#as a saeyounger i feel so much pain for saeyoung

[vieapuff]

First 4 days of another story got me fucked up I hope nothing else happens !

[anas-tasiaa]

I REALLY REALLY DO LIKE THE CHOI TWIN CONNECTION OKAY????? LIKE YOU COULD THINK OF MANY IDEAS TO WRITE A FANFIC ABOUT THEM. AND YEAH?????????? I HAVE SO MANY BUT DAMN I COULDN'T WRITE FOR DEAR OF MY LIFE. 💀

THE LOVE/HATE RELATIONSHIP, THEIR CODEPENDENCY, THE SACRIFICE, THE ANGER, THE LONGING, THE PAIN, THE WAITING, THE WISH, THE PRAYER, THE COMFORT, THE HAPPINESS, EVERYTHING.

I'm sure I'm the only one crazy fan here who just couldn't stop thinking about them and WHEN I SAY THAT I COULDN'T, I MEAN IT. I JUST-

JUSTTTT..!

I JUSTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!

.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

DAMN.

[rfaromance]

kissing Saeyoung's hands!!!

"It doesn't even hurt!"

"Please don't fuss over this!"

"I'm telling you, honey butter, I'm fine!"

Saeyoung's protests fell on deaf ears as you dragged him to the bathroom, where the lighting was better. You didn't care what he had to say; the cut on his hand looked nasty, and you weren't going to risk letting anything happen to your lover.

"Look, it's not even bleeding anymore!"

You snorted as you pushed him against the countertop. "Sit," you ordered, and with a grumble Saeyoung obediently plopped himself on the counter. "It is still bleeding!" you wailed in dismay, as you held his hand up to the light.

"So you can hear me."

"Saeyoung Choi!"

Hastily you dug out first aid supplies from the cabinet. As you searched for bandages and ointments, you could spot a dark hoodie shuffling out of the corner of your eye. "Don't even think about leaving," you snapped. "You are getting patched up here and now!"

The shuffling stopped.

Heaving a huge sigh, you returned to Saeyoung with supplies in tow. Carefully you reached past him to turn on the faucet, soaking and soaping a washcloth. You then turned back to Saeyoung and gently grabbed his injured hand. He didn't resist you this time, but rather tutted dramatically as you began to dab at the wound.

"Saeyoung... how in the world did you manage this?"

"One of my babies is in her rebellious teen phase."

"You mean there could be OIL in here, and you weren't going to let me clean it?" The horror and exasperation in your voice were powerful enough to make him wince.

"It's really not a big deal," he began, but you firmly squeezed his hand to shut him up.

After you'd wiped off the dry blood, you were able to see his injury clearly for the first time. A gash on the side of his hand, running from the bottom of his pinky finger to the top of his wrist. "This is the length of your palm," you fretted.

"Couldn't even tell."

His tone was different, somehow. He'd stopped arguing but also was acting less blasé. Now he just sounded... tired. Resigned. Hollow.

"It really doesn't hurt?" you asked softly. Carefully you put the washcloth in the sink, and you reached out to get the antibiotic ointment. "It didn't even sting when I washed it?"

"Not even a tickle."

You didn't want to believe him, but as you spread the ointment over his injury, he didn't flinch once. You gave his palm an experimental squeeze, wondering if he'd react. "Shoot!"

The pressure had opened the cut once again.

"I felt that," Saeyoung commented as you grabbed the washcloth again to dab at the edges of the wound. "It just... felt no different than picking up a shoe or opening a doorknob."

You reapplied the antibiotic that you had wiped off, furrowing your brow as thoughts raced around in circles in your head. Had his fingers always been this calloused? Had his knuckles always been covered with this many old, faded scars? Had his fingers, thin as they are, always been this muscular? Your own hands suddenly felt so feeble, so flimsy, as you began winding gauze around his hand, over and over.

"I can't afford to feel too much pain," was all he offered in explanation. "Not the way I've lived.

"Hands like mine don't deserve tender care from someone like you."

Having just put on the last stretch of bandages, you looked up at him with sorrow in your eyes. Much to your dismay, he was looking up at the ceiling, perhaps unable to meet your gaze.

You didn't know the full extent of the things that he had done to keep himself and Saeran alive; you didn't particularly care. All that mattered was that you knew he undertook those actions and made those choices in the name of love. He was a good person.

He had stopped trying to push you away, so why did he have to talk as if he was still damning himself? Did he plan to live the remainder of his life joyfully, but then spend his afterlife in flames? You didn't quite know or understand his feelings on that matter.

But you did know you loved him, and that he deserved every reminder you could give him.

"Your hands can't feel anything anymore?" you murmured, the lilt in your voice clearly prompting him for an answer.

"If only."

The detached, distant expression on Saeyoung's face immediately melted away, replaced by one of awe, caution, fear, and wonder, as your lips began to peck at each and every one of his knuckles. Then his fingertips. Then his (bandaged) palm. You even nudged the injured side of his hand with your nose, gently so as not to aggravate the wound. "Nothing at all?"

His tearful golden eyes met yours directly as he whispered, "Maybe there's something after all."

[onlinekitsune]

LET ME IN: SAEYOUNG CHOI

"struggling, but even if you sink, it's fine"

PAIRING, GENRE, WARNINGS ─ saeyoung choi x gnc!reader, so much angst, so much emotional pain and torment?, no warnings really but there's a part he snaps at you if that's something, not proofread

SYNOPSIS ─ after seven leaves the chat, you're reminded that this isn't some sort of dramatic drama. everything you've been told the past few days instantly started falling apart in a matter of a day. the person, you had fallen for, had fell apart in a matter of a day. all you wanted was to see him shine again.

WRITER’S NOTE ─ hi beloveds... i am once again posting after disappearing again. whoops! but to be honest, my interests have succumed to kpop and less of otome games... but exo's new single inspired me to write this soooo... this is inspired by day 6?? of seven's route, i'm not sure?? some of the dialogue was directly taken by it as well btw i will write a comfort side to this, but i'm nervous of not having enough room so... it'll be up eventually. as always thank you for reading, ily!!

all dividers by cafekitsune

The apartment was silent, for the most part. Except the various clicks of the keyboard from Seven. You looked down at your phone. It was still displaying the previous conversation, it was hard to process that you were even part of it. All the things you’ve been told over the past few days felt so very complicated now. The party. V. This hacker. It was all feeling so muddled with each passing second. Your eyes floated towards the window. The evidence of it being smashed in was long gone. It was like it never even happened. But the hacker’s voice and the feeling of his arms around your body still lingered. You were just lucky that Seven arrived at such a convenient moment. A sigh escaped his lips, hovering over the air. You couldn’t begin to imagine how he felt. You didn’t know how you’d even feel knowing that the hacker you were chasing turned out to be your own brother. Your heart ached seeing him so distressed, it was the very opposite of the Seven you knew in the chatroom. 

“God Seven, God Seven! I sense that you are depressed, meow! I automatically turn on when I sense that you are depressed, meow!” A robotic voice called out. “The source of God Seven’s depression is bad service, meow! I analyzed, meow!” A robotic white cat carefully stepped its way towards him. It stopped right in front and even turned its head slightly as if it was waiting for something. Seven’s eyes peered from above his laptop. 

“Please.” he began to mutter. “Just be quiet.” He turned his attention back to his screen and instantly picked up his typing. His fingers hit the keyboard a little rougher, trying to fall back in his almost tranced state.

“Cheer up, meow! Meowy doesn’t lose service, meow!”

“I said to shut it.” he snapped, furrowing at the small cat robot. “How did I turn you off before?” Seven carelessly picked it up, quickly scanning over it.

“Meowy needs to hear Seven meow!” The robot replied in a pur. You nervously bit the bottom of your lip. You noticed the look of desperation and frustration only doubled with each passing second. 

“Oh, that robot… you made it.” You let out, in hopes of de-escalating the situation. Seven took a quick glance up at you. He made sure his gaze didn’t linger for too long but enough to acknowledge you. Another sigh fell from him. He sat the robot down in front of him.

“Doesn’t matter.” He replied. His voice was sharp and restrained from much emotion. Your heart sank into your chest, hearing how cold he could come across. “Meowy, go away. I don’t want to talk to you.”

“I can’t leave until I sense your depression is gone, meow!” It cheered back innocently. Seven’s scowl instantly appeared on his face. He stared bullets into the robot. It was only a matter of minutes until Seven would completely lose his temper and take it out on it. You couldn’t let him destroy one of his creations, especially one that seemed so intricate. 

“Hey… Meowy. Let’s just stay quiet for now, okay?” You whispered, giving a weak smile. It luckily obeyed your request without hesitation. The robot waddled back into the place it originally was at.  A small sigh of relief fell through. You were glad you could get at least one thing in control for him. Seven muttered in response, going back to his laptop. You let the sound of the keyboard fill the air for a bit. You managed the courage to scoot closer towards Seven, who paid no attention. You slightly leaned over the edge of the bed. “Hey, Seven? Things didn’t go so great… with V. Are you okay?”

He looked up from what he was doing, scratching the edge of his temple. “Don’t worry about me.” He paused, seemingly going over his words in his head. “Just… don’t trust V, okay? I know I told you that you could but… you can’t.” Another silence filled the room, with a quick sound of keys pressing. Seven leaned back from his laptop and crossed his arms. "I don’t even think you should be involved with the RFA anymore. I’m sure V only logged in because Jumin told him I was here… He’s obviously worried about me being here. The alarms would only set off if someone like you were to open the drawers. But I’m not… There’s obviously something here he’s hiding.”

You winced just a bit, noticing how hurt Seven was by all of this. It was hard to see someone who was seeming so bright and full of energy be so dull and damper. 

“Are you going to open them?” You posed, fidgeting with your sleeve. All these secrets swirled around in your head. They may have gotten the better of you. But, you couldn’t help but to be curious. You just wanted things to be figured out, to be normal again. The normal you quickly became accustomed to. You missed the silly night conversations with all the members, especially Seven. You would do whatever to see him happy again. 

“Maybe I will. I don’t know.” He responded. Seven closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. “It’s hard to keep myself contained, after my trust has completely shattered.” You went to move even closer to him, but he added more distance between you two. You paused in your place, furrowing your brows slightly. 

“Seven..” you sighed. “Is there really nothing I can do to help you?”

He shook his head, taking another deep sigh. “No, I shouldn’t worry you. I’ll figure out a way to take care of it.”

 “Seven-“

“Look, just forget about the RFA. Forget about the party. You’re only staying in danger by getting involved with all of this. Once I get this resolved… Please leave.” He urged, pulling his laptop closer towards him. The furrow on your face grew in intensity. Even imagining dropping everything you’ve done the past few days was enough to send your aches throughout your body. You had grown so close to everyone. For once, you even felt like you belonged somewhere.

“Why are you trying to decide this for me?” You called out. You understood he was worried for you. But, there was something that kept you wanting to stay. You wanted to see this to its end. You held onto your sweater sleeves tightly, trying to contain your composure. 

“I know more than you do. Especially when it comes to this. This isn’t for someone like you to be involved in. You’ll only end up hurt.” He replied. “Let’s stop talking about this. If you need to know anything I’ll just reply to you in the messenger. Don’t bother me.”

“Seven. You’re being so one-sided, what about-”

“Didn’t I just tell you not to bother me? I don’t care.” He snapped, darting at you. Your breath got stuck in your chest. You didn’t picture Seven ever snapping at you, or anyone really. “You’ve been living with a bomb this entire time, and all you’re worried about is nonchalant stuff… really? At a time like this? Don't you care you’re in danger because of this? What kind of person replies to a sketchy unknown number anyways… don’t you know anything?”

His words pierced through you, and all you could do was to stare straight down. He didn’t know. As much as he thought he knew you, he didn’t. Or perhaps he forgot. You weren’t sure what he was able to find on you. “A person who has nothing to lose… clearly.” you managed to reply. Your lips quivered with every syllable. You felt your throat burn as you held in your emotions. “Did all those times in the messenger… really mean nothing?” The barrier you’ve put up started to waver and crack.

“No. They didn’t. How can you worry about that now? I don’t understand you.”

You didn’t believe him. You couldn’t believe him. Though those messages were just silly messages in a chatroom, they meant something. And not just to you. Your grip tightened, feeling the tears finally stray from your eyes. You were annoyed that you couldn’t hold them back. “I know you’re worried about me Seven. So, please stop avoiding me…”

You went out to reach for him instinctively. He dodged your hand and swept up his laptop. Even if it wasn’t a good idea, you couldn’t help but to feel hurt. You stood a bit across from him, just staring. 

“Stop... after this is done, you’re not going to see me again. Don’t waste your emotions on someone like me.” he muttered. You couldn’t help but to look up at him. Your eyes easily glazed over seeing that he was completely avoiding you now. The moment felt like as if you two had been frozen in place. He took a second to pause, laptop in hand. Before taking a final glance at you before stepping past. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m going to work in the hallway, don’t bother coming after me. Sort your emotions.” He added and without a single word, the door closed. You turned to face it. Its barren face taunted you, knowing that he wouldn't be coming back in. You flung yourself back onto the bed, faltering back to the tears. Your body felt heavy as you let your emotions run through. Slowly but surely allowing them to guide you to sleep.

[saralovesyouu]

Hello, :) I hope ur well. Can I pls request a comfort fic with Saeyoung and a depressed f!reader? Let's say reader is not the type to cry at all, like he has never seen her cry because she keeps it all bottled up even though she's in a lot of pain. I hope that's ok. Thank u ^^

Don’t cry, I’m here. — Saeyoung x fem! reader

Of course! And I’m doing well besides the 3 hours of sleep I’ve gotten, thanks. I hope you are too. I was confused about the gender of the reader, so I was rereading that a few times cause I was like. What? But when I read it the fourth time I was like OH they meant female reader. I thought that was funny I’m a little dumb, but anyways! Also yeah no that’s fine, I hope you enjoy it!

This is very much proofread.

I didn’t want to specify the reader’s issues cause of depression cause I don’t want to be like “oh the reader is upset cause of this” and then for you to have meant a different thing, so I tried to write it so that the reader’s reason for breaking down so suddenly wouldn’t be.. specific.

Warnings : Not much, reader’s reason for breaking down is not specific, reader is suggested to be female, a bit of comfort.

Saeyoung was sure he had you figured out. From small details about you in person, to large pieces of information of you online. He memorized every freckle and mole on your body, every password to all of your accounts.

So that’s why it surprised him when he saw you—his beautiful girlfriend—crying.

How did it get to this point? Well to him there was only one conclusion.

You were bottling it all up. How could he not notice?

It should’ve been obvious enough whenever you said you didn’t want to eat cause you lost your appetite, or when you seemed a tad more exhausted than usual, or even just when you started to space out whenever he was talking.

All the signs were there, right in front of him too.

So why didn’t he catch on?

Why didn’t he catch the way your eyes seemed to be unusually dull? Why didn’t he see the way you seemed to not want to get out of bed, refusing and blaming it on your fatigue? Why did he let it go far, why was he so blind to see you were in pain?

He of all people understands what that type of pain feels like, what it’s like to mask it and bottle it up, so why didn’t he know you were feeling this way?

So it was no surprise how speechless he was when he got home to see you crying on the bathroom floor.

He stayed shocked, standing in the doorway seeing you crying your heart out. Saeyoung didn’t stay frozen in dismay, rushing to your side.

“Hey, honey, no-no don’t cry what’s wrong?” He panicked, he wasn’t sure what to do.

“‘ts just too much to handle Saeyoung..” you cried, clinging onto him for the sake of your sanity.

“I don’t know what to do.. I thought my problems are my problems and they should stay my problems—“ you hiccuped “—so I wouldn’t have to bother you or anyone else about it, but it’s just too much pressure—I’m so sorry.”

“I didn’t want to be burden on any of you.”

Saeyoung felt his heart shatter when he heard how pained your voice sounded, holding you close as he hushed you “Hey, don’t apologize. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” was what he asked, but really he was thinking why didn’t he see it sooner?

Usually he’d know what to do, how to comfort you. But he’s never seen you like this before. Hell, he has never seen you cry before. So he’s so thrown off on what to do.

“You were always—“ you tried to talk, but your words only came out in choked out sobs so Saeyoung interrupted you.

“Shh.. shh it’s okay my love. I’m just..” he paused, unsure what the right words to say were “I’m here now, tell me what’s wrong?”

And so you spilled. All your troubles and worries, every single doubt and problem you’ve been experiencing. And he sat there, holding you close to him as if you would slip through his hands like sand—and listened to every word you had to say.

After you had finished, your rambling now incoherent due to your sobs, he gently rubbed soothing circles onto your back. “It’s okay. I’m here now. You’re okay.” He cooed, hoping that would help in comforting you.

But you weren’t calming down, and he wasn’t sure what to do. He was thinking of texting, or maybe even calling another RFA member in hopes they would know, but he somehow already knew they’d be as clueless as he was now. So all he could do was try to calm you down.

“Hey,” Saeyoung whispered, pulling you back up by your shoulders, your teary eyes staring right back into his golden ones “can you breathe with me?”

Yeah, he thought. That should be the first step in calming her down, right?

“O.. Okay.” You hiccuped.

“Good, okay. Breathe in,” he inhaled, waiting for you to inhale with him as well, and after a few moments he exhaled “breathe out.”

It took a while, but eventually you weren’t crying as bad anymore.

“Okay,” Saeyoung mumbled “okay.”

“Are you okay?” He asked, his voice was soft, and low—in almost a whisper-like way. Which heavily contrasted his usually ‘happy-go-lucky’ nature.

“I think so.” Was all you managed to croak out in response, hiccuping a bit. But at least you weren’t sobbing to the point of being unresponsive.

He was still very much confused. You always seemed so cheerful, laughing at his jokes, teasing Yoosung with him. You never cried, or if you did, never in front of him.

Saeyoung wants to take care of you, the way you did with him when he tried to push you away.

“Do you..” he paused, propping himself up so now he was leaning against the wall “..do you need anything? Water? A snack?”

“Can you just stay here with me?” You asked, your eyes fluttering closed, a bit worn out from crying so much “Just for a bit.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, nodding “yeah I can do that.”

And at least, you thought, you at least had some form of peace in his arms. He wouldn’t let anyone hurt you, and for the first time you didn’t feel alone, no longer wallowing in the depths of your depression. Cause now, now you had Saeyoung.

And he was going to make sure you, his precious girlfriend, would never feel like this ever again. Or at least be there for you whenever you fell into that deep rabbit hole again.

But one thing was for sure, he would make sure you never have to face this type of issue on you own.

————

Bonus!!

“Saeyoung..” you whispered, still curled up in a fetal position as he wrapped himself around you.

“Yeah?” He hummed in reply, tugging you closer to him, as if to remind you that he’s still there.

“Thank you.” you chuckled, your voice was quiet, but he still managed to hear you.

Saeyoung was about to speak again, when he heard you talk “You shouldn’t have seen me like that. But still, thank you for staying with me.”

He was a bit surprised. What did you mean he shouldn’t have seen you like that?

“It’s nothing.” Was all he murmured, snuggling his face deeper into the crevice of your neck.

“You sure you don’t have anything else to do?” You asked, then adding “No work to be done? I don’t want you getting in trouble just because I’m .. like this.”

Saeyoung chuckled, making a faint ‘pssh’ sound “I’m sure I can take a break from the computer if it means making sure your okay.”

All you did was hum in reply, nodding in confirmation.

“Hey (Y/N)?” He called, propping himself up on his elbows, looking over to see your face.

“Yeah?” You replied, eyes flickering to meet his.

“You know I love you, right?” He murmured in more of a question, but you knew he only meant to assure you.

“Yeah, I know.” you nodded turning around to be face to face with him.

“I love you too.”

(A/N) : This is about maybe 900 words? Maybe a bit more than that. I was pretty reluctant on posting this, not cause of anything with the request but the way I had written it was kinda ehhh to me. Y’know? I’m not good with comfort but this was fun to try! I really hope you liked it, if you didn’t please do not hesitate to lmk so I can fix anything and everything for you, but I hope you’re well too! And I’m also sorry for not publishing this sooner, as I said before I’m a bit insecure of my writing hesitant to post this. But I’m going to, just cause I want to see if there’s anything I can fix. I’m always open to criticism! That being said, thank you for reading this, and again—if you see that anything need fixing or something is not to your liking lmk!!

[mochiimiiki]

| Saeran Choi Headcanons |

{GE Saeran x mc}

Warnings: spoilers for Saeran/ Ray route and after ending, sevens real name, some parts slightly suggestive (will be marker) so feel free to ignore those bits

A/N: the amount of pain and angst this man specifically has gone through is unbearable, out of all of the RFA members him and seven had it worst (my opinion). Anyways some happy hc because i think he deserves to be happy

- - -

After everything was resolved between Saeran and Saeyoung (which mind you took a while) the three of you decided to move and leave behind Saeyoung’s bunker, a place you had called home for the last six months

the reason for this choice was quite simple; a reminder of what was.

the twins didn’t need a reminder of everything that had happened over the course of time anymore than they needed the unpleasant memories. So they left.

The house which saeran and you moved to is a beautiful cottage, with a small farm attached. Saeran spends most of his days attending to the livestock and garden he grows, don’t worry though he definitely doesn’t neglect you (whether saeyoung came or not is up to you)

Saeran spends his days down in the dirt, very literally. As he’s all hands and knees and very much determined the best plants are grown from intense love and care

other than gardening and farming Saeran’s other past times are reading. He doesn’t have a particularly favourite genre but loves a good book with a happy ending. He reads all the books he can possibly get his hands on, very much including children books and fantasy novels. He was deprived of imagination when he was small so now he allows himself to indulge in it as he’s free to do

Saeran spends as much time with Saeyoung as he does his garden. This is mostly because Saeyoung is always around helping out on the farm, trying after years of being seperated to bond with his brother. Saeran deeply appreciates Saeyoung doing this as he knows being outside is something out of a comfort zone for Saeyoung (with unpleasant memories still always fresh Saeyoung feels safest behind a desk and screen).

Saeran is actually afraid of the dark so hopefully you don’t mind but he keeps a little nightlight by his bed side, it’s actually a cat and can change all sort of colours. It was invented by Saeyoung no doubt. Saeran treasures it with his whole heart.

Everytime you and Saeran go shopping he always collects a little toy, his inner child never had so much as a teddy bear so when he sees something he likes he gets it. Of course he asks you if he even should or if that’s silly, but naturally you insist that it’ll help heal his inner child.

Everytime Saeran sees you he gives you a kiss. On the forehead, cheek, neck, shoulder or lips it really doesn’t matter. He feels like giving you a kiss each time you see one another. It grounds him, reminds him that even though he has nightmares this, with you, is real.

Which means he ends up kissing you very often; you’re watching tv and he comes in from the garden. A kiss. You’re making dinner together and you go to the toilet, come back, a kiss. it doesn’t matter how much time apart you’ve spent. He just has to give you a kiss.

Now as mentioned before he does get nightmares and unfortunately they’re quite often, gently shake him awake if you hear him crying out in his sleep and murmur that it’ll be okay. He’ll hold you without saying anything until he drifts off again. Over time they fade away as he heals.

{suggestive} each time the two of you make love, and yes it’s 100% love making, saeran makes it his duty to tend to you. Running a soft, warm cloth over your body as you come down from your high. fixing your sweaty hair out of your face before heading off to fetch you some water and maybe a snack if you’re hungry. He treasures you and shows you that every way possible.

ofc u should give him aftercare everyone once in awhile (after you do he’ll not stop kissing ur face <3)

Saeran is a very tactile person. He went so long without physical touch that now he has yours he won’t let it go, ever. Has a hand on you, hovering about you or grabbing you every time he’s around. It’s probably another form of grounding for him, especially in crowded places where he feels very out of place and anxious.

Saeran 100% has hands on you everytime you kiss as well. and i mean everytime.

Work wise neither you nor saeran probably need to work as saeyoung has a lot of money and sold multiple cars to give saeran money. (he confirms at one point the gathering of cars was for his family)

However, Saeran never got to experience normal work and pay and so he does in fact work for awhile. He stays on with Jumin even after Jumin got elected and worked as part of a security team for a few months. But when you guys moved to the cottage/ farm he quit his job to focus on his life with you and Saeyoung. He just wanted a little bit of normalcy to feel complete.

One thing that doesn’t sit right with him no matter how much time has gone by is being out and about in a normal shop with normal people. It just never feels quite normal. He will of course insist on coming with you anytime you want to go shopping but other than that he doesn’t express any interest in exploring things like the cinema or public pools. Public places with so many people make him uncomfortable, especially with the way he’s recognised now because of the debacle with his dad.

His sanctuary is being in your arms, chatting with Saeyoung and your little farm together. (farmer Saeran brainrot)

Saeran devotes everything he has to you, that fact does not change no matter how much time passes. Every choice he makes is with you in mind, despite the fact you trying to dissuade him in order for him to form his own choices. But they are still his own decisions that he was free to make, he didn’t decide these things because he felt indebted to you but rather because he simply adores you and that was what he wanted to do to show you.

[marshmallowprotection]

Seven and mc with abandonment issues? Ngl the apartment days would be rough for me despite understanding damn well where his reaction comes from. Its already bad when i tend to overanalyze people's word and attitude towards me and think maybe im the one being sensitive over small thing

Saeyoung would hold a lot of guilt in his heart over his actions after learning about your fears. He never intended to hurt you. He wanted to show you that being with him would make you miserable, and even though his actions were wrong in every sense of the word, he thought it would be for the best. He witnessed his brother who was supposed to be protected, in a state of pain and agony the likes of which he had never thought imaginable, only because he loved him and wanted to protect him. 

What could stop the same fate from befalling you?

He made a promise to protect his brother and that promise was broken. What would happen if you decided to trust him in the same way? What if you were used against him by the agency? What if you were used against him by the same people who tortured his brother?

The only thing he can think about is what happens when people get close to him, and how much better off they would be if they never knew him in the first place.

That was the only reason why he wanted to push you away. He didn't want to push you away, but he thought that would be for the best if knowing him would give you the same suffering it gave his brother. It's hard enough to see his brother in pain, but to add you on top of that? He wouldn't be able to go on after that.

He doesn't want to abandon you, and it's the last thing on his mind. No matter how much he tries to be cruel to you with every agonizing second, his lies fail to convince you, don’t they?

He isn't a good liar when it comes to his genuine feelings for you. He couldn't lie to you even if he wanted to. He could lie to the rest of the world but he could never lie to somebody who makes his heart flutter like you do. It's a vulnerability, and as much as he's afraid of those, he has to admit you make him feel more alive than he has in his entire life. Your smile is everything to him!

There are plenty of people in this world who want to destroy him, and if they find out he has any vulnerability in his life, they will come after it and take it away before he has the opportunity to protect it. Why do you think he spent so much time on Meowy?

He purposefully created that robot to protect you even if he couldn't be in your life firsthand. It was supposed to make you smile and give you peace of mind when you couldn't have him. He made you a gift of his love... that he was afraid to admit because you could die. Meowy is a testament to the fact that he could never leave you behind. 

But, it doesn't remove his wrongdoing... you know that and so does he. What would happen in this situation is that it would reach a breaking point for you, and you would shut down in a way that he could not turn his back on.

The sound of your agonizing tears as you plead with him over and over to understand why he would want to leave you behind after spending so much time with you, so much happy time with you, would be enough to cut through his walls like a knife. Why? Why would he lie to your face with awful words?

Words that feel more and more like the truth the longer he says them even if you know better in your heart!

His poker face can only last for so long, after all. You would think that would make him want to pull away, even more, to go through with his plan, but his heart is much more soft than he wants to admit, and you have brought out a part of him he thought was dead. The part of his heart he thought he threw away long ago. The part of his heart that wants to love and be loved.

That would be the moment when he embraces you like he wanted to from the very beginning. His arms tight as you hear the sound of his sputtering heart for the first time as it speaks the truth. The truth of his love.

"I'm sorry, [Y/N]. I know that doesn't excuse what I've been doing, but I'm so afraid of losing you. I'm afraid I’ll lose you if you get too close to me. Look at what happened to my brother. It's hard enough to think about what happened to him right now and know that I am to blame in some capacity, and if that happened to you, I don't know what I would do to myself."

"I don't know what I’d do… I’d lose myself to my misery and anger. I thought it would be better if I pushed you away from me so that you could stay safe. But, I see that pushing you away hurts you and me way more than it would if I fought for us."

"I'm sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, and I'm sorry but I don't know how to be loved by another person. I want you, and I want to keep you safe, and I don't know the best way to do that. I know you want to look out for me, too, but for you to look out for me, I have to be able to look out for you. I don't want to leave you. I want to be with you forever. I just need time to figure out a way to make that work. I sold my soul already, and I don't know how to get it back. I want to give it to you…"

[asterjennifer]

“Can you draw a cloud next to the spaceship for me, Saeyoung?” Saeran asked mumbled tender as his older brother measured him.

Saeyoung found the tone of voice fitting for the face he's able to look at in peace for once. No tears to be found in these round eyes, neither fear nor sadness. It's not often his little twin stared up in awe.

He hummed then, nodding his head at the small request. “Sure! I can do that.”

The other squeezed his wrist in excitement. They've been able to spend most of the day together since their mother had to leave for an reason unknown. She didn't elaborate on anything, simply told them to stay put if they wanted to see the next day coming.

But like Saeyoung has always been in the soul, he took the opportunity for his brother and himself to get up and do all kinds of things they've only been talking about before. Like eating ice cream outside. Or going for a short, hidden walk around the house. Especially for Saeran was it nice.

His legs hurt at first due to the aching in his bones, that's when you're not used to walking his big brother explained. Taking his fear of stepping forward when holding onto his arm tightly for support. Soon afterwards they managed a round around the house.

The pride in Saeran's eyes in that moment after reaching the door again had been undeniable and ever so gentle. Saeyoung read another book to him as well considering they didn't find the right timing for it since it's an adventure book.

Saeyoung had promised to read it right; implying they needed the freedom to play with the action it contained. Luckily today's the perfect situation to finally open these pages together and read through them. Saeran often giggled and made big eyes whenever Saeyoung empathized sounds or actions with his hands. Like the gunshots.

“Bam! Bam!” His fingers formed a pistol, shooting into the air with an eye pinched close to aim. “They shot like that, grazing the enemy so very skillfully.”

Saeran titled his head at the display in front of him. “Do you like guns? They are scary, don't you think?” He asked obvious.

“Hm… well, they are bad. That's true.” Saeoyung had concluded, sitting back down next to his twin at the ground.

He looked at Saeran for a short while, who waited for an answer. The innocence written all over his features despite the hardships of the days they spend in that hellhole. The pain and suffering never changed his soft heart, Saeyoung thought. Feeling his own heart melt in love albeit regret.

Saeran flinched out of reflex as Saeyoung reached out to stroke over his hair. “It's just to make it exciting, nobody gets hurt I promise.”

The day flew by outside the window and by the time they sat outside for some sky gazing. Sunrays shining down at the rather uncolored earth around them, yet giving it the perfect color to have it appear all warm. They sat beside each other and enjoyed the sun to the fullest, not really talking that much anymore.

They didn't need to; both figured individually. It's the feeling that counted, just like the fact of calmness they're capable of claiming for themselves. The house's often hectical in the most negative ways, not that they could face it very much. They're forced to regardless. Letting these days become so much more brighter in comparison.

An idea popped into Saeyoung's head, then. Anticipating the willingness of his little brother to write their heights at the wall. Sometimes, when their mother wasn't in the condition to catch them doing their own thing, they would do the small actions that brought them immense joy.

Like measuring their heights and see how they've grown over the last time they marked down the results. It's a reminder they both treasured – telling each other they survive and get to become bigger and bigger until the day they finally could escape the house they're trapped in. Living together for the rest of all days.

A dream shared within their hearts since the moment they could think, it's something that connected them. This kind of strength outshone the hatred of their parents; they lived on because they got a goal to reach once the heights were enough.

“You look taller to me now…” Saeran's words caught Saeyoung's attention right away. Looking down at him, he saw the same expression from before.

However, it still felt slightly different. “Do I?” He asked as he raised an eyebrow. The twin continued rubbing his wrist.

Then he shifted his stare to the window. “You always have been taller, but I sometimes forget that you're a lot taller than me.”

The one wearing the black tank tops frowned by these words, unsure what to make of them. He took the pen off the paper as he closed it. “But you have grown a lot, too. Look!”

He pointed the end of the pen to the new line. Saeran took a step away in order to gaze at it before blushing lightly. His lips parted and yet no sound came out of him. For a moment silence dominated the air between the two.

Thus Saeyoung placed his hand to his shoulder. “I think you have a good height, you're not too tall and not too short.”

Both could tell Saeran didn't quite believe the statement. On the contrary, he shook his head almost unnoticeable. “I don't know…”

The sad hint inside that doubt left Saeyoung to swallow a bitter taste. What could he say to make it better? To assure Saeran it's not about how tall or physical strong someone was? That his warm hands and heart were the true definition of strength?

Saeran sighed, closing his eyes while trying to gather himself. He didn't mean to ruin the nice moment. Never was it his intention to make things worse, somehow his emotions always ended up doing the opposite though. No matter how much he struggled to repress them, they're always on his sleeve. Therefore he rubbed his eyes.

“I'm sorry…” The high voice husked. “I mean… I'm glad I grew. And I feel good to have a taller brother, too. It's just…”

His words cut off in the back of his throat, taking in the difference on the wall. It's true and he meant it when saying he's happy that Saeyoung was the taller one of the two. It felt more like safety that way, giving him a place to hide away behind without being seen by the dark things.

On the other hand it's leaving an itchy feeling to his skin. Being the smaller one, the weaker of two made him the easier target for misery. Their mother came a lot more at him because of that. Of course he didn't desire for Saeyoung to be in trouble instead, that's never the case. It's more about the weakness that's glued to his bones ever since he's been born.

He both admired yet worried about Saeyoung always being the stronger one. How should he protect him in return? Could he ever repay him in some way for standing up for him as well? He's uncertain about it.

Saeyoung put the pen aside, the noise bringing Saeran out of his circling thoughts. “We are twins, aren't we?” He said with the familiar confidence.

Saeran stiffed slightly when his brother rested both hands on his shoulders, giving him eyes between certainty and care. “You are me and I am you. We are the other and that doesn't get defined by our height.”

“Are you sure…?” He couldn't help the question, but Saeyoung didn't seem to be mad at it. He just smiled.

“Of course! We share the same strength in here.” He poked the chest of his brother, right there were his heart was beating underneath. Saeran blinked frequently for a few times and relaxed again.

It felt good, knowing he's not beyond saving. That there's a chance for them both when hearing a verbal confirmation that his depressing thoughts weren't the reality of their future and even their present. Saeran reached out without another word, putting both arms around his older brother.

Saeyoung's air left his lunges at first by the sudden pressure, quickly he returned the hug anyway. They stood there, unsure how much time passed while holding onto each other. Neither of them cared as it's been something that calmed both their souls.

“Before mom comes back,” Saeoyung said after letting go. “Do you want to eat cake? I got some earlier from the woman at the church.”

These amber colored eyes glittered with the mentioning of something sweet to eat, Saeyoung was aware how much Saeran loved food that pleased his sweet tooth. The young boy made two fists with his hands, nodding his head hard. “Really? Yeah! I'd love to eat it with you!”

“Then let's get to it now, I'm sure it's going to be even tastier when we eat it together.”

Happy early birthday, Choi Twins 💕

[k0kichiimagines]

i wrote this on my period on drugs in pain at 2 am after a nightmare and repeatedly waking. thats my excuse. my excuse for posting it? because i can. starting w saeran because i can.

r the mystic messenger ass or boobs men ( and women (singular: jaehee)) ??

cws : non explicit nsft. F reader. im already regretting this.

saeran - boobs

literally nothing anyone says will ever chance my opinion on this i say that every version of saeran is strongly a boob lover. we can discuss literally any other character here not saeran im stubborn about this, boob lover

in a nsft he loves ur tits, titty lover woman lover, kisses ur chest gently, leaves hickeys, loves it exposed so he can press his lips to your nipples or in a cute bra. the man is obsessed

sfw? pillows. he loves lying on your chest, its soft and comfortable and like a second hug. constantly resisting the urge to just face plant into your face, doesnt understand why its called a marshmallow hell

yoosung - boobs.

do i need to explain?

i dont know how to explain it actually he just screams boob lover??? but he's too shy to actually touch your chest, his hand will be shaky and you'll probably have to grab it and put it there

zen - ass

i think zen is an ass kinda guy, he likes when you wear tight dresses or jeans or really any thing that shows it, probably (definitely) smacks your ass any time he sees you kind of guy

hips are his main thing i think though, looves your hips i know it wasnt an option but where else can i put this

but equally does love ur tits very much <3

jaehee - boobs

im running out of ideas of how to elaborate i started w saeran and then did the others randomly but tit lover again

matching lingerie 👁️ matching bras.

but yeah she loves your chest, loves how soft it is, cups your breasts and kisses them softly, makes your heart melt.

jumin - both.

he loves gifting you clothes that show off you cleavage, necklaces as well, pretty clothes that generally draw attention to it all. only draw back is you have to cover up all the love bites hes left there, so you may tend to avoid them

equally loves ur ass usual behaviour hits it (lightly) all that stuff. wear shorts around him, like those rlly short ones

saeyoung - ass

i really debated over this because i can see him strongly loving both, but i think if someone forced him to give one up he'd literally kiss both ur tits goodbye sadly

he likes face down ass up sex positions, grabs your ass when youre sitting on him making on, started grabbing your butt as a joke when he walks past but now its just automatic and it would feel too weird to stop now. perhaps he also likes it because with your tits you'd obviously see him starting and tease him, but with your ass ? less so

uses it as a pillow.

[natasha-in-space]

hihi!! I've missed reading your writing so much, so I'm here to request Saeyoung and an MC who is very sleepy and stressed/short tempered for some odd reason? Maybe MC has some kind of stress and doesn't want to tell him, but eventually gives in after maybe breaking down? idk I love the way you turn a comfort into an angst then back into a comfort, so I trust your writing flair! <3

Ohh, this is such an interesting request! I decided to put this one some time after the SE, once Saejoong becomes too much of a threat for twins to ignore. I believe it'll be a stressful time period for everyone involved, and some issues may arise. It was fun to write out a possible argument like this.

"Where were you?"

You had to fight the urge to wince at your own uncharacteristically sharp tone of voice, as you stood there in the doorway, keeping your hands safely hidden inside of your pockets in an effort to hide just how much they were trembling. Truth is, you didn't want to be angry with Saeyoung. You didn't want to act out so harshly and accuse him of something like this.

All you really wanted to do was run up to him and take care of every single individual scrap and bruise your eyes could see, only to kiss them all away once you're finally done.

But, you were too upset to care. Even right now, when you were actively trying to stand up to yourself and your needs, you felt just as torn and painful as ever. Is what you're doing... truly the right thing to do here? What if he lies to you again?

You knew he was only trying to protect you, but, God... You hated being left in the dark like this. Their father was a dangerous vile man, and you understood why he'd want to put some distance between you so as to not put you at any risk. But, didn't you all promise to fight together from now on? You were terrified of loosing him and knowing that you were helpless to stop any harm coming his way.

A battle against Saejoong is not going to be an easy one, you knew that. However, it was breaking your heart to see your beloved Saeyoung putting himself in danger without any regard for his own safety, or your feelings on the matter. And it's not just you who is feeling this way. Saeran was struggling just as much with this complex dilemma putting a rift inside of your small family.

All you wanted was for Saeyoung to understand that there were people who cared about him. People who didn't want to see him hurt like this.

All the older Choi could do was awkwardly shift from one foot to another, clearly sensing the tension practically oozing off of you in waves. He knew that he was in the wrong here. You could see it in the way that he was avoiding looking you in the eye, giving out a small nervous chuckle to collect himself before finally giving you a reply. "I know this looks bad... But I got a hold of some integral information that could be crucial to us in the future. I couldn't let it slip away... I'm sorry, there was no time for me to tell any of you."

"So you just- Drove away, knowing that you're putting yourself in danger, without telling any of us in advance? Do you have any idea how much of a hard time Saeran is having because of you?" You couldn't keep your voice from cracking, which only made you feel more and more frustrated, both with this sad situation and yourself. God, why can't you even get angry at him properly? You didn't want to start crying your eyes out in front of him now, not when you so desperately needed to address this issue as soon as possible. Before it was too late, and something bad did really happen. "...Do you have any idea how much of a hard time I'm having...?"

His gaze noticably softened at your vulnerability, his voice turning serious. "Y/N, I'm sorry... I know I screwed up. I should have warned someone in advance, or at least wrote you a message, or something. But, the important part is: I'm okay. See? It's only a couple of bruises, I'm totally safe. Compared to some other missions I took part in? This one was one of the safest! I promise this won't happen again... Just, please don't waste your energy on something like this. I survived under some very extreme conditions in my time. I'm going to be alright. Hackers are like cockroaches, remember?"

"Stop saying things like that!" This time, you did sound very angry. What's ironic, is that your anger was no longer directed at him. You were angry at his words. At the way that he was talking about his own safety, as if it was nothing important. Comparing himself with a disgusting insect, so far removed from the way that you've viewed him. Your trembling hands clenched into tight fists inside of your pockets, a heavy lump quickly forming on the inside of your throat, hot tears clouding your vision and distorting Saeyoung's increasingly worried gaze, which only made you feel even more bitter.

He comes all bruised up and probably exhausted from a dangerous mission, and what gets him all worried is you crying. That's so much like him. Small part of you even wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of it.

"Y/N..." Shaking your head furiously, you took a quick step back, putting one of your hands in front of your face to shield him from your line of sight. You hated the way that your heart clenched at the softness in his hushed voice, at the way that your name sounded as it escaped past his lips. So vulnerable and caring. You heard him take a few careful steps towards you, before stopping just about a meter away from you. A couple moments of tense silence followed suit, interrupted only by your occasional quiet sniffing as you did your best to hold back on the tears. "Y/N, I'm sorry... Really, I'm okay. There's... There's nothing for you to worry about now. I know this must have been really scary for you, and I know that I messed up, but right now I'm here, with you. Please, just don't cry... I promise you it wasn't anything dangerous this time around."

This time, you were the one that took another step forward, feeling fed up with the way that he continued to just put himself down in front of you, without even noticing just how wrong his words really were. Ignoring the messy tears now rolling freely down your cheeks, you grabbed onto his bruised arms, bringing them up into the light to showcase each individual injury, however small it may be. Every single cut and bruise felt like a tiny needle being prickled right into your heart. You hiccuped: "You're hurt! What do you mean 'there's nothing for me to worry about', Saeyoung!? If this mission wasn't a dangerous one, then what should I expect once the time for a dangerous trip finally comes? Of course I'm crying - I... I love you, you idiot! God, I've been worried sick about you! Treasure yourself more, you... you..."

You couldn't finish your sentence. No insults were coming to mind. And you didn't want to insult him. All of this pent up anger and frustration was never directed at Saeyoung himself. Deep down, you weren't at all angry with him, you were concerned about him. You wanted him to treasure himself and keep both his body and mind healthy and safe, not only for you and Saeran, but for himself as well. Seeing him do the opposite of that... It hurt too much for you to bear.

"...I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize! This isn't about me, ugh, I'm just- I'm just so frustrated, and stressed, and..." You let out a shaky exhale, blinking away a few stray tears still clouding your vision. His hands felt warm in your grasp. You held onto them tighter, tenderly brushing the rough skin of his palm with your thumb.

You were so stupid...

"-And it was wrong of me to make you feel all of these things, just because I thought it wasn't a big deal." Saeyoung finished for you, slowly resting his forehead onto your own and making you finally meet his sorrowful golden gaze. Seeing him safe and sound, feeling the warmth of his skin so close to yours, all of it only made you want to burst into tears for the second time today. "I promised you that we'll be a team from now on, and I messed up that promise. And I promised to Saeran not to go away and decide things for him, too. I messed that up just the same. Of course you're worried and upset... All I wanted was to protect what's most precious to me, but... In the process, I only hurt you both. I'm sorry. I'll... I'll try to be better from now on."

Sighing, you closed your eyes, apprehensively leaning into his touch and letting some of the today's tension finally leave your body, much to your relief. Still, this doesn't mean that everything is completely okay just yet. "I want you to treasure yourself more... Treasure yourself just like I treasure you and you treasure me. Treat yourself with care and love, don't throw away your safety so easily. Please... Don't put yourself in danger so carelessly for us. There are people who'd... who'd hate to see you hurt, Saeyoung."

"I know. I'll try. I promise."

A sense of solace washed over you at once, laying heavy on your trembling limbs. Still, despite your quickly approaching tiredness, you managed to smile, ever so slightly, tilting your head just enough to seal your lips in a brief, but vulnerable kiss. "You don't have to face the world alone now... Please, never forget that. We're going to get through this. Together."

[juminies]

CCTV

day 6, saeyoung's perspective

seven x mc, 752 words

☆

Code. Check the cameras. Code. Check the cameras. Code. Every time he looks back to his work his vision is practically a blur. Her name forms at his fingertips. He backspaces, but the strings of numbers and letters and symbols on the screen may as well just read her name over and over again anyway. He leans back in his chair and groans half-heartedly; almost considers burying his face in his hands but, no. Instead he clicks over to check the cameras.

“Focus, agent,” he whispers to himself, because that’s what he needs to be now. Agent. Though his eyes, Saeyoung’s eyes, stay glued to the CCTV footage. She’s just so distracting.

He can’t even see her. She’s inside the apartment, and the security system is only positioned to show outside. One camera points at the door, another at the hallway. Considering how on edge he is, he’d probably notice if someone were to come into view of either camera even while Vanderwood is on watch. But sometimes, not very often but sometimes, she’ll poke her head out of the door and wave at him. Every 2 seconds (the extra 0.35 had slowly whittled away over the course of the last two days) he has a chance to look over and see her for real, outside of the images of her his mind is toying with while he should be working. Outside of the thought of her laugh when he says something silly, the idea of her gentle touch when he's so starved of it.

He opens up the agency server again, as if it's somehow possible to distract himself from the distraction. He doesn't even manage to type a full line before switching back over to the cameras.

The CCTV doesn’t have sound. Even still, in an even smaller portion of the sometimes-s, with giddiness forcing and clawing its way through his reasoning (though he won’t admit she makes him giddy, he can’t, because people like him don’t get to feel giddy) she’ll mouth something to him. Her voice plays automatically in his head when she does it. Then it lingers; stuck on repeat. Did you eat? she’ll say, or you got this, Seven! Once or twice she had even told him jokes, sweetly waiting in jest for a response she knew she wouldn’t get before dropping the punchline. He didn’t eat, not like she means to ask. He hasn't eaten a real meal in days. And realistically, he thinks, he doesn’t have this at all. He has never felt so clueless when it comes to hacking, and to make it just that bit worse he has absolutely no idea why he can’t just focus. Nonetheless, it gives him a spike of motivation when she appears on the screen. So maybe he’ll add back in the extra .35 seconds, just for a little while, until he gets too distracted by the thought of her again.

It’s hard to place feelings you’ve come to find so foreign as time ticks, ticks, ticks (for him like a bomb, rather than a clock). But he can’t stop thinking about seeing her, and surely, surely, a tiny voice tells him, her gestures mean she can’t stop thinking about him either.

Which is bad.

So why does it make something in him feel… hopeful? Is this what hope feels like? He’s forgotten. It’s been so long.

He had asked everyone not to make guesses about him. He wonders if maybe he was a hypocrite in that sense, because when it comes to her he can’t stop guessing. Even subconsciously. He wants to know everything she could offer. So he guesses. What she’s doing right now, what snacks she buys from the convenience store, if she feels safe, if she trusts him. When why do I want her to care so much? surfaces, however, he pushes it down immediately. He ties cinderblocks to it and throws it into the ocean. He doesn’t let himself dwell on it, because he can’t. Vanderwood reminded him of the fact, too. People like him

aren’t

allowed.

They’re not allowed to care, because caring means forming attachments, and forming attachments means danger, and it means pain, and it means heartbreak when he inevitably has to uproot himself again; take on a completely new person again. Haven’t people he loves suffered enough at his hands already? So he protects from a distance.

And he keeps looking at the cameras. Merely to protect, if not to subdue the dull ache in his chest.

[softxsuki]

Hiya! Can I plz request a letter for your Valentine's Day event? 👉👈 I would really love one from 707, established relationship of at least a few years. And reader has had to make hard decisions about removing hurtful ppl from their life. Even when they were once family. The letter would be sent to provide comfort in a physical form and maybe to praise reader a bit for doing the hard work towards recovering. Maybe there is a gift with it, a keepsake. Comfort for the hardship of the past times, and promises of their life together, a home of love and laughter and safety. The 606 is fine for a nickname still (think that is what is was in the game, I am hoping to replay soon), other options maybe babe, or something sorta corny? Like the over-the-top-calling-you-this-cuz-i-love-you-and-we-tease-each-other sorta corny? And he left the letter somewhere reader would find it, but is not present while it is being read. Oh, umm, modern day setting works fine. I think/hope I got it all. P much I am hoping for something comforting I can save and keep w me. And thank you for doing this event!!! 🙏

707's Comforting Letter To His Lover

Valentine's Day Letter Event Pt.2 Masterlist (CLOSED)

Pairing: 707 x Gn!reader

Warnings: mentions of losing people in your life (who hurt you)

Genre: hurt comfort, fluff

Post-Type: Letter

Word Count: 530

Summary: In which Saeyoung leaves a letter for you in the morning to help comfort you through your situation of kicking people who hurt you out of your life.

[A/N: Happy Valentine's Day! I hope this provides you with some comfort and is enjoyable to read. I really have to replay mysme as well as play v and saeran's routes for the first time. It's been so long since I last played, but it's just such a commitment to make it for every chat room. Anyway, hope you enjoy <3]

You stared at the envelope on your nightside table along with the small necklace beside it. You smile to yourself, knowing it was probably something Saeyoung built himself.

The spot beside you in bed was empty when you awoke, only the envelope and whatever it was your boyfriend had made you remained. He was probably out on a mission or something–or perhaps just getting some food, who knows. 

You smile, picking his new invention up and opening it. It resembled a locket, but more modern. Inside was a picture of the two of you together. His arms wrapped around you as you kissed his cheek. Feeling all warm inside, you pick up the envelope, open it and read its contents;

My Dear 606,

Happy Valentine’s Day Agent! Another Valentine’s Day together to add to the list, I love it. I hope you like the locket I made. You can store any pictures from your phone on it and change them around whenever you want. I’ll show you how it works once I get back home. I had a quick secret mission to do this morning, I should be back soon. 

On a more serious note though, I know things haven’t been that great for you recently. You’ve had to say goodbye to a lot of people in your life that you cared about. Trust me, I know how that feels, but it was for the better. 

I don’t want to tell you to just get over it, because I know that’s not possible, but just know that I’m here for you okay? You’re my special partner in crime. My agent 606! Nothing can defeat an agent, never forget that.

But you’re so strong, Y/N…you manage to put on a brave face and fight through each day even though the pain of it all may be eating away at you inside. I’m so proud of you. 

There was nothing I could do about the people from your past, but I promise to always look after you from now on. This is our life and we’ll make it exactly as we want. I’ll make sure our lives are full of happiness, laughter, and protection–always. 

I hope you slept well <3 I should be back soon. Wait for me so we can eat breakfast together. I love you.

Your Agent,

707

Your chest felt light after reading his words. Simple, yet effective at making you feel so much better. You couldn’t wait to hug him upon returning. Perhaps you could even get a head start and make breakfast as his little Valentine’s Day surprise.

So you get to work; throwing the locket around your neck and putting his letter in a safe space, you make your way to the kitchen where you begin planning a romantic breakfast for the two of you. 

Hurry back agent 707, breakfast will get cold. You text him.

Around the corner agent 606. Keep my spot warm! <3 He responds.

He sure knew how to get you smiling. Putting your phone away, you continue to cook, pouring every ounce of love for your boyfriend into the food.

What a great start to a day dedicated to love.

REGULAR REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

EVENT REQUESTS ARE CLOSED

Posted: 2/14/2023

[anas-tasiaa]

Another day another love for them

Never wanted a family other than Saeran???

My everything??? HELLO????

TELL ME HOW I COULDN’T LOVE THEM??? 

Their unshakeable, unwavering affection for one another? There was not a single doubt in their minds about their love. They would eventually find their way back to each other, no matter their circumstances or difficulties, since that is what they pledged when they were young. 

Do you say their love isn't pure and's not something to cherish? Saeyoung's passion for Saeran is evident throughout the story; no matter whatever route we take, even in the seasonal chatrooms, his thinking, thoughts, promise, words, and longing are all about Saeran. He has dedicated himself to Saeran's protection and will go to any length to keep Saeran safe, even if it means sacrificing his happiness or putting himself in danger. He mastered complex things about a computer, so Saeran wouldn't; He gave up everything so that Saeran could be happy. He provided everything he had so that Saeran might have everything he desired. You know how much he despises his job, but if it means Saeran is happy, then so be it. There is so much to discuss and list, but it would take 37364748 slides in PowerPoint ok.

SAEYOUNG IS WILLING TO GIVE HIS LIFE FOR SAERAN

Like, seriously, he's so devoted yet so loving.

His love for Saeran is literally the theme of Mystic Messenger. Every route, every time. It was Saeran's presence that he yearned for.

Yoosung's route (unexpected encounter)

Jumin's route (Unexpected encounter)

His own route (obviously)

V's route (He suspected that Ray is Saeran & waited for 2 years to finally reunite with Saeran)

Ray's route (All the issues with Saeejong and his first thought is "Is saeran safe?")

Christmas DLC (He hates Christmas because Saeran isn't with him. He wants to believe Saeran is happy out there)

Valentine's DLC (Saeyoung's doll with "brother" as the name)

Birthday chatroom special (Castor and Pollux)

Chuseok season chatroom (He wishes at the moon for Saeran's happiness)

As for Saeran, man, do we have to explain this??? He CLEARLY, DEFINITELY, CERTAINLY adores Saeyoung with all his heart.

I don't know why this fandom depicted Saeran as irritated as he can be when his Saeyoung is present??? Like, please understand that this is merely a stage in his recovery journey, not a personality attribute. He pushes Saeyoung away out of fear that he will be hurt again and as a self-defence mechanism, but he doesn’t hate Saeyoung. He just needs time to be "himself" again. He adores Saeyoung as much as Saeyoung adores him. Saeran's feelings for Saeyoung are strongly ingrained; even after days of brainwashing, he couldn't truly hate Saeyoung. He longs for a connection with him. He waited YEARS for Saeyoung. Let's be honest:

He missed Saeyoung.

He wants to be like Saeyoung.

He adored Saeyoung's unwavering love and his optimistic side.

He waited years for Saeyoung without losing hope.

He doesn't want happiness if that means Saeyoung wouldn't be there with him.

He would feel secure, safe and loved if Saeyoung was there with him.

He chooses Saeyoung over happiness.

He lives with his weak body at Mint Eyes because he is determined to return to Saeyoung; he wants explanation and reassurance.

He mentioned the betrayal every time he met Saeyoung because it was painful, like his half was ripped apart. 

He wants nothing more than not to burden Saeyoung with his problem.

He wants to die with him (Yoosung's route)

He feels terrible for hurting Saeyoung with his words.

He loves ice cream because of Saeyoung.

He loves the first sky he saw with Saeyoung.

He wants to give Saeyoung a geranium (a flower with the meaning, "I'm happy because of you.")

He smiled at the photo Rika took for him because he thought Saeyoung would like it.

He wants a camera to take a picture of Saeyoung and keep it so he can see it when Saeyoung is far away.

He learned computer stuff because he wanted to be closer to him.

He feels safe and sound with Saeyoung beside him. (His confession in 707 BRE2)

He loves fireworks and doesn't want Saeyoung to die before him, or he would be so sad.

He's willing to forgive Saeyoung.

He wants to live together with Saeyoung, just two of them. Like what they promised

He doesn't hate Saeyoung. HE IS NOT. He loves him so much that he's willing to give Saeyoung another chance, even though he's scared of being hurt. Even though he waited for years. There's no one, ever, who saved him the way Saeyoung did. He's his savior.

Man, I wish them a happy life together, just two of them, somewhere far, away from troubles. Live the life you love, my sons. I love you two so much. 

[rfaromance]

Rika.

Love her or hate her, no Mystic Messenger player can deny that she is central to the overarching plot of the game.

Depending on your view of her, her major role in Ray (Saeran) After Ending is either intriguing, exciting, frustrating, or infuriating.

Personally, I loved the portrayal, insight, and development in Rika during the RAE. Read below the cut for my Rika thoughts. Spoilers abound for Ray's route, RAE, Rika Behind, and even the Secret Ending. Also, uh, it's a long post. Longcat long.

(If you're interested in opinions on the RAE from a Saeran-loving POV, I'd suggest you consult @marshmallowprotection who pours her heart and soul into her analyses, especially regarding Saeran.)

If you're reading now, I'm assuming you have enough background in the game's lore where I don't need to explain the basics, so I'm going to dive right in.

At the start of Another Story, our well-intentioned but common-sense-challenged MC ends up being personally escorted to Mint Eye. And MC chooses to fixate on Ray and his mysteries and allure, ultimately trusting the not-so-honest rose boy instead of the highly mysterious V, who apparently is not an AI but also should not be anywhere near this cult.

In MC's defense, sometimes it's easier to choose the evil you know versus the evil you don't.

Rika doesn't have a problem with this, initially. She knows that she needs to throw Ray a bone. Allowing him to have a little doll like MC to dress up and pose and control and adore will appease him, and he has a plan to make MC useful for her goals, anyway. It's a win in her book, to keep Ray indebted to his Savior and also the possibility of luring the RFA members to her faster.

But a major distinction exists between Rika in Another Story (AS) and Rika in the original timeline (OS). Much like Saeran's mental state deteriorated further over the extra year and 6 months (give or take) between AS and OS, giving us Unknown, so did Rika's. In the SE, she explicitly tells Unknown that he was a failure and she wanted Saeyoung instead. She no longer valued Saeran's prior contributions to Mint Eye or her mental state--she wanted results now, and she would sacrifice anyone and anything to achieve them.

(Well, almost anyone. Turns out sacrificing V was not what she wanted, after all.)

But her goals are different in Another Story. She's still pursuing her dreams of making people happy by "saving" them from a tainted world of pain, but she's still itching for the personal happiness she has wanted all her life: love.

She wants a loving family. She has never known what it feels like to have a family that loves her, as her earliest memories are in the orphanage, and she was adopted by a vile, hateful woman who cursed her and subjected her to physical and emotional pain, verbal abuse, neglect, humiliation, warped "religious" cult ideas of sin and salvation, and the list goes on.

When she learned of two twin children who needed loving, protective parental figures... she became obsessed. She could save them. Nobody ever saved her, but she could save them.

That delusion of forming a happy family with V and the twins only became worse after Mother Choi's death. (I hesitate to call it a murder, because it was an act of imperfect self-defense, and thus I'd argue it was voluntary manslaughter under USA law. But if we're being technical, under Korean law it's murder under extenuating circumstances. Legal jargon differs across countries.) Having taken Saeran's mother away from him, Rika got the idea that she needed to be his mother now. They would both have a good family now--that's a win-win, right?

This is the Rika we still see in Another Story. That's why she gives him the name Ray, to eliminate his past and all traces of V and Saeyoung, molding him into her obedient, doting son. That's why she dresses him up in layers upon layers and forces him to study hacking, so she can control every aspect of her sweet child. That's why she swipes Ray after she catches wind of his kiss with MC in the garden. She doesn't know or care who instigated the kiss; all she needs to know is that MC poses a risk to her fantasy, her game of house.

So she tortures Ray until he can become her puppet-son again. Except she ends up with Suit Saeran, and for the time being she'll allow that because at least he isn't tripping head over heels for MC.

That backfires too, and when Saeran frees himself of that stuffy suit and allows his body to breathe, once Saeran makes his own decision to abandon those shackles, follow his heart, apologize and atone for his wrongdoing, and break out of his gilded cage with MC... Rika loses it.

She's lost everything. Mint Eye be damned, she's lost her illusion that she will reach a "happily ever after."

So when V blames himself and crawls back to her, not wanting to see her crumble alone, she locks a collar and leash onto him. Honestly, it's the worst possible ending for V. He can't shake his self-hatred and guilt complex, and he feels the need to stand by Rika even as she sends them both on a path of destruction, because he refuses to abandon her like his father abandoned his mother. He didn't even love her anymore, but he wanted to give her the peace that he never could when they were together. This was how he felt he needed to pay for hurting her, even if it meant destroying himself.

Okay, screenshot is a good place to wrap up the backstory and dive into the RAE itself.

I've seen complaints that Rika's character was inconsistent in the RAE, but candidly I think the fluctuations in her goals, emotions, and actions represent her fragile mental state in a phenomenal way. She was highly sensitive and susceptible to emotional influence, whether positive or negative. The seemingly smallest, most trivial events could send her reeling. She clearly has a lot of mental health issues and trauma that have never properly been addressed. Instead she turned to the worst possible coping mechanisms: comphet, making a cult, and brainwashing folks into being your make-believe family.

She didn't team up with Saejoong because she likes the guy. She sees him as a means to an end: getting the twins to live with her in her game of house.

The "he" that Rika refers to in this chat is Saejoong. He's a horrendous parent, but he managed to capture Saeyoung, and therefore Rika sees him as a tool. She also is adamant that the younger twin is "Ray", not Saeran, because the boy she needs for her happy ending is the submissive one with pruned wings, not the independent one who flies away on his wings of love.

If MC tries to inquire into Rika's motivations, she simply says she chooses happiness and to focus on the small joys in life. She's no longer as guarded and high-strung, because she has much less to lose. She doesn't feel the need to be perfect, to be a Savior. She's at peace with herself, instead of constantly seeking approval. Part of that cab be attributed to V's (reluctant) acceptance of Rika for who she is, instead of trying to fix her.

She's trying to be more open and honest, and with that attempt we get a Rika who is less guarded and poised, and rather a Rika whose mask is off and is trying to navigate what it means to simply "exist." She just wants her family of 4 to live "happily" together, and a lot less scheming is required. She almost has the energy of "I'm going to be the fun, cool mom. :)"

I bet she's awful at stacking chairs, though.

Now, many characters AND players have wondered, "Why in the WORLD would Saejoong team up with Rika?" He thinks she's nuts. We know that Rika is using him, and I'd venture that he's doing the same. He knows he's caught between a rock and a hard place, but he also knows that this woman is desperate to take his troublesome bastard sons and disappear with them. She can't exist in public, after all, or she'd risk her secret of being a cult leader getting exposed. It's a weird solution, but he was in no place to refuse her offer. Coerce Saeyoung into making false broadcasts to bolster Saejoong's public image, and then let Rika, V, and the twins run off into the sunset.

A special insight that you only get during the Normal Ending is that Saejoong thought he and Rika were similar, which is likely another reason he was willing to collude with her. And the Normal Ending is the reason that I felt inspired to write this post at all.

On day 3, Rika accuses Saeran of hating her. She's furious that she doesn't have Ray anymore, because Ray needed her and gave her a purpose. Saeran doesn't need her, and that sends her into a panic. But he chooses to be compassionate and to try to sympathize with her.

On day 4, we get this exchange between MC and Rika:

Rika breaks down in MC's arms. She didn't know what love was, and she didn't know how to reach it herself. Her solution was to control, to manipulate, to clutch desperately onto people who showed her even a shred of warmth... but always staying just distant enough where she could withdraw or flee if she felt threatened, or worse, sabotage the connection herself.

She didn't know what love was because she'd never experienced it. Her mother was a malicious, cruel woman. Mika sacrificed and manipulated her. Her priest assaulted her. V did his best, but he kept pushing his ideals and methods onto her instead of listening to her. She kept Saeran through control. She brainwashed and gaslit believers, smooth-talking her way into their minds and pockets. She even kept V bound to her by blinding him; we can only assume he got treatment after his trial.

MC and Saeran showed her what love is. It's about kindness for the sake of kindness, not to curry favor. It's a willingness to step out of your comfort zone to help those you care about. It's being brave when you're terrified. It's communicating in more ways than one, always listening and considering the other's thoughts, feelings, actions, and reactions.

For the first time in her life, she saw love. She saw love in Saeran, who'd lured her and V away so that his lover and brother could be free. She saw love in MC, who'd always been gentle but firm with Rika, expressing genuine intrigue and concern for her. She saw people who didn't immediately demonize her for her worst mistake: the death of Mother Choi.

She's being honest with herself, too, acknowledging and understanding that her actions were wrong. And she starts bawling, because she's been repressing herself, her fears, and her needs for so long. She laments that she yearned for love like a child, but her body was too big now... and that made the void feel larger and emptier.

She finally got the answers she'd been trying to find for her entire life: What is love? And is she worthy?

So when the opportunity comes for her to set Saejoong straight, she tears into him. Now, she only does this in the normal ending. In the good ending, Saeran is the one who talks to Saejoong, says his piece, and gets his peace. Clearly that's the best possible ending for Saeran, because it allows him to put his last demon to rest. Now he can focus on healing and finding happiness on his own accord.

But in the normal ending, Rika shows that she's not just a sob story for MC and Saeran to pity. She's taking their lessons and her new convictions to heart and putting them into action.

And Saejoong truly loses his cool when he hears that the investigation team is coming. He knows he's toast, and so he tries to appeal to Rika one last time: "You know that you'll be going down, too."

To which Rika says: "Yes. It's long overdue."

Rika has a long, difficult road ahead of her, but it'll be a surprisingly peaceful one. She wants to heal. She wants to live a better life. She wants to be honest and true, and that means atoning for her crimes.

But then, she's going to devote her life to love.

The RAE Normal Ending is, in a bizarre way, the best outcome for Rika that Mysme canon gives us. (Because seriously, shipping her off to Alaska to GTFO was the laziest and most unsatisfying ending for her that I can imagine.)

[juminsmysticmc]

Hello dear friend! Glad to hear about your exam, so happy for you! 💕

So for my request, I wanted something about Agent Saeyoung & Agent Vanederwood coming home injured and Mc is taking care of them!(saeran would also help I think)

Love you! ❤

Saeyoung/ Vanderwood coming home injured

Hello! Thank you so much! And I loved your request! I hope you like my idea! Please tell me your opinion!

Saeyoung

,,I hate it,“ Saeyoung sighed as he pulled the trigger, shooting the man who called him to this dark basement once more. It was some task from the past, when he was still at the agency.

The red haired thought once he could leave the agency, he was free for real, but it wasn’t like that.

Instead, he got more than one warning from the person he was just killing, putting his family in danger.

And so, after a lot of worries, Saeyoung went that step and arrived at the place to fight.

He came armed, but he never planned to kill so many. Too many.

Maybe they were married, had a family, or just became happy and he killed them.

Another sob left his mouth as he looked around. Everyone was bleeding out, dying in front of him and Saeyoung couldn’t find the answer to his question: could I have done something different?

It was either keep his hands clean and put you in danger, or him killing people and protecting you.

Suddenly, the red haired man felt a stabbing pain in his thigh, making him hiss at the pain he suddenly felt.

When he turned around, shocked, scared, and surprised to check what happened, he could see a man supporting his upper body with one hand, while the other one was holding the knife.

,,I didn’t know they were planning to kill you,“ he suddenly cried, throwing up blood.

,,If I knew, I would have stayed with her. She begged me to stay,“ the man sobbed and then died.

,,I know, buddy,“ Saeyoung whispered in agony.

,,I know,“ he said as he broke down.

Afterwards, everything else happened pretty quickly.

Saeyoung dragged himself towards his car after he got rid of the evidence and hurried home to where only you were supposed to stay. You and the children were staying with Jumin, safe and sound from any danger.

The man opened the new lock he installed before he closed the door, slowly stepping in and checking to see if someone broke in while he was gone.

When he then suddenly heard footsteps, his heart stopped beating.

He quickly pointed the gun towards the door where he heard the footsteps come from, waiting to check if it was perhaps his brother. Instead, he got to meet your teary eyes, something he didn’t expect.

,,Mc?! Why the fuck are you still here?“ he hissed, adrenaline shooting through his body as he ran towards you.

,,You’re injured,“ you sobbed instead of answering, hugging his bloody body.

You and Saeran quickly tended to his injuries as he glared at his brother for allowing you to stay at home to wait for him.

,,What if I was someone bad?“ he asked you, gasping because of the burning feeling on his skin.

,,I saw you from the CCTV,“ you answered, looking in his eyes.

,,Do you really think I could have stayed with Jumin while you were fighting?“ you asked him.

Saeyoung didn‘t respond but observed how you put some disinfectant on the injury, blowing it a bit to prevent the burning from getting worse.

,,And the twins?“ he asked you, his voice was trembling as he saw how deep his injury was. It would have killed his daughter for sure.

,,At Jumin‘s place. I also gave them all pictures like you told me, as if they weren’t ours,“ you told him.

The bandage was missing before you finished tending to him and took him in your arms, stroking your face as Saeran gave you some privacy and called Jumin to inform him instead.

,,I was scared to death,“ he said before you fell asleep. All you could do was agree with him…

Vanderwood

,,First, I will kill her and then you will die,“ the man laughed at Vanderwood.

Suddenly, the man had your bloody body next to him. Behind him, even more people were on the ground.

No matter how hard he tried to yell, his voice didn’t seem to reach the man.

No matter how many prayers he said in his head, nothing seemed to change.

,,Vand-” someone seemed to call him.

,,Vanderwood!“ you repeated.

The man opened his eyes and gasped.

He felt something wet and cold on his forehead and his whole body was hurting and throbbing.

,,It’s okay,“ you whispered. Your soft but trembling hand stroked his cheek and suddenly he realized - he was laying in his bed.

,,You’re running a fever, but Saeran and I tended your wounds,“ you said and he could hear you smiling.

,,Saeyoung?“ he groaned.

,,He‘s well. He’s sleeping too, but he didn’t get shot like you. What the hell were you doing?“ you sighed and kissed his hand.

,,I‘m bloody,“ Vanderwood whined and tried to pull his hand away. However, he was too weak to be able to do anything.

,,I washed you when Saeyoung arrived with you in his arms. I thought the worst happened, but you are alive.

We tended your wound, I washed you, and laid you back in bed. Drink this while you‘re awake,“ you said and quickly passed him a glass of water and some pain killers.

,,My hands are soaked with blood,“ he whispered, before he drank the water you prepared.

,,They are so that children don’t have to fight instead. They are soaked in blood because you protected others. It hurts, but you‘re alive and fighting,“ you whispered and kissed his lips again.

You knew that he was in great pain, but you also knew that he would be able to overcome this pain.

And if he didn’t, you would make sure to support him.

Luckily, his fever quickly went down again and the wound he had didn’t get infected either.

You made sure to wash him and put a new bandage on him regularly.

Sometimes you were even allowed to feed him. He was worried sometimes and you saw, but Vanderwood was doing great at healing. He smiled again, teased you, and kissed you.

He enjoyed being in your care and you could see it.

ᗰᗩᔕTEᖇᒪIᔕT

16.05.2022 // 21:31 MEST

[marshmallowprotection]

Got into a car accident the other day (I’m not at fault and am mostly okay beyond some bruising/a mild concussion) but the car is totaled and I could use some comfort. Maybe from older bro Saeyoung?? Im really feeling the pain of losing my car. She was old and kinda funky but got me from point A to point B well and I miss her 😞

Saeyoung never wants his family to fall into danger!

The first thing that would happen when you told him you were in an accident is him doing everything he possibly can to make sure you're safe and comfortable.

Sure, is it worth pointing out that he would make sure that whoever puts you in an accident in the first place was taken care of if they were 100% at fault, yeah, but that's not something he would bring up with you as you are trying to recover. He's your big brother, and as much as he would want to get revenge on somebody who hurt you, he values taking care of you much more in the immediate. 

You know he's a mother hen no matter how much he says he's not. As soon as you are safe and sound in your bed, make no mistake, he has stocked your room with everything you could ever need. You don't have to get up or go very far to get anything. If he could make it so you wouldn't have to stumble that far to go to the restroom, he would do that as well, it just depends on how much of a time constraint he has.

He can make anything happen, and he will definitely go over the top in that realm. You have to give him credit for being ready for anything, at least.

He often says that's the one good thing about his paranoia. He can't always stop worrying, but he's ready for anything to go wrong at any moment. It helps him when something does go wrong, but he prays that nothing goes wrong so he doesn't have to put those plans into action. 

It's one thing to know that something could go wrong, it's another to see it happen. No amount of preparation is going to make him feel better about the fact that you got hurt and he couldn't stop it from happening. But, make no mistake, he's sitting at your bedside so you can tell him about your woes since there's not much else you can do but rest or talk to him.

When you tell him that you're sad about your car, he'll get it. He understands the emotional connection you can build to a vehicle because it is something that takes you everywhere. You put a lot of emotional compassion into this thing that helps you traverse the world and see everything there is to offer.

It's not silly to grieve over this loss, that's what he'd tell you. 

"Listen, little racer, I know you’re bummed out that someone took your baby. I would feel the same way if somebody demolished one of my cars. But, all good things come to an end, and even if this wasn't on the best of circumstances, you get to reflect on all the good times you had to come to terms with this loss. Do you want to tell me about your favorite trip you took with your car? I'd love to hear one. That's the great thing about being around someone who gets it, you get to hear the stories not everybody tells."