#because people thought it was meaningless and unimportant

[notasapleasure]

A tale of two Georgias

Note: I wouldn't normally share subscriber-exclusive content from this news site, but I think Shota Kincha's opinions are too important to hide away in an exclusive email this time. If you're so minded, please consider supporting open journalism in the Caucasus anyway and sending some money OCMedia's way.

Highlighting is my own. Of course I support Georgia joining the EU, but absolutely not under conditions that ignore the recent rolling back of democratic freedoms.

---

By Shota Kincha, for OC Media.

On Wednesday, Georgians celebrated a long-awaited recommendation from the European Commission for their nation’s candidacy for EU membership, leaving the country’s candidacy pending just final approval from the heads of EU member states in mid-December. But the Commission’s assessment of the government’s ‘progress’ seemed to be based on wishful thinking, rather than its actions. 

On denying Georgia the status last year, the European Commission outlined 12 ‘priorities’ Georgia would need to address for the decision to be reconsidered — preconditions that largely reflected the spirit of the April 2021 agreement brokered by European Council President Charles Michel between the government and opposition groups.

When the unforeseen possibility for Georgia to formally apply for membership presented itself in early 2022, Georgia’s leadership had already failed on some of the key components of the previous year’s accord. 

Instead of addressing the ‘perception of politicised justice,’ an apparent euphemism for the imprisonment of opposition leaders, most notably Nika Melia in early 2021, the Georgian court imprisoned another prominent government critic, Nika Gvaramia, only five weeks before the European Commission was due to assess Georgia’s readiness for EU membership candidacy.

Instead of the ambitious judicial reform promised in the 2021 Michel deal and mentioned in the EU’s ‘12 priorities’ last year, the ruling Georgian Dream party has continued to shield corrupt judicial officials with a stranglehold on Georgian courts, resulting in more politicised administrative fines and criminal cases against civil activists, political leaders, media managers, or youth with ‘confused orientation’ who risked their freedom to defend Georgia’s pro-Western choice on the streets.

In the run-up to the European Commission’s latest decision on Georgia, the government and security services run by oligarch Bidzina Ivanishvili’s goons artificially created an anti-Western parliamentary group, gifted them private channel PosTV, and made violent extremist pro-Russian Alt Info immune to obstruction or challenge. 

If the last five years under Georgian Dream rule had been a steady decline in democratic freedoms, the government’s actions in the months since it applied to join the European Union — including their recent initiatives to clamp down on Georgia’s civil society and constrain protest — far surpassed any and all negative predictions.

But listening to President of the European Commission Ursula von der Leyen, one could have assumed she was discussing an entirely different country. 

Despite Georgia’s government persecuting free media, parroting Russian propaganda against the West, refusing to undertake institutional reforms in a way that included other groups and stakeholders, and satisfying only three of the twelve conditions set last year, the European Commission complimented them with no substantial criticism.

I do not believe the EU should approve Georgian membership candidacy later this year, as the move looks set to validate and entrench the government’s precipitous lurch towards authoritarianism. 

The European Commission’s approach may be based on the belief that denying Georgia candidate status could lead to Georgians becoming disillusioned with the EU and the West. But Georgians have been staunchly pro-Western for decades, perhaps even centuries. 

The real danger to Georgians’ trust in the West comes from the West’s indifference to anti-democratic moves by Georgia’s government, which, if left unchecked, will continue to use state institutions to slowly but steadily shift popular mood and policies towards Russia. 

Even were we to allow that recommending EU candidacy status was a justified decision in Georgia’s best interests, doing so did not obligate the institution’s leaders to legitimise the country’s government in the way they did.

Listening to the widely televised announcement by the European Commission on Wednesday, Georgians could reasonably have concluded that democratic backsliding, state capture by big capital, and a politicised judiciary are consistent with Georgia’s pro-Western aspirations, or that related warnings from local activists and media have been baseless or overblown. 

The announcement could also have created the impression that the ruling party has been delivering on reforms demanded by the EU, a powerful notion less than a year before the country’s next general elections. 

The truth is, however, that in inviting Georgia to join the club while neglecting to call out the government’s shortcomings, the EU is playing a dangerous game, and one it has played before. The EU does not want another Orban, and the South Caucasus definitely does not need another Aliyev.

I may be wrong: perhaps granting Georgia candidate status will still be a wise choice on the EU’s part. But even in its recommendation, the European Commission could have sent a clear message that business as usual would no longer be tolerated. 

What Georgia’s leadership heard instead will become abundantly clear in the coming months. 

[slashthrashandcrash]

your jedmeg art has truly opened my eyes to a whole new world...do you think you could share your thoughts on it? only if your up to it!

Yeah!! Yeah don't worry I am so totally normal about them and have not fixated on them at all with @unnamed-blob!!! <- said derangedly

Now first, you may be thinking "Slash, how does a man from the early 90s get together with a girl from (presumably) the late 2010s?" to which the answer is simple: what are you, a cop? It's my AU and time is meaningless here.

For the most part, it all starts off the same for the both of them -- Meg is a star athlete that declined to follow a scholarship to take care of her mom, while "Jed Olsen" is the friendly new reporter for the local paper and top journalist for the recent Ghostface killings popping up in the area recently. Maybe he was covering a fundraising marathon for a fluff piece that Meg happened to win, maybe they bumped into each other while Meg was out for a morning jog and Jed was still wide awake from the previous night to be mistaken for an early riser too; either way, they make small talk and hit it off.

A few orchestrated meet-cutes by Jed later and he's certain that Meg has successfully fallen for his current persona, totally head over heels for this kind, dorky, excitable new guy in town. It creates the perfect cover for him, an alibi to use when needed, someone he can manipulate into agreeing that yes, he was with them around these times and on these dates. If she starts getting troublesome, she'll end up on the chopping block.

But then the weirdest thing starts happening...he starts enjoying himself when he takes her out on dates. He likes seeing her with her hair down more. Her hand always feels so warm in his. It feels natural to kiss her rather than an act. He's not pretending to be the stereotypical good boyfriend, he genuinely is becoming a good boyfriend. Sure, he still stalks her, always have to keep tabs on someone that close to you when you have a dirty little secret, but he's realizing that he knows so many little things about her just from their hang outs and what she's told him. He's remembering all the unimportant details, because to Meg they are important.

It's a strange feeling. He's not sure if this is good or bad when it comes to his murderous hobby that she was intended to be a cover story for. One thing's for certain: The Ghostface killer has taken it up a notch by no longer stalking his victims from afar before slaughtering them. Or rather Meg is just one unlucky gal, because in the midst of his rampage she's been harassed by him on multiple occasions. Never killed, clearly, which is highly unlike his MO. Toyed with, teased, snide comments being made about her little boyfriend.

Meg is convinced this is Ghostface trying to blackmail Jed for reporting too closely to his slayings, but don't worry babe, she'll kick his ass if he ever tries to hurt you!! In reality, it's just to further solidify to her that Ghostface and Jed are obviously two separate people, so if people should ever start getting suspicious of Jed she'd be the first to jump to his defense. Besides, he's just can't help himself. She's so feisty and scared, a complete contrast to how she is with Jed, it's thrilling to watch such a pretty girl hiss and scratch under him. That's when he knows for certain that his own obsession had grown to full blown enamored.

[aamalaaa]

sunrises & liquor (m) | myg

worth it (you are)

pairing: yoongi x reader

series: sunrises & liquor

rating: m(18+); cursing, alcohol consumption, smut, explicit content

genre: bar workers au, barman yoongi au, (kinda) forbidden relationship, angst, fluff, smut

summary: after a failed academic pursuit and a few meaningless and disappointing relationships, you decided to go back to what you never thought you would: the bar industry. There you find a family, friends, heartache, misunderstandings and one particular barman who just won’t get out of your head.

warnings: cursing, alcohol consumption (duh), smut, dom!yoongi, switch!reader, dirty talk, biting, slapping, oral sex(f. receiving), protected sex(wrap it before you tap it folks), workplace sex, body worshipping(sort of), vomit inducing fluff, angst

a/n: YES, yes, two S&L updates in a week, a miracle. we’ve been waiting for it folks, they get nasty nasty. Also, quite a few exciting things happen(squeeeeeal) this was just very fun to write! I hope you enjoy, don’t forget to leave comments if you did! &lt;3

// thanks to my dear friend who beta’d for me, @lilredtot couldn’t have done it without you I love you<3

chapter word count: 6.9k *wink wink*

previous | next

-

-

You’re a hypocrite. Such a hypocrite.

Because you always tell people it’s ok to make mistakes, it’s human, and the only important thing is how we handle them, how we apologize and try to do better.

But as soon as Yoongi made a mistake, you dismissed him and cut him off. Yes, the way he acted was reproachable and he needed to take time to think about how his actions hurt you both.

He didn’t deserve the way you treated him though, like he’s disposable, unimportant. Because he’s not, god he’s not. He’s the most impressive man you’ve ever met, the most caring and attentive. He did fuck up, and you still weren’t sure if you could build anything on such a shaky foundation.

But wasn’t he worth a try?

Taehyung was right, you are closed off. Self-sabotaging even.

As soon as you saw a possibility, vulnerability, you squashed it down mercilessly. You did it without even realizing. You only understood a few days later, after pondering over what happened on Saturday night again and again.

Yoongi texted you on that night, to ask you if you had gotten home safe and you replied to tell him you did. Since then, it’s been radio silence between you both. You did tell him you needed space to think, he’s simply respecting your wish.

It still hurts though, and you’re a goddamn hypocrite.

You let out a dramatic groan as you turn around in your bed, burying your face in your best friend's chest.

“I don’t want to go to work tomorrow, please don’t make me,” Your voice comes out muffled.

Taehyung rolls his eyes, “No one’s making you do anything,” He strokes your hair softly. “You will have to face him at some point though, so why not make money at the same time. It’s a win-win situation if you ask me.”

You lift your head up and shoot him a panicked look. “I literally cannot face him, Tae, I was such a bitch to him. How do I even begin to apologize?”

“You say ‘Hey I’m so sorry I was a right cow with you, though you did kind of deserve it, can we talk’ and voila.” He says, matter-of-factly.

“Can you be serious,” You shoot him a deadpan look.

He sighs exasperatedly. “I am being serious. You overthink shit way too much, just be honest and straight to the point. You guys need to communicate better, start with that.”

“What if he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore?” You whisper.

Taehyung sends you a warm boxy smile, and it’s so comforting you can’t help but relax a little, loosening your hold on his stomach. “Somehow I doubt that.” He soothes.

You nod and lay your head on his chest. “I’m scared, Tae.”

He strokes your hair again as you close your eyes.

“I know.”

You wake up in a sweat, barely remembering your nightmares, though you know they must’ve been terrible to have you wake up in such a state. Taehyung’s long gone, he probably left as soon as you fell asleep.

You must’ve been exhausted not to notice him leaving.

You begrudgingly get up, glancing at the clock as you do, it indicates two in the afternoon.

“Fuck,” You curse out loud, realizing how long you’ve been sleeping.

You have two and a half hours to get ready and get to work. Not impossible at all, you just hate not having enough time to read a little, listen to music and peacefully drink your coffee.

You sigh as you make your way to the shower, almost falling asleep as you stand in it. You end up spending forty-five minutes in there, getting out only when the water gets too cold to stay.

You’re stalling, you know it, not looking forward to spending the night working with Yoongi. It’s completely pointless and stupid, you’re only cutting your own alone time short.

You spend the next hour and forty-five minutes getting ready. You’re so anxious you smudge your eyeliner and have to wipe your face clean and apply makeup all over again.

(“I fucking hate myself,” you whispered to absolutely no one but your pathetic self.)

And so, you get to the bar five minutes late, panting as you run down the street from your car to the bar, not bothering to go get coffee on the way. A decision you regretted immediately because how the fuck are you supposed to survive this night without coffee?

You almost fall down as you run into a crack in the pavement, barely managing to maintain your balance. Why does life hate you.

“Woah there,” Namjoon breathes out as he hurries towards you.

You shove your hair out of your mouth,

“I’m fine, I’m fine. Crisis averted."

“You look on the verge of a mental breakdown" He chuckles.

“Please don’t remind me," You aim for the door handle, only for Namjoon to stop you.

“I was joking." He shoots you a strained smile, no dimples. You prefer his real smile. “Are you okay?"

“Did Yoongi tell you?" You shyly ask.

His eyebrows shoot up. “Nah, I haven’t been able to talk to him all week. What happened?"

Your heart sinks, this isn't good.

“Nothing dramatic, don’t worry. Talk to you later, yeah?" You lie.

“Yeah, okay." He eyes you suspiciously before opening the door and letting you in. You jump up the stairs, very aware of your tardiness.

You sigh in relief when you don’t spot Yoongi and grin as soon as your gaze meets Jimin, quietly cleaning tables with a rag. You amble towards him, engulfing him in a tight hug from behind as soon as you reach him. He jumps at the contact, and swivels around, relaxing as soon as he sees you.

“Fuck you scared me," He brings a hand up to his chest.

You giggle. “I missed you Chimchim."

Jimin rolls his eyes but a wide grin stretches upon his cheeks. “We saw each other last monday, you big softie."

You pout and he laughs, flicking your nose playfully.

“Is Yoongi not here?" You bite your bottom lip.

“I’m here."

Jimin barely conceals his amusement as your eyes widen.

You swirl around towards the sound of his voice, your heart hammering in your chest as you mentally curse yourself. You meet his gentle gaze, which only worsens your overall state.

“Oh," You blush furiously. “Hi." This is pathetic, you’re pathetic.

“Hey," He retorts, eyes still focused on you.

Jimin eyes dart between the both of you before he sighs and continues wiping the tables clean. “This is painful to watch. You’re both coming to my place tonight whether you want it or not, and I’m locking you in my bedroom until you fucking talk."

“You’re kidnapping us?" Your eyes shoot daggers at him.

“Very rude," Yoongi grumbles. You think you can make out amusement in his tone.

A booming voice makes you jump as soon as it hits your ears.

“Ahhh, the best team is in the place," Jungkook chants, clearly not reading the awkward atmosphere.

Yoongi rolls his eyes, though you can see mirth swimming through them. “The best team should probably get ready for opening."

“Hey! I’m working“," Jimin huffs indignantly.

“Hyung, you’re no fun," Jungkook stares Yoongi down, which makes you cackle loudly.

“Yes, I’m the most boring person you’ll ever know. Now whoosh," He chases him away with his dirty rag.

You go to the employees lounge and get ready for the night, a little less nervous than you were before.

Funny how the man partly responsible for your nervousness can also be the one to chase it away.

There’s so many customers that come in and out throughout the night that you can barely catch a break to go to the restroom. When closing time arrives, you’re hungry as fuck and way too sober for your liking.

The same cannot be said for Jimin and Jungkook, the happy-go-lucky pair cleaning serving trays as they sing a duet, a song you don’t recognize. Perhaps it’s because they can barely pronounce the words correctly.

Yoongi is still in the office counting the cash register and you’re busy putting back the clean glasses to where they belong, laughing quietly at your friend's shenanigans. You wonder when they managed to get this drunk, considering the busy night you just went through.

You hear loud footsteps echoing through the staircase and lift your head up. Namjoon is quickly making his way up and towards the bar, rubbing his arms in an attempt to warm himself.

“I know I’m not supposed to come up but goddamn, it’s so fucking cold outside."

“I don’t think Seokjin would mind," You chuckle.

“Hyung, are you cold?" Jungkook stops singing and heads to the employees lounge, coming back just as soon holding his winter coat. “Here, put it on." He drapes the warm coat on Namjoon’s shoulders then pats his hair in a caring manner.

Namjoon’s face reddens at the younger man’s actions. “Jungkook-ah, I can’t take it, you’ll be cold."

“Nah I won’t, I’m rarely cold. Look," He brings his hand up to the older man’s neck, the latter’s eyes widening as he does so.

“Y-yeah, you’re really hot." He sputters.

And you can’t help but cackle loudly at his words, they’re both way too cute and awkward for their own good.

“Yeah, you’re really hot Kookie," You tease.

Jungkook looks confused but ultimately shrugs and goes back to his task. Namjoon sends you a glare, which only prompts you to laugh even harder.

“Why is Kook-ah hot?" Yoongi chips in, which causes your heart rate to alarmingly quicken its pace. The man will be the death of you.

“You should ask Namjoon-hyung, '' Jimin says, a wicked grin plastered upon his features.

You double over in laughter, abandoning the task at hand while Namjoon turns an even deeper shade of red.

“Is there something I’m not getting? Why is everyone laughing?" Jungkook irritatedly inquires.

“You’re both way too oblivious I swear to god," Yoongi chortles.

“Oblivious to what?" Jungkook says, getting more and more irritated as you, Jimin and Yoongi go on laughing.

“Just accept that you’re in love with each other already, please," Jimin says through a fit of laughter.

“I don’t have to accept anything, I already know I am," He snarls before dropping the rag he’s been holding and marching decisively towards Namjoon, grabbing both sides of the older man’s face and planting a determined smooch on his plush lips.

You all stop laughing at once, sharing bewildered looks as Jungkook and Namjoon unashamedly kiss. They part after a few seconds, staring adoringly into each other’s eyes while the three of you stand in complete silence.

You never thought they would actually take the plunge.

“I love you, hyung," Jungkook whispers as he caresses the bouncer’s cheek.

The older man’s eyes widen comically. “I love you too, Jungkook-ah," He whispers back, leaning in for another sweet kiss.

“Well, umm," Jimin starts. “Congrats?" You and Yoongi hum in agreement, too surprised by the turn of events to say anything else.

But they both ignore the lot of you, too enraptured in each other’s devoted gaze to notice anything else. And so you swiftly go back to what you were doing.

Yoongi helps you put the glasses away while Jimin finishes his task.

“Well, I guess it finally happened," He declares, incredulous.

“Never thought it would," You reply, just as bewildered.

“Sometimes it takes longer than normal for the best relationships to properly flourish.” He says, a serious undertone to his voice.

You still at his words, unsure if you’re still talking about Jungkook and Namjoon. “Yeah, I guess..”

You both go for the same glass as each other, his slender fingers brushing yours as you do. You feel goosebumps bursting out like thorns on your skin and snap your head up at the contact.

Yoongi peers into your eyes, seemingly as shaken as you and opens his mouth slowly, as if unsure what to say. Which is when Namjoon decides to speak up,

“I’m sorry Chim but tonight we’ll be going home together, me and Kook-ah. Rain check next friday, yeah?” He wraps an arm around Jungkook’s waist.

“Don’t tell me that you’ll start ditching me now that you got together,” Jimin pouts, crossing his arms over his chest.

Namjoon chuckles at this, adorable dimples on display, and you can’t help but feel so fucking happy for your friends.

“It’s just for tonight I promise.”

Jimin still pouts but gives him a small nod before turning towards you and Yoongi. “You guys are coming right?”

You bite your lip, your uneasiness slowly creeping back in. Yoongi opens his mouth to speak, but upon seeing your face, he closes it. You focus on the tiled floor, hiding your embarrassment to the best of your abilities.

Your anxiousness must’ve been very apparent because when he speaks again, it’s to decline Jimin’s invitation.

“I have a few things to do, but next Friday it’s on though.” He gives him an apologetic smile.

The younger man looks dejected.

You wipe your wet hand on your skirt, now done with the dishwasher. “I’m sorry Chim, I’m kinda tired.”

“Ugh, fine. Y’all better be paying for beer next week.” He heads to the employees lounge and you all soon follow, grabbing your belongings before closing the lights and heading out, down the stairway and out the door.

You wish your friends a good night and trudge down the street accompanied by Jimin. Soon enough, you get to your car and pull him into a tight hug.

“I’m really sorry, I’m just really not up for it tonight..”

He squeezes you tighter. “I was only half-joking, it’s fine babe. I’ll text people and see if anybody’s awake.”

“Mmhm, by people you mean a certain red haired someone?” You smirk against his shoulder.

He huffs and flicks your hair before heading back in the bar’s direction, where Jungkook and Namjoon are waiting to drive him home, a small smile on his lips. “Maybe.”

You chuckle, unlocking your car and slide in as fast as you can to spare yourself from enduring the cold breeze any longer. You start the ignition and peer outside, waiting for the heat to defog your windows.

You see Namjoon’s car take off and wait a little longer, replaying the night’s events in your head.

And you smile softly when you think about your two friends finally getting together, about Jimin calling up Hoseok at four in the morning.

But your smile falters as soon as you think about Yoongi, and how everything about you and him is complicated. You wish you could just call him up and ask him to meet you in the early morning hours. You wish he could come back to your house after work, where you both could watch the sunrise peacefully. You wish you didn’t turn him down because of your stubbornness and self-sabotaging ways.

Sometimes you wish you could be someone else, unburdened by all the baggage you carry around, day-in and day-out.

You reach for your purse and search for your cell phone, wanting to play music to drown out the noise in your head.

“Where the fuck..?” You mutter to no one but you.

You search your hoodie’s pockets, unsuccessfully. You must’ve forgotten it inside.

“Why am I like this?” A quiet groan escapes your lips.

You get out of your car and head towards the bar, your eyes darting from left to right to make sure no one’s around. You hug your shoulders as you approach the door, the lights are off. Of fucking course. You all left together, the place is closed and locked.

You whine loudly and slowly slide your back down against the door, closing your eyes in the process.

You breathe in and out. “It’s fine, you work tomorrow you can just grab it then.” You whisper to yourself.

You open your eyes again, and hope suddenly blooms in you as they catch an interesting detail.

Yoongi’s car is still there.

You quickly get up and grab your purse from the ground before tentatively pulling at the door handle.

It opens, producing a small rusty noise as it does, and you quietly head inside, unsure of exactly why you’re acting this way.

You try to make minimal noise as you leisurely step up the stairs, and let your eyes adjust to the darkness when you get to the main floor.

There’s no lights on, only darkness. And you wonder where Yoongi is, if not in the main room.

Maybe the office?

You hastily head towards the bar, trying not to bump into anything.

You end up failing, walking right into a chair on your way there. It falls to the ground, the loud noise reverberating through the silence.

“Who’s there?”

You freeze as soon as you hear Yoongi’s hoarse voice.

“I-It’s me,” You whisper.

As your eyes adjust to the darkness, you make out a silhouette a few feet away from you, sitting at a bar stool.

You step closer. “Why are you sitting in the dark?”

He clears his throat, you can see him clutching a large object in his arms. “Why are you here?” He deflects. You frown and sit on the bar stool next to him.

It’s a guitar, he’s holding a guitar. He was playing.

“I think I forgot my cell phone,”

“Oh,” Is all he says.

You lean on the counter, trying to take a good look at him. You can’t really see his eyes, or features.

Damn darkness.

“Why are you sitting here, in the dark, instead of at home?” You ask again.

“Didn’t feel like going home.” He shrugs, avoiding your gaze. “You should go home, it’s getting late. I’ll walk you to your car.”

He carefully drops his guitar on the counter and gets up. You panic, though you don't understand why. “Wait-“

He looks up, meeting your gaze and you freeze, unsure of what prompted you to stop him.

“What?” He asks, almost pleadingly. It tugs at your heartstrings.

You wanna tell him. Tell him that you’re so fucking attached to him you cant bear the awkwardness anymore, would do anything he wants to get back to what it was before, have another chance to not fuck this up. Maybe have something like Jungkook and Namjoon, further down the line.

But barely anything comes out except a soft, airy,

“Stay”

You can see it in his eyes, despite the darkness, the moment he gives in and sits back down on the stool he had occupied moments ago.

“Yeah.. I can do that.”

You both stay silent for a few seconds before Yoongi speaks up.

“I’m sorry..”

You put your hand on his forearm and squeeze it lightly. “I know.” You start. “I blew this way out of proportion, I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head vigorously. “No no. You were right, I acted like a total ass, I shouldn't have expected the worst of you. You didn’t deserve that.”

You feel tears pricking at the corner of your eyes, and for fuck’s sake, you wish you could go through one conversation with him without crying.

“Yeah you shouldn’t have. But I shouldn’t have treated you like I did either.” You shakily reply, taking a deep breath as soon as the words are out.

“I guess we both fucked up, uh?” He chuckles, the sound coming out strained from emotions.

“I guess we did,” You giggle, two lonely tears escaping your eyes at the same moment. “That’s what people do.”

He abruptly stands up and you shudder when he steps closer to you, sending you a slightly alarmed look as he strokes your hair.

“Hey, hey, why are you crying?” He soothes, his deep gruff voice sending a wave of warmth throughout your whole body.

“I just-“ You hiccup. “What’s gonna happen now?”

He gently grabs your chin, tilting your head so you can only look him straight in the eye.

“What do you want to happen?” He whispers, his breath fanning over your face.

“I don’t want to lose you,” You shiver.

He brings his soft lips to your forehead, leaving a gentle kiss there. “You won’t.”

You grip the front of his white t-shirt, as if it could help you deal with your emotions, ground you. All it does is send your mind into a frenzy as you feel Yoongi’s skin against your own.

“I’ll be there, even if only as a friend.” He continues, coming back to eye level with you.

“But I want more than that,” You murmur, flushing as soon as the words leave your mouth.

Yoongi stares at you for a moment before caressing your cheek. You lean into his touch and close your eyes, bracing yourself for whatever he’ll decide to reply.

It’s easier when you’re not looking at him.

“Then what do you want, love?”

You utter the next word so low you’re not even sure he’s heard it,

“You”

Yoongi inhales sharply. “Look at me.”

You comply immediately, meeting a pair of dark orbs looking at you in almost reverence.

“You have me, whatever you want, it’s yours.” He firmly says, holding your gaze and swiping his thumb in circular motions across your skin.

You feel overcome by emotions, after everything, he still wants you. And that’s too much, you don’t know what to do with all this affection threatening to burst out of your heart at any moment.

“Kiss me,” You plead, eyes shimmery and wet.

You notice how his jaw twitches almost imperceptibly, and he blinks in a drawn out manner, inhaling as he does so. You watch him anxiously.

“That’s an easy request,” He grumbles before closing the gap between both of your mouths, leaving you breathless as soon as his pillowy flesh latches onto yours.

You choke out a sob and throw your arms around his neck, bringing him closer as he cradles your face with both hands, gently, like an anchor amid the turbulent sea of emotions raging through you.

He doesn’t press, content on moving his lips against yours in soft, languid motions. He waits for you to deepen the kiss, as if unsure if you really want it, letting you decide where to take this.

And god, you want this. You’ve been wanting this for so long. Not the explosive moment you shared in the back alley last week, not the sorrowful kiss you shared as you left either.

You wanted this, Yoongi pressing against you with devotion, making you whimper as he nibbles at your bottom lip with fervor. This is everything you wanted, and more.

So you show him exactly how much you want this, slightly tugging the hair at the bottom of his nape and sliding your tongue against his lips, asking for permission. And permission, he grants.

But before you know it he takes control of the situation, sliding his grip down to your hips and licking at your mouth in expert strokes, taking over you in a matter of seconds.

But you won’t let him win, not this easily.

You push him back slightly, smirking as he stumbles onto the bar stool and sits down in order not to lose balance. You stand up and straddle him, giggling as you notice the sheer look of surprise adorning his face.

“What are you-“

You shush him, bringing a finger up to his lips as you settle onto him. He brings his hands back to your hips, sending a wave of goosebumps up your back. You can feel him smirk against your digit.

And god, you really want to wipe that gorgeous smirk off his face right now.

So you hungrily crash your lips against his, relishing in the moan that escapes him as you roll your hips against his hardening covered length.

He suddenly tugs your hair in one quick motion and you’re forced to detach from him, a thin thread of saliva connecting both of your mouths together as you quietly moan, your undergarments soaking almost immediately at the display of dominance.

Yoongi nibbles at your ear, the action spurring an aroused shudder out of you.

“Be careful love, you’re advancing into dangerous territory here.” He all but groans in your ear, you can’t help but shake in his hold.

You may not have the upper hand in this after all.

“What if I want it?” You whine.

The blond man chuckles.

“You don’t know what you’re asking for,” He drawls, teasingly licking at your ear lobe.

You roll your hips against him again, earning you a hoarse groan in warning. “Then show me.”

He tugs even harshly at your hair and this time you whine loudly, too gone to give a single fuck about how loud you are.

He examines your face before huffing in disbelief,

“Are you sure?”

“Y-yes,” You whisper brokenly.

“Then you’ll have to tell me exactly what you want,”

You wriggle in his hold, very shy of a sudden. Because you can’t tell him exactly what you want.

“Yoongi,” You plead, squeezing your eyes shut.

“Nuh-uh, none of that. If you want something you have to tell me love,” He draws soothing circles on your back while still holding your hair in his other hand.

Your voice comes out small and uneven,

“I want you”

He tugs again as he jerks his hips up, brushing against your core. “Last warning, tell me exactly what you want.”

You feel tears pricking at the corner of your eyes in pure frustration as you yell out the next words,

“I want you inside me, you asshole!”

He chuckles deeply before loosening his hold on your hair and stroking it. “Now, now. No need to get mean.”

He pushes against your neck, and connects his lips onto yours once more, immediately swiping his tongue against your own to assert dominance. You let out a wanton whimper as you let him plough into your warm mouth.

You try to grind against him, though your movements are uncoordinated and shaky from the sheer intensity of the need coursing throughout your whole body.

But Yoongi soon understands what you want and starts grinding upwards, hissing against your mouth at the much needed friction.

“Fuck,” He inhales deeply through his nose. “Take this off.” He tugs at the seams of your crop top.

You take it off slowly, it’s the best you can do considering your current state. You feel your breast sag down as soon as you lift the piece of clothing off and shudder at the myriad of curses that escapes Yoongi’s mouth.

“Fucking hell love, you’re not even wearing a bra, are you fucking kidding me.” He grunts as his dark and hungry eyes bore into yours.

“I- I never d-do-“

You can’t even finish your sentence before you let out a sharp cry as Yoongi’s skilled lips latch onto your right nipple, sucking and biting lightly as his other hand pinches and rolls your left sensitive nub between its index and thumb, making you throw your head back in pure pleasure.

“Y-Yoongi,” You strangle out, gripping his hair loosely as he continues to expertly ravage your perth nipples, a pool of warmth settling into the base of your stomach.

He drags his teeth onto your sensitive skin one last time before he kisses you again, so aggressively that you’re sure your lips look completely used and abused by now.

“God I fucking love these tits,” He growls as his hand leaves a sharp stinging slap on your left breast.

You grab the front of his shirt in your tiny fist before whimpering hoarsely,

“I want it off, please.”

Yoongi smirks confidently before tugging his shirt off. “Anything you want love.”

You feel your guts churn as you admire for the first time Yoongi’s naked chest. Inches of soft, pale skin begging to be touched, and so you do, sliding your palms gently across the smooth expanse of his chest, tracing each and every line with your index finger, spurring shivers out of Yoongi as you do so.

Yoongi waits patiently as you try and burn each and every dip and moles, every inch of skin, into your mind. You notice a small scar, close to his hip and caress it delicately. “Where’d you get this?”

“A car accident,” He shrugs, taking your wandering hand into his palm and linking your fingers together. You look into his eyes and find him staring right back at you, adoringly.

“You’re beautiful,” You whisper faintly.

Yoongi hums quietly before bringing a hand up from your hip to your face, a bashful grin plastered upon his criminally handsome face.

“You sure you want this?”

You nod firmly, you’re sure. So fucking sure.

“If at any point you want me to stop or feel uncomfortable with something, you need to tell me. Alright?”

“Alright” You murmur.

He grabs your chin and seals your lips together in a searing kiss that has your head spinning and your toes curling. You feel like your blood has turned into lava, like your whole body’s burning from the inside out.

“Then take this pretty skirt off,” He groans against your lips.

You mewl unashamedly and quickly leave his lap, almost losing balance as your shaky legs plant on the ground if it wasn’t for his strong hold onto your hip, keeping you from falling down onto your bum.

Your skirt pools around your ankles as you slip it off, soon to be followed by your now soaking wet undergarments. You kick them off to the side as you settle onto Yoongi’s lap once again.

He leans forward, grabbing your bottom lip between his teeth and tugging lightly on it.

“Nuh-uh. Get up and sit right here.” He pats the bar surface, you widen your eyes at him.

“Don’t look at me like that love,” He teases.

“But-“

“Do you not want me to eat you out or what?” He taunts.

You gulp audibly as you clench around nothing, completely blindsided by his words.

“Can you-“ Your voice breaks.

He taps on the bar stool and you tentatively climb on it. You feel a sharp sting on your bare ass and wince in pain.

“Couldn’t help myself,” Yoongi chuckles darkly before helping you up on the bar counter. You timidly sit at the edge, thighs rubbing together as you anxiously stare at the ceiling.

A rough hand grabs your chin and tilts your head down. “None of that bullshit. Open those pretty legs baby.”

You blush furiously at the sheer obscenity of his words, though you do part your legs a bit, as if guided by primal instinct.

But it’s not enough for Yoongi, and he pulls them wider apart as he slots in between them, leaving a quick harsh kiss onto your bruised plump flesh.

“Gonna eat that pussy out ‘til you come apart on my tongue, got it?” He promises darkly, you nod and whine weakly. “Use your words, love.”

You bite your sensitive lip and beg, full on beg,

“Yes, please, Yoongi-”

The man chuckles and bends down, hooking both of your thighs onto his shoulders as he kisses your inner thighs teasingly, the warm touch sending you into overdrive. He lays one thick swipe of his tongue from your entrance to your clit, making you jerk as soon as his wet warmth comes into contact with your needy cunt.

“So fucking wet already baby,” He purrs against you, the vibration tearing a high pitched moan out of your raw throat.

And then he dives in, sticking his tongue in and out of you in sweet agonizing motions, then focusing on your clit and sucking lightly on it before expertly rubbing circles on it with the tip of his tongue. You let out a chain of broken moans, absolutely unable to keep them at bay, the heat in your gut burning obscenely as you grip his hair in an attempt to steady yourself.

He continues licking at your sensitive nub, and you almost lose balance as he slides a digit, then two, into you, dragging the flat tip on his fingers onto your tight walls.

“Yoongi!” You yell out, feeling the familiar burn of your high quickly pooling at the bottom of your stomach in an unstoppable manner. He slips his fingers out of you, soon to be replaced by a slick tongue prodding at your entrance as his fingers come into contact with your clit, rubbing quick circles onto it and drawing your orgasm close at a dangerous speed.

“I’m- I’m gonna cum,” You sob, grabbing the edge of the counter to steady yourself as you feel your body tingling, so close to the edge you can almost taste it.

“Cum,” He orders as he smacks a hand onto your clit.

And that’s all it takes for you to stumble over the edge, crying out as soon as the first wave of your orgasm hits you. It’s frighteningly intense, something you’ve never experienced before. You can’t even feel your limbs as you go completely lax in the blond man’s hold. It feels so god damn good you don’t want it to ever stop. You register Yoongi’s mouth leaving open mouthed kisses onto your thighs, caressing them soothingly as you come down from the heights of pleasure.

“Oh my god,” You dumbfoundingly whisper.

“You taste so goddamn good,” He stands up and puts his fingers in his mouth,sucking them dry of your cum. It’s so vulgar and arousing you might as well orgasm right on the spot again.

You blush furiously, hiding behind your hands.

“What? No one ever told you that?” He takes both of your hands in his large veiny ones and sends you a quizzical look.

“N-no,” You bashfully admit.

He stares in shock. “Well someone’s eaten you out before right?” You nod.

“Yeah they just.. They never made me cum from it. Never tried long enough.” You wriggle one of your dainty hand free and tuck a strand of hair behind your ear

“Fucking dumbasses,” Yoongi groans. “You’re a fucking treat, I could do this all goddamn day.”

You try to clamp your thighs shut but Yoongi’s waist stops you from doing so. He tuts playfully before flicking your chin with his finger.

“How am I gonna fuck you if you close those pretty legs love?”

You gasp as he forcefully strikes your thigh with the flat side of his hand, making you jolt in the process.

“Do you want to stop?” He inquires, voice softening as he peers into your eyes.

“No please don’t,” You answer truthfully. “I want you so fucking bad Yoongi,” You tug at his waist band, earning you a low growl from the blond man.

“Good, then you better not try to close these again.” He swats at your leg and dips a hand into his back pocket to retrieve a condom before unbuttoning his jeans and letting them fall down to his knees, soon doing the same with his underwear.

You marvel at the sight of his thick length, leaking precum right under his navel, it’s so inviting you just want to lick at it over and over again until the man whimpers your name.

But you’re brought back to reality when a large hand clamps down around your neck. You snap your eyes to Yoongi’s face, drinking in greedily the completely lustful look in his eyes.

He tears the wrapping with his teeth and wraps the protection around his length, pumping himself a few times before slapping your clit with the head of his cock, you jolt on the spot as a rush of heat washes over you.

“Gonna fuck this little cunt open now, yeah?” His vulgar words make your head spin and you feel sweat trickling down your neck.

“Please,” You rasp out.

“Look at me, don’t you fucking dare look away.” He hisses through gritted teeth.

You nod eagerly and your mouth opens wide as soon as you feel the head of his thick girth prodding at your entrance. You force yourself to look straight into his obsidian eyes despite the electrifying intrusion, though you can’t help but roll your eyes as he pushes in slowly.

He squeezes your throat lightly and you peer at him once again, focusing on his sinful gaze.

“Baby goddamn you’re tight,” He moans as he ever-so-slowly pushes against your pulsating walls.

You let out a sharp sob as Yoongi pushes himself to the hilt, his hips hitting yours. He breaks eye contact as his head throws back in overwhelming ecstasy at the feeling of warm heat clamping down around him. You feel yourself shaking from the intense stimulation, though you want more. Need more.

“You can move,” You breathe out.

And just like that, he starts rocking his hips against you, you can feel the tip of his length rubbing against your walls in tantalizing motions.

“Please,” You sob out as a single tear flutters against your eyelashes.

“Shhh baby,” He soothes, before slowly pulling out, only to dive back in as tension builds in your abdomen. He slides his hands down to the back of your thighs and grips hard enough to leave bruises, and you really wouldn’t mind.

He soon picks up his pace and starts ramming into you relentlessly, the sound of skin slapping against skin so fucking obscene you’d like to record it. You cry out his name incoherently, you’re not even sure you can even pronounce letters at this point, being way past behind coherent thoughts considering the relentless pounding Yoongi inflicts upon your bruised insides.

You wouldn’t want it any other way.

He suddenly lifts your hips up, deepening the angle at which he plows through you, and your back curves at the extreme pleasure the new position blinds you with.

“R-right there, Yoongi!” You moan out, arching your back even more.

“There?” He huffs out as he thrusts sharply into you, hitting the same sweet spot over and over again.

“Ah! Yes!” You cry out as you feel another high hurtling at you at record speed. You can’t even warn him before your orgasm overtakes you so suddenly you can only scream his name brokenly, over and over. You’re barely aware of it when he stutters and spills into the condom, his high coaxed out by the sharp fluttering of your walls, as he painfully digs his nails into your thighs.

You stay still for a moment, breathing heavily as you let your heart rates calm down and get back to normal levels. You delicately play with strands of blond hair, Yoongi’s head resting heavily against your chest as he runs his hand up and down your arm, it’s comforting you think.

After a few minutes you regain a certain sense of reality and you take in your surroundings. There’s clothes laying on the floor and the first rays of the sun peek through the windows.You sigh contentedly, you’re completly fucked out.

You try to suppress a hiss as Yoongi slides out of you. He lays a few open mouthed kisses on your neck which prompts a few goosebumps to break upon the surface of your skin. Yoongi smiles softly against your neck when he notices.

“Did I hurt you? Are you okay?” He genuinely asks, lifting his head to analyze your face properly.

“I’m more than okay,” You chuckle fondly, he’s so damn attentionate.

“Good.”

You feel a thumb skim over your lip before a pair of plush lips leave a sloppy kiss onto yours, which you reciprocate ardently.

“How are you?” You inquire and run a hand through his tousled blond hair.

He snorts. “I’m doing amazing love.”

You laugh quietly and peck his lips again. “Should we leave soon?”

“Yeah, probably,” He sighs.

You lightly flick his forehead,

“Then let’s go.”

You unhurriedly get dressed and grab your things, bantering in between playful slaps and gentle kisses. When you head out the door it’s already morning and you can hear a few birds whistling as a new day settles over the quiet city streets.

You head for your car but you’re soon tugged back into a warm and strong embrace that has you melt into a puddle on the concrete.

You sink back into Yoongi’s chest as he holds you tight and leaves a few kisses at the back of your neck.

And you feel content like this, like maybe things are finally falling into place for you. You wouldn’t mind getting used to these warm hands and beautiful soft lips drawing shapes onto your skin.

“Yoongi what are you doing,” You giggle. “I have to go home and sleep.”

He hums understandingly. “Yeah, you do. You could come to my place. We can sleep and I could drive us back here for our shift.”

You break out into laughter at his clinginess. That’s one thing you wouldn’t have expected.

“But I’d have no clean clothes for tomorrow.” You pout.

“We can drive by your place on the way back,” Yoongi tightens his hold against you.

“Okay, let’s go to your place then. Plus, I can meet Cat.” You chuckle as he nips at the sensitive skin of your neck.

“You just want to meet Cat uh, is that it?” He feigns indignance.

You roll your eyes. “Yes, of course. I slept with you to meet Cat.”

“Fucking knew it.”

You turn your head as far as you can and kiss him gently, though you soon part because of the very uncomfortable angle.

You ruffle his blond head of hair before happily whispering,

“Let’s go meet Cat.”

-

-

a/n: fucking finally, them fucking kids istg. anyway, thanks for reading lovelies it means the world to me I just love seeing all your comments and reblogs<3

// here’s the link to be added to the series taglist, click right here!

taglist: @vesperbells @tarahardcore @tea4sykes

@bonitaangel @kthstrawberryshortcake-main

@princesspiineapple @funkylittlebisexuall

@kikaninchen-2 @diorjgguk @purplelo

@lil6nmrll @perfect-bae @bwormie

@fragmentof-indifference

[orionsangel86]

who cares about fandom. it's shows. shows aren't important american

This ask is really confusing to me. Are you calling me American as an insult? If so thats super funny to me since I most certainly am not American!

I know this is just someone being a dick for the sake of being a dick, but I will take this ask sincerely because I have the freedom of choice to do so. Who does care about fandom? Lots of people actually.

You know what is a huge and important fandom to lots of people worldwide? Football. Maybe you don't see it the same way because it's not about some dumb TV show, but its still a fandom. They even have different factions for different teams, and it gets weirdly nationalistic during global competition events. So who cares about fandom? Well, for football fans, I'd say about 5 billion people.

But limiting it to those unimportant shows anon has chosen to sneer at, well, in recent years comic cons around the world have reported a total of 1.8million+ attendees each year. And that is just a fraction of the fans who can afford to attend these conventions (plus these are only the big conventions not including the likes of Creation cons). Regardless of how much you sneer at it, fandom is huge and a huge part of many peoples lives. Fandom has brought people community, support, connection, and a mountain of creativity at its heart.

On a personal note, some of my best friends were met through Supernatural Fandom. We still talk regularly to this day and I try to meet up with them as often as possible even though we are all dotted all over Europe and America. Without Supernatural, a so called unimportant show, I wouldn't have those real life connections which mean so much to me and have made my life better.

Ask any actor from one of those unimportant shows, and they will tell you how they have met with fans who literally found reason to keep living through the shows that they loved, that the struggles and journeys of the characters they are passionate about literally saved their lives. Tell those people that fandom isn't important, that their shows are meaningless eh? Tell that to someone who was thinking of ending their own life but chose to keep living because they saw how important that was to their fave characters.

The Supernatural actors put out an actual crisis hotline to support fans struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts. They started campaigns like Always Keep Fighting and You Are Not Alone because they saw how much their fandom relied on them and the fandom they were apart of, because the show was their only escape from a harsh reality. Misha Collins was able to get his Random Acts charity off the ground through the support of fandom, and to this date Random Acts has succeeded in supporting communities worldwide, including providing disaster relief in Haiti and building a school in Nicaragua.

So much for an unimportant show, when its very existance has spurned a crisis network and a charity that continue to support and save lives globally.

And thats JUST Supernatural. There is so much work done by fandoms everywhere, for all different shows. Fandom is Community. And when communities get together they create wonderful things, they support each other, and sometimes, they save lives.

Who are you to say community is unimportant? Who are you anon? a user of Tumblr.com, the fandom website, to make such a bold and wrong claim? Television is storytelling, and storytelling is one of the oldest art forms. It makes us human, connects us with our past and speaks to our hearts and souls. We share our love and joy and passion through storytelling. It is where we find escape from the humdrum of our daily lives, it is where true magic lies. There is nothing unimportant about that.

[just-a-wholesome-writer]

"When the ocean in his eyes, wild and full of turbulence, looked at me with a stillness, a specific peace that could not be recreated by the greatest of artists- I knew I was bound to him by something bigger than myself."

Faith.

The word lingered longer than the memory, echoing within the confines of my mind. I remembered something about a book. Red, with a cover written in white. It was my favorite because it wasn't printed like most books were at the time, it was written by hand and so beautifully too. With hearts over each 'I', and drawings after each chapter, telling a story that could not be found by reading.

I had spend years over which I read and re-read each chapter carefully, feeling like I found something new with every word. Like, every time I put it down, the author would sneak in and add another twist to throw me off.

In actuality, while some may see it that way, the wonder of this book was not in the big twists and dramatic outbursts of it's main characters. It was in the small, seemingly meaningless corners of each page. For example: There, between the betrayal of a loved one and the death of a father, laid the unassuming cottage where the boy with the chipped tooth lived.

He said two lines, exactly. About how selling the fruit of love, though very popular, is bad business as it only falls in the summer and only grows if loved enough to produce the hormone itself.

Two lines, 1012 pages. Yet it wouldn't leave my mind. I couldn't forget how Ezran had found one among the small basket of gifts Rose had brought to his bedside while he slept. And how the juice ran down his chin as he looked upon the snow outside, wondering if they had always tasted this sweet.

There is something so quietly exhilarating about the little details of a story. Like a secret the author shared with you, only. With the one person who noticed, who loved enough to find their hidden intentions. Oh, how I wished to meet this author and tell them how much I loved, and will keep loving.

But the great seldom value credit, and as such, there is no indication of who the author even is, or was. The only thing I knew about them, I knew through their characters. It's strange how that has made me feel like I know them so deeply, when I don't even know their name. Shouldn't personal information seem unimportant if you are offered a glimpse into someone's soul?

Staring upon everything and nothing, I am faced with the same conundrum. My name, my age, my body, these were all parts of a big unknown. And yet I felt at peace with myself, like I knew who I was for the very first time.

I have always found it difficult to describe my feelings. I know this because I remember trying to start a diary, an attempt at making myself into poetry. I imagined burying it under a big tree and thought about someone digging it up, sitting down and reading all about me. The Conundrum Of Denielle. I imagined someone loving me so that they would find all the little ways people have loved me before but that I missed and put them on the page like footnotes.

But dissapointment set in quickly when writing only left me with bullet points, with no hearts atop my 'I's and no art, as I already felt pride in being able to put pen to paper. There was no nuance to my life, even when I wouldn't curse it boring. In the hands of the unskilled it seemed, not even the falling of the sky could make a compelling story.

I suppose I know my name now at least. Denielle. It's not one of those names that roll of the tounge, rather, it stops it in it's tracks. Den-ielle. I don't know why my parents chose it to be mine, given they were in opposition to the church and what it represents, but I do know that mother said there is a moment you just know.

I'm not sure how motherly instincts tie in with the choosing of one's name, but as I do not wish to make that experience myself, I may have to trust her by her words.

There are many things I don't understand, including the situation I now find myself in. But once again, I feel compelled to let it play out freely, trusting there will be a natural solution. I've been told I should be more assertive. But peace does not respond well to fighting, so I prefer the calm.

I call out and hear my words come back to me in a whisper.

[rainparadefromhell]

My thoughts on season 3 of Never Have I Ever

SPOILERS AHEAD !

* author's note : it's long what can you do, i have an obsessive personality

• Things I disliked in no particular order

1. The pacing of this season.

The pacing of this season

The pacing-

I don't know what happened this season but it felt like someone pushed my head into a blender. Many things were so glossed over, I was actually baffled. People kept getting into relationships and breaking up like it was nothing and all sense of direction was lost. Everything felt like a fever dream. Ben and Aneesa break up. She cries one time, kisses Fabiola and now they are in a relationship only for that to not work out and Fabiola gets into another relationship (at this point i forgot Eve existed). No one reacts to anything, things just happen so there is no chance for the viewers to get attached to any new storylines/couples. Just borderline bad writing in terms of pacing.

2. What they've done to Aneesa's character

At the end of the show, the person I felt bad for the most was Aneesa. The writers just would not give her a chance. She wasn't a real character. She barely had any personality beyond being a plot device for multiple characters and getting into meaningless relationships every 5 minutes (the show does have a problem with doing this to all characters tbh). I wanted to know Aneesa better (I hoped for a pov episode) but all I've got was her getting left for another person in not one but TWO relationships? And they made her kinda not even care about it. It just wasn't realistic and I hated it.

3. Des.

Listen, I don't have anything against his character. Because his character doesn't exist. Des got, as well as all the new characters - Aneesa'd. His sole purpose was to give Devi an Indian boyfriend (which is fine). But he was just so.....unnecessary?? I'm sorry but while watching every scene him and Devi shared, I was begging for literally any other character to show up. Same with his two friends (extras) that had about two lines each. His and Devi's relationship, in my opinion would've been just fine as a fling not a real relationship. And it lasted SO. FUCKING. LONG. Why, just why were they wasting time (that could have been given to flesh out old characters) on something everyone and their mother KNEW wouldn't work out or have any meaningful addition to the show. Other things got sidelined, that's why I hated this storyline.

4. And save the worst for last. All of Devi's romantic relationships in s3

Oh God, here we go.

I understand that Devi is a teen girl that just wants to date boys, have fun, be in love. I really do. But as writers, it is the nhie showrunners' job to make this enjoyable for the viewers. And it worked, the past 2 seasons it really did. Team Paxton, team Ben, team Devi.... We've all had something to enjoy. So throwing in another boy - no, two actually (the guitar player she kissed isn't a big part of the show so I don't really care) made me so angry. They've disturbed a sort of a balance between silly/fun the show had with like 3 or 4 love interests all in your face at the same time so they all started to look kinda.... unimportant (except for Ben, but I am biased lol). It looked painfully unrealistic as well.

The show yet again suffered because of its format. you simply can't throw in a bunch of characters in a 30 minute, 10 episode long comedy show and just hope for the best. It felt messy, rushed and fleeting. Like there was no room to breathe, I felt so anxious watching the middle part of the show.

• Things I did like in no particular order

1. The adults' storylines

I found them much more tolerable and cohesive. I am a Nalini stan first and a human second. I just love her. I love watching Poorna be so brilliant in this role. I was thrilled they gave her a friend and quite sad that friend was taken away later on but oh well. Also, possibly my favorite moment in the show was this quote from Nalini : "You are never too much and always enough." This show was the first time I've truly seen my relationship with my own mother represented in a way that isn't black or white and just simple or complicated. For me this scene meant a lot - showing that no matter what may happen, Nalini will always love and support her daughter.

I also liked Kamala's storyline. Tbh I didn't like Prashant all that much. He felt like a more mature Paxton. I'm glad Kamala didn't rush into marriage, especially if it's something she does not want. I really liked the relationship between Kamala and Mr. Kulkarni, I just wish we saw more of them.

2. Trent and Eleanor ??

I totally predicted this!! I said they will be that odd couple that somehow works very well and I was right. They were really entertaining and I'm so glad we get to see more of them.

3. Trent and Paxton ??

I adored Paxton and Trent's friendship. You can tell they love each other in their weird ways. This totally made me like the characters more and I love love LOVE seeing healthy male friendships in media.

4. Paxton

And everybody gasped. (Hell, I gasped, too). Here it comes Paxton/Daxton stans....

I did really like Paxton this season. And he had his moments last season as well, I'll admit that. Is he my favorite character in the show? No. Do I still think he's kinda boring and overrated? Yes. But I did like him. My favorite Paxton moment this season was in the hospital with Ben (as well as his friendship with Ben as a whole). Not only was it very kind of him to stay with Ben and make him feel better, I also loved him admiting he doesn't really know who he is. How incredibly honest of him. I liked that he apologized to all the girls he hurt and that he was friends with Haley again. I also loved him telling Devi she can't love anyone until she loves herself (someone's been reading my posts 👀). He finally started to care about things (school) and even if his storyline is a simple one, it worked. I'm glad he grew as a person. For me, Paxton finally  became a full-fledged character with a unique storyline. It took only 3 seasons but we got there.

5. Benjamin Gross

I could write novels about Ben Gross. I could write about him until my hands hurt and then some more. He is easily one of my, if not my favorite fictional character of all time. He is one of the few characters that, in my opinion, isn't written in an episodic way. Jaren Lewison has this great ability to carry all of Ben's emotions in his pocket and whip out what he needs in a scene with such ease. The character doesn't forget his lessons, he remembers his past feelings and what they taught him which makes him develop and make progress so naturally within the show. Ben Gross isn't just a douche at the beginning of season 1 and a nice guy at the end of season 3. You can see all of his flaws as well as how caring and emotionally intelligent he is at the same time throughout the entire show. I'm so happy he learned to relax and not care as much about grades.

This kinda falls under Ben, but just 3x06 being the best episode (with the finale) for me. I don't know what kind of crack Mindy Kaling puts in the Ben episodes but she gets is right every damn time. Those 4 words being "I'm proud of you" from his dad made me so emotional. I wouldn't want them to be anything or for anyone else. Also I fucking loved Ben being into drawing?? We need more of that.

6. Devi Vishwakumar

My girl. I really liked Devi this season. I loved how they showed she's still grieving. Maitreyi's performance in the scene when Paxton tells her she doesn't love herself yet was so heartbreakingly beautiful. She knew he was right. Also can we talk about the best version of Devi aka post time jump Devi??? I love that girl! You can really tell she matured quite a bit. She's not as hot headed anymore. The only "bad" thing she did was throwing that book or whatever it was in the trash and honestly...? I didn't see how that was such a big deal at all. And the other team kinda cheated, too. Who cares? They're not in a courtroom. I really hope that in season 4 we see her growing even more.

7. The whole gang

One thing I also liked was that everyone was friends with everyone this season. We saw the Paxton-Trent-Eleanor group, Paxton and Ben's friendship, Paxton and Fabiola, Ben-Devi-Fabiola and so on.... I reallllly liked the different dynamics.

8. Ben & Devi

And finally - this is what (some of) you have been waiting for. As you can see the pacing and new characters really messed with how much I loved (or rather didn't) this season. But honestly, now that I had time to think about it, the character development and just the finale really saved the whole season for me. And yes, this includes Ben and Devi. This season we've seen Ben and Devi be mostly, friends. They didn't share many moments until the last few episodes which did frustrate me but that is exactly what made all of them feel so special later on. It was important for them to not spend as much time together then slowly be close friends for the finale we got. I really wasn't expecting it. For all my criticisms about the writing not being the best in some aspects of the show, the writers did such a good job with their storyline and it's safe to say that s3 is my favorite when it comes to them.

Last season we've only seen hints of them pining for each other. This season they were much more honest and comfortable with each other. I cannot stop thinking about how perfectly their little romance was sprinkled over the seasons, with season one's introduction and teasing of their feelings, season two's big conflict and hurt and finally season three's rekindling of feelings and big realizations. None of their storyline felt like sudden big explosions (like with Paxton), just a natural evolution of caring for each other. A sign that it wasn't just a crush (quick and overwhelming) but a first love kind of a situation. Realistic, messy, beautiful, simple. There isn't a doubt in my mind that these two will end up together in some way at the end of season 4. Truly one of my favorite on screen couples all thanks to the brilliant and talented Jaren and Maitreyi.

Overall, I still think the show's best season is season 1. It was almost perfectly set up. However, in terms of characters and our main couple, I have to say season 3 feels the most open, vulnerable and grown up. The last episode felt super special and teased season 4 in which we will see the gang prepare for college. I have huge expectations for season 4 and I really think it could be one of the best ones (best one?), but who knows...

Maybe I'm just a sucker for closures.

Also, I can't believe the finale??? Like they were evil evil for that one, not letting us see what happens! On the other hand I can't be mad bc as a writer that is such a me thing to do. Like, I can totally see myself be that much of an asshole and sadist so I kinda get it. Idk what I will do until s4.

[bellamyroselia]

For Pit, father's day is an odd thing to picture of but so is mother's day. The concepts aren't foreign to him, but because of his upbringing he finds both of the days as weird to think of. He understands why both of them exist because being a good, loving parent to your children is always worth celebrating - he simply had no reasons to think of these days as anything important back then. Pit doesn't even remember ever having a mother, and for the longest time he didn't remember having a father either.

Well, at least that's who Pit assumes the golden-haired man from his dreams is. The young boy couldn't really think of him being anything else but his father; he too had wings and blue eyes like Pit's, so there seemed to be some connection between them. Even if it wasn't by blood, the man had certainly acted as if he was Pit's father, therefore making him worthy of the title in Pit's eyes. He had after all called himself lucky for having Pit in his life. But all that did was make his sudden disappearance even more weird to Pit; just what had happened to him? It seemed like he had every intention of coming back to Pit and based on Palutena's reaction in one of his memories, it had been unexpected to her as well. It clearly couldn't have been Medusa's doing, she had executed her plans when Pit had been much older, so what had caused it? Clearly his father had known he was marching into something since he had been wearing that fancy armor, but what had he been fighting against? And would it even matter anyway because of what Medusa had done to angels? Had he too been turned to stone like all the others or was he still out there somewhere? And this was him completely ignoring the tiny chance that his father simply just looked like an angel and wasn't actually one; angels were rarely if ever allowed to wear something of that high quality as his battle armor had been, and it looked like it had been made specifically for him. Why was an angel wearing something so ornate, Pit didn't know nor did he have any guesses that made even a lick of sense. Eventually he had come to accept that slight chance, as outlandish it had felt like; he knew that wings weren't exactly uncommon among the divine and their servants, so maybe his father was just one of those people. Pit had after all heard few offhand comments from Palutena that even some gods of extremely high status like Ares and Hebe had wings, something their children also possessed (presumably their servants as well, though he hadn't thought of it enough of to ask about it back then). Now what made them so different from angels, Pit didn't know why.

(In fact, the more he tried to think of it, the less he understood it. Thankfully it seemed to be a common opinion, as even Palutena couldn't give him straightforward answer about it. Apparently there was something more fundamental that separated gods from angels than simply having wings, though that never stopped some gods from having angel children. When Pit had asked her to explain that, Palutena had simply shrugged her shoulders and told him that she was equally clueless about that matter.)

Lost in thoughts, Pit can't help wonder how Palutena could react if he told her of these newly awakened memories. Part of him does wish to break the silence and talk things straight with her, but at the same time he feels like now isn't the time for that. Compared to what she has to worry of, Pit feels like everything he worries of is so meaningless and trivial. It feels so unimportant and not worth discussing when there are still so many troubles in the world, all of which have to be dealt first before he can focus on his own problems. Time's a limited resource and he just doesn't have enough of it.

For a moment his thoughts stray to Dark Pit and he can already imagine the other angel yelling at him and begging for him to be selfish for once in his life - he knows it's inevitable once he gets to know of the dreams, Dark Pit's going to yell at him for not coming out to the clear immediately, but Pit doesn't think that he's allowed be selfish quite yet. Not when the Underworld army is still causing trouble and he's not even sure of what may have happened to his father. Once things have calmed down a bit and he has some ideas of where to start looking, he can be selfish. There likely wouldn't be any harm of Dark Pit knowing a bit sooner than others, though - it's simply a matter of how much sooner, because it can't be that much sooner. He's going to be the first one to know, but only once everything has calmed down a bit.

Pit still isn't completely sure of how he's supposed to deal with father's day moving forward. Maybe one day he could actually have something worth celebrating; if nothing else, at least he'd have some closure. It would be good enough. But now all Pit has to focus on is to think what he's eventually going to say to Dark Pit when he tells of the golden-haired angel to him.

[swamp-spirit]

Some thoughts about dark fiction and mental illness and being a bit too good at Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

I've been in therapy on and off since age 11, and pretty much every therapist has told me I'm very good at reasoning through my emotions.

In third grade, I started keeping a tin of Altoids by my bed. I didn't really like the taste of the peppermint ones, but when I worried too much to sleep, I pretended they were magic medicine that made all my worries go away.

In fifth grade, I understood that sometimes, all the color just went out of life and I stopped feeling happy. I kept thinking about how meaningless my life was. I didn't know this was called depression, but I understood it would pass.

I have been able to explain to every therapist why my emotions are irrational, why my life is wonderful and I am so grateful to have it.

This has never stopped those emotions. It helps. Over my thirty years of being Mentally Ill, I have learned many signs. When I feel like I've forgotten some Important, Terrible Thing, I know this is a lie my anxiety tells and no longer sift through everything I hate about myself to try to find the True Horrible Reason I loath myself so deeply. When every song on my Spotify seems to pulse with life, I recognize I am falling into mania, get lots of sleep, and watch my spending carefully. When I begin to read article after article on an issue that upsets me because I must Face the Horrible Truth, I recognize this is my OCD, admit what I'm doing to my wife, and ask for distraction. I take my meds. I do deep breathing. I carry stim toys.

The thing is, you can stare an emotion dead in the eyes. You can recognize it, explain it, and still feel it.

It turns out, after decades of your mind screaming that you are sad and afraid and telling those emotions they are irrational and unfair and only make you cruel and paranoid and selfish, some part of your brain learns to treat what you feel as unimportant.

I lost anger first. It's a secret, even to me, but I am a very angry person. I'm easily overstimulated, my nervous system is a skittish horse, and my emotional regulation is shot. I always try to see the other side of things. I usually can. This is good. I do not want to change this about myself, but it often means I direct my anger the only safe direction I can. It took me years to understand why I would self harm after arguments, because I wasn't angry, was I? I was, I'm learning. I am. I am angry. I don't know how to be angry.

These days, my body often knows how I feel before my brain, and my wife knows what my body is saying before I do.

"I don't understand why my pain's been so bad this week." "Love, you got fired last week and we can't afford our apartment anymore. You're upset." "Oh. I think I am."

I like angry characters. I like watching their anger be destructive and terrible and ruin their lives. I do not want to learn how to lash out, how to blame others for my raging emotions, how to hate without guilt, but I want to learn to be angry. Characters can be angry for me, ruin little pretend worlds for pretend reasons. They can be so much worse than I ever am and still be loved and forgiven.

I like it when characters are afraid and that fear is rational. Where they can scream and cry and fight because there ARE monsters lurking in the shadows. I can feel with them, inhabit a world where all my irrational emotions are rational, where there is no need for me to undermine or dismiss myself.

Sometimes, I feel the people who understand this the least are people who never question their own emotions, who assume if they hurt, they have been attacked, and if they have been attacked, they can do all the harm they want.

I am learning am slowly trying to relearn to use my atrophied emotions and not treat them like monsters that will swallow me the second I unchain them. In the meantime, I walk them through stories, slowly. You can hurt here. You can hate here. You can feel here.

[thereshegoghs]

Kugisaki in her Modeling Era (AU Fic Idea lol)

i had a photoshoot today and i got the idea to write an AU fic where nobara left jujutsu sorcery behind to pursue modeling...ooh i started writing it already! i also requested to create an account for ao3 so until then I think I'll post it here?

snippet: (after break)

"She thought it would be more glamorous than this. Flashes of light assaulted her vision again today. But over time, she learned to pick a spot on the ceiling so she wouldn't go blind. Her leg was getting tired holding its position. In the opoosite corner of the cold room, people in blazers and jeans were talking amongst themselves. Checking in with someone via Zoom, “Was the shot good…? Oh, another angle...? Hmmm....”  

Meanwhile, Nobara Kugisaki stood there, exposed in front of a rolled-out wallpaper, huge lights glaring down at her with her arms crossed over her bare chest.

Ugh! Why did they need me to be topless?? This photoshoot is just for a pair of jeans…

She thought she’d love the lights and cameras. She thought it would just be about being dolled up 24/7, but she just feels useless. Unimportant. Faceless. Like a puppet, even more of a cog now than she was in jujutsu society. When her face was on a billboard on the Sunset Strip, it left her feeling…meaningless. Plus the makeup they make you wear sometimes is soooo gross and weird. Ugh.

~~~~

Another studio, another shoot, another Uber ride home. She closes her eyes and tries to remember a time when her life felt like it meant something. The driver had a news station on, dull enough to drown her in her imagination. There the New York skyline blurs and makes way for Tokyo. Her daydream is over before it begins because the radio breaks the news of a terrorist attack in Tokyo. 

Huh, that’s the third one this month. 

Nobara’s heart races. Of course, she misses them. she cried all thirteen hours of the flight here. Her agent was so mad when she landed with puffy cheeks and red eyes. Nobara laughs to herself at the memory. But her palpitations are more than just a longing for her friends, for her loneliness to end. She missed the action. 

Is this really it? Is this what I was made for? Sure, I have the looks to pay the bills, but maybe this isn’t the life I’m supposed to lead…"

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Oasis: Day Four

CW: Existential dread; death mentions

…

I walked along the stream for some time until I found a waterfall with a lake at its base. It isn’t a very large one, but it was definitely loud enough to draw me toward it from a reasonable distance away. I decided to take a shower. The water is only about four cubits deep all the way around; it’s nice and warm. I would wash my pajamas too; but I have nothing else to wear, so that wouldn’t be wise. Currently I’m sitting on a rock to dry off.

Sleeping without an alarm clock by my side is wonderful. I no longer have to live with the knowledge that it will jolt me violently awake, seconds after losing consciousness. 

I never realized how much of what I did with my time relied upon others. I set my alarm to 5:00 AM, because work started at 6:00; and I went to bed at 8:00 PM for the same reason. I wouldn’t eat until my 1:00 lunch break, because I would become horribly sick if I ate in the little time I had free in the morning. I got home at 4:00, which left me four hours to myself.

Two of those hours I spent on Francis Murray’s front porch playing hearts. I don’t even like card games; I think they’re boring and repetitive. Your hand determines what cards you play and when you play them; so half of the time, coincidence chooses the winner. That isn’t how I would define “fun.” I don’t know why I went. I would say I went to enjoy the conversation, but that would be a lie…

Francis is fine, but he doesn’t talk much. I’ve tried to get closer to him — in a very proper and decent way, of course — but all he seems to do is push me away. It baffles me how he can host these card games and invite others to them, but remain so distant and unwilling to befriend anyone. I understand there may be something troubling him; but he should do something about it instead of sitting there like a brick wall behind his cards all evening. Surely that can’t be healthy?

Mari Honda is nice to talk to; but she’s never able to get a word in edgewise because of Cynthia Evans. It’s always “My Son” with her. “My Son has three kids!” this, “My Son went to Aruba,” that, or “My Son’s a famous musician!” The sad thing is, I never know which son she’s talking about, because she has six of them, and their names all start with the letter “J.” I don’t feel like following their stories. Actually, I’m not even sure half of what she says about them is true; but the poor thing looks as though she might explode if she doesn’t talk about “My Son.” So none of us ever say anything. We simply nod and say “That’s nice,” out of courtesy. But after awhile it becomes tiring; after seven years, I don’t want to do it anymore. 

Yet we all kept going back… Why? Is it human nature to want to torture oneself? Do we secretly enjoy misery?

Or maybe it was the routine we craved. Something familiar and consistent in the terrifying world in which we lived, to distract ourselves. But we were hiding ourselves away so much that none of us got to enjoy our lives. It’s like that one concept in physics where the faster you go, the slower time passes for you; but once you’ve decelerated, you’re ten-thousand years in the future, and everyone you’ve ever known is gone. Then you realize you’re alone. You’ve wasted all your time working and indulging in meaningless conversation about unimportant people doing fruitless things. We waste our lives, and then we die. 

So, we ruminate to feel a sense of accomplishment. But by doing that, we forgo the opportunity to actually accomplish things. We try to get time back, when in reality we are throwing it into the fire. How foolish we are!

Thankfully, whatever force has brought me here has taken me away from all that. I may have wasted most of my life then, but I am here now. I am free to go where I please; to set any destination and sing as terribly as I want while I get there. Actually, I’m beginning to see that I’m not such a terrible singer as I thought I was — I just never had time to practice. I was never a very good writer either; but now that I’ve been given time to write, I can see that I’ve improved. My mind is sharper too. It feels as if a fire has been lit inside me and everything is possible— everything makes sense. I can’t explain it.

This place is amazing.

…

Tagging: @astudyinpanda @oldwoolhat @jiminy-cricket-but-gay @gorelabs @straight-to-the-pain @incoherent-introspection @nova-3-the-exo

…

Masterlist

[doux-amer]

Don’t reblog this because I frankly don’t care about opening a dialogue about this beyond people I know, but it’s been tiring to see well-meaning people including longtime friends and mutuals have opinions on K-p0p that are disingenuous, ignorant, or flat out racist. It bears repeating that I’ve grown up in this world and I’m also highly critical of it, so I’m not blind to its faults nor is this post a kneejerk defensive reaction. 

Look, I respect you all. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be following you, and if you follow me back, then please extend that same courtesy to me because as silly and unimportant as it is to you—and to me too most of the time—bearing with years and years of this from different people with no escape is taxing. 

I don’t have the energy to deal with this and everyone has limited attention span so I don’t want to put in effort, but these are my main issues:

1. If you look down on K-p*p for being generic but are okay with or even enjoy non-Asian pop music—namely white pop music—do some self-reflecting because that’s racist. I see some of the artists and groups you all like, and people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. 

2. Actually, if you like other genres, that still applies. God, the number of white indie acts that sound the same and are as unpleasant as oatmeal that I dealt with over the years because people raved that they were “good” or “interesting.” 

3. Don’t generalize an entire country’s pop scene if you don’t know anything about it. I can tell right off the bat that you don’t because idol acts =/= the entirety of K-p*p yet 99% of the time, that’s what you’re criticizing. You also tend to lump virtually all Korean acts under the meaningless umbrella term “K-p0p” when some are not, in fact, even pop or pop is only one of the various genres they play around with.

4. Saying that all K-p0p is manufactured and there’s no real emotion or deliberate craft behind it is racist! You might not mean it, but there’s a long history with Asians being stereotyped as emotionless robots who have high technical skills and are efficient/good at mass production but are incapable of creativity or original thought. Your thinking falls neatly into that pattern. This goes hand in hand with #1 because you can say the same with numerous pop scenes across the globe and it’s eyebrow-raising that it’s only really when people talk about K-p*p, that this becomes a prominent argument. 

5. It’s also racist because once again, you have a superficial understanding beyond your annoyance at seeing idk, pretty people dancing in synchronicity on your screen because they’re ubiquitous and maybe you tried one song and hated it immediately. It’s a huge insult because yes, it’s true that there are acts that are carefully produced, packaged, and branded. AGAIN, this is not specific to K-p0p. Yes, there are artists who don’t care what they’re churning out and have zero calorie songs (to be clear, I’m of the mind that sometimes that’s what you want/need; if I want to jump up and down at karaoke with friends, I don’t need to put on the world’s greatest masterpiece). But there are also a lot of artists who DO care about artistry; are talented, creative, and even boundary-pushing; and put a lot of meaning and thought behind every aspect of their music, performance, wardrobe, etc.! By being so readily dismissive of an entire country’s pop scene and painting everything with the same brush, you’re shutting yourself into a provincial mindset when you don’t know what’s out there. 

This was blunt and it probably got mean at points, but I’m too tired to care. If you do want to talk about it, though, I won’t bite your head off or be short with you because again, if you’re a friend/mutual, then I like and respect you. I don’t know why I bothered wasting my time writing this, but I’m so sick of this.

[council-of-colors]

Y’all ever lay there and suddenly realize how meaningless your existence is, how it won’t be long until everyone forgets about you and you’re left all alone with nothing but your thoughts and feelings. And it’s just like huh, I could disappear and not much would happen would it? But there’s something so great about that too, I mean nothing so I can do really anything because in the end I’ll never make any sort of meaningful impact on the people around me.

There’s a certain beauty in being hopelessly forgettable and unimportant. If nothing matters then why care what you do? Why not live in the moment and simply do what you want. You’re damned either way.

Sure it’s soul crushing but in a nice familiar sort of way

Anyways goodnight

[p-o-t-g]

"What? You gonna kill yourself?" He asked, on the phone. Its weird how my brain memorized every second of it when it couldn't remember anything else in that moment. And I knew I was never easy to love, everyone had a catch but mine was a little bigger than others. But I was actually has been fallen into believing that he didn't care any of them. Its hurtful because I couldn't get his kisses from my scars for a long time. I hated them after a long time, too. His voice was cold and sarcastic, I couldn't believe how heartless he said it. My heart stopped beating for a moment, rushed hanging off the phone. Listen the tired phone ringing just to hear a dry apology from pity. I was trying to ask him how to get through the night, because I had to. And his respond was this. I knew from that exact moment there was no chance for us ever again. How could you say this to someone you love? And I hate asking "How" because it is such a unimportant question. Still, How could he say that? What did he wanted? How did he forget or maybe he never had something to remember in the first place. Moreover, how could he want to say this? I never left him when he was in pain even if both my hand were on fire. At least all the times I knew he was in pain, and trust me ghosts, I fucking swear I tried to understand it, always. God I could give him all my life if he wanted to. I hate how you were easily laughing and fucking around when I was unable to do anything about myself. Still you do that. But I am better now, and the difference is I can't see you the way I do before. And I don't know if I am ever going to be able to look someone else as the way I did to you. Because when you were silent and sleeping, I look at you same way before. I know what kind of person you are, I know him, ghosts. I know he loved me before, but at some point it stopped, no matter how hurtful it is and actually makes me wanna die, rip my heart out of my chest and never love again, actually never look at someone else's eyes, not let anyone to touch my lips someone other than him. You know ghosts, all of his body is touched by others but my lips is still marked by him from the last. And I don't want anyone to mess it up. If they gave me the chance, I would close my eyes and don't even recognize anyone else but him. I would wish him to be the only one in my life and I wouldn't need anyone else. I know he is not just that respectless unmature boy but there is more of him, much more of him to take care and love. Still, I will never be the one who do it. At least to his face, anymore.

They say never fell in love with a writer becuase then you never die. I think its pretty true. He is the one i hate and the one i am deeply in love. I can't believe myself when I find myself, again, adoring this guy that fucked every corner of my life worst way possible, really.

I saw in a video today that says people are scared to hold the pen and start to write. Because I can tell him that he's not important and I don't want to talk to him ever again, I'm disgusted with him to his face but I can't lie when I start to write and I will be probably thanking the god for creating him, it's usually how it ends.

There's a lot of things today in my mind, how I remember what he acted like when we were dating and how he cared about me so purely, then how he is now such an arrogant and respectless boy. Really hurting me without giving a shit about me and how he fucks with other girls. It really hurts me even though I thought it would never hurt me again, thought I was getting used to it. But I don't like when it's confirmed. And the worst thing is; I do hear that he's talking about me and he's still caring about me at some way even if its hateful unreasonably and it's so meaningless he could fuck another girl when he was still thinking about me. Fucking insane.

There is a belief of mine about we could never be together even after years, probably the biggest effect was my mom and her fiancee on this because they were first love of each other and it just went worse and worse day by day. We're probably not the same with them but I know after what he did to me and generally what he did and what he turned into, its impossible. You know ghosts I always said he didn't change but yeah something changed, something turned into respectless and dirty, something just makes me feel like I'm touching something very dirty and wrong when I think about him lately. It doesn't feel good. I feel like his body is irreversibly got uglier but not in a physical way. No, he is the most beautiful human existence I have ever seen, always will be. But on the other hand, with every curse and hurtful words, every touch of another women, It turned into something I wouldn't want to touch. And I think its really the hardest thing to accept nothing will ever be the same whatever he do anymore. Because I don't want him anymore, I am hurted by him more than anything had did to me in my life, maybe he didn't made me suffer as much as I did to myself. But other than that, yeah whatever.

He loves someone else now

Maybe more than me, in the end, I was the one who fell first and harder. I loved him more than anything I ever did, everyone and every place in my life could get together at once and I would search for his smell. But, obviously it was always me. He knew how to love, he learnt it before, I didn't. I learned how to love someone in him and with him. I knew it was a dead end from the beggining and all of this wasn't even in my plan. I never thought I could touch him and he would like it. And I swear ghosts, when he did let me and liked it, I was the happiest person on the planet and I know its cliche and a meaningless way to say it but I can't put my gratitude into words. But I can say I wasted all of my wishes and gratitudes to your existence. For more than you imagined. And if I knew how everything would come down to this, I would still be loving you as much as I did today and yesterday. And now I know your favorite bands, your favorite places, where you liked to be touched, what you like to be said, every dream you had. And now you're going, and I can't even hate you for it because I always want you to be happy even when it made me sad. I don't know how could that be possible but I think this is what love is and I am so thankful that you taught me how to love. You, though, knew it already. And I think I couldn't teach you anything other than others did. Even if I did, I would prefer not to knowledge it since it would be worse if I know I did the best for you in your opinion and you still left me. I think, I am sorry. Because you did a lot to me. I honestly could hate myself for not giving you enough (because it would never be enough) when you were the one that I want to give everything I had. Don't know if it make sense.

You are leaving and I am staying a little far away from where you left, I still can't put myself to move on with my life and I don't want this. I really don't.

Yesterday I look at the pills I threw into the street, they were still there, a little crushed.

It is hard to accept, most of the time I do accept.

I actually do.

But, there is still this, paragraphs, words and words turns around my head.

He always loved the songs I cried on it. I love what he listens, moreover, I love how he listens.

Look at me ghosts, how lost and confused I am in him.

And how he is in another.

[vins-emotional-mess]

please I just want to be washed away

I'm such a mess it's to the point where my partner saw how much I overthink about who another person I love talks to now.

To the point where a hater didn't even really mention or reblog from me—their partner for a long while until not even a full week ago when they left.

I was so invisible and unimportant to their life that they didn't even look into me. I don't know if their detective skills are poor or if I'm just as meaningless to the people I love as I think I am.

With my partner watching me, they are justifiably scared to sleep because they know how dark I get. My partner is aware I've suffered a death in my family on top of two heartbreaks from the same system and a scare in a different relationship due to a miscommunication (that the system I just mentioned is unaware of because they don't ask how I am).

I'm sure they know I want to try again, try and see the river. But I won't be able to see the river at all tonight. not "we don't talk about bruno" it's more like "we don't talk about vin's dark thoughts" but split still wants me to keep it secret like it won't be obvious i haven't eaten anything unless the person is actively watching me eat.

And like an hour ago, they messaged me—I didn't see it until an hour after they sent it. not my partner.

It's hard to believe they just "happened" to wake up and decided to message me. It's just paranoia and speculation, but I feel watched in a way. That or like I'm just an afterthought to have fun with someone else—or both. Like they went to spend time with someone else not too long after leaving instead of joining me when I wanted to be there to comfort them after the mess I was nearly dragged into even after they hurt me so much by leaving to "avoid hurting me" or something. Funny how I've always said this is the exact pain I hate, and yet they still hurt me with it—they know unintentional pain hurts too.

They still hide things from me about her and her interests/crushes/maybe partners even by now? It doesn't matter though—I'm nothing to her anyway now.

And they broke my heart twice... I don't know if I should let it be a third after all, "three strikes you're out" or something? I don't know. As much as it all hurts, I want to make things work. But I know that's not what they want. They don't feel that way for me, and the one that does would rather not work through things in a relationship. It just leaves me feeling like they wouldn't want to try and talk things out with me about this stuff.

Like they decided, "Hey, sorry, but I've thought it over and haven't spoken to you in depth about leaving you before—just some issues I brought up maybe once each separately—not like steps we could take to prevent a breakup, but it's over, lol! Good luck with the double heartbreak while you're grieving while I heal my jealousy issues I feel around the person that doesn't leave you wondering when they are free and goes out of their way to make time with you!"

Can't say this to them though—I wouldn't want to be so blunt with it and end up causing pain or say something emotional like how i dump here. I know this would just be better for everyone if i was in that river.

[rw7771]

Philosophy lesson

The Problem of Evil has been stated in different ways:

The Logical Problem of Evil, considered by many to be one of the most formidable objections to the existence of God, was first identified in antiquity by Epicurus when he noted that there were four possibilities:

1) If God wishes to take away evils and is not able to, then he is feeble.

2) If God is able to take away evils but does not wish to, then he is malevolent.

3) If God neither wishes to nor is able to take away evils, then he is both malevolent and feeble and therefore not God at all.

4) If God wishes to take away evils and is able to, then why are there evils in the world, and why does he not remove them?

In response, St. Thomas Aquinas argued that it is not necessarily clear that the world would be more perfect in the absence of evil, and that worthy concepts such as justice, kindness, fairness and self-sacrifice would be meaningless if there were no evil to set against them. The so-called Unknown Purpose Defence argues that human limitations might not permit us to guess the motivations of God, especially if, as some argue, He cannot be known directly.

The Empirical Problem of Evil, initially formulated by David Hume, argues that if people did not have a prior commitment to believe the contrary (i. e. religious convictions), their experience of the world and its evils would lead them to Atheism and the conclusion that a God who is good and all-powerful cannot exist. A counter-argument to this might be that the apparent senselessness of some evil might in itself force a person to seek an explanation for it, which might be God.

The Probabilistic Argument from Evil argues that the very existence of evil is evidence that no God exists, although Alvin Plantinga notes that the meaning of this claim depends on the probabilistic theory we hold to.

Theodicy is the specific branch of theology and philosophy that attempts to reconcile the existence of evil or suffering in the world with the belief in an omniscient, omnipotent, and benevolent God. Therefore it accepts that evil exists and that God is both good and able to remove evil, and then seeks to explain why he does not do so. One of the most famous formulations is that of Gottfried Leibniz in 1710, who made the optimistic claim that our world is optimal among all possible worlds, and that it must be the best possible and most balanced world, simply because it was created by a perfect God.

An example of this is the free-will defense, according to which it was not possible for God to create a world with good but no evil because his purpose for the universe required humans to have free will, and that good could not exist without freedom to choose evil (similar to Aquinas's argument above), although it can also be argued that there still seems to be a disproportionate amount of evil in the world.

Another example is the question of why He allows the suffering of animals (for whom free will is assumed not to apply). Some defenses suggest that the purpose of such suffering may be unknown, or that most of the suffering occurs when we remove animals from their natural surroundings, or just that we are given the free will to try to do something about it.

Recurring defenses in theodicy include: that what people consider evil or suffering is an illusion or unimportant; that events thought to be evil are not really so; that what we see as evil is really part of a divine design that is actually good, but our limitations prevent us from seeing the big picture; that God, if he exists, is so far superior to man that he cannot be judged by man, and that to even try is mere arrogance; that evil is the consequence of God giving people free will; that evil and suffering are intended as a test for humanity, to see if we are worthy of His grace; that evil is the consequence of people not observing God's revealed will, and not actually caused by God; that evil is propagated by the Devil in opposition to God; that God is a righteous judge and, if someone suffers, it is because they have committed a sin that merits such punishment; that neither good nor evil could exist without both existing simultaneously.

[jjkeremika]

01 – Give Me Something to Live For

01/?? When Lightning Strikes the Heart (EreMika)

“Alright, Eren. Listen and listen closely because I’m only going to review this once. Your job is to guard—”

“Why didn’t you kill me?”

“Ah, jeez, you’re still stuck on that shit?” The captain sighed. It’s been weeks since Eren had been indoctrinated into the army, all for one express purpose (if only he’d let them tell him what it was), and this sorrowful S.O.B. can’t stop victimizing himself.

He tried to make eye contact with the kid but Eren’s eyes were lost in space. It was evident that he was consumed with this thought, the idea of his survival being the enemy’s intentional choice baffled him. This torment was especially obvious now when for the past couple weeks when Erwin tried repeatedly to explain Eren’s new role in this world, Eren rejected him. Erwin’s orders and explanations were unsatisfactory, and the pain it caused him was now fully evident in his eyes.

It’s really getting old. The captain sighed again, deeply exasperated. He felt he was at his wits end with this kid.

“Y’know, honestly, I was hoping I wouldn’t have to explain my decision to some kid.” Erwin spat out the word like it was toxic, a poison that gained power with each second the word was on the tongue.

He could feel his lip twitch into a slight smile when he saw a split second of anger flare up in Eren’s eyes. A little bit of fight behind all that self-pity.

Erwin sighed again. “Alright. Listen.”

Eren shook himself out of his trance and stared at Erwin, an indiscernible mix of emotions flowing throughout him. He looked older than when Eren first met him only weeks ago. Was that his influence?

“There’s two kinds of people of use in this world:” Erwin held up two fingers, staring at Eren with an empty expression. “Those with everything to lose, and those with nothing to lose… Well, maybe some bread.” Erwin chuckled at his own joke; Eren’s stern expression never faltered.

As usual, the kid’s unamused with the captain’s antics. Erwin rolled his eyes and continued: “Despite having vastly different situations, both are generally willing to do anything for some objective.”

“Objective?”

Erwin nodded. He held up one finger. “The first group fears losing something.” He held up the second finger. “The second group wants something. Get it?”

“No.”

“Hopeless,” Erwin sighed, rubbing his forehead with his hand.

Eren shuffled in place. It looked as though he felt uncomfortable discussing his own survival. “But at that time… in that place… I wanted death.”

“Well, want something else.” Erwin shrugged like it was unimportant, meaningless. “Anyway, that’s why you’re alive, okay? So, stop dwelling on it and move forward. M’bout to give you something to live for, anyway.”

Eren finally met Erwin’s gaze. “So…” he started quietly, gaining confidence in his voice as he spoke, “What’s my objective?”

Erwin smiled arrogantly, using Eren’s newfound confidence as a basis for a job-well-done, a new sense of pride in his captaincy. Eren had no idea, but he was Erwin’s first save, and Erwin was glad he was able to save anyone from that scene. He had no idea why the village had been ordered to be burned, but he knew he wanted to help as many people as possible escape when he’d heard the order. He knew he had failed when he was watching the village burn, listening to the blood-curdling screams of women and children as they suffered from life-threatening third-degree burns.

But he had watched a dark-haired woman run right into the burning building and run out with a young boy in her arms. He had watched the young woman collapse to the ground, had heard her trying to bark orders for him to get away before it was too late. He had watched the boy fall to his knees, probably listening to his mother speak for the last time in his life.

It was hard to maintain his humanity after seeing the turmoil of war firsthand, but this boy would be the source of his pride, the reason he believed in humanity again. He would make sure of it.

Erwin started walking, silently motioning with his head for Eren to follow. He did, which Erwin was silently thankful for. “There’s a girl about your age. She’s special, so a lot of people are after her.”

“So?”

They stopped in front of a metal door, one that seemed far too heavy for him to move on his own.

“So, she needs a guard.” Erwin stood opposite of Eren, hand near the door handle. “That’s where you come in.”

“I don’t know the first thing about being a guard.”

“That’s okay. We have every intention of training you. Just don’t let anyone down, okay? She may seem young and weak but she’s more powerful than the entire nation’s army.”

**************

01 - Give Me Something To Live For

When Lightning Strikes the Heart

EreMika, AU