#anyways third essay of the week lets go

[anaconda-creates]

scary monster under my bed (essay i haven't started)(due tonight) maybe if i snuggle very cozy under the covers it wont see me and i'll be safe

[monalisahyperdrive]

Primarchs and Christmas Classics - christmas songs and festive primarch/legion headcanons.

The final week of the winter semester has run me over so I'm blasting Christmas music to cope & inspire fuzzy warm feelings. This is once again entirely subjective and largely based on my (British, somewhat Catholic) own Christmas experiences. All good fun while I avoid working on these essays. I struggled with some of these so they might be a little off. ⇒ divider by @/cafekitsune

Alpharius & Omegon / Alpha Legion

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - The Jackson 5. The most confusing Christmas possible. Don't worry, Alpharius will be home for Christmas! Several dozen of him. You get the distinct feeling that the Alpharius who sat and laughed while playing charades earlier (you lost, badly) is actually not any of the Alphariuses sat at the table for Christmas dinner... but you just can't prove it. Is Omegon there? Of course he is. Which one is he? Good question.

Angron / World Eaters

Lonely This Christmas - Mud. Attempts a quiet peaceful Christmas, fails miserably every year. His sons love him very much, in their own way. He just sort of disappears into his home over the festive period. They come find him anyway. Small groups, well spaced out. They send one or two marines with gifts from a dozen or so every few hours. They don't get invited in, he greets them at the door, often gritting his teeth from the pain. He gets his rest, but he'll never be truly lonely on Christmas. Not anymore.

Corvus Corax / Raven Guard

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - The Jackson 5. The Raven Guard just sort of... show up to Christmas. Was there even a knock at the door? Well, they're here now. You think. You were sure you just saw Corvus but you've lost him again. The whole thing is a relatively private affair, no real coming and going... as far as you can tell. The Raven Guard present seem to dissipate some time between late afternoon on Christmas Day and the morning of Boxing day. The presents are all freakishly accurate to what was wished for. Don't worry about it.

Ferrus Manus / Iron Hands

Christmas Time (Don't Let the Bells End) - The Darkness. (subject to change) Christmas with Ferrus and the Iron Hands is a rather rudimentary affair. 'For morale', they say. Admittance of actual celebration would be an admittance of weakness. Christmas dinner is served in a mess hall, and largely differentiates itself from the typical nutrient paste with... something that might be mashed potato and the slice of what seems to be the idea of turkey... if turkey was suspiciously nutrient dense and stiff. Presents are largely ignored, as are any decorations beyond the occasional string of lights. Time off is necessary in order to maintain efficiency. They're watching Die Hard for morale. Ferrus is watching along with them... for morale. Shut up.

Fulgrim / Emperor's Children

All I Want for Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey. Of course it's Mariah. The only way it wouldn't be Mariah is if it was Jingle Bell Rock, Mean Girls style. Yes, with the outfit. The Christmas decorations have gone up early and it all matches, right down to the last detail. Think those gorgeous monochrome Christmas trees you see on Pinterest. The table all set for Christmas dinner is both the most meticulously and yet effortlessly breathtaking you've ever seen. If anyone's got festive charger plates, it's the Third. There's singing, there's dancing. There's an elaborate charcuterie board for snacking on on Christmas Eve. Good luck going five minutes without your wine/champagne/juice glass refilling while you're not looking. Matching outfits for the Christmas cards but in an incredible chic way. Probably the classic matching pyjamas approach. Perfection is a must, and Christmas is no excuse.

Horus Lupercal / Luna Wolves & Sons of Horus

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! - Dean Martin. Cue shit eating grin, singing along, grabbing Lady Lupercal and- oh is that mistletoe up there? He hadn't even noticed. Well since you're already there... might as well? 30k Luna Wolves Horus is leaning full tilt into the Hallmark movie Christmases. The Mournival are even here for Christmas dinner and look they brought presents - isn't that cute? Post Heresy Horus (copium) is still just as meticulous with Christmas but it's a little more... off the rails. Everything is perfect, come sit down for Christmas dinner! Don't worry, he'll do the talking. All of it.

Jaghatai Khan / White Scars

Driving Home for Christmas - Chris Rea. One of the biggest and warmest Christmases, up there with the Salamanders and the Space Wolves. Everyone - and I mean absolutely everyone - is home for Christmas. Don't know anyone's names? Doesn't matter. The driveway is absolutely packed. They're parked out front all down the street, too. The living room barely fits everybody. There's not even nearly enough space for everyone to sit. It's cozy.

Konrad Curze / Night Lords

Wonderful Christmastime - Paul McCartney. Vague lyrics, nonspecific, bang on. It sure is a wonderful Christmastime, just... not what you might be thinking of. Merry Christmas from Nostramo. Please don't call. Sevatar is there. Christmas dinner is... meat, for sure. The fact there's so many Night Lords in the same place not snapping at eachother like a pack of unruly dogs is actually pretty impressive. Don't ask what the wrapping paper is made of. The first rule of Night Lord Christmas...

Leman Russ / Space Wolves

Merry Xmas Everybody - Slade. Primarily inspired by my drunken male relatives stopping everything to sing along and start dancing around the living room. Of course a Space Wolves Christmas would be boozy, it's a celebration isn't it? Feasting and drinking and laughing is the name of the game. All the presents are surprisingly thoughtful. Leman awkwardly hovers in the back while some of the presents are opened and suspiciously vanishes off into the next room with some of the wrapping paper and reemerges with presents wrapped in what he'd scavenged. After that is totally the type to sit by the youngest on the couch and be overly eager to offer his knife for them to use to get into their presents easier. Asleep the second he gets back to the couch post Christmas dinner.

Lion El'Jonson / Dark Angels

Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) - Darlene Love. A man who frankly needs to sit down over the holidays but physically cannot do it. Christmas? Stupid meaningless holiday. You're staying over though right? People are coming for dinner though right? No he's not going to decorate the tree. He's going to stare at you doing it though, and then he'll complain when he has to get up to help you place the star on the top. Acts entirely unbothered by Dark Angels showing up. Would be pacing and staring out the window all day if they didn't.

Lorgar Aurelian / Word Bearers

Mary's Boy Child / Oh My Lord - Boney M. Yeah, you're going to church for the Christmas service. But so is everyone else! And I mean, everyone else. Midnight Mass, Carol service, the whole shebang. Lorgar, however, is absolutely overjoyed! He has several Nativity sets he brings out every year. There's an angel for the top of the tree. He delights in listening to the carollers that come to the door. Has the whole family over for the holiday. Yes, including Kor Phaeron. There's no avoiding it. Picks out a new special ornament each year. Decorating the tree is a family activity that takes hours due to all the reminiscing over all the different ornaments that have been collected over the years and the story that has to be retold after they get carefully unwrapped before they can be hung on the tree. It's sweet, it just takes a while to get done.

Magnus (the Red) / Thousand Sons

I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday - Wizzard. Ah, the bane of my existence at school around Christmastime growing up. The Christmas quiz. If you don't think the Thousand Sons are having the MOST intense Christmas Quiz fighting tooth and nail (intellectually) for those points every year, you may be kidding yourself. Everyone knows exactly who won the year before. And the year before. And the year before that. Need I go on? Magnus himself writes and reads the questions, and it's Magnus who decides whether an answer gets a point or not. Christmas boardgames include Trivial Pursuit, Scrabble, and so on. Scrabble gets heated. The dictionary gets brought out. And a second if the first isn't convincing enough. Every year it's declared to be banned from Christmas. Every year it gets brought out again.

Mortarion / Death Guard

Do They Know It's Christmas? - Band Aid Before Nurgle there is no way in hell Mortarion celebrated. After being taken under Grandfather's metaphorical wing? Oh absolutely. There is nothing Nurgle would delight in more than getting the whole family together. Eat, drink, and be merry! Don't... don't worry about the food, sweetness. Even Typhus has come for dinner, isn't that sweet? Poor tired Mortarion. Best keep him looked after. Not to worry, Grandfather has it all under control!

Perturabo / Iron Warriors

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas - Perry Como, The Fontane Sisters. It's a stupid holiday. What? Of course he's celebrating this year, are you mad? Didn't seem excited for the festive season? Oh he'll show you excited. The lawn, the house, everything is absolutely plastered in decorations. Is this enough Christmas lights? No. No it's not. Hang them on that tree, too. Absolutely has the light up sleigh and reindeer on the roof with the Santa decoration climbing the chimney. Absolute chefzilla in the kitchen cooking Christmas dinner. Best turkey you've ever eaten. Don't worry about the way he'd been fiddling with the oven for the last couple days. In fact, don't even step into the kitchen. He's going to feed his stupid sons who he hates. Spends the rest of the day sat on the couch doing a jigsaw on the coffee table. Don't talk to him, just let him have this.

Roboute Guilliman / Ultramarines

Christmas Wrapping - The Waitresses. Respectfully, I don't think Guilliman - especially 40k Guilliman - would have the energy or time to be particularly festive. Any time off would be spent napping in an armchair in the corner dad style. Do NOT let this man take on any of the Christmas dinner cooking stress, but let him cut the turkey so he can still feel important and valued. He deserves a nice sit down in front of the tv and a glass of Baileys. His sons will handle the rest, and they'll do a damn good job of it, too! Seasons Greetings from Macragge, here is your festive email with an attached picture of Guilliman asleep on the couch in his sweater.

Rogal Dorn / Imperial Fists

Baby It's Cold Outside - Idina Menzel, Michael Bublé. No seriously, baby, it's cold outside, this is Inwit. Dorn's house is the safest possible place to spend Christmas anyway, fortified beyond belief. The Fists show up for Christmas. Sort of. Mostly they come and stand around awkwardly. The most active things get is when Jenga gets brought back out its box - winning is of course a point of pride. Gift favourites are of course, various iterations of building blocks.

Sanguinius / Blood Angels

A Spaceman Came Travelling - Chris de Burgh. Slightly more niche but the one that makes me think of Sanguinius the most. Christmas with the Blood Angels isn't the warmest fuzziest thing around. There's a difference between being revered and truly beloved and Sanguinius knows it like the back of his hand. It's comfortable, it's quiet. Dante is there. The Blood Angels all show up bearing presents on Christmas day. They fawn over him. He speaks to each and every one of them with a smile on his face. Eventually the knocks stop coming and the doorbell stops ringing, and he can collapse onto the couch and relax. He spends the season with his nearest and dearest. He takes a walk after Christmas dinner. He gives up Christmas day to being humble, and he lets himself be selfish on Boxing Day, with several glasses of... something red and some truly terrible Christmas movies.

Vulkan / Salamanders

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year - Andy Williams. And he damn well means it! Christmas with the Salamanders is incredible. Got nowhere to go for the holidays? Now you do. Decorating starts the second December does. The actual event starts bright and early Christmas Eve morning. Vulkan truly comes alive during the holiday - so many loved ones around! Christmas Eve is all movies and food and board games and jokes and stories by the fire. People even sleep over into Boxing Day. He greets each and every one of the people who'd attended personally, waving them off at the door with a big grin on his face. All his sons have Christmas sweaters that match his own. Expect some incredible Christmas cards in the mail with a whole host of posing Salamanders on the front. Oh well since you're all here already... you might as well stay for the New Year? Outstaying your welcome? Don't be silly.

[empress-simps]

Tulips & Moony

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Fem! Reader CW: Sirius and Remus' banter and language (around 700 words) Summary: Remus tries to crochet you a tulip. Note: Hi darlings! I hope you like this mini fic; I love to crochet so why not make a fic out of it, right? Also, my uni's third term is about to end so I'll have more time to finish my WIPs! Hope you enjoy!

Remus loves knitted things— he considers the “unfashionable” grandpa sweaters that Sirius always complains about to be his prized possessions, not forgetting to mention how he’s got every neutral and earthy tones of cardigans arranged neatly in his trunk.

Yes, Remus is an avid fan of those things, but he doesn't really express any interest in making them from scratch.

So, imagine Sirius' surprise walking in on Remus who’s red in the face as he fumbles with a ball of yarn.

“Now Moony, when did you suddenly become a grandma?” Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow at the poor bloke who’s struggling looping a yarn.

“Since he learned Y/n loves to crochet.” James quipped from his bed, eating a chocolate frog that he most likely stole from Remus’ stash who was too busy to notice.

“He’s been at it for a good hm… three hours or so?” Peter shrugs, working on his charms essay in the corner of the room and trying to block out the strings of curses Remus grumbles out every now and then.

“Can you all be quiet? I’m trying to concentrate, you sods.” The werewolf grumbled, furrowing his brows and sticking his tongue out the side of his mouth in concentration. The sight was quite amusing. James lets out a laugh, getting off his bed. “Alright then, I’m getting quite tired watching you fail miserably,” Remus grunted, “Yeah, go bother someone else.”

Sirius plopped next to Remus, looking closely at his creation. “That’s a nice square you got there, Moony.” He hummed, nodding in approval at the wonky shape.

“It’s a bloody circle, you git.”

Sirius didn’t even try to stifle his laugh, “What are you trying to make anyway?”

“A tulip.”

“Doesn’t look like one though.”

“Thanks Pads, really. You’re such a great friend.” Remus rolled his eyes, sarcasm dripping from his tone as he repeats a certain stitch a couple of times. “Geez Moony, that’s alright now.”

“No, it’s not, the stitch looks weird and much looser than the others,” Remus complained.

Sirius raised an eyebrow, “You call that a stitch? Doesn’t look like it.”

"Yeah, the next time you'll see Poppy is because of the stitches you're gonna get because of me-"

Safe to say they both were kicked out to the common room by a very annoyed Wormtail.

It took about a week full of wonky, weirdly shaped tulips, and sleepless nights for Remus to successfully make a single red tulip.

Remus gripped the wrapped tulip tightly, the familiar feeling of nervousness eating up his system seeing you with your friend hanging out in the corner of the common room. He was pulled out of his thoughts by James showing him lightly.

“Look, now’s your chance, Moony.”

Sure enough, your friend left you on one of the couches to go Godric knows where, Remus didn’t really care that much if he’s honest. He even silently thanked your friend as his feet lead him to where you’re sitting. “Oh, Remus!” You looked up to see his tall frame, standing quickly as you could and offering him a smile. “Hi.” He grinned nervously before stretching his arm out that’s holding the crocheted Tulip to you, albeit a bit awkwardly but you on the other hand, find it endearing. “Erm… Is it for me?” You asked, chuckling nervously. “Ah, yeah! I made it, I heard you like to crochet so…” He trails off, scratching the back of his neck as blush dusted his cheeks. He saw how your eyes lit up, and your smile widening as you gently took it from his hand. “Woah…” You let out a soft gasp, examining the flower carefully. “Since when did you learn how to crochet?” “Just last week,” “Just last week?! Remus, you are gifted. I couldn’t even make something remotely similar when I was a month in crocheting.” You told him, hugging it close to your cheeks. “Thank you, Remus.” You smiled shyly, going on your tippy toes to place a kiss on his cheek before waving shyly to him and heading off to girls’ dormitory, leaving Remus who was still trying to process what just happened.

“Another one? I’ve already told you leather is much better!” Sirius threw his hands up in the air, entering their room to see Remus smiling to himself as he wore the cardigan you crocheted for him. “I wouldn’t say that if I were you, Pads.” Peter looked up from his and James’ game of exploding snap. “Why? It’s not fashionable!” “It’s made by Y/N, you wanker. Now shut your mouth before I hex you out of this room.”

[lizlovell]

You're Losing Me

Draco Malfoy x Reader

Angst//part one

part 2

summary:You and Draco grew distant for the first time ever in your relationship of two years.You are getting tired being the only one trying to fix things.

As the third week of December drew closer, the sky became gloomier with cold embracing the Hogwarts and its library became busier with scrambling students stressed out for midterm before the winter break.But this december not only brought cold to your school,but also to your relationship with Draco Malfoy,unfortunately there is no amount of sweater u can wear to recover from it.

''We both are just probably busy with studies,everything will go back to normal once the exams are over''

You try to comfort yourself as you tag your freezing hand inside your coat,remembering how Draco used to always scold you for forgetting gloves.He would hold your cold hands nonetheless,and put them in his coat for extra warmth. You felt a pang in your chest when u find yourself thinking about the memories again. No matter how hard you tried to ignore,you can't shake off the feeling of the way his eyes turned icy whenever he looks at you now.

You haven't talked to Draco properly for a week now. It's either he is studying or you are busy with essays. And in meal time in Great Hall, his cold galres and sharp replies drained your energy to talk at all. But, you can't just let it happen, not when you have spent your past two years falling head over heels for the blonde boy.So,you tried your best to pretend like nothing is wrong,like the physically painful tension between you and him doesn't exist at all. And finally,the exam is over before it snaps.

''Dray..do you wanna go to Hogsmeade together before the Christmas break? ''

His eyes are tense.His brows are frowned noticably. The pale and long fingers are folded far away from yours.

''I don't rlly know. I might have to go home ealier this year''

Lies.

''we can at least spend tonight together right?we can go to astronomy tower and-''

Then it snapped.

''No,Y/N .I don't want to. The exam just finished. Let me live''

It is like an ice bucket has poured over your head. Numb, lost and cold.

''..why'',you sobbed out .

''There is no why.I'm just tired. and we do not have anything to talk anyway,do we? Y/N...we spend our days in same routine:what's still there to talk. stop playing pretend. we both know we need some break''.

You desperately searched for any signs of intimacy in his eyes,any signs, just anything at all,but the silver orbs are colder than ever. A gust of wind rushed through and messed up his blonde locks. You felt a chill run down your spine.

''a break?''

Suddenly,everything start making sense to you. How he had time to run around from parties to parties but not for you.How his laughs faded when you entered the group conversation. How he dropped your hand in the hallway. How he hasn't hold u for a month now. The exam wasn't a cause,it was a mere excuse all along. He was falling out of love.

''not as in break but you know what i mean...'', his tone is soft with guilt lingering around. A heavy sigh left him. He gets closer to you awkwardly. Can this even be called as a hug? Instead of the warmth it used to give, it feels suffocated and forced. You shivered.

"whatever you mean Draco''

You are getting tired being the only one putting effort. Staring at his messy hair and his stressful figure, you've decided you are going to let this go. All these memories you made in two years, all the ''I can't live without you'' talk. All the sneaking between classes,making love. Love? Was it even there.

You dropped his hand. You ignored the uncertain guilt in his eyes. You turned your heel and walked away.

Draco never meant for this sort of thing to happen between two of you. You were precious. The way your soft touch traced along his face to comfort him whenever something worried him. The way you squeezed his hands with a smile whenever he felt the disappointment in himself. You saw things other could not see in him. Your lips brought love and peace he didn't even know exist in him. He didn't realize how he should be grateful for the things until they are gone. Now everything is gone. He thought he might feel free and less responsible once he is away from you. He put all of his stress and the pressure from his family on you. Merlin,he feels the terrible guilt ride in him.

He spent the entire holiday forcing himself to believe he did a right thing and he should feel more satisfied now. He didn't. His days became more terrible. He started to notice how clean his dorm used to be when you were around. He started to find himself subconciously looking for your presence in his sleep. The alone time he thought he needed start to haunt him down.

He waited. He waited for you to come back to him like you always did whenever he pushed you away. But he grew more restless day by day whenever he see you in the hallways and classes unbothered and calm sitting NOT next to him. For once in his life,Draco Malfoy knew he fucked up. He has lost you.

. . . . . . .

part 2

[taesspark]

Cafe O Lay | Jungkook x Reader

summary: You’re a studious university student, Jungkook is a hot barista. Pretty straightforward, right? Nope, not when you spend all your time playing the Sims instead of studying, and Jungkook is the crush you're convinced will never like you back.

warnings: this is E for Everyone, sweet caramel frappucchino fluffy fluff, maybe a sprinkle of secondhand embarrassment, y/n has relationship anxiety

word count: 10k

They say the amount of effort you put into something directly determines how much you get out of it. At least that’s what your advisor tells you every month you visit him, begging for direction. But your advisor is beyond done with life, and you? You’re a college student. Worse, you’re a college student majoring in anthropology.

Justifying the student loans to your parents was bad enough. You were undeclared for your first two years, and after one (1) cultural anthro course that you chose for an easy A elective, you signed the paperwork. 

“That’s it. You’re an anthropology major!” Your advisor told you with a smile. 

It sounds alright. You like people. You like culture. It’s not as heavy on the reading as history or literature, and it’s not as heavy on the math as science and engineering (your parents were real bummed when you dropped Engineering 101 a week in). 

Maybe it was just the pressure to have everything decided by the end of your second year. Either way, you’re set. You’re not sure if you even like anthro anymore, to be honest, but you chalk that up to being in the spring semester of your third year of university.

You know you should be figuring out your life (you’re almost a senior!) or at least working on the 8 page paper for your Advanced Gender and Migration course that’s due in a week. Still, you feel no remorse as you sit in your favorite coffee shop, hunched over your laptop with your headphones in, like all the other diligent students in here, playing the Sims. 

All of your essays for that class are just rants about gender inequality anyways, and your professor passes you with flying colors. Fine, make it flying color, singular. It’s still passing. 

“One vanilla latte and one strawberry danish for Y/N!” 

Before you get up to grab your order, you close your laptop on instinct. It’s a short walk to the counter, but you take your time, allowing the others waiting for their orders to leave. You tell yourself it’s because you’re polite, and you don’t like to swarm the counter. 

Jungkook turns around and greets you at the counter with a smile that you return warmly. 

Yeah, it’s definitely because you’re polite. 

“What are you working on?” He asks. “You were really concentrating just now.” 

You were concentrating, but it was on adding a new wing to your Sim’s mansion. 

“Just an essay,” you say. 

“Sorry to take you out of the zone, but you can’t forget to eat, okay?” He hands you your danish and your coffee. He’s got this little smile on his face, and it makes you grin like a fool. 

“Okay.” You nod and take a bite out of the danish as proof that you’re listening, and it prompts a laugh from the barista. 

Jungkook leans over the counter a little further. “Hey, Y/N, I was thinking…” 

“Yeah?” 

“Well—”

“No one’s paying you to chat up the customers, Kook!” Hoseok wacks Jungkook in the head from behind as he fetches a new bottle of chocolate syrup. “Go get me the new box of toffee syrup from the back. You’re the only one who can lift those anyway.” 

Jungkook rolls his eyes, but another stern look from Hoseok has him straightening his posture and waving goodbye to you. When he makes his way into the back room to grab something or the other, you make a point to glare at Hoseok. 

“You didn’t have to scare him away, Hobi,” You complain. 

“More like you’re gonna scare him away,” Hoseok says, and your glare fades to resignation at the knowing look in his eyes. “We just hired the kid a month ago. At least let him earn enough to buy one of his textbooks.” 

“Who says I’m gonna scare him away?” 

“Your goat laugh does.” 

You take a sip from your drink. “You’re snappy today, Hoseok.” 

“Thank you for the observation,” he says, eyes on the drink he’s mixing. “If you really cared, you’d tip me more.” 

“You still owe me for that time you stole my donut holes.”

“That’s what you get for buying a bag of donut holes.” 

You scoff, but you know it’s all friendly banter. You wave him a farewell before taking your food back to your table. Hoseok sends a dazzling smile your way, and you can’t help but forgive him for the goat laugh comment. You and Hoseok have become good friends in the year or so that you’ve been coming to Cafe O’ Lay. 

It was the day you moved into your apartment in your second year. Even though you have two lovely roommates (Jin and Jieun always have your back), your apartment is a lot different from the dorms that you lived in during your first year of university. Cafe O’ Lay is just down the street from your apartment, and since then, it’s become your safe haven. 

You were there for hours on end during finals season, your highlighters shoved between multiple (emptied) mugs of coffee. You were also there when it wasn’t finals season, on those calm afternoons where it was calm enough for you to chat with the employees. 

You’re a regular. The employees at Cafe O’ Lay will even save you a strawberry danish on the days you usually visit. Some are even nice enough to let you use their employee discount once in a while (thanks, Hoseok). 

This semester has been a little...different though. It’s all the same, for the most part. You still visit the shop every other afternoon after your classes, you still sit at your table by the window, and you get your latte and danish (sometimes just tea to spare yourself the sugar). There are only two differences this semester. 

The first one is that you haven’t actually been doing any homework. You can’t even blame it on senioritis since you’re still a measly junior, but you might as well. At this point, you’re going to class every day with nothing in your bag but your laptop, your wallet, and a pen you found on the floor. 

You honestly don’t get it. How can you spend hours each week at Cafe O’ Lay that are supposed to be fully dedicated to getting your assignments done and somehow still come home with nearly all of it left to do? Where does the time go? 

You open your laptop, and the screen lights up with the Sims. 

That’s it. That’s what you’ve been doing instead. 

You’ve created a Sim version of yourself that you live vicariously through. No, it’s NOT sad or pathetic. No one can convince you that the Sims wasn’t created for this exact purpose. 

Your Sim is amazing. You named her Y/N so you wouldn’t get too carried away, but she’s got clothes worth more Simoleons than you make dollars in a month at your part-time job as a secretary in the science building on campus. Your Sim is a successful actress, which is what you wanted to be after you starred in your grade school’s showing of Annie. Too bad your talent for theater at age 8 didn’t carry over to age 21. 

Sim Y/N is everything good about you—she’s creative, funny, and outgoing—minus the emotional baggage and poor work ethic. 

Jin found out about your Sim fantasyland one fateful afternoon when Cafe O’ Lay was closed, and he never lets you live it down. He says it’s his duty as your best friend to balance his love for you with a healthy amount of mockery. 

It’s not your fault for getting lost in this alternate universe fantasy you created for yourself. Things are just better in the Sims. You call it coping and leave it at that. 

And that brings us to the second difference in your life since the semester began: Jeon Jungkook. He’s apparently a junior just like you, a fact you found out from Hoseok and Google before you worked up the courage to ask him yourself. It’s not that he’s intimidating—how could he be, with his shining eyes and chirpy “Welcome to Cafe O’ Lay”—but it still took you a solid week before you were able to say more than “Hi. One small caramel macchiato and a strawberry danish please.” 

You don’t have a crush on him, despite what your nosy roommates and Hoseok seem to think. You’re simply curious about him—that’s all. And who could blame you? Your eyes drift over to his form behind the counter, hauling boxes of syrup out of the backroom. He’s wearing his usual barista outfit: a stained apron over a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. 

“Yum,” you all but sigh. 

The girl sitting at the table next to yours looks up at you. Apparently it was louder than you thought. You hold your danish up and wave it at her. 

“I highly recommend these!” 

She lets her gaze linger for another painfully awkward moment before turning back to her laptop. 

It’s like your mind is a whiteboard, your thoughts are the scribbles on it, and Jeon Jungkook is the fateful eraser. The only thing that saves you is your Sim, who set her kitchen on fire while trying to cook eggs. You exhale before bringing the danish to your mouth. At least you and her have more in common than just a name.

“Hey, Y/N!” 

You look up from the Sims camping extension, instinctually slamming your laptop closed. 

“You don’t have to do that. I already know that you’re playing the Sims.” Hoseok scoffs at your guilty expression before setting down a steaming mug in front of you. 

You grin at him. “Oh? What’s this for?” 

“Bribery.” Hoseok shoves his hands in the pockets of his apron. “Come to the open mic tonight.” 

“Hmm.” You pretend to think about it, lifting the mug to take a sip. 

“C’mon, please? I know it’s not your scene, but if there’s only 3 people there, I’m going to cry.” 

“The 3 people being…?” 

“Me, Namjoon, and Yoongi,” he says, not without a grumble. 

“So your roommates? Who have no choice in the matter?” 

“You don’t have to rub it in.” 

You purse your lips. “I dunno. After what happened last time-” 

“We all agreed to never force you to sing in public again,” He says with a strained smile. 

“It was humiliating.” You stare into the tea Hoseok made you, trying and failing to suppress memories of Hoseok’s last open mic he hosted at Cafe O’ Lay. 

Your friends all pressured you to sing a song. Jin even announced to the crowd that you’d had plenty of practice singing in the shower. Unfortunately, your short-lived musical theater days were well behind you, and it’s now one of the most embarrassing moments of your life. You’re sure your voice cracked at least 5 times, even if your friends assured you that it was angelic. 

Your bad memories aside, it’s a nice event, where plenty of students gather to perform or speak. But hosting one now, mid-semester, when everyone’s starting to feel burned out? It’s either going to be a hit or an entire flop. 

“It wasn’t that bad,” Hoseok reassures you. 

“It was,” you deadpan. 

He only chuckles in response, scratching at the back of his head. “Look, Y/N, I am promising you right now that you can just sit back and have a fun time watching everyone else. It’s no big deal. I’ll even bring you that overpriced gelato that you love.” 

You look at him curiously, your interest piqued. “The lavender honey flavor?” 

“Yep.”

“I don’t know, Hoseok…” You trail off.  

“Jungkook will be there.” 

Your eyes widen above your mug, and Hoseok’s smile relaxes into something much more smug. He’s got you, and he knows it. 

Goddamnit. 

“What? Why would that matter?” You fix your eyes back on your tea. 

“Whatever, maybe it doesn’t,” He shrugs. “But he’ll be there. You know, if you wanna flirt with him sometime when he’s not working.” 

“Shut up,” you say, swatting at him. He only takes a step away from your flailing hand and laughs. 

You have priorities, you tell yourself. Essay to do, people to call, money to make, Sims to manage. Your priorities have always been a little fucked up though, and you’re never more sure of it after hearing the next words fly out of your mouth. 

“I’ll be there.” 

Hoseok cheers, earning both of you rude looks from other people studying in the cafe. “Great! Bring your friends!”

You don’t want to bring your friends. You really don’t. It’s not that you don’t adore them, but they have an intolerable urge to embarrass you in front of anyone and everyone.

“Y/N,” a sing-song voice calls from behind you. 

Seokjin is on your bed, face smooshed against your heart-shaped pillow. His dark hair is fanned out on it, and he frowns when you ignore him. You can see him flailing around through your mirror, but you still refuse to turn around. 

“No.” 

“I don’t like that color on you.” 

You frown at the orange jumpsuit you chose. “Who asked you?” 

“You did,” he says. “You came home and said, and I quote, ‘Jin, please help me choose something to wear in front of the hot barista. I’m a fashion disaster, and I could really use your keen eye and lovely personality.’”

“I did NOT say that.” You turn around and fall onto the bed next to him. 

“It’s okay, honey.” He pats your head like you’re a lost puppy. You hate how nice it feels. “I could see it in your eyes.” 

You both lay on your crumpled duvet in silence for a moment. The sun is setting outside your window, reminding you of the time. 

“Should I really change out of the orange?” You ask. 

“Duh.” Jin stretches out his hands and sits up like a zombie. “Hurry up though.” 

He runs a hand through his hair, dusts off his pastel pink hoodie, and checks himself out in the mirror before leaving. Unbelievable. 

“Are you not gonna change?” You call. 

“Nope.” He pops the “p” sound and grins at you. “I don’t need to. You, on the other hand.” 

You throw your heart-shaped pillow at him, but he closes the door before it can hit him. 

“Hoseok’s done it again.” 

You think it would sound more flattering if it wasn’t Hoseok talking about himself in third person. 

Something about the night has completely changed the cozy hole-in-the-wall cafe you’re used to seeing. The cafe is decked out in fairy lights that your friends ooh and ahh at in support. Hoseok beams at them, and you figure the least you could do is compliment is hard work. 

The lights glow and change colors with the ebb and flow of the crowd in the cafe.  There’s a decent turn out, and the sparkling lights and chilly air draw in more people to enjoy a cup of tea and live entertainment. It’s not like a club, where you feel smothered by the people packed against each other. People are sprawled around the cafe, mingling with each other and sipping drinks. 

“See, I told you that you’d like it,” Hoseok says. His grin is almost too smug. 

You roll your eyes. “It hasn’t even started, Hoseok.” 

“Yeah, yeah. The sign up sheet is in the front. Stay away from it, please.” 

He grins at you again before leaving you with Jin and Jieun at a nice table towards the back. You’re fine being in the back, and you’re fine staying away from the sign up sheet. You almost want to sing again, just to spite Hoseok. It says something about your friendship with Jin that he has the same thought. 

“Let’s do a duet, Y/N,” he urges you, leaning over your shoulder. “It’ll drive Hoseok insane.” 

He cackles right in your ear. 

“We can do that without publicly humiliating ourselves,” you say. 

“Where’s the fun in that?” Jin asks, bemused. 

“She can’t be fun tonight, Jin,” Jieun says from the other side of the table. “That barista she has a crush on is here, remember?” 

“Oh, right. Lame.” 

“I’m right here.” You try to appear angry at your friends’ insults, but you’re preoccupied looking for Jungkook. You spot his familiar head of dark hair near the front, talking to Hoseok. “And I don’t have a crush. It’s just casual intrigue.” 

“Ugh, I can’t watch this anymore.” Jin is gone before you can turn your head back to him. You figure he’s off to talk to some of his other friends who are around or maybe to run Hoseok up the wall. In ordinary Seokjin fashion, you expect him to circle back to your table once his social battery runs out. You give him an hour. 

With one friend gone, you turn to Jieun. 

“Which one is he, Y/N?” She stands on her tiptoes to see over the people that begin to gather around the stage area. “Which one’s Jungkook?” 

“You’re so loud.” 

“You’re so stubborn.” 

“Shut up, someone’s starting to speak.” 

Hoseok introduces the open mic, reminding everyone to sign up and perform. 

“Welcome, everyone! This is the first open mic of the year—yes, I know it’s April—and if tonight goes well, I hope we’ll be able to have more of these. There’s a sign up sheet going around if you want to perform. If you don’t, that’s okay too!” He lingers on you when he says that, and you resist the urge to hide. 

Hoseok pats the stool at the center of the stage. “If you need any help setting up, me and the boys are right here.” He gestures behind him at Jungkook and Taehyung, another barista who usually works mornings. “Let’s get this party started!” 

Everyone applauds and whoops, and you can’t help but join in on the fun. 

The first one to go is the lovely Park Jimin. You know him from your part time job as a secretary in the science library. Jimin’s actually in science, unlike yourself, and he has bailed you out of answering scientific questions from students many, many times. 

After Jimin sings a song that has the entire room swooning, someone else goes up to the mic and performs a slam poetry piece. You pointedly ignore Seokjin’s lecherous grin from the front, and you ignore Jungkook too. Jieun brings you coffee at some point, and the two of you enjoy the show. 

In between acts, she leans over to you, and you rest your head on her shoulder. Friendship is what really matters, right? 

“Y/N, hey,” she whispers. “What’s your plan of action?” 

You straighten immediately. “What do you mean?” 

“Well, sitting here and watching people sing is great and all. But you keep glancing over at Jungkook, and he keeps glancing here at you.” 

“You’re just imagining things. Besides, I’m not going to leave you here.” 

Jieun shifts in her seat beside you, and you can read the expression on her face like it’s the front page headline: Guilt. 

“Listen, Y/N, don’t look now, but there’s a girl near the plant over there—I said, DON’T LOOK—who’s been checking me out.” 

She’s right. The girl by the plant is cute, and considering the heart eyes she’s been sending Jieun, your friend’s going to get lucky. The guilty look, the girl by the plant, it’s all coming together. 

“This wasn’t even about Jungkook,” you hiss. “You just wanted to get rid of me so you could invite plant girl over here.” 

Jieun’s lowered eyes confirm your theory. “I see it as a win-win.” 

If you thought Jieun was going to be any more supportive than Jin, you were sorely mistaken. Whatever happened to girl power? Women empowering each other? What happened to feminism? 

When you voice your thoughts, she just laughs at you, a soft tinkling sound that’s 100% more melodic than your singing. “I’ll have you know I’m all for feminism, Y/N. I love women. In fact, I love women so much, I want to go over there and empower that girl over there.” 

“Empowering and gay sex aren’t synonymous.” 

“Says who?” And with that, she’s gone. So much for bringing friends. 

You sigh, turning your attention back to the performer. It’s a student who you don’t recognize, but she’s singing a song while strumming an acoustic guitar. Her voice cracks—just once—and you swear you almost get flashbacks to the last open mic. You shudder, downing the rest of your coffee. 

“Are you sitting alone?” Jungkook slides into the chair that Jieun left empty. He’s wearing a black hoodie over ripped jeans, and the minute he sits down, he begins absently drumming his fingers over his thighs. 

You shrug. “I wasn’t at first, but my friends abandoned me.” 

“Well, I’m here now,” he says. “I won’t abandon you.” 

Your cheeks heat up, and you silently thank Hoseok for investing in color-changing lighting. At least the blue lighting doesn’t make it as obvious how flustered you are. 

“At least, not yet,” Jungkook adds, a little sheepish. 

You give him a questioning look. “What do you mean?” 

“I’m up next, I think.” He gestures at the girl singing in the front and lowers his voice to avoid disrupting the performance. It seems like she’s nearly at the end of her song, and she hits a high note that elicits whoops from the crowds. 

“Oh, you’re going to perform? What are you gonna do?” You ask. You spot Jieun at the other side of the cafe, next to the girl she abandoned you for. She makes eye contact with you and winks before turning back to the mysterious stranger. 

“You’ll just have to wait and find out,” Jungkook says. The lights change from blue to purple, casting colorful shadows on his face.

You lean forward, eyes sparkling. “Let me guess, you’re secretly a ventriloquist.”

“Damn, you got me. It was supposed to be a surprise.” He smiles, teeth and all, and your heart stops for a second. “What about you? Are you going to do something?” 

You bark out a laugh, and you thank the applause in the room for covering up how loud it was. “Hell, no.” 

“Sad. I wanted to see you sing.” 

You freeze. “What?” 

“Hobi mentioned that you sang last time. It’s a shame I never got to see it.” Jungkook smiles sweetly, and you can tell he’s being sincere. Poor, misguided Jungkook. You thank the universe that he wasn’t around for your traumatic singing at the last open mic. It’s bad enough that Hoseok and Jin would sing the same song around you to tease you, but if Jungkook had seen it? You wouldn’t be able to face him again. 

“No, it’s really not. I’m not very good.” You scratch at the back of your head, not knowing what to do with your hands now that your coffee mug is empty. 

“I’m sure that’s not-” 

“Jungkook, get your ass over here!” Hoseok calls from the front. The girl who had been singing is putting her guitar away, and Hoseok waves Jungkook over for his performance. Jungkook’s face creases with panic for a fleeting moment before relaxing again. 

Jungkook stands up, looking stressed, and you grab his arm for a moment. 

“Hey, you’re gonna do great,” you tell him, and you mean it. “Puppet or not.”

He smiles, his eyes crinkling into smiles of their own. If only he knew how that smile turns you into putty in his hands. 

As Jungkook and Hoseok arrange the stool and mic for him, you lean back in your chair. You were joking about the ventriloquy, but you wouldn’t put it past Jungkook. He’s odd, in an endearing and hilarious way. You know he’s artistic, if his experimental coffee art on your caramel macchiatos was anything to go off of. You never took him for a performer though, what with his shy personality and the way he blushes his head when you pay him a well-deserved compliment. 

He settles on the stool, the lights shifting to an orange that makes him all but glow. Looking at him now, you can see it. He sits with confident posture and a slight tilt to his mouth as he surveys the audience. His eyes meet yours, and the ends of his mouth curl into a smile. 

“Hi, everyone,” he says into the mic, waving a hand. “I’m Jungkook, and I’ll be singing a song I wrote. It’s called Still With You.” 

There is a light pause before the music begins. It’s soft music that seems to fill the cafe with soft blue light when the colors change yet again, reminding you of a warm summer rain. The audience goes “oooh,” and you can’t help but join in. It’s already beautiful, relaxing, and freeing all at once. 

Then, Jungkook begins to sing. 

You don’t expect it. You definitely should have. His speaking voice is already beautiful; you should’ve expected him to be an amazing singer. There’s just something special about watching him, eyes closed, fully immersed in the music, singing with a voice that is as golden as 24 carat gold jewelry or maybe the sun itself. 

“Might wanna close your mouth,” someone murmurs beside you, and you whip your head around to see Jin sitting beside you again. “A bug might fly in there.” 

You don’t reply, you simply turn your attention back on the beautiful man on stage and pretend he’s serenading you on a rainy summer night. 

It’s not just you. By the end of the song, the whole cafe is swooning and applauding Jungkook with a vigor he seems unaccustomed to. He blushes and ducks his head down to hide the ear-splitting grin on his face. He catches your eye when he looks back up, and the satisfied look in his eyes is your second reminder to close your mouth. You manage a grin at him, and his smile only grows wider. 

“Thank you for listening,” he says into the mic. 

A few boys swarm Jungkook, Hoseok among them, and you assume those are his friends. You take a deep breath and swivel on your chair to face the table. Jin is already looking at you, chin resting on his palm. 

“I see it now,” he says with an infuriatingly knowing smile. 

“Shut up.” 

“I’m just saying,” he continues, despite your grumbles. “I get it.” 

Jieun takes the moment to insert herself back into the conversation. “Who can get it?” 

“Jungkook.” Jin says. Jieun doesn’t recognize the name and stares blankly at the two of you until he explains further. “The barista Y/N has a boner for. We literally had a whole conversation about him before.” 

You bury your face in your hands. “Why would you say it like that?” 

Jin shrugs. “It’s true.”

You can’t stop thinking about Jungkook. It’s interfering with your ability to pay attention in lectures, your focus when you’re writing your essays, and even the health of your sims. Even when you’re sitting in the cafe with a coffee, danish, and The Sims in front of you, your head keeps looking over at the counter and searching for the familiar dark head of hair. 

“Are you whipped or what?” 

“Huh?” You turn your head away from Jungkook. Jin’s sitting across the table from you since you’re supposed to study together on Tuesdays. 

“You didn’t even notice me speaking to you because you keep staring at Jungkook.” He looks a little miffed, but it’s nothing a little attention won’t fix. 

“Aw, are you upset that I ignored you?” You taunt, drawing your index finger down your cheek in a fake tear motion. “I’m so sorry, Jin. How could I?” 

“That wasn’t my point,” he says, although he looks assuaged. “What I meant is that, you keep looking over there for a certain someone, and that makes me think that you have certain feelings for this certain someone.” 

“I don’t speak riddles, sorry,” you say, eyes focusing back onto your screen where your Sim is talking to her Sim boyfriend. You know exactly what Seokjin is talking about, but that doesn’t mean you can’t pretend you don’t. For starters, it’s hilarious to play dumb with Jin. You love to see how annoyed he can get, how red his ears will turn. 

“Fine. Let’s talk about your massive, pathetic boner for Jungkook the barista.” 

Oof. To hear it said so plainly...it hurt a little bit. 

“That was rough.” You look back up at Jin, and he lolls his head in the palm of his hand. “You can’t even be gentle with your best friend?” 

“No.” The lack of hesitation makes you snort. 

“Okay, well, I suppose I’ve been feeling like,” you begin to say, watching the interest pique in Jin’s eyes, “like maybe there’s a small chance that I’m a little bit infatuated with Jungkook.” 

“Oh, a confession!” Jin straightens up and slams his palms onto the table, making your cup of coffee tremble. “I didn’t expect you to cave so soon!” 

“It’s not a confession! Besides, you saw him sing. No one in that room escaped without delusional feelings for that boy. He’s insane.” 

“Maybe you should tell him that.” 

“And why would I ever do that? I like it here, Jin. I’m not gonna ruin my favorite spot just because of a stupid schoolgirl crush.” 

“I dunno, I think the feeling’s mutual.” Jin snags a bite from your danish before you can swat his hand away. 

“You don’t know that.” 

“I have a feeling.” 

“A feeling isn’t enough.” 

Jin sighs. “You always do this, Y/N. You always have to wait until you’re 110% sure about something before you take a risk, and you end up losing the opportunity.” 

“Sue me for being cautious–!”

“It’s not cautious, it’s self-sabotage!” 

“Are you guys doing okay over here?” 

You and Jin turn your heads to the intruding voice at the same time, and the shock on your faces is almost comical. In comparison to Jin’s sky-rocketing brows and wide eyes, you look like a fish, all but gaping at the barista who stands near your table. 

“I heard you two having an argument, and I just wanted to check if everything’s alright,” Jungkook says, shifting on his feet. He fiddles with the ties on his apron, absently rolling them into balls and unrolling them in his fingers. You can’t help but be hypnotized by the motion.

“We’re fine, thanks,” Jin replies pleasantly. “I’m just helping Y/N get through one of her many issues.”

Jungkook raises his eyebrows. “What issues?” 

You blanch. Jin gives you a smug look, and you return it with one that’s nothing short of pleading. 

“Nothing! No issues!” You assure Jungkook, coughing to cover up how shrill you sound. “You know me and Jin, the besties we are, always playing around. Sometimes I think we’ve been besties for far, far too long.” 

Jin clears his throat. “It’s true. Y/N would be lost without me.” 

You shove your elbow into his side, and when Jin tries to do the same to you, you grab his elbow. He lets out a frustrated noise. Jungkook stares curiously at the two of you, before his eyes light up. 

“You guys remind me of myself and my older brothers.” His eyes are warm and affectionate. “We were always fighting, but it’s out of a place of love.” 

Why is it that everything about Jungkook makes you feel warm, your chest a hot air balloon rising up and up and up? He proceeds to tell you about all of the antics he and his 2 older brothers get up to, all the pranks they pull on each other, and all you can do is admire him. Here he is, telling you about the time he covered the toilet seat with plastic wrap and videotaped his brother pissing on it, and all you can do is think about what a fun and lovely person he is. 

Jin offers some of his own anecdotes from your past—fortunately not any embarrassing ones—before Hoseok is calling Jungkook back and scolding him for “fraternizing with the customers.” As if both Hoseok and Jungkook don’t already loiter around your table to chat every time you’re here. 

The silence after Jungkook leaves is so thick, you think if you stuck your hand out in the air in front of you, it’d get stuck. 

Jin steals the last piece of your danish while you take a sip of your lukewarm coffee. He chews thoughtfully before speaking. “He’s perfect.” 

You nod miserably. “I know.” 

With your undeniable crush on Jungkook, you think maybe you’ve been neglecting your Sim’s mental health and wellbeing. It might be insane to say so, but you can’t help but feel a pang of sadness for Sim Y/N. While you’ve been daydreaming about a certain hot barista, she’s lost her job as an actress (because she set the coffee machine on fire, ironically enough) and her Sim boyfriend left her at the altar. Or rather, he was kidnapped by aliens the night before their wedding, but either way, your Sim is going through a rough patch. 

You check the time—it’s still afternoon. You have plenty of time before you have to write your next essay, this one about cultural diasporas through the ages. Your Sim hasn’t gotten out of the bathtub in 14 Sim hours, so you suppose it’s worth it to spend some extra time playing. It only takes a minute of watching Sim Y/N weeping in the bathroom to convince you that you should make a new Sim, a partner just for her. She’s done so much for you, she deserves it. 

You spend the next two hours choosing the details of your new Sim. You begin to manufacture the ideal man for your Sim, and in some ways, for you. He should be a little nerdy, a little mischievous. Done, and done. He should be funny and shy at the same time, with a cute smile. Done, done, done. It makes you feel a little bit like Dr. Frankenstein when he was creating his monster, but you dismiss the thought when it’s time to choose the Sim’s outfit. 

 When your new Sim is complete, you survey your handiwork with satisfaction. He’s perfect, and he’s perfect for your Sim. 

“Hey, Y/N, wanna try this new type of latte I’ve been experimenting with?” 

You glance at the familiar voice with a bright smile. “Of course, when would I ever say no to free coffee?” 

Jungkook grins and places the mug on the table in front of you. 

Your eyes drop back to the screen to your new Sim, and an unsettling feeling strikes you deep in the pit of your stomach. You look back up at Jungkook. You look back down at the Sim. Back up at Jungkook. 

“Is everything okay?” He asks. 

Holy shit. You just made a Sim version of Jungkook.

You need a moment to process it, but with Jungkook staring at you with concern, you don’t have a moment to spare. You knew you liked Jungkook, but enough to create a Sim of him? Unintentionally? When you were creating your ideal man? It’s too much. The screen itself makes you feel exposed. All he would have to do to see the abomination you just created is look down. 

“Yes, yes, I’m fine. All good,” You sputter, closing your laptop, and the abrupt slam startles Jungkook. “Just looking at my grades.” 

He cracks a smile. “That bad, huh?” 

You sigh. “Even worse.” 

“This might make you feel better,” he says, nudging the mug towards you. 

The coffee that Jungkook created is steamy, covered in foam latte art that he’s definitely been practicing. Today’s art is a melting outline of a kitten, whiskers and all. It smells divine, like cinnamon and something else aromatic that you can’t name. When you take a sip, you want to melt, melt straight into the coffee and live there forever. 

“Jungkook, this is amazing,” you breathe, your eyes closed to savor the taste on your tongue. “This might be my new regular.” 

When you open your eyes, Jungkook’s moved to the seat across from you, amused and proud and bashful all at the same time. The glow of the afternoon washes over him from the window you’re seated beside. 

“I’m serious, you could add this to the menu. Hell, you could start your own coffee shop at this rate.” 

Jungkook chuckles. “Thanks, but don’t let Hoseok hear you say that.” 

“Maybe if I tell him, he’ll start paying you more. You must be in demand in the cafe industry.” 

“It’s true, I am.” 

You take another swallow of the coffee, not caring about the foam collecting on your upper lip like a mustache. 

Jungkook laughs louder this time, watching you inhale the coffee. “You got something on your face, Mario.” 

Without a single warning, he’s leaning over the table and wiping off the foam from your upper lip. It’s a gentle swipe of his thumb, nothing more, but it stops your breath. You stare straight into his eyes; you don’t even risk blinking. Jungkook’s eyes are always starry and glittering like there’s an entire galaxy inside of them, even at 4pm. 

You once told Jin and Jieun about Jungkook’s eyes, and they were less than enthusiastic. Jieun told you to save the whole “waxing poetry about someone’s eyes” thing for marriage, and Jin complained about how often he has to horny shame you lately. 

Then, as if things could not get any more difficult for you, Jungkook takes his thumb and pops it into his mouth. 

You follow his movements, not sure if you’re breathing or not. All he does is grin at you. “You’re right, it’s amazing,” he says. 

He’s a maniac. He has to be stopped.  

You can only blink at him. 

Jungkook says nothing of your inability to speak or move, and he takes it as an opportunity to grab your mug and take a sip of it. “You know, it’s funny that you looked so horrified at your grades, since you’re always here studying.” 

You nearly choke on your own spit. You’re even more screwed than you thought.

You’re good at the slow game. It’s like Jin said, you won’t take chances if you’re not sure. The only exception might be choosing anthropology as your major, and that was more out of pressure to choose a major than a meticulous and calculated choice on your end. If there’s anything that can break your cycle of hesitation, it’s peer pressure. 

Unfortunately for you, your roommates know this about you. 

Jieun lays on the couch with her head in your lap and you’re slumped onto Jin’s entire person. The three of you look like one disturbing mass of a human from far away, one with limbs sticking out at every angle. It’s a comforting tradition of yours, where the three of you get comfortable and snug on the couch and watch shitty movies together. Your side commentary is usually more entertaining than the movie itself, but that’s the point. 

“What is the world’s obsession with fuckboys? I don’t get it,” Jieun complains, shifting her body in your lap. 

Seokjin snorts. “It’s about confidence. And having a big dick. Everything is always about either of those things.” 

“Or both,” you chime in. “Usually both.” 

“Speaking of boys that Y/N wants to fuck…” Jieun eyes you, a small grin on her face. 

Seokjin snorts again, and you can feel the movement in his chest from where you’re draped over him. 

“That wasn’t what we were even talking about, dipshit.” You shove her lightly. She doesn’t even react to your push, but the mischievous light twinkling in her eyes tells you that she’s going to continue the topic. 

“So? I needed a segue to talk about Jungkook.” Jieun says indifferently, as if she doesn’t feel you stiffen when she says Jungkook’s name. As a pre-law student, Jieun never had any qualms about interrogating you. She could always tell when you’re lying and when you’re telling the truth, better than you could yourself. 

You heave a sigh. “You guys should just give up now. I’m not good at making the first move, you know that.” 

“This is boring,” Seokjin complains. “We already know Jungkook likes you back.” 

“What?” You sit up. “Did he say something about me? Did you talk to him?” 

“No, I can just tell,” Seokjin says.

Your shoulders slump, and your friends laugh at you. 

Jieun rubs your back soothingly, and you crash back down onto your awkward pile of bodies. 

“It’s not enough to just KNOW.” 

“Why not? My instincts are always spot on.” 

“Like they were with Yoongi.” 

“Don’t throw that name in my face, you whore.” 

“I’M a whore?” 

“Shut up!” Jieun all but throws the two of you off of her with the force of a much larger person. She huffs and glares at you, probably because you and Seokjin had started getting physical with each other and she had been collateral damage. “You guys are so annoying.” 

Jieun turns to you first. “You—Y/N! Why are you making this harder than it needs to be? You like this hot barista-” You open your mouth to make a half-hearted protest but she beats you to it. “No, you like him! You made him a Sim, for god’s sake. That’s basically your love language. If he rejects you, which he probably won’t, then so what? You wallow, we buy you some gelato, and you move on.” 

You hang your head in shame. Jieun makes everything sound simple, approachable, and much easier than you do. You’re the opposite, always seeing the intricate details before you even see the big picture. Your friends don’t have to say it, and you know they wouldn’t, bless their souls, but you’re a coward. Always flirting and making impulsive decisions then ducking for cover, hiding, and refusing to see the consequences. 

But what if it could be simple? What if it is? What if you went up to Jungkook and told him “Hey, I like you, wanna go out?” You’ve said more to him before. 

You take a deep breath and ease your worries with these thoughts, but before you can tell your friends about how the pep talk had worked, Jieun had turned to Seokjin. 

“And you! Where do you get off, telling Y/N what to do? You danced around Yoongi for months. You put yourself in the friendzone!” 

Seokjin appears to go through a similar internal battle as your own, only his doesn’t seem to have much of a resolution. You pat him on the shoulder before drawing both your friends’ hands into your own. 

“It’s no use yelling at him now, Jieun, but this has been really helpful. Even though you guys are a pain, you made me realize that I might be a little stupid. But not anymore! I’m going to ask Jungkook out this week!” 

For the sake of friendship, you ignore Seokjin’s mumbled “a little?” and Jieun’s fond eye roll. 

“Seokjin, we can do it together!” You tell him, eyes bright. “You ask Yoongi and I ask Jungkook. It’ll be fun.” 

Seokjin’s face falls by the end of your explanation. “It’s too late. Yoongi’s dating someone else. I saw him sucking Park Jimin’s face off the other day.” 

“Good for him.” 

Jieun punches your arm. “What Y/N meant to say is, it’s okay, Jinnie! There’s other fish in the sea.” 

“Not like Yoongi,” Seokjin says forlornly.

“That’s rough, buddy,” you say, squeezing his hand. 

“I mean, you’re a catch,” Jieun says, her pep talk never finished. “Who would turn you down? THE Kim Seokjin? Only a fool.” 

“Only a fool,” you echo. 

That seems to make Seokjin feel better, and you can tell from the way he sits straighter (his posture is no joke) and puffs out his chest like a bird that’s got the best nest. Instead of a nest, he’s got the best friends. It was mostly Jieun’s magic, but you like to think that your silent support means something too. 

“Thanks, guys,” he says. 

You missed a sizable chunk of the movie, but it’s not hard to pick up where you left off. You snuggle closer to your friends, and you think even if it doesn’t work out with Jungkook, you’re in good hands.

You’ve changed your mind. You love your friends, but if things don’t work out with Jungkook, you’ll be crushed. This is why you prefer to pine from afar, where your feelings aren't on the line.

It’s another quiet day in the cafe, and that only adds to your nerves. The calmness of the place guarantees some time to talk to Jungkook, but you start to get in your head. What if he only talks to you because it’s part of his job? Would it be better to ask him after work? When does he even get off his shift today? What if he rejects you, and the cafe is no longer a comfortable place? Would that even be a bad thing, since you’ve been spending way too much money on fancy coffee and danishes lately? What if you never speak to him again out of sheer humiliation? What if he never speaks to you again because of the awkwardness? 

Your mind is a breeding ground for doubt. Even watching Sim Y/N and Sim Jungkook dance together at their neighbor’s party isn’t enough to calm you down or distract you. Your Jungkook-like Sim isn’t actually named Jungkook. You named your Sim Y/N to ground yourself in reality, and for the same reason, you couldn’t name her partner Jungkook. That would be too far, even for you. 

Instead, his name is Jongkook, and he’s a bartender. 

Yeah. You think it’s embarrassing too. It’s why you’ve been even more vigilant to hide your Sims whenever Hoseok or Jungkook float around you. 

Today your mind seems to be elsewhere though, and when you hear an intentional cough from behind your shoulder, panic immediately courses through your veins. 

“Is this what you do instead of studying?” 

You turn to the right, and Jungkook is all but resting his head on your shoulder, peering at the Sims on your screen. He’s so close to you that you can smell his soft linen and coffee smell, but you can’t even enjoy it. Instead, you want to scream. You open your mouth, but you’re frozen. Is this sleep paralysis? God, you hope so. 

Before you can shut your laptop off, he registers what he’s looking at. “Is that...me?” 

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 

“N-no, no, it’s not you,” you say, voice cracking. 

“You even spelled my name wrong.” He tilts his head curiously at Jongkook the Sim. “It’s Jung, not Jong.” 

“I-I-I-” 

This is your worst nightmare. This is it. You thought your worst fear was singing in public again, but nope, it’s this right there. You can only watch Jungkook in horror as he squints at your Sims, taking in their names, outfits, appearances. 

“Wow,” he says, turning to you, “this is really thorough. Tell me, do we have children yet?” 

You choke on your own spit. 

“No! This isn’t based on you!” You sputter, trying to create some half-assed excuse on the spot. “These aren’t my Sims, they’re my friend’s. I was just, um, watching them for him.” 

Jungkook looks at you closely, his eyes twinkling in the cafe’s lights. You can hear your heartbeat knocking, no, banging, against your chest. You can hear the blood pounding through your body, in your ears, and the twinkle in Jungkook’s eyes makes you think he can hear it too. 

“You don’t have to lie to me, Y/N,” he says, his voice sounding like a song with a melody that you can’t place. “Besides, I’ve known you were playing the Sims for months now.” 

Somehow, that’s what does it for you. Your jaw all but unhinges. “You what?” 

“Yeah, I mean, you’re not as stealthy as you think.” Jungkook laughs, and it hits you that he is laughing at you. 

You lift a shaking hand to shut your laptop, finally. “I have...I should go.” You sound weaker and softer than you intended, your voice trailing off into nothing. The sound of the coffee shop bustling around you saves you from further embarrassment.

Jungkook’s eyes widen. “Hey, I didn’t mean it in a bad way.” 

You avoid looking him straight in the eye, standing up and packing your stuff up with the finesse of a baby deer. Your hands fumble with your laptop charger, and it falls onto the ground. Jungkook attempts to gather it off the floor with you, but Hoseok being a competent employee saves you for once. 

“Jungkook,” Hoseok calls. “Jungkook, get the F over here or else I’ll really say the F word in front of all of these people.” 

You meet Jungook’s gaze when you stand up with your charger. He looks at you with concern, his eyes asking you what he did wrong. You feel too exposed with him looking at you like that. He waits in front of you for one moment, one long moment, before you move towards the door and he moves towards the counter. 

By the time you’re down the street, you let out a breath. You feel dampness on your face. You raise your head to the sky, and when you realize it’s not raining, you crumple a little bit more. 

The door is loud when you open it, like the sounds of the keys turning in the door and the sound of entering your empty apartment alone are amplified somehow. Seokjin finds you later, silent and face down on your bed. 

“Oh, no, honey.” He sits beside you, running a warm hand through your hair. You turn towards him and wrap your hands around his torso. He hugs you back even though the position is awkward. 

“Jungkook saw my Sims,” You say, partially muffled by his thigh. 

Seokjin pauses thoughtfully. “And what did he say?” 

“He laughed.” 

Seokjin gives you some comforting pats on your back. “What did you want him to do?” 

You shrug helplessly against his leg, and he sighs.

In the week that you’ve been studying in the library instead of Cafe O Lay, you’ve done 3 essays. You actually started them early too. Of course, that might be because you no longer have the heart to play the Sims, but you blame the distracting environment of Cafe O Lay. It’s a coffee shop, after all. Not the perfect place to study. Especially not with certain people roaming around, flexing their forearms while they mix shakes and absent-mindedly pushing their hair behind their ears. 

You’re holed up in a table in the quietest nook of the university library. This is really the perfect place to study. You should come here every day. Your grades would probably skyrocket. 

When you shift in your chair, it makes a squeaky noise. Someone shushes you, and you whisper a “Sorry” that’s met with a hiss. 

You cringe and turn back to your essay. 

It’s silent for a long time—so long that you lose track of the passage of time. When you glance at the time, you realize only 10 minutes have passed since you got here. Staring at the glossy finish of the table, you come to terms with a few different facts: 

The library is not for you. It’s too quiet. The people are not friendly. Who are you kidding? You’re miserable here. 

You miss coffee and danishes. How are you supposed to get shit done if you’re hungry and tired? 

You miss Jungkook. You definitely have a massive boner for him, in the eloquent words of Kim Seokjin. You miss his jokes and his funny expressions and his laughter. 

You’re startled from your trance by the sound of two plastic cups hitting the table. Even more startling is the face of Jeon Jungkook, smiling down at you. 

“What are you doing here?” You whisper, alarmed when he sits himself down in the seat across from you. 

He quirks a brow and pushes one of the drinks towards you before taking out his own laptop. “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m studying with a friend.” 

Studying with a friend? He brought you a drink? He smiled at you? You try and fail to keep the bewilderment off your face. If he notices, he doesn’t say anything. You do see the ends of his mouth curl up when he takes a sip of his drink. 

It’s something cold with a lot of whipped cream and sugar and coffee. He even got the little caramel sprinkles on top that he knows you love. 

You can feel your forehead pinching from the effort it’s taking you to resist this drink. 

“What’s the catch?” You ask, although your hand is inching towards the drink of its own will. 

Jungkook shoots you a bemused look. “Why would there be a catch?” 

You can’t find a logical answer for him. 

True to his word, he starts pulling study materials out of his backpack: a notebook, a textbook, a pencil case, a laptop, over-the-ear headphones. 

To say you’re bewildered is a massive understatement. 

It takes you a few minutes of fumbling and blatantly ogling Jungkook, who patiently smiles back at you, before you can relax your shoulders and spine. 

An hour later, he’s still there, deeply immersed in whatever he’s studying. You know it’s been an hour because you’ve been watching the time slowly tick since he got here. You’ve been watching Jungkook’s eyes flit across his screen and his hands jostle restlessly and his leg bounce under the table and his hair brush against his eyebrows. There seems to be no point in doing essays to distract yourself from a certain someone if he’s sitting right in front of you. 

At one point, he pulls his headphones down to rest around his neck and shuts his laptop. You busy yourself with clicking and typing at the 1 page, mostly empty word document that’s open. 

“Y/N,” he says. 

You look up at him like he’s caught you off guard. “Yes?” 

“Are we gonna talk about it?” 

“About what?” 

He sighs. “About how I saw your Sim of me and then you ran away and haven’t been to the coffee shop since?” 

Wow, he was straight to the point, wasn’t he? 

You sip at the drink he got you, as if it’s not empty. The straw makes a loud sputtering noise that has several students glowering your direction. 

Jungkook waits. 

You bury your face in your hands. “Can’t you tell? I’m so embarrassed. I’m so sorry you had to see that, that I even made you into a Sim in the first place. That was probably the most embarrassing moment in my life.” 

“What’s so embarrassing about it?”

“You laughed! You knew about the Sims all along!” You catch more people trying to telepathically kill you and you lower your voice. “Oh my god, you’re laughing right now.” 

Jungkook looks like he’s using every muscle in his body to prevent himself from laughing. You suppose that should count for something. 

“I’m not laughing,” Jungkook says, grinning. “Okay, I am laughing, but not because it’s embarrassing. I think it’s cute. No, I think you’re cute.” 

“You what?” Your voice is so loud this time that you get an actual “Shush!” from someone. 

Jungkook’s shoulders shake silently from how hard he’s laughing. You throw all your things into your bag haphazardly and drag him away. 

A moment later, you’re sitting on the stairs in the emergency stairwell of the library.

“You WHAT?” Your eyes must be bulging out of their sockets, and you’re staring at Jungkook like he turned green and pregnant and started speaking Simlish. Not unlike Jongkook the Sim bartender, who was the next alien abduction victim.. 

Jungkook beams at you. “See? Cute.” 

It shouldn’t be so mind boggling that someone finds you cute, but you’ve always had anxiety around love and romance. That’s why you never approach people you’re attracted to, and it’s why you never intended on pursuing Jungkook. 

“Tell me something,” Jungkook says, sitting down on the stairs next to you. “How did Sim Y/N and Sim Jungkook meet?” 

“At a bar. He works at a bar.”

“Are they happy together?” 

You hum. “They were happy, but then he got kidnapped by aliens and returned the next day green and pregnant. Sim Y/N was upset about that.” 

Jungkook nodded sympathetically. “The baby’s not hers, huh?” 

“Nope. It’s very tragic.” 

“Is there any hope?” Jungkook nudges you with his arm, and you turn to face him. 

Your faces are much closer than you realized. Every cell in your body is screaming at you to turn away and scootch farther away and maybe even tell Jungkook you are unwell and go home immediately and never see him again. Maybe not every cell though. There’s one that sounds suspiciously like Seokjin, and it’s telling you that there is hope, for maybe more than just your Sim. It also tells you to stop self-sabotaging your life. 

You somehow manage to stay there and enjoy staring at Jungkook’s sparkly galaxy eyes up close. 

“Yeah, I think so,” you tell him. Your voice isn’t more than a warm breath. 

Your eyes drop to his lips, and you spot a mole on the bottom lip. You lift up a hand to touch it, but you stop yourself before you can. 

Jungkook puts a hand against yours and interlaces your fingers. He stands up, lifting you up along with him. 

“Let’s go get something to eat,” he says, searching your face. “Like a date. Is that okay with you?” 

You nod, and the ends of your mouth are floating upwards like balloons. You smile so widely at Jungkook that you fear you’ve accidentally cosplayed as the Joker. He cosplays as the Joker right back. 

You trudge hand in hand back through the library. 

“Let’s go get coffee,” you say. 

Jungkook groans loudly. 

Someone shushes you again, and the two of you hightail it out there, giggling like the lovesick fools that you definitely are.

A/N: I had a blast writing this 2 YEARS ago, and then I left it unfinished in the vaults like I do with every work of writing I start. I rediscovered it recently, thought it deserved an ending, and here I am posting it! I am so glad I could finish a longer one-shot for this blog even if I'm not actively writing fanfic anymore. Hope you enjoy!

[shwoyo]

hello, i saw your reqs open and i wanted to ask if you could do a seokmin x reader where reader is a shy person who always listens and when they meet seokmin and he listens to their rambling and yeah, thnks in advance! :)

hi anon! thank you for requesting <3 i'm sorry this is kinda rushed + i kinda wasn't able to show readers shy demeanor lol, but i hope you like it!

comfortable with you. — lee seokmin x reader

; fluff, little angst, comfort – warnings: like 1 cuss word – wc: 1,481

note: first req ever, kinda nervous 😅i kindaa rushed it in the end,,, im sorry. BUT ANYWAYS!! i enjoyed writing this! i had so many thoughts on how i wanted to go with this, but stuck with this (kind of) short one. I hope you guys will enjoy this teww! not my best work tho

you love listening to people talking. you've always let people do the talking while you do the listening; its been in your nature since ever. they would talk, and you would hum in agreement or dispute, sometimes speaking your own thoughts. but sometimes, you wish you could just spill your unsaid thoughts to someone. but you can't, for some reason.

–

your junior year has started, new school supplies, new acquaintances, and, of course, a new seatmate. every first day of school always makes you nervous; everything is new, and by that you'd always have to introduce yourself; you hated it.

standing outside your new classroom with your other classmates, the teacher announced that she had already assigned the seating plan. you were kind of grateful, as you quite literally don't know anybody here; you got separated from your friend.

Ms. Shin, your teacher was calling your classmates one by one, then called your name, "next, l/n y/n!" you went up to her. "you'll be sitting next to lee seokmin, he's over there by the window, third row" she stated. you went in the classroom and walked to your seat, which is beside seokmin, your new seatmate. he sat at the aisle part, which left you sitting next to the window, and you were grateful for it.

you sat down and settled your bag behind your chair. honestly, you were pretty nervous because, for the first time, your seatmate was a guy. you were always seated next to girls for some reason.

"hi! i'm lee seokmin. but you can call me seokmin, or any nickname you can think of," he spoke. you quickly turned your head in his direction and just nodded, turning your head to look at the board in front. 'he's so... pretty,' you thought to yourself. it took a second until he spoke again, "what about you? what's your name?" he asked, and you turned to look at him again, quickly realizing that you haven't introduced yourself. "oh, i'm sorry! i'm l/n y/n sorry, did i come off as rude?" you replied, your voice lowering as you spoke. "ah, no, no! it's okay!" he giggled as he responded, waving his hands as a sign that it really is okay. "i'm sorry again," you said, voice low almost like a whisper. "no, i assure you it's fine! everyone gets nervous at the first day of school, even me," he stated. you just nodded, turning your head to look at your table.

your face was red in embarrassment, so much for a first impression with someone who will be next to you your whole junior year. you wished the floor could just eat you whole.

–

months into 11th grade, everyday was a struggle. there were new activities every week, mostly by partners, and you were grateful that in each partner activity, seokmin was your partner. seokmin is the most perfect partner you could ask for; he was always ready and always listened to the instructions of the activity given. you were so grateful for him; you probably wouldn't have survived first term without him.

right now, on a thursday afternoon, you and seokmin were at the library doing the essay activity given by your english teacher, a 15k word essay covering the important events and creations that happened during the renaissance, the deadline being monday. you were trying so hard not to cry as you were stuck on your third paragraph, the whole essay only having 487 words. usually you were quick with this; you love english, you always scored high on the subject. but right now, you were just not motivated enough to write properly.

"Hey, you okay there?" seokmin spoke up, noticing your distraught expression. you only hummed to his question. he was already making it easy for you; he has suggested that we should write 7,500 words each on our part to sum up the 15,000 so it would be easy. you felt bad as you were writing your part so... poorly. "we can take a break if you're stuck," seokmin suggested, "uhm, maybe i'll try to continue mine and you take a break. i wanna at least try and finish this third paragraph," you stated. "hmm, i think no!" he said cheerfully. seokmin closed his laptop, then yours. you looked at him in shock, but he just grabbed your arm, forcing you to stand up, then pulling you towards the door of the library. "s-seokmin! hey! what about our things?" you whisper-shout, "don't worry, we'll be quick!" he replied.

you kinda got used to this; whenever seokmin sensed that you were struggling or stressed, he would always do something to distract you until you were feeling okay. this time, he was pulling you in the hallways of the school, towards the exit, and then walked towards the ice cream stand near the school gate. "hello! can i get one vanilla ice cream and one chocolate ice cream? both no toppings!" seokmin said, the vendor nodded and made his order, "seokmin, i didn't bring my wallet with me." you stated, "its okay! its on me," he replied "no, i'll just pay you when we go back to the library," you said, "nu-uh, this is on me. i won't accept your payment," seokmin responded.

he's always like this. he does something nice for you, but whenever you offer to do something in return, he denies it. this is what you like about him, like as in platonically... yeah, platonically.

–

few more months in junior year, and your feelings towards seokmin kept growing, not platonically. you tried to deny your feelings, but every time you do, he does something that just makes your heart flutter.

and surprisingly enough, you've gotten so comfortable with him that each time you talked, you openly said your thoughts, even you shocked yourself. but, you still weren't comfortable enough to spill your deepest thoughts and rambles, rants you wish you'd said to the person who stressed your thoughts.

still, you were more than happy to be able to finally openly speak your thoughts, even if it weren't your deepest thoughts that hurt you. you were okay with this, you think.

–

but one day during the last 2 weeks of junior year, you were fed up. the world just kept testing and testing you, and you were so tired and just needed to rant, specifically to seokmin.

"and it's just... so fucking tiring! i don't get why they won't do their part. it's almost the end of the school year, and they're acting like this?! i'm just so..." you couldn't finish your sentence as you started to sob. seokmin looked at you with sad eyes, it hurts him to see you like this. 'why couldn't your group mates just do their job properly?' he thought. you sobbed harder as you thought about your uncooperative group mates, then seokmin hugged you.

it was the first time he physically touched you like this; usually he would tap your shoulder, pat your head, or pull your arm when he wants to show something, but hugging you? this was definitely new. but you were too tired to be shocked.

"mhm, i understand y/n." seokmin stated, you sobbed harder than before. for years in your life, you just wanted to hear those words—that someone understood you. you were always the one to listen; you never had the chance to be the one to rant as you grew used to listening. seokmin patted your back, still hugging you. it was so comforting; you wished you could stay there forever.

–

from that day on, you knew that you were super comfortable with seokmin. he's the person you trust your thoughts with the most. not a day goes by where you had to keep your thoughts to yourself anymore; you had seokmin, and he had you, of course. he was there for you, and you were there for him.

the feeling of finally being able to speak up about your deepest, unsaid thoughts and rants was so refreshing. of course, the more comfortable you got with him, the more your feelings grew too.

–

it was on recognition day when you had the courage to finally spill your heart out to seokmin. you were very nervous, but the funny thing was he beat you to it. he confessed first, leaving you shocked. of course you informed him that the feeling is mutual.

you were happy; he was too. your heart was so happy you felt like it would explode. you never have thought that you would find love this early in your life, especially with your old behavior of being shy. but seokmin was there, he was there for you in so many ways. he saved your heart and mind by letting you pour your unsaid rambles to him, and you were so grateful for him, for seokmin, who was now your lover 'till end.

©shwoyo, all rights reserved.

[bumblebyaf]

the pricefield breakup was good

just finished double exposure and while the game had many flaws i entirely disagree with one of the biggest complaints i’ve seen both before and after the games release: the pricefield breakup. in fact, the pricefield breakup is my favorite part of the game and one of the most fascinating character writing decisions that defined a lot max’s character for me…so here’s my essay on why max & chloe could never work long term, the breakup was incredibly natural, and how its the only way for both of them to move on. don’t bother reading of course if you don’t want to hear any of these opinions <3 

to start off the bat (and this will be the paragraph people hate the most): max & chloe are one of the weakest lis pairings (and again this is obviously all my opinion). they honestly never even had that much chemistry to me and i probably never would have shipped them had the game come out later but since the game came out when it did and it was the first gay game i’d ever played and they were like the only gay rep i knew it was brilliant & i think nostalgia for this clouds a lot of what people see when they think of pricefield but objectively they never make sense as a pairing to me and i find their scenes together quite awkward or boring. chloe is an asshole to max throughout the whole game (and i am a huge chloe supporter, i understand absolutely where all of her anger and issues were stemming from and it made sense!) and max is either a pushover who just lets her do it or like entirely indifferent to it/ignores it i guess depending on how you play; and max is shitty too i mean we know she ghosted chloe for years and then went back to blackwell for like a month or whatever without ever looking up chloe and who knows if she ever actually would have. which like max doesn’t have an obligation to do that but she clearly wanted to after she meets chloe again and then she spends so much of the game thinking about how chloe replaced her with rachel when max left first and trying to just slot herself back into the exact spot she left (also chloe did not replace her anyway they were entirely different relationships). (unrelated but this is why i hate when people have max add her name to the wall in the junkyard hide out lol) max spends the entire game watching chloe die in several different ways and trying desperately to keep her alive which has got to make a crazy trauma bond/attachment and honestly aside from one or two very obviously written “gay” scenes chloe barely registers as romantically interested in max to me (which…yeah chloe is spending the whole game going through a lot of stuff!) right up until the end where chloe realizes how hard max has been trying to keep her alive/max has been helping her with all the struggles she’s having this week/backing her up with her family drama etc during a time where chloe doesn’t really think anyone cares about her…which i don’t know again seems like a trauma bond to me! and then max sacrifices an entire town for her? of course they get together. you also have to remember that this game takes place during like the WORST week of these two young girls lives it’s just crazy to me how people define their entire relationship/personalities by this time period 

also like i know a lot of LIS fans don’t love BTS because its a different studio and the original LIS writers never wanted a prequel & that for some reason a lot of LIS fans think rachel is the devils fucking spawn BUT thats a different argument (bts being my second favorite game & rachel my third favorite character) but after watching chloe in bts (still with Issues and trauma but less heavy and more shared) and seeing her fall in love with rachel there i could never see her with max the same way

also to be clear i’m not saying at all that i think max & chloe don’t care for each other deeply; i do believe they love each other my argument is just that this relationship could never really last long term and mostly stemmed from the trauma they were going through which brings me to the main part:

max & chloe breaking up makes perfect sense for their characters, especially the reason given as well. chloe telling max that she wants to move forward and live in the future but max is always looking to the past- this single line sold me on the break up immediately i found it fascinating! max does live in the past! its her entire power! her entire game is about rewinding over and over to make the perfect moment etc. max’s character is constantly being brought into question when it comes to how she uses her powers even when she only ever tries to use them for good reason (in particularly i really like the subtle way the comics handled this too, BY CHLOE, but i know not everyone likes the comics either and they’re obviously not canon to the games since they contradict double exposure lore as well. but in the comics an alternate timeline chloe criticizes max on how reflexively she uses her powers to save/help people without considering how rewinding a moment affects everyone around them as well- and how sometimes things go wrong but can work out anyway. this is proven by us also following a second timeline without max there to rewind and we see how those characters navigate the issues max erased and in some instances they turn out even better and i like a happier healthier chloe having this perspective).  i feel like the chloe we meet in life is strange is so specific to that one game (she is going through so much active trauma and it is literally like the worst week of her life) but the pieces of her i’ve seen outside of that game show me how much her character can change when given space to breathe so i don’t think its fair to hold her to just that week. i can very easily see how chloe would want to put everything behind her and try to fully move on/away from everything that has happened and this being the only way she feels she can move forward- similarly how max could spend everyday stuck living with the choices she made and the effects its had on her, how much harder it is for her to separate and move on. 

i also think it makes perfect sense that chloe could grow some resentment towards max for her mothers death- i’m sure chloe wouldn’t act on this but i can see them both knowing it’s there and chloe not really being able to help feeling it. i mean chloe really is fully accepting of her death in life is strange and its max who makes the choice to keep her alive (and yes it’s shitty of chloe to make it seem like a choice at all but that’s also just like…the game having to give the player a choice too). chloe has to live with knowing her mother and everyone she knew died so she could live and max has to live with knowing she directly made that choice and both of them have to just…know and live and think about this everyday they’re with each other how can they move on? is that not suffocating? with some space they can at least maybe start to really separate from it 

i also think chloe’s implied insecurities around max rewinding parts of their relationship also make sense to be honest…max spends the entire game trying to fix every interaction to be the right one like i KNOW she would rewind mistakes because i DID that as her; and maybe you can say max would never use her powers again after the storm but to be honest i don’t think thats true…i think she would never redo grand scale things again (except i guess she does in double exposure) but i just don’t know if i believe she could resist the temptation to keep her and chloe’s interactions perfect- at least in the beginning. i’m not saying she DOES but i GET it- i understand chloe’s paranoia (if it is just paranoia and not fact) because i don’t think i could trust either because i also understand MAX. max who killed an entire town for chloe & their relationship- wouldn’t you feel like you had to keep doing everything in your power to make sure it works? to keep it good, to keep chloe happy?  it’s a really complicated feeling for both of them i’m sure

and i think chloe is right when she says max is always living in the past because we literally see her doing it during the game. she’s still journaling to chloe, she keeps chloe in her wallet & on her wall, we keep having flashbacks to arcadia, max keeps a box of arcadia with her (even though we know she’s also been traveling/on the road most of her adult life), she’s never discussed any part of her past with her friends, her photography focus is about the lonely and abandoned. the entirely of double exposure is about max learning how to really stop living in the past and the harm it could do (through what happened to maya and safi and how its still happening four years later because no one ever really dealt with it etc) and that’s why this undercurrent and the pricefield breakup is my absolute favorite part of this game and the best part of it

i also think it’s really worth pointing out what a lot of people seem to have missed (in the complaints i did see); max & chloe didn’t have some horrible explosive ending and they hate each other forever now and the two are forever ruined or whatever…chloe simply saw she could never truly move forward with max and maybe more importantly she saw max could never move forward with her (how could max move forward from the worst choice she’s ever had to make in her life when she’s also sharing a bed with it?) chloe still loves and cares for her, max still loves her, they could be on friendly terms very easily- in fact i think the only reason they don’t talk right now is because of max (which is for the best during this time i think anyway) and chloe would be absolutely open to their friendship whenever max is ready. chloe wants the best for both of them & chloe’s text at the end of the game proves she’s still thinking of max & open to talking again whenever max is. max also has feeling by the end of the game that’s ready to really start moving forward from arcadia now and one day she will be ready to confront chloe again and i think whenever that happens the two will be really good friends again- like they always were.

[howlingday]

Why I love One Piece

An essay made at the request of @superbkryptoniteavenue

One Piece is an anime about pirates at first glance. I first found the series when I was in the third grade. When I started watching the anime, I couldn't get enough of it. Years later, I'm still watching it, and I'm finding new things to love about it. Okay, the first paragraph is filled out, now let's get to some One Piece. Now come aboard and bring along all your hopes and dreams.

When I first found One Piece, it was a manga sitting in my school library. Nowadays, I usually start a new series from either the first episode or the first volume. However, One Piece was different in that I started from Volume 3, when Luffy, our main protagonist, meets his future navigator, Nami. The volume also introduced the first major threat Luffy and his crew faced off against; The Buggy Pirates. However, the one scene that I love more than any other in this manga was something that showed me how different Luffy was from the other pirates.

Before getting into that, let me give you a basic run-down of One Piece, and I mean VERY basic, because getting any deeper can be as troublesome as diving for treasure. First, the setting of One Piece is a world that is best described as one big ocean with islands dotting here and there. The world is in what's referred to as The Great Pirate Era, starting from when Gold Roger, the most famous pirate, was executed and with his dying words, declared that he left a treasure to be found, sparking the era. Whoever finds this treasure becomes the King of the Pirates, which is the end goal of our main protagonist, Monkey D. Luffy, who is a rubberman with the powers of rubber, which he gained after eating the Gum-Gum Fruit, a Devil Fruit.

I'll save you the long list from there, but it all makes sense as you go along. Anyways, the part that made me understand what kind of pirate Luffy is happened in the first volume I read, where there's a dog guarding a pet store for his dead master. A pirate with a giant lion attacks it and burns it to the ground. Luffy hunts down the pirate, easily overpowers the lion, then knocks out the pirate. He then comes back to the dog, handing him what's left of the pet store; a box of dog food. It's for this reason, among others, that Luffy is my favorite protagonist.

If I could find more One Piece, I wanted to get it. Bear in mind, this was back in the day when anime was only on the internet if you were lucky enough to find it. Especially if you were living outside of Japan and the USA. So when I found the anime, I hopped into as much as I could. I remember finding a website of just One Piece, and I binge-watched it for about a week. Ever since, it's been one binge-watch after the other.

East Blue, Baroque Works, Skypeia, Enies Lobby, Thriller Bark, Saobody Archipelago- I'd seen them all and I loved everything each one of them brought! Thus far, the best arc is Enies Lobby, since I felt like everyone was fighting as hard as they could and has probably some of the best, most tear-jerking moments in the entire series. Not to say the other arcs don't have their moments, but this was the one that cemented One Piece in my heart. Heck, I'll sometimes go back and rewatch the scenes because they're so good!

I find it funny, actually, how a series about such a simple character has developed into this huge world with its own intrigues and deeper lore. And it can all be pretty much summed up as, "And then Luffy happened." There's a secret shadow plot involving the World Government; there's a pirate running around stealing other people's powers; there's a talking skeleton, a giant dragon, and a living cartoon character as a god! It's all so awesome!

So, why do I love One Piece? Well... I love it because it's fun! I love it because it brings up interesting questions! I love it because it makes me laugh with joy, clench my fists in rage, and wipe my eyes for... reasons. I won't say it's perfect because it does have its flaws, but that won't stop me from enjoying Luffy and his crew making these short pit-stops that devolve into colossal battles that reshape the islands, if not the entire ocean itself!

So... Yeah. That's why I love One Piece.

[dovoodles]

Vivit Characters if they had Letterboxd

by suggestion of a friend, because I put too much effort and wanted to post this

ASH: Super fucking dumb reviews. Makes hyperspecific lists (i.e. the shrek and get out one) and reviews based on how funny it'd be. Sometimes shes seen it. Sometimes she hasn't.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆: Justice for the grinch, to be honest. He's literally just an anticapitalist victim of racism raised by two lesbian moms. He did nothing wrong.

☆: The only part I liked was when Morbius said its morbin time and morbed all over the place

MACK: RELIGIOUSLY leaves reviews for everything he's seen. He's super positive about every film, always seeing the strengths even when he doesn't like it. They're always super detailed too, usually a paragraph or two in length. All his reviews scale from 3 stars to 5. Only one movie has ever been given a one star review.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆: I think this is my favorite film of the year :D To start off with the positives, the choreography for the dance scenes was very fun to watch and ... [read more]

☆: I can tell the writers tried to make this really informative! I'm not sure what their sources were, as everything is categorically wrong, but they tried! Here are links to every article that debunks this :o) ... [read more]

NERVA: Only leaves reviews for her hallmark binges. Her litmus scale is based on quality in relation to other hallmark films, and puts a note before every review that in relation to any other film, they would garner two stars at most, zero if it were possible.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆: Surprised me. A hallmark movie has not done that since 2063. It was interesting she stayed with her New York City Boyfriend. Unexpected.

☆: Another copy-and-paste plot. The third act misunderstanding occurs at one hour and thirty-five minutes, as it does with every movie. The kiss happens twenty-six minutes later: A minute more than usual. This means I had to sit through an extra minute of this movie. Oh well.

SAMUEL: Only really updates it to say he has a letterboxd. Posts a review every so often when watching a film he enjoys, spending most of it rambling about his personal analysis than anything else. Oftentimes surprisingly good though.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆: Another masterpiece from this director as always. No surprise there; with his nihilistic worldview, the character study of ... [read more]

☆: I came with an open mind. Regrettably, I'm disappointed. My child encouraged me to watch this, and though the low age demographic was a warning sign in itself, this truly exceeded my expectations in the worst way possible. To present this sorry excuse for a "story" to young impressionable minds ... [read more]

VIDA: Posts a review for every single movie they watch, and there's a lot. Like, one a week, at least. They post full essay length reviews, broken down into sections. They've got it down by a science. They also regularly make organizational lists based on tone or situational enjoyment. They have more 1 and 2 star reviews than not. They've unknowingly posted Mack's reviews off site to bully the shit out of them. Their meanest reviews are towards cliché "classical" movies, because that's what Samuel made them watch.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆: Alright, let's not beat around the bush: This thing is great. I know everyone's like, "blah blah blah, this was going to be terrible" — but they were wrong, so eat shit. As always, we're dividing this between cinematography, writing, acting ... [read more]

☆: That's it. No fancy formatting because what the hell is this. I genuinely think the person who told me to watch this hates me, because if you enjoy THIS, you're braindead. Objectively braindead. Anyways, I want to meet who worked on the color grading for this so badly, because I am convinced they're COLOR-BLIND. Actually, is that offensive? Because color-blind people can still see values, right? And god, there is NO contrast in this garbage ... [read more]

AMATUS: Only gets into it because Vida suggested it. He has a lot of thoughts on films, but he prefers verbalizing them anyways. He doesn't care to influence peoples opinions much on this front, so he really just leaves objective reviews that are fairly short. Sometimes he does leave monster reviews if no one will entertain his thoughts, but thats few and far between (because Vida keeps goading him into rants always). Loves reviewing indie, arthouse films the most.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆: This was enjoyable for both me and the group I watched this with :) If you're looking for a lighthearted comedy, I would highly reccomend.

☆: I think I was the wrong audience for this. I'm not sure who this movie is for, in that case, but maybe it's someone... Probably not.

[destinyc1020]

Confession: a lot of your anons, and you, are saying exactly what I’m thinking. I think Z unfollowing everyone threw newbies and younger fans for a loop. She’s been saying for a while that social media makes her anxious. I think the strike and postponement of her movies allowed her to see what life is like when she isn’t constantly working. She and Tom were able to continue building their lives together. They decorated their homes. They spent quality time with their families on different continents. Z was able to live without having to post on socials and I think she maybe realized how much she enjoyed being offline. She’s not about to get rid of Instagram, but unfollowing everyone is a way to make going online to post a quick pic about work easier. There are a lot of fans who feel entitled to her life, and messaging her, Darnell, and her family intrusive things. Once Challengers is released, I can see that immature people will flock to the comments, just like they did after a certain scene in TCR.

Z didn’t post about her quick trip to Brazil to attend the con with her Dune cast mates. She did not post the trailer or any of the other BTS clips that were released. She’s really taking a step back (but will be posting about it once her press tour starts). I think she’s largely done using social media for anything other than work. It drives me crazy when people automatically assume that clearing her following is solely about Tom because the signs of her wanting to be less active have been there. Z wants to protect her peace. Her relationship is part of that, but I don’t think that’s the only factor.

It also drives me crazy that some “fans” keep insisting or hoping that a break up happened. The man literally caught on film and emphatically denied a break up. A day afterwards (just last week!), Tom needed no prompting to mention Z in an interview. People just need to let them be and remember that they’ve never been the couple to be caught out and about every week at some hot spot. They genuinely enjoy their privacy.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. 😜 Sorry for the essay. 😅

Thanks for your confession Anon 😅

Although, I will say, I don't think it needed a confession tag since I think most people would agree with you post lol. But anyway, I completely agree 100% with what you just said here. Everything you stated is exactly how I feel as well. I also think fans freaking out about her removing who SHE follows is dumb. Now, if she went and blocked everyone and went PRIVATE, then I would be like: "Oh snap!!!!!!!!!" That would be totally different lol.😅 I don't even know if she would be allowed to do that tbh lol. I think she realized what is more important. And there are plenty of celebrities who don't like social media, and who don't even have social media, and they are doing JUST fine lol.

RE: Breakup rumors... I wish fans would use more common sense smh... 🤦🏾‍♀️ Why on earth would they break up right after they JUST spent the holidays together in London with Tom and his family? 🙄

Second, like you said... Tom emphatically denied any breakup rumors.

Third, as you mentioned, he mentioned her unprompted on the red carpet of the CCA's just last week! At this point, I'm just assuming that people who think they've broken up every 2 seconds are either super naive, or are just engaging in wishful thinking. 🙄

[justmeinabigolworld]

You guys remember Schoolhouse Rock? That stuff came out before my time, but I watched it in school, especially in third grade, since my third grade teacher had it on DVD and loved to show it to us whenever there was free time. One song that really stuck in my mind was "$7.50 Once A Week", which was about a boy who gets 7.50 a week for his allowance and has to balance his budget. This always made me a little jealous, because back then, I only got five dollars a week (technically for completing the chores listed on my weekly "chore chart", but eventually I stopped actually doing most of the chores, and so the 5 was basically just allowance).

Not too long after that, in fourth grade or so, my dad put his foot down and decided to stop giving me and my cousin 5 a week, since we weren't doing our chores. Now, it wasn't like I bought stuff regularly anyway, since I never really went anywhere without a parent -- there was nowhere to walk to in the boring suburbs (not that my parents would let me walk anywhere without supervision), and it was frequently too hot to go outside anyway, so if I wanted to go anywhere, I had to be driven there by a parent. In those days, I couldn't split up with my parents at the mall or anything, so really, I didn't have much of a chance to buy stuff for myself. I had to ask my parents for everything. But even though I wasn't exactly a shopper, I was still upset at not getting an allowance anymore. It did help that my great-uncle started sending me checks every Christmas (with another one attached for my birthday, which came four days after). Come to think of it, though, I don't really remember actually using that money until high school. I think I just forgot about it, and my parents didn't remind me...

I know I shouldn't blame them for anything, but I've been doing some thinking about that "7.50 Once A Week" song, as well as a bit of internet research. The song came out in 1992. Using an inflation calculator, I found out that that lucky boy was getting almost $17 in today's money every week! That's huge for an allowance, right? Now, as for me, it was around 2014 when I stopped getting my allowance. Five dollars then is about $6.64 today.

Also, the boy's allowance can be supplemented with money he gets from doing chores and helping around the house, as he notes in the video. He can get more than his weekly allowance! Damn, that boy is rolling in dough.

When I heard (around seventh grade or so) that other kids my age were getting paid for their good grades, I was confused, and I brought it up to my dad. He said, "We don't pay for good grades, we expect them."

That does track. I did well in elementary school, but since we didn't use traditional letter grades there, I'm not sure exactly how well I did. In middle school, however, I got all As every single quarter all three years, and I was taking advanced classes. When my grade in one class briefly dipped to a B in sixth grade, my mom said she wasn't mad or disappointed or anything, but she wouldn't stop bringing it up, and she kept questioning me about the details of the assignment that lowered my grade down to a B. I think it was actually one of those things where the students would grade each others' things, which was weird, as I remember it being an essay, something that's much too subjective for eleven-year-olds to grade for each other...

It's not that my parents didn't have money. I mean, the only time I was ever outright told we couldn't afford something was one year when we didn't do our customary watching-The-Nutcracker-Ballet thing. But we lived (and still live) in a nice house out in the suburbs, with two cars and a dog, and that was on my dad's income alone! My dad even called us "upper class" once when he was talking about how I didn't know how good I had it, although I doubt that. Even so, money has always made me really nervous, and in the past, my dad has used that fear to guilt me out of asking for things. For example, one summer, I was going to do a three-week teen Shakespeare program, but then my dad told me how much money it'd be at the dinner table, like, "Are you sure you want this?" and of course I said I didn't want to do it anymore. No mention of how good we had it then!

(I wound up doing the teen Shakespeare thing the next two summers, and it was amazing.)

Another time, more recently, my phone broke and I was trying to decide which one to replace it with. I was shown two phones in particular. I liked one better than the other, and I kept remarking about how nice it was, to which my dad kept responding, "It'd better be!", and when I said that it was the phone I wanted, my dad pointed to the price (he wanted me to get the somewhat cheaper one). I panicked a little and changed my mind, saying that I wanted the other one. Then, however, my parents changed their minds, saying that I should get the first one after all, and when I kept saying the second one was fine, they acted like I was just being weird. I wound up getting the first one, but the whole scenario left a bitter taste in my mouth.

What am I even getting at here? I just started ranting...

I guess my takeaways are that:

My parents (or at least my dad) weren't too keen on giving me and my cousin money when we were kids

Some things I thought were normal were actually the result of having strict parents (god, it's still feels weird to call them strict; surely truly strict parents would be much worse, right?)

That kid from "7.50 Once A Week" is loaded by today's standards

Ugh, I feel bad writing all this about my parents without the full context of all the nice things they've done for me and how great they usually are. I feel like I'm slandering them for things that don't really matter and shouldn't have ever made me upset...

Where am I even going with this? I'm gonna stop now

[dragons-and-dwarves-are-nice]

To the Shadows that Cry Witch /// Chapter 20

*Rises from the dead* Good evening. So I honestly should've put this fic on hiatus because I haven't updated in a hot minute (cough3monthscough). But having to hand in a Presentation, Essay, Video AND portfolio, all within two weeks of each other kinda made me forget lol. Uni is so hard pls send help. Anyway, I've made this one longer to make up for lost time, and I decided this won't be the last chapter of Part 2, I'm now planning on doing two more to fit in everything I've planned, and the good thing is that I have no work to do for the next 2 weeks so I can just work on this non stop. Hopefully you'll be seeing me again soon lol. Enjoy! <3

Summary: Magic was real, but it came at a price. So when two girls end up in the one place they never thought they could reach, strange things began to happen. Good or bad? That's up to them to find out.

Tags: Kili x oc/reader - Fili x oc (POV to be written soon) - Thorin's company × ocs/reader (platonic) - fluff - angst - EXTREME slow burn - crack - Bagginshield

Word Count: 8465

Warnings: Paranormal encounters, swearing, being chased by giant snakes if you aren't a fan of that.

Taglist - comment or message to be added!

PLEASE START FROM THE BEGINNING IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY OK LOVE U

Want some background music? Check out my Soundtrack Playlist!

Now available on Wattpad and AO3 (please let me know if links aren't working)

< Chapter 19 // Chapter 20 // Chapter 21 >

Part 2: Chapter 20 -

Yer a wizard. Sorry, witch.

Minatory (Definition): Having a menacing quality; Threatening. (Adjective / Origin: Late Latin /ˈmɪnət(ə)ri )

Bag End, Hobbiton, The Shire – T.A. Friday, 18th November 2939 of the Third Age (Highday, 28th Blotmath, 1339 in Shire-reckoning)

“Annnd, there we go.” Kay huffed, both of us letting out a sigh of relief as we lowered a passed out Bilbo into his armchair. Lifting the blanket that was drying by the fire, I shook it out, before draping it over the unconscious hobbit, tucking it over his shoulders.

We both took a step back, waiting for him to wake up, when a fist impacted with my shoulder.

“OW!” I cried, bringing my hand up to rub at the spot. “The hell was that for?!”

Kay shoved a finger in my face, glaring up at me. “That – was for levitating me! Upside-down of all things!”

“It’s not like I wanted to! And I didn’t expect for it to actually work!”

All she did was grumble, crossing her arms as she stared at Bilbo.

“…  You can do the same at one point in return?” I offered.

“Oh, I will be, just you wait.”

I sighed in exasperation, before focusing on the problem at hand.

“Should I make some tea? For when he wakes up.” I suggested.

“Yea, that’ll be nice. I’ll stay here in case he wakes up.” She replied.

I nodded, turning on my heel and wandering through to the kitchen. Hooking the kettle over the open fire, I prepared three mugs along with some tea leaves in a straining bag. Staring at the exposed bricks lining the fireplace, I let my mind wander as I tried to figure out what to say, my hands absentmindedly turning the mug as I listened to the kettle’s whistle grow louder.

Within 5 minutes I was done, and just in time, as I managed to walk back through just when Bilbo had begun to stir. Lowering the tray onto the small table by the fire, I knelt down in front of Bilbo’s chair, his steaming mug of chamomile in my hands.

His eyes flickered open, blinking rapidly as he tried to adjust to the low light. Spotting us, he gasped as he shot up, everything seemingly coming back to him.

I quickly shoved the mug towards him, and that managed to calm him down slightly as he settled back into his chair, bringing his hands from beneath the blanket to take the hot beverage from my hands.

Taking a small sip, he lowered the tea onto his lap, and took a deep breath.

“What,- in Yavanna’s name… where you doing!!?”

I gave him straight lined smile, clasping my hands together.

“That’s the thing.” I said, shrugging as my eyes focused on the fire. “We don’t know.”

He spluttered, his head jerking back in confusion and frustration. “Wh – d – don’t know?? What do you mean you don’t know??”

Kay shoved at my shoulder as she sat down on the floor next to me. “What Kate was meant to say,” She explained, deadpanning at me before turning to the poor hobbit. “Was that it was an accident, we were joking about something and she didn’t mean to send me floating into the ceiling.”

Bilbo frowned so hard that his eyes had scrunched shut, placing his mug on the table. “And what, pray tell, could you have possibly been joking about that made Kay levitate into the air.”

I nodded slowly as my eyes darted around in thought. “About sending her floating into the ceiling.” I stated, shrugging as if it was obvious.

Bilbo dropped his head into his hands with a loud groan of anguish, whilst Kay drew her lips between her teeth to try and hide her smile.

I fiddled with my fingers, watching as Bilbo’s head rose back up, dropping back onto the cushion of his armchair as he stared into space, his eye-bags looking more prominent than ever.

“Okay, just.. fetch one of your cakes, I need to eat something after all that.” He sighed, closing his eyes.

I quickly replied with an ‘ok’, getting to my feet and strolling over to the pantry, retrieving the cake, then to the kitchen to get three plates, forks and a knife.

Handing Bilbo his slice of cake, me and Kay sat down on the armchairs opposite, placing our own plates on our laps. Minutes passed where only the crackling of the fire and clinking of forks against plates could be heard. But it wasn’t long before Bilbo spoke up again.

“Do you really not know what’s going on?” He asked, tilting his head slightly as he looked over at us.

Kay shook her head. “This is just as new to us as it is to you. We’re trying to figure out why, but it’s been difficult.”

“I can imagine.” He replied. “If I started accidentally levitating things, I wouldn’t dare to show my face until I knew how to control it.”

“We have somewhat managed to control it, though” I added.

“Oh, I know that.” Bilbo reassured with a shake of his head. “Otherwise Kay would still be stuck to the ceiling.” He joked, much to Kay’s chagrin.

“You don’t need to worry about us, though.” I said, voice muffled by a mouthful of cake. “I know we’re ‘barely adults’ according to you, but we do have some idea of how to look after ourselves.”

Bilbo nodded. “I’m sure you can, but then again, you said yourselves that you don’t know how to navigate this world properly. I just want to make sure you’re both safe. The Shire is a very comfortable place to live, but once you step out its borders, I can guarantee you two wouldn’t last a day.” He stated, prodding his knee with his finger to emphasise each word.

Kay raised her hands in mock surrender, “You’ve got us there.” I pointed a finger at her in agreement whilst staring at the rug.

“But…” I raised my head to look at Kay as she spoke. “Could we possssibly go to the forest? To try and figure this all out??” Bilbo instantly deadpanned. “It saves us accidentally blowing a hole in your wall!”

He reeled back. “You can do that?!?!”

She nodded. “Well – I haven’t, exactly.” She straightened up, pointed a finger at me. “But Kate has!”

I whirled round, a betrayed look on my face. “Are you trying to rat me out?!”

“YOU BLEW A HOLE IN MY WALL?!?!” cried Bilbo.

“NO! I BLEW A TREE UP, NOT YOUR HOUSE!” I cried back.

“WHY WOULD YOU NEED TO BLOW UP A TREE!”

“I DIDN’T MEA – ugh, I can’t be asked with this.” I groaned, rubbing my face. “Look, I didn’t do it on purpose, it was in self de – no, right, I picked up a stick, and accidentally knocked it against something, which caused a spark to fly out the end and blow up a tree.”

The hobbit tossed his hands into the air. “And my day just keeps getting weirder and weirder.” He breathed a deep sigh. “Ok fine, you can go to the forest, BUT, I’m going with you.” Kay groaned from beside me. “No, none of that. The last time I let you both out on your own, you almost froze to death after going for a midnight swim, I’m not having that happen again.”

We both slumped in our chairs, nodding reluctantly. Satisfied, Bilbo nodded to himself, before standing from his chair and walking slowly to the door.

“Right, well – I’m off to bed. We can discuss this further over breakfast tomorrow.” He paused in the doorway, twisting around to look at us both. “And uh.. thank you,” He said, gesturing to the tea and blanket in his arms. “For taking care of me.”

We both nodded at him with a smile, Kay muttering a ‘You’re welcome’. He returned the expression, before disappearing into the hallway.

“Well, that went a lot better than I thought.” Said Kay, turning to retrieve her own tea.

My head jerked around instantly from where I was facing the fireplace, my face twisted in both confusion and offence. “Easy for you to say. I almost got kicked out because you made him think I was renovating his home!”

“Well that sounds like a you problem, doesn’t it?” She said over her shoulder as she walked towards the doorway.

I went to retort, but quickly noticed which direction she was going in. “NUH UH, don’t think I haven’t forgotten what I said earlier.”

Kay stopped, punching the air in frustration. She spun around, inching towards the doorway. “But it’s so pointless!” She whined. “And it disappears when you’re around anyway!”

I looked over my shoulder, squinting my eyes at her. “Are you saying ghost hunting’s pointless? I am both shocked and offended.” I mockingly turned my nose up at her, walking through the doorway to my room. “And about to sacrifice your Hello Kitty.”

Footsteps followed me instantly. “If you do I’m sacrificing Toothless.”

I paused, my hand on the doorknob to my room. Glaring over my shoulder, I pouted grumpily, before twisting the handle and stepping in. “Fine, I’ll smelt your jewellery down instead.”

I could practically feel Kay gape at me as she lightly punched my shoulder. She walked over and sat on my bed, watching as I rummaged through my drawers. “What are we doing in here anyway, I thought we were sleeping in my room?”

“That–” I grunted as I struggled to reach under a pile of stuff. “-is a good question – aha!” I pulled out my small wooden chest. “But I thought I would bring this to try and work out how to protect us.”

Kay sighed, crossing her arms as she looked up at me. “Okay, so, you know how to do that?”

“Of course.” I replied with a grin. “Protection spells are the first thing you should learn about as a practitioner. It’s witchcraft 101.”

I unhooked the clasps on the box, opening it up and picking something out and handing it to Kay. She took it in her hands looking at it confused. “The protection is a Christmas bauble?”

“It does look like one, but no, that’s a Rowan cross.” I explained, taking it out of her hands and lifting it up to the candlelight.

The object consisted of two dark twigs, specifically from a rowan tree, tied in a cross by some thick, woolly, red string that formed a diamond, with dried rowan berries glued to the centre of the shape. At the end of one the twigs was a red ribbon, tied so it could be hung up.

“They’re normally hung in doorways, to ward off negative energy and wrong-doers.” I gestured to my doorway, Kay turning to spot an identical cross hung on a nail on the wooden beam. “I did it the week I had the thing appear in my wardrobe, and luckily, it seems to be working.”

Kay turned back round, eyeing the cross in my hand, before quickly snatching it. “So I just hang this in my doorway and it’ll go away?”

“Maybe,” I said, uncertain. “It’s already activated, but I doubt it’ll be strong enough to get rid of it, so I want to see if it’ll upset it, so it can show itself and we can work out what it is for sure.”

Kay nodded, slinking off the bed to join me on the floor. “Okay then, show me what to do.”

I held up the cross. “We’ll start, by hanging this in your doorway.”

---

Loud knocking echoed through the hallway as I hammered the nail into the beam of wood above Kay’s doorway. Kay was deeper in the house, near Bilbo’s room, to check if he had been woken up by the noise. The final bang resounded through the still air, and she peeked one last time round the door, and saw the Hobbit remain in a deep sleep, much to her relief. Pulling the handle until she heard the door close with a soft click, she returned to watch me as I hung the cross, the almost-black branches contrasting strongly against the warm wood as it hung in the centre of the beam. Taking a step back, I nodded in satisfaction, walking over to the chest of drawers to put down the hammer we had nicked from Bilbo’s gardening tools, before turning to Kay.

“This will hopefully do something whilst we wait for the right moon phase to come round.” I said. “Or it’ll upset it and you end up being haunted for the rest of your life.”

“It better not,” Kay replied. “Otherwise you’ll be having a permanent roommate until it’s gone.”

Soon enough, the candles around the room were blown out, all except one, that currently sat on the vanity, its flickering casting the odd shadow here and there.

We both laid there under the covers in our nightgowns, Toothless and Hello Kitty in hand, glancing around diligently, looking for anything out of the ordinary. When almost an hour had passed by, we slowly settled down to the sound of the crickets outside, burrowing deeper into the covers as sleep threatened to take over. I had just closed my eyes for a minute, trying to rest them as faint colours danced behind my eyelids, when the crickets went quiet. Thinking Kay had gotten up to close the window, I pressed myself further under the covers. That was, until a hand shot out and latched onto my arm.

I jumped out of my skin, eyes shooting open, only to be met with darkness. It felt deathly cold, the candle had somehow gone out, and, what was hopefully Kay, was currently gripping onto me like a lifeline. Luckily, the curtains had drifted apart from the wind slightly, and the glow of the waning crescent in the sky shone through the cracks. Thin wisps of smoke from the extinguished candle floated in front of where I was laid on my side, facing the wall. Following it to try and spot the candle, my eyes moved across the room, when they flicked into a corner. I would’ve missed it completely, if it weren’t for the rattling breath it let out.

It just stood there, looking half solid but casting no shadows, it’s long thin arms held straight up in the air as it stared with deep hollow sockets and a gaping mouth hanging open wide enough for me to almost fit my head into. It had no teeth, no eyebrows or hair, just dark, grey, dusty skin. All it did was stand there. And stare. And I couldn’t move.

All I could do was stare back.

It felt like hours as I sat there half-laid on my elbow, feeling the ache settle into the joint but unable to move. It wasn’t moving either, not even one of its long, sharp-looking fingers twitching as it held its appendages up as if it had been stretched up with invisible chains.

Kay wasn’t moving either, but was shaking profusely, her hand imprinting into my skin as she gripped onto me like a vice. I wasn’t any better, the thing in front of me making all my paranormal experiences from my childhood seem like a joke.

It wasn’t until Kay’s nails dug in that I moved, keeping my eyes locked onto the ghostly creature as I reached behind me, and gritting my teeth, dragged the pillow from behind. As soon as I felt Kay’s hand release my arm, I shot up and launched it as hard as I could at its face. The pillow soared through the air, and within a second, the creature had vanished into thin air, the candle on the vanity flickering back to life before the pillow even hit the wall.

It dropped to the floor with a muffled thump as light enveloped the room once again, and we both sat there, staring at the corner with wide, terrified eyes. A creak sounded from within the house’s structure, snapping us out of the trance as warmth swept back in.

“I don’t think the cross worked.” Kay whispered shakily.

“… Let’s go sleep in my room.”

--

The Next Day

Silence was all that could be heard, except for the clinking and scraping of utensils against plates and bowls. Kay and I sat slumped at the kitchen table, deep bags under our bloodshot eyes as we squinted at our half-eaten breakfasts.

Bilbo was quite the opposite, looking as chipper as ever after a full nights-sleep as he finished the last few mouthfuls of his meal with a satisfied huff. Untucking the napkin from the collar of his night-shirt, he placed it on the table, looking between us with a smile.

I tried my best to hide a wide yawn behind my hand whilst placing my fork down, unable to finish the meal, when he piped up.

“So, who fancies going down to the market today? I heard there’s a new flower stall being set up.”

All I could do was push my plate away, dropping my head down onto the table with a loud ‘thunk’. Kay wasn’t any better, her head tilted back as she slowly fell asleep in her chair.

The hobbit let out a sigh. “Couldn’t sleep?”

All he got was a groan in response.

----------------------

Bag End, Hobbiton, The Shire – T.A. Friday, 23rd November 2939 of the Third Age (Hevensday, 3rd Foreyule, 1339 in Shire-reckoning)

“Bilbo, are you sure you want to go with us?”

Kay and I sat on the rug by the front door, wrapped up in several layers of winter-wear – gloves, shawls, knitted scarves and all. We were preparing to leave for the forest, determined to figure out our wands in a safe environment, said objects hidden in our deep skirt pockets. Earlier, as we were sat lacing up our boots, a shivering Bilbo had walked through the door, ingredients for dinner in his bag. Within a second he had demanded to go with us, refusing to budge and reminding us of the agreement from five days ago. Which led to now.

“Yes, I’m perfectly sure!” he grunted from where his head resided in the large chest down the hallway, looking for his scarf. “We made an agreement, and even if we didn’t, I’m certainly not leaving you two to wander into the fog when the clouds have been threatening to snow all week!” He stormed past us, flinging the scarf around his neck, simultaneously hitting me in the face with it from where I was sat, sending Kay into a fit of laughter as I spluttered about. Swinging the door open to reveal the foggy evening scene outside, he gestured expectantly. “Hurry now, it’ll be getting dark in a couple hours.”

Grabbing the leather messenger bag containing my Grimoire and a few other materials, we were ushered out. The freezing chill hit us almost immediately, like Jack Frost had decided to practice acupuncture with a thousand ice needles. Twisting my scarf, I pulled part of it over my head whilst bunching the rest around my chin until it reached my nose.

Walking down, the two of us stood by Bilbo’s front gate, waiting as he struck a match, lighting the same lantern he had used when he found us in his bushes, bringing forth a flurry of those not-so-great memories. Stuffing the matchbox in his pocket, he pulled the door closed, before following the short path down to us.

Reaching us, he held an arm out, gesturing down the path. “Alright,” he said, his voice muffled by the scarf. “I don’t know where you guys want to go, so lead the way.”

Kay looked at me expectantly, and so, I begun to retrace the steps I had taken that eventful night.

---

The sun had already begun to set when we arrived, and I noted that the forest looked at lot less intimidating during the daylight hours. Rounding a relatively dense pack of bushes, I came across a very familiar sight.

Rotting splinters of bark and branches littered the ground, along with the fallen half of the tree, now slowly being covered with moss and rotting leaves that had fallen in the last few weeks of Autumn. Memories from what happened a month ago came flowing back, and I grimaced when my eyes finally landed on the jagged stump, sticking out the ground like a giant clawed hand with a hundred sharp fingers.

I turned to face the others, gesturing with my hands in a half shrug. “Well this is where it happened.”

Kay stared at the stump with wide eyes. “Ok, I’ll admit I was exaggerating when I said you blew it up. I didn’t think you actually did.”

Bilbo was silent. His eyes were practically bulging out of his head as he gawked at the scene in front of him. “How?” Was all he could utter, the whisper barely heard over the chatter of the forest.

“That’s exactly what I’ve been asking myself this whole time.” I said equally confused, wandering over to another familiar tree. “I found my wand, and was making my way back, when I turned around, knocking it against this tree.” I acted it out, pretending to hit something against the tree, my hand lining up with a very obvious burn mark embedded onto the bark, like someone had set off a firework in close proximity next to it. “Then - ” My hand pointed from the burn, over to the broken stump. “Voila, tree bomb.”

“Bomb?” Bilbo said perplexed.

“Think firework, but with a bigger explosion, and use it as a weapon.” Explained Kay from beside him.

All the poor hobbit could do was look up at her in horror, before looking between us both warily. “And – And that thing, can create something like that?”

I nodded. “But only if you choose to. This was a complete accident.”

Bilbo nodded silently, looking as if he was going to faint again. But he suddenly seemed to calm down, fiddling with his fingers whilst peering up at me apprehensively.

“Do you… think you could do it again? But smaller?”

Both of our mouths fell open in shock, before I let out a guffaw.

“Bilbo Baggins! Are you secretly rebellious?!” I gasped out.

His ears flushed a deep red. “No! I – I just-” He dropped his head bashfully. “This all just reminds me of when I was younger, and of Gandalf and his fireworks.”

“Mhm sure.” Said Kay, putting her hands on her hips as she looked down at the pouting hobbit. “Well we’re not going to blow up another poor tree, but we could show you something else? I’ve been meaning to try out my wand for ages now.” She reached into her skirt pocket, pulling it out.

I pulled out mine, weighing it in my hand as I thought of what to do next. “Can you think of any spells for wands?” I asked Kay as I walked over.

She shrugged. “Only the ones we wrote down from you-know-what. It worked the other day.”

I tilted my head in confusion. “You-know-what?”

“You know, the story about magic from our place that we can’t talk about because we get strangled by air?” She replied.

I nodded in realisation, then my eyes moved about in thought, before I slowly turned my head to a small pile of dead leaves nearby. Kay darted her eyes at me, following my line of sight before they landed on where I was looking.

“What are you thinking – ?”

I lifted my arm up and pointed my wand. “Incendio.”

“Absolutely not.” The pile of leaves burst into flame. “KATE FOR FUCKS SAKE.”

She stormed over to the pile, stamping on it until all that was left was a pile of blackened smouldering leaves. “Being a borderline pyromaniac does not give you an excuse to set everything on fire!”

All I did was smile impishly in response, hiding my wand behind my back. “Now you try.”

Kay huffed, pointing her own wand whilst thinking about her next move. I skipped over to Bilbo, who seemed like he was struggling to keep himself upright.

“You okay? We sorta forgot about you for a second there.” I said softly, crouching down to be more eye-level with him.

He blinked, seemingly snapping himself out of something. “O-oh, yes! It’s just not every day you gets involved in something as interesting as this.”

He gestured to my wand with a far-away look, and at that moment, he looked almost smaller, burying the lower half of his face into the thick scarf wrapped around his neck as he stared. Though in a flash he was shaking his head. “But you two have something you need to do, right?”

I blinked at his sudden mood-swing, but quickly let it go. “Oh, yes, we do.”

I reached to my hip, swivelling the messenger bag to the front of my body and flipping it open. Grabbing my Grimoire out of one of the pockets, I flipped through the pages as Bilbo tilted his head to try and read the words from his angle. Finally landing on a page, I came across an old envelope I had stuck in. Lifting the flap, I pulled out a piece of lined paper, torn from Kay’s notebook days earlier containing the list of spells we had tried to recall. It seemed silly, that spells from a book series would work, but they did, and we weren’t complaining.

Unfolding and smoothing the thin sheet out, I scoured the list, noting down the ‘safe’ spells we had circled. Whilst Bilbo looked over my shoulder at the paper, I called out to Kay. “Alright! I guess we’ll start you out with the easiest first spell.” Scouring the area, my eyes landed on a small log and I pointed at it. “Try levitating that log.”

Kay took a stance, before taking a deep breath, setting her stern eyes on the log. Reaching her wand out, she waved it with a swish and a flick, muttering the charm under her breath. Soon enough, the log began to rise, fallen leaves sliding off and floating to the ground as it hovered in the air.

Kay screamed in excitement, throwing her hands in the air as she beamed at her accomplishment. She whirled around to face us, the log dropping to the ground with a thud as she did. “Did you see that?!?!” she squealed, jumping on the spot as her hands cupped her face in shock.

I nodded enthusiastically, whilst Bilbo simply gawked at the now unmoving log.

“Tha – how? How did yo – That was incredible!” he gasped.

Kay nodded dramatically, her copper hair flopping over her face as she did. She quickly beckoned me over, and I handed the list to Bilbo.

“I don’t suppose you could read out the circled ones?” I said, pointing at the words. He looked up, nodding with a nervous smile.

Thanking him, I brought him with me to stand between me and Kay. Raising my wand, I tried out the levitating spell, watching in excitement as the log rose once again, before slowly lowering down. Then me and Kay both raised our wands, waiting for Bilbo to read out the first spell.

“Okay, so Ag – oh Yavanna what in Middle Earth does that say?? Ag – Aguam – A-goo-ah… men..tee??”

“Aguamenti?” Kay suggested.

“Yes, that!” He replied.

“Ok,” I said. “let’s do that one.”

Pointing our wands ahead, we both said the charm. It didn’t work at first, which was expected, but Kay managed hers on the second try, water shooting out like a jet and giving the bush several metres away a shower. I managed on my third try, but we both found it difficult to get it to stop, but after pulling our wands away while visualising the intention of stopping, it worked.

Turning to Bilbo, we both waited patiently for the next challenge. Drawing his attention away from the large puddle we had created in front of him, he scoured the list.

“Right, well erm…”

---

The spell trial went almost perfectly, the log now lost amongst the bushes after I’d flung my wand about too hard and sent it flying. Some spells had been easy to do, the two of us managing them after the second or third try, but, as expected, the more complex ones took longer, taking up to twenty tries at certain points, and some were straight up impossible to do.

After realising that not all of them could be done, we tried our best to improve the basic ones as much as we could. I exceeded with the fire spell, pointing my wand around and setting random leaves and dead bushes on fire, whilst Kay was more skilled with water, following me around as she shot at each fire I set, putting them out before they grew, and also threatening to shoot me in the face if I carried on.

--

Darkness was already setting in as we decided to head back, the couple hours if spellcasting draining us more than we expected. Bilbo held out his lantern, watching as I excitedly lit it with a spell, and we began our trek back.

We had travelled back about a quarter of the way, when Kay caught up with me.

“Hey, I don’t suppose we could go to the lake?” She asked, and I faced her with a curious look. “ I want to visit where I found my wand, and see if I can figure out what happened to me.”

I nodded, and looked to Bilbo who was ahead lighting the way. “Hey Bilbo?” I called out, receiving a humin response. “Could we quickly pop to the lake? We just wanna check something out real quick.”

He let out a sigh, but reluctantly gave in. “Fine, but we must be no longer than ten minutes. I want to make it back to make dinner on time.”

Thanking him, we sped up, speed-walking until we hit the main path, taking a few detours that would take us the long way to Bilbo’s house, that would also pass the lake.

By the time we got there, it was already dark, the sun setting earlier in the deep winter months. Approaching the black water, it had already began to re-freeze, new ice expanding from the half melted sheets from last night, one that was so cold, the three of us took shifts waking up to add wood and stoke the fires around the house all night.

Frosty reeds swayed in the icy wind, the breeze biting at our exposed skin more than ever as we peered into the rippling depths of the lake.

“Girl I am glad I didn’t have to drag you out in this weather.” I mumbled to Kay, keeping out of earshot of the hobbit who was currently stood on the path part-ways up a bank, about ten metres away.

“I am too. Neither of us would’ve survived that night if it was like this.” She replied with a shiver.

“Do you remember anything that happened between you leaving and waking up?” I questioned.

Kay was quiet for a moment. “…Not really, I remember what I had already told you, but everything after that had gone black, like I was back in that void we ended up in, on the bridge back in our world.” She paused. “Actually, it’s not much, but there were a couple times when I could feel myself try to wake up, once when I was stood at the edge, and the other when I was at the bottom of the lake. But it was all blurry, like someone was holding up a TV covered in frosted glass on the other side of a room I couldn’t reach.”

“Are you two going to take long?” Bilbo called over the wind, holding his lantern up higher for us to see better. “We do really need to get back.”

I gave him a thumbs up, turning back to the water as I stepped onto the familiar small pebble beach, standing just where the miniscule waves lapped at the tips of my boots. Kay soon joined me, trying to look beneath the surface with the limited light.

“I don’t think we’re going to find anything tonight.” She sighed, dejectedly. “Actually, I don’t think we’ll be finding anything for a while, because I’d rather eat a mouthful of raw chicken covered in dog sick than swim outside in December. Or January. Or February, for that matter.”

“I agree.” I mumbled back, side-eying the frozen death-trap in front of us. “Let’s just go back and stick our hands and feet into the nearest fire. We can figure this out another time.”

I went to turn back, when Kay shot out her hand to latch onto my arm for what felt like the hundredth time.

“Do you have a personal vendetta against this arm or something?” I poked, facing her. “At this point we don’t need matching tattoos cuz your handprint will do just that.”

All she did was slap at my shoulder, silencing me whilst refusing to look my way as she reached out to point across the water.

“What? – ” Another slap. I quickly quietened down and squinted at the darkness in front of me. Though I didn’t have to look for long.

Looking across, the bank at the opposite end of the lake would’ve been lost in darkness, if it weren’t for the large blue shape glowing from where it sat in the grass.

I instantly felt fear pierce down my spine as recognition hit me in the chest, but confusion wormed its way in as I took a closer look at the shape. No wings, or legs, just one long body, and amongst the coil of scales, a head covered in a multitude of bony and sharp-looking spines.

A snake.

And – excuse my language – a real fucking big one at that.

Like, thirty, fourty feet long?? And body thick enough for me to not even wrap my arms around it! And from beside me, I heard Kay whisper out one word.

“Basilisk.”

I slowly began to back away. “Yea, Basilet’s get the fuck out of here.” I hissed, tugging at her arm.

Luckily, it hadn’t seen us, the light of Bilbo’s lantern blending in with the street lanterns that flickered up in the hills, and said hobbit was not noticing a thing, too busy staring up at the stars as he waited.

The pebble beach rose slightly at the end where it met the grass, so I tried my best to take a huge step up it as silently as I could. Kay went to do the same, but was still staring behind her at the snake, and her foot didn’t go as high, scraping against the small bank, causing some pebbles to dislodge, their noise carrying across the water as they fell.

We both froze, tensing at the sound, stock still as we waited for the last pebble to finish its journey down. When it was silent again, we both slowly turned to see if it had heard us. It hadn’t, and it carried on hunting for something in the tall grass.

We both let out a sigh of relief, most of the tension leaving our body as we silently began making our way over to Bilbo.

The hobbit was still staring at the night sky, his hand raised as his finger absentmindedly pointed up and moved about slightly, most likely trying to make out the constellations. He slowly turned on the spot, not seeing the wooden fence post next to him, and the lantern collided against it, letting out a loud ‘clank’ that echoed through the crisp air.

The snake’s head shot up, detecting the soundwaves. Flicking it’s tongue out, it scoured the area for only a moment, before its slitted eyes were on us. Bearing its glowing orbs into ours, the three of us had a staring match for the next few seconds. I blinked, and in a flash, it lowered its head. I blinked again, and it was already sliding into the water. Directly towards us.

“Ok, we’ve got to go.” I stated shakily, and shot my hand out to grab Kay, hauling her forward, and the both of us began sprinting.

Clambering up the hill, my hands dug into the mud and gripped onto slippery grass blades until we reached the path, where I reached my arm around the waist of an unsuspecting Bilbo. He let out a yelp as I snatched him up, almost dropping the lantern in his hands.

“What. Are. You. Doing????” He strained out as his arms and legs jumped up and down with each step.

“Just uhhh – ” I heaved between breaths. “Me and Kay decided to race back?? Didn’t want to leave you behind.”

“Well at least give me a warning next time??” He scolded, and I gave him a nod in reply, before speeding up as much as I could with the extra weight.

Up and up the winding paths we ran, skipping some as we jumped and scrambled up the banks between to try and make short-cuts. At this point the snake had crossed the lake, breaking the water without a ripple as it slithered up the banks, gaining speed with every second.

I slipped on the icy ground over and over as we sped up the path, my panic causing my clumsiness to increase tenfold, and only having my non-dominant arm free didn’t help. To our luck, we rounded the corner, losing sight of the creature, but not losing sound as a guttural hiss pierced the air.

“What was that?” Bilbo demanded, his own nerves starting to settle in as he tried to twist in my arms to look behind.

“No clue.” Kay quickly replied from just behind me, the noise motivating her to speed up even more, her hand pressing against the back of my shoulder blades as she helped usher me along.

“Uhh, I think you do?” he jabbed back.

“We don’t have time for this, cmon!” Kay pushed, exasperated at Bilbo, who only replied with an arched brow.

The warm light from Bilbo’s windows soon appeared, and we pushed the last bits of adrenaline to get us up the garden path and slam against the circular door, swinging it open and crashing onto the floor in the doorway.

The moment didn’t last though, as I was up in a flash and hauling the door shut, pressing my back against it. Flailing my hand out, I beckoned for Kay to come over.

She did, joining me by the small circle window next to the door, the two of us trying to peer through the pieces of paned glass into the darkness outside.

We both stilled as our sights set on the blue glow that grew brighter and brighter on the left, and it wasn’t long before a large head came into view, the snake’s entire body lowered to the ground as it slowly slid silently along the path in front of Bilbo’s fence.

It slowed as it neared the gate, and the two of us lowered ourselves until our eyes were just peeking over the top, thankful that the entrance hall wasn’t lit as we hid in the darkness of the house.

I caught movement in the corner of my eye, and peered to the left, only to see Bilbo stood at the opposite window, frozen with wide eyes as he stared out at the creature. Panic shot through me, as I realised his face was on full view in the window. And it seemed Kay had realised the same thing.

“Bilbo!!” she hissed as quietly as she could. The hobbit darted his head towards her, face full of fright. She waved her hand up and down, gesturing for him to lower himself from the window. “Get down!”

He did so, taking one last look at the creature before he darted down out of sight. I kept an eye on the window, watching the snake as it took one last look around, apparently deciding to call it a day, and turned, just like the winged creature had done with me, returning back down the hill, twisting and slithering until it disappeared over the edge and out of sight.

I let out a sigh of relief, slumping against the wall as I slid to the floor.

“Whuh – What??” Poor Bilbo was now hyperventilating, his mouth gaping open and shut as he tried to stammer out the words that caught in his throat.

Kay stood up, walking over and offering a hand, only to be met with Bilbo raising his hand to stop her. She did so, and we both watched as he quickly calmed his breathing, easing himself onto his feet. Bending over slightly with his hands on his hips, he took a few calming breaths, furrowing his brows as he blinked rapidly.

Kay went to open her mouth, only getting a sound out when Bilbo’s hand shot out again.

“No, no. I’ve seen quite enough.” He stated, looking up at the both of us sternly. I felt dread settle in my stomach as I watched a flurry of emotions cross the hobbits face. “I was quite happy with the magic, but this – this.” He gestured at the door with a flop of his arm. “I just – I’m going to bed.” He rubbed his hand across his face tiredly as he made his way down the hallway. “Goodnight.” He rounded the corner, leaving us in the entrance hall.

All we did was stare frozen at the door he left through, and I could feel my hands start to twist in my lap. A hand tapped my shoulder, and I looked up to Kay stood over me.

“C’mon,” she mumbled. “We need to go to bed too. We can worry about him in the morning.”

I nodded silently, feeling more unease settle in about the possibilities of tomorrow, praying to whatever Deity I had ever given offerings to that the worst wouldn’t happen. Getting to my feet, I slipped off my shoes and outer layer of winter wear, and trailed after Kay.

--

I didn’t get out of bed the next morning, too anxious to face the hobbit, fearing the worst outcome, which was us becoming homeless.

Kay wasn’t any better, having got up before the sun even rose to make us tea, disappearing back to my room before Bilbo could even stir. We were now both sat on the wide window ledge, cushions behind our backs, as we stared over the bushes of Bilbo’s garden and out across the rolling hills in the distance, listening to the morning birdsongs that floated through the blanket of mist that coated the ground, and drifted between the open windows along with the chill. We remained like that until lunchtime, wrapped in blankets and talking quietly, until there was a knock at my door.

The two of us turned our heads to face Bilbo as he stuck his head around the door, his eyes darting around slightly as he barely made eye-contact. We both waited silently, too nervous to speak.

Seeing that we weren’t going to talk first, Bilbo took a deep sigh, and stepped into the room, one hand still on the door.

“Look, I –” he began, rubbing his forehead. “I know last night I was… frustrated, but I know what I saw wasn’t your fault. It’s just that – it’s just, I feel like there’s always something going on with you two, and don’t get me wrong! What happens is harmless most of the time! But there have been points where my mind just…” he took a deep breath. “All of this overwhelms me, and I just want to know that you’re safe, I’m safe, along with everyone else. Because if this home ends up becoming dangerous, I don’t know if I can keep on pretending it’s all fine. Do you two understand what I’m saying?”

We both gave silent nods in reply, solemn looks on all of our faces as we absorbed his words.

“Now don’t you two go thinking that I’m blaming you for any of this.” He said, giving us a pointed look. “And it’s not like I haven’t enjoyed getting to know you both, and the trail of crazy things you’ve left behind since the moment you got here.” He gave a smile, walking over to where we were at the window. “Just tell me next time something like this happens, because I know you’re as clueless as I am about all this, if your research in those books you brought say anything.”

We both faced him fully, confusion on our faces.

“Wait, you’ve read my books??” I questioned.

He rocked back and forth on his heels, raising his eyebrows and nodding. “I’m very good at cleaning, I’ll have you know.” He lectured, waving a finger at me. “And you’re not very good at tidying your books away.”

I sighed at myself, a sheepish look on my face.

“The two of you are dealing with things completely unheard of in Middle Earth, from my knowledge anyway, Yavanna knows what someone like Gandalf has seen in his lifetime.” He mumbled to himself. “So this won’t be your eviction notice, for now.” He paused as he gave us a look, until a smile slowly rose onto his face. “Now up! You’ve missed breakfast, second breakfast, and elevensies, and at this point, you’ll be missing luncheon! How you two haven’t turned to skeletons yet is beyond me.” He nagged as he pattered away to the kitchen. A pause went by. “I know you two haven’t moved yet!” he called out, sending us into a frenzy as we chucked our blankets off and sped-walked after him.

--

Bilbo made sure to make a hearty luncheon, filled with pork pie, scotch eggs, tomato soup and vegetables to snack on. Most of it was spent chattering on about local events, and the latest gossip. At one point it was even interrupted by Erard ringing the bell, which caused me to shoot out of my seat to check if Bilbo hadn’t accidentally eaten the batch of cupcakes I had made for the doctor, much to the disgruntled mumbling that he ‘would never do such a thing’.

The meal was finished off with a slice of poppy seed cake, and as we were washing up, Bilbo turned to me, asking if he could discuss last night’s events with us.

“I thought we had already done that?” I asked, confused.

“Yes, but..” Bilbo trailed off in thought as he swept up the last of the crumbs on the table. “during my.. ‘accidental snooping’, I came across some methods for um.. spiritual protection, was it?”

I nodded slowly, choosing to forget that he had sneaked a look at my stuff. “Mhm, what did you want to know?”

We all sat down at the now clean table as he continued speaking. “I couldn’t help but wonder about how you’re going to.. deal with that-” he jabbed a finger at the window. “-thing. Considering you both ran from it, I’m taking a guess that it isn’t friendly.”

“Things.” Kay said quickly.

He blinked in confusion. “Excuse me?”

“Things.” She repeated nervously. “There’s two of them.”

The poor hobbit’s frown lines deepened on the spot, his eyebags seemingly darkening as he slowly dragged a hand across his face.

“Remind me to never take what I see as the whole thing with you two.” He groaned from behind his hand. “Or I’ll be in an early grave by the time I’m sixty at this point.”

“C’mon Bilbo.” I jived as I leaned back in my chair. “We wouldn’t let that happen to you.”

“I starting to find that hard to believe.” He sighed in response, staring at the window with tired eyes.

“Anyway,” Kay started, quickly moving the conversation on. “I’m guessing you want to know if were able to stop it.”

He nodded. “Get rid of them, even. I’m relatively okay with what’s going on, considering I’ve been expecting crazy things the moment I dragged you both in, but if anyone around us got any idea that two humans from… elsewhere, were causing a noticeable disturbance, they wouldn’t be so lenient. I mean, you saw how everyone was in the first few months, including myself!”

I grimaced. “Yea, getting twice as many stares and whispers as we did is definitely not on the agenda.”

“Don’t even get me started on my reputation in town!” he blurted. “I’d be the source of rumours until the day I die, I tell you!” he quickly realised his words. “U-Uh not that it matters more! Anyway! Anyway, what I was saying before.” He flapped his hands around as if the brush away his last comment. “I saw something hanging above Kay’s doorway, and uh..” he pointed his finger in the direction of Kay’s room slightly, eyes flitting hesitantly between us and the doorway. “I was wondering what that was?”

“Oh! That’s a.. rowan cross?” Kay answered, eyeing me for confirmation, to which I nodded.

Bilbo nodded, almost sighing in relief.

“What?” I prodded playfully. “Did you think it was a Satan symbol or something?”

He scrunched his face in confusion. “What’s a Satan?”

“Uh… nevermind.” I said, dropping the subject before we instilled more fear into him. “The Rowan Cross just works as a ward for nasty spirits and people, but it won’t work against those things forever, until we figure out what they are, and I don’t think we ever will, unless we can find someone who can help us or give us some ideas.”

Kay perked up slightly. “Like Gandalf?”

I nodded, rubbing my lip in thought. “He could probably help, but it’s not like we know where he is.”

Kay slumped in her chair with a huff at the reality, until a thought came to her mind. “We could… wait to see if he shows up?” she suggested, with a hardly detectable tone of ‘You know what I’m talking about, right?’. I gave her a subtle look of realisation.

“I guess.” I said as ideas came to mind. “And we could improve our skills in the meantime? See if the use of magic can draw him to us somehow?”

Kay nodded in excitement, whilst Bilbo sat trying to decipher the conversation.

“Wait what?” he said in confusion. “You want to wait until Gandalf comes here? How do you know he will?”

“No idea.” Said Kay with a shrug. “But it’s our best shot without wandering into the wilderness and straight up dying.”

“In the meantime..” I piped up as the two turned to me. “I don’t suppose at some point during the next few months, we could take a trip to Bree?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Hey girlypopd luv ur fics im from ur Wattpad account so mby I get favoritism jk but I rly rly luv ur Freddyxchubby reader bc I’m self obsessed an I think everything is about me but anyway I rly need more serotonin in life an hope this isn’t too much but can I get angst like a lot mby a little tiny bit of the self harmy stuff pls sry I hav problems an if ur uncomfortable writing that i totally get that Luv u <3

Girlll, don't you talk to ME about angst, you are looking at the QUEEN of thinking of overly angsty scenarios😙🤞🏽♡. Also, ty for the compliments on my previous work, ilyily it literally throws me over the moon (no, not you, Moon🥴💀💕). I really hope you enjoy thissss✨️!! Also, this totally doubles as a thank you for the artwork you did for us, I just *sobs♡*.

~ Star✨️

Not Your Fault

Prompt: Maybe it came from your own self-doubt. Or, maybe it stemmed from your parents and their need to overdo it with the scolding. Hell, maybe it was just something often reiterated to you by strangers. But, for as long as you could remember, things never seemed to go your way. More accurately, things never seemed to go right because of you. And it was only natural that you suffered the consequences of your own actions...

Even if it had to be by your own hand...

Timeline: Post S!: FOTG

TW/Content: Self harm (if that wasn't already heavily implied/said)⚡️AngstAngstAngstttt⚡️But then lots and lots of comfort⚡️Reader being cynical⚡️(very smol, dw) Thoughts/Talk/Mention of unaliveness, I think, but probably not⚡️Freddy being an absolute 😇💙saint💙😇 (most of the time)⚡️Readers parent(s)/sibling(s) being annoying

Reader: Fem! Reader She/Her/Hers Pronouns

Requested By: @lukkdukkyleak

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'Snap'

. . .

'Snap'

You were stuck. This was the third time this had happened to you this week. On your conclusion, no less; the very last paragraph of your essay. You'd sit down, open up your Google document, read over your own writing for the zillionth time until you got to where you had left off...

And then, with intention to finish it up, write the last few sentences or so, you'd urge yourself to get right to work. Just start writing. Get it done. Do it.

And yet, you just... couldn't. Writers' block had now become your mortal enemy, and you'd do anything to get rid of it. Because if you didn't, it'd leave you with nothing to turn in. If you didn't have a final paper to turn in, you'd automatically fail this English class.

If you failed this English class, you wouldn't graduate in the Spring. If you didn't graduate, you wouldn't be allowed to cross that stage and get your diploma. If you didn't get your diploma, your parents would surely be more than disappointed. In you, in themselves for actually thinking you could do it...

You'd have to repeat the school year, do it all over again, just to circle right back to this final English paper. And again, you'd get stuck in your own head, fighting a mental block you couldn't even defeat right now. The cycle would go on, and natrually, it'd be your own doing. Or rather, you own undoing.

Your own fault. All because you can't write a conclusion.

'Snap'

"Did you hear me?"

Your head whipped up in a flurry, letting go of the hair tie pulling against your wrist to create one final 'Snap'. An accidental one, which gained a short wince out of you at its unexpected sting before you could even speak.

The boy in front of you took this as a sign that you were distracted, happy to repeat himself while he closed his laptop in order to see you better.

"I said, 'Do you wanna go to (Favorite Fast-Food) after school?'."

"Oh." You hummed, your eyes shifting away from his chocolate brown ones and back to your screen. At its mention, you were suddenly craving (F/FF). But you also knew better than to let yourself get distracted when you didn't have to. What was most important was this essay, and if you procrastinated any longer, you'd surely miss the due date, and-

"I'll pay." Freddy quickly added, sensing your hesitancy from his own seat before lighting up even further at your scoff. A dismissive one, sure, but it came with a smile he found hard to hate; elated that he had been the cause.

"Please, you can barely afford to get your lunch every day."

"See, m'kay, that's where you're wrong, right?" Freddy began, speed-talking as per usual, which always caused your smile to grow. "(Y/N), I saved up for a whole week so I can literally get us whatever. Those silly little drinks you like? Done. Or-or fries, or whatever? Done. I will buy you the whole menu, try me."

"Okay, okay, I get it." You laughed, knowing he had already convinced you. Persuaded, sure...

...And yet...

"I would, Freds, really. But, I don't think I should."

His head tipped to the side in confusion, curls falling with which almost caused an 'aww' to leave your lips. He stared, doe-eyed, expecting his answer because you denying (F/FF) was a first. It was a bit surprising, but your reasoning, once given, was valid.

"I need to get this paper done. Tonight. If I don't, I'll just...worry about it forever, and I won't be able to focus. Another time?"

He smiled at your compromise, the heel of his foot bouncing up and down in his seat as if he just couldn't wait for whenever "another time" would be. Hopefully soon, sending about a thousand nods your way before speaking.

"Yeah, sure, no problem!"

The bell rung, students around you rushing to pack their things away now that they were no longer confined to the hell that was Fawcett Central. You did the same, not that you were exactly excited to return to your own home. Your hopes lied in the assumption that you'd be able to rush quickly to your room. Not to be bothered for the rest of the night as you finished up your work.

"But like, are you sure, though?"

You tossed your head back, a joking groan escaping your lips as the two of you squoze yourselves between people in the hallways. And still, he went on in hopes to further convince you because, as it turned out, the boy had very little patience to wait until "another time." Something that he wasn't even sure would come.

Plus, as one would expect, he was only following his brother's advice...

"If you really wanna spend time with her, just go for it. And don't let her flake out or play hard to get. It'll show her you're persistent, and girls usually like that type of stuff. Let's them know you care."

And of course Freddy cared about you! So...

"I'm just sayin'! It'd be fun, and y'know, maybe you need a break."

"Freddy..."

"Plus...!" He interjected before you could go on. "When have I ever steered you wrong?"

"H-"

"And don't say gym class, or the Winter Carnival, or that one time with the Breyers, or that other time with the Breyers, or the glitter bomb, or...The Incident™..." He listed off with haste, all different scenarios/times where he had most definitely steered you wrong.

"Those were all just horribly timed coincidences that have nothing to do with how I operate."

"Oh, is that so?" You challenged with an amused giggle, Freddy sending you an assertive smirk right back.

"Very much so."

"And how are you so sure of that?"

"Come with me," he taunted lightly, effortlessly cycling the conversation right back to his initial goal. "Let me whisk you away, (N/N)... and you'll find out."

You couldn't help but shake your head at the dork in front of you, trying your very hardest to hold in a flattered smile at his antics. Walking backward down the stone steps as if he wasn't one off-balanced wobble away from tipping over. Sending you pleading eyes and a goofy grin along with the use of a nickname.

With the break of your own toothy smile, he knew he had won you over before you even had to say anything.

"Fine, fine...I'll go."

"Yes, yes, yes-yes-yes, I love it when you agree with me!"

"But just tonight!" You reminded, pointing an index finger that he simply grabbed, interlocking his own with it. "I'm off limits tomorrow. And Sunday!"

"Yeah, sure, you got it. You have the rest of the weekend left to do..." He waved his free hand around wildly, looking for the words he never found before finishing.

"I dunno, whatever it is you do."

"Thank god." You sighed half-jokingly, earning you a laugh you never got tired of.

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

You were lucky to hear more of it, even if it wasn't in person. You reminded yourself of that over and over again as you walked home. Freddy insistent on the fact that even though he couldn't be there to walk you home himself, he'd at least stay on the phone with you until he knew you were safe.

But anyhow, you were repetitive on the fact that you had a good time, that you were lucky to listen to Freddy ramble on and on about tonight's prior festivities because of the simple fact that it had been keeping you distracted. Away from the troubling thoughts of guilt for not listening to your past self. Sure, you had a great time, but at what cost?

A waste of time to get your work done? No. No, no matter. It didn't matter now. You had done it, you had gone out and had a great time with your best friend. Now it was time to wind down and focus, return home and get your work done. You could still rely on yourself.

"Hey, it's late, I gotta go, Freds." You excused once your place had come into view.

"You make it home safe?" He double-checked, and you almost nodded, forgetting he wasn't physically there with you.

"Yeah, which is why I gotta go, dude."

"Alright, right, you're super duper busy, so I can't bother ya' anymore." He sighed through his words, smiling once he heard your quiet giggle on the other side of the line along with the jingle of your keys.

"I'll check on you Sunday."

"Wha-? Freddy, n-"

"Bye!"

And the line went dead, leaving you to purse your lips and scoff. It was a wonder you liked him, let alone had a whole crush on him, when he often times pushed at your boundaries. But, nonetheless, you were simply happy to know him at all, and-

No. No, focus. You were swift to set yourself straight, not wanting to get lost in your daydream-esque thoughts on the boy you'd been pining over for a couple of years now. That'd be your lamest reason yet on why you had deterred from your essay.

"(Y/N)...!!" The call of your name made you jump, erasing any thoughts you had about anything at all while attempting to pull yourself together at a reasonable speed. It ended with you anxiously tugging at the familiar blue hairtie around your wrist, not yet pulling it far enough back to release, but just enough to provide some odd comfort while your parent came tearing around the corner to your position in front of the door.

"Where have you been?" They asked, their tone laced with demand rather than actual worry as you stumbled to push out a viable excuse.

"I...was out with my friend, I just lost track of time."

"Mm." They hummed, never really truly satisfied with any answer you might've given as they looked you up and down. "I don't like you staying out so late, you know better. You didn't even call. You knew you had chores to do today."

"Sorry..." You mumbled, subjected back to the looming silence before they gave a roll of their eyes and sighed.

"Well, did you eat?"

"Yeah, I had (F/FF)."

"...Alright."

And that was that, your parent leaving you to yourself once again as you gratefully made the choice to head straight for your room. It was just as you left it when you had left for school early this Friday morning, which meant you had a bit of cleaning to do.

But surely, you could push that task back until later. It could always be done the moment you typed up the rest of your final paper. Without second thought, you sat on your bed and pulled open your laptop, as well as gathering any notes you might've needed together before reading over what's been typed so far.

. . .

You rubbed at your eyes until you were satisfied, your hands moving to slide above and push back your hair. As if you were ridding yourself of the exhaustion.

"Foucs, focus, focus..." You commanded yourself, repeating the word over and over again in your mind. Your fingers wandering back down to your wrist.

'Focus, focus, focus, focus...'

'Snap'

'Just focus...just write something. Just write a sentence. A word...'

'Snap'

"Ohh my goshhh..." You groaned under your breath.

'Snap'

Your (E/C) eyes wandered towards the bottom right corner of your screen, grazing over the time as if you were wasting it. Well, technically, you were. But you weren't at the same time, seeing as only a few minutes had passed since you've sat.

10:23p.m.

"Whatever, just...write." You commanded yourself further.

. . .

When your eyes wandered back to the time once more, you were left to fight the lump forming in the back of your throat.

1:04a.m.

So much time had passed, and not a single thing had been typed. You wanted to be mad at yourself but couldn't. You kept checking your phone, you kept talking to yourself, you just had to turn on the TV for "background noise"...

It looked like you'd be pulling an all-nighter this evening.

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

You woke up feeling disoriented. Peaceful, sure, but only because your mind was still clouded with sleep, which left you to struggle at taking in your surroundings and the reason why your body ached.

In about another five seconds, all your memories had returned to you, and you now had the answers to all of your questions. You had fallen asleep, even after you had convinced yourself that you were going to pull an all-nighter. Even more disappointing, having fallen asleep at such an awkward angle left you with a crick in your neck that you couldn't sooth with a simple massage right away.

And to your dismay, your laptop displayed the essay that you very clearly hadn't touched. That you had fallen asleep on. You wanted nothing more than for it to finish itself at this point, but you knew better than to actually believe that would happen. Wishful thinking on top of all of the other worries you had swarming your mind. Just to set yourself straight, hastily reminding yourself you now had only the rest of today and tomorrow to finish it, you allowed yourself to stretch and shake away the rest of your drowsyness.

"What...?" You murmured the moment your finger had grazed over the touchpad, reading over the pop-up window in the middle of the screen.

You read it again in disbelief.

And then again, your anger rising at the key words; 'Remaining batter life' 'charging cable' '7%' '10 minutes of power'.

"No, no, no..." You whined, practically throwing yourself out of the bed. Your notes scattered everywhere, but you couldn't bring yourself to care as you desperately searched for the charger to your laptop. When you realized, after dumping out all of your backpack's contents onto the floor, that it wasn't even in there, you grew even more panicked, if possible. If not there, where?

Scouring your room for any sign of the black cord began to accumulate a bigger mess than had already been evident, but you found it worth it when you had finally spotted it under your desk, tangled with a bunch if other loose wires and cords which left you with the tedious work of untangling them.

By the time you had finished, your room an even bigger mess and your mind swarming with curses and exasperation, you had returned to your laptop a second too late. The screen was black and the power button on the top left corner refused to light back up, no matter how many times you pressed it until you finally had to accept the fact that it had officially died. It was only when you were mid-way through putting it on the charger and plugging it into the outlet when you also realized this meant your paper may have not been saved.

You couldn't even fathom the words to bring out of your throat in this instant, angry and inaduble grumbles leaving in their place as you fought the lump in your throat. It seemed you had just woken up and already couldn't catch a break, not that you really had anyone else to blame but yourself.

If you had just stayed up and done your work like you were supposed to instead of sitting there looking at the screen until you fell asleep, this wouldn't be happening to you right now.

"Ughh, stupid, stupid..." You berated yourself, tugging at the blue hair tie and letting it snap back consecutively. It didn't bring you any comfort, but you were convinced it was an act that helped you think better, or faster. And, like usual, it seemed to work as your (E/C) eyes glanced over to your phone.

It sat on the edge of your desk, certainly not dead when the charger was connected into it. You could quickly download Google docs and pray that it had auto-saved before your computer died, and if so, you could continue writing on your phone. You-

"Hey..."

Your head whipped around at the sound of your parent entering your room, now wanting nothing more than to roll your eyes the moment they gave a look of disgust at not just the state of your room, but your person as well.

Your clothes from last night were still disheveled, your hair more than likely a mess, and surely, the bags under your eyes weren't any more flattering.

"...You need to clean this room up, it's always such a mess in here. And you still didn't do your chores from last night, so when you're done, you need to get on that."

"Yeah, I know, I-"

"Don't tell me you know. Otherwise, it'd be done. Now get started so that we can leave."

Your sigh halted, words you couldn't quite shuffle in the right order escaping your lips in distressed stammers upon hearing the last sentence.

Leave? Leave where? You couldn't leave!

"I can't- Where are-? I have to write this essay, it's due Monday, I don't-..."

"(Y/N)..." They spoke your name through a groan, already brushing off what, to them, was just excuses. "I don't have the time to argue with you about this right now. We have errands to run, and it's bad enough that now we have to wait on you."

You wanted to apologize or... at least explain how the circumstances weren't exactly your fault. Not entirely...

Weren't they?

But it didn't matter. The words got stuck once again and your parent had left, meaning that your only hope of not letting this Saturday go to waste was to try and clean as fast as possible and do your work in the car considering you were stuck using your phone.

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

'Well, that was a bust...' You thought, a scowl etched onto your face as though the expression were permanent. To say you were irriated would be the understatement of the century. Even more so when you couldn't place that agitation and blame onto anyone else but yourself.

If you hadn't procrastinated for so long, you wouldn't have an essay that decided your future to work on. If you didn't have an essay to work on, you wouldn't have felt so sullen about accepting Freddy's request to basically blow it off. If you hadn't accepted his request, you would've gotten home sooner to clean and do your chores. If you had done them sooner, you would've had more time to write, and maybe, just maybe, you wouldn't have fallen asleep so easily.

And then these errands would mean nothing to you other than a family outing because your work would be done, and you'd have nothing to worry about. But instead, and because of your incompetence, here you were trying your best to dodge and weave through crowds of other people doing their shopping. Trying your very hardest to type and walk in order to keep up with your family.

"I don't understand why you're moving so slow..." Your parent scolded lightly, urging you to do what you were already trying to do. Only your eyes lifted from the screen, just for a moment to shoot off a glare before returning to your screen and typing furiously.

Sure, your writers' block had finally cleared. But you could only ever get in a few words every couple of minutes before you had to look up to dodge. Or, be interrupted by your family, a sibling. An annoying one, at that...

"Yeah, weren't you just here yesterday with your boyyyyfrieeeend~?" They teased, leaving you to grumble.

"He's not my boyfriend. And yeah, but we went straight to (F/R) and ate at the food court, we weren't shopping."

Your sibling rolled their eyes.

"Whatever, just saying...it should be easier for you to keep up."

"(Y/N)?!"

Speak of the devil, you and your entire immediate family's heads whipping up at the obnoxiously loud call of your name. Your eyes searched high and low, all around until they landed on that familiar head of curls and the silver of a crutch.

"Oh, hi..." You awkwardly greeted, not even loud enough for him to hear it as he approached gleefully. Normally, at the presence of your family, you'd try and usher him away. Give him the hint not to intervene and make it awkward for everyone, but mostly you. But, seeing as your family hadn't even bothered to slow down, you figured a brief conversation wouldn't hurt.

Plus, upon noticing a couple of his siblings and Rosa behind him, you didn't want to come off as brash or rude.

"I thought you said you were gonna be busy?"

The question almost took you by surprise, but upon recalling last Friday, you realized that was pretty much what you had told him.

"I am! I just...I got caught up, it's weird..."

Sensing this wasn't enough of an answer or anything excusable, you spoke further. It had inevitably dug yourself a deeper hole, his brow raising in question.

"My parents, they're just...they wanted me to go shopping with them."

"Your...parents...?"

Oh, right...they walked off....

"Ye-Yeah, they are- They were here, but I lost track of them, so..."

You were aware of how unconvincing you sounded, letting a quiet sigh escape you before checking your phone. Your essay was still intact, and- Oh! That's a good word, 'intact'... You could do something with that, let's just...add it to the conclusion...and...

What you couldn't sense was how disinterested you looked to Freddy, the boy looking back to Billy for any type of further advice. All the brunette could do was shrug from afar, attempting to entertain Rosa, who wasn't at all paying attention to the events.

Hey, mother's got to shop🤷🏽‍♀️.

Either way, to him, it looked as though you were trying your hardest to avoid him. Freddy could feel his chest tighten at just the thought, wondering why that could possibly ever be the case. Why you had become so distant suddenly. And now, you'd barely even look at him?

"So, uh...what's the deal? Did I say something you didn't like?"

"Huh?"

You hadn't looked up, leaving him to reluctantly fill in the blank for you.

"...The other night. When we went out. On that date..."

Now, this caught your attention. Your head cocked back, and your brows knitted incredulously.

"Date? That wasn't a date, I thought we were just hanging out."

'...Was...that a date?' You thought swiftly when you heard the words leave you own mouth, having not entertained such an idea before. But, now that Freddy had said something-

"(Y/N), I literally took you to your favorite place and paid for everything. And then we went to the arcade, and got milkshakes, and...well, I was gonna walk you home, but that didn't work out, as you know, since...you were there..."

"Oh."

You hadn't a clue of what to say, and the longer the silence hung over you two, the more worried you grew. Was that really a date? He didn't technically ask you out to date. He said he wanted to hang out. Maybe it was implied in his tone, and you missed it because you had been so focused on your essay.

But certainly, wasn't your essay tons more important than any date or whatever? If you hadn't gone, you would've had the whole weekend to go out on a date. Right?

Also, where the hell had your family gone? Did they even stop to think that you could really use an out right now? You had no idea what to say!

"Well, to be honest, I really shouldn't have gone at all if you think about it..."

So, you spoke without thinking. And immediately, you could tell that was the wrong answer, the words even stinging your own self the second they came out. Freddy's hurt expressions stinging even more as you lowered your phone.

"But you have time to be out and about with your 'parents'?" Why did he say parents like that? Did he not believe you? "Okay, cool. Awesome."

"I am! Was! They're here, I didn't have a choice, they made me come." You explained hastily. "Plus, I am busy. This paper is super important for me to get done, you know that."

"Yeah, I do. I also know that it was assigned months ago... why would you be doing it now, last minute?"

Holy shit... he really didn't believe you...

But it's not like you wanted to admit you had stupidly put it off for so long, either...

"Freddy..." You sighed, tossing your arms in uncertainty of what to say next. All you had was excuses. "...I didn't mean it. What I said. I'm just-"

"-Busy, yeah, I know."

More tense silence filled with the idea that you were losing him. Not only as a crush, but as your established friend as well. And god, were you trying desperately to mend it before it broke. You clicked your phone off, shoving it into your pocket completely out of sight.

"We can walk around right now if you want. Just until I have to leave?"

"Nah."

Ouch.

"I... don't want to walk on my leg more than I have to. See you around, (Y/N)."

. . .

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

... 'Snap'!

"Stop doing that, it's annoying."

And you did, for a mere moment just to give a side eye towards your sibling before continuing.

Pull... 'Snap'!

Pull... 'Snap!

P u l l. . . 'SNAP'!

"Ow..." you winced.

"Would you stop it?"

"Shut up...!"

"Hey...!" The warning yell of one of your parents stopped the bickering and the rubber band pulling, but it didn't make you want to cry any less.

"Cool it back there. This is supposed to be a nice family outing..."

If anything, it made you want to cry more.

"Well, I didn't want to even be here, so..." You mumbled.

And it was true, you didn't, having wished you had protested more earlier. Then maybe your essay would be done by now. And maybe Freddy would still be your friend...

You cried.

Well, not in the car. But you did the second you finally arrived back home, to the haven and privacy of your room to let it all out. Frustrated and defeated, your wrist still stinging and itching with welts you knew the hair tie snapping would create. But you didn't care, at least, not about the last bit. It was stress relieving, so at least it counted for something good. It was done with good intent, and wasn't that all that mattered? Wasn't that enough?

Shouldn't that be enough for Freddy? He was- No, he is your best friend. And sure, you might've unintentionally pushed him away, but it was for a greater good. You were sure. Blocked him out with a good intention, if... that even existed. So, with such logic, apologizing and molding things back to normal should be a simple task, yes?

Yes, good. Perfect. That made it easy to set aside for a later moment, hastily wiping your tears and taking in small breaths before setting yourself at your desk. Not the bed, because you would not be falling asleep this time. You would write, write wrute, type, type, type until you were done. And that's final.

. . .

There it was again. That blocking feeling. But it came back different this time, unusual and almost unfamiliar to the normal writers' block.

Freddy. Freddy. Freddy.

That's what it was. That's all it was. The words you had said, his face twisted in disappointment and sadness running through your mind over and over again. How you had hurt him.

Ugh, you couldn't do this.

9:30p.m.

You couldn't bear it. And, pathetic enough, you couldn't even bring yourself to text him. To let him know it was all your fault. To even just apologize.

You went to bed.

You'd cram all of your needed tasks in tomorrow with a fresh, clear mind...

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

This time, you had awoken to complete silence. And way later than last time, which you supposed was needed due to the fatigue of Friday through Saturday's events...

Upon doing some further snooping around the house, you had gathered the fact your family had gone out without you this time. And albeit you couldn't help but feel a little hurt, nobody having even attempted to wake you let alone invite you, you knew it was overall in your best interest.

You had a conclusion to write. After an afternoon breakfast and a fresh pair of comfy clothing, you situated yourself right back at your desk. Your laptop fully charged. Any and all disturbances out of sight, therefore out of mind. And eventually, after a good stare at the words already there, at the florescent blue light of the screen, the creative juices began to flow. You were off...

The blessing of finally being able to write lasted for only a few more hours, the sun setting and the noise of the city outside becoming evident as you leaned back in your seat for a break. A good stretch and rub of the eyes, a well-deserved swallow or two of water...

'Bonk-Bonk-Bonk'

Your brows knitted, lips unconsciously forming a pout at the consistent sound against your window. It confused you, the noise something you hadn't heard in a while. Something you only ever heard when expecting-

"Oh my god, Freddy...!" You gasped, having walked over and cautiously slid open your window. The sight of him scared you enough to practically jump back as he came tumbling onto your floor. A fall that worried you, of course, but neither of you could focus on that given a mere, lazy collapse to the ground seemed like nothing compared to the rest of his injuries.

"Oh my god, Freddy..." You repeated in utter dismay, covering your mouth with your palm for maybe a split second before you were immediately stooped by his side in order to help him sit up.

"What happened, why are-? Oh my god, there's so much bl-"

"-I'm okay, I'm okay..." He reassured quietly, moving his hand up and down as if to say, "Calm down." Not that it did any good, your eyes scanning over each and every cut and/or bruise you could find before delivering your final questions.

"What are you doing here? You...need a doctor or-or something, how did this even happen?"

He laughed, almost as if there were something funny that you didn't get. Some twisted inside joke. Twisted, because it left him...well... like this.

"Being a superhero is harder than it looks, (N/N)..."

A pause.

"Are you delirious or something? I- Y'know what? Okay, I-... Stay there, don't move."

As if he'd even try. He watched as you jogged out of your room, able to hear you rummaging around in your bathroom for medical aid while his brown eyes scanned your room. It seemed to have remained in the same state as when he last saw it; neat and tidy, minus a few distraught blankets and cords. He traced a thick, gray one up to your desk, noticing it was plugged into your still on and running laptop.

His brows furrowed. He could see the small words, even from his place on the floor by your window and almost wanted to slap himself.

You really were finishing up an essay. The easy, if anything. Instead, he chuckled. Of course you waited until the last second to do it. How (Y/N) of you.

He had to fight off his blush (and a startled jump) when you came rushing back into the room, arms filled with supplies and a worried expression etched onto your face.

"We didn't have a lot, but I really don't want your cuts to get infected..." He heard you mumble, shakily pouring bits of alcohol onto a cleaning pad.

"It's gonna sting..." You warned, Freddy nodding as fast as he could and sending you the wave of a hand, already knowing and preparing himself for the sensation. And when it came, he bit his lip to hold back what would've been squeak coming from his throat.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry..." You soothed through whispers, wrapping and/or bandaging as quickly yet accurately as you could. "You really should've gone to the E.R., Freddy, I can't-...I feel-...I can only do so much."

"Geez, you really don't want me around much, huh?" He joked, but even you could see the way it held some truth as your actions slowed, looking into his eyes in hopes he saw the truth in yours.

And if not, you'd damn sure say it.

"Freddy, please..." It was almost a scoff, but your tone had dwindled into something much more sincere. "Of course I want you around. I always want you around, you-. . . You make me happy, especially when a lot of things don't. Okay?"

He seemed to be mulling your words over, the boy shuffling every now and again at any certain pain that felt a little too sharp, or when you squoze a bruise a bit too hard.

"I-... It just doesn't feel that way, I guess. Sometimes, I wonder if you even like me." Again, he laughed as though he had spewed a funny joke. You couldn't return it, simply shocked at such a theory before quickly debunking it.

"I like you a lot!!"

. . .

"Sorry, that was...loud." You apologized, earning you another laugh at such sudden passion. "But I do like you, why wouldn't I? I just...had a lot on my plate recently, and I didn't know how to handle it. Especially telling you, so I just...I dunno, I guess I pushed you out, hoping you'd just... know."

Freddy smiled, one that exuded comfort and understanding before pushing your hand to the side so he was able to look at you properly. To hold your cheek in the palm of his hand and admire your face, watching at how you didn't even fight to melt into his touch.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "I'm sorry that I didn't understand. I'm your friend, so, it's kind of the one job I had and I failed... but, I don't want you to ever feel like you can't talk to me. Or that I won't help you when things get difficult."

And for an extra touch, he gave your hand a squeeze of reassurance. The same hand which held the pad of alcohol in it. You hadn't noticed it when droplets went rushing down your hand and to your wrist, too caught up in the moment. All too ready to express your gratitude and mutual appreciation for him.

But you sure as hell noticed it when it stung you. Burned you, felt more like it, leaving you to let out more winces and whimpers than Freddy had during the cleaning off all of his injuries combined.

"Woah, hey, what's up? You okay?"

"Yeah, just-"

You were fast to yank your hand away, squeezing the sleeve of your sweater around your wrist in an attempt to aid the stinging feeling you were experiencing. This confused Freddy. Enough so to where he forced himself to fully sit up so he could properly inspect whatever was causing you any pain. It was bad enough that he had left you emotionally distraught and that he now needed you to take time off from your work just to help him heal from his recklessness...

The least he could do was return the favor of medical help.

"Here, lemme' see."

You didn't even get to go, "No!" yanking your wrist away from his gentle hold once again in a flurry of panic and unexpectedness.

"What is it? Are you okay?"

You eyes were wide and you didn't understand why you felt such dread. A fear of him seeing what you had never shown anyone, even though it had never occurred to you to be upset about someone finding out before.

Er...not that you were hiding it. Were you?

"It's...nothing, I'm fine. Just let me finish cleaning you up so I can-"

"Hey..." Freddy stopped your swift movements, his heart pounding at just the mere thought of you hiding anymore pain from him. Had someone done something to you? If so, he should've been the one protecting you. It was now his turn to experience the feeling of anxiety swelling in his chest.

"You can tell me, it's alright. I won't be upset, just... talk to me. Okay? Trust me."

And you did. You didn't know if it was his words or the tone laced within them. Whether you were just tired of fighting it or being upset with him. Or him being upset with you. Tired of pushing him away and... who knows? Maybe if he knew, then you could stop...

You slowly inched your arm in his direction, visibly shaking from both the sting of the remaining alcohol and the piling nerves as he steadily bunched up your sleeve.

At first, there was no expression. No words, no nothing. Was he even processing what he was seeing? The red, fine-lined welts up and down your wrist and forearm, some older and healing, some... very fresh. It made you so jarringly aware of how hard you had actually been snapping the hair tie all of this time.

"(Y/N)....what-"

"It was supposed to help." You interjected, fighting back tears you hadn't even noticed arrived. "I read this thing on this website somewhere, and I just- I- I read it, and..."

Tripping and stumbling over your words made you want to just give up all over again. And yet, even though you refused to look up to see the expression of disappointment on Freddy's face, you could feel it. And that was just enough for you to keep desperately grabbing at straws to defend your wayward actions.

"I... I used to...do worse, I was messed up. Really messed up, and it was the only thing that made me feel better. Relief, I mean, maybe not better, but-..."

You choked back a cry.

"I read this thing, and it said that a good alternative as a way to stop would be to snap a hair tie instead. It-It's less than... y'know... and it...I-...I'm sorry."

"(Y/N). . ." Freddy started his sentence with nothing more to say after the whisper of your name, watching as you couldn't help but finally burst into tears right there on the floor in front of him. It was a moment in time when he realized there was nothing much he could say or do, only wanting nothing more than for you to be okay.

"Please don't cry, it's not... it isn't your fault, (N/N)."

You couldn't pull yourself together enough to elicit proper words, wishing you could just express everything you were feeling in one go. Or at least console Freddy because that's what he came over for, after all. He needed you to be there for him, patch him up, and you couldn't even do that. Instead, things have come down to being all about you again.

Little did you know, it's not like Freddy much cared. He'd rather things be all about you and you be okay rather than no one giving you the time of day and you're suffering.

"Here, c'mere..." The boy urged, pulling you closer on his own accord when you didn't budge. "I'll clean them for you this time."

You nodded in thanks as you leaned against his chest, watching carefully through your tears as he slipped the pad of alcohol from your grip gently and began to pour some more onto it.

"And when I'm done," he continued. "There won't be a next time where I'll need to do this, 'cause we're gonna find some even better alternatives together, 'kay? Better than a hair tie."

A silence lingered in the air as you sniffled, only speaking up just before he could press the pad to your welts.

"...You mean like... like a scrunchie?"

. . .

"Pfft-!"

Freddy attempted to shield his laugh away from you, but quickly didn't bother anymore as your broken laugh joined in at your own distasteful joke.

"That's- No, you're- Oh my gosh, that's awful..." He spoke through giggles he fought to contain, even though the comment seemed to lift the both of your spirits instantly. Well, until he had to clean up your wrist...

──────────── •⚡️• ────────────

Freddy's brows furrowed when he realized the sounds of your winces and hisses were no longer to be heard, even when he'd press the damp pad to your wrist or forearm. He was about done, anyways, but he stopped to check on you and became flattered to see that you had fallen into a peaceful sleep against him.

He smiled down at you, admiring you for as long as he could while finally wrapping up your arm the same way you had his cuts and bruises. And, though he would've been more than happy to hold you like this for as long as he could (yes, even if it was on your floor), he looked around the room and was swift to realize there were still a few more tasks that needed completing.

But, most important, your essay. Considering the amount of emotional turmoil it seemed to have caused you over the weekend, he figured it should be something you no longer had to worry about. As carefully as he could without waking you, and scooted and withered his way out from under you, allowing you room to stretch out against the floor. It couldn't have been the best of comfort, but he'd address it later, making his way over to your desk and in front of your open laptop.

. . .

When you woke back up, you were alarmed to no longer feel the weight of Freddy's arms around you. It made you pop straight up, your head and eyes looking around the room like a baby bird who had just hatched until finally, they landed on the body sprawled across your bed.

You almost wish it were you, your mattress much comfier than the ground beneath you. He really just left you there on the floor and took up all of the space, pillows, and blankets, huh?

You eventually urged yourself to stand, knowing you'd have to clean up a little bit at some point and finish your paper before you could join him, but stopped right in your tracks when you noticed the change in screen.

Assignment Due: Monday, 9:30a.m.

Status: Turned In/Completed

"...What, bro...?" You muttered through a rasp of drowsiness, changing directions to head for your desk rather than the clothes and lose trinkets on your floor.

Once you were able to scroll through and read your submitted essay, which you at first thought you might've accidently turned in unfinished on accident, you skimmed over the end and were more than elated to see it had magically finished itself.

Well, okay, maybe not magically...

You looked back to Freddy's sleeping figure, grinning ear to ear at what you knew was his kind gesture. Finishing your paper for you. You'd have to thank him a thousand times in a thousand ways, as many as you could think of. Words couldn't express how grateful you were, not only for him doing your essay but for him in general. You stared at your wrapped up arm, finding yourself smiling harder than you thought possible.

"I love you." You spoke aloud, flopping onto the bed without much care, simply full of giddy for how much you adored having Freddy in your life.

"You're so-"

"...I love you, too..."

You perked up when his sleep murmurs interrupted the start of more praises, smiling down at him in both fondess and amusement as he wrapped an arm around you. Unconsciously...

He had responded to you in his sleep.

Was that a lame ending, or was that the 'Boom, super profound mega happy ending' I saw it to be in my head...?

Idk yall, you tell me 'causeeee....💀✋🏽. But seriously, I really hope you liked this, I finished it up right when my sickness finally went away so, yeah💕🥴.

~ Star✨️

Back to the Master List

[mogseltof]

Slow start to the year on reading! Good for writing though. (I'm just logging fanfic on the writing bingo because a) I have an entirely different, quarterly system for my original fiction goals this year that would be difficult to translate and are getting talked about on the author site, and b) because i really want to clear out my WIPs folder)

First up: the @batmanisagatewaydrug book bingo! First read of the year was volume 1 of Witch Hat Atelier, contributing to my goal of reading books that I have purchased but not read yet (an embarrassingly large category). Loved it, five stars, a plus, can't wait to dig into the rest of them, decision to buy that humble bundle fully justified.

Second 'read' was my housemate's copy of Ramen by Tove Nilsson, (I don't usually log cookbooks even when I do read them cover to cover). She's had this for a couple of years and we've never really done much more than have me pull it out to pickle eggs for my instant ramen habits (which picked up after reading Butter by Asako Yuzuki last year, a book which I'm still thinking about and might have been my favourite for 2024. Yuzuki and translator Polly Barton had a way of writing about food that really felt real and relatable and delicious, and may have kicked off an obsession with buttering my ramen). Anyway I had an excuse to take it to a friend's place on the weekend and we made tantanmen ramen and went through the recipes looking for good ones to try. Delicious, very extra, gave my friend an excuse to go to fujimart and use new ingredients and also get out her ramen bowls.

Third read was Feersum Endjinn by Iain M. Banks, which is kind of a cheat for the bookseller square given it was for book club run by my favourite indie bookseller, but I've been wanting to pick up Banks's work (lol) and have asked this bookseller for a rec on that front before so I'm counting it! I also thought the bird on the cover was a robot before I read it so I didn't want to count it for that square and lose my excuse to reread some Redwall. ANYWAY absolutely wild book, I love an author who's willing to throw me in the deep end with no explanation and just take me for a ride. 4 stars actually, after discussion helped me calcify my thoughts, book club was great this month.

More book nattering and fanfic bingo explanations under the cut

My first DNF of the year was House of Leaves, boo. I think I let the hype get me on this one, in theory this is everything I love, in practise I lost my mind trying to remember what else of Danielewski's I'd read because he wrote about women exactly the same way in that! and it's not even the worst but i hated it! i might give this one another try in a couple of years though, I've noticed over the years that I skew heavily to non fiction at the start of the year and tend to rate fiction harsher in this time period.

My pick for the "20th century speculative fiction" is Tourmaline by Randolph Stow as part of my ongoing quest to read more Australian authors. It came up in discussion at a book launch I attended in January (Jasper Cliff by Josh Kemp which might be my literary or horror pick!), and Ikm enjoying it so far. I picked up Praiseworthy by Alexis Wright for the "2024 award winner", because it won last year's Stella Prize which has an award shortlist that I usually use as a reading guide (Hospital by Sanyida Rushdi was another favourite last year). My library had a fantastic nonfiction display this week so I've picked up some great titles including Conversations with People who Hate Me by Dylan Marron which I didn't realise had been published as a book, Putin's Trolls because I have been dying for a comprehensive write up on that whole investigation for years, and When Cops are Criminals, a collection of essays and histories of violence and corruption in Australian policing because I'm sick of hearing that "that's an american problem" in a country that keeps lowering the age of criminal responsibility pretty much just for indigenous kids.

Square I'm least worried about is "set in a country you've never visited" because I am a broke bitch who's never owned a passport! Square I'm most worried about is "2025 debut author" for mostly unfounded reasons, but the publication delay between Australian markets and the rest of the world is occasionally brutal, and the hold time on new authors with enough publicity for me to hear about is usually bad enough to push things back into the next year. I'm trying not to buy new books this year so that could be a problem, but I'm going to keep an eye on the local author lists and library events to try and find something cool. Square I'm most excited for is "Read + Make a zine"! I'm going to try and get out to the perth comic festival because last time I went people had zines out, but if I strike out I've got some ones I picked up from a literal brick and mortar zine shop in Melbourne a decade ago that I haven't looked at in years which is really cool. Also I've been wanting to zine some of my poetry.

OKAY DONE BOOK NATTERING. Fanfic bingo is mostly for fun because I realised I had a lot of shit partially started or written. To my dismay every square on this board has at least two WIPs that apply, including the "something entirely new" space because since Jan 1st despite declaring my intent to finish what I've already started I have more than 10 new fics in shiny new docs. The problem is when I finish short fics I get excited about writing more of them :/

Random fandom: "Timewarp" for Once Upon a Time. My housemates and I started rewatching this a while back and I went insane and figured out that Henry was basically perfectly positioned to realise something hinky was going on in town, no wonder he's annoyed Emma doesn't believe him that the place is cursed.

5 year old draft: "Action Movie" for Transformers Prime. It bugs me that Bulkhead/Wheeljack isn't a more popular ship, they're perfect. I started this movie date fic in 2020 and pulled it out of my iPad notes app and finished it!

Free Space: I finished "A Changed Wind", the first book in my Transformers Prime Primeswap AU and I'm proud of myself for finishing posting a long fic! Hooray! 🎉

Tumblr has decided I'm not allowed to paste things into the app so I guess I can't link those like I was planning (christ), so, archiveofourown.org/users/Mogseltof/works to read any of those.

[namuneulbo]

week one hundred and thirty three

half of this week was just spent on writing the essay. i finished it on thursday and it's so weird not having anything to do. no summer job either. just pure nothingness until the fall term begins. i've been playing a lot of gta v in my spare time. i'm not going to act like i don't love it though. i'm so lucky i took out my student loan so i'm able to survive without support during the summer months.

on tuesday i went on my first proper run of the summer (year... but let's say summer because that's not technically wrong either... even though i guess it is since it's still may). i couldn't run very far before i had to start walking but i went on another one the next day and i was able to push myself ever so slightly more. i also saw a deer for the first time!!! there are a bunch of them around here apparently so i'm excited to see them more often. i saw one on both of my runs this week. they're so cute, it's insane.

saw josé gonzález on saturday. such a cozy concert. it's my first ever concert where it's truly quiet when the artist performs and i get to just stand there and take it in. it was so nice. i got barricade as well. love josé, what a guy!

also, sad news. had to take out my lobe piercing today. i had three holes but the third one just wouldn't heal and i went to a piercer today and they just said the last one had done a bad job and shouldn't have pierced it at an angle even if it was for aesthetic reasons. they said i should take it out and then i can repierce it in about a month so i'm most likely doing just that! might do my snakebites then too.

dating life update too, of course. i have THREE (3) upcoming dates. that's crazy. i wouldn't usually do that to myself. i like just talking to one person at a time and setting all my focus on that person but now i just happened to match with three people in a very short amount of time. first i matched with a guy. thin mustache and swaggy style, born and raised in söder... my sister's previously joked about how i just match with people in rich areas and at this point... anyways, we don't talk? like we talked sooooo briefly and he replied sooooo slowly so i just assumed it wasn't going anywhere and then he asked me out on a date? why is that a thing? like i get wanting to get peoples in-person vibe but THERE WAS NOTHING THERE??? i said yes to the date though, of course :) i really don't have high hopes for it and it was so weird planning it because he didn't even like reply quickly when planning it so we just sloooowly planned it over a few days. that should've been my queue to unmatch but i'd feel so mean. the date's today. at seven. so we'll see. he's cool, don't get me wrong, i think i however have noticed who i like the most of these three contestants.

then i was just swiping left on tinder a few days ago. the plan was just to swipe left on everyone until i found someone i liked and then stop so they wouldn't necessarily be removed from my radar but just... not matched so i could finish talking to the people i'm talking to now... you know? buuuuuut i got one of those secret admirer thingies and of course i checked and it was this really pretty girl. her profile was pretty empty. lots of cute pictures of her but barely any info apart from her music taste, which was quite solid. i usually wouldn't match with someone if we had zero of the same artists but i felt like her dad music with bob dylan and fleetwood mac would be okay. she asked me out really early on as well. i said yes and we planned out drinks and next week but no specific day and now we haven't really talked since so i don't know what'll happen... i feel like a douche for not sending anything to her but like... she doesn't reach out either and when i also have my eyes set on another person, i don't want to be the person leading it on. my plan right now is to see if she messages and if she does, i'll talk but if she doesn't, i'll allow it to cool down and not do the date. i just hate rejecting people so i'd rather have it naturally die down than having to later on reject her after a date i already knew the result of, you know? UGH, i sound so mean but trust me, i really don't like dating multiple people at once. it's stressful and i feel like a douche, even though i know it's normal.

okay... final date is with the canadian guy i mentioned last week. guys... he's so cute... okay, i was the person to ask him out. i usually would, like i mentioned before, ask them later on after talking actively for a week or two, but knowing i had two dates coming up and none of them were with him when he's the one i think about the most... felt wrong. i sound so sappy, god. i'm honestly just happy i'm able to like, look at other people again and be excited about meeting them and getting butterflies when they message me. it's my favorite feeling. butterflies are my favorite feeling.

a lot of my friends don't get why i like him or like... they probably do but they don't like his mustache but i don't care!!! i love massive and flashy staches. i still struggle with whatever the embarrassment thing is. i always feel embarrassed about the people i like and it feels so mean. like i literally will find someone hot but looking through their instagram or tiktok... cringefest. i can't do it. PLEASE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT CAUSES IT BUT IT'S SO ANNOYING BECAUSE I JUST FEEL LIKE A DOUCHE THAT LIKE SEES EVERYTHING WRONG WITH THEIR APPEARANCE OR SOCIAL MEDIA PRESENCE OR WHATEVER. i hate it. i'm quite shy so i don't know if that has anything to do with it? like am i just so shy that i'll blush and get embarrassed by seeing them on a picture? that feels fake. stop that pick-me shit. like... i like my men a little silly so why am i cringing at a silly picture? that's literally what my heart wants but my brain says "no, girl... he's just cringe". WHAT IS UP WITH THAT??? cringe culture is dead. i feel mean and i don't want to be mean.

anyways, he's really cute and i stand by that. my friends all think he looks really old... he's 22. turning 23 in a few months if that proves their point. girl. i do however get what they mean. i think facial hair ages a lot and he's just kind of hairy in general so i think that adds a few years to appearance?? i fuck with it though. i'm telling you, it's the most girlypop men who are like that. also, i will just get all the benefits of an older man who looks like he's got a wife and three kids and a mortgage to pay off (older being like... 35 in this case because i'm still a 19 year old, turning 20 in a few months, fucker) without actually having to date an old man. also queer with a good taste in music so i don't actually need that much more to be convinced. he's just my type hehe.

i asked him out and he immediately came with the suggestion to go for coffee so i guess were doing that. he asked if that was fine with me and i said yes and joked about how there would be less alcohol to get me talking more but that coffee will be good too. we have just decided a day but i think the activity is still up in the air. coffee or drinks. we'll see. coffee shits or forced dinner date at maccas because i start feeling sick from the drinks and need food (has happened).

but he's so cute. we also exchanged NUMBERS (and instas). NOBODY DOES THAT ANYMORE BUT I LOVE IT! IT FEELS WAY MORE INTIMATE. literally... when i dated l i had to download snap just to talk to him on something that wasn't instagram dms. i know it's just because he's canadian and from what i've heard snap is dying over there, but imessage is the superior messaging app. feels way more serious. also fun to add a little heart to his name in my phone hehe.

so um, you (random person or future me who's reading this) probably understand why i'm less thrilled about these other dates now... i'm not a douche oh my fucking god.

sotw: twenty one pilots - navigating

[mirrorballwhoistrying]

The End of an Era (Mar-Apr 2024) -22.05.24

god! it's been so long since I've written a reflection. I felt like I was drifting as life went by. It also parallels the sadness I felt and the confusion as I wasn't jotting it down and making sense of it.

I realize I didn't even write a reflection on my Eras Tour experience! Okay, I need to do all that. Now maybe let's skip ahead of the Eras Tour and talk about the period after that but before my departure to the US.

It was a crazy period. To be fair, every segment of my life felt crazy anyway. I finally got the booth for NRD2024 and was selected for the Jomnot Creator program! Everything I hoped for, I got it!

The thing was, it happened simultaneously. That weekend, I couldn't go to the booth fully because I had to attend 2 training sessions. It felt different because the training felt like something I knew before. Most of the fellows are younger than me. I felt so out of place. Or maybe I should stop treating myself as a full glass of water and enjoy every moment and experience?

The sale for NRD was crazy low. it just got lower and lower every year. It was expected since we didn't post anything at all so T didn't know. I wanted to talk about parting ways for the business for so long but she kept avoiding it. At least, it was the first time I did it without her and kept the profit. I said it before, I'd rather start everything from scratch if I had to!

I also said this before, I felt so old recently. I met people who were born after 2005. I couldn't comprehend that info! In my head, those people are children who just started walking, while the truth is they are already 18-19 years old. Maybe I should stop feeling so negative about people and enjoy every interaction.

I was invited as a panelist in the middle of the month. It was really out of nowhere but at least it was another experience. I talked about privacy, free speech, and hate speech. At least it was the area I studied in school. My panelist was A Dose of Cath. I did okay but there was definitely room for improvement. The crazy thing was it all happened during the time my dog Dodo was passing away. I really had to do it with a broken heart.

In the third week of the month, I went on a company trip to Koh Rong. It was my third time there but I can't get enough of the island for real. I love it and it was the last company trip I went to as a staff. Most people didn't know I was going to resign yet.

At the end of March, I started applying for a visa to the US. It was like a dream and I couldn't believe that it was coming true. At the end of the month, I also organized an event at the company. It was the last event I was involved in there.

It was 2 weeks before my resignation and it was finally announced. I thought I was going to resign in peace but then a meeting was held to blame me for not handling the projects properly. I don't care! I'm going to resign and live my life! The last 2 weeks were also really hectic.

I posted a series of stories shit-talked on the work. I was also preparing for the AAS essays as well. I hope it doesn't affect the people in my team. I did what I could! 5 years in that company was enough! That was longer than my bachelor's degree. It felt so scary but I also knew in my heart that it was the right step!