#autistic stede

[deancaslover]

"I've been a failure my whole life. It's not so bad once you get used to it."

Stede, my beloved. We are the same.

[chaotic-autumn]

i'm just so obsessed with the hc that Stede is autistic bc it makes it an even more beautiful thing to see him explaining the culture he came from to Ed with total patience bc he understands perfectly how it makes no sense on the surface and requires learning a whole unspoken and non-literal language that doesn't come naturally to him

and ofc because he's spent his whole life doing exactly that he's able to explain it to Ed articulately and empathetically

[ipomoea-batatas]

Just got a mental image of newly minted besties Mary Allamby and Stede Bonnet workshopping his Romantic Hero look

Mary comes in to let him know that the deposit for the piano movers is all set and sees the familiar sight of Stede holding up clothes in front of himself in the mirror and frowning

In the past, this would have annoyed her—Stede always seemed to care about things like this at the expense of more important concerns—but this time she gives him a small smile and asks “and what vibe are we going for?”

Stede, used to her (maybe misplaced but not entirely undeserved) exasperation, hesitantly returns the smile in the mirror. “That’s just it,” he says. “What DOES one wear to find, confess to, and grovel before the love of one’s life?”

Mary’s face rearranges itself into what he suddenly realizes is a thinking frown—he usually assumed it was an angry or disappointed frown, before—and suddenly puts up a finger. “I’ll be RIGHT back. I have just the thing.”

She comes back with a book of etchings. “Have you seen Fragonard’s The Bolt?” She asks, flipping to a page and turning it around to place into his hands.

“Oh. Well, that’s…” he flushes. “I admitted I had thought of leaning into a rather more…libertine angle than my usual sort of dress, but…don’t you think this may be a bit…forward?”

“Stede.” Mary puts her hands on her hips. “You’re running off to sea to chase your true love. If there was ever a time to lean the fuck in, I’d say it’s now.”

Stede gives her a wavering smile as he hands the book back to her. “Well, the shirt I can certainly do…” his eyes take on a faraway look. “What about a sash, do you think? I always find a sash rather adds a touch of romantic mystique, don’t you?”

“Oh!” Mary puts a finger up again. “I have a bit of fabric left over from a figure study that would be perfect. Be right back.”

(Yes this painting and etching are from several decades in the future. Mary Allamby canonically has an art time machine)

[thats-entirely-too-much-tuna]

these frames are 37 seconds apart. for eighteen months we’ve been reading and writing and theorizing about their eventual reconciliation, and stede bartholomew bonnet managed to speedrun it in THIRTY-SEVEN SECONDS.

[everlovesbuffy]

SOUND ON 🔊 🔊🔊

BRUH I WAS REWATCHING THIS SCENE FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME AND I JUST NOTICED

Ed yells “FOR STEDE!” right before he brings the sword down on that English officer!!!

[nortsauce]

Man screw y’all i think stede is cool >:,(

I really love how inspiring he is. He’s a pure example of understanding your self worth while also knowing when its time to let someone teach you the skills you need to survive. BUT he also knows when someone is being a dick and he is able to stand up for everyone (but struggles to stand up for himself sometimes.)

man practice what you preach. TALK IT THRU DAMMIT.

also like:

look at him :(

💝

[theclaravoyant]

I find it funny that Archie says she expects Stede to be “more charismatic” as if his charisma isn’t the only thing keeping him alive to this point . Like . Charisma isn’t about attractiveness it’s about his ability to recruit and inspire his little band of misfits and charm his way into the hearts of so many people - Spanish Jackie for example, as of next episode he’s been back there THREE SEPARATE TIMES despite breaking her nose jar and then robbing her . Not to mention Zheng ! My man may not ooze swagger but he’s got charisma in buckets

[jomarchswritingjacket]

i remember making an autistic queens poll a loooooong time ago and well it’s time we get some autistic kings rep too

[naranjapetrificada]

Just a small thing I noticed while being totally normal about the gay pirates:

I've watched The Kiss™ way too many times a normal number of times and my favorite moment is the series of microexpressions Rhys cycles through while Stede is reacting to "what makes Ed happy is...you" because it's just so lovely and masterfully done. While trying to find a good gif of just that moment (no luck so far!) I noticed something that happens while Ed is pulling Stede in.

Stede, darling honey light of my life, clueless useless "oblivious" gay that he is, tilts his head a bit and leans into the kiss too. Before it's even started. On some level he registers that This Is Happening in time to react in a positive way, even before their lips have touched.

Our boy is a creature of instinct, and when he acts on his emotional instincts without thinking too much he knocks so much shit out of the park. Instinct is part of why "you wear fine things well" hits as hard as it does. Instinct is how he can woo Ed as easily as he does. Instinct is how they were able connect so deeply so quickly, because his instinct is to be open and non-judgemental to this beautiful man waiting beside his sickbed and asking about fine fabrics.

Stede's thoughts are still too clouded by his trauma and self-loathing to be useful for him, and he can end up thinking too much about what he "should" do or what other people do. Thinking is part of the reason he's so quick to believe Chauncey in the woods. Thinking means succumbing to beliefs about his perceived worthlessness, which leads to his biggest mistakes. Thinking tells him to adjust what he says about Blackbeard in that tavern of townies, when his instinct was to say how "absolutely lovely" Ed is.

Obviously man cannot live by instinct alone, like he definitely should have thought for a minute about making a deal with Geraldo to fence the hostage. Stede needs to learn to balance the two and when to listen to either/both of them. But I was just so excited to see him leaning in the way he does because it underlines a feeling I've had for a minute, which is that Stede's instincts are those of someone crushing and then falling in love, and that never wavers.

He lacks the context and vocabulary to identify what's going on without outside intervention, but he also deeply gets it in a way that's extremely queer and that I hope starts showing up more in the fanon. I do a little happy dance every time I see this in people's fics and I just need so many more of them! Give me more eager Stede who is Ready To Go once he's given the right context for his feelings about Ed!

[cloverjester]

My favorite relationship dynamic is when person A is autistic and goes off infodumping about something without a care in the world and person B doesn’t understand a single thing they are saying but stares at them with heart eyes anyway

[amuseoffyre]

Tally of the times Stede walked/ran away from stressful and/or upsetting situations:

his childhood bullies

Mary - the big one

an attempted escape from Nigel & Co. with words

the party on the ship

the beach with Calico Jack

the wayward seamen (snerk) academy when he saw Ed’s face

the curious incident of the Badminton in the night time

Boy has a clear stress response and that stress response is “DO NOT BE HERE. LEAVE. LEAVE NOW.”

[ashleeofjupiter]

Just thinking about Crowley tearfully saying, ‘I lost my best friend’, and Aziraphale earnestly responding with,

‘I’m so sorry to hear it’

[chaotic-autumn]

feeling absolutely feral about the moment Stede finally realizes he's in love with Ed, get ready for some Thoughts

i've mentioned before how much i love the reading of Stede's character as autistic (and just generally how neurodivergent coded he and ed are) and I think interpreting his character this way makes the payoff of this Epiphany moment even more powerful. (might make a separate post on rom com plot points in ofmd sometime because i am unhinged about that too)

And it's SO important to me that this moment isn't played for laughs, because I am so sick of "neurodivergent-coded people Not Understanding Stuff" being a punchline. It's NOT written like "oh haha you dummy, DUH it was so obvious" (i mean maybe it is a little but in an affectionate way), we have compelling narrative evidence to justify why Stede doesn't understand that he's falling in love (and that Ed loves him back). And that makes it so so beautiful and affecting when he finally gets it.

An important coping mechanism for ppl with social anxiety/who struggle with social interaction is to really analyze the logic and intention behind social customs/things people say/etc. And it can be such a big EUREKA! moment when you do figure out the subtext/purpose of an interaction. Like for me realizing that the goal of small talk isn't to learn how the other person feels about the weather, it's a way of saying "i am acknowledging your personhood by acknowledging that you have feelings about the weather, that this experience, though trivial, is shared" made small talk SO much more bearable for me. (i mean sometimes it's still excruciating but at least now i get that it's not Pointless)

ANYWAY, we see Stede doing this in Episode 5 when he's explaining aristocratic social life to Ed:

"...and dining is pageantry." (sorry for the mediocre screen grabs)

And we see that even though he understands it, he doesn't feel comfortable with it or fit into it naturally, and he empathizes with Ed's struggle to learn the unspoken language of high society. (eg. "That's diabolical"/"It is") In fact Stede's whole storyline in this episode is basically about how much he empathizes with Ed's experience of trying to fit in with the "upper crust", and finally being able to turn the tables on the people who were mean to Ed, the way he couldn't as a child when people were mean to him.

But there's a limit to the helpfulness of this! Because ultimately emotions aren't always rational, and it can be really hard to interpret/accept your own feelings. Especially when you can't refer to an existing experience of times you felt/dealt with similar feelings. And that is frustrating and can be painful, and that pain can lead to avoidance/redirecting that pain.

(personal example but like: I spent so much time as a teenager getting so mad at myself for how IRRATIONAL all my hurt feelings and intrusive thoughts were, and that just contributed to the negative self image spiral. And it felt like this endless and unbearable cycle so I just constantly tried to distract myself with schoolwork/tv/etc)

We see Stede having this reaction a little in Episode 2 with Nigel's "ghost" (ie. a representation/manifestation of his guilt and self-doubt):

And then the elder hits the nail right on the head right here:

Stede feels guilty about Nigel's death, but Mainly (like fundamentally to his character arc in this season) he feels guilty about leaving Mary and his kids. But that guilt hurts too much, he doesn't want to think about that AT ALL, so he thinks about Nigel instead.

Now obviously he hasn't met Ed yet at this point, but this gives us as an audience important insight into how he deals with intense or frightening feelings (by avoiding them). This episode is also a crucial part of establishing the depth of Stede's self-doubt, which contributes to him not seeing that Ed is falling in love with him. I think that is linked to Stede not recognizing his own feelings for Ed, because overall he's just blind to the possibility that love is what is happening on either side of the equation.

And ESPECIALLY in the context of the queer experience it can be even harder to interpret your feelings in the love and relationships department because there's less language to explain it & fewer examples of it to help you conceptualize that "it's love" is even a possibility. Stede has never loved anyone romantically before, so he has no point of reference for what it feels like. Presumably, until becoming a pirate he hasn't seen examples of queer romance, so he has no script for what that looks like to refer to either. Basically, until the "what does it feel like to be in love" scene, Stede has no context to help him understand ANYTHING he has gone through emotionally since meeting Ed.

It's also significant that Mary is the one who describes love to Stede. Not only because of the closure the scene brings to the narrative by absolving Stede's guilt over leaving her, but because her relationship with Doug is hetero. It's permissible, it's familiar, it's instantly recognizable. She never says "I'm in love with Doug", Stede just knows. When she describes what love feels like, she's describing the internal experience of something that Stede has witnessed throughout his life but never been able to empathize with. And in that moment it clicks for him -- he DOES empathize with what Mary is saying. That is EXACTLY how he feels about Ed. (Because despite stereotypes, it's not like people on the spectrum are incapable of empathy, it's just that it can be harder to achieve because it's harder to interpret/extrapolate other people's emotions)

All of a sudden everything just makes sense. He's seen love but never known what it felt like, he's felt love but not recognized it. But hearing Mary describe it finally helps him put those two things together. He is in love with Ed. All those things people do for love in books that he could never quite understand? He gets it now, he can see himself doing those things because he is in love with Ed. The excitement and fear and confusion and intensity that has overwhelmed him these past weeks? That was LOVE. FOR ED. mother. fucking. EUREKA!

and and and AND in a meta sense, the epiphany Stede has kind of mirrors the audience's reaction to the scene. All those little moments he's flashing back to? Those were signs. That he was falling in love with Ed. Of course that's what they were, because we KNOW what romantic love looks like. We know how writers and directors and actors depict it on screen. and it is (or at least can be) no different between two men than it would be between a man and a woman.

This moment even more than the kiss to me was vindication for all the queerbaiting I believed could be queer representation. for johnlock and destiel and everything else. I wasn't crazy for thinking this line or that moment could be meant to signal romantic love. Queer romance that is just as layered and angsty and joyful and central to the plot as straight romance can exist on TV. Queer stories that aren't just about the characters' queerness but don't ignore it either CAN get made. We will put neurodivergent, queer people of color on TV.

And that's how this show increased my faith in humanity and revived my passion for my chosen career. Thank u for coming to my ted talk.

TLDR; Stede couldn't recognize what love looked or felt like until Mary spelled it out for him, and the way the writing links this inextricably to the trauma of growing up queer and neurodivergent in an unaccepting world makes me want to cry

a disclaimer for all my autistic stede posts: i am not autistic, i am a very Social Anxiety & Depression ADHDer. if you are autistic pls lmk your thoughts and/or if something i've said is insensitive or just Not Right

[arsenicflame]

stede is 'oh this place has something related to my interest i must go in immediately' autistic and izzy is 'if we deviate one inch from my plan for today i will murder someone' autistic

[ipomoea-batatas]

Literally the most autistic thing Stede does in the whole show is waking up to Mary trying to kill him and immediately workshopping other methods she could have tried

[sak-supernatural]

Our Flag Means Death is for the neurodivergent and/or LGBTQIA+++ people and you can't convince me otherwise. I mean if you are none of the above and like the show, then great! But I think it's beautiful that there is a show that so easily encapsulates these aspects of the human experience without the need to label the fuck out of the character being portrayed.