#ask-commander-ash-shepard

[perry-the-platypus-f1cs]

My son is on the news. A Dadler and Graveson oneshot.

Ao3: Link

It was a quiet day; the faint smell of cigar smoke curling through the air of the Adler estate combined with the framed photos depicting father and son in various stages of life had somehow managed to soften Adler's heart. The warm feeling of home stirred in his heart.   That is until he got a text from his old colleague and now friend, Frank Woods. (A Oneshot where Adler reacts to the court scene form Mw3)

“This is the life.” Adler hummed to the ghosts of his past as he puffed another cloud of smoke out of his nostrils, watching as it rose and curled towards the ceiling.

Here he was lying back in his armchair, a cigar held in his right hand, in his home for the past few decades, and the estate was his son's home as well.

Adler hadn’t seen his son for several months, which isn't unusual for the two of them. Phillip had his own pmc to command and Adler was still doing what he’s always done except he was stuck behind a desk, eyes latched to a screen, headphones secured on his head, he hated it, being so far from the action when his son was up fighting on the front lines.

As Adler was almost about to raise the cigar to his lips, a buzz sound from the small phone laid haphazardly on the small wooden side table. Adler's eyebrows furrow as he ashes out his cigar and plucks the small phone from the table.

The phone was a gift that he received from Phillip, despite Adler's grievances about Phillip's persistence that his father carry a phone so that he could be easily contacted by him and the rest of Adler’s friends, because of course he had so many.

Adler’s hand wrapped around the device, his finger pressing against the on button, the small screen illuminating a message at the top of the screen underneath the name displayed. 

Frank Woods

TURN ON THE FUCKING NEWS! YOUR SON'S DONE SOME SHIT!.

The bold words shown on the screen went straight to Adler's head, mind racing as he stood up from the armchair, heart racing. 

‘Fuck, what has Phillip done?’ His mind raced as he reached the glass coffee table, his hand wrapping around the TV remote, pressing buttons frantically, trying to find his son.

It didn't take long.

The breaking news headline moved across the bottom of the screen, the video of the courtroom playing before his eyes.

His son sat at a table facing towards the congress speaker; next to him sat an army general, judging from the many pins and other chest candy displayed on the general's chest.  

The TV speakers crackled as the audio came through. “Mr. Graves, were you given orders to use lethal force against TF-141?”

The congress speaker’s head tilted slightly as he asked the question, and Alder couldn’t help but laugh a little bit at the use of the fake last name despite the dread bubbling in his gut. The camera zoned in on Phillip waiting for his son’s response. 

“Yes, I was.” Phillip responded sharply, keeping his eyes ahead, not looking at the general sitting at another table next to him. Quiet murmurs echoed through the speakers detailing the jury's reactions.

“Quiet, quiet! In this chamber!” The judge's hard command spun through the chamber, flickering through the TV speakers. Adler watched as the judge redirected his attention back onto Phillip. 

“Who gave those orders?” The judge demands his eyes narrow on the screen. Phillip replies sharply, keeping his focused tunnel vision on the congress and judge panel.

“General Herschel Shepard.” 

Oh shit. 

Phillip had mentioned the general before, and Phillip's tone was less than friendly during that conversation. And this was that general. 

The court scene continues before Adler's very eyes.

“Did you act on those orders, Mr. Graves?” The judge’s continued grilling and questions were returned with devout answers until the trial came to a swift end.

As soon as Adler saw Phillip step out of the courtroom, his finger pressed against the call button, holding the small device to his ear, each ring of the phone feeling like another scar being etched into his skin with shrapnel. 

“Hey, Dad—” Phillip's words were cut short by Adler: “What the hell happened?” Adler’s demand was sharp, leaving no room for Phillip to deviate from the subject. 

Adler heard Phillip clear his throat before beginning to speak.

Safe to say after Phillip hung up on their conversation after explaining, and Adler got to work. 

��--------------------------------------------time skip—-------------------------------------------------------

Laswell was sitting in the middle of her dimly lit lounge. Her wife had gone to bed, trying to goad her to bed as well, but there was no rest for the wicked, so Laswell simply smiled and promised her that she would be in bed soon after.

That was 3 hours ago. Laswell had gotten a message earlier that day, and now all she was waiting for was a call. 

Her phone buzzed on the table, vibrating softly. Her hand snatched it from the tabletop. Her eyes scanned the illuminated screen, eyeing the ‘no caller ID’ at the top of the screen. She answered the call, holding it up to her ear. “This is Kate Laswell—” She's cut off by the voice on the other end. 

“709 Buena Vista Avenue DC. That's where the general is, tell Captain Price." The voice behind the phone was deep and calculated; it made Laswell's skin crawl.

“Who is this?” She asked, reaching for the computer in front of her. The voice responded immediately, “Someone who hates the general as much as you do and the captain does, so I’m doing you a favor and letting you end it.” 

The call with the stranger ended abruptly; Laswell retracted the phone from her ear as she sighed, rubbing her eyes as she set the phone down on the table. 

Her eyes darted back to the computer, tracing the screen before flicking onto another tab. Something felt wrong, but the general had overstepped far too many times and had proved to be a bigger threat than he was an ally.

The next day, Russel Adler got a call from a certain CIA director.

“Livingstone, how can I help you?’” Adler answers the incessant ringing phone that had been buzzing on his kitchen counter for well over two hours now. He had the phone tucked between his shoulder and his ear; his hands were preoccupied; he was cooking a simple meal for himself, nice glazed pork ribs with a side of coleslaw.

“An army general was just found dead in his office, the same general who had been seen on national television with your son! Did you do this!” Daniel Livingston's accusatory screeching voice whips through the phone, and Adler winces, mourning his right eardrum.

Adler signs exasperatedly. “Well, technically no,” he answered smugly. Oh, how he loved to push Livingston's buttons, and judging from the outraged cry that just came from Adler’s phone, it worked spectacularly. 

“What in God's good name did you do?” Livingstone demanded and Adler just chuckled a wide smirk across his face.

. “Well, I got rid of a potential threat. The general had already caused multiple unneeded casualties, and he also made an enemy of an exceptional task force that was under his command.” Adler's words were smooth and careless as if they were discussing the weather and not Adler's successful assassination.

Livingstone just sighed and hung up.

Adler removed one of his hands from glazing the ribs to place his phone back on the table before continuing to cover the raw meat in a beautiful barbecue glaze, his attention only being drawn away by the sound of footsteps approaching the kitchen.

“Heya pops.” The sound of Phillips' voice makes Adler roll his eyes comedically watching out of the corner of his eye as Phillip takes a seat at the large marble island table. “Watch'a making?” Phillips' inquiry makes Adler look up from his task to see his son's ruffled hair and dishevelled suit he had worn and slept in from the day before.

Adler huffs, smiling slightly, “barbecue ribs and a slaw. You slept in quite a bit; it's lunch." Adler watches as Phillip's tired expression rapidly changes into shock; his eyes widen at hearing what the time was. Phillip practically leaps out of his seat and tried to scramble out of the kitchen. 

“Not so fast, kiddo!.” Adler calls out, watching as Phillip stops dead in his tracks, looking over his shoulder at his old man. Adler smiles, picking up the bowl of perfectly glazed ribs. ‘At least stay for lunch.” 

Phillip looks at his father then to the bowl of yet-to-be-cooked ribs his stomach grumbles, gnawing with hunger, a flush of embarrassment flooding his face.

“Guess I could stay a little while longer…”

That day father and son ate lunch in the kitchen in their home. They shared stories and laughed together, a moment of peace for the both of them whilst the world was going to shit. 

[average-mako-enjoyer]

I keep thinking about Kaidan's character arc and how important his struggle with survivor's guilt is to it.

The whole trilogy literally begins with him losing his subordinate (Jenkins) for the first time, and it obviously hits him hard.

Kaidan is the head of the Marine detail on the Normandy, which means that every Marine on board, their safety and comfort is his responsibility. Sure, the Normandy is the new ship, but you can't just put a bunch of people on board and sail them off on their first mission. It takes a lot of preparation and team building to make that work, so realistically, before Jenkins' death, Kaidan spent weeks and weeks with these guys, trying to make a connection and get them to trust him (with their lives).

He spent every day of the week with these guys, and he was the one who comforted them after Jenkins' death, both as their officer and as someone who was present when Jenkins was killed and as someone who literally pronounced him dead. The whole brunt of this fell on Kaidan's shoulders because Shepard was unconscious after the contact with the beacon, and that's another reason for Kaidan to feel terrible about the whole event: He not only lost his subordinate during this mission, he almost lost his commanding officer, and now he has to explain it all to Anderson and the crew. It's brutal.

Also, the way he talks about the whole event afterwards is very telling. He says: "I served for years, but never lost a soldier under my command. Not to hostile action, anyway." There's a trauma here. What kind of action did you lose soldiers to, Kaidan?

And after all that, he loses Ashley, who is also a soldier under his command, and also Jenkins' replacement on board.

Kaidan asks, "How could we just leave her down there?" and "Why me? Why not her?" And when Shepard says it was their call, Kaidan says, "If I had done my job, you wouldn’t have had to make that call."

He blames himself for this situation, he feels survivor's guilt, and you can only imagine how much worse it gets when Shepard tells him to evacuate with the crew after the Normandy is attacked by the Collectors. Kaidan follows that order and survives. Shepard does not.

In ME2, that same guilt is absolutely part of why Shepard's betrayal hurts him so much. Not only because Kaidan (or Ashley), unlike every other ME1 squadmate, actively went looking for Shepard and made a lot of personal sacrifices to make that meeting possible (I need to write a separate post about that, don't I?), not only because Kaidan is apparently not worthy enough to be contacted by Shepard, but also because Kaidan did not protect Shepard, and now Shepard is with the enemy.

And then ME3 happens, and Kaidan's students go MIA, and they die, and he has to deal with that same guilt again. I feel very strongly that all these years after Shepard's death, he has tried to do his job well enough so that nobody has to make tough calls, but this war is just one big tough call, and he tries to deal with that fact, and he struggles terribly (especially in the deleted scene).

Kaidan's whole journey through the Reaper War is about trying to deal with the absolute loss of control and the guilt. He didn't save Jenkins, he didn't save Ash, he didn't save Shepard's life, and he didn't save Shepard from Cerberus, and he didn't help Shepard with the Collectors.

And now he can't help his students, and he can't even help his mother, but maybe he can finally help Shepard and be there for Shepard in their last moments, and he comes to terms with that ("We both know this is goodbye."; oh, the way his voice breaks in that moment...). But then Shepard leaves him again, and there's nothing Kaidan can do about it. Absolutely nothing.

Ouch.

[themultifandomgal]

Hank Voight- Another One?

The sound of Hanks car coming up the drive way makes me jump to my feet. I pick up the 10 week old German Shepard and make my way to the bathroom

"Ok shhh we have to be quiet" I tell the puppy and place her down and shut the door as I hear the front door open then close. I walk over to greet my husband who is in command of the intelligence unit. Our other 4 dogs have already beat me to it "hey love good day?"

"Fine"

"Are you hungry? I can make us your favourite"

"What did you do?" Hank squints looking at me

"Nothing" I quickly shake my head. A small yap is heard from the bathroom

"What was that?"

"That was just Vinnie"

"Vinnie is here" Hank points to our oldest dog "and so is Ash, Bella and Max"

"Then it was my tummy?" there's another yap and so Hank walks passed me and towards the bathroom. Opening the door the little puppy comes running out and jumping up at Hank

"Another one? Seriously YN another puppy?"

"But he was abandoned and I couldn't say no" I pout

"I swear your job is a pain in the backside" Hank shakes his head. I pick up the puppy who's tail is wagging and she starts licking my face "5 dogs then?"

"Does that mean we can keep her?" I ask excitedly

"I guess we can keep her" I put the puppy down and wrap my arms around my husband

"Thank you thank you thank you" I kiss all over his face.

Later that evening we lay in bed together surrounded by all of our dogs. The new puppy is snuggled up with Max

"We need a name for her" I tell Hank

"What were you thinking?"

"I like Luna and Nova"

"I like Nova"

"Nova it is. I'm sorry I keep bringing dogs home but while your out saving people I'm saving animals. Your lucky I've just kept to dogs. Nearly bought home a rabbit and cat yesterday from a hoarders house" I chuckle which causes Hank to laugh along with me

"I know it's hard and you love the animals, but no more dogs. We've got 5 now and I don't think we could cope with anymore. Especially if we want a baby"

"I know, but their just so cute"

"I know I know" Vinnie jumps on the bed and wiggles his way in between Hank and I. I yawn feeling sleepy after my long day "good night YN"

"Night Hank".

[vakarianshepard]

Alexa Shepard Personality/Additional Background

I’ve been wanting to talk about my Shep’s history etc for a while so here’s a little more personal stuff about Alexa :)

Alexa is a pretty private person, but she isn’t really closed off per se. In fact she’s pretty open about her life if asked, which gives people the impression that they know her better than they actually do. For example, she’ll gladly talk about her parents, her life on Mindoir, just not about the attack or the aftermath. She isn’t really bothered by people asking about Akuze; she can talk about the chronological events that happened, she just doesn’t go into detail about the friends she lost or how she felt during it. 

One of her biggest hangups is letting people get close; after losing her parents and almost all of her friends on Mindoir, she struggled during the rest of her schooling to make new friends. When she joined the Alliance, she loved the sense of camaraderie, of people from super diverse backgrounds all working together to protect the frontier. She was among a lot of like minded people and with time, she made friends again. I headcanon that she requested to be stationed on colonies at first; she joined the Alliance because she wanted to help protect small frontier colonies like Mindoir. However, because of her biotics and her leadership potential, she was promoted to the fleet within a couple years. 

Akuze happened right after Alexa had been promoted during the Blitz. Losing her entire unit, dozens of her friends, especially under her command nearly broke her. She spent a month or two on medical leave, during which time she attended mandatory therapy via the Alliance. Afterwards, she threw herself into her work completely, determined to not let something like Akuze happen under her command again. She was a little more “hardened” after Akuze, and is very protective of her team as a result. 

As for her alignment, she is a very pragmatic paragade. She has a tough exterior, and she definitely has her walls up, but at her core she is a little sensitive and cares a lot about her friends and comrades. She can be stubborn and bullheaded; once she decides on a course of action, she commits fully. She doesn’t make choices lightly and she is very sure of herself most of the time. Alexa also has a bit of a temper, and she has absolutely no patience or sympathy for people who attack vulnerable or innocent people. For example in ME1, she agrees w/ Garrus about Dr. Saleon and not taking Saren in alive; she believes (to an extent) that the harm they’ve done/could do is too great to risk them escaping. She also sacrifices the hostages on X57 to stop Balak. Her reasoning is that letting him go would result in a lot more deaths down the line—deaths that she would feel responsible for. 

Her character arc in ME1 is mostly about her gaining confidence with being in command of her own ship and letting herself open up to her crew, particularly Ash, Garrus, and Liara.

I’m also working on writing little blurbs for her relationship w/ the core members of the crew and how they evolve through ME1 and the series that I might post if I finish them😅

[skinnyazn]

Like Tears in the Rain

Pairing: Commander Shepard x Liara T'Soni Chapters: 1/1 Notes: @parttimeprophet asked "Ohhhh how about tearful kisses with Liara T'Soni x Femshep 👀🫶🏻? Writing, pls!" for kiss challenge!, Now you get the most heart wrenching bullshit, I may or may not have made myself cry at the end, it's fine I'm fine, excuse any tense issues I never write in present tense so this was a struggle,

AO3 | MASTERLIST

Shepard is a born soldier, fighting with bared teeth and pure grit through every calamity in her life, so this ache that sits deep inside her bones is a familiar feeling. It’s made its home from the years of abuse on the battlefield, across different planets and star systems, but it wears on her the longer she marches through the torn streets of London. Wave after wave, casualty after casualty—the physical aspect is nearly as heavy as the mental. One mistake and it all ends: the Reapers win and humanity, as well as every other sentient species in the galaxy, annihilated. And that simply isn't an option. Not for Shepard. So she does the only thing she knows how to do: fight to survive. It’s an endless reserve of horrors as her crew fight through the crumbling city. Even the Cerberus cybernetics in her body can’t combat the tiredness she feels when they finally reach the Forward Operating Base. 

There’s no time for rest as Shepard inhales deeply, breathing the ash-laden air into her lungs, as she walks around the rubble to rally the band of soldiers. She looks at the faces of the men and women who served alongside her over the years, who trusted her—followed her through hell and back. They look older now. Kaidan has grey speckles throughout his temples and Garrus, a few more scars. Anderson just looks tired, and Shepard wishes things could have gone differently for the admiral. She makes it across a bridge to a makeshift medbay where Liara is already tending to the wounded, doing what she can to help the dying with her omni-tool. She still has the gore from the team’s early assault on her armor and Shepard wants to wipe it all away.

“How are the casualties?” she asks instead, walking toward the asari.

Liara doesn’t look up from her tool. “We lost people. Some of the wounded here won’t make it,” and it comes out calmly.

Shepard studies her lover. She hasn’t aged a day since their first meeting in that Prothean dig-site, yet the years took their toll in other ways. The once innocent and shy asari was now hardened by loss—most of all by Shepard’s.

“How are you holding up, Liara?” Shepard asks softly, moving closer.

“This is it, isn’t it,” Liara finally looks up at her commander, but her glacial blue eyes are distant. 

“Yeah,” Shepard breathes, “this is it.” 

The asari looks away, at the wounded—at the carnage around them in the brief moment of calm. 

“I don’t know what to say. I just know I’ll have a clever line five minutes from now,” she chuckles, but it comes out flat. Shepard reaches for her hand.

She stares calmly into her commander’s eyes. “I do have one thing for you, Shepard. A gift. It’ll only take a moment, if you want it.”

“Of course I do.”

Liara smiles and it makes Shepard’s heart yearn. She moves toward her lover, closing her eyes and resting her forehead against the asari’s.

And suddenly there is a weightless serenity. All the heaviness and pain from the battlefield, gone. When Shepard opens her eyes, she’s in a peaceful oblivion, surrounded by stars. Liara’s delicate hands fit perfectly in Shepard’s.

And they don’t need to speak because they can feel each other’s emotions. All the nuances and subtleties that can’t be conveyed with words. The comfort. The calm. The abundance of love. A glowing light rises over an artificial horizon, but Shepard is too lost in Liara’s eyes to notice its color. And when they kiss, it reminds Shepard why she’s in the fight: to give all the lovers a chance like they got. Liara moves her hands over her stomach and Shepard feels a wave of emotions. To give life a chance.

I wish we had more time, she thinks, but when her eyes open, she’s back in London.

Liara looks at her solemnly. “Thank you, Shepard, for everything. I love you.”

Shepard’s hands linger on the asari’s waist, thumbs brushing over her stomach. She’s too scared to say it out lout so she settles for, “I’ll be fighting for us.”

“I know,” Liara smiles, and this time it reaches her eyes. “Now let’s do what needs to be done.”

Shepard nods, taking in her lover one last time before the final push—her particular shade of blue, the kindness in her eyes, the softness of her body. She presses her forehead against the asari once more before she turns and makes her way through the stretchers to gather her crew.

And the minutes feel like hours as Hammer Team make their final assault through No Man’s Land. The swarm of husks and mutilated creatures is overwhelming. Soldiers fall all around, but Shepard and her team push forward. London looks unrecognizable as they navigate toward the massive Conduit Beam in the middle of the city.

“Incoming Banshees!” Liara cries out, readying a warp attack. 

“These bastards don’t give up,” Shepard grunts, feeling the weight of her Viper as she takes another headshot. 

“Brute at your five, Shepard!” Garrus shouts this time. 

“Then handle it! Where the hell is Wrex and the rest of the Krogans?”

“We’re busy cleaning up the mess you left,” Wrex’s voice booms through the static of the comms.

“It’s just like old times,” Garrus quips, but Shepard tunes him out as the claws of a banshee narrowly miss impaling her. She stabs the thing with her omni-tool and the shriek it emits is deafening.

“Shepard, take down that Destroyer!” It’s Anderson’s voice that breaks through the comms now, and Shepard spares a second to glance up a the massive Reaper that just touched down.

“You’ve got to be kidding me…”

“There should be Thanix Missiles controls in one of the tanks. Aim and fire!” the admiral shouts.

“Tuchanka 2.0,” Shepard mutters under her breath as she continues firing at the swarm of ground enemies. The deep boom of the Destroyer shakes the whole ground as its red beam carves through the city.

“We don’t have time! I’ll cover you,” Garrus yells, nearing the commander.

Shepard dashes toward the shuttle, booting up the missiles. Everything slows as she waits for the Reaper’s cannon to open; her whole body vibrates from the adrenaline. A glow of red and she presses fire. It’s a direct hit—until they swerve away at the last second.

“What the hell was that?!” she shouts, as she takes shot at a marauder in stasis. Liara has regrouped next to her as well.

“Damnit. The conduit beam must be interfering with the missiles’ guidance,” Anderson gripes. 

“EDI? Do you read me?” Shepard barks through her comms.

“Yes, Commander,” and it’s odd hearing the AI sound so strained.

“Any suggestions?” Another shot to a husk.

“I may be able to use the Normandy to enhance the missiles’ targeting capabilities.”

“Do it.”

“I’ll need you to open a link to the operating systems.”

Shepard punches at the control system while Garrus and Liara continue firing at the enemies that keep coming. 

“Missile guidance enhanced! But the Destroyer is still out of range. It needs to be as close as possible, Commander.”

Shepard unloads into another banshee. “How the hell do we get it closer—”

“Shepard!” Anderson interrupts through her earpiece. “Harbinger is releasing everything he’s got. Hammer Team is making its way toward you. Just hold on.”

“Another wave?!” Liara sounds exasperated as her flare of biotics rips through a husk. Shepard can tell it's taking a toll on the biotic.

“We HOLD!”

And wave after wave comes. Banshees, cannibals, marauders—it’s an endless stream of near death calls. The ash from the burning surroundings stick to Shepard's sweat drenched skin and tighten her throat.

“Look,” Garrus rasps between shots, “the Destroyer is closing in.”

Shepard glances at the horizon and the massive machine is nearly on top of them now. 

“Commander, it is within range!” EDI shouts over the comms.

“Firing!”

Another two Thanix missiles fire as the beam of the Destroyer weaves its way toward Shepard. This time they stick.

“A direct hit!”

“Hit them with everything you’ve got!” Shepard barks into the comms. An array of bullets and missiles in the city rain down on the Destroyer, exploding the being and littering the surroundings with corpse. A cloud of dust hits the crew.

“Destroyer terminated.” The AI sounds marginally calmer now.

“Nice work, EDI,” Shepard coughs, and she hears footsteps marching behind her.

“Shepard, over here!” It’s Anderson, and the commander feels a wave of relief that he finally caught up to them. She makes her way toward the older man. “We’re not out of the woods yet. Hackett just reported that several Sovereign-class reapers—including Harbinger—have broken off and are headed here.”

“Harbinger…”

“It’s a long shot but it’ll give Hackett enough time to get to the Citadel. But we still need someone on the ground to get to the beam and open the doors for him.”

“We still don’t know what we’ll find onboard the Citadel…” Garrus says bleakly.

“Then that’s our job: find out what we’re up against.” Shepard looks at the turian—at all of the remaining soldiers. “We’ve made it this far. There’s no turning back now. This is what we’ve been fighting for. Victory or death.” They nod.

“Alright,” Anderson said, “saddle up.”

Inside the shuttle there’s an odd sense of peace, in spite of the occasional rocking from explosions around them. There’re no windows and Shepard exhales at the bliss of being able to sit, to rest—if only for a moment. She looks over at her crew. Liara stares fixedly ahead, exhausted, and she reaches for her hand. The asari smiles faintly, squeezing back. Garrus has a shoulder wound and blood splattered all over him. Shepard hopes most if it isn’t his. He gives her a nod, telling her he’s ready to follow her to the end. Anderson sits in front of the commander, looking more than his age. She bitterly wishes he had a chance for a tranquil retirement among the stars.

“I’m proud of you, Shepard,” Anderson speaks, and it takes her by surprise. “We’re in the home stretch now.”

“No one I’d rather do this with.”

“We’re with you ’til the end,” Garrus chimes in, and his dual-tone voice sounds so tired. Liara just squeezes her hand harder.

But the smile is quickly wiped from Shepard’s face as the shuttle crashes to a halt.

“Well it was nice while it lasted,” she says, before opening the shuttle doors. “Ready?”

Outside is carnage, and the road to the Conduit is crumbled from the impact of the beam. They’re so close, but now it’s by foot now.

“It’s Harbinger!” Liara shouts over the chaos, as Shepard spots the colossal being landing. It's at least five times bigger than the Destroyer they just took down. 

“We make a run for it! NOW!” she yells, taking off as the Reaper’s beam cuts through shuttles and soldiers alike. Shepard can only focus on the conduit beam as she navigates the debris, dodging exploding tanks and falling rubble. She watches Harbinger’s laser vaporizes the ground next to her, flipping over a vehicle. It lands right in the path of her team.

“Liara!” Shepard shouts, going back for the Asari and dragging her to cover. Garrus slams his body against the flipped tank as well.

“Normandy, do you copy?! I need an evac right now!” She looks down at Liara, who’s starting to bleed on her.

“We’re taking on heavy losses up here, Commander,” Joker yells through the comms, but moments later the Normandy pulls in. Shepard feels a surge of pride knowing only Joker could pull off a maneuver like that.

“C’mon,” Shepard groans, lifting Liara over her shoulder and running back to Normandy. Other soldiers filter off the ship for ground reinforcement. The earth shakes each time Harbinger’s beam cuts through it.

“Here, take her,” Shepard grunts, handing Liara over to Garrus. 

“Shepard!” Liara moans, reaching out as blood trails down her side.

“You gotta get out of here!”

Garrus tries to pull her onto the ship but the asari pushes back.

“I’m alright, Shepard.”

“Don’t argue with me, Liara!”

“You’re not leaving me behind!” she cries. And all Shepard can see is the shy, helpless scientist she first met on Therum.

“No matter what happens,” Shepard steps toward the asari, “you mean everything to me, Liara.” 

Tears stream down the asari’s face now as her commander kisses her with the hopelessness of a dead woman walking. Garrus looks away.

“It’ll always be you,” and she wipes away the tears and blood splattered across her azure cheeks.

“Shepard I…”

But behind them, the high-pitch whirling of Harbinger’s charging cannon shrills.

“GO!” Shepard yells, looking at Liara for a final time before sprinting away from the ship. 

“I love you!” she hears her lover sob as the loading door closes and the Normandy pulls away, but her focus is on the beam now. She weaves through Harbinger’s lasers until things go white. ____

Time is distorted. She remembers the beam. She remembers the corpses. Somewhere in there, Anderson.

“You did good, kid. You did good.”

And she remembers smiling, feeling proud. But it didn’t last. She took the dog tags and put them over her neck. And she remembers the stillness of watching the chaos in space from inside the Conduit—the muted explosions and fleets of ships outside made her feel like she was underwater. She wonders if Hackett made it.

Then there’s The Child—the one she kept seeing on Earth and in her dreams—and it’s telling her she has to make a choice. She studies the thing, this illusion of a boy, and hopes that Liara made it. She wonder’s what she’ll name their daughter; she wishes she could watch her grow.

And when Shepard walks up to the catalyst, she’s not afraid this time. It’s not like the suffocating, cold, loneliness of space over Alchera. Now, she’s over her home. Earth. With everyone she’s ever loved down there. She holds the other set of dog tags in her hands.

“We did it, Anderson. We did it.” And she fires into the catalyst.

[assassinlex]

N7 Month Day 7 - FREE SPACE

Happy N7 Day, everyone. I hope you enjoy this lighthearted snippet set during ME1. Thank you for reading. ------------

“I’m so glad you enjoyed Fleet & Flotilla! It’s my favorite. ‘I’m as free as the dust in the solar wind’.” Tali sighed happily and Ash couldn’t help but grin.

“I’ll have to introduce you to some of my favorite poets. Humans have a lot of great romantic ones.”

The door to the CO’s quarters slipped open, Shepard entering the mess already dressed in her uniform, making a beeline for the coffee. “Morning Skipper! You enjoy movie night last night?”

Shepard sipped her coffee, leaning back against the counter. “I did. Wasn’t sure what to think about Vakarian’s selection at first but it grew on me.” Ash snorted.

“Blasto reminded me of those old cheesy B movies.” “Hey now, some of those movies are classics!” “Classically bad, you mean.” “What is a B movie?” Tali asked.

“It’s codename for low budget trash, just like Blasto. Seriously Skipper, we’ve got to work on your movie taste.”

Rolling her eyes, Shepard went back to her coffee, spotting the medbay door opening out of the corner of her eye. “Morning T’Soni. I’ve got your tea ready for you.” The Asari smiled shyly, a light blue blush creeping up her neck.

“Thank you, Shepard. That was very kind of you.”

Watching the two oblivious lovebirds, Tali saw an opportunity. “What did you think of Fleet and Flotilla, Shepard?”

“Oh, uh…” Her coffee mug was suddenly quite fascinating. “Not a big romance fan, Skipper? Or was it the singing?” “I rather enjoyed it.” Liara chimed in.

“Don’t tell me we’re talking about that boring love mush.” Wrex grumbled as he walked in with Garrus.

“Oh come on Wrex, you don’t enjoy a good romance? It’s a classic. Very popular among Turians.”

“I wonder why.” The Krogan muttered sarcastically as AJ nearly choked on her coffee.

“I promise my pick will have plenty of action, though I think it’s Kaidan’s turn next.” Eyes moving towards the biotic, she queried, “What’s on the docket, Alenko?”

“Oh, well… I was thinking of a romance movie.”

“Shit.” Came from Wrex and Shepard at the same time. Ash, Tali, and Liara burst out laughing, Shepard shooting Liara an indignant face. Putting down her mug, AJ threw up her hands. "As commanding officer and first human Spectre, I'm pulling rank. LT, you can go after me. Time for Blasto 2: Jellyfish Boogaloo!"

The groans from the romance lovers was music to the Commander's ears, a smirk firmly plastered on her face.

[lavampira]

hi dani :> 📻 would you like to share songs for d'alia, sidalia, and maybe one of your ME girlies? 👀

hi azia ty !! happy to share for all three hehe <: oc ask game

from my d'alia playlist:

Don't wanna let it lay me down this time Drown my will to fly Here in the darkness I know myself Can't break free until I let it go, let me go Darling, I forgive you after all Anything is better than to be alone And in the end I guess I had to fall Always find my place among the ashes

lithium - evanescence: during heavensward, d'alia is in a really dark, lonely, spiraling place, where she internalizes a lot of survivor's guilt from the banquet, and this song really encapsulates her journey as a dark knight and coming to terms with all that anguish, guilt, and anger that she feels, rediscovering who she is through fray/esteem, and forgiving herself for surviving, too.

from my main sidalia playlist (break-up era angst edition):

And I just keep on thinking how you made me feel better And all the crazy little things that we did together In the end, in the end it doesn't matter If tonight is gonna be the loneliest You'll be the saddest part of me A part of me that will never be mine It's obvious Tonight is gonna be the loneliest You're still the oxygen I breathe I see your face when I close my eyes It's torturous Tonight is gonna be the loneliest

the loneliest - måneskin: it goes back to the heart metaphor with them, not only sid's epithet but the fact that d'alia refers to him as her heart, and that her heart aches and isn't even her own because it's back in ishgard with him. it's sort of the realization that he's the one who's always made her feel safest and most herself and missing him SO BAD while they're apart!

and from malena's playlist:

Control, there's so many ways to give in Eyes closed, another way to make it to ten Oh, how to draw the line between wrath and mercy? Gotta simmer, simmer, simmer, simmer, simmer down

simmer - hayley williams: I always think of this one as her mindset during the last two games of the trilogy, like, she's being treated as a pawn by a ruthless organization (and one that she's traumatized by in her background! she's been manipulated by them from the start!) and trying to warn anyone who will listen that there's danger coming, it's here, and nobody wants to hear it. but she's also commander shepard and she can't let anyone see her come undone, no matter how much she's seething. she's the only one who can get everyone through this mess.

[warningsine]

@armeniuslaurant that moment where you have to decide what to do with Balak was one of the hardest in the game for me.

The Kaidan vs. Ashley thing never particularly troubled me because I wasn't that attached to those characters--at that point in time, at least.

But how to deal with a terrorist? Let him go when you know he had already taken lives and will probably do so again in the future (he was willing to kill millions) or save the 3 hostages like that guy practically begged you to do? Very Trolley problem-like.

Kant would tell you that the blood would be on Balak's hands if you chose to sacrifice the hostages, because the decision was forced upon you. But Kant's ethics can drive a person up the wall.

I know that Balak can become a war asset in the 3rd game, but if you play as a Renegade, he calls Shepard the fuck out.

I feel you became more of a monster than I did. I only took a small amount of people hostage and used them as collateral but what did you do? You dropped a Mass Relay and killed countless amount of my people so you can save lives. If anything, I should kill you for that so I can be the hero to my people but other people would deem me to be the villain for doing so. Wonderous how things are now.

The Leviathan DLC gives me chills. I've always loved it, because it gave me "Bioshock" vibes.

That moment in the game where those indoctrinated scientists tell you in a monotonous manner, "The darkness cannot be breached." Scary af. And when they wake up and realize they lost 10 years of their lives? Oof.

And actually meeting those Lovecraftian creatures?

The music, the atmosphere, the suspense when Shepard travels down to the darkest depth of the ocean, the creepiness when you see how huge Leviathan are, how they can take your friends' forms because they're reading your mind? Pure awesomeness.

That being said, it is beyond stupid that you recruit them and never find out what happens to them after the war. Hello? These all powerful creatures that can indocrinate you are gonna be a problem if they don't fuck off and disappear again. The extended cut should have addressed that.

Also, they're a war asset, but you never see them fight. (Just like with the other living horrors you can choose to recruit: the Rachni.

I wish we had the option to save the Thorian too. What a fascinating creature.)

Unfortunately, with Javik--as funny as I find his "primitives" comments at times, I was as disappointed as Liara, because I wanted more Prothean lore. (Never meet your Prothean idols.)

The deepest the game went with him?

Stand amongst the ashes of a trillion dead souls, and ask the ghosts if honor matters. The silence is your answer.

and

The stone has no choice in the form it will take. You and I Commander, war is our sculptor. And we are prisoners to its design.

[sanguinemoonglitch]

In the Ashes

“Stand in the ashes of a trillion dead souls and ask the ghosts if honor matters.”

Inara Shepard had long thought of Torfan as a failure. Her commanding officers had told her it was a success, but it wasn’t their dreams haunted by the screams of the dying.

Her honor demanded more of her, she had sworn it to herself.

And then the war with the Reapers had hit.

She stood in the ashes on Earth. On Menae. On Thessia.

Thessia had been the worst. She had pursued the mission at any cost, knowing it was vital that they succeed. The Asari died around her, kept from retreating by her order.

And then she stood in the ashes of Horizon.

That was when she really learned what it meant to give up one's honor to fight the enemy.

She tamped down the despair that had been building since her last conversation with Jack. She didn't know if he could be stopped at this point.

But she swore to herself that she would be the one to do it.

[writtenjewels]

Terrible Dancing

Kaidan and Ashley exchanged curious looks with each other as they followed Shepard along the path that would take them to the lower wards. They hadn't been back to the Citadel since Shepard became a Spectre. With good reason: they found themselves unexpectedly busy, answering one distress call after another or stumbling upon space pirates or any number of things. And on top of all that, they recently encountered the Thorian.

Shepard hadn't said a lot about the Cipher, but Kaidan could tell it was weighing on him. This visit to the Citadel might have just been an excuse to get off the ship without stumbling upon another part of space that needed Shepard's help.

Kaidan was starting to recognize their surroundings. His steps slowed a little the closer they got to Flux. What was an attractive environment for most people meant a lot of stimulation for him. He hoped that it wouldn't trigger a migraine. He followed Shepard and Ashley to a table, eventually relaxing enough to join the two in a drink.

“Great way to blow off steam, right, Kaidan?” Shepard said with a smile.

“Right,” he agreed. And so far the lights and noise weren't too bad.

“Are you going to spot us credits for Quasar, skipper?” Ashley teased.

“No way. I've seen you play, Chief.” The two laughed, Kaidan smiling politely. He was happy to be here, but knew he wasn't a social butterfly like Shepard or Ashley. He tried chiming in when they started chatting, but he mostly stayed quiet and listened.

Eventually Shepard got up and moved to the dance floor. Kaidan watched him with amusement. He wasn't much of an expert, but the bobbing and arm wiggles didn't look like they counted as dancing. He caught Ashley's eye and saw she was trying not to laugh.

“At least now we know he's not good at everything,” Kaidan remarked to her.

“I know! God, I wish I had a camera!” She was still grinning when she nudged him. “You should go up there!”

“Come on, Ash. He's bad, but he's having fun.”

“I meant,” she clarified, rolling her eyes, “you should go up and join him.”

“What, dancing?” He couldn't tell if she was joking. “I'm not that much better than him.” Ashley raised an eyebrow, as if to say, So?<?i>

“Go have fun, LT. Seriously.”

Why not? He got to his feet and headed over to the dance floor. Shepard stopped his bob and wiggle moves when Kaidan got close enough. The commander's cheeks were a little flushed, his eyes bright when they focused on Kaidan. Without a word, he grabbed Kaidan's wrist and pulled him fully onto the floor.

“Thanks for coming over,” he said.

“Ashley insisted.”

“Really?” Shepard glanced over to their table. “Then I owe her another drink.” Kaidan didn't know what the commander meant by that, but it made him a little nervous. “You like dancing, Kaidan?” Shepard asked, resuming his bob along to the music.

“I don't know. I don't dance a lot.”

“Me neither.”

“No kidding.” Kaidan couldn't help giving him a teasing smirk.

“All right, Lieutenant, let's see your moves, then,” Shepard retorted with a gentle nudge. Kaidan chuckled and started moving along to the music. It was unintentional, but he was starting to bob in a similar way as Shepard. “There you go,” Shepard encouraged, now doing his arm wiggle. “You're about as good as me.”

“I certainly can't get worse,” Kaidan joked. Shepard laughed, and the two danced together through two more songs.

As they made their way back to the ship, Kaidan couldn't help notice the way Ashley was smirking at him. Like she knew some big secret. When he raised an eyebrow at her, the smile grew and her eyes darted briefly in Shepard's direction. Kaidan felt his face get hot, and Ashley's smirk grew even more.

Kaidan did end up getting a migraine later, but it almost felt worth it for those moments of terrible dancing.

[ashryder]

ASHTON RYDER | 34 | SILVER LINING MILITIA LIEUTENANT

THE BASICS Biography | Playlist | Pinterest | Connections | Thread Tracker

Full Name: Ashton Finley Ryder Nicknames: Ash, Ryder, Fin Birthday: November 3, 2091 Birthplace: Burnington Current Home: Burnington Occupation: Bartender at Hell's Gate, Silver Lining Militia Lieutenant, Former Specialist of East Atlantic Army Religion: Atheist Orientation: Asexual (sex favorable), Biromantic MBTI: ISFJ-T, The Defender (Turbulent) Enneagram: Type5 Wing6, The Troubleshooter Alignment: Lawful Neutral Zodiac: Scorpio Face Claim: Luke Mitchell . Voice Claim: Luke Mitchell (i)

THE PHYSICALS

Height: 6'1" Build: Muscular, Athletic Allergies: people beating around the bush, & lilies. Hair Colour: Dirty Blonde Eye Colour: Deep Blue, that turns deeper when he cries Glass/Contacts: none, but sometimes if his eyes are strained he has reading glasses Dominant Hand: Right, but mildly Ambidextrous Tattoos: only one, solar system running across the inside of his left forearm Scars: Too many to count, the most prominent, ugly one that never healed right is the one on his left shoulder Piercings: Earlobes and Helix on both ears Outfit Clothing Style: Sweaters, idk what else to tell you, he has no fashion sense and goes with whatever is the most comfortable things for movement or combat. At the bar, he wears whatever he's asked to wear as a uniform.

THE ADDITIONALS

Spoken Languages: English / Russian Driver’s License: yes + military license Affiliation: Silver Lining Militia Pets: Dawn - German Shepard, Military Trained, Retired

THE BIOGRAPHY TW: mentions of death, abuse, experimentations

The Ryders were a quiet small family living simple lives in Burnington, husband served in the East Atlantic Army as a command sergeant, wife helped homeschool kids in the town. They flew under the radar as much as they could, most would assume because they’re simply content with life - and they are, a handful might know they do what they can in small subtle movements of resistance. Ashton was raised as such too, joyful simple life, be grateful for what they had, helped around the house, he was a handful to deal with as a kid but never whined or demanded anything in life. Homeschooled, he usually stuck close with his mother when his father was out with his unit, doing important work to protect them all, young Ash would like to believe that as his mom would tell him. Little did he know it wasn’t in the way Ashton thought.

One day past his 13th birthday, Ash’s parents had requested him to run a few errands alone for them while they had errands to run on their own, a full day’s worth to prepare for the coming week, groceries to get, kids to teach, laundry to wash and dry, letters to deliver, it was more than his usual day of chores, but he never whined about it, doing what he was told to do. He got everything done easily, even had spare time to go play before coming back for dinner. But dinner was never made. Ashton came back to an empty home that evening, not quite sure where his parents were and when they were coming back, he sat there and waited, and waited, and waited. Until in the middle of the night a knock on the door came, someone from the army, dad’s friend, they said. Ashton didn’t really process the news, everything in and around him numbed as his hands and feet still moved, the rest of the unit came in to start picking apart what little belongings they had, and let him pack whatever else he wanted. The next thing he knew when he snapped out of the shock, was that he was within the military academy, other kids and students staring at him like fresh meat, that he held a box of all his belongings he desperately kept from his home for once in his life saying no and not letting the soldiers take away some of his parents keepsakes, that his parents were gone. And that he was all alone. 

Then came the anger. Sure they gave him food, shelter, care, but he wasn’t stupid. The reason they gave him for his parents death didn’t seem to click. Ash was looking for anything and everything to blame. The grief in him mutated into rebellion, rage and fight, it took the academy a lot to whip him into shape and submission, literally and figuratively. The uglier disciplinary acts hidden behind closed doors. They hadn’t known what else the boy knew, they had to keep him here. But everything can be fixed with time, and with time, Ashton lost the fight in him, grief growing smaller, hurting less, giving in to doing whatever they told him to, as long as it made the pain go away. He got to know the other kids his age, some orphans like him, trained alongside him, and some of the warrant officers treated him well, better than others. He learnt to accept that this was his life now. As long as it made the pain go away. Follow our orders and you’ll be safe. You’ll be fine soon. I promise. Promise? He took their word for it, and believed, like he always did. Just listen to them, do as they say, they know better. He never whined or demanded anything in life. Ashton was molded and shaped to a perfect recruit and soldier, he had the talent, grit and intelligence for it all, exceeding all expectations once he submitted and gave in to the life and hand he was dealt with. He grew into one of EAA’s finest specialists they’ve ever had, an incredible asset that stayed loyal with nowhere else to go. Ashton was desensitized to the point where he lost himself somewhere in the pool of blood he spilt and the pile of bodies he stacked up. Though underneath it all he was just the teenage boy holding a box of his family’s belongings, doing whatever he needed to do as he was told. As long as it made the pain go away.

Over the years, Ash was one of the most reliable people in the army, if you needed something done, and done right, Ashton was your guy. While he is attached to a specific unit, the higher ups oftentimes pulled him away on special fieldwork as well, more covert operations that required tact and skill, and Ash could keep a secret to his grave. He’s had practice keeping one since he was five. No one bats an eye on the way Ash bounces back on his feet whenever injuries come around. He’s just that talented! He ate well! He’s youthful, he’s got his father’s genes and talents. Ash laughs them off and prolonged pretending to still be injured if it seemed suspicious. But one of those outfield missions went awry landing Ash in critical danger for once in his life, a misstep, a mistake made. Going in and out of consciousness one step too close to death, left Ash vulnerable as he was medically cared for without being able to walk it off before it was too late. And if they hadn’t paid attention to the way he healed faster than expected, pulling him under a microscope to see the way his cells regenerated at a speed not normal for humans - perhaps he’d still be holding onto that mutant secret.

It was a gift, a breakthrough in science, if they could just study him further– everything could change in the way their soldiers healed. Lives could be saved. He was taken off duty for the time being, excuse of needing to recover before going back on the field, and instead brought to the lab of the afterglow compound and was told all those nice things, appealing to the part of Ashton who just wanted to be useful. He assumed it was an order, and simply muttered yes sir.. For months he was held there, poked and prodded, blood and cell samples taken from him, his pain thresholds and limits tested. But what made Ashton pause was the sight of others there. A view of Afterglow hidden away from his years of training here, now in full view. And it was horrific, this wasn’t the same organization he thought he gave his life and loyalty to. He thought all his life, he had been doing good. Ashton silently took whatever was done to him, etching the visual in his brain of everything that happened here, to him, to others, to his parents. Until when he was returned to serve on the field, he left the force, quietly, without fanfare, honestly surprised they let him walk free. Perhaps because they’ve squeezed every ounce of him that they possibly could to profit off of him and there was nothing left of him for them to use.

The freedom was new and foreign to him, going back to Burnington, another box clutched in his arms as he was lost on what to do. He just knew that that rage he once thought had died off or beaten into submission, was once again reignited. He quickly joined the Silver Lining Militia, finding comfort in knowing at least there were familiar faces there, proving himself and his capabilities, and most importantly his loyalty and morality. Ashton now was trying to find his footing in somewhat of a normal life, getting a normal job to feed himself, and behind the scenes sitting with the militia to try and do good, perhaps find repentance in the life and lies he’s lived.

THE HEADCANONS

Ashton was five, he was in the kitchen on a Sunday morning with his parents trying to make breakfast and proving that he’s a big strong boy now! Unfortunately it ended up in a nasty burn across his arm and face as a hot heavy pan was dropped. He did his best not to cry as a big boy now but he still did, it hurt a lot. His mother helped take care of the burn wounds and patched it up, said it’ll heal in a few days, nothing to worry about, their bodies knew how to patch itself up. And patch itself up it did, perhaps way too well. By that night when they checked on the burns they were nowhere in sight. Somehow his parents just knew at that point, told Ash that his body was just really good at healing, but they also told him that he couldn’t tell anyone about it - a secret just between them. Ashton obeyed but never really understood it until much later learning more about mutants. Yet he regretted ultimately failing in the end. Even in this still life however, he still doesn't tell just anyone about it.

After leaving the military, Ashton struggled to find a place to fit in. He didn’t know what it took to live the life most people did in Burnington anymore. He found the one thing he did learn during his time in military training, was that he always bartended or mixed drinks for his own team or during events, perhaps the one civilian skill he picked up in a non-civilian life. Gravitating to the job in a place where he keeps his eyes on only the job and nothing else, keeping talks of his past life to a minimum and instead listening to others share their woes instead. He didn’t know where else to go and needed some way to support himself while he served the militia, not willing to take any handouts from them. And besides, at least no one judges people here at Hell’s Gate, mutants alike. 

It’s been ages but there were still plenty of things he remembered of his parents, a box of their things he’s held onto ever since now tucked away safely in a drawer. Now older, it was clearer on the things they did that lightly steered away from afterglow, and of everything, Ashton felt like he can at least follow the other path after ruining the other he was walking on. Outside of his job and militia, like his mother, Ashton began helping teach homeschooled kids in his spare time, those wanting to stay out of the afterglow school system, he was taught and self-taught everything he knew, making use of EAA’s resources to study everything he could. Now he could bring that same knowledge, filtering out any biases to teach knowledge and only knowledge. He hoped his mother would’ve been proud of that at least.

The one thing Ashton has mostly kept to himself was his love and fascination with the night sky. Despite the rot and destruction of their planet, the stars stayed as pretty as he could ever remember. A vast abyss, moving along without blinking an eye to the self destruction of earth, nothing but a drop in an ocean of the universe. Ash learned all he could about the sky, the universe and astronomy, oftentimes when he wanted to be alone, he can be found on the rooftop of the academy or the compound, laying down to gaze at the sky, for once since he lost everything, this was the place he found peace again. Now he’s still looking for his best stargazing place in Burnington but he long remembered simply laying on the roof of his home with his mom as they pointed out stars, planets and constellations.

Once as a specialist, Ashton was talented in many areas within the military, but he’s best known for being a good shot, best sharpshooter they had, as well as leading stealth recon and lethal thunder runs. Ashton would be one of the first few names to pop up if you ever needed people for those. Now he hopes that those skill sets would still be useful in the Silver Lining Militia.

He has a german shepherd, Dawn, that he trained with in the EAA, elite dogs bred and trained for warfare and now to aid the military in peacekeeping, and Ashton trained with her since she was a pup. She left the force with him on the account that she was just as stubborn as her trainer and refused to listen to any other soldier and let her go with him as an early retirement.

THE WANTED CONNECTIONS

brothers & sisters-in-arms (East Atlantic Army connections) : pretty much since Ash had been tossed there, it was all he knew, training, life, relationships, he was kept closely within the army and everything he did was for them. A connection that could either be very close to Ash mentors, juniors or peers, or had friction with him in those years. Ranging from during his teenhood up until the day he left.

how to life (friends) : Ash moved from one army to another militia, always trying to find ways to fight, it was what he was good at. But finding life outside of the army was tough, remember life before the army seemed like a distant dream, he doesn’t really know how to live what may have been a normal life, as normal as life as they know it can be at least. A connection that helped him acclimate to life outside of the military, with more time to himself now despite integrating with silver lining, he had been given more freedom than he knew what to do with.

the peek behind the glow (compound/afterglow connections) : you’ll be doing great good for everyone, was the lie he was told when they sat him down at the lab, a secret he’s kept all his life now out in the open to be used for some greater good. A connection within his short stint with the afterglow science and research department, perhaps were poked and prodded alongside him or were doing the poking and prodding. 

play pretend (childhood friends) :We’re gonna build a rocket ship to Mars! Ashton as a kid was bright and full of energy, despite being an only child, his mother often felt like he had the energy of three. Taking care of him was not easy and she was thankful for the other kids around their small neighborhood that played with him. A connection of a childhood friend that grew up with him in Burnington. Perhaps they lost touch after he joined the army, perhaps they were always in contact, but they had grown up with Ashton and been through a lot together in their formative years before he was tossed to the EAA. How would they feel seeing who Ashton was right now after losing their friend to the claws of the military and seeing him come back out of the fire alive?

[average-mako-enjoyer]

I need your Kaidan opinions for the fave character game. Pwease. 😻

From the character ask game.

Oh God, I will have to change my pants by the time I'm done.

Favorite thing about them

Everything??? He's such a complex dude, and all of his complexity is shown so subtly in a way that also reflects him as a character. I love it.

But most of all, his emotional maturity, his intelligence, his self-esteem, and honestly, how incredibly badass he is.

He doesn't use Shepard as a therapist, as a fixer for his problems, as a pillar of strength to lean on. Instead, he always comes into this relationship (platonic or romantic) as an equal, and it's so refreshing to see.

Every other squadmate needs something from Shepard, and with Kaidan it's the other way around. It's Shepard who needs Kaidan, a person who will remind them that what military propaganda usually pushes as "the hardest choices a soldier can make" are actually the laziest choices.

Kaidan knows that killing is easy. Destroying is easy. But showing restraint, showing compassion, trusting someone, doing the right thing, that's hard.

Also, Kaidan is literally the only squadmate who consistently tells Shepard that they can step aside, that they don't have to do everything alone, that they have their team for a reason, and oh god, thank you Kaidan, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Least favorite thing about them

My god, he's stubborn.

And yes, Shepard needs someone like that in their close circle, but oh Kaidan, my man, my dude, my wonderful human being, you have to learn to relax, to let things go sometimes.

I think the main thing about him is that he's actually so passionate, he feels deeply, and friendship and love are so important to him, but he has trust issues, and he has standards, and he's very intelligent, and all of that runs over this deep well of emotions that he carries around.

He wants to love with abandon, but he can't. He wants to do the right thing all the time, but it's impossible. He has to learn how to compromise, how to live in the gray area.

Honestly, there are so many parallels between his and you-know-who's arc, no wonder all his fans feel so strongly about Kaidan.

Favorite line

So, so many.

"I think we're gonna need a bigger boot, Commander."

"I could shoot someone if it would make you feel better."

"Mike Hazer? Hazer the Laser? Almost didn't recognize you. ... You owe me money."

"Looking back, I have a few regrets, but not many. That's pretty damn amazing, right? Messed up kid that I was, never would have dreamed of the life I've had."

"You'll never find out."

I love his sarcastic ass. And I love all the glimpses into that deep well that is his heart. He's so good.

brOTP

Joker! Oh my God, that first dialog between them is fucking amazing. I feel like Joker is one of Kaidan's main sources of gossip (something Kaidan is interested in both professionally and recreationally), and Joker finds Kaidan's dry wit incredibly funny. They get along just fine because they enjoy teasing each other for sport, but other people probably misinterpret this as dislike. Same with him and Ash.

Also, Tali! Two nerds just talking about tech, weapon mods, all that good stuff. And he's obviously very sweet and protective of her. I really have to read about those two.

If we're talking about ME2 squadmates, his choice would obviously be Samara. I think he would've been fascinated by her story, her abilities, her lifestyle and would've hung out with her a lot. They're just very similar people in my mind, and for Kaidan, it would have been an excellent insight into the extremes of the morality he tends to lean towards.

In ME3, he probably hangs out a lot with James and Steve because he likes Steve and he can tolerate James most of the time. XD I think Kaidan and Steve have a lot in common. There's this careful quietness about them. They're both observers, they're both cautious and reserved. And I think Kaidan can see that there's kindness at the core of Steve's soul, and that's important to him.

And finally, mShenko, because whether they end up as a couple or not, they're friends first and foremost. Their romance is purely friends to lovers. Not mentor/mentee+friends to lovers, but friends to lovers. They're open and honest with each other, they care about each other deeply, they know how to tease each other without hurting anyone's feelings. They're equals.

OTP

mShenko. Oh god, it's so good. The slow burn, the maturity of it, how they don't hide behind unnecessary labels and the promises that would probably never be fulfilled. They're just there for each other despite everything, despite their time running out, and it's perfect.

Bonus points for being so obviously horny for each other.

nOTP

Kaidan/Ashley. I just think they work a lot better as friends.

Random headcanon

Kaidan doesn't really like to talk about his childhood, not because it was bad, but because he had a "rich kid's childhood", and things that were common for him throughout his life are actually quite unique and only come when you have a lot of money.

How can you casually mention your annual vacation aboard your family yacht in the company of an Earthborn orphan, a turian from Palaven, and a quarian who spent most of her life on a starship?

Also, both mShep and Kaidan enjoy being knocked around a little from time to time. So they do sparring sessions together, and this shit is _intense_.

Unpopular opinion

He does casual hookups while on shore leave like any other normal Marine. He finds a girl or a guy, fucks nasty, blows off steam, and returns to his duties.

Song i associate with them

Garbage - Control

Favorite picture of them

This one.

Thank you for this ask! I always love to talk about my man Kaidan.

[afraidofchange]

Mess | Shane @ Ash

@spectrewolf | smutty literature.

"You know, Skipper, not all of us like having a molten shower," Ashley snorts as her hand finds the dial, turning it down to a more comfortable temperature. They've been in here for a hot minute, knowing there's only a few hours before morning shift starts -- and even then, Ash spotted the stack of data pads on Shepard's desk that need attending to -- so a quick shower, and then back to bed to actually sleep.

Yet, with her back turned, Shane's hands find the curve of her waist as her lips find purchase where neck meets shoulder - a favourite spot - that elicits a sigh barely heard above the running water. They shouldn't and yet...

"Shane," Ash warns but the other woman continues anyway, sucking on the skin where she knows that a mark won't be seen above the collar of her uniform. It makes her skin shiver, sending the feeling from her neck all the way down her spine. "We've gotta be up in a few hours..."

"So? I can make it quick."

The Commander's reaction makes Ashley laugh, but before Shane can reach her earlobe, she turns around, eyeing her slightly taller lover with her hands coming to drape across her broad shoulders. "You're ridiculous."

Yet, she draws Shane into a kiss, pulling her into it by the side of her jaw. Water pelts down between them and any effort to clean up from their earlier activities has gone to the wayside. Instead, Ashley groans against Shane's mouth as she feels her hand slip between her thighs, clearly wasting no time. And not one to complain, Ashley smiles against the kiss, parting her legs just enough to allow her the space. Deft fingers press against her sex, parting her just enough to tease at her clit. Out of habit, her hips move forward, asking for more - the hand that isn't in Shane's hair guides her by the wrist until she gets it, pushing inside of her; while water so often washes natural lubricant away, this renewed arousal has more than made up for it.

While her moans are muffled by every deepening kiss, Ashley leans back against the shower wall, decidedly lifting and hooking one leg against Shane's hip, drawing her forward while allowing her to fuck her from a better angle; balance and core strength keep her upright even as Shane curls her fingers just right. The pleasure is white hot, almost as hot as the shower had been, parting from kissing Shane enough to gasp, biting down on her lip as orgasm hits her hard and fast. Breathless, not a word leaves her lips before she's kissed again.

It takes a moment - a good, long moment - before she opens her eyes again, letting the water relax her back from where the handle had jutted into it. Shane pulls out and she sighs with the sudden emptiness. "Well... you uh, you weren't kidding about making it quick," A snort leaves her, a rarity that only Shane gets to hear. She presses a kiss to the corner of Shane's mouth, brushing back sopping wet hair back from her face. "Now... lemme see if I can return the favour, just as fast, huh?"

[omniblades-and-stars]

The Way

Part i. | Part ii. | Part iii.

iii.

It’s uncanny, really. How does she always manage to show up just when things are going to the worst kind of shit and everything seems like it’s going to burn to the ground?

She’s like that. A beacon of hope.

It’s in the way that she holds herself like a respectable, serious soldier when she’s dealing with his people. When he sees her, on the very same moon he’s fighting for his life on of all places, talking to General Corinthus, he couldn’t be more proud.

She’s stoic, reserved, her shoulders are squared back, not threatening, she’s just standing like soldiers are expected to. Her gaze never leaves Corinthus while she is speaking to him. “Just tell me where to find Victus, and I’ll do it,” she says matter-of-fact. Because she’s the kind of woman who just gets things done, even when it’s not even close to her job to do it.

She waits until they’re far out of earshot of any soldiers high enough in the chain-of-command to care before she drops the hardened soldier act. “Garrus, I was so worried I wouldn’t see you again. When they hit Earth … It was so much worse than I thought it would be.”

And he knows she’s under exaggerating, because she thought it was going to be bad, but the catch in her voice tells him everything he needs to know.

The situation on Earth is as bad, or worse, as Palaven.

And she almost didn’t make it out.

It's in the way that she missed him. The very second the Primarch is settled in and she's dealt with … whatever's going on with EDI, she strides into the gun battery and locks the door. She's already shrugging out of her dress blues before he can even turn around. One of her shoes goes flying somewhere past his head as she hops up and down, kicking her legs to get out of her pants. She looks ridiculous. 

"You'd think the Alliance could spring for fabric that isn't a nightmare for the dress uniforms, but it's like they actually paid extra to have the itchiness sewn right in."

"What are you doing, Shepard?" He asks while chuckling and reaching for the clasps on his armor. He knows, because it's not like she's being subtle.

She has a lot of strong suits, but subtlety isn't one of them.

She stops her hopping, the leg of her pants is stuck on her foot, and she smiles. "I've been stuck in a room for six months. If you think that I'm going to wait a second longer to touch you again, you've lost your damn mind. You're lucky I waited this long. Your human girlfriend was this close to causing an intergalactic incident by jumping you in the middle of a tactical meeting with high ranking officers." She manages to yank herself free of the pant leg, her sock going along with it.

He's pretty sure he'll never get used to her calling herself his girlfriend. 

"There are worse ways to cause a diplomatic nightmare," he says as the pieces of his armor fall to the ground. He's not generally so blasé about his gear, but … Well …

If you had the Commander Shepard stripping in your quarters, you wouldn't care about scratches or dents on your chest plate either, now would you?

She pushes him to the cot he's set up in the battery and climbs onto his lap. Her hands are all over him, and his are all over her. Her arms are bigger, he notices. In fact, it seems like she's bulked up a little all over. Not that she was ever a small-framed woman, but he can tell she’s been working on what she used to joke with Ash and Kaidan about as “glamor muscles”.

He likes it.

She must notice how he's touching her because she says, "Didn't have a lot to occupy myself with, so I spent a lot of time working out with James." Her explanation is broken up by the kisses she's planting all over his face and neck.

"Oh, so you spent a lot of time with Vega, huh? He seems … nice," Garrus teases. He knows he has nothing to worry about. Shepard isn't that kind of girl. "Attractive, for a human."

"Who, James? Sure, he's cute, in the way a lost puppy's cute." She presses her forehead to his and smiles against his mouth, "He's a beefcake, but lucky for you, Garrus Vakarian, I prefer my men … bony." She flicks one of his plates for emphasis.

"So you still think you're funny?" He chuckles into her neck.

"I know I'm funny," she answers smugly.  But then she grows quiet and still, and he looks up at her to see that her brows are knit together. She's chewing on her lip, and it looks like she's holding back tears. "Missed you, Big Guy," she says quietly. 

"Spirits, I missed you too." Understatement of a lifetime, he thinks. 

She presses herself against him, somehow getting closer despite how she was already against him, and she sighs. She's clinging to him with her whole body, and she's so warm and he's missed her so much he never wants to let go.

This time is slow and sweet. They just need to touch.

It’s in the way she stands on her principles, even in the face of a galaxy that is telling her, “No, that’s insane!” He's not there when she marches back into the conference room to give the Dalatrass a piece of her mind.

But he hears about it. Primarch Victus recounts it dryly, with very little detail. His version is probably closer to the truth, but Wrex's version is far more entertaining. 

"So she stomps back in there and lifts the Dalatrass by her robes and shouts, 'Don't you think your people have done enough to fuck up the galaxy? Now I'm going to fix your mistakes, bitch.' And then she headbutts her," Wrex retells the story with incredible, bombastic exaggeration (and several outright lies). "If I didn't know any better, I'd think she was a tiny krogan herself. She's got quad." He has to agree, she is ballsy.

Garrus is pretty sure Shepard did not headbutt the salarian Dalatrass.

Spirits, he hopes she didn't headbutt the salarian Dalatrass. 

It's in the way she mourns. She's red-faced, while gut wrenching sobs wrack her body as she stands with her forehead pressed against the memorial wall on the crew deck. She's holding a plaque bearing the name "Thane Krios" in her hands. She tried to slide it next to Mordin's but her hands are shaking so badly that she's given up.

"They should have had more time," she says barely above a whisper. "Mordin, Thane … fuck," her voice cracks and he turns her so she can bury her head against his chest. The plaque goes crashing to the ground and she clutches at whatever handholds she can find on his armor. "He should have had more time with Kolyat."

Thane's death hits her hard. Not only because they were friends, though they were close. Her parents died when she was a teenager. She mourns for the pain Kolyat feels as much as her own. It's a pain she knows all too well.

Garrus understands. There's never enough time with them.

He misses his mom.

It's in the way that her reckless disregard for her own life drives him insane. She jumps into an untested diving mech without a second thought and disappears beneath the surface before he can utter more than a sentence begging her not to.

The waiting makes him crazy. She's not responding on the hailing frequency. And they literally have no way to mount a rescue if something's gone wrong. He's so tense he might just start taking potshots at the crashed cruiser they've landed on. He's pacing, Ash is pacing, and Cortez is desperately trying, and unfortunately failing, to keep the two of them level headed about it.

At least there's occasional drops of Reaper troops to keep him somewhat occupied. He's seconds away from leaping into the water himself.

And then another pulse happens, and the waters around them start to wave. And as if he has not already seen enough once-in-a-lifetime crazy things for several lifetimes, he sees something to top them all. Rising from the water is an enormous creature that looks eerily similar to some of the Reaper ships.

And then another.

And then another.

He's not sure what Shepard is doing under there, but it has to be "batshit" insane, as she would call it. Because what's happening topside is damn near incomprehensible. On top of the sea monsters leaving the ocean and taking to space flight right before his very confused eyes, the remaining Reaper forces are turning on each other, suddenly oblivious to their presence.

Minutes later the mech bursts up from the depths and Shepard stumbles out, and immediately loses consciousness. She comes back to in the shuttle, there is blood all over the lower part of her mouth smeared from the intense nosebleed she must have had. 

"Shepard, are you alright?" he asks, grasping her shoulders. His grasp on his sanity is slipping and the longer she doesn't answer, the closer he comes actually flipping out. 

She coughs and then smiles, it looks a little delirious, too goofy to be appropriate for what's been happening. "Yeah … yeah. Just um … just partied too hard with the ultra-ancient progenitors of the Reapers. Worked out though."

He's so relieved, so charmed by her ability to laugh even in the face of the impossible, and so, so very upset with her. He pulls her into his arms, and she's all but dead weight still. "Never do that again," he says into her hair. He wishes he never had to let go. 

"You say that like I'm always doing insane deep sea dives."

"Shepard," he groans.

"You know I can't promise not to take risks like that, Garrus. But … I'll try to be smarter about it."

He knows it's really all he can ask. It still drives him crazy. 

It's in the way she does the impossible again and again. The quarians and the geth seem intent on killing each other and destroying themselves in the process. But then she's standing between Legion and Tali, and she does it. She convinces the quarian fleet to stop their offensive and just like that … a battle hundreds of years in the making is over.

Legion is gone, but the rest of the geth are offering to help with the fight against the Reapers and to help the quarians rebuild their homeworld.

And so quarians have their homeworld again. All in a day's work, apparently. 

Tali takes off her helmet. She breathes the unfiltered air of the home she never thought she would have. She feels the wind on her uncovered face.

She is home.

How can one woman be at the center of so much good in the galaxy? She puts everything she's got into making the universe a better place.

And more confounding of all, why does she want to be with him?

He doesn't understand it, but Spirits, he's glad she does.

It's in the way that she sleeps. She curls around his body and throws a leg over him, trapping him beneath her sleep-deadened weight. He doesn't mind it. In fact, he cherishes it.

She holds him tighter when she has the nightmares. And they come more and more often. Her hands twitch like she's trying to grab something, and she whispers, "I'm sorry," in a barely intelligible slur. Thessia hit her hard. 

There are nights, rare though they are, where she sleeps peacefully. He manages to pry himself free without waking her to get something to drink. When he returns from the bathroom, she's sprawled out, her hair fanned out over her pillow, and quite frankly, a tangled mess.

The soft blue light from the aquarium plays over her skin, and Spirits, she just looks so soft. Even in the midst of all of this terror, the heartbreak, the impossible odds, his heart is full.

He sends her a message:

It's late. Just got up for some water. You're still asleep. Wanted to say how beautiful I think you are. Love G

When he carefully crawls back into the bed, she immediately curls back around him, trapping him beneath her sleep-deadened weight. He doesn't mind it. 

Spirits, he cherishes this. 

It's in the way she looks in that dress. Hot damn. He finds her fighting for her life at a car lot of all places, and seriously … damn. Distracting does not even begin to cover it.

"My eyes are up here, Big Guy," she says with a wide grin as she points at her chest. It's clear from the flush igniting down past the low cut neck of the dress that she is thinking about all the things she wants him to do to her in it. He is too.

That confidence is still apparent when they come face to face with her clone (yet another thing to add to the list of impossible things he's seen in the recent days.) He's not sure he's ever going to be able to recover from that shock. 

"I’m Commander Shepard, I never hide," Fake Shepard says with a voice that does not belong to her. 

Real Shepard, his Shepard, looks up at the her standing the next floor up, and then down at her own armored chest before cracking a ridiculous, toothy grin. "Nah, my rack is way better. No one would ever fall for it." Like she is absolutely unphased by the revelation that she has a clone and that clone is trying to kill her and usurp her life. "Bet I'm a better dancer too."

Literally everybody groans.

She's not even phased by being trapped in a dense, metal vault with quickly evaporating oxygen. She's just mad that her clone quoted her.

"I don't sound like that," she says obstinately.

"Yes, you do, Shepard," Garrus and Wrex say simultaneously.

She crosses her arms, "No, I do not. I'm way cooler. I always say, "Talk to ya later," leave 'em wanting more because I don't. And cause they get a good look at my bangin’ ass as I walk away."

"You've literally never said that. And you do talk to them again."

"Shepard, as fun as this is, how are we going to get out of here? I'm not dying in this tube," Wrex cuts in.

"Oh, right. Glyph!"

She's still arguing about how she ends conversations as they race to save the Normandy from … her.

It's in the way finally, finally he renders her a stuttering, nervous wreck on the dance floor. She swears she'll get revenge. Absolutely worth it to see her blushing in that dress again.

They barely make it back to the apartment. The dress does not survive. 

It's in the way that her mercy has limits. It's too much, the pressure, the anger, the pain is boiling over, he can tell that it's about to come exploding out of her like the blast from a nuclear warhead as they move through Cronos Station.

Unfortunately, reality still exists outside of her apartment, and they have to get back into the fight again.

And then Kai Leng makes the very stupid mistake of trying to catch her with her guard down.

Shepard breaks his stupid, impractical sword, before she grabs him by the collar of his armor. She throws him to the ground and she burns with raging, electric blue fire. She's on top of him in a flash, screaming as she pulverizes him with her fists.

"Is there nothing human left in you? How could you see what happened on Thessia because of you and not know that you're the one who's wrong? I could have stopped all of this so much earlier!" She's shaking the man, who is barely holding onto the tethers of life. She punches him square against the temple, Garrus can hear something crack. "For Thessia."

Then she reaches for the broken remnants of the assassin's blade and drives it hard into his chest. "For Thane, you son of a bitch. Go to hell," she growls and then spits in his face as he dies. It’s shockingly disrespectful.

Garrus has never seen her so angry. She looks wild, her eyes are wide, frantic, her chest heaves, and tears fall as she catches her breath.

Maybe it says something unflattering about him, but he doesn't care, he's proud of her. The man deserved much worse than that.

It's in the way they say goodbye. He hopes it's not goodbye, he has faith in their chances.

He has faith in her.

"We're going to do this together, Vakarian. Like we were always meant to. So you'd better learn to duck," she says with a half smile. Her eyes are wet, and her voice is right on the verge of breaking.

"Sorry, turians don't know how. But I'll improvise. " She grips his hands tight. "Forgive the insubordination, but your boyfriend has an order for you: Come back alive. It'd be an awfully empty galaxy without you." They hold each other, and she presses a kiss to his mouth.  Tears spill over, and he can taste them. 

"If I don't make it out of this, just … you're never alone, alright? I'll be watching you from somewhere up there."

He says, “Never,” because it’s what she needs to hear. But he knows that a galaxy without her in it is not a galaxy he wants to live in.

During the push to get to the transport beam, his worst fears come hurtling into reality. An IFV explodes, practically right on top of him. Ducking probably would not have helped. Shepard’s calling in an evac before he regains his senses. She and Javik are helping to carry him to the Normandy’s waiting cargo bay.

“Go! You have to get out of here!” she shouts over the earth shattering sound of Reaper laser fire.

“And you’ve got to be kidding me!” he shouts back. His heart is pounding, cold fear clenches his gut.

She shakes her head, “Don’t argue, Garrus. I have to do this.”

“We’re in this until the end.” 

They’re supposed to do this together.

Her hand is caressing his face, and it takes everything he has not to just grab her by the arms and pull her onto the ship with him. “No matter what happens here, you know I love you. I always will.”

“Shepard, I … love you too.”

“Go!” she shouts as she sprints away to go do the most reckless, dangerous, suicidal, brave, selfless, heroic thing any person in the known universe has ever done.

And it breaks his heart.

It's in the way she’s victorious. His heart is broken and it hurts worse than the pain from his injury. But at the same time, his heart is full of pride.

She's done it.

For years they've fought this battle. And as that terrifying red beam chases the Normandy through the relay, he knows that she's done it. Maybe it cost her her life (they don't know yet), but she has defeated an enemy so powerful, so huge, that it was supposed to be impossible.

Shepard has done the impossible …

Again.

When the Normandy crash lands, it's not as bad as they all worried. EDI is gone, and that's heartbreaking too. But the crew is able to get the Normandy in the air again with a few days of hard work.

There's destruction everywhere. The mass relays are all damaged or destroyed.

But the Reapers are really gone. For good.

She did it. He always knew she would.

It's in the way he has hope. Garrus is a lot of things, a failed C-Sec detective and vigilante, and he knows now, a hero (her influence, of course). But no one has ever accused him of being an optimist.

But as he stands before the memorial wall on the Normandy, holding the plaque with her name, all he can think is, "No, she's not dead." He knows his girl, and his girl is a survivor.

They're going to make it back to Earth. They're going to be able to rebuild, repair, and flourish.

And he's going to be together with her again.

She makes it easy to hope.

It’s in the way she survives.

[wispythreads]

Replaying Mass Effect 1 Thoughts

Prologue (Female Shepard, Spacer, Sole Survivor, Infiltrator, Paragon-ish):

I'm again wishing for a version of events where Nihlus's plan is what actually occurs in the game, through him somehow surviving Saren... he seemed really cool, I really would've liked to have learned more about him.

fuck it's been long enough that the creepy bits of Eden Prime are still fucking creepy holy hell

What do you mean Ashely can't wear heavy armor yet???

Kaidan... Um... *wrapping in bubble wrap* ... *assesses* ... *wraps off one more layer for good measure* let's try to stop you from dying so much, yeah?

The Citadel - Expose Saren:

Preaching Hanar vs. Very Tired C-Sec Turian who cannot understand why anyone would be acting outside a rule-abiding, orderly manner is still such a fun little quick and easy quest. "Bro I get it just take the credits you need for a license."

GarrusGarrusGarrusGarrusGarrusGarrusGarrusGarrusGarrus!!!!!

God my Salarian bias is already showing we're barely in this game. Chorban is cute.

Hey a named Turian in this bar can I talk to you? *Attempts to interact, nothing happens* No... ok. *loops around again after conducting business, walks past him* "She left me. Just like that." (said in this most mournful, sad, pathetic voice) Ooooh my god =< (wish I could just. Turn around and give him some company for a bit.)

(Picking up Garrus from the Med Clinic, right after he responds to me asking "Why do you want to take down Saren?") He sounds so mad and so personally offended that he couldn't find anything about Saren during his investigation, I don't mean it in a demeaning way but I want to laugh listening to him.

I get +2 Renegade just because I told Garrus he had a nice shot- y'know what worth it. He did. Yeah it was dangerous but what else was he gonna do? It looked sick and he looked sick doing it.

What do you mean Garrus can't wear medium armor yet?!?!

How often does my poor paragon Shepard wince as total strangers immediately bring up Akuze and how remarkable it was that she survived, while trying to keep her friendly smile now plastered on her face? How uncomfortable it must be, for every new acquaintance to immediately remind you of the worst moment of your life, a moment you’d never want to go through ever again. How often does she have nightmares about it, especially considering how it seems no one will let her forget?

"Holy shit maybe veteran mode has some kick to it. Jesus my poor guys." (The bar fight was. Not great. A lot of enemies coming on either side with minimal cover for everyone. Garrus and Wrex went down fast multiple times before I finally got the hang of coordinating attacks and giving out orders)

Misc. Citadel Quests:

"You're with the Alliance? My brother's a private back on earth!" Hey yeah I remember you hello again :) wait your voice sounds like I've heard it from somewhere outside Mass Effect, where have I- !!! Tandi!! Hello hello!!

She is too close too close there is no need for this personal space personal space back OFF (just. Seizing up all stiff-like and uncomfortable. There is no need for the Consort to get up on me like that while trying to get me to help her.)

I feel bad making Paragon responses during personal talks with Garrus in Normandy. Especially the very first one: "Maybe I'll finally be able to do what I want for a change" being met with such a harsh "If you put innocents at risk than no, we do things the right way, not the fast way, got it?" like… I still have his "I wasn't- yes, Commander." echoing in my head, like that's not what I meant by "maybe." Garrus has a point, sometimes rules get in the way of being able to do the right thing, and as long as we're on the same page about that and respect that there's a reason there are rules in the first place, we're golden.

(Jenna Quest) Chellick getting mad at Shepard and going "with all due respect Shepard what the hell were you thinking?" is 100% appropriate, I was also just head in my hands seeing there were no discreet options for Shepard to address Jenna with. "You could've blown Jenna's cover!" - Me and Chellik shaking Shepard by the shoulders. Garrus you were right with me, why didn't you say something? You should know better!

(Getting flashbacks to the friendzone quickly dragging me into the romance zone like quicksand Kaidan I like you but not like that stop game I chose "Yeah I do talk with everyone like this" don't still make it seem like I'm flirting with the man by adding "I don't always enjoy it with everyone" bro!!!)

Feros:

… Everyone is acting incredibly suspicious around this camp. Me asking for a little bit of information about the colony only to constantly be redirected to speak with the leader about it in either a firm or nervous way… Fai Dan and Arcelia when I say the colonists are acting strange I'm not talking about the obvious PTSD of civilians thrust into a warzone, I'm talking about how no one is willing to look me in the eye and talk to me about the colony they're all a part of, as if they're not allowed to, as if they might let something slip that they shouldn't.

(I completely forgot about the details of the Thorian plot. Thanks brain, for once your terrible memory gave me a benefit, allowing me to relive something cool again.)

Misc. Quests again:

The last two worlds I went on (Amaranthine and the moon Presrop) were both absolutely gorgeous??? I was only there for a short sidequest???

(Finished all the side quests I could find on my own (including Tali + Wrex + Garrus's personal quests) and returning to the Citadel to find the last Keeper needing to be scan/tell Garoth his brother is dead) Ok I've got a lot of equipment and a lot of money. Can I please have some decent armor for Garrus finally so that he stops dying on me? (Morlan's Famous Shop) Huh. Mercenary armor for turians? I wonder what red looks like on Garrus. (buys it, equips it) Holy shit that looks cool!!

I'm very sorry for your loss, Garoth, I wish I could've been the bearer of good ne- I KNEW you were in the Citadel Tower! (Scanned the last keeper. Happy victory music.)

Noveria:

Garrus: Commander, we should bring Liara with us. If anyone would know about her mother, it'd be her. Me: Story-wise, yes, it'd make more sense to bring Liara. But then I'd have to leave either you or Wrex on the ship =( (I'm planning on actually doing a run with my biotic pure paragon m!shephard with Liara and Tali as my designated squad mates later)

"Lorik you are so very fun to talk with :)" Him trying to use a human expression that just doesn't sound right, either because it's one I haven't heard or is just too far off from what he's trying to allude to, "fly in the lotion." Asking me to "try not to get blood on the carpet," commenting about how "humans are so full of questions, I should write a book about it while I've got the time," and ""Let me go?" Do humans view conversation as a form of imprisonment? Maybe that's why so few are willing to stop and sit down…" he's neat I like 'im.

Omfg Anoleis is such a fucking asshole. Salarian bias does still make it very funny to listen to him, rather than upsetting. His fast "Yes, what? What?" as he's being interrupted from whatever business he was doing by his secretary. Him jumping to the conclusion that because I'm a spacer I'm a tax dodger like holy hell dude. Say you're a massive hater without saying you're a hater my god.

After getting ambushed by Geth in the Garage: "Shepard, what did you do?!" ???? "Defended myself?" I love how offended Shepard gets in response we're on the same page like what do you mean, "What did I do???" You think I wanted to be killed by Geth?

Maybe unpopular opinion here but I think it is absolute bullshit that Benevia has to die no matter what. You bring Liara with you? Cool, does nothing. She'll still die, it'll just maybe end up a little more emotional. I don't think enough had happened to really justify her being beyond salvation.

Geth Incursion Side Mission:

Here's the great thing about Wrex: I can be extremely weary and tired and done with the endless waves of enemies, wanting it all to be over already, and then suddenly he'll pipe up with a deep, gravelly, EARNEST laugh and make some comment about how much he's enjoying himself, how much he's going to miss this once the fighting is over, and I'll let the weariness wash off my back and give him a tired smile. Alright. I can handle one more fight.

Virmire:

… (takes deep breath after killing the indoctrinated private Menos Avot that had been pleading to be set free) … He was doomed either way. If I didn't let him out, he'd die in the explosion. It's better to try and save him and be forced to defend myself than to ensure he'd die. It'll be ok.

… I really, really do want to save Kaidan, but that's just… how this goes logically in my head. Ashley feels like she should go with the Salarians, and… and that's a lot more lives that need saving. But god does it suck. How accepting he is of the end. Watching him continuing to struggle against the oncoming Geth, wounded, pressed right up against the bomb that's going to nuke everything around him, watching as the Normandy flies away. And Shepard watching, seeing the explosion for herself. A life she and I chose to die. And the music afterword... it still makes me feel very melancholic and depressed jeez… (the pure!paragon m!shepard will have Kaidan live. I need one playthrough at least that has him survive, even if this path is the one that makes the most sense to me)

Endgame Time Let's Go Woot!

Got myself ungrounded from the Citadel, and I'm endeared by Garrus's little anxious "I can't believe we stole the Normandy…!" Because y'know what, yeah, after I've been playing a very by the book character that he was just a couple missions ago coming around to the idea of and realizing, 'yeah, I am hot headed, and just because it's not the fastest doesn't mean I shouldn't be playing by the rules, I'll get back on C-Sec and become a Spectre,' he has every right to then be asking "After everything you told me… it seems a bit extreme, doesn't it…?" Gosh he wants to be a badass rebel but he is in reality a gosh darn nerd. (said very lovingly)

!!!! AHHHH GET AWAY FROM ME GETAWAYGETAWAYGETAWAY!!!!!!!!!!!! (The reanimated Saren corpse crawling at me on all fours had a. slightly more viscerally horrified reaction than I thought would happen as soon as the game cut from the cinematic back to gameplay.)

Final Thoughts:

I honestly think this game holds up really well for how old it is. There was an annoying glitch on Noveria that made itself known again on Ilos, blocking out interactable objects and moving characters with literal black blocks, but that was an easy fix and didn't effect the actual gameplay too badly.

The art is phenomenal, the combination of artistic choices and lighting and sound design and music scratches that very good itch of what I enjoy about sci-fi. Really great characters, great set up and pay-off in the story, great ending, just a fun time all around.

[lonesurvivorao3]

Dossier: Eris Shepard #1

Earthborn bastard of Admiral Hackett, who is not a nice man. In 2175, he discovers her relationship with Kaidan.

Eris knew Hackett was old money, but seeing it firsthand was something else. After the brute of a Turian took his talon from the bundle of nerves at her elbow, she looked around. Shaking off the pain, her rapt attention on his extensive collection of books was only partly feigned.

“I believe congratulations are in order on your recent completion of the N7 trials.”

She arched an eyebrow. The butler offered her a cigarette, and she took it, allowing him to light it. She met her father’s unrelenting stare and asked. “Do you bring all your bastards to their ancestral home?”

Hackett settled further into his chair, unperturbed. “You’re not some sentimental spacer or colonist; you don’t dither over moral quandaries; you see what needs to be done and do it.”

After a long pull on the cigarette, Eris shrugged.

“The things you have achieved so far are remarkable. I would like to see you continue on this trajectory.”

Neither broke eye contact as she mulled over his calculated, flattering remarks; she flicked cigarette ash onto the parquet floor and threw him her own shark shit grin. “Spare me, and get to the fucking point.”

Most of their Black Ops were orphans, their solitary and untethered status making them ideal candidates. They were fearless, having long abandoned any sense of virtue or morality. Their deaths, often gruesome, elicited no public outcry.

The recent news of her fraternisation - that stretched back two damn years - was a problem Hackett needed to fix. “When a rising star in my ranks breaks their usual patterns, I must ascertain why.”

He knows. Eris laughed, evading rather than admitting. “So I like to blow steam off with a familiar face, what of it?” They were no longer, and likely never would be, in the same chain of command again.

He told her she was lucky it had gone undetected for so long, watching her hand tremble a little as she reached for the glass of bourbon, a clear sign of her stupid temper rising. Good. Hackett leaned forward. “Pay attention, Shepard.”