#back to cohen. i mean. half of the songs on Songs of Love and Hate are perfectly suited for Goncharov

[malvolios-yellow-stockings]

Okay, but hear me out-

That fucking alleyway scene. It fucks so hard with Leonard Cohen's Avalanche.

I mean come on.

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #576

Top Ten Years for Music

Yeah I’m doing it again, and this was the hardest one to do. Because generally speaking I don’t really associate music with the year it came out. Almost all of the time I come to it a lot later – which is why there are hardly any recent years on this list. I’ll probably be into a half-dozen songs from 2022 in fifteen years.

Music, to me, was always a background thing. I never had a desire to seek it out or find out what I was into in the same way I’ve always wanted to know more about film. And as such, when I became a bit older, I felt very out of touch and ill-informed by what music was around. The first CDs I ever bought were soundtrack albums because I just didn’t know what bands I liked, and by then I was also infected by the teenage need to like the right bands. What if I accidentally bought something by someone who wasn’t cool? Or if I mentioned liking them but then exposed how I only liked them because I liked that one song of theirs that was in a Curly Wurly ad or something?

Despite this, we’re still going to see a whole lot of nostalgia on this list. Is it always the case that the music that really resonates is the music you listen to in your teenage years? Even if – like me – you weren’t going to concerts or buying tons of CDs, the music permeates your social consciousness from the radio, from hearing it played in stores, from seeing the artists on TV, and from your friends talking about it. I didn’t own a Blur CD until 1999 and I don’t think I’ve owned one by Oasis, but I could have explained the broad strokes of their music and their rivalry back when Country House and Roll With It released in the same week. So it all sticks and it becomes part of your DNA, the soundtrack to whatever dumb crap you were doing at the time.

Anyway, enough wallowing in the Our Price of history: let’s just look at the years of my life that I thought had the best music. And, yes, this is the most subjective because I think of all things, maybe music is the most subjective? So it’s stuff I liked. You don’t like it? Get your own blog, they’re free!

1984: yes! Seriously! 1984 continues to be one of the best years of all time. If it’s not enough that films like Terminator and shows like Transformers and comics like Turtles all came out, you’ve got the debut albums of both Bon Jovi and Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds – I mean, come on. Queen’s The Works gave us songs like Radio Ga Ga and I Want to Break Free. Prince made Purple Rain. Springsteen released Born in the U.S.A., for cryin’ out loud! Dancing in the Dark, people! We had Spinal Tap! And speaking of movies, Ghostbusters! I mean, can you imagine? Flippin’ ‘eck, what a year.

1997: it’s tough to single out one year from the nineties, because there’s a period – ’93-’98 really – that’s just chock-full of absolute iconic bangers for me. But this is probably tip-top. We’ve got one of Nick Cave’s best, most soulful albums, in Boatman’s Call, which features possibly my favourite song – Into My Arms. Foo Fighters’ The Colour and the Shape, Radiohead’s OK Computer, Savage Garden’s, er, Savage Garden. Robbie Williams – love him or hate him – did release two of his best songs, Let Me Entertain You and Angels. And a personal favourite of mine was Del Amitri’s Don’t Come Home Too Soon, the best song ever about football.

2016: woah, we’re getting right up to date here! Can you believe it?! But it was a cracker, despite Trump and Brexit and everything else that was happening. Both Bowie and Leonard Cohen released their final albums, and in a way delivered their own epitaphs with Blackstar and especially You Want it Darker, the latter of which is an absolute masterpiece. “I’m leaving the table, I’m out of the game”, for goodness’ sake. If you really want it dark, Nick Cave’s Skeleton Tree was haunting beautiful but also a wail of absolute grief; “They told us our gods would outlive us but they lied”. Slightly cheerier was Foreverland by Divine Comedy, with its propulsive revolutionary undertones and superheroic love songs. And rocketing right to the other end of the scale from all the mournful ballads was Lonely Island’s soundtrack to Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping. Is Finest Girl the funniest song of all time?

1996: yep, back to the nineties, and back to the Bad Seeds (Murder Ballads, which includes Cave’s famous duet with Kylie) and back to Divine Comedy (Casanova). Almost defnining my mid-teens, we had the Manics’ Everything Must Go and Spiders by Space, as well as the debut album from the Aquabats. Probably one of the most seminal releases – certainly for me at the time – was the soundtrack to Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo + Juliet, featuring possibly my favourite song of the year, the Cardigans’ Lovefool. What else? Well we had two other big debuts: the Spice Girls and Eminem. What more could you want?

1993: still in the nineties and it’s back to another perennial year for me: ’93, the year of Jurassic Park and, well, tons of other stuff. Check out m other lists. Anyway, musically we had Bat out of Hell 2, which was nice as I wasn’t born when the first one came out. He’d do anything for love, y’know, but he won’t do that. Radiohead’s Pablo Honey gave us Creep, my favourite of theirs, because I’m basic. Crash Test Dummies released Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm, a weird delight. We also got 500 Miles, Loser by Beck, Insane in the Brain – which everyone my age was singing in 1993 – and sort of Whitney’s I Will Always Love You, which technically released at the end of ’92 but dominated the early part of the year and was ‘93’s biggest song.

1995: sticking with the mid-nineties and it’s another belter. Alright by Supergrass; These Days by Bon Jovi; the Foo Fighters’ eponymous debut; The Bends by Radiohead. I could go on. And I shall! One of my favourite albums, Different Class by Pulp, gave us some corking class-warfare ballads like Common People. And, yes, it was Britpop’s holy year, with the Blur/Oasis clash and the release of both What’s the Story (Morning Glory) and The Great Escape. Quite possibly my favourite song of the year – sorry, Jarvis – was Alanis Morrisette’s You Oughta Know from Jagged Little Pill, one hell of an angry tune and my generation’s equivalent to The Winner Takes it All. But with a bit more swearing.

1982: right back as far as we can go in my lifetime, really, and it all starts off so well. Madonna’s first album! Bloody hell! And Jacko’s Thriller! Scary stuff. That alone could get it rocketing up the charts, but we also have one of my favourite Bruce Springsteen songs, Highway Patrolman, even if (whisper it) I kinda prefer the Johnny Cash version. Also there was Iron Maiden’s Number of the Beast (spoiler alert: it’s 666), and Billy Joel’s Nylon Curtain, giving us tracks like Allentown and the phenomenal Goodnight Saigon. And – yes – Survivor’s Eye of the Tiger.

1998: another all-round classic year – Half-Life came out and I started going out with my wife – and the music wasn’t bad either. Space’s Tin Planet featured The Ballad of Tom Jones; we had Torn, Bittersweet Symphony, and You’re Still the One, just a bunch of stone-cold hits. Evanescence’s debt album provided turn-of-the-millennium action movies with great songs to cut scenes to. The Divine Comedy’s Fin de Siècle had some of the tracks that really drew my attention to the band. The hilarious One Week was a fast-paced good-natured highlight of a song, but let’s wrap up by lifting a glass to a genius movie ballad, Aerosmith’s I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing. I could stay awake just to hear them singing.

2002: another good year for Robbie, with probably – aw hell, definitely – his best album, Escapology, which has his two best songs (for me): Monsoon and Come Undone. Flight of the Conchords’ first album had so many all-time hilarious songs I don’t know where to begin. A Rush of Blood to the Head is my favourite Coldplay album, largely because of The Scientist. Avril Lavigne’s debut album was released, giving us both Complicated and Sk8ter Boi, and holy cats, can you get more millennial? But musically I have to say the year belongs to Johnny Cash and The Man Comes Around, an album full of incredible, emotional, resonant songs – including, of course, his cover of Hurt. 

1994: Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds’ Let Love In gave us a lot of tremendous songs (including the haunting and disturbing two-part Do You Love Me) but really it should be known most for Red Right Hand, one of the biggest and most important songs of my life (I first heard in The X-Files!). Also there’s Green Day’s Basket Case, Blur’s Parklife (in both cases the first albums I had from both bands), and the biggest song of the year, Wet Wet Wet’s Love is All Around. It really was everywhere I go in ’94. Sticking with movies for a bit, two of the best soundtracks of my life: Pulp Fiction and The Lion King. Yes, musicals absolutely do count; maybe I should have tried to look them up in a bit more detail. Too late now!

I very, very nearly had 2006 in there at the end instead of another nineties number, but despite a few good tracks that year I ultimately decided I was letting the sheer cosmic weight of Arctic Monkeys’ debut lift the year up too high. I’ve always tried to find a good balanced spread when doing this and not stick a year in there just because there’s one or even two things I like, and ultimately the epoch-shifting excellence of I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor was not enough to champion the whole year. But I’m mentioning it now, in dispatches, so to speak, because it’s still probably the most exciting and impressive debut of my life.

[a-witch-in-endor]

17, 18, 22 (for MO since it's possibly your only fic without a lyric title - unless there are any fics whose themes would NOT be the song the title is from), 23, 26, 28 (also where are you that you are in someone else's hell bc it's 3am where I am)

It's not quite my only title without a song lyric! I just titled occam's razor wire and was super proud of it, because Keith's understanding of Occam's Razor is what he uses to keep people away.

But yeah... usually song lyrics.

17. What piece of writing are you most proud of?

I answered this one as this is a gift (it comes with a price), because I think that's the best piece of writing I've done. However, it's also very dark, so it's certainly not the piece I would recommend to a stranger.

18. Which is more difficult, the title or the summary?

Summary for sure! I hate summaries. I always leave them to the last minute and stress over them. Titles usually come to me through browsing songs and thinking about the overall mood, but writing a summary is always like pulling teeth.

22. If you had to assign a theme song to [fic title], what would it be?

I answered this one, too - MO would be Leonard Cohen's 'Athem'. You're getting a different lyric, though:

Every heart, every heart to love will come / but like a refugee

23. Have you ever stopped yourself from writing something? Why?

Yeah, I had an idea that was darker than 'this is a gift' and I stopped myself because I decided I wasn't actually qualified to write about that kind of trauma.

26. Is there a specific scene or scenario you’re looking forward to most? (No, you don’t have to give away spoilers!)

Yes! The whole next chapter of MO is going to be a BLAST for me. I'm also really looking forward to getting into the thick of it with The World, So Close, but that one's currently taking a backseat in favour of finishing MO.

28. Share a piece from one of your current WIPs!

A few lines from the next chapter of The World, So Close:

“You do have a father,” Mother admits. “But he is a monster.” 

Fear seizes in Zuko’s chest. “A monster? Like the monsters who want to get me outside?” 

Mother nods. “Yes. He is one of those monsters.”

Zuko wants to cry. But he’s not a baby, so he stamps down on the urge. 

“But…” he starts, and then hiccoughs. “But you said a child is half the mom and half the dad. So if my father was a monster, does that-- does that mean I’m half monster?” 

There’s a long moment of quiet. Finally, Mother looks back to Zuko and smooths a hand over his forehead. Her skin is warm and dry and soothing. 

“You’re also half me.” She leans down and kisses him on the forehead.

[belleandkurtbastian]

here’s a completely random question: what’s your fav song and your least fav song from each of the o.g. glee club members

Now, when you say "OG", do you mean "original 5", "original 6" or "original 12"?

Rachel Barbra Berry

Okay, I like when Rachel goes OTT but in an ACTING way, rather than her "I'm just too emotional, I have to let it build inside me" way... So to that end, I like songs like "Hello Twelve"; "Run Joey Run"; "Ding-Dong"; "Paradise by the Dashboard Light"; "Kiki/TLT"...

I'm picking "Hello Twelve, Hello Thirteen, Hello Love" as my favourite. This is a song that LITERALLY ELEVEN YEARS LATER, I am STILL pissed off that they cut. This song ESTABLISHES St Berry so well, and I didn't *GET* it until I saw it.

Least favourite? There's a song that comes to mind but I want to save it in case you send a second ask in this vain (hint hint).. So I think "Roots Before Branches". I told you, I really don't like Rachel over-emotionally singing, and this song really plays into that with the vocals AND I just don't like the song. I think this was, bar none, the WORST final number of a season.

Kurt Elizabeth Hummel

I find Kurt REALLY hard to pick for... I think Kurt is one of the characters that I have the BROADEST opinion of in terms of music. I can't pinpoint exactly what I do and don't like in his numbers, beyond "I hate when they force him to go WAY too high and it throws off the balance of the song". And I like when they let him PLAY with a song, rather than singing it straight.

So, candidates include: "Defying Gravity"; "Rose's Turn"; "4 Minutes"; "Bad Romance"; "Pure Imagination"; "NTBND"; "Being Alive"; "Kiki/TLT"...

Yeah, okay, I did actually know which song I was going to pick from the start. I have no choice.

It's "Not the Boy Next Door".

Now, least favourite? This is TOUGH. "Animal" bugs me because of the sheer AMOUNT of processing on that song. "Candles" has the "making Kurt go too high and throwing off the balance" issue.

Yeah, I think "Animal". I don't like Candles, but I REALLY hate Animal.

Mercedes Jones

Let's speed this up a little... Candidates include "4 Minutes"; "The Boy is Mine"; "Beautiful"; "And I am Telling You"; "River Deep"; "Dog Days Are Over"; "Human Nature"; "I'll Stand By You"...

Oof, this IS tough... I think it's "Beautiful"... Yeah, that's the number that comes to mind the most often when I think of Mercedes.

Least Favourite? "I Look To You"? I dunno, I think episode context is why for that one. She doesn't REALLY have a dud number that I can think of.

Tina Cohen-Chang

Hoo boy. First of all... Girl, you were SHAFTED by the producers. Only Original 6 member to have under 100 songs. Only one solo in S1.

Anyway, I like "True Colors"; "I Follow Rivers"; "Dog Days"; "Hung Up"; "3"; "I Kissed a Girl"...

I am fully aware I just named more than half of her solos and duets...

I think it's "True Colors"... or "I Kissed a Girl"... Let's go for True Colors

As for least favourite... is "My Funny Valentine" too obvious a pick? Because it's "My Funny Valentine". (Yes, I like "Gangnam Style". It's awful, but I like it.)

Arthur Abrams

Candidates: "Dancing With Myself"; "Safety Dance"; "Dream a Little Dream"; "Never Going Back Again"... Huh, I think that's all of the ones that stand out to me.

So, yes. I think it's "Dancing With Myself". That's two in a row where I've picked the OG solo...

Least favourite? No contest. "Boys/Boyfriend"... though "Scream" and "Feliz Navidad" get special mentions because I *HATE* "Artie walks!" dream sequences.

Finn Christopher Hudson

I already know my favourite Finn song. I have said it MULTIPLE times, and I stand by it.

My favourite Finn song is, no contest, "Paradise By the Dashboard Light". In fact, I think it's not only Finn's best song, but the best New Directions competition performance.

Now, least favourite? "Girls Just Want To Have Fun".

Wow, Finn was easy.

Lucy Quinn Fabray

Ah, Quinnie...

Candidates: "Papa Don't Preach"; "It's a Man's World"; "Lucky"; "Time of My Life"; "Pretty/Unpretty"; "I Don't Want to Know" (yes, I just listed ALL FOUR of her S2 leads...)... And then that's it??!? Wow, she got shafted after S2, huh?!

Yeah, I think it's "I Feel Pretty/Unpretty". What a surprise. A Faberry song.

As for least favourite? "Up Up Up", I think.

Santana Diabla Lopez

... This is tough. "Science Fiction, Double Feature"; "Valerie"; "Songbird"; "Back to Black"; "River Deep"; "Smooth Criminal"; "Girl on Fire"; "If I Die Young"; "Here Comes the Sun"; "Brave"; "Hand in My Pocket/I Feel the Earth Move"...

I *THINK* I have to go for "Songbird", actually...

Now, least favourite? Does Santana have a dud number? At least, one that's her fault? Okay, I don't like "Take My Breath Away".

Brittany Susan Pierce

There are precisely TWO Brittany songs I will listen to on their own. Those are "My Cup" and "Hand In my Pocket/I Feel the Earth Move".

So yes, it's HIMP/IFTEM.

As for least favourite... "Something Stupid". NOT because it's a Bram song. I actually don't have an issue with Bram, per se... But I just feel like it's bland and doesn't add anything to the show, and doesn't really stand on its own.

Noah Puckerman

"Lady Is a Tramp"; "Mean"; "Glory Days"; "No Surrender"...

I think it's "Lady is a Tramp".

As for least favourite... "I Wanna Sex You Up"... is an Acafellas number cheating? If not, then... No, it has to be "I Wanna Sex You Up", sorry.

Michael Robert Chang, Jr.

This was mean of me to include... "ABC" is my favourite, I guess? And... yeah, "Scream" has to be my least favourite.

Matt Rutherford

My favourite AND least favourite Matt Rutherford song is [THIS SPACE LEFT INTENTIONALLY BLANK]

Jesse St. James

There's no point doing the original 12 and ignoring my boy.

Favourite: "Bohemian Rhapsody"...

Least favourite: "Like a Virgin", I guess... He doesn't ACTUALLY have a dud number.

[unibrowzz]

Mod (finally) reviews all 67 winners of the Eurovision Song Contest Part IV: The 1980s

Ah yes, the 80s. One of my favourite decades for music overall, and one of the only decades in Eurovision where I wouldn’t immediately jump at the chance to change most of the songs that won, the other decade being the 2000s. 

But at least with the 80s there was more quality songs per year, whereas the 2000s was mostly drivel.

I also count the 80s as being somewhat of a turning point in the contest’s history, and by that I mean it always seemed to me like it was the decade where the UK really began to stop caring. Most people know the song that won in 1985, but nobody knows what won in 1986. Everyone knows Johnny Logan won twice, but couldn’t name his second song. Everyone knows Celine Dion competed, but can’t remember if she won or what she sang. 

That and countries also started experimenting with more modern sounds and outfits towards the end. The early 80s is just an extension of the 70s I swear. 

But that’s enough of all that, how do I find the winning songs?

1980- What’s Another Year?

Country: Ireland

Artist: Johnny Logan 

Language: English

Thoughts: Ah yes, the song that makes every 50something woman in the UK and Ireland all doey-eyed and rosy cheeked as they remember back to when they were a teenager watching this on TV and drooling at the lovely looking sad Irishman singing his sorrows into the microphone.  Or that’s my experience with this song anyway. Another experience is that most vintage fans I know tend to dislike this song on the grounds of it beating out [insert song here] Everyone has their favourite from 1980 since it was honestly a pretty strong year, but even though this song isn’t my first place for that year I can still clearly see why it won. See, 1980 had a lot of pop songs, so a slow, sad song like this one was bound to stand out, whether it was popular or not. Luckily for this one, it turned out to be a popular choice. Other songs wouldn’t be so lucky… Back on track though. Like I said, this is a very sad and melancholy song with sad and melancholy lyrics, which not only made it stand out in its year, but also made it stand out amongst other Eurovision songs of its time. It’s strange to think, but at this point in the contest’s history there hadn’t been a winner with lyrics so solemn and personal. See, in modern Eurovision, every other song is the artist baring their soul about their horrible ex-boyfriend, or their depression, or past abuse, or whatever, so knowing there was a period where songs like that were so rare is just… surreal to me.

Is this my personal winner for this year? This or Greece tbh, I don’t mind this one

If no, what is? Greece- Anna Vissi- “Autostop”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 23rd

1981: Making Your Mind Up

Country: United Kingdom

Artist: Bucks Fizz

Language: English

Thoughts: Ah yes, the UK winner that nobody really likes, but the BBC still forces at us anyway because they’re proud they came up with a gimmick that everybody remembers. Or maybe it’s not that well remembered, but nobody would know that because we’re reminded of it every year. This song is… alright. Just alright. The first listen of this one is always the best, because after a while it just gets kind of annoying. The singing ESPECIALLY starts to grate you for a while. Even in the studio version the two girls sound unbearably shrill and whiny, and I’m not sure if that’s their fault or the songwriter’s (since if I remember correctly only one of them was a professional singer). I’m seriously convinced there’s no way for a female vocalist to pull this off without sounding terrible.  Again, this one’s perfectly fine and serviceable, but that doesn’t mask the fact it’s still the worst UK winner and the worst winner of the 1980s too. 

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? Portugal- Carlos Paião- “Playback”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 58th

1982: Ein Bißchen Frieden

Country: West Germany

Artist: Nicole

Language: German (Translation: “A little peace”)

Thoughts: This song gives me a really warm, nostalgic feeling, and I don’t know why. I mean, I know this one did well internationally, so it’s possible I just heard it as a kid, but given how I grew up in the early 2000s, “Eurovision is a shitty freak show full of weirdos from the USSR who gang up on the UK and don't vote for us on purpose” era Britain, that’s highly unlikely. Anyways, this is such a warm, fuzzy kind of song. It has a lovely… round-the-campfire, singalong kind of vibe, like this is meant to be sung by a load of long haired hippies with flowers in their hair and CND symbols drawn on their cheeks. And it’s… … Also kind of bland. If you’ve been reading my personal winners so far, you’ll have noticed I definitely have a soft spot for old German entries, so it’s a shame I find the one song they actually won with to be so… generic. It’s like they got tired of being unique so decided to send the same saccharine fluff everyone else was sending, and guess what, it paid off majorly, because this song was a huge hit at the time. Something about that kind of bothers me, like, out of all the entries they sent, it’s the one that’s the most “Eurovision-y” that ended up winning. And there’s something depressing in that.

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? United Kingdom- Bardo- “One Step Further”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 50th

1983: Si la vie est Cadeau

Country: Luxembourg

Artist: Corinne Hermés

Language: French (Translation: “If life were a gift”)

Thoughts: You want a tip on how to stand out amongst Eurovision fans? Say you like this song. Probably won’t make you very popular, but you’ll stand out at least. I will confess, I, too, was part of the hate-wagon for this song. Like most fans I knew, I’d complain about how boring and uninteresting it was and how it, ahem, “robbed” so many other entries, and how basic it was, et cetera, et cetera. But… honestly? It’s not even that bad. Sure I had other favourites from 1983 (the ones I could stand watching anyway, the host that year was so unimaginably terrible I gave up watching halfway through. I DARE you to watch the whole thing without wanting to neck yourself), but this song gets way more hate than it deserves. I honestly don’t think this song is half as bad as I made it out to be myself, or as bad as the fandom makes it out to be. It’s got a decent melody, some solid vocals, some appealingly 80s instrumental, like there’s a lot I like here. …Until you read the lyrics and realise they’re almost as half-assed and lazy as All Kinds of Everything’s, but I digress. Did I prefer other songs from that year? Of course. Am I going to complain about this one winning? Nah. It’s alright. 

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? Sweden- Carola Häggkvist- “Främling”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 41st

1984- Diggiloo, Diggiley

Country: Sweden

Artist: Herreys

Language: Swedish

Thoughts: Whenever I was a younger fan I used to describe this song as being drunk-dad-at-a-wedding-music performed by three sentient Ken dolls, and I still stand by that statement. And I don’t really know how else to describe this one. It certainly has its charm, and it’s still a likeable song, but it also feels very… vapid. Like if this song were a person, they’d be a bit of a bimbo. And I mean, the song’s about how the singer’s oh-so-happy and prancing down the street in his brand new shoes, so that’s probably a fair description. Part of me wonders if that’s down to old Eurovision songs being vapid in general or if it’s down to the schlager genre itself requiring songs to be kinda neutered and happy-go-lucky, but even though I do like this song, it does come off as being a bit bland. A bit by-the-numbers and playing-it-safe. And I don’t mind songs like that, but I’d rather they didn’t win, y’know?

Is this my personal winner for this year? Not really

If no, what is? Italy- Alice & Franco- “Il Treni di Tozeur”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 15th

1985- La det Swinge

Country: Norway

Artist: Bobbysocks

Language: Norwegian

Thoughts: Ah yes, the song which finally hauled Norway into first place after years of being a regular last-placer. Maybe the UK should take some notes instead of blaming Brexit. Or Russia. Or Iraq. Or anything other than their own apathy, for that matter. But this is about La det Swinge and not the UK, so what are my thoughts on it? Well it’s… It’s the kind of song I imagine my mom and aunt would sing at a wedding if they ever attended one. It’s a very fun song, a little cheesy, sure, but it’s hard to not like a song that’s this upbeat and cheery.  And yeah I know it’s because it’s schlager and that’s generally a really cheerful genre by default, I touched on that in the review above, 

Is this my personal winner for this year? This or Israel

If no, what is? Israel- Yizhar Cohen- “Olé Olé”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 14th

1986- J’aime la Vie

Country: Belgium

Artist: Sandra Kim

Language: French

Thoughts: This song is an enigma because I’m an absolute slut for 80s pop, yet, for some reason, I find this song painfully average and uninteresting. Now, I’ll get it off my chest and say that 1986 was also a painfully average and uninteresting year, and most of the time I just felt myself remembering the singer more than the song, and even then I struggle to remember what some of the acts even were. It was just such a boring blur of a year I’m surprised the juries even managed to stay awake to pick a winner. And I GUESS you could argue that this song is so upbeat and peppy that it woke them up, but that doesn’t excuse how bloody generic it is. Like, this is the most generic 80s song you can imagine, and not in a good way. It feels more like stock music than an actual publicly released pop song. Had it not won, I doubt it would’ve stood out to me at all; it would’ve just faded into the background with all the other muted, 80s-coloured mush from this year. Basically, there’s a reason the singer’s age is the only thing noteworthy about this song.

Is this my personal winner for this year? Not really

If no, what is? Luxembourg- Sherisse Laurence- “L’amour de ma vie”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 49th

1987- Hold me Now

Country: Ireland

Artist: Johnny Logan 

Language: English

Thoughts: Ah yes, the superior Johnny Logan winner.  And I’m not sure why everyone forgets this one because Mother of Mercy this song is in another league entirely compared to the other schlock Ireland’s won with. Like this is their best winner, no competition. One of their best songs overall as well. One of the best entries from the 80s, one of the best winners of the 80s, one of the best winners… Yeah, I really like this song.  I’ll admit to sleeping on this one for too long myself, always dismissing it as some boring Irish ballad to go with all the other boring Irish ballads they somehow managed to win with (we’ll get to that later), and always agreeing with people who said XYZ country (always Yugolslavia) should have won instead.  Basically I learnt the hard way to never judge a song on its country and genre. But one day I found myself in the midst of a revisiting trip, going back to winners I didn't pay much attention to, just to see if there was anything I’d missed the first time round. And something about the lyrics in this song resonated with me a lot more than I thought they would. In a strange way, it made me feel older; like I’d grown up and was able to relate to the words in a song and appreciate it more than I could when I was younger. The line “what do you say when words are not enough?” especially hits harder than it should; as someone with autism I tend to find showing emotions difficult, even in virtual conversation where I’m not using my voice or face, because… Well, what do you say when your words aren’t enough?

Is this my personal winner for this year? Yes

If no, what is? N/A

Personal ranking (out of 67): 2nd

1988- Ne Partez pas Sans Moi

Country: Switzerland 

Artist: Céline Dion 

Language: French

Thoughts: Telling people Céline Dion won this thing is a new favourite hobby of mine, just to see the confused reaction. And that’s the most interesting thing about this song because it’s… fine, I guess? It’s a perfectly serviceable 80s power ballad, but there’s no bells and whistles to make me sit up and declare it any better than just “okay”. It’s basically the ballad equivalent of J’aime la Vie from 1986, in that it’s extremely 80s and also in French, but there’s nothing to make it that memorable aside from the singer herself. And even then this isn’t the song that made her famous anyway. Even her singing doesn't make this one stand out, partially because the song doesn't do anything special with it, and partially because she just blends in with all the other good singers of this era. And that’s kinda sad to think about.

Is this my personal winner for this year? Hmmm....

If no, what is? Greece- Afroditi Frida- “Clown”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 22nd

1989- Rock Me

Country: Yugoslavia

Artist: Riva

Language: Croatian

Thoughts: So this is another song it really took me a while to get into (there’s lots of those, trust me) and one that was very briefly in my top three overall favourites. It’s slid down a few slots since then, though I would still say it’s… Somewhere in the top 15.  I don’t really have a lot to say about this one, if I’m honest. It’s just a good, fun, solid song which stood out in a very dull and ballad-saturated year, nothing more, nothing less. The lyrics are nice too, being about a bored musician who learns to love music again by teaching himself how to play pop songs to entertain his friends. That’s a unique subject and I can imagine it resonating with a lot of people who’ve fallen out with a hobby they used to love because they took it too seriously (providing they either speak Croatian or have looked up the lyrics, of course). I mean, it resonates with me at least. All in all, I just like this song for its message more than anything else.

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? Portugal- Da Vinci- “Conquistador”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 9th

[dhufflebee]

when I see you like that  (a Glee fanfiction)

One-shot Fandom: Glee Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Jesse St. James & Andrea Cohen; Jesse St. James/Rachel Berry - mentioned (and at this point very much one-sided) Characters: Jesse St. James; Andrea Cohen  Additional Tags: rambling phone calls; basically just Jesse moping a lot; Friendship; Pining; Self-Worth Issues; rated T for some swearing

Read on:  AO3  |  ff.net Summary: After the loss at Nationals, Jesse can’t face his Vocal Adrenaline students, and calls his friend Andrea instead. Talking with her, though, painfully reveals his well-concealed sense of inadequacy—and his unquenchable feelings for one Rachel Berry

This fic is basically 3k words of Jesse moping, in a weird half-dialogue half-rant format. I’ve felt the need to write this since I’ve rewatched ‘Nationals’: that three-second shot of Jesse on the verge of tears has been haunting me, and I had to get the story out of my system. Most of all, I needed him to get some of the love and validation that the show deprived him of.

In my mind, it isn’t at all out of character for Jesse to be this miserable in private. He is crazy talented and he knows it, but he also has deep self-worth issues (due to his demanding and not very loving upbringing), for which he compensates with pride and overconfidence. He also has his (in)famous showface that rarely goes away, and he doesn’t feel comfortable being emotionally vulnerable. Except with Andrea—and, well, with Rachel.

By the way, I know Jesse and Andrea's friendship is mostly fanon, but I like it very much nonetheless.

Jesse had never felt so upset in his life. His heart, his mind, his guts were telling him conflicting things, and his knees were starting to give way under him as the adrenaline of the competition slowly went away. He barely managed to close the door to his room before he had to sit on the bed. He was feeling lightheaded, with black pushing at the edge of his vision—the way he would feel after a long training when he hadn’t eaten enough. But it wasn’t low blood pressure, Jesse knew that. It was the same dreadful mix of emotions and thoughts as that damn day two years before, but somehow a hundred times worse. Then it had been divided loyalties, two shattered hearts, and the gut punch of feeling like an utter bastard, but now… damn, he’d added so many failures in the past two years that he had no idea how his showface was still so good. He was starting to feel like a hollow husk at times. Something had definitely broken back then, and the constant, cyclical reminders of what he’d stupidly lost weren’t doing him any favors—that evening after Nationals, the castle of cards that had been Jesse St. James’s so-called adult life was a breath away from collapsing, once and for all.

Jesse kicked off his shoes, threw the suit jacket haphazardly on a chair, and lay down on the bed, trying to steady his breath against his inner turmoil. After a while, he felt blindly around his legs for his phone, until he found it lying precariously near the edge of the bed. He then flung the duvet up over his head and snuggled under it, shirt and nice slacks be damned. He unblocked his phone and opened his recent calls, dialing his best (only?) friend’s number.

“Victory boy! Hey!” a chipper voice answered.

“Andrea…”

“Ah. You didn’t win, then.”

Jesse sighed. Andrea’s reaction made him realize he sounded as dejected as he felt—something he’d long learned how to conceal, but the Chicago air must have jinxed him or something. Or maybe he was simply beginning to crumble under the pressure of his feelings. Whatever.

“I feel like crap, Andy. I should be with the guys, drowning our disappointment in ginger ale or what-have-you, but I don’t even have the energy for that. I barely managed to tell them I was proud of them—and I am—before I had to get out of there. They were crying, Andy, and the looks on the seniors’ faces… I just—I couldn’t stay.”

Jesse knew he was rambling, but a big part of his and Andrea’s friendship had always been taking turns in unloading while the other listened and then offered some honest advice. No one else in his life had ever made him feel safe enough to be so open and vulnerable—except for Rachel, but he’d thrown away his chance to have her at the other end of the line again, hadn’t he?

“I’m sure they understand, Jesse. You told them you were proud, and that’s what matters. Remember how nice it felt when they would tell us? Eased the disappointment of losing somewhat, no?” Andrea asked, a tinge of wistfulness in her voice.

“Yeah, well… god, they worked so hard for this. I really thought we’d win, you know? I honestly miss the high of victory—as I’m sure you do, too,” Jesse said with a smirk, getting a chuckle from Andrea in response. “Nevertheless, Carmel High is going to kick me out the minute I get back to Akron, as they so candidly told me they would when I got the job. And I guess they have all the rights to do it—what kind of failure am I, four-time champion and I can't even coach fucking Vocal Adrenaline to victory? I wouldn't want to keep me around either."

Jesse heard himself getting whinier by the minute, and he hated it, hated how earnest he ended up being while talking with Andrea (and with Rachel, too—he never quite managed to keep his walls up for long with her either… Stop! Stop thinking about that!). Andrea hesitated and exhaled, and Jesse could imagine her shaking her head as well.

"Why didn't you win, though?" she asked at last. "I've seen those videos you sent me: the choreo was incredible! What happened?"

"A ragtag bunch of misfits, that's what happened," Jesse answered, trying to sound mean but only managing desolate. Figures. "The New Directions really busted their asses this year, apparently. You should have seen them, everyone performed at a level they'd never reached before—and you know how they've always been so endearingly energetic. I loathe to admit it, but they were great, and I guess they did deserve to win. Probably. Couldn't tell that to my guys, though," he chuckled, gloomily.

"I'm glad to hear that," Andrea said, with a careful, knowing tone that Jesse instantly dreaded. "Is that it, though? This whole call just because the New Directions finally snatched first place after years of trying?"

Jesse didn't answer. He couldn't, he wouldn't tell Andrea the real reason of his moping—besides, he knew she could easily guess it.

"Unless..." (There it is.) "What about Rachel, Jesse? Did she sing?"

Jesse was thankful the conversation was happening on the phone, Andrea at one end of the nation and himself buried under a duvet in a hotel room in Chicago. He wouldn't have been able to sustain her gaze, otherwise. At least on the phone he didn't need his showface, and his instinct to flee from emotional vulnerability was somewhat tamed (but not much).

"Jesse?"

He squeezed his eyes shut and gripped the phone more tightly, hoping to keep at bay the flood of emotions that he could sense coming. At last, he whispered: "Yeah, she did. It's All Coming Back to Me Now".

"Oh."

And that was it. Andrea’s understanding tone was all it took for the floodgates to open and for Jesse’s rambling, vulnerable side to come out in full force. Tears threatened to escape his eyes, but he them firmly shut—he would not cry.

“God, Andy, when she sung that song—it felt like she was saying all those things to me!” Jesse’s voice traitorously cracked at that last word.

“I don’t think that’s—”

“I know!” Good lord, he was whining again. “I know that it’s ridiculous! that I’m reading too much into it, that they chose the song way beforehand and Rachel has much better things to think about than me… But what if she was singing about us after all? The words are rather fitting, and she knows that—same as she knew we were bound to meet here tonight. It’s there, Andy, the whole story! Me being an idiot, all my mistakes and the hurt I inflicted her—she was reproaching me, and I cannot blame her because I deserve it. And I especially deserve to hear it from her magnificent voice, even if god knows I don’t need to be reminded of what I did to her.” Jesse was breathing heavily, almost unable to articulate his feelings, his words spilling out at an alarming speed.

Andrea remained silent for a few seconds, then answered with a deliberate yet soothing tone—the one she reserved for Jesse’s rare mopey moments. “I don’t think your history with Rachel had anything to do with the song, Jesse.” He scoffed lightly, but she ignored him. “Besides, you were a teenager back then, and you were forced between a rock and a hard place. Shelby was a bitch that manipulated you and treated both Rachel and the parents of that baby like dirt. Sure, you were a bit of a dick, but you’ve got to cut yourself some slack. You were not stupider than the average teen in love, all things considered.”

Jesse tried to scoff again, but what escaped his throat sounded more like a sob than anything else. “Andy, you don’t understand,” he pleaded, pressing the heel of his free hand on his eyes. “I threw away the one truly warm thing in my life because Shelby threatened to take away my scholarship to UCLA, and look how well that went,” Jesse laughed bitterly. Ah, the familiar taste of self-deprecation. Saying all that out loud felt better than just mulling over it constantly, though. “I’m such an imbecile—I got college handed to me on a silver platter, and I couldn’t even manage to float just above the pass grade? Or, I don’t know, use my fucking brain for a change? And to think I would be so conceited about it, as if I could ever hope to accomplish anything intelligence-related…”

“Jesse, stop!” Andrea interjected vehemently. “You’re spiraling and you’re starting to sound like your father. You’re not stupid, you’re not brainless—you’re smart, and the most brilliant guy I know as far as musical theater is concerned. And don’t start with how acting or singing or whatever is bullshit, because I’ll come down there, slap you, and then find your dad and punch him on his ugly mug.” At that, Jesse felt a sharp surge of affection for his friend, regardless of her proclivity for mild physical threats. “We all sweated blood in Vocal Adrenaline, but we were happy and good—you above all, because performing is your passion and your talent. Who cares if you didn’t pass gen eds? You’re wonderful, and you will take Broadway by storm soon.”

“Ms. Tibideaux didn’t seem to think so,” Jesse replied, dejectedly.

“Who?”

“Carmen Tibideaux. NYADA?”

“What does she have to do with anything now?” Andrea asked, confused. “That was years ago.”

“Yeah, right—the first of my many failures.” Jesse’s tone was more bitter than he expected. He intentionally hadn’t thought much about his audition since, but he guessed disappointments never actually stopped stinging, did they?

“Come on, Jesse…”

“I didn’t get in, okay? No point in sweetening the pill. I was good but apparently not enough—and I always knew that, but now I have confirmation from the woman’s own voice that I ‘showed promise’ but couldn’t overcome the obstacles to be the best. So really, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing with my life.” Was he being overdramatic and overly self-critical? Absolutely. At that moment, though, Jesse had no idea how to stop.

“Enough!” Andrea exclaimed. Deep down, the rational part of Jesse’s brain had realized he was being maddening, but he also had to admit he didn’t mind Andy’s forceful tone. It felt strangely soothing, being told to get a grip from someone who cared about him.

“I can’t believe you are saying this,” she pressed on. “I’ve already told you: you are incredible, and I won’t let you wallow in this kind of negativity. The audition was years ago, and believe me, I’ve seen you get absurdly better in the meantime. Ms. Tibideaux said you showed promise, and that’s good! You did and you do, and you will reach even higher that she could ever imagine.”

Jesse hummed, not entirely convinced but certainly relieved that someone else was eager to vouch for his talent. He knew he was good (okay, very good), but that didn’t mean he wasn’t, from time to time, afraid he’d been deluding himself due to his own arrogance.

“When did you speak with the woman?” Andrea asked.

“She was here to see Rachel perform. And when I went and told her she shouldn’t let Rachel slip through her fingers, she remembered me and made a list of all the flaws in my audition. Lovely experience, really,” Jesse said, with a bitter chuckle.

“Aw, you put in a good word for Rachel—that’s so sweet! Did you tell her?”

“I can’t! Are you crazy? She cannot know ever. I don’t deserve her knowing, if anything I owe her.” Jesse replied, his voice half-strangled. (Pathetic.) “Rachel and I bantered for a couple of minutes before the competition, and it almost got me punched by Finn, in addition to giving me some serious doubts about my ability to function properly.” He smiled at the memory. Rachel’s red dress was still incredibly vivid in his mind. “God, Andrea, you should have seen her—she was radiant. I’d ever seen her inhabit the stage so perfectly. She is the one who deserves to take Broadway by storm and who will. She’s a powerhouse, and she’s absurdly talented, and tonight she looked so beautiful with that smile of hers, and then she sang Céline and I couldn’t—”

Jesse heard Andrea exhale, as if ready to answer, but he rambled on, unable—unwilling—to stop now that someone was there to listen to him for once.

“I just—I miss Rachel so much. She earnestly thought I was worth all the fuss. Even with Shelby, it’d always seem like my work was barely acceptable, and that all the trophies were just due to luck and the power of a good routine or something. Which yeah, I guess is true, but—honestly, Andy, except for you, Rachel’s the only person who’d always tell me how much she liked when I performed, and how good I was. I was starved—I am starved for that, Andy. D’you know my grades improved while I was in Lima with her? I actually had to study, and I wasn’t half bad at it. All thanks to her. God knows why she stayed with me after the initial razzle-dazzle, because she was way better that I could ever deserve. And she definitely deserved more than yours fucking truly,” Jesse spat out.

“And I guess she will have it,” he continued, barely taking time to breathe, “since she’s getting married soon to Finn. And sure, I hate him and he hates me, but I can see how Rachel looks at him, and he looks at her the same way. I mean, he’s a rhythmically-challenged dumbass, but I can’t deny he makes her happy—that’s the truly important thing. I ruined everything, and I know I’d never be able to make her feel that way. I think Rachel could really be the one, you know? I feel it in my bones, I’ll never be as happy with anyone else as I was with her… But it doesn’t matter. All that matters is Rachel won’t have a fuckup like me beside her, who’d just end up wiping her wonderful smile away.”

Jesse had to stop—his throat was aching due to the strain of putting one coherent word after another, of trying to talk as fast as his inner turmoil demanded. Tears were escaping his eyes and running down his cheeks and in his hair. He didn’t care that he was crying, though: he already felt like an utter failure, another embarrassing thing wouldn’t change anything. Besides, it was nice, having a friend listen to him while he moped and pined. Crying is good, right? It helps get the toxins and the sadness out, doesn’t it? A good cry and I’ll stop feeling like shit—

“Oh, Jesse…” Andrea whispered after a beat, and that shattered Jesse’s attempts at regaining his composure—he started sobbing uncontrollably, burying himself more and more under the duvet.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me that?” Andrea asked, softly. “God, Jesse, I wish I was there to hug you. Believe me, though, Rachel is right—everything she told you and everything she thinks about you is true. You’ve had a lot of shitty people in your life, but never for a second doubt that Rachel was sincere and saying things as they are. You’re brilliant and very talented, whether you believe it or not,” Andrea added, in a decisive tone that drew a wet smile from Jesse, “and no amount of Shelby or Ms. Tibideaux or your asshole of a father can claim otherwise. All that hard work and dedication… you do deserve the world, Jesse.”

Calming his breath enough to answer took Jesse a moment—his gratefulness to Andrea and his longing for Rachel were a killer combination, and he didn’t want to start bawling again.

“Thank you, Andy,” he finally managed to say. “I just wish I’d made fewer mistakes, you know? Maybe then I wouldn’t always feel like such a failure, maybe I wouldn’t be so lonely all the time and it wouldn’t hurt this much… I know things between me and Rachel probably won’t ever be mended, but gosh what I wouldn’t give to sing with her on a real stage, to have a partner that inspires me to be better and lets me share the spotlight with her.” Jesse exhaled shakily, willing himself to not cry until he had finished talking. “It’s too late now, though, and it’s all my fault, no point in denying that. I just wish for her to be as wonderful and captivating as she was tonight, forever—she lit up the whole place. I really hope I didn’t make an ass of myself with Ms. Tibideaux, and that Rachel’s dreams will come true. No, scratch that: I know they will. I just pray I’ll be able to get a glimpse of her happy as can be.”

Andrea’s silence at the other end of the line was almost deafening, but Jesse pressed on, feeling that he’d never have another chance (nor the nerve) to admit to it all out loud.

“Sorry for the rant, Andy. We lost Nationals and it hurts like hell, but it will pass—it’s going to be a nifty addition to the You’re A Failure pile, though,” Jesse mused, with a self-deprecating chuckle. “I have no idea what my plans for the future are going to be, after Carmel High parts ways with me. I guess I could finally try and go to New York for real. It’s just that, you know, seeing Rachel again really threw me for a loop, even after all this time, and I’m not sure why—”

“It’s love, Jesse,” Andrea interjected. “The way you talk about Rachel—you love her.”

Jesse inhaled sharply. Repeating that to himself was one thing, but hearing someone else say it so matter-of-factly felt real, definitive. (Scary.) “Hurray for me, then,” he muttered, at a loss for words to describe how his heart was ablaze, dismayed, and longing at the same time.

“I really hope you and Rachel will put your cracked pieces back together, Jesse,” Andrea said, sounding softer than she did at any other point in the phone call. “You both deserve a great life, and to have your talents shine—you and her alongside each other? Musical theater won’t ever be prepared, let me tell you.”

“Thank you, Andy.” Jesse’s eyes had filled with tears once again, and he’d once again buried himself under the duvet, in hopes of preventing the onslaught of painful memories he was sure would come. But it was no use—he thought back to Rachel singing, and a loud sob escaped his lips. Tears started falling freely down his cheeks and neck, reaching his hair and the collar of his shirt. “I wish. I’m not sure I believe that, but god, I wish.”

[thedollarcrate]

50 Best Albums (That I Own on Vinyl) of the Decade

It’s hard to comprehend how much transpires over the course of a decade or wrap your head around how long (or short) of time that really is.

But what better way to try than to make a list!

Now, I know “Best of” lists like this one are inherently subjective – and probably say more about their maker’s preferences than actually reflecting the best music released in a particular time period. And, I’ll be the first to admit that the list below is incredibly limited, and that I need to widen my exposure to more artists and genres.

But hey, this is all in fun.

So feel free to debate, pick apart or share your own favorite albums from the past decade. But before you dive in, just a few quick points for context:

-I only ranked albums I actually own on vinyl released between 2010 and 2019, which limited my choices to about 170 records.

-I only ranked new music released this past decade, so no reissues or older material released for the first time (sorry Prince’s Piano & A Microphone and Originals).

-I first started buying vinyl around ’09-’10 and started off purchasing mostly new releases before my habits shifted and I started looking for older records. This shows in the list below – nearly a quarter of the albums below were released in 2010 and almost 70% from the first half of the decade.

And we’re off…

50. Centipede Hz, Animal Collective (2012)

Let’s be honest, it was impossible for Animal Collective to top a universally acclaimed and era-defining album – and it was unfair to expect them to. But maybe the continuous onslaught of bizarre and eclectic music found on Centipede Hz was just what we needed after all.

49. Singles, Future Islands (2014)

So much more than Sam Herring’s pelvis busting dance moves and “Seasons (Waiting On You),” every track on Singlesbursts with life and heart pumping  energy. To quote Letterman: I’ll take all of that you got.

48. Paul’s Tomb: A Triumph, Frog Eyes (2010)

I don’t think I’ll ever understand Carey Mercer’s lyrics, but I’m certain I’ll never tire of getting lost in his hidden words and knotty melodies.

47. Leaving Atlanta, Gentleman Jesse (2012)

Thirty seven minutes of Pure Power Pop Perfection (note the capital “Ps”).

46. Burst Apart, The Antlers (2011)

If there’s another album with a song titled “Putting the Dog to Sleep” that is as haunting and beautiful as this one, I don’t want to know about it.

45. Carrion Crawler/The Dream, Thee Oh Sees (2011)

With John Dwyer churning out record after record in the ‘10s, it should come as no surprise that at least one landed on this list (and they’re all great). Garage rock. Surf rock. Post-punk rock. Psych rock. Noise rock. Rock rock. I don’t care what you call it, Thee Oh Sees put the pedal to the metal on Carrion Crawler/The Dream, taking you for a wild ride that never lets up.

44. 1989, Taylor Swift (2014)

Irresistibly catchy, everyone needs to satisfy their pop sweet tooth every now and then. 1989 is so sugary, it might just give you a cavity or two.

43. City Music, Kevin Morby (2017)

The city. The countryside. A beach. Aboard a train. At the pearly gates. It doesn’t matter where you listen to City Music because Kevin Morby’s jams will immediately transport you to your own laid back, happy place.

42. Remind Me Tomorrow, Sharon Van Etten (2019)

You’ll regret it if you keep waiting to listen this powerhouse – and powerful – synth-soaked record.

41. You Want It Darker, Leonard Cohen (2016)

It doesn’t get much darker, bleaker or sparse than this, but I wouldn’t want it any other way from the masterful Leonard Cohen.

40. American Dream, LCD Soundsystem (2017)

Retirement never sounded so good.

39. Capacity, Big Thief (2017)

Quietly captivating, mesmerizing and elegant, Big Thief knock you out without you even realizing it.

38. St. Vincent, St. Vincent (2014)

Annie Clark’s shapeshifting album won’t only shred your face off, it somehow makes you feel smarter, too.

37. Before Today, Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti (2010)

So, so weird and so, so good.

36. Expo 86, Wolf Parade (2010)

Like #50, Wolf Parade might always live in the shadow and expectations of a towering classic, yet somehow Spencer Krug and Dan Boeckner still continually craft eccentric and bombastic rock albums. Expo 86 is no exception, and it is an underrated classic in its own right.

35. Golden Hour, Kacey Musgraves (2018)

Like a sunset or sunrise, Golden Hour radiates beauty and warmth with each of its glowing tracks.

34. Yuck, Yuck (2011)

Despite their name and its hideous album cover, there’s nothing gross about Yuck’s infectious indie rock.

33. Play It Strange, The Fresh & Onlys (2010)

I once saw The Fresh & Onlys play at a tiny club in D.C. It might’ve been the loudest show I’ve ever been to – my ears rang for days. This record is just as rollicking, hazy and good as that show was loud.

32. Natalie Prass, Natalie Prass (2015)

There’s a reason “Welcome to 1979” is stamped in tiny letters on this vinyl’s inner ring – it’s silky smooth, filled with impeccable soft ballads and finely tuned jams – and just a tinge of funk.

31. I Am Easy To Find, The National (2019)

Few bands matched the consistent output of quality albums in the ‘10s as The National. They had one heck of a run, and I Am Easy To Find was a fascinating way to end it – a 21st rock album that felt more complex and expansive than anything they’d done before.

30. Melodrama, Lorde (2018)

Everything a pop record should be and then some – bold, breathtaking and exuberant.

29. Just Enough Hip To Be Woman, Broncho (2014)

If you can’t tell from its playful title, this pop rock album wants nothing more than to have fun – and it succeeds on every level.

28. Avi Buffalo, Avi Buffalo (2010)

Sometimes all you want is a light, sunny and meandering album to wash over you and get lost in, and this one will do the trick every time.

27. Hippies, Harlem (2010)

Imagine a band practicing inside a garage inside a garage inside another garage and you’ve got Harlem. This is garage rock to the max – and at its rambunctious best.

26. Puberty 2, Mitski (2016)

It’s hard to describe Puberty 2. Sure, it might sound like simple dreamy indie rock, but it ebbs and flows in unexpected ways that leaves you guessing where it’s heading next.

25. mbv, My Bloody Valentine (2013)

Picking up right where they left off – even if it was more than a decade later – My Bloody Valentine reminded everyone why they are the masters of reverb soaked shoegaze.

24. A Moon Shaped Pool, Radiohead (2016)

Even after all these years and albums, Radiohead still found a way to reinvent themselves and push the boundaries of rock music – and our expectations of them. With gorgeous arrangements and slow-burning, tension filled tracks, AMSP proves that even Radiohead can still take risks – and proves rock bands can make quiet, intimate songs sound epic. Oh yeah, and it has “True Love Waits.”

23. Art Angels, Grimes (2015)

Grimes gave us the future of pop music before most could even envision it. This laid the groundwork for all the challenging and intricate – and danceable – pop music that would follow. And it still sounds ahead of its time.

22. Meet Me At The Muster Station, PS I Love You (2010)

The first sounds out of Paul Saulnier’s mouth on Meet Me At The Munster Station aren’t words at all but two short, ecstatic yelps. And this same boundless energy and passion bleeds through on every fuzzy, raucous second of every track. Did I mention there’s a song called “Butterflies & Boners”?

21. More Than Any Other Day, Ought (2014)

You really ought to listen to Ought if you aren’t already. Tim Darcy and co. sound a bit uneasy, paranoid and self-aware, but they make the most minute challenges sound so exhilarating and life-altering – even the struggle deciding between two percent and whole milk at the grocery store.

20. Lemonade, Beyoncé (2017)

All hail Queen Bey.

19. Twin-Hand Movement, Lower Dens (2010)

This album sounds like 2 am on a dark, rainy Saturday night – in the best way imaginable.

18. Tomboy, Panda Bear (2011)

You can always count on Panda Bear to make hypnotic, loopy electronic music sound so breezy and effortless.

17. Modern Vampires Of The City, Vampire Weekend (2013)

I don’t know why, but I want to dislike Vampire Weekend so much. But that’s impossible when their music is so damn good and every note sounds so neat and perfect.

16. Past Life Martyred Saints, EMA (2011)

Just do yourself and listen to this album please.

15. The Archandroid, Janelle Monáe (2010)

Blending too many genres to count, this is what I imagine music sounds like in space.

14. Carrie & Lowell, Sufjan Stevens (2015)

I’ll let you know how I feel about this one after I stop crying.

13. The Suburbs, Arcade Fire (2010)

It’s everything you either love or hate about Arcade Fire. Grand, sincere and sweeping rock that swings for the fences with every guitar chord, drumbeat and horn blast. I love it.

12. Silence Yourself, Savages (2013)

Savages grab you by the throat and never let go – this is one intense album.

11. Helplessness Blues, Fleet Foxes (2011)

This might be the epitome of ‘10s indie rock – and for good reason. Introspective, sensitive and searching for some greater meaning, Robin Pecknold holds nothing back and lays it all out on Helplessness Blues.

10. Kaputt, Destroyer (2011)

Dan Bejar is an enigma and seemingly reluctant rock star. I saw him perform an acoustic set where he spent a majority of the time playing with his back towards the audience (although in fairness, it was at a free outdoor show on a college campus with people mostly chatting obnoxiously over him), and yet it’s as if his creativity requires him to constantly release new albums and show them off. Kaputt is as equally strange and mysterious – and just as creative – as its maker.

9. Black Star, David Bowie (2016)

Take away the heartbreaking circumstances surrounding this album’s release and it would still be in the top tier of David Bowie’s extensive catalogue. Experimenting until the very end, Bowie morphed into something entirely new one last time. Part jazz, part rock and part I’m not sure what you would call it, the results were once again out of this world. He couldn’t give it all away, but we’re sure thankful for what he could.

8. Bon Iver, Bon Iver (2011)

Shedding the cabin in the woods vibe, Justin Vernon took a giant leap forward with Bon Iver and made ‘80s soft rock popular.

7. Celebration Rock, Japandroids (2012)

Perhaps the most aptly named album on this list, no other album exudes the joy of making music and rocking out with your buddy than this one. It’s hard to believe all that noise and energy comes from just two people.

6. Burn Your Fire For No Witness, Angel Olsen (2014)

Angel Olsen’s hypnotic and seductive vocals, lyrics and guitar suck you in immediately, mesmerizing you from the first gentle strums to the peaks and valleys of “Lights Out” and “Stars” all the way to the closer’s pulsing drumbeats and majestic piano.

5. Black Messiah, D'Angelo And The Vanguard (2015)

Oozing with cool, sexy and confident R&B funk, D’Angelo returned after 14 years with an instant soul masterpiece.

4. The Monitor, Titus Andronicus (2010)

It says a lot when a band can a.) make an hour plus punk rock record b.) loosely base it on the Civil War c.) quote Abraham Lincoln d.) close it out with a 14 minute track inspired by a famous naval battle and e.) still make you want to listen to it over and over and over again.

3. Lost In The Dream, The War On Drugs (2014)

The rare album that can feel vast and ambitious and yet deeply private and personal all at once. You really will get lost in these soaring songs.

2. Halcyon Digest, Deerhunter (2010)

At times perfectly melodic and structured and at others feeling on the brink of falling apart, Halcyon Digest is a paradox – sounding peaceful, bright and idyllic while also peering over the edge into something darker. This is a remarkable record from a remarkable band. If not for the abrupt end to the darkly beautiful closer “He Would Have Laughed,” Halcyon Digest sounds like it could go on forever.

1. Let England Shake, PJ Harvey (2011)

A stunning, thought-provoking, and moving – not to mention endlessly listenable – transcendent piece of art about life and the Great War. PJ Harvey doesn’t hold back on the brutality and absurdity of armed conflict, and the album’s devastating closing track – “The Colour of the Earth” – will linger in your mind long after the record stops spinning. As powerful today as it was eight years ago, this album will remain timely and important for years – and decades – to come.

[tessatechaitea]

Scarab #5

Scarab just learned how to use "whomst'd" correctly.

Maybe the sudden need for drugs was due to this character with my name trying to kill himself.

I hadn't actually gotten to the part where the guy notes he's on drugs or that he's surrounded by poppies so I think I just have to give credit to John Smith's writing for setting up a real "I'm fucking overdosing on pain killers" tone. Now I'm also jealous of a fictional nobody. If only I had too many painkillers right now, um, well, I'd probably never hit publish on this blog post and all five of my readers would be wondering, "When the fuck is Grunion Guy (or Tess (or Jeff (or whoever the fuck this asshole is))) ever going to finish reading Scarab?" According to my Non-Certified Sister-in-law, nutritionists have to report people for suicidal ideation. She told this to me because she's a nutritionist and I said to her one night at karaoke that my current retirement plan was to do whatever the fuck I wanted until my bank account was dry and then kill myself. But she never reported me so I guess she doesn't realize that's actually my retirement plan. Speaking of karaoke, I knocked another song off of my karaoke bucket list this week: "Like China" by Phil Collins. I fucked that song so hard on stage, some woman high-fived me and some other guy came up to me and thanked me for reminding him that the song exists. He was super drunk. Super drunk guys love me at karaoke. One time this guy whose name I believe was Creepy Kevin asked me, after I'd just sung "Everybody Knows," if I was doing it in the style of Leonard Cohen or Concrete Blonde. I said Concrete Blonde and he said, "Your voice really suits it." Which is when I stabbed him in the throat and tossed him in the dumpster out back with the leftover spring rolls from the night before because how dare he insult Johnette Napolitano! She has the voice of an angel and I have the voice of the person the angel walks on so that they don't have to get their feet dirty at the angel orgy. I know nobody is reading this and thinking, "What the fuck are you talking about?! What has happened to Scarab this issue?! Has Eleanor found her way home?!" How many people even remember that this comic book ever existed?! I just read four issues of it a week and a half ago and I almost forgot it existed! This issue is called "Paradise Defiled" which I just read although maybe my subconscious read it earlier (due to the comic being opened to that page and just sitting there on the scanner) which is why I was thinking about angel orgies. This guy Jeff is somebody Louis knows. An old woman — maybe his mother? — phones Louis to ask if he's seen him. So that's how Scarab gets involved with Jeff's suicidal problem. Meanwhile, Eleanor is sprouting ecotoplasmic rivulets. It's super gross. But this issue isn't about Scarab and Eleanor! At least I don't think it is. It's about Jeff waking up from his pleasant and relaxing overdose to find himself in an afterlife torture garden sex party. He totally hates it and I understand why. The place is first described as "a literal incarnation of a littoral world" and I have to stop myself from Googling "home lobotomy." The first tortured sex victim he meets is a guy strapped to a wheel with a bunch of knives in him spouting "Vertigo phrases." I explained "Vertigo phrases" in a previous commentary (or all of my previous Vertigo commentaries maybe?) but for those who somehow just stumbled upon this commentary because "every blog post is somebody's first" (although why Scarab #5 would be somebody's first is beyond comprehension), here's a nice example of "Vertigo phrasing."

It doesn't have to mean anything. It just needs to sound weirdly profound while making the reader feel like a real fucking smarty pants.

Jeff is taken to some Herod-like angel named Lord Colouris. He's also a bit like a cross between John Lennon and Jabba the Hutt. Did I just describe David Crosby? Lord Colouris declares he's going to make a new man out of Jeff and I don't think he means it figuratively. In the middle of the Garden stands the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. It bears the fruit of truth and whispers as skulls pile up beneath it from those feeding on its devastating pronouncements. Also, I sort of agree with what it's saying here:

Ninety-eight percent of this blog is me screaming from the anguish of losing the bliss of nonexistence.

Not that I think I'm evil. Nor do I believe in souls. But that whole anguish over the loss of nonexistence? That hits me fucking hard, bro. Look, it even made me call you bro. I'm hurting here, dude. See? I said dude too! The rest of what the tree says is meaningless gobbledygook. Something about sex tearing the flanks of God and a snake jerking it into a pot of clay like my junior high school classmate Chris Huff beating off in a breadbox. Maybe it makes sense to guilt-ridden Catholics but it's all wasted on me. I'm just wondering if I should do a Google search on a snake ejaculating. I've done it before for bats and let me tell you: there's a great video of a bat at a zoo sucking itself off in front of some kids! Truly a work of art. So privileged to live in this modern age and able to experience such wonders of this world! Lord Colouris turns Jeff into a monstrosity because he's trying to reform the lost souls that wind up in the Garden of Pain into his image before he fell from Heaven. But he can't do it because everybody who enters the Garden is tainted by their boring and uncreative lives. To finally make a work of art equal to his previous state of being, Lord Colouris releases all of his Frankenstein monsters into the world to hunt down a truly innocent and beautiful person who can provide the raw material for Lord Colouris's sculpture. Jeff is now one of them. Being uncreative morons, the monsters raid nurseries all over New York. Idiots. How many babies does it take to create an angel? Probably like millions! Some of the monsters seek out Eleanor because her leaking bodily fluids smell succulent and, I guess, virginal? I don't know. Like I said, she's gross. I hope they take her. Instead of Eleanor, the monsters accidentally take Scarab back to the Garden where he's quickly defeated by Colouris with a tree grown up through his guts. Then Scarab, like a true super hero, remembers that he can't be defeated if he just summons one last burst of strength and hope to overcome his enemy! Which he totally does by biting Lord Colouris's tongue off (because Lord Colouris was doing naughty things to Scarab. So naughty that I was embarrassed to discuss them). Then he punches Colouris in the throat and he barfs up the keys to all of his monsters' souls. Plus the key to his own soul which Monster Jeff helps Scarab find. Scarab recognizes him and thinks, "Fuck. Okay, I guess I'll just have to tell Jeff's mother he's dead." Then Scarab sticks the key in Colouris's head and the Garden dissolves into an empty room with a ticking metronome. That probably makes really smart people go, "Holy fuck! That's fucking brilliant! What a great reference or theory or idea or intelligent bit of philosophical scat!" And, um, that's totally what I said too. I'm not one of those morons who don't understand Vertigo comic books. Pshaw! Can you even believe uncool losers like that exist?! Scarab #5 Rating: You know how many things I had to look up on the Internet while reading this comic book? At least two! Maybe more but even two is a lot! Remember, I first read this in 1993 when most people didn't have Internet (and those that did were spending their time in AOL and Prodigy chat rooms with names like "Horoscope Lovers" and "Remember The A-Team?!"). So that's two things I definitely didn't understand when I read it the first time because you can believe that I was too lazy to pick up a dictionary in the middle of reading a comic book. And that's even assuming that I'm the type of person to own a dictionary! Man, stop embarrassing yourself with your lousy assumptions!

[doomedandstoned]

An Interview With Hell

~By Calvin Lampert~

Oregon has long established itself as a cradle for doom metal, to the point where you’re not really surprised anymore to find out that the new band you've discovered turns out to be from Portland. Yet there’s still much gold to be found when you scratch the surface and venture beyond the YOBs and Red Fangs of the world. In short, there’s more to the Beaver State than meets the eye.

Likewise, the Salem-based HELL mastermind MSW would generally not stand out in your typical Roadburn crowd, where long hair, beards, and a ragged denim jacket are standard fare. You might notice the weary eyes and Lucky Strike tattoo on second glance, but you probably wouldn’t know that you’re standing next to one of the most gifted songwriters doom has currently on offer. Which I am thankful for, as we were forced to do interview in a lobby on account of the press room being unexpectedly closed -- aside from one person asking for a picture with him, nobody seemed to recognize him.

I was nervous and starstruck in my own way, on account of finally meeting the other half of what I’d like to call the “Oregon Circle” that brought us bands like Hell, Merkstave, Urzeit, Elu of the Nine, et al, having already interviewed the first half, MSW's frequent collaborator ALN (of Mizmor fame) the day prior. However, he broke the ice immediately by complementing my Primitive Man shirt and informing me that he’d release a split with them next year (which was incredibly hard to keep my mouth shut about, but turned out great, unsurprisingly).

What follows is our conversation on the third day of the 2018 edition of Roadburn, presented here at the one-year anniversary of Hell's appearance to the storied Dutch festival.

Let's talk about the new record. Were you surprised about the reception of it? I personally loved it, and it was one of my favorite records of 2017.

Yeah, it was better than I thought it would be.

I felt that the new record leaned more towards the doom metal side, as opposed to the previous material, which was a bit more routed in black metal and had more quiet moments. Was that a deliberate choice?

We, being me and the people I play live with, had been playing the material for a long time and I just wanted to write something that is fun to play live, too. Less slow, quiet moments, more mid-tempo, more fun on the road.

Which I thought was so great about the record. It’s all punishment until the mid-section of Victus, when that one quiet section hits like a freight train.

Yeah, that’s just how I write things. I wanted a little something like Hell III so I put that in there. Little bit of quiet, little bit of loud.

What can we expect from upcoming Hell releases?

Just more of the same.

Hell (full length) by MSW

Not a full blown black metal record?

No. As far as my own songwriting goes, I’m not a huge fan of blast beats. I prefer that groove, you know. Incorporating various influences -- stoner metal, death metal.

Just as with Mizmor (whose own A.L.N. provides live drums and vocals for Hell) I think I’m hearing a lot of atypical sounds in Hell's music, things you wouldn’t normally find in metal. So, for example, what inspired songs like "Foetorem Timere"?

Oh, I worked on that song for three years. Had it on my recorder forever, but classical -- that’s my influence. I grew up with it. My ma, my grandma, and my grandpa, my whole maternal side of the family, were all music majors. My grandpa was the music professor at Western Oregon University. I grew up with classical music constantly blasting in the house. I hated it at first, wanted to listen to Nirvana, you know? Eventually, there were some songs like the romantic adagios that really got me hooked on it, with the way the harmonies would work together.

What first got you into metal?

Like most people, Black Sabbath. I started hanging out with the Burial Grounds Crew. They’d have me play bass in really crazy heavy bands and I wasn’t even really into metal. And eventually they’d show me these bands from a genre called doom metal that I had never heard of. I was around 15 at that time and I was like: “What the fuck is this shit? It’s pretty cool. I like this! I can probably write shit like this.” And they were like: “Oh dude, you totally should try.” So, I went home and wrote "Brutus" (which would eventually end up on Hell I). I went back to them, asked them if this worked, and they thought it was rad, that I should write more. And within three months, I had written the rest of the songs.

And you were 15 at when you wrote these songs?

No, no, I was 15 when I started hanging out with those guys and smoking weed. I was 17 when I wrote these songs.

That’s impressive. I love that section in "Brutus" where you just start rocking out, it’s so unexpected.

Yeah, it’s fun.

Hell I by M.S.W. A.L.N.

I’m not sure how much truth there is behind this, but I read somewhere that Hell was supposed to call it quits after 'III.' Is that true?

Yeah, I say all sorts of shit. I will get tired. My voice is gone, my throat is sore, I drink too much. The lifestyle of a musician, the touring, it gets to you -- but I like playing. Sheene, who plays guitars with me in the band, is my old best friend, and we’re together in a rock and roll/blues band called The Fools. And that’s what I really love to do. Hell represents different phases of my life. Those that were really hard, like when my dad and grandparents died in the span of two years. I wrote all this music in the buildup to and the aftermath of that. Now I’m just not that bummed out anymore. And I’m not going to fake it. I see a lot of people doing -- or rather faking -- that sound, but I’m not feeling it. And I’m not going to produce music, if I’m not feeling that way.

So if you got the idea for a riff, you just stash it away for later?

If I have an idea I’ll record, but I only get ideas when I’m going through bad times. Or when I’m really high.

But what made you come back then?

Well, I already play live drums in Mizmor for however many shows Liam (ALN) wants me to, and he plays drums for me. I’ve got a lot of traveling anxiety, so I told him that if I go over to Roadburn, we might as well bring along all the other solo projects we are in. And I was really into the whole idea, as long as I’d be home for my birthday to be with my family, but as it turned out Hell is playing on my birthday. But yeah, the traveling anxiety, me not liking big crowds and so on, that led me to saying I’d end Hell, but I’m still here and having a good time.

Is there any new music besides Hell that you’re working on? I discovered Merkstave just a week ago and I totally fell in love with it.

Oh, Merkstave is an old one. That was started by Paul Riedl and Kyle Watson in 2007. They asked me to play guitar and then we wrote Spawn of a Lower Star. Then I played bass in a punk band called Midnight Persuasion and guitar in Teenage Handmodels, which was one of those dirty, sleazy rock and roll bands. And then of course the aforementioned Fools.

Hell III by Hell

And what records have you been listening to a lot recently?

Superfly by Curtis Mayfield. Lots of Leonard Cohen, The War on Drugs, Spectral Voice. Paul is a good friend of mine. He was in Merkstave and he got me doing metal in the first place.

That new Spectral Voice record was great.

Yeah, I just love Paul and their shit is just rad to me. It’s some of my favorite death metal.

What are some sets you’re going to catch here at Roadburn?

I really wanna see Earthless -- ideally, each of their sets. And Godspeed. And I wanna catch the Mizmor set. I don’t really know that many of the bands that are playing, so I’ll just walk around and try to catch a little bit of everything. And support them, buy some merch.

Defining records in your life?

The Wall. Paranoid and Master of Reality. And Peasant by Thou. Really funny people, too. Electric Wizard's Come My Fanatics and Dopethrone.

I find it kind of funny, as I’ve seen people refer to Hell as 'Dopethrone' being recorded by a black metal band.

People say that. I’m not really hearing it. To me, Windhand and Cough got that EW sound.

Split with HELL by Primitive Man

How would you describe Hell to someone?

I don’t really know. I mean, there’s blackened doom or however the terminology for that may be -- there’s so many different names. It’s hard to describe. It’s a lot of different things, but I can tell you what I like. A heavy tone, low tuning, a good rumble, thumpy bass, tight snare, and a punchy, huge kick drum. Echo on the vocals, so it sounds like you’re in a trance.

Oh, I loved the bass sound on the new record, it’s absolutely rotten.

Yeah, I recorded that one with a guitar amp. Been using the same Fender combo for all my recordings since Hell I. I don’t even know what it is, but it sounds cool.

Last question: What five objects would one have to lay into a Pentagram to summon you?

Oh, Liam already warned me about this question. A blackface Big Muff. A pack of Lucky Strikes. A bottle of gin. An Epiphone SG. Not a Gibson, the new ones are terrible. And a pulled pork sandwich.

GO TO HELL

[modernlcve]

*  —  stats —   tatum cohen !

* — basics !

full name:   tatum mackenzie cohen. nickname(s):   her dad called her Tatum Tot and yeah she hated it but. what can u do age:   twenty. date of birth:   january fifth. place of birth:   carina bay,    north carolina. gender:   female. pronouns:   she / her. sexual orientation:   lesbian. level of education:   high school graduate. pursuing a degree in geology + geography.

* — physical !

tattoos:  none. piercings:   ears pierced once. notable features:   she’s bleached her hair to feel alive if even for a fleeting moment. weakness(es):   half gremlin. scar(s):   none.

* — domestic !

occupation:   student.   waitress. residence:  she stills lives at home. social class:   idk i should ask but . parents:   she shares a mom with the rhodes siblings,   i feel like we’ve Covered her story.   her dad,   dave cohen,  lives in charlotte and hasn’t been in carina for a hot minute. siblings:   the whole gang.  in addition,   her dad has two kids with his wife,   another two half brothers,   ethan and mason, middle schoolers she frankly can’t connect with. extended family:   yeah this is one i could consult for but i feel like if there’s any discernible family she probably avoids them too.

* — personality !

positive traits:   disciplined.   resourceful.   sincere. negative traits:   jaded.   harsh.   reclusive. myers-briggs ( x ):   istj;   the logistician. temperament:   choleric. moral alignment:   neutral good. horoscope:  capricorn,   the sea goat. hogwarts house:  slytherin.

* — favorites !

movie:   donnie darko. tv show:   true detective. book:   frankenstein by mary shelley. drink:   blue powerade. food:   literally any pasta. animal:   seals. color:   olive green. song:   piece of my heart by janis joplin. artist:   haim. celebrity crush:   rosario dawson.

* — impressions !

first impression:  she’s defensive.   she knows her family has a reputation,   she knows she has a reputation.   she knows that all proceeds her,   and she tries to assert herself beyond all that right from the get go.   its why she comes off as an asshole   ( asides from her just being an asshole ). self impression:   she genuinely does have a superiority complex over a lot of people In Town.   she thinks she’s smart and capable and will be able to handle herself when she’s finally out,   but first she’s just got to get out. lover impression:   no clue.   she’s really in a place where she’s not Mature enough to have a real relationship.   just messing around she could probably handle,   but she’s  too selfish to actually be a Partner to someone.

* — et cetera !

turn ons:   quick wits,   ambition.   intelligence. turn offs:   if she deems you Vapid you’re Out. drink/drugs/smoke:   yes/no/no. dominant hand:   right. clean or messy:   clean. early bird or night owl:   night owl. hobbies or special talents:   she can do a back handspring.

* — QUESTIONNAIRE !

01. where was your character born? what brought them to carina? what do they like most about the town?

tatum was born in carina.   she doesn’t want to stay,   but she’s sticking around for the time being,   while she finishes her degree.   the biggest perk at this point is living this close to the beach:   she’s not a complete monster,   she likes spending afternoons out by the ocean and taking long reflective walks around to Center herself.

02. who are your character’s friends and family? who do they surround themselves with? who are the people your character is closest to?

we know the Situation w/ her moms part of the family.   of everyone there,   i think she considers herself closest to bristol,   she grew up really admiring her even if she was too big of a bitch to actually let her actions and words reflect that.    when she was little,   she saw her dad at least monthly for a good while,   but when she was twelve,   he got married,   and started a family with his life.   tatum became an afterthought and it’s just another thing on the long list of reasons she’s permanently pissed off.   she’s probably got friends but they’re pretentious and mean like her.

03. what is your character’s biggest fear? who have they told this to? who would they never tell this to? why?

tatum’s biggest fear is that getting out of carina won’t magically make her life better.   she worries that no matter where she is,   maybe she’s just not likable or something,   or that she’ll continue to fall into situations where she makes reasons for people to talk about her behind her back.   she wants everything to fall into place after she moves away,   but she has the lingering fear that it won’t be that easy.   she hasn’t told his to anyone.

04. has your character ever been in love? had a broken heart?

tatum’s love life is virtually nonexistent.   she’s never dated,   never been the type to just fool around.   she’s had crushes,   the big wistful kind,   but she’s too big of a debbie downer to ever act on them and too big of a negative nancy for any girl to have realized she was into them long enough to make the first move.   it’s just not her top priority right now.   she’ll settle for admiring girls from afar until she can get out of carina and do dating right.

her dad did break her heart a little though.

06. it’s saturday at noon. what is your character doing? give details.

she’s holed up in the library,   either studying or just fucking around on the world wide web.   she prefers posting up there for the day than hanging around the house,   she finds it easier to focus or get a moment of silence to her fucking self if she’s there,   or maybe loitering around a coffee shop.

07. what is one strong memory that has stuck with your character since childhood?

she genuinely does have fond memories of her big wild family.   she doesn’t completely want them to choke.   she remembers a dumb family backyard camping trip they went on when she was a kid.   like most of her fond memories with her family,   it was isolated from the town,   a time when what everyone else in town thought didn’t matter,   what mattered was who could tell the best scary story and bristol making sure nobody got 2 close 2 the fire when they made smores.  

09. what is something that upsets your character? where do they go when they’re upset?

tatum is literally always upset.   ol’ gal is an ace at finding something to bitch about do NOT underestimate her.   as i’ve beat over ur head multiple times by now,   she’s very preoccupied with reputation and people judging her unfairly.   when she’s upset,   she goes to the pier and fucks around a little,   or,   she goes to the library to simply power thru.   she just doesn’t have the energy to really address every time shes upset.   if she did,   she’d never get anything done.

10. when your character thinks of their childhood kitchen, what smell do they associate with it? why?

whatever bristol’s go 2 meal was.   while tatum got to be around for More of her mom’s good years than the older kids,   she’s still just perfectly nestled in the middle enough to remember the bad times too.   its one of the reasons bristol is the only motherfucker out here worth Respect.

[sylvestersrpg]

EVENT WRAP UP AND RECAPS. 

The mixer, in Sue’s humble opinion, was an absolute success. There was a certain amount of liveliness to the party only the guest could provide. Sure, this was in part due to all the alcohol that was snuck in, but Sue doesn’t know that. All she saw was happy residents. 

Below the cut is all the listed headcanons for each character for the Mixer event Sue threw!

AJ ALVAREZ 

At the party Aj - completely sober - decided that the place needed someone to get down to start the fun. He took it upon himself to be the one that’d dance to give others the courage to do so.

He didn’t stay completely sober though, after a while grabbing the flask he’d hidden in his waistband and getting moderately drunk before he ended up heading back to his room sometime after midnight.

BLAINE ANDERSON 

Despite the mixer’s classification as a “dry” event, Blaine’s not opposed to breaking the rules if it means having a good time. Besides, it took some serious liquid courage to wash down the flavorless cardboard Sue called “pizza.” While he’d classify the playlist as “very eclectic,” it only took a couple of drinks to get him twerking center stage on the dance floor. Thus, his thicc ass (he does squats!) is the star of several of Delaney’s pixs from the night. 

He wasted no time responding to Finn’s text asking to meet him in the courtyard. Blame it on the alcohol, adrenaline, or his weird obsession with how far apart Finn’s nipples are on his chest. The sitch might seem dirty from the outside looking in, but Blaine’s into what they’ve got going on. It’s satisfying knowing he can get his best friend off when he needs it most and he’s pretty sure he’s Finn’s fave person to do it. They ended their night cuddled up in B’s bed nakey, safe and sound. 

FIONA ANDERSON 

Fiona couldn’t survive at a party like Sue’s without alcohol, so when Santana offered up a bottle of liquor soon after their arrival, Fi couldn’t help but get carried away. After more booze than the average person should consume in the span of four hours, Fiona passed out in Santana’s bed, completely oblivious as to anything that might have happened the night before. 

In between taking shots with her roommate and avoiding the rest of the crowd, Fiona spotted her longtime ex-girlfriend, Brittany. She thought several times about going to confront the other girl, but every time she got too close, Brittany seemed to find the nearest object to hide behind. After the first few tries, Fiona decided to give up in favor for another round of shots.

DELANEY ANDREWS

She didn’t drink. At all, for various reasons, but mostly because it was more fun to watch her apartment mates get wasted and do various insane things (maybe, possibly, I like to hope someone did something crazy). While she boasts about her camera being full of blackmail (that she has no intention to use), it’s actually full of fairly tame photos, moments of fun captured and frozen in time, proof that perhaps the party wasn’t a complete waste.

She didn’t actually interact, not a whole lot. “Camera ghost” is actually almost appropriate. Not that she’s totally inept in social situations, but she would only bite if someone walked up to her. She’ll save her wild side for another time.

AUDREY BAER

Post pre-game, Audrey did her best to casually insert herself in each and every conversation, butting into everybody’s business in ways she claims are “charming.” She found Sue’s lack of follow through disappointing, but not entirely party pooping and with Mitchell to cheer her on, she successfully completed a number of handstands both fully clothed and shirtless.

Not wanting Delaney to feel left out, she showered her with drunken affections she didn’t actually ask for, pulling her into the thick of things for her own, selfish benefit. She white girl twerked and attempted to plant one on her neighbor, but was rudely interrupted by Santana’s sobbing. Following Delaney’s Cinderella-esque escape come nine o’clock, she took the party to Finn and Silas’, where she promptly decided to actually pursue the Eiffel Tower she had “planned” with Jo and Frankie.

CHRISTIAN COHEN-CHANG 

At the beginning of the mixer, Christian kept more to himself, still being new to the apartment building. It wasn’t until Jo took it upon herself to take him around and introduce him to people. All the while, she was slipping him alcohol from her flask the entire time. As the alcohol got into his system, Christian became more of a social butterfly.

Once the mixer was over, and Christian was drunk, he tried to go back to his apartment. About half way down, he stumbled and fell down the stairs. All in all, it took him about 20 minutes or so to get up and actually get into the apartment. And it was all to cuddle with the doggos at the end of the night.

HUNTER CLARINGTON 

While at the party Hunter stayed mostly to himself, save for a moment where he spoke with Sebastian that turned into very sexual flirting.

Once he wrapped things up with Sebastian he then headed back up to his room, only spending about an hour and a half in the lobby the entire mixer.

TYLER CLARKE

Tyler spent the majority of the mixer keeping to himself, drinking the spiked too sweet fruit punch someone had handed him. There was a lot of Candy Crush played that night on his end. He beat the level he was stuck on! It was a great accomplishment on his end.

He felt slightly awkward coming across Marley being there. While she seemed to stay close to her sister’s side and ignoring his existence he still kept glancing her way. That resulted in plenty of glares and nasty looks in response from Eliza who looked none too happy to see him there. 

QUINN FABRAY 

It is a well-known fact that Quinn is an angry drunk (i use to have ABS), and she spent a good portion of the night being petty about stupid things: “Who holds a mixer in a conference room?” But if there were shots, she was there, and she did as much laughing as she did yelling.

It is also a well-known fact that Quinn hates Mitchell Puckerman, and Mitchell Puckerman’s drum set. There was a moment when Mitch looked at her, just a look, and Quinn went off. It was cured later by another shot and a God-awful hangover to help her forget, but that neighborly relationship is as good as shot. She’s not actually sure she’s settling in, and the mixer didn’t help. Her job at the paper is boring, and her relationship with her sister isn’t exactly blossoming. The anger faded with the alcohol, but a sinking feeling she’d made the wrong decision took its place.

FRANKIE FABRAY 

Frankie spent the former half of her night talking to Fiona. She was originally very scared of drinking at Sue’s party, because she thought that if she was caught Sue would cut her head off. 

The latter half of her night was wild. She went to Silas’ after party where she got very drunk; more drunk than she’s been in months, and admitted to Jo and Audrey that she’s been fantasizing about hooking up with a girl for a very long time. The result? A threesome. 

FINN HUDSON

Despite the below average amount of decorations and alcohol for what would usually be considered a “mixer” Finn genuinely had a good time. He got to the event just after 7:00pm and began making his rounds to greet some familiar faces, stopping to dance with AJ Alvarez a bit as well (AKA getting everyone to do the YMCA). One other familiar face being, Fiona Blair, whom he hadn’t realized was living in the same building as him but recognized that they had a friend in common from Rhode Island College. They spent a good amount of time chatting and getting to know one another while sipping on a few drinks. And now Finn is pretty confident that they’ll hang out again sometime.

Around 8:30pm Finn was a couple of drinks into the night and began to get a little tipsy. And when Finn is tipsy he tends to also get horny. So, he sent a text to his best friend with benefits, Blaine Anderson, to meet him in the Courtyard away from the party. After drunkenly making out for a little while, Blaine invited Finn back to his apartment to continue their fun. Being at Blaine’s apartment was important because if they went to Finn’s they’d be stuck in the middle of the “after party” at Finn and Silas’ apartment where free tattoos were being offered. And though Finn had every intention of getting his first tattoo from Silas that night, he ended up crashing at Blaine’s place instead.

KURT HUMMEL 

Kurt went to the mixer in an attempt to get to know the people living in his apartment building a little better; he wasn’t planning on getting drunk. He had a few drinks, talked to a few people, and was planning on going back up to his apartment once he started getting bored. Then the karaoke started. He had fun singing a few songs - he really did love to perform - but the karaoke adventure soon turned into a heated competition between himself and Madison McCarthy, fueled by the alcohol he hadn’t meant to keep drinking.

Kurt has a few tattoos, but he hadn’t really planned on getting any more any time soon. Until he started drinking at this party. Silas Xavier had a tattoo gun, and before he knew it Kurt had two new tattoos: a small calligraphy of ‘no ragrets’ on his right shoulder blade and a smallish picture of Santana Lopez’s face just below his left clavical.

SANTANA LOPEZ 

Santana, as always, made an entrance late with Fiona on her arm. Smuggling a fifth between her boobs wasn’t easy, but she took one for the team and poured shots for hot tenants and hot tenants only. Though claiming she hadn’t come to socialize, her emotions and her alcohol got the best of her, and she ended up crying on numerous shoulders.

She met big fan Brittany Pierce, signed her boobs and made out with her upon request, gave her number to Mitchell, of all people, and joked about doing the do with her roomie, but was ultimately too distraught to do so. When they did stumble home, they passed out together. Half naked and spooning. In Santana’s bed.

RYDER LYNN

Ryder brought Code Red Mountain Dew to the party and his Ninja blender he won at Dave n Busters, along with enough bananas and strawberries to sink a ship to make some smoothies. Anyone that didn’t like banana/strawberry was shit out of luck.

Tipsy, Ryder spent his entire evening following Eliza around and making sure that no one else hit on her. It was pathetic and sad and everyone can see that he likes her except for Eliza. After everyone said goodnight, Ryder went home, threw off his clothes, and watched Hoarders - on top of downing 6 tacos he’d bought from a food truck the day before. The hangover was real though yikes.

MASON MCCARTHY

Mason spent a good portion of the night getting down and dirty once he was drunk; putting his stripper skills to good use by performing a small show via one of the tables. No clothes were removed, but he was pretty great at hip gyrating.

He also participated in a drunk rendition of he and Madison’s go-to karaoke song: “Midnight Memories” by One Direction. He was off key for probably 99% of the song, and he did receive the occasional “boo” due to the song choice, but he sang as passionately as he could and had the time of his life.

JO MEEKS 

For quite a bit of the mixer, she had her arm firmly wrapped around Christian’s impressively large bicep, taking him from person to person to introduce him to the apartment goers. However, she did have to loosen him up just a smidge, which was where her trusty flask came in handy. 

By the end of the night, her flask was bone-dry, and Christian was in much better spirits, allowing her to leave his side eventually to try her hand at that Eiffel Tower Audrey had promised. And leave it to Aud to come through. Somehow, she, Frankie, and Audrey had stumbled their way into one of their apartments, and their clothes practically flew right off – along with any recollection of what happened thereafter.

BRITTANY PIERCE

Brittany, in fear of being recognized by her ex-girlfriend, Fiona, spent most of the night finding zany ways to avoid confrontation. This included dropping everything and leaving conversations at a moments notice, wearing a lampshade on her head, and hiding behind people that were slightly taller her. 

The night was not a total bust though; Brittany met the weather lady of her dreams: Santana Lopez. She promptly fangirled and asked her to sign her tits. 

PETER PIERCE 

Thursday was pretty busy for Peter. He had just sign the lease for his apartment when Sue Sylvester reminded him to show tonight for the luau that she worked hard on. Before she could drag him into mini rant about how much everything cost her, he thanked her again for everything and told her he’d be glad to see her tonight after he got some things settled into his apartment. For the most part of the day, he worked hard building every new piece of furniture that he’d need set up for his things. He wouldn’t have everything done tonight but it was good to know he’d have bookshelves, dressers, his bed, and his tv stand for when he’d move in tomorrow. He’d need a new couch eventually but for now this was all he felt he’d need at the moment.

When he made his way downstairs for the party he found it very hard to join in. The people didn’t look too bad. But he did feel a major discomfort since he didn’t know everyone. Something he was used to really. There were a couple of moments now and then that a flash would bother his eyes but after moving to the far corner with a cheap slice of pizza in hand and a can of soda, he felt like he could stay there for a bit and mostly observe his new neighbors. Of course he made sure to let Sue see him and thank her again for everything. But it wasn’t long after till he grew bored and tired from the long day he had. It was at eight thirty that he found his way back to his room upstairs.

NOAH PUCKERMAN

tba.

MITCHELL PUCKERMAN 

She did, in fact, bring her drumsticks. And while she was doing consistent drumrolls once Audrey got drunk enough to try her hand at acrobats, she figured out a few new fun beats to try out at her set later on. Once she finally got drunk, she let really lose, and ended up going home with another resident. In the process, she ended up losing her pants.

Once intoxicated, she got into an epic staredown extravaganza with her resident arch nemesis, Quinn Fabray. The staredown progressed into a full blown argument, provoked only by Mitch giving Quinn a dirty look. With Mitch’s liquid courage and Quinn being an angry drunk, it was certainly a sight to see.

ELIZA ROSE 

It was twerk city when it came to Eliza’s activity at the mixer. She, of course, pre-gamed before getting there and managed to sneak a few mini liquor bottles into the mixer via her bra. She wasn’t completely drunk, but was tipsy enough to flirt with anyone she came across. Except for Tyler. Anytime he so dared to look in Marley’s general direction he got a nasty look in response.

She was happy to spend her night with her sister who seemed to stick to her side, the two happy to quietly judge and make fun of people who were doing anything stupid. Well, it was mostly Eliza tipsily making fun of people to Marley and getting a giggle here and there from her sister. Ryder seemed to stay close by them as well and Eliza was happy to hang out with her two best friends.

MARLEY ROSE

Marley made an appearance, but decided against drinking anything other than water, which earned glares from Sue who assumed she was a lightweight (which isn’t entirely untrue). She spent time with the people who she does know, but didn’t really make any new friendships. Plus, it looked like most people weren’t there for that, anyway. One guy was there for the specific reason of hooking up with his neighbors, her roommate was drunk off her ass, and Marley felt out of place in her home.

She kept close to her sister’s side, Eliza whispering to her all the things that people were doing that made them ridiculous. She made her feel comfortable even though she was out of her element, and though she was tipsy, she was still there for Marley, which she appreciated so much.

SEBASTIAN SMYTHE 

Sebastian attended the event with the intent to find out if there is anyone worth banging in the building. Although Sebastian did find a few pretty faces, overall he was  disgusted by Sue’s attempt to host what must be a more depressing alcoholics anonymous meeting with stale pizza and dollar store juice. He wasn’t quite sure what the theme of the party was: Sue going to Hawaii? Sue having a baby? Sure having a baby in Hawaii? Sebastian really didn’t care. The only thing he knew was that he stayed away from the cheap refreshments.

Despite his terrible attitude, Sebastian did interact with some of his neighbours and even flirted with his ad agent, Hunter. Once he had made an appearance at the party for a while, he left to hook up with some guy from Grindr.

SILAS XAVIER

Silas opted out of drinking a whole lot, instead keeping himself mostly sober in case anyone needed help getting home. He danced, he sang a little bit, but all in all he didn’t do a whole lot at the actual mixer.

After the main festivities died down, Silas retreated back to his apartment to host a little tattoo party, giving people what they want for practice. One session in particular with the one and only Kurt Hummel ended up with Kurt getting Santana’s face and the term “no ragrets” on his body. Silas, while slightly intoxicated, complied with really, no ragrets.

[zmwisethepoet]

2020-Early 2021, or How I Learned to (Never) Stop Worrying and “Love” Global Anxiety

Published in Winter Edition of Harbinger Asylum

           “I don’t know where I’m going from here, but I promise it won’t be boring!” Before this commences any further, I would like to be selfish for a brief moment and set aside a few words for David Bowie. Earlier this month marked the fifth year of his absence from this planet, as well as what would have been his seventy-fourth birthday. We have lost many artists in many respected fields over the years, including Gil Scott-Heron, Leonard Cohen, Selena, Prince, Greg Lake, and countless others. David Bowie meant and still means a great deal to me as a creator, as well as a human being. The bounty of work and tremendous impact he left behind for his musical contemporaries and his descendants cannot be unmatched. Furthermore, and I hate to seem melodramatic, but if it was not for David Bowie’s words and aural pleasures, I would not be on Earth, existing in this physical life. Around the middle of my sophomore year of high school, I was ready to take my own life. By some stroke of luck, Bowie’s music was able to reach me at a time when friends and family could not. My inner voice heard the dulcet tones, became encircled by musical wonderment, and whispered to me, “You are not finished yet.” I owe him an infinite amount of gratitude for many silent gestures, including: introducing me to a number of gifted artists from around the globe, helping me to embrace the full power of diversity and eclectic nature within the arts, and breathe new life in me. This newfound breath of life added a dash of a unique sense of being, as well as a sense of self. David, wherever you are in the Cosmos, ‘thank you’ would be an understatement. As Scott Walker said to you on your fiftieth birthday, “I’ll have a drink to you…on the other side of midnight.”

           Until last Wednesday, a small boy isolated himself in a toy store the size of a mansion. He remained as cloistered as humanly possible. His mother insisted that they leave and that he could not have the toy he so desperately desired. His mother tried every tactic that her parental skills could manifest, but to no avail. It was useless. The boy simply refused to leave. This situation was the only analogy I could concoct to describe D****d T***p, the former President of the United States. So much is to be said about the ‘actions’ within his presidency, the lack of tact he blatantly showed, as well as the pomposity of his overall demeanor. My father gave the best description of T***p. He said, “He is a caricature of himself.” Even repeating that remark aloud brings me to tears induced by hysterical laughter. The truth is evident, as well as being stranger than fiction. It is worth noting that while I am unashamedly writing this way about the jive turkey that slightly over half of the country voted for, I am by no means glorifying the opposition, either. I daren’t bring up my explicit political views as an individual to the table, mainly because they are beyond jaded to begin with. While I have issues that I stand for and against, I see no reason for them to reach the public eye when the very country I reside in is more divided than united in more ways than one. I have not sided with either major party since I can remember, but I contribute as a citizen in any way possible. An individual votes with their heart, their mind, and their gut instinct. If and when we become more united, I may feel more inclined to discuss said views.

           Like numerous other political skeptics, I will be watching in the wings to see how this newfangled presidency unfolds. Whatever ensues, I am thankful that the T***p has officially left the building. After the insurrection, there was absolutely nothing that could salvage his title…not after every insignificant syllable that was uttered from his lips. I am almost envious of textbook writers and young schoolchildren in the sense that this particular chapter of American and world history will be taught in such a way that will never be forgotten. In addition to being an insult to the country, the name (and word) T***p will permanently instill terror into the hearts of many, as well as secretive and public elation for others. It was a horror comedy film with so many sequels that it became an internationally known franchise. I demand a refund for the loss of my brain cells. There is one beautifying factor of T***p’s brief tenure as president, one that I will miss for as long as I live: the bottomless pit of free entertainment, as well as the entertainment value that followed. From the endless piles of memes and song parodies to the talented people who can impersonate him and his arsenal of mannerisms, wit knows no end. Fun fact: T***p was the only president who blocked people on Twitter. I am quite jealous of the few people I know who have earned that badge of honor. Then again, Twitter bestowed an even bigger honor on the Chief Blocker himself. Oh, digital glory! May this new chapter unify us in boundless fits of laughter. I also feel the need to remind you that everything displayed is merely my opinion. My words are not gospel, despite the outrage nation we live in where the attitude of one too many individuals is, “Everyone is entitled to my opinion, and your belief system is lower than dust.”

           After viewing the inauguration and the host of multifaceted artists who received the genuine honor of performing before Joe Biden, Kamala Harris (First Woman and First POC Vice President…absolutely incredamazing), their diverse team, and the entire nation, one person’s distinctive performance stuck with me. It was not Jennifer Lopez. It was not Lady Gaga. It was none other than Amanda Gorman, the youngest National Youth Poet Laureate and the youngest poet to recite at an inauguration. I regret to say that prior to this reading, I have only heard her name being spoken during conversations about my literary contemporaries. After watching selected recitations and reading certain compositions, her piece ‘The Hill We Climb’ sent my cranium and third eye for a loop. Not only was her voice full of conviction and soul, but the words she expelled screamed truths we longed to hear. From moments of her history to the current state of affairs, ‘The Hill We Climb’ is the epitome and living embodiment of human sensibility, a wakeup call that not only belongs to this country, but the entire blue-green globe that we inhabit. We are but mere guests in this living, breathing sphere and it is our duty to preserve it beyond our abilities. After all, as the old adage goes, “The Earth does not belong to us. We belong to the Earth.” Amanda Gorman’s honor as an inaugural poet stems from a prestigious role that only a small handful of other have played. They are as follows: Robert Frost, Maya Angelou, Miller Williams, Elizabeth Alexander, and most recently, Richard Blanco. Besides the usual set of messages, musical performances, praise, and other inauguration rituals, the poem is said to exemplify who we are as a country and the actions we should be taking. It is a gentle, yet harsh reminder of the matters that are and the matters that will be. In this century, ‘The Hill We Climb’ is nothing short of needed, the jolt of electricity to shock us back to life after everything we have endured thus far. In addition to the multitude of medical staff members and frontline workers receiving the vaccines they so rightfully earned, Amanda Gorman is a hero in my book. How she recited her piece will forever be ingrained in my mind. May this excerpt from her poem affect you the same way, Dearest Readers.

“But, one thing is certain, if we merge mercy with might, and might with right, then love becomes our legacy and change our children’s birthright.”

January 21-23, 2021

[bloodstained-porcelain-doll]

Sugar and Spice, ch 3

Summary: Your second date with your Sugar Daddy, Richard Speight Jr, is at his place, for a barbecue, and you meet his friends. Word count: 2270 Warnings: Asshole!Rob Benedict, pre-smut, mini bit of angst

Part 1 Part 2

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Chapter 3: the barbecue 

“Come inside with me.” Your voice was low and soft. "Right now?" Rich asked. You looked at his hand on your thigh. Just the feel of it almost had you wetting your panties. He had such great hands. You nodded. "No, I can't," he said, and your heart dropped, "Oh. Okay." "I have to be up early tomorrow. But I was thinking... I want you to come to a barbecue with me. It's at my house, and uh..." He smiled. "Then I want you to stay," he finished. You smiled back and nodded.

"Sounds good. When is it?" "Next Saturday." "I'll be there." "Great. I'll transfer the money to your account tomorrow, that okay?" he asked and squeezed your thigh. You were so turned on that all you could do was nod. Richard chuckled and let go.

"I can't wait," he said, leaned in and kissed your cheek. "Me neither," you replied and left the car. You got back in your flat, hurried into the bathroom to remove your makeup, then rushed to your bed. While you still had the fresh memory of Richard's lips on your cheek and his warm hand on your thigh, you fucked yourself until you were moaning his name during your second orgasm, unknowing of the fact that he was doing the exact same thing but with your name. Then you fell straight asleep.

The following day, your landlord was actually impressed that you paid the rent, and you gave him fifty bucks to keep as his own, as a little apology. You spent the week spoiling yourself a little with the extra money you’d gotten; a fresh manicure and a professional facial. You also worked out a few times, something you hadn’t done in quite a while. You smiled to yourself in the shower after a workout. Having a sugar daddy seemed to be healthy for you. It had given you a whole new energy. Rich had called you a few days ago with details about the barbecue, and now you were getting ready, picking out an outfit.

You decided on a pair of short shorts and a tight black button down shirt, and a pair of kitten heels. You put your hair up in a voluminous ponytail, and put on your makeup. Your whole body was shaking with anticipation when you counted down the minutes until your bus would leave. 

When you found Rich’s house, you almost gasped. It was huge, and so pretty. You entered, and saw Rich already by the grill. You didn’t even look to see what people were there, you just walked right up to Rich.

“Hey,” you said cheerily and he turned around with a smile. “Hi sweetie!” You melted a little on the inside at the pet name, and he leaned to give you a kiss, on your lips for the first time. You were a little surprised, but kissed back happily. You could distinctly hear some people cheering and chuckling, so you pulled off and turned to see who. Briana Buckmaster, Kim Rhodes and Matt Cohen. Oh wow. Richard shook his head and put his arm around your waist. Briana, Kim and Matt came up to you and introduced themselves, and you pretended to just recognise them but not know them. Briana expressed happiness that Richard had finally found someone, Kim called you “fucking hot!” and Matt just grinned all the time.

“Why don’t you mingle around a little, meet the people, while I finish the steaks,” Richard said and rubbed your side softly. “Alright!” you replied and smiled at Briana who was still looking between you and Rich. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Jared and Jensen sitting by a table drinking beer, so you approached them with Briana who had apparently decided to follow you. 

“Hey look, it’s Sam and Dean,” you said with a smile. “Uh, yeah, hi. Jared and Jensen,” Jensen said with a slight frown. “You’re a fan of the show?” Jared asked. “I’ve watched it, and I like it. But I’m not a fan, per the typical definition. Anyways, hi Jared and Jensen, I’m Y/N.” “Yeah, Rich’s girlfriend, he told us you were coming! Just didn’t expect you to be into the show. The whole… dating fans thing, y’know,” Jared kept going, and you tilted your head a little. “Yeah no, we went over that on our first date.”

“Guys, be nice!” Briana said and put an arm around your shoulders. You smiled at her, already loving her. “Yeah, sorry Y/N,” Jared apologised. “But you understand, right?” “That dating a fan can be a shitstorm of crazy? Yes. Don’t worry,” you said and smiled at him. Both him and Jensen smiled at you now, and before you could say anything else, Briana dragged you away again. 

“You gotta meet Misha, you’ll love him, I promise!” she squealed and pulled you along to another table where Misha sat in a heated discussion with… uh… that guy… who plays Gadreel. “Mish! This is Y/N!” Briana exclaimed and Misha pulled out of the discussion immediately.

“Hey! You’re the young and hot thing!” he said with a grin. “Sure, per Rob’s description,” you answered and chuckled. “I’m Misha, but you probably know that since you watch Supernatural.” “Okay, one, yes I know a few names, but not everyone. And two, how much do y’all guys know about me?” 

Misha grinned again and… the Gadreel actor… extended his hand. “Hi, I’m Tahmoh,” he said. Oh, right! You said your name again and shook his hand. Ten minutes later, Briana had dragged you across the room and introduced you to everyone. Mark Pellegrino was the person who intimidated you the most. He was so… intense.

“Alright, food’s ready!” Richard shouted after a while, and you made your way back to him. “Hey sweetie. Met everyone now?” he asked. You nodded and smiled, leaning up to kiss him. He smiled into the kiss and you could feel it. The feeling you got inside was inexplicable. Warmth, sparks, butterflies, safety… everything. With the grill tools still in his hands, he pulled you closer and wrapped his arms around your waist, kissing you a little harder before letting go.

“Sorry ‘bout that. You have really kissable lips,” he said quietly and winked at you. “No need to apologise,” you replied with a cheeky grin. He grinned back and then everyone came to get food. 

A while later, you were all sitting around a big table, you next to Rich, and across from Misha, who was talking happily all the time. You finished your food after a while, and slipped your hand down under the table, letting it rest on Richard’s knee. A small smile grazed his features for a second. Then you made sure no one was watching, and slid your hand up higher… and higher… and a little higher, until you saw Rich clutch his fork tightly and bite his lip. You smiled, then kept your hand at his upper thigh, rubbing it softly while you continued your conversation with Misha. When you moved your hand some more, so you could feel the half boner he had, he grabbed your hand hard with his own and just held it still. He gave you a death stare, then let your hand go. You chuckled and resumed the position on his thigh.

“Hey! Sorry I’m late!” you heard Rob’s voice a while later, when everyone had already finished eating, and some people had left the table. “Robbie! C’mere,” Rich said and a lump formed in your throat. You always thought Rob was sweet, but he just gave you anxiety. You weren’t going to let it show, though. That wasn’t what Rich was paying for. Drama. He was paying for your company, and to show you off, you reminded yourself. 

Rob appeared on the chair behind you. “Hey guys. Rich, Y/N,” he said. “Sorry I’m late, band had to rehearse, you know.” “Yeah, yeah of course! I know. You texted me, remember?” Rich asked and they both laughed. Rob hunched over the chair, which he had put backwards so he could lounge with his arms over the backrest.

“How’s stuff, Y/N? Still no luck at the job front?” he asked and looked at you intently. “Um, no. I haven’t applied to that many new jobs since we last saw each other either. I’ve taken a week to relax.” “Yeah, yeah, I mean… not working can be stressful, right?” Rob inquired with a not-so-friendly smile. Wow, he’s really not hiding his contempt. “That’s not what I meant,” you said with a smile. “So what did you mean?” “Rob,” Rich interrupted. “Go get a beer.”

Rob made a face, but obeyed, and Richard called after him to fetch one for him as well. You smiled at Richard. “I’m sorry about that,” he said, and you shook your head. “It’s okay.” It’s not okay, I hate him, he’s giving me anxiety. “Alright sweetie, I gotta go take a leak,” he said and placed a kiss on your cheek before leaving. Rob arrived seconds later.

“Oh, Rich leave you?” he asked. “Bathroom break.” “Ah. Well you know what? That’s great. We can chat,” he said and sat down on Richard’s chair. You nodded and decided to just… listen to what he wanted. “So, listen… Rich is my best friend,” he said, and almost sounded threatening. “I know. You wrote a song him. He talks about you a lot,” you responded and furrowed your eyebrows. “Yeah, so I’m just looking out for him.” “That’s good. So am I.” “Are you? Cause to me it just looks like you’re freeloading.” “Excuse me?” “I wouldn’t be in a hurry to get a job if I was dating Rich either. But then… maybe dating Rich is your job.”

You scoffed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “He’s your sugar daddy.” “No, he’s my boyfriend.” “Alright, sure, whatever. You’re fucking him for money, but yeah… he’s your boyfriend. “You think I’m- you- I’m not!” you burst out, done playing nice now.

“What do you think you’re getting out of this? Are you, are you living out some little fangirl dream? Dating your idol?” “My idol is Ed Sheeran, but okay, if that’s what you think,” you snarked, raising your eyebrow and giving him your best bitch face. “This isn’t going to end well. This is not the type of relationship that Rich needs, okay? So just stop. Just stop,” he almost growled, then left.

You let out a sigh and ran your hands through your hair. What did he mean with ‘not the type of relationship Rich needs’? You made a mental note to ask Rich some other time. You carried on the evening chatting with the people who were actually nice to you. Mainly Briana, Kim and Misha.

Somewhere between 11 and 12, everyone had left, and you helped Richard clean up. He insisted you didn’t need to help, but you insisted on wanting to. “Alright sweetie, come on, let’s uh… go to bed,” he said a while later and put his hands on your waist. You nodded and leaned up to press a kiss on his lips. “Let me go freshen up and I’ll be right there,” you murmured. “Mm. Bedroom is a stair up, second door to the right,” he said and rubbed your back as you left for the bathroom. 

Ten minutes later you had touched up your hair, rinsed your mouth, and made yourself look a little better, so you went to the bedroom to find Rich there with two glasses of wine. He smiled and handed one to you when you entered.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said when you took a sip. You could feel yourself blushing and you smiled. “Thank you, handsome.”

 To your surprise, Rich looked taken aback. “What?” you asked. “You know you don’t have to compliment me, right?” “What if I want to?” “Well, I mean… I’m not the most good looking guy in the world,” he said and scratched his beard. “Well, you were the most good looking guy tonight at least.” “Sweetie, Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki were here.” “And yet I still only looked at you.” “I’m paying you.” “To be your company, not to look at you.”

He chuckled and drank some of his wine. “I really do think you’re attractive. How could anyone not? You’ve got eyes that any woman could lose herself in, I know I do. Your hair, your beard… fuck it’s sexy. Your body…” you said in pure admiration, but still he didn’t seem to believe you.

“Fine, maybe I believe you about the eyes. But the body? Come on.” “Yes, come on.” You took a step closer, put down your glass and ran your hands up his arms. “These… amazing. Your shoulders are muscular and broad… your belly is just enough to make you look like a real man. I like that better than Jared Padalecki abs, y’know. Your thighs are fucking enticing. I promise. My honest opinion. I’ll prove it to you if you let me.” 

Richard swallowed and looked at you with enlarged pupils. Then he nodded and put his glass down too. A second later his lips came crashing down on yours in a passionate kiss and he picked you up, turning you around and walking you to the bed where he put you down, climbing on top of you.

“So handsome…” you murmured as your hands explored his body. You were going to make it your mission to make him feel good about his looks, you promised yourself.

Tagging: @lucifer-in-leather @castielspahdehrah @pepperwoodatnight @becaamm @mariairwin666 @sama1314  @fuckyeahfeysand @wayward-mirage @daddyslittleraven

Sugar and Spice tags: @lucifersxvessel @with-eyes-turned-skywards @meganwinchester1999 @jannalionheart @kinkystevesgirl @magpiegirl80 @catlady25me @lamthetwickster @bellastellaluna @melodyhiddleston @izzyweisz @calicat79 @amyapathetic @volunteerfandomdepartment @crowley-you-sinnamon-roll @thechinad0ll @chloemac86 @i-voted-crowley @tas898 @laffytaffyhumor @please-stop-killing-dean @baritonechick

RSJ tags: @demise-laufeyson

[iwriteficsnottragediesladies]

Girl Can SING (Part 1)

Request: Can you please make one where the reader is newly friends with Brendon and she sings but she's shy and she doesn't want him to think that she's only friends w/ him cause he might get her places. And they sorta have crushes on each other (no hate to Sarah) and he finds out that she sings and he brings her on stage and she sings and they kiss and fluff? Can she sing Run To You by Ptx or Hallelujah? I covered both on my blog under the tag #juju sings if you wanna listen!

A/N Here ya go! Sarah doesn’t exist in this (sorry Sarah!). Hope it’s what you had in mind. I ended up splitting it into two parts, then adding more chapters by other users’ requests. Let me know if there’s anything you want changed up @jared-padaloveme

You had your overnight bag all packed up. You were so flattered that Brendon had asked you to come hang out with him and the guys. Having a “sleepover” was like a throwback to middle school slumber parties but hey, sleeping in the same house as Brendon Urie? You had zero complaints.

You ring the doorbell and are greeted by Brendon, and of course Penny and Bogart.

“Hey Y/n!” He gives you a big hug. “How are you?” He asks you mid squeeze. You pull away and he keeps his hands on your shoulders.

“Hey Brendon! I’m great, how are you doing?” You say, unable to contain your smile.

“Good, good,” He wraps an arm around your shoulder and starts to guide you down the hallway. “You can drop your stuff anywhere. Full disclosure, everything you own will probably be covered in dog hair by the time you leave.”

You giggle, putting your duffel bag down. As you enter the living room, Dallon, Ken and Dan all greet you in unison. “Y/n!” the chorus exclaims. Have you ever been in a room with so many attractive men? Gees. “Hey guys!” You give them a shy but enthusiastic wave as you plop down on the couch next to Dallon as Brendon joins you. It’s like a Y/n sandwich… A very hot Y/n sandwich. Ken reaches behind him to grab a beer from the cooler and it’s passed over to you. “Thank you,” you said melodically, twisting off the cap. Damn, you felt so cool.  

It’s not long before you’re all hanging out comfortably, chatting, the alcohol heating your throat. Penny cuddled in your lap.

“Wow, she really likes you!” Brendon remarks at one point. You are officially Penny-approved.

Hanging out with them is just so easy. Brendon is most definitely the life of the party, he has everyone dying laughing.

The boys pick up their instruments for a casual “jam session” as they like to put it. “Do you play anything, Y/n?” Brendon asks. Do you lie? Or do you tell him about how your life revolves around singing? God, you practically were born singing. It’s the only thing you can imagine yourself doing, and it’s the one thing you truly love to do.

“Not really,” You reply. It’s technically not a lie.

“Aw come on, weren’t you at least forced to play an instrument when you were little?” Brendon teases. Your eyes grow wide with embarrassment.

“Oh god,” you reminisce while rolling your eyes, “The flute.” You practically shudder.

“Was it that bad?” Dallon asked with a chuckle.

“Um YES,” you stated with sass, “It was I-passed-out-in-the-middle-of-band-class bad.” You had the boys’ full attention, so clearly you had to elaborate. “I couldn’t get that thing to make a sound, but I would try so hard. I used up all of my breath until I actually passed out in front of my entire class.”

You were laughing. The boys were laughing. You just admitted your great musical failure to some of the best musicians in the country. Your cheeks were rosy with a mix of embarrassment and joy. 

“It was the worst,” you concluded with a giggle.

Once everyone had gathered themselves together, they began to talk about what to play. They decided to start with some panic stuff. Victorious was up first. You mock-drummed on Penny, who seemed to enjoy the bizarre belly rub. You were mesmerized by Brendon. The sound of his voice, the shape of his lips, the way his hair would flip while he played... You try not to stare, but my god, what a beautiful human. When they finished, they looked up and gave each other proud smiles.

They played a couple more, including Miss Jackson, which was one of your favorites. Brendon had Dallon for back up, so he didn’t have to sing every part all at the same time like he usually did for acoustic performances. Brendon suddenly turned to you.

“How about a request, Y/n,” he says, “Not panic, something different.”

Your favorite song immediately pops into your head and just the thought of Brendon’s voice singing it made you melt. You pretend to think about it.

“Hm, well my favorite is Hallelujah, like, Leonard Cohen,” you clarify. Ken’s head popped up.

“Oh hey, isn’t that one of your favorites, Brendon?” He exclaimed. Brendon bites his lip, nodding, clearly a little embarrassed by Ken. You begin to think that maybe Brendon told the boys to play it cool around you.

“Yeah,” Brendon looks at you and then the ground with an adorable smirk, “It actually is.”

Your heart is beating faster.

“C?” Dallon confirms what key everyone wants, trying to put Brendon out of his misery. Brendon nods and begins.

The way the lyrics pour from his lips is pure poetry. Oh gees, you’re staring again. You admire how expertly his fingers move on the strings, arpeggiating the chords he plays so perfectly. He begins to sing the chorus and you don’t even realize you are singing the harmony quietly. You were so accustomed to singing it.

Brendon looks over at you and does a double take, still singing. He’s caught up in trying to confirm the sound was coming from you and his fingers stumble to the next chord. You silence yourself, suddenly embarrassed. Was he judging you? Oh god, why did you even open your mouth? He thinks you suck, you just know it.

You are silent for the remainder of the song, but Brendon keeps glancing over at you. You pretend to be lost in petting Penny, unwilling to make eye contact with him.

When they finish, they also seem kind of surprised at their success. It was so beautiful, even they were kind of impressed with how nice it was.

“Wow,” Dan said, “Haven’t played that in a while.”

“That was amazing,” you said, trying not to be too starry eyed as you looked at all of them, your gaze ending on Brendon. You swore you saw his cheeks pink up again as he looked at you.

“Alright, it’s past my bedtime,” Dallon joked nervously, as suddenly the boys felt like they were interrupting something.

Brendon nearly cleared his throat in the most cliche way. Everyone agreed and you all departed from the couch. You picked up your bag and Brendon went into host mode, guiding you to your rooms.

“Alright, so there’s shower stuff in both of your bathrooms,” he gestured to your room and the other room the Dallon, Ken and Dan would be sharing. “And there’s towels in this closet,” he pointed to a door a few steps down the hall. You felt kind of guilty that the boys had to pile into one room, just because you were a girl and it was kind of customary not to stick you with a bunch of men.

All of you were in and out of your rooms, retrieving towels and shouting across the hallway to each other, talking about random shit. You leave your door to your room ajar and enter your private bathroom, locking the door. Again, you feel kind of guilty, but secretly happy you don’t have to share.

You get undressed and try to turn on the shower. You end up spraying yourself with cold water. You suppress a squeal and giggle to yourself. Idiot. You figured out which dial controls the temperature, and after some trial and error, the water heated up. You gratefully step into the warm water. Jesus Christ, fancy showers are complicated.

You begin your shower routine and start singing mindlessly. It’s just what you do. I mean, who doesn’t sing in the shower? Hallelujah was obviously stuck in your head after such an incredible performance, so it’s flowing from you without a thought. You’re not belting it out or anything, but the acoustics in the tiled room were amazing.

Unbeknownst to you, Brendon comes to the door of your room, knocking lightly and since it was open, he cautiously pokes his head inside. “Hey, Y/n--” he wanted to make sure you had everything you needed, but he is met by the sound of your voice, echoing in the bathroom. He opens the door to your room fully, listening intently to your singing. He hears every note, spot on, and so beautiful.

Dallon is passing by and Brendon catches him by the shoulder, silently nodding his head in the direction of the bathroom. Dallon steps up next to him. Ken and Dan see them gathered in the doorway and join them curiously. Everything becomes clear to them as they listen. They find your voice to be casual and effortless, clearly performing for no one but yourself.

“Damn,” Ken murmurs quietly, very impressed.

“She ‘doesn’t play any instruments’ my ass,” Dan adds.

Meanwhile, you climb out of the shower and wrap yourself in a towel. Your clothes are in the duffel bag on your bed. You nearly forget to turn off the shower, using the correct dial purely by luck, and push the door open.

You look up and are shocked to see the boys in your doorway shuffling around, the epitome of “act natural” and failing. Your eyes grow wide and so do theirs. You hold your towel tighter around yourself.

“Um, can I help you?!” You exclaim with a chuckle. Shit, were they listening to you? Oh my god, your tone deaf, aren’t you? Your cheeks run a hot red, not just from the heat of the shower water. Everyone was too stunned to move.

“Uh, we, um,” Dallon was the first to speak up but trailed off, probably feeling the most awkward out of all of them, seeing as he had a wife and kids at home. Here he was watching a half naked woman in front of him. This is not what it looks like, Dallon thinks to himself.

“Well, we just couldn’t help but,” Brendon kind of winced nervously, rubbing the back of his neck, “But hear you singing, and...” He trailed off as well.

Oh my god, they were about to laugh at your singing. You could just tell. Oh dear god, you’re so embarrassed.

“GIRL CAN SING,” Ken finally exclaimed sincerely.

Wait, what?

“Oh gees guys, you don’t have to--” You start, but Brendon interrupts you.

“Y/n, your voice...” He says softly. It is at the moment you realize that Brendon is not wearing a shirt. He continues, “It’s amazing.”

The wonder in his eyes paired with the sweetest smile makes you realize... They mean it. These are not just obligatory compliments... They truly mean it. BRENDON means it. You might throw up. You might pass out. No, no, don’t pass out. You are naked and have four guys staring at you. Do NOT pass out right now.

Brendon must realize what’s happening because he nonchalantly makes his way over to you, but concern is evident in his eyes. You think he doesn’t want to embarrass you by making a big deal out of it in front of the guys, but he is worried. He sits you down on the bed.

The rest of the boys enter further into the room.

“What are we going to do with this one?” Brendon turns to them with a certain glint in his eyes, placing a hand on your shoulder.

“Jesus, take her on tour?!” Ken says enthusiastically.

Brendon looks back at you with a wide smile.

“Oh, guys, I barely even sing at open mic nights,” You chuckle nervously.

“We can start off slow, Y/n,” Brendon says, “Why don’t you come and play with us a bit, just here at home.”

You nod slowly.

“We can work on whatever you want,” he says soothingly, “Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

Well, I’m damn comfortable half naked with you touching me, you suddenly think to yourself. You push your dirty thoughts aside, concealing a smile.

“Are you sure?” You ask, needing to confirm that something so amazing could possibly be happening to you.

“Very,” Ken said confidently.

Was this real life? Would you wake up soon? Everyone just kind of paused, smiling. 

“Um,” you started, sorry to interrupt the moment, “Can I get dressed now?” you giggled.

“Oh, right, yeah sorry,” The boys were all remarking, remembering that you were still in a towel. They quickly made their way out of the room, Brendon the last to leave. He paused with his hand on the door. He looked at you with this kind of smirk. He knew that this was the start of something. Something amazing.

“Goodnight, Y/n,” He spoke quietly.

“Goodnight Bren,” You replied.

He shut the door, and you realized you had called him by a nickname. You hoped that was okay. You soon were smiling like an idiot, unable to shake this incredible feeling. You finished getting ready for bed and climbed under the covers, your smile never leaving your face. You didn’t know it, but Brendon laid awake, the same smile stuck on his lips.

This was the start of something amazing.

A/N: Like and reblog if you’re feelin’ it!

[believe-that-you-can-my-friend]

This is a tad long but music is the air I breathe so yeah I got excited and couldn’t contain myself haha! Also I hope you don’t mind that I combined these two asks, I thought it was interesting for them to feel neglected and threatened by Archie and Veronica at the same time!! Hope you both like it and thank you so so much for your amazing words and compliments!! It really means the world to me!! Enjoy!! <333

“You’ve seen Radiohead at Madison Square Garden?!” the raven haired boy’s eyes became perfect round balls of genuine admiration and his lips parted in a disbelieving gasp.

“Yep!” the brunette girl across him pointed the ‘p’ proudly, smiling fondly at the memory. “Listening to Creep in a sea full of people that was chanting along, with phone screens like twinkle lights swaying in the darkness above us is something that still gives me chills.” She admitted with a shine of excitement on her chocolate eyes.

“Man!” he huffed in defeat. “That band and in that iconic venue, I’m telling you Ronnie, I’m forever envious of you now.” He admitted with a shake of his head and a smirk, the girl smirking back.

“The next year I was going to see Depeche Mode there too but” her face formed an unladylike flinch “all those things went down with my dad and, well, the rest is history.” She shrugged and sighed, taking a rich sip of her chocolate milkshake.

With a dreamy expression, he dropped back on his seat. “I’m betting Sinner In Me would sound amazing live.” He nearly gasped.

She widened her eyes. “Right?! God, I love this song so much!” she groaned in delight.

“It’s one of my favorites too.” He agreed with a nod and drumming fingers, lightly imitating the tune.

And just like that, another day in the exclusive world of Jughead Jones and Veronica Lodge was slowly passing by. Betty Cooper, who was sitting next to the tall boy all this time, the Betty Cooper that chatted and babbled away for days when she was with friends, hadn’t even formed a single word since Veronica came to join the newly formed couple. No, scratch that. Betty hadn’t formed a word this whole week now, the week that the three of them seemed to be inseparable. She just seemed to just sit there and observe, like she was the third wheel to a closed group of longtime friends.

Don’t get her wrong; Betty wanted Jughead and Veronica to get along. Veronica was the female version of a best friend she never got to have and Jughead was the boy that made her heart race, like the most speedy rally car. It was only logical for the blonde girl to want her two most favorite people to get to know each other and start sharing common ground, if that was possible. Nothing had warned her for such type of bond though.

They agreed on everything; from food to drinks, literature, TV shows, music. Well, yes, Veronica was a lot more of a people’s person and chose other forms of entertainment than sit inside all day and write or brood or both, but still it seemed that when it came to cultural interests those two were made for each other. Their previous barely there communication that consisted of subtle greetings and the awkward here and there teasing of him from Veronica was now replaced by animated conversations with themes foreign to Betty’s ears, making the girl feel like she was invisible next to Veronica’s obvious multicultural background.

Today’s topic was music and Betty couldn’t be more bored or fuming. She was just sitting there crossing and uncrossing her legs, strawberry milkshake untouched apart from the random swipes of her index finger over the whipped- cream, while hearing them chat in excitement about genres and artists that she was clueless about. Sure, Betty had heard of The Doors, Nirvana, The Smiths, or even Sex Pistols but her knowledge over their style or type of songs was zero to none, the girl that had been raised with the sounds of classical music, with the exception of Leonard Cohen or Frank Sinatra at certain situations, finding herself at a loss of words regarding the music preferences of the other two people on the table.

“You like Nick Cave too? So cool!” Veronica exclaimed and brought Betty out of her thoughts, the blonde girl rolling her doe eyes at that, while sucking some whipped cream off her index finger with a sigh. “My mom knows one of the social assistants of his team; she can hook us up with some tickets for sure, if he comes for a concert at a town somewhere near us.” The girl shared with excitement evident in her voice, Jughead’s whole face lightening up at the offer. “Or even New York, if you’re up for a road trip, pal!” she went to offer with a huge smile and Betty’s eyes rose at that, feeling that maybe now it was time for some line to be drawn.

She turned to look at Jughead and she caught him giving Veronica a glance under his eyelashes along with a curt nod and a charming smirk. “Oh, definitely count me in on that.” He agreed in delight and let a deep chuckle, Veronica giggling along with him.

Betty dragged her eyes from him to her and vice versa, narrowing them gradually at the process. Her intention was for them to be a little more civilized and friendlier with each other, not to exclude her from their lives like that. Not to even mention that this whole smirks and smiles and giggles thing really set her mind to dark places and left her there not knowing what to think about it.

“Well, are you two in trip-planning base now?” Betty let a hesitant chuckle, trying to appear cool and easy-going, as always.

“You got yourself a handsome boy with some serious taste in music, Betty girl.” Veronica mused, sending another smile to Jughead, who looked shyly at the small space between him and Betty and smiled too. “All the males in East Village talked too much, did too little and blasted horrendous dubstep through speedy cars that compensated for their lack of brain or size.” The brunette stated boldly with the confidence that was always radiating from her, making Betty feel a tad more jealous at that moment because of her own lack of such attitude and because of her words. Yes, she knew Jughead was one of a kind and she appreciated the fact that her best friend believed so too but something in her tone made Betty turn defensive.

“You know, I’m starting to feel a rather bad headache coming.” She announced after licking her lips to wash away the disappointment and bitterness in her voice. “Walk me home?” she turned to her boy and gave him one of the smiles he loved, feeling her heart flutter once he curled his lips in her favorite boyish smile.

“Yeah, sure.” Jughead nodded and stood up, popping the strawberry of Betty’s half-finished milkshake in his mouth. “You coming, V?” he stopped waiting for the other girl and Betty frowned to the ground, fingers and nerves getting tangled in a knot of annoyance.

Thankfully, her friend had the sense to live the couple be. “No, go ahead. I’m in the mood of pestering Cheryl bombshell a little.” She gave them a foxy smirk and titled her head back, where the redhead was sitting with her besties.

Jughead shook his head in amusement. “Take it easy, will you?” he teased her and Betty wanted to smile but it came out more as a sad grimace, gradually feeling herself growing angry at him and his sudden infatuation with Veronica Lodge. “See you tomorrow at school. I’ll bring you the mixtape I told you about.” He offered her a wink and a wave, Veronica saluting him in a funny manor, and the boy dropped an arm over Betty’s shoulders, the girl grimacing a smile again once he left a peck on her cheek. She didn’t know what was happening but she had a very bad feeling about it.

The next day was all chatting and bunter again for the two friends, Betty half-heartedly walking next to them to and from class, eyes focused on her books or her tan flats. Thank God that Jughead had the good sense to hold her hand and spare her a glance or a smile from time to time or Betty would be even more infuriated at him than she already was.

The breaking point came at lunch when the three of them along with Kevin and Archie sat down at their usual table, Jughead and Veronica sharing headphones and listening to the mixtape he had promised to bring over yesterday. Needless to say that Betty was borderline upset, poking her salad around and shooting daggers to the duo next to her, Kevin lightly knocking her knee under the table, silently asking to be filled in about the obvious drama. Betty just offered him an annoyed “laters” nod of her head.

“So Archie!” Betty exclaimed a tad louder than necessary, making the people around her jump, and she faked a smile at her boyfriend and so called brunette best friend. “How are things going with you?” she crossed her arms over her chest and rested her elbows on the table, leaning closer to the redhead across her.

Archie raised an eyebrow, eyes seeking assistant from the teens around him. “Good.” He hesitated, Betty’s behavior seeming a little peculiar. “Rehearsals with Val, football practice, you know the usual.” He said somehow unsure because Betty already knew what was going on with his life.

She hummed with a cheerful nod, munching on some lettuce. “Any big plans for tonight?”  She asked, this time drawing Jughead’s attention, who stopped mid-chewing and raised a brow.

The redhead went back to his grilled cheese sandwich. “Nothing really. There’s this movie that I wanted to see but nobody feels like joining me so I guess I’ll stay in.” the boy shrugged.

“We should go together.” Betty offered cheerfully, bouncy ponytail and all, and Jughead’s eyes got panicky at that, going between her and his best friend, sizing the situation.

“It’s an action movie…” Archie said hesitantly, frowning a little at her overly excited behavior.

“Oh, it’s fine!” she waved a hand to brush it off, Jughead chewing some chips with venom now because, seriously, Betty hated action movies and movie nights were always their thing. Archie had the first place in Betty’s entire childhood; Jughead wouldn’t let him take his only childhood routine with her too. “Plus, it’s been ages since the two of us hang out together.” The blonde girl went on, with a genuine smile this time, before she turned to her boyfriend and added. “Like before.”

Kevin shot a sly little glance at the raven haired boy next to him, noticing the low blow Betty attempted. Jughead gulped, a mix of emotions erupting inside his chest; confusion, hurt, fear, but mostly anger, fuming anger.

“Uh, Betty, I thought Friday nights were our thing.” He spoke in apathy but he had turned defensive and cold, his girlfriend knowing him by now and knowing very well what he was doing; he was trying not to lose it in front of everyone, fidgeting with the plastic bag of his chips. Betty knew he was turning more irritated by the second and she was pleased.

“Oh, is it Friday today? I totally spaced out.” She pouted, pretending obliviousness and fooling no one but Archie. “Well, I just made plans with Archie now. Next Friday, Juggie.” She shrugged matter-of-factly, her use of his nickname not holding the sweetness it always did but colored with sarcasm and irritation, the two of them quarrelling, but doing it subtly and without making a scene.

“Betty, are you serious now?”

“It’s cool if you guys have plans…”

Jughead and Archie said in unison, both guys turning to look at each other, the first frowning in annoyance and the latter sporting an uneasy expression, not wanting to be in the middle of the couple.

“Oh don’t be silly; Jughead and I see each other every day!” Betty scoffed, gathering her stuff because, if she stayed, she knew Jughead would want confrontation and a public one wasn’t really her style. “I’ll see you tonight. It’s a date.” She threw the words and turned to leave, catching Jughead’s mouth parting in shock and the guy shot up from his seat to object but she had already her back at him, walking away with her stupid stubbornness and a heavy heart.

She was applying her beloved red lipstick when Jughead strolled into her room later than evening. He was confused to no extend and still a tad worked up from their previous word battle at lunch break but he had commanded himself to stay calm because he didn’t wanna fight with her; he just wanted to know what the hell had gotten into her. However, all his calmness was thrown out the window upon seeing his favorite shade of red being applied on her lips for a night out with Archie Andrews.

“You’re seriously going? And with that lipstick?” he accused her like she had done a crime, long forgotten any greeting or peck.

“Yes, I am.” Betty smacked her lips once, examining the result on her vanity mirror. “And it’s just some lipstick, whatever.” she went on to add some volume on her ponytail. She wasn’t going to spare him a glance; she was angry and incredibly stubborn.

Jughead sighed, rubbing a palm down his face to collect himself. “Betty, seriously now, what’s going on?”

“The fact that you ask me really confirms my feeling that you don’t pay any attention to me all week now.” She replied curtly, fixing the white lacey collar of her short-sleeved, royal blue sweater.

“What?” he frowned. “Why do you even think that?” he was lost; they were together every day and, as far as he was concerned, his behavior towards her hadn’t changed, unlike hers.

“Maybe, I don’t know, because you’re way too preoccupied having conversations with other people rather than with me?” Betty shrugged, annoyed, her perfect ponytail bouncing with every furious shake of her head. She stood up to throw her phone and some money inside a small, brown cross-body bag that laid on her bed along with her denim jacket, again avoiding any and all eye contact with the boy that stood across her, drowned in confusion, and strongly disapproving of the dark blue, white stripped mini skirt she had on but not for him.

The wheels in his clever mind turned quickly. “Please, don’t tell me this is about Veronica.”

Betty scoffed a humorless laugh. “Why shouldn’t it be about Veronica? I mean you two are practically best bubbies by now!” she raised her arms in exasperation. “You don’t need me around; you’re perfectly fine on your own!”

“You were the one that wanted us to interact more! So we did, and we found that we have some things in common. What’s the big deal?” Jughead’s voice went an octave higher, eyes blinking rapidly in confusion and arms opening to his sides with the same amount of exasperation she was sporting.

“Some things?” the blonde narrowed her eyes, first time coming face to face with him. “You’re practically finding new common material every five seconds!” Jughead flinched and mouthed a ridiculous ‘what’ at that. “And yesterday at Pop’s, you didn’t even think to include me in your on and on chit-chat!”

“Yes because we share the same taste in music and you’re not into that stuff, Betty!” he pointed the obvious because he knew his girl wasn’t into his type of music and the ear-bleeding volume he preferred. He was absolutely cool with that though and he hadn’t mention it to hurt her, he didn’t even think that she would take it that way, until she saw her nodding vigorously to the ground, chin wobbly and bottom lip caught between her teeth. “Bets, baby…” he took a step to correct his statement and explain himself, his arms opening immediately to hug her, but she took a step back, shaking her head and raising her chin high.

“You know what? It’s fine!” Betty sniffed, holding back her angry tears. “You go spend time with Veronica and I will spend time with Archie. Simple as that.” she spat with a bitter tone of voice.

Jughead’s face fell, along with his arms defeated to his sides. “Are you really going out with him?” he gasped in disbelief and anger.

“Of course I will.” She scoffed, hanging her bag on her shoulder and grabbing her jacket. “He’s the friend” she out air-quotes at the word “who shares the same interests as me. What’s wrong with that?” she shoot him a cold, challenging glare and flew passed him and out the door, having the pleasure of seeing him bawling his hands in fists angrily with the corner of her watery eyes.

The night had spread its veil over Riverdale for good when Betty was walking back home, dragging her white sneakers with heavy steps and a heavy heart. Archie was hanging out with Valerie and some other jocks downtown and he had asked for her to join them but the blonde girl wasn’t in the mood. After spending two hours of her life watching two overly buffed guys chasing each other in speedy cars, amongst loud gunshots and hissing sounds of tires against asphalt, Betty really had enough for the evening. Archie had a great time though and she got to have a bucket of popcorn all to herself, the only highlights of their movie, exclusively friendly, date.

Truth be told, she didn’t share that many interests with Archie as well. Yes, they were more compatible character wise but that didn’t mean that they were the perfect match, as she thought they would be in the past. If anything that was the first thing that made her understand that Archie wasn’t the guy for her. So, by now, she knew that her whole lashing up at her boyfriend was irrational, just an outburst of insecurities which were so Betty Cooper and she could never be able to erase them from her character.

Finally reaching the block with the Andrews’ and Coopers’ residences, Betty hesitated between the two houses for a moment. Honestly, she was so tired of her little shenanigans and wanted to be done with that ridiculous argument once and for all, hating that she and Jughead weren’t in speaking terms just because she was acting out of spite. Noticing the faint yellow light that illuminated from the small crack of the entrance of the Andrews’ garage, meaning that he was indeed there and hopefully wasn’t asleep, she took a deep breath and, mentally preparing her much needed apology, made her way to the door with steady, determined steps. A small push was all it took for her to walk into his now tiny residence and she saw him stiffening his posture in a defensive manner upon sensing her arrival, sending her a side look without stopping his task of rearranging some books over his desk slash table slash nightstand.  

“I’m back.” Betty began with a small voice, after some minutes of awkward silence with her standing there fidgeting with the buttons of her denim jacket and him continuing with tidying or whatever.

“Great.” Jughead replied nonchalantly, a hint of a groan in his voice. “How was your night out?” he asked with bitterness and mean sarcasm, Betty knowing that he was still angry with her and that he had every right to be. The blonde’s eyes darted around, searching the words, stopping once they noticed his laptop being abandoned on the small black couch, the cursor blinking on an empty white page. She instantly felt even worse for fighting with him.

“It was ok. The movie was not my cup of tea though.” She let him now briefly.

“Too bad.” He wasn’t backing out with the sarcasm. “In case you’re wondering, no, I wasn’t with Veronica, as you seem to expect, I was here worrying sick out of my mind and fuming with anger because my girlfriend chose my best friend over me in our date night!” his voice was getting more frustrated as he spoke and he let a loud huff at the end, closing his eyes and trying to calm down. He wasn’t really angry at her; well, yes, he was but he was more insecure that what happened tonight was gonna be the norm from now on, that Betty was going to take Archie’s side once again.

Betty nodded to the ground; okay, she deserved that. Without wasting any more time, she sighed and searched for something inside her bag, hoping her apology was enough to mend things between them. Taking hold of the plastic item, she walked to him, leaving it on the wooden surface of his desk. Jughead just knitted his eyebrows, catching a glimpse of the item with the corner of his eyes.

“That’s the only thing that I have rescued from Polly’s stuff before my mom hid them away or, in the case she suspected it was Jason’s gifts, destroyed them. I want you to have it.” Betty spoke softly, sliding the said item over to him and he turned fully around at the declaration, taking it in his hands. It was an old CD, Jughead recognizing immediately the black and white cover of The Killers’ Sam’s Town album. He used to have a copy of that too but he had sold it ages ago to the record store along with many others when he had started living alone and a job was not in the picture. If he was in a better mood, he’d smile; The Killers always held a special place in his heart.

“Betty, if we’re going down that road again…” Jughead sighed in a tiring matter. He didn’t want to fight with her anymore and especially because of something that pointless. She didn’t need to prove anything to him regarding music or really anything else. He liked his stuff; she liked hers, end of story. He was in love with Betty Cooper because of everything she was and he didn’t want to change her in any way.

Betty shook her head and went on to explain. “Polly loved that band. I, on the other hand, loathed it with everything in me.” She groaned a laugh before she became serious again. “Thinking back at it now, it wasn’t the electric guitar filled sound that disturbed me so much; it was just the fights that followed every time their songs were echoing from her room, my mom never approving of anything close to rock music, or the faint bass that lingered at nights when Polly secretly was listening to them, letting me get no sleep.” Betty smiled at the memory, Jughead having his solemn attention to her, intrigued as to why she was giving him something she seemed to hate.

“There’s this song though that always got stuck in my head, that stroke a cord in me for some reason that I didn’t understand up until recently.” She turned the disk inside his hands, pointing at number three that held the title When You Were Young. Jughead knew the song, it was probably one of the band’s most popular ones, but his eyebrows where knitted in confusion, not really knowing where she was going with it.

“It talks about this girl that is filled with heartbreak and waits for some perfect guy to come and drag her out of her misery.” Betty sighed, fingers dancing lightly over his, faces inches apart as he watched her. “And then in the chorus this guy does come but the song says, ‘he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus but he talks like a gentleman, like you imagined when you were young” she quoted the lyrics and her eyes finally looked up to connect with his soft ones, both of them getting a little lost in each other “meaning that he might not be the perfect knight in shiny armor or the most conventional guy in people’s eyes but he is brilliant in her own eyes and perfect for her, with the honorable character qualities she always dreamed about, a true gentleman to swipe her off her feet.” Betty concluded and her lips trembled with a sigh under the tender and head over hills look of his blue eyes, Jughead getting the connection and feeling his chest heaving from how crazy he was for this girl and the way he was making him feel. He might not have been someone most girls would choose over a jock or a popular rich guy, but she had chosen him and that’s all that mattered.

Jughead couldn’t do anything else but lean down and kiss her, fiercely and with a desperation that took her breath away, Betty clinging to his neck for dear life and him closing a strong arm around her waist, desiring no space between them. Their heads titled to different sides and she whined into the kiss, having missed him terribly and cursing herself for doubting him even for a second, letting a hand caress up his neck and his raven waves, tugging them lightly when his tongue came to battle with hers sensually.

“Thank you for this but, really, I can’t keep it.” Jughead whispered breathlessly once they hesitantly pulled back for much needed oxygen. As much as he loved that CD and the reason she was giving it to him, it was the last thing reminding her of her sister; he couldn’t deprive her of that.

Betty shushed him, her full pink lips finding his in a loving peck. “I would have given it to you anyway.” The girl had stumbled upon it a couple of weeks ago and got hit with realization, planning to share all this with him way before their fight. Now, it was just a perfect moment. “It means something to me and who’s better at keeping it than someone who I know appreciates it more than I do?” she smiled sweetly at him, knowing that he liked the band too, the boy giving her a big, heartwarming smile back.

“Am I really that good of a guy for you?” he asked in an expectant whisper.

“You are much more perfect than that.” She assured him back in a whisper too, joining their foreheads affectionately. Betty was so crazy for that guy in front of her, sometimes she thought her heart would burst out of her chest. “I’m sorry that I was so unfair to you.” She apologized for doubting him and Veronica.

Jughead shook her head, forehead still rubbing against forehead. “It’s fine. I got the feeling when I was sitting here alone thinking of you spending time with Archie.” He sighed, subconsciously tightening his hold on her waist.

“You and I are perfect for each other. End of story, end of this ridiculous discussion.” Betty announced with a firm nod, hands cupping his cheeks. He just smiled big and kissed her, relishing in the feeling of her soft lips on his, a feeling he got to miss terribly this whole day they were fighting.

Betty placed a palm on his chest, pulling back a tad with now swollen lips decorated with a foxy smile. “If we are going to make out, should we do it somewhere comfier and with maybe, I don’t know, some Killers on?” she wiggled her eyebrows in a funny manor and bit her lip, Jughead shaking his head with a chuckle, totally in love with this girl.

“Get your cute self on the couch, you dork.” He commanded her with his usual teasing voice and that sideways smile, Betty squealing in delight and jumping on the small piece of furniture, kicking off her sneakers. The first notes of When We Were Young started playing from an old cd-player and Jughead came to join her with an intense look and a charming smile, Betty melting under his gaze and bringing him close by fisting the material of his sweater, their smiley lips joining in a heated dance over the music that lasted until the CD stopped turning and the only sound remaining was their heavy sighs of love against each other’s lips.

[sometimesalwaysmusic]

JAD. Jad Hammoud (JH) is an Ottawa singer-songwriter who has gained experience playing many stages in Ottawa and surrounding regions, both solo and as the frontman of the defunct band, Tall Trees. We chatted about the importance of honesty in song-writing, his many influences, and his love for other local artists. Read on, and then check him out at an upcoming April gig opening up for John Wozniak (of Marcy Playground) at Pressed! 

VITALS

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jadhammoudmusic

Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/jadhammoud 

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Jad_Hammoud

Latest release: Monster (Single, January 2017)

Upcoming shows: April 22, 2017 - John Wozniak, Jad. 7:30PM. $20/$25 doors. Pressed Cafe, Ottawa ON.

SA: How did you get your start in music? JH: In a van in 1999.  I was either three of four, and The Backstreet Boys had just released "I Want it That Way". My mother was driving around the city with my twin sister and I in the back seat and the song came on the radio, so I started singing along. Apparently, as far as children go, I was fairly decent. Just to make sure she wasn't giving me too much credit, being my mom and all, she phoned a friend of hers to listen in and give his opinion (it wasn't illegal to use the phone while driving yet). He agreed with her, and it just went from there. It was unusual for me to not sing. I was always practicing, in a sense, and everyone in my life had come to know me as a singer or musician. I've always known that music is what I wanted to pursue, so when the time came, I ended up in the music program at Canterbury High School, where I specialized in vocal performance. University's been somewhat convoluted, but basically I've continued studying music there. Music has always been a significant and essential part of my identity. So I guess I owe it all to the Backstreet Boys?

SA: What bands would you cite as biggest influences on your sound? JH: The Backstreet Boys. 

No no, I jest. I like to listen to a lot of diverse music, so I'm usually very influenced by whatever I'm listening to at the time. 

One of my favourite artists of all time is Elliott Smith. I could honestly do an entire interview on why his music means so much to me and why I see him as one of the best songwriters of our time. Musically and lyrically he is so sophisticated but also knows how to maintain that sophistication in the simplest of songs. There is something about his music that transcends the surface of the human condition and undeniably evokes a very profound wave of emotions and in a way forces us to feel, process, and accept them. I will always be most connected to him and his music until the day I die.

Mother Mother has also always had a big influence on me, since I first heard "O My Heart" back in 2008. Ryan Guldemond is one of the most incredible songwriters of our time since Elliott Smith. Quote me on that. I guess you literally are. I've been lucky enough to meet the band several times over the years and I'm determined to open for them one day and get mentored by Ryan. It's going to happen. Another GREAT band is Vancouver's JPNSGRLS. I opened for them a couple of years ago, and have kept in touch with them. Their frontman, Charlie Kerr is an incredibly creative and clever lyricist, and he's been a sporadic mentor to me. He's releasing a solo album on April 21st under the moniker Matt and Sam's Brother (do yourself a favour and check him out).

I have to also mention Frank Ocean. He is a visionary. He is another true artist. Channel Orange and Blond(e) are masterpieces. Okay, before I get too invested, some other artists I adore (in no particular order) are Sufjan Stevens, St. Vincent (Annie Clark could curb stomp me and I'd be grateful), Grimes, Father John Misty, Leonard Cohen, Broken Bells, The Black Keys, Alex Turner, Wilco, Mac DeMarco, The Cure, David Bowie, The Strokes, Simon and Garfunkel, Arcade Fire, Anderson .Paak, The Smiths, Nirvana, Nick Drake, Bon Iver, Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, Gabriel Fauré and the list just goes on and on and on. I will undoubtedly have more come to mind within seconds of completing this.

Oh, and Freddie Mercury. That man was a gift to this world. Never forget. I just love music.

SA: Thus far in your career, what has been your biggest success? JH: I don't think you can ever prepare for the feeling that comes with seeing a crowd lined up down the street waiting to see you play. This was in the summer of 2013 when Tall Trees was still around and we hosted an album release. We had just graduated high school, and we rented out an entire hall in a church for the show. I remember designing and printing a small run of t-shirts and stickers, getting in touch with media and doing interviews, as well as renting light and sound equipment -- basically tons of effort went into organizing and preparing for it. I should give a special shout out to my friend Ben Compton -- he designed the poster for the show and the album artwork. He is an incredible, unique artist and I highly suggest you familiarize yourself with his work when you have the chance. Anyways, the turnout was overwhelming. I think something like 250 people came out and packed the room. I've never felt something that special. 

We played Folkfest (now known as City Folk) right after that, and tons of people came out to that as well. It was so beautiful.

As far as a solo act goes, it would probably be the time I played a bar in Kingston packed to the brim with students singing along to my songs. But honestly, things are just beginning and the best is yet to come.

SA: On the other hand, what is the biggest challenge you have faced, and how have you dealt with it? JH: By far, being alone. After Tall Trees had come to a discreet end, I felt lost for a long time. Coupled with being painfully unhappy in university, I became very depressed. I felt that I could no longer write. I stopped listening to music, I stopped playing music, I stopped going to shows, I just lost my entire sense of self. This lasted for about three and a half years, and even now I'm still getting back to being at 100% again. So I guess it's something I'm still dealing with, and to be honest will likely always be dealing with. I feel like artists are never satisfied with their work, because in the process of creating it, they improved. I'll always be working on myself, and I try to find solace in knowing that it's part of my personal and artistic growth.

SA: How do you approach the song-writing process? JH: I wish I knew the answer to this... I don't have songwriting figured out, so songs are sort of born via differing methods and out of a need to write . More often than not a song will come to me as one or several fragmented ideas that I will develop and eventually synthesize into some sort of finished thought. Sometimes the music comes first, and other times lyrics will come first. Occasionally, I'll be blessed by Apollo (haha) and everything will come to me all at once, resulting in a song that writes itself. In the case of the song I'm currently working on, I had the music more or less figured out and let it sit and occupy my mind for a couple of weeks, slowly adding ideas here and there. Only now, after some recent experiences have I managed to put words to it, and even then I'm not 100% satisfied with them, so I'll be editing and rewriting both the lyrics and the melody until it's something I'm happy with. 

Honestly, it never happens quite the same way each time... I'm very contemplative and introspective in a sense when it comes to writing. I like to search within and feel things out so that I'm not only effective in the communication of it all, but more importantly I'm affective, vulnerable, and honest. That's more important to me than anything. At the end of the day, it comes down to sitting down and just writing and working out your feelings. You can never get better at something you don't do.

SA: What are your thoughts on the Ottawa music scene? JH: Short answer: it's complicated. Slightly longer answer: it's really complicated. Long answer: This city has a lot of incredibly talented, skilled, and hard working artists. It lacks the means to nurture these artists and encourage their growth and development. At the same time, there are a lot of great resources for artists in the city, such as OMIC, Megaphono, City of Ottawa grants, OAC grants, and independent venues that support local music. The city is doing a lot and things are happening so Ottawa is well on its way. I have faith in that. I think the rest needs to happen on an individual level. Artists need to develop a genuine sense of community with each other. I'm only one opinion, and it depends on who you talk to/who you surround yourself with, but there is also an unspoken, overarching sense of competition, and it's kind of hostile. Hearing "I support you!" or "I want you to succeed." seems to come with a small asterisk attached to it that says "...as long as you're not more successful than I am". I think that for the community to truly thrive, artists need to genuinely support each other and work together to build something that everyone benefits from. Again, it depends on who you talk to. Don't get me wrong, I love this city and there are people who will absolutely disagree with me, but this is just my opinion based on my experiences and I feel I have to be honest about that. Nowhere is perfect, but Ottawa is working on itself to get better, and things can only go up from here. 

SA: In your opinion: What is the best song you have written? JH:  Oh god...I pretty much hate every song I've written. Not really, but I sort of go through this cycle where I'll write a song, think it's good, then feel it's pretty mediocre until enough time has passed and I come to realize it's actually good. There are a few songs that are very close to my heart...from the Tall Trees days, I'll always have a soft spot for "Girl On My Mind", "Cheers to You, My Stone Cold Queen", and "Marionette". As for the newer solo stuff, I'm really fond of "Knuckle Sandwich". It's a little dark but I think it's one of the most honest songs I've written in a long time. It came to me all at once and I wrote the entire thing in an hour or two.

SA: How has your song-writing changed, or evolved, between your experience in past projects, such as Tall Trees, and your solo work? JH: I was around 16 or 17 when I started Tall Trees, so I think that while I felt mature in my writing, I was still approaching things from a somewhat naive place. I've always been a very emotional, sometimes verklempt person, and so if anything my connection to that contributed a sense of maturity to those songs. Since Tall Trees, I feel I've undergone a lot of personal and artistic growth, especially after having been unable to write for the past several years. I am very aware that I am still metamorphosing today and I've come to embrace that, and in fact it excites me. 

I would say that the biggest difference in the way I approach writing now would have to be in the way I view songs and the process. When I was younger, I always wanted to be cool, and I wanted my songs to be cool. I approached them honestly, but I was also preoccupied with wanting them to be cool and the verse-chorus structure was almost too present. I thought that songs had to be that way. Now, I think of songs as thoughts that we need to communicate, or things we need to disclose out of a profound visceral need. They are the things we have to say because withholding them would be too stressful on the soul. Some are observational, others emotional, some just to make a point. Following a strict structural guideline is not nearly as important to me as it used to be. I let the songs come and be what they will be, rather than trying to make them fit some preconceived notion of what constitutes a "good song". Art is art -- it is fluid, subjective, and will be what it will be. Good art is art that's made honestly and from the heart.

The last thing I'll say is that I'm no longer afraid to be completely honest in my writing. I used to hold back a bit because I thought people may find certain notions off-putting, but now all I want to do is be completely open and use that to connect with people in a way that transcends the surface. Growing up, I was always told I was too sensitive for a guy (social constructs are the worst) and I always wore my heart on my sleeve. I have felt unwanted, unlovable, and so very small. I have a lot of feelings, and an incredible amount of love for people -- I want them to feel loved. I want to do away with the notion that having feelings and being honest about them is a bad thing. 

I just want to connect with people, and hopefully affect them in a way that they'll hold on to until the end of their days.

SA: A question for fun: If you had to pick your favourite local band in Ottawa, who would you choose and why?  JH: So far, my answers have been long-winded, so I'll keep this one short and sweet. I like a lot of local bands, but recently I've been really into this local artist Trails. She's very young, but her music is so mature, honest, and unapologetic. I wish that I had been able to write that way when I was 17. A lot of love and respect for her.

SA: What do you have in store in 2017? Best wishes for your continued successes, Jad! KM: I've been in the studio working on an EP, so I'm really committed to that right now and planning the release. There'll be a small tour, maybe some merch, and I may or may not be playing some festivals soon (I'm still waiting to hear back). I graduate from university in April, at which point I'll be able to fully dedicate myself to music. Things are just beginning for me, and big things are coming, so (shameless plug) keep up with me and everything I'm doing. The best way to do that is on Facebook. Thanks for everything, Pierce. It means a great deal to me to be able to finally discuss the things I've been thinking about for so long.