#because all the humans were referring to him by them

[mrabubu]

How do you think the turtles from ROTMNT would deal with their feelings if they were in love with someone (be it human, mutant, Yokai, etc.)?

Oh man... Hmmm...

I really hope that wouldn't be a problem if I mostly ramble about Leo (I'M SORRY GUYS THE BLUE TURTLE LIVES IN MY MIND RENT FREE), and maybe a couple of words about the rest. I'll also be talking about both young and adult Leos, so, here we go.

I'll give short opinions on other turtles before Leo:

Donnie: Would be neglecting his feelings and emotions at first. Even though, in my opinion, he was established as the one prone to romance, I think when he'd actually feel anything towards anyone, he'd be really conflicted, because it's one thing to see this stuff on the TV and all, and another when it's in real life. But once he'll deal with all this mess in his head, he's a real gentleman.

With Raph and Mikey I'm going to refer to @souperwrites words, I hope they don't mind xd

"Mikey is confident and lovey dovey." And I totally agree with it. I feel like he would be the one who'd have the least problems with his feelings.

"Raph is shy but very genuine in his affection but also super nervous because of his size and the potential harm he could cause without meaning to." But honestly, I think my friend @daysofmoron could also give their opinion, since they love the red turtle. xd OKAY, NOW MY BOY LEO.

If start with young Leo, in the show he was always all "EWW!" whenever any sign of romantic love is shown, be it Big Mama and Splinter or Warren and Hypno (at least I remember them being all cuddly, and Leo's was just barfing at them on the background), but I imagine once his own heart goes "doki-doki" for Y/N (let it be Y/N or "you" for now), he's a total mess at first. Remember that episode when they met Jupiter Jim actor, and Leo couldn't even put the syllables together? Yeah, that's him at the start, especially if Y/N doesn't know about his feelings towards them. He'll be trying to impress Y/N but since his emotions are all over the place, he messes up more than usual, maybe even ending up hurting himself (like, he'd try to impress you with his skateboarding skills, but ends up eating concrete because he's too distracted).

And here I'm going to add a bit of my own ideas, because I've been thinking of some scenarios, like, if taking that previous idea with skateboarding, or, more easily, let's take the episode "The Longest Fight" when he fell, I imagine if on the contrary from others you'd actually show any genuine concern about if he's hurt, he'd be like "Oh..." and blushing, because usually his brothers would make fun if him, and here comes in you who doesn't laugh at his failure and worries if he needs help. I think after a moment like this he could begin to feel something.

And with Future Leo HO OHO I have an entire game reference on how I imagine him handling a romance.

First of all, I think as an adult he would be more confident with his feelings if he ever feels anything towards anyone, because, well, he's an adult now, and because when you at war you kinda already went through a lot to be all this blushing mess over feeling butterflies in your stomach.

So, as a reference, whenever I thought of him in a relationship, I though of a romance with Garrus from Mass Effect. I imagine Leo being kinda awkward, trying to make jokes at first that are much more sloppy than usual. Especially if talking about Garrus, I always think of that scene from Mass Effect 2, when he comes into Shepard's room before the final mission, trying to lighten up the mood, flirt and all, but ends up just being an awkward (but adorable) mess, and saying: "I've seen so many things have gone wrong... I want something to go right. Just once. Just..."

And it's just really easy for me to imagine Leo say that. And instead of touching scars you touch his prosthetic.

And also that dialogue with Liara after "The Lair of the Shadow Broker" DLC, when she asks if you fight for giving Garrus some peace, and you say that he's been hurt and deserves something better.

But once Leo's over all the awkwardness and let himself relax, he's just enjoying this new experience with you, having fun.

This scene with Garrus and Shepard trying the "first date" thing which ends up them dancing tango together. With all the teasing and all, I can easily imagine Leo would do something like that.

Honestly, I think that's it? There are more scenes in Mass Effect with Garrus and Shepard where I could easily imagine Leo would do something like that, but it's a lot. If you know, you know, If don't, well, I hope I was able to gave you an idea.

[cattimeswithjellie]

Stream Recap, Skizzleman, 6/11/24

((Skizz streams are always funny, but if you want to watch any single part of this stream, check out Skizz's digging around 2:11:00. Poor Chat. Fans of HotGuy and Cuteguy may also want to check out the shout-out around 24:00.))

05:40 Skizz opens the stream. He is dancing to the music and tells everyone he’s doing StreamBeats on Spotify. He logs into Hermitcraft, inside his base. Today’s snack is blueberries, because his energy was running a little low. He thanks subs and donos. A chatter says that Jono is mixing the Poe Poe song, Skizz thinks that is awesome. Yesterday’s stream start was one of the craziest of all times. Skizz does have a plan for today! After stream, he’s going to _chill._ Yesterday was a long day, streaming and prepping today’s new video. First on today’s agenda is recording a bit about the guide for the volcano.

9:20 Skizz talks about the podcast this week. They haven’t even filmed it yet. Impulse was sick and needed extra time, so tomorrow Skizz goes to work for some intense and specific training and a long work day, then they will record the podcast and then he has to get it turned around by Friday. It’s going to be intense. Skizz thanks a dono and massacres the username. He thanks more subs.

11:45 Skizz sets up to record, adjusting his game sounds. Chat has an argument about the pronunciation of “pthalo.” Skizz confirms he will NOT be going into Tango’s hole today. Skizz is very disappointed in whoever invented the pronunciation of “phthalo,” obviously someone who hates human lips.

14:20 Skizz begins recording his bit. He says that what just happened is cool and fun (he is not telling chat what the previous bit was) but that he’s not going to stop until he gets the Mission Possible Hat. He flies to MP HQ and gets a new MP mission. It is “Do a good deed for a Hermit without them noticing and without taking credit.” Skizz says this is right up his alley, but he needs to think about it. He jokes that because he is a Hermit, he could do a good deed for himself and get the reward, right? No, he won’t do that, he’ll do it right. He ends the recording and asks chat about who he should do a nice thing for.

16:30 Skizz lands in the eye of Gem’s base and thinks about what to do. Someone suggests restocking a shop. Skizz laughs and says maybe he should put all the glowberries back (referring to his Mission Possible deed from his last episode, where he bought out Joel’s glowberry shop). Scar signs on and says he has Skizz’s new bow. Skizz is excited and goes to find Scar. He starts at his own base, which is crawling with hostile mobs, and considers spawnproofing it for Scar’s sake. He doesn’t, instead taking off again to search. When a quick aerial search is unrevealing, he goes into his base to sleep. As he arrives back at the base, the Poe Poe song plays outside, then the “Trader Scar’s definitely not going to eat you” horn. Skizz goes outside and finds Scar.

18:20 Skizz tells Scar that Jono is remixing the Poe Poe song. Scar says he is watching Jono live on his other monitor as they speak. Scar gives Skizz an enchanted bow called “FailGuy.” Skizz tells Scar he hates him so much. Scar laughs. Skizz looks at the bow and notes that it is fully enchanted. He sighs and asks what he needs to do to earn the right to rename the bow. Scar says there can be no renaming of this bow, it will be FailGuy until it breaks. He suggests that Skizz should get out there and start shooting a lot of FailGuy arrows. Skizz agrees reluctantly. Scar reminds Skizz that all he really needs to do is believe in himself and use that space bar. Skizz insists that he used spacebar and also fired 700 rockets, it’s right there in his footage. He tells Scar to look at the bloopers from his new episode, both for proof and because they were incredibly funny.

20:00 Scar says people on Twitter are accusing him of diamond ore theft, but he is an innocent bystandard. Bystander, Skizz corrects. Scar doesn’t understand, but he is innocent. He doesn’t want any trouble with the GOAT himself, but he is having a wonderful time watching Doc rage. Skizz asks what kind of ore was taken, from where. Scar says someone is taking the ore from Doc’s fashion shop and replacing it. Doc is on Twitter, making accusations and threatening vagueposts about trains. Scar, as a train owner, is feeling very threatened. Skizz asks how much diamond ore has been taken. Scar says like two pieces. Skizz is baffled that Doc is so upset about two pieces of ore. He doesn’t know what fashion shop Scar is talking about, so Scar takes him on a field trip that may involve murder with Skizz’s new bow. They decide to get in a chat group along the way.

22:00 Scar and Skizz take a quick detour to try and kill Impulse with the new bow. They go down into Impulse’s metro system and fly around the cyberpunk city but don’t find him. Scar calls Xisuma “Dipple-dee-doppers.” They say he must be hiding. Scar says they should shoot Xisuma for hoarding the End and keeping people from harvesting XP there. ((Xisuma has been moving mobs via the End Portal and asking other Hermits to stay away.)) Skizz asks whether Scar knows about the Bop N Go. Scar says he just used it, and he likes the music.

24:00 Skizz and Scar abandon the hunt for Impulse. Scar says Impulse must be afraid of the power of the HotGuy and the FailGuy. He wishes that they could get CuteGuy onto the server so they could have the full set. Skizz protests that he is a cute guy. Scar tells him very definitively that he’s not CuteGuy, that’s Grian. Skizz points out that he used to be SpyGuy, and that was cool, and then his _buddy_ _murdered_ him and named him FailGuy. Scar leads him to the armor trim shop and points out the two missing bits of diamond ore, one on the surface and one inside the guts of the redstone. Scar noticed the second bit of missing redstone during a livestream, before Doc actually noticed it, but he did not take it. ((Scar says it was Tango’s stream, but it was Ren’s livestream.)) Scar is disgusted that Doc has a diamond boring machine and still gets so upset about two ore.

25:30 Scar is distracted from Doc’s problems by how much he still wants to kill Impulse. He insists that he sees Impulse and takes off, followed by Skizz who demands to know what kind of eyes he has. Scar insists he is HotGuy! Scar races around the shopping district, followed by Skizz, but they do not find Impulse. They do hear Joel’s honey song and are baffled by it before resuming the chase. It is unclear whether Scar actually saw Impulse at all, or if it was a mirage, or if Scar is deliberately toying with Skizz. Scar looks up Impulse’s coords but he doesn’t seem to be there. Skizz begins taking potshots at Scar, who doesn’t notice. Skizz goes home to sleep.

29:40 Skizz gives up the chase and goes to Bop ‘n Go to repair his elytra. Scar makes a difficult shot to hit Skizz while he’s bopping. Scar tells Skizz that if he does something Scar deems truly admirable, he can change the name of the FailGuy bow. Skiss promises he will do so. They shoot at each other a few more times and Scar leaves.

31:00 Skizz decides his good deed will be to replace Doc’s diamond ore. Chat doesn’t like Skizz calling Doc Doccy because that is what Doc calls his child and it is confusing everyone. Skizz does not read chat and doesn’t notice. He admits this is not really a selfless act, it’s a nice thing but it’s so he can get his token. He heads back to the armor shop. He replaces the outer block and, leery of entering the machine itself, stacks up two more ore to replace the other missing blocks. Good deed done, no credit taken! Skizz goes to collect his token.

34:10 Skizz needs two tokens to spin for the MP prize he wants (the helicopter beanie cap), so he needs another task. He turns in his task and gets one token, then collects his new task. He receives the task “create a big present at another Hermit’s base, sign it, wish them happy birthday, and put something useless inside.” He instantly recognizes this as the task Stress got and performed on him months ago now. Chat is amused. Skizz is going to think of something fantastic for this task. He unpauses his chat alerts and demands Chat tell him the most useless item in Minecraft. Chat has lots of ideas, but Skizz likes the poison potato best.

36:00 Skizz starts looking through his chest monster for useless things. He gets excited when he remembers the retextured “Diamond” stick that has been in his ender chest for a long time now. It is the perfect gift, but who to give it to? Skizz starts looking for the packaging blocks Stress used for the original present. Chat points out that it’s actually Pearl’s birthday.

38:30 Skizz reads a dono from chat and takes a contemplative sip of coffee. It is from the wrong cup and is his cold nasty coffee from the morning. He is unhappy. He tells Chat he is not going to give Pearl a fake present on her real birthday. He finds the pink concrete from Stress and gathers up some cherry leaves as well. He thinks about making a Russian nesting doll style present, unwrapped in layers. He can’t find any items frames so he steals some from his Poe Poe kit. Considering how terrible his organizational system is, Skizz knows where a surprising number of items are.

42:00 Skizz decides Grian gets the present. There’s a nice flat space right in front of his base. He builds a 9x9x9 box of cherry leaves and quizzes Chat on what memory he’s evoking here. Chat guesses the Heart Foundation. He asks Chat if they notice how slow he is moving. It is because his buddies killed him in the Void and he lost his Swift Sneak pants.

45:00 Skizz responds to a request from chat for the Skizzlefarts song, in honor of a chatter’s sister who had surgery and cannot leave the hospital before passing gas. Chat is very supportive. During the song, Skizz returns to his base and collects more cherry leaves, then starts the second inner layer. Chat begins telling him to eat.

49:00 The song ends. Chat has strong feelings about Skizz not building the inner box off the ground. Skizz does not care, but he does satisfy Chat by eating. He places the item frame and the fake diamond, then goes to sleep. In the morning, finishes the box and goes to put the sign up, only to realize he put it back in the chest when he collected the cherry leaves. He returns to base for the sign, then closes the boxes and adds the ribbon. He is just complimenting himself on his Guess-the-Build boosted skills when he runs out of concrete. Chat knows he has more concrete in his base and Skizz actually looks at chat to see it. Victorious, he finishes the ribbon, then adds a bow. The bow takes awhile.

58:30 Skizz adds the sign and calls it good. He does not sign it. Chat reminds him he must sign it to complete the mission. He says he’s not going to sign it. Chat scolds him. He reads the mission again and returns to sign his name to the present.

1:01:20 Skizz explains Mission Possible to Chat while he sleeps through the night and heads for the Shopping district. He receives his tokens and spends them on a skin. He is disappointed to receive the arrow hat. He feels better when he realizes it is a hat that makes it look like there’s an arrow through his head. He decides to head back to work, but thanks subs and donos first.

1:04:50 Skizz flies from the shopping district to the top of Magic Mountain and tells chat he wants to make a quad beacon for digging, or a “queacon.” He flies immediately back to the shopping district for more iron. As he flies, he plugs his new channel, ShorterSkizz. The channel is his daughter’s summer project because she cannot work during ACL recovery. Chat is excited and begins subbing, competing for early sub numbers.

1:07:00 Skizz arrives back at the shopping district and tries to figure out how many iron blocks he needs. Sub numbers have climbed from 15 to about 400. A chatter suggests he needs to hire Jimmy for a 700 subscribers special. Skizz likes that idea and puts a velcro bag on his head to stand in for Young Jimmy’s hair from his subscriber special. He decides he needs “ a lot” of iron, and buys three and a half stacks of iron. He decides that’s not enough and tops up to six stacks.

1:13:00 Skizz heads back for the mountain, thanking subs and donos. ShorterSkizz cracks 700 subs. Skizz stops on top of the pyramid and thanks everyone with his best teenage Jimmy impression. Chat is pleased. Skizz tells Jimmy, if he sees this, that he loves him and explains the bit. He makes sure that someone clipped that so Jimmy can see it.

1:15:40 Skizz grabs his shovel and heads for the mountain for real. Chat begins reminding him to eat. He does a shoutout to his buddy MKBean who is helping with the new channel, then scouts out a spot for the beacon, digging straight down. He sees the opening into the cave and falls in anyway, but does not die.

1:19:30 Skizz pauses to read out a dono that suggests he should buy a keyboard with a working space bar. Skizz demands affirmation from chat that they saw his episode and that he really tried to get out of the void. Chat is supportive, to a point. Skizz continues digging down and notes that he didn’t even bring a weapon on this jaunt. He arrives in the largest part of the underground caverns and realizes he went off by one while digging the beacon hole. He fixes the mistake with another hole, realizes it is nighttime and that he didn’t bring a bed. He goes home.

1:24:00 Skizz jumps back down the beacon hole and goes to fix his mistake hole, then changes his mind and decides not to. He digs down deeper instead, then goes home again to get torches and a weapon. He thanks donos and subs, and seeks more affirmation from chat about his death in the void. A chatter tells him that nice things happened last night on the channel he raided into. Skizz is happy. He talks about how funny Jimmy was in the 700 subscriber video. Skizz cannot find his sword.

1:29:00 Skizz searches his chest monster for the sword and does not find it. He says he’s tried to organize his chests onstream a million times only for Chat to tell him not to do it because it’s boring, then admits that the opposite is true and chat has basically begged him to do an organizing stream. He won’t though, because it’s bad content. It’s much better to watch him search the chest monster a million times. He realizes he might have lost it in the void. He makes a new diamond sword and heads for the Shopping district for books. He remembers suddenly that he had Looting on that sword and that somehow motivates him to turn around and search harder.

1:30:50 Skizz finds his sword outside the Pyramid and then starts searching for torches. He organizes his inventory a bit and makes torches. He collects more rockets and heads back into the mountain.

Chat reminds him he forgot his bed and the beacon, but it is too late.

1:33:00 Skizz digs a bigger hole in the mountain. He digs down to about 10 and fights a creeper, then lights a little cavern he finds. He eats and provides some birthday you-yos, then decides whether to go down further. He places more torches and argues with himself. He digs down some more and lights another cave full of mobs.

1:42:00 Skizz realizes he has lost track of the hole he dug. He finds it after a couple minutes of searching and begins placing the beacon. A chatter asks if he has forgotten the ways of the skompass. He figures out what the dimensions of the beacon need to be and starts throwing down iron. He explains how one chatter has taken responsibility to be master of dad jokes and now Skizz looks forward to them. Chat provides additional dad jokes. Skizz plays the bop song and builds.

1:51:30 Skizz is very pumped about Jono remixing the Poe Poe song. The beacon is partway built now and growing fast. He realizes that he will need to buy some beacons, and that it might have made sense to do that before jumping down this hole. He finishes the beacon base, including four extra blocks where the beacons themselves should go, and heads out to get some beacons. Chat tries to explain that he needs to remove the top four blocks.

1:56:00 Skizz flies to the shopping district and visits the beacon shop. He stares at the enormous BEACONS sign and asks chat where the beacons are. Chat mocks him. He purchases four beacons and heads back to the mountain. Skizz parks himself on top of the mountain, tells Chat not to let him die, and plays the Skizzlefarts song again while he takes a bathroom break.

2:00:20 Skizz returns, miraculously unkilled. He opens the hole wide enough for a 2x2 beacon light and breaks the netherrack pole he’d used to survey the mountain. With everything prepared, he dives back down the hole and places the beacons on the iron blocks he should have removed. The beacon does not light. He removes the beacons, removes the blocks, and places the beacons in the correct place. They light successfully. Skizz goes to find some pink glass.

2:06 Skizz heads for the shopping district and visits the glass shop. He buys a stack of pink glass and goes to get some iron. Chat reminds him he has iron. He heads for the mountain and empinkens the beacon, then activates it with Haste 2, Jump Boost, Speed, Resistance and Regen. He decides he needs to make a safe drop to let him get down without dying.

2:11:00 Skizz admires the work he has done for the mountain crew. He contemplates a top-level control room that will activate different beacons under the mountain, but that’s for another day. He tries to take advantage of the new beacon to dig some dirt on the mountain, but has little success because he is trying to dig with his axe. Frustrated, he announces that his spoon SUCKS. Chat is beside themselves. He somehow misses the hundred chatters telling him he was holding an axe to zero in on the one who assures him that grass is slower to mine than dirt. Skizz flies around a little and admires the beacon, then heads back to his base for a better shovel. He finally realizes he was using the axe. He immediately flies back to Magic Mountain to test out his actual shovel. It works very well.

2:15:20 Skizz begins reorganizing the chests on Magic Mountain to facilitate digging, setting the storage chests outside the digging perimeter. Chat suggests putting an S on the ground and calling it Skizz Mountain. He flies back home to sleep, then realizes there was a bed on top of the mountain. He thanks subs and donos again. He tries to eat a rocket. After several more birthday you-yos, it’s back to the mountain for more organizing. Skizz has great sympathy for the very confused pen of sheep on top of the mountain.

2:19:45 Skizz finds a sign that says “omg, it’s a dark oak tree!” He laughs, confused, but does not remove it. He finishes moving the chests and organizing them. Chat reminds him how nice it feels to organize and suggests maybe he could do that at his base. Skizz hopes that this will make excavation a little more enjoyable for everybody.

2:24:15 Skizz leads by example with an arrow in his head, beginning the digging himself. He digs about ten dirt blocks and declares himself exhausted. He digs some more, then realizes he just wants to use TNT again. They probably will use TNT again, but this is a good way to put a teeny little dent in the amount of work yet to be done. A group TNT day would be a very fun group recording day for Magic Mountain. TNT is unpredictable but very fast!

2:27:00 Skizz digs dirt, sleeps, and interacts with chat. A chatter tells him a joke. He gathers up a lot more dirt, then stops because he does not want to ruin the glorious TNT day. He notices a chest and bed on top of the mountain and investigates, but the chest is empty. He destroys it. All his dirt goes into the storage chests. He’s way into the TNT date idea now.

2:32:00 Skizz decides to call the stream a little early today. Yesterday he was super busy and last night he didn’t sleep well. Today was long and he needs some sun before it gets dark. Chat advises Skizz to touch grass. He returns to his base and says goodbye to chat. He raids into “Coach” Jojosolos and ends his stream.

[tedshell]

my ihnmaims self-insert, adam! (please ask questions about him, he's so silly and pathetic to me)

(father) adam was a priest pre-AM, working for the catholic church. he was incredibly passionate about his religion and took his job seriously, working every hour for his church and god.

upon entering AM's stomach, adam was quickly sent into a state of religious psychosis. he believed he was in hell (and in someways, he was) and was actively being punished for his sins on the surface. he was quick to disband himself from the group of five, believing they were demons sent by satan to torment him.

adam, for the better part of two decades, kept to himself. he'd wander off to do his own thing, not caring about the group and what they did. he was incredibly paranoid when it came to them and only believed them to be demons, benny especially (he'd witness him turn from human to ape, he believes benny is the most demonic out of all of them). he refuses to talk to them, unless it's to speak about how god will save him or to try and repent the group from their sins.

of course as time went on, adam realized that the group was struggling just as much as he was, just in their own way. it took him a long time to drop the, "you guys are demons out to get me" delusion but it did falter off. kudos to ellen for helping him get over that! his relationships with the group are incredibly rocky and he still struggles to keep his religious bias out of them, but it's apart of who he is and he continues to struggle.

AM (i'll be using it/its to refer to it) however, gets a kick out of adam's religion and often uses it against him. it's favorite way of torturing adam is through psychological abuse and religious delusion. AM has gone as far as to alter adam's mind enough to make him believe tjag it is god, and that adam should worship it.

AM is incredibly hot/cold about this praise from adam, though. one minute it basks in it, the next it is furious that a human would love AM as much as adam believes he does. on bad days, adam is punished for his worship.

a lot of his games revolve around religion, often focusing on different stories from the bible and twisting them to become horrors beyond human imagination. other times, it focuses on adam's own inner sins, helping him overcome them and find peace within himself (those are on good, good days. they're still awful to experience, however).

adam has a similar personality to:

michael (supernatural)

father paul (midnight mass)

neil perry (dead poet's society)

james wilson (house md)

some fun facts about adam! :

- had his mouth sewn shut for three years because AM was tired of listening to his prayers.

- was crucified, he couldn't walk or grab onto things properly for a long time. gorrister got fed up with his constant cries of pain and tore the nails out, adam wasn't happy.

- AM made him almost blind. adam can see, but it's incredibly hard and he mostly has to rely on touch and sound to get by.

- wasn't a good person on the surface despite being a priest, and treats AM's stomach as a place to reform himself.

- has a little crush ^__^!!! (wonder who :/)

- adam is a sagittarius (dec. 20th)

[rowanthestrange]

So we know the main theme of the season is ‘you created the problem’:

Space Babies - Booger monster, story.

The Devil’s Chord - A human had to play the chord first, more broadly Fourteen gave the Pantheon ability to manifest.

Boom - The mudmen aren’t real and your ambulances are putting you down.

73 Yards - Dead Ruby becomes The Woman.

Dot & Bubble - You were so racist the robots chose genocide - person creates robot, robot creates or enables slugs.

Rogue - Depending on how surface level you are, anywhere from ‘the Doctor set the trap’ to ‘if you’d proposed to the Master before running away he would have given up being a Time Lord for you’.

The start of The Church On Ruby Road looks like Ruby dropping herself as a baby, so we’ve presumably got at least one layer covered. If it’s a Pantheon member behind it, two.

I was wondering for era-arc (we’re not dealing with the Pantheon once and for all now, no way, this is an introductory season), do you think we’re going to swing round to the Doctor getting the Pantheon to turn on their father/head of the family?

By the sound of it, the Toymaker has created legions of offspring. A terrible father who presumably made them for the sole reason of having someone to play against while being kept from the universes. He makes toys. And when they don’t amuse him anymore, he discards them.

Certainly the Maestro has a poor opinion of him, “Daddy was bad to me,” and yes, I can imagine. The basic literary (and life) dynamic that is the creative queer child of a competitive shit dad. Their specialty is music, and they are summoned as a set of rule-breaking ‘wrong’ notes. But they’re not about playing it and expressing it for everyone, they want it all for themselves. Which makes a lot of sense if your daddy is constantly playing with you, forcing you to bet, even though he wins he always wins. You don’t get to own anything. So you become the owner of the unownable. Playing but in a new way. Playing pianos and fiddles and drums and instruments, a playing you can’t win or lose.

And if Rogue is The Rogue, their specialty also fits. D&D is a roleplaying game. A thing you can play but there is no winning. It is structured, there are rules, as they would have been brought up with, not quite as loosey-goosey as Playing Pretend, but not so strict that creativity is punished. A DM has control but any bullshit moving the universe around to get what you intended is bad practice - perhaps tired of a dad that will literally make the floor lava ‘that’s not cheating that’s just the game’. They love roleplaying because it’s not about winning, but about the experience. And again, a queer offspring as per literary and life dynamic.

Is the Toymaker the root? Is there a worse parent above him? Possibly. Probably. We at least temporarily dispatched him at the start so he doesn’t hold much sway as the Biggest Bad. The Maestro refers to a he/him ‘The Oldest One’ though that could be the oldest sibling. The One Who Waits (it/its) could be that - but it seems included in a list of new players the Toymaker had access to, so perhaps not. (And if it’s something like Love, well, the Toymaker doesn’t play games with love perhaps? Too messy).

But Russell saying abused kids, queer kids, have a right over their shitty parents? That feels like a good and thematic way to end the Pantheon stuff.

(What else do you play? Well a play obviously - would fit either Susan Twist or Mrs Flood, acting-to-a-crowd. You can play with people’s minds. Sport would be funny - a child the Toymaker hated less until for some reason they couldn’t do it anymore. Literally play perhaps, the essence thereof, one with no goals, more silly, innocent, more abstract a creature than the rest with their humanoid forms - too esoteric for the Toymaker. If The One Who Waits isn’t Love, then Love who was raised to play games…but actually doesn’t want to...)

[snackleggg]

A doctor who headcanon I have is that Gallifreyan doesn't have gendered pronouns. It's all in the neutral.

One of the biggest obsticals the Doctor had when learning new languages so they didn't have to rely on a translation circuit all the time was learning how gendered pronouns worked and how to apply them to themselves and others based on the planet.

[newhanovere]

hi all i’m here to say i think john marston is often unintentionally selfish and when it’s pointed out to him that he was manipulative towards his partners he makes this face and means it

[fingertipsmp3]

In some other news I have been accepted to be a dog fosterer

[vertigala]

*Grabs you by the throat* Listen to me you TMAGP-loving freaks. Listen to me right now. RedCanary might be the host for this universe's Jonah Magnus.

This is under the assumption that TMAGP takes place in a parallel universe that may or may not have already had the fears in it prior to Jon releasing them at the end of TMA.

RedCanary goes to explore the Magnus Institute ruins. They become paranoid because the Eye is watching them. They pick up a wooden box with strange symbols carved into it. They go to put it back. Next we hear from them, they post an image of gouged out eyes with the caption "Canaries should stay above ground."

They found the tunnels, hence that caption. Then they found Jonah Magnus's body sitting down there, waiting for a new host.

In this universe, the Magnus Institute burned down in 1999. Maybe in this universe Gertrude went through with her original plan of burning the place to the ground after finding out Elias was actually Jonah in 1997. Either way, let's say Jonah's original body is down there, maybe with Elias's body and his eyes and all that, and with his plans foiled, he's just chilling down there waiting for an opportunity which RedCanary then gives him. This is my going theory due to the specificity of the caption "canaries should stay above ground" (referring to the tunnels, and also it being in third-person) and the fact that RedCanary themselves would be pretty unlikely to be able to post that picture of THEIR OWN EYES GOUGED OUT unless it was Magnus assuming their body and identity and being a freak about it.

But there's more.

Narratively speaking, it makes sense for the third voice in the computer to be Jonah Magnus, right? If Jon and Martin ended up in this universe as voices in a computer, the only other person sharing their fate would have to be Magnus, given how TMA ended. Recall, also, the boot-up sequence in the trailer of TMAGP.

[id: a screenshot of the text from the TMAGP teaser, which says “initializing J.01… OK/initializing M.01… OK/initializing J.02… OK”. end id.]

Jonathan, Martin, and Jonah, right? Unless Augustus is gonna be a new J name or this is just an unrelated easter egg but like. It's Jonah right?? Right??? And he's watching the O.I.R.A through the systems like a good little voyeur, and Colin knows it!

So now we possibly have TWO Jonah Magnuses in this universe!! That's absurd!! One from the TMAGP universe now loose and running around in RedCanary's body, and one from the TMA universe trapped in a computer. But if this is true...doesn't that mean there would be two Jons and Martins too?

And listen...I'm thinking about what Jonny and Alex said during that liveshow panel about this story's themes regarding "what makes a human." If we dare to hope that Jon and Martin (and Jonah, if it's his voice in the computer) are going to gain consciousness and once again become proper characters...then, are they going to simply stay in the computer? Or are they going to "manifest" physically? Are they going to UPLOAD themselves into THEIR OWN TMAGP UNIVERSE BODIES?

@doomatix and I have been going crazy over these theories and they were the one that initially considered RedCanary's new identity as Jonah Magnus. Are our facts wrong? Does any of this even make sense? We haven't seen anyone else posting about this particular theory. Someone help us we are rotting. And don't even get me started on how GWEN would fit into this--

[gay-dorito-dust]

How’d they react to you calling them bro or dude whilst in a pre-established relationship…(platonic/romantic)

Dick: he’s insulted.

Gutted.

He will try to give you the silent treatment for such a shameful thing but ultimately fails as he ends up being the one pawing at you for attention.

‘Do you still like me? Or did you just run out of cute nicknames to call me?’ He’d say one night as your both cuddling in bed together. ‘If it’s the later then I can help you find something, just please spare me and don’t call me dude or bro anymore.’

He’d rather you call him Richard-wait, no he hates that even more because to him you’re not meant to use his fully name, only cutesy nicknames that’d make a grown man sick to his stomach. Nothing else would suffice other than Dickie bird, handsome, babe, hunk, honeybun or anything that wasn’t his name.

He’s go mad or would act delusional and say that everything was fine when everyone could tell that it wasn’t. People who know him have personally came to you and begged you to stop calling him dude/bro because he kept talking their ears off about how his beloved partner is torturing him, which ends up torturing them even more upon hearing about his relationship issues.

Dick would even consult Hayley on what he did wrong, only for Hayley to look at him with those big, big eyes of hers. This was not her level of expertise unfortunately. (Head empty, no thoughts. She can’t do her abc’s guys it’s a real tragedy.)

Jason: ‘I just had my tongue down your throat just now and you had to go and ruin the mood by calling me bro. What the fuck.’ - Jason at some point.

It’s a whole mood killer for him to be honest.

He’s calling you things like chipmunk or sweetheart but here you were calling him dude and bro. He knows for a fact that he’s well and truly out of the friend zone because the shit you’ve done together isn’t platonic in any sort of way.

Thinks Roy had set you up to call him dude or bro behind his back. (He hasn’t)

Jason is petty and will get his own back by referring you as ‘just a really good friend’, ‘buddy o’ mine’ or even worse than both of those; ‘chum.’ 💀

When you go low, Jason was more then willing to go to the depths of fucking hell to the point it had become a game to see who’d call out just how stupid this all was, and at the both of you for ever thinking that this was an excellent idea in the first place.

You’ll probs get punished…I’m just going to leave it there and let your minds guess what that ‘punishment’ was exactly.

Damian:

As much as Damian hates it when you call him Dami, he hates it when you call him dude or bro even more, if that’s even possible.

Damian hates it when you call him dude or bro. He’s not your dude or bro, he’s your partner and he expects no less then darling, my heart or my beloved.

So you calling him dude or bro is more than enough reason for him to give you the silent treatment.

‘Until you learn that I am your partner, I won’t want to be anywhere near you if you’re going to keep calling me your bro or dude. It is a disservice to who I actually am to you.’ He says with a huff and beckons Titus to follow, only for the Great Dane to be left confused as to why his human parents were at a disagreement over something silly.

Also Titus, Ace, Jerry, Alfred the cat, Goliath and BatCow are children of divorce because I said so.

So it’s bests that you apologise while you still can because Damian can hold a grudge unlike any other. Even if you didn’t, you’d still crack first before Damian and quickly put an end to calling him dude/bro.

He just thinks being called a dude/bro when in a pre-established relationship is an insult.

He can take a joke but not when it’s aimed at his relationship. He’s well and truly devoted to his relationship -if we’re to completely ignore the whole being Robin thing- that it might as well be an insult towards him too at this point.

[obsessivevoidkitten]

Love is a Many-Legged Thing

Yandere Squid Merman x Gender Neutral Reader CW: Noncon, tentacle noncon, light tentacle bondage, stalking, kidnapping, squid-based merman, big slimy prehensile merman dick, reader fucked senseless, merman fantasizes about receiving oral sex, general yandere behavior, delusional yandere, voyeurism, exhibitionism Word Count: 2k (Happy MerMay!!!! I really hope you all love the fic, would have been done weeks ago had the ac not died. But still 40min left of MerMay! I wrote this fast without a beta reader so please forgive any mistakes! The name Onyk is a reference to Onykia Ingens, a deap sea squid with an astoundingly long dick.)

Seaspark Aquarium was a very unique establishment. Not only did it contain the usual attractions that an aquarium housed, the tide pools, the sharks, a seemingly unending variety of colorful fish and corals and nudibranchs, but it also housed transient merfolk. The aquarium was situated on a flat outcrop of rocky land. Via submerged tubes it granted access to a huge tank to the ocean and merfolk below.

The tank was absolutely massive and had many different areas including a reef, a seaweed forest, a beach, and even a secluded sea cave. There were underwater cameras in most of the areas that live streamed what was happening on screens for the humans. Though the sea cave feed was restricted to adults only since the merfolk sometimes mated there.

The aquarium was just as much an exhibit for the merpeople as it was for the humans, they had underwater screens that allowed them to view the humans at play and at the food court. They enjoyed seeing and even communicating with their terrestrial cousins. There were several areas where humans and merpeople could talk face to face or via the cameras. Many of them visited quite frequently and made friendships with regular customers and their favorite staff members.

You had been blessed with landing a really good job at Seaspark Aquarium. Though it was entirely because you were the cousin of the curator of the establishment. You did janitorial tasks, including sometimes scraping the tanks, and occasionally you had to provide food for an exhibit. Even though interacting with animals or merfolk was not a common part of your job, there was one squid-man who had become quite friendly with you. Onyk.

Most of the squid type mermen shied away from human interaction, and really the aquarium as a whole, but not Onyk. He had always been a frequent visitor. A knowledgeable observer might even say it seemed that he had been hoping to find something there. The first few times he had gone had been out of pure curiosity about humans after hearing tales about them his entire life. But after his first couple of visits he was enthralled. Everything about the land walkers amazed him.

And then he met you and felt his heart flutter every single time he looked upon you. He frequently tried to engage you in conversation whenever he could and was always watching you, though often it was in secret. Onyk cherished your chats with him, he found you so interesting, even more so than he found other humans. He loved seeing you go about your tasks, it made him think of you cleaning his home as his mate while he went and got food for the two of you.

Of course if you had any say, that would never happen. Onyk, for some reason you couldn't quite place, creeped you out. No, it wasn't the head of tentacles he had in place of hair, nor the dark purple tentacles he had from the waist down, it wasn't his smile that showed off his dangerously sharp teeth, or his cyan blue eyes. No, it wasn't anything physical, just a weird energy he seemed to give off. Like a hungry animal hunting its prey.

You tried to be nice to Onyk, though you always tried to keep conversations brief and hurry on to other tasks that would take you out of his reach. Unfortunately he took your awkward stammers and clumsy rushing to zip away from him as you being extremely shy because you liked him. He sighed and stared at you longingly, head resting on his hands, as you rushed off once more. Clearly you were simply too embarrassed by your emotions to act rationally around him. Onyk had to find a way to get you to stop running off. As adorable as it was that you kept scampering off from your shyness you really needed to be closer to him.

Onyk had a brilliant, though simple, idea. It came to him right as you were in the middle of making another excuse to run away from him while the two of you were chatting in the beach area. He'd simply grab you. It wasn't the first thing he'd normally do, but you were just too prone to running off. It was more than obvious you needed him to make a firm and forceful first move.

"Well uh... it was nice seeing you again Onyk... but um... I gotta go check on the tide p-"

Onyk lunged at you suddenly with the speed and ferocity of lightning. He pulled you into the water and swiftly took you into the empty sea cave and sat you on the dry ground within. Yes, this would do perfectly for his purposes. It was a huge room that had an area for him to swim and enough space for you to run about and get exercise. This would make a lovely home for the two of you, he'd have to keep all the other merfolk out from now on but that wasn't an issue, they were respectful of claimed territory.

Once you caught your breath you were confused and angry at the sudden relocation.

"What the f-"

He interrupted you again, this time by pressing his hungry lips to yours in a passionate embrace. His long tongue slipped past your unsuspecting lips and explored every inch that it could reach. His saliva pooled in your mouth, claiming it. The offending muscle snaked down your throat before finally retreating as he broke the kiss, you struggled to find your breath once more.

"Heh, sorry for interrupting, I have just been waiting to kiss you for so long I couldn't hold back any longer!"

“What!? Why did you do that? Why did you bring me here!?”

“Well your shyness was making it hard for us to take things to the next step in our relationship, now you can’t let your nervousness get the better of you and make you run off!”

“Next step in our relationship? We have no relationship, you creep!”

“Don’t say that! Y-you just have the jitters because moving in is such a big step! Yeah, they’ll wear off soon I’m sure.”

“There won’t be a soon, I am going back to the beach!”

You started to head back to the water, but Onyk closed the distance between the two of you easily.

“But you can’t go! You’re just in denial and nervous, but you’ll love living with me, I promise. M-maybe I’m not moving too fast but too slow. That must be it, you must be all pent up and eager for my dick! So naughty~”

Onyk’s blush was evident even on his light blue skin. He swallowed your complaints in another deep kiss as he stood behind you and rubbed your crotch gently.

“We’ll do it in front of these cameras so everyone knows you’re mine now~”

And, indeed, the screens in the adults only section of the aquarium definitely picked up some viewers as the scene between you and Onyk unfolded.

Most mermen would have had trouble traversing land, but Onyk’s strong tentacles allowed him to maneuver easily enough. He peeled off your wet clothing and wrapped his arms tightly around your bare chest, rubbing and caressing you with greedy hands. His prehensile cock wrapped partially around your waist, held you close as it rubbed against you. At first you mistook the sensation for a tentacle before looking down and seeing it, the cock was tapered, icy blue and glowing at the tip, with the rest of it being dark purple.

Your shouts and screams were ignored as Onyk convinced himself they were just you being grumpy or maybe playing hard to get. The merman’s sharp teeth bit carefully at your tender neck as you squirmed. Most of his tentacles had wrapped around your legs, powerful suction cups firmly adhered them to you. They held you staunchly in place despite your best efforts to struggle.

The remaining two writhing appendages were busy with another task. They gently prodded and massaged your tight hole, slowly worming their way inside you. Your efforts to clench and keep them outside of you were rendered futile as they finally worked their way inside of you. They began thrusting in tandem back and forth within you, loosening you up well.

Your next attempt at protesting devolves into several lusty moans as he ministrations begin to elicit pleasure. It’s all the confirmation he needs that he has been right all along and definitely went about everything in the right way.

“Your mating sounds are so lovely,” he said as he nipped at your ear.

His tentacles suddenly withdrew from your lovingly stretched hole, leaving you involuntarily whimpering at the sudden removal.

“Awe, don’t worry, love. I have something far better to put into you~”

You snap out of it when you hear those words and feel his cock move itself from your waist and start wiggling against you in search of its target.

“What!? No, please do-oooh~ Aaah!”

When it found your entrance it deftly slithered right in. Much to your unwilling pleasure.

Onyk chuckled.

“I knew you just needed some good dick~ You feel soooo good. You were made for this!”

When you happened to look up at one of the cameras you blushed and looked down. The room that monitored the sea cave was now packed, everyone enjoying the sight. The aquarium was already at work recording with plans to put it on their website for sale.

You couldn’t help the lewd cacophony of noises that tumbled from your mouth as the thick slimy cock thrust back and forth inside of you.

“I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you!” Onyk chanted louder and louder until he slammed into you hard, filling you up with warm viscous semen at the same moment that you were shuddering from the strongest orgasm that you had ever experienced.

You were far too dazed and overstimulated to realize what was going on in that moment or what you were saying, but on autopilot you mumbled back what your brain thought it was supposed to when someone told you that they loved you.

“I l-love you too…”

Onyk was overjoyed to hear those words from his beloved human. He pulled out of you and laid down on the floor of the cave, pulling you close to him and resting your head on his chest. His webbed fingers gently caressed you as did both the tentacles that made up his "hair" and the ones below his waist. Cum slowly ebbed out of you and onto him but he didn't mind, the two of you would just get messy again the second you came to your senses. He nuzzled into your hair and gave you dozens of little kisses. Your mind was too blank and your body too exhausted to do anything but drool a bit on his chest while he cuddled you.

His head was swimming with all of the things the two of you would do together. Sharing meals, chatting, mating. He couldn’t wait to wrap his cock gently around your neck while at the same time plunging it down your throat and having that pretty mouth of yours suck it until he was feeding you his cum. Maybe the two of you could try it when you woke up.

Meanwhile onlookers on the viewing screens were putting away their cocks and slipping their fingers out of their pussies with the spectacle now over, but word soon spread and tourism was up over 300 percent! Scientists the world over were interested in documenting this rare species of merman having sexual relations with a human. Grants were given. A great raise and credit to your cousin, the curator.

It was even considered a diplomatic victory for merfolk and humans!

Everyone came to the consensus that on all fronts, but yours, it was far too beneficial and lucrative to make sure you had to permanently stay in the sea cave for the rest of your life with Onyk. At the very least they equipped the habitat with amenities like a proper bathroom, tv, video games, and human food. The sea cave area was also expanded, and you were afforded some privacy, except for most of the times that your “husband” Onyk was spilling his seed into you. That’s what people wanted to see.

[bluejay757]

reading Marceline's Scrapbook honestly and truly ripped my heart from my body.

It's starts off as Simon's journal and then he later passes it on to Marceline when he has to leave her.

This is his first entry, right after he found Marcy he talks about how when he found her she was afraid of everything around her, including him. That the first night after he found her she didn't sleep, but instead cried all night.

Simon talks about how much he loves Marceline, and how she's keeping him alive. Because if he didn't have her, he'd have no reason to live. He basically outright says he wishes he was dead so if he didn't have Marceline to look after he probably would have killed himself.

And it starts to get more and more sad when he starts referring to Marcy as Gunther.

This was Simon's last entry before giving the journal to Marceline and the last thing he said in it was, "God help me" which I find really dark for, one, a cartoon, and two, adventure time specifically since Glob replaces God in most peoples vocabulary in Ooo so this really highlights his humanity imo.

But whats really sad is seeing how significantly his hand writing changes over time, it starts out very neat and ends up looking like chicken scratch.

This was Marceline's first entry in the journal, she wrote in it for a while before Simon left her. I highlighted where she called Uncle Simon. Because...

She later refers to him as a father, yes I know it's in quotation marks but she's talking about Simon and Hunson in the same way and Hunson is her actual dad. Everything about their relationship makes me want to tear my heart out.

Edit: I saw a couple people were confused, when she says "day 4 without Dad" she is referring to Hunson, this is shortly after he stole her fries and she forced him to leave, but he did things far worse than that. He killed her friends after he promised he would help save them, and him eating her fries after she hasn't eaten hot food in literal years was just the straw that broke the camels back. She was maybe 11 years old at that point.

"Maybe more."

[sunderwight]

Okay, concept:

Luo Binghe grew up very poor prior to arriving to QJP. And when he first got to QJP, he was ostracized and neglected. So there are probably a lot of phrases, terms, and ideas that he didn't know were things until SY arrived and started actually teaching him. Right? So the bulk of what he did learn, he learned directly from Shen Yuan's own slightly messy attempts to fake ancient scholarly credentials.

Plus, QJP is supposed to be the peak of scholars and well-read, fancy intellectuals, and YQY probably also doesn't know shit about most of that stuff (having also been a former illiterate street child) and of course is incredibly predisposed to take Shen Qingqiu's side on virtually anything. Especially something frivolous or linked to their shared past, such as someone, say Qi Qingqi, accusing Shen Qingqiu of making up a literary reference or "gibberish" word. If something Shen Qingqiu says is something no one else seems to know, that just proves he's more worldly and well-read than the rest of his peers. Also, Shang Qinghua will probably know it, and despite his many (many) character flaws, Shang Qinghua reads a lot too. There's really very little to convince a former street child turned Demon Emperor whose former education began and ended with Shen Qingqiu specifically and Meng Mo (wildly out-of-touch with human culture anyway) to suspect that some of the difficult-to-source references his master makes really have no worldly source (in this world).

So Luo Binghe, in his quest to become as knowledgeable of all things about his shizun and keep up with him as well as possible, and maybe also put down some arguments he's overheard once and for all, eventually gets annoyed because CLEARLY there is a wealth of cultural knowledge contemporary to Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua that didn't survive to his own generation. His efforts at hunting down all the sources being referenced and origins of certain philosophical ideas or terminology keep coming up empty in certain departments. He's been over the entire QJP library with a fine-tooth comb, but QJP focuses on things pertaining to cultivation, history, and knowledge. Obviously, there are gaps. The archives are unlikely to keep pop cultural references and lowbrow literature, and Luo Binghe begins to suspect (from what tastes his master seems to share with his shishu) that that is that actual source he's missing.

The trashy yellow books and romance literature of their generation! Bawdy poems and lewd artworks so on! Heck, that's probably even where the shared "code" (bad English) comes into play -- disciples are always trying to sneak forbidden material past their teachers and smuggle naughty books into the dormitories. Knowing Shizun and Shang Qinghua, Luo Binghe honestly wouldn't be surprised if the two of them were racketeering that shit in their own disciple days. Shang Qinghua acquiring materials, Shen Qingqiu acquiring buyers, both of them making their extra spending money off of secretly supplying Cang Qiong's population with contraband fiction and art.

Also, that would explain why both Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua get flustered and refuse to elaborate if someone asks them what this or that strange turn of phrase refers to. Shen Qingqiu has a very thin face for actually discussing erotica, and Shang Qinghua doesn't like being caught doing illegal shit.

Luo Binghe desperately needs access to trash lit that's older than he is. However, most of that stuff is not printed to last, and turning it up is like trying to find old Spirk zines without the internet.

Shang Qinghua, the obvious go-to source, also seems to not really have anything that old anymore (intimidating him is laughably easy, if he had anything he would have coughed it up by the second or third time Luo Binghe asked and frowned at the same time), and if Shen Qingqiu did have anything he wouldn't want to be questioned about it. Asking too much might even get it destroyed in an act of excessive embarrassment.

Which means there is just one other person Luo Binghe knows who might be able to lead him to some sources. One other person he is absolutely, 100% certain was extensively reading trashy literature around the same time that Shizun was a young man. Someone who would know where to go to even begin looking for it.

Luo Binghe is going to have to ask Tianlang Jun for help with something.

[notjuststardust]

One Piece Monster Trio: Calling them husband when you're only dating

A random drabble I thought of after seeing a tik tok of this random girl calling her boyfriend husband. Enjoy the firstfruits of my madness >:)

Monkey D. Luffy

-You say it in passing to some random guy while apologizing for Luffy causing a scene and Luffy doesn't even realize.

-You're just like, "Sorry, my husband is a little excited," and now he's just trying to figure when the wedding was and if he missed your anniversary or not.

-Man is gaslit so hard he forgets that you aren't even married and somehow all the townspeople are suddenly referring to you as "the straw hats wife"

-After all, just like he will be the Pirate King you will be his wife.

-Only gets brought up when some lady asks to see your ring and Luffy starts freaking out when you say you don't have it.

-"Did you lose it during the fight?!"

-Man is actually sweating until you assure him you didn't because YOU NEVER EVEN HAD ONE.

-"Well, do ya want one?" After some blushing and nodding he tears off the drawstring to his hat and ties that around your left ring finger as a placeholder.

-You better start introducing yourself as the Queen of the Pirates.

Roronoa Zoro

-Sanji was making some comment under his breath about why a goddess like you chose to be with human shrek and before Zoro could even rerack the barbell to argue you were already defending him, "Don't talk about my husband that way you overcooked spaghetti haired-"

-Zoro is so shocked by the word 'husband' leaving your mouth he doesn't even recognize that the sass you'd exuded was borrowed from his own insults to the cook. The barbell just drops clean onto his chest and hes fighting for dear life to get it off.

-You've never lifted a weight in your LIFE so Sanji has to help you save him.

-Right after Sanji's yelling, Zoro is so quiet. He's just staring at you like you've got 3 heads.

-"Great, you broke him!" You yell when Sanji sees the dumb awe on Zoro's face.

-"You did that yourself, my dear. Look at the dumb look on your husbands face-" Now you're blushing and stammering because you realized what you'd said thinking you'd offended the swordsman.

-"Not my husband-"

-"Yet." Theres the tiniest smile on Zoro's face when he says it.

-HES LOOKING DEAD AT YOU TOO WHICH IS MAKING SANJI AUDIBLY GAG.

-"If you don't die from a barbell first."

Blackleg Sanji

-He calls you wife all the time but he never expects you to try to get him back for it.

-He's literally in the middle of serving dinner when one day you just drop, "Yeah, my hubby's the best cook!" After some rando Luffy had invited on the ship starts glowing about the taste.

-He hits the deck.

-Literally.

-But also the edge of the table on the way down.

-Chopper actually thinks hes had a heart attack because this man went TACHYCARDIC.

-Wakes up with a concussion and the ability to speak fluent french.

-You know he wakes up and starts mumbling nonsense like, "mon cher je suis honoré d’être votre seul et unique!" (My dear, i'm honored to be your one and only).

-I haven't taken french in years so please correct me if you're fluent.

[cherienymphe]

There Will Be Blood

Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x Reader x Lady Margot Fenring

Summary: Knowing that you are too afraid to ever find yourself alone with the Harkonnen heir, Lady Margot secures his heart's desire for his celebration day.

warnings: Dub-Con (use of the voice), blood, knifeplay, choking, threesome, mentions of cannibalism, non canon ages, spoiler free

➥ banner by @vase-of-lilies 

⭑

“She looks almost good enough to eat,” were the words that reached your ears in that low timbre, head tilted as he gazed at you. “I don’t know whether to feed her to my darlings…”

The feeling of his finger underneath your chin was almost nonexistent as he tilted your head up. You were too anxious to look away—his reputation preceding him—and even if you wanted to, you couldn’t. You felt paralyzed, held captive by that dark blue gaze you swore was actually black as night in certain lighting.

“…or make her one of them.”

You swallowed at that, and you didn’t miss the way his eyes followed the subtle movement.

He was referring to his ‘pets’ as you knew he sometimes called them, the three strikingly beautiful Harkonnen women with an appetite for human flesh. The thought of being killed and fed to the women in question made your heart skip a beat…but the thought of being added to his harem made you shudder.

…and you couldn’t tell if the feeling was good or bad.

Hands slid over your shoulders from behind, making you shiver again, and your lashes fluttered at the feeling of soft lips grazing your throat. You faintly tried to remember how and why you ended up here, and you could only recall staring into enticing blue eyes. Her familiar face was all that stood out in your memory, features soft and lips curved into an even softer smile. With all of that being said though, you couldn’t remember your thought process behind following her perfect figure down the hall.

Lady Margot Fenring—golden-haired and willowy with that Bene Gesserit serene repose about her that you found subtly disturbing.

Usually.

In this moment, her calm disposition and quiet authority made your heart race. She was a comforting contrast to the man before you, his intense gaze and sharp features serving to make your imagination run wild with what he was capable of. He was so different from his brother, vastly so from his uncle, but he still possessed similarities with the two that made you nervous all the same.

Especially with his hand so close to your throat.

“This one isn’t for consumption.”

Her lips brushed your skin as her soft and even tone filled your ears.

“Not in the literal sense, at least…” mirth colored her voice at this remark. “I saw you watching her.”

Those words made your heart sink, and you were sure that the brief stab of fear you felt passed through your eyes.

Feyd-Rautha was psychotic. He was the kind of man that would kill someone solely because he felt like it. He had an animalistic stare that made alarm bells go off in your head, telling you to never take your eyes off of him—to always keep him in your line of sight. He was the kind of man you couldn’t let your guard down around.

He was the kind of man you didn’t want watching you.

As if he could read your worrisome thoughts, a glint passed through the man’s eyes, and he leaned in closer. Not one to conceal his feelings in any situation, his expression twisted into one of amusement, a sight that made your hair stand on end. Those soft hands slid over your shoulders and down your arms, gently caressing them.

Don’t be afraid.

A voice that didn’t sound like your own filled your mind, its influence settling into your bones and deep into the crevices of your subconscious. You felt yourself relax, felt the tension leaving you, and her soft hum had you leaning back into her chest. You didn’t want to be afraid, and you felt confident in repeating those words to yourself, confirming that there was nothing to be afraid of.

“You want her,” her fingers grazed your jaw, briefly touching his own. “…but she fears you far too much to ever find yourself alone with her.”

“I like them afraid.”

Those words made you blink, your lips parting at the sincerity in them. By the way he held your gaze, you could tell he wanted you to know he meant it, but that voice in your mind assured you that you had nothing to be afraid of. Not when he leaned in closer, and not when his hand traveled from your chin and down to circle your neck.

“You get too excited,” the blonde woman steadily told him, a hint of authority in her voice. “You would kill her.”

Her fingers on your jaw forced you to turn your head, making you look at her, and when she kissed you, you welcomed it. It was a comforting kiss, one that relaxed you further, and you couldn’t help but to close your eyes and bask in the feel of her lips touching yours. Your skin grew warm, and you touched her arm.

“I’m here to keep you in line.”

She spoke the words into your mouth, but she wasn’t talking to you.

Feyd-Rautha’s lack of protest or anger at her words gave you the impression that you were being included in something that already existed. He let her kiss you, the heat of his gaze burning a hole into the side of your face as she drew you in closer. The feeling in your chest was both light and heavy, and you felt as if you couldn’t get close enough to her.

Lady Margot had an aura about her that you’d always been ensnared by—the way she talked, the way she swayed when she walked, and especially the way those attentive eyes watched everyone and everything so closely. She smelled fresh and crisp, an airy feminine aroma filling your nose as her hand rested on the side of your throat, Feyd-Rautha’s arm long falling back at his side.

When she pulled away, only the tip of her nose lightly touched yours.

“He wants you to touch him.”

Her voice reverberated in your mind, influencing your thoughts and movements, and you found yourself turning to look at the man in question. Your advance was slow, hesitant in reaching out to place your hands on the black fabric of his shirt. He visibly shuddered at the contact, and despite the fact that you were clothed, you felt vulnerable and naked underneath his intense gaze.

“This one is fragile, Feyd-Rautha,” amusement danced around her words. “You have to play gentle if you want to keep her.”

Almost as if he wanted to defy her, his hand quickly wrapped itself around your throat, forcing you closer. Your heart stuttered at the action, and despite that brief bout of adrenaline—your body’s way of telling you that you were in danger—that influential voice in your mind told you that you were safe. Your breathing was shallow as you looked at him with wide eyes.

His own gaze traveled over your form, his perusal slow and his hand tightening. You reached up, grabbing his arm, and the noise of protest he made was a cross between a grunt and a hum. His nose touched yours, and when he spoke again, it sounded like there was gravel in his throat.

“Do you fear me?”

The thought settled in your mind that he wanted you to say yes, and so you did, barely whispering it.

That pleased him, and he presented you with a terrifying smile. His fingers were pressing into the skin of your neck, and his blue gaze studied yours, eyes flickering between your own. There was a carnal excitement there that told you he lusted for more than just your body, and when you winced at the grip he had on your throat, it only grew.

“Good,” he praised in a guttural tone.

Kissing Feyd-Rautha was nothing like kissing Lady Margot.

It wasn’t meant to be a gentle and comforting experience, but instead one that forced you to face every one of your discomforts head on. His teeth pressing into your lips, his hand cutting off your airway, the lack of warning as he pushed you back. Every action was designed to make you squirm, and despite that feeling, heat still settled in the pit of your stomach as his weight pressed down on you.

Lady Margot’s gentle touch made your leg tingle. She was pulling on it, making room for him while her other hand grabbed your arm, and you shuddered at the feel of her lips kissing a path to your wrist. The contrast in their efforts made your head spin, and Feyd-Rautha’s constricting grip on your throat only disappeared when his lips replaced his hand instead.

Pain blossomed beneath where his teeth were, and you gasped, chest arching up into his involuntarily. His hands on your frame were tense, like he wanted to twist and tear you apart, but something disallowed him from doing so. When he kissed you again, the pain in your neck lingered, flaring from spot to spot, and you didn’t doubt that bruises would be there.

When you were forced to sit up, the soft and thin fabric of your dress was pulled at by two sets of hands. A feminine touch loosened the back, her lips following behind where his once were, soothing the irritated skin there. He, on the other hand, was yanking your sleeves down, and the sound of a slight tear or two in the fabric could be heard.

The cold air hit you for half a second before a warm mouth covered a sensitive bud before it even had time to harden. The sharp feeling of his teeth pressing into the skin of your breast made you shy away, but with Lady Margot at your back, you had nowhere to go. Her lips along your neck and shoulder was a welcomed feeling, a soothing contrast against the pain the Harkonnen man was inflicting. It almost faded to the background completely when her hand found its way between your thighs.

Your lips parted, and your lashes fluttered, and you couldn’t help but to lift your hips. Her fingers were soft against your skin, the appendages sliding between your folds and stroking you. One of your hands reached down to rest on hers, riding along with her ministrations while the other reached up to grip the arm of the man intent on breaking skin.

The feel of Lady Margot’s fingers pushing into you and curving against your walls made you circle your hips.  The pain and pleasure were starting to blend together so closely that you couldn’t tell what you liked and didn’t like. His teeth scraping down your torso had your breath hitching, and the Bene Gesserit woman behind you hummed when you clenched around her fingers. It sounded like a noise of approval, and when she spoke, her tone and words confirmed that suspicion.

“She likes that,” she mused, her free hand coming up to run over your chest. “She’s starting to like the pain.”

She was right.

Almost as if that triggered something in him, the blue-eyed man relinquished control completely, fingers digging into the tops of your thighs as he pulled you forward. The action caused you to collapse, your head resting in Lady Margot’s lap as he finished removing your dress, the fabric falling around you in tatters. There was only a brief bout of alarm when he brandished a small blade from his waist.

There was that voice again, settling and taking up residence in your mind, telling you not to be afraid.

Pain flared along your skin in a singular path as the tip of the blade just barely grazed your flesh. It was so sharp that a thin line of blood followed the weapon’s descent, but it was gone as quickly as it came as his tongue slipped past his lips, ingesting your essence and soothing that sting. Your eyes closed, and you welcomed her kiss as she leaned over.

Feyd-Rautha’s own lips kissed you too…just before he sank his teeth into your skin.

You were given bites and nips between the kisses—along your hip and along your thighs and eventually in between your thighs. Your hips lifted, and your back arched, and you unintentionally bit Lady Margot’s lip. She smiled into the kiss, and you knew that she could taste the same blood you felt on your own tongue.

Feyd-Rautha was a mad man between your legs, tongue and teeth playing with you, the blade in his hand pressed against your thigh. The soles of your feet pressed into the bed, wanting to both run away from the pain and run towards it. Every shallow cut made into your skin was soothed by his tongue almost immediately, and you wanted to be embarrassed by how wet their combined ministrations made you.

When you found yourself on your knees, the blade at your throat and his naked chest at your back, you could see the way Lady Margot’s gaze held his. Her face was serene and thoughtful, almost as if she were having a silent conversation with the man at your back. The sharpness of his blade drew blood, and by the way his free hand smeared it along your skin, you knew that it turned him on.

“Gentle,” she reminded him, standing.

He wasn’t so gentle when he pushed his way into you, making you sharply inhale, but the blade remained light against your throat. You tilted your head back, both to relieve the sting and because the feel of his cock sliding into you had you submitting. His own deep grunts were right at your ear, and his bloody hand trailed down your frame to roughly knead into your skin.

The sound of skin slapping against skin made your ears twitch, and when he roughly pushed you down with a hand on your back, your fingers twisted into the sheets of the luxurious bed. Your head was bowed, forehead grazing the fabric as he fucked you, power and aggression driving every thrust. Lady Margot was right, you were afraid of the Baron’s sole heir, positive that you’d never find yourself alone with him before today.

Even if you doubted it, you would have never guessed this is how he’d choose to spend his birthday celebration. While fireworks were exploding and food and drink was being passed around, Feyd-Rautha was spending his time burying his cock in you. His fingers twisted painfully into your hair, making you yelp, and the sound only made him fuck you harder.

“Are you still afraid of me?” he roughly asked you, and when you started to nod, he pushed your face down into the bed.

Understanding what he wanted, you managed to force out a small affirmation.

“Yes,” you choked out.

The low laugh that he let out was menacing, and he was aggressive in pushing you onto your back. His hand was tight when it found a home on your throat, pinning you in place as he snapped his hips into yours. The force was enough to make you wince, and his brutal treatment didn’t go unnoticed, the blonde woman coming up behind the man.

Her gaze found yours, holding it as she whispered something into his ear that yours weren’t privy to. Her beautiful hands came around to slide along his smooth chest, her lips still brushing against his ear. Her lips traveled to his throat as he pulled away from you, pulling out and allowing the other woman to guide him to sit back.

He was uncharacteristically still as he watched her take his place.

“Come.”

Her simple command was impossible to disobey, and you sat up, doing as she said. With a hand on the back of your head, she guided you towards the man, an imposing urge to touch him descending over you. With your hands sliding along his lithe frame, her fingers applied pressure, and your head lowered.

Your lips stretched around him as you tasted his cock, tongue flat and cheeks hollowed. Feminine hands were gliding over your curves, fingers eventually sinking into you again. You closed your eyes at the feel, relaxing and heart calming at the 180 from Feyd-Rautha’s earlier brutality. At the thought of him, you peeled your eyes open, looking up at him from beneath your lashes.

It amazed you, how he could be so dominant and forceful with you but so obedient and almost subdued with her. With one look into his eyes or the feel of her hands against his skin, he became a momentarily tamed wild animal. The feral glint in his eyes couldn’t be done away with, the desire to cause pain coloring his features whenever his gaze connected with yours.

As Lady Margot gently curved her fingers into you, you found yourself craving that feeling again.

Your neck and torso still faintly stung from where his blade had drawn blood, and you got the feeling that your skin was already starting to bruise from where he’d tightly held you. You recalled her earlier words, about her presence serving to keep him in line, and your mind lingered on the aches you felt from what he’d done while she was here. You wondered what would be in store for you should he ever get you completely alone.

You suspected that she was right.

He would get too excited…and probably kill you.

When his lips curved into a small smirk, you knew then that your thoughts were written on your face—along with your fear. His hand on your head made you nervous, and still you slid your mouth up and down the length of him. You could feel yourself dripping down your thighs, Lady Margot’s soft ministrations stroking that fire deep within your stomach. It made you moan around him, and if possible, you swore Feyd-Rautha’s eyes darkened at both the sound and feel.

“She would make a well-behaved pet,” he haughtily said.

The way he stared into your eyes told you that was meant more so for you than her. They both shifted, leaning in and you heard them kiss above your head.

“I knew that you would enjoy her,” the blonde woman confidently said, her even tone unable to hide her satisfaction. “Provided you don’t break her.”

When she pulled away, she pulled away from you too, and with a hand on your chin, she lifted your head. She guided you to kiss him, her own lips resting against your cheek, her soft voice telling you not to be afraid. You wanted to listen, your own mind agreeing, and so you welcomed the pain when blood bloomed along your lips.

Feyd-Rautha enjoyed the taste, roughly grabbing your hands and pinning them behind you at the small of your back. He didn’t tell you to lie down, instead making you, and you winced at the feel of your hands trapped beneath your own body. His lips were stained red when he pulled away, and your mouth parted into an ‘O’ shape when the head of his cock started to stretch you out again.

You were completely powerless—at his mercy—and you cried out at the rough curve of his hips. He looked vicious above you, focused not on chasing his high but on seeing the register of pain on your face instead. That was what brought him pleasure, watching you wince and squirm beneath him and his intense thrusts. If his hand wasn’t on your throat then it was yanking your hair or digging into the soft flesh of your breast.

He seemed to like the sight of marking you up whether it be with his teeth or his hand…or that blade.

He held it against your throat while he fucked you, sometimes sliding the flat part down your chest, blue eyes transfixed by the metal pressing against your skin. Occasionally he’d turn it, the edge grazing you, making a cut just shallow enough and then he’d lean down to taste you. Spots of his own flesh was marred by your blood, and he obviously didn’t care as he smeared it over both of you with every movement.

With your hands free, you clutched onto the sheets, eyes rolling into the back of your head. His hands were painfully tight on your waist, keeping your hips lifted for him as he thrust into you. Lady Margot—silently and appreciatively watching—slid her hands along the bed to grab your hands. Her fingers intertwined with your own, holding them down, and you welcomed the gentle kisses she placed on your wrists and then your cheek before finally your lips.

The man above you made a noise of disapproval, and after some time, she granted him what he wanted, his own rough lips replacing hers. You panted into the kiss, tasting your blood on his lips, and you felt almost delirious. It was a constant cycle of pain and pleasure that had you chasing him when he started to pull away. The laugh he gave at the sight told you his thoughts on the matter, but you didn’t care how much power you were giving him.

His gaze suddenly lifted, and his thrusts didn’t stop as he faced Lady Margot. You felt hypnotized as you watched them, eyes focused on the way Feyd-Rautha stuck out his tongue, elongating it in a way you didn’t think possible. The willowy woman had let you go, taking his own blade and dragging the edge of it down his tongue.

It was then that you realized the man inside of you enjoyed pain almost as much as he liked inflicting it.

You wondered if that was why he was so submissive towards her, why she could order him around and why she was so confident that she could keep him in line. You were unsurprised when they kissed, the brutal man kissing you after a while when they finally parted. You swore that his blood tasted completely different from your own.

A thin layer of sweat coated your skin, and you felt almost completely spent. You were sure that the celebration of his birth was still being had while he chose to celebrate between your legs. His strength and the knowledge of how easily he could snuff you out played a part in the way you clenched around his cock. You could feel that you were close—and so could he.

His hand completely obstructed your breathing, and you could only hold onto his wrist. With every thrust into your cunt, the heat in the pit of your stomach grew. Your heart was racing, and your eyes struggled to remain open, and your toes curled as he stretched you around him. A noise of appreciation reached your ears, and for a moment you wondered if he was going to snap your neck.

He could do it. The strength in his hand told you so and that he would probably barely exert himself doing so. You felt your neck strain underneath his fingers, and your nails drew blood over his skin. You knew he liked that because he kissed you again. Your shallow breaths hit his face, and just as you were on the verge of passing out, you came.

…and his hold loosened.

The rush of air into your lungs coinciding with the release of pressure inside of you made your world momentarily go dark. All you could feel was the snug fit of his cock—and the way your walls fluttered around it—and his teeth against your lip. You could faintly feel softer hands on your face, and a choked moan left your lips his hips continued to connect with yours.

His hand tightened again just as your vision started to return to you, and the smile you were met with was chilling. So turned on by watching you straddle death, the fearsome fighter came too but much more violently. He practically growled above you, the noise so animalistic and inhumane sounding. Your neck almost cracked beneath the force of his hand, and the overstimulation from the feel of his cock made you want to clench your thighs together.

You were struggling to breathe when he stilled, chest burning, and when he roughly let you go—pushing himself away from you—you gasped for air. You turned on your side, sweaty and bloody and feeling like you couldn’t breathe deep enough. A hand smoothed along the side of your face—a feminine hand—and when you looked up, the blue-eyed man was cleaning his blade with a crooked smile, terrifying teeth on display.

“I think I will keep this one.”

[dandylovesturtles]

Made myself emotional over the “Leo and Donnie chose to be twins” headcanon.

———

“By the way, it’s Leo and Donnie’s birthday next Thursday. You’re coming, right?”

Draxum looked up from his work organizing next week’s lunch schedule to look at Michelangelo, sitting on the counter and swinging his feet. Celebrating individual birthdays wasn’t a thing that the yokai did, but Draxum had been forced to accept that the boys could not be dissuaded from this human tradition. He’d been to two birthday parties now, for Michelangelo and Raphael respectively, eating cake and presenting them with some small trinket he purchased.

He’d known that he would have to go to more birthday parties at some point. But he wasn’t expecting two at once.

“Why on the same day? I can’t imagine the blue one wanting to share.” Actually, he couldn’t imagine Donatello wanting to share, either.

“Oh,” said Michelangelo with a laugh. “That’s ‘cause they’re twins!”

Draxum stared at him. “Twins? What kind of nonsense is that?”

Mikey tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

“They’re entirely different species, for starters,” Draxum pointed out.

“I mean, we all are, but we’re still brothers.”

“Yes, by virtue of your shared DNA donor and the circumstances of your raising.” Draxum waved that off. “But “twins” refers to a situation where two children are born at once, especially as the result of a split of a fertilized egg. Which is absolutely impossible in the case of Leonardo and Donatello. Even if I were to be charitable and simply consider them “twins” for having the same hatch day, I can tell you they do not.”

“Uh, okay,” said Michelangelo, unimpressed. “But they’ve always been twins, so I don’t think it matters to them.”

“Why not? I would think it would matter to Donatello especially, since he claims to be scientifically minded.”

Michelangelo laughed. “Not everything is about science, Barry. Not even to Donnie.”

“Then his decisions about when to apply science and when not to are inconsistent and confusing.”

“Well, it’s their birthday, so they get to pick.”

“I am certain that is not how birthdays work.”

“It’s how it works for us!” Michelangelo slipped off the counter. “We’ll see you on Thursday, right? It’ll mean a lot to them if you come!”

Draxum was fairly sure Leonardo in particular would prefer he didn’t, but that didn’t matter. Now he had a mission: he had to correct this strange incongruence.

“Yes, I will be there.”

“Yay!” cheered Michelangelo. “Okay, see ya Dad!”

He squeezed Draxum around the waist on his way out. Draxum was finding he didn’t mind that as much as he used to.

———

Leonardo and Donatello’s party was just as loud and obnoxious as the other two. Blue and purple decorations covered every inch of the old subway station, strange music blared from unseen speakers, and a horrendous amount of junk food was spread out over a table. It was the same group of people present today as there ever was, the eclectic mix of humans and yokai that the boys considered family, but it felt like a crowd three times the size with the amount of noise being made.

Draxum stood off on his own for most of it, his slim birthday present already delivered to the table stacked with gifts. He’d been a little shocked when Donatello and then Leonardo came by to say hello, since he’d been prepared to be ignored by both of them. It was… nice, maybe, that they did that. Even if Leonardo just wanted to make jokes at his expense.

For most of the party, the two birthday boys seemed to be competing with each other for attention. In fact, the longer he took it all in, the whole affair seemed like a clash of ideas. The purple decorations were neat and tidy, geometric patterns and hard angles. The blue decorations were whimsical, uncoordinated, and haphazard, and there were places it seemed someone had deliberately covered up some of the purple with the blue. Leonardo wanted to play rock music and Donatello wanted to play techno. The cake was a mess because they’d both requested different themes for the decorations. There were arguments between the two of them every few minutes, and according to the human girl April this was “typical behavior.”

But why? They weren’t really twins. They didn’t have to share this day.

Hopefully Draxum’s plan would fix all this nonsense.

When it was time for gifts, Leonardo loudly declared that he was going first, sparking an argument. They squabbled for a bit before agreeing to play rock-paper-scissors, which was apparently what they did every year.

Leonardo won the game and celebrated obnoxiously while Donatello scowled at him. Then he gestured at the gift table - which Draxum, in his efforts to stay out of the main throng, was closest to.

“Hey, Barry! Grab me a gift! Make it a good one.”

Draxum sighed but reached over to take one of the blue packages, checking the tag to make sure it was for Leonardo. “This one is… to Leo from Donnie,” he read.

“Oh no, not that one. Our presents to each other are always last.”

“Because they always get sappy about it,” said April with a laugh.

“Do not!” yelled Leonardo at the same time Donatello hissed, “You take that back!”

“Uh, yeah you do, and you know I’m right.”

Draxum ignored the petty argument to look back at the gift table. If they weren’t going to be satisfied with his choice, he might as well give them his own gift.

He lifted it, in its sensible brown packaging, off the table and handed it over.

“Why not start with this? It’s to both of you from me.”

“Both of us at once?” asked Leonardo. “Oh man, you’re throwing off our whole system, Barry.”

“Yes, but he’s giving it to you,” Donatello pointed out, “which means my turn is still next.”

“Uh, no, if it’s for both of us then it counts for both of us, which means it comes back around to me!”

“Ooooh no, you do not get to loophole your way into opening two presents in a row-“

“Ahem!” Draxum loudly cleared his throat, getting their attention. “Would you please just open it?”

“Yikes,” said Leonardo. “Touchy.”

“Some people just don’t understand the sanctity of opening birthday gifts,” said Donatello with a sniff. But he leaned in to watch as Leonardo tore off the wrapping paper and opened the box.

They were both silent for a moment, staring at it. Then Leonardo said, “Uh, no offense, Barry, but what is this?”

“It’s a… scientific study on how twins are formed during the gestational period,” said Donatello, pulling the paper clipped thesis from the box. “Oh, there are more in here… Also about twins.”

“Uh…” Leonardo blinked at it, clearly bewildered. Well, he was always a bit slow. “Thanks…? I think?”

“Not that I don’t appreciate the scientific literature,” said Donatello, “but this isn’t really my area of study and Leo does better with training manuals and textbooks than research papers.” He looked up at Draxum. “Is there something about this we aren’t getting?”

“Yes there is,” said Draxum, sweeping his hand around at the entire party. “I am here to correct your mistaken assumption that you are twins.”

The room fell silent. Donatello set the paper back in the box, staring at him. Leonardo’s brow creased in anger.

“We are twins, though,” he said, setting the box aside like it was burning him.

“No, you are not. There is simply no way that the two of you could be twins. It is biologically impossible.”

“You think that I’m so stupid I don’t know that?” Donatello demanded, getting up from the chair he was sitting in. “Are you doubting my intelligence?”

“Yes, if you honestly think you are twins with him, then I am.”

“Uhhh, Draxum,” said Michelangelo quickly, stepping between him and the now furious Donatello, “this was a… funny joke, but you can stop now-“

“This is not a joke. I am simply explaining the facts.”

“Yeah, well,” now Leonardo was on his feet, too, “the facts are that me and Donnie are twins. Always have been, always will be.”

“You are not,” Draxum insisted. “And given what I have seen here today, I’d think you’d both be relieved, since you clearly don’t enjoy being twins!”

Both boys looked like they’d just been slapped in the face. The rest of the room had gone completely silent, like everyone was collectively holding their breath.

Donatello broke first, turning on his heel and marching out of the room, his hands balled into fists and his shoulders hunched up as high as they could go. “Dee!” called Leonardo, and then he was scurrying off after him. There was the sound of a heavy door slamming, then silence.

It didn’t last long.

“Draxum!” roared the rat, actually getting up from his chair to get in Draxum’s face. “You come in here and upset my boys on their own birthday!?”

“Seriously not cool, Drax,” said the human April. Cassandra shook her head in shared disappointment behind her.

Draxum pushed Lou Jitsu back, scowling at his accusers. “I was only explaining reality! This is really the rat’s fault for letting their delusion go on so long.”

“Delusion!?”

“Barry!”

“Rat!?”

“Ooookay,” said Raphael suddenly, stepping his way into the middle of the fray and starting to herd Draxum back toward the exit. “That’s enough of that for now.”

“I am simply trying to explain-“

“Trust me, hoss, you wanna step away from this one,” said Raphael, and his tone was angry but surprisingly measured. “Come on.”

They retreated to the sewer tunnels outside the subway station. The smell was much worse out here, and Draxum wrinkled his nose.

“Alright.” Raphael heaved a sigh, folding his arms. “So here’s the deal. Mikey likes you, and I guess I kinda do too, so I’m gonna try to help you before you completely torpedo your chances with the rest of the guys. Which, you kinda did already, but maybe we can turn it around.”

“I still don’t understand why they’re so upset,” said Draxum. “Surely it was obvious they aren’t twins.”

“Uh, yeah, they know they aren’t twins by bio-whatever,” agreed Raphael. “They ain’t stupid.”

“Hmm.” Draxum turned up his nose. “Donatello isn’t stupid, maybe.”

“Leo ain’t stupid, either, he just pretends like it.” Raphael pinched his brow. “Listen, that isn’t the point - the point is they already know they didn’t come from the same egg or hatch the same day or whatever. They’re just twins anyway.”

“But how? That doesn’t make sense!”

Raphael sighed again. “Alright, look. Dad didn’t know when we hatched, right? But we all wanted birthday parties like we saw on TV, so he let us pick.”

“Yes. And for some reason Leonardo and Donatello chose the same day.” Draxum could figure that much out on his own.

Raphael nodded. “I was the biggest and oldest, and Mikey was the littlest and youngest, and Leo and Donnie were just kinda sandwiched in the middle. I think at first they just wanted a thing. Somethin’ that set them apart from me and Mikey, ya know?”

“Not really,” said Draxum. Raphael glared at him, and he sighed. “But go on.”

“So they picked the same birthday and called themselves twins. I think Pops just so glad they were actually getting along that he agreed to it. And I think he thought once we got to the day, and they realized they were really gonna have to share it, they’d both demand their own day instead. I know I thought that was gonna happen.” He smiled at the memory. “But the day came, and… they fussed the whole time just like they do now. Arguing about what kind of cake they wanted and who got to open their present first. But they didn’t ask to split. They kept it the same day, and they kept calling each other twins and it just stuck, until we didn’t question it anymore.”

“…They are both stubborn,” Draxum pointed out, and Raphael laughed once.

“Yeah, guess they are. But that’s not what this is.” Raphael shrugged. “They chose each other back then. Maybe at first it was just to have a thing, but then it became real. And every single year they keep choosing each other. That’s why they’re twins.”

Choosing each other as twins… Draxum furrowed his brow. “It’s not normally a choice,” he pointed out finally.

“Yeah, well, our family doesn’t get a lot of choices, so just let ‘em have this one, okay?”

“…Fine,” Draxum finally relented. “As long as it’s noted that this is purely a social designation, and not a biological one.”

“Uh, sure, whatever.” Raphael rolled his eyes. “Glad we got that cleared up, though. Think you can come back to the party and behave?”

Draxum wrinkled his nose at that phrasing, but nodded. “Yes. I will not bring it up again.”

“Good!” Raphael’s smile abruptly transitioned into something much more dangerous. “Because if you make my little brothers upset on their birthday again, I’ll remind you what it was like when we were enemies.”

Then the smile was back. “Now let’s go in!”

He walked back to the subway station, leaving Draxum to follow on his own. Draxum couldn’t help but sigh wistfully.

Raphael would have made a great general for his army.

———

The boys had already returned by the time Draxum got back. They were opening more gifts, and he noted they were wearing hoodies now - though they had apparently decided to swap their signature colors. They were smiling and chattering, and any hint of their earlier upset was gone.

Until Draxum stepped into their line of sight, and both of them went rigid, wary of him.

Apparently just talking to the red one was not enough. Draxum would have to do more. What a pain.

But he didn’t want the boys to hate him. So he sighed and launched into it.

“I… am sorry. I shouldn’t have said you aren’t twins.”

The boys looked surprised at that; slowly, their posture loosened back up.

“And… to make up for my present, I will… take the two of you wherever you want to go in the Hidden City.” The next words were painful, and he ground them out. “My treat.”

Leonardo and Donatello shifted their gaze from him to each other. They were silent, but it didn’t seem like they needed to talk to have a conversation.

Then they finally looked back at Draxum, slow grins growing over both their faces.

Eerily matching, very evil grins.

“Oh,” said Leonardo, happily menacing. “I think we can think of something.”

“I concur,” said Donatello in the exact same tone.

Oh, thought Draxum. Maybe they really are twins.

[rashomonss]

Readjusting

context: just a few somewhat angsty headcanons I have for when MC and Solomon return to the present after everything, enjoy!!

warnings: this does contain nightbringer spoilers

the past changes people

MC will often become more hesitant to talk to or even engage with the brothers. Due to being treated as an attendant in the past they now are used to it, so whenever one of the brothers tries to engage with them they find it hard to sit still or listen to said brother for long periods of time without feeling out of place.

MC will often mix up the fact that they are an exchange student rather than an attendant. When Diavolo claims that he wants MC to feel comfortable as an exchange student MC will respond with something along the lines of how they don’t need much because they’re the brothers attendant. Which in return gets a few confusing stares from others.

MC still carries out some of their duties as an attendant unconsciously. Such as keeping track of the brother’s schedules, events, student council meetings, etc. The brothers don’t mind at first however what they do find unpleasant is the fact MC always follows behind them instead of right beside them like they used too. This doesn’t register until one of them says something to MC, which they in turn respond with “I always follow behind all seven of you”. Which makes their hearts sink.

Still focusing on the attendant duties, MC will still continue to carry out anything asked of them without much of a fight. Since they were so used to carrying out such elaborate things when watching over the brothers in the past they are now used to doing such tasks for them. Most of the time this will confuse most of the brothers because MC is usually more vocal with their opinion on something.

MC will unconsciously be a bit harsher and stricter on the brothers than they usually were. Since being their attendant MC had to keep each of them on a tight leash so they wouldn’t get into trouble. So now in the present if they were to start fighting MC would be the first to show up to scold them instead of Lucifer.

MC will just straight up be petty with Lucifer for a while. Due to the things he said while they were in the past they still haven’t completely forgiven him. So whenever Lucifer mentions his “family”, MC finds themselves saying some remark along the lines of “well that doesn’t include me” or “just the seven of you I know. I leave you all alone” is enough to confuse and hurt the hell out of him. MC knows that Lucifer does really care for them in this timeline, but they can’t help it. His words really did hurt them deeply for awhile.

On another topic of MC’s attitude, Diavolo soon realizes that they are much more formal with him. The cute nickname Dia was dropped and he was always referred to by a title now. When Diavolo questioned them about formality MC simply explained that the past Barbatos didn’t like them referring to Diavolo in such a manner.

MC is now more vigilant around Satan, Belphegor and Barbatos, each for different reasons.

Satan is one that worries MC the most because they became used to having to deal with his violent outbursts and destructive episodes. So when Satan gets angry in the present MC will step in front of him and the brothers separating them. Satan soon grows confused when MC prepares a spell to restrain him.

Belphegor doesn’t worry MC as much as the other two, but after he found out they were a human in the past and tried to kill them again in response MC had to remain vigilant. They still do whenever they are alone with him. Which in turn makes the youngest guilty about the past.

Barbatos is someone MC keeps Solomon away from at all costs. After all MC was used to Barbatos teleporting the sorcerer around from place to place. It did become concerning when Solomon would show up later and later each time he came home. So to avoid that MC would make themselves and Solomon avoid the butler at all costs. However the present butler soon finds this behavior hurtful when MC constantly declines his offer to come over. In the end MC has a hard time remembering that this isn’t the past Barbatos.

Many soon noticed the strong bond MC now has with Solomon and of course they all become jealous. At first they noticed how MC would go to him for little things, or just prefer to be around him more, but when they asked about moving in with him rather than staying in the House of Lamentation it threw everyone for a loop. It made it even worse when MC said they’ll be there to help the brothers every morning like usual. They wanted MC to realize that they’re an exchange student not an attendant.

Many also notice how reliant they are on Solomon for certain things. Sometimes MC just needs Solomons presence in a room to be able to feel comfortable. If not MC will then become slightly annoyed or fidgety.

Solomon becomes more protective over MC without even realizing it. If he believes one of the brothers are being too bothersome to MC he will step in and whisk them away.

Solomon finds it easier to steal MC’s attention away now. Before when he would try and drag them away from the brothers, or even try and steal their attention for just a second it always failed. However with how close they both became in the past, if Solomon interrupts a conversation MC is having with the brothers MC finds themselves listening to him a bit more than the brother they were speaking with.

MC is much more reckless and blunt with their decision making now. Before they were a bit more collected with their thoughts. However being in the past made their impulsive decision making become a habit. Thus causing the brothers to sometimes question MC methods.

MC would often question the brothers as to why they weren’t in their demon forms. They suppose they just got used to seeing them in those outfits for so long now it became the norm.