#because I'm not and i know I'm not
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Sometimes you just have to stumble the block from the restaurant to your apartment kind of tipsy in absolute awe of all the grace that God has given you throughout your life and wondering what He wants you to do with all of it, y'know
#like i don't wanna say I'm the grossest evilest sinner or something#because I'm not and i know I'm not#so it would be a lie to say so#but at the same time#I'm not a *great* person#i look around at my classmates and see so many holier and better people#who suffer more without complaint#and i might keep it inside i complain to God so much#but at the same time my whole life i have been afforded unimaginable grace#like i can hardly completely comprehend it from where i am now#which is honestly probably still in the thick of things#so i can't imagine how much it's gonna hit me in twenty or thirty years#but two things have been put so much on my heart#namely my grandma and the lgbt community#and the struggles I'm having with both seem almost the same#because i want to show the love and grace in the Church that i have been given#but that would have to involve saying that something's wrong now#and that always always always shoves people away from whatever you say#and in this case!!!! it's God!!!!! i would be shoving them away from God!!!!!!!!!!#the fullness of love that i an unremarkable person have been given#and i couldn't live with myself if i was the reason for creating distance between someone and God#so if you've made it this far. please. please. pray for me#i need it. i need it so much#I'm on the precipise of something#and maybe I'm close to finding my vocation and finding out what God wants me to do with my life#or maybe i had one too many glassses of wine at dinner#but either way#there are people who need your prayers more#but if you've got an Our Father to spare. i think i could use it
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(also feel free in the tags to clarify Why you made the choice you made!! :0c)
#polls#tumblr polls#For me I think the top ones would be the House. The Money. or the Friend Group. But I ultimately might would go for the house#JUST becuase it would be my Dream House which means it would already meet mostly all of my specifications#and what I might be looking for. which would save a lot of time searching or customizing/rennovating.#Also because I could use that as a way to leave the US lol.. like .. if I get to choose my dream location.. couldnt I just choose some othe#country?? But I wonder how that works. Can you legally 100% have full ownership of a property in a country yet not be a citizen of that#country?? Would you show up and be like 'erm.. i own this house.. so i shall now live in it' and theyd be like 'uh no. you cant live here#despite owning the house. leave.' ??#So I think the initial process of 1. scraping together funds to actually MOVE myself and my most valuable belongings physically#TO another country. and 2. figuring out how to STAY in that country . might end up being difficult.. BUT. if I could just work that#part of things out then.. dream house?? security for once in my life?? stability?? :0#Though the $1mil is enticing it's also like.. I feel .. with the way housing prices are now... that's not much???#it's a lot I guess if you plan on like.. investing half the money and staying in an apartment for 5 years while you grow your wealth#or something. but if you're a 'I Need Stability NOW' ready to settle down person who would be most interested in owning a property rather#than nice clothes or a car or whatever other investments you could make then.. eh..?? It seems like unless you're okay with living in#a small town or kind of far away from the city - even some SMALL houses in majorly populated areas in the US will be like#$600.000 - $900.000 or something. like that would be MOST of my money. Which I know you could just pay partially and make#payments on it but idk.. in the option of just outright owning the house it seems like it'd end up being cheaper.#Plus I would want to own it fully asap because I'd be afraid of losing it somehow otherwise. like it being taken for medical bills or#something. which I thought was supposed to be - not IMPOSSIBLE - slightly more complicated legally if you actually have#paid off the house in full. I guess the issue then would be utilities and property tax and such. But I feel like thats overcome-able??#Like I could just stipulate that my Dream House has a little furnished addition or something and then find someone#with money and be like 'Look you can live in this extremely nice area with amazing ameneties and updated everything and ALL you have#to do is give me money to cover the utilities and property tax.'' or something like that. Like the little furnished addition is nicer#than the actual house. they have their own pool and spa and movie room or something and Ill also cook all their meals for them#or whatever (how luxurious it would be depeneds on how high the property tax actually is/how much I would need to entice them into#why it's a good deal for them to pay it for me lol). idk... something like that.. ANYWAY#I asked a few people I know though and one of them answered they'd rather have a romantic partner. the other one said they'd like#to be able to choose someone to die lol.. So I'm curious what people value the most
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some domestic shadowlachs <33
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#shadowlach#shadowheart#karlach#i just think they should do eachother’s hair and be cosy and also have a lot of rowdy gay sex#also if you watch jen and aliona's streams the 3rd one is based on when jennifer english LOCKS IN#they've def been there for like 8 hours. the pyjamas are there but the makeup is still on#yet another shadowlach print for the shop whoops#i'm going to try and get at least the shadowlach things done by mcm because i know some people wanted them signed by jen/sam#not to be dramatic but i would weep
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missed the mark by (looks at calendar) uhhh. hm. but I really wanted to do something for the 5th anniversary! happy five years to these idiots 🎉
#art#twisted wonderland#twst 5th anniversary#i'll stop for a while now i promise i just wanted to get this out#genuinely feels a bit weird to be 5 years in already huh!#that combined with having finally finished up episode 7...#oh no all the milestones hit at once help#hold on while i reminisce for a moment#because MAN i did not expect the anime disney boy game to become so special to me#(especially my little wet rat dragon and his family)#to be fair 2020 onward was uhhh let's say prime timing for a piece of silly and unapologetically indulgent media#(not to get too real here or anything but let's just say that. some of the stuff in 7 specifically did hit a bit harder than it should've.)#but also just. you know how it goes.#sometimes a thing doesn't so much speak to you as it reaches out and grabs you by the throat#with an intensity that shocks and bewilders no one more than you#and sure you can ignore it because having any emotions about media beyond faint scorn is of course the epitome of ~cringe~#but you could also just throw yourself wholeheartedly into it#and lemme tell you one of those options is a hell of a lot more fun#idk i'm just kinda rambling here#it's been a weird five years but i'm glad to have had these guys for it#and hey if nothing else it gave us meleanor#the inside of my brain at any given point is just the 'do it for her' meme covered in pictures of our late great dragon princess#i would not have it any other way
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it got turned into a 17" x14" pillow instead haha
#rug hooking#artists on tumblr#fiber art#hnnnndgf the way the phone photo colors don't match up with how I see it is driving me a little nuts#every time but oh well >:'D#like the greens aren't as dull looking or as sharply contrasted in the detail photos#I'm glad I hoarded/saved the yarn that I precut for latchhook (which I abandoned after learning about rug hooking lmao)#because it makes for a very squishy pillow#(but also I think I def. could've stuffed in a litttle bit more before sewing it closed + didn't have a lot left)#blocked like...three other things when I was blocking this one#and the ones with non wool/funky materials were completely fine so that's nice to know haha#the back is an old flannel topsheet that nobody was using#anyways -knocks the fuck out-#edit: bb nephew recognized it as a cat so all is well/it passed hahah#also whoever said in tags that it looks great sensory wise to touch (or something like that my brain's a little fried still hhshs)#they are correct lMAO (even in general/ non pillow form I keep scrubbing my hands over them haha)#and when I was making the pillow I kept squishing it#muffled laugh
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Penelope's final gambit, you will always be famous, no matter the subtext.
#poorly drawn odyssey#the odyssey#odysseus#penelope#epic the musical#Epic's version was very sweet and very well executed (and so cathartic!)#But Odyssey Penelope is *so* done with all the bullshit at this point in the story.#Credit where it is due; at this point she's been through a lot.#And to top if all off - her own son and one of the few maids on her side are buying into this (supposed) ruse.#This cannot have been the only time someone tried to pull this trick on her either.#Its the contrast between: 'Oh you're My husband?' and 'Ohh *sureeee* you're my husband. Just like the 30 other 'Odys' before you.'#The olive tree bed trick is a great gambit because it really is the final test to verify his identity.#I'm just a sucker for couples who have a secret only they know between them I suppose!#The match each other in will and wit! They will always find each other!!!#Anyways. The Odyssey is a worthwhile read and I highly recommend it. Epic is also a great musical worth checking out.
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I want more female characters who are just so bad at comforting others. Not for lack of trying or caring, they just get so so awkward when someone's upset, and they try to repeat things they've heard even if it doesn't necessarily apply to the situation, or they accidentally say the wrong thing and make it worse. If someone cries they panic and throw every single comfort technique down at once and it only helps because it's such bizarre behaviour
This post is for all women including trans women and op loves trans women. Terfs kill yourselves
#Basically I'm tired of female characters having the inherent “good helper/wise advisor” trait just bc they're women#And I'm also tired of the faux progressive female characters who have no emotion whatsoever#People seem to think the opposite of being a good caretaker is just not caring#No no#The opposite of being a good caretaker is not knowing which care to take and when or how.#Throwing water onto an oil fire. Putting blankets over someone who is claustrophobic. Recommending family time to an orphan. Etc.#I want a female character who will be up with you until 3am because you're struggling#But she can't stop quoting Mister Rogers because she has NO idea what to say#Even if she's experienced the same things she just has no idea how to convey any wisdom through words#Etc
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deepthroating a gun without breaking eye contact...... he put his entire gongyussy into that | SQUID GAME 2
+ the video because the sound he makes when he puts the gun in his mouth? [redacted]
update: he improvised that. the man really said i'll go full slut.

#my beautiful unhinged wife..... you know the salesman is an utter freak on the streets and in the sheets#i watched one episode of the new squid game for the plot#the plot: gong yoo showing off his lack of gag reflex <3. he gloc on that glock etc.#the way he drags his bottom lip down with the muzzle of the gun sjhfsgfjhfgkj. redacted redacted redacted.#anyway. new username to celebrate#he put his entire ahjussy into his performance here. his ahjussiussy. his ahjussussy. you get it.#mutuals/followers from my old asian drama blog remember when train to busan came out in 2016 and for one and a half months#and i slipped back into my obsession and i was just a gong yoo shrine? ;_____;#i'm on the brink of regressing.......... help.....#also pardon the quality realised only after exporting that my grain was too strong -.-;#gun tw#blood tw#gong yoo#squid game#squid game spoilers#squidgameedit#netflixedit#tvedit#kdramaedit#uservik#chewieblog#userbbelcher#userisaiah#it's been a while i forgot what other tags there are…#long post#you know what.#gay#i cannot read salesman/gihun fic because i dislike ljj with a burning passion though.....
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How come there's no fanart of any gay Nimona moment made sonadow??? We have like, Lancelot and Arthur armour designs right there!!
It's my divine duty to correct this.
#Little by little because I'm between life and death#my art#Still learning how to draw armour#Quite ugly I know—this was not my week#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#sonic fanart#sonic x shadow#sonadow#nimona
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The greatest injustice ever faced is that I almost certainly started the still thriving "clown husbandry" tag on here, but any discussion about it (from a know your meme page to a youtube video with 500k views) says it's a joke of "unknown origin" or credited to this post, likely bouncing off of mine (which was actively circulating at the time with like 30k notes):
This is a tragedy for many reasons, most of all because it wasn't just an offhand joke but actually a direct response to some of the funniest online hate I ever got:
They're erasing the truest history of tumblr: its desperate need to seethe and argue over every obvious joke with more than 10 notes.
anyways here is the canonical pet clown. according to me
#but tumblr... i am pagliacci#clown husbandry#look strange aeons on youtube. i know you browse this tag.#I don't respect your 2011 tumblr core take on steven moffat#but I will forgive it when you right this wrong#EDIT: a few people think i'm saying i originated the concept of referring to a clown like an animal#i didn't. i mean i made this really specific joke about exotic animal husbandry and a lot of mutuals bounced off of it with similar jokes#and that's what people started tagging 'clown husbandry'#to this day when you look for the origins a lot of mutual's names (who also kept chickens/pigeons/reptiles/etc) pop up because of this#talking tag
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Imagine getting a call from one of your repairsmen asking to take time off because they're scheduled to play Dungeons and Dragons at Maddison Square Garden.
#game changer#ally beardsley#I know a lot of comedians need day jobs and I'm super happy Ally seems to be pursuing one they're passionate about#but imaginary calling someone to repair your house and it's Ally Beardsley#Dimension 20#tagged GC because the last episode is how I learned they were pursuing this :p#Dropout tv#Dropout
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can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024
#ramble#if you say unalive in front of me i will personally kill you with my hands#you just can't muffle and censor and hold someone's hand through some things#some things are horrible. and they should be spoken aloud and they should upset you. because they are horrible#the second we started kidzbopifying the world was the end of taking anything seriously i think#i'm not even joking i've spoken to people older than me who won't even say the world sex#this isn't the playground you're not going to get in trouble just let us say the word!!!!!!#how am i supposed to listen to you when you won't even say the thing you're supposed to be talking about#yes this is the fault of the platforms with their censorship rules but the fact that we all just go along with it like it's not dystopian#you do know it doesn't stop with cursing right. people are already having to censor queer terms because they get flagged as inappropriate
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i keep thinking about how rfk said that autistic people "will never write a poem." i keep thinking about that, about if humanity is calculated on the back of old verse. how far we measure personhood is in baseball and stanza breaks.
i keep thinking - i have over 7k poems on here alone. language can be a special interest, after all. did you know the word autism comes almost direct from the greek word autos, meaning "self"? self-ism.
maybe he is right - i haven't really played baseball. i was a ballet dancer instead. and besides - my sister once accidentally hit me in the face with an aluminum bat. i'm not sure if the injury gives me half points. am i only a person in the dugout? hand in a mitt? swinging?
does softball count? does cricket? am i a person if i throw the ball to my dog. am i a person as long as the ball is in the air, or do i stop being a person as it rolls into the bushes. i took my girlfriend to fenway recently; was i a person in the sun, with my hands up, with the game laid out at my feet in a diamond. i felt like a person, but that was back in the summer, and i often feel my most person-like then.
am i more of a person because of the sheer number of things i've written? does quality matter, or is it quantity? i used to write entire books every summer in high school - i wasn't doing well. i felt the least like-a-person back then. but then - does any person feel human in high school?
in the library, ink on my skin, i feel personhood shutter at the edges of myself. actually, writing feels blissfully like not being myself. it feels birdlike; escaping into creation so my body dissolves and i survive only by muscle memory. i am not there, i am writing.
but who can deny the falconlike focus of warsan shire, the tenderness of mary oliver, the sheer skill of amanda gorman. those are poets. they are certainly human. you could line them up with the way their words have influenced us and measure their literary shadows like wings.
perhaps it was very assumptive of me to want to be a poet rather than "a [ label ] poet." i wanted the work to fill itself in, rather than be stained by what i am. i do not write in despite of my neurodivergence, i am just neurodivergent and writing.
does the poem have to be in english or can i send it through my palms into the coat of my dog. does the poem have to make sense. does the poem have to love you back.
if i break a glass, will the poem appear naturally? or is the act of breaking the glass human-enough. the shards of my life glittering out beneath me - do i have to write the poem, or is it self-evident in the pile of glass splinters? i cannot grasp this world the way other people can. regardless, i endeavor to touch - even the mess - very gently.
i broke my toenail against my coffee table recently. i released a bug outdoors. i made coffee. i walked my dog.
i didn't write a poem about any of these things.
something else, then. existing without humanity.
#how many poems would one have to write to walk through the gates of their own humanity#so it is just writing and not a miracle.#as if writing is ever anything except miracle - all creation is divine.#writeblr#poetry#i am almost certain i have written more poetry than most members of the presidential cabinet#so maybe i am MORE human?#... but alas.#perhaps BECAUSE i'm a poet- i do not like the idea of measuring my own humanity against theirs#they are people. many terrible people are unfortunately still people.#i know i cannot touch this world in the same way other people can.#but i still.... i lay down in the glass shards#i let it into my hair.#i don't like talking about this part of me and i rarely write poems about it.#it is sharp here. i thought that you liked how sharp it is for me. you've been running your hands through the blood#when it was painful enough.... even YOU might have called it poetry
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"I am a higher dimension life form, I am a complex space-time event"
A step by step process of this will be available at my Patreon next month, you can find prints of my work at my Store 😊
#doctor who#tenth doctor#david tennant#my art#I love it when the doctor is unnerving and weird and a bit intimidating!!#I know I didn't include 14 there it was too crowded#he's grounded for forking the code I suppose#but it's fine because I'm drawing him next anyway#but for now back to sewing I go!! I'm multiclassing today
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First meeting
#stobotnik#doctor ivo robotnik#agent stone#sonic movie universe#i hope you all are noticing what i'm doing with stone's clothes specifically#white shirt pre robotnik black to fit his goth boss then colors when ivo starts wearing red#also i know we all like to think robotnik hated being assigned an agent but i present to you:#he sees it as a symbol of status kinda. stone hates being here#it just feels right to me. it's not that robotnik thinks the agent will be useful at all#he's just pleased that he got one#everyone else has an assistant why shouldn't he?#this ties to a very very stupid headcanon i have#and it's that robotnik's blood type is O negative#HEAR ME OUT he would hate that. he would hate being an universal donnor because he doesn't care about saving lives of humans ew#but then stone is also O negative so that means robotnik can receive blood from him if necessary#and that's mostly the reason why he was chosen to be his assistant#ivo is too important to die! and O negative blood isn't that common#Stone knows but probably no one told robotnik#then of course imagine stone getting injured and needing blood and ivo is like wait i can do that it doesn't matter what his blood type is#you get the point#i think. i'm pretty sure there was a point#oh well#oh the no hr joke. they're a shady goverment organization i don't think they treat their people that well#that being said maybe robotnik's treatment of stone was the reason they had to get an hr department who knows
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Hawke family fleeing the Blight
I have some thoughts on my Hawke having to deal with another Blight and keeping her family safe again. But that's too long for this post, so I'm just gonna add it to my list of Dragon Age fics that I still need to finish...
#dragon age#datv#dragon age 2#hawke#marian hawke#fenris#fenhawke#fenris x hawke#Marian Hawke you will always be my favorite DA protagonist#dragon age the veilguard#datv spoilers#dragon age carver#carver hawke#dragon age aveline#bethany hawke#actually i will ramble about this here because what do you mean kirkwall is gone???#that's hawke's home don't tell me she has to abandon her home AGAIN due to the blight#given that we have to say goodbye to a certain character i really wanted to see kirkwall one last time ya know???#but maybe i'm biased becuase DA2 is my favorite
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