#because am i worrying the right amount of worry

[jinnie-ret]

cover me

poly!stray kids x fem reader

genre: angst, fluff at the end

content warnings: stress from uni/work

word count: 1.5k

summary: money, work, school. it was only a matter of time before the boys would see her crumble, and be there to pick up the pieces

requested: @straykidsnerd255

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Every time she tried to take one step forward, something would ultimately knock her back twice as far. Finally having a very generously paid job as an intern at a big company was serving her well, yet with the return of going back to university, finding a work-school balance was becoming difficult.

Truly, that was the hardest thing. She had great people around her, those being her uni friends or her loving boyfriends, the renowned Kpop band, Stray Kids. The way they cared for her and each other with such strong morals and support meant that surely it would be easy to confide in them.

Not always, especially in this case.

Other times she would be thankful for the fact that her partners all had a longer practice at the company, not to their own detriment of course, but because it gave her more time to get herself together and paint on a calm picture of 'I'm definitely not struggling right now and on the brink of my second breakdown of the day'.

However, this time she really needed them. The stress had amounted to such a level that she felt it right through to her bones, and so she found herself crying over the smallest things, which in turn let out the release of her biggest pain.

"Stupid shoes, why aren't they organised, there's too many," she sniffled, sat on her knees by the front door as she began to cry at shoes. Yes, shoes. Her boyfriends' shoes to be specific. She would have thought at least Seungmin would have berated the others for their lack of organisation at this point but even his were out of place.

"They didn't even match them back up," she cried, and more tears spilled out, "oh, why am I even crying right now?"

Sometimes being in such a state meant that it was hard to understand your own feelings, your thoughts far too occupied with the wants of other people to be able to manage the basic needs of your own.

Eventually she gave up on the shoes and wiped her tears, walking slowly over to the sofa and letting her body fall into it with a soft thump. She tugged a soft velvety blanket over herself, one that Felix probably picked out due to it's plush exterior, and instinctively cocooned herself. Her heart felt heavy, her eyes hot and burning as the tears kept falling. All it took was a reminder on her phone for a work assignment, and a uni assignment, to trigger a sob to catch her throat.

"Too much," she sobbed to herself, trying to muffle the sounds even though there was no one else to hear them, "it's too much."

She was wrong. Not about her feelings, gosh, no, but the fact that she thought she was alone.

"Hey, hey, what's going on?" Hyunjin was crouched down right in front of her trembling form, almost hidden if it wasn't for the blanketed lump that had been shaking so much it couldn't have been natural.

His hand brushed her hair back and his thumb rubbed under her eyes, catching the tears that seemed to keep appearing. Hyunjin watched on in deep concern, just like their other boyfriends did the more they realised something was wrong.

"What? When, when did you get back?" she gulped down her sobs, or attempted to, even though her words still came out messily. She sat up, the blanket falling off her shoulders and resting around her hips.

"Don't worry about that, love. Just tell us what's going on, yeah? What's wrong?" Chan held her against him immediately, taking a seat ñext to her. The only time his arm that was wrapped around her moved away, was to let Jeongin lift the blanket back up to keep her warm.

"I don't know," she sniffed indignantly, coughing lightly through her cries when she tried to clear her throat. Her arm pressed against the lower half of her face.

"You're getting yourself in a state now, come on, move your arm, you know you don't have to hold back in front of us," Seungmin sighed sadly, seeing his girlfriend so stressed. He pulled her arm towards her lap which he was sat in front of, holding her hand with one of his own and the other rubbing her knee.

"Thanks," she said sarcastically at first, until hearing the rest of what he had to say and tilting her head up to the ceiling to blink away the rest of her tears.

Chan pressed a kiss against her forehead, and everyone was around her to offer comfort, Felix and Changbin in particular wanting to jump out of their seats on the adjacent sofa to take all the pain away.

"What's got you to upset, jagi?" Jisung pouted, his own eyes glistening as he saw how upset you were.

"It's stupid, really," she began, rubbing at her eyes roughly, Hyunjin subsequently tutting at her and pulling her other hand away that Seungmin wasn't occupying.

"We're not doing that, jagi," Minho shook his head, brows furrowed, looking down at the floor with his hands folded together, "if it's upset you, it's not stupid."

"Exactly, please just tell us, you know we just want to help, that's all," Felix quickly pitched in, face crumpled sadly much like your own.

"There's just too much going on really. You know? Like, oh-" she had to cut herself off when her voice cracked with emotion again.

"You're ok, take your time," Jeongin gave a small smile and nod to reassure her.

"We're listening, baby," Changbin's raspy voice rung out.

"I've got a good job right? Like, it pays so well, but now with going back to uni it's just like I don't have time for anything. I-i'm having to squeeze in hours where I don't have them because my boss won't help me work around my timetable," she explained, the clashing of two parts of her life and time issues being what was clearly causing so much turmoil.

"I'm sorry, darling," Chan tugged her closer to him, a frown on his face.

"Don't be sorry, not your fault, is it? I'm just so tired, I'm exhausted," she admitted, pressing her lips together and taking a deep breath in order to not cry again.

"We'll help you figure this out, ok?" Hyunjin leant his head against her shoulder.

"Ok, ok," she let out a deep breath and nodded.

"I think you need to focus on uni, love. If work can't meet you in the middle then, it's hard," Seungmin trailed off, not wanting to fully leave her in the dark but not wanting to be too blunt.

"What do you think, jagi?" Jisung wondered, curled up against Minho, one leg hanging over the older's lap.

"I don't know. I don't even wanna make any decisions right now," she shook her head tiredly, blinking a couple times.

"That's understandable, baby, how about we just relax for now, ok?" Changbin suggested.

"And if anything else is upsetting you, please tell us," Chan huffed with a knowing smile.

"Ok, promise," she grinned.

₊˚⊹♡

She must have fallen asleep without realising, as she found herself waking up to Jeongin and Felix giggling over something on the latter's phone.

"What's going on?" she murmured tiredly, pressing her face deeper into... Jisung's chest, it took one whiff of his cologne to be able to tell it was him.

"Had a good sleep then, hmm?" Minho poked her forehead, slow blinking at her.

"Mm, yeah," she nodded, "Lixie, Innie, what's funny?"

The two froze, looking at her a bit guiltily.

"Well, umm, you know we have that camera in the hallway, just in case for security, like if someone broke in or-" Jeongin began to ramble awkwardly,

"I know, yeah," she nods, adjusting her head against Jisung's chest as he loosely keeps an arm around her, securing her to him.

"We're actually sorry for laughing, babe, it's just... You were crying over our shoes earlier?" Felix can't even keep eye contact as he explains.

Jisung stifles a laugh and so she slaps his chest playfully through her mild embarrassment, making him yell out dramatically.

"What's Sungie done now?" Hyunjin asks as he flops onto the sofa, entering the room again after leaving Chan, Seungmin and Changbin to managing the cooking.

"It's more about what our jagi did," Minho teases, looking at her with a smug grin.

"Guys, I was stressed, leave me aloneeee," she huffed, but it didn't stop the light laughter that filled the room knowing that she wasn't completely upset about it.

"Sorry, but..." Jeongin chuckles again, "the way you throw the shoes away from you is so funny!"

"What did our shoes do to you?!" Felix laughed again as he watched the video on replay.

"They smelt bad," she grinned happily, teasing them back as revenge, "specifically Ji's."

"Yah!"

Jisung gave her a noogie, keeping her trapped in his arms. He couldn't let her discredit him like that.

"Sorry! Sorry! Hahaha!"

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[balkanradfem]

So, it's chestnut foraging season again! And I'm having some moral struggles about it. Let's discuss.

Few years back, while roaming the forest, I found an excellent chestnut foraging stuff; it was so good I found I could gather 10 kg of chestnuts a day if I appeared there at the brink of dawn. I gifted a lot of chestnuts to the plant lady, who was impressed, and asked me to show her where I found them. I took her to the spot, and she said 'we could sell these. I can put out an add'. And that sounded daunting, but I said okay!

At first she was doing the administrative part of work, finding customers and managing the communications, and I was collecting and delivering chestnuts, but then she grew tired of it, so I took over completely, made my own add and was able to sell them just fine.

Then, the market prices of all food, including chestnuts, rose high up, as in, doubled. The plant lady urged me to up the price of my chestnuts, because they were now dirt cheap in comparison to anything else on the market, and I thought about it, and decided, no. I hate rising in prices, this little chestnut thing is the only price I can control, and I can decide for it to stay the same. It was a bit insane business-wise, because I am impoverished, but I am not letting poverty control my moral standing! The price stayed the same.

The year after, prices rose again, and I still remained stubborn, and the plant lady was trying to convince me that I am not doing a good deed; chestnuts are a luxury item, they're not being bought by people in poverty who would benefit from cheap food, what I'm doing is only going to attract resellers and other people will capitalize on my work. To this I said, well, I'm refusing to sell any quantity over 10kg to a single person, so they won't be able to capitalize that much. And I knew people who I was taking the chestnuts to were just taking them home to their families, or even asked me to split them in multiple bags to give to their neighbours and cousins. So I kept the price low.

This year, I'm sickly, having financial issues that are worse than before, still having pain in my arm and can't walk for long, and I thought, ugh. Maybe I should up the prices a little and it would make my life slightly easier. It would still be the cheapest thing on the market but I'd be less stressed. But then I went into the forest, and I forgot all of my struggles. It felt so good to hunt around for the first fallen chestnuts. I climbed a hill. I discovered a new secret spot. I found a chicken-of-the-woods mushroom. I saw a salamander. Tiniest frog ever was letting me see her. And I got a message from someone who bought chestnuts from me last year, asking if I had them again. And I didn't have whatever it takes to tell this person I've upped the price. I was like 'yeah I can get the chestnuts to you. They still cost the same amount'.

So then I had to tell the plant lady my decision, and she is SO disappointed. Her vibe was like 'you are putting yourself in situation where only resellers will benefit from this!' and I'm laughing like, don't worry about it, I'm at peace with my decision. But now I feel bad because she thinks I'm dumb T_T.

And I don't know what the right decision is. I hate capitalism, I hate the idea that the price of something can change even though it's the same item, it hasn't changed, it isn't worth more, it doesn't cost me more to gather it, so just because the state of economy is worse, and the world is going to shit, now it's going to cost more? But it is also ridiculous that on the market, the price of the chestnuts is not only double, but 4 times of what I sell them for. It feels so silly! How are people selling them for such a high price? But from their standpoint, it is me who is silly, for giving them away so cheaply.

So I'm going to see what is your collective opinion! I'm curious.

oh and btw what I'm doing is 100% illegal, we're discussing the morality of me doing illegal black market shit. Other foragers are doing it illegally too so we're equals.

[gamergirl-niffler]

Reassuring || Teen!Aizawa x Teen!Reader

A/N: This is my entry for the Weekly Challenge! I did my best T_T

It was a beautiful sunny day with the right amount of clouds, making the sun less aggressive.

You groaned when the clouds moved, and suddenly you were hit with sun right into your eyes. Shaking your head you squinted, following your father, a prohero off another patrol.

“Great job, kiddo! As always, you did great! I sent you to the U.A for a reason,” He praised.

It was your second year in the U.A so it meant one thing - Work Study during summer vacation. It was fun, but you wished stuff were different.

Your father looked at you worriedly because of lack of any type of answer or comment from you. “So… how are you holding up, kid? It's been just two days. Despite your eagerness to work, I can't help but worry.”

As the question dropped the sun was again covered by clouds casting a shadow over the two of you. You lowered your head, trying to hold back the tears while recalling the tragic events.

Just two days ago, you and your father were summoned as a support shortly after a big villain attack. For your father it was nothing - day as every day of work, but for you, it was the moment you found out about your best friend Oboro Shirakumo’s cruel faith. 

At least your other friends; Aizawa and Yamade were safe and whole. None of you took it lightly because how could you? Your friend was dead, and all you three could do now was support each other.

“I am… fine,” You nodded, looking at your father. Of course, you did your best to hide your feelings.

He didn't buy it, but at the same time he didn't want to push you nor argue with you. Ruffling your hair, he pulled you closer. “Fine. Let's say I believe you, kiddo. How about your… oh! Speaking about the devil. Ain't it one of your pals?”

You looked in the direction he was looking, and it was indeed Yamada himself.

“You are done for today so go to him,” Your father said, so you did just, quickly greeting your friend. Poor Hizashi looked tired, completely not like his usual self. Which was worrisome.

“Hey, how are you holding up?” You asked.

Hizashi looked away, rubbing the back of his neck. “Guess, I am doing as best as I can.”

“Same.” You agreed with him. It was indeed a difficult situation to take in, especially after just two days. 

“I am worried about Shota, ya know. He was never much of a talker, but now it's even worse,” Yamada explained. “I could go to him, but you know I am “too loud” for him so it will be better for you to go to him.”

You weren't even a little surprised that Shota had the biggest trouble with taking it all in. He was there when it happened. 

“I will change my clothes and go to his place to talk with him. I’ll inform you how it went after.”

“That sounds like a plan!” He agreed with you.

---------------------------

Refreshed and dressed in your civilian clothes, you knocked at the door to Shota’s place. After a brief moment, his mother opened the door.

The talk with her was short and of course contained a mandatory question of ‘how are you holding up?’

When the chat was over, you made your way to Shota’s room. As a good guest and friend you knocked at the door first, but there was no answer so you allowed yourself inside.

“I didn't say you come in, mom,” Shota muttered, not looking away from the book. He was sitting on the floor of his room with his back resting against the bed.

You chuckled.

“Well Hi to you too Sho.”

He looked at you. “Oh, it's you. Hey.”

“What's ya reading?” You asked and sat next to him, taking a look at the pages.

Shota only shook his head.

“At this point… I don't even know what I am reading. I am just trying to distract myself.”

You looked at him and reached over to gently brush hair out of his face. He looked tired and of course sad. “Let me guess… Hizashi sent you, huh?” Shota asked, nuzzling to your hand just a little.

“That too, but I was worried about you myself,” You explained. “Everyone asks me that so now it's my turn; how are you holding up?”

“Amazing! I was there and I couldn't do anything. Maybe if I wasn't myself, MAYBE it all could go way different. Maybe he would be alive,” he growled.

You blinked, looking at him.

“Shota, you didn't know this would happen. No matter what, this was way beyond your control.”

“I am useless. There was a moment I thought I could actually do something, especially after winning with that big villain, but look, I can't even keep my own friend alive,” He argued with you. “I am useless! Powerless.”

“Shota!” You snapped, grabbing his cheeks and making him look at you. “Stop. Stop saying that. Oboro's death wasn't your fault nor does it mean you are powerless,” you told him, tearing up. “I miss him too, I wish he was still with us but… he is not, and he won't ever again be, and I don't blame you or anyone for it.”

Shota lowered his head, and you moved your hand through his hair, ruffling them a little. “Now all we can do is work hard and, well, start this planned agency.”

He sighed deeply and nodded. “Guess you are right. I miss him.”

You nodded, wiping your eyes. “I miss him too but it will get better.”

“Let's hope you are right,” Shota said quietly, pushing hair behind your ear. “I will never forget you saying that.”

[infiniteko]

When you lose interest in determining "real" from "not-real", you start to see all as SELF

by Being_is_IT / Twitter

our note: "The Mind" = the EFFECT of a Mind.

Q: While I agree with all you've said I noticed two things. One, sometimes in a dream you do recall some daytime experience. In a lucid dream you may even be aware of everything you are going to do that day. So if we move away from the not being real part of reality, is it possible.

Answer: Please notice, the so-called "day-time experience" recalled in a dream is not actual day-time experience. Although it seems that events happened in a dream are real, nothing happened in a dream is actual or is substantial. The Mind is like a comparison mechanism, always trying to distinguish categories and to establish determination.

It constantly compares episodes with episodes to try to determine similarities. Even for the present moment, although the so-called "day-time experience" you think you are experiencing right now seems very real, It is not actual and not substantial at all. There is no way to establish determinacy in experiencing. Day-time experience and dream-time experience has no actual difference, they are all dreamlike. Please note, I didn't define experiencing to be "a dream".

I only say they are all *dreamlike*. Although there seem to be stories happening in experiencing, nothing can be affirmed at all. You worried about "moving away from the not real part of reality". The effect of the Mind has no way to escape from the effect of the Mind itself. So "moving away" is not possible. Whatever the Mind sees seems all real to the Mind because the effect of the Mind is like a self-reification mechanism.

The consumer of the interpretation from the Mind is the Mind itself. This is a self-hallucinating loop seemingly spinning forever. Although the Mind always seems to see infinite amount of parts, there are not actual parts. The Mind always see one part is real, the other part is not-real. Such distinguishment is an illusion. The effect of the Mind does not really have any capability to establish a reference of "real-ness" to determine "not-real".

So, trying to tell "real" from "not-real" is impossible. Even if the Mind keep touting determinations after determinations, they are all illusory conclusions. Fortunately, YOU are infinitely greater than and different from being the effect of the Mind. You can keep noticing experiences, the more you notice experience, the less you take the effect of the Mind seriously. The more you notice experience, the less you are entrapped in distinguishing "real" from "non-real". There is absolutely no way to judge "real" and to judge "not-real".

Actuality doesn't have a concept of "real" versus "not-real". The tendency of the Mind to determine "real" versus "not-real" is purely an illusory mechanism. When you lose interest in determining "real" from "not-real", you start to see all as SELF, regardless what may seem like from moment to moment. Let me recap, YOU are not actually the Mind. YOU don't need to stop the functioning of the Mind just like you don't need to stop dreaming.

All you need is discovering that whatever the Mind narrates are insubstantial. Then, you can relax and laugh and not taking the narratives from the Mind seriously. More profoundly, The Mind is not actually such a thing called "the Mind". "The Mind" is a concept projected by the Mind. See? this sentence may not make any sense to you because I am at brink of being speechless.

[empressofthelibrary]

Well, today was absolutely rotten, but food does make me feel less like exploding from the stress and disappointment. I'm never gonna not be mad that self-maintenance actually, y'know, works.

But I can be mad and grateful at the same time. I'm complicated like that.

[shireduchess]

;; ☁️

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Shit bro first hormone appointment in two days hold my hand

[crabussy]

I love you education system!!! come here so I can give you a biiiig kiss WITH MY RAZOR SHARP TEETH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH GNASH

[ultimateaclrecovery]

Had the single most uncomfortable conversation with my manager today.

He set a meeting for a follow up on my performance review so I was little worried going in but figured it was just a question or work thing to discuss.

But then I get in there and he says it’s a personal thing and starts telling me about the company can monitor all our computer usage . And I panicked. Because I am absolutely not a good little worker and spend more time than I’m sure is acceptable doing non work things on my computer. Including shit like Reddit (and researching vacations and a lot of financial and life admin tasks too). So I had a brief terrifying moment where I thought for sure I was getting fired.

And then he kept going about how they monitor for certain keywords and one of those is anything to do with abusive relationships.

And because I google the shit out of every doubt I’ve ever had about anything in my life I had looked up signs of emotionally abusive relationships. When I did I found that the boy was not in fact doing any of the things listed and in fact was more often than not doing the direct opposite. But of course then I broke up with him last Friday

And so my manager goes on to ask me if I’m okay and if I need anything and over been so unprepared to have a conversation in my life. Just went full deer in the headlights. I think I muttered something about it being proactive research and everything was fine and nothing acute and I wasn’t in any danger. But it had to be wildly unconvincing. But also how the hell is anyone supposed to respond to that??

Like we all know that the company can monitor our usage but it’s still vary jarring to be told about and surprise deeply personal conversations are nobody’s forte. But also how is that supposed to help anyone?? I can’t imagine a scenario where a surprise meeting like that could result in anyone actually reaching out for help. Certainly not in that moment and I feel like it could even make someone less likely to utilize company resources for an issue like that knowing it might get back to their manager.

And like my manager is nice and generally a good manager but I just cannot imagine a scenario where going to him about a relationship problem would feel like a good idea.

He’s a supportive person but even so it felt very much so like, this got flagged by the company so I’m having the required conversation about it, and it did leave me feeling vaguely like I was in trouble.

And then there’s the worst case scenario where someone isn’t safe to look up say hotlines or resources at home or on their own phone and now they’re scared to do it at work too.

I just can’t imagine a scenario where a clearly company mandated meeting trigger by a word search leads to someone reaching out to work for support.

So anyway that was my overwhelming day

[brainrotzora]

these things are always happening to the ones i like :////////

anyways the lighting in this dungeon is so nice

didn't get any good pics bc i was too busy dungeoning but so pretty...best dungeon music so far goes to snowcloak though btw

[lightbulb-warning]

i like keeping all my wips open because otherwise they go straight into "i forgor"-ville (population? everything im not currently staring at.)

my laptop fucking HATES it though. very unsupportive of you, bestie. wdym you can't handle the weight of 12 different overly ambitious projects at once?? massive you problem, you inanimate object.

[doctorweebmd]

look i think the thing people forget is that My Hero Academia is not a typical shounen. Its purposeful. Its well written. Horikoshi does not DO throw away plot-lines. He doesn't ignore plot holes. Over the past 10 years he has proven, time and time and TIME again that this is an incredibly thought out, narrative-driven brilliant story that has taken popular tropes and preconceptions and turned them on their head.

Have a little faith.

[buysomecheese]

It's fucked up that barely anything has changed yet I feel so guilty

[sick-as-a-dog]

×

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

i'm well aware i'm the pathetic one and i need to get over it but i don't know what else to do i honestly have almost nothing in my entire life worth living for i just have my delusions and the people i love and when they're gone i will only be here to imagine that people still love me

[gaytobymeres]

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