#because that show gave me so much joy and it was my safe space

[violeblanche]

.

[exhaslo]

Miguel who meets Reader in Alchemax, and learns that she's in the tech department and become friends.

Miguel that with the help of Reader (and Lyla) build the Gizmo to travel across dimensions, after revealing his identity as Spiderman.

Miguel that invited Reader to work for the Spider-society as he didn't want her to work for Alchemax. (He can't loose her too.)

Reader who becomes a safe space for Miguel, someone who to trust when the burden of the multiverse becomes too heavy.

Miguel who starts to fall in love with Reader, and is scared to get too attached because he might loose her.

Miguel who often thinks about Gabriella, and how much she would've loved Reader.

Fluff and angst? Sign me in.

SIGN ME UP TOOOOOOOO!!! Also, just going to make a small change for plot hehehe

Warning: None, just fluff. Slow-burn, angst, please give Miguel some love, mentions of death

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I can't lose this again!

I can't lose another person I care about!

The day you entered Miguel's life was honestly a godsent. Miguel had felt like his life was crashing down. He had lost his motive to do much after losing his one shot at a happy life. After losing his daughter. After losing what he thought was everything.

Miguel had been sitting alone in his lab, contemplating everything he has done.

Why can't I be allowed to be happy?

Miguel was ready to call it quits, but that was before you showed up. Lost and confused on your first day. Honestly, this was probably for the best. A good distraction for Miguel.

By the end of the day, you had thanked Miguel and wondered if you could possibly get more of his help in the future. Unable to say no, Miguel agreed.

You had brought a little light to his day.

--------

Each day you appeared before Miguel was another 'joyful' day. You were so kind and caring that no matter how Miguel was feeling, you just managed to make him feel better.

It felt almost selfish, but Miguel had requested you to work under him. He needed someone who could distract him. He wanted you to need him so that he felt useful. So that Miguel felt like there was still a reason to go on.

You were quite helpful. Miguel was honestly surprised by how well you knew your way around a machine. In his eyes, you were the best hire since him.

Don't leave me too.

------

As the days turned into weeks, Miguel had started to grow attached to you. You were making his life better by just being around. You had gained his trust and he with yours. It was purely by accident, but Miguel had started to reveal secrets to you.

It was embarassing.

But you just smiled and shared yours. Miguel had to resist a groan as he craved your smile; your attention; your being. You had become part of Miguel's life and he didn't want to lose you either. So, Miguel gave you an offer...

"(Y/N), I want you to work for me...at my other job." Miguel whispered as the two of you walked around the city of Nueva York.

"Ohhhhh, I get to be Spider-Man's helper! Count me in~"

"Huh? What? Since when have you known?" Miguel asked, quite shocked by your reaction. You just giggled to yourself,

"I got quite the eye, Miguel. I noticed quite a bit ago, buuuut, I was waiting for you to tell me."

Miguel was at a loss for words. You were just staring at him with a big ol' smile on your face. Feeling as if a heavy weight lifted off his shoulder, Miguel thanked you. You were giddy with joy and jumped onto Miguel, giving him a big hug.

Don't let go.

Miguel forced a chuckle as he held you, almost afraid to hug you back.

---------

Having you at the Spider Society was a great addition. You were like an angel for Miguel. Always there when he needed you. Always there when Miguel NEEDED you.

It was hard for Miguel to admit anything, but he knew for a fact that he loved you. You were always there for him when he needed a shoulder to lean on. When Miguel needed to vent his stress, you always gave him your ear.

The way your hands stroked his face whenever you tried to calm him down...was intoxicating.

The way your eyes sparkled as you kept eye contact with him was ever melting.

The soothing sound of your voice just made Miguel want to close his eyes and fall asleep in your embrace.

But what if I'm the only one who feels like this?

Miguel felt like he was standing on a lone mountain, watching everyone from above. Making sure that nothing fell out of place. His reach for you, ever so far.

"Hehe, Miguel, get down here and try out my new gadget," You called out.

"Gizmo," Miguel corrected.

Not wanting to waste a second, Miguel jumped down towards you. As you ran to him in glee, an image of Gabi took your place. Miguel shuddered as the blood drained from his face.

"Miguel? Are you alright?" You asked, your hand resting against his cheek, "You've look like you seen a ghost."

"Aye...for a moment...I did,"

Miguel held your hand, enjoying the warmth you gave. All of this was to protect you. Miguel could not fathom the thought of losing someone else he loved. If anything were to ever happen to you, then Miguel might just-"

"Hey, it's okay," You whispered, pulling Miguel into a hug, "You're hurting, but you don't have to do it alone. I'm here for you."

Don't let go, please.

Miguel inhaled sharply as he allowed himself to wrap his arms around your waist.

Don't leave me.

His head buried in your shoulder, inhaling your scent to calm him down.

Please, you're all I have.

Your soothing words calming him, bringing him back to his senses.

Miguel was going to make sure nothing ever happens to you. He was not going to have your blood on his hands. You had to stay alive for him. As much as Miguel wanted you, he knew that protecting you was more important than anything.

-------

You had gotten close to Miguel. Each day, Miguel craved more and more of your touch. You were perfect. If only Miguel had known better, than you would have been perfect for Gabi too. The two of you would have loved each other.

"You're overthinking again," You cooed as you planted yourself on Miguel's lap, "C'mon, help me fix this giiiiiizmo," You teased.

Miguel withheld a breathe as you placed yourself on top of him. His hands trembled slightly as he slowly placed them against your waist. He was hesitant, but Miguel rested his head against your shoulder, watching you tinker with the object.

"You seem to have it done," Miguel muttered. You turned your head to face his,

"I know, I just needed a comfy spot."

Miguel's eyes widen as you snickered towards his shocked expression. Almost at a lost for words, Miguel tried to think of something, but then you stopped his brain once more once you pecked his lips.

"Lyla, looks like I broke Miguel~" You chuckled.

I'll break for you. Anything for you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

GIVE THIS MAN SOME LOVE PLEASE!!!!!!

Hope you enjoyed~

[polaris-stuff]

Hey Noffy again

These last three episodes. Honestly I am still in shock.

As someone that was in the middel all the time. Right now at least the fandom seems United in being pissed (at what part certainly different, but i don't see anyone really liking this arc)

Right now...I don't think I gather my thoughts enough to say anything about the track the celestial family's arcs are going. Just that I am disappointed.

I am trying to find a way they can safe this arc.

Wich lies with that last but in the mgafs episode. The 'this all feels very orgistrated, moon losing his mind. Killing bloodmoon'. Or something along those lines.

If based on that. There is a sort of 'virus' reveal that some people have been speculating. I want something else to happen.

It still needs to hurt. That earth and lunar gave up on moon. Like it's the virus that made it all so quick and violent? (If that's what they are going for)

But still keep that part of the angst? I dunno. Something along those lines (still don't want old moon back without new moon. Answering for whats going in or the family trying to help. )

Gosh and I hate that sun wasn't here. People saying he needs to make a decision and then he isn't here?

I am afraid of next episode and what they are gonna tell sun. Sun is gonna be so utterly broken.

Uugh I think I am gonna join everyone in the fanfic reading.

I am still holding a sliver of hope they can fix this.

Or more I WANT THE SHOW TO FIX THIS.

I have not been in this community long. (Got introduced just around when Bloodmoon came back. ( A little before that))

I have not interacted with people much except in comments on ao3. Or asks where I can be on anon as I can't use my main. Or in the comments of threads.

But the people have been kind to me. Even if I held a different opinion. I've seen the joy this show gave. The art that it creates. And I am scared this arc is gonna destroy all that. Because people lose motivation because of this arc.

I really really hope not.

I hope the show brings it back. I hope they can do something. Even if for right now it feels like shit.

-noffy

I missed your asks, Noffy 🥺💖

Tbh I had no idea people were speculating about a virus until yesterday, and honestly, if it all ends up being about a virus (or the Ruin virus on Moon) I'll still be so upset. Because I won't be able to stop thinking about how Moon changed a little, became more aggressive and his family abandoned him at the first "No, I don't want help."

This whole arc only confirms the worst fears of all Moons: they will never be loved. They will always be the bad guys. << Which is btw what New Moon feared and talked to Earth about in therapy.

This arc feels rushed, gross, and not only did destroy the family, Moon's entire development was thrown in the trash. They butchered Moon's character. How are they going to fix this? Why tarnish the name of one of the show's protagonists so badly? Someone they're going to need later?

And you know what I hate more than everything? Sun doesn't know anything about what's going on. Puppet went, told him "you have to make a decision", Sun couldn't do it and Puppet went and sent Moon into space. Without authorization from Sun. And I hope Sun is really upset about it in the next episode.

Oh! And by the way! Earth comparing Moon to the creator felt like a stab in the back. The creator is a horrendous being who killed children for his own benefit, who does horrible experiments, and who planned and killed many people. New Moon has never killed anyone, New Moon was always helping his family, New Moon bought a house so Sun could have a place to relax, New Moon helped make Earth's new body with love, New Moon was so concerned about Lunar's well-being (when Eclipse came back) that he asked for and helped build a bodyguard for him.

New Moon was there ALL THE TIME for everyone.

But no one was for him.

I propose that the entire fandom pretend that this arc never happened :3 💖

[em-writes-stuff-sometimes]

My Work on Archive Of Our Own

Please ignore if me gushing about the reception of my fics is irritating. I understand there are some people who genuinely hate when fanfic writers do this, so I'm putting it under the cut so you don't have to see it!

(And fair warning; if this irritates you and you still decide to click 'keep reading' and you then decide that I am obviously up myself so I deserve a hate anon or several, I need to preemptively remind you that I gave you the choice not to engage. You will be blocked and I shall call you a silly little guy if you do this.)

I also would like to make this an invitation to anyone who wants to share their proudest stats, or a nice comment they got, or even just something they are really really happy about in having written their fic. (No need to click read more, just go for it and use this as your excuse to show some pride.) On any platform!

Gonna tag the following: @lya-dustin @ewanmitchellcrumbs @the-common-cowgirl @the-wonderland-madnesss @marthawrites

@vampire-exgirlfriend @exitpursuedbyavulcan @emilykaldwen @ripdragonbeans @aegonx

Feel free to turn this into a pass-on game, if you like! We should celebrate the things that make us happy, too. ❤️

I've not ever really posted about this because, IDK, I worry about being considered a conceited asshole. I figure, though, that this is my blog and my safe space and if I want to celebrate something I'm proud of then I should be able to do so. Nor am I implying that I believe this is any sort of metric of popularity or superiority, OR that I write for the sole purpose of validation through clicks and numbers. I have very little interest in engaging with any of that rhetoric. NO. It's just a convenient bonus, kinda like how I love my job and the fact I get paid is awesome but not my primary reason for doing it.

Okay, I think I've got the disclaimers out the way? (Can never be too sure with fandom.)

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who reads my stuff. Not only on here, but on Archive Of Our Own, which is more or less a place I consider the Ultimate Fanfiction Site (TM). It used to be fanfiction.net for me, but then their ads got annoying and their content ban gross, so AO3 it is! I've read fanfiction on AO3 since I was like 13, and I still find it crazy beyond belief that my work is not only on there, but that it gets any sort of traction at all.

As a little acknowledgement of something I'm proud of, I wanted to document my stats on my big series, terms of endearment, as of June 2024. It is by and large the biggest project I have ever done, and I've poured countless hours of researching, writing and editing into it.

darilaros (princess)

Words: 48,843 Comments: 254 Kudos: 801 Bookmarks: 111 Hits: 21,971

gevivys (beauty)

Words: 52,147  Comments: 578  Kudos: 2,965  Bookmarks: 490  Hits: 106,019

dōnus riñus (sweet girl)

Words: 58,775 Comments: 660 Kudos: 3,414 Bookmarks: 635 Hits: 141,339

ilībītsos (little slut)

Words: 62,725 Comments: 556 Kudos: 1,880 Bookmarks: 289 Hits: 99,939

ñuhus prūmȳs (my heart)

Words: 104,063 Comments: 1,188 Kudos: 2,274 Bookmarks: 368 Hits: 110,356

jorrāeliarzus (beloved) (ongoing)

Words: 38,451 Comments: 234 Kudos: 454 Bookmarks: 86 Hits: 16,208

That makes for a total of 365,004 words; 3,470 comments; 11,788 kudos; 1979 bookmarks; and 495,832 hits. Jesus Christ.

To everyone who kudos'ed, commented, bookmarked, subscribed or even just clicked on the link to the fic, thank you very much. This series has grown and grown, not just in my head but also in audience. It's given me so much encouragement and support in my writing, and a feeling like maybe I am decent at this? I don't know. I used to write when I was a kid, but I stopped during high school. Rediscovering the joy of it hasn't just been rewarding in terms of having fun with it, but also in discovering that there are people who genuinely want to read what I'm putting out. I've spent a lot of my life feeling powerless and silenced, so this really means so much to me.

I am going to keep on writing for as long as I possibly can, because I genuinely haven't found a hobby as long-lived and fulfilling as this.

Thank you. I'm so very lucky. I'm so grateful. I love you all!

[ladymirdan]

I often think about a thing that happened when I was still a kid and pretty new to Warhammer.

There were this FLGS located pretty much exactly inbetween my school and my home. I didnt do very well in school, my grades were okish but I skipped class A LOT. Oh the joy of being a girl with comically autistic traits in the 90’s, my baby brother got a diagnosis, I got a “why are you so weird, stop it”.

But I spent a lot of time in this store, and im genuinely surprised they let me do that. I was a kid, I couldnt buy very much. I just sat there and painted or played a few games. And sometimes I got to build stuff for the store (very exciting). They even convinced me to send in a contribution to Golden Daemon (I did not win, not even close 😂)

Even back then I was obsessed with oldhammer stuff. And the store owner who had been into nerd stuff for decades thought that was really fun and says something along the line of “hey I have a few first edition WHFB armies in a box in the basement, if you want tou can cone down with me and look at them.

So there I go, 14 year old girl, with this 40+ year old man into a shady ass basement to look at minis.

And the minis were soo awesome, he was a very good painter. He also found a “how to paint minis”- pamphlet from like the 80’s and gave it to me (boy do I wish I still had it)

But like, what was I thinking. If he had been any kind of shady guy, things could have ended so badly. I cringe just thinking about it. And I wasnt a naive kid either, ever since I hit puberty at like 11 ive had grown ass men grope me on the street before. I knew all about “bad men”.

But shoutout to that store for being one of the first places in my life where I felt appreciateed and not not a burden. Where people would greet me excitedly whenever I showed up. My guess is they saw a lot of themselves in that lonely and weird kid.

I would link to it, but it closed down over a decade ago, and I heard the owner passed away. And that is such a damn shame because the world needs more people like him. That creates safe spaces for the weird and the lost.

[gatheringbones]

[“There is this idea that turning points are clean and complete, but while my body seemed to want more of these experiences with Jane, my mind remained wary and confused. It was like a tug of war: one minute, I would buck against the dildo Jane held in her hand and the next I would push it out of me. I’d hover above Jane, careful to keep from resting even an ounce of my weight on her and then I’d suddenly plop down on her lap and grind down on her like a pestle. I’d thrill as Jane’s eyes roamed across my body and then I’d hear myself say, “Stop looking at me.”

For so long, I had dismissed the parts of me that wanted to be an object of desire, telling myself that my worth lay in the pleasure I gave to other women. And while I had squirmed against the butch label, that was perhaps because I also saw how I much I hid behind the swaggery, masculine aspects of it to keep myself safe from rejection. When I was suddenly faced with a person who actually wanted the soft, vulnerable—dare I say feminine—parts of me, who made me feel fuckable, it took time for the old stories to sieve their way out of me. And they never did completely. But as we kept having sex I began to feel relief instead of fear in giving up control. I began to appreciate the space it afforded me to start paying attention to what made my body feel good and not just my partner’s. I also began to see how femininity and objectification held their own power. There is something so emboldening about holding a lover’s gaze, about allowing them inside the deepest parts of you. And even when you are “the bottom” there is a constant dance of consent and choice being navigated between you and your partner. Understanding this made me a better lover when I was topping too.

It is not as if being fucked with one big dick a few times made me comfortable with the fluidity of my gender and of my sexual desires, but as Jane and I continued to stretch each other’s boundaries inside of a monogamous, trusting relationship, and my adult friends embraced the sex we were having, I started to experiment with my body in other ways. I asked Jane to show me how to apply my own lipstick and eyeliner. I started wearing dresses and heels, first to fancy occasions and then, sometimes, just because. I stopped pretending I always knew what people were talking about and discovered the joy of learning what was on the other side of an admission of not knowing. Jane changed too. She bought ripped jeans and T-shirts. She cut her hair short. She became more assertive and direct, eventually coming out to her parents. Once Jane and I realized we could actually inhabit the things we were attracted to in the other person, that it wouldn’t compromise what was already there, we also became kinder to each other because we stopped needing the other person to be a certain way in order to feel complete.

After two years, Jane and I broke up. It was painful, not devastating. We hadn’t hidden or twisted our desires with each other, so when we couldn’t meet them, it didn’t feel like a rejection of who I was but rather an indication that we had simply changed as much as we could together, and whatever else we were changing into, we had to change with other people, and perhaps, more importantly, on our own.”]

amy gall, from my dick, your dick, our dick, from wanting: women writing about desire, 2023

[blacksapphhicmaddonna]

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH, ALPHABET MAFIA

just a few reminders:

- first pride was a riot

- black & BIPOC queer people are the foundation of our entire nation and the global culture

- we owe most of our rights and progress to BIPOC trans women/femmes and different communities of lesbians, trans/gnc folks and elders.

- trans people have always existed, they are ancient and indigenous to many cultures and places and are SACRED.

- I’m glad you’re here and there is community out there for you, waiting with open arms. Don’t give up just yet, please.

- rainbow capitalism isn’t liberation

- we are all we have, be fucking better to each other

- lesbians have done so much for lgbtqia+ people and should maybe idk stop being erased for no reason

- biphobia is real and just bc your ex cheated on you doesn’t make it bi folks fault, you’re projecting babe

- being queer doesn’t dissolve white privilege, pls touch grass

- be safe at pride. they’re coming for us all and we need to protect ourselves.

- not everyone wants to use the word queer/dyke/fag etc. I’m glad you reclaimed the slurs used against you, me too, but not everyone wants to and you need to respect that. LGBTQIA+* exists for a reason.

- the black and brown belong on the flag.

- the A is for asexual/romantic or agender, not ally.

- get some pussy (or whatever you do (or don’t do)) and make space for joy! because black/queer joy is revolutionary and fucking righteous just as much as our anger is, too

- Juneteenth coming up too, issa parade in my city fr

- asexuals/aromantics belong at pride. Period. Full stop.

- safe sex is the best sex

- get tested!

- it’s okay to not watch the news. america is hell, go take a nap

- people 100% know themselves better than you ever will, people are who they say they are and you don’t get to decide that for them. respect pronouns, identity, etc. or argue w ya mama/god/someone else cause it ain’t finna be me ❤️

- you deserve relationships that feel safe and actually are safe. Don’t settle.

- learn your queer history. they won’t teach us. they took our elders from us.

- Black LGBTQIA+* history IS Black History.

- we all need to be thankful to the house mothers and the ballroom scene and those who gave us what we have now, regardless of who you are.

- don’t call yourself a stud if you’re not BLACK. wit a capital B and at least one BLACK parent.

- not everyone is out. happiest of pride month to y’all. you’re still gang and we love you just as much. 💗

- our collective liberation lies in the fact that we are all tied to each other. if you’re down for the gays but not the theys, you’re not as decolonized as you think you are.

- shout out to fanfiction writers who have been single-handedly providing queer art/content/representation for years while the industry continues to make a mockery of us or intentionally leave us out. one thing we gonna do is help someone find their queer awakening, and get that story right. love us 🤪 go team

- your life means something. it’s important beyond comprehension. you look good. your ass is fat (if you want it to be). get the mullet as a lil treat.

- LGBTQIA+* people across the board have ALWAYS existed in literally every culture and every continent (and Antarctica counts if you count the cute lil gay penguins😌). Don’t let them tell you different. We are not a “mInOrItY”, we have been MINORITIZED. we are not small, we are great and mighty and have ALWAYS been here. And we always will. We exist in the future just as we have existed in the past. We stand on the shoulders of MASSIVE collective ancestors. If that’s not an indication to keep going, keep fighting, keep laughing, dancing, voguing, and keep showing up authentically - then I don’t know what is.

- it’s gonna be ok baby. pinkie promise.

[pinchofhoney]

Could you write something for rick grimes? like stepdad rick

tell me that you'll keep me safe

rick grimes x fem!reader

word count: 3.6k

warning: not proofread, where's lori? i don't know, don't ask me; not here, anyway, our lovely reader is cunning and sly adorable and innocent, and the plot is set during the second season on the greene family farm<33 oh, and there's an age gap, but everything's legal

summary: You're not the one who needs to be helped, yet pretending you do? Surprisingly fun.

a/n: no need to say more! hii<33 thank you so much for that not-really-requesting request, and i mean that because you gave me the space to write something that has been on my mind for a week now!! it’s not a stepdad!rick, but i hope you don’t mind; it’s just i really wanted to write this. i hope you’ll enjoy it anyway (and feel free to drop more detailed stepdad!rick ask, so that i can write your request as best i can!!<3)

pages that may interest you: masterlist ♡ taglist ♡ who i write for

Between everyday chores, laughter danced on the breeze, casting an unusual lightness upon every person at the farm. You hummed a soft tune, losing yourself in the simple joy of gathering wildflowers near the barn. Each delicate petal added to the bouquet, and your wind-tousled hair fluttered in a carefree manner, enhancing your appearance of innocence.

Or, at least, that's what you wanted Rick to believe; in your innocence and vulnerability.

As you plucked the flowers, a playful smile waltzed on your lips, hidden behind a facade of pure illusion. You relished the game you were playing, fully aware of the potency of this delicate act.

Your thoughts wandered, assembling the pieces of your innocent little puzzle, born out of sheer boredom in the world you unexpectedly found yourself living in.

Despite being aware of your strength as a woman, you secretly enjoyed the allure of Rick's caring gaze, surrounding you whenever you fell within his line of sight. Each move you made was a subtle manipulation, inviting him in, conveying your vulnerability while secretly pleasing him with your shrewdness.

The plan was simple; steer clear of guns and walkers, and simply ignore the looks from your family, who, naturally, knew you very well. Your hunger for independence before the outbreak was one thing, but now you found a satisfying enjoyment in the protective embrace with which the older man shielded you. Not to mention that playing the lovely, helpless niece of the farmer brought you a lot of fun.

It was a delicate and subtle cooperation between reality and illusion, a dance where you held the strings without letting them peek.

The sun lounged lazily in the sky, bathing the family farm in a soft glow. It was one of those days when time stretched without urgency, enveloping the world in a cocoon of ease. The morning air carried the tender scent of dewy grass, and the swaying trees whispered tales about the world that was once so familiar to all of you. For a fleeting moment, the chaos beyond the fence—the groans of the walkers—seemed distant, cloaked in a serene atmosphere.

Rick approached you, casting a glance over his shoulder at the rest of the group, each person engrossed in their own tasks. He sidled up next to you, maintaining a respectful distance, and observed you absorbed in your flowery world.

“Hey, shouldn't you be with the others?”

You lifted a surprised gaze, sparkling with calculated innocence, quickly meeting his steady eyes. You had been so entranced by the hum of the melody that his footsteps had gone unnoticed. Catching sight of Rick's familiar face, you offered him a gentle smile and straightened, showing him the flowers clutched in your hand.

“Oh, I was just picking some flowers for the kitchen. They brighten up the place, don't you think?” Your voice carried the soft tone of someone who seems delicate.

While Rick nodded in agreement, he had no intention of leaving you alone here. Despite the familiar faces that showed up in the farmyard every now and then, he wanted to be the one to keep you safe.

“Let me walk you back. It will be safer that way.”

Hearing his words, you fought the urge to roll your eyes and shoot him a look insinuating he was unnecessarily exaggerating the danger. Instead, you just nearly sang out with your soft voice, “But there are no walkers here,” pointing it out before quickly stepping away and crouching by a clump of daisies.

“Maggie asked you to head back to help her trim her hair,” Rick's words lingered as his eyes stayed fixed on you.

You chuckled to yourself, hiding your true feelings behind a mask. You were pretty sure Maggie didn’t actually need your assistance, especially not with a haircut, but playing along was all part of the game to achieve what you were aiming for; his protection and, above all, attention.

You weren't one to treat people as pawns in your game, but when you first set eyes on Rick the day his group arrived at the farm, you couldn't resist the idea of having a little fun.

After all, in this world, everyone was destined to meet their end sooner or later, right?

“Just a few more,” you replied casually, not exactly acknowledging the man's words.

Gathering more flowers for your bouquet, a soft breeze toyed with the delicate fabric of your dress, causing one strap to slip off your shoulder.

Rick's attention quickly shifted to your shoulder when he noticed the strap slipping, but just as swiftly, his gaze returned to your face before flickering toward the flowers you were reaching for.

That strap seemed like a subtle detail, a fleeting imperfection in the flawless image you'd been effortlessly painting all along.

Standing tall, a proud yet gentle smile graced your lips as you lifted the vibrant bouquet, its wildflowers creating a vivid contrast against the soft, bright shades of the dress you were wearing. Rick's protective instincts sharpened instantly at the sight, drawn to shield someone who appeared delicate yet strangely captivating. As you rose, an effortless adjustment to a slipped strap caught his attention, smoothly getting rid of the minor imperfection without a hint of concern.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” you asked, shifting your gaze from the bouquet to Rick's face, awaiting his praise. He simply nodded and gestured towards the house, prompting an eye-rolling chuckle from you.

As you both strolled in the indicated direction, you maintained your composure, your calm demeanor unwavering. However, a mischievous sparkle danced in your eyes when Rick wasn't looking.

The subtle playfulness in your tone and the glint in your eye hinted at a more foxy truth beneath your facade. You enjoyed the sway you held over his protective instincts, delighting in the security and dominance he offered in this unpredictable world.

Back in the cozy warmth of Hershel's kitchen, the wildflowers you had picked now found their place in a rustic vase, their colors standing out against the worn wooden table. The smell of fresh flowers mingled with the aroma of a recently finished breakfast, filling the air.

Rick leaned casually against the door frame, his gaze fixed on you. There was something captivating about the way you delicately arranged the flowers. Catching his eye, you smiled with a playful glint dancing in your eyes.

“Thanks for walking me back, Rick,” you said, your voice as gentle as the petals you'd just arranged. “It's nice having someone who cares.”

Rick nodded, his smile softening. The sight of a man smiling wasn’t common, so you cherished every moment he gifted you with one, even if it was small.

“We gotta look out for each other,” he replied, and you could hear the obvious sincerity in his tone.

As you breezed by him in the doorway, your fingers lightly grazed his rough hand, a touch so delicate it could almost pass as accidental. His eyes met yours, a flare of surprise dancing across his face, but you effortlessly kept up an air of innocence, saying nothing.

Instead, you just made your way toward Maggie's room upstairs, supposedly to lend a hand, humming that familiar tune that lingered in the barn's air before.

Leaning against the hallway wall leading to the kitchen, Shane crossed his arms, quietly observing the entire scene. His sharp eyes tracked your every move, a knowing smile quirking up the corners of his mouth. When you passed by, words weren't necessary—his expression said it all.

He saw through your facade, catching glimpses of your true abilities hidden beneath your innocent front. The playful energy you emitted lingered in his thoughts, and he found himself personally impressed by the subtle game you were playing, deftly toying with Rick's protective instincts.

“Maybe you should teach her how to shoot?” Shane suggested, pushing away from the wall and walking into the kitchen, passing Rick. Before he could react to Shane's unexpected presence (especially considering their increasingly strained relationship), he continued, his tone somewhat mocking. “What if something happens to our little sunshine? You know, there might be times when you can't always be there for her,” he pointed out, particularly emphasizing the term sunshine when referring to you.

Rick pushed himself away from the door frame, ignoring Shane's tone and took a few steps deeper into the kitchen, stopping by the table where a vase sat. He rested one hand on his hip, shifting his weight from one leg to the other.

“Y/N has never held a gun in her life. She won't hit a walker even if it's lying in front of her, waiting for her to shoot him right in the head,” Rick replied, gently caressing the petals of a flower in the vase.

In response, Shane let out a chuckle, shaking his head in disbelief. He grabbed a glass from the cupboard, poured water from the tap, and took a sip, turning to face Rick. Leaning against the countertop, he grinned.

“I can’t believe it,” he said, still amused.

Rick furrowed his brow, giving Shane a questioning look. “Believe what?” he asked, seeing that Walsh wasn't planning on elaborating.

“She's playing you, man. Playing you like a fiddle,” he replied with a smirk on his face as he took another sip of water.

Shane walked a few steps, standing on the opposite side of the table. He casually rested his free hand on his pistol at his belt, looking at Rick with a grin. One might think a grown man couldn't be so naive, but clearly, something must have gone awry in his friend's mind.

“Take her to that shooting lesson, or I'll do it and prove she's bluffing” he stated, then without waiting for Rick's response, left the kitchen shaking his head, leaving his friend alone.

You stood on the porch between the two men, fidgeting nervously from foot to foot.

“Are you sure it's safe?” you asked, your worried eyes darting to Rick, your eyebrows gently furrowing, giving yourself an even softer look.

Rick stood beside you, hands on his hips, scanning the courtyard as the sun stretched its rays across the landscape. He turned his gaze to you at your question, a hint of care flickering in his eyes.

“Yes, I'm sure,” he reassured, nodding to emphasize his certainty. “You know nothing's goin’ to happen to you, right? Hershel thinks it's a good idea,” he added.

At the mention of your uncle’s name, you straightened slightly, a glimpse of unease crossing your face briefly. Thankfully, Rick didn't seem to notice, but from the corner of your eye, you caught Shane leaning against the porch railing, shaking his head while releasing a quiet chuckle.

“You talked to him?” you asked, brushing off the other man's reaction.

“Yeah, he seemed a little confused, but,” Rick started, only to be swiftly interrupted by Shane with his seemingly innocent yet biting remark.

“He's probably worried about his favorite niece, isn't he?”

Your gaze shifted to Shane, who looked at you meaningfully with an almost genuine smile playing on his lips. Before you could respond, Rick nodded and cleared his throat before speaking.

“Meet me at the car in twenty minutes, okay? Got something else to take care of,” he said, and as you agreed with a quick nod, he headed toward the tents scattered across the yard where he and his group were staying.

As Rick's figure moved away from the porch, you both remained in silence. Once he was a safe distance away, you turned to his friend, your eyes holding a hint of seriousness and your jaw gently clenched.

“How did you come up with that, huh?” he asked, amusement twinkling in his brown eyes as he crossed his arms.

“I don't know what you're talking about,” you replied shortly, with no intention of elaborating on your actions to anyone.

Shane's laughter was muffled in response, his head slightly tilted back. When he focused on you again, a touch more serious now, he pushed himself off the railing and stepped closer, leaning in slightly.

“You can toy with Rick, it's cool, but not in front of me, sweetheart,” he said, watching your reaction closely. “Seeing you act like a clueless kitten just to get his attention? It's a real pain in the existential department” he added in a slightly softer voice, carefully enunciating each word to make them sink into your head.

You gazed into his eyes silently, pondering how many others had caught onto your little game. It was clear your uncles, Maggie, Beth, and Shawn had noticed your shift around Rick and had commented more than once. But was anyone else in his group as sharp as Shane to see through you?

“Better head upstairs to freshen up,” Shane's teasing tone snapped you back to reality, and you blinked a few times. “Gotta impress Rick, right, sweetheart?” With those words, he strolled past you, heading into the house.

Glancing over your shoulder after him, you let out a deep sigh and shifted your gaze to the side, catching Carl's eye. You flashed him the warmest smile you could muster and raised your hand in a friendly wave in his direction.

“Dad mentioned he'd teach you to shoot today,” the boy said, strolling toward the porch. You closed the distance, meeting him.

“Yeah, we're heading out soon. I'm getting a little stressed,” you chuckled softly, slipping back into the facade momentarily disrupted by Shane.

“You've never shot before?” Carl asked, peering at you from beneath a large sheriff's hat.

“Never had the chance,” you replied, a small tug at the corner of your lips as you bent the truth, shaking your head slightly. Leaning casually against the porch railing, you cast a glance down at the boy.

“It's not too tough, you'll catch on quick,” he reassured you with a genuine smile before heading off.

As he left, you stood there for a moment, taking in the peacefulness of the farm. The gentle buzz of life surrounded you, and you sighed softly, feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders. With a determined shake of your head, you pushed away from the railing and headed towards the barn, the dusty path crunching beneath your boots.

Before meeting Rick at the car, you needed to take a short walk, wanting a moment to yourself before diving into the lesson where you'd have to feign clumsiness, pretending you barely know how to hold a gun in your hands.

“Focus, Y/N,” you heard Rick's voice coming from not too far behind you. There was a hint of annoyance in it, but Rick was trying hard to keep his emotions in check. He was definitely better than you, and it was clear he wanted you to learn something from this lesson. If someone under your care had been messing up like this, you'd have hopped into the car long ago, heading back to the farm and leaving them to their own fate. It was a bit of a natural selection.

You turned to Rick, wearing a defeated expression, and lowered your gun. “This is too hard, Rick,” you complained, puffing out your lower lip in a delicate manner.

A tired sigh escaped him, followed by Rick stepping closer, his gaze calm as he looked down at you. “Alright, let's give it another try, shall we?” he asked, and in that moment, it felt like you were seven years old again, sitting at the kitchen table with your dad trying to teach you math.

Rick stepped closer, his eyes studying the way you held his revolver. He adjusted your grip, his touch firm yet gentle. “See, Y/N, it's all about balance,” he explained, standing right behind your back, his voice calm and steady. “You want your feet shoulder-width apart, like this,” he positioned your feet, his closeness making you hyper-aware of his presence. “And hold the gun steady, elbows slightly bent. It gives you better control.”

You nodded, trying to focus on his instructions, but it was hard with him so close. Even though you were perfectly fine with a gun, suddenly all your knowledge and muscle memory just flew out of your body. You could feel the warmth radiating from his body, and it sent a shiver down your spine.

“Now, line up your shot. Take a deep breath,” he continued, his breath brushing against your ear as he spoke. “And when you're ready, squeeze the trigger gently.”

You followed his guidance, trying to ignore the tingling sensation his closeness caused. The gun felt more stable in your hands, and you took a deep breath, feeling Rick gently move back, giving you space. You slowly let the air out and squeezed the trigger as the man instructed.

The shot rang out, hitting the target dead center.

“There you go,” Rick praised, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. “You just needed a little adjustment.”

For a moment, you gazed at the shot can in silence, a brief worry crossing your mind that this one accurate gunshot might have shattered the delicate image, which you had been working on since the first days of Rick's group on the farm.

Lowering the revolver slowly, you mustered a happy smile, then turned to Rick with skillfully feigned excitement.

“I did it!” you exclaimed, watching the smile that appeared on the man's face.

“I knew you could do it,” he replied, nodding his head in appreciation. “Now try again, but without my help.”

As you prepared for your second attempt, determined to maintain the facade, a sudden noise echoed through the trees – a guttural growl followed by clumsy footsteps. Both you and Rick turned toward the disturbance, realizing it was not just the forest's regular sounds.

“Walkers,” Rick muttered, a sense of urgency in his voice.

You clutched the revolver tightly, and your true nature came out on your face as you stared seriously into the wall of trees from behind which the noise was coming. Rick, left with only a knife, looked around for a potential threat, stepping out in front of you and protecting you with his own body, even though you were the one holding the weapon that could help you.

“Stay close,” Rick instructed, the earlier playfulness fading from his tone.

The groans grew louder, and shadows emerged from the edges of the forest. Panic set in, and you knew that your delicate act wouldn't cut it in the face of real danger. With a deep breath, you took aim over Rick's shoulder at the approaching walkers. The gun bucked in your hands, and the bullet found its mark, hitting a walker square in the head.

Shock crossed Rick's face as the undead figure crumpled to the ground.

“Nice shot,” he said, stealing a quick glance at you. Yet, there wasn't time for praise. More walkers were coming, drawn by the noise.

In a blur of movement, you kept shooting, stepping closer to the horde of the dead, each shot finding its target flawlessly. The walkers fell one by one, halted in their tracks by your accurate shots.

As the chaos settled, you stood there, adrenaline still coursing through your veins, chest rising and falling with each heavy breath. Rick's eyes remained fixed on you, a blend of awe and confusion reflecting in his gaze. Lowering the revolver with a trembling hand, you avoided meeting his eyes. This unplanned revelation had caught you off guard; you hadn't intended to expose yourself so quickly.

The air hung thick with silence, the only disruption the faint rustle of leaves. Finally, Rick broke the quiet, his voice softer now, edged with a hint of curiosity. “You're not as innocent as you made everyone believe, are you? Is that why Hershel seemed surprised when I mentioned teaching you to shoot?”

Your hand trembled as you held out the revolver to Rick, choosing silence over words.

"We should head back," you suggested, your voice an attempt to diffuse the mounting tension. With a sidelong glance at Rick—allowing yourself just a moment of eye contact—you turned toward the car.

You didn't want to talk about what had just happened. You found yourself in the role of a liar, but wasn't that exactly what you were? Playing along, crafting an image to draw the protective care of an older man, the attention you'd been missing since the apocalypse broke out.

As you walked, you couldn't shake the growing sense of shame. How were you supposed to look into Rick's eyes now, knowing the truth had slipped through the cracks of your carefully constructed facade?

The car was a welcome sight, a haven of familiar metal and worn seats. You climbed in, the door shutting out the remnants of tension that clung to the air outside.

Rick joined you, the silence stretching between you two like an unspoken agreement. The engine roared to life, drowning out any attempt at conversation. The only sound that permeated the vehicle was the rhythmic hum of tires against the gravel.

As the landscape passed by in a blur, you stole another glance at Rick. His expression was unreadable, a mix of understanding and something else you couldn't quite pinpoint. The tension remained, settling into the fabric of the car like an unwelcome passenger.

Neither of you spoke and the truth lingered in the air, a silent companion on the journey back to the farm.

[brrbrina]

Just want to request prompt #16, maybe where the reader was super busy and tired and wasn’t able to do any of the chores. However Joe also had a long day but he wanted to do the chores for the reader to take off some stress from her. Something like that filled with fluff 😚❤️

warnings: none

You came home extremely tired from work, ever since you were tiny you dreamt of a flower shop. After you went away to college and came back you earned a little money you decided to open it, later on your journey you met Joe, he was there picking lilies for his mom on Mother´s day and he kept showing up every week until he ran out of excuses to give flowers for his mom

"You know I can physically see you thinking of something to say when you order these flowers right?" you said looking at him and you saw his eyes smile for the first time "Well, I love giving my mom flowers is that a bad thing?" "No it isn´t, that´s actually really sweet," you said on the other side of the counter "How can I help you today Joe?" you said smiling "Can I have your number? I would love to take you out on a date?" he said hopping you didn´t had a boyfriend -which you didn't- but to him it was impossible, you were gorgeous and the times you had talked you were as sweet as pie.

It´s safe to say you went on a date with him, and three years later you had your first and only child -until now - a little baby boy with the biggest blue eyes ever, he looked exactly like his dad you were crying tears of joy when you saw him for the first time.

Joe was an excellent father, boyfriend and above all he was an impeccable man, he loved spending his nights in and taking care of you and your little one, even though you didn´t plan on having a kid so soon, it happened and you were sure you were made to be his mom and he was made to be your son. And Joe loved it, he loved the fact that he could teach him the same things his dad reached him, but deep down he was born to be a girl dad, there wasn´t a single day where he didn't wonder about his life having a little girl

"We´ve talked about this before Joe, Jack is still so little and I´m focused on the flower shop, the off-season it´s the only time you are here 24/7 and I don´t blame you it´s your job but you have to understand that I have my dreams as well" you said putting the dishwasher on, as much as you loved being a mom, it wasn´t in your plans soon, "I have told you a hundred times I make enough money for us, you can stay here and watch our children, and, " Joe said but you stopped him, it was getting in your nerves he couldn´t take a no for an answer "This isn´t about me needing your money, you had a dream when you were a kid and you worked hard for it, you got it, and you´re living your dream, this is about me and what I need to do because I owe myself this, and I´m not ready to be a mom again, the last pregnancy was on the season and I hated being alone, I can do this again, you said walking out of the kitchen going upstairs to take a shower, you had been working all day and the last thing you wanted was to take out your anger on him.

When you came out of the shower and made your way to your bed you saw that Joe wasn´t there, he knew he had done wrong so he gave you space, and as much as you would love for him to come back to you you saw him sleeping with Jack on his bed, the bed was so tiny and Joe was so big it made you giggle.

The next morning he left for practice and he dropped Jack off at school, it was a weird feeling because you didn´t want him near you, you just wanted to be alone, you loved your kid, but being a mom can be an exhausting job.

A few hours had passed and the doorbell on the flower shop was ranged "Can I get a big bouquet of peonies?" he was standing there, with your favorite matcha latte and his sorry eyes, "Sure, do you want to write a note?" you said not making eye contact with him "Yes I want to write I´m sorry, I´m the world´s worst boyfriend please" he said trying to make you look at him, "Joe" you said but he interrupted "I´m sorry, I know I went too far, this is your dream and you´re pretty good at it, to be honest" and you punched him on the arm as he laughed "C´mon let´s go pick up Jack" you said telling the girls on the flower shop you were leaving, you rarely did this but there wasn´t any jobe due that day and you needed your family.

Later that day you were on the couch watching Cars with Jack and while you were falling asleep you heard Joe whisper "I forgot to add in the note that you´re the hottest MILF ever" he said kissing your ear but you decided to just close your eyes and go to sleep.

a/n: I know this isn´t exactly what you asked for but i got carried away writing this one and tbh i´m falling asleep writing this lol BUT I loved writing this, hopefully, i´ll get out of my writers block and give you the last chapter of fwd series :)

[thr-333]

In other news- because tbh this other au holds more meaning in my heart (just cuz of how I relate to Donnie the most out of all of the aus), I genuinely am craving for angst with hurt/comfort for Leo Jr au.

sooo time for THOUGHTS I really am longing for moments with Leo Jr and Donnie, because...hnk- Donnie actually receiving comfort, care, patient understanding and acceptance instead of being told to suck it up or being ridiculed/treated like a ticking time bomb???? Means the world to me????? Idk- I guess my soul just aches for this version of Donnie who didn't get that safe space Leonardo's Donnie did. (i get the au is mainly Leo-centric, but for some reason this version of Don-tron ya created has somehow wormed his way into my heart and he is truly my favorite iteration in terms of aus???)

When I tell you that I felt my heart break over the silly comic where Leonardo says that Leo Jr and Casey Jr are twins, solely due to what that implies to the overall story. In a sense, Leo Jr gets to have variations of the life he would have if he hadn't been kidnapped (by all technicalities Leo Jr IS a victim of kidnapping no matter how wholesome it turned out to be). He gets to know the joys of having a twin, of being able to goof around and laugh, being understood/accepted, being able to make friends and be a kid! Meanwhile...Donnie (the one who was MEANT to have Leo as his twin) didn't get any of that. It hit hard that, even if it wasn't intentional by any means, Don was "easily replaced." (which idk if it's intentional or not, but that seems to be a reoccurring theme for the spiny softshell in this au). He'll never really have that close knit bond, not know what it's like, even if Leo Jr and him do grow close during their teenage years. Because in this reality, the "Disaster Twins" exist, Donnie's just not apart of it. Which is just another way that shows how much of a stranger the kid is to everyone who is supposed to be his family; his father, two brothers, and even the one who was at one point meant to be his twin.

That thought is sorta what led me down the rabbit hole of Leo Jr AU! Don brainrot. The kid's reality is one of neglect, extreme isolation, fear and...probably a deep well of self-hatred, loneliness, non existent self-worth, etc. (we saw how he struggled with in Rise Canon, so i can only imagine it is so much worse in this au). I can only imagine that this also impacts his ninpo and mystics later on, which probably is going to make his self-esteem take a nosedive.

Ngl if Leonardo's twin (who I'm gonna call Tello) is actually watching over his past self, it makes me wonder what he's thinking. His pov would be intriguing consider he'd be witnessing how much pain his twin's actions caused. Idk- I just- when I look at everything from this particular au, it makes me hope that Donnie is allowed to feel his big feelings without people trying to rush him. He should be allowed to be terrified, hurt, angry, etc towards Splinter and Leonardo. Neither of them deserve his forgiveness, because shit- both of them fucked up big time. They both caused complex trauma...and like- really need to face consequences. (apart of me sorta hopes Donnie DOESN'T forgive them) dakjsfsadfas sorry for rambling, not sure if any of that made sense, but I just- I have so many feelings about Donnie in the Leo Jr au, and really want to see more of him!

The sewers were a gross place to live if you asked Junior but Splinter refused to move to the hidden city. Luckily he had his portals meaning he could step into the already cleaned portion they called a home.

“Leo!” Mikey was the first to notice him. Dropping the plates on the table he was setting them vaulting over it, “You came!”

“It’s still Junior,” He reminded for the umpteenth time, “And yeah I said I would,”

Mikey collided into him for a hug. Junior gave a small wave to Raph- or Red, probably Red as the snapper wasn’t meeting his eyes while trying to hide his scowl. Splinter was setting the table in Mikeys stead, making wayyy too much eye contact as he kept staring at Junior. He was placing the plates down carelessly. The one in front of Donnie was placed down with a crack, only Junior caught his flinch.

“Great, he’s here, I saw him,” Donnie pushed away from the table in a frenzied movement, “Can I please leave now,”

“Purple your brother is here, that is more important than some computer,” Splinter snapped. No one took note of the way both Donnie and Junior cringed. 

“Nah he’s just tryna get out of showing me his lab since he promised last time,” Junior stepped forward and away from Mikey.

“I did no such thing,” Donnie scowled at him as Junior came around to his side,

“No use backing out now Dee,” Junior grinned, shuffling towards Donnie so the softshell backed away. Kind of like herding a very liable to bite sheep, “I’m expecting the grand tour, don't wait up everyone! “

But dinner…” Junior pretended he didn’t hear Mikey as he walked Donnie towards his room office lab space.

It was empty, with sections obviously organized out to put things there but with not enough actual stuff to do it. Donnie held himself like a tightly drawn string as they walked in. Not looking at Junior as the red slider circled around to the other's bed.

“What did you want to see?” Donnie asked tiredly as Junior came up behind him, “Most of my stuff is at the old place, or the other old place, or-”

Donnie was cut off by the blanket being draped over his head like a tablecloth.

“Nothing much,” Junior shrugged stepping away as Donnie went very still under the blanket, “Just had to get out of there, think I might sit quietly against a wall for the next half hour, not say anything, not do anything, you know how it is,”

Junior slid down the wall. He would have to go back eventually, or the others would break down the door and pull them both back to dinner. He estimated he had about thirty six minutes before that happened and that he could convince them to leave Donnie be. He’d say he asked if the softshell could make something for him. Something big so Donnie would have an excuse to disappear for the next week or so. They tended not to bother the other turtle as much if they thought he was doing stuff for the yokai.

The blanket shuffled, bunching up on the ground as Donnie sat near him. Only just within arms reach. He was covered head to toe, curled up and completely silent. Junior occupied himself trying to come up with a believable project. Maybe a new mask? That way he could wear his old one and the others would never know, it’s not like Splinter ever let them follow Junior to the battle nexus.

The blanket shifted but Donnie didn’t emerge. A hand poked out the bottom, listing up the cloth and bunching it up while still keeping the soft shell hidden. Junior reached his hand out halfway. Donnie couldn't see it but paused when his searching hand brushed up against it. Junior kept still, waiting, not minding one way or the other.

Donnie held his fingers, squeezing lightly. Junior squeezed back, not taking Donnie’s whole hand but meeting him where he was. It was pleasant, it was quiet. The noise from the others blocked off. A little bubble away from everything where they could just be. 

Junior thought growing up in the sewers may have not been all bad… if he got to do it with Donnie.

[thewritersaddictions]

(R) Drabble: Yandere Elijah Mikealson- The Gentleman

The first time Elijah had seen you it was like magic. In the oddest of senses, he wasn't a fan of witches. Having a sister for one was a great source of help when finding Klaus.

Only when he saw you did he realize he didn't need to find anyone or anything else in his long life anymore. He had only come back to find his brother. That was the only goal when he first arrived in New Orleans. Finding your beautiful face and charming attitude wasn't at all.

He would have still gravitated towards you if he had not noticed the way you floated around the streets. He could hear your heart pumping as he followed behind, not close, but far in your crowd of tourists.

"Do you need anything, sir?" You asked him. Your voice was sweet as honey, and it made Elijah think of everything he could do to hear it again. "Oh, darlin' I was just following along with your voice.

Elijah had always been a flirt and had always had a way with words. Been able to make people see the right way with words unlike his younger half-brother Klaus.

Y/n was never sure how she ended up being the only thing that Elijah saw, but she had and she lived in glory. Elijah spoiled the shit out of them. "Babydoll, what do you want today?" He'd ask them as they floated around the streets.

He had rules of course. Rules that kept you safe 'These rules aren't here to hinder what you do on a daily basic love. Just here to protect you when I'm not here, yes." You shake your head like a little child being told a story.

They were rules that were not hard to follow, but anyone else that wasn't in your dynamic might think that your boyfriend was being a little controlling.

Rule #1 Stay at my side whenever we go out. If you want to do something you ask and we can go.

Rule #2 You get good sleep, and you eat well. I don't need my baby getting sick or feeling bad because you aren't taking care of themselves

Rule #3 When someone touches or hurts you in any way, you tell me immediately. No need to keep secrets from me.

You always floated around with the rules in your head. You never found them to be controlling. You just always thought that Elijah was being protective and supportive of you in every single way.

Elijah had fallen in love with you that day he saw you in the streets of New Orleans. He hadn't just fallen in love with the idea of loving you. Elijah had fallen in love with you, and he had taken you in his heart and loved you with everything he had. Made you his in so many ways.

That was all before you had said a single word to him.

Elijah loved to give you gifts. It was one of his ways of showing his love. Whatever his darling wanted they got. Whatever you needed you got. If you loved reading and books he has a whole room built for you to read and sit in a cozy space. If you loved cooking then the kitchen was turned around on a dime to make the space perfect and usable in every sense.

Covering your eyes he'd walk behind you slowly and closer to your destination you'd get. "Elijah, where are you taking me?" You ask, voice a little nervous and timid as always. It drove Elijah crazy how you were his all of the time. "Just a little gift I had made for you darling." Elijah would say simply.

He'd take you to the space, and uncover your eyes. You stand there in shock. Turning to look at your handsome boyfriend. "Elijah you didn't… you are amazing… I love you so much." Hugging and kissing him all over the place. Elijah basked in the joy of your kisses and appreciation. He loved that you depended on him so much.

There was something else that Elijah loved even more than giving you gifts. He loved making you cum, he loved seeing your face control as he gave you the best pleasure of your life. Elijah loved the feeling of you grasping harder and tighter around him, as you dig your blunt nails into his back. He loved that you always left marks on him because he did the same thing to you.

"Fuck Elijah!"… "God Elijah you're… fuck you're so good to me." You'd mumble as he gave you everything that you asked for. Sheets damp and sticking to both of you. "Oh sweet thing, you're the best thing in my life. I love you so much" Sweet nothings whispered between the two of you.

And after, he grabs you a glass of water. Lay down with you on his chest as he combed through your hair with ease. He'd listen to your calming breathing before you fall asleep on top of his chest.

That was his favorite thing. Knowing and feeling that you were right there. Safe in his arms and he'd never let you go not for anyone not even for him half brother.

Completed on: 04/09/23

Posted on: 04/15/23

The Originals-

[tiny-sassy-aggressive]

After watching We’re All Doomed, the comedy show by Daniel Howell, I need to take moment to write out how that show made me take a step back in my own life and evaluate progress and positive growth in my life as I realized that his timelines/feelings could be foiled in a meaningful way to my life. I was particularly inspired to write this while watching the scenes on the screen of the moments of joy people were experiencing. I swear I had chills and I started to tear up. As he spoke about not only embracing the void, but finding the courage to exist, but not just exist, but to live and find those moments of joy, I was reminded about how that moment in searching for why life was worth living was how I came (back) to Catholicism. I don’t intend this post to encourage others to or away from the Church. I simply was inspired by Dan to share how I got to a place of accepting that life is worth living and how I hope to move forward.

I want to first tw cancer, death, feelings of not wanting to exist, and mentions of suicide. Nothing is explicitly discussed in great detail but only mentioned. I have never written out my story before, barely talk about it even to this day. Tried therapy a few times but it wasn’t for me, but that’s neither here nor there. This is a safe space for me to share something I just wouldn’t with family and friends. Though, I must apologize in advance, like Dan, I talk/write way too much so this will be a very long post.

Thank you to all those who take the time to read my random story and I hope to hear from others how Dan’s story and/or show have affected you so we can share in those feelings as a community.

I am chronically depressed and anxious. Always have been as it runs in the family. However, the problem was my parents, or really, I should just say my mom because my dad was never around in an emotional capacity that mattered, didn’t necessarily believe in mental health. Sure they knew depression and anxiety were real, but those were just emotions people felt and there wasn’t anything to do but continue on and try your best to keep going no matter what. It’ll be fine, just keep moving and working, right? Well when I was 12/13 I was getting bullied really badly. It got to the point where I was having panic attacks before going to school, crying at night, constantly feeling nauseous, and worst of all, I would refuse to leave my moms side, so school got to be pretty difficult. My mom was fully aware of what was going on so she went in immediately and got the bullying handled (as much as she could, middle schoolers are brutal. It never really went away but it was less of a nuisance) but she did not understand why I still felt ill and didn’t want to leave her side. She found me a therapist and I went twice. I knew we had financial struggles and I started to feel better so I stopped going. I was still sad and scared but those were normal feelings, right? I could go to school and play my flute, talk to friends, and sure I was writing songs about being trapped in a cage and having no one hear my screams but I was just an edgy teen, I wasn’t depressed. That’s just me being me. No mental illness here! I’m fine. Spoiler alert- I was not fine and it was only going to get worse.

When I was 14 I found Dan and Phil! I was a huge o2l fan so I followed Connor Franta and he posted Internet Trivia with Dan and Phil and I absolutely fell in love with them and fell down the rabbit hole of their channels and the gaming channel. I loved them both but I definitely had a bias towards Dan because he wore all black and was edgy. Watching Existential Crisis for the first time gave me a phrase to the weird feelings I had. Both affirmed and disproved the fact I was mentally ill but I still didn’t have the words for it so I just thought I was mentally different from other people. Watching that video back with all the context of 2024 and 2024 Dan, that video covered an extraordinarily heavy topic but he never mentioned the word depression or mentally ill because, at that point, why would he? Since he was the only person who voiced those feelings that I also shared, I took them to heart, but I could only take those words to heart as I had no reference to infer what else all that meant. So I kept all my feelings to myself. After all, this guy said he had all these big feelings but was fine. Call me naïve, I was 14, so I believed I could be okay and still feel existential. It was normalized, plus nothing else in my life was being affected, I was doing well in school, I had friends, I had hobbies, I was fine. How could I complain?

A few months after the start my freshmen year of high school, my older brother was diagnosed with leukemia and everything changed. He was sick and had to stay in the hospital for months, one of my parents would always be at the hospital, and me and my little brother would visit on the weekends when we could. My mom really stressed the importance of keeping a normal schedule so we did. School, extracurriculars, piano, just keep moving and everything will be alright. I didn’t cry, I couldn’t cry. I had to remain okay, fine, an unbreakable force because I couldn’t have anyone worrying about me because we all had to worry about my brother. Which we did! I never wanted to be a burden or not okay because I wanted all attention and time focused on his wellbeing. I don’t remember talking to anyone about anything emotional. Sure as hell not my parents. Not my brothers. Not even my friends. So I watched videos and removed myself and all emotions from my being so I didn’t have to think or be.

When he was first diagnosed I felt lost and confused. So I did the one thing my private, catholic school taught me to do. I found God and prayed. Except, I can say certainly looking back, it was not a meaningful relationship I created. It was one forged in fear, confusion, and a misunderstanding of how to pray. Ironically, for a catholic school, they didn’t know how to teach someone to come to God, they just expected you to understand, but that’s beside the point and a different conversation. But that’s what I did! I prayed, every morning and night, Lord, Please heal my brother. Please. Tried devotionals I didn’t get, muttered words I didnt understand, and played the part. I watched everyone else around me do it so I did it too, to the point where I believed I needed to be perfect or else my prayers would fail, which, I cannot express enough, was not the appropriate mentality, but that’s what I thought was necessary.

About 7 months later, my brother was in remission and he came home! He was okay! We got through the summer, he came back to school, we were in band and choir together again. It was fun!! We were all okay again. The dark spots in my head were still there but they were probably just left over from how scary last year was. How could I not be happy with my brother back home and alright again. At this point, my prayers were answered so I slowed down my prayers. I was okay so I felt as if I did not need my relationship with God as intensely anymore because I felt fine. Plus, when I was sad or scared those were just normal reactions that were not taking over my life so why dwell on them.

In 2017, Dan released Daniel and Depression. And I don’t exactly remember my reaction. But at that point in my life, I remember coming around to the idea that maybe I was not as mentally sound as I thought. But even listening to what he had to say, I was still convinced I was not depressed, I was just traumatized from what had happened to my brother and to my family. I had spent that time living through hell and I never stopped, I did not lay in bed wallowing, I didn’t not brush my teeth or not take care of myself. I was a high functioning nearly straight a student through and through. I was not depressed.

I don’t know why that was such a dirty word for me. Or maybe it wasn’t a dirty word, but it was something I didn’t want associated with myself. My school didn’t believe in mental health because all you had to do was pray and “you can’t be depressed and be with God” - Which by the way is completely inaccurate and harmful for young people to grow up learning. On the other hand, my parents lived in a hospital with my sick brother for months, I shouldn’t be depressed or talk about the weird sadness I was experiencing after everything they went through. It’d be selfish of me to not be alright.

Two months after Dan posted his depression video, my brother got sick again, the cancer came back. I prayed fervently once again. Knowing it worked once it could work again. Every morning and every night in the depths of my dark room where no one could see or hear because everyone else in my family was not religious or was too angry at God to believe. I put it on myself to pray and to be good so he can be healed again. But I failed. He died 4 months later on my 17th birthday. Years later, a therapist would tell me that happened because he didn’t want me to forget about him, well jokes on the therapist I was never going to forget anyway. I failed, it was my fault he died. If I prayed more, if I was a better person, if I just focused I could have saved him. But I wasn’t enough, I was not good enough to save him. This wasn’t true, of course, nor how religion/prayer works. But I didn’t know what else to do or think. So I blamed myself. I wasn’t even there when he died. My parents told my little brother and I that he wasn’t ever coming home and a few days later, on my birthday, we went to school and when my dad picked us up from school he drove us home and my mom was sitting there and that’s when I knew. My little brother was so cute, he later admitted he just thought my mom had come home to see me for my birthday but I knew immediately. I still don’t know how my dad just picked us up that day and didn’t say anything.

A part of me died that day. How could it not have? It was a strange night. We cried. I ate a pre-bought cupcake. My brother went to lacrosse practice and the next day we both went to school. Because that’s just what we did. We just kept going. Let me tell you, you’ll get the strangest looks from people when they see you at school after they just heard over the loud speaker that your brother had died the previous day. Because really, what were we doing there? We were the highest functioning traumatized students you had ever seen. I was only 2 minutes late to my first class of the day, math. I went to the chapel in the school with my really close friend to cry and listen to adoration music and just wonder why, why, why? 2 minutes wasn’t too bad, the teacher was surprised to see me and I failed the math quiz we had. She was nice, she offered to not have me take it, but I was already there and it was math quiz time so I took the quiz. She let me redo it too. She was nice, I needed it. It felt normal so I felt fine.

And that was all the rest of the 2018 school year was. Fine. Went to class, studied, did my extracurriculars, performed in all the shows, hell, I even went to prom with said super close friend from earlier. It was obvious I was traumatized and sad but how could I not be? But I was doing everything a normal student would be doing so what was the problem?

The problem was I felt alone, hell, I was alone. My family was broken, shattered into a million a pieces. My dad was distant, my mom cried, my bothers and I weren’t talking in any meaningful way. I talked to one person, the guy who held me in the chapel the day after my brother died and who took me to prom. I loved him, we loved each other. He was the only person who I felt actually saw me. I always had some barriers up but I felt free with him and I know he just wanted me to be okay even in the midst of tragedy. We were friendly for 2 years but we got close right before my brother was diagnosed again. Those months meant so much to me and I thought we would always be close. But 1 month after my brother died. He told me he did not want to continue our relationship or friendship. He said I was too much to handle or had too much going on. In all honesty, I don’t remember his exact words because I most definitely mentally blacked out. And he broke what little part of me was left.

(About 2 1/2 years later he ended up calling me and after not really speaking to him at all since that moment, I picked up, more out of curiosity then trying to rekindle anything. He told me that, unbeknownst to me back in 2018, he went to our Moral Theology teacher (yes- private catholic school) to ask for advice because he saw how much pain I was in and he did not know how to help me. Instead of this teacher, a literal adult, going to our schools counselor, my mother, or even me and addressing this 17 year old boys concerns about ME, he told him that he should just give me space because of the mental weight of the tragedy I was living through. His advice to this boy was to essentially isolate me. Looking back, I do feel bad for this boy. He tried so hard to do the right thing for me but didn’t have the right directions. And on the other hand I am so mad at the teacher because that was the worst advice he could have ever given ever. Thanks! Real talk though, I loved that boy and he always meant the world to me. We didn’t keep in touch afterward that 2020 conversation but I kept tabs on him through mutual friends and he always listened to my music on Spotify. He went through a tough time and he committed suicide in 2022. I really do miss him and wish things were different for all aspects of his story, my story, and what might have been our story. It felt wrong to exclude his memory in this post because he truly played such a crucial role and he meant so much to me even years later)

Back to 2018, after he abandoned me. I was completely and utterly alone. And now, I feared opening up at all to anyone because I didn’t want to be perceived as the burden I truly was. So I swallowed every once of trauma, depression, and anxiety so I was perceived as a functioning, fine, human being who didn’t need anyone to worry about her. I didn’t want anyone to worry or care for me because they thought I was fragile or broken because I now had proof that I would become too much to handle and that anyone would just leave me just as he had. And that was it. I smiled, I laughed, I spent the next year completing every senior year milestone and graduated high school. And I didn’t feel one emotion. I was fine.

Summer 2019 was when things started to shift a bit and here’s where I think the foiling begins. For one, Dan had just released Basically, I’m Gay and he started to live his truth being out of the closet. I truly don’t want to nor feel like I can comment anymore on this topic because that was his own personal journey and I don’t want to speculate on anything he said. He did so quite clearly and explicitly. But the point I am making was that in the middle of 2019, he began living his truth. This one thing he didn’t talk about that is so quintessential to his character was now a public part of him and he got to experience that joy of being out. There was a shift in his character, anyone who watched his video could tell, he was happy, he seemed excited. He went to pride, did promotional videos, and he just seemed like he was living in a brighter light. It was beautiful to watch and I’m grateful he let us share in those moments of joy with him.

Before I get too deep into this section, I want to preface and state that I do not remember large chunks of time between 2018-2021. All the trauma and depression have made me forget nearly everything, and it’s a very weird sensation to have little to no memories of 3/4 years of time. I can recall general feelings and most memories I can see are from a third person pov so I can see what was happening, but I see it happening to me, not me actually experiencing the memory.

For me, summer 2019 meant leaving for college. Now, in hindsight, I made a major error. I was going to the same college my brother had been at before he died. I don’t know what I was thinking or why I thought it was a good idea but the school gave me money so I would have been a fool to take on more student loans than necessary, plus, I knew I wanted to transfer the next year and move half way across the country so I had an end goal in sight, just had to get through the year.

I also started to go to church again. There was a cute little church about a half mile down from my school so it was an easy walk. I don’t consider this change/new addition a mistake, but I do often wonder what was I thinking exactly. I don’t recall my exact process but remember two dueling trains of thought. For one, I still 100% felt weird about religion/God because I blamed myself for my brother dying because I wasn’t praying enough and wasn’t good enough to save him. But on the other hand, I did not feel right to never enter a church again and a part of me wanted to return because it felt like the right thing to do. I spent my entire formative years at a private catholic school. I knew all the prayers, scripture, the saints (I was confirmed taking St. Rose Philippine Duchesne), and my senior year religion class was dedicated to teaching us how to explain/teach the faith to non-believers. And I believed in all of it! I had faith, so how could I not be going to church. Call it guilt, or whatever you want to call it, but I couldn’t turn my back on the church after everything I had learned so I went back. It was the truth I believed in and the truth I wanted to live by. I told myself that eventually I would just feel better, I’d continue to pray to heal and keep going through the motions until it stuck. At this point, I had fully embraced the void I was living in. I accepted that I was depressed, I accepted that I was depressed long before the trauma began so I was battling undiagnosed depression alongside the after effects of the trauma, and I accepted that I am an incredibly anxious person. That was alot for an 18 year old to take in but I finally accepted what my truth was. I admit it and that’s the first step right? I know I am mentally ill so I started some therapy, and I continued going to church and praying because every thing I read and was told said those were the best things I could do to help myself. So things could only get better from here, right?

Not necessarily. The end of 2019 flew by and before we knew it we were in the throes of a global pandemic. Within 3 months in 2020, my parents divorced (finally), my grandmother died from the same cancer that my brother had which was sick was twisted if you ask me, and my mom, little brother, and I moved half way across the country. Oh and I transferred colleges in all that too. Besides every single bad thing we experienced, moving was supposed to be our new start. A new place, new schools, new adventures. No longer living in the state with every bad memory we had or the house we essentially grew up in. It was new and fresh, almost the perfect situation to start a mental health journey in, besides the recent trauma I still don’t think I have processed fully and a global pandemic. I just thought I would be getting better.

I remember the part of We’re All Doomed when Dan mentioned 2019 being so important because he started to live his truth and I felt so similarly. I thought once I accepted what was going on in my head I’d feel better. But then 2019-2021 for both of us seemed to be one of our worse times mentally, which is oddly terrifying because of the emphasis that was present on wanting to feel improved.

Between 2019-2021, I struggled with the concept of existing. I did not understand why I was here and others weren’t, what I was meant to do, and why I was meant to do it. I didn’t want to exist. I simply didn’t have the energy. I couldn’t conjure up emotions, nothing real anyway. I just felt nothing. I never felt suicidal, never did anything to harm myself, never wanted to. I knew and continue to know that I never wanted to die. I really just wanted to feel quiet, numb, not of the earth and those are very scary feelings. I could barely put them into words for when I talked to my therapist but I tried, but all she could tell me was to find distractions for myself. Distract, distract, distract, well that’s all I’ve been doing and I don’t feel better. I listened to music, wrote music, talked to my mom, pray, do my class work, scroll through social media, but what then? When alls said and done, the music is off, the conversation is over, the work done, the phone turned off, I was left with myself and I didn’t even recognize her. My mom said she saw a light in my eyes she hasn’t seen in a while but I had no idea what she was talking about. Whatever was on the outside wasn’t being transferred to the inside because I didn’t even know who was staring back at me in the mirror. I just knew she didn’t want to be here anymore. So what now?

When Dan showed us the calendar with the little emoji emotions over the days of the month, I swear my heart stopped for a moment because it reminded me of what I started doing for myself during that same time period, that very same year he was referring to in the show. I had downloaded this app, Hallow, it’s a catholic prayer app. Scripture, guided prayers, saints stories, the whole nine yards. I liked the little guided prayers. Helped me focus I guess. And every night I’d ask for the same thing. To feel better. To be healed. It also had a little section where you could track your mood for the day so I started doing that everyday. I wasn’t thinking too hard about it I just hit the emoji I felt and moved on. Until I started noticing a pattern of hitting, sad, anxious, worried, or unsure. Soon enough I had months upon months, just days filled with those same emojis. When I actually took a step back, just like Dan did, to stare at how my months were covered in little sad emojis it broke me more than I thought it ever could. Was this all that was left for me? Days that left me feeling dejected and dark? Why wasn’t anything I was doing enough to make me feel better, to make me feel something for my life, for this world around me. Every night pleading the same questions to God, why, why, why? Just begging to be healed.

One day in 2021, I felt hopeless, I was tired, drained, and I truly did not know what to do. I just wanted to feel. So I stopped begging God to fix me and I started talking instead. And I talked and talked about everything and nothing all at once. I told Him about my day and what had happened. I told Him about the little anecdotes, my classes, the walk I went on. I told Him what I felt during the day, the big feelings and the little feelings. As I recounted my day and all the little details, I know it sounds ridiculous, but I felt lighter. For the first time in a long time, I was not focused on the big scary black hole of my mind, the void, I spent time talking about what my day had looked like and what I knew was on my schedule for tomorrow. It grounded me. And it was just that. I wasn’t focused on the void, I was focused on the living I was doing despite the void and there was something beautiful about that realization I have never been able to put into words until I watched Dan’s show. God was not not healing me because I did not deserve it or because I was so helpless, for it was only when I was at my lowest that I let myself let go and speak freely outside the confines of asking for the same thing over and over again without changing my mindset. It was only through those open ended conversations that I found and was confronted with the events of my life, no matter how big or small. The void, my depression, my traumas, whatever I want to call them, they are always going to exist, they are a part of my and I can’t change anything about that. But my life, my 24 hours a day, that time will pass regardless of if I choose to dwell on the darkness or not, so might as well spend my time enjoying the light that clearly exists as well. So that is what I started to do.

It is a choice that I have to make each day when I wake up. To decide to be an active participant in my life rather than a passive bystander. But like all things, it’s an attitude that can be learned, adapted, and over time it did not feel like a chore to make that choice, but a pleasure. For once, I started to look forward to the future and excited for what I could do. I found a church where I could attend mass so I would stop sitting in my room and watching online, I started to push myself to make plans outside my comfort zone and learned to not just like my own company, but enjoy the silence of being alone. The one project I am particularly proud of is my second Instagram account dedicated to romanticizing my life. Everyday, for now nearly 2 1/2 years, I have posted a photo on that account of the places I’ve been, clothes I’ve worn, and experiences I have been on. It’s my own personal photo diary proving that I have been living and that I will be continuing to live.

Photos and daily reflection have been the cornerstone of my improvement which was why that segment of Dan’s show impacted me so greatly. Each small clip he shared was probably only a second or so long but each moment held such great joy and emotions that could not be contained. It was and will continue to be a reminder that there will always be moments of joy and moments of happiness that will exist even in the face of adversity, we just have to work to see them, and choose to accept them as our own. Some days can certainly be harder than others, but after years of feeling nothing but the heavy weight of despair, even just the memories of joy are enough to encourage me to move forward. I’m alive for a reason and I believe and trust in God’s plan for me, so I choose and, now, feel empowered to continue on.

Dan was right when he said that we are all doomed. And there is this void in my life that I have learned to embrace and not just ignore. But this life was not meant to be survived, but to be lived. And I, now, have the courage to choose to live everyday.

Thank you to @danielhowell for sharing a part of yourself with the world. For creating a show that encourages us to acknowledge every part of our lives, the good, the bad, the ugly, and to show the importance of embracing every aspect of our lives while we continue our journey. Thank you for encouraging me to share my story and my journey through mental health. I have never shared my story like this before and it has been an unbelievably cathartic experience and I feel renewed in my promise to continue to choose to live.

Thank you🖤

[kidgillis]

My heart is falling off of my sleeve. I'm barely holding on by a thred. If this piece gets snagged, there's no way for me to come back from it. You want to know how I got here? Well, I've given all that I had. Which was way more than enough for me, so I shared it all. I was just trying to do for others what I wish others had done for me. It's not hard to show up and be present, share time while engaged in harmless fun, share thoughts and emotions, get to know one another. I just wanted to give others the love I've always wanted and a safe space to call home, even if visiting this heart of mine was merely for a second. But, every encounter changed me. Some understood and reciprocated the gesture. They took what they needed and in return gave what they thought was wanted. We spent hours engaged - building a friendly foundation and gaining another member of our tribe. We cried tears of joy when it was over and embraced as we let go to say goodbye. It was a time I'll never forget. Pieces of me, wandering the world. We're connected by a string. However, others came to see what was occuring and took whatever they deemed valuable. With no care for anyone else they continued without a care about how much it cost or the impact each lost made. Every attempt to correct their behavior fell on deaf ears and only left me closed off as they snipped away at the bonds we almost made. Distant, they were. Cold, to some degree. Mean and nasty, the presented. They needed love, threaded I tried to help them. Yet, they cut me off and threatened me violence. So, I retreated back to myself. Shutting out everyone in my midst. They had emptied me, entirely. I had nothing left to give. I sat alone and dwelt. Pondered every moment that led to those unfair trades. Maybe, they just needed more than others. Maybe, they didn't know any better. Maybe, I didn't explain things clearly. Maybe, just maybe...they didn't care. Maybe, they never did. My mind processed the thoughts. My heart tried to stomach the feelings. My body shook enraged. My spirit cried out for safety. These moments alone in my head, left me desolate amongst the living. Trying to regain my balance and strength while rebuilding my trust for myself and other humans. "Never again" i vowed. But, let's be honest, it's possible it will occur again because a person with a big heart is always the world's target just as much as they are the world's friend. So, I'm barely hanging on by a thred. My heart is unraveling for my sleeve. However, this is still my favorite t-shirt and this moment is still worth living to me. However, if you see these strings simply blowing in the wind. Please, don't pull them, just let them be. This heart of mine isn't prepared to let go, so...I'll just let it be. I'll love who can recieve it and praying for those who shun others and become distant. I'll be me, regardless. Making connections through heart strings bonded through friendships.

[itzynabi]

eve being a mother of five

an: i'm not sure how much i like this but pls enjoy! feedback and reblogs are much appreciated

eve's masterlist // fanmade videos

clip one: 190519 airport

whilst some journalists are expected when the girls go to the airport, they didn't expect to be mobbed

eve could tell that yeji was uncomfortable so she stood between the journalists and her

eve, to the journalists: please back up so the members can have space to walk

some of the journalists moved back and made space so they could walk comfortably

in one of the videos captured by the media eve turned back to yeji

"are you okay, jiji? 🥺"

clip two: 190502 solo vlive

comment: you carry a big bag to music shows, what's in it?

eve: that bag is full of stuff for the members. it has blankets, jackets, books, a few makeup products, toys… basically anything to keep them entertained and that they might need

this was one of the first times midzy's got to see a glimpse of mother eve

she def went viral

clip three: yuna's graduation vlog

yuna: eve unnie made breakfast for me today. it was a special breakfast. and she gave me a congratulations card and gifts for graduating and money and said i just go out with my friends

eve is a rich girl its true

yuna: she said that she'll start helping me with learning how to drive

eve also posted on bubble about yuna's graduation and had everyone in tears 😭😭

clip four: 220516 vlive

ryubi vlive everybody cheer

they were just talking about any and everything

during the live, somebody had been calling ryujin's phone but she kept declining it

ryujin: oh my gosh, seriously!

eve: what?

ryujin showed her the phone and eve rolled her eyes

she took that phone, cleared her throat and then

eve: if you're the one that keeps calling ryujin, then stop. she doesn't want to marry you, stop being delusional

best believe she got in trouble for that

and had to issue a half-assed apology

but midzy's (and every sane kpop stan) applauded her for helping her member

safe to say the person didn't call again

clip five: 220625 solo vlive

eve: i got a car earlier this year and i'm very excited about that

comment: have you gone anywhere?

eve: i've gone to visit my parents and i let them drive it wherever they wanted, same with kibum ahjussi and i've taken the members lots of places. whenever they want to anywhere, i get to take them so i'm very happy about that

BONUS

clip: paris et itzy ep 1

they went on the boat and eve got seasick

yeji: *holding eve's hand* do you feel okay?

eve, who looks five seconds away from throwing up: i'm great! 🤠

yuna: here's water, unnie

eve smiled at her and took the water

ryujin: if you make that face, the editors won't be able to use this footage

chaeryeong: maybe try looking at the sky

the way they were trying to comfort eve and distract her from her discomfort 🥺

lia: that cloud looks like a poop!

cue the members finding shapes in the clouds

clip: weekly idol ep 450

lia: eve unnie doesn't cry easily or often

kwanghee: really?

lia: yeah. i haven't seen her cry that many times – only four times i think – but whenever i do, my heart always hurts

eunhyuk: why?

lia: i just end up thinking "how much pain is she in that she's crying?"

eunhyuk: what about tears of joy?

eve: i don't really get those. sometimes i cry when feeling an emotion, other times i can't, even if i'm feeling that same emotion

yeji: i remember one time as trainees as we were gearing up for debut–

kwanghee: before debut

yeji: –eve unnie cried bcs she was feeling stressed and overwhelmed and i didn't know what to do because i had never seen her cry and when i told lia this, she started crying because she was worried about how stressed unnie must have been

kwanghee: wow! you guys really care for each other

lia, tearing up: of course, she's our member

ryujin: now lia unnie is crying! 😯

eve hugged lia and kissed her head

eve: it's okay, juj

lia: i want unnie to be okay 🥺

eve: i'll always be okay because i have the members

eunhyuk: wahhh. you guys really care for each other

kwanghee, passing lia a tissue: they have a really strong bond

ryujin: it's our teams driving force

©️ kim nabi

[x-itzzzzzz-x]

heartstopper means so much to me for so many reasons that i struggle to convey.

For one , it’s so inspiring and hopeful to see such a positive and unabashedly proud display of different queer identities and experiences. The way it shows the positives and negatives for different people and the difference in journeys that people go on ? it makes me so emotional and joyful to have that represented and to be able to resonate with so many characters simultaneously. From Charlie and Nicks almost “classic” love story to the experience of queer love later in life with the teachers, Elles experiences in her gender and just so much more rlly being me such joy to see, it’s so important to know that there IS a future as a queer person and that’s there’s people who love and accept u for who you are, that even if you don’t get the teen queer love experience that a lot of the characters do , there’s still those opportunities later in life.

There’s one scene in Paris aswell that meant a lot to me , when Charlie and Nick are walking along and see an openly gay couple and i just think it shows how much of an impact seeing older and out queer people has on us , knowing that maybe you can be safe, and loved and have a future that’s happy like idk it’s just so moving to me.

Tara and Darcys struggles also spoke to me alot with both Darcys home life resonating with me and Taras learning to accept and call herself a lesbian. I feel like that’s a very prevalent issue alot of lesbians i know went through and i loved seeing it spoken about and having their relationship being treated with such care was so meaningful to me, it wasn’t treated as less than any of the other relationships which i feel is often the case in sapphic relationships so that just made me really happy.

Elles experiences with finding more of a community in which she can express herself and feel more comfortable and confident in her identity meant SO much to me i could talk about it all day , having a space to be openly queer is so important and having recently found people who i can be myself around and experience my gender and queerness how i want to unafraid of judgement is just so special to me so her journey throughout the seasons of navigating her relationships and such is just really really special to me and i love her sm.

there’s so many characters and so many more moments that i could talk about but i’m unsure on how to word them rn so i’ll come back to it but basicallt heartstopper sometiems gets a negative reaction because it’s “cheesy” and “cringe “ but i for one have always needed something like it in my life , i think queer people deserve to have happy , silly and fun representation of how their life could be and how it deserves to be, we deserve cheesy and normal and loving representation in film and tv especially by other queer ppl , reading the graphic novels a few years ago helped me a lot and gave me such a different perspective on my experiences and gave me some hope , and gave me characters who had experiences close to mine who got to have their happy endings and i’d struggled to find that so i’m not gonna stop praising it for how wonderful and meaningful it is and how much i love all the characters and their stories and how brilliantly i think the actors portray their characters and the storylines.

anyways, season 2 was so so good and i can’t stop thinking about it , it’s so special to me and i love them all

[sleepyselkiesketches]

I wanted to do a big piece to wrap up my year solidly, and here it finally is! I forget when I had the idea, but I really wanted to draw the ocs who had physical effects on my life all in one place. This has been a few months of work, and I may not be quite finished with it, but I have alas run out of time if I want to meet my deadline XD

More info on how important these characters have been to my life under the cut, cause that stuff’s Personal

Joy was my very first oc. The one that showed me just how much my imagination could Do, how far it could go. The one that gave me something to really write about, so I discovered my passion for writing and spent Years learning everything I could about writing and books. I don’t think anything will ever top how good my first rush of inspiration felt. None of my other ocs would exist without her paving the way. She even ended up being the reason I picked the college that I did, so many years later.

Arrow introduced me to online spaces, and helped me work through the concept of trauma and mental health. She carried me through a really hard transition, though I didn’t realise it at the time. She gave me a safe way to dip into my harsher emotions without self destructing. I learned so much about my own values and my mind from her. Honestly I’d rather not get into exactly what my experience with her was, it’s so cringy (to give you a hint, she was my online-sona) XD Out of all of them, I think she has changed the most and really gives me a sense of how far I’ve come

Kai is one of the main reasons I conquered my social anxiety, and managed to coast through my worst depression period. There are so so many experiences I never would've gotten without him. I am so much braver and kinder to myself for his existence. He sort of picked up where Joy left off, inso far as filling me with joy and inspiration again, and expanding my imagination and writing skills. Plus it was the first time I got to really experiment and branch out with character design (ie. There are more outfits out there than just tank tops XD)

And Ebony... aaahhh, Ebony. The whole reason my tumblr is what it is today. The reason I really became an Artist, and even got commissions! They led me to my partner, to my gender, and to so many dear online friends. Years of digital art and practice, all because of Ebony. Half of the art gifts I’ve gotten are of them! I can’t even keep track of all the ways they've affected the course of my life, like just my partner Alone completely changed everything for me

I can barely begin to scratch the surface of every small way these characters physically impacted my life. No shade to my other ocs XD