#because i can actually write somewhat decently with my left hand lmao. just doing it normally wouldn't have worked

[flecks-of-stardust]

[image description: a three panel comic of Pizza from Chicory. They are wearing a beanie, a scarf, a dark colored shirt and light colored shorts. In the first panel, they are receiving mail from the bug diplomants. They are visibly confused by the turn of events, and are saying, “... what?” In the second panel, they are looking down at the letter with a frown, muttering, “Uh...” The paper is very tattered, with crinkles and rips in it. The third panel shows the letter from their point of view as they are holding it. The letter is even more crumpled, with a variety of tears in the page. The text is jagged, barely legible, with multiple scribbles scratching out attempts at words. The letter reads: Dear Wielder The bugs of Feast (scribble) humbly (scribble) request your service. (Tear in the paper) Come find us deep in the Grub Caverns on the (scribble) outskirts of Dinners, the north city. Sincerely, Queen Drosera There is a similarly jagged doodle of Queen Drosera’s face in the bottom right corner of the page. Pizza is even more confused than before, thinking, “... Cool...?” end image description]

rewatched some chicory content out of boredom and i had a thought

[thebluestbluewords]

HEIST HEIST HEIST

I saw this post today and got inspired, SO here is Descendants Could Have Been A Heist Movie, thebluestbluewords take :

(this is very much an outline and not a full fic yet, but I might yet write this someday)

Taking this whole heist movie idea very seriously, this would be (and might yet be if I have the time for it) a fic about how the first Descendants movie would have gone if it had been a heist movie, rather than a fairytale.

The main plot of the movie is no longer about learning to choose good and seeing that kids don’t have to follow in the footsteps of their parents- it’s now a high school political intrigue about stealing a wand.

(don’t worry about the larger themes there- the wand might be stolen for many self-serving reasons that go beyond 'doing what their parents say'. Maybe they’re stealing it to make a larger statement about opening the isle. Or about how treating villains as villains is wrong and they deserve trust because it makes things so much more fun for them in the long run)

(can you tell I haven’t decided on the overall tone of this AU yet lmao)

The story starts when the VKs are being told to get the wand, hand it over, it’ll be easy.

Sure, they say.

Sounds great, they say.

Give us your spellbook and magic mirror and whatever else you’ve got to give, and we absolutely won’t use them to betray you and open the isle on our own terms, they don’t say.

(this story ends before we get to that point, but the implication is there)

The kids arrive in Auradon, as in canon.

Unlike canon, they don’t immediately go for a break-and-enter approach to the museum, because if they’re going to heist this, they’re going to do it right. A good heist takes planning, and patience, and research.

What they do is wait until the weekend, and then inform the school admin that they want to get to know the culture of Auradon.

The museum seems like a great place to start, Evie says earnestly.

We didn’t have anything like it back on the Isle, adds Mal. It would be such a good learning opportunity for us.

And we could see the town. And the candy store. Say the boys.

The school admin caves, because it would be wrong to deny these kids a chance to get to know this history of goodness! They’re just teenagers, and they’ve been doing so well with their first week, and of course they can go into town, do they want a school car to drop them off?

They do not.

The museum is kind of a bust. They spend some time scoping out the security, but they’ve had a whole week to magically-google everything they can about this place, and it’s not much of a surprise that there’s a functionally unbreakable magical alarm system set up around all of the objects.

Time to reassess the plan.

(this is where the political intrigue comes in)

Ben is still a Fundamentally Decent (if slightly boring) guy in this.

Of course, he’s also the one on the line if this whole villainy exchange program goes wrong. It shouldn’t be a surprise that he would come to check up on his flagship students after they have a day out exploring the town.

Oho, Mal thinks. Here’s something they can work with.

Ben is sweet. He’s not terribly interesting, at least at first, but he seems like a guy who genuinely cares about the idea of bringing villain kids over, and can probably be manipulated to their purposes without too much effort.

So the VKs think over their potential plans to get the wand, and decide that yeah, if they can get an in with the future king of Auradon, that’s probably a pretty solid place to start.

Unfortunately, they decide to start this attempt by blatantly flirting.

Audrey is very much a political presence in this fic. She’s not evil by any means, but she is goal oriented and doesn’t necessarily love the idea of VKs coming in and altering her five year plan for herself and her boyfriend.

(I think Aurdey is an interesting character, and I wish she’d been given some better motivations in the first movie beyond ‘mean girl in a high school movie’. So in this fic, where they do still crown the incoming royalty at sixteen, they also believe in setting up children for advantageous marriages. Audrey and Ben have been pushed at each other since they were kids, and yeah, maybe there’s not a lot of actual love between them, but they’re friends and it’s way easier to just date each other and make their parents happy than refuse and risk losing the sway they get with their parents by being the good little obedient golden children who are happy to be put together if it’s what’s best for the future of the realm.)

The point of this is, the VKs send Mal in with her very best flirting, taught to her by Evie in a truly hopeless training montage, and it just-

Fails. Completely.

And now Audrey sort of hates them.

Great.

The other unfortunate piece of this heist is that the relationships between the co-conspirators, the core four, are….somewhat intense. Charged, if you will, with a certain kind of tension.

I’m not saying that Malvie hook up in their pink princess dorm room on the first night and then don’t talk about it for the rest of the story despite blatantly flirting with each other all the time, but yeah actually that might be what I’m saying.

This is the middle of the fic now, and there’s some kind of political drama that leads to the VKs finding out about the coronation.

Maybe it’s teammate bonding, because I think it’s tragically underutilized that Ben and Jay are canonically both sports bros and I want more of that sweet high school sports team drama content.

The point is, they find out about the coronation, and that the wand will be out and about during that day.

Oho, they say. An opportunity.

Building on the sports bros theme, Lonnie gets to be in this story! She’s a cool character and I have a couple of unfinished ideas for her kicking around my fic drive, so she’s going to be here too.

Lonnie finds the VKs in a somewhat compromising state of planning.

Uh, what the fuck is this, she says.

What do you THINK, says Mal, who is not known for keeping her mouth shut.

Looks like...some kind of statement that you’re going to make during the coronation, says Lonnie, who is a nice person and also didn’t hear/see all that much of the planning before she was noticed. (as I’m typing this up I am also remembering the School of Secrets shorts?? Lonnie is absolutely going in this fic as someone who spies on her new friends. It’s almost like canon. She’s the daughter of Mulan. She can sneak when she wants to)

Yes. Exactly. A peaceful political statement, says Evie, who is often a quicker thinker than the others. We are going to… sit at the front in protest. Of how we have been treated. As villains. We deserve the same respect as other students, regardless of who our parents are.

Lonnie is surprisingly on board with this, because honestly, based on some of her costume choices in d1, magical disney utopias seem to be overwhelmingly white for the most part and do not know how to support their international students very well.

(am I still mad about the awful dress she was wearing during the family day scene?? yes.)

So now they have Lonnie on board with their made-up protest plan, and they’ve got Ben and Jay being… actually bros, weirdly enough, and somehow there’s got to be high school political intrigue that I haven’t thought through yet (maybe a group who doesn’t approve of the villainy exchange program is trying to get Ben declared unfit?? Idk. Maybe it’s just different mini kingdoms angling for a good position, and it matters Very Deeply who sits where at the coronation and it’s a whole deal. That one probably works a bit better.) and it’s altogether getting Pretty Far Into Things.

Family day isn’t a big conflict in this AU, because the VKs don’t really care about the whole family gathering and party business without Mal being involved with Ben. They decide to have a chill time hanging out and plotting their heist instead. The wand is going to be taken out before the coronation, but rather than try and grab it in the middle of things, it’s got to be easier to grab it right before or after, while it’s in transport.

They have multiple people who can pick locks. People who can charm guards into letting their guard down for a bit. Ways of getting around even electronic lock systems, given some time.

They hang around the classroom a bit longer after their parent phone call, and get to talking with Fairy Godmother about how maybe, possibly, they could get a real place up at the front during the coronation. It’s a good distraction, and hearing more about the logistics of how things are going to go on the day itself is a perfect segue into asking more about the objects that are used during the coronation. It’s important to understand their new home! No other reason they’d want to know about the history and powers of her wand.

No other reason at all.

They learn that the wand is going into secure storage in Fairy Godmother’s office for the day before the ceremony. Of course, it’s going to be safe enough there. The magical wards at the museum are mostly there in case of emergency, and they’re really more about making sure none of the objects get damaged than they are about theft.

There are no more villains in Auradon, after all.

All things considered, it’s shockingly easy to break into Fairy Godmother’s office the night before the coronation. The wand is in a safe with some magic barriers around it, but Mal has her mother’s spellbook, and Evie has a magic mirror that can look up the answer to pretty much anything they ask, so it’s short work for a pair of magic users who have been practicing their spellwork since they day they left the isle to break the temporary barriers down.

There’s a regular human lock as well, and they give that one to Jay. He’s their lockpicking expert, after all.

And there it is.

Mal grabs the wand. There’s a surge of magical energy up through her hand, burning everywhere she’s touching the silvery metal, but in a way that feels like strength.

And all hell breaks loose.

[zosonils]

Crossover you say 👀

OKAY SO. SONIC COLOURS/MEGA MAN CROSSOVER

i don't have much in mind story wise, but i'm thinking it takes place under the same conditions as worlds collide, which i insist on believing also happened nearly identically offscreen in the game timeline because nobody can tell me otherwise. fairly basic setup of eggman and wily teaming up to cause problems on purpose and sonic and rock working together to stop them, and now there's wisps in the mix >:O i'm sure i could think up a fun excuse plot for why sonic colours happens twice and also mega man is here now, but mostly this was just an excuse to put the special interest in the hyperfixation and come up with some fun weapons for rock based on my first and favourite sonic game

each robot master is based on a wisp from either version of the original colours, which causes a little confusion given that you end up with two burst men and drill men but these ones have different EWN-XXX serial numbers and are entirely unrelated to their canon mega man counterparts. i haven't actually drawn the robot masters yet or thought up designs or personalities, just come up with their weapons and what stage they'd inhabit, but maybe i'll do that sometime. the robot masters are something like this

EWN-010 BURST MAN - weak to drill dash, gives bursting blaze, sweet mountain stage

EWN-011 ROCKET MAN - weak to cubic satellite, gives rocket jump, terminal velocity stage

EWN-012 DRILL MAN - weak to spike spin, gives drill dash, tropical resort stage

EWN-013 HOVER MAN - weak to rocket jump, gives hovering shockwave, starlight carnival stage

EWN-014 LASER MAN - weak to frenetic void, gives prism laser, aquarium park stage

EWN-015 CUBE MAN - weak to prism laser, gives cubic satellite, wii game land stage

EWN-016 VOID MAN - weak to bursting blaze, gives frenetic void, asteroid coaster stage

EWN-017 SPIKE MAN - weak to hovering shockwave, gives spike spin, planet wisp stage

i wrote up some really detailed information on how all the weapons work but i'll put that under a cut to prevent this post from getting too long! if you don't feel like reading massive paragraphs of game design ideas, here's the microsoft paint scribblings i did of all of them [sonic is there too]

BURSTING BLAZE

a chargeable attack that blasts out a sphere of fire to deal damage. charging it longer sends the fire out further and increases its damage output, but costs more weapon energy. without any charging it's a pretty standard low-range attack, but at maximum charge it functions as a screen nuke on par with the likes of rain flush, tornado blow, or astro crush. if rock takes damage while charging bursting blaze, he'll automatically release it at whatever charge level it was at when he got hit. in addition to the obvious usefulness of a fucking screen nuke, a less- or uncharged bursting blaze can be a handy way to quickly get some personal space in a tight situation.

cost: 1 unit when uncharged, 7 when fully charged [28 uses uncharged or 4 fully charged from a full gauge]. has five in-between charge levels costing 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 units from least to most powerful.

i came up with this name first because i wanted it to have blaze in it because i fucking love blaze the cat.

ROCKET JUMP

an explosion that launches rock much higher than a normal jump would take him, about the height of one screen. in addition to the explosion at the bottom dealing damage, rock's body deals contact damage until his upward momentum stops, which tears through enemies with low health or a weakness to rocket jump but doesn't protect him against bulkier foes or stage hazards. while he can still move left or right while rocketing upwards, the only way for rock to stop moving upwards is to either naturally run out of momentum, hit a ceiling, or take damage.

some platforms can only be reached by using rocket jump.

cost: 3 units per use [10 uses from a full gauge]

obviously a joke based on the rocket jump technique in a lot of video games, lmao. rock blows himself up and ragdolls so hard he clips out of the interstellar amusement park and sonic watches as he falls past every kill plane and into infinity forever

DRILL DASH

a dash attack slightly faster than the slide going straight down, sideways, or diagonally down-left or down-right, similar to the pile driver but shorter and without upwards reach. has fairly low attack power, equivalent to two mega buster shots, but pushes surviving enemies back, allowing them to be hit again and again with a chain of drill dashes. underwater, it moves significantly faster and further, and can be fired up as well as down, unlocking eight-directional dashing.

if rock hits a solid wall he'll bounce off of it, but if he hits certain types of dirt-like walls he'll drill into them, which can uncover helpful items like health and weapon refills and occasionally 1-ups or e-tanks [probably in scripted locations].

cost: 2 units per use [14 uses from a full gauge]

i've never played mighty no. 9 but i've seen footage of like the dash thingy he can do? because it probably looks kinda like that.

HOVERING SHOCKWAVE

fires a shockwave that doesn't hurt any more than a standard mega buster shot [unless the enemy in question is weak to it], but stuns most enemies and has a fairly decent range. if you fire it in midair and then hold down the attack button, rock's falling speed will decrease dramatically, and he'll continue to float until either he hits the ground, the attack button is released, or he takes damage. hovering will cost additional energy, and if hovering shockwave is used in midair it can't be used again until rock hits the ground at least once.

cost: 1.5 units per use [19 uses from a full gauge], plus an extra 3 units per second of hovering, for a total of a little under 9 seconds of hovering taking the initial shot into account.

this one's pretty directly lifted from the hover wispon in sonic forces.

PRISM LASER

a laser projectile that either bounces off or goes through anything it hits a set number of times, maybe three to five. if it destroys an enemy its movement is unchanged; if it hits a wall or an enemy that doesn't immediately die to it then it bounces instead. can be fired in all eight directions, but once fired its trajectory is out of the player's hands. basically imagine gemini laser, then imagine it being obscenely better in every conceivable way. best used in enclosed rooms where it can bounce around a lot and doesn't have much opportunity to get lost offscreen.

some rooms have prisms in them like the ones in colours that automatically redirect prism laser, guiding them to destroy enemies blocking paths and the like.

cost: 6 units per use [5 uses from a full gauge]

cyan laser was my favourite colour power when i was a little baby because haha bright colour funny sound go wheeee. prism laser is probably overpowered because of this bias lmao.

CUBIC SATELLITE

summons four [?] orbiting cubes that shield rock from one hit each. they deal damage to enemies they touch unless said enemy is immune to the power. standard shield weapon, blue cube is a lame overly situational gimmick and i couldn't think of anything better. rock can still fire and charge his mega buster while shielded, but obviously can't use any special weapons. every time a cube is destroyed, the remaining ones spin faster, looking something like the tubinaut badnik from sonic mania. that's just a visual effect i don't know what else to write here it's a shield weapon.

cost: 3.5 units per use [8 units from a full gauge]

i think i'd like shield weapons more if i knew how to use the attacking ones to actually attack. i used leaf shield about 3 times in mega man 2 and every time i flung it in the wrong direction and got hit anyway.

FRENETIC VOID

sucks in any enemies that rock is facing for as long as the attack button is held down, drawing them to a point just in front of him. when released, the blasters on his arms [which in this form morph to look like the purple frenzy mouth] crunch down in front of him, dealing slightly more damage than a charged mega buster shot to anything that's been pulled in close enough and knocking back anything that isn't destroyed. rock can't move while using frenetic void, and if anything hits him while he's vaccuuming he drops the move without the finishing bite or knockback. this move can also draw in most types of bullets, which are absorbed and disappear if they reach the void, or continue in whatever direction they were pulled in if the move ends before they get there.

cost: 3 units per use [10 units from a full gauge]

i thought it'd be cool to combine purple frenzy and violet void somehow. i used void for the robot master name because i believe in sonic colours ds port supremacy, but the decision was ultimately pretty arbitrary.

SPIKE SPIN

what top spin wishes it was. a close-range attack where spikes emerge from rock's body as he does a speen, giving him a somewhat bigger hitbox. when he hits an enemy, he bounces off of it in a manner similar to the way sonic bounces off of everything he hits. the move lasts as long as the attack button is held down, draining weapon energy over time, and rock can still walk and jump while speening. some projectiles will bounce off of spike spin [generally small bullets like those from mets or sniper joes will bounce off while anything stronger will still hurt], and holding the move makes rock immune to spikes, allowing him to walk over them safely until his weapon energy depletes.

some items may be tucked away in places that are difficult or impossible to reach without walking over spikes, requiring the use of spike spin to reach them.

cost: 4 units per second, for a total of 7 seconds of spinning from a full gauge. the first unit is depleted the moment the button is pressed so the move can't be scummed into lasting longer.

honestly now that i'm thinking about this i might change spike spin to act a little more like how pink spike spindashes, but i was overcome by a desire for justice for top man.

i don't know how to end this post lmao but i've been thinking about this crossover for days on end. i know damn well it's a pipe dream but right now i'm in just the right mode of hyperfixation that if sega and capcom announced a sonic/mega man crossover in a video game that isn't smash lmao i would ASCEND

[jeonjeonggukenergy]

Anti-Hero

summary ~ in search of wine at a party that’s so not your scene, you run into jungkook, the weeb from your film class, and become determined to learn just how much he lives up to his big reputation.

pairing ~ jungkook x reader

genre ~ fluff, smut - college!au

wordcount ~ 8.5k

warnings ~ 18+ only! smut, explicit discussion of kinks/sexual preferences (yay healthy communication), dom/sub undertones during both discussion and sex (dom Jungkook, sub reader), mentions of daddy kink and degradation but both are a no, marking, biting, hair pulling, spanking, they both have a srs pain kink lmao, brief oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, creampie

a/n ~ SO excited to finally have this chapter out for yall! it’s a huge one and i’ve been working on it for quite a while, this includes the first full smut scene for this fic and i would love to know how yall like it or any other feedback. i really enjoyed writing the character development in this chapter too! they’re so cute and whipped for each other already hhhhhh. thank you so much for loving this story so far, i’m really looking forward to writing the rest. hope you enjoy! ❣️

previous: chapter 1 | chapter 2 ~ next: chapter 4 (coming soon!) 

~ read on ao3 ~

CHAPTER 3 ~ particular, perfect

You concluded your walk home by ditching your shoes at the door, swinging your bag off your shoulders to the floor, and plopping down onto the couch immediately. Pulling all three nearby blankets over yourself, you realized you still weren't quite comfortable. You looked around for a second, puzzled, until an absentminded clutch of your boobs reminded you why. Triumphantly, you reached into a sleeve to untangle your bra and chucked it across the room with a deep stretch of relief. Okay, time to overthink again.

Jungkook? What the fuck?

Wait. A bag of chips on the kitchen counter caught your eye before you could descend any further into panic. The perfect emotional crutch. You clutched it to your chest like a safeguard against your own internal monologue, anxiously shoving handful after handful into your mouth. After about thirty minutes spent motionless on the couch with one hand shoved in the chip bag and the other distractedly scrolling through Twitter, your eyes suddenly widened and your hand froze, dropping your next bite of chips back into the bag. Fuck. You had just eaten nearly an entire family-size bag of chips before what could end up being your first fuck in over a year. Well, maybe this was part of why you hadn't gotten fucked in over a year. No, don't go there. You shoved down your own insecurity, knowing you'd just been too busy for a relationship and honestly, probably still were. But that wasn't going to stop you today.

You shook the chip dust off of your hands and got up to head to the shower, turning up your trashiest throwback playlist of getting-ready bops and resolving to at least shave your legs. Going in with no expectations was probably the best strategy here, but it never hurt to be prepared.

~

Having cleaned his apartment in record time, Jungkook was now at the gym. After triple-checking that his roommate Jin would be in rehearsal until 10pm at the earliest, he quickly scanned all the common spaces and his bedroom and realized he didn't actually have that much work to do besides politely closing the door to Jin's still-decent-but-somewhat-messier room. To be honest, Jungkook had mainly bought himself the time after class so he could shave just in case. But then he figured if he had to shower, he might as well hit the gym first. So here he was, burning off an unprecedented amount of nervous energy. Settling comfortably into the leg curl machine, he turned his music up and started on a low weight to put in reps until his thighs burned and his head felt pleasantly empty.

After completing his normal leg day rotation and dutifully stretching, Jungkook prepared to head home. He walked out of the gym feeling more energized and centered, barely even flinching when he switched his AirPods off to say bye to the nice girl at the front desk and the action accidentally blasted "Whistle" by Flo Rida from his phone speaker for the whole lobby to hear. As he walked back into his apartment, the kitchen clock let him know it was only 4:30. He had plenty of time. Jungkook hopped straight into the shower, shampooing his hair, shaving everywhere he normally did, and savoring several extra moments to relax his muscles under the hot stream of water. Finally, he toweled off to wrap up in the black t-shirt and cozy matching sweatpants he'd carefully stacked on the counter. Offhandedly singing to himself in the steamy mirror, he checked the time on his phone, deciding he might as well go ahead and text you before he got nervous again and did something stupid. Like chickening out completely.

hey its jk! im ready when u are :) my apt is 344 glencoe rd #1521 (yes its on the 15th floor sry D: )

His charming old-school smileys lit up your phone while you still had a leg perched on the bathtub's edge.

"Fuck!" you reacted. The hiss resounded, thanks to the too-good acoustics of your cramped bathroom. Your razor clattering to the floor, you paused your max-volume 2000s music to check the message, and then the time. Only 5! That wasn't dinnertime yet. Plugging his address into Google Maps, though, you realized it was a 15- to 20-minute drive from yours on the opposite end of campus. Even if you got ready at light-speed, you would get there closer to 5:30. Which was a bit more reasonable. He was being reasonable! You should be ready by now!

You leaned over to pick up your razor and cursed again as the water stream grazed the blouse you'd left on out of laziness. You'd showered this morning, so there was no need to repeat that with your shave, but now you'd have to change outfits completely. Feeling like an idiot, naked from the waist down but now all the way wet, you peeled the shirt over your head slowly to preserve your good hair day and glanced down at the dilemma you'd been facing. The patch of hair between your legs stared back at you like the final boss of stupid societal beauty standards. You'd only shaved down there once, as an anniversary present for your first boyfriend the summer before college, and it had been a fun, smooth novelty for about two hours and then itchy, red, gross-looking, and miserable for about three weeks. Also, it had kind of made you feel like a little girl, which creeped you out when you thought about why guys would prefer it. You'd been debating whether to try it again for the past fifteen minutes, because if there was ever a right time, this was probably it. But now you didn't have time, if you were going to be respectful and not keep Jungkook waiting. Well, this was the real you. He could take it or leave it.

Slathering a quick coat of lotion over your freshly shaved legs, you prepared to get dressed in a soft pastel sweatshirt and a flattering pair of workout shorts. Wait, should you wear lingerie? Was that too try-hard? You didn't really even need to wear underwear with these lined shorts, which could be a cool-girl move, you supposed. You settled on a cute white sports bra to go with the shorts, not wanting to deal with a real bra and hoping it still appealed to Jungkook's casual, athletic style. You checked yourself in the mirror briefly before grabbing your bag, confirming you looked chill enough but still felt like your best color-coordinated self. Heading out, you shoved a tin of chrysanthemum green tea in your water bottle pocket. Why not?

~

You whizzed over to Jungkook's apartment, yelling along to "Sex With Me" by Rihanna from your throwback playlist to hype you up in the car. When you knocked on his door after a nerve-wrackingly long elevator ride, Jungkook welcomed you with a "C'mon in!" amidst a mouthful of shrimp chips.

"It's not really dinnertime yet," (yeah, no kidding, you thought) "I went ahead and worked out but it's still kind of early, so I figured we could just have a snack and do the homework first."

"Sounds good," you affirmed. "I'm not really that hungry," (read: there's no way I can eat chips AGAIN right now, I'm going to bloat so badly) "but I brought tea so I can go ahead and make that if you want some too!"

"Oh cool, thanks!" Jungkook accepted. "Are you sure you're not hungry though?"

You almost gave into his sweet pout, but managed to convince him, and soon you both sat at the table with laptops open and twin cups of tea. You had a blast working together for the first time, acting out your "conversation" for the discussion board and pretending to respond spontaneously to each other's points like you hadn't already excitedly rambled back and forth through them in real life. You hit "send" five minutes apart, your idea to not seem too suspicious, and kept raving over Rear Window in between. As the sun lowered outside his living room window, you moved on to making the ramen.

After three offers to help Jungkook, all of which he denied, you simply made another steep of the tea, leaving a mug on the counter for him. Standing at the bar counter sipping yours, you enjoyed all the tiny, cute noises he made while chopping green onions and sprinkling extra garlic in the seasoning, like an anime character who came with his own sound effects. You could tell he made these recipe additions every time, because bulk quantities of the same simple ingredients lined the counters of his cozy kitchen. When he beat two eggs and dropped them into the pot, though, he couldn't seem to find a lid, and eventually settled on trapping the steam with a plate. You both waited on the egg for a silent moment, your foot bouncing under the bar while Jungkook restlessly acquired a slight wiggle. As he took a sip of his tea, a strand of hair fell over his eyes, and he yeeted it out of his face. Your inner language nerd cringed, but there really was no more apt word to describe the action.

You offhandedly said you liked his hair long, and he replied with a smile, "Maybe I'll have to keep it then."

"Do you like it too?" you wondered.

"Honestly no, it's kind of inconvenient."

"Oh, then why would you keep it?" you immediately asked back.

"Well..." he dragged out. "You like it? Maybe I should keep it if it looks better this way."

Your eyes crinkled appreciatively at his thoughtfulness, but then you backtracked. "Wait, no, it's okay! If you don't like it, don't feel like you have to keep it just because of something I said. You can do whatever you want."

"Hm, yeah." A demure smile tugged up the corner of his mouth as he lifted the plate from the ramen pot.

You watched him drag a chopstick through the floating, now-cooked egg to tear it into ribbons, then divide the noodles between two generously-sized bowls. He carefully wiped down the drips of broth from each bowl before sprinkling in his fresh toppings, then walked with you to the table.

Serving you with a pleased smile and a slight nod, he announced, "Dinner!"

"Wow," you mused playfully. "So gourmet."

"I'm really particular about my ramen," he admitted. "I have it down to a perfect routine at this point."

You took your first slurp of his particular, perfect ramen. "Well, it's really good. I'm impressed. And thanks for making me dinner, you didn't have to do all that."

"Oh, come on, it's instant ramen," he laughed. "Nothing special. And you brought the tea, so thanks. And thanks for coming over. And doing the homework with me. And...yeah." Rambling again. Why did he seem so...nervous? You were nervous. He couldn't be nervous. What reason did he have to be? But the twitch of his mouth under his wide eyes, his slightly reddened ears, his hand skittering over his neck—fuck—to ruffle his hair...every action turned another page of his open book. It felt infuriatingly unfair that genetics had assigned someone so sweet and shy and unsure of himself to that fucking body.

While you both ate and talked, you kept catching glimpses of any small flashes of skin you could find, as his long sleeves fell to expose his forearms and the wide neckline of his boxy black shirt gaped around his collarbones. What was wrong with you? Even if this did eventually turn into a dick appointment, the boy still had literally all of his clothes on. You tried to refocus on finishing your noodles, while your brain screamed at itself in shame that you could get this turned on by the sight of someone covered from neck to ankle.

Jungkook ate surprisingly slowly, probably because he kept pausing to excitedly explain his favorite things about the Cowboy Bebop episode you were about to watch together. You smiled into your tea through every out-of-context fun fact and "wait, sorry, that might have been a spoiler!"

Finally, he reached the bottom of his bowl and insisted on both taking your dishes to the sink and leaving them for him to clean later. "You sure you want to start on episode 2? Not 1?"

"Yeah, I remember well enough and your summary helped a lot too!"

"Okay, if you're positive!" he double-checked, grabbing the remote.

Gingerly lowering yourselves to the couch in sync, you avoided looking at each other as you both tried to calculate a comfortable distance between you. His hand looked ready to either hold yours or lower to your thigh, but he retracted at the last second, smoothing it over his own leg anxiously and still clearly itching to make a move. You shuffled closer to him until your thighs barely touched, and he shifted to slink an arm around you, letting your head rest on his well-muscled shoulder. After pressing “play”, he began wiggling slightly again, subconsciously grooving to the old-newspaper-style intro. Spike Spiegel appeared on the screen, his broad shoulders squared into a slouch as he listlessly watched TV. Jungkook kicked one leg over another and stretched his arms out symmetrically to echo the pose. Raising an eyebrow, he waited until you acknowledged him with a faux grimace and a hand to your ear, imitating the old man in a lab who’d just called up Spike for a new mission. You both burst into laughter and settled back into your former arrangement, Jungkook holding you imperceptibly tighter. Though you tried to stay staring straight ahead, wanting to genuinely appreciate the anime, you kept catching his doe eyes in the corner of your sight as you both giggled and gasped your way through the episode.

After avoiding eye contact too many times, you finally tilted your head for a cute sideways view of his face. He leaned toward you too, shyly closing the gap to touch his warm lips to your nose, then lower. You responded immediately, rolling your body with his so your chests met as he pulled you up into a full, deeper kiss. The longer you explored each other's mouths, the more Jungkook punctuated your movements with whimpers. He seemed hesitant to let his hands roam away from your face and neck, but his high, breathy moans made it clear that he was just as into this as you. Your hands had naturally found his taut waist, and at some point you started to bring them back up to his face too—but as your short nails grazed his chest, a particularly sensual, voice-cracking moan interrupted you. You drew back in slight surprise, blinking your eyes open to scan from his face to his body.

He followed your gaze, both slowly settling on the massive tent in his pants. You froze. Your breath grew heavier, confronted with evidence of his physical attraction to you, if nothing else. After regaining his composure, he laid a useless hand over his lap in a delicate attempt to distract you and brought his other hand up to tap your face lightly.

"Is this okay?"

His eyes glittered with equal parts hunger and concern.

"Yes!" you nodded, too quickly, too eagerly. "Yes, this is totally okay. Sorry if I'm being weird, I just...it's been a while." You cringed internally at your own words, but couldn't seem to avoid putting your foot further in your mouth. "I haven't really, like, hooked up like this before—like, I've had sex, but never really outside of a relationship. But don't worry, I get this is more your thing, and I'm totally down if you are. I just don't really know what I'm doing, and you clearly do."

Jungkook blinked at your admission, then his face twisted into something curious, inscrutable. Would he decide you weren't worth the potential for drama? His lips flattened out to a tight line, then pursed to speak, and you looked down at your lap, hoping he wasn't as embarrassed of you as you now were of yourself.

"Well, I've never had sex sober."

Your eyes flashed back up to his. A complex half-smirk offset the furrow in his brow as he exhaled in nervous relief. "So, I don't actually know what I'm doing here either."

You tried to delay your response as you processed the implications. "You mean..." You tilted your head for better eye contact, hoping to convey empathy but not pity while you silently contemplated how to proceed. "Never?"

"Yeah, I've always shown up to parties and the hookups just...happened. Nothing I didn't want, nothing bad like that, but always spontaneous. So I guess we're kind of meeting in the middle, because I've never really had to plan ahead for a situation like this and, uh, figure out what I want. Beyond, yknow, wanting to get laid in the moment, of course." Jungkook laughed off the end of his explanation, but the smile never quite hit his eyes.

"Well, okay, let's pause right there." You sighed. Something in his words didn't sit right with you. "What do you want? I want you to be sure about this, of course, but more than that, even—what do you like?"

"I..." he chuckled, sheepish, shaking his hair over his face again. "What, you want me to just tell you? Like, what I'm into?"

"Yeah," you shrugged, trying to project more confidence than you felt in hopes of encouraging him to keep opening up. "I want you to be able to communicate, I want you to be comfortable. And I want to know what you like, so I can make it as good for you as possible."

With your hands still laid flat on his chest, you felt his heart rate jump a tiny bit, and took the liberty of digging your nails in just slightly deeper. His breath caught him, and then he caught himself. "I don't know, I just want what you want."

Jungkook struggled to appear nonchalant as you rolled your eyes with an "Oh, come on," challenging his avoidance. Every instinct was telling him yes. He could hear his mind screaming at him to be intentional for once and let you take him, if not farther, then deeper than ever before. But he still hesitated, because being intentional in this case required him to be real. He had always been a fairly private person, but something about you made him feel so comfortable so fast that it counterintuitively made him more nervous. Of course Jungkook knew you weren't all innocent at this point, but the risk remained that you wouldn't really be down for everything he secretly wanted to explore. Even worse, though he didn't truly think you would, you could easily turn around and spin anything he revealed into yet another graphic rumor. Especially since you had no skin in the game yourself. He glanced down at your fingers, tensed into his chest, and narrowed his eyes.

"Why don't you tell me what you like first? And then I can tell you where we overlap," he grinned competitively. Your eyes widened as he tossed the challenge back your way. Not backing down, you flattened your hands and steeled yourself to settle the stakes.

"Fine—but only if you promise not to just go along with whatever I say. I'll let you know anything that's a hard no for me, but otherwise I want to hear at least one thing that's not on my list. I really do want what you want, that's how I am too, okay? So..." you paused to slide your fingertips over his collar and drag it down with a light scratch, now directly on his skin. You smiled with your eyes, enjoying the way he naturally responded with a hitch of his breath again. "Surely you can think of something specific."

He nodded quickly, before he could convince himself to back out. "Yeah. Promise."

"Okay," you confirmed, slightly nervous but determined to go through with this, for Jungkook's sake if anything. Seeing his body come alive with each new twist of the situation was building your curiosity, not to mention turning you on beyond belief. You could barely stand the warmth of his skin under your hands, so you drew them back to fold in your lap as you began. "So. Uh. To start. I've never really laid it all out like this either. I really like neck kisses? Like, a lot." Equally unused to this kind of directness, you wrung your hands together nervously, but sucked up the boldness to keep elaborating. "That's definitely, like, a big thing that turns me on...and then getting marked up and everything is really hot to me too. Like you can honestly go really rough with me on that, bite me even. I don't know if this is weird but even though it's annoying to cover up, I love taking off the makeup at the end of the day and seeing all the bruises on myself. Knowing I was walking around all day with that as my little secret." You swallowed shyly before continuing, but Jungkook interrupted the brief silence immediately with a hushed "Fuck."

You turned to face him fully and he didn't even move to meet your stare, eyeing the space above your sweatshirt's wide neckline like he was ready to devour you. Emboldened, your smile grew.

"So...yeah. I like being bitten, marked up. Mostly, uh," you rubbed a slightly trembling hand over your shoulder, "I'm just really into pain in general. Obviously not the bad 'I'm too dry and you're jackhammering me' kind of pain, or like, anal. Anal is a hard no. But things like biting, or hair pulling, or overstimulation. Or, like—I don't really know how to explain this, but...getting held too hard? That deep pain like when you get a massage when you're sore and it hurts but it's good, yknow?"

Jungkook looked like he was about to vibrate out of his skin, breathing shallow and rapid. His eyes flicked up to meet yours, just in time for you to whisper in conclusion:

"I love that feeling."

You suddenly looked away, reticent. A thick silence swelled between you, until he composed himself enough to punctuate it. "Okay. Yeah. Pain. So like, BDSM?"

"I mean, kind of? Sure? I don't have much experience with that and I don't really need the whole power dynamic aspect; I just like the, uh, physical pain. I wouldn't be opposed to trying further, but one thing I do know is I really don't like being degraded. And I'm not into the whole daddy kink thing either. I'm just not gonna call you that, sorry," you laughed, and fortunately he giggled too. "But I know that's not, like, necessary to the rest of BDSM, and the part about giving up control is still...interesting, for sure."

"Wait," Jungkook cocked his head, making a mental note of your last sentence before he went back to the previous one. "What do you mean, being degraded?"

You half-chuckled, half-cringed, never having needed to explain something like this, especially to a guy you hopefully were about to fuck. Cheers to better communication, you supposed.

"You know, how some people when they do dirty talk are like 'yeah, you little slut, you're such a whore.' I don't like being called any of that. Like it's fine that other people like it, there's nothing wrong with that, it's just really uncomfortable for me."

His brows knit together as you explained, and he shook his head so fast it almost looked cartoonish, like a little kid refusing vegetables. "Yeah, no. Don't worry, not really my thing either."

You sighed in relief. "That's nice. I feel like it's, like, weirdly common with guys. Maybe just the kind of thing people learn from porn."

"But you still like it rough, huh? Did you learn that...from porn?" he half-joked, trying to overcome both his shyness and his gritted-teeth arousal.

"No, I don’t like porn. Most of it’s really unethical. I learned from experience," you sassed back. "I don't have a whole lot, but enough to know what I like."

"Well. Hm." He worked his tongue over his teeth, poking one cheek out over his tensed jaw. You couldn't get enough of watching him grow fascinated by your every revelation, and you were preparing to keep pressing further when he beat you to it, posing a question. "Is there anything you haven't tried before, but really want to?"

Your face heated up instantly, tasting your own medicine. You looked back to your hands, breaking his intense eye contact to give yourself the courage to be even more uncomfortably honest. "I...I...um." Your first attempt at disclosing your fantasy came out as a squeak. Swallowing, you set your shoulders and tried again, selfishly reminding yourself Jungkook seemed so eager to please that this was 99% likely to get you exactly what you wanted. "I've always been, uh, really into the idea of, um, getting spanked. I've been, uh, too nervous to ever bring it up, before now obviously, but it's definitely one of the biggest kinks I've always wanted to try. Maybe being tied up too, I think I'd like it if I tried but I haven't thought about that as much. But, yeah...spanking, definitely."

"Fuuuuuuuuck."

A lengthened version of Jungkook's earlier under-breath exclamation made you peer up at him. Your thighs already pressed together from the tension of admitting something totally new, you found yourself needing even more friction just from the sight of Jungkook with his head thrown back on the couch, a veiny hand threaded in his hair to pull the long waves back from his forehead. The full reveal of his sharp eyebrows brought a whole new level of intensity to Jungkook's already beautifully carved features. He glanced over at you, then squeezed his eyes shut with a terse exhale. You couldn't place why, but you felt a deep attraction to the way he expertly restrained himself from acting on the lust written over his face—not under your control, but his own.

"Oh, fuck. What the fuck. How the fuck would you fucking know," he swore more in a single burst than he cumulatively had ever in your presence.

"What?" you toyed, heart rate still high but relaxed enough to enjoy agitating him. "Something ring a bell?"

Jungkook shuddered out a long breath, hand ruffling his hair as his other forearm still tried desperately to subdue his boner.

"Everything," he hissed, more willing to elaborate now that you had done the same, and especially now that he could tell you really did enjoy him being more assertive. "Shit. I...I want...I know you said not to just say this but I really do want everything you want. I can't wait to mark you up. I can't wait to hold you down and bruise your neck. I want it all, I want to make you hurt so good. And then—" Breathless. He looked almost embarrassed. "Then you had to go and somehow guess basically my biggest fucking kink, I can't fucking believe you." Both hands had come up to seize his long locks as he held himself back physically, while finally letting his guard down mentally to declare everything he intended to do to you. Letting out a short laugh, he finally met your eyes. "I wanna spank your ass bright red. Fuck. This is crazy. You're perfect."

Your core throbbed at every bold word. Leaning in close to him, you let your lips approach Jungkook's beautifully sculpted jawline as he panted, his chin tossed up to fully expose his neck. You stopped just short of his skin, in awe of how much you'd been able to work him up and still so tempted to take it to the next level. "Fuck," you echoed. "This is so hot," you murmured almost to yourself. Your eyes closing along with his, you dealt the final blow. "I love that we have so much in common. But come on, you promised. One thing that's not on my list."

Jungkook whined. You could tell he needed to touch you so badly, and no one was stopping him but himself. He had no way of knowing that if he cut the whole discussion and just took you, you wouldn't even try to resist at this point. Staring at his trembling mouth from below, you quickly averted your eyes when he opened his, pretending you hadn't been looking. He inhaled a short hiss, and then spoke.

"Okay..." He paused after just the first word, blowing air through the tiny "o" of his mouth as his eyes bugged slightly from nervousness. He couldn't resist a challenge, though, and his urge to please you overwhelmed his reluctance to peel back one more layer. "So, the pain thing. I think we, uh, feel the same about me giving and you receiving. But...I'm really into it for myself too. I don't know if you'd be comfortable with it, I know you maybe want me to be more dominant and I think I like that more too in general, but you can be as rough with me as you want back. I'd love that." Eyes still open but fluttering, Jungkook's tone grew breathier, heady as he confessed. You almost giggled at how bashfully he worded his desire to dominate you, to rough each other up, but the contrast was so hot you couldn't help sucking your bottom lip between your teeth, eager for him to continue. His voice lowered. "I love being scratched, marked, bitten...hit me, push me back, any kind of pain or any way you can hurt me, I want it." He shivered, but his voice firmed up even further. "I want it so bad."

You fought to stay motionless beside him, unable to even process how much more his honesty had turned you on. You felt helpless in your desire for him, your craving to give him everything he wanted and more. He noticed your charged stillness and shifted toward you, removing a hand from his hair to finally reach for your face. Threading his fingers through your hair instinctively like he had with his own, he tilted your head back to access your neck. Jungkook finally felt confident enough to tease you back as he skimmed his lips over your pulse point, tugging your skin between his teeth for a gentle first taste and grinning when you moaned. Seeing someone so satisfied, for reasons better than just his body or their pride, brought the most incredible rush of blood to his head. And his other head.

"And I get why you want it too," he finished with a whisper in your ear. "So trust me when I say I really, really want to give it to you."

In an instant, your hands yanked his hair down to bring his face up to yours, mouths crashing together. Feverish, restless, you kissed him, hastily attempting to straddle his thick thighs before he threw his body over yours and pinned you to the back of the couch. His hands wandered, intrepid, from your waist to a quick squeeze of your breasts before he spiraled you into his strong arms. Pressing your chest flush with his as your mouths meshed, he ground his hips into you shamelessly, enjoying the way you struggled beneath him to align your core with his rock-hard dick.

"Your room?" You rushed out the words.

Jungkook laughed a little, his tone half whine and half dare. "So we're done talking?"

"Come on," you pleaded back. He finally relented, pulling you up with him and dragging you across the living room and through his door, lips not leaving yours for a second. You backed him into the bed with your arms against his strong chest, and once he was sitting perched on the edge, you laid yourself horizontally over his thighs.

"What are you doing?" he murmured, curling a hand over the dip of your waist to hold you gently.

You angled your head back to make unsteady eye contact with him, flipping your shorts down boldly. His free hand automatically reached to slowly conform to the shape of your ass, so eager to touch you but tentative as he grazed your curves.

"Giving you exactly what you want."

"Fuck. Really? You're sure about this?" Jungkook held careful eye contact as you brought your arms back up, crossing your wrists over your head delicately. You nodded slightly and did your best to meet his gaze with confident invitation, convincing him how much you trusted and wanted him.

He smoothed his warm hand over your ass one more time, then brought it up and watched your thighs tighten at the loss of his touch. Breathing in, still a little shakily, he brought his hand down on your right cheek with a loud but mild smack. A grunt of satisfaction involuntarily left him when he saw your face flinch down into the sheets, subduing a small noise of surprise. He returned his hand to caress the light redness he'd left, checking in with you again. "Is this okay? Let me know if I should stop."

You replied with your face still tucked between your arms, muffled by the bed. "More than okay. Please don't stop."

He spanked you again, moving to your left cheek. This time you felt his dick twitch under you and couldn't help grinding down on him a little bit. "Is that as hard as you can go?" you taunted in low tones, brave enough to egg him on but not quite enough to meet his eyes again.

Jungkook's thighs and core tensed under you, and he squeezed his fingertips tighter, digging into the skin of your ass. "Not at all," he said simply.

Deep breath. A few seconds passed, and his hand came down, harshly. You cried out in shock, the timing unexpected and the sting far sharper, and he gave your other cheek a fourth hard smack before you could even process the third one. "Harder?" he tested. "Tell me."

Another spank. "Mmmf."

"You like this, huh?"

"Yes, I told you," you whimpered back, half-teasing even though you were in no position to do so. Immediately, he cut you off with a stinging hit across both cheeks, and you moaned.

"You really do," he breathed lowly. "Fuck yeah. Take it then."

He spanked you again, and again, then paused, tugging down your shorts all the way to your ankles to expose the crease right above your thighs. Rubbing your already sore bottom, Jungkook cupped the underside of its curve in his big, firm hand. Already anticipating your whine, he drew back his touch and hummed in harmony with you. He continued landing satisfyingly hard smacks, alternating to cover your ass evenly. His dick strained through his pants more and more each time you trembled under his touch. Never hitting you hard enough to do serious damage, he still clearly enjoyed his thorough reddening of your ass, and occasionally took a moment just to caress your skin as it warmed from the spanking. The pain lit your senses up from head to toe. Face burning with deep arousal, you mentally thanked yourself for going out of your comfort zone and unprecedentedly admitting your kinks before even venturing into your first time together. Amidst the thrilling sting of his hand meeting your soft curves, Jungkook eventually noticed your thighs clenching together, craving friction but not really wanting relief from the pleasurable burn.

"You're wet," he marveled, sliding two warm fingers up and down your slit.

"Mhm," you mumbled back as you tilted your hips into his hand. He gave you a light slap right on the folds between your legs, eliciting another soft moan.

"So good for me," Jungkook said softly, pulling you up into his lap by your waist. "You look so pretty like this. I wanna see all of you." He tugged your sweatshirt over your head, followed by your sports bra, thankful that it stretched over your head easily. Suddenly grinning, he wound up and shot it across the room like a rubber band, and you smacked his arm, giggling.

"What was that? You cheeseball," you teased, and he blinked, chuckling lightly back. It occurred to him that he'd never laughed, or made someone laugh, during sex before.

"It was so stretchy! Don't make fun of me," he blushed.

"You're so cute," you said, fingers sliding under his t-shirt hem.

"Cute?" His eyebrows rose in mock disbelief, and he reached around to land another hit to your still-red asscheek.

"Hot," you amended. Raising his shirt and finally getting a full glimpse of his enviable abs, you groaned. "You're extremely hot, and also really cute, and it's kind of ridiculous and I don't really know how to handle all of it at once."

His face scrunching up into a smile at the praise, he fell back onto the bed with his arms behind his head. "You are too, you know. Really cute, of course. But really hot too." As you discarded his shirt and moved on to easing his sweatpants down his hips, you held in a gasp as his erection sprung up from the waistband. He was big, thick, and painfully hard, his tip glistening warm with precum and a lone vein running prominently up his smooth shaft. Although you wouldn't be corroborating them, you had to admit to yourself that all the rumors were true. You instinctively curled a hand around it, barely covering half his length, and he winced at your slightest touch. Pulling off with a single slow stroke, you slid his sweatpants and briefs all the way to the floor and then stood, looking up from his legs to his blown-out eyes to take in the glorious sight of his fully naked body.

"You shave," you said, surprised by the clean skin under his arms and between his legs.

"Yeah," he demurred, self-conscious for some reason. He lowered his arms to fold them over his torso, somehow defining his biceps even more. "I'm on the dance team, and it's nice to feel all smooth for practice and stuff. I don't know, I just like it."

"Oh, that's cool! No worries, I like it too. And you don't mind that..." You looked down at yourself, still just standing naked in front of him. "...I don't? Like, down there at least."

"No, you do you!" he said quickly. With a shy smile, he admitted, "I actually kind of like it on you. I do this for me, anyway, not for anyone else," he playfully noted. Slowly, he was sitting up to take hold of your waist and lower you down to the bed with him. Pausing to kiss the sweet spot under your jaw, he continued. "So don't feel like you have to do anything, or not do anything, either."

Jungkook couldn't quite explain the nature of how his attraction to you had developed. Seeing how open and honest you were with him made it easy for him to be honest with you too, and just to feel comfortable being himself. He admired the way he could still tell you sometimes got nervous like him, but it didn’t stop you from getting real or going bolder. Unable to fully express it in words, he just hoped to ensure you felt as comfortable and respected around him as he did around you. He already knew that he wanted this to be more than just a one-time thing, and while he still hesitated to assume that you felt the same, he intended to leave no doubt by the end of the night.

You moaned as he nipped at the skin of your neck. It was so easy to get swept back up in Jungkook. You could barely handle the friction of his dick rutting against your wet folds from below, craving him inside you. "Ughhh. Wait, one more thing. I'm on the pill, are you clean?"

"Yes," he gasped, barely removing his mouth from your jaw. "Are you?"

"Yeah, so we don't need a condom. If that's cool with you!"

"Yeah! But, you're ready?" He seemed surprised.

"Aren't you?" you whined, beyond holding back. He felt so unbearably hard that his coherence and willpower kind of surprised you too. "Please, I want you so bad."

To your surprise, he lowered his head to the crest of your legs, dotting wet kisses down your torso. Keeping his big brown eyes on you, he teased your entrance with a finger and echoed your immediate groan at the welcome stretch.

"You really are ready," he remarked, awed at the ease with which your wetness sucked the digit in. Frankly, you were in awe as well. It had taken your ex-boyfriend months to figure out how to get you this worked up. Jungkook either had even more experience than you'd heard from the grapevine, or he was a natural. Or maybe you were just really, ridiculously, primally attracted to him. He went on to curve his finger in you and lick a messy swipe up your folds, sucking hard once he reached your sensitive clit. You cried out at the delicious burst of stimulation and he rose up to catch your lips with his.

"I had to do that, just once," he grinned breathlessly. "But—"

"Let me suck you off," you interjected, unbelievably fucking turned on and dying to please him.

"No," he gasped with far more fervency than you'd think anyone could refuse a blowjob. "Please, I was about to say—" he choked out a high-pitched moan as you ran a single finger up his shaft in anticipation, sinking the nails of your other hand into his thigh. "—I think I'm gonna explode if I don't get inside you right this second."

So he did have a breaking point. "Fuck," you muttered, bringing your legs around his to tuck your heels under his tight ass as he lined up. He eased his tip in, keeping heavy eyes on you the whole time, and you could feel the hot, thick tension in his thighs as he struggled to hold himself back from just thrusting into your heat. Slowly, he drew closer into you until he bottomed out with a low moan. You whined at the perfect slight pain of the stretch, and Jungkook squeezed his eyes shut, gripping you by your waist. Watching the veins in his forearms stand out as he drove almost all the way out and back into you, you rocked your hips carefully against his with each smooth stroke, getting used to his fullness. When his balls met your ass again, he shuddered a bit and opened his eyes into yours.

You answered his question before he could even ask it. "Jungkook—you feel so good. You can go faster, it's okay."

A smile hit his eyes before his mouth, and he kissed you once, pressing his chest to yours and intertwining your tongues eagerly. You bit his bottom lip as he slowly drew away, tugging it between your teeth to pull a sweet little whimper from his throat. Grinning, he leaned back in to touch his forehead to yours and simultaneously slid a subtle hand under your ass to curve your hips up with his. The slight leftover sensitivity of your skin amplified his light touch, and Jungkook seemed to realize this, curling his fingers to tease you with the tips of his nails. Instinctively, you ducked to bite his neck, not even registering your move to pass the pain back to him until he choked out a beautifully half-restrained moan and snapped his hips into yours. Gasping, you encouraged him to lose himself in you, dragging your lips up to latch around his earlobe. He hissed and thrust into you sharply again, meeting the time of your movements as you swirled your tongue between each of his hoop earrings. Soon he was pounding you rhythmically, finally letting you feel the full force of his strength but keeping remarkable control over both his body and yours. Both of you had gone silent except for your heavy breaths, lost in the moment, but the flexed shivers of his thighs and twitches of his fingers in your hair told you all you needed to know. Suddenly yanking your strands to pull you back from the additional bruise you'd sucked beneath his ear, he earned a new set of scratches on his back as your hands dragged down the muscular expanse in reply. Jungkook switched places with you to draw dark clouds from your skin, a storm brewing under your jaw. Your face fell into pure bliss, eyes shut and immersed in the barrage of sensation from his hands, mouth, and big dick filling you. Already feeling the familiar tension that preceded an orgasm building through your whole body, you chased him closer to his climax too, grinding back roughly into every thrust and raking your hands over every part of his firm body you could reach.

You had really been fooling yourself when you thought you could try something casual for once. You wanted more of Jungkook, all of Jungkook, nothing but Jungkook ever again. Knowing he'd never even gone back to the same hookup twice sank slight anxiety into your stomach, a kind of future nostalgia for this moment you already feared losing. You knew you weren't anything special compared to the catalogue of gorgeous girls he'd had his turn with, but a deviant voice whispered from the back of your mind that you could be, because it was clear none had bothered to learn him like this. You'd still try your desperate best not to want too much from him, but you resolved to do whatever you could to make him crave more.

Rolling your hips in a smooth circle against him, you clenched around his dick and your hands tightened their fierce hold on his tiny waist. You felt his abs tense within your grasp as he tried not to stutter into you.

"Fuck. No." His voice cracked, but held an undertone of ferocity. "You come first." Jungkook rushed a hand to your clit, adding pressure in small, deft motions with a fingertip as he kept fucking you deep. You sank your teeth into his shoulder in response, drawing your hands up his back to clutch him closer to you, and Jungkook cried out. You left your mouth on his golden skin to stifle your moans as he sped up his fingers, and he tried to let you stay there but eventually couldn't help pulling you off him to see your face. Eyes narrowed and eyebrows turning up sharp at the ends, he watched you like a hawk to track the exact moment when he pushed you over the edge. Your face crumpled and you felt your whole body burn under his gaze as you came, squeezing around him in waves of pleasure while he fucked you through your high, unrelenting. Drinking up the bliss obvious on your features, Jungkook's eyes never left yours and his expression grew more and more fucked out. You marveled at how even as you lost control and energy to fuck him back, your body freezing in orgasm seemed to turn him on further. One last pulse of the tension leaving your core made his dick throb inside you, and you impulsively broke your eye contact to lean in and bite down slow but hard on his neck again. He gasped.

"You're amazing." Murmuring into his skin, you kissed the bite marks gently. Jungkook whimpered at the sweet contradiction and lurched into your hips even harder. You recovered to move with him, squeezing him deeper into you every time he bottomed out, and as his breathless moans escalated in pitch, his whole body shivered with each stroke. Pressing wet, heavy kisses all over his neck, you felt his jaw flutter while his lips hung open. His considerable strength spent, Jungkook shuddered one last hard thrust into you and finally let go, coating your walls from within. His hips lightly rocked against yours as he stayed deep inside you, still hard and savoring the euphoric release he'd held back for so long. You felt so incredibly warm and comfortable around his sensitive dick, relaxed but still holding him tight, and he couldn't help holding you up for a languid kiss before pulling out of you smoothly.

He briefly looked into your eyes, and you saw stars. The sun had continued to set outside, and it peeked between the blinds of his window to wrap you both in a warm, slivered glow. Staring down at his hands on your body, Jungkook took a deep breath and collapsed to your side, holding you close. You settled into him, cupping a hand over his head on your chest. With your fingers laced through his sweaty hair, you stroked his temple with your thumb, worrying for a second whether the gesture seemed too intimate but forgetting your fear when he snuggled up into your touch. You felt the need to say something, to figure out what the fuck was next after this, but stayed silent, not wanting to disturb the comforting weight of his frame. Heartbeat still racing, Jungkook stretched out to breathe a long sigh. As he sank back into you, you stretched under him too, letting his solid, warm body drape over you like a blanket. This couldn't be farther from what you'd expected with him, but you weren't about to make it stop. Surely, eventually, he would.

A minute passed. And then five. And then, before either of you could talk yourselves out of it, you were asleep, intertwined.

[butwhatifidothis]

So @nilsh13​ decided that I was in need of torture today and sent me a take about Claude that quite frankly blew my ass out with how absolutely wack it is.

The take in full (two comments, under the cut):

“From what I've gathered of Claude's motivation, it's to prove himself to his Almyran family by entering Fodlan and destabilizing it from the inside. That's why he was trying to look into the Church's secrets and why he talked about possibly learning to harness the power of the sword of the creator for himself. I also think that's why he tries to stay "neutral" in routes not his own. I think he's just trying to hold out until he feels like he can make his move and overwhelm who's left. In VW with Byleth he feels like he can take initiative, and so hijacks the work of Edelgard's Revolution right from under her by killing her in Enbarr. This led to some of the fandom claiming that Claude took Fodlan bloodlessly, when really he just let others do the hard work then swooped in. I also think the reason he doesn't want to work with anyone is that he wants to claim that taking Fodlan was completely on him, no allies. That's why he lets Byleth become the new Archbishop, they're an ambitionless puppet that can be easily be manipulated by him, unlike Edelgard, or even Dimitri.

I don't think Claude really cares about Fodlan or it's well-being, he's there for himself. He just comes off as a completely disingenuous ass, yet because eof Joe Zieja and poor narrative focus, he's tricked the fandom into thinking he's actually a decent person.

(for context) A reply says:  Although I don't really agree, you see in both AM and CF that he trusts Dimitri and Edelgard respectively to achieve some of his dreams. I never felt that he was in it for himself; just like Edelgard, he's motivated by a better future for Fodlan, it's just that he uses more sneaky methods rather than Edelgard's more direct approach.

“Nah, I don't buy it. One of the flaws of the writing I think is that we never never see Claude pushed to the absolute edge like the other characters. It's almost like he doesn't care about his goals. But then you find out that's just an Almyran thing. They're warmongerers, but they value their lives more than winning in the end.

So yeah, for Claude, this doesn't mean as much to him as it does to Edelgard, who lives in Fodlan and wants to see it bettered for it's people. If Claude genuinely wanted that, I think he would've allied with Edelgard, since her overthrowing the Church would lead to the kinds of societal changes he claims to want. But he doesn't, because he's selfish and wants the win for himself if he can take it. He doesn't understand that war is people fighting for their home, which is why he's so shocked Hilda was willing to die for his bs claims. I sincerely don't believe Claude cares about Fodlan. He might care about a handful of folks he met, but they're mostly just a means to an end.

Claude is in Fodlan for his own gain in Almyra. Not for Fodlan's sake. He's just fortunate Edelgard started and became the face of war so he didn't have to do it himself.

Very frankly, fuck Claude. I agree with Edelgard. I understand Seiros. I pity Dimitri. No nuance with Claude, fuck him with a rusty lance.

Sooooo there’s a whole lot to unpack here.

“ From what I've gathered of Claude's motivation, it's to prove himself to his Almyran family by entering Fodlan and destabilizing it from the inside. That's why he was trying to look into the Church's secrets and why he talked about possibly learning to harness the power of the sword of the creator for himself. “

And he does this by... stabilizing the Alliance, that was going to fall apart with its head Major House falling to ruin without a proper heir. By being the literal, as-stated-by-Edelgard-herself reason that the Alliance is still stable. Right, okay, makes perfect sense actually. And like..... how do you get something so backwards? Claude isn’t looking into the Church’s secrets because he wants to destabilize Fodlan, it’s because he thinks the Church is the reason for Fodlan’s reluctance to have deep interactions with foreigners/outsiders. He thinks the Church is hiding involvement in big events like the Lance of Ruin and wants to “expose” them for their wrong-doings. And him wanting the SotC is because he thinks it would give him clout, like him wanting to wield Failnaught. Him being able to wield the literal most famous, renown relic in Fodlan’s history would give him so much sway in way more than just oonga boonga physical strength - Byleth being able to is the entire reason people look to them as a religious savior, since it’s physical proof that they have connections to one of the greatest “Heroes” of Fodlan’s history.

“ I also think that's why he tries to stay "neutral" in routes not his own. I think he's just trying to hold out until he feels like he can make his move and overwhelm who's left. In VW with Byleth he feels like he can take initiative, and so hijacks the work of Edelgard's Revolution right from under her by killing her in Enbarr. This led to some of the fandom claiming that Claude took Fodlan bloodlessly, when really he just let others do the hard work then swooped in. “

Or maybe he tries to stay neutral in the war because he doesn’t want his people embroiled in it?? Which fits with how he orders his men to fall back whenever it looks like it’s getting too dangerous?? Like, you do realize that it’s entirely possible to realize you don’t have the power to fight back and also want to keep your men safe because you care about them, right? That those aren’t inherently contradictory statements?

And what are you actually talking about “he just let others do the hard work then swooped in” you mean the “hard work” of Edelgard’s that he explicitly says destroys his dreams? Specifically mentioning how it was her excessive force that was fucking him over? Edelgard instigating war isn’t “hard work” for Claude, it’s something that is actively holding back his ambitions and something that he must get over. He has to improvise his plans around Edelgard’s war because it goes against his wants. The war is not something inherently positive for Claude, it’s something that he worked into his plans because otherwise he’d be fucked.

“ I also think the reason he doesn't want to work with anyone is that he wants to claim that taking Fodlan was completely on him, no allies. That's why he lets Byleth become the new Archbishop, they're an ambitionless puppet that can be easily be manipulated by him, unlike Edelgard, or even Dimitri. “

Which is why a majority of his endings state that he’s leaving Fodlan to his friends, plural, and why none of them state him having influence over Fodlan’s ruling (hence the “entrusting Fodlan” part of the majority of his endings), and why his Lorenz one actually states he’s leaving it to Lorenz specifically, and why literally none of his endings say anything about him taking full credit for shit all, and why in AM he literally leaves the Alliance and the future of Fodlan to Dimitri, and also why he literally, factually, actually works with Dimitri in AM and wants to in VW. This is. So fucking stupid.

“ I don't think Claude really cares about Fodlan or it's well-being, he's there for himself. He just comes off as a completely disingenuous ass, yet because eof Joe Zieja and poor narrative focus, he's tricked the fandom into thinking he's actually a decent person.“

I might actually have a stroke. 

like damn lmao like they don’t think it’s good writing but everything else is pretty close

Second comment 

Reminder for context, this reply:  Although I don't really agree, you see in both AM and CF that he trusts Dimitri and Edelgard respectively to achieve some of his dreams. I never felt that he was in it for himself; just like Edelgard, he's motivated by a better future for Fodlan, it's just that he uses more sneaky methods rather than Edelgard's more direct approach.

“ Nah, I don't buy it. One of the flaws of the writing I think is that we never never see Claude pushed to the absolute edge like the other characters. It's almost like he doesn't care about his goals. But then you find out that's just an Almyran thing. They're warmongerers, but they value their lives more than winning in the end.

This just in folks, if you aren’t pushed to your mental limits then you don’t care about your goals. Being able to keep a cool head despite the circumstances obviously means that you don’t care about what’s happening. 

And the thing is I even agree somewhat to the idea of Claude having a moment of weakness, but that he doesn’t isn’t indicative of his lack of care, like, at all, no matter where he’s from. He still very fuckin’ clearly cares, given that he stayed in Fodlan to help the Alliance. 

And imma take that “just an Almyran thing” for later

Oh but wait, of course, I forgot:

“ So yeah, for Claude, this doesn't mean as much to him as it does to Edelgard, who lives in Fodlan and wants to see it bettered for it's people. If Claude genuinely wanted that, I think he would've allied with Edelgard, since her overthrowing the Church would lead to the kinds of societal changes he claims to want.”

He doesn’t want to see Fodlan get better because he doesn’t live there, which is the only way for one to care about something. Nevermind that he’s been living there for seven years by post ts, nevermind that he’s actually trying to find the truth to help Fodlan unlike Edelgard who just assumes she does without any further investigation, nevermind that the changes he wants to implement get fucking implemented without the dismantling of the Church, no that’s completely irrelevant. He didn’t side with Edelgard so of course he doesn’t want the best for Fodlan, because he’s not brown-nosing the imperialist he can’t actually give a shit. Sure, alright.

And oh yeah, so much societal change Edelgard does, she gets rid of the need for Crests (maybe) and boots a church that isn’t directly tied to the state... and that’s it! Literally nothing else changes with Edelgard, save for one noble house - that has a history of providing magical innovations - getting its noble status back. Commoners rising to power, political or military, without having to marry into it? Never mentioned! Inheritance based strictly on birth? Still very much present! Nobles getting things they haven’t earned? Caspar has your back, Linhardt would but he’s too busy sleeping in his cozy new institute that was made specifically for him and no one else that he abandons in most of his endings anyway so it’s a complete waste, and Bernadetta too busy being forced to take up her family’s work by Edelgard to do anything she might, you know, want to do or anything. One source having all of the power to rule over the whole of Fodlan? Literally Edelgard’s whole plan! Censorship of things the higher ups don’t want the people knowing about? Hey now Dorothea better consult Edelgard before you go just playing any performance you want. Violent quelling of opposition (that’s only levied towards Rhea because she killed people literally caught in the act of trying to kill her)? Well, that’s literally all she has Hubert around for! Not like she cares for his ass otherwise, Miss “I walk my path alone despite having someone who will do literally anything for me” Miss “I have nothing to say about my retainer of like 20 years dying for my cause in any route he dies for me in”. 

Note how none of that has shit all to do with what Claude wants, which is better foreign relations. All of those pertain to endings in CF and the only place that mentions foreign affairs at all is Petra... where she is forced to marry Imperial nobles in some of her endings to gain Brigid’s independence, as per Edelgard’s demands. Yeah, no, this shit wouldn’t fly with Claude’s dreams.

“ But he doesn't, because he's selfish and wants the win for himself if he can take it. He doesn't understand that war is people fighting for their home, which is why he's so shocked Hilda was willing to die for his bs claims. I sincerely don't believe Claude cares about Fodlan. He might care about a handful of folks he met, but they're mostly just a means to an end. “

.....Um.... yes he wants to win the war.... like fuckin’ hello who’d want to lose it? Honest to fuckin’ god, who is going to be on the winning side of a war they didn’t want and go “and I will do nothing with my victory whatsoever” I’m going to stop you ahead of time and say fucking no one. The victor of war is always going to use their victory to do something with it. This isn’t indicative of Claude, Edelgard, Dimitri, Rhea, fuckin’ Billy-Joe down the road, it’s just a fact. 

And hey!!! Maybe he was shocked that people would die for him because like you fucking said in this comment In Almyra - that place that kinda sorta influenced Claude just a tad - you value your life more than your cause! And he valued the lives of his friends more than the cause and that’s why he tells them to retreat in every fucking route! And that him wanting his friends to live and not die for him is not, in fact, him seeing them as a means to an end! 

“ Claude is in Fodlan for his own gain in Almyra. Not for Fodlan's sake. He's just fortunate Edelgard started and became the face of war so he didn't have to do it himself.”

Okay, so fuckin’ riddle me this, if he really wanted to just fuck over Fodlan and claim it for his own and was using Edelgard to spearhead everything, why doesn’t he bust out the full-force Almyran army in CF? Or hell, anywhere? If the goal was really, truly, “100% for his throne in Almyra, fuck Fodlan idgaf” then why does he not just fucking take it over with the infinitely stronger Almyran army? Why does he go out of his way to protect the Alliance people? Why does he evacuate the people in AM and act as a fucking shield for them in CF? Why is he putting himself in this much danger to protect something he apparently doesn’t give a shit about? Why doesn’t he turn to the ol’ King Daddy’o and say “yo pops gimme more men I’ll give ya THE FUCKING ENTIRETY OF FODLAN, OUR CENTURIES OLD ENEMY WHOM IS HATED BY THE MAJORITY OF OUR PEOPLE”?

The Claude you’re describing sounds like a real fuckin’ stupid asshole, good thing he don’t real

[jazillia007]

Thoughts on GG 4x3 Fall Guy

Things I did not enjoy:

Phoebe...

I’m sorry but we really said goodbye to Turner for... Phoebe? I know some would root for her to turn on her shitty FBI co-worker but that wouldn’t make her interesting. It would look desperate. xD I don’t know. I wouldn’t mind her being on track when it comes to Beth. But the reasons why she suspects Beth fall flat to me.

But now things might turn and I’m also weirdly looking forward to what’s gonna happen since she found that letter Beth left. *sigh* Why didn’t Beth think of that?

Beth’s new bed

The only good thing it. got character but dang it it’s so ugly and I will never not notice. LMAO

Fitzpatrick Part 1

Being the creepy dude he is. Like... ewww... The fact he is like “oh but WHY do you not want to go with me to the Fijis?”. I mean it’s not like Beth’s husband is in prison right now and she got 4 kids to take care of but whatever. And she said “NO”. But hey... creepers gonna be creepy.

So but then, Beth tells him exactly that... and... continue in the what I liked section here...

Thing I would’ve enjoyed if done differently:

Did I need those flashbacks with Dean to understand why Beth is staying with him?

No, I don’t think I needed it to know why she is staying with Dean because Beth herself verbally said why she stays with him in many episodes. But I also think we need to remember the majority of the viewers are casual viewers who don’t watch the episodes like fandoms do and casual viewers sometimes need everything to get spelled out for them. But I also think casual viewers aren’t dumb and sometimes writers should just trust them to know and understand things and circumstances.

I also think I would’ve liked it more if the flashbacks had included Beth’s relationship with her father or the non-existence of the very same. I think the reason why women tend to stay with men who are not good for them is because: they have a dysfunctional family (problematic mother, problematic father or both combined), they’re dependent on men, those men resemble the father or the women want to fix something that was broken in their own family (e.g. not having a father but wanting a family and a father for their own children).

But we didn’t get that. And I think it’s a shame the writers focus a great deal on showing Dean was the only good guy Beth knew at that time hence why she chose him when it would’ve been more interesting to explore the reason WHY Beth thought Dean was the only seemingly decent person.

Also, just because Dean was a nice guy back then doesn’t make his cheating and lying okay. And it doesn’t mean Beth needs to stay with him. If anything it worries me that the writers apparently think “look because he was nice back and he basically “saved” Beth and gave her stability, she needs to stay with him forever”. That’s not the case. As I said before if the writers adore Matthew Lillard so much, they can keep him, even as the ex-husband. Just a thought.

However, I think the flashbacks were filmed nicely as some already mentioned. And I liked the casting.

Things I enjoyed:

Kenny

I know some people missed it but Kenny is away for a tournament which explains why it seems Beth and Dean only got 3 children. The show explained it right away, so thankfully Kenny won’t disappear like Buddy did. xD

Dean not buying Beth’s “I love you”

You know I don’t like Dean but I kind of enjoy he isn’t buying Beth’s “I love you” anymore. I mean he is the last person to call her out because he cheated on her and told her he loves her after she found out to manipulate her as well but I just like we see Dean not buying it. Because WHO is actually still buying it when Beth is telling Dean “I love you”.

Ruby and Annie having priorities

I love how they’re like “Hey, you got 4 kids!” like even to them Dean isn’t a father who deserves to be out of prison.

On a sidenote: Ruby aka Retta is looking extra gorgeous this season. Oh MY!

Whatever is going on with Stan

Look I always wanted for Stan and Rio to team up. So please let it happen. But also whatever happens in the club, “the little bitch” and the “big bitch” this could have potential.

But I hope he doesn’t develope a drinking problem and I don’t need the tension between him and Ruby. But also kind of enjoy he got now secrets of his own.

Found the whole mom situation in the flashbacks more interesting than Dean

I think you deleted the post @medievalraven but I think there might be something going on with Beth’s and Annie’s mom which is more related to (TRIGGER WARNING) depression and suicidal thoughts. Which is actually a whole lot more interesting to explore than what a nice guy Dean was back then.

And it would play into what I said earlier. That whatever is going on in Beth’s family made her the person she is now and would explain why she acts in certain ways and why she is unable to leave Dean (except the writers apparently don’t WANT her to leave Dean as of now).

And whatever has been going on at home explains why Annie turned out the way she was back then and still is - especially when it comes to Dean.

Annie and Ben

As you know, I barely relate with Annie but I always enjoyed the most her relationship with her son and if the writers are doing anything right it’s writing this arc properly. It’s normal for Ben to want to stay with his father but at the same time it breaks my heart for Annie.

Fitzpatrick Part 2

Beth going off was everything I needed right now. Thank you, Beth, for telling him where your limits are!

And what a douchebag is Fitzpatrick to be like “oh but I thought you wanted more from your life”. We love guilt-tripping men - NOT. Just look at Dean. I mean... c’mon! Also for him to be like “but you hired me”... Yeah, she did hire you but not sending the message “I also want sex with you.” What is this guy!?

However, I would buy Beth’s speech a little more if she would pair it up with actions. Like divorcing Dean and you know the drill. It would be so much more consistent than having her say one thing but not living up to it. I mean on the other hand now she is somewhat tied to him because Dean plead guilty but still... We’re going in circles a little bit.

Rio/Brio

You know I know the pool table scene is splitting the fandom as always. And I’m just grateful I can watch the scene and enjoy it as a shipper but also enjoy it as a viewer.

I liked the whole “negotiation” between Beth and Rio. Rio did a really low blow when he told Beth if Dean is released from prison 3 years later he might be in better shape and even wanting to “hit it again”. I think we all know why Dean and Beth aren’t working out anymore on a sexual basis and so does Rio, so while Rio might be correct it was a low blow.

But I also enjoy how Rio doesn’t care one bit about Dean. He never did - since season 1. And Dean being a shitty husband and a even shittier businessman is playing a huge part in it. And I like Rio doesn’t even pretend to care.

But he still gives into her pleading. I know some people think he is already over Beth shooting him and maybe that’s the case but in Rio’s case that doesn’t mean he can’t be petty by pulling away the stick. It’s like him saying “I gave you the gun once and I won’t do it again and this is me retaining control. You play this game and we see where it goes with the money.” He is challenging Beth and he knows she would take the challenge.

At the same time, and some of my mutuals noticed it as well, I got 2x9 bedroom vibes which is weird. Especially since there are many mutuals who didn’t feel it or read the scene differently or didn’t like it at all.

The way he looked at her after pulling away the stick. There is a lack of music which I don’t think was a conscious choice unlike it was in the bedroom scene in 2x9 but it still heightened the tension of the scene. And then there suddenly is music and it’s melancholic almost.

Then of course Rio “teaching” Beth how to play pool, handson. And this is where it gets interesting for me. I know a lot of people read this scene differently or it left a different impression.

For me: I always thought that both Beth and Rio are having very mixed feelings right now for eachother. Mostly confused anger. Anger for obvious reasons and confusion because that despite the anger they can’t stop whatever their relationship is and whatever their feelings might be.

And I think in season 3, Rio never really touched Beth. Except for when he showed up alive and did the hair thing and then when he put his hand over hers when she wanted a drink and he thought she was pregnant.

I think this... Rio leaning over Beth and then smelling her. A smell he knows too well and once probably loved. This is the first time he is this close to her again. And same for her, I think that little headshake was mostly her being a little startled but also becoming very aware of his closeness.

And it’s so interesting to see how Rio steps back and does this shoulder roll. It’s like he was suddenly aware of what he was doing and somewhat wanted to shake it off.

And just a little note: the ball had the number 8 on it which can be read as “forever” or “eternity”. Me reading too much into it. :P

Then the moment is over but I just love the moment of joy after Beth winning the challenge and for Rio as well. And then it quickly goes back to business. I think if they’re doing anything well it’s that Brio right now is very much split into two halfs. And for me of course I know the hitman plan is still going which is baffling to me. So of course this dampens any excitement I might have during Brio scenes.

Even though, we can safely say they won’t go through with the hitman plan, and especially now when Beth has hurt Fitzpatrick’s ego. He was pretty calm but I feel like he will mess up on purpose. I don’t think FItzpatrick takes rejection well. Just my thoughts on that. He was way too calm for someone who would hurt a person over raw salmon.

[alreadybrcken]

———  BASICS! ♡

(PEN)NAME:   J, JY

PRONOUNS:     Can’t say I care enough to settle on specific ones

ZODIAC SIGN:     Capricorn

TAKEN OR SINGLE:     In a happy relationship with my bed

———  THREE  FACTS! ♡

I’m working on a tattoo sleeve on my left arm. I’m pretty much done, except for filling in the spots in between. On first glance it just looks like a bunch of nerd/fandom stuff (HP, LOTR, Stitch, now Tommy) but every single piece actually has to do with my mental health.

I bought my new car in the middle of a migraine attack, and basically just signed whatever, because I could barely open my eyes. Including a $700 donation to.. I don’t even remember. And had no clue until almost a month later. -1/10, do not recommend, kids. Sill, my Honda Civic SI is my new baby and I can’t bring myself to regret anything. 

I usually have to share my bed with three cats. And they all want to be as close to me as possible. :|

———  EXPERIENCE! ♡

PLATFORMS USED:   Mostly tumblr, but I started off on animexx (a german site where you could also RP on lmao). Now and again I’d RP on MSN and AIM until they both shut down, now I occasionally (but very rarely) also RP on discord.  I just generally prefer to stick to tumblr.

———  MUSE  PREFERENCE! ♡

GENDER:     I honestly think I’ve never written a female. No idea why, it’s just always been too odd for me when I tried it. So I’m just sticking to my males, even in games lmao

LEAST FAVOURITE FACE(S):     I can’t say I really have any faces I don’t like? I mean.. Idk man. Never came across anyone that made me go ‘Nah, I can’t stand seeing them’.  

MULTI OR SINGLE:     I admire anyone who can do multi, because I sure can’t. I can only focus on a single muse. That’s why I’ve only had a total of five muses throughout my entire time RPing. 

———  FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT! ♡    

FLUFF:    I absolutely enjoy fluff, especially with Tommy, because my boy deserves it, okay. I do prefer if has some sort of underlying plot though, simply because it just makes it much easier to keep it going. 

ANGST:    Give it to me. All of it. Given my emotional/thought driven writing style, I think it’s not very surprising that that’s my favourite thing, and also the easiest thing for me to write. And, of course, Tommy’s just a very angsty character in general, so it just fits his personality much better than sunshine and rainbow threads.

SMUT:    I don’t.. really.. much care for it? I mean I quite like the build up that leads to it, or coming up with headcanons, etc. I just don’t like writing it. Mostly because it can get super repetitive (especially if there’s no plot to it), plus, my writing’s just not good enough for something that can only be made decent/better with description. 

PLOT / MEMES:    I will prefer plotting, hands down, 9 times out of 10. Doesn’t even have to be super detailed, just something to give me a kinda guideline of where we’re going/what’s going on in general. I can do memes, and I will send them in, but they’re usually more difficult for me to keep up with, simply bc I don’t know wtf is going on most of the time. Whenever I answer memes, I try to turn it into a somewhat substantial starter, though. Which is why I reblog them so rarely.

tagged by :  @hammurabicomplex​  tagging :   @qquinntessential​, @tempred​, @theclownprnc​, @wwxnka​, @therelentless​

[lanonima]

I have finished Jing Wei Qing Shang so it’s update time again~

I’m taking a few days off before I start anything new, but the next thing on my list is about a quarter of the length so it won’t take long once I start.

Romantic - Fucky is not how risque a work is but rather my opinion of the attitude/quality of the main relationship, the way the characters interact with respect to one another. I like a lot of stuff in fiction but if you’re easily made uncomfortable, stay towards the top half.

Easy reading - Plot-heavy is how I personally consider the plot’s intricacy and successful implementation, regardless of the author’s intention.

Jing Wei Qing Shang

Author: Please Don’t Laugh

Quality: 9.8

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: I have to start off by saying: damn girl. The improvement evident in this book is absolutely insane. A few minor issues prevent me from giving it a 10 out of 10 – her transitions are still extremely abrupt, the ending is slightly weak and some plot points remain unresolved, and her use of narrative repetition is too heavy-handed for my taste. Other than that, this book leaves me almost speechless. Very similar to Female General and Eldest Princess, there are many similar themes and events. But while I thought FGEP was fairly cute, I like this one way better. If you like angst, political intrigue, and lesbians, you should definitely read this book. I have no doubt that Please Don’t Laugh will continue to improve in the future, and I really look forward to following her career.

Would I read it again: 100%, I absolutely intend to read this again sometime in the future. It's very long and very dense but delightful and ultimately worth it.

My reviews for everything else are under the cut.

Mo Dao Zu Shi

Author: MXTX

Quality: 9.5

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: I have a huge emotional connection to this novel. There are some weak parts, the tension isn’t quite even, she’s pretty terrible at erotic scenes and not great at fight scenes…but that being said, I love the characters and some of the plot points really ripped my heart out. This is a novel that’s really driven by the characters so if you’re a character-focused person like me, definitely look into it (as if we all don’t already know it lmao). I really, really love this story. Every single adaptation of it has also been great, but the novel is still my favorite. It was my introduction to xianxia novels too, so you can say it changed my life!

Would I read it again: I’ve already read it twice, and consumed every adaptation (sometimes also multiple times)

Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System

Author: MXTX

Quality: 6

Enjoyment: 5

Comments: I’m not much of one for comedy and, as I discovered, not really into system novels either. Clearly weaker than MXTX’s later work, many of the characters are somewhat bland, she hasn’t quite found her groove yet. It’s not my style but the fandom is hilarious and the fans constantly produce content that I actually do find entertaining so overall I still have some fond feelings for this one, even if not for the source material.

Would I read it again: I found a different translation and am willing to try again in the future, I’m also willing to watch the donghua. But I can’t guarantee I’ll like it any more than previously.

Tian Guan Ci Fu

Author: MXTX

Quality: 10

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: I love this book…but not as much as I love Mo Dao Zu Shi. I think the plot is somewhat typical, however the characters are great once again (though maybe slightly less deep than MDZS), and her use of thematic repetition and foreshadowing are killer. Actually, I liked this book more the second time around because it just hits differently. Definitely the best of MXTX’s couples, they are so soft and sweet. Very long, but worth it.

Would I read it again: I already have, was personally translating the manhua before I hurt my arms, and am eagerly awaiting the donghua this fall!

The Villain’s White Lotus Halo

Author: A Big Roll of Toilet Paper

Quality: 10

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: Fuck, I love this one so much…..even though it’s also a system novel. But that part is in it so rarely that it reads more like pure fantasy. I love the characters, I love the plot, I love the way the relationship is developing. Oh yeah, the translation isn’t even complete but I already purchased not only the original from JJWXC but also the print edition. I’ve even drawn fanart for it, which is so unlike me. Every time a chapter comes out, I’m ruined for the rest of the day, I can’t think about anything else. Good fight scenes, which is uncommon. My favorite danmei novel so far.

Would I read it again: I fully intend to once the translation is complete, and also plan to read it in Chinese later (I’ve already read certain parts in Chinese hahaha but not the whole thing)

2Ha (Husky and his White Cat Shizun)

Author: Meatbun Doesn’t Eat Meat

Quality: 8

Enjoyment: 10

Comments: 2Ha is not for the faint of heart, it’s very horny, and violent, and has a lot of questionable content. However I love it so much. The story and characters are great, Meatbun really has me by the heart. The writing is a little more on the casual side but it hardly matters because the story is so great. Good fight scenes. Chu Wanning is like, the ultimate Me™ character, I hate how much I adore him. If you read this, just go into it knowing that it’s a long emotional journey, the characters are very dynamic and there’s a lot of character development.

Would I read it again: Same as the above, I plan a reread when the translation is done and have read parts in Chinese and might read the whole thing again later. Cautiously eager about the up-coming live action and donghua.

Di Wang Gong Lue

Author: Yu Xiao Lanshan

Quality: 2

Enjoyment: 9

Comments: This is one of the most terribly written things I’ve ever read, but I’m a character girl and the characters and ways they interact fucking kill me. I’m constantly entertained….although I don’t think this is actually supposed to be a comedy. If I were going to treat myself and like, take a bubble bath and read something that made me laugh, this is exactly the sort of trashy romance I would want to read. Technically a political intrigue story but it’s so abrupt and full of holes, are any of us reading it for the actual plot? The donghua is on Youtube, I watched it first and recommend others to do the same. If you can handle that, you can handle the book because it’s exactly the same in quality, just gayer. I do love the main couple a lot, the set-up surrounding the relationship is great, and the side characters are also really fun.

Would I read it again: Probably not, but I’m still having fun with it. I watched the donghua and read a bit of the manhua as well, which has very cute art and is probably my favorite version of the story.

Liu Yao

Author: Priest

Quality: 6

Enjoyment: 7.5

Comments: I really struggled getting into this one, it took me about 25 chapters to get invested. Initially I had rated it a 6 in enjoyment but after careful thought, I realized that even though it was so hard for me, it probably is my favorite Priest novel and I really do love the main couple so much. Her side characters also seem to be slightly stronger than usual in this one. Decent plot, not too much or too little. It seems really chill to me, doesn’t provoke much of an emotional reaction but I do think it’s very sweet, which is nice sometimes too.

Would I read it again: No, but I think (?) it’s supposed to get some kind of tv adaptation (drama or donghua, not sure), and if that happens, I’ll watch it.

Didn’t Know the General was Female

Author: Rong Qing

Quality: 4

Enjoyment: 6

Comments: Not the greatest thing I’ve ever read, but cute. It’s short, and a little lesbian fluff is never a bad thing. Writing is a bit weak and the plot is basic, but the characters are enjoyable and I liked it overall.

Would I read it again: No.

Wrong Way to a Demon Sect Leader

Author: Yi Zhi Dayan

Quality: 4

Enjoyment: 7

Comments: Again, not the greatest in writing or plot, it’s a bit shallow. But I found the idea of it to be entertaining, and actually liked it more than I would have assumed. It’s fairly short and cute, like a good summer beach read.

Would I read it again: Probably not, but possibly, if the stars align.

Female General and Eldest Princess

Author: Please Don’t Laugh

Quality: 7

Enjoyment: 6

Comments: A very good first effort, but the writing is a bit weak. It’s slow to start and I don’t think the political plotline is spectacularly strong. Some things were left unexplained, and her sense of battle tactics and fight-writing were very confusing, definitely room for improvement. I don’t think it’s as good as people say, but she writes with the air of someone who will continue to improve. And also, a lesbian author writing lesbian stories so that’s a plus. Overall I enjoyed the experience, this story is definitely worth a read.

Would I read it again: Maybe, but probably not.

Sha Po Lang

Author: Priest

Quality: 7

Enjoyment: 7

Comments: Originally I rated this one higher, but on later thought I realized that I actually enjoyed Liu Yao more. I personally have issues with the way Priest writes, and this book showed a lot of them. Characters were okay, I did like the main couple, but side characters were weak as usual. The plot is pretty good, though not great, and I think some of the pacing is off. Some descriptions were confusing, but that could be a translation issue. Overall, still a pretty good political drama, but I would say that of the three I read, this was the Priest novel with the least impact on me.

Would I read it again: No. But I will watch the live action if it ever gets made.

Guardian

Author: Priest

Quality: 6

Enjoyment: 5

Comments: I love Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan, thought the plot was interesting, and there were some enjoyable moments. But it has all the problems I usually have with Priest in addition to some choices that offend me as a queer reader. I spent about 75% of the time reading while pissed off. And actually the fact that it had a happy ending kinda bummed me out because I love a good tragedy. Overall, I can only give it an average score. If you like Priest, you’ll like this one too. I’m not a tv person but I binged the hell out of the live action, I really loved it, so I was sort of disappointed that the source material didn’t seem as strong as I had assumed.

Would I read it again: No, but I will happily watch the live action again some day.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

i'm here for your Jare and Lana Thoughts

hmm i’m not good at like, coming up with concrete ideas/hcs, or at recalling anything, but yeah they should get to be friends

i mean we don’t know that alana has Any friends, and really even pre-act 2, evan is not an amazing friend to jared, and even if things were better re: that relationship, it’s not really ideal to for jared to have one single friend anyways.......and, again, evan’s not exactly the perfect friend and like, even though i think anyone taking any real note of the material realizes that jared and evan’s relationship being not very close or great at this juncture is a two-way street, it’s easily arguable that evan’s a worse friend to jared in canon than jared is to him. so like, if jared’s gonna have One Friend lol tbh it would be great if he and alana could become friends and like, have someone to hang out with and just have a chill time being Not Alone for once and not having to feel like they have to be maintaining this perfect performance at all times or be dropped

really like it’s a great concept to just imagine them getting to spend time together doing totally unremarkable average Hanging Out stuff.......do homework together sometimes instead of alone in their respective bedrooms, spend time together on the weekend and play video games / watch a movie, just do some chill shit that gives them the chance to have conversations and share interests and personal info and just like, get used to feeling more relaxed in this person’s presence and like this is a real friendship......maybe they spend time together in canon doing tcp stuff ever but we were never shown it, and that’s a bit of a transition from being mostly strangers (distant acquaintances) to being Sort Of friends / at least being more familiar with each other......and maybe they can become closer After the tcp heyday, like, presumably in the timeskip-and-beyond part of things.....like, yeah there's the issue of everything that happened re: tcp and how jared knows more about the inside story while maybe alana just suspects, and natch i don't think jared would be willing to share that Inside Story if only because we all know that he and evan are mutually protecting each other forever, but also i don't think that like, thoroughly discussing the tcp stuff is absolutely crucial to jared and alana getting to be friends. for one thing, they probably can't have gotten That close during tcp, since by act 2 jared is apparently not super involved, and for another thing i think by the finale times both alana and jared might Both just be wanting to pretty much like, move on from all the tcp stuff.

also like, really i don't remember if jared's Extracurriculars like model u.n. was from pre-bway content and/or if it was from "cherrypicking anything worthwhile from the novel" content lol, but also stuff like being a camp counselor can't be completely effortless, and as someone who isn't too close to his parents and for whomst, at least at one point, theoretically, his car insurance being paid was tied to him doing stuff his mom wants him to do e.g. Be Nice To Evan, i get the idea that maybe jared does some academic / extracurricular stuff at least partially with the motivation of staying in the good graces of his parents and other adults / being Approved of via those routes of like, performing well at various Set Tasks like "get good grades" "be in model u.n." "be nice to evan, theoretically, according to jared himself" and etc........anyways this is a really roundabout way to get to "alana might be engaged in like, structured / approved Tasks as a means to being supported, not in the exact same way as jared is but with enough of a parallel that he Understands it".....like, i think yeah we can deduce that alana is kind of Studious or at least cares about her academic performance, but people like, forget that she's Not just doing everything for her college applications, and that most of what the focus is on is alana doing Extracurricular stuff that's more involved with / focused on Local Community than just like, school......she's talking about what she did over the summer, which is sure inherently Not stuff for school, and tcp is only partly about the school, and isn't Academic.......alana probably sees Community Involvement as a means to support / connection / positive attention, which is a bit different from jared who like, yeah might be kinda on that wavelength in Disappear thru Ywbf, but also it might be mostly "oh i can be in this group with evan and alana"......jared mostly seems to regard Attention From Anyone Else as something potentially negative, even though of course he doesn't want to Not get any attention, so on the one hand he's trying to get ahead of that Potential Negative Attention by trying to establish his own Role as [i'm the jokes boy] and be able to Deflect attention away from himself, or at least from whatever aspects of himself he doesn't want to have anyone focus on / question, and he seems to have an even more Defensive approach re: adults (i.e. "literally nothing i tell my parents is true") and it's easy to imagine that he sees it as like, as long as he Does This Checklist of Tasks He's Supposed To Do, e.g. "get decent grades" / "do some extracurriculars (i'm just remembering model u.n. was from Prior Versions Of The Show b/c it was related to that perjury thing and being the ambassador of luxembourg)" / etc and Adults Will Leave Him Alone Entirely Maybe........alana of course doesn't really wanna be left alone, but also she's more focused on her Peers than adults as well, ppl mischaracterizing her as like, only caring about grades & Rules & generally being a killjoy.........but natch if she Is trying to get good grades and Is involving herself in a lot of projects academic or extracurricular or unaffiliated with school at all, and there's gonna be more Work involved in that, and probably hanging out with her will involve doing work Parallel to each other, or at least, alana doing work while you do whatever.......and i think jared would Get that and wouldn't be like, "why are you boring" lol......out here down to bond with evan over basically a writing project......having Computer Skills which he presumably honed / hones on his own time.........this is a mess but im basically getting to "jared wouldn't think alana is boring or anything and would understand pursuing Something through the routes of Projects and Commitments and Approved Activities" look i'm phrasing everything terribly but if i don't just get shit down i'll never answer this ask

meanwhile i think alana would think jared is funny, which is nice b/c despite jared trying to be Humorous evan doesn't act very interested or like he's like "jared you're hilarious and i love that about you" lmao like. obviously people interpret jared's Attitude as like omg so uncaring he has no feelings he also has no problems b/c he Takes Nothing Seriously (which obviously. Humor / demeanor doesn't necessarily reflect taking whatever "seriously" or not.) and maybe evan's misinterpreting it too, but even if he Knows better re: how jared really feels about things, he's not exactly trying to engage with him about it any other way, so.......anyways alana thought connor's terrible joke from probably a while back is funny so. she'd probably Genuinely be like "haha good one jared" and jared would get to be like :o :o :o whoa i made a joke and someone reacted......natch jared's also just trying to like, Provoke evan into paying attention to him sometimes with his Humour / being able to comment on Real Shit without giving away his Real Feelings but like, probably not the ideal form of communication, and jared's out here @ connor like "it was a joke" so he'd probably be fine if any other students like, reacted to his jokes as jokes.........and alana could. also she might Joke sometimes in return lol

there Is that bit of an issue where yeah alana having a tendency to just Take The Lead on things where jared has a tendency to just like, back off if he isn't expressly given space in the first place or if he's pushed back, and this isn't Ideal obviously but like, he and alana don't have to interact via Working On Projects Together alone, especially not tcp, and it'd be an inherently different dynamic if they were interacting solely due to being Friends / wanting to hang out for no especial reason vs interacting to work on something together........and i don't think alana would Want a friendship to be the same as "someone she works on a project with" like, as far as we know in canon, alana only has Acquaintances and jared ends up losing his one friend, so i think if alana and jared become closer later on / start this new Actual Friendship between themselves, alana wouldn't want it to feel the same as like, being involved in tcp together (and neither would jared), and i also don't think jared would necessarily want it to feel like his friendship with evan, which natch wasn't going great, particularly not in those final months l o l .......even though both of them being Friendless would probably make them somewhat eager to make One Friend, they both got burned by their attempts to Get Closer To People (or A Person in jared's case lol) ("everyone needed it for something" like okayyy if you say so, guess we Are just forgetting about alana and jared's existence), and they might not exactly be raring to go about [Obtaining Friendship] the same way again. and since they both had a pretty Transactional approach to getting positive attention (i.e. jared helping evan out and doing shit for him, alana doing the same and presumably doing the bulk of the tcp work when evan ingeniously held jared at arm's length instead of having him more involved but then kind of peaced out of the project himself) it'd probably be nice for alana to have someone who seems to like being around her without it being due to any of the work she does / has done, whereas jared probably doesn't wanna be The Guy Who Helps Out and is only talked to for that purpose..............and them both having a friend who they Didn't make / keep via their respective wtaw-type approaches to things is probably gonna be encouraging re: the fact that yknow, they don't have to put on that certain Performance of what they think people might want from them / people might find Acceptable from them........and of course if they spend more time together they'll get more used to the other / learn about them, and probably ~Learn About Themselves~ since they're finally getting to like, Not be putting on a performance for someone / feeling like they have to play some specific role to be liked or whatever

and like, alana isn't just all Boring and incapable of having fun or comprehending what that is........i like soph's hc that she loves karaoke, jared could tag along and be the audience lol and it's just like, hey we can just have fun together doing shit for fun and not like, feeling like you're having to prove your worth to the other person all the time, just having some confidence that the other person likes you for who you are and they can relax and actually enjoy it

naturally i like the idea that alana and jared become friends (or better friends) in college........the rest of senior year has to be Not A Great Time and just generally more fraught than usual for them, and they could stand to have the summer before college to kinda take a breath (but also maybe feel worried about college) but then yknow once college starts they're In college and it's different from hs (and better), and it being a Different environment with Different people and a Different structure can also help them just like, get more comfortable with themselves and maybe (hopefully) feel more capable of pursuing stuff they really wanna do and just overall be having a better time than, say, in senior year of high school.....would sure be convenient if they went to the same one of course. lol. hang out all the time on campus / between classes, go to Social Occasions together, be in the same dorm / just keep hanging out at each other's, etc

also just like, on its own, i always like the idea of jared also being able to Make Friends / have decent, positive, accepting Social Interactions via joining a club / being involved in some extracurricular type shit, where he Can be comfortable like "oh i'm here to Do Some Tasks so i get to be part of this group of people just by signing up, not by everyone else deciding they want me around" and then yknow, be spending time with this group of people that way, end up hanging out at various points kind of branching off of whatever Tasks are being done, and sort of gradually realize that people Don't Dislike him and can then catch on that maybe he has some potential friends here.........it's fun to think of him doing like, tech work for theatre, and also in the midst of all these theatre people he can like, fully realize Oh I'm Gay (and maybe get to fully process what went down there re: evan and his own Heartbreak there, like the fact that it Was heartbreak).......and to add the idea of Alana Being Friends with him during college, maybe a) she can hang out over in the theatre area sometimes while he's doing whatever and work on her own stuff but also get to interact with everyone else who might be around and b) if he gets any comp tickets she can get one and c) idk she can maybe also be Directly involved in helping out sometimes......

and also anyways getting all the way to This Point in the answer before mentioning that like, of course both jared and alana are gay and maybe haven't figured this out entirely by the events of Canon but sure could during college and could be each other's Supportive Friend, naturally if one of them figures it out first the other one is like wow great i'm such an Ally of that, boy it feels really great to Know i have a gay friend actually, b/c i'm Such An Ally......and then figuring it out for themself as well lmao like aha. hope they don't think i'm copying them lol...........also the one Jared And Alana "Dating" idea i permit is that maybe back in the day when neither of them were Aware of their own gayness they like, vibed with each other and were like "hmm is this Having A Crush?" and "dated" awkwardly for like a month or two or something (or less lol)......naturally they could've had this sort of experience with Anyone but like, the sort of underlying thing that the Affinity they mistook for "i wanna date this person" was them rly having the potential to be good friends and have a significant relationship that way. but then them having this real awkward "dating" experience probably would delay that for at least a little bit lmao like avoiding each other b/c even if it sure was just like, a not-that-dramatic mutual breakup, it's still uncomfortable and it's like "why didn't this work out at all"............but yeah the important part is they're gay and they're friends and if they are also good friends while they're figuring out the Being Gay stuff for themselves then that's just nice for them.....have this person be supportive and glad for you........

also and yknow there's the idea of "what if jared and evan start to make up in College Times and possibly kleinsen happens" and obviously being back in touch with evan would be both fraught for jared and alana even if they're in this place where it's easier to extend him some grace here, but they'd sure understand each other's misgivings and trepidation here even if they don't really lay out each and every Detail of like "yeah here's why and how i was hurt back in the day in tcp times".......and yknow, for jared it wouldn't have to be like "wow after i lost evan i've had No Friends and having him back in my life would mean i'm not completely alone anymore," which might help him take his time in contemplating / reflecting upon the situation lol. and who knows, alana might be down to accept an apology as well at least or something. but regardless of that concept Yeah jared and alana getting to be friends in college would be cool for both of them.

these are all broad sweeping concepts lmao instead of like any fun details or specific events / scenarios lol but yeah here are some Thoughts.......a real tl;dr is that it'd be nice if like, overall, both jared and alana felt like they had some more space in college to figure themselves out and feel less pressure to fit some precise role that will win them approval, and they find some Connection through each other and get to share that like, Figuring Themselves Out territory while being friends and getting some emotional support from each other, and they are gay

[thismanateelovestowrite]

[PART 2] When you like Rocky but hate his group of friends

Thank you for coming back to share your thoughts~ To be honest, I was a bit too rushed with posting the previous part, which is why the ending was so open. I switched to something fluffier this part as I personally just really wanted to write something a bit more light-hearted~ ^^ I hope you enjoy this nevertheless and thanks for everyone who asked for a second part! 

so, the fluff... i felt happy writing this so i think it was good but...? see for yourself, i guess, lmao

[PART 1]

Words: 2325

Fluff with me screaming in the background

Requested by anon ♥

With teary eyes, you dashed down the stairs as fast as possible despite barely seeing the steps. Your heart beat loudly inside your aching chest, cancelling out the chatter from the people around you. They were probably looking at you weirdly as you wobbled your way down the stairs while sobbing loudly but you didn’t stop to think about that. You wanted to run away from the suffocating feelings you had had inside the library.

As one would imagine, going down the stairs in a state like yours most likely leads to something bad. You realized that only after finding yourself at the bottom of the stairs, holding onto your aching wrist while you felt a stinging pain on your side. The pain made you forget about your emotional status for a bit and you stared at your wrist, trying to see what was wrong with it.

“Are you okay?” a worried voice asked and you snapped out of your thoughts.

“Huh? Oh… Yes,” you nodded while getting up, hanging your head low to try and hide your face.

The person mumbled under their breath and soon walked away, making you sigh in relief. You turned to start walking but your legs had other plans, making you fall forward and onto the ground. Or so it would have been if a strong pull hadn’t kept you from falling.

“Be careful,” Minhyuk’s familiar voice made up turn to look at him. As soon as you saw his face, your heart skipped a beat. “You could really hurt yourself,” he frowned and you decided to avoid his gaze by staring down.

“Thank you…” you mumbled while your mind kept replaying the kiss from before, causing your cheeks to heat up.

He let out a deep sigh. “Why’d you run away like that? You didn’t even give me a chance to explain myself… Though, I guess it was my fault for being so sudden… I’m sorry.”

You couldn’t think of what to say and just stared at your slightly shaky legs. Discreetly, you attempted to wipe away the remains of your tears from your face.

“Look here,” he spoke softly and when you didn’t, he leaned closer to be on your eye-level before reaching out his hand and gently brushing it against your cheeks. “Gosh… I’m such a jerk for making you cry like this… I’m sorry.”

“It’s not like this is your fault,” you mumbled and hesitantly looked at him, making him stop. “I’ve just been piling everything up for a bit too long…”

***

“I-“

“No, stop saying it,” you cut Minhyuk off. “It won’t be of any help whatsoever, you’ll just end up hurting yourself.”

“Why do you think I’d be the only one hurt if we fought? That asshole’s pretty much nothing but bones and skin. I’d obviously be the winner.”

“Still, I don’t want you to do something like that over what happened,” you played with the glass of water in front of you. The scent of coffee was strong in the café you two had come to and you somewhat regretted not getting anything other than just water.

He stared at you for a bit before leaning back and sighing. “I can’t believe he acted like that towards you. And not just him, the others, too… All this time, I thought they were good people but I guess not…”

Looking at his disappointed expression, you felt a sting in your heart. “I’m sorry…”

“Why?”

“Just…”

“You aren’t blaming yourself, are you?” he read your thoughts and you avoided his gaze. “_____, this is in no way your fault. It’s not you who did something wrong. You understand that, right?”

You nodded but continued to avoid his gaze. For a while, you two only listened to the chatter around you while sipping your drinks.

“Ah, right. I’m sorry for running off earlier…” you apologized as the memory popped up inside your head. “I was just so overwhelmed with different emotions that I felt like I was being suffocated…”

“No, it’s okay…” he seemed somewhat taken aback by the topic and fidgeted in his chair. “After all, it was rude of me to suddenly just do that.”

“Why did you do it?” you couldn’t stop yourself from asking the question though you were surprised that it actually left your lips.

“Why, you ask… Well, why does one usually kiss someone?”

You just stared at him for a bit, unable to say anything for some reason. His gaze wandered around the café as he began to stutter incoherent things. Eventually, he stopped and took a deep breath.

“I did it because I wanted to, okay? My body just… couldn’t handle the feeling anymore.”

“So… You like me?”

He nodded confidently even though his cheeks were red. “More than I like anyone else.”

Your heart skipped a beat at his confession. “Oh…”

“Oh? What’s with the lukewarm reaction?” he seemed startled. “Does that mean you don’t like me? I mean, it’s okay even if you don’t but-“

“What? It’s not like that at all! I like you too! I just can’t believe that you like me.”

“Who wouldn’t like you? You’re the most amazing person I know.”

“Your friends don’t…” the words slipped out of your mouth before you even realized it. Worried, you looked at him to see if he seemed insulted.

He was silent for a bit. “What friends? I only have you,” he shrugged and sipped his drink. “And I feel like I won’t be calling you just a friend from now on.”

***

A smile played on your lips as you watched Minhyuk fill the tray for you. He already knew what you liked and didn’t like, so he didn’t have to ask about anything.

“I’m lucky to have you around,” you smiled to him once you two started to walk towards a table. “Thank you for helping out.”

“Well, it is my fault that you hurt your wrist yesterday so this is the least I can do,” he shrugged with a small smile. “Besides, I want to be a good boyfriend.”

You felt your cheeks heat up slightly at his remark and giggled.

“This should be a good table,” he put down the tray and pulled out one of the chairs. “Here.”

You hesitated before sitting down. “It’s nice here and all but… I don’t think it’s necessary to come all the way to the remotest corner of the cafeteria just to avoid seeing your friends.”

“Ex-friends,” he was quick to correct you. “Nevertheless, this is the safest option. Also, I want to be able to eat peacefully without all the loud chatter,” you smiled at each other. “Anyway, I’ll go get food for myself now. Don’t go anywhere.”

You nodded and he hurried off, making you laugh a bit. You felt completely different compared to the day before and you still couldn’t quite believe how things had turned out.

“Um…” the sudden voice was followed by a tap on your shoulder and you turned around. “Hey,” seeing one of the girls from Minhyuk’s friend group made you stomach twist a little.

Oh, boy…

“What is it?” you asked while preparing yourself mentally for what was about to come.

She seemed somewhat bothered, avoiding your gaze and fidgeting around. “I wanted to come apologize to you.”

“About what?”

“Yesterday, Minhyuk sent a message to our group chat. He told us about how we have made you feel and reading it, I felt really bad. I know I’ve been a horrible person to you but I just wanted to come tell you that I’m sorry about everything I’ve said to you.”

You looked at her silently, not sure what to say.

“To be honest, I’ve always been a bit jealous of you. You seem to have such a nice life compared to mine and I stupidly thought that hurting you would make me feel better. Obviously, it never did and every time I said stupid things to you, I was angry at myself afterwards.”

Seeing how different she seemed from normal, you could tell that there was sincerity in her words. She had never been the worst one of the bunch, anyway, so you didn’t resent her as much as you could have.

“Seems like I haven’t become an adult yet even though I’m in university,” she rubbed the back of her neck. “How embarrassing…”

You heard footsteps and soon, Minhyuk was standing between you two. “What are you doing here?”

She lifted her hands in the air as a sign of surrender and took a step back. “Calm down. I’m just here to apologize for my shitty behavior.”

You held onto Minhyuk’s hand and gave him a reassuring look. “It’s okay. She was just apologizing to me.”

“Why did you come alone?” he still sounded irritated. “For all I know, everyone owes ______ a hefty apology.”

She sighed and shook her head. “I asked them to come with me but they didn’t like the idea. Apparently, they feel like they haven’t done anything worth apologizing.”

After a brief silence, Minhyuk put his tray down on the table and sat down opposite you. “Assholes…” he hissed under his breath, looking pissed as ever.   “Even though I never really liked you, thank you for coming,” you turned to the girl. “Sounds like you could be a decent person, after all.”

“Well, it’s the least thing I can do after having been such a jerk towards you for so long. I’ll try to become less of a jerk,” her words made you smile a little. “Though I don’t really have the right to say this, I hope we can get along sometime in the future.”

***

“Don’t you think we’re moving a bit fast?”

Minhyuk looked at you. “What? It’s not like we haven’t held hands before,” he claimed. “Also, have you already forgotten that this romantic relationship started with a kiss?”

“How could I forget?” the memory made your cheeks blush. “My best friend kissing me out of nowhere… A memory I will never forget… Hey, what’s up with that grin?”

“The memory just makes me really happy. It was a nice moment.”

“I never expected you to be this bold,” you pointed out, your cheeks still hot. “Are you sure you haven’t dated anyone before?”

“I’ve been saving myself for you all this time,” he claimed immediately. “I’m just comfortable around you, that’s all.”

“I wish I was like that, too,” you sighed. “I can’t stop blushing while thinking about it.”

“I’m sure you’ll become more comfortable over time. I mean, we have plenty of time to practice, right?”

“Practice? What?” your eyes widened and when you turned your head to look at him, you found yourself sharing a kiss with him.

He ended it rather quickly and there was a mischievous smile on his lips as he looked at you. After having come back to your senses, you smacked his arm.

“Why?” he laughed. “Did I catch you off-guard?”

“You’re not allowed to do things like that!”

“Why not? We’re dating, aren’t we?”

“But still!” you chased after him as he ran away. “My heart is going to burst if you keep surprising me like that! Then you’ll have a dead girlfriend!”

“I’ll give you a chance, too,” he stopped suddenly and you ran into him. He looked at you and closed his eyes. “I’m all yours. Go ahead.”

“It’s not the same,” you nudged him, not sure what else to do.

He opened his eyes and nodded. “It’s okay. I’m sure you’ll have your chance at payback.”

He offered his hand and after you had taken it, you two began to walk. You talked about things you two had always talked about and you probably would have forgotten about the fact that he was now your boyfriend if you hadn’t been holding his hand the whole time.

“About those ex-friends of mine,” he sighed and you looked at him. “I’m going to cut all ties with them after I get them to apologize to you.”

“Are you sure? I mean, they could be regretting their behavior,” you kicked a rock and watched as it rolled forward.

“Why do you believe in them?” he frowned a bit.

“I really dislike them, don’t get me wrong. I’d push a few under a bus, probably,” your comment made him chuckle a bit. “It’s just that you always seemed so happy with them… I don’t want to take that away from you.”

Noticing you had arrived at your apartment building, you two stopped and looked at each other. He let go of your hands and stepped closer before wrapping his arms around you. You hugged him back, smiling a little at how comfortable his embrace felt.

“Honestly, being around you has always made me much happier than being around them,” he said with a soft voice. “Having you is more than enough to make me happy.”

You hugged him tighter as your smile widened. “You’re such a softy…”

“Actually, you make me feel ecstatic. You’re like a drug.”

You loosened your arms around him and took a step back. After giving him a look, you started to walk towards the door.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“If I’m a drug, I don’t want you to become addicted to me. Drugs are bad for you, you know?” you said while hurrying to the door, having a hard time hiding your mischievous smile.

“What the…? Hey, wait!”

You stopped at the door and turned around right when he stopped behind you. Unable to hide your smile any longer, you giggled a little. Then, you cupped his face and gave his lips a sweet kiss before turning back around, unlocking the door, and stepping inside.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” you said with a wide smile. Then you closed the door, leaving the blushing and surprised Minhyuk all alone, and skipped your way to your apartment where you let out a shriek of joy.

[crystalkleure]

It’s him! That’s my boy! I suck at making ref sheets and on top of being Generally Messy the main sketch here is also old as shit [and drawn entirely with the mouse] and I just cleaned it up a lot, but!! This Is My Son. [Well, one of them, at least. He’s got a boyfriend that is in desperate need of some updated art and that’s what I’m working on now 👀 It’s kind of a crime not to post them at the same time though tbh, they kind of. Go together.]

Info:

19

Male

Birthday: September 28th

Height: 5'7''

[Way more detailed info under the cut because this is The Favourite OC Child and also one of my oldest lmao]

Russian, but moved to America and has been living there for about 6-7 years [specifically New York City]. Can speak/read/write both Russian and English basically perfectly fluently. When he feels like cussing at something [or someone], he's gonna do it in Russian.

Has a pretty bad case of hyperdontia. New supernumerary teeth are constantly growing in, and forcing the old ones out. He usually has at least some loose teeth, though he pulls them out once he can.

If he bites down hard on something that is firm enough, there's a decent chance he's gonna leave some teeth in it. He does not like apples.

His teeth didn't puncture the skin of his face all on their own; he got into an accident and a lot of that skin was torn away, so when it healed it actually healed around his displaced teeth. Now even when the teeth are removed from the holes in his cheeks, the holes will remain and new teeth will eventually just grow in the same places. He would need some kind of surgery to correct this, and he won't get it because he doesn't trust most doctors.

Moderately terrified of motorbikes, because the unfortunate face-shredding accident in question was getting sideswiped by one. The actual impact didn't do nearly as much damage as skidding across the asphalt afterwards did -- that's what ripped flesh away.

Can speak just fine, surprisingly, though does occasionally have a tiny bit of trouble with certain sounds, like rolling Rs and Os. Depends on how many teeth are in the way in specific places at any given time. Any impediment is pretty much negligible, though.

He can actually sing. He has a lovely voice, though he's a little quiet/soft.

Wears an allergy mask to hide his unfortunate dental problem. Very few people get to see him without it.

Horrible eating habits. Refuses to eat in public for obvious reasons, but Eats Fucking Everything once he gets home.

Actually does NOT usually dress like this, if left to his own devices he'd be in a pair of sweatpants and an oversized sweater [or intact hoodie]. This is basically a stage costume, his bf leads a shitty rock n' roll coverband and he's the one who convinced him to wear it.

Squishy. Took awhile before he got comfortable showing a lot of skin, he was especially reluctant to have his stomach exposed. Self-conscious about his appearance in general, actually. In spite of this, he takes really meticulous care of his hair -- figures it makes a good distraction from his face.

Has somewhat disproportionately large hands.

You know those little bead gun machines that stick sparkly shit in your hair? Those things that are like, marketed towards middle school girls and are usually Excessively Pink? He's got one and he uses it. Who says dudes can't put sparkly shit in their hair too.

He's wearing ice cleats over his shoes. Those metal spikes+shells and platforms come off, there's a fairly boring pair of black boots underneath them.

There is no reason for him to be wearing those cleats in this picture. It is clearly not wintertime if he is wearing that hoodie [or what's left of it]. He likes them and he'll wear them anyway though, if there's no reason he can't [and alas, there are usually reasons...they fuck up any floor they touch, for one.]

Knows sign language [РЖЯ]. Before the accident, just keeping his mouth shut was usually enough to hide his teeth, so he used to be selectively mute instead of wearing a mask. Always good to learn how to communicate with different people, anyway -- he has also learned a good amount of ASL.

Lives with his alcoholic mother in a small apartment, and he pays a good chunk of the rent. He works the night shift at the front desk of a pretty seedy local hotel, part-time. He would move out on his own, but he worries about his mom.

His design is based loosely on a Tolype laricis moth [barring the teeth, obviously]. That's why his hair and eyebrows are Like That.

Loves bugs and arachnids, particularly the ones most people find scary or "disgusting-looking". Three guesses why.

At certain angles his eyes look blue or purple, and at others they actually look red. He is a true albino; due to the lack of pigmentation in his irises, sometimes you can see the blood vessels behind them. It's a little startling.

He doesn't have perfect eyesight, though it's not completely horrible either -- things are a bit fuzzy and bright lights are dazzling. He won't wear glasses, but he does wear contact lenses.

His "claws" are stick-on fake nails. They're metal, and they do nothing except look fierce and make life more difficult. He only wears them when he's hanging out with the bf. It's clearly impossible to manage contacts while wearing those unless you just feel like poking an eye out.

Greatly prefers colder temperatures to warmer ones. Pretty much melts anytime it gets hotter than 75-80°F.

[realitachifacts]

hi! ooc question (for the mod!), what do you think about itachis role/story in the show/manga? 💞💞

oh thank you so much!!! i love answering questions like this aaaaaaa

TL;DR: a ton of missed potential ):

okay so i’m gonna take this in a slightly different direction and also write about how i would have written itachi’s narrative alongside my analysis/opinion of it. this is DEFINITELY going to be long so it’s under the cut.

it’s pretty evident that the characters given the most focus in the show are naruto and sasuke. this is pretty much indisputable, with naruto as protagonist and sasuke fitting into the more complex role of antagonist-protagonist-antihero (which wasn’t given fair treatment by the narrative itself but again that’s another story). regardless, sasuke’s arc has a strong dependency on itachi, all the way back from the character’s introduction. and thus, this makes itachi one of the most important characters in the story, despite somewhat limited appearances. all of this can be pretty easily gleaned, but still, i think it’s worth repetition in an analysis like this.

while sasuke’s arc has strong dependence on itachi, itachi’s arc has an equally strong dependence on sasuke; at his point of introduction, kishimoto literally had planned no backstory for him, only that he wanted to “attribute to itachi some violent action that would have sasuke wanting to kill him”. though, later on, “when itachi was introduced, kishimoto had the idea to make itachi konoha’s secret agent who killed his clan under their orders” (which accounts for all of his character’s inconsistency throughout the series, and i personally have a hard time believing the decision to change was made at the moment of his introduction). itachi was introduced as a source of sasuke’s ambition and trauma, giving his character a driving arc. which, i mean, is fine. for a shonen story it’s a pretty average/decent goal and fits well within the universe and plot. as a character itachi’s design is solid, especially for playing the role of villain. his powers are cool. he’s interesting. 

and i think the biggest problem is that his story was over-complicated and just not thought out from the beginning; arguably, there was some foreshadowing early on to his position as an actual good guy. sasuke mentions in the forest of death that itachi is likely pushing him because he feels bad for what he’s done, and wants someone to kill him as justice. but… there was no weight for that and it seemed like a pretty baseless accusation on sasuke’s part, who appeared to harbor nothing but hatred for itachi and nothing even remotely resembling any form of sympathy or willingness to understand his older brother (i actually totally believe that sasuke could have guessed at itachi’s true motives, but the concept was pretty much immediately dropped after that statement- which, again, annoying lack of consistency). i love the relationship him and sasuke have as children, as i’m sure i’ve stated before. older brother as a villain to overcome/turned evil is interesting, turning out to be good all along even more so; but the second half is handled poorly, what i mean by missed potential. plus, itachi more or less needed to have hidden motives to push sasuke’s story in the direction it went in after the pein arc- sasuke wouldn’t really have anywhere to go after that and would probably struggle with a lot of internal conflict. and again, as i’ve talked about in a previous ask… the small amount of reconciliation provided wasn’t enough for either of them (especially sasuke).

so, here’s what i would have done.

in terms of canon adherence, there are pretty much only three options: 

1.) have him die a villain (admittedly killing his clan to test his abilities wasn’t the most believable goal, but eh, he’s an anime bad guy so whatever). as much as i don’t like this (i’m sort of a sucker for character redemption, but they pulled it off very badly), it would have made more sense within the storyline. it would’ve been nice if they pressed what sasuke believed on “he felt bad so he wanted sasuke to kill him” to the point where he was sympathetic but not good or redeemable. their final battle could’ve ended the same, with the forehead poke and all that, and just flashback scenes of things we haven’t seen in canon (that sasuke will never see) that prove his assumption was correct, and itachi did want to be martyred. it would keep him a pretty bad person but it would make both his and sasuke’s arcs feel more… conclusive, i guess. i personally believe the primary antagonists should have been the akatsuki and after pein’s death, the series should have wrapped up. was sasuke a little too messed up emotionally to just go back to the village at that point? …yeah. but him returning to the village voluntarily would’ve been more satisfying, and i’m honestly sure that, if the story was put in the hands of someone with plot-writing capabilities, it could have been done. this is supposed to focus on itachi so i’m not going to hypothesize on a hypothetical canon “story ends after pein arc” ending.

2.) have him be redeemed. this just… literally had to have been done from the beginning. unconditionally. in the previous ask i talked about how the characters are all displayed as wholly “good” or wholly “bad” and making a wholly bad character like itachi “good all along” just isn’t really possible with the way good characters are framed. it puts him in a middle ground that’s inconsistent with that categorization and fans are more or less forced into picking a side for him based on personal opinions. that alone could’ve been fixed by better characterization but again, off-topic. the torturing sasuke thing would have to go. sasuke could have returned to the compound either after itachi had left already (and was given some sort of clue or learned later that it was him) or itachi could’ve noticed him and left without speaking; very clearly not hurting him but he also just killed the rest of the clan so you can mark it as “okay, he’s a bad guy, but he spared sasuke entirely. why?” and there’s already suspicion he had an ulterior motive. sasuke could have decided on revenge on his own; made hateful through pain and loneliness along the lines of gaara or no-iruka naruto (it would make gaara’s communications with sasuke later around their battle/attack on konoha more chilling or get through to him more). i feel like it also would have made it easier to convince sasuke to return to konoha because naruto is pretty able to get through to people like that. in the hallway scene, itachi would still refuse to take on sasuke but eventually do so, and should have been clearly going out of his way not to hurt him; ending the battle by making him unconscious with the sharingan or something, i dunno. the indifference would (unintentionally, on itachi’s part) fuel sasuke’s choice to get revenge; which he would have made apparent that that’s what he desires (though of his own volition this time). itachi probably wouldn’t be expecting that, but as he’s dying later in life, he’d give in to a final battle with sasuke, both feeling himself being redeemed throughout it and giving sasuke the satisfaction of killing him. but if it was super clear he went out of his way to hurt sasuke at any cost, the “itachi was good all along” thing would make so much more sense. however…

3.) this is a subset of 2. for 2 to exist and itachi to be painted as a good guy, the reason the clan was killed would need to be different. so, canonically, it’s stated that the uchiha are oppressed, they want more rights, threaten a coup d’tat if they don’t get them, and so danzo the third hokage orders them to be killed by itachi. this is where we get into trouble. as i’ll repeat time and time over, the narrative frames people as being unconditionally good or bad. in the eyes of the average fan, the uchihas fighting back against the leaf village- konoha is always shown as good- for more rights is morally gray at the absolute best, and more likely to be seen as bad, as with most revenge/opposition to the system motives in fiction. which is another unfortunate product of the very morally polarized lens the characters are placed under. but, more in theory, it is very hard to make itachi and sasuke “good” at the same time. if you’re going down a fighting oppression arc in a story, you want the character fighting against it to be viewed positively (like katniss, right?). so, by extension, itachi or sasuke gets to be the bad guy, and it’s 100% reliant on what the uchiha clan’s motive was. frankly, a lot of the uchiha get painted as villains (with the curse of hatred, it makes partial sense)- madara, sasuke, itachi, obito, etc, so pretty much all the main ones are “bad” at some or all points of their story. what would’ve worked best in my opinion is to go back to madara’s time and the initial interactions between the uchihas and the hidden leaf village. basically just… make them bad/a threat from the beginning; no government oppression, they were always just villains/in the “bad box” (note that this is in terms of canon adherence and i’ll get to my own personal “if i wrote this” in a second because eh, i don’t like framing the hidden leaf village as good at all lmao). they were just bad and going to take over the village, so they were killed by itachi before they killed everyone else. after obito got to sasuke, he could have constructed an elaborate lie about what the village was “secretly” doing and made it convincing to anyone watching, as well. so you think itachi is bad again, and sasuke is justified in wanting revenge against the village, learn later that itachi was good, but then it’s also hard to fault sasuke, since he was only working with the information that he was given and had the right idea at heart. but basically with what we’re given it’s almost impossible to make everyone “good” so it’s probably not even worth it. i mean it’s: itachi, sasuke, hidden leaf, uchihas- pick two to make redeemable at most. i don’t think telling a thirteen year old to just kill his whole family is really ever justified and i’m super biased so i’m going with itachi and sasuke.

in terms of what i would have done if i had full control (and the massacre HAD to happen), here’s what i’d do:

1.) itachi explains to sasuke at the beginning what happened and basically tells him to grow stronger through friendship/bonds to prevent this from ever happening to someone he loves; sasuke’s narrative then revolves around revenge against the government instead of his brother, which would be a good parallel to naruto’s wanting to be hokage, since the two are so paralleled in general. they could both learn something from that. plus i would want the words of “grow stronger from love” (instead of from hatred) to impact him and he has a deeper desire to grow closer to people and make friends, i guess. (this is my most preferred outcome not gonna lie)

2.) i also wouldn’t be opposed to itachi just taking sasuke with him but that would usurp most of the actual story.

3.) the writing is good and itachi lives and gets more time to reconcile with sasuke. he returns to konoha and becomes hokage and takes care of his crows and chickens and spends time with his niece sarada and his nephew-in-law boruto and niece-in-law himawari who all adore him. admittedly this is INCREDIBLY self-indulgent but hey, i have control of the story now. and there’s no reason this and 1 can’t exist at the same time, haha. 

god that was so long i’m so sorry anon but i hope you like it!!!! i like… am not gonna read this over to edit it so sorry for typos. ): thank you again for asking!!! aaa if you read it and would like to please let me know what you think!!!

[ramblingshit]

The Woman in Black - 1989 - 3/10

looks like the 1980s but with somewhat older-style outfits; exposition mutherfuckerrrrrr;

very slow, fluffy script; oh got the cut is just forward and back as they speak, now we’re close flipping forward and back when its their turn to speak i’m dying. exposition, telling other characters what the audience has already heard; each of these scenes are far too long with so much fluff, Jesus Christ the cuts just throw us into a completely different place with no transition its so abrupt and the jump cuts are infinitely worse fuck half of these are like .5 seconds long, they’re so basic its crazy. some j cuts all of the sudden and some decent direction all of the sudden on this indoors scene wtf lol. then back to awful cuts, apparently just outside and between scenes.

i can’t even focus on the story because there’s so much nonsense filming, writing and acting and jfc.

the 2012 version is only 5 minutes less but this one reaaaaally feels like its length while the 2012 one does not.

the house is just a grey house in a simple marsh, unassuming, boring to look at, the birds chirp, there’s a half-sunken cemetery nearby, the woman in blacks just standing there in broad daylight with a lil hat on her head, her skin like yellow tinted with red around her eyes kinda lookin like the wicked witch of the west, just staring casually at him they giving her a mid-shot and a close-shot and all, got some crooked shaped eyebrows, i think she’s angry? I’d be angry too with that ugly ass velvet donut on my head; she slowly sorta makes her way a few steps toward him, he sprints off and locks the door then turns on all the electrical lights in the house and seems alright; the rooms are tiny and clean cause she only just died (woman in black’s sister) - it’s really not scary - all white and beige with floral designs, boring frames with dark protraits; reminds me of the rooms at the thornton’s house and other old bedrooms i stayed in as a kid; fuck he’s really turning every single light on. he’s drinking again. we’re half an hour in and he’s messing around with some sort of recorder whistling into it and shit - omfg i thought that was leading up to a scare but no. telling the clues of the mystery in these weird cylinder recordings instead of the 2012 letters? he’s drinking again. WHOA hey we got an establishing shot and its a red-bricked house three stories tall with a big ass entrance way and pointed roofs and lots of windows am i missing something wait what happened to the grey house. there’s no scary music, its all light, there’s no suspense its like well here we are, now we’re here, now the marsh is water, there’s fog and horses and he’s nervous and there’s horses and women and children screaming yikesss ol mate looks mildly nervous, they must have hired him for his scared running and dramatic turns, NOW THE HOUSE HAS GREEN VINES ALL OVER IT. i mean he seems passionate about his role he’s tryin his hardest thats for sure. half of its filmed like a stage show - where’d the dog go. continuity needs to like actually be a thing. why do these candles have hats they’re on beautiful candelabras and now there’s more alcohol. for epople who have a butler and a maid on stand-by their tablecloth looks like a crumpled sheet and the lampshades look like they were picked up from the tip and they’re fkn crooked for godssake. we’re 46 minutes in and theres been maybe 25 minutes of actual story. he ran because he was afraid and that sits wrong with him so he wants to go back - now he’s ‘brave but not brave enough’. stubborn muthafucker. his rational friend is like lol you’re a moron, take my dog as companion he’s called spider for some reason. jesus fuck the cuts they get me everytime they’re scarier than anything else i’ve seen. unsurprised i could see the shadow of the camera. oh okay the grey house is the generator room out back that makes more sense. locked doors, ring of many keys but no key will turn. completely wasted mirror angles that were making me actually kinda anxious waiting to see something in them like damn son wasted opportunity. thrilling to watch this guy go through wads of paper not really looking at anything just pushing them around the great lawyer he is conveniently only finding and looking at plot-relevant things. kid crying mummy mummy while the lady just screams horribly - OMG NOW HES telling the recording exactly what we just heard and saw fuck sakee i love this movie its so dumb spoon feeding everyone - naw spider in his beeeeddd 10/10 best actor. nothing scary has actually happened other than weird lady staring constipatedly at him. he out here gon break his shoulder - sprint sprint sprint PACE PACE PACE – THE DOOR IS OPENNNNN ooohhwuuuhohhh and now he has an axe. he’s a fuck load more of a scardey cat than my main man harry potter and its the nursery - A BALLLLLLLL fell from the SKYYYYY and he doesn’t seem too fazed lmao. spiders just chillin on a chair like yep you’re in trouble. creepy old dolls. a kid just said 'hello’ and laughed, like friendly. 'hello?’  and put a toy in his hand. this is actually interesting. whoops the lights have gone out - PROBS CAUSE HE TURNS THEM ALL ON. nothing even scary happened, the kid said hi and clearly wanted to play then he sprinted away and now is panicking trying to find a torch where is he going its not even that dark back at the generator. cause god forbid- - OMG HE:S LITERALLY GO TTHE WHOLE HOUSE LIT UP mate why do you think it all went out omg im crying he’s freaking out about spider running off oh nah nevermind he’s fine lololol he was freakingggg outttt and then just chills immediately and goes back inside. i love this guy he’s trying so hard. the 70s lampshades are swinging from the roof. would be more eerie if it were actually dark and nah gonna just move over that back to him telling the recording exactly what we just saw. every fucking light. every FUCKING LIGHT. he’s lucky he doesn’t have to pay for electricity. this is the third time we’ve heard this crash and the kid and the lady screaming and he’s going angry about it cause its very noisy and he’s lost his mate’s dog whoops. lol whoops his mate found his own dog half drowned in the marsh and is just chill with it. wait this has all happened in a day?? this fuckin guy. ol mates got him rugged up and getting him outta there cause he collapsed in fright from finding the nursery trashed. that’s it. like yeah its spooky but come on man. is this the climax of the movie??? we an 1hr12min in. think they’re only breifly and vaguely mentioning that to see her means a kid will die and has died - how the fuck are you supposed to make her fearsome if you declaw her and take away that which threatens people: the fact she’s out there causing kids to die. floral bed covers. are they seriously not even going to show the dead kid. they’re just chatting. and again wa– holy fuck these people shes like neeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrhhh with a hogwarts cloak on and short curly hair with that yellow face and crooked brows, and he’s got his arms over his face, eyes shut just lying on his bed screaming - fuckin close ass shots i can see up their noses. now he’s taken ill poor mate. also he’s in a different bed?? and now he’s awake and talking some whack shit. has anyone called his wife yet lol. an awesome shot of just him sleeping. and another one. who’s this lady? oh its his wife. what’s she doing here i guess they did call her ahahaha. everything is so bright and blue and white where is the deeeeeath how is any of this scary its just so much chilling out and chatting and lol bye hope you get better have fun talking men. what. the house burned down? what. ol mate seems suss. HE’S SUSS. ol mate definitely burned that shit to the ground. who knows why he didn’t really seem sold on the whole thing but ya know. now they’re wearing like any old clothes they can find. and there’s a soldier too. and they’re training off into the sunset. that woman is not old enough to be this guy’s mother. what. we have cake time. pointless pointless scenes. ooooooooooooooooooooooo he got the ptsd from the horse clackity clack. no woman with hair that perfect sleeps without it in rolls or covered, not back then lol. where’s the deatttttthhh. oooohweeerrroooooo. whats in the box in the box whats in the box todayyy. acting is always 10/10 with this guy, especially the angst and strong emotions. he really doesn’t care for actually investigating these many papers he’s got in these boxes. um. he was in his office. and then the next scene was him entering his office and hanging up his jacket in his office????? wot. THE PAPERS AREN’T IN THE FIREPLACE MATE THEY’RE OUTSIDE OF IT. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OH MY GOD HES MAD HES SETTING THE OFFICE ON FIRE HOLY FUCKKKKKKKKK MATE. dude you are so fired. fireman is like yeah i found this jerry can of parrafin you wouldn’t happen to know anything about that would you. omg omg he’s attacking his boss this is so exciting. i think he’s fired lol. can’t believe he’s not been arrested. what do you tell your wife lmao. how do you get references for another job in this career. her hair is so perfect. she wants to talk, he silences her with a kiss, conversation moves on, he silences her with another kiss - typical. now they’re boating. there’s 3 minutes left. are they gonna drown. omg the jumpcuts. SHES STANDING ON WATER. SHES JESUS. ahahhahahahahAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA DEATH BY TREEEEEEEEEE and i think they did drown omg ahahah my guy, wife kid and baby. that’s fuckin dark. last literally 1 minute of the movie just kill everyone off. what a shit fest i love it.

[mogamifucker666]

 cabana au plot thing maybe. i can’t write so.. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

premise: Mogami is an assassin/hitman, working at a tropical resort for cover. his mom is sick. he works with SG guy (Sargent) as assassins but also at the same tropical resort place. Matsuo is a rich gold digger, killed his last husband but was judged innocent in the trial. now he’s looking for thrills, doesn’t desire more money, just trying to have a good time. which for him means.. causing choas.

(this post is so long and dumb and gay i am so sorry for anyone on tumblr mobile RIP)

(edit: it’s even longer now and i tried to fix the typos from before. i hate how invested i am in this AU and yet i cannot stop.)

Matsuo comes to this resort regularly and the staff are Wary and particular about the staff they (somewhat) sacrifice to Matsuo. but Matsuo has MAD CA$H so they assign him like.. a personal attendant of sorts.

Mogami was hired between the last visit and this one, has been working there a lil while (some months but less than a year), Sargent is part of the resort’s management and works to cover for Mogam to give him alibis while he’s off killing ppl Just In Case

Mogami probably has an alias that he uses for like everything and that’s “Kai” bc he works by the ocean lmao. 

I guess Mogami works around the pool and beach? waiter/bartender type thing. trained as a lifeguard so he does that too.

Anyhow he gets assigned to Matsuo, is aware that Matsuo’s was on trial for the murder of his husband but wasn’t convicted, but doesn’t really know what to expect. definitely not the chaotic twinky gremlin that Matsuo is in this AU.

Possible first interaction: Mogami is just trying to serve some drinks  and Matsuo intercepts him and he's like "can i help you.....uhm........?" (can't figure out Matsuo's gender) 

Matsuo, "that would be sir, thank you. but in a different context you can call me baby." Mogam is internally like o no-- Matsuo, not missing a beat, "and i can call you daddy." and Mogami is like. CRIngiNG he's like this is it, this is the curse brought on by killing people, the bad luck has finally caught up with me-- etc

Matsuo has a thing about paying ppl with Mogami’s job 4 sex/seducing them

Mogam is not about it

Matsuo won’t ease up

Anyway. things r tense and assassin stuff is more difficult bc of dealing with being Matsuo’s attendant. but there r days when Mogam isn’t working, where he has leave to “see his mom” which are often used for assassin stuff but. sometimes seeing mom. sometimes both.

Mogam still maintains his cool and indifference to Matsuo’s attempted advances

it’d be ridiculous if Matsuo very obviously fakes drowning. standing in shallow water (literally standing) and just flinging water around and looking like a fool, calling out “help me lifeguard! im Drowning! oh the humanity! i am struggling to breathe oh lifeguard please help me!” mostly bothering the other people around so Mogami feels compelled to usher him away but Mogami does Not lol and Matsuo just looks like a desperate fool.

maybe he actually pretends to drown

“i think i need cpr”

“i’ll just call an ambulance for you”

“come ON” as Mogami gets up and Leaves

Matsuo: >;;;;^(  Mogami: B^|

Matsuo prObably goes for some other poolboys in the meantime. partly for attention, partly because it’s what he does.

Matsuo insists that Mogami has a secret (and he does) but Mogam denies that he has any secret of interest to Matsuo

somehow Matsuo finds out about his mom tho and Mogam is like “ah yes. my dark secret. i am indeed secretly tender at heart and love my mother very much. u got me.” but like. no it’s that he’s killing people. But there is some bonding and more respect from Matsuo. some but not much.

the Advances continue tho Matsuo is like still like  “if u need money then sleep with me??”. Mogam is like. No.

also, at some point, Mogami to Matsuo “has anything bad happened to you at all in your life?” (bad things have happened but it’s been a While and Matsuo is hella detached from that)

Matsuo is legit like. lowkey a psychopath probably and breaks into Mogam’s (place of residence) (apartment proabably?) and Mogam gets back from a nearby “job” (shady bloody job) and Matsuo sees him (Matsuo wasn’t hiding lol) and Mogam Very Clearly bloody (under the shirt he was wear and since removed bc he’s home now) and is internally like “i’m not prepared to deal with this. this is over my head, the disappearance would go noticed, and would obviously connect to me... i’ll call Sargent. i probably have to kill him, such a hassle.. could be the end of things. what i thoughtless greedy awful--”

i drew it:

(evil gremlin pixie gets gay while dead-inside man contemplates the logistics of murder and disposing the body)

he glances down and Matsuo is like... sparkly heart emojis looking at the blood on Mogami and. Mogam is CONFUSED hE’s like “What.. are you doing looking like that?????”

(the blood drawn on his face/hand doesn’t make sense now that ive thought about it but. i can’t be bothered now.)

(my fave Mogami reaction to Matsuo is “bitch what the fuck” honestly) 

Matsuo is rlly hot about the blood i but Mogam is just tired of this he’s like. resigned and kind of given up and legit just “I’m going to take a shower”

“can i come with u? ::::3c”

“you can do whatever you want” (figures Matsuo will follow him but doesn’t care if Matsuo leaves and tells the police he’s just tired rn)

Matsuo does follow him (he’s got his Eyes on the Prize)(the “prize” has gotten more and more interesting and enticing as time went by and now he is enthralled. Matsuo is chaotic and freaky and i love him. kinky(TM))

Mogam is trying to ignore Matsuo in the shower but eventually just Gives Up and like yeah wow sex huh

it is. a lot more good than Mogam anticipated and Matsuo is very :^)))))) after (satisfied and “i told u so” and still sneaky but also. more solidly attached now)(Mogam is endearingly passionate  and it’s hot i guess idk don’t look at me)

Matsuo is probably the only (alive) person besides Sargent who knows he’s killing people so like. that relieves tension and allows for more intimacy ok

(im gay don’t talk to me)

at some point after that Matsuo is like “you like killing people”

“no, it’s just a job”

except he does and something happening close to the time of the convo is like ‘wait yes i do enjoy it..’

At Some Point Matsuo gets a wound over his eye (so the scar matches canon lol), it’s somehow a result of hanging around Mogami

thanks @ Nick for this idea: maybe Matsuo gets kidnapped and Mogam has to go save him. Jokes on Mogami tho Matsuo knows how to use a gun and can handle i knife decently. basically Matsuo kills at least Some of his abductors, gets his face slashed, and escapes by the time Mogami arrives to save him.

probably a sobering experience for Matsuo like ‘o right actions have consequences that affect me. wow. strange.’

this isn’t a deterrent for him tho, he’s still having fun, but he’s gonna be less flippant and careless from then on.

idK eventually an agreement of commitment happens and like. Mogam quits and the resort and moved back with Matsuo to the US i guess and now he doesn’t have to worry about money for his mom’s care bc Matsuo is stacked.

so Matsuo has married twice and the latest one is dead but the other one (his first marriage) is to Toichiro.

Toichiro’s wife divorced him, he’s rich and is some important af person in a corporation idk, he and Matsuo r together for a while and then married briefly and then Matsuo divorces him and gets hella money (awful. cruel. rude boy. evil. i love it) 

(their relationship was like. probably kind of sad bc Toichiro is pretending he’s not torn up abt his ex-wife and maybe Matsuo like?? wasn’t just being a gold digger and actually cared about him, but was constantly eclipsed by the ex-wife n got tired of it and once they were married he was pretty soon like “Okay. That’s That. Bye.” dark. idk Matsuo is an energetic and wild person and Toichiro is cold and dead inside and Matsuo probably brought a lot of like.. joy to his life, and he took that for granted n Matsuo left. bye bish.)(lmao i h8 angst i’m sad now)

the current dynamic between him and Toichiro is like.. whenever they see each other they just drag the shit out of each other and r snide and that’s their point of camaraderie but Matsuo rlly doesn’t care abt him and always rubs Toichiro’s unsatisified life in his face.

but Matsuo is with Mogami now and they’re back in the US (some big city, probably Los Angeles or NYC.. or both. Matsuo has an unnecessary excess of wealth he can have a house on both coasts) but they end up talking with Toichiro and so Toichiro and Matsuo r doing their nasty banter thing and Toichiro starts talking dirty and about stuff he and Matsuo did and Matsuo is kind of pissed and internally like ‘wow in front of my boyfriend?? i know i have no class either but xcuse u bitch :^)’ but. also talks abt the stuff he’s been doing with Mogami. meanwhile Mogami is just there SEETHING quietly, tensely but politely smiling, thinking 'the nerve of this awful man with ugly eyebrows. abhorrent.' Matsuo is keeping an eye on him as the tension is rising and eventually.. 'wow my murder bf is about to fight my ex and while that's Hot that's not a good idea---' so he he cuts the conversation off like "well, i know who i've chosen--" wraps arm around Mogami's waist "--have a good life pining for your ex-wife" and like. leaves. bye.

or “have fun trying to fill the void left my your ex-wife for as long as you live”

Matsuo’s second marriage is probably to Ishiguro and purely for the money. but Ishiguro is gross and old and Matsuo was tired of waiting for him to die and took matters into his own hands. and ended up with a lot of money and no jail time.

idk what else. vague ideas kind of like. Mogam has a day of and Sargent goes to visit momgami in the hospital as a way to cover for Mogami going to do a hit. or doing a hit for Mogam so he can visit his mom. tru friends. 

the beginning aesthetic being like. tacky tropical beach and it changing into like. lavish but sleek spy-aesthetic by the end is funny to me. tropical pattern prints and speedos and petty drama and humar to dark clothes and a scar  and like. weirdly devoted and sexy dynamic. silly to serious. hilariously bad rom com to..  rich murder gays (NBC Hannibal stole my aesthetic)

im starting to fall asleep but ya this au was originally 100% shitpost and yet here. i am. thinking about it seriously.

[thekirstenkhaye]

Thank you, 2018. NEXT!

Ari, I’m sorry. Just trying to be punny there.

Peace y’all! Hope that didn’t get to shoo you away from reading this entry. Bear with me, please. I just really suck when it comes to my intros. Now let’s move on, eh? NAKA MOVE ON NGA AKO EH, kayo pa kaya?

Kirsten, ENOUGH.

K, let’s do this 😊

This entry will be full-packed of stories, facts and reflections from how this year had been. You know why? Well, I may not have been updating that much on my social media accounts anymore of all the things that have had happened this past year, but I swear to G! This year has probably been the MOST EVENTFUL year that I’ve had thus far. Of course, when I suffered from that ruptured AVM (Arteriovenous Malformation) in my brain and tried to recover from it on the years 2013-2014 will never be irreplaceable on being a major turning point in my life. However, if we’ll talk about on actually living life, 2018 has been one heck of a kind of roller coaster ride, living life to the fullest and a fckload of growing up.

So, let’s start. Shall we?

Honestly, I got side-tracked for a couple hours, in this exact part while writing. Yeah, shoot my short attention span and all over the place mind. But you’ll see why I had to do them first. I mean, that if you are actually here reading this and you know, thought of browsing and reading more of what is in this blog. Because I assure you, just clicking on those words up there in the header, you’ll see more. And yes, I’m shamelessly plugging now and wasting more of your time just to read more of my nonsense blabs because I did update everything that you can read here that are just extra. Hihi. I’m so sorry. But I hope you liked what you’ve read if you actually spent some time reading one or two more entries from this blog other than this one.

Now, let’s truly begin.

First of all, I guess, as how I always start my entries.. You’re here now in my somewhat personal space, my outlet, my blog, welcome to Lifenigma!

It has been awhile yet again since I last posted a decent entry. If I’m not mistaken, it has been 4 long months. And to be honest, even though it has been that long already, some things are still as complicated as how they were. Although, let me emphasize with “some”, eh? Because for the last couple months, there is at least one thing that have cleared in my life. You wanna know what?

Well, have you ever asked yourself what the Amighty has been thinking why on the name of Him you are alive and has to live your frigging life? SAME. I know. Especially in times when you just don’t know what to do with your life. Yes, I have asked the same question maybe more than a thousand times that He probably got tired of it already and now just showed me how I could determine the answer to my never ending query.

It wasn’t easy, I must say. It took me awhile to figure it out. And then one day, you know, I realized, damn, this is me. This is my purpose. This is the reason why I’m not laying stone cold dead 9 feet under. I found it and my passion for it has what kept me driven to wake up every single day with a very optimistic mind, heart and soul.

So you know what? There may be things that are very complicated until this moment I’m typing this entry out, but by just thinking of this purpose of mine in this world, I’m full, I’m complete and I’m sure that I’ll get by no matter what. All these complicated things that are bugging me are just bonuses of accepting to live the life He still gave me a chance to live, one more time. I mean, this may not be the last time that He’ll let me, but who knows right?This might be the last one, too, already but I don’t mind anymore. Because I know by now that I got to live it with a purpose, and not just surviving it for my own benefit.

You’re probably itching to know now what on earth is this girl has been talking about, aren’t you? Well, if you are my friend or even just an acquaintance from somewhere now that I’ve been visiting to, you would know somehow. You’ll probably have a guess that is probably right anyway. But if you’re not and are just here because you saw my tweet or post somewhere about this and got curious so you clicked on it and tried reading, then let me tell a brief story first.

Hi, Hello! This girl’s name is Kirsten but usually, people call me “Kaye” now. It’s actually just K like the letter because that’s from my nickname before which was ‘KL’ but somewhere along the way of my life, some people in it were lazy enough to not include L in calling me hence it ended up with K. But I’m too extra to just stuck myself with a one letter name so I created my own name that most people actually thought now that it’s my real second name, so yeah. Anyways, enough about my name. That’s actually not the story that I want you to know. But at least now you know, right? Hihi. Okay, moving on.

I think let’s just cut this story short. I’m 23 now so it has been how many years now? LOL, do the math, man. But yeah, when I was 17, it was summer, April 9th of 2013 if I can remember it correctly. It was around noon, we were taking a break from arranging the decorations in the garden of our client where her son’s going to have his party. We were having our lunch, talking about stuff that I couldn’t really remember anymore. Then I went for a glass of ice cold coke, took a sip and the next thing I know is there was this electricity-like that went from my head straight out to my left arm that it felt like it’s going to get removed from my body on how strong the current that went throught it was. When I got my consciousness back, I was already in the ICU with my head feeling like they’re going to break open and all I could think of was “Why isn’t there a priest here, yet? Am I not going to die already?” But somehow, I survived one whole week aching in the ICU with tubes attached to my groin, my mouth, my nose, my arm, my hand. Somehow, I just woke up one day, the nurses were already rolling me up to a Recovery Room. And in the Recovery Room was when I figured I could not move anything on the left part of my body anymore. It was when I talked, my saliva would just drip uncontrollably on the side of my mouth. It was when I wanted to scratch my arm where my IV was taped on, but I couldn’t even lift my left arm. It was when I wanted to pee, only to realize that there was a catheter in my you-know-where. It was when I got hungry and asked for a food and they gave me a blended shit and fed me through an NGT (Nasogastric Tube). It was when for the first time in a very long time, I had to be bathe by other people. And all I had to do was go with all of it because it was the situation that I had to deal with.

Okay, story time is over.

Was it sad? Was it depressing? Well, that was only my vague memories in the hospital, ladies and gentleman. But everything that happened clearly in my head after that fate I had to get through, well, let’s just not talk about it. 2013-2014 were the years that I had to deal with all of that. One takeaway from those years? Depression isn’t just a phase. It’s something that you will just learn to live with. Ever wonder why I need this blog? It doesn’t really do much to me just like how usual bloggers out there right now are benefiting from it. No, I don’t have this for things like that. I tried though, I won’t deny that. But I realized, no, this is not that. This is my outlet. This is where I can breathe all the bottled up thoughts and feelings that I have to let go of somehow because I wouldn’t ever get to do that with anyone in person.

Now, again, Kirsten, get to the point, yeah? What is this purpose of yours that you have found? LOL. Okay, folks! Relax. Hihi. Here you go.

It’s pretty obvious, I guess. Especially to those people who have an idea of what I have been doing this past year. Yes, I have been volunteering with stuff that has something to do with the sector of Persons with Disabilities. I have been since 2017. However, I guess, 2017 was more on like empowering myself first as a person with disability that has accepted her new given life as a cause of having an acquired disability. In 2018 though, I began to start seeing the potential in me of becoming a leader. The potential that somehow, some other people had seen first than seeing it myself first. And in this year, I have embraced that. It was tiring. It was even nerve-wracking at some point. It actually came to a point also that it overwhelmed me somehow. But you know what? While all of those were what I was feeling, I’m still willing to do everything just for something that it needs for it to be done. And that’s how I found it, my purpose. That in the same way I got myself empowered despite my disability, I want to help other people with disabilities too to see the silver lining of their situation. It’s not going to be easy, I know that. I’ve seen it for a year now. But I know, one day, if not all, at least there will be more PWDs out there that wouldn’t be afraid to get out anymore because they know they are also part of the society, that they matter. And somehow, I hope, one day, the community would be more disability inclusive already and not see and treat them as an outlier.

And you know, just as simple as knowing that I’ve got to acknowledge them, that’s enough for me. Because, you know, sometimes, people just need to feel that there’s a person that sees him/her and would be willing to listen of what he/she is going to say. Sometimes some people just want to share something that happened to them and all you have to do is listen, and you know sometimes that already means a lot to somebody.

Anyways, I’m not exaggerating here, okay? I’m not even trying to put myself on the pedestal of being an effin good samaritan. Cause well, let me tell you, almost all my co-leaders actually know how much of a bitch I can be when I’m out of it with being an angel. LMAO. You get my point there already, I guess, yeah?

You’re probably wondering now why I’m stressing that topic so much in this entry when this is a year-ender one. It’s simple, I think. It’s just that I’m very thankful that at the end of this very rocky year that I’ve had in 2018, I got to end it with this very meaningful turn of events. It’s very simple, if you would think of it. It’s just one thing. But I guess it’s just that meaningful and powerful that it let me look over all the not-so-nice things that have happened to me this year. Frankly, I can’t even feel the pain from them hard times anymore. I haven’t forgotten them and I don’t think I’d ever will, but you know, it’s not that much of a big deal to me anymore.

I know and I’m sure of it that one of these days, I will have to face them  ̶  you know, family matters, my lovelife and I should probably include here my work too. But as I said up there, these are all just bonuses to me already. I’ll deal with them in time. But for now, wherever those other things are at in this life of mine, I’m just glad that they are there making me this strong woman that I am now.

My dear 2018, with all the pain and disappointments you brought me, I still thank you. So please, tara na sa NEXT! Hehe. Just kiddin, not really that in a hurry. Not much but I don’t think anyone has a choice now anyway but be ready for another year, yeah?

I hope you all have reflected on the things 2018 had brought you, may they be good or not so good. You still have time to do it. 2019 is just around the corner now. And as most people say, NEW YEAR, NEW ME! Can be. But always remember, It’s just another day to live by. Just keep on going. And bear this in mind, you don’t have to be a brand new you, you just have to make sure that you are here willing to be better than you were earlier.

 Vivre la vie au maximum, folks! Bonne Année!

                         ~Kaye

PS: I know I didn’t talk about some other stuff that you might be expecting I would talk about. I will. I will, okay? Just saving it for a different entry, just so I’d be motivated to use my laptop and start writing my thoughts out again, than bottling them up and just forcing myself to not mind them that much because it would just be too much. So, just STAY TUNED, I guess. And do come back again, if you’re a new visitor. Have a happy New Year! 😊

[survivorindia]

Does Jordan Pines Think I’m F**king Stupid?- Sarah

Episode 4

Great.. a swap. Worst of all, three of my four main allies 'ere are on the other tribe. It's just Alex and I swinging at the fences now. Last night, Alex and Gavin called me so they could walk me through what's been going on with their tribe and so we could find a way to get OUT of this mess. Luckily, we still know the name of our idol board and we've already set up what each other (Alex and I) will guess so we'll keep that rotation going. So right now on my tribe besides Alex we have... Lexi and Ruben, which is BAAAAD for me since I clearly targeted Lexi and if they're together (which why wouldn't they be, ofc they'll be together) they could very well turn on me. Robin is probably with them, so if anything, she's my way out of being cut so soon on this tribe. Admittedly I haven't spoken much with Bernel, Julia, or Dom - I have played with Dom a long while ago but we talked like once in that game and I was gone right at the merge so I don't really know him too well. I'm going to try to hit everybody up today because I don't want to get too far behind socially. And then there's Jaiden. Just like me, he's waiting for death, so that's swell. I've been told he's a huge villain but let's not judge a book by their cover just yet and wait to see what the hell he does out here.

Oh BOY did I miss a lot today. I woke up like two hours ago and have been doing chores since so go me! Anywho, I'm just going to do a quick assessment of people here since I've gotten a little time to know em:  - Dom is nice and all but dude apologizes for everything, even semi-good things lmao. A for effort?   - Julia's social game isn't all there, hell, it's weaker than mine. At least she's somewhat enthusiastic though. - Bernel's pretty cool, don't have much of a read on them. - I really haven't talked to Lexi in forever oop and Ruben seems decent, haven't spoken too much with him. - Robin is same ol, same ol.  - I can't say I have much of a read on Jaiden either at this point, all I know is that people say he ain't the nicest.  - Alex is great! I hope he and I can survive this tribe because I'd love to jam with 'im out here. I really gotta pick up my social game because I'm slacking especially since I missed most of an entire freaking day fuck me 

You can't bully me into making more confessionals! "I do what I want!" - Danny Gluck But yea I'm doing a shit ton for this challenge hopefully my efforts don't go unappreciated

So this is really terrifiying. So we swap, and boom, there goes my closest ally Sarah and she is on another tribe. I'm on a tribe with a majority of villians, but honestly this far Sarah has helped me a lot though this game. And last nigh I found out about a lot of shit. So I learned that Jaiden has very bad breakdowns, I learned Jordan Pines wants to be an ally of mine, I learned Sarah is truly being real and probably trusts me to the fullest extent by now, I learned that DOM HAS AN IDOL. yep. So I have THAT to deal with, while I try and search for a new idol board on the hero's tribe. So yeah, that's whats going on as of now. I'll be back with more deets.

Okay not trying to sound divaish ALREADY but... Alex seems kinda cocky to me, no idea why? Than we have Ruben and dom, and as far as I'm concerned they should be online right now and be super active bitch get it together

Okay I swear I already don't like Alex I'm trying to be nice to his bitch ass but he just has such a cocky persona like um I'm complimenting you, trying to be nice, and his vibe is so rude fuck that I hope he gets eliminated soon somehow

Ok I should have been nice but I feel like he hates me   

Ok I should have been nice but I feel like he hates me (11:04pm night of swap) I have no idea what has been going on the past few days because I've been sleeping haha, but I guess we did a tribe swap which is pretty neat!!

So we got some snake motherfuckers in this tribe. Kharab is not unified. So Nicole asks to be voted out, everyone is on board but what happens Jaiden tries to flip the vote on me, but like no honey, not going to fly here. No one else votes for me and Nicole votes for Jaiden, so Nicole leaves 4-1-1. But like Jaiden, what are you doing honey, why are you purposefully throwing yourself under the bus, like okay Jaiden comes to me after his flop attempt to get me out and is like oh I asked to be voted out and I just threw my vote to you and I'm like not true, I call major bullshit on you. So as of now I don't trust Jaiden at all, he's a snake he can leave today for all I care. Fuck him, he's dead to me.

Whew, so we won immunity which is nice and now am safe for the round. I was going to make a long confessional at the swap about how I felt about my new tribe but like I got lazy so long story short I like kendall gavin sarah ashley (aka the returnees) lexi is cool but she gives me a weird vibe idk and Casey Liam and Whitney need to step it up. I hope Jaiden gets voted out tonight on the other tribe, that be nice.

I certainly love snakes. I take back everything I said positive about Sarah, Jordan Pines, and now Dom. I don't even know if I have said anything nice about Dom because I'm pretty sure that's when I was not fully trusting of him. I guess to just catch this up to speed, I got closer to Dom and he shared his idol clue with me. He told me so much about Jordan giving him tea in the game and it just makes things so much more evident to me that he's going to immediately hold things against me if I don't reciprocate the same amount of information. Telling Sarah about the idol clue AND THEN all of my alliances was deadly, because now I think she's gonna run around and expose all of that for the fun of it. She's a snake, I tell you, and she's gonna screw me if I don't screw her over first. I just realized I should stop talking game in general because the walls seem to have ears. I don't think I can trust the hosts with information either lmao since everything likes to just magically leak and fall into terrible people's laps. I'm done bitching, I'm done strategizing, and I think I'm done writing confessionals at this point. I have some fight left in me and I think I'm okay doing some damage going forward. 

I'm still here against my will send help

Buckle up... this one's a doozy... I'm writing this as I listen in on Sarah and Jordan with my appear.in strats. Actually, I'll brb

Jordan Pines I’m talking to ashley Sent on: 2:36 pm From: Jordan Pines she really likes you really? Sent on: 2:39 pm i really really like her, but i feel like i may have hurt our bond From: Jordan Pines how so? Sent on: 2:39 pm From: Jordan Pines cause she said this to me From: Jordan Pines when i was talking about a returnee alliance From: Jordan Pines [2017-02-11, 2:20:23 PM] Ashley Hudson: I love Gavin [2017-02-11, 2:20:29 PM] Jordan Pines: i don’t know him that well [2017-02-11, 2:20:32 PM] Jordan Pines: like we played hvv2 together [2017-02-11, 2:20:36 PM] Jordan Pines: but never were on the same tribe [2017-02-11, 2:20:40 PM] Ashley Hudson: Like legit he is my fave right now, he is hella loyal Ayyyye Sent on: 2:40 pm That makes me feel better then *Pats self on back*

What happened on the Karen vote: - I got Karen out of the game with some help - I got Alex to trust Kendall less - I got Kendall to trust Alex less - I got Ashley to trust me more - I got Alex to trust me more - I got Kendall to trust Alex and Ashley less All because Alex and I thought Karen wouldn't want us around long-term :) At this point in the game, we have now swapped and I feel like I am in good-standing on my new tribe right now. Pines and I talk all the time, with him having allowed me to listen in on his call with Sarah while sharing with me that he found the idol. Ashley trusts me even more than before, while I have begun to form a bond with Liam. Honestly, I see things going well on this tribe, and I am ensuring to continue to talk to my #1, Mr. Alex, who got separated from the rest of us returnee heroes during the swap :( Here's to the merge... that will hopefully be rather soon! Also... ha ha lol @everyone who picked Karen over me in their drafts *eyes emoji* This is why you don't add people last to a pre-existing alliance and then echo the exact words of an ally when responding to my messages :~)

This Tribal could not have gone better. Gavin and I were great and it seemed like we flipped for a different reason than we did. I feel bad about the aftermath; Kendall seemed really upset and I hope we can mend that bond for later. The swap however, could not have gone worse. I am the ONLY one in this entire game who doesn't have ANY of their original tribe members with them. So I've been scrambling to get a group together. Gavin on the other hand is great. The returning players on his tribe have an alliance together, so I really just need to get to the merge and be solid with him later. I'm on a tribe with the lovebirds too (Ruben and Alexis), so we'll see how things go with that; I know Ruben, along with Johnny Poteet, so maybe there's something I can do there. In the meantime, all I can do at this point is sit back, be nice, don't cause waves, and get to that merge.

I got the advantage from the reward. I scored 3 million on the damn thing; so if I didn't get it I'd be shocked. I'm playing a decently dominant game right now, it's pretty freaking amazing.

I love this challenge, it gets us creative. The problem with that is the tribemates I have do not want to talk. I can make us a video, I just need to get the videos made and decided, you know? It's extremely difficult to plan things out when people are not online.

Gavin told me that Dom has the idol, and that's frightening. Dom is definitely one of those guys who I really can't get a good read on and that's scary. I need to just befriend him at this point, what else can I do?

My reaction to Karen getting voted off: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SiylvmFI_8 What I told my tribe when we swapped: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbrbUfYSt0E What I actually meant: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrMmfKByyks My reaction to dealing with our useless tribemates when we were trying to make the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oo-oWc4uEPE Whoops sorry wrong link... I'll put the proper one here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FjWe31S_0g My reaction to our harsh judges: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYa1eI1hpDE My reaction to us winning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfYnvDL0Qcw And my plans for the future: I have nothing... so I put nothing. Wish me luck in the game! Because now I'm stuck with Jordan Pines. So in conclusion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GeCPanRHU0 God I love this series. Don't know why Count Olaf is the one telling us to look away, considering that he is such a sadistic bastard.

Whoops I put the wrong Chemical Romance song for, what I meant: Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORsFFjt1x6Q

Alright, so this new tribe is okay, I still have Gavin but lost Alex, but I have always trusted Gavin more so I mean that is a good thing. I now have Jordan Pines on my tribe, last time we worked together it was kind of forced by outside parties so I am hoping for this game we can actually work together by our own choice, and see how that goes. I know Casey irl, but she never talks on Skype, I don't really think she actually plays and is only here cuz Darian told her to. I mean that is okay, but how the fuck did she get this far. Kendall and I are still on rocky ground I think. I am kind of over her trying to get me out but se doesn't believe me for some reason? Like idk, she reads too much into things, I sent her smiley faces and she thought I was being passive aggressive.... which actually is usually the case but still. Lexi G..... Who? Liam.... Who? Sarah... playing another game with her rn, haven't really talked to her though so idk where that will go. Whitney... Who? From Maine... yet I don't know her... so.... Who?

The tribe's been so understanding and sweet about my situation. I feel like I can trust all the villains right now. I'll try to talk to Whitney and Liam. Maybe the newbies will try to work with each other. I still don't feel exactly safe on my tribe but I think if I play my cards right it won't be too difficult to secure my place in a solid alliance.

I am so happy we got a tribe swap. What's best is that Lexi and I are still together and now we have her boyfriend as well. It makes them look like big threats and the tribe could potentially want to vote one of them out sooner rather than later but I am completely loyal to them. It may look like I'm playing for third place but Lexi and Ruben seem like good people so I don't think they would just take advantage of me. It's a tribe of 9 so we only need two more people with us to have majority. Ruben mentioned working with Dom and Jaiden. I talked to both a little last night so I'm hopeful that we can get something solid together with them. Also, Lexi, Ruben, and I are looking for the idol together so even if we don't get someone else to work with us we have that to fall back on. These past few days have been great to Lexi and I. We went from being sitting ducks to finding new hope. Making it to the end together just seems more possible as the days go on.  

I've been inactive lately because I've been studying for midterms. I feel bad for not contributing anything to the challenge. We were close to winning so if more of us had participated we probably would've won. It sucks that I was busy this weekend and I hope this doesn't make me a target. Thankfully not many people did much for the challenge so I feel like I still have a chance. The biggest targets right now would probably be lexi and Ruben because of their relationship. They're my closest allies so I have to work hard to keep them safe. I've been going around talking to people. I'm trying to be strategic and approach everyone by linking an interest they have to lexi or Ruben so they won't vote for them. For example, with Julia, I brought up the fact that there's few girls left so we shouldn't vote for lexi and she agreed. Lexi Ruben and I are definitely voting together so we only need two more people. As long as we get them and no idol is played we should be good.

So my tribe lost and I kind of saw it coming. I mean half our tribe didn't even make a video for it lol. I only did because alex asked. I know people will probably want me or ruben out tonight since were a couple. I mean if I get voted out, it's whatever. ever since tribe swap I haven't really been paying attention because ive been busy. So I wont be blindsided lol. Hopefully myself,ruben,jaiden,robin and dom should be voting together and will have majority. But they haven't really said anything and I'm not gonna freak out about it. I'd rather vote johnny out just because I'm bitter towards him but I don't care whose name we write down honestly.