#People seem to think the opposite of being a good caretaker is just not caring

[lesbianwyllravengard]

I want more female characters who are just so bad at comforting others. Not for lack of trying or caring, they just get so so awkward when someone's upset, and they try to repeat things they've heard even if it doesn't necessarily apply to the situation, or they accidentally say the wrong thing and make it worse. If someone cries they panic and throw every single comfort technique down at once and it only helps because it's such bizarre behaviour

This post is for all women including trans women and op loves trans women. Terfs kill yourselves

[dazedantics]

A flat sigh blew out as you deflated onto a secluded bench. The other students seemed to have forgotten the events already, buzzing about merrily away from you.

You kept your eyes on the colorful floor, carpeted like an older arcade or pizza plex would be. The lights were dim but cast a blue-ish glow around everything. People munched away at the crowded tables, some cheering for the person you had just fought as they disappeared back into the crowd.

You had been told off with a warning, thankfully that was it, and the directors left quickly after separating you two. They'd been working here too long to care much about what had happened.

You were glad.

It was better that way.

Still, you felt a pair of eyes on you from across the hall.

You looked up.

Shinso.

He sat at his table for a while before getting up and heading over to you. His eyes, a bright purple hue just as wild in his hair, stayed on yours as he walked.

You wondered if you should look down. But he kept getting closer, so you decided you might as well lock on strong.

When he sat, all the way at the opposite end of the bench, you both looked to the ground.

A second or two of silence. Pondering. Settling.

"I can still do something, you know." He stated.

He hunched over, hands knitted together over his knees. Blunt and tired as you knew him to be.

"I know," you replied, "I'm glad you didn't this time."

You scooted closer, hesitating before resting your head on his shoulder, wrapping your arms around one of his.

You could feel him tense, flinching for a moment, but he didn't push you.

"It's not right." He spoke again. "Sibling or not, they shouldn't be picking fights with you like that."

Shinso wasn't exactly a friend. Not much of an acquaintance either. You hardly spoke to each other really. Only when you were paired for projects in class, and even then you only spoke the minimal for what was required.

"I know," your voice was dejected. This was a cause you'd long resigned to lose. "But eventually they'll get what's coming to them. They'll feel bad about all this then."

He glanced at you, where he felt you slump further into his side. His frown narrowed further.

"They would've hurt you if the teachers didn't stop by this time."

Yeah, he had caught you in the middle of one of your fights before. Been nice enough to use his quirk to stop things from getting too bad. Your sibling slowed down a bit after that, taunting you for being so weak that you needed an outsiders help.

Shinso was kind.

But you asked him to not do it again.

He listened.

"They're older than you too, they shouldn't want to hurt you so badly."

You squeezed his arm lightly. "Can't help that. They've done worse. I know that's bad to say or whatever but ...," you trailed off, remembering what it'd been like growing up.

"I don't really care. Sure, I'm mad at them. But ultimately, I'm happy. That's more than they could ever say. I had a good life other than all this. What other kid could say they went to so many amusement parks and restaurants nearly every day? I like my life. Wouldn't change anything if I could. Even this."

Shinso paused. "It's still not okay." He looked back at the floor.

"I know."

You watched him for a moment.

What was his life like? You didn't even know if he had siblings.

"Thank you." You said at last. "For caring. And for listening to what I said last time."

He shrugged. "I can still do something about it."

"Please don't. They'll be gone next year anyway. Won't have to worry."

He looked at you again. "If I ever see a bruise, I don't care what you ask me. I'm going to deal with them."

You smiled, feeling warm inside.

But how could you smile right now? Was all he could think.

"I heal fast."

"That's not reassuring."

"They've started doing less." You looked up, finally scanning the crowd again. "I dont really know what's going on with them. We have the same caretakers now but, the first few years before we really grew up together, they were raised by people who didn't care about them or what they did. And I've never really felt pain that much so ... Maybe that's why they do it."

He looked at you, irises a melancholic purple. "That's still not an excuse. And it's frightening how much you don't seem to consider yourself in all this."

You smiled at him again, squeezing his arm. "I'm alright. Thank you, Shinso. For worrying about me."

"Someone has to."

You leaned into his side again, happily watching everyone pass by. You're not sure why he wants to help, but you know you'll always be greatful he had. Even if you guys just go on ignoring each other when these types of events aren't happening. He'd be someone you'd always be able to look back on fondly.

He let out a deep sigh, settling back into the wooden bench with you, eyes scanning the room absentmindedly. So many people, too worried about themselves to care what a random fight between family could mean.

He didn't fully know himself.

But the part in him that wanted to be a hero knew he had to try and step in.

And he'd keep on doing it. Until you figured out why you had to start doing it yourself.

"We could dance." He hummed, eyes drifting to the ceiling.

You chuckled. "You like to dance?"

"No. But I saw ya wandering around the dance floor before all this happened."

You laughed again before nuzzling yourself closer to his side. "No, it's alright. This is fine."

"Alright." He breathed out.

He rested his head back, tucking his hands into his pockets. His eyes shut, the soft purples hidden underneath long lashes.

"If anything happens, just squeeze me. I'll take care of it."

"Thank you, Shinso." You hummed.

He could feel it against his chest.

"Hitoshi."

"... Hitoshi ...." You corrected, smile melting onto your lips. "Thank you, Hitoshi."

[peatbogbody]

About San being inscrutable, I think he is waaaay more calculating than people think. Like the recent pics of him clinging to Wooyoung, Seonghwa and Yunho, he's attracting all of the attention on himself while at the same time making it look like it wasn't his intention. He's just cuddling his bros, right? ☺ ... right? 🧐 lol

He fools a lot of us with his clingy, pouty, affectionate persona on camera 😌

But Wooyoung said that in private if he tries to kiss San fists come flying (the only safe members to kiss are Mingi, Yunho, Seonghwa and Yeosang - despite his loud protests lol)

And in the past Ateez said that in private San is "crazy" and gets very angry very easily.

You'd never tell from what he shows on camera.

Atiny who met him in person said that in all of Ateez he's the one that keeps his distance the most like he's always putting up a wall between himself and the fans and often has cold eyes and expressions.

(I think that's completely NORMAL, idols are not what they appear to be and they can't be warm and happy 100% of the time, at the end of the day this is business for them; but lots of Atiny are taken aback because San's usually a really good actor... the problem is, they don't realize he's "acting" and that's why they feel disappointed)

San's friendship with Seonghwa and Mingi fascinates me the most not only because they're flatmates (I'd die to see their dynamic and routines) but also because they seem so different.

Seonghwa is very naturally sweet but despite what the fandom thinks he's quite dominant in his own way (there's a reason we joke that Hongjoong is the pirate king, but it's the queen that sits on the throne/Hongjoong always does whatever Seonghwa wants). Ateez worry about him because he's always making excuses for people that treat him badly or with disrespect.

And Mingi is a puzzle, he wants to be seen as cool and tough but we all call him Princess because despite his best efforts we can see his "true" personality. And Ateez say he's even sweeter and more adorable in private, that he's a "baby" (one of my favorite moments is when Mingi complains that his mom still calls him a baby and Ateez are like "well she's right" lol).

There's a clear difference between how Seonghwa and Mingi are in private vs how San is in private according to Ateez.

A while ago I saw someone say that San subconsciously (or consciously? 🧐) tries to copy Seonghwa's but especially Mingi's real personality in front of the camera, because he realized that Big Boy With A Heart Of Gold is a winning combo. And I'm a bit stuck on that.

Despite this being a winning combo Mingi feels the need to hide (because of his anxiety? because he's the most disrespected member BY FAR by fans&non-fans and feels safer this way?)

And Seonghwa from early on fit very neatly into the caretaker, mom-of-the-group role, so in a sense he's got nothing to prove, all he has to do is to keep being his usual sweet self (very easy for him) and people's opinion of him will remain positive. He doesn't care about being a Big Boy, he is Mother.

But San is one of the members that changed the most, he bulked up, he changed his voice, his demeanor.

Now no one would dare call him effeminate or "whiny". He's masculine and "pouty".

He's always had a "heart of gold" but now he's very masculine, very macho, very bro (he also speaks a very frat boy kind of English lol which is a CHOICE) while before he was called effeminate, his voice was constantly high pitched, Jongho would carry him around over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, etc. etc....

He was tired of that and did all he could to go in the opposite direction and change our perception of him, to appear like a man's man, but STILL keep some of that sweetness that's necessary for an idol to attract fans

Idk if I'm just imagining things but San looked a bit upset? when the fortune teller said he has feminine energy no matter how much he bulks up?

And I also think that this is why his dynamic with Wooyoung has changed. Woosan fans always complain that they don't have many moments together anymore, that "Yeosang is in the way" (yikes), that KQ is sabotaging them etc. But I just think that Wooyoung has changed a lot as well. He's more reserved, more mature, less loud (still loud af lol but less than before). San doesn't get to be the "dominant one" in the couple with 0 effort anymore. They're both equally masculine and dominant. On the other hand Yeosang is called a fairy or a puppy by the fandom.

Maybe it's less that KQ put space between Woosan, and more that San saw a new possibility for fanservice in Yeosang? And Wooyoung seems pretty tired of unhinged fan behaviors like shipping or stalking or being rude or stirring the pot for no reason like the latest Vata controversy

(Now Woo and San seem to be finding a new balance and we're getting more moments between them, but for a while it was 0)

What I'm saying is that San is VERY focused on business and being the "perfect idol" (like Yunho is focused on being likeable and "the fandom's boyfriend"... both are the hardest members to read for fans and it's not a coincidence) and I think this is why some people might feel taken aback or even disappointed when they interact with him in person. In person it's always more difficult to keep the mask up perfectly

oooh this is fascinating. posting mostly without comment except to say pls come off anon and write more.

ok i will just say one thing. people can have different sides for different situations and it's not necessarily possible to say which one is "real".

ok LAST thing, is that ultimately i tend to default to the stance of taking artists at their word, or whatever else they choose to present publicly. both bc i don't have the time to comb through all the evidence available and i don't really want to. they're allowed to have sides to themselves they don't show to the public and it really has no bearing on my respect for them as an artist which is always going to be the basis of my reason for paying attention to them. THIS IS NOT A DISS or discounting what you are saying At All. i have immense fun dissecting People('s personalities 😉) too, tbh i think it's part of my flavor of autism. but for the sake of my time and sanity i have to remember to just call it sometimes ^^

[emo-trash101]

Hello hello my darling!! (/P)

How are you,good? I hope you are!

I was scrolling through for some hazbin-writing blogs and saw that you were,but didn't have any works yet!

"preposterous!" I told myself! "Such a charming blog without any writing? Allow me!"

And here I am! Nina or Weewoo,you may call me!

Now that my big flamboyant intro is done (i do this all the time for my fun,don't mind it-),May you indulge me in some nice platonic headcanons? (If you do those! If not,a single oneshot would be swell!!)

You see,the self-proclaimed platonic asker is thirsty for some platonic!

Anyways,you're probably getting bored,so allow me!

May I please have a platonic! Vox/Husk/Alastor/Lucifer/ anyone you wish to write for (I honestly don't mind anyone,just pick peoplef from Hazbin you feel you want to write for! You can put as many as you want!) with a gn!child!reader (my favorite/p) that's really sweet (even a bit of a pushover) but has a really bad argument with their parent (the characters) for x reason (maybe because the child is too kind?) and runs away for some air,but later,as the characters were looking for them because they're worried or we're forced to (ahem,Vox and Alastor,AHEM) the character finds them all injured and crying somewhere because it's hell and there are bad people there? How would the characters react? Would they do something?

I think that's all for me!

I hope you enjoy writing this dearie! Don't forget to drink,eat and have rest!

Stay proud darling!

-Nina <33

Omg, I really hope you end up enjoying this! I actually really like this idea, and I live for platonic relationships. Also! Feel free to request whenever, I really need something to do with my life 😭

Vox, Husk, Alastor and Lucifer x Child! Reader

THIS IS STRICTLY PLATONIC AND SHOULD ONLY BE TAKEN AS SUCH

Pronouns: Second person, gender neutral

Tw: Arguing, Vox and Alastor (Yes they are warnings), general Hazbin Hotel-ness

Vox -

- In all honesty, I'm so sorry you ended up with this man 😭

- But (as many of us know) he is not a nice person, if anything he's more so the opposite. He would probably take away your toys just to see you cry.

- However, he is very good at faking it, which makes him a very confusing person to be around.

- The argument most likely starts because you end up being too sweet and it ends up pissing him off. He'd probably try to be passive aggressive or ignore it until it makes him so mad he just yells.

- He seems like the kind of guy to be like "Well thats how I was raised." And just see nothing wrong with it. But after seeing you be so upset after the argument, a small part of his almost nonexistent humanity feels bad.

- Considering how busy he is, he probably wouldn't notice you were missing for a good while. Even after he does, he doesn't go after you himself, he sends one of his workers to get you.

- Once he does find you injured, he's undoubtedly mad. Not exactly because he cares too much for your wellbeing, but because he considers you a pet of some sort, and people should know better than to hurt his pet.

- Doesn't really learn much from the experience, however does avoid bringing up the topic of you being too kind simply because another argument like that could provide similar outcomes

- In all, probably the worst of them all generally. (Can you tell who my least favorite is?)

Husk -

- Honestly, he's not that bad of a caretaker, and it's primarily because he has strong morals and tries to teach you that as well.

- However, because of that, he views your kindness as a kind of weakness that needs to be fixed. Which is almost exactly what he tries to do.

- He attempts several times to make you "stronger" and less kind to protect you. He obviously has good intentions but goes the wrong way about it.

- This obviously results in an argument where he refuses to admit that he was incorrect which leads you to try and chill yourself out by going on a walk. He would probably be too heated to even really care about you walking out. That is until later.

- After you eventually don't come back for awhile he does become anxious, but he knows that he taught you to take care of yourself and that you'll be fine.

- Once you do come back he feels hella guilty, nit only for letting you walk away, but arguing with you in general. He resorts to trying to help clean your wounds and provide you with the best comfort he can (which honestly is not a lot but it's the thought that counts)

- He does let up on you having to be less nice, it does get brought up ever so often, but after a few minutes he just lets it go.

Alastor -

- This man is a little special brained, as in he is extremely apathetic to the point where he doesn't comprehend you being kind aside from it being for ulterior motives.

- Which honestly makes sense if you think about how he acts, so it's not like it's a baseless accusation. But after he's taken you under his wing and is trying to teach you he feels almost undermined by you constantly being kind.

- This obviously turns into an argument (more like you being defensive and him just accusing), and you eventually give up and go on a walk.

- He considers this an admission of guilt and doesn't go after you or anything and just lets you do your own thing until you apologize to him.

- When you do eventually show back up to the hotel, he does tend to your wounds, but he approaches you with condescension until you eventually apologize purely out of exhaustion.

- He doesn't really feel any guilt towards it, and will definitely ice you out until you stop being so "manipulative".

Lucifer -

- Now Lucifer himself is at least a people pleaser, so he understands the feeling and actions that you do take.

- However, having seen his daughter take similar strides that he had in the sense of caring for others, he ends up worrying about you being used for others benefit, especially in a place like hell.

- This kinda causes him to try and course correct aggressively, deciding that if he were to act more cold it would rub off on you and work (surprise surprise, it didn't).

- It just turns into you getting upset and while trying to have a serious conversation about the issues (or as serious a discussion that a child can have), he tries to keep up the cold facade.

- This just upsets you more and you end up going on a walk to clear your mind, and that makes him feel terrible.

- He contemplates running after you but decides that it's for the best, it could even help you with being so kind.

- Well that whole thought process changes once you don't come back for too long. He almost turns the entirety of hell upside down just to find you.

- He finds you just as your assaulters are leaving, and let's just say they don't leave in one singular piece.

- After that the guilt almost eats him alive. He feels terrible for not only letting this happen to you, but that he also caused this whole mess. He takes you back to your home and helps clean your wounds (He 100% uses hello kitty bandages).

- He tries reaching out to other people to try and find better ways to teach you more about boundaries and everything just to keep you safe, and takes almost all the advice to heart.

This took less time than I anticipated, but I feel like it turned out good nonetheless. I hope you enjoyed it and have an astounding day!

[multidimensionalguidance]

🤎🪐 Saturn Observations #1 🪐🤎

Everyone has heard of the dreadful and harsh lessons Daddy Saturn brings in our life, and no one understands this better than a Saturn dominant or prominent native (Capricorn, Aquarius or Saturn- in their ASC, luminaries or angles specifically).

While life for most is quite difficult in itself, to them it feels like a heavier burden. As if those challenges are multiplied by 10x somehow, and no one but others alike them seem to understand this.

Saturnians share the common theme of experiencing some sort of neglect during childhood by their caretakers. Which usually puts them in a position of having to take on responsibilities that most children or teenagers shouldn’t really have to deal with, unfortunately. They are forced to grow up faster than others, and due to it are often perceived as more mature than those within their age group.

Now, this is not to say that its all doom and gloom. Saturn delays, but doesn’t deny. Which is why usually their lives get easier or start falling into place after or near their Saturn return (usually between ages 27-30). It also doesn’t mean your whole life prior to that won’t be good, but rather that this planet wants you to put the efforts early so you can have more ease later on.

Saturn is one of the main planets when it comes to past deeds or Karma, so there’s usually an ancestral load that is placed on the shoulders of these natives. Saturnians are the soldiers that can withhold harsh periods and barely flinch in comparison to those ruled by the luminaries (Sun & Moon), Jupiter, or Venus. They wouldn’t be able to push through difficult times with as much ease, as a Saturnian would. That can be seen as a curse and a blessing depending on your perspective.

In relationships, you’ll see them dealing with difficulties related to their partners triggering the same abandonment or neglect wounds they experience at a younger age. Either by trusting too much that they’ll be able to deal with everything or simply by succumbing to their authoritarian aura which makes others feel like Saturnians are their parent somehow. This can make them retreat even harder within, as if building an impenetrable wall. They’ll feel discouraged from asking for any help as they are used to doing, and make their situation more difficult by not expressing or experiencing their feelings.

It is important for Saturnians to understand that life isn’t trying to tear them apart or put them through harsh lessons for no reason, even if it may feel like it. Allowing yourself to express the burdens you’ve carried in the past and the ones in the present, is key in order to make things work. Being heard and understood is essential, specially to Aquarius natives.

Also, just because you’re able to withstand the battle doesn’t mean you should simply tolerate all of them or even attempt to fight them. Choose them wisely and preserve your energy for the ones that truly matter. With Saturn everything takes time, and the more gentleness you practice bit by bit, the more aligned you will feel with your own energy.

Cancer being the opposite of Capricorn and Leo being the opposite of Aquarius usually denotes they also want to feel cared, cherished and adored by their loved ones, which they rightfully deserve.

Do not sit around idle allowing people who wish to make your life harder, simply because they think you can handle it all. Yes, you’re a tough warrior, but you’re also a human being with human needs. Emphasis on emotional needs, even if you think you’re as hard as stone.

Surround yourself by individuals who understand your battles and are interested in making things easier, not the opposite.

Just remember, practice makes perfect and that’s what Saturn wants you to learn after all. Those who become resistant to harsh conditions become the sages and authority figures that others seek guidance from because they can see how much more prepared and grounded you are. You got this!

[1863-project]

One of the things I really like about the Teal Mask DLC for Scarlet and Violet is that it's all about examining your biases, learning the truth, and not just going on first impressions.

Spoilers to follow.

There's both a blatantly obvious and less obvious way the DLC does this, and I actually really like how it was handled from a storytelling perspective.

The obvious case is Ogerpon. When the player first gets to Kitakami and starts learning about Mossui Town's ogre story, it's playing the Momotaro fairy tale straight - the signs feature a young human figure, a dog, a pheasant, and a monkey chasing out an ogre. But by the end of things, the player - and by extension the entire town - has learned the truth about Ogerpon and how she was framed (species is 100% female). She was the victim in this scenario, and the so-called "Loyal Three" were actually the perpetrators. We don't even know what happened to her human companion or if he even survived their attack. By the end of the DLC, we've helped Ogerpon find acceptance in the town that formerly shunned her, and she's decided to travel with the player, whom she's bonded with. It's a much more typical story about acceptance, truth, and getting the facts straight. Ogerpon deserves reparations.

Less obvious, however, is the player's relationship with Carmine and Kieran, and this is where it's really important to dig a little deeper.

When the player first walks into town, Carmine challenges them immediately. She's looking for a fight and for someone to put down, and she wants to prove her superiority over the new visitors. She's surprised to lose to the player, and runs off when the caretaker arrives. The entire time, she's keeping Kieran under her thumb, barely allowing him to speak. It's not a good first impression at all, and you come away from that interaction thinking she's just a run of the mill bully.

Your first interactions with Kieran are the opposite. He seems to like the player quite a bit, and is really shy about it but really excited to have an actual friend. He's in awe of the player's skill, and he constantly puts himself down, saying he could never compare even though Carmine herself says he's almost as good as she is. You feel bad for him, and you want to look after him, especially since his own sister is constantly snapping at him. He relates to the outcast ogre from the story, and he dreams of meeting it someday.

Once you and Carmine meet Ogerpon by chance at the festival, however, things start to shift. Carmine doesn't want her brother to be upset that he missed the ogre he loves so much, so she hides it from him, even though this causes more grief in the long run. She does actually care about his feelings on some level, even if she's terrible at showing that and still actively puts him down all the time. When she and the player learn the truth about Ogerpon from her grandfather, she's righteously infuriated on Ogerpon's behalf, and she immediately wants to set things right. You and Carmine agree to respect the grandfather's wishes about not telling Kieran yet, but Kieran has been listening in the whole time, and he deems this a betrayal.

From Kieran's point of view, of course it feels like a betrayal - he was bonding with you, and it feels like now his sister has stolen you from him and you're both lying to him about Ogerpon, even if it's to protect him instead of make fun of him, as he wrongfully assumes. He starts avoiding the player and Carmine more because he's emotionally hurt, as most people would be in his situation, and because of this, it ends up being you and Carmine who start to bond with each other - going to get the supplies to repair the mask. When Kieran steals the mask, he's doing it out of pure jealousy - this was supposed to be something he did, not you and his sister. That jealousy unfortunately awakens the covetous spirits of the "Loyal" Three, who come back to life.

After confronting the alleged "Loyal" Three for the first time and collecting information in town, you and Carmine go off to fight them with Ogerpon in tow as Kieran stays behind to tell the townspeople the truth. This is important, because you and Carmine are now actively bonding with Ogerpon, and Kieran isn't even though he's helping her out. By the end of things, once everything is set right with the townspeople and Ogerpon has all her masks back, she indicates that she wants to team up with the player, who's been the one directly interacting with her. Kieran's jealousy gets the better of him again, and he challenges the player for the right to be Ogerpon's trainer, even as Carmine tells him he needs to consider Ogerpon's feelings, too. The player ends up with Ogerpon, of course, and Kieran doesn't take it well.

At the end of things, when they have to go back to school, Carmine is cheerily saying goodbye to everyone, and she reveals that she was being so standoffish because she didn't feel comfortable welcoming outsiders into her hometown. She states she's glad to have gotten to know everyone and hopes to see the player again. Kieran, on the other hand, doesn't even show up, and is locked in his bedroom at his house, swearing that he's going to become stronger than the player and getting a somewhat malicious-looking smile on his face. Things have been completely flipped from how they were at the start.

By the time that "To be continued..." screen hits, you've got much more mixed perspectives on both Carmine and Kieran, and they're both much more morally grey than they seemed at first glance. Carmine is constantly putting her brother down at the beginning, but she does make it clear she worries about him and his feelings, and she does care about him. She becomes nicer to the player once she warms up to them, and she knows what happened to Ogerpon was wrong and gets angry over it. Kieran seems like a beleaguered younger sibling at first, constantly at the mercy of his sister, but he has a fierce streak of jealousy that causes active problems for his hometown and damages his relationship with the player even more than the secret-keeping does. Both kids clearly have issues to work through that are affecting their ability to relate well to others and form bonds, and it's tough to see - even the Mossui Town locals say things about them that make it clear they're considered outsiders in their own home to a degree, and not just because they're descended from the mask maker.

I'm curious to see how things go for them in The Indigo Disk.

[caspersickfanfics]

Written for @monthofsick Day 13: Professionalism Failure

Prompt List | AO3 | Ask | Rules

Warnings: Vomiting, fever, implied scat/diarrhea off screen

Anon asked:

Hey! I was wondering if I could request the professionalism failure for sick Cyno Tighnari caretaker? Maybe cyno has gotten food poisoning from a work event and has to somehow keep it together until tighnari can rescue him? Or maybe he can’t and has to deal with the embarrassment of it all. I just can imagine Tighnari being really protective over him if the other academy members give him a hard time~

A/N:

I don’t think this really makes sense in the canonical progression of things, but as I wrote this I imagined it taking place before Nahida had time to select actual good sages to replace the old ones. So the sages here are like the default ones who were next in line after Azar and that group. Essentially, they’re connected to Azar still but weren't directly convicted of any crimes and they have a lot less power. Idk, thinking about politics too much even in fiction makes me mad so I’m just gonna do a bit of a hand wave here.

This meeting has been a thorn in Tighnari’s side since the sages demanded to arrange it weeks ago. Despite his best efforts to wriggle his way out of it, the thorn had stuck. They’d backed him into a corner of sorts; the Akademiya demanded his presence specifically to even consider allocating funding to assist in the healing and maintenance of the Avidya Forest. Somehow, now that he’s in attendance, it’s even worse than he’d expected.

He scowls at the itinerary in front of him. It’s weighted so that anything anyone’s interested in will happen at the very end. No chance of leaving early. He probably shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up.

The one saving grace is that Cyno is here as well. While the matras’ financials are essentially secured as a matter of tradition, the specific way in which the money gets distributed is up in the air. Depending on the outcome, Cyno’s internal sense of justice may be placed in alignment with or in opposition to their mandates. This meeting may be even more important for him than for the forest rangers.

Which is why Tighnari is alarmed when, about 45 minutes into the 5 hour meeting, Cyno’s head is pillowed in his arms, resting upon the ridiculously long conference table. Although Tighnari is seated a distance away, he thinks he can see sweat matting the matra’s hair down. With any luck, he’s just being paranoid, though that seems unlikely. Even more so when Cyno raises his head and suddenly stands. His typically warm skin tone has paled to an ashy brown. He’s hunched over, too. His posture is altered so slightly that Tighnari doubts anyone else has noticed, despite all eyes turning his way at the scrape of his chair, but it’s glaringly obvious to him. Not to mention - this is Cyno’s second time interrupting the meeting. For the second time, too, he quietly excuses himself for the bathroom.

It’s fortunate that Alhaitham is still Acting Grand Sage. Tighnari had been somewhat grumpy towards his friend for the fact that he hadn’t been able to exempt him from the meeting, but the fiery grudge is doused when the ex-scribe’s glare silences annoyed complaints from the other sages about the General Mahamatra’s exit. If Alhaitham’s lingering frown is anything to go by, he’s noticed something off about Cyno as well.

The meeting continues on, and its participants are forced to split into breakout groups. They’re meant to be discussing the continued importance of knowledge to Sumeru, though no one seems to care enough to stay on topic. Instead, the people around Tighnari begin trash-talking Cyno.

“That’s enough gossip, I think,” Tighnari asserts dryly. He recognizes a handful of the nuisances around him as Bimarstan employees and smirks as they pale before him. “Sorry, who was it you were saying is unprofessional? I, for one, wonder about the ethical repercussions medical personnel might face if they were, say, reported for rudely speculating on a past patient’s personal life.” He resists the urge to make specific jabs at a particularly loud doctor whom he has quite damning intelligence on, but keeps the option available for future use as needed.

Fortunately, his colleagues are just barely smart enough to catch his threat. They carry their discussion to the topic at hand, and then onto some other irrelevant gossip that Tighnari doesn’t care enough to comment on. Instead, he’s distracted by tracking the time that Cyno’s been gone. Ten minutes, then 15. When the door finally creaks open, conversation lulls. Heads turn.

“I apologize for the disruption,” Cyno says upon entering. He looks… marginally better than he had when he’d left. The sages accept his apology with minor grumbling that is cut surprisingly short - again, likely thanks to the Acting Grand Sage. Tighnari will thank him, later. He tries to let his concern fade away, but is unable to resist clearing his throat.

“I’d like for the General to join our group, if that’s alright? I believe his insight would be rather beneficial to our current discussion.” A discussion to which Tighnari has been paying no attention. He is grateful once again for Alhaitham, who nods and silently leaves no room for disagreement.

Up close, Cyno looks exhausted. Tighnari was right to be worried. Cyno runs hot, but doesn’t tend to sweat; definitely not this profusely. He’s quiet by nature, but has never hesitated to voice his opinions. Now he says nothing even when their colleagues unapologetically speak with microaggressions and horribly biased misconceptions about the Eremites. His eyes are unfocused; Tighnari wonders if he’s hearing the conversation at all. As time passes, Cyno’s condition only worsens and he drifts closer to Tighnari’s side. Eventually, the matra’s stomach makes an angry noise and his cheeks flush. Tighnari pulls him aside.

“Do you need to leave?” He asks gently. Tighnari silently dares anyone else to comment with a quick glare at the rest of the group. They continue to chatter amongst themselves, shuffling out of earshot. Perhaps out of respect, an effort to grant some privacy; perhaps simply to gossip more. Tighnari simply does not care - not right now, at least. He’ll deal with it later if he needs to.

“I’m sorry,” Cyno says, voice weak. “I’m okay. My–” He sucks in a sharp breath and winces, his hand shaking as it drifts to his midsection. A moment passes; the pain intensifies and then relents. When he speaks again, Cyno’s voice is dulled. “My stomach is just disagreeing with something I ate.”

Clearly. If his partner were feeling better Tighnari would argue that this is a severe understatement. “You’ve been feeling bad this whole time?” Tighnari asks instead. The General shrugs.

“It’s manageable.”

Very deliberate phrasing, Tighnari notes. Outwardly, he nods. “Let me know if that changes, Cyno.”

The meeting carries on. It’s boring and obnoxious. The loud doctor continues to be vocal about his nonsense. Tighnari rebukes him occasionally for the sake of a bit of entertainment, but the other man is easily cowed. He defers quickly to Tighnari’s judgement each time. Uninteresting, but probably for the best; there’s no point in getting worked up over someone who will likely lose his position for malpractice in the next few months.

For his part, Cyno remains unspeaking in the presence of the rest of the group. He sits off to the side and fidgets, looking at the floor. His cheeks are flushed, which Tighnari suspects is due to both a fever and humiliation. When the side of his face comes to rest against the table, Tighnari resists the urge to remove his heavy headdress only because he knows that doing so would embarrass Cyno further.

Next on the itinerary is free discussion, meaning that everyone at the meeting is supposed to get up, walk around, talk to people… Tighnari does not care for this sort of connection making. He doesn’t bother moving, and responds politely but vaguely to anyone who approaches him. More importantly, he responds the same way when anyone tries to approach his partner - perhaps with a touch of extra heat. Of course, Cyno could fend for himself, even in his current state, but Tighnari has no doubt that at least some of their colleagues have picked up on the General's vulnerability and are deliberately targeting it. He’s just sent someone away perhaps a bit too forcefully to be called diplomatic, when a cool, clammy hand wraps around his arm. Cyno is looking up at him.

“Tighnari. I feel sick.” A queasy burp escapes him. Tighnari frowns.

“You’re nauseous? Cyno,” he chides. “You need to rest at home.”

Fortunately, Cyno nods in agreement. “I’ll let the sages know that I’m leaving. You should stay,” he says, waving away Tighnari's skepticism. “I can handle this and - hic! - there’s no need for the forest to suffer for my failings.”

Tighnari nearly rolls his eyes. He’s sure that neither the forest nor the matra need to face consequences as a result of an illness entirely out of Cyno’s control; though he can acknowledge there is some benefit in his presence here, if the other man is able to hold out on his own. If he stays, Tighnari could at least ensure nothing disastrous happens regarding either of their positions.

Still. He would easily sacrifice that for the sake of Cyno’s wellbeing.

He watches the sick man approach the sages, who sit in large, looming chairs, making Cyno look tiny. Alhaitham stands, as if to stretch his legs, and moves close. Frustratingly, with all of the chatter and the distance between then, Tighnari can’t hear a thing without imposing on the conversation directly. He can see Cyno speak, and then Alhaitham nods. The elder sages frown and one says something, before two more join in. Cyno's head bobs, then shakes, and then he muffles what looks to be another burp into his fist. He’s still for a moment, aside from his Adam’s apple bobbing frantically. 

Even without knowing the exact words exchanged, it’s more than evident that the sages are unwilling to respect Cyno’s needs. Tighnari is about to interfere when Alhaitham’s voice jumps up a notch - likely deliberately at a volume just loud enough for Tighnari to hear.

“So,” he’s saying to the other sages, “you’re saying that a doctor whose medical skills are acknowledged by the Akademiya must verify that he’s ill?”

Tighnari tenses. He immediately glances around the large room, eyes searching. Alhaitham is still speaking.

“For example,” he continues. “A Bimarstan doctor?”

There’s no use checking whether the sages agree - Alhaitham has them cornered. Now Tighnari just needs to— Ah. There.

He barely resists grabbing the doctor by the ear and latches onto his wrist instead. Under his breath, he speaks with venom, “Cyno is sick, clearly, don’t you agree?”

The man is silent, probably stunned, and Tighnari continues. “Or would denying the obvious truth be worth risking—”

“Oh no, yes, you are correct, Master Tighnari,” the doctor rambles nervously. Tighnari pushes him before the sages. They glance at one another. Cyno looks up, as well, but stays quiet, taking measured breaths.

“Well?” Tighnari asks. “He’s a Bimarstan doctor.”

With the glares of both Tighnari and Alhaitham pinned on him, the eldest sage slowly nods. Tighnari turns his gaze to the doctor and taps his foot. “Go on, then.”

“Oh! Um, yes, I believe that the General Mahamatra is experiencing some, uh, gastrointestinal distress. He should rest at home for the quickest recovery.”

“And,” Tighnari jumps in before he gets a chance to scurry away. “Would you recommend that someone assist in his care during this time, perhaps due to the strain of having been forced to stay on his feet for so long?”

“Ah, yes. Master Tighnari is correct, it would be wise for him to accompany the General. Should– should you all agree–” His backtracking cuts off with a wheeze as Tighnari stomps on his foot.

The eldest sage doesn’t look pleased, but he sighs, unsmiling as he spits out begrudging words. “I will allow it. But the forest watcher must agree to reapply for his funding and return to the city in a few weeks' time... Should he still be interested in the Akademiya’s support, that is.”

Tighnari grits his teeth. These geezers always need to get the last word in. “Fine,” he snaps, foregoing any pretense of politeness. He all but drags Cyno out of the conference room - gently of course, though he’s sure they’re equally eager to be elsewhere.

As soon as they’re through the door, Cyno stops.

“Tighnari. The bathroom— urp!” He lurches forward with an empty heave, then scrambles away. Tighnari is quick on his heels, and finds Cyno in an unlocked stall, trembling with his head hanging over the toilet. He hasn’t been sick yet, but it’s only a matter of time.

“Hey,” Tighnari speaks quietly. “Deep breaths, okay?”

Cyno glances at him briefly, then nods and squeezes his eyes shut. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles. Tighnari scoffs.

“For saving me from that meeting? Cyno, please.”

The matra shakes his head. “It was important. And now you’ll have to come back. Not to mention– ugh,” a queasy shudder runs through him before Cyno is able to speak again. “Not to mention having to do the paperwork a second time.”

It’s an annoyance, but the paperwork isn't a big issue. Tighnari tells Cyno as much. “Just focus on getting better.”

The sick man has lost a great deal of the color in his face, and sweat glistens on his temples. His whole body is tense. Tighnari brushes his hair back, hoping to protect it from any mess and provide some comfort at the same time. “Try to relax,” he says.

“Guh,” Cyno moans. “I feel so… gross.”

Tighnari aches in sympathy. For as ill as Cyno looks, he’s sure he feels even worse. Minutes pass slowly. Cyno’s stomach makes angry noises and he’s periodically wracked by hiccups and burps. Eventually, Tighnari coaxes him into leaning back against his chest. His hands card through Cyno’s hair as the sick man turns, pressing his face into Tighnari's neck.

“You’re okay,” Tighnari murmurs. There are warm little puffs of air against his neck and it tickles, but he remains still.

He’s just beginning to sweat from his partner’s body heat when Cyno lurches away from him, hunched forward over an empty but gut-wrenching belch. His entire body heaves three times until he’s burping up a flood of vomit. It pours out of him with alarming urgency. Tighnari keeps his hair out of the way, but he can do little else but watch as Cyno violently empties himself. Each time he thinks it may be over, Cyno’s stomach contracts again. He sways; Tighnari steadies him just in time for another jet of puke to splash into the toilet water.

Disgusted shudders run through Cyno while he tries desperately to catch his breath. When he gets close, he is overtaken by coughs that bring up more bile. He groans.

Fortunately, there’s only so much in his stomach. When Cyno’s retching fails to bring anything else up for a handful of minutes, Tighnari half-drags him out of the stall, away from the sour smell. It seems to help. Cyno wipes his face and swallows thickly.

“How are you feeling?” Tighnari asks.

Cyno shrugs. “Bit better. For now.”

Tighnari hums; it’s to be expected. He suspects a bout of food poisoning or the stomach bug, so the next 24 hours or so will likely be challenging.  It’s a humbling thing, being able to do so little in the way of comfort at such a time. Still, he does what he can, massaging the back of Cyno’s neck, feeling him relax in time with his ministrations. He only stops when the matra begins drifting off.

Tighnari pokes his cheek. Cyno cracks an annoyed eye open, and Tighnari raises a brow. “Oh, I’m sorry. Did you want to sleep here? In this bathroom? Where our colleagues will eventually find us?”

Cyno nods. Cheeky bastard. His words are slurred when he speaks, as if his mouth has relaxed along with his body. “As long ’s you keep doin’ that…”

With a snort, Tighnari pulls them both to their feet. “Let’s go, you big lummox. I’d much rather give you a massage on your couch than on these gross tile floors.”

“Mhm,” Cyno mumbles, leaning heavily against his partner as they walk. “Nari… thank you.”

Chest warm, Tighnari ruffles the other man’s hair lightly and presses a quick kiss to the top of his head. “Any time.”

———

Fanart for this fic!!!

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[pawmesan]

So yesterday I said I had ✨opinions✨ on the DLC and today I have come to the conclusion that as per usual, I will not chill until I dumped them somewhere lmao. It's mainly focused on what I've seen people say about Carmine and Kieran online, be it on tumblr or other websites.

Teal Mask Spoilers under the cut :3

I have no idea if I used the under the cut feature even right lmao I've kinda always just been a douche and ignored it when talking about spoilers as I've realised gfjdjrc

Ok anyway so. I think what personally bothered me the most is a lot of people saying "they just have a perfectly fine siblings relationship, nothing unhealthy to see here" and "Kieran is a coldass douchebag who view others as objects and only cares about strength". Both statements I strrroooongly disagree with.

First about his and Carmine's relationship, since it plays into the other thing. It seems that their parents aren't around, though it's unknown why. The grandparents are apparently pretty lackluster in taking over their job and because of that, it seems that Carmine has taken it on herself to take somewhat of guardian role for Kieran. Which is a role she's visibly overwhelmed by, which makes sense, because that's not a role you should have to take when you yourself are maybe like 17/18 lol. You can see that she absolutely does care for and wants the best for him, but at the same time she can't wrap her head around his actions and how he's feeling. So a lot of the things she does she does out of good intentions (for example telling the player for him that he's interested in them because she says he couldn't ever ask on his own, or the whole lying thing where she believes not telling him you guys met Ogrepon prevents him from feeling left out), without understanding that they have quite literally the opposite effect (Kieran feeling like he's unable to do anything on his own BECAUSE she does everything for him, and of course him feeling left out BECAUSE you and her keep meeting Ogrepon a secret). On top of that she clearly has issues keeping her own emotions down, so instead of reacting calmly she'd yell at him whenever he does or says something she doesn't like. And whether you want to see that certain one-liner as her implying she does also hit him when she's not "being nice" or not, she seems unaware of what effect these reactions have on her brother. I do think the implication might very well be on purpose, but it's just not as obviously stated as it could be because this is still a Pokémon game and we don't gotta be too in your face about child abuse in a game that like 8 year olds play lol.

Anyway, aside from him thinking he can't make decisions on his own and stuff, there's a lot of ways this treatment shows in Kieran. Notice how while Carmine is pretty open about showing her anger, he keeps trying to repress his own until later in the story where he's starting to be unable to do so? You can see that when you battle him the first couple times and he loses, the light in his eyes leaves briefly (yknow, the anime thing they both do where that shows them being angry/frustrated) before he grabs his head and just says aw man or something. And when she outs him on his crush or whatever on you, he also looks angry like that, but she immediately shuts him down like usual. I'm pretty sure that's a learned behaviour on his part, aka "when I get openly angry or sad my sis will yell at and/or hit me so I have to keep it down". That's why he always switches the topic, runs off or just goes quiet when he pisses her off or he thinks he pisses her or someone else off. It's optional dialogue so idk how many people have seen it, but Carmine confirms that at the festival, though she again misunderstands why he does it.

Have a high quality photo of what I mea-

So yeah, in short, in regards to their relationship, I think it's clear that it's pretty dysfunctional. For some reason Carmine's stuck with taking a caretaker role she cannot possibly fill given her own issues and age. As a result, she takes it out on her little brother who in turn has to suffer the double bagage of lack of parents and dealing with his older sister's moods. And with next to no social contacts outside of her, he's stuck in that situation and he's got no one to help him learn how to deal with this in a healthier way (same with Carmine really). All he knows that if he was "stronger", he could deal with this better. Like that cool ogre from the folktale that does not care what people think of it and keeps fighting for its right to be respected regardless. Stronger being a very arbitrary word here, as the only specific goal he mentions (in the beginning) is able to stand up against his sister.

Now onto the whole "Kieran sees Ogrepon, the player, probably everyone but him, as an object" thing which... yeah no, he's not a sociopath kcngjtc

More precisely, the player character comes in as this cool person who has no trouble beating his sister in a battle. They don't seem to have all that much trouble socialising either. Good thing he doesn't know all the kewl stuff we did at Area Zero and all or he'd lose it completely. I think a big bonus is also that we're not from his town, so we don't have any bias against his ogre idol. So like, he's head over heels for us, he actually gets to hang out with us and warms up as we realise we're interested in his stories and all and wow. He's found an actual real friend omg. He might not be 100% aware of that, but that's all he really wanted. He wanted to befriend the ogre because it sounded like it would be someone to understand him. And now there's suddenly this super nice person who's taking that role.

But then suddenly, that person hangs out with his meanie sister and stops interacting with him almost entirely. I have a feeling that Carmine hanging out with people he'd want to befriend and them making fun of him is just a thing that happened before and that's why he jumps to that conclusion right away. Keep in mind, the reason Carmine came to us in the first place is literally to make fun of his lack of skills at the mini game lol.

So yeah, the reason Kieran is so massively pissed off is because he does view the player character as a human being, and one he really really liked and put up the courage to open up to, yet from his POV we shamelessly take advantage of that and leave him alone again to hang out with his sis instead. Would probably come off to him like you just pretended to be his friend because you had to and now you're hanging out with the cooler kids and giggle about how silly he looked when, idk, he asked to have a sandwich with you lol. Of course this is not what the player intended (or is meant to intend) and I too felt physical pain when the game gave me no option but to lie xD but I'm pretty sure you guys making up and giving each other another chance is what's gonna happen in Indigo Disk.

For Ogrepon, instead of as an object, I think he just keeps seeing the ogre from the story in her. You gotta remember that he never gets to properly interact with her, he doesn't even refer to her by her actual name like Carmine does once she learns it. He doesn't understand that, ironically just like him, what she really wants is just acceptance and a friend. He thinks that the reason she's distrusting of him is not because she has trust issues and needs to warm up first just like him, but because he isn't as strong as you are, the one she does trust much easier. He's so convinced that nothing in his life will change for the better until he's "stronger" that... presumably the Dokutaro thing somewhere during the mid point starts influencing him. Not like, straight up possession, but more it taking advantage of his instability and promising to give him the strength he wants if he does what it wants. Just like the dex entries of the loyal three says what happened to them. So Dokutaro moreso takes the role of some guy who's a really bad influence and convinces you to do things that will harm both you and others with some sneaky lil psychological tricks. Because I mean, self-sabotaging is something Kieran literally does around the time he presumably comes in contact with Dokutaro. He completely stops trying to talk to you, he boxes the furret he apparently raised from an egg, he doesn't come along to help beat the loyal three to get the masks. I wonder tbh, if Dokutaro was influencing him, if it didn't lead him away from helping with that on purpose, since it originally made the loyal three steal the masks in the first place. I guess that would also explain why he would have been fine with Ogrepon just going back to the cave so he could get the masks back later. And while there definitely is the whole jealousy aspect, I think it's also Dokutaro leading him into actions he wouldn't normally do to get the masks. Because if he gets the masks it'll give him what he wants or whatever. I think without the Dokutaro influence, honestly, he'd probably just have locked himself up in his room for the rest of the story after you lying and sobbed into his Furret pal's fur lmao.

Soo yeah, I think that's about it. They both have quite some issues and continue the trend of ScaVio characters that really need a therapist lol. I like Kieran especially though, he's really adorable despite having his own set of flaws of course. So I do hope the next part will take his (and Carmine's) story into a satisfying direction. And I better get to give him a hug because he needs one smh. Maybe Arven can make him some top tier candy apples. Oh oh yeah, noticed btw that he adds Dipplin to his team after he gave us a candy apple at the festival and told us there's a mon that looks like one? Pokémon likes to do storytelling via the team, so maybe the Dippling reminds him of our broship 😔😔

[thewhumpcaretaker]

Hello!

For the OC ask game, 8, 11 and 12 for both Adelais and Ninelen, please?

Thank you!

@wounds-seen-and-unseen

Yayay, thank you for the ask!

Ninlen

8 - Do they have a nickname? who gave it to them? if it's not derived from their real name, what's the story behind it?

Adelais might call him something, but for now, there's just family stuff. Ninlen's mom calls him "honey." No real story, just a habit. He doesn't really like it, either.

11 - What do they have in common with you? how are they different? would you get along with them?

Ninlen is the most overt self-insert in terms of personality that I have ever created. I tried to see what would happen if I just mimicked and sort of exaggerated the writing style that I already use in my own journals. I gave him a lot of my flaws (and OCD loool), especially flaws I had when I was younger. Ninlen is me during college, when I was absorbed in utilitarianism and pretty self-righteous and self-deprecating at the same time. I think the main difference is really that he's drawing those thoughts from religion, while I was pulling from different sources. I'd also say he's a lot more physically capable and disciplined than me. He's also a lot more willing to rough it and be out in nature or do gross things, whereas I'm pretty fastidious.

And of course, we're both Caretakers at heart!

As far as whether we'd get along... I've done another ask about this before, but I think we would argue about philosophy. We would end up friends anyway, because the same issues are important to both of us and we both care about Adelais, but we'd have a rough time getting there.

12 - How long have they been around? do you know their birthday? is their birthday the day you made them or another day? what do they think of celebrating birthdays?

I came up with Ninlen last fall! I wouldn't necessarily consider that his birthday, but that would line up with him being a Libra, which ties in nicely with the "scales of justice" imagery. Plus he just seems like a fall baby in general.

Ninlen really likes birthdays! He does feel undeserving of big gifts, but he always likes to see people gathered together and happy ^_^

Adelais

8 - Do they have a nickname? who gave it to them? if it's not derived from their real name, what's the story behind it?

You do not call Adelais anything other than His Highness or Prince. It will not go well (unless you know him personally, in which case Adelais is better).

Although Ninlen has started doing diminutives in his head - "my poor little Adelais," "sweet, fragile Adelais," etc. If he ever does this out loud, Adelais is going to meeeeeelt <3

11 - What do they have in common with you? how are they different? would you get along with them?

We're both kind of dreamy and withdrawn, I think. A day spent making things in a studio is a good day for both of us, and we both have that lavish aesthetic. His relationship to sexuality is drawn from personal experience as well - I identified as greysexual in my late teens/early 20s. He's really cuddly but not interested in anything more. And we both feel emotions intensely, especially guilt and affection.

The big difference is how we respond to those big emotions. I tend to go inward or get passive aggressive, like Ninlen, while Adelais explodes and starts lashing out. He was raised with aggression as an ideal, while I dealt with the opposite. He's also a lot more mischievous and willing to break the rules.

We'd get along fantastically though, he's like...exactly what I'm drawn to! People like Adelais are so fun to be around. I just want to be nice to him ahalksdjfalksjdf

12 - How long have they been around? do you know their birthday? is their birthday the day you made them or another day? what do they think of celebrating birthdays?

Adelais and Ninlen both came about last fall. But I think Adelais' birthday is in February.

Oh wait...that means it's probably coming right up in the story...um, happy soon-to-be birthday Adelais, hope you're enjoying the torture dungeon T_T

Anyway, yes, he loves birthdays, especially his birthday. He is an absolute diva about it. To be fair, as prince, he gets excellent presents.

[reunionatdawn]

My Analysis of the Best Paired Endings in 3H (Part 8: Manuela/Hanneman)

Hanneman: My sister is far from the only victim. Many noblemen have done the same to their own wives, and I despise them for it. So, my quest began. I would unlock the secrets of Crests, make them available to any who desired… If I achieved my goal, the nobility would be rendered obsolete, and my sister could finally rest peacefully.

Hanneman wanted to get married, but he always drove women away due to his life being consumed by his research and never being able to shut up about Crests. Unless you marry him yourself, the only other romantic option for Hanneman is Dorothea.

Manuela: My voice is a gift from the goddess. However, as all things do, it will decline with age. One day, I will lose that gift. And so I decided I needed to learn to survive without it, long before that day came. I needed to prove to myself that I can live on… even after my voice returns to the goddess.

Manuela is a more believable romantic partner. And she was in the same boat as he was because she felt like she'd spend her life alone, too. She felt like damaged goods due to her age and all of the unsavory things she had to do in the past to achieve her dream of performing in the opera. But she was a lot stronger than she seemed.

Hanneman: I see you act so irrationally, and I lose my wits. I care about you a great deal, and wish to see you safe. Will you believe me? Manuela: Yes, of course. I'm the same way, after all. I let my emotions get the best of me.

The writers sort of pushed these two together. Even their paralogue "Oil and Water" is shared with each other. The two always got into arguments and made up again, but it was precisely because of all their funny banter that I liked them together. They acted like they were already a married couple.

Hanneman: If we combine our abilities, housework would be conquered and dinner rendered delicious. There are other ways we could find to support one another, I would imagine. We might make a better pair than you think. You and I, together. Manuela: Huh. You might be on to something.

Hanneman bears the Crest of Indech, represented by Temperance. This arcana symbolizes the blending of opposites and the achieving of synthesis. It's about harmony, peace, and patience. Temperance brings a message of balance and moderation in all things. It is a card of collaboration, of trying to find common ground instead of forcing the will of one onto another.

Hanneman was right. There are even more ways they can support one another than just cooking and cleaning. They'd be able to support each other emotionally because they have a lot in common due to their pasts. Manuela is childfree. She cannot understand people like Alois who have kids, and when she has a baby with Ferdinand, she lives as a career woman and he is the child's primary caretaker. Hanneman is the last man who would ever value her for baby-making potential.

Manuela: Heh, it seems my longtime rival has taken his final bow before me. There is a gaping hole in my heart. Try as I might, I cannot rouse myself. I can almost hear him now: "Why are you so despondent? This is completely out of character for you." How I wish I could say back, "That's none of your business, you doddering old geezer!"

Their relationship is given even more prominence in Hopes where they both get their time to shine playing the hero for each other. When Hanneman comes to her rescue, Manuela even admits that she's into it. And Manuela worries for Hanneman before coming to his rescue. She is particularly grief-stricken if he doesn't survive. It shows how she cared about him much more than she let on.

Hanneman & Manuela After the war, Hanneman and Manuela held a grand wedding ceremony, to which all of their many students were invited. Later, as Garreg Mach came to be restored, the Officers Academy finally reopened, with a renewed focus on accepting students regardless of status. Manuela and Hanneman returned to work as teachers, almost as if nothing had changed, and filled the halls with their banter in the way only married couples can. Their relationship spawned a trend of romances among colleagues at the Officers Academy, but that is an entirely different story.

The two always argued like an old married couple. Might as well just become one. Nothing about their lives even changes when they get together. They maintain their positions at Garreg Mach and it's just business as usual. Hanneman can still continue his vital research to accomplish his dream and Manuela can continue being a surrogate mother to all her students.

[choppedcowboydinosaur]

2024′s Bizarre election

The 2024 election will be crazier than the 2016 or 2020 elections. It’s also very depressing. I want to address this as soon as possible since so much stuff keeps happening and changing during this election season. So, I want to give my view on the 2024 election now before any more big changes occur. Even if some parts of this will seem dated, I still want to voice my opinion on this and get it off my chest when I can. I will be focusing on the actions and stances of the candidates not any media slogan like calling the Republicans “weird”. Because I don’t think it will last in the long term. I mean does anyone remember Mitt Romney’s “binder full of women”? Didn’t think so. I hate the choices we have for the 2024 election. One theme about the 2024 elections seems to be how quickly things change and how weird and bizarre it gets.

Democrats: 

I will start with Joe Biden despite him no longer being the Democratic candidate. The reason I will talk about him is for historical context and to vent about all his flaws. Joe Biden sucks and is a senile old man. He is a walking joke of a president, and everyone knows it. Even the media knows it despite all the ass-kissing they did for him because they wanted to be part of the cool kid’s table. His administration has handled inflation poorly and have changed the definitions of recessions and how they record unemployment numbers just to make themselves look good. Because of their manipulation of economic data, I don’t trust their supposed progress. His foreign policy is basically him talking out of both sides of his mouth. He will say the Palestinians are suffering and wants to create peace between Israeli’s and Palestinians but still gives Israel weapons to obliterate Gaza. He says he wants peace with China yet continues the trade war against China that Trump started and continues military escalation against them. He says one thing and does another thing that undermines what he previously said. It’s just incoherent foreign policy. 

As for the Democratic primaries while some people argue they never had one this year they actually did have a primary. It was a very small one though where he never faced serious opposition. Instead, he faced token opposition like Marianne Williamson and one other guy. And on some level, I get why since the Democrats want to be united and maintain loyalty so they can beat Trump. The problem with this is they chose Biden of all people who is senile. You could have picked someone a bit younger and stilly mentally sharp like Elizabeth Warren or someone else. Granted I don’t like Elizabeth Warren but at least she’s not senile. So ultimately, they closed ranks around Biden for the sake of unity. This will be a running theme with the Democrats.

Then the debates happened, and everyone saw Joe Biden was a senile old man. The media couldn’t hide the fact Biden was senile anymore. And it just reinforced everyone’s concerns about the fact we are ruled by a gerontocracy. This includes Trump by the way since he is very old as well. Then something unprecedented occurred. They replaced Biden with Kamala Harris. The way they did this was very sudden and rushed. The first announcement of this replacement was a twitter post of all things. This was unprecedented and I’m not sure if this has ever been done in our country before.

So now that Kamala is the Democratic candidate, I will go over her stances and flaws. She did many terrible things during her time as Attorney General in California. She tried to keep prisoners in prison beyond their sentence for slave labor, she started an anti-truancy program to arrest truant children. Because arresting the caretaker of a truant child will convince them to go to school and not just fend for themselves since they have no one to take care of them now. It’s funny that many conservatives and the mainstream media regarded her as some sort of far left communist. She isn’t based on her track record. But then again, tumblr is very left wing compared to most social media sites so perhaps the perspective on this site might be skewed. Personally, I think she doesn’t hold any sincere political views but rather is a servant of power and she craves it. So, she says whatever is popular just to get power. 

The media coverage of Kamala is brazen in how clearly, they run cover for her. If I was a younger man in my 20′s I’d be furious trying to explain this blatant media fellatio. But I am not a young man, I’m 30 and at this point I expect nothing less from the craven press.

And then we have her foreign policy stances. Many of her fans defended her by saying she called for a cease fire in the current Israel-Gaza war, so she is a peacemaker, right? Except that nothing came of this call for a ceasefire and the war continues with even more hostages dead now. Also, it seems like that she only rhetorically wants peace in Gaza. When in reality her actions seem to want to continue the war and is following Joe Biden’s foreign policy. Also, she seems to try and silence any criticism about her handling of the Israel-Gaza war rather than address them. The articles below go into more detail on how shallow her calls for peace in the Israel-Gaza war truly are.

https://www.thenation.com/article/politics/gaza-kamala-harris-tim-walz/

https://responsiblestatecraft.org/harris-gaza-protesters/

https://responsiblestatecraft.org/kamala-harris-israel-gaza/

Then we have her running mate, Tim Walz. Who form what I have heard about him was responsible for the lockdowns in Minnesota and the ensuing riots. I’ve seen people on the right criticize him for the lockdowns and people on the left criticize him for cracking down on the protestors/rioters during the summer of love that was 2020. That and he did all the usual stuff that progressives tend to do like endorse identity politics and such. Despite these things I will try to be charitable on him regarding one subject matter, foreign policy. From what I have read he might be good on foreign policy as a consistent anti-war guy as explained by this article https://responsiblestatecraft.org/harris-walz/. While his foreign policy might be good the Vice President doesn’t have much influence on foreign policy usually. The one exception I can think of was Dick Cheney but even then, he was more an exception to the rule. Since, if you remember the Bush years the media often portrayed Bush as a moron and Cheney was the one secretly in charge.

Overall, for the Democrats they have internal problems they refuse to address. I’m saying this as an outsider looking in. I can understand the need for unity but eventually they will have to deal with their own problems in their party and I don’t just mean the Israel/Palestine issue. I also mean things like putting emphasis of identity politics over the working class, the fact they reinforce the stereotype of them being coastal elites out of touch with the common man and that it’s basically become a country club for the Clintons and their cronies rather than trying to advance some political goal. This is to their own detriment since the longer they avoid their internal problems the more painful it will become when they finally have to address it. The democrats like to say that the Republicans are a Trump cult and while they are the Democrats have no moral high ground to stand on since they too are a cult. Instead of worshipping a man they worship the party and blindly do whatever it commands even if it completely contradicts the stances the party had held a day ago. This is the phenomenon called, “Vote Blue No Matter Who” and it is a very toxic phenomenon. Because the fact they blindly vote for whatever crappy candidate the Democratic party puts out rather than demand for better it will screw them and many other people over. Hell, it already has screwed people over. In fact, it’s how we got into this mess in the first place beginning in 2016. I remember back when Biden first got elected in 2020 and Democrats said they’d hold him accountable if he ever did anything bad. And 4 years later and they have never held him accountable at all. It’s so frustrating because this not only fucks over regular Democrats it also fucks over innocent people who never asked to be a part of this. 

Someday the 2016 election will end but it will not happen this year. In fact, it may not happen years from now even. The Democratic Party needs to do some serious soul searching if they want to survive.

RFK Jr: 

I’m not jumping for joy on RFK Jr. His gun control stance is terrible and some of his environmental stances were questionable at best. I know he said he switched from a government based environmental platform to a free market based one, but I still don’t trust the guy. Tom Woods and Scott Horton were initially excited about him though Scott Horton turned on him due to his stance on Israel. Tom Woods is somewhat nice about him in the sense that he does not agree that he should be censored. Otherwise, he still disagrees with him on some stuff. Then he decided to throw in the towel to align with Trump. So yeah, I never trusted this guy at all. My view on him overall is that at best he is right about a few things but there are other people who cover the same issues he does and do a far better job of it.

Republicans: 

Now onto the Republicans. Personally, I am very meh on the Republicans. For the Republican side we have Trump for President and JD Vance for Vice President, they are not good choices. We have already seen what 4 years of Trump in office is like and he did not drain the swamp. Instead, he continued to serve its will and filled his advisors with swamp creatures and neocon war hawks. He continued the surveillance state, started trade wars with China and continues to escalate them. He started the Covid lockdowns and allowed the Fed to print so much money to flood the economy which caused the inflation we are now stuck in. So, while he still rails against the establishment (at least the bureaucratic side of the establishment) that fucked him over he is not your friend. He is controlled opposition and a false idol. 

The same goes for his VP pick JD Vance. Now I can get why people would want to support JD Vance since he is against the wars in the Middle East. The problem is that his policies would continue the wars and also create new theaters of battle like in China or the Mexican border. There is no real anti-war party for the big two parties. The Democrats are hawkish on Ukraine fighting Russia and somewhat hawkish on Palestine. (The establishment democrats are pro-Israel while the rank and file just want peace.) While the Republicans are hawkish on China, Israel/Palestine and the Mexican border. If you want further proof of how misleading the Republicans are in being supposedly anti-establishment, I recommend reading a series of Substack articles called, “Gangweed Conservatism” by Marcel (aka  Anarchyinblack) on his Substack.  In those articles he goes into more detail about the Peter Thiel connections with many big players in the Republican party, military industrial complex and Peter Thiel’s use of “alternative” influencers pushing psychedelic drugs as some “based” thing when it isn’t.

The reason why I keep harping on about this is I fear many rank, and file conservatives are being manipulated. It’s great that many of them are turning away from the all the forever wars the neocons have pushed but this new alternative will not end the wars. Instead, they will redirect them to new theaters of war. This might sound harsh as some might argue that at least it’s an improvement the Republicans are shifting away from the neocon foreign policy. I mean you can’t expect them to become Ron Paul style non-interventionists overnight, right? Well considering Ron Paul managed to turn many conservatives into non-interventionists yes, I do think they can turn into non-interventionists overnight. Also, I put a high priority on foreign policy because what we do overseas comes back to haunt us. It’s this thing called the blowback effect which we have been suffering from since arguably the 1940′s hell even earlier. So, I can’t afford to grade foreign policy on a curve when the stakes are this high. Especially, when the government seems hell bent on starting a completely unnecessary war with China.

Overall, the Republican candidates are false idols and any conservative reading this should be wary of them. Basically, the Democrats are a cult who blindly worship the party like something out of 1984. While the Republicans worship Trump due to his cult of personality.

Libertarian party: 

Honestly, I should have paid more attention to the Libertarian Party primaries this year. I should keep up with libertarian party news more often. My ideal candidate was Spike Cohen but he’s not running this year. I felt that Spike Cohen is a good combination of being outspoken but not falling into the autistic traps that many libertarians unfortunately fall into. He’s done great work with his You Are the Power organization and helped the Australian LibDems become the Australian Libertarian Party. From what I understand the main motivation of the Aussies for this change was due to the Covid Lockdowns which were much stricter over there than they ever were in the U.S. Also, I think his experience as Jo Jorgensen’s running mate during the 2020 elections would give him an advantage in campaigning. Alas, he did not but a man can dream.

The main candidates I was aware of were: Chase Oliver, Lars and Joshua Smith. Chase Oliver won the primary. I initially mistook him for the writer of the Brickbat section for Reason magazine. Though it turns out that was Charles Oliver not Chase Oliver. Anyway, Chase Oliver is part of the Classical Liberal caucus for the Libertarian party, he ran for the Senate seat for Georgia in 2022 and has done some activism against the Cop City project in Georgia. I’m not fully sure how I feel about him since some stances he has are good others aren’t. For example, he has really bad takes on the Covid lockdowns and masks. Which annoys me because I think the lockdowns did far more harm than good and we should never repeat them again. They do not work in fighting infectious diseases and cause great social harm that was completely unnecessary. The best way to describe him is to paraphrase Substack writer Brad Pearce, “He is good on all the main issues Libertarians care about, but he is terrible on the wedge issues libertarians care about.” So, when it comes to the drug war, foreign policy and the usual libertarian issues he’s good on those but terrible on the Covid lockdowns. I will have to wait and see how this Chase Oliver guy plays out.

The other part of the Libertarian Party I would like to talk about is the Mises Caucus. So, a few years ago the Mises caucus took over the Libertarian Party with its main head being Dave Smith. Now many expected Dave to run for the Libertarian primaries for the presidential election but he decided not to since his wife is pregnant, and he’d rather take care of his upcoming family. Fair enough I think that’s an honorable and reasonable thing to do. So, then you had candidates like Joshua Smith and Michael Rectenwald replace him. Apparently, when Michael Rectenwald was giving a speech at the Libertarian Party National Convention on why he should be elected president he was stoned the whole time and made a fool of himself. Hopefully, nobody asked him where Aleppo was. So apparently, that’s the reason why Michael Rectenwald lost to Chase Oliver. On the one hand I get that the Libertarian Party has always been kind of a home for misfits who buck the stuffy decorum that the Republicans and Democrats demand but on the other hand you can make yourself presentable and avoid shooting yourself in the foot. Which unfortunately appears to be what Michael Rectenwald did. It’s sad that the Libertarian Party keeps doing this to itself.

The only other candidate I want to talk about briefly is this Lars guy. From what I saw of Lars his platform was the usual libertarian platform though his strategy seemed to be to win certain states so he could win the presidency. It appears this did not work out for him.

Overall, for the 2024 elections I’m not happy about most of the choices. As I stated in the beginning the main theme of this election cycle seems to be how quickly things change and that it will only get weirder and more bizarre from here on out. I have no idea who will win this time around. I thought Trump would win in 2020, but he did not. So, it seems like anything is fair game at this point. 

It looks terrible and hopefully one day we can finally fix our shit. But that day will not come for years, I fear. It seems like things will only get worse before it gets better so you should prepare accordingly. I don’t want to be completely blackpilled here so I would like to end with this piece of advice. Focus on fixing the things you have control over not the things you have no control over. By doing that we can hopefully begin to fix the problems of our society.

[juniperhillpatient]

I feel like over explaining my thought process behind aspects of happenstance, not because anyone asked just because I love rambling about my projects & hey - maybe if ur a reader you’ll find it interesting idk. I take a very specific approach to the “he would not fucking say that” vs “it’s fanfic that’s the whole point” dichotomy of fan creation & it’s “under what circumstances would he say that?” it’s all about pushing the characters to new limits & playing with them in new genres & with different backstories (that still take from their core canon backstories but change things slightly. changing it too completely defeats the purpose for me but that’s another post)

under the cut you’ll find me ranting & raving about my own character writing & psychoanalyzing Azula, Katara, & Jet the three most important characters lbr

let’s start with a question. I haven’t seen it recently but I’ve seen it before for this story & I like talking about the worsties a lot so - “why are Jet & Azula best friends when they’re constantly horrible to each other?” because they’re both the absolute worst next question <3 just kidding I’m going to elaborate. to understand this dynamic (which none of the other characters really do, side note) you gotta understand these 2 are not friends despite being awful to each other - the fact that they get to be awful is a big reason they’re such good friends.

Azula & Jet share some very unpleasant character traits that other fans might prefer to downplay or have them work on in fics but that contribute to my love for them - they’re both deeply manipulative & more often than not treat relationships transactionally based on what they get out of it. there’s exceptions obviously where each of their more endearing traits persevere in some relationships but they are absolutely not each other’s exception - the opposite. they get to be cruel to each other & sabotage each other & arguably each get a sense of satisfaction (or at least feel better about themselves) watching the other’s failures (Azula actively find’s entertainment in Jet’s lack of ability to have a stable relationship, the second Jet notices Azula’s relationship slipping he considers making a move, she used his horrible drunk driving accident against him & he mocked her for her lack of sexual experience & for her addiction etc etc)

I think there is something deliciously addictive to both Jet & Azula about a friend they can be their worst self around & toward hence why there is no boundaries to how nasty they can be & they will always forgive each other instantly because they both feed on letting their crueler tendencies reign free on a target that won’t flinch away & will be awful back validating them that they aren’t THAT bad because the other is Like That too.

so why did Jet almost kiss Azula in the latest chapter despite this clearly being a horrible idea? why did she act so flirty & practically invite a kiss? why did Katara not get upset about it?

let’s start with Jet. aside from being a slut, Jet has emotional intelligence mostly just when it’s convenient for him & right now it’s not. so. I don’t think he’s considering how much this would hurt Zuko & Jin, instead convincing himself there’s a scenario where it would be fine. I think Jet tends to view things from a selfish lens on a personal level. his politics are about helping people (…kind of. but maybe even more about hating the fire nation) & he views himself as a caretaker for people like Smellerbee & Longshot but he also likes to see what he can get away with at all time. this is totally based on brief canon stuff btw - Jet absolutely sees Katara’s attraction to him & uses it to his advantage so he can make his flood plan happen not caring if the truth would upset Katara even if he does seem to like her & want her approval. what he wants to see happen is more important. if Jet were forced to stop & think & empathize he wouldn’t want to hurt Zuko & Jin like that but the blurred lines within the friend group & Azula’s behavior are a cocktail for disaster already & Jet’s selfish desire to push boundaries has been awakened.

it may sound like I hate jet but it’s actually just that John mulaney meme like “my wife is a bitch & I like her SO much” <3

I will also say - jets tendency to view relationships so coldly even when it’s people he deeply cares about (in his own messy way) is a byproduct of being a kid who raised other kids. he HAD to develop a cynical & hard outlook because he saw his family killed & took on raising his friends - including turning to criminal activity at an extremely young age. that doesn’t happen without warping a person. Jet & Katara’s trauma is actually very similar in the sense of growing up fast but they react in almost opposite ways. more on my girl katara soon!

last thing - there’s a much more subtle note of self destructive tendencies with Jet risking sabotaging his own relationship. like it’s mostly that he’s a selfish jerk but also he’s never had anything good last in his life & he’s at a weird “I didn’t think I would get this far what now?” moment. the boys most stable long term relationships are his besties who he views himself as a caretaker for. Jet doesn’t think he deserves anything good for himself despite his grandiose self aggrandizement suggesting otherwise at all times & he has no idea how to handle a real stable relationship. this insecurity is worsened when he expresses it to Azula & she mocks him & validates that uncertainty. (this is going on long enough so I won’t ramble too much more but. well Jet hating himself beneath the false swagger & having a history of self sabotage hopefully isn’t a huge shock in a story where he wanted to ignore medical treatment after getting hit by a semi & shrank & became uncharacteristically apologetic & meek when Zuko called him out for it…)

ok now let’s talk about Azula. my girl is just as ready to use people like pawns as Jet (she’s actually mostly more self aware about this character trait than him I think though not in this specific instance). but she wouldn’t cheat, right? correct! still - let’s get into a psychoanalysis <3

Azula doesn’t just love Katara. she’s deeply unhealthily infatuated with her. the bestie broke away from her dad & said “who can I treat like a god next?” & didn’t wait for an answer. Azula is fully incapable at this point in the story of being an individual. She has lived her entire life as a tool serving someone else’s whims & she doesn’t know how to stop. her entire self worth hinges on Katara’s approval… & no amount of validation will ever be enough when u have exactly zero self worth. Azula would never dream of being purposefully disloyal to Katara but what she would do is desperately seek validation from other sources because no one, not even Katara in all her desire to take care of people, can give Azula what she’s looking for & it’s left her with a hollow sense of self hate & emptiness that is impossible to fill yet she has no choice but to try.

i typically think Azula is very capable of manipulation EXCEPT romantically or flirtatiously because she has no clue how to flirt but I think with Jet in this scenario it’s different for several reasons. 1. their history 2. their by now extremely tight friendship. the fact that they find each other easy company when they’re not at each other’s throats is the other cornerstone of this dynamic 3. she’s not fully self aware of what she’s doing & if she was she would stop & punish herself, probably harshly.

Azula would deny it vehemently both outwardly & to herself if anyone tried to accuse her of seducing Jet. but the brief high she gets from his validation leads her to continue to act the way she does. Azula NEEDS any form of positive attention she can get because she has nothing without external validation:

onto Katara - why didn’t Katara give a shit that Jet tried to kiss Azula? there are a few reasons. Katara wears her heart on her sleeve & she treats others like they do as well even when there is evidence to the contrary. Katara takes people at their word & gets extremely hurt when she’s wrong. Azula has admitted many times to being closed off emotionally but Katara still continually expects Azula to be more open & honest than she is & gets hurt every time Azula makes herself difficult to read. this is because Katara sees it as her job to be emotionally responsible for the people around her. she grew up practically raising herself & her brother because their father couldn’t be fully present. this was in the aftermath of the extreme trauma of losing Kya - something Katara blames herself for. & she also blames herself anytime someone close to her experiences something negative, especially Azula who she’s designated herself as fully responsible for. hence why it KILLS katara that she cannot always read Azula & in this instance, she’s misreading Azula badly & she doesn’t even know it.

Katara doesn’t realize that the almost kiss is something Azula invited out of insecurity because Azula hasn’t opened up about that (because she’s not even self aware about it herself.) if katara understood that missing context, everything would change. Katara would instantly sympathize & be upset (for a multitude of reasons, certainly jealousy being up there but mostly out of a desire to fix Azula’s broken mental state) & she would try to give even more validation to Azula (an impossible task that would only lead to more hurt & stress for Katara because she’s already giving so much of herself.) But, again, she continually expects Azula to just explain things to her in a therapy speak that Azula is mostly terrible at (although she puts in an impressive effort at times thanks to character development & Katara’s pushing.) So, instead of understanding that this was a moment of deep insecurity for Azula, Katara reads the comment as “Jet was being Jet, he’s such a jerk sometimes but whatever we’re all used to it.”

Katara is right about something with Azula - Azula would never cheat. Now that Katara understands Azula’s extreme worship of her she is deeply disturbed by it & aware that it is not healthy for either of them. So - that’s her main concern. Fixing Azula’s problems & reassuring Azula are Katara’s priorities. There is no insecurity or concerns about Azula having a wandering eye - & there shouldn’t be because that’s not the issue! Katara just should’ve realized this was indicative of bigger issues rather than pushing the whole thing off on Jet being a bit annoying & slutty which is the easy answer - & Katara is desperate for easy answers right now.

a bigger problem for Katara is that she’s run into these problems she can’t fix with Azula - like their disagreement on the future, like Azula’s unhealthy hero worship or Katara - & it’s driving poor Katara insane because what is she good for if not compulsively fixing things?

Katara doesn’t have the emotional energy to stress over a friend trying to kiss Azula when she’s not worried about Azula cheating & their friend group is just kinda Like That anyway. all her energy is being used on looking for simple solutions to complex problems. Katara HATES this fight about the future because she can’t just fix it so she’d much rather deflect. she’s insistent they move on because she doesn’t have an answer so thinking about it is like torture. there’s no time to waste on some dumb almost kiss she NEEDS to focus on what she believes is a solution to this bigger problem- discussing a distraction! (the opposite of a solution. we love delusional girlies)

Katara’s view of herself as Azulas caretaker also means she’s DESPERATE to not fight, something that causes them both negative emotions (not that Katara gives a shit about her own negative emotions, she only views herself as worth anything if people around her are happy so it’s really about shielding Azula not herself). from Katara’s standpoint the almost kiss is a potential reason to fight & when they’re already fighting so much lately of course she’s determined to blow it off. she reacts with completely fake possessiveness only when she realizes that’s what Azula wants. & it’s silly & kinky but also sad because of course she sincerely thinks Azula is hers of course she doesn’t want Azula to be with anyone else but it’s still an act - it’s not about that sincere stuff - it’s about reacting how she thinks Azula wants her to. Azula’s tendency to try & please Katara to unhealthy degrees is more blatant but Katara does the exact same thing when it comes to behaving however she thinks she should to please Azula - to keep her mentally healthy & clean because Katara views that as her responsibility. also don’t assume katara isn’t mad at jet at all, but she knows how possessive azula is of that friendship & wouldn’t want to cause more issues between her & azula by making it a thing. doesn’t mean shes not a bit pissed at Jet.

Azula believes herself functionally useless if she’s not serving at someone’s altar & Katara believes herself functionally useless if she’s not constantly solving every problem & acting as a caregiver for someone- they’re perfect for each other! but also they’ve both taken these tendencies to the extreme in a way that is unsustainable & hurting them both.

so - that’s why the almost kiss played out the way it did & why Katara reacted (or failed to react) the way she did based on my analysis of my own characters.

thank you goodnight xoxo

tldr: Azula & Jet are the worst most selfish people but it’s ok cause they have trauma so they can be awful ✨as a treat ✨ & Katara is losing her goddamn mind but I’m sure a foursome on a pirate ship will fix her

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

chapter 1 : the loser in the seat next to you.

no quirk au, mentions of fighting and violence, the yakuza and my very little knowledge of it, privates schools..i have no experience w them, gang violence, found family trope my love, crime syndicate boss daughter! reader, badboy bodyguard! katsuki x fem reader, sunshine reader, reader cries and is shy around new ppl, hurt/BIG comfort, CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TO LUVERS TROPE MY STAR, almost polar opposites, jealous katsuki, reader has a last name but it will be explained later, original characters, izuku catches many strays i promise i lub him yall, touchy katsu touchy reader, slight romantic tension ouuuu, mentions of food n cooking, lemme know if i missed sum (might add more in future chapters !)

a/n : BIG 4K CHAPTER RAGHHH TYSM!!

katsuki cannot remember a single time prior to living with you that anybody had taken care of him.

he thinks his parents might’ve. he doesn’t care to remember them and it’s not like he could, he was a baby when they’d dropped him off in the shithole he called home for eleven years, but at the very least they’d tried to drop him off somewhere where he could’ve had another chance. where he could’ve been taken in by different people and were his circumstances different he could’ve ended up being someone else’s son with someone else’s last name.

but he’s not. and that’s the most care he’s been shown.

his caretakers, and he uses the term loosely, seemed to think that as long as he stayed alive, that as long as he had food is his belly and water to drink he was taken care of enough. and to be fair, katsuki thought that was enough for him too, cus he didn’t know anything else.

alliances and groups were always formed with ulterior motives in mind. associate yourself with someone stronger than you so you could stay on their good side, get in the stronger people’s good graces and rat out the ones lagging behind so you wouldn’t be left alone. they were always for protection but never a mutual one.

and that’s why he didn’t like being in groups, the thought of not knowing what all these other people who claim to be on your side truly think about you made katsuki nervous. trust was for losers like tadashi, some moron who always talked big shit just because he was apart of some well known group in town. only for him to get a tooth knocked out by one of his squad mates and ever since that day no one ever heard him speak again and everyone called him no tooth tadashi.

trust was for idiots, and katsuki was far from one. so he pushed people away, he kicked and stomped and broke people who thought they could use him for their own protection. because if there’s one thing he hates it's when people use him.

trust was for morons and protection was for weaklings, he didn’t need anyone to take care of him. he didn’t even know how to, but if this was it he didn’t want any part of it.

it’s about 9 am and you’re still in bed. katsuki thanks his lucky star because he’s sure if you ever caught him watching mr. nakazawa cook he’d never hear the end of it. and then he’d have to stop watching because you’d insist he wake you up at the same time as him.

he doesn’t know what’s being made but from the smell alone he can tell it’ll be delicious. he can’t see too well what’s happening, only being able to see and hear some rhythmic cutting and the sizzling of a pan.

“you could come over here if you wanna get a closer look,” katsuki jumps at the man’s voice, his eyes widen but he tentatively steps inside of the kitchen.

“how’d you know i was here ?” he asks quietly, the white haired man smiles knowingly, his eyes not leaving the pan in front of him.

"i've got really sharp senses on me." his hands aren't stopping in their motions, katsuki wonders how skilled you have to be to make two different motions with your hands, he can't do it.

"they're important when you're cooking, you gotta know which spices to use, make sure ya don't burn anythin'.." katsuki listens intently as the chef talks, eyes drifting towards the pan. karage pops and crackles, two omurices lay sizzling on another pan. one for you and one for him and katsuki feels his chest tingle, he still needs to remind himself the feeling isn't a bad one despite the burn he feels.

there are some fruits for dessert sitting on the side still uncut, katsuki recognizes your favourite sitting amongst them. "if you want, you could help me out. i'm kinda in need of a hand since 'im being overworked by the big boss." mr. nakazawa's voice cuts through katsuki's train of thought, he sighs like he's exhausted but there's a slight smile on his face.

katsuki looks towards the hallway before looking back at the older male "mr. matsumoto already left, though ?"

"it's miss yn i'm talkin' about, the kid can be a real handful. you wouldn't believe how much food she has me make !" he jests, and katsuki snorts to himself when he comments about how your stomach was a black hole, he agrees.

"so," the cook nudges katsuki slightly "wanna help me out ?"

and usually, katsuki doesn't help anybody, and if he somehow does it's not unless he can get something from it. so he doesn't understand why he nods so eagerly. he hates when people order him around, he never listens to what anyone has to say yet he carries you on his back when you ask and he listens immediately when mr. nakazawa asks him to go wash his hands first. he follows his instructions on how to cut the fruit properly and his end up looking a bit wonky, but mr. nakazawa tells him it's a start and he'll do better next time. next time..

katsuki's never had anybody take care of him, but his chest tightens and he thinks this might be it.

you wake up a little bit later, rubbing sleepily at your eyes only for them to bulge when you see him and mr. nakazawa in the kitchen. said man claps katsuki's back and proudly exclaims to you that katsuki had cut up the fruit you were eating. your favourite ones. katsuki feels his ears burn and he looks away, he doesn't understand why the older man is so happy and boasting about something he himself didn't do. he doesn't understand why you don't comment on how wonky your fruits looked compared to the one's the chef had chopped. instead you ask him if it's true, if he'd really cut these for you. so he nods because katsuki hates lying, cheeks and ears burning. you beam and continue eating, thanking him and mr. nakazawa for all their hard work as you happily munch away.

katsuki finally sits down next to you getting his own portion of food. he didn't get to help out much today, but he's determined to wake up earlier tomorrow so he can cook even more and cut up even more fruits for you. so he can learn to make them less wonky and have mr. nakazawa teach him more so you can enjoy more and more of the food he's made.

katsuki's never taken care of anyone because nobody ever cared for him. but he thinks that this might be it.

the first day katsuki ever goes to school, he decides he already hates it with a passion.

school itself isn't really hard. sure, it's his first day, but it's super easy. and most of the teachers are nice to him, even though he doesn't need them to be since he's had way worse. he just doesn't like the looks he gets. there's too many people in one class, all looking at him because he's new. he feels like some kind of zoo animal.

they're probably looking at him because of the stink eye he has and the glares he shoots at his new classmates. you'd told him once that some people might be scared of him because of his looks--and that was completely fine with him. he'd much rather stay in his comfort zone. he doesn't want people to look at him curiously, he wants the only reason people look at him to be out of weariness of him, like if they were to look away for even a second he'd pounce on them. he likes that.

you're the complete opposite though. katsuki thinks it's weird that you do such a big 180 when you see new people. your dad had told him that this would be both your first days since you'd been homeschooled until then. you cling to him the entire day and he doesn't mind it 'cus you always do, but you're quiet. you aren't chatty and bratty like you always are. you sit next to him quietly during breaks and at one point you don't come back from the bathroom and katsuki, who had been waiting for you ( he can't just run off, he is your bodyguard after all) gets tired of waiting and makes his way over to the girls bathroom, getting some strange looks but he doesn't care. only to stop dead in his tracks when he hears sniffling.

you're crying.

katsuki doesn't take care of people, he doesn't help people. because he's never been taken care of. or because he doesn't need it or maybe because he just doesn't know how to. but he knocks at your stall door, the door rattles with how hard he knocks at it while your whimpers make his skin itch. he tells you he'll beat up the person who did this no matter who they are and to hurry up and come out 'cus he's here.

you tell him that everyone keeps looking at you weirdly, that they whisper about you and that it makes you nervous and that you don't like it, that you want to go home. and katsuki who has no idea how to take care of people, who will probably get in trouble if someone were to see him in here but could care less because you're still crying and that irritates him, tells you that you just needed to point someone out, and he'd do it.

"i don't care if it's everyone in school, even if it's the fuckin' principal, i'll beat up everyone who looked at you weird, okay ?" he urges. so he tells you to stop crying and that he'd take you home. you ask him why, why he'd get himself in trouble for you. even though you joked the night before that if he kept looking nasty he wouldn't be able to make any friends and he'd told you to shut up.

he tells you it's because he's your bodyguard, and katsuki wonders if this is taking care of somebody too.

so yeah, school's super easy. and the teachers aren't bad, but it made you cry, and katsuki decides he hates it with a passion.

when you get to senior year, you're not sitting next to katsuki anymore.

it's been a crazy couple of years since then, and you've gotten better at interacting with people. you've made some acquaintances, but you still cling to katsuki the most. you don't have him carry you on his back (as much) anymore but you've still kept some of your older routines. katsuki's gotten better at cutting up your fruits and cooking in general, so much so that you insist on him cooking your lunch everyday. katsuki tells you not to be stupid, that you should learn to cook on your own. but he helps you like mr. nakazawa once did for him, sure not as gently but considering his line of work he doesn't need to be. and you're learning so that's a win.

he's come a long way from weekly training sessions with your dad and your other uncles. he still isn't allowed to go out on missions that involve killing, that's one thing he is strictly forbidden from asking for. but he gets to go along with other squad member on what your uncle takashi called a règlement de compte. basically, a bunch of dumb french words to say he finds people that fucked with members of his squad or their turf—and fucks them up good.

this is what he's good at, what he's good with. he's good when there's no talking involved. when it's just flying fists and the familiar sting of his knuckles and the adrenaline pumping through him. he hates it when people underestimate him, especially because they're older than him. but he thrives off the looks of fear they give him when he ends up rocking their shit. he's undefeated and the most feared member of his squad and he feels like he's a little kid again. when whispers of him would circle and even just a glance at him made people backtrack in fear. some even called him matsumoto's mad dog, and it's something he's insanely proud of.

and of course, he's still your bodyguard.

but in school he's none of that. he's just katsuki bakugou. a boy some teachers call a delinquent who looks kinda scary. and the boy who never starts fights, but always finishes them.

and then there's you, who hangs out with him everyday. you who calls him katsu or suki and other cheesy stupid nicknames. who pulls his cheeks up to get him to smile more. who looks him straight in the eyes and tells him he'll get wrinkles by next year if he keeps looking nasty.

you're a sweet little thing. you help your classmates and you get along with them easily. you do good in the subjects you like and manage in the ones you don't as long as katsuki tutors you. you're funny, and you're easy to get along with and your smile absolutely lights up the room (you didn't hear that last part from him though).

on the surface, your father owns a pretty successful business. which landed you both into a private school. katsuki hates how he has to wear the same annoying uniform every day and he'd ditched his jacket not too long after getting it. you'd enjoyed it at first, but you quickly got tired of it too, although you still keep your jacket and added some cute socks to add your own personal touch to it.

from elementary, middle and high school you've always consistently sat right next to katsuki in class. he never admitted it but he really liked that. not only because you were the only person he liked tolerated at school, but also because he could pick on you and poke you with his pencil. you could whisper dumb jokes to each other and he could easily pass you crudely drawn notes of the teachers you disliked. he remembers one time you'd gotten in trouble and had to clean up the classroom as punishment after class. but you got in trouble together and you ended up messing up the classroom even worse than it was before, but you'd had a blast and you walked out of school right next to him.

but this year, you're not sitting next to him anymore. you're sitting next to some new kid.

he reminds him of one of the golden boys at his old orphanage so much that katsuki wonders if he'd ever seen him before. izuku midoriya looks like if the teacher spoke any louder while introducing him he'd piss his pants. katsuki fights the urge to scoff.

he looks unbearably plain. boring, uninteresting and every other adjective. the green haired boy looks like he'd get bullied by the janitor. like he'd fall onto the floor and apologise to the floor for being in its way.

basically, he looked like a loser.

and he's the one who sits next to you.

katsuki's been moved to a row behind and across from you, next to somebody he can't be bothered to remember the name of. on the very first day nothing happens, he watches you greet the freckled boy politely and he squeaks out something that makes you laugh, it's probably stupid.

the next day, midoriya forgets his literature book, so you share yours with him. katsuki would've just told him it was too damn bad but you're not like him. your shoulders brush when you sit closer to him so you can both look. you flash him a smile and the boy flushes all the way to his ears, so stupid.

throughout the week you keep talking with midoriya. katsuki doesn't understand what's so special about a seemingly boring guy, when you've literally got a bodyguard. (it's not like the others know, but still). you keep touching him, too. you always let him borrow the notebooks he forgets and you even fixed his tie once. katsuki doesn't wear his tie, he'd stopped wearing it back in his freshman year, but he wishes you'd fix his too. it's childish and it's stupid.

on the way home, you mention how nice izuku is. he's forgotten that was the loser's name and something ugly flares up inside him when you say his name like that, all sweet and stupid and mushy. the tone you use when you want him to make you pancakes because he does them so well. he acts like he doesn't care.

katsuki doesn't sit next to you anymore, but at home it's just you and him. and when it's just you and him you have your weekly movie nights on weekends, a tradition for years now that katsuki has stopped pretending to be upset about. you and him, sharing popcorn and your finger brushing and you sleeping against his shoulder when you get tired. when you fall asleep and katsuki watches your lashes as you dream, it's just you and him.

a few weeks later, you stay behind after school. apparently izuku needs some help with maths. and you're sweet and different from katsuki who would've told him it was his loss, so you'll be home a bit later. katsuki can't control the muscles in his face in time because he makes a face, but he shrugs and turns away. (not before watching you happily skip off with the freckled loser, who mirrors your expression. he watches your lips move, and he wonders what you're talking about.)

katsuki thinks it's stupid. why does he have to listen to you ? he's your bodyguard, he's supposed to stay and keep you safe. but that smile on your face while you talk to the other guy, that would be too much for him.it irritates him to think about it. so he grips his bag tighter, clenches his teeth and walks back alone.

he can't ask you how it went when you get home because he has another score to settle with some no name gang. it irritates him, but he thinks he can blow some steam by punching someone's face in. he doesn't want to admit that he thinks about that freckled fucking loser when his fist makes contact with the bastard he had to find. because that's stupid, and katsuki is far from that.

he'd been more careless than usual tonight, so when he comes back you see the small cut on his nose. you're whining about how he should be more careful despite knowing what line of work he's been put in. it's irritating but katsuki doesn't want to admit that it doesn't bother him as much today. he wants to ask you how your little study date went, but he can't fix his lips to, he hates the way that sounds. and you're already dragging him off to your room where your medkit is. katsuki wants you to smile at him.

katsuki sits down onto your bed, your soft sheets make contact with his skin, he tries his best not to dirty them. your rooms changed some throughout the years, your interests changing along with you.

the first time you'd tried to patch katsuki up was when he was 14 and he'd gotten into a fight. he can't remember what for, but he does remember how you cried. he didn't understand why you did at the time, especially since you were angry at him too, so it confused him even more. you tussled a bit when katsuki refused you but a bandaid on him, saying he could do it by himself. then you'd screamed at him, your voice cracking and breaking, eyebrows furrowed. he can't remember what you'd said fully, too shocked by your expression. wether it was that he was too stubborn for his own good or that he could get an infection. he sat still after your babbling and you both sit quietly. you finally press the bandaid to his face and while you cleaned up his knuckles, you whispered.

"i really don't like it when you get hurt."

you know he's your bodyguard, that sometimes he just has to get hurt. 'cus he's apart of your dad's clan and they get hurt too. they got him out of the nightmare he lived in and it wouldn't be fair that he didn't get hurt as well. your bandages are a little loose because you'd never done this before, but katsuki doesn't say anything. after you'd finished he mumbled "i won't let anyone get a hit on me anymore."

i'll be more careful, i won't worry you anymore. i won't get hurt, so don't be sad.

you're eyes shine and you hug him tightly. his bandages are coming loose already, but he'll fix them later. he won't tell you, because you want to take care of him. he doesn't need it or want it. but his knuckles feel better and his chest feels warm, in the good way. he feels his arms wrap around you. you feel warm just like him, and he thinks this is it.

katsuki snaps out of his thought when your bed dips and he sees you. your eyebrows are pinched in worry.

"what happened ?" you're not looking at him, already cutting up some bandages.

"wasn't paying attention, bastard got a hit on me. won't happen again." he scoffs, you huff a light laugh. looking up at him mischievously. "thought you said nobody would get a hit on you anymore ?" you giggle, just the sound of it has his ears burning.

"shut up, told you it won't happen again." he scoffs, pushing at your arm. you shake your head affectionately, gesturing for his hand and he gives it to you (reluctantly). your skin feels softer than the sheets, katsuki has to keep his heart in check. "anything else hurt ?" you ask, katsuki grunts and you eye him.

"katsuki—"

"no. nothing hurts, m'good. drop it." it comes out rougher than he means, than he means with you. but you simply roll your eyes, already used to his moods. "if you're worried about me, you shoulda seen him." he huffs proudly. "i don't think i want to see that." you snort, katsuki rolls his eyes.

he wants to see you smile like you did before. what could that other guy have said that made you laugh so hard ? that makes you touch him and fix his tie and makes you stay behind at school with him ?

katsuki wonders if you have a crush on the loser in the seat next to you. he's your bodyguard, yet the ugly little feelings rears its head again and he can't help himself.

"how'd your date go ?"

fucking shit.

you blink, then snort "what date ? i was helping izuku out with math, i told you that." the bandaid around his knuckles tightens "don't say stupid stuff."

his chest feels just a bit lighter, but he still hasn't gotten to his goal just yet. "better be careful, next time he'll ask you for help fixing his diaper. fuckin' crybaby." katsuki barks a laugh when you slap his shoulder, holding back a smile of your own. he lifts your head up with his unoccupied hand. you grab at it to push him away "m'not done yet, stop it !" you squeal.

"no worries, i won't tell anyone," he smirks, you poke at his cheek with a smile "it's just us, princess. promise i won't ruin your image." he still calls you that princess nickname, because you're snobby, bratty and spoiled, but it's a bit more affectionate in the roughness of his voice that only you catch on to. you try not to look too affected by it with an eye roll. your hand flies away from his face when he snaps at your fingers.

"you're such an asshat." you huff, the smirk on his face makes your heart thump. "swear." he teases, you push at his arm with a chuckle.

you like hanging out with izuku, at first because he was fun to mess with and he looked cute when he got all blushy. but he actually is really interesting to talk to and he's funny when he isn't in his own head. he reminded you a little of yourself on your very first day of school. it's something you don't want to remember but he seemed so lost. you're glad you got to sit next to him.

but you do miss sitting next to katsuki.

"it's weird not sitting next to you anymore.." you're done bandaging his hands and start tackling his nose. before katsuki can respond you utter a quick "this'll hurt a bit," and press a cotton wad to his nose. he hisses at the sting and you apologise but he waves you off with a grunt.

katsuki can't stop looking at your little frown and sad little puppy dog eyes. and he can't help but want to tease you.

"yeah ? you miss me ?" your insulted expression is everything and he can't help but snicker, until you press the little wad harder against his nose. "fuck !" he hisses. he grips at your hand, pushing the cotton wad towards your face. he manages to nudge it against your cheek and you shake your head, you squirm around and he manages to land on top of you. you both don't realise, katsuki too focused on trying to get back at you.

he catches you off guard when he manages to grab your wrist, throwing them against your bed. and then you realise how close he is to you when his breath fans across your face.

"what're you mad at me for ? don't get embarrassed 'bout the truth," his laboured breaths is all your ears pick up on. you feel hot where his hands grip yours. they're a little moist, he's always been a bit sweaty around his hands but just maybe it has something to do with how if he were to lean in just a bit more your noses would touch. katsuki forgets he's your bodyguard and does so. you gasp at the contact, both your breathing gets harder.

"you fuckin' miss me," he breathes. you scowl up at him, lips slowly forming into a pout.

fuck, you look cute. and fuck, he wants to kiss you.

katsuki thinks maybe you don't have to smile at him. as long as you're looking at him, even just like this, that's more than okay for him.

"dick," you spit, you continue when you look towards your wall "what if i do ? you're my best friend."

no, he isn't. he's your bodyguard. it's the job he'd been entrusted by your father, it's why he's been agreeing to your every bratty whim for years now, 'cus it's his job and your dad trusts him and he owes the man his life. it's why he lets you take care of him and watch movies with him and sleep on him when you're tired.

but his chest feels warm, and his grip on your wrist tightens.

"you're such a baby," it's mean, but his eyes soften and his lip grazes your forehead. it's not even a kiss, barely a touch of his lips against the crown of your head. but your eyes are soft and he's sure his are too. he lets go of your wrists and presses his forehead to yours "m'still here y'know ? even if it's not next to you every class. don't go writin' me off."

you giggle, and you place your hand against his cheek. katsuki doesn't need to be taken care of and he's your bodyguard but he leans into your warmth lightly. your other hand reaches for the cotton wad that luckily landed next to your head during your little scuffle. you wipe his nose just like that. it's quiet and he doesn't rip his gaze away from yours, his eyes look gooey and melty like caramel. they're soft and warm and firey and so handsome. you finish by pressing a little bandaid to his nose and as thank you for taking care of him katsuki smooshes his nose to yours to make you laugh.

and you smile, in a way he knows the loser in the seat next to you never could make you. not because he's your bodyguard but cus he's your best friend, your katsuki who cuts up apples to look like little bunnies for you and the one that ties your shoe laces before you could even look down and notice they were untied, the one who brought you home. the one who'd been sitting next to you every day and will keep doing so for as long as he lives even if he can't at school.

katsuki remembers you telling him that the four bodyguards before him were no fun. that they didn't speak or play with you, but that he was your favourite. that he could be really nice and when you lean up to jokingly give him a get better kiss right on the tip of his nose, he scrunches it up and you giggle, and katsuki remembers that he's your favourite.

he'd told you he was the best and he intends on staying your favourite, so he stuffs his face in your neck and blows raspberries in it to make you giggle and to make you kick your legs he tickles you. he can admit that most bodyguards wouldn't do that. but he's your best friend, and he can admit you're his too.

WHEEW CHAPTER TEWW !! loved writing this i hope yall enjoy ! this chapter was softer but i promise i'll start getting more active later on !! just wanted to have a sorta soft kindaaa in verse katsu character study kinda chap if that makes sense :> hope yall look forward to more chapters ! (p.s. i was really excited to write this part so please don't think every chap is going to come out this fast lol 🩷💗!!!!)

taglist ! : @bkgpackets @erenstitanweave @flowershop1340 @kovu-bunnbunn @queenpiranhadon

[the-haunted-office]

Doom finds it a bit ironic that Russell says he gets the impression of her that she's had to take care of things for people and be the caretaker, and that he doesn't want to do that to her too, but in a way... he is doing it to her. Making her feel like she has to babysit his feelings and tiptoe around him. Everything seems to upset him and bother him and make him feel like he has to walk on eggshells around others, at least from her perspective. He is constantly shifting himself to adjust to others, as if afraid of how the other person is going to react to every single thing he does and honestly...

...Doom gets it. It's exhausting, it's annoying, but Doom gets it. She used to be like that. She hopes she isn't like that anymore, but she remembers a time in her life when she used to put the burden of her own anxiety on other people without realizing it. And now she sees how tiresome it can be.

She doesn't want to be angry about it, despite how frustrating it can be, because she very much doubts it's stemming from any amount of self-centeredness or selfishness at all. Quite the opposite, actually. If anything, she bets it's from a lifetime of having people turn things around on him, of faulting him for everything, of pulling the rug out from under him, to the point where he might feel like he'd better apologize now, in advance, for every perceived slight, before someone abandons him. That's what happens when you've never had any stable ground to stand on - you'll do anything, say anything, apologize for everything, even the things that aren't your fault, to keep the ground beneath you.

Yeah. She gets it. At least, she thinks she does.

So, rather than expressing any of her frustration, Doom takes a breath and lets it out, pushes it aside. She can let it go, because Russell is her friend, and she cares about him.

"I'm all right, but I'll let you know if it's too much. I doubt it will be, though," she says, not bothering to go into detail and open that can of worms and instead offering a small, reassuring smile. "If I need anything, I'll be sure to let you know. I'm all right, though. Right now, I mean. I mean, listening is just... you know, sometimes really all a person needs. For me, at least."

"But anyway," she says, letting out a sigh and hoping she hasn't said the wrong thing. She's never been very good at saying the right thing, despite trying her best. "About the whole ocean thing. I'm not really sure how it came about for me. I just remember one time being out on this lake with my family on my dad's pontoon boat that he bought with this money he got from almost winning the Powerball lottery - we used to be really poor, see, and so when we got that boat, we'd go out on the lake all the time, fishing and stuff."

"I remember looking down into the water one time and seeing this- this whole tree down there, just under the surface of the water. Like, I could see this whole top of a tree, submerged on the water, it was murky and I couldn't see the entire tree or the bottom of the lake, and for some reason it really freaked me out. After that, I was really afraid of things in deep water, especially if I couldn't see the whole object or what it was all attached to. I think it's called thalassaphobia."

Doom shrugs at the end of her story. "It's stupid, I guess, but I was afraid of that kind of stuff for a long time. Shipwrecks. Seaweed. Kelp forests. Just- any big thing underwater. And then after I died and was a ghost, I just.......... I guess... stopped being afraid," she says, shrugging again.

She looks to Russell, almost casually. "What about you?"

Russell feels his cheeks turning a little bit pink as he sees the look on Doom's face, and he rubs at the back of his own neck again. He couldn't help but get the feeling that he had said or done something wrong and had annoyed Doom in some way.

Perhaps he had, but not in the way that he might have assumed. But then he gives a small nod.

"Th-thank you, Doom," Russell said, "That, that makes sense. I, I guess you, you did, you did ask. But um, if, if I ever do um, have, have a bit, a bit of a vent or, or something, just, just let me know if, it's a bit much."

Russell swallowed, before he hesitantly continued.

"You, you've um, you've given me the, the impression that you've had, had to, to take care of, of things for, for people, or, or be the, the caretaker, and, and I don't want to, to do that to, to you too," Russell added, "You, you deserve a, a break from all, from all that."

He really hoped he hadn't gotten the wrong end of the stick entirely.

"And, and of, of course, you, you can, you can talk to, to me ab-about anything if, if you'd like to as, as well," Russell said, "I, I may, I may not be, be always able to, to help with a, a problem, but, but I can listen. But, but I will keep, keep that in mind."

But then some sympathy crept into Russell's eyes on hearing that. Hopefully Doom hadn't gone through something awful to have became afraid too.

"I, I see. From, from the sounds of it, you, you managed to overcome it, and, and I'm, I'm happy that, that you did," Russell said, smiling then, "Do, do you rem-remember how?"

He was mainly asking out of curiosity. Russell didn't know if he'd be able to apply what Doom did to himself, but he wanted to give Doom a chance to talk about that kind of accomplishment.

[gayofthefae]

The thing about the love confession is that even if it was 100% honest and El took it well, it still doesn’t work. Because Mike thinks people only stay with him when they’re dependent on him and El thinks she’s only loved for her powers, so Mike saving El by telling her she’s a superhero is not the beautiful thing it may seem like it is. Really, it just reinforces the ideas that are the opposite direction of their now established arcs.

Mike needs to know that he is wanted/needed for his heart, as Will put it, not just his caretaking and El needs to know that she is loved even if she is ‘normal’. They both need to know that they will be loved even without being a useful tool to the people around them and this love confession did not communicate that in either direction.

Because to say that El just wanted Mike to say “I love you” would be a massive oversimplification bordering on inaccuracy. She still has no proof that he can say it on command/in non-climactic moments; she still has no proof that he would have been able to say it had she not gotten her powers back. The words weren’t the point. She needed to know not that he loved her at all, but that he loved her in a different way than Papa did. He is nothing like Papa, that is not what I am saying. That being said, he has still not given her that. Papa was actually shown to be more capable of telling her he loved in the line “I care(d) for you; I love(d) you”.

So sure, El can know that Mike loves her. But she can also know that he’s only ever said it when he thought she was gonna die, he always talks about her powers when he compliments her, and he couldn’t say it when she didn’t have her powers. He also said he loved her without her powers, but he was only able to say that while she had them. Cause-and-effect or not, those are “just the facts”.

And on the other hand, Mike doesn’t actually know that El won’t leave him if she doesn’t need him anymore. Actually, he comments on the fact that they’ve barely spoken since the Vecna battle. (and if it was so romantic and beautiful and happy ever after, why would they include the fact that they haven’t talked about it and still might not be in a good place?)

He believes that her love is payment for his help. She believes that his love is conditional to her abilities. The speech was sweet, but the contextualization of it does not dissuade either of them from these beliefs. If anything, it further enforces them.

[softpine]

this one got so long because i can’t stop talking fjkjdsjd but this discussion is so interesting to me and i want to thank you guys for sharing your thoughts 💖

ABSOLUTELY YES lmao

i actually don’t think you’re in the minority, it seems pretty split (or maybe even more in austin’s favor). that’s a fair assessment!! austin has made it very clear since the beginning that he’s not a big talker, he likes to keep his business to himself, and he’s not the same type of friend that elaine is to her own friends. it’s not that he’s a bad friend (matt himself says austin is a good friend) he’s just different. my friends and i, admittedly, love to gossip and we tell each other every little detail of our dating lives, but i know not everyone is like that. i also know there are some things we tell each other that we would never tell to a romantic partner, either because it’s none of their business or because it would cause drama. if i were austin, i honestly don’t know if i would tell elaine ahead of time or not. all i know is: there was no way in hell austin was going to take it upon himself to meddle in someone else’s relationship. frankly, he doesn’t care and he doesn’t feel like it’s his problem. this is the COMPLETE opposite of elaine. if you remember, stevie even says “[elaine’s] favorite hobby is meddling in my life, and the best part is, she thinks she’s being sneaky”. she and stevie’s relationships have been intertwined since the very beginning, by nature of dating another pair of friends, and elaine has gotten so comfortable with knowing everything at all times that she can’t really imagine a scenario where austin knows more than she does. tbh i think some middle ground is needed from both austin and elaine, so i’m hesitant to say that either of them are “wrong”, they’re both just strongly convicted on opposite beliefs.

the message above this one has a similar thought about why austin wouldn’t want to talk about matt’s business, but to add onto that, you’re right that it would’ve hurt matt a LOT. he was venting to his best friend, a person he knows would never turn around and gossip about him, because that’s not who austin is. he would feel really betrayed if he knew austin was sharing his business with anyone else, especially because matt is allowing stevie to tell the story however she wants to. so if she’s telling everyone that she broke up with matt, then austin was the only person he could be honest with. so i completely agree with you on this front! the only thing i disagree with is that austin isn’t actually under any pressure from elaine to build their future life so quickly. he’s the one that was talking about marriage within the first month of them getting together:

and elaine just went with it, because she’s always been a hopeless romantic and she couldn’t believe how lucky she got to be in such a strong, mature relationship in high school. austin has a secure job, a car, and solid plans for the future, unlike most of the boys she knows. he’s also a responsible caretaker, can be incredibly sweet, and is protective over her. for all these reasons, she's ready to follow his lead wherever it may take her. but elaine never asked him for anything, he just offered, because he’s been raised to be a provider. but yeah i 100% agree that friendships are often worth more than romantic ones, especially at such a young age! and elaine would agree too, but she’s too busy being protective over her own best friend to consider how it would affect austin & matt’s friendship right now.

@maturation​ i would say austin is more mature than elaine, but that’s not always a good thing. he’s been given the role of caretaker & provider and he doesn’t really have time to care about anything else, even if he wanted to. he shows his love by doing things for people: buying things, building things, protecting people, physically taking care of people, etc. and that’s great, but elaine needs more than that. she wants austin to be friends with her friends, she wants to get along with austin’s family, she wants him to care about her interests the way she cares about his, she wants him to slow down and appreciate the finer things in life instead of always looking at the bigger picture; essentially she wants austin to be integrated into her life and vice versa, but austin is okay with just keeping his head down and focusing on himself and the people he cares about. neither of them are wrong or more/less mature for this, they’re just different.

but yeah it’s a really tough situation. not to get too personal here, but growing up and even somewhat now, i had pretty bad anger management issues and whenever i would get in an argument with someone, i would try to walk away to cool off before i said something i didn’t mean, but nine times out of ten, the other person would follow me and try to continue the discussion, because it DOES seem pretty rude and jarring to tell someone “i’m not talking about this with you right now”. even though walking away is the mature thing to do, the other person usually thinks you’re actually being immature for not facing your problems or explaining yourself. so i really do feel for austin here – there’s no way to win. and there’s no doubt that elaine shouldn’t have reached out for him again when he was already trying to walk away, BUT... to me, it was unnecessary for him to grab her wrist like that. i’ve done similar things when i was angry (and similar things have been done to me), but i don’t think it’s right for anyone to get physical when tensions are high. it’s something i had to train myself not to do, so i’m not saying it’s easy at all, but it is possible to break yourself out of the habit and learn healthier communication. sorry for that heavy response lmao 😭 i just feel that it would be irresponsible of me to defend either of their actions, no matter the context behind it!

thank you so much!! ;-; this is exactly how i wanted you to feel: uncomfortable jfksjds these are some really complicated situations which change depending on your own viewpoint and experience, which are my favorite things to write. i talked a bit about austin grabbing her arm in the message above this one, but yeah it’s most definitely a red flag. if elaine was my friend and she told me what just happened, i would be wary for sure. (and her friends already dislike austin...) but yeah i completely agree, it’s not anyone’s right to talk about their friends’ business without their permission. elaine is just feeling so confused and can’t see it logically right now :/

no you didn’t miss anything, don’t worry!! the last anon was referring to this message that i answered awhile ago :’) 

i figured the midsommar comment would bring up some discussion because everyone has such different opinions about that movie, and it’s the perfect way to show you where elaine’s mind is at. in MY opinion, i don’t think the boyfriend was a shitty person at all – he stayed with dani because it would’ve been worse to break up with her after her entire family died. but he wasn’t obligated to stay with her just because she was traumatized. like, trauma doesn’t hold a relationship together like glue. the issues they were having before this incident would only continue, compounded by this extra stressor. but that’s just my opinion. it’s more important to look at why ELAINE made that comment. she has a very naive, idealistic view of romance. she doesn’t understand how matt could possibly be in love with stevie yet break up with her. she shows this innocence when she asks if they could change matt’s mind. elaine truly believes that if you love each other, that should be enough to solve any problem that arises. her frontal lobe is most definitely not developed yet either fjksjds

as for his personal life: yeah i think the only thing we learned about his family is that he used to smoke weed with his grandma fjksjds but matt’s parents are still happily married. matt was a (happy) accident when they thought they were done having kids, so he has much older sisters who are all married too. despite matt being a romantic like the rest of his family, he’s still a chill, go with the flow type of person, so he was unsure about how committed he wanted to be to his first real relationship – especially when he started seeing the cracks in it. the fact that he never had any trauma in his own life just makes him more inadequate at dealing with stevie’s :/

i actually agree 100%!! even austin is quick to say that matt wasn’t just playing with stevie, he did love her. which means that even in private, matt is still expressing that he cares about stevie and never wanted to hurt her, so it wasn’t a lie. i can’t say too much more about this because matt himself will talk about some of this stuff, and i think it’ll be more impactful from him 💖

FJSKDJS same 😭

oh my god this is such a huge compliment, thank you thank youuuu 💖 you have no idea how much fun i have with developing these characters; they really are like people in my brain, and i love being able to share them with you guys. if you can relate to them, that’s the greatest achievement 🥺💖

SHE IS MY PROBLEM AND I’M HERS!! that was really playing on repeat in my brain after i wrote it, it’s just so... 😭 elaine and stevie remind me so much of my best friend and i (only in relation to our friendship, not really our personalities) and i could imagine either one of us saying this tbh. i’m so glad you liked it too

lmaooo those emojis made me laugh :’) elaine is definitely not going to make it to dinner tonight, but sadly she won’t be getting takeout with stevie even though that’s an adorable idea 😭 she’s just too hurt and confused about why stevie lied, and she’s feeling like stevie wouldn’t even want her around :(

oopsie.. i wish i had known the livestream was yesterday, i usually don’t post story things on announcement days because they get buried. but this announcement was a let down, so i don’t think it changed much lmaoo