#anyway. im in the writing Mood. but idk where the fuck to start!!!! fuck!!!!!

[scarlettcryptid]

hardcore projecting my avoidancy onto dabi in this soulmate au thing i started in november

[kumezyzo]

UGHH IM OBSESSED WITH FAMOUS!singer READER!!! can we do something where the readers at a show and they are backstage or something and sapnap suprises them? OR WHEN SAPNAP COMES OUT ON STAGE WHEN THEY ARE SINGING LIKE HE DID WITH DREAM

thank you! i hope this isn't too late to post 😭 (lets not pretend like we dont know this was requested MONTHS AGO)

anyway, enjoy! or dont :) m.list

after you and bf!sapnap announced your relationship, you went on a small tour. it was super cute to all of your fans because you two would be seen around the city you were performing in. or when you posted something about being in that city, he was in the background or in your photo creds.

a lot of your fans wanted him to come out on stage for one of your songs. specifically, one of the ones you openly said was written for him. or one that he helped write!

bf!sapnap did post pictures from each of your concerts, dont get it twisted. whether it was backstage as you were getting ready and/or doing warm-ups or from the audience in an area people didn't know he was in. until they heard him screaming about you being amazing.

so, at your last concert, everyone was looking around for him like a venue full of hawks. it even got to the point where people started chanting his name. the memebers of your team thought it was so funny. the security in front of the stage looked around at each other, very confused by why they weren't chanting the name of the actual person performing. you had to come out and break the news to the audience.

"okay, guys, before we start, i know you want nick here," you started, looking around sadly. "but he couldn't make it today. something came up."

everyone in the crowd made noises of discontent at your words. you nodded solemnly with them, then you heard someone distantly call out: "bullshit! bring your man out here!!"

you laughed at that as the rest of the venue did as well, "guys, i really wish he was here too! but he's been at every show, so it's fine." you shrugged, proceeding to start the show.

bf!sapnap back stage thought it was really funny how the mood changed quickly through the venue. it made him feel happy as well, knowing that your fans wanted to see him as much at they wanted to see you. maybe even a little more than you.

when you came backstage for the intermission, bf!sapnap was there watching you drink water and cool down for a bit. he had to steal a few kisses. before and after you applied a new lip colour.

you got to the point right before your last two songs, and you had to make your exit speech.

"thank you guys so much for coming out! I really hope you enjoyed the show. we're gonna finish this with two more songs that you guys-"

you let out a scream at the feeling of two arms wrap around you and swooping you up and spinning around with you. the crowd started screaming when you were set down and saw bf!sapnap kissing you deeply. you whined into the kiss, glaring at him when he pulled away.

you let out a huff, putting the microphone to your mouth, "you weren’t supposed to come out yet! you had a cue!"

he chuckled breathily, smiling at you widely before he took the microphone from you. "you just looked so pretty, baby," the crowd erupted in screams. he turned to the rest of the crowd, "and i had to say hi to everyone else! how about we get this shit started?"

bf!sapnap who sang all the high notes in your songs, basically stealing the show. he had such a stage presence, singing to you and hopping around the stage. he kissed you so much the whole time, and the videos people posted after were captioned with 'i feel like we were interrupting something'.

the edits were so fucking crazy too-

idk how i feel about this one. -Nony

[spookyshoosh]

what the fuck is your fucking PROBLEM DUDE (im sorry this is another relationship vent post)

so i’ve been working on a new and very ambitious art piece pretty much all day instead of making progress on the latest chapter to my fic — just going with where the mood/creativity takes me

i finally started to run out of drawing steam tonight but my mind was still very active about the fic so i began to move over to writing. here’s the thing when i write… i have a really hard time writing with any sort of verbal noise in the background. for this reason, i either write in silence or listen to instrumental music.

because of this, i usually wait until my boyfriend goes to bed, is wearing headphones, or i just go into the other room in our house and block out his videos/music from there. he typically really hates it when i do the last option, so i asked if he would put his headphones on and he said no. alright, imma just go into the other room then-

tell me why he immediately gets all pissy and says, “so you’re not going to make time for me? when are you going to hang out with me? you just don’t care, do you? as if i didn’t stop what i was doing and go cuddle in the bedroom whenever he requested it today. as if i didn’t stop what i was doing and disrupt my concentration EVERY TIME he wanted to show me a damn youtube short. as if i didn’t go on a nearly hour long drive with him just earlier this evening (there was no point to this drive btw other than listening to music and hanging out with each other. I ALSO REQUESTED IT, SPECIFICALLY TO MAKE TIME FOR HIM.) YEAH OK i don’t make time for you. sure.

anyways, i was obviously kind of caught off guard by his reaction, so i ended up responding with, “dude, i just want to go write.”

him: “okay, fine then. go. why are you so obsessed with what you do anyway? it’s not like it makes you any money.” (this comment thoroughly and immediately pissed me off. literally took a few seconds to even say something back to this bc i was trying not to start an argument. failed.)

me: “like you watching youtube shorts all day makes you money? when was the last time your coding made you any money?”

he mumbled some bullshit about why don’t I learn how to code and blah, blah. i’ve told and showed him idk how many times that coding had never really clicked in my brain but that is BESIDE THE FUCKING POINT

anyways, i was quite irritated. had to type my feelings out so i can just put this behind me and actually do what i came in a separate room to do in the first place. jesus fucking christ.

[journey-to-the-attic]

thot..... its unlikely ik gets out of seven sin things in a row totally fine right? hear me out. what if being in all their inner worlds like that 'stained' her with their sins somehow. so ik gets like an overload of the entire thing?

idk im just rlly over mc constantly and thanklessly doing the most for the brothers in nb so i want ik to get some of that good hurt/comfort too 😭

i really can't tell if you're calling me a thot or if that's your way of writing 'thought'... but, anyway-

yess [rubbing hands together evilly] this is good fodder for angst!! i think it could mix with the idea that being in the past is also taking a toll on her in a more direct and tangible way - like mc and solomon beginning to lose their magic (though... they seem to have forgotten about that in recent lessons??)

i feel like what happened with lucifer during his own Sin Thing probably was a triggering factor... i've said before that ik just kinda goes through nb with a very "fuck it we ball" attitude, because the only way she can cope with the stress of the whole situation is to be super happy-go-lucky about it - and it's been alright so far, because the brothers have taken well to her, but it's not like there aren't moments (especially early on) where she's treated kinda poorly

it'll be better by the time the sin stuff all happens, but all the same ik's kind of on her last nerve, so lucifer snapping on her is just the last straw. of course, at the time, she managed to pull herself together long enough to resolve the situation - and lucifer did immediately go "shit" and start trying to salvage things - but then things kinda got lost with lucifer being 'cured', so i don't think ik really recovered

the 'sin staining' thing is a super cool idea! it makes sense too, since i see the brothers 'inner worlds' as a sort of snapshot of their soul at that point - their deepest thoughts made physical - so it makes sense that ik would be affected by entering them during the Sin Stuff, since i figure there'd be high concentrations of that dark energy or something

i'm not yet completely sure on how her symptoms would manifest, though... i imagine all seven sins combining would make for an absolute mess of emotions, so when she crashes, she crashes hard. might be an opportunity for her to just go genuinely unhinged - constant swinging between moods, between painful clarity, where she's begging for help, and incoherent delirium, where she's so lost in her own head that she doesn't know the difference between hurting herself and taking care of herself

she gets a concentrated dose of each other the brothers' own emotions that led to their own Sin Thing (which i shall henceforth call their singularity, aren't i clever), which would mix with her own anguish about being trapped in the wrong time - plus she'd probably be beating herself up for being 'ungrateful, or else about the sort of things the seven deadly sins would make you think

solomon would probably have to just put her to sleep for her own safety.... i don't think the brothers could just pull the same inner world trick ik used to help them, either, because it's not just an ik thing, it's also all of THEIR things interfering and corrupting her mind. barbatos could do some weird time magic maybe????

[helianskies]

okay. so. i'm a bit miffed and maybe a bit disgruntled, and am not sure how to shift my mood after having a really good and wonderfully sunny day.

ready?

go.

so i've just seen my two closest friends (guy and girl) from undergrad are in london together doing idk what. idk if it's dinner, if they've spent the day together, not a clue. now, i'm not bothered by the fact it's just them and i'm not there (i had work and couldn't really spare the money to train it to london). what bothers me is the radio silence we've both had from our guy friend, who, last i checked, was not working, had gone galavanting around italy, and wasn't replying to our messages. back in january/feb the three of us were trying to arrange a weekend we could all meet and he was the one to say 'i'm not sure what i'm doing, let me check my diary and get back to you' and then he never did. and he did the same to myself and another mutual friend after he was the one to suggest we meet now she's back in the uk (the three of us haven't stood in the same room for five years; i had no idea she was even back from mexico until he said). so. while i proceeded to text him to ask if he was okay, having not heard from him back in feb, and then give him space when he didn't reply (because if he hasn't responded then he's not in a good place to talk and that's fine), and he narrowly forgot to wish me a happy birthday on my actual birthday (he texted me at 1am), and i wished him a happy easter which then went unanswered... 1) the fact he's suddenly back in the uk is fucking news to me; 2) i'm upset he hasn't made any kind of contact when evidently he's reached out to our friend in london to arrange to meet her; and 3) i've got the mindset now where our london friend is coming over to where to see me for a long weekend at the start of may, but if he wants to tag along, i might genuinely turn around and say no. because the two of us arranged it after being tired of waiting, and her free weekends are rare, and i would like a very calm and relaxing weekend just before my exams begin and i think i'd be too irritable if my friend, who hasn't spoken to me properly in a couple of months, was suddenly around me for 3 days straight and potentially wanting to stay over at mine. 1) no room. 2) i think i'd go insane. not just because of how i'm feeling but also because of his character. anyway. all that to say... miffed! and in a bad mood! i was about to sit down and enjoy an evening of writing, and then i saw a photo of them both and now im :l

like tf

[slytherinshua]

Hopefully they will get a bit of rest before the show! They definitely need it after the tour though, the schedule seemed brutal. I don't think I'd be able to cope if it was me lol. You'll have to let me know what they are like to watch live, I'm sure they'll be amazing!!

Play is such a comfort song! I have definitely cried listening to it as well haha, also haze. I really do love how they have a song for every mood lol.

I'm honestly so glad that I started to listen to them when I did. I found them at a time when I'm finally starting to think more positively about myself and seeing my own potential, like seeing that I can improve myself but also being kind to myself when I inevitably mess up. I think the messages in their songs are really comforting and make me feel seen. (Although I still remember the night when hug by seventeen absolutely broke me ahaha) Finding a talented violinist who plays music that I like has helped me want to become better in that sense too, although admittedly I have wanted to improve for a while, but Yechan has actually given me a goal which is nice. (I've started to try and learn boogie man and my respect for Yechan has went WAY up).

I have wanted to watch super and for ages!! I never knew where to find it though. I found out about it because I'd started to listen to Hoppipolla and then would watch compilation videos of clips from superband. It seems so fun! And the amount of talent would make me cry ahaha. I'll and Ha Hyunsang's voices in 1000x almost made me cry the first time I listened to it because they blended so beautifully. After getting into Lucy, I was kinda like, the bassist in the awesome cover of the Coldplay song (I can't remember what it's called lol) was Wonsang?! Yechan played viva la Vida?? With Ha Hyunsang?? That made me want to watch it more ahaha (although I don't know if I'll be emotionally prepared to see Sangyeop cry)

I'll let you know if I have any ideas haha, but definitely keep writing for Lucy! I really liked your style of writing and thought you wrote Sangyeop really well!

Enjoy the show!!!!

okay now that I’m back from the show lemme answer this 🥹🥹 I think they did get some rest beforehand they were rly energetic and excited :( moreso than me cause I was so sore it hurt to stand and I was struggling when sangyeop wanted us to jump sigh

You could rly just tell they went all out for their last show of the tour and it was just so special :( I was right by wonsang bcuz he’s my bias and I wanted to watch him up close so most of the videos I took are of him. Whenever I could see sangyeop or get noticed by sangyeop I would die internally idk smth abt him live is just way too attractive and charismatic and he needs to stop being so fucking fine istg??? But wonsang was so cute I was chilling standing by him <33

I swear I can cry to any lucy song cause even the happy ones have sad or relatable lyrics… the sad ones hit so fucking hard absolutely when I need to cry colourless is my go to…. Sangyeop ugh 👹👹👹👹 and when it’s a song like boogie man I just cry cause of how beautifully crafted it is cause I think abt how hard wonsang works on every song LMAO IM SO EMO KILL ME

I also feel like I found them at just the right time but like for the opposite reason. I was going through intense burnout and listening to stove while I worked on schoolwork was the only thing keeping me going :( (along w bambam ty husband <3)

I NEED TO REWATCH SUPERBAND IN FULL TBH CAUSE 😭😭 I went back to watch the lucy stages but I just need to experience the WHOLE thing again… anyway here’s the link to the google doc with the google drive eps for you <3333 AND YES ADVENTURE OF A LIFETIME COVER!!!! Absolutely adored it sm I remember how everyone thought wonsang was selfish and trying to make himself stand out by only picking guitarists while he was the only bassist but then he got all 5 votes cause his arrangement was so beautiful and chilling and ethereal and I love him sm I always call him my lil genius :(

Dropping some photos from the concert hehe

[demoiselettes]

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!👹👹👹👹

(is that to many i's?)

ANYWAYYY

I want- no NEED PART 3 OF THE GIYUU/SABITO POLY FIC

I swear i loved it too much-

So i had 2 ideas since yk you dont always feel like writing what the person request so i've got OPTIONS

First one: some fluff, alright, reader super overworks themselves until they end up passing out in the middle of a lesson (was this modern au or not, if not, just in a battle or training), and then of course the 2 boys get a bit worried, here you can come up with anything, i just know i need CUDDLES TO THE POINT WHERE I MIGHT GO INSANE IF I DONT GET SQUISHED IN BETWEEN THESE 2-

anyway moving on, second idea would be pretty much angst...(yk i'm a big lovee of angst)

So i'm thinking like...angst

So i assume even in modern/even in normal au, makomo and sabito are still siblings, right?

What if poor makomo gets into a bad accident (like gets hurt) and poor sabito is just so uh how to say it..."doborat la pamant" i'd say in romanian, wich word-to-word translates as "fallen on the earth" wich isnt what i mean but like his mood is so low, he's so sad, and reader and giyuu need to fricking get this dude to feel better CAUSE HE AIN'T SURVIVING WITH A PIECE OF "pateu pe paine" (aka bread with uh 'pateu' wich really idk how to translate") BUT YEAH IT'S UP TO YOU

THANK YOU BYEEEEEE

Gentle reminder (part 1) , (part 2)

Pairing(s): Giyuu x reader/Sabito x reader/ Giyuu x reader x Sabito

Category: fluff

Warning(s)/note(s): fem! Reader bc that’s what i first wrote reader as when i’d written the first two parts, modern au

+ This took 500 years to write im so sorry. i gave into my temptations and wrote the fluff scenario sofneklsdbjdjffj i share your ambition to be squished between them 😵‍💫🤭 take this as a sort of a late Christmas gift !!

When you awoke, there was already that nauseating feeling that stuck at the back of your throat. Your vision swam and shifted, but you could make out faint blotches of yellow in the air, like you were looking at smudges of paint on a glass window.

« She’s awake! » the voice was muffled and you had to strain your ear to better understand what was being said. It sounded worried, but you irritatingly couldn’t make out who it belonged to. Where were you? Does it hurt so much to be dead? But someone said you were awake.. then came the sounds of footsteps running around and you knew you were being surrounded. The overwhelming number of silhouettes dancing around you roused panic in your immobilized state. Someone took a hold of your hand(you hadn’t even registered you had one, you’d been so numb) and squeezed it ever so gently.

You grimaced from the sudden need to vomit and sucked in a breath to stop yourself from hurling. It’d be embarrassing.

« Are you gonna puke? »

You groaned, throwing an arm over your eyes. Your body seemed rusted. « Where am i? »

« Home. » A pause. « Yes, home. »

Home..? As your vision cleared slowly, you took note of the place. This definitely was not your house, because you were fairly sure you did not have katanas stacked to the wall. But the view of the dangerous weapons was comforting enough, trickling a sense of familiarity in you. Something tickled your cheek and you grimaced, swatting at it on instinct, only for your hand to rake through soft strands of someone’s hair and effectively earning you a yelp.

“Ow! Fuck, that hurts, [Name].. »

The nauseating sickness cleared up instantly when you recognized the voice, and you sat up so abruptly your vision swirled in a beautiful kaléidoscope way that had you nearly vomiting and you rushed to chuck your face in your hands.

“Easy, » Giyuu rushed to you and placed an arm around your waist to steady you. In retrospect, he should have kept his arm to yourself because you felt like you’d pass out from the close proximity. He smelled lovely. He looked lovely. His mere presence made you feel well enough to start running laps.

« What happened? Why am i in your apartment? »

Sabito, who’d been standing in front of your- his bed, scowled and crossed his arms. « We’re supposed to be asking you that. You passed out during your lecture, »

He seemed to be waiting for you to understand something. His eyes looked accusing. Unfortunately in your current state, you brain felt like it was swimming in broth.

« And..how did you both know? »

Giyuu placed a pillow behind you to soften the feel of the headboard. « Your friend called us, it was our luck we were close by, »

Their luck. Your lips twitched upwards. As if you weren’t lucky that they brought you to their apartment and smothered you in pillows and blankets. Giyuu gently sat down at the edge of the bed and threw a glance at Sabito, who only shrugged.

« Have you been sick lately? » Giyuu pressed on, his voice nearly hushed. He seemed to be much more worried about you— Sabito’s expression was one of annoyance but there was a hint of concern hidden there. « Maybe-« 

“She’s not sick.” Sabito spat, then marched forward and climbed on the bed. Your heart fluttered and you clutched the blankets to your chest. He was running a thumb over the skin right underneath your eyes. You felt inclined to tilt your head. “Been staying up late again, huh.”

You knew better than to answer, only offering a sheepish smile in return. That seemed to tell them enough. Giyuu pinched the bridge of his nose. “You told us you’d take care of yourself,”

“I had too much to get done!” You shot back. You couldn’t tell where your outburst had come from. Maybe it was from the pent up frustration from all these weeks of working in a frenzy. Or maybe you were angry at yourself for worrying them. “I needed to cram everything through, otherwise my deadlines-“

« Leave the assignments to us, » Giyuu said quietly. « We can-« 

« No! Those are my assignments, i’ve got to do them. »

« You’ve got to get better. » Sabito growled. Then he took one look at your miserable face and softened up. « Let us help you, please? »

You stayed silent for a long time, pinching and rolling the blankets in between your fingers. At last, you gave out a sigh. « Fine, but you gotta do something for me. »

« We hauled your ass back here. I think that’s enough. »

Giyuu shot Sabito a withering stare that made the latter unapologetically shove his hands in his pockets, then turned his attention back to you. « What is it, [Name]? »

“This.. this isn’t what i had in mind.”

You shifted underneath the covers. The room was dark, soothingly so. You should have been asleep in such conditions that were lovingly created for your sake. Only, the presence of your two boyfriends on either side of you, breathing down your neck was slightly too adrenaline inducing to feel an ounce of sleep.

“Shut up, Giyuu. She’s asleep.”

“I’m not.”

“She’s asleep. Because she needs it. Because she’s been overworking herself.”

“…okay.” You splayed yourself further into the mattress, feeling Giyuu’s arms tighten around your waist. His breathing had already deepened. You’d know, seeing as how his face was mushed against the back of your head. You felt so giddy you couldn’t stop a small giggle. Sabito turned his head to face you, a lopsided smile on his face.

« You like this, don’t you? Having Giyuu and i take care of you. » his voice was little more than a whisper.

Cheeks ablaze, brows furrowed in contradiction to your own feelings, you were desperately hoping not to betray your racing heart at the subtle innuendo. He laughed when you threw a pillow at him with jelly for arms, buried your face in the sheets. Knowing sleep wouldn’t come swiftly but you didn’t mind.

[cassthefrassreviews]

Wednesday- Netflix Show Review (spoilers duh)

Alright, i watched the show. Did i like it? Eh!! Will i still participate in fandom? Yes!

Show rating: 3 stars??

Right off the bat you can tell the only good actor in this show is the main character. Jenna Ortega 100% did this role amazingly, and was my second favorite character (first being Thing ofc). Everyone elses acting ranged from mid to just straight up not good? Not to mention like jesus the cast either looks 12 or late 20s, is this highschool, middle school or college?? And dont get me started on the MAIN MALE LEADS ACTING??? Tyler played by Hunter Doohan, deadass sounds like a shitty anime dub protagonist. And by GOD did that get on my nerves. I will say either the acting is better or more tolerable by the end of the season but thats most likely due to the fact the screen time mainly shifts onto the main character Wednesday. Which im fine with.

I love Wednesday, i love her so much. She is so autistic coded, just like me for real. Jennas portrayal is amazing. Line delivery, body language, everything down to the tea for amazing it was.

The writing...... yeah the writing..... yeah no..... Its not great, it feels like they only focused on making Wednesdays lines good and give 0 shits about anyone else. Some moments are great i wont lie, but alot of the writing comes off as???? Eh??? And the actors definitely didnt help carry the writing. Maybe with a different cast, it wouldn't have been so hard to watch.

The show starts off with a very strong pallet of "how do you do, fellow kids?" and honestly has one of the worse hooks ive ever seen. Social media being shoved down are throats and a couple of ad placements throughout the first episode, i was expecting a full on "HEY BUY THE LATEST IPHONE, EAT SOME DORITOS AND SHOP AT OLD NAVY" type of ads like the Addison Rae movie. Like oooooooooooof, thankfully they tone that down, but its still very obvious in some scenes.

SPOILERS BELLOW

Shows like this always make me feel weird where they have "outcast" "normie" type stuff. And yeah it was.... ?????? Man idk lmao. This show did alot of stereotypes and ???? stuff?? throughout it, that was honestly very weird? Like for example Enid isnt able to transform into a werewolf, and her mom wants to send her to.... wait for it.... CONVERSION THERAPY??? Are we serious??? And its like this long awkward scene that felt like a coming out scene of her turning down conversion therapy, and her mom storming out and her dad saying how proud he is and he will always support her....... like deadasss???? AND THEN!!! SHE ENDS UP "WOLFING OUT" AT THE END ANYWAYS????? So like are you serious??? They dealt with it like it was a coming out thing and it was a puberty thing and alsoa disability, so that was icky!!!

A HUGE ICK IS IN THE ENDING???? We find out what a hyde is and all of a sudden Wednesday finds out that Tylers mom, oh my god, was a HYDE!!! So she confronts him and let me just quote this scene for yall"

Wednesday: "Her postpartum depression triggered her condition"

Tyler: "My mom has severe bipolar disorder."

Wednesday: "We both now thats a lie..... She was a Hyde"

LIKE DID WE REALLY???? DID WE REALY JUST COMPARE A SEVERE MOOD DISORDER TO A CREATURE???? IN THE SHOW A HYDE IS DESCRIBED AND "UNLEASHED" By this: "artists by nature, but equally vindictive in temperament.” He wrote: “Born of mutation, the Hyde lays dormant until unleashed by a traumatic event or unlocked through chemical inducement or hypnosis."

Like???? what we arent going to do is compare an already severely stigmatized disorder to a literal monster. That is so fucked up??? On so many levels????

There were a couple good moments in the show, and i did really like watching the friendship between Enid and Wednesday blossom. Any scene with Thing was good and also the scenes with Eugene were pretty adorable. I do enjoy the way she does investigate and the mystery aspect is semi solid. Her visions are also portrayed very well and i like them. The fight scenes i would say are pretty well choreographed.

Wednesday has alot of autistic / neurodivergent traits, along with alot of the other characters and that is very fun to watch. Because omg me? Very relatable! Does put the whole "outcast" "normie" thing in a weird perspective tho huh?

Anways would i watch it again? No

Will i watch the second season? Yeah probably!!

Do I recommend it? EH??? If you can get through the first two episode and look past the cringey/ unbearable acting, then yeah go ahead. Its only 8 episodes, i finished it in a day, so if you just want the show in the background or youre bored sure. Again there are some captivating scenes but honestly none that are very hooking to me.

Anyways thats my review !!!

[dirtbag-linecook-kyloren]

okay idk if you've listened to evermore but i cant stop thinking about tis the damn season and dorothea being about kylux, with hux being dorothea and then i get sad lol

IM SO FASCINATED BY OUR DIFFERING KYLUX EVERMORE THOUGHTS OH MY GOD

I’m a folklore girlie at my CORE even tho I’ve been listening since debut so ofc i also love evermore the VIBES!!

(Hold on im saving this as a draft real quick this is worth getting out of bed to use the computer)

So i absolutely see your point about dorothea, but I think i get lost on that a bit because of the high school themes, and at 28 I have so much trouble reading high school aus, they make me feel gross? even college aus are starting to get that way, so I'm mainly writing grad/law school if i play with academia.

(if ur looking through my ao3 bookmarks this doesn't, weirdly, apply to ships i discovered WHILE in high school. thank god, I read so much steter fan fiction when I'm in a particularly foul mood.)

TIS THE DAMN SEASON THO

now that's a got the germination of a fic in me. It hasn't made the list of "actual aus I'm going to write" but it'll get there once I have even a HINT of plot.

I have a big au in my head about champagne problems as the starting song from Hux's POV, where he turns down the proposal of the proper society candidate and then runs away and meets kylo and it's a whirlwind romance?? I love that shit, I swear??

but RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT ME IS MY BIGGEST FUCKING HUX SONG THO

like imagine a world were they wERE together and then starkiller happened and everything goes to shit and it's over, but KYLO NEVER SAYS ANYTHING and hux iS STILL AT THE REST-AU-RANT

I have cried to this au that exists ONLY IN MY HEAD

REAL HUMAN TEARS ABOUT IT ANON

(It's also on my playlist for the KYlux big bang but in that au it's entirely in kylo's head, and more a statement on his state of mind than the actual plot. THat fic is ONLY GOOD VIBES it's 100k of self indulgence and honestly a shameful amount of smut)

Willow also works for Hux, I feel like? It's an au, obviously, but I'm sure you've all fuckin noticed I only write modern AUs Im an absolute SLUT for them.

I just feel like "They count me out time and time again," and "show me the places were the others gave you scars" are pARTICULARLY good lines for them?

Gold rush is also perfect for any AU were you have Hux feeling self conscious? It's a song that's entirely about not wanting to fall in love, because you think it's not realistic? Like, it's about dreaming how good a love could be and then denying yourself it?

Tolerate it is great for a break up au from Kylo's perspective, absolutely, especially if you make kylo young enough that their age difference is proportional enough to matter, to change the dynamic of their relationship?

This sentence is just an appreciation of no body no crime i'm not using it for a kylux au its just a fuCKING GOOD SONG. Signed, former olive garden employee

Don't get me started on your losing me btw i wILL have a break down.

anyway yes I have mANY THOUGHTS about evermore this is surely both too much and not what you asked for but I hope it was at least enjoyable!!

[1d1195]

Hi Sam! So sorryI went a little MIA! It was a bit of a crazy week with school and the holiday. Idk if I ever mentioned this but I have dogs so any major holiday is so stressful for me since they get so scared and anxious due to the fireworks. And this year it seemed like everyone in the entire neighborhood was throwing them and they started days before?! Anyways then I went through a little episode so I was a very sad girl lol I'm fine now!

But yeah I did mention it awhile back but seriously don't worry about remembering it lol The fact that you even remotely remember anything from our chats already means so much😭 But Im taking two summer sessions that are both 5 weeks long so there's so much content being thrown at me lol Im taking an ethnic studies course but it’s lowkey a literature class tbh so there also so much reading😭 and another psyc course which is once again filled with reading! Literally torturing myself lol But omg it’s such a win for you that you enjoyed your summer courses! Love that for you!

I love thrifting clothes! And I always try to find unique looking pieces even if I have to do some alterations. I got a mixture of both! I got a skirt that has this cute lemon and lime print but the print mimics paint! It reaches the top of my knees so I will be making it shorter lol. Then I got a pretty teal one with white a white floral one and it has shorts built in! Which I love sense I will be making it shorter so I won't have to worry about wearing them!  Anyways it was a win since sometimes i despise looking for clothes so I'm glad i was in the mood for it lol But OMG A MEET CUTE AT A CAR SHOW IS SUCH A DREAM!! ANd you're so writing about a story like I can see it going so many ways! Mechanic Harry or a ‘bad’ boy moment like greaser vibes?! 

Now bestie at this time I finished the season and i have THOUGHTS! I do agree that this season has been odd and a very different vibe from the first two. I'm not sure how I feel about it to be honest because since it did feel different I'm so torn how to feel! I think that Sydeny not immediately signing the papers is due to so many factors. I personally think that Carmy and what he is becoming is what is stopping her. Like those non negotiables were crazy and he took no one into consideration! Like from the beginning she wanted to work WITH Carmy and I think this is showing how she's not his equal in that sense. Like his plates aren’t a collaboration instead on what he thinks will impress her(subconsciously? idk im reaching lol) and sell. There’s for sure a lack of creativity.And I think Carmy is becoming what he despised the most, which is like a typical strict chef. But I think that he associates that with being successful since that one chef he worked for really fucked him up. So maybe trauma response? And I think overall it highlights how he is losing himself and maybe i'm reaching but it might be necessary for it to feel so off with him. Also the way your bf is naming these chefs is kinda crazy but in a good way! Maybe that chef did inspire Carmy’s character! I'm also loving Richie’s and Tina’s storylines! Idk if you’ve finished the season yet so i'm gonna be as vague as possible lol But I think passing episode 5 is where I think the season was a bit more interesting! Oh even if you did spoil it ( you didn’t)  I would not be upset! ANYWAYS that was long lol 

How was your first week?! I'm sure you were great!  Hope that the rest of your summer teaching goes well! Periods are the worst! I also sometimes feel like I want to get hit by a car too so you're not alone lol At one point I thought I had PMDD which is a long story lol. I'm glad that you've been feeling better because that is what matters the most!💗 Btw I LIVED for that toothpaste update! It was such a cute little read and ugh who knew you could make a dentist so hot😩 You did great as always! Hope you have a lovely start to your week, sending so much positive vibes! love ya!-💜

I don't think I knew you had dogs! What kind? That's so sweet; sorry they had a bad week. I see a lot of those issues with others and their dogs around this time of year. I'm sorry you went through a sad moment as well. I feel that heavily. I'm glad you're on the mend 💕

Reading for classes especially in a short amount of time is SO difficult. I'm sorry :( That's so frustrating! Hopefully it will go smoothly. Are you taking both at the same time or is like ten weeks total? It's probs a lot to take both at the same time but at least that way they would both be done in a few short weeks? Anyway, I'm rooting for you as always!

Do you tailor you're own clothes?! I feel like we would never be friends in real life because you sound like you're SO much cooler than me and so much trendier and I'm just a human wearing a potato sack 😭 I've never been a thrifting person, but I really should give it a try instead of going to TJMaxx 2 times a week 💀 but anyway. Mechanic Harry is on my list too! It would be fitting at a car show. I like that idea 🤭 I know nothing about cars though, so it will take some research!

I'm still a few episodes out from the finale, but still. I think you're so right, he did everything this season without consideration of others (thus far). I'm rewatching season 2 a bit with my sister on her first runthrough of the show and I'm seeing more Carmy and Sydney vibes this time around than I did last time. I think something snapped in him though when he was locked in the freezer (like obviously). I think it's def trauma and he probably feels like he can't fix it now. I'll let you know what I think once i finish it.

Week one was busy and I'm hoping it will get slower as we go along. I really do think it's going to fly by so I'm a LITTLE hopeful about that at least.

It's so funny you mention PMDD, someone else mentioned it to me as well. I'll have to do a deeper dive. Sometimes I just get so upset and un-dramatically feel a bit hopeless. Then it passes 🤷‍♀️ Life is crazy.

Hope you have a good week as well! Always glad to hear you liked the update! 💕🤭 I think I would kill for a dentist like Harry 😉

xoxo

[gothmods]

tmi misc. sex thoughts

I own 4 dildos now. Really speedrunning this whole newly awakened sexuality thing.

No regrets though as i think i bought in a helpful sequence.

The most recent dongs are silicone, previous to that was a glass wand and a glass dildo (yknow the wand with a heart on the end. Ive been seeing it since like 2015 i kind of had to get it because i am afterall a sucker for cute things). Silicone feels nicer than glass but is sooo slippery and harder to insert (not helped by the angles for anal being so fucking awkward) so to me anyway glass is easier for starting out and also easier to keep clean than silicone which picks up every bit of dust and lint. Ive gotta get some storage bags...

I think silicone is a bit easier though working solo since its harder to get the right angles, once you get it in anyway. Glass would be nice i think with a partner because man i cannot fucking see what im doing.

Suction cup on the wall next to the bed was fun but hard to figure out the placement since once again i cannot see back there. But insertion that way was really hard because of the slippery and bendy.

Very good once i got going though. Still hard to coordinate once you add a wand vibe to the mix but ill figure things out eventually i think.

I need a sex butler. Like a butler for sex straight up older guy with a moustache and a tux who says "and how is the dildo placement working for sir" and who can hold my vibrator for me n stuff. Not even in a horny way (mostly).

Im having fun though. Idk what else there is to say on it all other than its fun. Idk if ive orgasmed or anything, like that eludes me kinda and i really dont know how people pinpoint it so exactly.

Also ive kinda just been watching f/m porn.... gay porn i struggle with i think in part because i feel very alienated by masculine expressions of anything and that extends to sexuality. But also the body diversity kind of sucks. And also i think its a bit down to how i specifically engage with porn, i feel like i get the most out of it when it shows experiences i would enjoy or can physically relate to... which sadly i have failed at being a penis empath my brain just does not connect it back to me. Its not like i see myself as the actors its much more of a physical/sensory thing. There are vids ive enjoyed but finding them is a pain. Bara manga is great but less options and no audio.

The f/m thing hasnt been triggering at all though which i think is down to watching stuff that is dissimilar to what i would seek out to self harm. It is harder to find content thats just anal with no vaginal though :( kills the mood a bit.

This may be the last long post i write like this or at least the last where i sound like an anthropologist of masturbation. Heres hoping anyway.

[xx-neon]

june 12th

hi 

i wanted to start writing because i feel like itll help me in some way, ive never really said anything i think or feel. i never really say anything at all. 

if for some reason someone who isnt me reads this im sorry. itll be a lot of word vomit and just generally unpleasant so maybe dont read all of it lol. im going to try and not use lol beacuse i do that to lighten the mood.

anyway.

yesterday before i went to work i had this really strange feeling. it was this weird sense of nothingness and everything? i feel like thats how people feel before they die. like a weird calmness. i felt comfortable and okay with everything. so i felt nothing really when i googled if hanging yourself hurts, i have a rope and everything but i just wanted to make sure i wouldnt feel any more pain. in my head i thought it would be kinda like a slap to the face if i wanted to kill myself because of the pain and then the last thing i feel is pain ha. 

anyway. i got really annoyed when all the results were for the suicide helpline. numbers to call, resources, texting lines everything. i just wanted to know. but then i gave up. as usual. 

all day yesterday i was just planning on when id do it. i wanted to pick a good day. i remembered that i have to clean my apartment first, make sure my cat is fed, but then my friends birthday is coming up and i wanted to wish them a happy birthday, and i had plans to hang out with my friend, and then after that i had plans to hang out with another of my friends. i realized maybe im too busy to die and i really didn't want to disappoint anyone. so i just gave up on that thought. (i did see my friends i was supposed to see yesterday, and this guy bought my food and drinks which has never happened before which was really nice) 

idk how i got here honestly. ive tried suicide before but obviously im writing so that didnt work. but before was different. i just went for it. i didnt think about it. i didnt plan anything i just went 1,2,3 go. i mean, i know how i got here. myself. if i wasnt such a fucking people pleaser maybe I'd have enough balls to be in a better place. 

my ex and i officially broke up last week, and thats kinda where it all started. i know it sounds stereotypical but i dont want to die because of the breakup but because of the feelings that came after it. i really wanted to break up. it was my idea in the beginning. but it took him forever to just say “yeah i dont have any feelings so this is it”. it was like my ego took a flip. ive actually have never had someone say that to me. that sounds really uppity i know. but its true. in my head i thought “after all i did for you thats how you end it?”. and i really ruined my life for this guy. i quit my old job i did hate it tho, moved away from my friends and family, he got into an accident so i used all my money to take care of him and had to take off work, drove him everywhere bc he couldnt drive, etc. and what did i get in return? he cheated on me twice, treated me like shit, slammed a door in my face so hard it broke my glasses, tried to hit me. the relationship was so bad all im left with is alcoholism and an eating disorder. so honestly, good riddance. 

he left me in a really, really bad place. i have to figure out where to live now since he just up and left. i dont have enough money to live on my own anymore. tbh i dont even want to write about it since it stresses me out so much. so i wont. ive just been drinking and going out to distract myself. not from him but like i said, the feelings that came after it. i want revenge, i want peace, i want him to apologize, i want him to never do this to anyone, and i just want to die. i dont have people to talk to about this stuff, i do but, i dont want to seem like an angry ex. i just want people to see the hurt that ive been through. i just want someone to tell me its going to be okay. that what i feel is normal. that people go through this all the time. i just want comfort. 

im sure if i actually told anyone about this theyd be like “but you have me!! you have your family!! you have people who care about you!!”. and yeah i do. but when youre so far down a hole, you dont see the light at the top, just darkness. and probably dirt lol. 

i cried for the first time today. since all of this happened i havent cried at all. my chest has been hurting so much since ive been holding it in. but the reason i started crying was kinda dumb. one of my old friends found me and reached out. he wanted to see how i was doing and what ive been up to. what was i supposed to say? “hey ive been horrible! just planning my suicide and and stuff ya know” but of course i couldnt say that so i just said ive been good. we caught up for a bit and thats when he said hes getting over a breakup that messed him up. so i took the bait and said yeah me too. he just said if you ever want to talk you can always call or text. so i just said thank you it means a lot and that things can only get better i guess. and idk why but thats when i started crying. he said 

“theres so much good to come” 

its so dumb but i felt like those words were just a giant warm blanket. especially with the head space that im in. obviously i could hear that from anyone. but hearing it from someone i haven't talked to in like 4 years meant so much more.

there are so many people who care about me. ive just been stuck dealing with my ex and only caring about what he had to think or feel. he never really cared about me like these people do. theyre concerned about me. they tell me to eat, they tell me theyre worried about my drinking, they dont want me to be out alone, they want to make sure im okay. 

so fuck my ex. fuck him and anyone who thinks hes a good person. hes such a manipulative piece of shit. no one really knows what ive been through. no one knows how hes left me. no one knows about the cheating. no one knows about the abuse. they know nothing. im sure hes talked about me. im sure hes told them how i have a hard time showing feelings. im sure hes told them.. i dont even know. hes probably pulled something out of his ass. and they probably feel so bad for him. i hope they do. and i hope one day they feel just as stupid as i do. 

i just had to get my anger out. 

but my friend is right i think. maybe there is good to come. ive decided to stick around to find out. 

[quotidian-oblivion]

FF ask: if a fic title was "New day, old problems" what would you write in it?

Just came up with that title on the spot and low-key not that bad

I love that title, Vibey. I think i'll call on you next time when i need to title something. Spare the readers from dad jokes for once.

Hmm, let's see. I would write about... ugh i cant think. I'm not in my writers mood rn. Which ask number is this? It's no. 13.

Hmm, i'd write about Tim going through A Day. He keeps being pelted with problems left and right. WE assignments. Overdue tasks. A new case opened up. A mugging that ended up with him getting stabbed. Jason's in the manor today and everyone is on edge as they always are with him. Just problems ad problems and he's getting stressed and stressed.

And then Damian's making a fuss cuz of course he does, he's a little brother and little brothers are legally obligated to get on their older brothers' nerves. So Damian's berating him about something, maybe his inattentiveness cuz he got stabbed in a mugging.

Dick is sending glances at him, unsure of whether or not to interrupt cuz Tim's been real cagey after the whole Bruce gets lost in time fiasco. Speaking of Bruce, they still haven't had that conversation after returning back.

So Tim gets up and walks away from Damian while the kid is still talking and then he trips, but manages to keep from falling, but it shakes his stitches and he's in pain and gets reminded of when he lost his spleen, he was bleeding in the desert and of how alone he felt and how he still feels lonely. He thought everything would be alright. He thought it would all be okay after saving Bruce. But it's not. It's still not okay. He's still alone.

He's always.

Fucking.

Alone.

So he crumples to his knees and his shoulders start shaking and tears start dripping and then the whole Cave freezes. Dick asks what happened and Tim... Tim doesn't have the strength to reply. He bursts into sobs. Openly. He doesn't care anymore.

The whole family gathers around him now, unsure as to how they can reassure him, but Tim throws himself to the person nearest to him. Which was coincidentally Bruce. He sobs into Bruce's arms and the delicate stitches rip and he's bleeding on him as well. But he doesn't care. He's given up now.

It seems that Bruce doesn't care either cuz he isn't showing any signs of letting go. Instead, he starts stroking Tim's hair. And Tim melts.

Snot and tears and drool are leaking everywhere. Tim hasn't cried in a long time. He's almost forgotten the experience.

"What's wrong, chum?" Bruce asks quietly, still running his fingers through his hair.

Tim is about to shake his head, but stops. He doesn't care now, does he? He doesn't care about what answer he gives.

"I feel alone," he whispers, so so quietly. And so so honestly. He's never been this honest before.

Anyway, so then the batfam comforts him blah blah. Damian was actually worried about his brother and didnt know how to express it. Dick too was worried and didnt know how to fix their relationship again. Jason was sorry and he still is cuz it was about time he accepted Tim as his brother. And Bruce... Bruce just wasn't sure if Tim still wanted to be his son.

And so, the batfamily and Tim learn an important lesson. Communication! Which, yk, is something they're sorely missing.

~

Idk if this is too long, but eh. I'm not gonna turn this into a proper fic though, dont really feel like it. If you or anyone else wants to, then thats fine! Give credit where its due and all, but yeah. Hope you like it cuz i literally made it on the spot and im still going through my burnout so idk if this is really that good.

Also, i dont usually write in present tense, i just plan plotlines in it. I mainly write with past tense cuz thats the only tense i feel is easy to be consistent with for me.

Thanks for this question, Vibes, I really liked it!

[ryuusjacket]

okay so i wanted to share this post that i made a while back from my personal nsfw blog but i feel kinda embarrassed just reblogging it here and showing off the url to that blog publicly (i. literally have like 2 maybe 3 followers on this blog so far lmao) even tho like. i Do share the url w ppl who i trust and who Want to read long ass posts that go into indepth descriptions of my sexual identity, my sexual health, my desires/feelings with regards to sex, and my experiences w sex (w myself bc idk how to initiate a sexual encounter w another human being). you're welcome to dm me for the url if ur Really interested in reading turbo tmi content (it is all text btw. idk how to take nudes so those don't exist sorry)

ANYWAY i sometimes do thought dumps on there that involve nsfw topics like smut fanfic n stuff, so i've tried to brainstorm for my planned sskk fic on there before and well i actually found a wordy one i did where i rlly tried to explain in detail just exactly i Want to create and accomplish w this fic idea of mine. and even just re-reading the post myself, i found it to be very concise and illustrative of my goal for the fic's overall mood and tone. it was a very well-needed reminder for me to read my thought process from a month or so back when i was a bit more hyped to begin this project.

so yeah! anyway im just gonna copy and paste the whole damn post here bc i think it's an interesting read and good presentation of my inner thoughts wrt to what i'm hoping to write (hopefully) someday soon. and really... this fic idea is still barely in its infancy like there's still SO MUCH left to brainstorm and plan out like fuck!!! it's still too early to even start an outline doc (and that's like one of my fave parts of the fic writing process)

oh and some background context: a few months ago there was an event on twitter/ao3 (not sure if here on tumblr? i unfortunately don't follow many or any bsd/sskk blogs at ALL yet) for bottom akutagawa week which was HEAVEN for me 🥰🥰🥰 literally could not have been a better event to appeal to my interests in this fandom i s2g. and i got my hopes up that maybe i could write a lil fic in time to share during the week but that unfortunately didn't happen. anyway here's the post:

so i might not be able to write the bsd smut fic i was initially hoping to publish during the bottom aku fan week this week... but that doesn't mean i have to give up on this fic project completely! if anything now i don't have to worry about meeting an irrefutable deadline and i can technically do anything i want. so yeah i still wanna write this fic.

but first. i have to figure out What The Fuck i'm gonna write lmao cause i still don't fucking know. i was Intending to do a < 4k word one-shot fluffy getting together that somehow... transitions into a sex scene. and i still wanna do that... but i just. don't rlly have any specific detail or image or moment or dialogue line in mind to start building a story from. AND LIKE yeaH i know that sounds dumb cause it's like. if i don't have ANYTHING fantasized yet then WHY AM I EVEN BOTHERING to start this fic at all!?

.......im not really sure tbh lmao

nah it's cause i love these dudes and i wanna write something for them and interact w the sskk fan community.

i literally just. need to figure out the BARE BONES premise to this dang fic. like where tf is it gonna take place? is it mid/post-mission? is it at one of their flats? also WHERE are they gonna HAVE SEX???? im actually a big fan of sex scenes happening in non-conventional places (e.g. some dusty ass room in an abandoned building they were investigating or in a public restroom oR FUckinG in an airplane holy shit i haven't seen that one done yet lmao MILE HIGH CLUB ONE-SHOT LETS GOO) but yea idk maybe i should just. keep it simple and do what every other fic does and let them get down at ryuu's place in his luxuriously huge bed (that hasn't canonically been shown, let alone wherever he lives)

i should AT LEAST settle on how fast this fic is gonna be paced. tbh i kinda Always prefer sskk's first time being a bit... feverish and rushed. it just suits them best. maybe there’s a little angst or miscommunication of feelings/intentions thrown in before they Eventually get their shit/feelings together. but anyway i don’t wanna write that lmao that’s too complicated (but like. yeah. these are two Very complicated (i.e. traumatized) guys with a VERY complicated relationship so. yeah it’s actually kinda rare/weird to imagine things working out Too smoothly for them tbh). 

while objectively that complicated/messy/aggressive type shit is their Brand, i would still like to keep things soft and gentle and Nice. that stuff is Not Impossible w these two ofc. it’s... tricky, but def possible. and i wanna achieve That. a getting together that is soft, hesitant, shy, and puts a heavy emphasis on Both of these men’s inexperience wrt romance and sex (that. is. my. Shit. they are both virgins and absolutely clueless and i Refuse to accept anything other than that. ......okay no... that’s not rlly true... basically all of my fave fics have a somewhat experienced atsushi and that’s okay bc like. how else is he gonna be able to Take Care of ryuu if he doesn’t already have an idea of how to take care of someone during sex? anyway ryuu is the most virginal virgin of all virgins to exist THAT IS INDISPUTABLE!!!!!)

so. i guess what i’m wondering is... how fast can i manage to pace the flow of the story while still keeping it soft overall. cause i don’t feel like writing a super super hot n filthy sex scene that’s charged and exhilarating and just a fucking blur of fucking. i wanna write feely, emotional sex. an aching intimate exchange of trust between them, still laced w hesitance and anxiety and sheer disbelief that this is really happening and that they can have this. both of them express unwavering consideration for each other’s comfort, constantly asking for consent and reassuring the other that “yes, i want this. yes, that feels good. yes yes yes.” they’re both taking careful, yet still enthusiastic, steps together. TENDERNESS is my ultimate goal here.

so yeah anyway i’ll try to keep thinking about this and hopefully i can actually come up w some ideas that i wanna implement into whatever this fic eventually becomes. just haven’t had enough time.... or horniess.... to get down to some real brainstorming yet lmao

[cbenchtrio]

i want to collect my own versions of all the cliche dsmp aus like silly and evil infinity stones

[nastybuckybarnes]

Of Kings and Beasts  -  Two

Pairing: King!Bucky X Princess!Reader X King!Steve

Summary: Born a bastard of the King of Orlen, you’re thrusted to the West to marry the Kings. However, the greeting you get is anything but warm, and your life with the King is far from enjoyable. He knows it isn’t your fault his husband is gone, but that fact alone won’t prevent him from taking it out on you.

Warnings: Dark Themes, Smut, NonCon, Language, Kinda Slow Burn, Bucky with the mood swings, Probably poor editing

Word Count: 3.2K

A/n: I cannot put into words how tired I am rn like idk why im so tired all the time but I am. Anyway, here's another part of this cause I like this series but its SO FUCKING DARK LIKE SO DAMN DARK PLEASE BE WARNED!! I HAD TO TAKE A BREAK FROM WRITING PART THREE BECAUSE ITS FUCKING DARK

THIS SERIES CONTAINS SMUT AND VERY DARK THEMES THAT MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME AUDIENCES!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!

PART ONE

~*~

“Your Majesty? Are you feeling at all better today?” You shake your head, curled up on your bed in the fetal position in a pathetic attempt at blocking out the world.

“Please, Majesty. A walk and some fresh air will do you well. It needn’t be long.” You sigh and push your blankets away from your face.

“You will not stop until I agree, will you?” Natasha smiles gently at you. “I’m afraid not, Your Majesty. It is only for your health that I insist.” She helps you to your feet, a frown on her face at the way you struggle still to move.

“You are still in pain?” You simply nod, wincing when she has you step into a dress.

“The pain is more bearable than it was.” She nods, mind wandering as she helps you into your dress for the day.

It’s a simple navy dress with a gold string wrapping around the waist. The sleeves hang past your fingers and you toy with the pretty fabric while Natalia holds an arm around your waist.

The walk is painful and slow and with every step, you wish you were back in your room.

From the looks you get from the staff, you know it’s known how unwelcome you are. This is not how you thought your union would be at all.

~*~

“You were supposed to take care of her! Treat her with kindness and compassion! Not leave her bloody on her bed once you’ve satisfied your need!” Natalia snarls, slamming her hand on the King’s desk. He looks up at her, a bored expression on his face until he processes her words. Then his expression gradually changes to one of regret.

“I... I hadn’t meant to be so rough with her. She... I just... It’s a betrayal, Natalia. I’ve broken my oath to the man I love.” She shakes her head, glaring at him.

“No, it is not. You and Steven made an agreement that you would find a queen. You chose her specifically. And now that Steve is no longer here you’re wanting to back out? That is not how this works, James, and you know that.”

He grinds his teeth together so hard he’s surprised they don’t break.

“That’s exactly the problem! Every time I look at her I’m reminded of him! Because we were supposed to have her together! We were supposed to marry her together and bed her together! She is not mine, she was meant to be ours!”

“And so you treat her like a burden because your husband is not here? You act as though she is nothing more than a whore? That woman in there has feelings, James.” The king pinches the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut to try and reign in his anger.

“You could never possibly understand what it is that I’m feeling. I already admitted to being rougher than I wanted to be. And I should have stopped, but I needed to get it through to consummate the marriage.”

Nat pauses at his words, hoping he doesn’t mean what she thinks he means.

“What do you mean you should have stopped? Did she tell you to stop?”

He swallows hard before nodding.

“She... I could hardly understand her, she was crying so much, but she begged me to a-and she was pushing me away. But I didn’t.”

The harsh sound of her hand connecting with his cheek echoes through the room. The King is stunned but he knows he deserves far worse than a mere smack.

“I never thought you capable of such cruelty, James. That woman is your wife, the Queen of your Kingdom, and you have treated her as if she is the one who took your husband from you.”

He grows angry at the mention of the man he loves. “She is attempting to replace him!” He exclaims, slamming his fist down on his desk to enunciate his point.

“How could you possibly know that?!” Nat counters, her voice raised to match his.

“She has said nothing about wanting to replace Steven! She was well aware that she would be bound to both kings, not just you. I’m sure she is wondering about where her other husband is, why he has not been seen. You need to talk to her. Apologize for brutalizing her the way you have. Mend your relationship with her because she is the only chance you have at continuing your bloodline. She is the only one who can ensure your reign continues.”

The King is silent, mulling over her words before sighing heavily.

“Where is she?”

Nat crosses her arms over her chest. “It has been four days since your marriage and you are only just asking now? She has been unable to walk for the past three days, so she has remained in her chambers. I forced her for a short walk today, but I do not think it did much to lift her spirits.” His jaw clenches for a moment before he lets a breath out through his nose.

“When she is healed I shall talk to her.” It’s not much, but it’s a start, and that’s all Natalia can ask for.

It’s two days after that before you can walk on your own, and even then you’ve got a severe limp. It’s two more days after that before you can sit down on anything besides your bed. It isn’t until ten days after the consummation of your marriage that you leave your room again.

“If you’re feeling healed, the King would like you to join him for tea on his private balcony.”

You’re shocked at Wanda’s words, but you try to hide it, offering her a nod while she helps you get dressed into a simple light blue gown.

She leads you through the Palace towards a side that you’ve never seen before, not that you’ve had much of a chance to explore. When you reach a set of grand oak doors you find yourself growing increasingly nervous.

Wanda, oblivious to your racing heart, knocks twice on the wood then bows to you before scurrying down the hallway and out of sight.

“Enter,” a muffled voice calls. You take a deep breath and push the door open, keeping your eyes cast downwards as you enter the King’s chambers.

His eyes find you immediately, a frown on his face at the way you keep your eyes down on the floor.

“I am glad you’ve rested and recovered,” he says, his frown deepening when you flinch at his voice. You say nothing in reply, simply stand with your hands folded gently atop your skirts.

“Come over to me. The tea is waiting.” You nod, risking a glance up to find where he is and walking over to him. He sits at a small table on the balcony, his attention focused somewhere over the horizon, and you risk taking a breath in.

You carefully sit down on the chair across from him, a wince flashing over your features as discomfort flares between your thighs. The expression doesn’t go unnoticed by him, and a wave of guilt washes through him.

“I... I wanted to apologize for our wedding night. And... I do hope that you can forgive me for my actions and we can start anew.”

You’re beyond surprised and look up at him, unable to stop the look of shock from crossing your face. “Y-you have nothing to apologize for, Your Majesty.”

He watches you, watches the way your fingers tremble as you reach out for the teacup. Watches the way you avoid his eyes and shrink into yourself as if to seem as unthreatening and small as possible.

You’re afraid.

Not that he’s surprised, necessarily. What, with the way he treated you? He’s shocked you’re holding yourself together so well.

“I had not intended on being so rough with you. Especially not on our first night together. You must understand that I am not myself as of late. I am... worried about my husband. Hoping to find him soon.” You nod, Wanda’s words echoing in your head.

“There is nothing for me to forgive, Your Majesty. I understand the way you’d like for us to get along and I understand my purpose and my place. You needn’t strain yourself over me. It is my duty to be at your leisure, even if it is not what I desire.”

Your words stun him into silence, the tension growing between the two of you.

“(Y/n),” your name feels foreign on his tongue yet so very right. “When I said what I had said yesterday... All I meant was that-” “Forgive me, Your Majesty, but I do believe I understood. I am not so foolish as to believe that this marriage was for anything besides politics. You and the King need an heir and I am here to provide one. That is my place, as you said. Now I do hope you will excuse me, for I am feeling rather delicate and would very much like to return to my chambers.”

He says nothing, simply nods his head and watches as you hold back another wince as you stand up.

He isn’t alone for long. No, Natalia is strolling into his chambers mere moments after you’ve left.

“That was brief,” she says, eyes taking note of the untouched tea that sits across from the King.

“I apologized. That is all that was required of me, yes?” She groans and shakes her head. “How will Steve feel if, when he returns, you and the Queen cannot remain in the same room? You know that he will be beyond disappointed.”

“What am I to do? I tried to speak with her about it but she... it seems to be strictly political. She does not seem to even want to entertain the idea of anything beyond a loveless marriage.”

“Is that, perhaps because she is afraid of how you will treat her if she were to express her desire to be wanted? If you cannot express with words how you feel, then do so with your actions.”

He doesn’t come to you that night. Nor the night after.

It isn't until the third day after that that you see him again. Even then it isn’t any different than the last time.

You’re leaving your chambers to go for a walk in the garden, something Wanda and Nat have been encouraging upon realizing you’re not feeling like yourself.

“I’m telling you, James. I think it’s him.” That’s Samuel’s voice.

“I think he’s right. We should go see. Send a team out. It doesn’t look like they are very securely guarding him. We could go in and have him back within a month.” That one’s Natalia.

Wanda’s chattering goes unnoticed by you as you realize they’re talking about King Steven.

“If you’re sure about this, then gather a team and have the horses prepped. We’ll leave at dusk.”

As they’re rounding the corner they nearly bump right into you. You and Wanda both stop, both of you dropping into a curtsy while Nat and Sam bow.

“Your Majesty,” they greet. You nod at them, eyes cast down.

“You two are both dismissed. You as well, Lady Wanda. I require a word with my wife.” You’re confused at him calling you his wife but you say nothing, eyes stuck on the ground as three sets of footsteps walk away from you.

He’s quiet, watching the way you avoid his eyes.

Finally, unable to bear the silence anymore and wanting to have him be through with whatever it is he wants, you speak.

“You are leaving?” He waits until you glance up at him to answer.

“I will be, yes. We are not sure how long I shall be gone for. But before I leave I’ll be coming to you in your chambers. There’s the chance that I won’t return,  so I need to do my part in ensuring my lineage continues. I haven’t come to you to allow you time to recover, but there is only so long you can expect a man to wait for his wife.” You say nothing, simply nod at him.

“I shall be waiting for you, Your Majesty. Is that all?” He lets out a deep breath before speaking again.

“I require an heir, (Y/n). If I am gone for any longer than two months and you are not with child when I return, I will not be as accommodating as I have been.” You can’t help the scoff that leaves you.

“Is something funny to you?”

You look up at him for a moment then shake your head.

“I beg your pardon, Your Majesty. I just hadn’t realized that this was you being accommodating.”

He grabs your face roughly in his flesh hand, fingers digging into your cheeks and forcing you to look at him.

“You watch your tongue with me, woman. If you forget your place I will need to remind you of it, won’t I? But you don’t want that.” Your heart races in your chest and you quickly shake your head ‘no’.

“Remember your place. Or I will beat you back into it. Understand?” You nod and only after a moment longer does he release his grip on your chin.

You drop your head, eyes focused on the ground as he walks away from you. Tears sting at your eyes and you take a few minutes to compose yourself before walking back into the Palace, heading for your chambers.

~*~

He doesn’t bother knocking. He just pushes the door open and makes himself at home. To his surprise, you’re seated on your bed in a nightgown, nose buried in a book.

You’re so caught up in whatever you’re reading that you don’t even notice him.

He takes this moment to really take you in, eyes inspecting your face.

You’re beautiful, that much he and Steve gathered long before even deciding on marrying you. You have a gentle beauty to your face that is such a refreshing change to all the hard and gruesome things he’s seen in his life. He hates that all he wants to do is stare at you.

He notices that. your face lacks its usual glow, and you have dark bags beneath your eyes. Making a mental note to tell Nat to make sure you sleep properly, he takes a step towards you.

You glance upwards, jumping at the way he stands watching you.

He takes another step towards you, unbuttoning his shirt and walking closer to you. You set your book aside and swallow hard.

“How will you have me?” He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, eyeing you for a moment before deciding.

“On your back.” You push the blankets aside and lay down on your back, trying to take deep breaths.

He takes hold of your ankles and gently tugs you down the bed until your bum is at the edge.

His member slaps against your slit and you jolt, tears welling up in your eyes at the memories of the last time this happened.

Instead of pushing into you dry like he did last time, he leans down and spits right on your intimate area. Shame fills you at how close he comes to you, and at the lewd act, but he seems unfazed. He does the same to his length then slowly pushes in.

There isn’t nearly enough lubricant, and it pinches and burns, but it’s not nearly as painful as last time.

That, however, doesn’t stop the tears from raining down your cheeks. Your chest shudders, silent sobs trying to break free. You bring your hands up to your face, pressing one to your mouth and the other shielding the rest of your face from view.

The King stops moving, his brows furrowed and eyes focused on what he can see of your face, trying to see if he’s causing you pain.

“A-am I hurting you?” He asks, his voice strained. You shake your head, keeping your eyes closed and waiting for him to keep going.

He’s hesitant but slowly starts thrusting again, pressing his face into your neck if only so he doesn’t have to see the tears on your face. The tears he’s causing.

It pains him to see such sorrow when a pretty face like yours should only be happy. He hates himself for knowing he’s the cause, but he can’t very well stop. He has a job to do, an heir to create.

He focuses instead on how your body feels beneath him. Soft and squishy in all the perfect places. And by the Gods, you’re so tight and warm around him. He groans softly against your neck, lips subconsciously pressing kisses to the skin as he approaches his climax.

You hold your breath as he fills you with warmth again, his breath hot and damp against your skin.

He stays sheathed within you for a few moments longer before pulling out and tucking his cock back into his trousers.

“I leave in a few hours. My councilmen are in charge while I am gone. Remember your place.” You don’t answer and he pauses, leaning down to grab your face the same way he did before.

“What occurs between us in our bed remains between you and me. I do not want to hear of you saying a word about it to anyone. You are mine and I shall treat you how I want.” You nod, mind and body numb.

“Good. I shall return shortly. If I will be gone longer than a month I will send word.” He exits without another word, leaving you used and broken yet again.

~*~

The riders leave as soon as the sun sets, the king leading them. You watch through the small window in your room, heart heavy as you realize that you well and truly serve but one purpose to the man.

“Dinner, your Majesty.” You glance over your shoulder to where Wanda is holding a tray of food.

“No thank you, Wanda. I am not hungry tonight. If you don’t mind, I’d like to go to bed.” She nods, setting the tray down and hurrying to get your bed ready.

“I can do that tonight, Wanda. I would... I would like some time alone, please.” She pauses, the pain in your voice far more evident than you wanted it to be.

“Of course, Your Majesty.” She bows her head, picks up the tray of food, then hurries out of your chambers and leaves you alone for the night.

You hardly sleep at all, silent tears tracking down your cheeks as thoughts of how much better your old life was fill your mind.

You truly are no better than a prisoner, and for a moment you find yourself wishing you were beheaded with your mother.