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comebackwhen · 2 months

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While I don't have a lot of time to enjoy the fandom the way that I used to, I did finally manage to borrow a PS5 and a copy of Rebirth. Almost 94 hours later I have thoughts and no one to share them with because I'm the only idiot I know IRL who is this deeply invested in this franchise. I kept notes while I was playing and have a lot of thoughts.

I don't expect anyone to actually read any of this, but it'll be fun for me to come back to whenever the next part comes out. If you want to read the ramblings of a fan from the earliest days (For context, I borrowed my brother's copy right after he finished playing it when the game first came out in 97) feel free.

Since I managed to stay spoiler free until I played the game over the last two weeks, I'm still going to pop my thoughts under a break in case there are others out there waiting on a PC port. Beyond here nothing is safe, plot and character-wise.

Holy shit.

I feel like the last two weeks have been kind of a fever dream. It was simultaneously everything I wanted out of the game and also weirdly disappointing in a lot of places.

So, to kick it off, I wasn't mad about the way they were playing around with the whispers and the multiverse-esque concepts. A perfect shot for shot remake would be fine, but as someone who wrote a lot of fanfiction about the game, I can hardly fault the game's creators for wanting to get in on it. lol I would imagine that some of the new content falls into the - would have been in the OG if not for the limitations of the day - category anyway.

I also found it supremely funny that they included a vaguely malevolent entity that was obsessed with keeping the story "on track" and forcing the players to disagree with those entitles via the characters when a significant chunk of those players would be making that their chief complaint when they hit the end of the game. Call em on their bullshit FF7 devs!

As someone who has always been fascinated by Zack, even when he was practically nothing more than a few lines of dialogue and a missable cutscene in the Nibelheim basement, I can't tell you the joy I felt when I saw him live through the final fight. I was down for whatever they wanted to change at that point. I was even excited for it, I think. I find the idea of a time loop or multiverses crossing over kind of fascinating, so I was ready for whatever they wanted to do with it.

So now that you have context for where I stand on that particular side of the argument...

There was so much that rebirth did right. On the whole, I'm so, so impressed with what they did. The world feels so much bigger and some of the details are exquisite. Little things, like the way the news reports things in the background while they're happening and seeing the way Shinra would spin it. Hearing people talking about world events while you walk by - not to mention the sheer amount of people in the world. It really gives weight to some of the events in a way I had never been able to picture.

Though, whoever thought it was a good idea to put so much destroyable/movable clutter in the world was an idiot. JFC. I had to kick coral out of the way on the way to the altar in the Forgotten City and it genuinely annoyed the everloving hell out of me to be distracted by something so dumb in that moment.

I was worried about playing through the Nibelheim flashback for the Nth time but there were so many subtle things that made it interesting. Like, I didn't appreciate the way that Cloud's VA would be able to do that subtle impression of Zack in the way he delivered the lines. If you don't know what's happening there, you'd totally miss it but iykyk. I loved that. There were also subtle, heartbreaking things, like the kids playing Sephiroth when you walk through town. And I cackled when Tifa and Aeris outright call you an asshole for going through her drawers.

Honestly, the amount of casual swearing in this game gave me life. Which is hilarious, because I'm pretty sure Cid didn't curse once. I was really looking forward to hearing him tell us to sit down, shut up, and drink our $#%Y^ tea in full VA glory, so I'm a little sad that we didn't get that.

The choices between what was changed/how it was changed and what wasn't changed at all sometimes seemed a little weird to me. Like falling off the bridge into a river that being what swept the other trooper away, makes way more sense than falling into a ravine as far as why someone could survive it with scraped knees and someone else would end up in a coma. Removing the hidden bookshelf entrance into the Nibelheim labs? Lame. Chocobos at the ranch don't dance? Laaaaame.

I am glad that they finally called out how weird it was that Tifa never said anything about Cloud being there. It's like half the reason I always disliked her character so much. I even liked the conflict between them and the way that Sephiroth kind of turned it into an uno reverse situation. Cloud's eventual descent into madness near the end feels more earned because Sephiroth has been putting the pressure on the whole time.

Some thoughts about the world travels:

Fuck the Midgar Zolem. Nopenopenope.

I loved so many things in Junon. People in lower Junon protesting at the idea of the parade, awesome bit of world building. The weird ass bald bar with Rude? Chef's kiss. Cloud becoming the parade captain and having to go gather the squad. Loved it. He got so into it and you could see the hints of trooper Cloud under the fake Soldier persona he built. Lovely. The parade mini game was perfect. Even little things like the 1/35 soldier collectibles being used to plan the parade formations in the building where you usually grabbed them in the OG. It's the little details like that. I was super bummed that we weren't getting Red XIII in the trooper uniform until we did.

The Gold Saucer. THE GOLD SAUCER. I spent actual hours there. The only thing that would have made it better would have been a section in the Wonder Square where you could have played the OG versions of the mini games. Cait Sith's voice was giving Crowley high on laudanum and I wasn't mad about it.

I had a really funny moment when I got to Gongaga where I went, "Huh, she looks an awful lot like Cissnei..." and then she said she was Cissnei and I wasn't sure how to feel about it. Most of the Turks went into hiding, so yeah, okay sure. I just feel like there was a missed opportunity for her to call herself something else and it to be a subtle nod to the fact that Cissnei's probably not her name either. I just can't believe she didn't say anything to Cloud or Aeris (you'll pry that spelling out of my cold dead hands) about Zack.

Cid's early entrance into the game was also a little confusing. Like, he was still working for Shinra at that point in the OG. The only reason I was mad about it was that it meant we probably weren't getting Rocket Town. To be fair, I had to start speed running the plot by that point because I only had the the PS5 for two weeks, so I pretty much skipped exploring the Nibel region entirely. Could Rocket Town be there, sure. I won't know until the PC port comes out. lol I'm intrigued by the idea that Cid knew Ifalna. Was he the one who let them out? Again, not an idea I ever considered, but I wouldn't be mad about it.

Going to Cosmo Canyon was the moment I realized this game was not made for anyone remotely neurospicy. I started calling Rebirth "ooh, a squirrel!" the game at that point. I was so excited to go to Cosmo Canyon. Like it was one of the parts I was most excited to see in modern graphics. I immediately got sidetracked by the chocobos, the reagent collection stuff, the screaming owls, the towers, the Chadley bullshit in general.

That was probably one of my biggest complaints, honestly. Trust me to want to go over every inch of the map on my own. I don't need this weird AI kid to give me quests to make me do that. If anything, I actively started avoiding areas because I could see a cluster of his nonsense which meant traveling through that patch of map would be a pain in my ass. I didn't mind him or the concept as a whole, I just needed like 60% less of it, at least.

That being said, I loved the look of Cosmo Canyon, but I was confused by the vibe there. I feel like if that many people believed in Planetology, Shinra could never have gotten away with the bullshit it did. Even in all the towns, there's a dude in robes preaching Planetology. People are talking about the Lifestream and the Planet as a sentient being CONSTANTLY. There needed to be more, "don't believe that hippie, religious nonsense" people to balance that out. Or people saying, mako's absolutely a renewable resource, even if you believe that Planetology stuff. People on the whole would be destructive for the sake of comfort, but there was this weird disconnect there.

Since they were going with this, Planetology is more popular route, I do appreciate the fact that the people who believe in it at the Canyon are kind of pretentious about it. Tifa literally got eaten by a weapon, the group - including Nanaki who is one of them - have seen a number of wild, inexplicable things in the last couple weeks. Probably mako poisioning and group hallucinations. You should get checked out and how dare you question me! Oh you're a Cetra? Here, light the pretty lights at the festival then.

Since we're talking about Cosmo Canyon, the bit about Red's voice cracked me up. I was not prepared for the tiny babby puppy voice he started using in the back half of the game. I definitely missed his grownup voice the rest of the game though.

The GI cave part was well done. I'm sort of intrigued by the idea of the GI creating the black materia. I just wish they would have explained where the GI came from then, since they weren't born of the Planet. Materia is supposed to be the condensed knowledge of the Planet, so how did they make their own? I love the idea that the black materia was supposed to just be a way for them to take themselves out of the world and it ended up being so powerful it could destroy the entire world instead.

Also, the Cetra were just out there fighting everyone, the GI, the humans, Jenova. I really liked the way that GI Nattak called out that she's only Cetra by bloodline because the actual Cetra were kind of assholes. It's an angle I never considered and I'm kind of here for it.

I don't know how to feel about them turning Nibelheim into a mako poisoning treatment center. I think I preferred the Shinra coverup. It makes them much more sinister. It also made more sense when the replacement townspeople were rude to Cloud and Tifa. They have to stay in character because that's their job. Hell no you two didn't live here. Get lost. Now, everyone's just uncomfortable because two people who used to live there are in their midst. It was weird.

Also Cloud remembered Zack way the fuck early for no good reason. He doesn't talk to Aeris about it. Tifa tries to get him to cover it up. Why though? It makes way more sense for him to get flashes but nothing concrete if you want to foreshadow but you're not going to do anything interesting with it.

I have mixed emotions about what they did to Vincent. It's weird that he stayed at the mansion of his own volition as "security" considering what Hojo and Lucrecia did to him. Why tf was he sleeping in a coffin then? It made way more sense for him to be locked away and willing to join up with the party so he could take a piece out of Hojo. Now, he's claiming to have unfinished business with Sephiroth instead but also refuses to go anywhere near him? Also, I can't not hear Matt Mercer's voice when he talks so that was super distracting. lol Galian Beast was incredible. I'm just pissed I didn't get to use him as a limit break.

This was the point that I realized I had to start skipping exploration/side quests if I wanted to get to the ending before I lost access to the game and system. If I don't mention something and it's not required to beat the game, assume I didn't get to see it and will have to wait until the PC port comes out and I can take the whole game completely apart.

I got the Aeris Gold Saucer date. 10/10. I just wish they had got a vocalist that sounded more like Aeris's regular VA, but the play was a fun little minigame. I was confused by why they were all wearing VR headsets while sitting in a theater and if everyone saw themselves as the hero and people in their party as Rosa, the enemies, etc, but I mostly just turned my brain off and enjoyed the ride. The ferris wheel date was the perfect update to the dialogue while still keeping the vibe. Loved it.

The Temple of the Ancients was both better than I could have hoped for and possibly the worst section to play through at the same time. I was really looking forward to a quirky puzzle solving section with a weird, reality warping backdrop. The temple itself was perfect. The way it built itself up when the keystone got inserted. The look of the labyrinth. All of it. Then, it turned into an action RPG enemy grind. It needed to be half the size it was if they were just going to cut all the cool parts out anyway.

The flashbacks to everyone's sad moments were cool, but I feel like they didn't actually do what they were supposed to for anyone but Aeris. Red ends his tied to the table by Hojo, Barret - Myrna's dead and his arm is gone. (Though it was cool to see what Myrna looks like!) Tifa's dad's dead. Yuffie's confronted by Nero and mocked for leaving Sonon behind. If the Temple was trying to tell them that anger and grief can only take you so far as a warrior, they should probably all ended with some sliver of hope, like Elmyra helping to take care of her. Barret finding Marlene for example, would have been great.

I like the way they handled Cait Sith here much better than the OG. Him physically holding up the temple so it wouldn't collapse was a nice touch. He seemed genuinely remorseful about what he did and the surprise, here's Cait #2 moment seemed far less out of the blue and wrong toned because everyone was still conflicted about how to feel about him.

Cloud creeped me the hell out by the end and that was perfect. The way he chased Aeris for the black materia while saying creepy half-mind controlled stuff. I'm also not mad that they skipped him beating her up and replaced it with them both falling into the pit. It still gives a viable reason for why he's unconscious and gives her the space to run off to the sleeping forest.

I am a little sad that we lost out on his indecision about whether he's safe to go onward. The group dynamic when it comes to Cloud being weird is confusing. It seems like they all understand that degradation is a thing and there's a good chance it's happening to Cloud, but they also let him get away with shit that he really shouldn't be doing/saying if that is the case. He yeeted Tifa into a mako pit and she got eaten by a WEAPON. Did we address that, not really..? He's desperate to get to the black materia in a way that's making Yuffie looked restrained? That's fine. We don't need to tell him to go back and sit with Cid and Vincent. Just let him come along!

The ending leaves me feeling conflicted and brings me to my complaint about the remake itself. I feel like we were speedrunning the plot to ultimately get nowhere fast. Everyone knows the plot, so who cares if we bring Cid in early to cut some of the journey out. We're going to skip over Wutai for now by hinting at the side story we'll get to later. Vincent's backstory, who needs it? Any world exploration in relation to the keystone, nah, Cait just knows that. Let's put Rufus and Hojo at the temple with the Turks and steal some of the northern crater stuff and do that instead of the Temple of the Ancients puzzles. Bone City, Sleeping Forest, Forgotten City? Yeet.

For real though, the Forgotten City feels smaller than the OG version and that's a fucking crime.

I assumed that the climax would explain more about the alternate universes, why Zack survived, how the whispers work, etc. and that was the REAL story here, so sure, let's get to that.

Any time now.

I'll wait.

Wait, not like that! I didn't mean- and the game's over. Well fuck.

Seriously, that's how I felt about the ending. I was kind of holding off on the Zack side story so I could come at it all at once. I loved that Zack got into Midgar just to see that, without Cloud, the Avalanche stuff falls apart. There's a teeny plot hole in how Aeris would have ended up involved without Cloud buuuuut fate's gonna do its thing and I can suspension of disbelief that.

What I can't ignore is that we never find out who the missing Soldier with the Buster Sword was that was involved. The reports talk about a missing Soldier who Shinra's still searching for. Maybe they're just tacking that on because Zack survived his execution and they're trying to kill two birds with one stone, but then why aren't they looking for two Soldiers? Zack still clearly has Cloud. I have questions.

On that note, literally no one bats an eye at Zack and Cloud looking like they could 100% have been running from that fight. Kyrie would have absolutely have handed Cloud over to a Soldier/Trooper the second Zack was gone.

So great. Now we have Zack and Cloud at Elmyra's with Marlene and Aeris in a coma. Her materia's all clear. The world is ending. Spooky af. I'm fascinated. Biggs is the only one who survived the capture of Avalanche. he's super guilty. Love it. Wait, why's he talking about Cloud like he knows him and he was there at the bombings? Marlene too? Of course Aeris has a crush on Cloud, you're dead silly! It's probably best she never wakes up because then Sephiroth murders her.

Elmyra implying that it's okay if no one saves Barret and Tifa because the world is ended and they're all going to end up in the same place soon was fucking DARK. I was not prepared for that.

Then, Zack has a decision. Shinra HQ for a cure to Cloud's coma or rescuing Biggs from his own stupidity. He chooses a friendly chat with Hojo, rocks up to the building on a motorcycle and guns it into the building despite the troopers. Love it. Wait. Why's he talking to Biggs in the reactor? And Biggs is dead and Zack's facing down the army again. Did we just branch into a second alternate timeline where Zack both went to HQ and tried to save Biggs? Awesome. We're really leaning into the weirdness. Let's fucking go.

Aeris and Cloud wake up in their coma bodies. Okay, awesome. We're finally going to get an explanation. Is this some weird sort of afterlife where all the souls from the multiverse end up and drop their knowledge off before rebirth? Is Aeris going to take Rebirth!Cloud and bring him somewhere else because she's a Cetra and can do crazy shit like that?

Nope, we're going on another weird ass date.

This is when I realized that we've definitely got at least two "Zack lives" timelines. The Cloud and Aeris one seems like a spinoff of one of those too, since Cloud woke up in the wheelchair in Aeris's house. Then there's one where Zack is sitting on the church steps right before Sephiroth shows up. I can't tell if the dog Johnny's holding is the same one as the bag from the remake ending or not. You can keep track of which timeline you're in because of the Stamp used in that universe. What the fuck even is my life?

So assuming that "Johnny dog" Zack is the one who fights with Cloud, is he gone when he says goodbye at the end? Is he the one that wakes up in the church? But the flowers in the church are okay when all the other Zack timelines aren't. Is this a fifth timeline?

I don't necessarily mind that they didn't tie it all up in a bow because this isn't the end, but I have so many frustrating questions.

Lastly, let's get to Schrodinger's flower girl. If she's really dead, I feel robbed. If they were actually going to kill her off, I wanted to be fucked up emotionally in 4k. I wanted everyone saying goodbye on the altar. I wanted the water burial. All of it in high def so I could sob my heart out like a teenage girl.

I'm intrigued by the overlay of Aeris bleeding and not. Her holding Cloud's face and it looking like he's holding her hand up because she's already dead. Cloud giving the OG speech with no words and just crying and ignoring Sephiroth entirely. Are we seeing multiple worlds converging and only Cloud can tell because he was dragged into that alternate world with her? Is Cloud's mind cracked beyond all telling and this is just Jenova/Sephiroth coming to him wearing the face of someone he loves and trusts?

I'm still annoyed that they seemed to scoot on by the most pivotal part of the OG, but I will forgive them if it turns out that Cloud's crazy and we get to see it all properly in Part Three. Or if they come up with an equally suitable twist involving multiversal travel where she really is both alive and dead in any given universe.

I'll be excited when the PC port comes out so I can really take the game apart and find out what makes it tick. I'm sure I only barely scratched the surface, considering how much side content I had to skip. I think a lot of this could benefit from a second playthrough, even if I had 100% it.

If you're still here, I'm confused but hope you enjoyed my ramblings. Night all.

#ff7 rebirth #musings on the plot and game mechanics #why tf is this almost 4k words!?#not writing #ff7 rebirth spoilers #The part of me that's still a 10 year old girl is living #the rest of me that's almost 38 is too #but she's tired #god I can't believe I was ten when I played this for the first time

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qqueenofhades · 3 years

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Hi. I’m curious. What did you mean by “women who read fiction might get Bad Ideas!!!” has just reached its latest and stupidest form via tumblr purity culture.? I haven’t seen any of this but I’m new to tumblr.

Oh man. You really want to get me into trouble on, like, my first day back, don’t you?

Pretty much all of this has been explained elsewhere by people much smarter than me, so this isn’t necessarily going to say anything new, but I’ll do my best to synthesize and summarize it. As ever, it comes with the caveat that it is my personal interpretation, and is not intended as the be-all, end-all. You’ll definitely run across it if you spend any time on Tumblr (or social media in general, including Twitter, and any other fandom-related spaces). This will get long.

In short: in the nineteenth century, when Gothic/romantic literature became popular and women were increasingly able to read these kinds of novels for fun, there was an attendant moral panic over whether they, with their weak female brains, would be able to distinguish fiction from reality, and that they might start making immoral or inappropriate choices in their real life as a result. Obviously, there was a huge sexist and misogynistic component to this, and it would be nice to write it off entirely as just hysterical Victorian pearl-clutching, but that feeds into the “lol people in the past were all much stupider than we are today” kind of historical fallacy that I often and vigorously shut down. (Honestly, I’m not sure how anyone can ever write the “omg medieval people believed such weird things about medicine!” nonsense again after what we’ve gone through with COVID, but that is a whole other rant.) The thinking ran that women shouldn’t read novels for fear of corrupting their impressionable brains, or if they had to read novels at all, they should only be the Right Ones: i.e., those that came with a side of heavy-handed and explicit moralizing so that they wouldn’t be tempted to transgress. Of course, books trying to hammer their readers over the head with their Moral Point aren’t often much fun to read, and that’s not the point of fiction anyway. Or at least, it shouldn’t be.

Fast-forward to today, and the entire generation of young, otherwise well-meaning people who have come to believe that being a moral person involves only consuming the “right” kind of fictional content, and being outrageously mean to strangers on the internet who do not agree with that choice. There are a lot of factors contributing to this. First, the advent of social media and being subject to the judgment of people across the world at all times has made it imperative that you demonstrate the “right” opinions to fit in with your peer-group, and on fandom websites, that often falls into a twisted, hyper-critical, so-called “progressivism” that diligently knows all the social justice buzzwords, but has trouble applying them in nuance, context, and complicated real life. To some extent, this obviously is not a bad thing. People need to be critical of the media they engage with, to know what narratives the creator(s) are promoting, the tropes they are using, the conclusions that they are supporting, and to be able to recognize and push back against genuinely harmful content when it is produced – and this distinction is critical – by professional mainstream creators. Amateur, individual fan content is another kettle of fish. There is a difference between critiquing a professional creator (though social media has also made it incredibly easy to atrociously abuse them) and attacking your fellow fan and peer, who is on the exact same footing as you as a consumer of that content.

Obviously, again, this doesn’t mean that you can’t call out people who are engaging in actually toxic or abusive behavior, fans or otherwise. But certain segments of Tumblr culture have drained both those words (along with “gaslighting”) of almost all critical meaning, until they’re applied indiscriminately to “any fictional content that I don’t like, don’t agree with, or which doesn’t seem to model healthy behavior in real life” and “anyone who likes or engages with this content.” Somewhere along the line, a reactionary mindset has been formed in which the only fictional narratives or relationships are those which would be “acceptable” in real life, to which I say…. what? If I only wanted real life, I would watch the news and only read non-fiction. Once again, the underlying fear, even if it’s framed in different terms, is that the people (often women) enjoying this content can’t be trusted to tell the difference between fiction and reality, and if they like “problematic” fictional content, they will proceed to seek it out in their real life and personal relationships. And this is just… not true.

As I said above, critical media studies and thoughtful consumption of entertainment are both great things! There have been some great metas written on, say, the Marvel Cinematic Universe and how it is increasingly relying on villains who have outwardly admirable motives (see: the Flag Smashers in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier) who are then stigmatized by their anti-social, violent behavior and attacks on innocent people, which is bad even as the heroes also rely on violence to achieve their ends. This is a clever way to acknowledge social anxieties – to say that people who identify with the Flag Smashers are right, to an extent, but then the instant they cross the line into violence, they’re upsetting the status quo and need to be put down by the heroes. I watched TFATWS and obviously enjoyed it. I have gone on a Marvel re-watching binge recently as well. I like the MCU! I like the characters and the madcap sci-fi adventures! But I can also recognize it as a flawed piece of media that I don’t have to accept whole-cloth, and to be able to criticize some of the ancillary messages that come with it. It doesn’t have to be black and white.

When it comes to shipping, moreover, the toxic culture of “my ship is better than your ship because it’s Better in Real Life” ™ is both well-known and in my opinion, exhausting and pointless. As also noted, the whole point of fiction is that it allows us to create and experience realities that we don’t always want in real life. I certainly enjoy plenty of things in fiction that I would definitely not want in reality: apocalyptic space operas, violent adventures, and yes, garbage men. A large number of my ships over the years have been labeled “unhealthy” for one reason or another, presumably because they don’t adhere to the stereotype of the coffee-shop AU where there’s no tension and nobody ever makes mistakes or is allowed to have serious flaws. And I’m not even bagging on coffee-shop AUs! Some people want to remove characters from a violent situation and give them that fluff and release from the nonstop trauma that TV writers merrily inflict on them without ever thinking about the consequences. Fanfiction often focuses on the psychology and healing of characters who have been through too much, and since that’s something we can all relate to right now, it’s a very powerful exercise. As a transformative and interpretive tool, fanfic is pretty awesome.

The problem, again, comes when people think that fic/fandom can only be used in this way, and that going the other direction, and exploring darker or complicated or messy dynamics and relationships, is morally bad. As has been said before: shipping is not activism. You don’t get brownie points for only having “healthy” ships (and just my personal opinion as a queer person, these often tend to be heterosexual white ships engaging in notably heteronormative behavior) and only supporting behavior in fiction that you think is acceptable in real life. As we’ve said, there is a systematic problem in identifying what that is. Ironically, for people worried about Women Getting Ideas by confusing fiction and reality, they’re doing the same thing, and treating fiction like reality. Fiction is fiction. Nobody actually dies. Nobody actually gets hurt. These people are not real. We need to normalize the idea of characters as figments of a creator’s imagination, not actual people with their own agency. They exist as they are written, and by the choice of people whose motives can be scrutinized and questioned, but they themselves are not real. Nor do characters reflect the author’s personal views. Period.

This feeds into the fact that the internet, and fandom culture, is not intended as a “safe space” in the sense that no questionable or triggering content can ever be posted. Archive of Our Own, with its reams of scrupulous tagging and requests for you to explicitly click and confirm that you are of age to see M or E-rated content, is a constant target of the purity cultists for hosting fictional material that they see as “immoral.” But it repeatedly, unmistakably, directly asks you for your consent to see this material, and if you then act unfairly victimized, well… that’s on you. You agreed to look at this, and there are very few cases where you didn’t know what it entailed. Fandom involves adults creating contents for adults, and while teenagers and younger people can and do participate, they need to understand this fact, rather than expecting everything to be a PG Disney movie.

When I do write my “dark” ships with garbage men, moreover, they always involve a lot of the man being an idiot, being bluntly called out for an idiot, and learning healthier patterns of behavior, which is one of the fundamental patterns of romance novels. But they also involve an element of the woman realizing that societal standards are, in fact, bullshit, and she can go feral every so often, as a treat. But even if I wrote them another way, that would still be okay! There are plenty of ships and dynamics that I don’t care for and don’t express in my fic and fandom writing, but that doesn’t mean I seek out the people who do like them and reprimand them for it. I know plenty of people who use fiction, including dark fiction, in a cathartic way to process real-life trauma, and that’s exactly the role – one of them, at least – that fiction needs to be able to fulfill. It would be terribly boring and limited if we were only ever allowed to write about Real Life and nothing else. It needs to be complicated, dark, escapist, unreal, twisted, and whatever else. This means absolutely zilch about what the consumers of this fiction believe, act, or do in their real lives.

Once more, I do note the misogyny underlying this. Nobody, after all, seems to care what kind of books or fictional narratives men read, and there’s no reflection on whether this is teaching them unhealthy patterns of behavior, or whether it predicts how they’ll act in real life. (There was some of that with the “do video games cause mass shootings?”, but it was a straw man to distract from the actual issues of toxic masculinity and gun culture.) Certain kinds of fiction, especially historical fiction, romance novels, and fanfic, are intensely gendered and viewed as being “women’s fiction” and therefore hyper-criticized, while nobody’s asking if all the macho-man potboiler military-intrigue tough-guy stereotypical “men’s fiction” is teaching them bad things. So the panic about whether your average woman on the internet is reading dark fanfic with an Unhealthy Ship (zomgz) is, in my opinion, misguided at best, and actively destructive at worst.

#long post #anonymous #ask

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multiplefandomsblog · 4 years

Text

“Offer”

request; Can I get an imagine with Kokichi with an artist S/O who wants to paint him but he keeps flustering them with suggestions of a nude painting of him?

warnings; kind of suggestive, mention of nudity, cussing, mutual pining i think, i made it kinda crack fic, reader has an ultimate talent(artist), not edited too well, ended it weird like always, kissing, lowkey making out tho-

note; wow i wrote way too much- but hey, i still hope you enjoy this!

word count; 1.9k+

You walked around the school, looking for Kokichi to ask him to be your model.

Although you have sketched Kokichi several times before, you felt you needed to ask him face-to-face so he could just stay still in his goddamn chair instead of changing positions every 5 seconds and ruining your half-done sketch. And so, you went off to go find the boy, finding it surprisingly hard to catch him.

“There you are! I was looking for you-” You puffed out a sigh of relief, clutching your art supplies close to you as you saw your purple-haired classmate. Not a second after he caught sight of your figure jogging towards him, he had started taunting you.

“Oooooh, hey S/o, you seem mighty happy to see me, hm? I wonder why that is…” He took a funny-looking step towards you, voice laced with an interrogating tone.

He had that strange smirk on his face, and not the one you liked. N-not that you liked his smile! In consequence of staring at him and sketching him constantly without his knowledge—or so you thought—, you have become almost a master of reading his mood and expressions.

“Don’t get any wrong ideas, I just wanted to ask you if I could paint you.” For a small moment you swore you could see his expression twist into one of shock, before quickly melting back into his shit-eating grin. “Well of course you would! I’m the ultimate supreme leader, after all.” He acted as if he wasn’t just gob-smacked a second ago.

You beamed up at him, you had been in a small art block for a while and the moment you saw Kokichi, you knew he would be the cure to it. And so, you were ecstatic when he said what he said, “So you’ll do it?” You jumped a little too high, and spoke a little too eagerly.

“Mhm! —but with a catch, of course.” Your face dropped, you should’ve known the little fucker would try and get something out of you. “Nishishi!”

Unsure if you even wanted to know, you asked carefully, “W-what’s the catch..?” Your voice laced with caution, brain suddenly being reminded of all the pranks and blackmail he had fucked everyone else over with in the past. Knowing him, it could vary from, ‘Eat a bug.’ to, ‘Survive a knife game against me!’

But what he said was definitely worse than the former, and the latter.

“You have to paint me fully-nude.”

… It was suddenly very quiet, the echo of his insane remark, bouncing off the walls. The silence mostly coming from your side—then again, what did you expect? Painting Kokichi would mean the end of your art block and a painting of Kokichi, like, c’mon, but painting Kokichi nude would mean- Well, you weren’t sure what it meant; hence, the silence.

Impatient and somewhat annoyed by the silence, he poked at your shoulder, “So? Are you gonna paint me naked or not?” You stared at your shoes, too afraid to make eye contact with the boy you were now thinking of... naked.

“... C-can’t I just paint you normally?” He pouted, a comedically high whine erupting from his throat as he replied, “But that’s no fuuuuuun!”

“Don’t you want to see your ultimate supreme leader, whipping out his wang?-” You shoved his face away from your warm one, “Y… I mean n-no, no!” Your tone weak before getting loud and defensive as you caught yourself before all hell broke loose.

You felt your stomach drop as you thought about the possibility of Kokichi knowing you wanted to see him, and I quote, ‘Whipping out his wang’, Kokichi would never let that one go.

“Aw man, well I guess you don’t wanna paint me theeeen.” He slowly stepped away, a pout on his face as his back faced towards you. He hummed circus music as he teetered on his feet, balancing on one foot at once as he ‘walked’ away from you agonizingly slow, obviously waiting for you to tell him to come back.

“Koki-” In a flash, Kokichi had been by your side, dragging your hand to god knows where. “You have me convinced! I’ll let you paint me because I’m suuuuuch a nice guy. Nishishi!” Although you should’ve asked where the both of you were going, you felt knowing the catch was more important, “B-but what’s the catch?”

Kokichi kept at his speedy pace, yet he answered with a voice that still had so much energy in it, “Aww, I’m hurt you think there’s a catch, do you not trust me that much?”

Silence.

“Meanie... but yeah, you were right to suspect me. The catch is.... “ He drum-rolled on your palm, “You just have to kiss me for payment!” He slowed down a bit to send a cheeky smile your way. You almost tripped on your feet as you heard him, “What!? Bu-”

Kokichi quickly interrupted you, “Uh-uh, don’t try to pretend you don’t wanna. I know you have nooooo problem kissing those little sketches of me when you think no one is looking~” His voice quieted down sinisterly as he spoke, the evil smile spreading across his face once more. Although he had been wearing an extremely thick mask of a smile to hide his true feelings, anyone would’ve noticed that small blush on his upper right cheek. Anyone.

“You saw that?” Kokichi cackled at your agitated and flustered face, “Nishishi! Don’t worry, I’m the only one that knows. After all, no one finds you interesting enough to actually notice that.” You furrowed your brow at the subtle hint he had given you, “But you did-”

Kokichi put on a teasing smile this time, “That was a lie! I didn’t see anything with my own eyes, I just assumed you have and so you helped me confirm it! Nice job on fucking yourself over, S/o! Nishishi~!” You rolled your eyes, you liked this guy?

Well anyways, it didn’t seem to matter whether you questioned your feelings for the liar, as you finally made it to where Kokichi had been dragging you to. You watched as Kokichi skipped away from you and hopped on the bench, surrounded by moss and other wild plants.

“Ta-da! When I first saw this place, I immediately thought of you! You know, because you’re a nerd who likes cliché art settings.” He grinned, posing on top of the bench, “How’s this? Nishishi! Don’t answer that, I know this is perfect.”

... He looked like an idiot. But a cute idiot.

Suppressing a laugh, you gestured downwards to guide him down from his strange pose, “U-uh, maybe you could just, sit down? Like a normal person, I mean.” He sneered at you, before reluctantly sitting down, “You’re so boring.” The way he sat on the bench reminded you of a child who had just gotten denied candy.

Smiling in relief, you quickly took a seat on the bench opposite to him, bringing out your supplies excitedly. Despite the pout on Kokichi’s face, and the grudge he wanted to keep, the way you so excitedly took out your canvas made his heart melt as well as his attitude.

In the corner of your eye, you swore you could see Kokichi’s genuine smile, albeit it was lopsided but it still made you flush. Without thinking, you spoke, tilting your head upwards to look at him better, “You should smile more, you’re really pretty like that.” He… his mind blanked for a second, his façade fading away slightly to reveal a genuine expression of shock.

He quickly gained his composure back, “Um, okay? I always smile, are you blind?” Despite his passive-aggressive reply, you couldn’t find any reason to be mad, although you should’ve been. You smiled fondly and shook your head, diving back into concentration towards your canvas.

After an hour of pointless conversation, flirting, and calculated strokes of your brush, you were satisfied with the result. “... Alright, I’m done.” Kokichi sighed exasperatedly as he stood up and stretched, “Finally! I was afraid my limbs were going to freeze forever in that position.” You stared at him accusingly, “You didn’t even stay still the entire time. At one point, you did a fucking cartwheel-”

Kokichi slid on over you, leaning over your seated figure to peak at the painting of him. “Lemme see!” He reached for the painting with his pale hands, causing you to jerk the painting away from his reach. “It’s not dry yet! Just look, don’t touch.” You scolded, unamused by his pouty expression. “You’re no fun S/o-chan, but okay. I know how much you like to be in charge~” He teased, before finally laying his eyes on the painting he stayed still one whole hour for.

You felt your anxiety rise at his silence, “... Well, d-do you like it?” Although you were pretty confident in your ultimate talent and skills, for some odd reason, you felt extremely nervous when you showed it to Kokichi.

You were confused as to why your hands were shaking, you’ve shown your artwork to galleries, museums, the harshest art critics in the world! So why the hell did it matter so much to you if this one boy liked it or not?

“I think it looks super handsome! And by it, I mean me. Nishishi!” He grinned, “I look good in everything after all.” You scoffed, you couldn’t believe you actually expected a genuine compliment from Kokichi, of all people.

“Hey so, it’s time for your payment you know?” Payment... what? You looked up at him in confusion, big fat crocodile tears sprung out from his eyes, “Waaaah! I can’t believe S/o forgot our deal!” You flushed again as you were suddenly reminded of the kiss.

You sighed tiredly, “You were serious?” He glared at you, “I’m always serious!” You gave him an accusing look that screamed, ‘You know that’s bullshit.’ But sighed defeatedly for what seemed like the umpteenth time. As you stood up to walk up to him, you set your painting down nearby.

Squirming underneath his expectant gaze, you leaned in torturously slow until your noses were nearly touching, your eyes were glued to his lips nervously. You kind of just… stood there, waiting. Waiting for him to take initiative, as he usually does. “... You know, You’re kissing me, right? Not the other way around.” His voice was lower, quieter than usual, and you could feel his breath within each word.

He smirked at your awkward shuffle towards him, finding your averting eyes and flushed face extremely endearing. Though Kokichi would never admit it, deep down he was nervous too- But of course, he refused to ever admit that reality. Even to himself.

“I-I know that! I was just… preparing.” He hummed a skeptical ‘Okay’, standing patiently for the kiss you owed him. Letting out a shaky breath, you quickly pressed your lips on his, before immediately pulling away. Well, you tried pulling away. Kokichi gripped your collar, eagerly going in for more. His lips enveloped yours roughly, he could feel you trying to back away and so he just decided he had to go even harder.

Once he pulled away, he saw your lips puffy and swollen, and face completely dazed. You wanted to ask him why he stopped but he interrupted you before you could, “You know, I never said you had to kiss my lips, pervert〜” Your eyes widened at his statement, “It seems you’ve been wanting this for a while, huh?” You didn’t say anything, only fuelling his fire.

“Nishishi! You’re so obsessed with me, it’s adorable~” You took a defensive step back, “I-I am not!” He suddenly leaned his face dangerously close to yours, grinning sadistically as he heard your whimper. “You shouldn’t lie, you know? Especially not to me.” He leaned in next to your ear, catching your earlobe between his teeth and biting gently.

“Anyway!” You snapped out your daze as he barked suddenly, “The nude painting offer still stands, you know!” He yelled out, walking away from you, strangely.

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bruhstories · 4 years

Text

Baby, I’ve Already got Your Heart

Summary: An accidental meeting between Armin and Y/N leads to an unhealthy obsession. Pairing: Armin Arlert x Fem!Reader (modern AU) Warnings: stalking, language, unprotected sex, loss of virginity, fingering, oral sex (male receiving), oral sex (female receiving), switch!Reader, switch!Armin, rope is involved. Word Count: 2.5 k

A/N: This fic is heavily inspired by this song. It is surprisingly wholesome, considering the tags xD

Armin Arlert. The purest man in the world. You accidentally met him one cold, rainy day when he entered your coffee shop for shelter and warmth. He naively talked to you, grateful for how nice you were with him, grateful for the cappuccino on the house, grateful for the towel you offered him to dry himself off. Little did Armin know, a fixation sprouted in your mind and heart, developing into the unhealthiest obsession. He was just so cute — and you just had to have him. It helped to know that you were both going to the same university, and after that, you knew everything about him: his Facebook, Instagram, email address, hell, you even knew his real address. To be fair, it was a piece of cake, the boy was absolutely clueless and whenever he 'accidentally' met you, he thought it was by pure chance. The next and most obvious step was to befriend people in his social circle, one Jean Kirstein, one Sasha Braus and one Connie Springer. Naturally, you did your homework, and you knew his best friends were Eren Jaeger and Mikasa Ackerman, but they weren't easy targets. Besides, it would jeopardise your entire plan, as you found Armin was considered a genius. An oblivious genius. He didn't know it yet, but you loved him and he loved you too, right?

A text from Sasha, months after you first met the angelic man, set your plan in motion. A casual gaming night at Armin's place, and you were invited. How perfect. Poor glutton Sasha had no fucking clue how much you were using her, how you told her you want to meet a cute guy, someone nice and caring, someone smart and attentive. The girl put two and two together and decided she just had to introduce you to one of her friends, especially that he was also interested in meeting a girl like you. Unbelievable — you acted surprised, met up with Sasha and left for Armin's little gaming night. You wouldn't let this opportunity go to waste. Starting from tonight, he'd be yours. Forever.

"Armiiiiiiiiin, I brought a plus one!" Sasha barged into his house. "This is my friend, Y/N. Y/N, Armin! Oh shit, pretzels!" The brown-haired woman left the two of you in the hallway and the blond flashed you a smile.

"I feel like I've seen you before." He mused as he closed the door behind you.

"If you ever drink coffee at Rose's you might've seen me there." You smiled and removed your leather jacket, revealing a Pearl Jam t-shirt.

"No way you listen to them!" Armin blurted.

"Are you kidding me? They're my favourite!" You lied through your teeth with a sickly-sweet smile.

"Mine too! Oh, I know, you're the girl who gave me a free cappuccino months ago!"

"I remember! You were drenched in rainwater." You laughed as the two of you entered the living room. "I had to mop up the puddles you left behind."

"I'm so sorry about that..." He blushed. Your heart fluttered and you couldn't wait to get your hands on him, but for the time being, you needed to behave.

"No worries, I just hope you didn't catch a cold." You assured Armin and sympathetically placed a hand on his shoulder. There he goes, blushing again. It couldn't be... was he a virgin? Fuck. This was better than you could've imagined.

"Who's this?"

"Oh, Mikasa, Eren, this is Y/N. She's friends with Sasha."

"Nice to meet you!" Eren shook your hand. "Oh, God, you listen to Pearl Jam, too? You nerds are going to get along just fine." He joked.

The night went great, and you actually had fun with Armin and his friends, despite not intending to mingle with them too much. People started leaving around 2 am, but Eren and Mikasa stayed longer. Too fucking long — and things were boring now anyway. You and Armin kept talking about video games and books, Mikasa fell asleep on Eren who was playing fucking Farmville on his phone. They had to leave as soon as possible.

"Hey, Y/N, we can take you home." Eren suggested and you froze. Shit.

"Didn't you say you're almost out of gas?" Armin questioned his friend.

"Ah, fuck, you're right. I still don't know how that happened — I fuelled the tank yesterday!" The brunette scoffed. "Guess you're on your own, Y/N."

"It's alright, I'll take an uber." You politely smiled.

"Alright, we'll wait for you."

Oh, for fuck's sake. Truth be told, you appreciated how nice and caring Armin's friends were, but you had a different goal to accomplish.

"You really don't have to, plus I have to use the bathroom." You excused yourself. "Um, where is the bathroom exactly?"

"Upstairs, first door on the right." Armin told you while gathering plates and cups from the table. You nodded and climbed up the stairs. Your hand hovered over the bathroom doorknob for a good minute, eyes drifting to the door next to it. Armin's bedroom, by the looks of it. Surely, you could take a look, right? Fuck it. You opened the second door and at first glance, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. LED and fairy lights encircled a corner of his room and, curiously, you walked closer to see what that was, because it didn't look like a desk. Your Y/E/C widened when you saw tens of framed photographs of yourself on the square table, objects you thought you lost and — Jesus, was that your bra? A rush of anxiety hit you, but before you could do anything, a blow to your head blurred your vision.

•°☆°•☆•°☆°•

Dark lashes fluttered as you opened your eyes. The sudden realisation that you were naked and restrained to a bed made you jolt. What just happened?

"Fucking finally, I thought you'd never wake up." Armin greeted you, but his voice was different, deeper and darker.

"Ar-ugh, Armin?" You groaned at the stinging sensation at the back of your head.

"You know, I was relieved you didn't leave with Sasha, otherwise you would've slipped between my fingers again."

Again?

"Ugh, and Eren and his stupid idea. 'We'll take you home.'" He mocked his best friend with a high pitch. "I've been dreaming for this moment since I walked into that shitty coffee shop."

You were at a loss for words. This was not the Armin you fantasised about, not the Armin you wanted. He was much more and much worse. And. So. Much. Better.

Alright then, you'd put up a show for him.

"P-please, Armin, please untie m-me! I'll be good, I p-promise!" You stuttered and whimpered, trying your best to sound genuine.

"Why, so you can run away?" The blond scoffed. So, he didn't know you stalked him. What a twist.

"I won't r-run, I swear!"

"Bullshit." Armin bent over your body, hands around your neck. You gasped and pretended to be startled by his touch, but in reality, your core was already burning with lust. You knew you couldn't keep up with this charade. "No, Y/N, I won't untie you. But we'll have so much fun." He sneered.

"You promise?"

"Yes. Wait—"

Your laughter filled the bedroom, genuine laughter that baffled Armin. Was this some sort of reverse psychology trick?

"Oh, Armin, even when you reveal your true colours, you're still oblivious to the reality of what's in front of you."

"Then enlighten me, what am I so oblivious to?" He folded his arms across his chest and waited.

"The fact that this was my fucking plan, too." You stretched as much as your restraints allowed you to and licked your lips. "I guess we both stalked each other without even knowing. How ridiculous."

"I think I would've known if you stalked me, Y/N."

"Really? Let me prove it, then. Your favourite food's Carbonara pasta, your favourite drink is peach and lychee iced tea, favourite movie is Interstellar, you lived on Sheena street until you were 12–"

"That's common knowledge, Sasha could've told you any of that." Armin blurted, growing impatient.

"You watch BDSM and asphyxiation porn between 10 pm and 11 pm every Tuesday, you're a virgin, you own a fleshlight–"

"Fuck, alright!" He threw his hands in the air, defeated. "So, what next?"

"You untie me and you tear me apart, Armin, that's what's next."

The blond hesitated before removing the cuffs on your ankles, still unsure about the ropes around your wrists. Clearly, you weren't making things up, but what were the chances of both of you stalking each other? For a brief moment, Armin felt guilty for hitting you and practically holding you captive, and you could see that on his face, but obsession and desire soon took over, and he reverted back to his darker self. His soft hands moved from your ankles to your knees, up your thighs and stomach, stopping above your chest, deciding it's best if you're not fully free. Armin licked his lips and climbed on top of you, unbuttoning his flannel shirt. You thought was surprisingly strong for such a thin man, but when the unbuttoned shirt revealed his chiselled abdomen, it made sense why he was strong.

"The wrists, Armin." You insisted but the blond clicked his tongue.

"I like you better when you're helpless." He pressed his lips onto yours in a hot kiss. A great kiss, you thought, your tongues wrestling for supremacy.

"Please, I want to touch you! I need to..." You trailed off, intoxicated by his smell, notes of saffron and cardamom. His hands roamed your shoulders, tickling your axilla and groping your breasts. "Please let me touch you, Armin!" You begged again, but he didn't say a word, his hot breath fanning over your oversensitive nipples, goosebumps all over your skin. His pink tongue poked out of his mouth and you watched him painstakingly slowly lick one of your nipples. It literally pained you to be unable to touch him, pull him closer to you. Alas, you had no choice, and despite yearning to be in control, it aroused you to have him control you.

"You smell so sweet." He abruptly stopped. "I bet you taste sweet, too."

"Armin..." His words made you brace yourself. While you weren't a virgin, you've never had anyone eat you out. The blond was already in between your legs, one hand resting under your thigh, the other gently touching your slick folds. Armin was so careful, like you were made of glass, and the ticklish sensation didn't help you at all. You wanted him to ram his cock inside of you and rearrange your guts, but he wanted to take his sweet time. The teasing only made you dizzy with pleasure, and you bucked your hips, trying to get him to move faster.

"You really need to learn to be patient, Y/N." Armin purred, pressing gentle kisses on your thighs. He lazily dragged his tongue across your slit, electricity shooting through your body. God, how you wanted to rip those ropes apart. Two fingers entered you and the blond gingerly licked your clit.

"Fuck– so... so good ah–" You couldn't form a sentence even if your life counted on it. Gradually, you could feel your orgasm building up and Armin sensed it, picking up the pace. His fingers thrusted harder and you arched your back, the intensity too much for you. "Armin, please! I wanna come with your cock in me!" The begging didn't stop him, he was determined to make you finish then and there. And he did — within seconds you melted under his touch, legs trembling with pleasure. Armin pulled back, his mouth messy with saliva mixed with your juices.

"You come when I want you to come." His voice was low, almost like a growl. He unbuttoned his jeans, and you watched him like a hawk, waiting to see just how big his was, and you were not disappointed.

"Please please please let me suck it, please!" You begged him, eager to taste him. He smirked and kissed you, all the while rubbing his cock.

"You want this?" Armin quirked a brow at you. The little shit, jacking off in front of you and you couldn't even do anything about it.

"Armin..."

"Say it. Say you want it."

"Armin!"

"Say it, Y/N." He groaned, precum leaking from his member. Fuck.

"I... I want it..." You eventually gave up.

"Good girl." The blond climbed back on top of you. He raised your hips and you placed your legs on his shoulder, his first thrust slow and deep. Armin couldn't help the moan escaping his lips — this was so much better than that shitty fleshlight and countless porn videos. You couldn't deny the fact that it hurt, despite your soaking cunt, but you quickly adjusted to his size. As Armin pounded you, the bed underneath the two of you started moving and screeching, and the ropes tied to the metal bedframe loosened and you felt your arms fall onto the pillows. In his frenzy, the blond didn't notice, so you took this opportunity to lower your legs and wrap them around his waist, one hand grabbing his soft locks, the other wrapping around his neck. You used his weight against him and turned him over. You were in control.

Armin was taken aback by this, but the feeling of your fingers squeezing his throat only turned him on more. You bounced up and down, throwing your head back and groaning. He gripped your hips tightly, thrusting his own hips against yours.

"F-fuck me harder, Y/N!" He begged and you sped up. You felt like a queen — no, a goddess — when he asked you to fuck him, the feeling of him inside of you so addictive. He was your drug, and your rehab, your poison, and your antidote. And you were his and his only. His cock was twitching in your cunt and knew he was close but you didn't want to risk it. Swiftly, you got off of him and wrapped your lips around his dick, bobbing your head up and down. It didn't take long for him to finish, hot liquid shooting down your throat with one final grunt. You swallowed it all and threw yourself next to him. It was breaking dawn already, but you weren't tired. Physically, yes, both of you were exhausted, but mentally it felt like you discovered a hidden gem.

"What the fuck did we just do?" Armin calmly caressed your hair as you nuzzled his neck.

"Are we talking about the obsessively stalking each other part or the part where you hit me in the head? Or the fucking?"

"The everything." He explained. "This is wrong."

"Did it feel wrong?" You asked him, your fingers idly tracing circles over his chest.

"Well, no..."

"Then it's not wrong." You shrugged. "Am... am I yours?"

"Yes." The blond instantly replied without a trace of hesitation in his voice. "Am I?"

"You've been mine the moment you set foot in that shitty coffee shop." You laughed.

"And what are we going to tell the others?"

"That we ended up talking all night and I stayed over?"

"Sounds like a plan." Armin kissed your forehead.

"By the way, I really don't like Pearl Jam." You admitted.

He laughed and it filled your heart with warmth. You have no idea why you and Armin were like that, or how things would be from now on, but you had a good feeling about it. Things were okay. You two were okay.

#armin arlert x reader #armin x reader #snk smut #snk x reader #shingeki no kyoujin #armin arlert smut #aot smut #aot x reader #attack on titan #armin arlert

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dameronology · 4 years

Text

an insight into forever {poe dameron x reader}

summary: imagine having a love so deep that is completely unwavering - even in the face of broken promises, unspoken words and unfinished conversations

warnings: ANGST, so much angst, swearing, mentions of death

enjoy :) this hurt to write

- jazz

Poe Dameron had a tendency to not think before he spoke.

It was bad at the best of times - and it only got worst when he was around.

Worst, because you were the love of his life. Worst, because you were the most beautiful human being he’d ever had the pleasure of laying his eyes on. Worst, because he was completely and utterly obsessed you and worst, he’d let you go. He’d done a lot of stupid things - really, really stupid things - but allowing your relationship to reach a better end took the cake. Heck, it baked the cake and threw it into the fucking ceiling fan. Left splatters all up the wall and on the carpet and over his heart. Stained his heart with marks of your relationship, destined to keep him trapped in your unwitting grips until he met his untimely demise, probably in cockpit of an X-Wing (refer back to the really, really stupid things.)

He’d been through a couple break ups but this felt like the be-all-and-end-all. You’d given back his jumpers and jackets and belongings that he’d left in your room, but you still held onto a few tiny pieces of Poe’s heart. It was like a subtle, permanent grip on his brain; he occasionally thought about you but was always painfully aware that he’d let go of the best person in the galaxy. You were a once in the lifetime thing, like winning the lottery or finding gold at the bottom of a rainbow. Both of those were things he’d willingly forfeit in a second if it meant having you back.

So, you probably get the point: Poe was sad, your break-up was bad and you were a little mad (that was a rhyme Finn came up with to summarise the events of your relationship’s bitter demise to anyone who asked). It had been a few months, and you were both finally at the point where you could hang out as a group of five friends with it only being slightly awkward. It had only taken a minor intervention from Rey, Finn and Rose to get you to acknowledge one another again, but it was the first step to being friends. That’s what you’d been before, and if you could just set aside your differences, perhaps you could be there again.

The five of you always made a point to hang out together on a Friday. Your jobs in the Resistance took up every waking second during the week, so it was strictly marked in your calendar as friend time and you would all be there without fail. Usually, you found yourselves in a small cantina in one of the little villages a few miles out from the base on Ajan Kloss. It was the one day a week that things actually felt a little normal; just five young friends and some alcohol, laughing together and having a good time.

There was always something lingering in the air between you and Poe -- stolen glances and sneaky looks, and an atmosphere that paid ode to a million unsaid things and a plethora of unfinished conversations. Arguments that never reached conclusions and hearts that never quite healed; yours nor his. To force it all into a box and slam it shut and to process that hurt with proper closure was holding you back. Clinging onto your shoulders with a mighty grip that prevented you from truly moving on.

‘So, that cute mechanic asked about you today.’ Rose’s voice pulled your attention away from the pilot and back to the painfully Poe-free reality in which you found yourself.

‘He did?’ You blinked in surprise.

‘You did go on a date last week without calling him back.’ She reminded you. ‘He wasn’t bothered. I think he got it - everyone gets a bit busy in this line of work, right?’

Yeah, because that’s why you hadn’t replied to his 27 text messages.

‘I didn’t realise you were even dating again.’ Finn observed, eyes briefly flickering to his best friend. ‘I mean, not that it’s a bad thing, it’s just-’

‘- Finn.’ You cut him off. ‘It’s fine. Poe and I are friends now, right?’

Poe simply looked up, dark eyes shifting from his half-finished drink. He didn’t say anything for a moment, instead giving you a look that emanated the vibe he’d rather swim naked through the seas of Hoth than answer than question. It wasn’t until Finn cleared his throat that he pulled away from your gaze and forced the fakest smile smile known to man, and every other creature that roamed the galaxy.

‘Right.’ Did he normally speak through gritted teeth?

‘So, d’you like this guy?’ Rey asked. ‘He seemed nice when I met him in the air hangar.’

‘He’s...’ you paused. Annoying, whiny, argumentative, has a voice like a foghorn and, most importantly, isn’t Poe Dameron. ‘Fine.’

‘So are you gonna call him back?’ Rose pushed. ‘Because the minute you bring someone new to the table, I can set up ol’ flyboy here with the cute girl from comms who’s been eyeing him up.’

‘I’m okay, but thanks.’ Poe’s fake smile barely faltered, eyes landing on you again. ‘I don’t need a relationship when I have such fulfilling friendships.’

You almost choked on your drink at that. The irony was laying in the fact that you used to love Poe’s little sarcastic jabs and backhanded comments - at least when you’d been sat beside him, laughing into his shoulder and holding his hand under the table. Now, you were in the line of fire and maker knew you’d left your bulletproof vest at home.

Needless to say, his forced smile fell when you gave him a kick on the shin under the table.

‘So..you and Cute Mechanic. Not a thing?’ Finn asked.

‘Definitely not a thing.’ You confirmed.

‘You don’t have to say it on my behalf.’ Poe said. ‘If you like the guy, you can talk about it in front of me.’

‘Don’t flatter yourself.’ You snorted. ‘It’s nothing to do with you. I genuinely don’t like him.’

That was half true: you didn’t like the guy, but it was everything to do with Poe. You could have met the holy grail of men and they still wouldn’t have had a chance in hell. That’s not to say that Poe wasn’t the holy grail, but he was flawed. So you were you. It was those flaws that had lead to your downfall in the first place. Fundamentally, everyone had to have them -- it just so happened that the best parts of you clicked so well and the flawed parts of you clashed so badly. The good times and bad parts were so different that they were like two different ends of a magnet; complete opposites and inevitably polarising.

Rose, sensing the tension between the two of you, suddenly pushed to change the subject. ‘So, did anyone see the General-’

‘- I’m gonna go now.’ You stood up. ‘I’m really tired and I have an early meeting tomorrow.’

All four of them knew that was bullshit. There were no meetings on a Saturday, but they kept schtum. There was a chorus of okay, get some rest! and see you tomorrow, but Poe didn’t say anything. He just kept you in his gaze, watching as you gathered up your things and headed for the door.

The air outside was cold; Ajan Kloss had hot, hot summers and freezing winters. You fumbled to pull your jacket over your shoulders as you stalked away, boots thundering against the muddy path as you headed back for the base. It was only a fifteen minute walk, and it was safe for the most part. Everyone on the planet was either a native villager - all of whom were humble and welcoming - or a fellow Rebel.

You didn’t bother to turn around when you head foot-steps behind you. It was a Friday night, which meant that there was going to be people around.

It was only when somebody grabbed you by the shoulder that you suddenly spun on your heel -- luckily, Poe Dameron managed to catch your fist in time to save it hitting his face. It wasn’t personal. It was natural to get a little trigger happy with the ol’ mitt when a stranger grabbed you in the dark. Only, it wasn’t a stranger. It was your ex-boyfriend, looking as handsome as ever with disheveled hair and a five o’ clock shadow.

‘For fuck’s sake!’ You snapped. ‘What the hell are you doing?!’

‘I came to check you were okay!’ Poe released his grip on your wrist, letting it flop to your side. ‘You only ever stalk out like that when you’re mad.’

‘No thanks to you.’ You shot back. ‘I’m fine. Just go back to the bar.’

‘Short sentences meaning you’re fuming-’

‘- I’m about to be well past that point.’ You cut him off. ‘Go back. Don’t worry about me.’

‘I wanted to talk to you anyways.’ He admitted.

‘About what?’

‘About what you said back there.’ Poe replied. ‘I genuinely meant what I said. I don’t want you to not try things with that new guy because of me.’

‘Poe, I-’

‘- I mean it.’ He continued. ‘I just wanted you to know.’

‘Wanted me to know what?’ You murmured. ‘That I need your permission to date other people?’

‘No, that’s not what I’m saying.’ He frowned at your words. ‘I just...I mean that I wanted you to know that it’s okay if you don’t love me anymore.’

Well if that wasn’t like a knife through the fucking chest, you didn’t know what was.

What hurt more? The fact he was officially letting you go, or the fact he thought you were even capable of falling out of love with him? Because that, you weren’t. Poe might have been the most stubborn, most annoying, most chaotic person you knew but he was everything. Everything you wanted and everything you needed - but everything you couldn’t have. You were two parts of a screwed up whole. Bad apart, but probably even worse off together. It was pretty fucked up of whoever was in the sky that they’d put you both in the galaxy at the same time. Existing without him was less painful than existing in a world where you couldn’t be together.

‘Poe...’ your voice was small, a tiny crack appearing in the middle of his name.

‘Me being an ass is just a defence mechanism.’ He ran a hand through his hair. ‘And I’m sorry.’

‘I haven’t fallen out of love with you.’ You ignored his apology.

‘Like I said, it’s okay.’ He shook his head. ‘I can see it in your eyes.’

‘If you think you can see it in my eyes then you clearly don’t know me at all.’ Your voice shook, but you managed to throw the accusation at him. An admirable trait, surely.

‘I don’t think I do.’ He admitted. ‘Not anymore.’

The next morning, Poe was sat in the canteen. He didn’t normally rise so early on weekends, but thanks to your discussion the night before, sleep had alluded him.

Instead, he was staring aimlessly at his whole bowl of oatmeal. He’d been stirring it around for the better of an hour, thinking of nothing but you. He thought it was sweet of you to have rejected his claims of love (or lack thereof) but nothing you could have said would have made him believe you. It all stemmed down to the fact that he’d spent so long convincing himself of it. If he truly believed - or at least thought he believed - that you didn’t love him anymore, then he wouldn’t fool himself to having false hope, He was more likely to force himself to pull his head out his backside and move on. It was less painful that way, to rip it off like a bandaid. There was no hope if there was no love. Both of those things were and few these days.

Poe jumped out of his exhausted, self-inflicted trance when something slammed on the table in front of him. He practically jumped out of his seat, oatmeal flying everywhere as he let out a yelp. He was about to open his mouth and yell, to cry in vain of his airborne breakfast, but he immediately stopped when he saw you staring down at him.

‘Do you really think I stopped loving you?’

He huffed. ‘I’m not having this conversation with you.’

‘Yes, you are.’ You snapped. ‘Answer the question, Poe. Do you really think I stopped loving you?’

‘What’s this?’ He asked, eyes falling onto the piece of paper resting atop the table.

‘Do you remember a few weeks ago when I went on that mission to Nevarro?’ You asked.

‘Uh, yeah.’ Poe scratched the back of his hair. ‘That dangerous one.’

‘Yeah, the dangerous one.’ You placed one leg over the bench seat opposite him, dropping down onto the table with a thud. ‘I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it back.’

‘None of us were.’

‘This is a letter I asked Leia to give to you in case I died.’ You slid it across to him. ‘You should give it read.’

‘What are you doing?’ Poe sighed.

‘I’m proving a point, Dameron.’

‘Yeah, you’ve always been good at that.’ He snatched the letter from you, pulling it open. ‘You just gonna stare at me the whole time that I read this?’

‘Yup.’

Another sigh escaped his lips as he tore it open, eyes briefly scanning the page for a moment. His brow furrowed - was it possible to feel like words were punching you in the throat?

Poe,

If you’re reading this, it’s either because I’m dead or M.I.A, or you’ve been snooping through Leia’s desk draw in search of that damned Coruscanti candy again. If it’s the latter, put this fucking down. Because it means I’m alive, and I’ll find you and throttle you. If it’s because of the first one, then keep reading, because it means I’m gone. Turns out that I only act immortal.

I should preface this by saying that I’m sorry. Sorry that we didn’t get to be together again and sorry that I didn’t try harder to make it happen. Please know that it’s what I wanted more than anything. You probably already know it, but I never stopped loving you. I died loving you (hopefully in a bad-ass way) and because death is, rather unfortunately, a permanent state, it means that I’ll love you forever.

I’m only being bold with my words because I know you won’t be around for me to be embarrassed by how soft you’ve made me, but you’re my best friend. My other half and my whole world. You made me feel safe and loved and by all intents and purposes, you are my home. Whoever ends up getting to marry you - because you will find someone; the galaxy is a large place and there is another person out there who will find your annoying ass to be rather charming - is the luckiest fucking person ever. I’m just sorry that I can’t be there to watch it happen, and even more sorry that it couldn’t be me.

Love you always, flyboy

- (name)

p.s I have a cactus on my window ledge. Can you water it for me? Thanks.

Poe’s eyes were bleary with tears by the end - at the thought of you dying, at the thought of him being the last person you thought of before you went on that mission. The mission that he’d sent you on, as your Commander. He’d caused you grief without even trying.

‘That mission was two weeks ago.’ He looked up at you, not even bothering to hide the water in his eyes. ‘You wrote this two weeks ago.’

‘Yeah.’ You quietly murmured. Giving a small nod, you stood up from the table and wiped your own eyes. ‘You should hold onto that.’

‘W-where are you going?’

‘I have work to do.’ You stood up. ‘Goodbye, Poe.’

'For now or forever?’ He tried to force a joke, but it didn’t really work in his favour.

‘You had a point in what you said.’ You replied. ‘We should both move on.’

His eyes fell back down to the letter, where a few scrawled words jumped out at him: I’ll love you forever.

Until now, he hadn’t considered the fact that forever was still forever, even when you spent it apart.

tags: @interwebseriesfan24 @spider-starry @itspdameronthings @lifeandloveandhappiness

#well fucking ouch lads #this one hurt #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x you #poe dameron x y/n #poe dameron one shot #poe dameron imagine #poe dameron imagines #poe dameron fan fiction #poe dameron fanfic #poe dameron angst #star wars x reader #star wars angst #star wars x you #star wars headcanons #star wars fan fiction #star wars #star wars fanfic

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sagefzy · 3 years

Text

PART ELEVEN: THE PERFORMANCE

perfectionism | prev | next

After sitting down for about ten minutes, Atsumu redirected his attention to the now dimming lights. The once lit up auditorium was now only being illuminated from the light appearing on the stage. There was almost an entrancing aura in the room, everyone gathered in the same room for the sole purpose of watching people showcase their musical talent. Though completely different activities, he couldn't help but be reminded of the similar feeling when watching a volleyball match.

Although Suna had mentioned to him many times that he and you had two very distinct and different personalities, he couldn't help but disagree. From the little he'd observed, you both had strong passions that you had dedicated your whole lives to. Even though you two may approach situations differently. You both have a mutual understanding of the thrill that comes with pushing yourself to the limit for something.

He had never really chosen to get to know another person on a deeper level. Of course, there was Osamu, but that didn't really count since that was his brother. Additionally, his friendship with Suna was only a byproduct of Osamu's friendship with him. Atsumu constantly had girls throwing themselves at him, and even though he enjoyed basking in their attention, he knew that they were only in love with the idea of him.

Outside of volleyball and his family, he never got the chance to have a close relationship with someone, but that was something he was willing to sacrifice for the sake of achieving his dreams. Not to mention, he always had the lingering fear that, in the end, people only hung out with him to get close to Osamu. He really hoped that you were an exception to that case.

The competition had to at least been going on for an hour now, Atsumu thought to himself. When he imagined attending a piano competition, he envisioned a relaxing show that he could attend for free, but that wasn't the case. Instead, he spent his time watching musicians attempt to play grand, complex pieces to perfection, but at most they only achieved mediocre performances. Just how long was it going to take for you to come on stage?

"Now presenting contestant 105, l/n y/n. Playing piano concerto number one in E minor, opus eleven: two. Romance larghetto."

His eyes were directed to your figure that now walked onto the stage. Your head held high, your footing confident. Atsumu grinned, noticing that you were sporting that perfect smile of yours. He watched as you took a deep breath while fixing your stool.

Before your hands touched the keys, he observed how, for a quick second, your eyes changed from confident to anxious when studying the crowd. Your eyes were glued in the same spot briefly, however they were quickly averted back to the instrument. Could it be that large crowds made you anxious? No, it couldn't be, you seemed way too confident walking out on stage. He wondered just what made you apprehensive.

He continued to watch you intently.

Your fingers graced the keys. They quickly found their tempo and danced to the rhythm. You didn't miss a single beat nor note as you played. Everything was played to perfection, just as it always was.

Your smile disappeared, only to be replaced with a face of precision and focus. Your hands produced a soft melody, making the sound glide into his ears. No previous performer enchanted the audience like you did. The notes danced and swayed in the air.

Your song had so much power to it. It was as if a mystical spell was casted in the room the minute that you started to play. Atsumu's eyes widened as he watched you get lost in the song. There was absolutely no hesitation as you played. Your body was completely in tune with the instrument.

Although you weren't saying anything, you were telling a story to everyone in the room, captivating them. It was all perfect. Your rhythm, notes, tempo, and tone- it was exactly as written on paper. You quite literally were playing the piece perfectly. However, the story you were telling with your music, wasn't quite your own, but rather the composer.

You were guaranteed a first place win since you were playing a technical piece perfectly, but it lacked the emotion. You played it exactly as the composer intended, nothing more, nothing less.

Atsumu recognized the seemingly stoic look on your face. It wasn't something he could decipher easily at first, but now hearing you play, he could understand it. You were so obsessed, so intent with playing it perfectly, something he often found himself partaking in when in an important match. You were perfect, but at what cost?

There was no denying that you were extremely talented, certainly more talented than himself, he thought. But, he could only imagine how much more captivating you could be when expressing your own emotions with your talent.

As your song neared its end, the whole room stood up in applause. You stood up, knowing you played it perfectly, but you still felt empty. You remember a time where you used to love savoring the gratification from an overwhelmed audience. Now, however, you stood in front of everyone clapping for your perfect performance, and you couldn't feel less accomplished. Perhaps you were being too hard on yourself. When did playing piano turn into a chore?

You glanced to the top of the audience, the same place you were looking before the performance, and locked eyes with your dad. The same unreadable expression was present on his face. He shook his head and walked out the exit door. Your chest grew heavy, trying its best to hold in your tears in front of the audience.

You bowed in front of the audience, trying your best to conceal the emotions running rampant in you. You swiftly paced yourself offstage, running past your mentor who was there for support and into the backstage bathroom.

Your back leaned on the heavy door, all of your bottled feelings washing out. You looked at your face in the mirror, placing two hands over your heated cheeks. Your eyes started to sting, but you still stared into the reflection. Anger, disappointment, humiliation, vulnerability, and most of all, loneliness. You let it all spill out at that moment.

There was so much more you wanted to do with your music, but at that moment no amount of praise could convince you that it was worth it. All in life you ever wanted to do was make your dad proud, show him that you are worthy enough to be your mother's daughter. Was anything you did ever going to be good enough for him?

"y/n, it's Haruka-sensei." A voice from the door knocked. "I thought you played the piece perfectly, I'll be in the lobby, so come out when you're ready."

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. Your hands made their way to your face again, this time cleaning up the tears and smudged mascara. Looking up one last time, you smiled into the mirror. Over the years, you convinced yourself that if you faked being happy enough, eventually you will be. It's not like anyone could tell the difference from it anyways.

You opened the door slowly, trying to gain your composure again. You bumped into many kids roaming the halls backstage looking anxious to perform. The maze of people was something you were now used to navigating.

The lobby was empty with the exception of your sensei and dad, everyone else still in the auditorium watching the final stretch of the performances. Haruka-sensei and your dad didn't get along for the most part, which is why you weren't surprised when you saw them standing in completely opposite areas of the room.

Your dad was first to approach you. "What did you think that was?" His voice was laced with alcohol. Your gaze met his. His eyes filled with resentful judgement. "You think you can get away playing like shit and make your way to the top?"

Droplets of tears fell to the ground once more. "I asked you a question!"

You looked to the ground. "No, I know I'll never be good enough." You sniffed harshly, still trying to maintain your composure, but failing. You hated crying in front of your dad. It was arguably the worst feeling in the world, like you were being isolated in a dark void with nothing but disappointment.

He watched you cry. You could feel his gaze burning into the top of your head, which still faced the ground in fear. All of a sudden, you felt a harsh grip on your wrist that was sure to leave a bruise.

"And don't you ever forget that," He spat. "I bet your mother is even more repulsed by you than I am. It's a joke that you think you'll ever be anything great." He shook your arm firmly, forcing you to see the aggravation displayed on his expression.

"That's enough," Haruka yelled, shoving your dad to the side. She might've been a small lady, but she sure did know how to stand her ground. "I can't stand hearing you spread such bullshit hatred to your own daughter. You make me sick. Why don't you go and get yourself even more drunk. Maybe you'll wake up and find yourself passed out on a park bench."

He rolled his eyes and scoffed. He left the building, leaving just you and Haruka.

"Listen, y/n, I think you played beautifully. Your technique was perfect, and with just a few tweaks here and there, I'm sure you'll be more than ready to take the top spot at nationals." She praised. She gave you a genuine smile and pulled you into a hug.

Feeling overwhelmed, you started to cry for the third time that hour. "Shh- don't worry about your dad, he's just a loser-asshole that projects all his issues onto you." You felt comforted by her embrace. Although she'd only known you for about a month now, Haruka had quickly become one of your favorite piano mentors. She had the loving presence and embrace of a mother, something that was so foreign to you at first.

After your heavy tears and emotions subsided, you re-entered the backstage hallways. You sat in the corner of the hallway, directing your attention to a boy- who couldn't have been any older than twelve. He sat next to his mom, holding her hand as he kept on muttering about his nervousness.

You watched as the mom eased his nerves with a single statement. "My child, I love you now, and I'll still love you after you go out and perform." The words warmed your heart. The affection from a mother was a distant memory in your mind. You could never recall a moment you were sad around your mother. Why did she have to leave so soon?

Before the kid could respond, he was called out to perform. He hugged his mom quickly and scrambled to the stage. You sat there lost in your thoughts, imagining what life would be like if your mother didn't pass away so early on.

You sighed. There was no use in fantasizing about a false reality even if it brought you temporary peace from your discomfort. What only mattered now was the present moment.

You noticed that the boy was back, a giant grin plastered on his face as he met up with his mother, it'd only be a few minutes until the winners were announced. Soon enough, all of the competitors were asked to reconvene at the stage.

You looked out at the audience again, but this time it was different. Rather than feeling anxious when meeting the gaze of someone, you felt content. Atsumu flashed his famous smirk and displayed a thumbs up, only to be quickly smacked down by Osamu. The two seemed to get into an argument after that, making you look at Suna who was now a giggling mess. The whole event made you laugh, momentarily forgetting about the heavy reign of disappointment on your shoulder.

However, the three of them got their act together once the top three standings were being announced. This part always made you fidgety. The uncertainty of the outcome always twisted your stomach in knots. Once second and third place were announced you took a deep breath, hoping that you were to be crowned first.

"And-" Here it was, you thought. The moment that decided whether or not you'd go to nationals. "-first place for the Hyogo Regional piano competition goes to-" You could feel your heart beating out of your chest. Your nails dug into your arm, the tension eating away at you. "-l/n y/n."

You almost jumped to the front of the stage when they announced your name. You did it, despite what your dad said, you did it. And it didn't matter what hateful words of disappointment he spat at you because in that very moment, you were enough.

Atsumu watched as you were handed a certificate. A radiant smile now present on your face. This smile was different, though. The one he was used to seeing was the seemingly perfect one, the one so perfect it was almost fake. The one you wore right now was one of genuine, heartfelt joy. Was this the real you? Just what else were you hiding under that perfect smile?

Osamu tapped his shoulder. "Stop staring at yer little girlfriend and let's go to the lobby before it gets too crowded. Suna said we're going to go out for udon."

"Yeah, yeah 'm coming," He muttered, never once taking his eyes off of your smile.

fun facts !

Osamu and Atsumu are notorious for always being late for everything, whether it be 10 minutes to an hour.

Atsumu daydreams when he's bored, only paying attention to what he wants to.

Every time Osamu cooks, he always puts on music in the background and it always differs depending on his mood.

perfectionism ©

smau written by @sagefzy

taglist: open just send an ask :)

@shephard17895 @art-junkie-13 @vhsryuu @qualitygiantshoepsychic @everytimeswift @kritiiiii @why-couldnt-it-be @sunahyejin @jbsonelesslonleygirl @tanakasimpcorner @iwasunshine @succulentmom @ashy-lyn @bakudummy @rinsangel @kachuuha @sakusasimpbot

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nightshadedawn · 3 years

Text

Writing prompts!!

Select one of the prompts and a ship and I'll write 300 words for it! I'll keep this open for a week!

Prompts are broken up into categories and further numbered within those categories to help everyone quickly find prompts, so please either give me the category and number of prompt or the prompt itself.

Fuck

"Fuck you." "You know what, [name], I've been trying but you haven't been cooperating." "What."

"I don't hate you." "You bought an entire fucking island to avoid me so we wouldn't be roommates our second year of college." "It obviously didn't work out well because we still ended up in Art History together."

"I'm fucked, I'm screwed. I'm gonna faaaaiillll."

"Well, fuck me and leave me to bleed."

"You're crazy." "Yeah, I'm fucking insane!"

"I have fucking questions!"

"You sir- are fucking hilarious."

"I love you but you're a fucking idiot."

"Love- fuck off."

"I'm cute as all fuck, but I'm an asshole if you piss me off."

"Insomnia's a real fucker, you know?"

"Fuck it- just- breathe! Breathe, damnit!"

"You and your bisexual ass can get the fuck out of here."

"Let's fuck the world over, 'cause that's all we're good for."

"Fuck it. We're not done yet."

"Occasionally I tell people to go fuck themselves just to mess with their puny lives."

"I didn't want anyone else. Fuck it, I just wanted YOU."

"You're a fucking bisexual disaster. Don't at me, brah."

"I'm just a sad, mostly human being that doesn't know what they're doing with their life." "Only mostly?" "Granny honestly got it on so who knows what the fuck Mom is."

"I don't mind if you call me a freak, just don't say it to my face. That's really rather rude." "You're a fucking idiot." "Yes, I've been told."

"I'm DONE! I'm done acting happy, I'm done pretending to be okay, I'm DONE playing this game. I am so. Fucking. DONE. With shits like you! Don't ever come near me again."

"The only reason I kept fighting was because of the people I cared about! And you took them all away from me! I'm not done fighting yet! I'm not done fucking fighting until your body is rotting in the fucking ground!"

"Giving a fuck what other people think about you is like giving them control of your life."

"Please don't pretend to give a fuck about me. I know better now."

"They said I can't." "Well, fuck 'em." "What?" "You're not weak. It's your life. Fuck 'em. Do what you want."

"I trust you about as far as I can throw you. Which is to say I don't. I can't. I'm weak as all fuck."

"I'm as cute as a cucumber. Wait, fuck, that's a kiwi."

Shit

"When you're a sarcastic piece of shit but people keep falling in love with you anyway."

"My sister is a huge piece of shit." "Awe, that's not nice. What'd the shit ever do to you?"

"Shit aside, this isn't the worst plan put into motion."

"Literally no one cares about that shit."

"I'm not a bitch, I'm an asshole. Guys still want to screw me even if all I spew is shit."

"Congratulations! You're in deep shit."

"You've shown great aptitude for bullshitting."

"Shit... I don't... I don't know why I'm crying... Just please don't leave me alone..." "Never."

"I'm one of those people that people regularly tell me not to do stupid shit and I do it anyway."

"I've lived my life watching through windows. I'm ready to go break shit now."

"I promise, I'm okay."

"You expect me to believe that bullshit!?"

"I'm just getting a little tired of having to deal with this shit!"

"Hey, I'm kinda feeling like shit tonight. You think you could... come cuddle me?"

"I don't see myself as someone who breaks promises, spills secrets, or tells lies. I'm not a great person like that statement would suggest. I just don't talk to people enough, and when I do, I don't give enough of a shit to care."

Asshole

"'Cause sometimes, people are just assholes no one else cares about."

"It was an accident! I didn't mean to-" "Now why don't I believe you?" "Because I'm an arrogant prick and an asshole." "At least you're aware of your short comings."

"No, I'm not getting high off lemonade. What are you drinking, bitch?"

"If you're not sucking cock for the fun of it, I don't know what you're doing with your life."

"Ten out of ten. Would bang again." "Please stop." "Love you, babe."

Forget

"I haven't quite forgiven you for that." "No, I don't expect you did."

"The most unforgettable stories are also the most unbelievable, don't you know?"

"I don't need you to hold me like it's okay to forget. I need you to hold me like it's okay to remember, to hold on, and then to let go."

"Sometimes people forget... I'm not normal."

"The world is a wonderful, beautiful, amazing place. That's why it doesn't matter if in thirty years, no one remembers us."

"I want you to remember what it felt like to fight against me."

"Do you remember what it was like when we were young and alright?"

"Do you remember what I promised? That we'd always be together. I don't break promises. Not to anyone, but never to you. As long as you'll have me, I'll be right here. So please, let me stay."

"I want you to remember this feeling; it will follow you all your life."

"Why don't you remember ANYTHING I said!?"

Pain

"Don't you ever wish we could ever be something different? Like, I don't know. Something less hellish?" "I don't know. Sometimes I welcome the pain."

"I just get so restless, and I can't stop moving, and when I have to sit down and focus... it's really hard because I just want to be up. It's genuinely painful when it strikes in the middle of class or something."

"Pain is what made me human."

"You don't understand all the pain we went through to get where we are now."

"I will break, I will burn, but I will not let you hurt me."

"Listen to me and this broken heart of mine."

"It's not your fault you've been hurt before."

"I don't enjoy hurting people." "Could'a fooled me."

"Does it hurt?" "Always."

“It’s not me you have to worry about killing you if you hurt our daughter, it’s my wife.” “Oh, honey, you know me so well.”

"I knew from the beginning I'd never be able to hurt you."

"I shouldn't care. Caring only hurts."

"Sometimes when people get hurt, they shut themselves away. They push away people and the things that hurt them. But I think it's more interesting when they fight back. Revenge is a bitter tale, but it's a more interesting story told."

"I don't want to fall in love. Falling means you get hurt. I want to grow. I want to grow to love someone, see them at their smallest and grow into their mightiest. I want to grow to love, because when something grows, it never stops growing."

"My head feels heavy and my heart just hurts."

"Don't stress the small stuff. It only makes your brain hurt."

"In the end, we were made of blood that could be spilt and bones that could be broken."

"'Broken,' he'd promised. And 'broken' he'd become."

Death

"I have been scared of many things. Surprisingly, my death has never been one of them."

"They're both very strong willed, bull headed, "death to all those who defy me" kind of people."

"Even the bravest close their eyes when facing Death."

"Death seems like the best option right now." "No. No, it does not."

"Touch my phone and you accept Death as your new best friend."

"You tend to just find death everywhere you go. Isn't that a problem?"

"Death is not a good look on you, honey."

"I've got about a hundred years worth of death on my hands and isn't that great?"

"Death comes to all those who wait for it."

"Murder, death, and mayhem are my favorite things to write about."

"You are an angel of death by association. This is your duty."

"I hope you've got some kind of special armor under that dress, 'cause with the way you're surrounded, if you don't, you're gonna die."

"We're gonna die." "That's the plan."

"How many times must she die before you're satisfied?!"

"This time, I'm not letting you die for me."

"Someone's gonna die tonight, but it ain't gonna be me."

"Fine. I'll let you die. I'll just have to bring you back to life."

"But why'd you have to die?"

"If I die, it's officially Your Fault."

"Welp. time to die again,"

"No! No! You don't get to die! You don't get to die and leave me alone!"

"Don't ask me that! Don't do that!" "Why?" "Because everyone knows that when you talk about the future right before a big battle, you're gonna die!"

"When it comes down to it, I want you to make sure I die."

"How did you save them?" "Easy- I died."

"I would live and die for you, but I'd never kill."

"We are not gods. But I shall die like one anyway."

"There was a time when I swear I was just waiting to die."

"I'd rather destroy myself than let her die for me."

"The truth is- I'm just tired of watching you die."

"I've died so many times, and I'm still falling for you."

"I am so done with children." "You have nine." "And I would die for each and every one of them."

"It's a miracle in itself that you haven't died yet."

"The explosion killed thousands. How are you alive?"

"You bother me." "I can't imagine why." "Surely it has nothing to do with the fact you've killed hundreds of people including my family. That couldn't possibly be it."

"I trust you, but the question is, do you trust me?" "I trust you not to get yourself killed." "I think you might be asking a little too much."

"How are you going to tell your sister you killed her best friend?" "I'm not." "That's no way to start a relationship."

"You are legit trying to kill me." "Oh darling, if I really wanted to kill you, I wouldn't be trying. You'd be dead already."

"I'm pretty sure I killed someone. But then again, I could be wrong."

"I'm going to kill someone." "Oh dear god, please be me."

"Ohhhhh, my sister's gonna kill me for this one."

"One time my sister tried to tell me I wasn't right. Valid, I wasn't. But I still tried to kill her anyway."

"Do what you will. But don't come crying to me if it kills you."

"Oh god, just kill me now." "As you wish."

"The next time somebody tries to kill, me, I'm gonna scream." "I should hope so?"

"This child threatened to kill me." "She threatened to burn the entire city to the ground. I don't see what your point is."

"We are all dead and it’s your fault!"

"Oh look. The sun is shining, nobody is dead- today's gonna be a good day."

"I swore I wouldn't do it again. But here I am. Wishing all of them dead."

"I guess being dead wasn't good enough for you. You wanted to erase me from history too."

"Who even knows if we'll be alive tomorrow?"

"What story did they tell you?" "That'd I'd never make it out alive."

"And if I refuse?" "Well, *chuckle* don't suppose you'll get out of this alive."

"You just need to survive."

"The world is a cruel, unfair place. But it's the one we live in, so we gotta do what we can to survive."

"You've done your best to destroy me, but I survived all along."

"I survive because there is nothing else I could do."

"The world didn't want me. But I survived anyway."

"I think I'm more surprised that you're telling me this than the fact that you survived it."

"We exist in this time and place. This isn't the end."

"You hide it in the corners of your mind like it doesn't exist."

"Once upon a time, there was a girl. A regular, ordinary type of girl. The kind of girl... that no longer exists."

"In any other world, we would not exist."

"Hell exists in ways you don't expect it to."

"I exist in your eyes, but not in your life."

"You weren't supposed to exist."

"I suppose that magic exists. In some way or another."

"Time is inconsequential. Unreal. It doesn't exist. All that exists is the here and now."

"The world only exists the way we want it to."

"The world need not know you exist. More importantly, the world need not know you exist as you do."

"Who's dying this time?"

"I've existed long enough to know this is a very bad idea."

"We only sort of exis

"There's something beautiful in the way you look at the world like nothing else exists."

"We exist to be tempered into impossible weapons."

"I am aware of worlds and things that should not exist."

"The difference you have to learn about the past and future is that the future gives us a reason to keep living... the past only exists to hold us back."

"You are the bane of my existence." "I'm the bane of existence in general."

"How many times have I thought about dying? Too many."

My entire life you've made me cry. All you're doing now is making me cry again.

"My room's a mess. Kinda like my life. But nobody's complaining about that."

"My life was wonderful. But it was better without you in it."

When life gives ya lemons, we find someone who has vodka and makes martinis.

"She's living her life in monochrome."

"There are some things in life that just get you down. And then there's her."

"I've been wrong all my life. This is just another instance, isn't it?

"Home is not a place. It's a feeling. Feeling of contentment, life, respect, safety. That is home."

"I live off of two things: spite and validation. I live to spite those who say I can't, but I need validation from those who say I can."

"Please don't live for tomorrow. Live for today."

"My favorite kind of people are the ones who live for themselves, and not for anyone else."

I knew we'd live forever.

"There's not enough time on Earth to see everything. We could go back a billion years and live every moment up to now, and even then we wouldn't see everything." "Nah. But with you, I'd like to try. I feel like I could do anything with you by my side."

#persona 5 #pegoryuann #pegoryu #shuann #yutaba #sk8 the infinity #matchablossom #renga #bnha #bakudeku #kirikami #iidachako #todomomo #if you have questions about another show or ship send me an ask because I honestly am terrible at tagging and i might still be into it #haikyuu!!#kagehina #asanoya #daisuga #honestly most haikyuu ships i just don't know most of their names

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wyn-n-tonic · 4 years

Text

Golden, Like Daylight -- Part III

Word Count: 1,810 Warnings: Mentions of drug use. PTSD. Guns. Ben Affleck. As always, if I missed anything, please send me a message and I'll amend this warning ASAP. A/N: As you can tell, I'm a slut for dialogue.

MASTERLIST | PART: I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII | VIII | IX

gif by: @santigogarcia.

“Francisco,” she’s swaying back and forth with a sleeping Luna in her arms and he can hear the pleading in her voice, “please don’t do this.”

He waited until the absolute last second to tell her but she knew as soon as she got his text—

Pope’s here. I’m gonna bring him by tomorrow to meet Luna, okay?

“Baby,” he catches her hip and pulls her into him, “it’s just a couple of days, consulting work. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“No,” she’s shaking her head, tears threatening to spill over, “you promised me. You looked me in the eye and you said, Leah, I’m done with this shit. Why are you going?”

He licks his lips and looks to Santi in the hallway, pretending to be lost in his phone. He knows he’s not.

“I’ll call you when we get to Colombia. I’ll call you every night and again when I’m on the plane home. Te prometo, ay?”

“Stop making promises,” she pulls away from him, hand on his chest to steady her shaking body, “we’ve established you don’t keep them.”

His hands find her shoulders and squeeze, “Baby, it’s almost twenty grand. We can pay off the car or,” he stammers, “your student loans. We can breathe.”

Frankie sees the words trying to formulate in front of him, the cogs of her mind turning behind her eyes. He’s bracing himself for what’s next but all she does is pull away, the only acknowledgement of the fact that she can’t stop him.

She turns on her heel and he watches her walk out the room, stopping as Santi picks up where Frankie left off.

“Stop being so harsh on him, he needs this. Your family needs this.”

Frankie takes in a breath as Leah’s free hand collides with Santi’s cheek and before he can even react, she’s rounding on him again.

“Don't you dare tell me what my family needs, Santiago Garcia. I love you because he loves you but you are nothing but trouble.”

She can feel Frankie coming up behind her, shifting the air again because he’s nothing but nerves but Santi’s too hot to notice.

“He'll be fine, Leah, you worry too goddamn much,” he wants to shout, that’s evident in his demeanor. "He’s a big boy, if he didn’t want to go, he’d tell me.”

“Baby,” Frankie’s hand wraps around her elbow, trying to gently coax her into his arms. He wants to lead her back to the bedroom. Hold her. Convince her.

“No,” she pulls away, eyes still hard on Pope, “the best case scenario is that he comes home alive, Santiago. But he’s not fine. And who’s here picking up the pieces? It’s not you.”

“Leah, I swear. It's just a consultation,” his jaw sets with the lie he fed the rest of them, like his body is finally rebelling to the bullshit but he continues on, “your husband will come home.”

Frankie’s still got one hand wrapped around her elbow, another on her back. Her anger is a hurricane, he can feel it churning deep inside as her voice comes out lower, “He better or—“

“Or what?” Santiago's face splits into a shit eating grin, “you'll try to kill me again? How is your sister by the way?”

“I won’t kill you, Santi, but I will put a bullet through the bad knee and I’ll make sure William gets me the good shit. The kind that shreds through tendon and bone like a blender.”

Nodding, Santi sucks the air through his teeth, “You can try but I honestly think you’re too chicken shi—“

“¡Basta!” Enough!

Frankie’s pulling on Leah again, the hand that was resting on the small of her back making its way to Luna now. Luna, who up until her father’s raised voice—the voice he never wanted her to know—was sleeping perfectly against her mother. Completely, blissfully unaware of the firefight happening around her.

“Pope,” his voice is shaking, “you need to go.”

“Fine,” he pulls his phone back up to his face. “I’ll pick you up for the airport tomorrow.”

“No,” he feels the hope emanating from Leah as he watches Santi’s face fall, “if I come, I’ll meet you there but this isn’t a conversation you’re involved in anymore.”

“Wha—what the fuck does that mean? I started the conversation.”

Leah pads back into the bedroom, heart aching, with Luna in her arms. Frankie watches as she closes the door and rounds on Santiago, slamming his back into the wall behind him with enough force to shake the house and when he speaks again, it’s measured and even. This is the calmest he has been in weeks.

It’s not a threat.

“If you ever speak to my wife like that again, she’s not the one you have to worry about putting a bullet into your body.”

It’s a promise. —————

Fish is most talented pilot I know—

He swings his assault rifle back, opting for the Glock 19 at his side, Santi’s words ringing through his ears.

—and he’s grounded on a bullshit coke rap.

His boots fall heavy through the mansion, he doesn’t give a shit about stealth. Threw every care in the world out the door the moment Tom started digging for more. What they had was more than enough but he could never just have enough. Had to push for more. Every fucking time.

Another lap. Another sweep. Another round.

But he never missed a hard out, Benny was right about that.

Bullshit coke rap. Every misstep Frankie made, every struggle he faced, was just a bullshit mark on a hardened warrior. That’s all they ever saw him as, Tom and Santi. All remorse drained from his soul in the name of God and country.

Frankie squeezes the trigger, eyes lighting up in the muzzle flash. If he was going to take their lives, he was going to see it drain from their faces.

If he was inflicting this horror on his mind again, making Leah puzzle his shit back together again, he was going to earn it.

The gun hangs heavy in his hand as he steps over the bound and gagged body, following the sound of the rain.

"Fish, where are you?” Tom’s voice scratches at the edge of his skull. His nickname is a stark reminder that there is a separation between man and monster and he can find it again.

He’s shaking as he reaches for the button on his collar, “I'm exiting back out to the courtyard.”

She was right, telling him to stop making promises. He said no live fire and he couldn’t even keep that to himself. —————

“Is he right?” She’s quiet as Frankie lifts their daughter from her aching arms, “Is this what you need?”

“Yeah,” it comes out quiet, leveling up to the bouncing he’s now taken over to keep the baby asleep, “I think it is.”

“Why?” It’s not accusatory, she genuinely wants to know.

“I—“ he stops to think, he doesn’t want his words to come out selfish but he knows that’s how they’ll land. “Baby, I know I brought all of this down on myself and I know that I’ve survived it once before but…”

He trails off, his large hand is splayed across Luna’s back to support her as he resettles her in his arms. A small sound of contentedness escapes her and he can’t believe he’s missed this for the last six weeks. Spent months on end higher than any fucking plane he flew just because he was afraid of failing her. He chokes on the lump building in his throat because he already has.

“But what, baby?”

“I fucked up,” he takes a deep breath to steady himself, “this has been the hardest year of my life, the last six weeks especially.”

Bad landing.

She takes a breath, a tiny spark in her eyes but he’s already in front of her, “Mi alma, let me finish. Please.”

She nods, agreeing to his appeal.

"Before, the only thing I had to lose was my license. Now, the license was just the tip of the pyramid. This shit could’ve cost me my life. In more ways than one. I know what they cut the drugs with now and my nightmares are no longer about what I did in the service, Leah. Will and Benny hold me down screaming in the middle of the night as I imagine I’ve left this shit out for you or Luna to find.”

He laughs at the love and concern in her eyes, not feeling he deserves it but he forges on anyway, “I snorted our finances into desolation. We can’t live on a teacher’s salary alone, baby, you know that. How far behind is the car payment?”

“Just a month now,” she whispers, “my sisters helped us catch up.”

“And you hate that! You’re too prideful to ask for help, too full of protection for me. This will set us back on the right track.”

She’s standing now, arms crossed to anchor her own sobs from escaping, “Frankie, we can survive until your drug test—“

“No,” he’s shaking his head, “it’s still another six weeks away.”

“You don’t have to do this, baby, I know you don’t want to.”

"I cannot let you struggle like this,” he’s shifting Luna again, her tiny fists balled into his shirt and he is devastated with his love for her, “I am supposed to provide for and protect this family. It was in my vows and I broke those.”

“For richer or poorer was also in the fucking vows, Francisco.”

He swallows hard, reaching out and pulling her into him. He can’t bear to see her face when he speaks again, his voice low with the confidence of a settled mind.

“I am going to Colombia." —————

He feels the stone falling from beneath him as he loses the mule to the mountainside, last in line of the five.

He should’ve done more. Held on tighter, walked faster. But as Santiago saw an animal and Tom saw money, he could only see himself falling over.

He lost count of the days he hadn’t called. Two? Three? Hadn’t heard her voice or the baby’s babbling as she responds to daddy. He saw himself at the bottom of that mountain. Never enunciating each syllable of Pa-pa for his little girl ever again, convincing himself that he would be her first word. Never pulling Leah into his arms, the scent of coconut and vanilla so profoundly intoxicating that all he could think about was sinking deep into her. All the comfort and clarity the world had to offer found in her arms and between her legs.

She insisted on the nicest sheets they could find and instead of falling into them, he only felt jagged rock at his back.

#i believe in francisco morales supremacy #frankie morales #francisco 'catfish' morales #francisco morales #triple frontier #fanfic #fanfiction #oc #ofc #original character #original female character #santiago 'pope' garcia #santiago garcia #waiting patiently for santi lovers to murder me tbh #okay but frankie was actually baby #okayloveyoubye #pedro pascal

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meeko-mar · 3 years

Text

Here's some pain;

Obviously this is way more fic fodder than an actual prediction of any sort,

What if, when Katsuki starts really going after Izuku do get through to him, and he gets Izuku pinned down...And Izuku still tries to get him to leave him alone.

What if he thinks that it will... drive Katsuki away to confess his feelings?

TW for feelings of internalized homophobia, and I guess perceived notions of homophobia?? Izuku is basically afraid of his feelings, as usual.

As part of the whole idea that he's suppressing, and sort of has internalized homophobia against his crush on Kacchan...So he assumes the logic that if he's afraid of his own feelings, Kacchan would probably be disgusted, enough to give up on him, to leave him. Or at least shatter his concentration enough for Izuku to escape. It will hurt, and it's his last resort, but if he wants Kacchan to keep his distance, he might have to just do it. Because he does love Kacchan and needs to keep him safe. (and he has tried literally everything else to get his classmates off him, to no avail)

So he screams it, right into Katsuki's face, because again, he's been pinned.

"Don't you get it?? I love you!! I always have!" He cries. "That's why I can't be near you!! My feelings are only going to get you killed!!" (he has related this to the rest of the class already, but this instance is specially for Katsuki, insert a mess of Izuku's emotions about Kacchan nearly dying for him once already)

But instead of disgust, and letting him go, Katsuki keeps a hold of him, and his eyes change. At first he is a bit blindsided, but quickly resumes his resolve.

"You...Asshole!!" Katsuki growls, also in Izuku's face. "So what, You want ME to have to Watch YOU fucking die instead cause you won't let anyone fucking help you?! Is that better? That's somehow ok?!"

"You fucking love me?? Bullshit!" (stay with me here)

"If you love me so fucking much, why don't you fucking act like it!! Why don't you think about how I feel watching you drive yourself into an early fucking grave like everyone who came before you!?"

His fists clench tighter around Izuku's tattered costume as tears start streaming down his own cheeks in the rain.

"What about how I feel about you, huh!? You think you're too good to wanna stick around long enough to find out??"

Izuku is obviously SHOOK(his ploy didn't work?? Kacchan isn't rejecting him?? Or is he?? What is happening here, he did not account for this response...)

Eventually they manage to wrangle him up. Take him home.

Katsuki hovers as he heals, making sure he doesn't bolt again. He seems to be looking at him with brand new eyes, though Izuku knows he's being considered a flight risk and thinks that might be the soul reason... but also there seems to be another new context to the look of those red eyes.

They have conversations, calmer, but they still skirt around *those feelings*, pretty awkwardly. The whole class can tell what's going on, too(I imagine that they at least heard the tail end of when Katsuki was yelling at Izuku about it)

Anyway, Izuku reluctantly...very reluctantly, agrees to work with UA and his friends. With many, many discussions that pretty much amount to Intervention and THERAPY talks with all involved(and after a lot of rest to get into a better mindset), he realizes how terribly they were worried about him, and are still worried. And eventually, that it's not fair to shut them all out when they are trained as much as he is and deciding for themselves to be involved.

He still doesn't like it, he is still terrified...He still believes/knows he's got to keep searching for AFO...but now accepts that his friends are going to try to help no matter what he says and accepts their help, accepts Katsuki's help. AM comes back and they make up, and AM ALSO tells him to make sure he's ok before taking care of everyone else again.

As Izuku slowly adapts to having a home base and becomes less of a flight-risk, Katsuki's still always lingering in the background, or acting by his side, like his right-hand man. I think once more paralleling the Second watching over Yoichi.

Izuku honestly can't tell what Katsuki actually thinks about the whole love confession, and he's actually afraid to ask and open that pandora's box again. So for a while he acts like it didn't happen. It all feels surreal and like it could have all been a panic-induced fever dream for all he knows.

But, unbeknownst to Izuku, the reason Katsuki isn't really saying anything is because he's actually kind of assessing his own feelings. He knows he cares deeply about Izuku... but is it love, is it THAT kind of love? Can he properly even return those feelings, does he deserve to?? And then again, he's ALSO questioning if Izuku was genuine about his love confession or if it was some sort of fake out to get him to leave him alone or shock him. And if it was, he'd feel really stupid and pretty hurt if he came to confess only to be rejected by Izuku. (which, might happen anyway, because Izuku's still terrified that his love is going to get Katsuki killed)

Anyway, he's read Izuku horribly wrong in the past before, so he wants to really make sure he's reading the signals right.

The kids in their class, while obviously occupied with patrols, the ongoing tension of AFO lurking out there, communicating with the Heroes and the International reinforcements, etc etc, are absolutely AGGRAVATED by these two dancing around the issue, and for not giving all of the tea-seeking kids of their group closure after that dramatic day where they had fought Izuku and the two of them had SCREAMED at each other about feelings. (again)

Like even Ochako tries to (gently) get the truth out of Izuku cause she knows how crazy it can be to have a crush when you're preoccupied with saving the world.

Maybe one night Katsuki and Izuku are out, I'm thinking high up where they can see UA grounds...Maybe the roof of the building? Perhaps doing a look-out patrol.

And they start TALKING.

Katsuki straight up starts the conversation because he knows, and we all know, that Izuku would be tight-lipped about it still. He just straight up says "So are you ever going to tell me what the hell you meant that day?"

Izuku FREEZES, but he decides he's probably avoided this for long enough...can't put it off forever.

Katsuki looks at Izuku and finds him looking so, so insecure, confused, and grimacing with a blush as he looked away.

"Oi, Deku." He startles Izuku, "Were you....Were you lying to me?"

Izuku looks so bewildered by Katsuki's new tone. There's a hint of insecurity in his voice

"Sorry--I'm sorry... I shouldn't have...I shouldn't have said it like that," Izuku fumbles with the words. "I used those words to try to push you away...I thought you'd hate me, and if I could get you to hate me, you'd let me go, and I was so scared, and it was a really really desperate strategy..." he's doing his trademark muttering by now as panic sets in.

Katsuki steps closer, eyes burning with intensity as he looms over him. "But was it a lie."

"It was the wrong moment, for the wrong reason...But..." Izuku sucks in breath and feels his heart hammering. Forces himself to meet his eyes with Katsuki's. "It wasn't a lie."

Katsuki's eyes widen, and they both kind of stall in the moment as it all settles in and the wind blows between them.

"I'm sorry," Izuku blurts, and blushes furiously, starting to turn away. "I shouldn't have pushed this on you," He's giving in to his instinct to bolt.

Katsuki catches him by the wrist. Izuku turns, and meets Katsuki's smoldering eyes again. "Don't you go running off without hearing what I think again, damn nerd. Last time it nearly got you killed."

He runs a hand through is hair and looks away, and by now is also blushing. "Dammit. I'm still trying to figure out how to be around you. I'm still trying to relearn how to be your friend...At least, a friend who's actually worth a shit."

Izuku nods quietly, they've also had their discussion on their past/Katsuki's apologies by now, so Izuku is understanding of where Katsuki's feelings are coming from.

"And...Deku, you dumbass, why would I hate you for that??" Katsuki glares. Izuku flinches a bit.

"Well I..." Izuku mumbles. "It's obvious, right? I thought you'd be grossed out... I'm not a...Neither one of us is..."

"Not what, a girl!?" Katsuki scoffs. "Since when does that fucking matter?? You don't decide what the Hell grosses me out, Deku. " Izuku looks at him, SHOCKED, but his eyes shining.

The hand that has him by the wrist squeezes just gently, and feels really warm.

Katsuki sighs, and looks downward. "As long as you're not lying to me about something like that. Don't ever fucking lie about this kinda shit."

He finally looks at Izuku again, eyes large and shining. His hand pulls Izuku forward just gently.

"I don't know...Fuck...Give me time...Okay? There's still a lot I gotta do before I can..." He cuts off, still blushing and wrestling with the emotions. but the remaining words 'before I can say it back' basically hang, unsaid, in the air between them.

"But you gotta promise me you won't go and get your stupid ass killed before I get the chance, got it, nerd?!" Katsuki adds hastily.

Izuku feels his eyes start to burn as the warmth wells up inside him, and a smile spreads across his glowing face. He laughs a bit, feeling the nerves bubbling over, paired with a sudden sort of relief. Kacchan doesn't hate him for what he said, and even might return the feeling. What a good feeling. The best thing in a while. If not all the more terrifying.

"Okay, Kacchan" Katsuki blushes at how stupidly cute it looks for the light to be returning to Izuku's eyes, and that dumb smile lighting up freckled cheeks...Something that the Katsuki of a few weeks ago would have given anything in the world to see, right there in front of him.

Feeling the urge to bring back their previous mood, Katsuki grunts some sort of quasi-insult, like, "Don't get any more weird, backwards ideas like that, Deku. I'll kick your ass."

Izuku laughs again, But then suddenly, everything is ruined; A massive jolt to his head strikes him and he suddenly withdraws his hands from Katsuki, clutching his head and doubling over.

Danger Sense.

"Deku! Hey!" Katsuki grips him by the shoulders(partially in panic that Izuku might fly off by instinct without second thought to a plan of any sort, like old habits) "What is it!?"

Katsuki's legitimately scared as Izuku sinks to his knees; Izuku's had Danger Sense pings while staying within the walls of UA to heal before(that they had to CONVINCE him not to pay attention to, or rather send one of the other students out in his stead), but nothing this obviously severe.

Little Brother, The voice rings in Izuku's head again, and his blood runs cold.

Gritting his teeth, Izuku's eyes then shoot open, and look with terror to the horizon;

"It's him...He's coming..."

---

sorry this was long. probably imperfect.

but I had to get it out of my head.

And then somewhere in or in the aftermath of the final battle they actually share a kiss and Katsuki says it back. It's nice.

I really think, Katsuki would probably legit have few hang-ups about being gay, his attitude is "don't fake who you are or how you feel", Mr. "can't even fake it to survive a kidnapping encounter with villains and would rather try to explode them all even though he's outnumbered". He'd be like, "what, you like boys? fine, then, what's the problem?! Like boys all you want!"

In this scenario I think he's way more concerned over if he's a worthy partner for Izuku, or if he's able to reciprocate, rather than "am I actually gay and if so what does that mean"

And as of 320, let me just say that Izuku is SO FRIGGIN SCARED, it breaks my heart. Like he's legit terrified and I think our suspicions that he was deeply deeply traumatized by the war arc are exactly on the money. the line "AFO is going to take you all away from me" while flashing back to the losses in the war including Kacchan....JUST SHOOT ME, IT MIGHT BE LESS PAINFUL.

Can't wait for the main UA kids(IE, his closer friend circles) to have their turn trying to wrangle Izuku up.

Anyway, thanks for reading, hope you liked this.

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lumosandnoxwriting · 4 years

Text

Let Me Save You - Sirius Black

Title: Let Me Save You Pairing: Sirius x Fem!Reader Summary: Y/N will do whatever it takes to save the ones she loves, even if it means joining the dark side. A/N: for the anon who wanted Sirius helping his girlfriend after she takes the dark mark! This is the first time I’ve written a full imagine for Sirius, so I hope it’s okay!! Feedback is always welcome!!! Tags: @feltondarling @pandaxnienke @raerae27

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Sirius’ first thought when he boards the Hogwarts Express with James after the Christmas holiday is Y/N. They’ve only been apart two weeks, but for him it feels like an eternity. It doesn’t help that most of his letters went unanswered, and when she did write her letters were short and uneventful.

Sirius and James race each other to their usual compartment, shoving each other as they run. James just barely cuts in front of Sirius as they reach the door and he grins up at his friend as he plops down next to Lily, slightly out of breath.

“Better luck next time, Pads,” James teases, throwing an arm around Lily.

Sirius flips James off as he collapses on the bench across from them. He looks around the compartment, frowning when he doesn’t spot Y/N. Marlene is seated between Lily and Wormtail, and Mooney is sitting a few spaces away from Sirius, dead asleep with his head leaning against the window. “Where’s Y/N?”

“I was just thinking the same thing,” Lily responds leaning into James’ side. “I figured she was with you guys.”

“You don’t think she’s not coming back, do you?” Marlene asks, a worried look on her face.

James rolls his eyes. “Why do you always have to be so dramatic, Mar? Maybe she’s in the loo or got caught up talking to someone. I’m sure she’ll be here any minute.”

Marlene reaches behind Lily to smack James upside the head. “Shove it, Potter. I’m being serious.” Marlene leans in and drops her voice to a whisper. “We all know what her family is like. Things with the war have only been getting worse. Maybe they’re not letting her come back.”

“I hate to admit it but what if Marlene is right?” Lily asks, her face contorting into the same worried look that’s on Marlene’s. “She didn’t return any of the letters I sent over break, and Remus said he didn’t hear from her either.”

James nudges Sirius’ leg with his foot. “You wrote to her a bunch, Pads. You get anything back?”

Sirius nods lamely. “One or two letters, if you could even call them that. She didn’t say much in either of them. Mainly just bullshit pleasantries.” Sirius runs his hand through his hair and closes his eyes, leaning back into his seat.

He’s known Y/N since he was a little boy, her family is part of the Sacred 28 as well, and their parents have been friends since they were kids. Even though they spent quite a bit of time together growing up, Sirius and Y/N only truly became friends when they both started at Hogwarts. Like him, she was the first in her family to be sorted into Gryffindor and they quickly bonded over being the family disappointment. They started dating just before the beginning of their 5th year, and now halfway through 7th year Sirius is sure that Y/N is going to be the woman he marries.

“She seemed fine on the train ride home at the end of term last year,” Wormtail adds. “Something must have happened during the break.”

Sirius’ eyes snap open as the train starts to move. “I can’t just sit here. I’m gonna go see if I can find her.”

Before anyone can stop him Sirius is out of the compartment, frantically heading down the hall.

“Where the hell were you?” Sirius asks as he engulfs Y/N in a hug. They’ve all just stumbled into the Great Hall worried about their missing friend, only to find her already sitting at the Gryffindor table.

Y/N returns Sirius’ hug lamely before pulling him down beside her. “Sorry, love. I got to the train late so I just sat in the first compartment I could find.”

Sirius watches her for a few moments as his arm winds around her waist. He can tell that she’s lying, but he’s not sure exactly why. Wormtail was right on the train, she’d been acting fine all term, and had been joking around with Sirius and everyone else on the train back to Kings Cross. Something must have happened at home, that’s the only way to explain her distant behavior. Y/N had cut herself off from all of them over the break, and even now as she talks with Lily Sirius can see that her smile isn’t genuine, and there’s no light behind her eyes.

“What’s wrong with you?” Sirius whispers in her ear when Lily turns her attention towards something Remus has said.

“Nothing, Sirius. I’m fine,” Y/N responds, trying to sound genuine. But in reality, she’s dying on the inside.

Spending time at home with her family is mentally and emotionally draining, and after the events that went down over Christmas Y/N just doesn’t feel like herself anymore. But she has to put on a fake smile, for her sake and her friends. They can’t know what really happened over the break, and if she wants to keep them safe she has no choice but to start slowly pulling away from those she loves most, Sirius included.

It’s no secret to anybody, especially her friends, that Y/N’s family are willing to do anything to keep their money and their power. Even though she’s well and truly the black sheep of the family, they expect the same things out of her. There’s a war brewing in the Wizarding World, and up until Christmas break Y/N and her family had been on opposite sides of it. But Y/N would do anything to protect the people she loves, and so on Christmas Eve Y/N stood in the middle of her family’s living room and took the Dark Mark.

The Mark burns with pain every time she thinks about it, but Y/N knows she deserves it. Whether she truly believes in Voldemort’s mission or not, she’s now one of his slaves. She’d done it to protect her younger brother, who was supposed to be the one taking the Mark. But he’s barely 15, and Y/N couldn’t stand there and watch her parents ruin his life. She also did it to protect Lily, her sweet Muggleborn best friend who was already on Voldemort’s radar as a target. And she did it to protect Sirius, who had already been cast from his home and no longer afforded the same protections from Voldemort’s torture as the rest of the Black family.

If taking the Dark Mark is what it takes to save her friends’ lives, then she’d do it over and over again.

“If you’re sure,” Sirius murmurs, before pulling Y/N into a deep kiss. She’s his whole entire world, and he’s willing to wait for her to be ready to open up to him. “I love you. You know that, right?”

Y/N nods and lets her hands tangle in his hair for a brief moment. “Of course, Sirius. I love you too. More than you’ll ever know.”

It starts off slowly. Y/N knows the only way to truly keep all of her friends safe is to keep her distance. But just immediately cutting them off would be too obvious. So she starts by heading to breakfast early, so by the time all of her friends are awake and heading to the Great Hall, she’s already on her way to the first lesson of the day. The first few times Sirius questions her, since normally Y/N likes to sleep in until the last possible second. But she brushed his concerns away, simply stating that she never gets to sleep in at home, and she’s gotten used to rising early. Everyone seems a little confused, but they accept her explanation anyway.

Next she moves her seat in all of her classes, so she’s no longer sitting by her friends. They don’t all have every class together, so it takes them all a while to figure it out. Lily confronts Y/N about it during lunch after Potions, when she’d completely ignored Lily and sat next to Severus of all people. Again, Y/N had tried to brush off their concerns casually. Her parents had gotten on her about her grades during break and sitting with her friends would only distract her.

Then she stops hanging out in the common room. Whenever there’s downtime everyone is usually piled up in front of the fire, messing around or playing games. But Y/N is always absent. She either hides away in her dorm room with a book or is in a dark corner of the library doing schoolwork. The first half dozen times it happens one of her friends always seeks her out, usually Sirius or Lily, and they try and coax her back to the common room. But she always denies their offer, either blaming it on her large amount of schoolwork to prep for NEWTS or feigning some kind of illness. Eventually they stop trying, no matter how much it pains them to do so.

The final straw is when Y/N stops sitting with her friends at all. They come down for dinner one night and find that she’s not sitting at their usual spot at the Gryffindor table. Instead she’s at the far end of the table, sandwiched between a group of first years and a group of fourth years. No matter how hard they try no one can get her to come sit with them, even Sirius’ best puppy dog eyes, which can make even Lily melt.

“So, what are we going to do about her?” Remus asks one night over dinner. Y/N has just left the Great Hall, walking by them without even sparring any one a glance.

“She’s being a proper bitch, I don’t know why we need to do anything. She doesn’t want us to be friends with her anymore? Fuck her then,” Marlene sneers, clearly using anger to cover up the hurt she’s feeling.

Lily throws her arm around Marlene’s shoulder, pulling her in tightly. “It’s okay, Mar. I miss her too.” She turns to Sirius then. “Got any ideas?”

Sirius shrugs. “She doesn’t even look at me anymore. Not sitting with us in class or choosing not to hang out with us is one thing, but the silent treatment? It’s killing me. Something must have happened during break and she won’t talk about it.”

“Have you talked to your brother lately?” James asks suddenly.

“Regulus? No, why?” Sirius asks, his tone lit with confusion.

“I wasn’t going to say anything, but I’ve seen him and Y/N talking in the halls a few times while doing Head Boy stuff after curfew. Snivellous was there once or twice too. Seemed like they were talking about something serious, and once they’d spot me they’d all run off.”

Sirius frowns. “So she can talk to that greaseball and my brother but not talk to me?”

Remus sighs. “I think this is far worse than any of us have imagined.” When everyone turns to look at him he continues. “We know Snape has a pension for Dark Arts, and it’s likely that Sirius’ family has aligned themselves with You-Know-Who, right? Well who’s family is close friends with the most ancient and noble house of Black?” He lets the question hang in the air for a moment, but no one has to answer, they all know who it is. “Sirius, you suspected that your parents had made Regulus take the Dark Mark over the summer, after you ran away. What do you think are the odds that Y/N’s family have forced her to take it as well?”

Lily gasps and covers her mouth with her hand. “That makes sense. As much as I hate to admit it, it makes sense. I mean of all the people to sit next to in Potions she sat next to Snape. That never made sense to me, she knows how vile he is, the vile things he’s said about me. But I’d bet all the money in the world that Snape has taken the Mark as well and that’s why she’s talking to him and Regulus.”

“Alright, that’s it,” Sirius says, standing up. “I can’t just sit here and theorize about what might be happening. I’m going to go find Y/N and make her talk to me. Whether she’s taken the Dark Mark or not, something is wrong, and I can’t just watch her suffer.”

When the door to the dorm creeps open, Y/N figures it’s Alice or Mary coming to grab something quickly. Lily and Marlene stopped checking up on her ages ago. So she’s surprised when Sirius walks into their dorm. He looks like a mixture of concerned and angry, and it makes Y/N’s chest aches.

“What?” she asks coldly, turning her attention back to her book.

Sirius doesn’t say anything at first, choosing to watch Y/N as he comes over and sits on the edge of her bed. “We need to talk.”

“Didn’t you get the hint? I don’t want to talk to you.” Y/N hates having to be like this with Sirius. He’s always been the person she trusted most in this world, but now she has to let him go. As painful as it is for the both of them.

Sirius crosses his arms over his chest. “I don’t care about what you want. You’re in pain, Y/N. And you can’t lie your way out of it. I know you too well. I can see it in your eyes. Please just stop pushing me away so I can help you.”

Y/N slams her book shut and puts it down on the bed. “It’s too late for you to help me, okay? So just give it a rest. It’s in everyone’s best interest to just stop thinking about me and stop caring about me, okay?”

Sirius watches Y/N storm towards the door and he reaches out, grabbing her forearm. She immediately winces and tears her arm from his grasp. Sirius’ eyes widen and fear washes over him. “You have it, don’t you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Y/N responds lamely, looking down at her hands.

Sirius clears his throat. “The Dark Mark. It’s on your forearm, isn’t it?”

Y/N shakes her head and pushes past Sirius and heads back towards your bed. “You’re out of your mind, Sirius. Now just leave me alone please.”

“Not until you show me your arm, Y/N,” Sirius demands firmly. He already knows what he’ll see when she finally rolls her sleeve up, but he needs to see it. He needs to know that this is really happening.

Y/N sniffles as she turns to face Sirius. At some point she’d started crying, but she’s not entirely sure when. She rips the sleeve of her shirt up to her elbow and holds her arm out so Sirius can see the Mark on her skin. “There! Are you happy? I’m a dirty, rotten death eater. Is that enough to finally get you to leave me the fuck alone?”

“Baby,” Sirius coos, taking a step towards her. “How did this happen, please, Y/N. I love you. This doesn’t make any sense. Talk to me, please.” Sirius isn’t even sure if what he’s saying is making sense, but his mind is going too fast to string a coherent thought together. This was never supposed to happen to them. Sirius ran away from his family to avoid this fate, he let himself be disowned so he and Y/N would have a chance at a long, happy life together. And the sight of that Mark on her arm has suddenly ripped those dreams right from under him.

Y/N collapses onto her bed, holding her head in her hands. “I didn’t want it to happen. You have to believe me, Sirius. I’ve hated myself every single day since I took this fucking thing.”

Sirius sits down next to Y/N and wraps his arms around her, bringing her to his chest. “I know, baby. I know,” he soothes, starting to stroke her hair. “Let me in, please. I can’t see you hurting like this anymore.”

“They were gonna make him do it. Michael,” Y/N starts. “He’s barely even 15, I couldn’t let him. He looked so scared when they told him, like he was going to cry. I had to protect him Sirius, I couldn’t let them ruin him. So, I told them I would do it.”

Sirius leans down and presses a kiss to the top of her head. “Then why not just say that to us? Y/N we all care about you. We love you. You can tell us anything. We’d never be mad. I’d never be mad.”

“Because, Sirius. This isn’t just some game or joke. I’m his slave now, I’m at his every beck and call. Being around me is dangerous, especially for you and Lily. He has information on muggleborns, Sirius. Like files and files about people. He knows pretty much everything you can about Lily. Being friends with her gives him a direct connection to her and I can’t let that happen. And you. God it would kill me if you got hurt because of me. I love you, Sirius. More than I love anything in this world.”

Sirius grabs Y/N’s face in his hands and tilts her head up so he can kiss her slowly and passionately, trying to convey every feeling he has for her through this one kiss. “Runaway with me,” he whispers when their kiss breaks.

“What?” Y/N asks, blinking up at him.

“Let’s go to Dumbledore. If anyone can help you out of this mess it’s him. He’ll be able to hide us away somewhere, until it’s safe.” Sirius hugs Y/N tightly. “I love you, Y/N. There’s no one else in the world who will ever make me feel like this. You’re the person I’m supposed to marry and have kids with. Grow old with. You’ve already saved me, now let me save you.”

Y/N kisses Sirius. “I love you too. There’s no me without you.”

Y/N lets Sirius drag her from her dorm and to Dumbledore’s office. There’s no guarantee that he’ll say yes, or that hiding will work. But with Sirius by her side, Y/N knows that everything will work out in the end.

#sirius black #Sirius Black imagine #sb #marauder #Sirius Black fanfiction

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littledevil-jpeg · 3 years

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Okay, so last post I was giving Lucifer 5B some credit for getting me interested and intrigued about a shitty character, so, as all things should be balanced, here comes the other side of the question. I'll say right off the bat that Lucifer was never a show I took seriously, all at once because of the tone, the way they chose to develop and delve into the themes, the monster-of-the-week format (though also done in spn, there it's redeemed by the darker tone and more subtle theme-development. Obviously, this is S1-S5 I'm talking about) and again the overall way this world works. I've been known to accuse Cobra Kai and even Breaking Bad for coincidence-bending, but they don't even come close to the level of Lucifer here. Then, of course, there's how easy everything is, like a bloody sled on ice: drugs - no problem, kill someone - no problem, infiltrate a mafia group - no fooking problem. How? Well, glaze over that, it's not that important. Except it is. Remember how in that same Breaking Bad Walter's team spent considerable chunks of the show planning, hiding evidence, preparing, measuring little details, diligently covering up their tracks. And they were only involved in a measly drug manufacturing business. Imagine the shit Lucifer runs, with crime bosses, drugs, demons and prostitutes piling out of his front door. Obviously it's a show about angels and demons, and the realism isn't the focus of the program, but still, these things matter. There's always a convenience to it. Like, oh, you need to infiltrate the Russian mafia or some shit? Don't worry, I know a guy - and poof, problem gone. That's not even to mention the universe bending out of shape all around Lucifer, everyone (Chloe especially) putting up with his humiliating bullshit, the fact that he would be kicked out the police in anything even remotely resembling real life, that the mc's get away with almost everything, the unrealistic dialogue that no human irl ever speaks, the second-hand embarrassment, the cheesy "morale" speeches, the dull, predictable cases that are all done by the same formula... and more. So okay, there's a lot, a lot, of problems with this show. Which is why no one really takes it that seriously, we all know it's kind of trashy. But "kind of trashy" is one thing. Now, when season 5 introduces a genuine "evil twin" that we're meant to take with even a bit of seriousness, in the footsteps of such chef d'oeuvres as Dispicable Me 3, when that twin is the most caricature-like villain in recent history, when the allmighty is a buffoon with half a brain, forget omniscient, and isn't even in-line with the stuff he's done before, when one of the main cast is offed as though mid-sentense, with no lead-up, no foreshadowing, no preamble, like a toss of a dice, when the main character is on a race to become God himself, and his love interested Mrs God, and when, oh, Jesus fucking Christ, just stop already! I truly wonder if the writer's room a big dart board with all these drunk-ass ideas stuck onto it, and they blind throw to make the next season. It's finally hitting me now, as I'm writing this, what on god's green earth I watched yesterday.

Why does Lucifer need to become God? Why does a war in Heaven even have to be introduced? Why not focus of the more intricate inter-personal conflicts on Earth, on the characters and their mentalities, on those meaningful arcs that hold actual importance, and emotion, and down-to-earth (lol), well, meaning again. Why do we need a heavenly war? Why does Lucifer need the approval of the angels, when the moral seems to be that he makes himself who he is, not his status, not his people, not his past and not the Silver City (an excellent moral, by the way, so credit where it's due. This self-actualisation business is the second best thing in the whole show)? I get that this is why the majority vote doesn't work, but then what does work? Are they ment to self-actualise into becoming God? Now, I'm aware it's left uncertain whether Luci really is God, so I won't go there for now, but then we have the issue of his resurrection. Was it a reward for self-sacrifice? That wouldn't fit so well, considering all the previous sacrifices that were much more impressive than this one. And what's the philosophy behind that - he's acting out of love? But to what end, if by dying he practically fucked all the other people on Earth, including the very same Chloe he just brough back down? Are these really the qualities for a God to have?

Or did he once again self-actualise, but this time he actualised himself to life? That would truly be a stake-killer. I saw a theory that he finally saw himself as worthy of Heaven, which doesn't quite link to coming back to life. Well, these are perhaps, once again, speculations, and maybe this will be cleared up next season. As for Lucifer's God status, it's a shitty move on the writers' part. Not only was the execution rushed, but thematically, again, Lucifer becoming God to feel worthy of Chloe is nonsense. From a plot and theme standpoint, why does this need to happen? This Godly status holds no meaning, no emotional worth, it's not fullfilling, not symbolic of anything fitting other than that same old "bad to good" and I guess the irony of the Devil becoming God, but the irony is an empty one if it has no real meaning. Which is the case. The whole thing is empty of substance, and I don't know why they went there. You know, it's hollow anyway, not least because Lucifer really doesn't deserve it. Even this season, he is nothing but a child - he acts and thinks like a child, he unchangeably does the same "projecting" bs from season to season to season with no actual sign of emotional maturity other than that in the words of other characters. But you can say he's different all you want, it's not gonna work if the subtle signs of his change aren't there. Say, imagine if Endeavor kept running his mouth about atonement, but kept dutifully abusing his kids - this is that. And yeah, Lucifer loves Chloe in his own way, cares about her, and even comes out of his self-absorbed little world for her, which by the way bugged me about their uneven relationship since season 1 (you know, treating her like shit with a flimsy excuse and then "making up" for it with a grand gesture of sacrifice or a round of angsty suffering. Time after time, every time.)

And finally, of course, there's the issue of how inconsiderate it is to Chloe for him to become God. I mean, it's dead obvious no relationship will be possible there, not without becoming even more unhealthy than it already seems. Themathic significance and meaning aside, even then, even in-universe, it's a shitty thing Lucifer does, again, for himself. So that he feels worthy of Chloe. What she feels, once he's made it his goal to do something, essentially doesn't matter anymore. And the plot fascilitates this splendidly, I mean, she always forgives him without fault like a well-oiled machine. Always, whatever he does, and it's gotten old a long time ago. We know Lucifer can do anything, anything at all, and he will be forgiven - by Chloe, by Maze, by Dan, by Linda, by Amenadiel, by anyone that he needs to forgive him. You'll be lucky if they don't do it the same episode, and extraordinarily lucky if it takes them three or four.

There are many other things to discuss this season, like Dan's ridiculously badly written death, Chloe's whole character stagnation, the, khm, the musical episode, the saturaday morning cartoon villain problem, the fact that Michael manages to descieve an omniscient being, and God himself. I might do those separately, might not, we'll see, as those aren't nearly as interesting to dissect as the above.

Aaaand, anyway, if he is now God, I strongly suspect they'll play the angle of "even though he's God, he stills feels shitty, as true self-love/worth comes from elsewhere" and the usual thing.

#lucifer 5b #lucifer season five #lucifer season 5 #lucifer season six #lucifer #michael demiurgos #michael #lucifans #lucifer netflix #lucifer 5x16 #lucifer 5a #lucifer x chloe #chloe deserves better #chloe decker

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koushisatori · 4 years

Text

All you have to do is ask

It’s me again! This isn’t beta-read yet, but I’ll do so tomorrow after lunch!! But i need to get this out of my drafts asap and...well, here you go!! Edit: 16.11.,13:10: I beta’ed it now and weeded out dumb mistakes (and made new ones, probably ) ! ♡ ～('▽^人)

oikawa x f!reader

genre: small bit of angst, fluff

warnings: someone kinda trying to force themselves onto you??

word count: 3.4k

note: this was supposed to be a drabble, now look at what it turned out to be </3</blockquote>

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Tooru was sure that he had saved at least thousands of people in his last life to deserve you liking him back

you didn’t play ‘’unreachable’’ but he had to out in some work for you

especially with his fan club being all over him all the damn time,

but you never gave him any reason to doubt your intentions with him which is why he took wooing you very seriously

both of you actually spend a lot of time by just talking and getting to know each other due to that

for example: he liked taking you on cute little and spontaneous dates on volleyball-free afternoons and would then walk you home after

or on lunch breaks that you (at first) spend with him alone

(sometimes he waits at your classroom door to pick you up if it’s manageable for him - aka if he’s not swarmed by people with confession letters)

later you both are consequently joined by Iwa, Mattsun, and Makki

the last two loved teasing him with their ‘fun facts for lunch’

’’(Y/N)?’’ you hear Makki sing even before you can see any of the other three. next to you, Tooru groans in advance

’’Did you know that ‘Kawa can reach a g’’ as soon as he’s eye to eye with an insect larger than your pinky finger?’’ the strawberry haired boy says, mattsun next to him wagging his eyebrows

the professional that you are easily suppresses a grin, you merely chuckle amused

’’Who isn’t afraid of bugs larger than that? There are way smaller things that could kill you!’’ you exclaim with wide eyes ‘’...and I’ll gladly channel all my bravery and…’’ you look around before leaning forward, the two boys following your example, intrigued by the secretive expression on your face ‘’…annihilate everything and everyone that might scare Tooru or make fun of hi’’ – ‘’WOAH, (Y/N)-‘’

they had tried to flirt with you just to fuck with Oikawa (so with no real intention) but they had to realize rather quickly that this was a hopeless task – you couldn’t tell that people were flirting with you unless they spelled it out

(literally that one meme; you: ’’were you flirting with me, Tooru?’’ Tooru: did for the past half-year, thanks for noticing tho <3’’)

Don’t worry you know the setter well enough by now to be able to tell when he does, and really - only Tooru’s flirting matters to you

it also makes you blush furiously, now that you truly get it, but we’re not talking about that

Iwaizumi took you to the side one day while you were waiting for Oikawa to finish his training

he asked you sternly if you were sure that you would be able to handle days, weekends, and sometimes weeks in which Tooru would unintentionally prioritize Volleyball over you

said, that you had to find a balance on the fine line that was leaving him be with his training and stopping him from overexertion (and really ruining his knee)

after assuring that yeah, you would because you genuinely liked him, volleyball obsession and all, and that wanted to be with him, Iwa let go of any rest reservations he had had against you and joined the general teasing

Okay, moving on

as soon as his and your interest in each other became clear, you kept a clear distance from other males (and females, ‘yer that desired, as you should btw)

if they pushed it, you unmistakable stated that you’re not interested in other advances because you liked someone

Like??? Oikawa really just had to say the magic words at this point, you'd say yes in an instant

for god's sake tf is he waiting for?!!

despite you being obvious with your interest in the setter and disinterest in everyone else regarding this you constantly get approached by admirers

some people need it spelled out that you mean what you say, honestly

A thing Tooru liked so much about you was your kindness, but it also was the reason that - as already said - some people still thought they might have a chance

it’s not your fault, your natural charm is like...the 8th wonder of the world!!

due to your impeccable behavior and perfect grades, you obviously were the teachers’ favorite student to pick to help out other students

cue to: oh, look!! you're chosen again *sigh*

up until now, the tutoring never bugged Tooru too much, it was more like an itch he couldn’t scratch

but usually, they weren’t after school (giving up your lunch break, you’re a hero) and never awoke any rumors

your latest ’student’ seemed to think that he was close to ’’winning you over’’, though, that you were secretly but undeniably head over heels for him by now

’’I’ve heard that he plans on asking (Y/N) out today!’’ - ‘’No way! Even with Oikawa-Senpai obviously being interested in her?’’ - ‘’Yes!’’ - ‘’Death wish~’’

Tooru had to hear it in between classes and while he trusted you (and the last comment made him chuckle a bit), this was not the case for that guy

You: go home after class, Tooru, I need to give another tutoring session :(

of course, he wanted to hear none of that, especially with the hushed words fresh in his mind

meanwhile, you vividly imagined his annoyed expression reading it and the cute little huffing sound; you couldn’t help but smile softly to yourself </3

Tooru Σ>―(〃°ω°〃)♡→: I’ll wait for you, (Y/N)-chan, Iwa-chan and me wanted to try out something anyway (^.~)☆

Tooru Σ>―(〃°ω°〃)♡→: also, I waited to try out the sweets at the patisserie for too long to not eat my weight in cake twice today, so you better hurry if you want me to share with you

His answer clearly stating: I will wait for you, don’t take too long

Okay, maybe he was a bit jealous

that this guy gets a reward – another hour with you alone - for being stupid ?? it obviously fed into a crazy fantasy and it was unfair

Oikawa reminded himself that he had no reason to be jealous, especially since he had yet to ask you out and make it official

(it had to be perfect and cute just like you, okay? no rom-com was able to prepare him for the real thing!!)

training – for the first time in years – dragged on endlessly

his mind kept wandering, and after the first 5 volleyballs to the head, courtesy of a very annoyed Iwaizumi, said one took matters into his own hands dragging his sulking best friend out of the gym

‘’If you’re jealous, Shittykawa, then fucking confess already.’’ Iwaizumi says with his no-bullshit voice, letting go of Tooru's jacket.

While it was obvious that Oikawa is, in fact, super fucking jealous, he chuckles and puts on an easy smile. ‘’Silly Iwa-chan! I’m not- OUCH!’’ The brunet yelps, holding the back of his head and looking at his childhood friend with a pout.

‘’First of all, fuck you, Shittykawa, for thinking I’m falling for your dumb act.’’ The ace growls, narrowing his eyes. ’’(Y/N) is a beautiful girl. Of course, Extras try to get close to and confess to her, you morron.’’ The spiky-haired let’s out a tsk-sound, seeing Tooru’s wide eyes. ‘’I at least hope you are aware that she is waiting for you to ask her out officially, right? It’s literally on you to put your foot over the line between a girl friend and your girlfriend. But if you take too long, she’ll eventually be fed up with waiting…so why in hell are you stalling?’’ Iwaizumi huffs, crossing his buff arms over his chest.

With a shrug, Oikawa looks up to the sky before his gaze travels down to settle on his feet, shuffling from side to side. ‘’I’m scared that making it official will do more harm than good, Hajime. She never said something else but…is she really fine with me forgetting basic things over Volleyball? Or will she leave me after a while like my last girlfriend? Because she realized Damn, he’s really into volleyball. I also don’t want to hurt (Y/N) by asking her to be mine and then…being me and screw everything up again.’’ Tooru whispers quietly, trying to hide the vulnerability while intentionally avoiding his best friends eyes.

‘’You’re dumb, Tooru.’’

Well…that’s not what he was expecting Iwaizumi to do or say. A punch against his upper arm or chest maybe, or a kick to the shin – always with love but still painful enough to get the message across. But not a soft-voiced statement paired with a sigh.

‘’I hate...’’ Iwaizumi says, waving his hand up and down. ‘’...why do I have to do...the emotionally charged pep talk.’’ He grumbles, pulling his hand over his face before he looks up directly into Oikawa’s insecure but also curious eyes.

’’You might not be aware of it, but things already are different compared to last time. (Y/N) does not just accept your passion, but supports you fully. With the amount of time she spends on the bench doing her homework and cheering for everyone when we do training's matches, while remembering our schedules and matches, she’s practically an inofficial second manager. By any means, she’s a perfect match to your madness, it’s scary.’’ he jokes, thinking of all the small things you do for his best friend that - in the end - make him trust you even more.

‘’But…what might be more important to you right now is that you’re not behaving like last time as well. You still are so freaking stupid and overexert yourself…but you check up on her whenever you take a water break. If it's asking in person or sending her a message. You make sure to have at least two free afternoons where you spend time with each other, which is two days more than you did last time by the way. You have that stupidly dopey smile on your face when you see Y/N. I mean…nothing ever breaks your focus after you set foot on the field and yet here we are, standing outside because all you do is mope around instead of playing!’’ The spiky-haired player huffs.

After a moment of silence, Tooru cries out an ‘’Iwa-chan, you do love me!’’ while draping himself over his best friend. ‘’Oi, Trashykawa!’’ the other protests with a fake angry voice, yet hugging the other back for a second before he pushes him off nonetheless.

‘’Okay, now move your ass, the pinning you two are doing is a pain to witness.’’ Iwa says accusatory before going back into the gym, leaving Oikawa to make a decision.

Hurrying through the gym to the changing rooms, Tooru nearly makes it out unseen until Yahaba is half asking, half yelling from the other side of the hall. ‘’Oikawa-san, where are you going?’’

With a wide grin and his signature peace sign (it’s for his own emotional support here, okay, his nerves are killing him), the Captain turns around to announce ‘’I’m finally getting myself a girlfriend!’’ before he quickly leaves his hollering teammates.

(Oikawa was quite sure to hear Mattsun yell something like ‘All of you! Pay up!’ and Kyoutani muttering an ‘I’m leaving.’ somewhere in his vicinity.)

5 Minutes later, the brunet looks through all the classrooms in the hallway you should be in, teaching a good for nothing that was adamant about trying to steal you away from him. Tsk.

Right after turning around the corner, Tooru hears a dull thud, followed up by a soft gasp that made his insides churn uncomfortably. That it’s immediately followed by a low, deep voice doesn’t help at all with calming Oikawas heart beat. He slowly creeps closer to the slightly ajar door to the room with the treacherous sounds. The soft whimper following was unmistakably you, and his heart suddenly felt like it was on the verge of breaking for a second.

Should he turn around and leave? Perhaps Iwaizumi was right with you being tired of waiting for him. Maybe you were tired and accepted someone else?

Luckily, a gruff inner voice growls – surprisingly sounding like his best friend – and mentally slaps him. You never gave him a reason to doubt your affection! And if he had to fight for your affection then so it be! Also, you wouldn’t engage in something inappropriate out in public. There was a 99,9% chance of him misinterpreting everything due to his own insecurities, and you being uncomfrotable right now. Unacceptable.

With his resolve strengthened again, the setter finally takes the last steps over to the door. Standing there, he finally could understand the words being spoken. Oikawa suddenly had a presentiment of what was happening inside.

Meanwhile, you were struggling unceasingly. ’’It…it is flattering that you…that you like me, honestly!! And…there are surely many other girls that would feel honored to be confessed to by you, but I like someone else, I’m sorry. Please, accept my choice!’’ you say, damming your voice for shaking and underminding your own statement.

’’Ah, ah, pretty girl, it’s not nice to lie.’’ the guy in front of you chuckles. The usage of such a pet name makes you cringe in disgust. There’s only one person allowed to give you tese kind of names. ‘’I know you like me, too. You with your cute little blush when you talk to me and lingering soft touches-‘’

A scandalized sound of protest leaves your lips. You were just short of stomping your foot. ’’I did no such thing! I-’’ But as before, your words meet a seemingly deaf ear.

’’I will be the best boyfriend a pretty girl like you could ever wish for.’’ Moving closer, the guy slowly backs you up until you meet the chalkboard behind you. ’’Come on, give in.’’ He murmurs, hitting his hand against the board next to your head, which forces a scared whimper out of you. ‘’I’m all you need.’’

Stepping into the room, Tooru couldn’t believe his eyes and ears,. The blood in his veins slowly but surely starts to boil.

’’Please, let me leave! I told you, I am not interested. I am with-’’ You plea softly, one hand pressed against the guys’ chest to stop him from coming any closer, – did he really try to kabedon you against the chalkboard? - while your other was hidden from his view. Even though you were trying your best, the distance between the two of you was insultingly sparse, the guy making up for the lack bodily closeness in general by leaning forward enough for your faces to be separated by only a few inches. You could probably feel his breath on your face. Tooru really felt like punching the guy.

’’What’s so special about the pretty boy anyway? He has many girls running after him to choose from, let me have you. I’ll treat you better! I have so much free time and I would spend all of it on you. Let me take you out for a coffee, pretty girl, or dinner. Hm? I’ll prove my words directly. I mean…he hasn’t even asked you out! It’s unfair how he is keeping you on the back burner, stringing you along. To you…’’ suddenly the boy moves closer, lowering his voice to a sultry murmur ‘’…and to m-‘’

’’That’s enough.’’ Oikawa says, his tone icy, sending shivers down the other male's spine. You on the other hand…

’’Tooru…’’ you whisper, relief evident, as you watch him move closer to you as fast as humanly possible. Yet you still aren’t able to reach out. ’’Please, Tooru…’’

Upon hearing your soft whimper, his brown eyes follow yours to your other hand, realizing that said one is still in the firm grip of the guys' right. At that a clearly dangerous growl leaves the usually sweet brunet. ‘’If you don’t let go of her in the next two seconds and leave her be for good in 5, I can and will break your arm.’’ Oikawa threatens with an overly sweet, yet terrifying smile, wrapping his own hands around the guy's wrist, blunt nails pressing painfully into the sensitive flesh on the inside.

With a hiss, the guy finally pulls back his hand. It allows you to seek shelter behind the tall setters back. Your fingers tightly hold onto his shirt while you peek at the other from behind him. ’’Aww, come on, pretty boy,…’’ he says, voice provoking, the words clearly meant to degrade Oikawa. ’’…let me have some fun with sweets over there, and when I’m done you can have her all to yourself.’’ To top of his words, he winks at you.

With the way he had tensed up the first moment, you half expect Tooru to suit the action to the word, and really break his arm...instead, Oikawa looks the other dead in the eye, while saying ’’Hey, (Y/N)-chan,? There’s that really sickening wretched smell in here, it’s kind of painful. I’d like to take you somewhere nice, will you get your things?’’

You hastily nod and do as you are told while Tooru continues to stare the other down, keeping his attention away from you and using the slighty height difference to his advantage. The moment you reach him, Oikawa finally lets go of the others wrist, grabbing yours instead. You tug him to the door as quick as possible, when suddenly life found its way back into the other.

‘’Hey, what did you mean?’’ he asks, half angry, half clueless. Unable to accept his loss.

Oikawa turns back one last time, a smirk settling on his lips while his eyes twinkle with amusement. ‘’I said, that a mouth breather as pitiful as you are is a disgrace to be in the vicinity of someone as amazing as her.’’ And with that, you both finally leave.

(Y/N)-chan…are you alright?’’ Tooru asks once you left the school grounds. His thumb drawing little circles on the back of your hand.

You nod before you eventually look up, worrying your lip. ’’Thank you. I…I was really scared. Even though I'm sure that he would have done something…something…’’ you swallow down the nasty words, shuddering slightly. ’’I’m glad you came to save me, Tooru.’’ You finally settle on, pink coloring your cheeks. Beckoning him to lean down a bit by waggling your finger, you softly craddle his face and press a kiss to his cheek. The blush becoming more intense now with every passing moment.

Before you can pull back your hands, though, his had already found purchase on yours, keeping them - and you - in place. Everything about this moment felt right to him. Maybe now was the right time. ’’Pretty girl...’’ he murmurs, assessing your reaction. (He notes, pleased, that your blush intensifies, and your smile turns all giddy. He needs you to forget about that douchebag calling you that. He would repeat it until all you remembered was his voice using it.) ‘’I kind of really, really, really want to kiss you right now…’’ He whispers, the warmth of his cheeks telling him that he was most likely sporting a blush similar to yours. ’’…Will you be mine? Will you allow me to hold your hand? To kiss you silly? To steal bites of your food and make up for it with compliments and as many cuddles as you wish? Will you allow me to brag about you being my girlfriend and force you to wear my jersey to all my matches now and in the future?’’ His eyes didn’t leave yours for a second. He enjoyed watching yours light up as if he had just hung the stars in the night sky, or as if he had made you the best present a girl could wish for.

’’Tooru…I thought you’d never ask…’’ you say with a smile so affectionate that it makes him feel mushy and warm all over. And then he finally closes the gap.

The moment your lips meet for their first kiss is better than anything he had ever imagined. It isn’t a firework exploding, nor an unbalanced fight of passion and dominance. Instead, it’s gentle. A loving flow and exchange, wrapping you both in a blanket of warmth. A bubble just for the two of you. He understood what Iwaizumi meant with different, because – even though this relationship just started – he knows, that with you he had found a completely new world of comfort and love. Being with you already felt like coming home.

#nearly wrote kidney instead of kindness #oh (y/n) baby your kidneys turn me on so bad #wtf tooru!?#sfdhdjk sorry #anyway #Haikyuu imagines #haikyu headcanons #haikyuu x reader #aoba josai x reader #oikawa x reader #oikawa x you #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#did i use the word kabedon a verb? yep i did #is this correct? idk idc #i think this is to be categorized as dialogue heavy <3 #realized i made a grammatical mistake in the tags #ultimate certificate for dumbness <3333 #haikyuu scenarios

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join-the-joywrite · 4 years

Text

Vera & Hamish soulmate au headcannons

Combination of a prompt from @bakulka and @gingersimasnapsandvermishthings where upon making contact with your soulmate, you relive moments of their past

Who's ready for some angst????

Let's get some background on exactly what past angstiness is all about

Síma is, and I say this with all the love in the world, an actual demon mainly because of the suggestion that Hamish was an unwanted child. GIRL, I-- so yes, we will be running with that :)

So there's going to be some instances where Hamish's mother was an outright bitch to her son and straight up tells him that she never wanted it (gosh why am I always jumping down his mother's throat???? It's because she's a rich bitch, isn't it???)

Don't worry, I'll try to think up some painful memories about his father.

On Vera's side, there is the very obvious death of her daughter, but I'm gonna take it up a notch for this au and call attention to how everyone around her responded to the entire thing. Losing your own child is bad enough, imagine being 16 and having to face a close-minded community after that? I mean,,, does my girl even get any sympathy or is it gonna be all about how she was asking for it and she should have known better??? I mean COME ON you can't look at Vera and tell me she's this hardened on the outside only due to her daughter's death.

In any event, let's move on.

My babies grow up lonely. They leave home as early as they can and say a big fat fuck you goodbye to their families.

I say this with all the seriousness I can: I'm 100% sure both of these idiots have the ability to consciously halt their thought process.

So their moment of first contact occurs outside the den, fighting Kepler & Co. but due to their extreme focus on protecting the den, both of them actively ignore the onslaught of past memories.

And it just never comes up?? They just never bring it up with each other?

Then there's the whole pulveris memoria business and Hamish has no clue about any of it so he's genuinely not suppressing anything at all -- but Vera's got lonely moments where she sits with nothing but her own thoughts.

And there's her old memories that she tried to bury deep down but there's something else? A different kind of pain that she can't identify? Now and then, without warning, she's struck by the sudden fear that she doesn't belong, that she has no right to be where she is, that she was unwanted as a child and she is unwanted now.

Side note, how do you think Hamish felt when Cassie told him that Tundra CHOSE him?? Like,, Tundra WANTED him for his champion?? Do you think he cried? Being wanted for the first time in his life? Do you think he and Cassie sat for hours together, talking about it?

Speaking of Cassie, whenever Vera thinks about her daughter and allows herself to mourn a little, she's got this underlying sense of grief that makes her want to blame herself. But she doesn't know how to deal with it. She's processed her daughter's death by now. She knows better. She doesn't blame herself the way she used to. So why is there this lingering urge to berate and blame herself for a death?

Then Alyssa gives the Knights their memories back. Then Hamish starts to feel it too. One day he sees a little girl running to greet her older sibling on the campus and for some reason, the sight of her with her glitter skirt and bouncy pigtails tugs achingly at his heart. Or during his monthly call from his dear old mother, he manages to overlook the unwanted feelings -- he has a new family now -- but there's this new feeling abandonment? He doesn't get it, because he's long since written his mom off. She's not family to him anymore. If anything, by now, HE'S abandoned HER. He feels cast out despite that never being his childhood.

It goes on like this until Lilith brews the potion for them. While Vera is just confused about these strange new feelings (obviously tied to Hamish's memories) Hamish has just been slapped with an onslaught of memories, breaking through every barrier he'd ever created and every memory he ever buried beneath lies of being okay. It's his horrible childhood, losing Cassie, falling for Vera, all at once. But then the new and confusing feeling click into place as a barrage of new memories hit him. Vera losing her daughter, being treated like an outcast, having to fend for herself, slowly losing trust in the individual person . . . all at once.

And it almost breaks him.

He's softer with Vera, now. Almost apologetic for her deeds. Jack doesn't get it when Hamish says he understands Vera a little bit. Jack's hung up on being betrayed by his soulmate.

But Randall gets it. Lilith gets it. They've both known Hamish long enough to know what he says isn't always what he means. But Lilith isn't that great with soft reassurances. She's who Hamish goes to when he needs tough love. So its Randall who talks to Hamish and figures the whole thing out.

Hamish wants to come clean to Vera, but he knows her now. He can calculate the way her mind works. And he knows that she is cut from the same cloth as him. She's buried her own and his memories behind a wall even she can't break.

He has this ongoing internal debate right until the Prometheans and every painful memory in Vera's life springs forward. But so do all the memories she got from Hamish.

(Am I breaking canon? Possibly, it's been a while)

When they next meet, it's quiet. Hamish can tell Vera has something on her mind.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to break your already fragile walls."

"Hm."

And they don't sit close. And they don't hold each other. Not for a while, anyway.

Which is fine because they're both afraid of new memories resurfacing that neither of them want to deal with.

Until the urge to be close is greater than the fear of facing each other's past.

It's a hesitant touch, but with it comes forth happy memories, which is a pleasant surprise.

The day Vera's daughter was born and she fell in love for the first time. The moment Hamish realised that Tundra had really CHOSEN him and he was worth something. The day Vera was made Temple Magus and she was just so happy to be respected and to have a place where she belonged. The days Hamish met Cassie, Randall, Lilith and Jack and anyone else in between and realised he has a family who loves him with or without any special abilities and just because he was Hamish.

And it's so so so refreshing from the horrible and painful memories that they share that for a moment, they just sit together, explaining the memories and just . . . slowly falling deeper in love with each other without even noticing.

And each time they make contact after, it's a short blur of a few memories. Happy memories, sad memories, joyful memories, angry memories. It all depends on their moods when it happens. Luckily for them, it's mostly memories of being loved and accepted and wanted.

When Alyssa and Vera say that Hamish is leaving and he grabs her hand, Vera's struck with memories of blame and grief at losing Cassie because he wasn't there. She has to squeeze his hand remind him that she's not Cassie and he's not the young kid he was when Cassie died. She'll be okay.

And at the end, when she grabs his hand to tell him to stay, they share the same memory.

The day they fell in love.

No I'm not back on Vermish bullshit haha wdym

#the order #the order netflix #vermish #hamish duke #vera stone #the knights of st christopher #the hermetic order of the blue rose #the knights of the blue rose #blue rose knights #vera x hamish #hamish x vera

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cassyapper · 4 years

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Apart from Jotaro and Kakyoin (unfortunately) what are your other favourite jojo ships? I’d love to know

OHHHH POST YOUVE OPENED A CAN OF FUCKING WORMS LET ME GO OFF

i have a disease that makes me invested in the joestars’ happiness to an absurd level so bc of that a lot of ships i enjoy involve,,,one joestar,,,but there r others i swear let me just start rantingi

jonaeriwagon is soooooo so so cute it involves the most wholesome and purehearted jojo characters and it makes me smile so wide. erina and jonathan r childhood sweethearts and erina helped jonathan back on his feet after he lost EVERYTHING in the first fight against dio at the mansion. jonathan and speedwagon are best FRIENDS OKAY!! SPEEDWAGON LITERALLY CHANGES HIS ENTIRE WALK OF LIFE BECAUSE OF JONATHAN AND THE KINDNESS HE SHOWED HIM. i know erina and speedwagon didn't interact a whole lot in part 1 but like they're BEST. FRIENDS. in part 2, so much so joseph thought something was going on between them. i bring this up bc then it’s proof that this ship is full of ppl who just care for each other so much. they just adore each other and love each other and I'm crying

caejoseq is my FAVVV OKAY they're so stupid and in love. i love love love love imagining caesar and suziq falling in love slowly when he’s first training as lisalisa’s student and like they never do anything about it cause they're both so shy (yes caesar is shy bc these feelings r more genuine romance rather than sexual, unlike his other flings) but it’s obvious enough they both understand to a degree the other knows they like them sjkd;dn cuties. but then JOSEPH BARGES IN with his stupid hamon-breathing mask and his stupid blue-green eyes and his stupid lax personality combined with the moments he takes thing seriously during which is works hard as fuck/smart as fuck. he just completely sweeps them off their feet they had no fuckin warning whatsoever. so after a bunch of messy and intense pining from the both of them they eventually sit down and are like okay. we should do smth about feelings actually. so they Do and it ends with the polycule and I'm (”: smiling so wide they loved each other do u understand

AVPOL!! DO NOT GET ME STARTED OKAY it’s the survivor’s guilt and cherishing and longing for me sis!!!!!! I'm just saying both have pasts (araki said avdol’s backstory was so sad he didn't wanna put it into sdc so that’s where I'm drawing this from) that leave them focused on things other than their direct happiness/their own futures but then they connect and even though they're so fucking different they are SOOO different they're still the same on this level and i think!!! that would be everything for them finally someone who understands...listen I'm ging to go insane do you hear me. avdol loves this stupid fucking Frenchman so much because said stupid fucking Frenchman just cares so much about everything. meanwhile polnareff is in love with this fuckin god of a man who’s patient and kind and funny and a skilled enough fighter it’s stated explicitly in canon “oh avdol’s the one we need to worry about most not jotaro” like fuck polnareff is ENAMOURED WITH HIM!! AND I DONT FUCKING BLAME HIM!! and just dude. when pol thinks avdol came back to life and he starts crying tears of joy and hugs him so tightly and avdol just laughs but hugs him back imfmfjfj help. help. help. help. help. POLNAREFF LITERALLY ASKS HIM OUT ON A DATE THIS IS FUCKIN!!! CANON!!! i cant do this stupid fuckign idiots i love them

JOSUYASU!!!!!! TWO GUYS BEIGN DUDES WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT??? like listen we have such a SLEW of wholesome moments between these two the opening to the tonio episode is literally just them going on a date OKUYASU WAS GONNA FEED JOSUKE AND JOSUKE DIDNT EVEN FUCKING QUESTION IT OKAY THAT’S KINDA GAY THAT HAS ROMANTIC FUCKING UNDERTONES!! and them fighting against shigechi idk man i just love their dynamic it’s such a pleasant bro relationship and i love them. but even beyond the wholesome moments when okuyasu fucking dies josuke loses his SHIT!!! DO YOU HEAR ME HE GOES FUCKIGN INSANE!!!!! HE’S SCREAMING AND CRYING AND BEGGING OKUYASU TO WAKE UP AT THE EXPENSE OF HIS LIFE FUCKIGN HAYATO HAD TO SHRIEK AT HIM TO MOVE HIS ASS OUT OF THE WAY OF KIRA’S BOMB LIKE!! listen the recklessness and furiousness of josuke’s tactics after okuyasu “”died”” haunts me. he didn't want to live in a world without him and meanwhile okuyaus LITERALLY TRIUMPHS OVER DEATH BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT TO LEAVE JOSUKE’S SIDE HELP ME GIRL FJKF;NDJN FUCK. fuck. so yeah i lvoe them

fugionara... any combination of this ship makes me go nuts okay okay. the dynamics in the bucci gang will forever leave me in tatters but THE ONES BETWEEN THESE THREE IN PARTICULAR. FUCK ME UP. it’s the healing it’s the animosity it’s the regret it’s the trying to figure out your own mentally ill self while also the world ur in with these ppl u love so much and I'm going crazy okay okay okay. idk how to quite put my feelings for them in worlds i just have a lot of them and they are fuckin. overhwelming. just narancia for example meant EVERYTHING to fugo as evidence by purple haze feedback (literally every other paragraph is a flashback) and the only time giorno cries in the anime is when narancia dies. meanwhile fugo saved narancia’s life and giorno knew when to take narancia seriously as opposed to a joke. and then THE WHOLE DISCUSSION ABOUT GRIEF FUGO AND GIORNO HAVE IN PURPLE HAZE FEEDBACK? listen something about these three make me go insane and feral

foolymes like okay. okay. I'm shaking like a dog trying not to go overboard on this justification just listen to me. hermes and jolyne first find someone to trust in prison in each other. jolyne cares abt her enough that she first learns how to use stone free’s string-on-a-telephone ability bc she wanted to watch over hermes. hermes loves nd respects jolyne that after she wakes up from getting a stand shes like “hm. wonder where jolyne is” and goes to find her before all that bullshit happened just hey okay LISTEN TO ME!! and then they get foo they save her it’s just like fucking kakyoin they give her another chance and they show her what relationships are supposed to be like (fulfilling) they enjoy her company and make her laugh and she makes them laugh in return ohmy god EVERYTHING FOO FIGHTERS DID WAS FOR JOLYNE AND HERMES DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!!! the marilyn mansion debt collector arc. the kiss of love and revenge arc. foo fighter’s death. I'm going to eat rocks in an attempt to stop feeling oh my god JOLYNE DIDNT EVEN BELEIVE FOO FIGHTERS WAS DYING AND THEN SHE GOT HYSTERICAL LIKE “BUT WE CAN JUST REMAKE YOU RIGHT WE HAVE YOUR STAND DISC??” SHE DOESNT WANT HER TO GOOO HELP ME HELP ME. I'm in tatters these three girls loved each other so fucking much they just wanted each other safe and they DESERVED to be safe and happy together but araki is fucking evil

jotaweather I KNOW THIS IS A CRACK SHIP I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW DONT FUCKIGN LOOK AT ME JUST HEAR ME OUT. jotaro and weather r both of similar demeanor that is quiet soft-speaking intimidating strong big aura of sadness coming from them. both have powerful stands and both had real fucked up luck in the love department. i also hc both to be autistic so that’d be another similarity. i jus think them settling down together after everything went down in a stone ocean au would be very soft and sweet yknow? they wouldn't even necessarily start it off in a romantic sense but they just take the time to try and heal with each other and eventually it just kinda veers that way. yeah

gyjo for OBVIOUS reasons like are you serious? gyro changed johnny’s fucking lfie from the SECOND they first interact johnny begins to push himself and tries to reach further/go further. and in turn johnny shows gyro you cant always be a wet blanket you need to take a stand this both helps his resolve to save the kid AND helps him to take the measures necessary to get to his goal. like gyro would not have been able to find johnny in the “who shot johnny joestar?” arc if he hadn't gone through, say, the ring roadagain arc with johnny first. listen man their relationship is literally the catalyst for this whole part it’s the driving force i just. they love each other they love each other thank you goodnight I'm emo

yasugap is just so so so so sweet it makes me so happy,,like okay josuk8 literally has a daydream where all that happens is he gives yasuho some candy and she eats it and is like “aw josuke this is so good thanks!” and she smiles at him and that’s IT THAT’S THE DAYDREAM 😭 listen they just love each other so much and i am emo. they literally SAVED EACH OTHER OKAY LIKE yasuho pulls him from the dirt and like she mentioned during the flashback chapter with the hairpin and her dad, it was also the other way around....saving josuke also saved herself and just LISTEN TO ME. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. it’s a very sweet and healthy relationship and i hope to god araki makes it canon please sir ill bite you

anyway yeah these are the main main ones ? that i ship ship. like you'll get me excited if u mention them. anyway this post has gone on long enough so I'm gonna end it here by saying i really do have a thing where the relationship focuses on healing/helping one or both parties to save/improve themselves

#THIS IS SO MESSY IM SORRY I DIDNT PROOFREAD ANYTHING #uhm but yeah these guys. drive me nuts!#jjba #jojo spoilers #nothing too heavy but just in case #cass cries #iwannagrill

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themadauthorshatter · 3 years

Text

RED SCHOOL UNIVERSE ALTERATION HEADCANONS/STORY!!!!!! Mainly based on that series titles and plots post I did a little while back.

This story happensthe same as before, but there are three arcs, not two parts; Arc 1 is the two worlds dicscovering each other and each wondering who the other is. Arc 2 is the worlds meeting each other and making introductions and first impressions. Arc 3 is the "Peace and Cooperation" between the two, which includes the Unity Ball.

The Endless Woods were still discovered by Silvers, but it was completely on accident. They were trying to go to Piedmont or any other Nortan ally because the Scarlet Guard situation is getting a little crazy and Tiberias needs needs reinforcements who are not having the same problem as him.

In their defense, it was really dark and they couldn't see a damn thing. And they thought the trees and grass being blue were because of Greenies.

One of them, a Swift, ran away when his travel partner, an Eye, got shot by a stray arrow and when a wolf jumped out of the trees. Like, a BIG ASS WOLF.

Little did the Swift know, a ferret snuck onto the boat while getting chased by an evil mist possessed hawk.

So the Eye gets patched up by Professor Espada, who scolded Chaddick, he is interviewed by Espada and Dovey, though they all talk in the School Master's office.

THE REVEAL OF RHIAN WILL COME, JUST WAIT BECAUSE IT WILL BE AWESOME!!!

The Eye explains as much of Norta as he can, mistakenly talking about the King and his two sons to a certain blonde girl who keeps thinking she's in the wrong school and her more realist, down to Earth friend that is intrigued, but just wants to go home.

SPEAKING OF NORTA!!!!

With the Swift, he arrives back at Norta and claimed he'd been chased away by soldiers.

The ferret slips away from the boat and finds its way into the garage, where Cal happens to be working, because he overworked himself in training.

It gets his attention and he very stupidly asks it how it got in.

It starts chattering and then claws at the door. Ever the compassionate, Cal lets it on his shoulder and he meets an Animos who takes notice of the rather articulate rodent on the prince's shoulder.

She does her own interviewing of the creature and is curious when it talks about a school meant for teaching children how to be heroes and villains for fairytales.

She infirms Cal, but tells him to not tell his father because it'd sound stupid and like bullshit.

He tells him anyway because Cal cannot keep a secret.

Tibe tells him that maybe he's been training too hard or in the garage to much; oil or gasoline on the brain.

Good thing the Eye comes back and tells Tibe EVERYTHING about what is called the School for Good and Evil. It is across the sea and has no Reds or Silvers to speak of, though they do have magic.

Tibe tries brushing it off, even when Elara asks him about it, but starts getting frustrated when letters start coming in, all sent by ravens.

These address Maven, Cal, Tibe, Elara, Evangeline, Ptolemus, and Volo Samos, and just about anyone and everyone else the Eye talked about, Even Mare, who is Mareena Titanos at this moment.

This was not only an assignment from the School Master directly, but a test to see if the Eye was BS-ing.

Maven rolls his eyes when he reads his.

Mare, at first, got really excited because she thought it was her family or Shade, but was really sad to learn it was just a bunch of kids in school.

Cal just laughs because he gets a lot of questions about what Norta is like and how he lives life, especially how HE goes to school.

He writes back, after realizing that the letters are being sent by literal 16 year olds.

Here is a letter sent by Tedros:

"Dear Tiberias Calore VII, We found one of your people in our school when my friend accidentally shot him.(sorry about that, by the way!) He talked a lot about you and a thing called "Queenstrial" and said that every King had to choose his Queen like that, even though your father didn't. His blood was silver, too. LIKE A MIRROR! Is that how all of you are? As in, does everyone have silver blood? And does everyone still have powers? Write back when you get a chance. I hope to here from you soon, Tedros Pendragon of Camelot."

Here is Cal's reply:

"Dear Tedros, Call me Cal, just about everyone else does. And don't worry about our comrade, he's doing okay. And I hope he didn't say anything confidential. To answer your questions: Yes, Queenstrial is somewhat a competition to marry the next King. My father didn't really partake in one until after I was born, then he married the current Queen and had my brother Maven. Kings rarely marry without one, though my father was the third to do so. Assuming what he said to us was true, that being you and your classmates all have red blood, then no. Not all us have silver blood. I and my family are all Silvers, meaning we have silver blood. We have powers because of it, but it's not as vast as yours, what you call magic. I'm a Burner, meaning I can control fire and not get burned by it, just like my father and brother. My mother, the queen, is a Whisper, meaning she can read minds. And no, not everyone has powers or silver blood. Reds, people with red blood, don't have powers at all, so they work. Granted, Silvers work, too, but Reds have more labor intensive jobs like lumbering and even fighting in an army. It's to make them feel more useful next to us. I hope this answered ypu questions. Tiberias Calore VII"

Here are letters Sophie sent to Maven:

"Dear Maven Calore, It's very nice to meet you! My name is Sophie. I'm from a village called Gavaldon, though you might not have heard of it because it's really deep in the woods and, let's be honest, if you live in a place like Gavaldon, you can probably live and die without anyone knowing who or where you are. Anyway, I tried writing to your brother, but I guess he gets THAT many letters. That guy they found didn't talk about you as much as your brother. And he said he'll be best king yet. I know how frustrating that is, I got put in the wrong school when I helped so many people and even became best friends with a witch. AND SOMEHOW I'M IN EVIL!? I'M THE PICTURE PERFECT DEFINITION OF A PRINCESS!!! Did that ever happen to you on school? Were ypu ever in the wrong place and your brother was where you were supposed to be? Anyway, write back when you get a chance! Love, Sophie P.S. Is it true you and your brother are ALREADY engaged to someone?"

Here is Maven's reply:

"Dear Sophie, Yes. My brother and I are already betrothed, him to Evangeline of House Samos and I to Mareena of the lost House Titanos. I'm not surprised that he didn't; the nobles usually pay more attention to my brother anyway, kind of like you. I remember once I'd wanted to join my father on a meeting concerning one of our legions. He chose Cal to join him instead and left me to train, even though I'm better at talking in council meetings. I was fairly upset, as I'm sure you are, but all I can say is to grin and bear it. As far as I know, most schools last four years. It may seem like a long time, but it will go by very quickly. Aside from that, I wouldn't know because I wasn't taught in a school like you. I was taught in the palace with my brother. I hope things get better for you, at least. Cordially, Maven Calore"

If this was a legit book or movie, we'd get back and forth POVs between the Red Queen cast and the SGE cast.

With the RQ cast, we'd see Mare and Maven talk the letters they'd each gotten and talk about the existence of magic, and the last letter sent to all three of them. FROM AGATHA. Cal joins them and they get to speculating what it could mean for their future.

"Dear Tiberias Calore VII, Maven Calore, and Mareena Titanos, This is the last letter we're allowed to send. The students, at least. Mareena, or Mare, or whatever your name is, I wish I had a chance to meet you at least once. I don't know, I just have a feeling you're lying and I want to know why. Tiberia Cal, I hope you someday become a good king, and that you're happy with Evangeline. If not, just get along and be freinds. Maven, I'm glad you and Mare met. She sounds like she's a good part of your life, and it sounds like your doing everything you can to help her adapt. I hope you two become your own little weird, married family. If I never meet you, best of wishes to you all. Agatha of Woods Beyond"

All three are bummed out by this and Mare cries into Maven's shoulder as he hugs her out of genuineness, not his mother's plan.

Maven later admits to Cal that it would be interesting to meet the students, but is glad he isn't, because they already have enough problems.

Cal agrees, but solely on the front that they wouldn't really know how to get there and back to Norta, and who qould have to stay behind to hold down the fort, as Tibe doesn't trust Elara or any other high house leader and doesn't talk to Julian.

The two simply imagine what such a meeting would be like as they part ways.

With Tibe, a letter from the School Master himself has just arrived and details a safe route from Norta to the School and back.

SWITCH AND BACK TRACK TO THE SGE CAST!!!!!

Sophie hugs the return letters from Cal and Maven, squealing about how gentlemanly they are and that she can't wait to meet them. Agatha gently breaks it to her that that might not happen because of how they don't know where this Norta place is and the last letter was sent last night, HER LETTER. Sophie waves her off and calls her gloomy for not having any hope. Agatha tries talking Sophie into trying to find a way back to Gavaldon instead, but Sophie shuts her down by gasping that she'd never meet her princes, then.

Norta is a hot topic for the students as they all compare letters, Evers and Nevers.

Tedros wonders to Agatha how long it would take for them to arrive, and Agatha admits she doesn't know because she doesn't know how they get from place to place without horses or carriages.

Dovey and Lesso are about to pull their hair out from the nonstop chitchat of Norta, Reds, and Silvers, and the School Master has just the solution:

After enough ravens left and returned safely, he determined a route on water that would help the Silvers arrive safely and get back home. Considering the advances in technology Norta has, it should take them about a day or two to arrive and another day or two to sail home, regardless of the weather conditions.

With that all thought out, he puts it in the form of him own letter, sends it by eagle, and waits.

After A MONTH of waiting, he gets a letter back that Tiberias will be happy to meet the School Master at the rendezvous point.

AND THUS CONCLUDES ARC 1

BE ON THE LOOK OUT FOR ARC 2!!!!

#red queen #school for good and evil #red school #universe alteration #cal calore #sge tedros #mare barrow #sge agatha #maven calore #sge sophie #tiberias calore vii #tiberias calore vi

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