#because londoners are that fucking privileged i guess

[von-karmas-a-bitch]

me, playing tgaa1: ok so this stronghart guy is obviously evil-

stronghart: london is the centre of the modern world. objectively best city. we have AAAAALL the cool technology you WISH you had our technology and public transport don't you ohhhh you wanna be a londoner so bad aren't you jealous of our trams

me, a rural english bitch and certified london hater: well now it's personal. it is on like donkey kong. i am going to have so much fun obliterating this man.

[blinkilite]

I had the amazing privilege of seeing Michael Sheen in Nye a few nights ago at the National Theatre.

The play:

Nye was amazing. Michael was brilliant and in command of the stage the whole time. I am not a big theater-goer. So this was a big deal for me. But seeing him perform on stage was just wonderful. I truly appreciate his skills on a whole new level now. The rest of the cast was brilliant too. They each played multiple roles throughout the timeline of the play. I highly recommend going to see it if you can. He sings! He dances! I cried! I laughed! I’m trying my best to give you a spoiler free review! But I promise you won’t be disappointed. 😊 it’s really really good. 👍 Go! Support Michael and the arts!

My personal experience:

I had a mix of excitement and anxiety all day but it really amped up when I got to the theater. Like omg this is really happening. I took a pic by the poster and it’s obvious I am an excited weirdo. 😆

Now that I was here, the next step was going to the national theatre gift shop. They had a lot of cute things and a really cool display for Nye.

I purchased my program and the cashier was very friendly. She complimented my Good Omens pin and said they usually come out stage door so make sure to go around back after, and enjoy the show. 😊 (internally squeeing) I thanked her and we went and got some food and a cider.

We made our way to the doors and were led to our seats. Then I started getting the omg we’re here this is actually happening mentality. We were pretty close. An omg he will be right there! Soon! 😬

We had 8th row seats 😳 it seemed very close and I was freaking out.

I read some reviews and saw the newly released press photos of the play. So I knew a little what to expect of the show too, but honestly it was sooo good. I don’t want to give away any spoilers because the play is AMAZING. Michael and the rest of the cast did so well. Michael is very active and moved all over the stage. I am so impressed by his abilities as an actor. He fucking sings! And it’s wonderful! And our seats were close enough to see all the micro expressions on his face. 😃 If you have the means to go and see this either in London or later in Wales - GO! You will not regret it.

At the end I took a pic of the actors (though I didn’t get everyone) and I got the very end when Nye can see the impact of his accomplishments.

Now for the fangirling part of my night. I was trying my best not to be a complete dork. I knew from other fans previously posting that he typically comes out at the stage door after the show. So I had an idea what to expect. He came out pretty soon after the show ended. I’m guessing there were maybe 50-60ppl there. He just started talking to people, signing things, taking photos like this is no big deal. And they would leave and it would be the next person’s turn. Everyone was very considerate of each other and Michael’s time. And he was kind and generous and spoke genuinely to each person and made so many people happy that night. just by being himself and taking some extra time before he went home. He really is an angel. ❤️

Eventually it was my turn. Somehow I didn’t mumble or giggle like an idiot. where did I find the ability to speak? - I really have no idea 🤷‍♀️ I told him the show was amazing. He thanked me. And while signing my program I told him we came over from America for my birthday to see him. He wished us luck in the rest of our trip. I got a selfie with him and internally died. He wished me happy birthday (died again). I thanked him and then it was the next person’s turn. I walked about 50ft away and jumped up and down like an idiot. Hopefully he didn’t see.

But holy shit. 😃

I met Michael Sheen!!!! 😃❤️😃

And he was the nicest person ever. 😃😃😃

[pitviperofdoom]

Oh my god. Oh my god.

Like I know it’s been said already that the Real Villain Of This Brennan-DM’d Campagin Is Late Stage Capitalism Yet Again but I am genuinely BOWLED OVER by how poorly thought out the Astral Leywright Interdimensional Funtimes plan is.

I mean

Leaving off the fact that we the audience know the apocalypse is kicking off in like two hours, just imagine if Vespin Chloras and the Calamity hadn’t/weren’t going to happen and this unhinged scheme actually got to play out.

It’s bad enough that the “heroes” of this miniseries are a literal oligarchy of six privileged dickheads running an entire government with no public oversight or accountability, but this plan was cooked up by literally three of them. Three people! On their own! Have decided it’s a great idea to shift their entire city-state to other planes of reality!

I know they said the purpose of Avalir was exploration and research and knowledge but! This is not a research station! This is a city! You know! A place where civilians and kids live! Even if the world wasn't about to end, what were they going to do when people started objecting to relocating their kids and families to other dimensions that may or may not even be HOSPITABLE to life from the Prime Material Plane!

They have no idea what’s out there! They’re doing this BECAUSE they have no idea what’s out there! And they’re just going to shift their floating mountain city-state full of kids and civilians into literal parts unknown!

It's like if the Royal Society circa 1800 pointed to the city of London and said "guess what everybody, every single one of you is relocating to an exotic foreign locale! which exotic foreign locale? fuck if i know, we just spun a globe and picked at random! here’s hoping we don't wind up at the bottom of the ocean!"

Jesus H fucking Christ the hubris on these people is glorious and even without Betrayer Gods gunning for humanity’s ass it’s still so clear that this could only ever end in tragedy.

I’m crying. I’m laughing. These people are fundamentally awful and selfish. i love them so much. I’m going to fiddle while they burn.

[go-to-the-mirror]

look, hear me out, hot jon ri- [EXTENDED SOUNDS OF BRUTAL PIPE MURDER]

@a-mag-a-day

One thing you should know about me is that i will defend jonathan sims head archivist of the magnus institute london to my dying bloody breath. Another thing you should know about me is that i can do nuance, i just don't want to a lot of the time.

But. I will, put my... love... for the Jarchivist... to one side. sort of. a little bit. Look, you can't be unbiased, an attempt is all you're gonna get, mate.

But like, let it be known that I have talked extensively about scrutiny on my story, and most of it wasn't "but i love him, so, <3" actually most of it was "headinhands, jon, why"

Like, yk? Why didn't we see this coming, he's an Avatar, he's a monster, it's not making what he's doing better -- obviously -- but like, I feel like it's like... it's like... yk? we knew it in a theoretical way, and then we're like, oh, yeah, he doesn't get protagonist privileges.

I'm just rambling at this point, so, let's get onto the relisten, I guess, and I'll freak out there

ARCHIVIST The tape recorder. [SUDDEN INHALATION FROM BASIRA] BASIRA Get ready. Any idea what’s coming?

i think it's neat that they're realising that tape recorder on = (rqg pessimistic train driver voice) DOOOOOOM!

ARCHIVIST No, I… I think… [Calling out] Excuse me?

Jonathan "I don't think it's me doing it" Sims when he literally calls the guy back, fuck Jon, that's not okay!

SHIPHAND I don’t know you. ARCHIVIST [Archly] But I know you.

[ID: Marina and the Diamonds Smirk Meme /End ID]

look, hear me out-

LIKE OK HRHNR ITS COOL OKAY! IT'S COOL! IT'S AWFUL, BUT IT'S COOL!!

BASIRA Jon, I’m not sure about this. ARCHIVIST I am. Tell me what happened.

(tim voice) don't do it.

like, jon, jon, no, fuck? what the fuck, jon headinhands, headinfuckinghands

this is the theme of this ramble, okay? just headinhands but also his voice tho-

ARCHIVIST Whenever you’re ready.

it's so creepy, he's so creepy! that's just like- "whenever you're ready" SPOOOKY!!!! im kicking my legs i just think it's NEAT oKAY

The thing that was grabbing him, trying to reach down his throat and pull him apart… it was a pattern. Diamonds and swirls and colours that seemed to imprint itself upon his skin even as it pushed itself messily into his nose and mouth.

THAT'S SO COOL! I mean, uh, sucks to be him, but that's hnnrhrhnrnh <3333 it's so spooky and weird and I love it.

I followed slowly, unsteadily, but got there just in time to see Salesa throw both him and what looked like a blank rug over the side and into the ocean.

So, the pattern comes from the rug and then... attaches itself to people and/or things? That's neat!

He was drunk for the next two days, and we kept sailing on towards Cape Town.

:D I was so happy when I heard this on my first listen :3 like yay! South Africa is mentioned :3 I'm South African :3

Come to think of it, Floyd might have an Afrikaans accent. Don't quote me on that, I'm not sure, but I think so.

There was a storm over the island. I don’t know where it came from, it can’t have been more than a minute since I’d last looked at it, an-and the skies were completely clear. But now it was covered in lightning, the rolling clouds above it dark and angry.

So, the camera was keeping the island not sinking.

So I jumped ship the next chance I got. And I have tried ever since then to leave those memories behind me.

Would be lovely if someone *cough cough* Jon *cough cough* would let him. He's going to have nightmares about this till Jon dies. Like, poor him. That sucks, like even with Jess, she was leaving it behind, she was getting better and he took that from her. The bastard, christ Jon, you can't just do this to people, you can't just ruin their bloody lives because you're feeling peckish.

ARCHIVIST [Soothingly] You can go. FLOYD Erm… I, I don’t… ARCHIVIST Thank you Floyd. You’ve been… very helpful. FLOYD C— ARCHIVIST It’s alright, Floyd. You just… need a break.

I just like the way he says it, when Jon's being all monster-y, in this episode, sometimes when he's talking to Helen, I think, in MAG 187, and of course in the Crew Retrospective (speaking of, if you have stuff about the crew retrospective, please tag me, I want to see it), it's so suave, and for what. Charisma of 1, unless he's being... evil. I love him, I love that, it's so bloody suave, and charismatic, and smooth. He knows exactly what he's doing, he's in his element. Oh god, he's in his element.

Look, he may be slightly evil, but he's doing it with style, damn.

Like "It's alright, Floyd. You just... need a break" and it's like!!! HMNnn!!! No, Jon! You shouldn't be doing this to people, but also like hnhrhfhhnh so fucking cool!

ARCHIVIST Yes, Basira, he is. And I am sorry about that. But we needed it. Anyway you’re the one who wants to be like Gertrude. You think she’d give a damn about a few bad dreams? BASIRA No. ARCHIVIST No. She got the job done, and didn’t care about the cost. BASIRA But I thought you did. ARCHIVIST … I had to know, Basira. BASIRA It wasn’t right. ARCHIVIST You could have stopped me.…But you wanted to know as well, didn’t you?

Mr. Jarchivist Sims, your flimsy rationalizations are visible from space, you didn't want to be like Gertrude, you don't want to be like Gertrude, good lord, man, just... good lord.

I don't know what to say, I'm shaking this episode vigorously /pos

Ramble over! See y'all tomorrow where I'll be once again setting aside my flimsy belief (not even a belief) that Jonathan Sims did NOTHING WRONG if you ignore everything he did wrong.

End recording.

[ajoytobeheld]

Ellen: it's been an awfully big adventure

December 7th, 2012

I don’t know how to start this, other then diving right in so….I’ll dive.

It is with a sad face I have to report that I am leaving Los Campesinos!. The show on the 15th of December in London will be my last, and I shall spend it struggling not to cry. Please don’t point out my tears if you come along. Simply pretend it is eye sweat.

Over the last seven years I have been blessed, not by God, because he doesn’t exist, but with opportunities and a life I will not fully appreciate until I am about forty-five. I will look back at old photos of the band, with our smooth skin and questionable hair, and go “fuck me. That was mental.”

The past and present members of Los Campesinos! have been my family for the last seven years and seen me at my lowest, my highest, my most angry, sad, happy, broken, fixed, grown up and immature. They have seen me fail, succeed, let myself and them down, learn the hard way, but they have also seen me grow. And they have always had my back, and I hope, I sincerely hope, I have done my best to have theirs.

There is not a terribly exciting reason for me leaving, (so please start some exciting rumours), I am just going to try something new. Fulfil my ambitions of becoming a failed writer and developing a opium habit. It’s all going to be very retro. I leave with the upmost love and support from the band, but I have requested my replacement not be too cool.

I would say I am sad to go, but that is too simple a word for the variety of emotions I have swimming around my head right now. I am sad, but mostly I am drowning in warm and happy flashbacks, vinaigrette images of us all laughing in the van on long drives across America. Joe Puleo, tour manager, at the front telling a story, Jason playing quizmaster and hosting a game of “Guess the Song,” from an app he has downloaded, and we all scream out responses. Rob taking photos of the scenery on his lomo, Neil watching gangster epics on his laptop, and maybe later on this long long drive Paul and Tom will play Tiger Woods Golf whilst I work out how long I can hold my bladder for before requesting we stop. I was the most frequenter pee needer on long drives. I am not ashamed of this. I owned it.

I felt warm and safe on those drives, listening to everyone tell stories, share experiences, make each other laugh. I am lucky to have shared a hotel room with so many exceptional ladies over the years, Aleks, Harriet and especially Kim, who shared my fear of the cold, love of porridge and put up with my ability to make a mess in any room in under 5 seconds. Starting and ending the day together, we did some good chatting.

I have seen a lot of this world, and I didn’t have to go on a gap year to do it. I have travelled across the breadth and depth of the US and the UK and I have seen a lot of different faces, and sampled a lot of backstage humus.I have seen a lot of graffitied backstage cocks.

I have met and worked with countless wonderful, interesting and horrifically talented people inside the industry, inside the venues, inside the recording studie and inside our practice space. (I won’t gush too much about how talented the people in the band are, you might get diabetes from my sincerity, but it has been a pleasure and a privilege to play the music that Tom writes.)

Also fans. Fans are awesome. You made it possible for us record an album in Seattle. To play a show outside of Wales. To play in a baseball stadium in Japan. A haunted restaurant in Santa Cruz. a handful of US universities and see Mexico! I saw Mexico! You girls and guys are truly humbling, and I hope I never took you for granted too much. I probably did. Thank you for knowing the words, for bringing cakes, and books, and t-shirts, and comics, and buying us drinks and for waiting and driving miles and cheering and clapping. For reading or watching or listening to anything we have ever done. Thanks. You kept us going and will continue to be the life blood of the Los Campesinos! family.

I was trawling through old photos trying to find the best one to represent a start and an ending, but I got lost in old memories and the process of ageing.

(God we looked young, look at our skin! Look at our clothes! Cardigans and ripped up Distillers t shirts, oh I still have that.)

I have eons of photos of the band at the start, at rehearsals, house parties, with experimental hair, (mine black, Gareth long and wispy, Neil’s fringe nearly covering his eyes and Tom always wearing his hat) and at our first shows. I remember when we first started, our summer of label romance where everyone wanted to take us out for a pub meal, and all we ever did was go out in Cardiff drinking and dancing. We said we would change our last names to Campesinos! if we ever played in the states, but we tempted fate, and we never changed out names but we did get to go to America a lot.

I sometimes wonder what alternative universe me would be doing if she didn’t go to that first rehearsal in Ollie’s bedroom. I think she is picking her nose right now in a bath of baked beans, bored and crazy because she spent all day in an office sitting next to a woman who told her about the time she slept with a navy seal. No one cares Brenda.

So 500 plus gigs, millions of air miles, gallons of backstage whisky and wine, a tonne of sweaty cheese and pita bread, a litre of tears shed on stage, hundreds of “don’t fuck up,” panics, hundreds of fuck ups, hundreds of “this is blowing my mind” moments whilst starring into a sea of unfamiliar and impassioned faces, break ups and ill advised hook ups later (don’t date musicians, like ever, we’re all mental,) I realise I have seen all the travel lodges, service stations, and states of America (apart from Alaska) and I have tasted more Marks and Spencer’s meals then I thought possible. I’ve been with some of the finest people I know doing a very unnatural thing, which is both the best and the worst experience and often at the same time, but never the same any given year. And we have done it fucking well. The best we can.

God I’m being dramatic, but I can’t help it, I was a middle child.

So some more self-indulgence.

I want to thank some people for being ace. John Goodmanson – a brilliant producer and a lesson in style and grace under pressure. Joe Puleo – the best tour manager, you never feel anything but safe in his company. Kelly Pickard – inspiration, mentor, wisest woman. Paul Rattcliff- The loyalist soundman whom gives so much. Kev and Alun and Mark Bowen, Wichita, Ben and Vicky, Gareth Dobson, anyone we have toured with or supported or who I have met along the way, everyone I forgot. I haven’t forgot, I am thinking about you.

My mum, because she told me I could be anything and do anything except get my tongue pierced. And I did that anyway, and she still wasn’t mad at me.

And the band.. Kim, Jason, Gareth, Tom, Neil and Rob who I will miss sharing experiences with that no one will understand, I love you guys. Like, loads. From our first Sweet Dreams, until our last, thanks.

Okay, too long, too emo. Bye bye.

Ellen x

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Fics Named After Weather Masterlist

A Little Bit of Rain (ao3) - bestelitecouple

Summary: Before I met him, I was nothing but a little bit of rain.

Cloudy Skies - dancingwithstarlightatmidnight

Summary: “We told the boss it was a bad idea...”

Feel the Heat (ao3) - cockwhoredan

Summary: two british boys can’t handle the weather in florida. (maybe fucking isn’t the best way to cool down, but they do it anyways.)

Fog (ao3) - intoapuddle

Summary: Dan doesn’t want to perform tonight.

He is lucky. He is privileged. He has every reason to love his job.

But Dan doesn’t want to perform tonight.

Fog (ao3) - lilyxxxooo

Summary: 2009!Phan, 2012!Phan, sometime in between and 2020!Phan

Dan is on his way to Manchester, without a plan. Does he make a move and risk his newfound friendship, or act dumb and pretend he's content?

A few years later, and Dan is wondering why things were left unspoken all those years ago.

Based off "Fog" By the Regrettes

Heavy Rain (ao3) - gravityplant

Summary: A tale about a maverick writer whose audience doesn’t yet breathe outside of his mind; And a lost soul uploading stray youtube videos that don’t seem to belong in this world. On the other hand, since when does lost-souls meet under heavy rain, and what does belong if not strange circumstances when two misfits dare to reach out and touch.

Hurricane (ao3) - eudaimonic

Summary: "I open my eyes and exhale, searching the room to determine what is amiss. Nothing. Nothing but the dust and the air.

And yet, something lingers, something unsettling and alarming and indistinct all at the same time."

*

In which Dan and Phil live in New York in the not-so-distant future and are brought together by extraneous variables. Their meeting is intrinsic. Their power is ineffable.

London Weather? - awrfhiphil

Summary: They are walking home in the rain, and Phil’s not talking. However, Dan is persistent and relentlessly fond.

(Not So) Clear Skies And Bright Blue Eyes - hqcharbon

Summary: 2016!phan goes on a picnic, only to have the weather interfere with their plans.

One Dark and Stormy Night (ao3) - Fandoms2135

Summary: Dan loves Phil. Phil doesn't know. Phil secretly loves Dan. The usual.

Rain (ao3) - Nefertiti1052 (Succubusphan), schnaf

Summary: When their dinner date gets ruined, the boys need to find a way to make it work.

Rain (ao3) - phanburnhamizzard

Summary: It's a cold day with ominous purple clouds in the sky when Daniel Howell bolts out of his apartment and heads downtown. Phil Lester is left in their apartment alone, stunned, in the aftermath of their argument.

Separated from one another, they think back on their relationship, Dan's depression, and what their friendship really means to them.

Then, it starts to rain...

Rainy Day - shookethbrooketh

Summary: Pastel!Dan and Punk!Phil didn't appreciate their plans being cancelled due to rain, but after Dan pulled together some indoor activities for them, they both found themselves enjoying their rainy day together.

Rainy Days - phan-panda

Summary: Dan convinces Phil to play in the rain with him.

Rain Boy - crescendohowell

Summary: Phil spends his time chasing rain and thinking. It isn’t until days where even he doesn’t want to be caught in the swirling weather outside, that Phil is forced inside to a coffee shop with a seat perfect for watching the weather outside and the cute barista that begins to call him Rain Boy. (Or in which Dan is sad and Phil loves the rain.)

Snow - fiction-phan

Summary: “You’re my new neighbour and we’ve never spoken but you saw me shovelling snow all day and I guess it must be pretty obvious how cold I am because you brought me a jacket and hot cocoa."

Summer Storms - huphilpuffs

Summary: Phil loves thunderstorms.

Sunday Morning Rain - andromehdas

Summary: N/A

Sunshine (ao3) - metus_noctis

Summary: In which Phil is a bright ray of sunshine creeping through the windows of Dan's heart.

Sunshine (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: a grumpy!dan and sunshine!phil fic in which dan totally doesn’t have a crush on phil. not at all

Sunshine (ao3) - thewakeless

Summary: Summer sex (with consequences)

Sunshine and Wind (ao3) - boffinhatwithapipeYuekagami

Summary: "I am here, Dan because I love you."

The Boy Who Made It Rain - jilliancares

Summary: Dan can control the weather but he can’t control his emotions, and so it rains.

the rain (ao3) - dizzy, waveydnp

Summary: dan and phil meet at a festival. then the rain comes.

Thunder - dxnhowell

Summary: Dan and Phil's son is very afraid of thunderstorms so he goes to Dan and Phil for comfort. 

Thunderstorms - dxnhowell

Summary: Dan and Phil had plans to go out for a dinner date, because it's something that they don't get to do very often. It starts raining, and it rains harder throughout the night. Phil has a fear of thunderstorms and starts to freak out a little bit, but luckily he has there to calm him down. 

Thunderstorms - phan-is-my-jam

Summary: Dan's afraid of thunderstorms, so he cuddles with Phil on the night of a bad one.

[lapeaudelamemoire]

ii. (triptych middle)

mandarin chinese drama ost track playing out of my phone on my bed next to me on repeat. (云泥 by 希林娜依，高, from 云之羽.)

leaving my partner's apartment today i realise that i no longer know what i want to do or have anywhere i want to go for leisure. that i've given up on doing something in my free time.

i don't know any good cafes to go to that are open after 3pm. (3PM.) Or maybe 4pm. Maybe 5pm at the latest. Certainly not near me. Not even in the city. Not anywhere, hardly anywhere really. Libraries close around this time too. I've said it many times before, and I'll say it again - even in Norway/Oslo there was a cafe that stayed open until 10pm every night. Maybe this is a sign that I've thoroughly suffocated; that there is truly nowhere to go. In this 'city'. In this place that calls itself a fucking 'city'. (If you can't tell, I spat that.)

Even when the nights don't fall until past 8pm now, there is nothing to fucking do. No thing. N o t h i n g. So I don't think about going out any more. There is nothing to do. And nothing to dress up for. Just a whole lot of nothing. A whole heap of nothing.

So I go and get my bread and bubble tea and prepare to go home, which is when I realise as I'm walking down the street that I would have used to go out to sit down somewhere for a coffee and read, but there's nowhere. And all the fucking coffee here sucks. (Lol, because I tried to tell K that the coffee here is really good all that time ago. He would have died of boredom here and gone tf back to London, which, fair enough.)

People talk about the outback or whatever when they talk about the colony called Australia, but even the 'cities' are pretty fucking barren, at least to me.

.

time to start pulling my guts out of my mouth, i guess.

there were things i really did want to say, which were that i haven't really felt actively good about my body for a while. not really sure how to address this internalised fatphobia when it's me. stopped feeling sure about myself and confident once my body started changing, although i think i've done pretty well so far. but i also don't like feeling like i need to feel attractive to others. dislike the feeling of wanting validation from others, and also which is almost always about wanting to feel attractive to men. feels like i'm 14 again. which was half a lifetime ago now. cognitively, i realise this is all bullshit. but in my body, i haven't been feeling it. and maybe it's also because that's not really something expressed a lot in my relationship with my partner. i realised too that and which isn't helped by the fact that when my body started changing, it seems i leaned right into being cute, rather than 'sexy', which was what i felt i was when i was slim. and i realise too that that's societal, that you're sexy when you're slim but cute when you're not. one or the other, it's still about making yourself attractive in some way. this isn't nice or poetic or whatever, it's something i need to untangle. and so it just is.

i watch tv and play FF and realise that everyone is slim. now i have to avoid looking too much at skinny women because their visible ribs remind me of when i was a teenager and EDs were all the rage. i don't want to go back there again, walking towards the mirror and watching how much my thighs jiggle. that in itself is something that needs addressing. the avoidance - i guess. the feeling that i'm unsure how i look to others, the sense that i don't think i 'can' be attractive or sexy. it's like puberty all over again. and as i write this i realise that this is probably something that will happen more and more as i age, and get older, and my body continues to change, and i move further and further away from the societal beauty ideal of young and slim. when i was that i never had to think about it. and now i do. welp. that's privilege. you can be aware of it and still never know how it feels not to have it, until you don't fit into that circle any more.

and my body - well, my body. the issues stack like a vulnerability stack in a game. noticing patches on my skin that are dry, that are discoloured, that spread. i worry. walking to the train and realising on the train that my soles are burning a little. it's hard to feel good about my body when my body is now mostly a source of concern and worry, but above all now also a source of uncertainty. physically and aesthetically.

maybe that's also why i've stopped wearing lingerie. i've been thinking it would be good to do a shoot again, that maybe that would help. but as with everything these days - well.

-

- interlude -

well the autosave draft post feature has come in very handy, thank you tumblr. (laptop crashed.)

-

and then - well, the suddenly i don't have family to speak to in my other native language any more, because they aren't safe to be around. because it was after this that all these issues with my body started happening. maybe it was linked, maybe it's just because it's come time. but either way, i can't seem to disassociate them.

[lagroupie]

Interview: Bad Nerves

Bad Nerves at the small football field in Etagnières, shot with my Nikon. This was about a month after our interview at Tropical Riot.

Back in September, I went to the great Tropical Riot festival in Ullastrell, near Barcelona, to watch awesome local and foreign bands play. The main reason for my presence was Bad Nerves - who are still one of my favorite bands ever since I saw them play live at the Old Blue Last back in 2017. This time, the band had some time for an interview before the show, so we took a stroll around the catalan village of Ullastrell while catching up. They were headlining that night and the crowd went wild (see my photo below).

Join us as Bobby and Jon tell me about their lives in Essex, their live record Alive in London, getting by as a band, meeting Green Day and more.

Many thanks to Bad Nerves and the team at Tropical Riot Festival for their kindness!

Are you guys still living in London ? I remember you told me so back in 2017.

Bobby: I actually lived in London for a year, in 2017.

Jon: Now we live in Essex. It’s east London-ish.

Bobby: Just slightly outside of it ! We all come from Essex.

Jon: London is just not cool anymore. During the pandemic, so many venues shut down. What little scene we had really suffered. Now I never go there really.

Bobby: It’s very expensive.

What’s your life like when you’re not touring ?

Jon: It’s so boring ! We have quite normal lives I guess.

Bobby: I spend a lot of time writing and recording. We do go in the studio and rehearse.

That sounds amazing. Do you guys manage to make music full time now ?

Bobby: Not really. Financially, definitely not.

Jon: We all have other jobs, apart from some who lost them recently because of doing the band.

Bobby: I haven’t had a job for about 10 months now.

Jon: This is like, the crunch time where we have to make it work, because all our jobs are getting fed up with us going away all the time. There’s still bills to pay.

Bobby: It’s a different thing when you’re a bit older trying to do a band, because you don’t live with your parents. If you’re fortunate enough to live with your parents when you’re younger, like we were – we don’t have that privilege anymore. A band is not the easiest way to make money !

Jon: There’s a bit of a myth about our band at the moment. I read online that people are saying ‘they have loads of money !’ It’s so far from the truth !

Bobby: Yeah, and some deal with an american label. What the fuck are they talking about ?

Jon: That’s not how it works. We haven’t seen a penny.

Bobby : They are helping us with tour support, to go to America.

Jon: Or else, we wouldn’t be able to afford to go there.

Bobby: We don’t make any money personnally from this band. Not yet. We hope it’s going to change. We’ve been at this our whole lives and we have yet to make any money. It would be nice to make enough money to pay our rent. That would be a dream.

Jon: Money has never been the motive though. We’ve been doing that band for six years and never really bothered about money up to the point when we needed it to play shows.

Bobby: We break it even for the most part, but the whole band/business side of it is just waiting for money to come in from shows, because there’s a huge delay. You don’t get paid straight away, months pass and you need that money to buy the plane tickets to the next show, and sometimes you haven’t been paid for these shows. And then you’ve got no money, and you have to pay for those plane tickets with whatever you have.

I expected it to be bad, but not that bad.

Jon: We sound really depressing ! (laughs)

Bobby: We’re not depressed. It’s fucking great ! It’s not easy, but it’s fucking fun and worthwile.

Bad Nerves' set at Tropical Riot festival. As you can see, it was a happy chaos.

Can we also talk about your latest releases, like Alive in London ?

Jon: That was recorded at the end of our first headline tour, in a funny bar in London called The Basement. It blew us away, because up until that point – we played England a bit, but no one ever really seemed to care that much. And then we did a run of our own shows and a bunch of them sold out. We decided to record the last one because it was in London.

Bobby: We didn’t even really know it was being recorded. Our manager said ‘I’ll record it !’ and we replied ‘yeah, whatever.’ I didn’t even remember !

Jon: It was the most insane show, in a tiny pub in London. The recording cuts out because all the recording equipment overheated. That’s why the record is so short. You can hear it break halfway through. I’m surprised no one died at that show to be honest ! (laughs)

Bobby: It’s the hottest show we have ever played ! I remember seeing Sam coming off stage – he had so much steam coming off of him, and he was just sitting hunched over. I didn’t know if he was alright !

I also wanted to talk about how you said in an interview that you wanted to bring rock and roll back to the masses.

Bobby: There’s loads of bands that we love who have scrappy recordings. We’re trying to do more modern-ish and powerful recordings, but with that scrappy character in it. In that sense, that is what we’re trying to do. Because mainstream radios don’t really play this scrappy punk. So we’re trying to get some of that scrappy stuff and give it a more modern recording.

Jon: We’re trying to influence younger bands to play a style that’s a bit forgotten. You don’t see a lot of kids doing it. Now, we’ve seen a few bands pop up who play this style. That’s the reason we do it, passing the torch !

I think we’re from the same generation – growing up, rock and roll was still on the TV and on the radio. We had bands like Green Day, Oasis, The Strokes, etc. Those bands introduced us to rock and roll. I share your vision, we have to bring it back, even if it’s-

Jon: -Just guitar music ! Going to festivals as a kid, it would be all guitar bands. And then that just died out and it started being, I don’t know, Beyoncé or something.

Bobby: It’s nice having a mix of genres in music, but it seems that rock and punk are shut out of a lot of mainstream. Is that because rock and roll is more prone to being protest music and half of the corporations that control this industry don’t want that shit playing ? I don’t know.

Jon playing during Tropical Riot Festival in Ullastrell.

Could you guys also tell me more about Green Day ? Have you met them in person ?

Jon: It’s funny, because they say you shouldn’t meet your heroes. I started playing bass because of Mike Dirnt from Green Day, and they are the nicest people ! They’re lovely. I’ve met a lot of bands, and they are some of the nicest people I’ve ever met.

Bobby: We played a festival in Czech Republic, Rock For People, and they were headlining. We watched them play this crazy healine set. Afterwards they invited us to come and meet them backstage. It was just us, them and maybe one or two roadies just sitting there and talking about music. Billie said he really loved the record !

Jon: It was surreal. Billie has been super supportive. He messaged us all the time. He truly cares about the band, posts our stuff. A true legend.

Bobby: You’d expect these rockstars to be ego maniacs, and a lot of them are. But not those cunts ! It’s funny because they’re one of the last bands around from our generation still going, that we genuinely like. We met Green Day’s manager and he said that Billie sent our record to him. The thought of him sending our record is surreal.

What can we expect from Bad Nerves in the future ?

Bobby: We’re just going to keep writing songs, playing gigs until… we die ? (laughs) We’re going to keep putting out records that we like, which is hard to do. It takes time.

Jon: We want to make our stand on this kind of genre in years to come.

Bobby: It would be nice to be able to look back and think ‘we had a good go at it.’

https://badnerves.co.uk/

https://www.tropicalriot.cat/home/

[baekhvuns]

I was dreading to open your blog and read your reply, cause I knew the slander would be too much 😐😐😐😐 I'm simply closing my eyes. Blocking the haters (aka user baekhvuns). I actually stayed up late to watch the match and it was not worth it, thankfully Sanhwa went live and their Lego shenanigans were more exciting 💀 I kept yelling "wake up, Madrid, Ancelotti use your fucking brain and Gavi get off the pitch!". Benzema in his salty era, yikes, I know he's mad that his goal was offside and so am I, but come on.

Moving on........

I just hope that if the allegations against Gr**nw**d are true, the girl won't go through the same shit again. 🙃

Yeah the Atiny I met has been following Atz around since last year, that's why I blocked her and stopped interacting with her recently. She's not dangerous, but how manu times do you have to see them? That Judy girl is so fucked, she thinks she's doing something??? And is besties with NCT???

Fucking LSM destroying his own company, ffs I've always said he'd be the downfall of SM. Chris Lee what a dumb greedy bitch, no wonder these two are related. But speaking of dumb people. The delusion and saviour complex is huuuuuge. And did you see that "SM with Hybe" Twitter account???

Avocados don't like snow so I'm not shocked your uni closed ajshaisshhajahwkkaa. Pls stay inside it's safer and cosier 😭. Omfg knife crime typical London behaviour, sigh. Paris is bad too lol, not the safest place, Berlin is better, but the city is also on my shitlist, too privileged. Kai you don't need to go there

"Your guys's hierarchy" hey, don't group me with them Brits, I'm just an outsider who has been studying the UK behaviour for years 😭 Brummie accent was once voted the least appealing, but foreigners are obsessed with it cause of PB, so hilarious. I like beans on toast, I'm afraid... BUT IT DOESN'T MAKE ME BRITISH OKAY.

I remember when Hwa apologised he couldn't dye his hair black yet, because of Imitation?!?!? Some people had the audacity to comment on the grey hair 🔫🔫🔫🔫

Cornish accent is sometimes called "the most American of UK's accents" but they're not like deep South, Cornwall is nice and fun! I guess the difference between most Southern English accents and Cornish is that they roll their "Rs". I have some friends from there, one got into performing school as a child and they asked her mother if she could "get rid of the village accent" huh?! She wasn't even from a village

Breaking Wommys hearts kusuahsjsjauaah but I'm not complaining 🥰 yes to fencer or racer Hwa

WHAT did you just say about the nose 🔫🔫🔫 my feelings are soft, I just wanna perform some cannibalism ok. let me bite Seonghwa's nose in peace!

Finally some Atz x fashion interaction! Seonghwa next pls 🤗

Liking anything when you're over 25 is illegal Baek, so have fun while it lasts. Later it's just taxes, mortgage, 2 shifts etc. no happy days in sight 🤗

Everyone's screaming shaking and crying trying to find Seonghwa's winter MD, but ever since I saw the blurred previews I knew I had to have him, so I'm safe! I'M GONNA EAT HIM I REALLY WILL!!!! THE HEART BLUSH?!?!?!? I'M UNWELL

This is bad for me, a cat boys enthusiast 🙄

Pls look away OP, you don't need to perceive him. In constant battle with myself, because I wanna gatekeep Seonghwa, but also want everyone to know and praise him 🤧

My rockstar gf! and Mingi toooooo

I'm on the floor actually. The 2nd photo 🥴🥴🥴🥴

👀👀👀 but girlie was stressed msjsjdjsjabsnswjsh

Hwa is watching The Alchemy of Souls, I won. Also TAoS Hwa AU...... 😊

And can we talk about KQF2 name... it's pronounced"SAIKERS"?! Say XIKE lmaoooo - DV 💖

hello!!

I was dreading to open your blog and read your reply, cause I knew the slander would be too much 😐😐😐😐 I'm simply closing my eyes. Blocking the haters (aka user baekhvuns). I actually stayed up late to watch the match and it was not worth it, thankfully Sanhwa went live and their Lego shenanigans were more exciting 💀 I kept yelling "wake up, Madrid, Ancelotti use your fucking brain and Gavi get off the pitch!". Benzema in his salty era, yikes, I know he's mad that his goal was offside and so am I, but come on. Moving on……..

anon… ur in for a ride,,, both ur teams LMFAOOO 😭😭😭😭 BARCA COOKED!!!! HUMILIATION? HUMILIATION !!!!! AND WITHOUT OUR MAJOR PLAYERS???? GETFOOO AGAINST THE SAME REAL MADRID??? HELP RHQKDHQKDHKW TAKE GAVI OUT???? TAKE VINI OUT BRO WAS WWE-ING ON THE GROUND AND DIDN’T GET A RED AND DISRESPECTING THE REF???? 🔫🔫🔫 and now the second leg with pedri, dembele, lewa ???? cOOKING !!!! forever rm’s owners <;3 no wonder they got bodied

mOVING ON DEBKBJFBJQ TO THIS

and man united ??? 7-0??? LMFAOOOO?????? WHAT THE FUCK???  THIS IS TERRIBLE FHWNHDK

I just hope that if the allegations against Grnwd are true, the girl won't go through the same shit again. 🙃 /// Yeah the Atiny I met has been following Atz around since last year, that's why I blocked her and stopped interacting with her recently. She's not dangerous, but how manu times do you have to see them? That Judy girl is so fucked, she thinks she's doing something??? And is besties with NCT???

tbh i hope someone finds a loophole in the case and gets him to be held accountable, his careers def gone & he’s def not playing for the england national team 🤚🏻 they’re already shit wouldn’t want them to become even more,,,

anon ur friends are 👁questionable👁 NOOO SRS THE NCT JUDY GIRLIE WHAT IN THE WORLD ???? hoping sm sues her bc what tf?? their bodyguards need to bodyslam her some sense

????? he’s nicer than me fr

Fucking LSM destroying his own company, ffs I've always said he'd be the downfall of SM. Chris Lee what a dumb greedy bitch, no wonder these two are related. But speaking of dumb people. The delusion and saviour complex is huuuuuge. And did you see that "SM with Hybe" Twitter account???

THEYRE SO 😭😭😭 WHAT EVEN IS THIS “kpop is slowing down” it never was that famous to begin with!!! its really mostly on twt which for some = worldwide,,, but i have to say even those not remotely into kpop know solder sm groups,, i wonder why kpop slowed down,,, maybe bc everything is about achievements now 🔫🔫 the saviour complex of this company and man needs to be studied,, the music quality deteriorated and now mr hybe will come to save it with it’s auto tune <3 one thing i liked about sm was the insane music quality they had,,, doing this shitshow online is so tragic to see,,, I DID AND WHAT THE ABSOLUTE SHIT IS THAT 😭😭😭😭 the artists coming on their bubble to say “i don’t know what’s happening but im with u” bro 😭😭😭

Avocados don't like snow so I'm not shocked your uni closed ajshaisshhajahwkkaa. Pls stay inside it's safer and cosier 😭. Omfg knife crime typical London behaviour, sigh. Paris is bad too lol, not the safest place, Berlin is better, but the city is also on my shitlist, too privileged. Kai you don't need to go there

WILL DO 🫡 no bc wth is this knife problem in uk 😭😭😭 there’s so many true crime cases on it like??? kINVES BELONG IN THE KITCHEN KEEP THEM THERE! i feel like france and ny is the same thing,, the pickpocketing 😭🤚🏻 speaking of berlin,,, is this an accurate representation FBKWHDKW

"Your guys's hierarchy" hey, don't group me with them Brits, I'm just an outsider who has been studying the UK behaviour for years 😭 Brummie accent was once voted the least appealing, but foreigners are obsessed with it cause of PB, so hilarious. I like beans on toast, I'm afraid… BUT IT DOESN'T MAKE ME BRITISH OKAY.

YEAH SO TECHNICALLY UR A BRIT 🔫 u become what u eat and live in 🤚🏻 no bc the brummie accent, and the nottingham accent how DO U EVEN UNDERSTAND THEM one of my cousins is from nottingham and she spoke to me and i ???? went pass my head,, so fast i just stared at her nodded <3 STOPPPPP THATS SO NASTY MY FATHER HAS AN OBSESSION WITH THE BEANS ON TOAST WHY DO U ALL EAT LIKE ITS STILL WW1 COME ON 😭😭😭 UR BRITISH RBWMDHWK PEAK BRITISH

sorry what is this  

I remember when Hwa apologised he couldn't dye his hair black yet, because of Imitation?!?!? Some people had the audacity to comment on the grey hair 🔫🔫🔫🔫

some people should have their rights taken away

Cornish accent is sometimes called "the most American of UK's accents" but they're not like deep South, Cornwall is nice and fun! I guess the difference between most Southern English accents and Cornish is that they roll their "Rs". I have some friends from there, one got into performing school as a child and they asked her mother if she could "get rid of the village accent" huh?! She wasn't even from a village

AHHHHHHH hopefully they’re not just exactly like how americans are personality wise,, NOT THE VILLAGE ACCENT NOOOO 😭😭😭😭yOU GUYS ARE BRUTAL CALLING THEM OUT ON EVERYTHING 😭😭

Breaking Wommys hearts kusuahsjsjauaah but I'm not complaining 🥰 yes to fencer or racer Hwa /// WHAT did you just say about the nose 🔫🔫🔫 my feelings are soft, I just wanna perform some cannibalism ok. let me bite Seonghwa's nose in peace!

wommy’s need to be shown their place 🤚🏻 not but there’s seriously like no woo fics in atiny writing community now 😭😭 fencer hwa and a racer hwa,, but what about a hockey player hwa <33 I SAID NOTHING ???? WHAT DID U READ 📸💥📸💥 📸 i saw this video the other day that explained ur liking for vampires i WILL find it by the next time i answer this HOPEFULLY why bite when u can take a seat

Finally some Atz x fashion interaction! Seonghwa next pls 🤗 /// Liking anything when you're over 25 is illegal Baek, so have fun while it lasts. Later it's just taxes, mortgage, 2 shifts etc. no happy days in sight 🤗

FINALLY!!!!!! BALMAIN AMBASSADOR SOON 🤲🏻🤲🏻🤲🏻 seonghwa and of mingi for versace ?? would pass out,, LMFAOOOO will use my 20’s as a excuse to travel and live my yn moment <3 anon how’d ur mortgage going, how’s the job? HOWS KR BEEN

Everyone's screaming shaking and crying trying to find Seonghwa's winter MD, but ever since I saw the blurred previews I knew I had to have him, so I'm safe! I'M GONNA EAT HIM I REALLY WILL!!!! THE HEART BLUSH?!?!?!? I'M UNWELL

U ORDERED IT RIGHT???? GOD BLESS U IM ON MY WAY HIDE UR DOOR UR KIDS UR CATS UR PC’S IM ON MY WAY he looks like he’s about to join a furry con / star in a red velvet mv

This is bad for me, a cat boys enthusiast 🙄//// Pls look away OP, you don't need to perceive him. In constant battle with myself, because I wanna gatekeep Seonghwa, but also want everyone to know and praise him 🤧

OP TRUST ME HE’S MEAN ASF FUCK DONT STAN HIM LEAVE HIM ALONE 🔫🔫

My rockstar gf!  and Mingi toooooo /// I'm on the floor actually. The 2nd photo 🥴🥴🥴🥴 //// 👀👀👀 but girlie was stressed msjsjdjsjabsnswjsh

no bc how dare they do this photoshoot for japanese albums and not for korean ones! WHY ARE THEY SO EXPENSIVE AND THIS???? 😩😩 seonghwa for calvin klein when

Hwa is watching The Alchemy of Souls, I won. Also TAoS Hwa AU……😊 //// And can we talk about KQF2 name… it's pronounced"SAIKERS"?! Say XIKE lmaoooo - DV 💖

STOP STOP IVE BEEN CRYING OVER THAT DRAMA FBWMFBWKFHWKHDWCJCKCKCKCI KEPT THINKING ABOUT SEONGHWA IN IT 😭😭 nOW HOW DO WE SAY THAT NAME??? SHAKERS??? HIKERS??? saikers???? 😭😭😭😭

anon we’re finally getting the return of shoujo with stunning animation 😭😭

just, JUST WHEN I THOUGHT U COULD NOT HATE THIS COMPANY EVEN MORE

hot take, but they’re kinda right

[aeuropeansummer2022]

#6 Mykonos, Greek Islands

Argh Mykonos. What to say about you. You’re hella expensive, definitely not as architecturally beautiful as Santorini and nowhere near as naturally beautiful as Mìlos (personal fave). You are in fact the party island. As bianca put it, you’re either A) excessively rich, or B) 18 and ready to party the night (read; week) away. We, probably acted more A and our bank accounts now feel more B if we’re honest. When we arrived we ventured to our accomodation and naturally had a few cheeky cocktails. To be honest after testing about 4 at the accomodation pool side, we realised they weren’t getting any better and headed for the beach bars at Paraga. A mango daiquiri that actually tasted as it should was a breath of fresh air! That and the chips now residing in our tummies, ready to take on main course at a sea side restaurant - pasta was absolutely delicious!! Too bad B and I barely finished on account of a little too much daiquiri. Friday, we went into the centre of Mykonos ready to get our tourist on. The taxi fare for 10mins into town €35 - $70! We decided to wait the extra hour for the bus, and oh the joy. Taking a bus anywhere in Greece is an adventure in itself. Waiting half hour past the timetabled pick up time, pushing and shoving to actually get on the bus and not be left off, standing room only when on it, then life flashing before your eyes as the bus navigated these tiny, windy and car/bike/pedestrian filled laneways essentially. The bus wasn’t my favourite let’s be honest. The white streets are beautiful here, and it is very iconic Greece. I always take a moment to be absolutely grateful where ever I am, because it’s definitely such a privilege. We ventured around, saw the iconic windmills and then made our way back poolside - for you guessed it, more drinks. We had to get ready and catch the bus once again to make our dinner reservation, at Negrita’s. This beautiful bar along the foreshore near Little Venice, a row of colourful houses on the edge, and the sunset was divine. We were supposed to share a table with another couple, only they hated on life because they didn’t want to share, and our table was in the line of fire for the ocean waves - thankfully they moved on! We had a few delicious cocktails, and it was that moment of the night where it was either going home, or really kicking on... A English couple then joined us at that moment, ordered a €200 bottle of wine and decision was made! We chatted and had such a great time! Although, I’m trying to have more willpower when people offer shots - it’s never a good idea, and to this day I can never turn it down! I hope Nikita never reads this (sorry if you do!) but she did do a cheeky vom into the ocean, which was gold given the establishment we were in haha! When the bill came and we realised Bianca and I had spent €312 of cocktails, I actually nearly died. Don’t convert that. It sounds bad in euros but my god, it’s not good in Australian dollars. To be fair, they were expensive to start. Some things I vaguely remember from that night; ordering gyros at midnight, requesting ‘politely’ for the traffic controller at the bus station to calm the fuck down because he was a little hectic with the whistle, making friends with Kiwis who happened to know Bianca’s London friends, the Uber driver (arrived that day in Mykonos) getting us lost and bianca navigating home, the Uber driving requesting us to sign a waiver written in Greek (no thanks).. yep, you definitely win that round Mykonos. Saturday, we’ll it’s fair to say it wasn’t overly productive. By midday we managed to gather ourselves enough for lunch poolside and that’s where we stayed all day, until the dreaded bus back into town for dinner. Today, we’ve lounged by the pool once again and went to the beach nearby. Bianca is now flying back to London, and I’ve just arrived at the second hotel (May or may not have forgot to book the extra night I needed, so a little last minute booking.com yesterday never hurt anyone) ready to take on Croatia tomorrow! Greece, you’ve been a joy!!

[handsomelyhiddleston]

Smitten - Tom Hiddleston x Curvy Reader

Filming sex scenes wasn’t the easiest task. There are weird nude undergarments or socks or tape or sometimes just a nude co-star…With Tom, though? There were nerves and feelings and a deep down hope that he couldn’t tell that you were incredibly turned on as he mimed fucking you twelve ways to Sunday.

“Cut! That’s a wrap on today. Great work guys!” the director called.

Tom collapsed onto your chest, laughing as the tension left his body. “These never get easier.”

“I don’t know” you teased, playing with his hair as everyone left the set so you two could leave the bed with some of your dignity. “It’s a lot easier with you.”

Tom held himself up on his elbows. “Don’t tell me your past romantic co-stars have been less than gentlemanly.”

“Not all of them.” You shrugged. Being a ‘larger than the Hollywood standard’ actress had put you in some…not very flattering roles in the start of your career. Sure, now you were the romantic lead with a conventionally attractive male actor, but lets just say you’ve dealt with a lot to get here.

“Well, I hope you know you deserved better.” Tom kissed the back of one of your hands, rolling off of you.

“Coming from you, I may actually believe it.” You laughed, gathering the sheet around you as you left the bed, grabbed your robe, and started walking towards your trailer.

The two of you filmed the movie…Where you’d usually fall asleep in one of your two trailers watching other movies…

The two of you attended interviews…Where Tom would almost always defer to you and even stuck up for you when a few interviewers were borderline sexist or would comment on your appearance…

The two of you even walked a few red carpets together…Tom’s hand always placed at your middle or  on your hip or in one of your hands...

He invited you out to eat with him before or after any shindig the two of you went to…

He’d walk you to your hotel rooms with kisses left on your cheeks…

He’d even tried to convince you to spend the week before the premiere in London with him…

In your mind, Tom was just too nice. He was nice to everybody. It all seemed very friendly…Until…

You hadn’t been watching the interviews as they’d been posted. Some interviews you did together with Tom and others you’d been split up and put with other actors from the movie.

Your phone pinged…

*best friend* - HAVE YOU SEEN TOM ON FALLON?!?

Before you could reply, your phone started blowing up.

You scrolled through the texts until you saw Tom’s

Tom – Darling, I hope you know how much you mean to me. Regardless of what your answer is, I’d never want to lose your friendship. It’s not every day you get to work with one so incredibly kind and thoughtful and talented and beautiful and…every moment I’ve spent with you has been a privilege. Please put me out of my misery and let me know you’ll at least let me see you again.

“What the fuck?” you asked yourself, opening your laptop and googling “Tom Hiddleston and Jimmy Fallon”

You saw that the Fallon YouTube channel had just posted Tom’s segment of tonight’s episode…

“How are you doing, buddy?” Fallon asked, pulling Tom into a tight hug.

“I’m doing incredibly well at the moment, actually.” Tom answered, sharing that the movie you two had filmed together had done extremely well on its opening weekend just a few days earlier.

“I know! It was amazing. I’ve seen it twice!” Fallon replied, always enthusiastic.

“I’m so glad you liked it. Y/n is incredible, right?” Tom turned to the audience, loving that they cheered when he brought you up.

“Oh my god, you two are so good together. I kind of thought maybe you two were…you know…” Fallon waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Tom threw his head back laughing, fidgeting with his tie and avoiding looking into the audience.

“Come on, you can’t tell me you two don’t have SOME sort of real chemistry. I saw the movie.” Fallon gave Tom a look like *Don’t lie*

“Well, perhaps we’re just incredible actors and you’re simply complimenting our craft.” Tom shrugged, trying to look anywhere but at Jimmy.

“Well, yes. The acting in the movie is amazing, but I don’t think that accounts for this.” Jimmy turned and pointed to the screen. It was a series of clips pulled from Tom’s interviews where all he did was gush about you.

“I missed being home, but it’s hard for anyone to stay upset when they’re around Y/n. She just lifts the mood in any room she’s in. You could say she makes anywhere feel a bit like home.” Tom had answered when a woman asked him if it was hard being on site away from home for 5 months.

When another interviewer asked Tom what his favorite line in the movie was, he answered, quoting one of your lines. “When she delivered it for the first time, it kind of took my breath away. I felt very unprofessional. I had to apologize and ask to start over. I couldn’t remember what I was supposed to say next. She tends to have that effect on me.” Tom laughed, a slight blush on his cheeks.

The final clip was one of an interviewer simply asking Tom how his day had gone. “I feel all out of sorts, if I’m being honest. Y/n isn’t here today because she woke up not feeling the best and with Covid still being an issue, she didn’t want to risk getting anyone else sick.” Tom answered with a sad smile on his face. When the interviewer shared that they hoped you would be okay and feel better soon, Tom answered with “I’ll make sure to pass on your sentiments when I bring her food later on.”

“COME ON!” Fallon laughed, throwing his arms up.

“I know, I know. I’m not very good at hiding how I feel, I guess.” Tom admitted, leaning back against the couch and laying his arm across the top. The crowd went wild.

“So, you admit it! Are you two together?!” Fallon asked, sitting on the edge of his seat.

“Unfortunately, not.” Tom answered, ducking his head as his cheeks flushed.

“Why?!” Jimmy asked. “You’re clearly smitten!”

“Hey, it’s not my fault!” Tom rebutted, looking to the audience for support. “I’ve tried!”

“Aww, now I feel bad for bringing it up.” Fallon chuckled and looked at the audience as they collectively ‘aww’ed. “How could anyone turn down this?!” He gestured towards Tom as the audience cheered.

“Well, if I’m to be completely honest I guess I haven’t actually TOLD her how I feel.” Tom confessed.

“Wait, what do you mean?” Jimmy paused.

“Well, I thought she’d catch on. I assume she has.” Tom laughed, fidgeting in his seat. “I’m pretty sure everyone else that knows the two of us can tell I’ve fallen completely head over heels for her.”

“Tom, Tom, Tom.” Jimmy shook his head.

“What?” Tom asked, nervous about what the answer would be.

“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but I think you may just be horrible at flirting.” Fallon said with a straight face, the audience busting up laughing after.

“Do you think?” Tom replied, eyes gone wide in exaggerated surprise.

“I mean, I think you’re just so nice.” Jimmy laughed, trying to stay serious…“that everyone thinks you’re flirting with them…Which means, when you’re trying to flirt it just blends in.”  

“Well, how would you suggest I stand out then?” Tom asked, putting his elbow on his knee and leaning his chin on his fist like he was really paying attention.

“I mean…” Fallon slowly pointed towards the camera. “You gotta shoot your shot, right?”

The audience went wild at the suggestion. “Oh, dear.”

“I can scrap this and we can just talk about the movie.” Jimmy offered, making sure Tom knew that none of this had to go on the air.

“I mean, if it’s truly that obvious to everyone what have I got to lose, right?” Tom answered.

“That’s what we like to hear!” Jimmy cheered with the audience.

“Well…Y/n.” Tom paused, a soft smile on his face. “I don’t quite know where to start. I feel as though I may have been remiss by not just telling you how I feel. The consequence of such is that now I’m doing it in front of all of these people *gestures to the audience*…and I’m sure you’re laughing at how red I’ve gone and how flustered I am so I’m going to get to the point. Darling, you’re an incredible woman. I could list a million reasons why, but hopefully later you’ll give me the time to tell you them in person. What I really want to tell you now is that you make me happy. You inspire me. You make me want to be the best version of myself and you even make me believe I can achieve it. I’d be honored if you’d give me a chance.”

Fallon had tears in his eyes and most of the audience did, as well. “I…That was so beautiful. I think we need to go to a commercial break.” He was all choked up and stood to give Tom a hug.

You pulled up Tom’s text, your fingers hovering over the keyboard. “Are you still in New York?” you text him. The two of you were there for interviews. You were even staying in the same hotel.

“I am.” He text back, but the ‘typing’ bubble stayed. “Did you watch it?”

“I did.” You answered. “Come over?”

You saw the ‘typing’ bubble pop up and then disappear a few times. Instead of a text, you heard a knock at your hotel door.

“So?” Tom asked when you opened the door. He looked nervous, a look you didn’t often see from him. He had his glasses on and his hair was an adorable mess. He was even already dressed in his night clothes.

You didn’t answer. Instead, you stepped forward and placed your hands on each side of his face, pulling his lips gently to yours. He quickly reciprocated, his hands finding your hips as he walked you backwards into your hotel room.

“And to think, I could have been doing that for a whole year already.” You teased him, connecting your lips again.

“Don’t worry, my sweet.” Tom answered, pressing kisses across your cheek and down your neck. His lips paused at the shell of your ear and his voice dropped. “It just means we’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

[bagadew]

The Great Ace Attorney Playthrough: The Adventure of the Great Departure (Part 3)

Last Time: We finally found Miss Brett, the English woman who’s present had been erased from the scene of the crime, and dragged her ass to court only to discover that she was a Massively Racist Bitch in a swan hat. After a lot of back and forth it became clear that Dr Watson Wilson actually died of poisoning, and that Miss Brett took advantage of the fact Japan currently doesn’t do autopsy reports to shoot his corpse in the chest and frame me (Ryunosuke) for the murder. Fortunately for us Hosonaga took the bottle from the crime scene, and after needlessly translating Miss Brett for the last hour (and presumably filtering out a lot of questionable content) was only to happy to produce it for the court. Unfortunately for us the poison wasn’t in the bottle, so it’s up to a lady in pink to save the day!

I’m going to roundhouse kick Auchi

I’m liking how everyone else in this room is just as done with Auchi as I am

Our saviour Ryunosuke, that’s who

Oh, that’s not a glass

Is it about poisons?

It is!

Ok so I’m pretty sure that Curare is incredibly powerful and fast acting poison (which lines up with what we know). Unfortunately I think it needs to be injected but I might be mixing it up with something else.

Susato’s actually given me the report now, which is probably a much more sensible way of getting information (rather than me trying to remember what I’ve picked up from Agatha Christie novels), and unfortunately it looks like I remembered correctly about it needing to be injected.

(Side note: how alarming is it that I’ve retained this much knowledge on poisons? I feel the need to explain that I’ve been reading and listening to audio dramatisation of Agatha Christie novels since I was about three, but I feel like that makes it worse)

What is curious though is it’s potential use as an anaesthetic. Given that Dr Wilson had just had a tooth removed with anaesthetic I wonder if there’s a connection there?

I’m not sure what it could be though, unless it turns out Miss Brett Weekend at Berniesed his corpse all the over way from the clinic.

GET HER ASS RYUNOSUKE!!!

Actually wait...

GET HER ASS JUDGE!!!

Auchi if we were to run this courtroom on things you know about we’d be running a kindergarten.

Auchi, you’d never even heard of Curare until I told you about it, be quiet while the grownups are talking.

Yeah, Curare is not a nice poison.

I’m not going to post the full explanation here, but wow, Kazuma’s really going all out with his description!

Also it looks like I misunderstood about it needing to be injected. Everyone’s saying that it can just be swallowed, which I guess that makes sense given how deadly it is.

Miss Brett’s being a bitch again (but what else is new) and Kazuma’s taking none of your shit and telling her that the feeling’s mutual. (Something I would have screenshot, but I was too busy calling Kazuma a legend to press the little square button.)

I knew it, it was only in the glass.

Yeah, now try it again from the glass you took.

Don’t worry Ryunosuke, I got this!

It’s ok Kazuma! Believe in me (Ryunosuke) and our beautiful friendship!

It astounds me too Kazuma, but for once I’m on to something!

Kazuma, please stop saying foreboding things, I need you to survive the next case and you’re already not being helped by the fact that you’re so much better than me. You’re so good you kind of render me, the protagonist, a little bit obsolete in fact.

PENALISED!

I guess I was wrong then! That bottle does somehow contain poison.

Yes Kuzuma, because I’m going to be penalised otherwise!

OH FUCK I’VE GOT IT!!!

I UNDERSTOOD CORRECTLY THE FIRST TIME!!!

IT DOES NEED TO BE PUT INTO THE BLOODSTREAM!!!

AND THE DOCTOR HAD A GAPING WOUND IN HIS MOUTH!!!

WHICH MISS JEZAILLE BRETT ADMITTED SHE KNEW ABOUT!!!

It’s finally time!

Let’s get her!

He’s got it!

GET HER ASS RYUNOSUKE!!!

She’s cracking!

Is it hatred Ryunosuke?

Ah no, my mistake - it’s lawyer rage conviction!

I know I’ve said this a lot but...

GET HER ASS RYUNOSUKE!!!!!!!!!!

HE DID THE THING!!!!!!!!

WE’RE USING HER OWN WORDS AGAINST HER

AND IT FEELS SO GOOD!

Oh good... she’s started laughing

Oh no. We’ve set things into motion haven’t we.

Kazuma, I can’t stress enough how important it is for you to take care of yourself in the case to come.

SHE’S DESTROYING THE EVIDENCE!

You can’t do that!

Oh who am I kidding, this lady’s been dancing on privilege since she walked in.

Oh Ryunosuke I think she might have done...

I knew she felt like an end of game villain!

Auchi’s about to catch these hands!

Kazuma’s telling us to step into our mind palace.

‘Is Kazuma right’, he thinks, as he remembers the blood on the plate.

I don’t know Ryunosuke? Is water wet?

You got it Kazuma!

I mean to be fair it did only just happen.

DID HE STEAL THE PLATE?!?

YES HOSONAGA!!!

YOU BEAUTIFUL GENIUS!!!

I do genuinely love these moments in Ace Attorney though. When everyone works as one to get some untouchable big fry. There’s something very rewarding about the whole thing.

Shit... she swapped it out...

Fortunately my man Hosonaga has everyone’s plates though!

Cheer up Ryunosuke, look, we have steak blood at least. And I’m sure Hosonaga’ll bring us the rest of the plates if we ask nicely. Especially after Miss Brett broke his bottle.

Miss Brett’s now making racist statements again.

But at least I’ve been given the steak to examine!

Bless you Kazuma

Ryunosuke what short of cats have you been looking at!

Get his ass (affectionately) Kazuma!

THE STOLEN COIN!!!

I KNEW SHE SWAPPED THEM!!!

(Also it looks like I was right about it being stolen by Nosa)

Didn’t know that was there, did you Miss Brett?

Now, dig your own grave with your words!

Now it’s time to dob Nosa in it. Sorry Nosa but you were kind of a jerk. Look on the bright side though, now’s your chance to redeem yourself in my eyes, like Hosonaga has!

Old man Korekuna’s armed and pissed!

Nosa I’m sorry. It’s best to throw yourself on his mercy now before I rile him up more. Use your baby to calm him if you must.

NICE CATCH NOSA!

I take everything back, Nosa your complete safe, old man Korekuna has no idea how to use that thing.

Ah, I forgot he was proficient in vase!

(Which I forgot to screenshot)

Never mind Nosa, you’re still screwed!

That is the right face to pull (Nosa not Hosonaga):

Look at him in the corner there. I feel bad now.

It was theft wasn’t it?

...oh Nosa what have you done?

(Kept food on his kids plate probably, given how he can’t afford childcare)

Nosa’s now accusing his infant son of being the mastermind... Sure Nosa, everyone’s bying that.

Either accusing a baby is a panic response, or I don’t need to feel so bad anymore.

Hosonaga how did you not immediately catch this guy?

HE SLIPPED THE COIN UNDER THE STEAK SO IT WOULDN’T BE FOUND WHEN HE WAS SEARCHED!

MISS BRETT’S TRYING TO WEASLE HER WAY OUT TO LUNCH AGAIN!

Oh thank god!

I thought for one terrible second we were letting her go.

(I’ve say it before and I’ll probably say it again, this is an intense first case)

Yes! ‘Her’ steak had a big bite mark in it!

But I thought and English Lady like yourself wouldn’t eat steak that way Miss Brett?

Of course, there’s a difference between the two photos.

I knew I could see the glass in the first one, which means it was taken before Miss Brett rearranged the table!

Oh, now Nosa’s saying that he switched the plates.

I must admit I didn’t expect that, I thought it was something Miss Brett did to remove the bloody evidence.

She’s cracking!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

YEEEEAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

IT WAS ALIVE!!!

BABIES!!!

BABIES EVERYWHERE!

Oh god... what’s she planning.

Your honour, she’s already poisoned one person, do you want to be next?

Kiss my ass Miss Brett

Get used to it Auchi.

HAHA!

DAMN KAZUMA

(Editor Note: I am very upset by how poorly my screenshots conveyed Kazuma destroying Auchi’s hairdo with his sword)

Also, were you always hot Kazuma?

Wait no - I can’t be thinking that. The bar for fictional men I like is the floor and if I want Kazuma to continue to live a long, happy, non morally ambiguous life, I need him to not fall into the category of ‘fictional men I find hot’.

For some reason, I picture it being blue and spiky your honour

Wait what’s this about Kazuma having a mission?

Oh fucking hell, I’ve doomed you to moral ambiguity haven’t I Kazuma?

Thank you for the backhanded compliment your honour!

Ooh, petals rather than confetti, that’s a nice touch!

We did it!!!

And most importantly of all, we’re being praised by Kazuma!

Susato! Our saviour! Has turned up, along with her father: the innocent Professor Mikotoba, who I would like to thank and to reiterate that he could never kill anyone!

Seriously though, what was the relationship between him an Dr Wilson?

Ah ok, I simply just had to click on to find out.

So apparently the two of them worked together in the same hospital in London for a while.

OH MY GOD KAZUMA’S TAKING THE SWORD WITH HIM TO GREAT BRITAIN!!!

YES KAZUMA! F THEM UP!!!

(Also if your journey tragically ends in the customs office there’s a non-dead-Kazuma reason for me to go in your place.)

Oh fuck, she got off didn’t she...

I knew it

Of fucking course...

So basically she’s going to get off with a slap on the wrist. That’s what I’m getting from all of this.

Yep

Ah, but what you’ve failed to understand Kazuma is that the British Government and 99% of those people in power, are hypocritical dirtbags who will change the rules to suit them.

OK TEAM LETS GO GET HER ASS!!!

FINAL BOSS! FINAL BOSS!

Now on to the party with Kazuma!

And also Hosonaga apparently. Who is clinging onto his waiter job even though the case he was investigating is solved. Look like Ryunosuke was right about money being tight.

Hosonaga, do you not have a job anymore?

Were your superiors upset when you said ‘fuck the government’ and bought Miss Brett to us? Or was it your one man forensics team shtick that upsets them?

Oh yeah, we never did find that out did we?

Kazuma Asogi I forbid you from charging me with looking after your sister, of for that matter anything, incase something happens to you!

Fortunatly for us Hosonaga is here! Diving in-front of that Kazuma shaped plot bullet with promises of food!

Ryunosuke over here, taking the cases final moments to roast Hosonaga.

I think we’re even now Satoru, my second favorite character.

I don’t want to click to the next text box.

OH FUCK!

Oh wait, false alarm everyone!

I genuinely thought that the case was going to end with something like: but little did I realize that he never would.

Anyway that’s enough worrying about Kazuma! For now let’s enjoy the fact we’ve finished this bastard hard first case!

We’re moving on to Episode 2: The Adventure of the Unbreakable Speckled Band next!

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

Love on the Line - Part 6

A/N: It’s finally here!!!

MASTERLIST      P1         P2           P3          P4          P5

Henry Cavill x Reader

If I keep tagging you and you’re not interested or want to be tagged; please let know!

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: heartache, language, angst, a pinch of lovey dovey fluff, cliffhanger 

*****************************

“Ohhh myy god…it’s official. This is the best burger of my life, hands down.”

What could easily be perceived as orgasmic music delightfully made its way to his ears. Seb chuckled studying the beautiful girl across from him admiring her combination of burger grease, ketchup, and mustard staining her chin. Y/N was too lost in the delicious meal to notice Seb gleefully watching her. In an instant his hand wiped away the condiment catching Y/N by surprise. She smiled bashfully blushing.

“Told you I knew a place.”

She sighed genuinely happy in them moment; “I could die a happy girl tomorrow because of this sweet, juicy perfection of a burger. All thanks to you.”

“What can I say? I have good taste.”

“And how did you run across this wonderous joint? Kinda feels off the beaten path.”

“Well, when you fly as much as me you learn to ask around. I never trust the internet when it comes to what I put in my body. I like to know what and where the locals scavenge for a tasty meal.”

“You continue to surprise me …I admire your style, Seb. Original, classy, and you no doubt just about charm the pants off any person who walks your way.”

“Is it working now?” He flashed his most flirtatious smile devouring another sweet potato fry.

Quick on her feet, she shot back with wit and attitude; “Should it be?”

“I gotta say Y/N, I’ve never been happier to wake someone up on a plane until I met you.”

“Damn, you’re suave, Seb. Fucking suave.”

Her eyes bulged from their sockets at her crude choice of words; “Shit, I’m sorry. Ah, fuck.”

His laugh flew through the air like wind on a crisp fall evening; her cheeks flushed.

“I’m not usually such a sailor. Guess you bring out the best in me.”

“I don’t mind a bit. In fact, I kinda like that I fluster you if I’m being honest.”

“So smooth. Are you sure you’re not from LA?  I get the sense that’s a requirement in these parts?”

He shook his head in stark disagreement; “Nope, sorry to disappoint you. Just a common foreigner.”

“And a handsome one at that.”

Shocked at her boldness, Y/N stared down at the remnants of food moving her fries as a distraction from his adorable gaze.

“I haven’t felt this at ease in …well I can’t remember. It’s nice.”

“Couldn’t agree more. I never actually asked what brings you here?”

Seb nervously scratched the back of his head; “Uh, work. Like I said, I travel pretty frequently. Hollywood is a hub of sorts for me. What brings you here?”

“Okay, okay, I’ll take the hint and pry later. Well, I’m a writer and some big exec wants to discuss the rights to my book series. So, yeah.”

“Y/N, that’s amazing! Are you secretly a super hero, part of the Avengers maybe?”

“Hahah, flattery will certainly get you far. No doubts there.”

“You’re too kind, Y/N. I’m definitely far from perfect.”

“Good. Perfection is overrated. Flaws are attractively imperfect. I mean at the end of the day we’re only human.”

“Consider me intrigued. I’ve gotta stop by a bookstore and check you out now!”

“Oh, hush! If you must know, I try to keep a low profile. So, uh, how long are you here for?”

“A couple days. I’ve got a bit of free time after my meeting tomorrow and thinking of hitting some trails while I’m here. Don’t get me wrong, LA is cool and all, but kinda suffocating. I try and maintain my distance if possible.”

“Oh, you’re preaching to the choir. The hustle and bustle of London is the literal definition of overwhelming. Countryside getaways were my one true savior. Sometimes London feels like an overpacked sardine can just waiting to explode.”

“So why did you stay?”

Y/N bit her lip trying to keep quiet. She hadn’t once though of Henry since meeting Seb. The lump in her throat appeared by just the mere mention of her subconscious. A part of her wasn’t ready to reveal the ache left beneath her exterior.

“Friends and family. What else ties a person to one place?”

“Love? A relationship?”

His coyness was flattering. She gave into his curiosity.  

“Are you asking if I’m single?” Her feigned expression was enough to send him into a fit of harmonious laughter.

“Maybe, maybe not. Depends on your answer, I guess. Part of me believes you’re too good to be true which usually means taken.”

“HA, no. Relationships and I are not on speaking terms at the moment.”

“Ah, sounds like heartbreak hotel is just around the corner….”

“I recently got out of a long-term relationship. So, to answer your question; Yes, I’m single and so not ready to mingle.”

“Are you assuming I’m hitting on you?” His shocked appearance made her question their entire encounter and if she’d been reading the signs wrong all along.

“Well, good thing I’m only here for the coffee and platonic company, hm?”

Seb raised his mug in salute as her stress magically melted away; “Break-ups suck. But allow for a real opportunity to see who you really are. Pain can be a bitter reminder of sadness and strength.”

“Wow, philosophizing so soon into our newly found friendship? A man after my own heart!”

Y/N playfully placed her hand over her heart, smiling for particular reason.

“How about if you’re interested and only 100% positive you aren’t sick of my company; we do dinner or even drinks? Whichever the lady chooses.”

Seb motioned in jest. Y/N tried to remember the last time she’d felt so carefree unable to pin down an exact memory. For far to long Y/N trapped herself in a fog allowing Henry to rule over her even when he wasn’t physically there. It had to stop, she had to quit placing him on a pedestal if she had any luck of moving on from their failed love affair. One torturous long minute passed as Seb’s nerved ramped up.

“Shit, I’m that weird dude, now. Forget I asked and let’s chalk it up to an amazing afternoon as strangers who leave this diner and head back to our own separate lives without consequence?”

Again, Y/N was speechless contemplating what she truly wanted to do next.

“First things first, stop blubbering, you seriously are ungodly handsome. And on second note, our chance meeting was unexpected but kinda sorta awesome. I’d love to see you again. I can’t recall the last time I’ve felt so free…and don’t even get me started on the belly aches due to your comedic skills.”

“Damn, a woman that speaks her mind. Are you sure you’re not in politics?”

“Nope, never, no thank you. Sooo, it’s a date?”

Seb furrowed his eyebrow in pleasant surprise; “You said it, not me.”

Y/N rolled her eyes; “Yeah, yeah. What do the kids say nowadays…. YOLO?”

“Yes, and please never say that again.”

A napkin holder was placed strategically resting against the window sill. Seb signaled to their middle-aged waitress; “Pardon me, do you have a pen handy?”

“Course, darling. Anything for ya.” She winked dropping the pen on the edge of the checkered table leaving them to privacy. He scribbled his number on the grainy piece of paper and slid it her way.

“I’ll leave the ball in your court and pass the privilege of reaching out to confirm details.”

“Wow, and they say chivalry is dead? Obviously not in Romania.”

“What fine establishment do they have you shacking up in?”

“Chateau Marmont. Long story short, my publisher fully embraces and understands my introverted nature and love of historical hotels. Call me an oddball.”

“Oddball.”

They snickered like school children slowly understanding their time was coming to a close. A power, a force of sorts gravitated Y/N towards him. He felt the same way.

“I happen to think women who especially history buffs are so incredibly magnificent. I haven’t met many as beautiful as you.

Their flirtation skyrocketed like flicks of fire firing between them.

“Knowledge is like your super power…. also, intelligent women are a complete turn on.”

She swatted his arm smiling like a kid in a candy shop.

“Come on, let’s get outta here. I’ll drop you off.”

He offered his hand helping Y/N to her feet. She lingered a second too long. With Seb a couple steps behind her, she missed the clinch of his fists and Seb’s reddened cheeks.

---The Next Day---

No luxury was forgotten as Y/N observed her decadent hotel room, but no matter how comfortable the memory foam or high thread count sheets, Y/N tossed restlessly the whole night. Her anxieties attacking her mind at every possible angle. Worry engulfed her clutching on her own insecurities. Her fear? 

That she’d walk into David Fincher’s office and leave very humiliated and very far from home. Henry’s ghost loitered just out of reach. A ghost can be many a thing; a memory, a daydream, a secret, but most times, a wish. Old or new. But that was the past, memories she must let go of.

Y/N stared at the ceiling wishing her bed to open up and swallow her whole finally dozing off to her temporary dreamland. But sunlight painted the walls like a colorful painting. She stretched and moaned at the sensations of her waking bones.

Making her way to the bathroom, Y/N’s phone chimed forcing her to circle back towards the obnoxious device.

Seb: Buna dimineata prietene! (Good Morning, friend)

Y/N: Romanian? So early in the morning. How dare you sir?

Blinking dots ran across the screen as Y/N waited impatiently for his witty response.

Seb: Never too early for greatness. As they say in the theater, break a leg! But not an actual leg because I might be looking forward to our date. Okay, good luck with the meeting!

Y/N: Thanks for the good juju. Same to you! Call you later.

She unconsciously rubbed at the tender swell in her chest, the fluttering in her belly kicking wildly. Butterflies. It’d been ages since she’d been this excited and it surprised Y/N. Maybe she was ready for something more…Y/N shook her head ridding herself of such silly thoughts. She knew better than to rush full steam ahead.

    ---Later that day---

The fourteenth floor was decorated to architectural perfection. Every space had its purpose and the décor elegantly stylish.  There she stood in the presence of cinematic greatness! As Y/N was about to pinch herself, she heard an echo of a name. Looking up, she searched for the unknown voice before landing on an enthusiastic figure waving her direction.

“Y/N! So nice to finally see you in person. I’m Meg.”

“Meg, so glad to put a face to a name. Thank you for having me.”

Both women walked down a hallway lined of glass walls smiling at those who looked up.

“David has talked nonstop about your series. So much so that I ended up devouring your books in three days. You’re freaking brilliant!”

“You really think so? I worked my ass off to get it through any publishing house. I was on the verge of chucking my ideas in the trash and getting an actual job that paid real money if it wasn’t for a last-ditch effort.”

“I’ve blocked off a thirty-minute window before his next meeting begins. He’s booked back-to-back today but by no means feel rushed. He hates when I push him. Don’t tell him I said that.”

Her head bobbed nonchalantly taking notice of the stunning scenery from the 17th level.

“Alright, here goes nothing.”

“Best of luck, Y/N.”

Meg knocked; “Come in!”

“David, this is Y/N.”

“Thanks, Meg. Close the door behind ya, we’ve got loads to discuss.”

David extended his hand towards Y/N’s shaking firmly. Y/N reminded herself to breath and to quickly find her manners.

She stuttered trying to remember common speech causing David to laugh aloud.

“Ms. Y/N, you okay?”

“Yyess—just a tad shell shocked. I mean, I can’t believe I’m standing in a room with the David Fincher. Unbelievable, really. Thank you for taking the time to meet with me.”

“I should be the one thanking you. You wrote one hell of a series that I trust can be transferred stunningly over to the silver screen where it can be fully appreciated. I’ve never seen someone mold together so many genres with such ease yet adding a layer of complexity. You, young lady, kept me guessing every twist and turn. That doesn’t happen too often if you catch my drift.”

“I-I, it’s just nice all those late-night writing sessions and waiting tables paid off. I’ll have you know I was on the verge of giving it all up and going back to school.”

“So, let’s get down to details. My team and I have come up with an offer that is totally open for negotiations.”

David slid a piece of paper into view. Y/N stared at the parchment gob smacked. Her jaw fell open at the written proposal.

“Holy shit.” Her eyes snapped up at her vulgar language; “Shit! I don’t mean to be impolite.”

“Ha, it’s a bit flabbergasting upon first glance but I promise you I want to do everything in my power to make this work for both parties.”

“Am I…am I reading this correctly?”

“Indeed, $10 million for the first two films, advancing to an additional $13, $15, $17 million for the last three. Of course, aiding us in the writer’s room to make sure we bring your story to live through your eyes. This will undoubtfully increase book sales across the board, I’d say upwards of $60 million if all goes accordingly. Also, I didn’t forget about making you an executive producer.”

“You’re kidding me, riight? Am I dreaming?”

“You’re gonna be a big deal once the tabloids get their sticky fingers on this. I mean this is going to skyrocket you to the likes of Stephenie Meyer and Suzanne Collins status. I mean, I had to outbid Peter Jackson just for a chance at directing this masterpiece. Darling, you’re all Hollywood can talk about right now.”

“Wow, I’m, uh, seriously grateful. I guess I’ve been shacking up in London far too long. I don’t really read celeb gossip so needless to say I’ve been in my own bubble.”

“A huge thank you goes out to Henry Cavill for pitching the initial idea. He helped get the recognition you deserve. Nice fellow, that one.”

Momentary shock came over her face, mouth still agape; “He—Henry had a hand in this?”

“Most certainly. He was the one who brought it to my attention. Of course, he mentioned the desire to work with me was motivation enough, but genuinely, he seemed passionate about the project.”

“I-I had no idea.” Switching gears as fast as possible Y/N trotted forth; “So realistically, when can we get the ball rolling?”

“Once the proper documents are signed and stamped, we’re good to go. If negotiations aren’t necessary, I’d say within the next month or so we can start casting calls, booking air fare, figuring out destination shoots, getting a manuscript going. It comes together faster than people think. How about this; you mull it over, call whoever you need, and get back at me in the next couple of days. Sound good?”

“Sounds more than good! I think I’ll be forever be in your debt, Mr. Fincher.”

“Please, call me David. We have a long road ahead of us that has truly stoked a fire in me, all thanks to you.”

Her nerves triumphed pushing Henry to the back of her mind. Y/N had bigger fish to fry.

“May I be frank with you, David?”

“By all means.”

“As you probably know Henry’s my ex-fiancée. Is it true you’re possibly considering him for the lead role?”

David looked around quizzically composing himself.

“I figured we’d have to address the elephant in the office. Yes, I was aware and I didn’t consider him to be malicious. He’s a genius actor and I figured it was worth a chat. But if you’re worried about anything, just say the word.”

“No, no. I wouldn’t want to jeopardize his successes. I agree, he’s an untapped actor full of surprising talent. I’ll be okay.”

“You promise?”

“Yep.”

“Great! Rest assured he isn’t even in the country. Believe he’s still galivanting about London.”

Silently pleading to change the subject, Y/N snapped out of it as quickly as she flew in to.

“This is a dream come true. I’m really looking forward to working with you and bringing my story to life.”

The squeaky hinge of the door alerted her to Meg’s foreboding presence. Taking a cue, Y/N stood up shaking David’s hand beaming like a child on Christmas Eve.

“I’ll be in touch, Y/N. Until then, enjoy your stay. Venture out. You’ll find LA isn’t all plastic and bullshit.”

“Oh, thank god. For a second I was getting nervous.”

“Haha! Meg, next appointment here?”

“Yes, he’s right around the cor--.”

“Y/N?”

She searched for the familiar voice unable to pin it down.

“Seb!? Wha...what are you doing here? I thought you had that big meeting today?”

“Uh, I do. That’s why I’m here.”

Sebastian nervously scratched his neck. Bewildered and thoroughly confused Y/N pushed on; “Wait a minute…. Are you an ...?”

“Actor, yes.”

“Whoa, whoa whoa. Wait.”

“Holy shit. You’re Shirley Lovecraft. Catchy pseudo name. So, you’re the brains behind this witty madness. What an interesting turn of events if I do say so myself, a happy one.”

“Agreed. I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you. Kinda embarrassing.”

“Don’t. A perfect afternoon with someone who wasn’t using me for fame or money? Did I mention you look breathtaking today?”

Her cheeks fumed with heat stirring her butterflies back to life. Seb’s hand stilled on her waist unwilling to let go as they continued gazing at the other.

“Earth to Seb?

Seb broke eye contact first glancing over at David. Y/N was too busy memorizing the glimmer of his cobalt blue eyes.

“Yes, ah! So rude of me. Hello there, so great of you to squeeze me in. I appreciate it.”

He directed his attention towards Y/N once more leaning close to the shell of her ear; “Still on for drinks later?”

“Definitely.”

His wink sparked a jolt to her core leaving her weak in the knees. Somehow, some way, Y/N mustered enough confidence to walk without tripping. She glowed the whole walk to the elevator. Y/N pressed the button too lost in thought to hear the quiet ding of arrival strolling straight into a hard chest. Enormous hands grasped her shoulders; “Oh! Apologies Ms.”

“No, it’s my fault. I wasn’t paying atten—oh shit.”

Only one particularly charming British accent that could send a chill down her spine, one very distinguishable voice indeed. 

“Y/N?”

Time froze icily still.

“What the fuck? Henry??”

~~~~~~~~~~

Tags:  @thedeadhearted @giveusbackourbucky @henry-cavill-obsessed  @onlyhenrys @omgkatinka @thereisa8ella @threeminutesoflife @homewreckingwreck @gemini0410 @maan14@bluegalaxyprime @sofiebstar @whyyykitkat @encounterthepast  @readermia @ly-canthropewrites @scorpionchild81 @henrythickcavill @snowbellexx @stephartrave @agniavateira  @cap-barnes @henryfanfics101  @mary-ann84 @westcoast-nightowl @poledancingdinos  @justaboringadult @peakygroupie  @nalathefirefly @vikingsbifrost @bloodyinspiredfuck @moderapoppins @cooldiva1234 @icedcoffeeismythang @titty-teetee @summersong69 @kaatelyyynn @missursulacalmet @michelehansel @iloveyouyen @shyshu @star017 @raynosaurus-rex @radkesgirl83 @starrynite7114  @wheretheriversrunintothesea @i-love-scott-mccall  @darkbooksarwin @ellieseymour70 @designerwriterchic @studywithrosie01 @dangerouslovefanfic @lebguardians @crazybutconfidentaf @hen-cavill  @cavill-sass @oh-for-fic-sake @icedbottles @buckysgoldenheart @brexrif @gryffindorwriter @laketaj24 @foxyjwls007 @lawsofthejungle @henrycavillfanpage @kaboogie21 @fangirl199812 @gothicninibalor @qualitynightkoala @strictlybuckybarnes @toomanyfandomsshreya @hersilencescreams-blog​ @viking-raider​ @sesamepancakes​  @madbaddic7ed​ @fuckoffbard​ @funfickgirl22​ @inlovewithhisblueeyes​ @wolvesandhoundshowltogether​ @hoeforhenry​ @henrycavills-babe​ @abschaffer2​ @loving-this​ @one-of-those-fanfiction-blogs​ @lovelycavills​ @beck07990​ @bokillylovesloki​ @michelehansel​

[footballfanfictions]

The thrill of the chase - Chapter Two

Pairings: Mason Mount/OC, Ben Chilwell/OC

Authors Note: Sorry that this has taken a little longer than anticipated and thank you so much for all the love for the first part.

--------------------------------------------------------------

One of the main drawbacks of working with social media, is that you are always on social media and you’re constantly bombarded with information and images that make you feel downright crap about yourself.

I’d been asked to take over the instagram page of one of the high profile players at the club and his entire feed was just one supermodel and influencer after the other with the odd footballer thrown in to balance it out. They were all so stunning that it truly made me feel awful about myself, how could it not? My salary was pretty good for a new graduate but not quite good enough for weekly manicures, lip fillers and hair extensions and my time management wouldn’t stretch for that either, I barely made my eyebrow wax appointments.

I was trying to avoid looking at the player’s DMs while I posted a few pictures from the pre-season training sessions to his feed, but the notifications pinging every few minutes was getting quite annoying.

Has it been Brianna with access to his account and not me, she would have gone straight to his messages to read them. I preferred to live in blissful ignorance to the sleazy ways of the men around me. I already felt like finding a good guy was absolutely hopeless.

I had been renting a flat and I was saving for a deposit to buy a house, hoping that by the time I had saved up enough to buy that I would have found the right person to live with. If I were to attempt this alone, with London house prices I would be around  60 by the time I had saved enough alone.

The message notifications continued to come in and whoever Sam was, she was really keen.

I logged out after posting the final image and prayed I wouldn’t have to go into it again. The less I knew about their private lives, the better. It would be pretty awkward to be sat in the staff and players’ family box at a game knowing that the wife of someone I knew was cheating was close by. Best to steer clear of those complications.

Brianna hadn’t visited my office at all and by 12 I was both worried and hungry and decided to go looking for her.

I tried the kit room first but it was empty and surprisingly tidy. Dave kept a tight ship and liked everything to be in its place but it wasn’t often possible with the sheer volume of kits that needed to be looked after.

As I backed out of the kit room and closed the door, I felt something hit me in the back.

“Sorry” mumbled the voice from behind me. “I was looking for Dave, I need a new top.”

I knew who it was but I didn’t really want to turn around and look at him.

“They’re not in there, I was just looking for him and Brianna too.” I responded in an emotionless tone, shrugging.

“Why are you being so weird?” he asked.

I turned to face him then and gave him a look of contempt before I answered him. “Maybe I just don’t enjoy spending time around footballers?”

“No offence love, but I think you might be in the wrong job if that is the case.” he put his hand on the door, next to my head where I was practically pinned against the door by how close he was to me. Only then did I realise that the training top that he was wearing was ripped, front he shoulder to his navel, the material hanging and exposing his toned chest and abs. I tried to look away but he had caught me looking and was now smirking.

“Maybe it’s just you that puts me off.” I shrugged as I ducked under his arm, escaping from my position between him and the door.

“You really don’t like me?” He huffed. “I don’t remember doing anything to offend you personally.”

“Maybe I’m offended that privileged young lads get money, fame and praise just for kicking a ball around a muddy field. Try something more impressive, like curing cancer or performing life saving surgery, ending world hunger, ending wars.” I groaned in frustration. Maybe that was the truth of it. Why should he get all the praise and admiration that he got, just for playing a sport? There were so many incredible people in the world doing, or working towards the things in that list that never got half the praise that Mason Mount did for kicking a ball.

He looked a bit dumb struck.

I went in again, “Maybe I don’t like you assuming that I should be into you, just because you’re Mason Mount, England and Chelsea midfielder. Maybe that’s what the girls in the club that throw themselves at your feet are into, but it’s not for me.”

I made to leave and he grabbed my hand and mumbled, “Sorry, I’ll leave you alone from now on.”

I didn’t respond. Just pulled my hand from his and stormed off towards the boot room, leaving him outside of the kit room in his ripped shirt.

“Fuck it smells like feet in here.” I complained, walking into the boot room with my nose pinched between my fingers in disgust.

“When I said that I liked shoes to dad, this is not what I meant.” Brianna laughed.

“What are you doing in here, I didn’t think boots were part of your job?” I asked, perching on one of the benches while Bri sat on the floor, sorting through a massive pile of boots to try and match up the pairs. They were in all sorts of bright colours and differing sizes. If I had to guess, I’d guess that she had been at her task for hours.

“Dad and the boot guy had some sort of emergency” she shrugged.

I laughed at that, wondering what kind of emergency you could have that involved kits and boots. Maybe they hadn’t ordered the right brand or something and one of the stars wasn’t going to get his cash from his boot deal if they didn’t find him the right pair.

There was a little tap on the sliding glass door that lead out onto the pitches and stood there was the guy from the other day that had held the door to the cafeteria open for us. He looked a little sheepish.

“Are you going to let him in?” I asked Bri, trying to unbury her from the pile of boots by throwing some of them into a pile, all of the orange ones in one corner, the yellow in another pile and pink in another and so on.

“Oh yeah.” she said, standing and brushing herself off, and adjusting her skirt that rode up her thighs slightly. The guy had noticed and I watched as he tried to look away and then down at his feet. At first I hadn’t thought that his shyness was that genuine. Footballers were all confident cocky little shits in my book, I’d never met one that was shy and unsure of himself.

Bri unlocked the door and let him in.

“I’m sorry to bother you, but only one of these fits” he said, holding up a pair of lime green boots and giving Bri an apologetic smile.

“Oh shit” she said, taking the pair from him and inspecting them. “I’ve given you one 10 and one 9.5.” she looked through the pile of lime green boots until she said “aha!” triumphantly brandishing another size 10 boot. “Here you go my love.”

That as just Bri’s way, she called everyone little pet names all the time, but he didn’t know that and he was blushing profusely and I was almost certain that his hands were shaking as he laced the boots up.

“Thank you so much.” he mumbled, looking like he was about to die of embarrassment. He turned to walk back out of the sliding door, but hadn’t realised that Bri had shut it behind him, so he ended up walking straight into the glass, hitting it with enough force to emmit a cracking noise from his nose which was suddenly streaming with blood.

I jumped up from my seat and crossed the room to him, avoiding the piles of boots the best that I could, not wanting to add myself to the casualty list.

I had an unused tissue in my pocket, that I took out and pressed to his nose. It was instantly bright red and the blood poured straight through it.

“Bri can you go and warn the medical room that we need to bring him down?” I asked.

She nodded in agreement and rushed out of the room.

I put my arm around his waist and guided him back over to the benches. He sat down and I slipped my cardigan off. It was a very thin material and already a deep shade of red. I didn’t let him protest as I replaced the tissue with my cardigan. It was the best that we had, and he looked like he was in a lot of pain.

“I’ve never seen anyone get that flustered before.” i laughed, sitting down beside him. He managed to give me a pained grin.

‘It’s Bri isn’t it? Is she why you were waiting by the canteen door the other day?” I asked gently, patting him reassuringly on the back. “I wanted to send her out of the room so that I could ask you, and also to reassure you that you shouldn’t be embarrassed about this. I’ve seen Bri do a lot more embarrassing things. She’s always falling over and hurting herself. You would make quite the pair.” I laughed.

He shook his head and mumbled “I can’t ask her out”.

“Why the hell not?” i scoffed.

“She has a boyfriend doesn’t she?” he shrugged, looking really sombre.

“Ah no, not anymore. Things are definitely over between her and that prick, and between you and me, if she ever gets back together with him, I’ll give her a matching broken nose.” I bumped shoulders with his, trying to cheer him up, just as Bri came back into the room and told us that the medical room were waiting for him.

“Can you come with me?” he asked, not talking to Bri, but to me instead.

“Sure, I would do anything to get out of work this afternoon. Our twitter page today is just full of fans that are disappointed that we didn’t use the Hazard money to sign Messi.” I laughed, getting up and guiding him towards the door.

“Can we catch up later?” I asked Bri before leaving the room, she nodded and told me she would be free all evening.

As we walked down the corridor I said to him “See, no plans to see a boyfriend” and he blushed again.

One of the medical assistants rushed out to meet us and guided him into the room exclaiming “Billy, what the hell? How have you done that?”

He shrugged, clearly feeling embarrassed about how he had injured himself. So when they looked over at me for clarification, I shrugged too.

Billy wasn’t the only player needing the use of the treatment room. As he sat down on one of the chairs, I noticed that Ben was in there too.

The medic went about dabbing Billy’s nose and he cried out in pain.

“Sorry about your cardigan.” he said, looking down at the red material on his lap. He didn’t need it now that he was getting patched up.

“Honestly don’t worry about it Billy.” I grinned.

The medic then mumbled something about needing something and left the room.

That gave Billy a bit more confidence to talk about what had happened.

“And thank you for the advice about your friend.” Billy seemed a bit happier as he said that, and I could see Ben out of the corner of my eye looking over at us as Billy spoke.

“Please tell me you’re going to ask her out!” Ben laughed.

I turned to look at him and smiled. “You know?”

Ben nodded and looked at Billy with a horrified expression “Oh god, you asked her out and she punched you.”

I shook my head. “Not exactly.” I said.

“The boyfriend was here for some reason, and he punched you?’ Ben went on, standing up and coming over to Billy. He walked with a slight limp.

He stood in between us.

“Why are you in here if you don’t mind me asking?” I looked down at his leg while asking the question.

“It’s my hamstring, nothing too serious.” He smiled.

“Don’t laugh at me when I tell you how I did this.” Billy warned, pointing at his nose. “I walked into a sliding glass door that I thought was open, all because she gave me a pair of boots and called me love.” he groaned, covering his face in embarrassment.

Ben laughed and clapped Billy on the back with his hand. “Oh mate, no wonder you’re embarrassed.” he then addressed me, asking “Just how cringy was it?”

I shook my head before answering him, “I honestly don’t think it was that bad. Bri is pretty oblivious sometimes and I don’t actually think she realised the real reason for you hurting yourself. So if you were to pluck up the courage to speak to her, I wouldn’t even bring it up.”

_________________________________________________________

The next day, I was looking out at the training pitches while I waited for the coffee machine to finish making my drink when there was a gentle tap on my door.

I crossed the room and opened it, expecting it to Bri or maybe even the club photographer giving me some new pictures of the squad to use, but it was Ben.

“Hi, are you free?” he asked, giving me one of his sweet smiles.

“Yeah come in.” I said, stepping back into my office and letting him pass me so that I could hold the door open.

“That coffee smells nice”. He remarked.

“Do you want one? Or did I put you off the other day?” I smiled.

“Ah no thanks, and no you didn’t put me off. I’ve never really liked the stuff. I like the smell of coffee, it just doesn’t taste as good as it smells.” as he spoke I realised that he was holding something in a plastic bag.

He realised that I was looking at it. “It’s your cardigan. I washed it for you at home. Think I got all the blood out but it’s red so I can’t really tell.”

I was for once, speechless. It was a small gesture but it was really kind all the same. I thought about making a witty remark about it actually being his mother or an employed cleaner that washed it for him but I just couldn’t bring myself to.

“Thank you, you didn’t have to do that. It’s only an old primark cardigan.” I said, taking the bag from him.

I suddenly felt a bit flustered in his company. He had that charming smile and didn’t really look like a cocky footballer to me. He didn’t act like one much either, he was just kind of like the guy next door, or the guy you would see on Tinder with a picture of him with his mates at the only photo on the profile so you couldn’t tell which one you were swiping for.

In all honesty, he kind of reminded me of my ex boyfriend Rory. He had the same sort of look, and they had similar accents. Maybe it was nostalgia that made me find being around Ben comforting.

‘I think your coffee is done.” he said, gesturing to the machine.

I nodded and walked over to the machine, taking the cup and adding some creamer and sugar. As I stirred the cup, he leant against my desk and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Something is bothering me if I’m honest.” he said.

“What is it?” I asked curiously.

“Mason said that you told him that you hate all footballers because we’re privileged and get too much clout for what we do.” He looked slightly disappointed in me. “Thing is, I don’t entirely disagree with you. Maybe we do get paid too much for what we do, and maybe doctors and nurses deserve way more praise than we do. I also don’t think that you hate all footballers. You were really kind to Blly yesterday and he won’t forget that in a hurry. You really helped him.” he continued.

“I don’t hate Billy, and I don’t think I hate you either.” I said quietly, taking a sip of my coffee.

“That is interesting.” he grinned, as he took one of my hands and guided me over to him, to stand in between his legs where he now sat on the edge of my desk.

Instinctively I put my coffee cup down and he put his arms around my waist.

“It’s interesting?-” he cut me off before I could say anything else, by pressing his lips against mine. The kiss is soft and gentle and lasts only a few seconds. He testing me and my brain is going in so many different directions. Am I actually going back on all of my principles and kissing a fucking footballer right now? And am I only doing it because he reminds me of my ex?

He moves to pull away, breaking the contact between our lips and I let out the tiniest whimper before putting my hand on the back of his head and pulling him back in for more. This time his tongue slips past my parted lips. My hand at the back of his head grips a generous handful of his hair and one of his hands makes its way to my bum.

My body feels like it is on fire. It has been a bloody long time since anyone kissed or touched me, and I hadn’t quite realised just how starved of affection I had been until I got a taste of it, a taste of him.

The telephone on my desk started to ring,and although I tried to ignore it, I just couldn’t. My job meant a lot to me and if it were Marina or someone of equal importance I would be chastised for missing the call.

We broke the kiss at the same time and I apologised to him. He grinned and fired back that I didn’t need to apologise and that he needed to get back to training, and by the time I picked up the phone, he was gone.

[watchtheblog]

play dough

when i was 7 or 8 years old, a girl asked me what my allowance was and - after she explained what the fuck an allowance was - i told her i didn’t have an allowance because i was poor.

a few days later, my mother beat my asssssss for saying that. i guess the girl had told her mom… who then told my mom… who then beat my fuckin ass!

i have no idea how i knew that what we were was “poor” or who had made me feel like that, or if i even FELT like that, or if it was just a thing i knew to be true. i hardly have memories of being a kid, but we lived in a studio apartment as a family of four until i was 12 years old and we were - relatively speaking, for new york city - poor.

my parents were savvy with money — that’s why i went to a boarding school in london when my parents’ combined income was less than $100,000. my parents were also shady with money — that’s why i wasn’t allowed to go back to that school my senior year for 5 weeks because the tuition hadn’t been paid. and that’s why i’m paying back loans my parents took out in my name to pay for my education at columbia.

yesterday i posted a DM from someone asking how i “fund” my vacations. i responded that i fund my vacations the way i assume everyone does: with money made from working. i also wrote a caption explaining succinctly what i’m rambling on about here now.

someone who i guess can’t read responded accusing me of “being ashamed of being a rich kid”.

when i explicitly clarified that i am not a rich kid and that i have worked for everything i have, this stranger told me that my “schtick” of “driving a porsche, shopping at the supermarket erewhon, and spending weeks on vacation” makes my followers presume i live off family money.

when i read this message i was so convinced that my experience was not valid that i let a stranger gaslight me into believing driving a car, getting groceries, and going on vacation indicate family wealth… when i’m literally not the spawn of wealthy people.

none of those things are suggestive of someone who grew up privileged or rich, any more than they are of someone who has worked for their money.

like, yes, people with rich parents drive nice cars and go on vacation… but so do tik tok stars, and teenagers with youtubes. and so does ariana grande, go after her!

the only reason someone would equate these things to “being raised rich” is if the person were purposefully refusing to believe a human being is capable of being successful and making their own money.

the reason my mom beat me for saying i was poor was because i was “telling our business”. she cared so deeply what people thought of her, of us. no one should ever know when our lights get turned off, or when we don’t have dinner, or when we unplug the landline because debt collectors are calling.

obviously these are moments that don’t need to be shared with the world, but when you’re a child experiencing things and concurrently learning that they are secrets, your parents’ insidious shame surrounding money gets passed on to you. at a certain point, our commitment to keeping our issues with money a secret was the only thing that bonded us. 

we were doing the bow wow challenge before bow wow...

i’ve worked really hard to not have money be a source of shame for me, and to be independent and make a life for myself with no help from anyone so it’s anathema to me that a stranger would so flagrantly and erroneously try to discredit me and my accomplishments, which is why - to the chagrin of most of my friends - i am insistent on engaging with people about things that are none of their business.

also, like my mother, i care so deeply about what people think of me, so i responded to the message, clarifying that my parents are not rich, and that i am a writer. the stranger then told me that it’s unbelievable that my job as a QUOTE writer UNQUOTE would afford me this lifestyle.

i used to say “i’m a ‘writer’” when i was a personal assistant making $50,000 a year. i used to say it when i was a coat check girl making $200 a night. when i first moved to LA, and had no money, i ate one sweet potato a day and wrote nonsense that no one was paying me for for hours. i’d still tell people “i’m a ‘writer’.”

and i used to be embarrassed.

i’ve lived my entire life never being vocal about my accomplishments for fear of seeming like i’m bragging, or for the want to make myself small so others around me can feel big. i can never gas myself up unless it’s in response to someone tearing me down, but here we are so let me stand up:

i’m a writer. no quotation marks.

that’s how i make my living, that’s how i pay my bills, that’s how i support the family i support.

i’m also financially chaotic and reckless. (THIS IS NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE) up until a few years ago i had tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt from taking trips and vacations i knew i couldn’t afford. two summers ago i made $7500 in a few months on a random $600 stock investment ($FTSV). i took all that money and did the most new money thing i’ve ever done — i bought myself a diamond ring.

i eat microwave tortellini from trader joe’s five nights a week and no i’m not gonna play myself by posting that to instagram - but if you don’t believe me you can ask my friend austin because i send him a photo of it 3 out of the 5 nights.

i also go to europe on vacation every summer because i deserve to spend the money i make the way i want.

instagram is for posting your wins. you should want to see the people you follow on instagram posting their wins. and if your inclination to seeing someone win is to be jealous or incredulous, then you need to reevaluate what goes on in your house before trying to tear down theirs.

i came up. you can leave.

we been getting money :)

*** anyway! this entire thing is very tacky so if you really didn’t want to believe that i don’t come from money, you can BET someone with money would never ever expose themselves to the indignity of speaking about money like this. ta da!

[captaindibbzy]

Have a review of my London trip 2021.

The Big Waterstones.

The Big Waterstones is between 4 to 6 floors depending on how they have it stacked, including a basement (which is not always open) and a cafe on the top floor (which was not open this time). It is the biggest book shop in Europe and I highly recommend it.

Loop,

the amazing little knitting shop.

I spent £55 on two balls of the softest wool I have ever had the privilege of finding and I'm not even sorry.

If you like to work with yarn and you are in London go grope the balls at Loop.

They gave me the cutest cloth cotton bag for free with my order too :)

Frozen the Musical

A+ fantastic. I laughed. I cried. I saw about 2 dozen small children dressed as Elsa and another dozen dressed as Anna and the fucking set design my dudes, the set design. When else froze everything, the way the ice just traveled around the stage.

I didn't get any pictures of the stage cause I turned my phone off and I am very used to them saying Do Not, but they had some of the dresses outside and look at the detail on this.

Olaf is actually adorable on stage.

My hotel room is covered in confetti.

The British Museum

I took this at mid day. I have been in this museum at 9:30 in the morning and the exhibits don't open till 10, and it has been MORE busy than this.

I went to see the extensive Greek section and the very cool Chinese section.

GUESS WHICH AREAS WERE CLOSED! GO ON! GUESS! 😭 Both of them!!!!

So I went to revisit the Japanese section again which I do like.

Small raccoon dog dressed as a priest.

Funky little Kappa.

I have some pictures of the guardian pots but I'll put those up in their own post.

Afternoon Tea at Browns

Lots of food. Very delicious.

Minus points for Mysterious Substance Contamination in the cream.

And also they just give you a dinner knife and fork :| not even a spoon for the jam!

But the food was good.

I have a lot of opinions about afternoon tea.

Stay tuned because I do not have enough picture slots left to show you the national gallery. Uno momento.