#bc i still think i'm shit and now i feel like i can't trust that person either.

[daz4i]

how to stop thinking any good thing someone says to you (like compliments or being proud of you or other positive expressions such as these) is a lie just to be polite or bc they're biased and thus can't judge you work and your being objectively bc they love you. asking for a friend

[dylawas-reblogs]

me: yeah so we haven't had a meeting about it yet, but I asked my coworkers about past interns and why they left; chances are they won't hire me full time at my internship immediately. However, the chances of having it extended are pretty good, and I like what I'm doing, and they're going to be talking about budget in July. Sure my finances are a little tight but--

my sperm donor (only slightly exaggerated): look for a new job immediately and tell them if they won't hire you full time you're leaving. and no, I don't care if you don't find something in your industry and you have to settle for a job that will make you hate being alive even more than you already do. Also I'm going to ignore how long it took you to find this internship to begin with

me:

[ronanlynchbf]

"all this foreshadowing abt declan dying and then he didn't even die" well personally i think declan got murdered dead by mstief in greywaren so. actually 2 me he did die. Badly.

[loumauve]

.

[slippery-minghus]

*sighs* made it home ok and now have a purring lump on my lap. i took a panic pill as soon as i got home and i think it's helping. after how stressful work was and then electrolysis, i'm feeling post-meltdown exhaustion. i got a little food in me but i'm just so tired. i really hope tomorrow's a better day.

[sylveon-official]

thoughts on angel's heartbreak

viv has already said that angel is gonna get his heart broken sooo

i imagine husk pushes a boundary. we've already seen husk push angel's limits quite a few times. he's obviously really judgmental and i think that's one of his biggest flaws. it almost seems like a defense mechanism, that because he's already given up on himself, he doesn't want to waste angel's potential and so he's harder on him.

we've got tons of examples of this in masquerade, with husk calling him fake. and even in welcome to heaven when angel is considering taking drugs, husk totally plays a guilt trip - "go ahead if you wanna mess up all your progress, i just thought you were better than that"

i think that's how the 'heartbreak' is gonna happen. angel can't believe he's got a someone like husk in his life and he's so smitten, coming to terms with his feelings for husk and tentatively getting hopeful that they're reciprocated. like husk has built him up enough to the point that angel feels he can break down his walls around him, so they're getting closer, more flirtatious in a really sweet way, sometimes even a little touchy.

so imagine them being at this stage, where angel so fully trusts him, which is a big deal for him. and then angel fucks up real bad. he's been clean for almost 6 months and him and everyone else in the hotel are super proud. but after a hard day in the studio he just breaks and goes on an all night bender. like he's out so late husk starts to worry and texts him, but all he gets is a belligerent phone call like "huskYYY BAaaby don' worry i'm jus' out w the girls from the studio u should be here miss yoo-" and then some guy cuts in like "angelbaby, i thought you were gonna show me a good time?" and angel's like "mmm oh ya cmere daddy~" and the call cuts off.

husk is fuckin pissed, not just bc angel is off the wagon after making so much progress, but he's also jealous. like they were obviously heading in the direction of something more, or so he thought, but here's angel back to his old self-destructive habits, getting fucked up and fucking random guys.

the next day, husk finds angel passed out on the on the couch. usually he would wake him up with breakfast or coffee if he knew he'd had a long night at the studio, but this time he just rolls his eyes and gets to work on the bar, maybe stuffing glasses back into cabinets a little louder than usual.

that wakes angel up and he's like, "huuusk what the fuck couldya keep it down?"

"it's almost noon. don't you have something to do? or someone..." he mumbles the last part, but angel hears and is wide awake like, "fuckin' excuse me?"

"what? you don't remember callin' me last night? sounded like you scored a real charmer"

angel is stalking up to the bar getting embarrassed and defensive, "wtf? since when do you care who i'm fuckin' in my free time?"

"i guess since it obviously wasn't a choice you made entirely sober! what were you thinking?! you were clean 6 whole months, and you gave it up to what? snort coke off of some hunk's abs?!"

angel's mouth drops open and he doesn't know what to say but his heart stings. he knows he fucked up real bad, but it was a hard day and he guesses old habits die hard... it's his first real attempt at getting clean, and of course he's disappointed in himself. and honestly, he was planning on talking through it with husk, but now...

"well that is just rich coming from you," angel says, shaking, rolling his eyes in the direction of husk's bloody mary.

"yeah, well, i'm not the one trying to get into heaven-"

"fuck off with that shit husk! you don't think i know i fucked up?! i'm not an idiot! you don't gotta keep that line in your back pocket for every time i screw up! i already know it's fuckin' pointless, you don't need to keep reminding me, asshole, get over yourself!" and he starts storming off upstairs, eyes welling up.

husk does feel guilty, and wants to continue the conversation, but he's still firmly of the belief that if angel just pulls himself together, he's a shoo-in for redemption and it's frustrating to see him self-destruct after making more progress than ever before.

"angel, wait-"

"NO, fuck you husk!" angel turns around, tears streaming down his face, pointing an accusing finger. "i thought if anyone could understand, it'd be you! i know everyone else is gonna be disappointed in me, but you-" he pauses, gulps down his tears and steels his face, "i guess i don't know you as well as i thought i did" and then storms upstairs.

then angel would have a few consecutive weeks of totally self-destructive behavior on a whole new level than anyone else at the hotel had ever seen. maybe he even moves out of the hotel and back in with val, having given up not only on himself and his grand delusions of getting clean and redeemed, but also his "stupid school-girl crush" on husk.

this turned into something way longer than i intended lol, but my point is that since angel is gonna experience heartbreak we know it has to involve husk, and with husk's habit of guilt-tripping angel... i think it will need to blow up at some point and be seriously discussed.

i also think we need to see the 'it gets worse before it gets better' side of recovery bc obviously it's unrealistic that now that angel is a serious resident of the hotel, his addictions are just gonna magically disappear. and i think that's gonna cause some misunderstanding and turmoil with not only husk, but also our main cast.

[withleeknow]

how he would take care of you during shark week. ⤷ chan / minho / changbin / hyunjin / jisung / felix / seungmin / jeongin

pairing: jisung x f!reader genre/warnings: established relationship, fluff, mentions of periods bc duhhh erhm note: ok so i'm REALLY not sure what this is lmao but i switched up entirely compared to the first installation (with minho) and i think this is the format i'll be sticking with for the rest of the members. i'm still just experimenting and trying to figure how i want to approach doing drabbles/drabble series like this so pls bear with me a little for now lol

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

main masterlist / blurb masterlist / ko-fi

jisung, who can't be trusted with even the simplest of tasks. you should've known better. (and honestly? you did know better, which probably makes the whole thing so much worse.)

jisung, whom you ask to run to the store just because you were too lazy to brave the evening chill yourself and get the shit you need.

jisung, who texts you what size pussy u wear? while he stands in the middle of the aisle, feeling like he's illiterate as he's surrounded by products of different colors and shapes and sizes and wings.

jisung, whose eyes catch a specific pink packaging with pretty flowers that makes him pull out his phone and snap you a picture. this one looks better. yours is boring, he'd text you, to which you'd replied with a dozen question marks before calling him an idiot and telling him to leave the fancy pads and hurry home with the ones you usually use.

jisung, who returns about thirty minutes later holding two large bags in his hands, which definitely contain a lot more than what you had sent him out for - just a pack of overnight pads and some sweets.

jisung, who kisses you in greeting as your eyes narrow suspiciously, then he'd proudly show off the goodies that you didn't need - an assortment of sour candies and chocolates, chips, ice cream bars, your favorite cookies, and lastly, a random purple pouch.

jisung, whose love language looks a lot like making you get diabetes whenever your time of the month rolls around.

jisung, who beams like a kid in a candy store when you ask him about the pouch with a brow raised. "look!" he'd beam, holding the little thing up like it's the most magical invention he's ever come across in his entire life. "it holds your pads! and it has unicorns on it!"

jisung, who doesn't deflate at all when you tell him that you already have one, but instead, he'd tell you to ditch the one you have because it's too "boring" (re: it doesn't have unicorns.)

jisung, who volunteers to carry the pouch for you the next time you go out together, musing to himself about whether or not he should add a little strap so he could wear it like a crossbody bag, not even batting an eye when you stare at him and gape in disbelief.

jisung, who really uses your shark week as an excuse to buy dumb shit for himself and stuff you full of treats.

all rights reserved © withleeknow. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 25.04.2024]

[yeonslayjun]

Dumb and Dumber - Hualian

Hua Cheng and Xie Lian are so OBVIOUS and OBLIVIOUS at the same time Honestly They amaze me ngl

Cuz Hua Cheng be Like - Wdym Gege Loves me?? That's impossible like I don't think he loves me solely for the fact that I'm one of his last believer left and that I built a FUCKING CITY for him and how I ran helped him in a case and dressed up as a Groom and gege was a bride (Oh his dead heart definitely started beating then pls ) and how I Built a temple to worship him and how I released 3000 lanterns for him and that I've made 10,000 statues for gege and not how I have red thread of fate on my finger bc he tied his hair on my finger

ALSO wdym I had my gay awakening at the land of tender??? Impossible He's my god I can't have those feelings for him bc I'm a dirty piece of shit (NO YOU ARE NOT)

and DEFINITELY NOT HOW I GAVE HIM Spirtual Power... DEFINITELY NOT HAHAHA.... Now let me just ask his hand for marriage OH nvm I'm unworthy he doesn't like me ( WHILE XIE LIAN IS SITTING ON HIS LAP ) let's make it into a joke hahaha..... OH? Gege's says he's happy for my beloved when will he know it's him talking about?? :( ( let's ignore he didn't know half of these lmao)

OH MY GOD GEGE SAW THE STATUES That's it I'm getting disowned by him He'll hate me ofc he will... I knew this would happen no I'm okay, IT'S FINE... Yeah he really should make it clear that he doesn't love me huh? :((

Like Hua Cheng is SO DOWN BAD for Xie Lian Like Honey we get it You exist to LOVE your Taizi Danxia and to serve Cvnt and angst

AND

My guy Xie Lian here is SO VERY OBLIVIOUS like I get that he was practicing abstinence but bro's like -

Oh Hua Cheng is such a pretty name *giggles* Oh and his hands were so beautiful and he was gentle with me too when he dressed as the Groom *blushes* Oh Crimson Rain Sought Flower is his name? *swoons* HOLY SHIT HE'S HOT *nosebleeds*

I like this kid san lang. OoO Did he just suck the poison out of me?!?! DAYUM he killed so many people at once *swoons x2*... WAIT IS HE HUA CHENG??!?! Oh my gosh IT IS Hua Cheng ajhsjdhsudhu Let's act calm and composed hehe. Let's sleep together cuz He would never hurt me >:( I wonder what happened to the kid who said he'd worship only me :( He was a good kid yk? Had one eye covered too kinda like you actually haha Funny Right???

He's so perfect as a "sworn brother" ( Yes I'm looking at you SQX) protecting me and shit. Wait he trusts me??? ME?!?! huh?!?!. San Lang~~~. AHHH HE RELEASED 3000 LANTERNS FOR ME AHHHH I LOVE HIM as a friend ofc ofc.

Oh I LOVE getting Spiritual Energy from him <3 that wasn't a kiss nope it wasn't.... ERROR 101 San Lang asked my hand in marriage ERROR.... o h He was Joking :( ofc he was :((( I wish he wasn't tho :((((( SAN LANG HAS A BELOVED?!?!? Ofc he has He's such a handsome and kind man he probably gets all the bitches he wants But why do I feel smth weird in my heart?? (IT'S CALLED JEALOUSY YOU DUMB MOTHOFO )

Honestly God (Jun Wu LMAO) Knows how he survived the past 800 years like BRO WHY IS YOU SO STUPID when it comes to love?!?!? Like ISTG He's one of the smartest of all the jokes called "GODS". But he still doesn't get it till he saw the 10,000 statues Hua Cheng prepared like pls

ALSO Hua Cheng the ghost king who defeated 33 gods and how his smartass self esp rubbed the floor with them Civil Heavenly Officials But the one moment he needs it to realise the VERY OBVIOUS FACT that Xie Lian loves him The Genius Smartass is nowhere to be seen

But tbh I can't blame Hua Cheng much here cuz Xie Lian was very oblivious to his own feelings pls BUT STILL

Their Slow-burn was too much for me Like the chemistry was SO OBVIOUS but they're just Dumb kids when it comes to feelings *sighs* The Hualian Brainrot is rotting my brain away as we peak

[2goldensnitches]

ngl since october i've been feeling very uneasy in fandom, like lots of other users in the ones im familiar in are propalestine which is fine until they start throwing dogwhistles around and reposting obvious misinformation about i/p and dehumanizing jews/israelis/zionists as if that does anything to help palestinians (meanwhile when politicians like biden actually try to help they're either ignored or accused of bizarre conspiracy theories that don't make sense with even basic knowledge about the conflict)

i was guilty of sliding down the rabbit hole myself bc i wasn't thinking critically, like oh, this blogger started reblogging some suspicious stuff like the "river to the sea" stuff but if i don't support it i'm Evil and Hate Palestinians so i reblogged it like the Good Tumblr User i wanted to be. i've had reservations about how weirdly people talk about israel, but they say its progressive and moral, and i fell for their words. in hindsight, i really should've known better than to take them at their word, and now i don't really reblog much about the conflict anymore bc holy shit people really showed themselves to be utterly vile about this conflict and i don't trust a lot of people here anymore

then people i thought were trustworthy started getting really mask off. one semi popular fandom account i followed reblogged jvp as a reliable source, but i later learned from browsing jumblr posts that jvp is actually really antisemitic and basically autism speaks for jews. and in addition they also reblogged stuff about how israelis are all Evil and don't deserve any sympathy for 10/7, which is just cruel. i couldn't associate w/ them in good faith any more. other fandom accounts i used to follow started reblogging some really stomach churning (but concerningly popular) posts such as one about how hamas treated the hostages "so well" and another about houthis supposedly attacking ships for palestine's sake. this and looking beyond my usual fandom circles really opened my eyes to just how toxic and ass backwards this was becoming, and how this kind of vitriol is spilling over into the real world and hurting jews while doing nothing to help palestinians or muslims affected by the concurrent rise in islamophobia. it's so nervewracking. now whenever i see fandom blogs post propalestine stuff w/ "river to the sea" in big letters i feel very wary that they might be hiding more dangerous prejudices under the surface. even those who do try to be more aware about the surge in antisemitism still can't help but put down israelis, dabble in conspiracy theories, and/or condescend to jews or occasionally their allies

honestly kudos to you for staying strong in these times. you're a lot braver than me and you and the rest of jumblr deserve better than this horror show

Thank you for the ask. I would just like to say that i don’t care if people support palestine and i don’t give a shit about the israeli government—i just want them to be normal about israelis and jews and not treat an actual war like team sports and fandomise this. Ideally people should want peace instead of thinking about innocent people in terms of a team they can root for while watching a match on the telly. Unfortunately, while the insanity didn’t start on social media, the current nature of the internet facilitated a really shit union between “activism” and fandom where more people are concerned about fictional antisemitic goblins than they are with real flesh and blood people doxxing jews and forming actual lynch mobs. They sloganeer for actual terrorist groups while ignoring the lives of palestinians and yemenis and lebanese and syrians and iranians directly impacted by them. All we can do is sit tight and hope more people come to their senses at least; if they don’t, then we shouldn’t waste time lamenting them.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for giving a random guy my friend's phone number?

(🍫📲 to find later)

I (22 NB/F) was working one day at my place of work by going around and putting various items for sale where they belong in the store, as well as taking out the recycling. As I was making my way up to the front of the store so I could go to break, this older gentleman needed help reaching something. I helped him pull it down, but before I continued I was stopped by this other kid. He had a healthy-looking emo haircut and wardrobe, so I didn't think too much about it at the time. I kid you not, his eyes were big and wide like some kind of bishounen anime (idk if I spelled that right). Literally looked straight out of one almost, he reminded me of an excited puppy too.

"Hello! Do you need help with something?"

"Uh- actually, I was wondering if I could have your Snapchat?"

I was completely gobsmacked.

"Uh- I don't have a snap chat." A lie, but only because my snap is exclusively for my BFFEAE (Best Friend For Ever And Ever). I don't pass it out to my coworkers, family, or any other friends. Just her.

"Can I have your number then?"

Usually guys don't like. Spend this long on me. I'm Demiromantic and Asexual, and for those who don't know, that means I have no interest in having sex with anyone and have no interest in dating anyone but close friends. I never thought I'd be in this situation. Ever. The idea of anyone asking me out of the fucking blue for this is so far out of left field for my expectations that I was just staring awkwardly at him for a moment.

"... unless... age is an issue?"

"Ah- no, I am 22, but I'm just not interested in a relationship right now."

And it's the truth, honestly. My mental health has been a rollercoaster of emotions and schedules that I've been struggling to maintain for months. I did have one at the beginning of the year, but dropped it because I realized I couldn't trust my lover (he was extremely conservative, and I had to hide a lot of my life from him, but it was nice while it lasted honestly. Broke up on good terms).

"That's okay. Maybe we can just hang out sometime or something."

I'll be honest, I haven't been in good health to try a brand new friendship with a complete stranger either (I have horrid social anxiety to the point where I am basically a shit in hermit, and with everything going on in my life I don't think I can handle pushing my anxiety well).

Now, years ago, when me and my BFFEAE first moved to different states, we agreed that we could use each other's phone numbers to give out if we couldn't handle it or just wanted the guy to leave us alone. We have each other permission to pretend to be each other for it, that way they're more likely to listen thinking it's you saying "no thanks" instead of her friend saying "get off her back".

So in the span of ten seconds, because this kid was really sweet and I was still pretty shocked this was even happening, I was giving my friend's number to this sparkly-eyed kid (idk how old he was but I assumed he was younger than me, that's just my natural assumption honestly) and continued on with my work day. I told him a semi-common nickname of mine instead of my actual name bc my name is hard to spell and I didn't feel like putting much time into it.

Of course, immediately after I called my friend up and left her a message saying I passed her to this really sweet kid and to be kind with him (she's a protective mama bear kind of person) but that I simply wasn't interested and didn't have the right mindspace for a new anything.

Fast forward to when I get off work and check in with my friend, she and the kid had been chatting back and forth. Apparently he was into drugs (I have sensory issues and can't handle that kind of thing, so I feel like I've actually dodged a bullet) but was getting along really well with her otherwise. We got chatting about it when I confirmed that I'm not open to hanging out with him and that as long as she's kind and doesn't try to set me up with him or anything, I'm fine with her discussing whatever with him.

"I get it girl, we all get like that for a time. I'll keep it away from ya.

By the way, he thought you gave him a random number. He was SOO excited when I responded as you lol"

I felt absolutely sick and was horrified. I figured he would have been like "sick", but apparently he had been like "FUCK YEAH". I feel horrible for deceiving him like this, but I genuinely am in no spot where I can mentally handle picking up a new friendship, much less a romantic relationship. It doesn't help that he genuinely caught me off guard, and passing him her number was my first response to handling it.

Am I the asshole for doing this?

What are these acronyms?

[onnoffwrites]

I have been losing my shit over this damn panel for the past THREE DAYS (more or less) and I need to yell somewhere so it's gonna go here.

It all began when I was writing my fic (I think this was for My Immortal), and I needed to recap significant hakukai moments. And I remembered "hey, I should include this one thing saguru said during sunset manor that was stupidly super gay for no fucking reason" bc like, yea hakukai not canon, but if canon was gonna give me a whole ass confession then I might as well use it. So, like always, I head to mangadex to look for this panel... Except... It's not there... The line... The line's not there... But I remember... I remember something about "the only one to disrupt/disturb my thinking/mind"... Where... I didn't imagine that right? I mean I read a lot of google translated Chinese fanfics but... I REMEMBERED reading that line... In a manga... In English... ON mangadex...

This is where I should mentioned, that if you weren't around for the Great Collapse of Mangadex. Then... Well, so there was this period of time where mangadex just DIDNT EXIST. Bc there was some cyber?? Attack??? On the site??? I can't fully remember. But it like wiped out most of the site. The mangas r just, gone. So mangadex fixed it. It took a while bc they figured "might as well revamp our site and system". And they did. And it's great. And it looks beautiful now, even more than before.

But see. The line I remembered? Yea... Yea that was from before The Collapse. And mangadex let multiple translation groups submit their translations. So u can read diff translations of diff group, see how things are interpreted differently... And... I remembered this one, that I posted here up top, but I remembered there was another. One that had The Line.

And it was driving crazy so, like usual, I asked my cn friend. But my cn friend (why am I still saying that, it's @beingvv , that's the friend) has A Life, and isn't always online, and we love that for ppl. So. I'm still crazy. I can't trust my own damn mind and memory bc why tf do I remember something that isn't there (happened before btw, but that has nothing to do with this).

Luckily, I have a friend who knows jp. UNLUCKILY, I don't have the jp raws and it's from chapter 300 and we are in the thousands. So, I went back to losing my mind. Until I found it again, and realized. Heyyyyyyy there's a whole ass ANIME. So like the baggage my dear friend had the misfortune to be saddled with, I went to find the ep, timestamped it, yelled begged them for help.

This is where I lose my damn mind the first time in the recent weeks.

(thank you my dear piglet, u don't even go here but u tolerate my insanity)

THIS. THIS WAS THE LINE. THATS WHAT I REMEMBERED.

So, I feel a little more sane (bc my mind didn't fabricate a memory again) and also A LOT more insane bc WHY WOULD U SAY THAT, HAKUBA SAGURU 😭😭😭 WHY WOULD U SAY IT LIKE THAT 😭😭😭

In any case I feel validated. Told beingvv about my discoveries (for whenever they come back) not that they need it cn fandom already got the correct translation. And finished writing my fic.

And then Saguru's comeback was announced.

So I've been losing my shit for 3 days on twitter, looking at all my fave KR and JP accounts and the things they say.

And then someone dug up and old tweet thread that talked about this panel. Specifically, op talked about the nuance in the word choice used.

Here's the og thread if anyone wants to read or Google translate it urself.

(mkppyong my love, bless you)

Bc mkppyong talked to a jp acquaintance about ??? Uh I dunno just language I guess. POINT IS. They pointed out that gosho used specific words/phrases that really wasn't needed if all he wanted to say was "the only one who drives me crazy/mad." But he did used them. It's specifically "his thoughts/mind" that's being driven crazy. And that if he wants to just talk about Saguru's mind being disrupted/confused, then there's rly no need to use the words "go crazy"

And then they wrote out a whole symbolism about clocks and saguru and being broken down/disrupted and I lost my shit over the clock symbolism, sue me 😭😭😭

I don't think I'm making sense anymore bUT WAIT, THERES MORE, THE FINAL BLOW

THE THAI TRANSLATION

This is where I expose myself more than I ever want to, but here's a fact. I'm thai

Here's a second fact. I'm SHIT at Thai. I've been bad at this language before I got good at English. My Thais as good as an elementary student. Every time I understand difficult words I get confused bc where did I know THAT from???

In any case, point is, I saw that tweet, read the text, immediately understood it and began losing my shit all over again... And then I doubted... Bc like, I'm not good with this lang anymore... Maybe im understanding it wrong? So I look up Google.

Google: คลุ้มคลั่ง just means go crazy

So I was like, damn guess I'm wrong, read too much into this. BUT SEE BC I LIVE HERE I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARENT A DISGRACE. And so my friend said:

SO WELCOME TO MY THIRD ROUND OF INSANITY.

HAKUBA SAGURU WHY WOULD U SAY THIS SHIT IN FRONT OF LIKE NINE OTHER PPL 😭😭😭😭😭 BOY WHY R U TELLING THEM UR OBSESSED 😭😭😭 youre driving ME crazy 😭😭😭

So. Here we are. At the end. I have no idea how tf I'm supposed to end this post. I'VE been obsessed for 3 days straight. I don't have a lot of braincell left in me (there weren't any to begin with). I don't have a statement to wrap this post up in a nice little bow. Go make ur own conclusion I dunno.

But I would not have been losing my shit over this stupid panel for a month if it wasn't for the fact that eng translation was missing a pretty crutial thing in what Saguru said. I don't know if this was a mistranslation or a misunderstanding or something, but the English translation was lacking. And I love and have always been thankful and grateful to the ppl who worked hard to translate mangas in their free time, and do it all for free, bc I haven't had any real way to rent/borrow mangas from renting shops/libraries in years. So this was one of the only ways I can read mangas. But, even as I checked the raw panel with Google lens just now, even google translate it as "the only one to make my thoughts go round." No where was there any mention of "case" and "solving." So that's just, multiple accounts of ppl who knows jp, including native jp speakers, all saying that this panel is Saguru saying "the only one to drive me crazy". And man I rly hope this doesn't make me come off as ungrateful or like shitting on the translation team, I'm rly not. But yea. Uh. The translation was wrong. And I remembered that there used to be a diff eng translation. And it led me to go to all this trouble and journey to find out what was actually said. And here we are, at the end.

The only one who could disrupt Saguru's thinking.

The only one who could disturb Saguru's mind.

The one whose sole existence drives him mad.

The only one to make his mind obsess over till he's driven to madness.

Or to use the symbolism mkppyong wrote: the only one to break down the clock, the precise and accurate mechanism, that is Hakuba Saguru.

[queenmea604]

Puppy chan in "rut" AKA it's been so long since he's last seen you that even the faint scent of your perfume and shampoo left over the hoodie he stole has him bricked up. The moment he sees you? Strong leader bangchan is out the fuckin door and he's just your lil Wolfie/puppy who needs to breed you full of pups -🐌

Hey Anon 🐌, I really happy to see you asked about this oneshot and i'm gladly trying my best to do the oneshot like you requested and i'm sorry if the story line is not like what you want but trust me when i said that i doing my best to fulfill the request bcs i'm not so good write the smut fics so here the fics for you

Little Naughty Puppy ( B.CH )

➣ Pairing : Wolf!Bang Chan x F!reader

➣ Genre : Fluffy, Smut

➣ Words Count : 2.4k

➣ Warning : MDI!!, Masturbation(m), Oral (mxf), Breeding kink, Unprotected sex ( don't ), Cursing, Pet names, Nipple play, Fantasizing, Grinding

Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bang Chan is your wolf hybrid, but for you, he's like a little puppy for you when you both stay together. Currently, you are out of Seoul because of the work that you have been told to do by your boss, leaving Bang Chan alone at your house. When you are out of Chan eyes. He automatically changed to a serious wolf with a strong aura, but what you didn't know is that right now, Chan is in his ruts. After a few days of you leaving him alone, Chan tried to hold his pulsing dick and not try to think anything inappropriate about you.

Chan let out a hiss after he touched his own throb dick to relieve the pain he felt for a few days, and he started to pump his length in slow motion. Chan threw his head back while pursed his lips tightly until his lips were bleeding, but Chan didn't care about the taste of blood in his tongue. He just wished that he could have a taste of you when you feel arousal, and Chan was pumping his length faster when your imagination came to his mind, making him almost cums immediately.

" Y/n, Y/n, fuck " Chan moaned your name desperately.

Chan cums on his pants with an open, wide mouth on his face. Chan still can't find the relief he searched for, so Chan wants to use another alternative to make his dick less painful. He went to your clean room before he quietly stole the hoodie on your bed that you left behind after packing your clothes, and Chan could smell your shampoo on the hoodie. Chan sniffed the smell until his dick got hard again with the thought of him breeding you full of his pups while you were a mess under him. Chan warm hand grips his twitched dick while sniffling the hoodie to get more of your smell from the hoodie in his right hand while his left hand slowly teases his tip that has a pre-cum and uses it as lube to pump more of his length.

Chan palmed his cock with a messy pace to chase after his cums while imagining his hands as your tight pussy, Chan rutting his hips on his hand and tightening his grip on his tip before he moves his hands faster, and he can imagine how you will be under him when he fucks the shit out of you and Chan cums spurting out just from imagining your body full of his cum. Chan looks at the mess he makes inside your room with your hoodie still in his hand, and Chan decides that he wants to keep the hoodie and return it to you after your scent is gone from the hoodie.

~~~~~~

Next day

You will go back to your home without telling Chan about your arrival today. You get inside the quiet house, and you don't see Chan's presence around the house, so you go to your bedroom, only to freeze in front of the door when you see Chan grinding on your pillow. You cover your mouth with a surprise expression after being greeted with the most horny view from Chan. Also, it's the first time you see Chan being dominant when you're gone, and make your pussy wet already to see Chan grinding your pillow with rushed thrust.

" Channie " You spoke so gently that he didn't get startled by your voice.

Chan stopped his action after hearing your voice at the door, and he immediately turned around his head to see you already standing at your bedroom door with wide eyes, making Chan's dominant aura go away. Chan left your pillow to stand in front of you with his big doe eyes. Chan completely changed after he saw you, After a long time, he didn't get to see you because of your busy schedule.

" Y/n " Chan's voice is so soft, it almost makes you think you didn't hear his voice calling your name.

Chan pouts with a little frown in his face and has been fidgeting in his places after he didn't get to cum right away before you get home, and it feels kind of embarrassing to have you looking at him grinding your pillow like a horny wolf.

" Oh my baby " You approach Chan figure before you pull him on your warm hugs.

" I'm sorry for leaving you alone for so long. You must feel lonely " You cooed when Chan snuggled at your body and took your scent, which almost made him go crazy.

You stare at Chan, who keeps on fidgeting with a painful face, and you notice his big bulge on his pants, but you pretend not to see it before you pull away from the hugs, making Chan whine to feel your warm body. Chan felt the pain in his cock after you let go of the hugs, but what's made his cock more painful is after he caught a scent of arousal from you. Chan tried to cover his visible bulge from your eyes and didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable, but you took him by surprise when you suddenly caressed his bulge without a shame on your face.

" Looks like you have a little present for me when I get back " You tease Chan with your seductive voice.

You palmed his hard cock from outside of his pants with a teasing smirk on your face and felt how Chan cock was pulsing on your hands, making you more excited to tease your little naughty puppy. Chan held his moan while guiding your hand inside of his pants to make you feel his bare cock that felt warm and big on your hand.

" Are you in your ruts, Channie? " You asked him with a gentle voice.

Chan doesn't answer you because he is scared that if he speaks to you, he will embarrass himself more in front of you, so Chan only gives you shy nods when answering your question for him. Chan's head tilts back after you tease his tip with your soft and warm fingers.

" I should do something to make you feel less pain. You must be in pain after I left the house a few days ago, and you have been a good puppy to me " You whispered in Chan's ear until he shivered from your voice in his sensitive ears.

" Mm, I want to feel you " Chan said, looking at your e/c with hopes in his own eyes.

You push Chan's body to let him lay on your bed before you strip from your own clothes in front of his eyes.

" Strip for me, baby " You ordered him.

Chan did what you told him to do with eagerness when he stripped himself fully from his clothes and waited patiently at your bed with a hard dick for you to see. You lick your lips seductively after seeing Chan's long and big cock with pre-cum oozing out from his tip. Your hands grab his cock before you pump the cock in your hands slowly while you stare directly at Chan's pleasure face, Chan bucking his hips impantiently after you pump his cock.

" Ahh- ahh, so- good " Chan moans with a furrowed eyebrow.

Chan let out a gasp after feeling your warm mouth on his tip. You, kitty, licked his tip and made the whole cock enter your warm mouth. You bobbed your head up and down while teasing Chan Tip, and you squeezed Chan ball with your hand before you felt Chan trying to move his cock inside of your mouth. You let Chan deep-throat your mouth until you gag from his big cock while Chan held your head so that he could control your movement on his cock.

" Ahh- ahh, I'm cumming- I'm cumming " Chan screamed until the neighbour could hear his loud moan.

You hollowed your mouth so that you could make him cum more faster than he expected. Chan's thick thighs were shaking from the stimulation he felt right now when he cumming inside your mouth. You let go of his cock and showed him how you were swallowing his cum with a smile on your face. Chan's cock got hard again with the unexpected view in front of him with your mouth full of his cum, like he always imagines when he thinks about you wherever he feels horny, so after seeing that, in reality, it makes him want you more than before.

Chan is making you lay on your bed while he opens your legs widely, and he can see how wet your pussy is after you give him a blowjob. Without wasting another time, Chan buried his face on your core and licked a stripe of your core that was full of your arousal, and Chan finally knew how you tasted and made his thirst more for your taste. You let out a moan without care if your neighbors will complain the next day at your house door for being noisy, because right now what you can think is how Chan gave you the true pleasure you had been seeking from him for a long time.

You always fantasize about Chan's big cock and are always curious to feel how his big dick enters you after you accidentally see his dick when he takes a shower. From that time on, you will quietly get off thinking about him fucking you raw and making you pregnant with his pups, and you keep it's secret for a year from Chan. You also know how Chan wanted to fuck you after you caught him moaning your name softly when he was masturbating in his room. You always know that Chan will steal your clothes to use when he wants to get off, so that's why you purposely left your hoodie when you went to your outstation, and you want to see how Chan reacted.

" I need you, I need you now, Channie " You whined to him.

Chan mouth is wet with your arousal when he lifts up his face to look up at your face with a full lust in his eyes, Chan licking his lips before he gets up on your body with a smirking expression on his face, only giving you a kiss after that and making you taste yourself on his lips. Both of your tongues are fighting each other, and Chan bites down on your lips after he lets go of your swollen lips, and Chan kisses trailing to your neck, Chan sucking your neck to leave a visible hickey on your neck so that other men can't approach you anymore.

" I'm going to make you scream my name and make you forget about other men on your head " Chan said possessively.

You bite down your lips when you find Chan very attractive right now, so you kiss his plump lips once again, but this time with eagerness, and while you guys were sloppy kissing, Chan rubbed his length on your bare pussy lips until both of you let out an audible noise. Chan saw that your nipples were getting erect from him rubbing his length on your pussy lips. Chan started playing with your hard nipple, and he teased the hardening nipple with his fingers before sucking your nipple and biting the hard nipple softly to see a reaction from you, and you moaned Chan's name after he teased your hard nipple.

You tug harshly on Chan's hair while you and Chan grind to each other with lust on your bodies. Chan would growl lowly when his cock could feel how wet you were down there for him, and he also couldn't wait to be inside your pussy and feel how tight your core could squeeze him. You told him to push his cock inside you because you couldn't wait anymore after his cock continuously teased your core, so Chan pushed his cock slowly inside your core and felt how your inside squeezed his cock.

" Mine, you're mine " Chan growled in your ears when he moved inside of you.

Chan harshly thrusting his big cock on your pussy before quickening his pace, Chan's cock kept on hitting your g-spot and making you lose your voice from the pleasure you feel, and Chan knew it that he would make you feel the pleasure until he kept on hitting the same spot to see your pleasure face, which made him more turned on to breed you until you were full of his puppies. Chan really wants to see how you will look when he fills you with his pups, so you can't run away from him and make you the mother of the pups he will put inside your womb. You hold Chan's muscular arms to tell him you almost reached your climax until Chan's seeds fill you up and almost make you full of his seed.

" Ahh, you will be the mother of pups, and I will continuously put my pups inside you so you will forever stay with me, babygirl " Chan said, smirking when he looked directly into your eyes.

You take a long, deep breath with a sweating body until you feel uncomfortable and want to take a shower right away, but Chan knots has not stopped, so you have to wait until Chan knots stops, and you didn't expect that his knots would last for two hours to stop when Chan told you that information.

" I like this, I like when you get close to me " Chan admits while shyly giving you a smile after he fucks you like the world will end.

" I always fantasize about you if you want to know, and I purposely left the hoodie for you so you can use it for your needs " You tell him the truth about the hoodie you left in your room.

Chan looked so shocked to discover that from yourself, and he kind of liked the idea, so he told you to do that again next time if you have to go out of Seoul or another country.

" I hope you can breed me again next time " You sneakily whisper in his ears.

Chan feels his dick get hard again for the second time after you say that to him.

" Ready for round 2? " Chan raised his eyebrow teasingly at you.

The next round starts shortly, and both of you are fucking each other like horny teenagers until the next neighbour has to come knocking at your house door to complain about the noise they keep hearing until dawn.

The End

[cool-person-yey]

ok but what are the puter voices trying to say????

or: my theory on what the fuck Chester&Norris have going on

so first of all, the voices are trying to communicate with the OIAR through reading the incidents, that's something that basically everyone has noticed, now here's the thing: what are they trying to say?

we only got one Augustus case ( at the moment I'm writing this) so I'm gonna leave him out of this.

anyways, now to the good part, first off let's start with our favorite whiny little toad:

Norris

Norris speaks in episodes 1, 3, 8 and 12

my theory is that Norris is trying to warn them of the consequences their actions (and choices because this is the "at the end of the day, you just need to make a choice" podcast) could have.

in episode 1, this one's a bit obvious, but it shows the consequences ( only " some parts" of their loved one coming back) of them trying to get the person they loved back.

in episode 3, it shows the consequences ( the guy turning into a fucking tree) of the ' statement giver' ( can't think of a better name sorry) killing his ex.

in episode 8, this one I'm not 100% sure tbh, like yeah the consequence is the guy getting a part of their body eaten, but the cause I'm not so sure. maybe the fact they accepted to go in the building ( even if they didn't understand why they did it. something something even if the choices are shitty you still made a choice), or maybe something relating to the ex-wife they mentioned earlier in the incident? that'd be a bit of a far reach, but I'm not discarding anything. It could also be just the fact that they applied and got hired for the job.

in episode 12, the consequences ( whatever the fuck that was. I'm still not over that) of Gwen giving Mr Bonzo that envelope. do i even need to say anything else?

now, to our beloved Archivist Spooky Computer Voice!

Chester

Chester speaks in episodes 1, 5, 7, 9 and 11

my theory is that Chester is trying to warn them to not fucking mess with that type of stuff, and if you're going to, fucking be ready

in episode 1, this one's a bit obvious, RedCanary choosing to explore the magnus Institute, and that resulting in... well, we still don't know yet it but it sure as hell didn't go well. that was a very clear " do not go to the fucking magnus institute manchester" and what did they do? go to the fucking magnus institute manchester

in episode 5 a warning about being desensitized to horror, the characters ( especially Alice) have mentioned dozens of times how they just don't get scared that much anymore, that episode was showing that that isn't always a good thing. also the more obvious don't trust spooky shit but eh

episode 7 it's a bit tricky, I'd say it's a warning to either a) hiring new people (aka Celia? maybe Chester doesn't trust her? idk) or b) trusting people, just like, in general?

episode 9, a warning about making choices, and how ppl are gonna make shitty choices bc they're in shitty situations— but hey, at the end of the day, you still made a choice. or simply about Spooky Artefacts™

episode 11 this one seemed to be very much targeted at Alice, and it seems to be warning her about the paranoia that a paranormal experience can give you. And considering Alice's earlier comment about being followed, I'd say the tattoo being the boat bring hunted by something is definitely something to consider.

but well, this is just a theory, a magnus protocol theory.

seriously tho, i love this initial point of every series cuz i can just make up a lot of connections that in the future prob won't make sense but like, we don't have shit so might as well make up our own lmao.

that being said, maybe i got a few things right! only time will tell. my goal is to say as much random theories as i can until i get atleast one (1) thing right.

thanks for reading all of this, and if you have any addition that you'd like to make feel free!

[sugar-omi]

my thoughts have been nothing but Cove with a collar and leash. Just you pulling the leash while he fucks you or you fucking him from behind while pulling it. Pulling him down on his knees and having him crawl towards you.

i instantly knew i needed a whole fic on this, anon you could not have sent this at a better time pls... i've actually been thinking abt this all day!! also i'm glad someone else had this thought bc ive thought abt it before n its so.... hnggg... eta now that ive finished writing: THIS IS THE NASTIEST FIC I THINK IVE EVER WRITTEN N ITS LONGER THAN I THOUGHT IT'D BE.... i think you can tell i Actually lost my mind while writing, pls i was SO INTO IT AHHH THIS IS MY FAVORITE RN HOLY SHIT

DAY TWO — COLLARING

*kinktober masterlist | *ao3

tags : NSFW, gn reader, multiple choice dialogue, dom!reader + sub!cove, switch cove/reader, begging, a bit of dacryphilia (crying), orgasm denial, master + puppy titles, puppy play (implied/mentioned), dirty talk/degradation

synopsis : you put a collar and leash on cove, he likes the control you have over him.

cove is so handsome already, waking up to your pretty husband always leaves you on cloud nine.

but having cove in front of you, squirming as he tries to be patient while you clasp the collar around his neck and straighten it...

"master..?" cove mutters, speaking carefully as if any louder, and it'll break the moment building between you.

"yes, puppy? what is it?" you pet cove's bangs away from his forehead, settling your fingers in the messy strands.

he's so pretty like this. looking up at you with those big eyes... you could keep him like this forever.

"will you uh..." cove swallows, his fingers finding the ridged edge of his scar. "make it tighter?"

you lift your brows, curious at the request. "i'll tighten it by one loop, no more."

cove smiles, if he had a tail it would wag. "that's fine."

you undo the buckle and tighten it, fidgeting with it until you're satisfied. "there. what do you think?"

cove turns around, not moving from his knees, and faces the mirror where he leans forward and trails the edge of his new collar with his finger tips.

"its nice..." he trails off, feel speechless at his new jewelry, and a natural habit as he gets into the scene.

you pull his head back by his hair, standing over him. "now what do you say to master?" you urge, ready to turn the tables but you're trusting cove to be obedient, especially with his gift.

he licks his lips, squirming. "t-thank you, master.."

you smile, leaning down to kiss your boys forehead. "good boy."

cove gazes into your eyes, so full of love and trust.

and while he's admiring you, probably thinking something cheesy even when he's like this, you clasp the leash on his neck.

"oh-" cove's throat strains against the collar as he tries to look at his new addition.

"you can't walk a dog without a leash, puppy." you remark, not bothering to fight the smirk on your lips.

cove nods, biting his lip as he follows the length of the leash to your hand.

you pet his hair, fixing the strands. "it's weird seeing you with this new collar, isn't it?" you don't expect a reply but cove agrees. "we'll just make new memories with this one..."

"ma-master!" cove whines loudly, pushing his hips back on your strap / dick.

you tut, gripping cove's hips and tugging on his leash hard enough to make his shoulders roll back, you can't fight the grin that spreads across your lips when he yells, and tightens around your length, whining at the drag.

"stay still, puppy. use your words if you want something." you reprimand, leaning over cove's back to kiss his neck.

he pants, tugging at the sheets. "master..."

you work your way up to his jaw, planting kisses all along the way. "yes, puppy?"

cove looks back at you, his eyes big and glassy, "harder.. please?"

you coo, kissing cove's cheek. "see how easy it is to use your words?" you tug on cove's leash to bring his upper body up so you can kiss him, the kiss is messy, and cove is drooling but it's so cute to see how mindless he gets when you put the collar on him.

you adjust your position to fulfill cove's wish, wrapping the leash around your hand and pulling it taut while you fuck into his willing body with abandon.

cove moans loudly, cursing as your tip slams against his prostate.

you grin at the moans easily falling from his lips, singing so beautifully for you. "what do you say?"

cove is silent, save for his loud and lewd moans before he speaks in a shaky voice. "thank you! thank you master!"

you tug on the leash again, relishing in the shaky groan that comes from cove.

"i'm.. i'm gonna cum!" cove pants, clawing at the sheets as he pushes back on your cock.

"don't you dare cum, i didn't give you permission." you wrap your hand between his legs to squeeze the tip.

"ah- y/n, please!" cove begs, wide eyes pleading with you to let him finish.

"bad pups don't get to finish," you growl, tugging on the leash so he's flushed against your chest. "you didn't even address me properly. why would i let you cum?"

cove whimpers, "please.. i'm sorry, master! i'll do anything.."

you kiss his cheeks before you find his lips, softly slipping your tongue in your fretting pups mouth, trying to kiss his distress away.

"poor baby... how about this, if you can fuck me i'll let you cum."

cove looks at you with wide eyes, used to being on the bottom even if you're taking his cock.

he swallows, clearly wishing you'd just fuck him until he can't think but also wanting to obey. he nods, "yes, yes master..."

he's even prettier like this. so pathetic and darling, leaning over you on shaky arms as he weakly ruts into your hole.

"awe, you can do better than that, puppy." you coo, tugging on the leash to get his attention, cove's eyes stuck on your hole swallowing up his sensitive dick.

"but-but... i'm so sensitive!" he cries, referring to the cock ring you slipped on him beforehand.

"but you've endured so much more than a bit of edging, surely my sweet boy can get through this?" you sooth, squeezing cove's hand thats clinging onto yours for comfort.

cove whimpers, resting his head on your shoulder.

you smack your lips irritably. your puppy is so pathetic today, usually he's so enthusiastic even when you deny him orgasm. maybe you need to be more strict...

deciding cove needs to remember who's in charge, you wrap the leash around your hand and stretch your arm out to tug cove out of your shoulder.

"ah-!" cove's eyes widen, and you can feel his cock twitch from the way the sudden tug chokes him, the collar straining on his throat but not uncomfortably painful.

"i'm being lenient here, puppy. don't make me punish you." you fix your eyes sternly, trying to break through cove's fucked out daze. you're still in charge. "do you want your first time in this collar to be a punishment?"

cove shakes his head, his hair flopping around. "no, master.." he mutters weakly.

"come here, sweet boy..." you reach for him, pulling him into a kiss.

cove whines into the kiss, hardly letting you breathe in between kisses. you tug on his bottom lip with your teeth when you break the kiss, pushing against cove's chest.

"keep going puppy, you can finish this time." you promise, making cove light up.

he rambles his thank you's, situating your legs on his shoulders and he starts to move even though his thrusts are shaky and you both moan in tandem when his tip bumps against your cervix / prostate.

this time cove is more enthusiastic, his hips bucking wildly into you and making your bounce against the pillows with every thrust.

cove pants, his lips parted and his tongue poking out. "you're so.. so beautiful, master..."

you coo, accepting the compliment but you can't help but tease him. "so sweet. but are you sure- ah- you're.. not talking about my ass / pussy?"

cove huffs, looking up at you with those same glassy eyes and shaking his head.

you laugh and mock in a shaky voice, "but isn't that why you're such a dumb puppy today? because master fucked you dumb on their dick and even now all you can think about is cumming inside your master."

cove moans lowly at the accusation, and even if he tried to fight it, he can't deny that his thrusts picked up pace, further abusing your insides, and he just pants wildly.

you tug on the leash, propping yourself on your elbows so you can tug his head back. "that's it! let go and just be my dumb cock / pussy drunk puppy!"

cove nods, looking at you with tears slipping from his beautiful eyes, "yes master, wanna.. wanna be yours.." he babbles, holding your hips down so he can thrust up into you, practically humping you like a dog.

"i know baby, tell me how much of a slut you are. admit it, you like when i collar you and make you act like a dog?" you groan, throwing your head back when cove hits a sweet spot inside you

"ye-yes! i love it!" cove pants, his eyes welling up again.

you stutter out a coo in between cove's rough thrusts, "and following me around on all fours, with anal beads shoved up your slutty hole?"

cove whimpers loudly, crumbling at the dirty talk.

"you look so pretty with that tail swinging behind you, i should've put it inside you today." you wistfully ramble.

"gonna-gonna come... master can i please, please cum?" cove whines out through gritted teeth, leaning over you so he's actually humping you this time.

"cum for me puppy, you're so good for me." you praise, reaching between your bodies to stroke your sex, huffing when your fingers brush against the sensitive nerves.

cove finishes quickly, his hips stuttering into your fluttering entrance as he weakly finishes inside you, his cock twitching against your sensitive insides.

you finish with him, shaking and accidently tugging on the leash that's still tight in your grip.

cove whines and curls himself into your neck, his breathing slowly evening out.

you push back his hair, encouraging him to look at you and you're met with his pretty eyes, lashes spiked from tears and his cheeks flushed and sweaty.

you coo, "my beautiful boy, you did so good.." you lean forward to kiss his nose, enjoying how he scrunched up his face. "so you definitely like the collar, baby?"

cove flushes, tilting his head but looking at you through his lashes. eventually he nods, "yeah..."

[aleksa-sims]

RL Story

CW: Divorce, addiction

It was a Friday, October 13th to be exact. Daniel and I are getting a divorce today. After weeks, he finally signed the divorce papers. I was devastated. It was so hard for me to take this step. But I had to finish it, for my Baby and also for myself, to finally forget Daniel. We met near the city hall, where we had an appointment with a divorce-case officer and judge.

Once there, I saw Daniel coming towards me. I honestly didn’t want to divorce him. I loved him, still, so much. 😥But... that's just the way life is. 😞... He looked at me... I wanted to hug him but instead I just said sadly, hi. Daniel seemed absent for a moment, staring at my belly. 🩵👶

He had this... empty look. Not sad or angry, rather.... emotionless.

With my eyes lowered, I just stood there. I struggled to hold back my tears. Exactly a year ago we moved together. I was so happy with him and now this. 😞

Me: I'm so sorry. I never wanted this! And I still don’t want it. I wish we could just go home together.

Daniel: Same, but...let's not get into that now. Relax and think about your Baby.

Me: What?

Daniel: It's gonna be okay. Trust me.... C'mon, let’s get this over with.

Me: Yea,,...whatever you say. 😞

Um.... well! Daniel and I didn’t get divorced today. The judge asked us why we wanted to divorce? D.'s & my statements left some question marks with the judge, I think? We have to wait six months, before we get divorced.... Daniel said that my jealousy (Tina, Irma...) & insecurity were the biggest probs for him in our relationship.😠... However, the real reason for postponing our divorce was bcs Daniel inherited Dominick’s plot & house. (division of property) Although I refused any claim to Daniel’s property!!

Me: Did you really, seriously mean what you said to them?

Daniel: I answered all questions honestly.

Me: Why didn’t you just give the real reason for our divorce? You took off!!! I didn't know where you were!! And my Baby isn't yours. This fact is the reason for our divorce! You can't handle that I'm pregnant. Or that we are both addicts, which would have been a good reason why we can’t stay together! 🤦‍♀️

Daniel: The juge asked me WHY, I left! You got it?.... You and my borther, your secrets drove me crazy. That fucking shit about Tina. I was overwhelmed with my shit, our drugs you and your delusions. I kept trying to make you happy! I only loved you and I only wanted you. But you just didn’t believe me. Be honest, it wasn’t my fault, just yours!! You don’t know what you want! And you can’t make decisions! But I’m not like N.! I don’t want to tell you what to do or how to live your life. You are responsible for yourself! Finally get it, or just stay with your soccer player and let him control you.

Me: What kind of shit are you talking?? Nico doesn’t do any of this to me.

Daniel: I talked to him! He said, you won’t be the same after he’s done with you. He told me this to my face!! And btw, I can’t stand Alex calling you Lexi!! 😠

Me: You must have misunderstood N. He isn't like that! He was just upset, bcs I confessed what I wanted from you the other day. Besides, you’re jealous too!!! Anyway.... I-.. I just can’t stand it around you anymore. And I’m sorry I was so jealous. I loved you so much. I wanted to do anything for you. I was terrified to lose you. I’m sorry. Sorry I was such a freak to you. But I didn’t do anything wrong with your brother, D.!! There was NOTHING between Alex and me!! IDK how many times I’ve had to say this damn sentence. Finally get it!....

Me: It hurts so much and it just doesn’t stop.... I don’t want to love you anymore. I wish you’d never married me. 😢

Daniel: Damn, I-... I'm sorry. I still struggle with that... stress disorder. Either I feel nothing-... or I boil with rage.🤦‍♂️

Me: It's ok.. I'm leaving.... See you in 6 moths. And.. stay off drugs, just... take care, Daniel. 😢

Daniel: Wait!

Me: I gotta go. Sorry. Bye!.... 😭

Daniel: I-...... love you.

I just wanted to get away from there. Far away from.... him.💔 Not really, but.... agh, you know what I mean. And I’ll see Daniel again sooner than I thought. Right after delivery. It was about that annoying name change. D. and I were officially still married, but I didn't want to give my Son his surname. D. is not his Dad, but N. Such a mess!!

Previous/Next

[sleepy-vix]

journal/braindump 26/3/24

i hope life gets better soon. school is so miserable and weird and i just constantly feel like my physical shape is blurred and i'm but a a faceless entity drifting through the crowded and sweaty halls. when i speak to people it feels like i have to physically force myself to and i'm always so conscious of the fact that i would really love it if i were alone and not speaking to anybody at all.

i don't feel confident in myself and i feel like this year has passed by way too fast and i feel like just attempting to live feels like a bunch of cold sand is piled in my hands, and like sand does, it slips easily through my fingers and all i can do is watch. i feel so stupid and so naive all the damn time

for a while i had believed that everything would be okay, and then for a while after that i believed that i should kill myself. i'm okay now, i still feel very unsettled and it's like i'm not really me but i feel fine enough to function and i feel fine enough to live and wish to keep on living

i wish to keep on living

tomorrow i will wake up early and i will make myself coffee and i will sit down and read (i've had reading block for 2 days- which seems short but its annoying for me bc i really really want to read but i feel too restless and distracted to). i'll try to be nice to myself and protect my peace really hard and go on walks or something

i find that watching youtube videos where people just sit and talk, or rearrange their house and books, is really calming to me. i can't wait to just sit in front of the tv with a cup of matcha and a box of chocolates and just watching people talk, or watch all the movies ive been meaning to watch for sooo long

autumn is rolling around, and i'm infinitely greatful that it is because i always feel so inspired during this season. autumn makes me want to read, it makes me want to watch more films and eat more food and drink warm drinks that make me feel okay inside.

i also hope to pick up journalling again, but i'm not sure if i will because i don't have my own printer for images and idk what to journal but i have recently tried to just draw pictures- ive recently written journal pages on what i want to read, and also an "about me" page, and hand drew pictures. it's nice, but it doesn't give the same effect as full out journalling (with stickers, images, tape, etc... sigh.). i hope i journal more this holiday nonetheless.

i also hope to read without feeling so much pressure. i usually have no problem with reading whatever i want to read, as i like to think of myself as somebody who isnt easily influenced by other people's views (eg. if someone told me i have to read a certain book, i will consider it but i wont read it unless i want to) , but lately i've been thinking of all the books i want to read this holiday (for me i have autumn break in one week- and autumn break lasts for 2 weeks) and as u can imagine, it is very stressful bc ive somehow fallen into the mindset that i must read ALL of those books before next term or else.

fyi the books comprise of

- the complete collection of jane austen

- the complete collection of sherlock holmes

- the poppy war

- the iliad

- hamlet

- the metamorphosis

soo yeah... especially the first two points are stressing me out haha... im starting the poppy war now but im a little nervous bc ppl keep saying that its VERY gory??? and i usually dont care abt such things but lately my nerves and emotions have been such a wreck that i dont trust myself to read it in a calm manner

i'll try to break free of this toxic reader mindset tho! it would be nice if i could talk to people abt books, so it feels like im engaging with my hobby while not actually having to do the hobby, but nobody ik irl will want to talk abt books as i do

MAN i so badly want to rant abt booktok (ok actually i wont expand on this bc its a very sore point for me in the sense that i might get worked up over it and then feel shit afterwards for displaying sm emotion)

anywaysss next topic

ummm i get my maths result back on thursday and im so fucking scared bc i know i messed up bad for a few questions but im not sure if it was enough to drop me down to a b... idk i REALLY REALLY WANT AN A. like istg my whole self esteem for until the next exams roll around is goijg to be based off my maths result.. fuck im so emotionally immature its laughable

ummm also i have literature class tmr and i love lit class but we have to watch fucking "shes the man" and im sorry but i hate that movie so so much (ive never watched it before but we watched half of it last lesson and it was soo annoying). ughh why is my eng teacher making us watch this 😭😭

also my eng teacher is very blunt and therefore very interesting to talk to so ive been wanting to ask him abt books hes read lately but i CANT bc we have to watch thats tupid fucking movie and also he has to mark papers :( but also like hes the only intellectually stimulating person ik irl so what am i meant to do with all of my buzzing book thoughts ughh (rhetorical question. pls dont answer) :(

hmm what else is there to say

oh yeah last night i had a dream tjat i got a B+ for english and that was... it was like a nightmare im not even kidding. it was such a vivid dream too- everybody else got an A meanwhile i got a B+ (very close to an A) and i was just absolutely shocked and i desperately begged my teacher to give me some extra credit work so i can bump it up to an A-... yeah...

oh but also back to me wanting to have a better life- i think i'll take myself to the thrift more and go out with my friend (yes, singular. theres only one friend that i like hanging out with outside of school 💀) atleast once this holiday... thats what teen girls my age do, right??? haha...

also i want to watch ladybird and the perks of being a wallflower and rewatch little women and dead poets society !

i also might reread solitaire but aghh that makes me stressed out abt reading again... fuck. maybe i should just take a break from reading omfg

i cant wait to wake up early tomorrow and drink coffee though! :)

also i will make more spotify playlists (it makes me rlly happy to) and MAYBE even try cooking????????????? man idfk im desperate okay? feeling suicidal is not fun and i dont want to feel like that again this year. i cant afford thay bc im meant to be an academic weapon :( (lol who am i kidding? im more like an academic victim)

also maybe i will just text my friends more in general. it stresses me out and makes me feel icky but the other day, i had a nice and fun and lighthearted texting convo with one of my class friends and it made me realise that i should probably text people more ...

lol

anyways i think thats all? i think ive gotten everything off my chest for now. i liked doing this actually. maybe i'll do it more often idk 💀💀

hope u guys have a good day 🙏 i dont actually expect anyone to read this but if you did, i hope you have a good day TIMES TWO!

no refunds :}