#bc it’s the same Christmas party story but then things continue well into the next year

[yaminerua]

There’s no consistency across the clamp school timeline and it’s hilarious bc everything is all over the place and god knows when these kids’ school terms begin and end lmfao

[j-elaine-hyde]

The Bean Chronicles: Part 18

Henry Cavill / Reader

It was finally Christmas Eve. You and Henry had decided to forgo the parties and stay at home together. Tomorrow morning you’d be meeting his family bright and early for Christmas. Despite becoming close with his mother you were still nervous about meeting the entire clan.

“Dinner smells amazing, my love.” Henry wrapped his arms around you, and nuzzled your neck.

You laughed and pressed against him, “I hope it tastes as good as it smells!”

He patted your butt before scooping up a finger full of mashed potatoes.

“Stay out of that mister, it’s almost done.” You shook your head at him with a smile.

“I’ll get the wine. Red?” He was scanning the wine rack as you watched him. You would never tire of looking at this gorgeous man.

He popped open a bottle as you pulled the roasted vegetables out of the oven. “Time to eat!”

-

You were curled up on the sofa watching “A Christmas Story” when Henry shifted out from underneath you and walked to the tree. He produced a small gift and handed it to you.

“Merry Christmas my love....” he smiled as he sat down facing you. “I can’t wait any longer. I want you to open this one now.”

Your throat felt tight looking at the small square box in your hands.

“Well then you have to open one of yours too.” You placed the box on the table and hopped up. Knowing exactly which one to pick, you pulled the long rectangular box from the stack and sat down.

“You have to go first. Merry Christmas Hen.” You handed him the small box and watched him rip open the paper. As soon as he saw the unwrapped box he looked up and smiled.

“Darling.... I already know I love it.” He smiled as he opened the box.

Inside was a vintage Rolex, the same worn by James Bond.

“Oh my god... baby.... are you serious?!”

“Look at the back...”

He turned the watch to better see the inscription. “Always yours, XO Y/n” he read it aloud. “This is incredible.... how did you find this?!”

“I might have had some help. But I thought since you had the car, you might as well have the watch too.”

He carefully set the watch on the table before lunging forward at you, wrapping you in his arms. “I’m blown away baby.... I can’t believe you found this. I love you so much. You’re amazing. Thank you my love!” He continued kissing you all over as you laughed.

With one long, deep kiss he sat you back up. “Ok now mine. Which I thought was going to wow... but I can’t top your gift....”

You picked up the small square box. “Oh Hen...I’m sure I’ll love it darling....”

You unwrapped the paper, your breath hitching in your throat as you saw the red of the Cartier box. You opened it to see two “love” rings inside.

“One is for now, for your right hand. The other is for later, for you left.”

You looked at him with a stunned surprised look before quickly smiling and holding out your right hand. He picked up the rose gold band and slid it onto your right ring finger.

“I love it Hen... thank you...” you stared at the ring on your finger, “it’s beautiful.”

You continued looking at the ring as you climbed into his lap. You clutched his face and gently kissed him, smiled and said, “I love you. Thank you, I love it.... I’m never taking it off.”

“I do have another gift for you... I have to go get it out of the bedroom.”

“The bedroom huh....” you laughed.

He patted your butt, “Hop up darling and I’ll go get it.” You smiled and give him another kiss before sliding back onto the sofa.

You watched as he got up and walked down the hall. You quickly grabbed the Cartier box, opening it to look at the ‘ring for later’ you were giddy that he had already bought a wedding band, curious if he had already purchased an engagement ring as well.

You heard Henry coming down the hall and closed the box, placing it back on the coffee table.

In walked Henry in a sexy Santa outfit. Your eyes lit up and your mouth dropped open in a surprised smile.

“Santa heard you were on the naughty list young lady...” he raised and wiggled his eyebrows at you before walking over and scooping you up off the sofa.

“I’ve been a very naughty girl...” you said in your sexiest voice.

“Well Santa is going to take you to his workshop so we can work on you being naughty some more....” he shifted you, pushing you over his shoulder as he opened the bedroom door.

He tossed you onto the bed, standing at the foot of it and slid off his suspenders.

“Santa baby....” you mewed as you beckoned him to come with your finger.

Kneeling onto the bed he began peeling off your leggings.

-

Once you were both naked he hovered over you, “Thank you baby... that James Bond Rolex is incredible.”

“You’re welcome honey.... I’m glad you love it.”

“I really do. I hope you like yours... I realize it’s not exactly what you probably thought it was going to be... but...”

You frowned and interrupted him, “Honey... Henry... I love it. This one is gorgeous and I’ll never take it off, and I’ll always think of you when I look at it. It’s a fun way to say ‘you liked it and put a ring on it’ without setting the whole tabloid world on fire.”

“Baby... I don’t want you to think that I don’t want to marry you... after all I did kind of give you your wedding band tonight... I just didn’t want to be THAT guy that proposed on Christmas. I want that to be it’s own holiday. And I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about getting engaged.... so this was a sort of test. I guess.”

“Hen... of course I want to marry you. But I am glad you didn’t propose on Christmas... I agree with you. That needs to be its own special thing. I’m not going anywhere... there’s no pressure. I love you. And I love my ring.”

“I’m calling it a promise ring. I promise to always love you.” He sweetly kissed you on the lips before flipping over, pulling you on top of him.

You sat up, perched on top of him, looking down at his gorgeous face. “So what happens when Santa is naughty?” You grinned and laughed as he bucked his hips, bouncing you.

“Ohhhh babygirl.... allow me to show you....” he raised a single eyebrow as a devilish smirk crossed his face.

—

You had decided to start Christmas morning off by waking up Henry with a gift... you slid under the covers, taking him into your mouth. You gently tugged with your hand as his member sprang to life. You were really getting into it when you heard Henry moan.

“Mmmmm good morning baby.... fuck I love you.... don’t stop....”

You continued but only for a few more seconds before Henry sat up and pulled you out of the covers, and onto the bed. He made a beeline for your neck and began kissing before he thrust into you.

-

You stood in the kitchen wearing one of Henry’s tee shirts as you sipped your coffee. Henry walked in fresh out of the shower in only boxers.

“Good morning my love.... Merry Christnas.” He kissed you on the forehead as he made a cup of coffee.

“Merry Christmas. I’m going to go take a shower and get ready.”

“Why didn’t you shower with me? Hmmm?” He asked as he slid his hand around to your ass giving it a quick pat.

“Because we don’t have that much time Hen... we wouldn’t have showered and we’d be late to your parents.” You laughed as you gave him a kiss on your way out of the kitchen.

“You know I’m right!” You hollered as you continued down the hall.

-

You were finishing your makeup as Henry walked out of the closet in jeans and a sweater: how was it possible that he looked incredible in literally anything?

“Hen... honey... I picked out a few outfits, they’re on the bed.... would you pick one?”

“Let’s see...” he began as he rubbed his hands together surveying the clothes you had laid out. “I’m voting for the dress, bc then I can feel you up and tease you and have easy access.”

“HEN!! Honey.... I’m serious.” You have an exasperated laugh.

“I am too!”

“Babe.... please.” You whined.

“I’m serious. I want easy access.” He finally sighed and gave in. “Jeans, blouse, blazer, boots outfit.”

“Thank you. That’s what I was thinking given your outfit.”

“We could always match.... I love the pictures of us when we match. Is that corny? I don’t care. I like it.”

Henry went back into the closet.

“Babe... what are you doing?” You asked as you stood up and started getting dressed.

“Ahha! Here it is!” He came out of the closet holding a sweater of yours that was just similar enough to his that it looked like you went together, but weren’t twins.

You had just pulled on your jeans when you looked up at him. You almost blurt out ‘are you serious?!’ But you legitimately knew he wanted you to wear it. So you did.

-

Henry walked around the car to open your door. You swallowed hard as your peered out the window at the large house. Your palms felt a little sweaty as Henry offered his hand, helping you out of the car.

“They’re all going to love you, my dear.” He smiled that megawatt melt you from the inside out smile that made your knees weak. He tightly held you hand as you walked to the front door. The curtains shifting quickly letting you know prying eyes had been watching.

His parents opened the door as Henry reached out for the knob.

“Merry Christmas!” They sang in unison as they welcomed the two of you inside.

Henry’s mom rushed you with a hug and a whisper, “they’re already impressed my dear. Just have fun.”

She smiled at you and tapped the side of her nose knowingly as Henry’s father took a step towards you. “Welcome home! You’re family now! It’s so nice to finally meet you. The Mrs. hasn’t stopped gushing about you. I feel as if I already know you.” He grabbed you in a tight hug before offering to take your coat.

Henry’s nephews and niece ascended next as they tackled his legs and jumped in front of him, all screaming and shouting with excitement.

“Let them get in the door at least!” You heard a man’s voice bellow from the living room.

Henry spun and smiled at you, wrapping his free hand around your waist, pulling you close as he tried to walk with his new passengers.

-

You arrived home utterly exhausted, slightly drunk, and extremely happy. Henry’s family had been absolutely wonderful. You adored each and every one of them. They had welcomed you into their family, even before opening your lavish gifts.

TBC

[cultofbeatles]

beginners guide to the members of led zeppelin (kind of)

a disclaimer before anyone starts reading: we all know led zeppelin is shady as hell and we hardly ever get anything confirmed or denied around here. so some stuff is up for speculation. everything in this post are things i've read in books, heard in interviews, or got from some other source. when it comes to “facts about led zeppelin” sometimes you gotta take it with a grain of salt. but honestly it’s led zeppelin we’re talking about, anything is possible. also this is all in good fun and giggles. with that being said, let’s get started with introductions to the members themselves.

jimmy page 

james patrick page 

born on January 9, 1944 

he’s a capricorn sun, cancer moon, and scorpio rising so you just know he’s a crazy motherfucker 

was an amazing session guitarist and basically everyone wanted him 

went to art school bc he’s just talented at everything i guess 

if you didn't know already he played the guitar for Joe cocker’s ‘with a little help from my friends’

declined his first offer to join the yardbirds but later decided to join 

was the last member to leave the group

basically was the leader of led zeppelin 

was gifted a telecaster guitar by his friend jeff beck and he adored it 

and he painted a cool dragon design on it 

played on it for the first led zeppelin album 

when he was on tour one of his friends painted over his dragon design and ruined the guitar 

he produced all of led zeppelin’s albums and is responsible for the remastering of those same albums 

paid for led zeppelin’s first album to be produced with his own money

deadass would have whips and handcuffs around with him on tour for the groupies 

but was apparently an amazing lover and cared for the people he slept with

one time he got naked on a food cart thingy, put whip cream over his body, and had john bonham push him into a room with groupies in it 

has such a small and soft voice 

was fascinated in aleister crowley and his work

would collect crowely memorabilia 

even bought crowley’s boleskine house 

had a bookstore at one point so he could get books easier 

struggled with addiction to drugs for most of the seventies 

went on a liquid diet late seventies and refused to eat solid food 

he got really skinny bc of it :( 

miss pamela (one of his girlfriends/lovers) once said that jimmy cried on the phone to her over her playboy photoshoot lmaoo

once flied pamela’s pet raccoon in first class 

allegedly had a relationship with lori maddox who was about 15 years old 

laughed as two of his girlfriends were fighting each other 

was kind of constantly nervous about his and the band’s image

has amazing guitar solos and improvisation but damn sometimes they drag on foreverrrr

deadass scared the shit out of david bowie so much that he had his house exorcised and would avoid jimmy at parties 

we love demons 

zoso

he’ll never tell us what zoso means and I'm mad

had two people die in his home. one was a friend who died from a drug overdose, and the other was john bonham when he died from choking on his vomit.  

has been accused for the deaths of john bonham and robert plant’s son karac bc of that stupid “curse” rumor

deserves critiques for several things but doesn't deserve hate for that 

has been through a lot and come out pretty okay

produced his current girlfriend’s, scarlett sabet, spoken poetry vinyl 

check out scarlett’s work bc it’s amazing

would probably always be down for another led zeppelin reunion 

robert plant

robert anthony plant 

born on august 20, 1948

this is the most attractive man ever. do not argue with me. 

nicknamed percy 

wasnt jimmy’s first pick for a singer 

jerry reid suggested robert to jimmy. and when jimmy asked what he looked like jerry said, “like a greek god.”

jimmy thought something was wrong with robert when he first found him bc he was such a good singer and hadn't been signed yet 

after a practice together jimmy knew he had his singer 

he would call robert “the young guy with the powerful voice.”

he thought about leaving the band early on bc he was so nervous about being in it 

convinced john bonham to join the group bc they were the bestest of buddies 

he’s not credited on the first album bc he was still under another contract 

started song writing for the second album by jimmy’s memory 

it didn't take long for him to gain confidence and start owning the stage 

once when he was performing a dove flew in his hands 

there’s an audio of him singing john bonham happy birthday and it makes me so happy 

he would call himself a greek god 

would party with john bonham a lot 

kind of the hippy of the group 

moans moans moans and even louder moans into the microphone 

would wear women’s shirts and looked amazing in them 

nurses do it better 

not to mention his super tight jeans 

we all know his dick is huge and he’s just showing it off 

has the prettiest, fluffiest blonde hair 

and the sweetest smile 

can you tell that i find him attractive yet?

has a fear of earthquakes 

also supposedly had some sort of a relationship to an underage groupie named sable starr (14)

also has a fear of led zeppelin nowadays 

either fear or amnesia 

it’s likely that he’s the reason we’ll never get another led zeppelin reunion 

though a close friend thinks that if the show went to charity robert would probably do it 

robert loved john bonham too much to play in led zeppelin without him

and i respect that a lot 

no matter how much he’s offered for a show he turns it down every time

in 1975 he got in a severe car crash and ended up being in a wheelchair 

still went on to record zeppelin’s album 

once while recording on crutches and started to fall and jimmy apparently zoomed in to save him. robert never saw him move that fast before

his five year old son (karac) died from a sudden stomach illness while he was in america on tour

absolutely crushed him 

was deeply upset that neither jimmy page or john paul jones reached out to him during that time of his life 

john bonham was there for him though 

robert apparently never forgave them for that 

a car he was working on fell on top of him and crushed some of his ribs as well 

late seventies was not a good time for robert plant 

but he got through it all like a champ

hates stairway to heaven with a passion lmao  

one time he paid a radio station a shit ton of money just to make sure they'd never play stairway to heaven again 

almost didn't sing stairway for the 2007 reunion but ended up agreeing to it after all 

he said he breaks out in hives when he has to play that song 

he and jimmy made their own symbols. robert’s is the feather inside the circle 

in 2007 he won beard of the year 

john bonham

john bonham 

born on may 31, 1948

nickname is bonzo

oh boy, there’s a lot of stories about bonzo 

he was known as the nicest and sweetest guy ever 

unless he was drunk 

he drank a lot :/

denied jimmy’s offer to join the group and continued to deny it until robert convinced him 

once flew the starship (led zeppelin’s plane) even though he didn't have a license to 

hated touring so much 

he always missed his family 

so he drank 

he was so damn crazy when drunk that the other members would book rooms floors above where his was so he wouldn't disturb them

tore about his hotel rooms like no other 

he has a son named jason bonham who he loved a lot 

bought him a nice drum kit when he was younger 

jason is just about led zeppelin’s biggest fan next to jimmy page 

one time bonzo broke a girl’s vibrator when drunk

also punched a girl in the face when drunk once bc she waved at him 

partly responsible for the famous mud shark story where a girl was apparently fucked with a dead shark by him and zeppelin’s tour manager 

liked cars a lot 

really really loved his family. cannot stress it enough

was irked that john paul jones got out of playing shows during the christmas holiday and he didn't 

punched robert in the face once too 

him and john paul jones equals the best rhythm section ever 

jimmy would call it magic how well him and bonzo got along 

bonzo could handle anything jimmy threw at him 

he wasn't really a part of it, but he had to go to jail bc peter grant and two other dudes almost killing a man (long story omfg, but apparently the doctors had to put the dude’s eyeball back into his socket)

was there for robert when karac died 

they were really good friends 

there’s an interview with them together where bonzo is laughing at robert about his little farm 

gave good hugs apparently 

played drums like no other could and knew he was good 

but still sometimes got insecure and got upset when someone he looked up to said his drumming wasn't all that special 

his symbol is the three rings and he picked it out of a book like john paul jones did his 

he died in jimmy page’s house (not the crowley house btw)

he had to drink the equivalent of 40 shots of vodka and choked on his vomit in his sleep 

led zeppelin died on the same day 

nobody can replace john bonham 

his son filled in his role for the 2007 reunion show and did an amazing job of it. the whole show is on youtube, go check it out

john paul jones

 john richard baldwin 

born on january 3, 1946

nickname is jonesy 

was also a session guitarist like jimmy 

they had worked together before 

when he found out jimmy was forming a group he called jimmy and was basically given the spot immediately 

not only was the bassist but also the keyboardist 

and could play the recorder 

insanely talented. put some respect on his name 

he talks in italics i swear to god 

i don't have mainly crazy stories about jonesy bc he wasn't about that life 

deadass he would go on stage, perform, walk off stage and go to a whole separate hotel from the other

he would only tell one person where he was at and told them not to call unless for super urgent emergencies 

pissed peter grant off so much lmao 

wasn't really super close to anyone in the band tbh 

but bonzo was probably his greatest friend in the band 

jimmy and robert kind of leave him out in my opinion 

or they use to 

when he found out that jimmy and robert were making their own symbols instead of picking out of a book like he was he said “of course!”  and laughed 

was pretty much left out of the live aid show 

he had to squeeze himself on the stage and wasn't even able to play bass. he had to play the keyboard 

“and thank you to my friends for finally remembering my phone number” -savage as hell john paul jones 

he was one of the two people who found john bonham dead 

it’s sad to think about

is actually quite funny

he has this kind of dry humor?? idk but it’s amazing 10/10 content 

when john paul jones walks into the room interviewers break into a sweat

managed to look like a completely different person every year throughout the seventies or is it just my eyes?

has an Instagram account now go follow it for cute throwback photos lol

that’s all i really have for generic useless information about led zeppelin members for beginners. i hope it was somewhat entertaining. i'll make some more beginners stuff for led zeppelin. i will make y'all stan them lmao. i'm tagging @babygotblueeyes​ bc i know for a fact you want to get into them <3

[fair-dinkum-mechanic]

Second Broken Heart

I met someone incredible in October. I wasn’t looking for it, it just happened. We just got talking. 

We planned to meet up and go bowling. It was sort of as friends but it was also sort of a date, but neither of us expected it to go any further. 

Minute I saw him I thought he was so cute. His eyes just... twinkled and it was so, so beautiful. 

We had such a great time bowling, he was much better than I was. We walked around the arcade for a bit afterward, and had some lunch together at the alley. Then we decided to go and hang out by the water, right near the river where we both lived. We sat on the wharf and we chatted for almost 4 hours about our pasts, our lives. He’d come from a very different place than I had, but there were so many similarities. I think we both felt something starting to grow in us. 

Only that night we messaged again, and he told me how cute I was and how nice my butt was. The conversation got a little suggestive but still innocent and cute at its core. He decided he’d like to see me again the next day, so I invited him over. 

It didn’t take long and I made a move on him, and he smiled so warmly when I did because he’d been waiting for it. He stopped the story he was telling and we just kissed and cuddled for so long. It was amazing, and it felt so right from the start. 

He’d message me in the mornings when we were both working, he’d ask if I wanted to catch up for lunch, or go to the markets with him. 

“Thinking of you <3″ he’d send out of nowhere in the mornings. 

I invited him to a Halloween Fair, and he said he was very keen to go and would ask his friends. One of them was another boy. Someone he was good friends with. A friend with benefits. An American guy who had for some reason come to Australia and got stuck here since covid. This guy had an apartment in Berlin, he is very independent, he is everything I am not. And I mean that. I came to learn he is selfish, he is addictive, he is cruel. He was the only other one of his friends that came that night. We had dinner together, me, his friend, and one of my best friends. The American guy came off as charming and charismatic, and while I was sad there was more chemistry and history between him and the other guy than me, I couldn’t be upset. It hurt that night though, as the two of them split off and did their own thing together, leaving me and my friends lost and aimless. Then they left to go and drink as they said they did every single night. 

I spent a night at his house at his invite, he said he wanted me to, he wanted to spend the night watching Schitt’s Creek with me. We watched Cabin in the Woods, we had a few drinks, I had cooked him dinner at my place. It was just such a perfect night. In the morning we got up and he took me to get breakfast at a little deli near his house and took me back home. 

Before that night he had asked the American guy if he wanted to be his boyfriend, becasue his feelings for me were starting to get very intense. The other guy laughed and said no not really. 

We continued seeing each other, doing things, being cute and making memories. Eventually as he was leaving my place one night I ask if he wanted to come to my work dinner with me. He said of course he would, he said he would really like that. The day came and I asked if we should go back to his place after the dinner or what. He said “the thing is, the other guy is staying here with me for a few days. He lost his palce and he needed somewhere to stay. I’m so sorry. Neither of us have an issue sharing a bed with a third though.” 

This kinda threw me off. I said I needed to protect my heart, and that I wasn’t as close with this other guy as I was with him. Eventually I said yeah you may as well come I’ve been looking forward to this and we may as well do it. 

Before we left we had a talk. He asked me if I wanted our relationship to go further. I said I had very strong feelings for him and yes I would but I’d like to take it slowly. He said he had very strong feelings for me too, but he also had feelings for the other guy and he had to choose. He said after the way we spoke he said “It’s you. I want to choose you.” 

The work dinner was one of the most magical and perfect nights of my life. We laughed and drank with my workmates, one of my good work friends drove us home and me and him held hands in the car the whole way home. We got back to his place but couldn’t go in bc the other guy was there, so we walked up to the park near his house. It was a warm night and we swung on the swings and kissed in the street. He walked me over to my friends house nearby and kissed me goodbye. 

A few days later he came over, and something was wrong. He sat down and said he needed to tell me he had spoken to all the people he needed to speak to and he had actually decided it was best for him to choose the other guy. We spoke and I cried. I told him it sucked but as long as he was happy. He told me how the other guy had said he will pay for his passport to move overseas, that he would take him all around Europe and see his smile and excitement seeing those places (covid was never mentioned which was telling). He didn’t say a word about how the other guy made him feel. It was all about the travel, all about the things he could give him. In fact, as we spoke I found out they had already been official for a day. 

I went off the rails after he left. I wasn’t well, I was absolutely shattered. 4 days it lasted, and I couldn’t function. I couldn’t go to work. It was triggering so much past trauma for me that I thought I had worked on. 

But one night, when my closest friends were with me for comfort, he messaged me. “Hey, do you think I could see you at some point?” 

I asked why, and what was up. He said it had been a rough week. He said him and the other guy weren’t working. He said that all he could think about was me, at any moment. He wanted his rock back. I allowed him to come and say what he had to say and I could see he was exhausted. 

He told me how the other guy had been understanding but seemed to be addicted to sex with him. He pinned him to the bed and asked if he loved him. He’d ask him for drugs all the time, he’d want to always get drunk and party. He said “I don’t like the person I am when I’m with him.” “I was with him for the wrong reasons.” “I spoke to my sister and she stopped me and said when you talk about Marc your face lights up, but when you talk about the other guy there’s nothing.” 

I took him back. We’d take it at my pace, but I did it. We’d cuddle, we’d watch things, and eventually one day when I had driven to his house and we went for a walk at that very same park from my work dinner, I said I thought I was ready. And it happened. He became my boyfriend. We were both over the moon, we were both so happy. 

He took me to the markets, we went shopping for tarot cards, we’d have lunch together. He took me to the central markets and we had lunch in a fancy food court and he made me dinner with the things he got there. We went to the beach, and he even took me with him all the way up to Renmark to meet his friends and see the river. He told some of his family about me, they said invite me over on christmas. He made me so happy. When we were in the car we couldn’t stop holding hands or touching legs. We’d talk so much and it was just so right. Everything lined up so perfectly. 

After we’d started dating the other guy got upset, of course. He turned up to his house unannounced and the first thing he said was “do you want drugs?” and told him “you’ve really fucked me over.” 

He said how shocked he was in his behaviour and that he’d dodged such a massive bullet. He said he’d made the right choice for sure in going with me. 

But eventually the other guy did message again. He’d taken himself out into the outback. Suddenly, when I picked him up one day, he said “i’ve been overthinking again. and I don’t know what I want.” 

We spoke about it for 7 hours. I cried. I could tell what was happening. I had only just got one of his christmas presents. A silver bracelet I got engraved. It had a bowling pin and our star signs on it, with the date we sat and spoke for hours at the wharf. I gave it to him and he did take it. 

Eventually it came to ahead that he would decide to not be in a relationship.  

He said “I need to choose between a person and a lifestyle” the person was me, and I can only assume the lifestyle was the other guy. He said if it was all stripped away and it was just between people it would be me. But he doesn’t like living here. He said “I’ll always love more than one person”. And he couldn’t tell me that he wouldn’t leave me to be with the other guy again. 

He said he needed a few days of space, but he would message me on Christmas to wish me a merry christmas. Christmas day arrived and there wa snothing. I sent a messgae just saying “Merry Christmas” and he opened it with no reply. Same on new year. 5 minutes after midnight I messaged “Happy new year!” he opened it and no reply.  I have been absolutely gutted by it for almost a month now. Every day has been hell. I messaged to ask waht was going on and he did respond. He said he couldn’t cope with hurting me anymore. He said no matter how hard he tried he would hurt me. He was trying to “protect” me from that. I responded, he opened it, and no response. 

I know he is back with the other guy again. And it makes me sick to my stomach. He said he loved me. He said “I want to build a future with you.” he said “I want to go to your dream places with you, I want to protect you, I want to have a life with you.” none of those things exaggerated. Those are exactly what he said to me. 

To give it away for someone who hassles him for drug contacts, who takes him to gamble, who uses him for sex even when he doesn’t feel like it, and who will influence him to drink almost every day. 

I love him, and despite what he has done and the choices he has made I still do. 

But I think he has made one of the biggest mistakes of his life. 

It’s so hard. My heart is so empty. 

[stylesgalaxy]

mastermind; chapter 6

turns out some of you actually enjoy this fic!! i didn't think anyone really liked it so here's chapter 6! ngl i kinda forgot about this bc i was working on something else, but i'm here now :)

***

"You didn't call," Harry says when I stumble home a few hours later. I was trying to be quiet but clearly it didn't work because Harry hears me and quietly slips out of Julia's room.

"I didn't need you," I respond. Which was true, I didn't. Zayn got an Uber and dropped me off here before going home himself.

"Your friend drop you off? He was drunk, Aria, you could have—"

"Relax he called an Uber," I say, taking my shoes off and hanging my jacket on the coat rack. "Zayn's not stupid."

"That was Zayn?" he says, appalled. "Hold on, I knew the name was familiar and he looks familiar... He's not the one who Julia..."

He trails off awkwardly.

"Yeah, he went home with Julia after a party in freshman year," I say rubbing my eyes. I was going to say "fucked" but I thought it was too insensitive considering he's in love with Julia. I sigh heavily when I remember being so hopeful that Julia would like Zayn long enough for me gather the courage to talk to Harry. But the universe was cruel, and I was too late.

Harry nods and I'm left wondering if he ever thinks about that night. Thinks about whether he saw Julia at the party they were both at, or thinks about how another guy went home with his future girlfriend, or thinks about the girl he made out with blindfolded. He obviously doesn't know it's me. But he never gave any indication on whether or not he even remembered kissing me.

Well, of course he wouldn't. We were acquainted through Julia, his girlfriend, he's not allowed to talk about those things. Just like how Julia didn't talk about how good Zayn was in front of Harry.

Harry remains silent so I start walking towards my room.

"I'm sorry," he says just as I pass him. "I shouldn't have interrupted you... o-or talked to you the way I did."

"Good," I deadpan. "You should be."

This makes his softened expression fall, and confusion spread.

"Aria, I was just looking out for you--"

"Harry, are you really going to defend your actions after you apologized for behaving that way? And besides, I don't need you to look out for me."

"Everyone needs someone to look out for them," he says quietly.

"Maybe," I answer, not trying to get deep or philosophical with him right now, "but you embarrassed me in front of Zayn and made me feel like a child."

"I thought he was—!"

"Whatever you thought was wrong," I counter, frustrated. "I'm an adult, I can take care of myself. Me and you, we're friends, Harry. That's all we are. Save this type of reaction for your girlfriend."

His eyebrows pinch and I am mortified by what I say.

"Goodnight," I squeak and all but run to my room, nearly slamming the door.

Could you not have made it anymore obvious, Aria?!

What the fuck was wrong with me?

---

The next day I wake up around noon. Normally I'd spend this day of relaxation watching something with Julia, but since Harry is here, I don't want to. I slip into the bathroom unnoticed and take a shower. I hope that if it's long enough Harry will realize that I'm awake and leave.

I dry off in the bathroom and change into fresh clothes before wrapping a towel around my hair. Upon leaving the bathroom, I find out Harry did not take the hint and he was still here.

He's sitting on the couch with his arm around Julia, fixated on the television in front of him. He's eyes snap to mine when he sees me exit the bathroom and he gets up and gathers his things. Julia watches him pack his things with a sad frown on her face.

"Must you leave so early? We're almost done season six," she says with puppy eyes. Seriously, how does she not get tired of always sitting on the same couch watching the same shows with him?

"Sorry, love, but I have to see my father," he kisses her forehead. He turns around and pins me with his gaze just before I can escape to my room. "Aria? Can you walk me out?"

I want to roll my eyes at him. He's closer to the door! Julia looks between us curiously.

"It's only a few steps, Harry, I'm sure you'll manage to find the door," I say, opening my door.

"Aria, please."

I sigh and look at Julia first. She's watching me questioningly as if to say, what's up with him? I give her a look back that says, I'll explain later.

Only then did I look at Harry's pleading expression and walk over to the door with him. I hand him his jacket and he says quietly, "I just want to make sure everything is okay between us."

The bitter and petty part of me wants to respond with, There is no 'us'. But I shut her up because last night's response kept me up.

"I really am sorry about how I acted," he continues with pleading eyes. "You're right. You're an adult and I shouldn't tell you what to do. Just please forgive me, I don't want you to go back to ignoring me. I promise I won't do it again."

My heart clenches at his words. He really likes being my friend?

"Of course, Harry, it's okay," I say softly. He looks relieved but his smile is still a little tense. To ease the mood, I say, "You're not gonna get rid of me that easily. I'll remain an annoying thorn at your side."

He chuckles.

"Are you sure I'm not the thorn?" he says.

"You are, actually, I was just trying to be nice. But thanks for realizing what you truly are," I chirp. I open the door for him and he steps out waving at me.

I'm almost about to shut it when Julia yells, "Bye, Harry!"

Harry quickly comes back, says goodbye to her too, then leaves.

"So what was that all about?" Julia sits up immediately after I lock the door.

I relay what happened last night at the party to her, deciding to keep out the conversation we had when I arrived.

"So he just wanted to make sure we were cool, and I told him we are."

Julia nods, "That's good."

I go to the kitchen to grab something to eat when she says, "Hey, you know what we should do? We should go shopping!"

---

Since Julia and I are at the mall, I make her do her Christmas shopping. She already knew what to get her mom--a Valentino bag--but I force her to look for something for her father too. It would make him happy that she thought about him. Julia whines and complains, but eventually we settle on a flask set and a fancy Montblanc pen for him. I leave her to look for a gift for Harry while I go to shop for my family.

In the cheaper side of the mall, I shop for my parents and my little brother. I go inside Barnes & Noble and buy a bunch of cute homey things I know my mom likes. My dad loves board games so I pick one up for him along with a puzzle. I get two books for my brother because I wish he read more, but I also sneak in a video game from another shop, because I want him to like his gift. My bags are getting heavy, but I'd really rather not come back another day since the mall will only get busier closer to Christmas, so I look for gifts for my friends too. Niall and Louis are easy, they'll like anything. I get a fancy jewelry box for Julia with fancy scented candles and fancy bath bombs that she likes.

I leave Harry last. This will be the first time I get him a gift from myself and I want to make it special since he bought that leather sketchbook for me but it was hard because I'd already gone over my budget. So, I get him a Gordon Ramsay cookbook, a trivia game, and chocolates. It's not until I go to Starbucks where Julia and I were supposed to meet, that I see a set of six reusable cups with cute sayings like "Live in the Wow" or "Be About Love". This was perfect. Smiling, I purchase it and add it to my bags.

I sit at a table with my bags around me and wait for Julia to show. She arrives, with way less bags because she was only shopping for three people. And her gifts were small but expensive. She joins me at the table and I ask her what she got for Harry.

"Socks," she says, pulling out a pair Christmas socks. I look at her, somewhat annoyed.

"That's it?!"

"And chocolate!" she says quickly, pulling out a Lindt chocolate bar.

"Julia!" I chastise.

"What?"

"He's your boyfriend! You can't get him socks and chocolate!"

"I know," she whines, "but I looked and looked and I didn't know what else to get him!"

I sigh heavily and pin Julia with a glare.

"Let's go," I huff finally, "I'll help you find something for him but you're carrying half my bags."

She grabs my bags with great eager and sets out of Starbucks.

---

"Oh my God, you know what we should do now?" Julia says once we're done shopping. I'm about to roll my eyes because I can't imagine doing anything else except lying down or eating. "We should go to that Italian restaurant! The one I said I'd take you to for getting Harry a gift!"

That grabs my attention.

"Okay but where will we put our bags? We can't take them with us there's too many," I say.

"It's okay, I'll call Liam. He can take them to our place and drop us off, he wouldn't mind," she assures and pulls out her phone, searching for his number. "Hey, Liam? Yeah, yeah everything's okay! I was just wondering if you're busy right now? No? Well it's just that Aria and I have been shopping all day and we have so many bags, but we're really hungry and want to go for dinner, and--" she pauses for a moment. "Thank you so so so much! Okay... yeah... great, see you soon!"

She ends the call and smirks at me.

"I thought he was your father's personal assistant not yours," I comment.

"He is, but he told me that if I ever need anything to not hesitate to call him. He's really nice. I'm gonna tell my father. Hopefully Liam can get a raise."

---

Liam drops us off at the restaurant and then drives away with Julia's key to take our bags home. I watch him driving away and wonder if this is what it's like to be rich. Huh.

My mood is instantly brightened when our server places our food in front of us. Julia whips out her phone to take a Boomerang of our pizzas, I stick my tongue out when the camera reaches me. She puts that on her Instragram story and I guess she was really feeling the love for me because she asks to take a proper photo. She pushes her chair to sit beside me and asks our server to take a photo.

I shrug one shoulder and smile sweetly at the camera, while Julia rests her arm at the back of my chair and leans her head closer to mine.

"Adorable, fucking adorable," Julia says after she takes her phone back, typing away. I get a notification that Julia tagged me in a photo, but ignore it for now. I have more important things to focus on, like my pizza which I take a slice out of before shoving it into my mouth. Julia looks up right then and howls with laughter, snapping another photo.

"Julia, no!" I try to say but my mouth is full.

"You look so funny!"

"Don't post that one, okay?"

She promises she won't and we eat the rest of our dinner laughing and talking about random things.

---

"Hey," I say to Julia when the episode of Friends that we were watching ends.

"Hmm," she replies, looking up from her phone.

"I kinda... I kinda wanna try makeup," I hesitate. I'd seen a lot of girls with perfect makeup on their face and it made me want to give it a go. And today, at the mall I went inside Sephora and wanted to buy everything. Sephora was just a fancier, prettier art store.

"Oh my God!" Julia hollers. "Come, I'll teach you everything."

She drags me into her room and sits me in front of her vanity. I'm a little overwhelmed by all the products she throws at me, but I get the basics: primer, foundation, concealer, setting powder, brows, mascara. She says that the primer and foundation I use are the most important part, and then hands me some good ones to keep.

"You're about my colour," she says, dabbing some on my face to check. "You're a little darker, that's okay you can use bronzer to even it out."

Bronzer, blush, and highlighter: they were good but not always necessary, she says. She applies eyeshadow to my eyelids and then swipes a thin line of eyeliner over it. I curl my own lashes and apply mascara. My eyes instantly stand out so much more.

"Wow, this colour really enhances your eyes," Julia says. "I wouldn't even wear foundation if I was you, you have nice skin. Do your eyes, though, they make you look like a bad bitch."

I smirk and we start experimenting with lipstick, giggling and dabbing some on each other's faces.

"Okay, now I have to show you how to wash it off," Julia says half an hour later.

"What, you mean I can't just use water and soap?" I ask feeling stupid.

"No, silly, not all soap will wash off makeup. You'll be scrubbing at your skin harshly then breaking out." We go to the bathroom where she pulls out her makeup remover, gently wiping the makeup away from my face. "There, all clean."

"Thanks," I smile.

"Here, I'll give you the products I don't use that you can experiment with. I'll give you some brushes too, and I'll show you how to clean them."

Putting on makeup sounds like it's includes a lot of cleaning that I didn't anticipate. I take the items she gives and watch how she washes brushes and sets them upright to dry. I've never had to deal with germs when it came to art supplies, but it makes sense why you have to with makeup supplies.

I call it a night after I put away the makeup. Getting in bed, I start scrolling through my phone. I open my Instragram notifications and see the cute picture Julia posted of us with the caption: My ride or die, love you @aria_collins.

Smiling at my phone, I double tap the picture. I comment, love you too bitch <3 before scrolling through the other comments. Some are from her other friends, that I don't know that well, and one is from her mom. My heart jolts when I see Harry commented on it too.

harrystyles: Cute

It was just one word.

Cute.

But it made butterflies erupt inside me. I shake my head at myself.

He was talking about his girlfriend, stupid.

Nonetheless, I fall asleep with a smile on my face.

---

The sound of my door opening wakes me up. I was never a heavy sleeper like Julia.

"Aria?" Julia whispers in the dark. I hum back in response. I'm awake now, might as well see what's up. "You're awake?" she says hopefully. I check the time and see I've only been asleep for half an hour.

"Yeah, what's up?" I turn fully towards Julia who looks wide awake, she hasn't even changed into her pyjamas yet.

"I really, really want to take a bath but Harry won't stop texting me," she says coming to lay down on my bed beside me.

"So tell him to shut up," I deadpan, letting my eyes shut in fatigue.

"I can't... he's like talking about serious things. And it's stressing me out and we had such a long day, I just want to take a bath and sleep. Can you just talk to him for a bit? It's way past his bedtime, I'm sure he'll fall asleep soon."

I want to ask her why she doesn't think I want to sleep, and why it makes sense to wake me up so I can talk to her boyfriend while she relaxes.

I grab her phone to see what he's even saying. Maybe I can tell her how to respond to end the conversation. But Julia takes this as me giving my consent and kisses my forehead before running out. I roll my eye before blinking to focus on the texts but they don't make sense so I scroll up to about half an hour ago, where he seems to be asking her a lot about her day. I skip through the parts where they talk about shopping and the restaurant we went to until I get to the serious part.

You're not busy are you? he wrote.

no, what's up? Julia responded.

I'm just a bit frustrated.

oh no baby, what's wrong?

So you know how I went to see my father today? It didn't really end well...

what happened?

He has a girlfriend

He wanted me to meet her because apparently they're "serious"

they've only been dating for four months

Not to mention, I'm JUST finding out? Four months later?

oh shit

Sorry, I know I'm just dumping all this on you. I tried to forget about it but it's been a few hours and I'm still kind of mad, to be honest.

Babe?

I curse Julia for leaving him like this. Stumbling out of bed, I hurriedly knock on bathroom door.

"Julia!" I call.

"What?" she responds.

"This is serious stuff!"

"I know, that's why I was so freaked out."

"I can't pretend to be you! That's-thats... wrong."

"Well I can't get out now, I just applied this mask, it needs at least thirty more minutes to set! Fuck."

"Why would you leave him like this! He clearly needs someone to talk to, how can you even think about relaxing and taking a bath?"

"I'm sorry! But I freaked out and panicked so I came to you!"

"Well now he's panicking."

"I'm sorry, Aria, please don't yell at me, I don't know what to do in situations like this. He's never told me anything about his father before!"

I sigh deeply. That makes it worse!

"I'll talk to him, but you have to get out as soon as you can!"

"I will."

I go back to my room and sit on my bed. Harry hasn't sent anymore texts after that last one. I try to come up with something quick to excuse her absence.

hey sorry, aria nearly burnt the kitchen down i had to help her

I send the text with a terrible feeling growing in my chest.

Oh okay, that's ok. I thought you fell asleep.

I shake my head and glare at Julia through the wall for making me do this. I don't want to pretend to be Julia like this to Harry. I know I told Julia a lot of what to say or do in this relationship, but those were things I hoped she'd learn from.

Fuck that, right now Harry needs someone to talk to, and the he thinks the person he turned to abandoned him.

no, i wouldn't fall asleep on you, I continue.

why are you mad that your father has a girlfriend?

I dont know... I guess I'm just mad that he would even consider marrying someone else after my mother

My heart breaks a little for him.

but it's been a few years since your mother died

don't you think your father deserves to move on?

I guess. five years just seemed a little too soon

you can't decide how much time someone else needs to mourn and move on. that's up to them

you're right, but that doesn't mean he should have told me this late

Doesn't he care at all what I think?

he probably knew you wouldn't take it well. maybe that's why he waited until your exams were over

You're making it sound like he cares for me. he doesn't.

he does, harry. he's your father. of course he cares for you.

My father isn't like yours, Julia. He doesn't just call me up out of the blue and shower me with gifts to show his love. The only interaction i've had with him in months was the money he's been depositing in my account.

My heart aches for him. His father doesn't talk to him? I never knew that. Harry is always so positive and keen on keeping everyone happy that I never once thought he might have issues like this.

my father was the same. he didn't talk to me, only sent me money for months.

do you want to know what changed?

what

one day he wanted to have dinner with me and update me on his life, and ask about mine

after that, i visited him regularly even though i didn't really want to

and now we're actually getting somewhere in our relationship

He doesn't respond for a few minutes.

does that situation sound a little familiar?

I send the text hoping to get a text back from him. I dread that I may have overstepped and said too much.

You're right.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to undermine anything you're going through

it's alright, you didn't :)

i just don't want you to look at this negatively. i know you don't like him, or the fact that he's getting married

but you have to try to make the best out of it, right?

When did you get so wise?

I have the smartest girlfriend in the world

I nearly choke on my spit. I'm an awful, awful person. I hate this, I hate doing this.

Before I can type out another response, he says:

Thank you for letting me talk to you. I really needed to hear this

Sorry if I kept you up, love

You should go sleep now :)

it's okay, you didnt :)

text me if you ever need to talk again

I love you.

I stand up. Marching to the bathroom, I'm about to pound on the door when Julia opens it.

"There," I fume and shove her phone at her. "Now you need to get your shit together, and be a better girlfriend," I say. Julia nods, tears welling up in her eyes. "Get some sleep, I'm going back to bed."

*** Please let me know your thoughts!

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[lilytcyip]

December 31st, 2019

1.3 tera v w/ rjin & ggao

1.4 cactus & la foret w/ jng

1.8 talked it out with jng ; tried to understand that if i were happy, what more could you ask for

1.11 cyns bday dinner

1.11 craft beer w/ aleung & lwong

1.13 arisu & standing egg with efeng & aleung ; drove on highway for the first time

1.18 west dineout w/ annie pkp

1.19 glass w/ fifi

2.10 first snow of the year

2.3 cny lunch at home with the fam - tong yuen & poon choi

2.4 mooseknuckles - grateful

2.5 lunar new year

2.16 hangiout with mamayip & sis: beta 5, fixing the parka, meetfresh, miku sushi dindin

2.17 mom leaving for 2 months, wandering earth with the yips

2.19 happy hour cactus w/ fifi

2.20 kokoro lunch & shopping w/ rjin

2.20 so hyang w/ veda & nwu

2.21 black been noodles & tonkatsu lunch & usagi matcha sweets w/ ewong

2.22 green leaf sushi & grounds for coffee w/ vtan

2.25 sushi mura w/ acao ; larry berg planes and kisses for the first time

3.13 mental health talk w/ nwu & tchiu + jamjar

3.15 virtuous pie & nanas green tea w/ rjin

3.16 wine night w/ claw, aleung & fsyal

3.17 tabom & stanely park w/ jerpilla

3.23 pool & rc shopping with jyang

4.3 studying with jyang on campus & langara bye

4.9 studying with jyang at my house

4.18 ramen danbo & official date 

4.20 so hyang & off the grid waffles w/ ayip

4.26 sci ning off w/ aleung, claw, fsyal, lwong & mcheung

4.27 clay llama terra pot class

4.29 so hyang budae jjigae & yifang w/ ewong

4.30 rc shopping & sushi lover with the yips 

5.1 maenam, kits beach & rain or shiine ice cream w/ rjin

5.2 our first little tiff & being called chubby by mlo

5.3 shopping w/ vchan, aleung & fsyal

5.7-5.11 LA trip

5.8 LACMA & melrose & century city field

5.9 warner bros tour

5.10 malibu

5.28-6.1 hokkaido, japan

5.29 a 2-floor hotel with own onsen

5.31 otaru food adventures

6.1 doraemon painting & royce airport

6.2 macau: got scammed by taxi & lost luggage

6.7-6.15 inner mongolia & beijing

6.18 first co op offer 

6.21 fire port party at fifis house

6.29 pottery painting w lwong, aleung, vchan, fsyal

7.5 brunch w/ rjin at jethro’s fine grub, baker & table

7.6 nwu’s birthday dindin at coast, hangout with aleung & nwu at nightingale

7.14 leavenworth cherries

7.17 brunch w/ rjin at OEB

7.19 nightmarket w/ jyang, mlaw, rjin

7.21 beach day w/ aleung, fsyal & lwong; hy’s with fam

7.24 chau veggies w/ acao

7.27 shiok & icy bar w/ ewong

8.3 first day of work at doctors office

8.4 escape room w/ vchan, fsyal & jyang; bowling & anh and chi

8.17 dindin w/ fsyal, aleung & tlim; double date walks at olympic village with ancas

8.18 - 8.19 kelowna

8.18 polar grove & penticton lazy river, mission hill

8.19 kayaking, quail’s gate

8.24 lit night at fifis house with the girls and boys

8.25 aleung’s bday harrison trip

8.27 work shopping & nuba w/ fsyal

8.28 sleepover w/ rjin

8.29 brunch w/ aleung, moii cafe chill with fsyal too

9.3 first day of co op work

9.7 grave of the fireflies & wildtale cuddles

9.14 eric chou meet & greet

9.19 amandarachlee neg comment and posted my encouragement on her story

10.5 maiko parfait & shopping w/ jyang, earls with the amigos

10.18 gmen & oncecake: melody, rillakuma, card & collage

10.24 dark table w/ rjin

11.7 moii after work 

12.15 baking custard souffle pancakes w/ ewong

12.18 office christmas party & bbt w/ slim

12.19 glow

12.21 fifi’s christmas party

12.22 christmas market w/ rjin: churros & chimney cake

12.23 psyc team secret santa & mahjong

12.25 christmas dindin at market by jean-georges

12.26 birthday dindin at zeferelli

12.27 ring & birthday dinner at brix and mortar w/ jyang

12.28 skated alone, worked out, baked & dindin at botanist

looking back at it now, i definitely went out a lot more compared to previous years LOL i had some struggles in january, and at multiple points in my life i blamed myself for being ungrateful, for seeking more when i already had so much in life compared to other people. my friends were there for me and i wouldnt have been able to live through it without them. then again, during reading break in february, i got myself into the same hot mess and i was sad about it for a week and i blamed myself for getting so attached so quickly. because of these experiences, my expectations were v low and i didnt really expect anything when i talked to jyang, what they say really is true, you get it the moment you stop seeking for it. it comes and find you (: the 3 most important that happened this year is burbur, co op job & me getting more comfortable around doggs; this is a big deal !! i actually like cuddling dogs and i feel less scared of them as long as i have some time to get used to them!! im proud of myself for making progress with my phobia! after i started my co op job, bc i didnt have a lot to do, i felt like i wasnt actively contributing to my workplace and that i was very useless. i still feel the same way now, but i think i am slowly getting used to it. thankfully, my coworkers are VERY nice and i enjoy working around them. while i did not get a different position for january, im still grateful that i got an extended placement. nonetheless, meeting with the different PIs and sumeet pointed me in the right direction of looking for nserc / volunteering opportunities when i do go back to school. AND ofc burbur! im grateful that we were able to be there for each other for the past 8 months, both the ups and downs and i am so so thankful that we’re understanding and patient with each other, as we help each other learn along the way and help each other become a better version of ourselves. this companionship is better than i have asked for and i always remind myself to focus on the important things rather than the minor inconveniences. this year, in terms of fitness goals, ive been doing really well before asia. but ever since i came back, it all went downhill and i gained back all the weight that i lost this year year LOL so in 2020, one of my biggest goal is to eat healthy again, and workout more consistently. getting a job in sept kinda interfered with my progress too, bc i was so tired after work, even when i wasnt doing anything and i stressed eat bc i felt terrible. a lot of diff factors made me feel super stressed, and the fact that i wasnt eating clean / exercising reguarly made me feel worse about the whole situation ): so in 2020, maintaining a healthy lifestyle will be one of my top priorities and gifting myself a healthy body is one of greatest things i can do for myself. this also contributed to the lack of journalling near the end of the year, it felt like bc i wasnt doing the things i was “supposed to do”, i just felt so bad whenever i couldnt tick off that particular habit whenever i fill in my trackers. but tonight, i watched this video and it talked about habits should be for awareness, not for self-hate or self-loathing. this is something that i need to keep in mind. ever since april really, the issue of leaving my house and meeting up with my friends have always stressed me in fear of dealing with passive aggressiveness with my mom lool everytime i get inviited to plans, i just get anxiety about having to tell her about it LOL and even when im out, having a msg/ call for her freaks me out in fear that she will get mad at me for being home late and etc and fifi really woke me up with her words, i should just care less LOL i need to stop caring so much about what she thinks, bc at the end of the day, this IS my life and if i never make any changes, i will never be able to grow and be independent. i think this pree much sums up all my events and emotions in 2019, the last year of the 2010s. in the next decade, a lot of things will happen as i will be in my 20s - 30s, where new opportunities will arise, and graduate uni, do my masters, find a job, maybe even marry and move out LOL the 2020s will definitely be an impt decade, but just for next year i want to:

1. understand that i am old enough to make choices, and in general, care less about what she thinks

2. at the same time, i want to appreciate and be grateful for what my mom, dad and annie have done for me; a lot of the times, i feel like i take them for granted just bc i know they will always be there for me and this is not how you should treat your biggest supporters

3. trust that everything will workout in the end, while you may not be able to envision what you career / life would be like when youre 30, you can definitely take small steps and move towards your goal

4. be mindful of what i eat and exercise regularly (4x hiit & cardio a week) ; treats & sweets in moderation; use those habit trackers for awareness, not for self-loathing / self-hate

5. create art regularly, read more and at least do 5 duolingos every week! 

every year, time just seems to go by faster and faster and i feel scared at times. as i type this, theres only 8 minutes left of this decade LOL so in 2020, continue to live in the moment, be present, cherish those that are around you, and have faith that everything will come together, one piece at a time. at the same time, always rmb that you can make small changes to be a better version of yourself, whenever & however you want and this is the 1 thing that other people can’t stop you from doing! 

[love-killed-the-superstar]

femslash february strikes again and i finally updated that one cornirma fic that ive been meaning to get back to for literally an entire year

Title: The Frying Pan Conversation Pairing: Cornelia/Irma Chapter: 2 - funny how we run around Summary: “You're awake...” “Great detective work, Sherlock, want a medal?” “It's too early in the morning for you to be sassing me,” grumbled Cornelia, half-heartedly throwing her phone onto the blankets and scooting closer to Irma. “Good thing you're way too cute for me to be sassing you with intent to kill,” Irma teased, pulling her in closer for a hug. She was overly warm from sleep and Cornelia happily melted into it. Irma's boobs made for an excellent pillow. (Cornelia and Irma spend Christmas with the Hales.)

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13743063/chapters/42144206

Cornelia loved watching Irma sleep. While she usually ran her mouth during the day, when she slept she had some sort of serenity around her, a tranquillity one wouldn't expect from someone who spent half the night tossing and turning, hogging the blankets and drooling all over her pillow. Yet, when morning came and Cornelia returned to wakefulness, Irma was at peace with herself in the land of dreams, hair framing her face like a halo. It took all restraint not to kiss her, but Cornelia had never been a fan of kissing before one had brushed their teeth.

Instead, she continued to watch. It was quiet and dim, the early morning sun casting strange light and shadows throughout the main room where they were set up. Without her family milling around, it felt peaceful. She wondered if this was how it would be all the time, if she and Irma moved in together some day. Sure, it wouldn't be some luxury cabin, but the world would be quiet like this. There would be no eyes on her. The whole room would be theirs to lie in silence and watch each other and feel cosy and secure. While Cornelia did want lavish things for herself someday, when she was older and things like throw pillows and vases mattered greatly in the grand scheme of things, it amazed her how easily she would sacrifice that just to be able to wake up next to Irma each morning and take on the day, regardless of whether they were in a plush king-sized bed or squashed together on a pull-out.

Geez. She really was picturing the rest of her life with Irma, like the hopeless romantic she was.

She rolled over to reach for her phone in the semi-dark. Too early to start messaging the group chat, but she hedged her bets with someone who did have a tendency to be up at this hour.

Will, you awake?

Not three minutes later, she received a reply.

ofc?? no rest for an athlete, corny. how did telling the parents go?

It didn't. Turns out I'm a bit of a coward.

nah it's tough. i only told my mom about being genderfluid a month ago, and i had no idea if she'd even CARE about it

Well, she cares about YOU. And from what you've told me, she's taken it well?

The speech bubble indicating a reply stayed for a while, and Cornelia repositioned herself so that she could watch Irma doze while waiting on Will to get back to her. After a few minutes, her phone finally pinged, and she hastily lowered the volume as Irma stirred slightly.

yeah, turns out dean being our teacher way back in the day finally paid off bc sheffield has diversity training or smth. he sat down w me and my mom and talked over all this stuff she was confused about. and she still doesn't totally get it, but she said she just wants me to be happy. guess that's all i really needed. stuff like if she comes to pride and w/e doesn't matter to me tbh, just knowing she's there for me is enough

Cornelia chewed her lip wistfully. If only it worked out that simply for everybody...

That's great. Really, I'm so happy it all worked out for you. I'm just worried about my parents, I guess. They're not bad people, but sometimes they can be so backwards with things. Really, I just want them to accept that this is a part of me so I can stop lying about a college guy just to keep them from overanalysing the way I am around Irma.

hey i get it! you're both just so darn cute together!

Indeed we are.

They shared some quick, casual conversation (Will, as usual, had some funny story to tell her about life as Taranee's roommate, and Cornelia caught them up on the bullshit that was her and Irma's road trip to the cabin) before Will had to leave to start their morning swim practice.

“Psst. Blondie.”

Cornelia dropped her phone in surprise, catching sight of rich green eyes watching her intently.

“You're awake...”

“Great detective work, Sherlock, want a medal?”

“It's too early in the morning for you to be sassing me,” grumbled Cornelia, half-heartedly throwing her phone onto the blankets and scooting closer to Irma.

“Good thing you're way too cute for me to be sassing you with intent to kill,” Irma teased, pulling her in closer for a hug. She was overly warm from sleep and Cornelia happily melted into it. Irma's boobs made for an excellent pillow.

“You're comfy,” she mumbled.

“Yup, cushy tits run in the family,” Irma remarked, relishing in the way Cornelia shuddered with an implosion of laughter. “You know this is the first time in months we've woken up together?”

“Feels like it too,” Cornelia sighed. “I've missed this. You should really come visit me more often, you know.”

“Oh yeah? I visited you twice last term. It's your turn to visit me just as soon as daddy dearest hands over your fucking prius.”

“Well, no offence, but your college campus is like a 30 minute drive away from Heatherfield,” pointed out Cornelia. “I'd sooner you visit me than risk bumping into Uriah of all people at a house party.”

Irma scoffed. “Thanks a lot! It may not be ivy-league or State U or anything, but there's still a ton of stuff to do! Besides, pretty sure Uriah's at Sheffield Community College, Anna works with his mom.” She paused. “Though, I did run into our dear old chum Nigel at a Halloween party this year.”

“Oh? And how did that go down?”

“How do you think? He followed me around half the night asking about Tara until I finally snapped and was like, 'you missed the boat, honey, our girl is gay as the day is long'. Haven't seen him since. Reckon he dropped out when he heard how swimmingly Taranee's life is going without him.”

“I doubt he flunked out because of a girl he was dumped by five years ago,” Cornelia deadpanned.

“Uh, hello? Our girl is a catch. He's lucky to have even walked the Earth in the same lifetime as her.”

“A bit dramatic, but I get the sentiment.”

Cornelia fell quiet, listening intently to Irma's heartbeat, her breathing.

“D'you think today's gonna be the day?” Irma asked softly.

Cornelia let out a noise, somewhere between laughter and a sigh.

“How do you always know what I'm thinking?”

“Because you have the antithesis of a poker face, darlin'. I've been reading you like a book since I was thirteen.”

She tangled her fingers up in Cornelia's hair, gently combing through, careful to avoid knots.

“I don't know if it'll be today,” sighed Cornelia. “Does it make me a hypocrite? I was so certain I wanted to do it this time.”

“Look. You need to stop putting this pressure on yourself to do everything exactly how you imagined,” Irma said firmly. “You don't have to tell them I'm your girlfriend. You don't even have to tell them you're pan if you aren't ready for it. We can call this off, you can spend the rest of Christmas break not having to worry about their reactions, and we can make out and cuddle and all that good stuff the second we set foot in my house. Would that make you feel better?”

“No?” Cornelia reached up to pull Irma into a proper hug. “I want them to know how happy you make me. I want them to know that I'm happy being myself. But the part where I actually tell them? Opening up like that, it... it's a very emotional process.”

“I know. I know it is. But I promise you, once it's out in the open... never mind their reaction, you will feel worlds better with it off your chest.”

“Ugh, why does my girlfriend have to be so wise?” Cornelia wondered aloud. Irma formed a fist and lightly knocked her on the head.

“If I'm going to be a teacher some day, I gotta be wise. I'm meant to be some sort of inspiring prophet, if your dad's stirring speech at dinner last night was anything to go by.”

“He's a passionate guy,” Cornelia shrugged.

“Sounds like someone else I know.”

A sudden creak from down the hall disrupted them, and they sprung apart, Cornelia sitting upright and reaching for her phone while Irma pretended to go back to sleep. A moment later, Harold's face poked around the door.

“Morning, darling!” he uttered in a stage-whisper, before stepping into the room clad in his robe and slippers. “Does Irma take coffee? I was thinking of brewing a pot to wake your mother up.”

“Only with six million sugars in,” Cornelia said, rolling her eyes fondly. “Don't worry, I'll take over. I know how to make it so she doesn't spit it out.”

Harold laughed, and moved over to start on breakfast as Cornelia set up the coffee maker.

“You two are as thick as thieves.”

Cornelia's hand froze.

“...Well, we're still good friends, but...”

“I drifted apart from my school friends when I went away to college, you know,” Harold mused. “I regret it now. The rift grew so big, and by the time I saw them again they were married, had families... and although we could still talk with ease about these kinds of things, the bond we shared at school – the books we liked to read, the movies we saw together, the pranks we would play on our teachers – all of that was gone. It was something we could look back upon and laugh at, but it's not the same.”

“I didn't know that.”

Harold offered her a kind smile, and reached over to crack some eggs into a bowl, dusting the mixture with pepper.

“Well, I think it's important to keep in touch with those you love. I was actually quite worried when I heard that you were going to your college alone. I know how close you are to the girls you met at Sheffield. I'm... glad that you were able to keep a close bond with them despite the distance.”

Oh, if only he knew how close.

Cornelia set out some cups on the side, hoping her face wasn't burning. If she really was as easy to read as Irma said...

“Well, they're my friends. They're important to me.” She glanced over at him. “Dad, I'm... I'm really happy with my life right now. With the person I am, and the person I'm with.”

Harold stopped whisking, and moved over to pull Cornelia into a tight hug.

“I'm so glad to hear that, darling. I really am.”

They worked in a pleasant silence after that, and when Irma next rolled over, Cornelia was nudging her, cup of overly sweetened coffee in her hand.

“Rise and shine.”

Harold was whistling away as Irma took her first sip, his back to them as he began tossing some bacon and eggs in the pan.

“Mmm. You made it just how I like it.”

“Well, you're picky. If my dad made it you'd choke it down and feel awful the rest of the day,” Cornelia teased. Irma stuck her tongue out.

“Jerk.” After another sip, she added coyly, “I heard the conversation between you two. It was sweet. Are you thinking today might be the day after all?”

“Maybe,” Cornelia said, a flame of confidence ignited in her heart. “He really wants me to be happy, so... maybe when I tell him, he'll understand.”

“Look, Harold Hale might not be leading a revolution, but he's always seemed like a chill guy to me,” Irma said quietly. “If you keep dropping hints, he might figure the rest out on his own.”

“Maybe.”

Cornelia glanced back at her father, still blissfully unaware of their conversation, and she leaned down to press a kiss to Irma's forehead.

“Now, drink up. We have a big day ahead of us.”

…

Breakfast was uneventful, with Lillian dominating the conversation with talk of some dream inspired by a zombie TV show she'd been binge-watching over Christmas break. Irma munched on French toast and bacon and watched in amusement as Harold became disgustingly sweet with Elizabeth, pressing kisses to her head whenever he went to refill drinks, even reaching down to pinch her behind when he was sure his daughters and his oldest's girlfriend weren't looking. Elizabeth swatted his hand away, pretending to be mortified at his brazen display in front of Irma, but the rouge on her cheeks and the affectionate eyeroll told another story. All the while, Cornelia quietly ate and drank, keeping a straight face while prodding Irma's foot playfully with her own under the table.

Oh, Irma could get used to mornings like these.

They took turns showering and dressing, and did the usual routine of wrestling for more mirror space as they brushed their teeth and put on make-up.

“So what's the plan for today?” Irma asked, rubbing some kind of moisturiser into her cheeks. Cornelia leaned in closer and inhaled with a happy sigh. Mango. Irma took the opportunity to turn and press a kiss to the tip of her nose, and Cornelia pulled away with a grin.

“Oh, well now we're all together, today will definitely be a decorating day. I mean, it's Christmas eve tomorrow, so it'd be a little sad if we didn't have the decorations ready by then,” she explained with a shrug, uncapping her mascara beginning to apply it to her upper lashes. “It really shouldn't take too long though. We'll have some time to get away, don't worry. And I think tonight my parents reserved dinner for us at a restaurant in town. I have to warn you, the waiter we had last time was super obnoxious...”

Irma stared at her reflection in the mirror, zoning out of Cornelia's anecdote about the wait staff at said restaurant, before glancing over at her girlfriend. In their teen years, she'd always envied how immaculate Cornelia's appearance was. She'd always seemed flawless somehow, even though Irma knew better and would never ever admit that much. Then, those feelings started to mix with something else, and attraction, jealousy and self-consciousness melted into an ugly soup of insecurity in her psyche. Even now, when she knew better than anyone that Cornelia was smitten with her, doubt crept in, especially in situations like these when they had to stand beside one another and pretend like they belonged in the same league.

“You're beautiful,” she sighed, interrupting Cornelia's spontaneous yelp review. Cornelia's hand jerked at the suddenness of Irma's statement and she hurriedly reached to blot away a clump of mascara stuck to the end of her eyelashes.

“Oh. Well, I do my best, and when it comes to make-up practice always makes perfect, you know.”

“I'm not talking about make-up, though yeah, you should consider dropping out of college and becoming a beauty guru on youtube instead.”

“Well, I think you're gorgeous too,” Cornelia replied with a smile, moving onto her lips. First a layer of balm to soften them, a waiting period of three minutes, and then the application of gloss or lipstick. It was her routine every time, and the waiting drove Irma mad in the mornings they'd spent together over the years. Cornelia's lip balm always smelled so damn good that fighting the temptation to kiss it clean off was a rare torture.

“Have you seen me?” muttered Irma, frowning at her reflection. “Eyebags for days. Messy brows. My lips are chapped to fuck and my skin has been kind of red lately...”

“Every time I see you I want to kiss you all over,” Cornelia said in the kind of factual tone that had Irma raising an eyebrow in disbelief. Still, she didn't protest as Cornelia wound her arms around her, and Irma caught a whiff of coconut lip balm. God damn it, she wanted Corny-kisses so bad. “You still get insecure, huh?”

“Hard not to when my girlfriend could pass for a fucking supermodel.”

“While I'm flattered that you hold me in such high regard, you're a far cry from the disaster you're making yourself out to be,” Cornelia laughed. “Besides, if you're really worrying about stuff, just talk to me, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” Irma muttered. Cornelia rifled through her make-up bag for a few moments, before bringing out a small bottle.

“Come here, dope. Let me help you.”

“Why pay big bucks for a beautician when you can get one for free in the form of a generous girlfriend?” Irma deadpanned, but a smile tugged at the corner of her lips. Cornelia grinned back and started to apply the liquid to her cheeks and brow with some kind of blender sponge thing shaped like an egg.

“The trick to combating redness and dark circles is to have a good, strong base that neutralises any discolouration in your skin. In your case, green tones kind of cancel out reds, and yellows are good against dark circles, so it just leaves your skin looking healthier, see?”

She switched over quickly to one with a yellower hue, and Irma hummed in agreement, staying put as Cornelia began tending to her eyebags.

“I think I get where you're coming from. Hay Lin calls me up all the time to gush about colour theory, the importance of colour wheels is stuck in my brain for life.”

“Oh, you and Hay Lin call each other all the time? More than me?” Cornelia teased. She put down the sponge and reached back over to her make-up bag, retrieved something that Irma could only describe as the world's tiniest broom, and began to tame Irma's unruly eyebrows. “Don't tell me the two of you are having a sordid affair behind my back.”

“Our torrid love affair is about as real as yours with mystery botanist man,” Irma responded. Without breaking eye contact with Cornelia, she reached over for her own chapstick and began to apply it. Cornelia's tongue poked out slightly in concentration as she smoothed down Irma's brows.

“It's bad enough my parents keep going on about him, don't you start.”

“Well, he is my alter-ego,” Irma pointed out. “Seems a little rude to silence my opinions on him.”

“I hate when you make a good point.”

Cornelia leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Irma's brow, breathing in the smell of her mango moisturiser one more time and sighing deeply. Irma, in a similar moment of pure, unfiltered lesbianism, caught the scent of Cornelia's lip balm and damn went out of her mind. She tilted Cornelia's head down and what transpired for the next few minutes were a combination of kisses, hugs, and several attempts to escape Irma's python-like grip.

“It's lipstick time,” Cornelia complained, a playful glint in her eye as she finally pried Irma's arms off of her waist. “My lips will dry out.”

“Honey, we're both balmed up, if anything, now we have a double coating. You'll be fine.”

“Still, the sooner my make-up is done, the sooner we can get decorating out of the way, and the sooner we can chill out watching crappy holiday movies.”

“The temptation to stay in this bathroom where no one's watching and we can keep kissing forever, though...”

“Aren't we saving 'kissing forever' for the week at your place?” Cornelia asked innocently, perfectly pencilled eyebrows raised.

“No, that's 'sex forever', silly,” Irma said cheerfully, clapping her on the back.

She glanced back at her reflection. While the foundation and tiny grooming hadn't done much besides tidying her reflection up some, her eyes twinkled with something she could only describe as 'the Cornelia effect', and she found her appearance didn't really bug her so much by this point. As they stood side by side, Irma came to the realisation that she and Cornelia really did fit together, but more like a pair of odd socks that compliment each other in all their contrasting glory.

Maybe someone else would call that love.

…

Christmas with the Hales was turning out to be pretty fun.

Irma and Lillian fought bitterly over control of the spotify playlist that morning, while Elizabeth and Cornelia decorated the tree and Harold cheerfully filmed the entire ordeal. Lillian was stubbornly obsessed with the classics, while Irma kept switching them out for lesser appreciated cover versions, partly because rooting for the underdogs was how she rolled, and partly because she got immense glee out of pissing Lillian off (and for that, Cornelia saluted her for her heroism). When Karmilla's edition of 'All I Want For Christmas' came on instead of Mariah Carey, Lillian threatened to throw Irma's phone out of the window, which had Elizabeth swooping in and putting an end to their temporary rivalry.

They called a truce when the parents set out to buy icing and other edible decorations for the Christmas cookies, leaving the girls to prep them for baking. Lillian greased the baking tray while Cornelia mixed eggs and flour and sugar and cinnamon together in a big red bowl. Irma, meanwhile, sat herself on the island and, in compromise with Lillian, put on a playlist of nineties nostalgia, singing along to Re-feel-it and pretending to drum with a pair of wooden spoons against the countertop.

“Funnyyyyy, how we run around,” she belted. “And see what we got, we don't even know what it is we found...”

“And honey, take a look around,” Cornelia chimed in, using the whisk as a microphone. She spun on her heels, her eyes meeting Irma's as she lifted the whisk up to her lips. “By the time we get there we won't even know where it is we're bound!”

The two of them burst out laughing, and Lillian rolled her eyes. “Dorks.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Cornelia sighed dramatically, smirking at Irma before turning back to the mixing bowl and continuing to whisk the mixture. “I forgot we were in your divine presence, Lillian. I hope you can forgive us for entering the realm of uncool nostalgia for two seconds.”

Irma snorted.

“You know, she always gets more sarcastic when you're around, Irma,” Lillian accused.

“Yeah, I rub off on her. I'm a baaaad influence.”

“Is that any way to talk to our renowned guest?” Cornelia chastised. “What would Dad say?”

“He'd probably tell you not to sing into the whisk. You know how many germs you could be putting into the cookies by breathing on the mixture? You've built up an immunity living among students, but have some consideration for those of us who haven't stepped foot in a sweaty student union hall.”

“You're actually mad,” Irma cackled. “What kind of diseases could Cornelia have besides a bad case of the cooties? Unless... Corny, please don't tell me your parents are anti-vaxxers, or I might have to end this friendship for good.”

“Hell no, they're fine. Since when did you become such a germophobe, Lillian?” Cornelia teased.

“I play zombie games,” Lillian responded sagely. “I know how infection spreads.”

“They really don't paint as accurate a picture as you've been led to believe.”

As the mixture began to thicken into a dough, Lillian joined Irma on sitting on the island counter.

“So what's college like?”

“Classes are boring, my roommate sucks, and I'm drowning in student loans. But the parties are fun, and the people are cool when they aren't being pretentious tools.”

Lillian hummed.

“I can't wait until I go to college. Community's one of my favourite shows.”

“Heh, well, Community is an exaggeration for the sake of comedy, but...”

“Cornelia, what's your college like?”

“You saw it when you and Mom and Dad helped me move in,” Cornelia pointed out, distracted as she began to knead the dough.

“Yeah, but it's not the same! Your dorm is nice, sure, but what about the classes? The parties? The boys?”

“Hmm, I don't know about that. Boys aren't my area of expertise.”

“Well that's gay.”

Irma raised her eyebrows.

“Using 'gay' as an insult? Very 2004 of you.”

Lillian rolled her eyes. “Sorry. So you don't have a boyfriend?”

“Nope,” Irma said shortly.

Cornelia began to knead a little harder.

“I bet you know stuff about Cornelia's boyfriend though,” Lillian said to Irma, arms folded. “Why doesn't she talk about him? Is he secretly ugly?”

Irma snorted.

“Ha. I know a thing or two, but he's actually... probably the most handsome person I've ever known. Aside from your sister!” She playfully punched Lillian on the arm, who looked unimpressed by the statement. Cornelia made a strangled sound.

“Lillian, pass me the cookie cutters, please,” she choked.

Lillian raised her eyebrows and hopped off the counter top, retrieving ones shaped like pine trees and angels and bells, handing them to Cornelia.

“Here they are, weirdo. Anyway, you can't blame me for being curious! We had to pry it out of you that you were seeing anyone at all, and you're always so twitchy when we bring him up. Irma, is he a junkie or a biker or something?”

“Nope, just a loser who lies around watching cartoons all day,” Irma responded with a lazy grin.

“So you have a thing in common.”

“Lillian!” Cornelia admonished, slamming a cookie cutter into the dough with enough force to make the other shapes jump. “Also, Irma, I don't appreciate you calling my partner a loser.”

Lillian pulled a face.

“Partner? What are you, old timers?”

“Cowboys,” Irma chimed in.

“Oh, stop teasing me,” Cornelia huffed. “I'm just trying to be more inclusive. The world could do with more of that, you know.”

Lillian shrugged. “Whatever. So you're liberal now?”

“I reckon I've always been, yes.”

“And you, Irma?”

“Socialist, through and through.”

“Of course you are.”

“Just wait until college, Lillian,” Irma chided with a smile, as Cornelia began setting out the Christmas cookies on the tray. “There's a whole wide world out there.”

…

The Italian restaurant Harold took them to that night was fucking fancy, to say the least. The kind of fancy where there were lemon-scented wipes in little packets on every table and complimentary garlic dough balls and everyone was in suits and dresses. The Hales looked like they fit right in, and Irma was some vagrant they'd picked up off of the streets and were treating to dinner in a commendable act of charity.

“I don't even know what half the stuff on this menu is,” Irma hissed to Cornelia as they took their seats.

“It's good food,” Cornelia promised. “They just use posh names to scare people into thinking its worth the money they're paying. Come on, you watch enough Hell's Kitchen to know what filet mignon is.”

Irma ended up ordering something that she was pretty sure was some kind of beef thing, and Cornelia ordered the one pasta dish on the menu that used aubergines instead of pancetta. The wine was decent at least, and Irma found it easier to sneak glances at Cornelia's cleavage in the scoop neck dress she was wearing with the large flower centrepiece obscuring them from her parents. Lillian, while looking the part in a simple white turtle neck dress, was very obviously playing on her phone under the table.

The sweet onion soup starters arrived swiftly, and Irma was dragged back into a light grilling about her teaching degree from Harold, while Elizabeth began to catch Cornelia up with the latest family drama.

“Why, I just think it's so inspiring that you're choosing to act as a beacon for young people, and pave their futures-”

“-And your uncle, of course, is still coming around asking for money, as if your grandparents don't have enough to worry about-”

“-And you know, teaching qualifications open up the whole world to you! You could teach in international schools, or you could teach English in schools where it's a secondary language-”

“-It's not like their health is getting any better, you know! I keep telling him it's time to stand on his own two feet, he's certainly old enough-”

The moment that their waiter came to take the dishes away, Irma hurriedly excused herself.

In the bathroom (one of those spotless white ones with tiny shell-shaped soaps and embossed toilet paper because of course, rich people) Irma took a few moments to collect herself, staring at her reflection in dismay. She'd done her best to look presentable, but she still stuck out like a sore thumb in this kind of environment. Her dress was a little tight since the last time she'd worn it was for graduation, and her choker was crooked. Her bun was already starting to look lopsided, the redness of her cheeks was starting to show through the base Cornelia had applied that morning...

“Why am I not as perfect as the folks out there?” she muttered to herself, eyes narrowing as she glared at her reflection. She reached for one of the shell-shaped hand soaps and began to pick it with the edge of her fingernail. Absently, the faucet turned and water began to gush out, thrumming to the beat of her frustration.

After a few minutes of self-loathing and contemplation, she heard the sound of the door open behind her, and saw a flash of Irish green fabric, before Cornelia came up behind her, a vision of concern. She startled as the small army of water gushing from the faucet turned on her, almost letting out a hiss of steam, before Irma quickly called it off, allowing it to taper down the drain and out of sight.

“Irma, are you okay? My parents thought I should check on you in case the wine didn't agree with you, but...”

“Yeah, it isn't the wine,” Irma sighed. “It's this whole place. I can't fucking believe your dad called this place rustic on the way here.”

“He doesn't know the meaning of the word,” Cornelia agreed with a giggle. She wrapped her arms around Irma, leaning down to rest her chin on her shoulder. “You look amazing tonight.”

“Really?” Irma sighed. “I don't feel it. Or is this a classic 'lying to your girlfriend's face so she doesn't start crying in a stupidly fancy bathroom' tactic?”

“Well, it wouldn't be a great start to the meal.” Cornelia pressed a kiss to her jaw. “But I'm serious. You look great.”

“I'm practically bursting out of this dress. My tits are fighting for freedom. And my hair is coming undone and my stupid face is getting stupid red!”

“Of course it is, you've been drinking,” Cornelia said, rolling her eyes fondly. “And your face is the furthest thing from stupid, so don't even start.”

“I'm past the point of starting, Corny, I'm waist-fucking-deep in it. Look at this damn soap.” She gestured aggressively towards a shrivelled pebble in the basin. “That was shaped like a fucking seashell when I came in here and I picked and picked at it and now it looks like, I don't know, a really tiny golf ball?”

“Wow. Okay, let's take a step back from the soap.” Cornelia spun her around and rested her hands on her shoulders. “Irma, you look wonderful tonight. Seriously, you do, and I hate that going to this stupid dinner has made you so worked up.”

“It's not just the dinner.” Irma frowned up at her so-tall-it-was-unfair girlfriend. “Look at us. I mean, really look. We're like chalk and cheese, except, you're too pretty to be chalk. We're like – I don't know! An oil painting and cheese! I don't belong here eating food so fancy I can't pronounce it with wine I'm too weak to drink and in a dress that's too tiny for my damn good. You might fit into this magazine-spread life where everything is minimalist and perfect and velvet but I just don't. I saw it in the mirror this morning and I saw it in the mirror again just now. Are you honestly okay with that?”

“Why are you asking me this?” Cornelia asked, the smile gone from her face. “I love you. I love having you in my life. Sure, I like the nice material stuff sometimes, but if you think for one second that I'd put that stuff before you – before us – then the wine has definitely gone to your head.”

Irma huffed. After a beat, she muttered, “Rich people wine is ridiculous.”

“Agreed. Now, listen to me. We're too deep into this relationship to be hitting insecurities over stuff like this, got it? You know I come from money. You wanted to come on this trip with me. Unfortunately, that means seeing the way my family lives up close and personal. I just want you to remember that doesn't define me, or how I feel about you. I want you here. Okay?”

“I hate when you're being reasonable,” Irma groaned. She hugged Cornelia tight.

“Oof. Heh, don't tell me you're drunk already, we have the rest of a dinner to get through.”

“Are you gonna tell your parents tonight?” Irma mumbled into Cornelia's waist.

Cornelia hummed uncertainly. “Maybe. I don't know.”

“Well, remember I still love you. If you don't wanna come out here in this stupid fancy restaurant, no pressure. We'll make it happen some other time.”

“Hey, no need to comfort me, you're the one feeling insecure,” Cornelia teased. Irma lifted her head up to protest, and was met with Cornelia's lips pressing against her forehead.

“Ugh, you're too cute,” whined Irma. “If I weren't wearing heels I would go on my tiptoes and kiss you. And if you weren't wearing heels, we might actually be fucking level for once.”

“Thanks for clarifying that,” Cornelia quipped. “Not to worry, I can accommodate you.”

She leaned down and cupped Irma's cheeks, pulling her into a kiss.

The sound of the bathroom door abruptly shutting ended the sickeningly sweet moment, and they jolted apart. Lillian stood there, wide-eyed.

“Uhhh. Mom told me to come get you two, the main courses are out...” She blinked a few times. “Are you guys... lesbians?”

“Lillian,” Cornelia started, voice strained.

“I'm a lesbian,” Irma said with a shrug and an awkward chuckle.

“So you called me ignorant earlier even though you really are gay?”

“Ignorance is ignorance, sis.”

“Lillian, please don't tell Mom and Dad about this,” Cornelia pleaded. “I'm going to tell them myself, I just haven't had time to yet.”

Lillian folded her arms and huffed.

“I can't believe your mystery guy is just Irma.”

“Oh, ouch?”

Cornelia let go of Irma and approached Lillian.

“I'm serious. Can you please promise me you won't say anything?”

Lillian shrugged.

“I guess. I mean, I don't care about it. Not like they'd believe me anyway.” Seeing Cornelia's pinched expression, she sighed loudly. “All right, no. No, I won't say anything. So you can stop looking at me like that! Now come on, or Mom will be next to find us in here.”

As she pushed open the door to leave, she turned back.

“Also, Irma, you've got lipstick on your face. Hard to play dumb when the evidence is right there on your forehead.”

“When did she become such a smartass?” Irma muttered as Cornelia fished around in her clutch, bringing out a make-up wipe. “Look, don't panic. Lillian might be a pain, but she respects your business. Probably. I mean, I don't know her that well, but it's none of her business right? She knows that.”

“How did she seem to you?” Cornelia asked, chewing her lip. “Uncomfortable? Freaked out? D-Disgusted?”

“None. It was the same kind of grossed out she got when she caught you making out with Peter for the first time, I reckon. It was sibling disgust, not, y'know, her being a phobe.”

“Are you sure?” Cornelia fretted.

“Super sure. Now come on, you heard what she said. Lets go back before your mom drags us back by the ears.”

Irma reached over to squeeze her hand and didn't let go until they were out of the bathroom and in sight of the Hales. Elizabeth turned and shot them a disapproving look, motioning them back over, and Harold's face lit up with a delighted smile.

“I was starting to think the two of you had fallen in!” he joked, as they took their seats. “Is everything all right?”

“Oh, everything's fine,” Cornelia promised, a lie rolling effortlessly from her tongue as Irma stared down at the steak au poivre in front of her. “Irma just smudged her mascara and needed me to come to her rescue.”

“Ah, I see. Surely it shouldn't take that long though?” Elizabeth turned to Lillian. “Were they taking selfies?”

“Oh, they were having a gay old time in there,” Lillian deadpanned.

Cornelia froze. Irma dared to look up from her food to stare daggers at Lillan.

A moment passed, and Harold shrugged.

“Well, I'll never understand it, myself. But the youth of today are always finding beauty in everything! They can make moments last a lifetime! And I'm envious that an entire generation has learned to take pictures from an angle that certainly appear more flattering in post-production...”

As his speech continued, the tension melted away. Elizabeth raised her eyebrows at the two of them, as if to silently chastise them for sending Harold on a spiel about technological advancements, before tucking into her food.

Cornelia swiftly kicked Lillian under the table, but all she got back in response was an impish grin.

…

“Urgh, I'm full to burst.”

A now pyjama-clad Irma flopped face down on the pull-out bed, before rolling onto her side and burping softly into the back of her hand.

“I told warned you against dessert, if you recall,” Cornelia said with a grin, pulling her nightgown over her head.

“Yeah, but they had cheesecake. You know I'm weak for cheesecake, Corny.”

“That I do.” Cornelia lay down beside her. “I was a bundle of nerves the whole night.”

“Aw, come here.” Irma pulled Cornelia close, combing her fingers through her hair. “Lillian was just being a brat, that's all. She's got dirt on you, of course she's gonna poke a little fun. But she wasn't about to out you or anything.”

“I know,” Cornelia groaned. “I know. But she's on thin ice, I'm telling you now!”

“Well, the sooner you get it off your chest, the sooner she'll lose that power over you,” Irma pointed out. She yawned. “I'm pooped. Can you turn the light off? And then come spoon me?”

“Sure, your highness,” teased Cornelia, prying Irma's hands off her waist. As she wandered over to the light switch near the hallway, she caught sight of Lillian leaving the bathroom. The two stood there in silence for a few moments, before Cornelia uttered, “Hi.”

“Hi.” Lillian shifted from one foot to the other awkwardly. “Hey, Cornelia?”

“Yeah?”

“Um. I know I didn't say it at the restaurant, but... I don't like, mind or anything. About you and Irma.”

Relief washed over her.

“You don't?”

“No! And you should stop caring that somebody does, you know? Mom and Dad are whatever. I don't know if they'd care about it. But, it shouldn't matter if we mind or not, that's my point. It's about you and Irma, not about the rest of us. Although, since you're a lesbian now, I wish you had better taste in girls. I've seen her eat peanut butter out of the jar with her fingers,” Lillian pointed out, pulling a face.

Cornelia, stunned by the overload of information, leaned back against the wall.

“With her fingers?”

“Yup. It was our house peanut butter, too!”

Cornelia buried her head in her hands. “Oh my god. If I didn't love her so damn much that would for sure be a deal breaker. Also, I'm not a lesbian.”

“You're not?”

“No. I loved Peter, remember?”

Lillian pouted. “Yeah. I miss him.”

“I know you do, you remind me all the time.” Cornelia squared her shoulders. “Lillian, I'm pansexual.”

Lillian raised an eyebrow. “Pansexual?”

“Yes. Pansexual. I... fancy people regardless of whether they're a guy, a girl, or nonbinary.”

“Nonbinary?”

“The internet is a great place to learn about this stuff, since you're on the track to being an ally now.”

Lillian giggled.

“Yeah, I guess. Well, okay. So you're not gay, you're... what's the short of it? Pan?”

Cornelia nodded wordlessly.

“Okay. Cool. You're pan. And Irma's your girlfriend. And she's a lesbian?”

“Yes. You caught on fast.”

With a shrug, Lillian said simply, “It wasn't that hard to grasp. You're pan, Irma's gay, you're dating. That's that.”

Cornelia's mouth opened and closed a few times. At last, she uttered, “You made that seem really easy.”

“I'm a smart and socially aware kid,” Lillian said proudly, hands on her hips. Her smug expression softened. “And I'm happy you're happy. I was kinda thinking, cause you never mentioned your 'mystery uni boyfriend', that maybe you didn't really like him. I'm glad it's just a mix up.”

Cornelia's heart swelled, and she stepped towards Lillian, hugging her tight.

“You're a good sister.”

“And you're a clingy sister, god!”

They bid goodnight and Cornelia climbed into bed beside Irma, who had her back to her and was softly groaning. She yelped as Cornelia wriggled under the covers.

“Holy crap, Corny, your feet are colder than Mount fucking Thanos!”

“So warm me up.”

“Sorry, you got the wrong guardian for that party trick.”

Cornelia rolled her eyes fondly and reached around to spoon her.

“Geez, you ate too much. Your stomach feels like a rock.”

“Don't bully me, that was rich people food! How many times am I gonna get to eat like that again, huh?”

“If you'd just let me take you fancy places-” Cornelia pointed out.

“You know I hate fancy places!” whined Irma, punctuated by another burp. “Ugh. Just cuddle me to sleep, jerk.”

“Who are you calling a jerk, jerk?”

Cornelia obliged nonetheless, letting her body wrap around Irma's with a familiarity that had adapted over the years; from guardian sleepovers to family vacations to just the two of them drunkenly sprawled out in Cornelia's dorm. And now here they were, fitting together like jigsaw pieces, water and earth.

“Sweet dreams,” Cornelia whispered, pressing a kiss to the back of Irma's neck.

“Keep your lips to yourself, Corny,” mumbled Irma sleepily, snuggling closer all the same.

[kootenaygoon]

So,

Cold tears lingered on my cheeks as we hiked downhill through ankle-deep snow, icy wind gusting up from Kootenay Lake and flowing full in our faces. We trudged from one streetlight to the next, squinting into the swirling darkness, lurching unsteadily. There were four or five of us migrating from a house party further up the hill, and none of us were dressed for this sudden blizzard. Paisley had me around my hips as she took careful steps down the sidewalk, and I pulled my coat tighter around my face. I’ve always been a wuss when it comes to winter, having grown up on the west coast, and I was contemplating a U-turn towards home—it was almost midnight and I knew Muppet and Buster were waiting to be cuddled. 

Since the beginning of our relationship neither Paisley or I had done much partying, as we’d settled into an increasingly cozy home life, but over Christmas we found ourselves navigating increasingly bombastic social scenarios that left us feeling like clueless ancients. Before we’d been feeling bored and under-stimulated, staying home all the time to order takeout and re-watch the Harry Potter series, but now we had the opposite problem—we were scrambling to keep up. As we crossed through the final intersection and rounded down to Front Street I wondered if there was anything at this upcoming party that could compare to luxuriating in a hot bath.

“I’m starting to ponder the nature of suffering here,” I said. “I’m like one minute away from dying in a snowbank.”      

“We’re almost there,” yelled back our friend Caelynn. “It’s right up in that building, the Hall Street Emporium. Like only two blocks further.”

“The party’s in that building? The one with the new pot dispensary?” I asked.

“Yeah, he’s the one that’s putting it on.”

“Who?”

“The main grower, Niles. Apparently he’s handing out a bunch of free weed.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“That’s what my friend texted. She said there’s like 50 people there.”

I’d been keeping a close eye on the cannabis scene since the municipal election, but hadn’t actually pulled the trigger on any Star stories after the pushback I received from management over the Sensible BC thing. I didn’t want to come off to the community as overzealous, too pot-friendly, but marijuana seemed like the main Nelson story that wasn’t being told. There was a long-standing culture of silence around the controversial plant, of secrecy, but with legalization coming I felt like it wasn’t necessary for everyone to hide anymore. Paisley and I had checked out the new place a few weeks earlier, when gossip reached us, and we’d been surprised by how amateur the operation was. It was being run by a 24-year-old former forest fire fighter named Marv, and he’d essentially dragged a glass countertop into an empty room devoid of decorations and proceeded to sell weed and a variety of edibles to whoever walked through the door—he didn’t even check for ID. 

I figured it was only a matter of time before the police intervened.

“That guy Marv is such a heat score,” I said. “It’s like he’s daring the police to raid him.”

“What are they gonna do?” Caelynn asked, defiant. “It’s gonna be legal in like a year anyways, right? Fuck those pigs.”

“They may not be able to do anything right now, but he’s still going about this the wrong way.”

“What’s the right way, then?”

“People appreciate some professionalism. I mean, once legalization comes everything’s going to be so different, above board, and there’s not going to be room for people like him.”

“You wanna put money on that?”

I thought about it for a second. “I bet you 50 bucks he’s shut down within three months.”

Caelynn smiled. “Three months from today? 50 bucks? I’ll shake on that.”

A few minutes later we reached the party, and noisily banged the snow off our boots as we entered the building. The first thing I saw was a baby, unattended, crawling across the floor. Mounted speakers blared Shambhala-style EDM, there was a table crowded with ravaged grocery store appetizers, and a whole variety of bongs and smoking apparatuses surrounding a trio of leather couches. In the corner was a pile of air filtration tubing, attached to a heavy-looking appliance the size of a dishwasher, but none of it was turned on. Marv was drunkenly circling the party, taking pictures, and wasn’t wearing a shirt. He was scrawny to the point of looking emaciated, and his thin moustache was dusted with white powder. He careened across the room to embrace Caelynn, then fished a joint out from his toque and held it out in my direction. 

We lit it.

“Newspaper dude,” he said, taking a toke. “You’ve got a pretty fucking cool job.”

“It’s Will, and this is my partner Paisley.”

“Your partner?”

“I always hated the term ‘girlfriend’, and we’re not married, so…”

“You are fucking beautiful,” Marv said, as he shook her hand. “Don’t mind me, I’m really fucking high right now. I’m actually totally harmless.”

Paisley laughed uncomfortably. “It’s all good. Thanks for having us.”

“It’s not me, man. It’s all Niles. Have you guys met Niles yet?” he asked, his eyes darting. “He organized this whole shindig, he’s the guy. Hey Niles, Niles! Come here, man.”

Niles shook his head apologetically to the people he was standing with, then sauntered over. He was in his early fifties, with a Swayze-esque mane of golden hair, wearing a baby blue suit. His walnut brown tan made his eyes seem supernaturally white, his golden bowtie was comically oversized, and he even kept a chained watch in his side pocket. It almost looked like he was in costume, like he could be tea partying with the Mad Hatter himself.

“The Kootenay Goon,” Niles said. “It’s an honour. I’ve been reading your stuff for months now, wondering when I would get the chance to meet the new shit disturber in town.”

I shook his hand, half-standing from the couch. “Yeah, shit disturber’s about right.”

“And here we have your lady love—Paisley, right?” he said, turning to her. “That was one of the first articles I read by you, Goon, the column you wrote about her. I remember thinking: ‘people should write about love in the newspaper more often’! I thought ‘when was the last time you saw someone fill two pages of a community newspaper with an ode to his girlfriend?’ I find kids think it’s cool to be nonchalant these days, to never emotionally commit to anybody or anything, and I ask you: what ever happened to true romance?”

Niles sunk down on the couch beside us, crossed his legs and began bouncing his foot in the air. Paisley and I shared a quick glance, acknowledging his Shakespearean flamboyance with secret smirks. He took a few tokes from the joint and passed it to Paisley, then draped his elbow on my shoulder. There was an instant familiarity there, a comfort level I wouldn’t typically have with a stranger, and pretty soon our conversation had veered into philosophical territory. He asked me if I believe in pure, unadulterated love. Did it really exist?

I sat forward, tugging at my beard thoughtfully. “For me, there’s just so many things I’ve lost faith in — like I used to be a hyper-Christian teenager and then I ditched on the whole God thing — and love, like human love, is one of the last things I actually believe in, you know?”

“You were a Christian kid?”

“Totally. Worked at a Bible camp in the summers, did missionary trips, the whole deal.”

“And what ended things for you?”

“My youth pastor was arrested for molesting a teenage boy down in Mexico, summer of 2005, during a missions trip. He was a father figure to me, so I started questioning: if I can’t trust him, and he taught me about God, then how can I trust what I know about God?”

“What a funny word, God.”

“I thought you guys would get along,” said Marv, stumbling off. Niles whipped over to a nearby fridge and returned with three beers. We clinked them together and took long pulls as a handful of party-goers began to dance around us. I felt a pleasant heat in my eyeballs. It was starting to get crowded, and loud.

“The vision I have for this place, Goon,” Niles said. “This wouldn’t just be a dispensary. It would be a smoking lounge, a social club … I was thinking maybe massages too, like a spa. Maybe a counsellor, mental health coach, that sort of thing.”

“I’ve heard that there are multiple new ones getting ready to open. The Green Rush, they’re calling it.”

“Yeah, but everyone’s too chickenshit to pull the trigger because they don’t know which way city hall will swing. They let Phil run his club because he keeps things below the radar, but nobody’s really tried strutting out into the light with their balls out yet.”

“Well, except for you.”

He smiled humbly.

“Well, Deb Kozak’s supposed to be more pot-friendly than Dooley,” I said. “That could make a difference in how things go down.”

He sighed. “They’re all the same. All three of them. There was no real choice there. It’s not about their opinions on cannabis, or their public stances or whatever. At the end of the day it’s about the money, and when the time comes they’re going to want their cut. Doesn’t matter who’s sitting in the big seat. They’re all so full of shit.”

He paused for a moment to take a thoughtful pull from his beer, then continued.

“I mean I’ve lived here since 1976, and there’s never been an honest politician in this town. Not once. They’re all lizard-fucking slime bags, all of them dirty in one way or another. You can’t trust a single word they say, remember that. It’s all the same pablum bullshit they’re force-feeding everybody. They say they’re going to act, they have all kinds of pretty words, but what do they actually do? What do they actually accomplish?” he asked. 

“Nothing.”

After chatting intensely for twenty minutes, Niles circulated off to the rest of the party and Paisley and I found ourselves awkwardly clutching our half-finished beers. Caelynn pulled up a chair, sat down on it backwards, and we re-started an earlier debate on the moral standing of Jaime Lannister, the Kingslayer. I engaged hard. Paisley put her head on my shoulder and we accepted another joint that was being passed around, sitting comfortable in the rolling fog of bong smoke. My consciousness began to fuzz.

“Oh, I love him,” I heard Paisley say. “What’s his name?”

I tried to locate my partner, distinct amidst the chaos of bodies around me. There were lots of colours. She was down on one knee, laughing, as a German shepherd took happy tongue swipes at her face. Brutus. I looked beyond her to where Snapper stood, leash in hand, wearing a sleeveless jersey that nearly reached his knees. He said something to Paisley, and she said something back, while I tried to maneuver into a standing position. I tried to take a swig of my beer but found it empty. When did that happen?

“Oh, that was tragic,” said Blayne, appearing beside me. She was wearing a bright red jumper, and had her hair braided into pigtails. “You should’ve seen the look of disappointment on your face.”

I smiled. “All these beers keep ending up empty.”

“Funny how that works.”

“I was just heading over to rescue my partner from Snapper before you showed up.”

“Oh, come on. He’s not that bad.”

“Not that bad?” I laughed, and then I doubled over and laughed some more. “Not that bad! Not that bad!” I knew my reaction was disproportionate, maybe nonsensical, but it was just one of those evenings. Blayne had her hand on my shoulder, trying to pull me back under control, and she was laughing now too — but she was laughing at me, laughing.

“You can be kind of an asshole, huh?” she said.

“I’ve made peace with that, yeah.”

“What’s Snapper ever done to you?”

I looked over to where he was chatting with Paisley. I didn’t like how close he was standing to her. She glanced over and made eye contact with me, then looked away again. I’ve never been a particularly possessive boyfriend, but something told me I needed to keep her away from him specifically. I turned to find Blayne blinking up into my face, because I’d failed to answer her.

“He hasn’t done anything to me, I just don’t like his energy.”

“He’s actually a really generous person. You guys could be friends, if you gave him a chance. You’d just have to stop being such a fucking snob.”

“I’m not a snob.”

“No? What are you then?”

Blayne and I sat back down on the couch, still bickering. Dru and Cy were sitting on the couch opposite from us, hand-rolling cigarettes on the coffee table. The music had a pulse, like a heartbeat, and I felt time melt. What was this sensation? I lifted my hands and marvelled at how the blood pulsed into my fingertips. My gaze settled on a dude wearing a psychedelic hoodie, on the sunburst erupting from his armpit. Wow. A woman walked by with a toddler on her hip, her billowing brown hair interlaced with red highlights, beads and little scraps of leather. I wondered what was going on in the minds of these strangers, if they were experiencing a fraction of what I was. This was one more moment, in this interminable line of moments, and who could say if it was any more special than any other? I wondered if anyone else were to tell a story about this moment, would it be different? What were they feeling, what did they see?

The Kootenay Goon

[ausblack]

MAYBE | k.th

REQUEST: Hii 👋🏼 if your requests are open I wanted to request a Taehyung scenario. So, Taehyung being the popular guy of school (cliche I know lol) and the reader being the discret one in school but y/n ended up in a wheelchair bc of an accident and people find it easy to bully her/him bc if her/his state and at first Taehyung weren't paying attention but he stood up for her/him at some point and they end up liking each other. This is the plot but you can change it if you want Thanks xxx

a/n: I really wanted this story to be as realistic as possible, so that anyone who is or was in a wheelchair could relate easily. Pls understand that I’m not in situation where I know a lot about the disability, but I tried to do my researches. Hope you enjoy !!

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: A lot of angst; Fluff

WARNING: Mention of PTD and bullying

Taehyung captured joy in his beautiful smile, in a way that attracted people to him. almost like a magnet. He smiled genuinely, with cute wrinkles that adorned the contour of his half-moon eyes with a warm, joyful laughter that you could hear from a mile away. It would echo through the halls of the school and could cheer anyone up, even the most stressed student.                                        Every girl was attracted by him, because he had the kind of look that stopped you in your tracks. He was slim, muscular, with an almost perfectly symmetrical face. His eyes were wide and bold - like those of a child, while his hair was brown and messy, furled down the nape of his neck with a fringe that covered his forehead.                                                                                                           His personality was as good as his looks, thanks to his extroverted way of speaking to other people.                                                                               

No one really knew much about Taehyung’s private life because he liked to keep his business by himself - the only ones who knew him perfectly were his best friends. They didn’t have all the same age, some of them weren’t even students in his school, because they’d already graduated, but he was always with to other guys. One was called Jimin and they were in the same class, the other one was Jungkook, a couple of years younger than them.                                          Jungkook and the other two had met as soon as Jungkook begin his first year after moving from his hometown with his family. Jimin found out thanks to some other people that they were born in the same city, so they became friends. Taehyung be-friended Jungkook instantly as well after realizing that the two of them had a lot of passions in common, such as video games and music - so it wasn’t a surprise to anyone that the three of them became inseparable.                      

This trio was pretty popular around school, because Jimin and Jungkook were pretty handsome as well. Every girl drooled over them and tried to follow them around like lost puppies with dreamy and hopeful eyes, but being with one of them, Taehyung in particular, could extremely difficult.                                           He had one rule that kept up his mysterious facade and that attracted girls to him even more: He didn’t do relationships, he only slept around.

The other guy students didn’t understand what was his secret, how could he managed to be liked from every girl without even trying? No matter how they tried, Taehyung always rejected every confession with an apology and a smile that somehow healed a little the wound of his rejection from the girls’s heart. 

No one thought that there was a girl capable of breaking that unbreakable rule of his, not even him. 

But that was until he laid his eyes on you for the first time. 

You were cold, even with your sweater and your coat on, but that didn't mattered. The day was illuminated with that special cold, pale light only winter's Sun could give, and the rain from the night before made everything glow with a really slippery ice. It was clear that if it rained that night again, it would fall snow instead of water from the sky. It was the perfect day for staying home, but you had to exit from your house because duty was calling and you had to go to school like every other morning. Your hands were wrapped around the cold wheels of your wheelchair as you travelled down the halls of your school, looking forward to start your last day of class before the beginning of Christmas break. Everyone was extremely excited about it, and you could tell that your friend Lisa was too after seeing how her lips lifted upwards when she walked up to you. 

“Y/n! Aren’t you happy? Today is the last day!” She squealed shaking your shoulders, making you chuckle at her excitement.

“Yeah, that’s cool.” You responded her with a not-so-excited tone that resulted in a frown formed on her face. 

“Are you okay?” She asked you puling your wheelchair, helping you getting in front of your desk. 

You took a couple of books out of your backpack, puffing as she looked at you with questioning eyes. 

“I haven’t slept tonight.” You said and she sat next to you, giving you all of her attention. 

“Did you had nightmares again?” She asked, a little hint of worry on her voice. 

“Yeah, it wasn’t that bad though, just the same scene over and over again.” You explained and she couldn’t help but to hug you, warming you up a little.

“You should’ve called me babe, you know that I always pick up your calls. She mumbled against your hair.

“It was late, you were probably sleeping.” 

“No I wasn’t.” She stopped you as you spoke.

“I’m dancing until late nowadays.” She said making you smile.

“You finally decided to do it?” You said, happy about her little confession. Ever since you had that incident, Lisa talked cautiously around you, worried that she might have upset you talking about activities that required the capability of walking, such as dancing or doing sports, but you really didn’t care that much. 

Sure, you have been devastated for a while, but now you were better and you wanted her to be as comfortable as possible around you, just like before anything happened. 

“Yeah, a friend of mine started to take classes and asked me if I wanted to go with him. I said yes because I was willing to try.” 

“You made the right choice.” You replied, smiling as she jumped out of excitement. 

“God I can’t believe that it’s almost Christmas already! What are you going to do during break?” She asked you keeping that big smile of hers stamped on her face.

“I’ll just rest, watch some movies and maybe going out to get some fresh air. What about you?”

“My dad said that we’re going on a trip, I don’t really know where.” She spoke, getting interrupted by the sound of the door closing and the professor greeting all the students in the room, 

“I’m sorry that I can’t stay with you.” She whispered, opening her book while the teacher started explaining.

“Don’t worry too much about it.” 

“Did you know that the cheerleader was rejected yesterday?” Lisa said while pulling your chair from your class to another after the previous hour had ended.”

“No way.” You laughed at what she said, as if she had said one of the most hilarious jokes you have ever heard. 

“I’m not joking. She confessed to Kim Taehyung after the party but he said no in front of everyone. Apparently they slept together but it didn’t mean anything to him.” She continued taking and you looked at her with a disgusted face. 

“What an asshole.” You mumbled making her nod. 

“I mean, he’s an asshole with a kind personality.” She said making you laugh once again.

“I didn’t know that fuckboys could be kind.” You responded crossing your arms against your chest. 

“He just doesn’t like to date - I can understand him a bit. Maybe no one is his type.” You stayed silent at her words, uncertain on what to say. 

You knew who Taehyung was because everyone talked about him and his friends around school - They all said that he was one of the most caring person in the whole world, but how could such a person mock a girl by rejecting her in front of everyone be a nice guy. 

It seemed like an asshole to you. 

Taehyung kept walking around the hallways with Jimin and Jungkook by his side while watching the small flocks of snow descend from the gray sky.        The backyard was covered in a thick blanket of white - footpsteps and paws printed around the cold grass. It seemed ike a storm was about to come, judging by the dark color that the sky was forming above the ground. 

“It was good, I had a lot of fun.” Jungkook’s voice awakened Taehyung into reality, after he lost himself in thoughts - looking outside of the window.                 He was answering to a question that Jimin had asked previously. 

“What?” He asked entering their conversation. 

“My dance class, it was good.” He repeated putting his hands inside of the hoodie’s pockets. 

“God, why is it so cold today? Isn’t the heating on?” Jimin muttered as he walked with his hands inside the long sleeves of his shirt. 

“I don’t know, I just want this day to end so that I can go back home and sleep until the break is finished.” Taehyung said, making the other two chuckle. 

The three of them kept talking for a while - walking lazily around the school when a yell broke the peace that surrounded them. They looked at each other curiously, peeking around the corner to see where the sound came from. 

“Lisa for fucks sake, calm down!” You were pulling back Lisa with both your hands, as she stranded protectively and angrily in front of you, with red face and furious eyes. 

“What the fuck it’s wrong with you?!” She yelled at a guy that was standing a couple of feet apart from her, with a chilling stand and a mocking look in his face. 

“What? It’s not my fault if she was just standing in the way.” He said with a sarcastic laugh - tons of books were sprained on the floor. 

It didn’t take much to realize that the guy had knock over all the things that you were carrying on your lap. 

“She fucking wasn’t asshole, you pushed her intentionally!” She continued to yell and the boys decided to step out. 

Jungkook was the first to speak. 

“Lisa?” He asked and the girl with blond hair and bangs turned around. 

“Do you know her?” Jimin asked him curiously.

“We danced together” He answered looking in your direction. 

“What’s going on?” Jungkook asked making the guy snort annoyingly. 

“He fucking pushed Y/n while walking and he knocked everything on the floor.” She explained as the three boys walked towards them. 

As everyone spoke, Taehyung couldn’t help but look at you. 

You were just sitting there with an unpleasant look on your face - you almost looked bored and that made Taehyung’s blood boiled up. Were you just silent because it was something that happened frequently? How could anyone treat you this badly? 

As his eyes laid on you, he started to feel a weird sensation that he never felt before. When he looked at you it was as if every ounce of breath was taken from his lungs at the sight of your immense beauty. The butterflies that he had inside his stomach were flattering up and down the more he stared at you, at your mesmerizing eyes that were focused on the scene that your friend was making in the middle of the hallway. 

“I..I don’t care, let’s just go..” You said with a fragile voice that made Taehyung’s heart break in half. He couldn’t just stare at them without doing nothing. 

“Dude, that’s messed up.” Jimin said walking up to you and Lisa. 

“Why are you interfering? It was just a thing between me and the crippled.” The guy said without taking off that mocking smile on his face. 

As the boy spoke, Taehyung started to feel angrier than before - He had white knuckles from clenching his fist too hard, and gritted teeth from effort to remain silent. 

“Don’t fucking call her that.” Taehyung muttered angrily making all of the students present turn towards him. 

You looked up at him with wet, surprised eyes. 

The other guy chucked.

“What are you gonna do? I didn’t call you a crippled, I called her a crippled so it’s none of your fucking business.” He continued but Taehyung wasn’t feeling like remaining silent anymore. 

“I swear to god, if you fucking talk to her like that again, I’ll break you in half.” He got closer to him but the boys got in the way. 

“Tae calm down.” Jimin and Jungkook put a hand on his shoulder to stop him but Taehyung was having none of it. 

Lisa was now gathering all your books in her hand, picking them up for you but the guy decided to be an asshole until the end. 

We a movement of his leg, he kicked your wheelchair, making you slam against the lockers that you had behind, making everyone gasp - everyone but you. 

With a jump, Taehyung attacked the guy slamming him against the floor - throwing punches at him while the boys tried to stop him. 

You could feel your breath getting unsteadier at the stress that all that situation was causing and Lisa was quick to notice that. 

She tried to talk to you in order to distract you but the only thing that you could see was the image on Taehyung on the floor with blood on his hands and the body of the other guy under him. 

When your skin went as pale as your eyes, Lisa understood that you were about to clock out in front of that scene. 

“Taehyung! Stop!” She screamed for him and he turned around, along with the other two boys. 

The guy took the opportunity to run away with a bloody nose and two soon-to-be black eyes from the ferocity of Taehyung. 

“Help me bring her out of here, she needs fresh air.” Lisa pointed out your state to the boys and Taehyung was the first to move, picking you up by himself as the others followed him close behind. 

“Do you have a car? We need to lay her somewhere.” She continued and Jungkook spoke up.

“Yeah, we can use mine.” Tae went out, holding you close to his chest so that you could be warm enough as Jungkook took out the keys of the car.

Your eyes were still open but you felt sleepy, almost as if you could doze off at any second. Lisa opened the car door for Taehyung and he went in cautiously, making you lay in the backseat with your head on his lap. 

He took off his jacket, putting it on your lap to keep you warm enough and you looked up at him as the others came inside as well. 

“I heard a thunder, maybe it’s better if we go home. She can lie in a bed.” Jungkook said taking the driver seat. 

Lisa seated besides him nodding at his offer and Jimin agreed as well, sitting in the backseat with your legs on your lap. 

Taehyung started caressing your hair with his bloody hand, looking worryingly at you a cut on his forehead. 

“I’m sorry, I should’ve fought him. I didn’t know that you could start to panic.” He said and you smiled faintly at his words. 

“That’s okay..thank you for standing up for me.” You replied making him smile. 

Ever since you arrived at home, Taehyung never left your side - always making sure that you were comfortable and that you were warm enough. The boys couldn’t help but smile at his behavior, it was obvious that he had fell for you and he wasn’t trying to hide it either. Lisa smiled along with them as well. 

“Tae you can relax, she’s sleeping.” She said walking in the room where you were staying. Taehyung was sitting on the bed next to you. 

“I’m just worried..” He said making her smile. 

“Just come down, we’re about to watch a film. The atmosphere it’s perfect.” She said, talking about the sound of the rain that you could hear from outside. 

“All right, I’ll come down.” He said and Lisa nodded, leaving the two of you alone again. 

You opened your eyes slowly, yawning after your well-rested nap.            Taehyung was just about to leave when you held his hand, coughing his attention. 

“Are you okay? Do you need something?” He asked and you couldn’t help but smile at his worried tone.

“I don’t want to be alone..” You said and he nodded sitting next to you again. 

You brushed with your thumb his hurt knuckles with a frown on your face. 

“You shouldn’t have done that.” 

“I wanted to do.” He replied - unfazed.

“It wasn’t worth it.”

“You are worth everything.” You blushed at his words and he noticed your pink cheeks. It was the cutest thing he had ever seen. 

“What are you going to do during break?” He asked without letting go of your hand. 

“I’ll just rest, chill at my house.” You replied looking down at your intertwined hands. 

“Maybe we could rest together..” Taehyung offered with an hopeful look in his smile. 

You could feel a smile form on your face as well. 

“I would love that.” 

Maybe Taehyung wasn’t the asshole you thought he would be.                      Maybe he didn’t date anyone because no one was his type, like Lisa had said.                                                                                                                     Maybe he didn’t date any of those girls because those girls were you. 

[lifeinliminality]

BC/AD

I want to tell this story. I think it is important to tell, especially in this moment—when collectively we are straining against the changes wrought by a global pandemic.

Maybe I should start by saying that sometimes stories are something you’ve been working on in your life for years. You’ve crafted and cultivated it. Nurtured and pruned it to your liking. But this story was thrust upon me. This story began in an instant and I could do nothing but see it play out, catch up to its lightning speed pace, and hold on for dear life.

This story began on January 13, 2018 at approximately 11:30pm. It began with a sleeping child on a gurney in a hospital emergency room with his worried parents and a hesitant ER doctor.

While holding my sleeping child, I was given the worst news you could imagine: “He has blasts in his blood. When a child has these blasts it points to leukemia or lymphoma. We’ll be admitting your son tonight.” Cancer. Six letters that spell something life changing.

I remember a teacher once describing the difference between B.C. and A.D. when referring to dates in a history book. When I was a child, I used to think about it as “Before Christ” and “After Death” (meaning Christ’s death). I always thought it was such a strange and monumental way to mark time. Now, it doesn’t seem so strange. Our lives are literally divided into B.C., “Before Cancer” and A.D. “After Diagnosis.” But I’m getting ahead of myself.

For all we knew, our son was a healthy and happy almost three year old. He was a younger brother and would soon become a big brother—just two months prior to this night we had discovered we were pregnant with our third child. He liked Paw Patrol and playing soccer and other sports. An old soul from birth, our middle child both impressed and challenged my husband and I with his iron-strong will.

He had gotten a cold shortly before Christmas. But unlike before, he didn’t bounce back to his normal effervescent self. He got pale, was emotional, lost his appetite and after we spent the night of January 12th up every hour with him moaning, my husband decided to take him to the pediatric urgent care. I had to go to work that afternoon. I run a community wide children’s program in Montclair, New Jersey. My husband said he’d take both boys to the urgent care if he still wasn’t better after his afternoon nap. I met them there that evening after the event, in time to hold my son down while they fished around for a vein from which to draw blood. I hate getting blood drawn. When I was a child, I’d had to be held down because my younger brother was sick and they wanted to make sure I was okay. It traumatized me. But more than having my blood drawn, I hated having to be the one holding my child down for this. Little did I know that this would become a routine part of our existence.

While I waited with our middle son for the blood results, the other two hit up Smashburger in the strip mall next door. It was dinner time now and we were anticipating a rush once we left the urgent care to get our kids fed and ready for bed. Instead, the doctor came in and asked if there was someone local who could take care of our older son while we went to the pediatric emergency room. She was very specific: take him to [redacted for privacy]; no, you cannot go home and eat dinner with your children first. And don’t Google anything. I remember how strange that comment was—mostly because I didn’t even know what I would Google. She hadn’t told us anything about the blood results, only that we needed to go immediately to the Pediatric ER and that she’d called ahead.

We called our pastor, and his wife came over to stay with my oldest until my sister could get out to us from Long Island City.

My husband and I spent the 20-minute car ride to the emergency room trying to distract our two year old with his favorite song at the time: I’m Still Standing from the movie SING! An Elton John classic. It instantly became our mantra in the days ahead.

So there we were, the ER doctor just left the room after dropping the cancer bombshell us. I instantly started weeping, as did my husband. It was completely surreal. An orderly came in to wheel us up to the fifth floor of the hospital. We gathered our things. I was on the gurney with our still sleeping boy. It was after midnight now. January 14th. I don’t think I fully processed that leukemia was cancer until I saw the sign “Pediatric Hematology/Oncology” painted over the door we entered on the fifth floor. It was a waking nightmare.

We were 23 days in the hospital after his initial diagnosis. The first few days were a whirl of tests, surgeries and a steady rotation of doctors, nurses, and specialists. There was paperwork to sign: releasing the doctors and hospital of liability if something happened to our child when he was under sedation for a port placement, spinal tap, and chemo infusions. There was a social worker, a nutritionist, and a flurry of texts from family members and friends as we slowly put the word out.

Around day seven we got another bombshell—type 1 diabetes. Yep. We got a “two-fer.” So not only were we learning all we could about acute lymphoblastic leukemia and fielding calls, texts, and emails from family, friends, and friends of friends who knew someone with leukemia, but we were learning how to take blood glucose readings through “finger sticks,” calculate insulin to carbohydrate ratios, and give manual insulin injections to our son. Our son lost 9 pounds—which on a tiny toddler body renders a child gaunt. He started to associate finger sticks and shots with eating, so naturally, he stopped wanting to eat. They had to put an NG tube in—a tube that goes up the nose, down the back of the throat and esophagus directly into the stomach, so that we could give him Pediasure if he didn’t eat. He caught a cold somewhere around week two, which meant isolating him to his hospital room. He rarely smiled, he mostly slept and cried about taking the few oral medications he had to take daily. By the time of discharge, he could barely walk. His muscles had atrophied from being in bed for so long. Our once very active child couldn’t even climb the stairs at home or get up from a sitting position without assistance.

The day after we were discharged we were right back in the outpatient clinic at the hospital wrapping up the first of five cycles of what is called Frontline Treatment. Each cycle, outside of that first month is 60 days. But it isn’t necessarily a straight 60 days through. Continuing treatment is tied to how a child’s blood counts (red and white blood cells, platelets, and immune cells) are doing. If they are too low, they won’t continue treatment. If they are dangerously low, you’ll be spending a full day in the clinic getting a blood or platelet transfusion. Some cycles require weekly visits to clinic, some daily. Some cycles had four day hospital admittances. It was a tsunami of information and so many appointments to keep track of, along with his diabetic appointments and my OB appointments. And when we weren’t at clinic we were at home. Our son could no longer be in his daycare. We had to forego his friends’ birthday parties and play dates. It took our boy 11 months to finish Frontline Treatment.

The isolation felt overpowering at times. The parts of life we had to give up, the ways we had to change our routines to protect his fragile immune system. We were in survival mode and mostly just trying to get through each day. He hit remission in May 2018. But while he had no detectable cancer cells in his blood, it didn’t mean there weren’t any—and we would have to complete three more years of treatment.

Fast forward to March 2020. Our son has been in what is called “long-term maintenance” for a little over two years (meaning 14 months more until we are off of treatment). He’s been thriving: back at school, managing his meds well, his endocrinology team has been very happy with how we’ve managed his diabetes amidst chemotherapy and steroid treatments . . .

We’d been increasingly worried about what we were hearing in the news about a novel virus: COVID-19. We pulled our middle child out of school a couple of days before the state stepped in and mandated stay in place orders. Suddenly, the whole world was navigating a BC/AD moment: Before Coronavirus/After Disease. Everyone’s lives were instantly changed; families were having to adjust their routines for a huge unknown. Gloves and masks and disinfectant: a norm in our lives for two years now, were becoming household staples.

During our son’s frontline treatment we did not have to follow recent practices to the extreme, but since the stay in place orders, so many of our friends and family have been reaching out. “So this is what this was like.” Yes. Yes, this is a lot like what we have navigated since our son was diagnosed with leukemia. It’s hard, right?

It is hard. And the collective grief that we are all processing as a result of losing jobs, daily routines, a sense of control, and even loved ones can be overwhelming at times. But always, always amidst the darkness, there is light. There is joy and gratitude that can be cultivated and expressed. There are acts of selflessness and generosity to be witnessed and to perform. This is the “brutiful” gift of a situation like this. And really, this is an opportunity to pause and take stock of what is essential to our human existence and to a life well lived.

Nobody asked for this. Nobody wants it. But we find ourselves in the midst of it anyway. What we do and how we hold space in this time is what will matter moving forward. It will be part of our story. That is all I can offer you. In these BC/AD moments, there isn’t a simple solution or even a lot of answers. But I do know this, we will make it through. Life moving forward will not be the same. It can’t be. But we will find our new normal. My hope? That the new normal will mean that we seek and cultivate community more. That we realize we have all been helped by others and that we NEED others to make it through this life. That we have more generosity and compassion for one another because we are more aware that we’ve all been through some shit. Selah.

[dailyaudiobible]

12/09/2017 DAB Transcript

Joel 1:1-3:21, Revelations 1:1-20, Psalms 128:1-6, Proverbs 29:18

Today is the 9th day of December. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I’m Brian and, of course, it is always great to be together around the global campfire. And as it gets colder and colder outside, it's warmer and warmer when we’re snuggled up in community. So, it's great to be here with you today. And today marks a little bit of a shift. And that is this, for the last little while we’ve been moving more rapidly through the New Testament, as we read through a lot of letters and those are shorter documents. Today, we reached the final book of the New Testament and will be spending the rest of the year in that book, the book of Revelation. At the same time, we’re moving through, what is known as the minor prophets, not so much because the profits were minor, but because the books are shorter, some as short as the letters that we read in the New Testament. And we’ll start moving more rapidly through the Old Testament. So, for example, in just a second, we’re going to read in its entirety, the book of Joel from the Old Testament.

Joel:

So, let's talk about the book of Joel. The prophet, Joel, wrote this book of prophecy, more than likely, somewhere around the mid-800s BC. So, we’re talking seven or eight centuries before Jesus. And he writes of a vast horde of locusts that have invaded the land and subsequently obliterated the crops and just about everything else causing great famine. And he uses this natural disaster as his backdrop to call the children of Israel toward repentance. And, as is true with most of the Bible, this brings the children of Israel to a fork in the road where a choice must be made. They can return to God and enjoy his blessings and restoration or they can continue to reject God and face what is called the day of the Lord, the day of God's judgment. And of course, as we can see the arching narrative of the Bible, it’s not ever God's will that His people suffer these terrible repercussions. So, He's constantly calling them back, just like He still does today. And we’ll see that there is some of the most beautiful promises of restoration and hope that we’ll find in the entire Bible. And they are spoken in this very short book of prophecy, the book of Joel. And, so, we begin with Joel chapter 1 verse 1 through 3:21. And we’re reading from the English Standard Version this week.

Revelations:

Okay. So, as we move into the New Testament, like I said at the beginning, we’re moving into the final book of the Bible. But the book of Revelation is not really a book at all. It’s more like a letter. But from a literary perspective, it would be classified as apocalyptic, apocalyptic literature. In fact, for a long time this writing was known as the Apocalypse or the Apocalypse of John. And apocalypse is Greek, it means Revelation. And we know this writing by that name because that's what an Apocalypse is, a revelation. It's this unveiling of things that were not known previously and that couldn't be known outside of the Revelation, outside of the unveiling. And we normally think of, like, the word apocalypse as a scary word that speaks of like the ultimate end in destruction of everything, but there's all a lot more going on in the book of Revelation than that. And there are a lot of other apocalypses. Like, so, there's a lot of other apocalyptic writing in many cultures, and other apocalyptic writings that were, or that came out of the Christian tradition, the early Christian tradition. This one was canonized into the New Testament. And traditionally, the author has been thought to be the apostle John. And that this was written on the isle of Patmos, where he had been exiled. And there's a lot of scholarly debate, there has been a lot of scholarly debate for a long time, about who this John is. Is this really the apostle John, or was this a Christian prophet who was a follower of John, or whose name happened to be John? And that continues to be debated. However, early Christian writers, apostolic fathers, so like the second generation after the apostles, so like the grandchildren of the apostle’s generation, identify John the apostle as the John of Revelation. And the isle of Patmos is an island that’s southwest of Ephesus. And the Romans used this island to banish people who had committed crimes against Rome's. So, if we’re talking about the apostle John writing this from the Isle of Patmos, he would've been a very old man at this point. And he wrote this letter to different churches that had been established during the time of Paul's missionary journeys in the early church's activity some 50 years earlier. So, some of the earliest Christian churches that were now into and moving into their second generation. And Revelation is one of the more controversial or misunderstood books of the Bible, but no matter which school of interpretation you adhere to, when you boil this all down, it's a call to repentance and spiritual renewal. It's a letter to encourage Christians, not to scare them and freak them out, to encourage Christians and bolster their faith in the face of tribulation and trial. And it's actually a letter of great hope, because once again it shows that our Lord and Savior, Jesus, is in fact all-powerful. And in the end, He remains victorious and because He remains victorious we can remain victorious with Him. And, so, we begin the final book of the New Testament, Revelation chapter 1.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You so much as we do every day for Your word and the gift that it truly is in our lives. And we see the promise today from the book of Joel that You will pour out Your Spirit on all people, and Lord, let us be those people. Our hearts are open to You God. we ask that Your Holy Spirit lead and guide us, rebuke us, correct us, shape us as we move deeper and deeper into the relationship that You have offered us. Come Jesus. Come, we pray in Your holy name. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website. It’s home base. It’s where you find out what's going on around here. And a lot of Christmas things are going on around here right now.

And one of those things is your calls, your holiday greetings back into the Daily Audio Bible community. We do this every year. It's a joy, a joyous time. It's our version, as a virtual community, of our annual Christmas party, our family gathering for Christmas time. So, we take these calls for a period of time and then we start assembling this all together and move through the Christmas story and talk about the year and hear from each other and it's just a wonderful time. And you can get involved in that. You should get involved in that. All you have to do is call the prayer line. 877-942-4253 is the number. But you can call any of the prayer lines. If you're in the UK or Europe, 44-20-3608-8078, or if you're in Australia or that part of the world, 61-3-8820-5459 is the number. And you just call in your Christmas greetings. And the only rule about that, because these are the prayer lines, are that you don't mix a holiday greeting with a prayer request in the same call. Make those separate. And it'll just be a beautiful time as it always is. So, we’re doing that right now for the next few days.

The Daily Audio Bible Christmas Box is available and it's full of resources and goodies - some that you’ll give away as gifts, some that you’ll want to keep for yourself and you get to kind of go through and pick. So, that's available in the Daily Audio Bible shop at dailyaudiobible.com.

Registration, early registration, is open for the More Gathering for women that's coming up this April. That's our annual women's conference. And you can find out all about that at dailyaudiobible.com as well. Just go to the Initiatives section and you'll find the More Gathering 2018. And all the information that you want or need to know is there. So, check that out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible as we approach the end of the year, thank you. Thank you, humbly, profoundly, deeply, gratefully for your partnership. There’s a link on the homepage of dailyaudiobible.com. If you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And I mentioned the numbers before, but if you have a prayer request, or comment, or holiday greeting, 877-942-4253 is the number.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer Requests and Praise Reports:

Hello my DAB family. This is Goddess, the Kings Daughter. I am praying for every single request that comes through. As I’ve stated on here before, I’m not really the one to call in but I am praying in the background. I feel that is where I am called to operate. So, I am calling to speak to my sister Gloria. I’ve been praying about your mom's situation, and also the situation between your brother and yourself. And all I hear in my spirit is that you should be still and know that God is God. Be still and know that he is God. I will encourage you to read Psalm 46, with emphasis on verse 10, saying that be still know He is God. He is our refuge in times of need. He is not going to…He hasn't abandoned you. He is fighting for you. Because you're not hearing from Him doesn’t mean that He's not working. So, be still and have that peace in your heart my dear and know that God is working on your behalf. You may not see it, but I for one, if I have to tell you what I've been through, what I went through all of last year, and I’m still going through, which I need to actually call for a prayer request for myself and I haven't done so yet. My sister be still and know that that God is with you. All is well. Praying for you. Bye-bye.

Good morning DAB family. This is Spoken By Faith from New York City. Today is December 5th and I’m calling to just let you guys know that I’m praying and I heard Christi from New York asking for prayer for marriages and that’s always been on my heart. I’ve have a request also for my sister in Virginia, she’s doing much better. She was bleeding out from a vain in her esophagus and have made several transfusions and now they are finding bandings and therapy so hopefully they will stop the bleeding and she won’t need a __. I’m asking for prayers for her. Her name is __. And I ask for prayer for my brother also in his marriage. And today my heart is broken because my son’s wife, just yesterday, told him that she needed space and just…my grandson…and I’m just broken hearted for him. That’s why I just feel such a burden, I’ve always had such a burden for marriages, and I’m praying with him to be able to…just... hold onto the Lord as so many are going through…spouses that just want out for no reason…they want space…whatever it is…it just doesn’t make any sense. God is in control and I pray that you would intercede with Him as he’s going through this very trying time. And I intercede with those that are also in difficult marriages and difficult situations and need healing. Whatever your need is, and I’ve been listening every day and I pray and intercede and I ask you to keep my son in prayer as he’s also going through this and that. That God would speak to…

Hello Daily Audio Bible community. This is Greg from Stow, Ohio. And my prayer request is for all international students that are visiting our country, that they would hear the gospel and respond to the gospel, especially during this holiday season. There’s over a million international students from countries where the gospel is not really proclaimed. So, let's pray that God draws them to Himself while they are here visiting us and that Americans would reach out to them. Lord, thank You God for bringing these people from all across these nations, from all across the world to our doorstep and God, I pray that You would draw them to yourself and that Christians would be motivated to invite them to church services, to Christmas programs, to befriend them, and to share the love of Jesus with them. I pray that many would find Christ and become missionaries to their own countries. Thank You Lord. And I pray for the missionaries that work with these students, that You would bless them and protect them from the enemy, protect them from the spiritual warfare they encounter and guard their marriages, provide for them, funding wise. And I just thank You for their work and I thank You for the amazing opportunity we have as believers to share the gospel with people who don't know You. Help us to do it with this with boldness but with humility. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen. Thanks a lot. This is Greg. I’m on Instagram actually on @daily_bible_devotional or you can find me at gospeldriven.org. God bless you guys. Thank you so much for your ministry. I’ve been reading through the bible every year for the last 20 years and your audio broadcast…

Lord, our God, how majestic is Your name in all the air. The heavens and creation all around us declare Your glory. You are the source of all things. You sustain all things. You keep this world spinning and my feet moving. Lord, the cares of this world are threatening to overwhelm me. You know what they are. Help me to let them go and give them to you. Help me to cast my anxieties on You. Help me to trust in Your love, Your strength, and Your provision. Help me learn to be content. Help me know that I can do all things through You who gives me strength. I’m sorry Lord for all the times I’ve relied on myself to get me through when I should have trusted and relied on You. I’m sorry for the times I’ve doubted. Help me to remember Lord that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Thank You Lord for how you’ve made me and help me to remember that I am loved by You and that You made me to be me. [singing] If I were a butterfly, I thank You Lord for giving me wings. And if I were a robin in a tree, I thank You Lord that I could sing. And if I were a fish in the sea, I’d wiggle my tail and I’d giggle with thee. But I just thank You Father for making me me. For you gave me a heart and you gave me a smile. You gave me Jesus and You made me your child but I just thank You God for making me...