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galene-gothic · 2 months

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𝖶𝗁𝗈 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎, 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒?

୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱

˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗ PAID SERVICES

Today we'll take a look at:

- your surface level personality/image

- your inner world

- your soul energy

︎︎⊹ ! ೀ Pile 1 ꒱

꒰ Your surface level personality/image ꒱

You seem to be struggling a lot and even others can see it or at least that’s your image. People think that you have an unwelcome community or no community at all. Even if you have friends, they could leave you out or you feel that way, or others can witness it or this is something of the past. You may feel a strong need for a sense of belonging which could lead to you overextending and being very welcoming, and gullible. However, despite this, you seem to be a bit isolated and seem to need solitude. You seem to be pretty comfortable with being by yourself. You definitely have those who think you are ‘all talk, no action’. People think that you’re judgmental and also have a tendency to overthink, that you have a tendency to overanalyse situations and people. There are people who think that you have unrealistic ideas without much planning or preparation. All of this may have been discouraging to hear but one thing is that you’re not perceived the way you actually are and that is okay, you are currently waiting for some sort of change but you’ve learned how to be patient by now. It’s not like you’re ‘all talk, no action’, you’re just patient and taking things one step at a time. You have learned how to go with the flow and are doing so for now, it’s just that others aren’t being able to see how you’ve cleared obstacles one after another and have had major expansion in comparison to your past. Your hard work is paying off little by little but you’ve not received all the rewards yet. Continue celebrating how far you’ve come, others just don’t know anything about you and your life. They think that you’re not doing well mentally and emotionally, that you’re at a rock bottom. It’s funny how people have such different perspectives of you than who you truly are. You look at it as even if those endings, hurt and situations were hard, you transformed a lot from it and you’re still in a transition period. You’re still letting go and changing. You’ve not fully gotten used to the new beginnings but you’re having a lot of them. Despite the negative feelings that tend to come forth, the fear and sorrow, the cycles have finally ended.

꒰ Your inner world ꒱

YES!! I’m so happy, I was right! Those who think negatively of you based on your surface level personality believe the same about themselves. They think that you’re ‘all talk, no action’ because they know they themselves are ‘all talk, no action’. You have a really rich inner world. At this point, you value balance, i.e. giving and receiving equally. Two people can go through the same or at least similar situations and turn out to be completely different. I wonder if you come from fairly humble beginnings, your family or you had a bankruptcy, you didn’t have a parent so you took up a lot of responsibilities, you grew up with your guardians instead of parents, started earning young or weren’t given much money (it could be a situation similar to all these examples). Even if you did come from a well off family, there was some sort of instability. There was a point when you probably didn’t have anything or didn’t have much. Also, you seem to have lost a lot, many people, things or you may not have had much to lose to begin with. I’m definitely getting that you felt unsupported by others and alone. I’m getting this in every sense, i.e. financially, mentally, physically and emotionally. Your health was bad at that time too. You didn’t look good physically (because you weren’t) and neither did you feel good internally. The loss of connections at that time was the worst thing that they could have done to you because these people definitely weren’t doing things for the sake of their peace or anything of that sort, they wanted to create chaos and pain for you. This is your confirmation that they wanted to break you down, they wanted to knock you down to a peg. You are too kind and strong though, despite all the difficult times and changes, you went within yourself to find answers and move forward. Despite all the distress that you had to experience, the moment you gained just a little more stability, you started wanting to give to others and become more good charactered. You’re grateful for what you have and try to treat everyone equally, and with respect. You already share resources from the good of your heart but you’re focused on your investments, you’re focused on building your money. You’re trying to be responsible and are generous, kind and truly valuable because you value the right things, and you also try to grow and live by certain values, morals and virtues within yourself. However, your past still is affecting you mentally because you were thrown under a bus and you’ve gotten used to thinking about it 💀. The metaphor I’m getting is that you were strolling with your group of best friends or your lover (possibly both) you had their best interests at heart and thought they had the same for you too but suddenly, in the blink of an eye, you were thrown under a bus. It was really difficult to even comprehend, the wheels crushing your bones, the confusion, until you eventually passed sway and when you woke up, you didn’t have those loved ones around you, you found out that your feet aren’t working anymore, you didn’t even receive a call from them to ask about your whereabouts and needs but instead, they started making memes about how you’re unable to walk now. You were hurt, betrayed, lonely but little by little, you tried to walk and even though it took you some time, you started being able to stand by yourself, then you started walking until you were finally sprinting. That’s just a metaphor but it was not an exaggeration, whatever those people did to you was the same level of betrayal that I’ve written in the example above (regardless of whether you realise it or not). You have a scary deal of determination but you also have a lot of energy towards those situations (in the form of aggression and anger) even if you don’t realise it.

You’ve had many revelations and still continue having them. You’ve started seeing the truth about past people and situations. All of you here lead different lives but you’ve learned how to find abundance right where you are. Some of you have good connections, some of you are progressing in your careers, some of you don’t have either of those but what you do have is that inner abundance. You have a strong desire and even daydream (possibly even literally dream) about community, healthy love, a happy family, a happy relationship, good friendships, etc. You already feel as though you have a fairly supportive work and personal environment. You’ve learned how to be emotionally content without experiencing all the highs and lows just because they might be exciting. You value belonging and long term commitments. Despite this, there are times when you get excessively negative though. You have a tendency to hold onto trauma and haven’t fully escaped your past yet. You can definitely feel a bit bitter at times. You also have a tendency to at times, let your emotions overpower your logic and at other times, let your logic overpower your emotions. Emotionally, you love unconditionally but your definition of unconditional love isn’t unconditional as in “even if you disrespect me and don’t love, I’ll still love you” but instead it is “I care about your well-being even when I’m angry at you”, “I love and respect you even when we are fighting”, “I accept your shortcomings for you are also a human”, “no matter how much we change, I’ll always love and devote myself to you”. Your emotions are also something that helps you express yourself better. When you love someone, you wish to express it wholeheartedly. You love everyone like a mother would their child, you’re incredibly giving and have a universal love. I wouldn’t be surprised if recently you’ve developed a love for kids or at least, you always have had compassion for kids and felt strongly against beating kids to discipline them, etc. You’re divine, not only do you love like a mother would their child but you also love like a child would their mother. For a child, their parents are all they know and usually even though times are changing and women work too, fathers still aren’t that actively engaged with kids, so it’s the mother that the child is strongly attached to. When you love someone, you give all of yourself to them and expect the same from them. You also have a praise kink ahahaha. It’s okay, don’t be embarrassed, I’m openly claiming to be one of your kind 😔. You have an innocent way of loving and desire to have people praise you. You are fun loving when you love people, with both friends and lovers. You trust them and can be quite naive to be honest because a child does usually naively trust people and especially they trust their own mother blindly. You’re extremely affectionate and tender, also so sensitive to little things. You could have had a parent, guardian or teacher not prioritise your gift to them or brush your affection off at least once if not multiple times and you’ve unconsciously carried it with you. It was especially bad when you were younger, if someone didn’t react the way you wanted them to, you would feel hurt and it would just make you think. You also develop a psychic connection with those you love, trying to and almost always successfully understanding their wants and needs. You are the type to send soft messages, say kind and sweet words, play around, touch them innocently, etc. Gosh, we don’t deserve you. Just looking at your inner world makes me want to love you and desire your love.

꒰ Your soul energy ꒱

Your soul is going to have to deal with a lot of pessimistic moments. However, the best way that you’re going to learn how to deal with them is by being optimistic. You’re going to experience the most exciting situations going sour and turning out wrong. It’s all so that you learn a certain level of detachment and realise that it’s not that you can’t control anything, it’s that nothing can control you, it’s not that you can’t own anything, it’s that nothing can own you. Just the way the cloud covering the sun doesn’t mean the sun isn’t there, that the sun isn’t the sun, it’s just a cloud that will pass by in its own time. Anything that causes you to not be yourself, anything that causes you to not be seen as yourself by others, i.e. the brightest star in our universe, it’s going to pass by in its own time too. Your soul has signed up for trying multiple times. Which means that your soul has also signed up to experience failures before you finally succeed. You’ll notice that the way your life works is - first you go down, then you eventually rise up, then you go down again and while most people would stay down, you rise up even higher. You’re someone who doubts people’s loyalty and well, unfortunately your soul has signed up to deal with conflicts here and there in your partnerships so that you can work through the trust issues that you’ve carried throughout other lifetimes. You’re going to have to learn overtime that a lost love isn’t real love because real love wouldn’t give up on you just the way you wouldn’t give up on them. Your soul is here to grow and expand, past all these issues. You’re supposed to learn how to just be, to just live in the present moment without any reservations and fears. You’re supposed to put your past behind and move forward while applauding your baby steps and how far you’ve come instead of being all impatient. The cycles that you experience, especially in the earlier stages of your life will come to end with many delays. There are going to be days when you’re left empty handed, also days when you won’t see major wins as victories. Don’t blame yourself for having been emotionally attached to your past at some point, you are supposed to learn how to not waste your life away for moments that have fleeted away. You’re supposed to learn how to not seek closure, how to find closure within people’s character and actions. “Pay attention to people’s actions and you’ll never be fooled by words.” You’re going to suppress pain and anger at some point, eventually overcoming a lot of trauma and emotional pain. You’re going to learn how to free yourself from unnecessary emotional energy and are going to forgive yourself, others and situations for the sake of your own peace. There is definitely going to be a point when you refuse to move on though. Until you finally accept the truth of the situation and move forward with strength. If you’re single, it’s because your type is yourself 😔. You’re emotionally mature, compassionate, caring, empathetic, wise, tolerant, loyal, devoted and passionate, and these are the same qualities that you desire in a partner. You strongly desire the affection of someone who’s emotionally mature and intelligent, and makes a good counsellor. You want to have a partner that’s better than you in some way so that you can learn from them. You want to be able to act like a brat at times. You want them to be empathetic and kind, and understand the matters of the heart by themself. You want them to be open to supporting others and especially you. You want a kind and respectable partner because you are the same way and growing to take on more and more of that identity.

︎︎⊹ ! ೀ Pile 2 ꒱

꒰ Your surface level personality/image ꒱

You seem to be exploring multiple possibilities and options, often finding it challenging to choose a single path. This can lead to confusion and a sense of being overwhelmed by the choices in front of you. However, this exploration is a crucial part of your decision-making process. People might perceive you as indecisive or lost in daydreams but in reality, you're weighing your options and considering all possible outcomes. You may find yourself feeling stuck or encountering delays. Your usual swift movement and energetic pace might seem hindered. This stagnation can be frustrating, leading others to think that you're not making progress. Despite this, you are learning to adapt and move forward at a different pace, which is necessary for your long-term growth. It’s essential to understand that this period of slower movement is temporary and will eventually lead to greater momentum. You still need more experience for spirituality, emotions and love. You might feel hesitant to express your emotions fully, leading to misunderstandings or perceived miscommunications. Others might see you as inexperienced or lacking in depth in these areas. However, this is a period of learning and growth for you. You're developing a deeper understanding of your emotional landscape and how to articulate your feelings better. This phase is crucial for your emotional and creative development. You have a tendency to overanalyse situations and people, reminds me a lot of the previous pile, you may have been drawn to it. You may be too busy on certain aspects of your life which leads you to not having time to focus on the other aspects. You seem to lack direction right now but I would say that as long as you have your priorities straight and make decisions from your heart, you’ll be fine. I think that you have a slow moving body, you seem to give slow reactions but there are other days when you give impulsive and hyperactive responses? It’s quite endearing honestly. Supposing a football was about to hit you but it hit the wall instead, on some days you’ll just stand there and not react much, not even say anything, just blink a few times and go on with your day while on other days, you’ll be like “if this ball had hit me, I swear whoever kicked it!” while waddling around the football field. I’m getting that while others may not fully understand your journey or the depth of your experiences, it is clear that you are on a path of significant personal growth. Keep celebrating your achievements and know that you are progressing, even if the rewards are not yet fully visible. Your hard work and patience will eventually pay off, leading to a more fulfilling and balanced life.

꒰ Your inner world ꒱

This is crazy. Much like the previous pile who were perceived a certain way by other people but were strongly of substance. It’s the same for you. You’re incredibly humble naturally but you still make the conscious effort to maintain and create more humility within yourself? I’ve just started reading this part but I already respect and admire you so that speaks for itself. You could have a few conservative beliefs here and there or just views that are considered to be ‘conservative’ but are actually just basic human decency? It’s very natural for you, you have these qualities innately within yourself and you unconsciously, subconsciously and consciously look for these qualities as well. You really value loyalty ‘stereo heart’ by Gym Class Heroes is playing. You’re not exactly satisfied with your current state of wealth, status and success but you still continue to carry yourself with your head held high. You want something more but you’re not underestimating the journey to get there. You understand just how precious the present moment is and you try your best to appreciate it to the best of your abilities. You’re committed to your present duties and responsibilities while still reaching for more because you understand that doing the best with what you’ve got is the only way to live a life without many regrets. You’re very human and you accept that, that’s a great part of your charm. You know that regrets are inevitable but you still try to make the most out of life. You’re very reliable and loyal. You have dreams but know how to have realistic expectations or even if you have big dreams and unrealistic expectations, you internally have the awareness of that so you aren’t discouraged when reality isn’t living up to such dreams, hopes and expectations. Plus even if you have big dreams before starting to work on a certain goal, once you start the goal, you’re able to appreciate your little steps. You also become very duty focused and wanting to do the best so instead of focusing on what you don’t have, you end up feeling good about how much you do/did and what you did manage to have. “Mindset so good even my failures are a success.” You are strong willed and are currently more interested in financial stability than romance. I’m not getting it being anything superficial. You’re an incredibly well rounded person who would love a stable and loving connection, it’s just that you are a person who understands that you have this one life to live and you don’t want to have a futile life where you didn’t even make the most out of your own potential. Also, your goals seem to be more within your reach than romance. You want romance and relationships in general (platonic ones as well) to not be forced so you’re just patiently working on yourself. You have a grounded approach to success as well.

You aren’t the type to be like “once I become rich, I’ll hang out with successful and rich people, I’ll fly in the sky and forget everyone”, instead once you become successful, you’ll make sure to give credits to those who deserve it. “Thank you for instilling me with such values in the short time that we spent together, I promised to lead a virtuous life back then, maybe not out loud but within myself to honour you. You deserve a large chunk of credit for my success and once again, I promise to lead a virtuous life.” Once you’re rich and successful, you’ll be sure to bow down to those who serve you, to the community, to those who have raised you, to those who are younger, to those who are older, to those who are growing. ‘End of beginning’ by Djo is playing. I feel like there was a certain group of people that you really loved. The feeling that I’m getting is a childlike warmth and fun. It definitely seems to be a whole community with one person or a few people being the most memorable. You seem to have a lot of love for people in general and now that you’re growing, you are more appreciative of those who raised you and taught you certain things despite their own shortcomings but these people touched you on a different level in a very short time. It’s not like you don’t have appreciation for those you’ve grown up with and those who have always been around you or anything like that, it’s just that the tenderness, warmth yet firm boundaries and tough love you received from this community or maybe a certain person/group of people within this community has caused you to become more soft internally yet firm in your approach to the world yet kind, and very comfortable with your internal values of loyalty, living life to the fullest, stability, being virtuous as though it’s your duty, etc. I just heard that their humble and down to earth ways gave you a new life. They seem to be people who you are not around anymore but the warmth and love that they gave you and you have for them remains within you. This is so heartwarming. Some of you may think that you were at your worst when you received their affection, warmth, kindness and love, and it is true for many of you but just think about how loveable you must be to be loved so tenderly, warmly and deeply when you were at your worst. Due to your desire to be a certain kind of character, when you feel as though you didn’t live up to such ideals, you have a tendency to be a bit hard on yourself. You may have felt as though you had really strayed away from your morals at that time, that you had failed to maintain self respect, respect for others, your own morals and values which led you to being a disrespect-able person at that time but think about it, just how respectable of a person you must be to be respected and loved by such kind, courageous (because it takes courage to be kind and loving) and respectable people.

You deserve the world, you’re so precious. You have practical goals and planning, you’re also working hard and remaining patient right now. You’re a diligent person who is creating a stable and strong identity, and future for yourself. You try not to slack off your habits because you understand that your habits make up your identity. Think about it like this, if I smoke for a few days, that might be just for fun, due to peer pressure or something but soon that smoking will likely turn into something more, an addiction to say the least. Soon enough, my identity becomes that of a smoker. “Galene is a smoker.” Externally and action wise, you seem to be pretty well tempered. While, you may get angry here and there, when it comes to even big things, you just deal with them instead of complaining. You’re approaching life with optimism and passion. You also have your own personal philosophy through which you go through life. You’re pretty flexible right now and are just trying to be more harmonious, and cooperative. You are not aware of it but you have a lot of faith in the divine timing of things. You naturally believe and act as though things will turn out to be fine in the end, and are being pretty calm about whatever might be happening. You are just trying to remain grounded and in flow with life. You’re trying to stay true to your purpose and seem to be able to find contentment right where you are, even though you’re trying to reach for more. You have become pretty divine ahaha, you have a natural love for humanity or at least act with it. You’re looking at your life as your journey and just going through it, doing your best. This is very specific but I’m picking up on a man or a guy? I’m not sure who this is but at least one or two of you have learned from them to the point you have become them to a certain extent. Is this someone from that community setting from earlier? This person has affected you positively though. I’m getting something about your standards here. This person has raised your standards significantly. You look for stability, efficiency, mental strength, discipline and safety in your romantic connection and connections in general. This person was really wise and you’ve grown to be really wise. You have always been wise but just hadn’t been able to embrace that wisdom but you are doing so now. You also look for wisdom in your companions especially within your partner. This person looks incredibly sexy when angry. You are both very passionate individuals but your fuse used to lose when you were around them but regardless the connection between the both of you is beautiful. There was a telepathic bond. “Real recognises real”, they recognised your greatness at the worst time of your life. You have grown to become a lot like this person, likely because they actively tried to instil certain qualities, values and virtues within you. They did so because they had faith in you. Be grateful, you’re such a great person, you have great people see your brightness even when you are at your dullest.

꒰ Your soul energy ꒱

Your soul’s energy is one where your mind is often filled with hesitation and uncertainty. There are moments when you feel a lack of inspiration and motivation, which can make it difficult to start new projects or pursue your passions. This might lead to frustration and a sense of being stuck. However, this energy also leads to teaching your soul the importance of patience and the value of waiting for the right moment to act. It's a lesson in finding your inner spark even when the world feels dim. There’s a layer of complexity to your mental energy. It signifies that your mind is deeply influenced by your relationships and connections with others. You have a strong desire for harmony and unity, and your thoughts often revolve around how to maintain balance and peace in your relationships. This can sometimes lead to overthinking and indecisiveness as you weigh the pros and cons of every situation. However, it also highlights your ability to understand different perspectives and your commitment to nurturing meaningful connections. You are someone who was probably a victim of thinking about others before yourself due to how much you loved them (in the past). Your physical energy and actions are marked by a tendency to be cautious and sometimes overly defensive. You are meant to struggle with impulsiveness and a lack of direction in your actions. You will find yourself starting many things but not always following through. This is going to lead to frustration and a feeling of unfulfilled potential. However, this energy also brings a lesson in self-awareness and the importance of planning and thoughtful execution. You’re someone who is deeply involved in the present moment with those you love. Wanting to delve into that love, indulge it wholeheartedly. Due to this, you create really sentimental connections and memories. Even after you grow, you will find yourself functioning from a very childlike form of love and connection, not just that, your actions will be very childlike too. This is going to manifest in all ways, you’re going to be loving and affectionate like a child, sensitive like one too (to the actions and words of those you love) and also having fun, playing, and finding joy in simple things like a child.

Which is why, at some point, you’ll find yourself being deeply connected to your past. You will often find yourself reminiscing about earlier times and drawing comfort from familiar activities and routines. This nostalgia will hold you back from fully engaging with the present at some point, but when you learn how to deal with it and be present, it will provide a rich source of joy and grounding. Embracing the lessons from your past will help you build a more secure and fulfilling present. Emotionally, you tend to hold on tightly to what you have, whether it’s material possessions, relationships or beliefs. You might struggle with letting go and trusting the flow of life. This can lead to feelings of isolation and a fear of change. However, this energy also teaches you the value of stability and the importance of setting boundaries to protect your emotional well-being as you grow. You’re going to have nurturing and sentimental connections that might be short term, likely in community settings, most likely not romantic because you’ll love everyone from that community due to how warmly you feel towards them but leave you touched forever, you’ll learn really valuable lessons from them. You’re have probably already experience deep emotional wounds and heartbreaks in this lifetime. These painful experiences shaped your emotional landscape, leading to moments of sorrow and grief. However, this energy also signifies great healing and growth which leads to lesson being learnt. Through these challenges, you are going to develop resilience and a deeper understanding of your emotional needs. This reading is a reminder that while pain is inevitable, it also paves the way for greater compassion and empathy. Your soul is on a journey of profound transformation. The challenges you face are opportunities for growth, teaching you patience, self-awareness and the importance of emotional resilience. Embrace both the light and dark aspects of your soul’s energy, as they both contribute to your unique and powerful journey.

︎︎⊹ ! ೀ Pile 3 ꒱

꒰ Your surface level personality/image ꒱

You are often perceived as hopeful and idealistic. You possess a sense of optimism and vision for the future that others find inspiring. People see you as someone who looks beyond the present difficulties and focuses on what could be. This perception can lead to others viewing you as a dreamer, someone who is always seeking out new possibilities and ways to make the world a better place. Your ideas are often seen as refreshing and uplifting, even if they seem a bit out of reach at times. People may feel that you have a unique way of thinking and that you bring a sense of calm and guidance, much like a beacon of light in the dark. However, this idealistic nature can sometimes be misinterpreted. Some might think you are unrealistic or too detached from practical concerns. They might see you as someone who spends too much time dreaming and not enough time acting on those dreams. This can lead to misunderstandings about your true intentions and capabilities. Despite this, your hopeful outlook and ability to envision a brighter future are strengths that set you apart and make you a source of inspiration for those who truly understand you. You are perceived as someone who has faced hardships but is in the process of recovery. They think that you’ve been through periods of struggle, possibly related to health, financial stability or general well-being. Others see you as someone who is working hard to overcome these challenges and improve your situation. This perception can evoke sympathy and admiration, as it shows your resilience and determination to rise above difficult circumstances. On the surface, people think that you have experienced exclusion or abandonment in some form, yet you are gradually finding your way back to stability. They notice your efforts to rebuild. This can sometimes be seen as a sign of vulnerability but it also highlights your strength in acknowledging and addressing your difficulties. People admire your tenacity and the steps you are taking to regain control of your life, even if they don’t fully understand the extent of your journey. Emotionally and spiritually, you are seen as someone who values deep connections and harmony in relationships. You have a strong desire for unity and mutual understanding. People perceive you as someone who is compassionate, loving and capable of forming meaningful bonds with others. Your emotional energy is often focused on creating balance and fostering positive interactions, which can make you seem very approachable and caring. You are seen as someone who thrives in partnerships and collaborations. You might have a partner right now? If not, when you do have love interests or even just talk about love, you talk about it in a very pure manner. Whether in friendships, family relationships or romantic connections, you are viewed as a person who brings people together and seeks to maintain harmony. They see you as someone who sometimes prioritises others’ needs over your own, sometimes to your detriment. While your surface-level personality and image may be misunderstood by some, it is clear that you are a person of depth, resilience and compassion. Your mind is a source of hope and inspiration, your actions reflect a journey of recovery and determination, and your emotional world is centered around creating loving and balanced connections. These qualities make you a unique and valuable presence in the lives of those who truly see you for who you are.

꒰ Your inner world ꒱

You’re healing and you’re aware of that. You’ve made some transition and you can feel the shift but what I need to tell you is that you don’t realise that you’re over it all. You are over it but it does not feel like so because not everyday is a fun, roller coaster ride. You’ve undergone empowering emotional changes. You have learned from your mistakes and have found the strength to move forward. You might be realising or may have realised that a lot of the love you received in the past was false. You may be realising that the love you felt then was the love that you were back then? I’m getting an acceptance of the fact that you almost always (if not always) got the shorter end of the stick. You’re interested in living originally, being true to yourself, instead of worrying about what people will say or what’s considered to be orthodox, or the right way of doing things. You have a strong sense of blind faith, as in you know that you’ll be fine? This blind faith doesn’t even seem religious, it’s just innate, it’s because you have great faith in yourself and the flow of life. You’re still changing your views as you’re still learning. “Maybe the happy ending was developing humility while still being proud of myself.” You have developed great humility in the past few years. You are going your own way. You don’t really have mentors or teachers, you’re just doing what you need to do, with whatever resources and knowledge you save or can find. While, you are humble and changing your beliefs, you’re not bending to other people’s beliefs because you have a knowledge of the kind of belief system you possess and wish to move forward with. Many of you contemplate religions a lot. You seem to know that there’s a higher power but for you, religion is trying your best to lead a righteous path. You’re also someone who is working really hard. You tend to get consumed by your work. Also, you prefer it being this way, you like to work in a space where you can be completely devoted, in a way you can be completely devoted, in a field that allows you to do so. Currently, you may not realise how much you’re doing because you’re doing multiple things. You should be more graceful with yourself. You lack elegance in the way you speak to and about yourself. You are critical of yourself and feel as though you fail to present yourself the way you wish to. You wish to be more refined in the way you present yourself. You should be a bit careful, you may be building great success little by little, you may end up with a lifestyle that is really hard to maintain. You’re putting a lot of emphasis on prioritisation and time management because you’re balancing multiple projects plus life outside these endeavours. When you work, you don’t just do things, you devote yourself to it, you pour your all into it. So when you work, you naturally end up putting a cherry on top of all that you were asked to do. You seem to be quite busy. I need to remind you that you don’t have time to waste but please take time to yourself.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this but please don’t start your day with TikTok or Instagram reels, there’s a lot of negative content on those platforms, it’s going to drag your vibe down. Your decisions require adjustments, even in your daily life because you have a lot to do. Everyday, you assess security, risks, calculating and speculating everything. You may be struggling with laze right now but despite this, you’re persistent on your path and growth. You have an inner satisfaction and contentment despite not necessarily being happy. You’ve learned how to think about yourself and put yourself first. You’re very reliable still and are willing to work for connections but now, you’re learning how to be more patient and less controlling with how things flow. You’ve also reached a point where if something is interrupting your peace, you just block it and try to shift your mindset to something better. You’re naturally very patient with people so you are keen on not letting those who are takers and talkers, and not givers and doers enter your life anymore. You’re practical and responsible so due to this, you consider the emotions of those around you. However, now you’re at a point where you don’t try to look at things from other people’s perspective anymore, you just remain practical and try to remain grounded within yourself. When you start focusing on the negative, it becomes really difficult for you to get out because it just pulls you in. You’ve learned a lot about life, you’ve learned how to live, you’ve learned how to be in the world and of the world. You still have slips here and there but I would say that you’re doing pretty well. You’re working for what you want. However, no matter how much you achieve, you feel like there’s always more to reach for, please take the time to assess and make sure that your desires come from the right place and mindset. You seem to be greatly committed to your career, goals, study and growth more than anything. As much as you would love a stable and healthy connection that you can just delve into, if you can’t find something, a connection worth investing in, you’re not interested in putting yourself in compromising situations. You’re emotionally attached to growing. You also tend to feel guilty when you don’t work or miss out on work for a few days due to your desire and almost a need to be, and feel as though you’re remaining consistent. You’ve value a bit more of a conservative approach to connections. You value fidelity, loyalty and strong yet humble, and grounded character in both you and the other person. You wish to have connections that are real, that are grounded, where you’re not looking at your phone when with each other, where you write and receive letters, give and receive flowers, and share and buy each other books. The conclusion is that, you’re very committed to and focused on your own growth and career, and when it comes to connections, you only want those that are long term and stable with trustworthy and reliable people. You’re doing well, all the best going forward!

꒰ Your soul energy ꒱

Right away, you’re bound for success and recognition. Your soul is on a journey of mastering inner peace and clarity. You'll face moments of conflict and competition in this lifetime, you likely already have but instead of being drawn into battles, you'll learn to seek harmony and understanding. You’ll experience many conflicts regarding competition besides the usual ego clashes. However, the thing is, as ambitious and growth focused you may be. I forgot to mention in the ‘inner world’ part of the reading but you value recognition and status. So, as much as you may care about these, you have a very grounded approach to these. You aren’t necessarily competing with people, you’re simply just trying to achieve what you want while you are going to have people in this lifetime who will compete with you over anything and everything. In fact, in the past, you may have been accused of being the competitive and inconsiderate one when in reality even your friends have been really competitive with you at some point. These experiences are here to teach you that true strength that comes from inner calm and being cooperative on the surface. Don’t get me wrong, you’re still very competitive, it’s just that your approach to competition is different. Due to how much others have competed with you, you may have felt the need to be competitive in the same or similar way that they were but you realised that you have an inner abundance that you used to function with but have gotten out of touch with. You’ll get back to your original approach to life and achievements, realising that it’s not about winning every argument or competition but finding peace within yourself and fostering it in your surroundings, regardless of whether or not you get what you worked for. Just as the clouds pass and reveal the sun, your challenges will pass and you'll shine even brighter. You’ll stop associating your self worth with how much you achieve. In your physical pursuits, recognition and success are just destined. Your hard work and persistence are bound to pay off and you’re going to have to celebrate many of your victories. Right now, you’re learning to accept compliments, praise and appreciate yourself and your achievements without doubting your worth. This phase of triumph is here to teach you the value of perseverance and self-belief.

Remember, it's not just about the accolades; it's about the journey and the resilience you've shown. Your soul has signed up for these moments to empower you to take bold steps forward. Emotionally and spiritually, your journey is deeply connected to love and meaningful relationships. You are here to experience profound connections that go beyond the superficial. Your soul seeks unity and balance, integrating different aspects of yourself to create a harmonious inner world. The lessons of love will teach you to make choices that align with your higher self and to embrace the healing power of love. Your soul's growth involves understanding that real connections are worth every trial and triumph, and that true love never gives up. You wish to merge with your loved ones especially romantically. You have a loving and considerate spirit that’s very genuine in nature, and you want to love people as if they were you, as if you are one. You wish to work with their best interests at heart so naturally, you wish to be loved in such a way too. You want to love people who see and treat you, and your connection like team and teamwork instead of working with self serving motivations. Your loving spirit is something that you’ll notice, never dies. You continue loving deeply despite how many times you may hurt because that’s just who you are. Gosh, you’re precious, never change yourself. Overall, your soul is on a transformative path, learning to find peace within, celebrate your successes and embrace the power of love. Each challenge you face is designed to help you grow and evolve. As you navigate through conflicts, rise in your achievements, and deepen your emotional connections, you'll discover your true strength in harmonizing your mind, body, and spirit. Trust that every step you take is leading you toward a higher purpose, and embrace the cycles of ups and downs, knowing each phase is a crucial part of your soul's growth and expansion.

#intuitive readings #pick a card #pac #tarot pac #pick a pile #pac reading #pick a photo

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ellecdc · 3 months

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hey, love! sooo i have a request (and im more than willing to wait for it, absolutely no rush). i'm having surgery in a couple weeks and it's nothing like life threatening or super serious but it's still a little scary and it's something that's going to make my very stubbornly independent self need to be dependent on other people for like two or three months. so i was wondering if you could do stubborn/independent reader in recovery, being taken care of by remus and or regulus cause i know they'd be very sweet and maybe a bit too helpful, like maybe reader even tries to do things that they aren't ready for yet because it's frustrating needing to rely on others but theres reassurance that it's fine to need help and it's better to take the help in order to have a quicker and better recovery. wanted to keep details vague so you can work your magic but i hope at least a little inspiring

lot of love!!! 🫶🫶🫶

best of luck with your surgery, love! hope it all goes well <3

poly!moonwater x fem!reader who is recovering from surgery not at all gracefully

CW: reader is stubbornly independent, discussion of surgery/post-op aftercare/stitches and incisions, fluff and comfort

By some absolute twist of fate, you’d actually been left alone for the first time in nearly five days.

You were unbelievably thankful for your two sweet, sweet boyfriends and the amount of care they treated you with.

But however thankful you were for your two sweet, sweet boyfriends, you were also quite fed up with their coddling.

You’re not sure what exactly it was that finally got them to leave you alone; it could have been your sharp tone when you told Regulus you didn’t want your pillows fluffed again, or the withering glare you gave Remus when he poked his head in to ask if you needed “anything else at all, sweet girl”, but you were almost certain it was when you finally dissolved into frustrated tears.

And so, five days after your appendectomy, you were finally, blissfully alone.

You had tissues on the bed beside you, the largest bottle of water Regulus could find on the bedside table, your books, the TV remote, and some crisps at your disposal.

It was heavenly.

But you know what would be even better? Ice cream.

In the two days you spent in hospital following your procedure, Regulus had to have spent nearly half your monthly rent on food, snacks, blankets, and other “post-surgery supplies” - which included the largest refillable water bottle you’d ever seen in your entire life.

It also included ice cream.

And while the boys had left the majority of your post-surgery supplies within your reach upon their retreat from your bedroom, ice cream could not, for obvious reasons, be left in your bedroom for your easy access.

But what were you going to do? Call them? Ask them to come bring you ice cream? And have to live with their smug ‘haha, see, you do need us’ faces? Well, that certainly wouldn’t do.

It had been four days since your surgery which left you with perhaps nothing more than a few teeny incisions along your stomach that they slapped a measly piece of tape over to keep shut - like hell that was going to slow you down.

So, you pushed your blankets off yourself with minimal effort. You took a deep breath and held it as you swiveled your hips so that your legs were hanging off the bed, letting it out as you twisted your torso to realign your body correctly. Not so bad, right?

You braced yourself again as you slid slowly off the bed, once again letting a lung-full of air out as your feet hit the ground.

Feeling quite chuffed at your accomplishment and unjustifiably confident that the hardest part was now over, you started on your task of retrieving ice cream.

You reminded yourself as you shuffled down the hallway that the doctor had said that walking each day was in fact good for your recovery, though you were certain that supporting yourself along the wall and unsupervised isn’t exactly what she had in mind when she gave you those instructions.

No matter, you were completely capable!

So capable.

The most capable.

And a measly case of stairs wasn’t going to change that.

You tried to recite the aftercare instructions the doctor had given you prior to being discharged, though you were admittedly still feeling a little drowsy at the time and it had been Remus who took dutiful notes as Regulus packed your bag.

Staring at the case of stairs that threatened your master plan of retrieving your well-deserved ice cream - in your most humble opinion, you did sacrifice an organ for it - you decided that if you couldn’t remember the doctor saying no stairs, that stairs were probably fine.

Likely fine.

Mostly fine.

Except the very first step you took had you flinching at the sensation of the tape tugging uncomfortably at your skin.

But once your other foot joined your first on the step, the feeling went away.

Okay, see? That was fine.

Not so bad.

Now you just have to do that… thirteen more times.

Thirteen…that felt like a lot.

But you weren’t supposed to look at obstacles in terms of wholes; you just needed to look at the next step.

Which was exactly one step.

You had already taken a step! Surely you could take one more!

Except a small whimper escaped your lips as you took your next step, your second foot joining the first rather quickly and clumsily in a hasty attempt to relieve you from the tugging of your taped up abdomen.

You had managed to wash, rinse, and repeat those steps for exactly six stairs before you started to wonder if the ice cream was really actually worth ripping your stomach back open.

You were eight steps away from the lower level of your townhouse, and six steps from the upper level where your salvation came in the form of your bedroom.

You had three options here:

1) Continue in your trek down the rest of the eight steps to your ice cream - dreams of ever returning to your bed be damned 2) Retreat to the safety of your bedroom and figure out how to haul yourself up onto the mattress 3) Ask for help

Still feeling rather petulant over the fact that you were very close to having to live through Remus and Regulus’ “I told you so” faces, you opted for option two, and pivoted on the stair in an attempt to retreat back to your bedroom.

Which would have been fine if the action of lifting your leg didn’t actually leave you feeling like the rest of your organs were about to spill out onto the staircase (which was very dramatic considering you weren’t even sure you could fit your own finger into the tiny holes dotting your abdomen if you tried; but that’s how it felt, okay?)

So, in the face of failure, you opted to choose a secret fourth option:

4) Sit on the staircase in defeat and accept your fate (death, probably)

“I’ll check, but if she throws a book at my face, you’re in charge of dinner.” You heard Remus call as he rounded the corner and started for the stairs.

You had your forehead resting on the spindles of the railing and watched as Remus made it up the first section of stairs to the landing before pausing when he turned and noticed you.

“Dovey! Are you okay?” He whispered in abject horror, bending down (causing his knees to crack audibly which made you feel even more wretched for worrying him) as he considered you.

“I’m fine.” You whined, hoping to gain some sympathy in your current state.

“What are you doing here?!” He continued, rubbing his thumb along your shoulder.

“Wanted ice cream…” You admitted rather reluctantly; shame prickled at your skin as Remus paused in his movements and his expression shifted from worry to one of shock.

His mouth flattened into a terse smile. “You’re kidding me.”

‘I really, really wish I was’ you thought to yourself.

Apparently, your response read loud and clear on your face as he let out a tired sigh. “Reg!”

You felt your own expression morph from shame to one of betrayal. “Now, why would you do that!?”

Remus barely had a chance to roll his eyes at you as Regulus appeared around the corner.

“Mon Dieu! Ce qui s’est passé?! Are you okay!?” He exclaimed as he spotted you sitting dejectedly on the stairs.

“I’m fine.” You answered at the same time Remus replied “She’s stuck.”

“What were you doing?” Regulus asked again, looking between you and Remus in bemusement.

“Being a brat.” Remus hissed quietly; his tone bordering frustration in a way you weren’t accustomed to being directed at you even as his touch remained loving and dutiful.

Horrified, you felt your sinus’ fill painfully as you hid your face between the spindles of the railing, blocking both boys from your view.

“I’m tired of being useless.” You whispered; your voice pinching audibly as your words nearly got stuck in your throat.

Remus let out a sigh as he let his one hand slide from your shoulder down to your hand, and the other rubbed at your knee affectionately.

“You’re not useless, mon amour; you’re recovering.”

“From a pretty major surgery, at that.” Remus added, earning him a derisive scoff from you.

“It’s not major surgery! It’s a very routine procedure and it barely left a mark on me.” You spat; recounting the doctors words from before your surgery nearly word for word.

“Ça suffit. An entire organ tried to kill you, amour, and it had to be removed.” Regulus offered.

“It was a stupid organ that we don’t even use anymore.” You added petulantly.

“And it was ripped from you nonetheless, dove. Listen,” Remus continued, taking your chin in his hand and directing your eyes back to him. “I know, I know you hate feeling reliant on us, and I also know that we like letting you rely on us perhaps a bit too much.” He paused to raise his eyebrows at you and you took in a shuddering breath. “But I think right now is one of those times you have to let us.”

You let an embarrassing sound escape the back of your throat as you tried to avert your gaze, but Remus strengthened his hold on your chin.

“You have to let us, baby.” He whispered again.

“My love, if you insist on doing things before you’re ready, you’re only going to hurt yourself which is going to mean you have to rely on us even longer.” Regulus continued as he sat beside you on the step, pushing a piece of hair behind your ear and trailing his finger down your neck.

“You wouldn’t want that now, would you?” Remus asked teasingly; one corner of his lips tilting upwards and pulling at the scar that you loved to watch dance across his face when he was most expressive.

You lifted your hand to run your finger along it, delighting in the slight blush that flooded Remus’ cheeks as he closed his eyes and relished in your touch.

“Qu’est-ce que tu voulais?” Regulus asked you then.

You let out a sigh in resignation and tilted your head to rest on Regulus’ shoulder. “Ice cream.”

Your head jostled from the gentle chuckle that left Reg at your admission as Remus beamed at you.

“Well, why didn’t you just ask?” He teased as he stood quickly - telling yourself that you weren’t jealous at all by his ability to move quickly and freely. “Wanna help our princess back to bed, my love?” Remus asked Regulus who was already standing and offering you his hands.

They both helped you stand and allowed you a moment to catch your breath and confirm you were alright before Regulus moved two steps below and got into position to give you a piggy-back-ride.

Remus waited until the two of you got to the top of the stairs safely before hurrying to the kitchen to procure your long awaited ice cream.

What would have likely taken you all day (had you been successful in your venture) took Regulus and Remus perhaps six and a half minutes before the three of you were propped up in your bed, each with a bowl of ice cream as Remus queued up your favourite movie.

“Merci, amour.” Regulus whispered into your hair before pressing a kiss to your head.

“What for?” You asked.

He smiled softly at you as he examined your face. “For letting us love on you.”

“It really is our favourite, you know?” Remus added.

And fortunately for you, you did know.

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klaus-littlestwolf · 10 months

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Lost Boys Sick!Mate Headcanon

(For whoever requested a Sick Mate Headcanon for the Lost Boys, I hope you enjoy this)

David

•David wants to change you immediately

•He hates seeing you sick, miserable or in any kind of pain and while most people wouldn’t believe David can be sympathetic, for you he very much is

•He has been trying to get you to turn for a long time and while this is a convenient way of convincing you, he really just wants you to get better

•David hasn’t been sick in…several hundred years. He’s the oldest out of the whole pack and so he remembers sickness the least of all of them, the only thing he can relate it to is not feeding for a long amount of time and he knows how painful that gets to be

•He would lay with you in the bed in the cave, whether you live with them in the cave yet or not, that is where you will be staying and you have no choice, he won’t let you be alone while you’re ill

•He often gives you massages whenever your muscles are achy, he knows how good it makes you feel and it makes him feel like he’s able to do something to help you, even if it’s just to relieve a small bit of your discomfort

•He’ll definitely make Marko go out to get you food, though he doesn’t know what kind of food since you keep insisting that you aren’t hungry

•David wants to care for you, he just has no clue how and if you weren’t sick as a dog, it might even be adorable how frazzled he is

Overall Grade of Care: 4/10

Dwayne

•Dwayne would be a major worrier every single time you get sick

•While he doesn’t remember what it’s like to personally be sick, he does remember his younger sister being sick when he was human and dying of a fever, so every time you’re even remotely warm he attempts to put you in an ice bath

•When you are bed ridden he is sure to make you stay in the cave, he’s always by your side and will often sit and read to you until you drift off to sleep

•He tries to keep you fed as much as you’ll allow with your upset stomach and he gives you plenty of water, to the point you wonder if vampires can survive being waterboarded cause you’re ready to kill him

•Dwayne is very much like David, he doesn’t know how to take care of a human that’s sick and he doesn’t understand that sometimes you just need to let an illness run it’s course

•Eventually he would buy some medicine at the store (Marko’s recommendation) and give it to you. He’s completely stunned by how quickly you finally fall asleep with how badly you’ve been coughing but the medicine works

Overall Grade of Care: 5.5/10

Paul

•Paul is chill when you get sick, he knows most of the time it’s just a little cold

•He gives you a few shots of whiskey and smokes a joint with you until you pass out, most of the time you wake up feeling better

•When you don’t however, he becomes frantic

•He will run around like a human having a manic episode. He makes sure you’re as comfortable as you can be, and if you’re not he goes to the store and buys more pillows and softer blankets. Hell get you new pajamas and more boxes of tissues than you’ll ever use

•He cleans the entire area you’re in as best he can in a cave, trying to get rid of germs that could make you sick all over again. It would be funny if you didn’t want to strangle him for moving so supernaturally fast that he makes you even more dizzy which makes your stuffy head hurt more

•He tries not to bother you too much, getting you to sleep as much as he can because apparently humans only heal when they’re sleeping so you need to sleep until you feel better

•He doesn’t quite understand that there’s a limit to how much NyQuil you can take

•Paul means well and he wants to help, he just goes too far with it most of the time

Overall Grade of Care: 7/10

Marko

•Marko is probably the best of the boys to have taking care of you when you’re ill

•He gets you medicine immediately and actually reads the instructions to give you the correct dosage

•He ensures you are comfortable in the bed, making sure to keep the blankets on when you’re cold and removing them if and when your fever gets too high

•When you’re too warm, which seems to be most of the time, he will strip to his boxers and crawl into bed with you, his cold skin making you feel better almost instantly

•He goes to the store and gets you whatever you want but also picks some things for you to make you feel better. He gets you your favorite tea bags to make you hot tea, the Chamomile helping to calm you and be able to sleep better, he also gets you some cans of coke to sip on when your stomach is upset

•He makes you soup everyday to keep you eating, even if you cant hold too much down, it’s not too heavy on your stomach

•Marko will also rent movies (and by rent I mean take them from Max’s store when he’s not looking) to bring back for you two to watch together to keep you entertained

•Marko was a human not too long ago, Paul being the only one younger than him, and he remembers very well how to take care of sick people, he is very good at making sure you get well as quickly as you can

Overall Grade of Care: 9.5/10

Lost Boys Masterlist

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razzledazzlebeach · 29 days

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Daryl Dixon took awhile to age mentally

As I read more and more analysis about Daryl and rewatch some of the earlier seasons, I wonder if it was intended for his character to have some kind of age regression issue. (I didn't do, like, extensive research, I just looked into some CPTSD and age regression signs on a few different sites, so this is just an idea I'm tossing out in hopes of hearing some other perspectives!)

The first situation that really catches my attention is his reaction to Merle being left in Atlanta. Now, obviously, this would be an incredibly emotional time for anyone and it's not entirely out of place to just say he was very distraught over the news and anyone could have reacted the same way he did. I just think that the specific way he did might have some signs. If you think about a grown man, especially one who was raised in a very macho household, you would assume that their reaction might be to storm out or yell at someone. Although Daryl did yell, he also started crying and pacing. It seemed almost as if he was having a full-on meltdown. Some signs of age regression are meltdowns (Ranting, shouting, insulting others, threatening others, whining, angry tears, or getting physically violent) that ring any bells?

I couldn't find a gifs of that exact moment :(

It probably didn't help that the entirety of the camp was staring at him as all of this happened. Temper tantrums can happen because someone is scared/ashamed and can't regulate themselves. (Like sensory overload.)

Another thing that I want to kind of address is the way Rick responds to Daryl when he's having these sorts of meltdowns. Throughout the series, and in the third episode, we see Rick bending down almost horizontally just so he can make eye contact with Daryl. He speaks to him like he's a child, and instead of feeling insulted, Daryl actually takes comfort in it and calms down!

"I'd like to have a calm discussion on this topic, do you think we can manage that?"

What is age regression?

We all know that Daryl was abused as a child, and trauma like that can sort of freeze the brain. This is a quote I really like that explains it: “It doesn’t necessarily make you stuck at a certain age, but instead, [you are] acting out the emotional wounding that happened at that age,” Lapides adds." People may start to regress because they are triggered or feel threatened, and an apocalypse seems like it would cause a constant trigger. Daryl might be reverting back to childlike behaviors as a trauma response. (honorable mention being the nail biting, but that's a bit of a reach) Shane being the way that he was could have also been a trigger for him.

One of the symptoms of age regression is overly clingy behavior. And you are probably thinking, "well, if there's anything Daryl has, it's not clingy behavior. He's a loner." I disregarded this too for awhile before I really thought about it. He is highly independent when he's doing things he's comfortable in, like being in the woods or going for runs. But when it comes to making decisions or being social, Daryl immediately clings to someone who he knows will do it for him. Most of his life he had Mere to hide behind. The most outgoing and shameless person alive. I don't think Merle ever asked Daryl his opinion on anything. He would decide, and Daryl would follow, and I think Daryl took a lot of comfort in that. So when Merle was gone, he latched onto Rick because he was the best choice. He knew Rick was a very righteous man who had plenty of leadership qualities. He knew Rick would make decisions for him, and give him directions.

Carol and Rick's mothering

Circling back to the way Rick would react to Daryl's outbursts, carol sometimes did the same thing. I know some people ship them, but honestly, at least in the earlier seaons, I got major mother/son vibes from the two of them. Especially when Beth died and she was trying to teach him how to grieve. The forehead kisses, the pookie nickname, all of it seemed to point in that direction. There was also another time Rick pulled the "Can we manage that?" move, and it was during Aiden and Glenn's fight in S5. He made sure to get low enough to make eye contact, and block his pacing. He kept telling Daryl that "We can't do this now." It all just looks a lot like he and carol are parenting Daryl, if only in moments where he is feeling intense stress and that trauma triggers.

Anyways, this was just a few ideas I was tossing around, and very clearly this in my first analysis lol, any thoughts?

#twd #age regression #character analysis #fictional characters #daryl dixon #twd daryl #the walking dead #carol peletier #rick grimes #shane walsh #childhood abuse #trauma response #trauma regressor

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chronicbeans · 8 months

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Platonic Alastor x Maladaptive Daydreamer Reader

Hehe not me self-projecting again! Anyways, these are kinda based on my own experiences, but I'm trying to make them more generalized.

TW: Maladaptive daydreaming, escapism, dissociation, mentions of depression and anxiety, brief mentions of compulsive behavior/OCD, invasion of privacy, manipulation, peer pressure, yandere-ish behavior (I believe he defaults to those behaviors, no matter the type of relationship), mention of cannibalism (this is Alastor we're talking about...), Alastor is a shitty toxic friend in this

• He's absolutely fascinated by the way your mind works. Even before he knows what is going on, or begins to get close to you, he can tell you are an interesting person. The way you look so distant, like your mind is checked out and flying to far off places without you, is something he hasn't seen before. He wants to pick and prod at your brain to see what's going on.

• He doesn't want to do so the easy way, though. No. Instead, he wants to drag out this process for as long as possible, and make sure you twist and squirm all the while. He loves to make people uncomfortable, after all! That's his specialty, in his opinion, besides his radio show.

• He'll start off with introductions, of course, which is probably when he first got interested in you. That dreamy look isn't so easy to see from a distance, after all. The second he looked into your eyes while shaking your hand, though, it became obvious. How hadn't he seen it before? If he saw this look when he first entered, he would've talked to you first out of the crew at the Hazbin Hotel. Well, besides Charlie... But, that's just because she owns the place.

•The uncomfortable prodding starts in an instant. One of his first questions after getting your name is not "What made you want to come to the hotel?" or "What can you provide to help the hotel?" It's more like "How did you die?", "What are your major vices?", and "What sin have you committed to be brought to Hell?" He wants to test the waters. See what he can get away with without completely scaring you off. If you run away and avoid him, it'd be harder to learn what he wants, and make you uncomfortable while doing so.

• Regardless of whether or not you answer, you are probably a little put off from him. Not enough to completely avoid him, since you can see how some of those questions might help him help the hotel, but enough to be uncomfortable... Which, in his opinion, is perfect!

• He's great at hiding, so if you start noticing him mentioning things you thought were private, you really shouldn't be surprised. He can, quite literally, hide in the shadows at times. He quickly takes notes of your little habits, including ones you might be embarrassed about.

• He may watch you pacing around your room, mumbling to yourself as if you are playing pretend all alone. Or, maybe, he's hiding over your shoulder while you're writing down some elaborate storyline. Perhaps he's watching you in plain sight, seeing you make a bunch of odd facial expressions at seemingly nothing. He may not know why you do this, but he wants to. He would've suspected some sort of substance use, considering it's Hell. Lots of people do so. However, he's never seen you near anything that would cause such behavior. So, that's off his list, for now.

• So, step 2 of his plan begins! As his good ol' pals Husk and Niffty to try befriending you! Or, at the very least, get information from you that you aren't comfortable telling him. Then, have them report back to him with their findings. Of course, Husk seems agitated by the request, but obliges. Niffty seems more than happy to do as he asks, though. A happy worker is a good worker, so he has more hope in Niffty getting the big story than Husk.

• Surprisingly, though, he's proven wrong. The most Niffty got was your fashion sense, favorite types of stories, and that you are very "quiet". Yes, the fashion and types of stories were new to him... But what he seems important, the reason you act so oddly, isn't there. Husk, however, was able to get a lot more out of you, somehow.

• Husk mentions you talking to him, one night, after he saw you skipping oddly down the hall and pass the bar where he was cleaning the glasses before closing it for the night. You seemed extremely embarrassed to have been seen, mentioning that you thought he was asleep already. He then just, politely asked a few questions...? And got answers? How?

• Alastor immediately demands answers, only for Husk to reply "I don't know how to describe it like they did! Most I understood is that they daydream too much. Seems like it's a constant thing going on. They like to pace and prance while doing so, sometimes, but don't like getting caught."

• Now it begins to make more sense... the writing, the talks about stories with Niffty, the prancing and pacing... and most importantly, that dreamy, distant look you have. He can even see why you'd make odd expressions. You're reacting to your own thoughts... He doesn't understand it. He's never heard of anything like this before, especially during his time as a human, but he can tell one thing for certain: You must be his friend, now. Whether you like it or not.

• You are so different from everyone else he's met, you see, and he loves things that go against the norm. Now, while you may or may not be considered normal or not too different by others, you're different and abnormal to him. You somehow succeed in both being polite, smart, and funny to mess around with, while also barely being able to pay attention to the world around you. He's always thought that those two things were mutually exclusive. How can you learn when you can't stop being in your own head? How can someone be polite and not listen? The funny part, though... He can kind of see that. He finds surprising you be sneaking up behind you and tapping your shoulder funny every now and again. Nevertheless, you are going to be his friend.

• Soon enough, you notice his behavior changing, a bit. Less following you around, less vaguely threatening words, and more... quiet. It's eerie, coming from him. However, you also notice him trying to talk to you about stories and books he's heard and read. Even things he's heard during his human life, such as Creole folktales and other stories he's heard in New Orleans, Louisiana back in the 1920s-1930s. It's a bit like a completely different side to him you never expected to see, and never really wanted to, but you aren't really complaining. It's better than him deciding to terrorize you for fun and him asking invasive questions...

• A little more time passes and he decides to ask about small habits, disguising them as him just now noticing those habits, when he's probably noticed them while spying on you months prior. Nothing too extreme. Mostly just your expressions, how it seems like your attention is somewhere else... Nothing like your pacing, prancing, or acting. He wants to establish that he knows about these tiny little things, and now that you're more comfortable with him, you're much more likely to answer. That way, once he moves onto the bigger, more personal questions, you'll already have been eased into feeling comfortable with it.

• Eventually, you get to the point where you feel comfortable calling him a friend. He's already considered you one since that conversation with Husk, but it's a start. Now, he's gotten the lovely privilege of being able to know more about what's going on in that lovely little brain of yours... well, "little" brain is definitely an understatement. From how you describe your imagination, he'd be led to believe your mind must be as vast as the Library of Alexandria.

• Vast worlds, complicated plotlines, complex characters... you talk of odd tales you've created, all in your brain. Ones you've had in your mind for years, some you came up with on a whim, and others, still, that are still being developed. Stories that have been being created over the span of real life years, ones you started then dropped... All of which are being held in your head, with only a miniscule fraction of it being written onto paper. He's truly impressed, genuinely respecting your odd talent, as he sees it. You've perfected the craft of creativity, while he's perfected the art of talking to an audience. Even better, is that he got to learn whether or not his theory of you taking inspiration from stories you've heard was right. Which explains his sudden mentions of stories he's heard in life.

• Now... if only you'd let him tell some of your stories on his radio show! If you wouldn't like that, then he'd probably ask you to write something for his show. That way, it isn't as personal to you, and you wouldn't even need to be credited if you're embarrassed by it! He could just say a random listener sent it in, and he thought it'd be great to read, to show his appreciation for his adoring fans. The world simply must hear the greatness of your mind, dear, and he is not going to stop annoying politely asking you to write something until you do.

• Another thing he might try is to see if he can figure out why you partake in this little habit of yours. He's never heard of it, though he has asked some sinners and demons if they have. Be it Charlie, Angel Dust, some of the other overlords, or a friend of his we haven't seen or heard of, before. More modern sinners keep mentioning a thing called Maladaptive Daydreaming, describing it as a symptom of other mental health diagnoses... but that's the problem. That fits you, you've mentioned that you know of that and it fits you... but that's also just a symptom. Well, a few argue that it may be its own thing, but it is not an official diagnosis yet. So, for now, he wants to figure out why you do it.

• Is it depression? Anxiety? Do you really want to escape from something, and you're doing so by hopping into that little dream land of yours? Is it some sort of compulsion? You seem to not really be able to control it that well, after all, and others have mentioned links to OCD, as well as other disorders that can cause compulsions. Is it sheer, absolute, chronic boredom? Speak to him, dear! What is it? Do you even know? If not, he'll assume it's the boredom option... for now.

• He's obsessed with you, really. You're his friend, and he's very obsessive over them, in his own way. He is as far away from normal when it comes to showing real affection for others, which wouldn't be bad, if it weren't for the fact that a main part of it is him being absolutely suffocating when he's around. That, and he can be terrifying... He's the Radio Demon, after all! It's just worse for you than his other friends, though, because you are different. Being different is a really important thing for him, really, alongside being polite, smart, and funny. Not required, unlike the last three traits, but it makes you more likely to be his friend. You hit the lottery by achieving being all four, but it must be the worst lottery prize in the world.

• He holds the thought that you should just be friends with him. Now, you don't have to be... but, he'd prefer it. If you really want outside friends, sure! You just can't be friends with his other friends. He claims they'd "taint" you with how violent they can be. Plus, since he's friends with other cannibals, some of which do serve sinner and demon meat to others without telling them, he genuinely does worry about your safety and wellbeing if you met those specific friends of his. For your friends, he wants to meet them. He needs to in order to deem them worthy of being your friend, and to make sure it's not someone he knows and is friends with. You deserve perfection, and who knows perfection better than Alastor, yes? After all, he can see that you're perfect. That is more than enough evidence, dear.

• You're one of the few people who he doesn't mind having your attention not on him. Part of your charm, in his opinion, is your lack of attention. All he asks is that you tell him about a story of yours. What is going on in your head that's so important? Oh, a great war between this and that? A psychological horror? Cities beneath the sea? Tell him about it. He finds it fun! Especially if he can see any possible inspiration from events or other stories. He likes to hear your voice almost as much as he likes to hear his own, which you'll realize is more of a compliment than it might sound like, once you truly get to know him.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin alastor #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor #alastor the radio demon #maladaptive daydreaming #alastor x reader #platonic headcanons

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transmascissues · 10 months

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some thoughts about top surgery recovery, as of 3 days post-op:

when they say using your chest muscles sucks afterward, i never realized exactly how much was going to be be limited. coughing, sneezing, hiccuping, laughing — all of it is terrifying right now. even talking for too long starts to put that kind of stress on my chest, and my voice isn’t as strong as it usually is. it takes me forever to fully empty my bladder when i’m on the toilet because i’m totally relying on gravity to do all the work (and shitting was effectively impossible without a stool softener even though i haven’t taken the pain meds they said i would need them for)…and don’t even get me started on figuring out how to wipe (hint: back to front while sitting, using my dominant hand to push my non-dominant hand far back enough). using the computer is also harder — i was planning on playing lots of baldur’s gate after, but for the first couple days i could only really go for a few minutes before using my arms that way got too tiring. having a mastectomy pillow has been an absolute godsend when i’m using my phone because i can prop my arms up on it and not really have to use any muscles at all to hold them up.

the biggest piece of not being able to use my chest muscles right now, which i’m writing separately because it’s been such a huge thing for me, is that i cannot sit up or back by myself at fucking all. like, if i sit on the couch and lean back a bit to sit against the cushion, it hurts to pull myself back up to fully straight — and if i’m leaning back any more than that, i just can’t do it at all and i’m stuck there unless my boyfriend puts their hands behind me and pushes my dead weight back up. i totally get why some people sleep in a recliner now because i’m completely at the mercy of having someone there to help move me around once i’m at any sort of angle. sitting back is mostly the same as far as what i can do, and arguably hurts worse to attempt at all, but my ability to do it seems to be coming back faster than my ability to sit up. if you’ve never had your mobility limited to that extent before, prepare yourself: the first time you’re stuck somewhere and the person who normally helps you doesn’t answer immediately can be really fucking scary (i learned that the hard way).

the anesthesiologist warned me that i might have a sore throat after surgery from being intubated, but i was not prepared for what “sore throat” ended up meaning for me. you know that feeling of swallowing something that’s too big and you can still feel it in your throat even after it’s down? it’s like that times 20, and further down in my throat. the worst pain i’ve felt in the last three days wasn’t from the surgery itself, it was from trying to swallow pancakes when my throat was at it’s worst. today is the first day it’s even started to fade, and even now, it hurts just to swallow my own spit. i don’t know about you, but that’s not what comes to mind when someone tells me “you might have a sore throat”.

on that note, the incisions themselves have really been the least painful part in general, probably because the nerves there aren’t reconnected yet. the vast majority of my pain and discomfort at this point has been from the drains and bandages — the drain sites getting sore or just randomly starting to sting, waking up feeling suffocated by the ace bandages, etc. it’s not because anything is wrong with them — the drains weren’t placed wrong and the bandages aren’t too tight, they’re just a huge pain in the ass to deal with 24/7. i can’t express how much i’m looking forward to getting the drains out and being able to take binder breaks because it’ll make things so much more comfortable.

my incisions are connected in the middle because my chest tissue was all really close together, and the part where the incisions connect is really the only part where i’ve felt any pain so far. i suspect it’s because the swelling on either side is making that part of the incision push together and press against itself, and then the binder pushes on it even more. it’s not a severe pain at all, but i do sometimes lift the center of the bandage off my chest for a second to give that spot a bit of a break.

i’ve already started getting some of the weird sensations associated with nerves reconnecting, and it definitely is wild. so far, it’s been mostly tingly feelings, sometimes like chills and sometimes more like a limb falling asleep. (weird observation: taking a shit makes my ribs tingle? i’ve got no good explanation for that one.) i’ve gotten a zap on one side and some buzzing feelings too. it’s pretty mild right now, probably because it’s so early on.

i’ve also gotten what i would describe as phantom boob feelings, especially on the first night. specifically, when i close my eyes, sometimes i’ll feel like someone is touching or jiggling the boobs i don’t have anymore. definitely not a super pleasant experience, but i think being out of it from the anesthesia still really helped me not be too upset by the worst of it. i’ve gotten a couple little phantom nipple touches too, but those were just split second blips of sensation that were far less bothersome in comparison.

i never realized that the classic post-op hunch is caused more by the binder than by the body itself, but we had to take all of my bandages off the night after my surgery to send pictures of something to my surgeon, and i was shocked by how much straighter i could sit with everything off. i was definitely still hunched, but it was more like a natural slouch and less like i looked like i was using an invisible walker. with the binder on, it’s super uncomfortable for me to try to stand straight at all because it feels like the ace bandage doesn’t come with my body and just drags everything down, and i’m always holding my mastectomy pillow or my hands to my chest while i walk around to stop it from feeling like gravity is going make the bandage tear my chest open.

every so often, when things are getting especially painful or uncomfortable or just generally difficult, i do start to wonder if i made the right choice. not because i regret getting rid of those things — not by a long shot — but because it’s a fucking hard process to go through. this is probably the hardest thing for me to admit, but the rational part of my mind knows it’s natural to feel that way once in a while. all of this is temporary and the relief from dysphoria will be permanent, but right now? this is my entire world and it doesn’t feel particularly temporary and i do have moments of “why do i have to go through all this when other people get to just have the right body from the start? why couldn’t i just live with what i had? why can’t i just be living my normal life right now?” no matter how sure you are of your choice, no matter how proud you are of being trans, this shit is hard and it’s okay to feel that.

i’m going to put the pictures of my chest one day post-op under the cut, because i think it’s pretty rare to see pictures from that soon after the surgery. they’re not gorey at all — the actual incisions are totally covered by steri strips and everything around them is clean — but still, if you don’t want to see relatively fresh surgery results, don’t look under the cut.

for all the discomfort and pain and limitations and other weirdness of recovery, every time i look at these pictures it reminds me of exactly why i’m doing all of this, and i’m so glad i kept fighting for this for so long. some people might never understand why someone would choose to go through this whole process, but i know it’ll be worth it in the end.

here’s my chest one day post-op! i think it looks super good and my surgeon said it looks like it’s healing perfectly (as much as it can be healing at one day). for reference, my chest was a DDD/F before surgery. i know this isn’t how my chest will look in the end, but i’m already thrilled with how things are turning out! i’ve truly never been more confident in my choice of surgeon — like, come on! look at that! she did so good!

#top surgery adventures #<- gonna start putting all the posts about my top surgery in that tag #top surgery #trans man #transmasc

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2plottwist · 29 days

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All Roads Lead to Nan

Summary: After defeating Ketheric Thorm, Tav and her companions have finally made it to Baldur's Gate- her home. With nowhere else safe to camp, Tav leads them to a curious place on the edge of the city- her Nan's house.

Pairing: Established Astarion x Female!Tav relationship

Warnings: none, pure fluff

Characters: The majority of the companions

Word Count: 3.5k

Author: Emma:)

Pic Credit: Made by noctis_no on twitter

Despite the odds, Tav and her companions had managed to slay Ketheric Thorm. With the help of some unlikely allies and a whole slew of Harpers, the shadows were banned from the lands, which meant they could continue their trek towards defeating the Absolute. Towards her home.

Tav led her companions through the winding streets of Baldur’s Gate, the city buzzing with an energy that felt almost electrifying after days spent on the road. The air was thick with the smell of smoke and the distant clamor of merchants closing up their stalls for the night. The streets were crowded, people pushing past each other as they hurried to their homes, none of them paying any mind to the weary group of adventurers who had just arrived at the city’s gates.

The sky was darkening, the last rays of sunlight disappearing behind the towering buildings. Tav could feel the exhaustion settling into her bones. It had been weeks since any of them had seen a real bed, and the prospect of finding a safe place to rest within the city seemed bleak. Every tavern they passed was full, every grassy knoll covered with displaced refugees.

Then, Tav had an idea. An utterly mad idea. She spun around, meeting the eyes of her expectant companions. “Listen, you might all hate me for this, but… I know a safe place where we can camp.”

She led them through the maze of streets, her feet moving with the ease of someone who had walked this certain path a thousand times before.

Astarion fell into pace next to her, with Karlach and Wyll muttering to each other close behind. “Ah, Baldur’s Gate,” the elf mused, gesturing widely to the street in front of them. “It never changes, does it? Still as… charming and full of questionable characters as ever.”

Tav chuckled, nudging him playfully. “Says the most questionable character of them all.”

Astarion smirked, a glint of mischief in his eyes. “Touché, darling. But truly, I stopped entertaining the idea of finding myself back here, let alone in such esteemed company.” He glanced back at their companions who were taking the city at their own pace.

Tav smiled. “It is strange, being back here. But, if it eases your mind, at least you’ve a whole slew of revenge-seeking fools ready to slice open the first fanged thing that walks your direction.”

“Ha! I suppose so,” Astarion agreed, though his tone didn’t seem quite as excited. “So, where exactly are you leading us? A tavern with decent beds and proper wine does sound appealing.”

“Don’t get too comfortable with that idea,” Tav teased. “We’re not exactly heading to an inn.”

“Oh?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “Where are you leading us, then? You’re being very mysterious, love.”

Tav hesitated, a smile tugging at her lips. “You’ll see. Just trust me.”

His eyes narrowed playfully, sensing her evasion. “Should I be worried?��

She shook her head, laughing lightly. “No- well, maybe a bit. It’s just… well, you’ll see. She’s a bit of a character, but I think you’ll like her.”

Astarion’s interest was thoroughly captured now, though a hint of apprehension flickered in his gaze. “She? Where are we going? A temple? A coven?” He gasped. “A brothel?”

“She, yes,” Tav confirmed with a knowing smile, refusing to give any more away. “I promise, it’ll be worth it.”

The city grew quieter as they moved away from the bustling heart of Baldur’s Gate, the buildings becoming smaller, more residential. Finally, they reached the edge of the city, where the cobblestones gave way to a dirt path lined with wildflowers.

There, nestled between a copse of trees, stood a house. It was a modest cottage, its thatched roof and ivy-covered walls giving it a quaint, almost magical appearance. A soft light glowed from within, spilling out onto the garden that surrounded the house, where herbs grew in abundance.

“This is it,” Tav sighed. She pushed open the wooden gate. “Come on, let’s get inside.”

When they approached the door, Tav hesitated before knocking on it. Her companions could hear commotion from within the house before a woman’s gravelly voice rang out.

“Alduin, I don’t want to buy any more of your damned scrolls,” it shouted.

Tav groaned. “Nan, it’s me.”

“Nan?” Astarion whispered incredulously, spinning around to his equally as intrigued companions. “As in your grandmother?”

Before Tav had the chance to reply, the door swung open, revealing an elderly woman with stern eyes, her thin lips curled into a smile. Her silver hair was pulled back into a loose bun, and she wore a simple dress, its pockets bulging with what Tav knew to be all kinds of trinkets.

“Tavara!” her nan exclaimed, pulling her into a tight embrace. “You look like you’ve been to the Hells and back.”

“Nan, you have no idea,” Tav replied into her grandma’s shoulder. “Oh! Nan, these are my friends.” She stepped aside, allowing her eight companions to come into view.

Karlach offered the woman a wave. “Hello there, Nan!”

Nan snorted. “I don’t suppose you’ve all come to eat my food and fill up my beds, have you?”

Tav offered her an apologetic smile. “Have you?” she repeated, raising an eyebrow. “Shit. Well, come in. You all look like you could use a good meal and a warm bed.”

They didn’t need to be asked twice. The group filed into the cottage, the warmth of the hearth immediately enveloping them. The interior of the house was just as Tav remembered. Family portraits lined the walls, stacks of books crowded every corner, and a long hallway split off into rooms- enough for all of her dad’s brothers and sisters.

Tav had spent many a day with her Nan. While her father was away on business, she was able to run wild under the watchful eye of her grandmother. Nan kept her entertained with unbelievable stories, mud fights in the garden, and enough baked goods to sate an army. Her nan could be stern, could offer tough love, but she embodied all the good things in the realm. She was kind, she cared. Not many in the city did.

Nan bustled about, her eyes taking in each guest with a discerning glance as she mumbled incoherently about dinner to herself. Karlach was the first to catch her attention. She gave a hearty laugh and said, “Sweet Avernus, look at you! A real powerhouse, aren’t you? I’m sure you could lift this house off its foundations if you set your mind to it. Are you hungry, dear? I’ll get stew ready.”

Karlach chuckles. “That sounds wonderful, Nan, thank you.”

“And you!” she called out, her eyes landing on Wyll, trailing up his head and focusing on his horns. “The son of Duke Ravengard, aren’t you? Oh, you’re quite the handsome devil.”

He grinned sheepishly. “Uhh, thank you, Nan.”

“Tavara, help me set the table! And please, everyone find a room! No armor at the table- the wood is ancient!” she called from the kitchen. Tav sat her pack down and grumbled to Astarion, “You survive the hells, kill a god, and you still have to set the table.”

Soon, Nan re-emerged from the kitchen, fussing over Tav’s remaining companions. She offered a whetstone to Lae’zel, who nodded her head in respect, and a jar of homemade honey to Halsin. To Shadowheart, she offered a hug, which she hesitantly accepted before melting into the embrace.

Gale received some sort of dormant arcane artifact that she had found outside the house. “You- you found this in your garden?” Gale asked incredulously, carefully taking the object. “Nan, this could charm half the city.” The woman smirked. “Well, then, you’ll benefit greatly from it.”

She warned the others to do as Jaheira had told them- “You’d do well to listen to your elders,” she stated proudly, eliciting a chuckle from Astarion.

Noticing him laughing, she turned to the pale elf, raising an eyebrow. “Oh, I see why my Tavara keeps you around. You’re a real sweetie-pie, aren’t you?” she questioned, reaching out and tussling his hair.

“A sweetie-” Astarion stumbled, “I’m not sure wh-”

“She just adores you, dear. She told me so-” she fished around in her pocket before pulling out a sending stone, winking at Astarion.

If he wasn’t undead, blood would’ve rushed to his cheeks.

Soon, the party changed into casual clothes and took their seats around Nan’s massive dining table, which had been half covered in herbs and books before she had them float into the kitchen.

“You know,” she says, looking around at the group, “I’ve been cooking for Tavara’s family for years and never once had a gathering quite as large as this. Not every day I get to serve such an eclectic group. Just.. don’t go complaining about the food. I’d hate to think my stew’s become the stuff of legends for all the wrong reasons.”

Karlach, with a spoonful of stew still in her mouth, said, “I think this is the best food I’ve ever had.”

Nan’s eyes twinkled with pride. “Don’t worry dear. There’s plenty more where that came from.”

They spent their supper sharing stories about their adventures, filling in the gaps for poor Nan, who sat, mouth agape, in between Gale and Halsin.

“So there we were-” Karlach started, taking a large chunk of bread into her mouth, “in the middle of this goblin camp, right? Absolutely surrounded by the ugly little blighters, and Tav here-” she nudged Tav with a broad smile, “-goes right up to the guard and convinces him to let us through without so much as a scratch!”

Nan’s eyebrows shot up. “You did what, now?” She looked at Tav with a mixture of disbelief in pride. “And you lot lived to tell the tale? Goblins aren’t exactly known for their hospitality.”

Astarion leaned back in his chair, smirking. “Oh, my dear Nan, it was hardly a challenge, really.”

“But it wasn’t just goblins,” Karlach continued, tone more serious. “We were in the Hells, Nan. I’m talking about the actual Hells. Escaping that place was… well, it’s a miracle we’re here.”

Nan was silent for a moment, her mouth slightly agape as she absorbed the enormity of the tale the tiefling spun. “I.. I don’t know what to say,” she managed. “You’ve all been through so much… and you, Tavara, led them through all this?”

Tav blushed slightly under her nan’s gaze, but before she could respond, Gale spoke up. “She did more than just lead, Nan. She’s inspired us.”

Nan’s hand flew to her chest, and she leaned back in her chair, smiling. “My sweet girl… I never imagined you’d be facing things like this. And you survived it all.” “With a little help,” Tav said, her voice tinged with affection as she looked around the table at her friends.

“You’ve always been special, Tav,” Nan said, tears glistening in her eyes. “And I’m proud of the woman you’ve become.”

Tav reached across the table and took Nan’s hands, squeezing them gently. “Oh, I’m the same person, Nan. Just… with a few more stories to tell.”

“Oh, speaking of stories-” Nan began, sitting back in her chair again, “Did you know that when Tavara was 12 she-”

“Nan, please,” Tav groaned, facepalming.

“Oh, come now, Tavara, this one’s a gem. Now, where was I? Oh yes. Tavara decided that she wanted to improve my little garden,” Nan started, gesticulating wildly. “The little dear was so excited about trying out a new spell she’d just learned. However, instead of a charming array of colorful blooms, we ended up with an entire garden of gigantic, out-of-control flowers that were twice as tall as her father! We spent days cutting them back.”

There was something about the older woman’s presence that soothed Astarion. He noticed how she looked at Tav, the pride and love in her eyes clear as day. It made his chest tighten with something he couldn’t quite name. Was it envy? Longing? Or perhaps just the stark realization that he had never had someone look at him like that, at least not for the last two centuries.

But then, Nan’s attention shifted to him, and he straightened slightly in his chair, meeting her gaze with a hint of his usual charm. The other companions chattered loudly over themselves, and she leaned forward slightly. “You know, Astarion,” she began, “you’ve got the look of someone who’s seen more than his fair share of trouble.”

For a moment, he felt as though she was peering right into his soul. He offered her a charming smile, but there was a touch of vulnerability in it, something only Nan seemed to notice.

“Maybe,” he replied with a shrug, trying to deflect with a bit of his usual banter, “but I’d say it’s made me all the more interesting.”

Nan chuckled, a rich, full sound that filled the room. “I’m sure it has, lad, I’m sure it has. But I see something else there too. You’ve got a heart, even if you’ve tried to bury it deep. And a good heart, no matter how bruised, is worth a lot more than you might think.”

Astarion opened his mouth to respond, but Nan wasn’t finished. She smiled kindly at him, a twinkle in her eye. “You’re a handsome one, that’s for sure, but it’s not just your looks that matter. It’s what’s in here,” she tapped her chest, “and I reckon Tavara sees that too. So don’t go doubting yourself, or thinking you’re any less deserving of happiness. You’re part of this family now, whether you like it or not.”

Astarion blinked, genuinely at a loss for words, something that didn’t happen often. He glanced over at Tav, who was enacting something wildly to Jaheira, and smiled.

Finally, he found his voice. “Thank you, Nan,” he said softly. “That… means more than you know.”

Nan waved a hand dismissively, though her eyes were warm. “Just calling it as I see it, lad. Now, pass me that bread, would you? Can’t let it go to waste.”

The evening was filled with tall tales and even taller pints of cool cider. Nan had seemed to have taken a special liking towards Gale, who was telling her about some sort of erotic book they’d both read.. for some reason. Tav’s companions began to fight sleep from their eyes, but the gentle beckoning of warm beds was too powerful.

Before they excused themselves for the night, Tav spoke up, offering a final cheer.

“To my nan’s endless patience… and endless memory.”

The group toasted before heading their separate ways, of course, after Nan offered every one of them a warm embrace. Tav and Astarion were the last to approach.

“You’ll find your room just the way you left it, my little love,” Nan said, placing a gentle kiss on Tav's cheek. “Minus the cat, of course. He keeps my feet warm now.”

“Thank you, Nan. For everything,” Tav said before giving her Nan another hug.

“I should be thanking you, sweetie,” Nan replied. “This night has done more for me than you could imagine.”

She turned to Astarion then, wrapping her arms around his waist. “Goodnight, little star. Do mind the bowl of holy water I keep at the end of the hall.” She placed a quick peck to his cheek, too, and his eyes widened, startled.

Tav led Astarion up a narrow, creaky staircase to her old room. The walls, once bright pinks and yellows, now had a faded charm to them, but the space was still undeniably hers. The small bed in the corner was neatly made with a quilt Nan had stitched herself, and a bookshelf was cluttered with trinkets and keepsakes she’d collected over the years.

Astarion walked in, taking in the room with a curious eye. He let out a low chuckle as he spotted a small, worn teddy bear perched on the pillow. “Well, well,” he said, picking up the bear and turning it over in his hands. “Who do we have here?”

Tav blushed slightly, but there was a fondness in her voice as she replied. “That’s Sir Goodnight. Nan made him for me when I was little. He’s.. been through a lot with me.”

Astarion gave the bear an exaggerated nod of approval before placing it back on the bed. “Oh, apologies, good sir,” he said dramatically with a flourish. “I did not realize I would be sharing a bed with such an esteemed gentleman tonight.”

Tav chuckled, a bit embarrassed. Astarion moved to another corner of the room, where an old, faded map of Faerun hung on the wall. Multicolored pins stuck out of it. “Look at this,” he said with a soft laugh, tapping the map with a fingertip. “Is this where you planned all your grand adventures?”

“Something like that,” Tav admitted, smiling at the fond memories. “I always wanted to travel, to see everything Faerun had to offer. I never imagined it would turn out like this, though.”

Astarion turned to face her, leaning casually against the wall. “Life has a way of surprising us, doesn’t it?”

She nodded, her gaze dropping to the floor. “It does. But I’m glad for it, even with all the shit we’ve put up with.”

He crossed the room in a few strides and took her hand, lifting it to his lips for a brief kiss. “As am I,” he murmured, his eyes locking with hers. “I never thought I’d find someone like you, someone who makes it all seem… bearable.” He glanced towards Sir Goodnight again. “Sorry, sir. No pun intended.”

Tav felt a warmth spread through her chest at his words. She stood, her hand still in his, and leaned in to press a soft kiss to his lips. It was gentle, a promise of comfort and understanding, the connection they had built over time. Astarion responded in kind, his free hand resting on her waist as he pulled her a little closer.

When they finally broke apart, Astarion smiled down at her, a genuine, affectionate smile that was rare for him. “I’m lucky to have you,” she said, raking a hand through his curls.

He chuckled, a low, rumbling sound that made her heart flutter. “We’re both lucky, darling.”

With that, they climbed into the bed, the blankets soft and warm against the chill of the night. Tav nestled into Astarion’s arms, her head resting on his chest as he held her close. For a moment, they simply lay there in silence, the weight of the day slipping away as the comfort of each other’s presence took over.

As they drifted off to sleep, Astarion’s fingers traced soothing patterns on her back, and he pressed one last kiss to the top of her head. “Sleep well, my love,” he whispered, his voice barely audible in the quiet room. Tav murmured something in reply, already half-asleep, a contented smile on her lips as she let herself relax completely in his embrace.

The next morning, it seemed as if there was a palpable reluctance among her party. Even Lae’zel seemed to hesitate before stepping through the door.

Astarion lingered near the door, giving Tav an amused glance as she gathered her belongings, including some extra things Nan had given them for the day. “I must say, Nan truly outdid herself,” he remarked. “If this is what family gatherings are like, I may be able to get used to this.”

Nan, bustling around the kitchen and making sure everything was in order, caught his comment and chuckled. “Well, I’m glad to hear that, Astarion! You’ll fit right in.” She approached him, giving him a warm pat on the arm before lowering her voice to a conspiratorial tone. “But know this- I’ve got my eye on you, so you better treat my granddaughter right.”

Astarion grinned, a touch of his usual mischief in his expression. “Don’t worry about that, Nan. I’ll do my best to stay out of trouble- though I can’t promise I won’t make a bit of it from time to time.”

They exited the house. When Tav went to push open the gate, her nan’s voice rang out again. “Oh, don’t forget, dear! We’ve got monthly lanceboard coming up in two weeks, and I expect you to be back in time for it. Wrap up your adventure by then, or be prepared for Calimshan rules!”

Tav laughed, shaking her head as she slung her pack over her shoulder. “I haven’t forgotten, Nan. I’ll make sure to be back in time.”

Tav and Astarion exchanged a glance. “Hells, back to it, then,” Astarion said, his tone light but his eyes reflecting the seriousness of their situation.

Tav nodded, her expression thoughtful. “We’ll finish what we started and be back before we know it. Nan’s right—we’ve got a lot to do.”

The road ahead was still fraught with challenges, but the thought of returning to Nan’s home, of enjoying her hearty laughter and warm embrace once more, gave them a renewed sense of purpose and determination.

And so, with the morning sun casting long shadows behind them, Tav, Astarion, and her chosen family ventured forth, ready to face whatever lay ahead, knowing that no matter where their travels took them, they had a place to rest and one happy Nan to welcome them home.

#astarion #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion fluff #fluff

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lesbiandonnanoble · 11 months

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ranking torchwood members by how nightmarish the blunt rotation would be. number 6 ultimate least worst is gwen but only because i love drama so much and don’t mind comforting people if they cry. any smoke sesh w gwen you’d walk away knowing the funniest most insane interpersonal drama on the planet. three hits in her eyes would already be getting red and she would lean over and say “SWEAR to me you won’t repeat this to anyone, but” gwen babygirl i am all ears. i would roll for you and just sit and watch you smoke it. at #5 honorary mention for suzie. she would find the perfect music for the vibe. she would roll an immaculate joint. the conversation would be heartfelt, pleasant. real.. by the time i realize i’m slowly dying and she’s gaining strength i wouldn’t even care tbh. ideal joint-sharing experience. #4 would be owen because i know that as long as i laughed at his jokes he would smoke me up indefinitely. his delusion that he’s cool and badass would get more embarrassing and apparent when high like mac it’s always sunny levels . and you might have to suffer some hero complex stories but i just know his very cool-looking bong has crystal clear water the second he knows anyone’s coming over. #3 is easily ianto. high chances of bringing a really uncomfortable weird energy to any smoke sesh. i once met a guy who said he’d been practicing rolling joints since he was a kid with paper and pencil shavings and then rolled the joint that fucked me the hardest i’ve ever experienced and that’s what smoking ianto’s shit would be like. except he’s just sitting there looking at you with wet dog eyes the whole time. his vibe would be still weirdly too professional, like the business major who tries to network at house parties. toshiko my lady.. second worst person to smoke with in torchwood not for any awful reason. her jokes would be the funniest out of all of them. her laugh would be enchanting. but you can tell she’s so nervous and trying too hard and the vibe gets more and more awkward and you desperately want to tell her it’s fine but you worry calling attention to it might make her feel worse and you stare at her and she stares at you, takes a beautiful bong rip, and says something so self deprecating you have to look away. the #1 most nightmarish person to share a joint with in torchwood is obviously jack. he pulls out a bag of purple shit, a strain he informs you is called ‘megacock OG’, and loads it into his 23rd century fucking instant vaporizer and promises it’s “got a hell of a kick” and you blink and it’s 20 minutes later and you’re flinching nearly shitting yourself every time his stupid fucking dinosaur swoops overhead ,sweating buckets, and he’s grinning slapping the table laughing opposite you while his genuinely cringeworthy sex stories, seemingly endless, ring in your ears like churchbells.

#my personal prognosis after rewatching one season of torchwood #torchwood #doctor who #jack harkness #toshiko sato #ianto jones #owen harper #gwen cooper #my stuff

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sesshous · 6 months

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random dating hcs ᰔ mona, alhaitham, gaming

genre: fluff (no prns)

a/n: dating headcanons... drabbles... blurbs (not rly sure what to call these) also mona in the new cat event!! i love mona, she was the first five star i ever wanted and the first one i ever got, so i'm happy she's at least getting some more screentime haha ♡

mona

mona isn’t the most… responsible with her money. while she does have money set aside, the vast majority of her income goes to her life’s interest: astrology. but even with her lack of money, mona still wants to do things with you! … just without a hefty price tag.

mona loves to stargaze — befitting of an astrologist. she loves taking you around different heights of mondstadt! mona knows all the best spots that have a good view of the night sky — pointing out all the constellations, rambling on to you about what they mean… she’ll even make some copies of her own star charts to give you for future reference.

not really a known fact about her, but mona is actually a pretty decent cook! she'd want to prepare you a filling (and cheap), but very delicious meal rather than go out to eat. sometimes, she’ll end up lecturing you on market prices and ways you can prepare meals for a low cost — she wouldn’t want you buying overpriced ingredients when you can get just as good ones for a cheaper price!

and yes, if you ask her nicely she can create and show you reflections other than constellations with her hydromancy… just for you though. she wouldn’t want people to think her hydromancy is all just for show.

(brownie points if you share the same interest in astrology. you’re basically a match at that point.)

“hm? of course, i knew we were destined to be together — the stars never lie.”

gaming

the absolute sweetest! with how much he talks about you, people of liyue have to be living under a rock if they don’t know the two of you are together.

no has no shame with pda gaming will want to hold your hand everywhere you go. or have his arm around you. or hug you — he literally never gets embarrassed about giving you affection! he’s very into physical touch, he finds it’s comforting. i’d like to think he’s warm to the touch too — with or without the pyro vision. great cuddling material for cold days! (… hot ones too — you just have to wear breathable clothes so you don’t overheat.)

you don’t have to be into it as much as he is, but gaming would definitely want to teach you the basics of wushou dancing! he’s always there to help show and guide you through the movements — he likes to think he’s a pretty good teacher! he'll joke about putting on a duo performance… just a joke of course, haha… unless—?

oh, and man chai loves you! i like to think man chai acts more well behaved for you than he does with gaming, (he blames it on all the treats you give him) but he’s so glad you too get along! … even if man chai does steal take more of your attention when you’re together...

“y’know, i'm starting to think man chai likes you way more than he likes me! … but it's you, so i don’t blame him though, haha!”

alhaitham

alhaitham as quite the reputation for being… unapproachable to say the least. to people, his words and gaze seems judgemental, so how could someone stand to be around someone like that? lucky for you, you're able see past what those people seemingly think of him!

the books alhaitham reads aren’t made for the average’s person leisurely reading — their complex and lengthy — but alhaitham feels a kind of… fondness when you ask him to read out loud whatever book he's currently reading to you! …even if you do end up becoming a bit sleepy due to the content of the book (he thinks it’s cute. will he say that to you? … maybe teasingly.) he also will read and take book suggestions from you if you have any for him! he doesn’t just read non-fiction (and if it’s from you, really he’s open to anything. anything.)

because of alhaitham’s day consisting pretty much on a schedule, he finds himself finding ways to incorporate you into it with his free time. he prefers to spend time with you in more quiet and secluded places around sumeru away from people, but i actually feel like he wouldn’t be opposed to dates in public! going to the likes of places such as the grand bazaar to see what people are selling or watching performances that are put on in the theatre (though most of the time it’s you dragging him out… he does find it entertaining to see your face light up at all of the sights)

on some occasions, he’ll bring you along with him when he’s invited out for drinks with cyno, kaveh and tighnari. (try your best to tease him in front of them, but he’ll always have a playful quip right back at you.)

"really? because sometimes i think you love using me more as a pillow than an actual boyfriend. i’m only joking dear, i love you too.”

#works ᰔ #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #mona x reader #alhaitham x reader #gaming x reader #genshin fluff

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anxiousnerdwritings · 4 months

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if obscurial!aunt!reader ended up teaching at Hogwarts for like muggle studies or something you know all the Slytherin kids with parental issues end up subconsciously calling her “mother” at least twice by the end of the year.

Theodore Nott is the only one who knows who owns it and call her “moms” regularly which infuriates Harry but eventually there’s a whole Euphemia/Sirius dynamic going on cause Theo lost his mom when he was super young and his dad is a pureblood twat so she begins to mother him pretty much and the day he turns sixteen he shows up at Spinner’s End with a suitcase

I fucking adore this ask so much, anon! You have no idea. 🥰🥰🥰🥰

I could wholeheartedly see most of the school viewing Obscurial!Muggle!Aunt!Reader as a mother figure, but especially the Slytherins. At first, it’s completely unconsciously and a slip of the tongue, but eventually it grows into something deeper for a majority of the snakes. The Reader ends up becoming their solace away from home, not that any of them want to or would ever admit it (at least not right away). And they take full advantage of it, not that any of them do it in front of others but in the moments when they have the Reader’s sole attention they bask in their warm and comforting presence.

If Yan!Bellatrix is at the school too working as a professor I could see her nudging the Slytherin kiddos towards the Reader, knowing how naturally nurturing and attentive the Reader is to anyone in general but especially with how good she is with the students. Just Bellatrix subtly encouraging them to seek out and open up to the Reader when they’re in need of comfort and someone to listen to them.

I especially love the idea of Reader’s family home on Spinner’s End becoming a safe haven for whoever needs it. It was for Harry, whether he was there as a baby or when he ran away in his third year. It then became a place for the Weasley’s and Hermione when they came into the Reader’s life. And one by one the people from the Marauders Era found their way there too.

I imagine Theo being the first one out of the Slytherins to show up at the Reader’s door, even being the one to stay there the longest, but eventually a number of others pop up too. Especially with the war nearing closer and closer. Hell, I could even see some selective parents showing up with their child to seek sanctuary at the Reader’s house too. You can bet Narcissa is pulling up with Draco, before and or after the war. Without Lucius. Mrs, Zabini and Blaise are rolling up too.

I just can’t help but imagine all these terrified Slytherins when the war starts rearing its ugly head and them not knowing what to do, only for Bellatrix to put the idea in their head to run away to the Reader. (I love the idea of her being a spy for the Order due to her obsession for the Reader, similar to how Snape was, and in the process helping some of the kids get out of becoming Death Eaters.)

Even after the war is over and things are semi back to normal, the kids (and some adults) who came to the Reader end up sticking around, basically being adopted by the Reader and becoming this big ass happy family.

#anxious answers #yandere theo nott #yandere harry potter #yandere bellatrix black #yandere bellatrix lestrange #yandere harry potter concept #yandere concept

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cyb3rtarot · 9 months

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Pick a Pile: Message From Your Inner Child + How You Can Nurture Them

Disclaimers: choose the pile you feel intuitively drawn to; you can choose more than one! Take what already resonates and leave anything confusing or stressful. Readings are not replacements for professional advice. I used a mix of tarot, oracle, and my intuition.

pile 1->pile 2

pile 3->pile 4

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Pile 1

Message [Justice||nine of hearts rx, king of pentacles, nine of wands rx, three of pentacles rx]: hi pile one! Your inner child wants to express feelings of dissatisfaction or being stifled. Many of you are in a good place financially/with work, at least compared to where you used to be. This came from working very hard without much support from others—maybe even being hindered by others. Other people might look at your life and wish they had it, but your inner child does not seem fulfilled by whatever your position is. I don’t sense ungratefulness, but it does seem like your inner child is more interested in something “deeper” or more meaningful than your physical reality is providing. If you’ve had to claw your way out of hard situations, your inner child seems to be looking for some kind of justice or retribution regarding that. You may feel like you deserve more happiness after what you’ve had to go through, or want people who have done you wrong to be punished.

How you can nurture your inner child [the fool, the emperor, king of pentacles rx, three of swords rx]: a more proactive approach to finding meaning and happiness in your life will nurture your inner child. You might be used to going with the flow—especially if you’re materially comfortable or seeking such a lifestyle. Remember that you have the power to initiate new beginnings; you don’t have to stay the same! Give your inner child space to grow and discover what feels right to them, even if it doesn’t make sense to others. Don’t force yourself to remain in an unhappy spot when there are changes within your grasp. Uncertainty is a necessary part of life. There’s also a big emphasis on balancing your work for outer stability with this search for inner happiness; perhaps some of you unnecessarily overwork yourselves which leaves little time for other things.

For some, this soul searching may involve letting go of past hurts. I’m not trying to force you to forgive others, but to identify how your current reality has formed as a response to pain, and how you can choose to respond differently.

Extra details: isolation, loneliness. Past betrayals and enemies. Being “self made,” supporting oneself. Not being seen and understood, wearing a facade/mask. Music as solace, singing, pop stars (Ariana Grande again lol?). Balance. Being the tough kid, defending yourself. Paying your own way through school. Aggressiveness. Continuous conflict with colleagues or family, unhappiness at work. Wanting to leave a “good” job, or wanting to “run away” (some of you may be daydreaming about “drastic” action, like suddenly quitting and going on a long trip, far away from everyone you know).

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Pile 2

Message [the star rx, seven of wands rx|| nine of swords, the star, four of pentacles rx]: hi pile two! There is a lot of past hurt and trauma in this pile, and your inner child is highly encouraging healing/shadow work. Your inner child is wanting you to lower some of those internal walls so those uncomfortable emotions and memories can be processed. If you feel you need someone like a professional to help you, that is absolutely okay. Healing is hard, trauma is messy, and the “despair” in this pile seems particularly heavy.

How you can nurture your inner child [two of hearts, the tower rx, queen of pentacles rx, the lovers, six of cups rx]: a major focus for your healing journey is examining how past hurts—especially in relationships or childhood—are projected onto present day relationships. You may have developed certain traits or behaviors to survive the past, but now they block you from experiencing the intimacy your inner child craves. This is not to say you should compromise boundaries, but know that intimacy and vulnerability themselves are not the enemy. Thinking or acting like they are can even be a way of self-blaming, as if you not needing love would have prevented others from being toxic or abusers. Examine how past patterns can lead to current self-sabotaging, and also give yourself grace if you feel like you made a mistake. Learning how to navigate relationships of any kind is hard, and trauma can make it harder! Know your inner insecurities are not reflective of the relationship, how others see you, or the truth. If you do wish to work on some aspect of yourself or your healing journey, it’s very much within your capacity.

Extra details: fruit is significant, maybe nostalgic memories of someone cutting or giving you fruit growing up? A house with a tile or distinctive roof, roof decorations. The quiet/shy kid. Feeling like you’re falling apart. Clumsiness. Alone. A lot of yelling and hurtful words (particularly in the past). Childhood or domestic trauma. Catastrophizing. I feel like a lot of you are in a romantic relationship that is triggering anxiety. Practicing healthy communication with your partner may be one part of the healing work mentioned above. I also feel like a lot of you jumped from a very toxic home into a very toxic relationship as you came of age; a current relationship may be difficult due to this pattern that developed.

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Pile 3

Message [ the hermit, the fool rx|| Queen of cups, the chariot, justice rx, ten of pentacles rx, the hanged man rx, the tower]: hi pile 3, your inner child had a lot to say! You might repress them a lot. They want you to know you are living with old mindsets and approaches that are no longer aligned with you. You have a very large inner, emotional world and self awareness, but you don’t let this shine through to the outside. There’s a big nihilistic vibe of just going through the motions and accepting your lot—even when you’re miserable—and even when there’s changes you can make. An imbalance exists between the energy directed towards your mind versus the outside world. There’s a sense of solitude and a “what’s the point?” approach. However, there’s also a sense of restlessness. Your inner child is feeling stifled by this lifestyle; they want to come out and experience enthusiasm! It seems major changes are present or coming in where this can be addressed.

How you can nurture your inner child [the lovers rx, king of swords, knight of wands rx, the emperor rx]: your inner child is encouraging you to embrace excitement for life. It feels like your nihilistic or apathetic approach functions as self-punishment by denying your desires. You’re aware of which things are not working for you anymore, but you’re avoiding tough conversations or decisions. Your inner child wants to break free and to go after what gives them joy; they do not want their emotions to be judged, repressed, or punished. Some of the self awareness you’ve developed in your inner world can be used to help navigate the disappointments and uncertainties of life. You have to wade past these things to reach the treasures in your journey.

Extra details: restlessness, emo (some of you were in middle school), quiet, hurting, simmering anger, Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day, taking an analytical approach to emotions, singing, not being allowed to express emotions growing up. You might say “perhaps” a lot. Water, wanting to live in or visit a location close to water.

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Pile 4

Message [seven of wands rx, king of hearts, the hermit, strength rx, queen of swords|| queen of pentacles, queen of cups rx, five of cups rx, death rx]: hello pile four! The focus of your message is healing vulnerability. You guys have had to be strong by yourself for a long time. For those working on spirituality, it feels like that was the focus of this period. This “hardened” time can come to a close and give way to a new era where you’re more able to face feelings and express them authentically. Your inner child is pointing to a past experience (or multiple) you can revisit to do healing work. This may be a very disappointing heartbreak in a past relationship (of any kind). You might have had to end it with someone who was very attached to you and make that first “hurtful” move so you both could move on and heal. Or, you became disillusioned from lack of emotional fulfillment. Most of you have already done a lot of healing/shadow work and reached a more stable place with your inner sense of security. But, there’s difficulty translating this into being vulnerable with others. Due to the amount of emotional work you had to do, you’re leaning into logic and practicality when there needs to be a balance with emotion. Maybe you can easily identify and scrutinize emotions, but you default to this mental approach to avoid actually feeling it or confronting what you’ve repressed—especially if others’ reactions to your emotions have been disappointing. Protecting yourself is necessary and so is analyzing emotion. But sometimes feelings just need to pass through! We can only “think” our way so far into understanding life lessons. Vulnerability with ourselves—and knowing healthy ways to be vulnerable with others—are both healing.

How you can nurture your inner child [the hierophant rx, king of wands, princess of wands, page of cups rx, the devil rx]: you’ve done a lot of self-discovery and learning lessons on purpose. This has made space for beautiful growth—however, there’s an emphasis on being open to developing with other people, too. You may want to continue working on yourself in isolation, but some growth and self-knowledge can only be discovered through others. You may repress your inner child’s desire for connection—forcing yourself to be independent. This seems comfortable for you, but not necessarily fulfilling. You may not know where to start with allowing others inside your world. This pile is stuck in the middle of not wanting to deal with toxic BS and yearning for something new + authentic. You may really have to push yourself to leave your comfort zone when it comes to others, and remember that your past experiences don’t define every experience you could have. I’m not suggesting to do things that feel wrong to you, but I am suggesting to notice where you squash your curiosity towards others as a defense mechanism. If you remain true to the things you’ve learned during this time, you’ll be much more adept at spotting insincere people and setting boundaries. And, you’ll be equipped for the inevitable challenges that occur when we get closer to others. These aren’t necessarily bad challenges, but for someone who has learned to love being alone, the metaphorical social “dance” can seem daunting. People are lessons, but not everyone is going to be a hard lesson.

Extra details [TW abuse, self harm, suicide mention]: using spirituality as a reason to not feel (example, not letting yourself feel disappointed because “that’s how it was meant to be”), likes to rhyme or make puns a lot, tendency towards being nonchalant/apathetic, trying to “think” emotions away, not knowing how to stop being so independent. Spiritual, wise, eccentric/enigmatic, self-assured. “Nice” relationships but very few “deep” relationships. Wanting to be friendly but getting alarmed when someone want to be friendly back lol. May have been in a relationship with a very imbalanced power dynamic; someone may have had the power to punish you? In & out the hospital as a child or a very big medical incident. Working in medical (specifically getting nursing) or as a coach, trainer. Surgeries & surgical scars (especially emergency surgery to save your life), medical implants & devices, physically disabled. SH scars. Past attempt on one’s life. Unwilling to feel emotion in fear of getting swept away by them. Stoic on the outside, emotional inside. Always trying to “solve” your emotions

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