#because it never highlights goodness without being followed by messiness and criticism.

[alatismeni-theitsa]

(1/2) I know this is some controversial topic and that you sometimes cover US politics, but what do you think the american left needs to improve to reach to more people and be taken more seriously?; It's unbelievable that in the very 2021, apolitical folk are still fallin into the whole "the leftist are a bunch of crazies" narrative, we may do some pushback the last three years against conservative politics.

(2/2)  But it's still not enough; on your personal opinion, what fundamental core value needs to be changed to engage to these apolitical people and that leftist want politics to improve the quality of life of the population without being labeled as a "petulant, whiney children" There's some greek-flavored advice that we can apply to our discourse? Thanks in advance :)

========================== END OF ASK ======================

Ooooo… Great question! And by “great” I mean “Do you want me to go down in flames and get cut a thousand times with pitchforks??” xD But it’s very interesting so I will answer it! And you will be subjected to an essay of 3.200 words 😘💅 (I want to be meticulous, don’t come at me)

Please assume the tone is light and conversational. I am not in a very serious or dramatic mood, and I don’t want to estrange any group by assuming the role of an all knowing tutor or someone who always has the high moral ground. This is just 1am blabbering.

I am not against leftists. On the contrary, I know their side so well that I think I have a solid opinion on its flaws. (I have friends who are left- okay I’ll stop xD) Needless to say, the right side also has flaws and the two sides often share flaws. But right now, we are only talking about the leftists. And of course, #notallleftists xD I recognize that leftists are ordinary and diverse people with empathy and capability of critical thinking and problem-solving (Did I mention I have friends who ar--) Jokes aside, I think my following is quite left leaning and I am not bashing them here. I am criticizing the movement as a whole and trying to see where it can be improved.

***** Anyways, I will generalize the bad traits for the sake of everyone’s time, it’s what I am saying! So, when I say “they” I will probably mean “some” or “the bad apples” etc.  *****

To begin, US leftists don’t want to, but they are accidentally imperialist xD Unfortunately, they don't know much about other countries, and they don’t usually have knowledge of countries they are talking about if they don’t have an immediate connection to them. Not knowing things is fine, but when people on this site are like “ugh Americans” this points to an ignorance and a sort of entitlement that doesn’t occur this often in other countries. My internet cycle is overwhelmingly leftist and yet I continue seeing willingness for ignorance all around - and when I check it’s not by conservatives.

Leftists think their (social and not) politics apply to every country and culture, that people in different countries classify themselves as they do in the US. And when people from those countries talk about their problems, there is always an American that wants to give input based on American politics, and without knowing the situation in this other country they want to talk about. Ironically, the last one is a behavior of conservative politicians. Conservative politicians and citizens sometimes think it’s fine to intervene in other countries for “the greater good”. Well, leftists do the same but on the internet. It stalls conversation and makes it messy and force foreigners to apply to American standards.

Because leftists don't understand social differences between countries, they project their own politics, and that can make them seem obsessed with skin color and blind to cultural diversity. They act like only Americans or certain countries have every lived through colonialism and suffered slaughter and slavery. (Because they don’t feel the need to study and learn further.) To an American that might not be the case, but when Americans converse with foreigners about foreign issues, they seem to have a blind spot.

They act as if only white, cis, straight people can be perpetrators of imperialism. Booyyy I have news xD Yes, of course white, cis, straight people can be perpetrators of imperialism, but the attitude that they are the first to blame, always, it’s faulted. I have many experiences, but let’s start with a very simple one, of an Indian American young woman who thought only a lota can clean you with water in the toilet, and that Europeans haven’t heard of bidets or any other means of cleanliness (or that they have the bathtub RIGHT THERE xD) One of the highlights was a Black woman insisting “Medusa was Black because my grandma told me” despite what Greeks were telling her.

Another thing that stuck with me was the case of a Greek who wanted to write about the people who happen to be a minority in the US (you would call them poc I guess). Many people from those countries were enthusiastic about the project and aided the writer as much as they could, sharing culture and realizing how many things in common they had. But it was from same populations in the US that the writer found people who blamed them for daring to write something outside of their culture. (To explain, most US Americans were fine, but only in the US were some who were hostile). Or, I have seen Chinese Americans being offended by a certain thing (I think it was something about fashion) saying “this is an offense to Chinese culture” meanwhile Chinese people from everywhere else in the world (99% of Chinese, I’d say) said “I don’t understand… this is fine!”

Many US American poc categorize all light skinned Caucasians of the world as White Americans and the rest are the “cultured” Black or Brown people. US Americans are now learning that Slavic cultures exist and it’s… something else to watch leftists realizing light skinned people can have great embroidery and they are not actually stealing Mexican traditional clothing xD (reference to an obscure “calling out” comment on tik tok).

I don’t specifically target US poc here, I am just mentioning that everyone conveniently forgets them as if they are untouchable and never said anything ignorant, while they are as active on social media causes as other Americans. In fact, if most poc are aligned to a side, that would be the Left. They are a very big part of the progressive movement – and that’s why I am giving so much space here for them – but then it seems they can’t have a share of the “bad” things of the leftist movement, only the good. Which is humanly impossible, to be always correct.

That’s one of the problems of leftism, that in a way pardons certain minorities and by doing that it not only lets the problematic bubbles grow but also infantilizes those minorities because it passes the message that “they can never do anything wrong”. While background matters when having an opinion, I see that skin-color goes ridiculously above opinion on these matters, which is not very egalitarian. When I argue with a person, the last thing I see is the person’s skin color. When someone says “ancient Greeks were actually a Black nation ad then they became White” I don’t care how this person looks like. No matter your skin color, you must take responsibility for the misinformation you are spreading. I won’t assume that because someone is a poc that they can’t study and learn more about the matter of discussion.

So… the “issue” doesn’t come from being white, cis, straight etc but from being raised as a US American. I don’t imply by any means that being a US American is bad. The last thing I want to do here is enforce guilt. (If you are feeling guilty already I must be mistaken in my wording so I am sorry for that). I am talking about certain beliefs that come with raised as a US American. Similarly, many beliefs a Greek can have are because of their environment. Everyone is affected by their background in one way or another. 

American leftists believe that even the piss poor British farmers benefited from colonialism – and still benefit perhaps on a systemic scale. So, with the same logic, even the lowest layers of the US American society benefit from imperialism and war crimes overseas. (Truth is the quality of living in the US is great and extremely progressive compared to most of the world, because of the US’ politics. I had analyzed this in a previous post). But American leftists never mention that when it comes to THEIR case, because it doesn’t give them an advantage.

To tie it up with how American leftists see the world, there is youtuber I like, who is a US American woc and one time she said “My country is bombing Brown people” in an annoyed tone and it just sounded so offensive I closed the video. It’s obvious the youtuber doesn’t support the bombing, but it was just the phrasing which left a bitter taste in my mouth the whole day. It was the fact that 1) she could make a statement in an annoyed/joking tone 2) people in those countries don’t identify as “Brown” outside the US (and you are talking about them now) 3) your country is indeed bombing them so maybe at least categorize them as they wish?? They have a certain ethnicity, so mention that and stop categorizing them like dog breeds! They already have the bombs, do you want them to hear Americans categorize them like that?

Moreover, many US leftists think they care about other countries while, in actuality, they don’t. They just want to make other countries have the exact progressive US politics - because that’s the only “correct” political system they know. That shows even in kind of superficial matters. In a movie about Greek mythology, they will make sure there is an American Arab, an American Black person, an American East Asian person etc (which would be a cast that would reflect American diversity, not Mediterranean) and are hesitant to cast Greeks or ask Greeks how the portrayal of the story and figures could be better and respecting.

Another thing, they take everything too personally. They think success and failure of a movement is highly dependent on them as an individual. It’s difficult for them to approach a harsh past or present situation in a levelheaded manner because they don’t realize this situation has been universal. So, they feel a special kind of guilt and that makes them over apologetic but also overzealous (like a righteous self-flogging zealot) and that is what drives people away. They combine that behavior with ignorance about the rest of the world, and you can see why a non-US American might want to keep their distance.

I had some Americans apologizing to me because their ancestors did something to Greeks and just… don’t. I know you have the best intentions, but it makes everyone – even me – feel bad. There is no need for apologizing because 1) you and your family did nothing wrong 2) it was centuries ago 3) this bad shit happens/happened literally everywhere. You might as well apologize for your people knowing how to cook. It’s FINE, really, it’s FINE. For instance, do you think I have a grudge on YOUR people running a slave trade six centuries ago while there was dozen active slavetrades in the area, and while Greeks of the Byzantine empire probably bought slaves some decades before they were sold to slavery themselves? Do you see what a mess this is? Not only it doesn’t fix anything, but you also put unnecessary weight on yourself, as an individual. It’s fine to be aware and trying to fix past mistakes - if it’s possible - but there is a certain delicate process that must be followed. Not… whatever this is.

To continue on the extreme individualism, leftists think it's the end of the world if they have done or said something controversial (and that's also because they have cultivated a culture where any small transgression is a potential danger to the whole society :p aka "the left eats itself"). Around them people feel they must tread on eggshells just in case they phrase a thing wrong or post something that could be linked to a person the Left doesn't like.

The left is also on the extremes, so I have to put 1000 disclaimers every time I say something. (I guarantee that the example with the Chinese people will be translated by some Americans like “Theitsa promotes Asian hate!!”) Do you know who doesn't annoy me if I don't put 1000 disclaimers? Certainly not Conservatives. I had more harassment from leftists than I had from actual nazis, even though my blog is not conservative or (god forbid!!) supportive of nazism or any type of supremacy. Even nazis completely understand my beliefs before they send hate. (It might be odd but I never had one not understanding my point xD) But the leftists who sent hate misinterpret stuff, or they don’t bother reading actual posts. The funny thing is that I usually agree with these progressives in 99% of issues but they don’t care asking or learning, they just decide our morals are opposite. I mean they don’t have to like me, but many leftists don’t even read the basics.

On top of that, leftists rarely want to have a conversation with a conservative. I don't say go and AGREE with a conservative, I say just talk. (see? I feel the need to clarify here because many leftists might say “Theitsa wants us to go and AGREE with conservatives! Does Theitsa want us to become nazis and homophobes???”) How does one feel they have to be sooo righteous and then cauterize every member of society who disagrees with them? Why do leftists rarely want to have a conversation? Some people were ready to attack me for referencing a meme which referenced Steven Crowder, as if that shows I am his supporter 😩 (Guilty by association is strong on the leftist side and it’s very reminiscent of authoritarian tactics, another thing that needs to be improved, to my opinion.)

I don’t support Crowder (I know Crowder has done awful stuff) but I shouldn’t be scared to admit I like the “change my mind” episodes. (Flash news, leftists, you might like a part from a person’s work and not 100% support that person!) I like the episodes because both sides are heard, the conversation is civil (for the most part xD) and I can see the thought process of the two speakers as they explain their worries and what solutions are out there.

Most of all, in those episodes I see how BOTH sides CARE about the SAME problems, it’s just the perspectives that differ. And those conversations highlight the issues the left hasn’t studied very well, so it helps the leftists understand what they need to learn in order to better society. But where the “immaturity“ of the leftist side can show is in the unwillingness to approach the “opponent“ as a human just like them.

(They might instead prefer to call Mexicans white supremacists and claim that “whiteness” has no color because quite a few poc voted Republican, as some leftist news sources have stated)

What is more, is it just my idea or conservatives understand leftists better than leftists understand conservatives? Of course both sides jokes about the other one but I am talking about the serious talks. Leftists just describe conservatives as horrible people who want all minorities to perish and we must not talk to them while, surprisingly, the conservatives are the ones who stereotype less the opposite side. (I am talking about the normal, moderate people). From what I have seen, most simple people who are conservatives DON’T want the US’ ethnic and sexual minorities to perish. They are worried about problems they don’t have a good understanding about. And the only way to make them understand it’s to… talk to them, show them what good the left to offer.

Some leftists think conversation is “emotional labor” but 1) that applies to actual labor as in… jobs, so stop invalidating doctors, nurses, teachers etc, 2) yeah, sorry, sometimes things get difficult and you have to explain your side. (As non US-Americans endlessly have to do for US-Americans). That was, is and will be life until the sun swallows us all. You can’t be THAT militant on social media with 100 posts per day and remembering 50 different campaigns about social issues but the moment someone genuinely asks you for directions on your side you shut them off with “why do you demand labor from me? Do your own research” (hint: most likely they have done their research, but they are stuck, and you don’t help them like this).

If you are very tired and don’t want to explain (as it is your right) you can be polite about it and not blame the individual about their circumstances when they are trying to learn. If you DO want to explain but you get tired, be more organized. Have posts and F.A.Q.s ready, or send them to someone else (a friend, a blog, a youtube channel, an article, whatever). Instead of leftists arguing their positions, sometimes they are like “Do more research and realize I am right.” Yyyeah the other person is not gonna do that – especially because you haven’t pointed them anywhere or supported your position with arguments. Moreover, leftists can have the attitude of “I stand for PROGRESS, how can I ever be wrong??” Weeell things are not black and white and me, you, everyone has the potential to not have a not that beneficial to society position at some issues no matter where we stand on the political compass.

For the “petty whiny children” thing, I believe a lot of people might think that because the youth is usually making noise about progressive issues on social media. It’s true that oftentimes in social media discussions their emotions get the best of them (it’s happened to everyone) but combined with the lack of life experience they may have about the world, the argument sounds silly. (I heard one leftist university student say that the US shouldn’t have borders because borders are bad but then they realized they don’t want people to come and go as they please in the US, so she said there should be SNIPERS in the borders to shot everyone who tries to get in…….)

And, as I mentioned, the leftists are very quick to cancel and attack for the slightest transgression so people prefer to deal with the conservatives who can, at least, take a slight misstep, than meddling with people who are going to cancel them for doing or not doing a small, insignificant, but not ‘woke enough’ thing. Leftists are constantly checking each other to see if they are doing better and better (even in silly issues) and that can be intimidating to someone who is new to politics.

Some leftists get REALLY turned on by righteousness (Frollo villain style) and instead of trying to unite the society, they aim to divide it further. They don’t want to create bridges but burn them and find themselves on the “right side“ of morals.

And, last but not least, they don’t realize leftist propaganda is a thing. Malicious people are EVERYWHERE and they don’t just magically avoid the left. Leftists are not automatically super virtuous people. There are some manipulators and bullies around, so one has to be cautious even with leftist sources. (Cross-examine stuff, always. You might have the best intentions but accidentally share something nonfactual because you trusted a source).

Ok that was all, I think. To anyone who comments, PLEASE keep the tones down, have a conversation, take it slow, remember it doesn’t help us being hateful towards each other. (And causing serious friction wasn’t the purpose of this post). Oh, and if you need a clarification on something I said, before gossiping with your friends about how awful I am, do me the courtesy of first asking me what I meant xD

[funjoushi]

Miki/Souma is a perfect ship don’t @ me

This ship has taken me on one of those journeys that feels like it has just lashed me against the rocks and left me stranded. So bet prepared for a little bit of some slightly messy but extremely passionate meta.

I started out with “haha, Hakuouki keeps making rival pairs with blistering sexual tension” to “maybe this could be a tasty fucked up ship” to “oh no they are husbands” which is always a wild ride to go on let me tell you.

In general I tend to only get attached to an mlm ship once every ten thousand years. From my observations these ships tend to have a lot of intertwined personal history and themes of loyalty/sacrifice/self-loathing and idealism

However souma/Miki has some particular aspects that really stick out to me

As mentioned before, Hakuouki has a habit of setting up rival and antagonist relationships with a lot of sexual tension wether intended or not. The most notable being Shiranui/Harada and Kazama/Hijikata.

Kazama/Hijikata is only nominally similar as it is much more of genuine enmity but I do believe that the ultimate source of that rivalry is in personal weakness and seeing that weakness reflected in the other. Hijikata whole struggles with the loss of his humanity, and Kazama who rejects humanity altogether.

Shiranui/Harada is one much closer to Miki/Souma in that they are two very similarly motivated men who just happen to be on opposing sides. Shiranui and Harada are both motivated by loyalty to their friends and by love(you cannot convince me that Shiranui wasn’t in love with Takasugi).

Miki being Souma’s rival specifically never made sense to begin with and still doesn’t really, but as a result it leads to a much more fascinating dynamic. They aren’t sworn to kill one another nor obsessed with the other, but instead just two guys caught up in their own stories and cause them to clash.

The fact that they are not directly antagonistic to one another is something that is key to their potential dynamic. Yes, they started out at odds due to the factional divides, and Miki did accost Chizuru which earned Souma’s dislike, but on a personal level, it’s never more than a surface level dislike. Miki thinks Souma to be foolish and wasting his potential while Souma thinks Miki to be nothing but a brute.

However, in reality, they are far more similar than either of them first realise.

During most of their interactions, they appear to be pretty starkly contrasted. Souma is earnest, hardworking and incredibly humble. Meanwhile Miki is prideful, blunt, and distrustful.

However, if you recall...Souma was very different when he first met the Shinsengumi. When Souma was still employed by his domain, he was ashamed of his clan’s neutrality and disgusted of the general state of the country and of the bushi class. He at first views the Shinsengumi as nothing but violent wolves, but eventually comes to learn and understand them and want to be counted among them.

Which is to say that Souma in himself has some similar idealistic, judgemental and spiteful tendencies that Miki ends up displaying during his time in the Shinsengumi. Miki overall appears to view the Shinsengumi as similarly foolish and misguided

This viewpoint of Souma’s I view to be not all too different than how Miki views things, he simply has a different set of base values and puts a lot more value on birth station while Souma values action and conduct. At their core, both are unshakeably loyal which eventually leads to their actual clash.

Another major factor in my like for this ship came in one of the ginsei no shou episodes.

In a scene directly after Souma, Chizuru and Nomura escape Edo after Kondou’s execution, Souma reflects on how he now feels that he can understand how Miki feels. Looking back on how Miki became unhinged and obsessed with revenge after his brother was killed. Itou was like Miki’s sun, he states. Something that illuminated the path that he followed and made everything make sense. And Souma viewed Kondou in a similar way and in that moment feels blinding rage and a desire for vengeance towards those who killed Kondou. But then essentially Souma insinuates that the only thing keeping him from a path of bloodshed is his remaining friends. And so in that way he does not at all blame Miki for his revenge quest.

This section directly highlights how Miki and Souma mirror one another and hold within them very deep similarities.

Souma’s main character flaw is that he is deeply self-critical and has basically no self-esteem. He constantly pushes himself too far out of a desire to improve himself but without support that will only lead to ruin.

We can extrapolate some similar points from Miki, based on how over the course of Souma’s route he becomes increasingly more suicidal as his quest for revenge sends him to deeper and deeper depths, which culminates in him trying to die upon Souma’s sword in the final chapter.

However, Souma notices this. Souma could have easily chosen to just end it all there, but again. Souma has no particular grudge against Miki. And in truth, he pities and identifies with Miki. 

It really just gets me, man. Like, I know that it’s because Miki survives historically, but despite that, they managed to make it so completely and utterly in character. It absolutely makes sense that Souma would show mercy. But what is truly beautiful to me is that said mercy is not out of any sort of pride or high morals, but out of pure and simple empathy.

Just about all of Miki’s former fellow Goryoueiji members are dead, his beloved older brother is dead. And on top of that he is estranged from both his birth family and adoptive family(historical detail not brought up in the game but it SHOULD BE). And while Souma has lost a lot, he still at the very least has Chizuru, and Souma’s humility also compels him not to take that for granted and reach out a hand to someone who wasn’t so lucky.

And considering that they do both survive, and as Souma says they “do not know what the future has in store” :) who knows! Maybe their paths may cross again.

Yes, I fully understand that the fact that Miki did try to kill Souma and Chizuru at one point might be a turn off to some people, which is fine. But also Chizuru was about to be killed by the Shinsengumi upon first meeting them. That’s just kinda how it goes in the world of samurai! And because the grudges aren’t specifc, that’s why I can still find them so compelling. Also I do find it so fascinating that Souma’s kyoto winds bad ending only occurs if Chizuru lets him kill Miki. Hmm! Funny that!

Anyway, in conclusion. This ship is good and no, I will not shut up about them. Thank you for reading and pls ready my fic--

[cavehags]

i realize this will probably bring up old drama so you might not want to answer it. but do you ever regret, however on purpose or on accident, bringing all that unnecesary hate towards Katara? i'm really sad and dissapointed tbh. i'm a woman of color and katara was so important to me growing up. my favorite animated woman ever. and then this resurgence comes and theres so, so much unnecesary hatred for her and everyone ignoring everything that makes her a good character.

(2/3) 2- and you know, i expected this from the male side of the fandom. they were misogynistic to her and the others even back then so i would expect it to be even worse with how internet culture is more mysogistic now that ever. and i wasnt wrong. male atla fans had some truly horrible takes and views that just came across as racism and misogyny. but, i expected these circles to be better. to be a safe space for us woc who love this character. but i found the same weird hatred for her.

(3/3) 3-i just, i cant believe i feel less welcome now that i did even back then. and back then i didnt even paricipate really. but at least i could enjoy fandom content without stumbling into misogyny and racism every other post. also sorry for sending this to your personal blog b i just wanted to let you know you controbuted to that too even if it wasnt your intention. at least you realized that and arent contributing to it anymore right? cause honestly the hate has only gotten worse not less.

hey anon. thanks for asking this question, because i hadn’t addressed this topic previously and this gave me an opportunity to do so. 

no, i don’t regret publicly interpreting a character whom i love through a nuanced and human lens. and i don’t regret combating the one-dimensional interpretation of this character, which posits that she’s merely an vaguely defined object of attraction for some boy or another, and a singularly gentle, mature, maternal figure whose sole purpose in life is to nurture others. those interpretations suck. they rob her of the humanity and complexity that make her character unique and they stem from misogynistic tropes that reduce women to the services they can provide to men. the thing in the world that matters most to me is fighting misogyny, and this trend to diminish a proud and powerful and angry teenage girl by exaggerating only her most socially acceptable traits is misogyny. 

unlike you, i did not grow up watching avatar: the last airbender. the shows i watched growing up did not have a lot of girls who felt real to me. the girls i saw on tv growing up were simple. they were the main characters’ crushes. they were simple, desirable, usually sweet and loving, and not much else. if they had a flaw, it was that they were, at best, “awkward.” whatever that means. or if they were the protagonists, which was rare, they were nice enough and tried to do the right thing, but they never had strong feelings like resentment and anger. they weren’t allowed to be unfeminine which meant they weren’t allowed to be bitter, angry or in any way flawed. they didn’t look like the version of girlhood i knew to be true for me personally, which included a lot of anger and frustration and powerlessness. 

that crappy representation left me with internalized misogyny that chased me for longer than i’d like to admit. i did not learn to think of girls as humans who could be as interesting and flawed and messy as the boys were. i did not value myself as a girl, and later a woman, because i thought the best thing a girl could be was... bland. boring. pretty, but empty. passionless.

it would have meant the world to me to see a character like katara. 

because katara is angry. she has every right to be: she’s had so much stolen from her, including her mother, her people, and her childhood. katara has a short fuse. she yells. she snaps. she fucks up. sometimes she makes mean jokes! i never saw a single one of those dreamily perfect cartoon love interests make mean jokes when i was a kid. she is extremely idealistic--it’s her defining character trait--but we see the bad side of that as well as the good. we see that her need to help others  leads her to act rashly, to get herself into danger, to put others in danger too. 

and she has her very own arc. it’s not about her love for another person, either (what a snooze of a storyline); it’s about growing up and learning to break down some of that stubborn black-and-white thinking that we all indulge in as children. it’s a true coming-of-age arc and it belongs to a fourteen-year-old girl. 

when i, to use a phrase i find crass, “entered the fandom,” i quickly realized that other fans’ perceptions of katara did not line up with the things i valued most about her. other fans seemed to valorize her most socially acceptable feminine qualities: her generosity, her kindness, her dedication to helping others. and of course i love those parts of her--i love everything about her--but what is really remarkable about avatar: the last airbender is that katara’s many important virtues are also counterbalanced by equally significant flaws. a good character has flaws. katara is a good character, and a deviation from the characters who made up my formative media landscape, because she has flaws. her temper, her idealism, her stubbornness--these are flaws. flaws make her seem real and human and challenge the mainstream sentiment that girls are not real or human.

it simply did not occur to me that celebrating these aspects of katara that make her a realistic and well-written teenage girl would spark ire from other adult fans. it absolutely did not occur to me that i would then be blamed for somehow causing misogynistic interpretations of this character, particularly given that misogynistic interpretations of this character are the very thing i sought to correct when i began to blog about this television show.

i’m told there are “fans” on instagram and tiktok who think katara is whiny, annoying, and overly preoccupied with her trauma. i do not use instagram or tiktok, so i wouldn’t know, but i’ll take your word for it. respectfully, however, they didn’t get that from me. misogynistic takes on katara have existed since before i came along. i have never, ever called katara whiny. and seeing as i have been treating my own PTSD in therapy for nine years, you can safely conclude that i don’t think anyone, katara included, is overly preoccupied with their trauma. that’s not a thing. do i think she’s annoying? of course not! as a character, she’s a delight. does she sometimes find real joy in aggravating her brother and her friends? yes, because she’s 14. i, an adult, am not annoyed by her. sokka and toph often are, because that is katara’s goal and katara always succeeds in her goals. she’s not “annoying.” 

if there are “fans” who are indeed following lesbians4sokka and somehow misreading every single post and interpreting them to mean that we hate katara and they should too, i don’t really know what you want me to do about that. l4s has over ten thousand followers and we have already posted so many essays disavowing katara hate. our feminist and antiracist objectives in running the blog are literally pinned with the headline “please read.”

furthermore, you cannot reasonably expect my co-blogger and me to control the way our words will be received. we should not have to, and are not going to, add a disclaimer to every post saying that when we critique or make jokes about a teenage girl we are doing so through a feminist lens. our url is lesbians4sokka, and we are clearly women. if that alone doesn’t make it obvious, then refer back to that pinned post. 

it is indescribably frustrating, and really goddamn depressing as well, that people are so comfortable with the misogynistic binary of Perfect Good Women and Flawed Wicked Bitches that they perceive any discussion of a woman’s flaws to be necessarily relegating her to the latter camp. if that is how you (a generic you) perceive women, then i’m sorry, but you’ve internalized sexism that i cannot cure you of. and it’s unjust to expect my friend and me to write for the lowest common denominator of readers who have not yet had their own feminist awakenings. we do not write picture books for babies. we write for ourselves, and with the expectation that our readers can think critically. reading media through a feminist lens is my primary interest; i have no intention of excising that angle from my writing.

as i go through my life, i am going to embrace the flaws of girls and women because not enough people do. as long as the dominant narratives surrounding women are “good and perfect” and “unlovable wh*re,” you’ll find me highlighting flawed, realistic, righteously angry women in the margins. and for what it’s worth, it’s not just katara. i champion depictions of angry girls in all sorts of media. that’s sort of my whole thing. my favorite movies are part of the angry girl cinematic universe: thoroughbreds, jennifer’s body, hard candy, jojo rabbit, et cetera. on tv, in addition to katara, you’ll find me celebrating tuca and bertie, poppy from mythic quest, tulip and lake from infinity train, korra, and more. i adore all these women and see myself in them. i hope you find this suitably persuasive to establish that i have sufficient Feminist Cred, according to your standards, to observe and write about these very flawed and human fictional women. 

what i’m saying is this: i decline to take responsibility for the misogynistic discourse orbiting a children’s cartoon. as someone who writes about that series from a perspective that seeks to add humanity and nuance to the reductive, one-dimensional, overwhelmingly sexist writing that already exists, i am pretty taken aback that i am the one being blamed for the very problem i sought to address. except not that taken aback because i am a woman online, haha! and this is always how it goes for us. 

finally, i think it sucks that you’ve chosen to blame me for a problem that begins and ends with the patriarchy. i can’t control the way this response will be perceived, just like how i can’t control the way anything will be perceived because i am just one human woman, but i do hope you choose to be reflective, and consider why you’ve chosen this avenue to assign blame. 

[maevelin]

what is your opinion on how the IC treated nesta in general, but more specifically acofas?

Oh boy...you just had to go there lol

Negative rant ahead. So you’ve been warned.

Truth is I’ve tried so hard to get what happened in acofas out of my mind  and view certain things I used to like even out of context so to be able to still enjoy them but it didn’t work. If anything getting some emotional distance from this universe dampened my excitement for any future project from this franchise and writer. Granted I never considered SJM to be a good writer but at least she was able to work through some interesting characters and dynamics. Acofas negated that too.

And honestly I am so done with the whole thing and it even left me with a bitter aftertaste when it comes to Nessian in particular because the foundations set in that book (if one can call it that) are really something I detest. The insight we got into Cassian’s mind made me so angry and I noped out completely.

As for how the IC in general treated Nesta?

I had some time to think about that and I think the problem is that the previous books and ACOFAS more so have set up an environment where Feyre and the Inner Circle are the moral axis of the universe we are in. If they are objectively right or wrong does not matter because they are right no matter what. It is very unsettling for me to have to get into a book that exists on that foundation. 

At the beginning the characters in question, Feyre, Rhysand and so on were treading more realistic lines between right and wrong. Some of those lines were blurred. They were morally grey characters too given what the situation demanded from them and that was the allure of their dynamic as characters and as relationships but as we got more books with them they became more and more bland and their perspective was limited to the trope of the perfect shiny hero and they became dogmatic when it came to that. They knew what was the best for everyone. They could do no wrong even when they did. There were no repercussions to their mistakes. They are not to be called out for their behavior because their behavior is always correct (even when it is not and not just concerning Nesta but on many fronts).

We are at a point where their moral code is by default what creates what is right and wrong and the narrative acknowledges that directly and indirectly. So the readers are meant to accept that what Feyre does is morally right and doesn’t get to criticize her actions and the actions of the Inner Circle that many times can be morally ambiguous -at best- but are not acknowledged as such.

I would appreciate it much more if the author allowed the characters (all characters, Nesta included because I am not here to pretend that Nesta is not a hot mess of an abusive asshole too) to be subjected more to objective criticism without the narrative pandering to their moral high ground. 

Thing is that situations where you have to face someone’s trauma can be difficult, messy, ugly even. There is no perfect recipe. It doesn’t mean that your way or helping is always right just because you love your family or your loved one. It doesn’t mean that because you have had your own trauma you know how to deal with someone else’s. You can do more damage many times or you can’t reach someone that is struggling and when someone is in pain many times can’t open up or accept their problem or any help regarding their issues and this can create a very dysfunctional situation from all sides concerned. Toxic even. 

But here from the start the reader is to accept a fundamental truth. Feyre and the Inner Circle are right and they know what they are doing. Their motives, their actions, their responses are pristine and they are on a pedestal so where does that leave Nesta or even a reader that doesn’t accept that reality because their critical thinking gets in the way? 

And where does a character that is not as ‘perfect’ stand? Nowhere. It distorts the picture. Because until that character gets in line with that perfection they can’t be part of it. It gets ostracized even if is in simple things as not being drawn inside a painting.

And what I find even more problematic (especially in the end of ACOFAS) is that this feels very much like a parallel of how Tamlin treated Feyre but most readers ignore that because the former books established that Feyre and the IC are the established moral stance one should admire and anyone opposing that is on the wrong. In reality the moment the writer stopped viewing certain characters under an amoral light and forced them to be the ‘good heroes’ instead of the amoral characters that should have been everything became distorted. The parallels between those characters that are deemed to be doing things wrong and those that are supposedly doing things right are blatantly obvious and the only reason as to why the good guys have the holier than thou attitude and are on the right its because the writer “says so” and that’s not something I can abide with if I use critical thinking. 

Yes these books are not meant to be taken seriously and are light entertainment at best but I feel there are limits to that especially since given the direction the author choose to take the characters towards does not personally entertain me anymore.

I am not in favor of taking an unapologetic character and making them less than what they are only to fit them into a romance and way to work into a faux morality code.

Feyre wants to protect Nesta. She is for an intervention. Tamlin acted the same. In the same way Feyre gets to decide how Elain should give Lucien a chance or how Lucien’s attachment with Jurian and Vassa is silly or how Nesta should heal Tamlin also decided how Feyre should work through her trauma, how she should not use her powers, how she should exist in his court because...he knew better, because he loved her, because he wanted to protect her. And he did love her and he did want to protect her and he had his reasons and all that didn’t make him any less abusive. Tamlin was basically ordering or manipulating Feyre into acting in the way he believed was best for her and their life together. Does that sound familiar or what? Including how Tamlin was providing everything financially for Feyre and her sisters too and that was also taken as a given. 

And I am not here to say that Feyre doesn’t love her sisters or doesn’t want the best for them. I am here to point out the hypocrisy when it comes to how one should defend another person’s free will and choice. The only reason Feyre was able to escape that suffocating environment was because Rhysand gave her a way out. No one is there to do that for Nesta. If anyone did that for her would she stay? Of course not.  Would she follow Cassian to the camp if she had other alternatives? Nope. Surely Nesta is at the lowest of lows and her behavior triggered such reactions because she surely did something bad for even Amren to be set against her that way in the end of ACOFAS but that doesn’t change how the power imbalance is shocking. How Elain had no say to what happens to Nesta because Feyre is in charge. But once more where Tamlin was wrong Feyre is right. Where Tamlin was abusive Feyre is not. Feyre’s trauma was not as destructive as Nesta’s so of course this excuses everything. Not to mention that Tamlin was going through his own trauma too. Not to mention that every despicable thing Tamlin did as a High Lord was no less despicable than what Rhysand did but we saw how the narrative in the end treated Tamlin even after the way he repented in ACOWAR. 

But Tamlin is the bad guy who treated Feyre badly so even if objectively he can be as terrible as the characters we are meant to support are and can be we are still not meant to judge him the same as we are meant to judge the ‘heroes’ because different standards are set. The same treatment goes for Nesta, Lucien and so on. And I am not here to defend Tamlin or every wrong thing Nesta or any other character did. But the scales here are not balanced at all so I feel that for certain characters their mistakes weigh more than those of others. It also depends if someone’s trauma is more ‘comfortably accepted’ than others. It is like you can be depressed and damaged and traumatized but only as long as it fits a certain aesthetic kind of thing and that is triggering me in ways I am not comfortable with.

And you can see the insidious writing too. Nesta’s PTSD is used against her. 

Characters like Feyre are getting praised for overcoming their trauma and for their heroism and get all those monikers of glory but Nesta for example and even Elain that beheaded the King and ended the war are left into obscurity. Nesta was ready to sacrifice herself to give Feyre a fighting chance and was there to shield Cassian and die along his side but you know okay sure. Feyre is the defender of the rainbow and I don’t know what else title she has these days but when other characters do similar fits of heroism they are sidelined and those acts are quickly forgotten as if they never happened. That is a narrative issue because it chooses to highlight certain moments and ignore others.

People know Nesta as ‘Cassian’s’ for crying out loud and escape her house in fear because of him. Cassian that somehow glorifies the mate bond and the age gap even to legitimate worries Rhysand poses because if he didn’t then all of the sudden he would have to acknowledge how problematic is his attitude towards Nesta and their general dynamic. But hey she looks hot despite her weight loss and what Rhysand and Feyre have, suicide pacts and whatnot, is so pure so why bother with being decent towards a girl that as he sees is traumatized, has been violated and is stuck in a world and species she does not want. He admitted that he had been through the same emotional trauma in his past and it took him time to heal but hey Nesta is a bitch for not conforming to the way he and the IC believe is best for her to act, behave and heal.

Is Nesta right all the time? Hell no. She is an abusive asshole. She spends money she has not worked for and earned. She is all messed up and does not know which way is up and lashes out towards every direction.

But in the same way Feyre did the same with Tamlin’s fortune and Rhysand’s but at least she was grateful and in a relationship with them so I guess it was okay?

And keep in mind that what Nesta is doing is deplorable (taking Rhysand’s money, having a past of not treating Feyre right, not wanting to be with Cassian etc) but when Elain is basically doing the same but Elain is ...Elain. So it is okay. She is not as troublesome I guess and can hide silently in the sidelines so the same mistakes have different gravity and consequences.  Again that’s how the narrative is set. It favors certain characters while condemns others because by default it accepts in its core how Feyre and the Inner Circle is the moral axis so the other characters are satellites around that orbit and if they diverge from that then they get crashed until they are taught to gravitate correctly.

I could keep going but I feel like this game is rigged from the start when it comes to Nesta and I am finding it pointless really. The fact that the narrative pushes her trauma in a certain direction so not only to develop Nesta as a character but also pander to certain characters and a certain mentality regarding certain characters. I don’t feel comfortable reading something like that.

If the concern of the author was to push Nesta into an environment where the primary concern would be Cassian, their romance and the acknowledgment of the Inner Circle I am sure there are many more ways to work with that than taking a character’s PTSD and manipulating in a way as to make it less important for their individual narrative and more or less a stepping stool for getting the character to a place that wouldn’t otherwise go and especially more so if they were in their right frame of mind. 

And I am not going to even get to other issues like how I am sure how tone deaf the author is still going to be when it comes to PoC cultures (Illyrians) vs White Savior Trope (Nesta entering that culture as a Queen without a crown that will go through the blood rite and into a warring misogynistic tribe where she will give the solution in the end but you know...’yay feminism’...and then adding salt into injury you will have Rhysand, Azriel and Cassian that have been in charge for half a millennia and could have solved certain issues if they truly wanted given their position and power but now that someone else will do it for them they will still get the credit...but you know...dreamers change the world and all that...but only when it is convenient I guess...).

[letshaikyuu]

haikyuu characters and what do they post on instagram? choose your faves :)

𝚑𝚚!! 𝚘𝚗 𝙸𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚖  ·  ·  · ♡

·  ·  · 𝚊/𝚗: 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚜𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚊 𝚌𝚞𝚝𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚘𝚖𝚐, 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗 !!

·  ·  · 𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐: 𝚜𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚊 𝚜𝚙𝚘𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚊𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍

·  ·  · 𝚗𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚐𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝

·  ·  · 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜: 𝚘𝚒𝚔𝚊𝚠𝚊 𝚝𝚘𝚘𝚛𝚞, 𝚔𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚢𝚊𝚖𝚊 𝚝𝚘𝚋𝚒𝚘, 𝚝𝚜𝚞𝚔𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚖𝚊 𝚔𝚎𝚒, 𝚖𝚒𝚢𝚊 𝚊𝚝𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚞, 𝚔𝚞𝚛𝚘𝚘 𝚝𝚎𝚝𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚘𝚞

·  ·  · 𝚠𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚊 𝚕𝚒𝚕 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚋𝚘𝚊𝚛𝚍, 𝚘𝚘𝚙𝚜

𝚘𝚒𝚔𝚊𝚠𝚊 𝚝𝚘𝚘𝚛𝚞 ·  ·  · ♡

Oikawa would be today’s influencer lol. His Instagram is perfectly themed, all the pictures make sense and either show him in a sexy-ass pose or something he thoroughly enjoys – like volleyball, milk bread, and aliens. His theme itself doesn’t have any funny pictures because he wants people to see him as a professional volleyball player – that’s why he keeps posting himself at practice

Definitely posts himself sporting the official Argentinian jersey, but who are we to judge

Unlike his feed, his highlighted stories (I forgot the name oops) and private stories show his friends just how big of an idiot he really is lol. He posts funny photos, videos from practice or him failing at cooking something. He doesn’t fear being judged on there, so he only posts things like this on his ‘close friends’ list – all of the ex-Seijoh members are on there and a few people from other schools

He also has separate stories for each country he travels to. Those stories usually show the places he visited, the food he ate and if he was with the team – pictures of them training or playing beach volleyball depending on the country. He never fails to post a selfie of him at the beach, sunglasses on and sun-kissed skin, making every fangirl of his squeal when looking at the picture

The ex-Seijoh third years always tease him on almost every post he shows up himself because they love him just like that <3

He definitely has a large following because he posts frequently and people love seeing him on their dash. Oikawa is actually really aesthetic and he knows when something looks good. Also, does Instagram lives with some of his teammates whenever they travel somewhere. You can clearly tell from his Instagram that he’s living the life

𝚔𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚢𝚊𝚖𝚊 𝚝𝚘𝚋𝚒𝚘 ·  ·  · ♡

His posts are very infrequent and kind of messy. He doesn’t have a particular theme going on and he posts whatever he wants and whenever he wants. His stories are usually of a milk carton placed on the bench while he waits for the bus – timestamp of course because it’s the only sticker Kageyama actually knows how to find and use

Kageyama in high school and as a young adult can’t be compared – even when it comes to Instagram. As someone who’s now a public figure, he needs to show himself in a better and proper light, so he takes what he posts more seriously. Deletes all the useless things he used to post back as a teen and starts of his new feed with a photo of him and the Schweiden Adlers.

After that, his posts have more of a theme to them because Hoshiumi keeps criticizing him when he scrolls through his gallery; he then recommends Kageyama to keep his theme more like a sailor theme – blue and white. So, when you open Kageyama’s Instagram now, it still has his signature milk carton and volleyball action shots, but it looks more professional, the shots emphasizing Kageyama’s physique more

Oikawa once comments about how buff his Tobio-chan is getting and the public went wild

Hinata also commented how Kageyama keeps growing and he’s still shorter

There’s no doubt that he has at least one picture on his feed of the whole Karasuno team – probably after a win and all of them are smiling like crazy that even Tsukishima has an indication of a smile on his lips -  and a selfie with Hoshiumi and Ushijima – courtesy of Hoshiumi himself. He doesn’t have a huge following, but people aren’t blind and can see how handsome Kageyama really is

𝚝𝚜𝚞𝚔𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚖𝚊 𝚔𝚎𝚒 ·  ·  · ♡

So, he has Instagram more to stay in contact with his friends because there’s a handful of them overseas and Tsukishima just wants to see what they’re doing because he doesn’t want to lose contact with them - yes, he doesn’t want to lose the only real friends he truly made in high school

Anyhow, him actually posting something on his feed is very rare - he’s too lazy to take pictures and too lazy to post them and actually care about posting. The only photos of him on his feed are the ones his teammates had taken of him or Yamaguchi

They’re pretty aesthetic, ngl. Tsukishima strikes me as someone who’d look effortlessly good on camera if he decided to do so

His stories are a different story. Tsukishima likes randomly taking a photo of anything he finds cool or ‘aesthetic’ as Yamaguchi taught him - it’s usually with a timestamp or date, a cup of coffee (or strawberry shortcake lol), or a book on the table with the sun/moonlight invading amidst the curtains. He’d also take a lot of photos during his break from working at the Museum - this is such a Tsukishima job, I can’t

He also reposts (?) stories of him once someone tags him in their own - usually Yamaguchi or Hinata when the Karasuno alumni meet up (I’m not crying, but that’s sad to me for some reason)

Doesn’t have a large following and is content with his followers being people he actually knows and not some ‘obsessed fangirls and fanboys’ as he’d put it - definitely messes with Kageyama, saying how his resting bitch face is finally useless and gaining attraction. No, they didn’t argue, not at all lol

𝚖𝚒𝚢𝚊 𝚊𝚝𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚞 ·  ·  · ♡

I can’t not call him an influencer because his Instagram basically screams someone who’s well-known. He doesn’t pay much attention to themes and if his posts look nice, put together on his feed - he knows his photos are good, so he doesn’t worry at all about things like that

He does have something similar to a theme going on - his photos are either taken at the gym, during matches and in places that have dim lighting. Definitely takes pictures in those fancy-ass sofas fancy restaurants have or in their bathrooms because he looks very posh then. But, damn, does he rock shirts with the first few buttons popped open

And then you see Osamu in the comments saying how he didn’t have enough money to buy a proper shirt and that’s sad

The Black Jackals have a ball in his comments section, but that’s not the only place they frequent on his feed. Like most, he has a lot of stories designated for his close friends only - designated cause Bokuto definitely trains in the gym without his shirt on <3. He also posts a shit ton of gym selfies or when he’s lifting weights and Hinata is the one taking the picture

Also someone with a large following who catches the public’s eye. I feel like people who have no clue who he is and what sport he plays would still follow him because he’s just hot - and, well, aesthetic and pleasing to look at ngl, I’d follow him too

Loves taking derpy pictures of his teammates and posting him on ‘close friends’ because Sakusa would murder him if the picture of him caught mid-sneeze went online - but damn, Sakusa looked good even in that picture frame, Atsumu is jealous

People go crazy when he posts a picture together with Osamu because people can’t handle twice the amount of hotness 

𝚔𝚞𝚛𝚘𝚘 𝚝𝚎𝚝𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚘𝚞 ·  ·  · ♡

He has this fine contrast between posting something sporty and something nerdy, so to say. His feed is a pretty accurate representation of Kuroo as a person because you can find a lot of things he’s into and he doesn’t mind posting pictures that might seem a tad bit embarrassing

Now, he, too, doesn’t have a theme specialized for his feed because he’s more of a ‘post whatever and it’ll somehow fit in’ and he posts rather frequently because he has a lot of pictures in his gallery. Loves posting pictures of hangouts or when he’s reunited with some of his friends after a long time with a witty caption or ‘good to see you back, bro’ (cough cough Yaku-)

On his story, he loves posting aesthetic photos of his food and drinks, especially if he’s in a coffee shop and he intentionally dresses formally for the perfect Instagram story. It’s basically him holding the cup to tea to his lips and looking out the window, his coat hanging over his shoulders and giving him a rather sophisticated feel

You also find Kenma on his stories being as aesthetic and more with Kuroo because they’re eye-catching in public places

Besides that, he also likes posting about his notes and like a timestamp with his desk and paperwork, laptop, and a succulent placed neatly on it. He’d have a cat who’d he also post a lot about or just opts for posting ‘throwback Thursday’ pictures taken back during his Nekoma days

Not that big of a following, but he does have a decent amount. Does Instagram lives as well! - usually when they have a Nekoma reunion or they’re at a karaoke bar and Kuroo wants to show how bad they are at singing lol. He doesn’t forget to hide the alcohol tho

[littlebigafterdark]

I'm feeling in a particular mood for some more Logan stuff, (totally not my comfort character who unfortunately is a medium for a lot of angst /s) so maybe the almost-relapse?

the littles accidentally trigger logan's ED (janus and patton help him thru it)

This is a copy pastd from a really long message i sent to liv a few weeks ago, just in case the grammar is weird or somethin!

oOo

context: whenever roman is a brat and refuses to eat dinner, logan gets noticeably more frustrated than with any other bratty behaviour because it hits too close to home to his eating disorder

so...

one day when patton is out somewhere, maybe at his carpentry class ((thats actually slightly spoilers for a big concept for the main blog lol)), logan has both the littles

and roman is bratty and refuses to eat dinner and logan breathes evenly and tries not to worry abt it bc he KNOWS roman always eats, hes just doing it to be annoying, breathe, he isnt actually restricting its ok

and logan was literally holding the baby fork up to vees mouth and suddenly she giggles and pushes it away

"come on baby, yummy time" logan coos and smiles a little but he doesnt feel it, and with his other hand he tickles lightly under vees chin and she giggles and logan smiles and goes to feed her again

but she pushes the fork away and babbles "mo bima!"

and roman laughs "yeah, no dinner! no dinner!" and bounces

and logan is feeling rlly shaky and hot suddenly and swallows thickly and ignores roman, and keeps looking at vee "princess, please open up," trying not to pay attention to how shaky his voice is. "its papa's spaghetti remember? yummy" he nods enthusiastically and goes to feed her again

but again vee just giggles all squeaky and pushes the fork away and looks at roman with a big smile for his approval. and roman is like "yeah vee! rebellion!!!" still so playful

but he hasnt noticed logans chest is heaving a little and hes staring at where vee pushed the fork away and logan was too shaky not to drop it on the floor.

and he looks up at vee and how small she is and how shes genuinely on the lower end of average weight and they need to make sure she doesnt dip down into underweight and thinks about how terrified he is of the idea that if she did develop an ED like he did it would be so dangerous and he cant see his baby go through that and-

it just hits him so so so harshly and hes suddenly crying and roman and vee freeze and look at him. and he hurriedly wipes away his tears and breathes shakily and tries to say again

"vee pl-please just ea--" and his throat closes up, he cant even say the word 'eat' and he gags on his tears and jumps up from his chair to run out to the downstairs bathroom and locks himself in trying to calm down and stop gagging.

and he can hear vee crying and roman - adult now - promising her its okay, mama feels a bit sicky but everythings okay, lets phone nana, its ok baby

and logan is breathing too fast and shaking and crying with his back against the bathroom door, not gagging anymore, but unable to take himself outside

. he hears roman feeding vee, and vee giggling and clearly enjoying the food, but no matter how comforting that is to hear he cant get over that genuine terror he felt when vee refused to eat, its his worst nightmare for vee to develop disordered eating - for any of them, but vee is already very thin and it could be critical, and logan cant get over that

when janus arrives (barely ten minutes later, he must have jumped in the car straight away which is only used for emergencies bc of janus' partial blindness) he speaks quietly to roman, and of course theyre trying to be subtle

but the kitchen is only across the hall from the bathroom and logan hears every word of roman explaining what happened and how confusing it was and how patton wont be home for another forty five minutes and roman didnt want either vee or logan to be alone but they probably shouldnt be around each other right now since vee gets so upset when the others arent happy

roman tries to talk to logan first through the bathroom door, apologising for misbehaving and promising he wont do that again. but can logan tell him what exactly was so bad about it this time? so roman can not do whatever it is in future.

but logan cant bring himself to say anything. he cant tell roman about this at least not yet he hasnt felt ready yet even if its been years and he doesnt know if he ever will be ready to tell roman about his ED

so after realising logan wont talk to him, roman swaps with janus. janus doesnt know the details but he knows theres something about logan and eating and hes made an educated guess from all the fibs hes heard over the years.

"hey, dic" (janus' unsavoury nickname for logan that he insists is just short for dictionary) "do you need a glass of water?"

logans throat is actually dry from hyperventilating and he says with a quiet scratchy voice through the door "yes please"

and when janus brings it to the door he just knocks gently and when logan opens the door to accept it janus doesnt make any comment on logans messy hair where hes run his hand through it or on his glassy red rimmed eyes or on the tremble of his fingers. but he does say "i know it must be so cozy in there" he nods to the cramped cold bathroom "but you might just prefer it in your room"

logan flushes a little and nods, comes out of the bathroom and heads to the stairs, but he pauses at the bottom of the stairs thinking... he doesnt know if he can be trusted alone upstairs. theres another bathroom up there and the gagging has made his stomach churn and he feels FULL from dinner and if only he emptied it then maybe he would feel better right? .... no

so he rasps without turning back to janus "i... i cant be alone"

"look behind you, idiot" janus says and its far closer than logan remembered him being.

he whips his head round to see janus was following closely behind him. janus raises a pierced eyebrow "well, are we going to stand in the stairway all night?" and of course its snarky but its soft too

so logan breathes deeply and they go upstairs to his room. janus makes himself at home, immediately grabbing a book from logans book case and collapsing sideways in logans armchair as soon as they stepped in the room. logan reclines on his bed and sips his water and does breathing exercises and tries to not feel humiliated about this breakdown

every time logan tries to apologise for disturbing janus' evening (he didnt) or asks if janus is sure roman is grownup enough to look after vee appropriately (he is) or insists that he is okay to be left alone now (he's not) janus just murmurs "shut up im reading"

when patton gets back roman just tells him logan isnt feeling good and patton hurries up to see him - and upon seeing his husband logan is overcome by shame that he almost relapsed and relief that his best friend is here and a wave of tears that he tries and fails to blink away

and janus just quietly bids them good night and promises he'll stay a couple hours to keep roman and vee company, but patton insists he stays the night in pattons room (its not safe for him to drive in thr dark) and janus is used to this routine by now that he knows where the spare pillows are

so janus leaves quietly and logan croaks "thanks, old man" trying to sound casual but regretting it when his voice shakes. janus just holds up a peace sign and closes logans door behind him on the way out.

as soon as the door closes logans face crumples and he hides his eyes behind his arm and patton practically bounds over to logan and climbs onto bed next to him and cradles logans head to his shoulder as he cries

they stay like that, cuddling in bed, patton cradling logans head and kissing the nape of his neck and wrapping his arm around logans waist to spoon him and whisper about what happened and how they can avoid it in future

but mainly they just breathe and cry together and patton fills the hours with soft affirmations of love and getting logan a tea and promising its okay if logan wants a cookie with it but logan says maybe later (later turns out to be 2:30 in the morning but at least it really was later)

they barely sleep that night but its all comfort and talking and by morning despite being exhausted, logan feels safer and breakfast goes by without a hitch

oOo

just some notes me and liv made that i think highlights some main points:

logan struggling so much even when he knows that the kids are just playing around and they don't really mean that they don't want to eat, but it's just one of those things that inevitably hits too close to home

it just suddenly hit him! like any other day he can cope with roman doing that, its a small blip usually, but the fact that VEE started refusing food freaked logan out so much bc they genuinely have to keep an eye on her weight just bc shes naturally so small

his emotions about his history with an ED plus his overprotective mama cg space making him nearly go into a panic attack from the thought that vee could develop an ED is very sad and very true

and janus coming right away!! and he and roman handle the siatuation so well, like roman was so smart knowing not to leave logan alone, and janus calling him dic and taking him to his room and staying there until patton gets back

and him crying from just seeing patton because he's his best friend and he can be vulnerable around him is very :'c <3

hes so so relieved to see patton but theres also the slightests "ive let my husband down" bc he thinks bc patton helped him so much he owes it to patton to not relapse - but of course pat reassures him its natural to relapse but he didnt! he caught it in the early stages and asked for help and patton is never disappointed in him

he caught it!!! he caught it and he stopped himself and he let himself be helped by both roman and janus and patton and he didn't even relapse!! and this whole thing is really a sign of how far he's come that he was able to accept their help in his vulnerable state, even if roman and janus didn't have the full story, they still wanted to help him through whatever he was experiencing

[gascon-en-exil]

A Game of Thrones 10th Anniversary Season Ranking: Part 2

Link to Part 1

Time for the bottom half of the list. The four seasons here will surprise no one, but the order might.

#5 Season 6

You can tell what I most what to talk about here...but there's an order to these things.

S6 actually has a bunch of great ideas, but they drown beneath the most slapdash plotting and character work the show has seen yet in order to set the stage for the narrower conflicts of the last two seasons. It's notorious for bringing back characters who haven't been seen in a season or longer only to kill them off (Balon Greyjoy, Osha, Hodor, the Blackfish, Rickon, Walder Frey) or awkwardly graft them back into the main plot (Sandor Clegane, Bran). There are plot threads that ought to be compelling but are too rushed in execution, like the siege of Riverrun, Littlefinger's hand in the Battle of the Bastards, or Daenerys's time back among the Dothraki and then finally getting the hell out of Meereen. Arya hits on the only interesting part of her two-season sojourn in Braavos - a stage play, of all things - only for it to stumble at the end with a disappointing offscreen death and some incomprehensible philosophy ahead of the start of her murder tour of Westeros. There's also so much cutting off the branches, enough to be conspicuous; the final shot of Daenerys leading an armada of about half the remaining cast she assembled partially offscreen says that better than anything else. Well, not anything....

Highlight: Without exaggeration, the opening of S6E10 is easily my favorite sequence in all of GoT. The staging, the music, the mounting suspense even as it becomes increasingly obvious what's about to happen, the twisted religious references particularly in Cersei's mock confession to Unella, Tommen throwing himself out a window because he can't deal with the reality of how terrible his mother is, how Cersei gives absolutely no fucks whatsoever about murdering hundreds of people at once in a calculated act of vengeance largely prompted by her own poorly thought out actions - I love it all. It's the single most masterfully-executed act of villainy in the whole show - Daenerys torching King's Landing probably has a higher body count, but the presentation there is all muddled - and if I had any doubts about Cersei being my favorite multi-season major character they were silenced in this moment. The explosion of the Sept doesn't sit perfectly with me, because I liked the Tyrells and because of what I said about deaths like theirs and Renly's in the previous post under S2, but I think that unease only cements the strength of this sequence. It's an overused phrase in fandom these days, but GoT at its best is all about moral greyness that gives its audience room for multilayered reactions. Cersei nuking the Sept and making herself the sole power in King's Landing, which in a sense is just a more overt example of the kind of character/plot consolidation elsewhere represented by Daenerys's armada, is one of those events that's impossible to approach from a single angle if you care about any of the characters involved. And hey, it's not in the books (yet, presumably), so unlike Ned's death or the Red Wedding the GoT showrunners can take the credit for realizing this one.

Favorite death: Even leaving aside the Sept and related deaths there's a lot of good ones to choose from in S6. Ramsey is cathartic but too gory for me, Osha's was a clever callback but a little delayed, it's hard to pin down specific deaths when Daenerys incinerates the khals, and Arya only gets half credit for Walder Frey and his sons when she saves the rest of the house for the opening of S7. I'm thinking Hodor, not so much because I enjoy his character or the manner of his death but because it's a clever bit of playing with language (that must have been hell to render in other languages for dubbing) wrapped up in some entertainingly murky consent issues and some closed time loop weirdness. It's all very...extra? Is that the word for it?

Least favorite death: Offscreen deaths continue to be mostly letdowns, in this case Blackfish and the Waif. Way to botch the ending of Arya's already near-pointless Braavos arc, guys. Speaking of Arya, this spot goes to Lady Crane, whom the Waif somehow kills with a stool or something. It's a dumb way to send off an entertaining minor character.

#6 Season 8

I swear that I'm not putting S8 this high solely because of Jonmund kind of sort of happening. I've never been very interested in either of them and the sex would be far too bear-on-otter to suit my pornographic preferences, but even so the choice to close out the series with them is hilarious.

I really don't need to elaborate on why S8 is down here; everyone who's ever watched the show has done as much in the nearly two years since it wrapped up. I do however need to explain why I've ranked not one but two seasons below it. My biggest argument here is that I don't believe it's fair to critique S8 for problems it inherited from earlier seasons. A non-comprehensive list:

Mad Queen Daenerys: unevenly built up beginning from S1 and continuing in some form through every following season

The questionable racial optics of Dany's army: also seeded as early as S1 and solidified by S3 with the Slaver's Bay arc

Cersei only succeeding because she makes stupid decisions and then lucks out until she doesn't: apparent from S1, directly lampshaded by Tywin in S3, fully on display with the Faith Militant arc of S5-6

Jaime not getting a redemption arc or falling in love with Brienne: evident with his repeated returns to Cersei throughout the show as one of the most consistent elements of his character, particularly in S4 and during the siege of Riverrun in S6

Tyrion grabbing the idiot ball/becoming a flat audience surrogate mouthpiece: started in S5 around the time the showrunners ran out of book material for him and wanted to make him more of a PoV character and his arc less of a downward spiral, although I've seen arguments that changes from the books involving his Tysha story and Shae set him on this trajectory even earlier

The hardening of Sansa's character: began in earnest in S4 and never let up from there

The strange ordering of antagonists: set down by S7's equally strange plot structure - the Night King had to come first with that setup

CleganeBowl and the dumber twists: from what I've heard the whole thing of writing around fans on the internet guessing plot twists started pretty much when the book content ended, so S5-6 maybe?

Yes, there's plenty to criticize about S8 on its own merits...but just as much that was merely the writers doing what they could at that point with deeply flawed material.

Highlight: This may sound cheesy, but the better parts of S8 are almost all the cinematic ones, whether that's E2 being a bottle episode with tons of poignant character send-offs before the big battle, a handful of deaths with actual satisfying weight like Jorah's and Theon's, and an epilogue that incorporates both closure for individuals and the broader uncertainty of messy socio-political systems that GoT has always been known for before working its way back to the Starks at the very end for some tidy bookending. Even imperfect moments like the Lannister twins' death and the resolution of Sansa's character felt weighty and appropriate based on what had come before.

Favorite death: Forget about the audio commentary attempting to flatten Cersei's character; Cersei and Jaime Lannister have an excellent end. Cersei especially, as the scenes of her stumbling her way down into the catacombs as the Red Keep crashes down around her really show off how her world is abruptly falling apart and how she retreats into her own self-interest at the end in spite of her demise being at least partially of her own doing. There's some stupid moments associated with these scenes, like Jaime dueling Euron to the death and CleganeBowl, but I can excuse those when the twins end up dying exactly where you'd expect them to: in each other's arms, in a ruined monument to their family's grand ambitions that, like Casterly Rock itself, was taken from another family.

Least favorite death: Quite a few dumb ones in S8 have become forever infamous. Missandei sticks out, and for me Varys too just as much because of how the writing pushes him to do the dumbest thing he could possibly do purely for the sake of killing him off ten minutes into the penultimate episode. But no one belongs here more than Daenerys Targaryen, killed at the height of a rushed and uncertain villain reveal by a man who takes advantage of their romantic history (who is also her family, because Targaryens) to stab her in a moment of vulnerability - pretty much only because another man tells him that Daenerys is the final boss. Narratively speaking that might be the case, but even so this is the end result of multiple seasons of middling-to-bad buildup. Not even Drogon burning the symbolism can salvage that. Also Fire Emblem: Three Houses did this scene and did it better.

#7 Season 5

...Yeah, we're going to have to go there.

Sansa's rape is not a plot point that personally touches me much. It's terribly framed in the moment and the followup in later seasons is inconsistent at best, but it's not a kind of trauma I can relate to. On the other hand, in the very same episode Loras is tried and imprisoned for homosexuality, and Margery faces the same punishment for lying for her brother. That hits much closer to home, not just for the homophobia but also for the culture war undertones of the not!French Tyrells persecuted by a not!Anglo fanatic who later reveals himself to be the in-universe equivalent of a Protestant. The trial is just one part of Cersei's shortsighted scheming, just as Sansa being married off to Ramsey is part of Littlefinger's, and both of them get their comeuppance in the end...but it's unsettling all the same. I especially hate what the Faith Militant arc does to King's Landing in S5, swiftly converting it from my favorite setting in GoT to a tense theocratic nightmare that only remains interesting to me because Cersei is consistently awesome. What's more, pretty much everything about S5 that isn't viscerally uncomfortable is dragged out and dull instead: the Dorne arc, Daenerys's second season in Meereen, Arya in Braavos, Stannis and co. at Castle Black. The most any of these storylines can hope for is some kind of bombastic finale, and while several of them deliver it's not enough to make up for what comes before, or how disappointing everything here builds from S4. S4 has Oberyn, S5 has the Sand Snakes - I think that sums up the contrast well.

Highlight: S5 does get stronger near the end. As much as his character annoys me I did like the High Sparrow revealing his pseudo-Protestant bent to Cersei just before he imprisons her, and there's a cathartic rawness to Cersei's walk of atonement where you can both feel her pain and humiliation and understand that she's getting exactly what she deserves (and this is what leads into the climax of S6, so it deserves points just for that). The swiftness of Stannis's fall renders his death and that of his family a bit hollow, but it's brutal and final and fittingly ignominious for a character with such grand ambitions but so little relevance to the larger story. The fighting pits of Meereen sequence is cinematic if nothing else, and even the resolution to the Dorne arc salvages the whole thing a tiny bit by playing into the retributive cycles of vengeance idea (and Myrcella knows about the twincest and doesn't care, aww - no idea why that stuck with me, but it's cute all the same). Oh, and Hardhome...it's alright. Not great, not crap, but alright.

Favorite death: I don't know why, but Theon tossing Myranda to her death is always funny to me. Maybe because it's so unexpected?

Least favorite death: Arya's execution of Meryn Trant is meant to be another one of the season's big finale moments, but the scene is graphic and goes on forever and I can't help but be grossed out. This is different from, say, Shireen's death, which is supposed to be painful to witness.

#8 Season 7

I can't tell if S7's low ranking is as self-explanatory as S8's or not. At least one recent retrospective on GoT's ruined legacy I've come across outright asserts that S7 is judged less harshly in light of how bad S8 was. If it were not immediately obvious by where I've placed each of them, I don't share that opinion.

Because S7 is just a mess, and the drop-off in quality is so much more painful here than it is anywhere else in the series except maybe from S4 to S5 (and that's more about S4 being as good as it is). The pacing ramps up to uncomfortable levels to match the shortened seasons, the structure pivots awkwardly halfway through from Daenerys vs. Cersei to Jon/Dany caring about ice zombies, said pivot relies largely on characters (mostly Tyrion) making a series of catastrophically stupid tactical decisions, and very few of the smaller set pieces land with any real impact as the show's focus narrows to its endgame conflict. As with S6 there are still some good ideas, but they're botched in execution. The conflict between Sansa and Arya matches their characters, but the leadup to that conflict ending with Littlefinger's execution is missing some key steps. Daenerys's diverse armada pitted against Cersei weaponizing the xenophobia of the people of King's Landing could have been interesting, but there's little room to explore that when Cersei keeps winning only because Tyrion has such a firm grip on the idiot ball and when Euron gets so much screentime he barely warrants. Speaking of Tyrion's idiot ball, does anyone like the heist film-esque ice zombie retrieval plotline? Its stupidity is matched only by its utter futility, because Cersei isn't trustworthy and nobody seems to ever get that.

And how could I forget Sam's shit montage? Sums up S7 perfectly, really. To think that that is part of the only extended length of time the show ever spends in the Reach....

Highlight: A handful of character moments save this season from being irredeemable garbage. As you can guess from my screencap choice, Olenna's final scene is one of them, even if Highgarden itself is given insultingly short shrift. S7 also manages what I thought was previously impossible in that it makes me care somewhat about Ellaria Sand, courtesy of the awful death Cersei plans for her and her remaining daughter. The other Sand Snakes are killed with their own weapons, which shows off Euron's demented creativity if nothing else. I like the entertainingly twisted choice to cut the Jon/Dany sex scene with the reveal that they're related. And, uh...the Jonmund ship tease kind of makes the zombie retrieval team bearable? I'm really grasping at straws here.

Favorite death: It's more about her final dialogue with Jaime than her actual death, but again I'm going to have to highlight Olenna Tyrell here for lack of better options. She drops the bombshell about Joffrey that the audience figured out almost as soon as it happened but still, makes it plain what I've been saying about how Jaime's arc has never really been about redemption, and is just about the only person to ever call Cersei out for that whole mass murder thing. There's a reason "I want her to know it was me" became a meme format.

Least favorite death: There aren't any glaringly bad deaths in S7, just mediocre or unremarkable ones. I still think the decision to have Arya finish off House Frey in the season's opening rather than along with their father at the end of S6 was a strange one that doesn't add much of dramatic value.

[localkatshelter]

Okame’s Underbelly: Anticipation |1st|

(Shinso x OC)

Katsumi's POV (localvillageidiot#0870) and Shinso's POV (hecker#8339)

Summary:

 Two people with a common passion meet unexpectedly during one of Shinso's lowest moments. He'd like to forget it ever happened but Katsumi has her own reasons for not letting it go. Through push and pull, they struggle to understand one another, regardless they can't keep away from each other.

Preview: 

| How long have I been staring at myself in the fucking mirror? My eyes look so dead...but don’t they always. I realized the extra lifelessness wasn’t due to my overall apathy or shitty eyeliner; it was due to them being red and puffy. That’s no good. I hurriedly searched through the cabinet for my eye drops. They were usually used for another purpose, but today, they’ll be used to disguise the fact that I had been crying. |

(Katsumi's POV)

My head fell forward for the millionth time as I struggled to stay awake for the last five minutes of my summer remedial science lab. Why does science have to be so boring? This fucking professor always lectures for the full three hours too. How could someone possibly have this much to say about chlorophyll? All I could do was watch the clock tick by until, finally, the class was dismissed. I gathered my things as quickly as possible and headed towards my dorm building. Throwing my things onto the kitchen table, I immediately started to strip and headed towards the bathroom. The silver lining in having to come to campus in the summer for my remedial class? Getting to move in early and having the whole suite to myself. I showered quickly and put on my typical Friday night attire: some broken-in mom jeans that I embroidered and had a friend paint on paired with a comfortable faded band t-shirt I had stolen from a partner I had long forgotten the name of, tucked and held in place with some old belt I fished out of a Good Will bin a few years ago. I hummed as I put on some clear lipgloss and touched up my hair. Perfect. I made sure to set out some dinner for my fat cat who was hiding somewhere in my bedroom, likely in my sheets. For a supposed emotional support animal, I never saw much of her unless she was in the mood to cuddle, which was usually at night.

“Harley, I’m going out. I’ll be back.” I called out.

She meowed from the bed in response. I grabbed my things from the table and tossed them into my bedroom before popping my headphones in and heading out the door. I was on my way to the only place that made my summer Fridays bearable: The Squeaky Wheelhouse.

After a short while, I walked up to a dark and disheveled, yet oddly charming, building. This was my hidden gem, the highlight of my college career, a place where artists gathered to share their work and critique the world around them without fear. Friday nights were open mic nights for spoken word poetry, which I didn’t think I would like until I heard Okame perform. Their words about the plights of the world of heroism and comic book celebrities brought to life really resonated with me. Most of their pieces were critiques on how heroes navigate their jobs and how they are treated by the government, the people, and each other. I admired the way they captured the duality of appreciating heroes for what they are while also not feeling a need to bow to them as if they were gods. It felt so real to me, especially because around the same time I first heard their work, I had started my photojournalism blog on a similar topic. It was really just a love project at first. I would take pictures of heroes in the heat of battle and use them to show how human they really are. Honestly, I'm not even sure if it was me or my quirk that had the idea first. My hyperempathology quirk sometimes had a mind of its own. It was always dragging me into situations that I had no business being in. I always ended up manipulating someone's emotions to make them feel better, which had positive and negative results. On the one hand, I was glad that I could make someone feel better. On the other hand, it made me feel like shit because not only did I manipulate someone’s emotions without permission; I also absorbed the negative emotions I had alleviated. In a strange sense, the blog was my own way of alleviating myself of what I had alleviated. I had never expected it to take off either, but there I was, a month later, still taking pictures of heroes in their most desperate and vulnerable state in an effort to humanize them. I kept at it because, well, they are people after all. They aren’t gods, they have emotions, but the way the media and the government build a hero’s image doesn’t allow for much expression. It’s unfair to them; it's as if they aren't allowed to be people anymore. I had always thought I was alone in that, but apparently, I’m not. My blog has a pretty decent following now, which I am super proud of. Although I’m pretty sure that a lot of people in the hero community despise or at least dislike me for basically being renegade paparazzi.

Oh well. No one knows it’s me who runs the blog. The closest anyone has ever gotten was when someone traced my IP address back to the college campus, but Kyoto University has upwards of 22,000 students enrolled. There’s no way someone would be able to find me out as long as I don’t use my personal electronics to post. Okame had also become a popular performer at the Wheelhouse and had a sort of residency time slot on Friday nights. It was weird, but I was proud of them too. I felt like we were similar, almost connected by our mutual views and creative outlets. On top of that, they used a pseudonym and a ghost performer just like I used a pen name and hid my IP address for my work. All of the aligning characteristics made me think we would get along if we ever met, but that’ll probably never happen.

I walked into the building, waving to the Friday night staff that I had gotten to know over the summer. I took a seat on a comfortable looking armchair near the back corner of the main room that had a decent view of the small performance stage. I opened up a book that I brought with me to read until the performances started. I ordered a large mint tea and settled in, anticipating Okame’s latest insight.

(Shinso's POV)

I had bitten my lips raw at this point. There’s no way it’s actually over. We’ve broken up so many times before, and we’ve always managed to hash it out. But this time felt different. She wasn’t returning my texts with curt responses. She wasn’t posting about me subliminally on her social media to piss me off. She didn’t show up at my house with the gifts I had given her and dramatically throw them at me. No angry voicemails. No tears. No nothing. The strangest part was that her last text wished me well, even though I ended it this time around. All of it almost felt like a real goodbye. But still, there’s no way.

I had to talk to her tonight to make sure. Throughout our whole relationship, despite our arguing, we never missed a Friday at The Squeaky Wheelhouse. That was our way to ease the stress from the strife of the week prior. No matter how mad we were, we would still begrudgingly sit together and enjoy the show. By the end of the night, we would always manage to soften towards each other once again. Even if my piece of the week was bitterly aimed at her, she still respected me enough to put my voice out there and perform it for me. That’s what I loved about her. She knew attention made me squeamish and vulnerability was definitely not my favorite pastime. I shared the document that contained today's piece with her. It was an apology. She could barely squeeze those out of me normally, so she had to know I was deadly serious this time around. I tried not to envision her reaction or dwell on whether or not she would even accept my apology because it made me so anxious that I wanted to jump out of my skin.

How long have I been staring at myself in the fucking mirror? My eyes look so dead...but don’t they always. I realized the extra lifelessness wasn’t due to my overall apathy or shitty eyeliner; it was due to them being red and puffy. That’s no good. I hurriedly searched through the cabinet for my eyedrops. They were usually used for another purpose, but today, they’ll be used to disguise the fact that I had been crying. Save those tears for later, Shinso. She’s seen me cry even less than she’s heard me apologize. Numbness was the best blanket I’ve ever had. But tonight, I’ll avoid covering myself up. I need to show her that I care because I’m known to fucking suck at it. After I applied the drops, I roughly ran my fingers through my torturously messy violet mane, exhaling heavily. I tried to dress up a little this Friday. I know it’s trivial, but I want to be my best for her tonight. My outfit was made up of my typical dark colors, but I dressed it up with a black jean jacket, chelsea boots, and a few bulky rings that she gifted me but were too cumbersome to actually wear. What makes them even more annoying is that I’ve been fiddling with them all evening to distract myself, and let me tell you, it’s not working. I have another hour until I have to leave; I need a better distraction.

I plopped myself down on my bed with my laptop and clicked on my “The Underbelly'' bookmark. I always loved the irony of this blog served as an escape but also as a merciless glimpse into reality for me. My leg bounced as the page loaded—no new posts. Shit...well, it has only been a couple of days. I thoroughly looked forward to the new content because the author and I are eerily like-minded as far as hero ideology. Sometimes I felt as if I wrote a few of the entries myself. They’re the only person that I felt connected to on a philosophical level, and finally having that was comforting, to say the least. It was a bit taboo to criticize heroes so harshly because it was easy to be labeled as ungrateful. I’ve personally always felt like a great way to show appreciation is to continuously try to improve a system that everyone relies on. I guess people just don’t like to make sense. Hero work is honestly one of the few things I actually cared about, and to see people be so dismissive really pissed me off. Then again, people don’t really know I feel this way. I try not to let people get into my head too much. That’s why I created my Okame persona. I wanted to get my views out there without making it about myself at all. I felt it didn’t really hold true to the purpose of my message, with the whole not making hero’s these god-like figureheads simply for doing what’s right. That and...I hate when people look at me for more than a few seconds. My searing glare usually fixed that right quick. Quickly getting over the minor disappointment, I closed my laptop. Well, I didn’t have another alternative distraction, so I decided to say fuck it and head to the kitchen for some liquid courage.

I downed about two shots of rum. I was taking the bus there anyway, so it’s not like it mattered. I checked my watch, 30 more minutes. I wracked my brain for something to alleviate the unbearable anticipation as I blankly stared at the bottle of rum. Oh! I could pick up her favorite soju. It’s super strong, so we usually reserve it for a day where we don’t plan to do shit else but enjoy each other's company. But I feel like if we’re gonna hash all the bullshit out, we might need to be generously buzzed. Liquor store it is. I adjusted my collar before I headed out the door.

I decided on four bottles of the grapefruit soju because she really likes tart flavors. She always made fun of me for liking the sweeter sojus, but I’ll let her think she has the better taste tonight. The drinks were hidden away in a plastic bag tucked under my feet. I tried to settle in my seat towards the back as I checked my watch again for the fifteenth time. It was now 5 minutes after the starting time. Guess both the show and my girlfriend(?) are running late. My hands automatically began scratching at the already chipped polish on my nails. She’s been uncharacteristically calm during this fight; I wonder if she’ll stay that way once she sees me.

[beautifulbuckys]

Bravo, baby

Request: “Can you do a youtuber reader x steve rogers where They do boyfriend does my make up? :))”

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Fluff? Loooots of fluff, some bad humor

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Youtuber!Reader

You heard your camera give a small beep, it's now or never.

"Hey, guys!" You waved at the camera propped on a stack of books in front of you. "It's Y/N! Today, I'm back with my boyfriend Steve!"

Steved waved at the camera with a bright smile. He was beaming. "Hey, everyone!" He cheered.

You grinned at him. "Alrighty, so here's what we're doing. I get it's 2014, but I wanted to do a 'boyfriend does my makeup' video! I figured it'd be fun, and I actually think Steve will be really good at this!"

Steve let out a chuckle and shook his head playfully. He watched you talk to the camera with such care. You had lots of fun doing these videos. Filming was one of your greatest joys, you always beamed before you did it. However, Steve's favourite part of your job was when you got ideas. You eyes would shine as bright as the stars, and your smile would reach your temples. You'd always bounce out of your seat to grab your small orange notebook and write the idea down. Steve called it your 'notion notebook'.

"Okay!" You said after you finished explaining what was going to be doing. "I bought a few more supplies because it was a coincidence that I was running out,"

You dumped out a bag of a few flashy eye shadow pallets, two beauty blenders and a new highlighter.

Steve immediately grabbed a beauty blender and unpackaged it, shoving it in his mouth.  "What is this? A bright pink glamorized marsh mello?" Steve questioned. He knew it was a beauty blender, he's dated you long enough to know. It was all in good fun.

"Steve!" you gasped, playfully slapping on his shoulder.

Steve started sticking his tongue out. "This thing is taking all the moisture out of my mouth!" He announced for you to hear.

You laughed, the sound bouncing off the fairy-light covered walls. Your laugh was always music to Steve's ears, especially you belly laugh. It's the way he could tell that you were having a good time, that you're enjoying yourself.

"Then spit it out, genius!"

Steve spit out the beauty blender.

"I wonder if he's going to stick my bronzer down his throat," You spurt with amusement, making eye contact to the camera.

He looked at you, with a curious glint in his eyes. That comment made him want to prove you wrong.

"Oh no," You mumbled to the camera, "He has his game face on,"

"If I'm going to do it, I'm going to be the best at it!" Steve declared, sounding confident and ready-to-go.

"You heard it here first folks! Steve Rogers is going to be a makeup artist overnight,"

"Okay, where do I start?" Steve questioned, antsy to do something so fun. You never really let him touch your makeup, in the container or on your face. He understood, it took time. Makeup was an art he just didn't understand, so he respected your request. He also understood how expensive makeup was. Whenever you were with Okoye and Nakia, you'd tell them how pricy makeup is. They wore very little, and whenever they saw you, they'd compliment yours. So you always told them about where you shopped. You'd also occasionally bring them gifts from Ulta and Sephora, telling them it was a treat for being so awesome.

"Breaking news, Steve Rogers, self-proclaimed makeup artist, doesn't actually know how to do makeup!"

He laughed, awaiting the real answer. He knew you'd actually tell him, but your viewers needed something to laugh at. You clarified, telling Steve he had freedom. You were no makeup guru, you didn't have a specific routine to follow. He could do whatever he wanted. He was going to have a blast.

Steve's hands almost immediately went to your foundation. He looked up at you for approval, and all you did was nod. He liked that you gave him freedom, he really loved it actually. However, he was still disoriented and overwhelmed. That would not falter his confidence, though.

"That's concealer, baby," You informed him, hoping to settle any confusion.

He playfully scoffed. "I knew that! It says concealer on the bottle!"

"Oh I'm sorry," You retorted with a wide grin on your face. "Who knew, maybe being 101 affected your eyesight a little. I was being a good girlfriend!"

"Ouch, that's cold," Steve growled with playfulness. He'd fake being grumpy sometimes, all for fun. Especially when you'd make fun of his age. He didn't mind, it was just for a joke and he understood the comedy of his age. Not everyone looked thirty even though they lived through the Great Depression. He didn't understand why it was funny at first. But you were the one to sit him down and remind him that he was 99, yet he looked like some 29-year-old male fitness model. Then he got the memo, it was hilarious because it was odd and unnatural.

You giggled as Steve squirted your foundation onto the beauty blender. The colour popped from the aqua applier. He made sure he didn't use the one that was previously in his mouth, that's just disgusting.

He reached up to your face with the bright applier, dabbing it twice on both cheeks and your forehead. Then, he slowly blended it together, going back and applying some extra to your nose. He dabbed and rubbed your face, constantly looking to see how it looked. Once he was satisfied, he reached for a small, brownish looking powder.

"This is," He paused, examining it, "contour?"

You nodded, surprised. "You'd be correct!"

"For an old man, I'm pretty good at guessing what makeup is what," Steve chuckled.

"Oh, so when I call you an old man I'm mean! But when you call yourself an old man you're the funniest man alive,"

Steve laughed.

"Looks like you're dating the funniest man alive!"

For the next fifteen minutes, this is all that happened. Steve would find some makeup, guess what it was, banter with you, and then apply it.  He couldn't help but think how entertaining it would be to your wonderful viewers. Not only would the banter be laughable, but his awful attempt at eyeliner would be amusing.

Just like that, Steve was finished. You closed your eyes for Steve to see the damage. Your foundation was well blended, matching your complexion beautifully. The contour he applied made your cheekbones look amazing. He did your eyeshadow with close precision. You had deep blue fading into violet, which faded into a beautiful pink. It looked like a sunset straight out of a nature documentary. Steve also did your lipstick and eyeliner, which was entertaining for you. It was so hard to not laugh the entire time.

Your lipstick matched your eyeshadow. It was a pinkish-purple colour, not quite either. He lined it with a blue eyeliner you had, so it pulled the look together, while still being unique. The weakest point of your look. It was messy and all over the place, but it makes the look original and hard to copy. You loved the imperfection, Steve resented it.

"I'm deciding not to do mascara, for both your safety but also mine," Steve stated, putting down the eyeliner pen he had in his hand.

"How would you be harmed if you did my mascara?" You questioned, curious for his answer.

"I stab your eye, you stab me," He replied, looking directly into the camera like he was on The Office. Goddamn him and the millennial humour that he learned two weeks ago. You haven't heard the end of Office references since he binged the entire show with Natasha and Sharon. He sometimes drops them without even realizing, and this was an example.

You nod your head with a smirk.

"Yeah, seems about right. Good call, Stevie," You reply.

"Alright guys, I'm no artist, but please tell me how I did in the comments. I'll read them and reply to them with my obvious appreciation of any constructive criticism, this obviously isn't my field."

"I think you did pretty good, baby. You're an artist, I think it shows," You objected.

Steve blushed at you. Sure, he was an artist, but he was used to big canvasses and paintbrushes. You only have your face and tiny brushes for your colourful powers and liquids you apply to your face liquid.

"Alright guys, I have one more thing I want to do before I end this video!"

"Oh God, I think she's gonna kill me! It was nice knowing you all!" Steve joked.

"Steve!" You blurted.

"Sorry baby, as you were saying?"

Y/N took your blue eyeliner pen in your hand. You took the cap off with a pop and looked at Steve. You saw the fear deep in his ocean coloured eyes.

"You're going to do my eyeliner?" Steve asked with worry, he bet you could do it better than him, but he was also scared because that thing is pointy.

You shook your head and turned his face to see his cheek. You put your hand underneath his jaw to stabilize and started writing on Steve's cheek. He tried to stay as still as possible. You let him do your entire face, the least he could do is deal with a blue message on his cheek. You wrote for a few minutes, occasionally messing up and wiping it off. It was either a spelling mistake, or you didn't like how the handwriting looked. He was almost certain it was because of the handwriting.

You tapped on his cheek to show you were done and looked at him with a wide smile plastered on your face. He tried to see what the message was in your camera's viewfinder, but it was too small.

"Want a mirror, babe?"

"Yes, please!"

You handed him a small mirror that you used to apply your makeup in the room you two shared. He placed it on the desk in front of you and bent down, leaning into the mirror. He read the message written on his cheek, trying not to smudge it.

You're going to be a Daddy!

Tears dripped down Steve's cheeks and shock flooded over him. He looked at you, and you nodded. You were also crying, smiling as you were doing so.

"Y/N...are you serious?" He asked, joy obvious in his question. He could barely contain his excitement.

"Completely," You responded, hugging him.

Once he escaped your warm, comfortable hug, he looked into the camera again. He shared his thoughts, raving about how excited he was to have a baby with his girl.

"When did you find out?!" Steve had so many questions. Some of them were not to be asked on camera. He thought that your viewers might want to track with you, so he thought that would be a good question to ask on camera. Heck, it's probably the only question he would ask on camera. You two needed your privacy from the internet. Luckily, your viewers understood.

"A month ago," You squealed. "This is how I planned on telling you,"

He grabbed your face, placing a huge kiss on your lips. He would keep going, but there was a gremlin in the back of his head reminding him that there was a camera. It was a bonus that the camera was recording.

"Oh my God, I'm so happy!" Steve shouted.

You looked at the camera, with the biggest, goofiest smile. "You guys can't feel it, but he's literally shaking in his stool. He is a phone on vibration mode,"

"That's an odd metaphor," Steve expressed.

"Leave me alone, I'm pregnant," You laugh.

Steve looked at you, his eyes hinting he was ready for this video to be over. You got the signal. Turning back to the camera, you waved. "Alright, that wraps up this weeks video! Leave a comment below about how you think Steve did! Please like and subscribe down below, it's much appreciated and makes me strive to produce more content. Alrighty, that's all! Peace out, babes!"

"Bravo babe, now tell me about this baby,"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: 

@musiclover1263

[hellsbells91]

The Witcher from the POV of someone who’s never read the books or played the games:

So I finished watching The Witcher, and apart from being disappointed when I discovered there were only 8 episodes rather than the 10 I thought there were for some reason, I quite enjoyed it...

But first it must be said that I’m coming at this as someone who’s never read the books nor played the games - the extent of my knowledge prior to watching this was that at some point there was a game called The Witcher. This is just to add some context to this review (something the show definitely doesn’t help you with).

Despite losing its way here and there, there are definite standout moments in the Witcher, and it would be a disservice harp on about confusing timelines or messy pacing without saying how sheerly enjoyable The Witcher is. 

+ There is great representation. It’s nice to see POC characters who aren’t relegated to playing the part of ‘scary/savage/deviant foreigners’ - especially in a fantasy where this sort of thing is rife. 

+ The Music/soundtrack is absolutely fantastic with a really cool, off-key folky vibe that sets the scene perfectly. And yes ‘Toss a coin to your Witcher’ is as catchy as everyone says it is. 

+ Speaking of Witchers, Henry Cavill does an excellent job as the stoic, sarcastic yet kind-hearted Geralt. I found him totally convincing and far from the accusations of ‘blandness’ from some critics - I really cherished the moments where you could see his emotions peek through the solid ‘Witchers don’t feel emotions’ thing he has going on. The action sequences featuring him are brilliantly done and are a highlight of the series as a whole - he is very talented at fighting and the choreographers involved should be congratulated for making each fight play out like a brutal dance. 

+ The monsters are also twisted, terrifying and awesome - the Striga in particular is genuinely frightening and with such an intriguing horror mystery surrounding it. If anything I wish there was more monster hunting (not that there isn’t plenty, only that I want more in the future). 

Critiques:

Okay, the show’s not perfect and I had a few different complaints after watching but I soon figured most of them could be summarised as there being simultaneously too much information to learn, but not enough context. Names and locations are thrown around left and right and to someone new to the world it’s a lot to take in, and there’s little time to breathe or to ground the information, which then makes it harder to see the world as a living breathing reality. I’ve read fantasy novels that get around this by sticking a great big map at the front of the book so you can check when you’re feeling lost.

And whilst the use of different timelines is a really ingenious way to show long backstories without exposition dumps/excessive flashbacks, the hints of there being different timelines are often so subtle that they’re easily missed or disregarded as throwaway lines especially without that pre-existing knowledge of the world. I registered that something was off with the timelines but it didn’t wholly click until it was made super obvious in episode 4, but that might just be me.

It is a shame though because this confusion also led to me misinterpreting characters, of which Yennifer is the prime example. The fact that her disability was magically fixed and then shortly followed by the ‘makeover moment’ signalling her fitness to join society I found, frankly, offensive. I was unhappy with it and shocked at first that Tumblr was reacting so positively. But after reading a couple of posts from people who know more about her story than me, I understood a lot more about her motivations and her naive belief that looks and power would fulfil her only to find that it’s all fake as she struggles to live with the price she paid for it. It makes Yennifer a much more intriguing and complex character to follow than the shallow reading of ‘she’s hot now she can get everything she wants’.

The tone as well can stray all over the place, as if it can’t decide between being a serious fantasy horror or campy fun. I’m not knocking the humour, only suggesting some of it might have been better woven in. Jaskier is the comedic centre of the show and he is a great light-hearted presence to have around but sometimes his jokes just feel totally out of place. I suppose it’s there to highlight just how out of his depth Jaskier is, but sometimes it breaks the tension/drama of a scene and not in a good way. 

On a similar note, while the setting is historical the characters feel quite modern - through their looks, mannerisms, speech etc. It’s not necessarily a bad thing - Merlin did a similar thing by making characters of legend feel modern and different - but it does add to the confused tone.

Nevermind all that though, when things start flowing more cohesively as you get further on in the series the Witcher shows real potential and I really look forward to where the story will go in season 2. Just gotta wait a year for it. I’m now wondering whether I should just play The Witcher 3. 

[artificialqueens]

What Happens At DragCon... (Biadore) - Miss Alyssa Secret

Biadore shenanigans at DragCon, involving Roy hiding in plain sight (and fishnets and a thong) and Raja’s terrible timing.  

Technically Roy is 150% busy with Jamie in London, but let’s pretend he managed to sneak away ;).  Standalone from the Not Casual At All series, parallel but not strictly a part of it.

Anonymous prompts: 1) Roy dresses up in bad drag (so he can avoid being noticed) and visit’s Adore’s dragcon booth - up to you if she recognizes him immediately and what shennanigans they try to get up to without the fans knowing.  2) Biadore enjoy the fact attention’s off them at dragcon because everyone’s watching Branjie & take the opportunity to get frisky behind the scenes..

I’ve had a couple of requests on AO3 for a second part, and am trying to decide if it should be a backstage quickie before/after Adore’s runway performance, or full on hotel room smut.  Let me know your opinions! -MAS

********

Getting through LAX incognito was easier said (texted? tweeted?) than done, particularly on this specific weekend.

Roy felt justifiably paranoid, peering around corners and keeping carefully non-descript, hiding in plain sight amongst the countless number of other men in slim fit suits with sleek carryons and garment bags.  Instead of his usual baggy all-black ensemble, he’d traded the oversized hoody and skinny black camo pants for a blue button down and fitted dove grey blazer with dark wash jeans.    Ditching the black-framed glasses was more difficult, but if contacts and hair gel were all it took to move through the crowds of eagle-eyed fans on the lookout for queens arriving…

Slipping on a pair of less conspicuous sleek Ray Bans, he hailed a taxi and directed it to his hotel for the weekend.

********

Groups of people wearing Alaska Thunderfuck t-shirts and bearing strings of Katya’s doll hands were all over the lobby, and avoiding being caught in the background of their numerous Instagram posts was exhausting.  

There had been a dicey moment at the front desk, trying to complete check in as quickly and quietly as possible.  Thankfully, the oblivious staff member’s cheerful, “Enjoy your stay, Mr. Haylock!” was lost in a fan’s excited scream on spotting Plastique on the sidewalk outside.  Smiling tightly, he palmed the keycard and walked briskly towards the bank of elevators.

Traveling with one roll-on suitcase was itself a luxury.  Roy so rarely went anywhere without having to bring Bianca’s bags or needing help loading luggage.  Propping the suitcase on the coffee table, he checked his phone for missed notifications.  There were the usual Instagram tags, but below he tapped on the message from “Pussyface”.

Miss you Willow.  Wish you were here this weekend.

Smiling, he sent a string of lipstick kisses and a selfie strategically engineered to conceal any traces of his actual location.

Thirty seconds later, he added a very unsubtle shot of him cradling his half-hard dick, licking his lips when Adore sent back a row of middle fingers.

Roy cracked his knuckles, shucked off the blazer, and opened his suitcase.  

He loaded a YouTube video just to check that his envisioned plan of attack was more or less accurate, comparing it with memories of what he’d observed in dressing rooms over the years.

Chuckling evilly, he sat in front of the mirror and set to work.

********

Roy blocked the outer half of his brows, waiting impatiently for them to dry.  They felt odd that way, but doing a complete block and drawing them in their habitual position halfway up his forehead wouldn’t look right.

Concealing the shadow along his jaw took a bit longer, covered under a thick layer of foundation a few shades lighter than normal.  He didn’t bother with any contouring on forehead and cheeks, instead concentrating on shrinking his nose down, changing its shape into something less narrow.  

Frowning, he skipped over the well-used primary colors in his palette before setting it aside and digging back into the bag for a rarely-used case.  The shimmering teal he applied around his eyes was as far from Bianca’s white and red-shaded smoke as possible.  A little white went into the corners, closer to the scale a woman might actually use to highlight her eyes.  

He reached into the box marked “eye pencils” for a mostly used up one, heating it with a hairdryer before smearing it thickly along upper and lower lids.  Satisfied with the effect, liquid liner was next, drawing thick wings where Bianca’s raccoon shadow would normally be smudged.  A single pair of lashes completed the eyes, and he practiced winking flirtatiously.

Nude lips were next.  He studied the effect critically in the mirror (it called too much attention to his damnably distinguishing dimples) before reaching for a bright red.  The lipstick was Adore’s, swept into his cases in a dressing room somewhere over the years and never quite returned.  Exaggerating a pout, he skipped Bianca’s pronounced Cupid’s bow for a rounder shape.

Setting the makeup cases aside, he peered into the bottom half of the suitcase with a wicked grin.  

Inside were items that would never be found in his or Bianca’s closet…but were awfully common among the fans descending on DragCon. 

Bianca’s bottom half always started with tucking his exceedingly masculine bulge (“fucking huge dick”, according to Adore) followed by generous hip padding that extended well down Roy’s thighs to create curves and four pairs of tights.  

Today, he didn’t bother tucking at all.  Tossing the snug briefs aside, he unrolled a small bundle of fabric and pulled it on.  The elastic bands hooked themselves over his hips and he adjusted himself, wiggling a few times until he was sure that there wouldn’t be any accidents.  A pair of fishnets were next, unshaven legs on full display.

Simultaneously self-conscious and excited to step so far outside his usual comfort zone, Roy buttoned on a shredded pair of cutoff denim shorts (‘borrowed’ from Adore’s wardrobe a few weeks ago and apparently not missed either).  The top rode well below the waistband of the tights, thong straps completely visible.

Biting his lip, he slipped on a crop top (also nabbed from Danny’s dresser) over his unpadded torso and a torn up Misfits t-shirt over it all.  The holes showed off both the dusting of hair starting to grow back on his conspicuously flat chest, and the fact that he hadn’t bothered to shave under his arms - and wasn’t that an indulgence during Jamie.  

Stepping up into shiny vinyl platform boots, he zipped them and examined himself in the mirror with a critical eye as the wig went on.  Without Bianca’s usual base, the dark-rooted mermaid green hair settled into place slightly askew.  He secured it with a handful of bobby pins, resisting the urge to detangle and blasting it with hairspray.

A spiked leather choker and enormous hoop earrings completed the look.  Concentrating on softening his voice, he made eye contact with his reflection.  A passable Adore cosplay stared back, and he grinned.

”Party.”

********

The DragCon floor felt vastly different amongst the crowds, not being escorted from place to place and no roar as a recognized queen.  Instead, Roy melted into the sea of pink wigs, frilly crinolines, and ridiculous heels.  There were dozens of others dressed as Adore, Trixie, Katya, and even a few Biancas that he had to give credit to for managing her face half-decently.

Most of the attention seemed to be focused on Brooke Lynn and Vanjie’s booths.  He steered well clear, unsure whether Brooke Lynn’s sharp attention to detail would blow his surprisingly effective cover.

Adore’s line was one of the longer ones, and he could hear her laughter long before the pizza-printed backdrop came into view. Spinning a VIP badge, he slipped into line and kept his face nonchalantly turned towards the floor.  He’d been complimented several times already on his “sick makeup”, which hadn’t required more than a smile in thanks, carefully controlled to avoid the dimples surfacing.  The makeup changed the shape of his face, but there was no concealing his voice.

He reached the front of the line, maneuvering so that the gaggle of blushing young women ahead of him blocked Adore’s view as they approached her.  The giggling and tears were simultaneously endearing and a little odd from this side of the table.  After sharing hugs, one of them presented Adore with a gift bag that proved to contain a sketch of Adore and Bianca from one of their many drag selfies.

”Oh wow, did you draw this?  It’s so good!” Adore kissed her cheek and beamed at her.  “I love it, I can’t wait to show it to Bianca!”

“Ohmigod really?” The girl’s voice was quivering with what Bianca assumed to be excitement, face flushed pink. 

“Yeah!  She’s gonna love it too.”

”We were sad she isn’t here,” one of the others chimed in, sporting a passable rendition of Shangela’s spiky red outfit.  

Adore paused in signing a photo, nodding.  “I miss her, but she’s busy being rich and all that in London.”

”We really like her too!  What’s she like for real?” 

Gesturing for them to join her in front of the photo backdrop, Adore’s smile softened a bit as they moved to either side.  “She’s the love of my life, like the most super amazing person ever.”

Roy lost the rest of what she said as the girls arranged themselves around her and several flashes went off.  Adore’s seemingly offhand comment filled his chest with a peculiar warmth, and it took squeezing the edge of the table to bring his smile under control.

”Hi baby!” Adore’s voice came from his right.

He kept his chin ducked down, messy curls obscuring most of his face.  

”I love your outfit,” she continued, voice gentle as he kept up the shy fan pretense.  “Wanna hug?”

She stepped forward with her arms held out, and he let her fold him into an embrace that was 100% Adore but lacking their usual full-body contact.  Unable to resist, Roy leaned in until his painted lips brushed her ear.

”Wanna fuck?”

Adore whipped her head around so fast that their noses barely missed colliding.  Under the cover of both of their wigs, her mouth fell open and she blinked rapidly.

”What-“

”Shhhhh!”

For once, Adore actually listened and pasted on a wide smile while talking through her teeth.

”What.  The fuck.  Willow?”

”Surprise, pussyface.”  As reluctant as he was to let go, they needed to separate before the length of their hug resulted in unwanted attention.

Holding onto his shoulders, she pushed him back to arms length.  

“Oh my gosh, I love you too!” she added a bit too loudly before firmly pulling him back in and pressing his face against her shoulder.  “Oh sweetie, don’t cry…”

Sure that he was leaving foundation on her bare skin, Roy nonetheless had to give her credit for fast thinking as she called out a “be right back!” to her staffer and maneuvered him behind the curtain at the back of the booth.  On the way, he caught a glimpse of the fans in line behind him, a mixture of envy and hero worship written over their expressions.

********

”What the fuck, Willow?” Adore repeated once they were alone in the narrow canvas-lined corridor between her booth and the one on the other side.  “You’re supposed to be in London!”

”You mean I can’t make a trip out to see my best girl?” He grinned, reveling in the shock.

”You…you’re…fuck!” she sputtered.

”That’s me.  In fact-“

Whatever he meant to say next was cut off as Adore crushed her lips against his, hands curved around his jaw.  He melted into the kiss for a moment before returning it with equal ferocity.  Their tongues met in a series of sloppy open-mouthed kisses, lipstick smearing as Roy bit at Adore’s full lower lip.  

“-fuck me,” she moaned into his mouth when they separated for air, eyes glazed over with passion.  “Missed you so much.”

”Missed you too.  You have no idea.”

Her gaze focused again as it traveled the length of his body.

”You look fucking hot as hell as me.”  Her hands caressed his exposed midsection, gliding down over his abs and the waistband of the fishnets.  “Holy fuck,” Adore groaned when she cupped him through the denim, “I can’t believe you’re wearing this.”

“They’re your shorts.”  It was the only thing his rapidly short-circuiting brain could think of, losing the ability to think as her fingers popped all three buttons with one pull and she stared hungrily at the thong barely containing his erection.

”I’m going to-“

”Adore?” The staffer’s head peeked around the curtain.  By some miraculous stroke of luck, her back was turned and body angled just so, concealing both her lustful stare and Roy’s open fly as she shoved his face back down onto her shoulder.  “Everything okay?”

”Yeah.” Her voice was shaky but firm.  “Give me a few?  We’re a little uhhh emotional right now…”

”Oh!  Of course.  Why don’t you take a break for a little while?  I can put the sign up for fifteen.”

Turning just enough to wink at the oblivious DragCon volunteer, Adore waved her thanks and waited until the curtain fell closed again before dragging Roy by the hand through the maze of metal supports and backdrops.  She didn’t stop until they were both safely behind a door marked Queens Only.  Glancing around quickly as she steered him into a corner, Roy realized that the much larger room had been partitioned into individual dressing room spaces.  He stumbled a little as she pushed him into one of the spaces, recognizing her beat up makeup cases.

The curtain closed with a snap behind her, and then she was backing him against the wall with a predatory expression.

”We’ve got ten minutes,” she murmured, the husky tone sending a bolt of lust straight to his balls.  “Which sucks, because I need to fuck you so bad right now.”

Roy’s head jerked to the side as the sound of rattling hangers came from the other side of one of the partitions.  “Adore-“

”Shut.  Up.”  Her mouth covered his again, fingers delving underneath fishnet and black elastic to grope his ass and squeeze his still-hard cock.  His own hands roamed over her in return, pinching a nipple through the gold star pasties and tugging the straps of her own thong.

“You know,” he tore himself free to whisper, “I can’t decide if the string up my ass is making me horny or if it’s the worst self-inflicted wedgie ever.”

”Fucking…B, if you don’t suck my cock now I’m going to bend you over this table.”

Adore looked every bit as serious as her threat sounded, and Roy sank to his knees, taking her pants down with him.  Mouthing the fabric straining over the head, he froze when a very familiar voice came through the curtain.

”Adore?  You in there?”  Raja sounded mellow as always, and a long-fingered hand pulled the curtain aside.  “I was wondering if you wanted to go have a- Oh, sorry!”

“Sort of busy right now.”

”I can see that,” Raja muttered.  “I’ll umm, why don’t I come by your booth later?”

”Yeah.” Adore’s hands kept his face pressed to her crotch, preventing Raja from glimpsing more than the top of his head.  

”…Danny.”  She turned to leave, but paused halfway.  Her voice was unexpectedly serious.

”…what?  I’m kind of in the middle of something.”

”Is he okay with this?”  Roy froze at the admonishing whisper.  While he was trying to be incognito, it wasn’t fair to let someone as perceptive as Raja worry about Adore’s behavior.  Tugging free from her restraining grip, he leaned around Adore’s hip.  

“He’s absolutely okay with this.” He smirked, watching Raja’s eyebrows fly up towards her hairline.  “But don’t tell anyone that.”

”Ahhh.  Good to see you, even if you’re not supposed to be here.”  Raja let the curtain slip back closed.  “You two better be careful,” she advised, “or else you know the rumors.  Carry on.”

In the silence as her footsteps receded, Roy sat back on his heels and met Adore’s crestfallen eyes.

”Well shit.  She’s right, you know, we probably shouldn’t be doing this here.”

”But-“

Roy hauled himself to his feet, brushing his fingers over her cheek.  

“Shh.  I want you just as bad, but I’m not going to start what we don’t have time to finish right now.”

Adore’s frustrated growl vibrated against his hand.  

“Fuck, I know.”

Reaching into the front pocket of his shorts, Roy pulled out a keycard and pressed it into her hand.

”Three ninety-six.  I’ll be there when you’re off the floor.”

”I’ve still got the runway show after.  Come see me?”  

“Wouldn’t miss it.  Now get out of here before someone else finds us.”

Adore pulled him into one last lingering kiss.

” ‘Kay.”

Tracing her lips with a finger, he cleared away the remnants of his lipstick on her mouth as best he could.  

“I’ll be waiting.”

TO BE CONTINUED?

[ninwrites]

find your strength

Pairing: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood

Words: 2523

Summary:

a quick study on magnus' perspective towards his birthday, with respect to his newfound mortality

-

Read on AO3 or below the cut xx

Birthdays have never held much weight for Magnus - it’s difficult, to consider it anything special, with the life he's led.

Every year he marks the date that Ragnor had chosen for him, December eight (because Ragnor always insisted that it was important to mark it, as an event, for the barest hope that he won’t get swept away by the ceaseless passing of time, that he’ll have some sort of anchor to hold onto), but he doesn’t go out of his way to celebrate it. He’s not like Ragnor, he can’t celebrate time as though it’s a gift, and he most certainly doesn’t need the reminder, of all the tragedy his existence has brought others, of all that time has taken away from him.

It’s more than a little jarring, for his birthday to come around with so much meaning, now that his immortality is gone, and the friend who’d brought him the day along with it.

Magnus wakes up to an empty bed, which seems pretty on-par for how he already feels about the day. There’s a small, foolish part of him that hopes it won’t set the tone, but he doesn’t have a lot of faith in it - he can’t.

A lot of his decisions are made in that vein of thought, these days. He can’t afford to be careless, can’t take risks the same way that he used to, because there’s no safety net to catch him if he falls, no quick-fix for his mistakes.

It’s made him a lot more cynical - he’d thought he had already hit his peak, but it appears as though there’s another mountain after it, with nothing but clouds of pessimism before him.

There haven’t been many respective upsides to his new, mundane way of life; Alec, bless his beautiful heart is trying as best he can to help Magnus feel better, but there are some cold patches that not even his warmth can reach.

(Still. They say it is the thought that counts, and Alec’s dedication is almost as strong as his follow-through.)

There’s a slight rap on the door, a two-knuckled knock that allows Magnus a few seconds to pull himself up into a sitting position before Alec is poking his head around the corner, tousled hair in disarray, a hesitance to his gaze.

“Good morning,” Alec smiles, and it’s like the break of the sun’s rays through stormy dark clouds, splitting and warm. “I wasn’t sure if you’d be awake.”

Magnus shrugs his left shoulder, running a hand through his tangled bed-hair. He misses the ease of the most simplest tasks the most, he’s discovered. The ability to fix even the slightest inconvenience with just a quick snap of his fingers-

“Surprise.” Magnus doesn’t force a smile, just lets it sit, distant but there .

He knows that he couldn’t get through this without Alec, and it’s that knowledge that makes the sacrifice worth it; he’d do it all over again, without question.

(He’d go to unthinkable lengths for Alec.)

“I thought the surprises were supposed to be up my sleeve.” Alec comments, crossing the room. “This is your day.”

“Can’t we share it?”

Alec shakes his head, fondness lighting him up like his atoms are made of affection. “Afraid not.”

He leans in, cupping Magnus’ cheek and kissing him, patient and soft, from one corner of his mouth to the other. “Happy birthday,” he whispers, pressing another kiss to Magnus’ cheek. “Thank you for being born.”

Magnus curls his hand around Alec’s wrist. “You say that as though I had a choice in the matter.”

“It doesn’t matter to me - just that it happened.” Alec drops another kiss, this time to Magnus’ temple, an aching tenderness to the touch. “I love you.”

Magnus rests his forehead against Alec’s. “If you really loved me, you’d get back into bed - that position can’t be too comfortable for a giant such as yourself.”

“I’m supposed to be cooking you breakfast.” Alec murmurs, his gaze hooded - he skips over the giant comment, and Magnus isn’t sure if he should feel grateful; it’s meant to poke fun, for Alec is quite clearly not a giant, nor even that much taller than Magnus, but it wasn’t carried by all that much humour.

“Then again, it was also supposed to be a surprise.” Alec admits, after a moment, his voice just above a whisper.

“Burning down my kitchen is a peculiar gift, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

Alec hums, a slip of laughter escaping between his parted lips. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. Breakfast is actually something I can cook pretty well, I used to do it for Izzy and Jace all the time. Training with an empty stomach never ends well.”

Magnus tips his head back, looping his arms around Alec’s neck. “Now you’ve spiked my curiosity. What did you have in mind?”

Alec grins, opening his eyes slowly, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Ah, now that I can still keep a surprise.” He kisses Magnus again, relaxed and measured, before pulling back. There’s something, more than just kindness in his gaze, more than just consideration to the tugged-up corner of his smile. “I know that birthdays have never been a highlight for you - they’re not my favourite events, either. But this is the first time I get to celebrate with you, and I … I want to make this a good day, if you’ll let me. But only if you’ll let me.”

Magnus’ heart aches for how much he loves this wonderful man before him; it’s impossible and undeniable, all the same. “Breakfast sounds lovely.”

Alec nods, and Magnus thinks that he would have agreed even if he wasn’t hungry - Alec needs something to do, a task to focus on, to pour all of his energy into, and even something as everyday as making breakfast appears to put more iron in his veins, strength and determination taking over from his worry.

He does that, a lot. Worry. About Magnus, especially, now that he’s magic-less. Mundane. Empty.

It’s sweet, if a little overbearing at times, but Magnus knows that is just Alec’s nature - he needs to feel useful, to help wherever he can. If making breakfast makes him feel like he’s doing something, then it’s hardly a chore for Magnus to indulge him; after all, ensuring that Alec is okay is pretty much all that Magnus has the energy to care about, these days.

There’s a stranger in the mirror.

His skin is pale, his cheeks sunken, his mouth a tight, thin line, a shadow in the background of his gaze, flickering and dark. There’s no cat-eye slit, no gold, no spark. Just a plain, normal brown. Nothing extraordinary, nothing special, nothing magic .

Magnus doesn’t recognise the man in the mirror, though they wear the same face, and move the same way. It’s been a month - or, maybe two, time is slippery these days - but he can’t seem to reconcile his new life with who he’s always been.

Alec seems certain that he’ll get his magic back, one day. Catarina insists that he’s mourning what he’s lost; both agree that he’s going through a period of inevitable grief. Yet, neither of them, in their infinite wisdom, have ever been as critical towards Magnus as he is.

Pity is easy. It’s maintaining faith, in himself, most of all, that’s the hardest - being a warlock is all he has ever known, and even with all of the trouble it’s brought him, all of the near-death experiences, the passing of his mother, the countless losses he’s endured … his magic is everything. Or, it was .

It is, he believes, the worst loss he’s ever experienced; in a way, a part of him has died, and he has to learn how to begin again, how to exist without this vital part of himself. It’s exhausting, in more ways than one, and Magnus is losing out on hope that he’ll ever return to any semblance of who he used to be.

He wants to, because living as a ghost is no life to live - he just, doesn’t have the same fire anymore. Not even his many years of experience have taught him how to deal with this new life he’s found himself in.

Celebrating his birthday feels like going through the motions of somebody else, somebody he’s expected to be, not who he truly is - but, then, Alec is putting so much energy and love into this that Magnus can’t find the strength to admit it.

If nothing else, this will at least be a good day, because Alec is here, and he’s smiling, and those are two of Magnus’ favourite things in the world.

“See? No smoke.”

Alec looks so immensely proud of himself, with his whisk-taker apron, an old gift from Isabelle he’d recently dug up, tied around his waist. It’s hard not to smile.

“I’m very impressed.” Magnus tugs his robe closer, part of him wishing it would serve as a binding to keep himself together as well. “So, what is on the menu?”

Alec nods towards the table, which is laden with immeasurable goods. “Croissants, both almond and chocolate, from Elsie’s; raspberry and white chocolate mini-muffins that I made yesterday; and blueberry pancakes with maple syrup. And coffee, of course.”

“Best not to forget the most important part,” Magnus acknowledges, in a distant voice, too swept up in pure awe.

Alec did all of this … for Magnus.

“Alexander, this is - too much.” Magnus’ hands tremble against his abdomen. “You didn’t have to go to all of this effort just for me.”

“I was in the mood for pancakes.” Alec winks, but his carefree attitude doesn’t last long, his grin fading into something more melancholy, but no less sincere. “I wanted to do this for you, Magnus. You deserve this - you deserve everything. I’m just trying to give you what I can.”

Magnus shakes his head, an undeniable lightness soaring within him. “You, my love, are all I need.”

Alec’s cheeks burn a fervent pink, but he doesn’t back down, either. “So, I went to all of this effort for nothing?”

Magnus glances at the spread of breakfast foods, ignoring the tiny pang in his chest. Relationships take effort, a tiny voice whispers in the echoes of his dark mind.

“Not at all.” Magnus summons a smile, and by some grace of the universe, it doesn’t fail him. “Alexander, this is wonderful, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this.”

Alec shrugs, running a hand through his messy hair. “It’s your birthday. This was the least that I could do.”

“You say that as though it isn’t a respectable feat,” Magnus nods towards the table. “For the organisation required, if nothing else. It means a lot to me, Alexander. Thank you.”

“Well,” Alec busies himself at the coffee machine, the low whir serving as background noise for his floundering. “I’m glad you - appreciate, it.”

Magnus walks towards Alec slowly, not wanting him to be spooked, yet also not being able to withstand the distance for much longer. He loops his arms around Alec’s waist, tucking his head against Alec’s neck, drawing what little strength he can from the surety of Alec’s shoulders and the warmth that radiates off him.

Alec gives Magnus the sense that he can take on the world, when he barely has the energy to even get out of bed. And then he makes breakfast .

“Hi,” Alec whispers, slipping Magnus’ ‘M’ mug onto the metal tray. “You’re very affectionate this morning, you haven’t even had any breakfast, yet.”

Magnus drops a kiss to the hinge of Alec’s jaw. “Did you lace it with a love potion or something?”

“As if I know anybody that would give me one of those,” Alec quirks an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth lifting up in a tiny smirk. “I’m just trying to figure out what has gotten you so - cuddly.”

He doesn’t mention that Magnus used to be touchy, before, much more than this, that he’s always been the more tactile partner in this relationship - he doesn’t mention any of it, but he doesn’t have to.

Magnus is re-learning how to touch, without the buzz of energy under his skin, the zap on contact, the warmth that sparks when his magic recognises the person he’s touching - he’s learning how to push past the emptiness, how to keep it from dragging him under the weight of his own sadness.

This is a big step, and he hates that it’s such an accomplishment for him to hug his own boyfriend, but he’s also not going to ignore the fact that it is, for him, quite the milestone.

“I’ve missed you,” Magnus explains. “ This. Us, in this way. I know that I haven’t-“

Alec’s hand curls over Magnus where it rests against Alec’s hip. “You haven’t been through just an ordinary bad day, you’ve had your entire sense of being stripped away. You don’t owe me, or yourself, or anybody else anything , okay? You set the pace, and I’ll follow as closely as you want.”

“I always want you right beside me,” Magnus murmurs, burrowing his face against Alec’s cheek. “I'm just worried that I might be … holding you back. Holding us, back.”

Alec gently nudges Magnus’ shoulder, turning in his arms until they’re facing each other, his hands coming up to wrap around Magnus’ neck. Magnus, after a few hesitant and heavy seconds, rests his hands on Alec’s waist, his fingers bunched up in the fabric of his black t-shirt.

“Magnus.” Alec’s gaze skitters across Magnus’ face, his sincerity strong enough to drown in. “I love you, and nothing is ever going to change that - what you’re going through is awful, and I won’t pretend that I know what it’s like because I don’t , but I can promise that I’ll be here to help you in whatever way you need. This is an obstacle, probably the biggest one you’ve ever had to overcome, but still an obstacle - you’ll get through this, because you’re the strongest person I know, and far bigger than anything that wants to keep you down.”

Alec strokes his thumb against the curve of Magnus’ ear, his cuffs long since locked away with the rest of his jewelry. “All the same, it’s okay if it’s not easy. It’s okay if you don’t want to get out of bed, if you hate the world, if you want to invent a time machine just to go back before everything went wrong - that’s okay. It doesn’t mean that you’re going backwards, or going stale or anything like that.”

Alec’s smile turns wry, and a little deprecating. “It just makes you human. Sorry, it kinda sucks, sometimes.”

Magnus shrugs, his hands tightening their grasp. “It’s not all that bad, I suppose. I’ve got you by my side, after all. Things could be a lot worse.”

Admitting it aloud lets a slow realisation sink in; being human, as Alec put it, is his new normal, and things could really be a hell of a lot worse.

He still has Alec by his side, and with that support behind him, he can do anything.

[anneapocalypse]

[RvB 16.10] Tucker and the Post-Protagonist Problem

So I want to talk about Tucker’s characterization in seasons 15 and 16 (henceforth “Joe’s Tucker” for brevity’s sake), and how it relates to Tucker’s characterization prior.

I uh, realize this is a divisive issue, and you might not agree with my take on this and that’s fine—I am not here trying to ruin something for you that you like, or to force you to like something that you don’t. How characterization lands for us is subjective in a lot of ways. I just want to talk about where it lands for me, and I have some thoughts both positive and critical about characterization both past and present. And as I have a lot of ground to cover, this is going to be a long one.

A lot of the takes I’ve seen center around the idea that Tucker’s season 16 characterization—in fact, much of the tone and style of season 16 generally—is a return to the tone and style of the Blood Gulch Chronicles. I have seen this raised both as a positive and as a negative.

So let’s talk about Blood Gulch.

Tucker’s Character Arc

Let’s talk about how Blood Gulch sets Tucker on the path he will follow for the next decade.

Tucker’s hypersexualization, as the first and one of very few canonically black characters on this show, is not a problem that started with Joe. It’s a problem that’s been there, has always been there, and it’s kind of too late to retroactively fix it at this point.

You can’t go back and unwrite Tucker’s personality. What you can do is make Tucker a more complex character by developing other aspects of his personality, and that, I would argue, has been going on as far back as season 3, when he finds the sword and embarks on the Great Journey. Is Tucker’s arc in Blood Gulch goofy and weird? Yeah, absolutely, but he does have one.

Blood Gulch is a story about failure and yet Tucker is the exception that proves the rule—he ends up being the only person in Blood Gulch who actually succeeds. Church fails to protect Tex, Tex fails to kill Omega and fails to complete her final mission, York fails to help Tex complete her mission and then dies, Wyoming fails his mission and also dies, O’Malley fails to take over the universe, Doc fails at being a medic on every conceivable level, Caboose (if season 6 is any indication) fails to make Church his best friend, Simmons fails to gain Sarge’s respect, Sarge fails to kill even a single dirty Blue, Donut’s teammates more or less shut him down every time he speaks, Sister isn’t really there long enough to have a goal, Grif… well, to say that Grif fails would imply that he is trying to accomplish something in the first place, so we’ll let that one go. (I guess if you really wanted to, you could say Andy succeeds at exploding, so… that’s a freebie, you can have that one.)

But Tucker succeeds in multiple ways. He finds a special object and goes on a quest and gives birth to Alien Jesus. (Despite the apparent failure of the Great Journey, its true purpose ends up being fulfilled.) I think Tucker is in fact the only Blood Gulch character to actually defeat an enemy, when he permakills Wyoming!

And Tucker continues to grow in the Recollections arc. The ambassador gig might’ve started out simply as an explanation for his absence in season 6, and his desert predicament a way to bring him back to the story while moving the rest of the characters to a new map. But it also had the effect of adding a whole lot to Tucker’s character: new responsibilities, his relationship with his son, his ability to think on his feet and hold his own against a whole team of enemies trying to kill him. Fulfilling the Great Prophecy was not something Tucker chose. But in Recollections we see an increasingly proactive Tucker.

I want to stress two things here: first, that all of these things happen long before Chorus, and second, that none of this undermines Tucker’s established personality in any way. He’s still a lighthearted character who likes to crack jokes and make innuendos and flirt with girls, and generally doesn’t take his situation too seriously, including his “dumb job.” But that attitude also doesn’t undermine his capability, nor does it stop him from coming out on top.

In present-day season 10, while Carolina drags the Reds and Blues around the map, she gets pushback from pretty much all of them—for very good reasons. But it’s Tucker and Epsilon who take the lead in trying to get more information from Carolina—eavesdropping, prodding her for the details of her mission directly, and finally sending Epsilon to go undercover and try to figure her out. I don’t think it’s by chance that at the end, when the Reds and Blues finally turn on Carolina, it’s Tucker she pulls a gun on, rather than Grif or even Sarge. Tucker’s not the first or the only one to stand up to her, but his persistence combined with his capability does make him the most obvious threat to her control.

Tucker’s character progression has been a strong, consistent arc from Blood Gulch to Recollections to present-day season 10 to the Chorus Trilogy. The person Tucker becomes on Chorus is the culmination of a ten-year character arc, and the change Tucker undergoes on Chorus is not that he becomes capable. He was always capable. Wash sees that in him in season 11, and says so very clearly.

“You're a capable soldier, Tucker. At least compared to your usual acquaintances. You just need to try.”

Tucker grows into his capability on Chorus because his environment drastically changes. He is thrown into a real war with real stakes. He must rise to the challenges before him because to fail means to see real people die—his old friends, his new acquaintances, and the de facto team leader he has begun to regard with a grudging respect. This is important: Tucker’s arc on Chorus and specifically his arc in season 12 is about coming to recognize the stakes of the conflict—understanding that a wrong decision in this context will get people killed. He learns this the hard way, but the lesson sinks in fast, and Felix takes full advantage of that to goad and manipulate Tucker. Even after successfully reuniting with Wash and the others captured by the Feds, Tucker continues to struggle with insecurities brought to the surface by his experiences with the New Republic.

(I say “brought to the surface,” not “created,” because Tucker’s insecurities also do not materialize fully formed for the first time on Chorus, but we’ll come back to that later.)

I am not saying that Tucker’s rise to protagonist status was always planned, but I am saying that Miles chose him for a reason. Tucker’s capability in the Chorus arc is not an eleventh-hour add-on to his character. It’s always been there. Always.

“Dude, I'm kind of a badass all the time. You guys just happened to notice it then.”

Joe’s Tucker

You know what else has been there the whole time? Tucker’s insecurity.

This is an aspect of Tucker’s characterization this season that I like: the desire for approval. I think that’s consistent characterization; I think that’s been there since Blood Gulch and it was definitely there on Chorus, both in Tucker’s conflicts with Epsilon and in his growing respect for Wash.

I’ve written before about how I think a lot of the tension between Epsilon and Tucker comes from the fact that Epsilon doesn’t respect Tucker and regularly insults and demeans him--which frankly reflects far more poorly on Epsilon than it does on Tucker, but that’s another post. Wash, on the other hand, challenges Tucker because he sees him as capable, and Tucker responds, not only by growing into his own capability, but by coming to trust Wash in turn (“Wash will know what to do”) and coming to him for advice when he’s feeling down about decisions he’s made.

“Sis and Tuc’s Sexcellent Adventures” more serves to highlight Tucker’s inexperience back in Blood Gulch than it reflects on present Tucker, and that really doesn’t bother me. I am absolutely down for fumbling and inexperienced Blood Gulch Tucker versus the fucking character assassination season 14 attempted on him--yeah, let’s not get into that. Point is, nothing about Tucker’s adventures with Kaikaina early in this season has bothered me. Given the choice to see Tucker as insecure and posturing versus actively sexually irresponsible or predatory, I will take the former every time.

However. I can’t bring that up without also bringing up the “You’ve been served” gag from season 15. The implications of the Tower of Procreation are a messy can of worms that I really don’t want to get into here, so let’s assume for the sake of the argument that Joe at least intended that to be a basically consensual situation. Making Tucker suddenly an absentee/irresponsible father still feels like kind of a kick in the teeth, invoking some hardly-benign racial stereotypes and kind of spitting on Tucker’s established love for Junior--a child who was, by the way, conceived in a completely non-consensual manner of which Tucker was the victim, and whom Tucker nevertheless loved and accepted as his own once Junior was born.

Tucker was arguably the best father in Red vs. Blue, so uh. Undermining that piece of characterization 15 years in? That sucks. I don’t know how else to say it. It’s not as bad as “Fifty Shades of Red” trying to make him a statutory rapist, but it’s not great.

But let’s talk about some of the other beats Tucker hits in these recent seasons.

I laid out most of my thoughts on season 15 in my big fat RvB15 post so I’m going to try not retread too much of that here. I’ve said there and elsewhere that I think “Previously On” and “Reacts” are among the strongest episodes of season 15. Joe’s character writing really shines there across the board. Setting aside the Temple of Procreation business, Tucker hits several familiar beats in these episodes, most notably his insistence that Epsilon is Church (Tucker never really seems to draw a hard distinction between Epsilon and Alpha and I’ve argued before that this contributes to some of their tension on Chorus) and his looking up to Wash.

These episodes also introduce a new beat for Tucker that returns in “Nightmare on Planet Evil” and pays off late in the season, and that’s Tucker’s protectiveness of Caboose. Tucker and Caboose have had a tense relationship more or less from day one, each of them clearly seeing the other as competition for Church’s attention (though Caboose certainly takes that to an extreme, and his bias against Tucker probably also contributes to the way Epsilon treats him). It actually makes a lot of sense that following Church’s death, their shared grief might bring them together, and a real friendship might develop at last. Tucker helping Caboose to understand that Church is really gone is good development for both characters and it’s planted and paid off very effectively throughout the season.

Tucker’s relationship with Carolina likewise gets some good development throughout season 15, from Carolina joining the band on the moon (and singing so good), to Tucker helping her to her feet in the end sequence.

There are some moments of weirdness in Tucker’s dialogue (“me and Carolina and the Blues” comes to mind), but overall, when it comes to his relationships, Tucker hits some strong beats in season 15, both carrying forward established relationships and building on them.

And I think in a lot of ways, this remains true in season 16. Tucker and Kaikaina’s adventures have mostly surprised me in a good way. I like what they’ve added to canon both past and present. I love the serious moment the two of them share--ironically, a serious moment about how they both wish shit could be a little less serious, certainly an understandabl sentiment for both of them. It’s an important moment of continuity for Tucker after the mishaps of season 15, and it’s a nice further window into Kai’s entrepreneurial ventures.

The cyclops episode is absolutely goofy, but it’s goofy in a way that gives us some classic Tucker--both his capability and his sense of humor. That he defeats the cyclops by punching it in the ball, in a wacky action sequence complete with some well-placed innuendo, I’d say brings together those aspects of Tucker pretty damn well. If I had to pick an episode that embodies that whole callback to the Blood Gulch spirit, and Tucker in Blood Gulch specifically, I’d probably pick that one.

The thing to note about this episode is that its absurdity in no way undermines Tucker’s capability or the more complex understanding of the world he has grown into over time. I have no major complaints with this episode.

Let me say it again for those in the back row: the Blood Gulch tone is not itself a problem and does not, in and of itself, undermine anyone’s character growth.

However.

(You knew there was a however.)

There are a few specific instances where I think Tucker’s characterization weakens in these recent seasons--in ways that have nothing to do with tone.

Again, I don’t want to rehash too much discussion of season 15, but I know I was not the only one a bit discontented with Tucker’s role in the plot. Like I said, I think Tucker has plenty of great moments in 15. His role in the story, however, seems mostly to be to step aside to let the plot happen, and then to act as ineffectively as possible to make sure things are allowed to escalate. I wrote about this in my season 15 essay as well, how not allowing the Reds and Blues to be suspicious also weakens Temple as villain because it seems like sheer dumb luck rather than his own cleverness that no one catches onto him, how weird it is for Tucker to trust a stranger given his past experiences, etc. Most of this comes down to narrative issues, I think, and making Dylan the protagonist; it affects Tucker most noticeably but it’s not limited to him.

It’s Tucker going full LEEROY JENKINS that really feels like kind of an insult to his established characterization. It’s not just Chorus Tucker who is good at coming up with tactics on the fly and figuring a way out of a tight spot. He does that at the temple in Recollections. He figures out how to defeat a time-distorting Wyoming in Blood Gulch.

And as I’ve said before, you can come up with reasons why Tucker is off his game in season 15. Grief and the possibility of Church being alive is probably right at the top of that list.

But I do want to raise again the most important lesson Tucker learned on Chorus, and that’s the difficulty of making tough calls in a high-stakes situation. I don’t think Tucker making a bad call in the fight against the Blues and Reds would even be a problem if we saw Tucker consciously struggling to make that call, instead of just running out half-cocked. Instead, he acts impulsively and someone gets gravely hurt because of it, and then Tucker feels bad about it.

That’s not new character development, that’s Tucker’s season 12 arc, again. Kind of like how a villain from the past with a grudge against Carolina for the loss of someone they loved isn’t a new concept, it’s just Carolina’s season 13 arc, again. You can make it make sense in universe, but it still feels derivative. Callbacks to the tone, humor, and style of earlier seasons is fine. Cannibalizing past seasons for plot, and retreading character arcs instead of moving them forward, is not a good look.

It looks like you just didn’t know what to do with these characters, so you did something that had already been done.

And I can respect, in light of some of that criticism of season 16, that Joe is really trying to do something with The Shisno Paradox that hasn’t been done. Regardless of how this season ends, and how this new arc ends up landing for me as a whole, I can and will respect that.

Which brings us at last… to Camelto, and my take on why this episode in particular rubs me the wrong way when it comes to Tucker.

No one could call this scenario derivative of past seasons--and upon further consideration, I don’t even think I’d call it regressive--because this Tucker doesn’t really resemble Blood Gulch Tucker or any other Tucker. I mean, sure, the hypersexualization is there, as is the insecurity. But there’s a big difference between posturing and threatening to murder people who insult your sexual prowess.

And you can say I’m taking the King Arthur shenanigans too seriously, but I do find something kind of jarring about Tucker casually sending a whole army to their deaths when he’s had a major character arc based around taking the stakes of war and human lives seriously. Yeah, in a meta context, the time travel shenanigans are meant to be funny, and they’re mostly closed loops so it doesn’t really feel like anyone is actively killing anyone who wasn’t historically going to die anyway. But from an in-universe perspective, it’s kind of uncomfortably callous. (You know, the kind of callous disregard for human life that was played dead fucking straight last season when it was Carolina doing it anyway moving on.)

So, setting aside the attitude toward death, for me the whole tone of this episode with Tucker tips just over the line from “posturing and it’s funny” into “aggressively desperate to reaffirm his sexual prowess and it’s kind of pathetic and uncomfortable.” And that is not the feeling I’m used to getting from Tucker. It starts to feel a little bit mean-spirited, and coupled with the earlier episode about Tucker’s sexual missteps (which, on its own, I enjoyed), I start to feel like we’re more just dumping on Tucker, rather than giving him character development. It’s uncomfortable for me in the same way the back half of season 10 gleefully punishing and humiliating Carolina was uncomfortable for me.

And I did not feel that way last season. I felt like Tucker was kind of getting pushed around by the dictates of The Plot, and thus wasn’t allowed to be his best or most interesting self. But I didn’t feel like we were deliberately devoting entire episodes to making him look stupid.

And that’s what this feels like to me.

Taken as a whole, Joe’s Tucker has been… kind of all over the place. I can’t really characterize it one way, because it’s been a lot of things. At points I think it’s quite good, and at other points I’ve found it frustrating--in different ways.

We’re still mid-season, so I’m not ready to pass final judgment yet--this episode could end up being an outlier and if so I won’t lose sleep over it. I think I’ll forgive a lot if we just get a bit of Tucker being capable in a plot-relevant way--it doesn’t have to be a major way. He’s not the protagonist of this season, Grif is, and now that they’ve teamed up I think, and hope, that we’ll have a chance to see Tucker play a stronger supporting role.

The Post-Protagonist Problem

Lest I come down too hard on Joe, I want to point out that this fumble is not unique to either Joe or Tucker.

In what I’m going to call the “Post-Protagonist Problem,” Church, Wash, and Carolina all suffer from similar problems once their main arcs are over.

Alpha’s arc wraps up pretty effectively in season 6, but Epsilon has his own arc spanning seasons 8-10. Your mileage may vary but I find Epsilon utterly obnoxious in season 12, and I think there’s a reason for this beyond how needlessly mean he is to Tucker: he is still trying to be the main character two seasons after his main arc has ended, and thus he ends up actively fighting Tucker for the protagonist spot, and bogarting every scene he’s in.

Wash really has two main arcs that kind of fuse into one: his Recollections arc, bracketed by Freelancer and present-day season 10. You could argue that season 11 is really the culmination of Wash’s main arc, because it’s there that he truly settles into his place on Blue Team, ultimately sacrificing himself for them, even though he doesn’t die. From season 12 on, Wash doesn’t really have an arc—his interactions with Locus serve Locus’s development far more than they serve his own, and his role in the conclusion of the Chorus storyline is pretty secondary. In season 15, Wash has no active role in the plot except to get shot, and season 16—well, the verdict is still out, but his role so far has been fairly passive. (And the continuity of Wash’s characterization is fairly contentious in itself, but that’s another post. Oh boy, is that another post. We’ll get to you, Wash. We’ll get to you.)

Carolina’s main arc wraps up in season 10, she is hastily escorted offscreen for a season and half, and when she does return, it’s mostly to carry Epsilon around and say and do very little otherwise—she even gets nerfed immediately upon return. The only reason we got a Carolina mini-arc in season 13 is because fans expressed disappointment at her sidelining in 12, and Miles took note. It is also worth noting that:

Carolina’s season 13 arc has nothing to do with Chorus, does very little to advance the main plot, and does nothing to develop Carolina’s relationships with the main cast and in fact actively removes her from them for large chunks of the season.

Carolina’s role in season 15’s plot, though not an arc for her, is pretty much a retread of her season 13 arc with a different villain.

What this all adds up to is I think that Red vs. Blue in general, not just Joe Nicolosi, has trouble figuring out what to do with a character once their run as a protagonist has ended—and that’s kind of a shame, because it’s not like most of us wants these characters to go away. At least, I don’t.

There’s nothing wrong with a character taking a secondary role once their main arc is complete. But that secondary role shouldn’t discard established character development. A character’s shouldn’t have to regress simply because they’re not driving the plot. There are ways to offer follow-up to previous character development without placing a character back in the protagonist spot.

I’d argue that some of Wash’s strongest character beats post-season 10 are the ones that develop his mentor relationship to Tucker. I think both Carolina and Wash would benefit from developing their connection with each other post-Freelancer. It doesn’t have to be front and center or take up a lot of a screentime, it’s just a way to maintain emotional continuity for both characters in the background of the plot (and it can still be relevant to the plot--imagine if Carolina and Wash’s season 15 talk on the beach were about Epsilon instead of York).

Likewise, there are plenty of ways to explore both Tucker’s fun-loving flirt personality and his insecurities without feeling either regressive or mean-spirited.

I think you can have fun with a former protagonist as a secondary character while still offering up some emotional continuity through relationship development while letting plot development mostly take a backseat. I think Joe was almost there with Tucker and Kaikaina’s subplot this season--like, really close. Tucker can be silly. He can be insecure. Just don’t outright disregard the lessons he’s already learned so he can be made to learn them all over again. And do let him show his confidence and capability now and then.

[radiqueer]

I’ve been trying to figure out how to contribute to the “born this way” conversation, but I’m not fully sure how to articulate my ideas. For me I feel like my identity... like I feel I was “born this way” like I’ve had intermittent dysphoria for as long as I can remember. But also as far as mspec labels go I could ID as pan, or poly, or Omni, but I’ve always felt bi fits and that’s the identity I choose. My partner tho, feels that they, more than anything, chose to be bi (1/2)

My partner feels that they had no inclination towards being anything other than a straight man until well into their thirties, when, due to a lot of factors, they decided any company was good company and decided to see if they liked being with men. They had a good experience, and they feel they could have left it at that but CHOSE to continue to pursue their attraction to men, and then much more recently, in doing their own research about gender identity and being around me (2/3 oops)

They chose to question their gender identity (which as of right now is inconclusive), and my partner feels happy as a bi questioning person, but also felt happy as a straight man and could have remained so but chose to be happy a different way. Idk it’s complicated/messy and I don’t really get it but it’s how my partner feels and I believe them. And then Political lesbianism is a thing. Idk it’s hard for me to wrap my head around I wish I could contribute more. It’s def not one size fits all tho

this makes a ton of sense, thanks for sharing!

I feel like - in a lot of ways, being queer and identifying as queer changed me as a person. it changed everything, from the way I think about and approach new topics, the way I see myself and the world, my politics, my tastes in books and art. queerness is fundamental to me, but I can conceive not being queer. if I didn’t know it was an option to identify this way, if I didn’t grow in a home that encouraged me to question and pursue new avenues, I would be a different person. and I cannot with any certainty say that I would definitely identify as queer at some point, if not at 14 then at 17, 19, 25, 40. I think I am happier for being queer, because it is relieving to share an experience and a community (things which have been difficult for me in the past) with people who love and support me. I like having a voice and an opinion on issues. I like my politics. I don’t like being discriminated against, but who does?

there are so many ways to have a fluid identity. you can be the same person all your life with the same experiences and label yourself differently over time. like your partner. one could be happy in one’s assigned roles but happier in a different set that they sought out and choose (kudos to your partner for keeping an open mind and allowing themselves to be happy in a non-normative way, btw), you can have a fluid identity that changes with time, you can be one thing and identify as another, you can refuse a labels on principle, you can be a political lesbian (or it’s equivalents, I suppose? I don’t know if we have something analogous to political lesbianism in other queer subgroups. I think certain parts of the ace community are the closest we’ve come) 

the problem is the idea that there’s only one way to be and feel about queerness and identity and labels. which, IME, is what the BTW crowd seeks to do - normalise us because we are an expression of naturally occurring human diversity. we deserve equality because we are people, just slightly different, and we didn’t choose to be this way any more than you did. it’s not our fault! give us some money! [/s]

people who are written over by this narrative, in no particular order:

questioning people who don’t even know whether they’re straight - they may or may not be

nb people who are often told we are special snowflakes, a symptoms of the excesses of liberal/left wing politics. that we wouldn’t exist if not for the internet [true of me if not for you / ymmv]

bisexual and mspec people

people with fluid identities

people who choose to present a certain way

political [orientation]

people who are choosing to not labels themselves out of fear

people whose identity is informed by trauma

etc

the problem is the dichotomy that seems to be essential to this debate - that you can only have one or the other, that people on one side keep trying to erase the opposing narrative. I frankly don’t know. I’ve only been a part of this debate for a few months and all my thoughts about BTW are informed by personal experience and what I have stumbled across on tumblr. not a comprehensive start by any means. but ime it’s always the BTWs who are trying to shove differing narratives away, and not the choicers. maybe @korrasera and i have different experiences! in fact, I think we have very different experiences 

The problem I’m trying to highlight, the whole reason I made this post, is that I’ve never seen someone suggest that only BTW is valid. In fact, the only times I’ve ever seen people discussing BTW was to specifically suggest that we have to do whatever we can to erase it as an idea because they perceive it as being inherently exclusionary, as though the existence of people who were BTW meant that people could not be queer, gay, lesbian, or trans without having been born in that state. I think it’s a reasonable assumption to consider such intentions as being somewhat noble, since they’re meant to criticize and deconstruct social constructs of legitimacy, but I literally never see the topic raised without it being ‘let’s get rid of the idea that BTW people exist, it’s not true and it hurts the cause’. 

[emphasis added all mine; taken from this post]

I have a different experience. I’ve seen BTW discussed as the only right way to be, and not only by exclusionists (I wouldn’t be able to find receipts on this - I remade my blog recently, and lost all my likes and the people I was following). even when I talk to people irl, I’m forced to resort to a narrative I don’t have any stake in to get my point across, a narrative that doesn’t help me. it’s frustrating and alienating. and I still don’t think we should do away with BTW. I think we make room for people like me to exist and talk, and define clearly what it means so more people can figure out whether or not they fit.

I read around some while I was writing this post, so here’s some stuff tangential but essential to my thoughts:

this post about the relationship of radfems to what constitutes essential womanhood

this post by the same user about why some people may choose a certain labels

another post by the same user

this post, which possibly everyone has read, but I was thinking about this part (emphasis mine)

My girlfriend Marna has been a queer activist since the late 80s. She’s told me about the incredible deliberation and debates LGBTQ+ activists had, in the late 90s and early 00s as the community began to see past the AIDS crisis and immediate goals of “surviving a plague” and “burying our dead.” There were a lot of things we wanted to achieve, but we had to decide how to allocate our scarce reserves of money, labour, publicity, and public goodwiil. Those were the discussions that decided the next big goals we’d pursue were same-sex marriage equality and legal recognition of medical gender transition.

From hearing her tell it, it seems like it was actually a wrenching decision, because it absolutely left a lot of people in the dust. A lot of people, her included, had broad agendas based on sexual freedom and the rights of people to do whatever they wanted with their bodies and consenting partners—and they agreed to put their broader concerns aside and drill down, very specifically, onto the rights of cis gays and lesbians to marry, and the ability to legally change your sex and gender.

As a political tactic it was terrifically effective. […]

Activists of 20 years ago chose to sideline and diminish efforts to blur and abolish the gender binary. Efforts to promote alternative family structures, including polyamorous families and non-sexual bonds between non-related adults. Efforts to fight the Christian cultural message that sex is dirty, sinful, bad, and in need of containment. Efforts to promote sexual pleasure as a positive good.

I couldn’t tell you why these posts stuck out to me while I was writing this, but they do a better job, by and large, of contextualising what I’ve said here

[oscar-isaacs-number-one-bitch]

“Sicario: Day of the Soldado” Movie Review

Sicario: Day of the Soldado is the direct sequel to the 2015 critical hit Sicario, which was directed by Denis Villeneuve, and starred Emily Blunt, Benicio Del Toro, and Josh Brolin. With this film under the reigns of a new director (Stefano Solima), Brolin returns as Matt Graver, a CIA operative specializing in counter-terrorism against the Mexican drug cartels. When a harrowing bomb attack is carried out on Texan soil just near the border, the Secretary of Defense gives Graver the green light to hire a team of outside operatives in order to execute a specific mission: start a war between the cartels, and let the mess clean itself up. With a script by Taylor Sheridan, and Benicio Del Toro reprising his role as Alejandro, Day of the Soldado sets out to remind everyone that there are no good guys here; there are only survivors.

I was…apprehensive about this film, to say the least. Sicario was one of my favorite films of 2015, in large part because of Villeneuve’s unique touch on a relatively touchy subject: should the U.S. be allowed to operate with extreme prejudice in areas of the world where extreme prejudice already takes a toll on the population? Where must the line be drawn? Why do we have rules when carrying out foreign operations? Villeneuve’s film both introduced and answered most of those questions and the questions that spawned from those questions with one simple line from Del Toro’s character to Emily Blunt at the end of the film: “you’re not a wolf, and this is the land of wolves now.” Essentially, regardless of what the answer is to the question of the United States’ autonomy on foreign soil, the bottom line is that these operations happen, and the best course of action is not to remind one of their moral high ground, but to keep your head down and just get through it. If you can’t stomach it, don’t get near it, because you can’t stop it. (And yeah, having absolute knockout editing and immaculate cinematography from the legendary Roger Deakins didn’t hurt the film either).

This film aims to take Sicario’s central premise, and instead of putting Emily Blunt’s FBI agent Kate Macer into the crosshairs, substitutes her with two contrasting side plots involving children, examining the toll that this sort of war has on them and their overall psyches. Or at least, that’s supposedly the point…I think. It’s never really made explicitly clear what the theme of this particular installment in the Sicario franchise is supposed to be. And while films don’t necessarily need to make their messages explicit or even outright obvious, a little clarity probably would have helped here.

The first half or so of the film is all about Josh Brolin’s character carrying out the operation that starts the war between the drug cartels, with the start of the second act clearly beginning with the first mission inside that operation, and it seems like it’s mainly going to be about that; how does the U.S. influencing cartel operations actually effects the communities where those cartels reside, and will the CIA be able to handle it if things don’t go their way (i.e. interference from Mexican police or someone figuring out the double cross game)? But then the second half becomes something else, almost a transport/capture/rescue film wherein one of the most significant characters in the whole operation has to smuggle important cargo across the border in order to ensure its survival, and has to go rogue against the rest of the team to do it. That would be a fine twist, if it were that simple. Unfortunately, the film gets one too many side plots going, the one that saddles the film being a young boy getting involved with the cartels’ trade. That might have made for a good side story by itself, if it had actually affected more of the plot, but since the film already had a side story going involving a young girl being used as a pawn to start the cartel war that spawned off into a separate story, it really just feels a little bit convoluted and messy. It doesn’t ultimately break the film, but it is a case of one too many ingredients in an already fairly simple dish, and the overarching theme of the narrative gets buried a bit under the weight of the attention paid to it.

When I heard Taylor Sheridan was back to write, I was a little more relieved, since Sheridan’s talents have been put to spectacular use on such projects as Hell or High Water, Wind River (which he directed), and even the original Sicario (I haven’t started Yellowstone yet, but more on that soon). He is, no holds barred, outright one of the most significant writing talents of the decade and an absolute force to be reckoned with when it comes to taking realistic scenarios involving people who do the jobs that need to get done that no one else will do and highlighting (if not forcing an audience’s face down to look at) the darkest, most undesirable aspects of those jobs, especially where the “good guys” are really just survivors with a chip on their shoulders. And to be sure, Sheridan’s script is as sharp as ever. His dialogue moves back and forth between the actors naturally, and he has a great sense of where he wants the story to go in terms of narrative and character development, even if the theme does get a little lost.

The performances are excellent all around, with Josh Brolin getting more of the spotlight this time after Del Toro’s character kept stealing the show in every scene he had in the last movie. Brolin is magnetic as Graver, and you can tell he genuinely enjoys playing this part as a straightforward, no-nonsense, “get the job done” operative that he’s the best in the business at. As a character, Brolin seems even more at ease with Graver than he did with either Thanos or Cable, and that’s already some pretty strong pedigree of roles to exceed. Del Toro is also once again excellent as Alejandro, the absolute most lethal hitman on any screen, anywhere. He doesn’t get as much of a chance to shine in this one as one might like, but he plays the part like a champ and gets the most interesting character arc all the same, albeit lacking in the nuance or gravitas that his arc did in the first film. Even the kids (thought I’ve already addressed my issues with the narrative shortfalls of those characters) do really good work here. One feels that if Villeneuve had stuck around to direct the sequel, one of them might have gotten the chance to show off some true Oscar-caliber skills.

Villeneuve is not attached to this project though, and while director Stefano Solima’s take on the Sicario story may lack in narrative weight or more sensitive themes, he does an adequate job of placing and moving the camera in what seems like more of a tribute to Roger Deakins’ work than an emulation of it. He also has a great sense of place within what are some truly stellar action sequences that carry as much weight within their actual occurrences as the original Sicario did with the tension of the build-ups to those occurrences. It’s down-and-dirty, realistic, and most of all, brutal gunplay/warfare that truly drives these sequences home. I hesitate to call them “action,” sequences since they’re not really cut for blockbuster effect, and the sound design is biting and intense, but they are the only sequences where “action” happens in the film, so what are you gonna do?

On another note, the film’s third act is entirely too long, and there’s a relatively unbelievable thing that happens in it that’s supposed to introduce the finale, but it doesn’t really know how it wants to end until it just sort of does, and one wonders if they had about 4 separate endings, then just decided to put in all of them precisely because they needed to wrap up the one too many story threads they’d introduced. This, I’ve noticed, is becoming a trend among “good, not great” films: relatively weak third acts with good enough finales that forget to continue with the character developments and themes of the first two acts. Not every film has to follow a Blake Snyder three-act structure to the letter (we wouldn’t have some of the most interesting films we have today if they did), but it should always be clear what the overarching narrative and theme are meant to be, and with the third act of Day of the Soldado, that theme is fairly muddled up until a finale that feels half-baked.

All things considered, yes, Sicario: Day of the Soldado is a good movie (please don’t lose that), succeeding both as an action piece and as a character journey for the relationship between Brolin’s Matt Graver and Del Toro’s Alejandro. Unfortunately while it succeeds as a movie, it ultimately fails as a sequel, broadening the narrative just a bit too wide, and taking the most relatable character we had (Emily Blunt) out of the equation, to the effect of attempting to tell a darker story, without focusing on the darkness of the story. It’s still good enough that I would be interested in seeing a third (perhaps closing) chapter in a Sicario trilogy, but without Denis Villeneuve’s deft hands on the wheels of both theme and narrative, this installment strains under the weight of its trying to do too many things at once. Also (and I know this is a nitpick), Sicario: Day of the Soldado is way too clunky of a title. Like it’s the films it’s attached to, it’s not horrendously bad, but it would have been better as a simpler thing, without as much going on.

I’m giving “Sicario: Day of the Soldado” a 7.3/10

[jawnkeets]

hello sorry to disturb you lovely person but i was wondering if you had some advices to have a better literary analysis, or a better culture well, i mean how can i improve my literary intelligence basically ? ( it may not be really clear but i hope you'll understand because i feel like i'm lost... )

hello anon! no need to be sorry, ur not disturbing me at all :+) feel free 2 send an ask at any time ✨✨✨

i’ll attempt to answer this by splitting ur ask into 2 parts. first i’ll try to give some tips on literary analysis, and then i’ll try to talk about the sort of wider awareness of lit (or the culture as you call it).

a little disclaimer: pls bear in mind that i am by no means qualified to speak about this in any way (i still very much consider myself a learner). i’ve generally been left alone throughout my education to do my own thing, which is a good thing in some respects and a bad thing in others; i don’t have the solid foundations that most ppl do, never following things like paragraph structures throughout lower school, and i didn’t know a thing about metre until the start of this month. however, because of my education i think i’ve managed to avoid a few conventional pitfalls. so, in short, you can take as much or as little of this advice as you like!

PART 1: literary analysis

• an excellent way to boost your analysis straight away, dull as it is, is to learn some literary devices beyond, say, alliteration and personification. being able to spot things like chiasmus and epiphora not only wows an examiner, but also enables you to talk about more things within a poem/ book/ play and thus broadens your literary scope in close reading.• remember that for each literary device you mention you should say what it REVEALS (DO NOT just list!!!). the best essays move from a literary device to an explanation of why this device is used - what does it reveal about a character, the speaker, or even the society that the poet or author was writing in?• rhythm and meter in a poem tick boxes in an exam, but can also lead to insightful analysis. how do the rhythm and meter add to the overall message of the poem? does, for example, the metre give a regularity to the poem? why might this be? is it broken at any point? how is this significant?• the above can be applied to rhyme scheme, too. look out for rhyming couplets at the end of a poem, which may give a sense of finality to the poem (or may seem to give a sense of finality when in actuality the speaker of the poem is far from decisive…).• it is important to remember that a particular rhyme scheme (or metre) doesn’t ALWAYS mean anything; it can mean different things in different poems, so instead of applying a ready-made formula, try to go into the exam knowing how to identify these aspects of a poem and then try to work out why you think the poet has used them in that particular poem. flexibility is key, which can be daunting but also somewhat liberating.• i personally find a ‘scribble method’ quite useful. this is where, when first approaching a piece of writing, you write down everything that comes into your head, regardless of how messy, or how basic. you then sort through your ideas, expanding upon what you think is worthwhile and discarding what you think is not. this method is generally more handy when not under time pressure, though, as it can get you into a muddle in the exam.• start simple and build up. it can be tempting to jump straight in but sometimes when you start simply new things can reveal themselves as you work your way up into more complex ideas! • perspective is extremely useful to consider. who is speaking and why? are they biased or objective? who are they speaking to and why?

unseen exam tips

• in an exam, i would approach a poetry or prose extract first by simply reading it, and trying to find out what it is about. then i would go through and highlight words/ phrases of interest, and label literary devices. finally, i would go through it again and build the main analysis. a brief paragraph plan can be useful before writing the essay.• acronyms can help sometimes as a go-to in an exam when you don’t have much time. for example, i use CFTTSOL - content (basic story, characters, who is speaking and why etc) form (poetry, prose, drama etc), tense (past/ present etc), tone (happy, sad, why? is the tone at odds with the subject matter? in emily dickinson’s ‘because i could not stop for death’, for example, the poem is about something dark but it is very jolly), structure/ syntax (rhyme, caesura, enjambment, any disrupted syntax, etc) other (anything not mentioned in the rest of the categories) and language (similes, metaphors, assonance, etc). i would recommend finding one that works for YOU and makes sense for YOU, because creating your own can really help to ease you into analysis.

PART 2: literary awareness

• read, read, read! i cannot stress the importance of wider reading enough, and also the importance of thinking whilst you read (making notes/ annotating books whilst you read is advisable). i am speaking from experience here - i didn’t read outside of the curriculum at all until the end of last year, and since i have started my literary analysis has increased tenfold. this is partly because practice is vital, but also because wider reading gave me an awareness that i could never have expected to gain. it enabled me to start making links between texts, genres, periods, etc – i began to see patterns and conventions in literature. for instance, a poem that breaks convention is easier to spot and talk about – to use a very basic example, a sonnet (usually a form of love poetry) about brutality/ violence toys with genre. if you had read some of shakespeare’s sonnets, you could then compare the violent poem with sonnet 18, to elucidate your point. this isn’t to say that you didn’t already know that sonnets were love poems, or that you wouldn’t have picked up on this without wider reading. but having read sonnets outside of class means that you can talk about this with greater clarity, authority and confidence.• i would also advise you to push yourself with the literary material you explore. it is difficult, but try to find nothing intimidating - read thick victorian novels, read modernist authors, read kant if you want, and even if the prospect of reading ‘harder’ texts doesn’t thrill you then try them anyway - you may be pleasantly surprised! part of the difficulty of studying this subject is that preconceived ideas can erect barriers and put you off. it is important to totally bulldoze these barriers and remind yourself that nothing is above you, and that you are capable. that’s not at all to say that you can’t read ‘simpler’ texts, and of course it is probably wise to admit to yourself when you perhaps need a greater literary background before you tackle a text (for example, i tried joyce’s ulysses, a modernist text full of allusion, when i have a barely working knowledge of greek mythology, and i admitted to myself that though it would not be impossible for me to read it, i would like to read more widely and then return to it in the future).• w i k i p e d i a. it’s often sniffed at but honestly don’t be afraid of using it! it’s an excellent way to absorb info fast. also don’t be ashamed of using websites like sparknotes if you don’t understand a poem to begin with! u shouldn’t rely on them for the crux of your analysis but they can be helpful to get started!• it’s perhaps obvious, but it helps to remind yourself that literature isn’t just fiction - try to read some critical essays if you can, and look at philosophy, history, psychology etc and how they relate to literature as studied in school. this is actually wayyyy more fun than it sounds (!) and will improve your general literary knowledge.• tumblr, whilst being a killer procrastination station, can also really help to broaden your knowledge. reblogged quotes from famous writers often stick around in your memory, and period moodboards can help you get a sense of different ages and help you to visualise what you’re studying. it’s also great to be in a community of passionate people - the passion of others on this site has definitely rubbed off on me!• make it relevant!! all of these texts and literary movements have shaped our society profoundly. as overdramatic as it sounds, look for the romanticism in a house party, or existentialism in internet memes, or hamlet in yourself. legacies are all around us, and seeing the world in this way can really bring literature to life.

literature is a subject where you get out what you put in. it’s relatively straightforward, if you work hard, to get very good grades in lit; if this is what you want, then having a solid knowledge of metre and literary terms, being able to spot them in texts, and then being able to describe what this reveals can get you top marks. but, in my opinion, to develop true literary intelligence you really have to let the subject permeate every aspect of your life. this is a subject where you really can take risks, be original and unique, and explore a huge amount of periods and ideas. if you see it reflected in the world around you, and think deeply and thoughtfully about everything you are reading, then the classwork honestly sorts itself out.

i hope this has been useful in some way and that it answers ur ask adequately!! if u have any further questions or require clarification please do not hesitate to let me know. i hope u have a wonderful day 💘