I miss quite a few people in my and I wish I had a way to say like...you're welcome back anytime.
Hi I've been in my feelings all day and had a long emotional talk with my best friend and I just.
I've been very fixated on the past's place in my future.
I am in a place where for quite a while, people leaving my life was very common. People come people go. I considered myself a fair weather person. Even my own family left me.
During an even darker time in my life I was like oh. I'm only around for as long as I serve a purpose. Once that purpose is up, I'm out.
Thankfully even if that was true, I like to think I don't live that sort of life where I'm just a commodity or a servant. That was a long time ago.
But looking at that, the people I've lost either thru anger or just....the natural sand of time. I wish I just had a way to send a very gentle hand written note that assures- you're welcome to say hi any time. You don't even have to stay long. But it'd be cool to say hi again.
I think the greatest wish many people with symptoms like me is the ability to reconnect, reunderstand, and keep growing in whatever direction life leads after that. I have so many friends from school or just past experiences, conventions, old group chats, etc. People I've lost contact with cause I feel like I can't hold a conversation. People that might still hate my guts. And I just wish I could be like
Door's still open. It never shut.
I've literally only ever blocked one person in my life and that guy was a fucking monster. While I believe most people are not beyond redemption, I have limits. Trick and use me, fuck you. Hurt others in unforgivable ways. I hope you choke.
Not the point sorry
I'm not getting any younger. I'm tired of losing people. Sometimes you can't help it and I have always been firmly in the belief that no one is beholden to me and no one owes me a damn thing. Live your life and live it well. But I still miss people. I miss people I have no business missing and sometimes I just want to randomly message them like "Hey. How have the last 10 years been?"
Sadly for that I know I can't. It's not fair to re-enter lives that don't want me. I just get curious. Did you ever get help? Are you happy? Do you still like homestuck? Have you traveled anywhere? Whats your current favorite song? Do you miss me too?
Idk. I'm growing sappy and sentimental in my old age.
Don't get me wrong. I love my friends more than the waking fucking world. These musings, these feelings, they do not at all interfere with me wanting to keep those I love close to my and make some of the best memories a person could ask for. Cause no matter how much I miss anyone, I'm not losing any of these people. Bet on that.
So what is this ramble for? Idk. I'm just a guy on the internet. But if you read it either you're waiting for me to be smart, which will never happen or maybe you're missing someone too. And it happens. You never truly realize the print someone left on you until you're airing out the laundry. So if you're missing someone, and you have the ability to reach out....fuck it. Just do it. Why not. Worst they do is block u. Then guess what, nothing really changes. Reach out and of the convo fizzles, same thing. Nothing changes, you made the attempt, and the world keeps spinning.
World will always keep spinning.
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can you draw engie holding/using this pretty please
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQmgL-OUADqWDIjZathVCXxeYf-vdm0X_o_VRttwGQiG_3TRRLdIff1EaLw&s=10
maybe he makes big dispenser for big healing
normally, i don't open random links sent to me by anons, but it made me laugh so i made an exception
so here he is, just for you
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Spring is here , the true beginning of the year , the season where my soul reborns and blooms .
I have made some progress in terms of the person I am becoming, truly in all my honesty all that i have done is to stop caring for everything that once used to matter , the less I care about anything in particular the less I am bothered and the happier i stay. And i really hope everyone here is doing well and I appreciate all the love that was sent.
The problem is I care a lot about everything and i don't even get the bare minimum in return and when i do get it it's too late, so much time has passed by then ,when it comes by then i do not want or need it because it's the not care that came out of love it came out of their guilts. And the longer i wait for it to come by -the more I learn why I don't need it anymore .
I am slowly learning to value myself ,trying to put myself in a position where I can agree that i too deserve all the good things and love even on the days when i have nothing to offer .
Idk guys I am just here to rant and to be stupid
Better late than never they say , I guess it's not too late for me either, I will start my life and live up to what I want & how I feel ,i don't have to care about anything else as long as I feel alive in my bones things will eventually flow, I will fall in love with myself little by little day after day.
I will choose myself instead of choosing others and I will fall in love with my solitude instead of bearing it with me , i don't care if I end up alone if I do end up all by myself I will be with someone who i know has a tendency not to give up .
Life is really short i just don't want to sit and watch it pass by , if I am lucky enough I will have 40 more springs to experience , I have clear boundaries and thoughts in my head now, eventually i will find peace through it I hope so.
Ramdan kareem to people who celebrate it here please remember gaza in your prayers and fastings
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the person on faithtwt from a while ago who tried to cancel you for being a lesboy just got a massive callout post dropped on them for making false accusations against a large artist 😭😭
OH?????? i honestly didnt know that since i got blocked by everyone in their circle i assume. not saying they deserved it but yeah of course that would happen LMAO
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