#bc WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT TENT SCENE. EXCUSE ME

[phoebespenglers]

the hug is literally the gayest episode in the entire series i love it so much

[kae-karo]

2023 fic roundup

phew!!! i wrote for four different fandoms this year, which is utterly wild to me given that most years i am writing for one or maybe two...but no, this year we went wild - bnha, genshin, trigun, and blue lock

so without further ado, my faves from each month:

jan 2023: i've made mistakes (but you were not one) - chaeya, i really hit my chaeya stride by this point and frankly i ADORED writing this fic, which was my first t4t chaeya fic !!!!

feb 2023: everything i ask for (and so much more) - chiluc, based on a scenario that my mom said she 'always wanted to see happen at a wedding' which rly made me laugh and thus i had to write it !!!

mar 2023: don't rush - kaeluc (and dilucest?), i just really enjoyed stretching my skills on this one in the vibes and also just. the mechanics of everything?

apr 2023: oh gods, there's two of them - cynonaribedo, which was just SO much fun after that event to consider how they'd interact and what shenanigans they'd get up to. also the smut was a fun challenge lmao

may 2023: don't be too good to me - vashwood, my first canon-universe fic for these silly guys that let me really explore the angst and also some of the lightheartedness

jun 2023: in your dreams - kaisagi !!!!! my first bllk fic!!! these two idiots make me feral !!!! they're so angsty and silly and i love them so much, i had a blast trying my hand at them!!

jul 2023: dark blue - kaisae, my last-minute final fic for kaisae july and the one that i reread and think about regularly lmao. one of my rare 2nd person pov fics, i had so much fun with teasing out all the imagery and emotions

aug 2023: but i'm losing blood and you're warm - bachisagi, currently my only bcis fic but my god was it SO fun to write, i loved getting to play in the horror genre a little and mixing that with romance and just UGH definitely up there as a fave

sept 2023: consumption - kaisagi, like what can i say except (pun intended) this premise consumed me so bad that i wrote it out of order bc i was so hooked on one particular scene. this whole story rly had me in a chokehold in the best way

oct 2023: pink light - ryusae, this is rly my favorite ryusae fic i've written to date. something about the premise and the gentleness and the second chances of it all just really got to me, i loved writing this so much

nov 2023: KNOCK.ME.OUT - ryurin, oh my god this fic....i reread this fic like every couple days for WEEKS after i finished writing it. more than i've reread any other fic, and purely out of a desire to just. live inside the story again. i loved it so much. up there with pink light as a fave for sure

dec 2023: tie me down (fuck me up) - saesagi, which like i feel like i went on a whole Journey abt saesagi within my brain and this is what came out. i rly enjoyed trying my hand at a new dynamic and taking sae out of his place of control for once !!!!

other stats + honorable mentions below the cut!

452,082 words posted this year across 58 fics, 24 ships, and, as mentioned, four fandoms. ended up around 8.7k kudos + 81k hits

some honorable mention fics:

good directions - vashwood, and a fic concept i've been dying to write for ages, which just happened to work incredibly well with vashwood

kinda complicated - plantwood, which was really just an excuse to write so much porn for them lmao but i had a great time both with that and the complex dynamics between the three of them

a tentative ellipsis - kaisae, cause i can't say EVERY kaisae july fic, but this one also was such fun to think about and write, just like. the premise and the execution were so [shakes them in a pickle jar]

we both got stories (but they're not the same) - kaisae, this premise rly cracked me up i had SUCH fun writing it and getting a little silly with it lskdjfklsdjf especially with kaiser and all his denial

make me love like i want to - kaisae/ryusae, which honestly all manifested out of like. the one scene in the fic where sae writes not dead on his arm. and that ballooned into an entire almost 30k story about soulmates that ended up being unexpectedly cathartic

sometimes i wish she was you - tabieita, idk this one really got me??? i had a blast writing karasu's point of view and his manipulative little shit attitude lmao

[meetmeatthecoda]

(star emoji) for Grifting With The Enemy :D

Pumpkin!! 🧡🧡🧡 Hello, my dear friend, thank you so much for your endless interest & support!! 😍😍 And for giving me a reason to re-read GWTE, which I haven't done for a loooong time!! 😂😬 (But, the good news is, it low-key got me inspired to hurry up & finish it!! 😏) BUT - in the meantime - here's some BTS info from my re-read under the cut, which is a lot - fair warning - since it's a 4 chapter fic & counting!! ❤️

LOL I forgot how stressful it is coming up with names for random extra people in fics, I hate doing that LOL But I did think it was important to open with Red NOT being a merciless crime lord who kills anyone who displeases him, cause - while he does have that side to him when necessary - that's not who Red is or wants to be.

I liked including that little moment with Red & Dembe about the parallel parking. I love those father/son & brotp moments for them, they're just the best. I tried to sprinkle those in wherever I could in Red's POV in this fic.

I loved the mental picture of Liz - with glasses & beanie a la The Harem - just leaning casually against a bookshelf the first time Red sees her... & he's immediately captivated, just like in canon. Especially with her eyes, I can't NOT write any version of Red that is not completely blown away by Liz's eyes, I mean, come on I also thought it was important that he thinks she's much younger than she is (intentionally part of her persona) & I'm looking forward to writing the reveal of her true age in a later chapter.

I loved writing a Liz that instantly challenges Red, already having heard about him (& more than that, as revealed in chapter 2) & point blank telling him she may refuse the job bc she has a say too. I liked keeping - & even amplifying a little - that dynamic from canon!Liz of always surprising Red & keeping him on his toes, all while he's trying so desperately to stay ahead of her & impress her.

I LOVED writing the brush pass scene - that moment where Red realizes he has officially underestimated her - & LOL I completely forgot I wrote that part about the condom LMFAO wow past!Coda, mighty daring of you 😂😂😂

Plus, I couldn't help the bonus bit about her stealing his phone & tossing it to him to end the chapter, that was just so fun to throw in there!!

I liked opening chapter 2 with Red still thinking about Liz, just to show how she captured his attention, even before he finds out she's been stealing from him. And I liked writing that revelation without any anger on his part, with him understanding it wasn't a full-scale attack on his empire, she's just a thief taking well paying jobs where she can get them, & instead it just shows him how talented she is. I thought that was an important thing to clarify before moving forward.

I LOVED writing Red & Dembe surprising Liz in her apartment, especially the part with Red's snooping & being confused & surprised by what he sees there. I loved kind of creating/designing Liz's apartment to showcase her true self, not her "young thief" persona that Red falls for at first. I wanted it to be clear that Red is fascinated by her seeming duality from the start (canon LOL) as well as just straight-up attracted to her (also canon LMAO).

Also I gave Liz a loft apartment cause I've always loved those!!

And I LOVEDDD writing Red super confident about surprising her & looking forward to taking her off guard by settling in on the couch & all that macho man stuff, only to be rendered fucking dumbstruck when she comes downstairs with no pants on lmfao & I included that little detail of her usually wearing a knife on her leg to show she's not to be underestimated 😏 & I couldn't help but throw in there Dembe kicking the back of the couch, that made me cackle lmfao

I think the truce was important to establish asap bc I didn't want any secrets or lingering animosity between them. That's for canon 😒 Only flirting & sexual tension here, thank you very much.

I had to include Red being a gentleman & asking if she wanted to get dressed, but I also couldn't resist Liz being confident & careless about it, while still hiding tactfully behind the counter. I thought that was a cute exchange.

lmfao of course, I included their coffee preferences being noticed by the other, I think that's an obligatory thing in any Lizzington fic ever, I'm so guilty of that lmfao

I loved the idea of Red being ready to start on a classic Red's Blacklister Presentation but Liz once again stops him in his tracks (while still secretly being impressed by his presence, of course, & I even accidentally switched POVs for no reason to include that?? nice Coda lmfao) as well as trading barbs & quips with him while Red feels awful & guilty at any accidental slights bc he can't bear to insult her.

AM&R vs. AR&M whoops typo lol

I liked the little snippet of dark!Red we see in their conversation of consequences for his enemies, that way Liz sees a little bit of what he's capable of & Red sees how she's not phased by it.

And that last little flirtation & wink to finish the chapter - lol can't resist

Ooooh, I loved switching to Liz's POV (fully ha) for chapter 3, I enjoyed describing how head over heels she is for Red already, that was fun. I liked writing about her lil movie day & chores she's completed, as well as fleshing out her AU past a little with Sam & her young grifting experiences. And her burning her popcorn while daydreaming about Red cause... same 😏

Ooooh, phone conversations are always so fun to write between them, I love trying to get that perfect mix of joking & sincerity & flirting & pining & pressing the phone close to their ear.

I thought it was important to keep (or rather re-invent, since TPTB seemed to drop it like a hot potato 😒😒😒) Liz's intense interest & respect for psychology, especially as a reason for being attracted to Red, since it kind of mirrors one facet of his interest in her. Not to mention Red thinks at first that it's just a useless, do nothing degree for her LOL

Ohhh, I loved establishing that mutual respect & friendliness between Liz & Dembe early on, that's such a fave of mine, I've always loved their friendship & thought it had a lot of potential. Liz loves & respects Dembe for keeping Red safe & Dembe loves & respects Liz for being so dear to Red.

Ugh, I LOVED writing Liz so completely disarmed by Red's relative state of undress at his safe house (paralleling her pants-less parade in chapter 2, of course) bc sameeeeeeee girl.

I also had fun writing Red blabbing on about some story as he often does, meanwhile Liz has already picked the lock on the safe, once again impressing & surprising him while she admires his different passport pics. That was so fun.

And I loved the quick shift to just a little animosity between them with Red insulting her lockpicks & Liz flaunting her thefts from him. I think those little spats give a little electricity & tension to the relationship, even if they blown over quickly, which they always do. And the fact that Red apologizes & they shake hands & make up is very refreshing to me (since they never fucking do it in canon lol fml) & also it's an excuse to write a little teasing physical contact & sexual tension 😁😁😁

And damn, I forgot how fun it is to throw a little teasing jab in there at the end of a chapter, just for fun - probably bc I'm allergic to multi-chapter fics & never write them lmfao wow

Ahhhhhhhh. I remember how much fun I had writing this whole restaurant scene, partly bc it was a difficult & long process (trying not to make all the flirting & physical movements repetitive while fitting in all the necessary dialogue in a semi-non-boring way lol) but also bc it was so fun writing their back-and-forth while seated at a table alone with nowhere else to go & nothing to distract them. I also wanted to take the opportunity to show Red's genuine interest in her as a person & let them spend some quality time together for the first time. I loved the idea of them losing track of time & Dembe having to come interrupt them with a knowing smirk. Also I def referred to the Olive Garden website for the food they ate cause I'm lame lmfaooo

I thought it was cute to throw in that Liz almost couldn't find Red when she arrived but for the fedora marker he placed out for her & then when she's leaving, she can feel his gaze on her the whole way out. Little parallels like that are my guilty pleasure 😁

Omggg I forgot about the end of this chapter, I remember I wanted Red to surprise Liz yet again & I thought the dessert snuck into her bag was a cute touch. Plus, tiramisu is a favorite of mine 😋 I also tried to make the vibe of this phone call a little softer & more tentative, not so much on tender hooks with lots of tension as the previous ones have been, showing how they're getting used to each other & falling in love at a break neck pace lol

Welp, that's all 4 chapters that are posted buttttttttt a sneaky look at my document that I haven't opened for an embarrassingly long timeeeeeee shows my sketch for the rest of the fic which revealssssss....... a detailed 10 chapter map with an epilogue!! Wow, I forgot I sketched everything out in such detail, this isn't too bad, maybe I should actually write this 😂😂😂 And I promise I will, hopefully sooner rather than later!! ❤️❤️❤️

Well, there you go, Pumpkin, I hope that didn't take you too long to slog through & there was something enjoyable in there for you!! 😂 Thank you so much for your interest again, my lovely friend, & getting me excited about this fic again!! 🥰 Much love to you, always, Pumpkin!! 🧡

Fanfic Writers: Director's Cut

[queenestarcheron]

acomaf review

so i recently reread acomaf and i made a post about everything that i liked/didn’t like (more of the latter). i also started another one so some of that is repeated in here. i have referenced page numbers but they are all from the uk paperback edition so i don’t think they will be the same for everyone. it’s all chronological. there will probably be typos since i wrote this on a whim pls ignore them. this is quite anti rhys so if that bothers you just ignore this and pls don’t attack me for my opinions.

(pg. 24) feyre says "I don't know if I can handle them calling me High Lady." implying that she doesn't even want to be in a position of power in prythian. is that the trauma talking? tamlin also says that there is no such thing as high lady which makes no sense bc high lord power is hereditary so it should be able to go to women too. also this makes rhys making feyre high lady make no sense.

(pg. 29) poor lucien i cannot believe his brothers did that to his girlfriend

(pg. 48-49) feyre threw a shoe at rhysand and all im saying is that, if nesta threw a shoe at cassian, they would try and flay her alive

(pg. 73) rhys says there can be high ladies... but there never was one?? how does he know they can exist? it doesn't add up. again, if a person could just be given the high lord power, then what is the point of having the high lord bloodline

the 90 pages in between are just feyre getting upset and rhys saving her from the spring court

(pg. 163) i am diSGOSTED "You know I'm always happy to tangle in the sheets with you Amren ... I know how much you enjoy Illyrian-" seriously?? i don't think this is a normal friendship dynamic. also we hear about how dangerous amren is but cassian literally just made this comment and she did nothing. and we dont see her do anything to others at all. the only thing to suggest that she's a powerful being was the end of acowar

(pg. 169) amren calling the illyrians "barbarians" does not sit right with me

(pg. 209) "They might not be happy about it, but I'll make Nesta and Elain do it" you'll make your sisters risk their lives and status? to help the fae? the race that enslaved humans for centuries? okay feyre. everyone's right, youre a great sister

(pg. 215) rhys offers feyre sex with cassian? how are the nesta stans the ones that don't gaf about cassian when his own friend (who he considers a brother) says this about him? i don't think after 500 years of knowing him and liking him nesta would say any of this

(pg. 229) cassian gets mad at rhys for endangering feyre's life for no reason and then rhys says "you would do the same" like nO SIR NO HE WOULDN'T

(pg. 246) feyre says nesta looks older in her eyes. she's obviously been affected by her sister running away with the fae and her and elain even thought she was dead. don't try and tell me that she doesn't care bye

(pg. 255) cassian's dinner table speech about how feyre died for the fae and nesta should stop being a bitch. um, sir your people enslaved hers for CENTURIES? and you want to play the fucking victim? okayyy sure. have fun with that

(pg. 280) rhys doesn't make his people play the tithe but he lets them live in tents in snowy mountains? while he lives in comfort? and im supposed to support this guy? hard pass for me

(pg. 288) rhys stalks about keeping velaris a secret and says "My people do not seem to be suffering much from it." basically ignoring the people in the hewn city and illyria as his people? tehy are all hated by the rest of the courts and apparently rhys is just cool with that bc velaris is fine.

(pg. 326) all i want to say is that cresseida deserves so much better

(pg. 361) okay lol jurian was "obsessive" in his pursuit to free his people. why couldn't he just be chill about it? his people could wait you know. he didn't hav eto go batshit crazy. it's not like they were servants their whole lives and were being treated like they weren't people.

(pg. 377) okay so this is when cassian comes back from giving nesta the letter (wings and ember) and he says something about how the family is full of "bossy, know-it-all females" my mans you invaded HER PERSONAL SPACE and asked her intrusive and inappropriate questions. she literally did what any other woman would have done.

(pg. 386) rhys fully says "neither side is innocent" when talking to the mortal queens BOI THE FAE KEPT THEM AS SLAVES WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND STOP TRYING TO SOUND OPPRESSED OMG

(pg. 393) they are talking about how miryam and drakon fell in love when she was still with jurian and apparently it's jurian's fault bc he was too obsessed with liberating the humans? you can say what you want about them fighting for the humans but it's clear they really don't give a shit

(pg. 398) feyre hears mor's story and says that she understands why rhys can't forgive nesta. she actually just compared what mor's family did (trying to marry off mor and nailing a note to her body and leaving her at the autumn court) to what nesta did (was mean to feyre when their family was in poverty and didn't stop feyre from hunting). chilee wut

(pg. 415) the court of nightmares scene and all i want to say is DID ANYONE IN THE HEWN CITY CONSENT TO SEE THAT. also their high lord using women like objects isn't exactly sending his people the best message, especially the youthful ones. like if their ruler is doing it, then why shouldn't they? rhys is kind of making it worse for women ( at the very least he isn't helping AT ALL)

(pg. 443) mor says that she hates the illyrian mountains and says that they should be "burned to the ground", completely forgetting about all of the people there, the culture and the fact that she has 2 and half illyrian friends

(all of chapter 54) rhys tells us his sad backstory and a bunch of excuses but never apologises for his actions utm. am i supposed to excuse sexual assault because he was emotionally distraught? bc im not going to do that

(pg. 548-553) nesta stands up A LOT for the humans and tries to convince the queens to give them the book. we see a lot of her humanity in this scene. don't tell me she's just a cold bitch please read with your eyes and see for yourself. ALSO THE NESSIAN BIT ON PAGE 553 LETS GOOOO

(pg. 559) feyre talks about how nesta feels everything too much and i just want to ask where this feyre was in acofas when her sister was off in the deep end with her ptsd

(pg. 589) jurian is called a monster for literally no fucking reason omg give my guy a break

(pg. 606) lucien helps elain when she is fae and on the ground soaking wet. this is all before he finds out that she is his mate. this is why we stan <3

please feel free to comment on/challenge anything ive said. you can try and come for my favs if you want but it probably won’t change my mind. i might do acofas later. 

[illfoandillfie]

uhm if you still need and want a benny boi request: hiking with him and soft sex by the fireplace to warm up 🥺 or in the tent bc it's probably pretty cold ngl

(@queenmylovely​)

God you bitches get me. These prompts are wonderful and came in about 30 seconds apart lmao so i hope you like what I did with them!

warnings: smut but its like super somft and fluffy, also a lil bit of arguing

Blurb Advent: Day 16

The trip wasn’t exactly what you’d imagined it would be. Initially you’d been planning to get away during Summer, maybe head to the beach for a couple of weeks, spend your time relaxing in the sun, hitting the waves. But the timing never quite worked out and the whole idea of going away was put on hold until it had cooled down again. And of course, once it became clear the trip would be in winter, you had to stop thinking of the beach and find somewhere new to go. Luckily (you supposed) a family friend of Ben’s had a cabin in the woods that he was happy to let you use. You weren’t quite as thrilled with it as you would have been a little beach side cottage, but you really just wanted some time for you and Ben without other distractions and he wanted to get out of the city. And neither of you wanted to wait another six months for the break. So the arrangements were made and early on a Friday morning you grumbled your way out of bed and into the warmest clothes you owned, packing everything into the car, ready to head off on your holiday.

 The cabin was cute, surrounded by tall trees and the promise of picturesque views. A generator had been installed a few years previous to allow access to electricity and there was a large rain tank to collect water for all the plumbing systems. You had been warned that in dryer weather you may need to seek out the nearby well to collect water for drinking and cooking. There’d been a lot of rain in the previous month so you didn’t think you’d need to worry about it but, all the same, you kept it in mind, adding a few metal water bottles to your essential supplies (which included things like food, the makings of tea and coffee, toothpaste and condoms). On top of the essentials you also made sure to pack Ben’s guitar and your travel paint set in the hopes that the seclusion and nature would inspire you both.

 The first day was mostly spent getting there and unpacking. When you arrived, you had to carry all your gear up a short incline that the car couldn’t access but it was worth it when you saw the scene. It was gorgeous, the surrounding woods a little damp with fresh rainfall, the cabin looking cozy and warm and perfect for a romantic getaway. You spent the morning putting food in the fridge and poking around the cabin, getting the doors and windows open to let in some air and natural light. In the afternoon you checked out the store of firewood and decided to collect some more so that it would have time to dry out under cover before you needed it. Together, bundled up in warm coats and gloves, you walked around the immediate area, collecting any logs that looked large enough as well as smaller sticks for kindling. In the evening you made dinner together and settled in for a night on the couch, wrapped in as many blankets as you could get your hands on. Things had been so busy lately you almost didn’t know what to do with yourself now that you were taking a break from it all. But the chaos you’d been living in had meant you didn’t get much of a chance to talk to Ben properly so that was what you did. Snuggled up on the couch and talked, finally able to just be together.

 The next day Ben suggested you check out the surrounding area, follow the hiking trail up the hill and see what was out there. There were practical reasons like finding the well just in case you did need it, but mostly it was just for fun. You each filled a backpack with a water bottle and some food as well as a grabbing a small first aid kit, some bug spray to combat the mosquitos you’d noticed the night before, and your paints. Ben slung his guitar over his back and you set off. The walk itself was fine though there were a few steep places on the trail. Ben used them as an excuse to hold your hand, getting a few steps higher and then offering his to help you follow. It was silly but cute and you found yourself giggling whenever he did it. It was quiet too, which was nice. You didn’t meet any other people on the trail but that meant you could stop and point out creatures that crossed your path or pause to take photos of interesting plants and pretty views you might like to paint later.

 At the top of the hill was a little lookout area with a park bench. Since you seemed to have it to yourself you unpacked your bags and ate lunch looking out over the tops of the trees below. As you ate you pulled out your sketchbook and started to draw things you could see, going over some with paints and leaving others as just the outline. Ben pulled out his guitar and found a small spot to lean against a tree and play softly, his eyes closed as he plucked at the strings. It was tranquil and peaceful and perfect. Or nearly perfect. You hadn’t noticed it as much while you were walking but now that you were standing still you realised just how freezing cold it was. For a while you tried to ignore it but eventually you had to speak up.

“Benny? Are you getting cold? My fingers are starting to freeze, maybe we should think about heading back?”

Ben dropped into the seat beside you and grabbed your hands in his, “I’ll warm them up for you.”

“That’s cute,” you smiled, not mentioning how unhelpful of a suggestion it was, “But I’m serious. The walk up here took a while anyway, might be best to start heading back down now, before it starts getting dark and even colder. Plus I don’t like the look of those clouds,” you pointed to a dark patch of sky off in the distance.

Ben eyed the rainclouds and thought for a moment, “Alright, you make a good point. Let’s pack up.”

 As quickly as you could you packed everything back into your bags and began to make your way back down the slope. Walking did help warm you up again though you couldn’t help but mention your need to defrost in front of the fire. And your discomfort only got worse as the rain began. The trees protected you a little but not enough and before long your teeth were chattering and your toes felt numb. Ben was just as unhappy, his hair dripping onto his face as he snapped at you to hurry up. He got particularly cranky when you paused to take a photo of the pretty haze the rain had thrown over one of the scenes you’d photographed on your way up, the roof of your cabin just visible through the trees.

“All your fucking complaining and now you want to stop to take pictures? Jesus Christ.”

“Hey, if it wasn’t for me you’d still be sitting up at the fucking lookout twiddling your thumbs.”

“You’re so fucking full of it. And slow! Could you walk a little faster please!” Ben tried to grab your hand and pull you along but you shook him off.

“It’s not my fault my feet feel like ice blocks. I didn’t even want to come out to this stupid cabin.”

“You’re the one who was practically begging for me to take you somewhere.”

“Yeah but not a fucking cabin in the middle of nowhere. This is the start of a horror film Ben. You brought me to a horror film.”

“Y’know this isn’t exactly what I wanted either. I was hoping for something a little more romantic, a little less bitching.”

“Well I think you’ve put paid to that.” You spat back, dropping your eyes to your feet so you could watch the terrain you were walking over, not wanting to slip in case Ben decided to walk ahead.

 You were surprised when Ben held his hand out to you, offering his help to get down a particularly uneven patch of the path, but you took it all the same.

“Sorry,” he said softly, keeping his hand tight around yours, “I know this isn’t ideal.”

“It was lovely up until the rain,” you shrugged, “Sorry I stopped before, and that I’ve been winging so much,”

“Hey, you’re allowed to winge, especially when your idiot boyfriend gets you stuck freezing to death in the middle of nowhere,” he squeezed your hand reassuringly, “but maybe he can make it up to you when you get back to the cabin?”

“How?”

“I’m thinking we get the fire going and sit as close to it as we can until we’re warm. I can make us some hot chocolate and then maybe we whip up a curry for dinner? Something really hot.”

You chucked and nodded, “Sounds good. Can I make one request?” “What is it?” “Can we cuddle? While we’re in front of the fire?”

“The cuddling was implied. It’s the most romantic thing I can think of so of course we’re cuddling.”

“You’re not an idiot Ben. And walking in the rain is kind of romantic, especially when there’s a fire to go back to.”

Ben pulled your hand up to his lips, kissing the back of it as you walked.

 By the time you got back to the cabin you were damp through, though your shoes felt completely soaked. Ben was true to his word though, peeling off his jacket and bending over the fireplace as he told you to go and get changed. You dug out clean, dry clothes, throwing Ben’s hoodie over the top. You grabbed all the blankets you could and came out to a fire coming to life as Ben hurried off to change. While he was gone you dropped the blankets on the floor, a little back from the fireplace, creating a sort of nest for the two of you.

“You stole my hoodie,” Ben pouted.

“Can’t blame me, it’s so warm and soft and I look cute in it,”

He chucked as he took his place beside you, wrapping his arms around you, “all of that is very true.”

For a while you just sat together, letting the feeling come back to your fingers and toes. Ben asked to see the photos you’d taken, pointing out scenery he thought would make nice artwork, and especially anything you could hang on the walls at home.

“I hope your sketchbook didn’t get too wet”

“I don’t think the rain got into the bags too much. What about your guitar?”

“It should be fine, it’s been in worse weather. Sorry I was short with you before,” he said quietly, his nose bumping your cheek.

You turned your head towards him, “It’s alright. I’m sorry too.”

He kissed you softly, bringing a hand up to cup your cheek.

You sighed against his lips and shifted to better face him, discouraging him from moving away.

 Ben kissed you slowly and deeply, as if he intended to just keep kissing you all night. But gradually his hands began to wander too, fingertips lightly tracing patterns over your sides as they slipped further down. You hummed at the touch, mirroring him, trailing your fingers down his chest and stomach. Slowly, he inched the hem of the hoodie higher until he could pull it over your head. You didn’t mind, plenty warm from the fire and Ben’s embrace.

“This okay?” Ben asked between small kisses along the corner of your mouth, his fingers already tugging at your shirt.

“Mmhmm, very,”

He nodded and lifted your shirt over your head, keeping his arms up so you could do the same to him.

He didn’t rush, leisurely following the line of your throat with his lips, humming in response to your whimpers and mewls. You were already wet when he wriggled his hand under the band of your leggings, exacerbating your arousal as he stroked along your slit.

 Once he had your pants off he rolled you onto your front, making sure you were comfortable amongst all the blankets, the heat of the fire washing over you. Gently, he hooking his fingers into the top of your underwear, pulling them down your legs, leaving soft kisses on your lower back and arse and thighs.

“Give me two seconds, babe,” he whispered, tugging his own pants off and leaning over to grab one of your backpacks.

“What’re you doing?” you asked, looking over your shoulder at the noise.

“Might have thrown a couple of condoms in here, just in case.”

“In case? In case of what?”

“I don’t know. In case the view made you super horny or we wandered into a fairy ring and ended up kidnapped by pervert fairies. Just, y’know, in case.”

“You’re so stupid,” you laughed, tapping him with your foot as you lay down again, your arms folded under your head.

“I was just preparing for any eventuality.”

“Mmm well, you might want to hurry up and prepare or else I’m gonna fall asleep here. It’s very comfortable,”

“Don’t do that, hang on,” You heard Ben tear at the wrapper and then swear and then tear it again as you laughed into your arms.

“Alright, ready. You still awake,”

“Surprisingly, yes,”

“Good,” his voice was close to your ear as he lay over you, cocooning you in his warmth as he entered you from behind.

You moaned into your arm as he slowly rocked into you, his chest against your back as he braced himself on arms either side of you. There wasn’t much scope for anything fast or hard but it was intimate, his cock pressed against your g-spot so that every slight shift of his hips sent a jolt of pleasure through you.

Ben kissed your shoulder and left his lips there as he mumbled, “feel good?”

“Mmhmm, fucking incredible,”

“Mmm, you feel incredible too.”

You pushed your self up and looked around for Ben. Within seconds he was kissing you again, tongue dragging over your lips as another jolt shot though you and you gasped.

 For a while you stayed like that, your movements lazy and slow. But it wasn’t enough to push you over the edge, even with Ben groaning in your ear or sucking at your pulse point.

“I need more Ben,”

“Alright, babe, if I pull out are you good to roll over?”

You nodded, catching him in another kiss to show your appreciation.

Once you were on your back, leaning on your forearms, Ben adjusted his position, his legs falling between yours as he lined himself up once more. He wasn’t much deeper but the angle was different and you felt Ben hit a spot he hadn’t reached before as he leaned over you and attached his lips to your neck again.

“Fuck, Ben,” The fire was still burning, heating your opposite side as you threw your arm around Ben, digging your nails into his back as he gave an experimental thrust.

“This better?” “Yeah. You make me feel so good,”

Ben smiled and lay you back further, so he didn’t have to hold himself up with his arms, instead allowing him to slide one hand between you to softly play with your clit.

You grasped at his back as his hips snapped against yours harder, his fingers constantly rubbing at your clit.

“C’mon, babe, you’re close aren’t you.”

You nodded again, feeling as if you’d lost the ability to form words as your back arched. Everything was warm and comfortable – the fire and the blankets and Ben’s low voice, mumbling encouragement between kisses – and before you fully comprehended it was happening, your orgasm washed over you, pulling Ben’s name from your throat. He mirrored you a few seconds later, groaning your name as he stilled, his forehead falling to meet yours.

Carefully he rolled off you and you shuffled around to lean your head on his chest, still mostly tucked up in your blanket nest.

It was quiet for a moment as you both settled, your breathing falling into sync as you watched the fire and listened to the rain that had only gotten heavier while you were wrapped up in each other.

Suddenly Ben spoke, his tone more than a little braggy, “How’s that for romantic.”

[shinjaeha]

itsay ep 3 (thoughts + spoilers)

itsay ep 3 fucking obliterated me so here i am with some more thoughts on this episode (drama) in general. this is just me being an incoherent mess bc my mind is basically just one long !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! after having watched this (once raw and again subbed). this isn’t an analysis, it’s literally me just gushing over the ep as i watch it bc boy oh BOY.

WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT EVERYTHING HITTING DIFFERENT AFTER THE BOAT SCENE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if i thought the tension in the boat knocked the breath out of me, this whole ep was that x10000.

they really started us off with a bang having continued straight off from last ep with teh smelling oh-aew’s hair, huh?? teh rubbing his face with the coconut paralleled with oh-aew smelling his coconut scented shampoo?? excuse me as i cry into my hands.

teh wasn’t willing to wake up early for tarn when she wanted to draw early in the morning, but when he sees that oh-aew wants to wake up early to study, HE’S the one that makes sure that oh-aew wakes up (and he stays up to keep oh-aew company, even if it’s just over the phone). then again when they’re at the resort...love that tarn realises that too. boy ain’t subtle. also, how is it even possible that they can have that much tension just speaking over the phone?? they’re not even in the same room and the tension between the two of them is so thick i can barely breathe.

the “let me know when you’re home”!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOYFRIEND BEHAVIOUR. as soon as oh-aew asked teh why he always asked tarn that, i KNEW they were gonna put that in there for him and oh-aew and i’m glad i wasn’t disappointed :))) the look on oh-aew’s face when he saw the text!!!!!!!!!!! the way he stopped in his tracks!!!!!!!!!

i already had a feeling that oh-aew was going to be the first one to properly realise and accept his feelings for teh based on the teasers (makes sense since he already knows he likes boys...he’s more sure of his sexuality, which would of course make it easier for him to accept based on that). seeing the way he used the ‘if you get close to him and he doesn’t move away it means he likes you’ theory that teh initially told him to try on bas with teh too was really cute. and the jealousy over tarn. i LOVED that we got to see a more petty side to him when he announced he was going to room with bas partly bc of how lowkey jealous/mad he was about teh and tarn talking over the phone. it left teh so unsettled and confused (the piano music was PERFECT in that scene), and is 510% something teh would have done too (based on the previous two eps). they really are a perfect match huh. but poor bas being caught in the middle of the two of them ;;;

i liked that a lot of this ep was from oh-aew’s perspective. i feel like we got mostly teh’s pov in the first two eps, so it was really nice to see things from oh-aew’s pov too. gave us all more insight into his personality and he’s honestly SO MUCH more flirty than i thought he was going to be omg. the potato chip scene where he just crawled over to teh and ate that potato chip all the while staring straight at teh, then lying on his lap?????????? teh was (understandably) flustered after that AND SO WAS I. i was not expecting that whatsoever. i was also really impressed with how honest oh-aew was about his feelings. i love that he’s stayed true to their previous heart to heart in the boat scene last ep where he basically told teh that he wanted transparency between the two of them. he’s sticking to that, and i admire him so much for being able to be that vulnerable and true to himself. i thought there might have been more confusion with bas, but it looks like as soon as he realised his feelings might have faded/that he was feeling things for teh now, he just went with it. i know in my last text post i said that oh-aew is usually the more cautious/pragmatic of the two, but i feel like when it comes to his feelings, he seems to be really in tune with who and what he wants (more so than teh). this of course makes sense bc he’s likely had more time to come to terms with his sexuality...which is what teh’s figuring out for himself now. on top of that, oh-aew’s feelings for teh are a lot stronger than the ones he has for bas. and since he’s also more certain that teh likes him back, he’s so much bolder in how he approaches teh. and teh, to his credit, returns that honesty too when oh-aew basically pushes him into acknowledging that there’s ~something between them (hammock scene). i was kind of expecting him to push away from that/deny it, but he didn’t. he’s obviously just a lot more confused with his feelings and still needs some time to understand them and process them fully. on a related note, hammock scene was so loaded and SO well acted by the both of them. the fact that they can move from playful in one scene too achingly intense in another always throws me for a loop.

another thing i really love about the two of them is how they push one another to be better. it’s that rivalry that makes their bond even stronger, but it’s also something that worries me for future eps ngl...

but i honestly feel SO BAD for bas...clearly, he likes oh-aew, and although oh-aew was initially confused with the two of them, he’s definitely more convinced when it comes to his feelings for teh. but when bas essentially asked oh-aew out, and oh-aew said let’s invite the rest of they guys?? he looked so sad and my heart kind of broke a little. it’s like watching the poor second lead in a kdrama. and tarn too :( i really hope that when teh accepts his feelings for oh-aew, he doesn’t keep her hanging on the way that most BLs tend to do. she deserves so much better than that. my heart really hurts for the both of them, but at the same time teh and oh-aew are just magnets being pulled together at this point. they can’t stay away from each other.

the scene where teh rubs the smell of oh-aew’s coconut scented pen (from what he’s written) all over his face bc he’s at his limit and can’t stand all those pent up feelings anymore, only to race out to their special meeting place on the beach????? the moment he sees that oh-aew’s there too and he chases after him entranced (and the smile on oh-aew’s face)????? the way the instrumental ost just swells the moment they see each other????? the way they tease and dance around another yet again?????  PURE ART. A CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE. THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DRAMA I HAVE EVER SEEN. this whole sequence has to be my fave scene in this ep. god, that part where the camera closes in on them and they’re face to face before oh-aew steps away again had my heart trying to flutter its way out of my CHEST. THEY HAVEN’T EVEN KISSED IN THE SERIES YET AND THEY CAN REDUCE ME TO THIS. honestly, their power is something else. the fact that they can stir so many emotions in all of us just by the way they glance at one another, by the way they dart around one another barely touching...there are dramas/movies with multiple kiss/love scenes that can’t even create that tension and longing. it’s the kind of chemistry that burns you inside out. it’s so palpable.

the thigh massage scene had me CAPTIVATED (like all their scenes tbh) and then teh’s mum came to wake me (and the both of them) up haha. but for real, there’s just something so tentative about what’s happening. these feelings are new to them, and they’re easing their way into it. always toeing the line, but not overstepping it yet. it’s primal. they keep letting those feelings build up more and more and more. and you can always feel the way it’s leading to something else. and of course it leads into the next scene where teh’s tutoring oh-aew again but the atmosphere is so incredibly heavy, so tight, that they can’t contain it anymore (i mean, the fact that they contained it for so long when they’re teenage boys with feelings for one another is already astounding enough to me). teh tries so hard, but then the back scratch happens and...THIS ICONIC SCENE...i thought they were going to kiss then (before oh-aew turned around), but then we got something else entirely and the intimacy of it all. just wow. literally not a single kiss and it was one of the most sensual scenes i have ever seen in a BL. it’s just the way they get so caught up in one another. THE YEARNING OF IT ALL. this whole ep was just pure anticipation, and i have never ever wanted two characters to kiss more than i do these two. it’s the build up that gets me (idk if this can be considered slow build since there’s only been like three eps but it sure as hell feels like it!!!!!!!!!). then teh pulls away and it’s like a smack in the gut...but at the same time, i get it. he’s not ready yet. there’s so much for him to take in and he’s not there yet (not the way oh-aew is), and just like oh-aew, it keeps us all hanging on, so close but not quite there yet.

so much of this felt like this cat and mouse game between the both of them where one of them would advance, then retract...it makes the tension between the two of them even MORE overwhelming bc you keep anticipating something, and you get fleeting moments of it, but then it’s over by the time you blink. they keep toying with one another, but not crossing the line YET bc they know that that’ll change everything the moment they do. it’s such a testament to the writing AND the acting bc it’s the chemistry that bkpp have with one another that creates all of that push and pull dynamic, that yearning and desire. having to wait a whole week again is just devastating...i think next ep seems like it might be the climax?? i’m pretty sure it’ll be the ep where teh accepts his feelings (or at least won’t be able to hold himself back physically anymore), where all the build up finally properly erupts, but at the same time, i just know that the angst is going to start piling up and idk how to feel other than terrified bc i’m way too invested now tbh.

anyway, this drama is absolutely magnificent, and all i want to do is rave about how damn good it is. so high quality. it feels so fresh, like they’re reinvented the tried and true coming of age tale in a way, and we’re all just along for the ride. it transcends the typical thai BL story (and i now understand why they were hesitant to label this as BL when it really feels like it encompasses so much more than the usual BL tropes and story). one of my fave dramas of the year by far (BL or otherwise). it’s just a class apart from any drama i’ve watched before and ticks every single box for me. stunning in every way. down to every detail and every feeling and emotion. it’s so raw and real and i can’t praise what nadao and the team have done with this enough (and we still have 2 more eps to go!!). there’s just so much meaning in every little thing, and in all those little things you can see the time and care it’s taken them to make this.

[pomrania]

Great AO3 tags XI

(I) (II) (III) (IV) (V) (VI) (VII) (VIII) (IX) (X)

how else do you woo a woman besides saving her from drowning

Someone sets a tent on fire

i'm slowly realising i use the kidnapping tag far too often

i might as well tag Destiny as a character at this point

Elves are Their Own Warning

seriously this whole story is just an excuse to write hurt comfort

Just some lesbian chaos with my favourite wlws

Like the west wing with more stabbings

the original title is -i dont know what the fuck this is-

Guys in case you haven't figured this out this is like straight sin and I have no excuse

vampires like smelling things i guess

i don't control the characters they are the ones who decide what I should write

it stopped being a pwp when this shit turned 10k and they still weren't fucking

Don't set your Prof's car on fire

Lots of me fretting over canon and then realizing I can do whatever I want

Unsafe Taverns In Violation of Established Building Codes

magic being both ironic and bullshit

Did part of this stem from quarantine feels? Yes

very few braincells

he's dumb and that's why we love him

How Could I Read That Paragraph And Not Write A Fluff/Smut Scene for Each One?

It's like accidental baby acquisition but on purpose and with magic

Author is A Poor Sap with little Skill only the Desire to express emotions

there will be pining and yearning bc is that not the universal gay experience

If you think I wrote this sober you are wrong

the intimacy of bandaging up your travelling companion when he passes out on the floor

TAGS CONTAIN LIKE MAJOR SPOILERS SO DON'T READ THEM

the blood and injury and the cooking are not related

is it horny hours yet?

I Tried to Count the Kikimora’s Legs and Somehow Came Up with a Different Number Each Time

I like giving characters vague tragic backstories

it goes torture- comedy - sad - bad time - hopeful ending

I don't know why my brain suddenly decided this is a good idea

no beta no plan no problem?

Oh No A Conveniently Timed Earthquake Has Buried Them In Rubble

it's my fic and I get to decide who gets resurrected

Snowball fights are as close to an action scene as i have written in several years

Canon-Typical idiots

I’m coining a genre I’m calling it Existential Crack

(yes it's a regency au yes I based it on a springsteen song that's my thing)

Gods the tags for their names are so long

ah yes the classic trope of “we’re hiding from guards and making out in an alley”

several times i had to remind myself not to write the word shooketh

but everyone gets a turn on the metaphorical dissection table

Worryingly Enthusiastic Consent

Very thinly veiled anticapitalism and hatred of bureaucracy

so much talk about grains y’all and i’m not even sorry

God came down to me at 4 am and told me to write this

The official timeline is more like guidelines right?

i started this a week ago thinking it would be 2k max and now its 6k and just a pile of whump

they are simply.......too gay to function

perhaps do not try this irl

No Exploding Genitals

ill add the tags as I go lol

humour? Am I funny? I don't know

[certifiedceraunophile]

Hello! I’m your Klaroline Swap gifter👀 I am sorry it's taken me this long to reach out but I've finally gotten to it! I am excited to be writing for you and wanted to ask a few questions about your gift. Wanted to know about your all-time favorite tropes and side pairings? Any Caroline friendships you like? Any tropes or pairings you don't like? Any pet peeves with KC fic? Any smut preferences? Anything you especially want to see or any info you'd like me to know? Hope you have a great day!💖

Heyyy!! Thank you for sending me this ask, and please don't apologize, it’s all good 💖 I hope you're having a great day too! So I’ll just jump in and answer all your questions ✌🏾✨

I am so so sorry it got this long, like so long, I really tried to condense it, but I have no concept of short and concise so now I have to put this below a cut 😭🙃😭

All time favourite tropes:

[see here's the thing I dont exactly *know* what tropes are so I'm just gonna yeet a bunch of HIGHLY specific prompt-thingies that make me tingle at you and you can do w them what you wish- like take out certain parts you want to use, or base other tropes off of them anything you wish really, even if you choose to ignore all of them I won't be holding it against you dw!]

Ok so I love love the "I was just captured by the bad guys and very harshly uh demanded to sell you out, but I didnt, bc even though I might posture like you’re the scourge of the earth and would gladly see you dead, I in fact, do not want you dead and will therefore not be selling you out and will handle mild -emphasis on mild please do not hurt either of my babies too much- torture instead and oops! look at that, you just overheard this exact exchange where I stand my ground and refuse to betray you, and now you’ve gone feral over your loyalty kink and are spouting promises of never letting go of me, which honestly I cannot bring myself to be mad at."

I love love love the forced bedsharing trope which then leads to accidental cuddling, where one party [caroline] is just very very annoyed that their body sought the warmth of a cockroach fucknugget being [klaus] and the fucknugget party is just very very smug about being the other party's personal space heater, and nuzzles them and cuddles tighter and asdfghjkl I'm getting tingly just thinking about it, and like says w a husky sleepy voice “don't move” and cuddles closer. jfc please I’m a basic bitch with very basic wants.

I absolutely LOVE the "we work on opposite enemy sides, but now we have to band together to defeat one common enemy and honestly I am NOT glad that I constantly wanna throw you against a wall, and not all reasons for said wall-throwing are strictly to inflict violence on you."

I also LOVE the "fuck youre bleeding/hurt/injured and fucking hell I dont know why my hands are shaking while I attend to your wounds but god it is, and now I'm not sure exactly how deep you've furrowed into my heart and stuck yourself there like a dickheaded leech."

Now I feel like I have given you many tropes, but I also feel like i didnt in fact help you at all, bc I'm not sure these are uh tropes?? but anyway those are some highly specific...scenes?? I have a very deep bias for

[you obviously dont HAVE to write ANY of them if you dont want to]

And also if I had to give you a clear cut trope to follow, I absolutely LOVE the enemies-to tentative allies-to lovers trope, in which one party is just working really really hard to get to the lovers part, and the other is working really really hard not to get to the lovers part, but caves later on, bc really the fucker grows on you. [Featuring Klaus as the "high key besotted already pursuing Caroline"-person, and Caroline is the "I am very very annoyed w this wooing, but I am more annoyed this wooing is working"-person. And also, I like my Klaus E V I L, But really really really *soft* for Caroline.]

Also if by tropes you meant settings, Like AU's, literally anything works, I have a personal bias for Crime AU's when it comes to enemies to lovers, and Canon is the ultimate enemies to lovers AU, but honestly you can use which ever one you want, I am not entirely sure myself if I have a specific preference here, AH, Fantasy, Supernatural, Scifi, it's all good.

[I however am not extremely fond of Historical Settings]

Again you are not required to follow any of these tropes at all if you don't wish to, I just require you to have a lot of fun writing and love the beauty you write yourself first!

Side pairings:

Ok I LOVE me some Kennett [kol + bonnie] but I also LOVEEE kolenzo [Kol and Enzo], I also am extremely just *heart eyes* at Bonenzo [Bonnie + enzo], but I absolutely DIE for Kennettzo [which is OT3 of Kol Bonnie and Enzo]

Kalijah is also a-ok w me, and I feel like I dont have any other side pairings I'd like die to see I guess. If you choose not to go with these side pairings its perfectly alright.

Caroline Friendships:

Ok this I can answer without rambling like an idiot, I love love love love :

Bonnie + Caroline [like i love this so much it physically hurts me, they both deserve so so so much better]

Kol + Caroline [I will literally touch a frog, and I have a phobia of frogs, to have one full conversation w these two idiots]

Enzo + Caroline [Honestly enzoline brotp makes me wanna sob happy tears bc they are so perfect together]

Katherine + Caroline + Rebekah [bad bitch meets head bitch meets super bitch, what could possibly go wrong]

Tropes and Pairings I dont like:

NOTPS:

Kolvina, stebekah, delena, stelena, datherine, steferine, Haylijah, Marcel+Rebekah, Matt+Rebekah, Bamon, Kai+bonnie, beremy.

And I think that's about it? mostly I just hate elena stefan damon and hayley and I am not fond of them w anyone, I hate all canon Rebekah relationships, and I dont like seeing Bonnie with anyone other than enzo or kol.

Tropes:

I am totally not fond of the Kill Liz for plot reasons trope, like seriously killing Caroline's mom is not ok w me, but I am totes fine if she's like already dead as part of Caroline's backstory, just don't show me Liz dying in the story as a part of the plot.

Any form of sire-bond-y or like sire-bond adjacent or like any form of deal/bargain/agreement that gives Klaus even a tiniest bit of power over Caroline's free will and choices, is just not for me, like at all, no matter how well it's done, I can't stand it.

not fond of any form of prisoner/hostage tropes, like klaus kidnapping caroline or caroline kidnapping klaus and holding each other hostage and stuff like that.

Death as a plot point doesnt work for me? and really I'd prefer if there were no major character deaths at all.

Friends to lovers trope is not for me, childhood friends to lovers trope is definitely not for me.

I don't like any sort of redemption arc really, anything that starts with Klaus as a “bad” dude and ends with him being a relatively “good” dude is not for me.

Any form of infidelity, like ofc especially in between Klaus and Caroline is just [shudder] hard pass, but like I also hate it when Caroline or Klaus cheat on anybody at all.

Also all the tropes and like themes I'm not comfy w that I mentioned in my original Gift Request still stand.

KC Pairing Pet peeves

ok This I can answer easily bc I have like a FEW,

I hate a woobified Klaus so much, like so much, I hate all TO!Klaus characterizations but this one is the worst, absolutely not here for it, I am not here to feel sorry for this mf I want to feel really deliriously GIDDY at how evil he is and how whipped he is for Caroline, but like concentrating on Klaus's manpain is not something I really wanna read.

Caroline excusing Klaus's bullshit, or like being a push over-y “it's ok, I understand why you did it” person is not for me, bc she never was one to begin w, she never did rationalize or justify Klaus's behaviour, she always held him accountable and told him what a difficult son of a bitch he is every chance she got.

I don't like arcs where Caroline is Klaus's redemption? like Caroline bringing Klaus into the "light" or whatever I am not here for it, like at all, I like Klaus staying evil while being endlessly in love with Caroline, and Caroline being able to be w a man she knows is a selfish evil ruthless grade A asshole, but will literally also choke himself to death for Caroline, cuz the man is whipped as fuck.

I also absolutely am not a fan of arcs where like Caroline remains "pure" or whatever, like that's just not for me, I am totally fine, actually MORE than fine for ruthless Caroline who is willing to do deplorable shit to get to her goal and protect her people, like Caroline being extremely almost evilly pragmatic just gives me a boner, and pretty sure gives Klaus one too. Klaus "protecting" Caroline's so called innocence is uh off putting for me personally. And her remaining this pure white light princess of good and Klaus being attracted to the *good* in her is um, nope.

Smutty Preferences

Honestly I’m very easy when it comes to smut [and u totally dont have to write me any if you dont want to]

I do not like:

non con/dub con, anal sex, Strict and/or elaborate Bdsm themes, [light undertones are ok], drunk sex, sex that’s basically infidellity [like caroline/klaus cheating on someone else w each other] , gagging, choking, Extremely rough emotionless sex, sex as a bargain, or as a part of a bargain.

Smut preferences:

I like reading oral sex, especially Klaus going down on Caroline

light bondage like being tied up [either Klaus/Caroline I enjoy both]

Sex toys are really really good, like love reading Klaus using one on Caroline, or Caroline using one on herself and Klaus watching

I do have a special love for praise kink, especially Klaus being really just in awe of Caroline during the do and expressing it uninhibitedly

Dirty Talk is GREAT

I enjoy both Klaus and Caroline in a dominant role, but I usually love it when both of them share the dominance equally, I’m just not into “Yes master” and “Yes mistress” level of dominance. I guess the word I’m looking for is Vanilla dominance lmao.

Bloodplay is also great if they're vampires.

And Klaus and Caroline leaving marks on each other is *swoon*.

I love reading possessive!klaus and possessive!caroline in equal measure so really your choice.

Hot and Dirty sex with a an undercurrent of emotion and devotion, want and need and all that nice stuff is great!

But I do have a list of words I’m not really a big fan of coming across when I’m reading smut:

Any word for vagina that’s not wetness, or folds or lips, is squicky, cunt is not a problem, pussy however is squick.

Clit is clit; little nub, bundle of nerves, all of that makes the med student in me really anxious lmao.

Any word for Cock that’s not cock is squick.

Juices, cream, semen are squicky, I just prefer come or release.

Ok these are seemingly innocent words but moist, engorged, gaping, drooling, sopping are not words I like seeing in context of smut.

So yeah that’s about it, I know hi, it’s been what, eleventy bajillion years since the beginning of this ask, I am so so so sorry for being this difficult, and really, LIKE SERIOUSLY, except for my squicks you are more than welcome to just skip past everything else, since I’m not really that hard to please, as long as the no-no’s are not there in what I read and the dynamic I asked for is even just vaguely followed I will be really really really happy and really I just want you to have fun writing whatever you feel like cooking up, I’m superrrr excited to see your interpretation of my request!!!

[Also Please please send me another ask clarifying you got my answer and also telling me I haven't frightened you with this long ass rambling list of okay’s and no-no’s bc honestly I am just anxiously debating if I should answer this ask like this or yeet half of it and vaguely rewrite the answer.]

Hope you have a great day lovely!! I am once again sorry for being this difficult. ✨💖🤝🏾

[dansedan]

Did anyone ask for bad impulsive original fiction? no? ok so I’m doing it anyway under readmore bc 

1) it’s four pages long

2) It’s not good

open at your own risk it’s gay pining and isolated places bc that’s what I’ve been thinking about latelyyyyyyy 

ok here ‘tis sorry everything I touch becomes brooding and horny at least this one isn’t explicit lmao I started it right after watching brokeback mountain and maybe that’s super obvious and sad!

The blonde man is in a yellow suede coat (for that is what blonde men wear) and the black-haired man is wearing blue (not denim, though, just house-clothes) and they are standing in a bog-road not quite a mountain, too tropical for Western dessert, and the black-haired man is short but the blonde is shorter.

The are moles on the black-haired man’s blonde-skinned face and the blonde man wants to kiss them quickly, kiss repeatedly like a combo in an arcade game. The black-haired man is grinning more than he would really grin and his eyes are proud, round almonds and his hair is long and leather-smooth. The Blonde man looks like carrot cake in essence but not color, he is pale and strawlike.

The Blonde man is shivering under the coat and hat and isn’t used to it, but the black haired man just smiles again and says that Jersey winter’s colder, that he should visit sometime and see it for himself. The blonde man does believe him, still shivers without being cold.

“It’s good that you’ve managed to make it all the way down here.”

The two men are in the cottage- or house, or shack, or whathaveyou- and they’re shedding their coats with warm hesitance. The light from the windows is white-cold and streaming in like sheafs of silk, and the blonde man stares like a movie-still, too conscious and composed. The black-haired man is real, though, and he’s rustling through the kitchen for mugs, and spoons and coffee grounds. Chattering about the weather and elections and the recent movie by the actor they both like to fill the space in the air, and the Blonde man is breathing with intent, too much intent. Like receiving a shirt from a lover, he is breathing in the air of the house (it is still air with no notable fragrance, the coffee from the kitchen exempted by its diegesis) and looking around, taking slow steps like a peppy realtor on a tee-vee show. The house is American, and hand-made several years ago (he knows, for this is how he met the black-haired man, in that year of furrowed brows and little lies and paperwork) and overwhelmingly warm, wooden brown. It is draped in corners with thick fabric, like a swaddled child, and the Blonde man can see embroidery and weavings he himself had sent along with a mutual friend on her much more frequent visits- a pillow with a bird design, a blanket made to look like an old overcoat, art-school projects disguised as adult whims that had never fooled the black-haired man, but had successfully flattered him.

And the black-haired man has finished making coffee, or gotten sick of hearing “yes” and “really?” from the younger man, is instead sneaking up behind him with the mugs.

“neat house, huh?”

“thanks, made it myself.”

And the black-haired man pretends to gasp, and pretends to laugh, and passes on the coffee to the blonde man. And they are not drinking over an open fire, they are walking to the sofa- one in sock feet, one in boots.

“how’s school?”

“s’fine- ‘school’ makes it sound like I’m in sixth grade.”

“…is sixth grade fun?”

“fuck no.”

The black-haired man’s smile is wide, and heart-shaped, and it breaks the blonde man’s heart to see it plastered like that and to know it’s his fault.

“Still, god, how long’s it been now, three years?”

“threeish.”

The black-haired man is looking everywhere other than him, and it’s painfully obvious in the closed quarters of the open living room.

“all because of-“

“yeah, well, and the distance is-“

“of course, of course, still-“

“yeah. No excuses.”

And the blonde man wonders how they can do that- having never heard each other’s voices- how the black-haired man can read his tone and answer without seeing him face, without staring like the blonde man does and is at his small face dwarfed by warm-toned sofa seat.

“You know, you’re shorter than I thought you’d be.”

“really?”

“well, from the photos-“

“ah. Well, my roommate’s- uhm, whatsit… like, five feet? One-twenty cm, whatever that is.”

“oh. Tiny.”

“yeah, tiny.”

And the black-haired man looks away again, towards the door that leads to a half-kilometer of nothing and no-one, and farmlands sat past that, so no-one was making any sort of noise or was otherwise expected. And it is warm inside the house, and they sit apart on the single sinking sofa, their hands next to each other but apart.

“god, you’re white.”

“well, that’s evident in-“

“yeah, photos but-“ the black-haired man reached out, tentatively placing their hands side by side, touching pinkies. “god, in person… it’s a lot.”

“hm.” The blonde man hummed to cover his sudden breathing. He didn’t know where to look, so he stared. “…The British have a lot to answer for.”

“ha! Maybe so,” the black-haired man seemed emboldened, he kept looking amiably about the blonde man’s face, starting to fully touch the surface of the Blonde man’s hands. “do you burn easily?”

“too much.” The blonde man nodded, looking up, jittery. He made a gesture, a short nod up, signaling to notice the field of faint freckles on his face. The black-haired man noticed only the quirk of his pink lips, puckering slightly as emphasis, and the youthful blemishes on his rounded chin that lead his eyes down to the soft expanse of neck and chest under the button-up. It was quiet awhile, both faced towards each other but looking away, choking on still coffee and stale air.

“how is the book-“

“So what did you think about me?-“

And the second the words were out they were still again. The Blonde man had been tentative, the black-haired man weakly attempting a mocking falsetto, crowded into a pose with his feet drawn up on the sofa. They finally locked eyes, both half-desperate and half-heartened, restraining the urge to laugh or cry out of politeness.

The black-haired man broke the gaze first.

“um, well- Book’s okay! Got it into querying, so that’s good.” He scrambled to stretch out again, break pose and settle further away into the arm of the couch, further away from the blonde man still looking at him, still stunned serious.

“good.”

“yeah, good. Pretty good.”

And the black-haired man couldn’t look forward but seemed to feel the stare still standing solid back at him.

“You’re… “ the blonde-haired man hesitated, voice low. “you’re older than I thought you.”

“hah! Yeah, I’m a geezer, right?”

“you’re handsome.”

And that gave the black-haired man some pause, the easy tone he’d suddenly taken then, as if suddenly reporting on some subject he was confident about, like there was somehow more shame in asking him about work than there was in breaking that barrier. And he kept watching and talking.

“you look old Hollywood. Like that one guy- god, what’s his name? He was in one of the older westerns…”

“…s’rude to make fun of folks like that, you know.” He could feel his voice was small, and suddenly those couple inches height seemed to have lost their worth.

“I’m not making fun.” The blonde man said, and he stood up from the couch with his empty mug of coffee, walking back to the corner kitchen and the dripping sink. Even from away, there was a certain elegance in the way he went about the movements of walking and washing the cup, hands flowing soft like thin silk in smooth motion. And the blonde-haired man didn’t speak, while the black-haired man watched and sat in relative silence.

He watched the blonde man wetting, washing, coming up to rub his neck and card through the short-shaved back of his nape. The blonde man ducked his head down, gathered water to wet his face, and his neck was slender and unmarked, snow-white, and the black-haired man could not explain why it made him hungry, recalled the scent of citrus, of the bitter pale-white pith.

He could feel and see the light outside the window finally waning into night, bathing the open room in cold grey-casted light, see its effect on the blonde man, patting his hands dry on his pants and glancing around for a light switch.

“hey- why don’t you bring the matches? Second drawer.”

A brief pause and elegant hands took up the order, diving into the dark of the white wooden cabinet and strolling back over to the sofa.

“do you know how to strike it?”

The blonde man plucks a match out of the box, stares down and strikes it on his teeth.

“I’m not that young.”

The black-haired man wants to make a joke of it- ask about the party trick, make light of the dramatic gesture. But sadly, it works, the blonde man’s little living movie scene gimmick, and while the air between them grows thick all he can do is breath in and lean back, salivate. Candles on the coffee table lit, the blonde man sinks into the seat next to him, breathes even in the silence and doesn’t look away from the flame.

Three years in a cold, golden counterweight. In a joke gone bad and a cheesy gimmick.

The blonde man swore to himself this wouldn’t end with them in bed.

The black-haired man swore inwardly that this could only end with them in bed.

And the night swore nothing, just lay itself on their laps, belly-up and threateningly expectant.

[teawithkpop]

[M] - PhysCom - Pt 3

pt 1 - pt 2 - pt 3 - bc 1 - pt 4 - pt 5 - pt 6

Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader

Rating: Mature [18+]

Length: 8.8k words

Genre: PhysCom AU - smut with dashes of angst, and a shitload of romance and complicated feelings,, uhuhu (porn with plot??)

Warnings: none for this chapter?? other than a boatload of angst and feelings and ahhhh holy shit wtf is going on

thank you all for being patient! ^^ I had a couple hiccups while writing this part, but thankfully I think everything is heading in the right direction now hehe~ hope you enjoy!

“I think we should go out there, and I should kiss you senseless, sweetheart.”

You stare at Namjoon, trying to calm your racing heart. He’s joking, right? He has got to be joking. Doling out kissing privileges is what got you into this mess in the first place. Stirring more jealousy into the pot probably won’t help things.

It takes a count of three before he laughs. “I’m kidding. Obviously.”

You squint at him. He didn’t sound like he was kidding. You glance down to button his jacket around you and notice that there’s a prominent tent in his pants.

Oh...

You smirk. “You sure you didn’t have any ulterior motives for that plan, Master Kim?” You tease him with the title and are pleased to see his cheeks flush when your head inclines ever so slightly towards his lap.

He coughs, clears his throat, straightens his tie. “Of course not.”

You can’t contain the grin on your face. “Really? Not a single, rock hard, reason?”

He readjusts his position, crossing his legs to hide the evidence of his arousal. “Nope.”

You laugh, and catch him grinning too.

“Okay, so maybe... it wasn’t the most objective plan,” he admits with a chuckle. If he’s trying to cheer you up, it’s working. You start to giggle and have to hold your sides as the laughter spills out, quickly turning delirious. A boner is such a preposterous thing to pretend to hide for the sake of manners when it’s your job to sexually satisfy them. Something about it just tickles an exhausted funny bone in you. “Sorry-” You burst into another fit of giggles, trying to catch your breath.

“Don’t apologize.” Namjoon says, his eyes smiling as few laughs slip out of him as well. He pets your hair while you catch your breath, his hand falling to your cheek, his eyes tender. “You look so sweet when you laugh.”

Your heart flutters. Kim Namjoon has the charm and charisma of a diplomat, but the kindness and consideration of a humanitarian. You don’t know how he manages to balance his professionalism with his personability, but he sure as hell manages it somehow. Your hand slips onto his knee and his thumb brushes your cheek, laughter still on the tips of your tongues. You feel like you're two kids on prom night, that same sort of silly sexual tension lingering between you.

He leans in, and your heart stops for a second, but his lips merely graze your forehead. He pulls back, his gaze clouded with something you can’t quite identify. “If you ever decide to add kissing to your list of services,” he says quietly, his gaze traveling over your face and down to your lips. “I’d like to be the first to know.”

You swallow. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you aren’t tempted to add it today, right now in fact, and plant one on him. But that would defeat the whole purpose of this discussion, so you somehow manage to resist the temptation.

His hand finds its way to your thigh, his eyes swirling with that indiscernible emotion, and you have to wonder if you're not the only one having to restrain yourself here.

"You'll be the first," you answer quietly, trapped under his mesmerizing gaze.

After a few agonizing moments of silence, he nods almost imperceptibly and pulls back with a smile, his hand retreating from your leg.

“Honestly,” he says, folding his hands in his lap. “I think the best solution is to talk it out with them.” It takes you a moment to realize he's returned to the matter at hand, talk of kissing you seemingly forgotten. “If you want me there, I’d be more than happy to mediate,” he offers, giving you a sidelong glance. “But if that doesn’t work, then maybe they’re not mature enough for the privilege of having you as a PhysCom.”

He shrugs, his tone and expression practical and professional. “I would recommend a suspension of your services for a few days. Remind them how much they really appreciate the work you do.”

You laugh at this option. “You want me to blue ball them?”

He chuckles wryly. “Well… consider it like discipline. If a kid isn’t treating their toys with respect, what do you do? You take away the toy and give them time to think about what they did.”

You look at him askance, surprised by his wisdom on the topic. “Since when did you know so much about raising kids?”

“I read a lot,” he replies cheekily.  “Anyway, we’d better get back out there before they start to speculate.” Namjoon stands, offering you a hand.

You take it, stand up, and start to shed his jacket, but he stops you. “Keep it on. It’s alright.” He moves the fabric back over your shoulders, his fingertips brushing your skin.

“Are you sure?” Your eyes meet his, and you can feel the tension in his gaze, ready to snap from the slightest tug.

He meets your eyes without hesitation. “I’m positive.” His gaze lingers on your lips again, and his hand brushes up from the jacket's collar to cup your neck. His thumb brushes softly along your jaw before he seems to remember himself. He pulls away with noticeable reluctance and goes to open the door. “Ladies first.”

You snort. “I’m not exactly a lady,” you reply, looking down at your nearly naked form, but you don’t argue with him and take the lead. He follows you out, shutting the door behind him.

------

The scene you return to in the dining room is unexpected. The dim, sensual lighting has been ruined by the regular lamps turned on in the corners of the room. Butlers and maids are cleaning up the table, and you count three less clients milling around than before.

It would seem the banquet is over.

"What happened?" You ask, hurrying over to Seokjin. "Where is everyone?"

He sighs and flashes you a weary smile. "I had to send Taehyung and Jimin to their rooms. They were... getting out of hand."

Yoongi snorts from across the table. "That's an understatement. Nearly started brawling. Don't know what the hell got into them."

Seokjin shoots him a warning glace. “Anyway, I thought it would be best to wrap things up for the evening.”

Your gaze darts around, checking who's still here. Jungkook, Yoongi, Seokjin, Namjoon, and... Hoseok? He's missing. "What about Master Jung?"

Yoongi's smirk fades and he looks down. "He said he wasn't feeling well. Asked to be excused."

Your stomach sinks. This is definitely your fault. Fuck, poor Hoseok. He’d been the one fucking you when you called your safe word, and you’d hate for him to think it was because of something he did. You want to run and go talk things out with him - with all of them, per Namjoon's suggestion, but your eyes catch on Jin again. His face is cast downward, a small frown on his face as he rolls a rose stem between his fingers forlornly.

You feel impossibly worse. Everything’s gone wrong. This was supposed to be his night to have you however he wants, and now the party's over before he even got to fuck you.

"Master Kim." You walk up beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder and pulling his attention away from the flower. "We can… take things back to your suite, if you wish." You look up at him sweetly, hoping you can at least try to make things right.

Jin shakes his head with a thin smile. "No, pet. You've been through enough tonight." He pets your hair and heaves another sigh. “You should get some rest.”

You look down to his pants and see a tent there similar to Namjoon’s. You touch his chest, sliding your hand down his stomach and towards his crotch. “But you-”

“No.” He takes a hold of your wrist before you can make contact where he needs it most. He takes a moment to breathe, the conflict of his wants and needs clear on his face. “No, you need some rest, my pet. It’s been a very busy evening.” He brings your hand up and holds it against his cheek instead. “You shouldn’t tax yourself.”

Your heart feels like it’s sunk below the floorboards, and you can’t keep the worry out of your eyes. None of them have ever turned you down like this before. Not when they’re hard. Not when this is your job.

“Master, I’m fine to do it, honestly. Besides... I can’t just leave you like this.” You say meaningfully, knowing that he would get in trouble if he takes care of the problem himself. He seems like he’s about to assure you when Yoongi pipes up again.

“Don’t worry about him. Another slut will take care of it tonight.”

What?

Seokjin’s jaw twitches and you sense he’s restraining himself from saying something. Did they talk about this while you were gone? “He’s right, darling.”

What the fuck.

“That’s what they’re there for, after all.”

What the fuck is happening.

“Don’t worry about me, just get some beauty sleep.”

What the actual fuck?

“You’ll feel better in the morning.” 

You wrench yourself out of Jin’s grasp, unable to believe what you’re hearing. Your head is spinning, lungs suddenly short of breath. This can’t be happening. Your career, your livelihood, their favoritism… all gone in one night. It’s only a matter of time now. The more they play with the other PhysComs - the fucking Secondaries - the less special you are in their eyes.

In one evening, you’ve become… exchangeable.

You grip the edge of the table, hands shaking as you start to see red.

“Darling?” Seokjin places a hand on your back, his eyes wide with concern. “Do you need some water? Some air?” 

You jerk away from him, your despair turning to rage. “I’m not some fucking flower! Okay? I said I’m fine!”

Jin looks startled. Namjoon comes over, his voice soothing. "Everything's alright, sweetheart. Let's get you to bed, okay?"

You wrench away from him too, stumbling back. "No! It's not fucking alright!" A heavy silence follows your outburst. All you can hear is your own labored breath. All their eyes are on you, wide with concern, and fear, and… pity.

You can't stand it, can't stand the way they're looking at you. Like their fuck toy is malfunctioning… You turn on your heel and dash out of the room, knocking into Jungkook in your haste. You push him aside, but not before your eyes meet and he can see the tears streaming down your cheeks.

You ignore them as they call after you, and you escape to your room for the second time that day.

-------

As you slam your door shut, you run over and flop onto the bed to cry into your pillow. Dramatic? Sure. Do you care? Not particularly. It’s not like anyone’s here to judge you and your pity party anyway.

Fuck, this is all wrong. How could things have gone so wrong so quickly?

This whole day has been a complete and utter mess, from the moment Taehyung had tried to kiss you. Or… maybe from the moment you let it happen.

You squeeze your eyes shut, replaying every agonizing moment up until now. The kissing, the feelings, the tension at dinner, the moment you broke... fuck, that one hurt.

But being replaced... that hurts even more.

You sob for a good long while, not caring if anyone could hear you. You just need to get it out, god you haven’t cried in so long. Once it’s out of your system, you’ll be back to normal, ready to fuck at a moment’s notice like always.

But then again, you’ve only been employed for six months. Is this just what happens after a while? Do PhysComs just… break? Is that why the job has such a high turnover?

Well, if that’s the case, then you’re screwed. You might as well start begging on the street now. Sure the money you’ve earned so far is enough to float you through for a little while, but without another job to replace this one, it won’t last for very long.

Being a PhysCom is everything you’ve trained for, everything you’ve ever wanted. Without it, you’re nothing. You have no identity outside of your training, no skill set outside of pleasuring others, no prospects… no hope.

Would your family take you back in?

You know the answer immediately. No, no they wouldn’t. Not after what you did to them.

You have no friends aside from the other people you trained with, but you’ve long since lost contact with them, any ties to them were cut once you were hired and shipped off here.

Could you get another job? Highly unlikely.

Once someone becomes a PhysCom, the position is recorded on their government file, branding them for life as a personal sex worker. Random day jobs don’t hire people who were previously fuck toys, it reflects badly on their brand. New employers for PhysComs scrutinize previous positions mercilessly. Any criticism or stain on your performance record will put you out of the running in favor of someone just out of training. No one wants to take leftovers when there’s so much fresh meat on the market.

You have no plan B. Your life is ruined, crumbling apart before your very eyes.

Your ComGear buzzes incessantly, but you ignore it. They can message you all you want, you’re done for today. If they want to get off so badly, they can go find some Secondaries. Clearly, that’s the best solution while you’re here agonizing over your career and ‘getting some beauty sleep’, as Seokijn put it. Ugh.

Now would be the perfect time to masturbate and relieve some of this anger and stress. If only you could actually orgasm.

It’s only then that you see the envelope sitting at the bottom of your door. You hadn’t noticed it before, someone must have slipped it inside at some point.

You crawl off your bed with a sniff, your eyes still puffy from crying so much. It’s a small yellow envelope with your name on it. You open it, unfolding a piece of paper, creased in half to fit inside.

I’m sorry things got out of hand. I hope you can forgive me. - Hoseok ♡

The fact that he sent you a note instead of a text makes your heart feel funny. God, the world doesn’t deserve someone as good as Hoseok.

That’s it. Fuck your beauty sleep. You’ve made up your mind. You’re going to set at least one thing right from this trainwreck of an evening, and you won’t sleep until you do.

You throw on a bathrobe and peek out into the hallway outside your room, but thankfully you see no one. It doesn’t take you long to tiptoe to Hoseok’s room, and before long, you’re knocking softly on his door, the note clutched in your hand.

There’s no answer, and you worry for a moment that he might have already gone to bed. But soon the door creaks open, and Hoseok peers out. He looks awful, hair a wreck, dress shirt rumpled with a few buttons undone, and his eyes are puffy. Had he been crying, too?

“Oh,” He looks both panicked and relieved to see you. “Hi... um, listen about earlier-”

You shake your head and give him a half-smile, holding up the note as evidence. “You already apologized.”

“No, but I-” He stops, sighs, and opens his door all the way, rubbing the back of his neck. “Here, come inside. I want to talk to you.”

“Me too.” You fold your arms around yourself and go in, looking at him imploringly as he shuts the door behind you. “Master Jung, I didn’t use my safe word tonight because of anything you did. I want you to know that.”

He shakes his head, showing you a sad smile. “You don’t have to lie to me. I was the only one doing anything to you.”

Your eyebrows knit together in concern. Fuck. He does blame himself.

“Honestly, I was just… distracted. I’ve had a lot on my mind recently, so I wasn’t-”

“That’s exactly the problem.” He interrupts you with a stormy expression, and your eyes widen. He huffs. “I wasn’t considering your feelings.”

You blink in surprise. Your what now?

“I just… didn’t question Jin-hyung’s orders. Even though Jimin was reluctant to do it. I should’ve realized something wasn’t right, that you weren’t feeling up to it. I shouldn’t have let my dick do the thinking.” He looks to the floor, chewing the inside of his cheek. “I’m really sorry.”

Your mouth hangs agape. He’s talking as if this is about your whims. As if you have a say in the work you’ve already signed up for, as stated by your contract. Like having sex is negotiable.

“Hoseok…” You say his name without thinking, and his wide-eyed gaze snaps up to meet yours. “I think there’s a misunderstanding here.”

He nods. “Yeah, there is. A big fucking misunderstanding,” he laughs ruefully. “I misunderstood your place here with us. I realized tonight that… I had started seeing you as just a sex toy.”

You simply state the truth. “But that’s what I am.”

“No! You’re not!” You flinch as he shouts, his hands flying into the air. He grabs you by the arms, his eyes full of despair and regret. “You’re a human being, with thoughts and emotions and…” He realizes that he’s gripping you and hastily releases his hold. “Sorry.” He murmurs, sighing as he goes to sit down on his bed, head in his hands.

You’re a little shaken up by his passion. Why does he suddenly care about your thoughts and emotions? He should care about your feelings about as much as he cares about the feelings of their toaster oven. By the industries standards, you’re a fuck doll, nothing more. You’re not even supposed to have feelings, at least not when you’re on the job.

But… technically, right now… you’re done for the day. Off the clock.

You feel bad letting him stew in his little pit of blame, and you join him on the bed, sitting beside him. “It’s not your fault,” you reiterate. “If I really wasn’t feeling up to it, I should have taken the evening off."

Although you would never willingly do such a thing, it’s not uncommon for three or four PhysComs to be on the job for a group simultaneously, in case any of them are under the weather, or too tired to perform well.

Yours is a unique case, tackling all seven members’ pleasure single-handedly. You wouldn’t have been permitted to take on such a challenge had you not received such glowing reviews from your trainers. You’ve finally achieved what you had been working towards all that time.

Of course, now you might be at risk of losing everything.

“It was all a… stupid accident.” You might be thinking of more than just what happened at dinner, but Hoseok doesn’t need to know that.

He glances at you, still looking remorseful.

You get an idea. Why not play to your strengths? It can only benefit you to remind as many members as possible why you’re their Primary.

“You know, they say the best way to get over an accident… is to get back in the saddle.” You murmur, reaching your fingers out to graze his thigh. “Do you want to have a do-over, cowboy?”

His expression grows more concerned. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Fuck no. But you’re not sure of anything recently. “It can’t hurt, right?”

Hoseok looks conflicted. He doesn’t take your hand off his leg, but you aren’t about to advance further without confirmation. He studies your face, searching for something. “Do you even want to?”

You blink. Why is everyone suddenly asking for your consent? It’s implied. You signed a contract. That’s like asking to eat the food on your plate. “It doesn’t matter what I want, master.”

“Well, it matters to me.” His voice wavers as he reaches up to touch your cheek. “Your feelings matter to me. I don’t want to think of you as some mindless sex doll, because you’re not.”

His unexpected words strike right through your heart, leaving you raw and vulnerable.

“You may act like one, but you’re not. You’re a person.” He tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you, and I don’t ever want you to be uncomfortable again.”

You stare at him, eyes wide and cheeks flushed. What the hell is he saying?

“Starting now, I will never have sex with you unless you want to, okay? That’s a promise.” His eyes are like melted caramel, soft and warm and sweet, as he leans closer and starts kissing your neck. His lips are soft, apologetic. Whispering praises and apologies while his hand caresses your waist.

The stutter in your heartbeat means nothing. His words mean nothing. They don’t make any sense. Your pleasure doesn’t factor into the equation.

He can’t just do this, can’t just treat you like he cares about more than your body. He can’t cater to your deepest fantasies like this. It’s cruel.

“Hoseok,” your breath catches as he nips gently at your neck. “Master Jung-”

“I like Hoseok better. Or Hobi…” he murmurs, pulling the collar of your bathrobe aside to trail kisses along your shoulder.

“Hoseok,” you try again, a little more strength in your tone, despite how weak you feel with his lips on you like this. “This isn’t right.”

“Do you want me to stop? I will,” he says, lips hovering just above your skin.

No. No, you don’t want him to stop, says a part of your brain, the part that’s been dreaming about situations like this. Being held, being kissed, being loved… But the rest of your brain knows that you can’t risk it.

“You can do whatever you want to me. That’s the point,” you reply feebly. You’re not sure how else to get your message across, since he seems to have batted away your usual arguments. “I exist for your pleasure.”

“Well, what if I exist for yours, hm?” He smirks, pulling back to look at you. “What if I take care of you when you take care of me?”

Your eyes widen. Reciprocation goes against your entire job description, and besides, it’s pointless. He has to know that he’s breaking the rules, but he doesn’t seem to care at all.

His hand cups your jaw, his thumb running gently along your cheek. “You deserve so much more than being treated like a toy.”

You’re stunned into silence. Everything he’s saying is wrong.

But is it bad? Would it be so bad to let him take care of you, to let him appreciate you, if that’s what he truly wants?

“I exist for your pleasure… whatever form that may take.” You hesitantly reiterate the rules, if for no other reason than to clear your conscience. “If it’s what you want, then go ahead.”

He shakes his head. “Nope, sorry. It has to be something you want.” He smiles and leans closer, his eyes searching your face. “Do you want me, baby? Just be honest. Be yourself tonight.”

God damn it. You try to look away, but he gently turns your cheek back to face him. You can’t resist him. He gives you a warmth you haven’t known in ages, filling up every crack and crevice in your heart, and you desperately miss it, aching for the sensation of being wanted by someone… of being worthy.

Your willpower is dwindling. You can feel your breaking point approaching. Fuck it, if they might replace you anyway, what’s the worst that could happen?

You close your eyes, steeling yourself to let your walls down and to keep them down, at least for this little while. You inhale deeply, almost holding your breath.

“I want you, Hoseok.”

The truth comes out as merely a whisper, but once you start you can’t stop, the dam already broken. “I want you, god I want you so much, I-”

Soft lips cover your own. Oh… he’s tender and passionate all at once. His hands are greedy, unable to get enough of you, and yet they’re reverent, considerate, floating over your body and touching your face like you’re something important. Like you’re special to him.

It goes against every fiber of your being, every hour of your years of training, but fuck… it feels so good to be able to kiss him like this, with no inhibitions. He pulls you onto his lap, deepening the kiss as his hands grip your ass, pushing up the hem of your robe to really feel you.

You forget, in this moment, that he’s your client, and you wind your hands up and around the back of his neck, playing with his hair and humming into his sweet, soft lips. Everything about Hoseok feels warm, and sweet, and right. Shit, why does this feel so right?

“Good girl…” His tongue slips into your mouth and starts teasing yours, licking into your wet cavern while his hands wander over your body. He peels off your robe, slowly exposing your skin to his blissful hands and they rub and trace every curve and contour.

You can feel the smile on his lips as he glides his hands up your body. One stays on your ass, kneading the soft flesh while his other comes up to ghost over your breast, his thumb circling over your nipple with a languid motion. He’s in no rush. This isn’t a quick fuck, this is… something else, and the thrill of the unknown has you leaning into his touch, desperate to discover more.

He breaks away from your lips for air, leaning down to mouth at your other tit instead, causing you to whimper. “You’re so beautiful…” he murmurs, sucking on the sensitive bud while his hand gropes at the other side, pinching and rolling your nipple in his fingers.

You gasp at the blissful sensation, but a looming sense of dread grows as he continues, as you know his hard work won’t lead anywhere, and soon will follow the inevitable frustration of not being able to climax. The first cloud on the spotless horizon of your little tryst. 

“Hoseok…” you moan his name, rolling your hips into his lap, where you can feel his cock through his pants. “Let me do you now.” 

“Tonight’s not about me,” He doesn’t let up on his barrage of pleasure, smirking against your skin. “When was the last time you came, sweetness?”

You swallow. Shit, this wasn’t a good idea, was it?

“I… I can’t wait. Fuck me now, please...” You whine the excuse, grinding your bare pussy against his crotch. You remember what he said about doing what you desire. “I want you to fuck me, please…” Your voice drips with a very real desperation as your pleasure starts to reach its plateau.

He pulls back and chuckles. “Already? You sure you don’t want me to eat out that pretty pussy of yours? I could make you feel so good…” His tongue darts out to trace around his lips, and he slips the hand from your ass around to your front, testing how wet you are. “Fuck, I want to taste you so badly. Make you cum on my tongue, baby.”

You shake your head involuntarily, eyes wide and your cheeks turning red.

Heoseok smirks, mistaking your worry for shyness. “Aww, baby…” He kisses you again, rocking his hips up to meet yours. “It’s okay. I know this must be a big change for you.” He chuckles and scoots himself back onto the bed with you still in his lap, and you move to straddle him. “We can work up to it next time, okay?”

Next time?

You don’t have time to worry about such a troublesome prospect, as Hoseok wastes no time, fishing his cock out of his pants and lining himself up with your entrance, still fully clothed. “You ready, baby?” He leans in to kiss you again, and when you nod, he pushes slowly inside you. Hoseok’s cock is long and lithe, just like him, and it’s always able to reach your farthest corners. His stamina is also through the roof, probably from all that dancing, and whenever he plays with you, he often leaves you feeling fucked silly by the end of it. You prepare yourself for another such dizzying experience.

“Ah, fuck... “ He takes his time to sheath himself fully inside you, using the moment to feel every crevice of your walls, his cock throbbing from the sensation. You squeeze your walls around him, expecting him to start fucking you roughly any minute.

Instead his hands glide over your back, down to your ass again as he holds you almost supportively. You whine and buck desperately against his hips, but he stills your movement, silencing any complaints with another tongue-filled kiss. He takes his sweet time moving in and out of you, reaching deep inside of you with every thrust as his moans vibrate against your lips, the wet sounds of sex filling the otherwise silent room.

For some reason, your senses are heightened by his slow pace, and it feels even more intense than some of your roughest sessions. Every little twitch and rub of his hard cock into your sopping entrance has tingles of pleasure shivering up your spine, your heart racing even though he’s barely done anything. You arch your back, moaning into his mouth as he hits a particularly good angle.

He notices and adjusts his position, soon finding a lazy, easy pace to slide in and out of you, as if he has all the time in the world, and he wants to spend as much of it joined with you as possible.

“So fucking beautiful…” His voice is hoarse, thickly laced with something you can’t explain. He lays back onto the bed, pulling you with him, chest to chest, and continues to kiss you like he can’t get enough. You start to bounce on his cock, but his hands still grip you firmly at your hips, controlling the pace.

You groan at his agonizing slowness, but it feels so good, you can’t really complain. Shit, why didn’t they ask for this kind of sex more often? It feels incredible, like… like softcore porn. It’s… emotional, and raw, and deep. You feel like he’s touching your very soul with every stroke inside the furthest reaches of your core.

“Fuck, H-Hoseok…” you whimper, each languid push of his body has you trembling, aching for more. What is happening? You’ve never felt this before, this ache, this desire to keep him deep within your walls, forever sharing kisses and sweet touches.

“I’ve got you, baby,” he murmurs softly, supporting your back as he pushes even deeper with a groan. “You’re safe with me.”

You shudder and lean into him, and a memory from your training days comes to the surface.

“Never trust your client.” Madame paces in front of the class, her eyes scanning each girls’ face. “They will only betray you in the end.”

This is one of many talks Madame likes to have with her class, explaining not only the official rules, but also the practical ones. The things no one but other PhysComs would think to discuss.

“You are your own representative in their house. An independent contractor. Never let yourself be vulnerable around them.” Madame’s voice is strong and clear, full of intention.

Her eyes fall to your face, her gaze full of burning embers.

“Don’t fall for their guises of kindness.”

You gasp as Hoseok flips you two over, laying you gently onto the bed as he trails kisses up your body between murmured praises. “Fuck, baby… You’re so beautiful...”

You shudder, writhing beneath him as he lines himself up with your entrance again.

“Does it feel good, baby? Tell me.” He smiles brightly and leans down to kiss your neck, clearly pleased with his progress as he rubs his tip through your slick folds, eliciting another whimper from you. “I want to make you feel so good…”

“F-feels…”  Your voice trails off as you come upon a moment of clarity. What are you doing? How did you get into such a predicament? “Hoseok. This isn’t right.”

He stops, pulls back enough to look at you. “What’s not right, baby? I’ll fix it.”

You huff out a laugh, already feeling your stomach start to sink. “Why are you doing this?”

He looks confused. “Because I want to make you feel good.”

“No. No you don’t, because that’s not part of our arrangement,” you explain, looking up at his stunningly handsome face. A part of your heart hurts just looking at him, knowing he can never be yours.

“Well… maybe we can make a new arrangement,” he says quietly, the confidence in his eyes wavering.

You feel bad bringing the harsh truth into this when he’s worked so hard to live out this little fantasy with you, but you must. You can’t stay in this bed, in this daydream, forever. You know from experience, it’s best to rip the bandaid off, make sure he knows that this can’t be seen as anything more than indulgence and a lack of self control on your part.

 “Hobi, you don’t even know my name.” You look at him somberly, and as his face falls, you find yourself wishing the two of you were in a different world, living different lives, where you could let him kiss you and hold you and fuck you like this and not feel guilty about it. Your eyes fall downward, stewing in regret. Fuck, this would’ve hurt a lot less if you hadn’t given in and let him take your heart so easily.

You start to get up from the bed, but strong arms pull you back in, hugging you from behind.

“Hoseok.” Your tone is that of reprimanding a child. You have to be the responsible one here. It’s not his job to make sure you’re following the rules. “I should go.”

“I may not know your name, but I know you.” His voice is tender and soft, like sweet caramel, and he buries his face into the crook of your neck. “I’ve lived with you for six months, and they’ve been the best time of my life…” He plants soft kisses on your neck. “You make me happy.”

You feel numb. Why is he saying this? Doesn’t he realize how hard he’s making it to rip off this stupid bandaid?

He keeps kissing your skin, his hands skimming over your stomach and thighs. “Please…” he whispers, kissing and nibbling the shell of your ear. “Please stay with me. Just for tonight.”

Fuck. Fuck your weak heart. He can’t do this to you.

“Hobi… there are rules, I can’t just-”

“Forget the rules for a second. Do you want to stay?” He pauses his affection to give you a moment to think, and you find yourself wishing he’d continue.

Well, there’s your answer then. If there were no rules… you’d stay in this bed with him for as long as he’d let you. But you can’t bring yourself to say it. Your tongue, your lips… they won’t move, frozen in fear of the truth buried deep in your heart.

He must be able to sense your inner struggle, because his hands resume caressing and squeezing your body reassuringly. “Either way, I won’t tell anyone what happened, okay? Tonight is off the record.”

It’s those words, those stupid, considerate words, that have your paper-thin resolve crumpling once more.

You turn around in his arms, cup his jaw, and kiss him deeply, fully, your heart racing from the act of rebellion. He makes a small noise of surprise, but quickly reciprocates, a smile tugging at his lips. You exchange sloppy, heated kisses with him for several moments, basking in his natural warmth, before he pulls away.

“So… I’ll take that as a yes?” He smirks, his eyes dancing with playful affection.

You let out a laugh in spite of yourself. “Yes,” you sigh, shoving out all your worries and fears. Despite the warnings of your training days, you trust Hoseok. You have no reason not to do so. He’s shown you nothing but kindness and understanding.

He looks overjoyed at your reply, and kisses your once more, giddy and laughing throughout all of his tender little pecks. “But if you change your mind, you tell me. Alright, princess?” He coos, petting your cheek.

You nod, shy from his shower of affection.

He grins and repositions the two of you so he’s hovering above you again, and starts to unbutton his shirt. “Now, where were we?”

You blush as he exposes his smooth chest and sheds his shirt, tossing it aside. Even though you’ve seen him naked before, this feels more private somehow… almost intimate. Like he’s doing it exclusively for your benefit.

“Mm… we can stay like this all night long.” He leans down and kisses you again, taking your hand and guiding it to his chest, encouraging you to touch him. He then trails his lips down your neck and over your breasts before pausing again. “Oh, and um… do you mind telling me your name, baby?”

You blink in surprise. “Why?”

Hoseok lines himself up with your entrance, slowly starting to fuck you again, and he pulls back enough to look at you. He touches his forehead to yours, a sheepish grin on his face while he slides in and out of you, blissfully filling you up again and again.

“I want to know what name I should be moaning when I cum tonight.”

-------

Sunlight streams through the window, and you roll over to avoid it. You're too wrapped up in fantasies and dreams, and oh… wait, was last night a dream? Your heart sinks. There's no warm body next to yours. No trace of any evidence.

Maybe it’s better this way. It was a delicious dream, and you’ll file it away with the others you’ve had. Your career still needs some damage control, but at least you won’t have to deal with rebuilding your dignity after a night of misdemeanors. 

You prop up on your elbows, blinking the sleep out of your eyes and your heart stops at what you see. Hoseok's room. You're in Hoseok's room.

Well, shit… that's evidence if you ever saw it. Right? But where's Hoseok?

As if summoned by your thoughts, the boy appears from his en-suite bathroom, rubbing a towel through his hair.

The sight makes you inexplicably shy, and you bury back beneath the covers, as if to hide yourself from view. You hear him chuckle.

"Morning, princess."

You hunker down and hide even more, your heart racing. What the hell is wrong with you? You're a professional sex worker. Sex workers do not get shy the morning after.

The covers are lifted from you, revealing your face, and soft lips touch your own before you can object. "I had a great time. Did you?"

You stare up at him, looking like a Greek god in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, the one from his hair now slung around his shoulders. He’s effortlessly sexy and it’s totally unfair.

You pull your knees up to your chest, biting your lip warily. “Hoseok… about last night. What… what was that?”

He looks mildly confused, but still smiles and sits beside you, gently running his hand up and down your leg. “What do you mean?”

You look away from him. He’s too sweet, too bright for the grave clarity and turmoil seeping into your system with the arrival of the morning. “The sex. It felt… different.”

If anything, his grin grows wider. “Really? How so?” If you didn’t know better, you’d say he looks smug right now.

“I don’t know. It was like… you were filling up my whole body, not just my cunt. I felt it all over, inside and outside. It was… really good.” You mumble out the last few words, and you don’t need to look at him to know he’s practically beaming now. “Is there a word for that? What do you call that?”

Hoseok’s finger hooks under your chin, gently turning your head to face him. His eyes are warm and sparkling with humor, as if you just made a joke and didn’t realize it.

“I would call that making love,” he says softly, a hint of cheek in his tone.

Your mouth parts in shock as you recognize the truth of his analysis. “Making love?” You echo softly.

He nods with a chuckle and leans in to kiss you, his thumb stroking your cheek. “It’s like sex, but with feelings,” he explains, his eyes full of adoration as he looks at you. “Was it alright?”

It’s only as he asks you this that you realize why it felt so different.

He hadn’t given you a single command last night.

You’d had sex with him without being commanded to do it. It had just been a… mutual desire. You feel dizzy at the realization. That constitutes an explicit violation of your contract. If anyone finds out, you’ll be fired for sure.

You’re short of breath, panic taking over as the world seems to spiral around you. Hoseok’s eyes widen and he holds you steadily, pulling you into his strong arms.

“Whoa, whoa. It’s okay, w-what’s wrong?” He sounds concerned as he pets your hair, letting you rest your chin on his shoulder. “Was it… not alright?”

You shake your head, desperately trying to keep your tears at bay. The last thing you need is for him to see you cry. All your training, all your effort to get this job, your career, your livelihood, it’s all disappearing, leaving you with nothing but failure on the horizon.

“What’s wrong, baby?” He asks again, gently coaxing you to speak.

You inhale shakily. Hoseok is too good for this. He’d be an amazing boyfriend. He deserves an actual girl to hold who can love him the way he deserves. One who doesn’t have rules to follow and boundaries to keep. A girl who can fully give herself to him and make love with him whenever he wants. Whenever they both want. Because that’s a real relationship.

Not this. Not like what you have. You and Hoseok… you can never be like that.

Because you’re just his Physical Companion.

All of his kindness, his gentleness, it’s all wasted on you. You don’t deserve it.

“This can’t happen again.” It’s all you can manage to say.

He’s silent for a moment, rubbing your back while your breathing slowly returns to normal. “Okay,” he says softly. He doesn’t ask any questions, he doesn’t fly into a rage, he just accepts your decision, and that makes you feel even more torn. He really deserves better than this.

“But if you ever want it to happen again,” He pulls back enough to look you in the eyes, and wipes a single tear off your cheek before it can fall. “You know where to find me. Just say the word.”

He looks at you and gives you a small smile. His eyes hold more heartbreak and empathy than you thought possible, and he whispers your name just once before bestowing one last, sweet kiss to your lips.

“Come on,” he says gently, standing up and starting to get dressed. “I’ll walk you back to your room.”

-------

You feel strange as you enter your room once again, everything exactly the way you left it. Hoseok had given you a kiss on the cheek before heading downstairs to get breakfast, humming a tune to himself, like nothing at all had happened.

Maybe he was pretending for your sake, or maybe last night didn’t really mean that much to him. You shake that thought away as impossible. Not even the most skilled actors could fake the level of intimacy Hoseok showed you last night.

You sigh and head over to your bed, sitting down to process the events of the past twenty-four hours. You slept with a client outside of working hours. He made love to you. But you liked it. It felt amazing. But now you might lose your job. You feel guilty for not being able to make love to him, even though it’s a ridiculous notion in and of itself. But you broke your contract, so do the rules even matter any more?

You’re uncertain, you’re scared, but also strangely excited... liberated. You wish you had a friend or maybe even a therapist to talk to, just so you can sort all this out and get a game plan together.

Your ComGear buzzes again from your night table, and you realize it’s been going off for a while. Are they really messaging you this early?

You pick up the slim device and swipe the screen up, expecting to find many missed notifications. Instead what greets you is something utterly different.

An unfamiliar purple screen, with an empty text box in the center and a question above it.

Cardinal Rule?

Consent. The answer comes immediately, drilled into you by Madame from your training days, and you type it into the text box. A green check mark appears next to the box, and suddenly a new screen is there, successfully unlocked.

It’s a chatroom, with messages from lots of strange usernames, occasionally bumped upward by new messages. It’s active.

What the fuck?

You look a little closer and start reading the texts.

[ PCsv01_svt  ]: yeah, it’s not fair at all lol [ PCsv03_twc ]: i’m so jealous TT [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: can u send more?? ur both so cute!! [ PCsv02_svt  ]: sure! hang on ^^

A few photos appear in the next message from them. The same couple is pictured in each one, making various cute poses together, kissing each other... 

You recognize the girl.

“Sascha...?” You whisper, your heart stopping as you cover your mouth. The sight of your old friend has tears springing to your eyes. You thought you’d never see her again.

But why is she in these photos? Who is she with? Who the fuck are all these people? What the hell is going on?

[ PCsv01_svt  ]: guys hang on [ PCsv01_svt  ]: pc for bts is here [ PCsv02_svt  ]: wait for real?! [ PCsv02_svt  ]: finally!! [ PCsv02_svt  ]: GIRL HOW ARE YOU [ PCsv02_svt  ]: it’s me sascha!! ^^ [ PCsv09_$px ]: glad you made it.. [ PCsv04_blp  ]: hi there [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: eyyyyy how’s it goin?

You stare in confusion and fear at the messages. Could that actually be Sascha? How is this possible?

You slowly type out a message, your curiosity overpowering your fear, and hit send before you can stop yourself.

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: what the fuck is going on [ PCsv01_bts  ]: what is this place

A reply comes quickly.

[ PCsv01_svt  ]: this is the private network for physcoms [ PCsv01_svt  ]: it’s inaccessible to anyone but us [ PCsv02_svt  ]: don’t worry! it’s safe here ^^ [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: welcome to the dark web babes B) I’m blake

Your palms are sweating. Dark web? Private network?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: what do you mean? that’s impossible [ PCsv01_bts  ]: who set this up?? [ PCsv03_mtx ]: I know it sounds fake but this is legit [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: ur mom did lol [ PCsv02_svt  ]: Madame did! and other pc trainers~

You try to make sense of it. Another memory surfaces, one from your very first week at training. You had collapsed during basic stamina extensions trying to get the best score and outdo your classmates, and Madame had called you and your fellow trainees together for a talk...

“Girls. We are independant, yes. We are strong, yes.” Madame’s gaze sweeps across the worn out faces, her own expression steely, with an underlying kindness. Madame is strict, but only because she knows it’s what’s best for all of you.

“We must always rely on ourselves in this business,” she continues. “But also on each other.” 

“You are all in the same boat together. We PhysComs are the belittled backbone of society. Needed, but kept hidden. Brushed aside when it comes to our own needs. No one is on our side… except our fellow sex workers.” Her gaze drops to the floor for a moment, and the room is utterly silent while she collects her thoughts.

She turns her gaze to you, as if appraising your behavior. “I believe you all have the potential to be the best workers in the industry. But you won’t get there on your own.”

You swallow, but meet her gaze with determination.

She gives the slightest huff at your boldness, her gaze scanning the crowd again. “Stick together. Help each other succeed. You’ll find it’s much better that way.”

At the time, you thought she meant supporting each other during training. But… could this be what she was hinting at? A PhysCom support group?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: Madame did this? [ PCsv06_ast  ]: lots of people contributed~ [ PCsv02_svt  ]: yup! micha is here too!! ^^ [ PCsv03_mtx ]: that would be me :) how’ve you been?

Micha? Another trainee from your group. You didn’t talk to her as much, but you remember she was cool and friendly. How could this be happening? What does all of this mean?

A thought occurs to you and a flash of fear hits your stomach. What if this is a setup? A ploy by your network to scope out rulebreakers - of which you are now one.

Fuck. How can you be sure this is real?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: I… don’t trust this [ PCsv03_mtx ]: I didn’t at first either but it’s cool [ PCsv01_svt  ]: I understand your hesitation [ PCsv01_svt  ]: but this network is completely detached from your old one [ PCsv01_svt  ]: you’re off the grid [ PCsv02_svt  ]: connecting to the network also jailbreaks your gear!! you can use it like a phone now ^^

Wait, what? You tap back to your home screen. It looks like the boys’ phones. Instead of a handful of apps only approved by your network, you now have an app store, web browser, camera app, and standard phone and messaging apps instead of the restricted ones from before.

Holy shit.

You tap back into the chatroom, typing another message.

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: who are all of you? [ PCsv01_svt  ]: we’re PhysComs just like you [ PCsv01_svt  ]: I’m Antione [ PCsv06_ast  ]: hi~ nice to meet you! [ PCsv06_ast  ]: my name’s aashi hehe

This is all too much to take in. These are all other PhysComs?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: how did I get here? [ PCsv01_svt  ]: you were playing solitaire, right? [ PCsv01_svt  ]: used the find your friends option? [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: boom that’s how you got here babes B) [ PCsv01_bts  ]: that… doesn’t make any sense [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: doesn’t have to, ur here now lol [ PCsv02_svt  ]: think about it! what do you do when you need help? find your friends! ^^

So… a solitaire app is the gateway to the PhysCom dark web? You shake your head, trying to wrap your mind around the absurdity. You feel like you’re in a weird dream.

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: this is… bizarre [ PCsv01_bts  ]: sascha… who was in those pictures? [ PCsv02_svt  ]: oh! that’s Josh~ he’s my client <3 [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: and her boyyyfrieeend lolol [ PCsv02_svt  ]: yeah hehe ^///^ my adorable namchin~~

Um… what?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: wait wtf [ PCsv01_bts  ]: client?? boyfriend?? [ PCsv01_bts  ]: which is he? [ PCsv02_svt  ]: both… <3

Your eyes are glued to the screen, your heart racing. This isn’t possible. Sascha is… dating her client? She can’t be. That’s not allowed. She’ll be fired.

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: you can’t do that sach! you’ll lose your job... [ PCsv02_svt  ]: aww no I won’t honey~ it’s okay [ PCsv02_svt  ]: we’re all dating clients! ^^ [ PCsv06_ast  ]: well.. most of us haha [ PCsv09_$px ]: not all of us are that lucky... [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: some of us are dating multiple clients ;) [ PCsv01_svt  ]: happens all the time

What sort of alternate reality have you stumbled upon…?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: um how are you not all fired? [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: ummmm bc they want to date us too?? Lol [ PCsv01_svt  ]: since we’re all disconnected, the only real risk is if the client informs their company of the relationship [ PCsv02_svt  ]: but Joshie would never do that! he wants to be with me, even if it’s in secret <3 [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: she got him whipped lol [ PCsv02_svt  ]: yeah... I do ^^ hehe [ PCsv01_svt  ]: as long as feelings are reciprocated, being fired is almost impossible

This is either a trap, or they’re all crazy. They can’t just date their clients, it goes against every rule in the book. And yet...  you sense a glimmer of hope in spite of yourself. If they can do it, then why can’t you?

Your thoughts are interrupted by a sudden knock on your door and you nearly jump out of your skin. You shove your ComGear under your pillow and rush to go answer it, your heart beating out of your chest and cheeks flushed from your rebellious activities.

You try to tame your hair and take a deep breath before answering the door, your brain still whirring in an attempt to make sense of all that you just read.

Jimin and Taehyung stand outside, both looking embarrassed. Taehyung gives you a small smile.

“Morning, jagiya. Do you have a minute?”

[nnegan13]

Okay, so the Boat Scene (as I am hereby calling it): chock full of symbolism and metaphors and it’s making me yell, quite frankly. 

Given that this is a period romance, each interaction between designated or potential love interests should be looked at with a Romantic Lens, which is how I drew these metaphors. I am no expert at script writing or directing or filming or anything involved with TV production, plus it’s really late and my brain isn’t working super well anymore lmao. Forgive me for not being the most coherent I’ve ever been. 

I’ve written a transcript of the dialogue as well as actions I find significant to the scene. It can be found here, along with where I use it in this meta. The video of the scene can be found here (ok it’s not working in my drive but I'm leaving it there in hopes that I'll remember to come back to it in the morning). also bc tumblr hates me I've put this all in a doc that has the original formatting I used if you want to, like, not be as confused as the tumblr formatting of this meta will make you lmao. 

now to the meta. @viviansternwood thanks for being my excuse to do this  lmaooo <3

The scene occurs in four shifts: rowing, rivers, boats, and rowing again. 

Shift the first: rowing 

Charlotte: It’s a little over an hour until the race Mr. Parker, I’m letting all the competitors know.  Sidney: Thank you. What do you think Miss Heywood, do I look ready to you?  C: I’m no expert.  S: Neither am I, regrettably. I haven’t picked up an oar in years. Sidney picks up the oars.  C: I’m sure it will come back to you. S: I wonder.  Sidney heads to the boat. Charlotte picks up her own set of oars and walks to the boat as well. She hands him the oars  S: Thank you. 

The dialogue is innocent enough, but the metaphor can be drawn looking at this line from Sidney: 

S: Neither am I, regrettably. I haven’t picked up an oar in years.

In years should immediately draw attention, given that Sidney also hasn’t been in a relationship since his with Eliza, years ago. With this connection, the metaphor that rowing skill is romantic skill is established. The scene reads much differently now: 

Charlotte: It’s a little over an hour until the race Mr. Parker, I’m letting all the competitors know.  Sidney: Thank you. What do you think Miss Heywood, do I look ready to you?  —> Do I look ready for a relationship? I mean, in your opinion?  C: I’m no expert.  —> I don’t know, I’ve never been in a relationship before, I’m no expert on them.  S: Neither am I, regrettably. I haven’t picked up an oar in years. —> I wouldn’t say I’m an expert on romance either, I haven’t been in a relationship in years.  Sidney picks up the oars.  C: I’m sure it will come back to you.  —> *thinking about the fact that his last girlfriend is back* I’m sure it won’t be a problem for you to work it out again.  S: I wonder.  —> *thinking about everything that’s gone wrong with Charlotte rather than Eliza in any capacity* I doubt it.  Sidney heads to the boat. Charlotte picks up her own set of oars and walks to the boat as well. She hands him the oars  S: Thank you. 

Now for the oars. I’m real big on word definitions so: 

Oars are specifically used to propel boats through the water. Sidney takes a set, Charlotte takes a set, they both end up in the boat. Onto shift two. 

Shift Two: the river and philosophy 

Since the romantic lens is already applied to this scene, we can just look straight at the dialogue without establishing the romantic connection.  

Charlotte begins to turn back to the tent.  —> Sidney sees her leaving and immediately calls her back. Like literally look at the video I’m gonna attach to the end of this and just scream. As soon as he sees her turn around he launches into this concept like, Sidney, dude, you’re not being subtle.  S: A man cannot step into the same river twice, you ever heard that?  —> I don’t think I can get back together with Eliza. Do you understand why?  Both sets of oars are now placed in the boat. During the last line, Sidney put Charlotte’s oars down as he spoke.  —> think of the definition of oars while I hold you in suspense for Shift the Third C: He is not the same man and it is not the same river.  —> You are not the same and neither is Eliza.  Sidney smiles.  —> Damn you understand me better than I understand myself.  C: It’s Heraclitus.  —> I have to cite my sources that aren’t my personal investments in your romantic life.  S: Yes. Of course you’d know that. Well— —> The fact that you know that pleases me to absolutely no end. 

Metaphor established: the river is Eliza and Sidney’s relationship, Sidney can’t step back into it because he is a different man. 

According to this neat philosophy website, Heraclitus’s original quote is more like  

Which apparently means something like this:  

Which in the context of our dear Sidney and Charlotte means that over the years, since personalities are not stagnant and people do change, Sidney “stepping into” Eliza would prompt not Sidney and Eliza getting back together, but Sidney turning toward Charlotte instead. 

Here’s the mental math bc I’m still a little confused (I’m not a philosopher, clearly): 

River = Eliza  River also is the same according to Heraclitus  Heraclitus also said “not everything is changing, but because some things (ie, Sidney) change, other things come into existence (ie, Sidney and Charlottes relationship) 

So, basically, the Heraclitus quote on the surface level is saying that Sidney and Eliza are two different people, so their relationship won’t work anymore, and on a deeper level (ie, fucking looking up the context of the Heraclitus quote for a meta about fictional characters) it’s saying that because Eliza hasn’t changed but Sidney has, Sidney and Charlotte’s relationship sprung into existence rather than Sidney staying the same with Eliza. 

If you don’t get the deeper level, it’s cool bc I also don’t really get the deeper level. The surface level works just fine for this conversation lmao. 

Shift the Third: boat 

Now, the third metaphor drawn is that of boats. Our Romance Lenses are on. 

Sidney unlashes the boat.  —> It’s already been established Sidney is Looking for Romance through the line “do I look ready to you?” Him unlashing the boat is him establishing that he’s trying to enter a relationship. He himself is unsure of exactly what he’s doing, but the fact that the scene is happening with Charlotte instead of with Eliza is pretty telling. He’s more unsure of what to do that who he’s doing it with. If you can’t tell, I have zero doubts about who Sidney has feelings for and who he doesn’t have feelings for.  S: —I need a second person to balance the boat, would you mind?  —> *Sidney, knowing that his relationship with Charlotte has been touch and go, realizes that he needs to be clear through all of this and establish that he does want her* I can’t exactly have a relationship by myself, do you want to do this with me?  He offers her his hand to help her get into the boat.  —> before this he looked away, which is where I got the idea that he realized the undertones/my meta of the situation as it was playing out. Gotta look away to compose yourself before asking the love of your life if she wants to get in a relationship with you, amirite?  C: I’m not sure if I —  —> Sidney, you confuse the ever-living hell out of me, I don’t even know if I’m the person you want to be with— S: Come on.  —> Charlotte, please, I want you.  Charlotte, unsure, gets into the boat, grabbing one of Sidney’s hands. His other hand goes to her waist. She rushes a little, and rocks the boat. He does not let go until the boat is steady again. —> The rocking of the boat is tell-tale of Charlotte’s character, she often rushes into situations without thinking them through, similar to how she gets onto the boat in a bit of a rush and it rocks. Sidney doesn’t let go of her waist until the boat steadies. Even with my interpretation of what Sidney said, Charlotte’s uncertainty means Sidney needs to be more explicit.  S: Careful. Sit down behind you.  —> It’s okay, I’ve got you, I’m here for you, it’s not just you here in this thing, I’m gonna be with you the whole time.  Sidney pats her hand before letting it go. He sets an oar in place, pushes them off, and starts rowing. —> He gives her a reassuring pat on the hand before letting her go. He lets her know where the best place to sit is, essentially reassuring here that he’s there to help her. The oar’s purpose is to propel the boat, Sidney sets the boat in motion.  

Jumping out of that last one to collect my thoughts. Since the boat is a metaphor for their relationship, Sidney is essentially asking Charlotte to enter into a romantic relationship with him (“I need a second person to balance the boat” meaning he can’t be in a relationship by himself). The entire way into the boat, Sidney is there to reassure Charlotte she isn’t going to fall into the water: they grasp hands, he takes a hold of her waist, he waits for the boat to stop rocking, directs her to where she can sit, and then lets go when they both know she’s not going to fall. 

Finally to the oars. Oars are meant to propel the boat forward and steer it through the water. Since the boat is the relationship, the oar is a metaphor for the effort put toward propelling the relationship ahead. Sidney first rows, as we can see from 1.06 and other bits of 1.07: he asks Charlotte to come to the ball with him, he stays by her side for the beginning of the party and only leaves when he has to help Tom. I assume once he was done he went to find wherever Charlotte went, and immediately asked her to dance. “I don’t want to dance with anyone else,” “I might wait for you downstairs if you don’t mind” (into 1.07 territory, now) C: you’re not nearly as unfeeling as you pretend “Well, if that is the case, I would ask you to keep it to yourself, I have a reputation to uphold.” (the fact that Charlotte is the only one to know he’s a big softie,,,,,,the implications of it all, also he’s establishing a teasing relationship with her here), plus everyone’s favorite from the end of the episode that I’m including just because it’s my meta and I want to lmao “I believe I am my best self, my truest self, when I’m with you.” 

He’s been doing the metaphorical romantic rowing (and for good reason, Charlotte’s been the one all season to fix their misunderstandings with one another, so he needs to step up lmao), and so he puts in the oar first and rows first. 

Shift Four: rowing, again 

Now that rowing has been established as a metaphor for the propulsion of their romantic relationship, the undertones of the physicality in this shift come out just as much as the undertones of the dialogue of this shift do. 

S: May I ask you something, Miss Heywood? Why is it, that when I finally have a chance at happiness, I cannot accept the fact?  —> Literally the girl I was going to marry is back and yet I can’t get myself to date her C: What is it that you cannot accept?  —> I want to die low-key over the fact that we’re talking about your ex, but I’m a good person so I’m going to help you talk through this. Also I want to know what you’re thinking.  S: I had convinced myself I was destined to remain alone, that I was ill-suited for matrimony. —> I thought I was gonna die alone but now I have trouble believing that? And coincidentally that trouble started up when I met you  C: I don’t believe that anybody is truly ill-suited to marriage, not even you. —> It hurts that you think you won’t get married because look at your face. Also I’m taking a jab at you because that’s how our relationship works. Also what the fuck do you think ill-suited means? Marriage isn’t a job that you have to have certain qualities for.  Sidney laughs.  —> I’m gonna get into the difference between matrimony and marriage below okay? Prepare yourself. Also Sidney has a thing for teasing big time.  C: I supposed it’s just a question of compatibility  —> Ill-suited doesn’t even mean what you think it means, you’ve got to try at marriage Sidney and just because your ex dumped you and is back now doesn’t mean you automatically have to get back with her. Destiny isn’t real. Marriage is about finding someone you work well with, not fulfilling some fairytale, destiny, fate thing.  S: Yes. I supposed you’re right. Now, its your turn, give me your hands.  —> I’m in love with you, just a little bit. Now let me teach you the art of metaphorical rowing.  They start rowing together. Both watch the progression of the oars to make sure it’s going smoothly.  —> Rowing has been established as propulsion of the relationship, Sidney is showing Charlotte that he wants her to row, he wants her to be a participant in their boat of a relationship.  S: Roll/row your hands. Good.  —> Sidney has seen here that Charlotte’s rowing works with his, he’s telling her that her rowing is working for him and for their boat.  Charlotte takes a moment to watch her rowing.  —> She’s looking to see what he’s seeing.  S: That’s it. Yeah, keep your back straight.  —> More reaffirmations that what she’s doing is working for him, that this is what he wants and that she’s doing great. Also an excuse to touch her because they’re both repressed horny on main this is a period romance and all touching automatically charges a scene both for the audience and for the characters. Sidney wants Charlotte to get that this is romantic.  Sidney touches her waist, she readjusts herself, he smiles. They’re both smiling wide, Sidney is laughing, Charlotte looks sure of herself for the first time in that scene. Camera cuts wide to show them on the boat together. Sidney lets go and Charlotte rows by herself. Eliza enters the scene and when it cuts back to the boat, they’re both rowing together again. When Sidney looks over when she calls, he’s smiling. Eliza looks unsure of herself. —> got slightly carried away on that last little bit but imagine the stuff about the waist touch down here. Now that Sidney’s reassured her, Charlotte’s uncertainty disappears, she looks sure of herself for the first time in the whole scene because Sidney has given clear indications that he wants to be with Charlotte which is what makes the entire scene with Eliza and Lady Susan later that much more heartbreaking she’s finally been given indication that her feelings are returned, that she’s not foolish for feeling as she is. When Sidney lets go, it’s an indication that the next batch of romantic rowing (beyond the end of the episode) is going to be done by Charlotte because of his declaration at the end of the episode. The camera cuts to Eliza but when it cuts back to the boat, they’re rowing together again, indicating that they’re together in what they’re feeling and that their relationship and feelings are strong. Sidney is fucking smiling when he looks over at Eliza on the shore because he was smiling at Charlotte when Eliza called to him. If their feelings weren’t strong, why would Eliza be looking so worried about the race she only entered because she knew she would win? 

Okay I kind of got carried away explaining in that last bullet point but you get the picture. Sidney rows first because he initiates the romantic development of their relationship (as in the development that can be looked at in universe, not just by the audience, as romantic), them rowing together is an affirmation that they’re on the same page (for the moment, soon ruined by the appearance of Eliza and Sidney’s loyalty and politeness to meaningful people in his life), and Charlotte rowing by herself is an indication that in the end, the decision is hers to add to the propulsion of the boat (ie decide whether or not she wants to be with Sidney), because the boat can’t be rowed by a single person. 

Now into the discussion of matrimony versus marriage.   

The definition of matrimony focuses on the ceremony of being wed, whereas marriage focuses on the partnership and relationship aspect of being wed. Sidney says he didn’t believe he was suited for matrimony, as in the ceremony. He focuses on the formal action because that’s what it’s meant in his life. The one woman he wanted to marry left him for someone with more money, clearly teaching him that marriage is a business transaction, not something romantic. Charlotte uses the word marriage, which emphasizes the actual relationship itself and being with another person, because she’s a romantic. She’s shown time and time again her belief in love throughout the season. Sidney doesn’t think he can participate in the business of matrimony, whereas Charlotte believes he can experience marriage and romance as long as he finds someone he is compatible with. Lads, 

Harmony brings us back to balance (“I need a second person to balance the boat”). Together brings us back to the rowing. 

Other thoughts/observations outside the shifts 

competitors: Stringer and Sidney, Eliza and Charlotte 

“Neither am I, regrettably. I haven’t picked up an oar in years.” —> call back to their conversation in 1.06, Charlotte calls him unfeeling, he says his life would’ve been easier if he was unfeeling, the romantic metaphor of the rowing shows that this line also means that Sidney regrets, at this moment for reasons we as the audience don’t know yet Charlotte, wishes he’d had romance in his life between when Eliza left him and now. 

“Of course you’d know that.” —> in-conversation kicking himself for underestimating her 

The rowing is a test of their compatibility. Idk if I got that in during all of that up there, but it’s late so I don’t feel like checking atm. 

He’s so gentle with her throughout the entire scene. He knows being abrasive is just going to get both of them angry, and while that can be productive for their development (try to tell me it’s not, please), it’s not at the moment because it involves pushing away before coming to a better understanding. He wants to skip the pushing part, and also Sidney is just Soft™ deep down, especially with Charlotte when they’re not at odds. 

Also the balancing, their entire development throughout the season has been about them balancing their extreme characteristics 

In conclusion 

The entire boat scene is a metaphor for Sidney asking Charlotte to be with him and Charlotte being unsure because his ex-fiancee is literally here (and he literally was the one to bring her to Sanditon) and Charlotte and Sidney’s relationship has always been a bit rocky. If Eliza hadn’t shown up when she had, I’m sure that boat ride would’ve ended with Charlotte feeling a lot more confident with where she stands with Sidney. 

Since Sidney was confident with his feelings the entire time, he feels comfortable enough to make the Heraclitus joke/reference in conversation with Charlotte later, but Eliza hijacks it and turns it from a nice moment between Charlotte and Sidney into a moment of competition, which sours the conversation in a similar way that Stringer and Sidney’s conversation after the boat race is soured when Stringer brings up “the prize he wanted.” 

Even though I’m annoyed that Eliza interrupted their boat ride, I think it was necessary so that the conversation later could go as it did (also this meta about that convo is great) and so Stringer and Sidney’s conversation could go ask it did and because it allowed Eliza to think she had “won,” so to speak, and prompt her to talk to Sidney. All three of those interactions influence how Sidney was feeling and ultimately culminated in Sidney going to Charlotte that night and saying “I believe I am my best self, my truest self, when I’m with you.” So while it sucks that it was interrupted, it was ultimately necessary for Sidney to confess and put Charlotte in the position of choosing (ie, rowing by herself) next episode. 

And I guess the conclusion to this conclusion is that the Boat Scene was fully of heavy romantic metaphor and symbolism, Sidney is a hundred percent into Charlotte and Charlotte only and he was even when Eliza showed up, he just needed time and a few gentle kicks to the head (Eliza being rude about Charlotte constantly, seeing that Stringer is interested in Charlotte, seeing Charlotte’s uncertainty about his feelings) to shake off the residual feelings for an ex-fiancee that your family won’t let go about you guys being destined to be together again, and Charlotte gets to choose if she wants to be with him next episode. And I’ve got a feeling she’s going to decide she wants to. 

[tarmairons]

alright!!!! here’s part 1 of the extensive (book & netflix) masterpost of all my fave eslaf moments!!!! this is a very long post so i apologize in advance to anyone who opens the read more 😘

this is more or less organized in chronological order but features a lot of me rambling incoherently so you have been warned

let’s start with esmé being massively horny on main and nearly blowing her whole cover in TEE part 1 

to be fair, any interaction between them in the TEE eps is valid and amazing and showstopping so yeah

and then we have them carrying an unconscious body!!!! and i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again… this is not the first time they’ve been in this situation. other bodies they’ve carried together may or may not have been dead or otherwise incapacitated 

my fave thing is them being absolutely awful together okay i love that. this whole post is gonna be full of them being awful. look at that. look at them. look at jerome’s life flashing before his eyes bc his wife is eye fucking this random stranger in the back of their limo

now, this scene… olaf wasn’t here in the book and i’m extremely glad that they added him in in the show. it increases the sexy factor

a blessing. and the maniacal laughter…….. peak romance

this is probably my #1 fave screenshot of them. soft. very soft

now listen. the most important part. they f*cked in the penthouse and the dance scene in the netflix version was just one massive innuendo for a sex scene no i will not be taking criticism 

i mean. god. GODDD

T H E M

+ also this innuendo that netflix somehow got away with is just. wow

next up we have book esmé being horny on main

and then another example of them being shady bitches together… bc evil couples with zero morals who commit heinous crimes together stay together ya know

this is just wholesome:

and this again is peak romance. there’s nothing quite like running through an underground tunnel with your significant other, wearing fancy clothes, having just committed unspeakable crimes

MOVING ON…. TVV

first of all, esmé is Small so jot that down

second of all, i would die for this whole saloon scene, but then again i would die for every eslaf scene so

this speaks for itself:

and then we have esmé thinking with her pussy heart and not her brain and leaving her whole life behind for illegal shenanigans with olaf 

i’m uwu

i appreciate that the netflix series gave us an insight into how the villains act behind closed doors (even if half the time it’s not at all how their relationship is described in the books but okay i’ll suck it up and deal, at least we have oodles of footage of esmé being extremely horny on main)

next up we have one of my favorite genres of eslaf content: Their One Shared Brain Cell

ex. in this scene it was clearly esmé’s turn 

and then we have esmé suggesting violent murder and olaf looking at her like the world’s most supportive bf so that’s wholesome

netflix got a LOT wrong but i really need to send them a thank you card for the innuendos

this isn’t even subtle, his hand is on her ass

and then we have Couples Murder again. love that. nothing quite as romantic as killing an old friend and then going upstairs to f*ck and then cuddle on some shitty fold out sofa or whatever

i don’t even know who has the brain cell in this scene. maybe the brain cell was taking a break

and these…… i need to print these out and carry them in a locket and tell people those are my biological parents. look at them having fun

this post is gonna be extremely long because as you see, every eslaf scene is my favorite eslaf scene.

i mean. look. look at them. UWU

and once again we have olaf using the forbidden L word… i’m just saying. there’s definitely some sort of feelings there. at least 1 (one) feeling between them

nothing screams romance like buying your gf a dangerous weapon huh

and then complimenting her shooting skills

and we were rudely robbed of them on a motorcycle together, with esmé disregarding safety regulations, and putting a label on their relationship (which netflix olaf allegedly isn’t a fan of or whatever)

ya know as i’m typing this i’m realizing just how long this post is gonna be….. i’ve only covered 2 books so far…… i’m so sorry 

this is random but i’m a big fan of how handsy esmé always is. she always has her claws on olaf 24/7 all the time

kidnapping people together ~just couple things~

and this is just them sitting in a room together but naturally it’s one of my fave eslaf scenes because they’re sitting in a room together

i mean let’s be real, they could be yelling at each other and it’s still gonna be on this list. they’re always 0.04 seconds away from murdering each other and you know what, i support them

next up we have an iconic cinematic parallel:

and then some more Couples Kidnapping 

and we were ROBBED of this line

and then we have olaf being a supportive bf again

so i’m gonna take a moment to be fake deep now: olaf clearly doesn’t mind esmé’s whole Fashion thing and whatever their breakup is caused by later on, it sure af isn’t her outfits. “i’m tired of having a gf obsessed with fashion” is a fake excuse, they were just frustrated at everything and everyone by the events of TPP and took it out on each other thx bye

here we have another example of esmé’s turn on their shared brain cell:

and then more wholesome content (i mean, yeah, they’re in the middle of a kidnapping scheme right but for them it’s wholesome)

and then interactions like these… peak romance

fake deep time AGAIN: people often criticize this ship bc olaf has a tendecy to leave esmé in burning buildings and i’m like. okay, in the hotel they were broken up so it’d be illogical for olaf to interrupt his scheme to worry about his ex-gf whom he was NOT on good terms with at the moment????? so, not a good reason to criticize their relationship bc they weren’t in a relationship at the time

and in THH olaf being like “hurry up or i’ll leave you behind” when the hospital is burning… it’s like sure maybe they do care about each other but deep down they’re both egoists and they WILL focus on self-interest and self-preservation first… is that a healthy dynamic? of course not. are they both fully aware that the other will run and save themselves? yeah, and they accept that bc that’s how they both roll. no hard feelings 

ANYWAY 

this is the only time they sit next to each other in the front seat without anyone between them and i firmly believe we deserved more of this

i MEAN

another Trope i enjoy is esmé reacting to awful things olaf says like

she loses her shit when he bullies children or plans to set a circus on fire etc… and that’s cute

next up this scene speaks for itself:

i have nothing to add. my uwus have rendered me speechless 

HOWEVER my main complaint is that the netflix version cut literally all of their soft affectionate scenes and FOR WHAT

or that time they went to f*ck in a tent

we got this tho.... iconic!!!

and more snarky domestic content thank you for that netflix

and then here we have another example of their shared brain cell going on vacation bc clearly it’s not in the picture

and (not pictured) but them watching madame lulu get eaten by lions was their idea of a romantic night out i guess so good for them

AND NOW BACK TO SCENES WE WERE ROBBED OF

like yeah we got a variation of that scene but NOWHERE NEAR AS SOFT

WHERE IS THE AFFECTION, NETFLIX? THE KISSES? THE HUGS?? HAIR STROKING??

like all i wanted was one scene of my batshit arsonist parents being mushy but netflix looked me dead in the eye and flipped me off

and that’s all for season 2!!! i wanted to squeeze season 3 into the same post but tumblr kindly informed me i hit a size limit oops

[part 2]

[areyouscarletcold]

So how did you feel about flash and lot? Bc I’m seeing a lot of mixed opinions from everyone in general but you def seem angry? Not that that’s a bad thing ofc!!

Well, Nonnie, I’d rather not start any discourse (besides, I’m not gonna say anything that hasn’t already been said from more eloquent sources on certain matters). 

But… 

I have feelings.

I tried to make this brief and concise, which I utterly failed at doing, so I put this under the cut in case no one wants to see me yelling. And I didn’t even go into detail for some things so be grateful for that kjashdf

Shockingly, I liked Flash a lot more than Legends this week. To an extent, that is. 

Maybe it was just because I was so hyped for the musical ep that once I realized how the cultural appropriation was going to fit in (and tbh I was caught up in the “wow, the gals look so pretty!” aspect before it sank in, and that is entirely my fault), I was a little worried about how everything would play out. Not to mention the whole discourse lately involving certain ships and characters.

Basically, for me it boiled down to less of a dislike toward characters/ships - because really, be nice to each other no matter whether you like canon or not rn IT ISNT THAT HARD - and had to do with how the writers handled the whole episode for LoT. Everything felt very rushed and messy in the last ten minutes to me, and a few things said in the interviews prior to the ep rubbed me the wrong way even if they weren’t intentional, and I’m honestly a little surprised more people liked this ep than not. 

Because yes, LoT is meant to be wild and off the rails, but some things felt just thrown in, in my opinion (i.e. the Heyworld bit - do y’all….not realize the implications of this because it isn’t aw, my dad wanted to make an amusement park to bond with me and I’m kinda angry that the writers didn’t address that and forgave him for that reason in the end) or just never resolved (i.e. did we ever find out if Jane Austen writes again?? I’m assuming so because it’s Legends and time is probably fixed yayyyyyy but like…there were so many damn plotlines I couldn’t keep track of them this ep).

Legends has felt weird to me since they’ve come back from their midseason break, mostly for the sharp turn they’ve taken in plot - which is not necessarily bad! It’s just… Some of this feels like a plot twist for the sake of a plot twist. Or throwing in a new element out of nowhere with no prior build-up. 

That being said, I did like the fact that the women got to shine and I’ve never seen any scene where women get to talk about sex (or sex dreams I suppose) in a way that isn’t stigmatized, they all supported one another and cheered each other on and it was nice to see actual bonding over a taboo subject like that. Oh, and Darhkatom was well done this episode, in my opinion.

As for Flash…

To put it bluntly, while I enjoyed seeing Nora’s past and getting that explanation (even if we all know she didn’t come back just to see Barry, but okay, writers), I’m fucking pissed.

Do I think what happened in the end was out of character? I don’t think it was too much of a reach, no. Barry’s done shitty stuff before see: season 3 and I get that he was mad and felt betrayed though can I just say that I find the whole drama over Thawne simultaneously frustrating and hilarious because it’s not like they haven’t worked with him BEFORE and the reason she worked with him didn’t even turn out to be a big deal in the end so….

Do I think that what he did was uncalled for? Abso-fucking-lutely, Nonnie.

Other people will explain this better than me, since a lot of people are just as angry as I am, but the main things that struck me the moment this happened were the fact that 

1. Iris got no say in this shit and this should not have been an impulse decision. It does not matter how angry or hurt you are, you do not take that out on your daughter and you do not alienate your wife when she is actively trying to listen and get all the facts on the situation and wants to fix her strained relationship with said daughter in the future.

2. Asking to have a moment alone with your daughter and giving her tentative hope that maybe you can patch things up, right before shouting at her and breaking her emotionally before tossing her back to the future with no proper goodbye even though this would have a clear effect on both Iris and Nora and THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU ARE GOING. TO. FUCKING. SEE. HER. AND THIS WILL BE HER LAST MEMORY OF YOU, SANS THE VIDEO CALL, WHICH APPARENTLY DOESN’T MATTER BECAUSE THIS REALLY MAKES HER QUESTION YOUR LOVE FOR HER, HUH, BARTHOLOMEW?

As someone who’s experienced similar situations with their own father via emotional/verbal abuse very similar to this and the whole throwing their daughter into a form of “time out” as if what she has to say doesn’t matter ordeal and no I am not saying Barry is abusive, so don’t even come at me with that, this hit me hard and I’ve been pissed at this show before, but that last scene with Barry and Nora (even with Thawne, because you’re about to get what you deserve is callous for someone being tortured and about to be executed, even if he’s a manipulative sonuvabitch) hurt and while I’m all for Barry being flawed and angry and getting to show that if Iris doesn’t talk him down and explain what the fuck was wrong with that choice since he clearly didn’t, I will.

All I’m saying is that this better not have excusable consequences. Barry gets a free pass all the time for behaving irrationally when it comes to being emotional, and while I obviously love his character, the fact that we’re going to have to see this writing decision play out over several episodes enrages me (especially with that one episode summary of Barry struggles to reconcile with his daughter’s actions still - HONEY if anything it should be THE OPPOSITE WAY AROUND, regardless of the fact that your mom’s murderer just taught your daughter how to use her powers, even if it was a bad decision on her part and yes, she does need to make up for that).

In short, I thought the Flash had a better narrative arc than Legends and was disappointed by the latter’s episode, but I have a ton of issues as a writer and a person who’s been in similar shoes to Nora WA in the Flash ep.

[leofcwler]

( austin butler, cismale ) did you hear how LEO FOWLER is applying to columbia university as a FORENSICS SCIENCE major ?! the 21 year old is living in the WATT HALL. i heard that they got in because they are + CHARISMATIC and +EFFERVESCENT, but honestly i think HE can be - CALLOUS and - RECKLESS. they’re a real ANOMALY. oh well, only time will tell if the JUNIOR will make it til the end. 

struts in thru a bead curtain w a martini in hand........... hlo everyone! i’m bri, n im a painfully awkward canadian 21 years of age!! i haven’t been in a group this big in wht feels like 1000 years n leo is a completely new char...... so im a wee bit intimidated bt?? ready to Party (the crowd goes wild). i have a habit of not sleeping so theres a chance im gna b on 24/7 wonks..... give this a like n i will come running to u naruto style to plot!!

TW: neglect, drugs/drug abuse, overdose, hospitalization

ABOUT LEO

aight so leo’s dad? real estate agent n his mom is a nurse. they live pretty average boring lives?? considering tht leo is like the opposite of Average or Boring he used to lie n say tht his dad was an astronaut lost in space and his mum was a mermaid at a freak show, so. however when he was 12 his parents suddenly divorced literally out of nowhere bc lo n behold leo’s dad was having an affair so........ guess he wasnt as boring as leo thought??

his mom moved out n he doesn’t rly see her a lot any more, she doesn’t rly kno wht to do w leo when she does see him?? he’ll go over and be like ‘im gonna JF kennedy trump’ n then his mom will burst into tears and start crying abt how this wasn’t the boy she raised it’s a whole gross mess so he stopped going over so tht she didn’t get sad n he didn’t get uncomfortable

his dad didn’t NEGLECT leo bt after the divorce he certainly didn’t take his time in caring abt his sons whereabouts n what not. leo had always been raised in a kind of carefree house anyway since his mom worked a bunch of random overnight shifts n what not n she was the more strict one, bt it got to the point where leo wld jokingly talk abt burning down the house to see how his dad wld react and all he’d get is a nod and asked to bring his dad another beer SO

he got kinda bored of trying to get his dads attention with no luck, so one day he ended up buying fireworks tht were COMPLETELY illegal from a vendor on the Sketchy Side Of Town and set them off outside of school...... he had expected to get into trouble n his dad wld have to do sommething abt it bt one of the fireworks ended up exploding and breaking several windows n leo got expelled big time

his dad kinda freaked bc the only other school in the super small town he grew up in was a pretty expensive private school tht he cld barely afford

leo hated it............ wld show up to school purposely out of uniform/wld graffiti the walls/did the most to get detentions jst so he cld stay later n avoid going home etc.............. one time he showed up after cutting the pants into shorts tht left almost nothing to the imagination n got suspended fr it

miraculously got into columbia bc even tho he fucked around in school he was actually quite smart?? cld have probably gotten a scholarship if he actually tried bt Trying jst isn’t leo’s style apparently

although he didn’t have too many friends growing up he did have a few tht he purposely hand selected bc he knew they were jst . not a good influence at all?? got him into the party scene in a pretty awful n intense way, he’d been hospitalized more than a handful of times fr alcohol poisoning n he even OD’ed on coke once which . made him realize tht maybe the whole Doing Coke For Fun At A Party thing was just an excuse now. the hospital offered to get him into a rehab program bt he refused to admit he had a problem even tho he still does coke jst a WEE BIT too much to this day

personality wise he’s kind of a lot to handle?? will turn around and insult u then b confused as to why ur offended he jst.......... doesn’t have a filter and also doesn’t realize he’s being rude cuz he was never rly taught to jst . calm down n think abt words before he says them

is waiting for aliens to come down and take over his body/the earth. a genuine believer in them n all things supernatural......... still thinks he’s possessed after a bad flu when he was 14

tbh he like to make ppl purposely uncomfortable sometimes . watching ppl squirm n blush? his fave thing

majoring in forensics science bc ?? he was obsessed with forensic files growing up and always wanted to be the person tht was like . “We found his fingerprints on the doorknob.”

ironically his star sign is leo

pansexual king.................... a mess when it comes to relationships he doesn’t rly know how to properly be in one bt he actually likes them. also likes to jst . sleep around when he can, being w ppl is kind of his fave thing bc he subconsciously doesn’t think ppl want him fr anything other than sex n stuff like tht it’s a mess

TENTATIVELY TOSSED TOGETHER WANTED CONNECTIONS

he does need some friends tbh

a bro he’s w 24/7?? aka Best Friend uwu

a girl he’s rly close w too bt everyone thinks they’re dating?? n they’re always like . ew thts weird

exes!! on bad and good terms............. Give It To Me

also fwb’s.............. needs lots of Those

someone who tutors him?? he has the attention span of a walnut so wld need help

ppl he deals to?? literally collects drugs jst to feel comforted by the fact tht he has them bt has WAY TOO MANY to take so he sells them when he can

enemies!! i figure he may have . a lot of these siodghoidg

unrequited crushes........... him to someone else or someone to him either way it Works

someone in general tht he is jst . head over heels fr............ disgustingly into to the point where he writes them trash poetry abt wanting everyone else on the earth to disappear so it cld b jst them n stuff

ANYTHING!! the world?? our oyster............

[bellsyblue]

star wars the last jedi spoilers ahead

I went to see the film as part of a work function tonight (ty Jesus) and I need to get some stuff out of my system bc I can’t discuss with my housemate until she sees it tomorrow, so --

No real structure, just streaming it out.

The most important thing this film showed me was that Leia learned how to use the Force. It was beautiful. The universe that opened up retrospectively when she pulled herself out of the space wreckage to safety (let’s ignore the plausibility of surviving that for a second). I thought of Luke and Leia, fresh off their victory over Palpatine, bonding in the quiet safety of Leia’s senatorial apartments, Luke patiently talking his sister through the ideas of the Force; to quiet, listen and trust her feelings. Imagining her excitement and the joy on his face when she makes that datapad tremble on her desk, the first time she actively reaches out and senses him through the Force, the way they would laugh together the first time they test it on Han and freak him out. Imagining the euphoria of sharing something that’s just between them.

That moment Leia saved herself using the Force shone a beacon on a beautiful past of potential and I think that sustained me through the whole movie.

Thank god.

Because I have not facepalmed so hard nor so often since I had to watch Anakin and Padme “fall in love”.

I am sympathetic to the fact this film had to find its feet in the unexpected wake of Carrie’s death, but WHY DOES THIS FRANCHISE HAVE A 1/3 SUCCESS RATE IN WRITING BELIEVABLE ROMANCE???

On one hand, it’s a good day for you if you’re a Reylo shipper. On the other hand, it was like watching 6/10 fanfiction play out to a rushed pace. Finn and Rose were cute together but even their dynamic felt too fast. The flirtation between Poe and the Vice Admiral. Why so many close-ups??? Also, the Han/Luke shipper in me was mad that Luke didn’t already know Han was dead, but sure he closed himself off to the Force, so he was behind on the news.

the author acknowledges her impressions were exacerbated being forced to sit three rows from the screen

As this film played out, it sounded like it was written straddling the fourth wall: in some ways too aware of its meta wish list and headcanons from the audience, fandom in-jokes, and performing as an echo of the Empire Strikes Back (once was enough with TFA, but again??? seriously?) and Return of the Jedi mashed together “with a twist”.

I waited two years for this film. I read and discussed so much about its potential with so many fans, I think it was bound to fall short of my expectations.

I was really heartbroken when I found myself wishing the movie would just end. It felt way too long. I had waited two years to see Poe, Finn and Rey (okay and Kylo the human disaster) again.

Everything was so rushed. Characters were introduced in a rush. The editing felt rushed. In critical moments where you needed to linger, let the gravity of dialogue or exchange sink in, process who we had just met and why we should care about them, we were instead thrust onto more characters, more spectacle, it was all spilling out faster than Vice Admiral engaging light speed through an entire First Order fleet. Bringing Benicio del Toro in like a passing ship in the night, a darker, shallower tribute to Han Solo’s archetype (don’t bring him back and redeem him, please, you failed to make me care about him, it’s tired and I cbf sitting through that). Bringing back my beautiful Phasmum for two minutes of nothing just to kill her properly. Wtf, film, wtf.

I found myself really hoping Rey would join Kylo, just for something different to  untangle in the third film. Let Rey realise too soon what a stupid choice she’s made, but also wrangle with that commitment she’s made, following that dumb instinct that made her seek and have faith in Kylo. I don’t believe the film is done with those two yet.

“I can feel the conflict in you--” Omg every other time a force user opened their mouth in this film, I just wished to end my hearing. This kind of writing flew thirty years ago, but not today, ad verbatim.

I was actually enjoying the moments Rey called him “Ben” and he didn’t flinch, when they were finally fighting back-to-back, and I was like, “Okay, this has potential, the penultimate light and dark come together, now rule together and muddle your way through your problematic commitment, please, that would make fair drama.”

I like that Rey’s parents were revealed to be nobody of worthy note in the “legacy” of the Star Wars universe. I like the message that the greatest hope of a warrior could come from humble beginnings.

I liked that we discovered what really happened with Ben and Luke, and what really sealed Ben’s decision to go dark side. I like that the story made Ben and Luke both share the blame for this. Luke got lost in the airs of his own legend, and Ben had many chances since then to turn back. It’s still shit Snoke clearly got to him young and was manipulating him from a young age; but that doesn’t excuse the shitty things he’s doing by today’s events. He’s a survivor of abuse and sadly, it’s warped his capacity to make rational decisions that take courage by the average person’s measure.

I liked the moment Yoda and and Luke were reunited. Yoda has a levity we often see in older people who have all the perspective, but no fucks left to give. Threaten to burn the foundations of your religion? The old codgers will always call your bullshit. These kind of people bring you back down to earth for #realtalk.

This film smacked of some of the problems I suffered in Justice League, it rarely let people connect as real people with all the awkwardness, tentativeness and vulnerability we often have. Everyone was charging ahead. Everyone was so sure of themselves, even when they were supposedly crying, heartbroken or scared. That moment when Rose’s unnamed sister dropped the bombs and clutched her amulet, and we lingered on her face in slow motion as she closed her eyes? One of the best moments.

War and resistance are fucking scary, exhausting and heartbreaking. This is why I maintain Rogue One is still one of the best films of the film franchise, because it was on the ground where the highest costs were being paid. In war, most people don’t have the means or luxury of fucking off to an isolated planet to nurse the agony of our failure. We have to stick around and muddle through, take actions that compromise our morals and break our hearts in the process, and it fucking sucks (read: Cassian Andor).

I like that everyone in the First Order looked stressed and unglamorous af in comparison to the Force Awakens. I cracked up the moment I saw the shadows under Hux’s eyes, leaned over to my boss and was like, “Yo, that’s my bro, he’s wearing our look.” And seriously, compare Kylo’s unmasking scene in TFA to TLJ. In TLA, they took serious care to unmask him as beautifully, coiffed and confidently as possible. When his mask comes off in TLJ, the camera is tight to his face, showing the blotched complexion of his exhaustion, nervous sweat, his pores and moles and scars, he’s raggedy ann. As Snoke throws in his face, killing his father split him down the middle and he’s never been more conflicted.

I really liked the showdown between Kylo and Luke. I like that Luke apologised for failing him, that Kylo is so far gone in his rage of Rey deserting him, of being alone at last, that Kylo was unmoved. I like how the film says goodbye to Luke, and that Leia lives on at the end.

Farewell, Space Princess. You will forever be loved.

I give it a 6.5/10. But you bet your ass I’m going to see it tomorrow again with the friends anyway, and finish Close the Circuit because now I have enough lore answered to make up my own version.

I look forward to sitting back with enough vantage to actually appreciate Poe Dameron’s beautiful face. Incidentally, this was v insightful for Poe’s character. I’ve given him too much credit as a level-headed commander. He’s way more willing to sacrifice lives than I expected. I understand that was his entire arc, but... the more you know.

[helianthus21]

Hello! From one bitter Cass stan (who used to be all TFW positive) to another, I too am scared. Because I can't shake the feeling that Castiel won't have that much involvement in the season's arc, if at all. I don't believe a word that comes out of Dabb's mouth because he's a known liar (queue s12). I'm just wondering how disappointed I will be 😞

hey! Okay I’ll do this under the cut because while I guess by now ppl who follow me know I’m not S13 positive, I want the ones who are to have a chance to be able to easily scroll past thisAlso warning: This got more bitter in tone than I expected, so if you want sb to give you some hope and positivity, turn away now! But since you came into my ask box I doubt you wished for that:P

(Just in general: if you wanna vent about the show, my message thingy is always open, turns out I’m not done venting yet either, and that way I can keep it mostly off my blog;) anyway, dude, I feel you. I had tentative hope at the beggining of S12 that with the new showrunner things are gonna change for the better, but honestly? I don’t trust Dabb anymore either. Don’t get me wrong, I still think he’s a good screen writer, but there are things that happened in S12 that I think if he really wanted the show to change he’d not have let them pass. I’m aware that Ross-Leming is married to Singer, and Singer has a lot say in things, and yeah I have no idea how the showrunning business works, but things like Sam/Toni? Couldn’t he have put his foot down on that one if he initially had other plans for her character? And 12x21 man, this time Dabb can’t hold his hands up in all innocence like he did after Charlie. Because he might not have written her death scene, but he’s the fucking showrunner. I doubt Bucklemming are authorized to decide getting rid of her on their own, so like. Yeah, I have a grudge against Dabb. I mean, on the one hand I think if Cas actually gets to have some introspection before he comes back, gets to talk with someone important (Chuck? Billie? himself?) in the Empty or wherever, that could be a real chance for him to overcome his depression and accept himself the way he is (’Are you an angel or a man?’ - ‘Neither. Both.’) (^which would be my ideal way for this to go as you probably already know:P).But on the other hand - argh, I get that they’re going this ‘accentuate his importance via the boys pining in his absence’ route - but good lord, haven’t they done this enough in S12? Haven’t they done this enough in S11 too? Back then I was so hopeful that it was gonna lead somewhere. I told myself, “Okay, Cas is practically gone for the second half of the season but it’s gonna be worth it in the end! At the season finale he’s gonna come back and he’s gonna have some major role to subvert all the things Amara and Ambriel said and what he himself believes about himself, because he’s gonna prove himself as a hero! He’ll reject Lucifer as a first step on the long way to get his self-worth back and show that he’s not someone who just ‘helps’ and that he’s far from ‘expendable’.” I told myself that the whole time - 12 EPISODES, he was gone for 12 EPISODES!! - that he was gonna come back with a bang and it was all gonna be worth it. Because I liked the Casifer arc goddammit, it had potential. Because, for me, this was the only logical way for this to go! But then, of course, he came back and basically just stood around while everyone else got to do a part (yeah, being insulted some more by his fellow angels does not count in my book, and neither does this terrible beer run conversation, don’t even get me started on that one) while everyone got a bit of a scene with Chuck. Everyone except the one who, you know, spent basically his whole character arc searching for God, playing God, losing his faith in God - nah, that’s apparently not of import to the writers  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯So you’ll excuse me if I don’t get my hopes up that Cas’ death in 12x23 is gonna actually lead to something this time. I’m not very interested in spending the first few episodes without Cas - “really feeling his absence” bc dude I’ve been feeling his absence all the damn time! They exlude him from scenes and episodes when it’s actually working against the plot and against all logic not to have him there (see 11x09), because the format for some reason demands Misha to be in X episodes and so he won’t be in more than X episodes.I mean, sure, the three Cas-centric episodes in S12 were honestly glorious! But that doesn’t change the fact that he was in less episodes than Mary or Crowley. Quality before Quantity, yes, but then please give me this quality in all of his episodes. I don’t know about you, but him going around interviewing a few ppl, ‘searching for a lead’, that’s not what I’d call quality. That’s not really all there is to hunting and Dabb promised more hunter!Cas in S12 didn’t he. Also is quantity and quality really so hard to pull off? I mean...?? As for his involvement in the next season - I don’t know man. I probably can’t say a lot about that, or shouldn’t, because I’ve run out of chances to give the writers so I’m not gonna keep watching. They did say he shared some ‘bond’ or whatever with Jack so he’s probably gonna have a role in the overall arc, but then I had similar thoughts during the Casifer arc so..At least, the bond’s not gonna be of a romantic kind since Jack is a boy, not a girl, so there won’t be sexual undertones there, although tbh I can’t bring myself to be interested in Jack and his story? Maybe I’d think differently if they’d handled things with Kelly differently.. A shame, really, because the nature vs nurture thing does make for an interesting subject. Anyway, I know it’s too early to judge, but I get the people who worry that this storyline will yet again be taken away from him and fall instead into Sam and Dean’s hands. Wouldn’t be the first time ya know. And like I said, I’m not the best person to talk to about this, bc I can’t seem to find this storyline all too appealing bc of the way they led up to it.. which normally wouldn’t bother me too much since the characters are still A+ and they can make up for any not-so-interesting plot points, but after Eileen, not even that is enough for me tbh.So yeah, you can tell I’m still high-key pissed at the writers. Hey, I watched 12x21, the whole abomination of an episode, I think I deserve to still be bitter. Sorry though.But on a lighter note: the Empty does have potential and we shouldn’t write it off before we - well you - see it (I’m sure I’ll look at gifsets of it^^). And there’s The Hug to look forward to which I’m sure won’t be downplayed if just because Misha and Jensen and Jared know their characters and they wouldn’t half-ass this important reunion.If you wanna give S13 a chance, I’d say don’t get your hopes up too much, but also don’t think the worst? Because having your hopes crushed sucks, but if you only expect the worst, you probably won’t be satisfied with anything. This is all the advice I can give if I put myself into a more neutral position for a minute^^.