#are obviously connected to my weight and not anything else

[dredshirtroberts]

oh *now* she wants me to see a doctor about my joints doing things joints don't normally do.

bit late ma.

[mxdotpng]

the soremik in my head is so vastly different from anyone elses idea of them that i fear if i ever speak out on the subject i'll have rocks thrown at me. but once again they are allowed to look but never touch. you have to expect this from me by now.

[nereidprinc3ss]

come on home

in which the only person who can comfort you after your breakup with spencer reid, is spencer reid

inspired by the song "summer's end" by the artist currently known as phoebe bridgers

wc 2857

warnings: gn!reader (correct me if im wrong), minor mommy issues, angst, happy ending

a/n: thank you to the person who requested this:) u r an angel and I listened to this song the whole time i wrote (if you haven't heard, listen!!) i sincerely hope you enjoy, i like this one a lot<3

She hung up on you. 

Forty-seven minutes of being insulted and berated after you’d called her looking for comfort, and you put up with every single cruel word—just for your mother to hang up on you. And it’s exactly the kind of thing she’d do, so you shouldn’t be surprised. An ache, you’d expect—but it shouldn’t sting like this. You thought you knew better. 

Now you’re in a ball on your couch, clutching your phone to your chest and crying. There’s no point hiding it. Your roommate is out with her girlfriend for the evening—which is too bad because even though you feel like being alone, you’re sure that’s the wrong call. Your other friends are out having fun tonight, too. They’d even invited you, but you turned them down. Look where that had gotten you. Obviously, your mother is not the person you’re about to run to for comfort, either. 

You try to pretend, while you’re thinking of all these people who have ever cared for you, that Spencer Reid isn’t on your mind at all. You try to pretend like you don’t care that the person who loved you until you believed you actually deserved it is a contact going stale deep in the bowels of your text cache. With bleary eyes you scroll down, looking for your conversation where it gathers dust—the end of your relationship was a mutual decision, and you’re friendly, but you haven’t texted in a few weeks. Probably because every time the conversation starts to feel a little too easy, or the phone call lasts a little too long, that aching void in your chest gets worse and worse. Like pain in a phantom limb, you become acutely aware of what you do not have and how much it hurts.  

So blame it on the tears, or the mind-muddling melodrama of your relationship with your mother, blame it on anything but the truth—when your thumb drops on that call button like the plunger on a syringe, you don’t regret it.  

What you’re not expecting is for him to answer after the first ring. 

“Hi,” you say with a snuffle before Spencer can get a word in. There’s a brief interlude, in which you pick at your nails, comfortable to just sit in silence if that’s what he wants. As long as he’s there. 

“Hi.” Hearing his voice instantly melts a bit of the weight you hadn’t realized you were carrying. Another pause, for which you remain silent, because you can feel him formulating a question—and you’d like to hear him speak again. “...am I allowed to ask if you’re okay?” 

Your lips purse and twist to the side, pained and comforted by how easily he can tell that you’re distraught. One word across a tinny connection, and he knows. 

“No. Yes. I mean... I guess that’s why I called you. But you don’t have to ask me about it.” You sniff again and take a deep breath. “How was your day? What state are you in?” 

“I’m in the district,” he answers after a moment, easing into a casualness that he likely doesn’t feel for your sake. Wind crunches through the speaker. He probably just got out of work. “My day was... it was good. I got to talk about my job to a bunch of elementary schoolers, which is always a confidence boost.” 

You chuckle, still laying on your side on the couch and watching storm clouds gathering outside. 

“Nice, nice. What else?” 

“Let’s see... I forgot lunch, so I had three oranges, and they were actually pretty good. I reread Game of Thrones—I don’t know why I did that. I’m never going to like that book.” 

“Masochist,” you smile. He laughs, and you hear the sound of a car door opening. 

“Oh! I talked to my mom. Believe it or not, she says hi.” 

A completely inadvertent snort constitutes your response. It’s not what you meant to do, and out of context it’s sort of mean, but you actually think it’s incredibly endearing that he still talks to his mother about you. He scrambles to explain himself. 

“I swear, we barely talked about you this time. Mostly we talked about her new boyfriend Leonard.” 

“No, no, that’s not... I’m sorry, I’m not laughing at you or your mom. That’s really sweet, actually. Tell her I say hi too.” 

When he next speaks, you can hear the smile in his voice. 

“I will.” Another long pause. You imagine him sitting in the parking lot at Quantico, keys vertical in the ignition of his old car and feeling the silence just as much as you are. He surprises you by not ending the conversation—instead he asks a question. It is concern, poorly disguised with nervous humor. Or maybe you just know him too well. “Do I get to find out what’s on your mind, or are you leaving me in suspense here?”  

You bite the inside of your cheek. 

“Um... well, actually, I just got off the phone with my mom, too. It didn’t go so well,” you laugh halfheartedly, “I know it was dumb to try and have an actual conversation with her, but... you know me. Always following blind optimism to the depths of hell.” 

“Why’d you call your mom?” he asks, so gently it brings a fresh round of tears to your eyes. Still, you attempt to put a cheerful affect on your strained voice. 

“Mm, you know. Just needed someone to talk to.” 

Spencer’s knowing sigh does little to make you feel better. 

“You know you can always talk to me, right? I know it’s... it’s different now, but... I care about you a lot. And, you know, I receive very few phone calls, so the line is pretty much always open.” 

Your laugh quickly devolves into a cry. 

“I appreciate that, but I can’t talk to you about everything.” 

“Why not?” he pleads immediately, voice thin and desperate like it’s his most burning question. A million lies dance over the tip of your tongue. A million things that feel safer to say than the truth. But in the end, it comes out anyway—choked, and so quiet, but aloud nonetheless. 

“Because I’m trying really hard to stop missing you so much.” 

Another long beat of silence. The back of your throat feels dry and hollow—a cage for your hummingbird heart. 

“If it hurts too much to talk to me, you don’t need to do that to yourself. But I also don’t want you to hurt yourself thinking you’re alone. You are... so important to me. I will always try to take care of you the best I can—whether that means staying away or being at your front door. If you ever need me, or even... vaguely want me, I will be there.” 

Each word caves your resolve. Each syllable is a slap in the face to progress you’d been pretending to make. You can be strong—you've proven that over the past ten weeks. You can be stone-faced and slash at your heart until the scar tissue is thick and jagged, and eventually it won’t hurt anymore. But maybe, by letting someone tend to the wounds, they’ll heal a little nicer. A little kinder. Even if you can’t undo the damage, maybe one day you’ll be soft again. 

“What if I vaguely want you right now?” you sniffle. 

Finally, you hear the silver jingle of keys turning. The sputter and rumble of an old engine coming to life. 

“Then I’m on my way.” 

Twenty four minutes later, there’s a soft knock at your door.  

After the call had ended, you’d wondered if you made it all up. Surely your ex-boyfriend wasn’t actually about to show up at your apartment. Someone you’ve grieved for can’t just come back—there are countless horror novels and movies based upon that very tenet. Does it matter if they ever actually died? How long is ten weeks, really? It feels like a lifetime. 

You shuffle across the room, wiping under your eyes with your already damp sleeves, and undoing all the locks Spencer had conditioned you to start using. When the door cracks open, and you see Spencer standing there, windswept and concerned, for the first time in months, it hits you like a tidal wave. You are, beyond a shadow of a doubt, still just as in love with him as you ever were. The relief that floods your veins as he looks down at you with so much care in his eyes is like sinking into warm water. It’s a dead giveaway, and maybe it makes this whole thing a terrible idea, but you can’t seem to care very much. You open the door wider, and he enters, and he stands in your kitchen with his hands in his coat pocket as you shut the door and he’s perfect. It dawns on you that for the first time since the breakup, you feel safe. Like you don’t have to be a stone pillar anymore. This, of course, translates into even more tears, which you try to hide as you face away, re-locking the door.  

“Sweetheart...” he sighs, because you can’t hide anything from him. Hearing the resonance of his voice so close to you once more is overwhelming. In an instant you’re rushing into his arms, and he accepts you without hesitation. You bury your teary face in the vetiver safety of his button-up and slip your arms under his coat, as if you could absorb his warmth and forever hide from the world that way. He pulls you even closer. It’s terrible and cruel how much he is exactly what you needed. “What’s wrong? What did she say?” 

You shake your head and gasp a small sob. 

Truthfully, you’re not really crying about the petty insults from your mother anymore. You’re back to square one, the reason you’d called your mother to begin with—you miss the man whose arms are currently wound around your shoulders. 

His hand smooths over the back of your hair. 

“Okay. That’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it.” 

You stay like that—content even as you cry because being with him feels so much safer than being alone. It feels right—or perhaps it’s just familiar. You don’t know which is worse.  

Spencer is rubbing soothing lines up and down your back as you cling to him, soaking him up in all his ephemeral, comforting glory. He surprises you by chuckling—it vibrates through his chest, buzzing against your ear. 

“Nice Magritte print. I bet the person who bought that has fantastic taste.” 

“Are you gonna ask for it back?” you mumble into the fabric of his suit jacket. He is, of course, referring to the painting you’d more or less stolen from his apartment seven months ago. You really don’t want him to take it home. It’s the most overt Spencer memorabilia you’d allowed yourself to keep in plain sight. 

“No, baby. You can keep it.” The words are low, and kind, and they settle you some, but you can’t seem to get him close enough. “What can I do?” he whispers after a moment, helpless as you take a shuddering breath. “Can I make you tea? Have you eaten?” 

“Will you just... stay for a little bit? I’ll—I promise I’ll stop crying.” 

There is an unexpected lull where you thought you’d receive pretty immediate agreement, but before you can pull back and ask what’s wrong, he murmurs, “yeah. I can stay for a while. But you have to kick me out before it gets too late.” 

You wonder if you’re imagining the double-entendre that seems to underline his words in bold red ink. Spencer is too smart to have not noticed a thing like that. You don’t mention it—it all boils down to the same unspoken idea. 

Don’t let me stay, because I might not leave. 

“I will,” you sniff, finally stepping back and wiping your own tears. It hurts to lose his touch, but at least you know he’s not going anywhere for the next few hours. This, as opposed to everything else lately, can be a beginning instead of an end.  

At least, until he goes home. 

Three and a half hours later, after tea, an impromptu dinner comprised mostly of cheese and crackers, and several vinyl changes on your record player (which served only as background noise for your long, ambling conversations), things are seeming to wind down to a natural stopping point. Which you hate. The whole time you’d had a dull ache in your chest because talking to him was easier than breathing and you knew it wouldn’t last. There had been one or two false bottoms already—the first when you’d yawned around nine, and the second when you’d gotten up to do your skincare and brush your teeth half an hour later. Even then he’d just leaned against the doorframe, watching your reflection above the sink as you talked for fifteen more minutes. Now you stand across from each other in the kitchen, plates restacked and everything in order. Of course he’d insisted on helping you clean up. 

“I should go,” he says, with a soft sort of finality in his voice.  

“Is your carriage turning into a pumpkin?” you tease gently, to hide how much you don’t want him to leave. He smiles—a small, weary thing—but genuinely and endlessly charmed by you. 

“That among other things.” 

“Would you—would you walk me to my room first?” 

The hesitance is clear in his eyes and the way his lips part as if to say, ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea’, but you're sure he’s really going to leave in a moment and you’re also sure he won’t deny you this one small thing before he does. 

“Okay.” 

It’s a short, silent walk through the living room and down the hall to your bedroom door, but you can feel him trailing behind you the whole way. You stop in front of your open door, turning face to face with him.  

“Thanks,” you murmur.  

His lips pull into a melancholy smile. 

“Anytime.” 

There’s nothing left to do but wrap your arms around each other once more, tuck yourself into the you-sized space between his head and shoulder and hold on for as long as he’ll let you. The hug lingers for longer than is wise. Spencer adjusts his arms looped around your waist, pulling you closer, and you nuzzle against his neck, grateful that at least he seems as reluctant to let this end as you are.  

But eventually, it relaxes. Your hold on each other loosens. His face is just inches from yours, and you get to study every plane and valley and line like you’d thought you never would again. It seems he’s doing the same—losing himself in the luxury of seeing you up close. 

“Will you kiss me goodnight?” you whisper, unable to muster any self-consciousness though you know it’s a fool’s errand. Spencer strokes your waist. 

“I can’t do that, honey.” 

“Why not?” 

His voice is just as quiet as yours. It falters slightly as he speaks, so gently, so patiently. 

“Because we’re not together anymore.” 

“Why not?” 

Your feeble, desperate supplication sounds pitiable even to you. You’re not proud, but you can’t find it in yourself to be ashamed, either. All you want is an answer. But it’s like a child asking why the sky is blue, or the earth is round. There is a definitive explanation, but mostly, the adult will shrug, and say, that’s just how it is. 

Spencer’s eyes squeeze shut. His head tilts down. 

“We can’t do this again, sweetheart. You know why we’re not together.” 

In theory—yes. You’d had so many conversations when you’d broken up. It had been a long, painful process, spanning multiple all-nighters at his kitchen table, nursing coffee and trying to convince each other and yourselves that it was the right choice. But it just feels like a horrible, horrible mistake. You feel desperate to explain this to him before he slips away again—the words come out flustered, inelegant as you cling to him.

“But I don’t think I’m getting better without you. I tried, I tried so hard to be good on my own, but everything is worse and harder and—and we weren’t sure about it then, and I don’t think it was the right choice, because I still really need you. Like, all the time. I’m—it’s not getting better without you. Nothing got better.” 

He swallows, eyes darting between yours for an infinite second. You’re breathless and your heart is pounding after your confession—you can feel your eyes stinging with the few tears that managed to escape as you spoke. 

“Everything is worse,” he agrees shakily. “Everything. I’m—I’m getting disciplinary infractions from Hotch like I’m a child because I can’t focus on anything. Game of Thrones is the most complex literature I can comprehend right now. I had to use a calculator the other day.” 

You want to laugh, but nothing is funny until he’s yours again. 

“Then come back. Please come back, Spencer.” 

Finally, he leans closer, until your heads are pressed together, and his nose bumps yours, feather light. You're dizzy. You exhale. He inhales. 

“I don’t think I knew how to leave in the first place.” 

When he kisses you, it feels like home. 

[starbylers]

After spending some time listening and re-listening and thinking a lot, I think I finally have my head wrapped around all these songs. This post is an exploration of what they could tell us about Mike’s story, and also a sort of theory I noticed once I saw the full picture. This playlist is—in my opinion—the story we’ve been theorising for the past two years reflected in 12 songs. That might sound hyperbolic but it’s simply what I heard and interpreted, and wanted to share because I enjoyed writing it. I hope this is an interesting read!

If you didn’t see my last post about why I do believe this is Finn’s Mike/ST playlist despite the somewhat ambiguous title you can read that here. It’s totally okay if you disagree but I’m not interested in debating it, and this analysis is coming from a perspective of assuming we've guessed correctly that the playlist relates to ST (obviously we can't 1000% verify that, but for the purposes of this post that’s my stance).

I’m going to focus on themes and overall meanings in the songs because in my opinion that’s where any connections are going to lie, rather than specific lines holding anything important (aside from a few which I’ll highlight) because I feel like that’s closest to how Finn would’ve thought while making it. Basically a macro level representation of Mike and what he goes through next season, something that would help a person get into the headspace of a character. Oh and my larger point is about the playlist as a whole, which will come together at the end :)

➠ Track 1 | Ballad of the Texas King

The first song is an anomaly in that I think it’s meant to set the tone more than anything else. These explain better than I could hope to:

"Itʼs a murder ballad, and as is common in murder ballads, deals with promise and innocence being snuffed out.” [link]

"Clarke sings of a chance encounter with an ominous figure that feels akin to selling your soul at the crossroads" [link]

Hey kid come along, something is wrong, I believe you now / All this to say only one way that this can go / Come with us for a ride / Don’t it feel like hell? Boy let me tell you, that’s where you are

• • •

A nice little coincidence, Finn himself is quoted as saying season 5 is a “crossroads”. I can see this song being an allusion to inevitable big choices with life-altering consequences next season, and also more mature themes being tackled within Mike’s story. I mean he’s stepping back into his role as leader, and now they’re older that will come with a lot more weight and responsibility in situations where the fate of the world is likely hanging in the balance. Not to mention how his personal struggles will be tied up in that, it’s probable that a slightly darker, more self-reflective—and transformative—tone is waiting for us in regards to season 5 Mike.

➠ Track 2 | What You're Doing

A simple song about a turbulent relationship where one person is unhappy because their partner is messing them around, and they're pleading with them to stop.

Look what you’re doing, I'm feeling blue and lonely / You got me running and there's no fun in it / Please stop your lying, you've got me crying, girl

The partner is the one holding control in the situation, while they feel at the mercy of their partner’s careless choices. The mood here is one of helplessness and desperation while still remaining open-hearted, hoping they’ll change.

I've been waiting here for you wondering what you're gonna do / If you should need a love that's true it’s me / Why should it be so much to ask of you what you're doing to me?

• • •

This is heavily M!Ieven coded. What do we know about their dynamic? Mike is always the one chasing El (trying to “win her back” in s3, terrified of her not needing him in s4, stressing about her being in danger all the time). El is consistently seeking autonomy (choosing to learn about her identity over pursuing romance with him in s2, choosing to break up with him in s3, choosing to leave him behind in s4, and I’m willing to bet she’s the one who removes herself from his storyline in s5). We know their separation will happen early season, and naturally things between them must be unstable leading up to this. El being the one to pull away while Mike stresses over it checks out considering these past patterns, and also the end of s4 with her already closing herself off while Mike appears at a loss.

➠ Track 3 | After The Earthquake

A song reminiscing on a relationship and the failure and death of it, with a sense of lingering nostalgia and unwillingness to let it go. It’s set to the backdrop of a metaphorical car crash.

It wasn't built to last / If you wake up you’ll remember the awful things I said / Looking back to the vibrant days / Those days I'd never let you fall apart but things fade / Why would I ever fall in love again when every detail’s over the guard rail? / Velvet curtains drawn, flowers at your feet / Say you’ll climb your way out of your wake now / Are you awake now?

• • •

In simpler terms…this is a break up song. The longing tone makes sense to me for M!Ieven because I’ve long suspected the initial split between them is not going to be super clean cut (this should make more sense later). Mike and El were together for a long time for their age, and have a lot of intense shared memories. El was also his first and only experience of relationships; it’s going to be difficult to detach. It being the right decision to end something doesn’t mean it’s easy or simple. Even if Mike is gay and didn’t truly like her romantically, he still loved her and in my opinion that distinction isn’t something he’s going to have figured out and made peace with the second it ends.

➠ Track 4 | Promises I've Made

Very straightforward and repetitive, and follows on seamlessly from the last song: this is about having trouble moving on from someone who’s left your life.

Ever since you have gone the days don't seem so bright and I wish I could forget you but I can’t / I have promised myself I wouldn't dream of you but I find that awful hard sometimes to do

• • •

Based on what I’ve seen people might fight me on this, but to me it’s M!Ieven coded mainly because of its positioning in the playlist (directly after a struggling relationship song + break up song) but also because it is technically about an ex love. Could we say it doesn’t need to be interpreted that specifically? Yes. I suppose it could be Byler coded too but personally...the way I would interpret it is as Mike moping over whatever happened with El. There’s not any intense emotional pining going on; if you listen it has a very laid back, chill sort of mood and is honestly very upbeat. There’s no deep heartbreak. It’s just about missing someone. Plus it sort of perfectly closes out the process we see over the last two songs of being unhappy with someone, to breaking up and grieving, to the typical post-break up struggle of navigating this hole in your life and naturally missing what once filled it. This is a whole sub-arc for Mike.

➠ Track 5 | Angst In My Pants

We’ve reached the gay section! This song is about trying to fit yourself into an acceptable—aspirational, even—life but never feeling content, and continuously trying to squash this troubling Feeling, the titular phrase: angst in (your) pants. Some people think it’s a reference to literal physical arousal but others including me think that in context it’s intended more as a metaphor for sexual frustration/dissatisfaction.

I hope it doesn't show, it'll go away / It's just a passing phase / When you’re all alone, you and your head / When you think you’ve made it disappear it comes again, hello, I’m here and I’ve got angst in my pants

The queer subtext here is very clear, I don’t think I even have to explain (check out the cover art too lol). The song closes with a realisation/acceptance that no, this “phase” won't ever go away i.e. it’s just who you are.

Give it a hundred years, it won't go away

I also thought one of the opening verse lines was an interesting segue from the last few songs:

But when you’re all alone and nothing bites you’d wish you stayed at home with someone nice

• • •

Angst In My Pants may aswell be titled Forced Conformity the thematic parallels to ST are that blatant. Another point for team Mike Wheeler actually is connected to the main themes of the show like all his other friends, and no it’s not because he’s somehow oppressed for being a nerd. Also rather than being about feelings for another person the song is about personal struggle with sexuality which excites me to think about in relation to Mike because we’ve been saying he needs to explore his own identity outside of being a love interest.

➠ Track 6 | The Better Side

A very sweet, slow, slightly melancholy song. I’ll be honest I cannot decipher more than 2/3 of the lyrics but here are the most meaningful ones of those I could:

I know you cry and I’m trying to keep you by my warmth

You’re never gonna see my eyes, you’re coloring all the skies you want to / I tried staying alive, keep my head on the better side when you’re far away

You’re on the better side you’re always the better one for me

You’re all that I need, I’m not gonna miss you anymore

My understanding is it’s about pining over someone who is a “better” choice, whatever that means in this context. Deciding you want someone, someone who you don’t currently have, someone who is maybe distracted, distant or physically absent? But vowing to change that because you recognise that you need them.

• • •

This directly follows the Gay Thoughts song, and precedes the Gay Thoughts song 2.0 so I feel safe interpreting it as Byler coded and about how it’s Mike’s turn to pine. (Also because “better” implies that there’s a “worse” i.e. this is a situation where you’re differentiating between two things i.e. in Mike’s case, Will vs El). I can envision Mike and Will getting moments together away from whatever chaos is surely going on, having the space to connect more where Mike starts becoming conscious of his feelings, realising slowly that Will is the “better” one for him. And as the song also suggests, perhaps Will has pulled away from him in the beginning. I think this is possible because the torment Will's likely going to endure from Vecna could understandably cause him to push Mike away, fearing his safety or him finding out how Will feels, and also I just don’t think he’ll be able to stand the pain of being M!Ieven’s couple’s counsellor for much longer without cracking. But I think Mike “it’ll be easier if we’re a team” Wheeler would make it his mission to fix any rift between them, the final line literally being I’m not gonna miss you anymore.

➠ Track 7 | Don't Ask Me To Explain

As far as I can tell, this song is about being afraid to face queer feelings for another person who is also hiding this about themselves, and being conflicted about whether to confess because you're not sure how they feel.

How will I ever know you enough to love you if you're hiding who you are? / How am I supposed to let it show when I don't even know? / Don’t move on without me, who will be watching my body when I sleep? / I don't want to be the one who's coming out first, I'd really like to but I'm just too shy

The end is an admission of…something. I’m not sure whether to interpret it as wishful thinking over this queer relationship you believe you can’t have, or as an offhand comment about forcing yourself to love someone you can’t because of your sexuality. Interesting either way:

It’s so easy to lie to myself and pretend that I could love you but I can't

I did do some research and the alleged true explanation of this song is it’s from one queer friend to another (man to woman, I assume both closeted, maybe a failed romance?) but I could only find one uncited source for that and everywhere else seems to agree with my interpretation so it seems when listening to the song that’s the story people hear. (Plus either way the song is about being queer. Undeniably so).

• • •

It’s not Byler coded we’re way past that, it literally just…is them. It does seem to suggest a level of internal conflict in Mike regarding coming out that I can’t say I expected (yes I have no doubts about canon Byler but I’m also a pessimist by nature—that should tell you how obvious their endgame is though lmao—so I assumed the Duffers would go wrong somewhere). I always thought he would be almost consciously clueless about himself until he finds out Will loves him, and the focus be more on him liking Will back rather than him liking boys (and obviously wasn’t a fan of that), but the prospect of Mike actually being aware and grappling with his sexuality is what we’ve been praying for and builds on the more low-level thrum of sexual confusion in Angst In My Pants. Oh and the song also could suggest Mike suspecting that Will likes him/is queer too before anyone confesses.

➠ Track 8 | What Do You Want Me To Do?

Another straightforward one. It’s quite angsty, a big contrast to the more sad feelings about a relationship from the earlier songs. This is about someone who left you for someone else/someone who walked out on you, who decides they want you back.

You walked out took your chance, turned your back on our romance / You said the change would do you good / But then the bubble burst your dream, turned into a nightmare scream / You came crawling to me your knees, and you were asking me to love you please

The main message of the repetitive chorus is basically: you want me to need you, but that’s not real love. You’re just using me to feel better about yourself.

What do you want me to do? Say that I need you more? Is that what real lovers do? Or only what you use me for?

• • •

I mean isn’t that last part how we’ve always described M!Ieven’s dynamic—all about aligning with the other’s needs whether for safety, validation or feeling ‘normal’, rather than genuine romance? I don’t think there’s any chance at all of El leaving Mike for someone else lol, as I said I don’t think we need to interpret these songs super specifically. But it does make me wonder: could we possibly see a moment of regression for El at some point in the season, after they separate? The focus here in my opinion is frustration at someone trying to re-enter your life when you know they don’t truly love you. Reflecting on their dynamic I talked about with earlier songs and their history in the show (El walking away, Mike scared to lose her), is it possible the break up could leave Mike struggling initially then he progressively understands why it was the right choice (especially after spending time with Will), meanwhile for El it’s the opposite—she’s more sure about breaking up but something happens later on that shakes her belief in herself. Her having one last hurdle to overcome in her dependency on Mike to finally break that pattern of hindering her growth by retreating to him could make sense. And based on this song…Mike would not be receptive to being El’s safety net. Growth for both of them.

➠ Track 9 | Substitute

Again, very angsty compared to earlier. It’s about a relationship characterised by false perceptions (focused on class), and those being what is holding it together. One partner is pretending to be something they’re not, cosplaying as someone else, and the other is also being dishonest/fake.

You think we look really good together / My fine looking suit is really made out of sack / The simple things you see are all complicated / Substitute your lies for fact / I see right through your plastic mac

The relationship breaks down because of this and their partner doesn’t truly want to fix things, and ultimately trades up.

Those crocodile tears are what you cry / It’s a genuine problem, you won’t try to work it out at all, you just pass it by / Substitute me for him / Substitute my coke for gin

Essentially: your partner not knowing the real you because you’re putting on a facade—the facade being the version of you they really like, the thing that was making you compatible—leads the relationship to fail. The literal title suggests neither of them as they are are what the other truly wants or needs.

• • •

Obviously this does not directly parallel M!leven in terms of the topic of the lying but in terms of the themes and core relationship issues…yeah. To me this could be about point Mike has reached after gradually coming to realisations about the nature of their relationship after it’s over, like I mentioned before. I can envision a mid-late season confrontation (or something less aggressive sounding lol) between them, pairing perfectly with the topic of the previous song. El scared trying to fall back on Mike and he’s like…no, we don’t work, I can’t be that for you anymore and this is why: betraying who he is (nerd) to impress her, trying so hard to play the “boyfriend” role (yet they never successfully emotionally connect), if he’s gay then there’s also the facade of straightness, etc. I think it would show a lot of emotional maturity from him honestly, and I really need him to have a strong grasp on what went wrong with El for them to have a shot at forming a healthy friendship, and also to psychologically process all that stuff before getting involved with Will.

➠ Track 10 | The Rebel Kind

A short song about life being tough when you don’t have much (this one is class-focused too), but still craving the freedom that comes from not following societal rules and pressures for how to do life “right”, and instead living on your own terms. Basically the struggle is worth not having to conform. The first verse sums it up pretty well:

They call us the rebel kind but they don’t understand the things a man must do to prove that he’s a man / It’s not easy but I don’t mind, I just wanna run with the rebel kind

• • •

Again, obviously the specific topic is not relevant to ST but the thematic parallels blew my mind, I mean the entire show is about people being outcasts and learning to find strength in that, and the final season is going to majorly drive that point. We know this from the fact that Will “being different” Byers is the one who’s arc is said to tie up the whole show. Now in regards to Mike…if this doesn’t scream forced conformity and deciding to reject it for your own happiness I don’t know what does. It perfectly captures the thematic end point of his arc next season (and not just his but probably the entire party’s in one way or another). Also the toxic masculinity reference in that one line applies heavily to Mike with his history of trying so hard to do what he thinks he supposed to do in going from boy to man i.e. We’re not kids anymore. Did you think we were never gonna get girlfriends?

➠ Track 11 | Block Rockin’ Beats

Another one I think is mainly to set a tone; no real lyrics just beats. In my opinion it comes after The Rebel Kind for a reason. Somehow it just makes sense, it’s got this really loud, frenzied, unrestrained energy to it.

➠ Track 12 | Just What I Needed

We end off with a love (or desire?) song. It’s interesting because it’s quite aggressive sonically but at the same time it talks about being with someone in a simple uncomplicated way:

I don’t mind you coming here and wasting all my time / I don’t mind you hanging out and talking in your sleep

…but it’s also very intense how you feel with them.

Cause when you’re standing oh so near I kinda lose my mind

There’s a repeated line that stuck in my head. It’s obviously written about a female subject, but there is such a rejection of the feminine going on:

It’s not the perfume that you wear, it’s not the ribbons in your hair

It’s saying those feminine attributes are not why this person is attractive—and yeah logically that means the subject must have those things, but as I’ve said I don’t think these songs need to be interpreted on such a specific level. The point being made is about a deeper connection. The line is just intriguing to me from the perspective of Mike being into boys, I mean he could’ve picked literally any other romance song.

I needed someone to feed / I needed someone to bleed / I guess you’re just what I needed

The message here is basically: I was craving the rawest form of connection/intimacy with another human being (that doesn’t have to necessarily mean sexual it’s just those visceral words feed, bleed in comparison to perfume and ribbons which sound very fluffy lol)…and now I’ve found you and it’s exactly what I was looking for.

• • •

With all the themes through the songs of rejecting fake relationships and conformity, and accepting and exploring queerness…Will Byers is obviously going to be the thing Mike needed. I’ve been saying (and so have many) but Byler isn’t happening till the end. Also the playlist finishing with this song is telling in my opinion. Aside from the Castle Byers Classics link, the title itself implies searching for something which is now found, a journey being over. I say this for the purposes of pushing my agenda about this playlist painting a narrative. Hear me out:

Personally……that’s not accidental. It just isn’t. Even if my more specific interpretations aren’t correct, I just cannot believe that this wasn’t curated to draw a particular picture. I believe in coincidences and if the playlist had been titled as it was with a bunch of random unconnected irrelevant songs I’d be the first person to file it under that. But the title and the inclusion of a song from Will’s official playlist and these specific songs in this specific order? Yeah it’s about s5 Mike and I cannot wait to see him! If you made it this far thanks for reading <3

[lovebvni]

The Star — An introduction to my Group Waiting Room

Finally, after months ( maybe even a YEAR ) of promising to make this blog, I am beginning it. I really wanted to make this blog a while ago to introduce this wr to so many people, but I haven't (OBVIOUSLY) but now, its here!

Let me start off with this, this waiting room is a waiting room anyone and everything who is a reality shifter has access to. Yes, there are personal invitations, but everyone has access. All you have to say is "I am going to shift to The Star." and you'll be there. The universe knows what you mean, and they wont wrong you and shift u to a literal star (unless that is what you want, obviously). But now lets get into what you will see when you get there

When first entering The Star for the very first time, you will be in a waiting room with "Welcome! Everything is fine." written in green paint on the wall. This is a reference to one of my favorite shows, The Good Place. Yes, I realize how ominous this may look or sound, but if you know me, I love being a bit creepy sometimes. The door to the left will lead you farther into the waiting room, the door to the right will lead you to a personal makeup/dress up room.

When going right, you will have the ability to change your appearance just like a video game character. You can change your height, weight, skin tone, whatever you want! Your desired body is yours to choose. This room is also fully customizable. For example, mine looks like the glitterizer from Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse (iykyk). I would always suggest going to your personal dress up room before anything else. But if you decide not to, there will be plenty more opportunities for you to change how you look and what you are wearing.

The next place you will enter is a long hallway, and ther will be almost a 'check in' when you get there. At the check in, there will be two dogs -- a yorkie and a chiwawa mix. These are my cr dogs that I love very much. They will give you a ticket and a pamphlet on where to go/the layout of the waiting room. In that card, there will also be a personal message to you from your spirit guides! Everyone has at least one, and they may be long, they may be short, but they will be for YOU and YOU only (unless you want to share with others, of course.)

After this, you have the ability to walk into the common area, which is just full of chairs and places to chat. There are many other things you can do here, but I will list the other rooms below.

a power testing arena -- simply a place you can test a power you want to have/do have and see how powerful it is. you can also train with other people/npcs :p

Deity worship/work area -- there is a hallway where every deity (from a to z) have a room that is just there's. you have the ability to go in and worship or speak with them there. they are not always active there, as they probs have other shit to do, but you can always leave a message and they can request your presence :D

Wild Shift/Teleport -- you will be sent to a random place in the universe that will entertain you. It may not be a dr you made, but it is always open to you to be there. You have the right to shift out any time if you do not like it (obviously)

A POOL ROOM -- ok i love pools, so obviously i scripted multiple pool rooms there. they are so pretty, and i have just been told some mermaids hang out there in their free time

multiple cafes/places to eat -- self explanatory. any food in the universe is accessible to you. these cafes/restaurants are run by helpers, lumas from Mario cart and Chaos from Sonic. They are so cute and sweet, they can also duplicate when needed.

MALLS !! -- idk man i love shopping and trying on clothes w my friends, stfu

Media areas -- there are two main media areas, a library and a theatre (both traditional and digital, also can be for multiple people or one person)

Therapy/talk with your guides/ a multidimensional therapist-- to do this, we connected with a reality where reality shifting is normalized, and there are therapist who work interdimensional. they are always willing to help. all meetings are confidential and will not be spoke about with any being

two 18+ areas -- i only call them 18+ because thats whats socially acceptable here. there is a topic area and an actual... yk.. LMFAOO

Those are all the like, public spaces! Now onto the ports.

A port is similar to an airport, which is why you got a ticket when entering. The ticket will have your port number and how to get there inscribed on it. I personally get to mine via an elevator. When entering your port, will be greeted with a personal waiting room -- one you can only access on your own unless you open it to other people. Just like with everything in this wr, you can change everything with intention and/or visualization.

The ports are usually two floors, these floors have secret hidden doors on the walls to your waiting room. On either side of the door, there will be a script to that dr that you have made -- either physically in a reality you came from or from your intention/imagination. On top of the doors, the place you will be shifting too will be written.

For example, if I am shifting to Alice in Wonderland, my script will be on the right (which you can grab and hold or just scroll through) and Alice in Wonderland will be written on top. The door will open when I step close, and I will be shown the exact moment I am shifting to.

In your DR port, anything is possible. You can manifest, enter the void, script, change the port appearance, whatever you want! Lumas and Chaos will also be at your service here :)

And, that's pretty much all I have for these wrs! I guess another thing I would say is you can shift to group drs/wrs from here but that is kinda self explanatory if you ask me.

I hope you all like this, and I am really excited to meet you guys there!!

Love and excitement

the abyss

(if u saw this already no u didn’t. tumblr was being weird LMFAO)

[laracrofted]

down comes the night

synopsis: on a cold midnight in the dead of winter, gotham city's district attorney is murdered.

pairing: batman!bob floyd x fem!reader (lucky)

warnings: 18+ minors and ageless accounts dni, character death (obviously), mentions of death and mob violence, language (wc: 1K)

note: while i'm not planning to write a full series for batman bob – more like connected one shots and blurbs, because i can only focus on one series – i knew i absolutely had to write this scene, which has been in my head all week.

Tears are frozen in your lashes.

You saw him on Saturday. He was alive on Saturday. You saw him.

He wrapped an arm around your shoulders, mussed your hair like an annoying older brother and smacked a drunken and damp kiss on your cheek. He was alive.

"Did you hear me?" Bradley asks you – no, Commissioner Bradshaw asks you. His coat hangs around your shoulders, overly large on your frame, smelling like leather and coffee and cigar smoke. He doesn't smoke, or maybe Bradley just doesn't smoke around you.

He has always been so delicate around you. You still remember when another officer in the Major Crimes Division made some crass comment in front of you, and Bradley barked out a harsh, "Watch your mouth. You're in the presence of a lady," and silenced the room.

Or at least, until Jake smirked and not even bothering to look up from his paperwork, drawled, "Oh really? Where? I don't see any ladies around here. I only see Lucky."

You shot him a withering look, and Jake grinned, green eyes glittering in the dim yellow light of the office.

Bradley says your name again, breaking you from the warmth of the memory, plunging you back into the cold of the night, like a frozen surface of a lake, cracking under your weight.

You're so cold. Swallowing is almost painful.

You look at him, cheeks cold, eyes dim and lifeless. "How?"

A croak, barely audible, but Bradley pales. He opens his mouth, but Bradley's voice isn't the one that answers your question.

"A single shot to the back of the head."

His voice is low and hoarse and if the circumstances were different, kind of attractive. He sounds like cigar smoke and aged whiskey, deep and solid.

You've only seen him a few times.

You'd come looking for Jake up here once and found him up here – up here with him. He spotted you before Jake did and sidled back into the shadows, ready to disappear, and Jake looked over his shoulder.

"That's just Lucky. She's good," Jake reassured him. He beckoned you forward with a waved palm. You quietly handed him a styrofoam cup of coffee and watched the shadows. He watched you back, silent and watchful.

You've never heard his voice before.

Under different circumstances.

You don't have the luxury of different circumstances. You only have these.

"Execution style?"

He says nothing, which might as well be a confirmation.

"A mob hit?"

You can only see the bottom half of his face in his mask. His mouth looks vaguely impressed, pitched to the side.

You recall, "He slipped a USB into my clutch on Saturday. He must've done it when I wasn't paying attention or something."

You remember Jake's arm around your shoulders, his lips warm on your cheek, on your hairline.

"He left me a video. He said..."

Trust Bradshaw and Batman. No one else. Everyone else is on a payroll, kid. You suck in a breath and do your best not to cry again. Moisture stings your eyes. Damn.

"He knew, didn't he? He was making plans. He must've known."

You know what Jake would say now.

Everyone wants to kill a District Attorney in Gotham, Lucky. We might as well make, 'Mob bosses want me dead,' the new re-election slogan.

You can almost hear his voice, can almost see his grin.

Bradley nods. "Someone always wants to kill a good D.A., but yeah, Jake knew. He always knew."

You scoff.

Of course, Jake knew.

Jake knew and didn't run. Didn't enter protective custody. Didn't do anything but show up in the court room and smile in the faces of the men who wanted him dead. Damn him and his reckless righteousness. Damn him.

"Hey, Lucky..." Bradley looks sideways into the shadows. "You should probably call in sick for the rest of the week." You look at him sharply, and Bradley holds up his hands in a placating gesture. "You could be in danger. These are dangerous people. We don't know who exactly Jake pissed off."

You could almost laugh. Who didn't Jake piss off?

"He'd want you to be safe, is all," Bradley finishes, stuffing his hands in his pockets, shoulders hunched. Moonlight glints off of the silver badge at his hip.

You look at him dully. "Jake didn't run. Why should I?"

"And now Jake's dead," Bradley says softly.

And now Jake is dead.

He won't ruffle your hair or grab you coffee in the mornings. He's dead. He's dead.

You abruptly shake your head, almost robotically. Cross your arms.

"I'm an Assistant District Attorney. I can help."

"No," Bradley responds immediately. "For all we know, someone in the DA's office is crooked. You start poking around all of the sudden and..."

He doesn't need to finish that sentence. You could end up like Jake.

You bite down on your lip and cast your gaze into the shadows. "You. What'd Jake say I'd do?"

Batman looks at you, serious and searching, for a long moment, which feels even longer under his gaze. "You'd help. He said, if something were to happen to him, you'd help."

You hold his gaze. "Then I'll help."

And out of the corner of your eye, Bradley sighs.

Bradley leaves before you. He gets a call and heads downstairs – but not before offering to have one of his men drive you home whenever you're ready, which makes you smile weakly.

You expect him to leave soon after. You're surprised when Batman lingers.

You ignore him, mostly, watching the glittering snow dance and glimmer and fall in the wind, pinpricks of reflected light in the darkness, almost like stars.

"He..."

And Batman hesitates.

And damn, isn't that something? Isn't it something to see a masked vigilante – a feared predator, a scourge of the underworld – measure his words?

"He was... a good man. He was my friend. I'm sorry."

You stare. You don't blink. You barely even breathe.

"Thank you."

He dips his chin in a nod – his strong chin – and in the edges of the brightness pouring from the spotlight on the roof of the GCPD building – which bears his symbol, a sign of hope and fear, depending on who bears witness – you swear you catch a glimpse of blue in his eyes.

Before you can look closer, can step closer, Batman is gone, melting into the shadows again, disappearing into the dark and bleak night in a rush of wind.

Standing here alone – without him – feels even colder somehow.

note: will i wish i'd edited this in the morning? probably. do i care right now? not at all. also, down comes the night is now the official name for this universe, which i love, but of course, batman bob is always acceptable 😌

summoning a few friends who might be interested: @sometimesanalice @roosterbruiser @callsignspark @rhettabbotts @yanna-banana @ryebecca @withahappyrefrain

[heretherebedork]

So. Let's talk about virginity, sex, the pressure to both have sex and not have sex and what it means and what it doesn't mean and what desirability can mean to people.

Now, the first note on this is that this is gonna come from (my best version of) a tempered Western perspective. I am full on American and I do not know the details or in and outs of Thailand's relationship with virginity versus sex, particularly in the queer landscape. I, frankly, barely know that in Western terms. So this analysis is just me doing my best to use what the show has given me in order to discuss the idea of Mew's virginity in the series, why it matters to so many people and why it is honestly shaping a lot of the conflicts in this series.

Because literally the first scene we from the entire friend group is Boston claiming he was trying to help Mew get sex and Mew exasperatedly asking him to stop caring about that.

But it's obvious that everyone cares. And we see that again and again. Everyone seems to care that Mew is a virgin and wants that to change for him more than Mew himself down. And this is just... often, frankly, true. There is no one more bothered by someone else's virginity than someone who doesn't have theirs.

It's Boston who calls him a sweet virgin as a deterrent while To takes it as a challenge but the focus is still on that virginity and the mean of that virginity. That it means he won't be a know it all or pushy and he won't be 'like the others' (in this case like Boston) and that Top wants that as a change of pace.

But Boston is sitting right there talking to someone he fucked and hearing that from him is not what he wants to hear. Boston is very pleased to be a slut and I actually think that Top basically saying 'you're boring because you have lots of sex' is the worst insult Boston can hear and might have really started a lot of his upset we see between him and Top.

It's because Top took a part of their identity that they share, part of the reason that Boston pulled him into the group in the first place, and turned it into an insult.

And that goes back to virginity versus promiscuity that adds weight. Top is interested in Mew because he's a virgin, he's sweet, he's not going to be fierce, he's not going to be like Boston who is fierce and knows what he wants and is exceedingly comfortable with his own sexuality and specifically sex.

Because as we see, Mew is also comfortable with his sexuality. He just expresses it differently than Boston and Top do. And that's also just so important to me. Honestly,

Mew owns his sexuality and his virginity. He is not set on changing anything until he knows it is exactly what he wants and doesn't want. Top said he was going to be sweet and, frankly, he turned out just as fierce just in a different way.

(The comparison to Boston, though, the instant connection between the friends and how much they are going to hurt each other because they are constantly being compared by the world and by themselves because they have placed importance on these things and just Oh Man. The weight of Mew's virginity on everyone else and how Boston sleeps with everyone but discourages Top from going after Mew too seriously and how Ray's sex habit is obviously part of his own struggles with feeling like a burden while Boston seems to just like sex and how there's absolutely nothing wrong with any of these approaches in their own way... Ray might be fucked up but it's not because he's fucking.)

A change of pace can be something welcome you never expected and that's why Top is going to be destroyed by Mew. Because Mew, and his virginity, represent something new to him. Something different. Something he doesn't know how to handle or how to see.

I think that a big part of Boston's issue here is feeling like he is being judged based on Mew's virginity and Top's interest in that. Boston craves the feeling of desirability and thrives off it (as we've seen and continue to see) and having Top, someone he has fucked and enjoyed, express that a virgin is more desirable than he is was a blow to him and his ego and his comfort and his own view of himself.

Because when virginity is upheld rather than just something to lose (which is all Boston wants it to be, something that Mew loses) it becomes a virtue rather than something to be changed.

Yes, Top still wants to sleep with Mew. But suddenly he's looking for more.

Boston's relationship with Mew's virginity is fascinating to me. Because he is truly obsessed with Mew losing it but also with this idea that it can't be a good thing. Boston is so focused on Mew losing his virginity that when faced with the idea that Top is interested in more... he loses it a bit. Boston values himself for being sexually desirable and desired. He wants to fuck and be fucked. And to be told that Top, who is supposed to be liked him, wants something different?

It's a threat.

Boston is trying to act like he knows Top better than Top knows himself and he is pushing this idea because his own identity is deeply wrapped in casual sex for the sake of casual sex and not being interested in dating and seeing Top not just express interested in Mew specifically because he's a virgin but then to also start talking about dating him? That is a direct threat to that part of how Boston values himself, of how Boston finds his own worth.

If being good at sex is less desirable than being a virgin than what happens to Boston? If the people having the same casual sex as him are starting to think about dating, what does that say about him when he isn't?

Top is doing what he's doing because he wants to do it but, to Boston, it is a judgement against him.

I am actually very interested in this because while it is at least partially jealousy, I think there's more to this.

It's about virginity and promiscuity and how both get judged depending on who's judging and what matters to that person and Boston is suddenly seeing himself being judged in a place where he's always been comfortable.

Boston's safe and comfortable place is this club and the people he sleeps with and Top's interest in Mew is a blow not just to his ego but also a sudden change to his own self-image. He is not the desirable one despite the fact that he has shaped himself to be desirable.

Okay, I don't even know where this went.

But anyway I love how the show gave us a virgin who knows exactly what he wants (which ain't it yet) and different aspects to relying on your sexuality and I didn't talk about Ray much in this because he didn't have a lot to say directly about Mew's virginity or Top's desire of it which was my focus but Ray is using sex as an alternative to therapy and it ain't working out so hot so far for him but that's just another story.

... Anyway. Only Friends is definitely interesting and I am absolutely wondering where it goes from here because I can already see how much Boston will hurt Nick because a relationship just absolutely is not even on his radar at this point and, in fact, is entirely off his radar because it goes against all the aspects of himself he currently finds value in.

[justpearlysworld]

Your hyper feminine reader x König has me SCREAMING. Too precious and loving for this world !!!! :……)

Can I request pregnant hyper feminine reader x König???

Like can you imagine König’s big hands rubbing readers belly and cooing at his child as she wears a lil soft pink slip dress fit snug over her belly and he NEVER lets her lift a finger. If he was clingy before they’re now joined at the hip! 🎀🎀

i’m not gonna lie, i sat here for like a good 2 minutes trying to understand the request😭 like it literally wasn’t clicking in my brain lol ,, hope you enjoy!!!!!��‍❄️🐻‍❄️🐻‍❄️

also,, i mashed the actual request with some general headcannons!!

könig w/ pregnant! hyperfem!reader

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·. .·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·. .·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

*~*holy guacamole!!!!! you’re pregnant!!! and it’s his!!!!!!!!!!!

*~*obviously it’s his but he is not safe from self doubt

*~*he absolutely fell deeper in love with you after you told him <33 he had always wanted nothing more than to be even more connected to you than he was before. now that you were bearing his child, he couldn’t leave you alone!

*~*want to cook? absolutely not! sit down libeling! let me cook for you, ja?

*~*want to help around the house with chores? that’s absurd! sitting down and looking pretty is just fine for him!

*~*seriously, he wouldn’t really let you do anything! you just lied in bed, snuggled up to all of your stuffies while he did the bulk of the house work

*~*when you had begun putting on weight from the baby, you had requested to go to some of the boutiques that you usually go to and find some maternity clothes

*~*this particular store had all the pink and lacy dresses you could ever want!

*~*könig followed you around like a post puppy while you picked up some new panties, bras, lingerie sets, and loungewear

*~*while könig was looking around a separate part of the store, you had found a small pink slip dress that had white lace as trim around the bottom of the dress as well as the cleavage

*~*this was your kinda thing! for a little while, you’ve been stuck wearing königs shirts because your other clothes didn’t fit and you hadn’t gone out to get new ones.

*~*you threw that little gem into the basket alone with a few other items you had found.

*~*you had both quickly checked out and made your way home so you could finally get refreshed!

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·. .·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·. .·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

you carefully took a step out of the shower with your hand falling on the side of the sink. once you had both feet on the floor, you wrapped yourself in a big pink towel and began your rigorous skincare routine.

your hands danced along your face as you took a deep breath of relaxation. you had done your serum, moisturizer, toner, as well as the stuff for your hair.

you scampered over to the the door that had the bag from earlier hanging on it. you pulled the items out carefully until you reached the bottom of the bag. you pulled the little slip dress out and giggled quietly to yourself. you let the towel drop and placed the dress over your head and pulled it down.

after some adjusting, you had finally gotten yourself all situated. the dress itself had minimal padding but because of your growing supply of milk, your breasts naturally looked bigger an fuller. you spritzed on some perfume and made your way to the bedroom.

the door to the bathroom shutting was a big indicator that you were out of the bathroom. könig glanced over at you but was enamored. he shamelessly raked his eyes over your body.

the way your plush thighs and round hips looked under the soft, satin material had almost sent his brain into overdrive. it was nothing compared to the way your perfect tits looked! squished against the fabric of the dress, begging to be touched.

-“liebling, wann hast du das bekommen? i do not remember you grabbing this at the store?”

-“i picked it out while you were looking at something else! do you like it?”

-“of course i do! you look very soft”

you giggled and climbed onto the bed. you scooted around until you were pressed against his chest. his hair fell off his shoulders and had enveloped you, almost like a security blanket.

his hands roamed around your thighs and abdomen but had stopped on your tummy. the warmth of his hands seeped through the fabric and basically warmed your whole body up. you nuzzled into the underside of his chin and snaked your arms around his.

you let out a small content sigh and smiled sweetly up at him.

“i love you so much kö”

“ich liebe dich auch, engel”

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·. .·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·. .·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·. .·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·. .·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

(a/n): hope you enjoy!!🤍🤍🐻‍❄️

Requests are Open!

[gotylocks]

Willow Month 2023: Day 2- Favorite Relationship

If you read my day 1 entry, this will be similarly unsurprising. Obviously Kit and Jade are my favorite relationship on the show. From the first moment Jade flicked her eyes down to Kit's lips, I knew I was going to ship them regardless if it was canon or not.

Thankfully, I didn't have to wait long to have my feelings confirmed by the show itself. I adored how their relationship was built. The foundation of inseparable best friends ("For Kit and only Kit", "I can't do this without you") gives way effortlessly to the clear, overwhelming, yet buried love and desire they have for each other.

One of the most fascinating things about them is while most stories (especially mainstream) will build both romantic and sexual tension in a queer relationships by keeping them apart. Willow really said "What if the tension comes from them kissing immediately and then not being able to unpack that till way later?" It makes their every interaction have this hidden weight to it, whether they're just joking around around the rest of the crew (almost trying to pretend they're "just good friends" so nobody suspects anything, which Boorman clocked day 1) or they're having an argument as if having that tension bottled up is rippling and causing easy discussions to be fights (specifically thinking about the Wildwood).

For Kit's brashness and bad attitude with everyone else, when it comes to Jade, she acts so differently. Where she holds grudges a lot, Jade admitting she had been lying to her about training results in Kit pouting, sure, but in the immediate aftermath of the Battle of the Slaughtered Lamb it's like she has already processed it. Instead, she is in full "Comfort Jade" mode, which continues into Nockmaar.

Jade's statement "Who protects Kit? I do." in the finale hits me so hard because it doesn't come off as Kit is a damsel always needed to be saved. Instead, it has the feeling of "She is my partner and we need each other. We keep each other safe. We look out for each other." When they're separated, they're capable, but they're better together. They're better together because they push each other to be better after the training lie is revealed. There are so many moments where they deal with the exact baggage they need to in order to be in a romantic relationship together.

This can be individual baggage like Kit's anxiety about her connection to Bavmorda or Jade's discovery of her heritage; or it can be shared baggage like learning Kit's dad killed Jade's. At each step, they go through these huge moments that could have massive ramifications in their lives, they deal with them, and they look at each other like "As long as we're together, we can get through anything."

I also think about how at no point does Kit lash out at Jade for pulling her away from her father, as all of that anger is directed at Elora (despite Jade being the one that physically restrained and removed her from the Tomb). This ties back into that feeling that they protect each other. She doesn't blame Jade because she's her partner, she had no choice but to protect her, whereas Elora had no responsibility to save her, which also is a big moment that sets up their connection later (but that's another essay).

The trust Jade shows Kit at the end of episode 7 ("I think you're going to make that decision on your own") hits me so hard because it is this clear feeling of growth on both their parts. It's Jade taking her hands off the wheel and making it more of an equal partnership between them, where up to now, she's often had to be the voice of reason to rein in Kit's poor decision making.

"When you love someone, and they need you, yes, you jump off the edge of the world to go and get them."

I've made the joke that Kit and Jade made me believe in love again, but it's true. Their connection, support, friendship, deep attraction, and overwhelming love for each other felt so vivid, so real, so beautiful, there are painfully few relationships that live in my heart and mind like Kit and Jade.

Oh and they had the two most intimate and beautiful kiss scenes I've seen in ages, if not ever.

[justatypicalwizard]

Have a brainrot goin' around my head.

Fluff to angst to fluff.

Warnings: mention of self hate

Sanemi with a reader who is from the present. You were sucked up to their era with the only thing in your hands- your phone.

The battery somehow isn't dying so you can use the device all you want. It doesn't have internet or GPS connection obviously. Nontheless, the rest is fine.

You have to ask the Hashira kindly not to slash through your phone when it iluminates or starts to speak/play music. You also have to tell them, explain very very carefuly that the thing is not alive.

Sanemi is unimpressed when he sees the small thing. He has no clue how it works but his mind is not capable of imagining just how many things it can do.

When you show them how you swipe on the screen with your finger they are amazed, silent and some of them trembling to see what it can do.

You on the other hand don’t know what to start with, how to explain.

When you decide to show them the camera they all squeeze together like you asked them. You want to get the Hashira to fit in one picture.

"That me?" Sanemi's voice is quiet when he sees his face and exposed chest on the photo. He's in the back with a focused expression.

"You want another one?" Your voice is slightly teasing which makes him anoyed, suddenly he feels small and stupid. He just doesn't know why.

"Mhm." The man mumbles not shifting an inch when you tiptoe a bit to the back.

"Your face is the same." You laugh showing him the new photo and the previous one.

"You keep them?" He asks. He thought they dissapeared as soon as you stop playing with them.

"Yeah, as long as this thing is working." You point to the phone. "Your photo will be here."

Sanemi suddenly feels a tad shy. You would have his image so close to you? Is it like keeping a painting, like the one you get when you're about to marry someone. But these paintings lie. This thing is 100% exact. He's there, in that box and he doesn't know how to feel about it.

"What else can it do?" He shouldn’t be interested. This is some child's play and he shouldn’t be bothered. But it does spark something in him when he sees you manage the thing, you’re so good at it, so precise and swift.

Sanemi doesn't like that feeling. He knows that the thing in your hand is useless, he has to be right. No matter how fancy it looks like and how many magical things it can do, in the end it's like a doll, it's a toy. Meaningless, he's sure.

"Um, you can write in it. If I'd have internet... eh, there is a way that you can write to other people that also have phones. I can't do it now but in my times i could and did. Look." You open your chat app, it doesn't work but you open a random conversation and start to type. The message never got delivered but the text is there.

Sanemi grips the fabric of his pants. He can't write. He doesn't even know what's written there because you use some weird signs that he has never seen before. Fuck it. He won't tell you, not like you realised.

Then you showed him the calculator. You figured you could show that your device is multitasking using things they will understand like reading, writing and calculating.

Suddenly, your braty face and sheepish eyes morphed in Sanemi's mind. When you looked at him the man felt scrutinised. Writing was getting more popular amongst people but calculating was a skill reserved for the great minds, especially these unearthly looking signs and long lines of symbols.

You could do it. You talked about it as if it was nothing, just an everyday thing.

Sanemi looked past you, he felt an invisible weight rest on his shoulders. Like someone big grabbed his body from behind, whispering to his ear that he'll never know anything, that he's limited and closed minded. Just look how stupid he is.

When the man traced his gaze back to you he felt... respect.

You did tell them that your world was vastly different but he underestimated you, laughed at you, minimised you. Now it's him who feels small and idiotic. You mentioned these were the most basic things your small decice could do. He didn't even want to hear about the advanced stuff, he's too embarassed of the thought he wouldn't understand them.

Sanemi's big arms and world-saving tights felt useless compared to your mind. You were intelligent. What could you do to him, bring out of him, threaten him with, see through him? Sanemi felt the hair on his neck stand, goosebumps flashing through his hands when he spiralled into these thoughts.

What would win? His strength or your mind? He wanted to try it, to hurt you just to het stabbed back at. Stabbed in a place where noone previously reached. He wanted to get torn down and forcefully broken up into parts. He wanted you to figure him out so that he would be safe in his conviction that he never opened up for anyone. You just simply let yourself in forcefuly.

Tell me everything is going to be alright without speaking. Know when I need you without me asking. Understand me not needing me to spill all my bitter life before you. Hold onto me because you know I'm capable. Trust me because you know I'm worthy. Take me as I am. Love me.

It will be a game of ups and downs with him. Surprisingly Sanemi is a man who knows respect. He doesn't have it for many people but you, you've earned it. He's madly in love with your sharp, compared to his, mind. One look and he knows you know. Nothing to hide from you, even if he wants. Sanemi is a person who lived through a lot, that's why he finds himself in tough love, seeking forcefulness, sometimes even saddness in order to fill up his heart with any type of strong emotion.

Instead of feeling suffocated like he anticipated he feels embraced by you. You don’t tear through his walls like he wanted. You maneuver around him, like a warm spring breeze, filling him up to the brim with love and understanding. You're slow and respectful, delicate and pure to the point of making him scream and punch the training dummies. He wants to throw you away, run from you, hurt you so that you hurt him. Instead he feels caressed and understanded, soothed and loved. He doesn't want this because he doesn't deserve this. He can't forget what he did and what he will do but you make him, when you hold him in your arms he feels as if he could nearly let go of his weights.

It will take a lot of sleepless nights, slow rocking, sweet kisses, caressing his messy head and long, exhausting conversations to make im accept the fact that he is, in fact, loved.

Ok, this escalated quickly but these where the type of emotions I thought he would develop.

See you some other time.

-I need to think about a short name from my username but the only thing that comes to my mind in trash. Please don't call me that, I'll think about something.

[mecachrome]

hello! i read you primer (which was lovely) and if you dont mind, what makes you think that lando has a high eq? not that i disagree with you but i feel like high intelligence of any kind is not something that is commonly associated with lando (i say this with affection of course) thats why it stood out for me :)

hey anon!!! first of all thank you so much :) and ofc i'd be more than happy to share my perspective although of course this is just my very random meta as a semi-uninformed oscar fan hahaha

ok not to go off on too much of a tangent but i think something i often encounter in real people fandom is this ig very restrictive perception of "intelligence" when it comes to examining celebrity upbringings and career choices? which i don't think necessarily comes from a malicious place, and i mean obviously a major factor & meaningful context behind lando specifically not finishing school is that he is extremely rich and had major financial security to pursue his dreams, and then on top of that he's definitely prone to saying many impulsive and objectively uninformed things, but...... just as a purely personal philosophy i try to avoid ascribing too much weight to "traditional" notions of intelligence or one's academic success. like i do find it endearing that oscar studied engineering subjects because i did too, but just as an example if you look at oscar it's really like, Well the difference between his education and lando's is frankly MUCH less pronounced than the difference between oscar's and lily's (read: a-level cs is not going to make you a software engineer...), even though people often act like lando is the dumbest person in the world and oscar is some engineering genius. and then furthermore when you examine the actual types of "intelligence" useful to someone becoming a successful racing driver aka the rote memory, technical knowledge, and sheer intuition required for honing race craft and maximizing pure pace around a circuit, lando is just as smart as any driver. or at least that's what i think!!!

let me put the rest below the cut........

also to some degree i really do believe it's smarter to know that you're wasting your time in school if you can be doing something else that will be more fulfilling and is accessible and achievable to you, because doesn't that just afford you extra time to practice and hone your craft and get further with your life? again with lando this was a decision that could only have been made with a massive safety net and undeniable amounts of privilege, Which I Recognize, but just like—idk. i think it's fine to not like school, and even though Lando Norris specifically certainly does not need his academic history defended i try to remain consistent in not moralizing the specific dimensions of someone's intellect.

but anyway!!! that doesn't really have anything to do with eq or your question HKLSDFH i just like overexplaining... in terms of eq, i think it kind of just inherently shows in how lando makes and maintains his friendships honestly, which all goes back to the idea of his empathy. and this is perhaps a bit of a fannish meta oversimplification and obviously everything i say is VibesTM at the end of the day but i do think he's someone who's just incredibly and stubbornly loyal, and that even though some of the things he says come off as callous to fans who examine his intent through the lens of their own ideologies, they're actually usually perfectly fine in the context of his relationships and the general culture of the f1 paddock. like he's been friends with maxf and co since he was a functional baby and is somehow still codependent with these people who aren't actually properly relevant to the sports bubble he occupies at all anymore, and yet that hasn't changed the fundamental makeup of the connections he's made because he just, like... values people.

like tps and mclaren personnel and pretty much every driver on the grid etc. all genuinely LOVE lando, and imo he's very self-aware of how he comes off to fans and does show a lot of grace despite............certain things. like he's not going to always Say The Right Thing in the moment, but he generally understands how people feel about him and why they react to the things he says, which is why he's so effective at both marketing himself and hiring people who can market him better (how many other drivers have built up a branding as strong as ln4 & quadrant before the age of 23!)

the way i see it is essentially that lando's "honesty" is part of his eq. because formula 1 is an entertainment product built off bullshit, but actually successful and healthy and sustainable outfits need honesty and accountability to thrive. and ultimately lando is, at least within a sporting context, a deeply accountable person. Also speaking again of different perspectives of intelligence: for ex mclaren works the way it does because zbrown understands his place, andrea understands his place, and lando and oscar both understand their places!!! like zak brown's savvy is in business so he handles the press conferences even though that's usually the tp's job, and andrea understood that key was ineffective in his role so he retooled the entire engineering triumvirate, and then lando and oscar... work as teammates because they have a productive and collaborative understanding of each other and what they're meant to deliver every week.

idk if that makes sense really. but i think lando takes on a lot of responsibility and clearly cares deeply about the team and is very vocal about that, regardless of whether "he's too scared to be max's teammate" doubters believe it alksdfhlkfdh, and i think this kind of... general refusal to entertain bullshit in a world of bullshit & the fact that he's still friends with daniel and close to maxv and all these people who he's apparently deeply wronged according to certain corners of the internet etc. etc. is a pretty solid reflection of that eq. he doesn't always know what to say but he usually means the right thing, most of the time..... and as much as oscar is clearly mature beyond his years i don't think lando has ever shown an inability to face the heat as the senior driver and team leader at mclaren? like if you watch any recent interviews where he answers technical questions or discusses where mclaren is developmentally or their place in the championship fight he always speaks very well and confidently and measuredly. like IDK. maybe i'm just crazy though. lmk if that makes no sense HDSLFKH sorry for this essay 😔

[sentientcave]

The Good Ol' Rugby Game

It's the middle of the so called "work week" and you know what that means:

IT'S WIP WEDNESDAY

I was thinking about Rugby AUs because have you seen the thighs on those lads? But I don't know anything about Rugby tbh this is just vibes and thots. Something somethin elaborate rituals. But it's also fun. Pardon my errors I wrote most of this on discord today

Reader is a trans man - No name but he's referred to as Ripper by Simon and Johnny because they think he's like a little terrier/ankle biter on the pitch (It's a pitch for rugby, right?). And he is.

Contains: Mentions of alcohol, mentions of rugby, takeout food, Johnny and Simon, bros being bros, you know how it is

You've won.

It takes a minute for the cheering to register, for you to realize that the whistle's been blown and the game is finished, and by the time you do realize, you're in the air, brawny arms hooked around your middle, flying until you hit the ground hard, Johnny on top of you. "Fuckin' beautiful!" He shouts, his voice hoarse. And then an even heavier weight drops down on the two of you, squeezing all your air out.

"Brilliant, lads," Simon growls, knocking his forehead against yours. "Fuckin' perfect play."

"Riley, you're going to break me if you don't get your fat arse up," you grouse. "You too, Tav. Fuckin' muppets."

"Aw, love you too, Ripper," Johnny lands a wet, sweaty kiss on the side of your head before he shoulders Simon off the two of you and pounces on the giant, kissing him on the mouth with zeal.

You get up with a groan, your whole body one big fucking bruise. "Shoulda picked football," you complain to no one in particular. "I'm going to feel this forever."

Johnny swats at you blindly as you limp off, somehow managing to connect, his hand a guided missile that's only capable of targeting asses.

It’s just an amateur league— You know that, everyone on both sides of the pitch know, but it feels like your neighbourhood never got the memo. As the seasons gone on, more and more people have been showing up, wearing green and white, and when you go out to the pub after games, you never have to buy your own pints. It’s almost like being a girl again, except now you feel at home in your own skin, and the only person that tries to grab your arse is Johnny.

You know it’s Johnny and Simon that everyone’s there for, and you don’t care— You’re proud of your huge friends. They joined the league a little after you did, newly retired from the military, both of them with too much energy and muscle and training to not play some kind of sport. And they rope you into training with them. Runs with Simon so early in the morning it’s still practically dark, running drills on free afternoons in the park, tagging along to the gym and watching Johnny lift insane amounts of weight. It’s more fun than you think you’ve ever had.

You’re definitely a third wheel, but they’re good about it, obviously together but obviously wanting you around, careful to include you.

And it feels good to be one of the boys.

You grab your bag from under the bench and head off the pitch, eager to go home and shower the grass stains and flecks of someone else’s blood off of you, maybe curl up with a pint of dark beer and a pint of chocolate ice cream. Everyone’s likely going out for drinks, but you’ve been jostled around plenty for the day, head still ringing a bit from an elbow you took to the side of the head during a scrum.

“Hey, Ripper,” Johnny yells after you. He has lungs, even after a game of shouting himself hoarse. “Ye comin’ to tha pub?”

“Nah, not tonight,” you shout back. “Can’t be arsed. Goin’ home to order a Chinese.”

He’s about halfway deflating, and perks back up at the mention of greasy take out. “Order for Si ‘n’ me too, aye? We’ll be round in an hour.”

“Alright!” you call back, because that’s easier than shouting across a crowd that you were really looking forward to cozying up in front of the tv and— Oh, right. “Bring beer!” That saves you a stop on your way home.

You get home and scramble to clean up a bit-- Johnny doesn't mind a bit of mess, but Simon will stare at clutter like it personally offends him (because it does), or worse, just start tidying up. He always tells you you're not as bad as Johnny, but it's not much of a consolation. Half the mess is your roommate's anyway, who is at her girlfriend's for the weekend, again. It likely won't be long till she moves out, and you'll have to leave your cozy little spot. But at least you now have large friends to help you move.

That done, you order takeaway and pop into the shower, tossing your sweaty uniform into your hamper, and you're just getting dressed again when someone knocks at your door. You nearly forget to tuck your packer into the pocket you've sewn into all your boxers, remembering only as you almost reach the door. If anyone on God's green earth will notice that you suddenly don't have anything in your pants where you usually do, its Johnny.

"Takin' ages," he complains when you finally do answer the door. Behind him, Simon is paying for the takeout, making the delivery man look so nervous it would be funny if you didn't feel bad.

"Didn't have pants on yet. And Si, you don't have to--" He shoves the paper bag at you, cutting you off. Okay. Fair enough.

Johnny kicks his boots off haphazardly at the door. Simon takes his off neatly and sets both pairs neatly to the side.

Johnny's already in the kitchen, stowing beers in the fridge, then banging cupboards open and shut looking for plates. You'd think he'd remember by now, but he never does.

"You guys didn't have to skip the pub, you know," you say, unpacking the bag of takeout on the coffee table. "Everyone'll want to congratulate you."

"S'no fun without our little Ripper," Johnny says, tossing you one of the few beers you did have in the fridge, grinning. "Wouldn't even bother with the league without you."

"Don't be ridiculous," you say, laughing. "You guys are good. Best we've got."

[nillegible]

(Part 7 of Stay, the MY time travel fic. Well, Chronologically follows Part 3, But you can read them any which way! Read the others using: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7)

“I can take a hint, you know,” says Qin Su a few days later. “I’m not going to keep chasing you if you’re not interested, you didn’t have to tell my father to interfere.”

“I. I did not do such a thing, Qin-guniang,” says Meng Yao.

She glares at him as if to divine how truthful he was being. An interesting precaution but ultimately futile. She wouldn’t ever be able to see through him if he chose to deceive her. “I suppose I’ll believe you,” she says. “Meng-shidi should know that I had the most uncomfortable discussion with my father today. Since it’s your fault – regardless of what you told anyone – you owe me!”

“This Meng Yao has little to offer, but is yours to command regardless,” he says, sweetly.

“Then call me Su-shjie. If you’re part of my sect, you should act like it.”

“Alright, shijie,” says Meng Yao with a smile, hoping that she’ll accept it.

“Better,” she says approvingly. Then, lighter, “It is hard to stay angry, Meng-shidi’spractically weaponized those dimples.” It startles a genuine laugh out of him. She really was the loveliest person; proof that Jin Guangshan’s seed was not all rotten.

“This Meng Yao will find Su-shijie to continue our conversation later? I’m to help demonstrate muffling talismans for the junior disciples today.”

“Of course, go on! I’ll see you later!” The last is a promise, she obviously intends to see it through.

It hurts a little less when he nods and agrees, before hurrying to the class he was meant to help with. They could be friends, this time.

This time, Meng Yao wouldn’t let anything happen to her.

(This time, he wouldn’t hurt her.)

---

If everyone else is also strangely kind to him for a few weeks after, then Meng Yao doesn’t really notice, nor make the connection, until he’s following Su-shijie and two of her friends on a trip to the market. He’s being used mostly to hold packages; the girls had picked up quite a lot of novels; more than fit into the few qiankun bags they had brought with them.

“Apologies to Meng-shidi, we didn’t think we’d be stopping here,” they’d said, or something along those lines, at four different places already.

Aside from the packages, he was only occasionally consulted over the appearance or worth of some small trinkets – one of the youngest disciples had recently received a sword, and they wished to give her gifts for the occasion – but as Meng Yao’s being treated to snacks as an apology for every hour the trip extends, he barely minds. He is free for the day and it’s almost fun.

Li Feilong finds a green ribbon, almost exactly of a shade to match with official Nie robes. Huaisang would like that, he thinks, just as she says, “Oh, doesn’t this look lovely?” holding it out. She wraps it around her wrist to observe the colour.

“Feilong-shimei’s partiality is showing again,” ribs Qin Su, eyeing the other wares, and picking a midnight-blue one for herself.

“Shijie,” Li Feilong huffs, before releasing the ribbon, saying under her breath, “But he is handsome, I don’t know how he’s only ranked seventh on that blasted list.”

“We’ve all heard it before, Feilong-shijie,” laughs Lin Biao. “Well, I suppose Meng-shidi hasn’t.”

“Meng-shidi!” says, Li Feilong suddenly, whirling towards him. “You used to be Sect Leader Nie’s deputy, were you not? Come, tell me if this colour truly matches his robes,” she says, and Meng Yao steps closer even though he’s sure it is close enough.

“It would be hard to tell them apart,” he says. “Though such a light silk would be more Nie-gongzi’s style than Nie-zongzhu’s. He doesn’t know if it’s because Nie Mingjue’s cultivation was so advanced that he could not tell the weight of his robes, but his silks were heavy.

“That doesn’t matter, thanks, shidi! Auntie, may I have three lengths of this, please?”

“Three lengths, Shimei?”

“Hush, Shijie. I’ll wear it to the hunt on Phoenix mountain, next season! I can edge my cuffs with it, to match.”

The three women pick out other ribbons as well, a pretty pale periwinkle, a few yellows and roses, and some Qin-sect blues. Meng Yao finds his eyes being drawn to the green ribbon again and again. He can’t really believe that he thought that, so what if Huaisang would like it? There was no shortage of green silk in Qinghe, and Meng Yao is no longer... no longer beholden to him.

Some habits were clearly hard to break, that is all, and ‘Huaisang would like that,’ is a decade long habit, that led to him buying multiple pretty things for him. Fans yes, for birthdays, but he’d spoiled him with other things, too.

Meng Yao had always treated him like a child, and somehow missed what was right in front of his face.

It doesn’t stop Meng Yao from buying a length of it before they leave, as well as some colours of thread to go with it. He slips it all into his sleeve, and pretends not to notice the curious looks that he gets form his three companions.

“Shall we return then?” he asks.

“Just a few boxes of tanghulu for mother, and then we can go,” Qin Su decides, and they nod, trailing after her.

On the way back, Qin Su asks, voice mild enough that he’s instantly on guard, “Will Yao-shidi be wearing a green ribbon to the hunt as well?”

Wait, what? When on earth had he given her that impression?

“This shidi will of course be in Sect colours,” he says, while he frantically tries to pick out how this misunderstanding had come about. “The ribbon is for a gift.”

“Oh, of course,” says Qin Su.

“At least agree with me that Nie-zongzhu should be ranked higher, Meng-shidi,” says Li Feilong, from behind them. Meng Yao had assumed they were not listening, and when he quickly glances behind them, Lin Biao is elbowing her, trying to shut her up.

Oh?

Too startled by the byplay and its potential implications, he demurs politely, “I have no opinion on the matter, Feilong-shijie.” Then he smirks, “But I do know why the ranking is in the order that it is!”

Lin Biao gasps, and bounds closer. “You know who makes the rankings?” Conversation neatly diverted, Meng Yao spends the rest of the walk back coyly refusing to reveal his source – not that a drunk Huaisang in the future, confessing to ranking Jin Zixuan above Wei Wuxian just to see Wei Wuxian’s face, and putting his brother seventh because he had to be somewhere is much of a source – and the three ladies graciously allow for the change in topic.

If he returns to his room and skips dinner that night, well, he had been treated to a lot of snacks that afternoon. And it gives him time to try to figure out how exactly he’d convinced Sect Leader Qin that he was a cutsleeve. (He pretends that this is pressing enough that he doesn’t need to think about the green ribbon he’d bought so impulsively, and shoves it beneath his simple sewing kit.)

---

Meng Yao very very cautiously observes his disciple-siblings over the course of the next few weeks, but except for two offhand comments – quickly shushed – no one comments on his supposed inclination for cutting his sleeve. He’s a little bemused but after some thought and delicate probing, he works out the evidence for their “deduction”. In addition to his unexpected rejection of Qin Su, there was the matter of his apparent fear of Jin Guangshan; who was well known for his intolerance for such “deviancy” within his sect.

It's so absurdly sensible a conclusion to draw from the limited evidence available that Meng Yao has no defence to offer. Surely it made more sense than Meng Yao having returned from the future.

And most importantly: no one cared. They were trying to be kind.

If he didn't know better he would think he had developed a second golden core; so warm is the feeling that fills him up and settles in.

[megtheuntalented]

Nagini slithers through perfectly cut grass, trying to smell where such familiar magic has come from.

Nagini has traveled very far. After she felt the connection to her master snap, she was left wandering alone, trying to find whatever scraps of magic he left behind. It has been a long journey. Nagini has had little to no luck finding anything that remains of her master. The best she could sniff out were faint impressions of his magic. Nothing that could sustain her. But then, while traveling through the muggle part of London as a shortcut, she licked a beautiful whiff of her master's magic. Now, she's been following the trail for four days, trying to find the source.

She stops slithering when she catches sight of a small boy with jet black hair. He looks like he's wrestling with the useless plants in what Nagini assumes to be a garden.

Nagini takes the chance to taste the air again. The trail of master's magic leads straight to the boy. She determinedly slither closer to get a better taste.

Once she's hidden among the watermelons, Nagini flicks her tongue out once more. She lets out a surprised hiss. The hatchling doesn't just smell like master, no, he smells more like her! He's a vessel for the master too!

She swivels her eyes back to the oblivious hatchling. That begs the question, why is the hatchling in a place with no magic?

Her green body shines as she slithers up to the boy, finally catching his eye. He jumps and whirls to face Nagini with cautious curiosity.

"Why are you here, little boy," Nagini hisses to him. The hatchling's eyebrows pull together as he responds, "I live here, snake. I didn't know snakes could talk. What's your name? My name's Harry!"

Nagini wouldn't be surprised if the boy was sorted into Ravenclaw, as her master almost was. "My name is Nagini, and snakes can't talk the human language, you can talk the snake language," Nagini easily replies.

Harry blinks a couple of times, then frowns. "That doesn't make sense," he says in a small voice, "I've never met anyone else who can talk to snakes."

"That is because you are magic, child. Now tell me, what are you doing with muggles?"

Harry seems to ignore Nagini's question. "I'm... magic? But magic isn't real! I'm just a freak!" Nagini hisses out a sigh. "You are magic, or else you wouldn't be talking to me. Did you not know what you are?"

Harry gapes for a second, "No, I just... I just thought that I wasn't normal. My relatives seem to think so." The hatchling sighs mournfully as gazes back to the house behind them.

That's an easy fix for Nagini, "I'll kill them then." Harry whips back around to Nagini, "No! You can't just kill them! What?!" He tries to grab for Nagini, but she's already slithering to the house.

"No, stop!" Nagini give in to the little hatchling, and turns her head to face him, "Why not? They obviously don't like you, and anyone who doesn't like something of the master's should perish."

Harry ignores the master comment for now and replies, "You can't just kill whoever you want. I-it's wrong!"

Nagini sigh-hisses again but relented, "I still do not understand why I can't kill them, but I will wait for now." She slithers up to Harry and craws up his leg to rest on his waist and shoulders. Harry wobbles a bit under her weight. "Instead I will protect you, until you can defend yourself."

The hatchling hurriedly shakes his head, "You can't do that either," He squirms under Nagini, "They would just hurt you, too."

"I would not let them hurt me," Nagini says simply. Harry still looks unconvinced, so she adds, "It's either this or their deaths, little hatchling." Harry swallows as sweat slips down his forehead. He takes a small breath before giving in, "I guess you can stay. But please try and stay hidden."

Nagini bears her fangs in a grin, "I'll try my best little hatchling." Harry sighs before going back to plucking useless plants out of the garden.

[stefanmikaleson1864]

New Beginnings

Requested by @kzgsox

Jay halstead x female greader

Lindsey gets upset at her boyfriend Jay when she finds him comforting the girl he was in love with who served in the rangers with him and mouse,when a guy from the readers past is halled into the station and question the reader has a full blown panic attack having never told anyone what had happened an ends up being the solid source of the reasoning the guy gets put away for good and Jay stays by her side the whole time and they end up together

A/N: I Really hope everyone enjoys this ! And if you like my work please comment like and Reblog it means a lot to see interactions on my work

Y/N’s POV 

Things had been hard ever sense coming home from the rangers. You thought the moment you touched down on US soil everything would be okay.

 That you would be able to take off the uniform and put all those bad memories and feelings into the closet and lock it away. 

But that wasn’t the case which seemed pretty obvious now. Things were not doing okay and you were not where you thought you would be in live. 

You thought you would be married with kids and having a career. But that was from the life you had now. 

You were in bad relationship with a guy you had no business being with. He was a piece of crap guy. 

He always took every little thing out on you. And you always just ended up taking it. Not wanting to make the situation worse. 

With your PTSD and other things you had going on you thought life was as good as it was going to get. 

That you didn’t want to burden someone else with the struggles you were going through. Someone else didn’t deserve the weight you carried. 

Everyone you knew from the rangers had gone their own way. You never really kept in contact with them and decided it was best that way. 

Maybe seeing them would be to hard. Or that is what you told yourself anyways. 

The connections you had were just gone and it was honestly hard dealing with the pain of that to. 

You had 2 other people you were close with that you thought you had true connections to. 

Jay halstead and Greg Gerwitz aka Mouse. It was always the 3 of you together  and you seemed to have different feelings for Jay. 

The kind that missed him while he was gone and always got butterflies when he touched you. 

You thought about asking him out but you didn’t want to ruin one of the most important relationships you had. Besides he never seemed to recuperate so you didn’t want to get hurt. 

Once the 3 of you were honourably discharged and thanked for your service you all went back home.

 Conveniently you all lived in Chicago which is what also strengthen your bond. But once you all got home you went your separate ways. 

Maybe it was just hard on them to so you tried your best to understand. So you went into your little box and then just shut out the world. You didn’t even bother trying it all just seemed so pointless

But now it just seemed like someone was taking a hammer and breaking at the box making you come out.

  You tried to patch the holes but it seemed like it wasn’t working and you just didn’t know what to do. 

It wasn’t even a good thing that it was breaking at least right now it wasn’t. You knew your boyfriend was up to no good and know he was getting you involved in it. 

He was running drugs at first. You knew that and against your better judgement you didn’t do anything about it. He wasn’t getting involved so you didn’t say anything. But now he was upping his game. 

He was selling weapons and bomb materials. He was using your name on the weapons so they didn’t check his background. 

You didn’t even know until now because you got a letter in the mail about your background check 

You were shocked obviously , confused and hurt. You kept thinking about what you were going to do ?

 You knew you had a duty to protect the public it was in your blood. But then the other part of you was worried that no one would believe you.

You also wondered what the hell Keith would say ? I mean not that you cared what that horrible man would think but you also tried so hard not to even think about it. 

Right now you were sitting at the table in your kitchen biting your nails. Something you did when you were always nervous. 

Suddenly the door opened up and they slammed the door breaking your thoughts. You also jumped out of fear. 

“Y/n where the hell are you” The voiced barrelled out. 

Keith of course 

“Hey babe I’m in here “ You said quietly 

“We need to leave right now “ keith said. 

“What no i’m not leaving” You said 

“I really wasn’t asking let’s go” He yelled

“Why don’t you talk to me and we can work this out okay” You pleaded 

“I’m not talking about this anymore” He yelled grabbing your arm. 

You snatched it back and then stood up to look him in his eyes. 

“I know okay I know why you want to go” You said 

“How” was all he asked

“They sent me a letter in the mail from my background check” You said 

“Damn it” He yelled knocking stuff on the table.

It shook you up and you just kept starting down at the ground. Not knowing what the hell your next move should be right now. A little to scared to move. 

Suddenly the front door swung open again and you heard shouting 

“Chicago PD No one move” A familiar voice yelled out. 

You snapped your head up to the blonde hair man looking just as shocked as you. 

“Y/N Omg is that you” Jay asked 

“Jay what the hell is going on” You asked. 

“You know each other” A brown haired girl asked she was very pretty. 

“Yeah we were in the military together” Jay asked 

Some brown haired guy walked over and grabbed you 

“Come on put your hands behind your back” He said 

You looked over at pleading eyes to Jay. You didn’t even do anything wrong. This was all on him. 

“No let her go I got her” Jay said. 

He walked over to you and touched your arm slightly and nodded you for him to follow you. The brown hair girl looked at him with a confused and upset look.

He just seemed to shrug it off and walk past her and went straight outside. You didn’t say anything to him thought still a bit shaken up. You were just confused about was going on. 

Jay didn’t say anything either and you had a heart time reading what he was feeling or what he was even thinking. He walked you out to a black car and opened up the door and sat you in the back. 

Then he looked around for a little bit like he was making sure no one was looking and he got in on the other side. 

His face was reading like it was hurt and he didn’t know what to say because he didn’t want to hurt you. You knew he was pretty disappointed in seeing you wrapped in all of this. 

“ Do not say anything okay you hear me” He said 

“What do you mean I didn’t do anything” You pleaded with him. 

“Y/N look i know your name was pulled up in the damn report to buy the stuff” Jay said 

“That’s how far It got and I didn’t even know he was using my name at all I swear okay Jesus I would Never” You said 

“Okay if that’s what you say but when we get there not a damn word to anyone but me” He said. 

“Fine” You said just sitting back and not really saying anything. 

Jay got out and he walked away and you didn’t know where he went because the windows were tinted and you couldn’t even see anything. 

You just laid you head back and squeezed your eyes closed. You just hoped maybe when you would open them back up it would be some sort of dream. That this wasn’t really happening to you. 

You could feel the tears rolling down on your cheek. The salty water hitting your lips. God how did you get here and why. This wasn’t happening not to you. 

Suddenly you sat up and opened your eyes when the car doors opened up. You sat up and wiped the tears away. Jay and the brown haired girl got in. There was a air in the car like you could just tell they were arguing about something. 

You just sat up and put your seat belt on and they took off. No one was speaking and you could cut the tension with a knife. 

You just kept driving on the way to the station. You finally made it there and they pulled up in the front. They both got out and Jay walked over to your side and opened up the door. 

You got out and he kept right by your side without moving, It was hard to tell if it was because he was keeping you from running or was he protecting you. It seemed like the latter but it was hard to tell. 

You walked into the station and it seemed like everyone had stopped what they were doing and just stared at you. Or maybe you were just being dramatic. 

There was a lady at the front desk who looked up and gave a mean look towards your way. You wondered what the hell you did to her. 

Jay didn’t say anything he just walked you up the stairs and keyed in some numbers and the door opened up. 

You walked up the stairs and walked into a office/ work pen area. There were desk every where and you were surprised to see something on what was obviously Jay’s desk. There was a picture on the desk with you Jay and Mouse. 

It made your heart pound. And you can’t believe he kept it. DId it mean something or was it just sentimental ? You felt like you were getting in your head again. 

He walked you to a room and he pointed for you to sit down. He went and shut the door behind him. You didn’t see where the other girl went. She got lost in the crown downstairs. 

He just looked at you with concern in his eyes. Your pride was getting the best of you because you were going to start this conversation. Jay was probably thinking the same thinking because he wasn’t saying anything either. 

Finally he bit his tongue and spoke up. 

“What the hell is going on” He asked in a soft tone. 

You didn’t really say anything just kept looking down at your hands and playing with your fingers.  He grabbed your hand and gave it a squeeze and then you finally looked up at him. 

You didn’t know what to say or know where to start really. So you just took a deep breathe and tried to muster up some strength to start. 

“ I wasn’t lying I mean I legit just found he was using my name to buy weapons okay I was gonna say something” You said. 

“ I did know about the dealing and stuff I just figured it wasn’t that big of a deal” You shrugged. 

“Not that big of a deal we fought to protect to keep people safe now your sleeping with low lives what the hell happened to you” Jay yelled. 

You started feeling the anxiety creep up inside of you. You felt like your breathing was staggering and you felt like you were getting dizzy. You thought you were going to pass out. 

You closed your eyes and tried to calm down but it really wasn’t working. Then you felt these hands wrap around you. They squeezed you tight and you heard him whisper. It sounded like it was really far away. 

“It’s okay I’m here for you.” You heard Jay’s voice soften up. 

He didn’t leave your side and kept your hand on your back trying to soothe you. Finally after a few minutes you started to calm down. 

You looked up at him and didn’t even realise you were crying until you felt the tears on your face. 

You wiped the tears from your face and Jay took his hand and placed it on your face in a conforming manner. 

“I’m here I’m not going anywhere” He said. 

“Thank you” You said in a low soft tone. 

“Why don’t we walk through this together okay me and you” He said 

“ I swear okay I didn’t know about the weapons until like 2  days ago. I found out when I got the letter in the mail saying my background was clear” You said 

“What about the drugs” Jay asked 

You looked at him and nodded and just started crying again. 

He wiped those tears from your face and gave you a smile but his face said it was disappointed. 

“How did we get here” He asked. 

“Things just got bad you know I was struggling and thought if i just ignored it then the problem would go away. “ You said. 

“I get that but I’m here okay you don’t have to do this alone and I can get you some help okay but I also need your help as well.” Jay said. 

“I don’t know you don’t know him like I do” you hesitated. 

“That’s a good thing listen to me this is going to get you free and take a bad guy off the street save lives. This is also going to be a good thing for you a new beginning” Jay said. 

“Yeah yeah” You said 

“Its going to be hard and it’s not going to be easy but you are strong and you are brave and you are going to get through this” Jay said. 

“Okay” You breathed. 

“Tell me everything” Jay said. 

“I know he deals to some white people up North soccer moms and stuff but I don’t know about the weapons” You said. 

“You think he would tell you” Jay said 

“No I don’t think he would but his friends might” You said 

“Okay we will set you up with a wire and get the information that way” Jay said. 

“Yeah sure” You said 

“So that brown hair girl is she your girlfriend” you asked. 

“Yeah she is” Jay said

“Is it serious” You asked 

“Not really i guess we just been hanging out” Jay said. 

“What’s her name” You asked 

“Erin Linsday” Jay said 

“ she seems good for you and You deserve to be happy Jay and if she’s good for you” You said. 

“She’s just not” Jay was saying then the door opened and Erin walked in. 

“We need a statement from her and what’s going on” Erin asked 

“Nothing were just talking” Jay said. 

She looked like she didn’t believe him. She just nodded and walked out. Jay also had a look on his face where it was hard to read what the hell was going on. 

“I’ll be back okay” Jay said 

You nodded and he placed a hand on your shoulder and walked out and shut the door.  You just sat there  and took deep breathes.

You heard from the room there was yelling. 

“jay what the hell are you doing you are leading her this is going to throw this case this is way to personal” The brown hair girl yelled 

“It’s not Erin I told you I am helping her out okay she is not some criminal okay She is my family and she doesn’t deserve to be shoved in some box she earned better than that” Jay said 

You tried not to looka them and gave them their space.

There was a part of you that wasn’t sure if this was even the right move but you know you had to try.  Jay was right people’s lives were in danger and you could risk that. 

It was just hard looking in the mirror and seeing how you got here. Going from being a decorated solider to this a heaping pile of mess. 

The silence  was hard it just made you think about everything which is something you didn’t want to do. 

After what seemed like forever Jay walked back in and he looked at you and smiled. He was holding a small box in his hand. 

“I would say yes but your already seeing someone” You said smiling 

He looked at you and smiled and sat down. 

“Well good to know I have options” He said 

“So what is that thing” You asked 

“ A wire made like a necklace” Jay said. 

‘Yeah so this is real” You said 

“You can say no we will figure it out another way” Jay said 

“No I can handle this” you said looking up and smiling. 

“Hear come here” Jay said 

You both got up and he walked over and you turned to him and pulled your hair up. He put the necklace on you. 

You turned back and smiled at him 

“You ready to roll out” Jay said. 

“Yeah let’s do it I can text Jimmy to meet me down at the bar we hang” You said 

“Okay sounds like a plan I’ll let the team know we gotta get ready so you can hang at my desk while we go gear up” Jay said. 

You both walked out the room and you Jay walked you over to his desk. You sat down looking at the picture you saw earlier. Wondering what the hell had happened to you. 

The rest of his team all kind of scattered not really acknowledging you. Then after a little bit Jay signalled for you to come on. 

You walked out with him and Erin and got back into the same car as before. It was  quiet as no one was saying anything. 

After giving Jay address you all left to headed out. 

“Are you sure he’s gonna even be there” Erin asked

“Yeah I’m sure he practically lives there” You said. 

She didn’t say anything after that but her and Jay glanced looked at each other. 

The car ride was silent and the ride took a little bit to get there. It was just one of those neighbourhood bars. That sat on the corner and if you weren’t a regular you sat out like a sore thumb. 

Jay pulled up and you and Erin looked back at you with a serious look. 

“You got this” Erin asked

“I’m fine okay I was a ranger” You said not liking the tone she asked or maybe you were reading into it. 

You got out and walked over to the door. You stopped and closed your eyes for a minute taking a breath. 

Then walked in and looked around looking for Jimmy.  He was sitting at a table already a few beers in. 

You walked over and sat down in front of him. You grabbed a beer and started drinking and Jimmy looked at you and smiled. 

“Y/N how you doing where’s your man” He asked 

“Busy he sent me to talk about the plan” You said 

Jimmy looked up at you with a look on his face. 

“What plans Y/N” He asked 

“Come on man I know about the arms that’s it But Keith asked me to ask you about the plans he was drunk as hell but you know me” You said .

“Your right” Jimmy said 

“I do know you and you never really cared about this before always kept in the shadows why should I believe you” Jimmy asked 

“Fair point but look okay I got denied my VA benefits the one’s I been fighting for. All that trauma for nothing so now there gonna pay” You said.

“I like that so listen we got the weapons. Okay were planning to hit the Recruitment centres and then we got plans for some government buildings” Jimmy said 

“The guns where are they” You asked 

“Down in the basement at my place” Jimmy said 

“Good it’s a plan” You said 

You both sat and talked for a little bit more. To make it seem like you weren’t just fishing. The hate this man talked about it was disgusting. 

After a little bit you pulled out and headed back to the car. Jay was smiling at you and Erin even looked a little impressed 

“Nice job Y/N I knew you still had balls” Jay said. 

“See i told you i Had it” You said 

“So where to now” You asked 

“Were getting you home we deal with the rest” Jay said 

You just nodded and looked outside the window. It felt like you were getting a small part of you back. 

Finally you made it home and Jay got out and walked you out. You both walked up to your front door. 

Jay smiled at you and you smiled back and you both let out a laugh

“So what now” You asked 

“I told you I’m getting you help. I will be here every step of the way for you. I know the old you will come back and I’m so excited for her to” Jay said 

“Yeah I am to and thank you for everything” You said 

“Of course were family and everything that comes after” Jay 

“And everything that comes after” You said. 

You both pulled into a hug and when Jay let you go he kissed the top of you head. 

“Good night Jay” You said 

“Good Night Y/N” Jay said 

You walked in after that. You threw your stuff down and headed in. You looked around the house and cleaned it. From top to bottom. Then you took a shower and washed it all off. Everything felt like it was a brand new start to the next chapter of your life.

[unkat]

For the ask meme: 🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.

Love your Chilaios fics!

-sanityhasforsakenme

!!! Hi hi! I'm glad you like them, i really enjoy writing them and being a part of the fandom! :D

On the grounds of chilaios, i can do some for chil and laios:

Chilchuck

He has become so accustomed to being on edge while working in the dungeon, that he dreams about scenarios in his sleep, even when safely in his own bed on the surface. He is a worrier, and his worries follow him especially when there isn't anything else to keep him occupied. Taking too much responsibility for his party is both his love language and a sign of his learned distrust for others. Anime spoilers about Chil's life: It gets worse when his girls grow up and he doesn't have being a father to distract him. Immersing himself in his guild work is so involved with his dungeon delving that he gets even more lost in it, the distrust seeping from work to home until he doesn't even realize he has begun to drown in it.

Laios

While he is more careful not to share his special interests as much at first, having a small, consistent group of people who have not abandoned him even when he says something that is a social faux pas has improved his self-esteem. I feel like this gets even clearer when the canon events happen because it is the first time he has been with a group without Falin to carry the weight of smoothing social situations over for him. This really makes him more comfortable sharing his lore, and he ends up writing his own book(s) about the monsters from the dungeon, like a revised edition of the Gourmet Guide and then going more in-depth with it. He does all the art himself too.

Chilaios

What initially interested me in the ship was the open communication they had with each other, and their similar tactical mindsets focused on the dungeon itself. I feel as though they have a strong trust in each other, as strong as Chilchuck more obviously, Laios less obviously, CAN trust anyone. Regardless of the shipping potential, there is a strong love and loyalty between those two, carefully buried through Laios' social struggles and Chilchuck's preference to be perceived as socially aloof. ALL THAT SAID, headcanon is that when Chilchuck is feeling more social with Laios, he brings up different scenarios for Laios to visualize and parse through, both tactical and social ones. I think that Chilchuck is used to self-reflection and preparation by imagining hypotheticals, and it is an activity he can do with Laios that they both benefit and bond from. Additionally, Laios being able to map out solutions sometimes cuts through what Chilchuck gets spun up about, getting Chil out of his own head. Their passions both lie with their work, and they learn a lot from each other through this kind of analysis and planning. Shipping-brained, they both are touch-starved and unaware of how desperate they are for a deeper connection with each other, emotions totally blindsiding them when they realize the depths of their feelings. Two pretty logical guys having huge emotions who don't comprehend what they share and how it should look. They find the physical aspects easier than the emotional ones, and settle into a friends-with-benefits relationship before a romantic one.

Ty for your message! Ask Game from here.