#anyway. fuckin. banger of. party

[greatwesternway]

Thomas and Friends S13E04 "Double Trouble"

Oh fuck, two bangers in a row? Well, bangers for this era, but still. And we're only four episodes in!

This is the one with Sir Lowham Hatt, Topham's no account brother.

So it's Sir Topham Hatt's birthday and Thomas is supposed to pick him and Lady Hatt up to take them to the party. When he arrives at Maithwaite station, however, he finds that Sir Topham Hatt has a mustache all the sudden.

He also greets Thomas in oddly familiar way and laughs a bit obnoxiously about it. Fuckin' strange! Stranger still, Hatt wants to go to the Whispering Woods instead of the planned destination, saying that there's plenty of time before the party.

Now Thomas is perplexed by all this. Hatt's acting weird! And Thomas wants to ask about the mustache and the other weird behavior, but he "doesn't want to look silly".

Now one thing I do not care for in this era of the show is that being afraid of "looking silly" is a plot point in a lot of episodes. I don't like it because it encompasses a lot of nuanced experiences and feelings. However, I do see why they've elected to phrase it this way.

How much of learning to navigate the world as a child is worrying about looking stupid? Almost all of it! Thomas and Friends, though, ain't about to be throwing the word "stupid" around. It's immediately negative and demoralizing and it's not keeping with the Awdry styleguide anyway. So everything is about "looking silly".

But Looking Silly can be a stand in for any number of specific scenarios a child might experience. In the previous episode, Looking Silly meant when you have to wear an outfit you don't like and you think people will tease you for. In this one, it's about the risk of speaking up when you don't understand why an authority figure is behaving the way that they are and you're not even sure if you're allowed to question them.

So Thomas decides not to ask.

He takes Hatt to the Whispering Woods and finds that Edward is there with the children he's supposed to bring to the party. Hatt gets out and Thomas reminds him that they can't stay long because they have to get to the party on time.

"Party smarty," he says. So I guess that's a thing on Sodor around this time. "We got plany off time." And then he goes to play Hide and Seek with the kids.

Now here's the coolest part of this episode. Edward, wisest motherfucker on railway, notes the strangeness of this behavior too. Sir Topham Hatt never plays Hide and Seek. And he's got this weird new mustache. He and Thomas have this short little gossip session about it and I'm sure it's a great relief to Thomas that Edward thinks this is fuckin' weird too.

Mustache Hatt finally decides to get back on the train when Thomas tells him that they'll be late for the party and Edward comments that the children will be late too. To which Hatt instructs Edward not to rush the children to leave.

And Edward does not question this, thereby signalling that not questioning Hatt here is the appropriate thing to do.

Now, granted, Edward is still being mischaracterized by the show at this point in time, but I think there's one other thing at play here that's not actually being articulated.

I think engines observe an etiquette that, like children, states they are mostly to be seen and not heard. On the whole, this is probably just a good idea because you don't want large, loud machines calling passengers out and demanding their attention on the platform. Certainly we're shown that if a person wants to speak with an engine, they are welcome to do so, but an engine asking for a person's attention seems to be frowned upon.

There's one other episode later on, Series 19's "Thomas and the Emergency Cable", where Thomas does break this protocol to ask a birdwatcher what he's doing (because he's also appears to be behaving strangely). When Thomas asks, though, he does so rather gingerly, like he knows he's overstepping his bounds a bit. Another one of those things they reached back to revisit maybe?

Anyway, if this is the case and in view that they do think this is Sir Topham Hatt, it explains why even Edward doesn't want to speak up and address the strangeness he's observing and just does as he's told.

So Thomas is on his way again, when he has to stop at a junction. And as he's waiting, Hatt jumps out and just invites himself into the signal box, much to the surprise of the signalman too. And of course, the signalman also thinks this is Sir Topham Hatt, so he also does not question letting him "have a turn" on the levers. As a result, Gordon (who is bringing all the important visitors) get switched to a branchline and away from the party so he's going to be late too.

At this point, Thomas really thinks he ought to be asking Hatt what the fuck he's doing, but when he has the opportunity, he stays quiet. And I mean, fair, right? Both Edward and an actual person didn't speak up either, so what place does he have to question Sir Topham fkn Hatt?

They end up back at Maithwaite (to pick up Lady Hatt, in a bit of logic that might have given the gag away if Thomas wasn't a dumbass train), but when he arrives, the stationmaster is mad at him because the actual Hatts had to go to the party in Bertie the Bus when Thomas didn't show up on time and neither the children nor the important visitors are at the party either.

And now Thomas is like, "If Sir Topham Hatt is on Bertie, then who the hell is this?"

So finally, Thomas asks.

"Excuse me, Sir Topham, you don't quite seem yourself today. Is everything all right?"

"Yes, Thomas, but I'm not Sir Topham Hatt. I'm sir Lowham Hatt, Sir Topham's brother!"

Son of a bitch.

Thomas also realizes that if Sir Topham isn't at the party yet, that means Bertie must have broken down and needs to be found, which Sir Lowham thinks is great fun. But now Thomas is stern; he's had e-fuckin-nough of this guy today, engine etiquette or no. He tells Sir Lowham that he has to work very hard very quickly to fix all the confusion and delay he's caused and they won't be playing fucking Hide and Seek about it.

They find Bertie pretty easily and at first Sir Topham is cross with Thomas, until Sir Lowham gets out and immediately Sir Topham recognizes the real culprit here and directs all his ire at his brother. Which just goes to show that he understands how this could come to pass, that an engine was not likely to question his brother or his behavior because they would not question him.

Thomas rushes about getting Edward and Gordon back on track and everyone gets to the party eventually. And once everyone is there, Sir Topham Hatt enjoys himself so much, he actually plays with the children and laughs even louder than Sir Lowham did. Curious behavior indeed!

It's hard to say there's a moral in this one exactly, because at every turn, not asking was reinforced as the correct course of action. However, is that not also something that happens in real life? Maybe the moral is that sometimes some weird shit is afoot and everyone else is going to ignore the elephant in the room. Maybe you will join them; maybe you will finally say enough is enough. If it's the former, good odds no one will blame you, especially if they didn't ask either.

[iasmelaion]

youtube recommended me a concert video of Daft Punk at Lollapalooza 2007 and I am taking so much psychic damage from the number of people in the comments saying things like "wish I was alive back then to see this!" and "all the kids in the audience must be in their 40s now!" and "look at those cellphones/digital cameras, those were the days!"

I WAS THERE, GANDALF. ;______; well, not there. I was at their Coachella 2006 show. (for values of there that include a significant amount of time waiting in line for a portapotty, lol. though lol at that point the crowd for the Daft Punk set had spilled out far beyond the bounds of their assigned tent. in retrospect, a mistake for them not to have been given a place on the main stage! though I guess that Coachella set was part of what rocketed that tour to the stratosphere afterwards.)

Anyway, I've been letting Youtube autoplay its way through a bunch of music videos and concert footage while I attempt to write and good god I want to go to a concert now. Had to stop and have a little dance party of one to fka twigs' Eusexua already today. (a fuckin banger, btw.)

[idridian]

what are your favourite horror movies

what a question to ask me lol. ohhhkay, strap in.

(please note that when you ask me "favourite", that means you get favourite regardless of quality. and you get no tv shows or any such things, strictly movies)

(btw i haven't actually seen that many horror films. many of the iconic franchises especially - chucky, elm street, scream, friday the 13th, texas chainsaw massacre, what have you - just never piqued my interest. maybe some day)

(also these are in no particular order)

-

1. hellraiser franchise

my working theory is that all "hellraiser" movies are bad movies, but for different reasons. the og from 1987 is a bad movie because it was made on a budget of ten pounds and a packet of crisps. hellraiser 8 is bad because its plot is about a group of teens obsessed with a hellraiser video game getting murdered at a weird sex party. these two are not the same

that being said, i love these movies very much (except for hellraiser 10. i hate hellraiser 10 and will never ever watch it ever again, thank you. no reason) and love to look at pinhead and his many cenobite buddies doing weird kinky shit <3

2. halloween movies (only 1978 and the green trilogy from 2018 onwards)

i haven't seen any of the other ones because i was introduced to the series by my very good friend miri aka @asylos, who showed me those four and no others. and i was like okay :D and just never watched the rest because i don't consume media unless prompted

i'm a basic bitch, i see a man in a jumpsuit and get gender envy, so og twink michael delights me. that being said, old man michael from the green trilogy? CHEF'S KISS. love that fucker. he's the best

3. anything del toro

a lot of his films don't really stay within the constraints of a single genre, but they definitely contain horror elements. my favourite is "the shape of water", which has its moments but is overall not that scary. the pale man from "pan's labyrinth" made quite the impression on me when i first saw the movie because while i had seen the iconic shot of him raising his hands to reveal the Palm Eyes before, i was unaware of the fact that that fucker gets up and shambles around and i was Not Okay with that

crimson peak is very pretty and i love it. for obvious reasons, i think

4. willy's wonderland

nic cage night janitor animatronic murder fight bonanza my beloved. like honestly, i watched the fnaf movie yesterday and it had zero good cleaning montages, wasn't as funny and had fewer bangers, music-wise, than willy's does. like what's the fuckin point

5. fright night 2011

this film has david tennant in it and that's why i watched it. apart from him being an absolutely show-stealing delight, the rest of the film is also a fun romp. there's vampires and stuff

6. bad samaritan

this film ALSO has david tennant in it. he's doing an american accent (a way better one than in "gracepoint", a show that you should Not watch. just watch "broadchurch" instead please, i promise you're not missing anything) and is playing a rich asshole obsessed with horses who abducts and kills women. also he throws a phone out of a car window at two separate occasions and it cracks me up

the main character is played by some actor whose name i can never remember. he's irish or something and i think he might have been in one of those pieces of media i haven't consumed. umbrella academy? was he klaus in umbrella academy? who's klaus?? is klaus FROM umbrella academy? who knows

anyway, the film is a thriller and i quite like watching it. it's tense with zero unnecessary padding, it knows what it's here for and delivers

7. the thing 1982 + 2011

another one i watched with miri. miri likes to show me horror films (and tv shows) a lot <3 we watched both the og and the new one and i quite liked them! the dog in the 82 one is really really good at his job. i highkey struggle with big groups of characters bc i can't remember names and faces for shit, so i was reeeally bad at spotting the Thing. also i liked the teeth thing from the 2011 one that was smart

8. bunny lake is missing

does this count as a horror movie? idk, but i'm putting it here

9. psycho

it's pretty good. i liked it. i think norman would have been a tumblr sexyman if such a thing had existed in the 1960s

10. the one hour long space horror segment trapped in the middle of otherwise meandering artfilm "2001: a space odyssey"

you know the one

11. alien

classic. i haven't seen any of the others apart from "aliens" because the internet said they were bad

12. the abyss

veers closer to sci-fi than horror, but i'm counting it bc it sure is tense. this is a film by james cameron about *checks smudged handwriting* some underwater diving alien nonsense or something. idk, it's been a while since i've watched it. another movie with a big group of characters i can't tell apart for shit, which is why i'm always rooting for some of them to start dying already

i watched this one because i unfortunately am doing a handshake meme with jimmy cameron labelled "hello i am obsessed with the ocean" and unlike me, he has the money to make really long epic films about it

13. the haunting 1963

this is a movie adaptation of "the haunting of hill house" by shirley jackson. it's very good! (if you're familiar with flanagan's netflix show, there are some parts of this movie that will be... quite familiar)

i watched this one with miri, followed immediately by the 1999 remake (?), which i found very strange and occasionally hilarious because of cgi that hasn't stood the test of time. also, i'd like it to be put on record that i fuckin CALLED the thing about the fireplace (somehow lol)

14. rocky horror picture show

my parents showed me this movie when i was maybe a bit too young to see it, at a point in my life where i hadn't quite figured out yet that i was various shades of queer. it sure made an Impression

many years later, i finally got around to watching the sequel, "shock treatment" (thanks to miri, of course) which is very different but also a good time, and has some bangers of its own!

-

those are all the ones i can think of (and look up in the big movie watchlist google doc miri and i use to keep track of what we've seen so far) without digging through my dvd collection, which i don't feel like doing right now because it'd be a bother.

but just for fun, a few brief honourable mentions:

the shining (i care about shelley duvall and nothing else. so glad she got to punt jack nicholson's character down a flight of stairs with a baseball bat)

black christmas (keir dullea what IS your haircut shgsjfghs)

cabin in the woods (i knew nothing going in and miri was very pleased by this fact)

house on haunted hill 1959 (skeleton lol)

young frankenstein (my parents showed me the german dub version when i was, again, a bit too young for it. iconic movie tbh)

[randomvarious]

The Hydraulic Dogs - "Shake It for Me" Turbo Sampler (Vol. 2) 2000 House

Plays: N/A on Spotify // 80 on YouTube

Boy, do I have an absolute fuckin' underrated y2k-era banger for you all today. I really have no idea how the UK house music duo of Hydraulic Dogs ever first came about, but let's just say that it was definitely a good idea for these two guys to team up. Dominic Dawson aka DJD had been a veteran house DJ and producer since the 80s and Jonny Delafons aka L B Dope was a drummer for country-blues-acid house-trip hop band Alabama 3 (A3 in the States), whose biggest claim to fame would undoubtedly become "Woke Up This Morning," which would go on to serve as the theme song to The Sopranos.

But in the year 2000, with what seemed to be something of a side project for both of these blokes, Dawson and Delafons released their first single together, a funky piece of filtery and bonging house music called "Shake It for Me," which on top of a pretty standard four-on-the-floor house backbeat that added some hand drumming, incorporated samples from two extremely popular songs:

One, "(Shake, Shake, Shake) Shake Your Booty," by KC & The Sunshine Band,

And two, "California Love," by 2Pac, Dr. Dre, & Roger Troutman from 80s electro-funk band Zapp.

Released on UK label Influence—a sublabel of UK label Defender—"Shake It for Me" would find its way onto a small handful of mixes in 2000, including two that were released by the biblical UK electronic music monthly, Mixmag, but another mix the song ended up on was DJ Laflèche's Montreal Mix, which was put out on the Montreal-based Turbo Recordings label; and because of the song's inclusion on that mix, a fuller-length version of it also appeared on a Turbo sampler that year too, even though Turbo never actually released the song themselves.

Anyway, "Shake It for Me" is pure gold, man. The samples it employs are obviously not obscure by any means, but the idea of marrying the opening moments of "Shake Your Booty" to some of Roger Troutman's own talk-box vocals from "California Love" really ends up generating a track that, to this day, still feels fit for unleashing in pretty much any party setting. And when Dawson and Delafons kill the Troutman loop(s) in order to instead let his voice wander freely and way offbeat, those are the times when this song reaches its most satisfying points 😌.

So if you adore "California Love," it's probably best that you give this house jam from the early 2000s a listen too, 'cuz you're probably gonna end up digging how this British pair implemented it for their own tune as well.

A 2002 single put out on UK Sony sublabel Direction would feature remixes of "Shake It for Me" by Italy's Junior Jack and the UK's TBC (Matt Schwartz), and it would end up charting successfully, reaching #56 on the UK Singles chart and #2 on the UK Dance Singles chart. The Hydraulic Dogs would also end up releasing a handful of more singles between '02 and '03—mostly promos—a digital single in '08, and they'd also do some remixes too, including a couple for Alabama 3, and another one in 2012 for Orbital's "New France," which featured Zola Jesus on it. And that Orbital remix appears to be the last time that we'd ever hear from them as a pair.

But their debut sure was a nice gem!

[thevaneltia]

im going to do these all at once cuz fuck waiting a month to answer all the questions.

also i havent finished the game, so ill probably rb this as i get further in. for reference, ive just gotten the lightship and directions to go to the four remaining rogress.

1. adele, strangely enough. in this point of the game, shes gone full blown yandere. and theres several points that have indicated that she is NOT doing well inside. particularly in a skit in the gula temple, alf talked about how shes been bottling up so much stuff and eventually it just exploded. and he lamented that he knew but didnt do anything about it. shes gone through so much shit and shes come out the other side an absolutely deplorable person. but i fucking love her as a character.

2. this might be a little obvious from my answer to #1, but alf, easily. theres just something special about younger brother prince trauma idk. that scene after the party gets arrested in diamant hit my fucking soul. weiss gloating over how he should just have the party executed while alf, separated from the group and surrounded by the guards that are supposed to protect him too BEGS his brother to let the others go. that scene just. AUGH also the way he blames himself for literally everything. even things he literally had zero way of causing. i am CERTAIN that him trying to fulfill his role as a child of eesa has a lot to do with his self imposed guilt. but its not even self imposed!! nobody just starts blaming themselves for everything for no reason. and we ALREADY know that weiss is an absolute dick bucket. he is for sure the cause of alfs current mental state. anyway i love me a good old fashioned pathetic man. i dont really like how hes been getting more and more incel coded as the games gone on tho. if that keeps up im stealing him and making him my oc and fixing his writing. whats imageepoch gonna do? they went bankrupt in 2015. eat my ass.

3. alf. next question.

4. l’arc. idk what the writers were doing but his ass is NOT a compelling character. hes an absolute dick to everyone. alf was keeping him in line for the first like 20 hours but now alf’s fucked off so we have to suffer through l’arcs existance unfiltered and hes fucking insufferable. the only good thing ive seen from him is that hes honest about how hes only doing the things hes doing for the money. but even then like COME ON. his employer is out here bombing cities and his ass is over there berating alf for being a “traitor” like dawg. be so fucking for real. the person alf is betraying is a fucking terrorist in charge of one of the most fucked up police states ive seen in a piece of media. also l’arc cant figure out whose fucking side hes on. which WOULD be compelling character wise if he wasnt trying to be wholly loyal to both weiss AND rifya and the whole imaginal thing WHILE ALSO constantly saying he doesnt give a shit. like i swear to god the word ive heard him sy most frequently is “whatever”. this is a bit of a hot take but i think the game shouldve been told from alfs perspecive. because alf is a compelling character and l’arc is a fucking bitch.

5. that one kopin in the race betting game at the casino whose tagline is “PASS ME AND I EAT YOU.” woody is his name. i fucking love woody. it also helps that hes one of the most profitable kopin to bet on.

6. oh god thats a hard one. ive mentioned the scene where the party is arrested in diamant. thats deffo up there. another REALLY banger scene is the scene at the top of the tower in antrax where the party splits up. also special shout out to that skit where alf reminisces with adele about hiking up a hill and eating sandwiches. bro dropped the fuckin “that might be my favorite memory of my whole life” line. and then had the audacity to say “nvm” when adele asked him to repeat himself. motherfucker how sad is your life that thats the happiest memory you can think of. i love you. im giving you forehead kisses you precious boy. OH AND I ALMOST FORGOT the scene in the church where we find out about the human experiments turing ppl into felldragons and then a few scenes later (or before? i dont remember) we find out serge is leon. fucking hell yeah bro.

7. i just downloaded the whole soundtrack the other day and literally every song is a banger. i havent listened to all of them for fear of spoilers, but the two themes for antrax took my heart out into the back alleys and shot it 20 times. i hope we get to rebuild antrax but im not gonna keep my hopes up. also the moon inn theme has a special place in my heart. i booted up the game for the first time in years and the first time i got to a moon inn i had to take a second and cry for a bit.

8. oh GOD. ignacy. hes such a fucking greasebag. i hate him so much but also AUGH. good character. terrible fucking person. i want to punch the shit out of his awful fucking face.

9. l’arc/alf. l’arc needs someone to reign his ass in and alf needs to feel like hes helping someone. it wouldnt be a HEALTHY relationship. at least not in the beginning. but i think if anyone could do it, they could.

10. serge & leslie. for being the “flirts” of the group they both give me such huge aroace vibes. i know theyre both in the party at the end of the game, so i know ill get more interactions between them and that makes me SO excited. theyre basically the parents of this goofy ass found family and i love it.

11. i dont know. i havent really interacted with the fandom at all. if two or three people can even be described as a “fandom”. most of the other ships i havent mentioned that exist are either straight up illegal or i just dont think theyd get together at all ever. im not shipping cecille with anyone cuz shes a fucking child. i REALLY dont think rastan is looking for a partner judging based on the line he said in the scripted loss ignacy fight about ignacy “paying for the death of his wife and child”. so i guess he had a wife and a kid and hes FOR SURE grieving that shit real hard. i dont really see ryfia getting with anyone. idk shes just super fucking sheltered and it would take a LOT before shed be in a position where she could actually give informed consent to anything. i cant think of a single reason for niko to get with anyone. especially considering the fact that the whole party is just constantly bullying him for no reason. and i cant think of any side characters that i would ship with anyone. although dynos and alf would go kinda hard if dynos would stop being a dick to alf. idk i guess i just dont have a least favorite ship.

12. rufunga. pretty big boobie lady. yes yes. i didnt get her tho unfortunately. alfs crew steamrolled me and i dont feel like grinding to beat that. especially cuz i know i fight alf and get all his rogress later. pretty water lady ill come get you eventually!!

13. neither? idk if thats even an option. but theyre kinda both lying to their respecive children of eesa. alf mentioned something about imaginal being an eletist prick and theres no way any child of eesa would choose real if the entire fine print was just “world go boom. new world time”. speaking of, people gotta learn informed consent in this fucking game. stop making contracts with gods when you dont know EXACTLY what youre getting into you stupid motherfuckers.

14. well THATS fucking ominous. not many have died yet. just zamuel and selena really. unless you count the untold innocents in antrax and benetnash. i already know niko dies later. thats a dumb fucking decision writing wise. the whole party has been bullying this kid since we fucking met him. and he sacrifices himself for them??? WHY????? in the gula temple he literally opens up to rastan and serge about feeling suicidal and nobody does anything about it. granted hes not SUPER clear with it. but what the fuck else is that supposed to look like. and rastan and serge just immediately blow him off just like everyone else does. fucking give this kid a break bro.

15. ive already listed a bunch of things i wish didnt happen earlier in the list, and therell probably be more listed later.

16. i havent really gotten much in that regard. but so far, both serge and rastan. the more i learn about them, the more i want to hold them in the palm of my hand and squish them. finding out serge was leon was fucking nuts, and rastans ass sitting there going “I FUCKING TOLD YOU PEOPLE SO” was hysterical. also i found out in a skit that rastans favorite flower is a lupine and WOAH those are so pretty.

like LOOK AT THEM THEYRE BEAUTIFUL. anyway. i am holding serge and rastan gently.

17. uhhh pretty much any of them would be cool as shit. NOT WEISS THO. OR IGNACY. THE WORLD DOESNT NEED MORE PSYCHOPATHIC SADISTIC BASTARDS

18. i was looking through the monster index a bit ago and this motherfucker stood out to me. i get that hes wearing little goggles but what is HAPPENING on the lower half of his face??? are those TEETH????? i think theyre teeth

also shout out to this silly little frog variant with a santa hat from around opalus. i love this stupid guy

also fuck his idle animation. motherfucker hops around and its IMPOSSIBLE to get a clean photo of his ass.

19. every single fight that begins with an enpty area and a dramatic angel choir before they jump in and start beating the shit out of you. those are fucking sick and they scare the fuck out of me EVERY time. also weiss. i fucking love the reveal of his wing arm thing. though, if it’s related to the felldragon experiments near ebur, i feel like he shouldve had some of the hozone crystal things in there somewhere. idk i just think those crystals are SO cool. theyre terrifying but also cool.

20. im guessing this is asking “whats your favorite animal outfit the party can wear”. the answer is rastan. motherfucker’s bear costume is so gigantic you cant even see the head. hes like 7 feet tall if you measure to the top of the bears head its RIDICULOUS.

21. im gonna go individual characters. and only the outfits i have so far. for l’arc its “meridian boy”. it makes me think about how he couldve had a normal life. a lot of things wouldve had to change, but its neat to think about. ryfia’s is “the artist”. she looks so cutie patootie in it. and the hat is adorable on her. rastan’s is the bear costume obviously. goofy ass motherfucker. for cecille its gotta be “frilly bikini”. she has a fucking neon green water pistol. have they even invented plastic yet?????? im not gonna question it. niko’s has to be his version of the “pilgrim’s robes”. that outfit is NOT hiding his imperial army uniform. what a silly little guy. serge’s original outfit is peak but his “pilgrim’s robes” compliment his hair so nicely. i dont remember if alf had any outfits. i think he had a swimsuit? seeing him shirtless was a little silly. hes so fucking pale lmao. adele got a cute little school dress and a swimsuit if i recall. the dress was cute. but her diva fit goes SO HARD. its INCREDIBLY impractical. but i love it anyway. and leslie isnt in my party officially yet but i know she will be in the end, and i have outfits for her. i havent seen it on her ingame, but i saw her shrine maiden dress online and its SO cute i love it. shes so mommy. but in a “shes definitely ace but makes sex jokes to fuck with people” way. thats canon btw. the second part at the very least. i dont think any of these characters have canon sexualities. OMG EXCEPT WAIT. SERGE. hes been flirting with everyone regardless of gender. my personal hc is that hes demisexual like me becaus thatd be sick.

22. oh thats easy. alf talking about adele’s mental state. i took photos of it.

i am holding alf so very gently

23. at the moment? the gun named “bugkiller”. its literally just bug spray with a gun trigger.

24. alf minus the incel bullshit. i fucking love my traumatized boy. and i relate a little too hard to the way he blames himself for other peoples actions

25. first step: cry for a bit about the state of the world. second step: realize its pretty much the same as the real world. third step: make a BEELINE for the new moon inn and live there forever.

26. i want l’arc to shut the fuck up for two seconds. or for a gay kiss. either between alf and l’arc or if rastan had a coming to gay jesus moment and kissed serge. thatd be awesome.

27. uhhhh idk i dont really associate any songs with the game other than the soundtrack for it. i booted it up for the first time in years and started a new file cuz i dont remember SHIT about what happens (i was up to the gula temple) and every single song that has played has made me put down my controller for a second and have a little bit of a cry. the moon inn and topazion/jada in particular hit me hard.

28. my mother bought a copy back when it first came out and she beat it. then one day i was rooting around the games cabinet trying to find something to play, and pulled it out. mom said i could play it (why i would need permission to play a fucking video game that we already own is beyond me but this post isnt about my abusive mother). i remember opening up her save at one point (the one she made VERY CLEAR that i was Not Allowed to Save Over or God Help Me) and she was in the final dungeon. i wandered around in there for a bit but had no idea how later aspects of the combat worked. i also DONT remember what the final dungeon looked like. i think it was purplish and greenish and in the middle of the map where the giant pocket of ocean is. thats all i got idk lol

29. rastan. theres a spot open for a parental figure in my life and i know my dad isnt opposed to kissing boys. i just know rastans a good dad. hes a little suicidal but hey everyone else in my family has dealt with ideation (myself included) so who cares.

30. i havent played the luminous arc stuff before so i cant say much about the series. but THIS game is so fucking good. the only bad thing is the english voice acting, but its so bad that its wrapped back around to being funny. but literally everything else is fucking great. the artstyle, the characters, the fucking story, the game mechanics. GOD. yummy game.

Welcome to the 30 Day Arc Rise Fantasia Challenge!

Favorite Female Character

Favorite Male Character

Favorite Character Overall

Least Favorite Character

Favorite Minor Character

Favorite Scene (party chats count as well)

Favorite Song

Favorite Villain

Favorite Romantic Ship

Favorite Platonic Ship

Least Favorite Ship

Favorite Rogress

Imaginal or Real?

A character you wish wasn’t dead

Something you wish didn’t happen

Favorite character backstory

A character you wish was real

Favorite monster

Favorite boss (side ones included)

Fursuits

Favorite alternative outfit (for one or any character or all)

Favorite quote

Favorite weapon

A character you find most relatable

What would you do if you suddenly found yourself in the world of ARF?

Something you wished happened but never did

A song that reminds you of the series

How did you find out about ARF?

What character would you want to be your best friend?

Why do you like/love this series?

[camtankerous]

When everyone else leaves the party so ur just drunk as hell alone at ur place

[munninghams]

☆ munninghams’ massive hellcheer masterpost ☆

well! i promised a big one. here it is :) hopefully people get some use out of this! i devoured a crazy amount of fics in an alarmingly short amount of time and nothing would make me happier than sharing them with u all. :) DISCLAIMER however. i read so manhy fuckin fics lmao. so this is part 1. ladies and theydies and everyone else, without further ado... them.

MULTICHAPS - COMPLETED

put your lips close to mine (as long as they don’t touch) - @percyjacksonfan3 

Here's the thing about Chrissy Cunningham: she actually is the straight laced dependable good girl that everyone thinks she is. 

She's also, until she starts having these weird visions that make her feel like she's going out of her mind, insanely bored.

 Or, alternatively, the fix-it AU where Chrissy doesn't die and she and Eddie try and figure out what the hell is going on with her. And with them. Also, the usual gang is there. Eventually. Because these two need some serious help fighting demons and figuring out that they are not just friends.

this is one of the best fics i’ve ever read. can’t recommend enough! vecna au, it feels ripped straight out of canon. the first hellcheer fic i read and what started the obsession!

someone reaching back for me - @enoughtotemptme

The first time Eddie Munson watches Chrissy Cunningham die isn't the worst. It's the second, because he had thought she was going to live this time.

//

The universe made a cosmic mistake the day Chrissy Cunningham was allowed to die. It set off a chain of events that led to catastrophe, at first local, then global, and eventually interdimensional. It led to the end of all there is, was, and would ever be.

But the universe is rather interested in self-preservation. It couldn’t save itself in the future, but it could save itself then.

If only someone would get it right.

vecna timeloop au. fuckin BANGER of a fic. a little angst, of course, (okay, kind of a lot) but it’s very worth it!!! 

graceland, too. (whatever she wants) - @cunnninghams

“Have you ever thought about anything you want to do before you die?”

“Who said anything about dying? I’m gonna live forever, Cunningham. A modern day Dracula, if you will.”

“… those bats didn’t bite you that hard.”

***

tired of living in fear after helping save hawkins, chrissy decides to make a bucket list. and who better to help cross things off than her unlikely new best friend, eddie munson.

bucketlist au baby! kind of a vecna au? the party defeats him anyway and this takes plce after that. sweet fluffy story (with a hint of angst) and rebel chrissy, which i love. so good ♥

ride the sky - @deathinasmalltown

He tucks his tin lunchbox under his arm, shoves the door open, and stumbles inside—

It’s very obviously not a bathroom, as he gets an eyeful of someone’s pale ass, against white sheets.

“Uh, sorry. My bad,” he mumbles at the two teenagers fucking on the bed.

They’re far too into it to even notice that he barged in on them. Well, he’d argue that the girl might be overselling it, if her exaggerated moans are anything to go by—he’s seen enough porn to know an actress when he sees one…or hears one, more like.

He tries to back out of the room as quickly and quietly as possible, but he yelps in shock at being blocked from leaving. He twists towards the person in his way just as he’s roughly shouldered to the side by a flurry of strawberry blonde hair.

yall. this one is so good lol. eddie is so funny and their chemistry is off the charts. it’s a big fuck jason carver from me! high school au, no vecna.

you really got me now. - @ melodicvinyl

Eddie Munson is not a hero. He’s the first one to admit that, and so even he is surprised when, two weeks into attending Hawkins University, he rescues a cheerleader.

Chrissy Cunningham is finally free of Oakview, Indiana and, most importantly, her mother. She's never felt at home anywhere until she meets a metalhead who lends her his pajamas and walks her home in the morning.

A 1980s College AU.

WOOOO BOY. i don’t even have words for this one. so good. college fluff, no vecna. it’s like chicken soup for the soul. can’t reccomend enough. there’s a sequel that’s incredible.

it’s different for girls - @adelaideelaine

Chrissy Cunningham experiences an unexpected sexual awakening during her senior year of high school.

exactly what it sounds like; chrissy coming to terms with herself and her life. so good. their chemistry in this one is PALPABLE. everything by this author is amazing!!! no vecna au <3

duality - @broomclosetkink

“Holy fuck, did I take acid?” he asks. Because he’s staring at himself in the mirror, but he is Chrissy Cunningham. Her hair is messy from being slept on, her face is bare of make-up, and she’s wearing a soft pink gown nightgown. It has little white flowers on it and a lace ribbon. He can see her nipples through the thin fabric.

“What the fuck,” he whispers. “What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck.” Chrissy’s face twists with his expressions, and Chrissy’s mouth forms the words, and Chrissy’s voice is a little hysterical in the big room.

OR

Eddissy Bodswap!AU

MAN y’all this is SUUUCH a good one lmao. i’ll happily read fifty fics with the same premise, but what i love about this one is that i haven’t seen this premise before or since i read this fic. sweet, heartwarming, sexy, and i cried. what more do you need!

tenderness - @adelaideelaine

Eddie Munson is determined to keep his head down and get through his last summer as a counselor at Camp Hawkins Lake (aka Camp Hawk)...until a certain cheerleader-turned-lifeguard catches his eye.

yeah baby! hot and heavy at a summer camp. literally what more can you ask for. no vecna here, just hot wet american summer vibes.

you drew stars around my scars - @em_jaye 

Hellfire Ink,” she repeated, glancing around the still-unsettled front room. “You’re a…tattoo parlor?”

“No,” he shook his head. “We specialize in Satanic calligraphy.”

Chrissy stared at him for a long beat before she snorted and covered her mouth to hide a laugh. Suddenly, Eddie wanted to make her do that again. And again.

THEE hellcheer flower shop/ tattoo parlor au. i reread this hoe and cry all the time. it’s so sweet, the story is so satisfying, and the characters feel like canon even in an au. so good!

of roses and thorns - CaCD

A soulmate AU

In a world where you share all your feelings with someone you most likely will never get to meet, Chrissy is trying at all costs to keep her head above water as she lives a life she has never got to choose for herself.

Enters Eddie, the last person she would have thought could bring happiness into her life. He shows her how to roll a joint, how to take control of her life and, maybe, if she finds the courage to meet him halfway, how to follow the string in her heart all the way to the other end.

Or: Chrissy and Eddie are soulmates, but things are never just that simple

one thing about me is that i love a mf soulmate au. and i’ve never seen two kids that are soulmates more than chrissy and eddie. a really good one.

[sitchski]

OMG!!!! more steve harrington x fem!black!reader smut PLEASE!!!!

hmmm.. only cuz you said please 🤭 no but lowkey i’m glad you asked this so i now have the excuse to post this yayyy!

off limits.

summary: your boyfriend loved to gloat about how lucky he was to have you, but what he didn’t know was that steve had you first.

pairing: steve harrington x fem!black!reader

includes: unprotected sex, rough sex, oral stimulation (f receiving), choking kink, pet names, dom!steve, older!sinclair!sister, cheating

author’s note: so idk if y’all have heard the song restroom occupied but that song is a BANGER. and i’m not sure why but it inspired this oneshot. so did scandal i have been watching aLOT of scandal. idk where i was… lost but i am now found. anyways enjoy !

steve harrington was a good friend. he was so good! you, him and robin became such a cute little trio even though he was to graduate pretty soon.

even while at school, he managed to keep a watchful eye on your little brother, lucas, and his friends, mike, will and dustin. the party as they liked to call themselves.

steve harrington was a great guy. so why was he doing something so bad? and why, oh, why did it have to be you?

"your boyfriend has some real fuckin' attitude, y'know that?" he muttered discreetly, pretending to look for something to drink as he caught you in the kitchen.

a house party, one your boyfriend was throwing. he was sweet... a little boring but ugh so sweet! you had been dating for a couple of months now and were truly starting to feel comfortable.

but ofcourse, right there to disturb your peace was him.

"attitude? you really wanna sit here and talk about attitude?" you countered through gritted teeth. you absentmindedly grabbed the first thing infront of you in order to get your eyes to look anywhere but at him.

you settled on a coke bottle, unscrewing the cap and pouring it into your cup as you continued, "this night has been so good. he invited you to his house in confidence. can you for once not let your pride get in the way and act cool? please?"

he rolled his eyes dramatically. he was over your pathetic pleading. he knew that wasn't what this was all about.

"y/n, look at me. look at me."

"nope. i've got a drink to make."

"look..." he emphasised sternly but still quietly. this caused you to put the bottle and glass down, sighing as you didn't give in just yet. "...at me."

though you did some internal fighting, you caved. locking eyes with him. you only saw admiration; pure admiration. so raw it turned ruthlessly animalistic. you knew, because of how well he inflicted it on you.

"d'you think it's been easy? watching—" his breathless laugh interrupted him, his head turning away for a brief moment. "watching him kiss you? touch up on you? stare at me with a fuckin' smug face like your thighs weren't locked around my head this same week?"

your mind instantly pulled up vivid screenshots of the act, causing you to inhale sharply. you couldn't look away, though. he didn't even touch physically to force you to hold that gaze but there was something strong, almost magnetic, telling you you didn't stand one chance.

he was the one to break it though, glancing down, at your dress. black, sleek, tight. his jaw clenched as he drank you in, parched the whole evening.

"fuckin' teasing me with that dress. you know, we know he's not the one you wore it for. like- like he would know what to do when the dress is off. like he would know how to make those thighs shake," he mumbled. his voice got lower the more he talked, supposedly jumping onto a train of thought himself. one that stopped at the same destination as yours did.

he looked back up at you again. "go to the bathroom in about ten minutes. i'll meet you there in five after."

you scoffed, looking away to give a studious laugh. "like that isn't gonna be any more obvious?"

"nope," he chugged his full cup and slammed it on the countertop, "was just leaving."

you watched as he said goodbye to all of your shared friends, stopping at your boyfriend, where the exchange was done awkwardly and tensely.

silently, you screamed. in your head there was only one reaction. your consciousness had sat down your heart in a chair where she was repeatedly getting beat up. but it didn't matter. no matter how hard the blows were, your heart was still beating. for him.

and it beat in a happy and excited rhythm as you waited in the bathroom. you leaned against the sink, arms folded and anticipating.

it was pathetic, really. how consumed and controlled you were by the connection you two shared. you fixed your hair in the mirror, smoothed out your dress and, out of nervous habit, nearly chewed through your pinky nail.

that was until he showed up. climbing through the window like this was the heist scene in a big action blockbuster. speechless, you eyeballed his terribly indiscreet entrance and the way he dusted his knees as though it was a job well done.

"james bond, everybody," you slyly commented on his overt performance, arms folded like a true member of the audience.

"shut up," he bluntly demanded before claiming your lips with a cup of your cheek.

he appreciated your banter, he always did, but not right now. you were doing something to him. just standing there you were doing it. as long as that dress stayed on your body there was no need for talking. it needed to come off you.

you moaned softly through your lip lock, hands moving to tug at his green sweatshirt. he stopped you though, pushing your hands away quite forcefully. breaking away from the kiss to stare at your body. sorry, the temptation known as your body.

"off."

the word was muttered at first but when you didn't do what he had ordered, he glanced up at you to repeat himself. "off, angel. take it off for me."

you were going to listen. obviously. but it didn't mean you weren't going to have fun while listening. slowly, one of your hand reached back to the zipper. it took a lifetime to undo a few zips, though in your world it was only a few seconds.

already way too much time. he gave up, grabbing you by the arm and spinning you around so your back could press up against his front. the bathroom mirror being right infront of you both, you kept your eyes on him as he began to talk. his right hand makes sure to wrap around your neck so your eyes don't do him the disservice of wandering.

"you tease me every single day, y/n. every day you're with him. kissing him, hugging him- quite frankly, i don't wanna talk about what you two do together, it'll just piss me off," he interrupted himself, breathing in for a second.

"but i finally get to have you all to myself, alone, and you fuckin' stand there and tease me in that dress? d'you have any idea how hard this night has been for me, baby?" he questioned as he pressed his lips against your cheek. while putting emphasis on the word, he decided to also make you feel something very hard that was growing in his jeans.

you hummed in pleasure, moving your ass against his hard slowly. this made him hiss, tightening the grip on your neck.

"i think you're gonna have to take all of me now. make up for it, no?" he proposed. but he didn't even have to; he knew that he has you trapped in an imminent chain. all signs only pointed to:

"yes."

"then take off your dress, beautiful."

that was how it all lead to this point. you sat on the sink, naked and legs spread wide open. how it lead to steve mercilessly rutting his cock inside you to the point where your mouth wasn't even capable of moaning his name anymore.

"good God," he groaned, hands grabbing you by the thighs and roughly pulling you closer. one hand gripped your neck again, forcing you to lock eyes with him.

the green sweatshirt he wore here was off quite quickly, though his pants were simply pulled down  as well as his boxers. he clearly didn't want to waste anytime but that didn't matter to you. the quicker he got inside of you the better.

your g-spot was being bruised and abused by this man, each thrust giving you that same wondrous sensation that got you closer and closer. there was something so specific about the way he stretched you out, how each vein from his girth caressed your walls and the way it almost hindered his roughness.

"look at you," he murmured with a hinge of endearment, "my good girl, my good pretty girl. taking every inch of my cock for me."

'my'. he always used that word 'my' when he knew it wasn't (totally) true. this was bad for you, it was so bad. but you couldn't never bring yourself to the focal point of guilt. not when your focal point was wrapping your legs around his torso as he lifted you up, slamming you against the wall beside the sink.

claiming your body with his strokes, giving you no real option but to scream his name.

"you gonna cum for me, angel? tell me, has your precious boyfriend ever gotten you this close?" he asked as if this whole ordeal was normal, as if it was normal to fuck a taken woman.

it was humiliating as it was gratifying. but you answered every question, gave into every taunt, moaned at every position, fuck, flick of his tongue. you were his. some stupid boyfriend didn't matter.

you answered sheepishly, "no, steve. only you. it's always been you."

your arms were wrapped around his neck tightly as you felt your stomach grow heavy and your legs grow weaker. he seemingly felt it too, burying his head in the crook of your neck after grunting loudly.

"shit," he cried, turning his head to the side so he could plant some sloppily placed kisses on your skin, "and you love it don't you? love my cock buried deep in you. love cumming all over my dick while your boyfriend wonders where you are, you love it don't you baby?"

him whining his words, begging you to release like he needed it more than oxygen seemed like pure mockery. jeering at your pathetic desire. your walls sunctioned around him, much to your dismay, as it let him know how powerful his words were.

he finally hit that spot that made you scream with pleasure, forcing him to quickly wrap his hand around your mouth. he wanted to scold you until you creaming all over his shaft felt way too good to focus. he grunted harshly, dropping his hand and nearly sinking from the feeling.

but you didn't even get a chance to ride out your high, as you were already being lifted. physically. steve had literally picked you up, throwing your legs over his shoulders and burying his head inbetween your legs.

naturally, you were petrified of falling. somehow, this thrill and fear added to your elation. it almost felt like a sick form of punishment for what you had done earlier — you were literally convulsing and he was eating your cunt like he wanted you to feel pain.

"fuck, steve!" you cried, bunching fistfuls of his hair against your palms. there, he stopped, muttering, "my thighs, my beautiful angel. mine," he looked up at you, hopefully.

breathlessly, unconsciously, you confirmed to him, "yours."

him beneath you like this, watchful and attentive eyes made you get a surge of power. maybe the feeling was shared. steve harrington possibly feels controlled by you and not the other way around.

although, that thought is soon gone as he let you down. his eyes didn't leave you once. not even as he grabbed your hand and lead you to the door. he didn't open it, he didn't unlock it. all he did was press your bodies against it.

"s-steve?" you murmured, "what are you—" you glanced back to see him removing his pants fully from his body, wanting to get comfortable is what you presumed.

"oh, me?" he reiterated, "i'm taking my pants off."

you rolled your eyes at his fake cluelessness. stopping you from opening your mouth was the jolting force that was him grabbing you by the hood and forcing his backside right against his front.

"and i'm also fucking you against this door so he knows exactly who you belong to."

[asymmetryestablished]

I’m late as hell to the party and literally nobody asked but I’ve finally delivered. here is my Totally Very Official™

One Piece Film Red Song Ranking

from worst to best because tradition or something

I’m going off the original japanese versions, from the album rather than the movie because I feel like it. also that way I get to include Binks’ Brew which everyone knows is a banger

#8 (track 6) The World’s Continuation. this is a good song and I like it! it’s also the only song from Film Red whose melody I can’t consistently call to mind, which makes it by default the worst one. also when I’m listening to the album in the car it’s the one I have to skip because it puts me to sleep, which probably has something to do with why I can’t remember it, but listen, it doesn’t matter. it’s still a lovely song, if a little forgettable

#7 (track 8) BINKUSUNO SAKE. listen I love Binks’ Brew as much as the next pirate but it simply does not suit Ado’s studio-recorded voice as well as it suits drunken sing-alongs. really this just goes to show what bangers every other track on this album is bc from here on out the ratings are all super close

#6 (track 1) New Genesis. GOOD fuckin song. highly recommend starting your road trip with this. for maximum drama, try and time it so the drums kick in just as you hit the highway and step on the gas

#5 (track 2) I’m Invincible. errbody loves a villain song, right? also I would absolutely have ranked this below New Genesis if not for the week or so where it got stuck in my head like twelve times. New Genesis is great but New Genesis did not give me that level of earworm so clearly this track was doing something right

#4 (track 7) Where the Wind Blows. this song is fucking gorgeous and I love it. still gets stuck in my head regularly. the only reason it’s not ranked higher is because fucking look at what is, my dude, cut me some slack. 10/10 ballad, absolutely stellar, literally the only downside is that I can’t bop to it

#3 (track 4) Fleeting Lullaby. SPEAKING OF SONGS I CAN BOP TO. HOT DAMN. this song is so fucking weird and funky and energetic and insane and I love it. a musical fever dream. Uta is insane, Ado’s voice is insane, this song is a total banger

#2 (track 5) Tot Musica. YEAHHHHHHHH BABY. the first song I heard from Film Red, & the first thing that convinced me it’d be worth my time to actually watch the movie. everybody loves Tot Musica. it’s the eardrum-blowing-out song. also it was composed by Hiroyuki motherfucking Sawano which explains So Much. but yeah this song fucks so hard

#1 (track 3) Backlight. listen. LISTEN. Tot Musica may hold a very special place in my heart, and I do love the drama, but I will ALWAYS be a slut for a good rock number. also the whole second verse (which they cut out of the movie for whatever reason) is about being obsessed with “red”. wonder who that could be. anyway this song was my fav even before I looked up the lyrics, it’s just such an absolute banger and I love it so much. the perfect mix of showy, yet singable, & funky, & angry as hell, & so many lines just scratch my brain itches so good, like the lyrics just sound good you know? good fuckin song

Final Thoughts: good songs, great album, literally better than the movie tbh. highly recommend buying it if you’re a CD-buying kinda guy, it’s available on Interscope Records’ website for only like $14USD or something like that

[typhos-c-dragon]

had another weird hatchetfield dream! the details of it are a little foggy but i think i know what my brain was going for, so i'll try my best.

so this one kinda had the vibes of a nmt s2 episode, and i don't think it had a title. basically, i think what my brain was trying to do was make it a plot about a movie director who comes to hatchetfield high because he's making a film adaptation of some horror novel and he wants to cast teens from hf high to play the characters, but the horrors from the book/film start actually happening to the kids cast. which like, honestly? kind of a banger of an idea, brothers lang, write this down (/j).

anyways, here's the things about the dream that make it weird and funny!

the book the director was adapting was called "i know a fly who swallowed an old lady", which is fucking hilarious to me, especially since there was no fly-related horrors in the book or movie. it played out more like a vampire movie, i think? also, i think the big reveal was that the book was cursed, and that's why all this horrifying shit was happening to the kids? not sure.

grace chasity was there, steph lauter was there, and a nerdy character who was played by nick lang and was a love interest to steph was there, but he wasn't pete??? straight up, i don't remember what name my dream gave him, but it didn't call him pete. fuckin weird.

for the first time ever in one of my hatchetfield dreams, my brain decided to try and cook up a song! emphasis on "try"! i guess one of the filming locations in the story was like,,, some amusement park in hatchetfield that wasn't watcher world? and the mascot was like,,, some dude in some party city-ass banana costume?? and he had a very brief- i'm talking like ten seconds, musical number where he goes berserk and starts chasing the main characters. i do not remember what this song sounded like. the banana guy was played by jon matteson.

[sunjaesol]

THE MANY CRUSHES OF LUKE PATTERSON... AND THE ONE THAT STUCK

💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌

1982

Luke Patterson's first crush ever was Haley Martin. He adored the colour of her hair — like the clementines his mom bought — and the way she finger-painted, enough for his four year old eyes to stare at her in awe.

He watched her make mud pies in the sandbox from the monkey bars, only to ruin them to get a rise out of her. He couldn't understand why she didn't like him the way he did, so he nagged his mom to explain.

"Teasing girls should be fun for them too, sweetheart," she soothed. "This Haley clearly didn't like it."

He blinked. "Huh?"

Her smile stayed warm, similar to hot chocolate and whenever grandpa conjured candies from behind his ear. "Why don't you share your grapes with her tomorrow? I'm sure she'll like that."

His nose scrunched up. "Why?"

"Because it's sweet, Luke."

"I don't get that," he shrugged. "But I'll try."

The next day, he sat beside her during storybook time and that seemed to help a little already. By the time it was lunch, her mood was lifted, which excited him too, and urged him to offer the grapes.

It earned him a featherlight kiss on the cheek.

Luke squeaked in surprise, flushing a firetruck red, to which she giggled and plopped another grape in her mouth.

Three days later, his crush was gone from his mind and he began sharing his grapes with his new friend Reginald instead.

1986

"Can you ask Jessica what she thinks of me?" Luke hurriedly whispered, eyes flickering between Reggie and the girl from across the courtyard.

Normally, Luke Patterson exuded confidence. The resident class clown, always opening his jaw to react to the teacher without raising his hand, catching fights with stupid classmates, sneaking into dad's stationwagon to create mixtapes.

Fearlessness was his freaking middle name. (It was actually Beck, but whatever. He wished it was something cool like Duran Duran though.)

But when it came to girls... he got so nervous. Because they were girls! He didn't understand them! They hated rambunctious boys and only listened to stupid pop music and blabbered about how they stole makeup from their sisters.

Jessica, however, somehow made his heart flutter and his stomach twist up. She just looked cool in her dungarees and she had a pretty smile and she didn't wear that overwhelming, sugary perfume that was now popular.

Reggie snickered, in the way only eight year old boys could. "You liiiiiiike her!"

"No!" He scowled. "I–I'm just curious."

"Sure," he drawled, but then shrugged in agreement, the oversized leather jacket rustling on his shoulders. He stole it from his older brother after he saw him kissing (!!!) some girl and figured it held some magic to impress the ladies with.

"Just do it!"

With a dramatic flourish, the boy left their hiding spot, Luke lurking around the corner of the alcove to watch. Jessica looked up from her hard work of creating friendship bracelets and smiled at Reggie.

Oh, gosh. She was pretty.

A minute later, a sheepish Reg slowly crawled back to him, cheeks red and fiddling with the zipper of his jacket.

Luke grabbed his shoulders, urgent. "What did she say?"

"Uh... well..."

"C'mon, dude!"

Reggie sighed. "She... likes me, buddy. Sorry."

His hopeful face crashed into one of devestation, quickly covering it up with a laugh and a squeeze of the shoulder. Oh, man, what would Steven Tyler do?

"That– that's dope!"

In the end, Reggie and Jessica were boyfriend and girlfriend for a week while he wrote an angry poem about how stupid dungarees were.

Huh... it was surprisingly good.

1988

"Hey, Luke," Gwenn greeted, shy, tucking her hands in her Camp Wacky Rocka hoodie. "I really liked that song you made about your guitar."

Jumping from the tree branch to the ground, Luke dazzled her with an appreciative smile. From above, Reggie and their new friend Alex watched on curiously.

"Thanks!"

Who would've thought that summer camp would be the first time he made a real, girl friend! Gwenn was super cool and she played the saxophone and she liked Joan Jett and her hair was all curly and big and it reminded him of pretty clouds.

Looking over her shoulder, he noticed a gaggle of girls staring at them. Like they were waiting.

Gwenn stared at him. "Can you close your eyes?"

He frowned. "Why?"

"Just 'cause."

Whatever. Maybe she wanted to show him something cool and would stick it in his hand. Complying, he closed his eyes and impatiently waited, bouncing on his heels.

"So?"

Suddenly, he felt a light, warm touch on his mouth and — oh! She was kissing him!

Luke staggered back in surprise, gawking at a blushing Gwenn as she squeaked a sorry and ran back to the now giggling and screeching girls. They ran away like a flock of birds.

It was a dare! His first kiss, stolen by a dare!

His boys jumped down beside him, awed.

Reggie hollered. "You kissed Gwenn!"

"I don't get it," Alex muttered.

Luke's face twisted up in a sour expression. Camp Wacky Rocka should be all about the music and becoming legends and Gwenn ruined it!

He stuck his tongue out. "Whatever. Let's go to the mess hall!"

1989

When Luke turned eleven, he kissed someone for real.

His birthday party was at the arcade, loud chatter and robotic sounds clashing together in an amazing cacophony. His parents hated the place, which is why Luke loved it.

Of the twenty guests, Yasmine clapped the loudest after he finished his song with the boys — Math Is For Losers! — and grabbed his hand as they walked to a duel game.

Luke felt fuckin' giddy the entire time. (Freakin' in front of his parents, fuckin' with friends.) The swoop in his stomach, his cheeks stretched into a wide beam.

Freshly eleven and the king of the arcade, he boldly asked if he could kiss her.

She smiled, her purple headband glittering in the neon lights, and nodded.

It was short and warm and her lips tasted like pink lemonade and sour gummies and it gave him an entirely new buzz. It was exciting.

He kissed her a couple more times the days after, eager and curious, until she claimed she was now only interested in twelve year old boys.

Since Luke now held the record of most kisses between him, Alex and Reggie, he wasn't too bothered by it. They shook hands, complimented each other on the kissing, and that was that.

1992

"Are you or are you not my boyfriend?" Olivia bit, crossing her arms.

Luke sighed, lazy gaze drifting from her to his band waiting by their bikes. Damn, he thought having a girlfriend would be way easier. Why was she so tense?

"I am," he said. "Why do you think I'm not?"

"Because you ignore me, like, all the time!" Pouting, she fiddled with the hem of her tartan skirt. "And now you're going to be with your band!"

He shrugged. "You can come with us and listen, if you want."

Luke met Olivia this year as deskmates in French class. Her raven hair was long and thick and her lips were all shiny from lip gloss and maybe he got a little cocky, thinking he could be dating the hottest girl of freshman year, so he naturally asked her out.

Maybe he should've considered beforehand whether they had anything in common, but he'd always been the overzealous type. And besides... she was a good kisser.

She scoffed. "That's not any better. Whatever. I'll just hang with Tina and Priscilla then. Laters!"

Plopping a kiss on his lips, she turned around and stalked to her whispering friends. Luke puffed, adjusted the beanie and made his way to the boys.

Girls were confusing.

"I bet dating boys is easier," Alex mused. "Like, equally terrifying, but also... easier. I think. Maybe."

Bobby laughed. "How's the girlfriend, Luke?"

"Ha ha," he deadpanned. "Let's go. I got this new song, Crooked Teeth, and it's a fucking banger!"

Olivia broke up with him after Sunset Curve's first, official gig at the arcade with the explanation that he loved music more than her. He never loved her to begin with, so maybe that was the problem.

She made out with Bobby that same night.

Holy shit, man. He supposed that bitter feeling at the sight of them tasted like rock 'n roll, the one thing he actually craved.

What a funny, funny feeling. (He wrote a hell of a lot of songs about it after. He never quite looked at Bobby the same way either.)

1995

"Hey, Maisie." Leaning against the locker beside the girl, he shot her a million dollar smile. "You comin' to our gig tonight? It's at The Orpheum."

Maisie was fucking awesome. Always in short, flowery dresses and fishnet tights and thick eyeliner like a rockstar, always listening to something new on her walkman. She came from a rich family, but that didn't hinder them from becoming friends.

Her jaw fell slack in awe, him instantly gaining more confidence. Ducking his head to meet her eye, he leaned a little closer. He knew damn well what he was doing, and he got a thrill every time it worked.

"Really?" She gasped. "That's awesome! I'll so be there!"

"Sweet," he grinned. "And stay after too."

A brow quirked up, intrigued. "Why?"

He shrugged. "Just 'cause."

"Right," she drawled. "Nothing is 'just because' with you, Luke."

"And that's why you gotta stay," he teased, nudging her shoe with his. "To find out."

If they rocked that gig and he felt like a fucking legend, he hoped it would end with the two of them hooking up. He wasn't interested in dating — having learned his lesson after Olivia — and he knew she wasn't either, but she was fun.

And that was the most important to him: to have fucking fun. Luke Patterson was here for a good time, not a long time.

And if nothing happened between him and Maisie, then he'd still feel like a legend. In a couple of hours, he was going to play at The Orpheum! How gnarly was that?!

2022

Twenty-seven years later, Luke was still seventeen years old. While he preferred to not question the science behind ghostly activities — he flunked physics anyway — he was happy that he froze at this age.

Because Julie was seventeen, too.

And, man. He was madly in love with her.

He loved everything, from the babyhairs curling around her ears, to her voice and compassionate soul, to her beautiful smile, all the way to her cute, doodled sneakers.

Her epic music taste, her snark, the way she always found his gaze, the way she finished his lyrics, the way she always knew what to say to make him feel better.

His heart melted to a flickering candle whenever she hugged him, a raging wildfire erupting between every kiss. He was a fool for her.

"Stop moving," she giggled, one hand coming up to hold his chin.

He grinned, "Sorry, Jules."

Shifting closer, she dabbled more glitter on his cheeks. They were playing at a black-light club tonight, so Julie and Flynn bought all the glow in the dark makeup available at the store for the occasion.

They looked ridiculous in daylight, Julie's weirdly pink lipstick claiming all his attention, but he knew they'd look fucking cool once the lights went down.

"You want to watch a movie after the gig?" she whispered.

Luke rolled his eyes, playful. "You're gonna fall asleep."

"Yeah." With a bashful tilt of the shoulder, she leaned in closer. "But then you'll be with me."

"Julie! How scandalous," he teased, though his chest swelled at the thought of having some alone time, some cuddle time, with Julie.

"So?"

Murmuring a yes, he closed the little distance to kiss her, sealing the deal, only for her to chase after him — an attempt to wipe the lipstick stain off his lips.

"Nah, keep it." A smirk grew. "So the people know."

She tsked. "Idiot."

"You like it."

"I'm still taking it off though, seeing as you're supposed to be a hologram," she pointed out. "But... you can kiss my lipstick away after the show."

He sighed, dreamy. "I love you."

Finishing his glitter and removing the stain, she dazzled him with a satisfied smile. "Love you too."

She rose up from the couch and went to search for Reggie, the boy likely with Carlos. For a moment, Luke was alone in the studio, allowing himself to sink into that warm, fuzzy feeling.

No matter how many blunders he went through with girls — Haley, Jessica, Gwenn, Yasmine, Olivia, Maisie — they all prepared him, in one way or the other, for Julie.

To not only recognise when an awesome girl was standing right in front of him, but also how to treat her — because Julie Molina deserved the fucking world.

Even if that world now included the supernatural.

Whatever. They were all a little crazy.

💌💌💌💌💌💌💌💌

@bluefirewrites @blush-and-books @pink-flame @ourstarscollided @constantly-singing @unsaid-emily @willexx

[plightofthecentipede]

my initial reactions to red tv

(i wrote this down on my first listen thru but was way too exhausted that night to post it lol)

state of grace: it sounds like, kinda rushed but i think that’s probably just me being a little anxious cause its one of my favorite songs. she sounds fantastic oh my god the notes

red: OH HELL YEAH SHE SOUNDS GOOOOOOOD. the guitar!! the production!! im obsessed this song was already so good and just feels like revitalized now i love it. THE BRIIIIIDDGE. it fucks!!!

treacherous: oh she sounds so soft and good its stunning how much her voice has matured in the last decade. gorgeous incredible showstopping. the background vox are perfection

ikywt: oh it slaps i knew it would. the beat drop sounds a little more modern i love it. i can hear so much more in the background its so cool.

all too well: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 she sounds so good but im crying oh god.

22: oh this is so good and fun. i love that shes almost 32 singing this you can hear her having fun with it. it definitely sounds less authentically young than the og does but i think her voice and the production are also more pleasant to listen to now. im so excited for anyone whos 22 right now and has this.

i almost do: ohh the “i cant say hello to you” line hit DIFFERENT i love it. the guitar coming thru in the last chorus actually reminds me so much of debut era which i am SO excited to hear rerecorded. god she can do things with ballads now that she couldnt before and its so good. like 3 separate syllables in “mess” in “we made quite a mess babe” it sounds excellent.

wanegbt: shes gotten so good at the singing-like-shes-talking thing the snark comes thru so strong blondie i love u. its a bop it sounds so great. the “wheeeEEE” is so high pitched but i think its funny

stay stay stay: oh her voice sounds softer i really like it. the fake country twang has returned lol good for her. recreating the giggle “its so fun” at the end feels Mildly weird to me but whatever its cute.

the last time: OH HI GARY LIGHTBODY his vocals sound soo good. IS THAT A HEARTBEAT IN THE BACKGROUND. UHHhhhhh??? OH. OH WOW. aAHh. okay!! okay. i feel normal and fine. this fucks. everything sounds so clear. its cinematic. groundbreaking spectacular.

holy ground: YEAH YEAH YEAHHHHHHH BABEYYYY. god she sounds so fucking good im losing braincells. i was hoping she’d do the deep throaty joan jett “DUST!!” she did at that one 2017 (i think?) show but its still good.

sad beautiful tragic: this needs to be in a movie someone needs to use tbis. fuck its good. this song doesnt need a big show to be spectacular its just so fucking cutthroat shes just such a good writer.

the lucky one: her singing this after 2016 hits different huh ah its soo good tho. ppl always slept on this one but its a banger.

everything has changed: good lord this album is long. ok. ed sheeran sucks but its a good song. i dont like that i can hear more of eds backing vox in taylors lines hes so annoying.“all i know is pouring rain” always fuckin gets me its good. she sounds stunning.

starlight: i am literally a barbie on the boardwalk. she sounds SO GOOD god!!! this bitch really tried so hard to become a kennedy. go girlboss. the new production does so much for this song i love it.

begin again: this songs perfect always has been always will be <33

the moment i knew: he literally didnt go to her birthday party…. anyway hhghh ive always loved this one its just so big and sparkly and dramatic and heartbreaking.

come back be here: yeah yeahhhh yeAHHHH always been in like my top ten songs im so glad to have this. not much different rlly but her vocals are insane. love u blondie

girl at home: OHHH IFS SO DIFFERENT AND COOL!!! i love the og but i think taylor was like no one likes this so i can do what i want. anyway its VERY cool & reminds me of 1989 and rep. girl isnt at home shes in a club i think. i like it!!

state of grace acoustic: mystical and enchanting <333

ronan: yeah i cant handle this song im listening to it once for release night but probably wont be listening much its too rough. she sounds good but christ dude.

better man: oooh the melody changes are interesting. i think its gonna grow on me i kinda liked the stripped back country approach to it more but i like hearing taylor do it more than little big town.

nothing new: PHHHOOOOEEEEBE!!! she got a verse <33 oh fuck these lyrics hits hard. women.

babe: what about your PROMISES PROMISES??? what ABOUT them!!! hearing this in her voice just hits different.

message in a bottle: ooh this is SO glittery sparkly christmas pop. like this sounds like a christmas song. this is the prelude to christmas tree farm. its cute!! it feels like a disney song lmao i like it tho

i bet you think about me: it sounds so good i rlly enjoy the sound but this is SO funny does taylor think shes poor? im sorry girlie do you think you grew up a poor working class farm girl?? bestie???????? its a good song tho. fuck the gyllenhaals. “your organic shoes” ajdjfjjsjdjd get his ass

forever winter: the way im getting i’d lie vibes from this omg. love it. its another christmas pop ballad. im convinced im hearing sleigh bells in the background. good for her.

run: tragically im forced to really like a song that has ed sheeran in it. wish they would stop doing this to me hes so annoying but its a rlly good song. kinda reminds me of dead hearts by stars.

the very first night: they dont know!! about the night!! in the hotel!!!!!! the prologue to dress. once again this is quite clearly a christmas bop. did taylor want to write an og christmas album in 2012??? this is very fun tho im enjoying it.

all too well 10mv: mentally im unwell. blondie signed my death certificate w this one. like. oh wow. all the new lore about this rlly changes the perspective on this relationship and makes it sound so much more toxic than the og atw did. “ILL GET OLDER BUT YOUR LOVERS WILL STAY MY AGE.” im revving my chainsaw. im crying in a river. the production!!! i rlly like the drums and the light synth its different but not too different from the original. the lyrics holy fuck taylors taking no hostages. “just between us did the love affair maim you too?” i wasnt even there and it maimed me so. that outro is so haunting she literally sounds like a ghost.

[vanityloves]

anyways im gonna listen to/read the fuckin...rise of the ogre shit bc ive been putting it off 🪓🥴 im gonna put stuff under the cut bc im gonna be TALKING n dont wanna make a new post everytime

piss

ok he performed for 2 pounds 50. which is basically $3 today i- well it was absolutely a power play on his father behalf that also had the promise of money so.

also lol he said Rejection fueled my ambitions which, yknow,, i already knew but it still hurts and i will continue to talk ab it xoxo

AH HELP. "...if ebay had been invented at the time he would've sold me online there and then,"

"man hands on misery to man, yknow"

THEN PROCEEDS TO CONNECT IT TO MUSIC/HIS CAREER. this man said :) the one thing i truly have a passion for. the one thing i fucking like.

oh yeah. bullied by students AND teachers.

oh god hes 42ish during this interview? ok.

the fuckin school bully saying he wouldve acted differently if he knew what hed become

getting called "faceache", then proceeds to call 2d that. jfc he really does just repeat what everyone says. really "treating others how i was treated/how they treat me"

maybe thats why? hes kinder to fans? bc :] you support me and like me so, ok ill return that energy

MURDOC GETTING HIS ASS BEAT N PARADING HOME LIKE WELL I WON BC 'I PISSED YOU OFF' SJDJD

a real rowdy boy. absolute nasty boy. fraud and arson... shooting ppls windows with his air pistols

black sabbath being a huge inspiration? fucking absolutely.

became a satanist n shit at age 16? "it fitted me like a glove" "heavy metal and devil worshipping became my favorite past times" ajsj funny that ppl in trying times often seek religion or following of some sort

heavy metal being his favorite, n loving the clash, while hannibals was more punk based

hannibal breaking murdocs nose for the 2nd and 3rd time for playing his music on hannibals turntable

he doesnt sound that bitter? ab hannibal? he doesnt sound incredibly fond but he talks ab how he got him into a lot of music. so, i imagine they we're a bit closer than i thought?

international baccalaureate in antisocial? anthropology?

MURDOC IS ACTUALLY SMART HE WAS JUST. NOT INTERESTED IN THE SUBJECTS? I GUESS? (also,,, he literally Built cyborg noodle and i think he had a PhD too lol. but its always nice to hear hes actually...yknow, interested or good at other things)

alright but murdoc having a fascination w/ other cultures - or at least some interests, that lead him to actually study the damn subject and "pass with flying colors"

'fuck college though. im gonna be a rockstar'

he sold his soul at 18ish? whenever the fuck he got kicked out but college was mentioned so my brain goes to 18ish idk

he lived with his father still and paid rent via low paying jobs one including 'part time dressing as santa'

help he was ab to take a Personal Job for quick cash and uhh well, "still made me call him sir though" he really said 20 dollars is 20 dollars, huh "that story was totally true"

alright, 1997,,,

2d stuff

loves zombie stuff? thats really cute, and is freaked out by the way they move. god he rambles

both he and murdoc are horses in the chinese zodiac

[[jfc ok if the official shit compares them a lot i understand why ppl ship them but Dont. its a narrative foil and that doesnt always mean Romance jfc.]]

SUMTHINK.

truly... a lil stinker. super cute bouncing baby and a "bit thick" which is stull so endearing to me. hes just a happy man!

excitable 10 year old and would dance around his room

jfc the fact he has normal/caring parents. i kinda forget how opposite hes supposed to be from murdoc but i think thats another thing jsjsysg (murdoc said why isnt my tragic story making me famous why does he get to be the Star. no wonder he acts like a loon)

i still dont get how gettin bonked by a tree branch made him go bald and also turn his hair blue

big tiddy nurse mommy,,,

went to the same school as The Cure and got decent grades despite hittin the noggin quite hard. WANTED TO BE A STORM CHASER... OMG??

oh thats really cute, hed bond with his dad by building keyboards toegther 🥺💕

messed around with paints and graffiti? artistic king

MURDOC AGAIN: QHDJ 'VILLANOUS' GANG HELP

oh yeah d day...new instruments, new band, new singer - and 'had to be the best or no dice' and absolutely CONFIDENT that his songs were bangers ajsjd

but on that same note, had absolute faith (or desperate) in 2d which i love

ransacked the fucking music shop jdjdj and 2d said he was Just Standing There behind the counter the whole shift hdhdh

"thats when your eye came out, yeah" "yeah!-" HELP WHY DOES HE SOUND SO HAPPY AB IT ?? yes he said ut hurt but he sounds...ok

jfc murdoc ragdolling this poor mf around. dunking him and slapping him around. actually? so incredibly terrible and abusive and i hate him for that 🔫 im sorry 2d stans. we dont condone that behavior here ong.

how and why the FUCK did 2d's parents allow that fucker near their child after that i??? help. wtf. his moms a nurse why didnt she just have murdoc sit in plain view of other people. god damn.

2d flying out the window n hitting the curb "whoops"

"just two black holes...[ah] it looked great...a blue hair, blacked eyed GOD- the girls would go wild-" "pretty boy looks" ???? HELP. HE DOESNT GO LIGHT ON THE COMPLIMENTS, HUH

RUSS TIME

oh yeah, he straight up kiddnapped this man help. idk how he managed that, russ is a Big Man??

AND MURDOCS MUSIC WAS SO FUCKING SEXY GOOD that russel said hm alright ill stay, :] out ifbhis owm free will im screaming.

"oh this is one of them febreeze commercials" "uh . yeah sure. *murdoc turning on his Sick Tunes*" but that either means? it was just his guitar playing the convinced russ? unless he and 2d recorded sumn?

"2d was the looks, murdoc the brains, then russel truly was the heart"

'while 2d and murdoc liked music, this man was a MUSICIAN' god fucking bless this book holy shit ny man russ getting some respect. he said back hurts from carrying this band.

murdoc basically heard this guy had big trauma that gave him So Many Skills n said "thats what i want" ok idk thats actually really? inch rest ting to me. seems that murdocs fine handing out compliments but i guess that where his charisma really helps out yeah?

"he was going to be in my band whether he liked it or not" ...murdoc-

HELP. 2D IS LIKE BRO GO ON IM LISTENING 🥺 despite hearing the story 50-60 times and murdoc said fuck off you lil shit.

ok irrelevant but i love his voice! its super comforting n nice to listen to 🥺

HELP MURDOCS SO BITTER. "NOTHING THAT HAPPENS TO US IS NORMAL" WELL YEAH. THIS IS TRAUMA CENTRAL.

idk how/why he sucked up all his friends souls though ... how are they all possessing the same person. they said "its my turn on The Russ"

DELL IS HIS ACTUAL, LITERAL SOULMATE...KING...😭

went to a private school,,, and was already possessed? and the thing where he gets bigger and smaller is a reoccurring thing?

was in a coma for 4 years?

hiphop machine...time and history...the ultimate set i guess.

his knowledge was infinite and hes a "Renaissance man" hes so fucking smart our king. jack of all trades but a master of drums. he said i know im good and what of it

PAULA.

HELP. HE RMBRS THE STALL: CUBICAL NUMBER 3 🥴 IF I DO RECALL 🤤

yes russel our king. fuck up his nose 5 more times. probably stunted his growth too. he shrunk after russ gave him a wallop im sure

why dies paula sound like tracer overwatch

also only dated 2d for 2 months before joining the band?

HELP SHE REALLY WAS THE FIRST MURDOC FUCKER: "but when i saw murdoc with his thick greasy hair, green teeth and yellow skin i thought 'oh this is the ine for me!'" "OH HES SUCH A DANDY-" HELP ME IM HQJDHD

sick in the head...like i want to hurt people help girl. shes fucking Crazy. but she rly said damn i didnt hear back from him again 😭 and my purse is gone JSHHD

MURDOC: SHE WAS DEPRESSINGLY UGLY *still fucked her*

NOODLE TIME

"small japanese person!"

2d: we werent gorillaz until noodle arrived!

im dying the reason he chose gorillaz. 'swinging through the jungle baring my ass'

noodle really said "im just happy to be here" and she balanced everyone out 😭 "she gave off pure love and the fact that she could laugh at murdoc REALLY helped too" RUSS... IS BABY

JFC MURDOCS SO FUCKING CONFIDENT IN THIS BAND IM LIVING FOR THAT. HE SAID YOU WANT US SO BAD IT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID. THE CHARISMA

2d rambling ab some girl he met and "ssSs" "whats the s stand for hawhaw" "i dont know!".

THE RECORD LABEL GUY.

one song is all it took i ❤ good for them

just murdoc talking ab the party that they threw for thier deal and saying "you dont know how much of a dick i felt like [when carrying one of those huge checks]" like oh thats whatll make you a dick? alright.

A FOOD FIGHT THAT WENT SO HARD THAT IT KNOCKED 2DS TONSILS OUT? WHAT THE FUCK

ahshdj damon and murdoc not getting along bc of Rival Band One Uppery + damon calling murdocs cuban heels crap since ge wore steel ones with gold spurs.

MURDOC FEELIN EMBARRASSED BC HES 'QUITE PROUD OF HIS SHOES'

but the band and damon getting over music and their ambitions and became a "paternal figure"

HELP MURDOC SAID AWIOGA @ RACHEL WHICH MADE HER THROW HER DRINK IN HIS FACE AND SPLIT FROM 2D. kinda sad actually, she said i still like 2d but murdoc kinda ruined it by trying to get it in with me, it put a strain in our relationship :/ oh god murdocs That Dude

nov 31 1998: started recording :]

40 tracks that got cut down to 15 holy shit

KONG STUDIOS 🤲

hooking up cameras in every room ejdjsu

webby artist of the year in 2006? holy shit

noodle learning ab kong studios omfg

JFC. YES I KNEW KONG WAS BUILT ON/IN A CEMETERY BUT I DIDNT KNOW PPL FOR THE FUCKING PLAGUE WHERE THROWN THERE HDJD

built in 1739?

the ghost of the first owners ghost still roams around in the kitchen in the early hours and moans 'aaa glass of water'

theres some rotting bullshit near the studios and in the summer its fucking TERRIBLE

the former owners were a biker gang, and they all died in a fire

murdoc said this place has bad vibes. i want it.

grim weather

the building feels impossible to escape from huHgg

[violetwolfraven]

It’s A Romcom Cliche

@gendistic42 here’s something I wrote as a Christmas present for you! I’m a bit swamped right now as far as writing projects but I may expand on this later. For now, enjoy a holiday piece. :)

I’ve never written from Mike’s perspective before, so this should be interesting.

Tw: underage drinking, general teenage chaos, vomit, who knows how to write that kind of party that doesn’t actually exist anywhere but in movies? not me!

Mike was definitely a bit drunk right now, but in his defense, he didn’t actually know the eggnog was spiked until he’d already had a huge cup and Ike told him matter-of-factly that he was going to throw up later.

In hindsight, Mike really should have seen that coming, but honestly he probably would have drank it anyway. It wasn’t like he didn’t usually leap before he looked.

That was what made life fun, after all. Taking risks without thinking. Thinking just lead to doubting yourself and doubting yourself just lead to not doing fun things and not doing fun things meant you were wasting your life. You had to seize the days you got, because otherwise why even live?

That was most of Mike’s friend group’s philosophy. Their little (junior, according to Elmer’s big brother who claimed they were too young to be a real motorcycle gang) motorcycle gang was full of impulsive, slightly-eccentric kids who lived in the moment. Of course, they looked out for each other as much as they could, confirmed excuses and alibis when necessary, but none of them worried much about their own safety.

Hence why they were having a huge party with spiked eggnog in December, meaning there was a likely possibility a lot of them would be staying overnight. Not that it mattered much.

Spot’s dad was at a conference in Boston and wouldn’t be back for at least a few more days. And if he did come back early for some reason, he’d probably just give them a lecture and then not tell anyone’s parents. Denton was cool like that. As long as nobody died, ended up in the hospital, or got anybody pregnant, he favored having the group’s trust over busting them, probably so he could be sure they’d come to him for help if there was a serious problem.

So far, through taking care of each other as best they could while having fun, there hadn’t been a serious problem.

Mike jumped as a tipsy Elmer grabbed his arm.

“Mike, buddy, this song fuckin’ slaps!”

Mike hadn’t noticed what song was on, given that his reaction time was currently a little slow, but he had to admit that Turn Down For What would always be a banger and being drunk just made it better.

He didn’t know how long he was bopping to the beat among his friends before he stopped, realizing that Ike’s prediction was about to come true, and barely made it to the toilet before puking his guts out.

Mike groaned. This was already becoming very un-fun, but throwing up was making him think about the killer hangover he was going to have in the morning. Also about how Ike had probably been drinking, too, so they’d need to stay the night at Spot’s. They could get a ride home, but hiding two drunk twins was significantly harder than just one.

In short, he was thinking ahead, which was reminding him why he didn’t like thinking ahead.

“Whoa, Mike, are you okay?”

Someone was rubbing his back as he retched, and Mike was officially shitfaced, because he could swear when he looked up that was Jojo de la Guerra.

He’d been joking when he invited Jojo. Not because he didn’t want Jojo to come, but because he’d never in a million years thought he’d actually show up.

“Did I pass out?” he groaned, hoping his words weren’t too slurred, “Am I dreamin’? Is that what’s happenin’ right now?”

“No?” Jojo looked confused, “You invited me.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think you’d actually come.”

“Wait, are you drunk?”

“Yeah, that’d be accurate.”

Jojo now looked extremely nervous, “Ain’t everyone at this party underage?”

“Uh... I thinks one of Albert’s older brothers stopped by, so no. Wait, he left a couple hours ago, so yes.”

Mike was a little surprised when he slipped standing up and Jojo had to catch him. That was, he was a little surprised that Jojo could catch him. The nerd didn’t look like he had that much muscle on him.

Well, Mike was sure he was blushing, it wasn’t just the alcohol making his face flushed, but he wasn’t sure if the pink in Jojo’s cheeks was his imagination or not.

“Uh, do you need a glass of water or somethin’?” he asked nervously, “Why is there alcohol at a party where everybody’s underage, anyway?”

“Cause it’s fun,” Jojo said simply, “Ya think Mush and Blink’d be makin’ out against a wall in front of everybody if they wasn’t absolutely sloshed?”

“Okay, well, do ya need water?”

Mike thought about it, and he was pretty sure it wouldn’t take him so long to decide if he hadn’t drank so much.

“Nope. But I could do with some air.”

None of the others were sober and/or focused enough to notice as they made their way through the party to Spot’s back porch.

The air was icy cold, but Mike was overheated, so it felt good. And the snow was beautiful, reflecting light from the windows of the house. A few small icicles were hanging down from the roof above.

He wasn’t quite drunk enough that he didn’t notice when Jojo leaned against him, just a little, because of the cold. After all, Jojo was beautiful, too. Probably more beautiful than the snow.

But he didn’t say that.

“I love winter,” he said instead, “Ike and I used to play in the snow till we damn near froze to death. Or until one of us got a headshot in a snowball fight.”

“Sounds fun,” Jojo muttered.

“Oh, it was. And we’d stir our hot cocoa with candy canes when we went inside, so’s it’d be all minty.”

Mike smiled at the memory. They never did that anymore, whether it was because they were busy with homework or because they just... forgot, what with TV series to binge and Among Us games to win and friends to meet up with for a big snowball fight.

He liked their life now. He really did. Mike wouldn’t trade his friends for anything. But he had to admit, it had been simpler back when the only people he and Ike had were each other.

“And here you are now,” Jojo noted, “Drunk at a high school party on a back porch with that nerd ya partnered with for a science project once.”

“Well, that nerd happens to be my friend, so I counts that as a win.”

Jojo didn’t respond for a few seconds, and Mike realized.

“Wait, are we friends?”

They were close enough together that he could feel Jojo take a deep breath.

“I thinks so.”

That felt nice. And he could tell now. Jojo’s face was definitely flushed and it had been since before they came outside, so it couldn’t be from the cold. That sent a pretty clear signal, and...

“Mike, stop. What’re ya doin’?”

“I was gonna kiss you,” Mike said. He’d been pretty sure it was obvious.

Had he... been reading Jojo’s signals wrong?

“Mike, you’re drunk. Ya probably ain’t gonna remember this tomorrow. You don’t really care, it’s just that I’m here and no one else is. You don’t mean it.”

“I do mean it. Jojo—“

“You’re a boy in the biker gang all the girls and gays swoon over and you’re goin’ for me, the nobody from science class,” Jojo scoffed, “Sounds likely.”

“Jojo, it don’t matter who my friends are,” Mike tried to insist, “I like you. Like, like like you.”

“Even if I could believe you, there’s no way I’d kiss you while you’re drunk.”

That was worse than straight up rejection. Because Jojo was kind of saying that he did have feelings for Mike and just wouldn’t believe that Mike had feelings for him.

Mike had to focus on not crying for a good few minutes before he started realizing just how fast the snow was coming down.

“Hey, Jojo, how deep do ya think that snow is?”

“Shit.”

That made Mike laugh. He didn’t think he’d ever heard Jojo swear.

“It’s gotta be at least a foot, and still comin’ down. There’s no way anybody can drive home through that. Most of you’s is on motorcycles, and—“

That was when the lights inside went out abruptly, and more than a few people screamed.

Mike got up carefully, trying not to stumble too much, “We should find out what that was.”

They made it inside just in time to hear Spot holler, “A fuckin’ power line went down! And that don’t just mean no light and no WiFi—that means no heat! We ain’t got long before it starts to get real cold here!”

“I found the candles!” Hotshot (Spot’s little brother) yelled.

“Oh, that’ll help a ton,” Jack said sarcastically before Davey ran up.

Naturally, Mike’s mind chose that moment to go off on a tangent of how if Jack Kelly could get a smart boyfriend who was way too good for him, maybe he could too if he could just get Jojo to see that he really liked him, but he still caught what Davey said.

“There’s a foot of snow on the hood of my car. Nobody’s goin’ anywhere, so everybody text your parents before your phones run out of batteries.”

“What if my mom can tell I’m drunk?” Romeo shouted.

“I’m textin’ Mom, dumbass!” Jack shouted back, “For all of us! I’m the soberest person here!”

Race, Romeo, and Crutchie all called their thanks to their big brother.

“I think that’s me, actually,” Davey pointed out, “Soberest ain’t even a word, Jackie.”

Mike cupped his hands over his mouth and yelled into the darkness, “Ike, ya wanna text Mom and Dad, or should—“

“I’ll do it, moron! You’re shitfaced!”

“Shit,” Jojo was muttering as he typed a text, “Shit, shit, shit, I told my dad I’d only stay for an hour. Shit.”

“It ain’t your fault ya got snowed in,” Mike pointed out.

“No, but if my parents find out there was alcohol at this party—“

“Good news, y’all!” Spot hollered from the stairs, the multiple phone flashlights pointed at him the only thing making him visible, “Me and Hotshot’s dad has a big stash of blankets and sleepin’ bags and stuff, so we’s all gonna make a big nest and huddle together in the living room. Hopefully nobody freezes to death. If anybody don’t wanna sleep in what they’s wearin’, come find me!”

With that, he disappeared to go grab blankets.

“My parents are gonna kill me.”

“Don’t let ‘em,” Mike said, “I’d have to avenge you. Then I’d go to hell and I wouldn’t see ya in the afterlife! Plus you’d hate me for killin’ your parents, so—“

“Mike, please stop talkin’.”

“Wanna sleep with me?”

“What?!”

It took Mike a full 10 seconds to realize.

“Not like that!” he exclaimed as soon as he did realize, “Like if we’s all makin’ a nest to keep warm, ya wanna sleep next to me? For not freezin’ to death?”

Jojo was still looking at him pretty weird, and that made Mike sad.

“I’m sorry. Ya don’t have to. That was stupid. I’m stupid. I shouldn’ta said that, but I did cause I’m stupid. I’m sorry for everythin’. Like, everythin’. Everythin’ I’s ever said and—“

“Stop,” Jojo interrupted, “That’s... this is just gettin’ sad. Mike, it’s fine. Just... I guess I can’t expect ya to say things in a less weird way—you’re drunk.”

He didn’t seem especially annoyed or even uncomfortable. Just... blushing. Definitely blushing.

Mike could barely see him in the dark, but he still was pretty sure Jojo de la Guerra was the prettiest thing he’d ever seen.

“Uh, yeah, I’ll sleep with you. Next to you. Ugh. Just don’t barf on me.”

“Okay,” Mike mumbled. God, now that it was dark, he was already yawning. He didn’t remember where he’d left his hoodie. He should probably ask Ike about that.

It was already getting cold in the house, and the candles Hotshot was lighting definitely weren’t helping that much.

Mike didn’t mind how Jojo was sticking close to him even if it was probably just for warmth.

[happymetalgirl]

The 15 Worst Metal Albums of 2020

This list might have been shorter if not for my running into a few awful albums at the end of the year that I had been avoiding wisely up until that point. My morbid curiosity got the best of me, and what’s done is done. I’m paying the price for it by going back over the worst albums I heard all year. Let’s get this over with.

15. Ghøstkid - Ghøstkid

This was the debut solo album from the former singer of Eskimo Callboy, who had a pretty decent backing of hype heading into this release under the Ghøstkid moniker, but with the namesake frontman putting in no more than the standard performance on a bunch of poorly assembled tracks in an unappealing and dated poppy metalcore style, ultimately the eponymous album wound up disappointing me pretty substantially.

14. Powerman 5000 - The Noble Rot

Powerman 5000 are just such a low-rate band that even one of their more okay albums makes it here. While not as astoundingly, mind-numbingly basic as their worst material, The Noble Rot is still some of the most unevolved, underwritten, and forgettable electro rock and industrial metal I’ve heard from a big name artist. This is some eighth grade level songwriting here, and that’s a fuckin’ feat for a band that’s been around longer than any eighth grader has.

13. Corey Taylor - CMFT

There was a lot of hype around Corey Taylor finally coming out with a solo project, and it was pretty damn disappointing to hear a bunch of uninteresting classic rock too tacky for Stone Sour. CMFT focuses on the fun side that has made its creator such an enigmatic figurehead in the metal press, but its one-note approach does little more than highlight Corey Taylor’s songwriting deficiencies. I really could have seen this album turning out better too, with just some more time and care put into it, if a fun time of an album is what Taylor was going for. Unfortunately Taylor tried to make a party album and a grand ceremonial tribute to his greatness at the same time, and ego-petting and partying don’t really go hand in hand.

12. Evildead - United States of Anarchy

It has some good bones underneath it, but Evildead’s long overdue (if anyone was asking for it) third album wears out its welcome so quickly with some of the most adolescent thrash I’ve heard in a while. The band gets some good rhythms going and the vocals aren’t terrible either, fitting the older thrash style pretty well. But the band’s predictable formula tires out very quickly, and the political commentary of the lyrics is too cheesy and cringeworthy to ignore. It seems every year we get a handful of these kinds of albums that try to get into the simmering thrash revival with some ultra retro approach, and a good portion of those albums are from long-defunct bands who figure their primitive old-school approach might be a selling point despite their sounds often being even more juvenile against the backdrop of today’s metal landscape. So it’s not a huge surprise or anything to hear an album as ham-fisted and corny as United States of Anarchy; this year it just happened to be Evildead.

11. Five Finger Death Punch - F8

They may not always place highest in this list, but they always manage to make it here, and this was actually an improvement on the last album, not that that’s saying all that much. In fact, I’d say this is the only time in the band’s history that they actually shifted their trajectory upwards. But while the band’s ugly continual creative decay has been a hard thing to watch and made them the five finger punching bag of the metal world, there seems to be a large enough swath of mouthbreathing chuds who love their incoherent derivative shit and flock to their shows enough to put them in lucrative headlining slots and on top of the metal world. Goddamn that sure sounds a lot like someone else we all know doesn’t it. I’ve criticized them plenty in the past, and while indeed an improvement, F8 only mildly remedies the numerous problems with Five Finger Death Punch. Still septic to the system are the predictably formulaic and tiresome songwriting, the stale production, the corny butt rock choruses, the shitty bootlicking worldview that bleeds into Ivan Moody’s douchey and faux-deep lyrics, the contrived ballads and country-dabbling. Even with an improvement in the flow of the track listing and a few more bangers that somewhat hearken back to their first album, F8 is still an over-thought and overly calculated batch of Sirius XM fodder that’s trying to please everyone in some superficial way. I’ll grant that it seems as though the band realized they had been giving the more metal-immersed side of their fanbase that has been with them the longest smaller and smaller crumbs with each new album. I’m not gonna hold my breath for this being anything more than placating for the time being; I’m sure the next album will find the band back on whatever bullshit they feel (or their execs feel) they need to be on to pull enough streams from inattentive radio metal bros. I always end with the disclaimer that I still steadfastly stand by the band’s first two albums, and even American Capitalist to a degree, and that I totally acknowledge the immense potential for greatness this band could seemingly at any time decide to fulfill. Ivan Moody is a talented vocalist with a lot of star power and they really could have been the second coming of Pantera or singlehandedly ignited a new wave of American groove metal and metalcore or carried it on their own. But instead the band have followed the money on the path of least resistance to fast-track their way to the top of festival tickets, which I’m sure affords them quite enough luxury and comfort in life, more than most bands these days get, but it doesn’t exempt them from criticism, and unfortunately I think their legacy will show that they were a lowest common denominator kind of band at the end of the day when they could have been, again, like a second Pantera or something.

10. Anvil - Legal at Last

Another year, another album of Anvil unable to evolve past their prototypic thrash of their forty-year-old origins. Though as tacky as ever, Anvil actually also managed to make a mild improvement on their last album on the musical front at least. The songs are a little more energetic and easier to get through, if not for the lyricism though. Anvil lyrics are never anything beyond a fourth-grader’s poetry assignment for their English class, but some of the Facebook boomer lyrics here are fucking cringy dude. A quick look at the track listing will let you know exactly where you’re gonna find the juiciest cringe, but honestly, even as far as cringe goes it’s nothing comedically special and cringe culture in general is played out anyway. So do yourself a favor and just ignore Anvil the way they deserve to be ignored.

9. Halestorm - Reimagined

It feels a little harsh to place an EP here, especially for a band whose album back in 2018 was one of the best things I have heard to come out of hard rock in a long time. But these stripped back covers and revisions of songs from the band’s catalog just suck all the oomph out of them, perhaps making the case by contrast for the importance of the role the rest of the band behind the indeed charismatic powerhouse frontwoman Lzzy Hale play in making their sound what it is. It’s unlikely this points to any kind of new direction for them, so I’m not particularly worried about them running into this problem again. Plus, I don’t think Halestorm and Lzzy Hale are like fundamentally incompatible with more ballad-y rock music, this forced balladization of older songs just did not work, and it makes perfect sense as to why.

8. Gama Bomb - Sea Savage

The fact that this album is only number 8 on this list is just depressing for its reminder of just how much shittier it got this year. The fact that there are seven albums from this yet worse than Sea Savage, goddamn. With one exception, this was maybe the stupidest album I heard all year, at least in the thrash department it was. God this thing is a sugar high mess. I feel like a toddler on an entire bag of Halloween candy or an elementary schooler on a 2-liter of Mountain Dew sat at a computer to program a thrash album would’ve probably come up with something like this. The erratic operatic highs and dumbass lyrics, it all just embodies everything that ever made thrash look bad. It’s like that drunk guy at a party who’s hyper as shit and doing a bunch of crazy stunts for attention because he thinks it’ll make the people there like him more, but really he’s just embarrassing himself. Yeah, definitely the worst thrash metal album I heard all year, and one I wish I could unhear.

7. Amaranthe - Manifest

One of the albums I was avoiding but reviewed late out of my own weird sense of obligation that I wasn’t surprised to find only validated my reasons for avoiding it in the first place. The weird combo of dancy pop music and power metal isn’t as crazy of an idea as it might seem at first thought. In fact, that’s basically in part what Babymetal are doing, and actually getting better and better at. But Amaranthe get the worst of both worlds with Manifest, unsavory pop melodies and utterly generic symphonic metal to make for something I’m not at all surprised I was so repulsed by.

6. Trapt - Shadow Work

Yep, I listened to it. God, no wonder this band is flailing in irrelevance with aggressive MAGA nonsense being their only audible desperate plea for attention. The album, thank fuck, isn’t steeped in the same bitch boy tantrum that the band’s singer has engaged in all year to the point of getting his band’s Facebook page banned for hate speech, and the music isn’t like offensively poorly made or anything like that either. There’s clearly a conscious meeting of the baseline requirements for the type of music they make, but holy fuck it’s so damn flavorless and predictable. It’d be one thing if this was the trendy thing to be doing, but this diet hard rock for people who think Three Days Grace is too wild has been out of fashion for over a decade. And Trapt are just recycling the same dumb formula that overstayed it’s welcome in the early 2000’s. Yeah, I’m not surprised at all, but god, it’s the kind of thing that has to be apparent to the band themselves too unless they’re lacking of any and all self-awareness. Trapt have thrown themselves to the forefront of the online metal world’s discourse by being an annoying, toxic, and childish presence all year; the silver lining being the unity among metalheads in roasting their laughable posturing about their Pandora numbers and the juicy memes about their one hit “Headstrong” that rile the snowflake singer up without fail. And this shit album is just another reason to laugh at them and more fuel to roast their crybaby Trumper frontman with. Go back into your hole, Trapt. 3/10

5. Unleash the Archers - Abyss

I talked about it in my review, but there really is only one simple thing that sinks this album so low. And that is just how incredibly low-effort and lifeless it is with a genre that’s supposed to be so life-affirming. Power metal isn’t the most highly revered genre in metal, but that’s just for its cheesiness. I love it; when it’s at its best, it’s some of the most inspiring metal music out there and I genuinely wish there was a bigger demand across the board for it. But Unleash the Archers just sound so flat and unenthusiastic in this album, and, sorry, in power metal, unabashed enthusiasm is just nonnegotiable. The guitar parts are phoned in and lacking in imagination, and the vocals especially are so narrow-range, it’s all so antithetical to the ethos of power metal and it doesn’t make a strong case for itself. I’ll leave it there; this album is lazy and lifeless so I feel no need to waste any of my time and work on it.

4. Burzum - Thûlean Mysteries

Ol’ Varg must’ve needed a new wizard hat or camouflage pants or whatever goofy shit he’s been doing since retiring the Burzum name to focus on his racism and LARPing because I thought Burzum was supposed to be finished. I thought you were done with Burzum, Varg. Apparently not too done to not dump an hour and a half of embarrassingly half-baked ambient dungeon synth song fragments that sound, so many of them, quite obviously unfinished. Varg Vikernes has been a washed-up shell of the musical god the various weirdos who idolize him make him out to be for a long time now, and it has shown in the gradually degrading work he had put out after his release from prison. Yet after clearly not caring about creating music in any meaningful way for a long time, Varg drops this heap of shit in his fans’ laps. I suppose they deserve it, but I’m sure some of them are delusional enough to lap it up with a smile on their face while still believing their white nationalist idol to be a musical genius. Again, it’s entirely dull ambient music, not metal at all, but it deserves to be shit upon for its astounding laziness and purposelessness.

3. Asking Alexandria - Like a House on Fire

Doubling down on exactly the unflattering crossover of pop music with their significantly sanitized butt rock in their apparent quest for arena glory that started with their self-titled album back in 2017, Asking Alexandria’s bid for the big spotlight that Imagine Dragons occupies didn’t get any stronger this year with Like a House on Fire. After three or four years of aiming for this style, the band still aren’t even all that competent with the basics of fucking pop rock, which is pretty downright laughable. Honestly, for an album so high up here on my shit list, my feelings on it are more or less just that of unsurprised disappointment; as soon as I got a feel for what the band were doing with the album, I knew it was going to be a mess of predictable results. And lo and behold. This was just such a wholly inexcusably floppy paper towel of an album, and one more Asking Alexandria release I know I won’t be returning to ever again.

2. Hollywood Undead - New Empire, Vol. 2

Coming on at the last minute to get on the scoreboard, reliably, is Hollywood Undead. When I reviewed both volumes of this project earlier, I referred to them as “corporate Linkin Park”, and I stand by that 100%. This album especially showcases nothing but what an incoherent, vapid, clout-chasing act they are, with such a corny, focus-grouped sound that sounds like it was made in a lab by a bunch of out-of-touch boomers. God, they could’ve been safe too if they had left it with the more tolerable first volume back in January, but this follow-up sequel from just this month was exactly why I had avoided listening to the first installment in the first place. And I should’ve never played this second one either. The album opener, “Medicate”, is probably the worst song I sat through in my own volition this year, and the rest of the album doesn’t get much better. It’s nothing new for Hollywood Undead after I gave their 2017 album my award for least favorite album of that year: more unfitting interplay between machismo posturing Eminem-cosplay and the sappiest, wimpiest radio rock and pop choruses; more cringy tough-guy struggle bars; more forgettable-at-best instrumentals. Congrats again, Hollywood Undead, you made one of the worst albums of the year once again.

But even worse than Hollywood Undead is an album that I feel like is already so legendarily bad, that there is no other album that could’ve been sat here. It had to be this one.

1. Six Feet Under - Nightmares of the Decomposed

Shitty metal bands everywhere can breathe a sigh of relief any year Six Feet Under decide to put out new music because any album they release is just about bound to end up as everyone’s #1 worst album of the year, and boy is that guarantee becoming more and more airtight with each successive release. It’s truly astounding too how Six Feet Under manages to outdo themselves every time. I don’t even want to think about what could possibly come after Nightmares of the Decomposed; we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. But for now, holy fermented shit, this thing is not just bad, it’s like the holy grail of terrible TERRIBLE albums and I don’t want to know what kind of apocalyptically despicable album Chris Barnes and company could possibly conjure to outdo this one. And make no mistake, it’s still Chris Barnes dragging this band down. I gave this album a 1/10 instead of a 0/10 because there was at least a sliver of salvageable instrumentation on it, as thin of a sliver as it was, a few halfway decent musical ideas of you squinted hard enough. The instrumentalists are checked out and clearly just participating for the paycheck, but I can’t even imagine what kind of professional instrumental performance could possibly overshadow the embarrassment that Chris Barnes put to tape in the studio here. Maybe that says it, because it honestly sounds utterly unprofessional. It’s baffling how this got through management and sound engineering to be released to the public because I don’t think I’ve ever even heard any amateur high school band’s vocalist sound this bad. Vocal ingenuity is generally something to be applauded in the metal world, and pioneers like Randy Blythe, Dani Filth, and Travis Ryan deserve all the praise they get for their innovation with dirty metal vocals, yet what Chris Barnes has “invented” here on Nightmares of the Decomposed to compensate for his continually-deteriorating vocals is just sad. The man simply cannot perform highs anymore, clearly, and the alternative is this fucking comical, cartoonish squealing that sounds more like a bratty toddler gargling their own snot than it does anything fitting for a death metal record, even a death metal record at stupid and cheesy as Nightmares of the Decomposed. Chris Barnes should be thankful that metal is not a sport and that there’s not nearly as much of an abundance of performance statistics to point to and analyze to see what kind of records are broken in a legendarily awful performance. I feel like if there were any kind of performance stats to pull up, this album would have to break some kinds of records. Like this is worse than that 7-1 Germany-Brazil World Cup game, this would be like if the Brazilian team all got unholy levels of blazed and repeatedly scored on themselves because they kept going the wrong way and kicking the ball into their own net, and then pissing their fucking shorts. Even in 7-1 defeat, Brazil had more dignity than Chris Barnes here. Six Feet Under and their label have to know they are a laughing stock and that people will listen to them at this point for the sheer entertainment value of how mind-blowingly awful they sound. It’s not an illegitimate marketing tactic, and it’s the only explanation I can come up with for how this passed inspection. If that’s their mission, to be a spectacle and instill cringe in death metal fans in a regular ritual of comically stupid performances across every successive album, they’re sure doing it, and I guess this baffling headache-trophy is their well-earned prize. Congratulations Six Feet Under, you did it again! Worst metal album of the year.

[intangible-rice]

Ayyy I’m back here’s some playlists

I haven’t been on tumblr in forever because I’m stuck in the past and still have an iPod classic and spent the past 6 months using basically all of my free time to finally import all of my music onto spotify

and then found out that spotify has a liked songs limit of 10,000 and i have 13,000 songs in my library so i’m probably gonna have to do the same exact thing all over again with apple music, thisisfine.jpg

but anyway to make up for it and also vaguely make people care about this post here’s all of the playlists that were on my iPod that I put on spotify!

And an easter egg that no one asked for, almost all of the playlist cover art images are photos that I actually took myself, yay me(?)

Travel/Road trip

Fall

Rain, but also made in the fall so kind of rainy fall day vibes

It’s summer, I’ve got my hat on backwards and it’s time to fuckin party

Snow

Driving

Driving, but at night(tm)

Lying on a beach blanket on top of warm sand and aimlessly looking at waves and seagulls and vaguely hearing ocean sounds under the music in your headphones

Holidays (ranging from the traditional to the irreverent, includes some nsfw stuff like Dick in a Box)

a mix CD that my 8th grade class made when we had our graduation prom/formal so it’s an extremely random collection of hits from 2004

Songs for those times when you think maybe the whole world might actually just be a computer simulation

Sleep

A GoT fanmix I made when that show was still good (with album art from the Bad Lip Reading)

A compilation of songs on my iPod that were vaguely western themed... idk it doesn’t totally work but yeehaw

The songs I considered to be the 500 best in my collection at one point

A playlist I made for when I was going through some bad shit; oscillates between self pity jamz, it’ll be okay songs, and anthems for swearing murderous vengeance on all who have wronged you

One time I also decided to put every song on my iPod that was explicitly about being alone on one playlist for some reason, but I never actually listened to it

In 2003 my family had a membership at the community pool and they always had the pop radio station going so while i have basically no recognition of r&b or hip hop bangers from that time i’ll hear some michelle branch or puddle of mudd and will instantly smell chlorine and be mid-jump off a diving board