#arent you glad we're not those people any more

[testicularmanslaughtrr]

I miss quite a few people in my and I wish I had a way to say like...you're welcome back anytime.

Hi I've been in my feelings all day and had a long emotional talk with my best friend and I just.

I've been very fixated on the past's place in my future.

I am in a place where for quite a while, people leaving my life was very common. People come people go. I considered myself a fair weather person. Even my own family left me.

During an even darker time in my life I was like oh. I'm only around for as long as I serve a purpose. Once that purpose is up, I'm out.

Thankfully even if that was true, I like to think I don't live that sort of life where I'm just a commodity or a servant. That was a long time ago.

But looking at that, the people I've lost either thru anger or just....the natural sand of time. I wish I just had a way to send a very gentle hand written note that assures- you're welcome to say hi any time. You don't even have to stay long. But it'd be cool to say hi again.

I think the greatest wish many people with symptoms like me is the ability to reconnect, reunderstand, and keep growing in whatever direction life leads after that. I have so many friends from school or just past experiences, conventions, old group chats, etc. People I've lost contact with cause I feel like I can't hold a conversation. People that might still hate my guts. And I just wish I could be like

Door's still open. It never shut.

I've literally only ever blocked one person in my life and that guy was a fucking monster. While I believe most people are not beyond redemption, I have limits. Trick and use me, fuck you. Hurt others in unforgivable ways. I hope you choke.

Not the point sorry

I'm not getting any younger. I'm tired of losing people. Sometimes you can't help it and I have always been firmly in the belief that no one is beholden to me and no one owes me a damn thing. Live your life and live it well. But I still miss people. I miss people I have no business missing and sometimes I just want to randomly message them like "Hey. How have the last 10 years been?"

Sadly for that I know I can't. It's not fair to re-enter lives that don't want me. I just get curious. Did you ever get help? Are you happy? Do you still like homestuck? Have you traveled anywhere? Whats your current favorite song? Do you miss me too?

Idk. I'm growing sappy and sentimental in my old age.

Don't get me wrong. I love my friends more than the waking fucking world. These musings, these feelings, they do not at all interfere with me wanting to keep those I love close to my and make some of the best memories a person could ask for. Cause no matter how much I miss anyone, I'm not losing any of these people. Bet on that.

So what is this ramble for? Idk. I'm just a guy on the internet. But if you read it either you're waiting for me to be smart, which will never happen or maybe you're missing someone too. And it happens. You never truly realize the print someone left on you until you're airing out the laundry. So if you're missing someone, and you have the ability to reach out....fuck it. Just do it. Why not. Worst they do is block u. Then guess what, nothing really changes. Reach out and of the convo fizzles, same thing. Nothing changes, you made the attempt, and the world keeps spinning.

World will always keep spinning.

[sawyer-is-eepy]

as a punk, its the least fucking punk thing to call someone a poser. what 90% of anti-endos want is for endos to stop calling themselves systems (its a medical term) and to get the fuck out of our spaces. calling yourself a system (short for system of alternate states of dissociation) when you dont have did/osdd is ablist. ablism is NOT punk. listen to actual fucking trauma survivors instead of circlejerking every other ablist around

hi, sorry, i've mostly got it okay but i don't have my glasses right now and can't see very well. trying to still type properly but it's a bit hard, so i'm sorry for any typos ! ^^

i get why anti endos are wanting a space thats exclusively for cdd systems, but terms can change and adapt and evolve(and they are!) the thing is, more and more research is being done on endogenic systems and a lot of said studies are referring to endos AS systems. medical studies and such!

plus, not trying to say you're lying or anything because i can't prove you wrong, but i'm, not even entirely sure system was ever ACTUALLY just exclusively for cdds because it's just that previousloy, there was no research on endos so maybe now that more stuff is coming out about them? but if you do have stuff about the original usage of the term i'd be glad to check it out! i

and about your spaces, again i do understand why youd want a space sepcifically for traumagen/disordered systems. but the thing is, a lot of times those spaces completely exclude a lot of traumagen systems ANYWAYS!! yall exclude proendo traumagen, and exclude traumagenic systems that aren't disordered! and because a lot of those spaces have become "haha funny lets just h\ate on endos and fakeclaim a ton of them!" and also putting "proendos dni" on a lot of your posts you exclude anyone who could benefit from resources and/or potential friendships, as well as fakeclaim "real" systems! you create spaces that are filled with hate and anger so people don't feel safe expressing themselves.

tumblr is usually better about fakeclaiming stuff from what i've seen, but literally everywhere else(ESPECIALLY reddit tiktok and yt) are all incredibly hostile toward endos, and often how that manifests itserlf is fakeclaiming literally any system, ever. INCLUDING traumagen ones.

my MAIN issue with anti endos is how yall want a safe space but your spaces are so filled with hate and you consistently bar yourself from actually ever receiving any criticism. you create echo chambers, basically

safe spaces are no5t places for people to post hate without having to get called out. safe places are not for you to go "there's no science to back endos!" and then ignore any attempts to share science behind endos by saying "youre invading our spaces! you broke the dni!"

youre right, ableism is VERY not punk! but you claim to protect trauma survivors when you ignore the proendo traumagens and the endos WITH trauma!! what about the endos who had to go through trauma and want to speak about their trauma but are silenced because its "sCiEnTiFiCaLlY ImPosSiBlE!111!!11" ? what about the traumagenic systems who just waant a space to be able to communicate with other trauma survivors but they arent listened to because they support something else???

you create hateful spaces, we're gonna call you out on that bullshit.

i'm sorry about the endos who invade other tags but i feel like this time it's at least a little justified.

edit: i can see slightly better now so i fixed some of the typing errors. sorry if i still missed any

[fictionkinfessions]

@ 738413730820505600

Been around since 2017 personally. And while I do have rare delusions myself, my primary rational/logical explanation for memories is the brain is reforming our own traumas and fears into fictional contexts as a means to cope with those events (real or hypothetical). Ive had too many memories (across over 150 kins) that share similarities with my real life traumas and fears to not believe that. I know it sounds quite a bit like copinglinks, but thats because honestly I think they're the same thing as fictionkins! Just having an easier time stepping away from it all when need be. (Maybe this is just me being in my mid 20s and having my own kins lessen when Im More Of A Person, and strengthen when I return to hobbit life (/dramatic). But we're all sharing opinions here.)

Afterall that is one of the great perks of fiction, allowing oneself to process events, real or hypothetical, that are troubling them. Whos to say fictionkins arent just experiencing that in stronger force?

Ofc I do deeply believe in past lives as well, this is more like. My explanation of kinning to people who dont kin, or just an explanation for why WE remember past lives while most others do not.

Hope this is the kinda response you were looking for, Im honestly glad to see someone else believes in past lives yet also seeks a more logical explanation for why we are how we are. I typically see people who will get angry if you try to rationalize any deeper than "past life" or if you dare to suggest kinning is tied to mental health at all. It gets tiring.

~🕯♟️

x

[brainrotdotorg]

hi i have psychosis !! about the whole gurglr thing. the main issue is really tagging. people not tagging their posts leads to more psychotic individuals seeing it and that greater increases the harm it does. as long as people tag it, personally even though i HAVE been harmed due to "jokes" like this before, i wont be as upset, it stays in its own little corner and we're all good.

its also just generally non psychotic people dont understand WHY you should "need" to tag it, which i get it! hard to see how someone else might see the post. for me personally, its the depth people go into, the attempts to make it FEEL as real as possible. to those not suffering with psychosis they can make the distinction easily (and if they cant, they dont suffer greatly for it), while with me personally it GREATLY fucks me up

anyways im rambling now, hope this maybe clears some things up. thank you for being open to criticisms about this !! /gen

absolutely good to know!! i want my blog to b a safe space for my mutuals (and. everyone of course) n this is pertinent information. ill make sure to make a concerted effort towards tagging any unreality stuff. glad you reached out to explain it and I hope this does clear stuff up for other people too. tag your unreality yall! its only fun when people arent getting genuinely unsettled!! no harm no foul

[shepherds-of-haven]

First I want to say to the annon who wants to kiss aliens that Mass Effect isn't that difficult even with the "shooting" portion and there's no shame to play on easy or super easy. Games are there for you to enjoy so if more action oriented games arent your forte dont be embarrassed to lower the difficulty. I play Dragon Age Origin on easy because tactical games are hard for me I almost abandoned my first playthrough but im glad I lowered the difficulty because DAO is an amazing game with great charactes and story telling! So if you wanna kiss aliens you go kiss those aliens!

And second since were on the topic of games I was curious if you use any mods for KOTOR. I was about to start my first play through and wanted to know if there were any mods you felt were great additions to your game(if you use any). I've heard so many great things about KOTOR 1 and 2.

Seconded, I ALWAYS play games on "story mode," "casual," or basically the absolute easiest difficulty I can find when it comes to both combat and tactics, and I love playing like that--it's opened up so many games for me! We're rooting for you, anon!

And I did not use any mods for KOTOR, unfortunately--I don't actually know how to mod things (LMAO), plus I played it on Switch! But the people who commented recommending KOTOR to me in the first place on this post might be able to provide more insight!

For KOTOR 2, I do know that it's crucial to download the uhh "Restored Content Mod"--I guess the game was pushed out the door in a big rush, and this mod restores cut content found in the game (with voice acting and all) and vastly improves its experience, to the point where the original studio themselves are going to bundle it (or something identical to it) as DLC on consoles. (I actually am hazy on the details, but long story short, I haven't played my Switch version of KOTOR 2 because I'm waiting for them to release that specific DLC, so I'm guessing the mod is also crucial if you're playing on PC!)

If you're planning on romancing Carth (the male romance option in KOTOR), I do have a tip on how to avoid a bug in his romance under the cut, as well as another crucial bug in the overall game! It won't make a ton of sense until you actually start playing the game, but here it is:

When romancing Carth, be very careful of two things:

After he talks to you about Dustil, keep him out of spaceports! That means use your party swap function to keep him out of your party whenever you exit or reenter your ship. Once you leave the initial spaceport area, you can swap him back into your party again. The reason for this is that if he's in your party when you enter a spaceport, a character quest for him will automatically trigger, preventing him from talking to you anymore--but you need to keep talking to him in order to progress the romance!

Also keep Juhani out of spaceports! There's a bug where triggering her character quest will automatically prevent you from triggering or completing any other character's personal quest ever again... so save hers for last, once all the other characters' quests have been completed!

There may be mods to bypass both of these bugs, but that's outside of my wheelhouse! I hope you enjoy! ⭐️

[oldguardleatherdog]

im begging you to rethink that pinned post. FAT TRANS PEOPLE are begging you to reconsider that post. none of us are telling you to be kinder to trump—we're asking you to be kinder to fat people. we don't deserve to be thrown under the bus for a dig at him that won't even hurt him. there are a million ways to insult him without talking about his weight. his weight is not why he is evil, and we are not evil for being fat. think about why this is even where you want to go with your insults. if the person taking away the rights of trans people was in a wheelchair, would you insult them with ableism? if the person taking away the rights of trans people was not white, would you insult them with racism? why would you fight bigotry with bigotry? WHO does this help?

we ARENT trying to muzzle you, or trying to assimilate. we are asking you not to use your comrades as cannon fodder. calling a fascist a fatass is not some kind of radical protest. the only people who will be hurt by it are the ones you claim are your friends. fat people in your life will hear you and think to themselves that you find their bodies worthy of mockery.

personally, i like to say that i look forward to using his future grave as a gender neutral bathroom. more creative insults are often stronger, anyways.

personally, i like to say that i look forward to using his future grave as a gender neutral bathroom

On that, we agree! The rest... not so much. I'm glad you didn't heap invective on me or tell me I'm a bad person in your reply so I'll share the following with you and ask you to hear me out.

This was my reply to a very snarky and very freshly-unwrapped-activist critic on another platform:

I'm not sure why, but many well-intentioned people - well, some of them are well intentioned, a lot of them chimed in to hurl insults and invective at me - have missed the point by an alarming and troubling country mile. You have jumped to the conclusion that my goal here is to somehow annoy Donald Trump, and that this indicates I am a hopeless, horrible, fat shaming thug. I resent that deeply. I grew up obese. I know what this is like. Do you really think so little of me, a lifelong gay activist with 37 years of service to the leather community fighting for our rights, someone you have never even met, that you think you can lob such a high-handed and patronizing sentiment my way with no regard for how I might feel? Check your human decency; you may be a quart low. If you got the impression that the intent of this post was to brigade Donald Trump, I'm not sure where to begin. The point is not about fat. The point is that as I stated, Donald Trump is our murderer. Our community is already suffering. People are fleeing, literally uprooting their life and moving everything in an economy where there is no money to spare, because of this onslaught against us. And you and others have to be so self-involved, so conditioned to respond with boilerplate sloganeering and empty SJW admonitions, that you put the feelings of a hypothetical few ahead of the thousands, the millions of us who are in danger right now? Sorry. I don't buy it, and your stubborn, nearsighted stance makes you and those who share your view complicit with Trump, Libs of TikTok, Chaya Raichik, Matt Walsh, Tucker Carlson, Elon Musk, Moms for Liberty, Gays Against Groomers, and every legislator who's pushing trans bans, drag bans, treatment refusal to LGBTQ+ people, and legislation being drafted RIGHT NOW that will remove ALL of us from participation in civil society. The purity culture that is in vogue in our community today is clearly dangerous to our welfare and our continued existence. As Al Gore once said to Bill Clinton, "You could get with the goddam program." I am not making fat jokes. I cannot say it any more clearly than if I were to tattoo it on my forehead. If you or anyone else is hurt, then grow a spine and thicken your skin. Activists need to be sensitive, not delicate. Neither I nor any other OG activist who marched 10,000 miles through the streets 30 years ago to save ourselves from AIDS is going to mollycoddle you or indulge you. If you're not currently in activist mode, you are wrong. If your priority is to put the potential hurt feelings of a very few ahead of the suffering of the forcibly detransitioned in Florida and the unspeakable plans that are being readied for a vote, you are complicit, along with everyone who holds that sentiment. If "body shaming" is your pet cause, well, enjoy being proud of your body when the Proud Boys show up with automatic rifles and assault weapons at a drag fundraiser in your town, as they have been doing regularly over the past year in Texas, Missouri, and the Midwest. What next? A benefit for Kiwi Farms at the LGBTQ+ Community Center? Spare me. I have no time or tolerance for this.

Soooooo, there you have it. That's not just a Wall O' Text - it's an entire amphitheater with seating for 100,000! And every brick is meant to be dismantled one by one, handed to every queer activist we've got, and thrown with velocity and vigor at the head of Donald J. Trump and all who want to see us beaten down and dead. Make sure your aim is true.

Thank you for writing, for asking, and for reading.

[problematicfactive]

Hey, we've been actively trying to work with those alters. Please don't assume that we're condoning such actions. Maybe it was worded weirdly, but what I meant was that I'm glad there is support for alters like that.. but maybe this blog isn't for them, is it? Just factives of problematic people who aren't mean alters.

So, the ask you sent in said it was nice to see a blog that was dedicated to understanding "problematic alters" that act out in ways that get you banned.

Within that, there was no mention of factives specifically, there was a very specific language disconnect between what I use on my blog and what you submitted. We receive asks all the time from people who don't have problematic factives, but fictives, and still feel they need their two cents validated by this blog and that isn't the case. This blog isn't just for any alter. This blog is for problematically sourced factives.

Now, We've been banned from many a server. But we get banned for saying "hi". We get banned for posting a picture on the faceclaim channel. We get banned for clarifying how we connect to source. That isn't acting out. That's existing. We get banned for existing.

My focus is on the problematic factives who get banned for existing.

This blog is meant to be an educational blog. A place where people who didn't understand problematic factives to learn that we aren't as bad as we seem. It doesn't take much more than one bad egg to ruin that for everyone.

Does the Dahmer who genuinely wants to eat his lover exist? Sure, I guess so. And thanks to him, the Dahmer who doesn't struggles every day. This blog *is* for both of those Dahmers as thy are both problematic factives. But if I catch the first Dahmer acting out in a way deserving of being banned, he's gotta go. That's just how running a community works. I couldn't imagine a community built on letting everyone push the limits of what's appropriate.

One off comments are fine. I delete the comment, I'll say "that's not appropriate" hopefully everyone goes on with their day. If it's a consistent issue, I have to resolve it the way any other moderator would. If a member struggles, like, maybe Dahmer DOES want to eat his lover, but that distresses him and makes him upset and he needs to vent about it. Thats also fine. As long as these things arent shone on positively. But, we have our own member (npc) who struggles with whats right and whats wrong. *We* have to watch him and help him and make sure he learns. And its something thats been mentioned here before, but it isnt what the blog is about, ots just a fact that we watch over him. There's no other way to keep peace, especially in a community built the people ours was on.

[floralovebot]

man people who racebend characters of color are REALLY showing their asses in how they think we're all interchangable and see us as a checklist for "Getting A Good Grade In Woke :)" rather than just... acknowledgment of the existing natural diversity of planet earth and the different ways people make life of it.

its insensitive to reimagine disneys tiana as asian, not because asian people dont face racism or cant enjoy cooking or didnt exist in 1920s new orleans- but because tiana is the first and still only black disney princess and was written and designed as such. her race informs and deepens her writing and her struggles, her love for her dad and specifically wanting to validate a jim crow era black man's sacrifices for his family, her connection to him and her community through her cooking when they all struggle to keep food on the table. similarly mulan shouldnt be rebranded as african american, not because black women couldnt exist in china or never crossdressed to join the army or dont face misogyny- but because mulan is a folk hero of historical chinese legend and as mulan, specifically cannot be divorced from that background. (also, frankly? the early white princesses arent really as well written for the most part, and their culture of origin is virtually never taken into account aside from visuals in their development, if that).

thats what ticked me off so bad about the monster high reboot. nb frankie was so cool and an asian draculaura was so fun but then they just... took away the black girl? and by extension, her sisters and thus ALL the black girls and like, dude not cool? nothing wrong with her being latina but being afrolatina is a different experience than being african american. afrolatinas deserve rep but that doesnt mean they shouldve taken clawdeen from african american girls. then there was some back and forth as to where specifically draculaura's family is from, and lagoona's origins vary from source to source dolls vs movie vs tv too and you just really feel the lack of effort and cohesion in the writing rooms. it really is just all just numbers on a chart, quotas to be filled there.

even with shows like winx where its ambiguous at times and kind of a raceblind take at others, theres so little for ANY of us that redesigning without that in mind becomes poaching. why would you take when ive been given so precious little? why would you want to change this one gift from people like me that lets me know i'm seen and loved? sure, other people deserve to have that too but if they want to borrow then take those who have so much they wont even miss it?

asdfghjkl sorry for the essay, i guess i had a breakthrough in how to put why this specific issue gets to me.

YESSS THANK YOU

Like it's so fucking weird to me!!! And GOD I wanted to say something about gen3 Clawdeen but I wasn't sure if I was "right" or if it was my place to say but exactly!! Being afrolatina is wonderful and they deserve representation too but it is still ultimately a different experience from being black american and they shouldn't have taken that away from black girls! I'm glad that mixed kids have her as rep now but they shouldn't have taken her away!! They very easily could've made a new character to fill that role instead!

AND YES to the winx point!! At the end of the day, it doesn't matter that some of the girls races or ethnicities are more ambiguous, they still have Canon races and people shouldn't be taking that away and giving it to someone else. That's not how representation works! Ever! Like if someone redesigned Aisha to be asian, that wouldn't make me happy or give me More representation. All that would be doing is taking away representation from black people! Same thing with Musa, Flora, Nabu, etc.

It also feels So fucking scummy when a white person's excuse is just that they Personally didn't see a character as their canonical race/ethnicity and that's why they changed it?? Like I don't give a shit if You personally don't see Nabu as an Indian man. That doesn't change his blatant coding. Same with characters like Flora who are more ambiguous. It doesn't matter if You Personally don't like her being Latina. She is. Fucking deal???

[young--cheeseburger]

Mid-Year Self Reflection

I turn 24 next month and I've been depressed since I was 11-12 years old.

These past few months have been really eye opening and I've been learning more and more about myself and how I coped with the world for so long isnt healthy. Nor how I saw myself.

I knew I'm depressed but seeing the tangible depths of my depression come to bite me in the ass has really been eye opening.

Ever since I broke down in September-October of 2022, I've been in a state of mourning. As well as the most "unstable" I've been. Looking back at it, it was probably a long time coming.

Feeling like I failed college not only becauae its not easy to get into but also because I didnt put my 100% and then realizing that I can't do art as a full time job anyway really left me in a bad state because I covinced myself it was all I had. And it really felt like it was. Most likely being its something I genuniely enjoyed throughout everything, even me being depressed. Drawing was fun, being able to physically see myself improve was fun and wanting to get better at this skill that I had actually felt good. It felt really good. But I am also my own worst critic so that probably didnt help things either. And since its a medium that does require my emotions to put into it (even if its silly little drawings) I've cut myself off from those. Maybe not completely but I've been in this very stagnant state for a really long time.

Hell me saying that sentence says a lot to me. "Stagnant" is like a mental checkpoint for me since thats how I described my life in High School of all things.

There's a quote from Night In The Woods where Bea tells Mae "I stayed here and got older, and you went away and stayed the same." and it really hit me since Mae also had the opportunity to go to college and didnt change. Mae is a lot more "aimless" and wants to chill and hang around though. Meanwhile I give myself way too harsh standards and constantly fail to live up to them. (geez I wonder who I got that from) Both seem like ways to cope with becoming an adult the more I think about it.

Anyways.

I'm at least glad I have some awareness towards my problems and will always try to take responsibility for my actions when I can. Its because of these issues and a few other things that I lost a few friends along the way. Although its for the better really. I was taking a lot more than I can really give and I wasn't appreciative of friendships, nor the time given by them. And as we get older in life, the less time we're able to give. I don't wanna be someome whos holding anyone back or anything. And no friend should feel like they arent cared about.

I use apathy to cope with not feeling depressed but instead it turned off any other kind of emotion and it grew into me not feeling much of anything at all. No emotions to help guide choices, no emotions to share, no emotions to feel towards anything really. In my mind, if I stopped caring, things wouldnt hurt as much.

I usually didnt talk about emotions because I didnt want to dump on people but also because I kept invalidating my own feelings. A lot of people I know have been through so much worse and here I am. Still with a family, even though they throughly hate who I am as a trans man. I got hit a few times as a kid for making mistakes/disiplinary reasons but I had friends who's parents did so much worse. So who was I to complain in the face of all of that? I should be helping them get through it then worry about what I felt because my problems seemed minor in comparison.

Comparison, the same thing my parents did constantly when I was younger until I started being the one getting compared to. Because "I can do everything right" right? A perfect little mold even if I was a dying dog. Loyal, but at what cost?

"I'm sure theres people who care about me but I don't really care too much anymore. I That just means I am really weak. Useless even until the end. I want to die. The pain would only hurt for a little while before everything is over."

That was a consistent thought in my head for so long. And I've wanted to die for so long. But up to a few weeks ago, I had actual plans for doing it too. Several ways even.

It wasnt till an old friend told me that my ways of thinking were only making me feel worse. And when I told myself I'd listen for once, I did. Before walking out again because once again, I had taken someone's emotional labor for granted.

I realized now that, yeah people will always have it worse. And yeah I can totally do my part to make sure that the people I know, friends or strangers can at least feel better. But I have to realize that what happened to me hurt me too so I can finally let it go.

I want to move on with my life, I really do. It sucks not having a bunch of the adult skills I need (driving especially) but its never too late to learn. I have time and I need to start giving myself the time like I would for others. To stop being at odds with myself and try to be neutral with my existance, instead of not caring. To want to live, to hope, even if nothing is concrete. To be like water, instead of a brick.

Trying to say that last part with this capitalist hellscape in mind is hard but people like me have survived.

Maybe I can too.

[mylovelysanshine]

for you; choi jongho

just for you, he would do anything no matter what.

g: fantasy, action, fluff, angst??

inspired by stray kids' i am you and monsta x's fighter.

[1]

jongho!

jongho perks up, looking at your figure making your way towards his direction. he blinks as you stopped your tracks, standing infront of him.

what?

you huffed, rolling your eyes before pinching his ear hard.

what? what?! look at you! didnt i told you to stop fighting?! why are you so stubborn?!

you said, frustration coming off from you as you continued pulling his ear.

y-y/n!! jongho screams in pain, hands trying to pull off yours from his ear and you decided to let go before placing your hands on your hips. you looked at him, raising one of your eyebrows; asking him the reason behind his actions as you wait for him patiently.

jongho closed his eyes and sighed, he has nothing to hide from you because you know that he's lying if he tries to so he decided to answer. instead of ignoring like he used to.

...they were talking bad about you again and i dont like that

your face softens, listening to his words attentively before sitting down infront of him. you cupped his face gently, as if its fragile. he slowly opened his eyes, embracing the beautiful gaze of yours as your breathe tickled his face. his heart started to race after realising how close the both of you are.

jongho, you know you should ignore them. i always told you that! they're not worth our time! im used to this, its alright!

you took a deep breathe, calming yourself down before continuing but got cut off by someone's voice.

choi jongho!

both of you looked at the direction where the owner's voice was, seeing jongho's mother angrily walking towards the both of you. yanking your hands away from him, pulling his arm up.

where have you been?! didnt i told you not to hang out with this weird girl?!

seeing his mother screaming at your best friend makes you scared; because you're seeing red aura covering her whole body.

red.

danger.

evil.

jongho rolled his eyes internally before looking at you, seeing your face turns into fear. curiousity got him but his mother pulled him away before he was about to question you, leaving you alone.

jongho slammed the door shut, anger building off him. he got an arguement with his mother because of you, because of how weird and dangerous you are, thinking you are someone evil when you're not.

he didnt understand why people dispised you, even your parents. they called you names, described you as a whole different person and neglected you whenever you try to make friends or helping them when they were in need.

because someone like you,

whose heart like yours is never the same as anyone else in this world

heart so kind that its so unreal

so unreal that people whose heart is not like yours, decided to hate you for being kind

and you deserve to be protected and loved from this cruel world at any cost and jongho is willing to do that for you.

so, jongho decided to go out and went to find you, ignoring his mother's questions to him.

you're in the forest.

the forest that the king forbids anyone to go to because of rumours of a dangerous monster in the forest that will attack you either in the day or night

but your feet brought you here unknowningly.

you looked around, looking for ways to get out from this place until your eyes landed on a mysterious cave. curiousity got you as you took little steps towards the cave, harsh cold wind touching your skin even though the weather is hot. voices could be heard from the cave but it wasnt clear for you to understand and before you could fully stepped in, someone pulled you by your arm.

the stranger spun your body around, shouting at you are you out of your mind?! you're going to die if you go in there!

you tilted your head, a surprised look on your face you care?

what do you mean? the stranger furrowed his eyebrows, confused over your question

you..you took a step forward, making the stranger pull his arms away from you and taking a step back ...care about me?

he looked at you, observing your facial expression; genuine happiness glowing out on your face, also not to mention how cute you are. he shook his thoughts off and coughed a little, not wanting to think too much about it.

...yeah? and what about it?

you squeled, jumping up and down someone finally cares about me! im going to tell jongho about this!

the stranger didnt say anything, staring at you as he was weirded out by your sudden attitude. you stopped, realising that you were too hyper infront of a stranger who doesnt know you.

well...uhm...im y/n! sorry about that, this is my first time knowing that someone cares about me other than my best friend.. you confessed, looking down as you were feeling embarrassed to tell someone about your feelings when you know the people whom you talked to didnt care about you. his expression softened when he heard that from you, why would people ignore you like that? but then he realised that you are y/n he's talking to, the most talked about and hated in this village.

it was silent for a moment before you break it.

hey san?

yeah? san replied before looking at you with his wide eyes wait, how do you know my name?

you laughed and san feels like he's listening to a beautiful melody everyone knows you! you're a prince, san you replied, smiling widely as your dimple popped out, making his heart beat faster than usual.

o-oh.. that's all he could say

you smiled and san swore he could see the galaxy around you so san, what are you doing here?

the both of you talked for a long time, not knowing that the day has already passed but it didnt matter for the both of you. the both of you shared your stories to eachother, your hobbies and many more and it feels like you have a new best friend.

you also learned that san doesnt like his father, you didnt know why but he told you to protect yourself if you ever see him.

run, hide if you ever see him. do not interact with him that was all he said to you about his father and you didnt even question it

then, the both of you decided to seperate your own ways since it was getting late until someone calls your name.

oh? jongho? jongho! you ran to him with glee, jumping at jongho a few meters away from him and giving him a hug but both san and jongho saw is that you were flying.

what are you doing here? you asked, smiling happily and are you okay?

i was trying to find you..and yes, im fine he reassured as he hugs back, smiling at you as messes up your hair before his eyes landed on san, quickly releasing the hug and bows to him prince san!

..so this is jongho she was talking about huh san thought before smiling at him please dont bow! im just a normal person like you

but you're a prince and im just a villager, prince san

but we're both humans, arent we? those are just unnessecary stupid names san said, coming up to jongho as he extend his arm call me san

before the three of you could say another word, heavy rain started to fall out of a sudden.

its raining! quick! into the cave! you shouted as the rain got heavier and heavier

but its dangerous! both san and jongho said at the same time

we have no choice, you idiots! come on!

and so, the three of you ran into the cave, having no choice but to wait in there until the rain stopped. the three of you stepped in, echoes of your footsteps welcoming you three. the three of you are drenched but that didnt worry you, you were worried about how the three of you are able to go back home. not to mention that you were glad that san didnt wear anything fancy today, since the rain has started out of the sudden. you looked around in the cave, seeing nothing but darkness

until you saw a ball of light.

you gasped as your eyes widen. your legs dragging you to the light, leaving the boys alone.

h-hey! y/n! where are you going?! jongho panicked, running up to you as san follows from behind.

...the light! can you see it? you asked, turning around to look at the both of them. they nodded, they can see the light too but why and how is it here? is there someone else in this cave?

questions filled in both their minds for a moment until they got the answer, looking up and looking at eachother.

they forgot that there is a monster in this cave.

you were walking furthur from them, walking towards the light. before they could stopped you, your hands touched the light, making the cave rumble.

it went for a minute and the three of you didnt say a word after it stopped

until a voice came

what kind of a human, who dares to step into my cave?

a/n: hello!!! im back with a new fic!!!hehe i've been wanting to finish this first part of 'For You' !! like a few weeks after i finished 'Lonely' but i was so busy with school and life:,) and i was having no motivation at that time;;;; but i hope that with this new fic, my lovely atiny readers are enjoying this and wants to know more about the story!!! this is my first time doing a fantasy au so please bear with me!!

and sorry if there's any english errors:/ english is confusing zhshjz