#at least we're here now though :)

[magpiesketchins]

Hyperfixatin's easier alone but also it's more fun with other people but also then you have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known but then also people will say nice things about the things you make and then also you get to look at the things other people make and say nice things about that and---

Which is to say I'm going to continue to be annoying (affectionate affirmation) about Discworld and I have more things to post and so many things out there to read and I am Having Fun.

Send me headcanons n such if you like I'm just enjoying playing ✨

[szampers]

Before I was aware of szpd, I referred to it as "the Social Alienation", in caps for the reason that I knew it was more than just social alienation in the conventional sense (and also because I find it funny to capitalize words which aren't supposed to be capitalized). The Social Alienation was the closest term I could find for what was in fact szpd, but since uncapitalized it refers specifically to feeling detached from people, which I do feel a great deal, but it didn't exactly point to other things I felt.

Hence why I used it as a personal umbrella term! Which itself contained two other umbrella terms: "language guilt/dysphoria/repulsion" (I still don't know which one fits best), which in turn contained the umbrella term "linguistic freedom". I feel how I experience szpd is somewhat closely related to language, which will have a more detailed post of its own.

A visual representation of these personal umbrella terms.

The Social Alienation referred to social alienation in the conventional sense, but also to my lack of interest and motivation to interact with others, how conflicted I felt about it and the dread that comes at the thought of interacting with others while knowing it is something essential in life. Ouph. This reeks of szpd. But the Social Alienation did do a good enough job to provide me with something to hold onto.

Aside from that, there's also the language guilt/dysphoria/repulsion/whatever. I feel like a linguistic disaster, more so in the past than I do now fortunately. I loathe interacting with the language that is spoken where I live and was born, though it is supposed to be my second language if not a second first language. Go figure! I suppose I'm rather sensitive to language because when I read it or speak this language, the words simply don't ring nearly as well in my head as certain other languages and that bothers the hell out of me. It's a vicious circle as I keep escaping to other languages while I keep getting worse in this harsh, rough language which my life depends on. This contributes to my lack of a will to speak as well, which is connected to the situational mutism probably.

The linguistic freedom is the dream of overcoming the language guilt. It is the most ideal state I can achieve, which is when I acquire the skill to freely speak my mind in any languages I'm supposed to know without struggling to string words together. Preferably i'd get past the people aversion as well but as long as my sociability is at a functional level that's more than enough for me. I treat this as a "if you aim for the moon and miss you'll land among the stars" kind of thing. Part of the whole thing is being able to accept your limits I suppose.

This would be the new model???? It essentially boils down to issues with people and language. Perhaps the language part should be placed outside of the szpd group but they'll still be hardly separable regardless. Either way, szpd provides a stronger and solid foothold for me than the Social Alienation did. It's no longer as abstract as it had been, but it's become more tangible I think. Good starting point.

[sysig]

The most fun you can have, barring the pain and torture (Patreon)

[starsandthorn]

still rolling perinheri around in my head btw. that "the eclipse is swallowed by the crimson moon" line from dainsleif's introduction makes a lot more sense now. lol

[stabbyfoxandrew]

oh my god my parents almost fell for a facebook scam.

someone they know posted that they were selling a car and my parents asked me to help them send a down payment over paypal.

thank GOD they asked me instead of just trying to do it themselves.

[torchickentacos]

I made a friend today! A polyphemus moth

[pollen]

hii it's been awhile since i've given any updates about what's going on with me but!!! i think we're moving back to oregon at some point. and i'm gonna make grad school happen. i'm so yhappy

[ozlices]

the aftons and henry's family dynamics being switched in the movie franchise's continuity would make sense but also in the most fucked up way bc it's like. scott really said that locked box is closed FOREVER we never get to know the games' secrets. we are just left to a void of mystery.

[carcarrot]

ok thats it i literally need a new job now .

[yeonban]

I think I should turn Soma into my blog's poster guy AT LEAST once before Orient ends bc frankly? he deserves it! The only issue at hand is whether I can cook up some proper graphics from his dubious paneling choices or not...

[dozenssporks]

the videos Vash posts online are funny and friendly but also in a way very impersonal, showing nothing of his deeper thoughts. There’s a two minute video of him laying on his back in a parking lot talking about unrealistic gun techniques and handling in shows, one video about using doughnuts as targets to see if he can shoot through the center without destroying them, but he never voices opinions or broaches serious subjects. It’s all lighthearted, no shadows.

which is why the video discovered online several weeks after the July Incident is such a shocking contrast.

*There’s something wrong with the camera, the image is so distorted it might be pointed at a face or it might just be random shadows. The audio is full of static and it takes a moment for the voice to come through*

“--actually made it, I can’t believe my phone actually survived that. That’s beyond ridiculous, it’s insane.”

*there’s a sound something like laughter. It cuts off abruptly*

“. . . insane, it’s insane, it’s completely . . .”

*static for several seconds*

“I need to say something, I need to tell you . . . but they’re not--the ones I really need to tell--they aren’t--”

*there’s something wrong with the speaker’s voice but beyond the slurring of words its hard to pinpoint what exactly with all the static interfering. The patchy shadows swoop into fractured lights and colors as the camera is re-positioned*

“. . . never put dates on this videos they’re not important, They automatically go into a queue to post whenever . . . But right now, today . . .”

*a distorted face and red torso are discernible now but the image is fractured and repeated so the person doesn’t look so much human as made up of too many human parts with with bright flares of light feathering the red edges into white*

“I’m having trouble, my head won’t work right. I don’t--I do know, I know, that today the date is important, I need to remember, I can’t let myself . . . what I’ve done. It’s my fault, I did this.”

*the audio is becoming more and more distorted, the semblance of an eye surrounded by a dozen copies looks at the camera, blue and alien but clear*

“Today is July 21st.”

*the next words spoken are strained as if said through clenched teeth and so soft they are almost lost in the static*

“I have no right to say this, as if it will fix something, but I can’t not say it--”

*several seconds of static*

“. . . I’m sorry--”

*the video ends*

Though widely believed to have been posted by Vash the Stampede the video has never been concretely linked to him

[medicinemane]

And maybe you'll be like "but if you don't trust businesses, how can you trust welfare?"

I fucking don't. My mom trying to get on food stamps fucked me up because a lady I never met without my permission got my SSN from my mom and started editing my files. My heart still races to this very second whenever I think about it, it kinda messed me up bad and I'll never ever ever see any kind of recourse

And I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my medicaid just cause I inherited some money from my grandpa

And I've never even applied for disability cause it kinda doesn't matter finding out if I'd qualify or not cause of my depression, when the rules are so restrictive I don't know if I've even be allowed to keep my house

I do not fucking trust these things on a personal level. I feel like out of a lot of people I have the most to fear from them cause I'm on the edge of having things work, and that gets you punished

...but I need medicaid in order to have insurance (and when you strip out the finance side of medicaid, I love medicaid... they're honestly incredible insurance... I just... I just... dental is like 90% of why medicaid is so important to me, ever since I found out this state pays for it I've actually been able to do cleanings which is important to me cause I can't always get myself to brush)

And I think things like disability and food stamps are pretty damn important on a personal level, and honestly are also good for the economy cause they get people spending... it's practically a free cash infusion into the economy, cause these are people who need to buy stuff

There's just so much important stuff welfare does that it's worth dealing with government

No, what I want is more accountability so if someone gets my SSN from a 3rd party like my mom they're held to HIPPA styles standards where that's not ok to access my files without my permission (She changed my fucking address and tried to get medicaid to investigate me for fraud! Never even met me)

Like have some accountability there and in every situation

Secondly I want less punitive focused rules. I'd frankly prefer bezos get on disability than smack down some poor sod cause they got $2000 in the bank or cause their friend lets them live with them for free

If there's gonna be a cut off on these programs, it needs to be a solid step above the poverty line, cause... by definition I assume poverty line denotes kinda the minimum expected income people can reasonably live off of, and if you take away benefits people are gonna lose a chunk of money to covering that stuff themself, so you need a buffer before you kick people off

I don't fucking trust the government for a second, I've actively been fucked by them and on a personal level I avoid everything but medicaid and only that cause everything but the money is pleasant to deal with and I kinda need it (honestly if I was rich I'm not even kidding that I'd rather give medicaid like $400 a month than some insurance company, I sincerely like them as insurance)

But I'd trust them a lot more if they were less punitive, less out to hunt me down and gut me cause someone handed me a fiver or cause I started to get on my feet, and if government employees had concrete rules they had to follow that were actually transparent and enforced

Like 90% of my problems with welfare go away if they're held accountable and there's less "catch the welfare cheats" mentality going around

I don't trust the government in the slightest, but sadly there some jobs it kinda has to do, so I'd just rather force it to be an open book where the public can keep an eye on it and if they step out of line there's consequences (sort of like I don't trust most mega corps but happen to sometimes need stuff from them... did you know literally every cell service provider has been illegally selling shit like your location data to random people like bounty hunters, and the FCC just slapped them with a fine that's 0.02% of their yearly incomes and debated even doing that? I even can offer a source on that)

...I don't trust much of any authority cause they constantly fail me and kinda screw me. Don't trust doctors either, but I still gotta go to them, you know? ...they're just... they're real bad at listening... so many systems need systemic change

(You know who I really don't trust is the cops. I could point to so many examples. My uncle doesn't trust cops either, and he's an ex Fire and SWAT paramedic, he worked with them and we still got into a long conversation where he basically tore into them far better than I can)

(I don't trust authority that's not accountable)

[nexus-nebulae]

wait i just realised something i think we defeated our self-fakeclaiming finally

[infizero]

any time u say ralsei is cute or sweet or whatever ur playing right into his trap btw. not ralsei’s trap, toby’s

[arrow-guy]

.

[echidnana]

feels silly to need validation about this, but is it ok for us to be upset with the body's father for treating us like a young child? he told us what time to go to bed at tonight and what time we have to wake up at tomorrow (not because there's anything to do, just for no reason). and he's just been very rude and not treating us respectfully.