#anyways i feel bad about posting this!!! feel like its going to be interpreted as implying shit i don’t mean!!

[spearxwind]

Thinking about the time i commissioned an artist i rly liked for something and the result was kind of really catastrophic just from the preview image in the email so i just. never opened the actual image

[samsspambox]

To keep up appearances, the Church pushed an arranged marriage on his father when he was eight. He wasn’t a legitimate child after all. He was nothing more than a bastard in their eyes.

He couldn’t get out of that family quick enough and the second he was able to, he cut himself off from that web. Even if that meant leaving his little half-sister whom he held no ill will towards.

--

or alternatively: vyn has a half-sibling due to Svartan politics. and maybe, just maybe, that sibling wanted out too.

HI HELLO this is what i've been working on for a couple of days now and i hope yall will enjoy this AU <3

[zanathan-aisling]

people who claim trans men are part of an ‘oppressor class’ to trans women despite facing their own marginalizations are. what the fuck are you talking about. have you ever actually seen the cissexist hierarchies of society outside your little maths of “well trans men are men and trans women are women and men oppress women!!” ever. how much fucking insulation are you smoking to earnestly believe that The Patriarchy is willing on any notably widespread capacity to overlook someones transness for the sake of granting them ~male privilege~ over the *other* filthy transsexuals.

[dyketubbo]

babygirl i have so many more bitchy opinions about this fandom that even my blog followers dont hear about

[writingwithcolor]

Author with cultural disconnect: How do I write without making it seem as if I hate my own heritage?

Anonymous asked:

I’m a white-passing Asian author, and I’ve never felt all that connected with my heritage. My current story centers on a fairy (re: fantasy-world POC) child and ends with her realizing that her parents are toxic af and her human best friend’s family takes her in. This is the perfect opportunity to sort through my own issues with my heritage and finally convince my monkey-brain that it’s okay to not know how to cook Vietnamese food or celebrate tet or speak Vietnamese… But I also realize that if I’m not careful, this could easily slip into “Hey, I hate my heritage and so should you!” So how can I stop that from happening?

Writing for yourself first, not an audience

I ask you a simple question: why put pressure on yourself to have any sort of non-offensive messaging for a story that hasn’t been drafted yet and is to convince your monkey brain it’s okay to exist as yourself?

That seems like the fastest way to stop the story from being actually cathartic and instead a performance art piece when you already feel hung up on performing as “properly” part of your culture.

As I said in Working Through Identity Issues and Other Pitfalls of Representation, not all stories you write need to be for public consumption. Especially stories you’re using for your own self-processing and therapy, because you’re trying to get a cathartic moment that is rewriting your own story.

At what point does the public need to be involved in that?

I do understand the compulsion to want to post—I have definitely posted some Questionable™ material in my drive to get validation for feeling the way I do, wanting people to witness me and say “same.” It’s a powerful urge. Sometimes it’s worked, but most of the time it’s just made me feel horrifically exposed.

But you really do not have to post in public to get any sort of validation. Set up a groupchat with friends if you want the cheerleading and witnessing—people who will know your story and give you good-faith interpretations and won’t accuse you of anything. Honestly I’d suggest setting up this groupchat anyway; as someone who just got one again after quite a few years without it, my productivity has skyrocketed from being around supportive people.

Let the monkey brain have its monkey brain moment and shut off the concept the story is for the public. Shut off the concept of performing for an unknown audience. It’s for you. Be authentic, no matter how bad it would look to outsiders. They’re not reading it. Part of getting catharsis, sometimes, is being the worst version of yourself, somewhere nobody else can see it.

Deciding to publish the work

If, after you do write it, you find that you actually do want to polish it up and put it somewhere… edit it. Rewrite it entirely if that’s what it takes. Take the story through the same drafting process every story needs to go through, ripping out the unfortunate implications as you go.

Editing can be its own form of healing, as you try to figure out what this character would need to not be hateful. As you realize, once this longform journal entry is out of your head, what was bothering you now that you can see it pinned down on a page. But you absolutely do not need to write with the intention of editing in that healing. When I’ve tried, it’s fallen flat.

The healing will come from being yourself, no public involved, and writing about your feelings in their rawest form. Anything else is extra.

There’s no point in trying to put guard rails on the drafting process, not for a deeply personal piece. And by the time that drafting process is done, you’ll likely have specific scenarios and contexts that you can ask about, and you might even have ideas on how to fix it yourself once the story has a shape to it.

This is 100% a situation where there’s no real sense in idea workshopping something in the plotting stage. You’re doing something for you. Decide if it’s for public consumption later (while acknowledging “no” is a perfectly valid answer), and only figure out how to make the story not overtly harmful if you decide to put it out into the public.

~ Leigh

[gabrielsbubblegumbitch]

DROP YOUR DX FOR VOX !!!!! Please and thank you.

I would like to preface all my posts on headcanons related to psychology and mental illness with a disclaimer: diagnosing mental conditions, especially personality disorders, can be extremely challenging. It's a complicated process that relies heavily on a psychologist's interpretation of facts, making it susceptible to biases. Personality disorders cannot be diagnosed based on surface-level observations and are not just labels that we can assign to people like in the case of MBTI. Additionally, I am not a clinician with any expertise in diagnosing people. Therefore, the following post should not be taken as a reliable professional opinion. It's simply my interpretation of the internal mechanisms that may be responsible for the behavior of certain characters in my fan fiction. Furthermore, I want to make it clear that I have no intention of stigmatizing people with personality disorders by associating them with villains. A personality disorder does not determine someone's character or make them a bad person. Some characters may be evil because of the choices they make, not as a result of their mental conditions.

(I've already posted some stuff here so I'm not going to repeat myself.)

Okay, so, Vox has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). It's crucial to distinguish this from "common narcissism" (people often described as "narcissists" by others just because they are egotist assholes; kinda ableist, you shouldn't do it because it's extremely stigmatizing towards people suffering with actual NPD) . While those individuals typically function well, those with NPD exhibit all the traits – grandiosity, egocentrism, attention-seeking, intense power fantasies – but as it's a disorder, these traits lead to inflexible and maladaptive patterns of behavior and cognition.

NPD has its roots in intense feelings of shame, low self-compassion, and self-loathing. In my interpretation, Vox has always felt inadequate. His father inherited an enormous amount of money, establishing a media conglomerate in the 20's. Vox's mother, captivated by the world of movies, used them to escape her reality as a trophy wife. Despite her dreams of becoming an actress, Vox's father, possessive and protective, prevented her entry into the entertainment industry. As a compromise, he made their son a child actor, with the condition that it would be temporary. When Vox grew older, he was expected to transition to learning business and other skills, ultimately to take over the family's empire.

So, Vox was never enough for either of his parents. His father thought of him as annoying and unserious due to his talkativeness and exaggerated behaviors, attributing it to growing up surrounded by actors. As for his mother... Vox turned out to be a terrible actor, struggling to convey emotions that weren't bombastic and over-the-top. Being a teenager is humiliating enough, but imagine being a teenager bad at something and forced to do it for a worldwide audience, when the whole production crew is annoyed with you. Fortunately, he grew up to be devilishly handsome (not to be a simp, I just believe someone must be handsome to endure the ethereal punishment of having their face swapped for a TV screen) and entertaining, leading them to make him a TV host and media personality.

Anyway, NPD is all about creating a perfect self and projecting it to the world when you're deeply ashamed of your true self. It means that, no matter what you're doing, you're constantly concerned about how it looks to other people. You constantly play an exhausting game, trying to win gold stars of social admiration for every-fucking-thing, guided by superficial ideals of wealth, perfection, beauty, and, above all, power. One reason Alastor's existence bothers Vox so much is the fact that he cannot comprehend the idea of someone choosing radio over his "objectively better and correct" medium. Vox lacks the ability to understand nuanced sentiments, which ironically makes him thrive in Hell. In this anarchocapitalist, lawless society, survival of the fittest prevails, and this is a game he excels at playing.

Generally, the best approach for individuals with NPD is to pull them out of delusional thinking by confronting their beliefs about the world and themselves with reality (it should be performed by qualified therapist, especially when someone hasn't completed any kind of therapeutic process yet). However, in Hell, Vox's behavior was no longer in violation of social norms; on the contrary, it was highly rewarded. Consequently, he completely lost his shit, became unhinged, and began acting on all his previously suppressed urges. He finally fulfilled all narcissistic power fantasies and became (almost) untouchable. Now, he's ready to kill anyone who questions him, seeing it as threatening to his fragile image of the perfect self.

He exhibits strong bipolar tendencies. Most of the time, he's power-tripping in a semi-maniacal state. Periodically, he undergoes deep, depressive episodes, locking himself up in his apartment and avoiding interaction.

Constantly guarding this fragile image of the perfect self that he built is exhausting. The bigger this image gets, the more fragile it becomes, like a house of cards. And guarding it becomes more and more exhausting. But there's nothing scarier than the idea of the facade falling apart and people seeing him as he is: imperfect and vulnerable, damaged and ashamed, rotten and evil. Deep down, he knows he's unlovable, and it hurts. He knows that true love exists; he craves this ultimate form of admiration and devotion, but it requires vulnerability and honesty, which he's not capable of. He's only vulnerable with Valentino, and only occasionally when he's intoxicated or when Val fucks every last thought out of his body. He's very much a controlling top insecure about his masculinity, so the latter happens rarely.

Also, drugs. Oh, do this man enjoy some coke. Other drugs and booze, not so much; they make him feel less in control. But getting coked up, going out, causing a scene, killing some poor souls, and relishing this feeling of being completely untouchable? Feels so good.

When it comes to Alastor, he hates him because he's jealous. Despite all his efforts—building a perfect persona, a perfect company, perfect entertainment—this stinky, outdated, and boring radio demon gets so much attention and admiration that should be his. Moreover, he feels that Alastor can see right through his bullshit. He's so paranoid about it that he's almost certain Alastor knows about his childhood traumas, about his death, about all his truths, and could one day broadcast it for all people of Hell to hear. So, he needs him dead.

Note: these headcanons (especially Vox's past) are very important part of my fanfiction. Please feel free to use them in your fics but I'll appreciate if you tag me 🩷

Velvette hc | Valentino hc | Vees + Angel hc | VoxVal hc

[loopy-calico]

Sun analysis !!

had some thoughts after i read this tsams confessions post about Sun and how it doesn't feel like he has bonded with his family outside of Moon. you should probably read that first bc i'll be quoting it.

so here's a bit of a (completely lowercase) rant on some of the (in-universe) reasons why i think that might be

'-seeing your entire family grieving over someone [solar] who didn't really give the same amount of love to you as they did to them'

yet sun still acted extremely upset after solar died, which is understandable, but i think has deeper meaning than just 'oh he's sad because he was close to solar (he wasn't) and then watched him die'

it could be an extension of the grieving he never got to do after old moon and lunar died

acting more distraught than he really is makes him fit in more with the rest of his family, who all were close to solar and are deeply affected

he did watch solar die so, that does contribute

not to say he wasn't upset about solar dying! or shouldn't be! it's just that he didn't really...know solar. or talk to him. they never once connected. so why would he be as upset as he is?

'How Sun just leaves, and Lunar, Earth, and Monty go off to grieve without him.'

i think this comes from how him and old moon never talked about their problems. if they felt bad, they had to suck it up and deal with it alone-- after all, you wouldn't want to burden your already stressed out brother with your insignificant problems!

sun and old moon followed that pattern for long enough that it's nature to sun now: he can't be emotional around his siblings, he's not supposed to. it's why he leaves once earth and lunar are going off to properly grief.

'When he speaks to them, he doesn't know what to say or how to respond most of the time. It sometimes sounds like he is talking to a complete stranger.'

sun and old moon were tremendously codependent. they were so close. concerningly so. sometimes, it felt as if they had zero connections outside of each other:

they spent the first years of their life in the same body, together 24/7. after that, they still live and work in the same place, once again being together 24/7. at the start of the show, it seems as if moon doesn't talk to anyone outside of sun, and that sun rarely talked to anyone else; monty and roxy, sure, but they're relationships with sun weren't great, either.

even once lunar rolled around, sun and old moon only believed they could truly trust each other. they were each other's purpose.

sun will never have that amount of a bond, or those intimate of experiences, with anyone else. sun only talked to old moon for so. long. how can he learn to talk to anyone else, if they're not him?

'-said he’s in the best mental state he’s been in a while, but sitting alone in your house just seems extremely lonely.'

old moon would get annoyed with sun easily. sun was anxious and felt the need to check up on moon a lot, make sure he wasn't doing anything that hurt him-- but moon never liked it. he got snappish.

sun and old moon's conversations went better when old moon initiated them.

sun is too afraid to try initiating affection with his siblings anymore. after all, what if they get annoyed? they have real things they're dealing with, what if he's just bothering them? not just with his problems, but with wanting to talk at all?

why even try if it'll probably end up bad anyway?

(BY THE WAY THIS IS JUST MY INTERPRETATION. NOT TRYING TO SAY ITS CANON OR ANYTHING.)

[charcubed]

I NEEEED people—especially those with unfathomably large platforms???—to start doing just a tiny bit of internal evaluation before they log onto a blue website and say “I don’t want these queer characters to fuck in canon” or “I’d be fine if these characters never kissed again” or whatever.

This is a post about Good Omens and the prospect of Aziraphale and Crowley potentially having sex in season 3. It's a response to a tweet that I'm crossposting, but let it be known the above statement and this topic applies broadly across multiple fandoms too.

But anyway, in regards to Good Omens specifically:

I am seeing this take that essentially boils down to "Canon has now made it clear that these characters want to have sex with each other through subtext (i.e. Aziraphale and the ox), but I don’t want that to reach narrative completion because the idea of them having sex makes me uncomfortable or isn’t my personal preference” and it is, to put it mildly and delicately, A Very Bad Take.

This is rhetorical (and I do not expect or particularly want an answer), but: explain to me how and why queer characters who are unavoidably visibly queer (aka 2 "man-shaped beings") fucking on screen wouldn’t be a net positive, especially when you can indicate how canon has set it up.

Presumably, some people say things like this because ~they want to see them as visibly ace.~ Okay. But by some of these people’s own admission, there IS more evidence in canon now to indicate these characters crave sex with each other (vs arguing otherwise)... yet people would rather that be ignored/erased all for the sake of them feeling comfortable or feeling better about what canon shows or doesn’t show explicitly??

I’m sorry, but—speaking as an ace person, to be clear—your personal preferences for the story shouldn’t / don’t affect anything here. There’s too much in this.

Yeah, I understand on a personal level not having “representation.” I almost never see myself or my unique experiences and identity reflected in stories. And yet, I also understand that that doesn’t change any story or the world in which we live. Things like this are not said in a vacuum.

Any queer characters having sex on screen IS a net positive. It is rare and impactful, and openly calling for or hoping for otherwise when canon points to its potential is a detrimental alliance with purity culture, whether intentionally or accidentally. Because we live in a Goddamn society!

Who knows (other than Neil Gaiman) whether Aziraphale and Crowley ARE going to fuck on international TV. None of us do! But the subtext right now blatantly says they’re starving for it. And you don’t have to like the prospect of that, but honestly? We SHOULD get to see it play out. There’s no truly legitimate reason we shouldn’t ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Whether you "prefer" it or not.

And my ultimate hot take is… if someone balks at the idea of that or doesn’t understand the importance of it, despite even seeing the subtext… then they should perhaps unpack that? Just a thought.

Truly the way fandoms are managing to hit either “subtext doesn’t count :/ ” or “let’s keep it to subtext so it’s ‘open to interpretation’ :) ” nowadays depending on what corner one visits is MADDENING. Whiplash-inducing. Surreal. And so much nonsense you can’t pick where to start.

So! I do genuinely hope I'm not kicking off discourse but I felt this Needed To Be Said (and on more than one site). Because posts like “even if they never kiss again, we’ve won <3 “ make me want to be like…

These characters are YEARNING. Do not doom them and us to it. For once, we can reach for the stars and maybe–against all odds–pull them down. Embrace it!

---

[Update: after more discourse has occurred, I have somewhat elaborated on this further, from the POV of the significance of the queer themes in Good Omens and more specifically how they center illicit pleasure/desire]

[taeiris]

okay guys here’s my crazy unsupported st5 theory that is mostly just me projecting my need for madwheeler bonding and drama and angst also byler duh

disclaimers: i never make theories so this is extremely messy probably, i know jack dookie abt writing shows i think of this as my own little version of what i would think would be very cool to happen, if this has loop holes dont ask me anything bc idk either

OKAY LETS GET ON IT

so first things first here is what i am taking into consideration for the theory to happen:

• mike pov, self reflection and introspection (he is gay and in love with will byers okay)

• madwheeler bonding, theyre both complex n misunderstood

• the upside down isnt just one dimension, i came up with this bc of how different the ud looks now

compared to when henry arrived.

to me theres like an umbrella dimension (yellow one) and others under it (blue one/hawkins ud, the void, etc)

this is also lowkey supported by the silly boobie diagram the writers posted abt

OKAY PREPARE FOR THE WORD VOMIT

in this silly theory of mine, a new dimension variant of the ud will be revealed in season 5, serving as a parallel to the void. this is where max is

OKAY another thing is this is also heavily based on those “leaks” that were going around twitter (for me at least) earlier when the strike first started. i remember a few of them claiming that we would get a deeper insight into mike and his own things, so this is my interpretation

this would serve as another vanishing, not really bc its shorter, but this time mike will be getting stuck in this other dimension, eventually finding max BOOM madwheeler serve

i mean look at them. the potential is insane

ANYWAYS

this dimension is like a combo of all the other ones, picture it like the hawkins ud, with the void’s wet floor maybe

lets go back to the fact max is here, this is her coma nightmare, its like this purgatory dimension vecna put her soul in

in this dimension inhabit your ghosts

this overwhelming, haunting, tormenting realm in your mind where you are constantly confronting all your bad memories, maybe this is kind of how vecna keeps max under his grasp, no happy memories allowed

okay so, mike gets there. how? when? i dont fucking know this is honestly just word vomit fanfiction to me

at first hes confused, scared but mostly confused, picture him screaming for wills name (the parallels) at first it’s empty and eerily quiet, but as he accepts it, the ghosts start coming in.

he gets BOMBARDED with these bad memories, some of them he cant even remember because come on, bro is always neglecting his internalized feelings/monologue in fear of what they say about him

this is where we get his pov on the whole will and eleven situation, amongst other things (like the way he’s constantly stressed thinking about the safety of the people he loves)

for a moment we see him break, bc these ghosts are LOUD and MANY

but it stops

max is here, she’s like “MIKE?”

“MAX?”

shes been here for a fat minute, she knows how to handle these ghosts in fact shes been going thru them one by one ever since, because shes done hiding. and she suspects that the only way to get out is by confronting them.

max saves mike from his ghosts, explains that this place is seemingly a purgatory with levels of memories and ghosts to overcome

this is how we get our madwheeler bonding we so graciously need, as they are part of eachother ghosts since theyre so similar it makes the other mad

this is how our complex misunderstood characters are broken down, explained to the audience, while also discovering the mystery that is this new dimension where at the finish line they might just figure out how to defeat vecna.

because they will

after overcoming the ghosts they find the place that vecna didnt think they would reach as he was so sure they would break and collapse on their own madness

think of it as how el found the source in season 3

or how max found vecnas lair after running away in dear billy

except this place is vecnas actual mind, they can see hear and feel what vecna is thinking, his plans and everything

mike wonders how will feels being able to feel this all the time

will feels this all the time

will is always connected to this piece of vecnas mind, to this source

he can always hear vecna

until he suddenly hears max… and mike and theyre calling for help

theyve figured out key clues on how to defeat vecna, and they have an idea on how to get out. this is how will’s connection comes in handy

mind walkie-talkie

maybe thats what this theory should be called, idk

-

so thats how we get our byler confirmation, madwheeler bonding like never before, mike focus, and the key to defeat vecna

at least in my head

i know this was messy and all over the place but it was very fun to explain and drop all my thoughts ive been vomiting on the gc for months now

let me know what you think, what you would add, if theres anything you think will support this theory?

its all just a theory, for fun! pls keep that in mind

thank you if you’ve read this far🫶

[jahiera]

omg your tags on that last rb? i want to know your Exact thoughts on That dialogue in the scene right after astarion and tav get together because it is so interesting to me 👀

***WRITTEN DURING EA

Okay hi yes, I do indeed have some thoughts. Fair disclaimer that this is just my interpretation! I've only been playing the game for a few days technically, so this is all my first impulse in terms of characterization and influenced by my own path, so! Other interpretations will also be super interesting to read about. Also, obviously, we don't have the full cut, whatever comes out in 2 weeks will come out in 2 weeks. Anyways! Overanalyzing this little bastard's dialogue below.

Okay, this affectionate ribbing was referencing this dialogue here where you can comment on Astarion not being totally "present" post-party sex. Sorry this took me a second to respond to, I wanted to grab the screens for this:

(screencaps of subtitles that read:

Astarion: That's what you want, isn't it? To lose yourself in me?

(new scene) Astarion: You sleep light. I thought you'd be exhausted after last night

Tav: Did you enjoy it? It felt like you weren't fully there.

Astarion: I was holding back a little, it's true. I didn't want to lose control.

To preface this, Astarion's arc is clearly dealing with the push/pull of power and control, one's personal agency (and how it can be taken away), and what happens when an individual reclaims power after for a very long time being without that power. He's endured god-knows-what for 200 years, giving glimpses of his former life, the torture under Cazador, the things he had to do for Cazador (which, included at least finding Cazador's meals through likely charm and seduction, without his own say in the matter.) Now he's out, he's free, he's experiencing the world for the first time basically (as he remarks on in ambient dialogue a lot: everything looks different. Click on a globe and he'll say something along the lines of having never seen the world, but there's time now.) Stating all of that is necessary to me because I think whatever's going on in his terrible brain is several factors all kind of thrown into one; some factors good, some bad, some neutral, some questionable; again, just my interpretation of him, but.

OKAY. Now that that's out of the way. The first interpretation of this scene (and the sex scene in general in its limited capacity: since we don't have eyes on the cinematic.) we can have is the obvious one: you two had a great night, Astarion is being upfront, he simply didn't want to lose control, nothing else here to look at. It's fantasy sex and it's simply good fun.

(The rest is under a cut. Sorry, this kind of turned into a meta Astarion and Sex and all of that? Anyways. CW for a bit of discussion about sexuality + trauma + implications of lack of consent.)

But Do I Believe It's That Simple? Not Really.

On one side, I do think Astarion is genuine in his pursuing of Tav, of sex, of good times and pleasure: he's been locked away for 200 years and now he's traipsing around in mud (a novelty), which might not be ideal, but he can still enjoy the thrill of that too, looks for what's in it for him, what feels good, etc. in all of the circumstances he finds himself in. There's a kind of subdued wonder from him about the world at large; remarks on craving the sun while you're in the Underdark, of experiencing the world, and I think he really is rushing around relishing the freedom as much as he can. And since of course he can reject you, he's not doing anything he doesn't want to do. In short: "simple pleasures," have eluded him under Cazador's thumb, and good sex with someone that you're into is likely just one more of those things he hasn't really gotten to do in ... [checks notes] 200 years.

But I don't think that's the only thing going on in this scene. The fact that the dialogue specifically notes a kind of distance from him feels relevant (since, if they wanted us to think it was all seamless good fun, they could've left it as is.) And the thing is, Astarion. is a big fucking liar.

When he wants to brush aside his dream to Tav, he'll simply say he had some naughty dream and brush it off--which we later find out was a lie ("that's what we call a lie, darling.") and his dreams have actually been about Cazador. Again, only relevant because the first thing Astarion reaches for when he wants to obfuscate the truth is lying through charm, or lying through witty barbs, and when pushed, turns into outright snappy aggression. Saying that the only thing on his mind was the hunger is an easy solution to reach for; maybe it's not even quite wrong, that likely was also an aspect of it! But.

His general .. quick sleazy flirting doesn't come out of nowhere. He uses it liberally, and with everyone, in his Evil Twink Fashion. Can flirt with half the camp at one point or another in environmental dialogue (specifically gets shut down by Shadowheart and Gale, humiliatingly.. the secondhand embarrassment there oh boy.) How much of that he learned while under Cazador's thumb, having to manipulate and charm for Cazador, sexualizing situations where he did not actually have full say and consent in the circumstances, is unknown to us, but can be inferred as not negligible. It's his default state. Charm and persuasion and trickery spell safety, as does disguising any kind of weakness. Disguising his weakness poorly, mind, because he obviously has several moments of raw vulnerability you can get even without his romance being initiated.

I think his current mental state here is a combination of that; of lying to disguise whatever raw state is beneath, unearthed by having simply... some good fun with someone, not out of servitude to Cazador, not to flirt or cajole to protect his own skin, but yet one more thing that's been denied to him (and, possibly, albeit we can only guess at this, not claiming it as canon, forced on him unwantedly) over the last 200 years. But he and Tav here aren't close, close yet, and when Tav tries to push (via talking about the scars on his back), Astarion clams up quite quickly, moving on from the discussion as soon as possible. So whatever is under the minor half-truth of "losing control," isn't open to us yet; we've really just met in the grand scheme of things.

We don't know yet what sex means to Astarion; he hasn't really elaborated beyond the obvious. But, I think, given his behavior, his casual flirtiness, his "You want to lose yourself in me," (another line I can squawk about endlessly in terms of character analysis), sexuality (actual sex or simply sexualization) can be as much a means of securing safety, control, coercion, power, and pinpointing weakness. It's also something he can clearly also desire wholeheartedly and with no ulterior motives involved; and I think this moment shows that, and he's grappling with it uncomfortably, what this means for him, one more thing that he can reclaim for himself. He craves something real, I think, and he's only just now beginning to form a real identity outside of what Cazador did to him, and how Cazador haunts him.

Pursuing something like this is one more step in that direction. Unlearning these gut impulses to lie and deceive and charm his way with Tav is probably what we're going toward, given his glimpse of a reaction to a hug. Whatever else Astarion has to work through in regards to intimacy is up in the air, but there's clearly a lot more going on beneath his fairly shallow veneer of charm and flirtatiousness.

(Which. Can we just have the option to hug him as a casual dialogue option? Please?)

[suniloli]

BOILING POINT p1

12 Dec 2023

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x fem!reader (and a bit of Rick Grimes x fem!reader if you so interpret it that way)

Word Count: 1.76K

Warnings: Swearing, sexual innuendo

Setting: Prison

Summary: Your tumultuous relationship with Daryl has come to a head. You try to internalise why things have changed between you two. Will things go back to the way they were?

Author Note: This one sort of came to me out of the blue. Wanted to change it up a bit and challenge myself…was also thinking of starting a series, but I’m pretty sure I won't be able to keep up with regular posting etc because I procrastinate a fair bit. Anyways, there’s a lot of dialogue, and not a lot of Daryl x reader interaction yet. Hope the progression of things makes sense!  - Sól

“What the fuck’s wrong with you?”

“Nothin’! You’re just a good fer nothin’ bitch!” 

“How DARE you!” You screamed back at Daryl. “Get the FUCK out of my face!”

“FINE!” He spat as he stalked towards the prison’s gates. 

“What a prick…” you angrily rumbled. You could feel your blood reaching its boiling point. Your body felt like a furnace.

Clenching your fists, you resorted to murmuring not-so-nice things while pacing the prison yard. “He’s such a fuckin’ asshole…always like this…what the fuck….”

In the distance, you could hear Daryl’s motorbike roaring to life, a bit of a venomous back and forth between Daryl and whoever had to cop his attitude at the gate, and he was off on the run without you. Hearing his bike only fuelled your anger. 

“Why’s it always like this?” Glen asked Maggie with a hint of annoyance. “I mean, they’re assholes to each other all the time now…”

Maggie furrowed her brow, pondering the situation. “What happened between them? Y/N hasn’t shared anything about it…”

Putting his arm around her shoulders and squeezing them, Glenn gently kissed her cheek. 

“She probably doesn’t even know what’s going on herself…I mean, they used to get on like a house on fire!” Glenn exclaimed. Adjusting his rifle against the watch tower’s railing, he waved his arm in the air and pointed at you in the distance. “And look at her now…a literal walking ball of flames.”

Maggie sighed. Grasping the hand on her shoulder, she leaned her head against her husband. 

“I just hate seeing her in pain like this….she’s hurting…” Maggie said sadly. “I always thought there was something between them...makes me want to smack some sense into Daryl”.

“Yeah, same” Glenn commented, his gaze following you walking towards the prison. “Guess she’s cooled off a bit…wonder when Mr Cranky's gonna be back...”

All eyes were on you as you stalked back through the courtyard and prison. You knew they all probably heard your public spat, but you ignored their judgment and made a beeline for your cell. 

Once there, you threw your bag into the corner with a loud, muffled bang and sat on the edge of the bed with your head in your hands. 

Realising how bad the state of your relationship with Daryl had become, the waterworks opened and you started to sob. 

So many thoughts were running through your mind. The argument itself was so ridiculous! You accidentally knocked his crossbow off the bike seat and the string snapped. It was easily fixable! You were going to apologise, but you turned around only to be faced with Daryl's expression twisted in anger and something else unreadable. 

“Are you fuckin’ stupid?” Daryl growled. Taken aback, you were immediately riled up. 

“Uh, excuse me?” 

He dropped his eyes to the crossbow on the ground. As he bent down to snatch it up, you took a step towards him, gesticulating wildly. 

“Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed? You on your period or something?” You snarked. 

“Always screwin’ around ain’t ya!” He yelled back. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You retorted. There was something else in his eyes at that moment.

“Jus’ shut up woman!” Daryl gnashed. The rest is history.

He was callous with you regularly now. The two of you were constantly in some sort of argument. If not, he was staring you down from across the way. Everything he said was cutting you into two, and you felt ashamed that you were affected by it. 

Admittedly, you weren’t being so nice back, but who was Daryl to speak to you like that? How dare he! 

You wanted it to go back to the way it was. The tension between the both of you had reached its peak. On multiple occasions, you tried talking with Daryl about his unreasonableness, but every time he would cut you off, leave, or divert the conversation altogether. 

You hated his stubbornness. You hated his unwillingness to listen. It seemed as if Daryl was content with having things never go back to how they were. And that is what made you feel upset. 

It was unknown why he was treating you with such disdain. It was wanting to know why he never smiled that little smile at you, brushed your hands with his anymore, or why he never gave your waist a friendly little pinch. He was being so unfair. 

What was wrong with him? You were starting to think that there was something wrong with you…

You could feel tears pooling in your hands and snot in your sinuses. Giving a couple of rich, flavourful sniffles, you lay down on the bed with your legs hanging off. Somehow, even with the crying-induced headache that you now bore, sleep found you. 

You woke abruptly to the early evening sunlight filtering into your cell. Headache much worse than before, you carefully brought yourself up onto your elbows and realised that you had gone to bed with your gear on. Moving to your side and dragging your leg up onto the mattress, you wiped your swollen eyes of any sleep and yawned. 

This wasn’t how today was supposed to go. 

You wondered if they’d give you shit for not going on that supply run. 

You wondered if Daryl had gone to retrieve what you needed from it. 

You wondered if he was back yet. 

Trying not to let any thoughts of him bubble to the surface, you slowly got up from the bed and noticed a small plate of something on your makeshift bedside table. You were so discombobulated that you didn't even notice that someone had left you dinner. 

Carefully balancing the plate on your left hand, you fully pulled the curtain across the doorway and decided to eat in the beautiful evening sun. 

Settling into the grass and watching the sun set below the horizon, a blanket of peace wrapped around your shoulders. Savouring the rich gamey flavour of what tasted like freshly prepared venison, you observed the oranges and yellows mingle with each other in the sky. The soft chill of the breeze helped soothe the puffiness of your face. You looked around and saw some of the  kids kicking around a soccer ball. Their laughter and boisterousness made you smile. 

“Mind if I join you?”

You turned around to find Rick smiling at you. 

“Yeah, of course,” You grinned back. He settled in the space next to you and leaned back. It was quiet for a few minutes. It seemed Rick was observing the beauty around him at that moment too. 

“You know, I never thought we’d be this lucky…” Rick started. He was still looking towards the open field and the activity there. “It still amazes me. After everything we’ve been through”. 

“I know…it’s so beautiful to see kids be kids again” you replied. “Speaking of, where’s Judith, that little cutie?” 

“Beth’s with her now. You know, Daryl’s very good with her — ”

“Seriously?” You sassed. “Are you trying to talk him up?”

Rick laughed. “Nah, ‘course not…” Rick looked away from you sheepishly and picked at his gun holster. “Just tryna’ see if you're still mad at him…”

“Well, now that you’ve reminded me, yeah. I am” you stated. He puffed some air from his nose, placed his hand on your knee, and squeezed it gently. 

“You know, it’s not only affecting you two. Everyone feels uneasy. I think it would be better for both of you if you trusted someone enough to share what’s going on. If you trusted me enough…” 

You paused to look at him. There was pure concern in his eyes. Feeling the weight of his gaze, you looked down at the hand on your knee. You gently placed your hand atop his and pondered for a moment. 

“You know, back at the farm, I remember this one time Daryl and I came across a stash of alcohol from the main house...”

Rick hummed. 

“And…that night we probably had one too many…”

Rick gave you a quizzical look. “And?”

“Uh…” You tapped your other finger against your lap. “We ended up behind the barn somehow, and then he kissed me…” you murmured. The memory confuses you. “But then he pulled back abruptly and left…I don’t remember much else. I’ve never told anyone about it.” You looked away. It was embarrassing to say out loud. 

Rick removed his hand from yours. Stretching his legs out, he leaned on one of his hands and turned to fully face you. 

“Y/N…”

“And I don’t even know if he remembers because he’s never said anything about it…I mean, who cares now right? We treat each other like shit.”

“Hey,” Rick said. He placed his other hand on your shoulder to attract your attention. “I remember how it used to be between you two, even at the quarry. If he decided to pussy out, then he’s the one who messed up, not you” he smirked. 

You considered his words. “I just don’t understand how we went from being so close to being at each other’s throats. He hates me now…”

“He doesn’t hate you…I think he’s just going through a lot with Merle being gone, and dealing with all the change that’s happenin’…”

“That’s such bullshit…” you muttered. 

Rick moved closer to you and wrapped his arm around yours. You leaned your head on his shoulder. 

“Well, luckily I’ve got this handsome cowboy to distract me” you snickered. Rick gave you a hearty laugh and kissed the top of your head. 

“Don’t think your boyfriend would appreciate that…you know, you don’t see the way he looks at you sometimes.”

“I don’t know who you’re looking at Rick, but that’s not Daryl at all…definitely not now.”

“I think there’s more goin’ on than you think…just trust me. If it never works out, this handsome cowboy’s a couple of cells away” he joked. 

“Cute, Rick” you smirked. You hugged his side and thanked him. The sky was now littered with stars, and moonlight shone across the courtyard. It was beautiful. 

As you bid each other farewell, the peace was disrupted by the resounding slam of the prison door, the harsh sound of metal reverberating across the field. Squinting for just a couple of seconds, you accepted the fact that the night sky didn’t offer a clear view that far away. Sharing a glance, you both brushed it off and parted ways. 

However, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you saw something orange glowing on the ground before it snuffed out.

Part 2 / Part 3

[tagedeszorns]

May contain spoilers of both "Genefather" and the Fabius-trilogy

Guy Haley - Genefather

Since @robot-roadtrip-rants asked for my live-opinion while reading the book, I'll try my best to be a totally unbiased literature-critic!

I'll avoid reading other people's posts about the book to go into this experience as unbiased as possible.

So, let's begin!

Current status is about 15% in the book. Maybe 20. I haven't yet figured out how to turn on, toggle or turn off any features on ReadEra. it's not the most intuitive e-reader app imaginable. But it's free and it tries its best.

Anyway. The book!

So far I've been very pleasantly surprised! I never read the Cawl books as he bored me in the Heresy. But here he is downright amazingly amusing. Apparently ten thousand years with himself has done him quite good. Maybe I'll give his novels another chance later?

Fabius also comes across as quite fresh. Of course, Haley has to cope with the abrupt and not very nice end of the trilogy, which leaves Fabius in quite a bad state and in a completely new set-up. Without his consortium, I feel a bit alienated by him. It's strange - before and during the Heresy I always perceived him as very much a solitary figure, but after the trilogy I find it hard to warm to him as a lone wolf. Especially since Haley has also so far omitted characters like Saqqara and Igori/Melusine that would make the gap easier for me to bridge (quick text search through the book: not even a mention of my Word Bearer. Not good. Not good AT ALL). Fabius has always worked best for me in the mirror of his environment. Through the eyes of his primarch, his brothers and later his pupils or creatures. Without that angle of view, he feels very naked to me.

Haley deviates somewhat from Reynolds' interpretation of the New Men, but I can live with that. A lot of time has passed, maybe Fabius has changed his mind.

In general, it's little things (except for the absence of Saqqara, that's no little thing!) that bother me. The big picture works for me.

Haley is doing a good job with the Clonelord's character so far. You can tell he cares more about Cawl and his characterisation, but he's also trying his best to do Fabius justice. He gives him self-irony (not as much as Reynolds, mind you. But that's next to impossible to top) and the healthy distance from everything that is politically scurrying around in the galaxy that Fabius needs to be credible as a character.

I'm still not entirely comfortable with his motivation. It doesn't fit my image of the Chief Apothecary. But maybe later I'll get enough details and plot twists to put it into a framework where it fits again.

So far: I like it! You can tell that Haley likes Cawl better than Fabius, but he tries not to make it too obvious and I can live with that!

Let's see what happens next.

[peri]

Peridot and Unlearning (Internalized & Externalized) Homophobia

i.e., here's why peridot's redemption arc is partially (a metaphor?) about unlearning homophobia

the title sounds crazy but bear with me here.

let's start off with saying NO, fusion does not = romantic love. that's an age old discourse and it can be so easily solved by stating there are many different forms of love, and sometimes fusion is just for power (which is a form of love in-of itself, albeit fucked; the love for power or toxic love) HOWEVER, in many cases, such as Garnet's, it most certainly is about romantic love. so to keep it as brief as possible, thats what we have in mind in this post. it's gay love okay.

now, let's talk about the scene i just captioned. this is from the episode "too far," which is an episode about developing a crush and accidentally hurting them in the process of trying to impress them. (however you want to look at it, but thats how i interpret it) the fact it starts off with casual homophobia is important, coz it shows peridot still has a lot of prejudices despite recently becoming part of the team, which is full of gay people, undeniably.

peridot's redemption arc is partially about coming to terms with your sexuality, retraining your mind from internalized homophobia after being raised in such a homophobic society/household, and becoming proud of your sexuality / identity.

OBSERVE:

"you dont understand! im protecting a planet i was once trying to destroy! i used to follow every order - every rule!"

"now im a traitor! a rebel!"

"A CRYSTAL QUEEEEEER"

sorry i had that joke stored for this analysis since 2019. anyways

i'm going to try to keep this short, but more under the cut.

IM SO BAD at organizing my words so this post is rly hard to make so im gonna do it like this.

MORE EVIDENCE THAT PERIDOT'S REDEMPTION ARC IS COMING TO TERMS WITH BEING GAY / UNLEARNING HOMOPHOBIA:

being frustrated about joining a lesbian/gay gang

coming from a society where homosexuality is forbidden

telling off your mom by saying youre joining some rebel lesbians/gays to fight her oppressive society

wearing pride flags (stars) everywhere after coming out

looking up to experienced lesbians (Garnet)

the scissoring joke (from "too far." if you know you know)

furthermore, i thought it'd be fair to include peridot learning how to respect how people identify in other ways, such as names / how they prefer to be addressed. this, most of the time, goes hand-in-hand with homophobia.

peridot, narrating: "he also said he wanted me to stop calling him "the" steven." steven: "its just, steven!" peridot: "i told him i'd call him whatever i want!" [hiss] peridot: "he told me that was rude."

(from the episode "log date 7 15 2")

peridot learns how to respect how people identify. lgbt win

i should add she also eventually learns how to respect Garnet's whole deal in the same episode (log date 7 15 2) which was also a huge moment in her unlearning homophobia. which, btw if you dont know or dont remember, Garnet does by comparing herself to peridot's (assuming) gay ship between Percy and Pierre from Camp Pining Hearts, saying she was the optimized version of herself (the reason peridot "ships" them; theyre the best team logically according to her analysis ship chart)

anyways, now the biggest most obvious point is the fact that peridot actually is gay. i've referred to this episode a few times now, but thats becoz it really is a huge point in proving my 'thesis';

in the episode "too far," peridot is shown to get obsessed with impressing amethyst. peridot experiences something they havent yet up until this point: a crush. i mean, you can interpret it as you wish, but thats how i saw it. the butterflies, the obsession with making someone laugh, the fact peridot states amethyst is objectively the best gem of the crystal gems and emphasizes "damaging her standing with the best gem here" with their apology to amethyst after hurting her feelings.

and um, this.

🌈yeag

sorry im losing any professionalism i started this post with. also this is focusing on early-season / redemption arc peridot which is why its kind of short and is missing stuff from later seasons. i hope this was at least somewhat concise and easy to understand, and i hope yall see my point of view here! feel free to add on (theres SO MUCH its easy for it to skip my mind) if you have any other points youd like to make to support my cause and uprising. love you

[lilyginnyblackv2]

By and large, the Buddy Daddies fandom has been great with the interpretation of Kazuki and Rei as being Queerplatonic and/or Platonic Life Partners. And as someone who is aroace, I am deeply happy and grateful for this, because far too often aspec based interpretations of queerness in fandom spaces are met with ridicule, flippant attitudes, or even downright hostility (ex. calling people homophobic for viewing queer characters as aspec instead of gay or lesbian, etc.).

Of course, every fandom has its bad apples. Here is an example of aphobia:

The tweet reads: The fact that Kazuki and Rei of Buddy Daddies share a bank account like...I know what you are what you are  🏳️‍🌈 I will not accept “queer platonic” fics and headcanons when Kazuki is very obviously Rei’s wife.

This person is making it very clear, by putting queer platonic in quotation marks, that they view this interpretation of Rei and Kazuki as not only wrong, but also as lesser than viewing them as a romantic and sexual gay relationship. 

This is what aphobia looks like in fandom spaces. I’ve seen it in, I believe, every fandom that I’ve been in (except The Bastard Son and the Devil Himself, iirc). People will mock or look down on the idea and concept of things like queerplatonic relationships or platonic life partners and state that the concepts sound like “just friends.” I’ve been harassed by someone and called a ch*ld pr*dator simply for making aspec based headcanons about fictional teen characters, and, like I mentioned above, I’ve been called homophobic and lesbophobic for daring to view some characters as being aspec instead of gay or lesbian.

Stuff like this may seem like not a big deal at the end of the day, since they aren’t huge injustices or anything like that, but stuff like this is still invalidating and can still sting. The Buddy Daddies fandom as a whole has been a hugely welcoming fandom in regards to aspec interpretations of the characters, and I love that! <3 It makes me feel safe and accepted, which is rare, because aspec voices and interpretations are usually mocked, ignored, or greeted with hostility in fandom spaces. 

So, all I ask is, if you see aphobic stuff like this happening in the Buddy Daddies fandom, please do anything BUT encourage it. Shut it down, ignore it, block. Anything like that is fine. Shipping Kazuki and Rei romantically and/or sexually is totally fine. I don’t mind that interpretation in the least and wouldn’t be upset if the series did end up going in that direction either.

But there is a reason a lot of aspec fans are flocking to this series, and that’s because this is such a good depiction of what a queerplatonic and/or platonic life partner partnership would look like. I don’t know. I know this likely isn’t the intention of the creators, specifically, since they just wanted to explore the themes of found family and a same-sex couple raising a child together, but it really does feel like being seen. I would want to live with a partner in a very similar way as Kazuki and Rei (minus the child, personally, lol), so seeing it normalized here and not being the constant butt of “are they gay?” or “no homo” or “we’re just friends” type of jokes and clarifications is so refreshing and validating.

Anyway, yeah, seeing that tweet just made me so...tired. I’m so tired of seeing aphobia in fandom spaces and it being treated as a big deal or not a big thing. So I figured I’d make this post to just let people know about the aspect experience a bit. 

Finally, just to clarify, this isn’t meant to be a discourse post or anything of that like. More of just a general awareness post of “Hey, see this? Not cool, and here is why.” type of thing. But, I love and adore the Buddy Daddies fandom and just want to continue seeing it be such a warm fandom space for aspec fans. <3

[renmorris]

I typed out a four paragraph anonymous message and then Tumblr crashed (T⌓T)

Anyway: saw another de role swap post, went to your blog to find solace, and remembered I’ve been meaning to send this to you because your blog is my go-to scroll when something in the de fandom annoys me.

I can’t believe some people don’t realise the reason Kim was a juvenile officer for 15 years was because of racism? The pinball thing makes it clear that at least some of Kim’s duties in juvie were undercover related, and Measurehead thrice (once while explicitly referencing phrenology) refers to Kim as ‘paedomorphic’. Kim was going undercover as a teenager or so at 38! This was 5 years ago, he probably already had some grey hairs! I feel like It’s pretty clear that this is due to a racialised stereotype of Seolites (read: East Asians) as ‘innocent’ and ‘childlike’. Disco Elysium is pretty clear on how racism goes beyond “I don’t like this person because they aren’t white,” like how Seolite people are specifically seen as ‘mystical’ or ‘shifty’, or how using Semenese culture and slurs is seen as ‘cool’, while Semenese people are seen as ‘aggressive’, and’ responsible for most crime’ (along with Mesque people).

Now that I think about it, the lack of analysis in the fandom of how Disco Elysium purposely presents racism, and different ‘types’ of racism, is probably one of the main reasons for the de role swap au and other Disco Elysian fan content that completely ignore how racism effects Kim’s character.

AH I’m so sorry about the crash, thank you for sharing this is all spot on 👏

and yeah Kim has been explicitly racially infantilized with his juvie roll and on top of that iirc the pinball machines themselves come from Seol so there’s another layer of in-universe racial stereotype at play here in the pinball case. (not unlike the premise of like, having an East Asian man go undercover as a gamer.)

and the fact that Kim can’t get out of its shadow is even worse for him. the fact that Harry can even remember Kimball Kitsuragi after forgetting everything else has to be especially painful for him. Kim despises the pinball case, that it happened and that it’s how he finally got out of juvie in his late 30s. and that for the other officers of the RCM- it’s an amusing joke

Kim isn’t someone who is characterized as having a wild rebellious streak in the past. It’s kind of the exact opposite. He’s clearly a Dolorian- the way he talks about how they’re Dolorian by default because the laws they uphold are Dolorian etc is painfully familiar and even the Volta he practices has Dolorian roots, he's a former moralist. i agree with fandom interpretation that he probably grew up in Coalition run orphanage as well. strong Dolorian upbringing, what you’d expect from a real life Christian orphanage funded by the government

He smoked weed like three times in his 20s and actively gets hurt feelings if Harry laughs it off because that one bit of rebellion is really important to his self image, like…I think it’s pretty clear that Kim didn’t have a substantial bad boy phase.

[toffyrats]

my professional opinion on every hamilton ship i have seen in this accursed media

starting with the ogs and working down to the quote unquote rarepairs.

hamliza: 7/10 obviously didn’t uh. go very well! they’re domestic and cute and i never have any opinions on canon ships because they’re explained in the og media yk 😭

lams: 6/10 what kind of a name is lams. anyways i could probably make an entire post about this pairing and how much i actually enjoy it but how mischaracterized and ruined theyve been… as a concept theyre great but the fanon interpretation sucks im sorry

mullete i think its called: 5/10 WOW these names are bad. its mid. i don’t mind it. idc. dont love it don’t have any problems with it either. 100 percent grey area.

jamilton: 4/10 i just don’t like enemies to lovers it’s just a preference i’m sure it’s actually fine. jamilton lovers always have the best art so its fine

jeffmads: 8/10 this. has problems. as all things do. however i love their dynamic and they act like an old married couple. james following thomas everywhere and being pathetic is frankly hilarious. took off points for the fact they might actually be funnier platonically

jamilmads: 4/10 this feels like jamilton fans realizing jeffmads actually kind of makes sense and adding james for no reason

hamburr: 2/10 get away from me. get away foul beasts 🤺 (i think its like a 4 in reality but the fans are off the rails)

literally anyone/peggy: 2/10 whether it be lafayette, laurens, whoever i don’t see it. she’s just besties with everyone leave her alone

angelica/hamilton: 4/10 angelica girl your standards should be so much higher. yeah i don’t like this one

revolutionary polyamory: 4/10 this is referring to hamilton laurens laf and herc i believe. its ok. i dont rly like it. its eh.

washington/anyone: 1/10 HES THEIR DAD LEAVE HIM BE

lafferson: 3/10 daveed diggs squared. it makes me giggle a little bit other than that no emotions but hate

mariliza: 2/10 i really hate the trope of shipping two canon love interests with each other it makes no sense

hamilmads: no rating bc this one is just confusing to me wtf.

philidosia: 9/10 i am so biased on this one. so very biased. this was my otp back in the day. everything was about them. save me dear theodosia szin animatic. theyre my everything. the angst possibilities are insane and i love it. docked off one point just because of fanon interpretation, i have a very specific dynamic in my head and it is NOT that