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sanjisock · 3 years

Text

more than words

50 words; 50 sentences

ao3

#01 - Motion

A spinning kick, a swing of blade — the two meet and hit but don’t hurt, and Nami sighs exasperatedly at such a pathetic display of a mating dance.

#02 - Cool

Zoro stands his ground as his enemy — finally, finally — falls unceremoniously on his back, unconscious, and Sanji thinks for a moment that the sight of Zoro — wild and victorious and ready to take on the world — looks kind of, maybe, slightly cool.

#03 - Young

Brook sees the two — dying to die for each other, the weight of their friends’ lives pulling down their shoulders — and he thinks too many people forget how young they still are.

#04 - Last

The Cook is the last person Zoro would consider lending a hand in a fight — “who would want to work together with that dumbass anyway,” he lies whenever anyone asks, and doesn’t admit that it’s because he trusts Sanji’s ability to stand his ground, wholly and fully.

#05 - Wrong

Sanji knows Zoro, like him, understands better than most — that this nakama thing isn’t just something you’d die for, but something you’d kill for, too.

#06 - Gentle

Sanji manages to catch Kitetsu before it rolls off from the deck during a storm, and in that moment, Zoro knows, from the reverent way he regards the swords in his hands, that this isn’t the first time the Cook has wielded one.

#07 - One

“Calm down, Marimo,” Sanji says with a dismissive wave of his hand when Zoro asks about the sword a few days later, “I’m not about to take your place as the ship’s swordsman; a cook doesn’t use his hands to fight, and I had a terrible teacher anyways.”

#08 - Thousand

“I’m worth two thousand men,” Zoro grumpily says, almost sulking, and Nami can’t resist patting his head like she would to a little boy pulling the pigtail of a girl he has a crush on.

#09 - King

You’re like the prince of Dumbass Kingdom, Zoro says, and it takes Sanji everything in him not to blurt out, Dumbass Kingdom sounds about right; wait ‘till you see the fucking king.

#10 - Learn

Watching Sanji converse fluently with a couple of tourists in a Northern language, Zoro wonders when he will ever stop learning something new about Sanji — or if he ever will, at all.

#11 - Blur

When Zoro finally comes to, the wounds from Bartholomeow Kuma is muted by Chopper’s medicine, a dull throb at the back of his consciousness; but the sharp pain against his heart feels raw still, visceral and razor-sharp, tucked alongside the ache of Sanji’s sacrifice.

#12 - Wait

“Wait,” he manages to croak out before Sanji flees the room, the word spilling out unbidden; he isn’t quite sure why, but he knows that he wants the Cook to stay.

#13 - Change

“Have some fucking decency ,” Sanji yells, throwing a shirt at Zoro’s direction; the brute has been walking around the ship bare-chested like an eyesore ever since they entered the summer island, and Sanji is just trying to do everyone a favor — and definitely not because there’s a different kind of heat pooling at the pit of his stomach.

#14 - Command

Robin watches the two in amusement — Zoro could have easily refused to be Sanji’s pack mule, and she can hear him grumbling about it still; and yet, here they are, once again, together at the island’s marketplace.

#15 - Hold

Sanji is rough around the edges, bristling at the slightest touch; Zoro knows he needs to be gentle, but he doesn’t quite remember the last time he held something that isn’t a hilt of a sword, without meaning to hurt . It’s a learning curve.

#16 - Need

Sanji knows Zoro is a dumbass, but it takes a special kind of stupid to think he would never be good enough for Sanji, when he’s all that Sanji has ever needed.

#17 - Vision

Zoro never regrets losing his eye, but he wishes, sometimes, he could still take in the sight of Sanji with an unimpaired vision, just to see more of him.

#18 - Attention

“You’re starting a fight, Marimo?” Sanji growls, voice low and dangerous, and Zoro thinks, yes, yes, anything to get you to look at me.

#19 - Soul

He loves the kid like a brother, but sometimes Zoro hates how Luffy can easily see past his gruff words and feigned ignorance; the way Luffy only needs to take one look at him to guess, “you’re worried about Sanji, aren’t you?”

#20 - Picture

He carries around everyone’s bounty posters, Sanji tells himself, and tries not to think too hard about how the only one he kept in his breast pocket is Zoro’s, folded neatly against his heart.

#21 - Fool

“This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done so far,” Sanji says when they part, lips still tingling from their earlier kiss, because Zoro’s love is fierce and consuming and Sanji knows, ever since he was just a kid with the iron mask, that he doesn’t deserve any of this.

#22 - Mad

“Don’t you ever say that kind of shit again,” Zoro snarls, slamming the wall beside Sanji’s head, his voice trembling with a kind of anger Sanji has never seen him with before — frustrated, desperate. “You’re important to me, Cook.”

#23 - Child

Grow up and cast your dreams away, Sanji tells himself every day, the voice ringing in his ears; you stopped being a child deserving of a dream the moment you chained Zeff down to the ground.

#24 - Now

Grow up and cast your dreams away, Sanji wants to tell himself, but the voice stutters, drowned out by the sight of the kid bleeding on the deck of Baratie — he’s a swordsman, too, acknowledged by none other than Dracule Mihawk himself — but a kid still, throwing himself headfirst towards the case of his dreams, steps unweighted by regrets.

#25 - Shadow

Zoro doesn’t know which is worse — Sanji, forever running away from the shadow his brothers cast; or Zoro, chasing after someone who is no longer around to leave behind a shadow anymore.

#26 - Goodbye

After Whole Cake Island, there’s a period of time where Zoro would follow Sanji around the ship like a lost puppy, unwilling to let the Cook out of his sight; Usopp definitely didn’t expect Zoro to have such a cute side, and crouches over his new invention to hide his smile.

#27 - Hide

“We’re not doing that here,” Sanji hisses, and forces himself not to laugh at the pout on Zoro’s face; the galley might be secluded enough, but they’re still on the enemy ship’s galley.

#28 - Fortune

It is annoying, the way Sanji keeps reminding Zoro that he could have collected Mihawk’s bounty and lived the rest of his life in wealth; especially when Zoro would trade any riches in the world just to stay by the Cook’s side.

#29 - Safe

It catches Zoro off guard when Sanji starts talking about his mother; it’s a short anecdote, a single happy memory, but Zoro can tell by the way Sanji tells it — guarded and hesitant, like he wants to keep the words close and safe — that he has never shared it with anyone else before.

#30 - Ghost

Usopp starts shaking like a leaf as soon as they enter the abandoned, dilapidated house, and Sanji gently tells him, sometimes the worst ghost is the one you create yourself; Zoro feels the weight of Wado on his hip, and agrees.

#31 - Book

“I don’t need this,” Zoro grumbles with a blush, pushing the book back into Nami’s hands, trying hard to ignore Nami’s laughter and the words ROMANCE FOR DUMMIES emblazoned on the book’s jacket.

#32 - Eye

Shusui sinks into the man’s stomach, all the way to the hilt, and Zoro thinks of the way Sanji curled into himself as the man landed a lucky hit on the cook’s hand. An eye for an eye.

#33 - Never

“This is my first time,” Zoro whispers, head ducking away as he feels his face flush at the admission; but Sanji’s hand rests on his cheek, encouraging, and he can feel the curve of Sanji’s smile as their lips meet and Sanji replies, “it’s mine, too.”

#34 - Sing

Luffy cheers when Zoro and Sanji comes into view, and he lets them take on the next batch of enemies; a good fight is always fun, but watching Zoro and Sanji fight is even more so — like watching a dance that only those two know the melody to.

#35 - Sudden

“What, are we supposed to be surprised?” Nami says, barely looking up from the map she’s working on; Sanji sputters, face redder than the tomatoes he served during breakfast, and Nami feels almost bad for him.

#36 - Stop

“But we — Zoro and I — how did you know?” Sanji asks, and promptly stops asking questions when he realizes the rest of the crew aren’t surprised either; who could blame them, when his and Zoro’s sexual tension can be seen from a mile away.

#37 - Time

Sanji knows they have to break apart soon, just to breathe, but right now all he cares about is to taste as much of Zoro as possible — he has waited two years for this, and it has been two years too long.

#38 - Wash

They have their fair share of fighting — and how, considering the amount of repairs Usopp has to do for Merry just from their petty fights alone — but what the crew doesn’t know is that they also have this thing, this quiet thing, just him and the Cook and a stack of dirty plates between them.

#39 - Torn

“In retrospect,” Robin observes, “dressing up our dear cook in a maid uniform would not only lower the enemy’s firepower, but also ours, considering how distracted our swordsman has clearly become.”

#40 - History

“Why do you keep him around, mister?” The kid asks, pointing at the old swordsman with three swords and an eye scar by the peer; Sanji laughs, pats the kid on the head, and says, almost wistfully — “you can say we have some history.”

#41 - Power

Sanji tugs at Zoro’s sleeve, and Zoro follows suit despite his complaints — Sanji thinks, distantly, how much of an honor it is, to have so much control over such a powerful man.

#42 - Bother

“I didn’t have enough time to make this three-tier ice cream cake for our lovely Nami-san and Robin-chan because you distracted me!” Sanji says with a hard jab of a finger against Zoro’s chest, and Zoro thinks, good .

#43 - God

Zoro does not believe in gods, but there’s a hymn of a noise when Zoro presses his lips against the crook of Sanji’s neck, the hallelujah of the world breaking apart as their bodies move together, and he thinks, close enough .

#44 - Wall

Zoro slams his fist into the wall of Polar Tang, and is taken aback by the depth of his own frustration; he knows Luffy and the others will get Sanji back from Big Mom’s place, but it unsettles him still, the way Sanji hides himself under layers of pretenses when Zoro has bared so much of himself to the Cook in return.

#45 - Naked

“What the fuck was that for , Mosshead?!” Sanji shrieks, justifiably furious, leg raised and on fire after Zoro sliced his tray into two without preamble; Zoro can’t exactly tell the Cook he did it because he was too surprised at the sight of Sanji in a swimming trunk and nothing else.

#46 - Drive

Why Zoro , people sometimes ask, but the answer is easy to Sanji — nobody drives him crazy the way Zoro does, and is that not what true love feels like?

#47 - Harm

Zoro knows Sanji will be furious ; but as he faces Kuma, knowing at least the Cook is out of harm’s way, he knows he would do this a hundred times over, a thousand times over, a million times over.

#48 - Precious

Sanji is sitting by the corner of the infirmary, face pale with red-rimmed eyes, and Zoro thinks he’s never had that, before — people who would weep for him, knowing that he is more than dried scars and calloused skin.

#49 - Hunger

This thing we have is dangerous, Sanji tells him, but Zoro doesn’t care — he already has a craving, the same way he needs a booze when it’s been too long, except he thinks that this vice will surely kill him.

#50 - Believe

This isn’t faith; this is the truth, Zoro’s truth, the same way he knows he will become the Greatest — Sanji will find that elusive sea of his, and Zoro will stay with him until it is the last thing he can do.

#opfanfic #zosan #roronoa zoro #sanji #one piece

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witchyclispe · 5 years

Text

Master Of Balance

Posted first on ao3! Check it out there too!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22412821/chapters/53549695

Chapter One

The Princess and Elder Mechanic

Rysheladon, one of the coldest planets in the galaxy . The planet was so cold most ships tend to stay far , FAR away from it . Coldest it has ever gotten was below -647 ° which to the people and creatures who inhabit the planet was slightly more than a walk in the park. Thirteen months of winter in a year with only one for spring , two for summer and one for fall , you kinda get used to the never-ending "freeze your ears off" weather.

The planet was on the very edge of the outer rim , almost past it . Rysheladon seemed very similar to Earth yet instead of 75% being water, 80% of the planet had enormous trees that overlooked even the tallest of buildings. They seemed to touch the stars to the citizens who resided there. Often there had been tales the elders would tell the young-lings of their ancestors reaching the stars through the spirits of those very trees. They would call the trees spiritus trees because of the stories.

In these large forests resided many terrible and kind creatures . Large beasts to the smallest of insects that would enchant the unsuspecting traveler if you weren't careful enough , which is why the people of Rysheladon decided to dig underneath the cold surface and make home below away from the cruel weather up top . Though not all could afford to live below so others created tall civilizations atop the surface . For traders of any kind lived above whether they were wealthy like the people below. Only the rich or royalty were able to live beneath the surface . The royal family lived the largest tunnel and cave systems in the below, while the poor people above lived in the terrifying and never ending sea of forests .

Many years ago there had been word of the eldest daughter of the royal family coming to bear a child , but a child with no father. So she had been cast out to raise her child alone and in the cold harsh land above. Never to return unless the child was dead . The eldest princess was to bear the weight of the throne and craved that power unlike anyone in her family ever had before so when she had been tossed out , the eldest daughter had been devastated. She hated the being growing inside her . Each day closer to the child's birth gave the princess more hatred and anger towards it so she came up with a plan. No one would miss this child, so why keep it? She could easily leave the infant to the storms and creatures of the forest so why shouldn't she?

That was how the eldest princess decided on giving her own child up to die . No remorse , no love , not even a hint of guilt in this poor woman's soul for her own child . But you see, the reason she wasn't happy with the child was because the infant would have no father.

That is because the princess had never been in bed with a man before .

Yes this child had absolutely no father. So how did it come to exist ? There was no logical explanation to it. The child should never have existed yet here it was , growing inside the poor, angry, and abandoned princess. Months ago she had felt an energy consuming her while she slept but never once had she been bedded . Doctors checked just to make sure, she was indeed a virgin soon to give birth to a baby but what the hell kind of baby would it be if it had no father?

Soon the baby was born, it was a baby girl with small tufts of dark hair on its fragile head. The baby seemed perfectly human, and almost resembled her mother completely . Except for the small birthmark on its back which looks oddly like a sword of sorts, a Jedi's sword? No, she must have been losing it .

After resting for a day she haphazardly swaddled the infant in a blanket and walked towards the forest. Not caring that the baby had not been fed yet , not caring that it wailed as if it were dying. 'Soon, soon the child would know death' the princess thought to herself as she walked deeper into the forest until she found a small frozen over lake . One of the only lakes she'd ever seen. It was beautiful , but a dangerous area even for an adult . Quickly the princess settled the baby on a frosted over ledge and wrapped the baby up once more for good measure . She then stood up and started to walk back out of the dreaded forest , never once turning back to look at the now sleeping baby girl.

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Quietly walking along the trail he had made in the forest , an older man who appeared to be around 60 years in age started to trot along through the thick woods . He hummed a small tune to himself as he walked . Nothing pretty but still had meaning to him, His name was Percival the machinist . Or that's what people had been calling him since he was much much younger.

His humming quickly came to a stop when he heard what seemed to be the wailing of an infant. Why was a baby out here? He quickly started walking towards the sound, an infant should never be out in these woods , he thought to himself . Surely he heard the crying get louder as he came closer to it . When he appeared by old Lake Ziosashra and saw the small bundle wrapped up on a stony ledge he moved to assess the situation.

"Aw why hello there little dear. " Percival called to the infant as he reached down to pick it up . "Well I'll be damned… who would've let such a beautiful little baby like you out here , huh?" He cooed to the bundle in his arms . The child seemed to calm down quite a lot just by being held,'T his baby can't be more than a few days old. Why is it out here?' , Percival thought to himself . He looked around seeing that there was most definitely no one else around. " Guess I'll just have to figure out how to keep ya myself huh? Is that alright, little moon? " the old man asked the baby , knowing that it wouldn't understand him but he smiled happily at the smiles and giggles that came from the child.

" Guess that's a yes. " he chuckled to himself. Quickly and carefully, he made his way off the stone ledge to the ground below with a nice crunch as his feet hit the snowy terrain. Making his way back to the trail he looked down at the little one calmly babbling to itself . "Well we have to give you a name don't we dear? And figure out if you're a little girl or a little boy… " he looked at the lake as the sun lit up the frozen top . Such a beautiful , great big lake.

He untucked the blankets from around the baby , quickly taking note that the baby he has all but suddenly decided to care for was a girl . " Hm…. Why don't we call you… Ziosa?" He said wrapping the baby back up to conceal it from the wicked weather around them. The baby made a strained noise almost like a yell of sorts . Percival laughed a little , " Apparently not. Little moon doesn't like that . Well we can figure that out later , for now let's get you out of this cold . " , the old man said walking to the trail he had just been on minutes before he knew what would happen.

'The force surely does work in mysterious ways .' Percival though as he made his way to his mechanical shop and home. All the while holding the baby girl close to himself as if to shield her from the cold weather .

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Once Percival had made it to his home he set down the small infant on a makeshift couch of his, quickly taking off his multiple layers of jackets and cloaks to fight against the cold world. After that he started a fire in the fireplace that was about 10 feet away from where the bundle of blankets sat on the couch. " lets get it a little warmer here why don't we. " Percival said to no one in particular in the room . The baby girl babbled as if to respond to his words .

Once the fire had been started he walked to his room to find a few thicker blankets and saw one on the end of his bed . " I'll need to find her clothes later…. This'll do for now", again talking to himself. You do that a lot when you've been basically alone for 30 years, all except for the occasional customer and many many ships that needed repairing in his shops garage .

Walking back out to the living room he picked up the girl out of the ragged old blankets and quickly swaddled her to the best of his abilities . He'd never taken care of a kid before but damn he had always wanted to raise one . Just never found the right woman to settle down and have a couple of kids with. He rocked the baby in his arms for a bit, humming the same tune he had been just before he found her. Apparently it had lulled the girl to sleep because the next time he looked down, he saw that she was fast asleep nuzzled in his arms.

Percival's heart could almost burst at that moment . He really needed to think of a name for her but he's a mechanic not someone who's creative, in all honesty he could hardly make up blueprints of his own personal projects . Slowly and carefully, he placed the sleeping baby down on the couch again. He then placed another blanket on top of the swaddled little girl hoping that she'd stay warm with all the blankets and the roaring fire that was going.

Suddenly there was a very loud knock on Percival's front door , he almost jumped out of his skin at the random knock . He wasn't expecting anyone today and it was his only day off which usually meant everyone would leave him alone. Again the very loud knock sounded from his front door , he checked to see if the infant was still asleep , which she was . He grumbled a bit walking towards his door and opening it, " What the hell do you want it's my damn day off-"

"Don't start fussin' at me old man I'm just here with ya groceries like usual." , a tall woman said . She had long black hair that hit that hit the middle of her back, half of it braided in sections. Her skin was a dark blue with green in areas. " alright alright Arthala get in before you make me freeze the last bit of life I have off.",Percival said as he moved to the side to let her come inside. " Like ya have much of that anyways , Percy. " , the woman better known as Arthala said walking in .

Percival quickly closed the door and locking it walking over to check on the baby again as Arthala started talking ,"Its colder than usual out there. People in the city say it's goin' to break records tonight so- what are you doin' perc? " , Athala looked up from her place by the door to see Percival bending down and tucking in something to the couch . " Ah oh yeah… so I was on my daily walk and found something near Old Lake Ziosashra ." , the man said now standing up straight and looking at the very tall woman who now stood in his small kitchen. "Something? Oh please tell me ya didn't find another dying bird , ya could get sick.", Athala said looking at her friend .

Leaning down , Percival carefully picked up the bundle of blankets and you could practically hear Arthala's jaw drop. " You found a baby!?" , she yelled . " Will you be quiet!? Yes I found a baby , she was left all alone and abandoned near the lake. " , Percival whisper shouted walking towards the kitchen swaying the child back and forth to keep her asleep.

" Why would you bring a baby home? You can hardly take care of yourself !", the tall woman said coming closer to look at the bundle of blankets her friend held . "What was I gonna do, let the bats eat her? Someone had already abandoned her… I mean look at her. She's just so beautiful I don't know why anyone would ever leave a sweet thing like this out there to die ….. I just had to bring her home 'Thala" , Percival told the woman standing beside him . "She is quite cute… but how will you take care of her? She can't be but only a few days old… " , Athala asked .

Percival tried to think about what he would do on his walk home . "Honestly 'thala I have no idea yet but i'm going to keep her. I'll just make up what to do on the way ." , he said quietly still rocking the infant . " You can hold her if you want to." he told his friend who was transfixed on the sleeping girl. As Athala nodded he slowly placed the baby in her arms. "Oh look at ya, aren't ya just a beaut? " she cooed to the girl. " Does she have a name yet Perc? " , " No… still thinking about that but you know i'm not creative. Got any ideas? " , Percival replied as he looked up to his friend. " If she was found near lake Ziosashra… why not Zio? Or maybe 'Ziorah' . Rah means ethereally beautiful to my species and she surely fits that description…" , Athala said to her friend.

Percival smiled looking down towards the sleeping infant that was snuggled up in his friends arms, " Ziorah… that sounds perfect. Alright little moon, I dub you Ziorah… my daughter. "

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Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed chapter one of this story involving my baby girl Ziorah! Please feel free to share and comment any feedback you have or even questions! I'd love to hear what you have to say! If you'd like to see what Ziorah looks like please check out my instagram! I'll hopefully make this story into a comic with time but for now I'm writing it out and making some art of certain parts. Hope you've enjoyed this first chapter!

More to come soon!

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anyway-i-love-vanderwood · 5 years

Note

Hey! So, in honor of the holiday (and my poor, poor throat), how would the gang deal with MC being sick of Valentine's Day? The specifics can be up to you, it is your writing, as long as we can see some sweet Vanderwood? lolol

✿I wanted to do something short and funny to get back into HCs so thank you for this!

Yoosung

Until he actually hears your voice, he’s terrified that this is an excuse and he did something terrible to upset you. Like - oh no!! I’m the worst boyfriend!! So bad that my partner is faking sick because they’re worried I’ll publicly embarrass them or something!

I have to cancel the mariachi band I hired to serenade us at lunch!

(It was Seven’s idea. Yoosung has got to stop listening to that man.)

Once he realizes just how genuinely clogged, snotty, and feverish you are, Mama Yoosung comes out in full force. He spends the day doing all of your chores, feeding you, and generally being supportive, sweet, and loving.

He Googles every single home remedy for colds under the sun, adds in a few more from his mom, and makes you take them all.

After the fifth dose of bitter paste, you tell him that you’d rather fall into the sweet, cold embrace of death, thanks.

NO YOOSUNG, YOU ARE NOT DRINKING LIZARD BROTH.

Zen

When he learns that you’re sick, he howls with such despair that the neighbors actually bang on his door to make sure he isn’t fatally wounded.

How can you be sick? On VALENTINES DAY? The most important holiday of the year??!? He was gonna show you off to everyone! He was going to make all the singles feel what he felt when couples were broadcasting their oo-ey gooey love on the February Fest of Romantic Bliss! HE WANTED TO FEED YOU CHOCOLATE FONDUE AND GIVE YOU FIVE MILLION FLOWERS.

“Five million?” You repeat dully, your voice ragged from sinus drainage.

“Five million!”

Obviously, he insists on at least coming over so you can see his beautiful face watch romcoms together and cuddle, but he’s also an irrepressible cuddlebug and can’t not pull you into his lap for snuggles.

And smooches.

Zen, you’re lucky you have a god-tier immune system despite your nutritional intake being piss-poor, because you’re just inviting it in at this point.

Jaehee

On the disappointment scale, Jaehee checks in at around a… two or so?

She’s honestly more worried about you while simultaneously being annoyed that the booming business of Valentines Day means she can’t take time off to fuss over your health. Not that she doesn’t try, but you won’t let her because she needs the income. Running a small business is tough!

At around noon, a ring at the doorbell reveals Zen, who - with a flourish - reveals a bouquet, a resupply of medicine, and a drink from Jaehee’s cafe made especially for you. Zen will act as the courier of his favorite couples *~love~*!

Thanks zen

Once Jaehee can close up, she rushes over to come see you, and you have a wonderful, low-key tea, movie, and heart-shaped cake (that she made!) date on your couch.

Even though you’re sick and icky, it’s a nice day overall. Jaehee is a modest, warm, and caring soul who makes your stress just melt away by sitting next to you.

Or giving you a nice massage.

Thank you Jaehee and your martial arts grip!

(The others are under the read-more!)

Jumin

Oh Jumin.

He starts off the day with a racket. How could you have gotten sick? Where have you gotten germs from? STAFF, DISINFECT EVERYTHING NOW!

Once you get him to shut up honey please you are only making the headache worse, he gets much easier to deal with. Because of Jumin Han being Jumin Han, you are never actually obligated to leave your home and you have everything your heart could ever desire in the medicine, food, and chocolate category… but you still want to do something for Valentines Day with him.

Especially since Jumin Han has never gotten the chance to, well… experience the holiday in a pure way. What it actually means beyond the giant stuffed bears, fancy champagne, and chocolate truffles with too many vowels in their names.

So, you make him go on a walk with you.

He’s resistant - won’t that make your condition worse? Your insistence that you actually would like some fresh air makes him relent, and you take a short stroll together to a local park.

It’s… honestly really nice, snuggling against him against a bench and enjoying a puff pastry from a local food truck as you search for warmth against the chilly air. You people-watch, you point out fun outfits and sweet couples, and Jumin is reminded once more just how much he likes spending time with you.

No matter the setbacks, no matter the weather, no matter your current antibody level… just being with you is wonderful for him.

707

When you open the door, a rain of red sparkly glitter and shimmering confetti hearts showers down upon you. Beyond the pink mist is Seven, grinning like a jaguar and carrying a bottle of champagne in one hand and NyQuil in the other.

“Honey, I got you a gift you’ll never forget!”

“What, permanent liver scarring from combining alcohol and acetaminophen or the glitter I’ll never get out of my carpet?”

“Both!”

(But seriously please do not drink and take Tylenol/DayQuil/etc it is a bad body choice)

Setting the champagne aside for later (like, when you’re feeling better later), Seven pulls out your real gift, which is an intricately detailed chocolate sculpture of the Mars Rover that he had commissioned for this special occasion.

Like, it’s so pretty that you can barely bring yourself to eat it.

How did you get this, Seven.

This is ridiculous.

Seven takes you being sick in perfect stride, almost like he’d planned for this happenstance, and you have a wonderful Valentines Day with him playing video games, watching movies, and talking about which spaceships were destined to fall in love with each other.

It is a ship war.

“Oh… oh no… I didn’t get you sick, did I?”

v stop blaming yourself for everything!

V has had a rough time on the dating scene, so it doesn’t matter if you’re sick and feel like shit YOU ARE TAKING THIS MAN OUT ON A DATE.

“But - “

“NO BUTS, V. TODAY IS A DAY FOR AGGRESSIVE COURTING.”

“okay”

Armed with a bag full of tissues, a thermos of tea, and the desire to show V how good you are at romance, you take him to an art gallery, a concert, and a FANCY RESTAURANT WITH CAKES SHAPED LIKE ROSES. ROSES.

“D-do you… need to step out?” V asks in a hushed whisper as you try to blow your nose as quietly as humanly possible during a violin solo.

“i ‘ m f i n e”

He thinks its sweet, though he really does wish you’d spent the day resting given that tomorrow you’re even sicker. He’ll do all the dishes and bring you some hot tea in thanks for your struggles.

Saeran/Unknown

BUT YOU AREN’T ALLOWED TO BE SICK ON VALETINES DAY, IT’S AGAINST THE RULES, HOW ARE YOU SUCH A BAD PARTNER WHO LETS THEMSELF GET SICK -

*cough cough* goes Saeran, and your eyebrows go up.

“Saeran, are those tissues in your pocket?”

“no”

“Saeran, is your… voice cracking?”

“nO”

“Saeran, is your nose red and running -?”

“NO AND STOP ASKING”

Anyway, long story short, the world’s favorite idiot dandelion is also sick on Valentines Day which is pretty typical considering he spends most of his time around you. Given the both of you are too mutually stuffy to go out and enjoy the day, you stay in and have tissue-basketball competitions and engage in your favorite pastimes: being annoying on the Internet, eating too much junk-food, and mutually refusing to admit that you’re both watching Twilight unironically.

Which is honestly what you might be doing if you weren’t sick, but let’s not critique either of your dating techniques here considering its a miracle you aren’t both dead in a ditch somewhere.

Vanderwood

So uh. Does the relationship code obligate them to hang out with you on Valentine’s Day?

Yes?

Shit.

Look, they don’t like being around sick people, okay? And you’re so runny and germy right now. But Vanderwood also supposes that if the most romantic thing they can do today is clean up your snot, then whatever. It’s not like they actually care about a soulless corporate consumer holiday like Valentine’s Day or had plans for it or anything -

(”Vanderwood, are those tickets for that super popular musical that’s been sold out for two months sticking out of your pocket?”)

(”NO.”)

Anyway, you’re a walking plague ward, so Vanderwood puts on their face mask, strong-arms their way into your apartment (despite you telling them at least fifteen times that it’s fine, really, you don’t actually mind, they’ll catch what you have!!) and makes you chicken noodle soup. Like - goes all out on this chicken noodle soup. They make the noodles by hand! They simmer shit! Look at all of those finely chopped carrots and bits of celery, it’s like an episode of Top Chef! Damn dude, is that fresh oregano? Like, from a plant? WHY DID YOU BRING AN OREGANO PLANT OVER VANDERWOOD.

Despite them telling you to stay in bed and rest, they’ll bring you tea and medicine and cold cloths for your head, you insist on helping them. The germs will boil away with the heat, right? That’s how science works!

Vanderwood isn’t sure if that’s how science works or not, but they break when you say you don’t really want to be left alone and miserable in your room, and there’s something really appealing about you standing next to them, slicing bits of dough into thin strips of noodle and leaning against their shoulder for support…

Happy Valentines day, Vanderwood. Welcome to domesticity.

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jellybeanbeing · 5 years

Text

A Reaper at the Gates by Sabaa Tahir *UPDATED*

Synopsis:

Beyond the Empire and within it, the threat of war looms ever larger.

The Blood Shrike, Helene Aquilla, is assailed on all sides. Emperor Marcus, haunted by his past, grows increasingly unstable, while the Commandant capitalizes on his madness to bolster her own power. As Helene searches for a way to hold back the approaching darkness, her sister's life and the lives of all those in the Empire hang in the balance.

Far to the east, Laia of Serra knows the fate of the world lies not in the machinations of the Martial court, but in stopping the Nightbringer. But while hunting for a way to bring him down, Laia faces unexpected threats from those she hoped would aid her, and is drawn into a battle she never thought she'd have to fight.

And in the land between the living and the dead, Elias Veturius has given up his freedom to serve as Soul Catcher. But in doing so, he has vowed himself to an ancient power that will stop at nothing to ensure Elias's devotion--even at the cost of his humanity.

REVIEW WITH SPOILERS!

So I read A Reaper at the Gates again and I have new thoughts.

This re-read for me was surprisingly pleasant. I wasn’t planning on reading this but I had a sudden urge to read it so I just picked it up and it was really good. And don’t get me wrong, if you read my other review for this book, you will know that I loved it the first time around, but this time I just noticed a lot of different things that captured my attention and made the story even more complex and better. But I will be honest and say the true reason that I picked up this book again was because of Helene and Avitas. I just really love those two and their slow burn romance. I was really looking forward to it and it was just as I remembered if not, better. Anyways, onto the review!

Starting off with Elias, I know I said I didn’t like his chapters the first time around, but I’ve grown to really love them and appreciate them and his character. But his chapters still weren’t my favorite. Anyways, I found that his chapters were the most emotional and heart wrenching because Elias, this dude who loves so much, has to learn not to love anymore. We can see his slow progression into his detachment to the human world and it is so sad to read. I also really liked that with his chapters, we the readers got to see the true complexity that is this novel. The story is essential set up in the beginning as good vs evil, but with the stories of the jinn, we see that all sides have done their damage so the big question is put out there: who’s right and who’s wrong? And I absolutely love this because it strays away from the black and white of things and shows the true realities of war and the world.

Laia kind of annoyed me this time around. I love her with all of my heart but, she kept doing things she was told not to do, and it bothered me. I was so frustrated with her because I felt like she kept playing hero at the wrong times. She kept trying to save every one person she saw suffering, and I know her reasoning for it (because she wants to save just one life if she can or something like that) but THINK OF THE BIGGER PICTURE. Yeah, she can save that one child, but she can also save thousands of others if she just kept going instead of stopping for every one person. And don’t get me started with how easily this girl gets distracted. When she found out that Cook was her mom and they were reunited, she literally stopped and said that what happened between them was more important than their mission TO SAVE THE ENTIRE EMPIRE. HELLO? MORE IMPORTANT? *sighs heavily* I will say though, that I love that Laia makes mistakes. It makes sense for her character because all the others are more experienced than she is, with all the killing and other stuff. It also makes her more real.

Helene Aquilla is my girl. I love her so much. I just love seeing her growth, though it is heartbreaking. Her chapters were (again) my favorite, and I think that really has to do with the amount of different characters in her chapters. She is really the only character in this book who interacts with more than four people throughout the entire book. Through Helene’s chapters, we the readers can really grasp at how serious and more complex the war is. Also the “villains” were most present in Helene’s chapters and boy, are they written so well. I’ll get to that later. I guess all I really have to say for Helene though, is that I just loved her and her chapters. There’s nothing more to say.

Now for all three of these characters—Elias, Laia, and Helene—the one absolute thing that bothered me was that they didn’t seem to use their brains or common sense.

For Elias, he kept fucking around when Shaeva was trying to teach him his role as Soul Catcher and she even told him that she didn’t know if she would have enough time but still he kept skipping out and not learning. And what did that result in? Shaeva dying and then Elias barely having clue on how to pass on the ghosts all because he didn’t fucking listen.

For Laia, she kept passing over the minuscule details that later turned out to be crucial. In the beginning, she notices that the town where she’s trying to free Mamie, is empty and she’s like, that’s no concern of mine. WELL IT TURNS OUT THAT THAT WAS CRUCIAL BECAUSE YA GOT CAUGHT. She also kept assuming things that were later on not true, like when she thought she was the ghost and was so certain of it but it turned out that Cook was the ghost.

For Helene, she used her brains at bit more like with the figuring out the ships and what not, but she kept playing into the Commandant’s hands unintentionally, even when she was warned so many times not to. I think she just kept thinking about being one step ahead of Keris that she literally played into her hands and was like, ARE YOU SERIOUS? And let’s be honest, Avitas was a real big help in helping Helene try to take down Keris.

Now for the “villains” (The Commandant, The Nightbringer, and Marcus), I personally really liked how well they were written. The complexity and human qualities they have make them such interesting characters.

First off, Marcus: What he became at Blackcliff and after that was truly disgusting. He deserved to die, but I can’t help but feel sad for him. In Elias’s last chapter, there’s a line that explains this perfectly: “I take their darkness—that which Blackcliff found within them and nurtured—and Mauth consumes it...When I look back at the twins, they are boys once more, untainted by the world.” It’s so real and it’s sad. I will admit that I cried at his death scene and the last scene where he is with his brother. After Zak’s death, we see the more human side of him leaking through and it gave his character more complexity than just being this stagnant jackass.

For The Nightbringer, we see in his own two chapters why he wants to bring the jinn back. With his character’s POV and the jinn’s story, it really shifts the image of his character from being just evil into this morally grey character. He’s doing what he’s doing because he wants his family back and they were betrayed. He wants vengeance. I really love this because it gives reason behind his doings. It doesn’t make him out to be this bad guy, just to be the bad guy.

And for Keris, I am the most intrigued by her. I find the meaning behind her tattoo so fascinating and so well done. I read that part again and my jaw was completely dropped. Slowly, we’re uncovering the secrets of her past and it’s so good. I am wanting more, especially with that cliffhanger at the end where the Wisp is actually Keris’s mom. There are so many unanswered questions and I want them now. She did get on my nerves though. So much.

The romances in this book weren’t very heavy but it was a good amount. Laia and Elias’s relationship was meh, for me if I’m being honest here. The one thing loved though was how they kept referring to each other as friends or that they just really cared for each other. I was like, yeah, yeah, shut up, y’all love each other.

But Helene and Avitas? My favorite! Slow burn and hate to love romances are my absolute favorite tropes and that’s what this couple is. I love the slow build up of their attraction for each other and the subtle flirting that happens. It’s so darn cute and I’m shipping this so hard.

I cannot wait for when Elias finally tells Laia what he said in the caravan before he left: “You are temple, you are my priest, you are my prayer, you are my release.” I AM READY TO CRY WHEN IT HAPPENS.

Also, I cannot, I repeat, CANNOT wait for when Avitas finally says “Helene” instead of Blood Shrike. I WILL SCREAM FROM THE ROOFTOPS WHEN IT HAPPENS. He’s been so close to saying it and I just can’t wait. God, these romances kill me.

One last thing before I wrap everything up. The one thing that really had me thinking was, does Blackcliff Academy not train their students in things other than combat? Because Elias, top student of Blackcliff Academy, seemed to lack in skills like strategy and stuff like that. And whenever he mentioned about going into Mask-mode, it was to always fight and be emotionless. And if the answer is yes, Blackcliff does teach things other than combat, then why and how the hell did Elias become the top student? IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE. Also, does Laia have a last name? Where is Spiro Teluman? That man literally up and left. What are the rankings for the soldiers? (Auxes, centurions, masks, all that jazz). Okay, that’s it. 4/5 stars!

Definitely go check out my other Reaper review!

#an ember in the ashes #a torch against the night #a reaper at the gates #sabaa tahir #books #book review #book reviews #spoilers #book spoilers #elias veturius #laia of serra #helene aquilla

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fae-fucker · 5 years

Text

Zenith: Chapter 33-36

Chapter 33

So we’re back in Andi’s POV, finally. She’s woken up by Dex who is all worried and Andi vomits in his lap and then thinks about how sexy he is. Mind you, they are in a ship filled with corpses and there’s an unconscious and busted Valen near them who’s probably dying slowly, plus the vomit.

But I guess that just turns Andi on more? Discuss.

They find Valen barely alive among the corpses and Dex is surprised he’s not dead.

Hey bud. Didn’t you throw the guy down a flight of stairs a few chapters ago? I don’t think you’re in any position to make glib remarks, my guy.

Andi takes out the pilot with a shoelace, which, alright, and Dex says something about how she’s still afraid to fly a ship because she asks him to do it. Wow, an actual symptom of PTSD? In my Zenith? What a time to be alive.

The chapter ends with Andi angsting about how she’s had to murder another person. Except she didn’t have to do that. She could’ve just knocked the pilot out and locked them in the storage with the other corpses to get rescued later. The pilot didn’t know there were live people on board so they wouldn’t know who attacked them anyway. I mean yeah they’d probably sustain brain damage but they wouldn’t be dead.

Methinks Andi really likes murder and justifies it to herself by saying it’s a necessity.

Chapter 34

We’re in Dex’s POV and he’s complaining about how everything smells like trash on the Marauder now that Alfie took the door off the trash shoot.

Hey. Hey why don’t you just ... blast it out? Like. Just shoot the trash out. Why do you store it on the ship that gets lighter and faster when you spend ammo? You’re in space. Just blast that shit. Or convert it into biofuel. Apparently it smells of “unmentionable” things so that makes me wonder if they store their actual shit in there as well? What the fuck is in their trash department that it smells so bad? If they can’t blast out the trash (which makes no sense), why didn’t they get rid of it when they were getting repairs before the mission? Why didn’t they get rid of it during the numerous times they’ve landed? Why the fuck does this ship have a dedicated trash department anyway?

The little fire-haired gunner had wanted to know if the blood on Andi belonged to her or some “now-ball-less bastard,” to which the giantess had responded, Of course it’s not hers, Gil. And don’t say bastard. Say prick.

Comedy.

Dex is being patched up by Alfie (who is described as “fawning” over his wounds, which doesn’t sound right), and thinks about how he’s gonna drink himself into oblivion later. Alcoholism? Love it. I bet Shinsay will know exactly how to handle this, with how many references their super cool and mature characters make to getting absolutely shitfaced.

Dex sulks himself out of the “med bay” (Why don’t these idiots have medical staff? For the same reason they don’t have mechanics I suppose.) to go and update General Cortas on their progress.

The general is all grumpy and shit and reminds Dex that he’s in charge and can fuck him up good if anything happens to Valen, and tells him to keep Andi away from him. Because he thinks Andi will ... kill Valen too? I guess he thinks Andi is addicted to murdering his kids or smth.

Anyway, Dex gets all mopey because the big scary man said some mean things but then he hears classical music and enters Andi’s room. It’s time for some bullshit, lads.

Chapter 35

So finally we get the scene where Andi “dances” with the dead, which turns out to actually just happen in her head while she spaces out and cries. She imagines herself on a stage with an audience of ghosts of all the people she’s killed, and they come up and dance with her one by one and she “memorizes” their features. I’m not sure how she does that because the narration during action scenes keeps emphasizing how quick and cool she is so I have no idea how she can “memorize” the features of someone she’s probably only looked at for a couple of seconds at most. Also, I dunno why she’s memorizing something she clearly already remembers. I know it’s a nitpick but it’s just bad, y’all.

If this is supposed to be atonement ... God I hope it’s not. It’s honestly written like it makes Andi some sort of pure angel who just Does What She Has To, instead of just being a coping mechanism. Behold:

Tears streaked down Andi’s cheeks, pulling her from the vision she’d created so clearly in her mind. The music grew louder, silencing her tears. She closed her eyes and forced herself back into her mind. She owed this to the dead. This pain, this dance, this time where she gave herself fully to their memory.

Anyway, the last ghost is Kalee of course, and I’m not entirely sure how many people Andi’s killed if every single dance is as detailed and long as the ones with latest ghosts (the descriptions are quite lengthy so I assume it’s a couple of minutes or so), but it looks like Kalee’s ghost has to sit there and wait a while lmao. Even in death this brat can’t catch a break.

Sorry, I know I’m laughing at trauma here, but it’s not real trauma, it’s badly written melodramatic trauma. Like, I just don’t see someone who genuinely doesn’t like to murder people keep “crossing that line” (yes, apparently whenever Andi does a murder, she “crosses a line” she’s set for herself, wowza) and all they do for atonement is keeping a mental list and queue of all the fake made-up ghosts she needs to dance with. Like. I get that people cope differently but this is less of a coping mechanism and more Shinsay crossing shit off a list to make Andi more palatable.

I just don’t believe it. Not after I’ve seen how proud she is of being the Bloody Baroness and how Glorious it feels to Do A Murder.

Also, this chapter is rife with weird fucking grammar and writing in general. Some examples:

[Kalee] was dressed in a shimmering blue gown that swirled around her ankles like fragments of cloud.

“Fragments of cloud”????

The transport creaked. Groaned, as the fire licked closer and closer.

Why did you. Break, the sentence up like that.

The chapter ends with Dex giving Andi some time to pause her PTXD so they can have the talk she promised him. Which is nice of him, I guess. Despite being obnoxious and a dweeb, Dex manages to be better than every SJM love interest ever? Wow.

Oh but don’t you worry, it lasts uuuh until just now.

Chapter 36

Andi thinks about how sexie Dex is now that he’s washed the blood and vomit off and changed some clothes. Which ... there’s no mention of him doing since he returned from the corpse hauling ship ... The last chapter from his POV had him arriving at the Marauder and having his wounds checked, after which he instantly went to call General Cortas, and then he went directly to Andi.

I guess he’s got time travel powers? Or are we supposed to believe he showered before being brought into the med bay?

Whatever.

Dex says that Andi doesn’t know the “full story” behind the reason he turned her over to the Patrolmen, and Andi responds with:

“I loved you, and you threw me away like some common whore!”

But god forbid we actually say the word “sex” or stop being immature little shits every moment we make a dirty reference, amirite guys? Calling women whores and sluts is a-ok but if you even TRY to discuss sexuality in a mature and relaxed way you WILL get eaten by the mommy police.

Dex is like “pwease wissen to me :C” and she’s like “fucking dammit he’s just so hot not to listen to”:

She wanted him to hurt. To feel the soul-deep pain, just as she did. Physical wounds would heal, but the internal scars never would.

SOUL-DEEP PAIN.

Not sure Andi has a soul but go off.

“You were my whole world. You showed me that I could still be loved. When everyone else—an entire planet full of people—hated me so much they wished me dead, even my own parents...I found you. I started to live again. I started to trust. Then I lost you, too, just like all the others. You turned away, just like they did.”

Thanks for mapping out the exact reasons for your angst, Andi. It’s not like we’re clever enough to know you have trust- and/or abandonment issues.

More like Angstdi amirite?

Dex gets all defensive and instead of giving her the real reason for his betrayal, he starts mouthing off and justifying himself.

“I turned you in because you were running from the law! You lied to me about your past, Andi. I did nothing that wasn’t expected of me! My duty as a Guardian was to the welfare of the galaxy, not to some runaway Spectre who’d failed her entire planet! You made the choice to fly that transport ship. It was your hands that crashed it. Your failure that killed Kalee! You ran, Androma.”

H-hey bud? This is, as far as you know, your only chance to justify yourself. Maybe calm your tits and tell her what you’ve been keeping secret instead of confirming her beliefs about you? Since you were so desperate to talk to her?

No? Ok. For someone who displays some amount of emotional maturity (good god I can’t believe I just said that about fiking Dex Dogtective), you sure do get fired up easily, huh. Must be all that will-they-won’t-they tension.

They circled each other like predators, blood boiling, bodies shaking with rage as the stars looked on.

I can promise you the stars have better things to do than to give a shit about this petty squabble, Shinsay.

“Did you ever think about my side in all of this, Androma?” Dex’s voice cracked suddenly as he ran his fingers through his dark hair. “You may think you know the whole story, but you are so consumed by hate that you only see yourself.”

SO MAYBE STOP JUSTIFYING YOUR ACTIONS AND ACTUALLY TELL HER WHY YOU DID IT IF IT’S SO FUCKING IMPORTANT FOR HER TO KNOW?!

But no, we can’t have that yet. He follows it up with this:

“Your side of the story doesn’t matter. You sunk a knife into my chest. You stole my ship and left me to die.”

BECAUSE YOU TURNED HER OVER TO THE PEOPLE WHO WOULD MURDER HER.

CAN YOU MAYBE NOT?!

HOLY SHIT DEX DOGTECTIVE YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE FUCKING MORON, AREN’T YOU?

No wonder she fuckin stabbed you. I would’ve stabbed you multiple times and made sure you were actually dead before leaving your sorry ass.

Anyway, they stare at each other and Dex is all “uwu ur the only woman I ever loved” and we all know that doesn’t mean bi!Dex because Shinsay can’t think of a their manly man getting dicked down by another man, nu-uh.

Then we finally get the reason Dex did it. You see ...

They had his dad. And threatened to kill him if he didn’t turn Andi in.

Yeah. That old chestnut. It does unfortunately open up all of the plot holes. Like for example, if they knew where Dex was, why didn’t they just ... find him and thus find Andi? They knew she was with him. He was a Guardian at that point, surely they know where their men are stationed? Apparently he’d known Andi for a year when he turned her in, and he hadn’t realized who she was until the general’s men approached him. So ... how did the Patrolmen realize he was with Andi if even he didn’t know it? Or did they just threaten a family member of every Guardian on the off-chance that one of them knew Andi and would give her up to save them?

Maybe there’s something I’m missing, but this smacks of contrivance for the sake of conflict.

Anyway, apparently Dex had tried to give Andi a head start the morning before he turned her in. By giving her a vaguely worded warning that she didn’t get.

What a peach.

They bribed Dex on top of threatening his father, which is like, beating him with the carrot stick, and I don’t understand it at all. But Dex feels very terrible about what he did to teh womaine he wuvs :c and apparently tried to plead with them that she was young and made a mistake.

“Andi,” Dex whispered. “Please. Look at me. Tell me we can move past this. We both made mistakes. We both made our choices, and we’ve had to live with them.”

Seems a little manipulative there, Dexyboy. I’m getting a lot of mixed messages, but the loudest one seems to be “you did a bad and I did a smaller bad that’s justified and I feel kinda bad but also you’re also at fault and can we bone again please” and I’m not into it, Dexyboy.

You wanted her to get away, to give her a head start. You agree that she’s innocent and she made a mistake when she was a child. Yet you blame her for stabbing you and fleeing from certain death? Ok.

I mean, I get it, getting stabbed probably ain’t so fun, especially when it’s the womaine you lurv :c, and sure maybe it hurts both physically and emotionally to have her turn on you so fast and without hesitation ... BUT YOU DID PROVOKE IT BY TURNING HER OVER TO PEOPLE WHO WOULD DEFO 100% MURDER HER ASS. If you love her so much, can’t you extend just a bit of sympathy for her actions? Since you are the reason she did those things in the first place? Fucking dumbass.

Also, why the fuck have you been acting like a huge cocky asshole this whole time since you reunited? For kicks?

I get Shinsay wanted a sexie snarky love interest just like SJMommy but they’ve done it at the cost of consistent characterization.

Andi says that there’s no getting back to how it was and tells Dex to leave so she can cry and carve more tallies into her swords.

It’s very deep, y’all.

#eff reads: zenith

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mayquita · 6 years

Text

Pictures of Reality (13/16)

Merry Christmas everyone!! This week has passed almost without realizing it but we’re already here, with a new chapter of PoR. As always, thank you so much for all your support and for continuing to give this story a chance.

Summary: Emma Swan returns to her birthplace, Storybrooke, in search of a fresh start after a life marked by abandonment and betrayal. After a year there, she finds the stability she needed and also the possibility of learning about one of her passions, photography. Killian Jones, a former British war reporter with a tragic past, establishes himself in the same town as an instructor of photography, following in the footsteps of his best friends, the Nolans. What will happen when their paths cross? Will their common passion for photography help them heal old wounds?

Rating: M (Language, mature themes, implied sex)

Warnings: Alcohol abuse, mentions of the loss of a limb in an armed conflict.

Other ships / Characters: Although, obviously, this is a cs fic, Snowing plays a major role here, mainly David. In fact, the story contains three different points of view, those of Emma, Killian and David. Also, Henry appears in the story as Regina’s adopted son but he is not Emma’s biological son.

Beta: I’d like to express my gratitude, as always, to my beta @jarienn972 I’m aware that you have had to deal with a monster of more than 100k words and English is not my mother tongue, so I value your effort even more.

Artist / art: Go visit @imagnifika’s blog and enjoy her amazing art. The art that accompanies this chapter includes one of Emma's post on her Instagram account. I’ve added it at the end, for reasons...

Art for the prologue/ Art for chapter 1 / Art for chapter 2 and banner / Art for chapter 3/ Art for chapters 4-5 / Art for chapters 6-7/ Art for chapter 8 / Art for chapter 10 / Art for chapter 11 / Art for chapter 12

Special mention to @saraswans , thank you so much for your perpetual support, for believing in me when I doubted myself and for offering ideas to make this story grow.

Don’t forget to go read and enjoy the rest of the amazing csbb stories and art.

Word count: ~ 7800 (116k total in 16 chapters)

Also on (From the beginning): Ao3 / Ffnet (Current Chapter) Ao3 / Ffnet

Tumblr: Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11

What to expect from this chapter? This is one of my favorites. In fact, it includes two of my favorite scenes from the whole story. David is involved in the first one. As for the other one… you’ll have to read it…

CHAPTER 12

My dearest Emma,

You probably would be surprised because today is not your birthday, Christmas or any other special event, but I felt the need to bare my soul and I have not found a better way to do it than through you, my dear daughter.

I may be a fool after so many years apart, but I still hold the almost vain hope that someday these letters, these little confessions in the form of written words will come to you. That's why I will not hesitate to continue writing to you until I exhale my last breath, Emma.

And I need you today, I need to hold on to something stable when my whole world falters and despair threatens to take hold of me, while I feel helpless, unable to protect my loved ones.

I have already talked to you on more than one occasion about Killian and how I have felt guilty several times because my paternal instinct, that which should have been destined to you, was directed instead towards that child who is now a grown man. On the contrary, my desire to protect him has not changed in the least as he grew up. When misfortune seems to prey on him, hit him again and again, my protective instinct grows.

That is why now the feeling of failure is more intense. Killian lost his love yesterday in tragic circumstances and my wife, your mother, lost a great friend. And I was unable not only to prevent it from happening but also I don’t know how can I comfort them, how can I help them when the pain is also consuming me inside.

It is hard to see how the flame of Killian's eyes is slowly disappearing without you being able to do anything to fan it. What can I do, Emma? How can I help my friend? My family?

I desperately hope that wherever you are, your life is full and that you have found happiness. Otherwise, what would be the point that we had spent all these years away from you if we didn’t manage to give you your best chance? I don’t know if I could bear the thought of failing you as well even more than we did when you were born.

As I told you in the rest of the letters, I keep thinking about you every day and I keep fantasizing about the idea that you and we are destined to meet sooner or later. Who knows? Maybe it's not too late for us or for Killian. Maybe one day we get to be a complete family. Until then, my best wishes go to you,

Your father who loves you deeply and who never forgets you,

David.

David Nolan. Storybrooke - March 1, 2018

"Emma, are you inside?" David knocked on the door again, with no response. Still, he didn’t want to give up now that he had come this far. "I've talked to Henry. I know you're home."

After a few more seconds of waiting, the door was still closed and there were no signs of Emma. Maybe she is taking a shower, he thought of a failed attempt to convince himself. Reluctant to leave without at least making one last attempt, he rested his ear against the smooth surface, trying to pick up any sound, however subtle, that told him Emma was indeed there.

Maybe it was his imagination, but he seemed to sense the sound of footsteps on the other side of the door. That was all he needed. "Okay, then." A sigh of resignation escaped his lips. "I would have preferred this conversation to unfold without any barrier between us, but I suppose this is better than nothing."

He placed the box on the floor next to him as he stood in front of the door, his forehead and the palm of his right hand resting on the wooden surface. He swallowed, dragging down the lump in his throat and closed his eyes for a moment, pulling himself together before beginning to speak.

"I... I didn't come here to apologize, nor to excuse any of our acts. I hope... I really hope we have the opportunity to continue this conversation when you feel ready."

David paused, waiting for some reaction from Emma. Still nothing. He pinched the bridge of his nose as the shadow of doubt crossed his mind fleetingly, making him question whether it was really worth continuing or was just a waste of time. He came to the conclusion that, although he didn't get any response from Emma, at least he would be able to expel those thoughts from his system.

"I'd like to talk about Killian today. I'm aware that you're mad at him, I... we understand your reasons. Our behavior was certainly inexcusable and it seems that we make one mistake after another in relation to you."

The grip of guilt and regret had not loosened the pressure on his heart over the years, on the contrary, from time to time it took a swipe at him, causing a bleeding wound difficult to plug. For that reason, he was forcing himself to defend his friend, as a way of putting a bandage on his wounded heart, as a means of atoning for his sins.

"He had no idea of your identity when he started the course. We didn't know you were going to attend either, so I guess it was just a matter of chance that you two crossed paths."

He breathed out on a shaky exhale before continuing, while he hoped to keep his voice stable enough now that the most painful part of his explanation was coming. "We... I took advantage in a certain way when he was at a low and vulnerable moment to ask him for help. Now I see that I should never have put him in that situation. You were our responsibility, not his. He has had that pressure on him, the idea of being a burden for us, of not being enough. I suppose that although, in a selfish way, I thought I was offering him the possibility of feeling useful. How wrong I was..."

David paused again as he pressed back his ear against the door. This time he did hear something, it wasn't his imagination. It was the sound of something or someone slipping down from the smooth surface, as if a person had been leaning against the door and was letting its body slide down. He imitated the position he thought Emma was keeping on the other side of the door and sat on the floor, aiming to be even closer to her.

"Confiding our secret and asking him to help us get to know you were a burden for him, reaching the point that he felt unable to handle the situation and was willing to leave to give us more time to figure out how to tell you the truth."

Once he had started with that exercise of sincerity he could not stop. "Regina told us about your past... Emma, I know I said earlier that I wasn't going to deal with that topic today, but let me tell you just this, I'm so deeply sorry..." David blinked a couple of times, holding back the tears that threatened to fall. "If I had known that you were going through this ordeal we... I don't know, there's no point lamenting now. We... we just were terrified of ruining everything you had achieved here in Storybrooke if we told you the truth."

David was aware that his voice sounded broken but also honest. He expected Emma to at least appreciate that. "It turned out that we ended up doing just that, not only with you, but with Killian." Before continuing, he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Despite the inner struggle that Killian has been carrying these months, I had never seen him as happy as when he was with you. His gaze had regained its vivacity after so many years, so I beg you not to close the door to him for good. I'm certain that you are both meant to be together and I would never forgive myself for having cut off the wings of your future. I know that I'm placing a responsibility on you that you don't deserve but, if you feel the same for him, as I suspect you do, I only ask you to give him at least one chance to explain himself."

He rested the palm of his hand on the door, caressing the surface while he imagined it was his daughter whom he caressed in an attempt to comfort her. "Thanks for listening to me, Emma." He whispered as his gaze fell on the box he had brought. "You may not believe it or even find it insulting, but since I had the opportunity to see you for the first time when you were just a newborn baby, I never stopped thinking of you. You've always been with me, Emma, both in my mind and in my heart. When you open the door you will find proof of my words."

No sound or movement came from the other side of the door. After letting out a deep sigh, David finally got up and started walking away from the door, feeling that with each step he took, he moved further away from his soul, leaving it hidden in a box in the middle of a lonely hallway.

Only when he went outside and was hit by a cold breeze did he realize that his cheeks were wet from the tears that had finally escaped his eyes.

Emma Swan. Storybrooke - March 1, 2018

Emma remained in the same position, sitting on the floor, her back and her head resting against the front door of her apartment for what seemed like hours, as she let the tears fall freely down her cheeks.

By the time she had heard David's voice on the other side of the door, she had felt paralyzed, unable to react at first. Slowly, a wave of mixed feelings had begun to take hold of her. She wasn't prepared to listen to revelations about her origins or to relive her terrible experiences as an orphan. For that reason, she hadn't opened the door, but David's voice had attracted her like a magnet, so she had stayed there all the time, assimilating his words while her heart constricted in her chest.

His voice had given off a raw honesty that Emma had not expected. Even so, her anger had increased when her suspicions were confirmed through David’s words. Killian had been just another victim, who had made wrong decisions, but excusable because of the complex position in which he had found himself.

She could not forgive them, not yet, not when his confession and the little glimpses he had dropped were too painful to ignore.

But she had also been unable to stop her emotions, and after squeezing her eyes closed in an unsuccessful attempt to keep the tears for falling, she had finally given up. At least she had managed to swallow the sob bubbling in the back of her throat, both hands covering her mouth, forcing herself to remain silent.

She waited a few more minutes, terrified at the thought of opening the door and finding that David was still there. When she thought that more than enough time had passed for him to leave, she finally got up, but before opening the door, she looked through the peephole to make sure that the hall was empty.

There was something on the landing when she finally dared to open the door, a cardboard box, its size a little larger than a shoe box, with an inscription written in an elegant cursive on the lid of the box: Letters to Emma from her father, 1989-2018.

Quickly, she grabbed the box, feeling its touch on the tips of her fingers as if it burned, and went to her bedroom, putting it in the most hidden corner of her closet, while her heart pounded in her chest, warm tears gliding again down her cheeks.

She did not feel strong enough to deal with the content of those letters. She wasn't even sure that she would ever be able to do it.

There was something she was sure of though. She needed Killian, she missed him terribly, and after his friend's confession, her willingness to listen to his own explanations had increased. But before, she needed to sleep, that rollercoaster of emotions that she was experiencing since last Monday was taking a toll on her, leaving her so exhausted that she felt like her brain was unable to properly process everything that was happening.

Killian Jones. Storybrooke - March 3, 2018

The nerves gripped Killian's stomach as he rubbed the palm of his hand on his pants to wipe the sweat. He was there, in front of Emma's apartment trying to gain enough confidence to knock on the door. David’s experience in this same place two days ago made him hesitant, despite how he longed to see her again and only this small barrier separated them physically.

David hadn't offered him any details of his unexpected visit to Emma's apartment, only that Emma hadn't opened the door to him even though he was certain that she had been home at that moment.

Killian had also learned for the first time the existence of the letters that David had written to Emma throughout her life. His heart ached for his friend. He could not even imagine the suffering he had carried all these years, so he hoped that those letters would have an effect on Emma, if only to give them the opportunity to explain themselves.

But he would have to leave those worries for another time. Right now, he had to carry out his own mission. His jaw clenched, a sharp intake of breath coming through his teeth before he finally decided to knock on the door.

To his surprise, Emma opened the door before he even had time to process it. Suddenly, he found himself face to face with her and all rational thought vanished from his mind, while his throat closed preventing him from making any sound.

"Hi." Her lips drew an awkward smile, but at least her expression was softer than the last time he had seen her. While she watched him, a thin crease appeared between her brows. "You look horrible."

"Hey." A sound that seemed like a croak escaped his lips. He cleared his throat, hoping to get his voice back as he reached out to scratch behind his ear. "I can't say the same about you, Swan. You look beautiful, as always."

He wasn't lying. Her hair was pulled back in a sloppy braid falling over her right shoulder, her face was fresh, no trace of makeup, and although he could detect a slight reddish hue around her eyes, the green of her gaze was as intense as ever. The soft pink blush that appeared on her cheeks after hearing his words only caused her natural beauty to increase.

His surprise grew when she, far from looking defensive or cautious, stepped aside while offering him a shy smile. "Come in."

The corners of his lips rose slightly in an attempt at a smile as he passed by her side and entered her apartment with somewhat hesitant steps. Emma's attitude had caught him completely off guard. Instead of her being belligerent or distant, he had met a cordial Emma who at least seemed willing to listen to him.

"Would you like something to drink? Coffee? Tea? Something stronger?" She asked as she made her way to the kitchen.

"A tea would be fine. Thank you, love." While waiting for Emma to return, Killian took off his jacket and placed it on the rack next to the door, then went to the couch where he sat on the edge of the seat, feeling the nerves gripping his stomach with even more pressure.

Emma returned a few minutes later, holding two steaming cups in her hands. She handed one of them to Killian before sitting on the other side of the couch, keeping a proper distance between them, but her torso turned slightly toward him as she held the cup of what he thought was hot chocolate with both hands.

An awkward silence fell over them while they pretended to be very busy with their respective drinks. A weird thought crossed his mind then, as he watched Emma hold the steaming cup in her hands. His gaze shifted to his prosthesis while he thought of the advantage of the absence of touch there. No matter how hot his cup was, he could always use his prosthesis to hold it, thus protecting his only hand from possible burns.

"Your friend David came here two days ago." Emma's voice broke the silence, freeing him from those weird thoughts.

"Aye, he told me." He nodded in a tentative motion, not quite sure that he liked the way their conversation had just started.

"Did he also tell you that he talked to me through the door? It was more like a monologue, as I guess you have already figured out." Emma's face remained impassive, though Killian detected a subtle hint of bitterness in her words. He suspected that the mention of David was intentional. Maybe it was her way of telling him that she knew some details in advance before he had to explain himself? And why wouldn't David have told him anything about that conversation — or rather monologue?

"No, I didn't know." He admitted. "He just told me that he gave you the letters he's been writing to you since you were born..."

"I don't want to talk about that right now." Emma cut him off abruptly. Killian was aware he had taken the wrong step when a stormy shadow crossed her gaze, darkening her features.

Again the silence fell over them, while they finished their drinks and left the empty cups on the coffee table. Emma pressed her lips together in a thin line as she rubbed her forehead with one hand. Then, she raised her gaze, looking for his. "What did you come for, Killian?" She asked through a whisper.

The moment of truth has come, Killian thought as he took a deep breath in an attempt to gain enough self-confidence to bare his soul once more in front of her.

"I didn't have the opportunity to explain myself the other day, you know... I've come to ask you to allow me to offer my explanation of everything that has happened. I only ask you to listen to me, Swan." Killian's eyes bored into hers, while he held his breath, waiting for her reaction.

Emma held his gaze for a few seconds, her lashes fluttering against her cheeks as she assessed his request. Killian detected an almost imperceptible nod of her head, as if she were trying to convince herself. After taking a deep breath, she finally agreed. "Okay, I'm listening."

That was the only sign Killian needed to finally open his heart and let go of all the worries that had plagued him in the last few months.

He told her about the first time he was aware that his friends had kept a secret from him from the beginning. The memory of that hungover morning after the anniversary of his brother's death and his confrontation with David still felt like a fresh wound.

Emma had been his confidant at that time, so nothing he was telling her was new to her. Still, she listened intently, her gaze never leaving his. She was also aware of the state in which he had found himself before knowing the truth, with that oppressive need to compensate his friends for everything they had done for him over the years, to feel useful in some way and not a total failure.

Before continuing, he swallowed hard in an attempt to drag down the lump that was forming in his throat. Then, he revealed to her how his friends had finally trusted him enough to share their secret with him. He saved for himself all the details of the unfortunate experiences of David and Mary Margaret as it was evident that Emma wasn't yet ready to face those revelations. Even so, he could detect a shadow of hurt crossing her gaze.

If he hadn't known the existence of that secret, it would have been unimaginable for him to think that his friends had gone through such a traumatic experience. They had always been his rock, his support. They had always offered him hope when he only saw a dark void in front of him.

"They only revealed your identity once they finished telling me their secret, when they explained to me the reasons why they needed my help."

Killian noticed how Emma shifted uncomfortably in her seat, while she averted her eyes. He would have given anything to find a way to spare her suffering, but sadly there was not, so he had no choice but to continue.

"It was a shock to me, Emma, since I had already begun to develop feelings for you and, what's worse, you even had dropped some glimpses of your past. It was hard to learn some of those details from them instead of from yourself. It was as if, with that revelation, they had taken part of our history together." Emma's features hardened, as her gaze met his again. She remained silent, though.

"Maybe you don't believe it, but I think I've never felt so pressured in my whole life with the feeling that, whatever I did, I was already condemned. From the moment I knew the truth, regardless of whether they had asked me for help or not, I was destined to fail, either to them or to you, as it ended up happening." The last words were accompanied by a bitterness that he could almost feel on the tip of his tongue. Although he had tried to stay calm throughout his confession, he was about to break, so he felt the need to pause to try to gather his thoughts and pull himself together.

Emma took that pause as an opportunity to intervene. "Do you realize that they took advantage of you? That they used the moment of vulnerability you were going through to ask you a favor that you weren't going to be able to refuse?" The way she addressed him, with a mixture of resentment towards his friends but also with a determination to protect him, did something with his insides, his mixed feelings colliding once more.

He let out a deep exhale. She was right, but it wasn't that simple. "Aye, but they were in a desperate situation."

Emma huffed, throwing her hands in the air in exasperation. "Why? Why didn't they just tell me?"

She didn't wait for an answer. Now that she had finally decided to express herself, she continued speaking in a voice that, although controlled, showed glimpses of the endless feelings that she had been accumulating in recent days. "He, David, told me that they were afraid of my reaction given my past, that they didn't want to ruin what I had achieved here in Storybrooke, but what they got by acting that way is much worse."

"Emma..." He longed to reach her, to ease her pain somehow. He acted instinctively, reaching out and placing his hand over hers, the touch with her warm skin burning through his veins towards his heart. She didn't reject his touch, just stared at their joined hands until, with a move of her hand, she entwined her fingers with his.

Her gaze sought his again, the corners of her lips twitching into a tiny smile. That was all he needed to continue. "We made a terrible mistake, I'm aware, but I was the one who made the decision to help them, after all. They didn't force me." His voice trailed off for a moment, but he needed to bare his soul even more. "I can't even express in words how deeply sorry I am for all the suffering we've put you through." He was aware that he was wearing his heart on his sleeve, exposing himself to her with raw honesty.

"The day you introduced them to me... that was part of the plan, wasn't it?" She asked with a tiny voice.

He simply nodded, his lips pressed together as a new wave of shame swirled in his gut.

"The day of the snow was also a setup, and the party after..." She did not ask but confirmed to herself what she already suspected in advance. Although Emma squeezed her eyes shut stubbornly for a few seconds, she could not help a single tear sliding down her cheek.

He had never wanted anything so much in his entire life as he wished he had two hands at that precise moment, because he wasn't willing to let go of her hand, but the need to wipe away her tears was so compelling that he acted instinctively again, reaching out with his prosthesis and brushing the skin of her cheek with a light-feather touch. The way she leaned her head accepting his touch, caused his heart to swell with admiration towards her.

"Those were my only interventions. You got along with them right away. Everything else went smoothly." He admitted, while squeezing her hand lightly.

"And what about your sudden changes of attitude, like the day I confessed about Neal and Walsh?" There was no recrimination in her voice, he could only detect a hint of genuine curiosity, as if she needed to know and assimilate everything that had happened in the last few months.

He let out a humorless laugh. "It turns out that I'm a terrible actor and I couldn't pretend. Every time I looked you in the eyes and remembered the secret that I kept inside me, it was as if a force pulled me, almost leading me to confess." The memory of that day came to his mind in flashes. "And regarding that day, I felt terribly ashamed, a fraud. I was acting with you in the same way that those two guys did." He looked away, feeling a wave of revulsion creep up his throat.

"Killian..." This time it was she who squeezed his hand. "Killian, look at me." She urged in a soft but firm voice. Although hesitant, he agreed, trying to seek refuge in the intensity of her green eyes. "Don't you ever dare to compare yourself to those two assholes. You were always at my side, trying to protect me in some way, worried about my feelings. So no, it's not the same." Emma said with such determination that he had to invoke all his self-control to avoid pulling her towards him and kissing her senseless right there.

His mind then traveled to the crucial moment, the day when everything had ended up exploding. He felt the need to explain the reasons for his failed attempt to travel to London. "I wasn't leaving you, Swan." He assured. "But it was clear that I wasn't able to handle the situation and on my birthday when I saw you there, in my apartment, sharing a moment as a happy family... I simply couldn't resist it."

"Regina told me that you canceled the flights when I left for work."

"Aye. It was a stupid decision that was only going to cause more damage than had already been inflicted." He averted his eyes, unable to hold her gaze.

"Well, that stupid decision got us here, and although this week has been downright awful, look at me and you, finally having a sincere conversation."

"If you put it that way..." He admitted, casting a sidelong glance at her and catching a soft smile on her face.

They fell silent for the next few seconds, Killian gently stroking her hand while he kept lost in thought, wondering where this conversation left them from now on. Emma's firm voice brought him back to reality. "There can be no more lies or secrets between us if we want this to work, Killian. I mean it."

Killian's eyes snapped back to her face. "You do?" He mumbled, still in awe at the possibility that Emma could forgive him just like that.

"You don't?" She challenged, a special glint in her eyes.

"Aye, with all my heart, Emma." He assured as he finally released her hand and reached out to stroke her cheek, his heart hammering in his chest.

Both held their eyes for a few seconds, her bottom lip catching between her teeth, while she kept a thoughtful expression. "I..." She licked her lips as she lowered her head before continuing. "I also wanted to apologize for everything I told you the other day. I'm aware that my words might have hurt you."

"Emma... no." His hand traveled to her chin, his thumb brushing gently at her dimple as he pushed lightly to force her to lift her head. "You have nothing to apologize for. I deserved each and every one of the words that you addressed to me."

They rested their foreheads together while Killian closed his eyes and let himself be enveloped by the sensations, her warm breath caressing his face while her intoxicating scent penetrated his nostrils causing his head to spin. "Gods, Emma. I want to kiss you so desperately." He breathed out, unable to avoid a hint of urgency in his voice.

"There's nothing stopping you, Killian." She whispered, her lips only a few inches away from his.

Killian shortened the distance between them until their lips finally met and everything around them vanished. At the moment when the longed-for kiss began he was absolutely certain that, just as he had set himself as a New Year's resolution, he was never going to stop kissing this woman.

But now, without any secret lurking, without any lie between them that clouded his thoughts, the sensations were even more intense. Her lips seemed softer, her scent sweeter, her taste even more exquisite.

After that first soft and tentative kiss, he ran his tongue along her bottom lip to seek entrance. Her lips parted slightly offering him the invitation he needed. When their tongues began to dance together, he felt electric shocks of pleasure up his spine and down to his toes.

Feeling Emma's lips against his again was as if he had found an oasis in the middle of the desert. He devoured her mouth while she moaned against his own, angling her head to allow him deeper as he pushed himself against her.

They continued kissing, alternating languid kisses with others full of passion, for what seemed like hours. At some point, Emma ended up straddling his lap, her mouth sliding down his neck, her tongue leaving a wet trail in its wake as it traveled back up looking for his mouth.

He was so intoxicated by the sensations, lost in a sea of lust and bliss that he didn't even realize at the beginning that the sensual movements she had initiated had a clear purpose. Slowly, his mind cleared enough to break the kiss, and look for her gaze as he tried to catch his breath.

"Emma, love, what are we doing?" Killian asked, his voice raspy.

"What do you think we're doing, Killian?" She arched an eyebrow suggestively.

"But..." He was unable to prevent a groan from sliding between his lips, when the deliberate movements of her hips became more intense causing a delicious and at the same time tortuous friction against his arousal.

"Emma..." He tried again, his voice sounding still hoarse. "We... we just... we never... we just made peace." He trailed off in a breathy moan.

"Have you never heard of make up sex?" She asked before catching the lobe of his ear between her teeth, earning another groan on his part.

"But it would be our first time..." He alleged weakly. Something was definitely not working well in his brain.

"So..." She shrugged. "It will be a first time-make up sort of sex, then." Her brow furrowed slightly, as she searched his gaze. "You want this, don't you, Killian?"

He saw it clear then, the faint hint of vulnerability in her voice, her expression of ill-concealed frustration. He remembered all the times he had rejected her in a certain way during the last months. The mere thought of having his way with her when there was that secret beating between them was too repulsive. But now, there was nothing to prevent further progress in their relationship and yet he was still impeding her advances.

"Of course I do. I want it so badly that it hurts, literally." He directed a look full of intention to his crotch.

"So..."

Killian took a deep breath, locking her eyes with his, his hand tracing delicate patterns on the patch of skin exposed under the hem of her shirt.

"I wouldn't like this to be just a way to release the tension accumulated during this week. I don't want you to regret the next morning, darling."

"I won't." She stated categorically.

"You can't know that, love." He almost implored, desperate to do things right this time.

"Do you trust me, Killian?" He simply nodded. "I want to have sex with you and I promise I'll be here the next morning."

"Well, since we're in your own apartment..." Killian arched a brow playfully. The tension that he had felt, slowly fading away.

For all answer, she captured his lips again with hers as her hands began their exploratory path under his shirt. They continued kissing and caressing for a while until the pressure he felt was almost unbearable. He pushed himself up while holding Emma, who wrapped her legs around his waist.

"What are you doing?" She murmured against his lips.

"I don't want our first time-make up sort of sex to take place on a bloody couch." He growled as he started walking towards her bedroom. The giggle that escaped her lips sounded like music to his ears.

She did not make his way easy, causing him to almost stumble, too distracted by the sensations, her demanding mouth never leaving his, one hand gently pulling at his hair, while with the other one she clung to him for dear life.

Once in her bedroom, he forced himself not to be blinded by the passion of the moment and took things more calmly.

He had come to her apartment with the sole purpose of apologizing and being honest with Emma. Not even in his wildest dreams could he have imagined that the night would have ended just like that, with her vibrating in his arms in anticipation of what was about to happen. Despite the unexpectedness of the situation, that did not mean they could not make that first night together something special and unforgettable.

Killian lowered Emma until her feet touched the floor, both facing each other, their bodies only separated by a few inches. He allowed himself a few moments to observe her carefully, reveling in the effect their activities were having on her.

Her swollen and slightly parted lips were a perpetual invitation to be kissed. Some strands of her hair had escaped from her braid, framing her perfect face. Her cheeks were colored a soft pink halo, betraying her level of arousal. There was a fire in her gaze that made his blood run hot.

They began to undress each other in slow motion, without urgency, his gaze never leaving hers. A gasp escaped his lips when his eyes finally settled on her delectable, creamy skin, his fingers tingling, longing to brush against her perfect curves.

There was only a moment of hesitation when she laid her hand on his prosthesis, asking him, without needing to speak if he wanted to take it off. He shook his head slightly as his lips drawing a weak smile. He was not ready yet.

"I... I haven't remained celibate after losing my hand, but with all those one-night stands I never felt the desire to take off my prosthesis." He tried to explain himself.

"But I'm not one of your one-night stands..."

You're everything. The words died on the tip of his tongue before leaving his lips. Instead, he offered a soft smile. "Aye, I'm well aware of that, or at least I hope so. Let's say this is a promise of a future. The next time I won't need the prosthesis to be with you."

"Good." She nodded almost imperceptibly and continued with her task of undressing him.

"You're so beautiful, Emma." He rasped, while reaching out his hand to caress her exposed skin.

She closed her eyes at his touch, while she bit her lower lip in a failed attempt to suppress a moan. "You're not so bad yourself." She breathed out, opening her eyes again.

He couldn't resist it anymore. Cradling the back of her head with his hand, he settled the prosthesis at the small of her back, his lips finding hers again. He pushed her gently to the bed, getting her to lie on the sheets, his mouth never leaving hers as he covered her body with his.

"You can't imagine how much I've wanted to do this for the past few weeks. It's been torture, love. But I just couldn't, not like that." He mumbled before forcing himself to put his mouth to better use, traveling from her neck to her collarbone and back to her mouth, his tongue leaving a wet trail in its wake.

"I guess you had your punishment, cold showers, manual jobs and all that." Killian raised his head, his eyes searching for hers, finding a playful glint in her gaze as she bit her lower lip in that way that drove him crazy. He was amazed at the lightness with which she was taking everything that had happened to the point of even joking about the situation.

His skin hummed, feeling her body vibrating beneath his. He needed more, but before continuing, he needed to be sure that they were in this together.

"Tell me what you need, Emma."

"You. Only you."

"You have me." He assured, willing to demonstrate with his actions the devotion he felt for her, worshiping her body the way she deserved.

His mouth and hand began to explore her body in search of those places that would make her melt. The delicious sounds that escaped from her mouth and the way her body reacted to his touch caused his heart to flutter with satisfaction. He acted like a thirsty man who had just found a stream of crystal clear water. His thirst was only satiated at the moment in which she came undone by his ministrations.

He watched her features intently, her eyes still closed, her breathing shaken, a sated smile gracing her lips and causing his chest to swell with pride, as he wondered what he had done to deserve such a blessing in his life.

Waiting for her to come down from her high, he lay beside her, his fingers drawing delicate patterns on her bare stomach. He noticed she was catching her breath slowly until finally, she opened her eyes, a wicked grin adorning her lips. "I think it's my turn now." She muttered as her hand traveled south, until her fingers closed around him, causing a sharp intake of breath coming through his teeth.

She took the reins then, so he had no choice but to surrender to her, and follow her path.

After so many years of one-night stands, he wasn't used to that level of intimacy that could be overwhelming in some way. But he was completely consumed by her and by the power she had to make him shake only with the most subtle brush of her lips on his skin as the fire in her eyes made his blood run hot, his mind clouded by pure bliss and lust.

They ended up emulating the previous position on the couch, she straddling his lap while he rested his back on the headboard of the bed, their bodies almost fused with each other. If he was surprised by her choice of position, he didn't have time to express it out loud. The moment their bodies joined and began the first of — he hoped —many dances together, all rational thought left him. She had managed to bewitch him in such a way that he was now under her mercy. She was going to be the death of him - but what a sweet way to die it would be.

Emma Swan. Storybrooke - March 4, 2018

The first thing Emma noticed when she opened her eyes was the familiar feeling of an empty space beside her. Her brain still dragged the vestiges of the sleep, making her doubt if what had happened the night before had been nothing more than a sweet dream from which she had just awakened.

No, she still felt sore in the right places, noticing a slight burn on her skin while the sated sensation lingered in her system. Still, she couldn't help a wave of disappointment washed over her. She had imagined a warm body wrapping her when she woke up. Instead, she found the other side of the bed empty and cold under her touch.

"Good morning, love." Her body shuddered at the sound of Killian's voice coming from the other side of the bedroom. She remembered then that at some point in the night she had removed her contacts and now, when she rolled on her side, following the direction of the sound, she only found a blurred figure sitting in her armchair.

“See? I'm still here." She jocked, her voice slightly husky, as a reminder of her veiled promise from the night before. "Are you stalking me?" She added as she reached out a hand and fumbled blindly for her glasses on the bedside table.

He chuckled. It was a beautiful sound, something rare in the last weeks but that she hoped to hear very often from now on. "On the contrary, Swan. I was simply watching your sleep."

Much better, she thought as she put on her glasses, getting the vision she needed to see Killian in all his glory. She swallowed hard, the image of him sitting there wearing only his underpants and holding her camera causing a tug of desire settling into her gut.

"With my camera? That's sort of creepy." She teased, using a weird way to show her curiosity. In her defense, her brain wasn't functioning properly yet.

He rolled his eyes, smirking at her. Her heart fluttered in her chest as she observed his relaxed features, not a trace of tension in his body. He just seemed happy.

"I woke up early. I had never seen the sunrise from this corner of the town so, since I didn't bring my camera with me, I borrowed yours and took a few pictures from your window."

As he spoke, he got up, approaching the bed, still holding the camera in his hand. "And now I was just waiting for you to wake up and ask you to pose for me. The light is wonderful, here, Swan."

"Really? You want me to act as a model? Are you aware that I just woke up, I wear glasses and my hair is a mess?"

"Nonsense." Killian cut her off with a dismissive wave of his hand. "That light has a fabulous effect on your skin and your eyes, and you always look beautiful, love."

She wasn't going to deny it, she had a weakness for the way he always praised her and for his passion for photography, causing her admiration for him to grow at times. After letting out an exaggerated sigh, she agreed, posing for him for the next few minutes, feeling like a model under the scrutiny of the camera.

"Are you happy now? Come back to bed, it's still early." She sued once the photo session ended.

“As you wish.” To her delight, he complied quickly, leaving the camera on the nightstand and crawling into bed, wrapping his arms around her.

The sensation of his body against hers brought to her memory their previous activities, causing a new wave of desire to take over her. She caught his mouth with hers and allowed herself to immerse in the incredible sensation of being kissed by such a skilled mouth. She could spend hours just like that, sharing languid kisses as Killian's arms cradled her.

"Any plan for today?" She managed to ask, her lips barely leaving his.

"In fact, I do." He admitted as he parted from her slightly, while scratching behind his ear, his cheeks flushed. "It's Sunday, remember?" The way he addressed her, in a soft voice and a tentative attitude, made her stomach tighten into knots. "I have lunch with... David and Mary Margaret."

"Oh." Suddenly, everything she had experienced throughout the week came to her memory, hitting her hard. She had managed to forget all those worries for a few hours of pure joy, but reality fell on her again.

"I can cancel it. They'll understand." Killian offered, clearly worried about her reaction.

"No." As much as everything about the Nolans still hurt, if she was willing to let her relationship with Killian prosper, and she really was, she must learn to accept the important role they played in her boyfriend's life. "I haven't yet forgiven them and I may never get to do it, but they're your friends, your family, Killian. I'll do my best to not interfere with your relationship with them."

Killian nodded and stared at her for a few seconds, that special glint in his eyes causing the butterflies in her stomach to flutter furiously. "We still have many hours ahead of us, Swan. What do you think if we make them worth it?" He offered, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Before she could answer, though, he added, "Just for the record. They may be my family, but you are, at least I hope you are, my future, Emma."

The emotion she felt at that moment was so intense that her throat closed, preventing her from forming any sound. Instead, she demonstrated how she felt with actions, pulling him towards her and capturing his lips, hoping to convey with that kiss how grateful she felt for that promise he just had offered, to which she was going to cling with all her strength.

TheLadySwan I know, I know. This is not a food photo account. But sometimes a plate of pancakes is much more than a simple food. Sometimes it means the beginning of a promising day, or a moment shared with that special person. Or sometimes it's just pancakes, a sweet and fluffy breakfast that will put a smile on your face :)

KJones This is a message from that special person (I hope), I'm looking forward to sharing more pancakes with you, in every way ;)

Thanks for reading. As you may have noticed, I'm not a smut writer, but I tried, sort of... Also, I just couldn't leave them separated for much longer. Let me know what did you all think :)

What to expect from the next chapter? If I'm not mistaken, I think the next chapter is the shortest in the whole story. We'll see how the relationship between Emma and Killian develops now that there is no longer any secret between them. Besides, will Emma be able to forgive The Nolans eventually?

#cs ff #cs au #csbb #captain swan #captain swan ff #pictures of reality #mayquita writes #my cs writings #csbb 2018 #cs au ff

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qqueenofhades · 6 years

Note

Oh dear 😅 Okay so basically part one was me saying how someone was complaining that Maria's whole character was how perfect she was and how they were upset that we didn't get to know her better, and I said that's kind of the entire point? Especially because Frank even said to David that he only remembers good things, and then part three was me saying that while this is yes the trope of women being used for male development, because it's Frank, the application of this trope is a good one

(part 2) his memories are always of her loving him. we don’t get to know who Maria truly is because we were robbed of that, just like he was. We only see her as how Frank remembers her, and of COURSE she’s gonna be perfect and loving because that’s what frank is choosing to remember (and like what a beautiful thing to be remembered as??)

(part 4) and of course he is going to imagine her as beautiful and perfect and he’s going to keep that memory untouched by his reality because he sees who he has become. I am not going into detail about his children, but I of course recognize that they were also taken from him too, but someone was specifically complaining about Maria’s character and i felt like they missed the whole point? Idk what are your thoughts on this/might you be able to put what i’m trying to say into better words 😂

Well, as noted, I only got two parts of this ask (glares at Tumblr) and despite your many and valiant efforts, parts 1 and 3 never came through on any of your attempts. You have the patience of a saint, so bless you.

(It turns out I have a lot to say on this topic, so brace yourselves?)

By definition, the “dead wife” trope is going to involve some of this, since it’s still totally standard practice to kill off a woman (mother/daughter/wife, but usually wife) to explain a male character’s motivation, and usually to induce us to support him on his vengeance quest. Most of my trash male favorites have or had a dead wife/similar romantic partner at some point, and a lot of the narrative’s success at convincing us that this is a sympathetic character, regardless of the other violent/angsty/anti-heroic things that he does, rests on selling to us that he truly loved his wife (and vice versa, though we also have the Surprise Evil Now Not Dead Wife glares very very hard at Timeless) and it was a travesty that she was taken from him in an unfair way by people much more evil than him. Since Frank’s entire initial character motivation, for much of his to-date appearance in the modern MCU, rests on getting vengeance (often in spectacular and bloody fashion) for the people who killed his wife and kids, in some sense, yes, that emotional thread is necessary. If we’re going to be like “yeah Frank, shank eight more mobsters!” and continue to see him as someone for whom we have an investment in the positive outcome of his story, he needs to be, in some sense, doing the right thing, however badly or violently. And yes, the Dead Wife and Dead Mother trope for protagonists just… happen a lot. Everywhere.

Next, while fandom is in often many cases predominantly female, it still has a lot, a lot, of internalized misogyny to deal with. Dead wives are viewed suspiciously and as possible obstacles to ships, especially when her widower has moved on to a new canon/onscreen relationship with someone else. By virtue of seeing it develop, viewers are more invested in this one, and when dead wives return for whatever reason, she is often implicitly or explicitly used for ship drama with the current couple (glares at Timeless again). This sets her up to be disliked from the start, since we all know shippers aren’t really the most rational creatures in the world at all times and are eager to look for/invent reasons to dislike a character being outright used to keep their OTP apart. If for some reason Maria DID return to life (not at all likely, if not out of the question in the MCU) I can imagine that she would probably, unfortunately, receive some of the same treatment. This happened a lot in the OUAT fandom, where shippers relentlessly villainized a male character’s past/dead love interest (in this case, Milah, for Captain Hook) because it was somehow felt necessary to make the current ship (CS) more valid if the previous one was discounted. Milah was a complicated character and not one that I particularly personally was invested in, but yeah, we know complicated women get turned into “bitch” or “ship obstacle” PDQ. Here, again, I am obliged to glare at Timeless a third time. And when she and Emma met in canon, it was respectful, they both worked together to save the man they loved, and then Milah got fridged AGAIN, which was pretty rage-inducing even if you didn’t like her all that much. Also, the OUAT fandom was extremely tribal in the shipping regard as it was, so yes.

Now, with the overall commentary on Dead Wives out of the way, onto Maria. As you note, and Frank himself notes, he is an extremely unreliable narrator when it comes to Maria. What we know about her canonically/outside his dreams/nightmare about her is the following:

She was Italian Catholic (probably like him) since her grandmother came over from Sicily, and a good cook;

She met Frank in a park by telling him to play a better song;

She got pregnant with Lisa three months into their relationship and told Frank that he could leave if he wanted, but she was keeping the baby, and instead Frank proposed to her that day;

Frank was absent for the birth of at least one and probably both of their children (“we serve 15-month tours in Afghanistan… you leave, you’ve got a pregnant wife, you come back, the kid’s walking”);

By Frank’s own admission, he sometimes preferred to be overseas with his unit rather than at home with her and the kids, which is probably not a reflection on how happy their relationship was, but the fact that Frank really flat-out enjoys being a soldier and indeed, killing;

Maria could probably be very jealous at times and had a hot temper (as Frank tells Karen in the diner scene in DD 2x11, she could be vicious and put him through the wringer emotionally)

She was close to Billy and viewed him as part of their family;

Frank’s last memory of her is her coming to wake him up on the morning after he returned from his last deployment, which is also the day that she and the kids were killed, because they went to the carousel later and were shot. That is the memory that keeps playing in his nightmares/increasingly deteriorates, with him witnessing her being shot in their bedroom and then by himself (which is of course not what happened).

The one time that memory continues on past her just waking him up, in TP 1x12 when Frank is being tortured by Orange, it’s clear that their relationship has suffered from Frank’s long absences and preference to be overseas/at war, and Maria asks him point-blank where home is, says he’s here but not really here, and wants to know if he is yet again going to be mentally somewhere else.

Anyway, all of that points to the fact that Maria was probably a complex human woman, like most women are, and had mixed feelings about her husband’s addiction to war and violence, even as he was by all accounts a good and loving husband to her and father to their children. Frank himself clearly states that he feels guilty about not paying more attention to them while they were alive, so of course, yes, he has valorised their memory and put them on a pedestal and made them the all-consuming reason for his vengeance. I’d say that part of his motive is to keep punishing himself, as well as the actual killers, over his guilt and regret about what he lost with them – some of it unavoidably, and some of it by his own choices. As he indeed says to David, their relationship was not perfect, because no one’s is, but now he only remembers the nice/good/beautiful parts of it. Which is a fairly understandable response to losing a loved one, especially in a horrific/traumatic way like he did.

And yes, exactly, the tragedy is that we DON’T get to know Maria outside Frank’s highly idealised and increasingly fantasised memories of her. She is dead, and he continues to struggle over and over with that fact, even as there is an awareness that he is starting to move on. He already compared how he feels about another woman (Karen) to how David feels about Sarah (his living/current wife). In some sense, Frank has started to/to some degree already fallen in love with someone else, and the entire end of S1 was him coming to terms with his trauma in some part, having to let Maria go (“come home, Frank” / “I am home”) and figuring out how his life looks now. But he clearly loved her very much, she loved him the same, and he’s willing to burn down the world for her and for their children, so we certainly can’t say that she was anything less than someone he loved with his whole heart and soul and had built a life and family with, with all the problems that go with that. And that should definitely be defended.

#maria castle #frank x maria #anonymous #ask

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onwesterlywinds · 6 years

Text

Okay! 4.5 thoughts under the cut, with spoilers for MSQ and Return to Ivalice.

MSQ:

I was telling people before the patch that I was convinced Zalera was going to show up. Well, he did show up, albeit in the exact opposite place I was expecting.

Molly had to stop as soon as Emet-Selch was namedropped because I couldn’t remember which of XII’s Espers it corresponded to*. I pulled up my XII chart, saw that Emet-Selch was created to oppose the Angel of Death, and just went “Oh no. We’re all gonna die.”

*Obligatory disclaimer that XII’S SCIONS AND THE ASCIANS AREN’T LINKED BY ANYTHING OTHER THAN NAMES, THERE ARE ONLY SUPERFICIAL INSIGHTS TO BE HAD FROM XII LORE, et cetera.

An oft-repeated line: “LET ALISAIE SAY FUCK.” God, she had so many good moments in this patch.

I’m surprised at some of how the “Shadowhunter” reveal was handled, but not necessarily displeased! Even if Hien’s awkward “Welp!” after the guy gets back on his ship is the biggest mood.

It happened so fast, or so it seems... then again, I would have hated for it to be treated as some exceptionally dramatic moment when we already knew who he was, like the Griffin.

I just love that we meet him, and then he fucks off, and THEN Varis lays out his entire Ascian-fueled rant. Like, it would have been nice to have Gaius at least nearby.

The negotiation scene was awesome.

Re: the absolutely fascist language from Varis - I know a lot of people said they felt sick when he started going off about his “one perfect race” and that’s totally fair and valid. Yet from a narrative standpoint, laying out that goal and everything it represents (and all the real-world baggage that comes with it) means that there’s no longer any room for the Warrior of Light and XIV’s main cast to sympathize with the Empire. I’ve always wondered how XIV’s story team would balance presenting a multifaceted antagonistic force without handwaving away the atrocities that come with any imperial presence, and... this. This is it.

That’s not to say there aren’t still past cruelties that NEED to be addressed for any real moral clarity, especially where Gaius’s reintroduction is concerned. But it’s a great start to show that we as the Warrior of Light cannot and should not show any hesitation about tearing down everything Varis represents and stands for.

Also, as a bit of a tangent, because I’m sort of stream-of-consciousness shouting (scream-of-consciousness, if you will) - I’ve done some introspection as to how I examine “moral” themes in this game and other media, after a couple conversations over the past few months. Ultimately, I dig deep into what XIV has to say about themes like imperialism and justice and equality because I know that this game has positive and meaningful messages about those themes. I’ve seen when they get it right, and I’ve seen how much it matters to myself and others when they do - and when they don’t. I don’t expect all of the media I consume to be ideologically pure, nor do I expect this game to tell every story flawlessly, and I accept that people will have different tastes as to how stories are told. But for my part, I’m going to keep laying out why the storytelling in this game matters, because I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t love XIV.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT, SQUARE. WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

RETURN TO IVALICE:

HAIL ULTIMA.

H A I L U L T I M A.

It’s hard to pin down a single favorite thing about that arc, but Ultima might have been among the most memorable parts for me.

“I am Ivalice!” Like. Yooo.

She isn’t totally wrong, though.

VIERA ARE CANONICALLY QUEER ICONS AND I COULDN’T BE HAPPIER.

I didn’t get many screens of this unrevisitable lore, but the Matsuno-dramaturge himself says that viera gender isn’t distinct until age thirteen or so, and that viera choose romantic partners based on “closeness of the soul.”

Yasumi Matsuno, the absolute madman.

So like... Fran was interesting. To paraphrase the Matsuno-dramaturge later on, “I have no idea what to say, and I use words for a living.”

She’s absolutely a departure from her XII counterpart. In fact, I’d say that this Fran was more of a change from the original even than Ramza Lexentale and Ramza Beoulve. XII Fran is passive-aggressive almost to a fault; she doesn’t speak in riddles, per se, but she definitely doesn’t share her thoughts freely.

XIV Fran is almost the exact opposite.

And she’s everything I’ve wanted from Stormblood since the end of 4.0.

Seriously. Calling out the Warrior of Light for living comfortably alongside Garlean nobility, calling out THE EAST ALDENARD TRADING COMPANY for actively profiting off of people’s misery, being fiercely protective of her people and her traditions and her way of life... I love.

I cried when I saw Mustadio. And I cried harder for Agrias. I was just resigned to my fate by the time I got to Orlandeau.

I loved the ending of the raid because it carried on that trend of “the forgotten man” being given a voice - and now, those who hear the story are just as important as Ramza, if not more so! It felt like such a great nod not just to Ivalice, but to its fans. So of course I cried.

I also cried when they played “Staff Credits” because that one gets to me every time.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SCENE AFTER THE ENDING, THOUGH.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

(WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUCK.)

Molly can attest to me screaming at the top of my lungs IRL.

WHY IS HE ALIVE. WHAT IS HE DOING.

HE’S IN THE PHAROS, WHERE THERE ARE STAIRS.

WHEN WILL WE SEE HIM AGAIN, BECAUSE WE HAVE TO SEE HIM AGAIN.

“PRINCESS” TOO. FOR REAL.

HOW DARE YOU DROP THAT BOMBSHELL ON ME AND THEN JUST... CALL IT A WRAP? END THE ENTIRE ARC?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH.

Five months left to write a roleplay for this. I’m fucking ready.

#4.5 spoilers

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dingleautomotives · 7 years

Note

could i ask why you don't ship rbrn anymore?

this is a pretty long post. obviously it is rbron negative by virtue of the fact that i’m explaining why i don’t ship them so if that kind of thing upsets u... probably don’t read!

it’s been a long time coming friend. true fans™ of this blog will remember i basically quit shipping them in summer of 2016 for a while for a variety of reasons related to ‘shippability’. i felt like the show was never going to write them in a way that was character driven, the show didn’t seem to know how to make that reunion make sense. the writers knew the fans wanted rbron together but they didn’t understand why so they wrote a mismatched series of weird mini arcs that were all plotty messes and none of which were particularly interesting/romantic/good for my shipper heart. so layer one here is: as a shipper, rbron just doesn’t do it for me a lot of the time. i felt like in order to get what i wanted from them as a couple i had to resort to head-canons, reinterpreting scenes by adding layers of emotional depth that weren’t present onscreen, and supplementing what the show gave us with fanfic.

layer 2, though, is that as i’ve watched the last two years or so, i’ve had so many moments where rbrt’s behavior straight up made me uncomfortable. especially where aaron was concerned, but also just in general. i vividly remember each of these moments because i felt like i’d been punched. because i was SO disappointed. when aaron met ryan and rbrt continued to lie to aaron about who he really was (letting aaron believe that gordon had a second victim. watching that guilt literally consume aaron and still thinking they should lie to him). when rbrt left lawrence to die in april ‘16. when rbrt burned the letter but more so when he got caught and lied about burning the letter (twice). the way he spoke to chrissie after ssw. rbrt kissing rebecca. lying about it for weeks. but mostly that scene when aaron defended him in the pub KNOWING what he’d done and then rbrt still lied to his face in the backroom. the way rbrt talked to aaron on his birthday. some of the things rbrt said during their big fight in jan (a fight i will own to really liking at the time, but mostly because i thought it was setting up an arc to address those issues but. it wasn’t). the abortion stuff. trying to make aaron feel like rbrt cheating was his fault too even though he was literally being tortured in prison. trying to manipulate aaron into getting back together. repeatedly lying to his face since they’ve broken up. all of these things made me mad tbh even when i was at Peak™ shipping levels. and i just kept telling myself they were ooc flukes. (i haven’t even mentioned anything that happened in 2015!)

and you know bizarrely, the ONS is something that i could very easily get past. obviously cheating is horrible but i think in general it can be portrayed in a way that’s human and that couples can recover from.

but i feel like there was some weird tolerance that i had for rbrt screwing up over and over again and aaron always having to forgive him for those screw ups. it was like i kept telling myself that wasn’t their REAL dynamic it was just the dynamic the show was writing. the show was writing them WRONG, i said. but with this latest round of SLs... the liv stuff, the lawrence stuff, the chrissie stuff... my tolerance for making excuses for rbrt was just worn down to nothing. it was like the show was trying to tell me “you think this dude has a soul? nah man!!!”

i realize that villain!rbert is something a lot of people love and that a lot of people, in fact, signed up for. and like i get that, villains are fine. but i personally just can’t deal... with when he turns that villainous behavior on aaron. that’s just not something i enjoy as a shipper. he lies to him, he manipulates him, he tries to control him. these are not ooc flukes. the show has spent a significant amount of time showing this to be true in the last 6 months. and i am not denying that those lies/manipulations comes from a place of love. rbert DOES love aaron. but saying “he lied to his face because he doesn’t want to lose him” only works for me the first 5-10 times.

look i know christmas is coming and all of this rbert character degradation is heading towards a redemption and maybe emmrdale is going to tell the Story of All Stories here. and that’s fine. for me, rbron isn’t something i enjoy anymore and i’ve kind of been on an on-again/off-again roller coaster with them for a long time. i had them blacklisted the month before their wedding, and i was still very much a “shipper” back then. like. my point is i’ve always had weird mixed feelings about rbron. some of the happiest periods for the fandom were the angriest/bitterest periods for me. things that were “gifts” to the fandom like the picnic and the pub quiz were massive disappointments to me and my dumb standards. and on top of that emmrdale has chipped away at everything i thought i liked about them so all that’s left (for me) is the stuff that makes me uncomfortable. and it suddenly has just made me see everything a Lot differently. so it just made sense for me to walk away.

but yeah! that’s the honest truth from me!

please don’t send me 109385023 anons explaining why my opinions on rbron are wrong, i don’t have time to answer them fam. this is just where i’m at right now. i don’t really have any intention of talking ab rbron very much on this blog in the future. but since you asked, i’m answering.

#i'm being 100% honest here so like genuinely #if reading people talk about why they don't like rbron upsets you #don't read this!!!#it's gonna upset you !!!!!!!!!#negativity #rambles #anon #asks

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alwaysanotherooc · 7 years

Note

Sean and Ken for the break the ships down thing?

YES. FINALLY. AN ASK ABOUT MY BEAUTIFUL OTP. This took forever for me to do, and it’s so LONG OMG. Find it underneath the cut!Send me a Choices couple and I’ll break down their relationship!

How did they meet? On the plane to La Huerta, Ken stood up as Sean was walking back from the bathroom and blurted at him, “I HAD A DREAM ABOUT YOU.” And Ken was just so cute, dark hair mussed from sleep and a crease line on his cheek but his eyes…there was something about them that just enraptured Sean, so he smiled and flirted with him. Later, they like to tell people that they met because of a plane crash. Jake doesn’t appreciate that they tell it like that.

Who developed romantic feelings first? Sean. Pretty much from the moment Ken opened his mouth Sean was gone on this boy. Then in the observatory, lit up by the projections of galaxies and supernovas, Sean knew he’d never seen anything so beautiful, and he never would again. Ken’s been proving him wrong ever since.

Who is their biggest “shipper?” KUAN-YU CRAIG HSIAO AND DIEGO RICARDO ORTIZ SOTO

When did they have their first kiss and under what circumstances? They had their first kiss while sinking to their deaths in the oceans surrounding La Huerta, the sea monster still roaring somewhere else in the ocean, the water growing colder and colder but it couldn’t touch them while wrapped around each other.

Who confessed their feelings first? Ken did, technically, the morning Sean was going to set out for the Observatory alone, he said that he couldn’t lose Sean. He also said some other things but Sean literally can’t remember anything else for a couple minutes after that.

What was their first official date? Their first ‘official’ date happens once they get back from the island, Ken takes Sean out to the vineyard near his house.

How do they feel about double dates/group dates? They both like to do group dates because ever since the island every single one of them kind of low-key (high-key) hates not being around each other.

What do they do in their down time? Sean likes to play Fifa with Craig or do Spa days with the girls, Ken likes to do theory sessions over various media forms he and Diego consume, especially The Crown and The Flame.

What was the first meeting of parents as an official couple like? Ken has not and will never meet Sean’s dad. Ever. He has met Sean’s mom and his other family members, who were unsure what to think about Ken at first, but after seeing just how clearly the two of them love one another they were all for it. Sean met Kella and Kessa and his Tio Grant and Tia Sofia almost the minute they got back to the States. Kella was LIVID that Ken hadn’t called her even once and Kessa was worried sick too. As the three siblings stood yelling at each other on the tarmac, Tia Sofia and Tio Grant got to know Sean and instantly knew from the way his eyes lingered on Ken that the two of them were in love. Kella took a month to get used to the idea that Ken had a boyfriend, as Kella doesn’t trust men in general, but she loves Sean like he’s her own son. Kessa was so happy for them both she nearly cried, and in a later novel of hers, she makes a background couple mentioned once or twice in her books off of them.

What was their first fight over and how did they get past it? Their first fight, if you could call it that, was when Sean tried to go all ‘One Man Army’ on the search for the La Huerta Observatory. They got past it when Ken put his hand on Sean’s chest and said, “We can’t lose anybody right now. I...I can’t lose anybody right now.”

Which one is more easily made jealous? Neither one ever gets jealous, they know exactly where the other’s heart is, so they don’t worry about it.

What is their favorite thing to get to eat? Sean loves eating In-N-Out. As a southerner, he feels like he should hate it, but it’s one of Ken’s favorite places, so it’s sentimental to him. Ken grew up in California, he has In-N-Out in his blood.

Who’s the cuddly one? What their favorite cuddling position? They are so cuddly! Their favorite position to cuddle is either Sean fully covering Ken’s body and pressing him down into the mattress which helps him sleep (don’t ask it does), or Ken curled up like a little back pack on Sean’s back as the Big Spoon.

Are they hand holders? OH YEAH. They’re always touching one another too, hands trailing over skin, leaning into one another, sitting ridiculously close, touching each other all the time...they’re that couple.

How long do they wait before sleeping together for the first time? They sleep together for the first time five days after they met, the night before the Watchers came.

Who tops? They either flip a coin or, depending on what situation they're in, know instinctively, but they both switch it up.

What’s the worst first they’ve ever gotten into? The absolute worst fight they ever got into was when Ken played along with the Vaanti and agreed to play out the prophecy of Princess Andromeda, chained to a boulder in the ocean to be fed to the sea monster, Cetus. They all eventually saved Ken, but Sean to this day has never forgiven Ken for it, because seeing the person you love so much, a part of your soul, in that amount of danger, is awful to imagine.

Who does the shopping and the cooking? They both HATE shopping but LOVE cooking so they’ll make shopping a race and then spend hours in the kitchen together making whatever tickles their fancy.

Which one is more organized and prone to tidiness? Ken. Growing up he didn’t have a lot of stuff, so he likes keeping his things neat and tidy and clean, he takes a lot of pride in them. Sean isn’t sloppy by any means, but he’s just not quite as tidy as Ken.

Who proposes? Sean, in the most cliched way possible. Sean eventually got himself signed on as Quarterback for the LA Rams, and their very first year they made it to the Superbowl and won. Sean, standing under the stadium lights, hand in hand with a beaming Ken, was asked by the press, “What are you gonna do now?” And Sean smiled, “Something I’ve been waiting forever for.” And then Sean turned to Ken, kneeled, and pulled out a ring box, popping it open to reveal a simple gold band inlaid with amber, and Sean asked as Ken burst into tears, “Kemen Rodrigo De Vega, love of my life and my other half, will you marry me?” Ken beamed through his tears of joy, “Only if you marry me!” Sean slid the ring onto Ken’s finger and they kissed as the whole damn stadium lost their damn MINDS. The footage was aired on news stations all over the world for a week. It got fifteen million hits on Youtube. Sean thinks he did alright.

Do they have joined Bachelor/Bachelorette parties or separate? Joined, no doubt about it. They really don’t like separating their friends, it’s a weird thing.

Who is the best man/maid of honor? Any other groomsmen or bridesmaids? Diego and Craig are the Best Men, and Kella and Kessa are the Maids of Honor. The rest of the friend group is either a Bridesmaid or a Groomsman.

Big Ceremony or Small? Big ceremony, small reception with just family and close friends.

Do they have a honeymoon? If so, where? Where else?? La Huerta.

Do they have children? How many? They do. They have five kids, Ken always said he wanted a big family and Sean loved the idea, and they adopted a pair of twins, girls, a boy, and then two siblings who were on the verge of being split up by the adoption system, a boy, and a girl.

This was SO MUCH FUN I love Ken so fucking much and his relationship with Sean??? UGH, I LOVE IT!!

#kinofthetrees #Sean Gayle #Ken De Vega #Ken De Vega/Sean Gayle #The De Vega Siblings #playchoices #playchoices Endless Summer #choices #choices: stories you play #choices: endless summer #endless summer

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downeystarkjr · 8 years

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Killian Jones (CS pre-wedding one-shot)

Summary: A short one shot where Killian decides to spend the night before his wedding on his ship, rather than his bachelor party.

Also available on AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10101821

After a deep lingering kiss to his soul mate's lips, Killian was banished from Emma. It was the night before their wedding and the Nolan’s were eager to ensure no Royal Wedding tradition was broken. Other than how their daughter was to be wed to a pirate captain. He may not have been their initial choice to be Emma's suitor but during the time her parents got to know him, even David was more than willing to give the pirate his blessing for Emma’s hand in marriage.

“I wish you didn’t have to leave Killian,” Emma uttered against her fiancé’s lips with a smile, knowing the next time they saw each other they would about to start a new life together as man and wife. Where she would be taking his name and they would be making their wedding vows. Marriage was not something she thought was possible for her until the day Killian surprised her with a proposal at the restaurant where they spent their first date. And Emma certainly never imagined her True Love was going to be Captain Hook, the man who was more than the villain he was depicted as in the story of Peter Pan. “Do we really need to keep to this tradition?”

“Unfortunately, your parents will hardly accept anything else, however you can be assured love that I’ll be missing you until we meet again at the altar,” the pirate replied after kissing back, running his fingers through Emma’s gorgeous natural blonde hair. “And don’t worry, I have no intention of getting drunk tonight,” he assured. “Rum won’t get in the way of our upcoming union tomorrow,” Killian vowed and was about to lean forward and kiss his bride to be before David put his hands on his shoulders, pulling the captain away from the Saviour.

“That’s quite enough of that Hook, it isn’t your wedding night yet,” David remarked in a no-nonsense town that the engaged couple knew it was better not to argue with him.

Emma chuckled with a small roll of her eyes at her husband-to-be’s smirk in reaction to David’s warning. She could tell how excited Killian was for the next night and the day’s events. Emma was excited too, she was actually going to be a wife. The Saviour and the pirate were just one night away from their happy ending.

“Don’t be so disappointed Swan, I’ll make up for it tomorrow. Have fun tonight love, I’ll miss you,” Killian joked and managed to place one last kiss to Emma’s cheek before David tried to usher his future son-in-law out of the house.

“I’ll miss you too Killian, goodnight, I love you,” Emma giggled as she called out to her pirate, waving at him with the widest smile on her face. The sort of smile that only ever appeared because of Killian. “And dad come on, it was just a kiss, Killian and I have kissed countless times,” and a lot more than kissing but of course she wasn’t going to scar her father with the thought of what Killian and Emma got up to when they were together at home, alone. “Surely, one more kiss wasn’t going to hurt, right?”

“Emma, it’s tradition for the bride and groom to spend the night before the wedding apart,” David reminded, having explained all about the royal wedding traditions many times during the planning of the matrimonial event. “Besides your mother has arranged something for you tonight at Granny’s in celebration for tomorrow and I promised her I would you get you there on time.”

Meanwhile, Killian was joined by his crew who had arranged a night in the Rabbit Hole for their captain’s last night of freedom. Little did they know that Killian didn’t see marrying Emma as losing his freedom but the next step in the couple having a future together.

“To Captain Hook!” his men cheered, toasting Killian with pints of lager while he just stuck to his trusty flask of rum. The pirate captain didn’t intend on drinking too much, not wanting to be hungover when he met Emma at the altar the next day.

“You’re going to love what we’ve arranged for you Cap’n, she should be here soon,” Mr Smee grinned widely, his words causing Killian to further question why he let his crew arrange a bachelor party for him. “Shall I get us some more drinks sir?” the first mate asked, looking forward to the night ahead.

“No Smee, this round is on me, I’ll get them,” Killian insisted, patting Mr Smee’s shoulder with a wide yet false smile as he stood up. Being with his crew made the pirate realise how much he had changed for the better. No longer did he enjoy celebrating by drinking with his men in a tavern or bar or spending the night with a woman he would never encounter again. Which was why he really did not want to be in the Rabbit Hole when the woman Smee and the others had ordered for him. Emma, his True Love was the only woman Killian wanted to be intimate with, spending the night before his wedding in the company of another woman was bad form.

“But sir-“ Mr Smee spoke out, turning round to Killian while starting to get up from his chair.

“Smee, the celebrations of tonight may have caused one fact to slip your mind, let me remind you, I’m still the captain,” The pirate stopped the other man from completing his sentence. Using a sterner tone with an equally firm expression written on his face. One that Smee knew all too well.

“Yes Cap’n,” he replied in a quiet mumble, looking away from his captain’s glare and sat back down to finish the rest of his pint of alcohol.

Killian just rolled his eyes as he finally left the table and went over to the bar counter. “Give the men over there the same again,” he explained, paying for the drinks with a few of the many doubloons he had in his possession. Storybrooke was the only town in the Land without Magic that was happy to accept such currency. “And if they ask where I am, I’ll appreciate it if you don’t tell them, mate,” the pirate added with a small smirk.

“Of course sir, and good luck for tomorrow,” the barman nodded as he went to sort out the drinks the pirate ordered for the men he was walking out on. Since Emma was the Saviour and the daughter of Prince Charming and Snow White, everyone in town knew who she was and that she was marrying Killian.

“Bloody hell…” Killian breathed out with a heavy sigh, taking in the night air. He greatly disliked the small time he spent in the inn with the men who made up his crew during his pirating days. What even possessed him to even agree to their idea? Even if there used to be a time Killian saw their plans as the perfect way to celebrate an occasion. “Ah there’s the only maiden I’d love to spend the night if I can’t be with my Swan,” he smiled fondly when he caught sight of the Jolly Roger as he made his way over to the peace of the docks. Loving the scent of the salty sea air and the wonderful sight of his beloved ship in the moonlight ocean. “How are you, old girl?” Killian asked, lightly caressing the vessel when he stepped aboard. If being in Emma’s company was not an option, there was nowhere better than the Jolly Roger.

“And I want you to know, even though I’m marrying Emma tomorrow, you’ll always be important to me my dear,” the pirate spoke aloud, knowing full well that the ship couldn’t reply. It was a habit of endearment Killian had developed when he was alone. “We’ve had quite the adventures over the centuries together, haven’t we?” he chuckled softly, the ship had been his one constant in his life for all those years before falling for Emma. “And tomorrow you’ll be here with me as I take on another adventure.” Killian added, his smile growing wider as he looked over the top deck that would be littered with wedding decorations the next morning. He couldn’t think of anything better than marrying his true love on the Jolly Roger.

After spending some time with his flask of rum and the oh so calming view of the moonlight over the serene ocean waves, Killian decided to head down to his quarters below deck. Once there, he took out a small folded piece of paper from a locked drawer in his desk. It was centuries old and the edges browned and worn over the time, however, the drawing it contained was kept in perfect condition. He didn’t mean to tear up but the sight of his first love brought a tear to his eyes as he studied the perfect drawing of Milah he had kept since it was made. “I’ve never once forgotten about you my lady,” the pirate whispered, recalling what he had addressed Milah as when they first met. “If only we had the chance to meet one last time…” That would have been a strong possibility, had Milah not been forced into the River of Lost Souls. To know of her fate in the Underworld, it was as if Killian had lost her all over again. Milah was his first love, the woman he sought vengeance for, for centuries, and the woman whose name was etched in the form of a tattoo to his skin.

“I wonder what you thought of Emma when you met her, after losing you, she’s the only one who has ever given my life such happiness and meaning,” Killian continued, looking down to the drawing of Milah in his hand. “When you passed, I spent every waking moment consumed by my inner darkness and my desire for revenge to the point where I was willing to die for my vengeance,” he frowned, his heart still filled with guilt for the crimes of his past. Killian was aware he still had a long way to go before he could become someone he could be proud of, but he couldn’t have been more grateful that Emma had accepted him and loved him. Like he loved her.

“But all that changed with Emma, with her I’ve found something to live for, a future rather than an end. I never once thought finding love again would be a possibility for me, but with Emma, I’ve found everything my heart has been yearning for,” the pirate was unable to wipe the smile from his face, picturing his bride in her wedding dress and walking down the aisle to him. To marry him. The best thing about it was that it was no longer just a dream, but his and Emma’s reality. “I guess what I’m trying to say is…I’m finally happy again Milah, like you always wanted me to be.”

Killian had lost too many in his life and almost Emma by not being able to join her as she left from the Underworld. But they now had a second chance and if one thing was for sure, he damn well intended to have a future, a happy ever after with Emma, his Swan, his wife. His Saviour.

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sheikah · 8 years

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Unsolicited Opinions on the Vampire Knight Fandom War/Therapeutic Ranting

First of all, I’ll give full disclosure by saying I barely deserve to call myself part of the VK fandom as a whole or the Zeki family because I have been out of the loop since 2013 when that ending killed my soul. Also, grad school ate up all my time to spend emotionally stewing in my feels about this story over the past couple of years. But I’m going to post my thoughts on the current Vampire Knight fandom war anyway because after only a week back in it, I am seriously baffled by what is going on here. I’m going to try to break my ideas down I guess for anyone reading this but it is more rant than analysis, really.

1. Why I am Weepy Zeki Trash

Alright so like many others, I was hopeless Zeki trash. I haven’t shipped an anime/manga pairing that hard in my life. Zero’s devotion to Yuki just seriously broke my heart and was so beautifully written and drawn by Hino. I couldn’t imagine a better romance. I loved all of the turbulence and obstacles and felt like Hino was writing exactly what I was feeling with every new volume.

I’ve been re-reading the manga lately and Hino says in the margins of volume 1 that when she first started writing, she was worried that Zero’s character would be overshadowed by Kaname, but that looking at it now she knows she managed not to let that happen and did a good job on his character. I couldn’t agree with her more. Zero is one of the best male romantic manga protagonists I have ever encountered. In her early fan polls, he was the most popular character by a wide margin.

Let’s start early. In the St. Xocolatl Day chapter, Zero, who is clearly already harboring romantic feelings for Yuki, gives Kaname Yuki’s gift when she doesn’t have the guts to do it herself. Let’s unpack that for a second. This guy gives a token of romantic affection to his rival on his crush’s behalf. He is that interested in Yuki’s own happiness that he will actually try to get her together with the guy she likes himself, even though doing so would ruin his own chances.

To me, it’s easy to see why. My favorite thing about Zero is that he is so respectful of Yuki and not possessive of her at all, but somehow we are still able to see the depth of his feelings for her without him having to devolve into some of the creepier behaviors that I see from the male love interests in other manga (and honestly in VK from Kaname. But more on that later). Yuki’s correct to say that she constantly hurts Zero and we can see in his patience with her that his love is just as deep as Kaname’s and I would argue even deeper. But what’s different about Zero is that he also calls Yuki on her bullshit any time she steps out of line, and challenges her all the time. He is himself around her and she around him.

Here are some examples of what I mean.

However, Zero also respects Yuki enough to be straight with her and he frequently tells her how absurd he thinks it is for her to pursue a relationship with Kaname, a vampire. Basically he respects her enough to talk to her about things in a way that many of the other characters don’t. It’s a sleight of hand around every turn with Kaname, Kaien, etc for Yuki as there is always some deeper mystery for her to uncover and challenge for her to face, often dealing with the past. This could be made simpler by people being honest with her, but she is often treated like a child and important information is hidden from her even though she is trustworthy and capable.

Zero doesn’t treat her that way and he’s arguably the only character that doesn’t (aside from Yori and maybe Aido, who would never underestimate her because he is always suspicious of her haha. Bless him.) Starting in the very first chapter, Zero makes his distaste for Kaname clear, refusing to coddle Yuki just to seem like a “nice guy” and ingratiate himself to her. But this criticism of Kaname is obviously for Yuki’s wellbeing and not out of jealousy, because he continues to facilitate a relationship between them if it will make Yuki happy.

1. He thinks that he doesn’t have a chance. He sees how she is with Kaname and she is constantly going on about how much she loves Kaname, so he doesn’t think she will return his feelings. He withholds his feelings not out of fear of hurting his pride, but because he wants to remain her friend even though a relationship seems unlikely. In this case, Zero is once again commendable for being a true friend to Yuki and being willing to stay at her side without agenda.

Zero is so non-jealous and supportive of Yuki that even when Kaname declares Yuki his “lover” when her memories begin returning in the second arc, Zero accompanies them on a date at Kaname’s behest, standing by quietly as his rival childishly rubs his relationship with Yuki in his face. Zero literally just sits there and lets it happen. This might come off as weak but I actually think it shows profound emotional strength and composure to watch the woman you love in the arms of another man and to keep a level head. To me this just further emphasizes the intensity of his love for Yuki, that he will suffer through watching her with someone else because he knows that it is what she wants.

Speaking of relationships, for most of the series Zero has several openings to confess to Yuki or take their relationship further. One that comes to mind is when he has that nightmare sort of early on and almost kisses her in relief when he wakes to find her safe and sound. Yuki seems on board with what he was about to do. But he doesn’t do it. And it’s not out of cowardice to me. I can think of two reasons that Zero waits for so long to go “all in” with Yuki:

2. The other option, the way I see itm is that Zero feels that a relationship with Yuki would only cause her more pain in the end, that if they get more involved, she will be more hurt when he inevitably falls to level E. Of course this theory only works earlier in the series before he discovers she is a vampire, too, before it is clear that he can stave off falling to level E, etc.

So since their relationship is platonic for most of the series, it only makes many of the things Zero does for her even more endearing. Despite his surly attitude (which I find adorable anyway) he really is a good friend to her. He tries to help her uncover her past before she regains her memories, he gives her advice about Kaname (yes, this actually happens building up to her awakening as a pureblood), he tutors her when she is having trouble in school, he cooks her dinner, tends to her wounds every time her clumsy self gets the best of her, he covers her up when she’s cold…He’s considerate in small but meaningful ways. While there are times when it seems Hino tries to pass Yori off as Yuki’s best friend, it’s really Zero, and that alone is something wonderful about his character. We as the reader can see how deeply he loves her, but he doesn’t pine about it pitifully, plan to exit some “friend zone,” or act macho and try to intimidate her other suitors like Kaname does. He is perfectly content to be her friend and nothing more.

Most of what Zero does, really, is just for Yuki, but he doesn’t expect anything in return. He doesn’t do grand romantic gestures with cryptic messages attached like *cough* Kaname *cough* Maybe the most important example of what I’m talking about is Zero’s life itself. After he has turned into a vampire, he wishes to die almost immediately. I can understand this wish. At first he believes Ichiru to be dead, his parents are dead, and he is in constant, excruciating pain. His body rejects blood tablets and consuming human blood goes against every ideal he was raised to hold. The worst part is that he is eventually forced to take blood from the one person he most wants to protect from vampires, Yuki. All the while, he watches her love another man and takes part in a career as a hunter that forces him to kill his own kind–humans who were unwillingly turned into vampires. He is miserable. No one could blame him for wanting to end his life. But he doesn’t, and this is what is key to me. He doesn’t, because Yuki begs him to stay with her. And again, he doesn’t think that this is going to end in them falling in love. He just prolongs his suffering to remain at her side because it makes her smile sometimes, and that is enough for him.

Even when Yuki awakens as a pureblood and by all accounts he should hate her, he doesn’t. He claims to. He tries to. He has reasons to. But he doesn’t hate her and he never hurts her, despite his dramatic promise to hunt her down. He forsakes his most personal ideals just to keep her safe and that’s not something to sneeze at!

Later, when Yuki can see his feelings for her growing stronger and knows that it will only cause him more pain because of her situation with Kaname, she erases his memories, knowing that it will bring him peace. My favorite part of this is that he falls in love with her again anyway. Even when he doesn’t know who she is, and thinks of her only as a pureblood vampire, he –still– can’t hurt her because his love for her runs that deep, and that brings his memories back to him.

Most recently, I think the most selfless act of all is Zero’s willingness to raise the daughter Yuki had with another man. I mean COME ON that is so rare. He is also happy to stay with Yuki even when she is reluctant to start a relationship with him following Kaname’s death. He is patient and not pushy when it comes to her reciprocating his feelings. I seriously can’t even handle his perfection. Really, how can you not love Zero?

So I think I’ve unpacked why Zero himself is so great, but it takes two to make a ship so I think I will just go on to say that it is equally obvious that Yuki loves him, too. After all, no one in either camp of this conflict is doubting that Zero loves Yuki. They think Yuki doesn’t love Zero, or loves Kaname more.

Moving along, when Shizuka appears Yuki actually considers trying to kill Kaname to save Zero. I argue this because during the ball when they are dancing on the balcony, only then does Yuki think to herself that there is no way she could possibly kill Kaname. Only after seeing him at the ball and being touched by his kindness does she flee to find Shizuka and offer herself up, and she does this without hesitation because to Yuki, any price is worth saving Zero’s life, even if it will be a short one before he turns to Level E.

In the first arc, Zero is clearly her first priority in that she is willing to accept Kaname’s disdain and any potential punishment from her father for breaking school rules by allowing Zero to drink her blood. To me that shows love, and this could be a friendly sort of love. I guess at first it is. But as time goes on it becomes more and more clear that Yuki loves Zero in a romantic fashion.

Again, on St. Xocolatl Day, Yuki attempts to cook handmade chocolates for Kaname and fails, apparently ruining her batch. She buys a flashy candy box to give to Kaname, worried that he would judge her own cooking. But she is able to produce just one successful chocolate and she chooses to give it to Zero. Yeah, he gets the personal gift, the intimate gift, and she hand feeds it to him for Christ’s sake.

After Kaname kills Shizuka, Yuki further demonstrates her loyalty to Zero when she turns on Kaname to protect Zero from the vampire Senate. She is willing to never speak to Kaname again unless he clears Zero name. This is huge to me, and so, so important to point out, because it demonstrates that despite the love she bore for Kaname at that time, she was willing to lose him completely if it meant keeping Zero safe.

Later, in the infamous almost-kiss scene after Zero’s nightmare, Yuki reflects back on this with flashbacks several times. She thinks about it A LOT. Because, duh, it was hot and she wanted him to kiss her, even if she isn’t ready to admit that to herself yet.

Even later, after Yuki has awoken as a pureblood, this is where I think her love for Zero becomes the most clear. As many others have discussed in great detail, one of the most telling indicators of Yuki’s love for Zero is her desire for his blood and her inability to be satisfied by Kaname’s. I won’t go into that again because so many already have, but it was Kaname himself who told Yuki that a vampire could only be sated by the blood of their beloved, and Yuki is extra bloodthirsty until she finally starts drinking Zero’s blood. She explicitly states that part of her heart will always belong to Zero, though she does love Kaname, too. Of course, we also know that she is able to survive just fine for a millenia after Kaname’s death on Zero’s blood alone. It follows that he is the person she loves most.

Her demeanor is just different around Zero, too, for the entire series. She is happy and herself around Zero. They joke with each other sometimes. She confides in him and cries to him. With Kaname, it seems to me that she is constantly walking on eggshells. Some might argue that that is because she loves him so much and is so worried about upsetting him, but that is sort of toxic in my opinion. If that’s the case it’s infatuation, not love.

Even when Zero proclaims that he will kill Yuki after he finds out she is a pureblood, she isn’t angry. Instead she vows to keep running from him to give him a reason to live. She vows to make her own life more difficult and complicated just to keep Zero going.

At the end of their story as we know it so far, Yuki decides to end her life after Zero is killed. I think this is such an interesting point because it is one being used by both ships to support their case. Yume people see it as proof that Yuki still loves Kaname the most because she is giving her life to resurrect him as a human even after so much time has passed. I disagree. I think it is proof that Yuki loves Zero the most because without him, she has no motivation to go on living, and is ready to give her life for Kaname at last. She had considered doing this in the past, remember; but she is only willing to do it when the option to be with Zero is no longer there. Once he is dead, she grieves for him and follows him into death, even though she has two children she could spend her life with.

Lastly, aside from all of the inner monologues and dialogue that support this ship, I also think that the sheer chemistry between the two characters is really powerful and important here. Zero and Yuki have more physical contact than any of the other characters throughout the series and to be frank, it’s hot. When he drinks her blood, even at first, it is something that is always sexually charged under Hino’s capable pen. Zero and Yuki are very comfortable with one another and he’s always holding her, or her him. I don’t know, there is just so much more obvious affection between them, to me, than she and Kaname. My favorite example is the masque scene when they pretend to be strangers and wind up kissing. It’s just a testament to how their circumstances and not their feelings are what keep them apart, because if they were just two people who met on a dance floor, they would be drawn inexorably together right away. It’s so damned perfect, yall.

So that’s why Zeki is wonderful.

2. Yume. Why tho?

Okay, I have to get this out somewhere. I started with the positives, with why I love my ship. But I have to rant for just a little bit now.

I mean this sincerely: I genuinely DO. NOT. GET. how Yume is so popular. Let’s pretend Zero didn’t exist (*gasp*), and VK was a love story between Yuki and Kaname as he exists in the series. I wouldn’t finish it. I mean that. To me, it is so problematic for so many reasons.

Above I spent a lot of time explaining why I think Zero so clearly loves Yuki and Yuki so clearly loves Zero. I don’t need to explain that Kaname loves Yuki. I will gives the Yume people that much, obviously Kaname loves her. I will even agree that she obviously loves Kaname, too. But to me that is kind of a small factor to take into account here.

She loves him, but in a really uncomfortable, frightened, obligated sort of way for a good sizable chunk of the series. She loves Kaname because she feels indebted to him for saving her, and then because of her memories with him as a brother. This feels altogether different than the relationship built on trust and shared experience with Zero. I have already explained why I think Yuki loved Zero more so I don’t need to go into detail about why I think her feelings for Kaname aren’t as strong, because those two arguments are tied together. Instead, I am going to make a different argument entirely: that in this case, it doesn’t really matter who she loves “more” because of how problematic of a character Kaname is.

When Yuki is trying to regain her memories, Kaname talks to her like she is a mischievous toddler and dismisses her concern, instead trying to misdirect her by randomly confessing his love to her at a very inappropriate time, solely to throw her off the scent. Since Yuki has been wanting Kaname romantically for so long, this might seem sweet to the people that ship it. I think it is twisted and bizarre as hell. Even Yuki doesn’t believe it when he says it so out of the blue, and it hurts her to think he is pretending to confess love just to distract her. Yuki at this stage is genuinely distraught, having nightmares and hysterically crying in Zero’s arms. She even tries to strangle Zero in her sleep. This is someone who held it together after her best friend randomly bit her in the jugular and drank her blood before she knew he was a vampire. She kept her cool when that happened. But when her memories start to return, she is crying over how scared she is, hallucinating, losing sleep, and fainting in class. Clearly this is affecting her worse than anything else ever has and Kaname’s answer to that is to distract her by taking her on some idiotic picnic and creepily declaring that they are “lovers?” What even?

What I mean is, Yume people could post until they are blue in the face about why Yuki loves Kaname more. (They already do this, I know). I don’t buy most of their points, but even if I did–I could never ship this. Kaname to me is a clearly abusive and possessive character. I know it’s fantasy. I know none of this is real and that he is a vampire. But he does some truly messed up things throughout the series and rereading the manga and watching the anime through I am honestly shocked that anyone ships them at all.

Here are some examples.

He also lies to her on multiple occasions and erases her memory. He sees her as someone he can manipulate because until she awakens as a pureblood, he has knowledge that she doesn’t, and he absolutely exploits that knowledge. Yuki even says constantly that he treats her like a child. Contrast this with the way that Zero treats her, outlined in detail above. Night and day, people. (Literally, lol).

After she awakens as a pureblood, he basically holds her prisoner in the mansion by making her feel guilty. She always comment on how lonely and sad he seems, and how he would be even moreso without her. He also keeps her close by hinting that she isn’t safe, though with vampire strength she is arguably less vulnerable than ever before. During this time frame, their whole relationship seems so depressing and just difficult. When you love someone, it shouldn’t be that hard to just spend time with them. And yes, there were all kinds of other dramas getting in the way, but they had domestic problems from day one and she was always talking about Zero. Kaname saw all this and still was just so possessive of her that it really bothers me a lot.

There are several moments where Kaname honestly seems sort of sadistic to me. He tortures Zero, allows horrible things to happen to him, for him to come within an inch of his life multiple times. He toys with him psychologically and finds him when he is most thirsty to essentially force Zero to consume his blood so that he can exert power over him. All the while he claims to do this for Yuki, but he could keep Zero alive without so many games and near-death experiences if you ask me. By contrast, even after everything that has happened, in volume 19 Zero willingly allies with Kaname at the very end and doesn’t treat him with nearly the derision Kaname does him. He isn’t nice to Kaname but he doesn’t torture him and mess with him. Kaname taunts Zero leading up to his transformation into an vampire in the first arc and also talks down to him for being a potential Level E constantly after that. Kaname’s treatment of Zero is absolutely the result of fragile masculine jealousy and it sickens me. Zero’s only crime was being born a vampire hunter and being loved by Yuki. We have countless examples of his gentle and forgiving nature but Kaname loathes him. Of course, Zero doesn’t like Kaname either, but he doesnt exert the same influence over Kaname that Kaname does over him so it just isn’t really fair, and is indicative of weird alpha male tendencies in Kaname.

And here’s the thing that no one seems to mention. I know that Japan is different than the west and that anime and manga have a lot of strange relationships that we wouldn’t really consider normal on American TV or in comics, but Kaname and Yuki’s whole situation just doesn’t feel romantic to me. It feels creepy. He is this ancient being, centuries old, and his lover when he is reborn as a Kuran is Yuki. This would already be a bit strange if they were born at the same time, if he was reborn as a baby when Yuki is also an infant. But he is already much older when she is born, and he instantly latches on to this baby in a brotherly role, that eventually turns paternal when her parents are murdered. He watches her entire life, watches her grow up literally from infancy. He is just as much a father figure to her as Kaien in a lot of ways, and then randomly, when she is a young teenager, it suddenly becomes romantic, and later sexual? I’m sorry guys, but that rubs me the wrong way. I have never been in the midst of VK in either manga or anime format and thought for even a flicker of a second that Kaname is the one Yuki is supposed to be with.

3. That ending -_-

All of this is complicated by the manga’s ending in 2013. I felt almost 100% sure reading the manga that Hino herself wanted Yuki and Zero as end game. The relationship with Kaname did have meaningful and emotional segments but it never felt to me like the one she preferred. As die-hard Zeki as I am, I know the ending of the manga in 2013 was a total Yume-friendly ending, and it wrecked me. It brushed Zero off as a character entirely, offering no closure and leaving no one happy. I honestly would have rathered her just leave Kaname alive even though I don’t ship it, because the wishy-washy ending we got was awful. Writing should be from the heart, not to please a fan base. I feel like Hino’s ending was one that didn’t step too firmly on either side of the fence, even if it was a clear Yume preference, and that she did this so that she wouldn’t be forced to choose a side and piss anyone off too badly. It’s my opinion that that backfired because the ending seems unpopular on the whole.

So I am really happy that we have these extra chapters and VK Memories to look forward to. But I cautiously tell my fellow Zeki people not to expect a Zeki happy ending (I know Zero dies, but you get what I am saying) because who knows what will happen. Things may look favorable for us right now, but they did during the manga’s regular run, too.

Here is what I truly want–our author needs to take a side. I want an ending with more closure. I want something that shows us the true nature of Yuki’s relationship with Zero and how she really felt about Kaname when she gifted him with humanity at the cost of her own life. It is all so grey right now, and that, I think, is what makes this “fandom war” so vicious–there is something to fight about because nothing is clear. No one can say for sure what Hino’s intentions were and who Yuki loves more because it ended so abruptly with no clear answer either way. It seems like she could love Kaname more for sacrificing herself, but also that she could love Zero more for waiting until he is gone and then following him in death. It’s too ambiguous.

That being said, in grad school I studied the idea of “death of the author,” the idea that an author’s intent when composing a piece of literature is not important. Trying to argue what he/she was thinking is not as important as arguing what the text itself is saying. I’m not saying that what Hino wanted doesn’t matter. But I do think that if she chooses a route that we don’t necessarily like, it will be easy, based on her writing style so far, to still find hints of an outcome we wanted, that when VK Memories ends, if things go poorly for either ship, we can all analyze the text to see that the characters Hino made speak for themselves, and draw our own conclusions from that.

4. People are mean.

I have seen some ship conflicts in multiple fandoms in my time on tumblr. What we have in the VK tag right now is especially ugly, and I don’t get a lot of it.

I’m gonna focus on the recent “star-crossed lovers” nonsense. When a Zeki blog tagged a post as “star-crossed lovers” this really twisted some Yume shipper panties and people got very angry that we would dare to call Zero and Yuki star-crossed, posting long analyses of how Zero and Yuki don’t really have any obstacles between them and that since they were together for 1000 years the ending isn’t tragic.

Okay, I took a breath because I needed one after even repeating that ridiculousness. I need someone to tell me how the freaking head vampire hunter and uber powerful vampire are not star-crossed. Seriously, that alone should be enough to complicate their relationship, but it’s made even more difficult by Zero’s backstory and extra hatred for vampires, his own status as a third class vampire in society, Yuki’s long life span as a pureblood, and even Kaname himself as a rival. These are some pretty intense odds. That’s textbook star-crossed lovers right there guys. Sorry.

I’ve also seen Yume people make huge bullet point lists of how much more star-crossed Yume is for a bunch of reasons that aren’t reasons. Yuki and Kaname are both purebloods who were destined from her birth. They were an arranged marriage. That is the polar opposite of star-crossed or forbidden love. They definitely had their fair share of obstacles, but it isn’t the same, mainly because Kaname created a lot of those obstacles with his own crazy schemes.

But the real thing I want to address here is how petty it is that someone saw the tag and took issue with the tag being applied to Zeki. Both couples are star-crossed in their own way, okay? Christ. Why does it bother you so much to know that the other ship thinks the characters are star-crossed? Yume folks, for three years the ending has been in your favor. Rest on your laurels and let Zeki people savor this rare chance to have things go well for us.

At the end of the day, this was a story that all of us obviously loved. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be fighting about it so fiercely. What would be better, I think, would be to come together and hope for an ending that we like more than the disaster of 2013, to hope that Yuki is made to have a clear choice one way or another in a conclusion that doens’t leave people on both sides feeling so empty and confused.

5. Final Thoughts

I don’t like fandom shaming of any kind. So to any Yume people who read this, that wasn’t my intent. And unlike many Yume people I’ve seen, I’m not going to cross tag it and shove it down your throats. But I wanted this post to be seen so that maybe some of the more understanding people can see why so many of us don’t like the Yume ship, and also why this fandom war is getting so hostile. Don’t go onto the other tag and start drama with people if you truly do just want to be left to enjoy your ship. And join together in the hoping for some great material to read in 2017.

Happy New Year folks :D And sorry for the textbook length post. Whoa.

@justiceforzerokiryuu I thought maybe you would appreciate this haha. Totally understand if you don’t read my novel though :P

#text post #rant #zeki #vampire knight memories #vk memories #zero x yuki #vampire knight

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daniel-murrieta · 6 years

Text

A Talk I Gave on Forgiveness

Talk – The Struggles of Forgiveness

Brothers and sisters, good afternoon. It’s been about three years since I’ve given a talk; so, forgive me if I break. I should let you know that we are moving soon. We found a beautiful home in Sandy. On the 18th, we’ll be leaving here; so, this will be my first and last talk in this ward. Thank you for every bit of your kindness, your friendship, your diligence.

I seem to have a bad habit for missing talent shows that I sign up for. So, I’m going to share a little talent that I have here. And I like to write poetry. I plan on publishing a book and this one specifically, it’s called hatred. It’s a little bit strong; so, forgive me there as well. You see, it goes like this:

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Poem - Hatred

Before I was born There was peace The earth remained pure Everything was still

September 11, 2001, terror brought me life December 7, 1941, the world saw my genocide 33ad, I wrought the crucifixion of Christ Before Cain, I raged when angels fell from heaven

In my wake, worlds will collapse Mankind has already begun the process For all who meld me to their hearts Are chained to my relentless torment

Behold, your sentiments I will shackle in misery As rancor consumes your soul The mindless vengeance that you seek Is the animosity that keeps me burning

No mortal has lived without me living in them Few have overcome my power For I live where love has died In many, I will live eternally

Until there is love There will be no rest When I am gone There will be peace

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I’m really afraid of that hatred. We all know that Satan fell from heaven and is miserable because of that hate. But there was a time in my life where I feel to share where I felt consumed by that hatred.

I have a really bad weakness. I don’t know about you guys, but I have the weakness of regret. If I miss something, if I don’t do something, and regret it, it just eats me up a lot of times. And there was a time in my life where I seemed to recollect every single possible regret that I could think of. And it kept eating me up. It would be things from embarrassments, to things that I wished would have happened and didn’t happen; things I missed in life. It would be times when people offended me, or it would even be times when I offended other people and I just felt like ‘what did I do?’ And I would battle it out with my own mind. I would just try and try to say “no, it’s in the past. It’s fine. It’s ok.” But I couldn’t get away. I didn’t know what to do. And it always felt like this dark presence was following me everywhere I went. And one day, I had a Joseph Smith moment. I prayed and I said “Heavenly Father, please, free me from this torment.” And I went the entire day without a response, and by nighttime, I was just exhausted. I was just drained. And my wife, Geysi, she came out of nowhere and said, “let’s do FHE”. And we’re pretty infrequent about our FHE; so, it came kind of unexpected. And she said “let’s just do it real quick”. And we went over there, and as she’s speaking, she speaks about forgiveness. And I don’t remember what scripture she said, but it woke me up as if a man from his sickbed just jumping out. And she went onto other things, but I knew that that was what God wanted me to hear. And so, as we went on, I prayed in my mind and said, “Heavenly Father, I want a baptism of the mind. I want to forgive everything and everyone in my life, of all wrong, of everything.” After I prayed, I felt a clarity in the mind. I felt this whirlwind just stop. It felt like the enemy himself was silent: didn’t have any power over me. And it felt that I could finally be happy again.

I’m very thankful to Father in heaven for His mercy, for His kindness, for His love to provide answers to us in our deepest and darkest times.

There’s a few things that I feel to share, to clarify a little bit further upon forgiveness. The primary motivator for forgiveness shouldn’t be, “K, this guy is pretty good here, but not, he’s just OK here.” Or “you know what, I don’t like this guy very much, but whatever, it’s fine.” The primary motivator of forgiveness should be charity. And charity is the pure love of Christ. And purity in it’s word means to be free from impurities. Free from the impurity of pride, from selfishness. Free from the impurity of dislike. It’s supposed to be coupled with humility, with meekness, with longsuffering, with patience, understanding, and the belief that every person in this world has a possibility of returning to Heavenly Father to live forever in His presence. And that’s why God sent His son. He knew that as soon as Jesus Christ came to this earth; He knew that people would be spitting on Him. He knew that He (Jesus) would preach to crowds that would just leave Him by the masses. And that He would be rejected and nailed in six different places. But He sent Him still because “He so loved the world, that He sent His only begotten Son, that” knowing that we imperfectly could still be saved by His grace, “that all who believe in Him might not perish, but have everlasting life.” What reason did Heavenly Father have beyond love, beyond hope in our potential, that we could return? I mean, yes He gets glory from this, but His glory is the love. And surely, there are times, when I was a kid, I mean sometimes you see these kids with there iPads and their games. I was that guy. I was on my Gameboy all the time. I would, in Primary, I would drive the teachers nuts. I would hide in the car for an hour and a half before going to Primary. I would hide the closets, in the cultural hall. I would go anywhere, but Primary. And now they let me teach it!

That entire time, I felt Heavenly Father’s hand with me. Did I deserve it? Did I seek it? No, but it was there. And I knew that small things in my life were gradually bringing me back to His fold, until I read the Book of Mormon and finally returned. Is it not possible that those who hurt us, who offend us in our life, that God also has a plan for them in place, and that if we are willing we can be a part of that plan?

Another motivator is that we should be obedient to our Heavenly Father. I’m not going to take too much time on this, but read two scriptures here.

It says, “I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.  I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (D&C 64:9-10). 

“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you;  But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15). 

There’s one last topic that really confuses me sometimes. To what point do you forgive? Jesus Christ said that you forgive ‘till seven times seventy. Now, if you could think about yourself toward God, how many times do you sin daily? I don’t know about you, but at least it’s more than one for me. And so that number runs out pretty quick for some of us. And the closer you are to somebody, the more annoying they can be sometimes. The more you run into their problems. The more you see their sins that Heavenly Father sees all the time already. But you’re facing it sometimes more than seven times seventy. What do you do?

I’d like to remember this one thing that Christ said: “resist not evil, but whosoever shall smite thee on the right cheek, turn to him the other also” (quote). “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; 

“That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust” (Matthew 5: 44-45). 

Now those words don’t mean that we let evil live or go on forever. It has to stop. But by that same principle, Gandhi freed an entire nation from slavery, from oppression. Martin Luther King Jr. was able to claim many of the rights for his people that they had been denied. And I love this quote from Martin Luther King Jr. The more you read into this man, the more you see how patient, how forgiving he was. It’s incredible. And he says, “darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.”

Now, there does come an exception eventually. Nephi and his family are perfect examples. Nephi was a righteous young man who just wanted to follow God and keep His commandments. And throughout his entire life, his brothers were the opposite. They loved the world and they just wanted to do whatever they could. And so in this process of going back for plates and going back and forth, you know Laman and Lemuel, they laid the rod. They smacked him with a stick. And there appeared an angel, and they stopped. And later on as they go back to get wives and they come back, they’re like “you know, we still want to go back to the city.” And Nephi says, “No, no way dude. We got to stay here. We got to go where the Lord guides us.” And they again tied him to a tree to be left to die to the beasts. And Nephi prays. The strength of the Lord comes to him that the bands are loosed, and he speaks to them again. As they’re about to lay their hands on him to kill him, the wives, or the ladies plead, and the brothers stop. And they begged for his forgiveness. And Nephi said, “I did frankly forgive them all that they did.” And Nephi had a very quick spirit to forgive, but they continued. Later on, as he was commanded to build a boat, they mocked him again. As he preached to them another time, they tried to lay hands on him to throw him into the sea. And as they were on that same boat, that same boat that he built by the instruction of God, they again tied him to the ship, as if to kill him. And they only let him loose as soon as the power of God came. And when finally, Lehi died, the father who had spoken with such tender love to his children, they again tried to kill him, and for what? Because they wanted to be the teachers, the rulers of the people. They didn’t want anyone above them. They did it for pride. And Nephi, at this time, after turning his cheek time after time, after being forgiving, after loving them more and more, as much as he could, was finally commanded to flee. And the commandment wasn’t any longer to turn the cheek. The commandment was now to defend your children, your families, even to bloodshed. Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t have somebody chasing me to death yet; so, I’m still in the commandment to forgive and love as much as I can. And I feel to say I love you guys. I feel to say thank you again for everything you guys do, for everything you’ve done for me. And I know as we follow the example of Nephi and forgiving others and doing everything we can to reconcile ourselves with our brothers and sisters, we will turn alright. Maybe, maybe it’s possible that we won’t have the miracle that Gandhi, or that we won’t have the miracle that Martin Luther King had, but we will have the miracle of changing ourselves, of being ready to see our Heavenly Father for forgiving our brothers and sisters. And I pray that charity can live with each of us.

Do I have more time? OK! I’ve got another poem. This one I’ve shared previously, but not in this ward; so, I’m going to share another time. I’m actually going to share this one here [instead]. So, I’d like to remind everyone that Jesus Christ is the ultimate source of all forgiveness. We don’t necessarily deserve to be forgiven. We’re forgiven because of love. And this one is called “At the Auction House”.

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Poem - At the Auction House

At the auction house, men and women, youthful and full of age, gather to buy treasures, pleasures, and delicacies, all at the cost of their souls.

Pounding the gavel, the auctioneer grins with black teeth and eyes burning red. Lucifer has commenced the bidding.

All at once, they scramble for their lusts and extend their hands anxiously to receive as he chains their feet. Most don't even last long before he drags them mercilessly into the dark.

I, too, looked to his gifts with envy and sold my soul for a craving. Only when I opened my eyes did I realize I was so blind.

Then, my cries had pierced the dark, "God, have mercy on me!" And I wept all alone in the bitter night until I was called back to the auction room.

Slamming the pulpit, Satan roared and wailed aloud, crying "What price will be paid for the wretch that sold himself to me!"

A Man, shining in white, stood up amidst the sinners. Showing nothing save scars in His hands, He said, "The price has already been paid."

At His word, the chains were loosed and Satan's roars grew deaf. Tears of remorse dried from my cheeks as the Man reached down and I heard His voice.

“Oh, child of heaven, does thou not recall that even if a man should gain the whole world, what would it profit him if he lost his soul? Learn ye this day, thy soul is of greater worth than all the world combined.

"And because nothing in this world can equal the worth of thy soul, the cost of thy redemption could not come by worldly things; rather, it has come by the precious blood that I've given for thee.

“Rise up and follow me.”

Taken by His hand to rise from the gulf of misery, within my broken heart, I find these words to say:

No longer will I labor as a slave in darkness; rather, I will be a child of the Light.

Eternally indebted to His grace, the payment I now give is to preach the miracle of life, of redemption, of everlasting joy, that are renewed by Him who ransomed me. And I shall ever pay it joyfully.

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Brothers and sisters, thank you for this time. I’m really happy to be a part of this Church. I’m really happy to learn from souls that are not taught channel CW or anywhere else. I love God, and I love you all. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

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