#arent birthdays suppose to be happy

[linlemonade]

[stevie-petey]

hello m, i hope u r well. it is my bday today so i wanted to request a blurb if that's cool :). maybe something fluffy about bug and steve celebrating his bday or if ur feeling it, another peek of frat!steve (cool if u want to keep that under wraps for now though). bye, have a nice day!

AH HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR !!!!! i can DEFINITELY provide more frat!steve, especially because i finally have a clear vision for him that i am absolutely dying to how yall once im done with come home <33

i introduce to yall vixen ;)

enjoy !

"what the hell are you doing here?"

steve looks up, surprised to hear your voice despite being the one in your room. his eyes are wide, his posture straightens, and you can practically hear his scared gulp when he realizes youre back far sooner than he thought youd be.

youve caught steve harrington sitting on your bed, next to your little brother who has only ever been shy around strangers. and yet, as you stand before them, your brother eyes steve with wonder with the remnants of laughter on his face at something hes said.

hearing your voice as well, dustin turns and his smile only brightens when he sees you. "oh, hey, y/n."

"what are you doing?" you storm into your room, throwing your backpack at steve. he lets out a grunt when the object collides roughly into his stomach, and dustin makes a surprised noise. "why are you with my brother?"

"woah, hey-" steve ducks as you go to hit him with the shoe youve kicked off with impressive speed. he jumps from your bed and runs to the other side of the room. "ow, you goddamn vixen!"

"dont call me that in front of my brother," youre seething. how fucking dare he. after everything hes done to you. the rules youve each agreed to. the lines neither one of you have dared to cross. and now here steve is, in the same room as your brother, far too close to the fire youve tried so desperately to keep at a low burn.

"im right here, you know." dustin finally says from the bed. he doesnt have any idea whats going on or why youre throwing shoes at his new friend. dustins train had gotten in earlier than expected and he called you to come get him, but you never answered his thirty calls.

you cast a quick glance towards your brother, feeling the sting in your eyes as tears threaten to come. you try to swallow them down as you press your cool palm against your overheated and flustered skin. "please, not now, dustin."

"vixen-i, uh. i mean henderson, no. shit-" steve stumbles over his words as he rubs his bruised arm. your aim is far too good. its frightening, actually. "y/n, look-"

he hasnt called you by your name ever since youve known him. ever since the agreement had been made. youve only ever been henderson to him, vixen, bitch, tease.

never your name.

"get. out." you dont want to see him. this is all too fucking much for you. dustin wasnt supposed to know about steve. they were never supposed to meet. steve is the type of person you guys make fun of. tease and make jokes about. dustin has always hated guys like steve, the overly charismatic and repugnant type who join frats and sleep with every warm body they meet.

the type who kiss girls and make them feel as if they mean anything to them.

the type tommy had been.

dustin hated tommy. he hated him the entire five years you were together.

and now here dustin is, laughing with steve only moments before you walked into the room. you dont understand how the hell you got here.

lost in your head, you dont notice that steve has stepped so close to you until his hand falls softly on your arm. the touch causes you to flinch away, it burns you. knowing hes gone too far, steve backs away from you and puts his hands in the air. "hey, its okay. im sorry, alright? i-i know things arent, uh..."

steve looks at dustin, who stares at the two of you with a knowing look on his face. hes already figured out more than you ever wanted him to. dustin has always been too fucking smart for his own good. steve seems to recognize this, too, and clears his throat. "look. i know youre angry with me. i dont blame you, alright? but the kid called nancy earlier, apparently you hadnt picked up, and he needed a ride here and she had her exam and i-i just... she called me. it was getting dark outside and nancy was frantic. thats it. thats why im here."

you refuse to look at steve. while youre still infuriated and hurt by what he did earlier, you cant help but admit that he did a good thing. he stepped up, even though he knew youd throw a shoe at him in the end. like the fucking prince charming that he is. always good, always kind to everyone around him. sickeningly sweet, yet you know what really lies beneath his charming persona.

instead of voicing any of this out loud, you sit next to dustin and gently run your fingers through his hair. hes getting too old for this, you know that, but still your fingers tangle in his curls anyways. "i thought your train arrived at seven tonight?"

"so did i. ended up stranded in the middle of nowhere for an hour." dustin responds, knowing you still need a few moments to collect yourself. he may not know who steve is to you, but he isnt blind. the guy has royally pissed you off, but still he had been kind to dustin. so clearly he wasnt too bad. "thanks for that, by the way."

"im sorry," you sigh out, remorseful. "i... i got caught up in something."

"something, or someone?"

you glare at steve. "i wasnt talking to you.

"no, but im sure you were talking to prescott."

dustins eyes widen. "youre talking to that dickhead tommy again?"

"oh, henderson, we have so much to talk about!" steve high fives your brother with glee. "tell me, when did you first realize your hatred for thomas prescott?"

"the moment i learned his last name was prescott."

"its a god awful last name, isnt it? makes the asshole even more pretentious, which shouldnt even be possible."

dustin and steve gravitate towards each other eagerly, ready to share insults about the boy you once loved so dearly, and youre sick of it all. your stomach twists, your skin crawls. its too much for you. after what youve learned tonight about tommy, hearing his name over and over again threatens to make you sick. on the verge of a nervous breakdown, you slam your shoulder against steves and run into the bathroom.

the door locks behind you.

dustin and steve are left in silence.

[these-posts-arent-real]

Clanblr dashboard simulator is back babye (part 1)

#yes i just finished part 1 #yes im already doing another one #this is really fun to me #hey btw when the follow button is "missing" it isnt missing. #that's your mutuals

0 notes

🪺 robbbinpaw Follow

I miss leaf-bareeeeee... my long-haired ass CANNOT with this weather

#shorthairs please dont reblog with "actually i think the warm weather is nice" #then this post isn't for you #robbbinposts

3 notes

🔁 🐍xviper-the-fagx reblogged

🐍 xviper-the-fagx

I'm trnasgender

🐍 xviper-the-fagx

Happy 6 moon anniversary to the time I butchered what was supposed to be my cool, unexpected coming-out with a spelling error

🔥 b-b-b-blaaazr Follow

At least the typo wasnt in your url dude

Also. The coming out wasnt unexpected. At all. We all knew.

#fuck you blaze #"we all knew" yeah maybe because i posted about how i wished i was a tom 10 times a day #whacking uou on the head with my manly paws

204 notes

🔁 🦁 lionsight-x3 Follow reblogged

🌻 l1llyst3m Follow

Happy bday to @lionsight-x3, my beloved mutual! Cant imagine life without you

🦁 lionsight-x3 Follow

AGHJHHHH THANK YOUUU ILY SO MUCH LILY <3

#Was honestly having a TERRIBLE birthday until I saw this. #Love you so much Lilystem.

3 notes

🦋 lalala-bluegaze Follow

Am I the only one who didnt know that @ex-thunderclan-kipper is a kittypet??

🛤 carnation-stem-02 Follow

His whole blog, including his url, is based around the fact that he's ex-clan... how are you just now finding this out...

🦋 lalala-bluegaze Follow

I just followed for the wood-scratching art..

#didnt realize he was a kittypet #:/

17 notes

🦢 gentlesong-momof17 Follow

Kits are having their apprentice ceremony tomorrow... can't believe they're all grown up. At least my next litter is due in a moon!!

#momlife #queen #leaving the nursery #mom life #nursery queen #perm queen #perm queen life #permanent queen #permanent queen life

1 note

🔁 🪺 robbbinpaw Follow reblogged

🫎 mo0sedude Follow

Im actually gonna die

🫎 mo0sedude Follow

Sorry guys forgot to specify. My assessment is tomorrow. So like. My mentor is gonna decide if I get to become a warrior or not. Im freaking out

🪺 robbbinpaw Follow

Wait. Youre an apprentice still??

🫎 mo0sedude Follow

Ya? My bio says 11 moons- how old did you think I was?

🪺 robbbinpaw Follow

WHAT????

I thought you were 21 moons old! Last time I read your bio was 2 days ago and I swear I thought it said 21!??

#moose ive been thinking you were 21 this whole time #cant believe youre only a moon older than me #this is surreal #robbblogs

50 notes

🌠 nightshade-tast3s-yummy Follow

Im on transblr and I keep mixing @l1llyst3m up with @carnation-stem-02... they look nothing alike and post about completely different things I think it's just the (flower)stem names

🛤 carnation-stem-02 Follow

This is extra funny to me considering Lily and I actually became mutuals due to a similar mix-up (someone tagged her where they meant to tag me) but I for the life of me cannot understand how nobody takes one look at our blogs and never makes that mistake again.

🛤 carnation-stem-02 Follow

To the cats in the notes saying "but you're both trans, it's confusing" guys. We arent even the same flavor of gender...

#shes transfemme #im agender #why is this even a source of confusion #we dont even go by the same pronouns..

2,702 notes

🌱 dirtdigger-23 Follow

Uh... hello?? I think Im on the wrong site... what in the name of StarClan is... Tumblr...

[lucy4-ever]

nsfw headcanons about bill kaulitz

!all NSFW!

first i'd like to say that, because he has a twin brother so comfortable with the topic, we think bill's the innocent brother

WRONG

pretty sure he's as hrny as tom is

maybe a bit less

but i think he'd rather have long, loving, caring sx (unlike tom)

plus, we know he's not really into hookups

(i dont remember who wrote it, but it wasnt my own idea!) that he feels guilty to just have sx for 1 night and forget it all

so he's really invested in aftercare and communicating during the act (green flag)

he praises all the time

he's definetly a soft dom and a sub

when he's drunk or high, he slightly changes though

but no matter the situation, he always asks if it's okay

he wouldnt accept to have sxual intercourses with you if he's sober and you're drunk/ high, it'll feel like he's taking advantage of you

however if you're being flirty, touchy and everything, he might just drink a bit so it wouldnt feel too weird (knowing you gave your consent a 1000 times and that you just want him, and that you trust him and that youre horny)

when he's not convinced by your actual desire to fck, he doesn't accept and just takes care of you 😊

however, when the both of you are drunk/ high, it's another level of pleasure

DRUNK/ HIGH SX WITH BILL 🔛🔝

"just like that, yeah, baby"

"do i slow down, my liebe?"

"please, stop teasing me my love"

"youre so pretty, my beloved"

"are you alright my love?"

"keep doing this, yeah, youre making me feel so good sweetheart"

"my sweet girl, my sweet sweet girl, youre being so nice to me"

"are you sure, you're okay?"

"my darling, you feel so good, youre gonna make me cm so fast"

"does this feels good? let me know how you feel, my dirty girl"

"yeah, take it all in for me, my lovely dirty little slut"

"is this too rough?"

"fuck me very well, baby, the same way i'd fck you sweet thing"

"i think im cmming my dear, can i? can i my love?"

"is this okay?"

if he wants to try something new, something which he'd never done with you and that's completly different from usual, he'll ask and make sure you dont just wanna please him

if you agree, he may be rougher and degrading you

but he'd never do it by himself, without asking you first

i think it depends on what do YOU want, he's really listening to your desires and compromises with his own

yet, he always prioritize your pleasure to his

now, let's get more concreet

there will never be a sxual intercourse without you having an orgsm

it's fundammentaly impossible with bill

even on his birthday when he's supposed to be the one to receive all the pleasure , he'll ask to go down on you

that's just the way it is

hates and loves being edged

however, if you edge him too much, when he'll be fcking you, he won't go easy on you

he edges you too, by kissing and sucking everywhere on your body but your pssy

he's open for every kind of sx

you can ask him about anything and he'll probably say yes to make you happy

AS LONG AS IT'S NOT DISTURBING THINGS

but i believe y'all arent mad enough :D

loves you being on top

loves sitting position

loves position where he sees your face and can kiss you

loves when you want to be the giver

secretly loves when you act bratty with him

but also loves when you're being a pleaser

chest turn him on so badly 🗣

(not in a weird way) but always stares at your chest and loves when you dress in tight clothes

randomly stares at you and you're wondering what he's thinking about when the only thing on his mind is what happened last night, how good you looked and how you're gonna look this night

has a sx playlist with "apocalypse" by Cigarettes After Sx and "do you wanna fuck" by Byz on it

MOANS, WHIMPERS, CRIES

he doesnt give a flying fuck about belly fat, love handles, thick thighs and arms as well as small chest, thin bodies, "weird looking" pssies, body hair and couldnt care less honestly

he loves people for who they are, not for their genders, looks, body, money, belongings..

i secretly think he has a thing for bigger girlies 😉

he lives for thick ladies 😽

author's note : tadaaa!! i'll probably make a part 2 and one for tom, please can you guys give me ideas on what you'd like me to write please 😫

love yaaaa!! 💕

[safetycar-restart]

Shels welcome back i’ve missed you so much! i’m so so excited and filled with ideas. i feel like we need to talk about little!Lando after his crash in Vegas? i feel like as soon as he was out of the hospital and back in the hotel he would just slip immediately and it’s so sad because his birthday was supposed to be fun but he got in a crash but you’re there to pick him up and cuddle him and tell him it’s gonna be okay? just a thought lol

🔙🦴anon

Aw yes we have to discuss this!! I know this GP was last week, but this idea should absolutely be discussed any way. I'm also really vibing with the little drivers lately, so this is great.

I actually think Lando would feel himself start to slip the moment he gets told he'll have to go to the hospital? He's fine until then, disappointed and sore of course, but he's fine. He hasn't seen you yet, having been taken straight to the medical centre.

And now they're telling him he has to go straight to the hospital? That is when he starts to feel fear creeping up, because that means it could be serious.

He has his trainer with him, but when he asks if you can come with him, they refuse? They say only a few team members can come and that they don't have time to find you.

That's when he starts to feel himself wanting to slip, because now he's scared and lonely and he just desperately wants to hold your hand and have you tell him it'll all be okay.

It's a nightmare after that because the hospital is so loud and so bright and people are saying such big words to him and he's so confused. Of course his trainer tries to help, but there's no one other than you that can offer him the comfort he needs.

You wait anxiously to hear any news, and thankfully they tell you quickly that all the checks were fine. You want to head to the hospital, of course, but realistically that would take hours with how much traffic there is, and you soon hear Lando is heading back to the circuit so you just wait for him.

Poor Lando just wants to cry on the way back to the track, curling up in a little ball in the ambulance and sniffling because he's just so sad and so uncomfortable. His whole body hurts, and to hear he went to the hospital for nothing? It's even sadder.

And it's his birthday!! Worst birthday ever.

You're waiting for him in his driver room when he gets back, and maybe he actually refuses your hug? He's seconds away from slipping and he knows if he hugs you, he won't be able to stop it. He has to stay big long enough to talk to his team and get back to the hotel, he can't afford to slip before then.

Luckily talking to his team is quick and soon he's on his way back to the hotel with you. You sit in the back of the car with him, holding this hand the whole way there.

And the moment he enters his hotel room, he slips into little space and slips bad. Almost instantly you've got a crying little on your hands.

He throws himself into your arms, clinging to you and crying so hard he can barely breath, in a full blown meltdown brought about by how sore and tired and sad he is. Unfortunately there's very little you can do about any of those things, so you just hold him tight and rub his back, letting him cry himself out.

Eventually he calms down enough for you to realise he's whispering something between tears, mumbling 'it's not fair' over and over again against your chest. Your heart just breaks for him because he's right, it isnt fair and there's nothing you can do about it.

You get him into the bath after his meltdown, washing him with his favourite soap (it's strawberry scented) and then getting him into his comfiest PJs. Maybe putting a diaper on as well? You arent sure how young he's regressed to and you don't want to take any risks.

He's so sad and quiet for the rest of the night, nothing like the happy outgoing little boy he usually is. Instead he clings to you as he sucks his pacifier.

You decide to give him some warm milk before bed, and it turns out to be right call because he relaxes in your arms so nicely, drinking his milk and then snuggling against you for a much needed rest.

You'll celebrate his birthday properly tomorrow.

[venaue]

" Eeh..? A celebration? For me? Hah..? Ah- Kyehehe, what a surprise. "

Happy Birthday Mace !! (31/08/24)

um . i really don't know how these things work but i rly rly wanted to do it so !!! happy (late now for me) birthday to the silliest silly !!!

um if you wanna like interact rp style or sm you can send in ask form at @nrc-asteryn-crew !!

or um idk any other interactions can go here idm !!

(am i tooting my own horn a little ... maybe ... but idc rn ill feel embarrased in the morning LMAO)

random voicelines + slightly cropped ver of pic under cut <3

Voicelines:

(pls note i wrote majority of these in class and some others jst now so they arent that proof read 😭)

" Boo! Kyehehe, did I getcha? 'Kay wait- jus cuz' I'm in this preppy lil' outfit don't mean I ain't scary-! "

" Haappy birthdayyy to meeee! Happy birth- ack- hey- 'scuse you! I'm the birthday boy, ya'know. Ya can't shut me up today! Kyehehe."

" Lilia and Cater were fawnin' all over me today... Ghk... Don't they get that I'm not a little baby or somethin'..? Hey- yes I did mind! And no I was not smilin'! Shut it!"

" Kyaaa! Seriously, Ortho's the frickin' best. Look what he 'n Idia made me! Look look! Ain't it cool?! "

" I can't believe Aros made me fix up my hair! He was practically groomin' me like a little dog! That's supposed to be Anchor's thing, not mine... My hair looked fine. Hmph. "

" Oh my god. Ya should've seen it- I was walkin' to the cafeteria, right? And outta nowhere- Yuuto just- appears, and hands me a canvas with a whole self portrait of myself on it?! I literally had to go back to Ignihyde to put it in my dorm... Like- great sevens-..."

" ...Aha- I guess this wasn't so bad... Thanks. But don'tcha know? I'm a busy person-..! Hey- ack- stop draggin' me around for seven's sake-! "

"...Maybe I should go 'n say somethin' to Anchor... Ah- I dunno... Nevermind, I guess. Maybe I should just enjoy this while it's happenin'. "

" Kyehehe, Anchor looked so unsure of 'imself today- It was almost funny. ...Almost. "

" Birthdays, hm? What's one more year of livin' to someone who's already dead..? Aha- nevermind nevermind- ... "

" Ya'know, back when I was real young, there used to be tons'a people at the birthday parties I had. Even though I barely had any family, Anchor's was always there with us! It was always me 'n him, together... Ahah... "

Duo:

Mace: " Woah-! I ain't had a cake this good in forever! "

Kiyuu: " Hehe, 'course not. This one was made with love~! "

cropped img !! ☆

[ridiasfangirlings]

For Fushimi's birthday, the S4 alphabet squad take Horma's Yatagarasu and present him to Fushimi as a gift. The idea was supposed to be something along the lines of "here's your mortal enemy, do whatever you want with him" ...they aren't exactly expecting Fushimi's reaction to be getting a nosebleed at seeing Yata tied up in ribbons (maybe set in a time that the s4 think theyre still enemies but they actually arent anymore?)

I’m pretty sure I saw a couple of comics about this in the fandom early days XD Maybe Fushimi’s been particularly grumpy the last few days and no one can figure out why. They’re not entirely sure about what Fushimi’s current relationship with Yata is either, imagine this as post-ROK and the two of them swing wildly from being best friends again to arguing and not wanting to speak to each other. As it happens Fushimi is not very happy with Yata at this moment and he’s complaining under his breath about ‘stupid Misaki.’ When the alphabet squad hold their emergency Fushimi’s Birthday is Coming Up meeting (because they have one of those) Akiyama mentions hearing it when he was bringing Fushimi coffee. They all assume Yata must have done something really horrible, Doumyouji idly says ‘what if we just tie Homra’s Yatagarasu up and give him to Fushimi-san?’, shrugging like it’s the simplest explanation in the world. The squad laugh it off like we couldn’t do that…or could we.

So then Fushimi’s birthday arrives and as usual this makes his mood even worse because he hates his birthday. Even so the squad decide to surprise him, imagine Hidaka wants to blindfold him and Fushimi just glares until Hidaka backs away all weakly ‘f-follow me.’ They lead Fushimi into a room where Gotou and Doumyouji dump open this huge box, and out falls a very cross Yata completely wrapped up in ribbons. Fushimi goes completely silent as Doumyouji says this is a good present right and Hidaka’s all so…have at him, Fushimi-san. Fushimi tells them all to get out, Akiyama suddenly notices Fushimi’s nosebleed and Fushimi again snaps at everyone to leave. They hurry out and Hidaka actually feels a little bad for Yata, what if Fushimi really attacks him, and is stopped from going back by Akiyama who sagely says that no, he understands this, things will be fine. (Meanwhile back in the room Fushimi is having a good laugh and taunting Yata, who is still gagged by a ribbon, like see what happens when you made me eat vegetables on our date yesterday Misaki, you get tied up and punished.)

[jawd]

ok really not a lot of people tell you this but its ok if it takes until youre 26 or older to feel fine. reaching a point were youre finally able to say that youre ok shouldn’t have an age limit. “oh but arent you sad how you lost the prime years of your life?” i didnt lose the prime years of my life, but i did lose years i could have spent feeling ok and happy and good.

youth culture Needs to be taken out back and shot. that shit had such a grip on me back then and all it did was make everything so worse. i was spending the supposed best years of my life wasting away at home and wanting to die and most birthdays were fucking miserable. i shouldnt have had to dread getting older, i shouldnt have had to sit in bed having day long breakdowns for my 18th 19th 20th 21st 22nd 23rd 24th birthdays.

i didnt deserve absolutely despising myself just for developing a binge eating disorder on top of everything else in my brain and gaining 70 pounds and therefor “wasting” the height of my ~~~youthful looks~~~ i didnt deserve to be literally fucking ashamed and humiliated to just go out in public and be seen by people.

im 26 and i have crows feet and bad knees and ive got loose flabby skin from losing 50 pounds and im covered in stretch marks but holy fucking shit who CARES. im fine now im happy now and i dont want to hurt or kill myself or quietly die in my sleep at night. the prime of my life is actually the rest of my life, not whatever my late teens/early twenties was.

[kusundei]

oh god forbid. see i was sorta prepping for it earlier bcuz??? wdym. im going to see my nutritionist. follow up or not i remember what they said and wdym its IN PERSON. like jesus christ but nooo. i. expected it i think. when they asked me how much i weighed before i was just like heh idk. i think that mightve fucked me over bcuz i think they think i lost??? like 25-30lbs in??? a few months???? which isnt . horrible but not ideal. its just taking into context the time i spent staying a consistent 160ish after recovery or whatevet and then suddenly dropping down to what. ???? im assuming ???? im??? 140??? or high 130s???? its the way they didnt let me look at the scale but informed me ive lost. like im aware sorta.

just glad they didnt tell my mom. made it a whole thing explaining my recovery and therapy and how i am not DISORDERED. but its inclined them to question my testosterone again bcuz its “not normal” like yeah i know. and then again i also just like look the same like sorry??? thats not me being evil and disordered i swear on my life i havent changed. the only reason i know is because of the scale and also . okay maybe my pants. everything fits me better now. clothes r bigger i suppose but i still??? am the same??? like idk .

no im not. evil. they asked me the same question again if i was . relapsing. or even just thinking ab my weight again and tbh not really??? thats the thing. im not??? like no ive accepted ive always just been on the bigger side. im well aware its not something i try to change anymore jusr cuz im aware even if i lose i wont be happy w myself regardless.. which is evil but at least im self aware. its judt like idk. iiii dont know. i truly am judy not hungry most of the time but i know my body is lashing me for it slightly. getting the same kind of pains i get when i dont eat but i cant eat??

like . idk. im not rlly considering the fact im restricting on purpose but maybe if i truly think ab it maybe i am..??? idk. just the same thing over and over. oh i wont eat yet its too early. im not hungry enough ill eat later. i cant eat this in front of these people??? oh you want my food judt take it??? like idk. same thing . i definitely eat like i wont not let myself not eat for a day thats too evil for me. i guess if anything i am sorta acknowledging my. bad. relationship. w food. idk its weird though cuz . im?? evil????

idk it just reminds me like. im fine eating in front of sav. i suppose thats a time thing but its also just chz shes the one person who will lash me sincerely if i dont eat. then theres ayden and idgaf. aleena. ethan. etc. I dont rlly care and i think that stems mostly from.??? the fact??? they???? eat??? more??? than i do???? which is fucking HORRIBLE TO ADMIT its just like. idk. maybe rhats what it is. reminds me of kyle. my anorexic king like i get it. stop spitting pro-ed shit at me . idc youre restricting idc you think youre fat like buddy. r you patronizing me.

im joking. its just like??? idk. i guess im just keeping it on the dl. family definitely notices though??? oh how uncomfortable i am eating in front of family wtf. reminds me of matthews birthday i was getting lashed. here and there over and over just. r you gonna eat??? why arent you eating yet??? like i know. and no i was sorta hungry its just i knew i cpuldnt rlly stomach anything and jrs weird. like holy fuck was i tweaking i kept. talking to myself. assuring myself it was okay and nobody was judging me and they WANT ME TO EAT and its no big deal loke what the fuck. idk. it was so weird i sat down and tried eating that burger and jesus. i wanted to throw up??? but i knew i needed to eat?? i was hungry but i couldnt stomach it??? also nervous because i was being perceived like jesus christ.

i think. as much as im like rotating bsck and forth i might. be. a bit evil. restricting wise. idk its just my body keeps doing it to me and its. ??? im also fighting that. acknowledgement that i am being. competitive again. see i never got that competitive feeling all too much except w jd cause it was.??? idk??? she was enabling me??? this time around genuinely no one is im just doing it to myself. ESPECIALLY W AJAX LIKE JESUS. what thre fuck am i doing. whyyy do i care its not like hes going to lash me??? he asks me if ive eaten??? reminds me to eat??? asks me to??? like he is NOT lashing me. ??? but why am i??? being??? so evil??? about it???

it comes and goes though. its just horrible to admit that guilty feeling i get all the time when i eat and its likr god fucking forbid. i thought i was over this. ill be honest i mean like?? i could probably get over it. i just need to. again. separate the two. its a constant battle of reminding myself ajax is not jd (obviously) and hes not going to lash me over these things. that he doesnt want me to be evil and bad and worse because he cares and hes not secretly judging me and plotting against me??? that hes not lying to me and everything is okay??? like idk thats just evil sam. i just need to chill out i think. i just hate how it comes and goes like sometimes i eat like a normal human being and then sometimes i eat like nothing at all. like today. im not hungry. mom is lashing me ab eating right now buuut. oh god forbid will she ask me about the appt if i sit w her.

rambling alot idk im just. im aware. i know. i sont need a nutritionist or a psychiatrist to tell me what im already aware of. im not disordered anymore but im not denying the fact i might be a bit evil again. just trying not to enable myself??? like everythint isss okay. just glad they agreed not to tell my mom. like she doesnt need to know this. but ill have to talk ab this w ellis the next time i see them^_^;;;. oh but everything is okay… im fineee im normal im healthy im okay. IMMM OKAY. i loveee my boyfriend oh god i miss him so bad. praying he comes to school and hes okay . siiighhh……. i need school to end but i also need it to keep going. just. ugh. i sont wanna go to school tmr but i also want to. so idk. GOD FUCKING FORBID i cant but irs okay im full of love 💗

[tadpolesonalgae]

Hello just got the courage to read cbmthy chapter 17 and resprectfully wtf. How can a person have the incredible ability to write such gut wreching angst, I wil never know how you do it. What can I say beside the obvious, you are a great writer and please dont stop writting, the way you create such captivating character and write SJM characters so realistic and three dimensional is incredible. And you overdid yourself on the angst on this chapter. Mor's "maybe you arent made for first choice" is the most visceral reaction causing line from this ff so far for me and I though Azriels burden one was rough oh boy. Speaking of our shadow man, what if he was awake the whole time and Mor didnt want reader to talk to him in that moment and he heared everything dum dum dummm...Maybe after our girlie moves into Bas's place and returnes what stuff Mor bought her that day in Velaris 'as a birthday gift' that day at her room s doorstep, and gets some time to find herself, maybe Azriel can actually allow the reader to reveal who she is as a person and maybe stand against Mor if she continues her mean girl behaviour against reader, cause girlie she didnt go to Autumn to hurt/ create a plan with Eris to hurt you. She went there because lack of connections and the weight of the feeling she isnt enough to allow herself to share her "burdens " with her sisters and the IC was crushing the girl. I reeallly hope Azriel clarifies the situation the whole prophecy and reader train of though because we know the IC wont listen to it fully otherwise. But afterall you know Azriel well and I trust to give us the most fluffy scenes between them when the time is right, cause our girls self esteem was low but now with the way her hands look and how she feels about them is down bad, Azriel can surely relate and offer this girl for once some reassurance.I hope you can give us a cameo of Eris and reader once in a while , their ring exchange screams 'summer camp friendship bracelet exchange'and I found it so damn adorable. I hope you keep updating this series and take care of ur well being and keep being awesome.

‘How can a person have the incredible ability to write such gut wreching angst, I wil never know how you do it.’

I— thank you so much 😭 I honestly believe it’s just because people have chosen to engage with the fic and the reader and because of that choice are more immersed so certain parts hit harder? I’m sure if you weren’t interested in reader, the story wouldn’t have such an effect on you—it’s thanks to your interactions and willingness to believe in reader as a person instead of a character 🧡💛

I also kind of enjoy people found ch. 16 to be angsty too despite 15 being the one I was genuinely trying to make sad 😭 ch. 16 was supposed to be the happy one 😭🤦 maybe all cbmthy chapters are just doomed to have a tiny bit of angst in them

‘And you overdid yourself on the angst on this chapter. Mor's "maybe you arent made for first choice" is the most visceral reaction causing line from this ff so far for me and I though Azriels burden one was rough oh boy.’

I’m not going to lie, I wrote that and spent a couple of hours wondering if that was too much for Mor to say? I do really like Mor in the books, so I don’t want to make her ‘bad’ in the story, so hopefully it wasn’t so far that people won’t be able to understand her side after a bit…? 🫣👀🧡💛😭

‘Speaking of our shadow man, what if he was awake the whole time and Mor didnt want reader to talk to him in that moment and he heared everything dum dum dummm...’

🫢👀👀👀👀

‘But afterall you know Azriel well and I trust to give us the most fluffy scenes between them when the time is right’

I’m very happy you enjoy my interpretation of Azriel 🧡💛

And yes!!!! I can’t tell you any of them but I have so many ideas for future cbmthy moments between Az and reader!!! Some of them I’m not sure I’ll actually be able to write since they’re a bit too unrealistic, but I’m looking forward to telling the rest of their story and hearing what you think about reader’s decisions (and everyone else’s of course!!)

Ugh, I just want to get into The Happy Years! Reader deserves to live A Little Life!!! I’m still figuring out the fine details of the ending (it’s not exactly near, but I do have to keep it in mind, perhaps more now that we’re past the turning point in reader’s story?) but I really, genuinely hope people will enjoy this second half of cbmthy 😭

‘I hope you can give us a cameo of Eris and reader once in a while’

There’s for certain one scene that I’ll be writing (that will likely be near the end) with reader and Eris that I’m absolutely dying to write! Not just because it’s reader and Eris but also the context and the details and I’m so excited!!! It’s ages away though 😫

‘their ring exchange screams 'summer camp friendship bracelet exchange'and I found it so damn adorable.’

Oh my gosh I hadn’t thought of it that way, that’s so sweet and endearing 😭 especially since Eris is sometimes a little mean to her but overall I think they have fun together (well, Eris definitely wouldn’t describe it as fun 🤦)

I think reader does need to get him back though, in some way 🤔

‘I hope you keep updating this series and take care of ur well being and keep being awesome.’

I hope so too! And thank you so much for kindly writing in to share your thoughts and just generally speak about cbmthy—it’s so heartwarming getting to read through 🫂🧡💛

(And take care of yourself, too, please 🫂)

[awesomehoggirl]

hi prim its raxz... checking in. whats going on in your life these days? i had my 17th birthday last week and im been starting to think seriously about what i want to do after i graduate... are you glad you moved away from home for uni? any general advice? i know what career i want which is the hard part i suppose. have something i drew while out for lunch today. cheers

HIIIIIII RAXZ <333 love the cute little drawing i have attached my own. i would say i am happy i moved a little further away bc it has allowed me to become more independent and really branch out and meet new people but there is a lot to consider... i think costs of travel are super important to think abt, my trip is only abt 3-4 hours and costs me under £20 each time which is very useful as a girl who loves to go home at every opportunity LOL. taking a gap year after u graduate if u arent sure where u wanna go/what exact degree u wanna pursue/if uni is for you is a good option u shouldnt rule out, it can be super good to have the extra time to work or research and i honestly wish id taken one lowkey. if u do decide to go straight away do not drop out in the first semester unless u are 100% sure it isnt for you… bc i almost did when my mental health was super bad and now im sooo glad i didnt LMAO. going to uni is a really tough change but it does kick you into a new stage of development and i have loved my experience so far (Apart from the past term which has been the worst few months of my life but that has nothing to do with uni) :3 also i would say 100% pick something you really enjoy, doesnt have to be tailored to ur ideal career (but that helps if u have it figured out already), i did that instead of picking something more practical and i genuinely love all my classes and essays so so much!! Sorry long post but if u have anymore questions feel free to send moar asks or dm yaaaay

[yourlocalabstraction]

howdy!

I know this is kinda late but I just wanted to say happy birthday! I know how daunting growing up can be, but I just wanna say that whatever you face you won't ever have to face it alone. No matter what, there'll always be people wanting and willing to help you out with whatever, whenever you need it.

You don't need to reply to this, I just felt like wishing you a happy birthday haha.

Greetings !!

I suppose you do make a good point. I guess it’s just hard to connect with people because, this may sound emo as shit but, it always seems they really arent there when you need them most. I know i shouldnt say this. I know i should be thankful for whom i have. But. It genuinely feels like im falling behind and rotting from inefficiency. Why keep trying if im just destined to be stuck here? if that makes sense

But nonetheless, i do appreciate the birthday wishes! hehehe

[in-decisivo]

i guess its fine if i don’t get to spend my birthdays with everyone i know for just as long as i get to spend it with the people i trust the most, treasure the most, to me for me, birthdays are a culmination experience where i get to reevaluate people who deserves to be in my life

birthdays arent just for the sake of im a year older now, its another start for me, of my life; traversing thru life and how i celebrate it w them is a thank u for sticking thru ups and downs w me

it is a privilege to get to close to me

to know me

to touch me

to talk to me

to sit beside me and eat at my table

you, mj, of all people

especially you

you dont deserve to know me like that you dont deserve any of it

you betrayed me in the worst way possible

and i will forever hold this against you

only you - above anyone else

this is why my walls are high because of people like you and you dont get to understand why i love Frozen so much, because of people like you

last year, you fucked up so bad and made me feel special for a second there i felt i was and i have you and ill be alright

last year, you committed the most horrendous act you could ever do to me you did unspeakable things with james and you werent sorry about you didnt feel remorse you didnt feel anything you showed up on my birthday and pretended everything wAS FUCKING FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!

but how was i ever going to figure that out when you said i should trust you even though the pain of just thinking about you hanging out with that stupid person gives me a headache i cried that night and youre supposed to know you shouldve known when i tweeted the words the less i know the better

how dare you come into my life and walk all over me like it was nothing, like i was nothing, like everything weve built was nothing

youve had the privilege of having me thru all of my five birthdays and you did what you did- so im here; seething, thinking wow you can still show up with that face and greet me with graces when you know yourself youre not worthy of staying beside me, you shouldve known this was coming

it is my birthday mj and you dont know the gravity of the mess you made you dont know you sick person

i hope this reminds you of the time in your room you did it with james at Oyo in Poblacion; your lying ass and this memory will haunt you forever

how dare you :)

again, happy birthday to me!!!!!!! i guess its freeing to not deal with u on my special day when i shouldve felt special; genuinely special with the people who truly cares about me, for me

its freeing not to drag the idea of u doing strenuous activities w me on my birthday bcos u get dizzy ur knees r weak u dont have the energy for it,

its freeing not to go to fancy places and not get judged because this is the life i chose

its freeing wether you will like the things i do because im me and ur u & you dont like the things i do and judge me for it

its freeing not to have someone like u in my life u disgust me in the worst possible way, i guess its fine now ill be fine

you, we - couldve saved whats left of what we had together and deal with these with just the two of us but you took ur head high up in someone else ass so far up & stayed there for a long time, i wish what you did was worth it -

happy birthday mike!!!!

❄️

[safetycar-restart]

I HAVE FALLEN DOWN THE HH!CARLOS RABBIT HOLE 🙏

SO

in my mind carlos has his daily schedule written down to the minute. this includes little notes such as 'give them a kiss before they leave', and 'make sure to leave a note in their lunch'. he will never let you see his itinerary for this reason.

he wakes up earlier than you to cook breakfast for you, pack your lunch and wakes you up with kisses all across your face and his deep chuckles which resonate through his body as you mumble a sleepy 'five more minutes' but he is quick to pull you out of bed at the mention of a freshly cooked meal :>

he goes grocery shopping all by himself at times when you are work and as he walks all by himself to the store ladies and men all gather around him but he is quick to reject any offers of coffee or dates directed towards him for he has you at home and when anyone approaches him — he is quick to flex his ring finger and that gets the message away. most loyal and adorable husband ever.

I am so happy that you have joined us in the hh!Carlos rabbit hole! I love all these thoughts so much.

Carlos definitely has a very organised itinerary, and it's the one thing that you arent allowed to see. There's a calendar on the fridge where Carlos puts all the important dates and whatnot, which is the one that you can see and add things to.

However, Carlos also has his own personal diary that includes his daily schedule, meal plans, important dates, plans, etc. This is the one that you can't see, because he also plans all the things that are supposed to be surprises. And he writes little reminders for himself in it, like when it's 5 months until your birthday.

The point is that Carlos pours so much love and care into the schedule and what he does when. He spends hours pouring over his schedule, making little changes and planning meals for the week and finding excuses to add little gifts and fun things.

I also think that he enjoys his morning routine so so much? He gets up before you, going for an early morning run, feeding the dogs, etc and then making himself a smoothie. He drinks his smoothie in silence, going over his plan for the day and just taking a moment to realise how lucky he is.

Then he makes you breakfast! He changes what he makes for breakfast all the time, always looking for new ideas and you never know what to expect. He'll sometimes make you eggs, sometimes bacon, french toast, musli, poached eggs, scrambled, etc. He always presents it so nicely too.

Once your breakfast is ready, he heads to the bedroom to wake you up with coffee. He puts the coffee on your bedside table and wakes you up with kisses. He does this every single morning.

You always try for 5 more minutes but carlos won't have it, he just gives you kisses and pulls you up. You can drink your coffee in bed and then come down to the kitchen for breakfast.

And of course he goes grocery shopping! He does all the meal planning, and he always makes sure to get your favourite snacks and drinks. He also genuinely enjoys grocery shopping so much, because he just loves being able to be such a good house husband.

And yeah, people regularly flirt with him and he has no interest in that whatsoever. He has his person and thats all he needs.

[acrosstheeuniv3rse]

WELL FOLKS IT SEEMS AS THOUGH MCLENNON ART IS ON ITS WAY!

in the meantime (gary crimble to you, gary mimble to you, getty bable dear christmas , happy birthday me too) i suppose i have to show off some of my amazing artwork that ive made recently due to my insomnia.

some of these arent that good but i needed something to post🤭

[pesterloglog]

Jake English

Act 6, page 5691

golgothasTerror [GT] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

GT: Jane are you there?

GT: I wouldnt blame you for not answering since i was such a shitty boor to you last time.

GT: I just wanted to formally say happy birthday.

GT: And also to pass along a birthday present.

GT: I doubt it will make up for all the ways ive hurt your feelings but maybe it will be a start?

GT: Its some fancy juju thingamabob that calliopes bro gave to me.

GT: He specifically gave it to me to make me better so i could get stronger and punch him in the snout some day or something?

GT: I dunno about that. I dont think i care about becoming a great hero and challenging a weird grumpy alien all that much.

GT: Not nearly as much as my friendship with you.

GT: So i want you to have it instead.

GT: Just use the code to make it. The code is...

GT: Um...

GT: ORBROBuRBROS?

GT: No wait.

GT: Thats way too long...

GT: uBORBuBROS?

GT: How many letters were codes supposed to have?

GT: Fuck.

GT: BROBuROBuT

GT: ORuBuBROBOS

GT: No. Uh...

GT: BROBRO... something?

GT: Wait no there were definitely some little u's in it...

GT: Shit. I really should have copied it down before i closed the chat window.

GT: OuROBOuRBON

GT: BuRBORuBROS...

GT: Wow those arent even close.

GT: Hang on let me think.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased being bothered by golgothasTerror [GT]