#at least when i dont try i cant lose
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as people learn more about transmasculinity im debating if itd make me more dysphoric to be a permanently clocky tboy to well-meaning libs who still view me as a woman regardless or to keep embodying my cissona
#i know clocky tboy seems like the lesser of the two evils but idk#theres something uniquely humiliating abt trying and failing to pass#at least when i dont try i cant lose#and im extremely short have fem hobbies and big ol girl eyes#and im almost 30 like its joever for me#i say ‘as ppl learn more’ bc now a lot of ppl will immediately think ‘trans’ rather than ‘misshapen gay man’#disclaimer this is my own experience and internalized transphobia theres nothing wrong w being visibly trans and i know#this is a supremely first world problem to have#wherein its psychologically possible to stay closeted but still have the option to transition w/o risking death#like ik i sound horrible so#delete later
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Magneta????
#my ideal: there's a gofundme or “therapy pool” where people can donate $20 - $25 so I can give peeps free coaching services#and down the road when I'm licensed have the same thing for therapy sessions#so then the people that want help most and cant afford shit out there can absolutely get services or try it out and see if it helps#and i get paid enough to not worry about losing my ability to help people cause I'm no longer in the pit worried about food and a roof#the thing i hate about this work is that i want to give everyone a chance#if we dont click and it doesn't work out that's fine but at least give someone a shot to try to help themselves#i hate that money is something i gotta absolutely think about cause im walking in the same shit as everyone else even though I'm a provider#cause my go to instinct is “person need help. help that person. if helping isn't working help person find another person to help them”#sorry for venting#2 client recently had to cancel coaching cause they just can't afford it right now cause The Economy (tm) which i totally get#i wish i could've said “that's not necessary. i can cover your next several sessions via donations from people”#im going off tangent#magenta#magenta is my vent tag
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decided to leave my job and i'm gonna fr gonna cryyyyy
#literally can't work with my new boss bc i can't trust her#she went to the head of the department with complaints abt me without ever speaking to me or giving me any indication she was unhappy#and various other reasons im not happy w management and the school in general#HOWEVER#i love the kids sm and im gonna miss them and worry abt them 😭😭😭😭#im literally scared for some of them bc it feels like the other teachers have no empathy for some of my favorite kids#one of them who is so so sweet and when he cries i'm the girst to comfort him bc everyone else thinks he needs to toughen up 😭#also my new boss sucks so so bad and is gonna be such a bad influence on him and all the other kids#and my main co teacher said she's gonna quit if i do so i cant even beg her to look out for my babies and take care of them 😭💔#and it would be unprofessional to mention any concerns to the parents but genuinely some of the kids would be better off elsewhere#like im actually worried about it#i dont want some of the really sweet sensitive kids to lose their sweetness bc they're being treated unkindly#and the worst bullies and spoiled kids are the ones the teachers dote on#so it encourages some of the sweet ones to act out for attention#anyway 💔#i really do need to go tho#and i'm sure i'll love the kids at my new job#but im so sadddd#also its unlikely i can find a well paying job w this age group even tho i love this age group#its basically impossible not to get attached to them at this age and i get to pick them up and hold and cuddle them and stuff#and you cant really do that with the older kids sadly#literally on the verge of tears even seriously thinking abt leaving#things have been p bad for a while due to management but i never seriously considered leaving bc i love the kids so much#but i literally can't see a future here#and my new boss clearly hates me and im worried she's going to try to get me fired#she already made up a bunch of lies about me and its only been three weeks#anyway i only make 15 an hour so hopefully i'll at least get more somewhere else and i know i'll still love the kids#its just really hard#which is why i've stayed this long#i was p unhappy before my new boss even started bc of the way they treated my old boss
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Domesticated Post-Tekken 2 Era Kazuya is my favorite to think about because this would be so good for him and everyone else but he would have an absolutely miserable time during it
#like I dont think he would REALLY miss the rich ceo lifestyle bc i dont see it as smth he ASPIRES to but as a means to give himself power#if you (jun) somehow manage to convince him that he does not actually NEED power then i think hes adaptable enough to ajust to a humble life#and the whole being rich thing fed into his worst traits#but I think being close to jun all the time would be torture for him bc he would CONSTANTLY be confronted to his own faulty morality#he cant help feeling above other common people bc he endured much more pain and hardships at 5yo than them in a lifestyle-#but he cannot act on his superiority complex about them bc Its Not The Right Thing To Do#he looks at his newborn son and feel *nothing* before feeling frustration and irritation toward *himself*#bc hes smart enough to know he SHOULD be feeling smth#and if he relunctantly admit this to jun she would tell him that if the best he can do (for now) is to not wish or do any harm on jin-#then it is good enough and he should not beat himself up about it (which he doesnt. but he does)#and even jun. she is another person he could lose and he knows deep down he would be happier without her#but being near her bring back to life smth that died years ago at the bottom of that cliff#and he wont admit it but hes scared to lose it again. even if right now its brings him nothing but discomfort and pain#hes not even sure if he *loves* her. and when he asks her whats in it for her. why she stays with him#(not out of self-consciousness but genuine confusion) she just smiles at him because he IS considering the feelings of someone else#like she is so understanding and he genuinely does try and its a really slow healing process#hes still gonna stay a little bit of a prick smug at times but at least he will be immensely more chill out#and even maybe fall in love with jun *jun* down the line. characters that fall in love with each other years into the relationship👍#and his whole exploration of fatherhood with jin. him vaguely recalling smth nice jinpachi (or god forbid. HEIHACHI pre-cliff) did to him#and doing the same to jin out of the blue for the sake of experimentation#and jin's positive reaction making him FINALLY AT LAST feel some tiny tiny thing for his son.#also for all her tree-hugger talk. jun is right meditating in the forest DOES help kaz a lot#anyway. yeah👍#tagging later#tekken
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Hornyposting in tags skip if u dont wanna see
#like wrestling collar matches right. idk. yesterday i was trying to explain my Deal to a friend when they asked if i was a puppy#and i was like. im not a puppy. because im not cute sweet baby boy . im a fucking Mutt.#im a grown ass dog with teeth.#and im a werewolf. im scared of the part of me with claws and teeth and no self control#and i love the part of me with teeth and claws and no self control#i dont want head pets sit up and beg good boy#at least DEFINITELY not outright#i want to be chained up and slapped and only when ive broken myself against my leash and am too tired to fight is it safe to pet me#i want reassured that i cant bite people because even when i get twitchy or scared or snappy the muzzle keeps me from hurting anyone else#and I dont want degradation i want seen as an equal being worthy of respect#and pro wrestling collar matches. i feel more resonance with that than i do with almost any pup play content ive ever seen#i want a fight. and maybe i want to lose. just to prove to myself that im not the threat im scared i am
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the 'i totally wrecked my walls' saga gets funnier bc ive spent the past few days trying to figure out how tf to get out of the inevitable fine and one thing i joked about was that i have a lot of hard hitters on my side if shit really does get nasty. like my flatmate's mum is an actual soliciter, my dad is a finance guy who can write an email so scathing you'll cry, my local friend's family owns half the property in the city and knows all the tricks of the trade when it comes to housing, and then there's just my mum who was like 'oh yeah i regularly used to dodge rent in my twenties. you'll be fine' and somehow she's the one im finding the most reassuring rn
#my mum looking at these insanely qualified people knowing she can one up them with the sheer experience gained from being poor#and she's right too. that's the fuck of it all#like she was trying to reassure me bc i nervously said to her 'im gonna be honest im NOT paying that fine if it comes to it'#bc im not! i dont deserve to! this tenancy has been a shithouse start to finish they have NO RIGHT to fine me over a dirty wall#like it does NOT cost that much to just go over it with some paint and it's not like i have a deposit for them to withhold from me#and i said to my mum thinking she'd be a responsible parent about it and be like 'no legally you HAVE to or they'll take it to court'#but she was so fucking unbothered she was like 'yeah when i was your age i literally couldn't afford to lose my deposit#so to ensure i still got it at the end of the year id just pretend my rent was late for however many weeks the deposit covered#and then id just leave. like id just leave without saying anything'#and that was that 😭 girl ffs. like her advice was really just 'call their bluff bc 9 times out of 10 they wont take you to court'#LEAST of all over an £80 fine for a bit of dirt on a wall. like lets be real here. i'll threaten to leave a review of all the shit#we've put up with during this tenancy and that'll be that i KNOW they'll roll over bc they've done it before we literally got rent back#for the first week at the start of the year bc people complained. im standing my ground#so even if the worst case scenario comes about that i cant salvage the walls and i do get fined#i now have full parental consent to just fucking dodge it LMFAOOOO#hella goes to uni
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Who else looking forward to the Tories getting their dick smashed into a incoming train when the 2024 election rolls around
#UK and USA elections lining up like the planets#at least here labour are. basically guaranteed a win#itd take some SIGNIFICANT suicidal politics to lose it at this point i think#the recent by-elections (pretty much Tory safe seats - labour won both by good margins)#show that Nobody wants even a month more of conservatives#like. how far will sunak and co go to try get a single vote more?#half expecting them to start offering BJs to random members of the public in the vain hope of securing more seats than the SNP#if current trends hold#there's a chance. small. but a chance. that the conservatives dont even get enough seats to be the main opposition party#like. SNP or lib dem might be there instead#which is. just fucking wild.#throwing your chances down the shitter so hard that you dont even get to be the main opponent next round#cant imagine what labour (sorta pro-devolution) and SNP (pro-devolution) could get up to#its going to be SOOOO FUNNY#whos ready to join me. it's like a year in advance but. 10pm GMT. When the exit polls come out#it might be a bigger labour win than 1997. its so atrociously lopsided right now#labour aren't sparkly clean but they're buckets better than 'homelessness is a lifestyle choice'#if your reading this from a conservative 'safe' seat#you are actually in a swing seat. jsyk. vote anything but conservative in the election and hope
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losing something you once had feels so much worse iv learned then realising youll never get something you never had
#this isnt true im just not in the middle of the second one anymore but its just. such a new sudden pain#what do you do when you lose a close connection with someone that used to tell you you made every day of their life better#and that theyd do anything to keep you in their life just a few months ago?#how you deal with the pain of the person youd go to to laugh with and cry to being gone?#i dont know. i dont other than to just. try to make sure im still here tomorrow and do the same the day after#its jsut so sudden. three years gone in less than a week i cant bear it. and i can still talk to them and i want it that way#and like. just just just i hope so deeply that one day we will be able to rebuild a relationship again#but thats dependant on them not on me. and i know if that day does come its at the several least months away#its not even their fault i know what theyre going through has to be awful too. i just dont know what it is and it feels so sudden for me#idk. what do you do when you lose the person you wanted to learn how to drive you could drive to meet them irl one day#before youve even started lessons? other than cry to olivia rodrigo ig but i was listening to olivia rodrgo without crying on friday#can i go back to that please? can i go back to before this fell apart becuase it did so quickly and i dont know how#vent#flappy rambles
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self isolation as a form of self preservation is going to end up killing me someday
#im already a fucking adult if i dont do something about this shit im gonna be lonely as hell#i just wish i had made friends at college like everyone else#instead of the poor choices of friends i made when i got in for the wrong ideas i had about the type of person i wanted to be#i simply ended up with no friends at the worst place to make friends#imagine me having 8 different classes each semester. each class had about 60 different students#each subject had at least 4 different teachers teaching that so you could choose when and who to take that class with#850 new students each year it was rare to end up on the same class as someone twice#unless you were already friends before and decide to take the classes together#most of my classes didnt have group projects either. no dynamic stuff just reading and reading and reading#it. was. HELL#i actually had like 3 people i could call my friends there but our classes never matched#and im not an easily approachable person i wanted to DIE when i made a friend there that told me she was scared to talk to me before#how many possible friendships i lose all the time for seeming unnaproachable?? for my fucking face bro i cant do shit about it#today my best friend from work also told me that when she first met me she thought i was cold and arrogant#but that i also seemed cool so she was like ok lets give her a chance#i keep fucking hearing it all the fucking time i have MANY friendships that started just like this. people judging me at first#this is so sad and lonely to me i dont wanna be this person#one time a friend also said something like im glad im already your friend id be scared of you if i didnt know you#like????? scared of WHAT. i never treat people badly. i dont fight i dont do gossip i dont do anything to hurt anyone#im always trying to get people together and have fun i always talk to everyone im always nice to everyone#im always trying#so why the hell people still think im unnaproachable#i dont get it i've been hearing this from FRIENDS my whole life. not from people who dont like me its people who LIKE me that say this#what the hell am i doing wrong besides being born with my fucking face#and then. above all. to make it all worse. i self isolate bc im scared of rejection. man i fucking hate being me#i really dont wanna be lonely
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Is going hiking with my family a cat death sentence?
I went hiking a week before Sammy died. I went hiking two weeks ago.
On the 28th, symptoms suddenly hit. 29th spent in hope. 30th they're dead
Sure are some mirrors for my boys haha
Ha
#speculation nation#animal death ment/#negative/#ykno ive thought on and off that cassy kinda looks like a washed out sammy#more round though. but a tabby through and through.#this wasnt supposed to happen for a few more years at least. i havent even had cassy for a year.#tally is going to be alone again when im at work.#im going to need to get another little plush cat. another spot taken on my memorial shelf.#going to this fucking animal hospital is just... not a great feeling huh haha#havent even put him down yet. im still in the car. but im trying to prepare myself for it.#it hasnt even been two years since sammy died...#this just... came out of nowhere... and i dont know what to do about it#cry i guess. ive already done that like 7 times lol. gonna be even more thats for sure#finding myself grateful i dont work tomorrow. even though it comes at the cost of missing the concert#but like. fuck the concert ultimately. i wouldnt have fun anyways#sucks but that's just how shit falls i guess#counting down the minutes until i lose another baby boy. i really cant handle this haha
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.
#am here to announce i am in the trenches my beloved#couldnt find a job for months and once i did i was so treated badly i had a breakdown in front of managers and quit immiedietly#i also used the reminder of my paycheck to fuck off to italy for 2 days staying in shitty hostely thingy#it is 3am im in verona and im having a breakdown#i geniuenly feel like i wasted 25 years of my life on studying and preparing for the wrong thing and now i have nothing#having almost 2 degrees (didnt complete masters thesis but done the course) and the only thinh i could get after months of searching#was minimum wage job where my purpose was getting yelled at by rich people in luxury environment that earns milions and cant even pay#more than minimum wage#i genuinely dont know what to do i am literally unable to earn anything#i also live in dublin now cause i got fucking brexited and i fucking hate it there#i am geniuenly losing it how can i not even get a part time barista job when i have 2 years experience and perfect english#anyways no time for fandom when you obsessively try to make a single thing work#more italy in few hours at least#personal
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I SEE PEOPLE ON THE FLOOR SLIDE INTO THE SEA CANT STAY HERE ANYMORE WE'RE TURNING INTO FIENDS IF I STAY HERE TROUBLE WILL FIND ME IF I STAY HERE ILL NEVER LEAVE..... ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
#i hope they play sea of love on tour its growing on me. this whole album has rly grown on me this year i used to be on the fence abt it#blaring the national loudly so i can think abt someone elses fears instead of my own... save me matt berninger#just had a little ripple in the ol mental illness and suddenly got rly scared for no reason abt triggering myself#its bc i was talking earlier abt how i find it easier to socialise w strangers than friends when im struggling mentally#bc i feel like i have so much to lose if i fuck up w ppl i care abt. and also when i care abt ppl it gives them the ability to hurt me#bc i cant get rsd triggered around strangers. their rejection has no bite bc idc what they think or if they like me etc#but when i care abt ppl a lot. being rejected by or percieving rejection from them is like. worldshatteringly bad#specifically feeling unwanted/unloved the approval/criticism stuff doesnt affect me as strongly#and it can be so unpredictable like ik its not rational. so being around them becomes incredibly high stakes for me which makes me so sad#bc like. if im having a bad time all i want is to not be alone and to feel supported and cared abt but i deny myself that always#ah and im just scared bc its rly hard to come back after a few weeks like that. like yeah im feeling much much better and more stable#but im still a little fragile so my guard is still up. itll take a while before i stop reflexively thinking ppl are lying to me#its a fake it til u make it thing tho ik i need to spend time w them again even if some distant part of me is trying to remind me they#dont care and im everyones least favourite and will forever be on the outside like okay who gives a fuck. i care abt them and want to#be around them and that should be enough for me but auruururuugh. one million prickly needles in my brain#its all good its part of the recovery process ive done this before 10000 times itll be fine. and they do care#and i just need to keep reminding myself that until i trust its real again. oh the national we really in jt now#its okayyyy its not that deep im just very tired. wobble over im going to BED#gn everyone <3#.diaries
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im not gonna say you cant use the n word w a hard r on a almost fully anonymous tumblr account where you claim to be black-
I will say that it makes you 100% more suspicious and worth keeping an eye out on you bc usually its neo nazis pretending to be black that spam saying the n word w an r and use tumblrs weird trust for almost fully anonymous accounts to their advantage to get away w it
you can say it, but, if you Are a neo nazi pretending to be black, I will say, you're not doing a good job of convincing me rn that you actually are.
#got too excited you could get away w saying it ey?#inb4 'PeOpLe aLwAyS DeMaNd yOu GiVe YoUr LiFe sToRy-' bs- babe--- i wouldn't have cared or even noticed or even remarked on it#if you said it w an a. its more believable at least. lmao.#and I say bs bc ik its likely a neo nazi and ik they know that we say that a lot on tumblr- that ppl dont owe u every detail of their life#- and ik a neo nazis one of the least trustworthy people in the world so ofc they would abuse that line to get away w saying the n word#w a hard r around a bunch of progressives who have so little info about you that they dont know if they get the right to feel uncomfortable#when you say it- but personally im not built like that and i will tell you rn im uncomfortable w you saying it and idc what excuse you give#doesnt mean you hafta do whatever i say. just means I actually take a stance on shit unlike a lot of easily manipulated tumblr users.#i mean come on. its a neo nazis wet dream to run around a progressive (well. given recent events- supposedly progressive) space#and say slurs unchecked by said progressives. its one of their favorite ways of having you shut up. even if it is all done in secrecy#like the cowardly bitch made bitch built bitches they are. theyd never do it off anon or with their face exposed.#they simply cant take the heat. so the only way this type of person can feel like they've won is when they do manipulative shit like this i#secret. which is just so so sad. this is how ik the nazis are gonna lose. you're too much of a cowardly bitch to say it in front of#progressives with your whole chest.#why're you so scared? afraid you might be outnumbered? afraid you might not win as many ppl over as you think you will?#i mean cmon nows the perfect time to take the mask off right? perfect time to radicalize leftists? surely there shouldnt be#an issue waving your red flag huh? come on now. dont be shy. why are you scared? afraid you might reveal to the leftists you're#trying to indoctrinate that you're actually a hateful pos? and that you've been manipulating them to hate jewish ppl?#nah you're right joshua tyler stevenson it's probably a better idea to hide in the shadows like a bitch.#you're black on the notoriously white website? yeah. ok#i mean im sure theres just so many black ppl just dying to be here. thats why most black ppl ik hate this site 😒 for sure dawg i believe u#i mean ig if there were ever a place for a black nationalist to roam unchecked it'd be here though... generally they stick to twitter ime#its just hard to believe when I seldom see black ppl on here to begin w and most of the ones I do see are just like. normal people#w/o weird fucked beliefs. and if you are black- i think its really interesting that the black ppl with black nationalist beliefs almost#never show their faces in any capacity ever while other normal black ppl do. what are you scared of? afraid ppl irl will recognize u#and laugh?? or is it that... you're not actually a black person......... so far professor flowers is the only internet black nationalist#who's dared to show their face that ik of.
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the thing about being literally malnourished when ur still fat is doctors wont give a single fuck
#'oh it looks like u lost some weight' 'wow ur a lot thinner than when i last saw u'#LOSING 30LBS IN A COUPLE WEEKS ISNT NORMAL !!!! ITS NOT NORMAL#especially when i wasnt trying to especially when i CANT exercise even if i wanted to#i have to get a surgery on my stomach and hopefully itll fix my vomiting problem but like#it might also kill me. or i might live but end up a lot worse#idk i dont have a lot of hope or faith anymore#but the way multiple doctors have been so nonchalant abt my weight loss is like#fuck u actually. have more of a reaction at least. i throw up after every thing i drink or eat its not normal ITS NOT!!!#the only reason im still trying to eat is bc im desperately trying to get some calories and nutrition in there!!! fuck!!!#its scary to lose this much weight but ofc doctors wont give a fuck because im fat so its supposed to be good for me right? no matter what
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Since this account is “dead” im vomiting some spicy brain stuff here (deleting later):
I feel fucking boarderline fucking devastated i havent seen my friends in WEEKS, im afraid to reach out bc i feel like i did smth wrong or im not being a good friend but if i ask if that’s the case i risk making things awkward and/or upsetting them somehow and i dont want that and my brain is being spicy with bad thoughts and im constantly digging my finger into myself for not meeting my expectations as an artist AND a full grown ass adult there’s so many things i need but i feel overwhelmed about what to do and asking people i know for help feels like im burdening them and taking valuable time out of their busy schedules and they may not even be able to help me in the first place, which is one of the reasons why i barely ask my dad for help since he’s always busy and the rest of my immediate family either have their plates full or can’t actually help me for whatever reasonable reason so i need to learn how to do things myself i just dont know where to start or what resources to refer to. We live in an age where information is act ur fingertips and I STILL cant push myself to look for a simple tutorial i dont know whats wrong with me my brain is fucked up and im worried that i have some kind of executive dysfunction i dont know how to go about it outside of just setting good habits, like how we develop hygienic rituals everyday, i just need to put in the effort to build some kind of well planned schedule or something maybe then i can get a fucking grip at improving my life let alone my skills as an artist i keep taking so fucking long to do what feels like mediocre work and i want to improve so bad but for some reason i do all this thinking and imagining and planning ideas out but my body can never move something’s wrong with me and i dont know what to do i sometimes get scared if im not bottleing up anger towards myself as i just sit there and vegetate im just so tired of being tired and not doing anything worthwhile with my life i just want to be better i want to feel better and i just need to do better i dont know i just dont know how else to go about it aside from vomiting words like this there needs to be some kind of outlet for all this noise its almost like gossip through old walls with peeling wallpaper and i hate it i hate that i keep imagining the worst situations like im trying to prepare to feel ready and making plans for what i could do in hypothetical stressful situations. I think that’s just a by-product mechanism i developed after losing my mom suddenly, i kept thinking that she would be ok and come back from the hospital but things just got worse and more machines and tubes and wires filled her hospital bed until she couldnt take it anymore one day. There have been days where i could even feel what she experienced while being trapped like that its terrifying and im scared to think about it even if it comes from a habit of trying to understand others by placing myself in their feet and dont get me started what i imagined what my dad went through and my brother and my mom’s sisters and brothers and her mother i dont know how things didnt get worse than they did. Ok maybe things still turned sour but i guess thinking it could’ve been worse is just me excusing the circumstances that a part of me feel did me wrong like some kind of injustice i didnt deserve to go through all that and neither did my family. But i think whats worse was the divide that formed im part to blame for that but i dont know how to connect with people that are like 40 years older than me i dont know their past that well and they dont want to burden me with their pasts so im just left to pick up hints and pieces. But how can i find the help i need when im still overcome with an old desire im trying to let die finding a romantic happily ever after was never in the cards for me to begin with im not conventionally attractive enough for my type to be attracted to me nor am i in a good place to be dating or risking my heart to get broken again i just dont think i can bear that pain of loss in another form i fear it woul break me so now im-
#-trying to learn to be ok with dying without ever finding romantic companionship#i dont know who he is or who he could be but i always imagined he’d be really nice#always making me laugh reassuring me and giving me so much love#from this I realized i needed a sense of love and i shouldnt limit it to romance#i think im just scared of doing anything that would risk losing things i cared about#maybe that’s why i always pick the Healer in RPGs#it feels nice to be needed AND helpful AND useful#at least youre thought of often when ur in pain#its easier to heal an arm or leg than a broken heart#im still trying to mend mine#i had hoped that my potential bf would be the one to heal me better but now i know i have to do this myself#maybe for the rest of my life#i hope it gets easier#i really hope it does#i hope i live long maybe even be immortal#maybe that’ll give me enough time to heal#thinking about the truth of death scares me to the point of a panic attack#i try not to think about it#i hope this gets easier#i want this to get easier to manage i dont want to burden other with these thoughts#i can feel that those around me can help with finding a solution#i can only find temporary self-soothing things to calm me down#im sorry to anyone i made worry over me i cant promise it wont happen again#i cant bring myself to being a burden i feel like i need to do this myself#its my body my mind my emotions so my responsibility
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my dad swears we have the fastest internet my isp offers (I looked it up and its 1GB, while the slowest is 300mps) but when I test my speed, it's on average 3-5mps. P A I N.
#how do i convince my dad to call them tO FIX IT. spectrum sucks. we have this issue every year and it takes a year at least to convince#my dad to call them to fix shit. it will shoot up to 100mps for a month and slowly drop back to 0.5mps again#im losing my mind and dont know what to do. i want to do art stuff on stream to try to promote my work and sell things/get comms#but i cannot when internet is trash garbage bullshit and my dad doesnt care#because its not HIS problem. he doesnt use it!!!!#sorry for whining. i cant even upload a picture on tumblr via wifi OR my ethernet connected pc. have to use phone data#ive been downloading the genshin update for 3 hours now and its only at 30%#my upload speed is 0.1-0.5mps and i need at LEAST 6mps to stream in 720p i believe. and thats without playing online games and stuff#i used to have 12-15mps upload and it worked fine for me most of the time but now i suffer and have no options because my dad is stubborn af#i wish fibre internet was available in my area. its supposed to be mkre reliable and faster#lee rants
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