#tbh him saying hes aro yet says he loves me feels like when a close friend keeps saying they dont have any friends while youre right there

[sick-as-a-dog]

×

[lalaloobzy]

Random aspec fictional character HCs

Matthew Cuthbert (Anne With an E)

Asexual + aromantic

Lived his whole life unmarried like his sister but, unlike Marilla, never had any relationships in the past. Doesn't reciprocate Jeannie's feelings and tells her his love for his adopted daughter (Anne) is the only love he has room for. Was TERRIFIED when Anne tried to set him up with Jeannie.

*(this is specific to AWAE but I think it can apply to book Matthew as well)

Selah Summers (Selah and the Spades)

Asexual + aromantic

Tbh this one might be canon (or at least heavily implied). Never has been in a relationship. Admits to Paloma that she's just never been interested in anyone in a romantic or sexual way.

Monkey D. Luffy (One Piece)

Asexual + aromantic

Just doesn't seem remotely interested in romance or sex. Gets grossed out/ annoyed when people kiss in front of him.

*(this is specific to the anime, idk about the manga or live action adaptation)

**(I am not caught up on the anime, this may turn out to be incorrect)

Willie Jack Sampson (Reservation Dogs)

Asexual + aromantic

Never had a love interest or showed attraction in the show (to the best of my knowledge. If she did, I missed it). Also, THIS OUTFIT SPECIFICALLY. Her hoodie is aroace colors and her socks look like a mix of the asexual flag and the aromantic flag.

Lucy Wells (Harlots)

Grey asexual/ greysexual (+possibly aromantic? Maybe demiromantic? I haven't decided yet)

Born into prostitution but HATES sex. Avoids it as much as she can and by the last season finds a way to do her job without having to have sex. The reason I said grey ace is because she DOES seem sexually attracted to Fallon after some time of being with him (I think? I was a little confused about how she felt tbh).

Birdy (Birdy)

Asexual + demiromantic

Everyone in his life thinks it's weird that he's so interested in birds and not girls. Admits to Al he doesn't see the appeal of sex at all. Very reluctant to go to prom with Doris and had no idea what to do when she parked the car and offered him sex. I can see him developing romantic feelings after close friendship (like with Al) which is why I think he's demiromantic.

Bilbo AND Frodo Baggins (The Hobbit/ The Lord of the Rings)

Both asexual (+ maybe demiromantic, though I can also see Bilbo as aro)

Both remained bachelors all their lives. Bilbo lived alone and later with Frodo who was like an adopted son. Frodo lives for a long time with Sam and Sam's wife Rosie. I personally think that Sam and Frodo are in a romantic relationship, while Sam and Rosie are in a sexual relationship. Frodo seems content with this arrangement which is why I believe he's ace.

Ted Buckland (Scrubs)

Asexual

Simply because of the part where Carla says "I don't want any MAN filming me giving birth unless he's completely asexual" and then Ted walks in with a camera and Carla smiles and says "oh hi Ted!". (I think this was a poorly-aged joke about him being "ugly" more than anything but I'm still claiming it). Also when he sings the duet with Gooch and Gooch says "I want to screw you" while Ted says "I want to kiss you.

Fabian Rutter (House of Anubis)

Asexual

He's nerdy and into space (I know this is a stereotype but representation is scarce I take anything I can get... you get it right). Also his relationship with Nina is very innocent and I can't see him developing sexual attraction even when he becomes an adult.

Dirk Gently and Bart Curlish (Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency)

Dirk- Asexual

Bart- Aromantic

Neither of them have love interests in the show (although Bart/Ken may have been implied) so this is just how I felt about the characters personally. I think Dirk definitely had a crush on Todd and is gay but I don't think he gets sexual attraction. Bart is the opposite. I can see her developing sexual attractions and feelings but being repulsed by kissing/ dating etc.

*(this is specific to DGHDA, idk about any other versions of these characters)

Anybody feel free to add thoughts and your personal aspec character hcs <3

[jankwritten]

i just saw somebody do this and it made me want to do it as well. For me, these headcanons are largely subject to the AU that I'm writing or the version of canon that I'm working with (PJO versus HoO versus ToA etc. etc.) so some of these may contradict!!!! and that's okay baby we love them anyway. the idea is from @/s3okj (I'm not entirely sure if they're okay with being tagged). Also this got really long so I'm putting the actual HC under the cut SORRY

(some of) my lgbt pjo/hoo headcanons

Percy: bisexual almost always, though he also fluctuates between being aromantic/asexual or some blend therein. I also tend to hc that he forms really close, non-romantic bonds with people that are often misconstrued as romantic (Grover, Piper, Nico, etc. etc.) but that he is polyam which makes it fun when he's trying to explain who is his boyfriend/girlfriend versus his nonromantic partner.

He uses he/him pronouns more often than not, but sometimes he winds up with he/they pronouns (or even he/they/she pronouns) in AUs where he leaves camp for some time to himself and meets some mortals. I think that if asked, he would describe himself as genderqueer/genderfluid. I do usually headcanon him as AMAB.

Annabeth: I almost always hc her as biromantic asexual. That is in part because I hc the Athena cabin in general to have a predilection for asexuality ngl. I HC that she doesn't necessarily identify as polyam, but that she is okay with being in a polya relationship, she just only tends to keep maybe one or two romantic partners herself in that case.

This one is actually very new in that I've not used it in any writing yet, but now I hc that she is a trans girl and uses she/her pronouns.

Grover: TBH I don't write him as much as I should, considering. I would say he's...biromantic but heterosexual? I think? That's kind of where I'm leaning, I think that he labels himself that way but that he's only really ever had a crush on one boy, and then he met Juniper and it was game over for him.

Again, I've never really written him, so I haven't had time to develop any "non-canon" HC for his gender. In my head he's a cis male who uses he/him pronouns.

Thalia: I love hc Thalia as aroace but with a tendency to form QPRs with people because of her feelings of being abandoned by her mom. I think that she cares really really deeply for people, but that she's never really experienced what people always describe as "love".

Thalia in my mind is very "just call me whatever you want to call me", but she DOES like when people pull out the non-she pronouns. I hc her as a cis female.

Nico: My boy! Nico to me is homosexual but biromantic. sometimes he's biromantic asexual (can you see a trend with these so far hm it's almost like I ~project~) but more often than not he's allo. I think he just loves so much sometimes that he doesn't really know what to do with himself (he's polyam in my HC as well which I think he'd be scared of), not to mention the fact that he wasn't really raised in a way that let him explore identities etc. I think that he doesn't realize he's biromantic because he didn't realise that the way he experiences romantic attraction could be different from the way he experiences sexuality (I also HC that either Will or Percy is the one who taught him the language to differentiate). OH AND HE'S ALMOST ALWAYS DEMISEXUAL!!! I nearly forgot about that one.

He is the one who flip flops most consistently between being trans and cis, it really genuinely just comes down to the story I'm telling at the time. He goes by he/him no matter what, he finds they/them pronouns uncomfortable (for himself) but is more than happy to help his friends experiment with pronouns.

Will: now THIS BOY. is truly the most unpredictable he could be really just any thing in any given story (except straight, normally he's not straight). I think that he really enjoys the blanket term "queer" and feels very comfortable with that as his label. He's almost never aro/ace, but he'd be comfortable in a relationship with an ace person. I do hc him as polyam sometimes.

He is almost always a trans man in my writing, even if it's not explicitly or implicitly stated. He uses he/they pronouns, though the "they" days are pretty rare and he will tell people if that's his preferred pronoun that day. He also has an ATROCIOUS sense of fashion (that's not a gender/sexuality hc I just think it's funny to dunk on him).

Piper: Another very recent addition to my average HC, but I do see her as biromantic. I think that she'd identify as asexual, but that she's like "Eh" about it, like she's fine either way, she just uses the label kind of as a way to say "I probably won't ever initiate this kind of thing". I also HC that she doesn't realize that she's ace until after her relationship with Jason. I do also think she has a preference for women, but is okay dating men too.

I get very she/they lesbian vibes from Piper. She identifies as nonbinary and LOVES playing with fashion as a means to express herself. I think that she and Percy are fucking killer at coming up with GNC outfits for one another.

Jason: oh, another one of my BOYS okay. So Jason is another one of those ones that kind of fluctuates a lot depending on the story I'm telling. I think I'd say that like Nico, he's homosexual but biromantic, but with WAY more of a penchant towards aro/ace vibes. He's almost always demisexual, and I think he struggles a lot with his attraction to women - I think that he'd feel like a horrible person for a while after he figures out that he's romantically but not sexually attracted to women, because he gets it in his head that that means he's misogynistic/inherently abusive somehow. I tend to HC that he's always known that he was attracted to men but he's always ASSUMED that he was attracted to women as well, and that's where his views of himself get challenged the most, in his relationship with Piper. I also hc him as polyam, but very selectively so - he would only be okay with dating a select few people. He wouldn't mind if his partner had other partners, though.

For a long time Jason was just a cis he/him male in my head, but recently I've been persuaded to the HC that he's trans. I think that it's another thing he's just always known about himself though, like ever since he was a little kid he's always known that he's a boy. Most of the time when I write him he's still cis, but in more of my recent stuff (and hockey AU) he's trans.

Frank: Again, I don't really write Frank as much as I should, considering. I think that he's never really put much thought to his identity, but that he wouldn't necessarily call himself straight either. He's not necessarily asexual, but he's not entirely not, either, and it's kind of the same for his romantic attraction - he's not necessarily into people, but at the same time, he does on occasion "catch feelings" for people (like Leo or Hazel). I think that he's very comfortable existing in his definitively grey-area. I think when someone asks what he is, he says, "I dunno," shrugs, and moves on.

I get cis male he/him vibes, but again, I haven't written much of his character, so that could change. I do think the idea of him identifying as agender could be interesting, like maybe sometimes when he shifts animal forms he's not a male animal and he feels the same way when he's in his human form. That could be interesting.

Leo: here's a fucking doozy. Leo is the most homophobic bisexual guy you will ever meet /hj he's like. So unaware of his attraction to men that he circles around to being weird and an asshole about it, like he's trying so hard to not see that part of himself that he shits on attraction to males in general, all while drooling over his best friend's biceps on the reg. So I DO think that he's bisexual (sometimes he's even just flat out gay) but it would take a pretty drastic thing to happen for him to realize it.

This dude made attack helicopter jokes until Jason or Nico dropped it on him that he's trans one day fr fr. Leo is such that eighth grade bully kind of vibe in my head when it comes to sexuality and gender, he's the kid who's soooo repressed and in the closet that he lashes out at any hint of the LGBT just so people will never attempt to associate it with him. I do think that once he gets his head out of his ass about it, he would identify with he/him pronouns (and privately use it/its pronouns with Festus, though I feel like that's more of him being a downer on himself and removing his own humanness on the days when he's feeling particularly Disconnected from people, ala the Tism. This is not to say that I view it/its pronouns as dehumanizing, I just think that that's how Leo would use them against himself, does that make sense?). So yeah, Leo's an asshole cis male he/him "I don't use pronouns" typa guy /j.

Hazel: I think that she's pretty solidly straight and allo in my mind, but she's also the kind of person who is VERY close to her female friends, to the point that it's sometimes misconstrued as attraction. I think that she's just a very physically affectionate, friendly kind of person and that that reads, in some situations, like she's coming on to people. I do think that's she's very well read on LGBT stuff, and that she kind of was even before Nico came out to her, like I feel as if during her time at Camp Jupiter no matter how limited it was, she discovered some myths with LGBT topics and it FASCINATED her.

She would experiment with pronouns all the time, but I think that she's, at the end of the day, a cis she/her female. I do like to think she's comfortable with any pronouns though, and will sometimes introduce herself with he/him pronouns around kids he suspects might be trans.

Reyna: Reyna is yet ANOTHER character I don't do enough with. I think that she's very firmly aro/ace but that she's constantly at war with herself over the aro part of it, because she experience very very deep platonic bonds with people, like Jason. She's convinced that that is romantic love, even though if anyone asked if she wanted to marry Jason/kiss Jason etc. etc. she'd immediately say no. I think she would eventually settle on idenifying as an asexual lesbian and then just never date anybody ever.

For some reason, I do see Reyna as trans. I think that maybe she didn't realize until on Circe's island or something (i can't remember enough of her canonical past rn to really piece together a proper headcanon) but that she is a trans female who uses she/they pronouns.

Rachel: I guess I kind of have no HC for Rachels sexuality? I'd say ace, because of the whole oracle thing, but I also believe that that was just a copout for Riordan to not have to pursue a love triangle with her anymore so fuck that at the same time. I just think that Rachel is Rachel and she's doing whatever the hell she wants to in that funky cave of hers.

I can see her being genderfluid for some reason, maybe the whole artsy side we see during the canonical books. I just like genderfluid characters alright, sue me.

[rainbowvamp]

9. love triangle

Oh love triangles. 

I’m going to be honest, I don’t understand traditional love triangles anymore. Once I was introduced to Polyamory as a concept, I just didn’t understand them, so… how about instead of writing about a love triangle, we write about a triad. 

Which triad? Oh which triad? There are so many to choose from! Merwaincelots, I’m saving something up for Merwaincelot week. I want to talk about Merwencelot. 

Gods I love Merwencelot. The three of them standing together before Lancelot’s little knight’s trial? It means everything to me! Their little interactions as Gwen is getting ready to make him a little knight’s outfit?! Lancelot asking Merlin if they’re together! I can’t stand it! I could burst with my love for this triad.

Ik, Arthur is supposed to be Gwen’s great love or whatever, but never once in my life have I cared about what is canon less than I do about Arthur’s canon. 

Gwen brushes on both Merlin and Lancelot canonically. Lancelot crushes on Gwen canonically. If you want a love triangle, how about Lancelot and Gwen are Together and pining for Merlin. How about Gwen and Lancelot sitting together and talking about how they got together, reminiscing a year or so later (nothing bad happened, Lancelot became a knight and never left Camelot), and Lancelot is like “yeah, lol, I thought you and Merlin were together when we first met, but when I asked he said no.” And Gwen is like “I only wish we had been together. Tbh, I still fancy him. Just a bit.” Because they have the secure sort of relationship where she can say that and Lancelot would not freak out about it because he’s a Genuinely Good Guy. 

And Lancelot’s like, “Actually, kind of same.” 

And then they have this little secret shared between them about how they both have a little crush on Merlin, and Merlin is absolutely oblivious. They start leaving him little gifts, and he things “aww, my friends are so nice.” And they’re like, “… yes. We are so nice.” And they do not correct him because they are his friends and they are nice.

And Merlin never develops feelings for them, because aro, but he does love them a whole lot, and so he just… moves in with them one day. “Are you sure I’m not imposing?” 

“No, never!” They both say, and they are so so so happy! Gwen and Lancelot are married at this point, obviously, and he’s their housemate/bestfriend/secret crush. What could go wrong? 

And nothing goes wrong, really. Merlin is happy to be so near his friends. He does magically openly in their home without fear of being walked in on at any point. He sleeps in a separate bed for a while and then the winter gets really really bad and Lancelot very gallantly offers to sleep in the middle of the bed so Merlin can share their warmth (as though this is any real hardship to him or his wife). 

Merlin gratefully accepts because warming spells only last while he is awake and it is freaking cold!

Merlin curls up with his back against Lancelot and when he starts snoring Gwen and Lancelot share one soft kiss because they’re just so glad that he is close to them.

They share the bed for a couple more nights through harsh winters and Lancelot wakes up with Merlin curled around him on the third morning. Gwen giggles about it and Lancelot and Merlin are both blushing, but it’s goodnatured embarrassment. It’s pretty clear that it’s not that big of a deal for Lancelot when they go about the morning and nothing has really changed except sometimes Lancelot smiles a little brighter and Merlin relaxes and doesn’t worry about it and goes to go do whatever he’s doing in th castle because at this point there’s no way he’s Arthur’s manservant, but I don’t care enough to come up with another thing for him to do. 

And Gwen and Lancelot gush about it and Gwen asks Lancelot if it was good, and he tells her it was just as nice as waking up with her in his arms! So cute! 

I know you’re thinking this doesn’t sound like a triad yet, but wait. Wait.

QPR. Queer platonic relationship. Merlin is like “when you guys have a kid, I call dibs on second dad.” And Merlin is really really really surprised when Lancelot and Gwen are both like “duh. What did you think you’d be?” 

It makes Merlin all glowey to think that his friends think he’s good enough to be a third parent to their maybe one day child. 

One time when Lancelot has to go off to battle or something, he asks Merlin, basically begs him, to look after Gwen if for any reason he can’t return. Merlin’s like “me? Are you sure?” And Lancelot gives him this look that he has obviously borrowed from Leon because it is very long suffering and says, “yes, you Merlin. You live in our house; you share our bed; who else would I trust with this?”

And Merlin kind of suddenly gets in. 

Oh, wow, okay, he’s kind of with them, but not with them. It’s complicated. He can see that it is very complicated. But it is a good complicated. He likes it.

They should have a conversation about it, but Lancelot is riding off to battle and so that’s probably not going to happen anytime soon. 

He and Gwen have an awkward hour or so before Merlin admits what’s bothering him and Gwen is like “Yeah, you’re just like an extension of us? We aren’t together, but… I mean, we sort of just fell into this really good thing and I know you don’t love us romantically, but you love us and you live with us and you’re a part of our family.”

Merlin promptly cries.

He hugs Gwen and he sleeps with his head on her shoulder.

Lancelot was right, because it just as nice as when Lancelot holds her. 

When Lancelot comes back from battle it is very late at night, Merlin and Gwen are already sleeping and it’s the whole “married man walks into his wife in another man’s arms” scenario, except he is so happy and when he starts to undress for bed Gwen wakes up and looks around a bit with half closed eyes and when she sees Lancelot she smiles and tells him just, “he’s ours.” And goes back to sleep.

Lancelot climbs in the bed beside Merlin instead of Gwen and holds them both.

Merlin wakes up in the night to complain that he’s hot and makes Lancelot go back to the middle. 

Lancelot climbs over him in high spirits and they all go back to sleep. 

The end. 

[shhhlikeme]

Getting Railed By Your Jealous Bf Ushijima After He Meets Your Childhood Ex (Who Wants You Back!)📱📞

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Birthday Event Req By @juminly :

So I was trying to request the following >.<: a NSFW Ushi drabble with f!reader. Ushi being triggered by jealousy or something that happened between f!reader and someone else? I initially wrote a few kinks and you could go ahead with whatever inspires you! [cockwarming, face-sitting, blowjob, mirror sex, bondage, dirty talk or anything else tbh... and soft!dom!ushi]

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A/N: I’m glad we overcame the technical difficulties for you to eventually send this req. hope you like it babes. I still have 2 more reqs from the event that shouldn’t take too long, thanks for being patient!

(NSFW 18+)

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Getting Railed By Your Jealous Bf Ushijima After He Meets Your Childhood Ex (Who Wants You Back!)📱📞

———————————

Sooooooooo

It’s canon that Ushi is a very calm and collected bf

Your friends love him 💕

Your pet loved him 💕

And your family loves him

Or that’s what Ushi always thought...... until tonight.

You and Toshi went to your parents house for an elegant middle aged people dinner party they were throwing with all their friends from the neighborhood

Ushijima wore a suit and everything 💜💜💜 you wore in a beautiful green dress and small heels to match him

CUTIES

The dinner party was great: 🎶 classy , bougie, ratchet extremely classy haha 💎

Until.......

your parent’s best friends’ son—Jeremy—happened to be home too.

Actually , he surprised everyone, crashing the party unexpectedly

And he brought gifts🤨.

Making a huge entrance that had everyone screaming in delight and hugging him, Ushijima couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of the way your family fawned over your childhood friend

Your parents can’t help but gush over Jeremy, because they’ve always wanted you to marry him and move with him to America to study cosmetic surgery

In high school you two dated a little, but then you realized it was all for the benefit of your parents and you agreed to break up but remained distant friends

You were good with that , as you thought it was a mutual decision

But it wasn’t. Jeremy truly had feelings for you and they hadn’t stopped just because he moved away and finished med school

“These are for you, Y/N.” Jeremy smoothly handed you a bouquet of your favourite type of flowers

You hadn’t the heart to tell him your favourite type had changed since high school :S

“And Wakatoshi-san, I didn’t know you would be here. Apologies.” He shook his hand.

Ushijima’s face was hard. “I don’t know why I would not be.....?” He answered with a slight eyebrow raise, squeezing Jeremy’s hand right back.

Hose down that fire Y/N

Anyway, even though your parents like Ushi a lot, it was pretty obvious to you AND your boyfriend that both them + Jeremy’s parents never gave up hope that you two would one day get back together

Not to mention They were as subtle as elephants in a library

They got the fucking photo album, showing everyone including Ushijima pictures of you and Jeremy bathing together as babies and kissing before prom

SMFH!

“Oh, you live in Beverly Hills, now?” Your mom’s eyes sparkled at Jeremy as he showed her pictures of his mansion on his phone. “Y/N looooves that part of Los Angeles, don’t you, honey?”

You noticed Ushijima stiffen. He was thinking about the love of his life, you, living in LA in Jeremy’s ugly mansion and it pissed this Ace off.

You nodded slowly, giving your mom a warning glance. “Sure, when I was 15.”

“Hey Jeremy, your father told me last weekend that you know of bunch of players on the LA Rams?”

Jeremy nodded proudly. “Yes sir. A lot of their wives and mothers are patients of mine, so the starting line up usually sends me Christmas cards with season passes and signed memorabilia so that I up their women on the waiting lists. Whenever you’re in America and you’d like to go see a game, just let me know.”

You rolled your eyes at how loud your father exclaimed in joy. “I keep telling you to call me YF/N!” He clapped. “And that’s a real sport right there. Football, Baseball, Soccer. Everything else is a joke to real men.” Your father finished.

“DAD!” You chastised, stomping your foot under the table.

“What—?”

You glowered are him. “In case you FORGOT.....Ushijima happens to be a professional volleyball player.”

Your dad had clearly forgotten, trying to blubber out an apology. Ushijima interrupted him, putting a hand on yours to settle his furious girlfriend.

“That’s quite alright, sir. I took no offence to it.” Ushi was used to other men not recognizing volleyball as a manly sport—he is very confident so that didn’t bother him. Rather, what stung was the fact that your father had never asked Toshi to call him by his first name before, and you two had been dating for three years.

To your dismay, Yours and Jeremys parents continued to say annoying shit like that all night

Jeremy loved it 🙄

You hated it, and defended your man at any chance you got

Ushijima stayed silent through it all, trying to calm you down actually.

Like I said he’s confident and not easily shaken

He only had had enough when the conversation changed to Jeremy’s explanation of liking his life and his career but it all never seeming good enough because of “the one that got away” and how “she seems happy in a relationship now” but “he would do anything to get her back”

Meanwhile he’s sneaking heartfelt glances at you 🤬🤬🤬🤢

Your mother and father were doting, looking at you and eachother as if to say “come onnnnn Y/N give him another chance”

Ushijima picked up on it all.

At one point during Jeremy’s explanation of ‘the one that got away’ you stuck your finger down your throat to make a gagging noise childishly

YOUR PARENTS WERE NOT HAPPY LMAO

anyway, at the end of the night you said bye to everyone..... and Jeremy asked to speak to you in private on the empty porch

Ushijima watched with a locked jaw by the car, leaning on it so he could stare openly

He was justly heated as he watched the conversation (but couldn’t hear anything) happening on the porch at night

He witnessed Jeremy write down what had to be his number and hold it in front of you for you to take

You hesitated, not sure if you should take it just to avoid causing more waves with both parents or to stomp on his foot

Luckily you didn’t need to do either because Ushijima had silently stormed over in a millisecond, whisking the paper from Jeremy’s hand, staring at his number written on the paper before crumbling it and throwing it over his shoulder.

“She doesn’t need it. Goodnight, Jeremy.”

Ushi grabbed your hand and walked you to the car angry af, you had to jog in your heels to keep up with him

This man was maaad and silent the whole way home, thinking about how everyone seems to be so sure that your ex could have given you a better life

He still held your hand the entire drive though, so clearly he wasn’t mad at you ❤️

He hated that everyone liked this Jeremy better all because he went down the conventional path to success:

Hadn’t Toshi paid for everything? Hadn’t Toshi massaged your feet? Hadn’t Toshi made you extremely happy? Hadn’t they seen how you were treated? Did you believe someone could do better?

Nonsense.

Toshi knew that he was the BEST boy and that no one could dare love you more or treat you better....... and you tended to agree

But Toshi needed to hear you say it.

He needed to feel it, too.

Upon arriving at yours & Toshi’s gorgeous modern home:

Toshi hurriedly closed the door

you hadn’t even fully taken off your heels yet when you felt your boyfriend pressed himself against you from behind, lifting your dress up and rubbing his long hard cock print on your pantied pussy lips as you bent over

You moaned and started to get wet immediately

“Take off the panties.” He ordered.

you did obviously 😭 almost tripped with how fast you did it

Horny bish lol

Your boyfriend then picked you up in his strong arms and walked a few steps into the foyer, placing you so your ass was sitting on the 7th marble stair. He knelt down in between your legs and spread them while you sat on the staircase

He squeezed your ass in his large hands and dove into your pussy with his lips then tongue, immediately skipping the gentle licks... and tongue fucking your entrance into oblivion

His tongue was wet, strong and needy and fuck you choked on your own cries

You threw your head back, already screaming Ushi’s name

“Mmm scream my name just like that. Let everyone hear who you belong to.” He paused tongue fucking you to order.

you shuddered as you felt his warm breath on your clit and Ushi expertly enclosed his mouth around your sopping cunt, French kissing your clit into his mouth and sucking on it like a tiny lollipop

You tugged on his hair and screamed his name louder, feeling your interior walls clench

Once your legs started shaking because you were about to fall over the edge, Ushi picked you up again, making you wrap your legs around his waist

Toshi bent down quickly to empty his pockets which consisted of his keys, wallet, and his phone, placing it where you were just sitting when he was eating you out

Ushiwaka pressed your back against the wall beside the staircase.....

He held your entire body weight with one arm as he leaned in to kiss your neck, using his other hand to unbuckle his belt and kick his pants off

When he was freed & nude, he asked you kindly if you were ready and once you nodded he put one of his feet on the sixth stair, the other on the fifth, then thrusted deep into your soaking heat

He wasted no time in pounding you into the wall, the slight pain of the hard wall and your boyfriend’s hard dick somehow heightening the pleasure factor

Ushijima took both of your wrists in his gigantic hand and locked them above your head as he gave you nice and deep thrusts the way you both like it

“So fucking wet. All because of me, correct? I’m the only one who makes your pussy drip like this.”

Your pussy answered:💧 💧💧💧💧💧💧💧

Your vaginal walls squeezed around his dick and you bit his shoulder because the pleasure disallowed you to speak and Ushi groaned out

“Say. This. Tight. Pussy. Is. Mine.” He grunted as he circled his hips a bit while pounding, his voice grave.

Toshi picked up the pace as your soaking wet walls clenched around him even more from his dirty talk.

“Say. Who. This. Pussy. Belongs. To. Beautiful.”

You were being fucked too well, you couldn’t speak, you could only moan ... like usual

But your boyfriend wasn’t having any of that tonight.

He let go of your captive wrists and held you with both hands again, stepping downstairs and stopping in front of the large mirror in your foyer, turning so that only you could see yourself poking over his large shoulder, along with your boyfriend’s fine juicy ass and back calf muscles 🤤

Ushi grabbed the back of your neck (not enough to hurt) but just enough so that your head was up and you were looking at yourself in the mirror. He began to fuck you again, getting nice and deep in your pussy as he made you bounce on his dick in his arms

“Are you seeing yourself?” He laughed sexily. “Getting dumb-fucked, Princess? Whose dick are you taking, Y/N?” Wakatoshi groaned as your pussy clenched around him even more. He could tell you were about to cum and that he wouldn’t be long after. But he needed to hear you say something first.

“Who is your first choice, Y/N? Who fucks you like this every night? Who’s dick can you never get enough of? Me? Or Him?”

In your stupor, you watched yourself in the mirror: Toshi’s delectable ass flexing as he pushed in and out of you, feeling his strong hand gripping your neck. You weren’t a big talker during sex and bae knew that, but the amazing feeling of this angry jealous sex was too much, his big dick felt too fucking good..... and one particularly hard thrust from him that grazed your g-spot in the besssst way gave you the energy to cry out;

“YOU, TOSH. FUCK THAT JEREMY, HE COULD NEVER FUCK ME LIKE YOU DO. OR TAKE CARE OF ME LIKE YOU DO. I DON’T WANT OR NEED ANYONE ELSE BUT YOU. YOU’RE THE BEST BOY WITH THE BEST DICK. NO ONE CAN EVEN C-COME CLOSE TO YOU. YOU —OH, OH, OH MY GOD, I’M GONNA—“

Wakatoshi let go of your neck, landing soft kisses on your neck while he returned to gripping your ass with both hands now, sliding you up and down his long, hard, soaking wet dick from your juices.

It felt so fucking good 😩

“That’s right princess. I’ve heard enough, baby. I knew it: I just needed to hear you say it. Now cum for me.”

when you did, you made sure to scream out all the praises you always told toshi when you weren’t getting fucked, making him feel like a King, reassuring him that your mind, body, and soul belonged to him and NO ONE else.

Wakatoshi found his release soon after from your pussy but also from your words, shooting his thick cum up inside you for you to take as he caressed your back and whispered how much he loved you in your ear.

Then, as you laid limp in his arms, he left his cock to stay warm inside you and went back to the stairs, fully prepared to go head up and bathe you, then put you to bed.

But as he passed the sixth step, though, Toshi bent down to pick up his keys, wallet and phone that he’d set there.

As you fell asleep on his shoulder, Ushi grinned at his phone screen, pressing send to the voicemail message he’d just recorded.

Whoops 😏 must have accidentally butt-dialed someone before fucking you and left a long message by accident

😕ohno😕

With a photographic memory, it wasn’t difficult for the Ace to remember such a plastic surgeon’s phone number when Ushi saw it on the note.....

And Toshi could explain to you how sorry he was that he’d accidentally dialed it before railing you to sleep on the stairs and in the foyer

But truth be told, your boyfriend’s only real regret would be not being able to see the look on Jeremy’s face when he listened to it on his flight back home.

Bday Event Masterlist

[bionicdragonguardian1]

Ranma 2/4

Yup... I’m doing it... yes this how I plan, shut up

Part One: Chapters 1-12

Genderfluid Ranma Saotome

Bisexual Akane Tendo

BAMF!Akane if it kills me

More modern America take on LGBTQIA+ themes

Bisexual Ryoga Hibiki

Fuck the Kunos

Full Series AU because I am a fool who doesn’t know restraint

Magic Rules are a thing

I am actually going to keep a consistent timeline if it kills me

I have a PLAN

Very Minor changes to the actual plot cuz economics

Bad Parenting is addressed

Harassment is Addressed

I will make them acknowledge Physics/Medical because I’m an asshole

Pulling from both the Anime and the Manga

Still working through the Manga as I plot

Friendly reminder that Genma is crap

Friendly reminder that Nodoka is crazy

Poor Mousse

Soun Tendo TRIES really hard but grief fucking sucks

Nabiki is morally grey

Toxic Shampoo

Kasumi gets Character Development or so help me

polyship cuz surprises

I promise I do love this anime

I’m just stunned that so many people didn’t get a lot of character development

Actual fucking ENDING

I do actually hate Shampoo tho

I watch dubs

Ranma slowly starts using they/them pronouns vs switching

Ranma wears a bra, fuck you

Yes I’m using 2020 LGBT stuff BUT I will keep the tech as close to the 90s as I can (tho fair warning I was BORN in the 90s)

Toxic Masculinity addressed (yes I mean Ranma’s)

Ranma is awkward as hell

bc that’s what happens when you isolate a child, Genma!

Also, they spent closer to 1-2 months in China bc of how many things happen while they’re there

Homophobic/Transphobic Language

Ranma uses Ranko WAY more often cuz it makes sense

Tatewaki is actually not as stupid as he is in canon, but he’s worse

Kodachi… on the other hand... IS stupid

Canon Heights are used (hence the “actual magic” tag, it’s how Kuno explains it and is still wrong)

Ranma is a shitty liar, and trusts his friends (kinda)

I’ve never like Shampoo, I don't hide that

While reading the manga I’ve realized how often Ranma wears a hat in the early chapters

I love it

Laws Exist

Rule Enforcement

Adults aren’t useless

Demiromantic Ranma

Ace/Demisexual Ranma (I haven’t decided yet)

Demiromantic Akane

Pansexual Ryoga

YES Akane is Bisexual AND Demiromantic. It’s a thing!

Genma is a sonnova bitch and piece o shit

Diasuke x Hiroshi

Sayuri x Yuka

Polyamory discussions

Hiroshi x Yuka

Protective Ranma

Protective Akane

Protective Ryoga

Tendos adopt Ryoga bc they care

Cologne sucks, I didn’t realize that was justified until now

Minor Anime over Manga Arc Choices

People aren’t oblivious those around Ranma a lot pick up on the transformation thing (eventually)

Ryoga’s crush on Akane turns into something normal, I may be ~Aro but even I know that’s bad

The “Akane Can’t Cook” Joke was funny once or twice; NOT the whole series Akane learns to cook

WAY fucking sooner than she did in the Anime

Look, I get the stereotype but it’s NOT funny!

Manga Chapt6Pt3 cover gave me too many ideas for what I want to do to Ryoga & IDK how I feel (Tiny pigtailed girl Ryoga is just too cute that I want to drop him the niángnìquán)

I will use Wiki-Mandarin-Spellings for Jusenkyo Springs cuz I don’t understand a lick of Chinese

Certain Arcs will be skipped entirely because I HATED THEM (any time they showed up)!

YEET Tea Ceremony Arc(s), mainly cuz an outsider I didn’t get it like I’m sure I was supposed to

If I could just kill Happosai I would, but I can’t

Expect him to be VERY dead/gone post-Canon

Fair warning tho cuz I hate him more than I hate Shampoo or Cologne

Shampoo still sucks

I wish the scene w Hiro/Dai was in the Anime cuz it’s hilarious

Ranma’s hat is back! I love it!

Is… is Ranma ADHD or is that me projecting again?

God, these two are hopeless dorks

Was someone going to TELL me that Ranma’s classmates figured out the transformation BEFORE the Romeo thing or was I just supposed to sit there stunned when it happened?!?

Goddammit, I hate Romeo and Julliet

I don’t mean the ep, I mean the play/movie/etc cuz my school years have done it 1.6 million times that I just can’t stand it anymore

Gosunkugi… wtf is wrong with you?

STILL hate this play

I’m American, ok

this has been shoved down my throat since I was 8 so It never occured to me that Ranma not knowing Romeo & Julliet at all wouldn’t be weird

Ranma learns his lines (kinda)

Kuno is 600% the reason they go off script

...And Gosunkugi being creepy af

TBH where they go off script (like Akane’s sleep scene) I’ll probs redo purely cuz I know this play

Still hate this play

Lol, tape ain’t a thing, that’s hilarious

Ranma kissing Kuno, yes

Akane kissing Ranma, NO

It’s called FAKING it

You either get over it or learn to fake it

Is it wrong that it’s tempting to get rid of P-chan in chapt8?

Don’t answer that… I know it is

Akane you need to learn to trust Ranma

Like seriously… that’s the 1 thing that drove me batty

100% going for the Anime version of the Japanese Speong of Drowned Man cuz it’s funnier

(I’m still tempted to change Ryoga)

Since the Cookie thing came before any comment about Akane’s cooking (Anime) I just figured Ranma was like me and can’t eat a ton of processed sugar (yes, make you that sick) so... HEADCANON!!

But Ranma’s still awkward af talking about it

Yup, subbing out Sasuke for Gosunkugi

Ranma not realizing his dad was committing crimes NEEDS to be handled better

I see angst potential

Ukyo is def still cis-fem, that point at least works

Ukyo’s dad is NOT in the clear here

Friendly reminder that Genma TOLD Mr. Kuonji that Ranma had a fiancée

Jealous Ranma’s fun

Ranma… just cuz you’ve 6.5k fiancé doesn’t mean everyone does

I’m just saying, Ryoga only falls for Ranma

Is Ranma wearing a binder while cursed bad? I honestly don’t know…

Poor Ranma, I’d DIE!

Obvs changing the rules of the pill from “first person of the opp sex”

I’m thinking “first person you’d be attracted to” cuz it’s nice and inclusive and won’t make someone fall for someone they wouldn’t normally

I’m just tryin’ to avoid some gayboy from fallin’ for a girl or some straight girl fallin’ for a girl

I mean Ranma’s still gonna Insta Cologne

Rule gets stricter the longer the pill lasts

also incest needs to be excluded

Look, I am NOT condoning Mousse’s obsession

but Shampoo still sucks

Is me making Tsubasa mtf bad?

Someone tell me cuz I’m not sure

I think I accidentally made Ukyo transphobic… oops

Redemption? Hopefully, idk yet

Do you realize how much anti LGBT shit I have to work through?!?

Tsubasa’s issue is 600% that she’s a lesbian so Ranma being a guy (even sometimes) weirds her out which for the record is FINE since they haven’t been dating at all & Ranma didn’t tell her!

The ½ white ½ brown dog IS actually Ryoga’s?!?

I didn’t know I needed this!

Also she’s staying!

Is Sasuke an Anime character?!?! Idk how I feel about this…

Ranma is a little shit & I love it

My idea may’ve been wrong (and Ranma!) but I love the idea had that I’m tempted do it anyway

Alright, Ranma is def going too far… even I can admit that

I’m quite sad this arc wasn’t animated

I don’t know which one I want! Kuno sick vs sneezing cat?

I can’t pick!

They’re both perfect!

Yup, Shampoo is evil

Akane… tone down the weapons kay?

[benhaardy]

constellation || b.m.

(what a man ^)

REQUEST: Hello! Could u do a college!bri with reader in which she’s like majoring in something completely different than Bri but they have a mutual friend (could be Roger) and Bri is so infatuated with her because her major is more like arts and stuff and idk lots of fluff?

A/N: eeeeee i loved writing this smmmmm i really hope yall like it even though it’s prettttttyyy specific tbh lol but if you don’t like arts or whatever bri is still a cute lil loverboy in this just imagine him but with your own work? writing or music wise or anything else really. i hope you enjoy cause i lovvvveed writing this. absolutely loved it. i use that phrase too much. anyway, i just really really liked this one it took me like two whole days to do it lol sorry that took awhile and to people w other requests i got u im still workingg on yalls.

requests are clooooseeed at the moment and i am currently working on the ones i have. you can still send them in but they will not be done/started until i am finished with this batch.

the “rings” / “halos” mentioned aren’t like an angel halo w the circle floating above. its like the paintings that depict the virgin mary? i’ll link a pic right here.

as always, tried to make this as neutral as possible for the reader, but it is fem!reader. there might be something pertaining to height…? but i doubt its anything substantial lol shoutout to y’all tall peeps.

this can be read as normal queen or borhap!queen.

happy new years folks! hope y’all enjoyed yours as i have enjoyed mine. hope you enjoy this fic like i did too lol :p thanks for sending this request in!

Wordcount: 2.4k

Warnings: one fuck word. fem!reader. p fluffy. was beta’d halfway, but proofread. APOLOGIES i don’t know much about space or the sky or stars… all info i got about constellations were from this website (lifesaver lol i really hope its accurate). i’m writing this at 4 am, all worth it lol i looooved this story. anywhere here’s constellation *pulls out guitar*

You stepped back to observe the basic outline that you drew on the canvas. It was a shell of what you wanted to actually paint, currently, but in a few hours, it would be quite the opposite. You moved the easel and canvas around so it wouldn’t be against the light of the large panels of glass surrounding you in what was supposed to be a breakfast nook which you had converted into your art “room”.

You were ready.

You took a deep breath and went to grab an old shirt that you could put on before painting. Going through the kitchen, then the foyer, then the stairs, you went straight to Roger’s room, a place where you could find a crappy ripped, and possibly faintly sweat-scented top to throw on. Your favourite flatmate wouldn’t mind, now would he?

You rummaged through his drawers, careful not to make a mess of his nice shirts or the ones he wore to gigs. Finally, you found an old Hendrix t-shirt that was already splattered with paint. Perfect. You took off your shirt, threw on the new one and put the old top in the laundry.

As you went down the stairs, you heard a noise that sounded like it came from the kitchen. It was probably one of the dogs messing around with your canvases. Quickly, you jogged towards your art room, where a familiar blonde boy was crouching down, viewing the propped up half-finished painting that was drying. There was a tall, curly-maned man shuffling through your masonites.

“Uhh…hello?” You said, confused. Who was this? Obviously, there was Roger, but he hadn’t brought anybody home except for the occasional girl. Rog stood up from his place and the other man had turned around to look at you, sheepish.

Your best friend came around the easel to hug you around your neck, a cigarette in his fingers and your arms around his waist. “Hello, love,” he said. He let go and moved to face the new guy watching both of you. “Y/N, Brian. Brian, Y/N. Brian, this is my closest friend and she loves painting. Y/N, I’m in his band now! Smile!”

You exclaimed, “Oh my god, Rog! That’s amazing!” You were glad his endless practice and jam sessions were working out. Roger was back to looking at your other paintings. Now, you faced Brian. “Hey, Brian. What do you play?” you noticed his hand still on the hardboards. “What were you looking for?” you questioned.

“Oh, sorry.” Brian took his hand off the boards. “I play the guitar.” You made a mental note of that. “I just noticed this one up on the front here… Is this Rog?” He pointed to the first board, which was a painting of Roger from the shoulders up. He had a halo of fire surrounding his head in a circle and he was looking up above. The background was of the night sky, the constellations Leo, Phoenix, Lynx, Hercules, Draco, Vulpecula, and Auriga around him, multitudes of small stars smattered in the blank spaces.

“Yeah, it is. It’s part of a new series I’m doing. It’s my friends and constellations that relate to them. I saw the stars in a book and I thought it looked great so, yeah. It’s fine if you want to take a look.”

Roger was shuffling through who-knows-what when he added, ”Bri majors in physics and all that—the stars.”

“That’s so cool! I’ve always been interested in space and such but my passion has always been in the arts. I major in fine arts.”

Bri smiled and nodded, still examining the painting of Rog and tracing the constellations. “This is gorgeous,” he whispered to himself as you were distracted by Rog giving his input on one of your other paintings.

--

You positioned yourself in front of your easel once more, the boys off to the living room to practice with each other. You primed your canvas, mixed your colours, and set out your brushes. A picture of your subject was taped up on the canvas holder of your easel and the book of constellations was set up on the table next to you. Roger and Brian’s session was great background music for your painting time. You found yourself tapping your foot to the beat.

A few hours later, your painting was done. It was modelled after one of your classmates in your European History class. You stood back and put your hands on your hips. You painted her from the side, sitting on her calves. She wasn’t wearing anything, her chest only covered by a wave of water that led up to another halo surrounding her head. She was looking down at her hands, clasped in her lap with the constellations and stars above her. Her curly, caramel brown hair was splayed out behind her and upon her shoulders, droplets of water among them. You were quite pleased with your first (somewhat) nude where you captured the curves of her body true to what she looked like.

You heard Roger and Brian finish up their set and go into the kitchen. The fridge door and cupboard opened and closed. They walked into your space, Roger with a towel around his neck and Brian a little more disheveled than before. Brian’s top buttons were undone, exposing two necklaces. “Hm,” you thought as you watched him drink from his glass of water standing in the doorway, “Hmmmmmmmmmm.”

Your best friend went around and looked at your artwork. “Damn, who is that?” Roger asked, clearly interested in who your painting was of. He took a sip of water.

You took the picture off the easel and replied, ”None of your concern, Rog.” You shook your head, snickering along with Brian.

Brian walked to your other side and viewed your painting himself. You looked for his opinion on his face. “Wow, Y/N,” he mumbled, “Aquarius, Cassiopeia, and Eridanus are they?

“Correct.”

“This is beautiful, absolutely beautiful. The way she looks, so sensual yet innocent. Wow, Y/N. This is great,” he said quietly.

“Thank you, Brian. That means everything.” Brian smiled at you, bashful.

A new friend (and basically, new flatmate) was made that day.

--

A few months had passed. Smile had been doing great. Roger, Brian, and you were close as ever. Often, you went to their practices and sketched your surroundings, often Roger drumming or Tim singing. You loved seeing Brian’s vibrant smiles but him still paying careful attention to his playing. You would sit at the bar and sketch, or do homework, or just drink. Roger’s cheeky grin and Brian’s reserved but bright twinkle were always there for you up on that stage.

You were at the park with Bri at his invitation while Rog was off with his girl and Tim was somewhere doing something else. He met you with a blanket, his physics textbook, and a few writing utensils and you met him armed with a sketchbook and a bunch of pencils. It was a sunny, British summer day. You greeted each other and found a tree to sit under. Brian spread out the blanket for both of you and you sat down.

Much of your days with him weren’t always so silent. You had helped each other study often. He was often at your side when he was done practicing with Rog, the adrenaline that coursed through him making him seem like a child, a contrast to the calmness of your art process. After shows, he would be so talkative, willing to speak for a long time about anything and everything. You two would frequently be the only two left at the bar after a gig, Roger giving you his customary sly smile behind Bri’s shoulder as you conversed into the late hours.

He loved hearing of your endeavours in art and your classes and never failed to ask to see the new drawings of the new. Usually, you were shy to show other people what you had made but you just had this openness around him. You knew if he had any judgments he would say them in a constructive manner but he never seemed to put too much attention on your mistakes, rather being a “fix it and move on” type of person.

You liked him a lot, really. It didn’t help at all that he was intelligent and attractive and helpful and just a great guy all aro— never mind. Check off all of the boxes for “things you want in a man”. You tried not to pay attention to it too much.

Both of you were off to your own devices, buried in your work. A slight breeze came about, feeling wonderful against your skin. You looked back at Bri sitting against the tree, the wind shifting his hair and his book in his lap. You went back to your own thing.

“Y/N?” Brian spoke up after a while.

“Yeah?” You replied back, still focused on your drawing.

“Could I watch you draw? If that’s alright with you. You pick out the perfect colours and compositions and everything. It’s fascinating. Everything just comes together exemplary.” He spread his hands out at “exemplary.”

“Of course, Bri,” you said, flattered. “Of course.”

Bri moved closer to you, pretty much right behind your shoulder. You flipped to a new page in your book and set to work. He watched your pencil as it flew across the paper, depicting a sleeping dog with a couple that was sitting the next tree over. You could feel his eyes settle upon your face momentarily, heat rising up to your cheeks.

“You know, Y/N. You make a pretty funny face when you’re drawing,” he laughed. Brian played with a piece of grass absentmindedly but still paid attention to your drawings and now your eyes.

“Oh yeah, Bri? What’s that face you’re speaking of?” You took a look at him. He pursed his lips and pushed them out to the left; he drew his eyebrows together and pretended to draw in thin air. You giggled together at his silly (albeit, quite realistic) impression of you.

“To be fair, you have one too, when you’re playing,” you teased.

“How so?” Bri acted like he was offended.

“Well, I can’t really do it and nor is it as severe as mine… but when you play, it’s as if nothing else in the world matters to you but in a good way. It’s like, ‘Who cares about uni? Who cares about anything else?’ You kind of just look like it’s you and your guitar against the world, right? It’s quite nice, watching you play,” you said, voice getting quieter as you continued.

“It is true. Us against the world.”

--

Two weeks had passed. Rog went out with his girlfriend after a session with Bri so you were left alone with the guitarist. He was in the living room making up his own compositions and writing songs like he normally does while you stayed in your little studio. A little lamp was clamped to the table next to your easel so you could have a soft light on your canvas. You painted until Brian came in, standing at the threshold.

“Hello, love,” you said gently. You set down your brush and stretched.

“Hi, babe,” he replied back, advancing forward.

You remembered what you were going to show him and in a split second, you practically screamed, “No, Bri, wait!” He put his hands up and froze in his spot. “Just stay there, okay? Close your eyes.” The guitarist lowered his hands and obeyed.

You quickly moved to take the painting on your easel and prop it against the wall alongside the other drying ones. You looked through the finished paintings and came across the one you were looking for. After grabbing it, you set it up once more. The finished product after hours of work was finally on display. You came back around Brian and guided his towering self to your normal space in front of your painting spot. “Open your eyes.” He did.

You both looked at the piece of artwork in front of you. There was a large smile on his painting self’s face and his eyes were closed. His head was tilted back, up at the stars surrounding him. Bri’s curls were framing his face, small stars speckled throughout them. A ring of water was around his head. “Cancer, Circinus, Leo Minor, Lyra. Pyxis, Telescopium, Camelopardalis,” he said, so quiet you could barely hear it. You watched as he admired the painting of himself, one that you put so much work into to make special.

You nodded. “It’s you, Bri. That’s what I was drawing in the park. I was just doodling but I looked at you and you just looked so—pretty?” You both laughed at your words, but you continued on. “That’s the word. Pretty. With the sunlight and everything, the grass was so vibrant… you were glowing! I couldn’t help it, so I drew you for reference. And then I painted you,” you said, calm and shrugging your shoulders. “I thought it was fitting, you in space, looking like you were at home. I wanted to incorporate something music and the closest thing I could do was Lyr-“

“Oh my goodness, Y/N. This much thought? You didn’t have to do any of this, I’m so grateful, I love it so much! But I’m just Brian, I don’t deser—”

“I wanted to do this, Bri. Trust me. You listened to me rant on and on and on about how my what I was doing didn’t look good, or what I was drawing, or how I was drawing something. You are so encouraging and attentive and just amazing, Bri, I couldn’t help it. It was really no problem. You deserve it. And there’s-there’s one more thing.” This was it! You weren’t really planning on telling him your feelings after showing him your piece but now here you were.

He asked, oblivious, “What thing?” Bri was beaming at his portrait and now beaming at you.

“I really like you, Bri. A lot. You’ve been there for a lot and we’ve supported each other and I just-” He hadn’t said anything. The same surprised look was still on his face. Fuck. “And I mean, like, you know, I j-“

He seemed extremely taken aback at your declaration but his face melted into tenderness. “I like you too, Y/N.”

You exhaled, “Thank god!” Both of you laughed, the shared relief between the both of you evident.

Brian leaned in and you closed the gap. His lips felt amazing against yours after all this time waiting and the moon shone softly upon you both as you shared this moment.

--

Brian :

Cancer: The Crab ~ his astrological sun sign

Circinus: The Compass ~ helps people find their way, ever helpful

Pyxis: The Compass ~ mariner’s compass, i feel like he j knows himself really well and he’s a water sign so lol

Telescopium: The Telescope ~ self-explanatory lol

Leo Minor: The Little Lion ~ his hair. roger got the “big” lion by default so i gave bri the little lion!

Lyra: The Harp ~ closest thing to music

Camelopardalis: The Giraffe ~ :pppp

Roger :

Leo: The Lion ~ his astrological sun sign

Phoenix: The Firebird ~ he fiery

Hercules: The Strong Man ~ i’d like to think he would request this himself once he saw the series of pieces you were doing.

Draco: The Dragon ~ why not, plus i feel like he’d like it

Vulpecula: The Little Fox ~ he got the foxy moxy.

Auriga: The Charioteer ~ apollo and his chariot, rog is the sun <3

Lynx: The Lynx ~ not a very easily seen constellation, so you need good eyesight to see it. i thought it was ironic because of rog’s bad eyes LOL

The girl in the painting (you know who you are :)):

Aquarius: The Water Bearer ~ her sun sign

Cassiopeia: The Queen ~ self-explanatory hah

Eridanus: The Celestial River ~ water, relates to sun sign

[teshamerkel]

Anon 1: I don’t yet, but I’m planning on making one for posting the Seekers of Soul story. I have some other fanfiction I’ve written in the past, so I suppose I could go ahead and make one and post some of those stories? Hm. I’ll let you all know!

Anon 2: Honestly? I really didn’t like Ultra very much. I loved Sun and Moon, and a big part of that was the darker story elements, especially with Lusamine. So them changing a lot of plot points between the two games irked me more than it should have. :/ I can see why people like Ultra, though! I did love the surfing mini-game, haha! ^^

Anon 3: BZZT! APOLOGIES FELLOW MAGNEMITE, BUT PROMPTS ARE INDEED--BZZZT!--CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE DUE TO SCHOOL! (Blue Rescue Team was my first PMD game!!! :D)

Anon 4: Sure, that’s fair! I’m still gonna keep things pretty short, though, especially for Nia and Toby since they’re basically getting a whole dang book all to themselves, haha.

Nia and Toby’s story starts the usual PMD way, with Nia waking up in the Pokemon world without a clue of how she got there, or even what her name is (she chooses Nia later on from a book of famous explorers). I think one of the biggest differences in her story, however, is that she’s never heard of Pokemon before, even just as a video game franchise like in our world. So you can imagine she’s more than a little freaked out waking up in a dog’s body and being grouched at by a giant talking lizard who, oh yeah, is on fire. But since I’m writing out their story, I’ll just give you some tidbits about their characters. Nia is incredibly curious, a fast learner, and a voracious reader, but she has a tendency to overthink and let panic overwhelm her in tense situations. It takes a while for her to figure out how to use actual moves as opposed to just regular kicks and such, but she’s a pretty decent strategist and gets by with that. She’s tall for a riolu, and loves persim berries--an oddity for fighting types. Within the span of two weeks she makes more friends at the guild than Tobias has in 10 years.

Tobias is a grouchy, hot-tempered charmander who’d rather be left to his own devices most of the time. However, after deciding that he has to quit his job as a medic to become an Explorer and settle a personal score, he realizes that he needs a partner to do so. Doesn’t mean that he happily accepts that fact, though. :3c He’s definitely the better battler of the two, and not too bad of a strategist himself, but he often lets his emotions get the better of him. He never takes off the scarf around his neck, and he’s actually really great with kids.

As for River the snivy and Charlie the Tepig??? Honestly, they have rougher backstories and aren’t nearly as developed as a lot of the other teams rn. I need to replay through GTI to settle that out a bit more. But! I can say that River is definitely the calmer one of the two, not aloof but certainly quiet. He keeps his distance from Pokemon usually, and ever since he left home (where his mom and sister still live) to strike out on his own, he’s kind of resigned himself to being alone, comfortable with it. But upon meeting Charlie, he feels a near-instant connection to them, and is admittedly curious about them being a human. He’s shiny and has always been a bit shy about the attention that would get him.

Charlie is the former human of the GTI universe, a bouncy, friendly type with their heart on their sleeve and almost too many emotions to handle. But they stick to River like glue from the moment the two meet, and the rest is history! Charlie is the one who strikes up conversations with the townsfolk and the eventual rest of the Paradise crew, kind of dragging River along with them. The snivy finds that he doesn’t really mind, though. The two of them are both aro/ace and become platonic life partners later on!

(Also, thank you for the compliment!!! ^///^ You aren’t being a bother at all! Levi and Toby absolutely need all the help they can get, tbh. RIP in pieces, my dudes. I am not Explorers of Soul on Quotev, though. I’ll let you guys know when I set up a profile to post on!)

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

More of the Misadventures of Aish rereading Misadventures and fixing typos, like a cowardly fool because I can’t sleep

chapters 21-25 oh no here we go

(actually I did this in like November on my phone but only just now remembered that I never posted it so here ya go, this is all weeks old)

Okay so with the chapter titles, I didn’t actually start naming them until about ch27 or so, but I had already nicknamed this chapter something like “IT’S FRIENDSHIP YOU COWARDS” bc this one got a surprising amount of notes on tumblr and I’m 99% sure most of the people who read it did not realize that this is in fact a Kimax fic

And also THIS CHAPTER WAS THE TURNING POINT. I could either have kept the fic rly lighthearted until way near the end, or decide to start shoving in the Angst much quicker. 3 guesses what I picked >:D

Oh highkey same Alix?? except for me it’s not superpowers or anything it’s just called “anxiety disorder”

The obliviousness physically pains me

I’m the guard who just blatantly lets Alix steal popcorn. also why was there just casually popcorn there. god I don’t even know what I was thinking when I wrote any of this

Oh yeah I remember!! I was mad at people setting off the smoke alarm while making popcorn in the middle of the night!! just uni things am I right

...why am I noticing now that the whole popcorn thing is just a metaphor for Kim’s entire love life I am going to throw this fic out of the window I swear

IT REALLY IS, UGH I HATE THIS, ARE YOU TELLING ME I DID THAT BY ACCIDENT

this is a freaking game of Civilization where one civ takes a runaway lead in the science victory while the rest are all still stuck in the industrial era

Kim is me watching dinosaur movies too tbh, dinosaurs are so frickin rad

well this is depressing

and adorable

I hate so much that I know what the Bad Dream means I hate it I hate it I h

IT’S OKAY KIM I’M PROUD OF YOU, YOU’RE MY SON AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

“It’s not up to you to question why people care about you so just roll with it” damn past me, that’s actually some really good advice???

Alix is a Kimax shipper even this early in the fic, btw. whenever she talks to them about each other she’ll always say stuff like “oh yeah you two are so close” or “he cares about you so much” without specifying whether she means that platonically... my dudes... she’s shipping it

Kim having an existential crisis in early hours of the morning is such a mood because it’s 2am and I’m having one right now

BAD FORESHADOWING, YES BAD THINGS ARE GOING TO START HAPPENING SOON LIKE ASSASSINATIONS AND STUFF, YOU WEREN’T WRONG

Alright chapter 22 now

the carriage guards!! my favourite characters in the entire fic!!!!!! they’re the BEST okay they just casually chill at school through the entire thing and only show up again in the last chapter omg they’re so amazing I love them??? absolute LEDGES

Kim’s parents being all like “yeah if our son doesn’t wanna come home from school then just KIDNAP HIM and bring him back lmao”

“Hey, do you want me to threaten your guards with my snake or something?” WAS THAT FORESHADOWING??? BECAUSE SHE VERY MUCH DOES DO THAT LATER. TO DIFFERENT GUARDS YES BUT IT’S LEGIT A THING SHE DOES

talking on the phone is stressful? yes it’s that good old “anxiety disorder” again, really a pain tbh

god I’m so proud of Kim, already that good good character development

also Kim’s grandma is me

omg I have to put Kim and Alix’s dumb chess games in the sequel, I came up with an entire thing about how they blatantly cheat etc and it’s ridiculous and Max gets a headache whenever he has to “referee” (aka make sure they don’t fight), it’s so great okay

me: *thinks about chapter 34 and throws up*

oh I’m the snake too btw. the snake also will hate chapter 34

Max holy moly repressing your feelings isn’t healthy??? stop that

hhhhhhh chapter Lila now, like literally that’s the entire chapter 23, it’s basically just Lila

this is just the damn Volpina episode

dupainchien!!!!! dupainchien!!!!!!!!!

I know this isn’t even that much of a big deal in this fic but like... can Marinette and Adrien just get together already lmao

hskdjhdkjfhgs for the record Lila and Kim is actually a pretty good ship?? but they’d both try to out-brag each other and it would be ridiculous so uh

hm anyways. time for CHAPTER AROACE

Kim’s like. ABOUT TO start falling for Max oh thank god, I need this

Lila: *just stabs Kim’s homework with a parasol*

Kim just... Did That??? WE STAN

(oh and later note: in this he just treats Lila like how Adrien treated her in Chameleon lol)

I remember at this point I wasn’t sure if Lila would actually really return in the fic, and then literally like 2 chapters later I brought her back already because damn that girl needs a redemption arc

do I hug Kim or do I hug Max?? you FOOLS, you ABSOLUTE BUFFOONS, I am going to hug ALIX for having to deal with all their romo bullshit

Max trying to get drunk on orange juice is the mood

JULEKA’S MAGICAL GAYDAR!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!

(also Juleka is absolutely wearing a Reflekta dress)

Juleka, outright: “Max. my dude. alix is aroace you dense idiot. you are all idiots. you absolute fuckwits.”

I’m still the snake btw

hhhhhhhhhh I wanna make a daisy chain now, or just go outside and sprawl in some grass, I can’t because it’s 2.30am and I live in the city and it’s winter, screw this fic for making me miss my school days

oh no I’m having an allergic reaction again

I mEAN IT’S CUTE THO, IT’S CUTE, BUT I KNOW WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN A BIT LATER SO THIS IS JUST PAINFUL

“You need more sleep” me calling myself out

I am going to hit Kim over the head,,

STOP BEING WEIRD JUST TELL HER YOU LIKE HER?? GOOD GOD I DON’T EVEN SHIP IT AND I STILL WANT YOU TO GET A BLOODY MOVE ON

oh good, he wants to smack himself in the face too

no nonono no Alix I think you are cute too. but you see, I mean it in the adopting way. but you ARE objectively adorable (source: the Reverser episode and also like all the other episodes) people just don’t say it in this au because of your TERRIFYING PET SNAKE

she offered to give him a telephone... lov that foreshadowing

*unimpressed* “are you in love with me?” OH FUCKING FINALLY

skdfhskdjfhsd avoiding people and having a heart attack when someone knocks on your door? I see the return of that anxiety disorder eh

Alix didn’t bring the snake (me) with her on purpose bc she knows Kim is still a bit scared of it at this point and doesn’t want him to be in a bad mood while she’s crushing his heart and soul

GOD YES I LOVE THIS SCENE

I hate myself because when I was writing this I was thinking “oh mood?? oh mood worm same hat???” and yet still. didn’t. realize. I’m. aro. *le sigh*

I’m gonna cry this is so sweet

“So are bossy, intimidating, hot girls your type?” no actually because Ondine is neither bossy nor intimidating (tho yeah she is hot) (and not particularly relevant in this fic unfortunately)

Alix is not in fact as oblivious as she claims to be btw, she just thinks it would sound mean to say “oh yeah I guessed you had a thing for me but I aggressively ignored it bc it annoyed me since I’m aroace lmao”

I’m genuinely going to hecking cry omg I remember now why this was my Ultimate Brotp for so long ugh it’s so good, @ ZAG LET KIM AND ALIX BE FRIENDS

I’m laughing?? so hard??? at the fact that their height difference is so ridiculous that literally like he has to kneel down??? god this is the funniest thing

oh also btw she was internally debating with herself like “should I give him the mistletoe kiss?? sounds gross but I feel so bad for him dammit” and decided to right there on the spot because she was lowkey curious anyway, which I’ll be honest is still an aro mood

OMG I’M ACCIDENTALLY SUCH A GENIUS OMG LISTEN NO LEMME EXPLAIN

SO LIKE. there are two (2) instances in this fic where I tried to pretend to be funny by dropping in the word “heartrate”. one is near the beginning, and the other is right here

in other words, the exact start and end points of Kim’s crush on Alix?? AND I DID THAT BY ACCIDENT OMG I’VE CHANGED MY MIND I’M PROUD OF MYSELF NOW

oh... oh no. uh oh. the dreaded evil Chapter Twenty Hecking Five

it’s called “Pain” for a reason. also my OG nickname for it was “Death”. also for a reason.

I even listened to Death Valley (the FOB song) on repeat while writing it (along with the next like 9 chapters lol) because the word DEATH just seemed so accurate

no really this is THE real turning point in the fic, where it stops being just a dumb teen movie and starts being all A N G S T Y

like this is the first chapter that has NO lightheartedness AT ALL

okay. here we go

this is all??? foreshadowing??? for dumb chapters like 30 and 34??? I Hate

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE SNAKE

I’M HAVING A HEART ATTACK JUST READING THESE WORDS THIS IS SO HORRIFYING ALEXA PLAY DEATH VALLEY

this is the equivalent of seeing a kwami die, for the record. like I know kwamis can’t die but THIS IS HOW IT WOULD FEEL

god this is even worse in hindsight knowing what happens later, bc poor Alix is all like @ herself “oh well it’s a nightmare so it’s not real” and I’m just like... oh dear. honey. sweetie. welp. I mean on the bright side you’re psychic so that’s kinda cool right

I love how Jalil is actually really sweet and a genuinely cool brother, you just never get to see it when Kim’s around bc he hates Kim lmao (I mean for good reasons..)

“I can’t live without this snake!” I MEAN YOU’RE NOT WRONG

these timeline powers are SO cursed man. why was I so evil and cruel holy actual shit

(the whole “some character deaths but not really” tag refers to all this clusterfuck btw)

okay it’s funny how this bit with Adrien is the Collector episode despite it not having aired yet when I wrote this, I guess I’m psychic too

Nathalie being sympathetic huh? not so much in the sequel when I get round to it...

Adrikins being all “I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER” I’m dying

uh yeah there’s a difference between being grounded, and like, literal actual house arrest

damn... capitalism really is bad

so is imperialism

fix this damn typo thing where I used the word “soon” twice in one sentence like was that really necessary

DUPAINCHIEN

I love how Kim is so obviously bi that even Marinette notices and straight-up tries to set him up with a hot commoner boy

oh noes here comes The Death

Hi Aish Snekwami, I am afraid

god imagine how horrible it must be??? to have something traumatic happen in another timeline but you’re still aware of it in this one so you still suffer the effects even though nothing bad happened in this timeline????

Max shows up for two seconds this chapter to remind everyone that I have an anxiety disorder again and then hecks off, good for him

HOLY FUCK?!?!?! IMAGINE LITERALLY DYING ACTUAL DEATH IN ANOTHER TIMELINE AND EVEN THOUGH YOU SURVIVE IN THIS ONE YOU STILL HAVE TO LIKE. FEEL THE WHOLE TIME YOU’RE DYING OF GODDAMN COBRA VENOM HOLY FUCK WHY DID I MAKE THIS SO ANGSTY

I mean I think I remember writing this when I was on a very heavy painful period which full-on incapacitated me but like even that’s nowhere near as bad as fucking. snake. bite (ye I did some research, it was creepy...)

man this is so evil... I can’t

THIS IS HOW IT FEELS TO DIE

god that’s so haunting ughhhhhhhhh

honestly whenever I stub my toe etc I always think to myself “is this karma for that time I lowkey killed Alix off in chapter 25?” and yeah, it probably is

OKAY THAT’S ENOUGH FOR NOW

[sazandorable]

so im gonna do that AAW meme thing! cw: tmi about aza’s thrilling life, some cringey or vaguely depressing/upsetting anecdotes, some happy things in a silly way, and fandom

1.      Sunday, 21 October:

o   Describe your experience of finding out about asexuality/the ace spectrum.  What source(s) did you find it from? How did it feel to find out about asexuality? How did it change your life?

~Sherlock BBC fandom~! /o/ Yeaaaaah.

To be precise, the kink meme, on livejournal. just a random prompt asking for something exploring the arrangement between asexual sherlock and uhhh probably john but tbh i don’t remember that. maybe Irene. I’m almost sure this was right after the Scandal in Belgravia episode had aired, and that episode was why people were playing with the idea of Sherlock being uninterested in sex.

I don’t remember my exact feelings when I read that word, but I do remember that I was delighted at the concept (+ the discussion in the same episode about falling in love outside of your sexual orientation) and immediately convinced, that I jumped into researching asexuality, and that barely a few weeks later I was very deep in contemplating and musing about my own levels of attraction and sorting out all that stuff. I do think I just instantly realized this concept applied to me; I found the AVEN site and its definitions very fast, and grey-a felt good instantly. (I found demi later, and it took me a bit longer to claim it for myself, though I don’t remember much details about that.)

Like, years later I’m very much bitter about and Over™ Sherlock BBC, its writers, and that episode in particular and their stance on the sexualities and orientations of all their characters, but... it did bring me something very precious, that it would have taken me years to find out about otherwise.

It did change my life in that this is when I realized that I really, really, really didn’t have to date, have sex, marry or whatever “one day” if I never wanted to and I wasn’t “late” on anything. Took off a lot of pressure, and also made me stop trying to dub-con myself into accepting things I didn’t actively want just because I didn’t actively hate them.

2.      Monday, 22 October:

o   Talk about your coming out experience.  Of course, one many never be finished coming out, but you could describe how you came out to friends, what reactions you have gotten, how you have felt by coming out, and more.

Mm, two:

not quite coming out, and I don’t remember how it came up, but I mentioned “ok but what about asexuality” at my mother, perhaps a year or two after finding out about it, and she just scoffed and said “that’s not a thing, it’s just being scared of sex,” and I just... froze. Blanked out. Zoned out. Possibly shook a little. This was my first first-hand experience of being just... disacknowledged, erased, denied out of existence, and I had absolutely not expected it, nor the violence of it, nor the casual quality of that violence. I couldn’t say anything in reply, and I don’t think my mother noticed anything at all.

on another hand, I once explained to a gay male friend of mine that, well, I don’t call myself a lesbian, I like girls but I don’t call my super-duper-precious-friend my girlfriend, we are extremely close but we don’t have sex or really date, I’m asexual; and his reaction was “?? THAT’S SO COOL. That fits you! I’m glad for you that you can just do whatever works for you without following conventions about relationships! Cool, great!” and that just made my day.

3.      Tuesday, 23 October:

o   Describe your experience of confronting stereotypes.  There are many stereotypes or expectations of what being on the ace spectrum is like, but of course aspec people are just as diverse as any other group.  How have you defied or corrected these stereotypes?

uuhhhhh

Mostly this happens when I talk about asexuality with people who are questioning themselves, explaining the many different flavors it can come in, that yeah you can be asexual at the same time as enjoying sex, masturbating, having fantasies, wanting to date, etc. Not so much smashing established stereotypes, more confirming that nop this thing that you think would “disqualify” you from being asexual doesn’t, actually, you still might be, you’re not “fake”.

4.      Wednesday, 24 October:

o   Talk about positive representation of aspec people in media which has benefited you or speaks to you strongly.  Aspec people are not often represented in media, so it will be nice to see which representations have the strongest impacts.

*STANDS UP, VIBRATING*

TWENTYACETEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

This year I got two cases of explicit, confirmed, canon, accurate and nuanced representation with central characters in two series that were already extremely close to my heart, and I’m so happy about it!!!!

Spoilers for both fandoms!

1) Shimanami Tasogare: a recently finished manga about LGBT community. In one of the last arcs, we learn that the very central yet mysterious character Anonymous (Dareka-san) is asexual. Like, the character says it, in full letters, and it’s discussed a lot.

Well, it’s more complicated than that, because it’s set in Japan and written in Japanese and Japan has different approaches, concepts and vocabulary around asexuality than English-language; what Anonymous initially describes might be closer to what English-language would call aromanticism. But they also later go “Am I interested in sex, or not? Who knows :)”, with their potential interest in sex represented with them reading porn magazines, and they’ve already expressed that they’re not interested in dating, so as it happens they’re probably both aro and ace (in English terms) anyway. (In the same sequence, they also explain that they might be male, or female, and generally aren’t overly concerned with how people think of them, anything works for them.)

This brings the other characters to think some more about their own desires for love, sex, relationships, human contact... There is a beautiful scene where the main character thinks that knowing this lets him finally understand Anonymous, that this must be why they are so mysterious and detached and fleeting — and Anonymous tells him point-blank that nah. They’re not just their asexuality. Don’t reduce them to that. They’re not “anonymous” because they’re asexual, and vice-versa — those are just two incidental parts of who they are. They are a full person, who just happens to be asexual, and also to enjoy being anonymous and unknown and find freedom in living their life this way.

It was just incredible to read entire chapters dedicated to a central character talking at length about their asexuality, and also how they relate, not only to straight people, but also to queer non-ace people. In the end the main character still doesn’t quite get Anonymous, and that’s how they like it.

2) The Magnus Archives: an ongoing horror podcast that’s casually LGBTQIA-friendly. (Like, a lot of horrible stuff does happen to queer people, but that’s because there’s a lot of them, and I do think that statistically more of them survive than straight people. Equal opportunity horror.) I had been toying with headcanoning the main character Jon as asexual for a variety of reasons for a while, and then in an episode that aired a few months ago a character casually mentioned that “apparently [he] just... doesn’t. At all.” Asked to elaborate, the writer confirmed on twitter that yup, he’s written as asexual (though who knows if Jon would use that word himself, he doesn’t really think about it).

I’m especially delighted because this came up, in context, because Jon has dated. At least once. We know his ex, and she is super chill with him. This reveal also comes up in the same breath as the reveal that a male character seems to have a crush on him, and IMO the show seems to hint that said character is aware that Jon doesn’t do sex, and doesn’t/wouldn’t mind this if they were to date.

Jon did start out as the usual cold, rational, unempathetic character archetype (in fact, he’s very reminiscent of BBC’s Sherlock in early episodes), but by the time this line comes up, the listener knows that he actually cares a lot and is full of emotions. He’s shown to be very, very protective of the people close to him — though also very bad at it. And at expressing it. But, still around the same time of the ace reveal, he is making deliberate efforts to communicate more and value everyone’s feelings. And of course, being the central character, he’s a veeeeery developed character with tons of evolution and nuances, and a huge fandom fave. The reveal that’s he’s asexual has changed exactly nothing in the show; but, like I said, it fits him, he read as asexual to the point that I was suspecting it despite zero real textual evidence until then.

When this episode came out and I heard that line (... I actually had missed it on first listen), I was at work, and I just started almost crying at my desk.

And then I got to go around yelling about it at my fandom friends.

... And at my non-fandom friends.

[contranymss]

RP: Dean, Tracy, Ryan, Fabien, Tom, Chet, Charlie, Tony

dean;;

sexuality headcanon: gavinsexual bi as heck

otp: gavin 5ever (also anna)

brotp: gavin. (and tracy. and anna.)

notp: Ty. People that aren’t Gavin or Anna.

first headcanon that pops into my head: He and Gavin went to Prom, and elected to go without dates and just be cool good lookin’ bros together. Dean lowkey pretended it was a date in his head the whole time.

one way in which I relate to this character: i love being in denial

thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: so many things. he’s an awkward bean sometimes.

tracy;;

sexuality headcanon: yes

otp: I don’t really.....ship her.....romantically......with people........no romo. (though for .5 seconds i was super into the idea of tracy/amy and both of them leaving their respective menfolk, and maybe amy sort of......growing up because of tracy’s influence. and maybe both of them still goin’ out bangin’ dudes because they both really love dick.......idk.)

brotp: gavin, dean, chuck

notp: tommy. also war. also monogamy in general.

first headcanon that pops into my head: She acted out when she was young - hanging out with a MacLeod, sleeping around, throwing lavish over the top parties, drinking, etc. - to set herself apart. She didn’t want to be the girl with the dead older brother, or or just one of a set of twins.

one way in which I relate to this character: occasional crippling self doubt, don’t always have the best taste in people

thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: she....married...........tommy...........and dated...........war.............

ryan;;

sexuality headcanon: gay. v gay.

otp: i almost want to say bradley.......because there’s a history there and, in their own way, love. also lowkey fabien but who knows if that’ll ever happen bc now i need to talk to erin about it.

brotp: sage, chuck, lowkey potentially fabien (also there’s a part of me that’s really attached to gavin and ryan’s relationship even though we have done nothing with them since tracy found out that ryan isn’t dead)

notp: also bradley. and balthazar but he’s dead now. so.

first headcanon that pops into my head: he never expected to.......make........friends..........when he came back, so the fact that he’s become so close with sage really surprises him, but he wouldn’t trade that friendship for anything.

one way in which I relate to this character: anxiety and problems with....being........social..........

thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: he’s just generally awkward

fabien;;

sexuality headcanon: tbh he doesn’t even know. brainwashed fabien is straight as heck, but the actual fabien? he’s actually not all that interested in women. also not totally interested in sex in general. he doesn’t dislike it or anything, and it definitely feels nice, but in the beginning, he was, in large part, doing it because that’s what everyone else was doing it. i mean, his first several times having sex, he wasn’t anywhere near sober either. he was drunk or high or both, and people suggested things and he just.........did them. for some of them, he was closer to sober than with others, but like........his sex life was mainly due to social obligation (maybe obligation is the wrong word idk) and anyone who looked at a list of all the people he’d had sex with, it would come off like he was bi or pan. and also part of him sleeping with women when he was younger was because of it being ingrained in his mind that he was supposed to be interested in women. that it was normal and healthy and what he was supposed to do. (this is all so jumbled and rambly wowzers.)

otp: honestly........bradley..........even if it’s not entirely healthy, and, well, they’re bros. but like. it’s the most intense interpersonal relationship he has, and bradley knows him better than anyone, and bradley is the only person he has ever broken down in front of. he trusts bradley in a way he doesn’t trust anyone else. as much as he tries to hide a lot of the bad stuff from bradley, because he wants to protect him - and all of his brothers - bradley still knows more about him than most. he knows about thierry’s abuse, he knows about his abusive ex, and after the whole situation with Balthazar, he probably would have been able to, eventually open up to bradley about what happened when he got kidnapped (because right now war is the only one that knows even part of that) had the whole rehab thing not happened.but david is a close second. and probably would have less of a fucked up relationship with him. they can relate on a lot of fronts, and sure, they’re both fucked up individuals who do a lot of drugs and drink a lot. but like....the thing they have is new for both of them, and it’s so important that they both have someone like that, even if it’s been put on hold because fabien’s all brainwashed.

brotp: david because tbh david is kind of his first actual friend? also bradley. also kind of war??? maybe not lately but like...war is the brother that he doesn’t always feel like he needs to protect. and yeah, he hates that he’s the kind of person that’s always like rawr, protect bros at all costs but it’s not like he’s doing it on purpose, and the universe kind of just......keeps giving him more reasons to feel like he should be protecting bradley. and.........idk. i had more thoughts but words are hard.

notp: part of me wants to say ariane, because had he not been brainwashed, he wouldn’t really have any interest in her. but the way he makes her feel right now, outside of the huge gross awfullness of the whole situation......like........With her, he feels loved. Feels like he deserves to be loved. Like he’s a good person, or has the potential to be a good person. He genuinely does feel happy right now, with her. Feels like he has a future that’s actually worth something. But like......it’s all a lie. It’s all fake. She doesn’t necessarily like him. She likes this version of him, the one that’s been molded to be what Josiah wants. What his father wants. And the whole situation is just so fucked up, and it’s doubtful he would come out of this and still feel the same way about her.

first headcanon that pops into my head: he still has the tiniest crush on Gavin. Like, it’s not really romantic, or sexual even. It’s just....Gavin was the first guy he was with, and sure, he wasn’t sweet and loving or anything, but he was respectful and attentive. And, sure, he fits his public persona in certain ways, and can be a bit of a stereotype, but he’s not totally awful. He’s a much better person than he ever would have expected, and Fabien is glad that Gavin was his first experience with a man. He wishes more of his experiences would have been like that.

one way in which i relate to this character: self loathing and dislike of people in general?

thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: brainwashed famine is just...........yep.

tom;;

sexuality headcanon: i don’t know which term he prefers (i think it’s been stated as polysexual in headcanons in the past) but he’s def into multiple genders

otp: obvs gavin. also charlie, which makes me sad because they haven’t........been talking much.........lately.........also chuck >.>

brotp: chuck, charlie, can i say willa? i’m gonna say willa. also lissy.

notp: sarah.............

first headcanon that pops into my head: he feels a lot of guilt over the fact that he waited so long to get chuck out of washington. but even then.....sometimes he wonders if he did the right thing by taking him and bringing him across the country. he doesn’t think he should have left him, but he wonders if he should have done things differently. or if chuck staying with tom, and growing up in fort macleod was really a good thing.

one way in which i relate to this character: i hate all of the people

thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: tbh he’s such an awkward bean sometimes. like.....sure, he’s this surly badass cop guy, but like.......he’s the awkwardest bean.

chet;;

sexuality headcanon: it’s chet!!! who the heck knows!!! does he even know??? we don’t know!!! (but def aro spec)

otp: okay...........so..........i lowkey really ship him with charlie.........also would really............be into...........him and fabien............also anna

brotp: mark, even though we haven’t done anything there yet. you know why. siobahn. lilith. charlie again. also anna. fight me.

notp: lowkey amy. and in most cases just anything actually romantic? idk.

first headcanon that pops into my head: clearly he did tap when he was a youngster. don’t take this away from me.

one way in which i relate to this character: honestly, we all have a little chet inside us, don’t we?

thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: he thought chuck was a sex worker and didn’t mention this until after he fucked him

charlie;;

sexuality heacanon: she’s pretty much straight. it’s unfortunate, because men are unfortunate, but she’s not really interested in ladies.

otp: tom. lowkey ed.

brotp: tom, eph, chet, tony, ed and harry.

notp: ansen. but. well. we haven’t gotten to that yet.

first headcanon that pops into my head: she’s always wanted children and she would make a fantastic mother. but she found out when she was a teenager that it’s highly unlikely she’ll ever be able to have children of her own. tbh it’s part of why she’s so bitter towards amy, because that bitch is fertile as hell

one way in which i relate to this character: people are just......nah.

thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: i’m not sure there actually is anything????

tony;;

sexuality headcanon: he........huh. def not straight. but like.....i’m not sure he’s really labelled himself? he hasn’t exactly had much of an opportunity to explore what his sexuality means to him as a person. i personally see him as bi, but //shrug.

otp: i mean...........charlie tbh........not even sexually or romantically but like.......that is the one true tony pairing, my brethren.

brotp: also charlie. and eph. and potentially mark in the future.

notp: neil. fucking gretchen.

first headcanon that pops into my head: he has totally thought about neil while having sex with amy, oops. and he totally bought a bottle of the cologne that neil used to wear. god, he misses him so much.

oen way in which i relate to this character: i too think that charlie is rad and that her mother and their other brothers should have let her be herself more when she was younger.

thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: he thought it was a good idea to be friends with neil?????

[aarontveit]

chuck, fabien, charlie, eph, pest, callum

CHUCK.

1: sexuality head canon:As much as Chuck has a pretty fluid sexuality, and I believe he’s pretty bisexual, he is just so fucking gay that it hurts. Also, let’s be real, the boy is EphraimSexual. 

2: otp:Chuck/Ephraim & Chuck/Tracy & Chuck/Bradley

3: brotp:Tom, Eph, Tracy, and I feel like one day Ryan could be added to this list(imagine if I could put Aidan *swoons*)

4: notp:Chuck/anyone not Eph or Tracy or Bradley

5: first head canon that pops into my head:Chuck was the kid who secretly liked drawing dicks on everything.Everything. He didn’t know why he was so obsessed with it.He just needed to draw them all the time, because dicks. 6: one way in which I relate to this character:I, too, think that Bradley is disgustingly pretty & want him to bone me.I, too, would take enjoyment out of watching Eph work up a sweat.I, too, have high levels of anxiety & paralyzing self doubt & hate myself.7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:The box. Fuck you, DD.

8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?PROBLEMATIC CINNAMON TOAST. Bye.

FABIEN.

1: sexuality head canon:When it comes to Fabien’s sexuality, I’m not exactly sure? I don’t even know if Famine knows for sure? I think that, in terms of interests of course, that he’s…. like, I really see Fabien on the aro/ace spectrum of things, while also being demisexual in some aspects, if not completely. His sexuality, for me, is complicated in the same way if you were to ask me about Bradley’s - because even though I know that Bradley is gay, it’s still complicated for Bradley himself. The same way Warren’s sexuality is complicated, and even Prestyn’s. It’s all stemming from the things they endured & encountered while growing up with Thierry, you know? And then any & all outside experiences. So yeah, I’d say he falls under the aro/ace umbrella, while being demisexual, but with no real indicators on gender preference (I’m leaning toward polysexual).

2: otp:Bradley/Fabien & David/Fabien.

3: brotp:FABIEN HAS FRIENDS? Tbh, I’d go with Bradley/Fabien or even Ryan/Fabien in the future, and then there’s David/Fabien, whoops. Though, that could change because YOU’D HAVE TO TALK TO ERIN NOW ABOUT THAT HAHAhAHAHAahahahaa ha aha hahahaahahha. I do believe there’s an alternate timeline out there where Fabien & Tracy are bros, though. 

4: notp:Fabien/Drugs. Ariane/Fabien.Fabien/Rehab.

5: first head canon that pops into my head:He couldn’t say Bradley’s name for the longest time and would call him either “Baldy” or “Badly.” 

6: one way in which I relate to this character:I’m not willing to explain this one :) but I can deeply relate to him. Also, eating disorder(s) buddies.

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:That time he did the thing with David tied to the bed.I enjoyed it, I died.But I also died. 8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?Druggomatic Fave. 

CHARLIE.

1: sexuality head canon:I believe Charlie is “whatever the fuck I feel like” in terms of sexuality, but leans mostly toward being straight. Kind of like how Tracy is “strictly dickly” but also loves ladies, except Charlie doesn’t “love ladies.” I don’t know, I don’t know how to explain what I’m thinking. Like, I wouldn’t go so far as to say she’s straight, even though I’m ninety percent sure it’s been said that she’s straight. To be honest, I think it’s hard for me, personally, to ever actually sit back & say that someone, 100%, is straight. 

2: otp:Tom/Charlie

3: brotp:Tony & Tom & Chet, tbh (with a side of Ephraim)

4: notp:ANYONE THAT ISN’T TOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(mayBE tony in a deep/dark corner of mind, SHUT UP)

5: first head canon that pops into my head:I am pretty sure we’ve discussed this, or that it’s in the head canons for one of them, or both, but I’ve always firmly believed that Charlie would end up taking & wearing Tony’s shirts, and Tony always let her because he didn’t give a flying fuck. He loves his baby sis, and if she wants to steal one of his damn shirts, tie one of his flannels around her waist, etc? He fucking loved it. He thought it was great. The second part of this thought though, is that Charlie did this even more heavily when Tony went to prison & she realized he wasn’t going to be getting out any time soon. She didn’t wear them out as much, it was more so around the house. She’d wear one until the smell was gone, & then she’d move onto the next, using them to sleep in. It kept her close to him, and yeah, maybe it was dumb, but it was almost like she wasn’t letting him be alone in there, and that she wasn’t without him outside. God, that’s so sad why am I like this? 

6: one way in which I relate to this character:I, too, took care of my family & had to unfairly grow up young. I, too, watched my brother go to prison more than once.I, too, watched my brother struggle with depression & suicide.

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:There’s actually nothing coming to mind, but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing. 

8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?Sinful Cinnamon Bun. 

EPHRAIM.

1: sexuality head canon:He’s very much pansexual, and is actually heavily demiromantic. I mean, really, he’s also incredibly demisexual, but he feels obligated (when not in a relationship) to be a sexual person, so he ends up being sexual despite his discomfort. Good thing he doesn’t have to worry about that anymore! Isn’t this just such a happy head canon!

2: otp:Eph/Chuck & Eph/Gavin & Eph/Charlie.(Eph/Chuck/Bradley, inevitably). 

3: brotp:Gavin (and Charlie, to an extent). 

4: notp:Eph/Neil.

5: first head canon that pops into my head:He was always an antisocial guy, but it didn’t really come into play just how antisocial he could be until his dad lost the money. He was always working under obligation to make these social appearances, and couldn’t understand some of the looks certain parents would give him (because certain people would have actually known that Eph’s father was an irresponsible gambler). So, when his father lost everything, Ephraim just backed off from everything entirely because there was no longer that feeling of obligation to being a person in front of other people (even though he had that obligation his family). 

6: one way in which I relate to this character:I, too, can be incredibly gay for Gavin. I, too, am horrible at talking about my Level 12 Tragic Back Story. 

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:His dog is named OODLES, for crying out loud!!!!!!!

8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?FUCK OFF. EPHRAIM IS A CINNAMON ROLL & I’LL FUCKING FIGHT YOU. 

PRESTYN.

1: sexuality head canon:Prestyn seems pretty fucking bisexual to me, I don’t know, man. 

2: otp:I DON’T HAVE ONE, ACTUALLY!(I do, but it doesn’t make any sense, bye)

3: brotp:Sage.

4: notp:Prestyn/Bradley, lmao. Outside of the OBVIOUS reason, this is because they are just a very toxic thing because Prestyn, without meaning to, has used Bradley, and it just leaves such a bad taste in Bradley’s mouth, especially when he tried to express that to him (not in the best way, but yeah) and it wasn’t dealt with the best by Prestyn. Which makes sense, but it’s a tricky & complicated situation & it makes me sad as fuck, man. 

5: first head canon that pops into my head:Prestyn acts oblivious to the things surrounding his brothers, almost naive to it all, but he’s really not. He knows, even if he wishes he didn’t know. He doesn’t have the confirmation, can’t really place the alarming images inside his head from when he was an toddler. The nightmares are broken, but sometimes he plays it down to just that; nightmares. If it was all just a nightmare, then he doesn’t have to face the reality & gravity of what has happened to both Bradley & Fabien. 

6: one way in which I relate to this character:I, too, am the youngest.I, too, fucked my brother’s best friend.

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:Anytime he tries to dirty talk, because he’s just….. IT’S JUST SO FUNNY? 

8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?PROBLEMATIC FAVE, AS OF LATE!

CALLUM.

1: sexuality head canon:He’s asexual & aromantic,but the version of himself that he presents to the public is a totally different person. Someone sexual, if not hypersexual, as well as someone who is actively seeking out a relationship (without ever actually committing to one). He goes on dates, but he never settles (because it’s not something he actually wants). 

2: otp:I mean, if anything, it’d be Callum/Matt, but I don’t really have an otp for this asshole.

3: brotp:Matt.

4: notp:see also: Callum/Matt.(tentatively Anna)

5: first head canon that pops into my head:There’s a part of Callum that believes he’s going to have to kill Matt in the future, only because there is no real purpose for that boy (in Callum’s eyes). He keeps him around for fun, but that fun isn’t always clear & evident. One day, Matt will have to be disposed of because, in reality, Callum doesn’t actually need him. Matt is disposable, expendable. He doesn’t need the guy, and he does find him to be quite the burden on the odd occasion - even if there’s a part of him, way down inside himself, that could almost care about him. 

6: one way in which I relate to this character:The only way I kind of relate to this narcissistic piece of shit is my ability to be a completely different person out of obligation when in a social environment. 

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:NOTHING (yet). 

8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?PROBLEMATIC. Not a fave, but he might become one in the future.

[acefaerie]

I think its really understandable that a lot of younger people sort of assuming that somehow not having an attraction to others is seen as a virtue especially by religious groups. 

When i was a teen my lack of interest in relationships was seen by the adults in my life that “oh she is just shy” “she’s been a good girl and focusing on school work” and tbh that was the narrative i told myself.  

except, looking back there was an underlying concern from adults that I was “missing out” on the Ideal Teen Romance TM. I got hints of it when ever I made a new male friend. “Oh he looks like he might be your type.” followed by a hopeful smile. after a while i got the “Its okay if you like girls” because i think by this time my parents had realised “she’s really not that interested in boys is she”.

but these instances were mild, my parents, specifically my mother who is “liberal” mind you, and had many close female friends who were lesbian and bi, kept out of my way. I was doing well at school, i was a “good girl”. So for me i think i get why some young people don’t understand the pressure for people to pair up because when you are in highschool if there is pressure its from peers and generally parents consider you to be “just a late bloomer”. But this is my experience, which was.. 15 years ago, and the world has changed quickly and drastically it may be different for others. It may also be that i am privileged in coming grom a generally accepting family, that is not religious, that would have accepted without question any girls I brought home (in fact i was asked if i wanted to).

My peer group generally either made jokes about my lack of interest or assumed i was gay. the general knowledge around school was i was gay, even my guy friends who never asked me also just.. assumed that was the case. I was lucky in the sense that like my mother most of my friends were either bi themselves and therefore didn’t care or pretty liberal minded. so i was cushioned... except for this one girl Tanya. She was homophobic and hated me because of it, i know this because i overheard her complaining about me one time and it generally was about how she had interpreted any causual friendly touch i had with my other friends as “creepy and weird”. I was forced to spend time with her because one of my “best” friends  was really good friends with her (who we have another story about but its only slightly related to this) and wanted us to hang out all the time. 

Tanya made my last year of highschool hell. She poisoned friends against me, and created a sort of social outcasting that left me without a support group. I was unlucky that a lot of my out bi friends who accepted me dropped out the previous year for various reasons. So i was left with the only people who sort of hung out with me being the largely straight (or closeted best friend who when she did start dating a girl, did so in secretl) acquaintances of those friends, who were easily convinced by Tanya to drop me from the group.

but here is the thing. I never called myself gay, (a am a pan/bi ace yes but at the time the only thing i ever said or did was say “Im not really interested in boys” because I really didnt know what i was) just not being interested  was enough for Tanya. 

besides  my awful experience with Tanya I get why teens think “not being interested” puts a pretty light target on your back. even if my parents were disappointed i didnt experience the “ideal teen romance TM” it wasnt a huge concern. The bullying a recieved from Tanya is also ambigious because she was exactly the kind of bigot who was bigoted against everyone who was different she was basically the epotime of what prejudice people talk about when they talk about the “prejudice tree” where a bigotted person who is biggeted against one thing is bigotted against most things that are different from them.

What was my point. Oh, yes. in highschool the main negative reactions i got were from people sharing frustration and disappointment about me dating (though the “late bloomer” thought pretty much silenced this crowd) and the more aggressive lot who were homophobic and i fit enough of the criteria for them to consider me a target.

The first negative thing, the frustration and disapointment, as an ace i think that has become more impactful the older I have got. The pressure started to hit hard in my twentie. “Something is wrong with you” reactions from people grew the more i became “clearly an adult” Friends who were fine in highschool suddenly treated me like i was a kid who didn’t know anything about anything because “i hadn’t had a relationship or sex what do i know about being an adult”. My parents, though well meaning became more and more worried abut what was wrong with me.

Omg the relief they felt when i had a relationship that lasted two weeks (where i cried the whole time and barely even kissed the person).

relationships and sex are treated by our society as a right of passage for becoming an adult. So its fine to be a late bloomer, but thats what these people think you are “a late bloomer” not fully complete yet, still growing.

my mother who was so supportive in my teens and early twenties started letting her anxiety about me leak through when i spent most of my 20s not even “just single” but actively not looking I think she even once told me she just wanted me to have the experience of a real relationship, after i had one that was online (which was like having one without having to touch a person which i enjoyed, until he came over and there was touching and i didn’t enjoy it as much anymore because both I and he forced me into sexual situations i was not ready for but had been convinced by everyone i knew that that is what you did if you were in a relationship) after him i felt physically ill if i knew a person found me attractive so actively avoided being “too sexy” so people wouldnt.

the first healthy relationship slightly romantic relationship i had was a Queer platonic one, with a woman. Everyone knew we were in love, even my professors. but it remained platonic and honestly helped free me from all the toxic stuff that happened before. Im still incredably close to her. 

at this time though I was in my mid to late thirties, and my families comments had become less “you are too picky” to “Im worried you will never find someone” “you are nearly 30″ “what if you want kids you can’t leave it too late”. 

its all small stuff but it mounts up. its mirco-aggressions that become deafening. Im childish because i don;t like sex i need to grow up, im weird im wrong im mistaken im making my parents sad, why can’t i be who they want me to be, my mother crying because she just wants me to have a special person but never understanding that my QPR WAS my special person because to her that was just a friend, people saying i don’t know what i want, people saying im a loser cos they never see me dating, people telling me they ” think being single is a sign of failure” people telling me that when they call me a prude its an insult and im weird if i dont feel bad for being a prude, people telling me i should be interested, “don’t you find him attractive”, “sex is amazing what do you mean you dont like it”,” i think you are just scared of love”, “you must be a closet lesbian”, “your just a straight faking for attention.” “why are you trying to date normal people isnt there a website for people like you?” “its not our fault there arent many of you”, “your a bad girlfriend if you don’t like kissing he/she will be hurt if you wipe the saliva away or if you say you arent attracted to them”, “you don’t understand what love is” “you are confused” “you are sick, see a doctor”, “you’re abusive,” “ you don;t know what you are talking about”, “your sick, is it a hormone deficiency” “HAH you don’t like sex just get married then you wont get any”, “how can you not feel attracted then,” your abusive if you have sex but not sexually attracted”, “you’re abusive if you dont have sex cos you are with-holding from the other person”, “it's okay if you dont want sex for now know but thats just how relationships progress”, “Why don't you like him he likes you, “” Im worried you are going to be alone for ever” 

The pressure of it used to keep me up at night where i felt i was FAILING everyone i knew because i just couldn't bring myself to feel that way about another person. I became deeply depressed. It was the main reason i considered suicide.

when i finally did enter a relationship again after two years of EVERYONE pushing for it. that pressure stopped in so far as people stopped pressuring me to be with him, but now i feel like i have to pretend to be normal so people will leave me alone, and i feel like part of me is lying to myself.

I worry about falling back into unhealthy patterns where i play the role of girlfriend just so i can stop people from knowing im weird. The only saving grace is this time my partner and I know im asexual. He doesn’t quite understand it but he respects my boundaries. still part of me feels like this relationship is a compromise. he doesn't get it completely even though he tries.  he treats me well and i love him,  Its just getting to this point my twenties were years of me ripping up my insides because of all the things society was saying to me. I felt trapped between the fear of being alone and the fear of having to force myself into a relationship again. 

So i get why young people dont get what negativity you can face for being aro/ace but thats because the virtue of being disinterested is only a virtue if its temporary. and even then don’t underestimate the power of bigots to sniff out a difference to target you for.

[lesbitchka]

(submission)

alright so i’m gonna dump my long long club story in here (cw for q slur stuff, some mentions of prior abuse, kink, drag) this is gonna be really long, i’m sorry! my way of narration is kind of obnoxious

i’m a copresident of my campus’ lgbt group after i was asked by someone in my class to run for office during my first semester at my current college. i’d never been to a meeting before, but i accepted, honored to have been invited. in retrospect, that kind of should have been my first red flag- being asked to step in in an administrative role to a club i had absolutely no familiarity with. i’m a white, autistic trans man who is on the aro/ace spec because of my history of trauma. this will be important later on 

i showed up to the election and was elected handily, because apparently the person i was running against has a history of being abusive? i don’t know anything about that. anyway, at the same meeting, the person who had held my position before me, a nonbinary trans woman, was ousted publically and stormed out of the room, furious. at the time, i wasn’t too bothered by it. this person had a history of posting weird, intimidating right-leaning stuff about “defending someone’s right to free speech all the way up until they act on it”- that includes threats to murder and rape people, in her own words- and mocking club members for mental health problems. all around, a legitimately abusive person that i totally understood why she’d be removed. and over the summer, that was that- no further discussion. 

i moved across the country to the la area to live with my longterm partner over the summer. during that time, we lived in a disadvantaged area that was primarily latinx, close to anaheim, where over the course of the summer we heard a lot of police violence come out of, both on the news and in word-of-mouth from our (primarily trans) friend group. despite being white, this left me worried about police violence towards me for other reasons; ie, i was an unmedicated trans man in a relationship with another unmedicated trans man, subject to different types of police violence should anything happen to our home, which we were sharing with a latinx family. while nothing became of these fears, this, also, will be important 

when i got back on campus, i took up my new position and started getting involved in club affairs. i noticed from a very early point there were some small issues, but nothing that was really a dealbreaker- the club had a strong focus on kink and many board members had a tendency to be very public about their sex lives in advertisements and tabling opportunities for our group, which, while i assumed i was being oversensitive about because of my trauma, i noticed offput several prospective members who investigated our table. when campus police swept through the club fair, equipped and in full uniform, i expressed my discomfort- a holdover from my time in a troubled area, hearing about my white trans male friend face obstruction and hostility when turning to the police in a domestic violence case, having been home for less than a week- and was met by the only nonwhite member of our board explaining that he didn’t feel uncomfortable with the police there, so it was kind of ridiculous that i did and i shouldn’t. which may have been true, but jesus, felt pretty shitty to hear my feelings on the thing were bad. i also requested that we not refer to ourselves as the q*eer club when hosting events and referring to my membership and was told by the same administrator that because he is latinx and likes the word, no one else should have any reason to take issue with it, b/c he was most strongly effected by pulse…? that was his reasoning for why we should keep using the q slur. again, a bunch of small things i could easily brush off, but things that stuck out 

things didn’t get really bad until this semester. over winter break, two things happened. the aforementioned nonwhite board member we had was hired by the school and is no longer legally allowed to be involved in any club’s board. also, i started dating a member of our club, a nonbinary transfeminine person (gonna call them bug for this post) who’s two years younger than me and getting their feet in school. i was feeling really awful after a week-long hospitalization early in the semester and having my longterm partner across the country; they were facing academic difficulties and poverty that will probably keep them from returning next semester, so it arose from mutual need and desire to support one another, with mutualistic understanding of the fact that our relationship is probably on a timeline. bug came into our school hoping to get involved in lgbt activism, so when we had elections after winter break, i encouraged them to try out. 

it’s also worth mentioning that bug was and is one of only three transfeminine club members who would regularly show up to meetings. the other two, who i’ll call mercury and simone, are both older than me; mercury was part of the board before i joined, and simone joined at the same time as bug, due to our awareness of our club’s appearance due to having something like 30 regular attendees and only three transfeminine ones; even now, simone is the only one who identifies as a trans woman, not nonbinary.my roommate, who i’ll call marcie, also joined at this time, becoming our only nonwhite board member. 

so, convergence of events: bug and i start dating, and bug, simone, and marcie all join this club. things are great at first! everyone loves each other, we’re all excited to be working with our friends. i’m overjoyed to have my roommate, one of my best friends, and my brand new datemate working with me on something i’m really passionate about. 

when we try to put together our first event of the semester, though, things go HELLA south. the new director of the board, the boyfriend of the guy i had a couple issues with at the beginning of the year, asks the board what kind of shirts we want for our event: tanks or tees. bug speaks up first, saying that they don’t want a tank because tanks show their shoulders too much and make them feel dysphoric. simone and mercury echo bug’s sentiments; i, knowing that our membership has had some issues with our lack of inclusion for transfemmes, decide to go with the transfemme voices on our board. this becomes the biggest controversy we’ve yet faced as a board. the director becomes enraged, talking about how tanks make him LESS dysphoric, how for our last event he got baseball shirts that make him dysphoric and that he hates (and that he also wears almost every time i see him, hm) so we should make a concession for him to get a shirt he likes. he tells us to vote; me, bug, simone, and mercury all vote for tanks, which means that we have the majority on our seven person board. the situation is now wholly out of control, the director gets angrier and says we’re getting tees anyway, marcie says something off hand about how it’s not a dysphoria contest, which makes bug feel like shit because they brought up the topic of their dysphoria first as a reason they personally wouldn’t wear the shirt if we bought it and then was countered by our director’s claims of how dysphoric tees would make him. simone says that this invalidation of her and bug’s lived experiences and the hostility they were met with for asking for a shirt with transfemmes in mind is transmisogynistic behaviour. remember that guy who got hired by the school? he steps in now to defend his boyfriend and shuts down the conversation (yeah, he’s still in our group chat, despite that being, y'know, illegal.) everyone is furious. more than a few people are brought to tears. 

pretty fucking dumb, right? over shirts. don’t worry, though, we’re heading into some even more ridiculous shit. 

the next time the board talks, it’s to say that we’re obviously all very upset with each other and we shouldn’t meet in an unmediated environment. (spoiler alert: what has come to be known as shirtgate was at the beginning of february and we JUST had a group meeting for the first time ever since that this sunday…) we hold our event successfully despite the fact that half the board isn’t talking to each other. i’m feeling hurt and isolated from my friends and withdraw a bit, spending more time with bug. the board is divided into two tiers: the wider board, and the presidents’ board, which i’m on, and which, coincidentally, is basically just our regular board without transfemmes. ha. the presidents’ board meets and discusses how unacceptable the situation is, attempting to appeal to me to change “sides” because those rowdy transfemmes, right? i’m grossed out and feeling like i’ve been isolated from the group of people i have a vested interest in supporting and stand my ground, officially marking myself as no longer one of the InGroupTM. for the most part, i do nothing as a club administrator from here on out. things are magically out of my hands. hm 

our next big controversy happens when we hold a screening for moonlight, about a week after it won best picture. this is a public event, and many people who are not in our club show up; i assume that all we are providing is advertisement and prepare to enjoy the movie. here’s where me being autistic comes in. the lounge is crowded with people and i’m surrounded by some of my favourite people, including bug, who’s off their adhd meds for now and doesn’t have a lot of impulse control. my friends respond audibly to some of the scenes, cos we’re a bunch of gay kids who’ve rarely-if-ever seen representation for ourselves before. due to being in a social setting where the people around me that i trust, esp bug, are being very emotional and responsive to the film, i can’t really not join in and make noises of excitement too- it’s just the way my aspie brain works, tbh. i feel awesome! this is great! 

it’s not great. the event ends and people are furious, complaining about how the movie was ruined by the talking during a handful of scenes. the board cracks down on me and bug (and, to a lesser extent, simone) for being vocally excited. in retrospect, fair, and definitely something that means i should stay away from crowds more often. however, this was an environment of friends, i thought, not people who’d get really upset with me for unintentionally making sounds of excitement when, for the second time ever, i see gay men represented in the context of a film. marcie is furious most of all, as our only non-white board member, and goes on a facebook rant, vagueing about not just bug, simone, and i, but about our friends and members who were not quiet either. me and bug’s close friend, who i’ll call mirage, is incredibly hurt by this, as marcie uses their non-whiteness to describe why they’re frustrated by this behaviour; mirage is a nonwhite nb kid who was most vocal during a scene in the movie where the protagonist hits a bully with a chair, making an audible joke about it, which they did because they found the scene triggering after they were hit with a chair by a teacher growing up. this was also the moment of conversation marcie had the biggest issue with. bug and i are feeling pretty shitty about our neurodivergences and how the club has previously made promises to be understanding of symptoms, but this seems to only extend to depression and anxiety. the club fractures further. 

we’re basically not talking to each other unless we have to at this point, with bug, simone, and i staying close, marcie, the director, his boyfriend, and their housemate making their own group, and mercury disengaging from all of us entirely. we hold an event. it’s called kink 102 and is the sequel to an event we had in first semester that i missed during my hospitalization, where apparently the director and his boyfriend demonstrated floggers and crops on each other in front of an audience who came to learn about kink, not expecting to be part of a scene. people are very apprehensive about this, especially because we have had several meetings focusing on kink and drag- our director’s passions- and none focusing on, for example, nonbinary people and aroace-spec people in the lgbt community. this becomes a huge point of contention, as several ace-spec people approach various board members and express their discomfort with how overwhelmingly sexual many of our meetings are and how our director seems so keen to involve strangers in his sex life- he has admitted rather freely to being both an exhibitionist and a voyeur. a student makes a public post about how we’ve had two meetings about kink and none about aroace lgbt people. bug steps in and comments a bit snarkily about how much they agree, having heard me, their ace-spec boyfriend, talk a lot about how i’ve been honestly triggered by some of our events; bug is very much not an ace person and is in fact an exhibitionist and voyeur themself, but thinks the issue is this important. i step in as well as a board member, feeling the need to address a public complaint, and reassure them that i would very much like to spearhead a meeting about aroace people, including the different ways it can manifest and how it isn’t equivalent to non-heterosexuality, as the only ace-spec board member. i admit to my discomfort at the environment we often create and say that it’s something we certainly need to work on. 

shit pops off in the chat, but only at bug! not at me! hmmmm!!!! 

bug stops talking in the group chat unless prompted at this point. 

the post goes mostly unresolved; all that happens is bug (and, later, simone, who posted a rather snide comment on the same forum expressing her frustrations with the group as a whole, both backing up me and bug, and as a trans woman who’s been repeatedly involved in drag events now) get CHEWED THE FUCK OUT. simone says something about how we have way too much focus on kink and it makes it seem like we’re saying it’s equivalent to being lgbt. the director loses his shit over this, and says, quote, “Thanks for invalidating my identity. I can’t discuss this further. Erasure of my culture.” which is… a lot, as someone who was abused in the guise of kink by older, paedophilic partners. 

i go to the kink meeting with bug because i want to learn how to tie them up safely and am hoping to learn about knots, but mostly because i feel like if i don’t go, i’ll get yelled at. there is no guide for tying knots. there is a brief discussion of consent, then the director ends up topless, getting whipped against the wall of the student lounge. a friend of mine sits next to me and sucks a fucking pacifier the whole time

we still haven’t met in person in months. this sunday, we finally meet. the director reveals he is resigning and also dropping out of college and tells us it’s mostly because of simone, which, wow, okay, is a lot to hear from someone who i spent hours counceling about whether or not he should go to the inpatient i went to and take a semester off first semester, before simone was ever even involved. the meeting is mostly just that. simone doesn’t come. we have a president’s meeting after, which basically equates to us staring awkwardly at bug until they leave and mercury retreating to their room, cos we hold this at the director and his boyfriend’s house. not weird and awkward, definitely doesn’t feel like we’re having a boys’ club meeting. nope. 

by this point i am distraught. i’m feeling like complete shit because all these people, despite their previous rounds of drama and weird comments, were my friends. i was so excited to work on something i cared about with people i cared about, and now no one even talks to each other. i confess my concerns about everything to the group, and shit gets wild. the director is quick to tell me that things aren’t my fault, but that his issue is with simone and bug. and then he starts getting really shitty. i had previously mentioned how eager i was to protect the incoming freshmen, because my first year of college, i was raped by a trans woman who proceeded to manipulate her way through the lgbt club on that campus to turn people against me and keep me from speaking out, which resulted in my utter academic failure and dropping out. the director begins to tell me that, in my personal goal of keeping freshmen safe, i have made bug entirely dependent on me, that the fact that they don’t talk to half the board anymore is on me, using words and phrases i used to describe my previous abuse to say that, hey, turns out you’re abusive. which… is fuckt, coming from the person who capslocks curse words in the group chat and then has his SCHOOL STAFF boyfriend come in to tell us how justified he is. the boyfriend tells me i never should have expected us to be friends. which i guess is true, but hey, i was introduced to the group by their roommate way back last year, and really didn’t know what to expect at all. i am also told that kink is easily as important as lgbt activism in our history, that it should be considered a part of the acronym, that all these young kids uncomfortable with two three-and-five-year-older people acting out scenes under our banner at our events need to learn their history. any second now i’m expecting our name, LGBTQU+, to grow a k. hilarious that they’re concerned about history now, but me asking us not to use the q slur to describe our members is ridiculous because no one’s bothered by it anymore! 

i meekly offer to step down, but the director says that because he’s leaving and his roommate is graduating, we won’t have a board anymore if i step down, considering bug and simone are ready to leave. the boyfriend and the director lecture me for like five solid minutes about how this is the oldest club on campus and if i don’t stay, it will collapse and that will be on me, basically. so yeah. accusing me of perpetrating the same abuse my ex perpetrated against me, then guilting me into staying to keep our club active- a club that is now reputed for being more focused on kink than lgbt events, for not being welcoming to nonwhite people or trans women (forgot to mention at one point students formed a qpoc group separate from us and the boyfriend was FURIOUS and tried to overtake it, using us, the board that was entirely white except for him :) ), and for being the biggest cesspit of drama on campus. in other words, a club i would very much like to l e a v e. 

i know this wasn’t entirely mogai hell or ace discourse, but there’s shades of every kind of shit in this group, tbh. and i really just needed a place to vent about it. i know we all made mistakes, but jesus, i’m hemorrhaging friends and feeling like dirt, my pals. i just need space to whine. 

oh one more thing, forgot to mention: the director tried to use bug to tell me to get a fetlife, because bug has one, because they’re not ace. also had bug ask me to pose with them naked for one of our event posters to circumvent me talking about how i felt unconfident naked, which thankfully never happened. also seem to think that because bug and i have sex i’m not ace anymore, therefore we shouldn’t talk about ace stuff because we don’t have an ace board member? didn’t know where to put these ones, but yeah! ;) 

ok! sorry for the length of this. thank you for listening! <3 

[survivorsolomonislands]

Episode 10 “The One Where This Tribal Council is a Mess” (Zakriah)

(here we go yall lmao- pippa)

All along it was always me and Aro and that's how it's gonna continue to be until we're both voted out anyways. Idk Mitch has lied to me already twice now and I don't play baseball so there's no third strike here. Ofc Willow and Allie flipped on us and ofc it's just me and Aro like it always has been. And I can't wait to get 10th.

(a while later)

These people aren't even good at lying and Willow was trying to help me literally all along and she was right there literally was nothing she coulda done about it!!! I feel awful that I ruined any trust I had with her and I feel awful for cultivating a relationship with the wrong rookie on numakira. I'm just so fucked up rn and I knew it was happening too.

(later)

She's over here apologizing to Mitchell and NOT ME for this last vote when I literally just left the alliance chat! So that OBVIOUSLY tells me she has no intention of trying to work with me again after this and that pretty much me and Aro have no shot to make it any further in this bih

(even later)

Most of what I just said was very spur of the moment and I don't even remember half of it but tbh me and mitch are on the same wavelength rn and us and aro's lives basically depend on MY MORTAL NEMESES lexi and rtp

(so much later)

Mitchell and Zakriah's guide to surviving Tumblr Survivor: Solomon Islands Merged Tribe. Step 1) Vote with Allie against LA Step 2) Form a vets alliance Step 3) Steal Willow from Allie

(later isn’t even an option anymore)

LEXI AND ALLIE ARE IRL BEST FRIENDS WHAT THE FYCK IS THIS

(3 years later)

MITCHELL IS A FUCKING DETECTIVE HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS GAME IS TOO FUCKING MUCH HOW IS LEXI SO FUCKING STACKED WITH PREMADES IN THIS GAME I THOUGHT ME/ARO/LINUS WAS BAD WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUCK

(everyone has died, Zak is the only one left)

NO HOLY SHIT SERIOUSLY THIS IS LIKE WHEN IN A MOVIE SOMEONE FINDS OUT THAT THE PERSON THEY THOUGHT WERE INNOCENT AND LIKE THE GOOD GUY IS ACTUALLY THE DEVIL AND HAS BEEN BEHIND EVERYTHING THE WHOLE TIME AND THEIR FACE IS LIKE FLASHING EVERYWHERE THEY LOOK THAT IS L I T E R A L L Y ALLIE HOW DID WE NOT FIND THIS OUT SOONER OH MY LANTA

I just wanna say, Jacob, I voted Matt for you.

So there's literally no possible way I can win immunity - one of my two friends in the game exiled himself from the challenge and that leaves me next to be picked off from winning immunity along with Aro, LA, and maybe Allie too tbh. It's basically Allie/Lexi/Willow's comp to lose at this point and there's literally not a single thing I can do to give myself any edge to win at all. Out of nine people competing in this challenge only one person is working with me, and in a challenge that's essentially a popularity contest, 2/9 gets you nothing. I'm willing to accept the fact that Mitchell and I are completely screwed, and it's not helping that Mitchell is quite actually ostracizing himself from the rest of the people. I'm honestly praying he's hiding another idol from me at this point.

i know it's been a while since my last confessional and i don't wanna make a long one rn but allie's bitch ass

SO the plan for right now is to get the majority to split the vote between 2 of Me, Mitch and Zak. Willow is willing to flip with us so we can get ahead of the split and put 4 votes against Lexi or Johnny and get our minority asses back in this game. Not gonna lie Im having a blast being at the bottom with Zak and Mitchell even though Mitchell is kinda rude towards Willow >.> . We are basically the 3 amigos/ Witches Coven of the season but we will be successful know that!

Oh my GOD if I pull this off... If i pull off this 4-3-3 vote tomorrow night it WILL be the single best play I've ever made in a game. Like I'm honestly shaking. This is either aboutta go so horribly wrong and Willow is lying to us all or it's gonna go extremely well and I won't know until it's either me joining Jacob, Dana, and Matt on the jury or it's Johnny joining them. I have a vote negator, but my history with vote negators has not been a fun one. I would kill to have an idol, but if I make it through this vote, which would literally be the biggest miracle ever, I fully feel like I can retake control over my fate in this game. All hope may NOT be lost!!!

(a little bit later)

ooookay... So I just lost literal years of my life planning a Johnny blindside and now he's trying to take out Allie!!! Everyone is literally fucking VYING FOR OUR VOTES right when we thought it was a clear majority against us! What the fuck this game is so hilarious I don't know what the fuck to even say right now!

(yall thot huh)

Wow I can't believe we just orchestrated a 4-3-2-1 vote. Like imagine how lit it would be for the two people voted as most likely to be voted out next in the challenge were to literally take the 3-2-1 cirie patent vote and upgrade it to a fucking 4-3-2-1 vote! Im beyond shook at this like ive been spending the last three days absolutely certain I was gonna be the next voted out and now as far as I'm concerned I should only be seeing my name once or twice this round. I feel like ciera rn bc I'm making a big fucking move! Game changer Zakriah razzak!

Okay so I need to start writing more confessionals. BUT HOLY FUCK SO MUCH JUST HAPPENED. Okay so first to start off I won individual immunity, and I even had a one rope disadvantage, like how the heck did I do that! I mean it was just Touchy Subjects, but still, I never thought I was gonna be able to win a challenge lmao. Also I'm too tired to finish writing this confessional so I'm just gonna submit and write more tomorrow goodnight lmao.

If everyone's telling me the truth, which why would they, we get to make the sole decision on whether to keep around Johnny or Allie - the two people controlling the whole game. And the best part is that either one of them getting taken out is one less rookie to pick off me/mitchell/aro (and rtp and lexi but screw them), and then that plus my flare gets us at the very least a tie if we piss everyone off with this vote. But, hey, they left us in the dark last time, it's time for some revenge anyways! And then, after we finally get the upperhand again, we can avenge Dana too! I'm still out for blood rtp

(ive avoided this for days)

Mitchell is saying this tribal council is essentially a sitcom episode and if it is it would be called The One Where This Tribal Council is a Mess

(he’ll be gone soon, don’t worry)

Literally we're looking at rtp targetting johnny but voting with allie bc he doesnt think theres numbers to get out johnny and so its "supposed" to be a rudimentary vote split against me 4-3-3 a la queen daisy peacebeuponher but IN ACTUALITY what we're looking at here is johnny reneging and trying to blindside allie in some kind of mess of a 5-3-2 vote WHEN REALLY willow is "using" the three of us to get out JOHNNY in a FUCKING CRAZY ASS 4-3-2-1 vote that's gonna be something like johnny-aro-alie-me and i honestly... LOVE THIS

OKAY SO LET'S FUCKIN DIVE RIGHT INTO IT going into last tribal something was a miss bc of a certain miss willow sayin cryptic ass shit like "i'm sorry i can't stop what's about to happen" and so i knew then that we were fucked. the suspense of waiting was alleviated by allie basically saying she flipped and it wouldn't be on me; i could've guessed it would be matt since she hates matt, but i never thought she'd actually flip and do it bc i don't see how any of us would benefit from leaving a solid 6 to form a very volatile merge but WHATEVER and then i exposed allie and lexi's pregame relationship and close irl friendship and thought i'd blown myself up, particularly after wILLOW TOLD ME SHE FUCKING ALREADY KNEW INSTEAD OF TELGKIEFFREFIURHDIF TELLING ME TO CHILL, and NOBODy seemed to think that it was a big deal. combined w that, i fuckin bought my ass a trip to the cave and couldn't compete in immunity so FUCK me but  then also... good things zak guilted willow HARD about what allie made her do, which was particularly effective bc willow already felt like it was bad for her game. so while allie is saying we should vote LA, then saying johnny and RTP told her no so we can't, i'm like... we need willow rn to flip on this dumb twerking girl who is so far up these kids' ass yet MIRACULOUSLY still has willow up hers??? and zak does in fact guilt her into trying to get everyone else to split the votes so we can do something like get LA out or whatever but i'm sittin here like... alright... who gotta go? and it comes to me. johnny the frat boy, my lover and archenemy!! miss chrissa and dana send their regards bitch!! it seems to me that johnny has a certain degree of control over LA and Luca, and as long as he's in a potential rookie or nuTemoana faction could be reunited or resurrected on his behalf. i don't want that. the game gets more open with him gone. so zak laid the groundwork for willow's flip, and i get to her and convince her the flip gotta be on johnny. it's almost too good to be true. a 4-3-3 vote agaisnt mr frat boy keeping i, mitchell kalabang, still in the game w my f3 of zak and aro and now w miss willow on our side??? FUCK YES and then zak finds a flare that allows him to burn someone's vote at a tribal council, which means if willow stick w us worst-case scenario at the f9 is rocks. things are fallign into place, i'm so JFIOHWEIODFH EXCITED BC it's gonna be HUGE and it's almsot too good to be true when johnny's frat boy ass says he wants to get out allie w me, la, zak, aro, and him. ????? johnny wants to flip on her ass bc of my expose about her and bc she's controlling willow. little does he KNOW that willow already flipped against allie and on HIS ASS and that allie is no longer a threat bc people know that she and lex are friends. so now johnny thinks it'll be like 5-3-2 or something but in actuality it'll be more like 4-3-2-1 johnny-aro-allie-zak which makes me sCREAM THAT"S  SO FUDI*CVJOWDIS FUCIING EBEAUTIONFGD BEAUTIFUL AND ICONIC but THEN RTP FIWEODJFD  COMES TO ME AND ASKS TO MOASMDFUIBHWENDS make a move against johnny and i'm all ike ???D<EKODJFKLJWD iorhejdgio YOUWDFI(JF hwo are you people giving such a clear mnoritjy THISF IOWJDMFIO much POWMERUIOFMWEIOFDJ POWER and he can't get LA on board so he resigns himself to the split vote between aro and zak tellign me about it even tho it's supposed to be a secret but little does he know that i already know about it and i also know that it's a farce bc willow flipped and that it's not even happening bc JOGNY flipped and rtp targets johnny who targets allie who splits the vote betwween aro and zak w rtp bc he can't get the votes aginst johnny while aro and zak are gonna tke out johnny bc WE have the votes and i'm CRYIORJHdf cryin i really think we might actually get the 4-3-2-1 and if that fucking happens i'll literally fuvkcixghnfei shit myself on call somehow i mitchell kalabang am coming out on top?? and i like johnny legitimately to some extent and he might want to work w me, but johnny has also lied to me and has multiple other deals and alliances, and i can't work w that if he's gonna keep shit shady. zak and aro have been loyal and honest to me since day 1 so i'm ridin w them boys and i hope you use all the money you're in charge of as treasurer of the frat to drink yourself into a stupor so as to neuter the humiliation ur gonna feel at being outmaneuvered by fuckin willow. ALSDOJQSOFD speaking of shady miss allie like... first she flip, then i find out she got a #secretpairbeware, and i'm like ???? this BTIHDCIH she might wanna F3 w me and willow but AGAIN how am i gonna play w u when u say shit like "i know you said you didn't wanna do this and take out matt and i respect it so i got literally the entire rest of the tribe to do it instead and against u without telling u haha we still good tho i own you and control you" she seriously got so cocky after that and so self-righteous in defending herself about the lex thing and it's like... girl how the FUCK am i still savin ur ASS after tonight LMFAO the #obvioustension i've felt between me and LA is gone i think, we've had some rlly good chats lately and welp it's gonna suck for her when i now snake HER but whatevs!! and RTP and i are prob good now too considering he told me about his johnny plot and then about the split. considerin i'm gonna do his work for him and oust johnny he shouldn't be too mad lol ! idol searching i fucking went into a cave and my choices were octopus and moray eel and y'all had to be fuckin kiddin ME but ofc the cave fucks me up AHFUIEWHD AGAIN and no second idol for mitcherell kalabganfger but whatevs Somehow, everything has lined up to give me an unprecedented amount of power for someone who felt helplessly on the bottom after Matt, who I feel was an actual tick in this game harming me more than helping me with his poor gameplay and social skills, was voted out. I think I've played an influential role in getting this vote together and in forming a group that can now move solidly forward. I just... if this all works I'm going to cry because RTP going for Johnny going for Allie going for Aro/Zak who're going for Johnny without RTP knowing is a fucking sitcom episode. I can't fucking breathe. If the 4-3-2-1 is what actually happens tonight i might literally cry laughing on call for tribal. mitchell kalabang is not dead yet!

also biggest VILLAIN?????? how the fUIHEWDRHJIernfuier what've i done this season but been lied to and love dana i jsut... and they fucked up w what they said bout luca bc now he's pissed and i'm all like... come to papa :)

IM STILL SO WORRIED EVERYONES LYING TO ME THOOOOO

Okay so, in Touchy Subjects I tied with Johnny in the category "If you could not win the game, who would you most like to see win". And I'm very confused by this because I literally thought I wasn't a threat to win at all. Johnny I understand, he's the one controlling everyone, he's the one calling the nuTemoana shots, and so if he made it to the end he would win no doubt. But me on the other hand, I haven't exactly done much, like I've tried to make good social bonds with everyone, and been honest with everyone, but yeah other then that I'm kinda confused how I got the majority in that category. Onto another topic though. I never thought I would ever say this, but I'm actually pretty damn excited to go to tribal tonight. I have individual immunity, so basically I 100% made it to single digit placements, which is amazing!! Anyway onto the vote. It's going to go great because Johnny thinks Allie is going home, but in actuality Johnny is going home. I guess I sorta convinced Allie, Lexi, and Ryan to split the votes on Zak and Aro. So the vote should go 4-3-3, if all goes according to plan. I'm really hoping this works bc Johnny wont expect it, and it'll get the biggest threat out of this game. I really like Johnny though so I hope he won't be too mad and that we can be friends once this is all over.

[survivorsolomonislands]

Episode 8 “Worst case scenario: Everything else”- Johnny

Well the last thing I thought would happen happened... my plan actually worked, like flawlessly. Everyone did what I wanted them to do, nobody turned on me, I didn't get a single vote, I can rest easy for two days at least. I got rid of a rookie, possibly an idol, and solidified something with Allie and Willow and even Aro and Zak. Jacob is on the outs now so I hope he feels bad. Hey Jacob, next time you're gonna throw someone under the bus make sure they're not driving it!! Would honestly love to vote him out soon, maybe we'll merge maybe we won't.

(a little bit later)

I think this is for sure going to be the biggest tribal(s) of the season. RTP seems ready to draw the line and get rid of Mitchell and has ordered me to get rid of a Makira, but I made the decisions to tell Mitchell that RTP is afraid of nuMakira, because I don't really see myself working with nuTemoana because I only trust RTP out of those people, like Jacob tried to throw me under the bus, Luca tried to throw me under the bus, Johnny and Lex both withheld from me that Luca was gunning for me even though I told Lex when Luca threw out her name, so really why would I wanna work with them? Like a number's only a number when it's specifically my number. I think come merge, if Mitchell or Dana gets voted out of Makira and Jacob gets voted out from Temoana it'll be Dana/Mitchell, Willow, Allie, Zak and Aro vs. RTP, Lex, LA, Johnny, Luca and me smack dab in the middle, or so it would seem, because even though I may be the swing vote I really am actually in a good spot with Dana and Mitchell, and I'm not a flipper, I'm actually leading the charge. Interesting...

(a medium sized bit later)

At this point even if I get blindsided tonight I'm probably playing the best game I've played so far, I've got solid alliances worked out where I am sort of the mastermind, yet at the same time I'm able to play both sides. Ryan trusts me and trusts that I'm gonna be all Temoana strong, but honestly everyone's a fake ass Temoana except me I've literally never left this beach. No one knows how far i'll go, except I hope it's final tribal. I think tonight may be drawing the line, maybe just pencilling it in a little bit if Mitchell plays his idol. I may still have a slight chance to pretend like it wasn't me who told him but who knows. If we go into the merge with a 7-4 advantage it doesn't necessarily matter. We can pick off whoever's left 1 by 1 and I can get to the end hopefully with Mitchell and Dana, or Allie and Willow, or Zak and Aro, haha I hope nobody catches on to how well I'm playing this game. Tonight for Temoana the plan is to blindside Jacob, he's really fake in my opinion, but honestly I'm lying to him too so I guess so am I? But he started it so that's his fault. I'd love to blindside him right after Daisy, especially since he got votes last tribal council like how could he actually think we just decided to switch to Aro, and then he's like dictating to me that we should split between Zak and Aro and I'm like a giggly little hyena bc you need more than one person to split, unless you're Debbie.

First off, I'm SHOOK that I won the first individual immunity of the season. Holy crapola I didn't see that one coming, so that's pretty good for me, even though it does put a HUGE target on my back, but I'm just hoping that my social game is strong enough to the point that people will forget about me winning the challenge. I really wanted Willow to win the challenge, so she could give immunity to Jacob, and now i'm really torn whether to give immunity to Jacob or not, considering he's my closest ally in this game, and now I really really have to think. The main issue is that giving immunity puts a HUGE target on Jacob and my back's as a duo later down the line, which is concerning. I'm not at all worried about this tribal council, even if I wasn't immune, which is why I'm a little pissed off that I won it, because I really didn't need it, it paints a target on my back, and Willow was going to give it to Jacob, but one thing I do know is that i'm guaranteed top 11 now, which is pretty good, and I'm about 2 more tribals away from beating my record from Survivor: Tibet (side season, placed 9th), so I'll take that. I honestly can see myself winning this game. My social connections are up to par, I have a really good connection with nearly everyone in the game, except Aro and Dana, and hopefully those are the two going home in both of these tribal councils, and funny enough, I'm pretty sure that both of them have immunity idols too, so worst case scenario, both their idols get flushed and Mitchell or Matt/Zak will go home, all of which I don't trust too much either. I think it'd actually be a travesty for my game if Mitchell went home, because I'm really really vibing with him well, and I'm hoping that this split vote doesn't cause any dissension, however, I think I can rebound and make sure I'm not one of his targets, if he survives this tribal council, which It's about a 50-50 shot whether he survives or not. As for my tribal, the plan is for LA, Luca and I (the people I trust most to not flip their votes and try something ballsy) to be voting for Dana, while Lex and Ryan are going to be voting for Mitchell. Just in case Ryan tried something ballsy, to keep Dana safe and take out Mitchell, who I know Ryan would prefer more to be voted out more, I need to keep Ryan's vote planted on Mitchell, so just in case he was supposed to vote Dana, and tried to switch the vote, he wouldn't even be able to switch his vote to Mitchell since he's already on Mitchell to begin with............ if that makes any sense. As for now, I'm hoping merge is around the corner, I'm ready to get this game REALLY on the road, and I am fairly confident in my abilities to make it to the final 8 of this game at least without getting targeted, and we'll see how it goes from there. I truly can see myself with one of the higher probabilities to win this game, and I think people are seeing that as well, and I just need to hope that it's not me at the final 6 or 5 getting blindsided, and throwing my ass onto the jury. It's gonna be a tough game, but I'm ready for it to pick up and start playing the way I know how to..... slick as fuck (throws sunglasses on). It's game time.

I'm zakriah and I can't even find an idol when I have a clue Also either Jacob is going or its tying with me and going to rocks tbh and thats all I have to say about that

I hate this. Being on Ulawa has fucked me over so much, everyone is well connected and has alliances and I'm basically on my own, all I can do is hope people want me as a number so they keep me around. I have a terrible social game, I'm a shy person, and being trapped on Ulawa for all those days has not helped my situation. Its down to Aro and me, and I have no interested in working with Aro, not that I had any interest in working with Aro but a lot of people are loyal to their second tribe and I'm not, I don't have that to fall back on. My goal is just to make jury at this point. It would be awesome to have at least one person I trust, but Jacob is being weird? We basically use each other for information and he said he'd bring me into whatever he had going on, AFTER the merge so I'm like okay.. We're one world but OKAY. All I can really do now is hope Ryan, Johnny and Luca are telling me the truth, that they want either Dana or Mitchell gone and not me. I hate it so much though, I kind of hate not having a say or level or control but this isn't like Ulawa so I can't just go for it, I need some tact here.

OKAY. WELL THIS MOTHERFUCKER (YES ME) FOUND THE IDOL!! I was screaming honestly, because according to what everyone had told me, I was 99% sure that Dana had it, according to what Willow told me. SO! I asked Willow where she thought the idol was, just so I could double back and see if it was really gone, so I'm casually searching, for the first time in forever, not using my random.org strategy of searching for idols, and I ask Willow where to look, and she tells me exactly where to look and then... On 4/23/17, at 5:13 PM, Andrew (Solomon Islands/Hawkins Host) wrote: > Congrats! You have found a hidden immunity idol! You must play this idol after the votes are cast but before the votes are read, this idol can be used to save anyone up until the final 5. I FUCKING LOST MY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT. All day I had been contemplating giving immunity to Jacob to ensure his safety, and now I am able to be so much smarter with it. So immediately my first thought is that I'm 100% giving Jacob the idol, keeping my closest ally in the game, and biting the bullet by losing the idol in the first place, but it's fine since any suspicion of having an idol can be a MAJOR hurt to my game, so I took it like a hot potato, threw it in Jacob's direction, and now he's going to play it at his tribal council, and idol Matt out of the game. Here's the sad thing about this (and by sad, I mean fucking hysterical). I told Ryan last night that he needs to message Matt, and make sure Matt understands that him and Jacob working together is the best move, and that if all six of us make the merge, then we're in an incredible position.......... WELL, Matt didn't take that advice, and instead lied to Jacob's face, telling him that him, Allie, Willow and Jacob were going to work together to 2-2 the vote, and then Matt went behind Jacob's back and said there was no chance he was doing that. So now, Jacob is going to use his idol, nullify the five votes against him (since Willow and Allie are bitches and would rather take the easy vote than stand up for a close ally of theirs), and take out Matt, and it is going to be GLORIOUS! This means that Matt's alliance with Allie and Willow frees them up into my hands, it frees up Ryan's previous allegiance to Matt, and focuses his attention more on Lex, Jacob, Ryan and I as a foursome, without Matt involved, and it basically gives me a severe amount of control in this game. As for my tribal council, finding the Makira idol means that there is a very slim chance that Dana actually has one, but I can't stop the splitting the vote plan I made up because then LA, Luca, Ryan and Lex are going to know I was the one who found the idol, and gave it to Jacob, and I don't really want that to happen. Jacob and I are the only ones in the game that fully 100% know what is going to be happening at both tribal councils tomorrow, and if everything goes according to plan: Matt and Dana going home, we are headed into a potential merge with 4 veterans and 7 rookies. TAKE THAT MATH! Honestly, I could see the split vote going poorly in a sense, but I do know that they're targeting LA, and personally I don't give too much of a shit if LA goes home, but the only way it wouldn't work is if Lex AND Ryan flipped on me, and considering Mitchell is trying to get LA to vote for Ryan, I don't entirely see anything going south this round. . However, if things do go south on my tribe with the split vote, I have a SHIT ton of quotes that Ryan has said about not trusting Mitchell that I can hopefully use against him. Either way, I've got Luca, Allie, Willow, Jacob and I working together, hopefully able to swing things at merge if things do go south, and I've still got six people on my side (hopefully), and potentially even swinging in Aro to get him to wanna work with the rookies he started this game with. I've got a plan B to my plan B in this game, but I'm hoping I don't have to drop to plan B. This is probably the only round of the game I can see things going south, but I highly doubt that things will actually go south, and I'm going to be more than okay this round with both tribal councils going exactly how I want them to. Best case scenario: Dana and Matt go home, with Aro burning his idol at tribal when Jacob whips his out. Next best case: Mitchell and Matt go home, with Dana's idol out of the picture. Worst case scenario: Everything else.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VSwosbWktg&feature=youtu.be also this because YAS: [4/23/17, 2:09:11 PM] Matt: I want final 3 with you and Mitch [4/23/17, 2:10:17 PM] Dana: i would absolutely love that. like that’s an ideal situation for me, and i think it would be really fair 2 [4/23/17, 2:10:26 PM] Matt: I agree [4/23/17, 2:10:36 PM] Matt: I don't think we could beat RTP

ok so i havn't made a confesshy in a while but here we GO so the challenge was a load of barnacles but we won so idc??? and miss daisy goes home MAYBE with an idol so??? all good to me!! the important thing is that i've been talking to people. in particular, i've been tryna shore up relations w luca, johnny, and LA; been talking to them for a while, tryna establish trust... you know, dancin. and i think we've been vibing really well which made me feel good bc i like them!! i like people for the most part in one world, which is one of the most intricate elements of the game - from here on out, we all know each other. votes are gonna get harder for that reason. and then i'm dancin at junior prom, come back and see i may have been the first infected with the virus, and then we're goin to double trbal. FJWROIDHFLCUI i fucking hate double tribal. the whole point of the tribal stage is just that - you're a tribe. if you can come together and win, you get to stay a tribe. double tribals undermine that and punish everyone for nothing. it's ridiculous and goes against the very point of the tribal stage; they only work in seasons with more than two tribes. tribes are supposed to stay in tact if they win, but there's no chance to do that here, which is dumb!!!! but ANYWAYS idk what's gonna happen bc i'm all prom'd out and like everyone... but then miss matt, my BOY from day 1, pulls me and dana into a chat to say that RTP is gonna strike at us tonight. matt had already informed me that RTP wanted to me nuMakira vs. nuTemoana in the merge. there's no chance he'll know for sure how tight we all are so maybe he thought he could divide and conquer us, but if jacob goes home on makira, we might be seeing willow/allie/aro/zak/matt/dana/me kick some grassy ass post-merge!! and that's bc i'm playin my idol and gonna send RTP's ass home. i thought i had real relationships w the people here on nunuMakira, but I can't blame them for wanting to vote me out. RTP, on the other hand, is gettin too big for his britches and just had to fuck up a good thing. i knew this would come eventually - there's a reason this kid hasn't reached single digits in seven times playing and it's bc he sux - and of course he just has to fuck up somethin good and now he'll pay the price. either he votes for me w everyone else and i play the idol and he's gone and he feels a fool, or i play the idol and he votes dana and we both still here and he knows that his time is numbered bc matt is a good boy is it too much to ask to just get a good cute alliance together and ride it out??? why y'all got such a BONER for BIG MOVEZZZ and #BLINDSIDEZZ????? old school survivor is legit the best way to play the game and it was the best era of survivor too so fuck y'all goodbye mitchell kalabang ain't goin home tonite!!

Mitchell, stop telling me that I'm your ride or die. We've been on the same tribe for four days, and just because I smoke weed and I'm in a fraternity does not mean I trust your ass. Do you think I haven't heard stories of you leading a charge to take out Lex and Karen the first round of this game, and that you were the one calling the shots on the old Temoana, and that you probably have more connections in this game than anyone? I love that people in this game think I'm stupid. It's starting to fire me up... Let me tell you something. If you think I don't know what I'm talking about in this game, that means that you haven't had a strategic conversation with me yet, and that means I don't trust you. Everyone can take note of that for the future *puts on shades*

  We're getting at a pretty far moment in the game right now and I think it's showing, these votes will be crucial when determining which players will be in the right spots come merge. There's this feeling going around, a constant mash of anxiety and paranoia, nobody really trusts each other and it shows. Johnny is really well-placed right now but he's my closest ally at this point. There's a rumour going around that Jacob is going home in the Temoana tribal which will be a big, big warning sign. The issues with Matt still haven't fully healed and suffice to say, I don't trust him at all. As about our vote, I'm very paranoid. I'm being told it's a 3-2-2 vote split, with 3 on Dana and 2 each on Mitchell and LA. This plan should hold together but will it really? Dana is a huge threat to my game, she's been throwing my name around and she has much closer allies in this game than me. So I guess we'll see what happens.

Ok so currently I have like an insane Jacob who is like "It's 5-1 me, you targeted me, this is your plan!" which I mean, is true, but like what the fat hell who thought it was a good idea to tell this crazy ass twink that he was the target because now he could play an idol or do something or expose me to nuTemoana and now I wanna actually shoot somebody :)

this is so dumb but if it works i s2g i'm gonna LAUGH i've been telling like luca and LA that RTP threw their names out knowing that if they were with RTP that would get back to him, and matt confirmed to me that it did FJWMIDSOFJCW my plan's been to make RTP mad and since he's so arrogant he'd be like "oh well mitchell gotta go he's shady" well BITCH it's intentional shade you think i'd get caught??? the funny thing is that it's ridiculous. playing so bad on purpose to get caught without everyone else knowing it's a setup so they vote for you and you idol someone out.... i love the concept but then again it's so fuckin stupid there's no chance it'll work but if it DOES im gonna SCIOEFKNDCEWDISJ tribals gonna be fun bc i know im not dancin outta here yet :) oh and if jacob plays an idol and takes out like matt, and they split the votes and dana goes home here, and we merge right after and my numbers are me, aro/zak, and allie/willow against the world... worse shit could happen!! at least i'm beatin my previous placement know THAT ! (remember when i said the same shit in machu picchu but then actually did go home lol well at least this time i got mr idol :'] )

RIP ME. Stop being so casual Matt, because if you fuck up, I go home. They better be voting Mitch tonight so he can play his idol, because if not IM IN TROUBLE. Also if they split, i'm also probably in trouble unless we can talk LA and Luca into flipping in like a single minute. Basically Matt just told us that Willow and Allie told Jacob that Matt was targeting him for the vote- AND YOU'RE PROBABLY THINKING- WHAT DOES STUPID TEMOANA AND THEIR LAME ASS VOTE HAVE TO DO WITH THE MAKIRA VOTE?. THE ANSWER: LITERALLY EVERYTHING. Matt is the informant from Temoana lettin us know that RTP is coming for me and Mitch, and if this mix up with the Jacob vote got back to RTP then we're fucking screwed because Matt may have inaccurate information about who is going home on our tribe. Who knows what the odds that this happened are, or that RTP decided to flip the vote on me, but irrelevant, but i'm just hoping Mitch and I idoling out RTP doesn't backfire tonight. Here are the scenarios I see happening tonight: 1) Everyone actually is voting LA like RTP told Mitch and I. Mitch and I will still vote RTP, Mitchell will waste an idol, and we lose everyone's trust on this tribe forever (unlikely). 2) Everyone votes Mitchell, we vote RTP, Mitchell idols him out in the biggest heroic fuck-you RTP has ever seen. 3) Everyone votes for me and not Mitchell, I have no idol, and I leave here as a queen who has been wronged by her tribe. 4) They split votes (a big risk), and either i go home (again, as a queen who has been wronged)  if it is 3-2 for me, or if it is 3-2 Mitchell RTP and I will tie, at which point Mitchell and I start threatening Luca, LA, and Johnny to vote with Mitch in revote. 5) Something else upsetting happens and i die a spiritual death in the process. [4/24/17, 6:37:22 PM] Dana Barry: is you tribe solid for the vote? [4/24/17, 6:38:11 PM] Matt: Yeah except they decided to tel Jacob I organized the plan to get him out [4/24/17, 6:38:19 PM] Matt: They pulled a Laura Boneham [4/24/17, 6:38:27 PM] Dana Barry: who the fuck told him [4/24/17, 6:38:38 PM] Dana Barry: like that didnt need to happen [4/24/17, 6:39:47 PM] Matt: The girls [4/24/17, 6:39:54 PM] Matt: And like don't blame me [4/24/17, 6:40:06 PM] Matt: Because I was working as a spy to the other tribe and now they know I'm a flipper [4/24/17, 6:43:55 PM] Dana Barry: do people on our tribe from nuTemoana think you flipped? [4/24/17, 6:45:00 PM] Matt: I don't know [4/24/17, 6:45:05 PM] Matt: Jacob might have exposed me [4/24/17, 6:45:23 PM] Matt: in which case I'm worried [4/24/17, 6:45:24 PM] Matt: But idk [4/24/17, 6:46:00 PM] Dana Barry: yeah that would be worrisome, because if he did they could be lying to you about who is going on our tribe tonight so that we’ll waste an idol [4/24/17, 6:47:38 PM] Dana Barry: i wonder if there’s any other way to confirm [4/24/17, 6:49:21 PM] Matt: No clue WISH ME LUCK 2NIGHT CREW

Okay so I'm pretty sure our vote is gonna be a simple 5-1 vote for Jacob, which I feel really bad about. Because Jacob is someone who I really like and have wanted to work with from the beginning but I accidentally screwed that up. I hope I can be friends with him after the game, and hopefully backstab Matt because he's highkey a shady bitch. Allie thinks Matt is just trying to scare us into being his ally. Anyway I hope tribal over on Makira goes well, and that either Ryan or Lexi get voted out since I know them the least.

RTP i'm swingin my big ass dick w my idol around it and u ain't touchin me or that idol but i'll make sure to smack u with it on ur way out