#bcs headache…..

[sttoru]

older bf gojo post today ? 👭

[inkskinned]

even 2 years ago people still said autism with a whisper. it was also how people sometimes whisper lesbian, like they're afraid of uttering a slur. autistic was either an insult or it was something terrible, a horrible burden only select people endure. "select people" were usually 9 year old boys and skinny white men.

they are not hispanic young adults with a dog and a life and friends. i can make (sustained, calculated, painful) eye contact. with certain people, i don't even have to count how many seconds i am holding their vision - i can just look at them. i can wear clothes that bother me, i will just have a worse day than usual. i might cry about any changes to my schedule - but change is scary! this is normal!

when i was 16 it was OCD. i mean that was the thing everyone said. i totally have ocd. they would arrange 6 colors of gel pen in rainbow order (no worry for indigo feeling left out) and they'd be "so ocd" about it.

if you struggle with intrusive thoughts, be careful at this next paragraph, but. at 16 i developed a compulsion that involved self-harm. my ocd was convinced i was simply forgetting that i'd hurt someone terribly - a thought that persisted for no clear or delineated reason.

at some point i will probably write about how the idea of "morally pure thoughts" was hell for me and others with ocd, but this was the odd dichotomy for many of us: they liked our "aesthetic", but were genuinely repulsed by our lived experience. "intrusive thoughts" now means "cutting your hair in the sink" instead of talking yourself down from believing horrible things. "so ocd" is a label without any true understanding.

it's something i've talked about before - in multiplicity - but i firmly believe in the veracity and necessity of self-diagnosis. i think it saves lives and it saves tragedies from occurring. as someone raised in a house that wasn't safe, self-diagnosis was, for many years, the only viable option. 15 and honestly googling: am i depressed or there demons affecting my behavior.

but it is not genuine self-diagnosis anymore, most of the time. it is a strange, blanched version of that whispered word autism. now certain traits are constantly seen as "autistic" - any passing intense interest. any flubbed social interaction. people say it while laughing - a touch of the 'tism.

and i like the acceptance! i do. i like that people are talking about it. i like that if i self-identify, more people speak up and say me too, bitch. but there is something-else quietly happening, the way it happened to OCD. the quirky, "fun" parts have been washed and sanitized and removed of all suffering. now it is just something that makes you "a little bit silly."

it took me 27 years on this planet before i learned to make friends. something about me just seems incredibly odd, i guess, some kind of radiation monitoring. someone once (in a way that was almost friendly) told me i am doing the right things, but in a way that's off-putting. i have scoured myself raw attempting to be charming.

someone on tiktok does a deep dive into their particular passion. the top comment says "what kind of autism is this lol". like we are a breed of animal. like it has no influence on our experience. like our life is a fresh breeze, an open meadow.

more often for me, life was a drowning.

[elssbethtascioni]

Emily Prentiss + smoking

[sassquire]

have you escaped the cave?

[b1dl0]

Scavengers Reign crossover

But instead of connecting(?) with planet v1 is connecting with hell

[skydaemon]

kabru as a psych student who KNOWS about ethics guidelines and KNOWS he's not qualified to make diagnostic statements and therefore spends every moment with laios grinding his teeth to dust because HOW DOES THIS MAN THINK HE'S NEUROTYPICAL!??!?!?

[salt-n-salt]

harvey’s worst patient

[galaghiel]

oh michael, didn't you know?

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[hinamie]

second years designs :D only have a few more characters left to do this has gone so quick ,,

jjk atla!au with @philosophiums

[skunkes]

[khytal]

vash log 1

[willowwee]

Albus' Favorite: Payment

Ramble: Out of all the moments during BvZ 4, this one got me💀💀 I was planning to finish this few days ago but I was emotionally busy with personal stuff and I needed to thug it out w my friends and family atm BUT NOW I HAVE ALOT OF FREE TIME‼️‼️ I was also planning to draw faithful x albus but im still planning on the background 💀 so enjoy this for a moment and maybe some doodles next if I still haven't figured out what to draw next

Edit: also the head is Vilgrey🔥🔥

[applestruda]

Hermittober Day 14 - Clash

[obsob]

here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud!!

✷(print shop)✷

[hyunpic]

hyunjin on bubble: i’ll give you a new years present, i really can’t post this on insta so i’ll share it only with you..

[whoisnotmyname]

dai avvar companion au armor build ideas