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#awful I've been to live with lately
quillandrapier · 2 years
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At what age can you act like a dumb teenager and get away with it?
#awful I've been to live with lately#I'm staying at my sisters for a couple days after several bad breakdowns at my family home#And my sister walks in with a card saying I should consider writing something to mum and im just blanking#Because right now I resent her and hate her so much#And i feel like a monster for feeling like that and evil#We are on the same side but she really doesn't understand me#A couple weeks ago I had a full on tantrum after feeling very depressed... I'm 23.#My sister has been awful to me lately#And going home at the moment is so tough that it reduces me to tears and makes me actively suicidal#But my mum hasn't had it easy either because my sister is being a handful to her too#But she kept pointing out how negative and and she is right I am lashing out a lot but#I'm not dealing well with domestic abuse#When my adhd presents itself she acts like the conquenses are the worst thing in the world#She and I cannot communicate at all#She has never really supported me creatively or shown any want to understand me really#She makes me feel stupid and useless and gets defensive when I point that out#She isn't wrong im lazy and useless really#Her and my family make me feel like I have no real good quality and I'm untalented#She treats her two disabled kids like we are creatures#But she is probably right#I've been awful to her lately and I literally got so upset the other day after being attacked again I kicked down and broke a door and#Ran down my dirty street in socks and a t-shirt#She is talking about institutionalising me when I would not be this bad IF I WEREN'T ABUSED DAILY and she knows that#She never comforts me emotionally and I get it its not easy for her either#But im so alone and having the only person I talk to anymore be a person I can't communicate with sucks#And now I'm spiraling again
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skunkg1rll · 5 months
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🦨💭
#even if idk what's going on#it FEELS like i've lost him as a friend. even if he said that like oh you're my friend or whatever. it doesnt feel like it#we havent talked as often lately (not my choice........) anyway and now .. bruh this last week has been AWFUL.#now idek if and how we will talk. like i feel like he doesnt want me annoying him. so i cant even use sending pics of my cat or asking him#random things as an excuse to talk because like... i feel awkward#i've gone from feeling 90% comfortable with him to like 10% lmaoooo#i just feel like he is bothered by me and that i annoy him and i feel stupid and awkward talking to him#so like.....now when idek if we are friends or how we talk#i cant suddenly be like hiiiiii the rain reminded me of you hiihihihihi#not talking to him even a little makes me miserable#but he isnt replying and i dont know what is going on with any of it with him and me so idk#also ://#i cant help but freak out bc of him not following me anymore bc that means that there will be MORE distance between us#i will become even less and less present in his life and world. he will start forgetting me more and more. he will realize that the world#without me is better!!!! he will spend more time andbe more attentive towards everyone else and realize that not having me close is much#better. and that his life is happier and better without me close by T-T plus it's...#i cant lie... it makes me jealous that he had favorite blogs and mutuals who arent me 😭😭#and all of them are better than me in every aspect...... 😭#this will only make the gap between us bigger and he will forget about me!!!!!!!! 🥲#little by little he is reducing the amount of me in his life and since it'll be better he'll keep going until im out of it completely#im gonna die just thinking about it bc i know i know that i dont bringANYTHING good into ppl's lives and im just lucky that it lasts at all
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softshuji · 9 months
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y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.
#i was thinking abt it earlier#but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why#actually i do kinda know why.#i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me#earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject#too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i#was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often#especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d#everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just#cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even#consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural#but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other#peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something#something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they#move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less#sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can#always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response#and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone#it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything#not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i#feel like im not actually being heard or listened to#and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you'#or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore#god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it#for everyone else all the time#is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say#this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice#god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover#and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel#like they actually like me
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extemporary-username · 6 months
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Looking up while brushing my teeth
It's me in the mirror
Hadn't seen him in a while
Welcome back, me
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thawthebeez · 7 months
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girl help the sugakage brainworms are eating me alive noooooooo
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eggmeralda · 10 months
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can never describe enough how excited I am for the inevitable 2010s revival of the future
(also this turned into a massive ramble accidentally?)
#like i know there are already kids being like ''i wish i was a teenager in 2014 😭'' but i mean like#you know how like the past 5 years have been so 80s inspired#and also 90s#and how the 90s were really into the 60s#and i cannot wait for all the awful aesthetics that were everywhere when i was 12 to come back#bc i'm curious how it'll look. bc obviously it won't be like. the 2010s are back#it'll be this romanticised idea of the 2010s and i wonder which parts will be rejected and which parts you'll see Everywhere#god i feel like there needs to be a new Thing that causes the need for nostalgia#e.g. in the 70s when punk and indie started as a response to the way music was getting so. idk. complicated or whatever#or like kind of inaccessible to do yourself. like dgmw prog rock slaps disco slaps etc. but not everyone could just. do that#and then punk happened and it was so simplified like no long guitar solos or whatever it was so stripped down. and same with indie#not to ramble about what was in my dissertation but early indie was SO 60s influenced it was unreal. and. it was the nostalgia.....#and then i guess with punk there was new wave and post punk and then new romantics and synthpop and things got synthier and then idk#the 80s were so electronic which. again it slaps. but then it got to a point that it was Too Much again that there needed to be a Return#to the past and stuff. so then grunge and britpop and other stuff happened#and idek it always seems to be there's a new music genre or new subculture that evolves over a few years into different things#before getting too much and the next generation wants to go back so they make a new genre. which then evolves and the cycle goes on#but (at least from what I've seen. which probably isn't a lot bc i live under a rock) there doesn't seem to be anything New lately?#everything's all revivals of older genres now. like i haven't seen any new equivalent to emo or britpop or punk or beat or rock n roll etc#like a thing that Changes the timeline. and i was reading this essay about the new beatles song saying how we don't need a new beatles song#even though the new song's still cool it was kind of saying like everything nowadays is recycled and nothing is shocking anymore#like nostalgia is so big now. with all the film remakes and stuff like that. there is nooTHING NEWLY NEW. IDEK. I am rambling so much#just thinking about many things. this was sparked bc i listened to twilight by cover drive and it literally transported me back to year 7#and that led to early 10s nostalgia and by the time that comes back into fashion will the nostalgia problem be worse or will something have#happened within that time. like a new punk or something. tbf i guess a lot of what I'm talking about is to do with rock and i mean#there's rap and stuff which i don't listen to a lot of so idk maybe there's stuff going on there which i don't know about. but then#i want there to be something i Do know about. like something you can't escape. kids are all dressing like this and listening to this and#we WILL hear about it. new proper subculture that isn't just a week long tiktok trend. ykw i blame tiktok for all of this lol#but yeah. holy shit tag limit#ramble
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littlepetbee · 2 years
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new relationship status: unofficially in a unlabeled platonic partnership with my best friend
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kindacreepy-kindaugly · 6 months
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It never gets any fucking easier does it
#bitch bout to do smth very stupid here#i've kept my distance for what already feels like forever n i really thought by now i'd be. at least on the way to functioning on my own#i can ignore it when i'm doin ok but the pull never goes away it's always there#then i get low n i just. can't think of a reason to fight it anymore#i feel like i got sold just another lie. that if i just stay strong n don't go back then i'll start learning how to live w/o him but#did anyone actually tell me that? did i just lie to myself? he makes me feel awful most of the time but if i feel awful anyway then why not#sometimes it helps for a moment or two#that's if he even wants me around anyway. could you go either way#cause i'm sick n weak n suicidal just the way he likes me but also he might be too focused on doll to feel like playin w/ me rn#i feel like everyone told me it'd get easier but maybe they didn't. or maybe i'm doin smth wrong.#honestly it might be my fault he's gettin worse again in the first place cause maybe he was right n i just need a villain in my life#someone to blame when everything's too hard#i guess i wouldn't know what to do w/ myself if he really changed like we supposedly want him to so.....#i hate how i'm realizing he was right about more n more things all the fucking time#i can't do this on my own. i need someone to go to someone i can rely on someone to hold me#others in this system got someone who actually cares about em n what do i get? fucking val#i try not to go there cause it's not healthy but lately it's been hard to convince myself this life isn't a punishment#hell was too cozy so they put me here instead. i don't deserve to be looked after. i only deserve to be used#i don't know what exactly it was i did that was so awful but. i can't make sense of it any other way#so there must be something. this is just me gettin my due.#why else would i have been made like this? wired wrong for this world in so many ways always needin too much#so stop bitching n whining about it n just take it like a good boy#i'm still a good boy if i rly put myself into it right?#spdrvent
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radical-rapscallion · 9 months
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w.hat was thay noise
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everswift · 1 year
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controversial. but
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piplupod · 1 year
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the brain better figure out a way to fix this shit real quick or idk what is going to happen honestly. i feel very sick
#counseling appt tomorrow (well today now lol.) and it is very hard for me to not ask to be put in psych ward#i would be free from spiders there. they would feed me meals. i would be given sleep meds#i would still be able to kill myself or hurt myself bc they're so shitty abt safeguarding things there but I'd at least have ppl around#i feel really sick and really awful#i just cannot stop having my heart pounding from anxiety and its been all day and I'm so tired#i dont want to do this anymore#i feel like im going to die from all this honestly even if i dont kill myself fjfkdl like this has to be taking a toll on the body#idk ! i would honestly go to psych ward tomorrow if i could but unfortunately my mother is an issue lmao#i hate that the ward feels like the safest place rn i hate that i dont have a safe home i hate this house I want out of here#im trapped and stuck and even if i filled out all the applications for everything possible tonight i would still be stuck here for weeks#at least weeks lmao its more likely months to even potentially like... 2+ years#and theres no way out !!!!! i dont know what to do. im very scared#sorry im just. really reaching the end of my rope and ik I've said that a lot lately but this isnt even pmdd rn#this is just me rn fjfldl no fucked up hormones at play#im very afraid and i feel very sick and i cannot sleep and i just feel like i want to go home and when i question myself on that-#-i think of the psych ward as the place i want to go and thats rly bad fjfldl thats rly rly bad that that is what my brain wants#okay I'll stop now sorry#i hope everyone else is doing okay fjfkdl i am glad ppl exist and live their lives and have ppl around them#it makes me very happy that other ppl are real and alive and are doing okay#idk . im tired. i hope i can sleep soon and i hope my heart stops acting up. i hope the holter monitor on thurs can get me help for this#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#suicide tw
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maybe its just imposter syndrome or whatever but I'm looking at my ao3 and im just. not feelin good about my writing rn.
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gutghost · 10 months
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Imagine you get cheated on...BUT- the cheater turns kinda...yandere?
It felt like an awful nightmare. Bile rising in your throat as you looked at your lover - the person who you loved through their highest and their lowest, the person who you invested blood sweat and tears into, the person you promised yourself to - undoubtedly pressing their lips to another person's. It took a hot minute before you tried to step back, only for you to bump into the doorway, causing a loud thump. The two looked at you, one with horror, the other with confusion. It took you no time to turn around and make a run for it. A hiccup making its way out of your throat as you felt a sob start to shake through your body.
It's been afew months, well. More then few months since that incident, and safe to say you have been doing...fine. not great, but fine. You've decided to collect your things while your lover was away from the house, your friends and family helping you out as you found a new place to live. It was bare bones, considering you didn't take the shared couch, or tv, dressers, not even bed. But it was yours, and you've been getting by. You'd like to think you've gotten stronger.
That was until odd things started happening around your apartment. Things were being moved, shit you know you wouldn't misplace. Your clothes were going missing, much to your dismay. You barely had any, so to lose even one shirt was frustrating. Then roses started appearing in vases in your home. Seeing as actual items were showing up you decided to call the police, and when it seemed that the window to your bedroom was broken, seemingly from an outside force, they told you to invest in better security as they kept a look out.
Which is why you were going to the store so late at night, I mean, what could go wrong?
bad decision, you later decided as you looked at the scene infront of you. Your throat tight, bile rising, just like that night, the night you lost your true love. In front of you was your lover - now ex - looming disheveled, gasping for air as their voice broke, a small, unnerving, almost crazed look, crossing their features.
"My love, my everything, oh please-"
"Dont."
Your lip trembles as you step back, your look of surprise quickly turning into that of anger. They had no right to call out to you with such fondness, not after what they put you through. The pain and suffering, all due to the person who swore to love you.
A look of hurt crossed their face at the sight of you backing away from them, as if you kicked a puppy. The idea sickened you. Quick to try and close the space once more as they struggled to walk straight they would stumble forward. Their voice trembling as they fell to their knees, a whimper coming from them as they scrambled to grab at your sweatpants.
"Please - my love I beg of you, I know what i did was sin, I know - I've never been more sick in the mind then i was that night, oh I was so stupid, thinking I could ever so much as THINK of another woman! Even more so after wards, how could I think I could ever live without you??? You! Oh precious you, the sun only shines when you are near. Those next few weeks were torture my dear, I've never wanted anything more then to RIP MY SKIN OFF WHEN I REALIZED MY MISDEEDS."
Their insane rambling continued as you tried to shove them off, tears starting to stream down their gaunt cheeks. Had they been eating? You wondered as you tried to get them off you.
"I'm...i'm better now though! I've never been thinking clearer, I came to a realization life isn't worth living without you! But by then- you...- you had already left, I tore through that house to try and find you but you had already been far gone. I asked your family, your friends - but all of them simply turned me away, your LOVER - isn't that what I am? I am, aren't i?? They should've...they-"
You couldn't listen to this anymore. A disgusted feeling filling your gut. What did you ever see in them?? You quickly shoved them away, a small gasp coming from them as you stepped away, your ex lover falling backwards onto the sidewalk. A look so firey resting on your face it could rival the heat from the depths of hell.
"You lost that right. You lost it the moment you took that person into your arms, the moment you brought them into our home, the moment you pressed your lips against theirs."
They seemed dumbfounded, sobs starting to wash over their body as they tried to sputter out apologies. But you had none of it.
"Did you get a kick out of it? Seeing me suffer? Seeing me jealous as you placed your hands on that person's? Your lips on them? When i left did you just go right back to kissing on them? Fucking them??"
You spat at them, your ex lover crying their heart out as they struggle to breathe. Whether it be from guilt or heartbreak, you weren't sure. They shook their head as they continued to cry, trying once again to reach out to you, to hold onto you for that comfort you once so readily gave them. But you stepped back, putting space between you once more. A scoff coming from you as you did so
"Baby please don't do this to me, please please please-"
Their voice wavered heavily. Some part of you, the part buried deep down in your heart, ached at the sight of them so broken down. They looked ill, both mentally and physically. But what done was done. You quickly turned on your heels as you made your way home. Your ex lovers cries filling the street as he urged you to come back, to not leave him. To not abandon him.
Maybe some sick part of you felt good that you left them a blubbering mess, after all. They rept what they sown, did they not?
Little did you know, oh how blissfully unaware you were. They were gonna get you back, one way or another. They will have you back in their arms, with all those roses they left in your apartment in pretty vases all over your newly bought home in the woods, far from everyone.
They will have you be their's again.
that corpse that once used to be their side piece left rotting under the concrete of their basement proves it.
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willowjay07 · 2 years
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How to sleep: 
*not want to sleep* 
How to stay awake: 
*want to sleep*
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humans are space orcs
imagine someone with chronic joint pain, whose dream their whole lives has been to go to space and meet the aliens and be a scientist and learn
so they look up the requirements as a kid and go "fuck."
they wouldn't make the cut.
their dreams are dashed. hopes ruined. lifelong dre destroyed.
except....
they've never really said a whole lot about their pain. they don't particularly like doctors, and they think that they've been managing just fine, so they never saw the point.
so maybe... maybe if they just don't say anything, they can make it to space.
they spend all of their time training. doing physical therapy exercises so that their joints aren't so loose, soaking up as much scientific and mathematical knowledge as they can, teaching themselves to push through the worst of it in pursuit of their dream.
and they make it.
they make it to space! it was gruelling, tortuous work, but they made it!
their first mission is an exploratory one, with a diverse crew which only has one other human.
they're thrilled.
they have dozens of alien friends and acquaintances. they spend hours learning and researching alien planets and cultures. it's everything they've ever wanted!
but
it's exhausting.
they're in more pain than they've ever been, more frequently than they ever have.
they keep up their exercises as best they can, but even those are often too much.
they smile when asked if they're alright, tell everyone that "i'm fine! just tired."
but they need a break. they can't imagine going or being sent back to earth, this is their home now, with these people, on this ship. but they don't know how much longer they can take this.
one day, on their day off, a fellow researcher comes and knocks on their door.
"are you here?"
"not today islith."
"but we've been called! there are some exciting new discoveries that need further cataloging and investigation, and carlmoth thought you would enjoy the task!"
"i can't today, islith."
"are you ill?"
"...kind of? but i'll be right as rain tomorrow. it's my day off anyhow."
"nonsense! you should go down to medbay!"
"i'm alright, i promise."
"you get out here right this minute or i'll report you to medbay myself!"
"no!" there's a series of crashes and thumps, and then they open the door.
"oh, you look awful. come on, you really must need medbay, what if you're contagious." islith tries to grab them but they shy away.
"i'm not contagious, i promise."
"how can you possibly know that? what if you picked it up from a sample, or, or, garfon has been sick recently! humans can't survive cerian sicknesses-"
"i didn't catch something from garfon, islith," they sigh and open the door wider. "come in and let me explain."
"alright, but if i think you should go to medbay afterwards then i'm taking you there."
"sure, islith."
islith enters, notices the piles of clothes, rumpled bedsheets, the lights are off and the port window shut.
"what's wrong?"
they sigh again, "my body doesn't work like it's meant to, islith."
islith is wildly alarmed, "and you said there was no need for medbay?!? come with me right now and-"
"no! i can't, islith, you don't understand."
"then explain it to me."
"i've... always been this way, although it's gotten worse as i've gotten older. my body, it just isn't built quite right, there's something wrong with it that makes it not work properly and hurt often."
"you're right, i don't understand. why can't you go to medbay?"
"i'd... be thrown off the ship."
"what?!?"
and so they tell islith a story about a young child whose dream was to touch the stars.
"and now, it's too late. i'd get in huge trouble for lying to the government, especially for so long."
"well- but- but humans are so resilient! you hear all the stories!"
"not every human is the same, islith. some of us are born disabled, and some of us get hurt in accidents, just like any other species."
"well, then, well there must be something we can do?"
they look up in shock, "we?"
"of course we, you ridiculous creature," islith said with a fond sigh. "you didn't think i'd leave you to suffer, would you?"
"but, you could get in so much trouble!"
"that's alright, i don't mind. what else are friends for? and, anyway, we don't have to tell your government, we can tell mine."
"but i'll-"
"we don't have any rules like that. any of us who are disabled can still manage in space just fine with the right support, and i bet you could too."
"i- islith- i don't-"
"don't worry, we'll all back you when it comes down to it. you're out teammate, our family. no one on this ship wants to watch you leave because of something you can't control. now come on, let's talk to glidlep in medical, she'll understand."
and for years, things continued on that way, until eventually it was an open secret that the human with the exosuit was disabled and not technically allowed onboard.
and down the line, when nasa found out and was furious, the entire ship and more stood by their side.
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webslingingslasher · 8 months
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IM GLAD YOURE GOOD <333
also whilst we’re here. you know how girls get scary horny right before their periods? like i need to be tied to a tree like a wolf when im ab to get mine JDJDJDJ
peters never had a gf before trouble and the first time it happens he fr thinks he’s in HEAVEN. he doesn’t understand but she’s just on him 24/7 and he’s living for it. but also confused bc he can’t think of what he’s done differently to have u pouncing on him 24/7 but he’s not complaining djdjdnd
BOYFRIEND FRAT!PETER LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOO
-i've literally had this done for like two months but i got scared and let it collect dust. not anymore bby!!!-
for the fourth time today, peter tilted his shoulder towards his face to sniff his shirt. it smells just fine, it's clean cotton. he didn't get a new fabric softener so it couldn't be that, and it's not like he got a new cologne or soap.
peter couldn't place it, but something about him lately has you absolutely feral. especially today, he almost had to peel you away from his skin so he could go to class.
'i missed you so much,' you moved quicker than peter's ever seen, his feet haven't even come to a stop on the pavement before you're kissing him.
it becomes more sensual than he's willing to provide in public.
'it was an hour, trouble. what'd you do, wait for me?' peter meant it in a teasing way, he didn't expect you to nod quickly. 'yes. you're about to open your instagram to thirty messages, i'm so sorry.'
your palms race over his arms, something about him seems ultra soft today. in the least joking way possible, he really does feel like boyfriend material. and he was all yours.
'did you know i love you? like, so much.' he did, but he still loves to have a reminder. 'i love you so much it's uncool.' you've got a glazed look in your eye.
peter knows that look and if he's being honest, he's done nothing to deserve it. the last two days you haven't been able to keep your hands off him.
is this what people mean by the honeymoon phase?
'i love you too, trouble. what's got you so mushy recently?'
puffed cheeks, no regard and absolutely no reason to hold back. 'i just really wanna fuck you.' peter takes a sharp breath, something about you being bold makes his knees weak. it must be his desire to please.
'i would, i really, really would...' with gentle scratches up and down the back of your arm, you know he's setting you up for a no. you whine and pout up at him.
'no! you're not allowed! just say yes, please say yes!'
it's literally tearing him up inside. 'baby, i'm already going to be late for my library session. i also have a chapter meeting tonight.'
'do you really-'
'yes.' there was no way he'd be budging on that one. peter made you know you were number one priority, frat responsibilities sat right under you.
if he was suggesting you'd have to wait until late, or worse, the next day, you'd die.
'what about after the library? before the meeting?'
peter's never seen you so persistent. he really doesn't know what he's done, but he won't complain one bit. he'll be a little crunched for time, but that's no reason to let you down.
'if we use your dorm, yes, i think we can make it work.'
peter’s forced to balance himself, you attacked him with a bear hug and nuzzled into his chest. ‘thank you, thank you, thank you! i’ll tell my roommate right now!’
seconds tick. he’s already late and you’re not moving, keeping him in your grasp while your thumbs fly across your phone to send out a message.
‘trouble, you’re making me late.’ because you’d be offended if he pushed you away.
a finger is held up, ramped texting takes priority. ‘trouble,’ the second you feel yourself pushed to the side you huff up at him. 'don't toss me off to the side like i'm some toy, i'm your girlfriend.'
'you're not a toy, you're just not listening, therefore making me late.'
your arms cross over your chest, 'fine. whatever, go.' peter is nowhere in the wrong, but you're making him feel like he is. if this was before, he could just walk away. but now, he has to pause and address your concerns.
he's still adjusting to boyfriend duties.
'don't get mad with me, i'm being very nice.' he is, he even let you gently bully him into getting him into your room in an hour and a half. you hold your stance, it takes a few seconds, but he catches on.
'you're not mad, you're pouty. don't be pouty, you're gonna see me in an hour.'
a toddler grumble, 'i'm gonna miss you too much.'
peter really doesn't know where the sudden desperation came from, he really needs to check in with you, but if he's any later, he's gonna piss off a whole room of people.
'i'll miss you too, trouble.' it appeases you enough, you finally allow him to pass. peter isn't able to go a full three steps until you tell him to wait, he realizes his mistake.
'sorry, c'mere.' three quick kisses, you make it hard to pull away. 'love you,' he allows you to sneak another kiss. 'love you too, petey.'
—-
one thing you loved about peter was that he was always on time, at least for you he was. just like he promised, he was at your door an hour and a half later with a hand on his stomach.
‘i’m missing dinner for this, i could be having a nice catered meal with the boys, but no, it wasn’t allowed.’
‘that’s very kind of you, handsome.’
‘i just needed to let you know, you know, in case i go lethargic or my stomach starts growling.’
‘as long as you don’t pass out on top of me, gerald’s game scared me.’ peter holds his fingers up in a scouts honor, ‘i promise.’ it’s all it takes, you reach for his shirt, clenching the fabric, you tug him in. shutting the door and slamming him against it, your lips on his in a minute.
peter’s mind is spinning, he’s never been pushed up against a wall. it feels nice, it’s a good feeling to know someone wants him so badly a tinge of aggression comes with it.
your kisses trail over his jawline, you’ve never been so desperately horny in your entire life, something about him has you dialed to ten recently. it could be the impending period, but that just feels like a fraction of the reason.
feeling slightly guilty you’ve ruined his meal plan, you pull back, just for a second to rip his shirt off. when his skin is shown, your hands race over it, he’s toned, and tanned, and down right delicious.
you scatter kisses over his chest, peering up at him. ‘are they saving you a plate?’ peter looks down, he’s lost at your words. you’re asking about plates while worshiping his body?
‘huh?’ a trail of wet marks across his collarbone.
‘dinner. are they saving you a plate?’
how do you expect him to answer while you nibble a bruise on the bottom of his neck? ‘i don’t…’ peter takes a sharp inhale, he never knew he had a sweet spot until you found it. it’s behind his ear, and he has to lean down, just slightly, but it’s so, so worth it.
‘i don’t know, probably not. guys don’t think about stuff like that.’
you pull away with a pop, raising your thumb to brush over the red mark. ‘hold on,’ you turn for your phone abandoned on your bed, on the walk over you take your own shirt off.
it’s a quick text and a quicker response, your guilty conscience cleared. ‘done. ethan said he’ll save you one.’
‘my hero.’
you jump to your bed, shimmying your pants off before sitting up on your knees, you get into position, shaking your hips at your boyfriend before arching slightly.
‘are we thinking doggy?’
peter’s still stuck to the door, ‘you wanna start with doggy? what happened to foreplay?’
you move to your back to tug your underwear off, you were only following his words. ‘you said we would be strapped for time, i’m making it easier.’
‘by blowing past the most important thing and having me jam it into you?’
you narrow your eyes at him, ‘once upon a time you didn’t care about foreplay.’
‘that’s old peter, he’s dead.’
‘let’s revive him.’
peter finally steps away from the door, he feels ten times warmer. his arms move around like he’s trying to clear the air, ‘alright, hold on, we need to talk.’
four words that are forced to put the night on pause, he could wait for a heart to heart after. ‘let’s not.’ you reach for his jeans, he steps out of reach. ‘peter! you were the one that said it would be a time crunch, i’m doing my best here, let’s go.’
‘not until you tell me why you’re so possessive lately. this whole week, you can’t get enough of me. what’s going on?’
peter’s starting to think you have some doubts running through your head and if you have enough of yourself to him he’d stick around. it’s a bogus idea but you’ve done it before to him, maybe it’s worse because there’s more to lose now with the title.
‘i’m horny.’ there wasn’t much else to add. he’s just made you wildly needy this entire week, but peter wasn't buying it. with crossed arms he waited until you really told him what was going on.
you groan, the quicker you explain, the quicker you get what you wanted. 'fine, what do you know about the menstrual cycle?'
'as little as possible.' while he's slightly more knowledgeable than most men his age, everything he's learned has been against his will.
'great. i just got off mine two weeks ago, i'm ovulating, aka, my body wants a baby real bad. not just any baby, your baby, that's why i'm so horny for you.' you hope it's enough to appease him, you shuffle around on the bed.
'fucking in this bed sucks.' there's little room for peter but you did what you could with the space you had. 'also, expect this monthly. cause, it's gonna be your problem now that you're my boyfriend.'
peter breathes deep, 'that has got to be... the best problem i've ever had in my entire life.' peter moves so quickly your head spins, he's on his knees in front of the bed while you're pulled to the edge.
kisses up the inside of your thigh has you pulling at his hair, 'peter, you're gonna be late.' you suck in hair as he nibbles on your skin. 'we don't have time for this.'
it pauses him, peter looks up into your eyes, a cocky smirk forms. 'my girl has a primal urge, and it's my job to take care of it.' 
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