#average day at walmart

[quirkle2]

helplessly flailing around an arena while the boss beats u senseless is the elden way

[obscenely-overdue]

[OOC] Weighted Pregnant Belly Instructions

Hi everyone! For those interested, I've jerry-rigged a method to pad/simulate/wear-a-fake-pregnant-tummy-for-kink-purposes with some real weight and firmness to it that I think people would like! It works very well for me but is also functionally a prototype/first pass at the idea, so there are certainly areas that it could be improved. (which is me saying "experiment and improve upon this, we can make it better!")

I'll preface this with the fact that, if you pay full price for everything involved, assuming you have NONE of it to start, it's probably about $120. That said, about $20-25 of that comes from a specific kind of pillow and blanket, which you very well may have, which would bring it realistically down to $100, and some of it is stuff which can be bought on sale pretty easily, which would land you in the neighborhood of $80. Again, it isn't cheap, but it has something not even a fancy Roanyer tummy has:

WEIGHT and BULK

It's also made of inconspicuous or otherwise easily hidden items, so if you have roommates or family who could see this stuff, it's great at being tucked away or hiding in plain sight. If you're curious, I have pictures, a shopping list, and step by step instructions, as well as some further tips and info. It's pretty long so I'm putting it under a cut...

Let's get started!

What you'll need:

One piece of fully body shapewear (the mauve one on top) and one piece of "tummy tuck" shapewear (black on the bottom). The full body one is about 2 sizes too big for what it's meant to do normally (so for me, an XXXL. This is the same shapewear I use for my squishmallow tummy for RP blog pictures), and the tummy tuck one is the "correct" size for my body (XL). The tummy tuck one gives you all the support, so you don't want it too oversized. DON'T GO UNDERSIZED EITHER as what we're going to load this up with is gonna cause some compression, and too much pressure on your abdomen can be harmful. When in doubt, go at your size or maybe one size bigger, but no farther. Both of these run $20-30 a piece at a target but also can be found on sale for $10-20. Target is going to charge you more than Walmart, and it doesn't have to be top of the line.

One soft, round pillow. This is like a $6 pick up from Walmart. It's not just soft from it's fabric, but it's specifically not firm to the touch. It's all give and is very malleable. Technically you could use a regular pillow too, but this being roughly disk shaped helps it do its job as basically the "lower belly" that keeps the weight from shifting too low.

An averaged sized blanket. Softer materials that fold and bunch up easier are preferred. You PROBABLY already have something that will work for this, but if you don't, again, Walmart will charge you like $15-20 for one.

And finally...

A 20 lbs kettlebell. This BASTARD is the single most expensive thing you'll need, and unfortunately is required if you want it to be properly heavy. This one came from Target, and ran me $55. You might think you want to go heavier, but trust me, this thing has all the heft you'll need. If you really want to, you could feasibly go for a 25 lbs. one, but those are even more expensive. The kettlebell shape is important because it's mostly round, unlike a dumbbell, so we can wrap it up and use it for a reasonably pregnant-shaped belly. A dumbbell of this weight might be a little cheaper, but if you're already going to drop $40 on an oddly shaped weight, another $15 so it can fit the tummy shape is worth it.

Putting it on:

[DISCLAIMER: If at any point something HURTS while putting this thing on or while wearing it, safely but quickly remove it. The weight is supposed to be cumbersome and a little uncomfortable for the fantasy of it, but if anything HURTS, something is wrong, and you need to take it off. If you lay on your back with this thing on for too long, get ready for ab muscle aches, possibly the next day, as your tummy will be supporting 20 lbs of external weight just pressing on it, and those muscles don't get used unless you work out. I've never worn this thing overnight to sleep, but I don't advise it, as extended period of compression can be harmful. Same logic as to why AFAB people who don't want visible boobs shouldn't bind for too long.]

Start by putting on the fully body shapewear, and then putting the tummy tuck shapewear over that. The fabric under my shapewear here is my sports bra, which isn't part of the belly process.

Next you're going to load the soft, round pillow into the full body shapewear. It's going to kind of fold in on itself and that's not an issue, if anything it gives a nice little landing zone for the next thing we're going to add.

Don't fight trying to get the pillow under the tummy tuck shapewear, right now just roll it down to your waistline under the pillow bulk like so.

Next you'll take your blanket, lay it out, set the kettlebell inside of it, and wrap/bunch it up. You want it something approximating 'round', making sure the kettlebell isn't going to roll/fall out when you pick it up.

Next, you load the wrapped up bastard in, setting it on top of the pillow. The kettlebell is going to shift, and try to sink deeper, that's fine, just maneuver it so it sits on the pillow, allowing the pillow to spread the weight more evenly.

Before you pull up the tummy tuck shapewear, it's going to look like this, notice how the bottom of it is lighter because that's all pillow, with the blanket over top.

Now comes of trickiest/most strenuous part, you gotta pull out the tummy tuck shapewear and get it out and around the bulk of your "tummy". You'll have an easier time if you pull the back part up a little first, so it's not fighting you, which you can see in the above photos. If anything starts to hurt during this process, stop and take it out, because likely something is too tight or too heavy.

Once the tummy tuck shapewear is pulled all the way up, it should look about like this, and you're loaded up and ready to waddle!

Notice how much more contained it all is? It's not spilling off of me anymore, it's firmly held against me. Now, just top with your favorite maternity shirt!

Or don't!

Now, clearly, it doesn't LOOK very pregnant. It's lumpy and awkward and it'll come out downright lopsided your first few times. But this isn't for taking pictures for an RP blog, this is for simulating something close to the feeling of carrying something heavy like a pregnant belly around. For those of us who can't or don't want to actually get pregnant, this is a decent approximate that's reasonable to buy and easily hidden. This is for nights after everyone else is in bed or you're home alone, and it can be a LOT of fun.

Great, now what do I do with it?

This is the end of the instructions and is more just ideas for some fantasy fulfillment. Feel free to drop your own ideas in replies or reblogs!

So something that sets this belly apart from just a pillow, or bunched up clothes under your shirt, is that it's very firm, and independently held against you. A pillow under your shirt is dependent on the shirt for structure. If you lift the shirt, pillow falls off. That is not the case here, so suddenly, you've unlocked the ability to put on too small clothes, or button ups, or robes, whatever, that's too small for you now, and can fuss and mess with it without affecting the stability of the belly. You can wear pants that don't button or simply bunch up under that heavy, firm underbelly. Hell, you can simulate getting dressed with a 20 lbs mass hanging off of you. Put on socks around this thing, it's the stuff of preg kink dreams!

Getting up and down, laying in bed and rolling over, the shit that's easy to do now, takes a LOT more effort all of the sudden. Again, I urge you not to lay flat on your back too much, because I did that while padding before bed, and woke up with some muscle aches centered on my tummy, in muscles that I hadn't used in god knows how long. Don't over exert yourself with this thing. I'm bringing this up a lot because I don't want anyone getting hurt.

Taking the stairs is nuts. Going up is way more effort, and going down feels almost hazardous as you wont have vision of your feet anymore.

If you're into the domesticity of pregnancy, try doing some household chores with this thing on! Loading a dishwasher, doing some laundry, maybe some tidying. I personally have found it weirdly exhilarating, waddling around loading the washing machine around this heavy bulk. Have fun bending over to pick up something you dropped!

Even just chilling and gaming with a lap full of heavy belly feels kind of new and exciting. When you're not used to it, even the mundane shit gets hotter with a tummy like this

That's about all I got. If someone else gets everything and tries this out, let me know your experiences with it and how you've improved it! I've had an ask suggest a weighted medicine ball, so that could also work if you have one you're willing to test out. Please enjoy, and share with your pregnancy loving mutuals! Thanks for reading!!!

[the-shiftshop]

Changes Happen All The Time. You're Just Aren't Aware Of It

"Here's a long transformation story to keep up with my debt." - Uncle Lee

--

Finally, graduation. Ron and Paul had finally finished college and it was time for the childhood friends to come back to their home town. The two were unseparable every since childhood. Until they were college, they both went to the same university, taking the same course, living in the same dorm room.

On this day, it's was time to bring all their stuff back home. Paul is already done with his, with Ron driving him back and forth, so this time, it was Paul's time to help Ron bring all his stuff back.

"Eyes on the road, man. I swear you're going off the road" Paul tapped his buddy as he continue fidgeting with his phone.

Paul is your averarage college senior. Although wanting to build muscles, his studies get in the way, making him stay on an average build. Not too skinny, yet not that fat. Although his studies matter so much, he never backs down from adventures especially when it's with Ron.

"Yeah, well. We're basically in a deserted area. No cars, no buildings, and frankly, I don't think I'll hit something either way." Ron argued, still listening to Paul and makes sure the van is on he right lane.

Ron on the other hand can be mistaken for a stereotypical jock bro if only he's not known for being one of the top notchers in the university, and also maybe because of his rectangular glasses. He is lean with muscle and he lives showing off both his brain and brawn. He has an average amount of body hair on his face, chest, arms, and legs, which most of the time were kept trimmed.

Both had been long good friend despite differences especially with preferences. A very inseparable pair.

"I'm honestly kinda thirsty. Think we can find some place to buy drinks around here?" Ron followed, eyeing for any buildings in the horizon.

"I bet not." Paul answered. "I can find you some water from the back if you want."

"Naw.. We already drank them all. Thought we only had two of our own bottles." Ron replied.

"Alright, let's see..." Paul went to his map app and scanned for any shop the map app, and sure enough one suddenly appeared.

Paul could've sworn that wasn't there before, but eh, it's probably just because we didn't zoom in enough.

"Here's one, just a few more kilometers away." Paul showed Ron.

Ron drove to the location of the said shop and lo and behold, there was one shop just along the road in the middle of nowhere.

They parked on the edge of the road in front of the shop, turned the van off and went out together. As Paul checked the condition of their van, Ron walked near the store.

"Hey, I'll go ask for some water. You can wait for me out here" Paul said.

"Yeah, sure. I'll just check if we're still good here." Ron replied, tapping on the van's hot wheels.

As Paul walked near the shop, he started to feel all tingly and weird. As if he's entering a separate dimension of some sort through a force field. A large sign is placed just above the wooden door.

"The Shift Shop" Paul read.

Without anymore hesitation, Paul proceeds and marvelled at the view of the inside.

Through he wooden door, it wasn't like anything from the outside. It felt like one of the shops you see in your favorite fantasy movies. There were areas with sparkling contraptions, a flying phoenix roaming the store, small fireworks exploding in different colors, it all looked magical.

Paul closed the door and proceeded deeper. It may seem magical, but there were shelves displaying products as if it's Walmart. Paul saw food, hygiene products, electronics, dairy, snacks, and anything you may imagine. There was even an area for clothes and accessories. Paul was too much in awe that he forgot what he came in for.

Soon, he reached the counter. A bell on top of it rang automatically to acknowledge his presence and to notify the owner that a visitor had come by, almost too automatic to look like it has a life of its own.

"Just a moment!" Paul heard a deep voice coming from behind the curtain across the other side of the counter, although he swear the voice spoke of a different language, probably Korean, yet somehow he understood it automatically.

The bell rang again, rushing the man to come out as soon as possible. "Told you, Bell, to wait for a moment! I'm... you know what nevermind." The man spoke again and Paul confirmed it was Korean, yet he understood.

The man finally walked out of the curtain, and Paul gasped at the fair skinned Asian hunk wearing a thick-framed glasses. He was topless with a messy wet hair, wearing only a long beige dress pants, buckled with a black belt.

"Apologies, but my bell is always so eager to have me come and greet my visitors. I just finished taking a bath and, yeah I guess it's evident." The man spoke, this time in English. As he finish speaking, he wears the white plain shirt he was holding, "Welcome to the Shift Shop. I'm guessing this is your first time?"

"Y-Yeah. It's honestly... amazing here." Paul managed to mutter.

"Thanks, that's centuries of good work." The man chuckled, "I'm the owner of the shop, Timotheo Lee, or you can just call me Uncle Lee."

"Uncle?" Paul chuckled. The man does not look like he's old enough to be his uncle, nor be anyone's uncle anyway. He seem to be just around 25, and those youthful muscle and smooth skin did all the talking. "Is that a pen name or something?"

"Oh, I'm not kidding about the century thing. I'm older than what you think." Uncle Lee smirked.

"Really?" Paul didn't bother lengthening the discussion about his age. The shop itself already seemed so unreal. The man could even be a older than how many centuries he guess. Instead, his eyes roamed around the room.

Uncle Lee chuckled once more and moved closer to her customer. "Seems like you're looking for something, I mean you proceeded deeper into my shop. You're thirsty for something magical, aren't you?"

Paul laughed. "I'm honestly just 'thirsty' thirsty" He replied, "But something magical doesn't seem like a bad idea."

Uncle Lee tapped on his bell "Jules!" He called out and suddenly a short nerdy suited up staff appeared from thin air.

"S-Sir!" Jules replied, stuttering.

"Guide our new visitor to some areas he might fancy" Uncle Lee winked at Jules.

Jules seemed to almost melt just by his boss's wink. He made a soft 'aww' right after the man did so. "Y-Yes, sir!" Jules gave a salute and invited Paul to some part of the shop.

---

Paul had roamed around longer than he expected. He tried a bunch of testers and witnessed different kinds of magic while in the store, all of which Jules let Paul try on him.

There were fruits that turn people older or younger. There were gadgets that help you fulfil your wishes. There were literally a lot to see, but soon enough Paul stopped by a certain product that catched his eyes.

"A jade necklace?" Paul asked.

"Oh, not just any jade necklace" Jules said in a deep rumbling voice. Throughout all the testing, Jules ended up with a body of a 40 year old body builder with dog ears and tails that matches his white hair. "It's the Necklace of Names."

"Necklace of Names?" Paul repeated.

"Necklace of Names" Jules repeated back. "It's supposed to make the wearer able to change whoever he calls in a different name, and the other person will never know the changes!" Jules exclaimed. "Let's have this for an example: I'm wearing the necklace and I called you by any name aside from your actual name, for instance, I called you 'gramps'. You'll turn into a grandpa version of yourself!" Jules explained. "Or if I call you by a name of a famous actor, or someone I know, that'll automatically change you to that person. It's honestly best if you an try it yourself."

Jules takes the necklace and brought it to Paul's hand.

"And the person I change won't notice a thing?" Paul asked for confirmation while looking at the green pendant the necklace has.

"They certainly wont and their mind and personality will also adapt," Jules answered. "And in most cases, reality also adjusts, but you still have to be careful".

"If it's magic, bet it has some sort of consequences once I started using this, no? I mean just like in the movies" Paul asked

Jules nodded "Exactly." He said, "But if you wanna try it on just like what you did to the other products, don't worry, we had the consequence feature turned off when it's just for testing. But for this specific bad boy..." Jules tapped on he necklace. "I honestly don't think you'll consider it a consequence. Bet you'll even like it. I can tell you what it is unless you like surprises."

"Surprises, huh." Paul looked at the necklce and back to Jules "Yeah, I'm up for surprises. I'll figure it out on my own"

"Great! So a keeper?" Jules smiled.

"A keeper."

Paul was convinced already and didn't even have to try it on Jules. They walked back to the counter and paid.

"Mhmm. The Necklace of Names." Uncle Lee sang. "You have a great taste." He looked at me and back at the necklace. "That would be a dollar."

A dollar? That's so cheap for this quality and he expected more. Paul brought his wallet from his pocket and pulled out 2 dollars and placed it on the counter.

"This shouldn't be just a dollar. It even looks expensive." Paul remarked.

"Oh, Paul. It's alright. It really is just a dollar." Uncle Lee nodded and adjusted his glasses. "This shop does not really run from profit. This exchange is merely just like signing a contract by barter." He continued. "I prefer to know you're enjoying the magic than earning money from the magic."

Paul stared at Uncle Lee and his eyes lit it.

"And you know, I choose my customers well. I know you'll do great with our items." Paul smiled.

"Thank you." Paul smiled by the compliment. He's starting to understand why Jules reacts all shy around him.

"Anyways, I'll keep the other dollar. You best be on your way to your trip, and you, Jules..." Uncle Lee trailed off, looking at the silver fox hunk Jules had turned into. "Let's come to the back. I have to do something with that thick ass of yours" He winked at Jules and then waved goodbye to Paul. "Take care, Paul."

---

Paul left the store with a smile. He really had paid for the necklace with just a dollar. He decided to put it on and walked back to the van.

There was Ron, now holding 2 big bottles of water he got somewhere.

"Dude, where did you go? What took you so long?" Ron has his eyebrow furrowed, all while taking a drink from his water.

"Ah! Right. I forgot to buy-"

"Already did that, man. I was looking for you inside the store and you weren't there. Where did you go?" Ron asked again.

"I was inside the sh-" Paul turned back to look at the shop, but gasped at what he saw.

The shop was different now. Gone with the big signage and the wooden door. It turned into a regular off-the-road convenience store. Paul kept his mouth shut and looked back to Ron.

"Let's get back on the road. It's getting dark." Ron commanded and they both went back in the van.

---

It has been a few minutes and they've finally reached a populated area, and Paul still couldn't stop thinking about what happened. It was obviously not any hallucination since the necklace he bought is still hanging on his neck. Nevertheless, he'd want to try the necklace out, but to whom?

"You're unusually quiet. What's up?" Ron snapped Paul back to reality. "We passed by a lot of interesting sights earlier and you didn't even reacted like how you would."

"Nothing. Just thinking." Paul excused.

"Whatever it is, I ain't the type to just let my buddy stay silent throughout the drive. Whatchu wanna do?" Ron asked.

"Nothing, really." Paul replied, "Don't worry about it."

"Naww. C'mon." Ron then chuckled. "You know I'm not that type to pretend like I ain't seeing you're out of your usual mood."

It's really hard for Ron to endure that, and as much as he can, he tends to joke around just to make Paul laugh. And as for Paul, those damn words. It always was what reminds him of things he can never let go.

Paul always had a big crush on his childhood friend. Although he never had trully opened up to Ron about it because of the fear of losing his friend. Because of that, he always had to push those thoughts away to preserve their friendship, yet it's really hard when your friend is all affectionate like this.

"You wanna jerk off?" Ron smirked.

"What? No! Where did that come from?" Paul jumped from his seat. His heart beating too fast.

"Come on~ My bestfriend just needs a little bit of release~" Ron teased. He was joking. Paul knows that. It always had been a joke. "I'll stroke that dick if I were you. It's just the two of us anyway."

"Oh, shut up, Ron!" Paul laughed.

"What? If you don't want to, I'll stroke it for you." Ron giggled, jokingly placing a hand on Paul's thigh, immitating some stereotypical dumb jock asking for some bro time with his buddy.

"Stop that, you horny dumb jock-" Paul eye's widened as he finish his sentence. He snapped his head back to Ron as Ron suddenly groaned.

The van started to slow down until they stopped on the side of the road. Paul's eyes widened as he realized what he had just done. Ron was changing. The necklace was doing its job.

"U-Urgh..." Ron groaned as he stretched his body, his hand still on Paul's thigh, which was now massaging it. "Fuck, bro..."

Bro. Ron was turning into a "Horny Dumb Jock" he just called him.

Ron's muscles started to morph itself, changing his build in one way or another. His body hair started to disappear to look like they're cleanly shaven away. Tattoos apeared around his body, and he can feel it. The muted pain of tattoo needles crawled around his body, but it wasn't really that painful to him. It was pleasurable. Ron started to move his other hand around his body, feeling every skin. Pinching his nipple through his t-shirt, then feeling his abs inside, then moving it to paw his growing hard on. All the while his other had was roaming around Paul's thigh. Ron's clothes started to change. His shirt darkened and shifted to a tanktop, loose enough to show his chest. His glasses disappeared, and a cap formed on his head. His eyebrows furrowed harder as his old memories gets replaced by new ones. He's a horny dumb jock. He spend all his day fucking, masturbating, and jocking out. All the knowledge of a top notcher disappeared. His memories with Paul did not disappear, though some parts like their dynamics, their hobbies together, changed. Soon enough, Ron finished changing, physically and mentally.

"Fuck, bro. I really..." The newly jockified Ron groaned. "I really need to bust one out. I..."

Paul was left speechless. He did it. He accidentally used the necklace on Ron. He doesn't know how to feel about this, but there he stared at his childhood friend-slash-crush.

Ron moved his hand back to his crotch, pawing at his hard on that seemed to have grown than its original size. His other hand, still on Paul's thigh, squeeze it.

Paul was turned on and don't know why. He noticed his cock also hard in his pants, and Ron, squeezing his thigh, is making it more arousing.

"I need to... urgh.... jerk off." Ron grunted, like it is very urgent for him to release. "C-Can I?" Ron looked at Paul.

They stared at each other. Paul felt his heart beat faster than ever. At some point Paul wants to join Ron, but he's trying all his best not to.

"R-Ron...nnie" Paul tried to call on Ron, but for some reason, he called him Ronnie. He never called him that, but it seems automatic.

It was the necklace's work. Each change also gives the other person a new name. This is to have it easy for the owner to turn the other person back to their original body. And for this instance, Ron had just turned into a horny jock named Ronnie.

"Y-Yeah, go on. I-I don't mind, R-Ronnie." Paul stuttered.

"Yeah... No homo, bro, alright?" Ronnie said while pulling down on his shorts, revealing his hard cock. "Fuck..."

Paul stared at Ronnie as he jerked off. Ronnie still carressing Paul's thigh as he do so. "Yeah... No homo..." Paul repeated, staring at Ronnie's cock.

It was his first time seeing Ronnie's cock after years. Although it seems like this version of Ron has a bigger dick than the original.

The van was filled with loud sensual moans. Paul watched Ronnie's pecs bounce as he stroke his cock. Ronnie looks so hot when his face contort everytime he finds his own pleasure spots. Soon enough, Ronnie was near.

"F-Fuck, bro. I'm gonna-" Ronnie stroke faster, and he gripped harder on Paul's thigh. "I'm gonna cum!"

Ronnie came loads of cum all over his shirt, some of them landing on his cap, almost making a big mess on his van.

"O-Oh... Shit.... That feels sooo good." Ronnie limps down, taking deep breaths as he chuckle and looked back to Paul. Ronnie removed his shirt and used it to wipe all his cum off his body and his cap, and Paul had a good look on his hunky body. Ronnie noticed and smirked.

"You seem like you're hard too, bro." Ronnie eyed Paul's cock, which Paul hid on cue. "Naw, bro. You know we can be this comfortable to each other." Ronnie smiled at him. "Want me to help you out?" He asked, moving one hand back to his knee, moving up to his thigh

Paul's eyes widened. "N-No. I'm alright, Ronnie."

"You sure? You can always say No Homo anyway?" Ronnie's face gave a mild frown. "I told you if anything to make my bro happy, I'll do it."

"I-It's fine."

"Aight, suit yourself."

And they continued their drive with Ronnie, shirtless, and Paul's cock, hard.

---

The rest of the drive gave Paul the opportunity to experiment on his friend. In the last 30 minutes, Paul decided to experiment more. Ron had turned into a dad, a freshman, a foreigner, and other stuff Paul managed to trigger as they converse. Satisfied and almost near their destination, Paul reverted Ron back to his original body just by calling him again in his real nickname "Ron".

Upon arriving at Ron's house, Paul could've sworn Ron had been stealing glances from him more than usual. While they we're fixing stuff, it's often for Paul to find out Ron is lost in deep thoughts. He had caught Ron staring at him, sometimes adjusting the collar of his shirt, and even his underwear.

By sunset, they are almost finished putting everything in place in Ron's room. Both Paul and Ron were left sweaty due to carrying a bunch of stuff from the van to the house.

"I gotta take a quick break." Ron said as he took his shirt off and dropped them on the side. "Could you bring the last box in?" Ron asked Paul as he sat on the chair.

"Yes, sir" Paul answered.

"Damn, that could be another trigger. " He tought to himself.

What he called him as a little vague. Ron could turn either a very well respected dad, or his professor, or someone that can dominate him in bed. As he looked back to where Ron was sitting, there he saw the new man.

Before the new Ron could speak, Paul's eyes widened and hurried himself out the room and grabbed the last remaining box. His friend, his crush, turned into one heck of a dreamboat.

Reaching the living room, Paul came to he box. It was a big box that should be carried by two people, but Paul managed to carry it himself. Although struggling, he carried it to the room.

It was hard for Paul to carry the box in while walking forward, so Paul had to turn his back and walk backwards into the door frame.

"Excuse me, this thing's heav-" Paul exclaimed as he struggled.

"Wait, lemme take care of-"

The new Ron said in a soft deep voice as he rushed to Paul's aid, but before he managed to do so, Paul tripped.

"Hey!" Ron exclaimed and ran to catch Paul, only to fall too and both of them and the box on the floor, Paul lying on top of Ron.

"You okay, kid?" Ron asked, holding onto Paul.

"Sorry, sir." Paul replied.

Paul felt something on his back, growing hard. He heard Ron clear his throat, and so he looked up to see Paul, blushing.

"S-Sir, I can feel your..."

"S-Sorry!" Ron pushed Paul off his body and slid up to sit. "I-I..."

Paul sat down to face Ron. He can see Ron's huge cock straining against his gray shorts, just enough for Paul to get hard himself too. They stared at each other's cocks then to each other's eyes. Then in one quick movement, they were kissing.

Paul broke the kiss, shying away from his indirect confession. "F-Fuck. I'm sorry." He said. "That was very impulsive."

"It's alright." Ron said, still looking at Paul's eyes. He smiled and grabbed Paul's hand and guided it to his chest.

"S-Sir..." Paul's eyes widened.

"It's fine, Paul. I want this too."

Paul melted as Ron spoke in his deep sensual voice. It was a very reassuring but sexy baritone voice coming out from the mouth of this sexy hunk his friend had turned into

"Can I?" Ron motioned to move closer.

Paul nodded and welcomed Ron. Ron slided closer to Paul and started feeling his body s he kiss him on the neck. Paul shivered as Ron finds every pleasure spots in his body. Ron took Paul's shirt off and kissed his chest, coming to a nipple. All the effort of hiding how he liked his bestfriend broke down. It was just he and him enjoying the moment.

"A-Ah!" Paul moaned. "That feels so good."

"You like that?" Ron's eyes gleamed as he ask.

"Yes, sir." Paul nodded, putting both of his hands on Ron's face.

"Call me, Russel. Paul." He requested. "I'm not your teacher anymore"

Russel. That's Ron's name in this body of a hunk. So happened that he is his professor. Former, actually. Russel was doing a great job in making Paul feel good. Both of their cocks are basically stone hard and Paul had been wanting release even before they arrived to Russel's home. Russel pulled Paul's shorts off and marveled at the cock in front of his face.

"Wow, you have a big cock..." Russel said which made Paul chuckle.

"You think? Yours is even bigger." Paul stroked Russel's cock through his shorts and made him groan.

Russel took his shorts off too, finally letting Paul see this thick hairy cock. Paul grabbed on Russel's balls and played with it before stroking his cock again.

Russel moved closer to Paul's cock. "Can I...?" Russel asked.

"Please." Paul pulled Russel's head to his cock.

Russel went straight in, sucking Paul with all his might. The room once again was filled with mostly Paul's moans. His former childhood friend, now a hunky former professor is sucking his cock so eagerly. He's almost near and he's practically begging for release.

"Sir... Russel, I'm gonna."

"Not yet." Russel stood up and carried Paul onto the bed, sitting.

Paul expected that they'll fuck. He stared at Russel's thick hard cock and shivered at the thought of how painful can it be to have that in his ass.

"W-Wait. I can't take you. You're too big!" Paul pushed on Russel.

"Who said you're the one who's gonna be fucked? Russel grinned.

Paul's eyes once again widened as Russel climed onto his cock and sat on it. Without any hesitation, Russel pushed his ass down to Paul's cock.

"A...urgh!" Both of then groaning in pleasure

"You feel so good..." Russel whimpered.

"Y-You're so tight!" Paul moaned.

Russel groaned louder as Paul pushed and hat hit his prostate. "A-Ah! Sh..." Russel then moved, riding on Paul's cock.

It was too much to handle for Paul. The hunky professor is riding his cock. He's fucking a hunk. He then motioned to kiss Russel once more as they move. Paul holds onto Russel's cock as he strokes him. Paul lied down and Russel followed. He brought his feet onto he bed and started humping Russel himself.

"I-I'm close!" Russel exclaimed.

"Y-Yeah?" Paul smirked.

"Ah... Ah! I'm gonna cum!" Russel moaned hard.

"Cum for me, Russel!"

Soon, Russel came all his load onto Paul. Some hitting his face. Paul didn't stop thrusting his cock in Russel. He went faster and soon...

"I... I'm gonna cum too..." Paul said.

Russel moved and licked Paul's nipple, driving Paul insane.

"Y-Yeah! More! I'm gonna cum!"

Paul moaned and finally, he released into Russel's ass. They moved for one more kiss, and once they broke, they chuckled at each other.

Paul pulled out. Both panting and grasping for air.

"So..." Paul trailed off

"So...?" Russel followed

Paul paused or a moment. The power he got from the Necklace of Names was great. It seemed like he almost live in every fantasy he can think of, but then again, what about his friend Ron?

He looked at Russel. This was Russel, his former professor in this new reality. He may have been his friend a moment ago, but it was all Russel who made a move on him.

It was Ron who he liked, not the dumb horny jock, Ronnie, and most certainly despite being a fantasy-brought-to-life, not this hunky professor, Russel. Paul got lost in that thought. What could even happen if he revert Ron back?

"Uhm... Wanna take a shower with me?" Russel asked, bringing his hand to Paul.

"Yeah, sure."

---

They proceeded to the shower. Russel went in first, testing the temperature, then offering his hand to Paul to guide him in. Russel washed off the cum on of their bodies, then he opened up for a big warm bear hug.

Paul stuck his face in between Russel's chests, still thinking about earlier. Trying to muster up his courage, he asked.

"Do you like me?"

Russel cleared his throat. "Well... I hope it wouldn't be weird to tell you I like you since I am your professor, no? Well... Former."

"No, I meant..." Paul stopped for a moment, then looked up to Russel's eyes, trying all his best to look for Ron in this deep brown eyes. "Do you like me, Ron?"

Russel began to shrink back down. His muscles lessening and his age going back to 22. He's back to Ron, just the regular old Ron.

"I.... I like you, Paul. I really do." Ron's cheeks flushed red, still hugging his friend. "I mean... I always had this feelings for so long... I just didn't think..."

"I like you back?" Paul continued. "I also had this for a very long time too..."

They smiled.

"Ron." Paul called out once again. "I don't know how to phrase this properly, but..."

In his mind, he had kissed Russel, but that was not trully Ron, it was just right to ask one more time, right?

"Can I kiss you?" Paul reached up to Ron's cheeks.

Ron didn't hesitate. He smiled and brought Paul into his lips.

Yet another round for Paul, but it's real this time.

[ryoukio]

average day at Walmart…? I think?

[blerb-f1]

"Pick up" - Charles Leclerc x fem!german!reader Part 3

Charles and Y/N are in Monaco as an invitation arrives.

This is part three! Here is part one if you'd like to read it before. Here's my masterlist if you want to see more of my writing.

Warning: french! I haven't used my french in a long while so uh PSA. It's just two sentences.

“Why exactly are you on my Yacht, Y/N?”

Charles Leclerc stood at the front of his beautiful, beloved and very expensive Yacht docked in the equally beautiful, beloved and very expensive Monaco Harbor.With his Hands placed on his hips and his white, crisp ironed Dress Shirt making him look like the average yacht owner, his expression was clouded however. Y/N L/N, his german savior could be seen lounging on deck, dressed in swimwear and large sunglasses obscuring her eyes. 

“Because.” she overly punctuated her sentences quite often. “ I get to lay in the sun and stare at Monaco! And it’s free!”

Charles stared at her and sighed. “Could you be any less cheap than this?”

“I would call myself frugal”

“Frugal? You sure about that?”

“Very much.”

She was not just frugal, she was the pure embodiment of cheapness. If a person could be more unwilling to spend a single cent, it would be the people doing extreme couponing on TV, busy with holding up lines at Walmart for three hours.

The driver just decided to accept the situation, as Y/N had already pushed him through quite a lot of these shocks over a short time. Anymore and he’d be found to have a stomach ulcer the size of a soccer ball.  As he leaned back, taking in the sun, a sense of bliss and joy felt his stomach. F1 pushed him around the planet, therefore returning home was always the best.

Then, Y/N leaned forward, offering a glass. A thin flute with colorful liquid and one of those little sparkly umbrellas attached. 

“No alcohol! No Beer before four o’clock.”

“This isn’t beer, Y/N. And that didn’t even rhyme…”

“It does in German!”

Charles took the glass, drinking the colorful juice mixture with relief. Sweet liquid on dry throat. Perfection.

Y/N turned towards him again, beginning to speak. “Say, Charlie, when’s your next race? Need me to drive you back to Italy? Or the airport?”

Grumph. She never missed the opportunity to hit the sore spot called ‘losing his physical license’. 

“No, nothing. I’ve got time now. Nothing on the schedule for the next week or so. By then i’ll have a license again.”

Before he could finish speaking however, a disturbance was approaching. Charles Mother Pascale was approaching the boat in fast steps, her expression determined. she sprinted up the little plank, coming to a stop right before her son. Pascale dug around her Handbag, pulling out a crisp envelope which she handed over. 

The envelope was quickly opened, revealing a pretty looking card. 

Charles read out aloud. 

“Dear Mr. Charles Leclerc, you are hereby invited to a traditional ball hosted at the Prince’s Palace of Monaco along with a companion of choice.”

“-the fuck?”

Y/N audibly was confused. “A Ball? In this day and age? And in the Palace? Are you that important Charles?”

Charles Leclerc was too stunned to speak.

“Y/N, I-”

He took a deep, deeeeep breath in. His lungs filled to the brim with fresh air, willing to steady his thoughts. 

“Y/N, I am Monaco's first driver in so and so many years. I have won races. Obviously I matter.”

“Hm. I really should look at sports more. I only notice Soccer because drunk soccer fans are the worst train passengers.” She then got up, snatching the invitation from his hand and reading it over. “A ball. I wonder, does it feel magical or annoying?”

“I’ve been to one or two before - unless you got someone nice accompanying you it’s just polite chatter and more alcohol than you should drink.”

“So like every social event that has ever occurred?”

“Very much.” He nodded.

Then, a thought occurred to him. The letter expressly stated ‘a companion of choice’. Last year he had taken his girlfriend but they had long broken up by now. What was the right choice now? Ask a friend? Maybe his mom?

At that moment, Y/N leaned over, putting her sunglasses on his nose. 

“Take these or you’ll go blind with that paper flashing you. The sun’s dangerous, you know!”

The solution was right before his nose. He could take Y/N.

“Say Y/N - did you ever want to go to a Ball?”

“What?”

########

The next day, after a long sleep in Pascale’s guest room, Y/N found herself seated at the parlor in one of Monaco’s biggest and most luxurious clothing salons. 

The attendant was visibly judging Y/N up and down before stepping forward to take her measurements. 

“Since the event is this evening, we have to pick one that fits you quite well. We can complete minor alterations until then, but nothing big is possible.”

Y/N simply nodded as Pascale looked around the salon. She looked quite emotional at this situation. 

“Pascale, is everything alright?”

Pascale sniffed. “I never thought I could go dress shopping with a girl!”

“Huh?” 

“I have three sons, not a single daughter. And their girlfriends never wanted to spend time with me. Lorenzo’s last one didn’t want to visit Monaco, Arthur’s is very shy and Charles? Oh Charles, he changes them so often! I can hardly remember their names! I’m so glad to have you around, finally.” 

Oh. This was bad. Y/N had totally forgotten that Pascale believed her to be Charles Girlfriend.

The older woman took a look around the store again, looking at the different fabrics and the clerc fuzz around. Finally, Y/N was allowed to state her thoughts.

“I uh. I guess something not too outstanding. I don’t know most of these people and am just here for Charles.”

“Anything else?”

“No clue what suits me. I couldn't go to my graduation ball so I’ve never worn an evening gown.”

Pascale pulled a grim face. “You never got dressed up like that? You definitely missed out.”

The attendant added. “Then, since you are unsure, how about Miss Leclerc and I pick some dresses to try?”

“I’d like that”

The attendant took that Chance to show Pascale where the right sized dresses were placed. Like pigs searching for truffles, the two were busy digging around for the right scrap of tailored fabric.

15 Minutes later, Y/N stood on top of a little walkway, dressed in a frumpy gown.

“It’s uh…”

Her brain worked hard.

"Nice."

Pascale stared at her with her eyebrows lifted. “Are you sure? You look like a frosted cupcake.”

Y/N audibly sighed. “Trying on dresses is so tiring. I never even considered that. All that work and none of them have looked good.”

“Try the next one honey, I just know that you will like one of them.”

“You sure?”

Charles' mother gave her a reassuring smile. “Yes.”

The German woman disappeared behind the curtain, fabric rustling. She finally returned, her walk more confident and her head lifted up high. The dress was beautiful yet not too busy. A jet black fabric with a light shimmer, the straps folder over her arms. The skirt trailed apart with a light slight on the side. 

Y/N grinned at her advisor, visibly content.

Pascale beamed back at her. “Is this it?”

“This is it?”

“Then let’s go to my salon to get you ready.”

########

Pascale lead Y/N to her salon, turning on the lights as she prepared one of the stylist's tables. She washed Y/N’s hair, before giving it a trim. Then, she picked out hair pins and tied it into a pretty looking, tight updo with loose pieces framing her face. She placed gem decorated pins into her hair to help it stand out more. 

As she finished, a bicycle rang outside. Another older Lady entered the store, approaching Pascale while speaking french. 

“This is my Friend, Marietta. She will do her make-up. Since she speaks french only, any of your wishes need to go through me.”

“I got nothing to say.” Y/N said. “I’m still in a daze. She definitely knows better than me”.

After being shown a photo of the dress, Marietta got working. Brushes en masse passed over her face, applying layer after layer into a beautiful artwork.

Just as she finished, the tailor also approached, bringing the altered dress and a pair of heels along. The three present helped Y/N into the gown and shoes, leading her back to the Leclerc’s place.

Pascale stopped and looked at Y/N, taking in her appearance. 

“Something is missing”

She seemed to go deep inside her mind, thinking hard. Then, she quickly rushed off. Running from room to room, she finally came back carrying quite a few things.

First of all, she handed Y/N a pair of black, long gloves.

“Gloves, you know, always make an outfit better. They prevent you from touching bad things and make you look more mysterious.”

After that, she slipped a bracelet of pearls around her right arm. Matching earrings graced her ears, the necklace decorating her neck.

Finally, she stared at Y/N again. Her eyes are getting watery.

“Y/N.. You look beautiful.”

“Really?”

“Definitely, look”

She spun the surprised woman around, facing her own reflection in the mirror.

Y/N stared at herself in awe. She didn’t know this woman. Her tired skin was gone, along with the darkened eye bags. Her hair looked so great like this, her body looking as if made for the dress covering it.

“Is this…me?”

“That’s why we like dressing up, you know.” Pascale sniffed. “You realize how pretty you truly are.”

Having worked as a train attendant for so long, with ungrateful and rude people had made Y/N less willing to care for her appearance. She hadn’t dressed up or tried in such a long time, this truly was a special moment for her.

Then, the door opened. “Maman, je suis retourné! Est-ce tu finis de choisir une robe pour Y/N?”

Pascale called back. “Oui Charlie. Allez, Allez! Viens ici, regarde la!”

Charles opened the door,  carrying a bag with something. He looked good, all dressed up. Yet, as he caught her appearance he dropped his bag. 

“Y/N?” he asked in surprise.

Y/N gave him a spin. “Do I look that bad?”

Charles Leclerc was too stunned to speak. Again.

“You don’t look bad.” He shook his head. Seeing his moms angry expression, he quickly added. “You look breathtaking.”

Y/N stretched her hand towards his. “Then, shall we get going? I’m glad you picked me up. I would have been scared if you had me go somewhere on my own”

####################

Taglist:

Next part is the last one!

If you want to be tagged, let me know!

Translations:

"Maman, I'm back! Did you finish picking a dress for Y/N?"

"Yes i did. Hurry up, come look!"

############

@itsjustkhaos

@appl3-0rchard

@barcelonaloverf1life

@randomnessis-mine-me

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, 3x9, A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving, Part IV

I just realized the winter carnival episode is next and tbh I'm pretty stoked about that one.

Ugh, someone left Gilmores on my front porch. Fetch me my broom. Shoo! Shoo! At Thanksgiving number one, we find out Lane is spinning yet another tangled web of lies to ensnare Soggy Rygalski (my new pet name for him, don't ask). Mrs Kim thinks Soggy is actually in a Christian band that Lane discovered through church and not a sinful rock band. Mrs Kim serves Tofurky and I feel as if our little vegetarian diner rat would have enjoyed that.

Welcome back, Soggy.

Dang. When Rory sees how people like her mother and Luke and Mrs Kim treat their employees, it's no wonder she doesn't want to get a job! Bad dum tssssh. Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all night.

Why did I remember that scene as being a lot longer than it was? It lasted less than three minutes. Weird!

Onward, from Soggy to Sookie.

"According to the National Fire Protection Association: deep fryer fires cause an average of 5 deaths, 60 injuries and more than $15 million in property damage each year. Deep-frying turkeys has become increasingly popular, but the new tradition is a recipe for holiday tragedy."

Men, eh? One minute they're lying about turkey preparation and the next they're lying about having a vasectomy.

Rory looking gravely concerned or lost in thought as usual. Thinking deep thoughts about frying. Asked Sookie not once but twice "What do you use the oil for"?

Granny creakily rising from her lawn chair to join the hordes of Jackson's screaming white trash relatives has to be one of my favorite bits in this episode (maybe the season?) so far.

Gather round, white trash young and old. Your king has arrived.

THE FACES!

This whole scene is top notch. I tip my hat to you, Miss AmyShermanPalladino. After departing the white trash jubilee, it's time to circle back to Lukes. I know small business owners are hard working people who don't always have the luxury of shutting down and taking a break, but do you think he ever closes the diner? For anything? Christmas Day? Yeah, I'm sure ya'll can name a few times on the show where he closes up shop (would actually be interested to hear what they were). It wouldn't matter. He'd try to close on Christmas Day and the Gilmores would show up anyway and demand to be served instead of drinking eggnog in their own home. For Christmas, Lorelai should buy Luke a massage. (A LEGITIMATE MASSAGE. You filthy readers).

Mommy Daddy please stop fighting

*smashes Jess and Rory together like I'm 9 years old forcing two Barbie dolls to make out*

Alarming to see Lorelai treat Jess this nicely because I worry she may be ill. Or possibly delirious from hunger (she didn't eat at Sookie's or Lane's, she threw out Mrs Kim's tofurky and just gawked at Sookie's house). It looks like Luke was nice enough to give Jess the day off, but Walmart (and its Hunger Games-style Black Friday festivities) may still be calling. Is this the first real, hot, home made, lovingly prepared holiday meal anyone had ever served him in his entire life? (I'll give partial credit to The Bracebridge Dinner). No street wieners for Jess Mariano this Thanksgiving! Jess says he's starving, but Luke told him not to eat until the Gilmores arrived first. That's some grade a bullshit.

All he wants this Thanksgiving is for his fellow white people to Check Their Privilege. Good luck with that, Lucas.

Serving lewks. Luke has just served the table four heaping plates of hot food and upon hearing that the Gilmores will be trotting off to the McMansion next, presumably to eat way fancier, he says they can just throw everything the fuck out and drink soda if they want. Kay... Jess: Please, Uncle Lucas, don't take away my hot meal. I'm ever so hungry.

A screen shot of Milo eating makes a great gift or any holiday or special occasion.

How DARE you Lucas. You are not going to make my poor tired boy serve coffee to the Gilmores on Thanksgiving Day! Lorelai's your ball and chain, you do it.

Yeah, what a pity that not everyone can kiss like Dean.

"You and Jess are a couple of chickens pecking each other." Yooo, it's about time you pick a lane, Lorelai. You're confusing the poor girl. The last time an adult got wind that Jess and Rory were about to peck like chickens The Incredible HulkLuke smashed down the door and put those two chickens out to pasture. Rory: Mind your own business. Lorelai:???????? I assure you she does not know the meaning of the phrase. R: I'm not good with public displays. L: You didn't have that problem with Dean Me: Trying fruitlessly to remember any scene where Dean and Rory passionately made out in public or showed any sort of affection with each other anywhere that Lorelai could see it R: I don't know how this first second boyfriend thing is supposed to go. L: Well he's your first second boyfriend so give it time. R: The whole town got used to me with Dean. L: It'll get easier, you'll have hundreds of men. Well maybe not hundreds. A couple. Three more. Dean again, Logan, then Logan again. L:They'll adjust to seeing with you Jess! R: What do I do about Dean? L: Well he'll move on too. All this sensible advice coming from Lorelai? It is truly the Thanksgiving of Miracles.

God bless you, Babette. God bless you.

The next scene, a Friday (Thursday) Night Gilmores Showdown at the McMansion goes on for around 8 minutes which is going to feel like more than an hour in Salty Time. I'm going to wilt.

[rosie-kairi]

Surprise! This is what that poll from the other day was leading up to: A whole batch of Modern/Zombie Apocalypse au designs for the Dark Road crew!

Design Notes under the cut:

Realistically they'd all probably have 100% more bloodstains covering their clothes but I didn't wanna throw that in so use your imagination ig

Bragi was easily the hardest to make a design for due to the fact that he's already pretty "modern" looking in comparison to the rest of the cast, Baldr was the easiest because I just slightly modified an old Quadratum design I had made for him.

Xehanort has a wrist brace on his left arm, mostly because I thought it would be a fun translation of his lil wristbands.

Eraqus's eye was seriously injured during an encounter with a zombie.

Hermod lost his left leg during the apocalypse, though I haven't come up with what would've caused him to loose it. He uses Underarm crutches instead of forearm crutches or a prosthetic because those were more easily accessable (they robbed a walmart)(he has two crutches, I just omitted one for the sake of better viewing)

They all have certain "roles" they fufill in the average Zombie Apocalypse team. Xehanort and Urd are the fighters, Bragi's the team medic, Vor's the mechanic, etc. Hermod, Eraqus, and Baldr are yet to have specific roles assigned to them.

Xehanort fights using his baseball bat, and Urd uses her skateboard as a weapon. They've also been known to switch things up by using crowbars, lead pipes torn out of walls, stop signs, and many other makeshift weapons.

Vor once highjacked a tourbus and that's their camp/safe spot.

I gave them all a bunch of bandages because it looked cool. Xehanort (and Bragi) have so many on their arms because they'd both need protection for their bare arms. Everyone else has them for normal injuries.

The ages don't really mean much, I just wanted to make it obvious they're all like highschool age here.

Bragi's Jordans are completely fake.

[storiesbyrhi]

Witch!Reader x Bat/Vampire!Eddie Munson Series Masterlist The Grimoire The Timeline

Warnings: canon typical violence, horror genre typical violence/some infrequent gore, swearing, animal death, no beta, death in childbirth (mentioned, not described), abusive parents, suicide, warnings updated each chapter.

Synopsis: No witch has stepped foot in Hawkins since 1845, but when Vecna opens the ground and poisons the town, a voice begins to call to you. Have you been brought back to this cursed place to heal the townspeople’s wounds, to save a hexed bat that always finds its way to you, or to redefine your history with a reunion 150 years in the making?

Chapter Summary: Before death. 3170 words.

1986

Led Zeppelin.

Talking Heads.

Public Enemy.

The Grateful Dead.

Brian Eno.

The Clash.

Metallica.

New Order.

N.W.A.

The Cure.

Tori Amos.

Black Sabbath.

Cat Stevens.

Patti Smith.

Fleetwood Mac.

There were a lot of cassettes in your car. Eddie looked through them with interest. Some were store bought, their original sleeves intact, and some were mix tapes you’d made yourself.

“This is the more modern stuff. It’s easy to fall behind when you live so many lifetimes. So, I try to update what I’m listening to every decade. This is mostly 1970s and 80s,” you told him.

“Where shall we begin?”

“With hair like yours… Metallica?”

Key turned in the ignition, you ran the car and pushed the cassette into the player. Fight Fire with Fire began, the first few bars melodic and calm. Then, it kicked in. Eddie flinched at the noise, surprised but not alarmed.

He leaned forward, like he was trying to decode something hidden deep within the music. Slowly, a wide grin crept across his face. He snapped to face you. “What is this?” he demanded in pure delight.

“This is music,” you replied with a casual shrug. “Specifically, this type is called metal,”

“I like it.”

Eddie looked like he was going to cry when For Whom the Bells Tolls played. Like the guitar riff and gothic sound effects were going to heal the undead body he lived in. Fade to Black made the vampire melt into his seat. He laughed then held a hand out to you. You took it, letting him thread his fingers through yours.

“I do not know what happened to me. But if it was the only path I could have taken to being here in this… car… with you and this music, then I am glad I took it,” Eddie said, closing his eyes before you could respond with expression or word.

You watched him for a moment. Something about him like this – relaxed, weird, beautiful – made you want to squeeze him. Dig your nails in. Bite to test for firmness. It was muscle memory, you realised. Your mind didn’t know Eddie, didn’t remember him, but your body acted as though she’d been by his side forever. It was too easy.

“Since we’re already in the car, should we go get you some more appropriate clothes? Maybe some other supplies too?”

One of the large neighbouring towns had a Walmart that had just been built, and it boasted 24/7 opening hours.

Eddie opened his eyes and cocked his head. “Little witch, are you attempting to court me?”

You laughed. “Are you asking me if I’m asking you on a date?”

“A date,” Eddie repeated. He was a quick study. “Little witch, are you asking me on a date?”

He expected you to blush or groan with denial. The anticipation of your reaction was written all over his face. You’d not play into his trap so easily. Instead, you shrugged and casually replied, “What if I am?”

Eddie couldn’t control his face entirely; his eyebrows shot up and he smiled. “Then ask,”

“Eddie the unhexed, my mortal enemy, will you accompany me on a date to Walmart?”

…

1587

At the age of twenty, Edward felt old. Although he had only graduated from his teenage years days earlier, as he stood on The Lion’s deck face to face with the Atlantic Ocean, he was weary.

His mother had died in childbirth, which was not uncommon. The world hadn’t begun to record statistics on such occurrences, but all things averaged, eighteen of every hundred women would perish before the birth day of their baby was done. Likely, it was much more.

Edward’s father looked at him like he was the murder weapon of his wife, life-taking and constantly reflecting a bloody image back at him. He treated his son worse. Not as a loaded pistol or sharpened axe, but as a contagion. The plague or measles. Typhoid or smallpox. Something that elicited disgust, a disease to rid himself of at the very first chance.

Edward was sold to a farmer at age seven, destined to a life of hard labour and loneliness.

However, Edward was a fighter. He fought the conditions of his gory birth. The miserable childhood. And the farmer’s distrust of him around his daughter, Lizzy.

He didn’t have eyes for Lizzy. He kept his head down, tended to the animals, worked the land, and waited to be released from his workman’s contract. For eleven years, the farmer underfed Edward. He staved off malnutrition through the kindness of the farmer’s wife, the only person the farmer treated worse than Edward.

He was beaten and broken in, the subject of the farmer’s displaced rage at not fathering any sons of his own.

On the morning of his eighteenth birthday, Edward stood at his post expectedly. The contract was done. He had earned his freedom. Perhaps there would be an offer of legitimate farm work, which Edward would decline regardless. Perhaps a parting gift of a letter of recommendation. Perhaps simply a nod of acknowledgment. But nothing came.

He knew better than to go inside the family house, but by mid-morning, Edward couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong. Slowly, quietly, he crept in. Lizzy had grown up and left the farm, but there still should have been the noise of the wife.

The quiet was worse in some rooms than others. Edward followed the silence to the study.

The farmer was sitting in the corner of the room, curled up as if he weren’t the God-fearing iron-fisted master of the house. His rifle was held under his chin, ready for suicide.

The wife was sprawled out on the floor, eyes open and fixed on the ceiling, bleeding from somewhere Edward could not immediately see.

“Is she dead?” the farmer asked.

 Edward didn’t move.

“This is your fault, boy… Look what you made me do.”

It didn’t matter that it wasn’t Edward’s fault. A second dead mother would haunt him.

The gun went off, Edward flinched, half expecting to feel the bullet pierce through his body. His eyes were screwed shut and he was terrified to open them. He stood in the void of unknown for an entire minute. He counted the seconds in his head, one… two…, while he tried to imagine how he could have been the catalyst for the violence.

The sight of the farmer, face torn off and entirely limp, was seared onto the lens’ of Edward’s eyes forever.

On the desk was the contract signed when he was seven. His father’s signature had faded, the sign of cheap ink. Other documents were strewn around, including some that indicated to Edward that it was a possibility the farmer had no intention of honouring the contract’s end.

Among the papers, Edward found the key to the safe that was hidden beneath the staircase. Inside was what he considered to be a small fortune, but to the farmer it was pocket money. Edward took the cash, knowing he was incriminating himself, and returned to his post. He slung his one bag over his shoulder, took a horse, and never returned.

For days, weeks, and months after, Edward sat on the cusp of calm, always expecting to be hunted down and hung for a double murder. After a year, he slipped from the cusp and into a sense of normalcy.  

Edward found work in Plymouth, the port city home to enough taverns and underground establishments that he could choose between the kitchens or the brawling rings. He could butcher a pig as easily as he could take a punch. Ultimately, he earned the most when he picked up the lute and made music.

Despite landing on his feet, Edward lived in solitude, afraid that any woman he loved would meet an early death, and any man he trusted would turn on him for no reason. He went by the name Wayne, simultaneously distancing himself from his past while tying himself to it. Edward had only met his Uncle Wayne once. He had come for him when he was four, claiming that he could care better for his sister’s son than Edward’s father ever could.

When Edward was free from the farm, he considered trying to find Uncle Wayne. His father has ensured he knew nothing of the man though. He wouldn’t have known where to begin. Taking his name was all he could do.

For two years, Edward eavesdropped on the comings and goings of sailors, pirates, and kingsmen. In June of 1586, he heard of the return of ships from somewhere over the sea. They had run out of provisions. The attempt to colonise had been a failure. Next year. That’s what he had heard. Next year, they’d try again.

Edward felt, for the first time in his entire life, that he knew where he should go. The Lion’s manifest read Wayne Munson, birth 1567, and set sale on May 8 1587 with Governor White at the helm.

Sea travel was horrific. Edward was violently ill with motion sickness, his skin itched as the salt water dried on him, and he spent more time picking splinters out from under his nails than doing almost anything else. When, after two and a half months at sea, The Lion dropped anchor on the east coast of what would be come to known as North America, Edward could have kissed the earth. However, he was trying to maintain a low profile.

That is exactly how he came to learn that the violence he had been running from was an unstoppable force. In all his hope, Edward had underestimated the British’s capacity for it. When weapons were thrust into his hands at the turning of a war against the Native people of the land, Edward swallowed the stomach bile that had burst its way up into his mouth.

His mother’s death weighed heavily on him. The farmer’s wife too. Edward wasn’t a passivist, he had earned coin by beating men bloody, but he was not a killer. Certainly, he would not unjustly kill.

He thought maybe he could lie to the kingsmen, weave a story of priesthood. Here, in this new place, he would bring the holy word of God. A task the Queen herself would find more than noble. A task that could not begin with red on his ledger.

Alas, a colony of only a hundred would rely on each other. He had not the economic or social currency to show weakness. So, he fought.

Edward volunteered for any role that would take him out of the offensive lines. He went on reconnaissance trips and kept watch as others slept. He learned how to offer the most basic of medical aid, and how to sneak away from action without being missed.

It was on one of these secret trips that Edward came across a Native American who looked equally as surprised to see him. Edward had wandered off into the woodland that surrounded the colony, his weapon slung lazily over his shoulder, and his attention on the strange mushrooms growing along the forest floor.

The two men saw each other at the same time and froze in almost mirror positions.

Edward watched the man’s eyes flick to the weapon, then back to his face. He could tell he was reading him. Assessing what kind of White man Edward was. Slowly, Edward opened his hands and held them up, palms showing in a sign of submission.

“Peace,” Edward said softly.

The man took a step forward, a steely expression held firm. Edward tried not to flinch, instead offering a nod. The man came closer and closer until he could really see him. Neither of them wanted to cause the other harm. Edward knew that his individual intentions were irrelevant. He was part of a brutal regime.

In the distance, a gunshot echoed, startling both men. They ran in opposite directions, like two same-sided magnets repelling apart.

Edward told nobody of the encounter.

Just over a month later, the colonists were in a tense sort of truce with the Native Americans, but their resources were diminishing faster than they could be regenerated. They moved up the coast while the British fleet prepared to leave for England.

“If this is to be a true settlement, not a failure like Lane’s, we need provisions,” Edward listened to one of the colonists beg Governor White. It was a town meeting of sorts. “Return home. Tell them it was a mistake to come without a proper show of force. We need help.”

The fleet disappeared over the horizon near the end of August.

Within days, the knocking began.

Knock, knock.

When the sun set, a low mist would bleed out from the woodland. It came over the ocean, crossing the beach to get to the colony. Somewhere deep within it, something knocked twice, as if at a door asking for entry. They knocked on the hour, every hour until sunrise.

Knock, knock.

At first, the colony responded with a British stiff upper lip. They ignored it. They swallowed their fear. Then, when the cause for concern couldn’t be contained, they blamed the Native Americans. Except, it wasn’t how the Native Americans operated, and they hadn’t seen anyone but their own since the ships left.

Paranoia and dread set in. Superstition followed.

“What ungodly force has come for us?”

“Could it be the witches? They’re all over this land, you know!”

Edward listened to the unraveling of the people around him, but never offered his own theories or fears. Instead, one night, when the mist came in and the colony locked itself away, Edward found higher ground and watched. The mist was alive. There was simply no other conclusion to draw. It moved too quickly and appeared to have no relationship with the weather. It had a purpose. It licked around the settlement like it was hunting for something. Someone. Anyone.

Knock, knock.

Come morning, the colony’s livestock were slaughtered. Edward had stayed up all night, but he hadn’t seen it happen.  There had been no devils in the mist.

Knock, knock.

The children cried and the women kept themselves busy with work. The men burned the animals’ bodies, too afraid to eat any of the meat.

Knock, knock.

The next night, Edward took his perch again. And the next. And the next. Until, a week later, they came from the darkness.

He knew that they wanted to be seen. They knocked on doors, rapped knuckles on axes left in stumps. They knocked on trees and rocks, riding the fog in.

Edward saw them and there was nothing to be done about that. He saw their human forms wear human clothes but make inhuman movements. He saw them dancing, dragging animal carcasses behind them like royal capes. He saw them, and they saw him.

The colony was ripped apart. Men, women, and children all treated with equal brutality. Edward stayed positioned in his higher ground perch, witnessing evil while he held his breath and tried not to scream. Bodies limp like rag dolls. Blood drip drip dripping into buckets when neighbours were hung from trees. Horror. Carnage. Damnation.

It almost felt like mercy, Edward thought, the moment the warmth bloomed across his neck and down his chest. He stumbled as he stood from his hiding spot. The vampire was watching him curiously. Edward held a useless hand over the bite. It was mercy that he hadn’t seen the monster coming. He hadn’t felt the pain of the injury. He could just die, easily, simply, finally.

The vampire’s face broke out into a gleeful smile, its teeth off-white and sharp.

“Filius,” it hissed. Son.

The vampires had come for misery, mostly, but they had been watching the colony. They had watched the violence leveled at the Native Americans. They picked out their favourites, like children at a petting zoo. Favourites would be turned.

Edward had never been anyone’s favourite anything, until then.

When he dropped to his knees, the vampire was crouching before him. It reached out and patted Edward, watching his skin’s colour fade. Then, it pushed him onto the ground, leering over him.

Edward could feel himself dying. It was a strange sort of fading, unlike falling asleep, and nothing like he’d have expected. His senses were somehow still sharp. The sounds of the colony being bled and burnt. The smell of death and fire. He could see it all then, when the vampire bit down hard on its own wrist, tearing a gaping wound.

“Pótó,” it said to him.

Edward didn’t understand Latin, but he knew what it was saying. Drink. He held his lips together tightly. He would not follow at the heels of a monster. Whatever it wanted with him, he would not abide.

At first, Edward’s resistance amused the vampire. It let its blood drip and dribble onto his face. It grew bored quickly, clutching Edward’s head in its hands, its nails digging in, ready to pry his jaw open.

It was a blur. A weapon. Not enough to kill a vampire, but enough to send it tumbling away from Edward’s body. He felt strong arms wrap under him, pulling him up. Someone was dragging him away, yelling in a language he didn’t understand. There was fire, arrows dipped in it. Then, there was blackness.

Edward dreamed one last time.

The mist, it had still set itself upon the colony, but it wasn’t vampires. It was the witches. They looked like his mother and the farmer’s wife. Like the girl who could carry more pints at once than anyone else in the bar. Like the kid who lived on the streets that Edward would spare more money for than he could really afford.

The witches came with spells to heal and potions that tasted like warm honey, and reminded him of something he couldn’t place. They told stories to the children and baked enchanted bread with the women. For the men, there was nothing, but they watched from the sidelines with humility.

When Edward woke, the magic was gone.

He roared in pain, shooting up and panicking when his body was entirely out of his control, raging in agony, thrashing. Hands held him down, a voice doing its best to soothe him. It wasn’t enough.

Edward’s body felt hollow, like all his organs had shrivelled up, the blood lost through the septic wound in his neck. And, like any bones left inside him had shrunk too, turned brittle and too small to let him move as he wished. His flesh burned as if he’d been roasted on a spit. Everything was pain. There was nothing else.

It took only minutes for Edward to collapse again. He was vaguely aware of his own consciousness. Vaguely able to tell he was in some sort of cave or tree hollow. Something naturally formed and sheltered. Vaguely aware of a face he recognised hovering above him. As hands tried to stop the bleeding, Edward’s eyes closed.

End Note: For the anon that suggested it - 1986 Eddie listening to metal for the first time.

A huge thank you to @jo-harrington, who models exactly what it means to be a thoughtful writer. You help me navigate the writing world.

So... Did you ever think you'd get an Eddie origin story?

Fic Taglist:  @paranoidmunson  @idkidknemore @paprikaquinn @stardustworlds @loz-brooke @wyverntatty @vintagehellfire @dark-academia-slut @scarletwitchwhore @becks1002 @mrsdollardog @heyndrix @luceneraium @rosaline-black @devilinthepalemoonlite @goldencherriess @iamwhisperingstars @wiltedwonderland @blueywrites @breezybeesposts @jadehowlettthewolf @spikesvamp79 @foreveranexpatsposts @tortoiseshellspells @wingedpeachjudgegiant @stardustmunson @live-love-be-unique @fangirling-4-ever @reanimated-alice @b-irock @gh0stlybunnie @myown-worstenemy-2003 @woozzz @cyberxlust @hiscrimsonangel @buckysbarne @m00nlight101 @word-wytch @spicysix @briasnow-blog @goth-cowgirl-03

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[lovecraftian-lolita]

Where to Start as a Plus Size Lolita (Part 6)

Budgeting and Saving for Lolita Fashion

If you’ve scrolled for a little bit, you’ve probably noticed how expensive some pieces can get, especially brand! That’s because many of these pieces are high quality and will last an extremely long time if taken care of right. From the print to the construction, there’s a lot of love and care put into the pieces. That’s why lolita is considered a slow fashion rather than a fast fashion (pieces pumped out by factory of lower quality). This means pieces, even second hand, will be more on the expensive side. This guide will help you understand the average prices of (new + brand) pieces and give you tips on how to save so you can build your wardrobe smartly!

Note: prices will be in Yen (¥) and USD ($) and tend to fluctuate due to the invisible force called the economy! Prices are subject to change but the general idea will be the same!

(This will be a long one.)

୨୧ Buying Smartly ୨୧

Buy pieces you really really love

- Keep a list of your favorite pieces! Don’t just buy something you only kinda like. This will keep you from buying pieces impulsively. If you don’t know if you absolutely love a piece, sleep on it! When you see it again, will you feel the same?

Buy coherent pieces for a coherent wardrobe

- Like the last point, keeping a coherent list somewhere like Pinterest or a notes app or a wardrobe app to keep track of the pieces you want/need. Neutral colors like white and black are your best friends and go with anything!!! You do not need brand tights/socks and can easily get plain colored ones from Walmart, target, Amazon, or any grocery store/clothing store near you at a very cheap price for good quality.

Capsule Wardrobes save money

- Especially if you are just starting out, make a capsule wardrobe! This will include versatile items in matching colors in pieces like JSKs or skirts, neutral colored blouses and socks/tights, a petticoat (you only really need the one), a head piece or two, and shoes. You will be able to mix and match and get the absolute most out of your wardrobe!

Second hand is ok!

- Second hand can sometimes be a cheaper option! Stains, missing buttons, wrinkles, and other small defects can be an opportunity to find an item for cheap and put in a little elbow grease in exchange for saving some money.

Stick with one style

- If you are just starting out, sticking with one sub genre and even color palette will help save money. Whether it’s pastels, muted colors, or plain black, this will help you have an easier time coordinating and deciding which pieces to spend money on.

A note:

Please pay off any debts or outstanding charges before you start buying lolita. Your necessities will always come first. Lolita is a luxury fashion, you do not need it to survive.

୨୧ Saving money ୨୧

If you are a Minor (and/or do not have a job):…

You probably do not have a steady source of income, and that’s ok. Understand that it will take a bit longer to acquire pieces until you get a job or a steady source of income. Please do not resort to buying knock offs, it is disrespectful and it’s art theft, and we do not like art thieves. There are cheaper options other than Brand™️ like indie, Taobao, and second hand! (Yes, even if you’re plus sized!) Buying lolita fashion takes time. People have spent YEARS building their wardrobes and waiting patiently for the right pieces, you are doing just fine.

Save up and set aside any money that comes your way. Whether that be birthday money, coins you save in a jar to take to the bank for cash, or maybe the lucky days you find some on the ground or in your pocket. Your savings will start off small but that’s ok!

Keep what money you have in a safe place to avoid spending on something impulsively.

To keep you from spending what little lolita savings you have, try organizing a cash envelope (this applies to anyone obviously) or binder. They’re very helpful for organizing your savings into different categories and keeps you from spending what you’re trying to save. If you are the type to not use cash when spending money, this will be a perfect way to keep you from dipping into your lolita fund.

Putting in 10-30$ of cash in every couple of weeks or whenever you get gift money adds up and adds up A LOT.

If you are an adult (and/or have a job + steady source of income):…

Then you’ll be able to save quicker and will be able to probably acquire pieces quicker. My previous advice about a cash binder/envelope still 100% applies, but instead take a portion of each paycheck where you know you won’t be in any financial trouble and set that aside. Honestly, even with minimum wage you’ll have enough for a decent coord second hand/indie in a few months!

Also, the bank you use may have a savings account program in place. For example… my bank will take a selected portion of my paycheck and put it in a separate savings account. Then I use that to pay for my pieces.

Now, obviously everyone’s job is different and pay is different too. Please make sure you are setting enough money aside for necessities and emergencies + paying off debts before you indulge in this luxury hobby.

One last thing…

Please please PLEASE set aside money for shipping. If you are buying overseas, shipping is EXTREMELY expensive regardless of the country you’re buying from. Setting aside an extra 40-80$ will save you pain in the long run. Also if you are buying overseas, try to buy in bulk on ONE website to save on shipping all around. (Ex. Taobao/JP auction proxies).

Don’t be like me and spend 45$ shipping on a 30$ worth of Taobao accessories…

୨୧ Average Prices ୨୧

If you want to buy brand, lucky for you, pieces tend to stay around the same price! With some slight increase in recent years due to inflation and yen prices dropping, pieces tend to stay around the same price (when buying new!).

Angelic Pretty and Baby the Stars Shine Bright have similar prices. I’ll be separating and averaging out how much each piece in your coordinate will cost if you buy it brand new. (AS OF 2023)

Note/Advice:

1. Don’t buy petticoats from brand, it’s just not worth it. I will not be including them in the price run down. But please do save ~20-60$ for a petticoat.

2. You do not have to buy only brand. In fact, I encourage you to buy from other places as well. However, the prices vary so much it’ll be hard to give an accurate average, so please go through my previous guides and do research on brands featured.

Angelic Pretty ୨୧ Baby the Stars Shine Bright average Prices

Blouses -> ¥20,000 - $140

Main Pieces

- JSK -> ¥38,800 - $270

- SK -> ¥28,600 - $200

- OP -> ¥47,000 - $330

Legwear

- Socks -> ¥3,300 - $25

- Tights -> ¥3,800 - $27

- Shoes -> ¥17,500 - $125

Outer Wear

- Cardigans -> ¥18,400 - $130

- Coats -> ¥50,000 - $350

Accessories

- Headwear -> ¥5,500 - $40

- Rings -> ¥3,800 - $26

- Necklaces -> ¥6,000 - $40

- Parasol -> ¥ 6,500 - $45

Hopefully this helps you understand how much you will be needing save up and how much time it will take for you to build up your wardrobe. Second hand of course, is always an option but this gives you an idea of the value these dresses hold when brand new.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

"Then you should understand people choosing the bear"

I'm a sexual assault survivor. When I was 15, a 55-year-old woman assaulted me and three of my friends at a party where she served a bunch of 15-year-olds alcohol. Way to go Granny.

And I don't hate women. I've stepped in to defend women against attacks from men in city streets or bars. I can't say if they're all sexually related or sexually motivated - they probably were.

But when we get to the question of this, I mean, like I do empathize for victims. I get that.

But the question isn't real. And we all know the question isn't real. It's hypothetical.

I was just at a store. There are hundreds or thousands of people at this Walmart, men and women walking around, doing their thing minding their own business. Not a single woman in there was shifty eyed, dysphoric or afraid of any of the men in that store.

I was just at a restaurant. I was at a bank. I was at a coffee shop. I was walking through a park. No one was afraid of men.

Replace any of those men with one bear and see what happens.

So, because we know it's hypothetical, let's have an adult conversation. Ready?

The existence of the question at all creates bias against men. I can trick you just the same way. I'd say, what do you think more Islamic men use to murder their wives with, guns or knives or rope?

The fact that I asked the question, you go, well why is he asking that question? Do they murder their wives a lot?

The queston is: safety, bear, man, alone. Right, those are the four real words in that question. It is embedding a bias against men. Every woman that has answered that question "bear" has stepped out in public since, has interracted with hundreds of men. The average woman will interact with 300 men per day.

Maybe they'd opted for the bear just cause they wanna mix it up. They're like, I'm getting so bored with the thousands of men that I see every week that maybe I just wanna see a bear.

I don't think you understand the gravity of this question. As a abuse survivor, I'm standing up against a false claim against the nature of men, where one in a thousand men - or maybe just a hair over one in one thousand men - will commit a crime of this nature. It's a very thin number of men.

And as a man whose family was responsible for starting World War I - you know, the assassination by the Black Hand, the Archduke Franz Ferdinand, my family paid for that assassination. We started World War I, which is why World War II happened. Because I'm so closely tied to that genocide, I've studied it.

And, Hitler and the Germans use the same type of questionings and comparative logic to wage war against Jews. I am literally trying to stop thousands of women who don't know any better but than to participate in a trend from creating this wave of propaganda against men.

Someone is trying to use this question against men, and women think it's a cool, dramatic way to say, "I'm afraid of men." But they're really actually not afraid of men. Cause they wouldn't go outside. They wouldn't go shopping. They wouldn't walk through the park. They wouldn't do anything. They'd be so actually mortified of men.

The question appeals to a logical fallacy called the Fallacy of Relative Privation. They're trying to say that because a single man could do more harm than a single bear, that all men are more dangerous than all bears on average. Regardless of the context of the interaction. That strips away all sense of goodwill or truth to the fact that women interact with 300 men per day on average. That strips away the truth that a woman, per male exposure, if you walk down the sidewalk and you see a guy, you have a 1 in 35 million chance of being forcibly [g]raped in that walk by on the sidewalk.

That Fallacy of Relative Privation strips all logic to the fact that men are, by and large, safe. But yeah, 81% of women will report being sexually harassed or assaulted. 43% of men just the same.

The number of people who will experience unwanted sexual contact, men and women, are roughly the same[**]. Men will underreport at three times the rate of women. Men are victimized just as much, but we're stigmatized against talking about it.

Both sides are victims, but men are not doing this campaign to smear women to try to damage the entire, like, gender of women.

Except for me, now. I'm doing what's called logical parallels. My whole argument for the last two weeks has been such: since women assault children, their children, their biological kids at 2.5 times the rate that all men assault women sexually, then women should lose custody of their kids until they stop it. Because, the phrase going around online right now is all men until no men. So, until no women, all women. Women do not deserve custody of their biological kids if any of them are capable of harming a child. Because children are innocent and honestly, all parallels aside, it's the abuse of children that is propagating people who are becoming monsters later on in life.

So, if anyone could make a decision right now to make the world a better place in the next 15 years, it's women not abusing their kids. It's already too late for us as adults. We're already screwed. We all have our trauma that we have to work through, and that's gonna be a dog fight. But if we wanna guarantee the world's gonna be a better place, let's stop abusing kids.

So, the reason why women are choosing the bears is cause it's not a real question and they won't have consequences if they answer in a dramatic way for effect.

Just like the 30-something percent of boys are like, well, dude, if like, there's no consequences, I'd totally take advantage of a chick. See, yeah, maybe people are bad people by nature, but people still obey the law. And that's why if 32% of college men would commit SA if there's no consequences, but then only one out of every thousand men will commit that crime, that shows how much people have discipline over their nature.

And you cannot say the same thing about a bear.

==

** The following numbers are taken from the CDC National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS) from 2010, 2011, 2012 and 2016/2017.

--

P.S. I'll just leave this here.

[audhdnight]

Btw, if a disabled or mentally ill person (or honestly just anyone who’s really burnt out and exhausted with life, such as caregivers) tells you that they have to use disposables to clean and function in their day to day life, and your response is anything remotely like “well you’re a horrible person because that plastic you just used is killing the planet” I need you to know that you are ableist, classist, and just a shitty person, and I hate you.

Yes, I know that using paper towels and Clorox wipes is not as sustainable or healthy for the ecosystem as just using regular towels and rags. However, I am fucking exhausted all the time, and if I use regular rags, I will not have the energy to clean them. They will sit in my kitchen and get moldy and have to be thrown away anyway. And then my family is living in unsafe conditions because we’re breathing mold spores.

Additionally, we are fucking poor. We don’t have a washer and dryer. If I want to do laundry I have to load it all up in my car, drive across town to the only laundromat, spend most of my day switching things over and waiting for machines to open up, spend about thirty bucks (probably more, because the dryers are shit and never actually dry things on the first cycle), load everything back into the car, drive back home, and then sort and fold and put away everything I just washed.

That is not feasible most of the time, because I am disabled, I don’t have that money to spend, and I am the primary caregiver for our baby who has extreme sensitivities to changes in our routine. I can’t just take him to the laundromat with me, and I don’t have anyone to watch him while I go. Most days I’m not physically capable of carrying baskets of laundry to and from my vehicle. And again, we can not afford the laundromat. Anything that I can do to reduce the amount of laundry we need to wash in a month, I’m going to do.

All of this to say, please for the love of god consider that there are literally thousands of reasons someone might not be doing “clean living” or choosing the most eco-friendly option all the time. We can’t all cut out disposables. I already feel guilty enough that I can’t just function like a normal person, you do not need to butt in and make it worse.

If your activism for the environment and the earth goes so far as to make you apathetic to the struggles and needs of the real actual people around you, you need to reconsider where your morals lie.

(It’s also worth noting that every regular person on the planet together does not generate ANYWHERE NEAR the amount of plastic and toxic waste in a year that mega corporations do in a matter of weeks or months. I’m not saying that the average man doesn’t need to make as many good and healthy choices as they are able, but seriously, most of us are not the real issue here. Go fight the logging and fracking companies killing the ecosystem. Go attack the capitalist mega-corps like Walmart and Amazon and Disney and Apple that discard so much plastic they are almost single-handedly killing the oceans themselves.)

[lost-walmartbag]

Kenny X Reader pt 8

Warning: swearing

Background: You get confirmation on whether Kenny cheated on you or not.

Status: Completed

Previous part

Peace

You've been getting better since the accident. Of course, most of it is due to Kenny taking care of you 24/7. Even though only your arm was broken and in a cast, Kenny tried talking you into letting him push you around in a shopping cart he stole from Walmart but you shot it down. So when you got back to school he had to settle for holding your things all the time. He even tried feeding you but again you shot it down.

You walk into school seeing Kenny at your locker taking your books out. You walk over and he immediately turned to you smiling brightly.

"How'd you get into my locker? I never gave you my combination." You said looking up at him.

"Y/N I've been arrested 9 times and you think I wouldn't know how to pick a lock?"

"Fair enough I guess." You said reaching for your books but Kenny put his hand on your forehead keeping you away.

"Ay, I know that heads big for a reason don't be dumb." He said with a chuckle pulling the books away so you wouldn't reach them.

"Wanna repeat that?" You ask raising an eyebrow

"Oh, what are you gonna do with one arm?"

"I will cross your name off this cast." You threatened

"Did I say big? I meant average some would even say perfect." He said wrapping an arm around your shoulder as he walked to class with you.

You two had for the most part gone back to normal. Almost as if you two never broke up. But it wasn't completely back to normal. While Kenny respected that you didn't want to be with him romantically but he was dying over the fact he couldn't kiss you. He couldn't keep his eyes off you it was eating him alive.

He stopped in front of your class and smiled down at you. "I'll be back when class is over don't be stubborn and try to pack up by yourself k sweetheart?"

"I still have a good arm I can do it by myself." You said with a groan.

"Oh, I know. You think after surviving a car crash I don't think you're a badass?" He asked raising a brow and smirking. "I know you can do it by yourself. But I don't know if I can let you do it by yourself."

You looked away from him and blushed softly. Was he always that romantically corny? "F-fine..whatever. Just don't get out of class early just to be here." You muttered as you walked into class.

Kenny stood there for a second smiling as he admired you. It tore him apart that he couldn't be about you. He wanted to get over you but he couldn't not when you were so perfect. It would be better if you would just act like an asshole but you just wouldn't. It made it all so difficult.

You sat down next to Wendy and Bebe talking. You lean your head back and sighed. Wendy looked over at you and smiled.

"Hey Y/N how's your arm?" Wendy asked like she did every day she saw you. God forbid you said anything other than good. She was almost worst than Kenny.

"Pretty good...found out I could use my cast as a weapon." You said karate chopping the arm and groaned in pain. "Oh ok, maybe I lied."

"Sooo you and Kenny that back on?" Bebe asked without looking up from her phone.

"Oh god no." You said with a sigh almost like you were disappointed

Bebe looked up from her phone and raised an eyebrow. Wendy seemed just as confused by your response. "Why not? You two seem like you're back to normal."

"Yeah but....I just...I don't know if I feel safe around him." You muttered but you knew it wasn't true. Since the incident, you've told everyone that same excuse as to why you couldn't be with Kenny maybe you were lying to yourself. You hadn't felt uncomfortable around him in ages. Not since after Clyde's party.

"Oh come on Y/N you know that's not true. You let him take care of you after you got out of the hospital, you took care of him when he came to your house drunk, and hell even now he's still taking care of you." Bebe said making you cringe a bit.

"Yeah Y/N what's really going on?" Wendy asked in a softer tone.

"I don't know if he actually cheated or not ok? Every part of me is saying he didn't every part except my fucking brain. I know what I saw and I can't get it out of my head. I told him I believe him but I don't know if I actually do. I mean I can't be with him if he actually did do that." You rambled as Bebe and Wendy sat and listened. Wendy put her hand on your cast trying to calm you down.

"Hey hey, it's ok. We can get to the bottom of it." Wendy said with a warm smile that calmed you down almost instantly. You took a deep breath and nodded. "Ok good now tell us everything."

"Ok, so this girl texted him on insta and told him to meet up with her or call her or something after he left my place." You explained.

"What was her name? Did you see her profile picture?" Bebe asked not looking up from her phone.

"Yeah, It started with a K and the profile picture was like a girl holding a little white dog." You said trying your best to recall all the details.

"Kay or Kassandra Lopez she's a sophomore, goes to this school, and is currently in room 907," Bebe said almost immediately after you answered her.

"Damn wanna tell us her blood type next?" Wendy asked with a laugh.

"How did you even do that?"

"Secret. Now let's go over there and get our answers." Bebe said standing up from her seat and gathering her things.

"W-what? Dude, we're still in class."

"Who cares? The teacher is literally asleep and class is almost over anyway." Bebe said as she continued typing away at her phone. You look over her shoulder and sure enough, your teacher was asleep with a half-eaten donut on his chest.

"Wendy?" You said hoping she would talk some sense into Bebe but when you looked over at her she was packing up her things too. The two girls walked over to the door without looking back at you.

"Don't got all day!" Bebe said as she left class.

You sighed and grabbed your things following them out. You walked alongside them as you made your way to room 907. Once you all got there you stood outside the door just waiting for the bell to ring. You were a nervous wreck. What would you even say to the girl you think your kinda boyfriend kinda ex may have cheated on you with?

You didn't even have time to think about it before the bell rang and students flooded the halls. Then you saw her. She was taller, more confident, almost....prettier. If Kenny did cheat on you it made sense that it was with her. You felt your nerves getting worst.

"Kassandra!" Bebe called after her causing her to turn around and cross her arms.

"What?" She said looking at the three of you. Bebe nudged you forward closer to Kassandra. She looked down at you with an annoyed expression. "I don't have all day what do you want?"

"I um....I'm Y/N and um I'm Kenny's was Kenny's girlfriend and um you texted him a while back and I just...just um wanted to know what that was about..?" You managed to say admittedly very shaky.

Kassandra just stared at you for a second before bursting into laughter. You cringed knowing she was laughing at the mere idea of Kenny dating someone like you. You couldn't really blame her. You had just been in a car accident you weren't really looking your best.

"You? Kenny dated you? I can see why he isn't anymore." She said with a smirk

"Did she say what I thought she said? Ight." Bebe said taking off her earrings but Wendy held her back

"Look I just want an answer....Did you and Kenny.." You asked but trailed off trying to find the right words.

"Not yet. But I mean look at you. He needs someone better someone like me. You're boring he needs someone who can actually satisfy him the way he needs." She said with a smirk

"I'm plenty satisfied thank you," Kenny said walking up to you and wrapping an arm around your shoulder protectively. He looked over at Kassandra and then back down to you with a smile. "I told you not to be stubborn and now I find you out here fighting with a toddler?"

"Toddler? Oh hell no. I know you aren't talking about me. This is all woman way more than that thing you're with." She said with a frown and crossed her arms.

"They are mine and you need to treat them with some respect because no one compares to them especially you," Kenny said glaring down at her.

"They're lame! They don't drink, smoke, party. I mean come on are you really saying you'd rather date them than me? I'm hot and they're not. Look at them they'r-" She started before Wendy cut her off by punching her in the face.

Kassandra stumbled back holding her nose that was now gushing blood. Everyone turned to Wendy in shock. Not just Bebe, you, and Kenny. Everybody in the hall stared at her. It wasn't uncommon to see a fight but to see Wendy do it?

Wendy's eyes widened and she gasped covering her mouth with her hand. Kenny smirked because honestly if she hadn't done it he might have done it himself.

"W-what do I do?" Wendy asked looking up at you, Bebe, and Kenny.

"You fucking run," Kenny said lifting you up and running off with you to which Bebe and Wendy followed in a panic.

Kenny laughed as he ran off with you eventually putting you down when you two were outside the front doors and behind the gym. He smiled down at you and you just looked down embarrassed by the entire situation.

"I-I...I'm sorry I didn't believe you before when you said you didn't....cheat on me." You muttered keeping your head down.

"Hey don't worry about it. I understand why you didn't I wasn't exactly prince fucking charming." Kenny said gently putting his hand on top of your head.

"Can you....can you forgive me...and...maybe start over with me?" You asked looking up at him making Kenny's heart swell from the look in your eyes.

"Now Y/N are you asking me out? I'd have to check my schedule.." He teased.

"Please don't make me beg." You mutter with a groan.

"Well if you're offering it might clear a few things from my very busy schedule." He said with a chuckle.

"What the hell do you have on your calendar? Court? Fine." You said with a sigh and took a deep breath. You swallowed your pride and looked up at him putting on your best puppy-dog eyes. "Kenny...will you please forgive me? I'm so sorry I promise to listen better this time...can we please...please start over and go out with me?"

"I'd love to Y/N....but you think you can beg some more but this time-"

"I take it back." You said turning away.

Kenny chuckled and spun you back around and lifted up your chin and kissed you softly. He was careful almost as if he was scared to break you. You closed your eyes and kissed back. It felt right feeling his lips against yours again. He pulled back from the kiss and rested his forehead on yours.

"Ok ok. For real. I would love to try again."

"Good now kiss me again."

He chuckled and pulled you into another kiss as Wendy and Bebe finally caught up to you guys. They saw you two kissing and stayed back just watching the scene in front of them. They smiled seeing how at....peace you were. In that moment it felt like every stupid thing you both went through for the past few months felt worth it. Worth it to have this peace.

A/N: You guys have no idea the drama with this part! I wrote the whole thing in 2 hours on my phone then I switched to my laptop and for some reason, it deleted the ENTIRE THING. I had to start over immediately because I was scared I would forget something and I loved the way it was so I didn't want that to happen. And it's not exactly the same which I'm bummed about but ya know life. But I'm ok with this version in fact I was so excited I set this post to post at midnight because I was so excited. That might not happen again i was just so excited. But yeah back to the story. This is the last part! I hope you liked it I really enjoyed writing this series. It was honestly one of my favorites. And I'll be fr I only made this based on a TikTok of a scene I didn't even write til like the 4th chapter. I hope you guys truly loved this series as much as I did. And thank you for reading I love you all 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

TL ♡

@thiscrying

[bee-whistler]

Heads up, y’all… Bath and Body Works has their hand soaps on sale for two days at $3.25. If money is tight but you want to indulge in some Autumn scent (or any scent, I dunno if it’s a limited sale) this is your best bet. It’s even cheaper, and probably safer for the products, if you select the option to pick it up at a store, if you have one nearby.

If you get their gel hand soap, you can refill an average foaming soap dispenser (any cheap Walmart one you happen to have empty) about three times from one of these gel soap bottles by using a mixture of approximately 1 part soap and 7 parts water (up to the point where it fills the bottle once the lid is twisted on). Put them in and shake vigorously before you start pumping. Warm water blends even better, and either way it stays blended. Their foaming pump refill bottles fill about the same amount but cost three times as much even on sale.

B&BW has become prohibitively expensive but if you keep your eyes open and know a few things you can still have aesthetic goodness in your life. The three wick candles are also currently $13.

[rootytootypie]

beast boy... 💨♥️🤢🦸‍♂️

💨: BB does fart a little more than average, especially as he gets into his late teens (i.e. 18+). It’s the consequences of being a vegetarian who still likes their protein. It’s maybe edging on twenty one times a day. It definitely typically stinks and makes a fair bit of sound, and is probably something the TTG characters would cheer on. He’ll only hold it if he has to say something serious, or later in life, when he’s propositioning someone for sex (after getting his advances accepted, he’ll go to the bathroom to “spruce up”). Other than that, he doesn’t make a production of it but he definitely is pretty casual.

❤️: Gar literally goes out of his way to Google quotes about farting in relationships being “romantic” so he can show them to Rae and present them as serious scientific evidence. Considering he was farting in front of her before they were dating, he pretty gave things a two week grace period, and then one day, while they were just chilling in her room, with her scratching his scalp, he grinned kinda sheepishly and said, “I gotta fart real bad. Not asking, just warning. I don’t think it’s gonna be too bad.” *BROOT!* He closed his eyes and sighed in relief. “Sorry ‘bout that.” In response, Rae rolled her eyes and only said, “It’s really unfortunate that I’m used to that. But you’re never getting Walmart brand tofu again.” Then she went back to scratching his scalp, all while covering her nose and mouth with her spare hand.

🤢: We all know most versions of Gar find farts funny. If anything, it’s to a ridiculous level when he’s under sixteen. Even as an adult, he’ll catch himself sniggering at some poor guy who accidentally ripped ass in the produce aisle. He was only truly grossed out during a period of time when he tried soy protein shakes and then accidentally dutch ovened himself. Other than that, he’s cool with it. His senses are a little keener, though, so he definitely has more of an ability to notice silent farts (and if it’s when he’s alone with Rae, he WILL call her out and make a big production of being grossed out).

🦸‍♂️: His morphing powers occasionally play a role in how much gas he produces for the next four hours in human form. It stays human sized though, thankfully, and despite stereotypes, most large animals aren’t super gassy. Still, the hours after being a bull or a zebra sometimes require tummy rubs, because it’s definitely more than his daily average (and slightly painful on his stomach). He also learned the hard way that becoming a termite has the worst consequences possible. The kind that lead to a “no termite” rule that he actually put on the books for himself, and for any possible future animal morphing Teen Titans.

[somuchyoudontknow]

Hello Sophia,

I’ve been curious about any relationships and linkages between SMA title, Alba and Jinx. Finally, I’ve managed to discover Chris’ influencer profile on one marketing platform (note: Carbons Dating The Web estimated creation date: 2023-06-01).

There are some interesting facts and figures in the case study:

Premium US dog superfood brand, Jinx is redefining dog nutrition and is sold at Walmart stores across the country. Its audience are 71% female, typically single or married and aged in their thirties. English-speaking, Jinx’s followers are 84% US-based, with India, The Philippines, Indonesia and Brazil as secondary markets. Top cities for its customers include New York, LA, San Francisco and Chicago.

Looking at celebrity influences, Chris Evans does not appear in the list.

Media-wise, Buzzfeed, Betches Media, The New York Times, HGTV, The New Yorker, People Magazine, Vice and Bon Appetit come out on top for consumption.

Chris’ audience is 67% female, typically single and aged 25-34. English-speaking, his followers are typically based in the US, with Brazil, India, Italy and Mexico as other territories. Top cities include São Paulo, New York and LA. On basic demographics, Chris Evans and Jinx are rather well matched, particularly if the brand is hoping to reach a slightly younger customer base.

Diving into likes and interests, Film & TV rank highly, as well as music, dance, sport, college, poetry, Mexican food and spirituality. Pets is present, with 1.5% of the share, which is 1.3x the platform average, putting Chris Evan’s profile in the top 20% of all Instagram accounts for pets.

Looking at media consumption, Buzzfeed, BBC, CNN, 9GAG, New York Times, TIME Magazine, The New Yorker, GQ and Hugo Gloss dominate. Crucially, Jinx isn’t listed as one of Chris Evan’s follower’s main brand affinities. Instead, the likes of Marvel, Disney, NASA, Starbucks, Google, PlayStation and Sephora lead. That being said, no other pet food brand appears.

It is important to note that Chris Evans is one of a few celebrity investors in Jinx. However, he is still quite an organic brand ambassador, being known for his relationship with his dog. Overall, it’s a smart match for brand and talent that taps into authentic interests and with the addition of Evans as creative director for campaigns, it appears to be a more substantial collaboration than a simple awareness-based sponsorship.

November 2020 – Chris followed Alba.

16 November 2021 – Pooch loving celebs Trevor Noah, Chris Evans, NFL star Odell Beckham Jr. and CAA co-founder Michael Ovitz are among the latest high-profile investors in Jinx.

PageSix: Chris Evans and more A-listers invest in healthy dog food brand.

2022

9 March – Pet Age: Walmart Partnership Expands Distribution of Premium Dog Food Brand Jinx.

10 March – Pet Product News: Jinx Pet Food Now Available at Walmart.

21 May – People Mag: Chris Evans celebrates National Rescue Dog Day with adorable photo of himself and pet Dodger.

2 June – Buzzfeed announces Puppy interview.

18 June – Buzzfeed releases Puppy interview.

24 June – Alba’s first like in 2022 (iPhone post).

15 July – Laser focused interview.

16 July – Chris liked Alba’s MHGP post.

17 July – JustJared, Daily Mail and Buzzfeed report Chris Evans is laser focused on finding a partner (no mention of Alba).

18 July – People Mag: Chris Evans Says He's 'Laser-Focused on Finding a Partner' to Spend His Life With.

20 July – Chris’ Dating Poll by Buzzfeed.

27 July – Entertainment Tonight meet Chris Evans' 'Long-Term Partner': His Adorable Dog Dodger!

Forbes: Chris Evans Partners With Jinx Premium Dog Food.

Adweek: Chris is Future Jinx Ad Star.

CNN: Talking dog parenting with Chris Evans.

People: Chris Evans Says His Pet Dodger Is 'a Cut Above the Average Dog,' But Admits 'I'm Probably Biased'.

26 August – People Mag: Chris Evans Celebrates National Dog Day with Pup Dodger: 'In My House, Every Day.

27 August – E! news tweet: When Captain America found his perfect sidekick. ❤️ Happy #InternationalDogDay to Chris Evans & Dodger.

October – Alba deactivated her IG account.

6 October – People mag: the actor and his beloved rescue dog Dodger star in a new ad spot for dog food company Jinx.

11 October – Alba reactivated her account. Chris liked 2 WN posts.

7 November – SMA announcement on Monday's The Late Show With Stephen Colbert.

Chris Evans Is PEOPLE's 2022 Sexiest Man Alive.

Entertainment Tonight: Chris Evans Reacted to Getting 'People' Magazine's 2022 Sexiest Man Alive (editor Julie Jordan: “If he is dating someone he will talk about it or you will see him with the person”.

10 November – People: Chris Evans Is Dating Actress Alba Baptista: 'It's Serious,' Says Source — He's 'Never Been Happier'.

OK! Mag: Chris Evans & Actress Alba Baptista's Relationship Confirmed Months After Packing On The PDA At 'Super Affectionate' Date Night.

PageSix: Chris Evans and girlfriend Alba Baptista hold hands in first PDA photos.

12 November – Daily Mail: 'World's Sexiest Man' Chris Evans, 41, is seen holding hands with Alba Baptista, 25, for the FIRST time on a romantic stroll in Central Park.

E! News: Chris Evans & Alba Baptista Confirm Romance With PDA Stroll.

14 November – E! News tweet: The strongest bond in the universe (Dodger).

10 December – Alba deactivated her IG account.

2023

10 March – Alba reactivated her IG account.

18 April – Alba at Ghosted Premiere in NY.

26 April – People: Jinx to bring "The Dog Dream Box" to dog lovers nationwide.

28 April – Pet Food Processing: To celebrate Pet Month in May, Jinx launched a new limited-edition “The Dog Dream Box” collaboration with celebrity Chris Evans, brand ambassador at Jinx, and his dog Dodger.

J2 June – 40/29 News: 2023 Walmart Associates' Celebration.