#because I've figured out the reason I don't do fanart is because I worry about inaccuracies

[vaimetanyx]

Oh how wonderful, how terrifying, to be loved to destruction

The full quote can be found here

[sparklecarehospital]

been reflecting on my year a bit, and i was thinking about something. i think i know what the best thing i did for myself this year was.

making cometcare public. making the ask blog.

ive had this AU stirring in my brain since 2019, ever since i got really attached to doomi during the haunted arc. one reason i went so long without revealing pollarrydoomi as a ship to readers was because doom's crush wasn't public information until late 2021.

i had kept his crush a mystery for 3 years, but revealed it after a fun experience where people figured out who it was through guessing. i'm pretty sure i did a poll about it? asking people to guess who they thought it was, and uni won the vote, meaning everyone had already figured it out.

after pollarrydoomi was revealed and i started drawing art for it and people made fanart for it, i still couldn't post any of my AU art because ally wasn't public and she and howie were in the AU. in july 2022, for the comic's birthday, i revealed ally as a character to the readers. others around the time had started to notice characters i had in pfps and i ended up telling everyone i did have pollarrydoomi ship kids, but i didn't make them public.

in november 2022, i revealed eve on toyhouse. after her reveal, i would soon reveal sly as well in december 2022 on my birthday (revealing sly as a birthday present to myself is such a funny gesture now that you guys know how important he is to me). over the next few weeks i revealed cream, frosty, and marco as well. all of the main cometkids except chem.

then one day someone out there suggested that i make an ask blog for the cometcare AU. it was such a spontaneous decision, and i didn't even really know what i was gonna do with it at first. i was just kinda messing around. but when i made the blog i realized that if i wanted this AU to be experienced in complete authenticity, i couldn't make uni cis.

so i revealed uni being trans through the blog, despite the fact i'd gone so many years without ever revealing her identity. why did i do it? there's a lot of reasons. not wanting to make her a "dad" in the AU contributed, but also i felt like it wouldn't be detrimental to the story to confirm a character being trans. it also made me (and the crew in general) a lot more comfortable being able to properly refer to uni with her actual pronouns.

making the ask blog really changed me, because finally i could share this little family and comfort story i'd built in my brain with the world and make it real and make content for it and let people consume it.

but what stopped me most of all?

i've said it many times before... but i felt like it was cringey.

i felt like making an AU with 93985893844 fankids in a ridiculous complicated polycule wasn't something a Serious content creator should do, and i was really worried the reception would be negative or people would think it was stupid or something. i did NOT expect it to become as popular as it is. the blog actually has more followers than the MAIN ASK BLOG for the canon comic. it was received SO POSITIVELY and the fact it was just kind of blows me away.

it means so much to me. being able to share the most special thing in my life with people and for people to actually like it and have fun with me and want to see it, and for me to be able to not have to follow strict professionalism about spoilers and chronological storytelling, and being able to change and add in things whenever i felt like it. it's such a freeing experience.

when i was a kid, i used to make stories and OCs and i didn't take them as seriously as i do the sparklecare reboot. this kind of turned into my entire life and career kinda, so i had to take it more seriously. but making this AU honestly just makes me feel like i'm a kid again, it makes me feel like i can have fun and literally do whatever the fuck i want without worrying what people think or if it's realistic or if it makes any sense.

i know though, that some people don't like pollarrydoomi. and i know why. whether it's because of being attached to barruni (of course, they're the canon ship and main characters, i get it) or just having discomfort with the idea of shipping doom with anyone when canonically he hasn't experienced a redemption arc... i get it. i know not everyone likes it.

and that's okay! people are entitled to having their own feelings about content. i understand it. and i've come to accept that's always going to be the case with anything i do with these characters.

but i'm still going to do this for myself. i do this because it makes me happy to just have fun and not worry about being serious all the time. it feels good, especially when it's with characters that are really really important to me.

cometcare is genuinely the most special and important thing i've ever made for myself, it's such a huge piece of my identity and it makes me who i am. and being able to make this story public and share it with people and share these things that have been in my brain for so long with others means so much to me.

that's why i think it was the best thing i've done this year. it's kind of literally changed my life to be able to talk about them. it's made me happier than i've ever been making content. i'm not just making it to entertain myself alone anymore, i'm making it to entertain others like i do with other stuff. and the fact people actually like it still is unbelievable to me.

so, i guess my outlook for next year as it comes is to continue to stop taking everything so seriously. i can tell my stories however i want to. i hope others can realize they can do this too.

please make whatever you want, whenever you what, as much as you want, even if it doesn't make sense or if it's "cringe". you will be so much happier when you realize as a creator you DON'T have to take all of this so seriously. the comic still exists and people read it even if i'm doing this. You Can Do Whatever You Want And Nobody Can Ever Stop You. the only person who can stop you is yourself when you let your inhibitions get in the way of your ability to create things for yourself.

have fun! life is too short to take everything you do seriously

[factual-fantasy]

@octonauts16 (Post in question) TLDR at the bottom!😅

Yeah, that was Wally <XD I doodled that on the screen while kind'a forgetting all the stuff I've talked about Welcome Home recently. How I don't wanna join the fandom and such..

But to be honest I've been kind'a torn on Welcome home over the past few days. I recently developed 3 big main reasons why I don't want to join the fandom and draw the characters. But those reasons are quickly starting to dissolve-

Reason #1. Now I don't know if I just saw the wrong side of the fandom, but it felt like everywhere I went there was shipping content. Cannon or not, it was everywhere. And of course I'm known for not liking ships or really drawing any lovey dovey content.. I was worried enough about people tagging all of my Welcome Home art as shipping, that I figured I'd save myself the trouble and just.. not post any art of it all together.

But then I thought about it.. I mean, Undertale was a huge shipping fandom too. And I was able to weasel my way around all of that and come out unscathed. Surly the Welcome Home shipping fandom wouldn't be much harder to navigate.. right?

Reason #2. I wasn't really sure.. what to draw exactly. Everyone seems to have their own interpretation for the story of Welcome Home. Wally's the Bad guy, no House is the bad guy and he's controlling Wally, no no Wally and House are both the bad guys together. Their world is real- no actually its all make believe and Wally is the only one who knows its fake- aaaa so many stories!

I felt like it would take a lot of work and research to make my own version/interpretation of the story and the characters. So I just dropped it and didn't want to bother. I'm still so busy...

...But then its like 4 AM and I have ideas for redesigns of every character, a story is being constructed, angsty situations are being plotted, lore is growing- I hardly know much about Welcome Home truly, yet I already have a whole world built that I wanna start drawing-

But! Its reason #3 that's kept me from drawing anything. Clown, the series creator.

Looking around the fandom.. It seems that Clown is like me. They have certain boundaries when it comes to their characters and what they do and do not approve of others drawing about it. I know about the copywrite issues they're dealing with.. people selling merch of their characters and profiting.. its really sad. But there's more to it.

I saw some artwork for Welcome home and went to the comments. Everyone was like "I'm so glad to finally find an artist that respects Clowns boundaries!" And I'm like uh oh- are people drawing things that make Clown uncomfortable? Has Clown been dealing with that? What are those boundaries? Is anything I would like to draw something that would cross said boundaries?

So out of laziness to not dig deeper to find these boundaries, but also wanting to RESPECT said boundaries.. I just cut off any artwork from being made all together.

But my interest in this series is definitely getting stronger. And maybe sometime after these projects are finally off my chest, I'll look into Clown and see if any of my artwork would cross a line..

For now I'm too lazy, and too busy to make any artwork for Welcome Home <XDDD Maybe someday though!

TLDR; The #1 reason why I haven't drawn Welcome Home fanart is because I think Clown has certain boundaries when it comes to fanart. And I don't know what they are, I am also too lazy to look into it. So I just decided to not draw anything at all until further notice <XDD

[crowleyholmes]

Flaming Sword Foreshadowing

Last night I was peacefully editing my video just vibing having a good time when I skipped over a scene that had confused me for a while and it struck me like lightning that it HAS to be foreshadowing because WHY ELSE would they have shot it that way????

And I have to add I'm relatively new to the fandom so I'm sure this has come up many many MANY times but to be fair I've spent the last few weeks basically living in the tags and the meta and I while I've seen the theory once in a piece of fanart, I haven't seen connections to this scene so I figured I might as well share my thoughts in case there are any other new fans like me out there who will appreciate (aka absolutely hate) it!

So one of my absolutely favorite theories is that Crowley used to be Lucifer, yes? I have many reasons why I believe this, maybe I'll make another post all about that, but for now let's just roll with it.

Okay so Aziraphale has a flaming sword. Which (I think, don't quote me on this, I'm not religious and don't know much about it at all, most of what I know comes from art and/or just general knowledge) in the Bible, is used by Michael (who is the supreme Archangel), who stabs Lucifer with it as they throw him from Heaven down to Hell, right?

And at first I wasn't too worried about that because like. Aziraphale isn't Michael. Michael, in Good Omens, neither has a flaming sword nor is the supreme archangel.

BUT NOW. At the end of season 2, who is about to become supreme archangel, taking the position that Michael has in the Bible, and owns the weapon that Michael has in the Bible?? Yeah.

So even upon this realization I was like nahhh idk it's. A fun theory but there's SO many other ways things could happen I'm overthinking this for sure.

But then I noticed this scene again with this theory in mind and WHY DID THEY SHOOT IT LIKE THIS here look I made some gifs to illustrate:

Aziraphale is standing over Crowley, sword raised as if he's going to attack him, and Crowley looks up at him TERRIFIED.

Now, I realize there are explanations for all of this, but let me elaborate on my thoughts one by one.

WHY did they make Aziraphale pick up the sword in the first place? There is NO reason for him to hold it, I mean I GUESS he's afraid of Satan, who is about to pop up for a visit, but - what's Aziraphale going to do about it, right? He's just one small low/ish-ranking angel, and the way Satan is portrayed in this show, I doubt the sword would make much of a dent in him. So, okay, perhaps Aziraphale picked it up simply to have Something, Some kind of weapon ready to feel a Little bit safer, but STILL - why pick it up one second before he turns to Crowley, why not sooner, then? And why raise it AT CROWLEY in the way that he does, when what he says to him has nothing to do with the sword at all? He would NEVER want to actually hurt Crowley. And the way this shot is framed, the way the sword is so prominent and threatening, I just don't think they did this only for comedic value (in juxtaposing the threat of the sword with "I'll never speak to you again"). He also briefly looks at the sword right after "I'll -", almost as if he's actually considering it. (OR as if he's thinking "why the hell am I holding this and why am I holding it like this, Crowley's going to think I'm going to stab him?!" which was what I WAS THINKING.) But, again, Aziraphale would NEVER point a weapon at Crowley or threaten him in any serious way - centuries ago/millenia ago, maybe, but not for a long time now, under no circumstances, not the way they are now.

Another question I have is WHY did they make Crowley fall to his knees? Sure, the earth is shaking, everybody is quite wobbly, but Crowley is so sure-footed usually, I find it hard to believe that he would fall when even Newt manages to stay on his feet (no offense Newt, I love you). But okay, I guess, maybe they wanted to show how desperate Crowley was? Visualize him giving up? I can't really argue with that one, but in combination with Everything Else, it just seems like they put them in these exact positions WAY too intentionally.

I just know that this scene is going to come back to haunt us, it will happen again but with a very different, very serious threat from (a possibly/probably memory-wiped) Aziraphale, an actually FLAMING flaming sword, and an even more desperate and terrified Crowley.

Bonus:

[roxannedaybreakermidnight]

Tackling a few of my most recent experiences wiwth the internet. Don't read if harassment and racism trigger you. I don't mean harm, this is supposed to be a safe space. Comments I deem negative will be deleted so that others feel comfortable just going around and say whatever.

1. Shipping

I completely understand people's worries with Punkflower but guys, instead of worrying about non confirmed ages, can we worry about kicking out actually problematic people off the internet doing stuff to real life minors? Miles was 14 when I was 14. He is now 15 and I am 18, I still love Miles the same way, ans that doesn't compromise my morals.

A person's ship between characters doesn't say about their morals entirely. Of course, sometimes it's undeniably creepy, like characters clearly presented as parental figures being shipped with kids that were supposed to look up at them. That's weird, don't do that. Or, idk, thinking it's a good idea to jerk your dog off. (I saw documentaries, those who do too knkw what I am talking about)

Point is, pls don't harass people who don't mean actual harm. Hobie's uncomfirmed age range shouldn't cause as much hate as it does. I disagree with nsfw from time to time because it is weird, but I mostly see couple-y stuff with a few jokes, and honestly? I absolutely adore it. I encourage you to try it. I used to absolutely hatee on people who ship any characters slightly older with whatever character the topic is. I would literally try to gate keep the whole fanart community cause "She's a minor, STOP!" and honestly it was stupid asf. I'm not telling you to encourage it, just don't be mean about it. It feels stupid. If you don't disagree, and the post isn't causing harm, just don't engage.

2. Shameless racism/harassment

Recently I've faced people both in and out of omegle who seem particularly shameless, feeling safe around their little homes thinking ol' mean me won't mind. I am using this opportunity to expose a particular someone who seems very keen on being weird. I grew up around weird guys, and I often identify them easily, but for some reason I pushed the lil gut feeling away. If you have the same problem, pls listen to that feeling. It's there to avoid situations that might be upsetting.

Starting with Omegle, people seem very comfortable with racism (and search of minors to flash them). I receive jokes indicating they want me to be shot, find me ugly, make faces of disgust, call me a slave, etc etc. Not to mention I even found teenagers joking about beastiality being 'awesome'. Kids rlly need to get supervised, cause I am telling y'all, some were barely 14.

Now, I had an interesting interaction on instagram with a Miles Morales account. He came to me cause I was rping as Peter and invited me in his server on discord. I got the gut feeling from his habit of trying to flirt with Gwen profiles and spamming pictures of him in a suit. For some reason, some people have a pattern of spamming pictures when they want praise and always require attention from specific people, and I know this cause I've been harassed over this before. Days later, I was matching with my bff as an anime couple so I changed and he realized I'm born female. He asked me to be rio instead, without knowing my age, and went ahead and offered 'fun', and that 'I can't tell anyone'. What happened essentially is that I called him out, he said I was disrespecting him, I blocked him, so he made a new account to cuss me out and threaten to report me. I feel indifferent about it, but if you have anyone with similar behavior, save yourself the trouble and block them. (His discord is 'dmoney520' so avoid interacting w him pls)

3. Sexualizing a content creator

I don't mean Dream, or corpse husband, or whoever tf. I am talking about a poor 16(ish) year old called Eddie who makes content for the fact he sounds like Hobie brown, and he has people saying shit like "wanna get pregnant?" The guy just started worrying about whatever the place he lives in worries around this time.

It's honestly creepy how people will actively harass punkflower creators but then barely notice a full ass guy who is still deemed a minor regardless of what American law says getting weirdass comments from people they don't even know. Literally flabbergasted at this discovery. Not mad, just genuinely upset.

These people often forget that websites can track their activity and its hilarious to me, so whatever. This was my report on my feelings after a week of internet, and honestly? I wanna delete it. My punkflower AU happy ending is coming so if that's what you wanted, great!

[roxtron]

So I gotta be honest and get this off my chest, I know I started this account posting ROTTMNT fanart but honestly? I'm probably gonna be a bit cut off from the fandom. Sorry to those who followed me for my art but I'm probably not gonna make/post art for it anymore. I haven't had the motivation to for a long time anyway.

And I can't really lie, it's not entirely from my own issues. Sure, I kinda lost hyperfixation on the show and haven't watched the source material in a while, I'm getting back into old special interests, makes sense I'm not really feeling like it anymore, but it's a bit more than that honestly. The fandom hasn't felt like a very welcoming space if I'm being honest. The large amount of fanfics or fanworks throwing in SA for no reason really throws me off, sure that's because it's a bit of a trigger but it also just feels kinda bad to throw it in there 'just because.' I don't want to be too harsh on fan content as I do think there's some very talented people in this fandom that have created amazing art, and that's not to say fanwork that includes those topics can't be good just because it includes those topics, but for a fandom that's based off a kids show? It feels very odd to include a topic of that nature. But I didn't write all this just to say ''oh there's been some fanfics with topics that threw me off'' because, eh.. While I get every fandom has its issues, and this is definitely a minority of people, the issues with t-cest or sexualizing the turtles definitely make it a bit frustrating to just enjoy the fandom when you're constantly having to filter through content, especially on other social media platforms where you can't just ban those tags, or some people simply don't tag it with those tags. But honestly the thing that made me worried to post about this? As far as interaction goes the fandom hasn't been super welcoming beyond a couple of people, though I am grateful for those people, it can be a bit frustrating. I noticed I was getting more attention on my posts early on, then when I made a post about trans representation.. it went all downhill from there. and it's frustrating. It's annoying seeing and knowing people actively avoid interaction with someone just because they said something mildly political and left leaning. What's more frustrating is trying to figure out how to convey this without sounding like "oh I'm not getting a ton of likes :(" Like. I don't care about that, I truly don't, I've actually been really happy with the feedback I've gotten on one of my KH redraws even though it didn't get many likes at all. It's difficult trying to convey something that feels invisible. Most people might think it's just coincidence, but it really wasn't, it was a sudden shift and I certainly noticed the people that consistently followed my posts and suddenly stopped after the trans representation post. Like I said it's frustrating to make a post about this, because I do want to talk about it, it's very annoying and makes this fandom feel more like a space where people care about having a 'clean' image rather than a genuine community- But I can't help but feel I'm gonna be recieved poorly for it. I'm trying not to care too much about it. if I don't feel like I can be open, what's the point of even posting? I guess this was largely to get this off my chest, but I did also want to give some sort of explanation for why I'm not really engaged in the fandom anymore. I still see/like some posts, but I don't try to actively engage anymore. And this is why :/ That and also I just don't use tumblr a lot anymore but that's because I forget it exists a lot lol. I still wanna post on this account, I like making analysis posts and I wanna make more KH art, I just haven't had the motivation or time to do so. So it's not like I'm like, giving up this account or anything or disassociating from mutuals because of a fandom, just wanted to explain why I'm not really posting much of my own in this fandom anymore.

[jpivblog]

7, 9, & 20? For the weirdly specific artists ask game :3

(weirdly specific artist ask game)

this is a long one because I rambled about filenames for a long time. so it's gettin the readmore treatment.

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate 9. What are your file name conventions 20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate

I think oils are cool, but I've never used them. long dry times so you can work on and blend areas for longer, but then having to wait for it to dry over days... it forces you into doing a specific approach to get things done, which is neat cuz it affects the way things look. however I don't have the space to have wet canvases lying around and my neurotic ass would worry too much about handling generally toxic oil painting materials. and the cleanup... no thanks...

9. What are your file name conventions

i think people who keyboard smash filenames and toss them into a folder live their lives in a completely incomprehensible way. what da hell.

anyway i usually do [topic]_brief-description or something like doodles_[mm-dd-yy] if it's a collection of misc stuff. If I am drawing for a specific fandom consistently it has its own subfolder I shove everything into but I still keep the filename prefix so I can do a windows search later. its not actually that organized or helpful because I don't keep to the system that much... -_-; my tagcen stuff might be labeled TAGCEN_shelterdogrizz.clip or character-specific like basil_lessofabitch.clip. the important part is just to label it enough that I can remember what's in it with the thumbnail/filename combo.

I started putting dates on stuff more both in the filename and in the canvas cuz my window file properties was fucking up and overwriting the "date created" field so I never knew when I started drawing something. I have bad memory so this is the only way I can keep track of time.

I usually clear out my pictures folder every year or so (and then back that archive up in 3 different places)

I started doing [yyyy-mm-dd]_filename more though because I got lazy about archiving and year-first made it easier to sort. I'm sorry for doubting my coworker on this it's actually a better choice

also when I save out duplicate versions or part1/part things I use filename_A, filename_B, filename_C instead of numbering them. holdover from fighting maya all my damn life (it will automatically increment trailing numbers when you duplicate meshes and uh. it causes conflicts. so I always use letters now)

if I'm working on a big file or a long project (rarely) I save out a copy of my file to serve as a checkpoint intermittently. this way if the file I'm working on gets corrupted for whatever reason I only lose some progress instead of all my progress. you want to get used to doing this if you don't want to get used to tragedy and file loss

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

people get so dramatic about drawing mechas and armor. it is not that bad. but I also think it's fun to figure out how to approximate/simplify designs, so that probably has something to do with it.

also i spent a lot of my youth drawing red vs blue fanart so I was forced to come up with halo 2 armor design shorthand one way or another. I'm burying the lede by not bringing that up first LOL

please look at this extremely relevant and comedic post for more information

[olderthannetfic]

I'm in a weird limbo like "have I never had the desire to be in a relatioship or having sex with someone because I'm somewhere on the aroace spectrum, because I've never really had examples of healthy romantic relationships around me and I'm just too much of a romantic towant no-strings-attached sex, or because deep down I know I'm weird and unlovable? were the rare things I identified as crushes I never really wanted to act on for some reason on people I actually knew rather than just safely untouchable celebrities *real* crushes or just some kind of aesthetic attraction?" and I have been there for years tbh. I think I have a libido, because I have kinks and because every once in a while I feel the need to jerk off, but when I see other people talk about masturbation and especially sex as a *urgent* need that presents itself very regularly and can fuck you up if you ignore it, my instinctive response is disbelief, like "you mean that's not just a smut trope??" *Especially* when it comes to sex, because then I'm like "surely you don't need a partner and jerking off is just as good???" Then again, sometimes I think I may not even jerk off right, because I get wet but I'm pretty sure I only had a orgasm once and that's fine with me, really.

Despite all of that, I love romance (books, movies, hell even quote-collages on tumblr), and erotica, and kinky fic and fanart, especially if it's porn with feelings (which to me is really more like... all kinds of heightened feelings, including negative ones) but sometimes I also like "cold prickly" stuff (does anyone use that distinction anymore? Like, warm fuzzy/cold prickly). I can actually get very emotional over it all! I can definitely get aroused from the horny stuff, but usually most I get out of it is aesthetic/sensual/emotional pleasure. Every once in a blue moon I even watch porn, even if I prefer short clips/previews to longer stuff because I find that boring/the attempts at plot and dialogue make cringe. Sometimes I even think "oh, if I ever had the opportunity to try that irl, I think I'd like to take it" about kinks I've read about or watched.

And then, most of the fic I write is smut, romance, or a combination of the two. I love shipping as a thing to do myself and as phenomenon to read up on, and the same goes for kink in shipping. It's all so interesting and fascinating, romance and sex and kink and all the things that go with them in fiction, pro or fannish. My blog is full of stuff like that, so is my AO3, so are my conversations in fannish spaces.

It's just... I don't really fantasize about romance or sex in ways that involve myself. Or people I know. Or people who aren't clearly non-existing fictional characters. The only times when I do are when I consciously make an effort to to try and figure myself out I guess? Like, would I like this thing the way it's portrayed in fiction? Yes, I'm pretty sure I would. Would I enjoyed the more realistic stuff that would probably go with it irl? I'm not sure because the thought of it is already stressing me out but what if I'm just childish/weak-willed/a horrible person who's horrible at interacting with other people like a normal human being? Could I think of a type of person, man or woman or nb, I could try to make an effort for? Not really.

I guess what I'm trying to say is... brains are weird. People are weird. And anonymous or sem-anonymous online spaces are places where you can just, idk, take a bit of weight off it. Not constantly worry if your interests align with your identity (or, uh, I guess attempts at identity in my case) in the right way. Love romantic love and the ways people talk about it a weird amount even if that's not the way you feel about it in your own life, even.

(... leaving aside that having a set of hyperspecific tags for variations on the same subject, if I got what that anon was saying, doesn't really sound like a good way of organizing a blog to me, lol)

--

FWIW, most descriptions of masturbation are very cis man oriented and narrow even considering that. Orgasm is not always the goal of masturbation if you're the kind of person who can hang out all afternoon doing it.

And fantasizing only about fictional characters and/or scenarios not involving oneself is pretty common. It can mean you're asexual, but I don't think it has to. I think it's just widely ignored by sexuality researchers, and only asexuals trying to self describe have elaborated on the subject much. It's a pet peeve of mine that I've sent more than one rude letter to sexuality researchers about over the years.

I think people can organize their blogs how they like, but people going "Unf. I want them so bad!" and meaning it ~aesthetically~ instead of hornily is a pet peeve of mine in the same way that those dumbass people using the "submissive and breedable" meme and claiming it's not a horny thing are. So I'll avoid blogs I notice doing that.

(LOL. As if I'd notice. We all know I only read my activity page and not my dashboard. But still.)

[lyraeon]

what kind of streaming stuff do you do? i followed you back in the day for your fanfiction and i genuinely have no clue what you do now lol

Haha, yeah I kind of vanished off here for about 5 years cuz of real life stuff (jobs! gallbladders! cars! divorces! moving!) and in the mean time became a full time content creator and transcriptionist. Somehow.

I'm still technically mainly Minecraft but I'm definitely feeling that fandom negativity burnout over there so I've been doing a lot of other stuff too. So I do worldbuilding heavy stuff like Horizon: Forbidden West and literal world building stuff like Astroneer and Cities: Skylines mostly, but also puzzle-y stuff like Escape Simulator. I've been doing a playthrough of Inscryption this month. I used to do a lot more shooter-y type stuff but I got sick of Destiny and I can't personally play Overwatch with good conscience anymore :( so I'm in between games there.

So kind of... mixed bag of stuff that is on the "we're here to vibe and chat" end of things as opposed to the "showing off how good I am at games" end of things XD I'm there for the adventure, and maybe some meme strats, not for the biggest win or the fanciest build.

Which, within Minecraft itself, I'm kind of builder-adventurer in my own mind? I love to build unnecessarily accurate recreations of real things - right now I'm making a functioning Subway restaurant - and build on the diagonal far too often.

(Mind you, I'm in the middle of changing my medication so I've been hilariously inactive the last couple months, but that should be ramping back up soon. I've been doing YouTube for the last few years too, but that's on a temporary hiatus for the same reasons.)

In a lot of ways I'm an extremely different person in an extremely different place than I was a few years ago - but it's also because I was still super nebulous about who I was and what I wanted in life. So people who followed me specifically because I wrote fanfiction and were always "meh" at the social/political/mental health posts probably will want to bail, and definitely wouldn't be interested in anything I stream. Whereas people who liked my blog for the rest of it, or who followed out of generally enjoying my writing as writing and wanting to see the thoughts and opinions of the person behind it, will probably enjoy sticking around and also might enjoy my gaming content.

My fanfic days are past me. Not in a "it's something for the youths" or an "I'm embarrassed by them" way, but because I'm now someone who has a fandom and receives fanart and has had fanfic written about their character, which I feel like makes participating very deeply in any fandom a little awkward now. It's just very, "it's not my place", y'know? Plus it's just not something I have the spoons or energy to put into - my creativity has been honed in other directions, and while writing is still one of them, I'm primarily writing worldbuilding and speculative evolution type things right now. My typing speed instead goes into captioning YouTube videos and transcribing old scanned documents on a freelance basis (I don't like being a starving artist lol). And the rest of my creativity is off in all the video editing and Minecraft builds, lol.

(In retrospect, maybe I should just have started a new blog... but I really liked my Dashboard and figured I'd rather pare down the things that no longer suited me from that than try to rebuild from scratch XD)

Thanks for having been around so long, and no worries if this place isn't for you anymore. Times, tastes, and people all change! Take care of yourself <3

[acefaun]

Hello!

I know you've got a bunch on your plate, but I was kind of in need of some comfort. Don't pressure yourself to write this if you don't want to though! Basically my thing is that I've been told many many times that I'm annoying every single time I share something that makes me happy. (Ex: a new hobby I picked up, a new movie I watched, heck! Even a meme that made me laugh!) I'm always told to "chill", "ew, that thing is gross" "wtf are you showing me?", to quiet down my happiness and/or "you're basically feeling it alone". I know that some people don't like the same things as me, so it's a given that they won't be that excited, but idk if it's selfish or not, but I just want someone to just... Because happy that I have things in my life that make me happy. I'm seriously on the verges of closing off from people completely, because I feel like my very existence is a bother. So to close this, cause I've been rumbling. Can I have a comfort fic with Scorpio comforting a female!MC? (His girlfriend if possible). I just want to feel someone being happy about me for once in my life. I'm terribly TERRIBLY sorry for how depressing this request turned out to be and I also wanted to let you know, that I admire you a lot! You make people happy with what you do and that's truly wonderful. And your blog is so comforting too. It's one of the only plebes I feel safe in and that I won't he judged for being happy and/or for the things that make me happy.

Scorpio~ Passion

Synopsis: Ever since you got rid of his mark of sin, Scorpio has been trying to figure out how to act around you and the other gods. But one thing he was certain of… was how protective he was of your smile. 

✨Masterlist✨ Female goldfish!

A/n: I actually think it’s cute when people get so passionately excited over something they love. The thing I like about tumblr is that you can get excited about a hobby and others will just get excited with you. That’s how I started writing SCM fics! I was like “I don’t know if anyone else will like these… but I like them. ☺️” And then it was the same thing with my art… because irl people were so awkward about my fanart like “O… Weird. An anime dude.” But now I have friends to talk about the gods with! You’re here talking to me, so I’d say things worked out just fine! So, you don’t have to worry here! I like you! And I like to make others happy so I’m super glad I’m doing my job! (I’m gaining work experience by granting wishes on Earth now so when I go to the Heavens I’ll be able to work in the Department of Wishes. 😋 I’ll have a pretty good resume for Leo and Karno to go over.) I’m glad my blog is a safe space! 🥰 I never want anyone who comes here to feel like they’re not welcome.  I also couldn’t help myself, but I made this one of those angsty slow burn fics where it’s like “Okay, so are you going to date or not?” Scorpio’s just such a hard-headed god who doesn’t know how to do feelings. 

–Word Count: 5,550–

“Scorpio!” A friendly voice called from beyond the door of the living room. It was sometime just after lunch and this was becoming a regular occurrence in the house of the gods. You were always so easily excitable when you found something interesting. Your passion knew no bounds and, by all means, you had to share it with your new god friends—for some reason, that especially meant Scorpio.

Though… Scorpio didn’t have to stay on Earth and deal with you. You had gotten rid of his mark of sin so he could return to the Heavens. But part of him was glad that he had the excuse of watching over Dui and Ichthys. Not that he wanted to hear your loud mouth every day… He just wished you’d pick better times to show up—such as any time he wasn’t working.

When the door of the living room burst open, you were beaming at Scorpio so brightly that he could have mistaken you for the sun. Only, as you swiftly approached him and no other god present, he put on a face of displeasure as he snapped, “What the hell are you yelling for?” He sounded aggressive, but the last thing he wanted was for those other idiots to think he was getting all soft for you. 

His vicious attitude didn’t faze you—you were used to this from Scorpio at this point. With a smile, you presented a plate to him. “I made a new snack!” 

Gesturing to the cut up apples, his eyes narrowed before shooting up to glare at you. “What the heck are you showing me? You didn’t make anything. These are those stupid apples.”

You hummed, tilting your head. The last time he ate apples, he seemed to really enjoy them. Or was that just because he was feeling ill at the time? But these weren’t the same. You thought he might like them if you made them different. Now they were in cute bunny shapes! “But I cut them differently this time. I was going to make one of those pretty fruit bouquets, but I still need a little more practice with cutting fruits before I can make them into a beautifully yummy arrangement. So, I took the apples that I had and cut them into cute little rabbit apples for you. These came out better than the first batch I made… But don’t worry about that! I ate the ones that lost their ears.”

Stealing the empty seat between him and an unfamiliar white haired god, you held the plate up for Scorpio as if you were some kind of servant desperate to please their master—this wasn’t an unusual occurrence for you. You just wanted to see Scorpio happy—whether it was being happy with you or being happy for you. It was a personal goal you made for yourself since promising to help the man. 

“Excuse me,” an unfamiliar voice called out—but it wasn’t the white-haired man beside you. On the opposite sofa sat a man with a ponytail. You remembered him coming to visit Scorpio a few times before—this was Zyglavis, the man in charge, and Scorpio’s boss. He had the same rank as Leon… and he was staring at you. “We’re in the middle of work.”

“This is fine,” the man with pink hair said, a laugh escaping. “I didn’t imagine coming to Earth would be this interesting. Besides, you’re not just going to send Scorpio’s girlfriend away when she came all this way with a snack, are you?”

“That’s not my girlfriend!” Scorpio snapped suddenly, his accusatory hand-motion knocked the plate out of my hands. The shattering of glass made the room fall deathly silent. 

You pulled your hands back to you awkwardly, unsure of what to do with yourself since Scorpio quite cruelly rejected you. You wanted to believe that he hadn’t meant to nearly hit you and knock the plate out of your hands, but it shook you up. Not to mention, the shattered plate scared you enough. If it hadn’t shattered, then you might have tried to rectify the situation by collecting the fallen apple slices and taking them to wash in the sink. But… that wasn’t going to happen with all of them just staring silently. 

Quietly, you apologized, “I’m sorry… I came in at a wrong time.” 

“Yep,” the white-haired god beside you finally spoke, mercilessly agreeing with you. “You’re in our way.” Well, wasn’t he pretty straight forward…?

“Sorry for the mess,” you added, just about ready to flee in embarrassment. 

“No mess,” Partheno denied you, snapping his fingers to get rid of the shattered plate and fallen fruits. Though, you could only take this as a sign that they didn’t want you in there for any longer than you needed to be, despite how Partheno added, “See? There’s no need for you to apologize. No harm done.”

Your eyes flickered to Scorpio, but he was stoically staring at the ground. Why wasn’t he saying anything? You couldn’t help but apologize once more, “I’m sorry… I’ll… get out of the way.” 

As soon as you were out of the room, the conversation picked up again. Krioff’s eyebrows remained furrowed as he asked, “What were those things? They didn’t look edible; they looked gross. The skin was still on them.”

Scorpio scoffed, averting his gaze from the floor. “Humans eat weird shit all the time. Doesn’t matter. Let’s get back to work.”

Partheno snickered, hiding his smirk behind his hand as he commented to Dui, “Someone’s getting defensive over his girlfriend.”

“You better cut it out,” Dui warned, not wanting to get into trouble because of Partheno and his big mouth. “You’re just going to piss him off. Besides, (Name)’s nice. I think you really freaked her out.”

Scorpio tuned out his subordinates, recalling how distressed you looked as you fled. He hadn't meant to startle you; he especially hadn't meant to knock a good plate of apple slices out of your hands. 

He wouldn't have brushed you off so harshly if those guys from the Heavens wouldn't have been there. Didn't you know how to read a room? Whatever… He'd just deal with it later. He had work to do.

***

Scorpio was quite the dedicated god, you've always known this about him since you first started working with him. Ever since the first time you met, he always considered you strange, but he never… truly got angry with you like how he seemed to get back when you accidentally interrupted them. 

If anything, you hoped this wouldn't put a rift between the two of you. Your relationship was an odd one, but it was one you cherished. 

Shaking your head, you brushed those negative thoughts out of your mind. What you needed to do was find something to get your mind off of Scorpio for now. In the meantime, you figured you should be getting better acquainted with the Wishes gods who were next to need your help…

“...What do you call a lion wearing a fancy hat?” Leon stared, unresponsive to your question. “A dandy lion!” There was an abundance of silence in the living room. Both gods in the room shared unreadable expressions. You pursed your lips, waiting for something, but seeing as neither he nor Huedhaut were saying anything, you tried again, “Get it? Because you’re a lion zodiac and when you dress nice, you look dandy. And then a dandelion is a kind of flower, so…” You gestured for them to understand you. 

Huedhaut sighed before he asked, “Is there a point to this?” 

You hummed, tapping your chin as you looked Huedhaut up and down. He was pretty logical, so his reaction wasn’t unprecedented. But this made you think of a joke that was sure to make him crack a smile. “Gee, are you sure you’re an Aquarius?”

He faltered, suddenly unsure of what his sign had to do with this. “I’m certain of it…”

“Really?” You lifted your eyebrows questioningly. “Because Aquarius is the water-bearer constellation but you don’t laugh at my jokes. You only seem to be a fan of dry humor.” A grin crept up on your face, waiting for them to understand your new joke. “Get it? Because you’re like water… but you… seem to prefer your dry jokes over mine.” 

After an exceedingly awkward moment of silence, Leon bluntly replied, “Your goldfish jokes aren't entertaining. Did you come here for something?” 

You nodded, averting your gaze from theirs. “Well, I figured since Scorpio’s working more with his department now that his mark of sin is erased, that I could break the ice between us. I'll be helping the Department of Wishes next, right?”

Leon grinned, finally, for the first time since you stepped foot into the living room with your lame attempt at making friends, you said something worth his time. “Then you're finally done being that scorpion’s lapdog,” he commented, his head tilting in interest. “You'll erase my sin first so I can return to the Heavens. But we'll begin our work tomorrow.”

“O- Okay!” You weren't expecting him to so readily agree, but clearly he wanted to leave Earth as soon as possible. You were just excited because you'd gotten a taste of what Punishments was like. To have the opportunity to work beside the Wishes minister was something else entirely. “I can't wait to see what the Department of Wishes is like! Am I just going to need to be nearby while you grant Wishes? Wishes must be soooo different from Punishments. Does this department do its work differently from Punishments?”

You had a billion questions you were rattling on to him without giving him a chance to answer. It tempted him to ignore you until you ran out of questions, but he wasn't like Scorpio. He didn't want you prattling to him all day—about work, no less. If you wanted to ask questions about Wishes, Karno was your guy. Leon barely wanted to deal with work as it was. 

Sighing, he finally snapped, “Goldfish!” That made you fall silent rather quickly as your innocent eyes gazed at him for an explanation to his shout. “Granting Wishes isn't that exciting, calm down. The wishes that come to us are just things that goldfish are too pathetic to work for themselves. They have no shame in asking a higher being to solve their problems for them, so wipe that grin off your face.” You were shocked into silence as he turned away from you. “If you even think about rambling to me while I'm working, I'll shove you with Huedhaut or Teorus.”

The corner of Huedhaut’s lips twitched slightly as he uttered, “How thoughtful…”

Based on how Leon had described the Wishes Department, you were a little less enthused about working with them, but it was fine. As it was a new experience; something was bound to work out.

Only… You’d underestimated the Department of Punishments. As soon as Scorpio caught wind of your plans to join his biggest adversary, he was barging into the living room the next morning with a scowl. 

You were waiting patiently on the sofa for Leon to meet with you so you could help him. Unfortunately, Leon and Scorpio shared matching glares as they looked each other up and down. 

You awkwardly glanced away, trying to ignore the tension that was steadily building. But before you could say anything, Scorpio hissed, “The hell? Aren't you supposed to be taking care of Dui and Ichthys?”

You could tell you were going to be in for it if you said the wrong thing, so you honestly explained, “You guys seemed like you had it under control the other day… I felt like I was just in the way.” 

Scoffing, Scorpio turned away from you, gesturing for you to follow him. Catching onto your lost confusion, he muttered, “You're in the way if I say you're in the way. C’mon. I don't have time for these Wishes idiots.” Your heart stuttered in excitement. Did this mean Scorpio wasn't kicking you out of his department? 

As if catching onto your indecision, Leon mocked, “Fickle goldfish. Make up your mind.” 

As soon as you glanced at Leon, you regretted making eye contact with him when he was just glaring at you. Of course he would be aggravated with you when you agreed to work with him only to end up abandoning them yet again for Scorpio. It didn't help that Leon thought of you as Scorpio’s loyal pet—this was just further proving his point.

But… Still, Scorpio didn't hesitate to take you back with him. That was evidence enough for you that he didn't hate you. Something in your relationship was still there and unchanged. You'd just try harder this time to stay on Scorpio’s good side. 

***

A few weeks later…

You were sitting alongside the reflection pool, gazing strictly at the stone floor as Dui continuously snapped his fingers, handing down various types of Punishments to various types of people. 

You weren't sadistic enough to want to really watch the Gods punishing fellow humans, no matter how much these particular humans deserved it. 

Besides, your mind was more on the movie you'd recently watched. You were sure Dui was at least somewhat interested in what you had to say as he quietly listened to your summary of the plot. “So, you see? The main character is amazing. I don't know how anyone could hate them. I think you'd like that kind of movie. You should come over sometime and we can watch it together.”

You were eager to have Ichthys and Dui as friends. Only… Maybe part of Dui resented you for that. Shadow never had much patience for anyone, especially some annoying human. 

Shadow was irritated with you too quickly and spun around to glare at you. “Shut up,” he hissed. “Either leave or shut. up.” His expression told you he was more than willing to shut you up himself if you didn't heed his implied threat. Pleased at your silence, he muttered, “This is why Scorpio’s always handing you off to someone else. No wonder. You're so freaking annoying.”

Scorpio… thought you were annoying? He never said anything outright; he never denied your company. So, what about your quiet relationship? What were all of those soft hand holds and gentle touches? Was he like that in gratitude for you removing his sin? 

…that made sense. Otherwise, why would he show interest in you at all? He did seem to find it hard to express himself; maybe those touches meant nothing more than a simple “thanks”. It was you with your hopeless crush that thought things were more than they seemed. 

Scorpio could read your mind by touching your hand… It was no question that he knew of your feelings for him. But he never rejected you, nor did he openly share his feelings. How were you supposed to know Scorpio was aggravated with you?

Following a quiet apology, you sat beside Dui silently, keeping your saddened thoughts to yourself. It occurred to you that things might be better if you were completely closed off from people. You could always enjoy things that make you happy in solitude. If you did, then others wouldn't become upset with your positive emotions. But that was fine, right? At least then… your existence wouldn't be a bother to anyone else.

 It wasn't like you had to stop doing what you loved. It was only a matter of keeping your passions to yourself. How hard could that be? If it meant you weren't being a bother to Scorpio, then you were willing to do your best. Even if you were mistaken about the quality of your relationship with him, you weren't going to ruin what was there.

So, you developed the habit of keeping the bare minimum of contact with them, only discussing things that pertained to them like work. From what you could tell, there was no point in opening your mouth if you didn't have something important to say. 

***

Aside from his tedious punishments work… Scorpio was getting impatient. It seemed too abrupt that you stopped showing up randomly to the mansion to show him your latest passion—something he woefully grew to look forward to. You were the only one he knew that could get so excited over seemingly nothing. But you were so happy… Something he wasn’t overly familiar with until you showed up. Your feelings were almost contagious—especially when he made contact with you. You could make the most mundane human creation seem like it was the most ingenious thing that man had ever created. 

But why had you stopped showing up to his room at random hours of the day? This all started shortly after the incident with the apples in the living room, so he had every reason to believe that your lack of spirit was his fault. He took your energy away from you with one simple gesture. 

Not to mention… he wondered how harsh his denial was. How much did it hurt you for him to avidly deny that he wasn’t in a relationship with you—it probably sounded as if the concept of you being his girlfriend repulsed him.

He couldn’t stand this feeling that built up in his chest every second you stubbornly stayed away from him. It really almost felt like you were avoiding him—especially his touches. He wondered what could have been going on in that stupid goldfish brain of yours.

Worried, he connected the mansion’s door to your apartment, wasting no time to get to you. Only… he found you doing exactly what you always liked to do. You didn’t seem bothered by anything, so was he just overthinking the situation? You seemed to enjoy whatever was on your phone just as much as you used to in his presence. Then again… you also seemed like you lacked the energy to be doing anything at all. It was as if you were mindlessly scrolling without any thought at all.

He wasn’t good at reading emotions without touching others, but your eyes looked sad. He wondered how he could tell that…

Unfortunately, he lingered silently for too long, startling you once you finally laid eyes on him in the door of your apartment. Your eyes widened as you stuttered, “I- Ah… Scorpio?” You wanted to ask more, not just say his name. But the words were caught up in your throat. You made a vow to yourself that you wouldn’t bother Scorpio with anything unnecessary. He was clearly only here because he needed something, if his expression was anything to go by. 

He stared at you, observing your curled up form on your sofa with your phone in your hand. The bored look had left your face, but you seemed no more comforted to see him. Where was your usual excitement? Though, he thought that not being thrilled to see him was something understandable—he deserved it since he was the one to scare you away. His expressions were understandably scary as he fiercely apologized, “I’m sorry.” The apology didn’t match his face at all… He clearly didn’t know how to do this sort of thing. 

You only seemed to falter, your eyebrows furrowing together in confusion. Scorpio had never apologized before… “Sorry… for what? I- If it has something to do with how Ichthys accidentally knocked me in the head yesterday, I promise I’m fine! You don’t have to apologize for him. I’ll still be able to show up tomorrow.” 

“I don’t want you to show up,” he replied bluntly, making your heart stop for a brief moment. He was a rude god, but this was new. However, the cruel expression didn’t last long as he continued in a softer tone, “Not with that face. Not until you can look at me the same again. I can’t stand seeing that expression. You used to smile and never shut up.” 

You hummed quietly, taking his words with a grain of salt. Was he trying to be considerate or something else? “Sorry… I… don’t really know what to do. I’ve always been like this.” 

“No, you weren’t,” he corrected, now displaying anger at your ignorance. “You were fine before I knocked those things out of your hands. But now… What the hell do you keep making that face for? And you started avoiding everyone. Can’t you just take my apology and get over it? Damn it! I’m trying my frikin best!” 

Your eyes flickered back up to him once more, noting how genuinely upset he looked. Was all this over the rabbit apples? You blinked. “You’re apologizing for knocking the plate of rabbit apples out of my hands?” That happened a while back, you didn’t even have that thought in your mind before he brought it up. That was the last thing you expected him to approach you for. 

Scorpio scoffed, crossing his arms. “That’s what you’re avoiding me for, isn’t it? Are you gonna accept my apology, or what?”

“I… That's not why,” you timidly responded. “I mean, I really wanted you to try them, but… that’s not why I haven’t been seeing you. The other gods have been getting aggravated with me. Dui said you were dumping me on them because you were annoyed with me too. So I thought if I stopped bothering you that you’d be happier. But you’re still upset with me and I don’t know what to do!” Dui said you bothered him with your idle chatter, but it seemed like avoiding him was causing the same problem. What did he even want from you? 

Clear that he was only upsetting you as well, he sighed, looking away. He didn't show up to scold you or anything. He just wanted to know what was keeping you from seeing him. It seemed the solution was much simpler than he had anticipated. “Those brats don’t know what makes me upset. If they had a single clue what got on my nerves, they wouldn’t be so troublesome all the time.” Fixing his eyes on you once more, he added, “But I know there’s more to it than that. You’re being vague. Either let me touch you or tell me how you feel; either way… I want to know what’s on your mind.” 

You stared awkwardly down at the floor. There was a decent amount on your chest, but you weren’t sure where to start or if he even really had the time to be loitering around your little hovel listening to your woes. It didn’t look like he was budging from your home however, and you lightly gestured for him to sit beside you on the sofa. 

Scorpio accepted your silent offer, sitting beside you, almost touching your leg, but not quite close enough. He watched you as you carefully picked out what you wanted to tell him. Whether you told him or touched him, he was going to find out what was bothering you and fix it. 

“I know not everyone likes the same things as me,” you admitted, glancing at him to warily check on his expression now and then. “That’s how life works, everyone likes different stuff. Gods are the same way. But… am I being selfish to want someone to just… be happy that I have things in my life that make me happy?” You couldn’t seem to find that one singular person to be happy for your joys in life, and you so desperately wanted to. You wondered if Scorpio could understand what you were saying. Could he even relate to these feelings? “I… don’t really know how to describe how it feels… But you’d understand it all… even if it was just a feeling. Wouldn’t you?” Turning slightly toward him, you timidly stuck your hand out, wondering if he would accept. 

Your eyes flickered toward him in surprise when his knuckles brushed across your palm, his fingers curling to almost envelop your hand in his larger one. “I know,” he uttered, his eyes staying trained on your connected hands. “Doesn’t everyone have this desire… even slightly?”

Your grip tightened around his hand. He knew. Inhaling, you tried, “I’m happy you like rabbit apples.” He didn’t outright deny them, after all. He loved apples, after all. “I’ll make you more.” You paused, adding, “I’m happy you found a place to exist peacefully in the Heavens. I’m happy you could return home after I got rid of your sin.”

“I’m not,” he abruptly admitted, making you fall silent with a tense stare. Had you upset him again? He was refusing to let go of your hand if he was truly upset with you. “Not having a mark of sin means I don’t need to be on Earth anymore. When you get rid of Ichthys and Dui’s marks then I’ll be in the Heavens again… It’ll be quiet again. I won’t have someone happy for me anymore. I won’t have a loudmouth woman around.” 

Silence filled the space around us as you contemplated his words. Scorpio was always bad at communicating and saying what he meant—especially when such a conversation was about feelings. You couldn’t help but wonder… if this was him lamenting your short time together. If it was all the same, you didn’t want him to leave either. You wanted him to stay with you. You didn’t have someone to be happy for you, but neither did Scorpio. You wanted to be happy for him… You loved him. 

Scorpio physically flinched, but it was too late to back out, you had already decided on what you were going to tell him. “Scorpio, I-” 

“I’m happy with you,” Scorpio interrupted you, making your heart jump to your throat. You weren’t expecting the sudden proclamation, and you weren’t sure what to say in response. Was he really saying what you thought he meant? “You’re so freaking loud, even in that head of yours. It’s not selfish to want a place to belong. You’re weird… You’re always coming to me with the weirdest human things you can find and I don’t freaking understand any of it… but it makes you happy.” He paused. “I’ve never felt that before and I never knew what it was supposed to feel like. But ever since you got rid of my sin I’ve been able to feel everything. I know what being happy is supposed to feel like… and I know what it feels like to be loved.” 

You gaped at him, but the small smile on his face was something that you couldn’t bring yourself to complain about. He knew you loved him through your contact with him, but he wasn’t teasing or tormenting you because you had feelings. But he sounded like he was grateful to experience these things because you got rid of his mark of sin. 

Still, as much as he might have been able to feel your emotions, you weren’t expecting anything in return. So, you replied, “I’m glad I could do that for you. I think everyone deserves to know what it feels like to be loved. In the end… I guess not having you push me away when I was being annoying really captured my heart all on its own. I know you’re a god and you could never return those feelings for an insignificant goldfish like me, but I want you to know that even when you’re back in the Heavens, I’ll always have these feelings.”

He huffed, making you too nervous to bring your gaze to him. However, feeling his opposite hand caressing your hair surprised you. His touch was… soft, just as it had always been. You’d always shared gentle touches and the like, but this time it felt different. 

“I love you,” he admitted, no doubt feeling the way your mind was screaming in excitement at him. A quiet, yet amused, snicker made you try to look at him, but he was quick to keep your head turned from him as he pulled you against his chest, holding you tight. “I like how quirky human things excite you… but I think I like this more. Feeling how happy you get because of me… I always want to feel this. I don’t care if those worthless humans or those other gods don’t understand or accept what makes you happy. The only thing I care about is that you are happy. So, be happy for me, be excited. I don’t want you to close yourself off from me again. I’ll punish anyone who tries to make you feel like shit. Your existence is not a bother and if you ever start to get those ideas in your head again, I’ll have to lock you up in my room and serve me rabbit apples until you realize that your existence is necessary.” 

The beginning of his speech was quite the heartthrob for you, but… the end was kind of making you feel like he was losing his touch. Maybe he wasn’t that great with romance, but he was trying. Still, you couldn’t help but make fun of him, “Are you saying my only use in life is cutting rabbit apples for you?”He flinched, almost pushing out of your arms as he fiercely argued, “That’s not- You stupid woman! That’s not what I was talking about!” Heaving out a sigh, he nuzzled his nose into your hair. “You know exactly what I was saying… Stupid.” Scorpio wavered, his lips barely brushing against your forehead, as if scared of kissing you. “Be as happy as you want, just like you are right now. I want to share this feeling with you, even if it means traveling between Heaven and Earth to do it. So… always be happy for me, and when you can’t, rely on me… because I love you.”

[penwrythesdreams]

Been a while, just dealing with a thing

CW // unreality , discussion of intrusive thoughts

I think I figured something out with my intrusive thoughts around my veritbond Pyrrhus and fandom representations of their source. I don't feel comfortable with mentioning what their source is (from a popular objectshow web show, you know you know).

So, I discussed these intrusive thoughts on my main blog (link 1, link 2, link 3) where my thoughts want to bridge an association of my para, Pyrrhus, with fandom representations of their source. This doesn't happen all the time, but usually when I'm upset. I'm concerned because these fandom representations of the source character are almost everywhere and I honestly don't want to block vast swaths of people who draw that character or block/mute any mention of the character. I really like the character as a comfort character. I know the separation between them and Pyrrhus, but my intrusive thoughts don't reflect that. This makes me feel distressed about all this. Also, as said in my post (link), I am worried about becoming a creep about someone's fanart design of this character. I do not want that. There's a reason why I'm concerned.

So, if I see myself following/blocking people who draw this character as a nuclear option, is there a better way to handle my intrusive thoughts?

I know intrusive thoughts are just thoughts, they are not representative of who I am. Having troubling intrusive thoughts does not make me dangerous. But I want to make things more comfortable for myself so I can continue enjoying my time online in the spaces I participate in. Also, mass-blocking people is a really bad way to deal with it because I will alienate myself from everything. I don't want to do that. Furthermore, there is no guarantee that doing so will help stop my intrusive thoughts about Pyrrhus and its source (especially how widespread this character is).

So instead of constantly avoiding Pyrrhus' source character, here's my game plan for mitigating my intrusive thoughts:

First: stop associating Pyrrhus with their source (they already have a different design from their original source and everything. I did use the source's name as their nickname, but that is no longer an option. I'll find another nickname for them.)

Spend time with my other paras! I've been with Pyrrhus the longest (1 year and a half after my time with them and Crystal), so a brief break is good.

Draw my paras more often, and create ref sheets and detail sheets so I can commit them to memory. Pyrrhus needs an updated design anyway.

Create new source character associations for Pyrrhus. I'll miss their original source, but I think this is for the best. I already got a few characters in mind (heh), so if Pyrrhus changes the design, that's why! I don't have to avoid the source character's show or any artists who draw this character at all.

I'm open to any advice on better handling of my intrusive thoughts, especially if you're an immersive daydreamer with anxiety. Any help is welcomed!

[boop-le-snoot]

what if...

the avengers met the multiversal trespassers & you were the assistant. crack fic. part 2. read part 1 here.

The initial briefing goes about as well as it can.

Clint is absolutely plastered from Dr. Banner's THC cookies and barely can string a sentence together much less offer any insight, the Peter trio abandons everybody in favour of pointing out the differences and similarities between themselves, Sam has to withstand Max's fanboying over him and The Falcon, Tony quietly converses with Dr. Octavius - or Doc Ock, as his Peter called him all the while Banner and Strange try to figure out a way to turn the Lizard back into a human man.

Steve and Bucky, while not giving you a direct reason for your headache, had done nothing but eat everything in sight since they got there. The good Captain doesn't even try to make sense of the situation, his jaw just keeps moving as he reads something on his tablet.

As usual, you get to do the dirty work. The newcomers' faces and other appendages have been plastered all over the social media; Twitter is blowing up, as usual when there is a superhero sighting, but it's not the argumentative 140-character posts you are worried about.

It's Tumblr. The inhabitants of the hellsite had gone absolutely mad over some grainy footage of Dr. Octavius and his four extra appendages: the fact that there's not enough pixels to even have a good look at his face didn't stop them. Within several hours of his initial appearance, fanart had appeared and some of it makes your cheeks heat as you hurry to lower the brightness of your screen.

"We should clear up the internet," Tony says offhandedly in your direction.

"Good luck with that," you scoff. "There's fanart already."

"Damn, they're quick," the engineer mutters, crossing his arms. "This lovely gentleman is from the year 2004 so he's got a lot to catch up on. I hoped we could start with Wikipedia or YouTube, you know," the warning in Tony's words is clear. Do not traumatise the old man.

Old Peter, however, had his own ideas. "Oh yeah, it's absolutely insane these days. I've seen some seriously questionable drawings of me."

Accompanied by baby spider's groan, Old Peter completely ignores Tony's rapidly widening eyes and subtle head movements begging him to shut up.

It seems like all Peters have a talking problem, because Middle Peter doesn't hesitate to add his own five cents: "Oh yeah, I was there for the great Tumblr ship wars. Almost didn't go patrolling one night because a few people were hell-bent on getting rescued by me just so they could accurately describe my... Abs."

"Interesting," Dr. Octavius remarks, a corner of his mouth tilting upwards in what you could only describe as pure mischief.

His face loses several decades of age thanks to that single gesture and you shudder, thinking of people's reaction when the internet Gremlins actually get a good at him in all his smouldering, tentacled glory. One crooked smirk and they're all going to be gone, lost in the desert of thirst for Doc Ock.

Of course, he notices you looking at him, his smirk growing into a toothy, teasing smile in an instant. "Don't worry, darling, I'll try my best to give you no trouble."

Tony's gaping like a fish, eyes darting between the two of you like he'd just witnessed a heinous crime right at the tip of his nose. You'd gotten immune to his antics ages ago, knowing that his flirting was nothing more than a conversational habit, but you had no doubt that Doc Ock's cheeky words are going to put Tony in an existential crisis in approximately twenty minutes.

Tony might have been a genius... Yet, his self-awareness was severely lacking.

You clear your throat, swiping away the tab with the drawings of agile, mechanical tentacles. "What's the plan, guys? I can't keep off the press for very long and the public relations department needs at least two hours to prepare a statement that will hold up to the masses."

Tony fiddles with the drawstrings of his hoodie. "We need to cure Dr. Connors and find two more of the stowaways."

You take note of the Lizard's government name, writing it down in your notes. "There's two more? Why aren't you out looking?"

Tony sighs and you feel dread slowly creep up your spine.

"One of them is man made of sand. Don't ask me, I've no clue how that works," the engineer raises his hands before you can even get a word in. "The other one is an incredibly intelligent, violent psychopath."

You carefully consider your options, weighing in the innate instinct to rip out your hair and scream against the logical solution to the current predicament. You're incredibly good at your job, so common sense wins. Nearly effortlessly.

"I'll get the PR guys," you sigh, before turning to the newcomers. "If you need anything - and I mean anything, clothes, a phone, food - just ask FRIDAY and she will relay it to me. I'll do my best to deliver quickly."

"Friday?" You hear Dr. Octavius ask, and Tony is immediately sidetracked, preoccupied with talking all about his cool AI, jealousy over his assistant long forgotten. To give credit where it due, Doc Ock himself looks like all his Christmases just came to be.

In about an hour, you finally get your hands on some food, after sending a small army of interns to get the multiversal trespassers their necessities. The PR department is already mid-way through cooking up a half decent cover-up and the crazy Lizard-man is not causing you any more grief, safely locked away in Bruce's hulk-out room. Your chest finally feels relaxed enough to fit in the appropriate amount of oxygen in it.

Suddenly, an explosion shakes the floor under you. You jump up, in alarm, your fried noodles flying all over your desk, and look at the city below, searching for the source of the small but strong earthquake.

"Ma'am, Sir kindly requests you not be alarmed. The explosion was due to an equipment malfunction." FRIDAY'S voice sounds almost apologetic.

"Is Dr. Octavius with him?" You rub your temple, knowing where this is going and refusing to accept it anyway.

"Yes, ma'am," FRIDAY's tone changes to near glee. "They just refurbished codes to Dr. Octavius' AI and now are attempting to make the actuators fully retractable. They have both agreed that their current state is unsatisfactory, considering the opportunities this universe provides."

Shaking off several soggy noodles off your shirt, you put a spring to your step as you huff and march towards Tony's private lab. "I'll show you two something unsatisfactory..."

[shsl-box-worshipper]

Secret Santa is BACK

*coughcough* My apologies for being such a disaster with my messages.

It is absolutely ok that you prefer not to give me any topic! That's room for imagination 👍

And OH. I am a lover of angst and fluff too. I love reading things that torn my insides apart lol. So don't worry, nobody's scared here (maybe just my elves, I've got them working 24/7 at this point) 😝

I already have something half cooked for you! Dreamy colors and all. Sounds good?

I'm curious however, what do you like about ShinRan's relationship? 🧐

Hi! Don't worry about being a disaster when it comes to the messaging. I perfectly understand where your coming from (especially since my midterms are like only a couple weeks after Christmas Break). AND FUCK YEAH!!! I honestly love both so much, even though I mainly write Angsty fics. I especially love it when Angst and Fluff is used in the same fic like for example, in one paragraph, some dude's hanging with his friends after recovering from an attempted murder. Next thing you know, WHAM! He's turned into some horror and his friends don't even know as they panic (totally not referencing the planning for one of my fics there. NOPE!)

And awwww, I wanted to be horrifying for just a little while, but oh well (Can I steal your elves FYI? I need to eat SOMETHING in order to get all of the energy for my fics)

And fuck yeah! I honestly don't mind dreamy and trippy colors and the like (also you're implying that you're making fanart which is making me very happy rn). I just REALLY love art in general (and Shinran, which is making foam at the mouth rn because I love the ship way too much).

Speaking of Shinran, you wanna hear my opinions about it?

Well, for one, I really like how Ran and Shinichi are set up. Even though Gosho stuck with the Childhood Friends Trope when writing their romance, I honestly love the trope when it's well-executed. And it's done pretty decently here. Outside of the heavy graphic mutual pining, you honestly get a sense of how well they jive at being best friends. Which is honestly the step I wish some ships took to make their ships more realistic because it's so crucial for the characters to understand how well they could survive around each other NORMALLY as just friends. Because there are some ships that jump straight into shipping the characters straight from a really complex hateful, but completely canon and realistic rivalry/enemy-ship to an ooc or completely toxic romance (*LOOKS DIRECTLY AT KOMAHINA CUZ THAT'S THE EXACT REASON WHY I HATE THAT SHIP!*)

And once things start rolling the ball with the whole APTX shrinking, Ran gets really worried about Shinichi. So much so that she starts trying to figure out what happened to him, only to end in a suspicion arc that ends with Conan concealing his identity once again. Which I honestly love. Cuz usually these arcs are so angsty and painful at the same time, because you can see the pain Shinichi's Cone-ification has inflicted on both sides of the relationship, but at the same time, you know Conan can't reveal himself.

However, once the antidote comes into play, things start finally rolling for the relationship, and it's honestly one of my favorite parts about Shinran. Sure, IRL, it takes like a couple years before they move to the next milestone, but in Canon, it's only been a few months. Which is really fast considering how slow relationships develop normally, ESPECIALLY IN JAPAN! However, it isn't going so fast that it's completely out of the realm of possibility. Plus, the urgency fits with how Shinichi can be only around so much before he turns back into Conan, and the fact that Ran is completely clueless when it comes to his black org fight (I honestly have the theory that at this point, Ran's been thoroughly convinced Shinichi's Conan, and is just waiting for him to tell her WTF HAPPENED THAT NIGHT?!).

And that's not even counting the non-canonical headcanons and theories I have on Shinran's relationship. Both have really crappy parents and they generally gravitate towards each other due to how much they helped one another during their initial parental torments. AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON MY MENTAL HEALTH HEADCANONS!!! Cuz this ask will probably be three times as long with them. Anyway, I hope you like my Shinran two cents. It's crappy, I know, but there's so much about the ship I like that it's hard for me to put it all in an ask-answer.

[aros001]

Going in blind: Watching season 2 for the first time. Random thoughts.

Huh. Only 7 episodes. Not complaining necessarily. For series with an ongoing plot I've definitely become more in favor with their seasons only having as many episodes as they need rather than them having to stretch themselves out to full up a certain number of episodes, which can lead to padding and just bad character moments.

Episode 1: Jeez. Catra visiting Shadow Weaver's cell just to rub her success in her face and verbally abuse her back for once. It's like a twisted version of Zuko and Ozai from ATLA. Catra's upbringing under her was abusive but this is far from a healthy way for her to deal with it. She's basically deliberately swimming in her resentment.

Episode 2: It's not that I'm rooting for her but by-golly was it fun to watch Catra act like just the absolute worst she could while she was Glimmer and Bow's captive.

I touched on this in season 1 but part of the drama of the heroes feeling guilt over leaving Entrapta behind is kind of lost on me a bit simply because it was her own fault it happened. She deliberately went back into the purge room because of her machine obsession, which then closed on her and erupted in flames. It was more than reasonable to assume she was dead and no one but her was to blame, so I'm not really able to be invested in their guilt over it.

That said, weirdly enough I do like that her "abandonment" doesn't seem to be even a blip on the radar for Entrapta herself. She hasn't joined the horde because she resents the heroes or felt left behind, she simply is so obsessed with machines and experimentation that she'll be on the side of whoever lets her do the most of that. Like, it's selfish and irresponsible but it's very in-character and I'd far rather have a traitor motivation be based in that over something stupid like a misunderstanding.

Episode 3: I love the mental image of Shadow Weaver thinking up princess-themed ghost stories to tell Adora as a child.

So, if the previous She-Ra Mara separated Eternia from the other realms/planets/whatever she did and that's what cut off the She-Ra line for 1000 years, I'm guessing Hordak may be from the time before that happened, thus his drive to create portals and calling Eternia a backwards world. Either he's naturally long-lived or his technology is extending his life.

Episode 4: You know, you could maybe argue it was vague enough that it could be taken other ways but I'm definitely getting some vibes here that Scorpia is crushing on Catra. She literally refers to the two of them as soulmates at one point. I know she says she's trying to be friends but this feels a level beyond that.

Fun little reference to the original She-Ra cartoon thrown in there (and maybe Cowboy Bebop...? James Bond...? What was Glimmer's art style supposed to be?). I like how it is more like just playful ribbing than anything outright dumping on the original. Again, I've never seen original She-Ra but whenever remakes/adaptations go out of their way to trash to the original I always kind of wonder why they bothered doing an adaptation if the original is just that bad? Also, I was having trouble sleeping so it was about 2am when I watched this episode and the very Eartha Kitt Catwoman Catra made it very difficult for me not to lose my **** and stay quiet. With how much of a contrast that version is from the one in this series, that was hilarious. Bonus note, it's a nice touch that Frosta's version of Catra is a pretty crasher in that sweet suit, since that's the only impression of Catra she's ever had.

Adora being a chosen one is definitely elevated up simply by how much the pressure of what she's supposed to be is getting to her. I'm likely going to keep making Avatar The Last Airbender comparisons throughout the series but that's partly because I went into this series figuring it'd be at least structured similar to ATLA (season 1 being more episodic and a little more kid-friendly as it builds up the world before getting more serious later). Adora and Aang are interesting to compare here. Aang's worries early on were less apparent because he was more in-denial/choosing not to think about his problems that much, which fit with his character as a free-spirited Air Nomad. While Adora is much more military-minded. She can't keep herself from thinking about her problems and trying to prepare for the worst-case scenario. And jeez, that idea of who/how Catra is in her mind. Not only beating her but making her watch as she takes everything she cares about away. Not Shadow Weaver, not Lord Hordak, but Catra. That whole Lion King Mufasa/Scar moment between them in episode 11 and their fight in the S1 finale really did a number on her mental image of her old friend. Not reasonably so.

Minor note: I'm sure I'm the only one who got this impression but by the look of it, the way the robot's eye moved, and the music, after getting the soda spilled on it that little spybot gained sentience for half a second and then immediately died. It was so darkly comedic I had to laugh.

Episode 5: So that red disc is basically She-Ra's Red Kryptonite, having an effect on the mind rather than the body. The drunk Adora joke doesn't really do it for me but it did get some nice interactions going between Scorpia and Sea Hawk, two characters I certainly wasn't expecting to bond. I did really like Catra's panic when berserker She-Ra nearly beheads her. The implication is that is Adora really wanted to kill her Catra would already probably be dead. It's a thing I like about powerhouse characters like Superman or Aang, who could just demolish everything around them and don't simply because they're a good person...which in turn makes them the scariest person on the planet when they're well and truly ticked off. I'm not going to lie, I do kind of want to see a She-Ra version of Aang when Appa was stolen or when Superman fought The Elite.

Also, Catra's line of "I have control over Adora. I'm not giving that up for anything.". There's a lot to read into there.

Episode 6: I guess my prediction was sort of right. Shadow Weaver became basically a magic parasite and while it did increase the power she's capable of the implication seems to be that she needs a constant fix of magic to keep herself going, thus her attachment to the Black Garnet.

Have we seen Micah before? Given how long ago the flashback seems set, the fact that Shadow Weaver didn't kill him and thus he probably becomes someone important later in life, I'm guessing he's Glimmer's dad and the queen's late husband, since I think he's the only important male character whose face we haven't seen yet. Also, he's voice by Ezra from Star Wars Rebels and that cracks me up for some reason. It's the exact same voice and a relatively similar character.

I compared Catra and Shadow Weaver with a kind of twisted version of Zuko and Ozai and that definitely still fits here. Both Catra and Zuko confront their parent and call them out for the inexcusable abuse they put them through but while that moment was the start of Zuko's upwards journey this and SW's betrayal seems like it's going to cause Catra to spiral even further. Makes sense why Adora leaving affected her so much. She's probably the only one Catra's ever had that she could consistently trust and rely on, even if she did somewhat resent her.

Not surprised Hordak is getting along with Entrapta. She's not socially aware enough to be scared or intimidated by him, so she'll speak frankly, and since all she wants to talk about is the machines, experiments, and how they could get them to work Hordak probably doesn't take much issue with that. She's producing results, which is what he cares about, thus also why Shadow Weaver and Catra started losing favor with him. I wonder if Catra is going through imposter syndrome? Shadow Weaver had that line that Entrapta earned her place next to Hordak and, if you think about it, Catra hasn't really "earned" anything. We saw that she didn't really take her training or studies that seriously, showing up late to combat practice and even getting partial credit for what Adora beat. She wasn't promoted to Force Captain because of her own abilities but because Adora had defected when she was supposed to get that title. She's come close to a few victories but never really had any except for Glimmer and Bow's kidnapping...whom she then basically let escape when she returned Adora's sword to her. She doesn't have the slightest clue how the horde's bureaucracy works when trying to get things done, like simply getting troops armor. Given how much better than her Adora always was and how little she herself has to her name, I wonder is subconsciously Catra believes she doesn't deserve her current position and thus why she's fretting so much over trying to prove herself.

Episode 7: Am I mistaken or did Bow's parents say that he's the youngest of TWELVE siblings? I was going to ask whether Bow was adopted or if his dad's used a surrogate or if maybe there's even just simply magic in She-Ra's world that allows two people of the same sex to have a child together but now I'm just focused on the 12 kids thing. I get nervous just imagining myself having more than one. You should see me when I'm with two cats. I have to pet both of them because I'd feel like I'd be making one feel left out and like the other is the favorite. I'm a mess with kids.

The dad with dreadlocks (Lance?), his design looked familiar to me and I finally realized it reminded me a of a fanart design for a human Grim from The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. Very different voices between those two characters though.

I wonder if there's any significance to the robot protecting the crystal having the same design as those in the artic in episode 5? Obviously both have the connection to the First Ones but the robot in the forest who was also protecting First Ones' tech had a more insect-like design over these more worm/Graboid ones.

I'm kind of curious what Hordak would have done if Catra had told the truth. Given his interactions with her and Shadow Weaver he doesn't seem like the time to tolerate failure but I suppose the implication here is that he at least would respect those who own up to their failures. Or I suppose more simply he was just testing to see if she would lie to him and since she did there's little merit in keeping her in a position of authority anymore where she could lie about important things again.

Season 2 verdict: Still enjoying it. Another person on this reddit recommended I view seasons 2 and 3 as one since they are basically just one season split in two. I was going to do that but this ended up longer than I thought I would, so I'll just do 2 and 3 separate to keep them semi-organized and easier to read.

I think overall Catra is my favorite character since she has the most interesting backstory, interactions, and just general path through the story out of everyone. She's like Pearl from Steven Universe or, well, Zuko. There's just so much baggage there that she's trying and kind of failing to deal with. I'm always invested in whatever's happening when she's onscreen. Hordak so far is a good big boss villain for Adora to face but Catra is a good archenemy for her.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/PrincessesOfPower/comments/o027y3/going_in_blind_watching_season_2_for_the_first/

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

Winter Rain

I'd like to thank @xerxezra for the encouragement. I really needed it, and to the Enya song in which the title and fic is based on. I'm still working on the fic to go with a fanart of mine, but until then feel free to check out my other fics which can be found on my Fanfic Masterpost or Ao3 links which are in my description under my header.

In this fic the reader deals with a change in plans.

_______________

City streets were passing by, underneath stormy skies. No, there were no neon signs but there were cargo trains rolling by on the tracks parallel to the main road. Hmm, wasn't that an Enya song? Perhaps it was.

Funny that you were thinking of new age songs when none were playing on the radio, though you wouldn't have minded if any music was on; it would've made a difference. Enya's songs in themselves reminded you of that one teacher in elementary school who wore that cherry brooch you liked and drowned herself in a bottle of perfume. Your teacher, whatever her name, was halfway pleasant, but always wore a blouse which was a size too big and thus you always saw more of her then you cared to whenever she leaned over a desk to assist another student. Another Enya song, Only Time, reminded you of that one book you tried to read around that time with the questionable cover. Of course, neither of these things had anything to do with the drive home, but it was a passing nostalgia you couldn't pass up.

Wiry, naked trees were scattered along the way; none of them of much consequence except to the fragments of your imagination, where they were dancers in a wintery, mournful ballet. For his part, Rick was unaware of these random thoughts, for you had not mentioned them, but you did wonder about something else when you took a glance at the time and found you two were getting home a little faster than usual. “Rick, do you prefer driving? Or is flying in your spaceship easier?”

“I-I think each one is great in its own way,” he answered, keeping his eyes on the road. “but th-the fastest way to travel is by using my portal gun.”

“So it is. Hmm, makes me wonder what the Flash would have to say about that.” you commented as rain pitter-pattered against the passenger side window. “I bet he'd have a few things to say if you can catch him.”

“Gee, I don't know. I'll ugh - I'll have to ask him the next time I'm in his Earth dimension.”

Sometimes you didn't know if he was being serious or simply joking, though you tended to believe him, especially since it only added to your natural wonder. Your curiosity was a quality which tickled him immensely, but whether he could withstand it while driving was not something you were about to test. Outside, straight ahead, the roads looked all the same, although, to the discerning eye, one would notice the cracks here and there, and the splattered paint on the curb closest to city hall and the fire station. And while the roads were neither empty or full, you would say they were in want of life and perhaps a good shoveling, but with whatever technology hidden in the nooks and crannies of his station wagon, you two drove on the icy roads with ease. It was cold outside, but you weren't cold; Rick made sure of that by giving you the heated seat and a quilt to drape over yourself.

You were, however slightly bored because Zeta-7 hadn't been talking all that much this evening. He had been in a mood and you thought it could've had something to do with the phone call he received while you two were at the craft shop but he didn't say. It hadn't made him any less sweet, but he seemed distant in a familiar way that you were sure you had experienced some time ago. Perhaps he was fearful, he would have reason; contemplative as always; afraid, to an almost unhealthy degree, but risking a chance to placate him, you joked. “Are you trying something new? Is it a seduction tactic, cause I'm certainly intrigued.”

“Wh-what?” he blushed, as he turned the corner to head towards your street.

“Aren't you trying the broodish thing all cool guys do in those cheap romance novels? You know, the kind they sell at the drugstore?” you giggled, turning up the heat in the car to fit your preference.

“Gosh, n-n-no. I ugh - I-I don't think I'm cool enough t-t-to do that.”

“Really? Well, I think if you wanted to you could, though I doubt you'd try it unless convinced it would work. Not sure how effective it would be on me, but this isn't about me. What's going on with you,” you questioned with a serious, but gentle candor. “you haven't said much tonight.”

“I ugh - I have a few things on my mind is all, but it's going t-to be okay. I'm sorry if I alarmed you.”

“Not too much, I just wanted to make sure you were alright. Are you?”

Stopping in front of your home, he admitted with a sudden disheartenment. “I don't know. Sometimes it's - it's hard to know especially if you hear bad news but I th-think I will be. Eventually.”

One of his watches was flashing, and it made you wonder if it meant what you thought it meant. While you couldn't read the line of code which passed over its digital face, you thought you'd seen a similar line of code before. “Are you going to have to go? Is that what's bothering you? I know you promised that we'd paint together tonight, but you won't be able to will you?”

“No, I'm - I'm sorry. I had asked for the whole week off, but this - it's from my supervisor. I can't ignore it. I have to go in. I-I really wish I didn't have to.”

“Oh Rick, if you had to go, why didn't you tell me earlier? I would've understood.”

“You were having such a-a great time picking out supplies that I didn't - I couldn't bring myself to crush your excitement. Now th-that I think about it, I don't know if this was any better, but I-I asked that I'd be able to bring you home first so that I wouldn't have to worry about leaving you there without a-a word.”

Zeta-7 hated to break his promises, and you hated the feeling of a broken promise, but as he switched the car off, and you two walked towards your porch, you admitted. “I would've figured it out and got home somehow. I mean there's enough Uber drivers in this town, and one of them would've driven me home, but I'm glad that at least I had this time with you. Please be careful and visit me whenever. You know you can.”

Instead of comforting him as your easy resignation usually would, he balled his fists and hit them against the railing; hateful of his own inadequacies. You had to admit that when he got upset, it caught you off guard, but it also reminded you that he still was very much a Rick, albeit a softer one. “Th-this wasn't supposed to happen. I-I don't understand why it always comes to this. We were - I had so many things planned out for us and th-”

You hugged him from behind, interrupting what he was going to say. “There will always be next time. Calm down,” you cooed, “it's all going to be okay. It's not the end of the world and I'm not upset by it.”

“But I don't - I don't want t-to keep doing this to you. I promised.”

“I know, but it's not like you do this on purpose. You see, this is what happens when a girl like me dates a guy like you. Expect the unexpected, and maybe a few space worms every once in a while if I eat a sandwich from a gas station on a comet somewhere. These things happen.”

“I wish it - it didn't. Lately,” he confessed, his voice taking on its softer quality. “I've been thinking a-about when I'd like to retire. Maybe I finally should.”

“Whatever you want to do, I'm okay with it. As long as it makes you happy, but only if you do it without regret. You would know best of course.”

“I-I certainly hope so.”

You two stood there in silence for a moment, but you heard a beeping noise emanate from under his sleeve. “I d-don't want to say goodbye, but I'll miss you m-mi corazón.”

When he wasn't around, your home felt emptier,

though you refrained from saying so, and because you didn't want to add to his guilt you simply said. “I'll miss you too.”

“Th-there's a chance I won't see you in a few days. At least it will feel th-that way for me.”

“You can always call me, and if you can't then I'll see you when I see you. You know where I'll be.”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “somewhere I-I'm not.”

“Don't say that. You're always on my mind, and I'd like to think you're always with me, in one way or another. There's no way I couldn't think of you.”

He turned around to face you, his eyes appearing twice as expressive through his glasses. Zeta-7 studied you and brushed his thumb across the back of your hand. “Siempre estás c-conmigo, and because of - of that, I'm never truly l-lonely.”

“Oh Rick, I love you.”

As easily as it was to adore him with your entire being, so it was to break his heart. Whether it had been a lack of love or an abundance of heartache in his life thus far which shook him to his bones, a replenishing of spirit was always in order. You weren't tall, you never had been, but stepping on the tips of your toes, you pressed a kiss on his cheek that never failed to floor him, and marvel as though it were from a fairy queen; one comprised of stardust and moonbeams. “This means you belong to me. Got it cutie? No one else has dibs except for me, so don't look so surprised. You're mine.”

Like a tease, the weather picked up and the strong gust which followed made you shiver, which alarmed him and prevented his reply. You were trying to tough it out because he could be gone at any moment. And must've sensed this, for against your control you shivered once more, but he pulled off his own scarf to wrap around your neck. “It's going t-t-to get colder,” he said protectively. “so please don't forget to wrap yourself up tonight. I um - I placed a-a few thick blankets in your closet just in case. Why d-don't you go inside?”

“Because I can bear it for a little bit longer. Thank you,” you smiled sweetly up at him, despite losing feeling in your cheeks. “but I doubt I'll try to leave my house for the next few days. I'll look after this for you. Hopefully, it's going to be warmer where you're going.”

“I-I can't say, it's…”

“Classified information.” you finished.

“Gosh, I-I-I guess you know th-the drill by now. Smart girl.”

“Maybe. I don't know much, but I know you, and that you can't tell me certain things because you don't want whichever information to be held against me. At least I'm learning. Either way,” you softened, buttoning the top button on his jacket. “please be careful.”

“I-I will. Can I um - can I-I give you a kiss?”

“Do you even have to ask?”

Though of course, he would ask as though your disappointment would disqualify his validity to partake of your affection. He bent down to try to kiss you goodbye, his glasses fogging up at the closeness between you two, but a portal opened right behind him and the guard Rick's on the other side pulled him through. And like that, he was gone again; without a choice; without a goodbye. Your arms which had been around his waist a moment ago, you brought down to rest at your sides, and you too clenched your fists in quick frustration but found yourself halfway exhausted by the cold temperatures and suddenness of it all.

His scarf felt warm and soft about your neck and smelled like him; of vanilla, and of whatever his house smelled like. You thought of the painting that you two would not do tonight, and how you were once again alone. That seemed to magnify it all, intensify the fact that you might've always been alone and destined to remain as such. It used to make you cry when you realized that he could be taken from you at any moment, but you had gotten used to it, or at least you thought you did. Only a few hours ago, you two were at a café, discussing painting techniques and how with a little practice you too could paint that little tree you liked that was growing in the corner of your yard; his enthusiasm was contagious, and you were pumped because you really wanted to show him you had been practicing.

If once again someone cried, then it was you because he couldn't cry where he was going; he wouldn't dare to and repress it for as long as he could help it; if only you were as strong.

Oh, winter rain, how could it relate? It knew little except its natural way; of falling upon the earth; of life; of beginnings; of letting go; of uncertainty. Yet, it wasn't the rains fault; it does not know and could not know; if only. It was cold, and you were cold, with the only part of you that was really warm being where his scarf was.

Thinking of what lied in store for him made you want him back all the more so that you could hold him, and make him feel safe. You wanted him back now because it seemed so unfair that they'd take him when he didn't want to go, but you couldn't bring him back; not even for his sake; being against your power just like the rain. For now, all you could do was only open the front door to your home and step in as the last train passed by; not knowing when the next will come.

Fin

[eighthchiharu]

BroDave Week, Day 1: Mythology

AN: I am hella late, and this is incomplete, but here we are. Using a prompt from the Stridercest Discord Server.

Dirk called first.

Dave could've ignored it, and was tempted. Not because he was busy, but because he wasn't. He was enjoying a rare moment to himself, stretched out on the clean white sheets of his bed, listening to his own music and counting the wavy lines and whorls of red and green on the ceiling of his bedroom. It was like living in a perpetual Christmas, but he'd gotten used to it. Now, it wasn't a weird color scheme, it was his space. It made him feel peaceful and calm, and there hadn't been a lot of any of that in the three months of settling into their new jobs.

'King', it turned out, was kind of a big deal.

But it wouldn't be fair to ignore Dirk, not when Dirk had answered Dave's calls at all hours of the night. So Dave rolled over and scooped up his phone, tugging one earbud out.

"Sup homeslice?"

"Hey, man," Dirk said. "You at your place?"

"Yep. Kickin' back, listening to some pretty sweet tunes. Not making any monumental, kingly, world-altering decisions, though that'll probably change in the next half hour, seeing as Karkat and Jade use me as a tie-breaker every time one of them gets it into their heads to do so much as change the curtains around here. D'you know how many times we've changed curtains? Twelve. Twelve times. It's like watching Martha Stewart self-destruct in a cocaine, Monster-fueled binge."

Dirk snorted. "I'll trust that you're the Martha Stewart expert around here. But I wasn't calling about her. I was calling to, y'know, kinda... Kinda give you a heads-up."

Dave raised eyebrows at the whorly ceiling. "What, you comin' over?"

"I can if you want, but that's not it. It's about Friday."

"What's Friday?"

"You know, that festival they're having? The one with the banners in the street? The orange and red flags, that logo with the sword and the shield, I know you've seen this shit."

"I wasn't gonna embarrass you by calling attention to this obviously gay party they intend to throw for the coolest members of the Earth-C pantheon," Dave said, grinning. "I'm not into RPF, but hey, if they wanna ship us, I won't tell 'em no. They've been doing it for a thousand years or something already, right? Might as well let 'em keep on with it. I'm no party pooper. Freedom of religion and all that, people deserve to worship what they please, and I'm giving my official stamp of approval. People of Earth-C, please imagine my clone brother and I having hot, sweaty sex. Draw fanart of us. Compose odes to parts of Dirk's body I've never seen and don't ever wish to see. Go for it. Draw dicks. Draw dicks touching. Make everything touch."

"Dave."

"I'm kidding. Well, not about letting them do whatever they're doing that involves us, their gods, but maybe about the dicks touching."

Dirk paused, which meant he was either rolling his eyes and praying for strength, or he was struggling to stay on the line.

"I'm kidding," Dave said again. "Sorry, go ahead. What'd you wanna tell me?"

"The celebration," Dirk said slowly. "It's not about you and me."

Dave's eyebrows went higher. "No? They kinda messed with the color schemes then, big time. Can we sue? Like, red and orange are our official hues, aren't they? I think we can make some kind of legal stand here. Get a court to grant us rights over specific colors in the light spectrum. Do we even need a court? Do we have God Mod powers or something?"

Another pause. "It's about you, yeah. And it's sort of about me, but not me-me. A version of me. That's what the orange is for."

"A version?" This was getting weird. Were the people of Earth-C unsure which Dirk was their god, and so had different days celebrating different slivers? "Which version?"

"Your version."

"My version? Isn't that you?"

"No, Dave. It's...  It's about your brother," Dirk said. Dave's heart seemed to drop out of his back, past his ribs, hurtling through the mattress and the floor straight toward the center of the planet. "You and your brother. That's what it's about."

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

It took Dave four hours to decide that he wasn't afraid, and another four hours attempting to figure out exactly what he wasn't afraid of. It was dark by the time he decided he should stop worrying about what might happen, and concentrate on what would definitely not happen.

Bro was dead. That was a fact.

Bro was not coming back. Probably. No, definitely. Absolutely definitely not.

Bro was crazy, and dead, and was definitely, definitely not coming back.

Even if Dave wanted him to.

No.

Dave did not want that. Bro coming back would be the worst. It would ruin everything. He would ruin everything. Dave had a place and a life and people who expected things of him. He couldn't give it all up, fuck everyone else over, just to go back to Bro.

Not that he would. He wouldn't. Of course he wouldn't. Why would he? Bro gave Dave nothing but pain. There was no reason to want him, no reason at all.

Except his perfect pecs and his tight ass.

Fuck.

With a desperate, abbreviated groan, Dave shoved his hands up under his sunglasses, digging the heels of his palms into the aching soreness of his eye sockets. There was something wrong with him. He knew there was. It was the worst secret of all. Not that his friends would judge him. Well, they might, but that wasn't what scared him. Bro scared him. With his big hands, and his wide shoulders, and his silent, smoldering aura, thick with silent, mocking possibility.

Dave could still remember the way Bro covered Dave's hands with his during their brief soundboard lessons. The touch of those calloused fingers after a strife, threading through Dave's hair, checking his scalp for injuries. The brush of rough thumbs over Dave's cheeks, over his collarbones.

He groaned louder and shoved his sunglasses off, rolling onto his stomach to bury his hot face in the cool pillows.

The juju-colored ceiling hung above him, swirly in his memory, taunting.

If only you could rid yourself of those pesky inhibitions, it seemed to say. If only you could admit to yourself what you wanted. If only you were man enough, you might be free.

It was a lie. He would never be man enough. He would never be as good --

He squashed the thought. It didn't matter. Bro was not coming back. Dave just had to make it through Friday, and everything would go back to the way it was. No more too-honest thoughts. No more re-awakening of long-buried, covetous feelings.

Friday, and then freedom.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

AN: Maybe tbc? We shall see...