#as always you can read all about them in the spreadsheets I shared a while ago ^^

[heterocaine]

angelo's delightful, peculiar, mafia-slash-church-assigned, and crazily powerful to ridiculous degrees younger siblings. knowing the kind of story children's heterotopia is, they make me worry

[doorbellvibes]

you don't know how to start the conversation.

“let’s start things off,” katrina says, always the savior, always spreadsheets and straight lines. “you are…” 

“josh king,” you reply. 

“that part’s obvious,” josh (this josh) says. he’s joking to break the tension. you smile in support. 

“well, yeah,” you say. “i’m from another universe. i fell through a wormhole with this” —you hold up the broken warp device— “and i’ve been hopping through universes for a while now. none of them have been right. i can, like, share an embarrassing story to prove that we’re the same or something.” 

katrina raises her eyebrows. josh elbows her and hisses, “don’t you dare ask.” your chest burns with something you can’t totally identify: jealousy? longing? familiarity? 

kat shifts her posture; it’s usually a sign that she’s mentally switching gears in some way. you pointed it out to her, your her, once, and she said she had never noticed. josh seems to know, because he turns to face her more properly. 

“so, getting you home. what are we working with? i bet you have a script for this by now if you’ve had to talk to a bunch of versions of us by now.” 

“uh,” you say. “actually, i don’t really seek out alternate versions of myself. i usually try to find you, or someone else we know if i can’t.” 

she glances between you and josh. “sweet but weird.” 

“i get it,” josh says. “two joshes isn’t going to come up with that much more than one of us would. maybe we’d get it done faster, but we wouldn’t have any genius breakthroughs.” 

“one,” katrina says, counting on her fingers, “don’t talk about my friend that way.” 

“do you have a second thing?” you ask. 

“...no.” 

josh snorts. “let’s get this back on track. space josh,” he says, gesturing to you. “how do we help you?” 

you’ve had a lot of practice answering this one. “okay. so this device is janice’s, but in this time period she doesn’t seem to be interested in electronics very much. so i usually try to shoot for finding rachel, if she’s not super famous and busy, or raus and klaus.” you pause to read their faces; josh’s is hard, because you don’t usually see yourself from the outside, but kat’s mask of collected competence is permeable. she’s confused.

“do you know janice wood or rachel glass?’ you ask. 

josh and katrina glance at each other. “no,” he says.” katrina pulls out her phone, presumably to google one or both, and tilts the screen flat so everyone can see. you lean forwards, so you can read the results upside down. 

janice is listed as a professional carpenter. “she’s cute,” katrina says, tapping to enlarge the close-up of her using a table saw. 

“would you believe that she’s your girlfriend in my world?” 

“holy shit,” she breathes. “how do i come with you?” 

“i would be careful,” you say. “my katrina would kick your ass about it.” 

“bet i could take her.” 

josh raises one eyebrow. “isn’t she a space pilot in his reality?” 

katrina shrugs. “we’ve faced longer odds. she probably doesn’t even have a rapier.” 

you decide not to question that one. most of the kats from this time period that you’ve met have stories about meeting josh at a renaissance faire, or at a convention, or at a pottery class. almost all of them involve dodging some kind of mortal danger, which you guess you and your katrina can’t judge. 

“can you look up rachel?” you say instead. 

katrina types rachel glass into the search engine and there she is, a professional headshot on a neutral background. 

“rachel glass,” reads josh, “was an american dancer and computer scientist.” he looks up at you, but you barely register it. 

“oh,” you say, and try to compartmentalize this information. your rachel is fine. your rachel is alive and well in your world. all things considered, this is a stranger. 

“are you okay?” josh asks. 

“i’m sorry,” katrina says, and reaches over to put a hand on your shoulder. “i’m sorry.” 

you shake your head. “it’s okay. it was bound to happen in some universe.” 

katrina moves her hand from your shoulder to your hand, squeezes it, and then pockets her phone. “it’s still a loss. no use in treating it like it doesn’t matter, just because she wasn’t the one you know.” she glances at josh, and then back at you, and you’re pretty sure that she’s comparing your identical faces. 

“thanks, kat,” you say, and if it’s weird to nickname someone you’re technically meeting for the first time, it doesn’t feel it. 

josh takes a deep breath, nearly a sigh, in and out. a reset. “what now?” he asks. 

your fingers brush the device, laid on a chair next to you. “i guess i just keep going. janice can’t help, and rachel… can’t help, and there’s no way to find raus and klaus without rachel. they like to keep a low profile.” 

“i can get you some coffee before you go,” josh interjects. “or you can stay the night at our apartment, if you haven’t slept in a while. i want to help in whatever way we can.” 

“i could use coffee, i guess,” you say. josh gets up and heads to the back of the counter, without asking for your order or anything. of course he wouldn’t have to. 

when he’s busy making the coffee, katrina grabs both your hands firmly. she looks straight into your eyes. “promise me you won’t give up,” she says. “i don’t know how long it’s going to take, but i know you’ll make it. you’re going to get home if you don’t give up. don’t settle. don’t convince yourself you can’t do it. promise me.” 

you look at her, dead-serious and determined. you’re only just meeting, but she knows how to cut to the quick of you and then suture it back up. it might as well be your katrina, right in front of you; it might as well be her speaking through another self. 

“i promise,” you say, and decide that you mean it.

[graciereadshannigram]

hey fam, my spreadsheet is FINALLY up to date so i am FINALLY getting back to the monthly rec lists! here's the cream of the crop from June :)

as a reminder: the ingredients for a five star rating typically (but not always!!) include some combination of a.) believable characterizations of both Hannibal and Will, b.) compelling plot and/or character arcs, and c.) high quality smut.

that being said, my judgment of the aforementioned ingredients is powered almost exclusively by vibes and as such, is incredibly subjective.

you can find past recs below:

February March April May

and if you have any recs of your own for me, PLEASE SHARE.

without further ado, let's go!

Bring Your Hunger by HigherMagic

Word Count: 22748 Summary: Having two Alphas is practically unheard of. Having three is damn near impossible. Having three like Hannibal, Duncan, and Nigel? All of them not only content to share, but genuinely enjoying each other's company? Well, Will doesn't believe in fate so much as luck, and he's more than willing to admit he's the luckiest Omega in the world.

Show, Don't Tell by StratsWrites, whiskeyandspite

Word Count: 3680 Summary: “The bedroom,” Hannibal murmured. “Do you have the patience to get there?” In answer, Hannibal gripped the backs of Will’s thighs and hoisted him up, settling him onto the kitchen island. After the fall... Will makes Hannibal wait. Just... to see what he would do.

I will read anything where Will purposefully drives Hannibal out of his mind.

to lie in wait for blood by its_the_ratdawg

Word Count: 1907 Summary: They had been sharing a bed since their first night on the run, ever since Will had climbed into bed next to Hannibal and curled around his broken body. In nearly a year that had passed since then, they’d always slept together unless they were enduring the climax of a particularly nasty fight. It had only happened three times. Tonight had nearly been the fourth. Hannibal laid there feeling as awake as he had ever been. Even with a fire built in the wood stove, the bed seemed cold with Will tucked stubbornly against the far side of the mattress, stoic as the cross on the wall above the bed. The pale moonlight streaming in through the window only made the illusion more severe. Just as Hannibal was considering drugging himself to sleep, Will shifted and his breath hitched. Hannibal waited for the rhythm of his breath to resume the slow, sleeping pace he was used to. He nearly jumped when instead he felt Will reach for him, his hand finding Hannibal’s waist. Wordlessly Will pulled Hannibal against him the way a bear might drag its prey to it with a single paw.

Somnophilia is really my thing and I loved this.

Batter My Heart by amarriageoftrueminds

Word Count: 2351 Summary: Hannibal/Will, Hannibal tricks Will into talking dirty. Will has trouble switching off. Hannibal doesn’t mind, and encourages Will to continue their conversations about serial killers while they’re having sex. About one serial killer in particular.

Fuck me, this was so hot.

Blaze by HotMolasses

Word Count: 3008 Summary: The thought slipped from his mind as a warm tingle spread across his skin. Will inhaled again, deeply, and the scent was so good, so very, very good. A soft moan even escaped his lips before he realized what he was scenting, though it wasn’t until he heard the feral, bestial growl in front of him that his brain finally made the full connection, and his eyes flew open in terror. Rut. Hannibal had indeed lost his control. Will’s eyes snapped up to Hannibal’s and he saw them dilating. Will’s throat grew dry and his heart leapt with fear. The Chesapeake Ripper was in rut, and it was because of him.

This author could write anything and I'd eat it up.

A Rising Tide by gleamingwholeanddeadly

Word Count: 3255 Summary: Sleepy, nostalgic talks in a bedroom the same colour as the ocean. Hannibal reflects on how close he feels to Will. Will wouldn't mind getting even closer. OR: Cuddles, unnecessarily florid banter, and graphic morning sex.

Oh I love this author so fucking much.

no amount of crying i can do for you by abbmyg

Word Count: 3763 Summary: Will is driving from Quantico to Hannibal's house in the middle of a blizzard. He never makes it home.

Umm, I'm tearing up thinking about this fic. It hurt. A lot.

i bet on losing dogs (you're my baby) by antiheroblake

Word Count: 2822 Summary: now, all hannibal has is winston

This made me sob. It hurt.

The most dangerous injuries don't leave scars by CulterVenatorius

Word Count: 909 Summary: When Hannibal hadn’t told Will about the encephalitis, thus preventing immediate treatment, he’d been more than aware of the possible outcomes. What he hadn’t been prepared for was that Will might change him and that one day, he might come to regret his decisions.

Ow ow ow ow OW.

Love Letters by Thiefbird

Word Count: 2039 Summary: After Will's funeral, Molly finds a box filled with relics from his past, and confronts the truth of her husband's history with Dr Lecter

WHUMP. This one hurt. In a good way.

Wrong by HotMolasses

Word Count: 4257 Summary: Will roughly rubbed his arm across his mouth again, trying to rub it off. Rub off the scent of Alana, after they’d kissed. After she’d kissed him. Or he’d kissed her? It was mutual. Until it wasn’t. Until Will breathed in her scent, so familiar, so Alpha, so…wrong. He’d pulled back forcibly, unable to hide the expression of revulsion on his face. “I…I need to go.” he said, sweeping his coat off the back of a chair on his way towards the door. “Lock up when you leave.” The weather was crap, and it probably wasn’t smart to drive in the snow while he was in pre-heat, but Will didn’t know what else to do. He needed to figure this out, he needed to talk to the only person who understood him. He needed to talk to Hannibal.

Another damn good reread.

Quid Pro Quo (Just friends helping friends) by QueerCannibal

Word Count: 4840 Summary: Will Graham isn't exactly going to therapy, and Hannibal Lecter isn't exactly his psychiatrist, which is probably why when their conversations turn to unorthodox topics neither of them are entirely guilty about it. Will Graham is stressed, and Hannibal Lecter--as Will's friend--wants nothing more than to help.

ACE HANNIBAL AND TRANS WILL. We love the representation.

a slick delicate sound by destroyedspectacularly

Word Count: 4345 Summary: Hannibal catches Will with one of his students (Matthew Brown) in his office, and takes the opportunity the stupid boy left behind, and finds out some fun new things about one Will Graham in the process. -- “Were you hoping he’d cross the line on his own? Do all the work for you?” “Well, he’s a good student. I know he’d love to do all the work,” Will shut his eyes in shame before he even finished his sentence, “That—that was inappropriate—should we go? I think we should go—”

I LOVE WHEN THEY FUCK IN WILL'S OFFICE ON HIS DESK.

The Porcelain Fawn by EarthsickWithoutYou

Word Count: 4976 Summary: Will falls asleep while visiting Hannibal one evening, and the good doctor carries his guest to bed, unable to resist watching him sleep. But when Will starts having one of his lusty nightmares, Hannibal can't hold his passionate obsession back any longer...

Oh noooo, not Will have a nightmare that turns into a sex dream that turns into actual sex!

Whiskey for One by CarnivalMirai

Word Count: 5364 Summary: Will is bribed by Beverly into driving her to a college party. When he loses his way to the bathroom, he bumps into the host’s father. And oh, is he beautiful. Or: Will fucks his classmate’s father

BEST FRIEND BEV. This probably would have gotten five stars regardless, but the ending was really the cherry on top.

Home and Dry by mokuyoubi

Word Count: 4329 Summary: Um, so, people on tumblr wanted Hannigram phone sex, dick pics, and Hannibal talking dirty, and this is what happened. Will's stuck in a car with Jack and Alana, and Hannibal starts sending him massively inappropriate texts. Tada!

Fuck me sideways, this was perfect.

You'll Go Blind by mokuyoubi

Word Count: 3650 Summary: Hannibal comes home to find Will masturbating in his bed, and it's time for them to finally follow through on the promise of all the texts they've been sending one another. I guess it could be read as a stand-alone, but it would help to read Home and Dry, first.

THE BUILD UP FROM PART ONE (above) MADE THIS SO GOOD.

howl by multifandom_fic_writer

Word Count: 7386 Summary: Prompt: When omegas go into heat, they go feral. Only an alpha strong enough to subdue them is worthy of being their mate. Will Graham has never found anyone to be worthy. After all, there is only one alpha Will wants to submit to – and he doesn’t even know their name.

This was just stupid hot. Okay. That's all.

Dead Men and Sinners by gleamingwholeanddeadly

Word Count: 4890 Summary: He looks at Hannibal and sees what he sees: himself glowing where he stands, blood-red and divine- a vengeful god of death. Protecting what's his. Hannibal steps toward him, and Will sees what's coming next, too. He drops the knife and catches Hannibal's face in his bloodied hands as he presses in to kiss him. The touch of his lips is searing hot against the blood cooling on Will’s skin, and so are his hands grasping at Will's waist. "Nothing," he whispers, kissing Will again intently before he continues, smearing blood between their mouths, "nothing is so moving as watching you act on your glorious wrath." A trespasser makes the mistake of attempting to blackmail Will and Hannibal, which is the last decision he makes. Hannibal shows Will just how pleased he is by his savage protectiveness. Pure filth written for Bottom Hannibal Day

God why is post murder sex so hot?

an ocean in my soul where the waters do not curve by gleamingwholeanddeadly

Word Count: 11540 Summary: n/a

This was fucking gorgeous and beautiful and sad and hopeful and. Wow.

bite down into me by gleamingandwholeanddeadly (something_safe), printersdeadly, printersdevils (tuesdaysgone)

Word Count: 21307 Summary: When Will is diagnosed with encephalitis and has to come cold turkey off his hormonal suppressants, Hannibal does everything within his power to ensure Will's comfort throughout the recovery process. But despite all Hannibal's careful planning, Will is never quite what he expects, and they quickly find themselves entangled in all manner of ways.

FUCK. This was so fucking good.

Keep Me Warm by nbcravenstag

Word Count: 5138 Summary: Will lets out a gasp, which is decidedly the worst thing he could do because Hannibal is on him in a second, pulling him close, tucking him against his chest, and rubbing his hands up and down Will’s body through the mountain of blankets. Will lets him do this, realizing now that Hannibal isn’t here in the present with him, but somewhere colder and less kind where there was blood in the snow and a devastating loss to come. _________________ Will arrives home after walking through a blizzard, fully expecting an angry husband, but instead finds a traumatized little boy, terrified of the cold and haunted by what he's already lost.

This hit all the right emotional notes for me. There's something so sweet about Hannibal being vulnerable with Will, wow. And Will knowing exactly how to react.

The Armor of Patroclus by nbcravenstag

Word Count: 8754 Summary: “You stay with me now, Will.” Hannibal urges, placing him back down so that he can continue compressions. He whispers please with each pump of his hands against Will’s chest and breathes life and love back into Will’s lungs. “You stay with me. You can do that, I know you can.” Hannibal pushes and pushes and begs and goes lightheaded with the lack of air, but he cannot stop because Will still won’t wake up. _________________ Hannibal finds himself on the beach and nearly loses Will along the way.

The angst here was perfect. Utterly perfect. Sometimes you just need some good good angst, you know?

Always In My Mind by swaggnation

Word Count: 19133 Summary: They had, in fact, not died together. And Will was ready to make it everyone’s (Hannibal’s) problem. Or, Three times Will tries to kill himself, and one time Hannibal answers for his sins.

OUCH OUCH OUCH but also this was so sweet and good and mmmmmmmf.

kalos kagathos by zipegs

Word Count: 8176 Summary: Will has always had issues with penetration, but with Hannibal, he discovers he wants to try. Thankfully, Hannibal’s cock is just the right size.

Oh! This had some really great trope inversion and that made it such a nice breath of fresh air.

Elysium by sourweather

Word Count: 2955 Summary: Hannibal finds Will dissociating in the shower. Again. Luckily, he has a creative technique for bringing him back to earth.

I need more showerhead orgasms!! Wish I had Hanni whispering in my ear like he was whispering in Will's. Fuck.

The Law of Meat by gleamingandwholeanddeadly (something_safe), printersdeadly, printersdevils (tuesdaysgone)

Word Count: 85396 Summary: Hannibal wakes alone in a hospital bed, barely able to move, and even less able to accept what Tattlecrime tells him - Will did not survive the fall.

THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL. Chapter 8 was absolutely gorgeous and so well done and so necessary for Will's character development wow.

[mysticsparklewings]

OhuHueVember Prompt List

Finally, I can share the surprise I’ve been working on! 😆 (Though admittedly later in the day than I really wanted...)

After years of wanting to try out Huevmber, I finally thought of a way to make it work for me, all because I spend far too much time thinking about markers. 🤪 And I did my best to make it easy for others to join in, if you want to!

I tried to get all the essential information on the images themselves but y’all know me by now—If you need more information, I’ve got a MUCH longer write-up hiding behind the "Keep Reading" button + a Spreadsheet, if you need it, too! ✨

⭐️ Like My Art and Want to see more of it? Here's All My Links! ⭐️

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Before I get into my usual long-winded description (and trust, it will be long), if you want to actually follow this prompt list—Or the Weekly version—here's what you need to know (some of which is already stated in the image, but I want to keep things as clear and easy to understand as possible!):

Here's the "Official" Spreadsheet that has all of the color codes, Honolulu color names, and some additional information like recommended Light/Dark blend pairings for each color typed out, both in case the image format doesn't work for you and also because some things like the Light/Dark blends just wouldn't all fit in one image. [A sample photo of the Light/Dark blend pairings will also be available soon, and I'll add a link here when they are, but I unfortunately ran out of time to have them ready to post alongside the list

As the upper right corner says: This challenge is not officially affiliated or sponsored by Ohuhu, I just like the markers and have had them on the brain a lot lately!

This is open to all mediums! While this challenge was inspired by working with Ohuhu markers traditionally, as the image says: If you don't have these specific markers or colors, use what you do have! This includes doing the challenge digitally if digital tools are what you have, or whatever other medium you're comfortable with and have access to: Original Art, Coloring Pages, Card Crafting, etc. The point is to play with color and have fun, so as long as you're doing that, pretty much anything goes!

Likewise, as the image says: The idea is to focus on 1 Color ("Hue") Everyday in November, but you can use as many colors as you want each day as long as the "Color of the Day" is the main focus/main visible color.

I've provided a Weekly version of the list in case the full 30 is too much, but you can pick-and-choose words from the full list however you'd like if you're not crazy about the colors I picked for the Weekly version, or if you want to shorten the challenge in a different way. - Do note though that the 5 colors I chose for the Weekly version were selected to specifically work well as a 5-color "mixing" palette to make those 5 colors stretch farther as a limited palette, if you're up for a little extra challenge. Based on this video by Peter Donahue.

Tagging me is appreciated, but not required! However, do note that I will Like & Share posts that I can easily identify as being related to the challenge on platforms where I'm able to do those things. If you want me to see and share what you made, Tagging me makes it easier!

Remember that my views on these Month-Long Daily Challenges is that it's about the challenge of completing a certain amount of creative pieces in the time given...And that's pretty much it, so as long as you're doing that and having fun, I'm really not bothered about how you choose to follow the list! My Inktober motto has always been "work smarter, not harder," and this is no different!

I think that's all the stuff you need to know to participate, but if you're curious in hearing more about my thoughts/process in putting this challenge together, read on!

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Would you Sparklers believe that I was so excited about sharing this that I had trouble staying asleep until time to get up this morning? 😆 It's true!

Either way, some of you are probably wondering just as much as I am what exactly has gotten into me lately: First I make my own prompt list for October—something I can't say I ever previously thought I'd do—and now here I am just having finished that list with yet another daily, month-long challenge...And I made this list, too! 😱

Some of you may have noticed that as we went through Obscutober this year, there were various points where I hinted at working on something marker-related and/or something for November. If you haven't figured it out already, this is what that was about! 🤭

And you'd think I would have learned my lesson about taking on one Daily Challenge after another back in 2021...

I'm sorry, Sparklers, I just had the mid-typing realization that the last time I took on a daily challenge in November was also immediately after the last time I did Obscutober instead of Inktober and my brain froze for a second. How did I not notice that before??

What was I saying? Oh.

At that time, I took on @ProjectEducate's 30 Days of Art Challenge, but I also attempted to dial things way back for myself by using it as an excuse to playing more Animal Crossing: New Horizons rather that making full-blown artwork everyday..And while that did help, it still turned out to be my challenging than I expected. 😅

That's one of the primary [ha] reasons I've never participated in the "traditional" Huevember challenge for November, even though I found it very appealing when I discovered it existed. I know myself, and just the same as I typically don't have the stamina to do Inktober in a "normal" way, I know I definitely don't have the stamina to do Huevember in a "normal" way immediately following Inktober (even if I do account for the fact that I do Inktober in weird ways).

Making my own list makes that no different, but then...What are we doing here? 🤔

Well, all of this really stems from the fact that—as I believe I've mentioned somewhere before, maybe multiple places—I've been spending quite a lot of time over on Reddit discussing and answering questions about Ohuhu Markers. As it stands, Ohuhu themselves doesn't provide a ton of resources for the markers, so it largely falls back on the user community to fill in the gaps, and it happens that I know, keep track of, or otherwise have close-at-hand a lot of "gap" information specifically for the purposes of keeping my Ohuhu Swatch Chart up to date.

I also do just really like the markers, so as much of a chore as it can be to keep track of all the information at times, I really don't mind getting the opportunity to just nerd out about them a few times a week.

The thing is, as is not too difficult to notice if you look at my art posting history, I haven't actually had a whole lot of time or allowed myself as much opportunity as I'd like to make actual art with my Ohuhu markers.

So back in September while I was trying to figure out what in the world to do for Inktober this year and one of my friends offhandedly suggested a "Swatch Challenge" for Inktober, in a matter of minutes my brain connected dots from "Swatches" to > "Colors" to > "Huevember" to > "Ohuhu" to > "OhuHUE"!! "Huevember but with Ohuhu markers, specifically!!" 💡

While obviously not really at all helpful for figuring out Inktober, that did sound like a great way to take advantage of how much the markers have been on my mind lately and participate in the Ohuhu community some more beyond being, essentially, a sentient FAQ page. 😆

So, as crazy of a move as it felt—and still does—What time I wasn't planning for and then working on Obscutober during September and October (and wasn't spent either dealing with IRL things or giving myself some much-needed break time in between), I spent trying to pull things together to make this challenge possible.

Those things included (not really in a particular order as a lot of these things I went back-and-forth with at various stages):

Picking the 30 colors that would be featured. The more natural choice probably would have been to "match" Ohuhu colors to the existing Huevember colors, but after thinking it over, I decided it would be better to try and keep things more accessible, if I could. Not everyone will have the big 320 set of Ohuhu Honolulu colors to choose from, but I know a lot of people will probably have at least the "standard" 48 colors that the Honolulu line started with—Either because like me, that's the set they started with, or because those 48 colors are all included in quite a few other "standard" sets.

For what it's worth, I did consider starting with the 24-count Honolulu set colors to try and make the colors even more accessible, but that set has NO orange in it for some reason and I wanted this challenge to be as colorful as possible, so I didn't really want to include black or grey if I could help it.

In the other direction; I very nearly included R13 from the 72 set to try and flesh out the purple sleections more, but I noticed that while I was putting the suggested blends together, the light/dark blends that make the most sense with R13 made the trio-blend look nearly identical to the trio blend for PB2. So in the end, I decided to just shift the Dark blend on PB2 to a slightly more purple-y blue and leave R13 out after all.

In exchange, P3 got added to the list...which made things a little harder in figuring out the trio blends for P4, but my only other option for purple in the 48 set was R11, and in my blend testing it proved even trickier to deal with. 🙃

Picking said Light/Dark blend for each color. This most involved a lot of swatching and test blends, which was easily the longest and most laborious part of the process.

And as stated at the top of the description, I fully intended to have a sample photo to show you those blends in action—I have swatch cards all labelled and everything!—but I simply ran out of time to have that ready to post alongside the list today. 😅

I'm still going to do the samples, it'll just be either later today or tomorrow before they're ready. Either way, I'll post a link here when they are!

I'll spare you the nitty-gritty on the process of picking out said blends, but suffice to say there was a LOT of back-and-forth that took up 5 pieces of cardstock—some of them front and back—because I wanted blends that stayed "true" to the hue of each color, and still actually showed variation in the lightness or darkness of the color, but also were relatively "easy" blends that didn't take too much work to look smooth. At least on the type of paper I like to use (60-80 lb. cardstock or 80-100+ lb. mixed media paper). I did learn from another test that these blends do still mostly work on plain printer paper, for example, but it's not quite the same, so your mileage will vary a little bit on how easy the blends really are. Why did I find this step even necessary to bother with, for as much trouble as it was? Call it a symptom of the wider Ohuhu and alcohol-marker using community. People are always wondering what/how to blend clothes together well, and between that and trying to provide what accessibility to the challenge I can, offering pre-selected blends seemed like a good idea. [And, if I'm being totally honest, I didn't realize exactly how much work figuring the blends out would be and thought getting the chance to just play with color blends sounded fun when I made the decision to do it. 😅]

To that end, I also of course Determined reasonable Hex Code "matches" for each color. Again, this was largely an accessibility thing trying to account for people that either don't have the specific colors/markers listed and want to attempt to match the colors in some way, and to provide an option for any digital artists just in case any see the list and want to give it a try, especially since digital brushes that mimic alcohol marker behavior have become more popular in recent years.

As noted in the Spreadsheet, I both looked at multiple swatches of the actual real marker colors and was using some of those digital "alcohol marker" brushes to text how the selected digital color would behave. I'm quite sure some of my final choices aren't completely perfect picks, especially if you're working in a different program than I was (Procreate), but I at least stand by them as "reasonably close" options.

And just in case anyone passed by this post and is wondering, because I know I've seen people ask for it—I would in fact like to one day provide "reasonably close' Hex code matches for all of the Ohuhu Honolulu markers, but that is definitely a far-off project you should not expect from me any time soon after seeing just how challenging it was to do for these 30 alone. 🫠

Worth an additional here that I actually originally wanted to include hex matches for the Light and Dark blends to make "Light" and "Dark" versions of the prompt list itself for people who do have access to the 320 range and maybe wanted to play with color in different ways than the "base" tones, but again: Figuring out the hex matches for these 30 was trouble enough and I could tell I really, really was not going to have time to do that and the other prep work I still had left to do at that point.

Speaking of, I had to Determine Oahu matches or "close enough" alternatives for each color. Yet again the magic word is accessibility, and I've also noticed that the Oahu (no brush tip) markers just sorted get left out when it comes to Community Ohuhu Resources. Since we now have a Spreadsheet reportedly from Ohuhu themselves listing which Oahu and Honolulu colors match, it was important to me to include them, even if it was a little more work.

For all of the colors that had 1:1 matches, it really wasn't too bad. What through me for a loop was the few colors that didn't have 1:1 matches, so I had to go track down some swatch examples and make an educated guess which other Oahu colors would be closest. So there's your acknowledgement right now, just like the image says, I know at least a few of the Oahu colors aren't exact matches. Both because exact matches don't exist, but also the "closest" matches I did pick may not be fully accurate either since I don't own the Oahus and had to pick based on swatches over the internet. I'm sorry, this is the best I could do!

And of course, what I consider a key component of making Month-Long challenges accessible: I had to Put together a Weekly version!

As noted at the beginning and in the description for the Weekly version: I chose for the Weekly version were selected to specifically work well as a 5-color "mixing" palette to make those 5 colors stretch farther as a limited palette, if you're up for a little extra challenge. Based on this video by Peter Donahue. I had actually previously picked out 5 colors from the 320 Honolulu range after seeing Pete's video purely for fun. Alcohol markers notoriously aren't usually good for "mixing" to get new colors the way you would paints or pencils, but I was intrigued by his limited palette since he was working with oil paints, which kind of notoriously don't mix as vibrantly as other media. For the record, my original 320 set picks for the 5 colors are:

Y080

B070

PB2

RV080

YR3

Two of which were already in my selection of 30 for this challenge, and B070 was naturally super close to PB7. Initially, RP1 was a closer match to RV080, but in testing I found that R10 mixed better for this selection.

So really the only color I had to make a big compromise on was Y080. There's really nothing else quite like in the entire Honolulu range, but in my testing GY6 worked better than I expected as a substitute, considering the limited options I had to choose from here. And then I just lucked out that November technically takes up 5 weeks on the calendar, I just had to figure out the "spacing" so each color would get a reasonable number of days to work with, the same way that I adjusted the days for the Weekly version of Obscutober. [And frankly, that was easier to do here since November has 30 days and 30 divides evenly by 5.]

I did briefly re-visit the idea of sticking just to colors from the 24 Honolulu set so the Weekly version could be as accessible as possible, but long story short the longer I look at the color selections for that set, the weirder the stranger they seem, so I ultimately I couldn't help myself and just went with the colors I thought would be more versatile even if they're not likely to be as accessible.

I mean, after all, I was going to have a disclaimer that you can use whatever you want even if you don't have these specific colors anyway, so hopefully it won't be too big of a deal that I opted for the palette that I personally saw more use in. Oh, and for what it's worth: I did consider making a "Lite"/every-other-day version of this list like I did last month, but after seeing the "Lite" version was not a popular choice last month and acknowledging I already had my work cut out for me, I decided it didn't really seem worth the extra effort when I fully believe everyone is capable of skipping days on their own as they see fit.

And then, of course, another step that ended up being trickier than I expected: I had to figure out how to compile all of this information, or at least most of it, in a single image. (Well, okay, two images including the Weekly version, but you get the idea.)

Again, I'll spare you the nitty-gritty, but I will say that while I did clearly figure something out, I nearly completed another version in a more typical list format before deciding I didn't like how little you could actually see the colors themselves in it. I don't know about you Sparklers, but "Huevember" makes me think colorful, so that's how I wanted the list/post image to be.

In the midst of trying to figure out a better way to do the list for maximum information + maximum color + maximum clarity, I paused to work on the wrap-up template for this year's Obscutober (which yes, is still a thing I'm going to do, probably tomorrow), and it was from doing the calendar format for that from which sprang the idea to try a calendar format for this! 😃

If you look at one of my usual Inktober wrap-ups, you'll notice it's still not 1:1 because I had a lot more text information that needed to be here, but y'know I think it was a pretty great solution, all things considered. 😊

Though, for the record, the Weekly version was originally going to have the bars for each "week" in proper calendar format too—spread over the actual calendar days each one would take up—but that was scrapped because the longer I looked, the more confusing that layout looked for the actual information. So I sacrificed the cheekiness in the name of making it clear and easy to get the information you need from that version.

You might have guesses that even though I was working on this in the background for nearly two months that I still maybe bit off more than I could chew by the fact this is going up both on November 1st instead of a couple of days in advance (like I was very fortunately able to manage with Obscutober) and it's also going up in the very-late "afternoon" instead of more like around lunchtime. 😅

I really, really did my best to have everything ready before now, but the last couple of weeks of October proved much busier than I expected. I probably should've seen that coming because that always seems to happen when I'm working on a time-sensitive project that's big and important to me, but I can't see the future and I can't just never work on another big, important project again because I'm afraid that'll happen, so... 🤷‍♀️

I just have to accept this is the way things turned out and try not to be too hard on myself about it. It was a lot of work and still deserve credit for that, at least!

Speaking of: Some of you might be wondering about that long-ago mentioned point: "I know myself, and just the same as I typically don't have the stamina to do Inktober in a "normal" way, I know I definitely don't have the stamina to do Huevember in a "normal" way immediately following Inktober..." That is still true, and I do not plan to approach my challenge here in a "normal" way either, for that reason.

But, much like my logic of "well, I made the list, I should use it," for Obscutober, after all the work I put into this, I am still going to use the list/participate, and not just the Weekly version either. [Though I fully admit just doing the Weekly version would probably be the smarter thing to do for me...]

I'll try and keep this brief since the description is certainly enough of a book already and the sooner I can wrap this up and get it posted so other people can actually participate if they want to, the better, but:

I've been wanting to get back into just coloring in Adult Coloring books (or single pages made for that audience) occasionally, as I've unintentionally moved away from that hobby for a few years when I used to do it all the time. When I first started, the hobby was still pretty new and niche, and sharing finished pages felt "wrong" to try and mix in with my regular art posts, but things have noticeably changed since then.

And in particular, using Ohuhu markers in adult coloring books has actually become pretty common.

So that's the first part of what I'm going to do to try and scale this challenge back so I can still particpate be hopefully not overwhelm myself: After some consideration of options, I've printed out some of Johanna Basford's similar illustrations on small, 2.5" x 3.5" cuts of my favorite mixed media paper—Artist Trading Card size!—and those are what I'm going to color for the month.

The second part of how I'm going to scale back is that, while I am going to actually color something every day for the challenge, I'm only going to post my finished results once a week. Because I found/remembered during Obscutober that since I both like to type out these long descriptions (even when it's not really necessary) and cross-post to about a dozen places, the actual posting-everyday-process is what really wears me out and gets me down, often far more than making the art itself typically does. 🫠

I admittedly had much grander plans and was hoping to still post every day in some way when I first set out to make this challenge, but I think if you've read the description this far, you'll understand why I had to change course for my own sake. 😅

Speaking of...Let me think for a moment if this might be it, if I've explained everything I wanted to both about the challenge itself and my approach to it...

I think so, but there was a lot to cover so hopefully if I did leave anything out, it wasn't that important and I can either edit this description or just touch on it at some later point during the month.

Either way, I hope if anyone does want to participate—as I am boldly assuming at least a few people will—I hope you're not too upset and/or can forgive me for not being able to post this sooner so you could get started sooner. As discussed, I did my best and I feel any frustration or disappointment you may have with the posting time of the list, 100%. But I am unfortunately only one human that can only do so much in a day's time that does not have the budget to hire an assistant to help me do stuff like this at this point in my life. 🙃

Oh! For the record, I don't plan to make this a yearly thing, which is why I've not put a year on the image or in the title. Mainly because having to pick all-new colors would really mess with the various points of accessibility I've tried so hard to keep, so if this does turn out to be a thing people want to do again, my plan would honestly be to just use the same list in perpetuity, and maybe just add onto it with some of the things and ideas I didn't have time to flesh out the way I wanted this year. However, that said, I'm not fully opposed to revisiting the idea of wholly new color assortments in the future if this version proves successful enough. What exactly that "enough" is I won't know until I see it, but I did just want to lay all my cards on the table for people who might be curious about long-terms plans here. Now, if you all will excuse me, I best go ahead and get this cross-posted while there is still some sun in the sky and, as mentioned, after that I still have a few other things on my plate that need my attention for the day—including my own participation in the challenge!

So, whether you choose to participate or not: Here's to starting the month off strong and having fun! 🥂 And good luck to us all!

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List Design  © me, MysticSparklewings

This Challenge is not officially affiliated with or sponsored by Ohuhu

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⭐️ Like My Art and Want to see more of it? Here's All My Links! ⭐️

[fountainpenguin]

hiii new reader here! I'm loving your neighborhood watch au :) I have a question though, what's up with all the hidden fics if you don't mind answering?

Thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying it! I'm hoping to post more for that AU during 2025; working on the buffer this winter :) Next up should be "Goodchild Oscar," which I started a long time ago and have been itching to share. I love NW AU so much...

And good question! My hidden fics are in an unrevealed collection called Riddle WIPs:

Hidden works are my drafts, but in a way that prevents them from being auto-deleted by AO3 after 30 days (i.e. the way AO3's actual draft feature does).

Keeping my works in this unrevealed collection lets me see everything, organize everything, link them to other works, prep my tags in advance, and do my color-coding HTML in advance (for works that use the green/yellow/red name system for life colors). Multi-chapter works also get their spoiler dropdown boxes in advance too.

This is a lifesaver when working with series. I have my works in multiple series, and every time you add one of those (or an inspired work), you have to save/post to refresh the page before you can add another. People who subscribe to a series (as opposed to the story or author) get the notification after a work is posted. I like to make sure my work has all the series attached to it upfront, not just one. It's nice to feel like I have plenty of time to do everything I want for prep purposes without stressing about a 30-day timer.

In short, it's a LOT easier to stick to a weekly upload schedule if all the work on the AO3 side is done in advance and all I need to do is slap the chapter in and post. Here's a draft I prepped last night, for instance:

/slaps his little head - This work can fit SO much body text when I'm done.

On posting night, all I have to do is add the text, change the update date to the day I post, remove it from the unrevealed collection, and presto! People subscribed to any of those series (or to me as an author) get the notifications :) Huge time-saver that lets me keep my regular update schedule.

If you check that publish date, you can see I actually made this draft in April. I just did the tags and cover art for it last night, as I'd like to get this work posted very soon. It takes me a while to get around to each individual project, but at least I always know where to find them and I can do the parts I have energy for when I have free time.

I just made a spreadsheet this week that links all my docs and AO3 works, so I am living large...

Another reason I do this is because I often have limited Internet access, but I do have offline access to my writing docs. I have a lot of back-and-forth time on the road, and sometimes I finish my writing when I'm away from home. It's so nice to prep the AO3 side in advance while I have a stable Internet connection and mouse instead of doing all that on the trackpad.

[cnt'd - Long post]

Back when I started doing this with hidden works, it was mostly because AO3 had a bug where every time you rearranged a series, you had to manually edit every single work that came after it if you wanted the Previous and Next links to work properly.

And I did. Every time I posted. Because that's how I am. I write a series titled 130 Reasons Why I'm Fairy Trash, which used to be arranged chronologically before I went through and changed them to recommended reading order, and there are 130 one-shots in it. I have tasted so much pain...

In other words, the series feature was great for people posting new works that come "next" in the series, but it wasn't working well for people who like to rearrange the order when they post something new. Ex: I have both the Pixels Imperfect and Neighborhood Watch series in chronological order. Using the unrevealed works, I took the time to arrange all the hidden works in advance so that the timeline was properly arranged regardless of what order I submitted fics in. This way, I only had to dedicate a couple days to getting all my current WIPs prepped and arranged, with the hope being that my links would work properly for a long time before I wrote a new work and had to find a place for it. I have never written a series chronologically in my life and I think it would kill my motivation if I forced myself to do that, honestly.

I'm pretty sure this rearrangement bug was there since I joined AO3 in 2018. Guess what they fixed while I was in the middle of adding all my drafts and arranging them all :'D

This is the best bug fix ever; my crops are watered daily and my skin is clean. I live in constant fear this bug will return and I will once again be relegated to spending hours of an evening painstakingly updating every work that comes later in a series... instead of the 2 seconds it takes to place a work now.

Bonus reason why I like the hidden work feature: I have thousands of documents after my 13+ years of posting fanfics and writing original works, many of which are no longer as up-to-date as posted versions that received minor revisions over the years (like spelling fixes).

It's super nice to have a place on AO3 to keep backups where I can easily find them and not mix them up with my outdated files (which I should clean out, but hesitate to do so because it would take me days).

I do have downloaded backups of all my works as well (Bless FicLab). Went through and did a sweep last month! I will not lose over a decade of my life... I bought a flash drive necklace to slap them on, so they will literally have to pry this stuff from my cold, dead hands.

FFN went down for a week earlier this year and I had a few works that were exclusively on FFN, not yet on AO3, so I was very quick to slap those into my WIPs collection as soon as I could, haha... One of those is 30k words. Yep. Not losing that.

I really wish AO3 would let people use Previous and Next to navigate through a hidden work because it's very obnoxious for me and others who want to click through the series and then we slam into a hidden work, but c'est la vie.

I fear the bug's return with my life, and for this, everyone must click extra times to navigate around the wall.

Fun bonus screenshots of what I see on my end even though these works are hidden for you guys:

Pixels Imperfect #2, baby! ... The first wall you hit if you're trying to read the series by clicking "Next," haha... Oh no.

And some Neighborhood Watch:

The story beats are there! I'm just not yet... but it's a much bigger decision to drop a WIP if you're already "halfway there" because you've got the prep work done. Some people may not want to put that "pressure" on themselves, but I don't mind it. I like seeing the works yet to come so they remind me of how excited I am to get there. They just seem so close...

I'm easing into a hiatus from posting fanfics this winter so I can build my 'fic buffers and post a few one-shots I've had sitting around. Fingers crossed that 2025 will have a lot of NW content. I'm very excited for it and I'm glad you're looking forward to it too!

-> I am so glad NW is only the first 5 Life seasons in the same timeline, because if I had to work Wild Life's mechanics into the worldbuilding, that would be a rough one...

My late-2025 is set up to be extremely busy IRL and the next couple years are sure to be as well, so I'm putting my all into prepping buffers right now. This'll be a lifesaver for me down the road.

[lookforanewangle]

I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW ABOUT THE DAEMON AU

HI HELLO I WILL TELL YOU ABOUT THE DAEMON AU

You've unearthed pandora's box; under a read more because this got long lmao

First off, there are theoretically going to be multiple fics, but right now I'm working on the main one which starts with the tsunami! I've finished five chapters/23k words and they are off with some betas for review 👀 I'm not sure how long it's going to be but I'm building towards buddie and will be focusing on Buck coming to terms with himself and his self-worth a la tsunami through Buck Begins! The shooting may or may not be its own thing later lol. That's all I'll share though because I don't want to spoil my plot twists, but I have shared some snippets here

I love exploring the relationships between characters and their daemons and their relations to other characters/daemons when I do daemon aus and this one will be no different! love pushing the boundaries of their connections and also Touch as well, though I lean more towards it being an intimate show of trust, not necessarily in a sexual way. It's aaaaall about the found family connections here baybeeeee 👏

The rules I follow (which I believe are directly from the books; I've only seen the show rip, but I've been reading daemon aus for over a decade):

Do not ask questions about another’s daemon.

Always keep your daemon close; to separate is to suffer.

Touch is only to be allowed by another daemon, not their person.

and Touch rules:

Do not ever Touch without permission

Do not ever allow Touch from someone you do not trust implicitly (2a: Family and significant others are most often allowed to Touch & 2b: Best friends allowing Touch is rare, but not unheard of)

Touch is typically skin to skin/fur/scales. If there are clothing items in between, the touch is not necessarily considered Touch, depending on the situation

And now on to everyone's daemons!! When deciding most of these, I used the daemon quiz results spreadsheet that you can find here!! It was so useful and helped when I couldn't decide between two different animals. I've added the descriptions for each below. Not all of them fit perfectly; some of them I leaned more towards looks or ability to assist during rescues while also trying to tie somewhat to personality, and sometimes only half of the description fits, but I tried to stick as close as I could.

Buck & Bailey - Irish Wolfhound

This one was not on the spreadsheet, but I really wanted a beeeeg dog for Buck and found the reddit thread in the screenshot below; it just fit and I love her to death now 🥺 Top pic is her coloring!

Chris & Minara (Mina) - Unsettled

Mina may be unsettled but she most often chooses a ferret or a perching bird of some kind, typically a cardinal!

ferret: You are a spontaneous and affectionate individual who loves to have fun. More so than others with weasel daemons, those with ferrets are high energy extroverts, gregarious with others but never sacrificing their outspoke assertiveness. They're curious and impulsive people who hate to wait and love to find silver linings in life.

cardinal: You are a brave and faithful individual who is fiercely protective of what they love. More so than others with perching bird daemons, those with cardinals are romantic and proud, and carry their bold energy into all they do. They are determined and confident people.

Eddie & Gabriela (Gabi) - Caracal

The caracal description doesn't quite fit Eddie to a T, but it's close. I was going more for looks for him, and for a cat that's large enough to assist with rescues without being a big cat.

You are an observant and thoughtful individual who is deeply private. More so than others with wild cat daemons, those with caracals are independent and self-preserving, excelling in the specific area of life they've carved out for themselves. They have strong boundaries and prefer to only depend on themselves.

Bobby & Zura - Timber Wolf

You are a loyal and spiritual individual who deeply values their own gut feelings. More so than others with wild dog daemons, those with wolves are committed to their loved ones and develop deep emotional bonds. They have great capacity for inspiration and are protective over what they love and value.

Athena & Achilles - Snowy Owl

yes I had to make a Greek mythology reference. don't laugh at me. I did almost go with Ares, but I decided on Achilles because essentially daemons are a human's achilles heel...if a daemon dies, so does their human 99.9999% of the time, so. It seemed fitting lmao

You are a powerful and assertive individual who values deep thought and clarity. More so than others with owl daemons, those with snowy owls are independent and confident, able to appear competent even when they don't feel it. Rarely does their resilient and strong-willed exterior waver.

Hen & Jorrah - Chicken/Rooster

Still deciding between which of these two breeds; if anyone has suggestions I'm all ears!! And of course I had to give Hen a hen rooster. I may switch her to an actual hen; there are some instances where queer characters have daemons of the same gender and I haven't written any specific lines for either of them into the fic yet, so that could change 🤔

You are a driven yet nurturing individual who expects perfection from themselves and others. More so than others with flightless bird daemons, those with chickens love mentoring others and tend towards being a gossip. They don't always put their money where their mouth is, but they're incredibly social and know how to talk a big game. (Hen, of course, does put her money where her mouth is)

Going to have to make a part two etc to get everyone else's daemons in; I've capped out on photos. 😅

Thanks for asking!! Hopefully I can finish the fic soon so I can start posting 👀

[gyuluttony]

Camera Weight

oooh once again, if i'm not given something, i'm just going to keep pushing out the minwon mutual gain fics because something about them has my brain like hardwired rn sdfjhs i hope y'all don't get sick of me writing them in situations like this. i mainly write scenarios that get my rocks off so a lot of them are similar because i like this stuff SDFJS

As a warning, this is a feederism fic and features weight gain, mutual gaining, weight gain denial and dry humping. Don't like, don't read.

The setting for this one is that Wonwoo is an office worker who didn't end up going to the office post pandemic so works from home and Mingyu is a mukbanger. You can see where I'm going here.

Wonwoo closed the laptop that he had for work, making sure that the fake smile he wore stayed on for a couple of moments even after being aware that the camera was long hidden. When he heard the sound of the device powering down, he let out a sigh of relief.

Every work meeting was so tiring. He could only be so amused in seeing Seungkwan and Soonyoung butt heads and it seemed that Jihoon shared the same sentiment considering he looked just as tired when the meeting finished. When the team leads had such vast creative differences, it was a miracle any work could be done.

The miracle in question being named Jeon Wonwoo. Looking at his wristwatch, Wonwoo hurriedly pushed his laptop to the side as he started his home desktop, a set up that was used for much more important matters than organizing spreadsheets and data.

His phone buzzed and he saw Jihoon's contact name as well as a text: "Have fun on your date 😘" Wonwoo felt his face grow warm as he grimaced. Of course he would have slipped while drunk and accidentally confided one of his darkest secrets in a while to his best friend, but he didn't realize it was a free pass to jab at him whenever.

As his screen switched on, there was a small smile that came across his face as he opened Youtube, eager to see the face that he had grown a little parasocially attached to in the past couple of months. The wide smile of the other man pulled at the corners of his mouth as he watched him.

"Wow, it's like the turn out gets bigger for every live that I have!" He waved eagerly and Wonwoo shyly waved back at the screen, almost as if the other man could see him through it. Wonwoo reached for the bag that was at the side of his desk, pulling out his meal.

He had always been a peculiar case when it came to remembering to eat. In school, he had no problem with it because everyone around him ate around the same time but if there was no one to eat with, he just didn't feel the urge to. It was a rather atrocious habit to have but it didn't affect him all too much.

Until he got to work and working from home with his new position. Now, it wasn't out of the blue for him to work the whole day and spend his lunch playing games until Jihoon called him out for it because he was concerned at how much weight Wonwoo had lost in the past couple of months. He was well aware of his friend's habit when it came to eating so he recommended that tried just watching some mukbang streams on his lunch break so it was like he had company.

It was helpful actually! Slowly, he was remembering to eat and just eating properly in general. That was until he found Kimgyu. A mukbang channel that had grown in popularity around the time Wonwoo started paying attention. Originally, he just wanted to see what all the hype was about until he actually tuned in.

A fit, handsome young man who cooked meals for himself for videos and streamed his mukbangs afterwards. The meals he cooked looked good and honestly, Wonwoo admitted that the one making the meals looked even better so he became something of a dedicated fan.

"Today, I made a lot actually... I don't know if I can finish everything that's in here but we'll see." Wonwoo opened his own matching containers as he prepared to eat.

Did they mess up his order? It looked bigger than usual. As he popped a dumpling into his mouth, he shrugged it off since it tasted as good as it usually did. Kimgyu was rather popular for telling stories and anecdotes and realizing he shared a little too much on livestreams but the ditz factor was something that Wonwoo liked (and would rather die than admit).

Kimgyu slurped the noodles in his pan full of them and chewed while he read some responses, "Oh, you're going to get puffy if you're eating that much." A smile comes across his face, "Ah, you're talking about my face. I am getting a lot puffier in general though, don't you think?"

Wonwoo felt his face grow hot, watching Kimgyu show off his new belly in profile on the camera. It was starting to pooch out and he had barely eaten anything. That wasn't there when he first started watching him and... it was making him feel all sorts of things.

Squirming in his computer chair, Wonwoo felt the warmth spread into his system more as he listened, "I do work out still but honestly, I'm starting to explore dishes a lot more instead and I can only do so much cardio." There was a whining tone in Kimgyu's voice that sent shivers down Wonwoo's spine before he was interrupted. "Oh, but I think everyone's enjoying themselves lately it's fine!"

All the chat became a chorus asking why he came to that conclusion and Wonwoo was now hyperaware of the fat around his face, only making his pout more babylike. "I think everyone is just having better food these days! There's..." It was Kimgyu's turn to blush as the chat teased him and encouraged him to continue and he looked rather shy.

Wonwoo wiped his hands on his hoodie as he typed, 'There's what?'

The hand on Kimgyu's face hid a smile as he admitted, "You guys... need to make sure this stays between us. I'm not saying it in a mean way!" Wonwoo nodded, acting like it was a one-on-one conversation while he ate large bites of his rice bowl.

"There's a guy in my building and when I moved in a year ago, he was like... small. Which, there's nothing wrong with! But, he was around my height and I was worried like even the wind would blow him over. But, when I see him recently, he's gotten more sturdy so now, I think it's not like putting on weight is a bad thing."

The chat began to tease him and Kimgyu looked flustered as he explained hurriedly, "I- I mean he's always looked good but he looks even better n- I think I'm just going to stop talking about it." Stuffing his face with a large mouthful of noodles, Kimgyu stated, "So, don't worry about me getting puffy! I'm eating well."

The stream continued and Wonwoo was left wondering why he was feeling the most turned on he's felt in a while. Was... Kimgyu into guys that put on weight? It was one thing to know that he was into guys but it was another that it was a possible fetish as to why he had been getting bigger recently.

Wonwoo opened some videos after the stream, looking at the videos he found when he located Kimgyu's channel for the first time. His arm muscles were bulging because he admitted to doing cooking videos after his workouts. His pecs were large and firm, always making their presence known in his clothes and his ass was doing the same down lower.

But, in the recent videos, these same clothes showed just how much he had been enjoying those meals. Gone was the small waist that Wonwoo drooled over on a couple of occasions, replaced with something that was burgeoning with fat and pressing into his shirt by the end of his streams. At the end of today's, he could have sworn he saw golden skin spill out of the fabric and his hand slipped under his pants to stroke himself at the thought. He had been eating himself bigger everyday and let his massive internet fanbase know about it.

It was hard not to pay attention after. Seeing the way his gut was starting to rest on counters while he was mixing, making the appendage jiggle. Wonwoo couldn't really say that he was only watching because he needed the company to eat. He was watching because he was getting his rocks off on seeing Kimgyu get fatter with each passing week.

From the shots that lingered on his ass that only got wider and stretching the seams of his pants with each and every video or the belly that was no longer able to be contained in shirts, he was going to sleep to the sound of Kimgyu's voice, giving directions on how to cook kimchi fried rice that does good in a caloric deficit while his body showed itself to be in a heavy surplus.

He was still eating with him during the mukbang streams but Wonwoo found himself eating a lot longer considering Kimgyu's portion sizes were growing each time as well. But, it was hard not to get side tracked as he moaned about how full he was, even slipping his hand under his shirt to rub the bloated belly that Wonwoo had pictured plenty of times before seeing white in his vision.

It was a little upsetting he missed the final livestream celebration for his two million subscriber milestone. He was working overtime on a project and most people could sense the grumpy energy from Wonwoo as he typed away at his computer in the office.

"Yo." Jihoon's easygoing gesture was met with a rather cold side eye that would have swayed anyone away. Unfortunately for Wonwoo, Jihoon was well aware that Wonwoo just looked like that and it wasn't pointed... mostly.

"Remind me to never let Seungkwan and Soonyoung lead a project again." A chuckle comes from his friend, laughing at his misery. "Well, this was one of the company's biggest successes in a while so I have some bad news for you."

Wonwoo's groan must have been music to Jihoon's ears at the way his laughter sounded so triumphant before he said, "Let's go grab dinner. We're free tonight from their hell temporarily."

His original plan was to watch the stream VOD while getting dinner but he missed his friend so he shut down the computer after a couple of moments, making sure everything was in check. "Okay, your treat."

Wonwoo wasn't a heavyweight per say, but he definitely could handle his alcohol. He was prepared to get even with Jihoon constantly teasing him about his parasocial boyfriend and he had to hold his tongue at the way he was watching him put on weight over the past couple of months and the amount of things he's done to those videos.

So, using his wallet to get drunk and eat whatever he wanted was payback enough. Jihoon rolled his eyes as Wonwoo got out of his car with a little difficulty, stumbling from the alcohol he drank and the food that he ate. "Maybe mukbangs were a bad influence because I don't think any person should have that much food in one sitting."

Wonwoo smiled as he stuck his tongue out, "Sucks. You offered to pay." Jihoon smiled as he muttered some curses, "Get upstairs safely!" He drove off after watching Wonwoo enter the building but in the lobby, it was really starting to hit him how much he drank.

He felt himself swaying before something supported him. It was large and sturdy. "Are you okay? You're not walking straight and I saw you almost fall while going to the elevator."

Wonwoo hummed in response, "Mm, I'm fine. Just had a lot to drink so thanks for ca-" The words got caught in his throat when his eyes focused and he saw the face that was staring at him.

"Kimgyu-" The words left his mouth before he could realize and both of them looked rather flustered by the admission so plainly. Wonwoo moved away, albeit somewhat shaky and Kimgyu saw the movement before moving back, his hand placed at Wonwoo's waist, "Sorry, I'm not used to being called that in real life. Just call me Mingyu and... let me help you up."

His fans were right because the puppy dog eyes that were pleading were near lethal to him at this moment in time as Wonwoo conceded, "Thanks." Mingyu's smile was wide as he moved Wonwoo's arm around his broad shoulders and supported him the whole way.

It was a difficult trip considering Wonwoo was going insane feeling the immense presence of the man next to him and the realization that they lived in the same building. He felt Mingyu's belly pressing into his side and saw it sway in his peripheral with each step they took and they ended up in the elevator.

Mingyu awkwardly chuckled, "Y'know, it doesn't hit me that people know me until they say my username but thank you for your support..." He trailed off, almost expectant before Wonwoo nearly facepalmed, "Ah, my name's Wonwoo. Sorry, I was..."

"Starstruck?" Mingyu's smile was charming which was doing no favours considering Wonwoo was oogling the body that was lingering a little close to him.

Wonwoo sighed, a smile on his face, "Trying not to fall." Mingyu looked flustered that his attempt at flirting fell through before Wonwoo added, "And maybe a little." He could practically see a tail wagging from behind the other man before the elevator arrived at his floor.

He was feeling a little better already because the shock helped him sober up but as the door open, Mingyu was ready to head to his floor before Wonwoo asked. "Did... you want to come to my apartment? I'm sure there's something I can share with you."

He stepped out in case the invitation was declined and Mingyu smiled as he followed, "I know all I do on stream is eat but you don't have to offer me food." His stomach gurgled as he flushed, "But, I wouldn't say no."

Wonwoo chuckled warmly as they entered his apartment.

Despite the first time meeting, it was easy to talk to Mingyu. Wonwoo even surprised himself by saying why he started watching his videos in the first place and Wonwoo looked amused as he looked at the other man sitting next to him on the couch.

"Woah, are you crying? It's not that sad though?"

"Hyung, stop teasing me! It just makes me happy that I could help..." A sniffle broke the silence before Wonwoo laughed warmly, patting Mingyu on the shoulder.

"It's fine! I've gotten to eat regularly... just like you have been." A gentle pat on Mingyu's stomach that pressed into his lap. It was more sinful in person as he looked at the result of months of indulgence on the other man. His muscle was still there but there was a majority of fat that rested on his body.

Mingyu looked at him with a different expression as he leaned in closer and Wonwoo was ready to receive that body pressing against his. Although he froze when he felt a hand on his stomach and squeezed it, now aware of the excess fat that was on his own body.

Mingyu stopped, almost concerned at the reaction while Wonwoo rebooted, "Is it alright?"

Wonwoo moved his hand to Mingyu's, now aware of the spread of his gut as he stated quietly, "I... didn't realize I had gotten so big."

Mingyu seemed to be taken aback by the statement before the same look in his eyes popped up as he asked, "Where's your bathroom?" Wonwoo pointed to the closed door as he was flustered from standing so quickly as Mingyu took him.

Taking him to the mirror, Wonwoo stood in front while Mingyu stood behind him, feeling his gut pressing against the curve of his back as he took in the sight.

Everything was making more sense now. Why he was eating longer during Mingyu's streams. Why he took longer in the shower while cleaning himself. Why the bottom of his stomach felt cold when brushing his teeth. Why the floors creaked if he walked quickly to get his take out that he ordered. Why he got out of breath when taking the stairs for his one day a week at work.

He had gotten fat. Mingyu's hands cupped his belly and he gasped, "Remember when I said I was looking at the guy who got bigger? I was talking about you, hyung." Lifting his belly, the sound of the clothed protruding body part echoed in the bathroom as Wonwoo whimpered.

"It was one thing that you didn't even know you were getting bigger but this? You even burst a button and didn't even know." Mingyu's hand slipped into the gap of his button down that he didn't notice until now. Did Jihoon notice when this happened? Is that why he looked at him funnily after he ordered more food? Was the proof of his gluttony somewhere in the restaurant they went to?

Mingyu's hands played with Wonwoo's fat body as he whimpered from the touch. "Hyung, I did this by choice." He brought Wonwoo's hands to his own belly as he groaned, feeling Mingyu press him against the counter with their combined weight.

"But you? You did this without even realizing. Look how massive you are everywhere." Mingyu's hands roamed around Wonwoo's body, making him more aware of the fat that bulged all over him. His moobs that rested on his gut. They were properly rivaling Mingyu's and he moaned when the other man squeezed them.

"You won't ever fit into this again." Mingyu pulled the button down apart, ripping the buttons off as they were freed from the strain of Wonwoo's fat body as he braced himself on the counter, so horny it was hard to stand up. His plump ass ground into Mingyu's crotch, eliciting a sigh of pleasure from him before he felt Mingyu's hands on his waist, sinking into the fat as his belly pressed onto Wonwoo's back, gurgling from the snacks that he had filled up on.

Wonwoo looked in the mirror and saw how much they had both blown up in the past couple of months as the apex of his belly felt cool from the counter it was squishing against, spilling nearly all over the sink area as Mingyu grinded his crotch into Wonwoo's wide ass.

It was hard to last long when realizing just how much he had blown up and all the praise Mingyu was feeding him. He was already stuffed full of food and memories of how much he had done it before, rubbing his gut not even aware of how much his computer chair creaked after each meal because it was starting to strain to hold Wonwoo's obese body. He felt Mingyu convulse as the cloth now sounded wet and Wonwoo felt himself release at the realization that Mingyu was so turned on by how fat he was and how he felt their combined weight with his awareness and the way Mingyu jiggled as he rode out his high.

Catching their breaths, Mingyu clutched Wonwoo's stomach as it got a shuddering sigh from the other man.

"So, should I expect a guest for my next mukbang?"

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Vol 14

Howdy folks <3

Just a few recs this week and several I read a while ago. I read a shit ton this week, but it was all WIPs I've already recommended, so you're only getting a few new ones. I found some really interesting fics this week, though, and I'm very excited to share them with y'all!!

As always The Spreadsheet can be found here and all my other fic recs can be found here. Feel free to tag me in your fics!!

Recs below the Pedro <3

Says It Feels Like Heaven To Him - a Joel one shot by @proxima-writes

Just a really fucking good PWP. Joel comes home from poker night and he's horny and it's really fucking hot.

That Should Be Me - a Din one shot by @beskarandblasters

Reader is an idiot who hasn't told Din her feelings and gets jelly over Bo Katan and Din is an idiot who also hasn't told reader his feelings and then they bang. Oh and the razor crest is there bc AS IT FUCKING SHOULD BE. Miss her sm. Love an idiots to lovers story <333

Honeyed - a Joel series by @softlyspector

he touch averse reader concept is so so cool, I really like it. I love this cozy little slow burn so much. Watching her build trust with him and the way you hold true to the one step forward two steps back thing you introduce early on ahhhh. I like that she can handle his touch but it still makes her uneasy because it wouldn't feel as significant if he was just the special chosen one she can touch with absolutely no qualms about it. Anyway I hope there's more coming after part 2. I adore this <3

Be good - a Joel one shot by @hier--soir

motherfuckin submissive joel but like you can tell he's not the most submissive person on the planet he just really wants to make you happy and it also obviously gets him off. This is so fucking hot. I love every word of this UGH

The old college try - a Joel one shot by @proxima-writes

OH MY GOD. Slutty frat dad joel!!!! His slutty lil basketball shorts. The beer pong! The keg stand! THE SMUT!!!! This was so fucking hot. I... have no words. Gimme gimme.

With Cherries on Top - a Max Phillips series by @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa

Ok so I adore The Proposal. Great Rom Com. I'm such a slut for fake dating. (Someone should go back and see all things I've said I'm a slut for. It's a lot) Anyway... I really fucking like this. The way the vampire lore is adjusted to fit the story and woven in is excellent. I fucking love the bickering. I'm a banter ass bitch. Max is so good in this. Perfect amount of total douchebag with a heart of gold. Also I want him to bite me...

Decoherence - a Jack (Whiskey) series by @prolix-yuy

I hadn't seen Westworld when I read the first fic in this universe and I still haven't and I still don't care... This is such an insanely good fic. The world building and characterization is just absolutely mindblowing. I adored getting to see reader adjust to life post-Cognitive Dissonance. I'm hoping we get a pretty good insight into what Jack has been doing for the last year. I fucking love that they reunite exactly one year after their previous meeting ugh. I'm so fucking excited for this series, LJ, you fucking genius <3

Sunshine - a Din series by @zialltops (AO3)

This is such a sweet soft tooth rotting ass din fic. It's adorable and I love it <3

----------- oldies but goodies ----------

Soaked - a Javi P one shot by @joelscruff

say it again - a Dieter one shot by @ezrasbirdie

Dieter Bravo x Roommates AU - a Dieter one shot by @fuckyeahdindjarin

The Plan (and all its iterations) - a Dieter one shot by @prolix-yuy

No One Else - a Din one shot by @beskarandblasters

I'm Coming Back for You, Baby - a Dieter one shot by @jazzelsaur (AO3)

In a perfect world, you love me - a Din Series by @theidiotwhowritesthings

Carry out - a Javi P one shot by @soullumii

The Saint, the sinner, and the devil - a Joel/Javi P Series by @joelsgirl

Pretty When You Cry - a Joel one shot by @violentdelightsandviolentends

Wrap Party - a Dieter one shot by @write-and-buried

You Make Loving Fun - a Frankie Series by @redahlia-writes

---------------------

P.S. If you like Andor... @beskarandblasters has been writing excellent Cassian fics recently!!

And to my mutuals who have written new stuff this week that I didn't read I am so sorry... I'll get there eventually!!

---------------------

Happy Reading!

[buthowboutno]

buthowboutno's Unsolicited Writing Advice

Howdy fam!!

This is a post that i’ve been wanting to make for a while so!!! Finally fucking sat down and did it lmao

Considering we’re past the halfway point of ATWLP and over 125k words written for the universe, I thought I would share some writing advice and tidbits I’ve picked up along the way!! (especially for you baby writers out there) (we’re ignoring the fact that I only broke my five year writing hiatus like seven months ago)

ANYWAYS, ramble under the cut <3

--

Don’t force yourself to write linearly

If you’re dragging your feet along writing sections just to get to a certain scene in your head and losing motivation, just… write the scene you wanna write. This might be specific adhd oriented advice, but you gotta use your juices when you have them. 

I’ve recently posted a chapter that I wrote all the way back in November. Did I have to edit some parts in light of changes I made to the outline and the way my blorbos have developed? Yes, but that’s way easier than starting it from scratch and losing all of my ideas when the scene was first bouncing around my head.

Outline outline outline… but don’t be a slave to it

Sometimes all I can manage the energy for is a long series of bullet points outlining a chapter, but it makes it SO much easier to sit down and type everything out properly later.

I also find that having a main outline for my entire story helps me from falling into plotlines that I don't know how to get out of or losing motivation for a fic because I haven't figured out the end goal for my characters. It's easy to sit down and work on a chapter because, for the most part, I already know how it's going to end up.

Having said that, sometimes your characters are stinkasses and decide to completely break away from what you had planned, and that’s okay! Understanding how you can and cannot shove your blorbos around for the sake of plot is a part of learning how to be a better writer.

Don’t delete your writing!

Chances are if you hate a section, it’ll read a million times better after you set it down for a few hours. Us writers can be so incredibly critical of ourselves, but resist the urge to select all and backspace!!! If anything, leaving a section you hate allows you to come back and edit it into something way better instead of starting from scratch again.

If you have to delete a section that just doesn’t fit in the story anymore, still save it!! I have a bits and pieces doc that houses all my deleted scenes that have been revived in later chapters. You never know how deleted scenes might help you pad out future parts of your story.

If you’re a literature snob (like me) and want to just flat out improve your craft… you gotta do your homework

You will always become a better writer the more you write and for those just looking to get out some emotions or have fun, that is perfectly fine! Ignore me! You’re already doing fantastic, look at you go!

But if you’re the type of person to read a fic and be like… “wow, that was better quality than most published books. how do i get to that level??” this is for you

When you’re reading, regardless of what it is, make a mental (or physical!) note of the things you like and dislike.

 Ex: How does the author portray a certain emotion? How do they lay out the scene? What different aspects of characterization stick out to you? What’s the word choice like?

Never gonna bash on anyone who just wants to read for enjoyment, but when you start to exercise that muscle I /promise/ you that your writing will improve that much faster. (It really is annoying how the fucking rhetorical analysis skills they teach you in highschool help, but they do.)

Ages ago I went to this conference for young writers and in one of the seminars I went to, this pair of authors talked about this spreadsheet they set up to better lay out the aspects of writing they really loved or wanted to avoid in their genre. I think this is vv important when you’re planning out longer pieces of writing; you don’t want to get stuck in a trope you hate!

Watch critiques of books!

Booktube is super fucking great for this. I’m personally a video essay bitch, so I’ll sit and watch a three hour long video of someone dissecting a novel and giving a review. That shit will help you with everything from learning how to construct longer and cohesive plots to avoiding certain pitfalls that may turn an audience away from your work. 

Rachel Oates is one of my forever faves and Alizee is a youtuber that I’ve just recently stumbled upon but love all the same.

 I WILL SING THE PRAISES OF OVERLYSARCASTICPRODUCTIONS ALL DAY EVERY DAY.

They have really excellent videos that go into the different tropes and all the ways they can present in stories, whether it be good or bad. This helps you get familiar with the building blocks of a narrative and decide things like wanting to subvert a trope, build upon the popular ones, or even reject them all together. Fic is basically built on fandom-wide tropes, so I think it’s good to be familiar with them.

Just like artists, we gotta do our studies, too

Back when I was a infant writer (i.e. in eighth grade) me and my friends would find different writing prompts on pinterest and spend a few hours working on them before sharing what we wrote. Even if it's not for a larger work, it is /really/ good practice to describe scenery in a picture or come up with a character on the fly and explore how they interact in a situation.

It’s is the literary equivalent of drawing a hand instead of putting it in a pocket so you didn’t have to deal with it

Write messy! Write fast! Write garbage that you’re going to delete in five minutes! You’ll be surprised about the gems that come out of doing this. Literally some of my favourite lines have come out of a frenzied 10 minute keyboard mashing session.

Don’t be afraid of critique but know the difference between that and simply being hard on yourself.

 I think this is probably the biggest thing I’ve struggled with as I’ve gotten back into writing. Before I started posting, I had about five chapters saved up ‘cause I was agonising over making everything perfect. Do I see, six months later, things I know I could have done better? Yes, but! I wouldn’t have been able to grow or develop as an author if I didn’t take that first step of posting and moving on to other parts of the story.

There is a time and place for critiquing and editing your own work and seeing where you can improve, but you also gotta meet yourself where you’re at. We’re not going to be Shakespeare overnight. Getting better is a process, baby! Embrace the fact that if you’re embarrassed about your work years or even months down the line, that means you’re growing as a writer.

And remember stinkies, any creation is good creation. Don’t go comparing hits or kudos or likes and being down on yourself, the act of creation is an important part of the human experience!!! Even if the only thing you ever put out is a 100 word drabble about lightning mcqueen making love to bowser, i’ll be proud of you. 

Happy writing and get yourself some water <3<3

[at-thestillpoint]

weird questions for writers: 22, 32, 38

[ask me weird questions for writers!]

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

I use Google Drive to write and organize myself. I have a nested folder system broken down by ship, then story universe, then individual fic (if needed). Each fic doc is titled with the pairing, a number, and the title of the fic. The number is honestly for aesthetic purposes—it corresponds to the order in which I had the idea, though 000 is always the headcanons, blotter, and darlings catchall for that ship or fic. I write each fic in a single doc, and use headings so I can quickly jump from chapter to chapter. When I’m in editing or finalization mode, I’ll even use subheadings to tag the areas I’m still not happy with so I can easily navigate from place to place via the Google Doc outline sidebar. I also have a spreadsheet to track all my WIPs, ideas, and completed fics.

So, yeah…I’m quite an organization freak for my writing, but I have to be because I write out of order, and things would otherwise get lost.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

I’ll give you lines from a poem and a novel, because I couldn’t pick!

“There are years that ask questions, and years that answer them.” (Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God)

I read Their Eyes Were Watching God in high school, but didn’t realize how much this line had stuck with me until I’d graduated college, and faced some tough, uncertain years in my early 20s. I used it then as a reminder that answers would come—things would get more clear, or better, or whatever it was I was looking for. I still come back to it as a reminder that the moments I’ve felt most aimless, most lost, most overwhelmed, those are the moments I look back on with the benefit of time and now realize the impact they had on my life.

“Life is short and the world / is at least half terrible [...] / though I keep this from my children. I am trying / to sell them the world” and “You could make this place beautiful.” (Maggie Smith, Good Bones)

I get goosebumps just thinking about it, in particular, I got actual chills when I read this the first time. There is something devastating and poignant in how this poem summarizes the despair and the hope I feel about the world every day. 

Honorable mentions go to the entire timshel passage from East of Eden and “and time yet for a hundred indecisions” from The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

I feel like my entire writing process is Really Weird, but the weirdest thing I think I do is act out dialogue in the shower. I struggle with the beat of a conversation when I’m just typing, and find characters’ spoken voices come more naturally when I say them out loud, so I will have the conversations with myself, as the characters, over and over again, and just hope that I don’t forget the words while I blowdry my hair.

[chiropteracupola]

fic writer meme

tagged by @sanguinarysanguinity — thank you, this was an interesting one to ponder!

ao3 name: chiroptera_in_the_cupola

fandoms: as writing and interest generally goes, I think the major players currently are and have been Treasure Island, Hornblower, Flight of the Heron, and [one look at the work-in-progress spreadsheet later] uh, I guess Sharpe as well at the moment :]

I do like to pick up other things for a small thing or two, and plan to continue doing so, but I think those first three are the ones that have really captured my interest in a way that supports sustained writing, altho' we'll see how things shake out as time goes on.

number of works: 56, which is really quite a few for only a bit more than two years of actually posting work on ao3!

work I spent the most time on: 'well met, my dear one' went through revisions and periods of abandonment for nearly two years. it was one of the very first Treasure Island fics that I began, but needed to be entirely begun over again from scratch at one point, and so took rather a while even though it's not all that long.

works I spent the least time on: 'make my bed where the bodies lie', 'the king shall dress in gold', and 'the way was carved in ice' were all written in about four or five hours each. it's always lucky when inspiration strikes like that and can carry me all the way through a story in one go, but less lucky for any other things I might have planned on doing that day!

longest fic: 'Nane Shall Ken Where He Is Gane', or, as I've more frequently called it, the Wormsfic — and that's only a third of it so far! oh boy!

shortest fic: 'who's to blame', the very shortest of a series of a few very tiny little micro-fics done as part of a prompt game some years ago.

most hits: 'as in a mirror dimly', my one fic for The Mummy — hm, I think I'd say that that one is mostly on account of the movie itself being a much more well-known thing than many of the other areas I more frequently write in, altho' the central relationship is. shall I simply say unpopular.

most kudos: oddly enough, 'here in your arms is cured', my first Kidnapped fic — hopefully I will someday finish more, that they may be similarly well received!

total word count: 90,380

favorite work of my own: this is one question I can't really answer — a lot of stories are my favorites for very different reasons! but I'll take this space to mention 'Shaking Off Our Shadows', which, since it's for rather an obscure book, I've not discussed much, but I am nonetheless very proud of, among my recent work. Reading The Wolf and the Watchman left me feeling very cold and grimy and sad, and I'm very pleased with the results of attempting to spin a happier ending (and a not-entirely-joking beach vacation) for Cardell and Winge.

fic you want to rewrite / expand on: I've actually already done a rewrite of one that I felt particularly needed a second take with time (that being 'sleep in it slowly (if you can)' / 'Midwinter Thaw', my pair of winter-at-Graçay Hornblower fics) and am in the process of working on another — both of the fics getting done over in this way were written fairly quickly and mostly while I was sick, which left them with some oddnesses that I'm enjoying getting to smooth out in the later versions. and both of these also do happen to be things that I'd like more fic about in general, so I might as well write myself what I'd like to read. some of my earlier Treasure Island fic also could probably do with a revision, since I've grown a lot as a writer (and also as a Person!) in these few years, but that'd take time I don't really feel inclined to use for that right now.

when it comes to expansion and sequels and such, I'd really love to write more in the same continuity as my most recent Sharpe fic (giving the Chosen Men the Monstrous Regiment treatment certainly deserves more time than I've given it thus far!) and I've got a great many more Flintlock Fortress tales in the works as well.

share a bit of a wip or story idea you are planning on:

“Whatever it is is clever — my snares are sprung, but there’s nothing there.” “That’s a man done it then.” “No, there’s only paw-prints, no boot-marks at all. And big ones, too.” He spread his hand to indicate the size, fingers splayed nearly to their full extension. “There’s nothing got paws as big as that, Dan,” said Cooper, with a little less conviction than he’d aimed for.

here's another chunk of my Ladyhawke AU for Sharpe, which has been taking up quite a bit of space in the old braincase these past few days. hopefully I shall manage to make it to the actual meat of the plot soon, altho' I'm also enjoying the sort of shenaniganerous Lads' Miserable Camping Trip of it all thus far!

and hm, I see a lot of the usual suspects have been tagged already — @dxppercxdxver, @kigiom, @bishakespeares, @baronetcoins, @phoenixflames12, would you like to give this game a go?

[folliesandfolderols]

Writing prompts days 35, 36

From this prompt list. If you've read this far, I'm not sure you need any explanation, but the short version is I hadn't written any fiction since 2019, I set a goal to write at least 150 words/day in 2024, and this list was my way to restart. Also I abruptly decided on day 2 I would write an entire Tim/Damian story connecting all the prompts, because I am Good at Judging My Limits. /sarcasm Anyway, I finished the rough draft a while ago and am now unlocking the old entries as I edit.

Read from the beginning here, or on ao3 here

Days 32-34 here

***

44. "You're really messing with my head here."

***

A week later, Tim remembered to check the scheduling program and tweak the frequency of assignments for Damian. When he reviewed the results a week after that, he was half-surprised, half-resigned to see that Damian had manually revised his availability to be more frequent than ever. Oh, well. His work wasn’t noticeably suffering on either the civilian or vigilante front, so Tim supposed he didn’t have a right to talk to him about it.

He did switch things up a little, just to stretch out of his usual patrol territory and keep from getting bored. Damian somehow always being on the opposite end of the city wasn’t an intentional side effect, but given the givens of their hook-ups, it probably wasn’t a bad thing either.

A month after the last time they slept together, Tim’s phone buzzed at 2 AM with a message from Damian. Are you at home? I want to discuss some new information on the case with you.

Tim, busy putting together a spreadsheet comparing weapons distribution epicenters in various cities with local businesses that had suspiciously healthy bottom lines, frowned at the text. just send it over i’m busy working on another lead rn

No answer for five minutes, so he followed up with and we can text about it then if its urgent

Another five minutes, and he had nearly forgotten they’d begun the conversation, but then his phone vibrated again. Very well. I will share the file with you as soon as I’m sure it has all the relevant information.

Tim replied, thx, and got back to work. 

They were able to turn the entire case over to the CBI within a few days after that, which was pretty satisfying.

A few weeks later, a sudden buzz of conversation that started at the elevators on the R&D floor of WE and slowly spread to Tim’s desk had him surreptitiously raising his head above the divider to behold Damian navigating the bullpen. Tim’s heart jumped into his throat at the sight of him gliding through the cubicles. Even fluorescent lights couldn’t make Damian less handsome. He looked like a panther released into a lab rat’s maze. 

Damian drew to a halt at his cubicle and said, “Drake. A moment?”

“I thought they were brothers,” Tim heard someone whisper. The person they were talking to shushed them.

“Sure,” he replied, and followed Damian to one of the rarely-used conference rooms.

Damian shut the door behind them and then frowned as he truly looked at Tim’s face for the first time. “The circles under your eyes are darker than usual.”

Tim rolled his eyes. “Thanks, Damian, it’s nice to see you too. The mission with Kon went great, and I just got back a couple nights ago. Appreciate you checking in.” He was tired, though, so he leaned on the table before asking, “Did you come all the way from Finance just to give me the bad news about my appearance?”

“No.” Damian shook his head. “Father and Todd had an argument last night after Father interfered with one of Todd’s interrogations. They both had already taken gunfire due to Father’s intervention. Accusations were exchanged, and now Father is, not to put too fine a point on it, sulking.”

Tim sighed and rubbed his temples, fighting off a sudden headache. Bruce and Jason acting like gigantic children together was hardly a reason to interrupt his work. “So what else is new?”

“Father had already planned a trip to a planet that will require four weeks of space travel to reach before their altercation. He’s not at his best after last night, either mentally or physically. I don’t believe Todd truly expected to affect him, but Father is self-flagellating nonetheless, not to mention the bullet wound.”

“Goddammit.” Tim rubbed his temples harder like the pressure would dam up the pain. As far as he could tell, in Jason’s brain, Bruce was Zeus and Satan and Orion all in one body—the notion of him being vulnerable didn’t seem to register. “Fucking great. Okay, what’s the plan? What do you want me to do?”

“Go talk to Father. Persuade him to put off the trip. If he believes you don’t know about his argument with Todd, he might be more susceptible to the suggestion.”

Tim slid off the table to his feet. “Is he in today?”

“No, he’s at the Manor. He’s planning to leave tonight, so speed is essential.”

“Got it.” Tim made to walk past Damian to the door, but Damian reached for his elbow in a light grip, pulling him closer.

“Drake. Are you truly well?” His eyes searched Tim’s face as if he were investigating a crime scene.

The Oud-Al-Janaid Damian always wore surrounded them both in a subtle cloud of fragrance. Tim swallowed, fighting down the Pavlovian urge to press his face to Damian’s neck, chasing the scent to its source. His dick started to take notice of the provocation.

“Yeah, no, I’m fine,” he remembered to say. “Just tired, is all. Nothing new about that.” He waited, but Damian didn’t move. “You need anything else?”

Damian didn’t start, but the way he dropped Tim’s elbow had the same air. “No. You should leave without delay.” He stalked from the room, not waiting for a reply.

Tim went straight from the conference room to the parking garage and headed for the Manor. He found Bruce in his room, grimly putting together his travel supplies while moving with more deliberation than usual. Bruising extended from beneath his sleeve across the back of his right hand, and finger-shaped welts blazed across the front of his neck. He looked up when Tim stood in the doorway. 

“Tim.” He set some socks on top of the pile of underwear. “I haven’t seen you since you got back.”

“Yeah, I’ve been busy.” Tim leaned against the door jamb. “Damian mentioned you’re going off-planet for a while?”

“Hn.” Bruce turned away and kept moving clothes into his suitcase. 

“Do you have to go?” Tim took care to keep his tone light. “Seems like there’s a lot going on here on this planet, and in our city, that could use you.”

Bruce sighed. “It’s a solo mission, or at least it's solo travel until I meet some of the Lanterns out there. Not many of the Justice League are suited to three months in space with the majority of it spent alone. They’re . . . social.”

“Hmm.” Tim straightened up to walk closer. “Hey, why are you moving like that? Did you get injured?”

“Yes.” Bruce still didn’t pause, or at least he didn’t till Tim stood between him and the bed where his suitcase lay open. “Tim.”

“Bruce,” Tim mimicked him. “Someone else can be lonely for three months. Someone who isn’t moving like he can’t find his Bengay.”

“Sitting still in a ship—" Bruce began.

“Isn’t recovery,” Tim finished. “Injuries can be exacerbated by weird space shit, you know that as well as I do because you taught me that. Why are you so essential to this trip?”

Bruce stared at him, silent, for a long moment, the muscle in his jaw working. Finally, he sighed. “It’s about Colu.”

“Wasn’t it blown up?” Tim asked.

“Essentially, yes. But there are refugees, as well, and there are associated problems the Justice League let go unaddressed that need to be resolved in a neighboring star system’s single liveable planet.” 

Tim stared at him, then shook his head in what he wished was disbelief. “This is about you still feeling guilty about breaking the Source Wall, isn't it.” Bruce, predictably, made no answer. “Fine. What’s the name of the planet?”

Bruce picked up his tablet from the nightstand, tapped it a few times, and handed it to Tim. “You can’t pronounce it without a bisected tongue. See for yourself.”

Tim scanned through the information rapidly, then looked up. “I can handle this.”

Bruce frowned. “I can’t ask that of you.”

“You’re not asking, I’m volunteering.” Tim set the tablet down on the nightstand again. “Getting off-planet for a while isn’t the worst thing I could do, as long as you don’t think it’ll leave the patrol rotation too skimpy.”

“That won’t be an issue, no.” Bruce seemed to be struggling with words he didn’t want to speak, but in the end he won. “I know you’re capable of carrying out the mission. You’ll have to leave tonight to make it there in time.”

“No problem. I’ll go home and pack and be back in an hour.” Tim headed for the stairs without waiting for Bruce’s reply, pulling out his phone as he went. Opening his thread with Damian, he texted, mission accomplished hes not going

Damian liked the message just before Tim climbed back into his car. True to his word, Tim was back and ready to fly to the Watchtower to catch his ride within an hour.

His phone vibrated again while he was doing the mission precheck of the cockpit. Damian’s name popped up on the screen. Tim opened the message to read, Todd refuses to come to the Manor, naturally, so we must meet at your apartment to discuss our next steps.

Tim’s mouth twisted as a pang of guilt bounced around his ribcage. He was running out in the middle of the drama and leaving Damian to deal with it, which was shitty of him, but in this case he had to choose saving Bruce from himself rather than helping Damian. 

sorry i wont be back for a while gotta take care of some aliens

He launched from the docking bay, and away from cell signals, before Damian’s reply could come through. Assuming there would’ve been one.

After he passed Uranus, he uploaded the Arabic course he'd bought to pass the time and got started. Improving his fluency wouldn't be a bad idea.

The trip took a little longer than expected, and was far more tedious than Bruce had led him to expect. Tim nearly cried in relief when he was finally able to type Earth’s coordinates into the navigation system. 

His dreams on the way home were populated by everyday moments with the rest of the family, half-remembered interactions set to a nonsensical narrative. Sparring with Steph, meeting Cass and Duke for ice cream, crashing with Bruce through a skylight into some goons’ heads.

Kissing the back of Damian’s hand while Damian fucked him, his weight pressing Tim into the mattress. Ant euyuni, whispered hot against his skin, tender with affection, but this time he knew what the words meant.

Tim woke up with Damian’s murmured “Drake” still in his ears and his hand already on his cock. He stroked his way to a confused orgasm moments later and stared at the ceiling, dumbfounded, until the proximity alarm forced him to clean up the cooling mess on his belly and get up.

Dick had texted him regularly during his absence, a fact he discovered as soon as he got in range of Earth satellites and started receiving messages on his cell again. Most of them were better be ready to get whipped back into shape with me after all that space muscle atrophy type of things, or the mid-air selfies he knew made Tim laugh. One, however, was a picture of Damian giving the camera a direct look while seated behind a cake blazing with what Tim assumed was twenty-one candles. The message with it just said birthday boy—don't forget to wish him a happy belated when you get back, which was Dick being Extra Big Brother since he knew Tim tended to forget basic social niceties like that.

Tim rubbed the ache in his chest absentmindedly with the heel of his hand as he scrolled down farther. He needed to check the oxygen monitors and then his heart rate, make sure there wasn't anything seriously wrong, but the pain was probably just due to the lack of aerobic exercise since he'd been on the ship.

Kon's text tone was sounding regularly as the phone loaded more of the messages he'd missed. Reaching the bottom of Dick's thread, Tim tapped onto Kon's instead. The first message he saw was a picture of Jon, arms wrapped around Damian from behind as they both hovered mid-air in costume. Jon was planting a kiss on Damian's cheek while a tiny smile that Tim knew was involuntary curved Damian's mouth up. Kon had screencapped Buzzfeed's coverage of the picture, as witness the bolded headline below: "Why This Pic of Superman and the Artist Formerly Known as Robin Broke the Internet Today." 

Kon had sent the screencap accompanied by a gif of Damian in his baby Robin days that had been a meme for five minutes, swinging his katana and screaming in silent rage while the caption read "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK."

Looked like Damian had left the Robin mantle behind once and for all. And that Jon and Jay might have called it quits. Or maybe their relationship was open.

Tim frowned. The chest pain was getting worse and now his throat felt like it was closing up. Some sort of anaphylactic reaction, maybe? Hopefully not. He moved to the tiny medical bay and ran a quick diagnostic, but nothing of concern popped up. Well, he was almost ready to dock with the Watchtower, so he could get checked out there. He texted back, jon has literally wanted to kiss damian since b4 he even knew he was bi, why are u showing me this????

Steph had texted him a lot, too, mostly selfies with various Gotham clusterfucks in the background while she threw up ironic peace signs in costume, and a few of her and Cass looking like they were literally trying to meld into one person. He hearted a bunch of the pictures just to let her know he was back.

Bruce had sent a couple of messages, the last one reading Let me know as soon as you're back on-planet. Your absence is felt on patrol, which was as close as he'd get to admitting he missed having Tim around.

There was one message from Jason. Hey. Lmk when you're back. I've got an update on some loose ends from the weapons trafficking case.

A beep from the cockpit told him the Watchtower's automated systems were trying to make friends with Tim's ship controls. He got them re-acquainted and then headed to the single berth to get his bag as the autopilot docked him.

Once he'd returned to the surface, Earth's gravity grabbed his bones and held them like an internal vise. He swayed a little on his feet as he walked to his car from the base, wishing he'd thought to bring a wheeled suitcase instead of his gear bags. He sat behind the wheel and turned on the engine, but took a second to text Jason back before he put the car into gear. He'd thought they'd wrapped up the weapons trafficking group with a neat and pretty bow for the CBI. Hearing they'd left some loose ends dangling chafed his pride.

Kon called him by the time he'd hit the highway. "Dude, welcome back! I missed your skinny ass."

Tim grinned. Normally he avoided voice calls like a death sentence, but for Kon it was worth making the exception. "How're things?"

"Pretty good. I'm hanging out with M'gann in a few but I wanted to say hi. You've been gone forever. I hope you worked out whatever was eating you so you can stick around for a while."

Tim shrugged even though of course Kon couldn't see it. "Nothing was eating me. I just like to keep busy now that I'm not working at WE as anything but a contractor anymore."

"Bullshit. Something happened. I know the regular Tim Drake flavors of overwork and this one was Overwork Plus, Bonus Angst Edition. But hey, I know sharing what you're thinking and feeling is really high up there on the Things You Like to Do list, right below root canals, so I'll drop it before you turn back around and head for Mars."

Tim's stomach clenched with pain. "Yeah, yeah, you know I really wanna bare my soul when I've been back on the planet five whole minutes, but right now I'm starving so I'm looking for the nearest Big Belly drive thru. Will you be at the tower anytime soon?"

They set up a time to meet up the following weekend, and then Tim hung up so he could order. Once he got the food, though, he picked at the fries in a desultory fashion, the cramping in his stomach not doing much to spur his appetite for some reason.

A text notification from Jason popped up on the car's screen. Tim tapped the bubble, keeping one eye on the road. The uninflected AI voice announced, "In the group with you and Damian, Jason wrote: We've got a problem. The remnants of the weapons-running org revamped itself and merged with another, smaller operation. They've got new contraband now and it's human. Would you like to reply?"

Tim's veins abruptly felt as though they'd been injected with ice water, and he couldn't decide if it was because of the message itself or because Damian was included on the thread. "No," he breathed.

"Okay," the AI responded.

It was just that it would be awkward. To have their first real interaction after Tim being gone for so long happen over text. He'd done a good job of avoiding thinking about it during his trip and now Jason had . . . texted them both. Like it was nothing.

Because it was nothing. As far as Jason knew, they were fine.

Actually, he was right, Tim reminded himself. He and Damian were fine. It wasn't like they'd had some sort of argument. They’d made their limits clear before they'd ever started and Damian had respected Tim’s so thoroughly that he’d barely had a real conversation with him since he'd thanked Tim for an educational experience.

Tim suddenly found himself wondering exactly in what areas he'd educated Damian besides the obvious.

While he'd been trying to talk himself down from the metaphorical rafters, Damian had responded in the thread. Tim tapped the screen again. "In the group with Jason, Damian wrote: This can't be allowed to continue. I've noticed an uptick in the human trafficking at the harbor. We can collaborate upon my return to Gotham tonight. Would you like to reply?"

Tim set his jaw. "Sure."

"What would you like to say?"

"I'm on my way to the Nest right now. Do you guys want to meet there later?"

"Your message reads—" Tim hit the Send button before the playback could continue. "Sent."

Within seconds, Jason texted back, "Sounds good."

Damian's reply took a little longer, but when it came through, it read, "Acceptable."

It was only when he heard the words that Tim realized he'd expected Damian to refuse. He reached to tap the cancel button onscreen. The AI responded but he wasn't paying attention. "You're really messing with my head here," he muttered, which was probably unfair.

"Your message reads: You're really messing with my head here. Send it now?"

He'd hit "reply" instead of "cancel." "No."

day thirty-seven here

[dawnlitbouquet]

Got a lot of asks in my inbox asking to help share their fundraising requests, so I'll share them all here. Sorry to the ones in this list for letting my inbox get so full, though ;-;

If anyone reading this is able to do so, the people below would appreciate if you donate or at least help them spread the word; it's okay if you're not in a position to do so, though! The links lead directly to their fundraising posts + proof of legitimacy if available.

(I am only sharing posts that I have been sent asks about in my inbox; I am not familiar with them, otherwise, and have not spoken with them personally in any way. Do ask them directly if you have any questions!)

Vetted fundraisers are confirmed to be legitimate through through sources people trust. The trusted sources in question are going through stressful situations of their own and can't always devote attention to vetting, but it's a bit of added reassurance. Some of the vetting sources you have to search through the tags for (people keep saying 'vetted' and then not linking the source, which makes it difficult to find sometimes), but there's also some spreadsheets listing vetted fundraisers as references if you want to take a look:

el-shab-hussein and nabulsi's list (Tumblr) | Bees and Watermelon (Instagram) | GazaVetters (Tumblr)

@/osama-family's fundraiser has been vetted by GazaVetters, and is number 12 on their list.

@/ahmadhells-blog, or @/ahmeadhilles was confirmed to be a legitimate fundraiser by 90-ghosts. the original blog was deleted but the fundraiser is the exact same link, for clarity.

@/shady0598767755123's fundraiser has also been vetted by @/gazavetters at number 44.

Vetted by association means a blog that was already verified confirmed this person to be someone they're acquainted with, rather than the sources people usually look to.

@/sameer-gaza1 is associated with @/mohiy-gaza, who was vetted by 90-ghosts.

@/shery-89 and @/mahmoud201191 are married; the former had posted the fundraising request, while the latter was the one who sent an ask to my inbox. They are associated with @/nevinalser, who is #314 on el-shab-hussen and nabulsi's list.

Donation protected fundraisers are fundraisers that you can get refunded for if you later believe that the fundraiser is untrustworthy in some way. If you choose to donate, only to believe your money went to someone pretending to be from Palestine, you can submit a claim for it to get your money back. The following fundraisers are currently unvetted, but are donation-protected:

@/basil76's fundraiser

@/ahmadkhalid9725's fundraiser

So far, those who have taken a look at their fundraisers believe them to be legitimate. Do consider them if you're willing to take the plunge yourself.

I am not particularly a helpful blog for anything given I am often inactive and lack reach, socially speaking, but these people have requested that I share the word of their fundraisers. So I hope this helps reach people people who can help them a little more than I can, right now, to whatever extent that may be :>

[brigittas-writing-nook]

Writing Prompt Exercise: Author struggles to "make it big"

I wrote about my "writing prompt exercise" in my welcome post, and here is the first one! Enjoy.

Writing prompt

Describe the life of a struggling author attempting to “make it big”

Writing prompt exercise

Oh, boy, this is scary. Okay, make a plan. Oh, boy, too many ideas. Start a spreadsheet? How will I pay rent? Time to send out a blast for my Patreon and Kofi sites. Honestly, this is the freeest – and possibly most terrified – I have felt my entire working life. Everything is uncertain and exciting at the same time. There is so much opportunity to explore and discover. Just got to get the bills paid. So writing becomes work – a means to an income. But now I can write what pleases me and share it with the world. It’s a freedom I’ve never had in any other job. And it is, without a doubt, work. Outlines help with development for stories, and conversations with characters helps bring them to life. Spreadsheets help keep track of projects, and the task managing program helps me remember what needs to be done to lead me towards success. Got to remember to post on social media. Honestly, I wish this concept had been more prolific the first time I tried to do this. I feel so much more certain that success can happen this time. Will I become a “world-wide famous writer?” Maybe. Or, perhaps, I will bring enough joy to enough people that I’ll make enough to meet my expenses and, perhaps, save up for the time when my words fail me, and I write for the last time. Purpose of this prompt I wrote about why I'm doing this exercise in a separate post. But what purpose does this writing prompt exercise serve? Well, it serves three purposes by: - Keeping me in the practice of writing. - Helping generate story ideas. - Offering you sneak peeks into what I might be working on next. This piece is raw and unedited. I have made no changes from the words I wrote long-hand in my notebook. Why would I do that? Because I want to show y'all that what you write doesn't have to be perfect the first time. Don't let perfect get in the way of getting things done. This writing prompt exercise is different Most of my prompts are meant to help me build story or poem ideas. Sometimes my poetry starts as prose before I meld the words into rhyme, foot, and meter (or free verse rhythm). This prompt, however, took on a "journaling" vibe, and I wanted to share it with you. Because, while I'm excited by my work, and I want you to be, too, I'm scared, because these attempts have been unsuccessful in the past, and, this time, I really want to succeed. So, here I am, exposing my hopes and fears to you. Thank you for reading, and I hope what I do brings you joy. Got any ideas for writing prompts you would like to see me use in a writing prompt exercise? Drop them in the comments. I can always use new ideas. Also, if you want to support me, visit my Patreon or Buy me a Coffee. That's all for now. Stay fabulous, y'all! Read the full article

[amazing-spiderling]

love your fandom asks: 1. list 3 positive things about your current fandom(s), 5. something you see in fics a lot and love, 8. you hope more people will come to appreciate ___ (a ship, a trope, an episode, etc), 13. your favorite type of fandom event (gift exchange, ship week, secret santa, prompt meme, etc)

list 3 positive things about your current fandom(s)

Okay, so as you know, our little server has this comment bingo going on, which is SO GREAT and I'm so happy people got excited and on board about it and kept up with it for the whole two weeks. But on top of that, the way it turned into this sharing experience with people highlighting other stories for people to read and comment on to fill a particular bingo square, the way people came together making spreadsheets (not in my skill set!) to make the process smoother for everyone- like, just out of the blue. It gave me the doki dokis for sure.

2. i feel like I get to be a part of this well cultivated little corner of the internet where there's a good number of people, and while we are all broadly there to be excited about one thing (mattfoggy) most people have a little niche they're exploring (a particular run of the comics, building a collection, completing a reading list, their own OC Au) and there is always at least one person there who is also excited about it and cheering them on- which encourages people to keep going and it's just... I dunno, the garden is well tended and growing, y'know?

3. The Murderdock kids meme like it's their JOB and I love that for us

something you see in fics a lot and love

I don't know if it's that I've been lucky with the fandoms I've picked, or the media itself that lends it to this- but I read a lot of TOP TIER BANTER in fics that is enough to make me laugh out loud at times, and I'm so here for it. There are a ton of genuinely funny people writing ingenious dialogue for my blorbos and I can't thank them enough for bringing a smile to my face. <3 <3 <3

you hope more people will come to appreciate _ (a ship, a trope, an episode, etc)

THE UNTAPPED POTENTIAL FOR KURT WAGNER TO HANG OUT IN HELL'S KITCHEN. Look, he's already been a Spider-Man, he can go hang out with the Defenders, why not? Maybe if he ran Matt through with the Hope sword it would fix him.

your favorite type of fandom event (gift exchange, ship week, secret santa, prompt meme, etc)

After participating in a lot of events, I think my favorites tend to be anything that is collaborative in nature. Like, prompt fests and secret santas are cool in theory, but sometimes it can feel like you've toiled for ages in secret for weeks or months and then sometimes the payoff is lackluster (no comment from recipient, so many works dropped on one day some fall through the cracks), or someone ended up not participating and... just the reality is kinda meh.

But collaborations- things like Big Bangs or zines or anything like that, where the *process* and sharing and communicating and pumping people up is just as much a part of it as the final reveal- I think that's what gets me the most excited about a fandom. I like things that give me an opportunity to get to know people better and share what we like about a given fandom or ship.

[2centsofsilver]

Elmo Session 2/6/24 Tues

Here are some notes for today’s session which I scribbled out last night in journal entry form to myself. I figured you could read them during or follow along as I go through them. 

•Made significant headway with insurance call re surgery

•Ordered and read chapter 1 of Emotionally Immature Parents book; highlighted many points and journaled corresponding bullets. Should I send them to you? Do we have time in sessions to discuss amidst everything else?

•Didn’t finish CV but researched jobs extensively and made spreadsheet to help narrow down where to apply

Somatic Feelings I Can Identify re: PDX & Fear:

•Bad feelings in my stomach like something I’m not supposed to do 

• Feeling of falling & isolation; lone; incapability like need to hold on; fear dissociating while driving bc leaving core/root behind 

• Feelings of being punished for doing something really bad: bad doom; feeling in trouble, or like about to get in trouble 

• Closer I go, the more I feel like something in my mouth/throat stopping me. 

• Feeling of is this right decision? Feeling like what if I’m making big crime like mistake 

Other Notes of Reflection, as prompted by new book (but still have other notes more specific to quotes not shared below):

•Raised w/o self sufficiency 

• Understanding fight response; hate it most bc it’s mean to ppl I love. It’s untameable. It doesn’t make sense when it just starts in. Pushing away and confusing sweet ppl. Make myself more and more hated while desperate for connection; feels like I’m burying hole and choking. So embarrassing. Can’t come back from it. 

• Numb barren zero visible action; they see low Ex Fx so someone unable to ‘do anything.’ Sometimes I worry their words are true. And I get so depressed. Feel far away from self. 

• Feel close to self when out listening to music. 

• Feel scared like how am I ever going to get out of this entrapment. 

• Why can’t I find anyone to help me; why can’t I find anyone to help me scaffold this.

• Scared to submit job apps bc then it’s real and I’m trapped/can’t get out. 

• I want someone to just hold me and tell me im worth it. Missing Tiffany. Want Someone to hold me I can snuggle up against. And I can feel complete and capable of this. But I don’t have it so I have to do it with a super fucked up confused and scarce brain. 

• Why won’t my brother see as real person or me moving as a legitimate event to make happen. It’s senile to me. 

Last few days, reflections on our dynamic & events of last few days:

• Parents betrayal: “we won’t help you with Elmo, Amy, or your masters— you have to use Exxon for that” — makes me feel twisted up in throat can’t breathe. Makes me feel twisted like screaming crying curling up and dying bc confused why I’m being punished for that. They said they’d pay for ED treatment and know I’ve been waiting for Amy’s new program to begin early 2024. 

• Dad called my actions “elder abuse” today (action was me texting him at 7:30am and asking if it was AM or PM and that cat is scratching). He always says text him if cat scratching walls and this is well after the time he normally wakes up. But he came stomping into bedroom while I was sleeping and naked and said this is elder abuse that I’d text a “preposterous question” (I sleep texted it) and that it’s elderly abuse to “imply he must go feed my cat” but really I just wondered whether I’d only slept a few hours having gone to bed 4am or whether I’d slept all day and maybe it was 7:30pm not AM, so I could assess whether I was functioning enough to go downstairs and feed cat or if she was even hungry at all. In recent days dad had no problem calling Lilah away from the walls she scratches and letting me get more sleep but he was so enraged and came stomping in and I screamed that I had no clothes on, to please not come in. He yelled at me so badly, I said “this is abuse,” he said “elderly abuse.”

• They were questioning why I didn’t come down and meet their friends who came over on Saturday but I told myself I wanted to honor my boundaries by sleeping all day bc I didn’t want to show my face in front of people my parents have threatened to have talked shit about me to in the past. 

• They also originally told me just Mike my brother was visiting this past weekend, not with Brie so I didn’t prepare for her. Then she came and I was very caught off guard and not in Self at all. I couldn’t access any parts work at all and was just horrific mood, the kind of mood that encourages negative interactions between me and my parents, like egging it on and being immature and ridiculous. I don’t think that’s autism. I think it’s well within my control but then why do I do it. I know it’s not DID but Just seems like entirely separate personality and most times I don’t even know when I’m in it till I open my big fat mouth. 

• I hate when my parents ask me how I’m going to survive in Portland or fill in the blank with whatever is relevant in the moment. Like if I say mom will you grab me a spoon since you’re standing right there, they say, “how will you get your own spoon in Portland?” It’s becoming more and more frequent. I say they are being ableist and discriminatory and they say I don’t know the words that I use, that the word is “enabling” and that they DO enable me by “waiting on me” and that I’m not self sufficient but rather dependable. I say enabling and ableism are two unrelated things but dad says I’m full of shit. I say I will care for myself how I always have and they act like they’re at a loss for any molecule of that being a qualifying answer. 

•They see my executive dysfunction the last 7 months and constantly bully me about it and I say it’s a product of neurodivergence and they say that’s a cop out and excuse. In response I have tried to actually clarify what ND is and my dad says OK OK YEAH WHATEVER KATIE ANOTHER WORD THAT ISNT REAL. And I’ve just never felt more trapped and alone and erased than I do when I’m with them. 

•So it’s very hard to get myself in a state of mind where I can take big exciting risks like moving out or to Portland or anywhere when all they make me do is wanna blend back into the couch I’m slouched into or the walls that I’m a gnat on. I no longer need to educate or convince them to change— I’m shifting beyond that. But in conversation sometimes my responses to their bullying is simply “I’m neurodivergent” not in an effort to get them to understand, but rather an effort to play an active role in the dialogue and stand up for myself (otherwise not responding just leads to worsening conditions such as my dad later commenting that I don’t listen or hear them and am not aware of my surroundings and have no sense despite the fact that inside my head I am a critical thinker and intellectual and creative who is non stop analyzing everything going on and all my plans for the future). 

•So while I no longer am trying to get them to understand where I’m coming from, I do feel I deserve to offer my response to their accusations or shaming methods or attempts to ask me something. When I set clear boundaries tho of not wanting to talk about Portland or timing of moving etc it’s bc planning it makes it feel real and makes me feel scared and uncertain, unable to give them reliable information when I myself am not even sure I can do this. But they say I’m blocking them out and not including them in the planning process bc I’m inconsiderate and selfish.

These were just scribbled out notes I made last night in bed, not well written so I apologize if they were difficult to follow.