#anyways im obsessed with them. their parents contacted them for the first time in 5 years to let them know they are getting a divorce

[localcryptic]

for avi jones:

What’s something that makes them laugh every single time? Be specific! (note: you don't have to be specific)

What’s their instinct in a fight / flight / freeze / fawn situation?

If they committed one petty crime / misdemeanor, what would it be? Why?

Do they give tough love or gentle love most often? Which do they prefer to receive?

answer any you want to/any that apply :3

(sorry it took so long for me to get to this ! as a bonus i shall include a picture of them)

What’s something that makes them laugh every single time? Be specific!

avi jones is definitely a nervous laugher, so tbh i think the most likely thing to make them laugh Every single time is being put in awkward situation where they don't know what else to do. also, the more likely they are to be caught completely off-guard by a joke, the more likely they are to laugh at it- much more than if they were expecting it in any possible way

What’s their instinct in a fight / flight / freeze / fawn situation?

the boring but true answer is "it depends" - growing up, their immediate instinct was always Fawn, but that's a habit they've worked really hard to kill.

when attempting to confront a personal issue, they'll pretty much always default to Flight; they are Very good at running away from and ignoring the ugly truths they don't want to recognize.

however, when confronted with an Actual Life Threatening Emergency, such as An Actual Monster Is Attacking Them (monster of the week, my beloved ttrpg), all their usual anxiety and caution goes straight out the window and their default impulse is Fight. There is a danger, they are qualified to handle it, by god, they're gonna be Useful even if it kills them. they rush headfirst into danger and only panic later when they realize how stupid it was.

If they committed one petty crime / misdemeanor, what would it be? Why?

this is funny because nowadays at like, 26 years old, they're the most straitlaced put-together-acting nerd who never goes out and has only attended awkward office holiday parties, so most people would be surprised to hear about the very non-hypothetical drug possession charges they had back in college OOPS. if you asked them about it now they'd say something like haha well everyone got a little crazy in college but the real answer is they were like, having a devastating mental breakdown with zero actual coping mechanisms in place. its okay they got better (they don't think they need therapy but they desperately do)

Do they give tough love or gentle love most often? Which do they prefer to receive?

ooh this is interesting. i think gentle love. they're bad at expressing themself directly but a little gesture means a lot to them- when they care they'll remember your coffee order, finish up a task for you without telling you because they know you're stressed, make sure to have the kind of snacks you like in stock. they've gotten enough shit over time under the guise of "tough love" that they shy away and would rather offer the "i'm here if you need me" kind of love, and they'd probably want the same in return. sometimes they need someone who can be hard on them, but that person has to know the right time to not risk scaring them off, y'know?

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: July 10th

I really let asks get away from me lately. I was super focused on working on that Patreon Moment. With that done I can finally think about doing other things, so here’s a new collection of answers!

Thank you for sending in questions everyone ^^.

For the new Patreon moment, will you be able to reference it in step 4? Or just like a tiny nod to it if you pick certain choices?

There won’t be. I’m sorry if you were hoping for that! The Patreon moment is meant to be entirely optional, it’s not something that gets you extra content in the main game.

Is the new CG artist the main one now? :0 I’ve noticed theres been a difference in the art style recently. Is the old CG artist still going to make art for the game? :0

The original artist still makes CGs for the game sometimes, but he mainly focuses on character sprites.

Are you going to put the NSFW our life moment on a website other than patreon? I would love to get it but I can't use patreon atm.

I don’t know. I'm afraid we can't release the Patreon Moment on a normal game storefront because we can't mix 18+ content with our family friendly game. If there's some other place similar to Patreon where it's not the normal type of full-scale public content releases we'd consider using that, but I’m not sure if there is another site that’s better than Patreon in that regard. I'm sorry.

Out of curiosity, in all of your games so far, which characters in each were the most fun to write? They obviously don't have to be your favorite characters!

Buffalo Seer in AFA, really everyone in XOD/XOBD is pretty equally entertaining to write, The Guide in LoV, and Cove in OL!

idk if you accept "personal" questions, but is there anything you've been watching/ listening to lately

Mostly, I’ve been watching/listening to Authortube videos as of late! It’s people who talk generally about the process of how books become traditionally published and/or share their own experience as they attempt to be published. I don’t have an interest in writing normal text based books, but it’s really interesting to hear about that world. I’m listening to a video about royalties right now as I answer these asks.

Will one of the desserts we get to pick be fudge? That'd be such a cute reference! 

Haha, yeah, it should. Unless I completely blank on it and forget when trying to include the various referential food options.

I don't know if this has been asked previously but what would be the approximate heights for the presets MC can choose from Step 2 ~ 4? Are there any measurement you had in mind? Sorry if I didn't make myself clear kk I've been struggling with my English lately 💀 

I don’t know, ahah. I didn’t have any numbers in mind for that. So it’s whatever you imagine it is!

I noticed a bug with the Patreon moment when it comes to what your character wears. When Jamie and Cove are kissing while my character only had dresses selected, I had both the option to remove the dress or to remove the shirt... Picking one of the options to interact with Cove, after he removed his shirt, it had Jamie remove their shirt followed by ther pants despite only having dresses picked. 

Thank you for reporting ^^

I keep refreshing steam to see when the new doc for xobd will be released. I noticed you haven't posted anything about it in quite some time. Would it be possible to ask about a timeline/potential date? (If it's even this year—) I know you and your team are probably working super hard, I'm just super curious! ~Thank you!~ 

There are more stories done, I just haven’t gotten around to publicly releasing them. Hopefully I will have a chance to spend the time on that sooner rather than later!

hello!! i’m not sure if it’s an update but i’ve just replayed our life and at the end i can’t propose to cove anymore? :(( i’ve actually tried playing twice but the options are not there anymore, did you guys remove the options? i’m sorry if you’ve answered this before!! thank you and have a good one :) 

I’m afraid things haven’t been changed or removed, so I think you might’ve accidentally picked the wrong things somewhere along the way and locked yourself out of being able to propose by mistake. Sometimes you meant to say you want to get married but instead you mis-click and have it so the MC isn’t thinking about marriage or something. All I can suggest is starting from the beginning of Step 3 and making sure to follow the steps listed in the FAQ. I’m sorry for that.

Did yall remove some of the options for when youre making out with Cove in the charity moment? I could've sworn you could grab his bonkadonk and its not there anymore 

This is the same situation as the above. We didn’t remove things and you’re not wrong that there are sometimes those options. But there are various choices you have to make to get those options and it sounds like you accidentally missed something. If your relationship isn’t long-term, you can’t do it for example.

HI IM SO EXCITED I CAN FINALLY GET THE STEP 3 DLC 

Thank you for getting it!

Is Shiloh super totally straight bc I’m very gay and a huge Shiloh fan, would my man make an exception?😩

Sadly, he is one of our super straight characters. I’m sorry.

Hi, I have a very dumb question. In Step 2 does Cove not wanna share his drink with us at the mall (or rather why he stops drinking it) because it's an indirect kiss? Or is it like ...weird to him to share? Because if I remember right he eats off our spoon in the birthday scene right? 

Yeah, he’s awkward about it because he likes the MC and it feels very personal to share a straw with his crush.

Hi! If you don't mind me asking, who is the artist for OL2? Their style is so pretty! 

Thank you for saying so! This is her Twitter- https://twitter.com/redridingheart

Do Beginnings & Always and Now & Forever exist in the same universe? 

Yep! XOXO Droplets also exists in the same universe. It’s one big GB Patch world, haha.

Do Pran's parents regret the way they raised him? Do they feel ashamed of it?

No. They’re the type of people best cut out because they’re not gonna change. Which is why Pran does go very limited contact when he’s an adult.

Hi! I just wrapped up my second playthrough of Our Life, and I absolutely adore it, but I had a question. I went to the gallery and found I was missing 2 CGS (specifically Step 1-3 and 2-3) and I had no clue where they would've shown up. Which moments are those found in? 

You get it by telling Cove about his dad offering you money to be his friend in Step 1 and Step 2. You can’t get both in one playthrough, since you can only tell Cove the truth once. I’m really glad you liked it!

Hi hi! Please, how tall is Baxter and Derek? Love the game so much and I can't wait to see more! 

I don’t know, aha. I think Baxter was around 5′10 and Derek was like 5′8/5′9, maybe. I really am not one who has specific heights for things in mind.

is adult cove a bottom, top, or switch? 

A switch, though would choose the top if he had to pick.

I was wondering if there is a way to transfer save data? Even if through the game files. I wanted to be able to transfer my save data from my desktop over to my laptop so that I could continue playing right where I left off from but I'm not entirely sure how to go about that. 

If you save the save folder/persistent data of the game from your desktop and put it into the game folder on your other device, that could work.

Hi! Is it possible for us to know the date when our life: now and forever comes out on steam? Sorry if you've mentioned it before but I haven't seen it and I'm looking foward to that happening and just wanted to know :) 

It’s gonna be a long time, I’m afraid. There’s no estimate right now.

I started playing Our Life with my sister a while ago, and I think you guys should know that we discovered your secret. >:)

L from death note and Cove are clearly the same person, and this whole game is just an origin story!!

I’ve never seen that show so I’m sorry to say I don’t understand the connection/reference you’re trying to make. I’m pretty out of the loop when it comes to media. I don’t watch movies or TV.

Will OL2 have options for disabled MCs?

I understand if it's too complicated, just curious

Unfortunately, it’s not really something we have a plan for. We couldn’t finish the game if we tried to include every disability and have it be meaningful. It’d just be too much content to create. But if we decide to only include a few, how would we choose which disabilities get to be represented and which are left out? I don’t know. It’ll probably have to be something we don’t include as an option again, sadly. I’m sorry.

playing our life > anything else 

Haha, I’m glad you’re enjoying it.

Honestly, I would like to thank Our Life for helping me come to terms with my sexuality. Before, I never would've actually thought that it was possible to like boys romantically and still be asexual. Almost all of the BL visual novels I've read had unskippable sexual content in them and it honestly just didn't click with what I feel. I'm glad I found Our Life. I love the game, the developers, and this fandom so much. Now, I can safely come out as homoromantic AND asexual (at least anonymously here anyway; my parents are still huge homophobes 😂). 

Aw, it’s great to hear you felt comfortable being yourself in the game! That’s wonderful. I’m really sorry about your parents, though.

Will the demo for OL2 be on android? Really not sure if I could wait any longer than I have to aha 

Yeah, it’ll be available for Android once we eventually release a demo!

Do all these reveals perhaps mean development is progressing ahead of schedule? Please let that be the case I'm already obsessed with Qiu 

No, sorry, aha. Art comes along much faster than script/programming-work for us. It’s gonna be a long time before the game is a finished thing you can actually play. But at least we can look at the beautiful images.

Hey! First of all I wanna say I reallllllyyyyy loooovvveeee Our Life and XOXO Droplets! I have over 300 hours of playtime on Our Life… Anyways, I was just wondering, are the Derek and Baxter DLCs going to come out at the same time? If not, which one do you plan to release first? :3 

They will come out separately and Derek will be first! Glad you like the game.

I keep replaying Our Life to get every possible iteration and I am loving it <3 I was wondering if Cove gets locked out of his confession because MC was talking to Lee, would it be possible to confess to him in step 4? 

Yeah, you can avoid the confession in Step 3 and then get it in Step 4.

Hi, my Cove wears bracelets through step 2 and 3 but I still don't get an option to give him a bracelet? I didn't even know that was possible until I seen someone else ask about it lol 

Hm, did you use the Cove creator? Maybe there’s a bug where using the creator to add bracelets doesn’t fulfill the requirement to give Cove a bracelet in Step 3.

Wait, I'm dense, when does Baxter appear in step 2? Is it from big park firework? I feel so bad since i really love Baxter and waiting to buy his dlc. 

It’s in the Soiree Moment. You have to be just friends with Cove, indifferent, or crushing but not ask Cove to the dance at all. Then while there you can find someone new to dance with. But if you bring Cove to the dance while crushing, the MC won’t wanna dance with anyone else so you can’t get the scene.

In step 2 when we go to the soiree I made my mc go alone and baxter chooses the mc to dance, i'm curious, why did he pick the mc? sorry if this has been asked before! 

Because the MC looked to be around his age, seemed to also be searching for a partner, and had nice legs. A perfect option for him.

I read some of the FAQs, and I saw that we could tell Baxter about the condo that he rented there was previously the mean old grandparents. how do we get the mc to tell him that? 

It happens in the DLC Moment “Late Shift”. If you don’t have a job you instead get a longer scene with Baxter.

I don’t know if you’ve addressed this or not, but are you planning on paying voice actors for our life: now and forever? 

Yeah, we pay our VAs in all our projects.

hey can i ask how you did the moments thing in ol? im trying to get into making visual novels and while im VERY sure its out of my comfort zone and all that atm i kinda wanna know just for the future, bc im p sure it would work well for something i wanna do :O but its also fine if you cant say for other reasons :> 

I’m afraid I’m not sure what you mean. Are you asking how we programmed the screen or something script related? Adding Moments like that is pretty straightforward, though. You just have buttons that open to different labels and then the scripts are essentially individual short stories/vignettes. Good luck with your VN!

Since Autumn becomes gender fluid later in the game, will there be a character who remains as he/him to romance in game? 

OL1 has the he/him LIs, OL2 is all about other genders.

I don't want to impose on your creative plans, but a parrot could possibly make a good pet in an OL-type game? They're pretty long-lived and likely to still be thriving by the end even if the MC got them back in step 1. 

I do appreciate the suggestion, but I’m afraid it’s not likely going to happen. I understand there are technically some animals that could theoretically live long enough to last the whole game that or we could have the MC only get a pet after some years have already passed. But the many things that would have to be considered/accommodated for makes it just something we probably can’t manage adding. I’m sorry.

As time passes will we be able to see Qiu and Tamarack's other stage arts as well?

They are both so cute i can't wait to be friends with them!

Yeah, we’ll show content from other Steps in the future. It’ll be a little while from now, though.

Can you date Cove and still have your family comfort you in the car?

You can’t get Cove’s Step 3 confession scene if you have the family comfort you in the car. But that’s not the only way to date him. You can get together with him earlier in the game or later on in Step 4.

Is Mc always going to be the one walking down the aisle or could Cove do it? Also could you choose to have one of your moms walk you? 

No. Cove wouldn’t want to walk down the aisle like that and the MC automatically respects that. And the MC also gets to have their preferences respected, so it’s up to you whether they want to do an aisle walk or not. You also can pick who, if anyone, walks with you.

Once step 4 is out, will you be able to go the whole game on crush/love without either of you confessing? 

Yes, as long as you tell the game you don’t want to progress the relationship. Even in Step 4 it won’t force you to officially get together.

Howdy, so in Step 4, there will be any Romance with Derek that is not part of any dlc? 

He’s only a friend unless you get his romance story.

Will the step 4 in OL2 be one big step or are you considering moments? 

Step 4 is just an epilogue in both games.

hi kind of a weird question but!! we know tht cliff doesn't start dating again but. wht abt flings? like does he ever do 1 night stands or anything? thank u!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Nope. Cliff has a very small interest in sex. If he’s not in a real relationship with a partner he’s crazy about it simply isn’t something he feels a need for, so one night stands wouldn’t even cross his mind.

sorry if you've already answered this, but i was wondering if there were plans for there to be bonus love interests in OL2 like how we have derek and baxter in OL1.

Maybe! There are side characters who could be given romance stories, but whether or not it will happen depends on funding and how long everything else takes to finish.

I don't know if i'm allowed to ask about ol2 here yet, if not u can ignore this or answer it later. My question is can you date one of them and be good friends with the other? I don't want to be strangers with the other bcs i love them both a lot :<

Yes you can!

what patreon level do i have to be to unlock the nsfw moment? im on the $5 one right now, will that give me access to the moment, or just access to the moment progress? 

That’ll give you access! Tier 2 and anything higher allows the player to download it.

[serendipityseulgi]

8 Ways of Love;

— park seonghwa

according to the ancient greeks, there are eight different types of love. here is:

･*:༅｡ the one known as pragma, the enduring love.

aka, the kind of love that matures and develops over a long period of time, and somewhat rare to find. 

8 ways of love series; version i

A love story that shows the progression of yours and seongwha’s relationship from the moment you two become friends, to lovers, to exes, and everything else in between. 

love catalyst: the subconscious.

At the age of six years old you declare Park Seonghwa to be your boyfriend, solidifying your “relationship” with a hug.

“Eww, y/n, you have cooties!” your best friend barks, pushing you off him.

“Wha- hey no I don’t!” you squeak.

“Yes you do because Mingi told all the boys not to touch the girls because they have a disease and it’s going to eat our bodies alive!” he practically screeches getting up from the sandbox about to walk away from you.

“Seonghwaaa he’s lying!” you whine out and he huffs turning around to face you.

“Well all the other boys are listening to him so he has to be right.” 

“Well I touched you yesterday when we were playing tag and you’re fine!” you defend. “And if all girls have cooties then how come your mommy still hugs and kisses you goodbye in the morning? Wouldn’t you be dead now?”

Even at the age of 6 you were the biggest smartass Seonghwa knew.

After a moment of deliberation, he sighs. “Okay fine, you’re right.” your friend huffs. 

“So are you gonna back so we can play again?” you ask, arms crossed over your little body. 

Seonghwa nods before grabbing onto your hand to drag you back into the sandbox. 

The two of you return to making your sandcastle and it’s only a mere two minutes later does your friend speak up.“Am I actually your boyfriend now?” he asks suddenly and you whip your head towards him.

“Well I hugged you so yeah.” you roll your eyes at him and his soft little laugh makes your tiny heart jump.

Within the next week you two forget you’re “boyfriend-and-girlfriend” and go back to being the best friends you’ve always been, playing in the sandbox after school, watching cartoons at your house, and never missing a single dinner together while your parents listen to the two of you talk your little heads off.

For the record, there wasn’t much of a difference in your so-called relationship and your friendship in the first place when you were just six years old.

 At thirteen years old, your best friend confesses he likes you.

“Okay I know this is weird because, I should see you as like, a sister or something, I don’t know!” Seonghwa rants, pacing back and forth in your bedroom as you watch him frantically explain the way he feels about you.

“You know what I mean though? You’re like, practically family to me! Right? Right...” you figure he’s talking more to himself than to you as he asks himself questions that he’s quick to answer to. “Like you’re probably gonna think I’m weird or something, but you are my best friend and I don’t want it to be weird-”

“Seonghwa for the love of god can you just get to your point.” you interrupt impatiently.

“I like you okay?” he says quietly, avoiding all eye contact with you. 

His heart is beating so fast he feels like it’s actually going to rip right through his chest. He’s never been nervous around you ever. You’re his best friend, and you have been since you were 5 years old, and he doesn’t know why he suddenly feels like you’re the only girl he wants in his life. 

When he hears you laughing at him his heart drops to his stomach and he braces himself for the upcoming rejection.

“Can you come sit next to me.” you ask, gesturing to the empty spot on your bed. 

Seonghwa complies, yet his anxiety is rising by the second. He has never been so nervous in all the thirteen years he’s been alive. He almost wants to vomit as his stomach churns at the thought of you telling him you didn’t feel the same way.

“You’re rejecting me aren’t you...” he sighs, plopping down onto the spot next to you.

You shake your head with a smile. “No idiot, I like you too. Obviously.” you roll your eyes at him.

“Wait, what? Seriously??” he almost goes into shock. “Are you joking?”

“I mean, I thought it was pretty obvious.” you shrug. “I was throwing subtle signs at you for the longest time.”

“Like what?!” 

“Like the time I kept pestering you to take me to the Valentine’s Day dance, and when I made you hold my hand during that scary movie when you know I never get scared of horror films. Oh, and the time you kept badgering me about why I rejected Hongjoong for no good reason. I kept telling you that you were the only guy I needed in my life and you were too oblivious to realize I didn’t mean it in the friend way anymore.” you chuckle.

“Oh... Oh,” Seonghwa realizes. “I really am oblivious then.”

“It’s okay, I already knew you liked me back anyways.” you smirk at him, grabbing your remote off the bedside table.

You flip the TV on as you feel Seonghwa’s heavy gaze on you. “So does this mean you’re my girlfriend?” he asks you and you pause.

“I mean technically we never broke up when we were six so you’re basically just re-asking me out.” you tease, pulling the blankets on both your bodies as you settle on a show to watch.

“Oh god, you still remember that?” 

Of course you do. 

“Obviously, how could I forget you screaming to the entire park that I had cooties.” 

He laughs at that and you can’t help but smile widely hearing him. You both lay comfortably next to one another, watching intently at the show in front of you, yet both your minds were racing at the fact that officially, you could say you were boyfriend and girlfriend. 

“So when did you start liking me?” he asks you. 

“Honestly, I think I always did.” you answer truthfully. “But, like actually realizing my feelings for you?” you pause for a moment to think. “I think it was when you got really sick that one time and your parents were away for a business trip, and my mom made me drop off soup to your house. And I was only supposed to drop off the soup but I took care of you because even when you were all snotty and gross and barely awake to hang out with me, I kinda just realized I’d rather spend my time with you doing that than anywhere else.”

His eyes soften at you. “Aww.”

“Buuut then before that, there was also that time that Ashley told you she liked you and I got super jealous and I was actually going to shove her into a brick wall, so ...I kinda just figured...” you add.

“Way to ruin a sappy moment, moron.” Seonghwa playfully shoves you and you laugh. 

You cuddle up next to him returning your attention back to the show in front of you. Only a few minutes pass before Seonghwa speaks up again, and his question catches you off guard.

“What if we break up... like eventually?” 

You think about it for a second. “Then we go back to being best friends.”

“That easy?”

“That easy.” you nod. 

“For the record though, I don’t ever want there to be a time where I don’t like you. I hope there isn’t.” he says.

“I hope there isn’t either.” you assure, and just like that, you two go back to watching tv.

You’ve always had a soft spot for Seonghwa so it never came as a surprise to you, or anybody for that matter when you figured out you had a little crush on your best friend. 

In a hypothetical situation, if somewhere along the way your feelings ever started to fade, you still couldn’t picture a life where he wasn’t right beside you no matter what. He was your person, and he has been since you two were five. There was nobody in this world that could replace the bond you had with him.

Even at the age of thirteen, you knew you wanted Seonghwa to be there for the rest of your life.

At the age of fourteen and a half, you and Seonghwa have your first ever fight where he conveniently declares that he loves you for the first time. 

seonghwa <3; received 4:24 pm

y/n can u not be like this and talk to me :( 

plsssssss

i’m sorry

can u let me come over and talk to u

Your phone continues to buzz as you stare at it beside you, rolling your eyes at his insistent messaging.

You try your best to ignore it but the continuous beeping irritates you to no end.

you; delivered 4:26 pm

no

i’m mad at u.

seonghwa <3; received 4:26 pm

:(

you; delivered 4:27 pm

can u like do smth with ur life instead of bothering me

seonghwa <3; received 4:27 pm

ouch.

Okay, you admit. That one was a low blow and for a second you almost feel bad until you’re reminded of the fact that you were still royally pissed at him.

you; delivered 4:28 pm

ur actually annoying

seonghwa <3; received 4:28 pm

ya ik i am

but yk what i’m not

someone who is going to do nothing about their gf being mad at them

so open ur window bc im climbing up so i can apologize

stop being a meanie and let me say sorry

Despite how mad you still are, your heart can’t help but skip a beat reading his messages. No matter how hard you wanted to stay angry at him and tell him to go away, you knew you wouldn’t be able to resist him even if you tried. Seonghwa was charming like that, always managing to sweet talk you in every way. 

You crack open your window and see his tuft of black hair climbing up your ladder. As he hops into your bedroom you fold your arms across your chest, not daring to say a word to him until he speaks first.

“Look, I’m sorry for being an ass earlier.” Seonghwa apologizes, and all you do is look at him. He sighs before continuing. “I was just having a bad day and took it out on you and I shouldn’t have blown up on you during class. I get it. Dick move.”

“But then you had to go and talk to Ashley about it?” you added. “That was like the worst part of it! Do you trust her more than me or something?”

“What? No! Of course not!” he panics. 

“You, and everyone else and their mother knows she’s like obsessed with you!” you shout in frustration. “She’s liked you for so long, do you know how stupid you made me look running off to her knowing how she feels about you?!”

“That wasn’t my intention-”

“Were you trying to make me mad?”

“No, y/n.”

“Did you do it to make me jealous?”

“No!”

“So why Seonghwa, did you have to go and vent to her after you yelled at me in front of everyone when all I did was try to help?”

“I don’t know, okay!”

“I just don’t understand why me of all people you had to take it out on. When all i’ve literally done for you for like the last ten freaking years of us being friends was listen to you when you had a bad day or try to cheer you up when you were down! Never once when I was feeling crappy did I take that out on you. Never.” you explain with a heavy sigh. 

“I’m sorry.” he doesn’t know what else to say because he knows he’s in the wrong. 

“Do you like her or something?” your voice is quiet and the hurt is evident. “Cause if you do just tell me.”

Seonghwa is quick to shut you down as he pulls you into his arms.

“No, no, no. Y/n, I don’t like her. I don’t. Please believe me.” he begs. “Look, I don’t know why I went to her when I should’ve gone to you. I couldn’t even begin to explain what was going through my head at that point because I don’t know. But I love you, okay? I would never, ever like Ashley.”

Your eyes widen and you pull away from him. “W-what did you just say?”

“I... um...” Seonghwa starts to fumble over his words because he didn’t exactly intend to tell you, but it sort of just came out and now he’s starting to panic.

“Do you mean it?” you ask.

He just nods, a little embarrassed at his sudden declaration.

“I love you too.” you say softly, and he relaxes.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

"I’m really sorry, y/n.” he pulls you close to him, burying his face into your hair as he hugs you tightly.

“I’m sorry too.” you murmur against him.

“I hate fighting with you.” he mumbles.

“Me too.”

“I promise I’ll never take my anger out on you again. And I’ll never talk to Ashley again. And I’ll literally do whatever you want me to if it means you won’t stay mad at me because I don’t like it when you’re mad at me, and I hate making you sad.” he rambles and you let out a small chuckle.

“Just come lay down and watch Friends with me.”

“Okay.”

And you ultimately forget that you’re mad at Seonghwa because you decide that you can’t really stay mad at him after he tells you that he loves you. And although all is forgiven, he still decides to grovel for the next week as a reassurance that he really meant his apology.

So at fourteen years old, you have your first, and last fight with him.

At the age of sixteen, you celebrate your three year anniversary with Seonghwa, and decide you were ready to lose your virginity to him.

“Okay I know you said that the expensive dinner date was enough of a present for you, but you know me and always overdoing it....” he says behind you as you hear the crinkling of a bag behind you.

“Seonghwa...”

“Trust me, babe. You’re gonna love it.” he assures as he walks over to you.

Your eyes instantly fall onto the small red velvet box in his hands and your mouth falls open.

“This was expensive wasn’t it?” you pry and he shrugs.

“Maybe, but I was saving up for it for a while now.” he responds, sitting next to you as he hands you the box.

“I always feel bad every time you spend money on me.” you sigh as your fingers smooth over the velvet.

“I know but it was worth it, trust me. Open it.” Seonghwa urges.

You pull apart the bow and lift up the lid, your eyes widening in awe at the shiny ring placed inside. You lift it out gently noticing the small engraving on the inner part of the band, with both your initials and a small ‘i love you 4ever’ written underneath.

“Oh my god,” you utter. “I love it.” you place the ring on your finger.

“Good because I have a matching one too.” your boyfriend grins at you as he pulls out another box lined with a silver band with that very same engraving. 

You pull him in for a hug as he wraps his arms around you instinctively and all you can feel right now is an overload of gratitude for him. 

“I actually love you so much.” you say, pulling his face towards you to press soft kisses all over his face.

“Yeah, I know I’m the best,” Seongwha chuckles. “But I love you too baby.”

Your lips mould together perfectly, the kiss slow and soft at first. His hands wrap around your waist and your mouth moves gently against his. But soon enough you’re clinging to him and his body is pressed against yours, the kiss growing more needy and intense.

You knew when things started to get heavy he would stop the both of you from going further, never wanting to push you to discomfort. The furthest you had gone with one another was only third base, but it never went further than that and Seonghwa always left that decision up to you if you wanted to take it there.

You figure if you don’t speak up now, he was going to cut this short, so it’s only then at this very moment do you decide you wanted him to be your first.

“Do you want to have sex?” you blurt out suddenly and you swear you’ve never seen your boyfriend’s eyes go so wide before. 

He opens his mouth to speak but he can’t seem to find the right words to say. “I- um, wait, are you being for real?” he stutters. “I mean, I do want to, but, are you sure you want to?” he asks, still in disbelief from your question.

“Shit, sorry I know that was really sudden to ask, but I do want to.” you assure. “But only if you want to.”

“Of course I want to.” his eyes soften, and his hand finds yours in an instant delivering a comforting squeeze.

“Okay so come here and kiss me again please.” you say quietly.

And just like that, Seongwha’s soft lips land on yours once more. Without breaking apart he gently guides you to the head of his bed, laying you down underneath him as your bodies press up against each other.

You swear you can kiss Seongwha for hours and never grow tired of the feeling. You get drunk off his kisses, unable to think of anything else but him. It’s dizzying really, but you love it. You find that off all the things you love about him its his lips, and how impossibly soft they are and how familiar they feel against your own. How much comfort it would bring you, and how all you had to when you had a bad day was just kiss your boyfriend for however long he let you.

It felt like home.

His lips trailed lower to your neck, littering soft pecks across your skin. Quiet noises escape your lips and Seongwha can’t help but grind against your lower half. His hands travel across your body and the ache between your legs grows by the second, and the only thing you can think of is how much you love him, and need him.

Your mind kind of blurs because the next second you find yourself both naked and he’s fiddling in his drawer to find what you assumed to be a condom. He notices your curious stare as he opens his mouth to speak. “M-my dad told me to keep these in here,” Seongwha stutters. “He said to be prepared in case the time comes, and well, here’s the time I guess.” he laughs lightheartedly and the very sound makes your heart swell. 

“Nice call on Papa Park I guess,” you joke and Seongwha chuckles.

He climbs over you and delivers another peck to your swollen lips. “Okay, no more mention of my dad please when I’m about to put my penis in you.”

“Sorry, sorry.” you chuckle nervously as your boyfriend pulls you in for another kiss. 

"Okay, if it hurts tell me to stop and I will, alright?” his eyes stare deeply into your own.

You nod at him with a small smile, admiring what little of his face you could see in the darkness of his room. “I will, don’t worry.”

“Okay.” he sighs, positioning himself in front of you. “I love you.” he whispers against your lips. 

“I love you more, baby.” you say to him before you feel him push himself inside you. You gasp at the feeling and he stills in his spot to let you adjust. 

And once you signal that it’s okay for him to move, he does at a slow pace, and you gasp at the intense pleasure. Even though the pain has subsided his thrusts are still slow and controlled, and you don’t know if it’s because he’s afraid to hurt you, or if he just wants to revel in the feeling of you around him. Either way your heart fills with love for this one boy. 

“I love you so much, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you  know that?” he whispers in your ear and your eyes shut at his words and the newfound feeling you would grow to love. “and thank you for trusting me right now...” his breathing grows heavy. “because I would do anything for you, and I just want you to know that, okay?”

You almost feel like you could cry because above all the pleasure that you’re experiencing right now, his words feel different, more intimate, and all the more meaningful to you. 

And you believe every word he says because you know he truly means it.

“I would do anything for you too.” you repeat his words back to him and he buries his face into your neck as he continues to thrust into you. 

So at sixteen years old, you have your first time with the love of your life. And you tell yourself that no matter what happens between the both of you, you were never going to regret giving that part of yourself to him. 

At the age of eighteen years old, you do the unthinkable.

You decide after a long and heavy conversation, you two were going to break up. You were both set to leave town to pursue your studies at your dream schools, and you felt that parting ways at this point was the better option.

While you two could figure out a way to make things work while half way across the world from each other, you had to take into account all the factors that would drive you two apart. The time difference, the long distance, the fact that you were inevitably going to meet new people, and that you simply did not want to hold each other back from experiencing a life without one another. 

Because all you’ve known almost your entire life was being with Seonghwa, and him with you. You knew it was only fair to give each other the chance to explore something new, and now was that time.

It wasn’t an easy decision by any means, and although it was an amicable split, you’ve never felt the pain of a broken heart before. It hurt really bad.

Your friends and family decide to throw you both one last goodbye party, wanting to celebrate this special milestone with you. And of course there was no way you and Seonghwa could pass up the last good night you two would have together as a couple.

The party was fun at first. The dancing, the singing, the laughing, and the endless exchange of pictures as you guys shared the last few memories you would have as high school graduates. 

But as the night started to creep in, you both realized that in less than 24 hours, you two would no longer be attached to one another like you had been for the last thirteen years. And after five years as a couple, you still couldn’t believe that your relationship would come to an end, just like that.

You hear the faint music in the background of your house, as you and Seonghwa sit in your backyard, gazing up at the stars.

“This fucking sucks.” Seonghwa sighs, resting his head on your shoulder as you lean your head on top of his. 

“I know.” your throat burns, suppressing the urge to cry. 

“I just didn’t expect this day to come. I never thought we would actually break up with each other.” he admits, and you nod your head in agreement. 

You grab onto his hand rubbing comforting circles onto his skin, and you feel Seonghwa’s body start to shake next to you. You don’t want to look at him because you know if you see him cry, you’ll cry too.

You close your eyes trying to control your heavy breathing and the quivering of your lips. Your eyes are watering but you refuse to let your tears slip, and your heart hurts like it’s never hurt before, and you don’t know if the pain will ever go away.

“Seonghwa I really love you.” your voice breaks and you finally let the tears fall.

“I know, baby.” the pet name has always affected you, but now more than ever it tugs at your heart strings in a bittersweet way. “I really, really love you too. Always.”

“You know you’re the love of my life right? You’re always going to be.” you state and he delivers a squeeze to your hand in acknowledgement.

“And you’ll always be mine.” he answers back. “You’re my best friend in the whole world and the last five years with you as my girlfriend will forever be the greatest five years of my life. I will always stand by the fact that you are the best thing to ever happen to me.”

As you stare at one another with teary eyes, he knows you’re saying the same exact words to him. He doesn’t need to hear you say it, nor does he expect you to. Your eyes say more than enough to him.

You look down at the rose gold band around your finger and you realize how long you’ve kept it on, never once taking it off since that day Seonghwa gave it to you. “Do you want your ring back?” you utter, your eyes watering once more.

Seonghwa shakes his head. “Please keep it. Because I still mean it. And I always will. I’m gonna love you forever, y/n. Even if you decide to take it off, if that’s the last reminder you have of how much I love you, then please keep it.”

Your heart is hurting, and the tears seem never ending as they continue to fall down your cheeks. “I don’t want to leave you Seonghwa.” a sob escapes from your lips, and Seonghwa squeezes your hand again.

“I know, baby but you have to. You’re going to the school you’ve dreamed of going to since you were in the fourth grade. You’re going to accomplish so much and a build a great life for yourself, y/n. And even though I won’t be physically with you, I’m always going to support you every step of the way.” he assures.

You knew in a perfect world you two didn’t have to break up. But long distance was a bitch, and you moving across the world was never going to be easy on him. You couldn’t force each other to wait for the other. Not when the both of you had to start a whole new life separately. You had to let each other go.

You turn to face him, your teary eyes staring into his own. “I’ll always support you too, okay? No matter what. I want you to make the most of your time in Seoul, study hard, surround yourself with good people and have the most fun you’ve ever had. You’re gonna make so many friends and pursue the career you’ve always wanted and experience new things that you’ve never done before. And most of all, you’re going to meet a girl and love her just as much as you loved me. And you’re gonna fall in love all over again, and just be happy. Just promise me that you will make the most of your time over there and live your life to the fullest. Don’t look back, don’t wait for me. Just live until I get to see you again.” your voice breaks. “And if somehow we find our way back to one another, then just know everything we did up to that point was worth it.”

Seonghwa lets out a sob and nods. “I promise.” his voice breaks and you pull him in for your last goodbye kiss.

At nineteen, you visit your hometown for Christmas, which was the first time you’d be back in a year and a half. 

Having missed out on the chance to visit last year with your busy schedule, you made sure not to pass up the chance to see your family and friends. The more you grew accustomed to your new home you managed to find a good balance between school, work, and your personal life, so you found that this year was finally a good time to return back for a visit.

And there was no better time to come home than for Christmas day.

“Yeah, just landed at our layover and waiting for the next flight.” you say to your mother over Facetime.

“That’s great honey, I’m so excited to see you.” she smiles at you and you return the gesture. 

“I missed you mom.” you say.

“And I missed you even more.” 

You two continue conversing amongst one another, as she filled you in on all things you missed while you were gone before a voice interrupts your conversation.

“Hey babe, here.” Juyeon says, handing you a coffee as he presses a small kiss to your forehead.

“Oh thank you.” you murmur with a small smile as your boyfriend sits down next to you.

“Oh hey miss y/l/n!” Juyeon greets seeing your mom’s face plastered on your screen.

“Juyeon!” she squeals excitedly. “I can’t wait to finally meet you in person instead of over video chat. It was about damn time.” she states and you and your boyfriend chuckle. You hand him your phone allowing them to talk with one another and you smile fondly at the newfound bond between Juyeon and your mother.

“I know, I can’t wait to meet all of you guys too! I know y/n’s been really excited, it was all she could talk about for the last three weeks.” he teases. “And she says you make really good pie so i am definitely looking forward to that.”

“That is such an understatement, I make the best pie.” she scoffs. “And I made one specifically for you.” your mother beams.

After a few minutes of playful banter exchanged, Juyeon hands your phone back to you. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom before we board, I’ll be back.” he excuses himself and you nod in acknowledgement. 

“Oh y/n, I just thought I should mention Seonghwa and his family are coming over for Christmas dinner as well.” your mom says and the sheer mention of his name as your heart beating in your chest.

“Oh he’s back in town too?” you ask casually and she nods.

“Yup, he’s also bringing his girlfriend.” she adds.

“That’s great, I’m really happy for him.” you say with a smile.

And you meant it, truly. 

You knew of his girlfriend from the few photos he posted of her on instagram, and he seemed genuinely happy. Aside from his newfound love, he was clearly enjoying his time in Seoul like you had hoped, and it was everything you wished for him. 

You two hadn’t really spoken over the last year, and it wasn’t really on purpose, you two just kind of drifted, as expected. You two were starting fresh in an unfamiliar place, and you both were finding your way around your new homes. You two were also preoccupied with school, and meeting new people so it was sort of inevitably really that you two grew apart. Of course there were the few times you two would chat, but it never lasted long due to time differences and busy schedules. 

Although you missed him immensely, you were beyond happy for the life he started for himself, and you knew he was happy for you too. He did exactly what he promised you the last night you spent together, and that was enough to make you happy.

“Flight 219 now boarding.” the announcer calls and Juyeon meets you right on time.

“Okay mom, that’s us. I’ll see you in a few hours, bye, love you.” you bid your farewell before hanging up, and Juyeon grabs your hand leading you to the gate.

“Ready to go home?” he smiles at you, and you beam excitedly, nodding your head.

As the days pass leading up to Christmas, you spend all of your of time with your family and friends, using every second to catch up with your loved ones. You find that Juyeon is adapting well to your home life, bonding with your father and making your mother love him even more than she already did. You introduce him to your childhood friends and he instantly wins over Mingi, Hongjoong, Yunho and Jennie. You admire how much of an effort he put into forming a friendship with them because he knew how much it meant to you.

You were thankful really, to find a guy who was almost perfect for you.

But still, in the back of your mind, even though you loved Juyeon beyond belief, you knew Seonghwa would always have that special place in your heart.

On the day of Christmas, you and Juyeon set the table as you await the Park’s arrival. You were slightly nervous, obviously, given the fact that you had not seen Seonghwa in over a year and you would be meeting his girlfriend. Although you were happy for him, you still felt anxious to see him and her, and you could only hope that she was good for him, because he deserved that much. 

Only a few moments later do you hear a knock at your door and your mother walks over to greet your longtime neighbours. Juyeon stands next to you as he wraps an arm around your waist comfortingly and you relax against him. 

You see Mrs. Park first as she walks inside, giving your mother a friendly hug. Mr. Park follows suit as he greets your mother and your father with a wide smile on his face.

And then you see him.

His hair is slightly darker and he does look a little older. But other than that his face is so familiar to you and your heart beats wildly in your chest as the two of you make eye contact. His face softens when he sees you and you deliver a small wave to him as he smiles. His girlfriend trails behind him and you take notice of how beautiful she was. You smile at her too and she returns the gesture and your heart kind of warms seeing how shy she is because you always kind of knew Seonghwa would pick someone similar to him.

“Oh my y/n, how long has it been!” Mrs. Park calls towards you and you hug her tightly. 

“I missed you!” you say to her and her arms wrap tighter around you.

“I missed you too, darling. And you look even more beautiful than the last time I saw you!” she compliments. “And who is this handsome man?”

“This is Juyeon, he’s my boyfriend.” you smile, and Juyeon shakes her hand.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Park. Y/n’s talked a lot about your family.” he says politely.

“Y/n’s picked a good one, I see.” she winks playfully as you notice Seonghwa and his girlfriend make their way towards you two.

“Hey y/n, long time no see.” Seonghwa says and you almost melt at the sound of his voice. He pulls you in for a hug and you notice how he still wears the same cologne that you had bought him all those years ago.

“Yeah, it’s good to see you again.” you smile at him, and although it had been well over a year since you two last saw each other, there was no hint of awkwardness, just nostalgia.

“Oh, this is Juyeon.” you introduce and Seonghwa delivers a warm smile to your boyfriend, shaking his hand respectfully.

“Nice to meet you.” Juyeon smiles.

“It’s nice to meet you too, I’m Seonghwa. Y/n’s... childhood friend.” he decides to say.

“I know she’s mentioned you a lot in her stories.” your boyfriend acknowledges. “From all the things she told me you were one of the people I was looking forward to meet the most. You seemed really great to her.”

“I could only hope so. She was my best friend after all.” Seonghwa glances at you, and you know there’s a deeper meaning behind his words. “And you seem like a really great guy, so I’m glad she has good people in her life.” Seonghwa returns and you find it heartwarming how well their exchange is going.

You look at the girl beside your ex and she’s staring at you with gentle, curious eyes. “Hi, I’m y/n.” you smile at her, extending your hand out for her to shake.

“Rosé,” she beams at you and you don’t even really know her but there was something about her that assured you she was good fit for Seonghwa. “I heard a lot about you as well, Hwa’s always talking about his life back home so I’m really glad I got to meet his best friend. You were really special to him.”

You smile softly. “I’m glad I got to meet you too.” you say.

“Okay, time for dinner everyone!” your father announces and you all take a seat at the table, passing over plates of food and catching up with one another.

“So Seonghwa, how’s Seoul treating you?” your mother asks as everyone turns their attention towards him.

“Uh really good actually,” he responds. “I joined a band actually! Uh, I became friends with these really nice guys. San and Yeosang. They basically recruited me after they found out I could sing and now we play at this local bar every week on Friday’s and Saturday’s. It was really good for me, I think. It helped with my stress and stuff. And that’s actually where I met Rosé.”

“That’s amazing.” your mother comments with a warm smile.

“Yeah he was really shy at first but San kind of forced him to talk to me which I was really thankful for because I was eyeing him for a while and was too shy myself to approach him.” Rosé says. “I still remember the night he asked for my number and he was stumbling over his words and I swear he looked like he was going to pass out.” she chuckles, and everyone at the table laughs along with her.

“Oh my god I know what you mean, he also cracks his fingers a lot and starts to turn really purple when he’s nervous.” you add and Rosé points at you nodding in agreement.

“Yes! I notice that all the time!” she laughs, and you can’t help but laugh with her.

“Trust me, I have the most embarrassing stories of him when we were kids.” you say.

“Oh god, you have to tell me all of them.” Rosé giggles.

“Obviously, we have the whole night for that.” you wink at her, and you realize how easy and natural it was to talk to her, and that confirmed that you indeed really liked her. 

Seonghwa watches the exchange between you both, and as you two make eye contact with each other, a small smile appears on his face as you nod at him, silently approving of the girl he chose to bring home for this special day. His heart grows full seeing how well the two of you got along, and he’s forever grateful at how amazing of a person you were that you were so willingly to form a friendship with his new girlfriend.

Although he loved Rosé dearly, there was still a piece of his heart where he’d always love you. And that piece grows a little more when he realizes how you continue to support him, even through this unconventional situation. 

Seonghwa decides he’s going to do the same for you, because just like you were happy for him, he was happy for you too. 

Of course he was glad you found someone who could put a smile on your face like he once did, and he knows that for you to have willingly dated Juyeon, he had to have been just as great as you were. You always had the best judgement of people.

“So Juyeon, how’d you and y/n meet?” Seonghwa asks genuinely and he notices the way his face lights up at the mention of your name.

“We had a lot of mutual friends and they introduced us. It’s funny actually, I could tell y/n didn’t even really like me that much at first, she was always so disinterested when I would try and talk to her.” Juyeon laughs.

“Probably stressing too much about trivial things.” Seonghwa chuckles.

“Yeah she does that a lot, so overly anxious all the time” Juyeon notes, and Seonghwa agrees. 

“Hey,” you interrupt and Juyeon apologizes.

“Sorry babe,” he chuckles. "but yeah, I finally sweet talked my way to get her to go out on a coffee date with me and then the next day she asked to go out for lunch after our lecture. We kind of just ended up hanging out more often and well, the rest is history I guess.”

“That’s great, I’m really glad she found someone that makes her happy.” Seonghwa smiles, and you feel a sense of gratitude towards him.

The rest of the night your families converse with one another and share a few drinks, as you and Seonghwa share old stories with Juyeon and Rosé. If you told yourself three years ago that you would be sitting by the fireplace on Christmas day with you and Seonghwa as exes exchanging stories with your new lovers, you would’ve never believed it. 

But you don’t think it’s a bad thing at all. In fact you’re immensely grateful that despite not being as close to Seonghwa anymore, you were able to see each other grow and adapt with your new lives. A life where you made new friends and made new memories. Where you tried things you’ve never tried before, and explored new places. And where you could love other people and still be so insanely happy for one another. 

This was a good thing.

At one point during the night the two of you find yourselves alone, a comfortable silence filling the room as you stared at the fire in front of you, basking in its warmth.

“I missed you.” Seonghwa is the first to break the silence.

“I missed you too.” you return. “And I’m really happy for you, you know?” 

“I’m really happy for you too, y/n.” Seonghwa smiles at you. “And I really like Juyeon. He seems really great, and he makes you happy, I can see it. That’s all I ever wanted for you.”

You hum in acknowledgement. “And I think Rosé is amazing. She’s perfect for you. And I’m forever grateful that you two have each other. I know we’ve drifted over the last year, but you’re still my best friend in the whole world. And even though I don’t say it often, or even out loud, I’m supporting you through everything. As long as it makes you happy that’s all I care about.”

His heart warms at your statement and he locks eyes with you. “And you know I’m always supporting you too. Seeing you happy and thriving is the best thing that’s ever happened to you. It’s all I want for you.” he states.

Neither of you have to say it, but you know this is your unspoken way of saying that you both still loved each other greatly. You still stood by the fact that Seonghwa was, and always would be the most important person in your life, and you in his. Seeing one another content and happy despite not having each other around anymore, was the one thing that mattered to you both. The maturity and support you continued to show was only because of the immense love you have, and have always had for one another. 

The kind of love that lets you give up the person you love the most so they can have a better life without you. 

And the kind of love that’s okay with it.

At twenty-one years old, you and Seonghwa meet again.

It’s during one of your breaks where you find yourself extremely homesick. You don’t even give your family a heads up until you’re outside your childhood home knocking at your door.

It was an impulsive decision but it’s not like you were currently in school. You had the time and the money, and you missed your hometown so incredibly bad that it only took you one second to make that decision to come back.

“Coming, one second!” you hear a male voice call behind the door and your eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“Well, that’s is definitely not my mom, or dad.” you say to yourself. “Did they move out without telling me or something-” your internal conversation is cut short as the door swings open and you’re greeted by an unexpected figure.

“Y/n?” the boy says in surprise.

“Seonghwa??” you say even more confused. 

“Who’s at the door Seonghwa?” now that’s your mother’s voice you hear and she gasps as she walks over to the door. “Y/n! Oh my god why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?!” she pulls you into her arms.

“Surprise.” you chuckle. “I kind of sort of felt really homesick and impulsively bought a plane ticket last night so I could fly back so... here I am.”

“Well come settle in! Seonghwa was just helping with some renovations in the house but I’ll let you two catch up.” your mother grabs your luggage, carrying it up to your bedroom. “Go grab a coffee or something!” she yells upstairs.

You look over to Seonghwa and he shrugs. “Let’s go then.” he smiles and your heart swells.

The two of you walk comfortably beside one another as you take in the scenery around you, missing the familiar place you once called home. 

“I didn’t know you were back in town too.” you say after a few moments of silence.

“Yeah, it was pretty impulsive too actually.” he admits as he looks at you. 

“What was your reason?” you ask curiously.

“Break up.” he states and your mouth falls open.

“Wait, you and Rosé...” 

He nods. “Yeah, things just kinda, fizzled out. You know, we grew apart, wanted different things, came to a point where we were in different stages in our life.”

“Oh wow.” is all you say. “I’m sorry to hear, she was really sweet. I really liked her.”

“Yeah, she was,” Seonghwa sighs. “I mean, we ended on good terms. We’re still friends, actually. I don’t even think I’m necessarily sad about it to be honest, it’s just different, you know? Like I know we weren’t even dating for that long, like two and a half years at most. But I just got so used to being around her and spending so much time with her, and then things just weren’t really the same after a while. It just felt odd not having someone. And being alone made me miss everything I had here so I came back.”

You nod your head in understanding. “Yeah, I totally get what you mean.”

Seonghwa raises his eyebrow at you. “You mean... you and Juyeon too?”

“Mhm,” you hum. “I think for us we just realized we were better off as friends than as a couple, you know? Like after a while the attraction kind of went away and we were only really together because it was comfortable. And we didn’t want to stay together if we weren’t in love anymore, it wouldn’t have made sense. The break up was easy and it felt right when we ended things, I kind of wish it happened sooner but, I was still thankful for the time we spent together. He is still one of my best friends so I’m grateful for that at least.”

“That’s good.” he smiles softly. 

“Hey at least we both can confidently say we have a track record of smooth break ups, right?” you joke lightheartedly.

“Thank god for that.” Seonghwa says with a laugh.

When you two enter the coffee shop you’re once again hit with a feeling of nostalgia as you think of all the times you, Seonghwa, and your friends would spend most days after school, drinking hot chocolate and eating pastries together as you all talked for hours and hours.

“I’ll get our usuals, you can wait by our spot.” Seonghwa offers, and you nod making your way towards your designated table. 

The moment you sit down you’re hit with a wave of flashbacks you shared in this very space, and a small smile creeps onto your face as you look back on all the old memories. 

After your brief moment of reminiscing, Seongwha sits across from you handing over your cup. 

“Sometimes you don’t realize how much you miss home until you’re actually back in all the places you grew up in,” you note as you take notice of the small engraving in the corner of the table marked with yours and all your friends’ initials. Your fingers ghost over the mark and when you look up at Seongwha you see that he’s also eyeing the engraving. 

“I remember when we put that there,” he recalls with a smile. “After five years of coming here and sitting at this same exact table with our friends we claimed our ownership by putting that stupid engraving that took us forever to do. As if that stopped people from sitting here anyways.” you both chuckled.

“Well at least Jennie and Hongjoong were brave enough to kick out the people who stole our spot.” you laugh.

“Yeah,” Seonghwa smiles fondly at the memory. “I still remember the days where Mingi and Yunho would bet the barista on how many butter croissants they could eat in one sitting so we could all get a supply of free hot chocolate for a year.”

“And it was only after Mingi threw up everywhere that it turned out all we had to do was ask her, and she would’ve done it anyways because we were regulars here.” you finish with a soft chuckle.

A comfortable silence fills the air as you two reminisce on the old memories of your teenage years.

“Can I ask you something?” Seonghwa says.

“Of course.”

“When you finish university,” he starts. “What are you gonna do afterwards? Like do you plan on living abroad permanently? Or are you gonna come back home?”

You pause for a second. “Honestly, after the first year there, I fell in love with the city. And I truly was planning on starting my life there and making that my permanent home, ‘cause I had Juyeon, and I had my new friends, I had jobs lined up for me after graduation, and just an overall great home.” you say. “But after splitting up with him, and sitting with the fact that I was constantly homesick, I kinda realized that this is my home, you know? Like, no matter how much I loved my new friends, and loved the city, it would never be as special to me as here. Nothing over there compared to everything I have here. And I knew you were gonna come back from Seoul after graduation, and Jennie and Yunho were gonna come back from New Zealand too. And Mingi and Hongjoong, and the rest of them were all still here... I didn’t want to be the only one gone. All my real friends are here, my family’s here... you’re here. I didn’t want to leave that all behind.” you exclaim and Seonghwa’s face softens.

“I’m really glad honestly.” he responds. “Because I missed you a lot. And it would’ve really sucked to know you weren’t gonna be here anymore when I moved back. I just really miss spending time with my best friend.”

Your heart skips a beat. “Well, you have the next two weeks to do that.” you smile up at him.

“I have an idea.” his eyes light up and you raise an eyebrow at him. “Do you wanna have a sleepover tonight? We can have a move night and order take out like the good old times.” he grins at you.

“You had me at sleepover.” you say with a smile and so he grabs your hand, pulling you towards the exit.

When Seonghwa lets you into his house you almost forget the fact that you haven’t been inside in almost three whole years. This was practically your second home and you found comfort in the fact that nothing really changed since you last saw it. Everything looked almost exactly how you remembered it, minus the new couch and dining table, and a few new paintings hung up on the walls.

“Your mom didn’t change much over the last few years.” you observe.

“Yeah, she was going to do a whole renovation like your mom, and she even planned a whole design out, but she opted out last minute. She said she wanted me to come back home to something I remembered.” Seonghwa answers. “I didn’t get why at first but it only started making sense to me the more I started visiting and realized this was like my safety net.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” you say.

You and Seonghwa walk upstairs to his bedroom, and of course nothing changed inside either. It almost seemed like it had been untouched aside from the fresh bedsheets and clean floor. You notice the small picture frames neatly placed across his dresser table and you realize most of them are pictures with you. You pick one frame up as you remember the day so clearly. A faint smile forms on your face as your fingers ghost over the photo.

“I asked my mom to put those up again recently.” Seonghwa states from behind you. “I was gonna put more with our friends but I realized we didn’t take many with them. They were mostly just of us two. I hope you don’t think it’s weird.”

You shake your head. “No, of course not. I would never think it’s weird.” you say, placing the frame back onto his dresser.

Seonghwa tosses you one of his shirts and a pair of your old shorts that you always left at his house during your impromptu sleepovers. And suddenly you’re once again hit with a wave of nostalgia. 

“What do you wanna do?” he asks and you flop onto his bed with a deep exhale.

“Let’s just lay here for a second.” you say pulling him down next to you. “I just wanna remember everything that I missed while I was gone.” 

Seonghwa settles beside you and you can’t help your racing heart as he inches closer to you. As you lay next to one another looking up at the ceiling, your breathing relaxes and you revel in the feeling of just being so comfortable and at so at home. 

“You don’t know how much I missed this,” Seonghwa whispers next to you. “even though we haven’t seen each other in years and we don’t talk as much anymore, when I’m with you it’s like we never even left each other. Like we just pick up right where we left off. You’re the one person who’s always brought me comfort and I never feel like we have to force things with each other, no matter how much we drifted.”

You feel heat rise to your cheeks and suddenly the room feels so much warmer. Your heart beats fast and you realize how much of an effect Seonghwa still has on you after all these years.

“I think about you everyday, you know that?” you confess, turning your head to look at him. “Every time I’m out somewhere there will always be little things that remind me of you. And I think about all the places in the city I would take you, and the places I know you would love. I think about all the things you would tell me when I was feeling down, and how you would react to certain situations as if you were right there beside me the whole time. I miss you all the time.”

You both stare at one another and your eyes flicker back and forth to his lips and when you look into his own eyes you notice him doing the same. After a moment of just staring into each other’s eyes, unsure of what to do next, Seonghwa pulls you towards his face and kisses you, and the feeling absolutely overwhelms you in all the good ways.

It’s far from soft and sweet, instead heavy and messy, and so intense that your chest burns with desire. You don’t dare pull away from him even when you needed to catch your breath, because the feeling of his lips on yours after all these years intoxicates you and has you yearning for more. He’s pulling you closer to him and you feel like your body is on fire. 

Seonghwa rolls on top of you and your bodies mould perfectly with one another, as if you were both the two missing pieces of a puzzle. You can’t exactly describe the feeling but it’s overwhelming and very reminiscent and brings you back to all the times with Seonghwa that brought you so much happiness years ago. It’s a feeling you didn’t know if you would ever feel again and you missed it more than anything.

The ache between your legs becomes overwhelming and before you know it you’re begging him to touch you, and without any hesitation he does. Your bodies press tightly against each other and your desperate need for him only grows the moment he grinds down on you. 

The next thing you know, you’re both unclothed and fully exposed to one another, and you see each other in your most vulnerable states for the first time in years. When he finally pushes himself inside you the pleasure is significantly magnified as the fire inside you only intensifies at the feeling of him.

It happens quick at first but Seonghwa decides he wants to take his time with you. Like you, he didn’t know if he would ever feel you in this way again and he was going to use every second with you that he could.

You don’t know how much time has passed but by the end, you both are exhausted and sore, and panting heavily next to each other. It’s dark outside and the room is warm and even though you’re both sweaty and gross, you haven’t felt this good in a long, long time. 

“Was that okay?” Seonghwa asks, pulling your naked body into his arms.

“Yeah,” you say with a small smile. “It was perfect.”

So you lay in each other’s embrace for a while and your heart feels warm and fuzzy, bringing you an endless amount of comfort. You feel content at this very moment, and your worries are pushed to the back of your mind as you fall asleep soundly together.

It’s only at 2 o’clock in the morning do you wake up in a haze and through your fatigued confusion does your brain recall the events that took place a few hours ago. Unable to make out your surroundings in the darkness, your eyes widen not knowing if what happened earlier really happened. When you attempt to sit up you feel a pair of arms wrapped securely around your waist and your body relaxes. Soft snores escape Seonghwa’s lips and you snuggle closer to his body to feel his warmth.

It dawns on you that you still are very much in love with Seonghwa, and of course deep down you knew that you always would be. You also knew given the chance (like now) your feelings would resurface because well... they never really left in the first place.

The unknowingness of this outcome has you shifting in your spot and anxiety creeps in as you think of leaving him all over again. Because after tonight, you don’t know if you can bear the thought of parting ways with him and returning to your life abroad where you can’t tell him exactly how you feel.

You don’t realize right away that Seonghwa has woken up next to you and he only does so because of your constant shifting. It’s when he delivers a gentle squeeze to your waist do you finally take notice.

“Are you okay?” his voice his deep and tired and the sound is enough to make your heart beat fast.

“Yeah.” you reply unconvincingly, but Seonghwa has known you all his life and was also the one to date you for five whole years. He knew you better than you probably knew yourself so in an instant he could tell there was something bothering you.

“What’s on your mind?” he asks.

Your back is leaning against his chest, and you can feel his soft breathing on your neck, and instinctively he starts to rub small circles on your arm knowing that was the one thing that could calm you down.

“It’s stupid.” you say, your voice is quiet and laced with a hint of embarrassment.

“Do you regret what we did?” Seonghwa asks and you’re quick to shut down his claim.

“No! No, of course not.” you return. “It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?” 

You exhale, letting out a heavy sigh. “Seonghwa I still love you.” it’s almost inaudible to him but he knows he heard you correctly. 

He lets out a soft sigh and a smile smiles forms on his face.

“I still love you too, baby.” and when you hear him call you by the name you loved so much, you feel like you’re going to melt in his arms. “I always would remember?”

Your eyes start to water because it’s been so long since you’ve been able to say that to him, and to hear him say those same exact words back to you has a weight lifting right off your shoulders that you didn’t even know was there.

“Why’s that upsetting you?” he questions and you feel him press soft kisses to your shoulder.

“I don’t want to leave you all over again.” you admit. 

He sighs next you and attempts to pull you even closer, if that were possible.

“Well we’ll spend the rest of the time we have together and enjoy every second of it. And after graduation we’ll come back home and we’ll pick up right where we left off like we always do.” Seonghwa tries to reassure you and you shake your head, sniffling.

“That’s not what I mean...” you say. “I mean that I don’t want to go back and not be with you. I don’t want to wait out till graduation and know that we aren’t together because I don’t think I can. Not after tonight.”

It clicks in Seonghwa’s brain and he knows exactly what you mean, and so he decides now’s the time to ask you what he’s been wishing to ask you for so many years. He knows he wasn’t supposed to wait for you, but he always knew he would.

“You don’t have to then.” he states.

“I don’t?”

“Do you want to get back together?” he asks and your heart almost stops. “I mean we only broke up ‘cause of the distance right? And we both fulfilled our promises to each other that we would experience a different life and learn what it was like to not be together. We’re in our last year of uni, we’d only have to be apart for a few more months and then we’ll both be back home in no time, permanently. We would never have to be apart again.” he reasons with you.

And it did make complete sense. He was right in every way, so in truth, there really wasn’t anything stopping you from being together again. You don’t have to think much about it because the decision was already made deep down. You knew you wouldn’t hesitate to be with Seonghwa again if you had the chance, and now was that chance.

You turn to face him and even though you two can’t see each other, there’s a small smile painted on both your faces and you lean in to press a kiss to his lips. 

“Okay, let’s get back together.”

So at twenty-one years old, you and Seonghwa officially reconcile, and spend the next two weeks together like you planned, catching up on everything you did while you two were apart.

And just like he said, it was like you two never left each other.

And now, at twenty-two years old, Seonghwa pops the question.

And you finally marry him.

"Family, friends, and all loved ones. We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Y/n and Seonghwa. We stand here to support this couple and share the joys of their love and commitment as they solidify this partnership, choosing to spend the rest of their lives together.” 

“Through this marriage you make a lifelong promise to one another to always love, respect, trust and honor each other through anything, and everything. You promise to stay committed, and loyal, and most importantly, share your dreams, your happiness, and your sorrows with each other.” 

“From today, and this moment on, you will forever be united as one.”

You stare at Seonghwa and your heart beats hard against your chest as you stand in front of him watching his eyes light up and his smile grow by the second. You feel like you’re in a dream and everything around you feels so surreal.

Your eyes scan the alter and you see your mother beside Mrs. Park, both of them clinging onto each other as tears of happiness running down their cheeks. Their smile is wide and filled with so much love and you knew this day was something the two have been waiting for, for as long as they could remember. 

You see Mingi, and Yunho, and Hongjoong, and Jennie, your best friends who witnessed every progression of your relationship with Seonghwa from the moment you two met. They’re all grinning from ear to ear and you can’t help but laugh as they silently cheer you on from the pews.

You see your dad, and Seonghwa’s dad, and both of your grandparents, and the entirety of yours and Seonghwa’s family joined together as they smile brightly at the two of you.

And then your eyes meet with Rosé and Juyeon as they mouth a “you got this!” to you and Seonghwa, delivering a thumbs up in your direction, and your heart kind of warms because even after splitting up, the friendship between you four remained and it was evident through their support on this special day.

When your eyes lock with your soon-to-be-husband his lips quirk up into a warm smile as you mouth out an “i love you.”

“Now Y/n, Seonghwa, please join hands” the officiant states.

"Do you, Park Seonghwa take Y/N Y/L/N to be your wife?” 

“I do.” he states softly, eyes gazing into yours.

"And Y/N Y/L/N, do you take Park Seonghwa to be your husband?”

“I do.” you respond beaming.

"Seonghwa, please repeat after me.” the officiant says. “I, Park Seonghwa, take thee, Y/N Y/L/N, to be my lawfully wedded wife.” 

“I Park Seonghwa, take thee, Y/n Y/l/n, to be my lawfully wife...” he repeats.

"...To have and to hold from this day forward...”

“...For better for worse...”

 “For richer for poorer...”

“...In sickness and in health...”

“...To love and to cherish...”

“...And to honour you all the days of my life...”

“Till death do us apart.” Seonghwa finishes and your eyes start to water.

“Now, Y/n, please repeat after me.” the officiant calls on you. “I, Y/N Y/LN, take thee, Park Seonghwa, to be my lawfully wedded husband.”

You exhale before repeating his words. ““I, Y/N Y/LN, take thee, Park Seonghwa, to be my lawfully wedded husband.”

"...To have and to hold from this day forward...”

“...For better for worse...”

“For richer for poorer...”

“...In sickness and in health...”

“...To love and to cherish...”

“...And to honour you all the days of my life...”

“Till death do us apart.”

As Jennie walks over to hand over the rings she smiles brightly at you, as the crowd watches you and Seonghwa each place the new band on your fingers, signifying the start of your lifelong commitment to one another. 

“Well! By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife!” the officiant shouts with a smile. “You may now kiss the bride!”

And without a second wasted Seonghwa pulls you in kissing you like he’s never kissed you before and the loud shouts and cheers in the background fills your ears as everyone hollers around you. And when you pull away you can’t seem to wipe the smile off your face as Seonghwa carries you out of the alter.

“Here’s to our new life together, Mrs. Park.” Seonghwa says with a grin as you kiss him once more.

“I love you so much.” you say.

“And I love you even more.” he returns.

So at twenty-two years old you know that you’re never going to stop loving Seonghwa, and that love was made permanent by the unity of your marriage. From the moment you declared him as your boyfriend at the age of six, to the years you spent learning everything together as a couple, growing apart and reuniting, you know that this was a rare kind of love to find, and one that had to mature and progress over a long period of time. 

And so you remember the words you said to him all those years ago the night you parted ways, “if somehow we find our way back to one another, then just know everything we did up to that point was worth it.”

Which stayed true four and a half years later, and for the rest of your life thereafter.

LA FIN.

[an0nymousghost]

simblr asks v2

here are my answers! find the questions here.

i wrote soo much ahaha. like however much you think i wrote, i wrote more than that. imo everything i write is gold though

1. are you going to buy the new pack (cottage living) when it comes out? no, it looks really nice but i legit never ever buy packs at launch, especially cause this one is a expansion and it will probably go on sale at some point

2. do you p*rate your dlc or buy it legitimately? buy it legitimately 👌

3. what’s your favorite world? brindleton bay, it gives like seaside cottage vibes. willow creek is good but it’s boring. 

4. if you use a queue, how many posts per day do you set it as? 3 or 4. i used to do like 12 lmaoo what even was wrong with me

5. do you watch sims on youtube? yes, i watch mainly malixa, oshinsims, and msgryphi

6. what are your thoughts on the most recent pack? (dream home decorator) those sectional couches look good! but honestly im kinda annoyed because now it’s even harder to have all the items filled in when i place lots from the gallery. like i’m just saying like a lot of builds will use that pack probably and if i don’t get it then i can’t really use builds/save files 

7. how many packs/kits do you own? lemme count

expansion: all - 10/10 game: 5/10 stuff: 9/18 kits: none xo

24/38 - 63%

8. what’s your origin id? is it the same as your url? 🤗 it’s in my title, it’s celeschul. it doesn’t look that nice in my title but i use celeschul in my package files and i’m guessing people search things like, “celeschul penny hair” or something like that in order to find my cc- so i keep it in there so the search results are easier. i do want to change it though..

but no it’s also not the same! well i mean it’s the username i use for cc. my origin id used to be an0nymousghost but i changed it. i wonder if anyone’s taken that one?

9. is your simblr your sideblog or main blog? main blog ✌️ my old blog @stardze​ is a main blog as well.

my old old simblr was a sideblog but it had like 1 follower and it literally a bot so i don’t think that counts. i have a multifandom sideblog though 

10. do you have a cc finds blog? i wish. i was thinking bout it earlier and that would be sooo neat but sometimes i download stuff that doesn’t have a tumblr post attached to it, and also it’s stressful to keep up with so nah

11. are you wcif friendly? yes sir. in fact i bring the trouble of wcifs onto myself but doing them even when nobody asked.

12. what’s your favorite sized household to play with? (ex. 1 sim, 4 sims) gonna have to think on this one, honestly 1 sim is really fun and stuff goes by so fast. doing stuff with astrid when she was on her own, it was much more efficient. 

for families, i haven’t done that in a while actually. 5, 2 parents and 3 kids is cute tho. why did i write this this is honestly such a hard question

13. if you have c&d, do you play with pets? i feel like i haven’t played with cats and dogs in forever. honestly i just have no paitence. noelle fae was supposed to get a cat (there’s a food bowl + cat bed in her house) but when summer vacation started, the amount of time i spent playing ts4 decreased a lot. (this doesn’t really make sense, i have a lot more time. honestly it just has to do with my recent obsession with a certain anime/manga and some other personal thing)

i did random nightmares in may though and i had pets frequently. g5 didn’t because sofia scarlett lived in an apartment, but g2/3/4 had cici, and g1 had all the cats. but that was back in march so it’s been a while.

14. what lifespan do you use? i really want to do aging off but then i feel like it drags on. but aging legit stresses me out, sometimes i just want to sit down and do some cas stuff but i only have 2 hours in real time and there’s like 4 days left till one of my sims’ birthdays. 

15. if you own a lot of packs, how many of them have you actually played through? just so everyone is aware this question was made for me

i feel like eps require a specific save made for testing them out, but the only save i’ve ever made for an ep is noelle fae’s get famous save. 

that is literally a lie - i made a save for island living with one of my 100bc kids, maisie acapella. i did actually post it on tumblr BUT then i deleted all the posts BUT i reblogged them on my alt account BUT i privated my alt account so i honestly forgot about it

i have never played through discover university or watched anyone do it on youtube, i’ve read gerbits’ story about it so i think i’m pretty qualified. i’ve always wanted to do one with periwinkle acapella but i never got around to it

another ep i know nothing about is get to work

i tried doing a eco life playthrough but i hadn’t watched any videos and i was like..what is going on. so i quit lolx d ;;;;; i mentioned it but the whimsy stories legacy was the first time i had played with the eco lifestyle features so technically i think i know what im doing

i got outdoor retreat literally on monday of this week so i haven’t played through it yet. 

jungle adventure i still don’t know what’s going on. i remember last year before i bought the pack i was brainstorming, and wanted to do a ja playthrough with luna and cedar, who are a couple who i did a random legacy with and it was all queued to post when i deleted everything (if you’re wondering why, it’s because my queue was literally 200+ posts). except this time i didn’t save them to my sideblog so i lost them. 

i still havent had a restaurant in dine out 

also never did the vet thing from cats and dogs

i have no idea what that rock climbing thing is from snowy escape but i did most of the other stuff because rn g5

city living i did through psc stage 5 and also it was the first pack i bought anyways

the rest of them are either stuff packs or i ended up playing them through casual gameplay (seasons, parenthood)

16. what do you do as you play sims? (ex. listen to music) i listen to music most of the time, or listen to commentary youtube videos because i am an alpha chad. i also used to talk with my friends on voice call but i don’t do that anymore 🥲

17. which sims challenges have you tried? random legacy, whimsy stories, perfect sim challenge, 100 baby, legacy (just the plain get-to-10-gens one), random nightmares, berry zodiac, astrology legacy, apocalypse

i feel like im forgetting some.. honestly most of the stuff i did before simblr was either 100 baby (i love that challenge) or random saves that lasted for 2 seconds. 

18. do you like the new(ish) hair swatches? nah. 

i do appreciate that most cc hairs have a true (ish) black, thank god! and the fact that the hair update is what inspired me to update and fix a bunch of hairs with different issues is pretty nice. but will i use them? no. 

plus it takes up like 5 gb? depending on how many packs you have.

19. post the latest screenshot you took 📸

i live in cas

20. what is the cc/ingame hair that looks the most like your own? i think that dream home decorator side part hair looks a lot like my hair. honestly i havent see much like my hair but that one is kinda-? close

21. who is your favorite sim of yours and what is their story? noelle and alari fae i think! 

link to post

noelle is blonde and has blue-grey eyes. she wears purple contacts pretty often though (because she wants to 😌)

alari has light brown hair that is kinda curly, and she’s got pretty vibrant blue eyes. 

they’re sisters, alari is 3 years older than noelle. noelle was 19 and alari was 22 when they got spotted

they worked as models when they were young adults. their jobs involved dyeing their hair blue/pink, and they would model like clothes and stuff. anyways, they were pretty successful. like not ultra famous but they had enough money to not work for the rest of their lives. 

their modeling group was made of 4 girls, the others were named paisley autumn and they were green and red, respectively. some things are: 

paisley and alari started dating during this 

autumn was a single mother to a little girl named destiny

noelle dated many people during this but never ended up finding the one <3

when their contract ended after like 6 years, paisley and alari went to go live together and noelle decided to get into acting. so thats when get famous playthrough started!

there’s more but basically they’re like oc’s with sims on the side. xoxo

22. if you use cc, are there any cc creators that you have like ALL of their items? this is such a good question! i hoard hair very heavily (my folder is 11gb) i so i have like 97% from most of the popular hair creators. 

i think i had legitimately EVERYTHING from simstrouble though, i went through multiple times to check and i also have all of her retired stuff. 

i have everything from ridgeport i think-? because of the fact that she uploaded all her stuff in one big zip. 

i think that’s it.. for a long time i also had everything by clumsyalienn, but then i ended up deleting it and only keeping my faves. 

and looking at my collection, maybe ah00b? i might be missing a couple but i at least have like 99%.

23. what’s one pack you think is underrated? dine out, it’s laggy af yes but it’s such a nice thing for my sims to do. 

24. what are your favorite sims stories/legacies? melons by gerbits always and forever

this question was inspired by this ask anyways so 

25. if you could change one small thing about ts4, what would it be? most of my suggestions are pretty complex but literally just - when you add tray files, they appear at the top. my life would be so much easier

this took me literal hours to answer

[indipindy16]

Heyyyyy, so about that doc with the AU ideas.... (Please feed me I yearn for content)

im obsessed with the idea of monoma and aizawa being related to afo lol. you only see like 3 quirks in the whole series that are based on other quirks - what i would call ‘meta quirks,’ that would only have any function in a world of quirked people. so ofc these 3 quirks have to be related:

afo decided to have a bunch of kids, to see if he could make noumus out of them which retained their brains after being given a bunch of quirks. he impregnated a bunch of women lol, but he kept tabs on them. as soon as the kids turned 4 and presented their quirk, they would be kidnapped by the doctor and brought into the lab. most of the kids had quirks based on quirks (seeing quirks, stealing quirks, copying quirks, erasing quirks…) and are various ages. aizawa, monoma and midoriya were some of them, but aizawa got saved by his badass mother when he was still a kid, so he was already gone by the time midoriya and monoma came around. the two of them manage to escape while afo is still recovering from his fight with all might, and since monoma’s mother was killed by afo, he goes to live with midoriya and his mother. they go off the grid and run away from afo. in this au midoriya is quirkless, up until he meets all might and it goes as usual. umm could be from monoma’s pov, and include monoshin because that’s cute. basically after the sports festival, afo finds monoma again and in the summer camp they kidnap him instead of bakugou. (the reason why aizawa was never caught or taken back by afo is because he won the whole sports fest and became too famous/well protected to be easily stolen back - since monoma didn’t make the fight rounds, he’s a perfect target. afo only knew the kids by their quirks, he never actually met them, so he doesn’t realise that midoriya is one of his kids as well because mido has a quirk now.) anyway so after they kidnap monoma back, he and midoriya spill the beans to the ua faculty, aizawa has a midlife crisis over the fact that he now has younger siblings, and afo continues to be a dick who doesn’t pay child support.

just some sweets stuff as well:

Christmas cake: Japanese slang for an unmarried woman over 25 who is considered undesirable as a wife, in the same way that Christmas cakes are considered useless after Christmas Day.

Good thing for Jirou, she never cared much about being ‘desirable’ to the opposite sex anyway.

-> a momojirou story about jirou’s 26th birthday and momo reassuring her that she is the best gf ever, and that she loves her very much. pro hero gfs <3

*

like. the trope of aizawa adopting shinsou? well what about instead… hawks adopting tokoyami?? maybe he comes from a super religious family and they tried to exorcise the ‘demon’ from him, protective services put him in the foster system, and he ends up with really shitty foster families, and his quirk is considered ‘dangerous.’ but then our boy hawks swoops in and goes ‘u know what? i’m not letting my intern get disrespected like this’ and adopts him. obviously hawks is still young himself (22 i think), so he’s not very good at the whole parenting thing, but miruko helps him out. he becomes an older brother figure for tokoyami. gen found family fluff ensues

*

bEST JEANIST AS A TEENAGE FASHION ICON

thats it, thats the idea

*

HAIKYUU AU - no quirks. just volleyball

so the ua boys volleyball team is on the rocks. its been pretty much non-existent and turned to dust at this point. but, it once own the nationals.

izuku’s mum runs this second hand / antique / trinket store, and izuku helps out sometimes. one day, he finds some old sports tapes in the back and watches them - they’re of the year when ua was at nationals, and their striker, yagi toshinori, inspires izuku to play volleyball.

bakugo is on the school team and he threatens / bullies izuku not to join, so izuku has to train on his own. he learns shitty technique, but he ends up building some muscle by clearing out the beach.

izuku gets into ua, and when he goes to apply for the volleyball team, ofc bakugo picks a fight. the other first-years who join the team are todoroki, kaminari, shinsou, kirishima, and iida. there aren’t any second years - they all got expelled - but mirio and tamaki are on the team as third years, and nejirou is the team manager. their teacher sponsor is a new teacher this year, and it’s left ambiguous. there’s the whole ‘get over ur differences if u want to join’ thing, and then woohoo! team!

turns out their teacher sponsor is aizawa. he drags in the now-retired-due-to-injury yagi toshinori to be the coach. when aizawa went to ua, the volleyball team was too small to go to any tournaments - he’s determined to turn it around and let these kids live their dreams.

some ‘canon? what’s that?’ ideas:

just a really wholesome story about inko and mitsuki being besties. met in middle school or something, supported each other through everything… just gals being the best of pals...

or i mean u could make it gay, that’s always an option (and have izuku and katsuki grow up as actual bros, and actually be friendly to one another? what a shocker) - like, the two of them get sperm donors and are pregnant at the same time so the kids can be twins or something. and ofc you’d expect katsuki to be closest to mitsuki and for inko to be closest to izuku, but then to make it a TWIST add some great bonding between inko + katsuki and mitsuki + izuku!! i’ve never really seen any mitsuki + izuku bonding in stories before, so that’d be pretty cool

*

izuku gets hit by a villain’s quirk during a big villain attack when he’s 7, turning him part-cat. the villain dies during the attack, so they can’t erase his quirk’s effects - they’d have to surgically remove the ears and tail, or get an expensive quirk specialist in. izuku decides he likes being a nekomimi, so he keeps them and gets being part-cat officially registered as his quirk. he has better senses and agility, and he can talk to cats now i guess. also his eyes are cat eyes. he doesn’t pass the ua exam, so he goes into the general department instead, but he does really well in the sports festival and gets transferred into the hero course with shinsou. (this is all just because i need a valid excuse to make izuku have cat ears.)

some ‘future au’ ideas:

all of the pro heroes merch lines - deku’s ’t-shirt’ shirts, tokoyami’s edgy emo/goth hoodies, iida’s ingenium trainers, bakugou’s popping candy chocolate, todoroki’s own brand of scar cream, HAGAKURE’S CAMO COLLECTION OMG the possibilities are endless  

---i made hagakure’s camo for her bday drawing

(i use a strikethrough so i know which ideas i’ve used or posted anywhere. i think that once i put an idea on the internet, it’s probably free reign, so if you want to use any of these for fics or art go ahead. i’d just appreciate it is you could link back to me haha)

5 years after graduating from the General Studies department of UA, Hitoshi opened his own agency. As a private detective.

By the time he’s 25, he’s settled in and relatively comfortable with his career choice. So when his work phone rings one day and he’s still half-asleep he easily opens with, “Shinsou Detective Agency. Before you ask, I do not investigate cheating spouses or missing dogs and I do not screen potential employees for companies.” He paused. “I’ll investigate missing cats, though.”

The person on the other end took a harsh breath, like an almost-laugh, and responded gruffly, “Hm. Good to know if Jelly ever gets lost.”

-> aka shinsou is a PI and aizawa contacts him for help on a case. aizawa never sought out shinsou after the sports festival, being too busy with 1-a’s insane antics, and so shinsou went on to never become a hero. maybe he’s also a vigilante on the side? idk. anyway so yeah aizawa gives him temporary permission to use his quirk during the case. they investigate, blah blah, the point is that afterwards aizawa gets shinsou a licence and takes him on as a sidekick (the same way ingenium offered to koichi in vigilantes)

i have new ideas on the daily. this doc is just growing

keep in mind, i have given to you here only a few of the shortest ones. there are several huge paragraphs of full-au ideas (like where izuku has a quirk, and the entire story follows canon)

these are, ostensibly, ideas for fics that i never write because i’m lazy. but some of them i do end up using for art or comics, so... yeah. most of the comics i’ve posted were originally just little scripts in this doc. an example:

yamada and reformed!shirakumo are walking together, with coffees

shirakumo: so then i - oh, your phone’s wringing

(yamada’s ringtone is the nyancat song, and the contact name is ‘daddy’)

shirakumo: haha, you still call ur dad ‘daddy’? i thought you got over that in high school (taking a sip on the coffee)

yamada: (answering the phone, keeping eye contact with shirakumo) hey, shouta, what’s up?

shirakumo: (spits out coffee)

—- made this a comic on tumblr

damn this post is longer than i expected

whelp, i hope you liked it

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. Get something off your chest. I hate how I can’t even cough once and not think that it’s maybe corona. Sometimes ya just gotta cough, you get that tickle in your throat or your mouth is dry or whatever and you have to cough, it doesn’t mean you’re coming down something. Other illnesses besides corona exist as well (though it doesn’t seem like it anymore). Ugh, but it’s always my first thought now whenever I have to cough, sneeze, or just feel sicky (which isn’t unusual for me).  2. The last dream you remember having. I rarely remember my dreams for some reason. I quickly forget them after waking up.  3. Current relationship in details. Single. 4. A photo of your best friend. 5. You have a sleepover with 5 people from Tumblr, who do you pick and why? Okay, c’mon Lane, Elisabeth, Robyn, Lina, and Laura we’re gonna have a getaway to somewhere fun. haha.

6. Your last sexual experience – when/where/how/who. 7. Tell us about someone you hate/strongly dislike. Just myself. 8. List everything you eaten today. So far just ramen, which was at 1AM. It’s 7AM now. I am kinda hungry, but I’m not gonna eat again until later on after I get up and stuff. 9. Post an unflattering photo of yourself. Uh, that’s a hell no.  10. Post lyrics that are relevant to how you feel right now. “And we’ll sleep all, sleep all day...” 11. If you were kicked out of your house, who would you call/go to? Thankfully, that would never happen, but if it did I guess I’d stay with my aunt. 12. The last time you were angry and why. Blah. 13. The last time you cried and why. A couple days ago. 14. How your life was different this time last year? Well, at least last July In was able to go somewhere for my birthday. The world hadn’t yet been hit by corona. It’s crazy, we had no idea what was to come. 15. Go to your photo folder, go to the first letter of your name and post the first photo. I’m using my phone to watch a YouTube video and I don’t feel like clicking off it to do that. I don’t have any photos saved on my laptop, so. 16. Would you rather run through town naked at midday or sleep with the most disgusting person you know? Well, I’m not running naked out in public especially, nor am I going to sleep with anyone. 17. Google your horoscope for today – how accurate is it? Nah. 18. You have to spend a day with number 23 on your IM contact list. How lucky are you? I don’t have any instant messengers. Well, except for Facebook Messenger and the chat thingy on here, but there isn’t a contact list. 19. Refresh your dashboard, whose blog do you prefer, the first or fifth person to appear. The 5th, @just-shower-thoughts 20. Tell us about someone you miss or the time you miss. I miss my childhood. And despite the fact I’ve been going through a rough and low time these past few years, at least there wasn’t a global pandemic going on. I miss not having that.  21. List things you spend money on in an average week. I don’t spend much money, honestly. I do some online shopping sometimes, but I’ve been pretty good about not spending a lot this year. There are still those pesky bills, though. 22. Your plans for summer. Couldn’t do anything this year. I’m so glad summer is almost over, though. 23. Rate each of your sexual partners (if any) from 1-10. 24. Post the last FB group/page that you joined. It was for this YouTube channel I follow, Defuntland, that makes videos about stuff like past amusement park rides, amusement park history, and old TV shows. I’ve been obsessed with channels like this lately, I’ve been watching a ton of videos from a few different channels. 25. Your best friend starts dating your ex. How do you feel about it? My mom would never do that. 26. Address a few words to 3 people. Nah. 27. Refresh your dashboard. Who would you rather sleep with, the second person or the sixth that appears? No one. 28. Would you parents be mad if you were in a relationship? I’m 31 years old. They’d be happy for me and be like, finally! ha. Cause they don’t know about my boyfriend I had in high school (it was very brief anyway) or the whole Joseph situation. Well, my mom kinda did. I know my parents definitely thought something was or would happen with me and Ty, though. They were all for that. But anyway, so yeah they haven’t seen me in a relationship. 29. Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they've slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? Virgin here. 29. What was the last sport you watched on TV? I don’t watch sports. 30. How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough? I give out a lot of chances. 31. Is there a guy who knows everything or almost everything about you? A lot of things, but not everything. 32. Ever had a crush on a teacher/someone at least 10 years older/member of the same sex? Alexander Skarsgard is 13 years older than me. 33. Do you like being alone? I like having my alone time, I need that, but I don’t want to be alone all the time. 34. Describe what you are wearing. Leggings and an oversized graphic tee. 35. Name one thing you love about winter. Christmastime! 36. What’s your phone wallpaper right now? The lock screen is a Bible verse written over a beachy photo and my home screen is rose gold. 37. Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to? Yeah, my loved ones. 38. How did you get one of your scars? Surgery. 39. What board games are you good at? I don’t if I’m necessarily good, but I love board games.  40. When you like someone do you tell them? Depends.

[parkersvibes]

finding out peter is spiderman

read part one here

a/n: omg guys. i got so much feedback from you all on part one so i decided to make a part 2. and yeahh i really hope you guys enjoy. if you do lmk and i’ll do a part 3 (:

(i also apologize if the read more doesnt work )))): )

warnings: fluff, a smidge on angst

pt 2. peter parker x stark!reader

• figuring out he was spiderman

• alright you’re a stark

• but no one knows that

• but you’re really intuitive

• so there were little things you started to notice

• after uncle ben died there was some weird shit (if you want a part ab comforting peter ab uncle ben lemme know. he deserves his own part)

• like how he stopped wearing his adorable glasses

•and i guess started almost bulking up????

• he got WAY taller

• and usually you’re used to seeing him shirtless but this one time you walked in on him

• holy mother of god

• IT WAS LIKE HE GREW ABS OVER NIGHT

• BECAUSE FRESHMAN PETE DID NOT HAVE A 6 PACK

• freshman peter also got winded walking up the stairs

• AND NOW HE’S RUNNING LAPS IN GYM LIKE ITS NOTHING ??

• must be nice

• but then things got more sus

• all of a sudden he was skipping class more

• leaving early

• cancelling study sessions and skipping movie nights with ned

• and you and ned were clueless

• you and ned started hanging out more

• MR. LEEDS IS HILARIOUS LEMME TELL YOU

• he was like this little ball of happiness

• you found out his real name is Edward

• HOW CUTE

• and WOW HIS MOM BEING FILIPINA MEANT THAT YOU WERE BEING FED ALL THE TIME OH MY GOD

• ngl pete got a bit jealous

• one night,,, when pete cancelled YET AGAIN

• ned asked you, “hey y/n?”

• “hm”

• “why don’t we ever hang out at your place”

• “i told you ned, my family is just a lot yanno. plus your family and may are really cool”

• “okay but how come you don’t have any social media under your name?”

• “wdym?”

• “like you go by ‘y/n Smith’ but everything that pops up on the internet isn’t YOU”

• “pfff i told you,,, i dont believe in that stuff”

• “y/n, you know you can tell me anything”

• you wanted to be honest. this was one of your best friends. and you’ve been lying to them about your family for over a year now

• “ned i just. it’s complicated”

• “like peter’s family?”

• “nonono, i’m lucky to have both of my parents- well i have a step mom. my real mom wanted nothing to do with me. so she left me on the steps of my dads house. never came back”

• “oh shit bro, i’m sorry”

• “nah don’t worry. my dad is really cool and my step mom... she’s awesome.”

• “what’re their names”

• NATASHA WAS GONNA KILL YOU IF SHE COULD SEE HOW BAD YOU WERE STRUGGLING

• “well- uh- my step moms name is,,, um. well her real name is Virginia”

• THE WORLD KNEW PEPPER AS PEPPER NOT VIRGINIA

• “and my- my dads name is ehm... st, steve???”

• natasha was gonna have your ass

• “y/n,,,”

• “yeah”

• “you’re a horrible liar”

• “PFFF WHAAAT? NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT”

• “dude you left your spiderman fan tumblr open on my laptop that one night,,, and i MAY have done some snooping”

• okay you mightve had a slight obsession with the webslinger. HE WAS COOL. and what better way to keep track of him without alerting your family,,, good ol tumblr

• oh god ned, HOW MUCH SNOOPING”

• “enough to know that you have a weird obsession with that spider guy and that your last name isnt smith”

• so you told him the truth. you were a stark

• and well,,, he reacted with

• “okay cmon,,, don’t lie”

• so you showed him your late night dance parties with Nat when she was feeling goofy

• and your random snaps of steve when he was trying to figure out how to work technology

• videos of you reacting to vines with bucky

(if yall wanna see domestic life with the avengers just lmk)

• which usually results with THE WINTER SOLDIER ALMOST PEEING HIS PANTS. and trying to reenact it with sam or the other avengers

• “heyheyehy y/n guess what?”

• “what bucky?” *is in the middle of doing hw*

• “FRESHOVACADO” *bolts out of the room before you throw something at him*

• only the two of you getting vine and meme references

• (meaning getting in trouble during meetings bc you’ll make eye contact and start laughing)

• OH HIS FAVORITE IS THE “country boiiii, i love you,,, 😛”

• anywaayyy

• ned was SHOOK

• “nowayohmygodyoureanavenger”

• “no ned,,, only when they need me to be”

• *led to him asking 100000 questions*

• “does Mr. America smell like old man”

• “what language does Ms. Widow think in”

• “how many shirts does Mr. Hulk own”

• “so do they wear normal clothes or are they always PREPARED”

• “does your dad have to walk a weird way when hes in his suit”

• “do they ever chafe in their suits”

• “yes ned. we’re stocked up on baby powder”

• which you didnt mind bc it felt nice telling the truth

• ned WANTED TO TELL PETER SO BAD

• “ned no, i don’t want him to think of me differently”

• he understood. but still defended peter and said that hed still treat you the same

• anyway,,, peter started showing up with bruises and stuff which had you v concerned

• “pete what’s up? you’ve been avoiding ned and i and you have skipped out on every movie night since sophomore year started”

• “t’s nothing. dont worry ab it”

• “peter cmon, it’s just me”

• you figured maybe it had to do with ben??? but you gave him his space. you just wanted to be there for him yanno. you didnt want him to shut you out

• “Y/N I SAID ITS NOTHING. FOR FUCKS SAKE CAN YOU LEAVE ME ALONE???” he snapped (and not in the good way)

• and this was on your way to class so the whole hallway heard

• ouch

• so you left him alone. probably more than he meant. but it hurt

• i mean he was your first friend here, and now he yelled at you to leave you alone

• ned felt awful at first. trying to comfort you and tell you it wasnt your fault

• but then he started acting weird. whenever you brought up peter hed be super antsy about it

• you- “i think he got into another fight or something”

• ned- “pFFT PETER? FIGHTING? no way,,, i got-i gotta go”

• so you figured that whatever peter was hiding, ned knew about,, which also hurt your feelings

• so you closed off

• and wow could the super family tell something was wrong

• wanda- “little stark, i can feel your sadness all the way to my room”

• sam/bucky/rhodes- “okay what’s the deal, we’ve played 5 rounds of fortnite and you havent once rage quit even though you’re doing terrible”

• tony- “kid, what’s wrong? everyone here can tell you’re not feeling great”

• nat- “cmon. ive given you 3 opportunities to kick my ass and you havent once complained about me going easy?”

• thor- “lady y/n what is causing you distress? not once have you smiled, i even wore my hair in pigtails,,, and that seems to always do the trick”

• and you gave the same response every time “‘m just tired” “lots of homework”

• they noticed you werent going out on weekends anymore

• so tony figured that your friend group and you were having some Stuff

• pep gave him an idea of meeting his new prodigy

• now tony knew it’d be kinda sus because peter went to midtown but he figured that if the kid kept his mask on it’d be fine

• “dad i don’t wanna see another one of your weird maid robots”

• “wha- no i want you to meet someone”

• “dad college isn’t for another 2 years. if it’s your friend from MIT-“

• then right before your eyes was the insect boy that youve been admiring through the internet

• needless to say

• your jaw dripped

• “y/n meet spiderling, spiderling meet my daughter y/n stark”

• *seconds pass*

• “i uh- oH- um- sp-spidERman, h-hi. biG fan of you- your work”

• *silence*

• you- “oH dad diD you hear th-that? moM is calling mE”

• tony- “what?? pep wouldve called on the interco-“

• spiderman- “y/n”

• you- SHOOK TO THE CORE BECAUSE YOU KNEW THAT VOICE. THAT WAS THE VOICE THAT SOUNDED LIKE HONEY BUT COULD CUT YOU DEEPER THAN ANY WEAPON IN YOUR HOUSE

• you- “p-peter???”

• tony- *shocked pikachu face* “you know each other???”

• you- “so-something like that yeah”

• peter takes off his mask

• “ohmygodpeterisspiderman”

• “ohmygodyourlastnameisntsmith”

• tony- “im gonna let you guys figure this out” *walks backward slowly*

*insert silence*

• you- “so this is what you were hiding, huh?” with a cold tone

• “IM HIDING? YOU LIED ABOUT YOUR WHOLE HOME LIFE TO NED AND I”

• *yelling at each other for another minute. even though you couldnt hear what the other is saying*

• you- *yelling loudest “I DIDNT WANT YOU TO SEE ME DIFFERENTLY OKAY”

• peter- “you really thought id do that?” (heartbreaking voice)

• you- “i- once i got to know you, i knew you wouldnt but i was scared. i didn’t know how to tell you. for once in my life i had found someone my age who liked ME for ME. not for my name or money or my dad. and i didn’t want to change that. i’m sorry i didn’t tell you sooner”

• peter- “... i get what you mean. after ben died everyone gave me that look. except you and ned.”

• you- “why didn’t you tell me”

• peter- “everyone i love or ever cared about dies. my parents and then my uncle ben. so once i got my abilities i knew that the risk was even higher and i didn’t want to put you in that position. i wanted to keep you safe. but it seems like you know how to handle yourself” (referring to the fact that you grew up with THE EARTHS MIGHTIEST HEROS)

• y/n- “so how come ned found out?”

• peter *scratches back of neck* “well- he- i- May let him in my room and i happen to be crawling on the ceiling in my suit and he dropped the death star” *head hangs in shame*

• you had to giggle at that i mean CMON

• you stepped closer to him

• “pete you’re my best friend. you can tell me anything okay?”

• “no more secrets?”

• “no more secrets”

• and you both pinky promise and your thumbs “kiss” bc IF THEY ITS THE ULTIMATE UNBREAKABLE VOW DONT @ ME

• peter parker gives you the biggest hug that maKES YOUR HEART JUMP BC PHYSICAL CONTACT WITH A PERSON AS PRETTY AS HIM MAKES YOUR HEART FEEL A CERTAIN WAY

• but you wrapped your arms around his neck and enjoyed the moment

• wow he is really cozy

• * the avengers are watching from the cameras in awe*

• led to MANY questions at dinner

• and so everything went back to “normal”

• it wasn’t until you went to bed that night that you realized peter said the L word

• WHAT

• so much for no secrets

taglist: @silver-winter-wolf @emmmmszy @everythingaboutnothingsstuff @rexorangecouny @wishiwasanavenger @marjoherbo @nologinisoksothatsit @mindset-jupiter @hpnjrph @soup238

some favs/mutrals: @h-osterfield @starksparker @stuckonspidey @sunshinehollandd @keepingupwiththeparkers @hey-marlie @spyder-bites

[berkcwitz]

❛ ✶ (   madison beer, cisfemale, she/her   )   spotted   !   jalissa   berkowitz   was   spotted   singing   along   to   find   my   way   by   dababy   in   hilton   grove  .   you’ve   heard   of   them   right   ?   they   are   a   twenty   two   year   old   pornographic   actress   /   internet   personality   who   has   already   amassed   a   net   worth   of   550m  .   you   should   really   follow   them   on   insta   @callmejalissa  ,   they’re   about   to   hit   89m   followers  .   the   tabloids   have   been   calling   them   the   vixen   because   they   are   known   for   being   whimsical   but   also   a   bit   abrasive  .   though   most   people   recognize   them   by   a   drunken   gaze   staring   into   the   mirror   as   she   holds   finger   guns   to   her   head   ,   a   laugh   too   contagious   ,   leaving   notes   in   lipstick   on   bathroom   mirrors   &   echoing   of   her   mothers   longtime   disapproval   .    —   ooc info   (   mia.   twenty.   est.   she/her.   )

GUYYYSSSS ?! this group ? a masterpiece , wow . im hella excited to get to roleplay with you all . im mia by the way , im twenty ( i’ll be 21 in june what a vibe ) & i live in the est ( a clam chowder eating , dunkin donuts chugging , no Rs havin , boston sports loving new englander ). also i go by she/her pronouns ! i am going to be so honest with you guys . this intro is dummy long . like , i promise i will not judge you if you hmu asking for a quick synopsis of my girl because this shit below this cut ? is a novella & a half , sis . if im very honest i really just needed to flesh her out completely because she’s a new baby of mine ? and i wanted to make sure i really knew her before i put her out on the dash . im so anal about this , i know . anyways , before this little note section gets as long as the intro without further a do ? adu ? idfk ... here’s jalissa , she’s ... a piece of work . also if you'd prefer to plot on discord hmu @ 𝖒𝖌𝖐'𝖘 𝖜𝖍𝖔𝖗𝖊#9789 .

𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐃𝐄𝐏𝐓𝐇

full name: jalissa  billie-jean  berkowitz nickname: lissa , jals , jb , berks , jalissa cadden ( porn name ) birthday: october 13th birthplace: fort lauderdale , florida hometown: hilton grove residence: hilton grove nationality: american ( est. 1997 through birth ) , british ( est. 1997 automatically a citizen due to mother’s citizenship , passport was claimed est. 2012 ) ethnicity: askenazi jewish ( maternal & paternal , 100% ) religion: judaism orientation: pansexual , panromantic ( she never really came out per say , people just kind of know she’s attracted to all genders . her family is very religious and she’s very involved with her synagogue so she’s made the choice not the necessarily put a label on her sexuality but is open about loving people no matter gender ) languages spoken: english ( fluent , first language ) , yiddish ( fluent , second language ) , spanish ( fluent , third language ) , german ( conversational , fourth language ) . father: henry  christian  berkowitz  ( 50 years old )  was born & raised in fort lauderdale , florida by a politician / banking heir & talk show host / philanthropist . henry himself went on to follow in his father’s footsteps and serve as a us senator for two terms & currently is the ceo of berkowitz capital . ( relationship:  it’s never been perfect but the love is clear in the relationship & he’s been much better at being supportive of her in recent years . certainly a daddy’s little girl even when you do wrong you can’t do much wrong type of situation ) mother : austen  sylvia  rachelson-berkowitz  ( 48 years old ) was born & raised in westminster ,  england up until her teens when she & her mother moved to washington dc after her mother had become the incumbent uk ambassador to the united states . austen was crowned miss usa at the age of 20 & later went on to follow in her families long time involvement in politics ( holding former offices as a us representative as well as governor for two terms ) . today she spends much of her time putting her law degree to work on criminal cases . ( relationship: they’ve never been close & have never quite seen eye to eye . since jalissa was nineteen she & her mom haven’t said more than ten words to one another & if they have it’s never necessarily positive ) brother: kenneth  patrick  berkowitz  ( 24 years old ) was born in fort lauderdale , florida & raised in hilton grove . he shares the same parents as jalissa and is the couples first born & only son . kenneth is following in the berkowitz footsteps & is heading the uk sector for berkowitz capital since graduating from columbia university a couple years back . ( relationship: the two siblings have always been close. they had a similar friend group growing up & alot of the same interests . they’re still rather close to this day despite being countries away from one another ) sister: sariah  rachel  berkowitz ( 19 years old )  was born in fort lauderdale , florida & raised in hilton grove . she shares the same parents as jalissa and is the couples last born . sariah currently attends stanford university where she’s on a pre med track . ( relationship: the two were often at each other’s necks growing up . mostly because how similar they are to one another . as of recently the two have grown close , though , with sariah fessing up to looking up to her older sister ) social class: upper education: highschool diploma ( hilton grove highschool g. 2015 ) career: youtuber ( from 2014-present ) , pornographic actress ( from 2016-present ) , podcaster (from 2018-present ) notoriety: being apart of the prominent berkowitz family , having one of the top 10 most watched pornographic movies , her podcast with her best friend tickets to our downfall  & her youtube channel callmejalissa . weight: 122lbs  height: 5′4″ hair color: brown ( with blonde highlights ) eye color: hazel ( wears blue contacts sometimes ) positive traits: whimsical , astute , extroverted , affectionate , quick , intelligent , friendly , ambitious , passionate , humorous , loyal , compassionate , effervescent negative traits: opportunistic , recalcitrant , hypocritical , vain , critical , stubborn , distant , sneaky , abrasive , sarcastic , obsessive , vengeful , reckless , arrogant likes: black coffee , birthday parties , lying , sunshine , baby pink , glossy lips , gossiping , stand up comedy , sunkissed skin , dogs , peanut butter , popping champagne bottles , driving with the windows down , swimming , mimosas , oversized sweaters , taco bell , cranberry juice , makeup , football , cosmetic work , arguing , online shopping , exotic foods , jewelry the price of a car , fresh berries , roller skating dislikes: liars , driving in the snow , her mother , jelly , basketball , bad drivers , when people lie about their cosmetic work , sushi , hateful people , disloyalty , overly emotional people , romance , being alone ,  astrology enthusiasts , hospitals , silence , cheap perfume , criticism , traffic , being late , red wine , short hair , anything banana or grape flavored  hobbies: reading magazines , dancing to her newly curated playlist in the mirror , gossiping with her grandparents , video editing , meddling , going for brunch , goat yoga , drinking alcohol while snuggled up in bed , painting alternate universe cartoons , attending big soirees , making impulsive decisions , smoking weed , sleepovers with her closest friends , suntanning on yacht decks , late night instagram lives , marilyn monroe movie marathons  chara inspo: kourtney kardashian , emily nelson ( a simple favor ) , tan france ( queer eye ) , evie zamora ( thirteen ) , rebekah mikaelson ( the vampire diaries ) , jennifer check ( jennifer’s body ) , gabrielle solis ( desperate housewives ) , regina george ( mean girls ) , lucifer morningstar ( lucifer ) , kathryn merteuli ( cruel intentions ) , veronica lodge ( riverdale ) , chanel oberlin ( scream queens ) , samantha jones ( sex and the city ) , andie anderson ( how to lose a guy in 10 days ) , blair waldorf ( gossip girl ) , naomi lapaglia ( wolf of wall street ) , maddy perez ( euphoria ) , kat hernandez ( euphoria ) fashion inspo: fran drescher , bella hadid , alex chung , madison beer , romee strijd , kendall jenner , selena gomez  career inspo: tana mongeau , jordan lipscombe , sofia franklyn , alexdandra cooper , lana rhodes , abella danger headcanons: she has one hundred percent smashed the windows in an exes car , she drives a black range rover , vandalized an exes home before , says “ harely quinn is my spirit animal “ once a day , is not the type of ask if you’re okay with her vlogging , has slept with rock stars and couldn’t care less that they’re basically the age of dirt at this point , is actually very sad when she’s not putting on the vivacious front in front of people , dances on tables whens she’s drunk , its not a party unless someone has offered her a line  

𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐉𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐀

the   berkowitz   family name has long been one that holds prestige & power . among the 1% for over a century . they are a prominent banking family that has had their hands in the pots of nearly every big banking company across the nation . coming into the united states after word broke of the california gold rush back in 1849 , the berkowitz brother’s were of the lucky few to acquire pounds of gold by the thousands . later founding what would become a leading investment bank known as berkowitz capital . the generations to follow would capitalize on the head start given to them by the two brothers . expanding the family company as well as the knowledge of the family name through heavy involvement in politics alongside the kennedy’s . since as early as 1953 there has always been a berkowitz family member actively appointed to a political role ( governor , senator , representative , us ambassador , etc ) . although the families roots within the states are documented in the capital of california , as generations went on they made their way over to the east coast , with most of the family members now residing in southern florida . 

the   rachelson   family is a prominent political family . synonymous with power & eloquence . with their rise initially taking place in the british parliament . many escaped to england from germany between 1933-1935 . they hadn’t settled into the states until jocelyn rachelson ( jalissa’s maternal grandmother ) was appointed the united kingdoms ambassador to the united states in 1987 . the rachelson’s have since had heavy involvement in the us government , both behind the scenes and at the forefront . much of the rachelson family have stayed within the european union ( germany & poland ) as well as england . although the few that followed jocelyn to the states now reside in washington dc and the tri-state area .

henry & austen had met through their mutual friends . it didn’t take long before the two became a rather public couple , a supercouple if you would ( similar to that of a brangelina of the 1% ) . although they’d met in new york the two decided that when it was time to start a family they wanted to move to hilton grove , an island austen had eyed for years . instead they found themselves moving down to fort lauderdale where henry had grown up . before they knew it , they were three kids deep in settling down in fort lauderdale . austen’s anger from never wanting to build a life in florida started to tumble into the relationship & the daily life of the family & so in an effort to recover the marriage henry agreed to moving the family up to hilton grove , where they have resided ever since .

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐉𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐀 𝐄𝐑𝐀

jalissa was born the second of three children and oh boy does she suffer from middle child syndrome , riddled with a envy and a need to be in the mix . the berkowitz household , although , from the outside looking in looked like a fabulous family life was anything but . jalissa , like her siblings , was born on a pedestal & what came attached with that was even higher expectations from her parents . her parents found a way to be extremely authoritarian & uninvolved all at the same time . they were very dismissive if you disappointed them & everything jalissa did seemingly did just that .

for a long time she was obsessed with getting her parents approval , she’d turned life into a silent competition between herself & her siblings . she befriended only the people her parents approved of , did all the events they asked her to do , did everything she could to excel academically & only dated people who were of benefit to her parents ( people who’s parents where also in high places ) . 

during highschool she joined the model un , debate team , and soccer team . if it were up to jalissa & not her parents she’d probably had joined the cheerleading team but her mother would never let that fly . it was too “ self indulgent “ to fit the family brand ( if only she’d known what would be coming years later lol ) .

it wasn’t until she was seventeen that she started to deviate from her parents wishes . of course , the catalyst to this was a boy , one her parents hadn’t really approved of but jalissa was completely head over heels for him . he really helped her boost her confidence to be her own person ? and not allow her parents to treat her like a puppet . with his encouragement she started her youtube channel , something she’d wanted to do for years but her mother had shot down the idea anytime jalissa brought it up . it was once again too “ self indulgent ” . the channel known as callmejalissa was an outlet for her , talking to a camera was the most heard she’d felt in seventeen years of her life . and god she knew that was hella sad . she really grew to view her subscribers as family & by the time her channel was brought to her parents attention ( more like her mothers , her dad had found her channel just four months after she’d made it and promised not to tell her mother so long as she was smart about what she posted ) she was about to turn eighteen and there wasn’t much they could do to stop her from doing it .

at eighteen she’d graduated highschool salutatorian with offers from university of pennsylvania & brown university . in all honesty she didn’t wnat to go to college , she saw it as a complete waste of her time . it wasn’t like she was going to do anything with the degree anyways . it would simply be a point of bragging for her parents at events & at this point she really could care less about them being able to brag to their friends . she knew she had to play along though , because this was the same year she was going to receive her first half of her trust fund ( a whoopin 500m , yes her trust fund in total will be 1b her parents are grossly wealthy guys ) so she bamboozled ? her parents , promising she’d committed to attending penn just so they’d allow for the money to be released to her account . she moved out of the house , literally moving into a house of her own a couple blocks from her parents house & claimed she was living in pennsylvania for college . we stan a sneaky binch .

two months later her parents were at her front door , though , ready to give her an ear full . her mother basically disowned her at this point . telling her how every year jalissa found a new way to be a bigger disappointment . her dad kind of played good cop , like he normally would because her mother often dug into her pretty deeply . to the point where any insecurity ( even though with the way she carries herself you’d never think she has any ) she has stems from something her mother has said / called her in the past . if henry berkowitz had a soft spot , it was certainly jalissa , it that had only grown clearly with the harsher austen became on the girl .

a few months before her nineteenth birthday a sex tape was released of jalissa cheating on her boyfriend at the time . it was a drunken mistake she’d made around the time of her mother basically disowning her , but that explanation did suffice for her boyfriend who inevitably broke things off with her . although this was a horrific time she’d received an abundance of offers to film more tapes . it was enticing to say the least . she was someone who loved intercourse but also had this deeply rooted desire to get back at her mother ? and what better way to do so then to something so far left from what her mother was about . this was next level disappointment in the eyes of austen berkowitz . the only thing that made sense ( in her mind ) was to dive head first into the porn industry .

like you’d expect her parents had a fit when they found out about her new career choice . although her internet fame had soared to new heights and her youtube & instagram followers were loving every second of this move . her mom was currently serving as governor and has since not been able to get elected in the political world since jalissa became one of the top porn stars around . they basically blacklisted her & jalissa feels no remorse , she’s gone so far as telling her mother “ sucks to be shunned , huh? ” .

although it took her dad a while to come around , he cares far too much to shut her out . 

not to long after jalissa & her best friend started their podcast tickets to our downfall , it’s a mix of call her daddy & the basement yard , basically two besties talking on a level that most people wouldn’t want to leave the privacy of their own space , giving advice , hoe tricks , and telling funny stories of their past . it a total hit & one of jalissa’s favorite things to do .

she live sin the same house she has since she was eighteen . she lives on her own with three dogs and a cat . she absolutely hates being alone and so maggie ( a tan corgi puppy ) , louis ( a  yellow lab puppy ) , humphrey ( a chocolate lab ) , and cedric ( a orange scottish fold ) are her babies that keep her sane in her big ole home . 

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 

as you can tell jalissa is chaotic , impulsive , reactive , and overall just searching for attention . she doesn’t care if the attention she receives is for the wrong reason or not , as long as she’s getting it . despite this she’s a good person ? i promise . she’s very friendly , loves a good joke & having a good time . very fun loving . she’s the type of person to try and bring up everyone else’s mood even when she isn’t feeling 100% herself . she’s loyal to those she deems are loyal to her . sometimes she’s bad a seeing who is actually loyal to her though & will be disloyal to someone who actually has her back ? oops . she’s definitely not the type to sugar coat anything for you , she tells it like it is & refuses to apologize if that hurts your feelings . if you cross her ? i’ll be praying for you . she’s the type to fuck your s/o , tell your boss some wild story about you & dump alcohol over your head at an event all in the matter of a week . don’t get her going , she’s absolutely relentless . with that said she’d very affectionate ... ? you can catch her hugging up on whoever is next to her at all times . touch is her love language , because lord knows she’s no sweetheart . she hates the stereotype of porn stars / internet personalities being ditzy , although she didn’t attend university she was accepted into two ivy leagues based off her academic abilities alone . the girl is intelligent & enjoys having a clever conversation from time to time .

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

a girl squad or just a squad in general really , give my baby her lil group of people please

her ex boyfriend from when she was seventeen ( he’s mentioned above ) but basically he’s the one who encouraged her to not let her parents make her their puppet , they didn’t approve of him , jalissa fell head over heels for him . they would’ve dated for nearly two years because the sex tape of her cheating on him came out .

the person she cheated on her ex with ? maybe they’re the one who leaked the sex tape ? maybe they never even told jalissa they were recording ? 

her best friend that she does the tickets to our downfall podcast with ? these two are literally like twins , just two peas in a pod ( pun intended )

fans of her work ? and im not taking about her youtube channel or podcast 

ex hook ups that think she’s crazy ? she probably gave them reason to think so lbr

frenemies give me blair & serena circa season one type of shit

just plain old enemies , they were probably friends at one point or maybe just have always disliked one another ? 

smoking buddies were they literally just hot box cars together and munch on taco bell talking about why sound vibrates & shit 

someone who isn’t afraid to confess their love for jalissa but her damaged ass refuses to confess her feelings for them ? so it’s just this constant cycle of them having a good time , them being sweet & her just gets weirdly quite & starring at them before she complaining about them going and ruining the vibes

she’s a bad influence on them ? they’re a good influence on her ? ride or dies ? partners in crime ? only friends when there is a substance involved ? sugar baby vibes ? unlikely friends ? flings ? crush ? friends with benefits ? everytime they are around one another its a fight ? someone she lets crash at her place sometimes ? someone she’s backstabbed & maybe they don’t even know she has & they still think she’s a ride or die for them ?

[coeurfroid]

( katie mcgrath, 33, female, she/her ) speaking of the bardet crime family, there goes LILITH GODFREY. i’ve heard that the BISEXUAL & SCORPIO works underground as a HITWOMAN, but that’s all stuff of rumors. however, the fact that they’re notoriously + PASSIONATE and + LOYAL as well as - OBSESSIVE and - HOTHEADED doesn’t bode well for their rep. ruby red lipstick, leather jackets, floral perfume.

BIO:

Lilith Roisin Godfrey was born in Dublin, Ireland. She’s the daughter of Shona, and Gerard Godfrey. Being the middle child, Lilith has felt a little bit out of place her whole life. She went to a strict Catholic school and was the perfect student up until the age of thirteen. After getting in with the wrong crowd, she became rebellious, unruly, and often ended up being brought back to her parents front door in the middle of the night by annoyed policemen.

When she was fifteen, her parents finally snapped. After she went missing for two days, her parents found her drinking in an abandoned church with a lot of boys, and a few close, female friends. Being religious, her parents obviously found her behaviour disgusting, and unforgivable. They lost all hope in her, sending her away on the next bus to boarding school.

Luckily, she wasn’t there for very long. But, while she was there, she behaved remarkably well to avoid more conflict. The last thing she wanted was to disappoint her parents further. After leaving, she was allowed back into the family home. But, she found that things were much different after that. Her parents never trusted her, and they didn’t want her spending time with her younger sister. They were worried that Lilith’s old behaviours might rub off on her.

At seventeen, she moved out of the family home, and in with a friend she’d met at boarding school. She worked 9-5 job every day, including weekends, in order to save up enough money to get away from Ireland eventually. Lilith cut all contact with her parents and the rest of her family. If they couldn’t trust her, or see that she’d changed, she wanted nothing more to do with them. And truthfully, she couldn’t forgive them for sending her away.

By the age of twenty-one, Lilith had saved up enough money to get away from her homeland. She worked for her visa and has been living here ever since. When she first arrived, she worked a normal job, then got involved with the Bardet family. Taking lives for money was the ultimate sin, but what better way to get back at her parents, and God? The big guy upstairs had never helped her out when she needed him, so why should she believe that there were such things as Heaven and Hell? And so what if there were? Hadn’t her crimes as a teenager earned her a place in the fiery pits anyway?

Lilith took lives with easy weapons at first, then worked her way up to her weapon of choice – a sniper rifle. She, of course, took lessons, and now she never misses a shot. Her first kill was the hardest, but she found it pretty easy after that. She didn’t know these people, and, more importantly, she didn’t give a damn about them. If they were the Bardet family’s enemies, they were hers, too. She has a lot of blood on her hands, but she still sleeps like a baby most nights, after a couple of vodkas. Some would say she’s always been a bit of a psychopath, others would say that she’s just a bitter woman, taking her anger out on the world. The truth is only known to her, and her alone.

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

Best friends: Lilith isn’t exactly easy to get along with, but everybody needs friends. They can be people from the Bardet crime circle or people from the club. Even just civilians, it doesn’t matter at all.

Ex-lovers (men & women): She was probably a lot to handle – closed off and often cold. Maybe they knew that something wasn’t quite right with her and that she definitely doesn’t work a normal job.

Associates: People she’s met while working for the Bardets.

Enemies/frenemies: Self-explanatory, really! Maybe your muse just really hates mine, or she’s taken the life of one of their friends/family members.

Slide into my IMs and plot anytime!

[cruelangelstheses]

every nasty thought

fandom: dragon age rating: T characters: anders/hawke words: 2.4k additional tags: canon compliant, mental illness, ocd, trichotillomania, angst with a happy ending, intrusive thoughts, solitary confinement, gender neutral hawke description: anders has been dealing with intrusive thoughts his whole life. an exploration of anders’s character through the lens of ocd and trichotillomania. a/n: HELLO i’ve been very busy recently and haven't had much time to write but i’ve been wanting to do something like this for a while based somewhat on my experience (im projecting lol) so i banged this out for day 5 of @proandersweek - neurodivergent anders! title from “obsessions” by marina and the diamonds. for the full tag list that goes into a bit more of specifics wrt the intrusive thoughts, check the ao3 link

read it on ao3

—

After Anders’s magic manifests for the first time, in the quiet solitude of his bedroom, he finds his fingers itching with the power in his blood. It was always there, he supposes, but now he knows it’s there. Now he can feel it, can recognize the fire always pulsing through his veins, the sparks he could bring to his fingertips in an instant if he so willed it. The magic calls to him, like the feeling of standing at the edge of a cliff and wondering how it would feel to jump, or like a book he’s forbidden to read. The world screams danger, but his hands ache to break the rules.

He’s not stupid. He knows what would happen if anyone in the village discovered his powers. Still, it feels strange trying to continue on living as if nothing has changed now that he knows what he is. Suddenly he no longer feels perfectly at home; when he looks around at his friends and neighbors, all he can think of is how he’s different. He no longer feels like one of them.

Anders lives in a small house in a small village, so he doesn’t get a whole lot of privacy. Before he found out he was a mage, he didn’t really mind it. He likes having friends, likes having a group of people he can think of as his second family. He likes talking to the neighbors and helping to take care of animals or children. Now, though, he finds himself wishing for some alone time, a place where he can practice his magic without getting caught. He’ll sometimes conjure ice in his bedroom at night, but other than that, he doesn’t really have anywhere to go. He could maybe practice in the barn when nobody’s in it, but he’s afraid he might harm one of the animals.

The desire to learn spells, the temptation of the taboo, wages war with Anders’s fear of hurting someone. The thoughts come late at night, when he’s lying awake overthinking, but they also come in the middle of the day, when he’s walking around in the village square or talking with a friend: I could kill any one of these people. I could do it right now if I’m not careful. What if I snap and electrocute my father? What if I try to pet one of the barn cats and accidentally freeze it?

Anders has had distressing thoughts before, thoughts of someone he loves dying, or thoughts of being harmed himself. The difference this time is simply that he’s talked about these kinds of thoughts with his mother; he’s had her remind him that his fears are unfounded, that he’s safe, that they’re all safe. He still feels the need to perform rituals, like feeding the animals just the right amount of food or touching both his shoulders with his fingertips when he wakes up each morning, to ensure that nothing bad will happen, but when he has someone in his corner, the thoughts don’t consume him as much as they could if he were dealing with them alone.

Unfortunately, his newest obsessions all have to do with him being a mage. He can’t even attempt to use logic to fight the bad thoughts, because all of his fears are not only possible, but probable. It’s all he’s ever heard about mages. They can snap at any moment. They can kill twenty people in one fell swoop. They can lose control. They need to be locked up, for everyone else’s safety. He can’t confide in anyone, can’t rely on anyone to tell him that he isn’t going to set his friends on fire. So he deals with the thoughts in silence, the fear mounting with every passing day.

It’s around this time, then, that Anders starts pulling at his hair.

He likes keeping it fairly long, though he often puts it up in a ponytail so it doesn’t get in his face while he’s working or playing. There are always stray hairs, though, and soon he finds that they serve two purposes: to give his fingers something to do so that they no longer twitch with energy, and to help him cope with his obsessions. When he pulls, he goes into a trance, his mind almost empty as he focuses on the feeling of the hair on his fingertips, the slight pinch when he plucks it from his scalp. It’s oddly satisfying, even calming, and it makes him feel safe.

—

About a month after that first surge of magic bloomed in his hands, Anders accidentally starts a fire in the barn.

They get all the animals out in time, but his secret is out. His parents saw him trip and fall, saw as his hand shot out a blast of fire. It may have been his body’s method of self-defense, but it doesn’t matter, because now his mother is looking at him with tears in her eyes, and his father is staring at him in horror.

“I—I’m sorry,” he sputters desperately. “I didn’t mean to, I swear, it won’t happen again, I—”

His mother steps toward him and puts her arms around him, but his father might as well not have heard him. Anders has to fight the urge to push his mother away, the terror crowding in his head: You have no self-control. You’re going to kill her. You’re going to kill your own mother like the monster you are.

That night, Anders lies awake in bed, listening to his parents argue back and forth. His mother wants to protect him. His father, however, thinks it would be best to call the templars. Anders can hear the fear in his voice: fear not just of magic, but of him, his own son, twelve years old and a danger to everyone around him.

Anders pulls almost frantically at the hair on his scalp, but it doesn’t feel like enough, so he starts pulling at his eyebrows too, the coarser hair providing a different sensation. If he pulls enough, maybe it’ll serve as penance.

By morning, his eyebrows are half gone, the skin bright red and rubbed raw. His father contacts the templars anyway. His friends and neighbors stop talking to him. All Anders can think is that it wasn’t enough.

—

It’s strange. His obsessions tell him that he is dangerous, that he needs to be locked up to protect everyone else, that he will kill innocent people if left unchecked. Yet, on his good days, days where he’s better able to fend off those thoughts, he decides that the Circle is bad. In his moments of clarity, Anders recognizes his desire to be free. He daydreams about being able to live a life without being a slave to the Chantry or to his own fears. He starts taking an interest in healing spells in the hope that he can challenge the idea in his mind that magic means pain.

Anders soon realizes that everything he’s been told about mages is a lie. He meets mages who are in complete control, who have been studying magic for decades, people who could live outside of the Circle for the rest of their lives and probably never fall prey to a demon or hurt a civilian with their magic. He meets mages who are compassionate and kind. He meets mages that he could dare to love.

His year in solitary confinement is the worst year of his life. Alone with no one but himself and nothing to do but sit and think, his brain has a fucking field day. This is for the best, you know, it tells him the first few days. You should be locked up in here forever, not just a year. You could snap at any moment. You could kill an apprentice. You would’ve if they hadn’t put you in here.

His mind blames him for Karl being transferred to Kirkwall, has been blaming him for years. He got too comfortable. He let himself feel happiness, feel love. He didn’t perform his rituals enough, didn’t pull enough, and because of it Karl is gone.

During his time in the Circle, his obsessions sometimes take a more religious turn, probably due to the immense amount of Chantry ideology that permeates every corner. He’s gone through periods where all he can think about is how he is unworthy in the eyes of the Maker, how his magic is punishment for all the horrible things inside him, and his time in solitary is no exception. He has intrusive thoughts about the intrusive thoughts. You’re an affront to the Maker. You think about killing your peers and loved ones, and for that you’re going to suffer for eternity. He uses praying and repenting as one of his rituals in the vain hope that it’ll make his brain stop, just stop.

Then the thoughts take a turn for the morbid. He has visions of hurting himself, of electrocuting or immolating himself, of digging his fingernails into his skin until he draws blood or hitting his head against the wall so hard he passes out. I could do it. I could do it right now. I could set myself on fire and be done with it. The thought terrifies him. He doesn’t want to die. He just wants to be able to live.

It’s during solitary, though, that he has his revelation, a revelation that he feels he should’ve figured out a long time ago: all of his obsessions are about things that are the exact opposite of what he really thinks or wants. He doesn’t want to kill. He doesn’t want to die. He doesn’t truly believe that the Maker gives people magic to punish them. And he certainly doesn’t believe that he should be locked up forever simply for an accident of birth.

Two things make his time in solitary bearable: that realization, and the cat Mister Wiggums, who listens to him talk about these things without judgment, and who curls up in his lap when he senses that Anders is in distress. He pulls a lot of his hair out, though. When he’s let back out, the other mages comment that he looks like a different person.

—

Anders isn’t sure if merging with Justice has made things better or worse. On the one hand, it’s comforting, having a friend always with him in some way. On the other, now he has a new fear to obsess over: the fear that Justice will take over and hurt someone.

He realizes, though, that that fear is actually just one of his old fears, rebranded to look like something new. He’s come full circle. He’s twelve years old again, unsure how to handle this newfound power, feeling out of control and hurtling into a strange world.

—

Kirkwall’s Circle is awful, and Darktown is...well, Darktown, but the people that visit Anders in his clinic make it worth it.

It’s incredible, seeing ordinary people, refugees from the Blight, who look at him not with fear but with respect and even a sort of reverence. Children whose sicknesses he’s healed gaze up at him with a spark in their eyes and a thank you on their lips. Even people who aren’t sick or injured start to visit him every once in a while, to check up on him or talk to him or even give him a couple bandages, in the case of Lirene. He hears about them sticking their necks out for him when templars comes snooping around—for him, an apostate mage with obsessions that have made him believe he’s nothing but a danger to everyone around him. It doesn’t make the thoughts stop—nothing does—but it makes them easier to bear, at least somewhat.

Anders’s hair has mostly grown back since his time in solitary, but his eyebrows are a bit sparse, and he still sort of looks like he’s balding already, at the ripe old age of thirty-two. He’s not usually very self-conscious about his looks, but he’ll admit, it catches him off guard when the next person to take an interest in him is none other than a fellow apostate and Fereldan refugee named Hawke, who turns to him one night a few weeks after their initial meeting and says, “You know I’m not kidding when I flirt with you, right?”

It comes out of nowhere. They’re heading down to Lowtown to check out a job. Behind them, Hawke’s brother scoffs in annoyance, and the dwarf, Varric, chuckles knowingly.

Anders raises an eyebrow, suddenly aware of how he must look. Hawke is younger and more muscled than he is, with thick, dark hair that’s probably softer and smoother than his. “You’re...not?” he says slowly. He has to refrain from asking, What do you even see in me? He already warned Hawke to stay away from him, and he hasn’t been able to figure out if the subsequent flirting was serious or not.

Hawke laughs. “Of course not. You’re passionate. You’re serious when you need to be, but you’re also funny. You understand me. You’re attractive. You’re—”

Anders holds a hand up, unable to contain the surprised little smile working its way onto his face. “Did you just say I’m attractive?”

Hawke snorts. “That’s what you got from all that?”

“No, I—” Anders lowers his hand as they both laugh. “It’s just...kind of startling. I mean, even when I’m like...this?” He gestures to all of himself. Hawke noticed his hair-pulling not too soon after they met, and Anders decided he might as well explain at least a little bit of his state of mind.

The fact that Hawke didn’t leave after that, didn’t even seem too fazed, was enough for Anders to trust them almost completely. He’s only told two other people about his obsessions: his mother and Karl. Thank you for not running away, he’d said after he told Hawke about Justice, and he felt the need to say it again then. He feels like he needs to say it now, too, like if he says it enough times, it’ll erase everything bad that could ever happen.

Hawke flashes him a soft smile, eyes twinkling. “Yes, even when you’re like that.”

Hawke’s brother gags exaggeratedly, so Hawke turns around and makes an obscene hand gesture at him. In the back of his mind, Anders hears those familiar voices threatening to take hold again, telling him that he’ll only hurt Hawke if he allows himself to get close. They’ll never really go away, he knows, but he has someone in his corner, and that makes all the difference.

[lovingikesen]

Gonna throw you 5 asks. -mitsuhidethesnek 9. do you sleep with your doors open or closed? what about your windows? 11. what posters, pictures, etc do you have hanging on your wall? 25. what’s your favorite story to tell people? 27. what item of clothing could you not live without? 30. what’s the worst restaurant you’ve ever been to?

yay! i didnt thought that i would get an ask xD 9. It depends, usually closed but always with some of my cats to make me company and windows it depends as well xD in summer open in winter closed.

11. Actually none wjgask i used to have drawings and some posters/stickers that i got from randoms punk shows but we paint the room and i have been lazy on put it them again.

25. After scratching my brain a little bit i come up with two but i’ll go with the first time that i was assaulted -and luckily only one-: When i was 12-13 my best friend was OBSESSED with a boy from our school. I cant blame her tho, he was actually pretty cute xD but a little bit flirtatious so it was hard to tell if he like her or not. Anyways, she didnt knew his name, only that he was a year older and that they take the same bus to go to school, so she thought that she have an idea of where he lives. She dragged me and another friend to search for this boy house (a little bit impossible for someone that you dont know but oh well). We search literally everywhere that we could think off until a random dude came over, asking if we had a phone to call the police because he didnt have minutes to call (this was before the smartphones came out :O) and with my other friend look at each other like “no. fucking. way.”, we say no and keep moving but thissss guy insisted that it was urgent cause there was other guys selling drugs to little boys in his neighborhood and when i was going to give him my phone my beloved best friend passed her phone to him, but this not end there, nope. This dude say “come with me and i will return your phone inmediatily after i call”, so we went, and the whole time he tell us that he lived there for years, that her mom have a little store and a lot of random stories until we get to a little park where he did talk to some boys, played the guitar with them like if they knew each other, prank some girl saying that she was the ex-girlfriend of his brother so she hate him and a lot of fake stories for like 30 minutes or so, he make a lot of fake calls as well, like he was trying to contact the police. Until he said “wait here im gonna make another call and tell my mom” and pointed a little store that it was conveniously in the corner of the park and before we could say anything he run in another direction... really fast. And we look at him in silence like “hey...its in the other way...”. There was a huge silence and my friend say to the guys of the guitar “hey, you know how long it will take your friend to call his mom?” and they say “we dont know him” and we were SO confused XD We try to call the phone but he didnt answer. Eventually we came to the conclussion “this bastard assaulted us” xD Finally we went to my friend house, her parents went crazy and when someone answer the phone of my friend someone say “i dunno....i just bought this phone for $30 usd” and the call end. He never answer again xD and after the hoooours we came to the final realization: you dont need minutes to call the police, its fucking fReE.

27. Probably a hoodie or a scarf, i get cold really easily

30. Another hard question xD im really maniac when it comes to a restaurant, i always try to search for recomendations or reviews, i really dont wanna pay for something that i would hate haha but! maybe one that i went yeaaarss ago with my dad, it was in a small town in the north of my country. I was vegetarian and there was nothing that i could eat, not even a salad so i went for a sandwich that it was basically cold bread with a little slice of cheese .__. and it was incredibly expensive to be just a non-effort sandwich that i was just like (╯°▽°)╯ ┻━┻ i cant blame them tho, in small towns in those years was really weird when someone says im vegetarian or vegan ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but still highly dissappointed xD

Im sorry the 25 question went particullary LONG ;__;  i dont mind if no ones actually read it, i did write too much that its even bothering me xD but hey! if you made it until here, thank you! Here, please accept this round little fella in sign for my gratitude (◡‿◡✿)

Also im sorry if i misspelled some words, i tried to read twice fixing errors. Thank u for the ask!

[murasakiyuzu]

List your top 5 Anime Characters, then tag 10 people

thanks for tagging me @glassmoonfortuneteller! sorry it took be a while to do this lmao -w-

in no particular order bc that would kill me:

1. Oikawa Tooru (Haikyuu!!)

i love every single character in this heckin anime, but oikawa rly messes up w all my feelings. im too weak for characters w gap moe, even if its the ‘looks very nice, is actually a bit of a demon’ kind and not the other way around, lmao. the thing abt oikawa is that he twists in and out of himself; he is handsome, charismatic and endearing at first glance, but hes also cunning and easily overcome by feelings of jealousy, inferiority and egoism. even so, hes an observant and hardworking leader who places his strength on the strength of his team as a whole, never thinking himself higher than his teammates. oikawa looks like he got everything easily, looks like hes a genius, but everything he has he worked very hard for. oikawa built himself to be a winner but never got the victory he wanted the most. nothing w oikawa is as it looks, and that why i cant help but love him.

2. Noiz (DRAMAtical Murder)

u knew he was going to be here, its gotta count for something that i, at least, didnt put him on number 1 too lmAO

just like oikawa, i fell victim to noizs gap moe as well. i mean, u give me a delinquent in weird clothes whos rude to everyone, pushy and even violent, and then turns out hes like a little kid at heart who buys foods without knowing their names, who doesnt know when to stop fighting bc he doesnt feel pain and no one ever cared abt his safety and thinks hes a monster bc of his insensitivity and silently suffers bc of it, ofc im gonna lay down my life for him. im gonna die for noiz ya hear me

theres not many scenes in anything that fucks me up more than the scene (that didnt make into the anime, sob) where he fights w aoba as theyre hiding in the oval tower, and then he tells aoba abt his insensitivity to pain and aoba pulls him down to him and tells noiz the world isnt as bad as he thinks and makes noiz slowly open up to him and learn from aoba how is it like to care abt someone else. its beautiful to see him, whos so young but is both hardened by the ugliness of the world hes seen and ignorant to the good things the world still has to offer, finally open himself up and make the first steps towards growth, and meaning to grow beside the one he fell in love with. im soft. my heart was found full of love.

3. Olivier Mira Armstrong (Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood)

ive been in love w this woman since i first read the manga and when i watched the anime i died, thats the story

just like haikyuu!!, i love every single character in this anime, like, im physically Incapable of hating any of them. but olivier stands out for me. i think theres people who prolly had a bad impression from her as she antagonized ed and al right when she showed up, but young me was in awe of her attitude and her strong resolve in seeing for herself what ed and al were worth. shes known as ‘the ice queen of briggs’ and she leads her men with an iron fist, but its also clear that shes fair and values the life of every one of her subordinates, like when buccaneer and the others were late in coming back to the surface after their rescue mission and thought they would be left for dead, only to find that olivier had subtly made sure they would be received any time they came back.

her confidence in her own judgement, how she dealt w miles’ conflict as an amestris soldier and part ishvallan and the way she doesnt rly give a fuck abt whats lawful and correct and goes through with the things she herself considers right, are all things i love so much abt her. when i was a kid i even tried to get my hair to be like hers LMAO

tldr; queen of my life

4. Kinomoto Sakura (Cardcaptor Sakura)

cardcaptor sakura was my first true anime. i did watch saint seiya and naruto on tv around that time as well, but cardcaptor sakura was the first one i actually watched in full and then rewatched again and again and obsessed over, lmao.

i was rly, rly young then. not a baby anymore, def; i was about 10-12? it was an age at which i was building my own personality. honestly, at that point in time i think i was already kinda Messed Up, lmao; id get on Moods and be rly depressed and then super cranky, and i was always socially awkward. sakura made a huge impression on me; it just seemed like her attitude made everything better. she talked to everyone and had lots of friends and it seemed like she had a lot of fun like that. i tried to be more cheerful like that (i wanted roller blades too but i dont live in a place where i can use it a lot, and my parents never bought it for me lmao), and while i never got the hang of being super bright to Everyone and im still kind of moody, i think she rly taught me to be lighter and not take myself too seriously, to always try to see the bright side of things and believe that everything will be alright.

5. Nino (ACCA: 13-ku Kansatsu-ka)

thats not an anime a lot of people watched, i think, and on that note, if @ u all didnt watch it, GO WATCH ACCA ITS SO GOOD UR LOSING OUT???, so theres prolly not a lot of people who would put nino in their top 5 favorite characters lmao

but hes absolutely worthy of it. its fascinating to see the mystery of his identity and actions throughout the anime slowly unravel itself. i even wrote a oneshot that delved into what he was doing and what he was thinking as the events of the show progressed, trying to fill the blanks that the canon didnt show. ill try not to be spoilery w this one bc i want u all to find out for urselves, but i love ninos intelligence, his attitude and his strong loyalty, and in that loyalty, the conflict he feels between his duty and his desire. the episode that shows his past is one of my favorites bc its so heartrending. i love how naturally he fits in with jean and lotta and how the three of them look like a family. anyway, watch acca and love nino w me ♡

I’m tagging @lithuanina, @satyr-syd, @realm-of-spells, and thats it bc im not in contact w a lot of people and tumblr is apparently not letting me tag some others either lmao rip

[bibbleboo]

Could we get some headcanons/more background on Abbey and Doyle’s kids? 🥺👉👈 I love the premise of this AU

YEEEEE (im just gonna ramble a bunch about the backstory i have so far but ill put it in bullets so its easier to follow lol i apologize for it being long as fuck-)

OKAY SO,,, first of all,,, doyle and abbey timeline,,,, [i am looking respectfully]

in this au, they get back together and have a sort of ‘lovers pretending to be enemies’ chaotic on again/off again hookup thing off to the side just between the two of them thru like Most of the final season, they try to keep it a secret (especially doyle who doubts the saturdays would be hAPPY if he was seeing her again) but in the end, saturdays ofc find out, probably are unsure about it at first, but she gains enough of their trust to be there for the big finale battle in the weird world mansion.

when shit goes down and argost becomes the vessel for the two opposing kurs (regular kur, and the anti kur from zak monday) and they like. explode his matter or w/e, i imagine instead of kur just completely disappearing, the ‘anti kur’ gets shot back to its universe, while original kur gets forced into a new vessel in this universe... the closest of which happens to be the unborn child abbeys unknowingly carrying. basically, what if the two kurs just LOOKED like they evaporated but actually did what happens when you try to like tape two same sides of a magnets together and they YEETED-

So thats how we have Parker, their firstborn daughter! and this... also implies ‘Parker Monday’ exists which. 8^) i havent thought about yet so forgive me on that but hoo, 

they dont know parker is kur, they got no idea and rly just assume kur is gone for good. but after they find out abbeys pregnant (which is a huge emotional trip for both of them in its own right) they do eventually sort of agree they dont want their kid exposed to that whole world of mystery. like, ik its a vital thing to the whole family, and ik these two people were probably voted least likely to ‘settle down’ in high school, but i cant imagine they didnt escape the kur/zak situation without a LOT of trauma, so while the saturdays stay in the cryptozoology field, doyle and abbey slowly pull away from the mystery and mercenary stuff, and also instead of going for big dollar lifestyle settle with ‘independently wealthy’ parenting.

also, neither of them really . grasp the concept that theyve even started a family, and are ‘together’, and that this is REAL, until around when she gets pregnant with their second daughter, Kendall. and then theyre like. oh nooo wait are we actually like boyfriend and girlfriend EWW-

when kendall is born parker is 3, and the next like 10+ years are pretty smooth sailing. as far as what the kids know/see, they probably know the cryptids when theyre little but. (tw animal death sORRY TO BE DARK I JUST??????) idk,, how long komodo dragons live/how old komodo already is and i definitely dont know Anything about giant prehistoric birds and am not even sure if science knows that lifespan, so. im not sure how long they could really be in each others lives??? i almost imagine parker would have memories of them that she assumes she remembers wrong, like “oh yeah they used to have a lizard and a bird... my imaginative little kid brain thought they were a komodo dragon and a dinosaur”, and as for fisk im still working on it but i . actually kind of imagine he might have a much longer lifespan (since lemurians are like ancient or w/e? and also if hes by dna like a gorilla cat or w/e gorillas at least live long af) and also feel like once he got older and settled down a bit he might live somewhere in the woods, maybe even his old tree? and the saturdays see him ALL the time obviously, but hey zaks gotta go to college eventually, a gorilla cats gotta eat bugs in forest, we all have to grow up and leave the nest sometime,

so idk the last time parker has actually seen fisk and she might assume he was an imaginary friend or smth but, 1. if i do write a fic they absolutely have to meet again, 2. overall the vibe is they know the saturdays are cryptozoologists, like, the same way josh gates does destination truth, seeking answers and studying, they dont really. know that theyre REAL. to them its like, a hypothetical science. (this is also part of why they dont realize parker is kur, she isnt around cryptids and therefore whenever her powers would actually show up they wouldnt be recognized) anyways parker isnt embarrassed or put off by it but just thinks its a little wacky, meanwhile kendall is obsessed with the world of mystery/paranormal/cryptic lol

speaking of the girls personalities;;;

parker is like. not really normie/preppy, even if she seems it at first glance, shes nice and has a good head on her shoulders but also is a teenage girl (inherently unhinged) and shes THEIR teenage girl (+5 feral) so despite her success and charm shes also very witty/crass when she wants to be, and deep down shes closer to the kind of person that would on pure inexplicable instinct put something random in your mouth when you’re yawning so you bite down on it afterwards. or like. that video of the girl singing in the bathroom while her friends curl their hair and she grabs the curler to use as a microphone before realizing its burning hot??? shes. the voice of reason, but the voice is usually shrieking in fear, making a cursed joke, or half the time whatever shes saying is actually smart. she kinda wants to go to college and travel, but struggles with indecisiveness and anxiety, so she has no idea where to go, what to major in, etc. and is again kinda just livin thru the typical teen life in that regard

kendall on the other hand is like. weird kid culture, the kind of kid that believes they are secretly a new supernatural creature each year (mermaid phase, werewolf phase, alien phase, etc), probably completely accidentally starts cults or witch covens at school (didnt realize teaching peers how to become ‘blood brothers’ and ‘make potions’ from puddles and stolen school supplies would be taken so seriously by parents) , very into emo/scene/punk/alt culture but not rly in an overtly dark/edgy way, more of a having fun and expressing self way. she wants answers for everything, really loves mysteries and being open minded, and definitely a rebel/adventurer at heart, even if she gets naive or in over her head sometimes.

the girls get along well! parker is not dismissive of kendall she just. isnt really into the same stuff/is more freaked out by it most of the time, but she would tag along on certain adventures, especially if it was to keep her safe. and kendall definitely directs gentle mockery towards parker a lot but does see her as a good role model and guiding figure, their bond is really strong!

other details !

doyle and abbey prob decide to say fuck it and get married after kendall is born, they probably have a few rough patches but nothing is more important to them than the kids now and in the end they understand each other better than anyone else so . canon tension idk her! family ftw! power couple! they intimidate the teacher during parent teacher conferences together hand in shady little hand !

their parenting style is exactly what one would imagine, 70% fun and sass and controlled chaos where theyre the bigger children than their children, 15% ‘this is how you hack the government and dual wield swords-- i was not supposed to teach you that im sorry’, and 15% actual guidance / emotional depth / etc. flaws might be overcoming their own immaturity for the first few years, and then being lowkey overly protective (while claiming they arent, but just bc you semi jokingly tell parker she should join the football team doesnt mean you dont actually hide 60% of ur life from her and check that her bedroom windows are locked every night and have 24 people listed in her school emergency contacts and used to cut up her food till she was 7 and-)

so abouT THE BABY BOY (Phoenix), 1. his middle name is leonidas bc im gay and i love emotional turmoil babes , 2. fully unironically the idea behind such a late pregnancy is abbey would be mid fourties when hes born right. so like. [has two kids] ‘ok birth control time’ [when theyre teens many years later] ‘ok im old enough to stop taking this’ [the hyperfertility curse that plagues many women rears its ugly head with one last hoo-rah]

and finALLY a very quick elevator pitch of what id write an actual fic to focus on;;; kendall sneaks into the attic to look for old shit bc they BOTH know their parents have been hiding stuff over the years, she finds things like a cryptopedia (now offline), the claw, maybe even a piece of the kur stone, and ropes parker into the long haul of figuring out what all this stuff is. and ofc the second they ever find the naga relic and parker comes face to face with it, [rest in rip] time for mom and dad to find out and all this kur shit to start ALL over again-

[axelsagewrites]

Magnus Bane*Visions

Requested by anonymous:

im kinda having obsession toward magnus bane after watching the movie (godfrey gao's Magnus is love) and reading the series, so i would like to request a fic pls. where reader is a mundane with extra ability in which when u sleep sometimes u saw the future n one day u dreamed of magnus. in d distant future he will become ur boyfriend. so when u met magnus much earlier than expected, u understandably nervous. u also worry when realized he seeing another woman, camille. angst then fluff pls. Tks.

I decided to split it into two parts. I hope you like it and it may slightly differ from the request but its mostly the same idea.

Part 2 Part 3

Main Masterlist HERE

Shadowhunter Maserlist HERE

Wattpad HERE

Ever since I was younger I had these dreams, these visions. It’s like I could…see the future. I know it sounds crazy but it’s true, I swear! The first one I remember is I dreamed I would get a history test next week. Next week rolled around and guess who was ready for the surprise test? Oh, me! I don’t tell anyone about it because who would believe me? Besides some of the things don’t happen till a lot later than the dreams. I once dreamed that my brother would break his arm. I was always on the lookout for him. Once id somehow convinced myself he would be fine a couple months later he broke it! It was about a year since I had that dream but it still happened. It's not every night I dream like that. I kind of know though if it’s a dream or a vision.

Recently I've started writing down what they are, just so I can prove its true. I would type them up on my laptop so the date could be added. I'm just waiting for a few more things to happen so they cant say it’s a coincidence. Last night I had this dream, this vision. Normally they're about other people but this was about me.

I was lying in some fancy bed in large room. The walls were white and the sheets and pillows were canary yellow with black accents. The room had a sparkly sheen all over it somehow. Looking around everything seemed to be a little sparkly. I was in this large bed alone through the space next to me felt warm. I sat up and scratched my head looking around. I felt tire even though I was asleep. When this happens its like I’m there but can't control my actions. I looked at the door when it opened revealing an Asian man with black hair with blue tips. He had on sweat pants and seemed to be the source of the glitter. He came over to the bed holding a tray with food. “Morning darling.” He whispered, sitting the tray on my lap. “Happy three year anniversary.” “Morning.” I smiled. I didn’t have control of what I said. It was like watching through a screen. “Did you sleep well?” The man climbed under the covers and wrapped an arm around my waist. “I always sleep well when I’m with you.” “You truly are a hopeless romantic.” “Only for you.” He smiled. “Knowing you has been the best three years if my life, babe.” Why all the pet names? I need to know his name so I can find him! “Ever since I met you I couldn’t keep my eyes away.” The vision started to fade. I was waking up. “I love you (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” “I love you too, Ma-“  

I woke up. Damn it! I thought. I didn’t even get his name. I groaned but got up regardless for school. Before I left I quickly typed up what the vision was and left. The whole day I was thinking about it. I was distracted all day. The visions weren't normally about me. It was never about love in any way.

“Hey! Earth to (Y/N).” Simon, my best friend, waved his hand in front of my face. “What?” I looked up and noticed my other best friend, Clary, sitting across from us. “Oh hey! How’d the meeting go?” “Good. I got in.” she squealed. “I knew you would!” Of course, I knew. I was the one who told her to apply for a reason. “Are you ok though? You’ve been weird all day.” They both looked concerned. In truth, I was being weird. I shouldn’t think about it as much. Some things might not happen for years. “Yeah, um, just thinking.” They gave me a look as to say go on. “You know. About college and stuff.” They nodded. “Same,” Simon said. I felt bad for lying but its not like they’d understand. “Come on, let's not think about that. It's Clare Bears birthday we should be thinking of!”

I didn’t go to the club that night. I told them I had a headache when actually I was sleeping. I wanted more of this damned vision! The next day I woke to Si blowing up my phone asking if I knew where Clary was. I told him I wasn’t sure and I was going for a shower. I put my music on and jumped in. I went to change the song but I dropped my phone in the shower. “Crap!” I quickly got out the water and started to dry the phone. Why wasn't it turning the hell on? I've only dropped it in water once. Or twice. Ok, maybe more than that but still! I sighed and got dressed. Once I was ready I took it to the shop. They said it would take a couple days and they would phone the house when it was ready. Reluctantly I gave them the phone and money and went home.

The next few days I couldn’t message either of my friends. Clary had disappeared off the face of the earth and according to Simons mom, he was staying with a friend. I swear if the ran away together I’ll kill them! It was two days later I got my phone. It had a few messages on it but not many. One from Simon, however, concerned me. ‘Hey! I know I’ve been mia for a few days but I need you. Somethings not right.’ That was this morning. ‘what is it?’ I shot back. I started to put my shoes on. ‘meet me at the park and I’ll explain’. I grabbed my coat and left my house. ‘Be there in 5’. It was only a two minute run from my house to the park. I knew where he’d be anyway. I started heading to the old swing set that no one really used anymore. There were only two seats on it so when all three of us went there one of us was always on the ground. It was normally Simon. I saw him as I jogged over. “What’s up, Si? Is it Clary? Did you find her?” I hadn't been able to contact them so I was worried. “Yeah, it um complicated.” He couldn’t meet my eyes. “I've got time,” Simon explained what happened. He told me about the shadow world and how he thinks he was turning into a vampire. We sat in silence. What was I supposed to say? I believed him but still. “Just don’t go turning into Edward Cullin.” I tried to joke. “It's not funny.” “Sorry,” I sighed. “I believe you Si. I do but I just don’t know. Can’t, you ask Clary? She’s a shadowhunter after all.” “No. She’s too busy chasing some blonde guy.” “It gets better Si. You’ll get over her.” “You don’t know that.” I sighed. Truth is I did know that. I had a vision once, it was Simons wedding. I don’t know who he was marrying since it was me and Clary trying to calm his nerves. Clary was maid of honour, not the bride. Would I be able to tell him? I took a deep breath. “The thing is I do know that.” He raised an eyebrow. “I've been having these…visions. It's like a glance into the future. I knew Clary would get into art school. I knew my brother would break his arm. And once I saw you getting ready for a wedding. Your wedding. And Clary was a bridesmaid. Not the bride.” “Who was the bride?” “Don’t know. I didn’t see them. So you don’t think I'm crazy?” “At this point anything is possible.”

We came up with a plan. He was going to go ask the vampire, Raphael, what was happening to him. We figured he’d be the most likely to know. Si told me to wait at a small 24-hour café around the corner so the vamps wouldn’t get me. It took a bit of convincing but I did. I did tell him though to phone me while he went so I knew what happened to him. He did so while he went to the vampires I was listening in. It happened so fast and I couldn’t see him. I heard someone threaten him, Camille I think? I got up and ran to the hotel. Before I could even yell his name someone had a hand over my mouth. Thinking quickly I elbowed them in the gut. Sensing it was a male I also kicked my foot back to his area. He grunted and let go. I turned around frantically and got into a fighting position. I knew I wouldn’t win but I had to try. “There is no need for that.” The man said in a Spanish accent. “I just can't let Camille turn another mundane.” “Another mundane? Oh god, tell me it wasn’t Simon?” “You know then?” I nodded. “Very well. I was about to take him to the shadowhunters. I suppose you could come.” “Thank you…” “Raphael.” He told me to wait there and not to make contact with anyone under any circumstances.

He came back holding Si’s body. “Oh God.” I put my hand over my mouth. “Don’t use the Lord's name in vain.” Was the only thing Raphael said apart from. “Keep up.” He began running and I blinked at how fast he moved before following. I could tell he was holding his speed back. We got to some strange church. “How will they know we're here?” “Just wait.” He sighed.

Clary was surprised to see me but was to focused on Simon to say anything. Alec tried to say I couldn’t come in but I basically just said a few choice words to him and he shut up, muttering ‘stupid mundane’ under his breath. That night Simon was turned into a vampire. The whole night was weird. It was weird because I had had visions of Jace, Alec and Izzy before. I didn’t know what they were but I felt like I knew them. I kept my mouth shut though. The next week was a blur.

That night I didn’t go home because Izzy said the vampires knew me so it wasn’t safe. I spent a week in the institute not being able to do anything. Clary was too busy to talk to me and Simon was trying to adjust. I had enough of it. I got up and grabbed the few things I had. My parents thought I was crashing with Clary and thought it was the time I got home. I agreed so I headed to the door. No one paid me much attention. It's not like they wanted me here but as I was about to leave someone stopped me. “Where do you think you’re going?” I turned to see Alec with his arms over his chest. “Home.” I turned around and started to walk but he grabbed my arm. “You cant go home. I may not like you mundanes but I'm obligated to protect you.” “You are nothing like I thought you’d be like,” I muttered under my breath. In the visions, he wasn’t a brat but here we are. “And what did you think I’d be like?” damn it! He heard me. I forgot he had that hearing rune. “Um, nothing. I didn’t say anything.” I went to pull my arm back but he was stronger. “What did you know about me before you came here? It's not like the vampire would tell you I was nice.” “Its nothing Alec.” I had to get away. I had had visions of the clave since I’d been here so maybe that could help? “I think the clave envoy was looking for you.” I quickly pulled my arm away and he didn’t stop me. I quickly walked to the door but he called out to me. “The clave envoy won't be here for two days. We got the message an hour ago so how would you know?” I froze. Slowly I turned around and looked at him but it wasn’t just him. Jace, Izzy and Clary were next to him. “Yeah, and how did you know our names when we first met?” Jace asked. “Simon?” It came out as more of a question. “How do you know what happens before it does?” Clary asked. “Simon said something about it. That you told him you had these dreams.” “He told you?” I was shocked. “Of course he did!” she said angrily. “That’s what friends do! I was waiting on you telling me-“ I cut her off. “It's my fault?! You haven't spoken to me in a week. You are always too busy. How am I meant to tell you I have visions of the future if you can’t even tell me what you’re doing?” I was so angry I forgot about the others. “Visions? What visions?” Alec asked. “Are you some sort of downworlder?” “How the hell should I know?!” I had enough of it. “Isn't it your job to find out? To help mundanes like me?” They were silent. Alec pulled Jace and Izzy aside and started talking to them while Clary walked over to me. “I'm sorry. I forgot about you.” “It's fine.” I sighed and rubbed my forehead. “Its just..its just annoying, you know? To not know what you are.” “Trust me, I get it.” “We’re taking you to Magnus Bane. He might know what you are.” Jace said when he Alec and Izzy joined us. “Who?”

Part 2   Part 3

[bhaalxbabe]

for the questions! alaina: 5, 18, 35, 61, 89; stefan: 22, 50, 60, 73, 93; kal: 14, 25, 40, 56, 77; etienne: 19, 43, 53, 86, 90; vanessa: 6, 28, 53, 82, 96

ALAINA

5 - Who is the first person in your contacts?

It would honestly prob be Asiel ?? Because Alaina would have absolutely no concept of last names and it would be in alphabetical order so it would be “Asiel *insert heart emojis and shit*”

18 - If you were given a chance, would you like to have a different life?

Definitely no !! I feel like the only reason she would have wanted another life so she could be happy and with her birth parents, but once Alaina gets married to Stefan and has her kids she’s super happy and content with her life. It’s like all the suffering she had done had all led her up to the point where she would finally be happy in her life. And she would never leave her current life and end up in a life where Stefan and her kids didn’t exist. 

35 - How’s your heart?

Her heart is so strong !!! And so kind !! And so loving !! And bless her tbh :’)

61 - What hair color do you prefer?

I think Alaina would love her natural dark brown hair but she also loves being blonde !! I think an appropriate Alaina response to this would be “I love all hair colors!” 

89 - Who’s the person who first comes to your mind when someone mentions “love”?

There’s like ten people, don’t do this to her. Honestly though, I think the first thing to come to mind would be romantic love so of course Stefan. And then simultaneously tho, like maybe a milisecond later it would be family/friend love and then comes like Brose, Asiel, her kids, the mafia famiglia, etc. 

STEFAN

22 - Who is your bestfriend?

OF COURSE IT’S ERASMUS !! WHO ELSE !! And no Alaina doesn’t count bc she’s his wife. But also I would consider her one of his best friends because he can truly be himself around her. I mean he can with Erasmus of course !! But I guess not to the affectionate extent he can with Alaina ?? And then I think I can see him get pretty close with Ruben, Eliane, and even Ferran !! 

50 - Do you regret your past?

No, the same thing with Alaina, he would feel like he wouldn’t be where he was today if he didn’t have the current life and had lived his current past. 

60 - Did you slap anyone whose name starts with an “R”?

STEFAN SINCLAIR DOESN’T SLAP PEOPLE ?? THAT IS SO BENEATH HIM. If he did though it would probably be like Ruben or smthing lmao 

73 - Have you ever sacrificed something important to you for someone you love?

Honestly, I think Stefan pretty much sacrifices his dignity and his long held “evil mafia boss” persona for his family ?? Like once he and Alaina get together everyone can tell Stefan becomes nicer and less moody and he starts to really understand people more and starts to have a bit more empathy ?? It was big character development for Stefan to push his pride aside and admit he loved Alaina and that pretty much changed him as a person. And then when his kids come along he does other stuff that he never would have done before like pretending to be a prince and drinking fake tea with baby Odi, driving his limo through a drive-thru so Emil and Michele can get their fast food, helping Rosaire pick out a tux for homecoming, and kissing Hermine and telling her how proud he is of her in front of other people at her dance class. Like he just becomes more ?? Idk, kinder pretty much, and more open with his affection and he’s willing to put aside his snobby and selfish personality aside for his family. 

93 - Do you believe in destiny?

STEFAN’S NOT CESAIRE !! LMAO !! He definitely doesn’t believe in destiny and just thinks that if you want something you can definitely achieve it through hard work and that things happen bc well, they just happen, and if you want it to change then you can change it. 

KAL

14 - What do you want to be in the future?

Kal doesn’t care about his future or where he’s going. I think that’s one thing that’s just super interesting about him is that he has no concern for like ?? his wellbeing ?? like he doesn’t concern himself with having money, being safe, or finding stability. he pretty much acts purely on instincts and current desires and he always follows through. He says he’s gonna try to kill the Demonio Famiglia ?? Then you bet your ass he’s gonna try to kill the Demonio Famiglia. 

25 - Who do you spend crazy moments with?

Definitely with everyone in the Divina Commedia !! And honestly every moment with Kal is a crazy moment. For gods sake he stabbed Eliane and then proceeded to flirt with her. Like what ?? Being near Kal is like playing Russian Roulette, like maybe it’ll be a normal encounter, or maybe you’ll walk away with no eye ?? Who knows ?? 

40 - Did you try to change for a person?

NO LMAO !! Even with Eliane in his life he’s p much no different ?? Because he “loves” her but it’s honestly as close to love as your gonna get with Kal which is p much a weird “ur the exception” obsession and you bet ur ass if Eliane tried to leave he’d make it so she couldn’t. And even though he does what Eliane wants for the most part he’s still himself. Like that whole scenario when Eliane tells Kal she wants a normal life and kids, he tells her they can try to have it ofc, but he’s not gonna stop killing and he can’t guarantee he’d truly love their children. Like he’d fake it ofc and never let his kids know he’s a murdering sociopath, but he could never truly change himself. 

56 - Did you fall for someone you shouldn’t?

There’s not should or shouldn’t with Kal. It’s just “do”. He has absolutely no sense of morals. 

77 - What kind of person are you?

A MURDERING SOCIOPATH !! Kal literally has no sense of morals and does what he pleases. Long story short, he lives a hedonistic lifestyle where the only thing he cares about is fulfilling his own desires.

ETIENNE

19 - What was the best thing you were given?

A name !! He was known as “the orphan boy” at the brothel, either that or other names like “rat”. So when (im blanking on her name rn !!! and charahub is down !!!) so when his “mom” gave him a name it was honestly one of the rare moments in his life that he actually cherished. 

43 - Are you in a good or bad mood?

Unless Etienne has whatever he currently wants at the time he’s ALWAYS in a bad mood !!! He’s always sad and cynical, he just doesn’t show it. 

53 - Do you have a grudge against anyone?

Mafia famiglias in general. It’s because of them that he lost his mother and had a terrible childhood and he will never forgive them. Which is why he spends his entire life built on revenge and trying to destroy all mafia families. 

86 - Have you ever had an argument with someone?

I feel like since Etienne is super fake he would never truly have an argument ?? He would just go along with whatever ___ was saying and then p much disregard them. And no one in Les Sirenes Noires would ever say a word against him. 

90 - Do you think all the pain is worth it?

Only if the pain is against the people he hates LOL !! His mother didn’t deserve the pain she went through, she didn’t deserve her death, and neither did he deserve all that emotional and physical pain that he suffered through when he was little. 

VANESSA

6 - What is your favorite song as of the moment?

Want Your Love and Nightlife by Sickick !! she’s definitely into all the current music and loves whatever is on the radio. She especially loves r&b and pop !

28 - What kind of music do you listen to?

OH LOL !! Like I said she loves r&b and pop ! She also loves hip hop, pretty much any song that you can dance to at a club. That’s her style! 

53 - Do you have a grudge against anyone?

Vanessa doesn’t have the energy to waste it on people that don’t matter !! So she definitely doesn’t hold grudges bc that’s so tiring ?? And anyone that irks her gets their ass whipped anyways. 

82 - Who is the 6th person in your contacts?

Ferran !! I could definitely see her get along super well with Ferran and they would take super aethetic instagram posts at organic restaurants and people would think they were like some beautiful couple or smthing but unforetunately she’s with Asiel. 

96 - Do you believe that first true love never dies?

Vanessa isn’t the kind of person to believe in “true” love, she believe that you can make deep connections with anyone in life and if it’s meant to be it’ll stay and if not it’ll go.

[dhp-o2h]

92 Statements Tag

tagged by @academniac​ and originally it seemed like way too long of a task but these are the crazy things you do at 5am

LAST:

1. Drink: last saturday, preceded by 3 others. make me a drink, bartender i declared. less alcohol than last time. ooh this is good, what is it? pure alcohol? yes, that’s exactly what i wanted

2. Phone call: who do you think i am!?

3. Text message: thx -- sister, thanking me for bestowing greatness upon her life

4. Song you listened to: 22 -- taylor swift, the only tswift song i have ever actually related to even though tswift is life

5. Time you cried: last wednesday, i was hungry. but like really, really hungry.

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: hell no, i love all my exes but like get out of my life forever

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: yes but in my defense he kissed me first. what am i even defending

8. Been cheated on: not unless they did it really really sneakily in which case sorry but i still broke up with you anyways

9. Lost someone special: yes

10. Been depressed: yes

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: have you seen me lol

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. red like the blood of my enemies

13. that light teal thing

14. brown

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: i make new friends all the time i just don’t care to keep them lol

16. Fallen out of love: nice try but you’ll never catch me in love

17. Laughed until you cried: all the friggin time since i moved in with S, usually over nothing, often over my own jokes

18. Found out someone was talking about you: who isn’t honestly

19. Met someone who changed you: ew no

20. Found out who your friends are: i have always known who my friends are, they are these nice people in the very back of my brain who i never talk to and only trot out once a month

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: sadly yes so now we can’t be friends anymore

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all except the few tumblr friends who crossed the threshold and now we know each others real names and can use that information any time

23. Do you have any pets: brownie, a horse, and moe, a beastie (also a horse)

24. Do you want to change your name: no, i don’t really like my name but it would look damn good on a book cover

25. What did you do for your last birthday? pony ride!

26. What time did you wake up: it’s 6:02 am right now so let’s not talk about it

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: zzz like a good muffin

28. Name something you can’t wait for: my paper to magically finish itself without any further input from me, our children can achieve great things when we keep our expectations high

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: mid summer in belgium, hi mom!

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: to be able to eat real food without it turning me into a zombie

31. What are you listening to right now: the horse who lives underneath me getting restless about breakfast

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: these questions get so deep and then there’s this one, who wrote this and why are they obsessed with tom

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: the semester starts this week and there’s too many people on campus ruining everything, they need to go home

34. Most visited websites: tumblr, reddit, gmail

35. Mole/s: quite a few, they add character which i am always in need of

36. Mark/s: birthmark on foot that looks like a flip flop tan line, always fun to show that off at parties

37. Childhood dream: write stories ! someday ! live your dream !

38. Hair color: brown which gets called for blonde by people who like to annoy me

39. Long or short hair: long enough to strangle your enemies

40. Do you have a crush on someone: yah but it will go away soon, don’t worry

41. What do you like about yourself: i am funniest person i know and no one gets my sense of humor like i do

42. Piercings: never, i saw the parent trap as a small child

43. Blood type: once i asked this while having blood drawn and the nurse looked at me like oh you poor innocent thing so not only do i still not know my blood type, but now i am super confused about it

44. Nickname: J

45. Relationship status: unavailable but single

46. Zodiac: aries

47. Pronouns: She/her.

48. Favorite TV Show: PRISON BREAK

49. Tattoos: i can’t choose a daily outfit much less a tattoo

50. Right or left hand: right but sometimes i take notes with my left because my right gets too fast and loose but my left is a trustworthy and dependable strong woman

51. Surgery: not that i know of

52. Hair dyed in different color: my hair doesn’t cooperate with me like that

53. Sport: have you not been paying attention

54. Favorite accessory: to crime

55. Vacation: dramatic mountainy views, cozy cabin

56. Pair of trainers: wtf

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: paleo crap ugh. kids, don’t let your friends do paleo

58. Drinking: water like the blood of my enemies

59. I’m about to: go back to sleep and shut out the world and this too way personal and introspective questionnaire

61. Waiting for: the sun to come up (it’s been night time forever and i’m over it)

62. Want:  dead or alive

63. Get married: maybe one day for a lark, like after one of those nights that ends with you sitting on a beach sharing secrets and you’ve lost your shoes. but then it’s annulled just as fast and you wonder at yourself sometimes.

64. Career: saving the environment

WHICH IS BETTER:

65. Hugs or kisses: kisses but i've been known to give a good hug

66. Lips or eyes: eyes, love a smoulder

67. Shorter or taller: taller

68. Older or younger: older

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: absss (of which i have 4, ask anyone)

71. Sensitive or loud: in my experience these are the same, i prefer strong and quiet

72. Hook up or relationship: hook up, relationships are for teens and adults and i am way too grown up for that

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker, the more trouble the better

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: frequently, it’s hilarious

75. Drank hard liquor: yesss

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: im no scrub

77. Turned someone down: all the time, but i never get any better at it

78. Had sex on the first date: not yet

79. Broken someone’s heart: multiple but i think they lived

80. Had your heart broken: never gonna happen

81. Been arrested: i am a law of my own

82. Cried when someone died: of course

83. Fallen for a friend: i only fall for friends

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: yes, with realistic expectations

85. Miracles: i love shouting IT‘S A MIRACLE at things that obviously aren’t miracles

86. Love at first sight:  no but you can get a certain feeling about someone without knowing them yet, like yeah they’ve got it, they’re OG, dey aight

87. Santa Claus: don’t bite the presents that feed you

88. Kiss on the first date: kiss on first date is awkward, kiss before first date is best

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: SKYSICLE

91. Eye color: brown like the blood of my enemies

92. Favorite movie: austenland when those first notes drop!!!

tagging @intlstudier, @orionstudy, @studying-succulents, @donutdesk, @pens-paper-and-inspiration, @daiseestudies, @caffeinatedcraziness, @catharticstudying, @everydaygreenday, @lost-in-books94