#babe hes been stalking all your socials the past 6 months

[nashvillethotchicken]

Lestat trying to fuck Louis in 1910

[fortheloveoffanfic]

Lullaby

Keanu Reeves x Reader (A/n- Okay, so after maybe like three months, or more, I can’t remember, this one is coming to a close. There are only three more chapters left.) Chapter Summary- Y/n and Keanu’s relationship is faced with backlash and consequences. Y/n’s parents take action.

Warnings- Angst

1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  

Chapter 14

"What the hell is this?" Heather produced a magazine from her handbag, tossing it to the counter. Y.n’s mother had stormed into her house late in the afternoon, a few hours after Y/n had returned from a late lunch at the country club with Jillian and Catherine, obviously too enraged for small talk. 

Y/n gasped, quickly trying to blink shock out of her eyes. Of course, she had seen a pictures on social media that morning, but she didn't think her parents would find out about it, at least not that quickly, but there they were, with her mother pointing to cheap magazine, the cover boasting an enlarged picture of her and Keanu getting cozy at a corner table, in the small restaurant at the night market, taken just the night before. The headline only served to add insult to injury; written in big bold letters, nearly dominating the entire thing were the words; “Hollywood Mega-Star and Heiress: A Whirlwind Romance for the Ages.”  Clearing her throat, Y/n tried to hide her shock with cheeky humor, “I don’t know mom, kind of looks like a magazine.”

“Don’t get funny with me Y/n. You’re lucky you’re father hasn’t seen this yet,” Heather shook her head, brushing loose strands of dyed red hair out of her face with the tips of her French manicure, “What the hell were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that I was grabbing dinner with a friend,” Y/n shrugged, still playing the whole thing off.

Her mother scoffed, rolling her eyes, before laying an accusing finger on the picture, “This is what you do with your friends?” In actuality, the picture suggested that Keanu and Y/n had long past a friendship, which was definitely true. It had captured the moment where she was half on his lap, but between their positioning coupled with the poor lighting made it hard to tell what they were doing, but Y/n recalled the moment easily. It was no doubt taken right before they’d escaped to the bathroom.

“You need to stop seeing him,” Heather finally determined, and by her tone, Y/n could tell that the matter wasn’t up for discussion.

“No,” Y/n determined firmly, desperately trying to control her heavy breathing. She wasn’t ready to back down that easily, all her life she’d done what they wanted, been who they wanted her to be. No one ever asked if she wanted to inherit a company or get set up by her parents, yet Y/n had always gone along with it. But for the first time, she was doing something she wanted, she wanted to be with Keanu, she loved him. 

“No?” Her mother mirrored incredulously, folding her arms across her chest, tilting her head, deep, red stained lips set into a hard line after the word. Heather stood, separated from her daughter by a dark veined, marble kitchen island. The toe of her heeled pump tapping the hardwood floor softly, impatience in the motion. She always got her way.

“No.” Y/n finalized, “I’m not going to stop seeing Keanu, although-”

“Although what? You could stop seeing Daniel? Is that what you were going to suggest? Because it’s not an option,” Heather pressed two fingers to her temple, something she did when she was exasperated, and shut her eyes tightly before continuing, that time slower, as if Y/n were a child who couldn’t quite understand what she was being taught, “Daniel comes from a good family, he a good man who’s the right age. Marrying him will be good for us, and for them.”

Y/n exhaled loudly, shaking her head as a dry chuckle escaped her lips, “Us? Them? What about me mom? What about what’s good for me? Do you ever think about that, or has it not occurred to you that I’m capable of wanting something for myself, something that isn’t tied in with your old world, bullshit politics.”

“I suggest you watch your tone with me young lady,” anger flared in her eyes, and Heather looked the same way Y/n did when she was angry, the only difference being the twenty-five years between them showing up as little lines here and there on her face, “How the hell would you know about what's good for you? God,” she sighed loudly, laughing humorlessly, “You’re a child! You think twenty-four means your so grown up, but the truth is you don’t know a damn thing about what you need.”

A wave of heat rose up in Y/n and she was sure that if it were possible, her face would turn hot red with anger. She hated yelling at her mother, so in an effort to not do just that, she spoke through clenched teeth, “And you do? This is the first time that you’ve been since I moved and this is the most personal conversation that we’ve had since I was eighteen,” Y/n scoffed, “We barely spend any time together, unless its at one of those stupid events and even then-”

“So this is my fault now?” As the minutes ticked by, after every word, there seemed to be more and more malice and anger in her mother’s voice.

“I’m not saying that this is your fault,” finally, Y/n’s words took on a new edge, “I’m saying that you don’t know me well enough to make this kind of decision for me. What the hell even happened to ‘you’re an adult, make your own decisions’? Or am I only an adult when it suits your agenda?”

“I am your mother,” Heather pointed in an enraged warning, “And if anyone knows what’s best for you, it’s me.”

Y/n chuckled dryly, “You’re gonna play the mom card? Wow! Newsflash mother, I’m an adult, and I’ll love whoever the hell I want to,” the words just tumbled out of her mouth, even if Y/n wasn't exactly expecting to admit that to her mother. 

“Love?” Her mother clapped her hands together, “You think you love him? This is exactly why you have no place making decisions like this,” chuckling quietly, Heather continued, shaking her head, her voice growing softer, “You think he loves you back?” When Y/n got quiet, opting to reel back from fanning the flame, she went on, “Y/n, he’s more than thirty years older than you; he’s having a good time and when he’s finished with you; you’ll wish you had someone more like Daniel.”

She had never been a crier, but in that moment, tears welled up in Y/n’s eyes and she struggled to contain them. “You don’t know him,” Y/n eventually managed, though, her confidence in her relationship with Keanu was quickly wavering. What if her mother was right? What if Keanu’s love for her was frivolous, and after a while, was bound to fade. Y/n knew that it was irrational to doubt him when he’d given her no reason to, but she couldn’t help the nagging voice that said her mother could be right.

“But I know men. And if you don’t believe me, why don’t you give it a read?” Baffled, Y/n watched as her mother hastily shoved the tabloid  to her before turning on her heel and stalking down the hall and out of her house

After that, Y/n hadn’t left the kitchen, and instead, she had just shifted to a bar-stool at the counter, quickly flipping through the glossy, high definition pages, stopping when she reached the article on her and Keanu. Worrying on her lip while toying with the flimsy paper at the edges as she read. 

At first, most of it appeared to just be inferences from the pictures scattered in between paragraphs of the article; that they were dating, obviously for longer than realized, that Y/n was clearly seeing someone else based on everything else they knew and finally, how out of character it was for Keanu to so readily be seen with a woman romantically. Y/n rolled her eyes at the last bit; a lot of people didn’t know it about him, but she had found that Keanu actually wasn’t opposed to a little PDA now and then, as long as it wasn’t going to get them into too much trouble.

Most of it was fine, and Y/n doubts had even started to melt away, up until they started talking about Keanu’s dating history, pegging her against his former girlfriends and going as far as implying that they weren’t meant to be anything more than a fling; between their age gap and the fact that Keanu never seemed interested in settling down, their relationship clearly wasn’t meant to have a happy ending. 

It stung, thinking that she might not mean more to Keanu than a couple months of fun. In a haste, Y/n got up, hurrying to her bedroom to change out of her shorts and tank top into jeans and a simple shirt, throwing on some shoes while she was at it. On her way out, Y/n swiped up the magazine from the counter, stuffing it into her handbag. She had to know, from him, once and for all.

There was merely thirty minutes between Y/n’s and Keanu’s house. When she’d gotten there, it wasn’t long after before she was yanking the crumpled pages out of her bag, shoving them to Keanu’s chest, earning herself a bewildered look and a surprised ‘ompf’. “What is this?”

Keanu eased the thing from her assaulting grip, his words resembling Y/n’s from earlier, “I donno babe, it looks like a magazine.”

Okay, maybe that was annoying. Rolling her eyes, Y/n scoffed, irritated, “No shit genius, look at page 8.”

With her hands on her hips, Y/n studied Keanu’s range of expressions as he read; going from shock, to intrigue to a flat out cringe. After he was finished, Keanu sighed heavily, rolling it up in his hand and absently slapping his palm, “This is….bad?”

“Bad?” Y/n’s chuckle was dry and in no way suggested humor, “Ke, this is terrible. My mom knows about us. And….” She wanted to bring it up, Y/n really didn’t, but she couldn’t. How was she supposed to ask him that anyway? In her hurry to get there, she hadn’t even thought it through and now that the moment had arrived, Y/n wasn’t sure if she could follow through, because the truth was, she didn’t want to know. She didn’t want to think that she could mean less to Keanu than he did to her or that one day he’d just decide that he’d had his fill and move on with his life. 

Sighing again, Keanu moistened his lips, tentatively, Keanu tossed the tabloid to the top of the hall chest, pulling Y/n to him, trying to lead her to the living room. After some hesitance, she responded and they slowly made their way, eventually plopping into the grey cushions. Y/n discarded her bag on his coffee table and took a minute to clear her cheeks of escaped tears before taking a deep breath. “Are you sure that your mom knowing is all that’s bothering you?” He finally asked. Keanu had read the same article she had and he knew for certain that the last few lines weren’t ones that anyone would take lightly.  

“I….” Y/n’s breath caught, “No,” Y/n shifted to face him, pulling one leg under herself, brushing some hair behind her ear, “I want to know the truth, am I just a fling to you? I mean,” she huffed, sniffling, not wanting her tears to cloud Keanu’s judgement, “Am I gonna end up like them?”

“No, of course not,” Keanu racked his brain for the right thing to say. He knew what it looked like. It looked like he was a womanizer. It looked like he kept women around until he got bored. It looked like he was the kind of person that was going to break her heart, even if it was the last thing he wanted to do. “You know that I would never do that to you.”

“Do I?” Rolling her glassy eyes, Y/n pulled away from him, standing again. Her head felt full and all Y/n wanted to do was go back in time and find a way to uncomplicate things. Fighting more tears, she folded her arms, she loved Keanu, she did, but her life was already a complicated mess, did she really want to add a potential heartbreak into the mix?

For him, maybe.

“You should,” he stood too, scrubbing his palms over the things of his faded, worn jeans, “You know I love you. Y/n,” Keanu reached out as he closed the short space between them, sighing in relief when she let him gently grip her arm, “I’ve never felt this way.”

Mulling on his words, Y/n glanced at his fingers loosely closed in just below her shoulder. When their eyes met, he squeezed affectionately, as if to ask her to believe his words. Y/n wanted to believe him, but with everything she’d read and all that her mom had said, Y/n didn’t know what to think. “Neither have I,” a lone tear trickled down her already stained cheek, “It’s just…...I don’t-”

Y/n’s phone, practically shrieking in her bag cut her off, breaking her thoughts. In a frenzy, she rummaged through its contents, cringing when she finally pulled it out. Her dad, and she was sure he wasn’t calling to congratulate Y/n on her latest media appearance. “Dad?” She swallowed tightly. On his end, he didn’t say much and his tone was abrasive and his words few, all in all, ordering that she return home- and not to her place, to theirs.

As the line disconnected, Y/n shuddered, a foreboding chill running down her spine, everything that she’d wanted to say to Keanu forgotten. “I have to go,” she breathed, shaking her head, not even wanting to imagine what was coming next, “My parents, they um…”

“Yeah,” Keanu nodded stiffly, understanding without her having to say it, “Come on,” he snaked an arm around her waist. He didn’t want Y/n to go, especially when she was that upset, but he’d already gotten her into enough trouble, “I’ll walk you to your car.”

Y/n’s forced smile faltered as she tried to quell her nerves. By the time they reached her car, Keanu was holding the door open for her and letting his hand slip to her hip as he pulled her into a loving kiss, their lips moving together slowly. When they broke, he kept his forehead pressed to his, their lips still almost touching, “Thank you,” she whispered.

“No problem,” Keanu let his thumb slip beneath the curved hem of her white button up, the pad of his finger rubbing circles into her skin, “Just remember what I told you, please? I love you and I mean it.”

“I know,” she nodded against him, dragging her lip through her teeth, “I love you too.”

“We can talk about this later, just call me when you get home.”

“Okay,” Y/n agreed breathily, “I should go now.” Not too long after, Keanu reluctantly let her leave, standing at the curb watching as her car grew smaller with distance.

When Y/n pulled up in the driveway of her childhood home, there were two more cars than she was expecting. On one of them was familiar though; Daniel’s Rolls-Royce, parked just ahead of the cobble stone porch steps. Putting her convertible in park, turning off the ignition and putting up the top, Y/n inhaled deeply before getting out. 

The sun had already started to set and on her walk to the grand front door, the glare stung her puffy eyes. As her hand closed in around the knob, dread set in and all Y/n wanted to do was get back in her car and drive home. But alas, that wasn’t on the list of options. She only had one really; go in and see what they wanted. 

Finding everyone didn’t take as long as she preferred as they- they being Y/n’s parents, Daniel’s parents and Daniel himself, were all gathered right in the living room. A combination of delicate tea china, a silver platter and a few wine glasses peppered the imported coffee table and quite chatter that dominated the room stopped suddenly upon Y/n’s entrance. Heather sat next to Micheal in the love-seat nearest to the unlit fireplace while Daniel’s parents were perched similarly on another sofa for two not too far off and finally, Daniel himself was the only one seated on the longest sofa. He looked uncomfortable and upon her entrance, he avoided her gaze swallowing tightly. 

“You called?” Folding her arms definitely, Y/n didn’t move an inch further into the room, and she wasn’t going to unless someone gave her a reasonable reason to.

“I did,” Micheal nodded, slipping his hands into the pockets of his black slacks as he stood. His head was held high and his expression suggested that her mother had ousted her not too long ago, stern and a little angry, “We need to talk Y/n.”

Quickly, her tongue darted out to wet her lips, “Yeah,” she agreed, cocking her head to the side, “We do.”

Humorlessly, Micheal chuckled, “Let me rephrase, I’m going to talk, and you’re going to listen. Now sit,” he gestured to the spot next to Daniel.

“I don’t have to listen to you. I’m-”

“You’re an adult who still uses my money!” It was rare, very, very rare, but when Micheal did raise his voice, it was always enough to shock fear into those around him. Keeping tears at bay, Y/n clenched her jaw. The vein at her father’s forehead bulged as if to prove his anger and she could see his hidden fist was clenched in his pocket. “I am your father. I bought your house, your car, I pay you and as long as I have to do that, you will listen to me. So sit.”

Begrudged and rolling her eyes, like a teenager who had just been scolded for swiping vodka out of the liquor cabinet, Y/n stomped over to the sofa, huffing as the patterned cream cushions embraced her. Still, Daniel refused to look her in the eye, and he even seemed a bit fidgety. They sat with about a foot between them and feeling more awkward than anyone preferred, she shuffled further to the other side, though still keeping away from where Micheal stood.

“Good,” he finally managed, “Now first things first, you owe the Wangs an apology for your recent…..behavior,” the word left his lips with such disgust that it almost made her feel dirty, “Now, Y/n.”

Y/n hated it, every single painstaking second of it. Being humiliated? And made to apologize like a child? Still, there was no use in embarrassing herself even more, “Mrs and Mrs. Wang,” Y/n powered through the stinging in her eyes and the thickness in her throat, “I am so sorry.” They eyed her suspiciously, but eventually nodded stiffly. “And Daniel,” Y/n turned to him, tentatively reaching out, surprised when he didn’t pull his hand way and looked at her directly for the first time, his features etched with the twinge of betrayal, “I can not begin to explain how sorry I am,” not for being with Keanu, but for hurting him, “I never, ever meant to hurt you. And I know that I can’t say anything that will make it up to you, but I hope you can forgive me.”

Daniel’s words were choked when they left his lips, “It’s not your fault,” he reassured, squeezing her hand lightly. 

“It is her fault,” Micheal interjected angrily and Y/n could feel his stare burning into her, “She was careless and absolutely selfish,” once again addressing her, Micheal carried on, “This family has given you everything Y/n, and all we ask is that you secure your future.”

How dare he? The will to argue burned like hot coals, but Y/n bit her tongue, knowing full and well that no good would come from it anyway. “I know dad.”

If Micheal heard her, he didn’t seem to care, “But all you still ran after some actor who can’t do a damn thing for you,” he let his words sink in. Y/n desperately wished she could defend Keanu. He wasn’t just ‘some actor’, he was the man she loved, a good, kind man who she didn’t want to see a life without. “But thankfully,” Micheal continued, breaking her thoughts, “Li Jian and Alice have decided to forgive your stupidity and give you a second chance.”

Baffled, Y/n looked to Daniel’s parents, who in turn looked to Daniel. The next five minutes seemed to unfold in slow motion; Daniel gently freeing his hand from her loose grip, pushing himself off the sofa, only to sink down on one knee- right in front of her. As he reached into the inner breast pocket of his beige suit coat, Y/n sucked in a sharp breath and her heart quickened, and not in a good way. 

“Y/n,” he began as sweetly as possible, his hands visibly shaking, as he flipped open the velvet ring box, “I know this probably isn’t how you imagined getting engaged- to me or anyone else, but I would be honored to be your husband, if you’d have me of course. Will you marry me?”

They hadn’t even exchanged ‘I love yous’ yet.

Y/n wasn’t even sure that she wanted to. Far less marry him.

But by the looks everyone was giving her, Y/n didn’t think that rejecting Daniel’s proposal was something she was allowed to do. She had to accept, for her family. It was who she was and it was bound to happen one day. The sooner she learned to accept that, the easier her life would be. And, besides, at least Daniel wasn’t a jerk like Jillian's husband. 

Forcing a smile, Y/n hoped that Daniel would think her tears were those of happiness, “Yes,” she croaked, morphing into a mere onlooker as Daniel sighed in relief, proceeding to slip an engagement ring onto her finger. It was gorgeous; a large, emerald cut diamond sat in a micropavé setting, the expensive stones glittering in the yellow chandelier light, and Y/n really wished she could enjoy the moment, but between the haste in which it had happened and the triumphant looks of her parents, all it did was make Y/n’s heart sink.

That was not what she was expecting. 

*********

Tagging- @harrisongslimited  @paanchu786  @a-really-bi-girl  @baphometwolf666 @sdaff2 @green-forest-dreams @weird-civilian​

[heartthrobcityimagine]

Who Is This??/ Part 7 (part one)/ Noah Centineo

A/N: Guess who’s back, back again. Guess who’s back, tell a friend. Hey guys! So, as you can see Part 7 is going to have multiple parts, 2 in fact. There’s a lot that will be going on in both parts!  It will not be another week before I post part 2, I plan to have it up either tomorrow or Sunday! 

Warnings: Language (as always), sexual content. 

LEHH GO!!

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Where we left off in part 6: 

" Please don't do this." You heart cracks, his voice was completely broken, almost making you change your mind.

Tears were streaming down your face rapidly. Realizing you weren't going to change your mind he places a soft kiss to your wet cheek. Your eyes flutter shut as harder sobs jolt your body. He lets go of you and walks to your door.

With a deep sigh he opens the door, just as he goes to walk out he turns to you,

" I can't leave without you knowing that I've fallen too." WIth that he closes your door, leaving you to collapse back on the couch and wallow in your tears.

=============================================================

It had been over a month an half since you had seen Noah. You don’t know what you are expecting, him to run back in and beg for you? He shouldn’t have too. You knew you had made a mistake the second he left but couldn’t swallow your pride enough to go after him. 

You had spent most of your time sulking in your apartment. Jace was busy with Travis as their relationship had gone into full swing. You haven’t heard from Tye either. You had filed and been granted a permanent restraining order. He wasn’t allowed within 1500 feet of you and thus far he hadn’t attempted to break that. 

It was nearing the middle of July, the summer heat was sweltering so you didn’t mind staying in the air conditioning, at least that’s what you’d tell yourself. You had been studying and rehearsing for your summer music program and your final performance was at the local music festival tonight. The program you were taking was creative and personal composing. 

For your final grade you had to perform an original piece. You were petrified. You had rehearsed yesterday and almost threw up before and after. The main stage was massive and the more you pictured a crowd in front of you the more nervous you got. It would be the first time anyone has ever heard your songs outside of your classroom and Jace of course.

*TING* *TING*

You glance down at your phone rolling your eyes.

Jace: OMG I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOUR ASS PERFORM!  YOU GON’ ROCK THIS SHIT!

Jace: Remember us small people when you get famous!

You shake your head. 

You : Uhhh, it’s just a music festival. I wouldn’t even be doing it if it wasn’t for a grade.

Jace: that’s the problem. You should be playing all the time, I have never heard someone play piano as beautiful and passionate as you do. .

Jace: also.... I know I said it would be just be us tonight... but do you care if Travis comes.

You sigh, third wheeling with those two was becoming your normal routine and you didn’t know how you felt about it. Jace had always just been yours. Sure, he had other boyfriends but none this serious. He spent all of his time with Travis.

You had to stop yourself for a second. You bet he felt the same way when you had boyfriends. He never complained. You suddenly felt really awful for even thinking of being jealous.

You: Of course! I love Travis! Plus you’ll need someone’s hand to hold while I perform 😂

You knew it would make Jace happy and more comfortable to have someone to be with.

Jace: need us to pick you up?

You: No, I’m good. I have to be there around 5:30 for mic check. Let me know when you get there though and we’ll check out the other bands and performers if you want!

Jace: of course! Love you 😘

You: And I you ♥ . 

It was 3:00 p.m. now, you needed to hurry and get ready, traffic was terrible this time of day and with the festival being outside of town you needed to get a move on. 

You quickly get ready and rush out of the door grabbing your keys and sheet music on your way out.

You finally arrive to the location where the festival was being held just outside of L.A. Immediately your eyes meet a large flower Arch that had not been up yesterday when you came to rehearse. Strung across it was a banner that read: Welcome to the annual Innovation of Music Festival. 

The festival was a mixture of composer, artists, bands etc, from various music colleges around the area. Music from classical to heavy metal would be playing throughout the weekend. Thankfully, when you signed up at the beginning of summer you were able to pick what day you performed on, you had picked opening day to go ahead and just get it over with. 

People were already starting to show up and the various amounts of vendors began opening up their stands. Your palms become sweaty, your breathing picks up and you can feel your pulse began to race. You weren’t sure if you were ready for this or not. 

You take a few deep breaths, reminding yourself that you had to try out for the program to even get in, therefore if you weren’t good enough you wouldn’t even be here. 

You make your way to backstage,finding the red head you were introduced to yesterday. “Kat!” You say waving her over. “ Hey, (Y/N)! Okay so all we need to do is confirm you made it, check that, you look great by the way!” 

A slight blush makes its way to your cheeks. You hadn’t gone with anything fancy, just a pair of dark denim shorts, a lace white top and some lace up sandals. Typical festival wear, and let’s be honest, it was hotter than hell outside and there was no way you were going to wear anything but shorts. 

“ Thanks Kat” you say bashfully. She gives you a wide grin, “ Okay, so you aren’t performing until around 7:30, you need to be back here around 7 so we can go over set up okay? Got your sheet music?” You hand her the slightly crumpled sheets with a sheepish smile, guess you had been gripping them a little too hard. She give you a laugh and takes it placing it in her folder she had been carrying. 

*TING*

Jace: HEY BISH! WE ARE HERE!! 

WIth a grin you take off to go find Jace and Travis.

Leaving the backstage area, your eyes widen. The amount of people had almost doubled just in the short amount of time you were backstage. Your eyes frantically search for Jace when you hear a loud cackle. Your head whips to the left, you knew that laugh anywhere. 

You slide past a few people and finally spot a blonde head of familiar hair. You stopped just short of Jace and Travis, he was laughing at something Travis was telling him. His smile reaching his eyes. A smile crosses your face, you hadn’t seen him this happy in a while.  

You make your way over. “Hey guys!” “ (Y/N)!!” Jace slings his arms around you, enveloping you in a hug. His tall frame hovering over yours. You hear Travis’s muffled greetings as Jace clings to you. 

“Jace! I can’t breathe!” you yell laughing. He loosens his grip but keeps an arm around you, pulling back to look at you. 

“ Shew, you look gorgeous! Ready to do this thing?” 

You give him a nervous glance, “ Not really. I’ve been sick to my stomach all week just thinking about it. What if I vomit all over stage?” you exclaim, horror written all over your face. 

“Babe, you’ll be fine. No different than in class.” You look at him ridiculously.

“Jace, there are maybe 25 people in my class.... There are going to be hundreds here tonight.” 

“Eh, small difference. If you sucked they wouldn’t have even let you play so..” He says, mimicking your thoughts from earlier. You give him a small smile. 

“Sooooo... have you heard anything from him?” You knew who he was asking about.  “No, and I don’t think I’m going to.” 

“ You know, you could always just call him..” 

“ Yeah, no.” you say cutting off the conversation. You knew you could call and apologize but what would that make him think of you? You broke things off with him before you even really were a thing. Besides he had probably moved on by now. 

You knew he had been doing various promo interviews and posting to instagram, because you may or may not have practically stalked all of his social media for a greater part of the summer but, that was besides the point. He had posted a number of photos with his co-star Lana, many of which had very intriguing captions. My girl. that one had stung a bit. A small part of you hoped he hadn’t moved on, that he would sit and wait for you this whole time, but that wouldn’t have been fair to Noah. He deserved to be happy, whether it was with you or someone else. 

You, Jace, and Travis strolled around the festival checking out the vendors, they had everything from clothing to vinyl records to taco trucks. You mentally marked the location of the taco truck, you’ll definitely be back by to visit that before the night was over. It was nearing 7 o’clock and you told Jace you were going to go ahead and go backstage to get ready. 

He grabs your shoulder spinning you around to make you face him, “ Deep breaths, positive thoughts, you have this. You have spent all summer practicing and rehearsing over and over. It’s a second nature at this point, just gotta let it out to fly.” He gives you a kiss on your forehead and spins you back around. “ Now go fly my little butterfly,” he says dramatically shoving you towards the backstage. 

You quickly find Kat and she takes you to the left side of the stage, handing you your sheet music. “ Okay, (Y/N), just like yesterday, once the act before you finishes, the lights will go dark, piano will be wheeled out by Josh, your microphone will be on top, you will follow behind Josh, go ahead and adjust your microphone, the lights will come up, and you can begin. Got it?” 

Your head swims with her fast information, attempting to make a mental checklist. Follow Josh, get set up, perform. You realize she’s still staring at you and you nod your head in understanding. She opens her folder from earlier and pulls out your music handing it to you. “ Should be all set yeah? You’re on in about 15 minutes.” Hearing that makes your stomach start to churn. 15 minutes until hundreds of people would be watching you perform. 15 minutes and you hoped and silently prayed that you wouldn’t throw up. 

You watch with wide eyes as the band before you plays the last notes of their song and takes their bow. Your heart begins pounding in your chest. 

The lights go dark, out of the corner of your eye you see Josh start to move the piano. Your legs somehow find the will to move and your quickly following behind him. He places it in the middle of the stage, another stage hand bringing the bench for you to sit on. WIth wobbly knees you take the few steps to the piano and place your music on it. Slowly sitting down you adjust the mic just like Kat had said. Your heart was in your throat, you were sure of it. You hands were shaking furiously and with a deep breath you connect eyes with Josh, nodding your head that you were ready. It was now or never, a little too late to tuck tail and run now. He speaks in to his radio and slowly the lights shine on you. 

Closing your eyes, your fingers find the keys, your foot on the pedal, you take a deep breath, your mouth opens as the first notes begin to play. You inhale and on your exhale you begin to sing. You had played piano in front of your class, that wasn’t what you had been terrified of, it was singing. No one, not even Jace had heard you sing, they had all heard the musical portion of your songs, this would be your first lyrical performance ever. 

“What are we even fighting for... we try and try to settle the score... You and I are a driving force, but can we make it through this storm? Hold me close and don’t let go, even if we lose this war.” 

As you progressed into the first chorus the world around you disappeared, as it did everytime you played. Except this time it wasn’t just music that filled your mind. It was Noah. The way he looked at you the night you ended things. It was the way he had told you he had fallen for you just like you had him. It was the way you wanted nothing more then to tell him you didn’t mean it but something in you refused. You knew he wasn’t like Tye, that he would never hurt you the way he did but you couldn’t get rid of the doubt, of the insecurities that had been carried around for so long. As the last note of your song plays. streams of tears run down your face. Deafening silence follows your last note, then a roar of applause ripples it’s way through the crowd. You take a glance out in the audience, the lights making it hard to see, you regain your focus searching for Jace. Your eyes meet a familiar pair, shock written on your face.

What the fuck was he doing here??!?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Soooo.... ready for part 2?? Let me know who you think it is, what you want to see. Like I said part 2 will be up sometime between now and Sunday, so be on the lookout! As always, let me know what you think! 

Also, I’ve got a shit ton of requests, I will be trying to get them up this weekend as well. 

[chittaphonsicecream]

blackmail: a wonwoo hacker!au

synopsis: you’ve dumped your ex boyfriend and blocked him on everything, but you’re pretty sure he’s been logging into your social media accounts and stalking you. your best friend suggests that you go to the IT nerds at school and ask for some help in figuring out who’s watching you. you enlist jeon wonwoo’s help in stopping him and wreaking a little bit of havoc of your own. female reader x wonwoo ft kaistal bc I miss them

word count: 6.4k (the ending is kinda rushed bc i was lowkey sick of writing)

a/n: this takes place in an american college:) so basically… this is based on something that happened to me (the stalking part). wonwoo doesn’t get introduced for a while but when he does it’s worth it. it’s really angsty and slow but I hope you enjoy.

“Look, I think we’re better apart,” you said, staring your boyfriend directly in the eyes.

“I don’t agree,” he said. He grabbed your hand a little too forcefully. “You are the only one for me.”

“Jason…” you said. You took a deep sigh and looked at him. “I’ve been telling you for the past hour, we are over.”

“No, you can’t do this,” he said. “Yes, yes, I can,” you said. “You need to leave.”

“So the past nine months have been a lie?”

“No, the past nine months have been you manipulating me into thinking that I loved you and that you’re as good as it gets,” you deadpanned. “Jason, you need to leave. Now.”

“No!” he yelled. “There’s nobody like you, _____.”

“Yes, there is. I’m not special. Now get out before I call the police,” you threatened. “You’ve wasted nine months of my life, don’t waste another minute.”

“You need professional help, you know that, right?” questioned Jason. “You’re the most heartless, uncaring bitch I’ve ever met.”

“Hm, sucks for you,” you said. “Now get the fuck out of my apartment before Krystal comes home.”

“Fine, but we’re not done talking,” he said. “We’ll make it through this.”

“I really don’t think so,” you replied as you pushed him out of your apartment and slammed the door in his face.

Knowing what Jason could be like, you quickly locked your doors and waited in the farthest room in your apartment. He had been manipulating you for as long as you could remember, convincing you that you were happiest with him when really he was isolating you from the rest of your friends and family. You hadn’t even liked him; he just continually told you that he liked you until you caved in and consented to being his girlfriend. In reality, he was one of the worst people you knew.

Following the breakup, he relentlessly tried to contact you and become your friend. He even went as far as to send his older brother’s ex girlfriend, a good friend of yours, to tell you how much he missed you and how unhappy he was without you. She warned you heavily to stay away from him and his entire family.  

After you blocked Jason and cut him off completely, you began to adjust back to your normal life. You were becoming happier, more outgoing, and more of who you used to be. Everyone in your life noticed the positivity.

Chatting over bowls of cereal, you and Krystal were sitting at your small kitchen table. You opened up your Snapchat to find yourself logged out, which could mean one of two things: either Snapchat was being its typical glitchy self or someone else had logged into your account. The only person who knew your password was Krystal.

“Hey, Krystal, did you log into my Snap?” you asked.

“No, why?” she replied.

“Nothing,” you mumbled. “It must be glitching or something.”

“Okay,” she said. “Hey, are you still friends with Jason’s cousin?”

“Which one?”

“The one that introduced the two of you.”

“Oh, Hailey. Yeah, but we’re not as close as we were when Jason and I were just friends. And then we kind of drifted when I dumped him and now we hardly see or talk to each other.”

“I didn’t care that much,” laughed Krystal. “I was just wondering why your Instagram profile pic has her in it now.”

“I didn’t change it,” you said.

“Yeah, you did.” Krystal held up her phone to your face to show a picture of you and Hailey, clearly happy. It was a photo taken during the camping trip where you and Jason became close.

“I don’t remember changing it.” You grabbed her phone and took a closer look. You had more followers than you remembered, too, and you were private. “Maybe I did it when I was falling asleep last night.”

“I think it’s pretty new,” she said, “and you do weird stuff when you’re tired, so I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Yeah,” you mumbled in reply.

Over the next few months, small but strange things continued happening on your social media. Snapchats had been opened that you couldn’t recall seeing, follow requests that you never saw were accepted, direct messages were opened by someone other than you, posts you never saw were liked, stories you never viewed were watched, and random people were added to your Snapchat. Again, you didn’t think much of it.

After a few months of avoiding Hailey and discussing the breakup, you finally met up with her for lunch. She was desperate to catch up with you, especially after you had distanced yourself so severely from her. At one point she had been your best friend, but now the two of you were more like strangers.

The small restaurant was a nice little meeting place, and you arrived a few minutes early to make sure that your reservation was claimed. It was commonplace for Hailey to arrive rather late, from five minutes to forty-five minutes. After you ordered drinks for the both of you, she arrived.

“Sorry for being so late,” she apologized profusely.

“Hailey, you’re always late,” you laughed. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to see how you’ve been holding up,” she offered. “You know, our whole family really believed that you and Jason would get married. We’d never seen him like the way he was with you.”

“The way he was with me was constantly manipulating me and making my life toxic,” you spat. “Hailey, I didn’t come here so you could talk me into getting back together with Jason.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, “but I thought it was worth a shot.”

“A shot that’ll ruin our friendship permanently. He’s an awful person. I don’t hate people, but I hate him,” you deadpanned. “Can we talk about literally anything else?”

“Alexa had her second kid,” Hailey offered, “and Nick is finally engaged to Alondra.”

Hailey went on a tangent about her older siblings and their success before circling back around to what she really wanted to talk about.

“And I’m dating someone, too,” she said quietly. “I didn’t want to mention anything since your past relationship was so bad.”

You laughed. “I’m not that terrible of a person. I can be happy for someone else, you know?”

“Okay,” smiled Hailey. “He’s going to Cozumel with my family and me next week. The whole crew is going, Alexa and her family, Nick and his fiance, and Jason’s family. Jason’s sister Madison is already pregnant and they wanted to get in a trip before the baby’s born.”

“They’ve been married for six months!” you exclaimed. “I was Jason’s date to the wedding. That’s…”

“An accident?” offered Hailey. “I think so, but she and Chad deny it.”

“Whatever makes them feel better,” you said.

“Yeah.” She took a sip of her drink. “Do you think I’m being too forward by bringing my boyfriend on a family trip? It’s only been a few months.”

“At least you’ll know soon whether this relationship is going to work.” It was meant to be a joke, but Hailey took it seriously. The conversation was becoming uncomfortable, forced with the continuous mention of Jason, so finally you excused yourself, left a twenty dollar bill on the table, and headed home.

The next week, strange things continued to happen on your social media. Knowing you, you continued to ignore it and think nothing of it. Finally, as you opened up your Instagram, you got a strange notification.

We detected an unusual login attempt. iOS | Jun 27, 6:10 AM | Cozumel, Mexico

Your heartbeat soared as you realized what this could mean. Tears welled up in your eyes as you quickly texted Hailey.

hey, are you in cozumel?

yeah, we landed a little before 6 this morning. why?

nothing. jason flew with you?

yes what’s wrong

nothing don’t worry

You ran to the bathroom where Krystal was getting ready for the day and started banging on the door. “Krystal!” you shouted. “Krystal, open the door!” You were crying and sat on the floor of the hallway until Krystal opened the door.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Jason has been logging into my accounts all this time. You know that weird stuff that was constantly happening on my accounts? It was him.”

“How?”

“I don’t know… All of my passwords are pretty difficult.”

“Okay, well, let’s start with changing your passwords.” Krystal paused for a second, and then spoke again. “How do you know it’s him?”

“Who else would be stalking my accounts? I’m not interesting. I blocked him on everything, and then this morning I get a notification that someone in Cozumel has been logging into my account. And you know who flew into Cozumel this morning? Jason.”

“Text him,” Krystal said. “See if he’ll say he’s been logging into your accounts.”

jason

wow didn’t expect to hear from you anytime soon

yeah ik

u feeling lonely i guess? ;)

no

aw babe

don’t aw babe me why have you been logging into my social media

I havent??

yes you fucking have leave me the fuck alone

no i havent

I got a notification saying someone in cozumel has been logging into my accounts and ik weird shit has been going down in my account this is illegal

theres lots of people in cozumel what if it wasnt me

im going to the police

you have no proof that its me

ill find a way to get proof leave me tf alone stay out of my accounts

Krystal snatched your phone from your hands. “I don’t really think we can do anything if he denies it,” she sighed. Her eyes lit up. “I know some kids in the IT department of school. I bet they’d help.” She pulled you up from off the floor. “Get ready, let’s go talk to them.”

You dressed quickly because the sooner you met with the IT kids, the sooner you could figure out who had truly been stalking you. As soon as you were ready, you grabbed Krystal’s arm and started jogging towards the campus. She had dressed well, like always, but you were comfortable and ready to run.

After a few minutes of running, you finally arrived at the university’s tech department. Krystal was friends with most everybody, so she showed you where the IT kids could be found. She knocked quietly on the door after you had ran up the stairs to the entrance.

“Come in,” someone called from the other side.

“Hey, guys,” Krystal said as she opened up the door. “I need a favor.”

“What is it?” one of the boys asked. There was only one girl, and she was quietly working away at her computer, headphones in ears.

“_____, tell them what’s been happening,” she said as she pushed you towards them.

You began your long tale of your toxic relationship, the messy breakup, the strange social media occurrences, and finally, that morning’s notification.

“I’d recommend talking to Wonwoo, the boy over there,” said the boy that Krystal knew. “He’s good with that stuff. Doesn’t get caught, either.”

“Okay, thank you,” you said. You walked over to the tall, dark haired boy with glasses. “Hi,” you said softly. “I need you to do me a favor. I’ll literally do anything for it.” You paused. “Well, not anything.”

“What is it?” 

“I need you to find out who has been logging into my Instagram accounts. You’re a hacker, right?” you asked.

“Yeah,” he said, “but I’m more of a vigilante hacker. I don’t just hack to hack.”

“Well, I think you’ll be intrigued by what I’m going to tell you,” you replied hopefully. You began your spiel once more, and by the end, Wonwoo had his chin in his hands and was staring at you intently.

“It’ll take me maybe ten minutes to figure out if he’s been logging into your account, but from the looks of it, he definitely has,” Wonwoo said. “But this isn’t my style. My style is more messing with people who did bad things on the internet.”

“Okay, but will you see if it’s even him? I think it is but can you make sure anyway?” you asked.

“Yeah, give me a few.” Wonwoo turned to his computer and left you alone

“Hey, _____,” Krystal called from across the room. “I’m heading home. I don’t want to be here too long. Are you okay on your own?”

“I’m fine,” you replied as you took a seat next to Wonwoo and watched him type rapidly. “You don’t mind if I stay with you, do you?”

“No, I really don’t.” Wonwoo didn’t even look up from his computer as he kept typing. After a few minutes, he came up empty handed. He looked at you confusedly. “His phone is heavily protected. I don’t know what kind of software this person has installed, but I can’t access it. All I can access is the Apple ID of the person that owns the phone, and it’s a bunch of random numbers and letters. I can try hacking into that, but I don’t think it’s going to lead anywhere.”

“What do you mean?” you asked.

“I mean your ex-boyfriend is either incredibly clever or he has someone else doing the dirty work for him,” Wonwoo said.

“He’s really smart. Tech savvy.”

“Then he knows what he’s doing.” Wonwoo looked back at the screen and then to you. “I think I can figure out if it’s him, but it’ll take a solid half hour. I have to hack into the account and then see all of the phones and devices the accounts have been linked to and see if any of them belong to him. You should go get food or something while I do this; it might be a while.”

“Okay,” you said. “I’ll bring something back for you. What do you want?”

“How about burgers?” he asked.

“I’ll be back soon. You have my number now, so text me what you want,” you said with a smile. Wonwoo nodded before pulling out his phone and sending you his order.

After about fifteen minutes, you were back with burgers. Wonwoo was spinning around in his chair and smiled at you. “It’s him. That Jason guy, it’s him.”

“I’m not surprised.”

“I know you want to go to the police, but I want to have a little fun,” Wonwoo said. “This is my speciality of sorts.”

“But what if you get caught?” you asked.

“I won’t.” He took his burger from you. “Consider this payment for my deeds,” he said with a wink.

“I don’t know if I want you to mess with him. He’s a little psycho.”

“He’s not just a little psycho, he’s a lot psycho.” Wonwoo smiled at you softly. “Look, ____, if you don’t want me to, I won’t. But I think you want this guy to get a taste of his own medicine.”

“Of course I do,” you said. “But what could we possibly do to him?”

“I have some ideas, but you’ll have to consent. And they can be pretty shady, but I promise you, we won’t get caught,” Wonwoo said.

“What are your ideas?” you asked.

“If you give me your phone, I can retrieve every conversation the two of you have ever had. The embarrassing, the sweet, the manipulative, everything. Blackmail him with his own nudes? Done. Blackmail him with the embarrassing, loving, manipulative things he told you? Done. He won’t mess with you ever again, not as long as you’ve got this on your side.”

You stared at him. His proposal was intriguing to say the least. You knew Krystal would approve, but you also knew that he would access a lot of vulnerable things about you. You had some rather revealing photos in there, and while that did bother you, it didn’t bother you as much as the awkward and embarrassing photos you sent or the things you had confided in Jason. But you knew that he may never stop unless you made him stop, and you’d rather it be in your hands than in the authority’s hands. You looked at him, bit your lip, and then agreed.

“You promise you won’t judge me?” you asked.

“I promise,” replied Wonwoo softly. He gave your hand a gentle squeeze to reassure you. “You’re a good person. I can tell by just how you are. Texts between some manipulator and you aren’t going to make me change my mind.”

“Okay.” You handed him the phone. “But can you walk me home and then take my phone? I don’t want to be without my phone in the city.”

“Sure,” he said. He began packing up his things and then wrapped an arm around you. “It’s going to be fine. I’m good at what I do, and I don’t care about what you said. I only care about what he said.” He squeezed your shoulder gently. “It’s going to be okay. I’m not him.”

“You don’t need to tell me that,” you laughed as you detached yourself from him. “I know you’re not him.”

“Okay, good.” The two of you began the short walk from the university, through a bit of town, to your apartment. Once you neared your apartment, you reluctantly placed your phone in his palm.

“When will you be back?” you asked. “I kinda need my phone back.”

“I’ll come by tomorrow, how about that?”

“Okay.”

“We can go through what you think would affect him most tomorrow. I’ll just download it all to my laptop. Since you won’t have your phone, just expect me to come over sometime between noon and one, okay? I have some actually IT work to do tomorrow morning but I’ll just have it download while I sleep tonight.”

“Alright,” you said softly. “Thanks for doing this for me.”

“I’m an internet vigilante. It’s what I do,” responded Wonwoo with a wink. “See you around, ______.”

He watched as you entered your apartment building and stayed until he saw that you were safely inside. Once you were back inside your apartment, Krystal jumped to ask questions.

“What’d they find out?” she asked.

“He’s been stalking me,” you said shakily.

“Well, are you going to report it to the police or what?” she asked, playing with her fingers.

“Actually… about that,” you began, “I’m not going to the police.”

“Are you stupid?”

“Well, Wonwoo-”

“Wonwoo, huh?”

“It’s not like that. I literally just met him.”

“Oh, really? Then why’d he walk you home? And stay until he knew you were in the building?”

“Shut up,” you replied quickly. “We’re going to give Jason a taste of his own medicine. Wonwoo’s keeping my phone for the night to download everything I had regarding Jason and to retrieve all of the old messages and stuff and then he’s gonna… well… blackmail him, I guess.”

“No way,” laughed Krystal. “You’re blackmailing the psycho? I didn’t realize you were that ballsy.”

“It wasn’t my idea,” you clarified. “Wonwoo says he’s like some internet vigilante or something and it’s similar to stuff he always does.”

“Wait, so he walked you home because?”

“He needed to take my phone but I didn’t want to go home without it. And I think he’s honestly a little afraid for me.”

“He’s nice. Kinda quiet but nice.”

“Quiet?”

“Yeah. He’s said maybe ten words total to me.”

“We spoke a lot.”

“Maybe he likes you better than me.”

“Maybe.”

“Well,” Krystal said while lightly punching your arm, “aren’t you afraid of what Wonwoo is going to find on your phone?”

“It doesn’t matter to me,” you responded. “All that matters is that Jason leaves me alone. And I don’t think he’ll care much anyway. He knows what he’s seen when he’s being a vigilante or whatever.”

“Yeah, sure,” Krystal said sarcastically. “Whatever. You know what I think you should do? Get drunk.”

“I’m not going to get drunk,” you laughed. “I think I’m just going to sleep until tomorrow morning. I don’t want to think about this.”

“It’s only noon.”

“I don’t care. I don’t want to deal with this.”

“You don’t want to deal with this stalker drama or you don’t want to deal with knowing Wonwoo will go through everything on your phone?” suggested Krystal.

“Shut up,” you said. “For real, I’m going to sleep.”

You headed to your room and decided to sleep for the rest of the day. You finally woke up around two am after hours upon hours of sleep. Krystal was still awake, and she had her boyfriend Kai over. They were talking on the couch when you came out.

“Hey, guys,” you said with a small smile. “I didn’t know you were going to be over, Kai.”

“Krystal was just telling me the rundown on your stalker,” explained Kai.

“Oh,” you mumbled. “Yeah.”

“Jason will get what’s coming to him. If not now, when he’s thirty-five and his future wife leaves him,” he laughed.

“Kai, that’s rude,” Krystal said.

“Okay and?”

Krystal moved a little closer to Kai and smiled. It made you miss the days of having a boyfriend, but you knew that missing Jason was detrimental to yourself.

“So are you really having some hacker kid go through all the stuff on your phone just to blackmail Jason? Someone you don’t know?”

“At this point, nothing is really worse than knowing Jason wasn’t leaving me alone, so yeah, I am,” you replied. “He’s gonna be over around noon, by the way.”

“I’m gonna be out,” Krystal said.

“Where?”

“I don’t know. Kai, can I come over to yours?”

“Sure, babe.”

“You just did that so Wonwoo and I would be alone!”

“Also so I won’t have to see Jason’s nudes. I know that Wonwoo will be able to dig some up.”

“Fine.”

“Well, it’s two in the morning and I’ve got to be up at six, so I’ll see you tomorrow,” Krystal said. “C’mon, Kai, we’re going to bed.”

You watched Kai and Krystal leave the room and decided to clean the small apartment. By the time you were finished, the sun was starting to rise and Krystal would be waking up soon to head to the gym for her early morning workouts. Once Krystal was awake, she made some food for the both of you.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay,” she reassured you. “Jason will get whatever’s coming. Don’t worry about it. And you should probably catch a few hours of sleep before Wonwoo comes over, too.”

“Okay,” you agreed. “I’ll go to sleep in a few.”

A few hours later, you were awoken with the sound of Kai attempting to make Krystal a proper breakfast. It was nine in the morning, and you rolled back over only to be bombarded by the pair running into your room with sad looking pancakes.

“Cheer up!” Krystal said. “Just because you have a psycho manipulative stalker ex-boyfriend doesn’t mean you get to act like the world is ending!”

“I think it does mean I get to act like the world is ending,” you replied.

“I tried really hard to make these,” Kai said, shoving the plate in your face. “Come out to the kitchen and eat them, please.”

“Fine,” you grumbled. You got up and followed Kai to the kitchen table. His pancakes weren’t too bad, but they definitely not good. Once you took a bite and gave them a thumbs up, Kai backed off.

“I’ve got to get to work,” he said. “See ya later, guys. I left my keys to my apartment on your nightstand if you still want to go over there when Wonwoo’s here.”

Krystal nodded and smiled at him before leaning over to give him a peck on the cheek. “Okay, be safe.”

The next few hours passed rather quickly, with Krystal running around doing random things and you eating more food than you probably should. Before you knew it, Krystal had left to Kai’s and you were alone, waiting for Wonwoo’s arrival.

Just before noon, there was a knock at the door. You opened it quickly, and there was your expected guest. He had takeout in one hand and your phone in the other.

“I hope you don’t mind,” he said shyly. “I thought it would be good to have lunch since…”

“Oh, thank you!” you replied, taking it from him. You grabbed chopsticks and you both settled down on the couch. There was a gap between the two of you and an awkward silence filled the room. Finally, Wonwoo cleared his throat.

“You know, I don’t think much different of you,” he said quietly. “Except that you’re maybe kinda dumb.”

“I’m dumb?” you questioned.

“Yeah, you’re dumb.” He chuckled softly to himself.

“Why?”

“Because you had barely started texting this guy and you told him everything about yourself. And I mean everything. I think I know you better than I know my brother, now.”

“I don’t know why I did it. I guess he made me feel important.” You sighed and bit your lip before looking up at Wonwoo. “We can see how well that turned out.”

“It’ll be fine. We’ll get him back,” Wonwoo reassured you.

“I honestly thought it was love at first sight. Or something of the sort. I just saw him and knew ‘you’re going to be important in my life.’”

“I don’t believe in love at first sight.”

“Really?” you asked.

“I think you’ve got to know them really well before you can love them,” he said. “Anyway, let’s choose what we want to get started with.”

He pulled out his laptop and opened it up to reveal a file containing every interaction you had with Jason on your phone. “Do you want to start small or start big?”

“Start big,” you said.

“Let’s start with the nudes, then,” he said. “Here’s my idea, but if you don’t like it, we won’t do it.” You nodded in response. “Okay. I have a program on here that creates a protected fake phone number. Almost like a prepaid that you can’t pinpoint. But there actually is no number that exists. It’ll just show up as unknown. I’ll begin sending him pictures he sent you or tell him his own secrets. Just to mess with his mind a little bit, and after that, we’ll tell him to stay away from girls or we’ll leak it all on the internet.”

“Will you really?”

“No, of course not. I’m not that terrible of a person.”

“Okay,” you acquiesced. “But if it gets shady at any moment, we’re stopping the whole thing.”

“Not to be rude, but it’s already shady.”

“Fine. If it get shadier.”

He nodded and began typing rapidly on his computer until he was at the program that allowed for him to send the messages. He went into the file where he had stored everything from your phone and began clicking until he got to the bad stuff: the pictures.

“Hey, Wonwoo, I have a question,” you said softly. He nodded in reply. “Did you by any chance… see any of me?”

Wonwoo began coughing and refused to make eye contact with you. His cheeks were becoming rosy, and he looked at you. “Yeah. But don’t worry about it. I’m not like that, I swear. I’ve never even had a girlfriend.”

It was your turn to be uncomfortable. “You’ve never had a girlfriend? How old are you?”

“I’m almost twenty-two…”

“Why not? You seem completely normal. If a psycho like Jason could get a girlfriend, you easily could.”

“But a psycho like your ex also goes out and talks to people. This… this is my life. I don’t talk to people unless it’s over the computer. How am I supposed to meet someone?”

“Haven’t you ever heard of online dating?”

“God, I’m not that pathetic.”

The computer pinged, and you both turned to look at it. Jason had replied.

who is this

IT DOESN’T MATTER. YOU’LL NEVER FIND ME ANYWAY

who tf is this i swear to god i will find you and beat your ass

YOU MIGHT BE SMART BUT I AM SMARTER.

how did you get that picture of my dick

I HAVE MORE

who is giving this to you

NO ONE OF ANY IMPORTANCE. STAY AWAY FROM ________ OR I’LL LEAK THEM

nice try

Wonwoo looked at you expectantly. “What do you want to do?”

“Keep it up. Send in more.”

image: sent

wtf

I HAVE MORE

leave me alone

NOT UNTIL YOU LEAVE _______ ALONE

who are you you’re not her she’s above this

IT ISN’T RELEVANT

ok fine but ur fucking weird

LEAVE ________ ALONE

nah bro. I gotta have fun in mexico with my fam but this conversation isnt over be back in two hours

“Now all we can do is wait,” he said.

“I don’t know why he’s so dumb. If someone was blackmailing me, I’d just stop whatever I was doing.”

“Not to be rude, but apparently you don’t have good taste in intelligent men. Or in men in general.”

“You’re kinda rude, you know that?”

“I’m more socially awkward than rude. It’s usually pretty hard for me to talk to someone like we are now.”

“Aren’t I special?”

“Yeah, actually, you kinda are.”

“Aw, you say I have shit taste in men and then tell me I’m special. My heart is melting,” you deadpanned.

“It’s true. This guy doesn’t have common sense, sends shitty dick pics, treats you like shit, and did I mention that he’s also not that much of a looker?”

“You think I don’t know that he’s a terrible, ugly, dumb person?”

“I think you’re way out of his league.”

“Oh,” you said quietly. You felt your face flush but refused to look at him. “Can we talk about anything else? You know basically everything about me; it’s my turn to know everything about you.”

In most cases, Wonwoo would’ve objected completely. This wasn’t comfortable for him, it wasn’t fun, either. But when it came to you, he was okay with it. You were open about yourself with him, so he didn’t see any reason not to be open with you. Besides, he’d practically seen you naked at this point, so he knew you couldn’t judge him.

The conversation flowed easily, the both of you talking about your family, your lives before college, the college experience, your friends, your interests, the things that made you happy, the things that made you cry. With every sentence exchanged, you felt a stronger connection to Wonwoo. This time when you felt that he was going to be important in your life, you knew that it wasn’t your brain being dumb and desperate. It was honest, and it was real.

Before the either of you realized it, the two hours were up and Jason had replied. Again, it was something stupid.

I’m not fucking dumb. I know how to hack too. I swear on my life that i will find out whoever you are. you can’t hide from me

This time Wonwoo looked genuinely concerned. He turned to you and asked, “Do you think he actually is good enough to find me?”

“Why are you asking me!” you exclaimed. “You told me we wouldn’t be caught. I swear to god, Wonwoo, if we get caught, I’m going to beat you up.”

“I know, but he seems smart enough technologically. And if he knows people…”

“The only people he knows that are into IT are the people at this school. And anybody that could help him already knows how insane he is, so I think we’re going to be fine.”

“Okay,” he said as he processed what to do next. “Also, for the record, I don’t think you could beat me up.”

“You’re a literal string bean. I probably weigh way more than you. Just because you’re tall doesn’t mean you can’t get your ass whooped.”

Wonwoo laughed. “I’m starting to really like you,” he blurted. His eyes widened as you looked up at him. “As a friend, of course.”

“Of course.” You took the laptop from hi shands and began typing a message to Jason yourself in an attempt to ease the awkwardness of the situation.

I DON’T THINK YOU’LL BE ABLE TO FIND ME, BUT YOU CAN TRY. DON’T FORGET, I HAVE MORE. I CAN AND WILL USE IT AGAINST YOU IF YOU DON’T TURN YOURSELF IN FOR MANIPULATING, ABUSING, AND STALKING _______.

“Is that really going to work?” asked Wonwoo.

“Of course not,” you laughed. “He’s got his head up his ass. But it will let him know that we’re serious, and when people make it repeatedly obvious that something really bothers them, he stops. But it takes a long time. I don’t know how long you’ll have to do it.”

“He’s such a jerk. I can’t believe you dated him.”

“I didn’t just date him. I told the boy I loved him. Even worse, I slept with him!”

“Spare me the details,” laughed Wonwoo. “What do you want to do now?”

“I think that we’ll just have to top for now. But if I were you, I’d send him one embarrassing secret or picture a day. Don’t say anything, just send it so he knows that it’s you. And then we can meet up sometime soon and actually talk and mess with him.”

“Okay,” he said. “That’ll work. I’ll text you whatever I send.”

“Please don’t,” you said. “I never want to see his nudes ever again. Or his face. Or a drunken video of him professing his love to me.”

“Okay then. I’ll text you when I send him something.”

“Much better.”

“Well, I should get going now,” Wonwoo said quietly. “I’ll see you around.”

“Thanks for this,” you said, “and the takeout.”

“My pleasure.”

As Wonwoo left the apartment, you began to wonder what this all meant. He couldn’t like you, could he? He didn’t believe in loving right away, but did that spread to liking? You waited until Krystal got home to discuss it. She was far better versed in this area and would be able to give you good advice. Krystal texted you around six saying that she was finally leaving Kai’s since Taemin would be back from vacation and that she was heading home. You were waiting for her in the living room, and the moment she walked through the door, you began blurting out everything that happened.

“Oh my god, does Jeon Wonwoo have a crush on the ______ ______?” asked Krystal.

“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you!” you replied.

“I think he does!” Krystal said. “Actually, I know he does. Keep up the good work, tiger.” She winked at you and walked away.

“Wait!” you called out. “What do I do?”

“I don’t know,” she replied. “Wonwoo’s… he’s quiet, shy. You’re going to have to take this slow.”

“Okay,” you said. “I think I am more than capable of doing that.”

The weeks went by of blink-and-you-miss-it flirting over text messages with Wonwoo. The texts were pretty mundane, but you had found yourself loving every time your phone pinged with a notification from Wonwoo. You met up once a week to message Jason together, and each time something would happen. The brush of fingertips, an arm around a shoulder, a shared laugh, thighs touching while you sat. Nothing about what the two of you had was platonic.

After a few days, Wonwoo asked you two to meet up again. This time, it was at his apartment rather than yours. Krystal and Kai were throwing a small party, and Wonwoo didn’t want to be there, so you obliged to meeting with him at his home.

Wonwoo’s apartment was vintage, beige, and filled with things you never would’ve imagined it to be. There were books everywhere, a record player, and a leather sofa that looked straight out of a fifties movie.

“So you know we’re pretty close to cracking him,” Wonwoo said. “I mean, did you see those last messages? He sounded like he was going to have an emotional breakdown.”

“Yeah,” you muttered.

“Did I do something wrong?” asked Wonwoo, noticing the hesitation in your voice and attitude.

“No, no,” you said. “I just wonder if I did.”

“What do you mean?”

“Am I any better than him by blackmailing him?”

Wonwoo was at a loss for words. He looked at you, and then back at the ground. “I honestly don’t know” was his response. He took your hands in his and gave them a gentle squeeze. “Maybe what we did was wrong, but he also did something wrong.”

“Two wrongs don’t make a right, Wonwoo,” you replied. “I feel like a terrible person. I know I hate Jason, but I also know I’m better than this.”

“Well, we can stop,” he said. “We’ll stop right now.”

Wonwoo pulled out his laptop and opened the program he had been using to communicate with Jason.

I’VE DECIDED TO LET YOU BE. WHAT I AM DOING TO YOU IS JUST AS BAD AS WHAT YOU DID TO ______.

nah its worse fuck u tho

GOODBYE

ya know idk u but u got balls. ______ is lucky to have u ik im psycho when it comes to her but i want her to have the best. I mean the best is me but u seem pretty good too

GOODBYE

You looked up shyly at Wonwoo. “So he thinks you’re my boyfriend, huh?”

“I mean, I’ve been at it for weeks. Almost two months, even,” he said.

“Wonwoo,” you said, getting up. “I think I should go.”

“Why?”

“Well, we did what we meant to do. Blackmail Jason, and now it’s over, so I should go.”

Wonwoo stood up with you. “Okay.” He walked you to the door and watched you put on your shoes before he did the unthinkable. He grabbed you by the arm, pulled you up to him, and placed his mouth on yours. It’s sweet, but it’s short lived because Wonwoo immediately pulled away to look at you.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. Instead, you just laugh, and you pull him down to you. Suddenly, your arms are around his neck and his hands are in your hair and you are feeling everything and nothing at the same time. And then you’re laughing, and he’s laughing, and you pull away to catch your breath.

“Wow,” he said. “That’s…”

“That’s what?”

“Wow.”

“Yeah,” you muttered, pulling him in for a hug. He buried his face in your hair and then lifted your chin up for one more kiss.

“Are you sure you want to go?” he asked.

“I’m sure I want to stay.”

[thelifeofasloth]

Friend Zone ~ Harry Styles Smut Part One

Jeez it has been a long time.  This is part one of the smut, and the next part will have the smut in.  I just did not know how to fit it in, plus I have idea’s leading up to the smut rather than it just being about sex because I find those imagines quite boring.  Anyway enjoy and see you soon.

Want too see more of my work? MASTERLIST

PART TWO

Being friends with Harry had its ups and downs.  You knew it would be challenging after he got famous, but to you it was just the boy you had known since you were children.  That was until he started to play with your feelings and made you feel as though he liked you.  You see he was perfect too you when he was home from tour, treating you as though you were his girlfriend.  So, obviously like many human beings do your feelings for him began to grow.  You believed in your heart that he felt this way too.  But, as you were young and naive you allowed yourself too to fall into this trap. That was until you both were at a party celebrating his album release and you over heard conversations from people around you about all the girls Harry had been sleeping with this past month, you knew he had a total which he would say was untrue every time you brought it up.  But, these people were not some news companies, these were all his friends and family and they had no reason to lie, right?  So, this is when it began, you went to house parties saw Harry get with many girls one after the other and then when they were no longer around he would have you.  

You did feel as though you were degrading yourself, part of you regretted ever sleeping with him in the first place.  But, for some reason you continued to be there for him when he was no longer with anymore girls.  Hoping that one day he would turn around and say that he regretted ever getting with them in the first place and only wanted you.  As you can guess this never happened.  So, you decided to distance yourself away from Harry.  This was the last thing you did want to happen as Harry was your best friend.  But, you knew for your own mind you needed this break.  You needed new people to spend time with, and maybe… hopefully get a new boy.  

So, this is where the night had begun, you had not seen Harry in little over a month and you felt deep down that you had moved on.  Which is why when your friends let you know he would be there you said you did not mind. That you were adults who would be able to solve their differences when the time arouse.  You also decided tonight was perfect to show him you were fully over him, and that you were happy to be in the friendzone.  This was going to be the night you finally made your move on some fresh meat, and let me tell you.  You were very excited.  

You made your way into the kitchen and loaded your cup with vodka, knowing deep down you are going to need it after what you are going to face tonight.  You were quiet a shy person most of the time opting to be somewhere alone than with a large group of people.  But, once you begin to have alcohol in your system you don’t mind where you are if its somewhere there is more alcohol.  You began socializing and making yourself known at the party, so that if there were any potentials here they knew that you were available.  You hadn’t seen Harry yet and this you were happy with. The longer you didn’t see him the better, that boy could get under your skin even with small reasons.  You then decided that the kitchen was not the best place to get noticed so you made your way up to the living room where to music was playing, hopefully there would be some attractive people in there.  The night was still young but you needed at least a few hours to know if this person is someone you want to get with.

As you walked in already feeling the effects of the alcohol you noticed Harry leaning up the side of the entrance to the living room on his phone.  You decided not to look for long just in case he looked up and noticed you. He was looking good, his hair pushed back with his shirt unbuttoned half way, and his black jeans on tight.  He did not even need to do anything and he got you flustered.  

When you walked past him you saw in the corner of your eye that he looked up and glanced at you. Which you did not acknowledge as you knew full well that’s what he wanted you too to do.  You began to chat with some boys none being interesting enough to keep a conversation longer than half an hour.  You had cleaned out two rooms of the house already and these boys were not even above average.  Which made you go to the final place and that was in the back yard.  This was usually where all the people who did not want to socialise much came.  There were only 5 boys out here and again they were not even good at a conversation, and most of them smelled like virgins which is not what you needed now. So, you sat down away from everyone and sighed.  This must be the worse night ever that you did not pull, knowing full well Harry is inside finishing off his 6th girl of the night.  This made you feel even worse, so you downed your other drink and grabbed a bottle from the table to quickly drink too.  You looked up to make eye contact with the one boy you had been trying to avoid all today, which he did not seem to notice the death stare and mistake it with a come here stare.  

“Well what can I say, you tried your best it seems” Harry smirked down at you while placing his beet bottle down on the table and sitting opposite you.

“And why do you say that Styles, weren’t stalking me now were you?  Has the music really gone that bad you have moved to investigation?”  you half laughed while standing your ground.

“Some call it stalking, I on the other hand call it observing love.  And you have been trying so hard.  I think you’ve bled this whole place dry with cock.  Well that is apart from one of course” He winked over at you.

“Oh, Harry that ship sailed a long time ago, after you telling me how many times you wished it was me in bed with you apart from… what’s her name now?  Hannah? Gabby? Karen?  I can’t think of the name there’s just been so many”

“Okay Y/N you have made your point.  But, that seriously can’t be the reason you haven’t spoken to me for so long.  But, alas they do say that jealousy is the key reason people fall out so much”  he pushed while putting his hand under his chin acting as though he was deep in thought.

“No if you must know Harry I got fed up.  I was young and you kept feeding me bullshit.  I am so sorry that I could not be everything that you needed in a girl but I really could not care less.  For once I don’t care if I am your type, because you don’t deserve me.  You never did, and I am so glad I have finally realised that.  Now if you would excuse me, I have more important people to speak to” you began walking away, but you stopped in your tracks as soon as you heard Harry scoff behind you.  “Pardon?” You turned around with a disgusted look on your face.  “Did you just scoff at me?”

“Yes, Y/N I did because that is the biggest amount of bullshit I have heard in all my life.  I have been doing some digging myself you see. I asked Jenny, who turns out to be very much obsessed with your life and she told me some valuable information. She told me that you came here to see if you were fully over me, which I have to agree you have tried your best to show me but having not actually pulled anyone makes me think.”

“Oh, Harry you really listened to Jenny.  Let me put something straight in that little head of yours” you said while walking slowly over to Harry until you were just in front of him.  “Jenny is full of shit, and so are you” You then walked away and decided to sit upstairs before anything else could go on.  You needed sleep and personally this party was not going the way you hoped it would, you did make sure to grab the vodka before you went upstairs.  Hopefully this will allow you to forget what’s happening today, and to forget how you feel about Harry.

You were scrolling through Instagram liking everything that you saw, downing shots as you went.  It had been a few hours since your confrontation with Harry and you still hadn’t passed out or fallen asleep.  Either one would have been best right now.  You did not know how to think, how can you like someone that is so annoying and inconsiderate to your feelings.  You knew deep down that you would forgive Harry, and if he were to come in here today you would probably make a very drunken decision and have sex with him.  Which you knew deep down was not the best decision, but right now you really did not care.  

 You got woken up by someone moving next to you, which made you flinch.  You were unsure who this person was, and having your back to them you were unsure if you wanted to know who it was in the first place.  Building up the courage you turned around and saw a very familiar face, Harry.  This made you contemplate your entire life, there is no way you two had sex.  Yes, this was in your mind at the time.  But, there is no way your drunken self-decided this was a promising idea.  No way!

Your conscious self must have woken Harry also as you heard him groan next to you, which was very hot by the way.  “Harry, we better not have had sex I swear to God” Harry began to laugh which angered you even more.  

“No love, we didn’t. Even though you very much wanted too.” Harry giggled again.

“What do you mean I wanted too?”

“You jumped on me babe, but I do have respect for woman and considering you were blind out drunk I did not find it appropriate to have sex with you.  It was very tempting though my love”

“This is so humiliating, I AM NEVER DRINKING AGAIN!  And that is most definitely a promise” Harry laughed at you before he began to get changed and head out the door.  

“Well, if you ever want to have sex sober I will be more than happy” He smirked before making his way out the door and leaving you with your own thoughts.

[fayecallasdatingblog]

What Does Clingy Mean? 16 Signs You’re Being Clingy

You’ve been told in the past that you’re a clingy girlfriend. But what does being clingy really mean? You might just feel like you’re showing how much you care for a man…so why does he take it as you being clingy? And how can you keep from turning off your next boyfriend?

16 Signs to Watch for That You’re Being Clingy

Naturally, you do not want to be clingy. Am I right? I’m guessing you don’t realize that your behavior might turn off men that you date, and I want to help you discover what behaviors might be construed as clingy so you can avoid them.

1. You’re Insecure When You’re Not With Him

If you don’t naturally feel like a secure woman — either because you never have been one or because you’ve been in a bad relationship that took away your confidence — you may worry when you’re apart that he’s not really into you…or that he’s with another woman.

This is a tricky one because you have to first find confidence within yourself before you can be a good partner. When you’re confident, you are assured that the man you’re dating is into you. And by you exuding that confidence, you make him want you even more.

If you find that you are insecure when you’re apart, try not to bombard him with calls, texts, or questions. Realize that a healthy couple spends time apart, and that when you do spend time together again, you’ll have lots to catch up on.

2. You Turn Down Invites from Friends To Spend Time with Him

Your group of girlfriends goes out every Thursday for happy hour, but you can’t remember the last time you went.

Why?

Because you’d rather hang out with your man. Not that he’s demanding your time every Thursday…you just neglect to mention to him that you were invited to hang out with your friends.

The problem with spending less time with your friends is that you can’t guarantee the man you’re dedicating so much time to will even be around in a few months. If you piss off your friends by never hanging out with them, do you think they’ll be very sympathetic to you when you break up with this man?

Friends come first. Period. A good man won’t want to take away the time you spend with them. If you do put him first, he probably will see it as you being clingy.

And just a heads up: your friends probably aren’t going to like your boyfriend much if you always hang out with him, even if he doesn’t deserve their dislike.

3. He’s Always Your #1 Priority

You put him before everything. Not good!

You’re going out on a double date with your BFF. When she suggests a Mexican restaurant, you say, “oh, I don’t know. Bobby doesn’t really like Mexican food.”

When you order pizza with your boyfriend, you always let him order one with pineapples…even though you hate them.

You stay up way past your bedtime to talk to him on the phone because he’s a night owl.

Essentially, you’re shaping your decisions around what he wants, not around your own wants or needs.

Let me ask you: how long do you think you can sustain this? How long can you put someone else first? I’ve gotta be honest: I’ve never known a successful relationship where that worked long-term.

Certainly you should compromise from time to time. Let him pick the show on Netflix tonight. Give him the bigger half of the cupcake. But your needs are important too, and by giving him what he wants all the time, you’re not letting him see the real you.

4. You Text Him Constantly

Look at your text chain with this guy. How many texts in a row did you send him last without him responding? If you’re double texting (or even quadruple texting!), you may come off as being clingy.

That’s not to say that if you text him once and then remember something else you wanted to say, you can’t occasionally send a couple of texts in a row. But if you text a lot because you haven’t heard from him in a reasonable period of time, he’s going to be turned off.

Listen. I know that you’re really stoked to have finally found a great guy. And maybe he’s distracting you from being able to get any work done. I get it. But realize that if he’s not texting you back at 10 am on a Monday morning, it’s because he’s busy.

Not because he’s not into you.

Not because he’s with another woman.

He’s busy.

So rather than letting your imagination run wild about what he’s doing while he’s not texting you, be glad that he’s a well-rounded individual. Then consider finding new hobbies so you can be one, too.

5. You’re Offended If He Goes Out Without You

via GIPHY

“Hey babe. I’m gonna go shoot hoops with the boys tonight. I’ll text you after.”

When you hear this, you’re instantly jealous. Why’s he gotta spend time with his boys? Are you not important? You start fuming and gearing for a fight.

Realize that you may have an insecure attachment style, and this might keep you from seeing things (like him going out without you) from his perspective. You may want to spend all of your time with him and be frustrated if he doesn’t feel the same way, but realize that everyone is different. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you.

6. You Worry He’s Cheating (When He Isn’t)

You saw how he looked at the waitress at the restaurant last night and worry that he went back to get her number. Whenever you’re not together, you fret that he’s with another woman.

Unless you have a real reason to suspect he’s cheating, thinking like this goes back to your insecurity. Maybe you don’t really feel like a guy this great could only be interested in you, so you start building these stories in your head about how he’s being unfaithful. And you start being clingy.

Be careful. If you accuse him of cheating when he absolutely isn’t, he may get frustrated that you don’t trust him, and you might push him away when that’s really the last thing you want to do.

There’s a way to talk to him about your insecurities…and it doesn’t involve finger-pointing. Open up to him about your thoughts and let him reassure you that he cares.

7. You Look to Him for Your Happiness

When Rod Tidwell (played by Tom Cruise) tells Dorothy Boyd (played by Renee Zellweger) “you complete me” in Jerry Maguire, you totally get it because that’s how you feel about this man.

The problem with looking for someone else to complete you or make you happy is that they never can. Happiness has to come from within, otherwise you’ll find yourself being clingy and trying to spend as much time with this guy as possible…and still you won’t be happy.

At the same time, you’ll push him away and then he’ll leave…and you’ll definitely be unhappy.

Focus on finding ways to be happy outside of a relationship. Do the things you enjoy. Spend time with your friends. A man should be part of your life…but he shouldn’t be your life.

8. You Facebook Stalk Your Man

You check up on what he’s doing on social media.

Maybe before you even decided to commit to one another, you were on Facebook seeing what this guy was up to. Maybe you did your homework before your first date to check up on him, and now that you’re in a relationship, you’re still lurking on his profile.

“Bethany? Who’s Bethany? Why’s she hearting his photo?”

“When did he eat Mexican? He knows I love Mexican!”

You’re reading far too much into his social media activity, and it’s making you a little wonky. This is definitely one of the signs you’re being clingy, so go on a Facebook Fast. Stay away from his profile and focus on getting to know him in person.

9. You’ve Broken Into His Phone to See Who He’s Texting

You’re so sure that he’s texting another woman that when he’s in the bathroom, you break into his phone (of course, you know his password). You probably don’t find any evidence to back up your worries, but you’ve just violated his trust in a major way.

You have to ask yourself why you’re being clingy like this. Did something happen in a past relationship that has made it difficult to trust men? Learn to leave the past behind and start anew with this man, because he doesn’t deserve your mistrust.

10. You Have No Life Outside of Him

It started when you began declining invites from friends. Now your social circle has shrunk to just the two of you on your side (he still has friends that he tries to spend time with, though it causes arguments with you).

You might be perfectly happy making this guy your world, but he may not be. And it isn’t healthy. When you come to rely on one person for your fulfillment you limit your potential for happiness. What happens if the relationship ends and you’re left friendless and alone? Food for thought.

You’ll learn to be a happier person if you develop a life full of satisfying activities and people outside of the man you’re in a relationship with. And your relationship will be stronger for it.

11. You Act The Way You Think He Wants You To

If you’re hiding who you are, you can’t have an honest relationship.

Normally you’re pretty strong-willed, but you find yourself acting shy and demure around your new boyfriend.

Why? Because you think that’s how he wants you to be.

The problem with changing how you are for someone else is that it’s difficult to put on that mask long-term. Sure, for a few months you might be able to pull off being dainty and delicate, but if that’s not who you really are, sooner or later, that brash and sassy self will break through.

And that’s completely okay. If this man wants you to be someone you’re not, he’s not the man for you. The right man will love you for all your quirks. He’ll love the fact that you whistlesnore. That you talk with your mouth full when you get excited. That you are the life of the party.

So rather than acting like someone else, work on finding someone that wants you to be authentic.

12. You Constantly Need Reassurance That He Cares

Another sign of being clingy is that you constantly want him to tell you he loves you or misses you(if you’re there yet in your relationship; otherwise you just want clues that he’s into you).

Your biggest fear is losing him, and so you constantly tell him that you love him…and wait. I don’t know…I always feel like saying “I love you” or “I miss you” just to hear it back is kinda devious. If you feel it, sure, say it. But don’t sit waiting for him to respond or requiring him to tell you how much he adores you 100 times a day.

13. You Worry About Him Breaking Up with You

You lie awake at night and wonder when it’ll happen…

…you’ve been anticipating it from the beginning…

…you hold your breath each day, thinking today might be the day…

…that he breaks up with you.

Every time you get into the tiniest argument, you’re sure this will be the one to end it all.

What?! That’s no way to be in a relationship. If you’re worried he’s going to end things, why are you with him? Why are you so certain that he’s staying in a relationship when he isn’t happy?

Your insecurities are rearing their ugly heads again.

There’s a research study out there that found that, when people worry about the possibility of their relationship ending, their feelings of romance and attachment dwindle. Ask yourself whether your worries might be keeping this relationship from realizing its full potential.

14. You Overaccommodate Him

You spoil him…but let him spoil you!

When he comes to your place after work, you’ve got his beer chilled in his favorite mug and his favorite sports team on the television. You defer to him about making plans every time you go out.

You are, in a sense, coddling him.

Sure, it’s nice to feel taken care of once in a while in a relationship, but it should be a back-and-forth between partners, not one-sided.

He may feel like you’re being clingy if you’re there to fulfill his every wish. That feels more to him like a fantasy, when all he wants is the reality of you.

15. You’re Jealous of His Friends

“I wish you wouldn’t hang out with Ted,” you say, “I think he’s bad for you.”

The truth is: you’re jealous of Ted. They’ve been friends since they were boys, and he tells Ted everything. You want that same bond with your man that Ted has, and you feel like he’s getting in the way.

And if he’s got female friends? That’s a whole other level of jealousy. You might worry that he’ll fall for one and that makes you feel vulnerable.

The thing is: if this guy deserves to be trusted, then you have to trust him. He needs both his friends and you in his world, so try to accept that.

16. You Push for the Relationship to Move Ahead Too Soon

Another sign of being clingy I’ve seen with my coaching clients is when they try to move the relationship forward too quickly. Maybe after a few dates, you’re ready to lock it down and make this guy your boyfriend. And maybe he’s down with that…but there’s also a good chance that he’s not.

If this guy you’re dating is The One, it’ll happen. You can’t rush true love, so try to savor whatever stage you’re in and then enjoy the process of falling for one another.

How to Stop Being a Clingy Girlfriend

Being aware that you’re being clingy is the first step to improvement.

So maybe you’ve identified several of these signs of being clingy and realize you’ve been guilty of them. Now you’re ready to do better.

Work On Your Confidence

I cannot stress enough from Meet Positives SM Feed https://sexyconfidence.com/being-clingy/ via IFTTT

[travisandersondatingblog]

What Does Clingy Mean? 16 Signs You’re Being Clingy

You’ve been told in the past that you’re a clingy girlfriend. But what does being clingy really mean? You might just feel like you’re showing how much you care for a man…so why does he take it as you being clingy? And how can you keep from turning off your next boyfriend?

16 Signs to Watch for That You’re Being Clingy

Naturally, you do not want to be clingy. Am I right? I’m guessing you don’t realize that your behavior might turn off men that you date, and I want to help you discover what behaviors might be construed as clingy so you can avoid them.

1. You’re Insecure When You’re Not With Him

If you don’t naturally feel like a secure woman — either because you never have been one or because you’ve been in a bad relationship that took away your confidence — you may worry when you’re apart that he’s not really into you…or that he’s with another woman.

This is a tricky one because you have to first find confidence within yourself before you can be a good partner. When you’re confident, you are assured that the man you’re dating is into you. And by you exuding that confidence, you make him want you even more.

If you find that you are insecure when you’re apart, try not to bombard him with calls, texts, or questions. Realize that a healthy couple spends time apart, and that when you do spend time together again, you’ll have lots to catch up on.

2. You Turn Down Invites from Friends To Spend Time with Him

Your group of girlfriends goes out every Thursday for happy hour, but you can’t remember the last time you went.

Why?

Because you’d rather hang out with your man. Not that he’s demanding your time every Thursday…you just neglect to mention to him that you were invited to hang out with your friends.

The problem with spending less time with your friends is that you can’t guarantee the man you’re dedicating so much time to will even be around in a few months. If you piss off your friends by never hanging out with them, do you think they’ll be very sympathetic to you when you break up with this man?

Friends come first. Period. A good man won’t want to take away the time you spend with them. If you do put him first, he probably will see it as you being clingy.

And just a heads up: your friends probably aren’t going to like your boyfriend much if you always hang out with him, even if he doesn’t deserve their dislike.

3. He’s Always Your #1 Priority

You put him before everything. Not good!

You’re going out on a double date with your BFF. When she suggests a Mexican restaurant, you say, “oh, I don’t know. Bobby doesn’t really like Mexican food.”

When you order pizza with your boyfriend, you always let him order one with pineapples…even though you hate them.

You stay up way past your bedtime to talk to him on the phone because he’s a night owl.

Essentially, you’re shaping your decisions around what he wants, not around your own wants or needs.

Let me ask you: how long do you think you can sustain this? How long can you put someone else first? I’ve gotta be honest: I’ve never known a successful relationship where that worked long-term.

Certainly you should compromise from time to time. Let him pick the show on Netflix tonight. Give him the bigger half of the cupcake. But your needs are important too, and by giving him what he wants all the time, you’re not letting him see the real you.

4. You Text Him Constantly

Look at your text chain with this guy. How many texts in a row did you send him last without him responding? If you’re double texting (or even quadruple texting!), you may come off as being clingy.

That’s not to say that if you text him once and then remember something else you wanted to say, you can’t occasionally send a couple of texts in a row. But if you text a lot because you haven’t heard from him in a reasonable period of time, he’s going to be turned off.

Listen. I know that you’re really stoked to have finally found a great guy. And maybe he’s distracting you from being able to get any work done. I get it. But realize that if he’s not texting you back at 10 am on a Monday morning, it’s because he’s busy.

Not because he’s not into you.

Not because he’s with another woman.

He’s busy.

So rather than letting your imagination run wild about what he’s doing while he’s not texting you, be glad that he’s a well-rounded individual. Then consider finding new hobbies so you can be one, too.

5. You’re Offended If He Goes Out Without You

via GIPHY

“Hey babe. I’m gonna go shoot hoops with the boys tonight. I’ll text you after.”

When you hear this, you’re instantly jealous. Why’s he gotta spend time with his boys? Are you not important? You start fuming and gearing for a fight.

Realize that you may have an insecure attachment style, and this might keep you from seeing things (like him going out without you) from his perspective. You may want to spend all of your time with him and be frustrated if he doesn’t feel the same way, but realize that everyone is different. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you.

6. You Worry He’s Cheating (When He Isn’t)

You saw how he looked at the waitress at the restaurant last night and worry that he went back to get her number. Whenever you’re not together, you fret that he’s with another woman.

Unless you have a real reason to suspect he’s cheating, thinking like this goes back to your insecurity. Maybe you don’t really feel like a guy this great could only be interested in you, so you start building these stories in your head about how he’s being unfaithful. And you start being clingy.

Be careful. If you accuse him of cheating when he absolutely isn’t, he may get frustrated that you don’t trust him, and you might push him away when that’s really the last thing you want to do.

There’s a way to talk to him about your insecurities…and it doesn’t involve finger-pointing. Open up to him about your thoughts and let him reassure you that he cares.

7. You Look to Him for Your Happiness

When Rod Tidwell (played by Tom Cruise) tells Dorothy Boyd (played by Renee Zellweger) “you complete me” in Jerry Maguire, you totally get it because that’s how you feel about this man.

The problem with looking for someone else to complete you or make you happy is that they never can. Happiness has to come from within, otherwise you’ll find yourself being clingy and trying to spend as much time with this guy as possible…and still you won’t be happy.

At the same time, you’ll push him away and then he’ll leave…and you’ll definitely be unhappy.

Focus on finding ways to be happy outside of a relationship. Do the things you enjoy. Spend time with your friends. A man should be part of your life…but he shouldn’t be your life.

8. You Facebook Stalk Your Man

You check up on what he’s doing on social media.

Maybe before you even decided to commit to one another, you were on Facebook seeing what this guy was up to. Maybe you did your homework before your first date to check up on him, and now that you’re in a relationship, you’re still lurking on his profile.

“Bethany? Who’s Bethany? Why’s she hearting his photo?”

“When did he eat Mexican? He knows I love Mexican!”

You’re reading far too much into his social media activity, and it’s making you a little wonky. This is definitely one of the signs you’re being clingy, so go on a Facebook Fast. Stay away from his profile and focus on getting to know him in person.

9. You’ve Broken Into His Phone to See Who He’s Texting

You’re so sure that he’s texting another woman that when he’s in the bathroom, you break into his phone (of course, you know his password). You probably don’t find any evidence to back up your worries, but you’ve just violated his trust in a major way.

You have to ask yourself why you’re being clingy like this. Did something happen in a past relationship that has made it difficult to trust men? Learn to leave the past behind and start anew with this man, because he doesn’t deserve your mistrust.

10. You Have No Life Outside of Him

It started when you began declining invites from friends. Now your social circle has shrunk to just the two of you on your side (he still has friends that he tries to spend time with, though it causes arguments with you).

You might be perfectly happy making this guy your world, but he may not be. And it isn’t healthy. When you come to rely on one person for your fulfillment you limit your potential for happiness. What happens if the relationship ends and you’re left friendless and alone? Food for thought.

You’ll learn to be a happier person if you develop a life full of satisfying activities and people outside of the man you’re in a relationship with. And your relationship will be stronger for it.

11. You Act The Way You Think He Wants You To

If you’re hiding who you are, you can’t have an honest relationship.

Normally you’re pretty strong-willed, but you find yourself acting shy and demure around your new boyfriend.

Why? Because you think that’s how he wants you to be.

The problem with changing how you are for someone else is that it’s difficult to put on that mask long-term. Sure, for a few months you might be able to pull off being dainty and delicate, but if that’s not who you really are, sooner or later, that brash and sassy self will break through.

And that’s completely okay. If this man wants you to be someone you’re not, he’s not the man for you. The right man will love you for all your quirks. He’ll love the fact that you whistlesnore. That you talk with your mouth full when you get excited. That you are the life of the party.

So rather than acting like someone else, work on finding someone that wants you to be authentic.

12. You Constantly Need Reassurance That He Cares

Another sign of being clingy is that you constantly want him to tell you he loves you or misses you(if you’re there yet in your relationship; otherwise you just want clues that he’s into you).

Your biggest fear is losing him, and so you constantly tell him that you love him…and wait. I don’t know…I always feel like saying “I love you” or “I miss you” just to hear it back is kinda devious. If you feel it, sure, say it. But don’t sit waiting for him to respond or requiring him to tell you how much he adores you 100 times a day.

13. You Worry About Him Breaking Up with You

You lie awake at night and wonder when it’ll happen…

…you’ve been anticipating it from the beginning…

…you hold your breath each day, thinking today might be the day…

…that he breaks up with you.

Every time you get into the tiniest argument, you’re sure this will be the one to end it all.

What?! That’s no way to be in a relationship. If you’re worried he’s going to end things, why are you with him? Why are you so certain that he’s staying in a relationship when he isn’t happy?

Your insecurities are rearing their ugly heads again.

There’s a research study out there that found that, when people worry about the possibility of their relationship ending, their feelings of romance and attachment dwindle. Ask yourself whether your worries might be keeping this relationship from realizing its full potential.

14. You Overaccommodate Him

You spoil him…but let him spoil you!

When he comes to your place after work, you’ve got his beer chilled in his favorite mug and his favorite sports team on the television. You defer to him about making plans every time you go out.

You are, in a sense, coddling him.

Sure, it’s nice to feel taken care of once in a while in a relationship, but it should be a back-and-forth between partners, not one-sided.

He may feel like you’re being clingy if you’re there to fulfill his every wish. That feels more to him like a fantasy, when all he wants is the reality of you.

15. You’re Jealous of His Friends

“I wish you wouldn’t hang out with Ted,” you say, “I think he’s bad for you.”

The truth is: you’re jealous of Ted. They’ve been friends since they were boys, and he tells Ted everything. You want that same bond with your man that Ted has, and you feel like he’s getting in the way.

And if he’s got female friends? That’s a whole other level of jealousy. You might worry that he’ll fall for one and that makes you feel vulnerable.

The thing is: if this guy deserves to be trusted, then you have to trust him. He needs both his friends and you in his world, so try to accept that.

16. You Push for the Relationship to Move Ahead Too Soon

Another sign of being clingy I’ve seen with my coaching clients is when they try to move the relationship forward too quickly. Maybe after a few dates, you’re ready to lock it down and make this guy your boyfriend. And maybe he’s down with that…but there’s also a good chance that he’s not.

If this guy you’re dating is The One, it’ll happen. You can’t rush true love, so try to savor whatever stage you’re in and then enjoy the process of falling for one another.

How to Stop Being a Clingy Girlfriend

Being aware that you’re being clingy is the first step to improvement.

So maybe you’ve identified several of these signs of being clingy and realize you’ve been guilty of them. Now you’re ready to do better.

Work On Your Confidence

I cannot stress enough from Meet Positives SM Feed 3 https://sexyconfidence.com/being-clingy/ via IFTTT

[wellimhavinga3outof10day]

All right, so @thislifeisawasteland tagged me to answer a bunch of questions that are actually an ask meme, but w/e. (There are kind of Riverdale spoilers in this post? I’m bitter, sue me.) Here we go:

Full name: I’m not really gonna tell you that, so settle for Jessica

Zodiac sign: Taurus

3 Fears: Death, spiders... that I’ll never fall in love?

3 things I love: Chocolate, green tea, & my laptop

4 turns ons: Humour, kindness, bad pick-up lines, goofy smiles

4 turns offs: Racism, homophobia, an annoying voice, a terrible smell in general?

My best friend: Like all of them

Sexual orientation: Bi

My best first date: I’ve only had one first date, so walking around the mall

How tall am I: 5'8"

What do I miss: My friends, knowing Jughead was safe and happy smh

What time was I born: 9:04 a.m.

Favourite colour: Red

Do I have a crush: Not unless we’re counting fictional characters

Favourite quote: *gross sobbing* “It’s like my home.” Nah, I’m kidding, I don’t really have a fave quote

Favourite place: My library

Favourite food: Chocolate

Do I use sarcasm: No, never...

What am I listening to right now: "Leave” by Jojo (lmao, idk why)

First thing I notice in new person: Their hair, tbh

Shoe size: 6 1/2 (yes, I have tiny fucking feet)

Eye colour: Blue

Hair colour: Brown/blonde

Favourite style of clothing: Casual, comfy

Ever done a prank call? Yes and omg worst experience of my life, almost had a panic attack, never again

What colour of underwear I’m wearing now? Pink

Meaning behind my URL: It’s a line from White Collar

Favourite movie: He’s Just Not That Into You (it’s on Netflix now, I’m so excited!!), also Pretty in Pink

Favourite song: Atm, “Prom Queen” by Molly Kate Kestner

Favourite band: ??? idk man

How I feel right now: Pretty good

Someone I love: Jughead Jones (honestly, fight me)

My current relationship status: Single af

My relationship with my parents: It’s good

Favourite holiday: Christmas

Tattoos and piercings? My ears are pierced and I have no tattoos

Tattoos and piercing i want: I kinda want a sternum piercing, and a rose vine tattoo up my side

The reason I joined Tumblr: I was filling out my social media quota before I went to uni

Do I and my last ex hate each other? Well, I didn’t think so but then she made me answer all these questions, so? It’s up in the air ;)

Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night” texts? Nah, never (unless you count my mom checking to see if I’m awake when I’m home alone)

Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Nope

When did I last hold hands? ...? Fairly recently probably, I hold my mom’s hand all the time.

How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 20 minutes, maybe?

Have I shaved your legs in the past three days? Nope

Where am I right now? At my desk

If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? N/A, never been that drunk

Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Reasonable (pretty quiet actually if you ask other people)

Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Yup

Am I excited for anything? Jughead to be loved and cared for and warm and safe, for the love of god.

Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? All right, well “can” and “would” are different words, so technically yes, but I wouldn’t?

How often do I wear a fake smile? Rarely

When was the last time I hugged someone? Last night?

What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? Eh, might bug me a little, but you go girl. (I mean, as long as it’s not an old man.)

Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? I don’t think so?

What is something I disliked about today? Today just started, buddy. Umm... for some reason my hands are really sweaty? I hate that?

If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Atm, the cast of Riverdale, but that’ll change in like a month if not a day.

What do I think about most? Probably w/e I’m writing atm.

What’s my strangest talent? ...? I don’t have very minute talents, idk what to tell you. I’m very talented at drinking too much green tea and procrastinating things I actually want to do.

Do I have any strange phobias? Mustard

Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind, probs.

What was the last lie I told? ...? I lie a lot, idk. I probs lied on here. Kidding, don’t think I have. Umm... I honeslty have no idea. It’s anyone’s guess.

Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Both are horrible and probably the worst forms of communication, but I’m gonna go with the phone b/c I have an unnecessary grudge against Skype.

Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Maybe? and yes.

Do I believe in magic? Little magic, sure.

Do I believe in luck? To an extent.

What’s the weather like right now? Sunny, average temp

What was the last book I’ve read? I’m in the middle of Crooked Kingdom right now, but the last book I finished was I’ll Give You The Sun

Do I like the smell of gasoline? Yes

Do I have any nicknames? Yes: Jess, Jessie

What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? I broke my wrist by getting knocked down a hill and landing on concrete.

Do I spend money or save it? Save it.

Can I touch my nose with a tongue? Nope

Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? Yeah, more things than I expected too, tbh.

Favourite animal? Pigs

What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Talking to Rachael on Tumblr/watching Misfits

What do I think is Satan’s last name is? Claus (yes, I know it said Satan not Santa, but it’s a conspiracy)

What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? I Don’t Wanna Be Sad by Simple Plan

How can you win my heart? Be nice and funny and care about me (honestly giving a shit about me is really all I need, my standards are fucking low as shit)

What would I want to be written on my tombstone? Idk but something kind of weird and maybe a quote I like?

What is my favourite word: Feral

My top 5 blogs on tumblr: Ugh, I don’t want to do this.

If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? “I love you, take care of yourselves.”

Do I have any relatives in jail? I don’t think so...

I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Flight

What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Umm... lots of things, I’m sure.

What is my current desktop picture? It’s a city that Natasha made for a class and it’s super pretty and green.

Had sex? Nope

Bought condoms? Yes, actually

Gotten pregnant? Nope

Failed a class? Nope

Kissed a boy? Nope

Kissed a girl? Yup

Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Nope

Had a job? Yes

Left the house without my wallet? All the time

Bullied someone on the internet? I don’t think so, I hope not

Had sex in public? Nope

Played on a sports team? Yes

Smoked weed? No

Did drugs? No

Smoked cigarettes? No

Drank alcohol? Yes

Am I a vegetarian/vegan? No

Been overweight? No

Been underweight? No

Been to a wedding? Yes

Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Yes

Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Yes

Been outside my home country? Yes

Gotten my heart broken? Eh, probably not

Been to a professional sports game? Yes

Broken a bone? Yes

Cut myself? No

Been to prom? Graduation in Canada, but yes

Been in airplane? Yes

Fly by helicopter? No

What concerts have I been to? So I went to like three in a row a few years ago: One Direction, Marianas Trench and... shit, I thought there were three... it might have been two... oh! Shawn Mendes! (And I’m listening to him right now and I forgot that, lmao)

Had a crush on someone of the same sex? Yes

Learned another language? Kinda

Wore make up? Nope

Lost my virginity before I was 18? Nope

Had oral sex? Nope

Dyed my hair? Yes

Voted in a presidential election? Federal election yes, I’m Canadian

Rode in an ambulance? Nope

Had a surgery? Nope

Met someone famous? Nope

Stalked someone on a social network? I don’t think so

Peed outside? Nope

Been fishing? I have.

Helped with charity? Nope

Been rejected by a crush? Yes

Broken a mirror? Nope

What do I want for my birthday? *laughs* Umm... not a clue. 

How many kids do I want and what will be their names? 4: Marcia, Whit, Eli, & Beth

Was I named after anyone? My middle name is my Oma’s middle name too, but my first name’s not from anywhere

Do I like my handwriting? I used to b/c it was literally flawless when I was younger, but now it’s like a mess, so no.

What was my favourite toy as a child? Should I even remember this? Barbies, probably.

Favourite Tv Show? Atm, Riverdale

Where do I want to live when older? Not a clue. Probably Toronto or Vancouver? Maybe somewhere in Europe. Who knows?

Play any musical instrument? I used to play guitar but I probably can’t remember any of it.

One of my scars, how did I get it? Idk if I have any scars, man. There’s like kind of a scar by my elbow? But how I got it is a mystery.

Favourite pizza toping? Green peppers

Am I afraid of the dark? Nope

Am I afraid of heights? Nope

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? No, I don’t think so. (I once was caught squirting water in a guy’s face? But he kind of deserved it.)

Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? I don’t think so...?

What I’m really bad at: Figuring out my life

What my greatest achievements are: I once predicted the end of a book, does that count? And my highest post here is almost at five thousand notes?

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: "I love you, but sometimes I just don’t like you.” (Honestly, I deserved it, but it was savage af.)

What I’d do if I won in a lottery: Buy a house, buy a lot of fandom merch, invest a bunch... 

What do I like about myself: I’m pretty laidback, I know what I want for the most part, and I try to be a good person.

My closest Tumblr friend: Not this again.

Something I fantasise about my ex: (lmao my first instinct was to put “dying” and that’s not true, my babe, I’m sorry) Honestly? Just having sex, like nothing fancy.

[confessionsofablackgirl]

DMC’s, White Guys, and Code Switching

The concept of a DMC (deep meaningful conversation) developed in either 8th or 9th grade with one of my best friends and I. I don’t exactly remember what we were talking about or why we needed to have a DMC when nothing was even happening in our lives, but I distinctly remember that I recognized the ability to have DMC’s with some people and not others.

Yesterday as I sat in one of the living room’s a Latina girl from my FYS came in and we’d started off talking about colonialism but somehow the conversation shifted to race/gender politics of relationships at PWI’s. Such a fun conversation for 8am. I find that, being the stereotypical teenage girl, who regularly has a list of people to have crushes on and is constantly talking about all of them with my friends, this conversation regularly comes up among me and my fellow women of color.

As I gave her my list of five guys (that’s how small this school is. I could only find 5 guys that I think are attractive and one of them is only vaguely attractive…), I hesitated before listing a white guy. Now when I say that this boy seems to be the entire package, I mean it. He’s 6′4 (most important detail first), has broad shoulders, a beautiful face with the cutest rosy cheeks, he plays the guitar, and is close with his sisters, seems to come from some sort of money (see “My Ideal Guy” for detail) and is exceptionally chill compared to the average football player. A total babe. My hesitation did not stem from my choice in men, every guy I choose is above average and comes with a range of benefits, and overall I have wonderful taste. I hesitated before saying “I stalked his Instagram and he’s friends with a couple of black guys, but I’m not sure if he even knows black girl’s exist.”

I’m starting this blog in my seventh year of being a black girl at a PWI, so I know how relationships with white guys work out for me most of the time. They just don't happen. As I told my uncle in the letter I wrote him explaining the social scene here, “my sparkling personality and dashing good looks go ignored by the boys here, just like in high school.” Now clearly, my ego isn’t hurt by this, I know I’m the shit and I’ll be damned before I place my worth in the hands of some random guys, but this is still important for me to talk about. I still enjoy being desired and it feels nice to know that someone’s interested in you. Unfortunately for me, and several other women of color that I’ve talked to, specifically black and Latina women, dating outside of your race just doesn't happen at PWIs, especially small private ones. (Dating inside your race isn’t even an option most times when there are 4 black girls for every black guy, and the 10 of you are all friends.)

So, as I evaluated whether or not I wanted to waste my time even talking about this boy that I’m assuming I would never have a chance with, simply based of off the perceived invisibility caused by my skin color, my friend popped in and wholeheartedly agreed. We went back and forth listing guys we’d liked and guys who’d shown vague interest but nothing had ever happened with, and after a while my friend was like I’m happy so that we can talk about things past small talk. In the month that she had been here all of the conversations she’d had with people were either school related or small talk, because as she said, they’d all been with white people.

One of my closest friends here, another Latina, had mentioned that she “didn’t know how to talk to white people” because at her old school everyone had been a person of color. She didn’t understand the things that white people thought was cool, wasn’t amused by their jokes, and felt odd and out of place around them. I had never thought about the art of holding conversations with white people past the basic level of code switching. While I’m aware of the fact that I tend to speak proper English at school (aka near white people) and ebonics when I’m around family members (aka black people), I never thought about the actual content of the conversation’s being different. After she watched me hangout with some of the people on our OA trip and her roommate and their friends, she proclaimed that “Wow, you really do know how to talk to white people.” I’d never really thought about it but when I think about it, I guess she's not wrong. I went to pretty diverse school until 7th grade when I started at a PWI. I’ve had two white step moms and have hung out with their families all of my life. Right now my best friend is a white guy. So this concept intrigued me, and I immediately thought about it when I was talking to my FYS friend in the living room.

She asked me, what deeper thing do white people talk about? People of color are constantly talking about race issues, micro aggressions, and people just being completely problematic (last night some girl called me another black girl’s name… We look nothing alike. Like not by the face, hair, or body. We don't sound alike. I don't fucking know how we could possibly have gotten mixed up other than the fact that we’re black.) When I’m talking about guys with white girls, it isn’t substantive— it’s just yeah he’s cute/smart/tall/ etc., but for women of color it becomes something deeper and different than that.

I’d like to pause here to talk about the model minority. Because I honestly believe that Asian women have a different dating experience than black and Latina women. Now, all three groups of women definitely get exoticized and over sexualized, but I mean past the blatant racism that we all face. And this is not to say that black and Latina women have the same experience at all, but I think the similarities are more apparent between the two. My other best friend at here is Taiwanese, and I had a best friend in middle/ high school who was Chinese, and another in 3-6th grade who was Korean, so I’ve been closely connected to Asian women and talked to them just as other women of color in close quarters, but I’ve also seen how men react to them. I’ve never had one of these race/dating conversations that merges the problem between being a women of color and dating men outside of our race, and more specifically white men with any of these girls. Maybe this was because I never brought it up— even though knowing who I am as I person, I think I probably would have, or maybe it’s because they don’t have these same problems. I know several guys who have been into all three of my past/present Asian best friends, but none who have liked my black or Latina best friends. Right now, I'm just speculating, but I feel like Asian women might not be as invisible as Latina and black women are and they, like white women don't have to have these conversations.

I digress. As I sat with the girl, having a DMC, I tried to think about the DMC’s I’d had over the years, and rather I’d had any with white people— and I had. They originated with my British best friend in middle school (I’ve had tons of best friends) and I was always in my feelings because I never had them with my other best friend. But I don’t think I’ve had any with the people I hang out with now either and it makes me kinda sad. I love having epiphanies during long conversations with people. Maybe one day I’ll find someone here who I can talk to and really hash out all of life problems with.

[datingadviceonreddit]

So I'll skip a lot of back story here and try and get right to the point. There's a girl that I literally have the biggest Crush on ever, I've had girlfriends before but i've never felt this way about someone.She came out of a really bad relationship before I even knew her, this was about 6 months ago, It's on her mind a lot more than normal now because she should have been due to give birth around this time but she mad a miscarriage right before her break up. I feel bad for her because she's told me the full story and it really is horrible what he did to her and even though it's 6 months later, i'm not surprised she still thinks about it alot.We've always been flirty, I make her laugh, smile etc yeah nothing much but the past few weeks we seem to have gotten a lot closer.So around 2 weeks ago, she was laughing with me and then she was joking about 2 guys who were texting her and she said ''There are some Freaky guys messaging me, There's a 19 year old who's stalking me because i cuddled with him at a party while i was drunk and then there's a guy at the ice-cream store who calls me babe all the time and gives me free ice cream. They're so weird''I'll be honest, It kind of bothered me because i flirt with her alot, I go out of my way to see her which I thought she liked and once when she was upset, I bought her some flowers. All I could think of was ''Is this how she talks about me to other people?''So the next day, I tried so hard not to see her. As i say i normally go out of my way to spend my lunch break with her or make up some excuse to see her. But i decided not to, just in case she get's bored of me, or as i said earlier in case i'm one of her ''weird guys''I went to the bathroom and when i got back she was stood in my store and she looked heartbroken, I aksed what was wrong and she ignored me. I asked what she was doing here and she said ''I feel so sad today and I came here just to see you because you always cheer me up''. I felt like shit.I took her into my office to talk, she asked if i would see her on my lunch break and she'd explain. So i did, I bought her Roses and pizza and she seemed so happy about it. She explained what was wrong (Thinking about her old relationship) and we had a good time but obviously my break was over and i had to go back to my store where i thought (shit i've fucked up buying her flowers)I only see her when we both work, we don't have each other on social media or anything either. So the day after the flower incident, I was working with her friend who said ''You look after her really well, She's not normally like this, but you're really sweet to her'' she asked me if i liked her and i said ''We're not at school, i'm not playing the rumour game but I'm glad i can make her smile, If i like her or not, I won't tell anyone. But She's very special to me and with everything she's going through, I care about her more than I care about alot of people right now'' She said she thinks that she might like me and i just laughed it off, She said ''I asked her a while ago if she liked you and she giggled, blushed and said he's like a brother to me and she said that about another guy she had a crush on'' But as i say, I stopped this right away because we're too old for that kind of thing.I didn't see her for a few days due to me having a day off and her having a day off right after. On my day off, I had a really bad family event happen and it really got to me, so the next day, I was quiet, upset and didn't want to see or talk to anyone and i didn't, I didn't see her for 2 days.On the 3rd day, she asked me if she did something wrong to me because i'm hardly speaking to her i told her no. Then for the first time she was asking me questions about things i'd told her before. Like 'how was your night out with your friends'' etc. It took me back abit because she's never acted that way before.I told her she didn't sound too good and asked if she was okay and she said ''No, I have tonsillitis'' I told her to take antibiotics. Then the phone rang and it was more bad news from my family and it made me really angry, I walked off and she followed me, I was walking fast to the point that she shouted for me to slow down and said ''What is the matter with you lately'' i told her ''nothing'' then she said ''Well you're being angry and sad lately and I don't like it''It honestly made my heart sink, I felt terrible. I looked at her and smiled and said ''Sorry if you think that but i'm fine honestly'' She smiled back and said ''Good'' then i went homeI had to come back later to do some shopping, I walked past her store and I appologised for earlier and said it was fine she said ''You're normally so happy and you always laugh but you're not yourself lately'' Her throat sounded worse so i went and bought her some Pills to help and she hugged me and said ''You really know how to look after me''I text her later that night and basically apologised to her and said that if i've made her feel bad, i'm sorry but you mean alot to me and i don't mean any harm. We've never really text eachother before. I waited an hour but no reply. Then she did reply''It's fine, don't worry about it. You just don't seem yourself at the moment so i'm obviously gonna worry about you. I'm not in the greatest mindsets at the moment but you can talk to me about anything, you know that. Whatever it is that's making you feel down and upset, don't let it. Enjoy your night''And that's it, i'm taking a few days off now to focus on my family and i'll see her early next week. She means alot to me and i'm starting to think we have mutual feelings. I really want to ask her on a date but I don't want her to think that i'm targeting her for being vulnerable lately.Also before people comment saying she likes the gifts and attention etc, No, that really isn't the case, I've bought her flowers twice and a slice of pizza, nothing more.any help would be great. Thanks via /r/dating_advice