#anyways i will sto posting about it now..........

[potatobugz]

i am not what you think i am

[levil0vesyou]

Having a post get popular enough to be independently reblogged by someone you follow but aren't mutuals with is. Wild

[kmt123whatsthetea]

No books for a prankster

George Weasley x reader

Requested by: @adinamayb2

Request gist: “5 foot Ravenclaw bookworm and George have hardcore sex”

A/N: Thank you for the request! For this fic, I decided that George would try to take the reader's mind off of books because he's jealous, if that makes sense (it will make sense when read). I don't know why it's taken me longer than usual to write fanfics (I think I'm just going mad yk). Two book related fanfics one after the other, I hope you guys like books lol.

T/W: Unprotected sex, Hardcore sex, Very jealous George, mentions of bondage (but no bondage), Teasing, Underwear gag, Creampie

George hated books.

Sure he didn't mind reading every now and again, but when those books took his girlfriend’s attention off of him, he hated them. When he suggested a date, it was always “Just another chapter, Georgie, I promise” or “This new book I got is so good, let me tell you all about it”.

George was happy that you had a reading hobby, but he missed your attention. Sometimes he felt guilty for being jealous of your books, until that horny little devil on his shoulder reminded him that the more you read, the less time you were in his bed.

He could feel his patience slipping every time he saw you with a book. He missed those days where he would sneak into the Ravenclaw common room and kidnap you for a date without having to worry about you losing your page in your newest reading material (he knew he was being dramatic, but he could help it).

One evening, he snuck into the Ravenclaw common room and found you sitting in front of the fire with your nose stuck in a book. He edged his way closer until he was sitting on the sofa next to you.

“Reading again, love?”

You were, but his breath on the shell of your ear made it difficult to move on to the next word.

“Georgie, you know I like reading. What are you doing here so late anyway?”

“I missed my favourite girl. I sleep better when i'm next to you…or inside you”

You turned your attention back to your book, hiding your blush within the pages. George adjusted so that he was laying down, his head on your lap. His eyes travelled up your chest and to your eyes, which were still avoiding his.

“I came all this way to see you, baby, are you just gonna ignore me?”

His teasing pout, like the one he was wearing at that very moment, could either be very cute or very. George took matters into his own hands and took the book from you. He stood up from the sofa and put the book down before reaching his hands out to you.

When your hot, horny boyfriend offers you his hand, would you really decline it?

You take his hand and let him pull you up, his tall frame towering over you. Dating a boy who was a good foot taller than you came with serious advantages. If you wanted a book from a high shelf, all you'd have to do is ask. If he was tired, he could easily lean his head on yours like a boney pillow.

George pulled you up to your dorm room, having familiarised himself with the route from his countless visits. Once you were both inside and the door was shut, you were his.

His hands pulled at your school shirt, grunting when you reminded him not to break the buttons again. When he managed to strip you down to your underwear, he picked you up in his arms before quite literally throwing you onto the bed.

He pulled his own shirt over his head before moving his hands to his belt. His eyes stayed on yours, a predatory grin painted on his face.

“You waste all your attention on those silly books. They can’t make you feel as good as I can, baby”

George pushed your legs apart and got in between them. He brought his hand down to rub your clit through your underwear. With every moan and squirm, his smile grew wider. His other hand presses on your stomach, stopping you from squirming anymore.

When you kept squirming, he brought his hand down on your thigh in a sharp slap.

“If you keep squirming, I’ll tie your hands to the bed posts. Are you gonna be a good girl and stop squirming?”

“I’ll be good Georgie, I promise”

He gave out a satisfied grunt and pulled your underwear down your legs. George pushed his boxers down enough to pull out his cock. He pushed his tip against your clit, smearing his precum on the throbbing bundle of nerves.

George pushed his tip in before pulling back out. He always enjoyed teasing you.

“On second thought, maybe I should leave you with your books”

He grinned when you whined. It's not like he would just leave you high and dry now, he loved being inside of you too much.

“Please Georgie, I don’t want those books, I want you”

George loved hearing how much you loved and needed him (even if he did use teasing as a leverage to hear it). He thrust his cock inside you fully, his hand covering your mouth when you let out a scream in pleasure.

Instead of removing his hand, he looked down at your underwear on the mattress next to your thigh and got an evil idea. He picked the discarded underwear up and removed his hand from your mouth.

“Open up, baby”

You opened your mouth obediently for George, letting him push the fabric into your mouth. When he knew that no sounds would slip past the fashioned gag, he pulled out and rammed his cock back in. His hips slammed against yours with each thrust, marking your skin red.

His hands gripped your ankles, pushing them up against your chest and folding you into a mating press. His thrusts didn’t relent, pounding into you with an animalistic passion.

His fingers came down to pinch your clit, rubbing it in messy circles.

“Does my baby wanna cum all over my cock?”

The gag muffled your pleas. The most you could do was nod like a woman possessed.

“Alright then baby, make a mess on my cock and I’ll cover that sweet little pussy in my cum”

That bad snapped, and you came hard on his cock. Spots filled your vision and your screams somehow surpassed the fabric gagging your mouth.

“Such a good girl for me, looking so pretty with my cock deep inside you”

George pulls his cock out, pumping it with his fist. After a couple more pumps, his cum sprayed over your swollen folds. He moved his hips a little closer, his tip dragging along your mound and leaving a sticky trail.

His hand reached towards your mouth, pulling the crumpled underwear from your mouth. His other hand came to cradle your cheek, a tender touch after a hot and heavy session.

“You always do so well for me, my pretty baby”

[erinwantstowrite]

i feel like if you released a 24 hour + video of you talking about your plans for your original book i would sit and watch all of that with no breaks. so: would you be willing to share at least the bare bones of the plot you have now? or even some tropes that would be in it? or maybe random questions like how many main characters? how many povs? if it's sci-fi or fantasy? just stuff like that!

ahhhh!! i'd love to talk about them because they're constantly rotating in my brain!! i hope this doesn't get too long but we all know me, i can never stop yapping 😭

(okay this is present erin editing before posting and yeah this got long guess who called it. anyways there's art and stuff under the cut as well)

(Marked this as mature with violence only because there is an image below where I drew injuries/cuts on a character)

This book has been a thousand different books in all kinds of settings, plots, lessons, etc, and that's because I've had these characters since I was in middle school. At first I was so obsessed with them that I'd write and draw them all the time, to the point that my teachers were concerned I wasn't paying attention. I was seriously into magic and fantasy at the time because Harry Potter books were still the epitome of writing to my middle school brain. Ruby was a wizard with a bird theme that lived in the countryside and one day found out that her town was "alive" in a sense... But after I lost that sketchbook with all of the details (devastated to this day), and started venturing into other books series and shows, etc, I sort of forgot about the og story or what it was like. What remained was a love for the characters I had made over anything else about them, so I'd end up writing stories with a different theme each time, but the ocs being the same, just with their backgrounds shifted. (Around the time I was obsessed with VLD, Ruby was in a sci-fi plot set on a planet in another solar system.)

One of the most recent iterations was Ruby and the other characters essentially struggling to understand death, life, and everything in between. The story is called "Behind the Blue Glass" and I still really like that title lol. All of them had died on the same day, at the same time, just in various different ways, and then all of them came back to life in the same manner. They all developed different powers from the experience: Liam could float/manipulate gravity), August's body was essentially a phantom that could go through objects and disappear, Vin could possess people, Jean had an empathy link with the dead and could talk to and see them clearly, and Maya could figure out someone's cause of death/also tell when people were about to die. As for Ruby, she's the only one who can move freely between the land of the living and the land of the dead. It's different from Jean seeing the dead, as she's still in the land of the living.

The plot of that story was Ruby having dreams/visions of these other people she had never met before and knowing she needed to find them and set "something" right, but she didn't know what. She sets out to find them anyways, and they each join her on her quest to find everyone simply because they never got an answer to how they came back from the dead and find it weird that they all died on the same day and time. They solve deaths of ghosts they come across, meet people who are still grieving lost ones, have to lay some of the ghosts down to rest- all while figuring out why these shady people have started following them and trying to stop them from figuring out what happened to them. I even made some first draft titles (definitely, 10000% inspired by PJO because I was reading it at the time):

to top it all off, it's set in the 2010's I believe? Around that time. Just because I think more books should write about the time era

I have some (recentish) art of the characters:

first image: (Liam on the right, August on the left)

this is what Ruby looked like when I was first designing them for the story:

They're meant to look dead-ish but this art was SO long ago when I wasn't confident in my art so Ruby just looks like a wet rat or smth idk what is going on here

And here's Vin!! I don't hate this drawing of him that much, surprisingly, but this was also drawn a while ago

and this was some art i was planning at the time:

i think that's all of the art that i have for this story (at least on this computer. My old laptop might have more but it's been laid to rest)

to be honest, i'm still thinking about writing this story, but Ruby's name would be changed because at this point, this iteration of her character is VERY different from present day. She's two different characters at this point 💀 that's how you know I've had her for SO long because she looks so different from her original drawings.

The latest version of Ruby ended up in a story with completely different characters in the cast and a completely different setting (even if some of the characters were inspired by their og versions). It's called "The Clocktower's Chime"

It's very much inspired by those reincarnation manhwas. I like those stories but they all have the same plot over and over, and while I was more interested in the versions where the character is sent back in time to live their life again but with all the knowledge they had in the future, I always struggled with the aspect that the characters' mental age is far older than they are. It makes the dynamics a little weird, but they can be excused unless it's a romantic dynamic, I would think? I dunno, it was hard to get into the plots mostly because of that.

So I used Ruby as a placeholder OC and came up with a story where upon their death in the future, someone casts a spell or a god sends them back, and instead of having a mental older age, they get a journal with all of the details of their future. Ruby woke up one day and found a journal written by herself that detailed everything about her future up to the point of her death. It was more like a book, however, rather than a journal. It just looked like a journal because it was in her handwriting.

So Ruby gets this book, doesn't believe it at all, until she notices that there are way too many "coincidences" lining up with the events of the book. She starts believing it could be true, and then decides it must be when she finds out that a prominent family in the country she lives in is going to visit her hometown. In the book, they were there because they learned that Ruby was their daughter that had been kidnapped as a baby and believed dead. However, in the book, Ruby had spent her entire life living as a weapon instead of a daughter, and she died by their hands when she refused to kill a woman that is prophesized to end a war that would devastate both countries.

Ruby is, like, 12 at that point. So her kid brain is like "obviously I run away and go to school in a different country and tell everyone I have a different name and there's no way this could go wrong." Except before she can even do that, she runs into Julias Parlia, a Duke's son from the country that is supposed to be her enemy in the future. Ruby is like "shit this is THE worst adult to run into and I haven't even gotten to the running away part of my plan" and Julias ends up being the reason she doesn't even get to the train station. He's fucking hilarious by the way. He's got a well adjusted family with two loving parents and a bunch of little siblings and he basically picks Ruby up by the scruff of her neck and is like "I want this one she's insane."

This is Julias (kneeling on the ground to talk to Ruby) and Emelie (Julias' knight and childhood friend, she's so silly)

and this is the part where I share art from many months ago... when I posted my most recent art and said Ruby keeps getting buffer every time I draw her, I meant it 💀

Ruby and her love interest, Cecelia

This is Vekenti, a character that was also supposed to be a "villain" in the original timeline. Ruby goes looking for him to prevent his death as well, and Julias obviously is like "Omg another weird kid, how delightful!" Everyone thinks Vikenti and Ruby are related, but they are not. They're just raised as siblings in both timelines and have a lot of the same mannerisms

Julias' love interest (unnamed? I can't find her name anywhere) and him

REALLLY old drawings of what they looked like in the OG timeline (I desperately need to redesign these because I could do better now)

Julias and Ruby again

and that's all the art I have for this one (besides the other post of Ruby I posted today, this is the story that that version of Ruby belongs in. She's looks very different now!).

All of this has been in the back of my mind for a while, and I've been trying to figure out which story I would want to write first. Middle school Erin would love for me to finally write Behind the Blue Glass, but sometimes I find myself wanting to write a fantasy story like Clocktower's Chime a lot more

[wraithdance]

Hi, I’m the “woe is me” anon. I’m going to refer to myself as that because it’s super annoying to me that I came off that way and I am actively cringing.

Anyway, thank you so much for writing back to me with your thoughts and opinions. I really appreciate your perspective.

With the music thing, I 1000% understand where you’re coming from. There are a lot of renditions (idk if that’s the correct word so I apologize if that’s the case) of songs that were sung by African men and women when they were slaves. I do listen to that music sometimes because I just think it’s really powerful and meaningful, but I do it respectfully because of the history & of course out of respect for the artists.

When I said I have a hard time interacting with those communities, I didn’t mean it like “they don’t like me so I don’t like them.” I meant that I have seen so many people post in their bios that straight, white people aren’t welcome, so I tend to just stay away when I see any writing or art that’s from a poc or someone who is in the lgbtq community, even if I don’t see the artist specifically say that. I’ve just started to kind of assume they wouldn’t appreciate my interactions, which is not fair of me to assume and I acknowledge that.

With the blocking thing, of course I respect it when I get blocked. I’m a big advocate of using that feature myself, but because I’m old and getting blocked used to be a “fuck you,” I still have a moment of :( when it happens, especially when I realize it was avoidable if I would have read their bio and seen that they didn’t want me there in the first place. It makes me feel awful because I crossed a boundary by not looking at their profile before liking their post. Again, that is not on them, that is on me and I would never ever want to make anyone uncomfortable intentionally.

I had the privilege of growing up in a pretty diverse area, so race wasn’t something I really paid attention to until I got older, which I think is the case for a lot of white people which is a whole other issue that needs to be addressed.

So when I started seeing things like “no straight white people are welcome,” it shook me a bit because I had never seen that before. I’m absolutely not saying they shouldn’t do that. If that’s what makes them comfortable, by all means, and I respect it, but I do hold the opinion that it causes division and is hurtful, which I think that might be the point for some people, and that’s okay too.

I really rambled, good lord. And I really fucking hope I’m not coming off as some ignorant white asshole, because I actively try to educate myself on these things.

Hi so respectfully I’m going to answer this last ask on the subject then I won’t respond anymore. I do think you want to learn but I want to set a hard boundary now and going forward.

I don’t enjoy facilitating talks on anti racism because it’s exhausting and I don’t like having to step so far outside of myself to try and teach a concept in depth that I only learned because I have to survive in a world not for me. It’s just very emotionally draining for me personally. Compiling stuff like the directory is one thing because I’m centering other marginalized people and it’s for my own use as well.

There’s excellent educators out there and amazing books that can help you gain clarity/understanding on what the disconnect is. I am just a bitch that likes being silly online and I’m not emotionally equipped or being paid like they are to handle topics like this. I hope you can understand my stance 💖

Further thoughts below.

On your own, I’d really like you to figure out what about negro spirituals is something you enjoy listening to. Because I didn’t blink when you said you liked rap but seeing that part of this ask threw me absolutely off. I’m southern and black American so negro spirituals have a very specific and weighty meaning to me. *I* don’t even listen to them like that because I feel such utter sadness and pain remembering the passed down stories my grandparents/family told me about being from the south and those that were enslaved. It feels so very dystopian to hear someone listens to it casually and I’m not sure if I’m misinterpreting that part and if I am, I’m sorry.

I’m glad you realized you were making assumptions, the only thing you can do going forward is take care to not write others off before they’ve even said anything.

The rest of your ask is a contradiction tbh and I’m going to rip the bandaid off because like I said previously there are people who would be a lot less careful about responding to this kind of thing. It’s not divisive for the marginalized to want to protect their selves and their spaces. Point blank period.

I would entertain the ‘we need to all get along’ logic if we were far more advanced as a society on topics of race and discrimination, but we aren’t. By centering how you feel about not being allowed to interact and how hurt you are you’re redirecting the conversation from the WHY.

Why do these random people you come across on the internet feel so strongly about white/straight people that they don’t want to risk dealing with a white/straight person online?

If you didn’t come up with at least 3 relevant events against the lgbt/poc community after you read that then there’s a problem. You’ve said it yourself the last thing you want to do is come off as woe is me but the prioritization of how you feel first is going to trip you up from learning/understanding hard concepts like this that you didn’t grow up learning.

Like I said I don’t want to facilitate these conversations, I’ve done so for years in a career setting and I don’t have it in me anymore. What I can do, is give you some resources to look up if you feel inclined, just come back and say ‘hey I’d really like those links/books’ and I’ll give them to you without another word.

Otherwise if that’s not something you want to do then you’re good. Thank you for asking in the first place, I think that’s a good first step.

[i-swear-its-only-ironical]

So, I did Latin for 7 years. WAIT, STOP HEAR ME OUT!

I did my final school exam on Ovid's "Metamorphoses" and the one thing that significantly shaped my view on media was Ovid's understanding of love.

When we think about romance and romantic love today, we tend to think of it as a saving grace, something that completes you. Falling in love in fiction implies a positive bond, something that will eventually help you. There are whole subgenres on the idea that "Love can save you"; "The Power of Love" is a pretty famous trope, right?

Now, Ovid also saw falling in love as a strong but, alas not always one that saves you. In almost every myth he reinterpreted in his "Metamorphoses" love creates - but only through destruction. Here, love is a force of nature, something even the gods aren't immune against. Love is rapturous and terrifying, more an uncontrollable forest fire than a tender candle flame. Love is complicated, the very act of falling so big that no one can even measure the effects it will have on the individual, the community, the world.

One of my favourite scenes in the poetic cycle tells the story about Apollo arguing with Cupido (son of Venus, basically her right hand). It goes like this:

Young Apollo just slew a beast. Standing on it, bloody bow in hand, he spots Cupido and brags: "Look at my skill, my power. I am the element tipping scales in wars, only one hit with my arrow is enough to kill the most gigantic monsters. What can you do with your weak bow, your mediocre arrows? Love, this feeble thing? Forever I will be the better archer between the both of us."

And Cupido, angry, just smiles: "My arrow may not kill any beast in one strike, but it'll strike you. And it'll destroy.

And it does. Apollo gets hit by an arrow and immediately falls in love with the nymph Daphne. Cupido also hits her with an arrow, not one for love but for eternal hate.

Long story short: Apollo runs after her, she begs her father, a river, to help her. He transforms her into a laurel tree, causing Apollo's heart to break. This is why he gets portrayed with a laurel crown in mythological pictures. He wears it to never forget his first love.

This, btw, is one of a gazillion stories where Apollo falls in love with someone and that person dies, gets transformed into flora or eternally hates him. Just because he messed with Cupido once (1)! Cupido and his mother Venus are incredibly petty and power hungry. Ovid's message is rather clear: do not fuck with love! Do not underestimate it! Don't try controlling the forest fire, you will burn yourself.

Love and the loss of it, in Ovids works, is more often than not associated with pain, sometimes implied to be worse than death, sometimes implied to be better than heaven. It creates, it destroys, it lets you learn and fall and stand up again. Love isn't something positive (or negative) - it just is. And you have to deal with that, whether you like it or not.

And I love the implications with this conceptualisation, because love hurts although it may be right, it may be cute, it may be essential. "Uwu such a cute romance sto-" NO. Cute? Love isn't cute, love is bigger than your tiny, short, pathetic life. Love is uncontrollable. Love is chaos.

Sooo, this is a fandom post after all, so I'll get to Stolitz now. If you're just here for me fangirling about Ovid (love that guy, we stan someone that knows his metrics), you can check out now. Hope you had fun reading!

If you think about love like Ovid things about it, isn't it oh-so-understandable why Blitzø fears it so much? It ties you to someone, you float in an ocean and everywhere you look, you see only horizon and waves. And for someone that only has experience with how love destroys (flashback with Fizz birthday, also whatever the fuck happened with his twin sister Barbie) falling of course feels like fucking drowning. You try to act normal, as if there would be normal ground under your feet. You don't try to swim (why bother? Never worked out anyway) and because you don't even try, you start sinking, choking on your own infatuation, with no safe haven, no anchor, no land in sight. You're alone, lungs filling with water, slowly losing consciousness while the sounds of the earth above you are getting quieter, the world desaturated of its colour.

"Are you afraid to love people, Blitzy?" - Of course he is? Why wouldn't he? Are you afraid of forest fires?

And to add on that: he feels completely alone in his own conscious, his emotions for Stolas. Because like hell he'd be vulnerable in front of his friends or crush. He's way to deep anyway, everything is dark blue. No one will hear you and even if: you would not want them to listen. Blitzø wants to drown in silence, not having a say in if he drowns at all because, like I said, love is way too big for you to control.

Similar with Stolas, although his view on the fire isn't that pessimistic. He knows how powerful emotions are and doesn't even try to contain them. At first, he almost revels in the waves. Did you ever swim at night, the stars above you multiplied by the water below you? There is nothing but the waves and the stars and the sky. There is nothing, there is everything. Stolas likes loving, he sees beauty and contempt in it. But eventually he sees that there isn't land in sight, that you alone cannot survive this vastness of nature also.

You cannot control the Ocean, cannot control the forest fire, but you can try to coordinate. This is the only way to survive this terrifying ordeal called love.

So he swims, tries to swim at least and he looks for Blitzø, realising they'll both go down with this relationship if they won't find the other between the waves. And he swims and swims, screaming, while Blitzø drowns him out. He cannot hear him, because he cannot accept that pretending there is land under your feet won't magically make the ocean disappear. He'd need to swim, but what good did that ever cause him?

Ok that's all. Thank you. :)

[esta-elavaris]

Hi!

Sooooo, I was wallowing in self pity because there was no HWFG (no pressure to write or update! I just can’t be normal about that story) so I went to check your ao3 and was surprised to see that you’re a fellow James Norrington truther! It inspired me to rewatch the first two pirates of the Caribbean movies and I kinda fell into the norrington rabbit hole again.

That made me read fallen through time and I honestly became OBSESSED so when I was done with the chapters you posted for that story I immediately turned to catch the wind and,,,,,,, [insert unhinged meme about ripping out guts]. I started reading it on Saturday and I couldn’t put it down so I read through two nights and am now tired as fuck, sitting at work, trying to appear busy while still reading your story. What have you done to me!!! I just read the wedding night chapter (I’m going insane, that had no business being so hot???) and honestly, that was so rewarding? Very well written smut aside, the slow burn was soooo good and there were moments where I had actual tears in my eyes??? Theo’s pain when she overheard Elizabeth accepting James‘ proposal? AH!!!! I adore their relationship. The banter, the soft moments, their conflict, their quiet conversations (though I must say I maybe even like it more in fallen through time? He’s just so mean, suspicious and stupid at times in that one, I live for that). I feel like theyre the definition of „she fell first, he fell harder“ and at one point i was really reminded of something I’ve read elsewhere… it was something like „you’re looking at me with purpose“ and that’s just so spot on for James? He’s so devoted to her it makes my heart melt.

On that note, it’s so impressive how much research you’ve done?! And how much thought you’ve put into everything? It’s not easy to write for that time period (I say as a person with two degrees in history lol), especially when it comes to balancing the cultural differences between norrington and Theo? That made everything even more fun to read.

And it’s so impressive how you manage to have this story follow the events of the movies but for it to never become boring or repetitive? You manage to capture the characters we all know and love so well while also making them your own. Your James, of course, is spot on, but also Elizabeth and will? And in all honesty, I maybe like your jack sparrow more than the canon one. He serves as comic relief so much that you sometimes forget he’s a seasoned pirate and much more intelligent, provident and even dangerous than one might think. He feels much more human in your story in my opinion. And that moment where he returns to Tortuga and confronts Theo about the cannibals? I laughed so loud that my bf woke up lol

Okay so I’ll stop rambling now, I just wanted to drop by to tell you how much I love your work and how glad I am that I checked out your norrington/theo stuff. Theo is amazing and I love them both so much. My boss just left the building and I sure will spend the rest of my time at work today reading, they don’t pay me enough anyway. I so hope that her attempt at changing James’ fate will work out and I’m very anxious but also excited to find out where this all goes!

Sending love and appreciation from Germany!

I know I'm on a tumblr break but this is too nice and it has me crying too much to leave it to gather dust in my inbox 🫠🫠🫠

Thank you so so so so SO much!!!

Honestly Catch the Wind will always have a special place in my heart (the people who have sat and watched me continue to talk about it ~14 months after it was finished are like "we know, babe") because I wrote it like, being somewhat fond of Norrington but mostly to get the idea for a Boromir fic out of my system, and instead I ended up sick over Norrington and still writing the Boromir fic anyway. Buuut I mean I got my favourite project so far out of it so I can't complain, I just laugh at how I played myself. Tbf tho, it was a great thing because POTC was a great stepping stone towards even more intimidating LOTR territory!

I'm so glad the smut was decent, too! That was the first story I've ever written it for and I was so nervous about it 💀 I do completely agree with your view on Theo and James as a couple though - the falling first/harder, and the "you're looking at me with purpose" both. I just don't think he'd ever be the type to get complacent. He's not a man who lays on the charm to win the girl, before thinking "what's the point in continuing to try?" once he "has" her. I see him as being such a ride or die, insanely loyal, "that is my WIFE", Gomez Addams coded guy, I love him for it. Those sitcom coded jokes where a guy hates his wife the second he marries her would be the very opposite of his kind of thing. That's why I had so much fun giving him that back in Theo, considering Elizabeth doesn't return his feelings in the movies.

And I mean, I don't think he's owed that from her and I don't think less of her for not returning those feelings, she can't help it (although I do raise my eyebrows at anybody who'd choose Will over The Noz, but people are allowed to be wrong ig), and I think if anything it'd be worse if she did marry him in the end without having that same level of feeling, but it was just so nice to give him someone as dedicated to him as he was to her in Theodora 🥹 I also think Boromir has a lot of that in him, so I'm very excited about his future with Sybil.

I'm also so thrilled to hear the research went appreciated - a lot of it was very fun, like if I hadn't done an Eng Lit/Creative Writing degree, I would've gone into history (I actually almost did do a second degree in history but the funding didn't work out, so I stick to just reading a lot, which I'm cool with), and like most of it was fun, but there were times when I was googling a) the origin of the coffee table, and b) 18th century equivalents of a coffee table/accent table at 4am for the sake of one throwaway line where I did wonder about my path in life. I swear, I deep-dived into it in the notes usually because I at least wanted to make it clear when I had done my research vs when I was knowingly deviating (a few unknowing mistakes did slip through but I think how much research otherwise went into it kind of makes people more willing to overlook a mistake here and there?) but also because it meant I could get more out of said research binges than just one unnoticeable line in a random paragraph 🤡

And JACK. God. I could write a dissertation on Jack. What they do to his character in movies 4/5 are 90% of the reason I don't like them and have only seen them once each. The other 10% is that uhhh they're just crap. Like it's so, so clear in the first three - mainly because of JD's fab acting - that the eccentric thing masks a lot of intelligence and cunning. He'll do his whole "weirdo" shtick, and I don't even think it's entirely an act, I think he is truly eccentric to an extent, but there'll just be these really brief moments where there's just a gleam in his eye, or he'll be suddenly serious for 0.5 seconds and you see what's going on behind the mask, and you realise it is a mask. Whereas in 4/5 it turns into a thing of "idiot who bumbles around and finds his way by sheer luck", which was never what he was in the trilogy.

I also think his crew's reaction to him shows that he is more than willing to be a hardass captain when it comes to it - the moment off of the top of my head is when Cotton's parrot goes "walk the plank" in movie two and his gun is immediately out and he's not happy and they all kinda startle a bit. But even without glimpses like that, like, they're pirates. If he was weak, and he wasn't willing to be stern and not take shit, they wouldn't follow him, and he wouldn't be half as infamous as he is. They know he's odd, but it's clear they respect him, so he must have earned that respect.

He was the one I was most scared of having to write going into this thing (along with Barbossa and Beckett), because he's so easy to get wrong. I'm always so, so thrilled when I hear I did him justice!

Okay, I have written you an entire dissertation here, so I'll stop now and just say again THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH!!!! 💜💜💜 I've read this like ten times since I first received it, it had me grinning like an idiot every single time, I'm so grateful -- and I hope you like what I have in store for HWFG! The wait shouldn't be tooo long, I'm taking April off of posting but not writing, so ideally I'll have something to post in the very beginning of May!

(and I'll reply to your other ask in a bit, I just wanted to make it clear I wasn't ignoring this!!)

[nihilara]

so, i know my carrd is clunky, and messy and bad. so i've decided to make a big masterpost for kuro's hsr au. because as i play it, it is growing, and evolving as i find new things to !!! over. plus i feel it's a bit easier to just have the verse post here on my tumblr anyway where folks can see it easier.

𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄: hamasaki kuro , just kuro please.

𝐀𝐆𝐄: 1000+ , his exact age isn't known. he's legit forgotten it.

𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐒: favored of the plagues author , cat guy ( express crew ) , killjoy , emanator of yaoshi ( not anymore. ) , more to come i'm sure...

𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐇: abundance ( previous ), later path dependent on plotting :)

as you know, kuro's home world died.

the planet just could not sustain life anymore, and while it isn't coincidence that yao/shi chose him to be an emanator- it didn't happen until the planet was dead. a husk essentially, for him to implant the power of the abundance within, and bring it back with that alone. making it completely reliant on the aeon, and an ecological horror show of never ending life and growth.

during his time as an emanator, kuro worked to spread the influence of yao/shi to other worlds too. and unfortunately, the xian/zhou was collateral damage to these endeavors. which has earned him not only a bounty, but a permanent ban from any of the xian/zhou alliance ships. the damage he did to them was... comparatively minimal to what he did to the world he was focused on at the time. but it has given him history with certain characters, that is both traumatic, and brief-- enough that it's not necessarily reliant on fine details, for kuro to be a wanted criminal by the xian/zhou and potentially in hot water with the IPC.

the reason he stepped off his path... is unknown. but there's some speculation among those who knew of him. that yao/shi abandoned him perhaps, that he saw the truth of abundance, that it terrified him. the real reason is much too complicated. and he will not discuss it with anyone.

the astral/express & jarlio/VI

kuro didn't immediately join the express, he did wander for a while. it didn't feel right to pick up a new path right away. and despite losing his status as an emanator, he'd maintained his immortality-- though he's yet to suffer the effects of mara, despite his surprisingly long life. only time will tell there.

welt and hi/meko know about kuro's past. and he is accepted a temporary passenger who's job is to help pom pom in keeping the train tidy. though his stay ends up being much longer than any of them anticipated. making a home in a large room of a secondary passenger car. where he has about 6 cats, not including mimi. who he's convinced is hyper intelligent, and has a genuine personality. he gets along with the crew as much as he can. never really putting himself out there, and usually... usually avoiding visitors to the express whenever they come by to see the mc. the only one he will come out to see consistently is ar/genti.

he really wasn't too present for the first arc, but he did leave the train with the other three. and got to see jarlio/VI with mimi. they mostly stayed out of trouble, and sorta just,,, vanished for a bit. found back on the train when it was finished.

the luo/fu, the xian/zhou, and jing/yuan

kuro really does his best to not be a part of this one. his history, as mentioned above, with the xian/zhou is not good. and he has quite the bounty on his head, despite the several of centuries since he last saw the fleet. when he does actually leave to board the luo/fu he wears some extra accessories to disguise himself. but, jing/yuan despite the distraction of the stellaron & phanty/lia... finds him.

it's after this point, that kuro's past and history with yao/shi become entirely public to everyone. and he is almost imprisoned in the shackling prison. something he barely escapes thanks to ?????????????????? then vanishes entirely from the express, along with mimi. hm.

pena/cony, boot/hill & the IPC ( a wip, im playing through it now )

long story short- kuro ends up at the pena/cony. how he gets there is still pretty up in the air. but he does have his own room.

( meaning i will be adding more to this post as i go!!! )

in that span of time however, between the luo/fu and the pena/cony-- he does meet boot/hill. i'm aware his lore is also very unfinished, open, and much of his backstory is really just speculation. but i've got a bit of plotting going, and the two of them are in a bit of an in-between stage at the moment. making the two's meeting entirely possible and,, potentially beneficial to both? also, boot/hill is optimistic, and frankly quite unhinged. where as kuro tends to be nihilistic, and more mellow in comparison. it's a funny sort of interaction, very silly, i love it.

i do wonder if kuro's relationship or opinion of the IPC is also sour. though it's nothing compared to the xian/zhou, kuro's hands are not at all clean. and he's messed up at least one ( smaller ) planet in the past so, hm.

BIG potential for kuro to become a galaxy ranger as end game :)

[creativenicocorner]

The Runaway's Gamble! (pomodori . .?)

Thank you so much for the ask @niemalsetwas ♡

Okay! So The Runaway's Gamble is a fic that is set post everything in Discworld, and centers around the concept of Young Sam feeling the need to runaway...he does this...in a not great way, right into on Moist von Lipwig's mail coach as he sets off to personally deliver an important letter to someone in the Sto Plains (take your bets now as to who the receiver might be hehe)

Since Moist is in his gray suit Young Sam doesn't recognize Moist as the Postmaster...meanwhile Moist is having a panic attack and is internally screaming cause "oh gods that's the commander of the watch's son!! I'm doomed!!"

To which Moist tries to subtly figure out why Young Sam has run away from home, and tries to just as subtly convince him to Not Do That.

Angua ends up joining them, as she was sent to track down Young Sam...and now Young Sam has two known runaways trying to subtly convince him to Not Be A Runaway and Go Home

Shenanigans ensue

The way the wip is going....it's probably going to be longer than three chapters lol Cause there's just so many delicious small nuances I'd love to explore

Especially, though not limited to: Moist and Angua friendship (I just think they'd have so much to talk about)

I don't entirely remember if I shared this on tumblr already... I'm pretty sure I shared it with Babblish at some point

ANYWHO a small rough snippet:

“I may have to update my message to her.” Angua shrugged. “So you’re just… going to continue tailing us until I convince the kid to return home?” “Obviously.” “Dressed like that?” Angua stared at him blankly.  “He’s a smart kid, and if he catches just a hair of you, everything can go kaput!” Angua volleyed with a smug smile, and pulled a little something from her back pocket. “Turn around.” Moist raised a brow, the sort of brow that suggested ‘you and I both know there’s a dirty joke in there somewhere’. “Just do it,” growled Angua. Moist raised his hands, and turned, wordlessly, eyebrow still arched. Once he realized what Angua was doing, he started whistling through her change process so not to hear any hairy details.  A snuffling huff caught Moist’s attention again. He turned.  It was Angua, with a bandana, a pretty one to be sure, a blue base color with cherry red and gold designs. But it didn’t change the fact that it was Angua, in wolf form, with a bandana. Moist clapped his hands together, and couldn’t hold the sarcasm back as he said, “inspired.”  Her upper muzzle curled. Angua swore she’d never mention this was Carrot’s idea. 

And then a newer one just a bit later, still rough. I'm trying to work on how to make the difference between them speaking Morkporkian and Überwaldian distinct beyond just saying 'they're speaking Überwaldian' unfortunately I'm not a linguist lol and am doing just that...for now, we'll see... perhaps I'll change the quotations to another kind perhaps to the guillemet («...») to indicate a language change hmm... ANYWAYS:

"I have insights I want to share with him too," whispered Angua, unprompted. She was speaking in Überwaldian once more, meaning she didn't want to be mistakenly overheard by the sleeping Young Sam. Moist looked up from the fire, and halted in his log poking. He spared a glance at Young Sam, to ensure he was still asleep before responding, likewise in Überwaldian, "I don't know how well the bandana trick can work in your human form. Your physique, if you don't mind me saying, isn't too forgettable." Angua sneered at him, a human faced equivalent of a warning growl. Moist raised his hands in airs of harmlessness, "I'm not saying anything that isn't known, Baroness." Angua rolled her eyes, and clicked her tongue. "You're right," she said, sneer turning into a smirk as her posture changed to a more confident position, "I do have an unforgettable body." Moist nodded his agreement in the airs of one concurring that 'yes the painting of Reclined Nude with Vase and Flowers is beautiful'. "So you see how it'd be difficult for you to talk to him like this, in uniform no less." "But not impossible," said Angua straightening. Moist sat up a bit more, attentive. The hairs on the back of his neck standing up a bit at the promise of Angua's mischievous tones. Moist could sniff mischief like a spider could sense the change of an air current over it's many little hairs. He leaned forward with a grin, mischief in persona. "Yeees?" It may have been the firelight, but for a moment Angua could have sworn his eyes glinted and shon. It was a little distracting. She shook her head, and powered on ahead, "Well, you're good at disguises..." "Yeees?" "Perhaps, uh...I could-" "Steal a set of clothes off a clothesline, and have your make up done in a certain way unrecognizable to yourself?" Moist said all in one breath. His grin grew toothier by the vowel. "Oh. Um, yes actually." "What are your thoughts on eyepatches?" "I'd probably hate it." "Excellent!"

As for imbottigliando pomodori (working title) that is a mp100 Reigen centric fic that came to me at the end of summer last year while helping my aunt harvest make and bottle tomatoes for tomato sauce.

The fic is one of many I enjoy exploring in which Reigen learns healthier ways to improve as a person instigated by himself. Cause I love it when Reigen decides to better himself, and doesn't want to get left behind while Serizawa and Mob and everyone else are doing their best to better theirselves.

In this fic Reigen deals with the after trauma of what happened at the end of the REIGEN spinoff manga...as I sort of love exploring the post REIGEN manga space and the lingering consequences Reigen had by not only accepting but fully Embracing Rusty-sama (even if it was briefly)

It's still a very vague vibe of an idea atm.

I'm playing with the idea that Reigen leaves Seasoning for a bit to join a group of enthusiastic gardeners to learn how to make their own tomato sauce...perhaps occasionally sending letters to Serizawa and Mob?

Currently the summary is: In which Reigen learns about matters of the heart, that self improvement does Not mean self isolation, and tomatoes. 

Again, right now it is just a vague jumble of vibes and feelings haha I don't think the rating will get higher than Teen and Up for this...

Thank you so much again for asking! ♡

Best wishes!

[made-ofmemories]

AO3 || Tumblr masterlist

---

“What’s that?” Eddie asks.

Steve is working and Eddie is ‘keeping him company’ which really means he’s following Steve around the store and being a distraction while Steve tries to get stuff done. Steve doesn’t mind so much. It’s nice to have someone to talk to during the slower hours when Robin isn’t there, she has the day off since it doesn’t take the two of them to manage a quiet Tuesday afternoon shift.

“What’s what?” He follows Eddie’s gaze with a confused frown.

He thinks at first he’s talking about the movie he’s just placed on the shelf, sixteen candles, not something he would assume Eddie would be into. Though, Robin was still convinced Eddie had a secret love for romcoms that he wouldn’t admit even to himself and Steve had to admit the evidence was stacking up so maybe he was wrong.

“This.” Eddie takes Steve’s hand in his own and holds it up between them. Each of his nails are painted a different vibrant color, some have simple patterns, and others have the added sparkle of glitter.

“Oh, that . It’s Robins's newest hobby,” He explains admiring her artwork. Eddie’s still holding onto his hand and he can feel his rough guitar callused fingers against the soft flesh of his palm, “It took her nearly an hour to do all the little details so I didn’t want to just remove it right away and now it’s kind of growing on me.”

Robin goes through new hobbies and interests like no one Steve has ever known before. Some of them stick around, and others are a fleeting obsession here one minute and gone the next. Somewhere along the way, she started dragging Steve along for the ride with each new fixation.

It started with knitting, he enjoyed it but quickly discovered he preferred crochet. Next was yoga, they’d both grown tired of that after a little less than a month, then it was puzzling (he still has some of those, glued and framed adorning his bedroom walls), flower arranging, and learning how to play the guitar.

He hadn’t been involved in that last one, it had come about while Eddie was still in the hospital post-vecna unable to do much more than watch whatever movies the party brought in for him and strum at his guitar. He’d been all too happy to offer her lessons. Steve figured it was best to leave them to it. He could sing a little, he wasn’t totally tone-deaf, but he’d never been the most musically inclined.

“It looks good.” Eddie smiles, taking Steve’s other hand and lifting it so he can inspect the colors adorning those nails as well.

“You know,” He starts with a smirk, “she’d probably love another volunteer.”

He’s seen Eddie with his chipped black polish before, not nearly as colorful or neat as what Robin has done to Steve’s nails, but he figures he’d probably be up for it. He’s right. It doesn’t take much convincing and that is how the three of them end up sitting cross-legged in Robin's bedroom taking turns picking out the colors and patterns for Eddie’s nails. She really goes all out once she’s decided to commit to something new and Steve doesn’t know where to start with all the colors and shades, he let Robin have full creative rein when it had been him sitting where Eddie is now.

“What about this one?” Steve holds up a dark emerald green.

“I preferred the blue,” She says and he picks up the little glass bottle he’d just set down after a few moments of deliberation between the two.

“This one?”

“Yeah.”

They lock eyes for a moment, a silent conversation passing between them. It always freaks Eddie out a little when they do this. It’s a skill honed from almost two years of friendship and a necessity to communicate at work without being overheard by a customer. Most of the time Steve isn’t even aware it’s happening, he’s not sure Robin is either.

“You’re right, matches the pink better anyway.”

“Do I get a say in this?” Eddie asks, watching them both with an amused smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“No, you picked the last two colors,” Robin replies without looking up from her work, “And stop moving your hands so much.”

The colorful nails earn them a few raised eyebrows from the kids, Steve had been expecting it, Eddie shuts it down before it can go anywhere and it doesn’t take long until the rest of the party are roped into being her practice subjects. The girls are the easiest to convince, El especially, the boys are less enthusiastic until Dustin shows up to a D&D session with red and black nails.

Robin's fixation lasts for another 3 weeks or so until she walks into family video one day with a flyer advertising a ceramic course and Steve knows that the days of freshly painted nails every week are over.

The bottles of paint end up stashed in a draw behind the craft supplies left behind from that time she’d gotten into scrapbooking. Steve convinces her to get them out every now and again, sometimes when he’s had a bad day, other days it’s simply because he misses the pop of color. She always obliges, passing the little brush back and forth as they sit opposite each other and take turns painting each other's nails some obnoxiously bright color.  

[misscammiedawn]

50 Days of HypnoKink - Day 33: Amnesia Play

Alignment: 50-50 so long as my partner is naturally gifted at it or already trained to do it.

I am good at amnesia play. REAL good. I actually had to train myself out of spontaneous PHA at a point of my life. The only reason I assumed hypnosis even worked back then is that I woke up at the awakener part of a file and reacted okay to my triggers (or my partner of the time would just outright tell me how I reacted).

I have no advice for how to do PHA. Spontaneous or planned. I am attempting to teach my boyfriend and I don't even have the slightest clue on how to start.

I think I sometimes forget that in terms of practical experience, I've only been hypnotizing people for about 2 years and my only two hypnotees prior to him have been remarkably well trained and experienced people who have been doing this regularly for over ten years.

Not that the indomitable and unstoppable Miss Dawn has self-esteem or ego problems. Quite the opposite, in fact. I just note that ego and confidence alone do have their limits.

Still. In my most recent story I described it like this:

Post-hypnotic amnesia is different from the homegrown natural kind. For induced amnesia it is lovingly placing a treat in the cookie jar above the fridge and knowing you could collect it at any time but it will be better to wait until you are given permission to enjoy it. Every time the mind goes hunting for that memory there’s a soft and delicate reminder that it’s better to keep waiting, that it’s going to be more fun to let those thoughts drift away.

That is how it tends to be for me. I can scratch at a thing but I know that pulling that thread will not be nice for me so I push my mind away from doing it. It happens automatically. Most of the time I don't even notice that there's anything to pull.

An important part of my flavor of this is The Memories Are Always Restored.

I have enough issues with derealization and unreality without making things worse for myself on purpose. "You'll know it's a hypnotic compulsion" and the good old "Recall" trigger are important to me.

But gosh it opens up so many doors.

I just wanna share one that brings me such joy. It's called the Susan Snap. Named for my favorite fictional character, Susan Sto Helit from Discworld, in Thief of Time she uses snaps to freeze time and in one scene she uses THE VOICE to command her boss to let her go on leave to save the world.

Daja uses a snap to "freeze time" and then tells me the suggestion and returns time to normal with me now compelled to unknowingly follow the new bit of programming.

It took a while before I got good at "blipping" without noticing it but now she can get me mid-sentence and I don't even notice. Then she can just set me off.

This one hasn't happened, but is a good example of what we do here. One of the Oikos cats is often on camera and I can tend to talk to her while we are on call.

So a suggestion could be. "Every time you say the cats name you get a little bit sleepier until you drop"

and I wouldn't realize it happened.

Not until I hear "RECALL" anyway.

It's so fun and I often have a delightful reaction.

---

Day 32: Kinesthetic Inductions

FULL SCHEDULE MASTER POST

Day 34: Stage Hypnosis

[findingtheperfectcharacter]

do you mind if i ask for the receipts on kankri & porrim’s relationship? not bc i disagree lmao just genuinely don’t remember much abt the dancestors

No problem! Okay so I will state ahead of time that their relationship exists for only a few scenes, if you want to see their interactions in video form there’s this https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dFIvrML3x0w&list=PLs7M3iWCG1W4cvAUPxSzzTLkDQZzGopyo&index=2&pp=iAQB and what I’ll be copy-pasting from for this post this transcript http://readmspa.org/transcripts/readmspa-transcript-6_007163_Meenahquest__Part_1_transcript_and_walkthrough.html . If you’d like to draw your own conclusions. I also have individual posts about the thing if you’d like those, but I’m a sucker for making intensely long posts at any given opportunity so let’s go through it!

So… How does Porrim feel about Kankri? Well a lot of their fandom interpretation is built around her giving him his sweater because he used to constantly shiver which is worded like this. PORRIM: Also+, he was always shivering. It gets kind o+f chilly o+ut here, and he just wo+uldn't sto+p. No+t that I minded to+o+ much, but he just has this way o+f making such vo+cal and o+stentatio+us displays o+f suffering, like it's so+me kind o+f righteo+us state o+f being. It gets difficult fo+r everyo+ne to+ endure, especially after eo+ns. Hence his nickname, I guess.

(The Nickname being ‘the Insufferable’, a play on his alternative self’s title The Sufferer and everyone finding him annoying.)

So alright, she thinks he’s a whiny bitch who takes pleasure in his own suffering because it lets him be a martyr. But shrug, this is pretty tame in terms of how trolls talk about each other. I only focus on it because it’s not a one off in how she sees him.

But okay, let’s get to the meat and bones of the matter. Their actual conversation. Now first I need to point out that Porrim’s aware even before talking with them that this is important to Kankri.

PORRIM: I think he might be entertaining so+me delusio+n o+f taking him under his wing. PORRIM: Or if no+t his wing, the red fuzzy arm o+f his sweater.

Anyway, she starts by using a nickname that he hates because it’s infantilizing.

PORRIM: Kanny, leave this po+o+r kid alo+ne.

KANKRI: I'd appreciate it if y9u w9uldn't call me that. We've talked a69ut this. That's what y9u call a wiggler. D9 I l99k like a wiggler t9 y9u, P9rrim? N9, I d9n't. It's 6een three sweeps, plus eternity, f9r, excuse me, "fuck's" sake. I think we can safely retire that particular term 9f "endearment". Call me anything 6ut that, even my 9ther nickname. I'm actually 9k with that 9ne.

This isn’t something she didn’t know about. They’ve talked about how he finds it infantilizing and doesn’t view it as a form of endearment. She continues to use it. He than says, ‘at least don’t use the nickname that I find insulting in front of the kid I’m trying to mentor.’

KANKRI: It w9uld 6e nice if y9u'd at least use my pr9per name in fr9nt 9f my studi9us y9ung Alternian descendant. It really kind 9f er9des my credi6ility, and I d9n't need that in the pr9ximity 9f a fresh faced y9ungster wh9 clearly thirsts f9r kn9wledge. Why w9uld y9u want t9 sa69tage a fine y9ung man's educati9n like that? #Fresh #Faced #Y9ungster #Kn9wledge thirst PORRIM: Ro+lling my eyes here. PORRIM: Can yo+u see? Do+ yo+u want me to+ light them up fo+r yo+u?

This is like… A really basic boundary that she’s weirdly hostile to. I honestly judge you a little bit if you see this as ‘someone behaving like a brat’ instead of ‘someone not liking being told no, don’t call me that’ but that applies to a lot of behavior deemed ‘bratty‘. But I’m not going to go on a rant about that right now

. Continuing, Kankri responds to her bullshit by politely telling her to fuck off. She responds by asking Karkat if he even wants to listen to him (he’s silent but his expression says ‘no’) and than says something that could be viewed as hitting on him, which makes Kankri DEEPLY uncomfortable because Karkat’s vaguely related to him (uh, for lay people out there Dancestor is a portmanteau of Descendant and Ancestor, due to timeline shenanigans in universe A Karkat is descended from an alternate universe Kankri and in universe B Kankri’s descended from alternate universe Karkat.) and also he has hang ups. His overtalking than just takes a wild dive into slut shamming for a hot minute. No his digs at her weren’t okay. She’d actually be correct in spitting venom at him for that, I wouldn’t hold it against her. He apologizes, but it’s undercut by him sort of still doing it. I want to make it clear that Kankri is being a douche here and I won’t defend him on that the way I will his other behaviors the only reason I’m not copy pasting that thing is because it’s 3 paragraphs (but I am willing to if you really want to see it.)

Anyway, Kankri than tries to go back to talking at Karkat. Which prompts this.

PORRIM: Yes, critical lecture. I'm sure.

PORRIM: And am I right in being just as sure yo+u are assiduo+usly deco+nstructing every co+nceivable, hypo+thetical fo+rm o+f injustice no+ matter ho+w o+bscure, except tho+se that I happen to+ think are kind o+f impo+rtant? #Yes

… I started making this post thinking I could do it from her perspective, how she feels about him and clearly barely likes the guy but the only thing I can say is, “You’re not being honest here. What you’re doing is obvious. Stop.” She doesn’t like Kankri’s speeches.

LATULA: grl, pl34s3. dont t3ll m3 your3 go1ng full v4nt4s on m3 h3r3. PORRIM: No+, if I were getting my Vantas o+n, we'd o+nly be getting warmed up. But that's really all I have to+ say o+n the matter.

PORRIM: I do+n't think he cares. PORRIM: Hey, there. Karkat? If yo+u do+n't mind my asking… are yo+u even remo+tely interested in the lo+af supplement this guy's serving?

PORRIM: I no+ticed ho+w yo+u cunningly sidestepped an enco+unter with Kankri do+wn there.#Nicely do+ne.

I said it in another post and I’ll say it again: If Kankri suddenly figured out Feminism and added it to his topics tomorrow it wouldn’t matter. Every bit of dialogue she says suggests that this is about making him shut up because she thinks he’s a whiny brat. It’s the first thing she says about him.

The dialogue continuing makes it obvious that Kankri doesn’t get how misogyny manifests in Beforian society. This could be the perfect time to bring up the sexist double standards that come with the slut shaming he did earlier. This could be a good time for world building. Like

KANKRI: I'm s9rry, I just d9n't think there's much there. We aren't like humans, wh9se species 6izarrely en9ugh includes highly specialized r9les f9r 69th sexes in the pr9cess 9f repr9ducti9n, and s9 this naturally had s9cial ramificati9ns f9r the way their civilizati9n ev9lved. 6ut that's n9t h9w it w9rks f9r us, s9 I fail t9 see h9w gender fact9rs int9 the discussi9n in a way that can 6e effectively and rati9nally pr96lematized. Where is the r99m f9r unexamined privilege in the dich9t9my? I d9n't see it.

It drives me a little mad that she insists on this conversation and when Kankri makes it clear that he doesn’t get this and a these basic questions ‘who benefits from the system of misogyny in a culture without sex and where did said system come from?” She gets pissed. My gal. You literally insisted on having him talk about sexism. You were mad and snarky at him for not having this conversation. Now you’re mad at him FOR having this conversation but not getting it. Anyway, because he doesn’t get it and no one wants to explain it to him, he basically says ‘this is a nonissue that you want me to make an issue on par with the other issues I discuss and I think that’s inappropriate.’

KANKRI: …And appr9priating the talking p9ints and awareness-raising tactics f9r du6i9us issues like this is, frankly, fr9wned up9n, t9 put it p9litely. Such appr9priative gestures 9nly serve t9 marginalize and invalidate th9se su6ject t9 seri9us, real life struggles and 9ppressi9n

Porrim says this triggers her, Kankri apologizes asks to find her moirail in a way that’s a bit quadrant shamy, she calls him a brat and leaves.

So. She walks in, calling Kankri by a nickname he finds demeaning in front of someone she knows he wants to respect him, passive aggressively asks Karkat whether even wants to be there to put Kankri down, asks why Kankri isn’t talking about what SHE wants to talk about, gets mad when it’s clear that the reason is he doesn’t know what he’s talking about and leaves.

That’s interaction 1. In interaction 2, Kankri asks Porrim to stop trying to police his talking points and deliberately embarrass him. Something something he’s studying human culture which leads to her calling him childish and than pointing out the grub sauce on his face. PORRIM: Yes it is. Yo+u have a big smudge o+f sauce, right there. Yo+u're a mess, Kanny. Co+me here. KANKRI: N9! N9, st9p. D9n't t9uch me, I g9t it! #SEE??? #It's fine

PORRIM: Do+n't wipe it o+ff with yo+ur sleeve! Oh my Go+d. I JUST washed that fo+r yo+u. #Gho+st laundry KANKRI: I d9n't care. I didn't ask y9u t9 wash my sweater. I keep telling y9u, I have n9 interest in 6ef9ran p9ssessi9ns. #9r Alternian #9r Earthly

PORRIM: We aren't o+n Befo+rus anymo+re. I wo+rked hard o+n that sweater, and I'm no+t go+ing to+ stand by while yo+u encrust it in grub sauce

… This is one of those scenes where ymmv hard. You could say Porrim’s doing all this shit out of the goodness of her heart. You could say this makes Kankri spoiled for not respecting everything she’s done for him. (that he didn’t ask for.) Personally though. It makes my skin crawl. I was on a server at one time, I have a bit of a habit of fretting over people I like when they say they’re not eating or sleeping or whatever because I prefer my friends safe and alive you know? Than one of them said, ‘hey, don’t fret over me. It makes me uncomfortable. I can take care of myself.’ So I stopped. Because it doesn’t matter how good my intentions are, if someone doesn’t want you to do something to them, you don’t continue doing it. Porrim didn’t catch that memo. Instead.

PORRIM: Why are yo+u always so+ co+ntrary with me? To+ be ho+nest, I think yo+ur need to+ "rebel" against whatever I suggest is what drives yo+ur dismissal o+f my views mo+re than anything abo+ut the views themselves.

He’s not ‘rebelling’. He’s telling you no. He’s telling you he doesn’t want you to do this. You’re ignoring and dismissing that because you don’t actually care. There’s also the obvious hypocrisy of ‘you’re only dismissing my views because you’re being rebellious’ while she dismisses his viewpoints all the Goddamn time. Including literally one sentence later.

PORRIM: Hurdles? Kanny, yo+u sho+uld serio+usly sto+p o+verthinking this stuff. Even I do+n't kno+w what yo+u're talking abo+ut mo+st o+f the time. KANKRI: L99k, I'm just saying, it's a huge risk 9pening that can 9f dirt n99dles, trying t9 educate pe9ple 9n that su6ject 9n t9p 9f everything else. I just d9n't want t9 distract fr9m all the m9re glaring issues that desperately need the full attenti9n 9f 9ur pe9ple if we are g9ing t9 make any pr9gress as a civilizati9n. PORRIM: Pro+gress as a civilizatio+n? PORRIM: Kankri. Our peo+ple are extinct, and yo+u're wo+rried abo+ut "distracting fro+m the mo+re glaring issues"??

Her social issues still matter for the good of civilization and shouldn’t be dismissed despite them being dead. His don’t. Kay. Anyway mothering someone is cool and all but both parties need to be okay with it and you can’t be a weird authoritarian parent who sees your friend as a bratty child about it or else it’s just a normal toxic relationship.

[appalamutte]

I posted 1,406 times in 2022

That's 1,396 more posts than 2021!

165 posts created (12%)

1,241 posts reblogged (88%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@a-very-gay-disaster

@tiredsemanticist

@skeletonzimms

@weneedtotalkaboutfic

@dexsbruins

I tagged 1,333 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#omgcp - 520 posts

#hockey - 320 posts

#other rb - 241 posts

#zimbits - 185 posts

#check please - 130 posts

#sidney crosby - 129 posts

#evgeni malkin - 92 posts

#jack zimmermann - 79 posts

#hockey chatter - 75 posts

#sky says - 71 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#they’re up 4-2 but eric knows not to get cocky just yet‚ and he knows nelly knows that too‚ how he evens his gaze and takes a deep breath.

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

A bag is dropped in the chair across from Eric, and when he looks up from his phone and half-cold bowl of pasta, he finds Camilla Collins standing before him.

“Oh,” he says through a mouthful of penne, struggling to swallow it as quick as possible. It hurts a bit when he finally gets it down. “Hi, there!”

Camilla goes to sit down beside her bag and smiles sweetly over at him. “Hey. Eric, right?”

“Yup, though everyone really just calls me Bitty -- because of my last name, not my size.” Eric screams internally. “Anyway, you didn’t need to know that, sorry.”

Camilla just chuckles and props her elbows onto the table, resting her head on her fist. She’s staring at him like she knows something, but her gaze still looks a bit inquisitive. It’s disconcerting, really. Eric knows she’s Jack’s ex, or ex-hook up, or whatever. Holster and Ransom always mention her at Haus parties when Jack’s clockwork absence is noticed, drunkenly cheering about finally getting her back in bed, and Shitty has vaguely confirmed they were involved with each other on more than one occasion. But no one has ever given Eric a straight answer on Jack’s and Camilla’s history.

It’s not like he’s been able to ask about it much, though, either. Eric’s pretty sure Shitty’s starting to pick up on his hopeless schoolground crush with all the questions, and he can’t even look Lardo in the eye when Camilla’s name is brought up anymore. He can only say a silent prayer of relief that Holster and Ransom are too preoccupied with personal endeavors to notice anything, because he’s certain he’d never hear the end of it from them if they knew.

And no matter what, having said crush’s ex-something sitting before him makes the pasta Eric just swallowed sit uneasily in his stomach.

“Bitty, that’s cute,” Camilla says, and it’s not condescending in any way. “You’re on the hockey team, right? With Jack?”

Eric tries to give a humored smile. “What, do I not look the part?”

“Not at all,” Camilla easily smiles with him, “but I like that. There’s too many meatheads on that team. We’ve been needing someone like you for a long time.”

“Hah, yeah,” Eric says, absentmindedly twisting his fork in the pasta, “good thing I’m here then. Those boys finally have actual dinners rather than microwaved bagel bites. And that kitchen when I moved in? An absolute biohazard, lemme tell you. I think I spent a week scrubbing everything, and another full day just cleaning the inside of the fridge. There was also a cabinet solely for sriracha, and, like, really? I think they had at least thirty bottles of it.”

Eric knows he’s babbling on now, but Camilla has this sparkle in her eye and she’s listening so intently that Eric has to catch himself from letting more unnecessary words tumble out. “And now I’m just rambling,” he finishes with an awkward laugh, “sorry about that.”

“You don’t have to apologize so much,” Camilla tells him, “it’s cute. You’re cute.”

Eric blinks and, with the way she’s looking at him, blurts: “Are you hitting on me?”

“What?” Camilla sits back suddenly. They just stare at each other, both wide-eyed, before they both laugh loud enough for the tables around them to turn their heads. Eric laughs, and laughs, and he thinks at some point Camilla is still laughing just because he’s still laughing. He can’t stop, though. Her laugh is light and airy, a melodic sound that matches everything else about her. It’s nearly perfect. And Eric’s own sounds too shrill and uncontrolled, so he just laughs harder because his heart is plummeting and when he stops it’ll be all too real that he’ll never stand a chance with Jack -- especially if he really was with Camilla at some point.

Which is pathetic because Jack is straight. His ex sitting before Eric with blinding beauty is only adding insult to that injury.

Finally, after too long, Eric wipes at the tears in his eyes and takes a shaky breath. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to ask that,” he says when they’ve calmed down enough. “I don’t know why I even did.”

“I was coming on pretty strong, wasn’t I?” Camilla runs a hand through her hair, pushing it out of her face in the process. They have the same hair color. “I’m sorry for that.”

“No -- don’t apologize!”

She waves a hand dismissively, and Eric watches it, unable to stop from comparing his calloused ones to her soft-looking ones. “Anyway, I just wanted to come by and meet you for myself. Jack told me you’d be here.”

Eric nods and desperately tries not to blush. His cheeks heat up anyway. “Yeah, cold pasta always helps after bio lecture.”

“I bet,” Camilla says, and there’s that glint in her eyes again when she continues: “I’ve heard a lot about you, Bitty.”

“You have?”

“Yeah. He’d be stupid not to go for you.” At first, Eric thinks he wasn’t supposed to hear that with how quiet her voice fell. But then her gaze quickly drops down to his body, then to his hair, before meeting his eyes again, and he’s definitely meant to hear: “He really does have a type, too.”

Eric blinks, opens his mouth but finds he can’t say anything, and Camilla bids him farewell with a promise that he come by and watch a tennis match sometime. Maybe he waves, though he isn’t sure. He just watches her leave, winding through the tables until she’s out the door and there’s nothing but his rapidly beating heart and bright red cheeks left in her wake.

He has a type? 

Then, twisting up the cold pasta in his stomach one more time:

Who’s he?

267 notes - Posted June 23, 2022

#4

How many passive aggressive emails did the Falconers’ nutritionists send Bitty

363 notes - Posted May 8, 2022

#3

Bittle's head lolls to the side as the bus climbs the on-ramp to the freeway, thudding softly against Jack's shoulder. He shifts, too, readjusting his hips, turning toward Jack's body the slightest bit. His hand finding a place on Jack's forearm. His shoulder prodding into Jack's bicep. He doesn't wake, though, and Jack finds he doesn't want to wake Bittle up either.

Using his thumb to bookmark the page in the book he's reading, Jack drops it to his lap and looks over at Bittle. There's nothing but the passing city lights that illunimate all his soft features, features which never seem to callous over: the jut of his jawline, the bow of his lips, the point of his nose. Hair just long enough to fall across the tip of his forehead. Eyelashes so pale Jack can barely make out their curl.

Jack can't explain it. Can't explain the inexplicable comfort that settles deep in his chest, the warmth that blossoms across his cheeks. He drops his gaze further to the stretch of cotton that sculpts Bittle's thighs, the faint hairs on his arms that come and go, glistening under the fading lights.

Slowly, subtly, Jack shifts his body, drops his shoulder to allow Bittle a more comfortable position. His hand on the armrest between them comes alive with nerves, feels everything, and his pinky twitches. Reaches out. Nears Bittle's own.

Bittle shifts again, then, suddenly enough that Jack jerks his hand back and face up to look straight ahead. His heart's pounding. His breath is caught in his throat. He hears Bittle hum, feels Bittle bury his face further into his arm, tightening his shoulders. The grip on Jack's forearm grows stronger for the longest of moments and afterward, Bittle mumbles: "Light. Turn...turn it off."

Reaching up, Jack breathes out a quiet euh and turns the reading light strapped around his forehead off. Another moment lingers, strewn together with held breath and wide eyes, before Bittle relaxes against Jack again and evens his breathing back out.

It's not until they're halfway back to Samwell, somewhere deep in the suburban woodlands of Massachusetts, that Jack allows his eyes to finally close. He didn't feel exhausted before, not even when they all climbed back onto the bus after the game; yet, sleep comes gently, quick, pulls him down with the weight of Bittle againt his side.

Jack hasn't found sleep that easily in a long time.

395 notes - Posted May 7, 2022

#2

See the full post

556 notes - Posted June 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

realizing versus recognizing the difference between bitty’s and jack’s oh moments

See the full post

767 notes - Posted July 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[cody-apexart]

Day 12

This is honestly more or less a shitting on apex post. I apologies, but srsly. My time in Saigon has been so enjoyable, I really love this city and most of the experiences I have had, but the organization and communication style implemented by apex is making this less fun! Im in a bad mood, and had a bad day. Here’s the play by play:

I feel like the zoom mediation class today really set my day up for failure. Ive been practicing mediation on and off for over half my life— at this point Im pretty particular about what I like, and have tried out a lot of different styles to figure out what I enjoy and what works for me. This zoom meditation class lead by some man in southern California really was more of an hour long lecture of this dude talking about how he used to be depressed but now he isnt, and maybe 15 min of mediation max. I was all about work, like work like jobs, like capitalist meditation. When he said the phrase “hiring managers read your energy body” I knew I had heard enough. Which was kinda for the best, because I started looking at my email and noticed two had just come in from apex! One contained information that said the pottery class on my sched started at 9am not 10am. I had been preped to get there at 10, and at the time I was reading that email, it was already after 9am. I called the studio and they said I could still attend, though I did miss an hour of workshop time. Also, once I got there they said the ceramics wont be ready for 2 weeks. In 2 weeks I wont be here anymore. Why wouldn’t yall schedule this class earlier in my schedule? Also it was noted in my sched that the class would cost 40000 VND, but it was really 400000 VND. I also got an email from apex that I was RSVPd for a tech company business mixer. I hadn’t noticed it on my schedule because it was set for the wrong time, the event was probably entered in EST, so it was coming up on friday instead of thursday and was kinda hidden by the other long event on my friday sched. This email was my first time hearing about it, and since I was already reeling from the meditation class and time change to pottery I was like wtfffff.

Like what type of weird ass shit is that? Send someone with no tech experience to an even that is intended for people working in tech and living in Vietnam? Its just like why send me to crash their party? I don’t really understand, there are so many other places I could talk to strangers without being so out of place, like out of place in a way that kinda feels disrespectful and disruptive to the event. I dont mind being out of place or having to talk to stagers, but it just feels rude to show up to an event I rly have no business being at. Since the story slam, anything that comes off eventbrite I am very skeptical of.

Idk why nearly everything on the schedule feels like its made out to be a riddle. The times are wrong, the addresses are wrong. I can never just do what the calendar says and expect it to work out seamlessly. I feel like I spend so much troubleshooting shit that should already be taken care of.

Also I still havnt been reimbursed for this plane ticket?! Even though I sent the necessary info twice, and it says in a number of places that I can request reimbursement whenever id like. Similarly, the agreement I signed notes 45 days will be given in advance to get a visa if necessary, I was given 6 six businesses days notice. Like all of this is just causes what feels like /unnecessary/ stress, unless that feeling is all part of the program too? Im trying to just learn a lesson in loosing control.

Anyway, I went a little rouge today and didnt go to capoeira. I was emotionally exhausted, and my ankle is a little weird and clicky from walking so much. This is the first activity ive skipped-- I probably wouldnt have skipped it if I didnt already do the class last week, but knowing how intense it was, and how bad I felt, it was the right decision for me today. I cant wait for this upcoming day off. Two weeks non-stop is starting to get to me.

I went to a later screening of the movie since my evening was free, and wow, another movie centered around a traumatic pregnancy experience. The main character miscarried during a robbery at 6 months. I watched the trailer this time to avoid this type of thing, but it didnt reveal that plot point. actually the whole movie was actually about really toxic abusive relationships, but the trailer made it seem like a comedy. Anyway this was less fucked up than the abortion horror movie, but still fucked up. okay, but also the main character did ceramics, and i did a ceramics class this morning...was that planned? how curated are these days? I think this trip is the only time I have ever been in a movie theater without a friend or companion. Watching movies alone is totally new for me, just like how ive literally never used a pottery wheel before today. Also mark making scares me so painting the ceramic bowl I made was notably difficult for me. I am incredibly grateful for these experiences despite everything i just vented about.

[royalsofsimstanstaisia]

Update:

I will now be updating my tumblr alongside my Instagram! I decided there’s too many past posts for me to ever be up to date here, so for Chapter One and the beginning of Chapter Two, you can find the story on my IG. I’d recommend for context!

https://www.instagram.com/royalsofsimstanstaisia/

Some other things:

I stream on Twitch a few times a week with behind the scenes stuff, building etc with my royal save! You can find me on:

 I have a YouTube channel which I’m going to try upload more on, I currently have a Palace Tour, build video & video of me taking photos in game (saved streams) but I want to make more videos so if that interests you, you can follow me on:

You can also ask me things about my story/account! I’m as WCIF as I can be, but please know some cc I got over a year ago now so it might be hard for me to locate some but I’ll certainly try my best!

Anyway, this was a long message!

- Alice ♥️

[straykats]

anyways hi guys i love u all here are some thoughts ive had

on ocean vuong and my own writing. i'm revisiting vuong's works for an assignment (bc i suddenly have the opportunity to centre an entire project around it the way that i want to hehe) and i think i'm realising how much he's influenced ymy writing fr? obviously not like. the stuff i post/ed here but the stuff i've done for my writing classes. i've acknowledged his work/s as inspiration, but mainly in the 'his use of the vietnamese language...' way but i think my writing style in general leans towards his as well.. and idk how i feel about that? i'm not saying i write exactly like him or as well as him (god no) but the tone? but i do want to believe that i've written in That Tone and Style before (im pretty sure i have, even before reading on earth) but im scared that im 'copying' his style. idk. i really do love the voice he uses when he writes, the way he poses questions and presents ideas. yes i would love for my writing to affect people the way his has affected mine. but i don't.. i want to still have my own thing, that isn't mine just because the reader hasn't read vuong's works? and ig its all about pov and interpretation at the end of the day - it all lays in the hands (eyes? mind?) of the reader/audience how something is interpretted, irrespective of creator intent - but i'm stil lconscious of it. idk. hm. smth to consider when i write later this week ig.

on my own writing (in general). i think i really do lack so much faith in myself. the feedback i've gotten back for my writing assignments have honestly all been beyond what i ever thought i could get (?????? fckin full marks last sem???? and this sem, a HD even though i gave it so little thight????) but i still don't think. i'm like. capable of pursuig writing in any capacity. i know one way to kind of 'venture out there' and find out how i fare 'in the real world' is to apply to comps and lit mags and stuff but i just. ahhhbhdsvhsvsvs when i think outside of the uni context i just don't think i have it in me but again, i realise i just need to kind of start applying to and entering stuff but ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

on crushes and relationships. sometimes i have like. Thoughts. like just passing 'oh i hope they think of me' or 'oh i hope they (only) do this to/with me' etcetc and i'm like. oh okay maybe this is what a crush is???? because in school it was more of a. like. the people i was conscious of were people i was being teased about, so i was conscious of them and had similar thoughts but not.. the way i do now? like. i was just worried that the other person would feel a certain way about something, or would only do something with me, would treat me differently etc and then people would notice and then the teasing and the rumours etc would get worse. but now im like. just thinking it myself. no anxieties other than 'oh is this weird' 'what if this is a crush? what if i actually have a crush on my friend/s????' (yes plural okay wait i'm getting to that soon) and idk like. the whole realm of 'romantic or platonic?' is not an unfamiliar one. but it being familiar does not mean i have an answer sigh. anyways. why plural friends??? (and additinoal question, which i wont explore here, but whats the general opinion on having multiple crushes? is that a thing? i know polyamory is a thing, but im not looking for or want a poly relo. is it even possible to have multiple romantic crushes at once? does that mean theyre NOT romantic? anyways. moving on.)

the one male friend who i am very conscious of having these thoughts about: we're not exactly childhood friends, but we were friends in childhood..? as in, we went to the same school. forced friendship kinda vibes. friends the way the majority of people in a primary schooler's class is their friend. but then i moved schools and ended up keeping in contact with him (amongst other primary school friends) and then we had serious/personal convos? and then we stopped talking for 5-8 years (memory sucks okay sorry) and then. now we work together and long story short we do share a friendgroup? but i'm not super close with him and idk if thats just how he is but ANYWAYS like do i just want us to be closer friends bc i ??? idk like i do wanna be closer friends w him uh guys this is actually EMBARRASSING

my best friend: okay look im more accepting of the fact that i do not (currently?) actually have a romantic crush on her but also like. what if i do and i just dont realise it and one day i realise it but its too late bc she'll be engaged fr (she has a boyfriend rn and i'm chill w it? sometimes i think smth about them and im like ??? wait huh is this jealousy or smth??? but then im like no its literally not) but yeah idk its 1am rn and my head isnt working so tldr; im pretty sure i dont have a romantic crush on her but i also do wish our friendship was more phsyically affectionate, the way some of my other female friendships are? and i think thats what confuses me? she's aware she's not a physical person (even w her bf) and we're aware that i am NVJKNVKS hm idk im making sense in my head but i dont think i am in writing

anyways them two^ do be the main ???? but im also like. what if im just wanting a different type of friendship yknow. like how much do i want. at what point is it no longer wanting a closer/different friendship, and is actually wanting a romantic friendship? how does one 'develop' romantic feelings??? im so confused man i wish there was a diagnostic criteria for these types of things. i cuold write a whole thing about rom/platonic relationships and confusion. maybe the confusion is a sign in itself (maybe im aro? but the idea of an (intentional and sconiously) romantic relationship is so neat and comforting and i??? but what if---- what if i just lobotomise myself fr feelings are so confusing

on the home situation [cw: fam neg, divorce, mental health?] mum got a house and she wants me to move in with her, if not both myself and my brother. dads kinda being a dick about this whole thing, but i also understand that with the way it happened, hes probably got a lot going on mentally. i don't like.. i don't like being able to understand and think about others the way i do. i become too conscious of the (possible) reasons why someone is acting the way they are. i get too empathetic and understanding and i don't know how to draw lines and do things with myself as a priority. i can't make choices that put my safety and wellbeing first, because i understand why everyone wants what they want and why they need what they want. i might even be extrapolating and overthinking things to the point that theyre not even half truths anymore. i'm so scared to make choices and hurt people because i've grown up with such strong fears that all sorts of bad things will happen if i do this or that, if i make someone feel a certain way. and theres a conscious part of my brain thats like. well. conscious that i need to Snap Out Of It and realise that i cant keep thinking and living like this and i need to prioritise myself at somepoint. idk i have a lot to say about this but i think it would need a sep post on its own. and better analysis of content post-writing to identify relevant warnings. hm. anyways. times do be tough.

on stationary, desk set ups, and productivity. this bits just for funsies but ive recently been kinda obsessed w the spiral notebooks that u can like. refill/replace paper etc and i think theyre so neat so i got a bunch of different paper packs and also folders or whatever BUT ive been too scared to use them? last week i tried to start like. daily planning and semi-journalling and i drew up september in calendar format or whatever and then a daily task thing w time schedules etcetc (trust okay the vision was visioning) and i knew i probably wouldnt be able to this daily but i could at least do it some days and try and get into a pattern but anyways yeah have not looked at it since KFJJKFNJSKNFSK. but i'm using the paper/folder thing now for project development (assignment) and i also want to have one dedicated to references etc (like an annotated bibliography kinda thing) bc a lot of the work i do centers around similar concepts so old material stays handy yknow but i always end up having to pull up old assignments and trying to remember what was in each reference. anyways. problem for later. i also got the logitech casa pop-up desk thing and i'm enjoying it v much. also got a desk lamp thing from amazon and its ocming tmrw and i'm hoping getting better lighting at my desk will make me more productive (i tend to be more productive working at the kitchen table, but its not ideal bc dads in the living room doing karaoke ....