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m1ssunderstanding · 7 months

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Understanding Lennon McCartney Rewatch Part 3.2

The thing is Paul just physically can't say what he feels. It's just an impossibility for him. So if he says reading a negative article about himself “doesn't help” or “it's not good” but it “doesn't get home” I just assume he means ‘It hurts, but I can't think about that too hard or I'll go into a self-hate suicidal spiral again’.

I always love how Paul says Linda. “Linder is er, nature mad.”

She!!

Hearing Paul talk about watching Mary be born makes me wonder if John was there with Sean? Also I wonder if Linda would talk about the experience so glowingly. Probably. She's tough as nails. I had a lovely experience, personally, after the epidural lol

“Dear friend . . . I'm in love with a friend of mine.” This is such a strange and beautiful song. It's a man who has to apologize to his friend for falling in love with someone else. At least, that's my interpretation. What's everyone else's?

I understand why he's so closed off. I do. But when John is going off every five seconds, we're missing half the picture here and it's turning out warped. They really are such a good study of attachment honestly.

“Nothing will ever break the love we have for each other.” White-knuckling my way through this section with this quote clenched in my fist.

Yoko, talking about John fighting with Paul: any couple will go from swearing to kissing and it's like that. What favors are you doing yourself here, babe? Maybe John's the PR mastermind between the two of them.

I find John's comparison of working with his romantic partner to being ambidextrous very confusing. Does he mean just doing two things at once?

“If I can't have a fight with my best friend, I don't know who I can have a fight with.” -- Intro slutty gender-fluid Wings Paul my beloved -- “Tell me why, why, why do you treat me so bad? So bad? When you're the best friend a man ever had?” I heard on some podcast somewhere. Someone was going on about how forward-thinking the Beatles were to refer to the women in their songs as “friends”. And I was like, nununununu do not give them that credit.

This is just soooo. In this era? 90 minutes in the middle of a recording session?

John: Sorry, my estranged fiance is calling, gotta take a break. Guitarist: again? Drummer: how estranged can they be if they call every three minutes? Yoko: should we just record the other parts or . . . John: (receiver cradled to his cheek, lovesick grin on his face) Hey, how was Heather's school program? Haha, yeah, I bet she was.

Okay, so you've made up with Paul and now you're done being homophobic? *Cardi b voice* well that's suspicious.

The fact that John's asking Paul to play on stage with him in 1972?? Ugh! If it was just about legalities and money and shit I would be genuinely so pissed at Paul for not going. If only because Come Together sounds incredibly lame without his bass and piano. But also for the obvious fix-it reasons. I have to remind myself of how truly awful Klein was. By being the only one to stand firm against him, Paul actually ended up saving them all from a lot of trouble. But gosh would this have been good!

Things normal people say, for sure, for sure.

Okay in my head it went like this. John calls George and bitches about what an egomaniac Paul is because he won't do anything with him as long as Klein is involved. George gets off the phone and calls Ringo and they make a bet as to how long it is until John decides they should get rid of Klein.

“Where's your audience, Paul?” “In the theater, Dave.” As he should. The cuntiness is unparalleled. Yeah, maybe people like to see a family friendly eclectic magic pixie sexy hard rock floor show? Ever thought about that, Dave?

Anyway, he seems genuinely pissed when the interviewer even mentions the other Beatles and he refuses to even admit he still talks to any of them. Why?

John's just so benevolent and selfless. He's completely straight, of course, but he's always offering to do gay shit. You know. To be nice.

I forget that not only was May their literal employee, but she was ten years younger on top of that. And yet, she managed to do so much good in that relationship. I have so much respect for her.

There's obviously a lot going on behind the scenes that they don't say in interviews. Duh. But I wonder what it is that caused Paul to be so open and happy in this interview where he's asked about the other Beatles compared to before. I wonder if he and John had a really lovely talk, or if he's heard a demo of “I know, I know.” Or maybe it's just he's so reassured that they've got rid of Klein that he feels safe acting open to a reunion on record. Who knows, Yoko.

So so smart to pair “In My Life” handwritten lyrics with the matching lyrics of “I know I know” playing at the same time. I forget about that connection (“I love you more”) because it's so overshadowed by the “than yesterday” right after. I seriously wonder if John thought he was being so obvious with this one the way he was with HDYS and half hoped people would ask him if it was about Paul and he could make up for the whole thing. Because it's just so heavy-handed. It's beautiful. I love it. I'm sure Paul loved it. But yeah. John's just beating us over the head with the references here.

I also wonder (very tentatively!!!) if Paul was maybe a bit more emotionally vulnerable with John than we usually think. I would never think this except for the “you know I nearly broke down and cried” “I'm sorry that I made you cry” and “no more crying!” I don't know. What do we think?

His little baby smirk. It's so silly and cute. He's being very positive about getting back together, and the interviewer asks if John would initiate that. Just a very coy, “a, well, I couldn't say.” I wonder if at that point if he'd said on live tv that he wanted to get together again if it would've happened. Seems like it might have, but I understand him being scared.

Elton John taking pictures like a fan and John: I wanna impound all those photos till I get me green card. What a random idea for a commercial. I love it, obviously, it's hilarious. I wonder who thought of it.

This doc is so good at implication. The smirk as “loving in the palm of my hand” plays. That's not a reference to hand jobs, is it? Certainly not talking to someone with beautiful hands?

Everyone go look up Nineteen Hundred Eighty Five on YouTube. The singing sex is something else, yeah, but I'm always so blown away by the piano part. The fact that he's self taught and doesn't read music and this man will go on to compose symphonies.

#paul mccartney #the beatles #john lennon #mclennon #linda eastman #yoko ono #understanding lennon mccartney #ulm

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narrynukezankielover · 2 months

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At this point in Ep 23 (Do You Believe In Miracles) I hate The Metatron because he tried to get the angels to not just go against Cas but to think that Cas is the bad guy and that he’s the hero but now he’s using Cas and Deans love for each other against them. He knew Dean was hesitating and that by telling Dean that Cas and Gadriel were in jail and their plan didn’t work was going to make Dean pissed off enough to attack him which he did.

At first I thought this look was because The Metatron just said this was all for Dean Winchester. You drape yourself in the flag of heaven but ultimately it was all for one man. I thought Cas was shy from The Metatron saying out load his feelings for Dean but then it clicked into my head he’s looking at the speaker. Cas is embarrassed that his feelings for Dean just got announced over the speaker and all the angels heard it.

I’m guessing since Dean was still alive when The Metatron left that he knew if he told Cas that Dean was dead (which he wasn’t at this point) that Cas would be in shock (which clearly he was) and he wouldn’t be able to think straight.

I love this scene in season 10 ep 1. Cas said I miss him to Sam and Sams reaction was just yeah. This makes me wonder how many times in the four months that Dean was gone has Cas said that to Sam. They both miss Dean but in different ways. Cas misses him like a boyfriend. He misses protecting each other, caring for each other, their special moments. Sam misses Dean like a brother. He wants Dean to not be hurt or to hurt anyone else.

At the end of this scene Cas looks soooo depressed and lost. I’m actually about halfway through season 10 and I know Cas said that angels can find people that pray to them, they can feel pinning or if someone wants to tell them something. This makes sense for this scene because not only can Cas not find Dean but he can’t feel him either. In the next episode when Sam tells him that Dean is a demon it’s like it clicks into Cas head that’s why I couldn’t feel him. He’s depressed that Dean is gone, that he probably for the first time since they met he can’t feel Dean, his stolen grace is making him sick, he’s not as strong as he was and Sam doesn’t want his help. He feels useless. Which is why I think he went with Hannah so quickly. She wanted his help and needed his help.

The other thing is I thought at first it was weird that Cas isn’t staying at the bunker but I think he didn’t feel comfortable staying there without Dean and Sam probably didn’t ask him to. I know Cas hasn’t told Sam how sick he actually is and maybe if Sam knew that he would ask him to stay at the bunker but he doesn’t.

I’m just adding this because I asked for more shirtless Cas scenes and I got it.

Also Hannah irritates me though. She constantly flirts with Cas, telling him that Dean and Sam are bad influences on him and wondering why Sam would ask for Cas help when he’s as sick as he is. She was the one that told Cas not to loose it over one man and she heard what The Metatron said over the speakers so she knows Cas loves Dean but she’s choosing to ignore it. Yes Sam asked for Cas help which I think he would do even if he knew how sick Cas is because he knows how bad Cas wants Dean back.

In ep 3 (Soul Survivor) of course Cas would control Dean with a hug. I love it.

When Sam was putting the needle of blood in Deans arm Cas couldn’t even watch. Cas is looking to the side. He can’t handle watching Dean having to go through this.

Then in the second picture Cas is finally happy again to have Dean as a human. This is adorable.

Dean has been human for a few minutes and he’s already flirting with Cas. Telling him he looks good.

Dean tells Cas I’m happy you’re here man. To me this feels like Dean is still feeling guilty for telling Cas to leave the bunker when he was human (even though that wasn’t Deans fault and Cas understands that) and he’s happy that when he needed Cas Cas was there for him.

This is just another gay scene that Dean is a part of. The guy told Dean to get on his knees and Dean said I’m flattered.

#castiel #cockles #dean x castiel #destiel #deancas

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narwhalandchill · 2 months

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also mistake not my silence on the summer event story now that its all out for not paying attention bc. well firstly not going to be the subject of this post but seriously just the . Overall implications of the whole thing when it comes to teyvat and genshin as a whole? wild stuff like are they rly out there revealing the entire cosmology now 😭 (tho i kinda have. Mixed thoughts as well)

anyway secondly and most importantly because of course i have priorities (its ajax we all know) . soooo simulanka and names eh?

HUH!

well not that i was any doubter to begin with in that it like. meant something when hit game jenshin impact featuring guy already foreshadowed and being set up for some real curious world-overturning and celestia torching business etc etc etc coincidentally named. ajax. among other things. that the same game happening to Also begin introducing this whole other ajax/aias as an actual historical figure featured within the games lore and legends. would very much be just a massive fucking thing we Should be taking very seriously in terms of his future development but like thanks very much for confirming it too uwu

anyway let us look at my favorite french cultist scribbled note for no particular reason once more just to celebrate the occasion

i mean what can i say man . truly the endgame relevance long term allegations continue undodged 😤😤

anyway whats kinda funny to me is the way a lot of ppls reaction to this name confirmation seems to be like. omg ajax is in trouble now bc irl mythology ajax died and ajax/aias of genshin also seems to have possibly had a shit fate by the end im so worried omg . when like. literally the second part to this whole "name = inheriting destiny" thing we see in simulanka is that . with the right circumstances . the one that inherits the name and destiny is not necessarily doomed to that exact same outcome as the original . like we all did see how we saved simulanka durin right?? and how the existence of mini durin may now open up the possibility of teyvats durin to receive a different outcome to his tale???? right??

like why do ppl have so little faith in childe im 😭 like if you ask me hes Already giving indication of defying his fate in a multitude of ways (vision malfunction being a big one) so personally i simply think we need to let him do his thing and see where he goes with it . i have faith in him like if Anyones abt to subvert the fate hes been set up with be it due to his name or any other reason . its gonna be him lmao

like. its not even new stuff kwdwdjkdwjk

either way tho . even if this fucker straight up "dies" or goes MIA im not even that worried bc. ppl worrying about this "tragic fate" his namesake seems to be conferring to him by default with simulankas explicit confirmation of a names meaning . and its just are we straight up missing the fact that this historical ajax/aias is Literally connected to that rent free narzissenkreuz note that EXPLICITLY aligns this "tragedy" with the theme of REBIRTH. and becoming a descender straight up .

like maybe its just me but this Really isnt giving "omg childe is going to die due to mirroring the fate of ajax" its giving "childe is Literally being set up to become sth descender equivalent one way or another AND theyre doubling down on it now" im sorry 😭

like. even the implications of phrases like. "forsaking the self" to be reborn in the abyss just reminds me of this. weird panic people have around childes vision malfunction as if its like. vision is GOOD ambition and his GOOD ending and his GOOD characteristics and it malfunctioning means BAD EVIL SIN ambition and WRONG characteristics is taking over!!!!!!!11! hes being torn into two different directions and the abyss is bad and vision (=celestia) is good!!!!!1

and its like. say we even buy that (but like dang what a sustainer sponsored take to have in a. gnostic inspired lore environment JWSJKJKSF) . that his. "correct" and "healthy" destiny as vision wielder (that Every single recipient of a "gods EYE" gets like forcibly and irrevocably bound to by design and surely this isnt problematic at all) . is a part of that "self" that is being forsaken and twisted as his destiny pushes against celestias control and his connection to said vision falters . lets say we assume that is a "bad" thing for his "intended" path and destiny somehow .

(which YES it prolly is. but only within the bounds of a world order set up by the heavenly principles!!! of COURSE the HP would force people into destinies and paths that Only serve the continuity of its rule!!! and doesnt shake up the system!! like yes a vision likely represents and assigns to people a "Good" ambition but thats not from the recipients POV thats from celestias POV and at this point its just. fellas. we are not supposed to buy into that at face value lmao)

which like. again. i v much dont buy anyway i think every single time genshin calls something sin or forbidden it should be assessed v critically.

but even with that assumption we can still see how this very note is already implicating that "forsaking the self" is Literally a prerequisite . in this grand destiny featuring ajax/aias . for reaching True rebirth as a holy infant and a descender and all that . for defying the shackles of the heavens . for gaining a will that rivals the world . right???

+ also if like. forsaking the self being mayhaps and perchance more of a GOOD thing in a world with preordained and unyielding destiny set up by false divinity wasnt already established enough

welp thank you rene narzissenkreuz.

oh "excising the self" you say?? that sure sounds a bit like "forsaking the self" doesnt it ??? how curious that it would be considered less of a "death" and more of a "rebirth" indeed . and that a vision to a cultist very invested in the methods available to Defy a prophecy and fate is very much a bad thing to receive . like what a coincidence that we would have a note like this as an established character already tied to a note you wrote about acquiring a descenders will is experiencing vision compatibility issues its very funny indeed.

so like ig what im trying to say is just idk for me personally if ajax is out there forsaking his self by any metric im just gonna be cheering him on <3

but yeah jkqjkwdjkwdjkwd dont mind me im just kinda rent free with how its now just even more confirmed by hoyo that this insane ajax/aias note stuff is Not meant to be coincidental At All (even tho its very funny ppl doubted the signifance to begin with at all). but also i just dont get the panicking abt it being some bad thing lmao like this is just genuinely hype as fuck for him 😭😭😭

#i do love being proven right by new lore drops on ajax man . tho yes very much late 2 the party lol this is old news by now wkkdlww #also i saw some lore talk on like. the way the theatre is made By the witches & now w the witches bringing up name-destiny ties #that whether That and his vision malfunction is behind the whole absence from the theatre #bc like what was suggested is this idea of . is the 'invitation' to the theatre just sort of a mini-prophecy ?#bc like. we do have ppl like barbeloth out there v much on that visionary level stuff .#anyway point that reddit post was making being along the lines of #is childes absence from the theatre due to him already being freed from his constellation & fate (cue narwhal blasting thru that thing.gif)#so that this mini prophecy that serves as the invitation and summoning for the theatre . is no longer obligatory for him #and its just. even if its not Exactly that as the lore basis behind his absence. its just a very cool line of thought man #anyway. rene is such a certified vision hater i love him for that #like the things hes said is just such free ammo against the 'omg vision malfunction bad' headcanon crew its great #childeposting #genshin #rambles

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disasterbiwriter · 6 months

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Okay, so first, if you're not reading @sarabethsilver's Everglow, you absolutely should be.

Additionally, a hat tip to her because her Mo Willems name drop in the latest chapter inspired this goofy little headcannon that I just came up with: namely, Jess Mariano is anti Mo Willems.

Setting the scene: Rory is pregnant, Jess is supportive. No plot, just vibes!

Enjoy!

“Overrated.”

Rory’s jaw falls open. “Get out.”

“I’m just saying.” Jess gently lays There is a Bird on Your Head! in the pile to his left.

Rory snatches it up again and presses it to her chest. “Iconoclast. Contrarian. Meanie!”

“Excuse me, did you call me here to ask you to sort Cletus’s library or not?”

She pouts up at him from her spot on the floor. “I did. I think I also threatened you with violence if you didn’t stop calling my unborn child Cletus.”

“Did you? I must’ve missed that.”

“Jess,” Rory whines. “Mo Willems. He wrote for Sesame Street. You watched Sesame Street four times a day when you were little!”

Jess leans forward in the chintzy glider Luke and Lorelai brought over earlier that week and flutters his fingers towards the low modular bookshelves lining one wall of the nursery. “And you have two other Mo Willems titles on the shelf already. I let you convince me on Knufflebunny—”

“This is the new version, with the updated dedication to Trix!”

“—and begrudgingly accepted that We Are in a Book is a solid introduction to metaliterature—”

“Begrudgingly?!”

“—but I’m putting my foot down here. Do not let the weed of Elephant Gerald choke out the rest of your literary garden, Mother Gilmore.”

“Oh, okay, let’s just add a threat of violence for using the phrase Mother Gilmore to your account.”

He laughs and shudders. “Yeah, I kinda squicked myself out on that one too.”

“So, should we consider the rest of your argument moot then? I think we should.”

“Rory, you have no more space. Are you telling me with a straight face that you’re not buying any more books between now and when the kid finally makes an appearance?”

She starts to answer him, but gives a funny little strangled yelp instead.

Immediately Jess is kneeling next to her. “What?!”

But Rory’s laughing. “Nothing, nothing. They just kicked. Hard, too.”

She doesn’t wait for permission, rather grabs his wrist and presses his hand to the lower right side of her stomach. They mutually ignore the jump of their pulses.

They wait a beat, and then:

“Oh shit!”

“Right?!”

“Mia Hamm in there.”

She smiles. “Hand me the little notebook off the nightstand? There should be a pen too.”

He unfolds himself from the floor and crosses to the other side of the room. “Counting kicks?” he asks her as he hands her both items. “Isn’t it a little early?”

Rory squints up at him and flips open the cover. “And how would you know?”

He feigns offense. “Hey, I have known upwards of two pregnant people.”

“Soooo, your mom and… me?”

“Among others.”

She laughs and makes a note on the page. “Twenty-eight weeks is when they suggest you start, so I’m right on schedule.”

“What are you supposed to record?”

(In eight months, on the phone during one of her late-night feedings when she can’t sleep and he’s the only other one awake, he’ll confess he had been reading baby books for the duration of her pregnancy. But that’s eight months away.)

“Oh, you know. Number of kicks, time since the last movement. I’m also trying to track down what the stimuli might be.”

Jess nods. “Very complete.”

She waggles the notebook at him and grins. “It’s not every day you get to record baby’s first objection to a bad take on a book.”

“Oh for…” Jess rolls his eyes and grins. “So you’re just going to, what? Buy another bookshelf for this tiny room?”

She beams at him and holds out her hands. He hauls her to her feet. “See, that’s the kind of outside the box thinking I keep you around for, Mariano.”

#gilmore girls fanfiction #gilmore girls fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #literati #jess mariano #rory gilmore #seriously though i just want to write these two arguing about books until i die #and even as a mo willems stan i love the idea of jess calling his books overrated

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magefeathers · 5 months

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youtube

My full video of the Tampa Ritual \o/ Yes, I'm insane for recording the whole thing, but also I couldn't really see through the head of the guy in front of me so I'm glad I held my phone over my head for an hour and a half. Audio quality is better than the video quality as I was quite zoomed in, but it sure is the whole show.

Show highlights, in my opinion:

it's very silly, but Vessel, iii, and iv all standing with their backs to the crowd at the end of TNDNBTG was just very cool, to me. cool guys don't look back at the explosions etc etc

also silly, but watching Adam run around stage taking pictures was fun

just. the way the crowd screams when iii and iv (but especially iii) come out onto the stage, and every time they come back out. iii sure is the master of crowd control and the crowd adores him for it

Vessel's barking during The Offering, because me too bestie it's a fun verbal stim (also all I can think of is the Letterkenny bit about DMX barking)

Vessel's screams in general, I'm not typically a fan of harsh vocals but he sounds soooo fucking good live

ii raising/holding out his arms, gesturing at the audience, making what looked like prayer hands, etc. I've seen videos of him doing that but never realized how much he did it, he's so interactive back there and I feel like a lot of the time he isn't paid attention to and/or can't be seen behind the kit

I feel like iv was doing a lot of spinning!! again it might just be bc people usually seem to focus their videoing on Vessel and iii but I wasn't expecting iv to spin as much as he did, and it was fun to watch!

iv was also hanging out on the little stand the keyboard was on for a lot of the time, it was very cute when him and Vessel were playing together up there

Atlantic. Jesus Christ. I was tearing up not only from the song but from the amount of blue lights in the audience, which the video does NOT do justice (I realize in hindsight, it's because I was so zoomed in, I wasn't capturing the full view of the stands)

watching the Espera grooving, especially during the beginning of Hypnosis and the breakdown in The Summoning, they looked like they were loving it as much as the crowd was

The beginning of Alkaline, good god. The camera drifts because I was so entranced by Vessel's stage presence that I wasn't looking at my phone for a while. The way he pulls the mic away from his face and kinda hisses on the end of desire.... I am unwell. I can't tell if you can actually see his fucking grin in this video or if it's just the lights on his face, but if you haven't seen the closeup vid someone else posted of this moment, please track it down. I've been compromised.

Missing Limbs. Fuck. I was crying. Everyone was crying. The way he sings the "without you lying next to me" and "like I've got missing limbs" broke my fucking heart. I adore this man. (bonus: you can hear me saying hell yeah at the beginning bc my bestie @/vacationbiblestudy came back from the merch booth with a shirt for me! he's the one that says "it's pretty" lol)

I'm not gonna lie, I kinda rolled my eyes at the INSANELY noticeable increase in crowd response at the beginning of Chokehold, and then again at the beginning of every TMBTE song, but honestly? The TMBTE portion of the show was genuinely my favorite. All of the songs went so fucking hard. Vessel's voice just got better and better as the show went on, idk how the hell he does it. He started the show amazing and ended the show phenomenal. Witchcraft.

The Summoning. Everything about the Summoning. It wasn't my favorite when I first heard it, but it grew on me, and god it fucks SO severely live. It's incredible. Vessel's voice, his screaming, the Espera dancing, Vessel squatting down to examine iii's playing (and the way he stands up stock straight afterward?? lmao), the DRUM SOLO!!!! and the way everyone waits for Vessel to do the damn Will Smith pose by ii and just screams for him on command, the way Vessel carried the "bad" in "make a good girl bad" god damn, everything.

iii got a mosh pit during Granite, maybe one day he'll get a real wall of death, but at least he got something lmao

the rain sound effects during Rain are really amped up live, and combined with the lights it's just so atmospheric and beautiful

Ascensionism live ALSO fucks severely. I'm surprised the camera wasn't a lot more shaky with how much I was straight up throwing ass. And the lights looking like stars against the ceiling of the stadium was so pretty, even though it didn't translate well in video. And I know I already mentioned ii's hand motions, but especially during Ascensionism, from "my redemption, eternal ascension" until the drums kick back in, ii was FEELING IT back there and I was having so much fun watching him

The bucket hat situation during TMBTE lmao I need to get a clip of just that bit and post it separately. Someone threw the hat on iii's side of the stage while the lights were down and iii was over on iv's side of the stage, and when iii came back he just picked the hat up and immediately put it on. He wore it for a while, then put it on Vessel, who also wore it for a while before just. throwing it on the fucking ground LMAO and then he proceeded to, essentially, dance around it until the song ended and a crew member threw it back out into the crowd

EUCLID!!!!!!!! GOD. GOD. I was getting teary eyed and then the way Vessel sang "do you remember me" just broke the dam and had me sobbing. iii getting the crowd clapping and then stopping them because they weren't on rhythm, and making them start again, iii wearing Sleep Token Mickey ears???? THE NIGHT BELONGS TO YOU!!!! and Vessel literally on his fucking knees for the whole end of the song 😭😭😭😭 and again, Adam in the bg taking pictures (god I hope they get posted at some point)

THIS GOT A LOT LONGER THAN EXPECTED............... THE WHOLE SHOW WAS A HIGHLIGHT. The fact that you can't hear me singing along, or screaming, is a highlight, because I absolutely fucking was. The whole show was fucking incredible, 100000/10, would recommend until I'm blue in the face, worth every goddamn penny I spent and ounce of financial stress the trip put me in. I will never fucking forget it. Especially since I have video evidence lmao

#sleep token #teeth of god tour #videos #i'm emotionally compromised!#I was handing out bracelets on the way out of the show so if you got a bracelet with black/white/red/gold glitter beads then hi!#i got one bracelet one keychain and $5 in return lmao but giving them out was so much fun it was worth all the time I spent on them #especially the person who said they never get offered things. if you're out there. i love you. i wanted to hug you.#i also never get offered things and that was why i wanted to make things and give them out #yeah I was kinda hoping to trade more and get more keepsakes but!!#the amount of people who sounded so disappointed when they said they didn't have anything to trade and then got so excited #when i said they could still have one?? honestly better memories than any keepsake #if i gave you a bracelet i love you and hope you got home safe and if i didn't get to give you one i hope i get the chance again one day!#Youtube

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stevie-petey · 4 months

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m what a very delicious chapter four that was! also crazy to think that you're already halfway through the season so congrats!! also congrats on ur semester ending, that's awesome :D!

i loooooove the casual intimacy of stug this episode, all the actions of them just knowing that their place was by the other's side is soooo beautiful and omg bug actively thinking of how she loves steve in her head!!!! beautiful!!! and steve truly becoming a part of the henderson family with bug and dustin standing by him the way they would for each other when steve craves family the most ooooooo m don't do that to my heart!!!!! watching steve and bug grow closer and closer and more and more confident in each other and sure of each of their place in each other's lives is very sweet. the line of steve and bug feeling stable and sure whiile they are fighting is such a nice break from other parts of their lives where the disagreement IS the relationship, or it certainly feels defining of the relationship in that moment, instead of a natural course that just happens with two people. i also like the fairly reasonable side you give to both steve and bug. Bug's worries about her friends and family are entirely reasonable obviously, but omg i've been in steve's shoes countless times and i would drink mercury straight outta the bottle if it meant someone would tell me i'm doing the right thing. and i think that's a testament to your skill. it's difficult to create an argument where both sides have valid points and reasons to stand their grounds but remain respectful throughout.

dustin and bug are cute as always, very cute sibling moments! i loved seeing erica, she's a real treasure, and the sinclair siblings are low key my fave kids in the series <3 also i love that bug carries a knife because honestly at that point, why wouldn't you?

okay i really wanted to talk about this nancy and bug thing which is simply fascinating to me, particularly the difference in steve and nancy's reaction? firstly, i once again supporting val in jon being weirdo loser boy! what jon did was soooo lame!!!! WHY is he going to vent to the girl he left for nancy about his relationship problems WITH NANCY like miss girl that is not the move.......even if that girl is weirdly chill about it (which i think is fun remnant of being once boundary-less with each other which does need to change for both of them). also i would make sure there is an underwater volcano wherever val pushes him off the boat so that he is forced to become molten lava and crushed into sediment with the very boulder that was bound to him. and he does deserve that because he also hurt nancy! truly nothing more real than bug actively feeling like she's made the wrong dialogue choice in a social interaction. i felt very bad for her, it is NOT a good position to be stuck in between a couple, least of all, with THIS history. also nancy immediately getting upset at jon, frankly i really get it that is a fair thing to be mad at, especially with her well established insecurity about bug and jon's history with each other, and i think the thing that makes it hurt is that jon kind of knows it?? and still does it???? especially with nancy's context of having a fight and then not talking to her about it and then fighting in the morning.......if i were nancy's freind i'd be cheering for her to break up. and bug immediately trying to explain herself and ALSO explain jon os such a oooo tough mood to feel while nancy just feels like its a defence of jon is sooooo oooooo like yeah that is definitely a situation that johnathan has created!!! i also think its very interesting to how steve responds, very securely and calmly, and i think it speaks to not only how sure he feels about her, but also how differently jon postions in steve's life than bug does in nancy's? like i can't help but think of the terrible "she's everything i'm not" thought that nancy has had for a bit, compared to steve who yeah, is feeling low, but has never really compared himself to jon on such an intrinsic level, other than thinking bug deserves better than jon (she does!). very fun set up here and i can't wait to see how you develop it, i am soooo looking forward to the torture scene and possible revelations!!!

hi darling !!

u touched on SO MUCH

i will say that steves insecurities will shine through more in season 4. season 3 kinda sets up everyone for the next season. while steve will never necessarily be jealous of jon, there will be some tensions in regards to the mans fear of abandonment lmao. as for nancy and bug and jon: its such a mess. jon went to bug because hes exhausted and worried and knows that bug understands what he does and DOESNT say. its only something they have together due to their history. for nance: jon loves her and they have their own form of communication for their stubbornness and need to be right, but ultimately this makes them clash as well. nancy is upset BECAUSE she’s recognizing that bug has jons softer understanding while she has his harder understanding (if that makes sense). hes always weak around bug and strong around nancy and she just wants him to be soft with her too (and he wants nancy to be soft as well, show vulnerability)

theyre basically just a giant “pls be vulnerable” mess that shoves bug in between em. poor girl.

i will also point out that bug went to jon for steve advice as well. yeah they have their history together but they didnt just use each other as a crutch for free therapy sessions. she used jon to vent to as well because he will always be there for her and help her and want whats best, regardless of how they ended. im not defending jon 100%, but in that moment he wasnt thinking “i’ll vent to bug because shes always been weak for me” it was “im confused and scared and overwhelmed and need to talk to my best friend” :(

the sinclairs >>>>>> and YES FOR CASUAL STUG !!! theyre learning <3333

#procrastinationprincesses #ask #m speaks #nyas insight #jon and his relationship with the girls is such a complex web of emotions and history ugh #but i LOVE how u analyze <3333

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lunar-years · 4 months

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Definitely agree with your post. Twitter can get so nasty. 👎

Also agree that season 3 keeley deserved more. I really wish that Jack had been a better human and that they could have explored that more. *working on alternative season 3 moments for keeley*

So, I like having my fandom twitter because I tend to see way more cast pics & updates there (or at least quicker) than I do on tumblr. But the TL space is undeniably dominated by a group of people who are straight up constantly nasty about the show they've created fan accounts for and are still talking about constantly a year later, despite repeatedly stating they actively hate nearly everything about it. And it's literally impossible to engage with any TL content there without running into (constantly) that group of nasty people!!! ugh

As for Keeley, she totally deserved more! I think they were sooo close to doing something interesting/achieving what I assume they'd set out to achieve with her character, but they did miss the mark in s3 unfortunately :( I've talked about it a lot before so I won't bore you, but my biggest problem with it is that I think they were (maybe?) trying to do an imposter syndrome thing and instead made her look incompetent and genuinely bad at her job. Which is soooo frustrating to me throughout the whole season! They didn't do a good job at showing her grow outside of her relationships generally and within her career specifically, and that sucks!! I also of course wish Jack had been a better person, for Keeley's sake, but I didn't actually hate that storyline in and of itself. Moreso that by the time their relationship was introduced and subsequently fell apart, the show had run out of time to do anything interesting with it in terms of Keeley processing the aftermath and getting her business and herself back on track! I really really wanted to see her grow into herself and become more confident and less dependent on solely relationships for fulfillment.

ANYWAY! I obviously enjoy analyzing the show and critiquing various aspects I think could have been executed better (there are admittedly quite a few of them) , but at the end of the day I love the show and I LOVE Keeley and I try to mostly focus on what I love over what I didn't love, something twitter fans do not seem to have any concept of, lol.

#ted lasso #fandom critical #asks #the whole thing with jack could have been SUCH a good lead in to a whole unpacking of keeley's psyche but they ran out of time :(#definitely would LOVE to hear your alternative vision for s3 Keeley tho!!!

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cactus-cass · 1 year

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oooooooh you wanna talk about ur headcanons sooo bad

(srsly tho i'd love to see :3)

rubs my evil little hands together

Thank you kindly for the ask. I finally have an excuse to infodump about headcanons hehehehehe

You didn't specify who for, soooo I'm gonna go for 3 star fam + Cassie for this

Gregory Bowman

14 (at the time of RUIN, 12 during GGY)

Venezuelan

The most GNC kid you've ever seen, but people confuse him for a girl sometimes. He isn't super happy about that (he's ftm). Also, he's bi

Autistic

He gets overwhelmed with crowds, bright lights and strong smells (especially as patient 46. The Mimic made his autism stronger /hj)

He also gets migraines when the Mimic/Dr. Rabbit is messing with his mind.

He has a special interest in coding! He wanted to make video games when he was a little younger

Doesn't like to let his emotions get to him. He tries to push forward through them no matter what.

He tries to act tough to spite his small stature, and got into fights in school often because of it

Vanessa does his hair now. He likes it the way it is, so doesn't ask her to change it. He has let Cassie style it for fun before

His hair was hacked at with a pocket knife to keep it short while he was Dr. Rabbit. It looked far worse in GGY era than SB era.

Since hanging out with Cassie, he's been putting makeup on regularly. It's only black eyeliner and nail polish, though

He's always drawing or doodling. He finds it relieves stress if he doesn't overthink it (which, like all artists, he sometimes does)

Gets a lot of graphic nightmares about what the Mimic did while in his mind. Before recovering his memory, he thought they were just that– nightmares.

He's seriously scared of the dark, to the point he hallucinates things moving in it

Used to own every piece of Freddy merch there was, until he ran away from home

He came from a fairly rich family. Not super rich, but rich enough to own a big house. It was mainly his relatives and his dad that had the money, while his mom was simply an indie writer

His parents threw money at him sometimes, and once he'd met Tony it'd gone straight to him a number of times

Was homeless for a few months, living on the streets and spending many nights at Cassie's. Eventually he started staying at the Pizzaplex. His memories of where and when are muddled.

Sees Vanessa as an older sister figure, Cassie a younger sister, and Freddy as parental (but don't tell any of them that)

One of his front teeth is missing because it was knocked it out while someone fought him back as Dr. Rabbit.

He's part of the 1% that actually likes sodaroni.

Vanessa A.

Lesbian

Loved cooking, reading and gaming before the Glitchtrap stuff happened. She's slowly gotten back into it after taking Gregory in, but doesn't play games very often anymore unless it's with him.

She's really awkward with people she doesn't know very well. And, despite trying her best, she often ends up freaking people out with some insanely obscure dark fact she knows, usually about Fazbear Entertainment's past.

Remembers everything from when she was Vanny, but it is slightly fuzzy

She pushed away all her friends and family when she was Vanny, and has yet to reconnect out of worry of something going wrong and them ending up hurt. She has considered sending Gregory to be with them in the past.

Her grandmother passed not long before she was Vanny, and the two were particularly close. She'd taken the house and had not been able to live in it until she was freed.

She used to be louder, but now she tends to be quiet and reserved. Some of her old personality shines through when she's with Gregory, when she teases him like an older sibling would

She's paranoid and overthinks things. She's scared Fazbear Entertainment will come knocking for Freddy, or that the Mimic will find out where they are through the internet, or a variety of irrational fears

Has a large scar on her waist from stray machinery in the sinkhole

Hasn't told Gregory about what the Mimic truly is, nor what it did to him, hoping to protect him.

Since Gregory can't remember much of his life from before, Vanessa promises she'll help him remember-- but she's grateful for some of the things he doesn't.

Freddy Fazbear

He charges overnight in the basement with a contraption Gregory came up with using an old car battery. The battery lasts 12 hours before needing a recharge.

He has been accidentally left in a room alone by Gregory and Vanessa before, who forget sometimes that he's just a head now

On occasion the trio go on picnics to quiet places where they can be alone, and on these occasions Freddy gets to see the world– he's very excited about seeing new things outside of the plex!

He can now connect to the internet, and was able to download all of the Pizzaplex's blueprints this way. He can also now be used as a projector.

Since his Faz-wrench port was on his body, Gregory fitted a USB port to Freddy's head; it's janky, but it works long enough to transfer a few files.

Gregory has asked about Bonnie, although Freddy doesn't talk about him much. He mostly fondly recalls memories before getting upset and not wanting to speak more.

He's often the one to stop the sibling-ish arguments between Vanessa and Gregory

He doesn't know it, but Gregory's been researching how to build small animatronics for a few months so he can build Freddy a new body as a surprise. He… Hasn't gotten very far, yet

He still sings on occasion, but finds it brings him memories of his friends, which (similarly to Bonnie) he doesn't like to think about too much.

He feels incredibly guilty for what happened to all of his friends. He doesn't blame Gregory in the slightest, but does wish he'd taken a different approach.

Cassie Reyes

14 (at the time of RUIN, her birthday was that very day)

Dominican

AuDHD

Trans + bi, like Gregory! But is mtf

Loves video games and would play them with Gregory all the time. She tended to prefer cosier games, while he liked RPGs– they played Minecraft together often, which kept them both satisfied.

Super emotional, considers herself a crybaby. She tries to hide it behind a sassy, sometimes bossy exterior

She imagines alternate situations a lot and pretends things are different than they really are. She can't cope with change or loss very easily.

When she wants to do something, she will do anything to achieve her goal + won't rest until she does. She overworks herself and thinks too much about things she shouldn't

Her mom died when she was 6. It's been just her and her dad since then

Her dad recently (as of RUIN) left for some reason, he didn't say– only leaving money and a note. She might drive herself crazy looking for him in future.

She's the weird kid in class. She doesn't have any real friends and gets bullied for being into 'childish things'.

The wolf kid. The very reason she prefers Roxy over the others.

Her second favorite character is Chica! Although she likes all the characters a lot. She also remembers liking Bonnie before he disappeared-- even her dad couldn't tell her what happened.

She watches cartoons and writes essays or fics about them in her spare time

While Gregory was homeless and visiting her, on the colder days, she'd let him in for movies and hot cocoa and they'd make a blanket fort. Sometimes Gregory would spend these nights falling asleep on Cassie, watching her play animal crossing or stardew valley

She won both the Roxy and Freddy talky for her and Gregory at the Pizzaplex during her birthday. Gregory would sometimes come within range while she was at home just to walkie something incredibly stupid or annoying, before getting out of range too fast for Cassie's complaints to be heard

She hates sodaroni and feels nauseous every time Gregory drinks it right in front of her like it's nothing.

#My sillies #If you wanna see more hcs just ask!!#This is only the tip of the iceberg for these three #And I haven't even gotten into the other characters.....#Also ALL of this is canon to Aftermath!! Sometimes my hcs differ between fics jshdjbd #There are hints to plot points in this lmao #fnaf #fnaf security breach #fnaf ruin #gregory #Vanessa #Cassie #glamrock freddy #Headcanons #GGY

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freeuselandonorris · 6 months

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Umm hi. I am here to get some big sibling life stories and comfort from your asks again. I noticed you anwered one ask that if you knew the term you would have identify as ageosexual for years. Can you like what changed? What made you found the kink side? Why were you volunteraly not having sex for years? I am just personally really struggling with my own sexuality and letting people close is hard to figure out if I am just scared or on a-spectre. (Don't feel pressure to answer)

hi little sibling anon! ❤️

so, i've always been a very highly sexual person mentally, but to me the high sex drive (i am CONSTANTLY thinking about sex and have been pretty much since i hit puberty) is not actually all that linked to the desire to have physical sex, if that makes sense.

between the ages of 17-22, i had almost uniformly miserable sex. i was struggling with various mental illnesses and horrifically poor impulse control mixed with binge drinking, so my sex life between those years mainly consisted of, at best, drunken one night stands, and at worse - well, i'm sure you can imagine. so at some point i just kind of swore off the whole thing, thought i'd maybe just take a six month break or whatever... and that somehow turned into about eight years. and honestly, i didn't miss it. i read fic a lot, i masturbated pretty much every day, but i rarely had the desire for sex and i never fantasised about myself (hence my comment about ageosexuality).

i can't pinpoint one moment that changed. part of it was just getting more mentally healthy in general, part of it was coming off birth control that had artificially dampened my sex drive (fuck you, progesterone-only pill!), part of it was meeting a partner online and being able to develop our sex life in a way that felt doable (i.e. a lot of sexting) before we met in person. and it was at that point that i started getting into kink more seriously (i'd always known i was attracted to it - even as a kid, before i understood what kink was, i was attracted to the same stuff i sexualise now), and that was a revelation. honestly, even now i could probably live pretty cheerfully without 'standard' sex for the rest of my life (assuming i was allowed to jerk off lol), but i couldn't live without some sort of kink practice. even now, i don't actually have sex/practice partnered kink that often! it's generally about once a month. but i think about/talk about/write about sex constantly thanks to my delicious feral friends and mutuals, and that to me is a fulfilling sex life. would i welcome partnered sex/kink more often if the opportunity presented? sure. could i live without it? absolutely.

ALL THIS TO SAY (long-winded and oversharing as usual) that sexuality can and does change! for me, part of it was undoubtedly fear from previous bad experiences, but part of it was simply that i hadn't yet understood what my sexuality did consist of. and that is something that comes with time, and with being honest with yourself. of course some people know from a very young age that they're ace and live their entire lives without that changing, in the same way that some people have always known they were gay or straight or any other sexual identity. but equally, for plenty of people, it changes over time, and that doesn't make it any more or less valid.

soooo if i'm going to give you some big-sibling advice, i would say that of course you can define yourself in a way that fits you and feels good to you, but that definition doesn't have to be a one-time-only thing. you are allowed to see your sexuality as a fluid thing that shifts over time, whether that's due to circumstances or simply who you are as a person changing. if you don't want to let people close to you right now, then you don't have to (and in fact i'd recommend you don't, for a little while at least, because it doesn't sound like you're enjoying the experiences you do have currently), but you don't have to assign a definition to it if that doesn't feel right. and conversely, you can assign a term to describe it to yourself and others and then change that term in the future if it doesn't fit anymore. you can say to yourself: 'okay, i don't want to have sex at the moment', and that can be enough.

#answered

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alangdorf · 5 months

Text

Untagged ramble post about the the fic writing I’ve been doing + snippets (kind of a lot of them actually whoops) since idk if I’ll ever actually finish them let’s gooo (spoilers for said fics obvi)

Forgetting about Tsubakura’s hat when writing is my new forgetting about Vanitas’ Unversed when writing. Though in my defense I refuse to believe that their current normal outfit is what they used to wear to work because that is so many lab dress code violations including OPEN-TOED SHOES??!??!

Relatedly I had a funny moment of realization where I was like “wait I’m writing about throwing up black goop AGAIN??? What a coincidence”

Thus far I have caused one of my friends (not a len’en fan, only knows about it through my talking about it) to have TWO separate dreams about Len’en characters. I have since also had a dream about them but this friend had two before it even happened to me once (also I may have incorporated one or two aspects of said dreams into my stuff…)

I still write in my notes app with asterisks (discord markdown) for italics. I will never change and that is a promise

Btw in order the fics are: “Tsubakura makes terrible life decisions for two months straight and then Suzumi responds to them breaking up with her by faking her own death: the fic”

Followed by “The fact that there isn’t a unique ending for BPoHC Secret Team neutral route with Tsubakura as stage 6 boss has been plaguing me and I’m ‘boutta make it everyone else’s problem” (the actual current working title) (aka thinly veiled excuse for characters having sex that’s actually a thinly veiled excuse for Suzumi to explain why they did all that nonsense in the previous fic)

Then “Hamal Cine Bad End but I had to make a whole entire oc before deciding there would be anything there worth writing because if it was just Hamal and Tsubakura interacting it would be completely unreadable (featuring second person pov yet again!! So maybe it’s unreadable anyways idk)”

And finally “I couldn’t figure out how to finish that last fic satisfyingly so instead I started writing Tsubakura pov of before and after it but that means like half of it is just Hamal and Tsubakura which is what I was trying to avoid earlier whoops! The other half is logistics (actually that’s a lie the vast majority of it is logistics. What can I say I like logistics in my angst)”

Assuming Suzumi’s eye color just looks like brown to other people cause otherwise that would make the alters extremely obvious (I think zara also did this the other day ehe)

Arde should’ve been at the cluuuuub (Seriously though Arde has quickly skyrocketed into being one of my fave Len’en characters and also probably the person I feel the most bad for in at least my version of pre-canon. Like they all made bad decisions there but Arde had soooo much nonsense to deal with and extremely few viable alternatives)

I just now remembered the Japanese school year is different and I should look up what colleges typically do there

Unfortunately I cannot figure out how to google “what is the Japanese government’s procedure for reintegrating a formerly missing person into society when their kidnapping was a 37-year-old cold case (completely unrelated to the kidnapping they just escaped from) and also they’re largely made up of nanomachines or whatever now and have very advanced peripheral neuropathy and no living friends or relatives aside from this one rando who’s known them for about an hour (in the year 2050)”

Trying to make sense of Suzumi’s powers AAAAAAAAAA are the clones DIEGETIC??? Is Hooaka’s arm just gone FOREVER?? At the very least the disguise ability being Benny’s main ability would make some sense for how I’m writing them if. It’s even possible for them to turn it on and then have Arde front afterwards agh idk

Period-accurate communications tech also continues to be a completely self-inflicted thorn in my side. I’m assuming you could delete sent messages on whatever mobile messaging service Japanese young adults were using circa 2010 because I saw a post from 2017 saying you could do that on wechat and I can’t be bothered to do deeper research when it would significantly change my plot to find out otherwise

So you know how that one drawing of mine with Tsubakura and Tsurubami keeps just getting tagged as those two when it’s actually secretly suzutsuba (even moreso now that I’ve been developing Arde more lol)? That’s how I felt realizing that all my suzutsuba stuff is actually pointing to endgame yabutsuba (romantic or qpp idk idc) (also sorry ybtb fans I’m with you but I’m probably just gonna keep writing suzutsuba instead because my brain focuses on angst 100% of the time)

Semi-relatedly the aforementioned oc is named Koemi Oumura and happens to look a fair amount like Yabusame, which is presumably just a coincidence because Yabusame is the one character confirmed to not have any homeologues (extremely funny and scary fun fact), though I did come up with her name by like moving all the kanji in Yabu’s name a little to the left so lol who knows

While doing game dialogue research I ended up realizing that part of shrine team’s convo with Sanra is Tsubakura going “yeah clothes should be comfortable and unrestrictive!” and I was like “whoops… just gonna partially ignore that cause I’ve already been hcing the fact that you bind sometimes lol sorry”

Hamal gives herself biological immortality which is brought up only as a one-liner gag

Also I hope the way I write her dialogue isn’t like, too annoying. I cannot be bothered to copy paste unicode eighth notes wait a second I have a Japanese keyboard??! Oh well; still can’t be bothered so I’m just working with tildes and hearts. My friend tried to express which Len’en character showed up in its dream by saying “which suzumi is the ~ one. that one”

Ok time for assorted snippets (all mixed up just to keep ya guessing, though they also feel a little poetic in this arrangement. Mostly from the first fic since that’s the one I most want to post [and also the only one that’s T instead of M]) and then the sex stuff will be quarantined afterwards

Tsubakura pulls out their phone and sinks to the ground, breathing heavily (partially from the exertion). They look through their contacts. Yabusame is missing yet again. Haltingly, they punch in her number (they have it memorized, they triple-checked that they had it memorized just yesterday) and hit dial.

They start talking as soon as it picks up. “Yabu, I know I told you to let me handle things on my own for now, but I… I changed my mind; I need help, I-I don’t know what to do—”

The voice that interrupts them is not Yabusame’s, but they’d still recognize it anywhere. “Oh! Hello~! Expecting someone else, were we? Silly Tsuba~<3”

Tsubakura hangs up abruptly and just. Sits there. After a few minutes they check their phone to confirm, but it’s obvious that the number they have in their head is Suzumi’s. In fact, every number they have saved to their contacts is Suzumi’s. They don’t even bother with trying to remember their friends’ street addresses; they just hope she at least left them the route to the lab.

So. The message is abundantly clear. They’re alone in this. (And if the reason they’re late to work that day is because they curled up next to a dumpster and cried until they got scared she might come outside looking for them, well, that’s nobody’s business but their own.)

“The old Suzumi never quite worked up the courage to tell you all of this, but they really looked up to you, y’know? She was awestruck from the day you met. Renowned prodigy Tsubakura Enraku, this kid who was so smart, and educated, and accomplished, and cool, and attractive, and self-assured, and not even any older than she was? Who not only accepted her affections, but reciprocated them? Invited her to live with them? Ohh, she put you on a pedestal a mile high~! Gave them quite the inferiority complex, you did~ And then—“

“Don’t,” Tsubakura breathes, but she’s not done saying her piece yet.

“—The Accident happened. And what did you do? You blamed everything on her to save you own skin. While she was in the hospital, even! You betrayed her.”

“But that wasn’t—”

Hamee clamps a hand over their mouth and clucks her tongue disapprovingly. “It doesn’t matter what you thought you were doing. You’re smarter than that, Tsu~ba~ku~ra~. You know what it would’ve looked like. Felt like. And you certainly didn’t try to clear up any misconceptions with the higher-ups afterwards, did you~?”

Tsubakura looks mortified. It’s a good look on them.

Hamee chuckles and skims her hand down to the center of their chest. “And it broke Suzumi’s poor li’l heart~</3 Well, specifically Ardey’s, at that point. All her monumental faith in you just crumbled to dust. She’s wanted nothing more than good old-fashioned revenge on you ever since.”

…

Ardey’s silence in their head is palpable.

What? No pithy comments this time~?

Don’t talk to me right now.

If you say so~

Tsubakura’s heartbeat feels like a hummingbird caught beneath her fingertips, but they put on their best brave face. “And? What about you, Ha- whatever you said your name was. What exactly is your deal supposed to be?”

“Oh, me? Pretty little Hamee~? Well…” She gently cradles their head in her hands and leans in close, smiling serenely. Their already barely-stoic facade cracks just from that. “I never stopped seeing you as that beautiful, perfect genius that Suzumi idolized so! I still keep you up on that pedestal, Tsubakura-sama~<3 And all I want to do…” She whispers the last part in their ear like a catty schoolgirl telling a mean joke. “…is drag you down from it. Until you’re just as sad and broken as the rest of us~ Forever and ever <3”

And suddenly Hamal is there (still pretty hot, admittedly, but the effect is mitigated significantly by literally everything else about her), smiling without a care in the world, cupping Tsubakura’s face delicately in her hands like she isn’t currently out in a thunderstorm with a pistol tucked into her waistband, about to actually kill someone (specifically, YOU!!!) just to torment them. “Ohh, Tsubakura-sama… did you really think you could ever escape me~?”

When they tune back in to the present, Yabusame’s talking again. “—and a little while after you hung up, you sent me a photo of a handwritten note, and I didn’t really understand it, ‘cause the handwriting was weird and I think I didn’t know some of the kanji, but before I could ask you what that was all about, you deleted it, and none of my messages or calls have gone through since then!”

Tsubakura looks up from where they’ve been reflexively clutching at their head to see Yabusame standing over them all concerned, hands still out like she wants to touch them but can’t. (Right; she doesn’t know where they’re injured. They’re not 100% sure themself.) Mechanically, they reach down to grab their phone from their pocket and check it over. Nothing out of the ordinary except that there’s no trace of last night’s call, and Yabusame’s number is blocked and deleted from their contacts, which they quickly rectify. “Issue was on my end. Should go through now.”

“Okayyyyy…” Yabusame pouts, and then draws back a little and fidgets nervously. “Y’know, I checked for you here and at your favorite bar, and when you weren’t either of those places, I thought reeeeally hard about checking your apartment, but you said that if I ever popped into your apartment without an invitation again, you’d string me up by my ankles!” They briefly do an impression of Tsubakura lecturing them before getting even more subdued. “And, I figured, if you were at home, and Suzumi was there, ‘cause they’re always at home these days, that either Suzumi could fix the problem, or maybe Suzumi was the problem, and I was worried that me showing up maybe would’ve. Made it worse.” She tilts her head and looks at them imploringly, the platonic ideal of puppy-dog eyes. “Was that stupid of me?”

(There’s very little point in attempting anything else, even if they were able to; it all leads to the same outcome. She loves them when they struggle against her. She loves them when they love her back. She loves them when they give up entirely. She loves every single aspect of them. She loves the very concept of them. There’s nothing they could do that could possibly dissuade her. There’s no way to win anymore.)

Hoojiro’s brows knit together, but she doesn’t make any sort of remark about the strangeness of their behavior just yet, instead holding out their phone, which she must’ve retrieved from wherever it was they’d flung it last night. Or this morning, technically. Who cares. “Your phone. It sounds like Su-somebody’s calling?” She’s clearly trying to be delicate, but it’s on silent. She must’ve looked at the screen. She knows who it is.

Tsubakura deflates back into their chair, taking the phone only to drop it face-down on the table in front of them. (They don’t want to risk declining the call; that would just tell her that they’re awake and paying attention.) The jig is pretty much up anyway, so they bury their face in their arms and groan. They’re so tired. “Yeah, tell me something I don’t know…”

Hoojiro shuffles and hesitates before addressing the elephant in the room. “Doctor, I… you claimed it was just an accident that you fell asleep here the other night, and when I left yesterday you told me you’d make sure to go home, but you clearly didn’t, and now it looks to me like your girlfriend has been unsuccessfully trying to contact you, so I guess what I mean to say is… How long have you been here? Really.”

Tsubakura groans again in response.

“Doctor,” Hoojiro admonishes.

“Shitodo,” they reply in a similar tone.

She sighs. “Tsubakura…”

They peek out at her guiltily. “…..Four days. I think.”

With the short hair, loose-fitting hospital clothes, and useless blackened limbs, they’re hardly recognizable as Tsubakura Enraku, genius prodigy, groundbreaking scientist, honorary Senri priest. But that person was killed decades ago along with everyone else (and thousands more times afterward for good measure), and all they are now is a lingering ghost left trapped in their own decaying corpse. Or maybe, if you just focus on the wan face, the dark, sunken eyes, they look like the exact same clinically depressed and perpetually exhausted Tsubakura Enraku that they’ve always been, just currently lacking any work or leisure or alcohol in which to drown themself so they can forget about the absurd tragedy that is their life. Hard to say; they’re kinda mixing their metaphors here.

“The angry one is called Ardey. Most of our ~trysts~ in the past have actually been with her fronting, but she decided it would be more practical to just straight-up kill you after you stopped wanting to have anything to do with us. Soooo she’s trying to pretend like she isn’t watching right now, teehee <3”

HEY.

“She says hi~!”

I DO NOT. SHUT UP.

Ok, this is all very. Beside the point. The point being that Tsubakura woke up to their girlfriend smothering them with a pillow. They attempt to calm down and take a deep breath, neither of which is made easier by Suzumi’s weight on their stomach. “So… uhh… did you just try to kill me?”

Suzumi laughs airily, but with an ever-so-slightly nervous edge. “Ohh, ‘kill’ is such a strong word…” She trails a finger down the underside of their jaw. “Really, what’s a little bit of suffocation between friends~?” She continues down their throat and traces along their collarbones. “If it helps, it was just a… mood swing thing. Shouldn’t happen again. I like making you squirm a liiittle too much to actually want to get rid of you~” She hooks the finger on the collar of their shirt and tugs.

“You’re trying to distract me now, aren’t you.” It’s hardly a question.

“Is it working?” Suzumi deadpans.

They should probably be more concerned, and will definitely start sleeping on the couch after this, but for now, Tsubakura swallows and makes a decision that is… not one of their smarter ones, to be honest. Whatever. Blame the oxygen deprivation, if you must.

“Well. You could be trying harder.”

“I always took you for granted, because I’m a black hole of a human being that just takes and takes and takes until there’s nothing left. I don’t know if there’s even any of the real you left in there, Suzumi. So:”

Tsubakura sinks down to one knee and reaches up a hand, their dark eyes as unreadable as ever. Hamee feels their heart skip a beat at the sight, but for all the wrong reasons. She won’t lie and claim that she hasn’t fantasized about setting up a scenario like this someday, buying a white dress and a real tux and rubbing in her victory over them with the “‘til death do us part”s and all that, but not like this. Not on their terms; not with them real and in the flesh and kneeling right here in front of her, acting out something that could’ve happened years ago if they’d been either a whole lot better for each other or just a little more stupid, but asking for a knife to the jugular rather than an “I do”. Everything about this is wrong.

“I’m giving myself to you,” Tsubakura says. “Will you take me?”

The police haven’t even bothered to get back to them about pressing charges (a laughable attempt, they know, but they had to try something) by the time Tsubakura’s old apartment goes up in flames, and the obituary of Suzumi Kuzu gets printed in the papers, accompanied by the awkward university ID photo of somebody they maybe loved, once. Just making it official that that person is long gone, they suppose.

(But they don’t believe she’s dead for even a second.)

Sex stuff is down here

They just keep having sex. It just keeps happening. I’m aroace-spec and actively religious; how did I get here? Where am I?? Hello????

The number of sex scenes I am writing around is absolutely crazy given that like. I literally can’t even bring myself to use the word “butt”. Tsubakura is mostly naked about half the time. I am matrix dodging specifics out here (to be clear all intercourse is either before/after the parts that I’m actually writing or it’s vaguely skipped over. Even if I wasn’t holding myself to particular language standards I’m always in it more for the emotional part of it and don’t care for the explicit sex stuff so everything I write should be M at most)

I am extremely aware that Hamal Cine Bad End is a lot (and definitely an extreme canon divergence; like perfect storm of things going wrong, Arde and Benet would have to be out of the picture, Hamal would need to get like 10000% less impulsive) and I’m very nervous about sharing any of it at all!! Uhhhhh what else to say about it… I’m trying not to be too gratuitous? The one actual beat-by-beat scene I have any plans for atm is much more focused on the psychological/torture aspects once it flips into gear (not particularly gory either)? Hopefully I’m handling it well? Idk I just hope if I do end up posting it that my writing speaks for itself. Stands on its own. Or whatever like you know what I mean

Ok moving on so you remember that first fic I was writing a few months ago and then abandoned? That fic was funny cause the whole idea I was going off of was using marriage as a metaphor for getting murdered (second to last snippet is a surprise cameo from that heehee; I couldn’t figure out how to write into it in a way that would make sense though) and if I ever published that one I would definitely have needed to put out a disclaimer that’s like “Yes I am happily married, yes I am aroace, yes I am only interested in super toxic shipping; I contain multitudes” (also no ace discourse please; despite the fact I could pass for allo in some ways I still choose to identify as aroace because my aro/asexuality affects a lot of areas of my life even if it’s not that visible to others)

I know I mentioned a while ago that I was projecting somewhat onto Suzumi but just to be clear I’m definitely also projecting onto Tsubakura. Sorry for giving them all my sexual preferences (and one very specific fairly minor parental trauma); it will happen again (that’s me on the left; I haven’t changed my pfp to reflect my current sona) (don’t mind the koala)

#suggestive #but just at the bottom (ha)

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dykedragonrider · 8 months

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Finished Disco Elysium, and I do get the appeal but I think my enjoyment of that game is tragically tarnished by the hype that people gave it in ways that, maybe I missed, or maybe I interpreted as exaggerated? I think something really strong about the game is the way it does its intimate moments? Along a lot of the quests there's stuff that feels incredibly, painfully human. However, there's also a lot of beauty in other moments so it's a really well made balance? Telling Billie the fate of her husband, dancing with Kim, the art after the tribunal, pressuring Kim to be a pissfaggot, 'splorin the commercial district. There's more, but the point is that just. That's something done well. And I think those moments are only as standout as they are because this game's cast is really strong. Everyone is so fucked up in the best ways possible and I think it's really nice that you can like, get a voyeuristic view into their lives (a lot of them you made worse) and try and make things right? It's uniquely interesting to try and help characters that the player character hurt *before* the story so you get the reconciliation of that along with the general gratification of Doing Something Nice In A Videogame. But also, like every Disco fan apparently, the real standout is Kim. I felt SOOOO bad when I needed to sell parts for his car that he confiscated because he obviously wanted those spinners! He plays really well off Harry as the straight man to whatever nonsense you get up to, because he's *also* a little silly it's just below the surface. I unfortunately was tragically denied building communism because I was unaware of the tribunal which cucked me when I went to Ruby to kill time, so I don't have as full a picture re: the politics of this game, but the things I can say is that it's very over the top about stuff. Given the way people talked about this game, I expected it to be a lot more level and grounded, leaning more into the political thriller thing, but instead it feels more like it's commentary on human interaction being inherently political dialed up to 11? Neat enough, basically. It is *really* funny to be a self hating revolutionary cop whose kneejerk response is to say "eat the rich" but also it gets a lot of the smaller things right along the way? Which I think is kind of the central thing that stands out to me about this game. It gets the little things right *so* well in a way that gives it incredible emotional impact.

#tsunny reviews #disco elysium

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mincedpeaches · 5 months

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rvb19 liveblogging post. #rvb19 spoilers

Did Wash get a new voice actor? Why does he sound so off.

Why is Grif like this. Why is Grif's character so off. He's not really stupid, he plays it up to be lazy. Why does he seem so weirdly angry. Yelling did not make the "they're right behind me aren't they" joke any funnier Geoff.

Okay I didn't even CONSIDER that Donut would never show up. Like after the Apple Cast listing was seemingly incomplete based on already confirmed people that had recorded lines. Only to have the shot of Donut getting sliced up in a cartoon be his first and God forbid only appearance? The disrespect. If he doesn't show up later I'm rioting. Did I miss a Joel-style falling out with Donut's voice actor somewhere.

Okay actually Wash sounds fine it was just the awkward exposition dialogue earlier I guess.

479er???? Does this count as a minor freelancer cameo.

A SECOND "hes right behind me" style quip with Meta!Tucker in the case. Burnie PLEASE. Avengers came out in like 2014.

Why does Tucker!Meta talk. Why does he have an evil laugh. Remember when all the Meta did was occasionally growl and he was threatening. Remember when all they had to do was play When Your Middle Name is Danger and it would make the machinima actually tense.

The Reds overall reluctance to help the Blues both earlier in the canyon when Caboose asked them and then now leaving Caboose on the ship... I don't know. It rings a little different when its the last season and all also the whole "they say no but then they change their minds" bit has been done so many times by now. Especially if this is meant to be happening after Chorus. This isn't really a lesson they need to be learning anymore.

Over 40mins minutes in and no mention of Carolina. I am... concerned. I thought she was in a shot in the trailer. Am I crazy. If she doesn't show up I just. In what WORLD does Epsilon run five squintilion simulations and not choose to contact HER instead.

OKAY HERE IT COMES THE SARGE SACRIFICE. FOR A BLUE. IM SCARED.

Hes gonna get stabbed big time ooooh my god I can't watch.

I feel like. Okay. When rvb got serious. It didn't have to undercut itself with jokes. When Donut was shot by Wash it was 100% played straight. No quips. So why does Burnie undercut Sarge getting stabbed by having him say "well dang it".

I've paused this like five million times to say "I can't" and all variations thereof. I'm not ready for "Matt's performance".

Hand on Simmons arm. And if I lose it right now.

Very touching moments happening here with Sarge and the team I cannot complain too much or really at except when in one of my numerous pauses of the movie to fortify myself I cannot help but clasp my hands and think. Where's Donut.

And also I cannot help but think when we were about to get on Torrian for trying to kill Tucker and now its like. Welp. (Not nearly as bad as a killing to gas up your bad rvb spinoff but still. It kinda feels like this is approaching that ballpark.)

"Run away while you can. I'm coming for you." *laughs evilly* Is this supposed to be like Tuckers personality, like a Doc-O'Malley thing where the AI adapts its mannerisms to the host. Because either way its a corny ass bit that does nothing. And I kinda of hate it.

Doc is very obviously all in Wash's head which is uhhh.... not where I expected the season to go. With Wash.

Grif and Simmons standing in front of Sarge's grave, alone: Me: soooo. grimmons?

OKAY SO. IMMEDIATE PIVOT TO HEARTFELT DISCHARGE THAT I DID NOT EXPECT. OKAY. SCENE WHERE GRIF ADMITS HE DOESNT WANT TO LEAVE SIMMONS INCOMING?????

OR HE ASKED HIM TO COME WITH HIM. EVEN BETTER. HELLO.

man really great stuff here happening here but I still cant help but be like. so why isnt Donut here. is it the homophobia.

This song kinda sounds like. No. it couldn't be.

Okay over an hour and no Carolina I'm kind of feeling like when I walked into the Supernatural series finale thinking Castiel might return only to hit the point of the ten minute long wincest scene, with no Castiel in sight.

TEX RETURN???? THE PERSON WAS TEX??? NOT CAROLINA???????

All the budget went to getting Kathleen to return after her fallout with Rooster Teeth.........

Okay wait so is Doc real? He was really giving hallucination.

Wait okay drop from the sky. If this ISNT Carolina. I'm ending it.

THANK FUCKING GOD. THANK GOD.

Again I don't really know why getting to her wasn't part of Epsilon's plan but WHATEVER. whatever. do Donut next.

Also I would love love LOVE for some Carolina and Tex moments after this fight. really rooting for the Bechdel test pass.

Okay we really kill Tex again huh. Should have put that on my Bingo card.

If the AIs in Meta!Tucker are fragments of Epsilon, meaning presumably when he fragmented the Epsilon memories would be gone, how does this Sigma know about Allison =Tex = Beta.

The cone on Grif did get me lmao.

EXPLAIN TO ME THE SWORD THING WHAT. Did Meta!Tucker say "You never were?" Am I missing something. That isn't how the swords work.

DONUT ONLY GETTING A CAMEO IN A CHEERLEADING OUTFIT GAG. HELLO. WHAT AM I MISSING HERE. WHY IS DONUT NOT HERE. also simmons gay thoughts.

why does simmons get the good throwing arm bit that was DONUTS thing. im about to break into Burnie's house. where is Donut.

Chex handhold walk into the white void. I should have put Chex on my bingo card.

Okay no so Doc still definitely a hallucination. What are we doing with this Burnie.

I'm counting Carolina looking sad at the smashed capture unit as Carolina Angst. Taking what I can get here.

Carolina just ignoring Wash mentioning Doc lmao.

OKAY NO WAIT. DOC DEAD. DIED IN THE CHORUS BATTLE. WASH BEING HAUNTED BY GUILT OF DEAD DOC. Burnie recon'd the brain trauma but was like wait. hold my beer.

this sad as hell actually. damn.

also the revival of wash/doc as a ship concept like DAMN where my recollection homies at for real. Remember in Chorus trilogy when the gag was nobody gave a shit about Doc and forgot about him in the transportation cubes. I know Doc fans eating. Except for how he's, you know, dead.

North and CT appearances. THERES my minor freelancer cameos.

Man I have SO many thoughts(tm) on this scene that I cannot articulate right I need to digest it for a little bit but. Giving all this angst to Wash (instead of Carolina). The scene on the beach in s15 being better because it wasn't slanted toward Wash. Why did I think Burnie was gonna do my girl right.

Agent One appearance..... oh wow...... yay............ 😑

Grif leaving without Simmons? No. no way.

Okay im gonna. Thats not. man.

Sorry I'm gonna get hung up on this in the Grimmons way first and then the rest of it after. WHY would you have the little "come with me" only to split up after. Not that I expected Grimmons lets be real but I didn't expect a split and more importantly I didnt expect a HALF BLOOD GULCH split up. Is the ending really for SIMMONS AND CABOOSE to be 1vs1'ing in the box canyon. Season 11 they were planning to go "home" and then the ship crashed. There is long since no Command. WHAT are they going to be doing there. Burnie ANSWER me.

okay credit rolling and they really gave Meta a stupid voice so Miles could do it huh. okay. They also gave him Sigma which I did catch in the voice acting.

the one Donut line WAS Dan Godwin. Mr Godwin what was your schedule like. PLEASE. could you really not reprise your roll. COULD THEY HAVE WRITTEN YOU OUT OF THE SEASON WITH A BIT MORE RESPECT, AND DARE I SAY GRAVITAS.

shout out to the one Andy line too lmao I didnt mention that earlier.

IT WAS THE BARE NAKED LADIES. THAT SONG. I KNEW IT. thats where the other half of the budget went I guess.

okay well. Its over. I need to collect my thoughts. And make a post.

#this is probably gonna be unlisted once i make a coherent post. and then just be linked in that post.#rvb blogging #rvb19 spoilers #rvb spoilers #can I just say. that Im free now. that im free.#mincedthoughts

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spinrekiyo · 1 year

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My main Korekiyo Shinguji hcs:

Korekiyo Shinguji • they/them (though doesn’t mind any) • pansexual • acespec • autistic • they have a service dog named meadow

Kiyo’s service dog is a white labradoodle. Her name is Meadow. She is 3.5 years old. Her tasks are circling Korekiyo in a crowd, dpt when overstimulated, keeping people distanced from them, staying near them giving a sense of security, picking up items if needed, making Kiyo take meds consistently, and calming them when in panic attacks or meltdowns. She is a very good dog.

Kiyo adopted Meadow from a shelter at around 8 months old. Her past owner was not kind to her and abandoned her. Korekiyo was looking for a service dog and a new best friend, immediately connected with Meadow.

Kiyo named her Meadow because it is a peaceful kind name for a peaceful kind girl.

Kiyo works online with a service dog training course though does training themselves.

Meadow is well trained and wasn’t too strugglesome to teach tasks due to her timid and calm nature

The only problem is she was a bit scared at first though Kiyo has a tame job that isn’t super loud.

Kiyo is ambiamorous. I cannot choose a main ship for them because I believe all of them could have potential. (I believe I may have been the starter of the shinsaiibo movement soooo….)

Korekiyo has two long scars that run along their nose + a slight crook in their nose

They have pretty crooked teeth and a few noticeable gaps + pronounced canines

Straight up missing a tooth

They have sh/harmful stimming scars all over their arms

Very sharp looking smile. Their smile turns upwards and is very pointy and like a snake grin

They have ed tendencies though have a softer complexion nowadays

Their hair is pretty thick in texture though silky and soft

They have a few scars from uh.. her that are on their chest and back and such. They als have a few freckles

They eventually get cool tattoos

They have their bridge pierced and their eyebrow and ears pierced

They enjoy collecting bones, photography, writing stories, DND with the homies, and sleeping

They have POTS

In my head, the timeline for their life is as follows

- mother dies when Kiyo is 8 years old, likely of illness or addiction

- mother was absent, Miyadera was the main caregiver. She’s 6 years older than Kiyo.

- Kiyo had social difficulties growing up though was viewed as a gifted kid

- Miyadera was in and out of the hospital since she was eight with respiratory problems that are genetic on her mothers side.

- Miya always struggled with jealousy issues and problems with being too controlling.

- Miyadera passed away when Korekiyo was 16 and she was 22. She had been extremely sick 16-18, then her health seemed to get a lot better from 19-21, but then got bad again leading up to her death. She never became well enough to pursue full time schooling or work.

-The grieving process for Korekiyo was horrific to say the least. With their older sister being the only person in their life besides their father, they struggled horrifically with suicidal ideation, attempts, and not leaving their home or bedroom.

-they missed the entirety of 10th grade due to her death.

- at 17, korekiyo signed up for danganronpa after watching a few episodes. It wasn’t terrible and maybe they could not want to die

- yeah no, it didn’t help. They consented to being put into virtual reality that felt completely real though it was still legally challenged afterwards for obviously unsafe practices and the fact that mostly minors without the ability to fully grasp what they were signing up for were the ones consenting to that.

- following the events of the game, those who watched it obviously had complaints and concerns with many of the people on the show. Korekiyos ‘sister’ plot was literally just ptsd being played for gags + Kiyo’s mind having the serial killer motive for game purposes. Kiyo never killed anyone they just thought they did.

- local authorities were noted on the situation with Kiyo and many others. They were sent to a psychiatric facility to help them recover to a point where they could be trusted to live a daily life without hurting themselves or others.

-during their treatment Kiyo cut their hair really short while in an episode

- some took longer than others..

- by the time Korekiyo is out of the facility they are 18 and are given financial compensation by team DR for the added psychological damage + exploitation

-they finished 11th and 12th grade

- they then finish and graduate highschool using an online program and getting any other credits they need through their university (they cannot do a public big graduation ceremony at this time)

-cue dysphoric breakdown + gender sexuality realization

- they begin university, specializing in anthropology. They are taking art history and such, where they rediscover Angie. At first that is a horrific ordeal though it quickly becomes pleasant as she has changed a lot and so have they.

- they have an impressive breakdown at school because they’re overstimulated and triggered and anxious which makes them take a week off

- after that week, their therapist suggests that they seek out a service dog as she thinks it will help with their autism and ptsd

- cue meadow adoption

-Kiyo feels a lot better after that because meadow helped level out their nightmares and soothe them a lot more

- Kiyo gets a job as an educator at the local museum near their university

- meadow and Kiyo get name tags it’s great

#korekiyo shinguji #autism #Korekiyo #korekiyo hcs #drv3 korekiyo #Korekiyo past tw #korekiyo tw #tw #tw sucidal ideation

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