#b) pretty sure you're the one who doesn't like women.

[spacestationstorybook]

i HAAAAAATE‏‏‎ ‎lackadaisy‏‏‎ ‎fans‏‏‎ ‎just saw the world's‏‏‎ ‎STUPIDEST meme. can you explode!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lovemomhatepolice]

carlos sainz nswf alphabet (part 1) (minors DNI!)

navigation taglist requests

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) Carlos is such a cutie! He may not look like that, but I beg to differ - anyone who knows him knows very well that this is only an appearance. Carlos is so into you that I think he would do something to himself than if you were to feel bad. Aftercare with him includes, of course, lots of hugs, gentle kisses and a hell of a lot of words of affirmation.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) This question has been asked before…. Carlos definitely likes his big “cojones” in him. Oh, but this is not the place to tell about it. Although maybe… what's too much to say? Carlos loves how he's able to completely fill you up, while you're one big ball of whiny mass. In general, I can say that Carlos is satisfied with his appearance. He knows his worth and is well aware of how damn handsome he is. Spanish genes - that's it.

And as for you, I can answer without hesitation that your buttocks. God! Carlos is such a sucker when it comes to your ass. He always but always has to have his hand on it. Sometimes he pats you, sometimes he pinches you. Whatever just has to do with it. That's why he often prefers to stand behind you or let you pass somewhere…. Yes, the behavior of a gentleman must involve something, right?

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) Nah, I don't feel like Carlos is someone who likes to mess around. But at the same time, when he sees his mess pouring out of you, oh I swear you have entangled him around your finger.

When, by a joint decision, you put aside condoms and started using pills, Carlos was incensed. The touch of skin-to-skin and the possibility of getting inside you, jesus.And the sight of your shared combined juices…. A different approach, however, is to end up on your face. Oh no, that's not what he's signed up for. Sperm on your face is not a sight he's a fan of, maybe because it makes him feel weird and it's like he doesn't respect you.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) He loves to fuck you in front of the mirror. Your double view in front of him, especially in the doggie position is something that makes him feel like he's going to fly away. He never said it explicitly, but the fact that your future ceiling in your shared bedroom will be a mirror should give you something to think about.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) Well, Carlos has had maybe three partners in his life? Of which he was with one of them for about six years, so he is definitely experienced, but without exaggeration. Aside from the women he has been in a relationship with, he has never had sex with someone else before or in between. He's the kind of man who perceives sex in a very private and sensual way, so it wasn't for him.

He knows what he's doing, totally knows what he's doing, and if he's not sure about something, the conversation will certainly not skip. You can be sure that he will take care of every detail.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) Did I mention that he loves your buttocks? Oh yes. So any position where he can grab them or look at them is most welcome. On a doggie? He loves it!!! Carlos has it in him that he likes to dominate, which doesn't bother you at all. He does it so well that, well - you are left to bend over and wait on your knees.

Or a reverse cowgirl. On the couch On the couch, it's the perfect position for him - he can still be dominant, but still give you a lot of leeway (which he also loves secretly)

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) That depends. Mostly, though, Carlos tries to give your moment some spice and depth, and not play around with some silliness. You are the person in this relationship who is sooner to say something silly or start giggling. However, the room for speech and giggles when Carlos fills your feminine sphere is rare, as moaning and begging him for more definitely prevails.

Well, unless we are talking about quick sex, then it will happen. Particularly when it takes place in one of the valets in the ferrari garage and there are some liquids flying down from the cabinets around you. Yeah...

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) Carlos has luscious hair. From a young age, his head is adorned with dark, strong and thick hair. The same with the hair all over his body. Nevertheless, he doesn't worry too much about it - hair is natural for every human being! But when it comes to the intimate sphere, Carlos has to be perfectly shorn there. Some hair is out of the question, especially since, unfortunately, it also grows quickly and densely there. He just doesn't like their presence next to his penis, and what's worse, as if it should be combined with sperm. Not a chance.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) Sainz adores intimacy.

He may not be as much of a romantic as Charles, but he can definitely show off. He likes to spice up your sexual experience with things like hot chocolate or making shots of tequila salt and lime between your breasts. It's crazy. But that's all Chili. Let's not hide - he also often lights the lamp around you and prepares you for a romantic evening for two with a glass of wine and quietly playing music that blends with your whimpers. J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) Carlos loves to masturbate in front of the mirror. As with your sex, the man likes to satisfy himself in front of the mirror. To be honest, he doesn't know why himself, it's just the way he is and it's over. And as for the frequency, he doesn't do it very often - if he wants a blowjob, for example, I think you already know it well yourself and don't leave your man in need. K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) Blindly? Yes, that's definitely it. Sometimes it's you, sometimes it's Carlos, but it's something he loves. The anticipation of what's going to happen. The touch with which he gently glides over your body or you over his. And when it's topped off with hot chocolate or a massage, my goodness, you're both in heaven.

Creampie. This is the second answer. As I mentioned before - Sainz loves to watch and feel the combination of your juices pouring out of you. Damn, it turns him on so much. L = Location (favorite places to do the do) In front of the mirror. Whether in your bedroom or, as it happens, in the restroom. You nevertheless have very many mirrors in your apartment, so it doesn't really matter to him. Carlos also likes to have sex on the floor. Oh jeez, since you bought a new fluffy carpet, in addition to lying there all the time, he still pulls you onto it and you are able to spend long, long hours there. M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) You in short skirts. How many times did you have to chastise him not to lift them up “accidentally”. Or he didn't lean you over the kitchen counter when you were in them and say hot things in your ear…. Or a new set of underwear. Carlos loves to go shopping with you - and when he has the opportunity to pick out new underwear for you (or just does it himself), he even drowns in happiness.

A/N: part two! enjoy :) i will be very pleased if you leave something behind - orders are open, and I am very close to 200 followers! maybe I can get in by the end of the week?

please do not copy and translate my works! in case of any issues related to this - I invite you to discuss privately :)

[lightfeltmemories]

chilchuck tims: nsfw alphabet

note: we need more content on this guy, he's so damn fine and i'm not afraid to admit it lmao, i have plans on doing the other characters one of these days, i'm mad nervous of mischaracterizing him so apologies if something seems.... off. there is also a fem afab reader in mind but i'll try my best to appeal to anyone, we chilchuck fans gotta stick together lmaooo.

tw: none.

minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be blocked if seen liking, reblogging, or commenting on this post.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

when the two of you first did it, he.. wasn't very good at the concept, at first he would either get up to be by himself for a while or just... not do anything really, but over the years of the two of you being together he started to slowly get better, it started off small such as cuddling with you and watching you fall asleep, then it started with small conversations whilst bathing.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

on him, he likes his hands, the way the grab onto you as he fucks you, but on you, your hips and waist.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

something tells me his cum has some salty undertones, or it tastes like nothing, he also doesn't cum much either, if he were to cum on your stomach..... would it even reach your bellybutton? yes probably.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

a moment ago, laois had asked him if he had ever thought about having a threesome, and of course he said no because that's kind of weird... is it? the concept of it all is eating away at him and one of these days, it wouldn't hurt to try it at least once.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

this guy (canonically) has three kids, three daughters, and a previous wife, of course this guy has experience, but outside of the concept of procreation.. that's kind of where things steer left, realistically back in the day, people only really had sex due to procreation, and theres a high chance in hell that he never knew women could orgasam until he met you, and that's when he started to gain more experience in pleasing his partner.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

he usually prefers positions that gives him a good view of your face, he thinks it's beautiful the way your face scrunches up when he enters you, and when the two of you look at one another when he pounds away at you, but other positions are fine as well.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

a serious man he is, it ruins the intimate atmosphere if someone's cracking jokes, but he isn't above lighting up the mood if it ever calls for it.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

he has hair down there, not the bushiest but it's not the neatest, either, i don't think he cares much for grooming himself down there. as long as it doesn't smell bad then who cares?

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

just like aftercare, at first it kind of felt like a hookup, like it was just... sex, really, but further into the relationship, he started to take his time more, asking what you liked, willing to continue to make sure you cum as well.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

he has done it before as a last resort, but he doesn't do it as often especially after he got with you, it's not even necessary now.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

he doesn't have many kinks, but he finds it kind of hot when you sit on his face, especially if you're a chubby one with some curves, when the two of you are alone you'll see his hands caress your body... yeah i feel like he definitely has a thing for curves lmao.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

it has to be in a place where the party (or anyone for that matter) cannot hear or see the two of you, your place is definitely his favorite.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

nine times out of ten, you being half naked such as coming back from bathing, or wearing something that shows a bit of cleavage or skin tight can get him up a little, also, i imagine him having a thing for some slight brattiness, do with that what you will.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

obviously anything with bodily fluids, but that's too obvious, isn't it? for one he's not too keen on degradation, he doesn't get the premise of.. insulting his partner during intercourse, i also feel like he cringes at the thought of pet names such as "baby" anything similar, especially during sex.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

definitely a giver, at first he wasn't really good since outside of pure procreation he didn't know what to do much, but after learning what you liked, he started to get better and better, he also loves when you go down on him, too.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

not very fast, but also not very slow, right in the middle, enough to hear some slaps, enough for the bed to shake a little, but when he's close to cumming, he goes faster.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

quickies are rare, he doesn't think about them often, you've only done like 2 quickies with him, honestly.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

it would kill him if he ever got caught by the party, especially laois.. the endless teasing would be unbearable.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

he surprisingly has some good stamina, especially for someone who doesn't fight...... often... he can go for a while, not really a "night till dawn" type though.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

you two don't own toys at the moment, unless you ask..? he might be up for it.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

he don't look it, but this man can tease, right when you're about to cum, he'll pull away just to see you whine, of course he won't leave you hanging for long.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

quiet.. but not silent, his moans are cute, especially when you tease him, and when he's about to cum you can hear him slightly grow louder, don't tease him for it though he'll be embarrassed.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

as much as he doesn't like getting caught, he has definitely wanted you to suck him off while the party was sleeping, he won't ask for it though because it's too risky, but the though of it makes him rock solid.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

he's average length for someone of his species, he may not have the biggest dick but he knows what to do with it, i give his size about 5 or so inches when hard.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

pretty low, sex isn't the most important factor of his relationship, but it isn't a once every blue moon type of thing though.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

it depends, sometimes he falls asleep right away, sometimes he stays up a little, you might even be the one to fall asleep first.

[doberbutts]

It was a year or two ago some annoying terf was harassing me because I'm a terrible evil trans man beguiling and leading gay men astray with my gross vagina or whatever

And at some point how women are born with vaginas and men are born with penises and that was that

And I replied 'what about those who are born into the space inbetween? Women with psuedo-penises? Testicles where ovaries should be? Naturally higher testosterone? Facial and body hair?'

And naturally she screeched about how I was an evil tra who throws intersex people under the bus when intersex people have asked to be left out of this conversation.

But the problem is... I was talking about MYSELF. If you're going to forcibly label me a woman because I was born with a vagina, I'm going to require you to tell me what your definition of "woman" is that doesn't inherently exclude me from being ABLE to be labeled such.

A woman is someone born with a vagina, ovaries, and a uterus? And never with testes, prostate, and penis? Well I have a little of column A and a little of column B and that is without any amount of surgery or medical procedure.

A woman is someone whose endocrine system is estrogen-dominant? Sorry, that's never been me, I've always had higher testosterone than estrogen even before I went on T.

A woman doesn't need to shave her face? My beard predates my HRT. Doesn't have an adam's apple? I've had one since puberty. Cannot penetrate a partner without the help of a toy? Can and have. Body capable of creating new life? I've got it on pretty good authority that I've been infertile since the day I was born and that if I did somehow manage to get pregnant the fetus likely would never be viable anyway.

Doctors are sure she's a female baby the moment she comes out? Well considering my name was almost Jon Roger before the doctor realized he needed to take a second glance...

Has XX chromosomes? Well since I figured out this year that I for sure am intersex I do actually know my chromosomes now... but I didn't before. XY babies with my condition usually just die and those who do survive aren't intersex so I have to be XX since I made it to 30 without dying (I mean I tried real hard tho) without medical intervention. But if we're basing it on just XX or XY then you still have to put forth the effort of figuring out where you sort all the other possible configurations such as XY babies that look identical to XX babies and were often not caught until something was medically wrong with them that required a deeper look than just what was on the surface.

[nevertheless-moving]

Stormlight Archive AU Number 9, Words of Radiance

In an attempt to ruin the reputation of the only kholin with decent social standing, illai sadeas manufactures a rumor that adolin is fucking the new dark eyed slave captain of the guard.

Double social whammy for a) getting with someone filthy and beneath his station and b) dishonorably taking advantage of poor slave boy

At this point adolin and kaladin straight up don't like each other but the sideye can be read many ways and any attempts to discourage rumors only make them stronger. Brightlady Sadeas got 20 ex girlfriends swearing that adolin has a fetish for dark eyed men. She's got 40 different people prepared to take a vow that they walked in on the two together. The evidence is so compelling that adolin is starting to be convinced.

By the time the first assassin in white fight rolls around adolin's pretty much given up on denial and started trying to get bridgeboy to at least dress better. Bridgeboy is still fighting the accusations and wardrobe with the dignity and demeanor of a feral axecat.

Shallan rolls in, still very much desperate to make the causal happen. Ok. She can work with this.

Starts laying down hints like she can't entirely fault his taste, she just prefers her woman less grumpy. Oh, did I say women? Talks very dreamily about working under - working with Jasnah, how beautiful she was in the bath - (this is a shockingly easy lie. Pattern complains there's too much truth mixed in, whatever that means).

Adolin is somewhat left with the impression that Jasnah and her had a... dalliance, which wasn't quite Shallan's intent.

Adolin does not know what to do with this information.

He makes one solid, nearly successful effort to convince her that the rumors were manufactured, bridgeboy and him don't even like one another. Then the whitespine uncaged fight happens and people are like damn.

Kaladin out there discrediting anyone who thinks there's some unwillingness on his end while simultaneously raising the bar for boyfriends everywhere. You wish you had a man who would fight four SHARDBARERS unarmed for you.

Opinion around camp flips from 'nasty affair' to 'glorious warbond.' Sure it's with a jumped up darkeyes, but...

Alethi storming love a glorious warbond.

General opinion on the amaram boon thing was that it was a bungled attempt to get another set of shards

Adolin's Prison Solidarity is really the nail in the coffin. He figures he'll try and convince Shallan after they're married and he is decidedly still not sleeping with bridgeboy. Assuming that doesn't happen. Not that he wants it to! Though if Kaladin were interested, haha jk. Unless...

Adolin: He was really hot during the duel. And well, he has to at least like me, right? Why would he jump in the arena if he didn't like me even a little.

Renarin: It's all going to end...

Adolin: you know what, you're right! Life is too short for regrets! And shallan's practically given us her blessing! I should at the very least try, right?

Renarin: a storm is coming

Adolin: thanks Renarin, I'll talk with him after this expedition. There really is...something about him.

Then the expedition! It Does not go well! Adolin genuinely thinking he's cursed, watched two whole love interests plummet to their deaths. Next several days are Not Good.

Meanwhile in the chasms:

Shallan: I mean his pectorals are...I suppose you've seen them closer up than I have. Do you think you could describe them in better detail? Does his sweat taste different when it runs down his back as opposed to his chest?

Kaladin: this. This is hell, right? I'm in hell.

[ccscocoapuffs]

Amanda Young NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) The absolute sweetest, she loves to wrap up in your arms and cuddle. She makes sure that you know you're loved before anything and she wants to pamper you in all her love and kisses.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) Amanda loves her hands, after all she builds her traps with them and they helped her survive her test. She loves that they allow her to feel you and make you fall apart for her in the bedroom. She loves her partners eyes the most, she is someone who believes that someone's eyes tell you everything and that its the closest to a soul.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) Amanda loves to eat you out after you cum, she loves the way you taste and just can't get enough.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) She wants to run away with you, she feels such a connection with John because she feels like he saved her but deep down she knows the truth . She dreams of the day you two can go away someplace and live a happy life just the two of you.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) Amanda is decently experienced, she had a few flings in her college aged days however she has more experience with women more than men.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) Amanda likes 69 the best, she loves eating pussy. She loves that she can pull you closer to her face and hold you there till she's done making you cum.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) She's very serious during sex mostly because she wants it to be intimate and romantic, though she loves to see you smile during it.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) Amanda stays pretty well groomed, she trims it down it just stubble though the stubble is slightly darker than her normal hair.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) Amanda is very intimate, she loves to light candles for a little extra mood setting and making sure she does plenty of foreplay to get you fired up and ready for her.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) Amanda doesn't masturbate, she didn't have the time before and ow she has you so there isn't a point. She tends to relish in loneliness prior to you two dating so it was hard for her to get aroused anyway with no one around.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) Amanda is into some slight bondage she doesn't wanna do anything that can even come close to hurting you. She loves to use a strap on though and you use it on her as well. Overall she's a little vanilla but she is insanely intimate and loving with you.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do) At home in bed, it's the safest and most comforting place to her. She wants nothing more than to keep you protected even during sex.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) Her love for you to put it quite simply. She is so attracted to you and truly gives you all her heart, if you return to her the same energy she promises to absolutely rock your world ever night.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) Anything that involves you being around her work or being inside of a trap. She also wants to keep you as far away from Hoffman as she can.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) Amanda prefers giving, she loves pussy and knows how to eat it just right to make you squirt over and over on her face. She loves to finger you while she pays special attention to your clit.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) Amanda likes slow and sensual unless straps are involved then she likes to pick up the pace and wreck you. However if she's the sub she wants you to go and on her and rail her into the mattress.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) Amanda is more into quickie like teasing then actual quickies, she wants to make sure she gives you something to remember. While she wouldn't say no to one she definitely doesn't prefer them.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) Amanda is down to experiment and down to take some risks. She keeps it safe though, she definitely would try a knife or gun kink with you though the gun has to stay unloaded at all times and she'd never actually cut you.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) Amanda usually lasts about 2-3 rounds, she can actually be quite energetic in bed and that's why she tends to go for so long. She loves to make you cum at least twice before calling it quits though.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) Amanda owns a few toys, vibrator, dildo, and of course a strap on. Her favorite though is a clit sucking toy she owns that has a warming function.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) Amanda loves to tease, her favorite thing to do is sneak up behind you and kiss up and down your neck before attempting to suck a small hickey on you. She loves to finger you under tables too.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) Amanda is kinda loud, she tends to get really into things and loses all sense of volume control or care about who hears, if you wanna stay quiet you're gonna have to cover her mouth.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) Amanda loves body worship but she gets to flustered to give it likes she wants to.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) Amanda has a vagina obviously.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) Not very high until she truly gets to know you. When she falls head over heels in love with you she will start to be more frequent in wanting to fuck.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) Once you snuggle up to her and get under the blanket she starts to doze off. She feels safe and so warm with you that it just lures her right to sleep.

[icarus-star]

nsfw alphabet // marcus

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

sex usually tires him out, especially if it's nighttime or after a party. so he'd likely just wash the cum from the both of you and get some sleep. and of course, morning comes and you're waking up to him cutting some strawberries. oh lord.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

fem!reader: this man is THE thigh lover. he loves thighs. small, large, gap between or no gap between. he loves to squeeze them, bite them, kiss them (but not if you're a hookup, kisses are reserved for his partner). masc!reader: waist. mhm. he loves holding onto it when you're dancing with him and during sex, he grips them sooo roughly too. he just thinks it nice to hold onto (he also likes seeing it all soapy. he loves shower sex). gn!reader: your hips!! he loves them. kind of for all the same reasons as the last one, but he also just really likes the look of them.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

he usually pulls out and cums on your tummy. his cum is THICK, probably on the more clear side. cums on the strawberries.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

sigh, he wants you to eat the strawberries with his cum on them. you know it's true, i don't make the rules.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

very experienced. more with women than men, but he's had his fair share of both. he knows how to make you cum. nothing phenomenal, just kind of.. average?

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

hmm, probably doggy. he lovvves the view. slapping your ass is one of his favorite things to do, amd it's the perfect position to do so in. ohh god, he goes weak in the knees when you look back at him with needy eyes.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

not exactly. he says some dumb things sometimes, like, he's not super good with dirty talk but he still insists on saying stuff to you. sometimes he says stuff that makes you laugh a little.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

you already know the answer. he doesn't care to shave, but he's pretty clean.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

oh definitely. only if you're dating of course. he loves to take his time with you, definitely a rose petal guy. maybe a bubble bath together, some candles lit up around you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

no. if he's horny, he'll just go out to a club, find someone who wants him (he's way too confident).

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

spanking. he's love loves spanking you! very very light breath play, just having his hand around your neck while he pounds into you. maybe light bondage, having your hands restrained with a ribbon.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

bedroom. but he'd be down to fuck you on the kitchen counter, having you bent over the cold counter. he also wouldn't be opposed to fucking you in a club bathroom.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

simple, seeing you naked, dancing provocatively at a club, or seeing you in fancy lingerie.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

anal on himself. he's okay with fucking you in the ass, but he doesn't want to be the one getting fucked. and going with that, he also doesn't like being submissive.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

he lovvves being given blowjobs. especially when your spit bubbles mix with his precum and drip everywhere. fem!reader: he loves when you sit on his face. he laps at your cunt like he's been starved half to death, and he grabs your thighs to make sure that you stay still for him. though he does like when you squirm. masc!reader: sloppy sloppy. he really, i mean really sucks it. he barely gags, but he gets his spit all over you. definitely an ass grabber, he squeezes it the whole time.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

he likes a good mix. he likes fucking you real fast and hard, but also kind of gentle. it really all depends on the day.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

sure. you wanna get something out quickly before you head off to work? he's gonna fuck you nice and quick.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

why not. he likes to cum inside, and he'd be down to fuck you somewhere semi-public.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

probably 2.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

yes!! he loves to use toys on you. testing out different sized dildos, vibrator settings, butt plugs. his favorite to use while fucking you are nipple clamps! maybe he'd wear a cockring too.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

he's not really a tease. he actually prefers to make you cum too many times. though if you wanted him to edge you, he absolutely would.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

not super loud. he lets out little grunts and moans, and of course some dirty talk. you would have to make him feel really good to get him to be loud.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

he's definitely taken part in a threesome. i don't know, man, he definitely has though.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

...4 inches soft, 5.8 hard. tip color:

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

easy 8.3/10

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

pretty fast if it's night time, he gets tired easily if he's cum enough.

[oneatlatime]

Zuko Alone

I'm hoping for some Appa this episode. It's been too long since he's gotten any good sight gags.

Zuko is cosplaying Clint Eastwood. He's also back to being stupid pale this episode.

You know it's a good thing that Zuko's not in the Fire Nation anymore because he really would have sucked at being Fire Nation. Robbing pregnant women is probably kindergarden level stuff for them.

How is Zuko in such bad shape? Last time we saw him he had a cave full of spoils robbed from rich people. Did he not bother to pack at least some of that stuff? Actually, not thinking far enough ahead to pack would be pretty in character.

Oof that would rub me the wrong way. Not enough money for a meal, but sure, let's use totally edible eggs as ammo.

Where'd the egg go?

Who is the scarred up hat wearing vampire and what happened to the real Zuko? Imposter Zuko just elected to not be provoked into a fight. Real Zuko would already be setting things on fire.

Just a bunch of thugs. Yep. It's consistently awesome how many of the facets of war this show can cover.

Imposter Zuko and Song's horse bird just got kidnapped. Did not see that coming.

Zuko kind of has arm bandages like Sokka has this episode. Also love the character detail that the boy has scraped knees.

Is the kid's dad the same guy as the man at the store? Or maybe this is a one haircut town?

So the guy who was near to fainting off his horse bird this morning is now turning down freely offered food? Could Zuko please shelve his pride for five minutes? Kudos to the mom for accurately reading his distaste for charity and turning it into a request for aid though. Although covering for the boy's egg trick is worth at least a meal.

Tangent!

I don't get Zuko. How can he still have so much pride when he's wearing rags and starving himself to feed Song's horse bird? I'm quite shameless when it comes to accepting help and I've never, ever been able to understand the whole 'too proud to accept charity' mindset. I'm always up for some charity. I have enough manners to offer to do the dishes after, but if you're offering free food I'm eating it. And I've never been in a situation as desperate as Zuko's. So I don't get this.

ok tangent over.

Peak rich kid behaviour. I hope those nails aren't expensive otherwise Zuko doing work for food might end up with this family out of pocket.

Is the wood grain on this ladder an actual photograph of wood grain?

Zuko has more patience this episode than he had for all of season 1 combined. He's also never gone this long without yelling. Either proximity to young children activates Zuko's otherwise mostly slumbering decency, or to fit him into a Fistful of Dollars homage the writers had to make him out of character.

If I had been in this situation when I was a kid, if I had been a) this visibly bored, and b) this nosy around guests, I would have been given a hammer and a bag of nails in three seconds flat. Also, nice to see a Sokka face from Zuko.

I get that 'a man without a past' is a staple of the cowboy genre, but the boy's father bringing up the privacy of the past twice in like two minutes makes me think he's done stuff he doesn't want to talk about. Seems both the parents have read Zuko right though.

Finally! Some pretty! I have been suffering! This may be the first really good pretty all season!

Bad news for the Appa decor on my blog. He may have been supplanted in my affections.

Two things: first, Zuko is a carbon copy of his mom. Second, That is way too much forehead.

Having Zuko's mom introduce herself by talking about the lengths mothers will go to for their children is not giving me foreshadowing anxiety at all.

Azula's been a bitch since birth. Noted.

Sir, your eyebrows. Also, yeah, I wouldn't want to play with her either.

Yikes this is making my teeth itch and my skin crawl. Calling it now, she's rotten to the core.

Zuko and Azula's dad has some weak ass genes. BOTH of his children are carbon copies of their mom.

Also, I was not expecting Zuko's very stupid ponytail to be a pre-scar thing. It is much better with a full head of hair.

If I had spent my childhood hanging out with an untouchable princess who set things on my head on fire for fun whenever I involuntarily displayed emotion, I'd be gloomy and apathetic in self defense too.

Sokka in this episode in spirit, if not in person.

Seriously that's the same face three times over!

Um, no? If Iroh doesn't make it back from the front, doesn't his son become next in line to be Firelord?

Can you hear all the unspoken "father thinks that" and "father says that" in front of every one of Azula's opinions in this whole scene? I stand by my assertion that she's awful anyways, but she's also obviously drunk much too much of her dad's koolaid, if you know what I mean.

This kid is going to get into so much trouble one of these days. Provoking the soldiers, nagging the mysterious stranger with the mysterious past, and now taking his weapons? Kid's sweet but he really needs to learn when to stop pushing his luck.

Stabbing dead, dried wood sounds like a great way to utterly annihilate the edge on those. Hope Zuko packed a whetstone.

Where is this patience coming from? I don't understand and it's BUGGING me.

Hold on. Technical problems.

My very basic DVD player sometimes has difficulty with these disks. Whatever happened between the above two screenshots, I've missed it. So picking back up from the one on the right...

Either these soldiers are impressively cowardly (which, yeah) or Zuko's really been working on his death glare, because they've got him outnumbered and out-armoured and they still back off.

OH it's parallels! Zuko's cousin and the boy's older brother. Got it. Kind of a false parallel though. Grandson of the Firelord does not equal earth kingdom conscript.

Give the demonstrably impulsive and nosy child a knife. That'll work out just fine I'm sure. Pretty sad the kid glommed on to Zuko so quickly, but it's also yet another realistic representation of the consequences of war. This show's good.

*shudders* theatre kids.

She's tiny! Do you know how darkly humourous it is to watch a two foot tall baby spout her father's murderous nonsense? Once again, in this whole scene, not a word out of Azula's mouth is actually Azula's.

"What is wrong with that child?" Apart from budding homicidal and psychopathic tendencies? Her dad. Her dad is what's wrong with that child.

Their dad has no subtlety at all. And also no brain? You think a day after the firelord finds out one of his family died is the right time to very boorishly make a play for the crown with you daughter as a prop? Could you possibly come up with a better demonstration of why this guy shouldn't be in charge?

How did this asshole land such a nice wife?

Yep. Siding with the old firelord on this one.

Does flashback Zuko sleep in his day clothes? Because that's not ok.

I like that their mom sees straight through Azula's lying here. She knows her daughter.

In a move that should surprise no one, everything Zuko touches turns to shit, as usual.

It's the Mexico filter!

Absolute truth from Zuko in that monologue. He's got them pegged. Too bad it fell on deaf ears. It's Zuko's curse, that whenever he approaches being remotely reasonable, he happens to be surrounded by people who will react in such a way that Zuko learns to equate being reasonable with failure.

An earthbender. The bare feet should have clued me in.

Last season Zuko and Iroh laid waste to like ten of these guys. And Iroh didn't even have pants. So what gives? Is he that starved?

Ursa pulling a Mufasa.

Don't answer don't answer don't answer

And he does.

Zuko is so very good at completely misinterpreting the point.

So we can add thief to the list of things that make Azula awful. Also that delivery of "who's going to make me? Mom?" is chilling. Zuko's lost his only defender inside this atrocious family and she knows it, he knows it, hell the turtleducks probably know it.

His dying wish? You guys buying that?

Ozai. That's his name. I'd forgotten that.

So... something something dead firelord something something missing mom something something maybe Azula wasn't actually lying this time?

Final Thoughts

The title wasn't kidding. Let's rename the show 'Avatar: the Guy who's Really Bad at Capturing Him' while we're at it.

There is now no way whatsoever that Zuko is not going to be redeemed. No writing team would invest that much energy and a whole episode into a character we're not ultimately supposed to root for. So somehow he's going to end up joining the Gaang. Don't know how he'll pull that one off. He's done some pretty not great stuff. And it's not like the Gaang watched this episode and unlocked his tragic backstory.

Speaking of, what prompted these reflections? I could understand if Zuko started to contemplate his cousin and the events surrounding his loss in the war after he learned about the family's older brother, but he was having flashbacks before he even got to town. Usually when there are backstory bits, there's a good reason to show them at that time, like how the Storm prompts Aang to think about the last storm he was in, or seeing a boat from his father's fleet prompts Sokka to remember what his dad told him. So what caused Zuko's memories to give him situationally appropriate flashbacks?

Pretty funny that he found the Nice Earth Kingdom Family that Azula predicted for him. And they are really nice! Either Zuko is an open book or the parents' social intelligence is off the charts because they're giving him exactly what he needs to feel at ease after barely a single conversation.

Speaking of Azula, I'm not surprised to find that she's always had deeply awful tendencies, even as a child of (I'm guessing) less than ten. But it cannot be ignored that, from the moment her father took a liking to her (as a tool to boost his own greatness, if not as a person), she didn't stand a chance. You can tell by the number of times that the stuff coming out of her mouth is a thinly veiled repetition of her father's unfiltered opinions, that she's been spending lots of time listening to him, probably while he puts down her mom and brother and talks about how she's the special one. You know what I'm getting at. Azula never stood a chance once her father got involved, and her mom lost the ability to influence her once her father started giving Azula praise for objectively wrong behaviour. That being said, Azula is awful even when she doesn't need to be awful for her father's approval, like when she's with her friends, so it's not all her father's doing. She's not a good person but she also had plenty of help to become that.

I guess Zuko and his mom are Fire Nation anomalies? And maybe Iroh has become that since his son died and he lost the war?

How on earth did Zuko survive as long as he did in the palace without his mom to protect him? What a no-win situation to be in. The only person in a whole nation with empathy.

This episode does makes Season 1 Zuko make more sense. He's been larping his dad as a defense mechanism for surviving the Fire Nation/probably a very futile effort to earn his approval. Although Zuko doesn't seem to care much for his dad if the tone he takes with him by the turtleduck pond is any indication.

Being banished was the best thing that ever happened to Zuko. The more distance between him and his remaining non-uncle family, the better. Between prioritizing his crew over capturing the avatar in the Storm, releasing the Avatar in the Blue Spirit, and now defending a random earth kingdom child this episode, it's hilarious how much Zuko HASN'T learned the lesson that Ozai banished him for not knowing. Don't get me wrong; that's a good thing. This episode plainly shows that behaviour that pleases Ozai is behaviour that should be unlearned as quickly as possible.

Zuko completely missing the point of his mom's last instruction is delightfully on the nose. But it also makes sense, which I may talk more about later.

How did Zuko hold on to his temper (and his volume) for a whole episode?

How did a show named after the main character get away with an episode that doesn't feature him at all? As a concept, this is such a strange episode. The writers were like "how can we kick start the woobification of Zuko? I know! A Spaghetti Western!" and it worked. Who comes up with that?

I now want at least as much, if not more, of Sokka and Katara's childhood via flashbacks. And more Gyatso please. If they can devote a whole episode to the childhood of a guy who isn't even a team member yet, they can show me some Sokka childhood shenanigans as a palette cleanser.

I really don't know what conclusion to draw about this episode. The writers have given me a massive backstory/trauma dump and I'm honestly like:

[neuroprincess]

Maura Isles - NSFW Alphabet

Word count: +1800

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) 

Maura is very attentive and affectionate, especially after sex, she wants to make sure all your needs are met and before hers. She would probably convince you to take a relaxing bath together, then prepare something light to eat and bring water to the bedroom, giving a speech about the benefits of hydration. At the beginning of the relationship she asks if you want it, then just takes over the care;

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) 

On herself, hands and hips. Hands because they are elegant and skillful, at work and at making you come in minutes, it's a beautiful sight to see the fingers entering you while the palm caresses the clit. Hips because this woman looks fantastic in clothes that are tight all around and she knows that;

Her favorite part on you is for sure the neck, it's warm, soft and smells good. Perfect for kissing, where she leaves marks declaring who you belong to and also where she sinks her face as you make gentle love, exhaling the natural scent, completely absorbed in the sensation. Also where she hides the face while receiving a cuddle, it's a sweet spot she's completely addicted to;

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) 

The blonde doesn't make much of a mess but doesn't mind if you do, in fact it's something to be proud of when you're a complete hot mess in the sheets. After the act she catches your cum with fingers and makes you taste yourself while she attentively watches, green eyes clouded with lust;

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) 

Well, she has the desire to fuck you in a (semi)public place, testing the emotions and adrenaline of the possibility of being caught by someone is interesting, something she wants to experience one day and has the perfect place for it, her office. The image of you leaning over the desk is a sin that occupies that genius mind with some frequency;

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) 

Experienced with men, not so much with women, but she is very open to learning and honest about what she knows, what has done and what is willing to learn, eager to please. Lucky for you she is a great learner;

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) 

The classic good Missionary, Maura loves the intimacy and closeness of this position, bonus if one of you is wearing a strap-on so you can touch each other freely. Side by Side on soft days, her long slender fingers trailing down your body as her shapely thigh is pressed against pussy. And she loves Cowgirl, whether it's with you riding her fingers or cock, hips thrusting hard, hands squeezing your waist and a lot of eye contact, which the doctor appreciates very much;

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) 

Both. If she's drunk or being provocative she will be more humorous than usual as you fuck rudely. If she is jealous or making love she will be serious;

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) 

Have no doubt, she is very romantic. Especially while she's being soft, there are lots of sweet words whispered while her hands caress your skin, tickling the most sensitive spots, lingering kisses left on neck and temple. So yes, Isles is romantic and loves intimacy, except on days when she's being rough, in which case, it's the opposite;

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) 

She has never had a problem talking about masturbation, it's something natural and that she openly practices, not much different when you start dating, just less often. She encourages you to do the same, knowing your own body is essential and beneficial, including for sexual life as a couple;

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) 

Role play, she loves dressing up accordingly and playing a role between four walls, from the silliest to recreating some book/movie scene, it's sensually fun;

Praise, she's very subtle about this and it might be one of the only things that makes her shy to admit, but Maura loves to be praised during sex, she needs words of affirmation and to know that is making you feel good. She also likes to praise her partner, it's a two-way street;

Marking, loves to be marked and to mark, in both cases in places that only you can see, it simply makes her ecstatic to know that you carry her love marks under clothes. And she may or may not give you a necklace with an M pendant, just to reinforce it;

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Despite the fantasy of one day having semi-public sex / in her office, the truth is that Maura prefers the comfort and privacy of home when it's time for intimacy, however this doesn't mean that you are restricted to the bedroom, she certainly proposes to baptize every room in the house, kitchen, lounge, bathrooms, even the yoga room. When buying new furniture, the rule is the same; 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) 

Seeing you focused on something makes her turn on almost immediately, maybe it's the frowning lips, eyes fixed or how cute you can look listening to her attentively while the doctor rambles about random things. Clothes too, the more provocative and transparent the better, because this woman won't even wait for you to get home to take you in her arms. You speaking another language. She disagrees, but touches on her hips also make her very excited;

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) 

Choking, she would never put her hand on you like that and no matter how knowledgeable enough to make it a safe practice would never put you in a risky situation, it's a big no;

Heavy degradation, give or receive. Even though she is a tease and uses some dirty words, she doesn't like to degrade, humiliate or things like that. If you're into it, maybe she'll call you Slut or Whore, still going to sound affectionate;

Knife and Blood play, there's not much to explain with this, the blonde just hates the idea and would never do it;

There's not much she won't try besides that, anything else she'll be willing to try at least once in life;

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) 

Receiving, just the sight of having you between her legs makes her melt completely, fingers laced in your hair as she encourages you to continue. Being a total switch she also likes to give, your moans are music and make her go even deeper inside you, Maura is very skilled, she can get you through heaven and hell in seconds;

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) 

In general, slow and sensual, whispering kind things and kissing your skin while bringing you to climax. Especially if it's morning sex, so gentle and full of giggles. At other times, like when she's jealous or having a bad day, she prefers it fast and rough, sometimes feeling a little guilty for taking it out on you, but still a sexy sight;

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) 

It's not her favorite, but ends up becoming something habitual because of work, often you are interrupted in the middle of the act by a call from the department, after hanging up Maura bets on how many minutes she can make you come or you can make her come;

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) 

She likes some risks, but only calculated ones. And is willing to try almost anything, as long as you both agree and are comfortable with it;

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) 

If it's a tiring day, maximum two rounds and it will be slow. Other days Maura can take you all night, she has the physical preparation and resistance for such thing, in this case it can be several quick rounds without stopping or a few that are long and make you feel the most special person in the world;

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) 

She definitely owns toys, for herself and for you. Vibrators, aphrodisiacs, vibrating panties (which she's sure to make you wear at some event) and strap-ons of different sizes, the last one to be used more on you than on her, maybe it's the possibility of touching you freely that makes it the blonde's favorite. There's also handcuffs and blindfolds, sensory deprivation sounds interesting because that way you have no idea what's the next thing she's going to do or use;

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) 

Maura is a great tease as mentioned earlier, there's a lot of shameless flirting, insinuations, fingers caressing the skin in sensitive spots and passionate kisses, just to leave you squirming yearning for her and not giving what you want so much. And when the game is reversed? She tries to enter and loses miserably, not knowing how to deal with the painful tingling in her belly, at the first opportunity she will take you back home and make you pay for it;

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) 

She isn't very loud, her moans are soft and almost sound like whispers in the air, on the other hand she loves to talk and can be very vocal, be it compliments, affectionate nicknames or even curious facts that she remembers, like about the creation of vibrators while you use one. And she doesn't care if you are loud, when the doctor makes you scream/whimper at some point it will make her more turned on and convinced;

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) 

Maura has already found herself imagining how it would be to watch somebody else fucking you, she is a very open person and maybe enjoys a threesome, with a man or a woman, it doesn't matter to her. Not pure images of someone taking you to new limits while she just watches or makes you cross those new limits… and she kind of imagined Jane being that person;

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) 

Above average, at least three times a week and, if possible, every weekend. If your desire isn't as high or you're just not into it, Maura will certainly respect that;

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) 

Waits for you to go to sleep first after meeting all the needs of both, only then she'll fall asleep while watching you lovingly. On a particularly tiring day she'll fall asleep quickly, especially if you wrap her in your arms and kiss the blonde hair, letting her use your boobs as a pillow, arms around the waist, listening to your hearts go in sync.

taglist: @inlovewithmiddleagewomen @geekyandgay98 @missdowling @loudchaoscoffee @unexpected-character @multifandomlesbianic

Join my taglist here ^^

[stromuprisahat]

I never understood why genya staying there was in any way necessary though. Surely extraordinarily beautiful Grisha would have no problem on catching the eye of this one drunken foolish king. He could have easily removed Genya from there (in his own words he could have sent her away) and then sent some other grisha to seduce him/act as a spy. Or sent multiple to see whoever manages to catch his eye. Of all the problems they had, a lack of beautiful women was not one. Yes he gave her a choice, but she was so young and she wanted to impress him, not to mention revenge is a tempting offer. Her suffering was entirely unnecessary.

The problem lies in the King's preferences.

If he only wanted "extraordinarily beautiful" woman, I'm certain there are some among the usual classes, from which monarchs pick their mistresses. The fact he didn't feel the need to make even Genya official also speaks for itself.

This king doesn't want a willing woman, but helpless servant, who cannot possibly say no without repercussions.

He didn't want a sexual partner, but a victim.

Genya's also surprising, because she was a part of the Queen's household. Alexander III/Pyotr obviously doesn't mind crossing his wife, Fjerdan princess. If their royal family still had strong ties to her, Tatiana could cause decent trouble for being humiliated in such a way. Unfortunately at that point she also managed to cuckold him pretty publicly, so he decided it's worth the risk.

Seduction would be too obvious even for an idiot like A3/P. Besides, he despises Grisha. Either Genya truly caught his eye so well, he didn't mind he's sticking it into "a witch", or he went after her intentionally in retaliation for Tatiana's affair. There should also be a very good reason for presence of your hypothetical Grisha spy. Genya's obvious, but since there are no other Tailors, I can't think of anything that wouldn't be painfully evident. This generation of royal family bears no love for Grisha.

Genya's extraction would never be easy. Once she became the King's new favourite toy, nothing short of her death (true or staged) could get her out. Hell, even as the Queen's property, only the King could simply send her away.

From your wording, I assume you mind Genya's continued presence. For that I'd say she was already raped. That cannot be undone. Her age isn't specified, but she was maturing before the King approached her, so she was no child, especially once the deed was done. She didn't only have a choice to impress/avenge, as you're writing, but to regain as much control over her fate as she could. Not to mention in S&B, she's aware there are others like her among the servants. Why does it never occur to anyone she might not want to let more girls go through what she already did?!

I know current society likes to babify teenagers, but this is pseudo-historical setting, when teen's more likely to be expected to assume a role of an adult, than stay a child until they're in their twenties. Hell, they're drafted at sixteen. If she can decide to get herself killed, she can decide to make the fucker suffer.

[the-entity-down-the-street]

"Splice" is a better Frankenstein adaptation than "Poor Things" because:

SPOILERS FOR BOTH FILMS

A) the mad scientists face consequences for their unethical genetic fuckery instead of dying peacefully. Elsa is left traumatized, with her loved ones dead as a result of this experiment. Sure, she's getting a lot of money, but that's not going to undo the mental scars that will no doubt haunt her to the grave.

B) The female monster is actually fucking monstrous. Dren does have some typically attractive traits like symmetrical features, smooth skin, etc, but still. If you're going to make an abomination against science, MAKE THE ABOMINATION. Don't give me some pretty girl in a frilly dress and call that a monster, okay? Cowards.

C) They don't frame the dubious consent/noncon as liberating. Elsa is disgusted with Clive for sleeping with Dren, and when Dren assaults Elsa in her male form, it's a traumatic experience. Bella's assaults (because that's what they are. She has the mind of a literal toddler. I don't care if she is enthusastic about it if she doesn't have the cognitive capacity to understand what's happening.) are framed as sexual liberation and it makes me want to hurl a chair at somebody. Calling sex "furious jumping" because she's not mature enough to fully understand sex. The fact that her fiancé wants to marry her when she's a fucking toddler. Gross. Disgusting. I hate it.

D) Splice is a true gender swap of the Frankenstein narrative, because both the scientist and the creature are female. Clive helps, but let's be real, Elsa is pulling the strings and convincing him to go along with it. Splice doesn't claim to be a feminist retelling like Poor Things does, but it's more narratively driven by women who are allowed moral complexity and agency. There's no bullshit girlboss moment either (the goat brain swap).

E) This one is just a personal gripe, but the whole "bringing back a dead woman with the brain of an infant she was forced to carry" thing? And somehow, this is a feminist retelling? Hate. Get it away from me. Not saying Dren was created ethically (Clive didn't even have fully informed consent because he didn't know it was Elsa's DNA), but goddamn, at least the mother of the child had agency in the child's creation. There is absolutely nothing feminist about using an unwilling woman's body as a vessel for the baby she didn't want. What in the pro-life bullshit is this? Ew. Ew. Ew.

Rant over. Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.

[doberbutts]

To those wondering what I'm talking about re: Harvestella... these are some of the many comments on various articles regarding the game and specifically the interview that announced the non-binary OPTION (meaning if you don't want to be nb you simply don't select it- literally all it does is give you they/them pronouns instead of she/her and he/him).

And this image from Squeenix's official twitter:

Which is the "absolutely terrible" character customization screen that people are complaining about. Pronouns, body type, skin color, hair color, eye color. Less customization than some, more than others. Your clothes change with your job. Pretty sure the models are exactly the same, just one has [small] boobs and an updo and the other has no boobs and a side ponytail.

Reactions from Gamer Bros vary from your typical shitty trans/nbphobic "mental illness" and "doesn't exist" comments all the way for advocating for genocide of Japan and BOTH antiblack AND anti-Japanese slurs at the same time (that one thankfully downvoted by everyone).

But what gets me the most is the reaction to the male body type. He's fairly androgynous and maybe even a bit pear-shaped- it's hard to tell with the way the clothes flare around his waist. But it's "this guy doesn't look like a man" and "I'm being forced to play as someone I don't look like" which is interesting to me because A: I know men who look like that and

B: I've literally always been forced to play as someone I don't look like, it's VERY RARE that I as a black person can find the correct skin tone, correct hair texture, AND correct facial features in a character customization screen. They are always too dark or too light, with european hair textures, and euro or asian facial features... OR the facial features are just shy of exaggerated characiture (looking at you, Skyrim) and thus playing as such is not a fun experience. And that's JUST my reality of being black, not even mentioning gender or disability.

I don't look like Geralt. I don't look like Aloy. I never have. I never will. I have ALWAYS been forced to play as someone I don't look like. Even when I supposed to make this character *me*. Even when it comes close, it still misses the mark. Even this game does- I don't look like that and my hair would never do that and my face will never be that asian-beauty-standard prettyboy look. I can have my skin tone, that's it.

Gamer Bros really are the weakest link, they think if something doesn't pander immediately and directly to them that it's garbage. As if there aren't thousands of people exactly like me who have yet to see themselves in a game, who've been gaming since they were old enough to hold a controller. How many women out there grew up forced to play male characters while being told "the mc is supposed to be YOU :)" until game companies remembered girls exist too? How many companies STILL do this?

You will not die because in this one offshoot Final Fantasy Farming games you're forced to choose between a twink and a high femme, I promise.

[misshorrormovies]

✨I double-dare you to do NSFW Chishiya Headcannon ABCs 😉

yesss!!!

Chishiya NSFW headcannons

warnings: smut, minors dni please, Chishiya being a bit of a softie.

this is NOT proofread

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A - Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I believe that Chishiya isn’t one to be clingy or too affectionate, but, if you're his s/o not just a one-night stand, he's gonna make sure you're okay, clean you up or run you a bath and then cuddle you to sleep.

B - Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite part of his body is probably his hands. He just adores how hard you can cum only by him fingering you.

About you, he thinks you're perfect in every way possible, he loves every part of your body, but if it is for him to choose, he'll probably choose your thighs. The way they shake around his head when you are close to cuming, with his fingers deep inside you and tongue circling your overstimulated clit.

C - Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Chishiya doesn't like making a mess, so probably he'll cum in your mouth or inside you and clean you up after.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

In borderlands, he finished a game pretty late and he was expecting you to be asleep. But instead, when he was about to open the door to your shared room, he heard you moaning. Moaning his name. He figured out you were pleasuring yourself. He waited till you finished and then entered the room. Since then he kept thinking about it and every time he does, oh boy he gets hard.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

I don't think he slept with many women but he's most certainly not a virgin, I mean let's be honest, who wouldn't want to sleep with him? Also, since he's a doctor I like to believe he can find your sweet spots easily.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Depends. If he wants to be a bit rough or more he'll probably go doggy style. If it is to be more romantic and sensual, he'll go with missionary. He wants to see the faces you make when he makes you feel good.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Definitely serious. Yes, he will smirk at you and tease you if you're too needy but he won't joke or laugh or anything.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He won't let the hairs grow if you don't like it but he also won't shave once a week or something like that.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

if you want him to be more romantic he will try to be. If you want him to be rough he will be rough. But I also just know he will be more caring and touchy during sex. Not too clingy tho. (maybe at aftercare but again not too much).

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He only jacks off if he gets hard and doesn't want to bother you so he goes to his room or bathroom and relieves himself. He wants sex with you to be more romantic, not just a good fuck.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

His bedroom or yours. He doesn't want to get bothered while having sex or have someone bursting in.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Mostly seeing you in that hot red bikini. Or when you get too needy and start to beg him to fuck you (even tho he plays the tough one).

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Public sex, weird kinks (ex. piss kink), something that will hurt you, something non-consent, something that will make uncomfortable (or him but you're more important to him).

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Definitely likes to receive but doesn't mind giving. He actually loves seeing you fall apart from his tongue or fingers.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He knows what he's capable of and probably won't do some stupid shit but again if you want to try something new...

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

It depends on his mood. If he's tired from a game he'll last maximum 2 rounds. If he's more energetic maximum 3 but not more. Maybe after a break.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He doesn't own any toys. But if you do he will probably use them to tease you and won't let you cum on them.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He does like to tease. Also if he sees you more needy than usual oh boy. If he's needy too (tho he won't admit it) he will just get into it.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Chishiya isn’t really vocal, he is more into hearing your moans but he will escape a grunt now and then especially when he's close.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He is so protective in games and will totally panic if he doesn't see you around anymore (he won't admit it).

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He is a good 7 incher and you cannot change my mind.

Not too high.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Chishiya will wait for you to fall asleep first, he will tug you in all night, cuddle you and spoon you, and hold you close.

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a/n: Alrightyyy, I'm done, I hope you like it I really tried to make it good enough! <3

[xiaq]

Why do feelings have to be so confusing???

I’ve never been super into labels, but if I had to choose I probably would have gone with aroace. I kind of figured I wouldn’t ever find someone I wanted to be in a relationship with and that was fine.

But now I’m 30 and somehow in a relationship for the very first time with this person that I love so much. And it’s wonderful and amazing in so many ways, but I also feel so crazy with it??

I feel like a teenager with their first crush but also too old for that and it’s like I don’t know how to trust myself in this because I’ve never felt anything close to this before.

Feeling romantic and sexual attraction for the first time there’s a part of me that’s like how has everyone been living like this the whole time??? It still doesn’t feel like it should be real somehow, even though I’m now experiencing it firsthand.

Anyway I don’t know exactly where I’m going with this, but if you either advice or even just stories to make me feel a little less ridiculous, I’d love to hear them!

I think it's really REALLY important to remember that socially reinforced ideas of normalcy when it comes to exploring sexuality are not, actually, normal. A. Because people are people and what works for one person doesn't work for others. While there's obviously going to be a bell curve on the graph of "when do people typically sort out who they want to kiss (or not kiss) and start doing that" there is going to be a steady, not insignificant, number of folks that are on the upward and downward swing of that bell curve before you even get to the far outliers, and that's to be expected. B. Traditionally accepted timelines for building a sense of sexual identity don't apply anymore. The average age for (first) marriage is creeping back each year. In the US in 1900 it was 26 for men and 22 for women. Now it's 29 and 27 respectively. Women, especially, don't have nearly the pressure placed upon them that they used to to quickly find someone who will take care of them seeing as we can now open bank accounts and own property and work for (mostly) equal pay and all that jazz. So there's that to consider.

But also. Humans, human bodies, are never stagnant. You might have heard the fun factoid that all our cells are replaced every 7 years. That's not entirely accurate, but it's true that the body does regenerate skin and bone and liver and stomach, and so on, cells at a kind of mind-boggling rate. There are things that we're born with that don't change like some of the neurons in our cerebral cortex, I think, but as a species we are generally made to adapt to new experiences and environments so much so that our bodies are in a constant state of change themselves. You're just...doing what you're built to do. Something new has happened and you're adapting to it.

And yes, it can be scary and make you feel very vulnerable when you don't have historical relationship or sex-related context like other people your age might have, but that's when you get to lean on friends and/or talk to your therapist to make sure you're approaching things in a healthy way, there aren't red flags you're missing, etc. Because humans are also pack animals and we thrive in communities in which we can share each others burdens and wisdom.

As someone who also had built what I thought was a pretty clear assessment of my romantic and sexual identity over 29 years, only to have it challenged and rebuilt at 30, I fully empathize with the way you feel. But I leaned into the feelings of confusion (and frankly, giddiness, at times). Who says teenagers are the only ones that get to experience first crushes? Who says 30 is too old for self-discovery? You get to decide how you interact with the world. Who cares what other people are doing if what you're doing makes you happy and hurts no one.

[wisehearts]

i dont understand the idea of service during sex that i've seen a lot in byler fan spaces. it seems to be about someone preferring to pleasure their partner over pleasuring themselves, or perhaps actually getting their pleasure from seeing their partner receiving it? but isnt that just normal healthy sex lol

the only alternative i can think of is someone who only has sex for themselves and basically uses their partner's body as a masturbation tool (something that a lot of douchebag men do unfortunately) which ofc is not an ideal scenario you would write for your fictional favs. i guess there could also be two people who are having sex and enjoying it, but still mainly in it for their own pleasure? but surely it's not possible to connect with someone during sex at all unless you keep their pleasure in mind anyway? hope you can help

hey! you're absolutely correct that it sounds like normal healthy sex (that's why I like exploring it!), I'd say "getting pleasure from seeing their partner receive it" is the meat of what a service top/partner is - so no need to worry about the alternative you mentioned! Some people think it means submissive but it really doesn't necessarily, at least from how I've interacted with it in life. and there's no 100% concrete definition, but it's less the general mutual "oh I'm making them feel good, we make each other feel good" of sex and more they actually get off on what they can do for their partner and don't necessarily expect the same thing back and are still just as fulfilled.

I like it for mike atm, but I see resistance for the role in general sometimes and I think there are two other things people can consider to help get a better understanding of why it's a totally valid and fun way to enjoy sex:

people's quite limited view of sex, whether due to inexperience or lack of knowledge

the belief that a partner can only experience their personal maximum pleasure from being the receiver is pretty basic. everyone has different likes, kinks, boundaries etc that to others might be a total turn off, there isn't one way to achieve full pleasure is my point! a simple example of some different forms of pleasure might be women who like to be held down vs a dominatrix, does that make sense? hopefully!

sex and love are not transactional

some people would genuinely think (and I've seen this) character A wouldn't be satisfied in life, or it's "unfair" if they don't also get fucked to completion, or fucked the same way they did character B, when it's simply not the only way to enjoy sex (this doesn't apply to eg. someone who finishes and then the sex is just over they don't bother helping their partner out 🍅 not what I'm talking about here). No one is cared for less (in fiction especially) just because one partner wasn't fucked the same way they did to the other, it's about sexual compatibility

so those points in relation to byler - for me! - are why I like mike getting off on will's reactions, the fact his body can please someone, body worship, praise kink vibes because will has no issue babbling praise since he genuinely feels amazing lmfao, getting overwhelmed and faltering, or rougher because he's trying so so hard and it excites him to see his best friend fall apart, to name a few :)

there's also the fact unless you really enjoy your preference in life, sex isn't the same every single time so there's degrees of the dynamic depending on the mood/scenario/horny levels - at least when I write!

tl;dr: service top/partner definition is pretty similar to how you'd view standard sex but the difference is that they don't operate with their own pleasure in mind as much/they get off on pleasuring

Hope this helped and didn't just confuse you more 😅❣️

[tomwambsmilk]

“Does Shiv love Tom” is such a tired question but on the same kind of topic, how attracted to Tom do we think Shiv is?

Well that's the hundred-million-dollar question, isn't it? Even more so than "does shiv love tom", which is sort of interesting in the sense that it forces you to consider different experiences and expressions of love, and then stops being interesting as soon as you encounter the people who answer it with a definitive and misguided 'no' (or worse - 'she's an emotional abuser').

Obviously I have to acknowledge the lesbian shiv truthers out there. I'm not one of them, and we'll get to why in a second, but I absolutely understand that school of thought and I think it's very valid; while I don't think it's the intended interpretation I think there's enough in canon to make it plausible. And if you're part of the 'repressed lesbian shiv' school of thought, then the obvious answer is 'no, but this doesn't mean she doesn't love him'.

Personally, I think Shiv was intentionally written as being attracted to men, mainly because I think there's a pretty clear attraction between her and Nate. At the beginning of season 1, Shiv and Tom aren't regularly having sex (hence why he tells her pussy that he misses it - aside from being a peak cringe moment that's actually giving us some critical information about the state of the relationship). Obviously, a lot of things could be responsible for this - they could just be too busy (which looks like it's partially true), or Shiv could just have a low sex drive.

However - there is obvious chemistry between her and Nate that doesn't seem to exist between her and Tom. I'm saying this as someone who loathes Nate with every fibre of my being. I do not like him. I do not ship shivn*te. In fact, it's maybe the only succession ship that actively makes my skin crawl. But. Both 1.06 and 1.07 actively juxtapose Shiv's interactions with Tom and Nate against each other, and I think those juxtapositions make it clear that Shiv has a lot more sexual desire for Nate than she does for Tom.

I think this is especially highlighted in the fact that all of the scenes where she and Tom start to have sex are either a) moments of very intense emotion (like the wedding night) or b) Shiv has upset Tom in some way and this is how she's trying to reach out to him and fix it. We don't see her initiating sex just for the sake of it, and we do see her do that with Nate. Sure, it could theoretically be happening offscreen, but I think its absence is pretty intentional.

(There's also the actor she sleeps with in 1.03, who I'd probably put somewhere between Nate and Tom on the scale of "how sexually attracted is Shiv to him". She doesn't have the same level of chemistry she does with Nate, but there is chemistry, and I think more attraction than she has with Tom.)

On the other hand, she clearly doesn't feel safe with Nate in the same way she does with Tom. (Which is probably a good call on her part). And I think this highlights the fundamental dichotomy in how Shiv relates to men: the men that she is attracted to are not the ones she feels safe with, and vice versa. (I'm saying men specifically because I don't think she has the same problem with women, although the show hasn't explored Shiv's possible attraction to women enough for that to be definitive.)

And I think this is largely Logan's fault. Beyond just the general insecurity and lack of trust resulting from his emotional abuse - I think Shiv is attracted to men who are like Logan in some way, but she absolutely doesn't feel safe with them, much like she doesn't feel safe with Logan. Logan's right when he points out that she's with Tom because she's afraid of being betrayed; what he misses is that he's the one who's instilled that fear in her. Sure, it's probably been reinforced by other relationships, but that's only because (I would bet) she's been dating people who are vaguely logan-esque.

Part of the irony of her relationship with Tom is that I do think there are logan-like qualities to him, but they're largely suppressed during the first two seasons of the show. And while this might not be entirely conscious on Tom's part, I think it's at least somewhat intentional; he does sometimes repress the kinds of tendencies that would make Logan respect him because he's aware of the fact that those tendencies are going to harm his relationship with Shiv. I don't think he's fully thought through why, I think he just knows that certain things trigger bad reactions, or create distance. I think Tom does have the potential to be the kind of man Shiv would be attracted to, but has opted instead (in the first two seasons) to be someone she would feel safe with.

Which highlights one of the tragic and somewhat infuriating aspects of her relationship with Logan - he's not going to respect anyone who loves Shiv enough to prioritize her over their own ambitions or, more to the point, him. The kind of 'killer'-type personality he would respect would also be willing to throw Shiv under the bus if need be. This is fundamentally why Tom isn't able to please both Shiv and Logan, although he doesn't realize how extreme that dichotomy is until... well, honestly I don't think he fully realizes it until the end of season 3. But my broader point is that it isn't a coincidence that by becoming someone Shiv can't feel safe with he's also become someone Logan can respect.