#anyway. my brain hurts. BYE :)

[enhaeil]

BEST YOU EVER HAD ! ☆ 이희승

"ain't this what you came for? don't you wish you came more? girl, what you're playing for? ah, come on..."

tonight (best you ever had) - john legend

c/w: smut, down bad!heeseung x reader, fluff, comedy, drinking, lalalala

—₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

lee heeseung is so used to women falling at his feet. but you? you weren't that simple. and heeseung has tried everything.

smooth texts, warm smiles, and suggestive looks. always finding a reason to be near you. you? unbothered, ignoring him, and going on about your day. when you do flirt, you never let him have too much. you smile, but never fall for his games.

yet every rejection only makes him want you more.

"c'mon, y/n. just one chance. i promise it'll be worth it!" he says chasing after you as you walk to class, hands reaching to carry your backpack, which you allow him to do.

"not interested, heeseung." you don't even spare him a glance as you reject him once again.

you finally reach your classroom and turn around to reach for your bag, locking eyes with heeseung in the process.

"so i'll see you after class?" he says, hands purposely grazing yours as he hands you your bag.

"do i have a choice?" you say sarcastically, making him smile at you.

"not really!" he laughs, but you know he's serious.

"what will it take to make you leave?"

heeseung thinks for a moment as if this was a life-altering question, and to him, it was.

"maybe ... a kiss? i mean, it'll do for now."

a few moments of silence passes as you stare at him, gears in your brain turning. heeseung takes this as an opportunity to slowly lean in, face inching closer to yours.

but right before he gets the kiss he's been yearning for, you back away with a smirk. "nice try, heeseung."

"you're killing me, y/n." he says, holding his chest as if you just shot him.

"i know." and with that, you disappear into your classroom.

heeseung runs his hands through his hair before making his way to his class. god, what do i have to do to earn her?

—✩ ₊˚

the school day ends, and you do see heeseung again. and several times after that. now he's walking you back to your dorm. you didn't ask him to, but he claims you need protection.

"you always walk this slow, or is it just with me?" you ask, as heeseung turns your 3 minute walk into 5.

"maybe i'm trying to drag it out so you'll talk to me more."

"how's that going for you?"

"you wound me, woman. guess i'll have to woo you over with my charm or... persistence."

"well you got the persistence part down."

"is it working?"

you don't try to hide the small smile that forms on your face. he can be funny sometimes.

"anyways, i'm throwing a thing at my place tonight. a little something, just a few drinks, and some music. you should come!" he says, catching up to you.

you stop walking as you raise a brow. "you sure it's not just an excuse to get me in your house?"

heeseung smirks, "that's a plus. but i just wanna see you outside of this hell hole."

you ponder on it a bit, before continuing to walk. "i'll think about it.."

heeseung smiles, bouncing around like a child. "that's all i ask. if you come i promise i'll behave. scouts honor! unless you don't want me to ..."

"bye, heeseung" you say, shoving him off the side walk a bit.

—✩ ₊˚

you finally make it into your dorm, throwing your bag down.

"this guy really thinks he's got it like that.." you think as you kick off your shoes and plop down on your bed.

you stare at your ceiling, thoughts running through your head.

maybe a party won't be so bad ... i'm allowed to have fun..

you walk to your closet, shuffling through the items you have in there before you spot a dress you never got to wear.

wouldn't hurt to go, right?

—✩ ₊˚

before you know it, it's time to head out. you're already 30 minutes late which, was completely intentional.

you look at yourself in the mirror one more time, smoothing your dress out. before grabbing your purse and car keys, heading out the door.

as you arrive, you can already hear the music from your car. "a little something" my ass.

you debate about driving back to your dorm, not even knowing why you brought yourself here. you decide to go inside, knocking on the door.

you shiver a bit as the night breeze hits your exposed arms. then the door clicks open, revealing the man who annoys you the most. but for once, he's quiet.

"y/n ... you came." he speaks after a few moments, his eyes lighting up at the sight of you.

"yeah! i did." the silence is thick as he stares you down from the doorway.

"uh.. can you let me in? it's cold."

he's shaken out of his trance. "oh- oh yeah, come in."

you finally step inside, taking in your surroundings. his house is nice, underneath all the red cups and drunk college students.

"you clean up nice." he looks you up and down. "i mean, not that you don't always look nice— you always look... extremely nice." he stutters, dazed.

"right. where are the drinks?"

he takes you towards the kitchen, where you shuffle through his fridge, looking for something you'd enjoy.

"you know, I didn't think you'd show up." he says, sipping his drink.

you shrug, picking up a bottle and reading the label. strawberry daiquiri ... that's more like it. "guess i was bored."

"nothing better to do than to walk into my party wearing that dress?"

"don't flatter yourself." you say, walking away, heeseung not too far behind you.

your daiquiri wasn't enough to get you drunk, or even tipsy, but enough to make you let loose a bit.

you mingle around, making conversation with a few people you know from your classes. heeseung eventually leaves your side, not that you noticed. but his eyes never left you once.

you feel a hand brush your arm and it's none other than him.

"dance with me" he says, and before you can protest you're already getting dragged to the living room.

it's barely dancing, just swaying and heeseung trying to keep up with you.

"heeseung, you're drunk." you giggle at him, his cheeks flushed.

"yeah? i'm sober enough to know exactly what i want." he pauses, twirling you to the music. "sober enough to know that it's you."

his hand slides to your lower back, as if he was trying to keep you steady.

"you really don't quit do you?" you say, brow raised. "you've probably got a lineup of girls waiting to get in your pants, yet you're worried about what's in mine."

"probably. but i don't want any of them."

you scoff at his cockiness, but entertain him nonetheless.

"this ain't what you want, heeseung. i don't even think you can handle all of this." you reply, still swaying to the beat of the music.

heeseung freezes for a second, blinking once, then twice, before he laughs, quiet and low, looking at you with that same dazed look from earlier.

"let me prove it, then." he says, hands reaching for yours.

"give me one chance ...i promise i'll be the best you ever had."

you stand there, staring at him. his hands are cold, but your body is warm. you want to open your mouth, to say something snarky, to shut him down as always.

but you see it. that look in his eyes. dazed. hungry. like he already knows you inside and out.

maybe it's the music. maybe it's the daiquiri burning in your stomach. maybe you just wanted to give in for once. but you agree, softly.

"okay."

his eyes widened a bit, not expecting you to agree. he plays it off with a smirk, before leading you through the crowd.

he takes you up the stairs, and into his room, door clicking softly behind you.

you look around his room, noticing the action figures and posters on his wall. weird. he's a total geek..

you turn around, seeing he hasn't moved from his spot. heeseung, the man who has been begging for your time for months, hasn't moved an inch.

"you getting cold feet?" you say, smirk evident on your face.

"i don't wanna mess this up." his voice is low, vulnerable, as his eyes flick down to your lips and then back to your eyes.

"have you messed up before?" you say, brows raised.

"they weren't you."

you hold his gaze, smirk faltering for a second, not expecting that response.

"careful. you sound like you might like me." you say, shaking off the thought.

he finally moves from the door, making his way towards you. "i do. always have."

"you can still change your mind." he says, hands itching to touch you.

"you want me to?" there's a short moment of silence between them.

"you know I don't."

heeseung's hands lightly rub against your waist, as if he were trying to memorize your curves. he pulls you against him, whispering in your ear.

"tell me you want this like i do."

your chest rises a little faster now, as his hand rests on your face. not demanding, just there.

"i want this."

heeseung moves slowly, thumb caressing your face as his other hand roams down your body. he presses light kisses against your jaw, as if he's testing to see if you'll stop him.

you don't.

his lips finally meet yours, and it's nothing like you expected. it's patient, and intentional. his mouth works over yours like he's been waiting for this, which he has. yet he takes his time like he's savoring the way you taste.

one of his hands cradles the back of your neck, holding you as if you might pull away. your hands play with the hem of his shirt, and he grins against your lips.

"slow down, baby. i'm not going anywhere." he smirks.

"you've been begging for this. now you have it." you say, neediness evident in your voice.

he walks you backwards until you fall back onto his bed, hovering over you as he kneels between your legs, spreading them gently with both hands.

"i don't wanna just fuck you. i wanna ruin every memory you've ever had of anyone else touching you."

he leans in, pressing open-mouthed kisses down your neck, leaving trails of heat on your skin, goosebumps appearing on your skin as his teeth graze your collarbone.

his hands are at the end of your dress, lifting it with a soft, questioning look, before you give him permission to continue.

clothes come off piece by piece, as if you were unwrapping each other. he takes his time undressing you, not wanting to ruin this moment by rushing.

once you're bare beneath him, he looks at you. the kind of stare that makes you feel even more vulnerable than you already are. the kind that makes you want to close your legs and cover your chest.

"fuck ... you're perfect."

he kisses his way down your stomach, hands caressing your thighs as he holds them open.

his eyes lock on what he's been craving the most, glistening and waiting for him.

"didn't know a girl I've been getting rejected by for months could get this wet for me." he says chuckling.

you roll your eyes, ready to spew out a comeback. until his thumb finds your clit.

your back immediately arches off the bed, a soft gasp leaving your lips.

heeseung watches you in awe, as he rubs tight circles on your clit. his mouth waters at the sight, desperately wanting to taste you.

his body leans down, face right in front your clit. you can feel his breath fanning against you, before his tongue licks a stripe up your cunt.

heeseung devours you like a starved man, deprived of heaven's water. his tongue is slow and patient at times and rushed and hungry in the next. his lips wrap around your clit, sucking on it, before letting it go with a wet pop.

his fingers find their way inside you, one, then two, as he works you toward an orgasm. his long thick fingers find your spot immediately, as if he already knew your body.

you moan sharply, hand reaching for his arm, as your hips meet his movements.

his lips make their way back to your clit, sucking on it like it was his only source of hydration, his fingers never halting as he brings you closer.

you moan, feeling too good.

"you close, baby?" he says, looking up at you while his tongue still works on your body.

you can barely respond, grabbing his hair and grinding right against his lips. your release comes soon after, juices soaking the bottom half of his face.

he works you through your orgasm before slowly pulling his fingers out and bringing them towards his mouth.

"god, how did i go so long without tasting you?" he says, wiping his lips with the back of his hands.

you stare at him, breathless, body still flinching from the aftermath of your orgasm.

"you good? i didn't tear you up that quick did i?" he says smirking.

"how can you be such a douche even after i gave you pussy?" you say rolling your eyes, head flopping back onto the pillow.

he laughs, sliding a condom onto himself.

" wait ... you don't want me to...?" you prop yourself up on your elbows.

"what?" he says, eyebrows furrowing as he pushes you back down.

"you know ... suck your ..." you say, trailing off at the end of sentence.

"considering it's about to be inside you, i think it's okay to say dick, baby." he teases, making you huff.

"but no. you're the prize here. and i wanna earn you." he says, gathering your essence as lube, his head catching your entrance along the way.

"this isn't just sex to me. i want to be the only person who has you this way." his tip, is pressed against you, leaking and ready.

"you still sure about this?" he asks one last time.

you can barely nod before he slides inside of you. your hands fly to his biceps, as he stills. when you look up at him, he looks absolutely wrecked.

mouth open, breathing staggered, sweat dripping down his chest.

after a few moments, he pulls back, almost out, and slams back in, knocking the wind right out of you.

"fuck, heeseung." you moan, back arching as he works inside of you.

he lets out grunts, and groans here and there, but his pace is purposeful, focusing on making you feel good.

"god, y/n you feel like heaven." he says, grabbing your legs, and pressing them against you, new position causing him to hit deeper inside of you.

his name falls off your lips like a prayer, as he continues to fuck into you.

as he feels you tighten up, he pulls out, earning a whine from you.

"sorry baby, but i need you on top of me."

he sits against his headboard, waiting for you. you hover over his lap before taking him in one go, making him throw his head back.

you immediately set a fast pace, alternating between bouncing and grinding against him.

heeseung sounds absolutely pathetic under you, his eyes locked on where you two connect. so he's louder in this position. noted.

his hungry mouth finds its way towards your right nipple, fingers pinching the left.

you let out the sluttiest moan, feeling your orgasm approaching quickly.

his other hand, wanders down to your clit, rubbing fast, sloppy circles against it.

he feels you start to tighten around him, breath hitching and legs shaking against his.

he meets your hips from the bottom, thrusts turning deeper and more deliberate. "i feel it, you're right there, huh?"

"let go for me, yeah? don't hold back."

you moan, clenching tightly around him as your body arches and he groans against your neck.

"there you go, y/n .... that's it baby. you look so pretty cumming around me.." he moans, pressing a kiss on the corner of your mouth. his thrusts don't stop, despite your legs giving out, as he fucks you into overstimulation.

you're left a wet, whimpering mess, while he chases his release, stilling deep inside you as he releases into the condom.

he slowly pulls out of you, laying you down carefully on the bed, as he flops beside you, chest still rising and falling.

"you okay?" his whispers, his voice slightly hoarse. "wasn't too much?"

you shake your head, still catching your breath. he looks at you for some moments, having everything he's ever wanted, a mess in his bed right now.

"don't overthink it." he speaks into the silence, already knowing where your mind is going. "you let me see all of you tonight. i'm not going anywhere."

"if i didn't, would you have left?"

"no." he doesn't even let a beat pass. "i'd still want you. still think about you. still be trying to get under your skin in the worst way." he says, letting out a breathy laugh.

"i truly want you y/n. so let me stay this time. really stay."

a/n: uhhhhhhh yeah

tagz. @nithxhoon (wouldn't let me tag u)

[yllwjktscult]

New found feelings -Lottie Matthews x reader (pt 2)

!!disclaimer- english is NOT my native language so there for sure will be grammar mistakes!!

an anon asked for a part two and who am i to deny, hope you will enjoy it🫶🏻

in short: lottie and you have sex for the first after dating for months (also your first time ever) and it swirls new emotions you didnt thought you had (you little freak)

!! part one in here !!

WC: 2,7K (👀)

TW: smut☝🏻😭 you bitches are SO horny goddamn it.. but so valid. ANYWAY its lowkey cute ig (just typical me shit sns i write sweet one shots things☝🏻🥹) also, its SUCH a shit, im not good at writing smuts, but i love a good challenge but still, god damnit.. but if i keep staring at it in my notes, i woulndt post it at all, because i start to overthinking it and starts to change/rewrite it to a point it makes no sense after that so enjoy cuz even tho i said im posting it on friday, im posting it randomly with 'ah fuck it' mindset or i woulndt at all, girl bye-

oh and btw, this is probably my last smut for a while, so hihihi 🫶🏻🥹

well anyway, enjoy🫶🏻

╚══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══╝

Who would have thought that couple months ago your stupid mouth that was faster than your brain and a hickey would lead you into a relationship with Lottie. Yes you heard that right. With Lottie fucking Matthews. Your close friend, who you are happily dating for months now.

How did that happened? you have no fucking idea.

Actually its a bullshit, you know damn well and each time it makes your stomach do flips.

It happened few weeks after the hickey. Lottie was joking (she wasnt) she would show you how right kissing feels like, and your curious and confused ass wanted to know. You agreed because, HELL you were confused about your feeling for her at that time.

After Lottie kissed you, she admitted she liked you, well shit scratch that. She literally said she was in love with you. And you were happy to hear that. However you did tell her you are confused about your feelings at the moment and she was sweet and understandable about it. Couple weeks after that and more kissing practice, you realised you are in love with her too and thats how you ended dating eachtoher. Your friends (yellowjackets) were about to throw a party because it took you way too fucking long to a point they made bets when you two will start dating.

It was a sweet relationship and you wanted to cry each time you realised you are dating someone so sweet as Lottie. She wanted to hold hand all the time, was so kind and gentle with you, saying it will be in your own pace and had eyes only for you. Like you literally could see her giving you heart eyes it made you want to cry, noone looked at you with so much love as she did. It was almost as if puppy was looking at you with adoration and pure love. Literally a Lottie. She was the kindness soul and you couldnt be more happier that your first relationship was with someone as her. Yes, you did kissed a guy or two before at some party (you were little drunk and wanted to know what the hype is about) but you werent in a relationship yet. You wanted to, you were a hopeless romantic after all, but noone sparked that fire inside you that screamed 'they are worth to give them my all' well.. that was until Lottie, you wanted to give her everything. Like literally, you were so in love with her it physically hurted you.

However, you were still scared shittless. Scared you will fuck this up somehow, scared she will find someone else, someone better who isnt a ball of anxiety and needs time. You were so in love with her you were scared you will lose her over wrongly holding her hand (unknown to you, it was one of the many things why Lottie fell in love with you, in her eyes, you were so cute to her no matter what, it was your charm, how shy you acted with her since you started dating)

╚══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══╝

You felt Lottie rest on top of you completely as she deepened the kiss, her tongue licking your bottom lip, lowkey begging for you to open your mouth and you did.

Did you moan? well yes.. yes you did. Did she smirk at that reaction? fuck yes she did. And she loved it.

The kiss got heated after a while, you both breathing heavily, you both making sounds of enjoyment and the sound of kissing hitting your ears made you want to moan again with how good its making you feel in your whole body but mainly in your lower abdomen.

You were so lost into the kiss you didnt notice Lottie sneaking her hand under your shirt on your stomach, until the tips of her fingers peaked inside the waistband of your pants.

That woke you up and you grabbed her hand and stopped the kissing.

"W-what are you doing?" you stuttered it out, cheek flushed and looking deep into her eyes.

Lottie with her own reddish cheeks got embarrassed that she got too lost into the kiss she smiled shyly as she looked at you.

"S-sorry, i got carried away" she mumbles shyly and leaned down and kisses you again. But you are certarly not into is as you were before, your brain is stuck in the moments few seconds ago. You are conflicted. You want her to, but at the same time, you are scared shitless. What if you do something wrong during it? or what if you are horrible at it and she will break up with you?

"Stop it, you are overthinking again" Lottie mumbles against your lips.

"Did you really wanted to..?" you asked shyly and unsurely. You wanted to, like really really wanted to but at the same time you were scared. Terrified even.

Lottie goes quiet for a bit, her cheeks still flushed and bites her lip before she nods "But we dont have to okay?" she kissed your cheek after she smiled at you sweetly and started cuddling you instead.

You wont lie, you were glad, because you felt like your heart will burst out of your chest at the time.

╚══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══╝

For the next few days your brain was stuck in the moment, yes, exactly, the moment when Lotties fingers were peaking into your pants. Its was like a loop, and hell, the more days passed, the more you craved it.

So, thats whats happening now, you coulndnt take it anymore and when you got to Lotties house again and changed into her hoodie (she might once said you looked cute in her clothes and fuck it you loved wearing her clothes if we are being honest in here, they are so comfy, smells like her and they are warm and they are hers) you went to her and asked if she still wants you like that (actually you were way too straight forward, you literally asked her "Do you still want to have sex with me" and Lottie almost choked on her soda can when you said that, looking at you like a deer in headlights with her mouth hang open and cheeks flushed)

╚══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══╝

How it happened you dont know, but currently, you are once again in the same position you were days ago, you laying on your back in her bed and Lottie is on top of you with her knee in between your bare legs pressed flushed against you.

She kisses you more desperately than before, almost roughly yet still gentle, parting your lips immediately due to you opening your mouth in shock.

One of her hands that wasnt holding her weight above you went behind your neck, her fingers tangling in your hair and tugging gently to deepen the kiss even more. Lottie moans into your mouth as she bite your lip when she moves her hips against you. You could feel your heart speeding at that, like every single time Lottie makes a sound like this.

She kisses you like shes a starving woman in the dessert, her body flush against you, her fingers gripping your hair tightly yet still very gentle. Because thats Lottie, always gentle with you.

Lottie started to rock her hips against your thigh more now, in slow steady motion.

You couldnt help yourself and let a desperate moan out of your mouth at that. The feeling in your stomach grew warmer and you could feel yourself get wetter each grind and moan she made. You were certain Lottie could feel it on her knee thats between your legs, which made you whine even more at that thought in embarrassment.

Lotties hand, that was in your hair, started wandering lower, down to your chest, to your stomach right above the waistband of your underwear, exactly where you needed her the most.

"Are you sure?" Lottie asked, she wanted you to be sure you are ready for this, after all, its a big step for you and even tho she wont admit it, shes very nervous about it too. She loved you too much and would feel really bad if she felt like you are doing it only because she wanted to or because its expected from you.

"Y-yeah, im sure" You smiled at her and grabbed her hand that was resting above your hipbone and pushed it down your underwear, knowing that she would ask you few more times if you didnt do that.

When her fingers touched you, you moaned a little 'fuck' under your breath and closed your eyes. What you didnt see was how Lottie widened her eyes over how wet you actually were and how it turned into a slight smile right after that, because yeah, shes the reason you are so worked up and it stroke her ego a little bit, knowing your body reacts to her like that. It did made her feel warm and fuzzy inside. Beacuse clearly your body wants her as much as your soul does.

Her touch is both confident and teasing, her movements both gentle and demanding. She takes her time, savoring the way your body responds to her, the way your breathing hitches and your hips arch involuntarily at her touch.

You shivered and you have no idea what came over you but you just straight up told Lottie to take off your underwear, and with a soft chuckle she did it. She repositioned herself back to her previous position, which was straddling one of your thighs as she went back to kiss you as her hand went back in between your legs.

You feel her slender finger gently push into your entrance after a few seconds teasing your clit (AN-i HATE that word lord help me, but a bundle of joy would fry me up if i was a reader, ANYWAY back to the story-), slowly and gently. Making you close your eyes and leave an involuntary moan as you break the kiss and tittle your head backwards against the pillow whimpering a little fuck under your breath.. shit, is this how sex feels? no wonder people like it so much, it feels so fucking good. Lottie feels so fucking good in you.

Lotties breathing against your ear quicker, clearly affected by this as well. Lottie lets out a soft moan just from the feeling of you clenching around her finger when she slipped it in. She went to your neck and continues pressing kisses to your neck, her skin buzzing with excitement that shes finally able to show you with nothing but pure love how much she loves you.

“You feel so good..” she mumbles against your throat, taking her sweet time as she pushes her finger in as deep as she can go. Lottie begins slowly pumping her finger in and out, wanting to give you the best possible experience for your first time. Even tho, she has no idea if shes doing it right. After all, you might or might not be her first girlfriend and in intimacy with a girl as well. She moves herself against your tight from time to time.

“I love you..” she mumbles against your neck, still leaving kisses there and there. Her touch is soft and loving, her body weight keeping you in place beneath her.

Shes watching your face carefully, studying your every expression to make sure that this is all okay.

“Are you okay, baby?” she mumbles against your cheek, pressing a sweet kiss here gently. “No pain or anything?”

You couldnt form words with how flustered mess you were so all you could do was nod at the firts question and shake your head with a no when she asked the second question. You didnt trust your voice at all.

She smiles at you softly, giving you a reassuring look even tho you couldnt see it due to having your eyes closed and letting the feeling Lottie is making you feel completely consume you. Carefully, she pushes another finger in, starting to slowly move them back and forth as her palm rubs against your clit. Making a delicious friction that makes your eyes roll back, but thankfully you have your eyes closed, but shit, it feels way too fucking good. All your worries leaving your brain completely and you are just consumed by the feeling of Lottie. Your girlfriend. Your sweet, caring, lovely girlfriend who loves you so damn much and you can tell based how gentle shes being with you right now.

You made a very very loud moan of her name when a second finger enters you, your body arching as your hand grabs a fistful of her hair at the back of her head pulling her face into your neck. She made a light moan at that.

“I got you..” she whispers softly against your ear, her words coming out somewhat ragged and breathless.

You just nodded again, shifting your hips a little and spreading your legs more apart, so Lottie has a better access to that amazing feeling shes slowly making you feel. As you did that, your tight that Lottie was straddling made a friction against her. Making her moan slightly at the feeling.

Lottie took that as a good sigh and increased in speed, Lotties fingers move in and out of you, still making sure she’s being gentle and not too rough.

You were a moaning and whining mess, shit NOW you fully understand why people have sex, like hello? it feels amazing, especially if you do it with the person you are so deeply in love like you are with Lottie.

Lottie smiles at the way you moan, loving that she caused those reactions. Shes looking at your face that has closed eyes and face screwed in pleasure lovingly, her expression is nothing but pure affection and love. Her heart swells at the sigh of you “I love you..” she breathes out with a whisper as she leans down and kisses you lovingly, her fingers moving with the same rhythm now.

You mumble a shaky 'i love you too' against her lips as your brain gets little too fuzzy over this whole experience. You could feel yourself getting closer. Like really fucking closer.

And Lottie could sense that based on your ragged short breath and the way you clench around her fingers more often now, so her fingers start moving even faster and slightly making her palm press against you more, still not too hard or rough. She keeps murmuring sweet nothings against your neck such as telling you that you are so beautiful, that you are perfect and how much she loves you.

She even added a little praise here and there, like

“You are so good” she basically purrs against your ear or “You are so good for me, baby”

And that was it. That send you over the edge couple second after that, Lotties soft deep voice praising you. You felt your body stiffen, your brain going completely blank, your back arching and your breath hitching in your throat as you make a shaky moan of Lotties name leaving your lips until your body goes limp. The orgasm hitting your body like a wave, the most amazing feeling you have experienced. You might shredded a tear or two due to how emotional you were, but just maybe..

She moves her head slightly, kissing your temple as she keeps her fingers moving steadily in and out, letting you ride your orgasm out. Lottie loves being gentle with you, taking it slow and making sure that you are getting exactly what you want.

After couple seconds later she pulls her fingers from you and pepper your face with kisses telling you how much she loves you and how good you were and how you did so well for her.

Oh and dont worry, Lottie had her turn too that night.

You copied exactly what Lottie did to you and it was filled with giggles and pure love as you did it the second time that night. It was perfect you could say. It wasnt serious as people tend to make it, it was carefree, filled with nothing but love and security.

If anything, you both fell more in love with eachother that night.

╚══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══╝

Well.. lets just say that night you discovered your inner freak in you. Did you find out you have a praise kink? yes, yes you did.

Maybe later you discovered you like being choked too (👀) but one thing for sure, you were so madly in love with Lottie it was absolutely gross, you were like a lost puppy and Lottie wasnt any different, she was even worse to be honest.

All of the yellowjackets were so sick of you two (they werent, they were happy for you both, and probably jealous of your relationship because it was so fucking cute it was nauseous) they kinda clocked your shits couple days later, because you both were way too clingy and touchy with eachother more than usual, it was either Van or Nat who clocked it with 'You two had sex" it wasnt even a question but a statement and meant it as a joke and you gave it away when blushed and Lottie bit her lip. The locker room erupted in "ohhhh" and "NO FUCKING WAY!".

╚══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══╝

well... i might come later to edit it, but now, imma leave it because my overthinking ass would change it and for fucks sake it would NOT end up well✋🏻😭 so, jn case there are mistakes, just ignore them, i will come back in a while and edit it. But i hope it WASNT that bad hihi🤞🏻

also @t-wylia i didnt forgot about you!

[xoxo-sarah]

Can I make a request with Stevie. But basically she has extreme trust issues, but is good at hiding it or making jokes about it. But basically they are friends and when they make plans something comes up and he can’t make it, but she over thinks it and just assumes he doesn’t want to hang out with her so she tells him, “its okay if you don’t want to hang out I get it” or she always get surprised when he actually comes over even tho he said he was going to and stuff like that. Just constantly not believing anything he says and it’s nothing about him more about her trying to protect her self from getting hurt.because when you expect nothing you don’t get as disappointed. Anyways it ends happy maybe he gets frustrated with her and boom frustrated love confession (as you can see I love those)

Expect Nothing & Never Get Hurt

↝a/n: this might be a little short and rushed, but I wanted to get something out before I become too swamped with exams and such. I hope you enjoy, and thank you for requesting! I love your requests. 🩷🩷🩷

↝pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!reader

↝warning: trust issues, not proofread

|| Disclaimer: I do not own Steve Harrington, or any character from Stranger Things. I only own y/n and any characters I create with my own brain. ||

↝⎙ 12.7.24

Steve had always been a good friend to you, but you couldn't help the nagging feeling that he would eventually let you down. It only became worse when he asked you out. It ate at you. It wasn't his fault; it was just how you were wired. You had learned to mask your trust issues with humor, making jokes about your skepticism, but deep down, it was always there. Steve saw it.

"Hey, Steve, we still on for tonight?" You asked, trying to sound casual in the phone. You twirled the cord between your fingers, waiting for an answer.

"Of course. I'll pick you up at eight," he replied, you could hear his charming smile in his voice. It made a smile come to your own face. "See you later, gorgeous."

Eight o'clock came, and Steve was nowhere to be found, you felt the familiar sting of disappointment.

You tried to shake it off, telling yourself that something important must have come up. Before your thoughts could wonder even more, the house phone rang. You quickly made your way to it, your heart sinking. "Hey," Steve's said on the other end. You could hear the guilt in his voice.

Steve trailed off, seemingly getting distracted with whatever was on the other side of the phone. He brought the phone back to his ear, eyes still trained on the group of kids in Family Video, who had came in right before close, with the amount of energy Steve could only wish to have at his age.

"Sorry, something came up. Can we reschedule?"

"It's okay if you don't want to hang out. I get it," you replied after a moment of silence. Silence wasn't the best for a wondering mind. But you tried to sound nonchalant.

Steve was quick to respond, "No, it's not like that. I really want to hang out. Just had something unexpected." He glanced up, watching Robin scold the group of kids for knocking over a pile of movie tapes. The kids thought the whole thing was funny. It wasn't, not really. Steve and Robin only wanted to close up and go home. They had the next day off. Robin planned on sleeping the whole day and Steve planned on spending his free time with you. But the night couldn't end fast enough. The plans Steve had originally had would fall through with how late it was getting.

You sighed, mind racing with doubts. You cleared your throat, shoulders sagging, "Yeah, no. I get it. I'll see you...later, I guess. Bye."

Steve didn't have the time to respond before you hang up. He put the phone down, grumbling as he walked over to the group of hooligans. Robin threw her hands up, giving up with dealing with the kids that had parents that obviously did not discipline their children.

The next day rolled around and you were surprised when you opened the door to find Steve had been the one to wake you up by knocking. He held a bouquet of flowers, a shy smile on his face.

"You actually came," you blurted out before you could stop yourself.

He glanced between the flowers and you, feeling shame for having to cancel, "I feel bad for last night. I know these won't erase last night, but I just thought it could be the start of fixing it. I really wanted to go on that date."

Before you could fix your face, an expression of disbelief flashed across it. Steve caught it. He always did. Every time he would say something sweet or compliment you, you always pulled that face. You never believed him. He wanted you to.

Steve frowned, clearly frustrated. "Why do you always do that? Why do you always assume I don't mean what I say? If I didn't, I wouldn't say it."

You looked down, feeling exposed. "It's not about you. It's just... easier to expect nothing. That way, I don't get disappointed."

Steve took a deep breath, his frustration evident. You had told him about all of the time before, about why you don't trust easily. "I get that you've been hurt before, but I'm not going anywhere. I care about you, and it hurts me that you don't believe that."

You looked up at him, lips slightly quivering with emotion, "I'm sorry, Steve. It's just hard for me to trust."

He stepped closer, his expression softening. "I know, but I need you to trust me. I need you to believe that I want to be here with you."

You nod, feeling a weight lift off your shoulders. "Okay, I'll try."

Steve smiled, pulling you into a hug. "That's all I ask."

It would take some time, but Steve was willing to wait for as long as you would need.

•2021-2024 by xoxo-sarah on Tumblr•

•My work is not to be translated, copied, modified, and/or reposted on any other site without my permission. [I don't give permission!]

[creativewritersposts]

fucked up - Nico Hischier

summary; Nico Hischier x reader.

The honest opinion from a person you really like can hurt the most. But what if Nico regrets it?

warning(s); bad language, angst, argument, fluff, maybe grammar errors

author's note; based on a true story. I'm sorry for not posting "happy-clappy fluff imagines" like usually (promise they'll come back soon). I can't write just pure fluff when I'm crying a river.

--------------------------------------------------------------

It's the third day in a row that Nico doesn't want to talk with you. You can't explain why, but your stomach feeling tells you, something is not okay. You tried to distract yourself with work, work and more work. But when you step in your apartment, you're mentally break down. Your overthinking says hello. You grab your phone, trying to call him, just his mailbox.

"What did I do wrong", you mumble to yourself, biting on your lip. It's rainy outside, like how you feel. You're starring at other people out of the window, until your phone vibrates. "hello?", you start the conversation without looking on the screen, who it is. "it's Nico, are you at home?", his voice sounds deep and kinda annoyed, "yes", you smile, happy to hear he's alive. "Ok bye", he hangs up without a second. You stress yourself to cook a nice dinner in an hour until the door bell rings. "hi baby!", you want to wrap your arms around his neck, but he pushes you politely away, "we need to talk, something is bothering me", his brown eyes let you feel confused, he never been so serious. You nod and let him walk in your kitchen. "I cooked dinner for us two", you smile to blow the negative vibes away. "Do you think dinner will change the fact you act exaggerate?!", his tall body turns around because he stands before you. "huh?", you're even more confused. "We're not together and you stress me out", he tolerates no argument whilst speaking. Honestly you're not able to argue. It's like a punch in your face. "what did I do?", you feel so small. Even when he told you this in a respectful way. "you stress me out. You want to text non-stop and you're not my girlfriend, not yet. After last night with five text messages I'm thinking if it's a good idea to ask you for that", Nico grabs your shaky hands,"it's not like I'm not interested anymore", he kisses your forehead. You're just able to nod and accept the fact. What he needs and wants.

"Thank you for telling me this", your fake smile shows sadness. Nico doesn't want to hurt you on purpose. "I'll pack in the pesto for you", with blurry eyes you do that, giving him the lunch box. Nico just stays calm, taking it and when you close the door behind you, he thinks of hoping you understood what he meant.

The next days your chest feels heavy, texting no message, you don't call him, you let him his freedom. You know Nico lost the finals of the world championship, he looked so disappointed and usually you would at least send him something lovely, but your brain tells you; you were clingy. You're the problem. You're a bad Person for bothering someone. You don't enjoy being a clingy girl.

In the middle of night your phone vibrates again, like ten times until you groan, you're not in the shape to talk happy phone calls. "hey, are you ok?", his voice sounds occupied. "Sure", you reply. "You didn't text me once. I'm worried. We lost", he let you know the news. Of course you're not saying that you watched his game. Like he gave you a clear message. You would be clingy you're not his girlfriend and he owes you nothing.

"I'm sorry to hear that", your hands shake again. You don't feel comfortable anymore, more like you have to hide your personality to be not the problem anymore. "I didn't mean that I don't like to talk with you", he coughs. "I really like you anyway as a person who you are", he talks more. "I'm tired, good night", hanging up until he can hear how much you're hurt. Just thoughts hunting you in your head;

what are you doing now?

What is the right way to deal with this?

[chaniyahs]

Human

Bucky Barnes x undercover!reader

w.c: ~3.5k

summary: Stalking your best friend is sort of driving a wrench in your super secret mission. Who would have thought.

tags & warnings: (in no particular order) suggestive content. adult themes. making out. fem presenting reader (heels, stockings). race neutral reader! Reader is a little creepy in the beginning ngl. implied self-slut shaming. self-harm in the form of sex that doesn't happen. hurt/comfort. reader is kind of a drama queen. so is Bucky. no use of y/n. not proofread.

a.n: Hi, nice to meet you. This is just a little something while I work on something longer. Thank you for reading! Means so much. Can't promise I'm a steady writer, as I'm a freak college student with a job and many time-consuming hobbies. But I hope I can drop by sometimes and provide something for others to enjoy, or at least share my favorite pieces. The formatting of this post will probably change as I figure out what I want it to look like. Didn't think that far ahead. Okay, thank you bye ha.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁🫧⋆｡˚

IT'S BEEN SIX MONTHS since Bucky Barnes has last seen you, and roughly three days since you’ve last seen him.

The first time was coincidental. You were in the backseat of a tinted black SUV. Stocking-clad legs had crossed one over the other, the airborne heel dangled haphazardly off your foot, though it was nothing if not intentional. The way the man sat across from you dug his gaze into your flesh almost made it burn with revulsion, but it was one of many testaments to your intentions. You could tell he propped up his left hand on purpose, an awkward position to flash his tacky, yet no doubt expensive, watch in your face to impress you. Your intention. Even the enthusiastic turn of his laptop towards you as he recklessly explained the backgrounds and products of his weapon suppliers; just as you intended.

You'd stored away many of the names in your head. Having a good memory was an important part of your training. The rest of it, though, began to coalesce into background noise. This one had a way of going off on tangents in some way that highlighted his wealth. He wasn't the target by any sense of the word, just a dirty stepping stone, a meager means to an arms-dealer end, and so you were less diligent than you probably should have been. Not that he cared -- you're sure he doesn't think you have much of a brain to listen too long anyway, so you didn't bother to.

Amid your boredom, you'd tilted your head to lean against your hand, elbow digging into the side of the car. Catching a glimpse of the outside world behind him was bittersweet. Your nights were now spent pretending to be interested in one of many forgettable corrupt rich men in the world instead of out there doing anything else. You watched longingly as the people sped by: a group of girls chasing each other and giggling in sparkly skirts, an arguing couple trying to be inconspicuous, a dog half-leading and half-dragging a skinny man along, a new father pushing his baby's stroller as far away from the road as the sidewalk would allow, a leather-gloved hand running through familiar brown locks to drive them away from a familiar stubbled face-

You sat up suddenly. The airborne heel slipped back snug onto your foot as it stabbed into the ground, breath slowing to what felt like a complete halt; heart seized in its beating with a well-known comfort that lied just outside the van. Your eyes followed him as the car raced by, head turning to see him disappear out the back window. Time stops just for you two when you swear he locks eyes with you, but you realize it's probably disbelief at the speed the driver is going on such a crowded street, as this car is far past the legal amount of window tint to be able to see in to. Just as it started, the moment is gone, and he's disappeared into the downtown bustle.

The man you're with doesn't even notice anything changed.

That was roughly a month ago, and it's become something of a problem ever since.

You were meant to be deep undercover, four months of lying and flirting and manipulating undercover. Despite this, in between emotionally draining performances, you'd sneak out to linger around spots you knew he frequented. One of your favorites was the bakery some blocks away from the compound, where he'd sit at the table next to the window and play with the chair that used to be where you sat. Like you were still there, rambling about how unfair the daily New York Times Connection answers were. The only thing new was that he'd swipe any crumbs into a leftover napkin when he got up to leave. That was what you did. Then he'd let his eyes linger on the cold, empty chair and leave, and a couple of minutes later, you'd go in and occupy the same table. On your side.

Weeks of seeing Bucky left you more disheveled than when you began. What started as a one-time thing to get out of your system became a necessity, engrained into your routine and the highlight of your monotonous days. You'd even started to get as reckless as you dared to, wandering closer and closer until this Wednesday when his nose twitched from the familiar scent of you, and you had to duck behind a corner to avoid his searching. You can't help but realize how absolutely out of your mind this op has made you. Pretty much stalking your closest friend. How much lower could you get. Yet you don't stop. Part of you wants him to catch you just once, and so that Friday, you're in his room in the compound while he's out with Sam and Steve, just like he was the first night you saw him.

It hasn't changed much at all. It was still uncannily clean, barely signs that it's lived in if not for the couple of framed pictures on the bedside table. One is of Bucky, Sam, and Steve. Another is of a white cat, one you recognize from a nearby shelter that you, Bucky, and Sam had been to a couple of times. He might have finally got her in your absence, the snowy baby that had captured his heart with her insistence on wrapping herself around his metal arm. Cute. The third, a group picture of everybody in the compound. Towards the front left sat you and Bucky, side by side, your bright smile next to his more straight yet amused expression. Instead of sitting up by the wall, this one laid face up, closer to his pillow. You decide to spare yourself and not think too much into that.

You're about to leave, but something from his bathroom beckons you. Tired fingers drag along his wall as you enter, feeling in the dark for the light switch. When the room finally erupts with light, your gaze is dragged towards the only difference in the room; a folded picture tucked into the mirror's frame, and when you pluck it out to inspect it, its the picture Natasha had taken of you two in some corner of the Quinjet, leaned up against each other. You remembered that day.

Multiple dead-end HYDRA bases had left everyone depleted and disappointed. It had taken Bucky aback when you searched him out and sunk to the floor next to him, filling the quiet he'd found for himself with nothing but your soft breath. At some point, your head lulled to the side, and he began to suggest you go to your sleeping quarters if you're tired, but he can feel your breath deepen, and your weight depend completely on his shoulder, and he can't bring himself to say anything. He would not be able to sleep, certainly not as easily as you had, but in your calming presence he could relax, if momentarily. He could even, remarkably, close his eyes without seeing the bloodstains of his past, and so he did. He listened to the light footsteps that approached without surging up in defense of a perceived attack, though he still opened his eyes again to see Natasha grinning with her phone out, shaking her head.

"Clint owes me $10 now."

There's a small ripped piece of what you assume to be printing paper inside the fold as well, with words written in Nat's handwriting. A date. The exact date you were supposed to be finished with your op, to uphold the timeline of taking down the arms dealer. You knew Nat had a way of knowing things that she should not have; it was her livelihood, but you could only dream of why she'd share it with Bucky. Her teasing of the friendship between you two? If so, certainly spurred on by Tony or Yelena or Sam. Or -- surely not -- had he asked?

A vibration from your phone breaks you out of your thoughts, and glancing at the lock screen, you realize you've spent much longer reminiscing than expected. Like you were never there, you disappeared out the window you came from.

The next week progresses the same. You become somebody else entirely, loosing all parts of yourself, until those fleeting chances at normalcy tempt you again. Eve's apple, your newfound Achilles heel. And when the next Friday rolls around, your heart beats wildly against the confines of your ribcage, itching to claw it open and escape while you climb up towards his window once more. When you finally haul yourself in, you're sure your heart has succeeded at tearing your chest open and abandoning the bloody remains to drop to the floor because you're staring at stormy blue, furrowed eyes instead of an empty room.

The only thing you can manage to do after what feels like an eternity of eye contact is to turn back towards the window. You hear a huff and the scuffle of him standing from the chair he was sitting on, dragged across the room to face the window.

"Don't." His gruff voice calls out, and you almost feel a sense of pleading behind it, but there's not nearly enough emotion to diagnose that.

Your hands grow clammy, and you're suddenly aware of everything: the wind rushing past your face from the night breeze, the way your black jacket hugs you too tightly now, the speeding of your breath, but still you turn back to him in anticipation.

For another eternity, he stares at you, taking in your entire form and then tugging his eye line back up to yours, until finally, finally, he sits again and speaks.

"What are you doing here?" The words are cold and distant and rip the moisture from your mouth. Any response you could have had dies in your throat. You break eye contact with him and lower yourself to sit on the ground in front of the window. After a minute of silence, his voice rings out again, forcing your gaze up with another, louder, "What are you doing here?"

"I don't know," You finally shake your head, throat already burning with shame and eyes threatening to spill over with guilt, "I miss you. I miss us."

Bucky's eyes soften momentarily, but he looks away, and now you're wondering if you imagined it. He tries not to let you see how that word affected him: "us."

"You could ruin your entire mission." He practically mutters it, yet it's the loudest thing you've heard in months. He's completely right. You've dedicated many of your personal resources to making sure your escapades stay secret, but what if you weren't careful enough?

"I could."

"And for what?"

"You." The word tumbles out before you can catch it, and his eyes meet yours again. He purses his lips and rolls them out again, sliding his metal hand through his hair like the night you first saw him.

"Me?" He repeats it under his breath again, more to himself than you. Before you can respond, he pipes up again. "How long?"

You shake your head this time, "I was only in here once. Last week."

Another beat of silence, then, as if reading your mind, he answers your question, "You were wearing the scent you always wear. I know it," a pause, "and you left the bathroom light on."

That makes you wince. Reckless. Stupid. Kind of deserved. Then again, that was what you wanted, right? To get caught? The longer you writhe under his unwavering stare, the more you think it’s absolutely not what you wanted. He doesn't even let you hang your head in humiliation for long.

"You've been around other times too?" He poses it as a question, but it's more a confirmation that he wasn't going crazy that day he smelled you. You know he doesn't need your answer, and instead, you try to answer his question of why again.

"I don't think I can do this without you."

"That's bullshit." He scoffs, leaning down to rest his elbows on his knees while his hands hang between his legs. "You've done it a million times before."

The bluntness of his words make a playground of your already bloodied heart. "I have."

He doesn't respond to this one, only leans back in the chair once more, and you know all this movement comes from a place of frustration. You don't let him keep hammering you with questions before you speak again.

"I know who I am now, Bucky," you trail off as a blur of unoriginal recent months curse your brain, "I did. With you. I don't out there."

He quirks an eyebrow up slightly, allowing quiet room for you to gather yourself and continue.

"I am a really hot assistant."

He grunts in sarcastic agreement, but keeps his composure. As he does. Still staring. Still silence.

"It doesn't matter if it's the government or Fury or the millionth rich asshole, Buck. I am a piece of meat-"

To this, he sits up straight and furrows his eyebrows again, rushing to correct you. He doesn't bother to govern his tone this time. "No, you're good at your job. You're luring the arms dealer out. You're going to save hundreds of thousands of people-"

"Bait is still just meat, no?" You're looking down now, in your head, barely registering when Bucky sinks out of his chair and towards you. The call of your name goes completely over your head; the second call goes in one ear and out the other, until finally, on the third exasperated call of your name, he uses his finger to softly guide your head back towards him. At last, recognition seizes your face as you realize he's saying your name, and the expression makes him painfully aware that you didn't even respond to your own name;

you'd nearly forgotten your own name.

The toll of the mission that you'd been holding back for months suddenly breaks free, surging through you like hurricane flood waters, bubbling up and filling your eyes once more. Bucky only allows for one sniffle before he pushes you by the back of your head into his chest, legs caging around you, shielding you from the world with broad, hunched shoulders and wrapped arms. Just like this, he allows you to let out all your sorrows into his fitted black shirt while he holds you, staring out into the night.

When you've finally gotten past the fit of tears, you push gently on his chest. He gets the hint and releases his hold on you, hands floating away from the back of your head and to either side of your face. He can barely stand to see you so broken like this, but holds your reddened gaze intently, waiting for you to feel comfortable enough to break the quiet, and you do.

"I didn't.. feel like that often. Before you. Human."

He uses a thumb to swipe away a stray tear.

Your expression hardens in determination, and you grasp his wrists with your hands. "I need you to make me feel human again, Jamie."

Jamie.

You've only called him that once before, bringing him down from a rough mental snap that threatened to regress him back into the winter soldier. He sucks in a breath and uses his flesh hand to massage your temple gently. He watches intently as you lean into the action. "You need me?" He's back to muttering.

"I need you, Jamie."

Softly, as if scared to spook a wild deer, he brings your face into his, lips ghosting over yours. He only looks up momentarily to search for any indecision in your eyes, and when he finds nothing but pure need, he guides his mouth to yours.

At first, he's feigning innocence, pressing slow and sweet into you. His flesh thumb draws taut circles in your cheek, metal hand skimming the side of your face and curling itself around the back of your neck. Testing the waters. Then your lips part to moan softly into him; he swallows it, and suddenly, the water is scorching his entire body, overrunning his thoughts. His tongue darts out desperately, pushing past your teeth and savoring your taste. He swells up to his knees, drawing your face up and looming over your sitting form in want. Your hands paw at his still damp shirt wildly, tracing the defined curves and muscles under it.

As he explores your mouth and caresses the back of your head, your finger painting descends lower and lower. The curves take a sudden dive, and you follow them, breathless, fueled with a similar scorching fire to his boiling flood, down the low 'v' of his torso, until his hands leave your head and grab your wrists, stopping them in place. You freeze in fear, looking up at him in confusion. You've misunderstood him, somehow. Surely, you think, you've ruined your relationship with the only thing grounding you, but he runs a metal thumb over your lower lip and chuckles lowly. "You're cute, but don't pout, please."

You're still regaining your breath, chasing the warmth of his hand rapidly leaving. Pouting is in your nature. Natasha hates it when you do it, you and Yelena. Your voice quivers slightly as you move to stand up, fingers finding comfort in picking at one another. "I don't understand."

He looks up at you from his knees, blowing stoutly out his nose. You can't help but admire him like this; out of breath, hair messy and casting handsome shadows down his face, his muscles bulging under his jeans as he remains on his knees for you. One hand reaches out from their place on his thigh, slithering around the back of your own and pulling gently until you step forward voluntarily. The same hand dips under your jacket and rises it just enough so that the skin under is exposed to his mouth, where he plants a gentle kiss. His lips linger at the junction between your lower stomach and hip, eyes fluttering closed and then reopening to peer up at you through his downturned lashes. Finally, he uses your hips as means of steadying himself as he stands.

"Fucking me isn't what will make you human, doll." It's under his breath, but tunnels into your being deeply.

You look down in shame, but can't dwell in it for more than a second before he plants a chaste but just as gentle kiss to your lowered forehead. Then his hand shoots up and he flicks the same spot.

You drive your neck back, head following, and go to rub the spot. "Ow? What the fuck."

He laughs again, louder and less intimately this time, and turns away from you to move to his drawer. You watch with your hand on your forehead as he digs through it, pulling things out every few moves: sweatpants, a sweater, workout shorts. He peels his jeans off casually, only giving you a second to sheepishly admit the definition in his legs to memory before he's replacing the jeans with his sweatpants. The corner of his mouth quirks up when he turns back around, throwing the other two items towards you. You catch them dumbfounded as he takes long strides towards his door, opening it to reveal a small snowflake of a kitten. She meows loudly, like she was waiting a long time to be let in, and struts past him, and Bucky scoffs in response, "Yeah, whatever, Alpine. Be nice."

"You adopted her." Your gaze sinks down to watch her kittenish investigation of you.

He hums in affirmation, still staring down at Alpine as she begins to meow repeatedly in recognition. His voice is low and introspective. "Reminded me of you. We both missed you." He observes her rub up against your leg for a beat longer, then looks back up at you. "Change and get comfy on the bed. Movie night."

He's so agonizingly casual about it all. Doesn't even flinch when you let out a confused, strangled noise in response. He only drives the door open more and begins to disappear around the corner, his voice getting louder to counteract his retreat. "I'm getting snacks. Pick something. No war movies." It's said blandly, but you know it's supposed to make you laugh, and you can see his proud grin in your mind when you do.

This sort of ruins all the dramatic yearning you've been doing, but you suppose you don't mind too much. You'll be back to playing a ditsy someone tomorrow, but tonight, you allow Bucky to serve as your personal lighthouse, guiding you back to your own shore; and you allow Alpine to step on your chest as you situate yourself under the covers, even if the weight of her small paws feel like two elephants crushing your ribs.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁🫧⋆｡˚

[chvoswxtch]

I wrote all this in my notes app while I was watching the finale so this is basically me coming to you live from my couch while freaking the fuck out but if you know me you know chaotic rambling is what I do best

matt saying karen’s name when he woke up in the hospital was just like alex saying izzy’s name and that was all the confirmation I needed that whatever they had going on ended right then and there and it was never real to begin with

also how are you gonna leave your man that just got shot in the hospital?? notice how kirsten didn’t 👀

fisk not giving a single fuck that matt saved him and trying to kill him anyway is COLD

“a dead hero is better than a live vigilante” I see the season 3 writers are in the fucking building

also what is it with fisk and trying to poison people in hospitals?? sorry buck but you’ll never be westley that diva was one of a kind

frank showing up at matt’s apartment bitching about there not being any coffee is so special to me you don’t understand

“nightgown man” “blind boy” I don't think frank has ever called matt by his actual name it's always red or a bitchy insult and I love that for them

“aftershave and a haircut? that all for me?” / “yeah I did it for you” AND IM SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL ABOUT THAT ???

“you’re not gonna do it with your ass out?” frank out here asking the real questions. I wish he would’ve. like charlie has no problem with nudity we couldn't get one quick ass shot as a treat for all our pain and suffering??

also frank looking at matt’s bare ass while saying that makes it even fucking funnier (alexa play that should be me)

I knew as soon as frank said he got a call it was karen and when she showed up I fucking SCREAMED MY BABY IS BACK

frank redecorating matt’s whole apartment with blood and brain matter was wild and his feral yelling throughout the whole sequence had my basement flooding if ya know what I mean

they might as well have jumped off that roof holding hands and GOD I missed their bickering I want a whole season just of that

karen literally pulled up like a disappointed mother that had to come pick up her two dumbass sons that got suspended for fighting I was dying laughing

GODDAMNIT JUST LET THEM FUCKING KISS ITS BEEN A DECADE I CANT HANDLE THE YEARNING MY HEART CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE FOR FUCKS SAKE

matt being a jealous bitch boy pls you had your shot

"you couldn't call me?" uh I don't know matthew, maybe bc there's three seasons of evidence of you not answering the fucking phone when karen calls??? you know who does answer the phone?? FRANK

also you literally heard both of their heartbeats you know they’re in love get a grip you have bigger problems right now and your ass needs to stay single until you get medicated

“avocados at law” just fucking shoot me in kneecap it would hurt less

THE FUCKING SKULL SHOWING UP IN THE DARKNESS?? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

frank ripping through the task force and calling them fucking clowns is so *chefs kiss* 5 stars, no notes, all the awards

they were literally like omg we’re your biggest fans and he was like bitch fuck you

“you think you know my pain? you think you know my loss?” y’all didn’t have to do that how much emotional trauma can you fit in one episode was it a fucking game

that whole scene with frank and the task force reminded me a lot of the scene with billy and rawlins from s1 of the punisher and when I tell you I need frank to take powell out in a way that would make fisk clutch his pearls i’m not exaggerating

speaking of, I think fisk popping gallo’s head takes the cake for his most brutal kill over the head decapitation from s1 with the car door like my jaw DROPPED (not bc of the scene itself, but bc they actually allowed that) like that was some terrifier shit and i’m here for it spectacular gimme 14 more of em right now

heather girl I wanted to like you but you can kiss my ass and kick rocks bye

kirsten baby i’m still rooting for you go get your man (pls for the love of god make him go to therapy first)

bb honey pls be careful you’re doing amazing

that whole scene of matt talking about losing his sight with karen and then his ending monologue oh my GOD we are so fucking back (but seriously stab me it would hurt less)

now i’m wondering does josie now know about matt??? like does she know he’s daredevil???? or did karen show up with him like this is my friend daredevil and josie was like yeah he helped fuck up my bar but I guess he can stay he’s gotta pay for his drinks though repairs ain’t cheap

matt telling karen he’s glad she’s back was speaking for all of us welcome home karen the kids missed you

i’m sorry but if you keep francis david castiglione alive knowing that man runs on black coffee and blood thirty vengeance you’re a fucking dipshit what did y’all think was gonna happen

“you know about me?” frank LAUGHING is so real bc you know who this man is and what he did and yet you think he wants to shake your hand and be friends?? anthony from jersey you dumb whore

“we need an army” BITCHHHHHHH LETS FUCKING GO BABY

it’s the defenders. i’m calling it. the defenders are getting back together and they’re gonna be main ones leading the fight against fisk

the shot of matt as daredevil through the door of josie’s fucking CINEMA

are we gonna talk about how daniel's suspenders look suspiciously familiar to muse's??? I really thought bastian was a red herring for muse, bc there was an ep where there was a shot of muse's eyes and then daniel's eyes (or vice versa, I can't remember) and then the recap for this episode included clips of muse...but then no muse at all, not even mentioned in passing. usually something isn't included in a recap unless it has relevance to that episode. also the whole muse storyline was too rushed and tied up too neatly, I think bastian may have been a copycat or maybe hired by vanessa but I don't think bastian was the real muse and daniel is clearly a fucking psycho

also I am still in denial about foggy hear me out what if they switched up the vanessa storyline from the comics and brett was the one put foggy into witpro after learning what he knew about the port (with the help of madani) and they all show up next season 🤔 let me be delusional and live my fantasy

I don’t know if frank will be in the next season since they’re doing that solo punisher thing, so i’m wondering if we’re getting a dex and matt team up next season?? the enemy of my enemy is my friend and all that jazz. bc one, dex basically told vanessa it’s always on sight when he sees fisk, and two, if foggy isn’t actually dead, then I feel like matt might be open to letting dex help take down fisk (very reluctantly, but desperate times)

I have so many thoughts and feelings but i’m just so fucking excited to see what they do next now that we have the right team handling this next season but also I have no idea what the fuck to do with myself now

also nick fury, honey, it’s time to come home. another bald man in a sleek suit is trying to take over new york. pls come back to earth and help matt assemble some new besties thx

[specialagentlokitty]

Spike x reader - my good thing

Standing on the edge of the field, you smiled a little to yourself as you looked up slightly at the endless amount of stars that were above you.

You were out there waiting for the meteor shower to start, it had been something you were looking forward to the whole month.

Just something for you, without college, or hunting the supernatural, or having to listen to everybody complain about everybody to you.

This was time for you.

At least it was supposed to be.

You heard a branch snap, and you turned around, watching as the white haired vampire came stumbling out of the trees, brushing his jacket down.

You sighed, but you offered him a small smile when he looked up at you.

“How did you find me?”

“Slayer told me where you were, or, roughly where you were.”

You nodded, and he walked over, standing next to you while you turned back to carry on watching the stars.

“They want me to bring you back to help them.”

You nodded a little, turning around so you could face where the calorie had just come from.

“Alright, lead the way.”

Spike furrowed his brows a little.

“I said they told me to get you, not that I was going to actually take you, I just wanted out of the boring meeting and decided to see what it was you were doing here and if it were any fun.”

You smiled at him, shaking your head a little.

“Sorry Spike, I don’t think this will be any fun for you.”

“Who says it won’t? What are you doing anyway?”

“Well, I’m waiting for the meteor shower, this one doesn’t happen all that often, but it’ll be twice as big as any of the others, it’ll cover the whole sky!” You beamed.

You turned back to the sky, putting your hands into your pockets.

Spike glanced at you a little and scoffed.

“You’re right, that is boring. Later.”

“Bye, have a good night!”

You beamed at him again, and Spike began to walked away before he stopped.

He glanced at you just standing there unprotected, not a single care in the world and he cursed quietly to himself.

They would kill him if something happened to you, or even blame him, so he had to turn around and make his way back over to you.

“How long does this take?” He grumbled.

“Spike you don’t have to stay, I’ll be alright, I’ve got this whole area cornered off to monsters.”

Spike furrowed his brows a little.

“Then why did I find you?”

“You’re on the list of people who can come through it.”

The way you said it so happily and casually with a smile on your face.

You said it like it was so casual, so normal, as if he were one of the humans you were always hanging around with.

Not that he was a powerful vampire and the only thing stopping him from ripping your head off was a little chip in his brain.

Or one of the two things stopping him at least.

You were bouncing on the balls of your feet, and you reached out to the grass, brushing your fingers along it.

A few bugs flew up, lighting themselves up and spike jumped back in shock.

“What the hell kind magic was that?!”

You laughed a little.

“No magic, they’re fireflies!”

You grinned that innocent little grin when you found something absolutely fascinating, not like demons or vampires or anything like that.

But a pure, wholesome fascination, like when someone brought you a new book you had never seen, or you had completed a new spell perfectly for the first time.

It was a pure, innocent grin that made Spike wonder how despite everything that had happened, everything you had seen or been through you could still be so happy and bright about everything.

Spike watched the fireflies as they danced about a little bit, and he shuffled back a little as one came near him.

“Come on Spike, they won’t hurt you. They’re harmless.”

“They’re bugs that glow in the dark, I don’t like that, it’s not natural.”

“They’re natural, compared to most things in this town at least.”

You reached up, gently guiding the firefly away from him back towards its friends.

“There’s loads of them in the grass, it’s so cool when they all fly upwards, like it’s like the stars all fell from the sky!”

“It would be a total disaster if the stars fell from the sky love, even you know that.”

You shrugged a little.

“Well, yeah. But it’ll still be pretty at least, if that’s the last thing I saw before I died I’d be okay with that.”

Spike glanced down at you.

“Really, burning stars, millions of them falling from the sky and you would be okay if that was the last thing you saw before one of them killed you?”

You laughed a little.

“Okay, okay when you put it like that maybe not so much, but I mean come on, you have to admit it would be nice.”

“Can’t say it’s what I would want to see before I died.”

You looked at him in curiosity.

“Then what would you want to see?”

Glanced looking at you before he turned away again.

“That’s none of your business.”

You grinned again, and you looked back out at the grass.

“You know what you need Spike?”

“What that?” He asked.

“You need to have some fun, not like beat demons up and drink blood kinda fun, like just pure, wholesome fun, you know? Like road trips and… and things like that!”

He rose a brow at you.

“Now I may have forgotten but I’m pretty sure the whole part of being a vampire is I can’t go out in the sun. Plus what’s so wrong with my lifestyle?”

You sighed, turning around to look at him.

“Everybody treats you like a monster, you help them and they still don’t trust you despite everything. And I mean yeah they probably have a reason to, but I think you’ve been a vampire for far too long.”

“Maybe I have, I’m pretty okay with that though. You seem to value life so much, tell me, why is that? Won’t you just die in the end anyway?”

You shrugged slightly, turning your attention back towards the sky.

“Well, yeah. That can make life pretty morbid.”

“Then why are you always so happy?”

“There so much beauty, it varies from person to person, I like the small things, the unnoticed things. Stars, nature, old paintings and vintage music.”

“So, you’re an old person in a young persons body?”

You laughed, smiling softly at him.

“Life is short spike, and unpredictable. If we don’t pay attention to what’s right in front of us, it’s easy to miss it until it’s all gone. Then it’ll be too late.”

“For a vampire life is long, I have all the time in the world.”

“You’re immoral to old age, not to death itself Spike.”

You sighed, and you turned back to the stars.

“One day you’ll die too, and you’ll regret all the things that you never did. Stop trying to be the big bad for once, just be happy.”

“That’s a disgusting statement, I am the big bad, I will always be the big bad.”

“Uh huh, the big bag who’s scared of bugs!”

“Hey!”

Spike tried to grab your arm but you ran into the grass and he ran after you, immediately getting swarmed by the fireflies.

He swatted his hands around, accidentally hitting you and he yelled in pain, clutching at his head as he dropped to his knee.

“Bloody hell! It’s like a death trap here!” He yelled.

You knelt next to him, placing your hands over his on his head.

You whispered something, and the pain rattling around in his skull faded.

Spike looked up at you.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for your to get hurt.”

“I’m the one that hit you. What did you do to me? Why doesn’t it hurt?”

You smiled at him, moving your hands away from his and you rested them on your knees.

“It’s a healing spell, it takes your pain, that’s all, or at least lessens it, which for you would be like me taking it away.”

You sat down, leaning back on your hands as you looked at the hundreds of fireflies dancing about, lights slowly moving around.

Spike sat there watching you, a hand behind him, the other resting in his knee, and he turned his gaze up to the sky as well.

A few meteors shot across the sky and a small gasp left you.

“Spike look!”

“Yes love, I can see them I have eyes you know.”

He looked back at you, sitting up a little bit so he was able to see you a little better.

You wore the softest smile, a gleam of excitement in your eyes.

“They’re so beautiful…”

“Yeah, they are.”

You chuckled a little bit.

“I know you’re looking at me, I can feel your eyes on me.”

Spike got up, and he moved over, crouching in front of you, his arms resting on his legs.

“Is that so wrong?”

You turned your head towards him.

“Spike?”

Reaching up, he carefully placed a hand on the side of your face, and you looked at him in utter confusion which made him chuckled a little.

“Come now, you really can’t pretended you haven’t noticed anything.”

“Noticed what?”

He sighed.

“Come on love, I know you know. I just need to know if you feel the same way.”

You didn’t reply and he sighed again.

He’d been trying to make it obvious to you, without directly telling you. He tried being nice, he tried being mean, he tried getting you things or just following your around.

Now he was just going to be upfront about it.

“You’re so soft, so gentle. You are everything somebody like me doesn’t deserve, somebody I would never deserve, I’m evil, you’re good. It could never work out.”

“So, then why are you here?” You asked quietly.

“Because I want you, and I don’t care how selfish it is. I want one good thing for myself, I want you to be that one good thing I have.”

“Spike…”

He leant forward, brushing his lips against yours.

“Be that one good thing in my life…” he whispered.

You smiled, leaning forward, connecting your lips either his.

Your hands gently gripped at his jacket, pulling him a little closer.

Spike smirked into the kiss and you pulled away, and he chased your lips trying to kiss you again.

“Spike the meteors..”

“Alright! Alright.”

You smiled, shuffling around and you laid your head in his lap, staring up at him, the shooting stars above his head.

You reached up, gently touching his cheek.

“I know you’ve been trying to get my attention for months.”

“So… you’ve been ignoring me then?”

You just grinned a little.

“I wanted to be sure I guess… that I wasn’t going to be just another you know.. like.. conquest or something…”

Spike placed his hand on yours.

“Now I could never do that to someone as pure as you, I could never hurt you in such a way love.”

He lifted your head, and shuffled down so he could lay down as well, resting your head in his chest.

Your hand held his, running your thumb along the back of his hand, small circles against his skin.

It was a strange feeling for him, we was used to violence, aggression, anger.

With you it was care, compassion, gentle.

He was sure if he had a soul, and a beating heart this would probably be what you would consider to be true love and happiness.

Spike never understood your whole love for nature and all the little things, but in this moment he did, he really understood it.

It wasn’t the first time he was so close to you, but it was the closest he’d been to you, and he loved it, he loved your warmth, and how soft you were.

It wasn’t killing or being the big bad, but this was definitely his new favourite memory he would remember for as long as he lived, he just hoped there was time to make many more.

“Spike?”

He hummed a little.

You sat up, and you leant down, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“I’m glad you’re here too love.”

He pulled you down into his embrace, and you rested your head on his shoulder, going back to look at the night sky

[mirainwonderland]

I’m a Phone Call Away

Tags: fluff, slight angst if you squint, minimal swearing, nothing crazy

Word Count: 1.2k words

A/N: I feel like I didn’t put the effort into this i should have so I’m sorry if it’s a little lackluster 🥲 it might be fine i just wrote the idea i had in my head and here we areee so here have this x

· · ───────── ·𖥸· ───────── · ·

Hey…

I know… you probably don’t want to hear from me right now. Heh… I’m probably the last person you want to hear from. But…

I just need you to know: I worry about you. I love you… so much, sweetheart. You know that right?

…

Long breath.

…I’m givin’ you some space. ‘Know you need it. But you only get so much of it, you hear? Cause whatever we have is gonna work, okay? I’m not letting you get out of this that easy. And no argument is gonna change that, yeah?

…

Okay well… I’ll… try and call you tomorrow night. I… hope you pick up. Uh… I love you. Bye.

Your phone hits the bed as soon as the preverbal click echoes in your ear, ending the voicemail. Rolling over onto your side, you face away from it, heart weighing down into your heels.

You don’t have a justification really. Don’t have a reason to be isolating yourself from him, from the world at large. You try and tell yourself it was a petty conversation that hardly breached into argument territory, but your heart just won’t agree with you.

It hurt.

And it was stupid.

…and you miss him.

Screw you and your sensitive ass.

It wasn’t just that though. You’ve been feeling off lately for weeks. Everything irritates you, your chest feels like you’re carrying around a weight, and you’ve cried too many times to count on both hands. You’re so overstimulated; nothing tastes good anymore. You felt lost and confused, and you didn’t want to drag him down with you any further.

He had enough to worry about anyway.

And it didn’t really help that he hadn’t listened to you the night or the argume— discussion. It was a lively discussion. If you start thinking it’s an argument, you’ll just spiral and freak yourself out with relationship ending fantasies.

Your screen lights up, a gentle ping behind you, but you don’t turn. You know it’s probably a text from him. He’s worried about you. You haven’t talked to him in two days, which is not like you at all. You know the only reason he hasn’t just shown up at your apartment is because he’s been so busy with work lately.

That, and he’s keenly aware of the fact that something is off, and you seem to be pushing him away. He doesn’t like it, but he understands the need to breathe.

Only you don’t want time away from him. Not really. But you don’t know what you do want. You’re a walking dichotomy, and it’s scrambling your own brain. You feel awful. You curl up a little deeper in your sheets, wanting to sleep away the headache that never seems to go away.

But sleep hates you too.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

Leon lets out a long, heavy breath. He sets his work bag down on the couch with a heavy hand, yanking open a few extra buttons of his dress shirt. His chest heaves for a couple good breaths, the hair on it peeking out from the open front.

If you’d told him several years ago that he’d find a girl who would stress him out this much by holing herself up in her room for two days, he would have laughed in your face and downed another drink. He didn’t need anybody, or get that close to anybody, even though deep down he knew that was a bold-faced lie.

Now he’s not afraid to admit it. He’s not heard a word from you, and it’s got him pacing the floor, and lying awake in bed all sweaty. His jacket hits the back of the sofa and he rubs a hand over his stubbled jaw.

“Fuck…” he mumbles under his breath. He’d left you the voicemail this morning, and still nothing from you. Not that he necessarily expected you to come running into his arms the moment you heard it (well okay a little bit), but he hoped for at least a text—some acknowledgment— that you’d gotten it.

He understands though. He’d been feeling like something was off with you for awhile. And he’ll admit that he didn’t really listen to you that night in the car. It had just escalated into an argument, and really it was all his fault. You had been trying so hard to call out to him for help in the only way you knew how, and he failed to come to your rescue.

What a jerk.

Boyfriend of the year.

Great job, Leon.

He heaves another tired sigh, his shoulders drooping, as he meanders into his bedroom with his hands shoved into his pockets. He wants nothing more than to get out of these itchy clothes. He’d love even more to have come home to find you hanging out in his apartment like you often did. But of course you weren’t, and Leon didn’t know why he was disappointed.

His shoulders crack as he stretches them, his shirt hitting the floor. He avoids his reflection in the mirror, not really needing to feel any worse than he already does.

He flops down on the couch in front of some shitty television, with a shitty bowl of instant ramen in his hand, letting the TV land on a random shitty channel. He stabs his fork into the noodles, twisting them around the prongs, trying not to turn up his nose at how much he doesn’t want a bachelor dinner tonight.

Not when the ghostly memories of your cooking still haunt his kitchen with their smells.

Not when he can hear the echo of your laugh as you two curl up on his couch to eat and watch Gilmore Girls.

He misses that stupid show.

His discards the noodle cup on the coffee table, hardly touched, when his phone buzzes. He feels tired. It’s probably Hunnigan or someone who can’t conceptualize that work days have endings to them. It was already insanely late, what did they want now? He answers it without looking.

“Yeah, what?” He sighs, not trying to hide the weariness and deadpan beat of his voice.

There’s a long pause on the other end.

“Um…hey.” Comes the extra quiet murmur he recognizes right away.

His heart jumps and sinks all at once when he hears your voice. He instantly feels bad, straightening up on the edge of his couch.

“Baby— hey.” He grabs his phone a little tighter, hating himself already for answering the phone the way he did. “Sorry, I didn’t realize it was you.”

Another long pause.

“You okay…?” He prods when he’s greeted with quiet breathing, not wanting to push too much, but eager to bridge that gap you’ve created. He knows your pride always takes an unnecessary beating when you lay down your sword like this and reach out for help. He always told you you didn’t need to be ashamed, but you still got that lump in your throat and the burn in your cheeks.

“I… can’t sleep.” Those familiar words crackle from the other end of the receiver. A sign of surrender, of your walls going down. Of your hand reaching out to him through the phone and wanting him to respond. He’s not gonna fuck it up this time.

“Can you come over?”

He’s already on his feet, slinging on his jacket.

“Yeah, sweetheart. Sit tight. I’m on my way.”

[trashywormeateroffics]

the great war (bucky barnes x female reader)

the gif is not mine!

summary: you get jealous and have a fight with bucky. inspired by the great war by taylor swift.

a/n: hey anon!!! sorry it took so long. i have no excuse. anyways, i hope you enjoy this!!! <333 also i am once again asking u to send me requests with marvel characters (natasha/bucky/loki) and taylor swift songs so i can write a one shot about it !!!! bye love u

masterlist

\\\\

you don't know how it all happened. one second, everything was perfect. the next, you were acting like a crazy person and saying horrible and hurtful things. and now you're pretty sure you've officially lost him forever.

\\\\

it all started with her. agent carpenter. pretty, blue eyed blonde, flirty, perfect agent carpenter.

“alright everyone,” tony begins and the people in the meeting fall into silence. “as you all know, a new member is joining us on the avengers initiative.” they all nod, including you. “her name is samara carpenter and she was personally recruited by fury. which means she's very good at what she does.” the billionaire looks at steve and he nods, taking the lead.

“alright, i want you all to be nice and welcoming. especially you buck.” he says, making most of the people there snort. you look at him.

“what did i do now?” bucky asks, incredulous.

“nothing yet, but if you just stare at her and don't greet her like a normal person she'll leave this team as fast as she came.” sam tells him. the grumpy super soldier rolls his eyes.

“whatever, bird-brain.”

steve shakes his head in disapproval of the two bickering idiots but soon enough he's back on track with the presentation.

bucky's rough gaze scans the room until it falls on you. his eyes soften when he sees that you are already looking at him. you give him a soft and playful smile, which he returns.

after the meeting is done and everyone is dismissed, you head to your room.

not five seconds pass until someone knocks on the door. you smile, because you know who it is.

“come in!” you sing-song.

when he enters, you can't help but stare at him. you've been together for a year now but you still couldn't believe that he was yours. he was so beautiful, so funny, so kind, so dumb sometimes, just so… him. you loved him so much. yet you still hadn't said it. you were trying to take things slow, for both of your sakes.

“hey.” you tell him as he closes the door behind him. he has a look on his face which you recognize. something's bothering him.

“c'mere.” you pat the spot next to you on the bed.

he wastes no time in dropping himself unceremoniously on the mattress and letting out a sigh.

you begin to run your hands through his hair.

“d'you think i'm scary?” he asks with a pout adorning his beautiful pink lips. god, you want to kiss him so badly. so that's what you do. you peck his lips and then immediately shake your head with a smile.

“do you think that adorable pout could be scary?” he purses his lips to stop himself from smiling, but still, a small smile plays on his lips.

“y/n, i'm being serious.” he sighs. you do too.

“maybe to some people you could be. not to me though.”

“but when you first met me-”

“i was too busy thinking about how hot you were to worry about you being scary.” he laughs. god, how you love that sound. you would ridicule yourself to hear it. “is this about what steve and sam said?”

he shrugs.

“i just… hate that i'm so socially inadequate.”

you hand in his hair stops. he furrows his brows.

“bucky,” you begin, “we are a bunch of weirdos, all of us. there is not one person on this team who is socially adequate.”

“but at least the others can fake it, you can fake it.”

“you know what my favorite thing about you was when we first started to become friends?” you ask and he shakes his head. “that your face said it all. if you weren't in the mood for something, i could tell from a mile away, and in return, if something excited you, it would be contagious.” you caress his cheek and he leans into your touch. “and when i couldn't pretend, i always knew you were there to just sit in silence with me. no expectations to be socially acceptable.”

“i don't know how you do it.” he sighs. you frown.

“do what?”

“make every bad thing about me sound so… good.”

your frown deepens.

“hey.” you straddle him and grab his face in between both your hands. “you are perfect. just like you are. don't you dare change yourself.” you tell him firmly. then you purse your lips. “unless you totally want to for whatever reason and i would totally support you because-” you suddenly fall silent. he looks at you, expectant for you to finish your sentence. “because you know i'm here for you, no matter what.”

he smiles softly.

“i know, doll. me too, i'm always here for you no matter what.” you purse your lips to stop yourself from spilling your heart out of your mouth as you caress his cheekbone with your thumb.

“how about we watch a movie? you can pick.”

he pecks your lips and nods.

you spend what is left of the day watching movies and cuddling.

\\\\

two days after that meeting, she arrives. you're all hanging around the common kitchen when steve appears with someone trailing behind him.

“everyone, this is agent carpenter.”

“please, call me samara. or sammie even.”

“sammie, nice to meet you.” sam is the first one to greet her. “i'm sam wilson, but the coolest avenger is fine too.”

you shake your head and roll your eyes. then, you take a step forward, but before you can introduce yourself and welcome her to the team, you see her eyes flicking over to something right next to you. or someone. her eyes shine with curiosity and attraction.

“hi, nice to meet you.” she smirks. you swallow slowly.

bucky gives her a nod, but then he seems to remember what steve and sam told him and attempts to give her a smile.

“hi, i'm bucky.”

“bucky,” she repeats slowly, almost tasting the name in her mouth. she's about to say something else but before she can, you speak up.

“i'm y/n. welcome to the team.” you smile as honestly as you possibly can, but dread fills your stomach.

“hi!” she smiles at you. “you're so pretty, oh my god!”

you give her a tight smile.

“thank you.”

“of course!”

the rest of the team introduces themselves, even though she insists she already knows almost all of them and then you all go about your day.

\\\\

it had been a month since she arrived at the compound. you had seen her a few times, mostly during training. but you didn’t particularly go out of your way to talk to her. there was something you didn’t like. maybe it was your intuition, or maybe it was the fact that she did seem to go out of her way to talk to your boyfriend. and he did not seem upset by that, the opposite actually. he seemed to enjoy it.

you were not a jealous person, least of all with bucky. but something about her irked you. something about her made you doubt yourself and everything you believed in.

“i like her,” natasha says while she paints her nails, laying on her stomach on your bed.

wanda hums in agreement while she flips through the pages of a beauty magazine. you don’t say anything.

“what about you, y/n?”

“um, yeah.” you try to give them a convincing smile but based on the looks they give you, you do not succeed.

“okay, spill the tea.” wanda tells you. had she been learning internet lingo?

you sigh.

“i just- i don’t know.” you shake your head. “doesn’t something feel off to you?”

“not really.” wanda says as natasha narrows her eyes.

“you’re jealous.” she finally decrees.

“i’m not.” you respond defensively.

“you’re jealous that she seems to be getting along with barnes.”

“i-“ you begin your sentence with the intention of uttering a lie, but it dies right on your tongue. “i am. but i don’t want to be.” you confess.

“explain yourself.” she tells you in a tone that could sound commanding and harsh to someone else, but you know it’s filled with care. she’s your best friend, she would never hurt you on purpose. so is wanda, who looks at you with a knowing look you can’t seem to pinpoint the reason for.

“i just- i don’t know. he’s never like that with anyone. since when is he the type to joke around with someone?” you shake your head. “i’m an asshole, cause i should be happy for him. he’s putting himself out there. but i can’t. i’m jealous. so cliche.” you huff.

“you’re not an asshole. an asshole would make a whole scene, give him an ultimatum or something like that. you’re just expressing your feelings to your friends.”

“and, y/n, we all have those ugly feelings. they are human.” wanda tells you, softly. “you should talk to him about it.”

“what if he gets mad?”

“y/n, please. that man adores you, he could never get mad at you. least of all for this.”

maybe they’re right. maybe that’s the healthiest thing to do. and even as you agree with them, you know you will not talk to him about this. because he will realize that you’re right, and that there is so much more to the world than just… you.

\\\\

“come on! you just have to put it in the oven!”

you hear her before you see her. you weren’t expecting to see him though.

right there, almost as if mocking you, they stand. cooking together. he looks so comfortable around her.

they seem to be wrapped up in their own little bubble, so you clear your throat. immediately, they turn to look at you. he widens his eyes, almost looking guilty.

“james found me and i asked him to join me.” she explains, but you stop paying attention the moment she says his name. she called him james.

“james?” you narrow your eyes in question.

he seems to want to say something because he opens his mouth like a fish out of water but you leave mumbling an excuse about training with nat before he can utter a word.

back in your room, you fall to the floor and break down. you knew she was trouble the moment she walked in, but you weren’t expecting this to happen so soon.

heartbroken, you get up from where you’re sitting and head to your bathroom.

the girl in the mirror looks defeated, but you feel angry. if he didn't need you anymore, then you didn’t need him either.

\\\\

the days after that, you ignore him, always having an excuse at the tip of your tongue to not hang out with him. he doesn’t seem to care that much. until, you suppose, after three days, he begins caring.

“doll, can we talk?”

“hm?” you play dumb. you encountered each other in the common kitchen. that damned place, you hated it now, but you were hungry.

“i asked you if we can talk. you seem… distant.” his brows are furrowed. you only know that because you turned to look at him only for a second. other than that, your gaze doesn’t meet his. “come on, y/n, i know something’s wrong.”

you look at him and smile sarcastically.

“you do?”

“yes. please, let’s ta-“

“hey guys!” you roll your eyes at her voice.

“have fun you two!” you tell them, smiling venomously, only looking at him before you leave.

“is everything okay?” she asks.

“i’m sorry samara, i can’t talk right now.” you hear him say before you hear his footsteps getting closer to you in the hallway.

“y/n!” he calls out to you when you get into the elevator without looking behind you. before the doors can close, you see his metal arm get in between them. he gets in and they close. once they do, he hits the stop button. then, he turns to you. he frows when he sees the hate in your eyes. “y/n, what is going on?”

you scoff.

“fuck off, james.” you tell him, your voice full of venom. he widens his eyes in surprise before narrowing them.

“oh, so that’s it? you’re jealous and that’s why you’re avoiding me and acting crazy now?”

“i’m not jealous, but i’m not blind either.” you clench your jaw. “and don’t call me crazy.”

“you are blind if you think something’s going on with her.” he tells you. you roll your eyes and then tilt your head.

“when was the last time you let someone call you james? when was the last time you cooked with someone who was not steve?” he begins breathing heavily. you laugh and bite your lip incredulously. “i think you took the whole being friendly thing too serious.”

“i can't believe you right now.” he shakes his head. “you're angry because i'm not being an asshole to her?”

you scoff.

“oh, please, james.” he clenches his jaw.

“stop calling me that.”

“oh, so i can't call you that but she can?”

“you know that's not-”

“you know what? go ahead. let her call you james. fuck her in the middle of the common room for all i care. lets see how long she puts up with you.” you regret the words as soon as they leave your mouth but its too late, a deep hurt covers his face. still, you can't stop. you're too hurt, too scared. too goddamn stupid. “you think she's going to console you while you have your nightmares?” you laugh venomously. “you think she's going to accept you, all of you?” as you keep talking, his expression turns from pained to angry. resentful even.

he turns to the panel control of the elevator and pushes the stop button so the elevator will move again.

“you know what?” he glances at you and you're almost taken aback by the distant look in his eyes. “maybe i'll fuck her. maybe i'll even date her too. she's probably not as desperate and clingy as you.”

“fuck you.” you spit out.

the doors open, he steps outside. before he leaves, he turns to look at you.

“yeah, you too.”

after the doors close again, you fall to the floor and let out a heart-wrenching sob. you never thought it would end like this.

\\\\

four days. four fucking, horrible, long days bucky has been gone from the compound. you try to ask steve about it, because you know he knows where he is, but he won't tell you. even though you two are close friends and he never got in the middle of a fight between you two– even though you two never fought– he seemed angry. at you. you didn't know if he knew the reason for the fight, but he knew you were in the wrong, that much you knew.

these days all you do is cry, sleep, eat and repeat. you're way past heartbroken, you're miserable, inconsolable. it's all your fault. this prison of sadness was your own making.

you miss him. god, you miss him. you wonder how he is. did he already fuck someone else? did he regret ever being with you?

you don't dare text or call him. you're too embarrassed. you acted like a crazy person, and said awful, horrific things. and you're pretty sure he'll never forgive you. but what will you do then? how will you build a life without him? oh god, you're crying again. great, just great, you think as you turn around in your bed. who were you without him?

\\\\

its the sixth day of his absence when you go talk to steve. you drag yourself from your bed, with your swollen and red rimmed eyes and knock on his door.

“y/n…” he tells you, pity dripping from his tone.

“hey…” you try to give him a fake smile, but as soon as the corners of your mouth move, they turn downwards into a frown, and you start crying. sobbing really. inconsolable sobs leave you as steve wraps you up in his arms.

“hey, hey, it's okay.”

“no, it's not! i hurt him! i don't know why i did it, but i did!” you sob.

“hey,” he pulls away from you a bit to look you in the eyes, “come in. come on, come on.” he tells you as you slowly make your way inside.

you sit down on the edge of his bed and he sits down next to you.

“steve, is he- is he okay?”

he looks at you. you know him, so you know that that look means he isn't.

“he's safe though.”

“i really messed up.”

“i know.”

“he told you?”

“he didn't need to. i saw it on camera. wanted to know why the elevator stopped working for a while.”

you put your head in your hands and begin sobbing again.

“oh my god.” you sob. “i-i'm so sorry you had to see that. i dont… i dont know what-” a hiccup escapes you. “i can't-” another hiccup. “oh god…” your shoulders shake as you sob into your hands.

“hey…” he draws comforting circles on your back, but nothing can comfort you. not when he's hurt and hates you and it's all your fault. “hey.”

“steve, how can i fix it? can i even-” hiccup, “can i even fix it?”

he looks at you with pity.

“i don't know, y/n. i think he's gonna need some time.”

“oh my god.” you say. steve had always rooted for you two, so if he's saying it can't be fixed it really means it can't. “i'm going to die.”

“you're not going to die.”

“i can't live without him. i can't.” you shake your head frantically. “please, just tell me where he is. i need to-”

“i dont think it's a good idea.” he tells you sympathetically.

“please,” you beg him, “please, i need to- if it ends…” more tears fall from your eyes. “it can't end like that. please. he deserves more than that.”

he looks at you, seemingly pondering what you're saying. you look at him the whole time, pleading. he sighs. he's going to tell you.

\\\\

you look at the old building that seems to be deteriorating with each passing second. you straighten down your clothes (steve insisted you get properly showered and dressed) and take a deep breath. he's staying at a safe house in brooklyn. of course. it was so predictable and so him, you almost decided to leave. maybe you should let it end how it ended. what if this time it was worse? but you didn't have the luxury to think like that. it was over, but you needed him to remember you as the good times you shared, not that damned last time.

you enter the building and go up the stairs to the seventh floor, since there is no elevator.

when you reach his door, a green one who looked like if you blew on it it would fall down, you freeze. what are you even supposed to say to him? hi, bucky, sorry i told you she wouldn't be able to put up with you, insinuating that you are hard to love, hope everythings okay between us! ugh, you wanted the earth to swallow you whole.

you take another deep, slow breath, because you know otherwise he'll be able to hear you. then, you knock two times.

when the door opens he takes your breath away. this time not because he's gorgeous but because you're so scared that you fear you're going to pass out.

“what do you want?” he asks harshly. you feel tears prick your eyes but you blink them away.

“hear me out, please.”

“no, thank you.” he goes to close the door, but you swiftly get inside before he does. he slams the door behind him when he turns around to look at you, now inside the apartment, looking uncomfortable and out of place. “i told you i didn't want to hear you out.”

“just-”

“leave.”

“one second-”

“leave, y/n.”

“bucky-”

“oh, so now i'm bucky?” your lip wobbles.

“you're always bucky.”

“not last time we talked.”

“that's why i'm here.” he lifts his chin, looking at you with so much indifference you wonder if he ever looked at you with love in his eyes.

“i don't care to hear you explain yourself.” a tear escapes your eye. you dry it with your sleeve harshly. his face seems to soften for a second but then it goes back to its harshness.

“i'm not here- i'm not here to explain myself.” he looks at you.

“why are you here then?” you sigh.

“remember that time you took me to feed the ducks on that park?”

“yes. so?”

you smile softly as tears fall down your face.

“that was the time i told you i wanted to be your girlfriend. no one ever took me to such a silly date.” you chuckle softly. then you frown in pain looking at the floor now. he shifts his weight from one feet to the other, impatient.

“what's your point?”

“that's how i'd like you to remember me.”

“what?” you look at him. he's frowning.

“i know that the last time we talked i was… crazy. i just- i know theres no going back, but id like, for the sake of what we had, for you to not remember me like that.” you tell him. “because we were more than that.” the last word comes out broken to give way to a silent sob. you try to compose yourself. “I'm sorry. don't pay attention to that.” you give him a fake smile, which you know he can see right through.

“y/n-”

“okay, i'll leave. but… come back to the compound. i'll move out if you want me to, just, don't stay away from your friends just because of me.” you go to leave, walking past him, when he grabs your arm. when you turn around there are unshed tears in his eyes.

“i don't care about the compound. or about remembering you.” oh. you widen your eyes and heavy tears leave them.

“okay, i'm- i'm sorry for suggesting-”

“no.” you nod, understanding. “no, no.” he repeats. he grabs you by the shoulders and he crouches so he's eye level with you. “i don't want to have to remember you.”

you frown.

“but, bucky-”

“but i probably should.” he cuts you off.

“yeah,” you laugh humorlessly as you cry. “you should. i'm sorry. i never should've come here. i'm sorry.”

“stop saying sorry and explain to me what the hell happened.” you tilt your head.

“i… i got jealous.”

“that's it? that's why you hurt me?” he asks. you look down. this was it. he was giving you a chance. explain yourself like you never have before, you think to yourself.

“i never got why you were with me-”

“stop saying were. this could end today, but as of now, were still together.” you purse your lips. “hey, hey, its okay.” he says softly as he puts his hands on your cheeks and wipes the tears that begin falling again with his thumbs.

“im sorry-” he looks at you pointedly. you nod. “i just… i don't understand why you're with me. im not- im nothing like you.” you begin. he frowns. “you are kind and thoughtful and amazing and im- im not good like you.”

“what? y/n, you're the best person i know.”

“you can't still think that.” he looks at you honestly. he does? “see? you're so- and i'm so…”

“lets sit down.” he tells you and you both do, on the old couch thats near the window. he gestures for you to continue.

“i just- you'll never get it. and thank god you won't. but im not- im not a natural, you know? not like you, not like her.” you fidget with your hands. “you guys, the team, you like me because i'm fake. you wouldn't if you knew the real me. but i showed it to you pretty easily, i guess.” you laugh without a trace of humor. he frowns. then, he grabs your hand and caresses your knuckles. bucky takes a deep breath before speaking.

“y/n, i like- no, scratch that. i love you because i know you.” your face contorts in pain. you start crying heavily again. “hey, hey, come on baby, talk to me.”

“i just… she's so… perfect. for everyone, for you.”

“i don't want her, i want you.”

“you cant want me after what i said to you. i hurt you and i'll never forgive myself for that.”

“yes, you hurt me. but you were hurt too, i just didn't see it.”

“im so scared you'll wake up one day and realize there is so much more to the world than… me.” you sob and cover your face with your hands.

bucky pulls your hands away from you face and pulls you into his lap.

“listen to me.” he tells you firmly. “there is nothing more to the world than you. you are it for me, y/n. i love you.”

“bucky-” you hiccup. “i'm so sorry i said that about you. i promise you i just said it to you because i- i was lashing out. anyone would accept and love you, you are literally the most amazing-” hiccup, “person-” hiccup, “in the universe.”

he smiles softly at you and the unshed tears come back, but this time, he lets them fall.

“baby, listen to me. i love you. i'm not going anywhere.” you open your mouth to speak but he beats you to it. “and i forgive you. i promise you i don't resent you. i know what it's like to lash out when you're hurt.”

“bucky-” you sob against his chest.

“shh, baby, its okay.” he soothes you, rubbing comforting circles on your back. “it's okay, i got you.”

you take a shuddering breath and lift your head from his chest to look at him. you grab his face with both your hands.

“i promise you i'll never lash out again. im so sorry. i-” he gives you a pointed look. “i know. im not saying sorry anymore. sor-” you purse you lips and he lets out a laugh. then, he shakes his head incredulous and looks at you with so much adoration in his eyes you feel like you're going to pass out from all the love you feel for this man. “can i kiss you?” you ask him shyly.

“please.”

and so you do. the kiss is soft, vulnerable, you're telling him how sorry you are, how much you love him, and thats when you remember you didn't say it.

he whines when you pull away, something that makes you smile.

“bucky,”

“yeah, baby?”

“i love you. so much i feel like i'm going to throw up.” he lets out a loud laugh.

“i love you more, doll.”

you spend the rest of the day cuddled up on that couch in that old apartment, not ready to go to the compound yet. but you do send a text to steve before turning off your phone to spend time with the love of your life. you almost lost him, but you didn't, and as you lay in that old mattress on the floor, while he makes love to you and whispers of words of adoration and devotion fill your ears, you vow to him one thing. you'll always be his.

[changingplumbob]

First Impressions - Berenice

How do you feel so far?

There's… so many… people *looks around anxiously*

Dee

Oh, I mislike people who have eyebrows lighter than their skin colour. Like you need a second look to make sure they have any at all? And they're important to keep sweat, moisture and debris out of your eyes - and to communicate with people, so it makes me think that you're trying to hide something? Well at least she has an open face, I guess! Also what would they be called if she and Deanna eventually end up together - DeeDee? [makes a face] Better than D-Squared, I suppose - that's not at all mathematically accurate…

Isla

Is this one of Layla de la Rosa's children? Sorry, I'm not like trying to be rude or anything - it just looks a lot like her. I think that would be a bit of a disadvantage for the other competitors with her mother being a romance writer and all. And with Ms de la Rosa it's clearly not a case of 'those who can't, teach' - I mean, have we seen her new husband??? Sorry, that must be rude too *ponders*

Isabella

I uh, I don't know. It's not the same person but she looks like the type of girl who would maybe invite everyone but you to their slumber party and like so obviously made sure that you knew about it - and also the type of girl who somehow gets zipzapped afterwa… uh freak static shocks, amirite? Anyway so I'm either going to dislike her because of her unfortunate association in my brain orrrr I'll overcompensate for my bias by being extra nice to her and giving her faaarrrr too much leniency aaaand therefore ending up with a perception that is totally biased anyway??? So yeah, don't come to me for an accurate take on Isabella, is what I'm trying to say - heh..

Kaye

Pointy ears! *huge grin* Ooh I wonder if this means - I 'mean', pointy ears are just ears, they don't have to mean anything - they're part of what we take meaning from. Anyway I'm not trying to be 'mean' with these buuuut it's always like 'oh give us your honest opinion Berenice - uh, but not like that.' Either people say that they want you to be honest but then you're just supposed to tell them what they want to hear - why not ask for that in the first place? Orrr they say 'I'm just being honest' when noooo - you just want to be hurtful. It's not a Simonoply 'Get Out of Jail' free card for your own personal responsibility - buh bye, forbidden word…

Nyami

Oooh, what a nautical name! I wonder if she's - well, it's important for everyone to stay hydrated, right? [nervous laughter] She seems different at least. I wonder how well she knows the local flora from Selvadorada - they would have a lot of great uses for ingredients! And actually, a tropical climate would be great for year-round…. tomatoes, it would be great for year round tomatoes. They're my favourite vegetable-which-is-also-a-fruit!

Berenice created and written by @ethicaltreatmentofcowplants

[fallenclan]

Fdsdfkalsdkj in my last ask (the one with the list of ten cats) I forgot to write which anon I was. Sorry! This is oven mitt anon. 🥊

Beginning my analysis/ramble on my list of my favourite FallenClan cats: 

SECTION A: Scorchstar, Sunwish, Toro, Cherrystar. These four cats are all lumped together because they all became some of my favourites due to the legacy they did/could have left in FallenClan. All of them have occupied significant positions of power/political sway in FallenClan during their lives. 

…Section A got too long so I’m splitting it up into 1A and 2A. 1A is Scorchstar and Sunwish, 2A is Toro and Cherrystar. Here is SECTION 1A:

Scorchstar is fascinating to me, I love love love how morally grey she is. She was a beloved and respected and very competent leader. She was a ferocious defender of her Clan. She had a wife and a son and she would do anything for them. She forced a child into a role she didn’t want and then later killed that same child when she was all grown up. She regretted her crime so much that she was let into StarClan anyways, alongside the person she murdered. Oh my god. Her leadership style is also very fascinating to me; she’s obviously not a heartless leader, during her reign her cats kept saving outsiders and bringing them in when they’re hurt or sick or just wanting a home, but she’s also a very ‘FallenClan-first’ leader, like using the worry box as a source, in that fic a major subject of contention between Scorchstar and Sunwish is that Scorchstar doesn’t want to share herbs with their neighbouring Clans even though FallenClan has plenty and their neighbours have nothing. She’s also the type to be like, ‘a FallenClan’s duty is to do what’s best for the Clan as a whole, even if it causes the individual to suffer’ (ahem. Sunwish) and you can really see how her backstory played into it (Scorchstar’s backstory made me bawl, by the way, you are a fantastic writer); like, she spent her young life being the Responsible Sister who kept her sister Breezeshadow safe and in check and ‘knew what was best for her’ and her entire life’s purpose was just protecting her family, so she expected the same from her Clan as well. …However. Judging by… the events of her life, Scorchstar also has very, very strong biases towards the cats that she loves, so in an alternate universe in which Otterslip was put into Sunwish’s situation, I don’t doubt for a second that she would NEVER put her son in the med. cat role if he didn’t want it. ALSO. HER SPEECH TO RAVENSTAR ABSOLUTELY ROCKED I WAS HOLLERING AND CHEERING. 

Sunwish… oh my god Sunwish occupies my brain at all hours of the day. I love her. First of all she was miserable and cranky and I LOVE characters that are grouchy and kind of mean. Also? Her name fucking sucked, who the hell named her. Was it Wildfang? Why the hell would Wildfang name her THAT? “Congrats, kid! You’re finally an official medicine cat after a long and gruelling apprenticeship where you put yourself through med school by Cat Skyping with my ghost. Here’s a name that will forever remind you of your unfulfilled dreams of becoming a warrior. Lmao bye.” I feel the same about Canarywish, by the way, I’m sorry but Canarywish’s name felt so MEAN especially knowing who named her. I KNOW there’s a possibility that Canarywish was meant as a really nice name, like it was a sign that Canarywish represents the wish of the older cats for a better future for the younger generation or whatever, but it really feels like Ravenstar really went, “Hey my beloved niece who is graduating super early (like me, heh). Remember that time we found a dying loner and you couldn’t save them and how their death will haunt you forever and you WISH you could have saved them? I hereby grant you the name CanaryWISH-” like come ON. Thornwish is the only acceptable -wish cat because he has the vengeful trait so it implies that he wishes his enemies would step on a thorn. ANyways back to Sunwish. Sunwish in life was a medicine cat, and her life was so tragic- like, she was miserable her whole life and then she was murdered (and she was murdered because Scorchstar blamed her for failing to save Nettlestem- Sunwish was GRIEVING after Nettlestem’s death, she loved her so much too!!!). Also, HER BACKSTORY MADE ME BAWL TOO HOW DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS. She had a mother who died when Sunwish was young- Sunwish almost starved to death without her mother when she was just a small kitten. How does Sunwish feel about her dead mom? Sunwish must know that her mother probably feels so grateful that her daughter found a place where she was taken care of and fed and protected, that’s probably all her mother ever hoped for her daughter. Does Sunwish feel ungrateful for dreaming of being a warrior when Clan life is probably more than what her mother ever imagined? Does Sunwish want to be a warrior so badly because being a warrior = having hunting and fighting skills and not being dependent on other cats to feed and protect you, and the last time Sunwish was dependent on someone else to feed and protect her, she nearly starved to death? Anyways. I feel like the role that would have best suited her eventually would actually be… a deputy. Because of her rocky adolescence and young adulthood, I feel like if she had lived she would have made a very caring mentor and she would have been very concerned about young cats and making sure that they don’t have too much on their plate. She’s also pretty brazen about crossing Clan borders for herbs and in the worry box she will give herbs from FallenClan territory to other Clans; her motto seems to be that it straight up Doesn’t Matter whether a cat is from another Clan or not, it poses no interest to her; if a cat is suffering, then her obligation is to Fix It. No exceptions. …I do NOT ever want to see SunSTAR though, I imagine that she would hate the stress. Ideally she’s deputy for a long long time and then steps down to become an elder after a fulfilling career. The life she could have had… Also I’ve got a question: what was Sunwish honoured for at her medicine cat ceremony? I’m so curious… 

AHH i love this... not much to say about it i think you've got them down pretty well!!! scorchstar and sunwish are two characters i love so very much even to this day, and their relationship fucking Haunts me /pos

Sunwish was honored for her responsibility which is. ouch. holy shit

[hahjsshnanans772]

SHEDLETSKY TICKLE HEADCANONS PLEEEEASE? 🙏🙏🙏

it’s shedletskying time! Peak! Oh my stomach hurts aghhh yells in pain

//

GENERAL ;

- 75% Ler | 25% Lee, he’s more of a ler then lee, but hes still stupid ticklish

- like taph, he uses his evil wings against people.. he also talons.. not as sharp as taphs claws tho. He’s sad about it.

- also has other bird features…. Hint hint,,,,, tail and bird sounds….

- literally everyone is his main lee or ler, nobody gets left out around here

—

LEE ;

- TICKLISH TUMMY!!!! and most importantly… TICKLISH WINGS!!!! YES!!! CHEERS!!!!!!

- can NOT stand tummy tickles, it makes him so hysterical that you think hes getting slaughtered

- his face and back wings are also stupidly ticklish, tries super hard to claim wings aren’t ticklish and they shouldn’t bother. But Taph #calls him out on his lies

- has a secret spot just below the arch of his foot that makes him BUCK. Builderman learned that the hard way

- squirms and bucks like crazy, wayy more crazy then builderman or taph, his energy has to be wasted in one way or another!

- annoys everyone from time to time. Which results in him getting absolutely tickled. Which he hates (loves)

- doesn’t mind what tickles he gets, rough or soft works perfectly for him

- coos and chirps like crazy, possibly the most unquiet person when tickled, his tail also flaps up and down

- adores cuddles as his chosen aftercare. makes his ler cuddle him for like. Long multiple hours

—

LER ;

- yeah. You already know where this is going

- EVIL. FUCKING EVIL DUDE. the most annoying man ever

- builderman is his main lee, shedletsky ADORES his giggles and reactions. Oh who knew the robot man was ticklish

- pulls his lees into evil hugs and traps them with his wings, tickle hugs are peak I say. Peak

- likes to gently skitter his fingers/talons up and down his lee’s sides. Just to see which one crack the easiest. He’s still attempting to test chances sides. But the boy will not let him

- nibbles and blows raspberries. Noob hates him. 007n7 hates him. Literally everyone hates this man for his nibbles. Scary

- will and has picked feathers off his wings for certain lees. But only does it if the lee wants it. Which is surprisingly builderman and 007n7

- laughs along with his lee. The most unserious but most chaotic ler imaginable

- cuddles, cuddles, and more cuddles, makes sure his lee is 100% okay after he’s done tickling them.

//

yeahhh thats about it. sorry I fucking dumped your request for like two and a half weeks. Bye why is my autocorrect telling me to correct something. Shut up I am not listening to you.

Anyways birdman shedletsky is canon. Who confirmed it? Me. Requests are also open so come and scream in my face if you want art or headcanons

edited because I forgot to add the other 5% for the ler percentage.. this is what happens when your brain is actively rotting. Also fixed a grammatical error somewhere I forgot

[nymphaeamoon]

♟️Lucanis Ted Talk 🐦‍⬛

Hello welcome to the hell that is my brain laying around not able to sleep with too many ideas but ADHD refusing to let me start them. Help me...

Anyways! I want to draw this scenario (if my dumb brain allows me) and how I wish I could write.

I'm a sloot for angst with happy endings or having proper communication with the good feels that follow.

Going through my third playthrough yes romancing Lucanis again my brain thought on a scenario: The first time Lucanis goes in for a kiss in the pantry room. I had originally brought Lucanis with me at all times. Every outing. As someone with ADHD I deal with Rejection Dysphoria. When he pulls away my Rook (de Riva) would be crushed. Absolutely. Not mad at all or upset with Lucanis in the slightest. It would be more a down spiral of what my Rook thinks she could have done wrong. Did she move to fast? Did she make him uncomfortable? Did she ruin it somehow? Overthinking. Even seeing him would physically hurt her chest. So, for the first time since forming this team she doesn't bring Lucanis with her as one of the party. Lucanis hears Rook is about to head out, gets himself ready, because he always goes with her. Only to walk to the eluvian room and see Rook leaving with Neve and Bellara. Telling everyone bye with a convincing smile and bright demeanor. She can't look at him. She can't... afraid of what she will see. Afraid her eyes would show her inner turmoil and the last thing she wants is to make him feel guilty or hurt him. With a parting wave she steps through the eluvian. Leaving the rest of the team, having no idea what has happened between the too, and Lucanis at the doors just standing there geared up having just assumed he would be at Rook's side like he always got to be.

How would Lucanis handle this? How would my Rook?

Anyways thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. I'll shut up now.

[literalite]

mistki's the land is inhospitable and so are we (2023)!! as edits featuring mine and some of my friends ocs 😁 had a lot of fun with this project... rough explainer of how/why each song corresponds to each character/s under the cut because i love symbolism and talking! sorry it is long

bug like an angel - sapphire

without spoiling too much of her story and arc... sapphire's life is not easy. she's hurt by people she cares for and who care for her, although inadvertently, and in turn hurts people who she cares for and who cared for her, also not by her own volition. it's kind of a terrible truth that you will harm and be harmed by the people you love, even when you and they truly don't want to. it's up to you how much you're willing to take and deal. you can't keep every promise you make and you can't right every wrong. but you have to keep trying anyway. that's sapphire's strength, and the core of her goodness and why i personally consider her one of my favourite ocs. i chose to depict bug like an angel in mitski's more positive interpretation here and in that light i think it works best for saph

buffalo replaced - heiya

well first and foremost the vibes of the song fits heiya perfectly fhgjk but also lyricism and tone... yep. quick breakdown of heiya's background since i doubt i'll ever be able to do it properly she's an interesting character for me because she like a lot of my other characters has lost. everything. she had a wife and a child and they were both killed and she had to leave her home again and again and unlike how some of my others would have taken this she has never flagged in her unwavering dedication to preserving hope. for herself for her people for the future etc etc. which is a very fucking difficult thing to do! the world changes faster than you can keep up with it sometimes but for heiya she will not let herself tire and be swept away in it all. people rely on her. she's a guiding star as much as she is a woman. she's a lover and a fighter and thats what buffalo replaced means to me! so

heaven - vinny and caleb

i feel like of all my oc couples so far they have like. the sweetest most kind of simply mutually trusting dare i say straight forward love. they just love each other so much and thats all. the world could end around them when theyre together and it'd be okay truly. also yeah vinny is ostensibly in heaven now bye angel i feel like this one was pretty self explanatory. me and who WHEN

i don't like my mind - sunny

he just like me fr (said in denji voice) anyways wow ha. unstoppable unending guilt due to past actions that haunt your every waking moment? throwing yourself into any and all distraction just to take your mind off it, filling your time with other shit so that past sin doesnt for once echo in your awful and hollow brain? this song is perfect for sunny honestly just that sentiment also the "please don't take this job from me".... sometimes the coping is worse. you can be proud of something because you can do it better than anyone else even if that thing is terrible

the deal - wolfgang munch by @gunthermunch

Wolfgang Amadeus Munch. umm this will make more sense later on but it still kind of makes sense now i think. he doesn't want to be himself he keeps . leaving and moving and running away from his own memories his own self in reaction to others. if he could pawn it all off he would. if he could be better in an instant without having to feel every agonising second of change he would! but thats not how the world works. or is it. read munch by gunthermunch thats an order

when memories snow - lilian

i feel the older you get the more your past kind of swells up and trails behind you... at least for lilian that is shes very linked to the different versions of the girl/young woman she used to be. for her its a double edged blade, a lot of her own strength is drawn from who she was and what happened to her throughout her life. they haunt her but she's haunting it back in her own way

my love mine all mine - saige, bellona, ari

stares you down okay so usage of this song very much almost verges into spoiler territory but uhm. uhm. starts twitching basically the whole dynamic here is . sometimes when you love you will sacrifice. and while that is usually a good thing sometimes it is not but sometimes it still is. sometimes you pay your dues for love and sometimes someone else has to pay for your love as well. and whether that is worth it to them remains to be seen. but it's all about love still. whether that's a worthy cause is up to you i suppose

the frost - yoshiki and hikaru from hikaru ga shida natsu

fun fact (or not so fun fact since i had it listed as such) this slot was originally meant to be taken up by a gojo/geto edit and while it still works for them frighteningly well i swerved to do another black and white haired doomed gay pairing gfhjkl; i really recommend yall to read hikaru ga shinda natsu/the summer that hikaru died because honestly it speaks for itself! it's SO good i love it so bad

star - ari and luca by @anjitrait

wow these two did not deserve the horrors the narrative (me) slammed down onto their heads. they're kind of the most married of all time to me but like of course under pressure even the strongest most loving of bonds will warp. they've been together for roughly a decade and a half now. they know and love each other as totally as you could possibly imagine. despite it all i am yours, no matter. are we picking up what i'm putting down chat

i'm your man - nayef and sióar by @lucidicer

after the album dropped like at least 3 people swung into my dms with a ?this you?? about this song which. i mean the fucking dogs that start barking halfway through the song. are you kidding me. but anyways sioyef and devotion. sioyef and putting yourself in your lover's hands and looking to them like they are a god. this is super self explanatory. you know

i love me after you - redacted and ophelia

HM.... all i'll say here is that sometimes the homoerotic tension filled high school friendship where both parties have something very wrong with them but in totally different directions can be. scarring. bad. sometimes love just isn't enough when you don't know what you're meant to do with it and when you've lived in survival mode all your life. but that once the dust clears you can scrape yourself off the ground get up keep going and that isn't gonna be the end for you there. or for love, even. sometimes shit just ain't meant to be and thats ok

[teecupangel]

Hi teecup, I hope ur having a great day/noon/night!

Forgive me if the things i'm about to say don't make much sense. It's been a vey, very, very, difficult time for me and my countrymen here, and my ability to make coherent sentences have declined drastically. So, yeah... BUT! That doesn't matter haha.

Anyways, I had a thought. And i'm not even sure how or why i got it but.... hear me out now...

Our boy, Desmond, gets thrown back in time as usual, same old same old, right? Exept, this time he doesn't end up in the Big Three™'s time-line. He ends up in Al-Mualim's time. *insert mind-blown emoji here cuz i can't find it rn*

And ik that i'm not a certified AC Expert like u and many others, and i haven't really finished any of the AC games yet (i've only seen bits of AC III and have only started AC 2, I also haven't finished AC 1)

But I do know that he wasn't really that creepy and evil in his youth/ b4 he became The Old Man of the Moutain, so i was thinking maybe Desmond ends up in that era of Al Mualim or is it Rashid al-Din Sinan? I know that he's based on a real historical figure but i'm not so sure if he's called that in-game?

And knowing Desmond, he'd probably get the urge to kill Rashid (i hope i'm using the name correctly) the time he figures shit out and connect that dots. But he would end up not doing that, cuz u know, it might fuck up the time-line and Altaïr might end up not being born, creating a domino-effect.

I want Desmond to meet Rashid before he starts to becom the Al Mualim we know today, so that Desmond can see how he was b4 the evants of AC 1.

Maybe Rashid's an arrogant ass, or a nerdy loser, or a popular assassin- who knows! The possibilites are endless!! (or maybe he's an obsessive bastard who gets obsessed with Desmond cuz he's just full of mysteries and wonders :Dc )

And blah blah blah, plot here, plot there, Isu-bullshit this, time shenanigans that, and BOOM they meet.

And romance ensues? :3 (romace wil absolutely ensue :}}} )

NOW, BEFORE- BEFORE YOU TIE ME TO A STAKE AND BURN ME ALIVE FOR THIS- i think it'd be a cute idea, and who knows? maybe Rashid was hot in his prime *insert lenny face cuz even after all these years i still don't know how to type it and is too lazy to cop paste it* and maybe he liked to solve mysteries and had a thing for the unexplainable. And Desmond is the most unexplainable, most bizarre thing to have graced the earth :33333.

Now that i've got this idea out of my system i'm gonna go pray for the down fall of my coutry's shit for brain, good for nothing military government/hj.

bye! *evaporates*

I hope you’re doing alright and I’m sorry that it took two months before I could answer your ask TTATT

As far as I know, he was only called Al Mualim because of legal reasons but Rashid ad-Din Sinan was the leader of the Assassins in Masyaf during 1191 so it’s safe to assume Al Mualim is AC’s version of Rashid (historically he died in 1193, not 1191.

.

Okay. We can make this work.

We put Desmond at around the same time he’s the recruit and we make it hard for him to realize he’s Al Mualim until it’s too late by doing one simple thing:

Desmond doesn’t know Al Mualim’s real name.

He always knew it as Al Mualim. As far as he knew, Al Mualim was his actual name.

Then he remembered that Al Mualim can mean mentor and bangs his head on the nearest flat surface.

His mission has been clear from the start.

Become an Assassin, take out Al Mualim before he does shit, find Umar and adopt him then play matchmaker so Altaïr would be born.

And no.

Desmond wasn’t going to think about the whole “can you truly be sure that the person who will be born will be Altaïr if you change the circumstances of his conception?”

Yeah.

His head hurts just thinking about it so he won’t.

For now, he’ll focus on his training while keeping a look out for anyone who gives of Al Mualim vibes.

What’s the Al Mualim vibes?

Manipulative old man vibes.

The problem is…

Rashid is one of the recruits in the same batch as Desmond and he becomes Desmond’s closest friend.

And there was no way Desmond would ever be friends with a future power hungry asshole like Al Mualim.

No way.

.

The way their relationship becomes romantic really depends on the kind of personality young Rashid would have.

A nerdy loser who starts making a name for himself because of his intelligence and tactical mind would start off as the kid Desmond sorta looks after. When he starts to show that his strength lies in making plans and quick judgments, he becomes the man whispering on Desmond’s ear. Providing plans and suggestions while giving Desmond a heads up on the less savory words people say about him. Desmond would never think this Rashid is Al Mualim because he’s nice and truly do want to help Desmond. This is also how Rashid would show his love for Desmond and, really, Desmond would think they’re bros and when he realizes that Rashid actually loves him, he’d think “oh, I am Ezio’s descendant”

An arrogant ass Rashid would butt heads with Desmond but Desmond would find himself fond of the man because he reminds him of AC1 Altaïr. This is the Rashid who would definitely be counted as a tsundere and their relationship would start when Rashid just flatout tells Desmond that he wants to do unspeakable things to him while they’re arguing. Desmond is offended because “tugging on my pigtails doesn’t work in real life, dumbass!” and Rashid is just “???” because what the fuck are pigtails??? Lots of awkwardness until Desmond realize that butting heads with Rashid is really how they flirt.

Now. Popular Assassin Rashid is more on the side of polite but is absolutely Desmond’s rival. Whatever it is, the two of them are always competing. Unlike the arrogant ass version, this Rashid is always nice to Desmond. The whole “no hard feelings” and pure competitiveness are what drives their relationship. This is the one where the two of them spar privately one time and things happen. They would try to distant themselves from one another for a bit until they finally talk it out. Rashid honestly didn’t think he loved Desmond until the whole ‘after-sparring’ thing.

Whichever you pick as Rashid’s background, he will become obsessed with Desmond but it’s more on the side of “I will do everything to make Desmond happy” which is good for Desmond but not really good for anyone against him.

.

Desmond is the one who adopts Umar in this one and Umar imprints on him like a baby duckling to a mama duckling. Everyone actually assumed Umar is his bastard son. Desmond ignores it even though he’s only like… a decade and a half older than Umar.

Rashid definitely treats him like Desmond’s son. He’s Umar’s favorite of all of Desmond’s friends.

And really, Desmond should have seen that as a hint of Rashid’s ‘future’.

Speaking of the future.

He’s been looking for Al Mualim this entire time and he has his suspects (Rashid, however, is not on the list) but honestly?

He’s just waiting for the person who would be picked as the one to lead the expansion to Masyaf since that would be Al Mualim.

Desmond has, unfortunately, fucked up the timeline so badly that the person chosen to lead the expansion?

It was Desmond.

.

Sidebar: Faheem would be that cute younger brother who turns grumpy when he grows up. Desmond will forever grieve the lost of little cute Faheem. Faheem is always embarrassed when Desmond talked about his ‘past’.

[satcrvz]

CHAPTER SIX: EMOTIONAL SUPPORT DOG

navi

"what do i wear?" you ask holding up two sweatshirts that nearly looked identical.

nobara huffs before responding, "please just pick one, they look the same babe"

"i can't! am i overthinking? i'm definitely overthinking". you decide to go with the sweatshirt you were holding in your right hand. nobara calls out to you from her room, "he's literally seen you at your worst!"

you assume that she's referring to when you first saw him, when you found out that he existed. that wasn't my worst moment i was cute for a girl in pajamas.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

you and yuuji are almost to your destination, "you know you sounded like rapunzel asking to see the lanterns when you asked me to drive you"

"oh my god shut up i did not" you say in between giggles. he makes the final turn and there you are, yuta's house.

"oh you're just going to drop me off on the curb like i'm a whore" you say while unbuckling your seatbelt.

only his left hand is on the steering wheel and his head turns very slowly to look at you, "you want me to walk you to the door like i'm dropping you off for a playdate?"

"yeah kinda," you pause to open your door and hop out "it'd be rude if you didn't stop and say hi". the minute you heard him sigh, you knew you'd won.

you greeting yuta was a blur, you can't even remember what stupid shit you did because of your nerves. all you remember was a holy shit you muttered when you saw the entry way, to call it nice was an understatement.

currently, you were sitting criss crossed on the floor with yuta to the left of you. "so wait, you have all the games?"

"yeah! you could play the resident evil 4 remake since it's still kind of trending?" he stares at you and there's a short moment of silence before he continues, "only if you want to though, you'll have the controller, not me".

you give him a reassuring smile, "yeah that's fine! beware I am going to die though". he laughs and you swear its the cutest thing you've ever heard "it's okay, i can walk you through it" shutupshutup oh my god i'm going to scream.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

"wait why are they jumping him. just make friends with them duh”

“yn, you have to fight back” the stress was very adamant in his tone. "i can't. i wasn't paying attention when they gave instructions. . ." you glance over to the chat to see a mix of yours and yuta's fans laughing at you.

he reaches over to grab the controller from your hands, but not without "accidentally" ghosting over both of your hands holding the controller.

you watched the screen and took an occasional glance at the stream. you figured you should probably figure out what buttons he's pressing, so you look down at his hands which were actually quite nice. no dirt under them, hang nails, or anything else, it almost made you forget why you looked over at them.

"there", he says while handing the controller back to you. "dude where the fuck did you go?" you'd ended up in a completely different spot from where you initially were. "hey, i put you on the right path. you ran like, too far from where you were actually supposed to be"

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

"okay guys! i think that's it for today my back is starting to hurt, and i'm sick of someone criticizing me" you're staring directly at the chat while you say this.

"i wasn't criticizing! i mean i was, but it was helpful" he continues, "this is our first time hanging out and you're already trying to get rid of me"

"whatever. anyways bye guys!" you say while ending the stream. you bring both hands up and behind your head to stretch

"i'm hungry, i think i'm going to text yuuji to come get me"

"you don't have to, i can take you back and stop and get something, if thats okay with you?"

teehee... do we like?

my brain was cooking but my fingers were not. do y'all fw ihop? i might make ihop the stop.

didn’t proofread this 😭

tags: @saesofficialwife @k4romis @soy-garbage @sakyira @dreamxiing @swissy23 @shnzies @captaincyberqueen @fantasycantasy @chuyasthighs0 @mixzimi @milza12 @nahoye @spookyrule @4phskingdom @sad-darksoul @morgyyyyyy @smashingdollz @bubbles-the-ghost @lunavixia @gaychaosgremlin @jayathelostdragon