and exited quietly. Abandoning your coffee in the fridge for later, you made your way upfront to give Chopper the rundown. 

The overnight office was small and cold, perfect for an afternoon nap. There was a bunk bed against the back wall with a nightstand, an alarm clock and a touch lamp. The left side of the room was lined with shelves and storage bins, while the right was plastered with VetMed memes. 

You shut the door and pulled fresh blankets off the shelf before kicking off your shoes and getting comfortable on the bottom bunk. It really didn't take long to fall asleep once you got cuddled up. 

The sound of cardboard shuffling and crashing to the floor startled you. 

"Shit." The curse was so soft you thought you might've dreamt it. 

Yawning, you sat up as Trafalgar turned to pick up the box with a frustrated sigh. 

"Can I help ya with something doc?"

"That's - I didn't come in here to wake you up."

You pushed the blanket aside and stretched,"But you look like you need help." 

He reached into his scrub pocket retrieving a battery as you tapped the bedside lamp to brighten the room. 

"Where can I get this?" he redirected his gaze while you fixed your hair and slipped into your shoes. 

"What size?" you asked, stepping toward him. 

"Size?" he looked back at you confused before processing what'd you'd asked.

"Yeah," you chuckled, taking it from him, "your hands are huge, I couldn't tell if it was a double or triple A."

There was an awkward moment of silence while his ears began to burn. It was just a moment of confusion. He obviously knew batteries came in different sizes. But now he felt so stupid for pausing and you just chuckled it off like you always did. 

"We keep them in IMed*. I can show you." you offered with a small smile. 

"I have an appointment to get to." he murmured gruffly before excusing himself. 

You stood there alone with the battery in your hand not even knowing how many or for what device he needed. 

"What are you doing back here-yoi?" your boss asked as you stepped into his treatment area, "It has barely been 45 minutes."

Opening the drawer under the desk next to him you rummaged around for the box of double A batteries, "Doctor T couldn't find these." 

"So he woke you up?" The amount of outrage in his usually calm voice was almost flattering. 

"He really didn't mean to. He thought we kept them in the back office and dropped a box. Poor guy was so embarrassed he just walked out." you laughed, easing Marco's frustration. 

After collecting what you needed you made your way to Law's office. The mouse on his desk was turned upside down with the battery removed. You replaced it and set the extra you'd brought with you next to his keyboard.

"Here's a spare!" You wrote on a small post-it. 

On your way back to the lobby you stopped at the break room to retrieve your now cold coffee from the fridge. 

Chopper wasn't alone long but he had managed very well on his own. You were still tired but had enough of a nap to be able to focus on work. Luckily the afternoon picked up and you didn't have the down time to think about sleep. 

As you were preparing to close for the day and get Azul ready to go, your extension rang. 

"What's up?" you answered assuming it was one of the technicians. 

"Thank you, F/N-ya." Law's voice was soft and low. 

"Oh - uh right… the battery." you stammered feeling a little rush in your chest. 

"Yes, and I put some CBD chews in the bag hanging on Azul's kennel. That should help her wind down at night."

"Thanks doc, ya didn't have to do all that." you smiled resting the receiver against your shoulder while you powered the computer down. 

"No worries. Enjoy your evening." 

"Yeah, you too." you replied brightly. 

The last few interactions you'd had with Law were almost painfully awkward. Well, more so than usual. He was already not a very social human and reserved most of his politeness and niceties for the clients. Though on more than a few occasions someone complained that he was too cold and straight forward. All of that was fine with you until recently - you didn't have to speak with him often. Now one of his patients belonged to you. 

Perhaps you'd end up bonding with him after all. 

*Internal Medicine 

[kollector-of-stims]

hello i wasn't sure how to message you on this. but euphoria, fast heart rate and stiming more can be concerning. maybe you just need to go down a bit on the dose. but euphoria means the dose might be to high or you have another co occurring disorder. i hope it has gone away but please tell someone because its not normal for a regular dose. you should feel like u are able to do things not pushed as well, almost like you feel it does nothing but enough where u can function. usually they start on smaller doses because a small effect can do a big amount. its not well you have sever adhd so you need a higher dose. i'm not trying to gate keep or anything i just have known people with these experiences and wanted to let you know.

Oh sorry that I just now saw this! It's weird because I've been taking this higher dose for a few days and mood-wise I dont feel AS euphoric, but moreso like...less anxious? Also noticed that these side effects are more prominent if I take it on an empty stomach and they're more suppressed if I take it with food. Maybe taking it with food is a better way for me to take it, but I know for sure that sometime next week I have an appointment and my plan was to go down 5mg. Mainly to save money but also to adjust my dose as needed depending on the day.

Yesterday I tried to see if I could go without it, but eventually took it because I couldn't eat due to smell sensitivity and it helped like...calm me and took my mind off thoughts of smell. I think this proves this is definitely the med for me, especially since it also doesnt affect my sleep and does still give motivation. Currently worried that my words right now may not sound coherent because I just woke up, had taken one an hour ago and fell back asleep afterwards, and now I'm up again and still feel like I could sleep. It calms my racing thoughts.

Uhh so basically this version is different from another generic I had because these pills from this manufacturer dissolve better and therefore basically may act like a higher dose? Since the others I tried probably didnt absorb as well and therefore werent as strong. Taking this one with food seems to be the best idea in this case then, or at least until I talk to my doc. Yeah?

I also didnt mention that around two and a half weeks ago, I got a few tests done and I was diagnosed with like 4 different vitamin deficiencies and an infection, and with my generic at the time, I legit couldnt even get out of bed without 15mgs. A pill and a half. So we were like "ok, 15mgs is my dose".

Now though as my vitamin levels are rising with my supplements, maybe it would make sense to go back down, especially if this different brand acts stronger. At least if I use this same brand. So 10mg of wilshire if I get that or 15mg if I get teva (the first brand I used). This...cant really be done consistently though because of how I'm never guaranteed to get a specific manufacturer with controlled substances like these. Unless my doctor let's me keep my current paper rx forms for 15mg AND gives me some with 10mgs. But then I'm scared of things like, I dunno, legal trouble? Because it feels like I'm trying to hoard, but I just want to make sure I dont run out of medicine. But THEN I also feel like I come off as a drug addict😭

I just want to get my medicine consistently because I need it to function and be productive, but since it's got so much potential for abuse and can be dangerous, you just cant get it as easily and apparently people with more power dont think we all need medicine to be normal people ig.

ANYWAY LOL I DIDNT MEAN TO VENT LIKE THIS TO YOU IM SORRY- But yeah I'll try 10mg wilshire when I can. For now I'll take my 15's with food if I feel like they're too strong. Vitamin deficiency made me feel weak and fatigued, but now that I'm not as unwell? A smaller dose does make sense to me. For your peace of mind at least, euphoria, fast heart, and stimming urges have gone down some since my last post. And when I thought my lower dose had caused those, my heart test showed my heart was fine and I'm sure the heart stuff is the biggest deal.

I'll figure this all out and itll work somehow. Thank you for telling me and caring enough to tell me, and I'm sorry this got so long 😩

[first-edition]

Breaking Seasons

Spencer reid x reader fanfiction

Updates every Tuesday and Thursday.

Read the previous chapter here

Chapter 5

Summary- When y/n takes her sick friends criminology class to take notes in the winter, she meets the guest speaker, BAU-FBI agent Spencer reid. After getting to know more about each other due to a college school related case, that ends up involving y/n herself, they naught just have each to keep warm.

Cw- This chapter contains sexual themes such as heavy petting, kissing, touching and leaving hickies. However not actually sex occurs.

STORY BEGINS UNDER THE CUT

                                 ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The entire night spencer stayed with you. Holding you in your bed the entire night eventually falling asleep in his arms. Even then he didn't leave he just slept along side you. The morning came a gloomy day as rain cloud covered the sky. Snow falls clouding and frosting up your windows. Not allowing much light to come in as usual. 

Your eyes open as you're met with Spencer's brown ones he moves hair out of your face. 

"Morning." He says softly you burry your face into his chest hearing his light heart beat. He hugs you tighter. 

"Im sorry." He says which only makes your eyes tear up. You pull away from him and get up pulling the blanket off the bed and wrapping it around your self  walking out only to trip and fall landing of the ground. You huff and begin to cry the feeling of loosing your best friend hitting all a over again. Spencer Immedetly gets up and goes to you picking you up in his arms sitting on the ground with you in his lap hugging you. 

———

You sit on the couch as the news plays in the background high snow patterns and roads are closed in the local area your phone chimes signally classes are canceled not like you were gonna go anyway. Spencer who walks into the room from a shower and extra comfy clothes he had in his go bag. 

"Are you sure you're gonna stay your team needs you." You say. 

"No hot hotch texted me the others are held up in the hotel if they need me i have my lap top they can call." He says sitting next to you.

"Im sorry." He says 

"You need to stop that..stop apologizing you didn't do it. Your not the reason." You say drinking your coffee. 

"Thank you though... for spending the night with me. You didn't have to do that." You continue.

"Studies show that loved ones after another loss are prone to self harm weather is drinking drugs, or even cutting to killing themself i um...I didn't want you to be alone-" 

"Because you thought I'd hurt myself." 

"Becuase I care about you...I didn't like seeing you hurting" he says you put your head on his shoulder. 

"Thanks." you say he nods to you putting his head on yours. Your phone buzzes on the table another text from your ex. 

You take your phone and turn it to do not disturb. 

"Why don't you block him?" Spencer asks. 

"He works for my dad i need it as a backup contact" you say "spence.." 

"Hmm?" 

"Tell me something good." 

"Okay Nutmeg is a hallucinogen. The spice contains myristicin, a natural compound that has mind-altering effects if ingested in large doses." He says 

You chuckle "something good not weird."

"Made you smile though didnt it?" He says looking at you. 

"Tell me something about you you haven't told me yet." You say 

"Hmm I have a large burn scar on the back of my thigh and shoulder blade becuase of a bomb went off behind me and I fought on fire." He says 

"A bomb when off so close to you your got burned?" You asked concerned. 

"Yes a man had hacked our computer system through a game and we went after him and he'd set off a bomb. I'm sorry perfectly fine. I also got shot in the knee" He says 

"Wh-what!?" You say moving more to look at him involuntary putting you hand on his thigh.

"Y-yeah. I'm fine though" he says feeling your touch. He may have a germ thing but never with you. 

"Don't get shot again." You say he chuckles and nods.

"Yeah I'll um I'll try not to." He smiles

Once again you're caught admiring his features his light stubble. Curly brown hair falling slightly in his face that he pushes back when he talks. His brown eyes, soft cheeks,  and his lips those perfect lips.

He catches you starring at him he smiles his smile softens as he notices your features as you look at him. Your eyes move up to his and locks. 

"Can I kiss you." He says. He sit up a bit pulling back. 

"You're not supposed to ask." You reply.

He chuckles. "Sorry I don't really know if I c-" you cut him off pressing your lips against his kissing him. His lips catch yours and his hand rests agains your cheek keeping you too him. He inhales you sent of your sweet body wash and shampoo as he deepens the kiss moving his other hand down you waist. You move your arm around his neck. He pulls you up into his lap as you straddle him. 

Opening your mouth to breath ensures him a perfect path you slip his tongue in your mouth. Sloppily kissing you as you kiss him back. His hands grip your waist moving underneath you oversized shirt only now realizing that you're still pants less in your underwear. His hands travel up your back. Your finger wander is hair messing it up. 

Soon they move to his chest and down to the hem of his sweat pants slightly lifting his shirt feeling his torso of abs. He hisses into you and chuckles on your lips. 

"Your hands are cold." He says you giggle as he lightly squeezes your hips. Wanting nothing more that to see you. You pull off his shirt and move away from his lips kissing his perfect jaw and neck so close to leaving marks yet being mindful of his line of work. So you leave two on his collar bone he chuckles at your eagerness. 

You move back out to his lips pecking them. Almost teasing him. He dips his head down into your neck leaving a few kisses and moving to look down to your chest slowly lifting your shirt awaiting the beautiful sight that will be your breasts, big small, uneven it dosnt matter to him he wants you. He's falling for you.

The loud ringing on his phone takes everything to a screeching halt. He huffs and puts his forehead against your chest annoyed with his job. 

"Fuck." He mumbles you laugh running your fingers through his hair. He looks up at you pouting.

"Im gonna go write my thesis paper." You say pecking his lips and getting off him so he can put his shirt back on and answer the oncoming FaceTime. As you walk into your room.

Read next chapter here

[goofylaffytaffy]

Small Talk

Summary: She was on a bench. Looking out into gray hazy nothing. 

Marcy was there. Sitting right next to her with a big shining smile on her face, rambling about some sort of evolution thing. The hollowness in her chest filled with warmth and relief and affection. 

It was the fucking worst.

---

Sasha has a dream about Marcy

AO3 Link

Author’s note: i want to thank @jojobearoo and the rest of yall for sasharcy week! ik im about a month late but im not busy anymore, so apologies for that lol 

anyways! i absolutely loved everything that came out of it, and while i didn’t make anything in particular for it, this fic included, i was honestly so excited during it that i feel silly not acknowledging it. again, big thanks to those who participated, and i hope yall are having a good new year :)

---

She went to bed early. 

Sleep hadn’t been in her priorities for a while and she thought that it was time to change that. There was no room for exhaustion-induced hallucinations on the battlefield, and after a particularly rough morning consisting of shadow figures standing menacingly in the corners of her vision, she decided to go to bed early. She mumbled out an excuse to Grime, something about self care, who then waved her off urgently after a tight squeeze of her hand. He almost seemed excited to get her away from the field, something Sasha avoided thinking about on the way to the Plantar’s house. 

A sweet sort of syrup from Maddie made it easy to fall asleep. It was gifted to her when the revolution started picking up speed and the bags beneath her eyes turned black. At first she refused to take it — she was fine and repeated it endlessly to try to reassure her, although at some point it turned into her trying to convince herself rather than Maddie — but when Grime wordlessly slid it across the table during dinner, she bit the bullet and kept it in the bathroom cabinet for emergencies. 

The syrup made her fall asleep quicker, but the main reason she took it was for her nightmares. In fact, it took away all of her dreams, or she didn’t remember them, at the very least. When she asked Maddie about it, the girl shrugged and said she didn’t know that could happen, waving it off as a symptom due to biological differences. 

Maybe she shouldn’t have doubled the dose. Regardless, it was the first time she had dreamt in a long while. It was a weird feeling. Like she wasn’t welcome even though she herself conjured the space.

She was on a bench. Looking out into gray hazy nothing. 

Marcy was there. Sitting right next to her with a big shining smile on her face, rambling about some sort of evolution thing. The hollowness in her chest filled with warmth and relief and affection. 

It was the fucking worst.

She missed Marcy so much it her twisted the marrow of her bones and threatened to pop her heart. Seeing her act like nothing had happened was like balm on a burn.

“ – and I found out that the reason why the bugs here are so big is because of the oxygen levels! Although I can’t really figure out what the deal with amphibians is, it's definitely – ”

“Marcy?”

She stopped, “What?”

Her brown eyes sparkled like they usually did when she was ranting. Sasha didn’t want to wake up. 

“Can I have your barrette?” 

Confusion made her brows furrow but she still unclipped it. She shook out her hair and tucked it behind her ear. Her fingers were warm as they pressed into her palm, and right before they left, Sasha grabbed her hand. 

It was slightly uncomfortable, the barrette was clunky and so was the way their fingers folded, but Marcy caught on and straightened them out while looking at her concerned. 

“Why do you want it?”

Sasha didn’t trust her voice. There was a lump in her throat and she was tired of crying in front of the people she had to be strong for. She tugged Marcy by her hand until half of her was practically in her lap. She waited a few moments before hesitantly placing her hands on her back, her face wrinkling at the warmth. 

It felt so fucking real. 

Sasha was suddenly scared that Marcy would be ripped from her hands like how she ripped her own from Marcy’s in Andrias’ castle.

A few more seconds passed before she inevitably gave in, snaking her arms around her body and squeezing tight. 

It was nicer than she was comfortable admitting. It had been so long since she felt another warm and dry body. And it was her. 

Her chest expanded with every breath and she could feel puffs of it hit her neck. There was a give to her that warned her to not squeeze too hard. She was humming some tune from a video game and Sasha could feel the vibration travel from her body to her own. Sometimes her fingers twitched against her shirt and tapped out slow rhythms in time to her humming.

It was her. A dream version, but it was her.

She buried her face into Marcy’s shoulder as her own shook uncontrollably. They slowly melted into each other and their breaths synced, Sasha’s shaky and wavering, Marcy’s calm and guiding.

She really didn’t want to wake up. It was tugging at her softly, carefully fading them apart. She curled further into Marcy’s neck, her hands hopelessly trying to tangle themselves into her cape so she would never ever lose her again, the barrette digging into her palm.

“So, how’s it going?”

Sasha whimpered and laughed. 

She knew that this dumb dream was going to be burned into her memory forever. 

“I’m . . . I don’t know.”

“Sash?”

It took everything in her to not blurt out apology after useless sniveling apology. To not fall on her knees to beg for forgiveness for everything she had ever done wrong like a good God-fearing man. To not cry out and wail about how much every part of her ached. To not scream that she was doing it all for them. To not. 

“Yeah?” She asked, her voice muffled and warbly.

“What’s going on?”

The question made her tremble harder. She curled her fists into Marcy’s cape and took a breath to steady herself. Marcy smelled like sweat and dirt and citrus and Sasha wanted to make a candle, a perfume, an air freshener, a something out of it so she never forgot. She never wanted to wake up. 

“I missed you. It’s been.” The smell of burning came and went, “A while.”

Marcy hummed and patted her back a few times, nodding in understanding. She hesitated in her next words, and Sasha felt her open and close her mouth a few times. Her heart dropped to her stomach in anticipation, her body tense and ready to flinch.

“Sasha?”

“Yes, Marcy?” She asked quietly. A mutter of a murmur. Any louder and she was scared she was going to fall apart for good.

“Are we all you want?” 

Yes.

It was automatic. Thoughtless. It bounced in her skull, loud and repentant. Heedless.

And Christ forgive her but a part of her longed for the ignorance for when she didn’t know Anne and Marcy were what she wanted. For when she thought about them like how people thought about the things they needed to do. Constant and linear. Controlling and tiring.

Marcy pulled her in closer and played with the short hairs on the back of her neck. It sent pleasant shivers down her back.

It was simpler to think like that. To think that she had her dues and they had theirs.

Because otherwise, she was faced with the fact that their love wasn’t conditional. That she didn’t have to spend year after year carving her niche into rock with sore blistered fingers. And it fucked her up even more to realize that she would do it all again regardless because her love was just as unwavering as theirs, reciprocated or not.

“I don’t know how to answer that,” she lied, so thick and so blatant she knew Marcy knew.

She just chuckled stiffly, “Uh huh.”

Sasha rolled her neck and rested her forehead on Marcy’s shoulder, “I just think I wished I changed more.”

Marcy whispered, “To where you’d forget us?”

“No but to where I don’t need you and Anne,” Sasha said, savoring the words on her tongue.

Marcy’s breath shook and Sasha wasn’t really sure if it was warranted. It wouldn’t kill her to be a bit less dependent. To be less selfish.

“You guys aren’t even here. I don’t see the point in saying it.”

She wasn’t exactly ready for it though, being less dependent on the girls who ruled every one of her childhood choices. She wasn’t even ready to swallow the fact that Anne and Marcy had achieved things without any of her input on them. She was being left behind to be nothing but a faded memory. Like a sun bleached toy. 

She wanted to be what they talked about. She wanted to be who they reached their goals for. She wanted to be the person shaped hole in their chests. She wanted to be what they spent the rest of their lives looking for. She wanted to be wanted like how she wanted them: possessive and controlling like what she was trying to rid herself of. 

“Would you rather that Anne be here, too?”

And she and Anne would never know how she felt like she was made for them. How she was finally proving it, painstakingly relaxing her iron grip from the reins, slowly wiggling her overgrown nails out of the flesh of her palm, stretching out each creaking joint until it popped. 

“No. No it’s fine, I just. Give me a second.”

Sasha swallowed thickly and rubbed her snotty nose on Marcy’s cape with a weak smile. It felt soft, and Marcy groaned and chuckled, holding and pressing her shoulders away so they could face each other. 

Her eyes were going to be the death of her, she thought. Bright and so earnest. Cheeks as full and soft as July peaches. Sasha tried her best to keep her sobs at bay, laughing breathlessly with a best friend she needed more than she needed herself.

Nothing was fair but this personal crime had to be the most cruel and unjust.

Marcy grabbed her wrist. Sasha didn’t need to be told to open her fist. She picked up the barrette and touched Sasha’s face with her free hand, turning her head towards the floor so she could position it right. It clipped on with some pressure and a short snap, and then her hand slipped down to her cheek, cradling it. Sasha leaned into its warmth. The other found Sasha’s hand and squeezed it encouragingly. 

Marcy looked down for a moment, curling into herself for a short second before meeting Sasha’s eyes again. A sudden pain shocked her heart and she wasn’t sure how much longer she could hold out.

“Tell me I’m all you want. Please.”

Sasha never ever wanted to wake up.

She choked and let the dam break, hoping her tears could repay the debt of yearning for someone she loved yet hated. For someone she should’ve been better to. For someone she shouldn’t have left. For someone who would never come back. For thinking that it should’ve been her but knowing that she wouldn’t have had the guts.

Her voice was choppy and almost unintelligible, her cries full and interrupted by exhausting blubbers that made her face blotchy. Snot dripped from her nose onto her pants and some of it got into her mouth, thin and watery. 

Marcy paid it no mind as she wiped her tears. 

It felt so fucking real. 

“You are always what I want, Marcy.”

[schnees-and-schnugs]

head empty baby schneebling ficlet ??? (just so yall know i had no idea what this was going to be about until i started typing so im gonna be surprised by what i write too). if it seems that winter has chronic ADHD brain in this fic its bc i have chronic ADHD brain and that’s just how i roll.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

  Winter tried to ignore the meowing as long as she could. After all, there was not a single feline creature to be found in the manor, so either she’s dreaming or hallucinating. Or maybe her ears are ringing from her father’s latest tantrum. 

  Being held hostage at the dinner table and forced to listen to his incessant barking voice ought to have caused me permanent brain damage. She smirked under her covers. Now if I can close my eyes and go back to sleep-

  “MEEEEROOOWOOW”

  What the fuck is that?

  Winter knew she ought to get up but she really did not want to. Her thighs ached from horse riding lessons earlier in the day. Her head ached from her business studies her father forced down her throat. Her soul ached from the pain of existence. She was beginning to think she was being punished for some transgression- if being unbelievably charming and sexy deserved- actually, I don’t think I’m going to finish that train of thought. 

  Winter could only tolerate her own sense of humor in small doses, but giver her situation- her entire life up to this point- she didn’t think having an unbecoming jocularity was high up on her list of Current Problems and Tragedies. In fact, it’s quite low given that her father makes up the better part of the first half. 

  She rolled onto her side, one ear muffled by her pillow, and the other under the soft thick layer of her cotton blanket. The noise seemed to have disappeared, and Winter was quite okay with that. She wondered briefly of the possibility of a mountain lion finding its way into the Schnee Estate. She wasn’t even sure if wild animals such as that existed in Solitas, much less bright and pristine Atlas. Winter wasn’t even sure if mountain lions meowed. 

  If a beast made it’s way into the manor, what would I even do? No doubt she would try to locate the animal, gather Weiss and Whitley in her arms and stow them somewhere safe. Maybe even use a piece of meat to lure the lion into father’s bedroom, she mused. Winter tried lull herself back to sleep with the thought of her father begging her for mercy as she unleashes her new pet-

  “MREEEEEEEEEEEWOOOOOOOOOOOOOW”

  Her eyes snapped open. Gods-

  A soft muffled voice followed the feline yell. A familiar voice. A voice exactly suited for one little boy she new very well. 

  Winter narrowed her eyes and listening closely. She could tell it was Whitley from the general childish sound of his tone, but due to her very comfortable position in bed, she couldn’t quite her the specifics. Huffing, she sat up and pricked up her ears.

  “... quiet....please kitty... you’re going to wake up....”

  Winter sputtered. Kitty?

  Did Whitley somehow bring a cat into the manor? She didn’t doubt that given the chance he would- he was overly fond of animals in a way that Winter never understood. Not that she hated animals per se, but the idea of the added responsibility of a pet on top of her already ever-growing responsibilities of being heir to the SDC did not sit well with her. Whitley on the other hand, being the third child, and well, and actual child, didn’t really have much to care about beyond his normal tutoring sessions. Which means that, of course he can have a tiny bird feeders outside his window to feed the little birdies and cry at the sight of a roasted chicken because how could they kill and cook and innocent little animal?

  Winter didn’t understand how a child under 10 years of age could be taken by vegan persuasions- even Father was shocked to silence at that outburst at the dinner table.

  The sound of Whitley’s voice faded out as Winter strained her ears. If he did bring a cat into the manor, she needed to fix that immediately. Father would be furious at not only being woken up in the middle of the night but Whitley breaking the strict rule of no animals whatsoever allowed indoors.

  Father is allergic.

  (What animal he’s allergic to is unknown, but Winter suspects he’s just afraid of them).

  Sliding off the bed, Winter winced at the feeling of cold tile on her bare feet. She simultaneously thought of giving Whitley a good scolding for making her roll off of bed at such an ungodly hour and thanking the Gods that Whitley’s room was right next to hers on the other side of the wall. And the farthest away from Father’s room.

  Sliding her feet into a pair of pale blue fluffy slippers, she cautiously stepped out of her room and into the hallway. The moment the clock strikes 12 the hallway lamps usually shut off on their own, leaving at least this portion of the manor pitch black until the sun rises and lights up through the windows. If Father was working late he would manually change the lights to turn off at a later time- only to suite himself, of course. Everyone else who had the misfortune of living in the manor had to finish up and be back in their rooms by midnight or suffer having to find their room in the dark among the endless doors that lined the hallway. Winter had mastered the art of blindly walking down this hall- but not without multiple mishaps and embarrassments at first, unfortunately. 

  Arms outstretched, Winter felt her way from her doorway to Whitley’s room. She kept close to the wall and tiptoed, feeling for the doorknob before pressing her ear against the room door.

  “Are you hungry little kitty?” There was an affirmative purr and Whitley hummed. “I’m going to have to find you some treats...”

  Winter could practically hear the cogs turning in his little adolescent mind. She knew for sure that Whitley was formulating a plan to break into the food storage for the animals in Mom’s garden- would they even have any cat food in there? He surely is going to be disappointed. 

  Winter sighed. She almost wished she had stayed in bed. She turned the knob and nudged open the door, prompting Whitley to softly gasp. 

  “Winnie!” She heard him quickly shift on his bed. Winter stepped fully into the space before gently closing the door behind her. She turned towards him and assessed the scene before her. Whitley, in his white nightgown, sat in the middle of the bed. He was cradling a suspicious lump wrapped up with his blanket while his round face was contorted by a small frown as he stared back at his oldest sister.

  “Father says that we shouldn’t leave out room after midnight”, the lump shifted and Whitley clutched it tighter.

  “Father also says we aren’t allowed to bring animals into the manor...” Winter crossed her arms over her chest. “What’s that on your lap?”

  “Nothing!”

  “Are you sure?” Whatever annoyance Winter felt melted away at the sight of Whitley pouting. She sauntered playfully to the edge of his bed and wiggled and finger in his face. “Are you lying to me? Your older sister Winnie? You’re lying to me?”

  Whitley broke eye contact. “Well...” The lump mewed and a furry white paw extended from out of the cover of the blanket. Winter raised a brow.

  “That looks suspiciously like a cat.” Winter crawled into his bed and uncovered the little creature. The cat loafed on Whitley’s lap, grooming the pristine white fur on around its pink paw beans. It looked to be a few years old. 

  “Isn’t it pretty?” Whitley caressed the cat’s back, having already moved on from the earlier argument. Winter tried to pat its head but the little critter swiftly dodged her palm and scampered to the edge of the bed and curled up, seemingly to sleep. Rude.

  There’s a more present matter at hand anyways.

  “Where did you find it?” Winter turned her attention back to her little brother.

  “Her”

  “What?”

  “It’s a she, Winnie! Look at her butt!” Winter politely declined the suggestion. She had no interest in inspecting the cat’s backside- she didn’t seem to like Winter anyways.

  “Well, where did you find her?” 

  “I didn’t find her! Mr. Hartley gave her to me”

  “The grounds keeper?”  Winter scoffed. “Why would he give you a cat?”

  He narrowed his eyes at her. “Why don’t you don’t believe me?” His eyes started to brim with tears and he grabbed Winters right hand with his own two smaller ones. “Father said we’re not allowed to bring animals in here but I didn’t know what to do! Mr. Hartley said he’s leaving but he can’t take her with him. I said I would keep her. But Father is going to yell at me if he finds out- I’m scared...” 

  Winter’s chest ached at the desperation in Whitley’s voice. This isn’t normal is it? For a child to be so terrified of their parent like this. When she was his age, she felt the same way- so scared and vulnerable. It was the end of the world to get negative attention from Father, and most of the time it seemed to be the only type of attention he gave. It almost seemed par for the course all those years ago. She didn’t know any better- it was just the norm.

  Looking at Whitley, petrified like she was- she could see the abuse from the outside. Almost as if she’s watching her own experiences and she’s chained to a front row seat. Except she didn’t have an older sibling to hold her hand and to share the pain with. To protect her. To defend her. Isn’t that what she always wanted in the worst days of the past? Couldn’t she be that now?

  Whitley couldn’t keep the cat. There was no amount of convincing that could make Father give in- it’s always been about his own ego, more than anything. But that doesn’t mean that Father has to know this cat was ever here in the first place. Atlas has plenty of animal shelters, and having a pet cat was in vogue now. She would convince Whitley to let Klein take the cat to the nearest one in the morning. Father would never know if they were discrete. 

  “Winnie...” Whitley’s bright blue eyes searched her face.

  Winter grabbed him under his arms, and with little struggle, sat him between her stretched out legs. She hugged him around the waist from behind and softly told him her plan. 

  “... do you want to do this with me?”

  Whitley sniffed. “I can’t keep her?”

  “Father won’t allow you to. We can make sure the kitty is safe and taken care of though... Klein will do this for us, I know it. You won’t get yelled at and you can tell her goodbye in the morning. Father will be none the wiser.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means that he’ll never know.”

  Whitley was quiet for a few seconds before Winter felt him nod softly beneath her chin. “Can I sleep with her tonight?”

  Winter blinked. She forgot it was currently hours past Whitley’s bedtime. He must be half asleep.

  “Yes. Just make sure to keep her in your room, okay? I’ll leave a message for Klein to see in the morning. Don’t...” She paused. She noticed Whitley breath start to even out as he fell asleep against her.

  I suppose I’m going to be sleeping her tonight also. She needed to make sure that this all goes well. However, Winter couldn’t ignore the uneasiness in the pit of her stomach. Was she just getting Whitley used to this? Hiding secrets out of fear? Was she allowing Father to have his way in Whitley’s eyes? Getting Whitley accustomed to living under Father’s thumb? She was just trying to protect him. But she couldn’t shake the feeling of selfishness, that she was denying Whitley happiness for the sake of peace with their Father.

  Mom always told her to choose her battles carefully. 

  She couldn’t help but feel that if she chose all the wrong ones, she’ll end up hurting Whitley beyond repair.

[thekingsparty]

//so, we’ve been back home for a bit but had to eat and blah and i got mom into bed after a very long, v stressful day. i’m gonna ramble on angrily under the cut for those who wanna read, otherwise quick summary. mom’s not really been helped, we gotta make sure to bring her in if her hands gets any more numb and she will have to stay there until ...well, idk. a while. i’m dead tired and just doodling around making icons while watching markiplier. i had to reschedule teaching to tomorrow, thursday is regular and then friday is class. im defs gonna try getting some sleep tonight for once. 

so, mom is v stubborn and doesn’t usually go see doctors. we all know now where i got that from lol, tho for me it’s mostly the fear of interacting with humans lol. so we got her to the doc today but they wouldn’t see her bc it was crowded and so they sent her off to the hospital bc she can’t wait until the 15th when their next open maybe-appointment is. she has been in pain since november and constant pain since new year. my mom is a fckn iceblock when it comes to pain usually, so for her to be unable to think due to pain ... i really don’t wanna imagine how bad it really is. her hand started going numb yday, which is the main reason she agreed to get help finally. 

we got to the hospital she used to feel safe in and promptly got her opinion changed. nurse lady was so, so horrible. she basically subtly called mom out for going there when she didn’t “just fall today” and made her out to be like a hypochondriac when she was basically crying in front of the lady in pain. i kept her on her feet but (and mom usually is like.. she’s got a bigger mouth than any other person on the world with excessive self esteem lol) she was so out of it after the lady spat at her the way she did, she barely got any words out, she forgot to mention her allergies and lady also didn’t even check if mom was taking any meds before offering all kinds of pain meds. like wtf. she then sent us back to the waiting room with the warning that we would have to wait very, very long bc mom isn’t really sick ofc. >_< 

so we waited for almost 6h, then finally got in. doc was young and v cold at first, which didn’t go over well with mom bc she almost collapsed on the floor after sitting for so long and i had to fckn carry her into the room. there were nurses and staff all around who saw her and nobody gave a fckn shit a potential patient clawed her way along the wall towards the room at the end of the corridor. ugh. anyway, he didn’t introduce himself or anything at first but i think he noticed how bad mom was doing and he softened up a little. still kinda cold but ... less so. he did a few tests and blah. so he’s p sure  one or more of the ver...tebral discs uhhh well, between neck and shoulder did a thing. her worst pain (it starts between shoulder blade and spine basically and vibrates/throbs into her fingers) is located a bit too ...high or low, but he still thinks so. he did some slapping on her neck lol and she like: i mean.... you’re hitting me so yea it hurts. XD 

anyway, he wants her to get an mri asap, but it’s not bad enough for them to do anything about it other than give her different pain meds. she’s using v strong ones (they dun help but attack the stomach) so he’s given her 2 days worth of strong ibu (you only get a dose of 400mg here, stronger is a doc thing) but given that doc won’t see her until like .. the end of next week if lucky... great day, really. if her hand gets any number and she can’t grip anything anymore, we gotta bring her in immediately. *sigh* i just want the pain to stop for her. she’s so done i can see it but there’s nothing i can do. she wants to rest tomorrow bc she’s v unstable emotionally rn and today like, finished her off, but i’m gonna gently poke for her to call anyway and maybe poke my student’s mom about seeing if mom’s ordinary doc (blood pressure etc) can get her the papers for an mri despite another doc having to look at them later on. student’s mom works at our doc’s place. 

[wiener-soldiers]

merch? merch. - peter parker

summary: You were always a sucker for comfortable clothing. However, you did not expect so much to happen because you bought a Spiderman shirt.

pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

words: 1,500+

warnings: none!

taglist: @sebastianstanfoundmymixtape

a/n: this has been sitting in my draft for forever and i finally finished it! got this idea when i bought a spiderman shirt lolololol. im also working on a jack kelly and a davey jacobs fic along with part 2 to my steve trevor fic so yay me.  shoot a request if you wanna see somthing happen!

You weren't really sure why you did it.

Maybe it's because you were a huge dork, maybe because it looked really comfortable, maybe because it was super cheap, maybe it's because you really liked the shirt.

You don't really know.

Nor did you really care.

But you bought it anyways.

And now, an oversized Spiderman t-shirt was sitting in your closest.

The first time you wore it, you were having a rough day. You woke up late that day, making you late to the bus, forcing you to haul your ass on the subway to get to school. You barely make it to homeroom on time, but get a scolding from the teacher about being late anyways. Then you completely forgot your English essay at home the day it was due. Finally, hoping you could spend quality time with your best friend Peter Parker after school, he blew you off, something about running to do some errands for Aunt May. You wanted to offer to join Peter, but he ran off before you could ask.

So you went home, changed into a comfortable bralette and some soft Brandy Melville shorts, and of course, your Spiderman t-shirt. Because it's oversized, it falls onto about mid-thigh, so you tie it up into a knot at the front. Because your mom works that night shift at the hospital as a nurse and your dad was in London for a conference, you had the house to yourself.

You walked out of your room and into the living room, bringing your laptop, homework, and some leftover Thai takeout along with you. After you plant yourself on the couch, you start to binge watch Harry Potter while doing your homework.

When your mom finally came home from working the night shift at the hospital, she finds you fast asleep with your homework falling on the floor and the end of the Chamber of Secrets playing.

The next morning, when you wake up from your spot on the couch, she makes no comment on your Spiderman merch.

The second time you wore the shirt, your close friend MJ came over to watch Criminal Minds with you. This was your first break after the beginning of the second semester and both of you were dying to get your dose of Spencer Reid in.

The moment you answer the door, MJ laughs at your outfit choice.

"Nice shirt, nerd," she says as she kicks her shoes off, pushing hair behind her ear as she bends down to retrieve the chips and candy she brought.

You scoff and lightly kick her butt as you walk by, "Whatever."

"No seriously," she says while she chases after you, "Boxers and a Spiderman shirt? Where did you even get those?"

"The shirt?"

"No you idiot, the boxers! But where you got the shirt wouldn't hurt either."

You laugh and grab some chips, a tub of ice cream and spoons, and some sodas from the kitchen. "I got the shirt from a gift store in Manhattan."

"And the shorts?"

You look down at your feet, heat rushing to your face. To keep your hands occupied and grab the remote from the counter, walking back to the living room. You hear a scoff escape MJ's lips, "It's Peter's, isn't it?"

Your face burns and you throw a spoon at her face, "Shut up!"

She scrunches her nose, "Ew, who leaves boxers when they stay over?"

You mumble something under his breath.

She rolls her eyes again, "Speak up, dammit."

"...He gave them to me."

She bursts into laughter, "She's whipped! The girl's whipped!"

The third time you wore the shirt was when Ned came over to do a project.

You were assigned partners for a science project and you insisted  that Ned came over to do the project as oppose to the school library. After school, the library was usually fairly quiet, but because of the pouring rain outside, a lot of students stayed inside the library to wait out the storm.

The two of you ran from the subway station two your family’s apartment, but the pouring rain almost guaranteed that the both of you would get drenched regardless.

After hastily unlocking the front door, the both of you stumbled inside.

"Gee, (Y/N). I'm starting to think that going out into the rain was a bad idea," Ned laughs out. He opted not to wear his raincoat to protect his books. You were just stupid enough not to bring one.

You giggle, "Yeah? Well I was not about to let us do work in a loaded library that'll smell like mud and everyone's B.O."

He laughs, taking off his shoes and dumping the water on the floor. He wrings out his socks after. "That's really gross, man."

You follow suite, "You bet. Hold on, I'll grab us a change of clothes."

You run to your room and grab some clothes Ned had left at your house. You grab a couple more supplies for the project before you change into pyjama pants and your comfy Spiderman shirt.

You meet Ned in the living room and he does a double take when he sees your shirt.

"What?" you ask him.

"Nice shirt."

"What? MJ, now you?"

"Who's MJ?"

You look back at him, "I thought you knew you MJ was?"

"..."

"You know, brown curly hair? Sarcastic sense of humor? Absolutely gorgeous?"

"..."

You roll your eyes, "She goes by Michelle, Ned."

He widens his eyes in revelation, "Oh!"

You laugh at him and hand him the dry clothes, "Go change, Ned."

"Okay, okay!" Ned replies, grabbing the clothes from you with a smile from your face. "Thanks, (Y/N). Oh, and uh...does Peter know you have that shirt?"

You shake your head, "No."

"Show it to him, I bet he'd love it."

A blush was your response, "Go get changed, Ned."

The fourth time you wore that shirt was to bed.

At least that was your intention.

A soft rapping on your window wakes you. You roll around to face the window and notice a familiar red mask in your field of view. You sigh and roll out of bed and open your window to let the spandex clad man in.

"Hi, Spiderman."

He grunts silently in pain when he rolls through your window, "Hi, Miss."

You let out a huff in annoyance. For the past couple weeks, Spiderman has been showing up injured to your window asking for assistance. You had no idea why you hadn't told anyone yet, or why you decided to help him. However, he never asked for your name and you felt like this was your way of crime fighting and helping others.

"Where are you hurt?" you softly say, scrunching your eyebrows together and looking over is hunched form.

Spiderman slowly lowers himself on the ground and gestures to his ribs. You nod and leave the room, coming back with a pack of ice. He looks up at you and lets out a small laugh, "Nice shirt, (Y/N)."

You freeze.

You had never told him your name.

You step back, your hand hovering over the light switch. "Who are you? How do you know my name? What the hell?"

He stutters, "Uh...you have to promise not to scream."

"I make no--" you start to say, but before you get the chance to finish, he rips his mask off.

Peter Parker gives you a small sheepish smile. Your shock doesn't fade.

Out of shock, you throw the ice pack at him. "Peter!" you whisper yell, "you're Spiderman?!"

"I told you not to scream!"

"I'm whisper screaming!"

"Look, I'm sorry I couldn't tell you. It's just that--"

"No, Peter Parker, you listen to me! Do you really have the audacity to show up hurt every night? I thought you hated me because you kept blowing me off! I really freaking miss you Peter I could almost--" you cut yourself off with a scrambled scream.

Peter stands up and pulls you into a hug, silencing and comforting you. You push yourself away.

"Peter Parker I could almost soak you in the face right now!" you threaten, stepping closer to him noses almost touching.

"What's stopping you?"

"Why you little--" you grab his face and kiss him, hard. His arms snake around your waist and pull you closer. You both pull away, out of breath. He rests his forehead on top of yours, heaving from the adrenaline.

"I'm sorry," he whispers.

You kiss his nose, "I'm just glad your okay."

He kisses you on the lips once again, "I wasn't kidding when I said I loved that shirt."

You smile and look down. Peter’s eyes soften and he brings his hand to rest on your cheek. He slowly pushes your chin upwards to face him. Your eyes flicker up to his. Though is dark, you find yourself lost in his chocolate eyes.

“Hey,” Peter whispers to you, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I kept ignoring you. You mean the world to me (Y/N) and I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I was keeping something as big as me being Spiderman away from you. But I could never bring myself to tell you, I...I didn’t want to drag you into this.”

You pull him into a tight hug, nestling your nose in the crook of his neck. You turn your head and rest your cheek on his shoulder, and you press a soft kiss on the side of his neck. “I’m in it for the long haul, Peter. You’re my best friend, and I love you in every way possible. Whether you like it or not, you’re stuck with me.”

Peter’s body shakes with laughter, his grip on you tightening. “I wouldn’t want it any other way, darling.”

The fifth time you wear that shirt, it's in bed beside  Peter as the both of you binge watch the original Star Wars trilogy. He rests against the headboard with you sitting in between his legs, your back resting against his chest with his arms wrapped around your waist. He toys with the hem of your shirt, a smile finding a way to his face when he remembers the first time he saw you in it.

You notice Peter's hands brushing against your stomach and slip your hand into it. "What are ya thinking about?" you ask him.

"Just about you, beautiful. Have I ever told you that I love you?"

You feel him press a kiss to your neck and you smile, pausing the movie playing on your laptop resting on your lap. "Yes, Peter. Everyday."

"That's good. I mean, if you ever came out with some '(Y/N) (Y/L/N)' merch, I'm buying it."

You laugh once again before kissing Peter full on the lips, the smile never leaving either of your faces.

[crowned-ladybug]

hmu with all the jackieboy man hc you got! im working on an art project and i need some ideas to go off of ^-^

Oooh, gladly!!

(Under the cut bc there’s a Lot and it’s probably not even all of them)

He’s tall as heck (second tallest ego after Dark, tallest of the Septics) and kinda lanky, suprisingly badly coordinated when not doing his hero-y things

He has a lot of scars from past fights and accidents. Also some birthmarks, and stretchmarks on his tighs, hips, chest and back.

He’s less “super muscular comic book beef-man” and more agile and wiry and yknow. built like an actual person

Never cared much for the green hair and let it go without any fuss (egos can choose whether to keep their hair colour or let it change when their human counterpart changes it too). He should really get it cut now tho bc it’s getting Long and Bothersome

His eyes squint a lot when he smiles and it’s v cute

When not in his hero gear, he just looks like a Big Nerd. He wears flannels (or giant hoodies) and glasses (the rim of which is the same blue as his mask) and is a p shy and v friendly guy. He also loves comics and his favourite hero is Spiderman

His mask is enchanted to substitute for his glasses

He doesn’t actually have any superpowers and the only superhuman thing about him is that he’s an ego and thus he’s more resistant to damage and way harder to kill than a regular person. He gets around via parkour and a grappling hook and fights using a “homemade blend of martial arts” (- Krista). He doesn’t like weapons (tho he has a knife for emergencies bc Marvin and Anti begged him to carry one), so the most he’ll do in that regard is use a pole/staff or utilise the advantages the environment gives him.

Stubborn as fuck sometimes and would probably bleed to death before asking for help bc he didn’t want to be a bother (Marvin keeps trying to get him not to do that. They’re working on it)

He’s trans and yet to have any sort of surgery bc he hates the thought of being out of comission during the healing proccess. Instead of T and birth control, he takes potions made by Marvin bc they’re cheaper, easier to get and more convenient. Their only downside is that they don’t stop his periods completely bc Marvin is too scared to magically mess with the functions of a whole set of organs too much for fear that he’d cause a lot of damage.

He’s gay (as in, proper full rainbow not just “not straight”)

He knows how to sew and to properly operate a sewing machine, bc he just found it an interesting and useful skill to learn. It came in handy when he made his suit mostly by himself (well, his current one. The first version was just cheap spandex) (Marvin did the magical aspect of things and most of the concept art)

Since he can’t wear his binder while out and about doing his hero things (bc one should never wear a binder while exercising!) his suit is enchanted with minor illusion magic to make him look flat-chested anyway. It also helps him blend into the shadows better despite his bright colour scheme.

He’s dating Marvin btw I just realised that I should probably mention that just in case. They live together in a Big treehouse (yknow the ones that are just. actual houses in trees) and both have their own room but still share a bed a lot

He likes to curl up to make himself comfortable or when cuddling and thus he can look deceivingly small

He’s a v insistent cuddler, even more so when he’s asleep. Even if he falls asleep not clinging to the person nearest to him (including anyone who’s next to him on the couch during a movie night, not just Marvin when they’re sharing a bed) he’ll grapple for them and gravitate towards them in his sleep and just not let go of them if he can help it

His favourite place to sleep is on Marvin tho and it’s highly beneficial to both of them bc Jackie gets his much needed dose of physical contact and comfort (and gets to listen to Marvin’s heartbeat as he sleeps, which is apparently p good against nightmares) and Marvin also enjoys the closeness as well as some good good pressure stims (and a lot of kisses)

Loves flowers! There’s a lot of plants in the house (and under it on the ground), and he knows the meanings of most flowers as well

Besides Marvin, he’s probably closest to Schneep but tbh he gets along well with anyone. He strikes up short-term alliances with Anti and/or Chase every once in a while to mess with Marvin (sidenote: Anti, Chase and Marvin are the Inseparable Disaster Trio)

Likes video games tho doesn’t play nearly as much as Chase or Marvin (or Seán ofc) do. He mainly likes story-heavy games or soft, light-hearted ones like Slime Rancher, but will play other games too for the sake of playing with his friends

His biggest fear is not being able to protect his loved ones from danger (let it be him being captured and used as leverage against them or them getting hurt directly). Another v big one is the idea that “you either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain” bc he obvi doesn’t wanna die young but he’d also never want to be the villain. In the end, if he had to choose he’d probably choose to die young

He has anxiety and PTSD due to the general traumatic events of being a hero, but he’s v intent on getting better so he takes his meds and tries to seek out help whenever he needs it

He’s v open about his thoughts and emotions and isn’t afraid to cry (and cry he does esp over movies. Also over TAZ when he listened to it with Marvin)

Has a big soft spot both for animals and children. He instantly got on well with Varjú (Marvin’s pet crow/familiar) when he entered the scene, and he adores Chase’s kids (who in turn adore their Uncle Jackie who’s an Actual Hero and always up for playing cool games with them or telling them stories)

He speaks French on an intermediate level, tho he’s p rusty. He could still manage if he needed to, probably

I swear he gets his life energy from positive reinforcement or something

Hates being the centre of attention for long (or amongst a lot of ppl) tho or being thanked too much for something he sees as a simple deed. He gets awkward and nervous really quick and will find the quickest way out possible

His bed is a big comfy double bed btw with like three blankets and okay only two pillows but at least ten stuffed animals (who are moved to a chair and the floor when Marvin also sleeps there, bc if not then they will end up being pushed off on accident)

He likes cooking and baking and bakes when he’s anxious

He’s also p good at drawing but unlike Marvin he doesn’t really pursue that hobby aside from a stray doodle every once in a while

Neither him nor Marvin can dance for shit but that doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy it

The later it is the more cheesy and sappy and Gay he gets and he rambles a Lot. His pick-up lines/flirting/compliments to Marvin reach the level of coherence as those made by neural networks (if you don’t know what I’m talking about I highly suggest you look up those posts bc they’re Hilarious) but Marvin finds it v endearing

As a proper Tall Person, he sometimes teases others for being shorter than him and exploits his tallness (which includes him literally just picking Schneep up, who’s the shortest Septic ego, and just putting him aside when he’s worrying about something too much)

Absolutely the Mum Friend sometimes

[atasteofchocolates]

Stressed

28/06/2020

I can always tell I’m stressed based on how my body is functioning. I can feel my muscles are tense all the time, I am losing more hair in the shower then normal, my scalp is red, dry and flaky and i get red patches of dry skin on my arms. 

I have a lot happening for me, that could be good, but means taking big steps. 

Currently, I am doing a trial for Nivo digital but i don’t think i am doing well. I have finished my first week and begin the second tomorrow. But last week i almost ended up in tears twice! I just don’t know what i am doing, i am doing it all from home due to the pandemic. I don’t feel very supported, things are stated very clearly and I often misunderstand and write about or do something that wasn’t what was asked. I am trying my absolute hardest. I am trying to learn as much as i can. I have written 10 pages of my notebook last week alone for research i have done for blogs. I am teaching my self what i have to write about before i write a blog post all about it. I am worried i am taking too long as it can take me a couple of hour to write a blog post. However, I am completely new. I don’t know what the words mean, I dont know how they are used. I have to research the content, teach myself, write the blog, go back research some more to find more content to add before adding it to the website, editing, highlighting key words linking to outside articles and adding a hero (image). It’s a lot. I have had a few bits of bad feedback and i don’t think i’ve had any good feedback so... I don’t know. Thing is, i don’t know that if i get this job if i will even want it. Dad says it sounds like they want someone who knows what they are doing but wants to pay them apprenticeship wage. He says it sounds unstructured, and without much guidance and he is right. I don’t know that if i am offered the role, if i will get any more support or if i will continue to feel anxious about starting the day and breaking down from lack of guidance. However, because of the pandemic, this job would mean being able to work from home, i can wear comfy clothes, i can eat when i want, if i feel unwell or anxious i can sit in bed and work or on the sofa. No trains early in the morning. (For now). Normal hours, normal days. Normal holidays and weekends off, like everyone meaning no fomo. 

Then there is the second job. I haven’t been given an offer for it yet, i might not get one. But I am 70/30 on weather i want that one too. It is basically a nursing assistant role, i will probs be working in Weston hospital. It is just over £18,000 a year which is a lot however i guess not for a full time job. I can go into the apprenticeship program while with them studying nursing and mental health. It sounds interesting however the job to begin with will be mundane, doing laundry, tea coffee, helping where i can and where i am needed. The only worries and problems i have with this role is the night shift. I will be doing a mixture of early shifts, late shifts and night shifts. Sleep is so important to me as an anxiety sufferer. If i don’t sleep i am a mess. So i don’t know how i will handle it. I will also  be working some weekends, bank holidays and Christmas. I know a lot of people don’t care about that but i suffer greatly with fomo. If mum sees sam or mark or nan etc, and i have to work, i hate it because i know i have missed out on seeing them too. Christmas is always a big deal for me, bigger then my birthday so i hate the idea of having to work it. In reality, this job gives me the money to have a car, meaning i could easily go to see mark and nan and sam lives round the corner. And christmas hasn’t been the same the past few years. We don’t seem to spend it all together anymore. It is scattered. People coming round at different times instead of all together all day like it used to be. The build up to christmas is a bigger deal then the day itself now i guess. Plus it is likely that winter this year will be spent in another lockdown so i might not be missing out anyway. This job would allow me to support myself meaning, if mum kicked off, and i was ready, i could move out. I will be able to save for big things and could possibly end the year with a job and a car, ticking the two dreams i had for this year. 

I have just started to take anti-depressants as of tonight. I am taking half a tablet this week and next week then doing the full dose. It is meant to make you feel worse for the first week or two while it goes into your system. I’m doing it because my therapist said to and because I am done feeling anxious all the time. Its not the bad vomiting kind, but the always there kind. I am hoping it will help and if i do get the mental health job and im having to be in a hospital and doing early and late shifts, i am hoping it will keep the vomiting at bay. When august 16th comes around, if i have the funds i will contact grace and begin long term therapy to get me off them.

Then there is Bobby. He let out a big secret yesterday and i am not sure how i feel about it if im honest. I’ve acted cool but i’m not sure. Since sandpoint, when we are together it feels natural. We have gone on rode trips to lyme regis, and yesterday went to this place called hamhill. We sing in the car together, he continues to be a gentlemen. I feel safe around him, he is a great hugger. He is confident and polite. But when we’d watch a film or a tv show and a girl had her boobs out or in a bikini, he would whistle, or comment on it. I have since told him it makes me uncomfortable, i wouldnt like being in a relationship with someone who makes it obvious he is intrigued by another women. He has apologized so many times and told me be doesn’t care for boobs, he is more of a bum... and feet guy? Like, feet? Really? I don’t understand it. I know it is common. But i personally hate feet and keep mine covered at all times. I don’t want to change him. But i also don’t know if i can handle this feet thing. We are taking things slow anyway, but this could be a deal breaker if i’m honest. 

This is a very long blog post. I will update on how the anti depressants go, if i get one, both or none of the jobs and if things progress with bobby.