#back to problematic shit i once got in like a very public argument with a trump supporter on here and i kept responding with cow facts

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

When I first started this blog my worst nightmare scenario was getting callout posts made about me and everyone hating me but like it's been years and I haven't seen shit!!! And I know I've said some dumbass shit on here

[lorenfangor]

I heard that #40 was super homophobic :/ so I skipped it. But now your fic is making me want to give it a try. How problematic is it? Are the characters worth it?

Okay.

Okay.

Let’s talk about #40.

The plot of The Other (a Marco POV) is that Marco sees an Andalite on a video tape sent in to some Unsolved Mysteries-esque TV show, and he assumes it’s Ax and hauls ass to save him from being captured. Ax, being Ax, has videotaped the show, and they pull it up and Tobias uses his hawk eyes to figure out that it’s not Ax, it’s another Andalite - one without a tailblade. Ax is appalled at the presence of this vecol (an Andalite word for a disabled person) and we find out that he and others of his species have deep ingrained prejudices against at least some kinds of disabled people.

Despite this, Marco and Ax go looking for the Andalite in question because he’s been spotted by national TV, and they meet a second one, named Gafinilan-Estrif-Valad. The vecol is Mertil-Iscar-Elmand, a former fighter pilot with a reputation and Gafinilan’s coded-gay life partner. The two of them have been on Earth since book 1; they crashed their fighters on the planet and have been trapped there thanks to the GalaxyTree going down. Gafinilan has adopted a human cover, a physics professor, and they’ve been living in secret ever since.

Thanks to that tape, Mertil has been captured by Visser Three, and he’s not morph-capable so he can’t escape. Gafinilan wants to trade the leader of the “Andalite Bandits” to the Yeerks to get his boyfriend back; he can’t fight to free Mertil because he’s terminally ill with a genetic disorder that will eventually kill him, and (it’s implied that) the Yeerks aren’t interested in disabled hosts, even disabled Andalite ones. Despite Ax’s ableism, the Animorphs agree to work with Gafinilan and free Mertil, and they’re successful. Marco ends the book talking about how there are all kinds of prejudices you’ll have to face and boxes that people will put you in, and you can’t necessarily escape them even if they’re reductive and inaccurate, but you can still live your life with pride.

So now that I’ve explained the plot, I’m gonna come out the gate saying that I love this book. I love it wholeheartedly, I love Marco’s narration, I love Ax having to deal with Andalite society’s ableism, I love these characters, and as a disabled lesbian I don’t find these disabled gays to be inherently Bad Rep.

that’s of course just my opinion and it doesn’t overshadow other issues that people might have? but at the same time, I don’t like the seemingly-common narrative that this book is all bad all the time, and I want to offer up a different read.To that end, I’m going to go point by point through some of the criticisms and common complaints that I’ve seen across the fandom over the years.

“Mertil and Gafinilan were put on a bus after one appearance because they were gay!”

this is one I’m going to have to disagree with hardcore. I talked about this yesterday, but in Animorphs there are a lot of characters or ideas that only get introduced once or twice and then get written off or dropped - in order off the top of my head, #11 (the Amazon trip), #16 (Fenestre and his cannibalism), #17 (the oatmeal), #18 (the hint of Yeerks doing genetic experiments in the hospital basement), #24/#39/#42 (the Helmacrons’ ability to detect morphing tech), #25 (the Venber), #28 (experiments with limiting brain function through drugs), #34 (the Hork-Bajir homeworld being retaken, the Ixcila procedure), #36 (the Nartec), #41 (Jake’s Bad Future Dream), and #44 (the Aboriginal people Cassie meets in Australia) all feature things that either seem to exist just for the sake of having a particular trope explored Animorphs-style or to feature an idea for One Single Book.

This is a series that’s episodic and has a very limited overall story arc because of how children’s literature in the 90s was structured - these books are closer to The Saddle Club, Sweet Valley High, Animal Ark, or The Baby-Sitters’ Club than they are to Harry Potter or A Series of Unfortunate Events. Mertil and Gafinilan don’t get to be in more than one book because they’re not established in the main cast or the supporting cast, I don’t think that it’s solely got anything to do with their being gay.

“Gafinilan has AIDS, this is a book about AIDS, and that’s homophobic!”

Okay, this is… hard. First, yes, Gafinilan does have a terminal illness. Yes, Gafinilan is gay. No, Soola’s Disease is not AIDS.

I have two responses to this, and I’ll attack them in order of their occurrence in my thought. First, there’s coded AIDS diseases all over genre fiction, especially genre fiction from that era, because the AIDS epidemic made a massive impact on public life and fundamentally changed both how the public perceived illness and queerness and how queer people themselves experienced it. I was too young to live through it, but my dad’s college roommate was out, and my dad himself has a lot of friends who he just ceases to talk about if the conversation gets past 1986 or so - this was devastating and it got examined in art for more reasons than “gay people all have AIDS”, and I dislike the implication that the only reason it could ever appear was as a tired stereotype or a message that Being Queer Means Death. Gafinilan is kind, fond of flowers, and fond of children - he’s multifaceted, and he’s got a terminal illness. Those kinds of people really exist, and they aren’t Bad Rep.

Second off, Soola’s Disease? Really isn’t AIDS. It’s a congenital genetic illness that develops over time, cannot be transmitted, and does not carry a serious stigma the way AIDS did. Gafinilan also has access to a cure - he could become a nothlit and no longer be afflicted by it, even if it’s considered somewhat dishonorable to go nothlit to escape that way. That’s not AIDS, and in fact at no point in my read and rereads did I assume that his having a terminal illness was supposed to be a commentary on homosexuality until I found out that other people were assuming it.

“Mertil losing his tail means he’s lost his masculinity, and that’s bad because he’s gay! That’s homophobic!”

so this is another one I’ve gotta hardcore disagree with, because while Mertil is one of two Very Obviously Queer Characters, he’s not the only character who loses something fundamental about himself, or even loses access to sexual and/or romantic capability in ways he was familiar with.

Tobias and Arbron both get ripped out of their ordinary normal lives by going nothlit in bad situations, and while they both wind up finding fulfillment and freedom despite that, it’s still traumatic, even more for Arbron I’d say than for Tobias. And on a psychological level, none of the main cast is left unmarked or free of trauma or free of deep change thanks to the bad things that have happened to them - they’re no less fundamentally altered than Mertil, even if it’s mental rather than physical. And yes, tail loss is equated with castration or emasculation, but that doesn’t automatically mean Mertil suffering it is tied to his homosexuality and therefore the takeaway we’re intended to have is “Being gay is tragic and makes you less of a man”. This is a series where bad shit happens to everyone, and enduring losses that take away things central to one’s self-conception or identity or body is just part of the story.

Also, frankly? Plenty of IRL disabled people have to grapple with a loss of sexual function, and again, they’re not Bad Rep just because they’re messy.

“Andalite society is confusingly written in this book, and the disability aspects are clearly just a coverup for the gay stuff!”

Andalite society is canonically sexist, a bit exceptionalist and prejudiced in their own favor, and pretty contradictory and often challenged internally on its own norms. In essence, it’s a pretty ordinary society, and they’re really realistic as sci-fi races go. It makes sense from that perspective that Andalites would tolerate scarring or a lost stalk eye or a lost skull eye, but not tolerate serious injuries that significantly impact your perceived quality of life. Ableism is like that - it’s not one-size-fits-all. I look at Ax’s reactions and I see a lot of my own family and friends’ behaviors - this vibes with my understanding of prejudice, you know?

“Mertil and Gafinilan have a tragic ending, which means the story is saying that being gay dooms you to tragedy!”

Mertil and Gafinilan have the best possible ending that they could ask for? They are victims of the war, they are suffering because of the war, they get the same cocktail of trauma and damage that every other soldier gets. But unlike Jake and Tobias and Marco, unlike Elfangor, unlike Aximili? Their ending comes in peace, in their own home. Gafinilan isn’t dying alone, he’s got the love of his life with him. Mertil isn’t going to be as isolated anymore, he’s got Marco for a friend. Animorphs is a tragedy, it’s not a happy story, it’s not something that guarantees a beautiful sunshine-and-roses ending for everyone, and I love tragedy, and so I will fight for this story. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it deserved better. But it’s not less meaningful just because it’s sad. Nobody is entitled to anything in this book, and it’s just as true for these two as it is for anyone else.

“It’s not cool that the only canonically gay characters in this series don’t get to be happy and trauma-free and unblemished Good Rep!”

This is one I can kind of understand, and I’ll give some ground to it, because it is sucky. The only thing I’ll say is that I stand by my argument that nothing that happens to Mertil and Gafinilan is unusual compared to what happens to the rest of the cast, and that their ending is way happier than Rachel and Tobias’s, or Jake and Cassie’s. But it’s a legitimate point of frustration, and the one argument I’ll say I agree has validity.

(Though, I also want to point out that I think there are plenty of equally queercoded characters in the story who aren’t Mertil and Gafinilan - Tobias, Rachel, Cassie, and Marco all get at least one or two moments that signal to me that they’re potentially LGBT+, not to mention Mr. Tidwell and Illim in #29 and their long-term domestic partnership. There’s no reason to assume that the only queer people here are those two aliens when Marco’s descriptions of Jake exist.)

“Marco uses slurs and reduces Gafinilan’s whole identity to his illness!”

Technically, yes, this is true, except putting it that way strips the whole passage of its context. Marco is discussing the boxes society puts you into, the ones you don’t have a choice about facing or escaping. He’s talking about negative stereotypes and reductive generalizations, he’s referring to them as bad things that you get inflicted upon you by an outside world or by friends who don’t know the whole story or the real you. The slurs he uses are real slurs that get thrown at people still, and they’re not okay, and the point is that they’re not okay but assholes are going to call you by them anyway. He ends by saying “you just have to learn to live with it”, and since this is coming from a fifteen-year-old Latino kid who we know is picked on by bullies for all sorts of reasons and who faces racism and homophobia? He knows what he’s talking about. He’s bitter about what’s been said and done, he’s not stating it like it’s a good thing.

Yes, absolutely, this speech is a product of its time, but it’s a product of its time that speaks of defiance and says “We aren’t what we’re said to be,” and in the year this was published? That’s a good message.

tl;dr The Other is good, actually, and Mertil and Gafinilan are incredible characters who deserve all the love they could possibly get.

[tressasinterlude]

𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐓 #𝟑.𝟓: The Devolution of Nicki Minaj

𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗖𝗟𝗔𝗜𝗠𝗘𝗥: These rant blog posts are really just reflective of my thoughts at the time that I make them and are posted here because I need an outlet to release all of this shit I have going on my busy ass mind. That’s it and that’s all. Now let’s get into it..

Between Nicki being in the tabloids because of the lawsuit her & her husband, Kenneth Petty, are currently in against her husband’s r*pe victim, for going on a public tirade on Twitter about COVID vaccines, or because she’s playing Captain Save-A-Hoe for a mediocre black-fishing racist white woman, it seems like the 38-year-old rapper can’t seem to catch a break. Not gonna lie, this rant is one that is actually heartbreaking especially for the younger me who once loved Onika’s dirty socks and worshipped the ground the self-proclaimed rap queen walked on. However… she needs to be called out on her bullshit. Enough people kiss her silicone injected ass and enable her reprehensible behavior (for FREE at that.)

So let’s start with the most recent occurrence, shall we?

Mrs. Maraj-Petty decided to return from her short-lived musical hiatus on October 8th as a feature on Jesy Nelson’s debut single “Boyz” which was a sample of Diddy’s ‘Bad Boy for Life’. Diddy also made a guest appearance in the music video. Jesy received a great amount of vitriol because of the blatant cultural appropriation alongside fetishization of black men depicted throughout the music video. Maraj-Petty took it amongst herself to come to the former Little Mix’s group member’s defense and unprovokedly attack Jesy’s former bandmate, Leigh-Anne Pinnock and her husband. It’s quite ironic that Onika would want to mention husbands in general considering hers has a rap sheet dating back as far as when she was still in elementary but we’ll get to that in a second. Onika continues her shenanigans by pulling the typical weak straw man argument of “Well, what about [inserts any white/nb celeb that’s appropriated black culture] ?” Hm… Very interesting to say the least.

Pictured below: Jesy Nelson with a notably dark tan in comparison to her natural skin tone.

Now surely the Harajuku Barbie would not be excusing somebody that’s not black using black culture to benefit themselves especially when she berated a certain Grammy-Award winning femcee for frequently using the N-word and calling black women ‘roaches’. Oh no! Not on Beyoncé’s internet, she didn’t! But of course she did and you wanna know why? Because she doesn’t actually care. Her association with 6ix9ine was proof of this and as a matter of fact, she deflected from being held accountable for doing a song with him by bringing up Lady Gaga doing a song with R Kelly in 2013 and throwing shots at you know who…. for openly supporting Kodak Black (another s*xual abuser) on Twitter.

But y’know the right screenshot is photoshopped according to the Barbz so we gonna move right along…

Troubling times like this genuinely make me question why exactly was I ever a fan of hers in the first place. Was she always this problematic all along and my naiveté blinded me from seeing it or did she just become more & more insufferable the older she got? In hindsight, nothing she’s doing now is completely out of character for her. She’s not ‘going out sad’. She is sad and has been for a while now. The reason why she can kiki with the worst of abusive men is because she shares the same exact low vibrational energy and moral bankruptcy. Not to mention, she has the same internally misogynistic skewed views about other women which brings me to another major factor as to why her career has taken a freefall in the past 4 years.

Nicki does not like other women.

Yeah, I know. Hard pill to swallow, right? I’ll admit for the longest, I truly believed back when her & Lil’ Kim were feuding that Kim was the bitter old hag. I believed Remy was a jealous hater when she dropped Shether but then…… I had an epiphany. She’s done other songs with other women but did she do them just because she was a good sport or for her own ulterior motives? From the looks from it, she’s had a conflict with just about all of them subsequently after the collaboration. Shall we re-evaluate the Cardi B. feud and how Motorsport played a major key in it all? Or maybe we’d rather discuss how Onika has seemingly been having a one-sided conflict with Megan over WAP & her friendship with Cardi? Maybe not. That’d require me to pull out too many receipts and quite frankly, my attention span is too short for that. I say all of that to reiterate once again that I have not nor will I ever take away from Nicki’s accolades or talent.

Nicki is an iconic veteran who has revitalized the brand of the modern-day female rapper and has went on to have major success. She reigned supreme for a hot minute and was the it girl of the 2010s. You could not turn on the radio without hearing Nicki Minaj’s verse on somebody’s song. You could not turn on the television without seeing her face either on a music video countdown on MTV or BET, on American Idol or on a commercial. There was no other mainstream female rapper on her level. We had Iggy Azalea for a good summer or two (Chile, she’s a whole mess & a half on her own but that’s another topic) but it pretty much started & stopped right there. There wasn’t a big break for mainstream female rap until 2017 when Cardi B dropped Bodak Yellow, the single that would catapult Cardi’s career and begin her winning streak.

It’d be silly for me to act like friendly beefs never happen within the female rap atmosphere and that Nicki should be singlehandedly responsible for female rap unity but just looking at how the influx of new female rappers came about, it does make me wonder: Why WAS she the only one? That question has been answered numerous times by anyone from fellow femcees past or present to label execs but for some reason, people refused to accept it. It was always someone plotting against Nicki and trying to silence her for being a confident & outspoken black woman but never about Nicki being a catty bitch with no redeemable qualities. It was always someone trying to dethrone her as Queen and take her spot which is ironic because her claim to fame was being Lil’ Kim’s musical daughter. (And before y’all try to argue me on this, I never negated that she was influenced by Foxy as well but that’s not what made her a hot topic in the tabloids.)

Fast forward to now, Nicki Minaj is alleged to have both indirectly and directly contacted her husband’s r*pe victim and offered to fly her & her family to LA so she can recant her statement. In result, he would be expunged off the s*x offenders list and would be able to freely travel with his celebrity wife. In addition, Nicki went on Queen Radio back in 2019 and created a narrative that her husband was ultimately railroaded by a racist judicial system because an older white woman preyed on him. Many of her hardcore stans are either actively harassing & victim-shaming Jen (while trying to prove that she’s not actually being harassed. 🙄) or they’re attempting to absolve her of all responsibility for her deliberate decision to not only publicly date a career criminal off the s*x offender’s list but to adopt his legal woes as well. It takes a special type of arrogance to think your money & power alone is enough for people to ignore the elephant of the room but yet again this speaks to the character of Onika.

This is the same woman who managed to write a letter to the judge requesting that they be more lenient towards her brothers sentence. Let’s also note the fact she utilized her very public platform on Twitter to paint a narrative that her brother’s (ex) wife only fabricated this ‘story’ about her own daughter being r*ped by her stepfather so she could extort his celebrity younger sister out of money. If it walks & talks like a r*pe apologist then more than likely, that’s exactly what it is. Sure. She can’t help who she’s related to however she can choose who she decides to make the father of her child(ren). Her poor choices in romantic partners or even male associates reveal a lot about her politics.

Pictured below: Nicki & Meek’s back & forth on Twitter. (February 5th, 2020)

It’s quite sickening how the woman who once tweeted in 2012, “And for the record on sum serious shit, I think people who abuse children should be stoned to death in public. Period” would later change her tune when the abuser in question is her own kinfolk. It’s also very hypocritical that the woman who prides herself on being the only girl amongst all dudes and men being the inspiration to push her pen also cries about none of the fellow female rappers giving her her props. This just goes to reveal that hip hop culture as is today thrives off of misogyny & violence (whether it be physical, verbal or s*xual) so much to the point where the women in hip hop actually are fighting for an imaginary sense of respect & validation from their male peers that will never truly come into fruition. Often times we’ve wondered how so many abusers were able to exist so comfortably within hip hop without reaping any repercussions for their actions and it’s because we all have enabled them in the name of the ‘culture.’

The culture has evolved into a cesspool full of abusers & enablers and it truly saddens me because I’m a genuine fan of hip hop. I can’t even really pinpoint when it all started but as time progressed, it’s become a never-ending cycle and I just want to know why? Why has the same thing that was once created as a voice for the unheard become so disparaging against its own women? Why have the women accepted this as their norm? The answer to these questions may never make sense to me but until then, I’m done. I’m done with supporting people who I don’t morally align with what I stand for and if that means I have to throw away a lot of my childhood nostalgia, so be it. Compartmentalizing this type of behavior because I don’t want to give up the parts of a public figure I enjoy is extremely selfish and I never want to send off the message that’s ever okay under any circumstance. Someone is always watching and you never know who you may trigger just by you blindly supporting & publicly rallying behind a known abuser/abuse apologist.

- 𝙼𝙸𝚂𝚂 𝙴𝙳𝙶𝙰𝚁 𝙰𝙻𝙻𝙴𝙽 𝙷𝙾𝙴. 💋

[honeytea8]

✨✨La Squadra Boyfriend Headcanons✨✨

[Alexa, play Boyfriend by Big Time Rush]

Guys, I spend an ungodly amount of time thinking about La Squadra, so here are some bf headcanons for the sexiest group of assassins in Naples. No one asked but I am bringing it straight to your dash anyway! (under the cut for length lmao)

I’m going to start with Prosciutto, who has recently fallen on my radar pretty heavy! 

He’s a good and decent boyfriend, if not a busy one. Not that he doesn’t care about the relationship, but most of his energy was going to Passione things before you waltzed in and so he’ll struggle a bit between his work responsibilities and maintaining his relationship with you, but only in the beginning. 

If you are also a part of Passione, it’s a hell of a lot easier to manage. 

I see Prosciutto as the gift-giving type: lingerie, sweets, perfume, designers, etc. His salary isn’t the best, but he manages it as well as he can just to accommodate you! 

I just can’t get the idea out of my head that Pro was raised by a strict mama, that’s why he can be a bit of a stickler sometimes. He’ll catch you still lounging in bed at nine am, and be like “Why are you still in bed? Get dressed, we’re going out.” Dude!

I’m sorry to say, but Prosciutto is absolutely the ‘lecturing’ type. (He lectured someone in nearly every scene in the anime, Formaggio once and Pesci numerously and Bucci too) 

He will lecture you when you make mistakes, especially because as his s/o, he has high expectations for you and believes you’re capable of so much more. It’s never, ever out of hate. He loves you, and that’s why he chides you a bit lol. 

This does not negate the fact that he doesn't mind when you lean on him for support. He likes when you count on him, because he always comes through especially for you!

Depending on whether you’re in the mafia or not, I totally see him sparring with you, or working out with you in an effort to make you tough. Prosciutto wants you to be able to defend yourself, just in case. If you complain, he’ll tell you, “Better safe than sorry, tesoro”.

Prosciutto will respect you, period.

A good listener, goddamn! He’s up there with Risotto when it comes to who listens to their s/o more! If you have an issue, he’ll hear you out and offer advice if you want it. If you give him advice, he’ll take it into serious consideration. He’s honestly a good partner, can’t stress that enough.

Finally, sex with Pro is an entire event. Romantic dinner, candles lit, wine, the whole nine yards before he gives you nine inches of something else :) (I’m kidding!! Lmao, kinda). 

But as I said, Prosciutto is quite deliberate, and a bit of a perfectionist. He knows what to do and how to do it, you can trust him.

Ghiaccio is next only because he’s my favorite. 

The ice gremlin is probably the most interesting (and hilarious) boyfriend out of the bunch (I say this with only a tidbit of bias). He isn’t funny himself, but funny shit just happens to him. 

Because of this, he will use you as a soundboard when everyone else refuses to listen to him. He’s got a lot to say, so be prepared for his TEDtalks. LMAO!

It will take some perception on your part to notice when he actually expects a response from you, and other times he’s just ranting to get his point out. 

He will correct your grammar when you text, but barely notices when he makes a similar mistake (his brain moves in mph). Please use the proper names like Venezia, Italia, Roma and Napoli when talking to this man; save yourself from the headache.

When it comes to dates, please have mercy on him, he’s a textbook over-thinker! You’ll just have to plan something simple at home for you both to enjoy. 

He isn’t incapable of planning dates, but he’ll want everything to be so absolutely perfect for his s/o and will throw a fit when it ultimately isn’t. 

Contrary to popular belief, I think that Ghiaccio is a pretty attentive partner. He’s super intelligent and I think a part of it stems from his innate ability to read people (I’m referencing the part in the anime where he deduced what Giorno and Mista had come to look for, while going off very little information). 

The more time he spends with you, the better he gets at it. 

His form of affection will be shown through the amount of time you both spend together. When it comes to sex or anything related to that, be gentle and slow as Ghiaccio will likely be a flustered mess. 

As he becomes more comfortable and confident, he will be bolder and just ask out right if you’ll suck him off tonight or not. The man appreciates directness, so don’t bother being coy. “You want me to give you head? Cool, lay down a towel or something.” is what he’ll probably say.

Very practical 👌🏾👌🏾

Melone, good lord, he’s kind of perfect. 

A bit of a doting boyfriend here and there—very much concerned about your health. Expect him to ask if you’ve eaten, or taken your multivitamin. How are your bowel movements?  LMAO

It can become a bit much, but he really genuinely cares. He’s not asking to be intrusive or nasty! If he was, you’d know. 🤣

But I seriously consider Melone to be the one (at least among La Squadra) who is way, way invested in his relationships. He will know every little detail about you; will ask you lots of questions and expects you to ask him just as many. 

This may be annoying to some, but this dude will definitely bring up your horoscope in an argument. He’ll be like “I honestly can’t fathom why you’re being this way, though it’s to be expected from a libra.” 

Peg this bitch so he can shut up.  

Melone is also touchy as hell, but not in a clingy way. He loves touching, and just to tag onto the headcanon about his partial blindness, I want to say that he’s so touchy because that’s how he ‘sees’ you best.

Just know that half the time, he isn’t touching you to be lecherous, even if he genuinely does like the feel of your skin under his fingertips. Melone will even encourage you to touch him back. 

Rub his thigh or back and he’ll be simping.

He is obsessed with your legs, and will paint your toes if you let him. 

LOVES PDA! Melone will also tongue-kiss you in public if you let him!

Notice how I keep saying ‘if you let him’. Give him an inch and he’ll press you for a mile, so if there are boundaries you would like to establish, please do, cuz he sure as hell won’t, just saying!

When it comes to sex, Melone is a dick and coochie sensei. Oral is his favorite thing to do, probably enjoys giving more than receiving to be honest. I’d say he’s pretty much mastered sex for what it is. 

That being said, if he’s ever talking out of his neck, just invite him to put his mouth to better use. He’ll even thank you for your gracious request.

Formaggio is next 💀 

According to my JoJo compatriots from discord, he’s like the Optimus Prime of fuckboi’s so let’s ride that wave for a bit! LMAO

I hope it doesn’t come as a surprise that Formaggio is pretty shameless. He will send you a dick pic on Sunday morning before church and have the audacity to say “Just wanted to bless you real quick”. 

@autumn-kouhai mentioned him giving his s/o sickly sweet pet names and I just have to agree. 

Expect to be hit upside the head with: baby-boo, sugar plum, honey bunches, sweetums. I can imagine them becoming really ridiculous too like “the last piece of red velvet cake” or “cheddar bae biscuits from Red Lobster”

His catch phrase is “Got nudes?”

Send them, and he won’t be afraid to reply with something equally sexy. 

Be warned though, he will stockpile whatever you send him and then be careless with his phone. If you don’t mind Illuso’s snoopy ass seeing your nudes then by all means, have at it. Otherwise, send them through snapchat, so they disappear later. 

As far as La Squadra boyfriends go, he’s the most fun! Y’all don’t even go anywhere because man’s is broke. BUT, Formaggio knows how to have a good time without any need to spend money (my kind of dude tbh) you guys just crank up the tunes, dance, and get lit until the neighbors complain. 

Formi is also the CEO of jokes/memes, and will have you in absolute tears almost always! I literally tell my friends that funny guys are so dangerous, don’t sleep on them! They will make you laugh until your panties drop, it’s magic, I swear. Formaggio has that same energy. 

No matter how bad of a day his s/o is having, rest assured, he will draw the biggest laugh out of you.

Besides his fuckboi tendencies, his most redeeming quality is the fact that he’s super cool and fun to hang with. You’ll literally have a good time, always, because his energy is right! Very good vibes around this man, I swear! It’ll be exactly like dating your best friend, because essentially, he will be your bestie.

Formi has many moments of tenderness that aren’t sexually charged too—moments where the jokes stop and he’ll just rub your back or feet, this is usually when you aren’t feeling well and need some quiet. 

However, Formaggio won’t let you mope all day, he’ll pull out the big guns and call you his “sweetie baby” and when you try to resist he’ll say “What, I’m just tryna show you some love.”

He’s a good dude lmao I’d date a guy like him irl 😭

Pesci stans wya??! Let’s get into this baby boy. 

Pesci is boyfriend material, idgaf what anyone says. 

He is pretty much the least problematic to be with among all of La Squadra, even more so than Risotto (don’t argue with me). 

Pesci is hyper aware of your likes and dislikes and will literally go out of his way to make sure that you’re well and okay. 

Arguments are basically nonexistent and if they occur it ain’t coming from his side. 

I also think that Pesci has a lot of empathy, so when you’re going through something, he’s right there in the thick of it with you. If you’ve seen that meme that goes ‘when my gf is on her period it’s UterUS’ lmao that’s Pesci’s energy 100%. 

Sometimes, he’s more of a lover and not a fight, that is perfectly okay!

However, if someone tries up his s/o, say farewell to Mr. Niceguy. He will defend your honor to his dying breath. And with you in his corner, trust me, he’s not going down. 

A romantic at heart, Pesci will plan little date trips like picnics in the park or boat trips to Capri, actually, I’d like to point out that he excels in the art of date planning. If you’re the adventurous type, he’ll plan outings where you both will be more active, like biking through the city or renting a mop-ed and going sight-seeing. 

Because Pesci has a sensitive stomach, he’s very much considerate of what you both put in your bodies. If you have dietary restrictions or allergies, this guy knows all about it and will cater to you perfectly. 

A true gentleman through and through, he will never force himself on you, ever. In fact, he really doesn’t like engaging in anything sexual when you’re drunk or high, sorry if you’re into that! 

Pesci is the kind of guy who keeps up with your favorite shows.

If ya’ll have similar taste in media or literature, he will immerse himself in it so that he can relate to you all the more.

If there’s anyone who will entertain anime-related discourse, no matter how nonsensical, it’s Pesci. And he isn’t just putting up with it, he’s actively engaging in the conversation so you are always heard and validated. 

He’s an A+ boyfriend, that’s all I gotta say! Haters can stay mad :)

Goddamn Illuso... idk man.

I really feel like you have to have thick/tough skin to handle this guy, for various reasons. 

The first being that Illuso can be a bit mean at first. He’ll push your buttons on purpose just to see what’ll make you tick. Will tease the living heck out of you, always, kind of a bully lmao but not to the extreme, it’s just his brand of humor—and the thing is, he won’t be mad when you dish it right back, so it’s cool. 

Secondly, Illuso has big dick energy!! 

I mean rightfully so, because he is indeed packing! But my word, he ain’t humble about it at all! 

He is not above making jokes about ‘splitting you in half’. In fact all of his jokes have hidden, dirty undertones! 

His affection is shown through speech mostly. Illuso will drop subtle innuendos and provocations, half to see you flustered and half because he wants you to know how much he wants you. 

Illuso isn’t incredibly vocal about his feelings outside of ‘I’m tryna hit that thang’ but you won’t doubt that he loves you because Illuso doesn’t waste his own time. 

If he’s spending his time with you, you can rest assured that it’s because he wants to. 

Illuso is a voyeur and you’ll just have to understand/accept that and move on. 

He loves watching you and will even creep over to your place through the mirror world just to hang or watch you do chores. Loves to surprise you and give you jump scares lmao it’ll make you a tad paranoid but it’s also fun. 

Illuso is prone to random bouts of sweetness; it’s very sporadic, very touch-and-go. 

One day, you’ll wake up to chocolates on your dresser or new shoes, lingerie, or makeup if you wear it. I imagine that if you’re low on funds, he will even help you buy your groceries that week. 

It’ll surprise the hell out of you, but that’s just how Illuso is. He enjoys keeping you on your toes! 

He’s prideful and smug as hell, so he will definitely expect a thank you, because even if he does it out of the kindness in his heart, he also wants to hear that you appreciate him

Same goes for the bedroom scene. Illuso loves making you vocal, it’s his favorite thing in the world, so he’ll make a game out of doing the things that get the biggest reaction out of you. Like I said, it's that big dick energy at work here, smh.

Sorbet and Gelato in a polyamorous relationship with you? Let’s get it! 

We don’t get anything substantial about these two except that Sorbet follows the money, so these are all personal headcanons for how I see and write them. 

Here’s the juice: when it comes to you as their s/o, these two are possessive as hell. You are theirs and that’s that on that! 😭 Don’t ask questions, just go with it.

Sorbet is the chill one of the duo. He can be a bit smug at times, but he’s mostly a laid back dude who doesn’t get bothered by much.

When it comes to you, Sorbet likes to spend quality time with you more than anything, and will ask you to cook for him at your place so he ain’t gotta spend money. Oh? Did I not mention that I kinda think of him as a cheapskate? Lmao cuz I do.

Sorbet will come by your place just to steal your coupons from the mail then head out; you’re not using ‘em so why should he let them go to waste?

Gelato is the complete opposite; personality wise, I headcanon him as a mix between Melone and Formaggio lmao

But it’s not as crazy as it sounds, he’s cute and outspoken like Melone, while maintaining a free-spirit like Formaggio. One quality that I like is that he’s quite devoted to you and Sorbet. If anyone crosses either of you, goodluck to them!

I like to think Gelato’s also just really boujee and high maintenance. He loves to pamper and be pampered. You and him tag-team Sorbet’s wallet and go on spa dates together at his expense (not that he ever really stood a chance)

While Sorbet is cool with just being in the same room as you, Gelato loves hugging/cuddling with you and Sorbet—will definitely fight for the middle spot between the two of you on the couch during movie nights.

He baby, so let him have it lol

In the bedroom, I would salute anyone with the guts to take the two of them on. They both lay down that work, period. 

Sorbet gets his kicks from teasing and edging you (his sadistic side comes out a bit), while Gelato loves when you give him extra TLC. To put it short, they know how to take care of you, so there are no issues there. 

Last but not least, Mr. Risotto Nero himself.

Man, idc on the lowest of keys, he seems a little bit like a grandpa to me

The type to sit at home and do crosswords, has a bird feeder in his yard and plays old Italian hits while washing the dishes. It’s very domestic 💀 (I find it cute, whatever!)

As a boyfriend, I can’t imagine him suddenly being spontaneous or outgoing unless you drag him out of his home/comfort zone.

Be patient with Mr. Nero, and he can come to surprise you

After a while, it won’t be just you dragging him out and about; one day he’ll ask you to come over and you’ll be greeted with a nice, traditional, homemade meal

Pay attention and you will notice him watching your face to see if you like his cooking 🥺

After seeing his fight with Doppio, I must admit that Risotto is very, very observant, almost scarily so.

I can totally picture him pointing out random things about his s/o that even they don’t know

One night, Risotto may come up to you and say “I talked to your neighbor about the dog, they’ll keep it inside now.” And you’re just staring like 😳 how did he know the barking was keeping you up at night????

He’s sweet, and will take good care of you as a boyfriend should.

Very good listener, won’t talk as much but will hang on to your every word, I promise. He could even recite it to you verbatim.

He’s a big dude, that ain’t news, so expect to be swallowed up in hugs and sometimes even picked up (as a tall girl myself, I simp!!!)

Gives A1 piggyback rides, lol

ALSO RISOTTO IS HUMBLE ASF!

Big dick energy, but on low volume 👏🏾 after all, he doesn’t need to do much talking, because a night with him is more than enough!

Listen babe, you better stretch, do some squats, and prep in whatever way you can before Mr. Nero gives you that work. 🤐

Lowkey a freak, but it’s well hidden behind his ‘quiet giant’ exterior

So, who are y'all dating? Personally, I’m going for Formaggio and Pesci hehe

[margridarnauds]

@inkandglitter21​

This is a VERY good question! And one that I think keeps quite a few people in the field up at night, to be honest, but I’m going to give the best answer I possibly can, hence why I’m giving it its own post. My apologies in advance if this gets slightly technical - Some of this is kind of inherently technical and complicated. I also am going to HAVE to mention that I’m doing my best to represent the closest thing we can get to a consensus of the field, but that doesn’t mean that someone, in a week or so, can’t publish an article that blows this out of the water. It happens. 

As a further warning, which I give every single time I discuss the issues inherent to the study of this material: I am not a religious authority. I’m a Celticist. I love the Tuatha Dé, but I can’t claim any form of spiritual connection with them. (As LGE would say, “Though the author enumerates them, she does not worship them.”) So, to anyone who reads this who might have a connection to the figures described....I can’t say anything about the relationship that you, personally, have with them. I can only say what we know, what we don’t know, and what we’re still kind of scratching our heads at with regards to the medieval material. Part of why I’ve, traditionally, sworn off talking about Bríg, Danu, and Morrigan is specifically because they tend to arouse some very strong feelings, and I never really wanted to get caught in something I couldn’t handle. 

But, also. What use is a geas if you don’t break it, likely leading you to your tragic-yet-inevitable doom? 

So, first off, let’s talk Lebor Gabála Érenn. MAGNIFICENT text, and a personal baby of mine. Chock full of information about the Tuatha Dé, the Fir Bolg, the Milesians, the High Kings of Ireland....basically everything a person could ever want to know. A mythographer’s dream and nightmare all in one. But, there’s a problem with it, and it’s one that I feel like Celticists have never stressed enough to the public, not the least because Celticists, as a group, tend to be a little....terrified of LGE. There are relatively few scholars who want to work with it after Macalister’s edition (to understand the reception to Macalister: A personal hobby of mine is collecting remarks other scholars have made about his edition, because they can be BRUTAL.) It has been described as “almost unreadable.” Which is kind of forgivable given the man was DYING when he made it, but still. 

Why are so many scholars scared of LGE? Well, primarily, because it’s hard to say that there was one singular LGE. LGE, as we know it, was compiled in about the 11th century. Or, it began to be compiled in the 11th century. It’s a Middle Irish text (so, it’s coming significantly later than, say, Tochmarc Étaíne or Cath Maige Tuired, which are both ~9th century texts, though CMT was given revisions in the 11th century to bring it in line with LGE). And it is based off of a MUCH bigger genre of pseudohistorical texts, with many of the older texts being missing or destroyed. (The one generally most mourned by us is the one in Cín Dromma Snechta, which could have dated to as early as the 8th century and definitely contained a sort of proto-LGE. We know this because LGE cites it on occasion, so the tradition didn’t fully die out, we just don’t have the full thing.) So, to begin with, LGE is a mixed bag, based off of essentially all the work that came before it, with the scribes involved basically playing a juggling game with what prior scribes jotted down. (You can see it every once in a while, where a redactor will say something like “Certain ignorant people believe ____, but it is clearly not the case, for _________.”) 

It’s almost better to view it as a scrapbook than a single text - You have about 3-4 recensions (different scholars identified different recensions) spread out over around 20 surviving manuscripts, each recension containing significant amounts of detail that vary from their counterparts. Also, studded across LGE, you have a variety of poems that are believed to date either before or at around the same time that LGE was being compiled. (Part of what drives scholars up a WALL with Macalister’s translation is that, besides not identifying the original poets for the poems featured in LGE, he also separated the poems from the text around them. And, as someone who did have to work with that translation....yeah, it is a hot mess. Sorry and RIP, Macalister, but it’s a mess.) 

Now, you might wonder: Why am I telling you this? You came at me with a mythography question and I’m hitting you with manuscript studies. But THIS is the context that it’s existing in - I know it’s fairly popular to kind of talk shit about the scribes writing this stuff down, but it’s very important to understand that they were really trying their best to understand this stuff, just like we were. And, between the various recensions of LGE, we can actually SEE the tradition evolve. One of the key ways to know that Something Pre-Christian is going on is if NONE of the redactors could agree on someone. If you see someone’s depiction REALLY shifting around, you know that the redactors were having an issue with them, possibly dealing with multiple contradictory traditions. 

Enter the Bríg/Dana/Anu/Morrigan problem. AKA “Things that will cause me to have nightmares.” So, let’s try to take this piece by piece. 

The term “Tuatha Dé Danann” is generally accepted to be a later addition. There was not, before a certain time in the Irish mythological tradition, any notion of a goddess named “Danu”. (Established by John Carey in the article, “The name Tuatha Dé Danann”-- Essentially, the term “Tuatha Dé” was the original, but then, with the influence of the term Tuatha Dé, or “Tribe of God” to refer to the Israelites, they felt they had to disambiguate it to “Tuatha Dé Danann”, or “People of Skill”, and then people mistook “Danann” as being the name of a goddess...if I remember correctly, since I don’t have it to hand at the moment.) It is very important to establish this off the bat. Now, how did this get started? And where does this web begun to be woven? Well, I feel like someone could probably write at LEAST a MA dissertation on the topic, possibly even a PhD, and it definitely isn’t going to be me, but I can try my best. 

So. The Trí Dé Dána (Three Gods of Skill). 

Originally, it seems very likely that the genitive component Dána in their name was not meant to be a proper name. They were not MEANT to be perceived as “The Three Gods of Dana”, but “the three gods of skill”. As noted by O’Rahilly (and GOD, it hurts me when he’s right), the first time we really have the phrase referenced is in Cath Maige Tuired, where, he argues, and I have to agree with him, that it refers to Goibhniu, Luchta, and Credne, who Lugh goes to for weapons to fight against the Fomoire. Additionally, you have a gloss on the 9th century text “Immacallam in Dá Thuarad: Ecna mac na tri nDea nDána” that says that their mother was Bríg, though also seems to indicate, specifically, a connection with the filid, which keeps neatly with the LGE reference (and to the image of Bríg as a poetess. I don’t have enough time to talk Bríg here, but if you want to see what I had to say a while back, I made a post here) After the 12th century, though, when the name “Danu” became associated with the Tuatha Dé, a bunch of medieval scribes looked at “Trí Dé Dána” and thought, not UNREASONABLY, “Oh? This is a reference to Danu? Let’s fix that grammar!” So you have, in some later recensions of LGE, the name “Trí Dé Dána” replaced by “Tré dée Danann/Donand/Danand.” It is vital to mention, as Williams does in Ireland’s Immortals (189), that “Danu/Donu” is never attested, it’s always Donand/Danand. So, from the get-go, trying to identify “Danand” with “Anu” was going to be problematic at best. The general consensus seems to be that Bríg and Bres were the original parents of the Trí Dé, and that it’s very possible that they were, originally, specifically associated with the filid, or poets, with this fitting very neatly into both Bres and Bríg’s associations with the Dagda, Ogma, and, of course, Elatha, but that, with Cath Maige Tuired in the 9th century and the new tradition of Bres as a tyrant, it all got muddled, with traces of it lingering into LGE. (Myth and Mythography)

But, what about “Anu?” Who is this figure? And THIS, my friends, is where things REALLY begin to get fucky. She is identified in Cormac’s Glossary as mater deorum hibernensium, “Mother of the gods of Ireland” - That is beyond doubt. This ties in very naturally with the conflation of Danand/Danu as the mother of the Trí Dé Dána that we discussed earlier. It was, to a certain extent, natural that the two of them would become intertwined.

So, this means that Anu is a genuine pre-Christian figure who became entangled up with the whole Danu business? 

Well....

Michael Clarke, in his exploration of the intellectual environment of medieval Ireland, points out that the reference to “Anu” is, in fact, VERY similar to both Isidore of Sevile and in Carolingian mythographical compilations relating to the Greek goddess Cybele, indicating that the scribe, when he was jotting that down, might have very well had that in mind (52-53). Does this mean that they invented ANOTHER goddess and then conflated that goddess with another invented goddess? 

...not quite. 

Because we still have to account for things like, for example, a mountain known as “The Paps of Anand”, which isn’t easily ascribed to a classical influence. (As noted by Mark Williams, with the typical mixture of good humor and good sense that characterizes his writing,“It beggars belief to think that the Pre-Christian Irish would not have associated so impressively breasted a landscape with a female deity.”) (189). Also, as noted by Williams, even the most skeptical argument cannot explain where Anu comes from. It seems unlikely that they would simply create a goddess out of thin air. Even Danu, as sketchy as her existence is, came from SOMEWHERE, even if it was a linguistic, instead of spiritual, basis. But THEN we have to deal with another question: If this figure is so important, why doesn’t she show up in any of the myths? Why let the Dagda, Lugh, the Morrigan, Midir, Óengus, Ogma, and Nuada have all the fun? The Dagda in particular is as close to a BLATANTLY pre-Christian deity as you can get on-page, so it can’t be chalked up to a simple “They didn’t want to depict the mother of the gods on page.” Mark Williams suggests, tentatively, that Anu might have been a minor Munster figure who swelled in popularity, possibly dropped in by some Munster-based scribes who wanted to bolster their own province’s reputation and, equally tentatively, without further evidence to go on, I have to agree with him. I believe there’s too much evidence to suggest that there was SOMETHING, but that there’s also too little to say that she had the range or influence described, and that it’s very likely that, at the very least, the scribe writing that entry had Cybele on his mind. It’s really, really a mystery, though. 

Furthermore, as John Carey notes in “Notes on the Irish War Goddess”....why conflate Anu with the Morrigan? “While it may be plausible....to explain a war-goddess’s possession of sexual characteristics...it is considerably more difficult to follow that chain of thought in reverse in order to account for a land goddess with martial traits. Not is there any evident reason for a conflation of Anu/Anann and the Morrígan unless the former were to some extent linked with war already” pointing out that, relevant to the first paragraph of this, it SEEMS like her inclusion among the daughters of Ernmas was forced on the redactor by a prior tradition (271). Sometimes, she’s a fourth daughter of Ernmas, sometimes she’s a replacement for the Morrigan, sometimes, in the later texts, she’s associated with Danu. It’s like the various authors KNEW they had to include her in there somehow, but they didn’t know how, and she didn’t fit in smoothly once they did. Are we looking at a war/land goddess , obscure enough that the redactor didn’t know where to put her, deciding that she HAD to be the Morrigan/one of the Morrigan’s sisters but not knowing exactly how to fit her in? It wouldn’t be the first time multiple traditions clashed like this. Also, as noted by Sharon Paice Macleod, who gave a very thorough (if not always, in my opinion, sufficiently contextual) account of the tradition, there is a location called the “Paps of the Morrigan”, further suggesting a fertility aspect to the Morrigan that also features into Carey’s earlier argument of dual aspects to the Irish war goddess, along with Bhreatnach’s suggestion of the sovereignty goddess, who represents the land in the medieval Irish literary tradition (and into the present) also functioning as a goddess of death. (Indeed, as noted by Bhreatnach, the hag Cailb from Togail Bruidne Dá Derga, who functions as a sort of anti-sovereignty goddess, identifies herself with Nemain and Badb, at 255. Sovereignty giveth, sovereignty taketh away when you don’t fulfill your place as king.)

Basically, as with almost everything relating to pre-Christian religion in Ireland, we’ve really, really got to shrug our shoulders and go “Fuck if I know, mate.” 

My best attempt at a tl;dr for...this: 

LGE - WEIRD 

Danu - Help us. 

Trí Dé - Who’s your daddy? (Most likely? Bres originally, though it got out of hand after, like, the 12th century.) 

Anu - Who are you? (Who, Who?) 

Sources: 

Scowcroft, “Leabhar Gabhála Part I: The growth of the text" (For the discussion on the different recensions of LGE.)

John Carey, “The Irish National Origin-Legend: Synthetic Pseudohistory”

T.F O’Rahilly, Early Irish History and Mythology

Máire Bhreathnach, “The Sovereignty Goddess as Goddess of Death”

John Carey, “The name Tuatha Dé Danann”

Mark Williams, Ireland’s Immortals (Who, really, puts this all together in a so much more cohesive way in his book, I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to get an idea of how these things develop.)

John Carey, “Myth and Mythography in Cath Maige Tuired.” 

Michael Clarke, “Linguistic Education and Literary Creativity in Medieval Ireland”. 

John Carey, “Notes on the Irish War Goddess”

Sharon Paice Macleod, “Mater Deorum Hibernensium: Identity and Cross-Correlation in Early Irish Mythology.” 

[weapvnized]

*falls out of the dumpster behind your local Denny’s* Howdy, everyone! I’m Kip and we’re just not going to talk about how late I am to the party and just jump right into my intro that definitely got out of hand because yours truly is way to excited for this rp!

What’s that scent? The smell of BLOOD SPILT AGAINST COLD METAL, which would explain the appearance of JAVIER CRUZ. Continental records indicate they are  known as PHANTOM, a THIRTY year old SPECIALIST. They have the unique ability of INTANGIBILITY.  They were specifically selected for enrollment for the ASSASSINATION OF GRANT ANDERSON, where they ASSASSNITED A HIGH RANKING PUBLIC OFFICIAL IN A SUPPOSED SECURE LOCATION WITHOUT ANY SIGNS OF FORCED ENTRY, LEAVING MOST OF THE PUBLIC TO BUY INTO THE CONSPIRACY OF IT BEING AN INSIDE JOB. They can be VOLATILE and CYNICAL, but also ADAPTABLE and DAUNTLESS. We wish them well in their business to come.

BACKSTORY ! (death tw, murder tw, & car accident tw)

The first six years of Javier’s life were about as close to perfect as life could get — raised in a warm home by two doting parents that provided their son with all the love and care in the world. It’s clear his life would’ve been completely different had tragedy not struck. While at home, safe and sound, going on make believe adventures with his babysitter, his parents were killed in a car accident.

With no one to take him in and no place to stay after that night, Javier was placed into foster care. Still trying to process and understand his own grief, he found the transition difficult and behavioral issues began to arise in the young boy. Soon after his behavioral problems popped up, he found himself getting bounced from home to home — never finding the perfect fit. 

Unsure of what else to do with him, Javier was moved into a group home when he was fourteen. He initially hated it there, but his opinion changed ever so slightly when he started to bond with two other boys there. As it turned out, the trio had a few similarities to bond over  — all three were superhumans that had been juggled and mismanaged in the system from their early childhoods due to behavioral issues and all three of them were overall fed up with it.

Despite trouble brewing, the staff didn’t see Javier bonding with the other two as problematic. In fact, it looked like an improvement for him —like he was finally coming out of his shell and forming meaningful connections for the first time since his parents’ deaths. They didn’t overhear the lengthy conversations where the boys expressed their dissatisfaction with their lives in comparison to the well-off and completely intolerable peers they had at school. And they certainly weren’t aware that Javier was beginning to use his intangibility to sneak the three of them out at night.

Their night’s spent out started as a way to blow off steam — damage a little public property and run off laughing into the night. Slowly, Dustin — the eldest of the trio and unofficial leader of the group — came to the conclusion that there was so much more the boys could do with their powers. It all started with pure intentions — steal from businesses that could afford it and stage the stolen items as anonymous and generous gifts made to the group home. Naturally things started to escalate and they found themselves stealing from wealthy individuals as well — acting as a modern version of Robinhood and his band of merry men. 

With the exception of a few close calls, their actions went largely unnoticed until one fateful night. Unbeknownst to the trio, the owner of the estate they were robbing was home and quietly watching the amateur heist take place. Impressed with how well they worked together and used their abilities, the man didn’t report them to the police and instead made plans to adopt the two that hadn’t aged out of the system yet. 

Javier and the boy closer to his age were soon adopted seemingly out of nowhere and Dustin was even offered a place to stay with them by the man they stole from. Perhaps this should’ve raised some sort of alarms, but all three were all too delighted to have a place where it felt like they were finally wanted and cared for to pay attention to any red flags.

Shortly after, they started training more rigorously and eventually started participating in more largescale crimes. All the while they were treated like family — never suspecting that they were really nothing more than tools to the person who took them in. It wasn’t until later when Javier was injured in a training mishap and pushed to continue, that Dustin became suspicious of why they were really there.

There was little time to process all this though, as they were quickly dispatched to take care of a job for a “trusted contact.” It was, of course, a setup to get rid of the boys who would become a problem should they turn against the man that took them in. In all the chaos, betrayal, and confusion that came with this job, Dustin was killed while the other two were able to make it back home — only to face more betrayal. The pair managed to escape death for the second time that night, but not without Javier taking a bullet to his shoulder from his adoptive father.

After getting Javier proper medical attention, the pair decided it was for the best that they part ways in hopes that it’d make them harder to track down. Once he fully recovered, he went back to criminal work, this time working independently as a hitman in hopes to better hone his skills so he can absolutely wreck his adoptive father’s shit one day 😌

HEADCANONS !

Forgive and forget? Absolutely not! Javier is very much the resent and remember type. Screw him over at any point and he’ll be hellbent on getting even. Like even over little things — he can be extremely petty.

Very hotheaded — it doesn’t take a lot to get under his skin. And while it is something he’s sort of working on...it’s not uncommon to find him in the middle of a heated argument over something stupid or caught up in a bar brawl.

Is the type to take jobs very seriously and expects the people working with him to do the same. While he’s not going to call you out right then and there for a mistake, you can bet your ass he’ll have a lot to say once the job is over and will be brutally honest about it. 

Teamwork is really hit or miss with him. He has experience at working well as a team and should in theory be better at it because of it, but his general distrust for others can get in the way and make things not go quite as smooth as they need to. Despite all his distrust, he is someone who can be relied on in the field and does make it a priority to make sure everyone involved gets out in one piece so there’s that.

Generally prefers to work alone or at least in some sort of leadership role, but he can adapt and take direction well if need be. And while he would prefer missions to go exactly as planned, realistically he knows that’s probably not going to happen and can quickly adjust.

It’s not easy to gain his trust or friendship, but once you do he’s very ride or die (unless you epically screw up and manage to lose his trust). 

Not to call him out or anything, but he’s had very few meaningful or significant relationships of any type with other people so he’s lowkey lonely. Of course, he’d never admit it, but yeah definitely lonely.

His sense of humor, when present, is usually sarcastic and dry.

Can frequently be seen rolling his eyes, facepalming, and sporting an annoyed expression.

Immediate death glare to anyone who calls him Javi (if they’re not close).

The first vine that pops into my head when I think about Javier is the one where the dude is hanging off his bed and goes, “Alright, let’s tell each other a secret about ourselves. I’m going to go first, I hate you.”

EXTRAS !

Wanted Connections/Plot Ideas || Stats || Powers Page || Playlist || Pinterest (blood & images of weapons tw in the aesthetic section!!)

[that-70s-page]

Dear Friend | Part Three

Pairing: 70s!Roger Taylor x Reader

Summary: The mutual pinings of best friends.

Words: ~1.3

Warnings: Angst, language, mentions of anxiety and abuse (blink and you’ll miss it.)

A/N: This one is a bit shorter, sorry. I was in a hurry writing it because school started last week. I promise there will be some good, hearty fluff coming up real soon, just not a ton in this part! ;) Gotta suffer through some icky plot to get to the goods, ya know?

As you climb onto the bus on your way to Roger’s studio, clutching a bag of take out Mexican food tightly to your chest to protect it from the bustling passengers, you hear a familiar voice calling your name from inside the vehicle. The sound makes you freeze in place, and you feel your blood begin to boil in your veins.

“Y/N!”

Your name sounds disgusting coming from those lips. How dare he try to talk to me, after what he did? He has no right, you seethe, turning your body away from the man’s desperate attempts at reaching you from across the bus.

You push your way through the crowd towards the back of the bus, earning a few choice words from the people attached to the feet you step on, but all of your focus is on getting as far as possible from your ex.

Lucas must have known I take this bus every week. Why else would he be here, let alone try and speak to me?

You fight back angry tears, feeling fragments of past emotions tumbling back from the vault buried in the depths of your brain. You had gotten over him, but you would never forgive him.

You squeeze your eyes shut in an attempt to block out his voice, and pray that he won’t approach you. Your prayers go unanswered, however, and you feel his large hand on your shoulder.

Unlike Roger, his touch makes your body freeze and your skin feel taught against your muscles. You involuntarily shrink away, opening your eyes and blinking away the shine before turning around to meet his gaze.

The moment you look back into his cold, dark brown eyes, you feel your heart stop beating and your hands begin to shake.

“Hey, Y/N. You look great, how’ve you been?” Lucas asks with a sickeningly fake smile.

It’s as if the last two years had never happened for him. He wasn’t the one who had gotten hurt, he didn’t have to suffer the months of crying and anxiety that came with a cheating spouse. Not to mention the fact that he got off scot free for laying his hands on you. He probably spent the last year sleeping around and not feeling any guilt whatsoever.

“I’ve been good,” you reply, voice dripping with fake sincerity. You hold his gaze, willing your hands to stop shaking.

He can’t do anything to me. We are on a public bus, he would never risk touching me with so many people around.

“That’s great. Where are you headed? I see you’ve already got lunch, so I’m guessing there’s no chance of you joining me for a bite,” he smirks, leaning in closer as you grip the paper bag so tightly your knuckles turn white.

“You guessed right. I’m going to the studio, I’ve got lunch plans with Roger already,” you fake disappointment, feeling a pang of satisfaction as you notice the flash of anger that passes through Lucas’s eyes at the mention of Roger.

“Not a problem, doll. I’ll see you around, yeah?”

“Yeah, c’ya Lucas,” your voice shakes with the effort of trying to hide your fear, and you desperately try to hold back the flood of anxious tears that threaten to spill over you reddening eyes.

 “Have a good lunch love, this is my stop,” he says, giving you one last sweep with his eyes. 

You shudder at the pet name, remembering how you had forced Roger to stop calling you that after you had ended things with Lucas, the word bringing back too many painful memories. It had taken months for you to allow Roger to call you that again, not wanting to associate him with Lucas in any aspect.

You can feel his gaze as he takes in your body, thankful that you had worn a baggy sweater rather than a cute top. His eyes roaming your body are enough to make you feel like throwing up, and you shuffle impossibly farther back into the bus to escape his invasive stare.

The moment you reach the bus stop closest to the studio, you feel a rush of relief pass through your tense body. You half walk half jog the last two blocks to the building, and reach the large glass doors sweaty and out of breath.

You fumble with the handle, balancing the paper bag of burritos and chips in one hand, and step into the warmth of the recording studio.

The familiar surroundings soothe your nerves, and you feel yourself regaining your breath. After collecting yourself and shrugging off your coat, you take the elevator up to the band’s level.

After what feels like centuries, the elevator gives a low ding and the doors slide open, revealing the messy but comfortable room where the infamous Queen creates their music.

Roger is sat on the couch beside Deaky, watching Freddie try to explain something to a very frustrated Brian.

Roger glances up from the argument and notices you standing outside the elevator doors.

“Y/N! And she comes with food!” he grins, jumping up from the couch.

“Roger! And he doesn’t get to eat all the chips!” you laugh, but fail to hide the shakiness in your voice.

Roger immediately picks up on your obvious discomfort and puts his hands on your shoulders.

“What’s wrong, love? Bad day at work?” 

You visibly flinch at the pet name, still shaken from your conversation with Lucas, and a flash of realization passes through Roger’s concerned gaze.

“Shit, it was him, wasn’t it? What did he do? That wanker better not have touched you, or I swear to God I’ll rip-”

“I’m fine, Roger, I just ran into him on the way here. He startled me, that’s all,” you assure him, but the tightness in your throat betrays you once again.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. You don’t look fine, do you want to talk? We can ditch the boys and go somewhere else if you want,” he gives you a sad smile, taking the bag from your shaky hands.

“N-no I want to stay here. Let’s just eat lunch like normal, ok?”

He hesitates, but then nods and takes your hand in his, leading you to the small coffee table opposite the couch.

He pulls the food out and lays it on the smooth surface, giving the chips to you as a silent gesture of sympathy, and you shoot him a wobbly smile. You both eat in silence for a while, but you can tell by his fidgeting and frequent glances that he is trying hard not to question you about your unfortunate run-in with Lucas.

“Rog, he didn’t do anything, I promise. He was just his usual arsehole self, don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t worry about it? How can you say that? Of course I’m going to fucking worry about it, he hurt you!” Roger’s voice raises an octave against his mouthful of burrito, and the only reason his sudden outburst doesn’t upset you more is because he looks ridiculous yelling with a mouthful of food.

“I know Roger, I know. But I just don’t want to make a big deal about it. We’re bound to run into each other, we both live in London. I can’t prevent our paths from crossing, as much as I’d like to,” you reason, waiting for him to finish angrily chewing his burrito.

He glares at the paper bag, fuming at the thought of Lucas speaking to you after everything that he did.

You love that he is so protective of you, but it can be problematic in certain situations. That, and it reminds you of the painful fact that he will never be the overprotective boyfriend you long to have. As much as he sometimes acts like it, he will always just be like your caring older brother.

“I get it, Y/N. But are you sure you’re ok? I just can’t believe he had the nerve to approach you.”

“I’ll be fine, he just surprised me. Now, can we please stop talking about him?”

“Sure, but-”

“Eat your burrito, Taylor.”

 Part Four!

Taglist: @benders-diamond-earring @brokenheartedjubilee @shutup-sorry @thefairyfellersmasterstroke @spaghetittiesbcimgay @lacontroller1991 @luvborhap @chlobo6 @turquiosenights @rogershoe

[battlestar-royco]

Considering my place in the anti community

So, I know that might be an alarming title, but rest assured I don’t see myself deactivating or ceasing discussion of SJ/M’s books any time soon. But a lot of things have led me to the decision to explicitly veer my blog in another direction. I’ve said more than once before that I made this blog around May of 2018 as a joke between me, myself, and I, as a way to vent my disappointments with the T0G and AC0TAR series into this dumb blue void. I kid you not, I literally did not expect anyone to interact with me at all, and aside from mutuals on my main, I’d never been sent an ask in all the (then) six years I had a Tumblr. I didn’t expect to meet and befriend such a passionate, salty, visionary, thoughtful community. A little over a year later, I’m interacting with too many people to keep up with, I find myself being tagged and reblogged by reputable bloggers with way bigger followings from all over Tumblr’s diversity-forward fandom communities, and I even have run-ins with anon hate and stan ridiculousness every so often. The anti community as I know it has been a welcoming home that has taught me so much. That being said, there are a few reasons I want to slightly switch gears. So here goes. This is a long one, so thanks for sticking it out, if you make it to the end.

What will remain and what will change?

More will stay the same than will change. I will still absolutely be answering asks about YA books and SJ/M, and I will be posting about the issues within them and how I think they could have gone better. I will also still be tagging such things as anti. I really enjoy discussing the nitty gritty of characters, worldbuilding, and how all that coincides with the handling of diversity and feminism in the books. This type of discussion is, I think, how I gained most of my following, so I don’t want to turn my back on you. Also, in the near future, I mainly just want my blog to be a place where diverse representation across all identity vectors and forms of media, especially fantasy books, is a focus. I want people to feel they can talk earnestly about their issues with xyz representation and/or discuss diversity struggles they come across with their own writing.

I feel like the anti community stagnates periodically and we devolve into cold wars with stans, picking apart miniscule details of the books, scouring SJ/M’s social media, repeating ourselves, or other similar activities. Going forward I want to reduce the conversations that are founded in pettiness or insulting other Tumblr users or SJ/M for things that honestly have nothing to do with the books, the YA/publishing community, or problematic behavior. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of things worth discussing re: problematic author/stan behavior, but it’s easy to lose sight of the reason for antis to exist in the first place. On to reasoning:

1. The connotation.

This is something many of you know about me as well, but it bears repeating: I never hated SJ/M’s books. My blog is a result of my passion and enjoyment of the earlier books twisted into disappointment. I wouldn’t have bothered making a blog about these books if I hated them from start to finish. I wouldn’t have made an “anti” account if I’d felt that my opinions would be accepted among stans. I felt there was a lack in both the anti and stan community for my experience, so I’m here to give voice to that. Although I started out talking about the negatives, I don’t think my blog has ever fit most people’s idea of “anti” on this site. There are a lot of truly toxic anti communities all over Tumblr who exist just to shit on creators and fans or to be negative out of spite, and I really have never identified with that desire, nor have I tried to exhibit that behavior. But thanks to worst of the worst on this site, anyone who calls themselves anti is automatically associated with that. I also think as a whole, every SJ/M anti is doing completely different stuff with their own blogs. We’ve got book cover criticism, opinions and advice about publishing, T0G rewrite projects, shitposts, etc. I myself started expanding months ago into providing writing advice on diversity and generally writing meta. It’s not a group of angry people yelling slurs at each other like I’ve seen other anti communities do, so I don’t think it’s the right label for me.

2. Stans.

This goes a bit with the connotation point. I feel like, especially because of how I’ve branded myself and because of antis who preceded the current batch, stans really have no idea what I’m about. I have always been clear that I do not wish to attack them or their enjoyment of/engagement with the books. And yet I’m constantly being vagued about, having my words twisted, or having my arguments and blogging style very purposely, transparently ignored/misinterpreted/ridiculed in said vague-blog posts. All this despite stans’ frequent claim that they ~never~ go into anti tags or check out our blogs, and despite their other frequent claim they don’t believe in the anti/stan divide and that we’re more alike than not. I agree that this divide is dumb, but it’s kind of hard to distance myself from it while constantly being thrown under the bus by SJ/M BNFs. I don’t mind anyone viewing or interacting with my posts, because transparency and all, but it’s tiresome to constantly defend myself because I’m being misrepresented by accounts that are 4, 5, 6 times bigger than mine who either don’t know how I run my blog or purposely mischaracterize me. I can’t control other people’s behavior and I don’t want to, but this is a change I’m making for my own mental health and to promote better behavior among both communities, and I hope others follow suit.

3. Things I’ve handled poorly and how I want to do better.

Anyone with an ask blog for a minute inevitably acquires their share of public fuck-ups. I can think of a few instances in which I would have handled a situation differently. For example, a few months ago the community as a whole was asked to expand our conversation to more than just presenting SJ/M and Bardugo as foils, and I wish I’d been less defensive there. That day made me think a lot about the way I carry myself on this blog and how limited the conversation can sometimes be. I really do appreciate any and all criticism for the community, and looking back, I feel like my reaction to that didn’t go along with the way I usually try to handle criticism. I think it would be good to try and, like OP said, infuse more book promotion into my blog in general, to try to support and read more books by marginalized authors in the future so we can discuss them more thoroughly here.

In closing/TL;DR:

This isn’t inspired by any particular event or person, but rather a lot of things that have happened in the past several months on Tumblr, in the world and the media, and in my personal life. It’s not a change that was inspired out of negativity, but more out of trying to generate a more positive framework for my Tumblr activity and seeing how I can effect change through this blog. I’m still here for rants, masterposts calling out problematic books and characters, pretty much all the book talk I was doing before. This is just a really long-winded announcement that I want to expand my blog to a general spot for discussing diversity in media. Thank you so much for sticking it out if you made it all the way down here. Here’s to improving ourselves.

[violentviolette]

i’m not reading all that but as two final points if you think that game was made for queer people you’re dead wrong, it reeks of fetishisation by fujoshis, and thank you for taking the time at least to read the blogs

valid. I did rant for like 5 whole paragraphs but frankly those blogs rly fkn killed me

I dont think it was "made for queer people" in the way that nothing created under capitalism with the intent to generate profit is "made for queer people" but reguardless of motives, the outcome was that I got to be gay in a shitty romance game and that is a rare occurrence. at the end of the day it's a queer inclusive game. u get to not only be gay, but be nonbinary. reguardless of the sincerity of the intentions on part of the dev's, the result is still a queer inclusive romance game.

and like. the points u make are valid, but other people are allowed to feel differently about things. u can find the content inherently fetishizing because it's coming from cis women and not want to engage with it, and that's fine and the right thing to do for u, and I can be used to consuming shit media because I came from a time where we lived off crumbs and sasunaru was Peak Representation so I'm desensitized to bullshit and can still enjoy it. those are both valid things that can coexist

my problem comes not neccesarily with u anon but with people like those blogs. they loose all sight of what's a worthwhile critique of a piece of media, and devolve into grasping at any possible thing that they can coat in sj language and make "problematic" so they can justify their mistreatment of other people and police their fandom space. creating this impossible standard of purity that makes failure inevitable and tearing something apart the goal of consuming it. no human can pass the "six degrees of problematic" that happens these days where if uve ever even liked a tweet by a person who follows someone who's friends with someone who once said something racist than ur a sick freak and disgusting person and u need to be run off the internet. like. every fucking person fails that criteria. but people like this will devote so much time and energy into hating something in a morally superior way and hunt that shit down and then use it to justify harassing other people. and like that's not okay

and the arguments they fall back on are almost always conservative reactionary rhetoric. theyve taken "look at these filthy queers kissing in public. these freaks are exposing minors to sexual content. were just trying to protect the children!" and just replaced "queers" with whatever fits their agenda better that day. couple that with the constant push for stricter and stricter censorship based on arbitrary moral values (because who decides what's not okay to depict? who are u giving that power to? and who has suffered under similar restrictions the most in the past?? because I'll give u a hint, censorship laws never did shit to stop people depicting men beating and raping women but it sure as shit did mean every gay character up until the last 5 years ended up dead or unhappy) and u literally just get conservatives banning books and censoring movies

it's like people really forget that "pedophiles and rapists" used to be dog whistles for queer ppl. and now that same rhetoric has people using them as dog whistles again for content they dont personally approve of and it's absolutely not a coincidence that the content that gets these vicious hate campaigns are always ones that include queer characters. Especially queer characters that are sexual in any way. triply for if theres characters of color, and it's like how are u guys not seeing this??

but I mean, at the end of the day u do u man. i get it if u didnt read all this either but I appreciate u having at the very least a civil back and forth about it. I just cant get behind that level of zealous conservatism, even when it wears a libral hat

[sarcasticfina]

"Please, you can't die now." Bucky to Darcy - go for the real emotional crap. ;)

“You gotta go,” he choked out, an arm banded around his front,blood squelching through the fabric of his tac suit. 

“Forget that.” Darcy looked from the splintered door of theirsad excuse for a hideout back to him, tucked in a corner, metal hand gripping agun both for comfort and safety. “You jump, I jump, remember?” 

He cracked a smile. “Last time I said that, you said youweren’t jumpin’ anywhere without a parachute.” 

“Yeah, well, Stark won’t make me that parachute jacket I keepputting requisitions in for, so I guess I’ll just have to cross my fingers andhope for the best.” 

Bucky stared at her profile. Blood trickled from an open woundthat started at her temple and disappeared into her hair. She was leaning tothe left, even in her crouch, trying to take the pressure off her twisted ankleand her ribs, where she’d been grazed by a bullet. ‘Nothing but a flesh wound,’she’d joked, even as she grimaced, dragging his much heavier body along withhers. She was shit at shooting, but she had one of his back up guns in hand andshe was as prepared as she could be to take out whoever came down thehall. 

“You remember what I taught you?” he wondered, pulling in atacky, rattling breath. 

She paused and looked back at him, pasting on a devilishsmile. “You’re gonna have to be a little more specific.” 

He stared at her a beat– the blue of her eyes, framed in longlashes, and the pink of her lips, a bloody red from where she’d chewed them up.It wasn’t so long ago that she was just another unfamiliar face he had to keepan eye out for. 

( A woman was standing in the kitchen, a poptart in one handand an absurdly large mug of coffee in the other. Her hair was piled on top ofher head, leaning precariously to one side, and her eyes were narrowed intoslits, dark bags underneath them. Rather than greet them, she grunted, and thenwalked off, slippers shuffling across the floor. 

Bucky stared after her. “Who was that?” 

“Darcy,” Steve answered. “She used to be Doctor Foster’sassistant. She works for Pepper now.” 

Sam chuckled. “She got into a Twitter war with Stark, caughtPepper’s eye, and she ended up hiring her. Now she’s the social media coordinator.Darcy’s the reason Stark’s accounts go dark every once in a while. She puts himon time outs when he hasn’t had enough sleep.” 

Bucky hummed. “She lives here, too?”

He didn’t miss how Steve and Sam glanced at each other, but choseto ignore it.

“Yeah, Buck. She’s a couple floors down. She’s got an office on 8,too. If she’s not there, she’s usually in Foster’s lab.”

He crossed the kitchen to pick up the box she’d left behind. “Whatwas that thing she was eating?” 

“A poptart.” A grinning Sam followed after him. “You wanna tryone?” 

Bucky stared at him suspiciously, but nodded. 

“You’re in luck then…” Sam plucked the box out of his hand andturned it around for Bucky to see. Sam in his full Falcon suit was printed onthe front. “You like it extra toasty?” )

After that, he’d see Darcy around but wasn’t sure how to talk toher. She was loud and confident and always seemed to know what she was doing.She was warm and friendly and would talk to anyone. It didn’t matter theenvironment or the group of people, she made herself fit. Whereas he alwaysfelt off and disjointed, like a puzzle piece that was put in the wrong box.

In the end, it was Natasha that suggested he teach Darcy how toshoot. At the very least to defend herself against any possible attack. 

( “It’s Bucky, right? Or do you prefer James?” 

He didn’t jump. He’d heard her footsteps coming for a while. Thecommon room saw a lot of visitors; sometimes he sat there just to get used tobeing around people again. He just wasn’t expecting her to talk to him.“Yeah.” 

She blinked at him. “Yeah you’re okay with Bucky or yeah youprefer James?” 

He pursed his lips. “Bucky’s fine.” 

Her lips twitched. “No argument here.” 

“Huh?” 

Waving a dismissive hand, she moved to take a seat beside him atthe kitchen counter. “Natasha sent me your way. She said you needed totalk to me about something? I hope it’s not about opening an Instagram account,because listen, I’m all for you sharing all of that–” She motioned to hisface, “–with the greater public. But we need to work on your publicpersona a bit. Good looks can only get you so far before people startmaking ‘reasons your fave is problematic’ posts.” 

He stared at her. “I didn’t get half of that,” headmitted. 

“Natasha said you wanted to see me. Let’s start there.” 

He frowned. “Uh, she said you needed training.” 

Darcy stiffened. “I what now?” She pulled back. “Ithought I made it clear in my work contract that I wouldn’t be playing Spy vs.Spy.” She stood. “No. Nope. Not gonna happen. I can’t even jog withoutdoubling up on sports bras. So whatever workout you have in mind, it’s gonnahurt. A lot. Count me out.”

Before she could reach the door, he called out, “Shooting.” 

She paused. “Huh?” 

“I can show you how to shoot. A few defensive moves, too. If youwant.” 

She pivoted back to him, curious. “And that’s it? No fivemile runs or wheatgrass shakes?” 

“The hell is wheatgrass?” 

She grinned. “I like the way you think, Buckster.” 

Confused, and uncomfortable with the fact, he sat up a littlestraighter. “When’re you off work?” 

“What, today? Five, usually.” 

He nodded. “Meet me at the range.”

With a salute, she winked. “You got it.” 

As she walked away, Bucky shook his head. What the hell was hegetting himself into?)

Darcy didn’t take to guns like she did her taser, but he had afeeling that had more to do with wanting to avoid taking human life. She wasthe type of person that stayed behind in a dangerous situation to savevulnerable animals than her own ass. There was a part of him– a very largepart– that admired that about her. He’d seen too much death. His hands werepainted red with it. Nothing he did now could wash that away. It was the samefor a lot of the people on the team. They’d seen and done things they couldn’tget rid of. Couldn’t scrub clean from their memory. So, it was nice to bearound someone who was a little less jaded. 

Getting together with Darcy was never in the plan. Gettingtogether with anyone seemed too far out of reach. Some days, he didn’t feellike a whole person. Fractions and fragments of who he’d been and who he turnedinto, just floating around in a misshapen package. Nobody deserved to put upwith that. But there Darcy was, happy to take on the challenge. 

( “Never took you for a coward, Barnes.” 

He paused at the sound of her voice, flipped the safety on his gunand dropped it on the counter in front of him. Turning to face her, he raisedan eyebrow as she crossed the otherwise empty gun range to meet him. Orchallenge him, more like. “What made you change your mind?” 

She snorted. “Generally, when a woman asks you out for dinnerand you say you’ll be there, you show.” 

Technically, she’d told him she was making spaghetti and if hewanted a bowl, she had an extra chair at her table. He was gonna go. He plannedto. Showered and picked out one of his better shirts to wear. Next thing heknew, he was at the gun range, spaghetti-less.

He looked past her shoulder, focusing on a distant mark on the farwall. “You think I stood you up?” 

Darcy crossed her arms and shrugged. “I think you’re avoiding theinevitable.”

“Yeah? What’s that?” 

“If I have to tell you, then it’s going to take a lot more than mygrandma’s famous spaghetti recipe to knock some sense into you.” 

His gaze darted toward her. “Maybe I lost track oftime.” 

“Or maybe you thought the guns were getting lonely down here.” Sheshrugged. “Look, I’m not going to chase you. If you’re not ready for this, it’scool. But I don’t want to play any ‘will they, won’t they’ games. So, I likeyou. And I think you like me.” She paused. “Do you?” 

His tongue dragged across his lower lip before headmitted, “Yeah.” 

“Okay. Well…” She smiled. “You should do something aboutthat.”

He took a deep breath. “I’m not good at… I don’t remember howto…” 

She nodded and took a step toward him, and thenanother. “It’s okay.” She reached for his hand and folded their fingerstogether. “We can take it slow, figure it out together. Step one…” Shegave his hand a tug. “Spaghetti.” 

He looked down at their hands, and then to her, smiling encouragingly.And he took a step forward. “I can do that.” )

Darcy had to go looking for him at the gun range more than a fewtimes. He was comfortable there. It was familiar. Didn’t matter what gun hepicked up, he always hit what he wanted to hit and where he wanted to hit it.Shooting paper was simple. At various points in his life, shooting people hadbecome too simple. It kept him up some nights. Mostnights, if he was honest. 

He wished he could say that he was all healed up. That a fewyears of therapy and having Steve in his life made up for all that time in cryoor under the thumb of HYDRA. But he was walking scar tissue. Some days werebetter than most. Some days he even believed he could have it all. Othershe just couldn’t.

( “You can talk to me, you know that, right?” 

Bucky looked up to find Steve hovering nearby, that hang-dog lookon his face that reminded Bucky that things were different, that they’d neverbe quite right. That too much time had passed. They’d each done too many thingsto be the people they once were. But, here they were anyway. And even if hesometimes felt like the living embodiment of Steve’s attempt at salvation, itwas better to be here than where he was. 

“I know,” he said. 

“Do you?” 

He looked up, meeting Steve’s heavy gaze.

“I know it’s different. That I didn’t go through what you did. Andmaybe I can’t understand it, not completely. But I want to try, Buck.” He shookhis head. “I’m here. I’m always gonna be right here.” 

Bucky ground his teeth. “Easy to say, not so easy to followthrough with.” 

Steve’s brow furrowed.

“We both know there’s no guarantees out there, not living thislife. The things we do, nothing says for sure we walk away from that fight intact.” His arm whirred, cogs and wheels moving together and apart. “Youwanna be here, I get that. But there are some things you can’t make better. Andneither can I.” 

Steve let out a long, heavy sigh. He crossed his arms in thatdefiant way of his. “I think you’re wrong.” 

“Yeah, well, we won’t know until it’s too late, right?” 

Swallowing tightly, Steve gave a quick jerk of his head. “Theoffer stands. You ever wanna talk about what’s going on in your head…” 

“It’s not always about that. About the past. Sometimes it’s aboutnow. About who I am and what I’m doing… I don’t always think it’s real. ThatI’m probably back there, stuck in cryo, dreaming of better things orsomething.” 

“I’d tell you you’re not, but it doesn’t make much difference,does it?” 

“No.” Bucky stared up at him. “’Cause if it was a dream, you’d saythe same thing.” 

He nodded slowly, knowingly. “What about Darcy?” 

Bucky’s mouth kicked up. “Well, she’s even more proof, isn’t she?What’s a girl like that doing with someone like me?” He shook his head. “She’sexactly what my head would dream up.” 

Steve could do nothing but sigh. )

All things considered, Bucky felt lucky. He could’ve gone a fewmore years, for sure. He had more he wanted to do and see. More he wanted toshow Darcy. More he wanted her to show him. But it could’ve been worse. Hecould’ve died under HYDRA’s control. Could’ve gone the rest of his life neverrealizing what he’d lost or ever getting some semblance of peace.  

( “I can feel you staring,” she mumbled. 

“Can’t sleep.” 

Darcy cracked one eye open to look at him. “And you thoughtmy face might knock you out?” 

He half-smiled. “Didn’t want to wake you up getting out ofbed.” 

Humming, she turned over onto her side and reached for him,hooking an arm around his waist, her fingers drawing circles on his back. “Kindof you. But the intense staring overshadows any good boyfriend marks youmight’ve got for that.” 

“Guess I’ll have to earn ‘em back another way.” 

Stretching, she let out a laugh. “Was that the plan the wholetime? Wake me up for some nookie?” 

He brushed her hair back from her face, fingers tracing down herneck. “Unexpected benefit.” 

She covered his hand with her own and drew it down, pressing akiss to his palm. “You wanna tell me why you can’t sleep?” 

He shook his head faintly. “Not tonight.” He shuffled closerand squeezed her hand. “Rain check.” 

“Rain check,” she agreed. “As long as nookie is still on thetable.” 

He chuckled under his breath. “Always.” )

Bucky shook his memory off and refocused on the present. Darcywith a gun and any number of attackers coming their way. He’d taken out whoeverhe could, but they could’ve called for reinforcements since. 

Much as he complained that her accuracy with a gun wasn’t whatit could be, even a crude wound could give them a little time. For what, hewasn’t sure. The cavalry, maybe. For Steve or Sam or the rest of the mismatchedsuperhero gang to show up and save their sorry asses. 

“You squeeze, don’t–” 

“Don’t pull. I know.” She cast a frown down at the gun and thenpivoted to look at him. “I preferred your other lessons, just FYI.” 

He let out a huff of a snort. “Pretty sure you wereteachin’ me a few things, doll.” 

She grinned slowly. “You kept up.” 

He tipped his head back against a concrete wall and stared ather. Hair in disarray, clothes torn and dirty, spattered with blood (his orhers or someone else’s?). “Never wanted you to end up here…” 

“What, in an abandoned building, fighting off some HYDRAreject?” She shrugged. “The way of life, I guess.” 

He stared, unconvinced.

“Okay, so, not for everyone… But our immediate circle?Definitely.” Darcy shifted, moving across the floor to sit next tohim. “You know this isn’t your fault, right?” 

He grimaced. “Pretty sure they’re not chasing you down oversomething you Twittered.” 

“Tweeted. And yeah, probably not. But it doesn’t matter who they’reafter. Anything they do is on them, not you.” She met his gaze. “I knewwhat I was getting into. And I don’t regret it.” 

He didn’t either. He wished he could tell her just how much, butthe words buckled in his throat and snagged in his teeth. “You deservedbetter.” 

Darcy smiled. “Who said I didn’t find the best?” 

He shook his head, a quick jerk, and looked away. He could feelblood puddling underneath him, warm and wet. He could taste it on his tonguetoo, bubbling up his throat only to be swallowed back down. “You can do alot better than the mess I’ve got in my head.” 

Darcy reached for him, gently brushing his hair back from hisface. “You’re not perfect, Buck. I’m a far cry from it myself. But youmake me happy.” 

He blinked as his eyes burned. “You make me happy, too,” hechoked out hoarsely. 

Darcy frowned. “You’re starting to freak me out. I know thesituation sucks, but the team’s on their way. Sure, things look a littlesticky, but we’ve been in worse, right? Jane’s almost opened three black holesthis year. That felt a lot closer to death than this.” She smiled, but he couldsee her lips trembling. “And don’t even get me started on how many times Stark’sattempts at ‘fixing’ something ended up blowing up in our faces. I’mpretty sure I still have toaster shrapnel in my back.” 

Bucky dropped his gun in his lap to reach for her, metal fingerssmoothing over her cheek. “There’s gotta be a fire exit. If you can get toit, climb to the roof, hop to the next building over. It’ll be tight, but youcan make it. Get as far away as you can, call Steve, he’ll–” 

“Hey, hey, hey…” Darcy shook her head and covered hishand. “We’re getting out of here together.” 

He swallowed tightly. “No.” 

“What do you mean ‘no’?” She glared. “You think some tactically trained Naziassholes are how we go? Absolutely not. I’m making it to 93 and dying on abeach, drinking a Mai Tai and reminiscing about all the fun, crazy shit I did.And you, probably looking way hotter than any 98-year-old should, are going tobe right there with me, you got it?” 

“We gotta be smart. You got a chance here. You can make it ifyou just–” 

“If I what? Huh? If I just leave you behind?” 

He stared up at her, searching her stubborn, scared, angry face. “Listen,doll…” 

“No.” She squeezed his hand. “I’m not leaving you here. Ifthose assholes want you, they’ll get me too. And a face full of lead. BecauseI’m shooting anybody that comes looking.” 

He smiled faintly, mouth curved up on one side. “You aimfor their face, you’ll end up hitting their toes.” 

Darcy rolled her eyes. “Shut up. Besides, I usually aim forthe chest and hit their crotch. It has a lasting effect.” 

He snorted. 

Shuffling closer, Darcy pressed her shoulder to his and droppedher gaze to his arm, still pressed tight across his chest. “You wanna tellme how bad it is?” Before he could reply, she added, “No rain checks thistime.” 

Drawing a deep breath, he admitted, “Not good.” 

Her hand tightened around his, enough that the pressure sensorsalerted him. “Had a good run though.” 

She laughed, thick and cracked. “Did you?” 

“The beginning was pretty good. End wasn’t too bad either.” 

“Sure, just the 70 years in between. A drop in the bucket,really.” 

He half-smiled. “Could’a been worse.” 

Darcy turned to him, her brow furrowed. “Seriously? How?” 

“Could’a been 80.” He stared at her. “Could been a dream.” 

She blinked as her eyes filled. “It’s not fair… You gotout. You got another chance. And now… It’s over?” She shook her head. “Youdeserved better.” 

“I don’t know. I had it pretty good.” He licked his drylips. “I had you, right?” 

Her mouth trembled. “It’s not enough.” 

The pain was gone. It was a relief, even though he knew what itmeant. “It was plenty. Lot more than I ever thought I’d get.” More thanhe’d thought he deserved for a long while. 

“Bucky…” She turned over and pushed onto her knees. “Youcan’t go, okay? Steve needs you. I need you.” She put her gun aside and cupped his face, her thumbsstroking across the high arch of his cheeks. “I know I pretend nothing bothersme, but it does. Everything scares me. Growing up, natural disasters, heights,spiders, love. Being with you put a lot of that to test. It made me into abetter person. A stronger person. And I like to think it did the same for you.I think it still could. But you need to be here for that, okay?” 

He wanted to. God, he wanted to, so damn much. But his visionwas darkening around the edges and his body was growing number by the second.He coughed then, his chest jerking forward and blood dribbling down his chin. “Darce…” 

She let out a strangled noise. “No, please, you can’t dienow…” She leaned in, pressing her forehead to his. “It’s just the beginning.” 

He squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed down the burning lumpbuilding in his throat. “Rain check, all right?”

With a strangled sob, Darcy nodded. “Rain check.”

He could hear thumping footsteps and muffled voices calling toeach other in the hallway then. He pulled in a deep breath, his heartstuttering, and he pushed his gun into her hand, staring up at her meaningfully. 

Darcy stared back for a beat. Stubborn and wild and wearing hertears like war paint. She pressed a kiss to his forehead and his cheek and hislips, and then she stood, raising both guns as she went.

What was left of the door flew open and bullets startedflying. 

Darcy’s war cry echoed in his ears, the last thing he heard before it all went dark.

[tinymixtapes]

Music Review: Alan Vega - IT

Alan Vega IT [FADER; 2017] Rating: 4.5/5 The infamous early performances of Suicide are understood to be foundational events that set the bar for shock-punk extremity. As Henry Rollins stated a year ago in the official public announcement of Alan Vega’s death, “[Suicide’s] confrontational live performances, light-years before Punk Rock, are the stuff of legend.” These performances (along with the preceding efforts of The Stooges) ushered in a lineage of shock-rock egos purporting hypotheses for experimentation with violent confrontation, social sculpture, hierarchical relations, and rock & roll as their interests. These now tired and problematized theses have had their moments: Suicide’s eventual colleague James Chance physically confronted apathetic audiences just before harsh noise pioneers Hanatarash and Hijokaidan brought threat levels to a peak with explosives, projectiles, bulldozers, and urination. These theses may have met maximum attention in the mid-80s when artists like GG Allin and The Mentors regularly appeared on daytime talkshows to gleefully debate their violence with angry and bewildered parents. At their worst, these experiments in shock rock were backed by a familiar argument: an artist inflicting violence for the sake of truth. “Twentieth century art movements were veritably obsessed with diagnosing injustice and alienation, and prescribing various ‘shock and awe’ treatments to cure us of them — a method Austrian filmmaker Michael Haneke usefully, if revoltingly described in a 2007 interview as ‘raping the viewer into independence,’” notes writer Maggie Nelson in The Art of Cruelty. Nelson argues that performative cruelty is generally only more irritating when its actors propose it is for their viewer’s good. When such a harbinger appears, he implies that he not only knows what is wrong with his audience, but also what will cure them. It is with this attitude that GG Allin appropriated the punk ethos of anti-consumerism and anti-puritanism and proposed that his concoction of irreverence and violence was the pill to solve it all. A similar attitude carries Sun Kil Moon’s Mark Kozelek through his own verbal abuse. He once advised to Guardian journalist Laura Snapes, “Listen to your elders. I’m 48 and I have wisdom. I’ve seen girls laid out on the street with an ambulance picking them up because they are crossing the street with those stupid headphones on.” This already demeaning piece of advice came before he publicly called out its recipient by name in front of an audience of 1,900 (of which she was not a part). Kozelek finds himself consistently bemoaning journalists, reporters, and commentators for the simple reportage and speculation upon his own speech. The irony of his (as well as many others’) grumblings about the truth is that he won’t have it fed back to him. Of course, such an attitude is nothing new; Nelson quotes painter Francis Bacon stating in 1966, “people tend to be offended by facts, or what used to be called truth.” Here tells the 79-year-old Vega — in anticipation of his own death, writing, recording, and performing in spite of it — “the truth is dead… the saint is dead… the motorcycle explodes.” Vega doesn’t beat around the bush. Within the dark cityscape of IT, there are eight different proclamations of death spoken with the same structure: “the [creature/man/brotherhood/skull/ghost/truth/saint/blaze] is dead.” This is not to mention the provocation that introduces the album, delivered with the nonchalance of Drake letting loose an acronym (e.g. “YOLO,” “HYFR”), Vega snickers, “DTM. Dead To Me.” It is this very nonchalance that carries Vega through the drama of IT without the faintest pretension. Listening to the album, I never had the feeling that a promise of horror went undelivered. Instead, the album’s mild horror lurched from a presence, as if to say, “it is what it is.” Vega’s stake on truth is an effect of his adherence to simple sentences and present tense. The album’s title track, for example, screams, “It has a gun/ It is ready/ To kill somebody/ The killer is close/ You can smell it/ The weapon is loaded.” These disaffected proclamations meet some of the harshest yet most vibrant instrumentals to support Vega’s voice to date (production is credited to Vega and his wife/frequent collaborator Elizabeth Lamere). Exempting a few moments of punctuation — the sudden drop and spattering that occurs five minutes into album-opener “DTM;” the butchering edits that close “IT” before Vega’s voice is lost to a vacuum — the music enables Vega’s voice as his best accompanists have: providing the expository setting and minimalistic bedding necessary for Vega to project his scene upon and float above. His delivery will sound strange to those unfamiliar, but it will be oddly cozy to those who have known it all along. Vega is at his most animated and affected on “Motorcycle Explodes,” a song that represents, if not Vega’s own death, the death of his image. It begins with a dry howl that effectively carries the horror of his trademark “Frankie Teardrop” shrieks. The song’s subject can be none other than Ghost Rider, the figure that opened Suicide’s discography four decades ago and provided the band its name. “[T]he ghost is dead, the truth is dead/ At rocket speed, subhuman,” Vega shouts, imagining the rider killed by his ride, his only point of relation to his surroundings. This represents Vega’s point of simultaneous reflection and collapse, a marker at which the relationship between his art and his life can maintain conversation no longer (Rollins: “Alan’s life is a lesson of what it is to truly live for art. The work, the incredible amount of time required, the courage to keep seeing it and the strength to bring it forth — this was Alan Vega.”) The album’s coda — “Prayer,” “Prophecy,” and “Stars” — is both cruel and forgiving. More or less a kick in the ass. “Prophecy” begins as a direct reflection, “Been kicked hard/ Friggin punched out/ Pushed into cement walls/ Got a bloody head/ Blood is dripping down my face.” Then he hands off his experience, “I’m bruised everywhere/ It’s happened before/ In the street/ On the stage/ And it will/ Happen again/ Yeah tremendous over/ And over and over and over/ Again/ It’s my prophecy.” Vega universalizes his defiance. “Over and over and over and over again” cannot be contained within one life. The care with which he delivers these lines, the lack of audacity, allows their recipient inclusion. “I will get up/ I will survive,” he continues, “I will go on and on and on/ So fuck you killers/ Fuck you/ I stand/ It’s my prophecy.” With that, Vega hands off his spirit and his legacy. The next words we are gracefully given, “It’s yours, It’s your life/ It’s your given hand.” --- G.G. Allin once threatened to the audience of The Jane Whitney daytime talk show, “your kids are my kids.” When he said this, he was suggesting a battle over ideology. He felt the very real power an artist may have to stake a claim over another’s subject formation. IT, in all of its auditory abuse and bleak imagery, shows no such ambition. The burden Vega bestows is the act of engaging with the world as he has: experimental in art as in life, such that the two converge. Vega’s interest in cruelty arose from an interest in how a social space could be transformed by a single action that none before had thought possible. In Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk, he recalls seeing The Stooges: “[Iggy] went to sing and he just pukes all over, man. He’s running through the audience and shit … staring at the crowd and going ‘Fuck you! Fuck you!’… It was one of the greatest shows I ever saw in my life. It changed my life, because it made me realize everything I was doing was bullshit.” Of course, venue violence is no longer interesting. Beyond that, it is increasingly a very real threat. Perhaps it is no coincidence that IT’s cover appears to be an EXIT sign severed by the camera, marking Vega’s exit with a material affirmation. This simple transformation echoes the legend that Vega, at Suicide’s early performances, used to cause himself to bleed amidst Martin Rev’s cacophony, only to block the rear exits so audiences could not flee. Amidst the fires, shootings, and bombings that have unfortunately become a familiar part of our musical landscape, such a stunt is no longer respectable. On the other side of four decade’s growth sits IT with its intentions intensified and redirected. The sign half-visible on the cover does not obfuscate the way out. Transformed, it encourages consciousness, directness, and presence — nothing more. http://j.mp/2h1JvFw

[awhalenamedjonah]

On Punching Nazis

I'm probably gonna regret making this post as soon as a bunch of random tumblr blogs I've never interacted with suddenly fill my inbox with some great arguments about how I should kill myself (which is reason #1 why I don't get involved in stupid tumblr discourse) but this is something that's almost definitely going to have an effect on me and/or the people around me soon regardless, so I might as well get my stupid opinion out there.

Somehow this is a controversial opinion but...maybe...punching Nazis...is bad sometimes.

I'm sure everyone stopped reading already to unfollow me and tell their friends what a fucking idiot this guy on tumblr is for being a Nazi Sympathizer™ and an Alt-Right Neo-Nazi™, and a Hyper-Conservative Trump Supporter™ (I am none of those things). In my opinion Richard Spencer did deserve a solid punch in the face or fifty, but that's not the problem I have here. Encouraging everyone to Go Punch a Nazi in order to Keep Racists Afraid is a bad idea for everyone on all sides of this situation. So, begin rant proper.

In my experience with the internet, I've been told that everyone with a political opinion (read: everyone on earth) is somehow in support of a mass genocide or something nearly as sinister. Westboro Baptist Church types yelling about how The Gays are trying to destroy society with their wretched sinfulness, for instance. Recently, I learned from the ever-wise internet that all police officers (and those that support them) are pushing an agenda of inner-city racial extermination. I was told around the same time that Black Lives Matter just want to kill all whites. Currently I'm being told that everyone that the internet called "Alt-Right" is actually a white supremacist who wants all colored people to get out of the country or be lynched. This isn't an internet-exclusive phenomenon, either; when I was a kid there were plenty of protesters against abortion who claimed all left-wing pro-choice voters were in favor of mass slaughter of babies. Gee, maybe a tiny exaggeration there.

There's a very simple line of reasoning all of these hyperbole-filled generalizations follow, and it's always filled with fueled by the innate desire to be "the good guy" as well as the tendency humans have to paint a group as a singular opposed entity to the True Righteous Path that I, the most enlightened, follow. Here's my understanding of the chain of events. See if this seems familiar to you:

You have two groups that have differing political opinions. Usually fairly big ones. Obviously as usual there's mudslinging but it's the normal shit.

A bunch of specific bad individuals (neo-Nazis, pedophiles, looters, people who think the new series of Berserk is good) start sticking out from either crowd. This is always (and I mean always) a minority faction within the group, at most.

The media (or social media) highlights these gross people exclusively, to cast the entire group in a negative light. These individuals' views become Their views. Everyone in the group that's reasonable gets painted with the same brush. It becomes "Us Versus Them" now that it's confirmed all the people who disagree with you are (Nazis, pedos, looters, attracted to Benedict Cumberbatch)

A call to action against these vile (Nazis, pedos, looters, gen 1ers). Sometimes this involves violence (Punch a Nazi!) sometimes just protest, but it's almost always a gross overreaction.

Suddenly a huge group of people with primarily moderate views are conflated with extremists. Sometimes people will specifically defend this generalization by saying the moderates are “enabling” the minority (even if most people strongly oppose the beliefs of said vocal minority). This is where people get off saying that “whiteness” is inherently problematic.

Ironically this almost always leads to a fifth step where the vocal minority who are touted as the majority suddenly become empowered by the media rhetoric and thinks everyone actually does agree with their awful beliefs. The smaller minority that once quietly agreed now find the platform for their beliefs and the minority gets larger. A bunch of people who formerly kept it to themselves suddenly hear about how millions of voters are extremist homophobic sexist racists and collectively say "I'm not the only one who believes gays belong in internment camps! I've found a group to voice my opinions!" Then these people with newfound support start shooting cops or holding neo-nazi rallies.

You can probably think of at least a few specific examples immediately. Some of you are mentally tagging this #black lives matter and some of you are tagging it #gamergate and that alone is a good example of how this same bullshit happens to two distinctly different crowds. I’ll use those two as examples, as much as I never ever wanted to talk about gamergate again.

I remember being on Twitter almost 24/7 when shit was going down in Ferguson and being completely floored by how the mainstream media was exclusively showing burned-out buildings and using the phrase "riots" left and right. Meanwhile I was watching dozens of on-site sources post live video of huge silent crowds standing firm and not instigating anything. To the people disconnected from it, it sure seemed like the people of Ferguson were a bunch of thugs and looters and rioters just itching for an excuse to punch a cop. Meanwhile the sane protesters in the town were forming living barriers around buildings to stop arsonists and looters from doing any more damage-- but the effect of the media spin was long done by then and to this day people still have completely fabricated ideas of what happened there. And of course this painted future protests the same way. They escalated until the rational and sane people started coming out less and the riled violent crowds became exactly what the media said they were: rioters. Bam, now you have cops getting shot from rooftops and the media succeeded in minimizing the original message of BLM. Now I'm not sure if most of the remaining BLM protesters are actual violent criminals or if the media is just twisting it that way, because the truth is so blurred-- either way there's no way I'm ever associating with that particular group now that they're branded terrorists.

I also remember being on Twitter almost 24/7 when shit was going down in the #gamergate hashtag. Everyone I knew was talking about how ridiculously stupid and elitist gaming journalism had gotten, but a bizarre twist happened in which everyone seemingly decided that it was actually about how sexist gamers are and how badly they want women to leave game development. Legitimately awful humans like Milo Yiannopoulos [insert sound of vomiting here] suddenly got a surge of new followers because on a surface level they supported the original argument (that game journalism had become too elitist and started becoming a circlejerk about the writers' Superior Artistic Taste and Moral Uprightness) but were in it for less savory reasons than to support a reform of the gaming media's journalistic ethics. Suddenly the discussion was all about sexism instead of the original point, and anyone who made a post at the beginning of it like "maybe videogame journos should be required to be actually good at videogames #gamergate" are suddenly sexist and a social media terrorist. To the people disconnected from it, it sure seemed like the gamergate crowd were a bunch of sexists and racists just itching for an excuse to drive women out of gaming. Meanwhile the sane gamergaters involved were getting new gaming sites started and promoting up-and-coming journalists (some of whom quickly got hired by major gaming sites like The Escapist)-- but the effect of the media spin was long done by then and to this day people still have completely fabricated ideas of what happened there. Now I'm not sure if most of the remaining #gamergate supporters are actual sexist lunatics or if the media is just twisting it that way, because the truth is so blurred-- either way there's no way I'm ever associating with that particular group now that they're branded terrorists.

Currently the big one is a huge group of people being thrown into the category of "Alt-Right" for a variety of reasons, varying from actual neo-nazi affiliation to having an anime character for a Twitter avatar. I see legitimate media outlets refer to "anime avatars" as a prominent warning sign of white supremacists, and if that isn't a sign of some hyper-generalization I don't know what is.

Now back to the point of this, which you've probably gathered by now if you're not completely fucking dense. It’s simple: Telling people to punch Nazis isn't the best idea, because nobody can agree on who actually is a Nazi. I've seen people get called a Nazi constantly over a decade on the internet, for reasons such as supporting communism (lol what), voting for Trump, being anti-abortion, or watching Axis Powers: Hetalia.

If you expect the general internet-using public to exercise restraint when told to “Punch a Nazi,” then you're either new to the internet or legitimately insane. If the former: Welcome! We have tons of great porn here. Click this link! Also don't ever Google "meatspin," "goatse," or "lemon party."

Get ready to see a lot of people who voted for Trump get punched in the face for no good reason. If that sentence makes you respond “voting for Trump is a good reason,” you’ve instantly proven my point.

Meanwhile Trump and his supporters get more and more of the evidence they need that anti-Trump protestors are violent criminals.

This isn’t going to end well.

[theliterateape]

Cancellation is Now an Equal Opportunity Equation

by Don Hall

Holy Shit.

The hysteria. The hand-wringing. The hair-shirt rending.

Everyone is now in danger. Not from police violence (although that certainly affects approximately two percent of the American population). Not from mass shootings (likewise affecting slightly less than one percent in 2021). Not even from mosquitos (which annually kill about five percent of the population).

Everyone is now in danger...of cancellation.

Here is the distinction that saves the term cancellation from uselessness and hypocrisy: Cancellation is not criticism; cancellation is the absence of criticism. It is the replacement of criticism with a summary punishment. The punishment ranges in seriousness and could include withdrawal of a job or just an invitation, but the salient point is that it is meted out instantly and without deliberation, often as the result of a mob action. When this switcheroo becomes a habit, the normal way of doing things, we can call that “cancel culture,” and it is indeed a sign of intellectual and institutional rot. The failure to distinguish cancellation from criticism is the source of the humor in V. S. Naipaul’s quip after the Ayatollah Khomeini dispatched assassins to kill Salman Rushdie for writing The Satanic Verses. Naipaul called Khomeini’s fatwa “a most extreme form of literary criticism.”

SOURCE

Gina Carano—Fired by Disney after posting on social media that being a Republican in 2021 was similar to being Jewish during Nazi Germany. Her Hollywood agent dropped her, and Hasbro scrapped her Star Wars action figure.

Emily Wilder—The AP Reporter with pro-Palestine inclinations was fired from the AP Arizona beat over tweets during the latest version of the Middle East "let's fight to the death for some fictionalized holy ground" skirmish.

Antonio Garcia Martinez—Hired by Apple. Company knew all about his tech memoir. 2,000 out 250,000 Apple employees signed a petition claiming his book made them feel “unsafe”. He was fired three weeks later.

Al Franken—Probably the earliest example of the right mobbing up to cancel a sitting Senator with massive Progressive street cred, Franken was taken down by the very people he was aggressively working for.

The Right was always a fan of cancellation in whatever forms they could create and use. The Right has been cancelling and mobbing people and companies for as long as I can remember—public shame is a chapter heading in the How to Be a Republican playbook for generations. The Left is now wielding it with a vengeance, citing the bold statement "When they go low, we do exactly what they do because it works". 

Everyone is a victim. Everyone is being held accountable by the neighborhood watch, various Karens, and those cancelled are left with no jobs, soiled reputations, and a bitter anger at the moralistic pinings of hypocrites have one other thing in common: their full story is never explored because to look more deeply would reveal the ugly high school mechanations of the practice as a whole.

If asked, most people in and around Chicago would parrot one of my close friend's answers when asked why I moved to the desert: "He burned too many bridges." Others, including my Literate ApeCast co-host, will skate around it but confirm that I was, indeed, cancelled by an online storyteller mob of about fifty. Due to the very nature of cancellation, it doesn't matter if any of this is true.

Does it matter that the storytelling behemoth organization didn't fire me but asked me to take a five-month break so things could die down and I refused? Does it matter that the situation at the public radio station had been strained a full year before the caustic, opportunistic chihuahua went lunatic? Does it matter that Dana and I had been talking about our "been here, done that, and fuck, I'm tired of the cold" yearning to leave Chicago for at least a solid six months before the ugly reputation burning began?

Nope.

See, that's not in the nature of the thing. "...the salient point is that it is meted out instantly and without deliberation, often as the result of a mob action." Once the mob is satisfied, it moves on to the next shiny object like the seagulls in Finding Nemo.

This was [throat clear] problematic when the Far Left decided it was a grand new weapon against the phantom enemies of the lived experience narrative but the Far Right has caught up. Both sides of this ideological culture war are cancelling people like a Whack-a-Mole game. The argument that this is simply about holding people accountable is a leaky boat with no oars.

This is about revenge and power. Revenge in the case of individuals publicly called out by other individuals; power in the case of groups going after institutions and corporations. Further, it is not up to individuals to effectively reign it in—this is entirely up to the institutions and corporate boards allowing the cancelling its teeth.

In the 90s, I ran a theater company. Started as a sketch comedy group, fell apart, and my response was to apply and secure nonprofit corporation status. I was the Executive Director on paper, the only Producer in reality. I was also a director, a performer, the chief marketer, the public relations guy, and the janitor. When there were personnel issues, I was the HR department.

At one point, three of the women in the company came to me and threatened to leave if a single individual, whom they accused of being a sexual predator, was allowed to stay. On the most microscopic of levels, this was a cancelling. Small group demanding the ouster of an individual on moral grounds or else.

I took their accusations seriously. I listened. No specifics of behavior that would be considered illegal or without the possibility of misunderstanding were presented. The dude was creepy. He hugged ladies a tad too long for comfort. He gave unsolicited back rubs. He said things to the women that they felt were inappropriate. He complimented them too much.

"Look," I told them. "I'm not one to negotiate with demands. Ultimatums are a bad faith approach so I won't cave to yours. That said, I'd like you to give me a chance to talk to him and try to instruct him on his behavior. If it doesn't improve in a month, I'll dump him."

They didn't like it, they bitched some more, but they agreed. I spoke with him, allowed him to explain himself, gave him the new rules governing his behavior, and he towed that line. I'd check in with the women every six weeks or so (I marked a reminder on my calendar) and each time for nearly a year, they indicated that he had changed his ways and that it was good.

When AP is confronted by a bunch of FOX News retards calling for Emily Wilder to be fired for her anti-Israel politicking? "Thanks for your concern. We'll take a look into it and if we deem it necessary to discuss the matter with our employee, we'll take care of it. If that's unacceptable, don't read our award-winning shit, fuck-os."

When Disney gets hit with people completely apoplectic about one of their Star Wars actors comparing her existence with Holocaust survivors? "Thanks for your concerns. While a completely stupid thing to tweet as Holocaust survivors rarely got million-dollar contracts to play a space ranger, we think we'll just yell at her some for being a public dipshit and leave it at that."

Being unpopular is not fatal (unless you were born after 1995). Mega-corporations losing the support of a slice of their consuming public because they believe they wield some magical Twitter power that Coca Cola or the NFL can't outspend by trillions of dollars isn't really worth the time it takes to fire someone.

Does this mean Matt Lauer shouldn't have been fired? No, the dude had a secret lock on his office door to trap chicks in there! Kevin Spacey? Yo, buyer beware. The Pharma Boy? Fuck that guy.

It means that, Christ, everyone has a beef and everyone is looking for power and most people haven't crossed the line from harmless offense to Third Reich Activity Club. Dispassionately understanding the difference between dumping toxic waste in the river that poisons a town and culturally appropriating yoga seems pretty obvious but what do I know? I'm an adult who refuses to play the game set forth.

The best outcome for this whole new (old, really old, been going on this way for centuries) cancellation thing is that the most histrionic on both sides of Crazy Town manage to cancel each other.

[livefromhouseatlantic]

Chain Breaking, pt 9

So, last entry, I talked about detail. I feel as though I’m conscious of a lot. It gets to feel like a lot in most situations. In a general sense, day to day, I operate fine. I’m aware of things, but overall, I’m okay. My reading of people, I think, helps me to actually have some pretty decent people skills overall. I’m always aware of conventions, I have an idea of people’s expectations in a conversation with me (as anyone probably does), I can match somebody in terms of communication style (thanks, call centre training and university education) more or less effortlessly. It can, however, become problematic when I start to “notice” something that I might interpret in a way that makes me insecure. I put “notice” in quotation marks because I definitely am aware that the “detail” that I might have noticed could be completely contrived. I’m so used to paying attention to people and also so used to being insecure that something that might be completely unintentional on your part gets logged, cataloged, analyzed and (likely) totally distorted by me on my end. 

The term I’m going to use for this, the distortions and everything, is “stuck”. I'll get into this a bit more later, but I wouldn't call these moments I have panic attacks or anything. While I realize they aren't all like this, my own experience with panic attacks has largely involved a lot of screaming, crying, and trouble breathing. This is not quite the same.

Anyway. “Detail” for me doesn’t stop with what I just pick up passively. Terms used at work for me include “hyper aware” and “meticulous”, “perfectionist”, and “by the book”. Part of what makes me good at my job is that I’m never really turned off. I’m constantly on the lookout for more information and can’t help but notice minute details. I've always noticed that when I get "stuck", either in the past or the present day, I'm driven to collect more information. I need to know more. Say we have an argument. I probably won't ask you about it directly. But I'll watch. Back in the day, it would have been looking at those old MSN status bars (remember those, my millennials?) Or your MySpace. In today's day and age, it's Snapchat stories, Twitter feeds, tumblr feeds, etc etc. It's either I want to know if you're subtweeting or just what you're up to in the day. It's morbid curiosity, I suppose, but I'm not able to ignore my impulse, even when I know it's maybe not the best idea. The way I am, I'll look you up and connect dots that might not have anything to do with each other. Then I'll get even more sad/upset, and the cycle just repeats. And repeats. And repeats.

I used the term “impulse”. Lack of information is detrimental to me. I may have mentioned this - I’m a card dealer in my local casino. Ideally, I won’t deal a new game at work without hours of practice. If I don’t get that, I freak out. I’m talking closer to panic. Jittery, sweating profusely, shaking, beet red, barely speaking. I need to know everything about what I’m doing. Part of that is definitely stage fright, since I’m in front of the public to deal. But I can say for sure it’s not all stage fright, because I get the same kind of feelings (to a lesser degree) when I get "stuck" outside of work. Surprises tend to scare me, because I assume the worst in most (if not all) situations. So if I become aware of a surprise, I’ve gone over the worst in my head. You need to talk to me about something? You’re mad at me. You’ve had a bad day? It’s my fault somehow even if I haven’t spoken to you today. (Maybe because I haven’t spoken to you today.) You haven’t spoken to me today? You hate me, I’ll never get to talk to you again because I fucked it up somehow. You want to take me to a movie? You’re breaking up with me while we’re there. We just had sex? You’re going to leave because I’m not good enough, or because I’m unattractive, something. You get the idea. Whatever the circumstances, I feel that somehow knowing more about it will soften the blow, or something. It doesn’t, at all. But looking or not, the results are more or less the same, I’m just more upset if I somehow manage to ignore a situation that may have popped up on my increasingly overworked radar.

I am aware that this is what Dr. David Burns, in his book The New Mood Therapy, could definitely be called a “fortune teller” thinking trap. For those who aren’t familiar with his work, “thinking traps” are patterns of thought that trap us in anxious thoughts. The brain essentially gets stuck (see what I did there?) and goes into a tailspin over something. “Tailspins” is the term I’m using informally, and can include episodes bouts of depression, or anxiety, or panic attacks. These might be prolonged or episodic in nature. There are other such traps that he describes and there’s a lot of resources that discuss these sorts of traps, and means of trying to overcome them, though if you find yourself doing any of the ones listed, it never hurts to talk to a therapist about them (don’t use my example as a means of warning you off of them. I’m still trying. It’s work. I’ll get there eventually if I keep at it.) I’m also aware that I am not able to see the future. To quote my favourite fiction, Gandalf says that “not even the very Wise can see all ends.” And that dude was a fucking demigod. With that being said, I’m the type of guy you want to talk to for possible outcomes if I know you well enough. You’re my friend, and you have a problem? Give me a few seconds to think about it. I’ll consider what I know about you, what I know about your circumstances, what I know about all of the actors in whatever situation you find yourself in, their motivations vs yours, their wants vs what I think might be your needs; I’ll collate all of that together, factor in what I know about how you’re feeling in the present moment, and I can cover most bases for what could logically follow, as well as a bunch of other possibilities that are totally fanciful and likely just built out of my worries for you. As mentioned before, I try to be honest. Speaking honestly, when I get told of a development in someone’s life - nothing really full on surprises me. It all makes sense if you think about it enough. 

It is beyond frustrating to me, I might add, that even though I will freely admit that I’ve got nothing special going on and can’t see the future any better than anyone else can (which is to say, not at all), I will still come to a conclusion that the absolute worst thing I can imagine will happen and nothing I can say or do really seems to shift my belief for more than a minute or two at a time. I’m decided the worst is going to happen. That’s pretty much it. And then I will search around and pry and look to try and confirm my certainty, as mentioned above, where I’ll just connect dots and jump to conclusions, but instead of going “oh, okay, the worst is definitely happening, I can accept it now.” my brain then doubles down and goes something like “holy shit!! The! Worst! Is! Happening! Sound the alarm!!!!!!” and then I can’t think about anything else. All the while, I’m still aware that none of what I’m doing makes any sense and I’m just hurting myself more. Dual track thinking, you see. But I can’t ever seem to stop it. And that frustrates me. So then, I get mad at myself, and start berating myself, so even if I’ve got two, or three, or more tracks running in my head at the same time, they all kind of lead to the same conclusion: that I kind of suck. And it just repeats...

I’d also like to point something out again - in a lot of situations, when I do end up getting stuck, I have a tendency to avoid directly talking to the person or persons involved. Take yesterday, as an example. I had pretty much convinced myself by the time I’d eaten breakfast (I work night shifts, so that’s 5PM and dinner time for some of you daywalkers out there) that no one really wanted to talk to me. Not a single person. Why? Well, I was getting “left on read” or just not being gotten back to by many. Logically, I’ll tell you why that probably was - because it’s 5 PM and normal folks are either still at work, just getting off of their shifts, having dinner, or doing a whole host of other things that don’t involve talking to me. I am, after all, not the centre of the universe. People don’t need to get back to me right away or at all. And that’s totally okay. I don’t actually fault anyone for that. I kind of fault me for what’s happening in my head, that’s about it. This is my problem. I mentioned it to no one, because, frankly, it’s like I pointed out in my last entry - that would be insane. If days go by and I feel like you’re ignoring me, I’ll ask you about it. I mean, by then, I’ve been hanging on to days of worry about the subject, so I feel a little sick to even consider it, but I’ll try to be calm and low key about it, because really, it’s the first time you’re hearing about it. That isn’t your fault. It’s not quite mine either - like, I don’t want to worry myself sick. I’d really rather not. I just can’t seem to help it. Nothing, to date, has really managed to stop these patterns of thought completely.

I’m trying to get better at asking for clarification when talking to people before I get totally stuck, but I think I might not do that anymore. I don’t know that I want a lot of awareness of just how much of a problem I’m having here. (Quick interlude. I say that, yet here I am posting all this shit on a public blog. I really can’t help but chuckle at the cognitive dissonance there.) It makes me feel vulnerable. And I can’t shake the impression that anyone who I know that sees these is just going to write me off as crazy and a total waste of time. I kind of regret telling people that I’ve put these up. I’ve already been proven wrong once, at least one person has taken the time to read these, which trumped my earlier belief that no one would. Suppose more do?

[sonotalady]

I have a question. Why haven’t we canceled Azealia Banks yet?

We have canceled many other celebrities for less and even questioned their mental stability but Bank’s flip-flopping ass seems to be allowed time and time again to be the face of the word “toxic” and “hypocrisy,” yet we just let her slide on through until her next episode.

The alleged musician (yes, alleged) has openly called herself a racist, openly been a homophobe, and consistently degrades black men and black women, and for some reason, people still try to rationalize her erratic behavior. Get sis some help. We want to get Chris Brown help, we want to get Kanye West help, we kicked out Omorasa (I still can’t spell her name even though it’s a google search away), Stacy Dash and Ben Carson, but nobody bats an eye at Azealia who embodies each of these people…except Chris because she hasn’t been in a domestic violence scandal (yet). I mean, sis didn’t event trend properly today.

If you’re not up to date with her shenanigans, let me walk you through it. Let’s start with most recently, her beef with Belcalis (Cardi B), and it’s not the first time she has attacked Cardi either. According to Bank’s argument, Cardi is a caricature of black women (despite being black herself) and apparently, black women cannot behave like Cardi and make it far. I mean, Tiffany Haddish literally becoming famous for pissing on people in a movie be damned, and to hell with Lil Kim’s entire essence back in the day (I still want her Got Dick shirt), and I mean we can just forget about Trina’s neck, her back, her pussy and her crack. Frankly, maybe if Bank’s focused on her career and being true to herself WITHOUT shitting on other people maybe, just maybe she too could be a proud, carefree black woman.

Banks is obviously not happy with herself and is projecting her insecurities onto other artists. Her lack of stardom without having someone’s name attached to the headline bothers her. Think about the last time you’ve seen Bank’s name in the news without someone else there. The only people who really care about her are her trash fans, and gossip blogs (myself included. I had time today).

And while the media has a strong bias for people of color, Bank’s issue is majorly her own fault. She’s just an unpleasant person. She attacks you today then loves you tomorrow. She loves you Wednesday then shits on you at 11:59 p.m. that same day. We saw that when she professed her love for Donald Trump, and then turned around recently and said he’s making a mockery of the presidency. Which is it Banks? Which is it? No one trusts her. She probably can’t turn her back on herself.

But let’s look at Bank’s hypocrisy response by response so you can see how vapid this woman truly is.

Let’s start with Trump:

Banks in her interview on the Problematic Brunch (The Breakfast Club) said: “Everybody keeps trying to pin this love for Trump on me, [but] that wasn’t the point,” Banks, around the 28-minute mark, said. “It was more so just about the tax break. I feel like the system’s the same on both sides, you know, no matter who you’re voting for. The American Dream, it rests on a systematically oppressed underclass . . . That’s just the name of the game, so either way you go, somebody’s getting fucked. Wouldn’t you wanna get a couple extra, like, 30 thousand dollars back on your tax return? You’re getting fucked either way.”

While Kanye was sharing Dragon Energy with Trump, she also had a few anti-trump words to say:

“No @kimkardashian Kanye is not ahead of his time. I said alllll of these things during the election. I had an actual reason for it. Never once did I call trump a good person or say he deserves ‘love’. Y’all are aggravating the black people at the expense of dragging their outrage into more clicks/streams etc for whatever Kanye is about to drop.”

“Outrage is internet engagement algorithm 101, y’all are not slick,” Banks continued. “Nothing at all profound, necessary or eloquent about anything your husband says. I wish you would make him read a book cover to cover before you send that black man into a world of white people with such base level theories as well as his very limited vernacular as pertaining to any of the pseudo-intellectual things he tries to say.”

“Kanye will never be the president and you will never ever be the First Lady. Give it up sis.”

But Prior to this, Banks was actually a proud supporter of Trump:

“First off, I would like to apologize to Donald Trump for all the stupid jokes I made. (I was kidding). secondly, I would like to apologize for all the other times I was dumb enough to let the liberal media sway my opinion of you. Thirdly I’m fucking proud as FUCK of you. One for being a gemini, two for being from NYC, three for winning the presidency and four for beating the media. The last part is your biggest victory in my eyes and I must say that I am TRULY inspired by this and feel deep amounts of vindication. Thanks for letting me know that I’m not crazy (even though I fronted a few times) liberals run hollywood and it’s been a COLD WORLD OUT HERE FOR ME AS A TRUMP SUPPORTER 😹. Best of luck on everything and thanks again. Sincerely – AB #TRUMP2017”

But don’t worry, true to her nature, she took those word back later:

“I made a major mistake endorsing toupey-toupee. Women’s rights are important and we must protect them. I tried … I reached … I even carried … I take it all back,” Banks wrote, adding that she “feels so dumb” and vows to “never mix music and politics ever again.” Oh, and also, she’s signing a record deal with RZA. 

Oh, but while women’s rights are important, she also wished gang rape on Sarah Palin.

Quick note: Majority of her outbreaks happen when she’s making music moves. Funny, considering she called Kanye out on his Publicity stunts. But moving along.

During this same year in May, Azealia admitted that she was racist while professing her support for Trump:

“So am I ! …. lol. Racism/Racialism is sewn into the fabric of our nation. It’s just who the f— we are,” she started, followed by “Trying to be all PC and pretending as if we aren’t racial/racist is not good for culture. Censorship is boring” and “Censorship is trash. Television and Movies are even boring now because of it. No one can say anything anymore.”

I’ll get to her homophobic tweets later (maybe, because this post is getting pretty damn long), but she apologized for being racist later. This was after she called Zayn from one direction a “Sand Niggxx”:

I don’t think anyone has issued more apologies than Azealia. She supposedly doesn’t care about anyone’s opinions yet an apology is always ready. Remember when she apologized to Nicki Minaj, Beyonce, and homosexuals? Because screenshots are forever.

Nicki Apology

Beyonce apology

Homosexual Apology

LGBTQ Apology

Remember that time she said she doesn’t apologize, then apologized, then came back and said she means what she says?

Now,  people are saying we can’t hold her accountable for the things she said in the past because it takes away from the message of colorism and media bias she was trying to make in her interview. But that’s not how that works. While people are fully capable of growth,  Banks has shown time and time again that her apologies are nothing more than damage control to save herself as she then repeats the same antics again.

Amara La Negra has been actively speaking about color bias in the industry and had Banks truly been down for the cause, she would have focused on that. Hell, before Amara we’ve been talking about it and we didn’t call anyone an illiterate rat in the process because we know that they are victims of circumstances they did not create. Attacking victims of the system does not aid in dismantling it. She continuously name-drops people because of her dislike for them. I expect she’ll be delivering an apology to Cardi sometime in the near future as per usual because “growth.”

And while we are trying to make her the voice of Black America, do you remember when she called a black woman a gorilla?

Nothing says black empowerment and unity like chitlin juice

And in some twisted work of irony, she was mad at Cardi B twerking while pregnant and in a later tweet she said her future kids “won’t go online and find pictures of her butthole,” as she plays on respectability politics, but Banks herself is online with her cooter out because she thought letting her pubic free was empowering. If hypocrisy had a face it would be Banks, and frankly, that’s why, whatever her message, I cannot support it.

Banks doesn’t care about the plight of black people, she cares about digging her way through whatever scandal she can to finally grasp some form of relevancy. Everything she does is for herself while you all try to paint her as some martyr for being outspoken. The girl is trash.

Azealia Banks is a proud, narcissistic contrarian with a hard-on for attacking women in a poorly thought out scheme to gain some shine, all the while using serious topics in her faux attempt to sound educated and “aware” when really she’s a backass twattle fuck masquerading as an intellectual.

And just like “fetch” I wish you all would stop trying to make her happen.

    You can’t spell Hypocrite without Azealia Banks I have a question. Why haven’t we canceled Azealia Banks yet? We have canceled many other celebrities for less and even questioned their mental stability but Bank’s flip-flopping ass seems to be allowed time and time again to be the face of the word “toxic” and “hypocrisy,” yet we just let her slide on through until her next episode.