#bcs i want them and anyone else feeling alone to know that theres nothing wrong with you

[bangtangalicious]

what would fmf!jk do if oc didn’t listen to jk and actually dated someone and ended up falling in love, how far would jk go to get her back?

so lets say you fall in love with taehyung bc he’s such a sweetheart in this. i hope you like this anon <3

tw: jealousy, possessive behavior, toxic fuckboy mentalities, fuckboy!jungkook, manipulation, implied smut, angst (sorry lmaoooo), heartbreak, selfpity, sabotage, poor taehyung rip, implied slut shaming (this part of the fuck me forever au)

weeks after hearing the news that you and taehyung were actually now dating, jungkook would find himself at the bar every night, drinking away the pain and throwing himself at others. he’d fuck two or three people a night, but his mind was always full of you. he was sick of you. no. he missed you.

he’d see you and taehyung around campus being all cute together. taehyung kissing your forehead, making you laugh, holding you in his arms the way jungkook used to

he’d sweat it off at the gym, pounding into the punching bag like there was no tomorrow. he couldn’t sit around and let you slip away from him. not any longer.

he’d hit you up, hellbent on doing whatever he needed to sabotage your relationship before he loses you for good. he’d text you asking to meet, showing up at your place when taehyungs not around. he’d want to try to drive a wedge between the two of you

he knew youd tell taehyung youd been spending time with him. he wanted you to. because he knew taehyung would advise you not to see him. to cut him out of your life.

and that was the key. jungkook would start putting the idea in your head that taehyung himself was overly possessive, not wanting you to spend time with your own best friend—how ridiculous ! 

jungkook knew all your deepest insecurities, and would exploit them to the fullest in order to to make you doubt taehyung’s commitment to you. 

he'd point out whenever other girls would talk to him. whenever taehyung would say he was too busy to see you. it would become the bane of his existence, making sure to catch taehyung slipping whenever he possibly could. he'd fill your head with wrong notions, reminding you all the reasons you felt you were undeserving of someone loving you.

then he'd recommend breaking up with him.

in the meantime he'd go around telling all your mutual friends that you still sleep with him even though you claim to be dating taehyung

taehyung may not believe it, but everyone else does. 

eventually they would start judging taehyung for being complacent or naive. saying that you’re taking advantage of him and getting away with cheating on him because you’re just that hot

despite how hard taehyung tries, it would eventually get to his head. he would blow up at you accidentally one day and you would start to think that maybe jungkook was right about taehyung being possessive. you weren't used to being in a relationship either. so you’d dump him then and there

jungkook would be overjoyed when you tell him, calling him in a mess of tears. he'd come over right away and take full advantage of your heartbreak & vulnerability. hold you tight. be the friend you knew and loved. the one you needed. 

sssh baby its okay. im here now aren’t i? everything will be okay. i got you.

you’d realize just how close he is, your lips would draw into him like a magnet. he’d make sure you kissed him first.

you’d want to give him everything, let him take complete control so that you could feel numb.

let me take away the pain baby. i can make it all go away. let me treat you right.

jungkook would then begin to fuck you sweetly. with care. getting into your emotional mind. filling you with love & adoration. making you feel wanted. making you feel beautiful. 

he has no idea what he’s missing out on. you’re a fucking goddess y/n. you’re the hottest girl in the entire world. you drive me crazy.

you realize that no matter how hard you tried to deny it you still had feelings for jungkook. you always would. 

this would overwhelm jungkook. he loves you too. but he’s afraid. afraid he’ll mess up and you’ll leave him. afraid that you’ll hurt him, get bored of him before he gets bored of you. he likes having to chase you. he likes the freedom of having you only when he’d like. he can’t be tied down, he can’t! its suffocating to think about. he doesn’t want what you and taehyung had.

he'd panic internally, but decide to entertain your feelings for the night if it would keep you this eager to please him and let him rail you repeatedly, all night long. however he wants.

god im fucking in love with you baby. i love you so much 

as he would push his cock deep inside you. he’d promise you love. friendship. the knowing comfort that you’d never ever be alone—you always had him. he was yours as long as you were his. 

you’re mine. all mine. don’t ever let anyone touch you again except me. im the only one. tell me im the only one. show me how much you need me.

he would fuck you over. and over. and over again. lips glued to one another. never parting as he pumped you full of his cum until you couldn’t even move. 

such a good fucking girl. so perfect for me. wanna fuck you just like this for the rest of my life

in the morning taehyung would show up begging for you to give him another chance. jungkook would answer the door in nothing but his boxers, telling taehyung everything he needed to know. 

once he would leave jungkook would grab your phone and block taehyungs number. he didn’t want to risk the two of you communicating and fixing your relationship.

he’d lie down, thinking about his actions as he watches you sleep. he couldn’t do it. he just couldn’t do it. he’d blink back tears of frustration, hating himself more for stealing something good from you—his best friend—for his own selfish needs. 

he wasn’t good enough for you. you deserved better. he recalled with a pang in his heart all the promises he made made while making love to you for so long last night. he was rotten, and he knew it. 

so when you you woke up. 

he was gone. 

a/n: basically he’d manage to get you back but then he would leave bc. he’s an asshole. IM SORRY HAAHAHA. theres a happy ending in the works ok dw. 

[ascending-sunsetbutterfly]

me, to anyone who defies the evil society and its leeches as well as their fear  of being discriminated when coming out:

[thegetoufather]

Ah sorry I don't usually do this but I wanted to ask some advice. I'm 18 and no one has ever liked me. Of course guys have wanted to have sex y'know but not be with me. I'm in college now for two months and I still haven't met the one, or any potential for that matter. I'm so sad about it, I know it's dumb but I always expected I would have some whirlwind romance in high school like in the movies, even most of my friends are currently with or have been with someone. I try not to be too upset about it because people always say I'm so young and I have time, but I feel like there's something wrong with me? Media makes it seem that girls can get anyone so easy but it hasn't happened so I started to think I'm really unattractive but I felt like I was just average looking. Sometimes I feel like I'll be one of those people that just never experiences love in their life. Idk I always get upset about this at 3 am maybe its the anxiety talking

hi bby!! i hope you dont mind that this is late i just wanted to give some thought to my response!

under a read more because i wrote a lot lmao

first off, lemme just say, im 22 in your exact same position. im done with college (undergrad at least) and never met 'the one', and with the way grad school is going, i dont think i'll meet the one here either.

and you know what, it took me a long ass time to reconcile with this but, that's completely ok!!

its hard as hell to keep believing that when everything around us, whether it be social media or movies, promotes the idea that we should be boo'd up now but, one thing that i keep telling myself is that just because it hasn't happened now, doesn't mean it will happen never, ya know?

another thing is that, immediate attraction has always been conflated with romance, when it honestly isn't always the case! i think with everything around us we get tricked into thinking that if we are immediately attractive to others we are loved, which is far from the case. most immediate attraction is shallow and based off of looks, which does not bode well in terms of long lasting stuff either, ya know? to get personal, im never the person that guys go after immediately when out with my friends, ive even been passed over right in front of me once someone saw my other friend, and while that did sting, it reflects more poorly on him for being so open about being shallow.

im sure you are far from unattractive! everyone on this earth has something that makes people gravitate towards them, and even if you don’t believe it, you do. 

someone not liking us is a reflection of them, not a reflection of who we are.

and another thing — its ok to be sad about it! its not dumb at all, its ok to want a relationship and yearn for that companionship. i think when we get to that point we want things that are the real deal so our filters of what we want from people increase — and in a world where hookup culture kinda created people who lie for sex, we start seeing even less and less potential amongst the bullshit we are surrounded by.

if this essay beforehand seemed more like me being a psychiatrist than advice i am sorry, ill say some more direct things that helped me now but, im gonna start by saying this: theres absolutely nothing wrong with you. we are all deserving of love, and if you truly want a companion, you will find it someday, that much is true.

im not gonna say you need to love yourself before someone else can love you bc thats not true either because we deserve love even in our low moments,

but what i am gonna say is what helped me through the periods of being alone is learning more about me and what keeps me happy. learning how to i deserve to be treated and treating myself on my own to those things. once i started doing that, being alone became easier because i had a clearer picture of what i wanted and knew that im setting forth the example of how i will be treated — and instantly started attracting people who were better for me as friends and so on.

and i have my off days too! i dont love myself all the time either, and i light my dumb lil candles in hope of an irl jean/eren to swoop and kiss me silly to make the pain go away. but its important to remember that it isnt forever.

you’ll find what you’re looking for someday, and dont settle for anything less. i wish you good luck nonnie, i hope this helps <3.

[acaciapines]

@mallowstep

woulda sent this as an ask but uh. moth ghost au wont leave my head and this got. long. hope ya dont mind i think about hawkfrost and mothwing A Lot.

under a cut bc. again. long.

bc see the thing is. if i were to do a moth ghost au. the kids are all young when she dies (at least, i think? idk their timeline, i’m assuming they’re like, 3-4 months, so, youngish), so it’s like...ghost sister? ghost sister. sasha cant see her because it’s no fun if she can, so we get hawk and tadpole, both who feel like they’ve killed their sister, both who are kids and cant deal with that grief. but like...moth is right there! she’s right there! she’s still their sister even if shes a ghost and as they get bigger and lose their kit-fluff she stays the same. she’s their sister.

but sasha....sasha just lost one of her kittens, nearly lost the other two, and now the remaining ones are talking to moth as though she’s still there? cats dont leave ghosts behind--cats aren’t trapped like that. humans are, sasha was a housecat and she’s seen how humans pace around their houses, but cats are sneaky lil guys. cats arent trapped to the earth like people are. cats die and leap into the sky and become the world.

moth isn’t stuck, moth is the world. so sasha tells her sons that their sister isn’t a ghost with them, but she’s the world around them--the prey and wind and sky.

hawk and tadpole look at each other, at their very-much-there ghost sister, and are like....yeah sure mom.

so we get a hawk and tadpole who refuse to let moth go. it’s hawk who clings to her the most, i think--he acts as though nothing happened, as though nobody drowned. tadpole is...starting to listen to their mom, a bit. he knows moth is there, but...should she be? nobody should be trapped like this. her spirit deserves to move on.

“we should help her,” tadpole says.

“she’s fine,” hawk says, “she’s right here, and she’s fine, and i’m not going to let you kill her again just because you have something against ghosts.”

and tadpole doesn’t ask again. he was the first one out out that basement.

eventually the kits end up in riverclan, and tadpole doesnt really talk about moth to anybody. like, he still acknowledges her, but only when they’re alone or it’s just hawk. hawk, on the other hand, doesn’t care! sure he’s like, 6 moons old, and moth is still stuck at 4, but! who! cares! and so while the clan teaches them their clan ways, teaches them about starclan, tadpole listens and he’s able to find some comfort in the idea. that theres a place his sister can go, can move on to. he’s always liked the stars. moth will, too.

but hawk...

well, the thing is, hawk’s not a clan cat. he’s got a clan name, now, he’s down a mother and he’s a very young kid staring up at these riverclan cats, but he’s nothing if not stubborn, and he’s clung to his sister thus far and he’s not about to give her up.

the clans dont think much of other religions. they tell hawk and tadpole that there’s no such thing as ghosts. dead cats go to starclan, and only clan cats, at that--your sister isn’t there, why would she be? she died a loner. but dont worry, now you’re here, in the clans, and when you die, you’ll be together in starclan.

“it’s stupid,” hawk says, to moth, alone in their den, “who cares about starclan? thats not mine, and its not yours. if you’re going anywhere it’s the wind, not the stars.”

“did you see that one thunderclan med cat apprentice at the gathering?” asks moth. “i thought she was pretty.”

“never change,” hawk says, fondly.

but he starts to think. as he starts to spend more and more time alone, with only moth for company. and moth is moth but she is...a ghost. she’s trapped. she doesn’t grow and change like a living cat does--at this point she doesnt even know why she’s still around. something about...drowning, maybe? it happened so long ago. she’s just happy to have her brother with her.

tadpole worries. hawk pushes him away. tadpole tells him they have to let their sister go. that they have to move on--that he loves moth too, and he misses her every day, but they’re clan cats, now. they have to be the best they can be, so nobody else is ever hurt again.

so i dont hurt anyone again, he doesnt say.

because tadpole doesn’t think moth’s ghost is around, either. he’s stopped seeing her. maybe he never did. maybe he was just a kid who lost his sister, who killed his sister, even if on accident. maybe he never was able to cope with that.

he wont see his sister in starclan. he probably wont see his mother, either. he doenst know what happens to loners. sasha told them, once. the wind and the sky and the leaves. becoming a part of the world, again. energy that can never truly die, just change shape.

but that was so long ago. he’s nearly a warrior, now. who remembers the stories they were told as kids?

anyways.

hawkpaw becomes the medicine cat.

he’s got two sets of beliefs rattling around in his head--starclan, everything the clans are telling him, and half-remembered stories from his mother, that moth remembers best of them all, forever trapped as a 4 moon old kit. and somewhere along the line these have been mashed together, into one big: starclan isnt letting moth in, because she died a loner. starclan wont ever let moth in but they’re going to take me when i die and i wont let them. i wont let them tear us apart.

it’s not easy. riverclan says he’d need a sign to become a medicine cat, but since when have the dead done that? they’re dead. moth is a ghost at his side, and she watches the flowers, and the bees, and remarks about thunderclan medicine cats that hawk can’t help but be begrudgingly fond of, if only for her. 

but he can do this. he has to.

hawkpaw fakes a sign. hawkpaw becomes medicine cat.

hawkpaw goes to the moonpool, and the stars tell him the same thing the clans do: there is no place for your sister here. our heavens are for worthy clan cats only.

hawk is still the villain here, just...in a different way. if this were a warriors book he’d be a villain flat-out, a med cat turning his back on starclan, who lied and cheated his way into this role, who never cared about anybody but his dead sister. but this isn’t a warriors book.

tadpole is the hero. hawk looks at the stars and tells them to their faces if you wont let my sister in, then i’ll make you regret it. i’ll show everyone that you’re nothing. that they worship cats that arent even ghosts. cats that are trapped. maybe youre wrong. maybe moth isnt the one youre keeping out. maybe shes the free one.

hawk plays the long game, though. gets his full name. learns medicines, how to heal.

how to harm.

moth watches him from the shadows. tells him kit-stories about rebirth.

the clans dont believe in that. hawk doesnt know what he is. he doesnt either.

theyre all trapped. thats what he believes.

he sets a trap for mudfur. a fox-trap down by the lake. then he, hawkfrost, will be the only link riverclan has to the stars, and he won’t listen to a word they say.

tadpole is the one to find out, to intervene before mudfur dies. to say hawk, you betrayed us all!

you betrayed me first, says hawk. me and moth both.

moth is dead! says tadpole. you can’t let her go!

you follow the words of the dead, says hawk in return, thats all the clans do. all mudfur did. he didnt want me to be his apprentice. he needed the dead to tell him what to do. what kind of life is that? and if you agree with what he did, how is it any different than me and moth? at least i know she’s real. that she’s our sister. the clans would let her die.

and so tadpole kills his brother with a stake through the heart.

he thinks he can see moth for a second. a flash against the blood.

hawk dies. he doesnt die a clan cat.

was it worth it? tadpole asks.

im going to be with moth, hawk says. youre going to go to starclan.

why dont you answer that question?

...

yeah thats my moth ghost au. is this anything? who knows! its certainly not in any way fleshed out, just the barest bones of an idea. i want leafpool to still get her ‘blood will spill blood’ prophecy--maybe she and hawk become friends, somewhere in there. who knows.

ghost moth man. fun to think about.

[thoughts-of-the-unheard]

oh nothing in a book has ever made me as angry as fucking pissed off as i am now about the end of chain of iron and i have a lot to say on it (i have more to say on the last few chapters of chain of iron than i did on the entirety of the folk of the air series)

ill start with being glad lucie was able to raise jesse but definite reylo vibes there and im ignoring the end of that so watch me ignore if lucie dies ill be like yea ya know shes just,,, somewhere else but i hated how many secrets she kept from fucking everyone i mean she didnt tell a single person the whole truth of anything shes got secrets on top of secrets and thats not good but hey matthews drinking isnt good either and no one but the lucie and cordelia ever really say anything about that so theres that and im not counting james’ you dont love anyone as much as you love that bottle or w/e he said bc that wasnt talking to him to try to help and get him to stop drinking that was just a hit bc they were fighting and i hate that i hate that they were fighting bc they wouldnt have been if it wasnt for that fucking bracelet and which has caused so many fucking problems that i could cry in indignation bc its not its not fucking fair james spent the last what three years of his life in a fog not being able to feel and not being able to notice his parabatai slowly spiraling into a drunken depression from something thats not his fault at all i mean yes it is his fault that his mother took the potion but it is not his fault that the baby died thats no ones fault but whoever sold him the potion and yea he shouldnt have bought it in the first place but he was kid and he thought that was the only way he could get the truth and its unfair its fucking unfair and alistair god alistair he knows what he did in school was wrong but he saw it as the only way and now hes trying to make up for it and apologise and be a better fucking person and thomas sees that and thomas loves him for that and alistair wont let himself be loved and its not fair and anna oh anna talk about not letting yourself be loved she put on such a good front she did but she shouldnt have ariadne loves her and wants to be with her fully with her but anna has to understand the stigma of that and why ariadne cant come out yet hell thats still a problem today but we wont get into that because anna clearly loves ariadne but shes too afraid of getting hurt again and frankly she should just go for it i mean so what if you get hurt again at least youll finally feel something because i know she feels nothing for all those other girls i know theyre just replacements for ariadne and it isnt fair and speaking    of   replacements    fucking grace fuck grace but fucking grace just casually destroying james life listen i dont give a shit how she grew up i couldnt care less about how tatiana treated her and how scared she was of her because if shed just fucking helped then she wouldnt have to worry about a damn thing from tatiana i mean theres a number of things grace couldve done she couldve told the merry thieves everything and they couldve defeated belial like they are now and then no one would be around to help tatiana and grace couldve told anyone in the clave about all of tatianas shit and then they wouldnt have underestimated her and she wouldve been in a proper prison and thus unable to escape so damn easily and thus not fucking able to get to grace okay shes a fucking idiot and i hate her and i hate reading about her and im fucking disappointed in her for not taking the damn bracelet off okay i had very fucking low standards for her but i hoped she would take the bracelet off and at the very least i thought she could fucking not manipulate him further like god damn girl james is a much nicer and understanding person than i am and he would try to protect her from tatiana if he knew that grace was being threatened by her if grace took the bracelet off and told him the truth he would help her i fully believe that but since he had to find out on his own he was furious as he should be but i dont think he had to be nice to her when she showed up at the end there i mean i wouldve just yanked her in the house and started yelling at her right there fuck pretending his still under that enchantment fuck talking to her in private okay id chew her out in the entryway its not like cordelia doesnt need to know she fucking does and i think her finding out by overhearing james arguing with grace is actually a fantastic way to find out because she gets to hear everything all of what james feels and all of what grace did completely unfiltered not that james would try to hide it from her but hed definitely try to soften the blow and i just think she needs to hear the whole truth and AND i really fucking hate when characters overhear only part of something and assume the worst and run away its so common and i hate it so much and i hate how she ran to matthews because i knew it was going to happen and i knew matthew was in love with her and that it was already straining their bond because no one fucking realised that james was madly fucking in love with cordelia because of that fucking bracelet have i mentioned have i mentioned how much that bracelet pisses me off i dont think i have lets get into it so how james was unable to feel properly for three years and how his head was so foggy he was unable to think properly too and how because of that he missed matthew becoming a drunk and how the merry thieves look to james as their leader so if james isnt saying anything about it then there must not be anything to say and how james was already in love with cordelia before the bracelet and thats part of why grace couldnt control him and how he loved her for years how he was in love with her for years how no one knew this not even him because everyone thought he was in love with grace how cordelia was in love with him but thought he was in love with grace how cordelia got married to him knowing she was in love with him and thinking he was in love with someone else how she could tell he wanted her but thinking he just wanted her body and that he was still in love with grace how she’d rather have some of him than none of him at all how he picked out everything in their house with cordelia in mind how he remembered that she loves chess and she never thought he would how he learned a whole other language for her how he immediately checks on her after every battle how everyone, especially cordelia, just writes all this off as who knows what because he cant be in love with cordelia if hes in love with grace and hes obviously in love with grace how no one could ever notice there was something wrong because they were feeling the effects too how james was so in love with cordelia that that love unintentionally broke an enchantment made specifically for james by a Prince Of Hell one of the most powerful beings the entire species will ever meet and i think that covers the gracelet situation but i keep thinking of the scene where the bracelet cracks when grace first went to curzon street and kissed james and james’ mind literally thinking it was cordelia because who else would he be kissing and afterward grace saying ‘i dont know who you think you were kissing, james herondale, but it wasnt me’ and im like damn right bitch get fucked but back to cordelia running to matthews okay i know she didnt know matthew was in love with her so she wasnt doing anything wrong going to him but i kept thinking they were going to kiss or something because we all know matthews in love with her and there were a bunch of hints that cordelia might be attracted to matthew and she was upset about james and i just kept thinking something bad would happen and i was right but shit i didnt think id be like that i had no idea matthew was leaving for paris and even less of an idea that cordelia would join him and the thing is i cant even be mad i cant blame her i would probably do the same thing hell id probably ask to go with and im very proud of her for saying she’d go If matthew stops drinking i really appreicate that and i hope he gets better but the all those misses how james left the house only minutes after cordelia and arrived at matthews only minutes after they left and how he could see them at the train station could see them getting on the train and leaving and leaving him behind because his sister is missing and he shouldve ran and caught them and begged them to stay if not just to help find lucie because they both think of lucie as a sister and they absolutely wouldve stayed to help her and then there would be the chance for james to explain the gracelet situation and everything would be fine it would fine eventually and everything would be okay but NO and ive said a lot but i havent even mentioned cordelia being a paladin for fucking lilith yet where did that come from i was not expecting that ill tell ya see i thought it was odd that wayland the smith would still be alive and that it wasnt mentioned in any of the other books and i thought it was odd that some apparently god-like blacksmith would be wearing such an elegant jeweled necklace and i thought it was odd that magnus would be back from the spiral labyrinth for just a day and would be staying with hypatia instead of ya know his own place but shit id never have put it together as one person let alone lilith and i cant say it came out of nowhere because it said that edom used to be liliths so it would make sense that she would want belial gone so she could have it back but still that was unexpected but im not disappointed i mean im obviously upset that cordelia is now pledged to the mother of demons and feels like she cant even touch a weapon speaking of which what did she do with cortana where did she put it she said she dealt with it which makes me nervous but we know she couldnt have broken it or anything a) because i dont think she physically can and b) emma has cortana later but i think cordelia should keep cortana close since its the only thing that can mortally would belial and apparently he only needs one more before something happens im guessing before hes like gone gone so she definitely needs cortana and lilith wants her to kill belial so i think she should and if shes stuck as liliths paladin after that and never wants to touch a weapon again so be it but get rid of belial first ya know anyway i think there was something else i wanted to say but i cant remember so if you read all of this holy shit im sorry thats a lot i hope it was entertaining at least and i hope i didnt also get you pissed off

[kyu-bri]

Magia Rapport pt 2

@magiarapport​

August 24th prompt: What was your favorite event, and why? Is it because of gameplay or the story?

It’s hard to choose so I’m gonna just, gush a bit.

As you can probably tell I’m very biased toward the OG girls, I started Magia Record primarily because PMMM had become my new obsession and I wanted some sort of constant flow of content out of decade old anime lmao.

But another thing I think I hooked onto was Inu Curry’s writing. They really know Madoka Magica and aren’t afraid to really play with them- something the writers for a spin-off gacha game (as with most spin-off stories honestly) can be scared to do. Inu Curry made references, revealed secrets and built upon the story we already know- which lets be honest is what we always truly want from a spin-off series. Magia Record proper does this well by putting more magical girls into the world and letting us see things work out better for them than for the original cast, but what I really appreciated with this story was getting to see that old original cast get to get in on that, and these events managed to do that without watering them down any.

Under the cut is me going on for 3000 words about why I love these three events I’m so sorry. TL;DR at the very end-

I’ll go in release order,

A La Carte Valentine was one of the first if not THE first event I got in on. I was eager to bc 1 Gay Magical Girl Shit Guaranteed. And ofc 2 OG Cast participation.

I want to preface by saying I actually loved all the girls’ stories in this. I was very much still in a state of getting used to Iroha’s gang let alone trying to care about the secondary girls. I knew Tsukasa had this angsty Twins Separated At Birth Deal and liked seeing her home life (also I immediantly stanned Take. Regular well-meaning dude who has no idea whats going on just trying his best and hating his boss). I knew nothing about Ami except Cowgirl Meguca and getting the bulk of her personality in one short even I think really kept me from being absolutely sick of her, she’s just a cute silly teenage girl who could be in literally anything and I was able to just endearingly giggle at that. Hinano managed to do the heterosexual unrequited crush cliché without me groaning or missing any of her regular personality. Also was there a Ren part? I don’t remember because everything Ren does feels like a Soft Yuri Valentines Special. Also I love Momoko. Ok moving on to what I Really wanna talk about.

Madoka is genuinely my Least Cared About of the Holy Sextet. I don’t think she’s bad or even boring- Madoka has a depth to her character, like, really deep- but that’s not something ever really touched upon by the fandom. Even when people like her and make her the Heroine she’s Supposed to be, it’s usually in the context of “Girl who feels nothing but kindness and happy thoughts would cut off her right hand to feed to a hungry dog. Isn’t she so Good????”. And honestly, while I understand the point it was going to make, I wasn’t crazy about her sacrifice in the end of the series. (Team Homura “Rebellion Is Good Actually” ftw) All because I think that I’m an Adult Woman watching this like “You are 14yrs old and need to be home playing Sims and not sacrificing yourself for the greater good you stupid silly little baby girl”

So my point is here near all fan content I encounter tends to emphasize whats sort of my least favorite facet of Madoka. I don’t think she made the ‘wrong’ decision in the context she and the story were given, but it’s still a sad thing to show a depressed(!!!) insecure girl resolving to give away her very existence so that every other girl on earth has a chance to just Dream. Oh and they still usually die young. But that’s ok because then she takes them and lets them sleep peacefully forever in her Heaven Basement (Yes I am bitter stan Homura I would yank this savior complex infant girl out the sky too)

MY POINT BEING (The servers closing let me BLEED OUT ALL MY FEELINGS) This event did not do that!!! It made Madoka…….. EVERYTHING SHE SHOULD BE??? ALWAYS??? Showed her HOW WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO VIEW HER??? (Read: Happy and Alive and Confident at no foreboding or sacrifice of anyone else!!!!)

She is Sassy and Surrounded By Friends and Really Funny??? And we get this Ridiculous Oh My God On Crack metaphor about her being this all-powerful apocalypse bringing being which is representing her love for the universe through her Witch form of Wanting Everyone To Be Happy And Safe With Her??? And she still risks herself to save everyone as is her Thing to do but we get to have her do it without erasing her existence as a human being at the end and if that is not some GOOD SHIT????

Ok next:

NGL Sayaka’s (fav character, inarguable best girl, can u not tell) parts in MagiReco til like the last arc have always left me a bit disappointed. She was the only late comer of the OG girls from what I understand and it kind of gives her the air of what a lot of the second(/thirdary?) girls suffer from. You can tell the writers can’t even figure out a trope to apply her to to make her easy and two dimensional to write about so they just don’t know what to do. They definitely try to make up for it (especially in the anime which Praise Be but that’s probably Inu Currys doing) but she’s still lacking like, any of the depth of her personality. Which, I guess I could anticipate. Because most of the fandom tends to as well. (again)

Gonna stop complaining and get on with- That didn’t feel as much the case in her Valentine event. Sure it was still the same formula of “The Issue Is Kyosuke” but that didn’t play out as grueling as her personal story did with “Nine Episodes Of “The Issue Is Kyosuke””

There was one big glaring heart-aching detail of “Mami isn’t really there because SHES IN A FUCKING CULT RIGHT NOW” which kind of jarred the event out of the ho-hum silly valentines sidestory these events usually keep up.

Sayaka has this crisis about Doing Anything Meaningful With Kyosuke which we all know what That’s calling back to, but in this environment we get to have Kyoko come right up and be in a position with her to earnestly and affectionately Push Her To Do It. The lonely little tsundere bitch girl pushes her Not Friend to Give The Bastard The Gotdamn Chocolate Already and for a moment you can only think about What If’s and If Only’s. Sayaka’s is still the weakest of the threes stories in this event but it worked harder to show us different sides of the characters then 6 chapters of Another Story managed to do.

And then there’s fucking Homura.

I will be, eternally grateful for Kuro. As a character that becomes metaphorical for the 2D ways we initially viewed the feathers and just NPCs in games in general, and also like, giving Homura a friend she actually cares about that isn’t the tangled dark web of Bullshit she’s gotten tied up with Madoka in. Please ask me about all my AU’s where Kuro is Homuras first girlfriend.

Seeing Moemura in Magia Record has always been a bit surreal, we never really understand just what stage of Trauma this Homura is in because Multiverses Are Hell, but this event gives us a good chunk of a Homura who still has hope and faith both in the world and Madoka. Theres this wonder to her that while still bogged down by terrible experiences still has the energy to be Trying. And she sees a girl who used to be like her- which when you think about it is probably what Madoka saw in her- and she wants to help. Because Madoka helped her. And Madoka is the best thing in the universe and maybe Homura can be just a little bit closer to that.

Kuro is too far gone though, as is the reality frequently in this series, things don’t work out just because of circumstance. Kuro was a bullied, insecure little girl who realistically shouldn’t have had to become a rampaging monster because of it. We’re reminded of this being the reality of the Madoka universe. Homura, is reminded of this reality. Homura loses this one chance to bring hope into the world like Madoka brought hope into hers.

And then her story ties into the ending of Madoka’s. Madoka saves her life yet again, even as Homura continues to feel miserable and empty. But at least Madoka is with her. The girls then share a quiet, intimate Valentines together. And you sort of understand how Homura fell so far into the darkness that the only thing she was able to still care about and fight for was Madoka’s safety.

That shit slaps. It slaps you right in the heart and causes fucking bruising but then u want it to do it again because you’re masochistic and Meguca Is Suffering.

Anyway I hope Kuroe slaps our hearts more in season2

MOVING ON!!!!

~Nagisa’s Wish~

Ok, I don’t remember what got me so simp over Nagisa, I think it was the heart-aching irony that Mami adopts the witch that fucking ate her. But that is my baby now and I’d die for her. Fandom Charlotte whose pink and silly and loves her mom and is Mami’s cancer-riddled girlfriend is cool and all but she isn’t a tiny Halloweeny baby whose fucking bitter angry and manically obsessed with cheese due to PTSD.

I had saw a summary of Nagisa’s Wish reposted just to quickly explain Nagisa’s backstory, and as such immediately had to search out if that crazy ride was true- so I actually watched this whole event probably before I downloaded the game. It was surreal on its own but replaying it when it came to NA didn’t lessen it any- I got to process more of what I was witnessing and as result stanned Yu pretty hard.

I guess to explain my Emotions here, saving Yu for later- calls for me to just, describe who Nagisa is as a human being and my headcanons surrounding it all with what this event gave us. Whether you consider it canon or not it’s one version of events that we were given and that I am all for accepting.

Nagisa’s Mom was a celebrity, she could have been an actress though I also like the idea of her being an Idol. She met Nagisa’s Dad oh-so romantically and got knocked up- they very well could have been married but it doesn’t seem clear enough. He seems to have left too suddenly for legal matters like that. Nagisa is approximately 11, and while she seems to remember her Father, she doesn’t in the sense of having had a relationship with him or any feelings. Her Mother has to “explain” why he left, so Nagisa was probably still young even if not a baby. What I’m getting at here is the timeline for when Nagisa’s Mom Got Like That. Nagisa can remember her from before she was, and then says that she got sick after her Dad left. So what I’m wondering is did Daddy Momoe ruin this young rich girls life, give her syphilis and then leave her with a baby she was unfit to care for in poverty? I know half of this is running on anime logic but Holy Shit all the possible ways reasons and ideas for why things could’ve gotten This Bad.

Is it ridiculously dark and edgy that the original story we were given was “Girl wishes her dying mother could have her favorite cake but then realizes OOPSIE-DAISY I could have wished for her to Not Die instead!!!!” got turned into “11yr old hates her abusive mother so much she wants to make her suffer in the most symbolic way she can and then goes mental when she isn’t able to do it”??? Yes. But if I had the mental capacity to I have to admit I was in a position to be just as bitter at that age too. I can’t call it unrealistic. I may infact be projecting hard with how much I support and enjoy this backstory.

Anyway Nagisa was in such a state of trauma and distress at a horrifically young age when she died that it broke her mental faculties so severely that even when she came back as a literal Angel of God she had blocked it out so deeply and thoroughly she seemingly regressed to an even younger capacity and hyperfixated on the trait that she has before used to try to bond with her Mother who she had died hating.

And that also slaps u right in the heart.

A N D T H E N !

~Beachside Bonds~

Just the simple structure of this story was so enjoyable and nicely done. We finally get to see the OG girls in a context we wouldn’t be able to in literally any other scenario. They’re going on a summer vacation together and Homura is sentimentally journaling every single second of it. Is this mayhaps because she’s never gotten to be this happy and blissful with these girls she loves so much??? Of course this is are you not paying attention what the fuck. Homura is so optimistic and healed and hopeful she’s acting like what she might actually be doing as a normal teenage girl. (A heartrending contrast to the end of her Valentines Special)

We get nothing short of pure fluffy Slice Of Life shenanigans on the beach which even includes a bunch of the Kamihama girls that the OG crew knows! And they talk about it! And introduce eachother! And their friends commentate on it! Ren gets to see Kyoko Not Being A Bitch and then Sayaka teases her about having made friends and oh my god my heart is turning into cottoncandy as we speak Mom holy FUCK

Sayaka’s existence fucking matters in this story! It’s her families Hotel they’re staying at and she has relationships and memories with the creepy twins that live there and she talks like a fucking person??? And gives opinions??? That aren’t just copypasted “Justice is Good and Bad things are BAD!!!!”

Mami is fresh out of her fucking Cult Drama and she’s still trying to be cool Senpai but then she DECKS Homura in the face and gets scared by the ghost stories and then turns into pudding and waxes nostalgia at Kyoko out of nowhere IT’S ALMOST LIKE SHE’S A FIFTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL????????

G H O S T S ? ? ? ?

Y U ! ? ! ? ! ? !

(IS G A Y ! ! ! !)

This whole fucking backstory and truly horrifying Romeo and Juliet on Acid love and death story between Yu and her girlfriend and like if I wasn’t fascinated enough by Yu just being the creepy organ harvester before but apparently thats what she became after she literally made some sort of wish that erased all of her memories besides the nickname her sweetheart used for her and coincidentally also added to her the task of killing all Bad People?????

Yu made a wish to be able to get rid of All Bad People preserving the innocent version of herself who grew up with this girl and it was right after a failed double suicide attempt on fucking Doomed Lovers Cliff fucking Lifetime Will You Ever.

It then pairs with Homura whose PTSD gets to shine through a bit in being unable to believe any bad sort of Madoka which how could you try to force her to at this point while Also pairing Homura with Ren in the “Gay Love Saved Our Lives: Traumatized vers & Vanilla vers”

I don’t remember if there was a symbolic finale and tbh I have forgotten a lot of the details with Yu and her girlfriend Whatsherface because that shit was just so shocking and bizarre to read and much too painful to reread in a timely fashion just.

That shit hurted but it was full of so much love and hope both doomed and stolen but still was wrapped up in the comforting concept that This Is The Universe Where Homura Gets To Be Okay This Time.

She’s still scarred beyond comprehension and this ghost drama accentuated it all but at the end of the day this is still the Safe Universe where all of them are alive and the Holy Quintet are friends and they’re all going to be okay (Godoka & Aniplex willing) and so many of us love Madoka Magica because it shows girls fighting through the same pain we’ve been through and keeping their hope alive and here we get to see them actually find peace in a clunkily written fanservicey spin-off mobile gacha game and hey, that made me happy while I got to experience it. Thanks for the ideas and memories and tragic backstories and funny thirdary characters MagiReco I’m gonna take em all and Run.

Akjsladbfalkjfsbslk If you read this all without getting a migraine or blocking me ily thanks for listening!!!!!!

TL;DR

Me likey A La Carte Valentine bc it’s silly and gay and I simp Kuro

Me likey Nagisa’s Wish bc sawft baby is good and so are Tragic Edgy Backstories

Me likey Beachside Bonds bc Gay Ghosts and Our Girls Finally Get To Be Happy Peaceful(ish) Teenage Girls and that’s all I want for them ;w;

Reeses In Pieces ya’ll

1Ten 2More 3Words 4To 5Hit 6(3000 7Words 8Woo 9Boy 10Howdy

[mykpopconfession]

when kpop idols leave/step down/get kicked out only then do fans show how much they care when they desperately want their faves to be back… grow up. also they dont see how restricting the industry actually is and how much is really put into being an idol more than any western artist thats for sure, so i dont think fans fully appreciate their idols unless something happens to them then they suddenly matter more than their own sanity, dignity and self worth put together. its also like fans either arent satisfied enough with who the idols are so they keep wanting, needing and asking for more from them this is probably what happened to jennie & her “lazy scandal” its ridiculous, if idols have so much on their plate are working tirelessly to please the unappreciative fans, but then the fans criticise or scrutinise idols for just being freaking humans its scarily unhealthy both for the idols and the fans to be like that to them

dont put the same standard on someone else that you wouldn’t put on yourselves. i actually want bts to either step down from the lime light, join the military to do whatever the fck they want, date, marry, have kids so the fans will shut up for once about “their precious boys” bc no one can hate them, not a single soul can say crap about them

its creepy and borderline stalker like behaviour how “protective” they are over someone that they dont know and the likely hood of bts knowing them is slim so i dont get half the fans behaviours both online and in real life towards the members

bring your arse back down to reality for the love of god your life does not centre and isn’t defined by these 7 guys or any idol for that matter alone… surely one of them has got to leave soon enough and im sure more idols will, only time will tell. i wish they would’ve took the break in 2018 or whenever it was. fans dont even care to admit how fed up the idols probably feel from dealing with their own fanbase or having to give so much to the fans and have little energy for themselves

i was chatting to a friend awhile back, i kinda drifted away from because she was a lil like this, made bts her kinda obsession and even when we talked about their new music which im a fan of to some extent but i commented that i didnt like the recent songs all i got back was dont say that about bts… we’re both the same age and she seemed so mature but kinda got in her head that i was “attacking” bts for simply not liking every song they did. wow if thats what this humanity have come to then im glad im not like that

its simply fine to not fully be a fan, in fact it actually makes me enjoy and appreciate them more without the attachments to the members because to me they’re just some cool artists i enjoy but to others its like they centre their whole life around them to the point they forget to have interest in their own life, its become a complete distortion of their own reality since so much love and happiness is projected into 7 guys they wont ever know personally so when it comes to not being a fan or when a member leaves/gets kicked out its like suddenly the worst thing ever to the fans but i’d say it is how it is with any music industry, there’s rules to follow, contracts to abide by, they chose to be idols and become artists therefore it doesnt matter who they are but theres going to be some form of backlash or fall out and no amount of whining, pleading to the companies is going to change that

rules and guidelines are there for reasons u dont just go and break them when it could potentially ruin the image of the company / staff etc, theres so much more at stake than just the idols reputation when scandals happen cause theres much more to it than just ur “biases” alone… production teams, merchandisers, all these staff members that work tirelessly for them too could be put back bc of an idol deciding to act out of the normal or break some rules, do something they shouldn’t

sometimes its just for the better tbh, they can focus purely on themselves and regain their own freedom and rights rather than owing so much to the fans or the company. tbh i bet the idols get to a point where they’re like nope this is enough, does something *wrong* just to deliberately get out of the industry. cause surely they’re aware of what they do and what the rules, regulations must follow with being an idol. therefore they wouldnt deliberately go against it if they werent trying to get out or had enough of it. theres always going to be some type of fall out but stop acting like it affects you more than the idol when it has nothing to do with yourselves, you’re merely someone who enjoys them but so many care too deeply about it, plus its all legally done now u cant just up and out as u please so for idols to make that choice its not easy on them or the company they’re with

also what is with fans not allowing kpop idols to be truly themselves but when it happens to the likes of hyuna, woojin suddenly its considered okay after awhile it calms down but when it happens fans lose their dignity and self worth over something as minor as an idol leaving/being kicked out… theres probably a lot worse going on rn than what we see on the surface you all can be hypocritical or bashful of anyone you like, the company, the idols, the groups or you can simply accept that sometimes your faves arent who they appear to be, i know its a shocker to me too but what you see on camera is not what you get off camera, stop living like you know them, stop trying to protect and defend them for everything. live your own damn lives and focus on yourselves more than anything while still enjoying what you like but not to that ridiculous extent that its become… sadly

[originalbnhascenarios]

class 1a reacting to finding out that yn/n's mom is a villain? like, y/n is out on a jog and the class is watching the news when theres breaking news of an s class villain spreading havoc? one of them points out it sorta looks like y/n bc of the hair and skin, but no one really thinks ab it until they say that the villains name is m/n l/n. y/n gets a text from her dad saying she has to see the news (NOW) and when she gets to the dorm... what happens??

Did I just write for 18 students?

Yes.

Do I regret it?

No.

class 1a reacting to finding out that reader's mom is a villain

M/N- mother's name

L/N-(your) last name

Y/N- Your name

Like every other day you went out to jog for a while. Every other of your classmates stayed at the dominatory and did their thing...

Untill news popped up most of them looked at it and noticed how familiar the villain looked...

The one to speak up about it was Sero "Hey... Doesn't she look a little like Y/N?" some people agreed some didn't care and few thought it was just a coincidence.

That is untill the identity of the villain wasn't revealed... M/N L/N.

It all happened when you were heading back but your jog changed into run when you saw the news.

When you got back you saw that everyone was watching the news and also everyone noticed that you entered.

You couldn't take it and ran to your dorm locking the door.

Almost everyone became worried but only one person could go and talk to you...

Eijiro Kirishima

He was shocked at the news and he knew you probably felt horrible and thought that everyone hated you now.

It was up to him to help you! You two were close friends and he just couldn't stand thinking of how you must feel right now.

So before anyone could even protest Kirishima was in front of your doors and started knocking and calling your name "Y/N open the door please! I just want to talk! I'm really worried about you!"

And after few minutes of your inside debate whether you should do it or not you let him in. Before that you tried to hide the fact that you were crying of course but it didn't work.

The two of you sat down on your bed and he spread his arms inviting you for a hug. Wich you gladly accepted.

"You know Y/N that I wouldn't stop being friends with you only becouse your mom is a villain. If anyone else has a problem with it I will defend you!"

Then he tried to cheer you up by making you laugh. If it whouldn't work and you are ticklish... You probably know already where this is going.

Tsuyu Asui

She felt heartbroken to see her friend run away from the group like this. And she knew that you needed someone to talk this out with so she was probably the best person who could help you at this point.

She calmly approached your room and knocked gently "Y/N can we talk please kiro?". You didn't knew what you should do and your body moved on your own as you let her inside.

You two had very honest and long conversation. She understood you well and did whatever it took to bring back your smile. If you needed it she gave you a hug.

"You know that if someone really thought of you less just because your family member was a villain I think they aren't worth bothering kiro"

Fumikage Tokoyami

When you ran towards your room he saw your expression and he knew immediately how you felt... Like an outcast and someone who doesn't belong.

He went to talk to you but before he knocked he thought what he wanted to say first.

At first you didn't wanted to let him in wich he didn't blame you for. However he informed you that he was going to wait until you were ready to let him in.

After some time you got yourself together but you were a bit surprised to see him actually waiting when you opened the door.

You told him few stuff about your mother and how you wished nobody knew. He listened to your words carefully and tried to help.

"It's a bit pointless to worry about what others think. From what I have seen everyone only worries about you so you don't need to think they like you any less after seeing what happened"

Minorou Mineta

He knew he'd probably make things just worse since he isn't too good with words but you are someone he wants to consider a friend and there is no way he'd let you feel this bad.

Many people protested against him going but he really wanted to so while everyone talked about it he sneaked past them and was in front of you doors.

He begged you to let him inside and it really took long before you agreed.

Too bad he didn't think it through- he wanted to help you but he didn't know how so he asked how you felt about this all and you just started at him raising your eyebrow thanks to wich he realized how dumb his question was.

"Look Y/N I'm not best at this stuff but I know for sure that everyone is here for you. I think you are really cool and your mom being a villain doesn't change anything!"

He really tried to cheer you up in his own way but it was nice of him to try. In the end you didn't felt as shitty.

Denki Kaminari

You two were close friends and it was his main motive to go. So he convinced others to let him help you.

There was a great start really you argued over the door and he tried to explain everything to you that everything is going to be fine in the end.

You didn't believe it and so he continued.

"Man you are way too stubborn! We just want to help you. I get it it's hard for you but please let's just talk! I'm sure you won't regret it!"

You didn't respond to him and he began to lose hope so he decided to just let the feelings out "You know you are brave right? I mean I whould be scared to pick a dream that whould put me against my family. I always admired your determination and now I see how hard things really are for you. I might not understand exactly how it is and I probably never will but just let me show you that things will get better!"

After another seconds of your silence he sighed and gave up. As he was walking away you opened the door wich caused him to turn around. He saw your slight smile and he returned it with a big one.

Yuga Aoyama

The second he saw your expression his usual smile disappeared from his face.

Before you know it he was asking you to let him in. He was worried about you and it was no secret.

He managed to get you to come out and as soon as you did he gave you a hug.

"You are a star Y/N and nothing will stop you from shining"

He listened to everything you had to say and he tried to understand how you feel.

Tenya Iida

He thought it was quite selfish of him but he really wanted to be the one to help you.

So he begged the rest of the class to let him and they agreed thankfully.

He was really serious as he approached your doors and knocked "Y/N will you please let me inside?" you didn't wanted to see anyone at the moment and told him to go away "I understand... But you can't just shut yourself in" he was really worried.

After shorter debate you decide to give in and he was happy but his face still showed very serious expression.

Since you two are good friends you decided to tell him your story and how you hoped to avoid this situation.

He listened to each word you said and paid his full attention to you. And he gave a proper response to why you shouldn't worry about things you are anxious about.

Afterwards he suggested that you should go and explain everything to the rest but he understood if you said no.

Momo Yaoyorozu

When Momo politely asked if she could cheer you up as she explained how worried she was there was no bigger protest.

She gently knocked and asked if she could come in. If you didn't agree she whould try to convince you.

And after you let her inside she saw that you were crying so she used her quirk to create a tissue for you.

The two of you had really emotional conversation and Momo thought how horrible things are for you right now making her tear up as well.

"You are so strong" she said after hearing your whole story "You went through so much and yet you are here" she gave you a hug and let out even more words of appreciation.

Mezo Shoji

Of course he was worried. Everyone was. But Shoji was the one who probably wanted to help you the most.

So after he managed to get others approval he got quickly in front of your room but before knocking he tried to listen what was going on in your room.

When he heard sobbing he asked if you were okay from the other side of the doors and you told him to leave you alone.

But if you think that he whould give up you were wrong. He told you that he was going to wait there until you will feel like you need help. Wich was pretty long but he could wait.

When you decided that you really needed someone you opened the door and he was super glad that you admitted that you wanted and needed help.

He noticed how stressed you looked so he offered you a hug wich you gladly took.

His hugs were allways the best and very comforting. In his embrace you felt safe though it was kind of akward but you didn't care.

When you calmed down you two talked this out and it really helped you.

Masahiro Oijiro

While he did think he wasn't going to help much you still were really close friends and maybe you whould listen to him.

So that's why he was now trying to convince you to get out. You didn't wanted to so he didn't force you to.

He told you that if you needed someone to talk to about this matter he's there for you. So you could call him to come or go to his dorm or just send a text any form of communication was fine by him.

So he left and waited for you to say something. He was really worried but you probably rather gathering your thoughts first and he didn't mind it at all.

So when you finally decided to talk to him he was beyond relieved. First he asked of course if you were okay etc. Then he provided you with moral support.

Mina Ashido

When she saw you running away from the rest and others started the debate she was lowkey annoyed and said that she's going to go to you now.

She tried to catch up with you but your doors were alredy locked. She begged you to open it and let her in but you weren't listening.

So she started saying things like "I'll destroy it with my acid and let myself in then" but you knew she wasn't going to-

She got inside.

Your doors were destroyed "Sorry I'll fix them I promise but I really worry about you and hell like I'll leave you alone in situation like this" she said as she hugged you.

You were a bit stubborn but Mina was your close friend so you opened up about this situation.

She couldn't belive that things were even worse than she thought "I know it's now very bad that your mom is a villain but she doesn't defy who you are! You are your own person and if anyone thinks otherwise they are an idiot who shouldn't be even able to speak!"

Afterwards she tried to spend as much time with you as she could trying to help you get your mind off it.

Hanta Sero

He was really confused by this situation not gonna lie. Even though he felt like the villain looked similar and was the one to bring it up he still doesn't believe it's your mom.

The two of you were pretty close so it kinda hurt him that you didn't trust him enough to say it but he understood it too.

But now what he felt wasn't important! You were suffering and someone needed to cheer you up!

And that someone had to be him so he just went when he saw a chance.

He knocked and before he said anything you told him to leave you alone wich made him think how he was going to help you.

So he just sighed knowing how stubborn you sometimes can be but he still tried to trick you into letting him in.

He succeeded and he tried to cheer you up mostly by getting your mind off the topic.

Toru Hagakure

She actually ran after you and nobody noticed. So when you heard her voice when you were almost there you ran faster and shut your door almost instantly.

She pouted at the fact "Y/N! Don't lock yourself! We're all here to help you!"

She was pretty sad that you didn't wanted to receive any help but few seconds later you decided to let her inside and she hugged you immediately after seeing your face.

You told her your story and she listened to it closely. Her advices were actually pretty good.

Todoroki Shoto

He knew exactly how you felt... At lest if his assumption was right that you just didn't wanted to have anything to do with M/N.

So he managed to convince others before he went to you since he wanted to talk alone.

When he was there and knocked you immediately told him to go away.

"I can't do that. I won't let you feel like you are alone in this. I know how it is to have a relative that you don't want anyone to know you are related to"

In your head you were stubborn to not let him inside but your body moved on its own and so you opened the door.

You two talked for a while and he understood you a bit too well. So based on his experience he tried to give you an advice even though he didn't knew how to put it in words.

Kyoka Jiro

She was very stubborn to go so she just went there and if anyone tried to stop her... Well it was obvious what she did.

When you didn't wanted to let her in your room she started playing some calm music quietly. She hoped it could help you but it just reminded you that she was very much still there waiting for you.

It was obvious that she was worried. I mean you two are best friends so it's pretty obvious that she whould wait.

When you finally let her inside you didn't expect her to scold you "What are you doing Y/N? Everyone worries about you and you just shut yourself in?"

She understood why whould you did that but it doesn't mean that she approves it.

Then she apologized for scolding you but she really was worried. So you explained it to her.

She told you that if you ever felt bad because of your mother (whether it is out of worry or hate) she's there for you.

Ochako Uraraka

While she might not be someone to give you a smart advice she definitely can lift your spirits up.

However once she was actually getting near your room she felt really nervous and all her ideas just washed away.

But it didn't matter! You were her friend and on this matter it's better to speak about how you feel... Right?

Either way it was what she did. Even though you didn't let her in you had that conversation and it actually felt like she was next to you.

Izuku Midoriya

You never said anything about your family... Now he knows why.

I mean sure there are many reasons but the fact that your mom is a villain is probably the big thing.

He didn't feel anyhow betrayed that you lied since it was understandable. After all it wasn't something anyone whould admit probably.

He didn't even realize that people were trying to think of who should go and he just went there himself as he thought of a way to cheer you up.

Izuku pretty much knew that it wasn't going to be easy and that you probably whouldn't let him in quickly either but he didn't give up.

Trying to reason with you he tried to get you to at least tell him what you are worried about.

Since he didn't wanted to assume what's your problem and he managed to get you to talk. Afterwards you had calm conversation about your worries but he still was outside while you were locked inside your room.

Bakugo Katsuki

He didn't take no as an answer and went to you right away. There was no time to waste and he sure won't lose it.

When you didn't wanted to let him in he yelled that he will blow up the door if you won't do so and fired one explosion as a warning.

You were annoyed by this but you knew that he whould pretty much destroy your doors without hesitation so you just let him inside.

"Dammit Y/N get yourself together instead of making a fool out of yourself. It is hard for you I know but you need to fight it instead of running"

You never thought that his scolding whould have any sense but you let him continue.

You were his friend and heck like he whould let you feel shitty about something you have no control over.

~Mod Tsuyu

[ihaventspokenyet]

Nothing A Little Red Lipstick Can’t Solve (Mando x Reader)

Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: language, flirting, suggestive language (no actual intercourse), drinking, make-out (kinda?), reader insert (idk if that’s a warning), this was made and edited around 4 am soooooo yeah

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the mentioned characters from, “The Mandalorian”. I do not own you and have no affiliation with Disney, Disney Plus, or The Mandalorian. This is simply a fan fiction story.

A/N: It’s like 4 am and I just needed to get this out of my system. It’s not like super smutty, but I’ve been dying to write about Mando for some time and just needed to post something. Please leave back constructive criticism if you can and I hope this isn’t too bad. ALSO this is a repost bc it wasn’t showing up in the tags

—

The yearly ball was being thrown and everyone who was somebody or extremely wealthy would be there. Famous across the galaxy for being lavish and full of women and men who held a high status in their planets, it was only accessible via an invite or through connections. Your father had been a contributor for the event since you could remember, so he and his family were always welcome at the event; however, you were never really one for a crowded dance floor full of sweaty bodies and girls who acted a little too helpless in hopes of luring in a sugar daddy. But this week was different, you had been stuck inside your home with little entertainment due to a security breach and your father wanted to ensure his families safety. You were antsy and deprived of your fun for far too long so you decided a night of messing with the hearts of “pretty boys” who only wanted to get in your pants would be great entertainment for your dull week.

So here you are, preparing with your friend ,Seliah, since you didn’t want to be alone all night. Deciding to dress less flashy than most, you opted for a long pale pastel-blue satin dress with a slightly slightly plunged neckline and a slit in the middle starting from just above your knees. You decorated your outfit with a white shawl that hung just below your shoulders, nude heels, and a deep red lip.

Looking at yourself in the mirror and satisfied with your appearance, you made your way to the ball. The evening began a little hectic as men and some women swarmed you for pictures, a chance to engage with someone of such a high profile, or in attempts to pursued you into participating in lewd activities.

After successfully shooing everyone away, you had settled down to talk with Seliah and decided to order a drink in hopes of replacing the boredom with a little booze. You had noticed a handsome young man eyeing her all night and–deciding to be a good friend, encouraged her to talk to him--but now you were completely and utterly drenched in boredom.

A metallic glint caught your attention and you were surprised to see a fellow (or perhaps toned lady?) decked out in beskar, extremely unfitting of the occasion. Surprised you didn’t see him sooner and pleased to see such a change in pace in this type of event, you smirked to yourself; you smelled adventure. This person was either important, intimidated their way in, or had manage to gain entry by lying. A tingle ran down your spine, boy were you feeling mischievous at thought of stirring up some trouble with the helmeted being. Downing the last of your drink and re-applying your lipstick, you sauntered your way over to the Mandalorian.

“I have to say, I absolutely love the way you’re dressed. Very fitting for the occasion,” you purred and slipped into the chair next to them.

The person snorted and, although slightly distorted by the modulator, sounded like a man.

“Man of few words huh? You don’t see many Mandalorians often, especially not here. I’m guessing you’re here to stir up some trouble,” you speculated.

“You’re Aldone L/N’s daughter. It’s a surprise to see you at an event like this.” He finally spoke up, turning his head to look at you.

“So I was right, there’s no way you’re a casual attendee would pay attention to me,” you smirked. “So what’re you here for? Let me guess, one of these assholes got themselves into trouble and managed to get a bounty on their head?” you questioned.

“I have no business with you. I suggest you turn away before you get yourself into trouble,” he responded, looking back at his untouched drink.

You chuckled and leaned in close to his helmet, “That may work on anyone else, but I’m sure you know that if you tried to lay as much as a finger on me, my father would put a bounty on your head and that would risk your little operation.” You speculated in a hushed tone, “Am I wrong?”

“What do you want?” He finally asked, standing to look at you and clearly readying himself to leave.

“I want in on whatever you’re going to pull tonight.. You can’t deny that I would be a beneficial ally.” you proposed, standing in an attempt to match his demeanor but he was much taller, despite your heals.

“What do you gain from helping me?” He asked, puzzled and hesitant to believe that the daughter of a powerful man who he was going to rob from would help him.

You grinned, with mischief was prominent in your eyes, ”to ruin the fun of all the dirty bastards here and to minorly inconvenience ‘daddy’s’ event… also, why would I miss the chance at fun night with a Mandalorian?”

“Fine. But if you try to sell me out-” he started.

“Yeah yeah big guy, i’ve heard it all,” you shushed him and took a sip of his drink.

He had hesitantly explained part of the plan and omitted any specific information; grab some documents that held information regarding someone he had captures (can you guess who? ). The hardest part would be making your way up with such a flashy man.

“Follow my lead.” you whispered to him, grabbing his hand and placing a flirty smile on your face.

He definitely didn’t trust you yet, so he was hesitant to follow you and he wasn’t one for physical touch; you were only slightly overstepping his boundaries. Your sudden grasp of his (armored) hand threw him off. If the touching wasn’t enough, he definitely didn’t expect whatever the hell you were going to do next.

“Ma’am nobody is allowed to-” a guard had attempted to stop you, but you flashed a pass.

“I have special access. And I just want a room, if you catch my drift.” you said flashing Mando a flirty look.

The guard became embarrassed and uncomfortable at your insinuation.

“Ye-Yes ma’am,” he stuttered, stepping aside.

You pulled the Mandalorian up the stairs and he followed closely, albeit a bit flustered at your actions--he’d never admit it though.

“Didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable there. It’s just that stuff like that makes people more vulnerable to persuasion,” you threw him a smile.

You turned a few hallways and finally made your way to the one that held the papers. This hallway was forbidden, even for you, so you’d have to be extra careful. You heard a guard approaching so you quickly messed up your hair and wrapped Mando’s hand across your waist.

Leaning in close, you whispered a quick, “Take me to a room, I’m drunk.”

He thankfully got the message and gave a curt nod.

“Hey! You can’t be here!” An armed guard made his way to you both.

“Mr. Aldones daughter needs a place to sober up, we’re just looking for a room.” he spoke as you acted like the best damn drunk you could concur up from (many) passed experiences.

“This is a forbidden area.” He cautioned.

You immediately pretended to cry, “Don’t yell at me! I’m going to tell daddy you’re being insabordinate!” You slurred and hiccupped.

“Nice going, you made the girl cry,” the Mandalorian spoke up. You could hear the slightest hint of amusement from him.

“No I-I didn’t mean to- Please don’t tell your father,” he begged.

“I’ll make sure she keeps quiet, but you should get out of here. You know what her father would do to someone who makes his daughter upset, don’t you?” Mando warned.

The guard nodded and thanked Mando before running off.

“You don’t seem like the type that would act so well.” You replied, wiping a bit of mascara and loose tears from your eyes.

You took out your key and fiddled with the lock.

“Shit..” you mumbled. This lock was reinforced much better than the rest, “I can’t-”

“Move aside,” Mando spoke.

Pressing some buttons on his wrist cuff, the Mandalorian successfully shot the lock. He entered quickly and looked through the papers inside. He found a locked box hidden between a messy pile of books and smashed it with his fists. The grunt he let out from the power of his punch caused a shock to course through your body and your thighs to clench.

“I got it-” he was cut off by a screeching alarm.

“Shitshitshit..” your eyes widened with  genuine fear of being caught filled your body.

You must’ve been blinded by your want of fun because you genuinely didn’t think about the consequences of being caught. Mando quickly took your wrist and ran down to the hall into the nearest bathroom.

“Okayokay, it’s fine this is fine,” you breathed, beginning to hyperventilate.

You liked to cause chaos, but you might’ve gone too far this time; why was this document so important? If you survived this, you were never coming here again. Suddenly, an idea popped into your mind (definitely not a good one, but it was really your only chance of running free).

“I got it!” you yelled, digging through your purse for your dark red lipstick, “if there’s one thing i’ve learned from years of fucking around, it’s that theres nothing a red lipstick can’t solve.” you said while you pulled out the delicate tube.

Quickly leaning over the mirror, you applied a coat of the silky crimson color and then smeared it with your hand. You went to apply a second coat and then turned to face him.

“Not to sound thirsty, but we have to make out so they think we’re doing it.. and I know the faces of Mandalorians can’t be seen so you’ll have to give me some marks as proof, I can wrap my eyes with this shawl” You spoke urgently, but awkwardly.

He seemed to stare at you through his visor for a good minute, likely looking for an alternative to making out. You began to feel small under his gaze, maybe the idea was THAT terrible and he was rethinking his alliance with you? You hoped he wouldn’t think you’re too strange after this. The bounty hunter tried to think of an alternative, coming up with nothing, he sighed and went to lock the door and shut the lights.

“Turn around and close your eyes,” he ordered, waiting for you to comply.

You hesitantly turned your back to him and heard the sound of something popping off and then hissing. You won’t lie, the authority in his voice was very… alluring. You felt a heavy pressure over your head, before realizing he was sliding the helmet onto your head and your vision was purely black.

“… I’m sorry about this..” He spoke, seeming genuinely apologetic.

“No worries cowboy, you’re not the worst person I could be stuck doing this with,” you joked, hoping to ease his tension, “in fact, your voice tells me you’re a real looker,” you teased.

Snorting, he held your hip and hesitantly dove for your neck. All he needed to do was leave two or three marks so it would be believable. Your breathe hitched as he began running his lips over your throat. Biting your lip and gripping his shoulder, you forced yourself to swallow gasps he gently coaxed reddish-purple bruises to the surface with his lips; you didn’t want to seem too eager.

“They won’t think anything’s happening if you don’t make noise,” He warned with an even voice, only slightly breathless from his actions.

Was he unfazed by all of this? Here you were struggling to contain ALL sorts of noises, only for him to be nonchalant about the whole situation. Hurt because of his seeming lack of interest, you were pulled into your thoughts. Trying to feel where you were (and trying to not accidentally touch you too inappropriately) he slid his hand to your knee and gave it a good squeeze; a warning that you had to make this believable. Increasing the pressure of his kiss to you throat, you let out a few breathy groans just as someone knocked on the door. Mando quickly took his helmet off of you and placed it on his head. You slid your dress straps off of your shoulder and pretended to cover your chest with your shawl before opening the door.

“Y-yes? Is there a problem,” you asked flushed and breathless because you felt like a mess and because you were (unfortunately) turned on.

“Oh um.. I don’t suppose you heard anybody sneaking around here, down that hallway,” a female guard asked, flustered and pointed to the hallway you had just stolen from.

“No, I’ve been..” you cleared your throat and smiled, “busy in here.”

She nodded and ran off to check the rest of the rooms. Checking the hallway, you pulled your straps up and pulled the Mandalorian down the stairs and back to the first floor. Amongst the commotion, you had managed to escape the building and ran with Mando to wherever he was going. Embarassed that you looked like a mess from the fake “sex”, you covered your face with the small shawl. You stopped behind an alleyway and caught your breath.

“Thank you.. It couldn’t have gone better without you,” Mando spoke up.

You looked up at him, flushed, and nodded your head slowly while wiping away the lipstick you had smeared on your chin.

“No worries, this was exciting. A little too exciting.. I doubt I’ll be doing any shenanigans anytime soon,” you laughed awkwardly.

He let out a chuckle and pulled out a pouch.

“I’m sorry for the..” he trailed off pointing to his neck, “Take this, for your trouble.” he handed you a pouch of money.

You shook your head, “Keep it. This was fun and in case you’ve forgotten, I am wealthy,” you joked in a stereotypical pompous accent, “If you ever decide to come back, maybe we can spend some more time together,” you suggested, hoping you’d see him again.

He thought about it, nodded, and turned to leave with a final thanks. You sighed and leaned up against the wall; he turned you the hell on and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t want more. Biting your lip you began to walk home, smirking to yourself as you remembered the red-lip mark you’d left on the inside of his mask; he had to have seen it and you were curious as to why he didn’t mention it.

“Y/N! There you are! Where the hell did you go?” Seliah yelled in the distance.

“Hey Sel? Where did you buy me this lipstick again? I accidentally broke it,” You spoke.

“Um? Are we going to ignore the fact that you look like a total mess?” She sighed, “let’s take you home, we can shop for it tomorrow… wait where did you get those hickies?! Your father is going to kill you!”

“He can’t if he doesn’t find out,” you sung and began walking home.

[silverandarsenic-hcs]

Ghost BC x Murder

im a simple girl. i have mental illness. i fantasize about being brutally murdered. is this problematic? 1000% yes. am i going to get canceled for this? 1000% yes. Have I been posting on borrowed time since that little caesars post? again, 1000% yes. Here’s this anyways.

TW: murder, blood, gore, manipulation (Papa II, Papa III), stalking (copia), domestic abuse (Papa III), substance and drug abuse (Papa II), Suicide (Papa II and Dew), Sex crimes - all consensual (Dew) these are about how they would murder you so im sure you can imagine the types of bad things it will entail. 

Papa I: For him, it’s a fit of emotion that drives him to kill. One thing piles on top of the next, frustration turns to anger, anger turns to rage. He doesn’t mean to hurt people, but when he gets so worked up, theres nothing that can stop him. All he can see is red until he’s snapped back into reality and sees the red staining his hands and his favorite robe. With you, all you had to do was walk into his office after a few bads days in a row, more bad news in tow, and that’s all it took. He loses his temper on you before your brain can even register that you should run. Before you can even scream. He’s not particularly a weapon guy, he’s more likely to choke you to death or anything he can do with his hands. If he feels so inclined, he’ll grab the nearest solid object to crush you with. He feels remorse, in the end, but still covers it up and hushes the room when they speak about your disappearance. Decently classic case of homicide - its usually someone you know, crime of passion, unplanned.

Papa II: This one hurt me very deeply to write. His case was classic, when he was a kid. Everyone says that when an adult loses it, you could tell from the time they were a kid that they had cracks - too abnormal, or too perfect. Papa had odd behavior but Nihil never had him tested or even looked at for anything because his ego got in the way, and nothing could possibly be wrong with his son. And nothing was really wrong with him. Something just wasn’t right. He felt things strongly: love, hate, depression, elation, anxieties. Sometimes it was too strong for him to cope. Sometimes he would turn to things that would help him deal with the emotional rollercoaster he couldn’t get off of. Other people just got on with him. He started smoking weed in his twenties. That wasn’t enough. He started drinking heavily at 25. By thirty that wasn’t enough either. Stronger, more potent vices were what he needed. Cocaine. Heroin. Anything to make him feel okay - anything to make him feel. And you, you were the light of his life. The only good thing he’d ever known. You were the only person he had met who could keep up with him, but keep him safe at the same time. But eventually you got swept up in the parties and drugs and drinking too. Lost more control as the months and years passed. And one night he thought you were pussing out. Not being fun. That you were being boring and killing his mood. He pushed you until you did more lines, and kept pushing you and pushing you until your nose began to bleed. But he was so gone he didn’t realize. He pushed you and you accepted it because it was the first time you had ever truly been afraid of him. When you overdosed and died on the couch in the living room of your shared apartment, Papa had already passed out in the bedroom. It was three days before he sobered up enough to wake, and when he found you, he called the police and said there’d been a murder. But he knew what happened. He knew what he did. Cocaine has a funny way of making things stick like that. He hung up the phone, and before the police could arrive, took his own life the same way he took yours. 

Papa III: In the beginning, he has a silly little crush. He steals glances your way. He brushes up against you and makes you blush. As you two talk more, he falls deeper. You two become a couple, an item. You tell each other you love them. Years could pass. You move in together. You don’t notice any cracks in him, but he sees them in the relationship. He saw you talking to the new guy at work today. What’s that, you had lunch with him? That’s interesting. He sees the way you look at the barista when he says your name, and hands you your coffee. You say he makes it the best. He sees the way your friends look at him. He goes through your phone once, when you’re sleeping, and doesn’t find anything. he kicks himself for months about invading your privacy and promises himself that he’s going to stop digging. But he can’t tear himself away. When youre in the other room, he’ll go through your purse. The next time he sees you smile at another man in passing, when you get home he confronts you. you say he’s being crazy. he says your crazy for cheating on him. he just loves you. cant you see? he loves you. when he finally chains you to the radiator in the bedroom so you won’t leave him, you’re shocked at how a man you once loved could be this way. When he finally kills you he’s begging you, with his hands around your throat, to understand that he’s not a bad person. He's not a bad person. He's not a bad person. He’s not a bad person.

Cardinal Copia: He stalks, but never gets close. Not like III. He’s aware of the mistakes of his predecessors. He’s smarter than that. More calculating. He would learn you schedule - morning routine, where you work, what you eat, when you get home, night routine, how long you sleep for. When you touch yourself. When you see your friends. At first it was from interest, but he begins to hate you. The way you walk, the way you talk, who you love, who you hate. And he wants you dead for it - but he wont be hasty, no, he’s still smarter than that. he has to remain calm and collected to pull this off. Hate you as much as he wants, he still knows you’re smart. Not as smart as him, but smart. Its thursday night, and you’re home alone getting ready to go out to the new bar in town with your friends. he climbs into the kitchen through a window he knows you leave unlocked for when you yourself forget your keys and need to break in. In the end, he slits your wrists with a knife he pulled from the wooden block on the counter. Good thing he followed you to work and school, he knows your handwriting wonderfully. He watches you bleed out on the floor while he writes your suicide note. You have never met him in your life. Good thing he always wears those gloves to keep everything clean of fingerprints, because the cops never suspect any foul play, and no one has a clue.

Swiss: He doesnt get close to his victims - he doesn’t have time. When you’ve gone through this many people, you start to forget their names, if you even knew them from the start. He takes jobs as an assassin when he needs the money - and it does pay well - but whenever he needs to blow off steam he’ll really go at it. Get creative. He’s a weapons guy, gun by choice but he’ll really use anything, and he knows each in his collection very very well. But in his eyes he isn’t doing anything wrong, he’s killing people that deserve to die, for good reasons (Edward Cullen who??). Racists, fascist, misogynists, homophobes. He was on the news once for throwing a brick at a nazi. You’re the anomaly on his list of victims though. You were an accident of sorts. He got sloppy with one of his jobs, got noticed, and the vic took a hostage - cue you walking into the back room at work at the wrong time - the only way he can get his shot in without risking his own life or alerting others is to shoot right through you. And now that he’s been noticed, he can’t give up the job and run. He memorizes the details of your face before he pulls the trigger, and kills you and the man with his arms around your torso in one shot. He feels the worst out of everyone. Attends your funeral, but stands very far back. Something about your face, the look in your eyes when you died. He thinks about you often, for a long time. When the exact dip of your nose and contours of your cheekbone begin to fade, he pulls a picture of you he cut from the newspaper from a shoebox under his bed. If he regrets any of the bad things he’s done in his life, it was hurting you.

Aether: He’s the one you don’t expect and he knows it. He’s the cult leader of the group - but that doesn’t make sense. He’s not even a leader in any capacity. He’s no Papa, not even a Cardinal. He doesn’t even lead the ghouls, really. But people trust him, and respect him, and that’s enough. The most pull he has in the church is being what you would compare to an advisor for the cardinal. helps him make decisions here and there. They get more drastic as things go on, and the church slowly burns itself down, but Copia is the only one people blame, including Copia, because Aether makes him believe every choice he made was his own idea. Eventually, when the cardinal has become useless, Aether will have him removed. By whatever means he has to take, but ideally not murder, it’s too early to have blood on anyone else's hands in his name, and far too early to have blood on his own hands. Aether promises to rebuild the name of the church, and fix everything the cardinal destroyed, and make things better.. Make people happy, and health again. And every single person drinks the kool-aid. Soon, rather than worshipping any Dark Lord or Old God, people are worshipping Aether. People believe in him with their hearts and souls. People believe he’s the savior. You are the anomaly. You were close with Aether before all of this started, before he was even the cardinal’s advisory. You just think the power has gone to his head, and blame the cardinal with the rest of him. But when you start digging, you realize it’s been his plan all along to have complete and total power To start his own cult. To be worshipped like a god in a place that was built for it. Your death is a stepping stone on the path for Aether to achieve ultimate power, but of all the stones cast, yours was the only one that meant anything. He didn't want to have to kill you. He didn't want you to defect, and put everything he'd worked so hard for at risk. He couldn’t have that. But the road to his ultimate power ends with his own death too - you can’t really be appreciated for everything good you've done for the world until you die, and he knows that. But until then, he will think of you often.

Dewdrop: Kills you for sexy reasons. Not because you wont sleep with him, or he wants to actually hurt you, but because you both got too swept up in the moment. There’s a movie called Sexual Predator and he’s pretty much the guy in that. One minute he’s got his belt wrapped around your throat, tugging on it hard while he’s hitting it from behind. He’s too caught up in the moment to realize you’ve gone limp on the bed. He doesn’t realize anything is wrong until he finishes. And it’s bad. Oh it’s bad. Unlike every other crime he’s committed, he calls the police, and he’s honest about what happened. He’s disgusted with himself. He’ll never have sex again. He’ll never wear a belt again. He’ll never touch another person’s throat again. He’s sentenced twelve months incarcerated along with probation and some hefty fines. Everyone knows what he did, how he did it. You were friends with all his friends - You weren’t together, but you were friends. And they all know he killed you. If any of the above are likely to have their own suicidal thoughts after the murder, Dew is the most likely to do it. He can’t stand the way everyone treats him after he did it. He can't stand living knowing what he did to you and what hes capable of. He can’t go on like this.

Cirrus & Cumulus: When they kill it’s for each other. In a LOT of other HCs i mention that II’s solution to things is to simply “kill them” if they’re bothering you, but the girls actually just do it. If someone touches Cirrus in a club, Cumulus will absolutely pull a gun out of her back pocket and blow their brains out right there. Good thing for the masks. They’ll spend the next few months or years on the road, saying under the radar until it’s safe to go home again. The ghoulettes have a lot in common with Swiss - they kill for what they believe to be a good reason. The difference is that Cirrus and Cumulus aren’t opposed to the more gorey ways of doing it. Torture, manipulation, blackmail, you name it they’ve probably done it. They know a lot of dirty things about a lot of big people, and at their whim they could have all their hearts desire. Trouble is, knowing everyone’s secrets is just a little bit more fun than that. They’ll kill to protect their friends and family, anyone who has ever unintentionally hurt an animal, and anyone that’s standing in their way. They’ll even collaborate with Swiss on a job if it’s gonna take some more elbow grease, and he needs people he can trust to get the job done without leaving behind a crumb trail of evidence.

- Kat

[choco-style]

lately I’ve found myself mind yelling “shut the fuck up” more than usual and I don’t know who to talk to because there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it, I just have to wait to go to school and feel better, which is crazy because the general opinion on school is “god I hate it I just wanna go home” and that’s what I used to think too when I was in my awful 5-8 grade class

and it’s not just real life people I want to shut up, I feel like I’m getting more defensive and my favourite creators are getting called all kinds of things by people who claim to have the higher moral ground (or whatever you call it), when they themselves wish terrible things upon people who have either done nothing wrong, or who have apologized for everything they did wrong. and it’s 99% on tumblr. now I understand why no one fucking likes this site.

and I’m back again in this state where “I wanna go home” doesn’t at all refer to the actual apartment, but to a mentally happy place. and it sounds edgy when your brain says I wanna go home I wanna go home I wanna go home I wanna go home please shut the fuck up

this isn’t even that bad and it’s nothing serious and I don’t know how I feel about all this I just needed to let it out and tumblr is where I can write longass “diary entries” and very few people who I care about will read them, and if someone has a problem with them I don’t give a single shit about their feelings and I hope they get the help they need to not turn into a shitty person or worse.

ive also been kinda mean??like not quite but kinda??? i dont know i just feel like i peaked and now im just kinda there. but im not even in the neutral empty doorway kind of state, its like now im in the room but idk what i wanna do and i need to pee but theres no toilet and im just there. like how dreams feel sometimes,,,,, idk aaagh

during the first 5 days of the week i look forward to the weekend because that keeps me happy and good and nice but then the weekend is the worst part of every week and i look forward to going to school, and now i wont even have this escape because this is the last week were going to school this decade and i have to breathe the same air and hear the same sounds as my family and i dont want to, i wanna go to school and be distracted and plan out my evenings and mornings when im basically alone. or something. i dont know what im talking about. i just dont want winter break. i dont wanna talk to my family when theyre all together. whenever theres even two people from my family in the same room i feel like i want to cry and i end up wishing id made plans or something, anything just to be somewhere else. 

youtube videos arent working anymore. or they are, but not really. i can block out the sound partially but i can still hear other people. and i think its normal but also fucked up. “what is?” well thanks for asking, me in “ “s, having these people argue so much is common but fucked up, having to stop whatever ur doing just to check whether or not a family member is crying, only to find out theyre laughing, is fucked up but maybe common. wanting to be home alone is common and not fucked up i think. going into a mental crisis because youre in this eternal circle of being sad - amplifying it because ur an attention whore - realising ur an attention whore - instead of stopping, u amplify THIS to feel absolutely terrible except not really because its not real or is it - now ur making urself look like the victim of realising ur not the victim. jesus fucking christ u stop thinking about it and it happens again a while later. just shut the fuck up, me. shut the fuck up. make my brain shut the fuck up,  i would literally probably cry happy tears if someone could make me shut the fuck up forever. or maybe i wouldnt but right now i feel like im gonna cry thinking about it. or its just placebo. or not placebo, the negative one. or idk. maybe i was right the first time i dont know. and now my back hurts cuz im like a little bug or whatever im just writing like. reversed arched. i dont know how to explain it lmao. i dont wanna read this thiing ever again but i most likely will! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! be happy lol u knwo the meme thats like cmon work. idk what it was but the reference is in my brain and i feel like i could use it. and now i sound weird. well not weird im just going thru the thing i explained earlier in this thing. but i wont write abt it im just gonna not think about it bc that seems to work really well. felt the need to add ^^ as if im talking to someone or maybe making my thoughts talk to me rn like how i would talk to someone irl lmao.theyve actually been silent for a while so idk.

id title this “if im being honest” to like show im trying to get my rthoughts out with no real filtering but aaah idk. i dont wanna do it bc the title would be like. bigger and semibold and itd draw attention to  it. i want this to not be read by people but maybe someone will. i have like 2 or 3 people in mind who would maybe maybe maybe read this but i dont know. its really not anything so you shouldnt read it. maybe someone could skim this. is that how you say it. also there is some filtering of my thoughts because i dont wanna name anyone im not looking for trouble i just wanna talk into the void and feel better and maybe this is really it. i do feel kind of relaxed now. my uhhh wrists, yeah thats what theyre fcalled, they kinda hurt and my fingers dont hurt but like, the joints are very,,,accentuated? but not like visually they just. i can conciously feel them? and my throat and kinda eyes? thats bc of almost kinda crying but lol idk. and like ive always hated accentuated feelings and i read this thing on wikipedia about sensory overload and idk if its a normal thing that happens like when something stings or hurts or if its a symptom of something or i dont know but ive always kinda joked about it and its also related to tics. ticks? ticks. tics. and its not really what im feeling rn but its a thing that happens sometimes. kind of. but like when u walk up the stairs and u feel ur right leg has been doing/making more effort pushing u up than ur left leg and u try to balance out the effort and it can be hurtful i guess bc if something like an eye or arm hurts u try to balance out the pain and that can be bad dont do that but like i can do it bc i wont do it in bad scenarios. i went off track lololol sorry

this is kind of what my mind speeches and discourses look like so yeah i hope this goes unnoticed or someone notices it and i can just say nah dude im good trust me because i am i think and u should maybe probably trust me bc usually i have it better than everyone i talk to online or in real life so its fine if u trust me because its nothing to worry about really. ur precious and u desrrve more attention than whatever this thingy is. take care of yourself. the only thing ur allowed to think about this post if u read it (or not but like sure), according to my selfish brain, is that oh wow its cool that u tried mimicking (??) ur thoufhts and id be lioke yeah haha i dont even know whats wriitten in here anymroe im cool like that hahahhahahhhhhhhahha hehe hoho hihi you know. so dont feel anything else than indifference and maybe admiration. i wouldnt say the former if this were something i put thought into but it isnt so enjoy! honesty. kinda.

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

just gonna rant about my health issues to no one in particular for a bit under the cut sooo

im just so fucking tired of being sick all the time like. its been almost 2 years now of actively Going To Doctors And Having Tests Done And Trying To Get A Diagnosis and fucking!!! nothing works!!! and i only have until the end of this coming school year to get it figured out before my insurance runs out otherwise im just fucked!!! because im sure as hell not gonna be able to afford a fucking mri every six months making 10 bucks an hour at some retail shithole but so far ive seen SIX different fucking doctors (not counting 2 ER visits) because they all just keep shuffling me back and forth like “idk maybe have someone else deal with this? weird lol” or like “have you considered that maybe you might have anxiety :) you seem stressed :)” 

like yeah its a fucking stressful situation getting progressively fucking sicker for two goddamn years wasting thousands of dollars and reaching the end of a fucking ticking clock because almost every doctor ive seen is an incompetent jackass who does NOTHING but waste my time and money and then fucking condescend to me about anxiety like!!! yeah i probably DO have anxiety and depression and autism and what the fuck ever else but this isnt THAT 

and the literal ONE TIME i had ANY treatment that worked AT ALL helping with my eye spasms (literally One of Many Symptoms that i deal with on a fucking daily basis that still manages to completely fuck up my life) is something i cant take anymore because it damaged my fucking eyes!!! possibly permanently!!! i already HAD issues wtih light sensitivity that this medicine made WAYYY fucking worse and guess whats one of the WORST things at setting off my eye spasms??? anything to do with fucking light so YEAH thANKS for that @ the opthalmologist who had me take those damn eye drops for two months straight, which other neuro opthalmologist said was bullshit when i saw her again, not that im letting HER off the hook either since she REFERRED me to that incompetent bitch in the first place and then had NO solution other than “hm well you definitely shouldnt take that medicine again, but theres literally No Other Treatment, maybe blow another $400 in a few months to come see me again so i can continue to Not Help You In Any Way”

and its getting wORSE ALL THE TIME!!! and the best thing doctors can think of is “hm well maybe wait a bit to see if it gets worse? and maybe then we’ll know what it is?” well its getting worse!!!! but they still dont seem to know what it is!!! like at first it was just my vision going out of focus for a few seconds at a time, then it was a few minutes, then i was having visual distortion (or maybe hallucinations? who knows! certainly not any of the fucking doctors ive seen!), then awful fucking eye strain headaches, then spasms in my neck, then my jaw, then my arms, then my legs, now all fucking over, and now i get sick and dizzy just by moving my HEAD too far or too suddenly and like at work earlier today i was just stumbling around for two hours bc there was too much pressure in my head and everything felt tilted and i was just grabbing at every surface trying not to fall with my head like on my shoulder bc keeping my neck straight was too fucking hard and i swear to fuckign god a couple nights ago there was this weird buzzing on the side of my face??? and like it felt like my mouth was moving slower than it should??? but i dont even KNOW if thats a Real SymptomTM or if i was just freaked out and tired and imagining things or if i really am just getting to be a paranoid delusional nutcase about my health because every little thing terrifies me at this point, like ive been coughing for a couple weeks and instead of being like “oh its a bad cold” im like “maybe now my immune systems fucked up too maybe this is A New Symptom” i literally cant tell anymore i have no fucking idea 

and i dont WANT to think about all this All The Fucking Time but i do!!!!! i literally HAVE to bc it affects my life in every fucking possible way and i cant escape it like even rn the light from the fuckign computer is hurting my eyes and i cant even see what im typing half the time bc my eyes keep going out of focus and my teeth keep chattering and my head hurts or ill go to get a drink of water but then just Stand there for a few minutes bc i dont trust myself to hold a cup full of water and not spill it bc im having spasms or ill have to wear sunglasses at the dinner table bc my fucking idiot asshole dad got the BRIGHTEST possible lightbulbs for the dining room and i physically cant stand them 

or like im already dreading having to explain all this shit to my professors this semester about how like “oh so i probably wont be able to keep up with daily readings, especialyl not if theyre on physical paper and i cant scale up the text because my eyes just spontaneously stop working and i cant read..... and ill need a computer to take notes, i can Usually hold a pencil but one time i had a spasm in class and flung it across the room and it was super embarrassing and i ltierally skipped that class for weeks because of it so id really rather not deal with that again.... and even though im a fuckign AMAZING public speaker like, state champion debate level public speaking, ill still probably get super fucking nervous and suck at any kind of in class presentation bc ill just be thinking about my spasms the whole time and wont be able to focus....... and ill have to wear sunglasses all the time too so hopefully thats not an issue........ and also ill probably miss a lot of class bc whether or not i can handle walking half a mile Varies Wildly from day to day and also i have a lot of doctors appointments and sometimes im on medicine that completely ruins my sleep schedule so you know... looking forward to a great semester, hope i dont completely fail your class” 

and i have fuckign work tomorrow where ill have to deal with trying to pretend like even the most minor tasks arent painful and difficult and deal with awful btichy entitled customers complaining that im not SMILEY enough for you like the motherfucker who asked me how i was and i said fine and he was like “jUuUUuuuST fINE” like shut the everlasting FUCK UP with that ive met my obligation leave me ALONE my day isnt FINE im in awful pain and i HATE you and everyone like you or ill have to deal with my coworkers giving me weird looks while im having spasms or outright MOCKING me for them like the asshole that called me TWITCH (and a whore, but thats Another Fucking Story) or just not knowing how to deal and making bad taste jokes like when my teeth are chattering bc I Physically Cant Make It Stop like “haha are you chewing an invisible piece of gum lol” like no bitch im a neurological nightmare and my brain doesnt work and im Barely Holding Together would you PLEASE shut the fuck up 

and most of the time i just feel like everyone thinks im a fucking freak like even just sitting in the waiting room to see the neurologist or opthalmologist or whatever and everyone else there is Old and im the only person even remotely close to my age there and even the doctors dont seem to take me that seriously bc of it like “oh shes young, cant be that bad, all these old people out here are gonna die like tomorrow so why worry about this girl, its probably just anxiety from being on her period or having a test to study for lol” like straight up when the movement disorder neurologist was examining me she was like “im not used to seeing anyone this young or healthy’ and i know she meant it relatively speaking but like!!! clearly im NOT healthy or i wouldnt BE here like obviously something is wrong with me and its ruining my life and its serious and id like it fixed thanks!!!!! 

and i feel like No One Gets It like, obviously there are people wayyyy sicker than i am who suffer a lot more or people in similar situations but like. i dont Personally Know someone like that i can just talk to and like, of course i have friends who can Listen but.................................. theres a difference from being able to listen and being able to actually Understand and sometimes you just cant Get It unless youve gone through it like i really dont think ANYONE in my life has any idea how serious this is or how much it affects me and i know i cant expect everyone to just Always Think Of My IssuesTM but little things!!! like maybe NOT having the brighest possible lightbulbs in the dining room!!!! my brother NOT having his birthday party at dave and busters, which i had TONS of spasms at last time i went (and im even worse now!) AND the staff gave me shit about wearing sunglasses so now im nervous about That too or just! idk! people respecting and listening to me when i tell them that i Cant Do Something or that Doing That Thing Hurts and not just brushing me off or telling me im overreacting and then getting all shocked pikachu face when their dumbassery actually physically HURTS me and i get pissed with them for it!!!!

i dont think anyone gets how much it scares me all the time or how its Always on my mind and i literally cant think about anything else like. this could be the rest of my life. this could end my life. i dont know what i have. i might get diagnosed in the next month and have it completely cured, i might get a diagnosis and still be sick forever, i might not find out until its too late and i have LITERALLY NO FUCKING IDEA WHICH ONE!!!! ITS GREAT!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

[drewbarymore]

just us

Summary: Bucky feels good about himself for once, and then he doesn’t.

Word Count: 2.3k+

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warning(s): self-deprecating thoughts

a/n: theres no reason for this. i just love bucky with my whole ass heart so theres that. and lowkey i was listening to If I Ain’t Got You by Alicia Keys while writing this so yeah. just throwing that out there. (and again this is supposed to be just a little something. little. short. and its not that short bc)

—

It’s crazy, because this night started out with him actually feeling great about himself.

He remembers looking at himself in the mirror a hundred times, surprised by the fact that his first instinct wasn’t to avert his eyes or step away from it each time. For the first time in decades, he doesn’t recoil from the monster he sees.

It’s not as if he feels like his old, more bearable self again— god knows that’s probably never going to happen— it’s that he doesn’t feel like the other old self that he abhors. He doesn’t quite see Sergeant James Barnes, but he doesn’t see the Winter Soldier either.

It’s just him—Bucky. And it felt good.

It’s crazy, because even then, as he looked at himself straight in the eyes in that mirror, seeing certainty and confidence for once, there was still a nagging voice at the back of his head that told him this was too good to be true. He ignored it at the time, unwilling to let his demons trample on the ease he was feeling.

He should’ve known not to ignore them, because while his demons are ruthless, they’re realistic. Sometimes he thinks they’re just the rational part of his brain, and that makes it harder to ignore them. His therapist tells him that’s what’s tricky about voices in your head; they make you think they’re right.

But looking all around him right now, it’s easier for him to think that maybe the reason why they want you to think they’re right is because they are.

He watches for another moment as you spin around on the dancefloor in your deep burgundy dress that makes you look like something he doesn’t have words for. Gorgeous, splendid, stunning, breathtaking, and a whole lot more, but nothing will give what he sees justice. You fit so well in this kind of place, reminiscent to the ones built during the Renaissance— royal, ethereal. He watches as people look at you in an almost entranced manner, and he can’t blame them. It’s hard not to love you. He out of all people should know. He watches for another moment as you smile at whatever your dance partner is telling you. Your dance partner, all in an elegant suit that actually fits his persona—luxurious and sophisticated, screaming money and a great and easy life ahead if you choose him.

Greg. Jake. Drake. He’s not really sure what his name is. He avoids anything involving him at all costs. He had to fight the urge to do a full on background check right down to his third cousin’s best friend’s daughter’s dog on more than one occasion, trying to reason with himself every time that that’s just plain intrusive and creepy, and that it doesn’t matter that this guy’s been sending you expensive gifts for the past month after you met at an event much like this a few months back. He told himself every single time, he had no right.

Because while you’re gorgeous and kind and gentle and the only real thing that grounds him, you aren’t his. And he isn’t yours either, no matter how much he wants to be.

Natasha, however, did a background check and assured him discreetly that your suitor has a clean background for the most part. Bless her heart for feeding his curiosity, but honestly, when he found out that he actually is a good man, he didn’t know whether to feel assured or terrible.

(Of course he felt fucking terrible. He felt like you’re being taken away from him, and it’s irrational, but it doesn’t stop the twisting feeling from crawling into his heart and fucking squeezing it.)

“Mission complete,” he hears Sam say from his earpiece, reminding him of what he and Nat are actually here for.

They were given a mission to gather intel on one of the guests. Nothing too risky, but you all have weapons on you just in case. You and him, however, are here to socialize and form alliances as to avoid situations like the Accords all over again. The higher ups figured that it would be wise to send the two of you, given that you’re new, and Bucky’s… well, they figured it would be wise to build a new image for him, somehow get people to see that he’s not what was made of him anymore.

“Party time,” he hears Nat speak into the comms, “looks like Y/N already started without us.”

The teasing lilt in Nat’s voice makes him want to rip the device out of his ear. It’s already bad enough that he can’t seem to tear his eyes away from you dancing with someone else. He knows that the sight makes him feel like he’s caving in on himself, but he can’t look away. As if it’s a need to look at whatever’s hurting him dead on.

A delighted laugh from you is the last thing he hears before subtly taking the device from his ear and turning it off.

He feels silly. So he slips out of your table discreetly, eyes scanning the interior of the venue for the restrooms and practically dashing to it once he sees it.

He feels silly as he looks at himself in the mirror in a stupid tie and a stupid suit that’s meant to make him look like he’s something when he’s not. He feels silly thinking about how good and proud he felt earlier in his bedroom seeing Bucky.

The good thing about being just Bucky is that he’s new. Being just Bucky is a clean slate, a fresh start, which also means he doesn’t really have anything nor is he sure where he stands. He’s something in between; both innocent and guilty. Innocent enough to be considered a part of a team that’s fighting for the good, but far too guilty with too much blood on his hands to ever be considered a hero.

He’s something in between, and there are times where he could trick himself into thinking that being in between is good enough and that he shouldn’t ask for more after all that he did. But there were times where he desperately wished he was more.

He feels silly because now he realizes that no matter how new Bucky is, he’s still nothing.

He goes back outside after a few more minutes, not really wanting to alert anyone by disappearing so suddenly. He keeps his head down as he tries finding his way to the bar, his earlier realization still heavy on his heart.

A hand on his arm stops him and somehow he knows who it is immediately even when he hasn’t looked yet.

“Hey, I-I’ve been looking for you…” you trail off, looking over at his slumped shoulders and hollow eyes that can’t quite meet yours. “Steve said your earpiece turned off. Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, that was just me,” he replies quietly. You want to ask so bad, what made him feel like this, but not with other people listening on your side. So you remove your own discreetly, turning it off. To others, it might’ve just looked like you were tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Sorry, you can go back to the dancefloor now.” he says, walking past you, but you stop him again with a hand on his chest.

His heart flutters, and he resists the urge to close his eyes from the feeling of being close to you. He’s trying his best to slow his heartbeat down, fearing that you’ll feel it underneath your fingertips. He swears his heart comes to life whenever you’re near him.

“Are you okay, Buck?” you whisper, trying to get him to look at you by keeping your eyes on him.

You’re so close—body pressed to his, your breaths fanning on the side of his face, and he can hear your heartbeat too, and he tries not to perk up from that alone. Your thumb moves to brush over his chest, and he caves just like that, hand coming up to your back as he turns his head to look at you.

You smile at the warmth of his hand, relishing on the burst of serenity it brings you. Before you could stop yourself, your mouth’s moving.

“I knew the suit would fit you,” you tell him as your other hand moves up to straighten the lapels of his jacket a little bit.

“Y-You chose it?” he asks, and it’s a mystery to him, how he managed to talk given how close you are to him. So close that if he leans in a little more, he could kiss you.

The mere thought of it makes him want to shout in absolute delight.

“Yeah, thought the color would make your eyes pop…” you look back and forth between his eyes, and he feels his heart practically jumping out of his chest. Like it knows it doesn’t really belong to him anymore and wants to go to the one who really owns it. Like it wants to burst out of his chest straight to you.

“I was right.” You smile, brushing your index finger under his chin ever so lightly. It didn’t even last a second, but what small part of him you touched sent his whole body into a state of euphoria he knows he never wants to get out of.

It’s fucking ridiculous, the control you had over him. And it’s supposed to scare him, having someone else have control over him again after decades of that very same thing, but it doesn’t. Maybe it’s because you’re everything good and gentle and kind and—

Maybe just because it’s you.

“You look handsome, Bucky.” you tell him, hand coming up to brush a strand of hair that came lose from his low bun behind his ear.

He could only give you a pained smile. It feels so fucking good hearing that from you, he just wishes he can believe it. He sees it in your eyes, how much you mean it, but he can’t quite convince himself that he deserves that look from you, so he looks away and scans the crowd instead.

Some people are already looking at the two of you, and he doesn’t miss their gazes trailing down to the exposed metal hand by his side, doesn’t miss how they look up at him one more time, only a quick glance screaming discomfort and then to you with pity before going back to their conversations. It makes him feel exposed and judged and wrong, and they all looked like they belong here and he just…doesn’t.

He pulls away slightly, feeling the chill of the air run through him as he loses your warmth. “Where’s…Greg?” he asks apprehensively.

“Craig,” you correct, eyes still set only on him, and it makes him feel incredibly exposed. “Around, I guess. I don’t care.”

He nods, moving to step around you, but for the third time that night, you stop him.

“Will you dance with me?” you ask gently.

His heart halts in his chest, and he wants so badly to say yes because hell, it’s his dream standing right in front of him just waiting for him to take her hand. He wants so badly to say yes and just spin around the marble floors with her in his arms feeling like a million bucks, but he feels the stares around him, poking and prodding, and he knows they’ll just worsen if he says yes.

You see the hesitation in his eyes, see it cloud his mind as he looks up at the people around you. You can hear him almost hear him thinking, and you want to help quiet down the voices in his head.

“Hey, look at me,” you whisper as you hold his face in your hands, willing him to look at you. “Just us, Bucky.”

He finally looks down upon hearing your words, letting out a shaky sigh. You feel his hands come up to your waist, and he nods, murmuring a small ‘okay.’ You smile, leading him to the dance floor.

The lights aren’t dimmed, and you’re in the middle of the venue for everyone to see. Panic starts to rise up in his chest again when the weight of fact that you’re practically the center of attention settles on his shoulders, and he raises his head to look around again.

“Wh-what about… Y/N, he likes you and he’s a nice guy—”

You take his face in your hands again, looking deep into his eyes. “I don’t care, Bucky. It’s just us.”

One of your hands travel to the back of his neck, and the other to the back of his head, gently pressing your forehead against his as you sway to the music. He lets out another shaky breath as his eyes fall closed. His grip around you tightens a hair, growing more certain, more steady and assured.

“Just us.” you repeat, moving your face closer to nuzzle his scruffy cheek and press small kisses on his jaw, praying that these little things will help him realize what you’re trying to get across—something you don’t have the words for right now.

You just know that love comes the closest to it, but still, it isn’t quite enough.

He nods, heart jumping out of his chest. This time, he doesn’t stop himself from pulling you closer by the waist, practically hugging you to him. You relish in the feeling of his warmth and scent surrounding you, knowing right off the bat that this will always be your safe place.

He moves a little bit, and you fear it’s him starting pull away again, but he only moves until the tips of your noses are touching, only enough to look you in the eyes. It’s the clearest you’ve seen them tonight, his blue ones, and you feel like a weight was lifted off of you— as if his pain is yours, and when that pain alleviates, yours does too.

“I-I like how this feels,” he murmurs shyly, making you smile.

“How what feels?”

“Just us.” he answers.

“Well, it can always be like that from now on,” you quip, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Really?” he asks, hope lighting his eyes up even more.

“Depends on you next move, Mr. Barnes.” You smirk.

“Well, I hope this does it.” he says, right before pressing his lips to yours.

[powercouragewisdom]

I came across this, and it has to be shared: Everyone believing it was “10 years ago” and it’s so far in the past:

Everyone else:

2 & 3 months after beginning work for Marvel, these were posted, 2nd one almost 5 years ago. 

Bonus from the same year:

Notice how none of the tweets on this post indicate in tone or text that they are a “joke”

I took up very little space with others’ stupidity at the top, but before we proceed, let’s get some things straight: 1. “He didnt mean it” You don’t know what he meant, you don’t know him personally, and he meant them is more likely which is why he left them up until 6 days ago.  2. “He didnt hurt anyone” addressed far below. 3. “10 years ago” Last tweet was 6 years ago, & Happened nonstop between ages 41-46 over 5 years..about how long its been since his last visible pedophile thought. Along with jokes about rape, lgbt, 9/11, etc 4. “He apologized for this in 2012″ No. He never apologized for these tweets in 2012. He apologized for anti-lgbt and sexist comments. *btw The apology here was made before the 2 pedo tweets above* He went from bigot to abuse poster in record time 5. “But GotG cast is supporting him” and it’s not hard to understand why. These are people that, most of them, were fairly obscure as actors, not prominent or at the forefront of everyone’s minds before gotg (dave, pom, karen, chris p). These people were nothing fame-wise. James gave them an opportunity, a platform to be pushed forward on with its success. They owe him their notariety and relevance, and they are thankful and grateful for the support and help he gave, leading them and making them feel great while working. Of course they are going to defend him! They only know him as this, instead of other things he may be. Don’t put more on it than there is, and simply understand where they’re coming from WhatNoOneSaidAboutGOTGcast: it is very unwise and stupid if you speak out against and don’t support a director, because it can lead to you not getting jobs as an actor, not being hired and other directors/execs thinking you won’t support them if something hits the fan. There’s a reason Zoe’s, Pom’s, Chris’ and Karen’s tweets are very vague and general.. Now, here’s what the rest of us know:

*coughjeremyrennercoughrdjcoughcountlessothercelebritiesyouattackcough*

- *6 years ago Remember to pay attention to how none of the tweets you will see in this post indicate in tone or text that they are a “joke”

and he was so scared and in a rush to “clean up” everything, he slipped:

bottom line:

he “apologized” because he [had to]. if Kevin Spacey hadn’t messed up his “apology” you would still be some of his fans ”You don’t know that he hurt anyone!!” His tweets have hurt many, and you don’t know that he hasn’t touched children. One of his director friends (Huston Huddleston) is convicted of possession of child pornography and contacting a minor with the intent to commit a felony. He sent James a vid of child porn and James responded saying he masturbated to it, on the same blog with the monkey thing screencapped far below. An apology to perpetrators is like toilet paper; used to keep sh** off you, until forgotten residue of the next dump threatens to make you stink.

Did you see what he said? The only reason they’re “old” is because that’s when guardians started. Someone who’s been comfortable putting this garbage in the atmosphere over 5 years would not see a reason to stop unless they had to. in a moment of clarity and sanity, as someone pointed out earlier, he even said he won’t say he’s better:

that’s a big middle finger to everyone claiming he “grew” from this the only truth you have, literally the only truth you know, is that he didn’t post these on twitter after 2012. No proof that he grew because you don’t know him personally. growing implies elevation and improvement, a more desired version of the previous, whereas this implies “I’m more of a tulip now than a lilac” stop taking a weak string of apology and holding on to it for proof that he is or isn’t something so you can feel good about a movie!  he literally just said he was different, could be he just kept existing and accumulating, rolling around the universe until something else grabbed his attention instead of an abuse fantasy lifestyle that inspired over 10,000 tweets and God knows what else it can mean simply taking the thoughts to another medium/platform.

moving right along,

Nambla-

and

enjoy-

I dare you to continue to think someone like this who did over 10,000 of these in his 40s , which only disappeared after guardians started, should continue being comfortable in hollywood and have the access and connections that come with that, including to people’s children. who are auditioning or born into the industry  and

This is literally jailtime.

a lovely excerpt from his deleted blog:

theres much more lest we not forget:

karma is my favorite kind of tea™ So:

read this carefully:

As for another celebrity on his team:

gotta wonder why.

Due to the length and content It can be concluded that this person has a very off mind. Anyone comfortable thinking about let alone writing, this, there has to be something wrong. If he were posting tweets or videos about animal abuse fantasies re-read my previous two sentences and see if they fit you would say the same thing and it is literally the same thing. talking about animal abuse fantasies is literally the same thing. talking about child abuse is the same as talking about animal abuse for years enjoying child abuse content is the same as enjoying animal abuse content child abuse and animal abuse are in the same category i’m so sorry for your loss of contentment and comfort in thinking otherwise. Disney will never rehire this person and it’s laughable that people think they will. The ignorance, dismissal and disrespect he has shown toward people who have dealt with the serious content he made fun of of is something no one should take lightly, no one cares if it was 20 years ago. Some things #SPOILERALERT are more horrible than others (RDJ’s struggle with drugs and alcohol is not comparable, sorry kids B)  ^This honestly is why Johnny D is, and John Lass was still employed by them; he resigned last I saw.  Johnny has been most people’s favorite public figure for decades and has been seen volunteering and working with disadvantaged and disabled children for years, instead of anything suggesting abusing them. Even with alcohol and beating on his ex wife, those are still seen as not as abhorrent as hurting people/children who’ve faced trauma. Because of who he is and human nature understanding some things as worse, it is what it is. John Lasseter, same thing. I didnt see allegations or issues relating to kids and harming them, but he harassed and abused women and other people. With this, it still isn’t him harming, or producing anything that would harm children. More to get straight: "Disney had problematic stuff" the people responsible for those racist cartoons don't exist anymore and aren't working for disney. NEXT “Seth MacFarlane and MatT & TrEy” The difference is painfully clear: The creators of family guy and south park present inappropriate characters and situations that make fun of the perpetrators and show how ridiculous they are, instead of the victims, other characters chiming in. It really is that simple, I have seen it all. It is clear in the delivery of content and the context that’s shown. If they didn’t these juggernaut shows accessed by most of America would have been canceled so fast you would have whiplash. If you want to complain about something in feeble support, use Robot Chicken, a show featuring CSA, animal abuse, rape and Jesus’ death on the cross as a gameshow. A show featured on a network that’s supporting another guy being persecuted for abuse media...hm

Honestly at this point most of the people defending him are likely either pedophiles themselves or know people who are. if he was a poc or a woman, let’s not bother with what this would look like. no one would be crying real tears about how they should get their job back.

this is not only terrible, but dangerous. rape culture is a thing bc first it was funny normalize the joke, normalize the thing. dismissing as just a joke, is allowing everyone to think its ok/naturalizing it & if somethings wrong, dismiss it as a joke all you can do is hope that he has actually stopped and that its genuine since people love animals more than people these days, if he posted 10,000 videos/tweets about animal torture and abuse, how would you feel? he didn't actually torture them.. have a nice day

[forethan21]

18/12/2020

To me love isnt about staying in a relationship or dwelling on a feeling. Love to me is bending but not breaking to compromise. It is the kind where you know when to let go in hopes to trust for the best to come, the kind where you empathise, showing vulnerability and completely surrender. (Remember when Jesus died for us in the cross? Diba he gave his all, his everything just so we can live. That should be a standard in our lives. To choose someone who would do anything to just be with us without questioning our worth. Never settle for someone who gives half of their heart. Its all or nothing.) The kind that is mature. Love is what you do despite of what you feel. The kind that fights for the good of someone else even if they never see the value or sacrifice that you did. (Thats what Jesus did. He never complained when he was on the cross. All the pain and burden he endured bc he loves us. And look at us now not even recognising how amazing he is. We took it this life for granted- some of us are wasting it, choosing people for our own accord and pleasure. Im saying this in general im not hinting it on anyone, but if the shoes fits then..) The kind that demands temporary surrender of security, giving up familiar bad habits and patterns, giving unrewarded works and efforts. The kind that challenges you in so many ways. Love wasnt made to be comfortable. It was made to show change and growth.

Not gonna lie tho i loved you for you and everything youve done. Those memories are dear to me bc i knew you tried no matter how difficult it was to love me in some days. Kaya gusto ko lng magpasalamat dun. Likewise, something i learned recently was that we should never question someone elses love for us regardless if it was inadequate. Bc i realised we should be thankful for the amount of love and care we receive from any person out there. Family, friends, lovers. That itself should be enough. Its not up to us how much love they should give to make us feel satisfied. That wouldn’t be love. The greatest love you could ever receive should come from you and the Lord not from anybody else. So i just wanna tell you that i take back those times i questioned your love. Bc what you gave was already enough.

Im sorry i couldnt wait for you to change. Bc i realised if you knew how to love me the very first time I wouldnt need to tell you anything. I wouldnt feel hurt bc im rest assured that you love me enough to know what to do. It didnt feel mutual to me.

When u came bck with your letter idk it seemed like there was something missing. Committment and plans. Maybe i was hoping that youd take me back but i guess it was the opposite. And maybe that was your answer after all. To tell me that you arent staying. I hope next time you go into a relationship po, you dont assume the worst. You dont jump into conclusions when it gets tough. Bc like anything can change if youre willing to do it. You need to trust the the other side will stay. It was the way your mindset was so fixed on the idea that I will leave. That i was making excuses. Ndi pow. I jst have standards. Oo tao ka lng, you make mistakes but how do i know tht youre not gonna make the same mistake again? Im jst protecting my heart po. I guess i dont wanna experience the same trauma again.

I hope someday na you will learn to see the good in people regardless if they did u wrong pow. (idk lng ha pero I dont think youve moved on sa ex mo pow. I feel like you havent fully forgiven her and accepted what has happened. I know it hurts to know that they betrayed you like that but your worth is not defined by them po. You did your best po and if she did not recognised that then thats her loss. This is partly what keeps u holding bck. Bc u didnt get closure. I hope you reflect on that and find the closure that you need po. Dont tell me you dont need one bc i know deep in your heart that it still hurts. Like bruh the fact na sure na sure ka na sa kanya u were ready to put a ring on her finger. You were hopeful and certain. I think it was meant to happen to test you both in your worst. You had your mistakes. She had hers. Dont you think you should close tht chapter of your life before starting a new one? Or more importantly, dont you think you deserve peace? Ill leave you to think bout tht). I wasnt trying to find something wrong jst to let you go. If i did i wouldnt put myself in a situation where I will lose my friends po.

Ethan i understand you. I understand your fear of giving too much to someone who youre unsure of and thats fine. But you need to accept the consequences of your mistakes. You need to take responsibility of it and what you couldve done to fix it. (Reflection is very important.) Youre not wrong for not knowing that but again you need to reflect in every situation in your life. It doesnt matter if you were right or wrong. Its important to do this bc the next time it will happen to you, you will know what to do. reflecting really helps you to step back and understand yourself, other people and the surroundings. It helps with analysing your own feelings, emotions and as well as understanding the depth of your own thinking. You need to consider other people’s feelings too. Understand their point of view and why they did things that way. 

I told you yesterday that what happened in the past does not define you. You may have done them so wrong but i hope your realise youre not in debt to them. I remember your story about what you did to the girl. Yung trauma mo sa kanya you gotta let it go pow. You dont need to blame yourself every day for something that youve no control of. You did it out of anger. and she threatened you bc she has her personal issues as well. She was showing wat kind of person she was. It does not put a label on u. So far as I know you havent apologised to urself for what had happened and u havent forgiven her for what shes done. Whenever youre mad po dont let your emotions get the best of you. Give space and time. Step back from the situation and reflect. count to ten and reorganise your thoughts and feelings. What happened? what made me feel that way? what can i do to fix this? 

The way i see it lng ha pero it felt like youre pitying yourself. And i want o reassure you that i recognised all you did to keep this relationship. The fights where you communicated with me, the times where you waited for me to explain, the support you give, and how you made me happy each single day. What youve done until this day is enough. I cant emphasise it enough. Ndi ko yun binalewala lahat. I saw your effort. Thats why i fought for u. Bc alam ko ndi ka ganun na tao. Kc alam ko na they have perceived you wrong. I saw the good in you. I saw that youre worthy of change. Everyone does pow. That was the purpose of it all.

But ldr is frickin hard. Being in a relationship is difficult enough let along ldr. Jst thinking about the amount of trust u hav for ur partner dang.. you need to fully invest on trust yo. How to overcome and resolve issues esp if theyre like me haha. Its hard for sure to do tht kc even ako may trust issues but it is possible. But as of now theres many areas in your life that you need to fix alone. Im not saying that im right ha. I could be wrong in so many areas about you that idk of but this is based on knowing you for months. im not saying you have a problem internally cuz we all have problems po What im saying is that there are some things we need to learn from others as well. Its a matter of listening and comprehending what theyre tryna relay and teach u.

Also asking for help isnt a weakness. (Idk but i cud feel you were mad that I reached out to your mother. Bro i know na kaya mo nman maging independent and i know na ayaw mo lng maburden yung parents mo with your problems on top of theirs but its gud that alam din nla ang anak nla is struggling and needs emotional support.) Its realising that we are deserving to feel and be emotionally supported. so dont ever feel bad for reaching out and admitting that youre struggling. after all were only human.

Though i never said anything i lowkey promised that I would not give up on you (sinsabi ko sa sarili ko to) bc i wanted to show you what its like for someone to stay. You told me about your past and struggles and i did everything i can for that not to happen again. You told me what broke your heart and I nver wanted you to feel anything like that in the relationship. More like i ensured that my intentions for you are pure. But somewhere along the way i came to realise that we both need to grow seperately. Not bc i gave up on you but bc i decided to think about myself and what i needed. I dont wanna text you and talk to u bc i respect you that much to know that this isnt the right time for both of us.

Being the way i am right now is for the best. Were both healing and getting the peace we need. God knows what Hes doing with us and i keep you in my prayers at night. Maybe someday down the line well meet again, at the right time. God will decide tht for us but for now ill be supportive of you in the silence. I dont wanna be civil cuz i know itll jst hurt you more esp since you have strong feelings for me. Dont worry my love for you will remain unconditional. But one thing i cant promise tho is that idk if my love for u will stay. We dont know what the future will bring. We may find our happiness in diff places. We may find it together. But all i know is i trust God to dictate my life. Thank you Ethan. Kahit paano i felt your unconditional love din. You can text me anytime if you need anything. Ill be here nman pow.

[gayspock]

dont rb, dont rply

dont know man. broken ass record. i jsut wish i wasnt alive. i just wish i never existed. and it  just feels like it gets worse  and worse and worse every day..... i odnt know . i just..... i dont want to try any more when its so worthless man. i just  dont fuckin want to and i cant do it any more, yknow... like i cant keep just.. i just cant . keep doin it.  im so tired and m so fucking sick of it all im sick of how much energy i need just to muster up to do basic tasks and even THOSE i screw them up somehow and i jsut fucking keep crying all the time, because thats the only thing i can do, and im not. im not even being fucking hyperbolic half the food in my fridge is mouldy bc i cant eat  and im weeks behind on everything and im gross and i feel sick and im tir ed and i dont . want. to do it. i dont want tokeep fucking bothering when its always jsut so worthless and ... i dont even want it man. like i dont even want to be alive. i dont want to live. its just not worth it like. even if i did accomplish something it just . . i dont fuckng care any more man it hurts too much and im too tired. why ould i want to man. why would i want to work so hard just so i can what? what is there? when everything jsut . feels like... i dont know man . i feel r eally alone. again . i dont know whats fucking wrong with me. i dont know why im just . so fucking insufferable half the time or why i cant just... do one thing right  i odnt fucking understand it and im so so tired and its just like. like why is it jsut everything all of the time. and people say not to say tht shit abt urself but i just- what else can you even say when there’s fucking nothing there, like . why .  why am i just genuinely such a fucking waste of space like i just. i fucking hate myself so much i jsut. i cant stand it any more i cant stand how fucking useless i am and i kinda get it like i just. i cant fucking stand it any more  an d part of me gets it there- i get why . nobody else can either - and i just really wanna... like kkill myself half the timenot even just to end fucking existing but. jut to fucking . rip myself apart in some fucking way  like thats half the fucking fantasy there and i dont knowman. i m being fuckin . whatever but i dont know i dont care i cant keep doing it and i dont know why i keep . tryhing to be alive when it just. its just so useless man and  i dont kno w i feel so sick i wish i could hug someone and i wish i wasnt alone but i cant because just... i dont know .  im sick of how ive spent my whole life crying and wishing tht. i feel so stupid like that intensive visit last week did nothing at all man like it did fuckin nothin but make it worse and just solidify that “yeah theres no other options for you” . they asked me do you have anyone to go to do you have anything to calm you down and i dont i wish i did if i did i wouldnt be here god damn it and its jsut so ... pointless its just so fucking pointless and gaain its just. i dont know. maybe if this was a bad spell in my life but i jsut. im so fucking tired. im sof ucking tired of being alive because its just... i dont know. i dont think a single second has meant anything. i dont think its been worthwhile and its alwyays just been... a fucking string of events, a fucking string of periods of just being told it would get better soon and . at first you believe it as a kid and get lost in the fantasy but then it just...becomes abjectly apparent..... that its just.. i dont know. i move from place to place and i try different things and i try to be different people and i try to be myself or i try anything and everything the most i can msuter but regardless i t just doesnt... it just never is worth it and it jsut feels like im always just alone and sad and existing on the fringes of communities that actually love each other but . jsut feeling iced out half the time and its again and again and again . and it just feels so pathetic crying abt the same shit i did when i was 15, when i was 10, when i was 5,  but it jsut... keeps happening over . and its getting harder and harder to try and talk to ppl as the years go on like i jst. fucking hardly can any more . just because of how rotted out i fucking feel . and so it feeds itself and it keeps happening overand over and nothing BUT that happens and the same jsut happens with the failures, and  feeling unsafe but for different reasons all of those times, and it never... gets to any place thats better, even marginally so, and its never getting to a place where any of this has been worthwhile. nothing could really be worth all ofthis stupid shit.and im just so ti red and i dont want anything out of being alive any more i dont fucking care any more  im so. sick and everything just feels so... and like its like. again with the coping strategdies i had an appointment agan today  and its just like.. the only way to manage it just . he just said time for me because i know ntohing else works because ive tried so many times but. time doesnt work either. it jsut doesnt feel like i can get over anything or heal from anything ever. it just feels like i have to wait everything out and im still miserable about it all but just... nothing ever goes right. nothin g is ever there. i cant move past it when im still just so stuck and its jsut. these stupid fucking breakdowns that keep happening, and they happen in peaks and troughs, but like. they keep happening and happening happening and theres no... theres nothing there jsut. nothing ever comes abt it and im jsut. so done man. im so done man when its not even worth it and i know like... i jsut. i dont know. i want to die and ive like long since accepted that i will kill myself but also just fucking.... ggod man. i feel so fucking stupid . i dont . i dont know i just feel so stupid fucking having lived this long and i really do jsut hate myself for letting it get to this point when i always KNEW better , i always just. knew it in the back of my head bu t i jsut... i wish it wasnt for nothing and  i just wish all this sadness meant something, that it meant something that i trie d but i just. i know it wont ever and i just. i dont know. im going to die and my parents will end up with my body and they wont even bury me under a name i like and they will fucking parade me round like they gave a shit and my flatmates will be confused and nobody else even knows i fucking exist irl and then i dont know. at least i get to disappear . i think its jsut... the pain at this point thats scaring em and i dont want to fail again, not at that, and i keep doing it i keep trying very hard to make a foolproof plan but i jsut.... cant believe in myself and im scared  that im going to cock it up like i cock it all up like. chrst man you know