#asks a gay couple snogging on the street

[patrice-bergerons]

Losing my mind a little thinking about what sex, should they choose to have it, would be like for Aziraphale and Crowley given that the physiology of their not exactly human bodies is at least in part dictated by what they believe it to be.

Let me unpack: sure, while on earth their bodies do operate within a human paradigm to some extent. (Hence Aziraphale's fear of getting discorporated should his head be chopped off.) But at the same time, for one, they aren't exactly human -- they don't have to eat or drink or sleep and the laudanum does not kill Crowley.

More importantly though, Crowley can drive thru a literal ring of fire in a burning car and be fine because as God tells us, he has an imagination--he decides it will be okay and so it is.

And sex is so alien a concept to them both and not something you generally observe other people doing. So even if they are crawling up the walls with the need to know one another they would have no clue what it is they are exactly supposed to do to begin with. (I am not even sure it would have occurred to them to add genitalia to their bodies until they start to explore this romance between the two of them.)

They are also both such stubborn bastards. Thus sex would likely be the two of them doing "research", coming to some wildly inaccurate conclusion(s), and then insisting yeah no this is really how it works.

And even if thru much vexation and trial and error they come to something close to human sex and something they enjoy, on the margin, the mechanics of it would be somewhat different than how real humans have sex, because there is no one there to give them notes. And they would both absolutely believe they are doing it right.

(I also really want Crowley to take the "bigger the better" adage to heart and come to Aziraphale with a hard dick he made to be a whole metre long only for an unimpressed Aziraphale to go "and what exactly do you expect me to do with this, my dearest?? should I unhinge my jaw like a snake???")

[anticomedygarden]

adventure

-

cw: drinking

-

"Where are you two taking us?" Sirius asked breathlessly from a few paces back. "I don't think I've ever even been to this part of Diagon Alley."

"Be patient, mon frere, and you'll find out soon," James answered. He and Peter had been planning this night for weeks, and James would not have it ruined because of some whining.

"If we don't get there soon, I'm going home," Remus declared, and James didn't doubt for a second that he was lying. This outing was seriously cutting into their sitting around being sappy time.

But James did understand where he was coming from. As a gay couple involving a halfblood werewolf and a disowned pureblood, there weren't many places they could be open with each other, and the middle of a busy street in wizard London wasn't one of them. Currently, Remus and Sirius were walking side by side, hands carefully not touching but still in reach of the other's. It wasn't an experience James could ever fully understand in his relationship with Lily, but he could damn well make it easier for them.

Which was how the four marauders found themselves in front of a rather nondescript door tucked into the far side of Diagon Alley.

A little flap opened at eye level, and a pair of dark brown eyes looked out. "Password," they demanded.

"Oscar Wilde," James said.

Without another word, the door swung open, and they filed in, Remus and Sirius both taking a skeptical look around before stepping over the threshold.

"Follow me, please," a rather short person with a pink pixie cut and a name tag reading Venus said.

"James, where the hell are we?" Sirius asked, pulling his leather jacket tighter against the chilly tunnel.  

James just shushed him.

Venus led the group through a dark tunnel to another door, this one painted in a bright rainbow.

Remus made a noise of understanding, and Sirius gasped. "Is this what I think it is?" he said excitedly.

James and Peter shared a smile. "Maybe."

Sirius squealed and grabbed Remus' hand tightly. "Open the door, please!"

Venus took out their wand and whispered an incantation James didn't quite catch, and the brightly colored door fell open, revealing a large room thronging with people of every color of the rainbow, drag queens, queer teens, and everything in between. To the right, a man in a white tank top and jeans was snogging someone with a truly brilliant green mohawk.

Sirius gave a shriek of, "Re!" before dragging his boyfriend out onto the dance floor, but not before Remus turned back to James and mouthed thank you.

"That's my favorite part of the job," Venus said once Peter had started towards the bar.

"Yeah?" James prompted.

They nodded. "Never gets old." Then, they turned to go back the way they'd came, closing the rainbow door behind them, and James went to join Peter at the bar.

"Hey, guess what I'm drinking," Peter said, grinning.

James looked at the clear liquid in the glass topped with a little pink umbrella. "Vodka?"

"A vodka dyke," he giggled. He peered out onto the dance floor and snorted. "Looks like they're having fun."

James followed his eyes to where Remus and Sirius were already grinding on each other. "Looks like." He smiled. "I'm really glad we could do this."

Peter nodded. "Me, too." He took another sip of his drink. "What's this place called, again?"

James grinned; that was the best part. "The Rainbow Adventure."

-

word count: 582 @wolfstarmicrofic

[stxrshxpxd]

red wine x 1990!damon

Pairing: 1990 damon albarn x reader

Word count: 1.064

Warnings: none

* * *

“Red wine suits you. You look exceptionally sexy when you drink red wine,” Damon mumbled, sounding sophisticated and intelligent despite the slur in his voice. I smiled and looked down on the wine glass in my hand and then traced my gaze back towards Damon where he was almost fully laying down on my bed with his elbows lazily propped up behind him for support. His chest looked broad and his chin was pressing into the top of it. They were playing New Order in the living room and he was bobbing his head along to the muffled music.

“You look exceptionally sexy drinking beer.”

“I know,” he answered with a dorky smile and groggily half closed eyes. There was an almost finished dark green bottle in his right hand. The beer was probably warm by now.

I gave a short chuckle. That type of confidence was typical, and admirable, of Damon. To please him I took a big sip of my wine and sensually licked my lips as I leaned back to lay on my side next to him. His eyes were still groggily half closed and he was breathing calmly. He looked content, happy even.

Someone had gotten hold of the record player and changed it to The Stone Roses, and turned the volume way up.

‘When the streets are cold and lonely, and the cars they burn below me, are you all alone? Is anybody home?’

Ian’s voice broke through my closed door and barely even sounded muffled anymore.

“Shall we resume to the party?” I asked, my nose now touching Damon’s. It wasn’t exactly a party, but it was the first word that came to mind and the wine was making it harder for me to find a better one. It was more so a gathering of friends, with an unbalanced volume-of-music to amount-of-people ratio. Outside in the lounge were my three roommates, the boyfriend of one of them, one friend of mine from work, and Graham. The music was pulsating through the apartment. I didn’t mind too much, as I liked the song, but it was rather unfitting for our event.

“I suppose,” Damon said but made no effort to stand. I smiled and we both went in for a kiss at the same time.

Damon and I always somehow happened to find our own corner for a while during parties. It was something our friends liked to jokingly complain about. We hadn’t even closed the door ourselves this time though. My roommate had when she’d seen us in the middle of an innocent kiss. We had seen it as an opportunity to stay for a while, talking and humming and kissing and discussing the choice of music trickling into my room from the lounge.

“Come on then,” I whispered. I managed to pull Damon up without spilling all my wine over me.

I wandered out of my room with Damon behind me, holding his hand loosely.

“God, have you all collectively lost your hearing or something?” I yelled over the music and turned it down as I passed the record player.

They all ignored me or gave halfhearted snide answers. Made of Stone passed over onto the intro of Shoot You Down as Damon let go of my hand and went to sit next to Graham on the armrest of our large sofa. I sat on the other side of Graham and mindlessly sprawled my arms out on top of the backrest. I let my fingertips graze the outside of Damon’s bare forearm and I felt him gently pet the inside of mine. It took a long good while until I forced myself out of my Damon bubble and listened to the conversation in the room.

“Oh, Alex is a good kisser,” Jason, my friend from work, stated with a smirk. The conversation had clearly been leading up to an opportunity for him and he’d taken it. I could tell he had been waiting for the perfect time to announce that, and the most casual yet shock-inducing way to do it in.

Jason was about as gay as you could get and ever since the first time he saw Alex across the room in a pub he hadn’t shut up about him. Alex was soon made aware of his crush and it had quickly grown into an inside joke in our friend group.

Had there not been music playing the apartment would’ve been dead silent for a moment as we all dropped our jaws and stared at Jason’s proud grin.

“No way. Finally tricked him into a snog, huh?” Olivia, one of my roommates, said and sat up on the very edge of her seat. Her hand was holding his boyfriend’s knee, and I was made aware of Damon’s light caressing again.

“He’s been wanting it forever. I finally gave in,” Jason sighed with an exaggerated roll of the eyes, followed by a giggle and a break of character.

“How drunk was he?” Damon asked with a laugh in his throat and an amused grin on his lips. I looked at him for a split second and then glanced back down at Jason who was sitting with his legs crossed on a large cushion on the floor.

“Oh, couldn’t stand,” Jason answered and we all laughed. “It was magical anyway. I could talk about his tongue for days.”

“Oh, tongue? Just how lucky did you get, Jase?” I asked, pulling my hand away from Damon’s arm to put my palm up to the top of my chest and utter a shocked playful gasp.

“I only got to touch his leg for a minute, then he fell asleep mid-kiss,” he admitted and lost some of his pride as he deflated his chest a tad. We all joined in a few chuckling aw:s. Jason quickly regained his remarkable confidence though and insisted it was a successful pull as he would always remember the wonderful taste of Alex’s sloppy drunk kiss.

I turned my head back to look at Damon again and he completed the eye contact as I reconnected our arms. I took a sip from my wine and Damon smiled.

We stayed up for another few hours listening to music and talking and laughing, until there were a couple loud knocks at the wall from the next apartment, and we had to bring the party to an end.

[holyfuckthisfishcandrive]

Marrige and Obliviousness

First, Previous, Ao3

Word count: 1883

Warnings: implied past trauma, alcohol mention and they’re so oblivious it hurts

I have no idea how weddings work. Never been to one, especially not a church wedding! I'm sorry for the inaccuracies! I'm just guessing here and loosely basing this on the wedding in Sherlock and it's been forever since I've watched that.

"Do I look alright?"

Virgil glanced up from his phone.

"Yeah, I guess," he shrugged.

"I mean it," Logan insisted. "Do I look good?"

"Your boyfriend will like it. Relax."

"He's not my boyfriend. And I simply want to look good for this wedding. I want to make a good first impression on these people."

"You rescheduled a raid for a highly dangerous chemical so you could come and you're worried about what they'll think? And he's totally your boyfriend. You're just both too stupid to realize. Maybe you should just propose to him today. Steal the show a little."

Logan scoffed. "Can you take this serious, please? I will do no such thing! Is my tie straight?"

"Nothing in this house is straight," Virgil glanced up again. "Except for your tie."

Logan halted in his movement. "Wait, did you just come out to me?"

"i- Yeah, I guess. Haven't I before?"

"No. No, you haven't."

"Oh. I'm gay."

"That's great, buddy. I support you," Logan went over to him and ruffled his hair.

"I really never told you?"

"No, you haven't."

"Huh. Can I order Chinese for tonight?"

"If you want to. Sure, you can," Logan noticed the look on Virgil's face. "Do you want me to order for you?"

"That would be nice," Virgil said in a small voice.

"Alright, are you hungry already or should we do it the same way as last time?"

"You won't have your phone with you," Virgil shook his head.

"I will. Of course, I will. Just call me when you get hungry and I'll order for you," Logan returned to the mirror and fiddled with his tie again. "Why wouldn't I have my phone on me?"

"You've been so chuffed with this invitation, I don't want to interrupt your evening just cause I can't order for myself. I want you to have some fun tonight."

"You're not interrupting anything, Virgil. Making a small call for you will in no way keep me from spending time with Patton. I'm sure nobody will mind if I leave to talk to you for a few minutes and then call whatever restaurant you want me to."

Virgil still looked unsure.

"I mean it," Logan turned back to look directly at Virgil. "Just call me when you get hungry. If you don't feel up to calling just text me. In that case, I'll text you back once I've ordered so you know when the food will come."

Okay," Virgil gave a half-smile. "Thanks, Papa."

Logan went over again and gave him a tight hug before pulling away. "Try not to go to bed too late. I bought new lavender tea if you can't sleep. It's in the cabinet over the coffeemaker. Love you, buddy."

"Love you too, Papa. Have a good night."

Logan pressed a quick kiss against his forehead before grabbing his keys and leaving to meet Patton by the flower shop, from where they would take Patton's car to the venue.

It was still rather early in the afternoon and the wind had blown away the factory smoke, letting the sunshine down onto the streets freely. It was a nice day for a wedding.

Patton was just locking up the shop when Logan came.

He looked mesmerizing in his light blue-grey suit. There were no leaves or flower petals in his hair like usually and once Logan got closer he noticed that Patton was wearing a bit of makeup. There was a light pink blush over his cheeks and on his nose and Logan was pretty sure that he had done something to make his eyes seem bigger but wasn't familiar enough with makeup to be able to tell what.

"You look," Logan cleared his throat. "You look great."

Patton looked up at him and smiled widely, his dimples showing.

"Thank you! You look wonderful too!"

Logan couldn't help the small smile at the compliment.

"Thank you. Let's go then, shall we?"

Patton led Logan to his car, an old VW Beetle.

"Do you want to drive?" Patton offered but Logan shook his head.

"I don't know where it is," Logan shook his head. "I also haven't driven a car in... quite a while. I think the last time was about five years ago. I believe you likely have more experience."

Patton chuckled and got in at the driver's side.

"Why haven't you driven in so long?" he asked, starting the car and pulling out of the parking spot.

Logan thought about it for a moment.

"Well, when I drive to work," he carefully chose his words, "we usually drive with many people in one car. Since I don't have a big car and usually the owner of the car drives I just don't really drive."

"Don't you ever drive your son anywhere?"

"No, not unless it's an emergency. He tends to get very anxious in cars so we try to avoid that."

"Oh, I see."

They chatted a bit on the drive.

The wedding venue was a bit out of town, surrounded by trees and had been decorated with flowers and colourful bands, near a small church where the ceremony would take place.

Logan hadn't been in a church in... Gosh, how long had it even been?

Considering how often his parents had dragged him to church they probably would've been very disappointed. Not that that was the only reason they wouldn't approve of his current life.

The ceremony was nice.

The groom, a young Asian man with blonde dyed hair, cried as the bride, a tall beautiful woman, came down the aisle and they looked beyond happy when the pastor declared them husband and wife.

Afterwards, they drove back to the venue and Logan subtly checked his phone while the best man, one of the groom's brothers gave a speech. He didn't know these people so most of the jokes made little to no sense to him.

Virgil hadn't texted him yet but it was still pretty early so he probably would do so later.

The cake was pretty good and Patton introduced him to his sister, Martha, her husband, Luan, and Martha's son from her previous marriage, Janus. Janus seemed about Virgil's age if a bit taller but then again most kids were. Logan guessed Martha's first husband had been black since Janus was, safe for a few light spots, the biggest he could see covering half his face. Vitiligo, apparently.

An elder couple came over and hugged Martha and Luan tightly.

"I'm so proud of you!" the woman told Martha. "You look so beautiful!"

She ruffled Janus hair who tried to bat her hand away but failed.

"Oh, Patton, it's so great to see you! Is this your boyfriend?"

Logan noticed Patton's ears go red. He liked seeing Patton blush. He did it a lot.

"We're friends, not a couple," Patton protested.

"You aren't?" Luan asked. "I thought you were. From what you said about Logan it sounded like it."

Patton let out a strangled sound.

"We're just close friends," Logan clarified ignoring the part of him that burned with curiosity over what Patton had said about him.

"Sure," Janus said and clicked his tongue. "I believe you."

He didn't sound like he believed it at all.

He would probably get along well with Virgil. Maybe Logan should introduce them sometime.

His phone vibrated in his pocket and Logan used the opportunity to duck out into the garden.

 Virgil: do you have the number of that chinese place down the street?

 if not I can send it to you

  Logan: No, I don't have it.

 Also, why are so many people assuming that Patton and I are dating?

 Virgil: because you are

 Have a nice snog w/ him

Logan rolled his eyes.

Virgil sent him the number and his order a moment later, Logan saved it and ordered for him, sending Virgil a last quick text before heading back inside.

A band had begun to play and the newly wedded couple was dancing together, smiling at each other.

Logan found Patton who greeted him with a wide smile and pulled him onto the dance floor as soon as the first dance was over.

"Patton, I'm not sure this is a good idea," Logan tried to protest.

"Why? Can't you dance? You seem like the kind of guy who knows how to dance."

"I can-"

"Then what's the problem?"

Logan noticed hurt seep into Patton's voice.

He probably thought Logan just didn't want to dance with him.

"I- Nothing. Sorry, I just did not expect to dance," Logan nervously licked his lips and adjusted his hand to be on Patton's waist, taking the lead.

Patton let him, something he was very grateful for.

The band played a pop song, so different from the one he remembered from that fateful dance so long ago.

He was in a nice venue with a nice garden in the outskirts of Woethough with Patton.

Not in a skyscraper. Not in New York. Not with that man.

"Are you alright?" Patton asked gently. "You seem tense."

There was a line of worry between his brows.

Logan took a deep breath and tried to release the tension in his shoulders.

"Yes, I'm fine," he said, half to reassure Patton, half to remind himself. It was just a bad memory. "Don't worry."

Once the song was over Martha asked to have a dance with her brother, telling Logan that she would have his boyfriend back to him in a few minutes and laughing when he repeated that they weren't boyfriends.

Logan wandered over to the punch table and grabbed a glass.

"You shouldn't drink it," Janus stopped him and stepped out of the shadows. The kid apparently had a flair for the dramatics. He'd make a good villain, Logan thought.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Well, someone might have spiked it," he shrugged and a small flask became visible under his jacket for a split second. "You never know."

"What a shame," Logan set his glass down again. "Why would someone just spike the punch at a wedding like that? Purely hypothetical of course."

"Perhaps because it is boring?" Janus pretended to speculate. "So they might be hoping for something interesting to happen. Like that."

He pointed at a goth who Logan was pretty sure was Luan's mother who came over and filled two glasses with punch before taking a sip of both, greeting them and going back towards the bridesmaid she had been chatting with to give her one of the drinks.

"I see. That would make sense, very good theory. But why would that person then tell someone not to drink it?"

"In theory?" Janus raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, in theory."

"Maybe they don't want that person to get too drunk and embarrassingly declare their love for the drink spikers uncle or something."

Logan frowned.

"I am not in love with Patton," he insisted.

"I never said that," Janus said. "But, for the record, you definitely are."

Logan pinched his nose and sighed.

Janus laughed at him until Patton came back and asked Logan for another dance.

Somehow one of the violets decorating the place had found its way into his hair, matching his bow tie nicely and how was Logan supposed to say 'No' to a smile that beautiful?

Next

Taglist:

@patton-cake

[cheekytorah]

Thank you for always submitting the most creative prompts! You always get my fluffy gears turning. 💛

This too me so long to respond to because I was trying to make something for you for christmas because you are one of my favourite followers, always liking and sharing always commenting and dropping me asks ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you for always finding the time to write my prompts (even though I leave you so many lol) and promising to write the rest. It means a lot!

So Happy Holidays/Christmas/New years etc etc 💋

In my effort to finish this for you I failed to find a Beta so I’m sorry it’s a bit rough.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sirius felt himself return to consciousness. The images of warm calloused hands, bright, happy camp-fires and sweat slicked bodies were immediately replaced with a sudden need to vomit and fear that his skull was moments from cracking in half, exploding from pain.

He stood up and dashed for a bush, expelled the contents of his stomach-albeit not much-and groaned in agony. He looked around at two of his best mates, in similar hell, and smiled slightly till he had to close his eyes to block out the excruciating sun. Misery does love company, after all.

Eyes closed, the warm darkness brought on a cascade of memories from the night before. Dancing around a fire in their pants, like a trio of idiots-thanks Prongs. Drinking vermouth to begin with-thanks Wormtail. Vanishing tents because how else would they be real men-yeah that one was Sirius, of course.

Then a memory of James voice encouraging him to-no he wouldn’t.

“Prongs, did you let me drunk call people last night?”

James moaned in response.

“No,” Sirius gasped. He felt panicked as memories of yelling into his phone some weird song that involved butchering Remus’ name assaulted his mind. “Did you tell me to call Moony last night?”

“I may have mentioned the merit in a drunken confession.”

Sirius stomach dropped out.

“I would like it on record that I was completely against it,” Peter interjected.

“Oh fuck,” Sirius groaned and laid down on the grass.

Why was it always fucking him?

James crawled on hands and knees and curled in a ball beside Sirius, flinching under his murderous glare.

“I’m sorry. Maybe we should turn our phones off before a night of drinking.”

“I’m never drinking again, look where it gets me. I think- fuck Prongs-I left him a voicemail where I waxed poetic about his hands! HIS FUCKING HANDS!”

“That I don’t remember,” James chuckled, but then winced when Sirius punched his shoulder.

“He probably hasn’t even heard it yet,” Peter said thoughtfully. “He did text me earlier to say his phone was going to die and he’d forgotten his charger. Wouldn’t have one till he got home tomorrow morning.”

Sirius looked up hopefully. Maybe they could, oh but it would never work, they’d have to get to Wales and none of them could apparate in their state. They’d also have to somehow manage to steal Remus’ phone without him seeing, get it back to London-

“We can do it,” James nodded, recognizing the look on Sirius’ face. “Just let me die here for a little bit and we’ll get to the car.”

They drove through to the afternoon, arriving at the Lupin’s cottage in a few short hours. Lyall answered the door but after a disgusted sniff, scowled at the boys and told them Hope and Remus had ventured out to a cousins in London. He quickly slammed the door shut in Sirius’ face and they were once again on the road.

“I swear to Merlin, James, if this ends badly,” Sirius warned.

“Look, if anything you can claim it was a prank gone wrong. Alcohol distorting the point of the prank, and I don’t know, making it more confusing.”

“Oh sure, that will go really well,” Peter rolled his eyes.

“Or, you could just tell him it was all true and then snog his face off,” James teased.

“Remus doesn’t feel like that about me,” Sirius gripped the steering wheel and glared at the road. “You think I would keep this secret for all these years if I wasn’t damn certain the truth would ruin our friendship?”

He cursed under his breath. He had made a move on Remus’ about 10 years ago, laying on their backs at the top of the astronomy tower in sixth year. He had kissed him, and Remus had pushed him away and told him not to confuse things. It was pretty clear then that Remus didn’t want him.

“I don’t get it,” James shook his head. “You could have any bloke you wanted, I see them throwing themselves at you. When was the last time you even went on a date?”

Sirius was about to object, that he went out with plenty of men, but he wasn’t sure they’d agree that one offs in the loo of a dirty pub once every few months really counted.

“Over a year ago,” Peter supplied.

“Not all of us can be with the person they are in love with, settle down and have a bloody family by the time they are twenty-one,” Sirius snarled. “And you,” he pointed at Peter through the rear view mirror. “You are not allowed to have an opinion on my relationship status when you don’t date at all.”

“I’m aro,” Peter shrugged.

“And I’m bloody serious, so both of you lay off me.”

Sirius muttered mockeries under his breath. He turned down a dead-end street as the sun began to disappear behind the trees.

~*~

“Merlin’s saggy balls!” Sirius booted the tire of James father’s car in frustration. “How do we even find him?”

They had knocked on the door and a couple cute young college kids answered the door. Not an extension of the Lupin family, and had no idea who Remus or Hope even were.

“How did Lyall give us the wrong address? Shouldn’t he know where his own family lives?” James asked, similarly discouraged.

”Lyall Lupin doesn't even like his own son, why would he care about a cousin?” Peter said absently.

”Plan B, Padfoot,” James said slowly. “Prank gone wrong. It’s believable.”

“Honestly, you should just tell him the truth,” Peter rolled his eyes. “He won’t stop being your friend, you know him better than that.”

Sirius dug his hands in his pockets and glared at the ground. Why did this have to happen. Why did he have to drink so much. Why did he have to confess his undying love to Remus?

“Well, I’m out of options, so just remember I want my casket in red oak, not that cheap shit. I know your parents are loaded so don’t hold out on me,” Sirius grinned at James but his smile quickly faded and he groaned.

Sirius kept glancing at his phone, no new calls, or texts. Obviously Remus hadn’t heard the voicemail—yet, because he wasn’t being bombarded with questions or apologies or—what he wanted most—returned affections. He knew that was an impossibility.

James took the drivers seat again and they set off on their trip back to London. Peter was snoring in the back and James was humming along with the radio. Harry and Lily would be sleeping when he had finally dropped them off and slipped into their cottage in Godric’s Hollow, so they had stopped for some take out and pulled up outside an old skate park.

“Why do you think Remus doesn’t like you back?”

“I tried to kiss him once, back when I first realized I was gay—like super gay—he pushed me away. Told me he didn’t want me to ruin things when I was finally earning back his trust.”

“Can you blame him? After what you did-”

“Of course not, but if he had felt something for me, he would have said something back then.”

James made a noncommittal noise and went back to his curry.

“Blimey, this stuff is garbage,” he complained and Sirius smirked.

“Nothing beats your mums,” Sirius chuckled.

James nods as they drive off towards Sirius’ flat. When they pull up Peter is awake and slides into the passenger seat. They both wave and Sirius slips into the building. When he’s in the safety of his bed he lets all his doubts cloud around him, attacking him with anxiety and gloom. Was he going to wake up and lose Remus forever. Had he already lost him and just didn't know it yet

~*~

Of course his dreams were affected by his uncertainty. Words of harsh rejection yelled at him in Remus’ pitch. It was as if he was drowning in ‘let’s just be friends’,‘I can’t even look at you’ and ‘you disgust me’. He was covered in a cold sweat and he felt sick. He was overreacting, he told himself, but the fear of losing one of his most important people terrified him.

It was half-past eight when he knocked quietly on Remus’ door.

“Oh hey Moons, can I use your phone?” Sirius pushed past and stood expectantly in his living room.

“Sure, something up with yours?”

“Oh err, yeah not working right.”

Remus hums in agreement and Sirius darts over to the phone charging on the wall. ‘1 new voicemail’ flashed on the screen. Sirius sighs with relief as he punches in the voicemail code and listens.

“Moony, no doubt Sirius is on his way over there right now. We went to great lengths this weekend to attempt to prevent you listening to Sirius’ voicemail from friday night, but in case he managed to delete it, I think you should know anyways. He’s mad about you. You both are a couple of idiots who need to wake up and smell the big gay love.” Siriuis could hear James snickering as Peter spoke and then the line went dead. He cursed under his breath, vowing to kill James. But then, if this was the only new voicemail. Oh fuck.

Sirius turned off the phone, squeezed the phone in his hands, and bracing himself turned around to face Remus. Remus who was standing now, leaning against the doorway to his bedroom with a raised brow and crossed arms. Remus who had a delicious little smirk playing at the corner of his gorgeous mouth. Remus who-

“Anything interesting?”

Siius didn’t know what to say. What could he even say? So he didn’t say anything he just stood there like a wild animal cornered, assessing his escape options. Remus pushed off of the wall and strode forward a few paces and came to a halt in front of Sirius, not five feet from him.

“You know,” Remus said thoughtfully. “I got this really interesting voicemail Saturday morning.”

Sirius felt the colour drain from his face.

“But you-”

“You didn’t think my mum would let me get away with not having a phone all weekend did you?” Remus interrupted with a smile, amusement painting his every feature. Then his smile faded into a look of uncertainty. “Look, if you want, we can forget the whole thing.”

“What do you-”

“You were drunk,” Remus interrupted again. “We all say things we don’t entirely mean when we’ve had far too much to drink, and you definitely sounded like you had too much to drink.”

“Well I-”

“And you didn’t really get my hopes up or anything, it’ll be fine. Our friendship is the most important thing to me. You, James, Peter, us-the Marauders I mean-That’s what matters and I wouldn't want to screw any of that up. Nothing else matters, I don’t want to make anything awkward either, the other stuff could just fade away.”

Sirius grinned, both his brows raised and watched as Remus babbled away, offering a ‘Moony?’ every so often, hoping to cut into his spoken monologue. And people told Sirius that he was the one who liked to hear himself talk.

“Granted it hasn’t in years. I mean, it’s not like weird or anything-fuck-I just mean-”

“Moony!” Sirius said loudly, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he shook his head in exasperation. “Shut up.”

He stepped forward quickly, gripped Remus shoulders and pulled him against himself. Their noses were practically touching, Remus’ eyes locked with Sirius’.

“If you don’t want me to kiss you, tell me now,” Sirius said quietly, practically a whisper in the silent room, their lips a mere inch apart. When Remus didn’t reject him Sirius closed his eyes and brushed his lips gently against Remus’ in a chaste kiss. He pulled away and looked at Remus, searching his face for a reaction and grinned when Remus beamed back at him.

One of Remus’ arms snaked around Sirius’ waist and the other cupped the back of his neck, pulling him back into a kiss that was deeper, stronger, and felt like a promise. They tasted, explored and teased for what seemed like forever, and ended too soon. Remus tasted like fresh water in the desert, smelled amazing, felt like home. They were still standing there-sirius still in his leather jacket and his shoes on-when a loud crash interrupted their ministrations.

“All your clothes better be on, Pads,” James called as he banged his way into Remus’ flat. “I swear to Merlin!”

Remus chuckled as Sirius groaned and dropped his head to Remus’ shoulder, but his shoulders shook with his own laughter too. He pulled back and looked back into Remus’ eyes who simply winked at him.

“What if it’s me who stripped and pulled a naked man, Prongsie?”

“Well that would be quite unexpected and out of character for the great Mssr. Moony, and I would have to encourage it,” Sirius could practically hear him grinning. “Carry on, I’ll just wait here, totally not listening to you both at all.”

Sirius grabbed a pillow off of Remus’ bed, darted out of Remus’ room and threw it at James who was sprawled out on the couch already flicking through the tele.

“Perv,” Sirius laughed and tackled James, giving him a couple playful punches to the gut.

Remus’ laughed and pulled out some of the pizza James had brought--apparently it was already lunch time, they really had been snogging for sometime--and settled on the floor, all lanky limbs and curly hair. Sirius watched him fondly before falling back into their usual banter and good natured teasing. This was the best part of being in love with his best friend.

[hollyoaksloversx]

Spreading Hatred...

Rounding up a week in Hollyoaks (11th-15th March 2019)

This week was perhaps one of the most uncomfortable weeks of Hollyoaks I’ve sat through, as Ste Hay’s far right extremism story took centre stage. It was also incredibly compelling to watch and the terrible news coming out of New Zealand this weekend, proves that Hollyoaks are right to bring this issue to the public’s attention. At the start of the week, Imran was still giving himself a hard time for attacking Ste, and Tony decided it was his duty to tell the Maalik’s the truth, resulting in Ste punching Sami and being suspended from the tea house when new boss, Stuart, witnessed the fight. With Ste furiously stomping around the flat, Peri decided that his feud with the Maalik’s had gone far enough and invited them round for dinner that evening. Ste was initially completely against the idea, however, he was given food for thought when Peri pointed out that he had been just as bad as Imran at one point, but people had been good enough to give him a second chance and he reluctantly agreed to attend. Unfortunately, Ste had a bad day when Stuart informed him that he’d lost his job indefinitely and he threw the Maalik’s out when he returned home to find them sitting round the table.

The following morning, Peri presented Ste with an unpaid bill and demanded to know what he was going to do about it. Ste continued to blame the Maalik’s for his current predicament, and he said as much to Leah when she walked into the room, telling her that he would have to cancel their holiday as a result. Later, at school, Leah cornered Imran in the corridor and blamed him for her family’s problems. Leah was stopped in her tracks as she grabbed hold of Imran and went to punch him, and Ste and Sami were quickly called into school to discuss the altercation. As Ste ranted and raved about Imran ‘targeting’ Leah, he was stopped in his tracks when Laurie revealed that Leah had been the instigator, and told Ste to get a grip of himself. With no job, and now having to deal with his daughter being drawn into the conflict, a devastated Ste returned to the village, and was seen eyeing up Sami’s car whilst holding a screw driver. He was stopped from damaging the vehicle by Jonny, who took Ste back to the flat and suggested he move in. Although Ste was delighted by the new arrangement, the same couldn’t be said for Peri, who was left feeling deeply uncomfortable by a comment Jonny made about Muslims...

Although Ste appeared unfazed by the comment, Peri wasn’t willing to let it go, and demanded that Ste have a word with Jonny. Jonny feigned horror over the situation and managed to convince Ste that there had been no malice in his words. Keen to keep Ste onside, Jonny convinced Stuart to give Ste his job back, and the pair invited Ste and Lucas to attend a football match with them and some of their mates. However, it soon became apparent that these were not people Ste should be mixing with as, whilst Stuart kept Ste talking inside, telling him that he would always be welcome with them, Jonny and co beat a man outside in a racially motivated attack. With no knowledge of what had occurred, Ste spent the rest of the day with the group, and was delighted by how well they all seemed to get on and how accepting they were of his sexuality and past addictions. However, the following day, DS Yates turned up at the tea house to investigate the attack, and questioned Ste over whether or not any of his group had left the pub at any point. Despite knowing that they had, Ste covered for Jonny. Whilst Jonny may have been able to win Ste round easily, he was having a far harder time with Peri, who was left suspicious when she walked in on Stuart and Jonny in cahoots. Needing to think of an excuse quickly, Jonny made Peri feel uncomfortable when he told her that he had a crush on her, and had simply been asking Stuart for advice.

Meanwhile, as Ste spent time with his new friends, Aunty Kameela was holding a dinner party for the Maalik’s, minus Misbah, who was away on a course. Kameela quickly found herself at loggerheads with Sami when she invited Liberty to the meal without his knowledge and the pair butted heads again later over their differing ideas over what it means to be a Muslim in 21st century Britain. Fantastic scenes, which juxtaposed perfectly with Ste being sucked further and further into the grasp of the extremists.

Elsewhere this week, there was trouble in paradise for Sally and Myra as Sally was once again left questioning Myra’s commitment to her, especially when Myra didn’t correct the priest when he assumed she was marrying a man. Sally was further crushed when Nana left one of Myra’s old wedding scrapbooks lying around and she realised it was full of pictures of men. In order to get Myra excited about marrying Sally again, Nana took her for a night out at the Duke Street Social, where Myra ended up having a snog with the DJ, as witnessed by Scott. Scott confronted a guilty Myra over her actions a couple of days later, and Myra promised Scott she would come clean. However, she couldn’t bring herself to do so and instead, threw herself into planning her wedding to Sally.

In other news this week, with Harry and James back from their holiday, Mac began piling the pressure on Breda to kill James before the court case. There was relief all round when Maxine’s test results showed that there was nothing wrong with her whilst we finally saw a human side to Liam as he spent time with baby Iona. Finally, Harley decided to leave the village and was touched when Tom gifted her some money to put towards her dream of working with Orangoutangs. 

5 Things We Learned This Week:

1. There are many ways to leave Hollyoaks. You can die in an unusual manner, such as being stabbed by a samurai sword like Callum Kane, or you can sail off on a barge with Cat Deeley like Rory ‘Finn’ Finnegan. This week saw Harley bid farewell as she left to ‘save the orangoutangs’. Ten points for originality, Hollyoaks!

2. Always look for the man in drag when about to cheat on your partner. Yes, it could be a beautiful woman sat at the bar, but it could also be one of your neighbours, who just happens to have a voice that can be heard from space. 

3. Leah Barnes would make the perfect case study in the ‘nature vs nurture’ debate. She may not be Ste’s biological daughter, but she was certainly channeling him this week as she gave Imran what for. Let’s just hope that’s as far as the similarities go. I don’t want to see Leah don a tracksuit any time soon. 

4. Peri Lomax is all kinds of amazing right now. I loved her calling Ste out on his treatment of the Maaliks, especially when she reminded him of all the terrible things he got up to in his youth. It sometimes feels that the show itself forgets that Ste used to be a hateful little shit so it was great to see the characters actually acknowledge it. 

5. Tony is most definitely not a homophobe. He’s got a gay son and a rainbow flag in his restaurant window to prove it!

Characters Featured:

Aunty Kameela, Breda, Damon, Donna-Marie, DS Yates, Goldie, Grace, Harley, Harry, Imran, Iona, James, Jesse, Joel, Jonny, Juliet, Laurie, Leah, Liam, Liberty, Lucas, Mac, Maxine, Mercedes, Misbah, Myra, Nana McQueen, Peri, Romeo, Sally, Sami, Scott, Sienna, Ste, Stuart, Sylver, Tom, Tony and Yasmine. 

Past Characters Mentioned:

Amy Barnes, Nico Blake, Maggie Kinsella, Neeta Kaur and Tegan Lomax. 

[hbprinzejr]

What You Desire Most

Summary: With the youngest of their children now at Hogwarts, Harry and Ginny are looking forward to some time alone. Harry finds himself in an unexpected new relationship that threatens to tear apart everything they've built since the war.

Chapter 1: A Serpent in King’s Cross

Word count: 1,473

A/N: I've been reading fic for over 10 years and finally convinced myself that I could write it too. I'm looking forward to flexing my creativity and developing my characters and this story. I don't know if anyone will read this, but, if you do, I'd love to hear your feedback. This is currently a work in progress and I'll continue posting as it's written, so if you enjoy it pls come back for more!

Currently posted on AO3 and FF.net if you’d rather follow there.

Harry startled awake in a cold sweat, the rushing sound of Avada Kedavra still ringing in his ears. His hand instinctively made its way to his forehead, touching the scar that hadn’t ached in nearly 20 years. He rubbed his eyes as his cluttered office in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement came into focus. Or at least as much focus as he could manage before he finally managed to feel out his glasses, hidden beneath a stack of papers he had managed to knock over as he bolted upright in his chair.

He knew his promotion to Head of the Department would be a lot of responsibility, but he couldn’t remember anyone telling him that he would nearly forget what it felt like to sleep in his own bed. He took a sip of tea and immediately spat it back out. It was cold and bitter, which was not surprising considering he had poured it nearly 5 hours earlier. His head pounded as he looked up to see the clock on the wall chime three o’clock.

These days, it was hard to tell the difference between his near daily headaches and the once familiar twinge of his connection to Voldemort. He repeated his usual mantra to himself as he waved his wand and the papers on his desk rearranged themselves back into a neat stack: “He’s dead. You killed him. It’s done.” But some memories were harder to shake than others.

Harry glanced down at the only 2 pictures on his desk. Next to his mother and father, he saw himself with Ginny, James, Albus, Lily, and Teddy, all smiles and laughing. He groaned as he stood up and pulled on his traveling cloak, feeling around in the pocket for a few crumbs of floo powder. The Hogwarts Express left at precisely 11 o’clock, and he was determined to get at least a couple hours of proper sleep before it was time to make the journey to King’s Cross.

Harry’s eyes strained against the pitch black darkness of his and Ginny’s bedroom. He clumsily slipped off his robes and climbed into bed, focusing on the sound of Ginny’s breathing as he quickly drifted back to sleep. It felt like mere minutes had passed when Ginny awoke him by opening the curtains, daylight harshly filling the comfortable and well-appointed room. Harry pulled the blanket over his face.

“I must say I was rather surprised to wake up and find you in our bed this morning,” said Ginny softly. “It’s been weeks since we had a proper night together. You know, most people would find it easy to ask for some time off if their boss was their best friend.”

“Hermione already took a lot of flack for my promotion. The new Minister of Magic can’t just go around handing out favors to her friends,” Harry grunted, pulling down the blanket and covering his face with his hands. “Besides, you know her as well I as do. She’ll tell me that I should’ve known what to expect taking such an important position.”

Ginny sighed and laid down next to her husband, resting her head on his chest. “Everyone needs a break sometime, Harry. There’s no shame in asking to spend a little alone time with your wife.”

After the usual last minute scramble to pack long neglected school trunks, Harry and his family made their ways to King’s Cross Station and platform 9 ¾ where, for the first time, all three of his children would board the Hogwarts Express. It was to be a bittersweet occasion, Harry thought to himself. Although he was glad that he would no longer be filling the role of mostly absent parent, he would miss impromptu Quidditch matches with James, Albus, and Teddy and teaching Lily to fly a broom. He could not believe how quickly time seemed to be passing these days.

Through the familiar clouds of white steam billowing from the train, he saw Ron and Hermione standing in the middle of the platform saying their goodbyes to Rose and Hugo, who looked as if they couldn’t wait another minute to join their friends on the waiting train.

As the Potters moved to join them, it wasn’t difficult to hear an all too familiar scene playing out.

“But Moooom, all my friends are already on the train! I don’t see why everyone has to wait for them. They were just over for dinner last weekend!”

Rose, just like her best friend Albus, had unmistakably entered her teen years and a sappy goodbye in front of the whole school was the last thing she wanted. Ron and Hermione, apparently already expecting this, simply ignored her as they waved in response to Harry and Ginny’s efforts to get their attention and Rose tried to pretend that she wanted nothing more than to spend the next three and a half months as far from London as she could hope to get.

“Good morning, Minister,” said Ginny warmly as she moved to hug her sister-in-law. “Shall we release the prisoners?” She gave Rose a wink.

“Oh, alright. Run along. But first, I want to see your checklist. Last year you forgot half your books!” Hermione waved her wand and a too long piece of parchment flew out of Rose’s back pocket and into her other hand. She quickly skimmed the list, seeing that all of the important boxes were checked and looked at her daughter with a smile. “Looks like you’re free to go. Better hurry if you want to find an empty compartment!”

As they all said their goodbyes, Harry caught sight of another familiar face. Draco Malfoy had just stepped through the barrier, and despite his usual well-tailored appearance, Harry thought the best way to describe how he looked was…tired. Honestly, the last time he could remember Malfoy looking this bad, not that he had ever really put much thought into what Malfoy looked like, was their sixth year.

“Hey, Ron,” Harry whispered as Ginny and Hermione squinted at the train, hoping to catch one last glimpse of the kids before the train pulled out of the station. “Check it out. What’s up with Malfoy?”

“Honestly, mate, and here I thought I was the one always behind on the news.” Ron stifled a laugh. “Malfoy and his wife split up a couple months back. Rita Skeeter was all over it in the Prophet.”

“Christ sakes, are they still publishing that old hag? With her record it’s just as likely they’re planning a second honeymoon,” Harry said a little more loudly than he had wanted. “Although, I suppose it is a little weird that he just walked onto the platform by himself. Scorpius must already be on the train, it’s nearly eleven.”

Ron took another step closer to Harry and said under his breath: “That’s not all she wrote, either. Rumor on the street is that he’s, well, you know…polishing his wand with the other hand, if you know what I mean.”

“Oh, Ronald, you did always have such a way with words,” Ginny chuckled, both of the men unaware that their wives had been listening to their entire exchange.

“Either way, the rumors must be true,” Hermione added. “I overheard Blaise Zabini gossiping about it outside Madame Malkin’s just last week. Apparently, Malfoy’s been rather open about it since they split up. He’s gay, Harry.”

“Makes sense if you ask me. Always had a flare for drama, that one. And besides, it explains how he ended up with that pug-faced troll Parkinson when we were at Hogwarts. You’d had to have been a poofter to snog her, anyway,” Ron said in a way that only he could.

Harry’s thoughts trailed off. He couldn’t say that he was particularly surprised, although he wondered why Malfoy had decided to wait until after he’d been married and had a son to change his lifestyle. As the others continued gossiping, Harry realized just a moment too late that he’d been staring at Malfoy for a bit too long. The other man had noticed him and when their eyes met, Harry gave him a polite nod and turned again to face his friends.

The next day, Harry returned to his office in the Ministry to find on top of the massive daily pile of letters and interdepartmental memos a small note on what appeared to be rather fine stationary. He picked it up and saw a delicate serpent embossed in the green wax sealing the parchment. He broke the seal and read:

Potter,

I realize this is coming from out of the blue, but I never properly thanked you for what you did back at Hogwarts. I’d like to make it up to you. Meet me this Friday at the Leaky Cauldron at half-past eight and I’ll buy you a drink.

Cordially,

Draco Malfoy

[robronsecretvalentine]

I Know Now, That I Know

Summary: Set on Valentine’s Day 2019. How can Robert and Aaron really be at their fifth Valentine’s Day without ever celebrating one?

For: @justleavemebreathless - Happy Valentine’s Day, Jacqueline!

Tags: Romance, fluff

Warnings: None.

Aaron started thinking about Valentine’s day the day after his birthday.

February, he decided, was a stupid time of the year to celebrate being in love. It was already overloaded with birthdays - both Liv’s and his mum’s - and then there was his and Robert’s anniversary.

“When are you celebrating your anniversary, by the way?” Chas had asked at their wedding reception when she’d dragged him up for a dance, pointing out Robert and Diane dancing together nearby. “This one of the other one?”

“This one,” Aaron had said, in a tone that told her to leave it alone.

It was what he told everyone when they asked. The legal wedding was the one they expected cards and presents for. The legal one was when they were counting from.

Still, it was always going to be on his mind and even though he and Robert hadn’t talked about it, he knew that he’d never be able to let the day pass without thinking of it.

Which was why Valentine’s Day being the week before was so bloody inconvenient.

Liv, helpful as always, broached the subject with him before he had a chance to bring it up.

“I’m going to stay at the pub,” she announced at breakfast, as soon as February dawned. “On Valentine’s Day. Just in case you have plans.”

Aaron had rolled his eyes and slapped Robert on the back to stop him choking on his toast.

The problem was, of course, that he’d never had a proper Valentine’s Day. He and Jackson had never had the chance and Ed had tried his best but it was something Aaron had suffered through rather than enjoyed.

Robert was the only person he’d ever really wanted to celebrate Valentine’s Day with and they’d never really been able to do it properly, even though this year would technically be their fifth.

Their fifth.

“Gabby, are you staying for tea?” Aaron asked, staring into the fridge and trying to decide between burgers (of which there were three) and sausages (of which there were eight).

“Depends what you’re having,” she said.

“Sausages, if you’re staying.”

“And?”

“Chips?”

“Yeah, alright then.”

Aaron took the sausages out the fridge and closed the door, glancing over at Gabby and Liv who were huddled together on the sofa.

“What are you two whispering about?”

“Nothing,” Liv said.

“Jacob,” Gabby sighed.

“Gabby!”

“Well, Aaron’s gay,” Gabby hissed. “He probably knows more about boys that me.”

“I bet he doesn’t,” Liv muttered.

Aaron wasn’t sure who should be more offended. “What’s wrong with Jacob?”

“Nothing,” Gabby said. “Only it’s our first Valentine’s Day together as a couple. What should I get him? I mean we’ve been together almost a year.”

“Umm…”

“I told you to get him aftershave,” Liv said. “You know he doesn’t want anything from you. He’s, you know, nice.”

“Well what are you expecting from him?” Aaron asked. “Use that as your guide.”

“A dozen red roses,” Gabby said. “Maybe it’s a cliche, but you only get a first Valentine’s gift once.”

“Aftershave,” Liv repeated. “Now are we playing this game, or what?”

Robert woke on Valentine’s Day to an empty bed, still warm from Aaron’s body but no real substitute for his gorgeous husband. He ran his hand over the empty space, rolling towards Aaron’s side of the bed and burying his face in the pillow.

When he finally opened his eyes he saw a card propped up against the photo of them on Aaron’s nightstand and, in front of it, a single red rose.

With a grin he reached over and grabbed both, sliding the rose across his cheek and up to his nose to smell it, before tearing into the card.

The front was plain, a small red heart on a white background. Robert felt his smile turn soft as he opened it to read whatever mush Aaron had written for him

R

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Love

A

Robert frowned.

It wasn’t as though he’d been expecting Shakespeare but… this was their first Valentine’s Day as a married couple and he’d been expecting more than initials and the Happy Valentine’s Day that was pre-printed on the card.

Vanessa was holding a red lace teddy up against her body when Aaron stepped into the shop and he immediately regretted ever being born.

“Sorry,” she said when she caught sight of him, dropping it back into the Victoria’s Secret bag on the floor. “Sorry. You probably don’t want to see that.”

“Or think about Charity enjoying it, no,” Aaron said, making Tracy snort behind the counter.

“Aww, come on Aaron,” Tracy said, “you and Robert have been together forever. I bet you’ve enjoyed your fair share of sexy undies.”

Aaron turned away, blowing out a breath as he tried to ignore Vanessa and Tracy shushing each other behind him.

“You don’t think it’s too much, though?” Vanessa asked Tracy when they’d stopped giggling. “Last year was a bit weird. I want this year to be a bit more fun.”

“And what’s more fun than lingerie?” Tracy said, beaming at Vanessa. “She’ll love it. Trust me.”

Robert hurried down the spiral staircase in his boxers and no shirt, clutching the rose and card in his hand, hoping to push Aaron up against the kitchen counter and, at the very least, snog him senseless.

“Aaron?”

The kitchen and living room were empty. Aaron was nowhere to be seen.

Robert couldn’t stop the tiny stab of hurt that bubbled up at Aaron leaving him alone on Valentine’s Day. Especially as him leaving had scuppered all of Robert’s own plans for a lazy morning in bed, followed by a lazy afternoon in bed, followed by food and then a lazy evening in bed.

The glint of shiny red paper caught his eye and Robert stopped moping long enough to shuffle towards the box on the kitchen table and the card lying on top of it, which proclaimed it was for him.

He set the card he was already holding down on the table and lay the rose next to it, then he picked up card number two and opened it, grinning affectionately at the words on the front.The inside of the card was slightly more personal than the previous one, stating

The inside of the card was slightly more personal than the previous one, stating

Robert

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Love

Aaron

The Happy Valentine’s Day was still pre-printed, but at least they’d advanced to full names.

He put the card down next to the first and opened the shiny red box.

“What the hell?” he whispered to himself, laughing as he pulled out a pair of transparent purple knickers and a matching lace suspender belt.

“What are you and David doing anyway?” Vanessa asked Tracy while Aaron stood waiting patiently to be served. “Something romantic I hope, to make up for all of last year.”

“I dunno,” Tracy said, as she emptied Aaron’s basket out onto the counter. “We’ve done the normal stuff, you know, flowers, chocolates. It’s not like he can whisk me away to Paris again.”

“Not unless he wants a black eye,” Vanessa muttered, making Aaron chuckle.

“Oh, I suppose Robert has something dead romantic planned,” Tracy sighed. “Dinner and candles and sexy fun on a bear-skin rug.”

“Nah, he’s allergic to bear-skin,” Aaron said solemnly and this time it was Vanessa’s turn to laugh, covering her mouth to stifle it. She caught Aaron’s eye and he winked at her.

Tracy shook her head at both of them and rang the last couple of items through the till. “Twenty-one ninety-two, please.”

Bernice stopped Robert on his way into the cafe.

“Morning. How’s my favourite brother?”

“Only brother,” Robert said. “Unless you count Andy.”

“I don’t,” Bernice said primly, “and you should be nice to me if you want your present.”

“What present?”

“The one Aaron has planned for you,” she told him, patting his arm. “Come over for a cuppa and I’ll give you your card.”

The wind whipped down the street as they made their way to Brook Cottage, making them both shiver. It was lovely and warm inside and Robert gratefully settled onto the sofa while Bernice bustled about it in the kitchen.

“Here we go,” she said when she joined him again, handing over a mug of tea and an envelope. “Hurry up and open it. I’ve been dying to see.”

Robert laughed but Bernice looked confused.

“That’s not very romantic.”

“Yeah, it is,” Robert told her. “Don’t worry.”

He expected another printed Happy Valentine’s Day inside, but this time everything was hand-written.

Robert, you are pretty decent to look at and you make me smile so I suppose I’ll keep you. Happy Valentine’s Day to the best fiance I’ve ever had. Love, Aaron.

(Meet me at Vic’s at 12 x)

“Fiance?” Bernice said, reading over his shoulder. “You’ve been married ages.”

Robert shrugged. “I’m sure he’ll let me in on it eventually.

Aaron was feeling nervous when he heard the door to Keepers open just after twelve o’clock. Vic had given him permission to do whatever he wanted with the house as long as he never told her about it and cleaned up afterwards; she’d even been kind enough to make them some food.

“Hello?” he heard Robert call out as he closed the door behind him. “Aaron?”

“In here.”

The living room door opened and Aaron watched Robert pause in the doorway to take in the candles, the dining table set for two and the ice-bucket he’d pinched from the pub which was currently cradling a bottle of champagne.

“Surprise.”

Robert relaxed instantly, smiling at Aaron and moving across the room towards him slowly.

“You’re wearing a suit.”

“It’s a special occasion.”

“It certainly is,” Robert murmured, his eyes wandering over Aaron’s body. “You cooked?

“Vic cooked.”

“Is it likely to to be inedible if I ignore it and drag your clothes off you instead?”

“Probably,” Aaron said, grinning as Robert wrapped his arms around him and pulled him in for a kiss.

“Don’t care,” Robert said against Aaron’s lips. “You look fit as f…”

“Robert,” Aaron laughed, pushing him away, “we’re eating. We’re talking. We’re drinking the champagne.”

“Why?” Robert whined.

“Because I have a plan,” Aaron insisted. “Sit. You’ll enjoy it.”

They ate scallops on a bed of vegetables, followed by chocolate covered strawberries with cream. They drank the champagne and they held hands across the table.

It was probably the most romantic meal Aaron had ever had.

“Please tell me I can get you naked now,” Robert said when they’d finished the champagne and were lying together on the sofa, kissing like a couple of teenagers. “I’ve been waiting all day.”

“So have I,” Aaron told him, moaning when Robert scrapped his teeth over just the right spot on his neck. “But we can’t. We’re at Vic’s.”

“Good point,” Robert said, pulling back slightly to look at Aaron. “Why are we here? And why have I had three cards and three presents so far. I haven’t given you anything yet.”

“Later,” Aaron murmured, pulling Robert back to kiss him again. “I’ll tell you everything later.”

Aaron’s hands slid down to the small of Robert’s back and then dipped under the waist of his jeans.

“You’re not making this easy,” Robert groaned.

“It’s one of the things you love most about me,” Aaron said, spreading his legs so Robert could settle between them. “Rob…”

Robert’s phone started to ring making them both freeze.

“No,” Robert pleaded. “Not now.”

“Answer it,” Aaron said, already pushing at Robert’s shoulders. It might be important.

It was Liv.

“I hope you’ve got your clothes on because I need you to come and pick me up.”

“Why aren’t you at school?” Aaron asked when Robert flicked it onto speaker.

“I have a free period and my bag strap broke so I need a new one. You’ll have to take me into town.”

“Can’t it wait until Saturday?” Robert asked. “I’ve got a bag you can borrow.”

“No, Robert,” Liv said, drawing the words out slowly as if she was speaking to a particularly stupid child. “My bag has broken now. I need a new one now. I need you to take me. Now.”

“Fine,” Robert sighed. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.” He ended the call and looked at Aaron. “Is this part of your plan?”

“No,” Aaron said, looking disappointed. “We were going to go to the pub and play darts.”

Robert smiled and kissed him. “We can do that when I get back.”

Aaron shook his head. “Just come home after.” He pressed another card into Robert’s hands. “Wait an hour to open it, yeah?”

Robert dropped Liv and her brand new, far too expensive, bag off at the pub three hours later. Aaron would have a fit if he knew how much Robert had paid for it, but then that was why Liv had called him in the first place. No-one could ever accuse her of being stupid.

She waved from the doorway and he smiled, waving back.

Well, she was worth it after all.

He caught side of the card Aaron had given him earlier, that must have fallen under Liv’s seat when she got in, raging about idiots who didn’t watch where they were going. He’d forgotten to open it once Liv’s drama had unfolded.

He reached for it quickly and opened it.

Robert could feel his grin wide and bright on his face and his heart skipped a beat when he opened it and read what Aaron had written.

I love you, Mr Dingle.

Yours always,

Mr Sugden.

It was almost five thirty when the door opened and Robert appeared looking tired but happy.

“You took your time,” Aaron said, waving him over. “I thought you were just going for a bag.”

“The right bag,” Robert said, falling down next to Aaron on the sofa and pressing a kiss to his lips. “We had to go to Leeds. And into about a hundred shops.”

“Now you know how I feel when you drag me round,” Aaron said with a grin, pushing Robert back so he could slide onto his lap. “Do you want your last present?”

Robert nodded quickly. “Are you going to tell me what today’s been about?”

Aaron leant backwards to pluck a card off the table and then settled comfortably on Robert again. “You know we’ve never had a Valentine’s Day before.”

Robert frowned. “Of course we have.”

“No,” Aaron said, shaking his head. “The first year we were having an affair.”

Robert thought about the first card he’d opened that morning. Plan, simple, no first names.

“Then the second year, we were just friends and maybe, possibly, at some point more again. The third one was right before I went to prison. We were engaged but we weren’t really in the mood for romance.”

Robert nodded, thinking about everything Aaron had done for him. “Last year we weren’t together.”

“Last year we were most definitely together,” Aaron laughed, resting his forehead against Robert’s. “We just didn’t know it.”

“And this year?”

“This year is our fifth Valentine’s Day but really it’s our first. And second and third and fourth. We’re all caught up now.”

He pulled back enough to hand Robert his final card.

“I love you,” Aaron said. “That’s what it says. I always will. I never stopped. I love you and I’m so glad I married you. Twice.”

Robert kissed him, closing his eyes against the tears always came when Aaron did something so perfect.

“I love you so much,” Robert whispered against his lips. “I can’t believe you did all of this for me. For us.”

“Well, after five years and two weddings, we’re pretty settled now,” Aaron laughed. “So we’re having a takeaway and watching a film and then…”

“Upstairs,” Robert said. “Now. I’m not waiting anymore.”

Aaron laughed harder but didn’t argue. “Don’t I get a present?”

“You can open it up there,” Robert said, gesturing at himself.”

“Smug git.”

“I thought I could try on those lacy things you got me.”

Aaron’s mouth fell open slightly and he nodded. “Yeah.”

“Anyway,” Robert said, somehow managing to get to his feet with Aaron still clinging to him, “I also got us tickets to Barcelona. We leave tomorrow. Don’t worry, your mum is babysitting. All you have left to do now is open your card. It’s on your pillow.”

Aaron was half-way up the stairs before Robert finished speaking.

[idle-flower]

Dear Yuletide Author - 2019

Thank you for your time and attention, and I hope your wishes are granted this holiday!

Likes:

I prefer plot and angst and adventure to fluff, though a nice warm fluffy scene can make a good dessert at the end of the pain and suffering. I lean more to f/f and m/f than m/m. I enjoy forbidden relationships. I love exploring the 'what if' spinoffs of a small change in a canon. I swoon for lovers who take dramatic risks to protect their loved ones.

I also enjoy detailed description of clothing/furniture/jewelry/pretty things in general. Not just heaping up brand names, but sensory detail.

Dislikes:

Please avoid sweeping tropey AUs like 'what if noir' or 'what if everyone was in high school'. I'm REALLY picky about comedy so it's probably not a good idea to go for wacky funny stuff. No excited rambling about pregnancy or babies. (Older kids are okay.) While I am okay with pretty dark stuff, please don't gorily torture characters to death on screen. If people gotta die, limit the details! I am generally not keen on crossovers. I dislike PWP unless it is exceedingly hot smut (see below).

Smut:

I don't require it, but I do read a good bit of filthy porn.

Kinks I find interesting: mild bdsm, pain mixed with pleasure, dubcon, sibling or cousin incest, strap-ons, futanari and other magical appendages, teasing, teenagers, drugs/magic with interesting effects, people making terrible decisions due to being emotionally overwrought or really really horny

DO NOT WANT: 

rape or painful sex that one party is not enjoying at all, inserting anything edible (licking off boobs is okay), aggressive face-fucking, choking, degradation, scat/watersports, bukkake, parental incest, anyone younger than teen, emphasis on 'virgin blood' (some writers make it a huge deal with tearing pain and fountains of blood, please don't).

---

Poison Ivy (1992 film)

Sylvie Cooper, Ivy

I was struggling through the confusions of puberty, Ivy was hot, this film left an impression on me. In a way it's perfect as it is, and trying to build any sort of happy ending for Ivy feels out of place, but on the other hand there's a lot of loose ends left after the story.

Throughout the film, there's a lot the audience never knows about Ivy, including her legal name. Did Coop know it? (Maybe, probably.) Did her father? (Quite possibly not). How do they handle all the legal responsibilities of her death? Were Ivy's stories about the aunt she was staying with true? How do they break the news?  How does her funeral go?  

What do Sylvie and her father have to say to each other about Ivy after the truth comes out? Does he admit everything that he did? How does he handle the guilt? How do they rebuild their relationship?

What is school like, afterwards? What rumors escape? How does Coop handle them?

Or - what if Ivy survives the fall? Seriously injured, possibly paralysed, but alive? How do they deal with her, once the truth comes out? Do they cover up her crimes? Do they keep her in their home? What happens to their relationships?

For AUs, what would have happened if Ivy had met Coop when they were several years younger, so she couldn't get her hooks into Darryl as easily? What if they met at summer camp and Ivy was just as messed-up and needy but the situations were different? What if the movie plot is actually a fantasy younger-Ivy spins about her future to her fascinated-and-appalled friend, who then has a chance to react to it?

Bittersweet endings are good here but I don’t mind it going all dark if you feel like it. Too happy would just feel wrong.

Smutwise, I'm fine with Sylvie/Ivy, I'm okay with Darryl/Ivy but I would rather he not be the focus of the story (Sylvie catching them having sex has possibilities, or Ivy thinking about Sylvie while seducing Darryl)

---

Xanth - Piers Anthony

Jenny Elf, Gwendolyn Goblin

I have an ulterior motive, I badly want to insert some gayness into Xanth after the author has tried so hard to make it impossible, even allegedly threatening magical straightjackets to cure homosexuality. And it is difficult to think of a good f/f pairing because female characters in Xanth are almost completely obsessed with flashing their panties and attracting men. Almost the only good female friendship actually on-page (as opposed to a vague comment that Ivy and Nada used to hang out) is Jenny/Gwenny, who are best friends.

The events of The Color Of Her Panties even provide some possible groundwork to build on. They've been raised together in the care of centaurs who have different views on morality/sexuality than humans do. They're forced to think about sex and be inducted into the Adult Conspiracy together. Gwenny's new contacts mean that she starts seeing other people's sexual fantasies (and Jenny does too, for a while). They're bound to have some good girly gossip on the subject at some point, talking about what all these weirdoes are into and trying to figure out what the appeal is! Or some simple "ugh boys are gross, especially goblin boys" that leads to pushing them closer together. (Well, Che is quite different from the goblin boys, and I'm not totally opposed to including him, but my ulterior motive makes me more interested in Jenny/Gwenny as a couple than all of them as an OT3.)

I basically stopped reading the series at that point so please don't refer to plot developments and characters that came later in the series. I know that both girls are married off to men eventually in canon. Don't care.

Straightforward romance: Gwenny relies on Jenny to cheer her up and help her relax from her duties. Romance blossoms! Simple.

Silly fluff: Gwenny and Jenny visit the Pantry, try on tons of lingerie together, have a ridiculous slumber party and pillow fight, end up snogging... maybe they even accidentally found Dolph and Electra's honeymoon chamber.

For a slightly more dramatic plot, Gwenny's bound to feel like she has to marry and have a child because goblins have hereditary rulership. She also knows all the good and bad sides of that - she would never have come to power without those rules, but those rules also made her bastard half-brother a threat when he would have been a terrible leader. And she knows that true family is what you choose, not just an accident of birth. Will she decide that she has to have a husband? Will she decide that she cannot have a husband, who might threaten her power, but must give birth to a child for the succession? (And hey, magic can be involved, this is Xanth, she can TOTALLY have Jenny's baby somehow) Or what about adoption?

If you smut it, I don't care if they're still as young as they were in TCOHP (but no younger). I'm also fine with them being older. I would rather not do any temporary sex-change because that defeats my ulterior motive, but weird uses for Xanth-style magic stuff could be entertaining.

If the real-world implications of Jenny Elf bother you, I'll settle for Ivy/Nada, but that's going to need a lot more imagination to get a satisfying story out of it. How does their friendship develop between Isle of View and Man from Mundania, other than gossipping about their respective brothers? Do they have any adventures? How does Ivy cope with Nada's occasional self-destructive tendencies? How does Electra fit into their group?

---

Fern Capel - Jan Siegel

Any

This is a tall ask, since this book series doesn't seem very well known here, and the writing style is hard to match. On top of that, I've got a love/hate relationship with the series.

I adored the first book. I liked the rest of the trilogy... up to the ending WHICH I HATED. I detest reset-button plots, and I find "just let me forget everything" resolutions to be unpleasantly reminscent of suicidal inclination. Life is making choices and carrying on and learning how to deal with the consequences. We don't get to wipe out our histories. They're part of us. Also, choosing to stop fighting evil as long as you and your friend can be safe is... I don't want to say cowardly, because it's human, but it's very unsatisfying as the end of a heroic story.

I want a fix-it. Somehow. Anyhow. Rewrite the universe, change the events of the third book. Give me an ending with hope. Doesn't have to be super-happy, can acknowledge that the fight against darkness can never be 'won' and we'll all die in the end, but we carry on regardless and we find some joy in the world we live in on the way.

Find Fern another way out of her dilemma - or rewrite enough of the plot that she doesn't feel so hopeless to begin with. Let Fern love again! Let her _really_ love, let her experience different kinds of love and find them all valuable rather than holding on forever to what she's lost.

Any sort of story taking place within this world could be nice to read.

Other things that might be entertaining - reincarnate Morgun? Trap Morgus in a harmless, powerless body and force her to interact with the world until she learns to be less evil (which will take centuries)? I tend to enjoy ancient evils forced to be helpful and friendly (while being very bitter about it). Get Will and Gaynor together? Get Will, Gaynor, and Fern all together (sharing non-incestuously)? Let Fern find an older magical woman, a mother-witch type, who is kind and understanding and supportive, so she no longer has to feel like she's the one bearing all the knowledge and responsibility alone? Fern never really relaxes. What would it take for her to be safe and happy and still herself, rather than giving it all up?

DNW: Will/Fern.

---

Anyplace Anywhere Anytime - Nena ft. Kim Wilde (Music Video)

Any

So when I first saw this video, I thought, "OMG that is absolutely 90s White Wolf / Vampire the Masquerade. And kind of gay!" And that's basically what I'm requesting. Dark urban fantasy romance in the streets of London (or some other European city with gothic churches around). A story that has the feel of this video, whether or not it's a direct connection. Bring all your darkest teen vampire angst fantasies, let them run wild, and give them a happy ending (because this isn't a sad song!)

Desirable elements: lesbians (please!) vampires (please!) people wearing sunglasses (including at night, to hide their inhuman eyes) people wearing black leather, with extra straps and buckles and spikes trenchcoats fishnets - possibly even full-body stiletto boots dancing/nightclubs staff fighting, maybe some sort of ritual challenge for position forbidden romance, which somehow works out

Could be cool: time travel (but not a full Dark crossover please) reincarnation a lyric drop - either "anyplace, anywhere, anytime" or "I'll build you a castle of sand" (yes, I know that's a little awkward in English but if they're vampires maybe someone's first language isn't English, and it needs 'castle of sand' rather than 'sandcastle' to be a proper lyric drop IMO... Or you could just say it in German to begin with.)

DNW:

tragic dead lesbians at the end of it. NO BAD ENDING FOR THIS PLEASE.