#because who falls off a fucking treadmill

[i-am-a-secret-ssshhh]

I have never been more mortified to wear a t-shirt than when someone asked me if I had been burned based on the scar on my arm.

I hadn't been, however I didn't say this because, honestly the truth is embarrassing. But I have no shame on this website.

I got this scar on my arm from falling off a treadmill. Have matching scars on my legs too.

[meetthesoldier]

people describing persona protags as "stoic" will never not be funny as hell to me they are all so fucking silly if you are normal and dont always pick the lamest dialogue options

[fingertipsmp3]

I swear to god everything from the weather to my equipment to my neighbours to my own fucking body is conspiring to make sure I don’t get a good run this week

[murdrdocs]

minors dni.

on nerdy flustered boys who would fuck if given the chance:

he starts with little glances. staring at you on opposite ends of the classroom, thanking past him for accidentally picking a seat that gave him a perfect view of you, the seating allowing him to slide his eyes over your profile as you write something down, he quickly realizing that he's paying for a college education and not to stare at his pretty classmate like a creep.

the glances turn to stares, giving him a way to start noticing the small things about you. the changes in your skin tone from your under eye to your cheek, the way your nose curves and bends, the way the fluorescent light reflects off your bare shoulders. and then his eyes almost fucking bulge out of his head when he sees two pebbles poking through the material of your thin white tee.

he's too busy trying not to ogle to notice the small smirk on your lips, or to hear the professor enthusiastically encouraging you all to partner up. next thing he knows, you're walking over to him and his mouth is dry and he's going to say something but you do first.

"you dropped your pencil." you bend down, grab it from the floor, and look up at him through your lashes as you do so, sliding the mechanical tool over to him with a gentle smirk on your lips. he manages to blurt out a thanks that's no where near as appreciative as it should have been due to the way his brain is short circuiting.

you saunter away to a girl seated next to him, and he can feel the boner forming in his jeans. because for just a second there, a pathetic second, he had front row seats to the shape of your tits and the way your nipples poke perfectly through your tee.

ever since that one day, it's like anytime he sees you he sees your nipples too.

at the coffee shop on campus when he is getting something to power him through another day of assignments, you're sitting at a table by the window in a loose tee that pushes against your tits when you stretch a wave to him, exposing the little mountain just enough to have him salivating.

at the gym when he is there to bring something to his roommate, you're on the treadmill, running with a sports bra that strains as it holds your tits in, not doing much to conceal your pestering nipples.

and somehow, some fucking way, when he's in your bed, staring down at your bare nipples for the second time (by some miracle), concentrating hard and following them as they move with the thrusts that he delivers to you.

he's lost in it, head spinning from the sensations of your cunt squeezing around him near-perfectly, eyes blurring from staring at your tits and your face and the way your stomach contracts as he angles his cock just a little differently and you gasp appreciatively.

you babble out an almost incoherent sentence, the distinguishable words being along the lines of insinuating that he had to have some prior experience to this, the way he fucks you a clear guess as to why you’re assuming that.

and he tries to respond, the reply easy and on the tip of his tongue, but the starts of his orgasms brews low in his stomach and he can only focus on getting both of you to that point.

his thrusts sharpen, and his hand goes down to play with your clit a little, thumb finding the bud after a moment or two of fumbling around.

when you cum, he’s right behind you, shooting warm spurts into the latex of the condom as drool falls from his parted lips falls onto your chest. he watches it glide down the expanse, gather around your nipple, and slide the rest of the way down and onto your bed sheets.

[idkwhatever580]

Gina?

Masterlist

Pairings: Regina George x reader

Prompt: reader helps Regina when her life falls apart

Warnings: self hate, swearing,

A/N: I had a request to do this and I did it the other way around so here is a different version. I stuggled with the body part since I kind of was going on and on and it led to something else but I hope you like it!

Y/n’s pov

I just got to my girlfriend’s house. Her mom called me and said she’s been on the treadmill for two hours.

Ms. George called around four and she said that she left school early and wouldn’t get off, so I immediately told her that I was coming over.

I had just gotten out of school too.

So I run into the house and say a quick

“Hey Ms. George!”

And I ran to their workout room.

The door is locked so I knock really hard so she can hear me. She thinks I’m her mom so she yells

“Mom I told you I need to lose three pounds!!!”

“Gina baby! It’s me! Y/n! Can you please let me in?

“No! You need to go! I need to lose more weight!”

I sigh when I realize she’s not getting off that machine until I drag her off. So I quickly find two Bobby pins and pick the lock. Thank god for coach carr.

He might not have taught me a lot of things. Except for that if you have sex you’ll get chlamydia and die. (False) but he once had to pick the lock to get back into the classroom when he accidentally got us all locked out.

So I open the door and find her eating a gross looking bar of sorts.

I turn off the treadmill and say

“Gina. Please. This isn’t healthy.”

She is panting and sweating and she finally kind of snaps out of it.

She is like really fucking tired now so I help her to the bathroom to clean off.

“What kind of bar is that Gina?”

She shrugs while washing her hair and says

“It’s like a Kalteen bar. It’s Swedish or something”

I furrow my eyebrows and say

“Where did you get these from and what do they do?”

“They make you lose weight. And Cady gave them to me.”

She steps out of the shower and I say

“I don’t trust that girl”

She kind of scoffs and says

“You don’t trust anyone”

I look at her as she dries off and I say

“You’re right. I don’t trust very many people. Do you even know what is in this?”

She shrugs and says

“No.”

I squint and grab the package of the bars and I look up the brand. My eyes widen when I read the description.

All of the ingredients are said to be aids in gaining weight. So I turn to Regina and say

“Spit that out. Right. Now.”

She listens and spits it out, but says

“Why?”

I grab her hand and say

“You know how I said you shouldn’t trust Cady Heron?”

She rolls her eyes and says

“Yes come on tell me”

I sigh and pick up the bar and say

“This shit makes you gain weight. She literally tricked you.”

She takes the information in and then starts screaming.

Loud.

I cover my ears and as she is screaming she goes into her closet and grabs this pink book.

She finally stopped screaming. I’ve never seen this book before so I say

“What’s that?”

“A burn book”

She starts writing something in it and puts her picture in it.

“What is it about?”

She huffs and says

“It has all the girls in our class in it. Talks shit about them.”

I look at her with wide eyes and say

“Am i in it?”

She groans and says

“No. You go to north west. . I go to north shore. It only has north shore juniors in it. Also I’d never let them write anything bad about you anyways.”

I frown and nod my head and say

“What are you doing with it?”

She rolls her eyes and says

“I’m taking it to the school. Showing everyone. Blaming the three bitches who wouldn’t let me sit at my fucking table!”

I widen my eyes and say

“Wait. You couldn’t sit at their table?”

She nods her head and says

“Because I was wearing fucking sweatpants and it wasn’t the day.”

I scoff and say

“Wow. That’s stupid”

She nods and starts crying and says

“Sweatpants are all that fits me right now because of those stupid bars. I thought Cady was nice.”

I sign and nod my head. I run to hug her and say

“Let’s think this through baby. Whatever is in this book is going to ruin some people’s lives right now okay? I know she ruined yours. I know. But there’s no need to be the same way. Remember what we talked about?”

She looks at me and says

“What?”

I smile and say

“When someone hurts us. We get back up. Stand taller than them. And come back better than ever.”

She huffs and says

“Why though? Why can’t I ruin her life?”

I sigh and say

“Regina. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Don’t be the girl that hurt you first okay? Cady is a horrible person. She will have to deal with the consequences of that. But you are a good person.”

She sniffles and says

“I’m actually not”

I frown and say

“Huh?”

“I’m not a good person.”

I laugh softly and say

“What are you talking about baby?”

She sits up and takes a deep breath. It almost looks like she is preparing herself for me to leave her or something.

“Y/n. You know I am pretty popular right?”

I nod my head and say

“What does popularity have to do with anything?”

She looks down and says

“I’m not just popular. I’m like the head bitch in charge. I rule that fucking school. Every girl wants to be me. And I am mean. I’m a bully. I’ve never been nice to anyone. Not even Gretchen or Karen.”

I look at her confused and say

“What are you talking about? That doesn’t sound like you at all”

She sighs and shakes her head.

“I know. Because I am different around you. You make me a better person. But in reality. I am no better than Cady. There’s this one girl. I used to be friends with her. Her name is Janis. I ruined her life in sixth grade. I told everyone she was a lesbian because she was sad when I didn’t hang out with her because I had a boyfriend.”

I nod my head trying to take all this information in.

“And I bullied her so bad that she lit our shared stuffed animal on fire. Because I was using it to call her a lesbian without her knowing. So she lit it on fire. And then I caught my backpack on fire. I knew that. I knew she didn’t try to light my backpack on fire. And what did i do? I called her a pyro-lez. Everyone bullied her too. Trying to be like me.”

I look down and say

“Wow. That. That’s a lot”

She nods her head and says

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to find out. I thought we’d make it to college and I could be a completely different person. I thought I could run and be the person I want to be. But when you told me that you were switching schools for senior year I freaked out. Started focusing on everything that was happening this year like my body and my school life so that I could get it all this year. Because I knew the second you found out you’d dump me and then I’d become a loser.”

I nod my head as I listen to her.

“Regina?”

She stops and says

“I’m ready. I’m ready for you to break up with me”

I shake my head and say

“I’m not breaking up with you.”

She furrows her eyebrows as I continue.

“I’m sticking with you. Okay? Clearly you have a lot of things you need to work through. And that’s okay. We all do. But I am not leaving you. I love you okay? I love everything about you. And I’m not going to leave you because I know you can be better”

She nods her head and looks away and says

“Y/n? Why do you love me? I’m not pretty anymore”

I scoff and say

“What? You mean because Cady gave you those fuck ass bars? Because you gained a little weight?”

She nods her head and says

“I’m not pretty like I used to be. My body is ruined.”

I sigh and say.

“Take off your shirt”

Her eyes widen and she says

“What?”

I shake my head and say

“I’m not doing anything. Just take off your shirt okay?”

She does so and I get on my knees in between her legs. I kiss her stomach and I say

“I love your stomach. I love your stomach whether it is skinny and tiny or thicker okay?”

I move down and kiss her thighs

“I love your thighs. Whether or not they have a gap okay?”

She nods her head and I start kissing all over her and I say

“I love every inch of you. Every single inch. You having gained a little weight means nothing to me because you’re so so beautiful.”

Then I stand up and kiss her forehead.

“I love your mind. Because deep down I know you are good. If you really weren’t good I would have left you a long time ago. But you are good. You can be good to everyone.”

She tears up and says

“I want to be good”

I smile and say

“You do?”

She nods and says

“But I don’t know how”

I smile and say

“I’ll help you with that. But you have to look at me first and say you’re pretty”

She hesitates and shakes her head. I raise an eyebrow so she rolls her eyes and sighs. Then she mumbles

“I’m pretty”

I smirk and say

“Now mean it”

Once she realizes she’s not getting out of it, she sighs and for real says

“I love my body. I am pretty”

I smile and say

“Good job baby. Now. Let’s talk about what you’re gonna do now okay?”

She nods her head and I say

“So obviously this Janis girl has been hurt by you.”

She nods her head and I continue

“What are you going to do about that?”

She hesitantly says

“I’m gonna apologize?”

I nod my head and say

“Good job baby. You’re gonna apologize and explain to her why you did it all those years.”

She shakes her head and looks at me with pleading eyes and says

“What if she doesn’t care and still hates me?”

I sigh and say

“That’s a very likely possibility Regina. She might hate you. And that’s okay. Sometimes you have to understand that if you apologized, although it doesn’t make what you did right, it means you were willing to reconcile with them. And if they don’t care then that becomes their problem because you did what you could.”

She nods her head and says

“What else am I gonna do?”

I think and say

“You’re gonna burn that”

I point to the burn book she has and she says

“Why?”

I sigh and say

“Gina. You heard me. That book has the ability to ruin someone’s life. Honestly if I was in it and whatever had been written about me had gotten out I’d probably have hurt myself. We don’t want anyone to do that because of us right?”

She nods her head a lot and says

“I don’t want them to hurt”

I nod and say

“So you’re gonna?”

She finishes

“I’m gonna burn it tonight”

I nod and say

“Good job baby”

Then she says

“Let’s do it now.”

I smile and say

“Okay. Let’s do it now.”

We go to the backyard and I grab some lighter fluid from the barbecue pit and Regina throws the burn book in the fire pit.

I hand her the lighter fluid and she squirts some onto it and then I take it and trade her for the lighter.

She turns to me not knowing how to light it and I give her a bit of fire starter and say

“Wanna record it?”

She nods so I grab my phone and she burns the book.

We sit and watch it turn into ashes and I give her a hug. She turns to me and says

“It kind of feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders”

I smile and say

“Good. It should feel that way.”

We put the rest of the fire out and go back inside.

“Okay y/n, what else do I have to do?”

I smile and say

“Well I’m taking you shopping. You can’t go back better than ever wearing the sweatpants that fit you right now. So we’re going to buy some cute clothes in your current size and you’re gonna own it”

She smiles and says

“Okay.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We come back from the shopping spree with two bags in each hand

“That was amazing baby thank you for taking me and spoiling me”

I smile and say

“Anything for my love”

She smiles and then sets out an outfit for the next day.

I smile proudly and she turns around with a doubtful look.

“What if none of it works? What if everyone thinks I’m kidding when I start being nice? What if I don’t get any friends?”

I sigh and say

“It won’t matter. You’ll have me. I’ll always be here for you and next year I’ll be by your side. We are probably getting the same classes since we’re on the same course plan so we’ll have a lot of time together.”

She smiles and says

“Thanks baby you always know how to reassure me.”

I smile and nod.

“Of course baby. You deserve to know you’re not alone”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My school gets off on Fridays so I stayed home while Regina went to school.

She has been texting me all day asking for reassurance that she can do this. And I have nothing to do so I give it.

She is supposed to be talking to Janis this class period since they both have one class.

I told her to do it privately so nobody feels any pressure.

She calls me and I pick up.

“Regina? Baby are you okay?”

“Yeah! I’m good!”

She sounds happy that’s a good sign.

“How’d it go?”

She giggles at someone who is talking to her and she says

“Janis and I talked it out and she’s so fun. I have been talking and laughing with her all period! Thank you for encouraging me to do this.”

I sigh and say

“Did you tell her about the burn book?”

She says

“Mhm. We talked about it and she said I was having problems with internalized homophobia”

I smile and say

“Yeah. That’s probably it. Than what happened?”

“We just started talking and it was like before! When we used to be best friends you know?”

I say

“Mhm”

And she continues

“Hey! So I have to go okay? I don’t want to get in trouble for having my phone out but I just wanted to say that Janis and I are gonna hang out tonight. Is that okay?”

“Yeah that’s fine. Wait before you go did you mean like you’re gonna hang out with her and then hang out with me?”

She giggles at that person again

Probably Janis

“Oh um. I think we’re gonna catch up like a bunch so probably not. We can hang out tomorrow night though right?”

I sigh and say

“Yeah that’s fine baby. Call me tonight?”

She laughs and says

“I will. I love you baby bye bye”

“I love you too bye”

We hang up and I throw my phone on the bed.

Of course I’m a little hurt. We were supposed to go on a date tonight. Like we do every Friday night. But it’s fine. She is just excited about Janis. And that’s okay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My sister comes into my room in the afternoon and says

“You’re not going to Regina’s?”

I shake my head

“But it’s your date night?”

I smile and say

“She’s catching up with an old friend.”

She makes an oh face and leaves me be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’ve been watching movies all evening and it’s almost midnight. I do have to sleep eventually but Regina hasn’t called me yet.

I sigh and accept that she’s not gonna call me tonight so I turn off my tv and go to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wake up and check my phone to hopefully see some texts from Regina but nothing shows up.

Just a few emails and snap streaks.

I check all of Regina’s socials and I see her story.

She went to the movies with Janis to watch Inside Out 2.

We were supposed to watch that together.

I tear up because we had planned that since we first saw the trailers for it.

And she watched it without even a thought of me.

I get lost in my thoughts.

Maybe this was her thing the whole time. She bullied Janis because she liked her. And I was just someone to take her mind off of her. But she got her. And I am gonna be left. And after all I did for her? Are you kidding me?! I helped her. I love her. I have so much up for her. And she’s just gonna drop me for this girl?!

I didn’t realize until my phone started ringing that I am crying.

It’s Regina. I check the time and see it’s noon.

I wipe my tears and make myself a little more presentable even though she can’t see me and I pick up.

“Wow baby. You usually pick up after the first ring”

I laugh and cover up the fact that I was just crying and say

“I was in the bathroom sorry”

She hums and says

“How was your night?”

I sigh and say

“It was fine”

“I’m sorry I didn’t call you. It’s just Janis and I had so much fun and she decided to stay over at my house last night and I felt like I would be a bad friend if I called my girlfriend while she was there.”

“It’s okay Gina. I get it. I just wish you texted me”

“I know I just got caught up and had so much fun and forgot. I’m sorry”

“It’s okay.”

After a pause I decided to bring up the movie and say

“So… you and Janis went to the movies last night?”

She hums and says

“Yeah it was so much fun. You would have loved it.”

I feel another tear coming and I suck it up.

“Yeah. What did you guys watch?”

“We watched.. inside out 2”

She trails off when she realizes what we were supposed to do next week. But before she says anything I say

“So you’re cancelling next week? I mean. It would be kind of wasteful to just watch it again right? Waste of time.”

She sighs and says

“I’m so sorry y/n. I completely forgot. Janis had asked me and I just said yes without thinking. We can still go if you want to?”

I say

“No it’s okay. I’ll watch it when it comes out on Netflix or something. I don’t like the movies anyways.”

Lie. I love the movies.

“Huh. I thought you loved the movies?”

I huff and say

“It’s fine.”

She says

“Janis left a few minutes ago and I called as soon as I could.”

I hum and say

“Oh that’s nice. I’m glad you’re catching up with her”

She then says

“Yeah. Want to hang out today?”

“Uhh I don’t know, I’m kinda busy today. I have a lot of chores to do.”

“Oh. Well I could help you with them! Then we could spend time together and they’ll be finished faster so we can hang out!”

I reluctantly give in. I kind of don’t want to hang out with her since I’m hurt but maybe it’ll be easier to explain to her in person.

“Sure. Come over”

“Okay!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Regina gets to my house and immediately hugs me. I melt into her embrace and say

“Thanks for coming.”

“Of course! Anything to hang out with my person!”

I smile awkwardly and just walk back to my chores.

I start folding clothes and Regina tries to talk to me.

“So. What did you do this morning?”

“Slept in”

“Oh. Um did you sleep alright?”

“I slept fine”

“Okay. Did you have a good day yesterday?”

I sigh and say

“Not really”

This is the perfect set up to tell her how I feel. I need to communicate with her better.

“Oh. Why wasn’t it good?”

I fold the last shirt I have and pick up my pile and take it to my room and Regina follows me.

“I don’t know”

I get scared and shut down a bit but Regina knows this play

“Don’t do that. Tell me why it wasn’t good baby”

I put my clothes in my drawer and pick up some shoes and put them in my closet. I end up picking some stuff up and I’m on my knees by my shoes.

I try to say something but nothing comes out. So Regina peeks her head in and says

“Hello?”

I turn from my spot on the ground and tear up slightly.

“Oh baby! Don’t cry! What happened?”

She comes and sits down next to me in my now cramped closet.

“I don’t know. I’m having a hard time saying it”

“I understand that. Take your time baby. I’m here”

I sigh and smile slightly when I realize she has picked up my words from when we were in this situation but reversed.

“I guess- I- ugh this is so hard”

I run my hands through my hair and Regina just listens. She gives me a reassuring look and I feel better about telling her.

“I am hurt I guess. By you. See I love that you are rekindling a friendship that you lost a long time ago but it’s not like you to dip on me okay!”

She furrows her eyebrows and says

“Dip? We didn’t have any plans last night did we?”

I sigh and say

“It was Friday last night. We always make plans. Remember? It was your week to plan it. But that’s not even the only thing. You dipped on me, which I said it was fine because I knew you were excited about being friends with her again, then you didn’t call me like you said you would. And to top it all off I woke up this morning to see you watched a movie with her that we had plans to watch together! I’m just really hurt that you didn’t remember all of that.”

She looks down feeling bad that she did all of that.

“I’m so sorry y/n”

I look at her and say

“It’s fine. I’m just being over dramatic.”

I wipe my tears and go to get up but she grabs me and says

“No. It’s not fine. You should be my priority. But you were not last night. I got so caught up in me and Janis that I completely forgot about you. And that’s not okay. I should have remembered that you and I were going to watch the movie. I should have remembered to call you. But I didn’t.”

I sigh and say

“I’m sorry I just am jealous I guess. I feel like you never act like this and I got scared that you’d leave me for her because you didn’t want me to begin with. I thought maybe you had wanted Janis but didn’t know if you could have her but you knew you could have me”

She laughs and shakes her head

“No baby. I love you so much. I had a lapse of judgment last night. And I apologize. I don’t like Janis like that. Thank goodness. But I won’t leave you. Ever. And by the way. I really appreciate you telling me this. It can take a lot and you’re helping our relationship be better by communicating with me.”

I smile and say

“Thank you baby I’m sorry I got so worked up. I just let my thoughts get to me.”

She nods and says

“I can relate to that”

I smile and say

“So. What do we do now?”

I look around and she does too. We’re still on the floor of my cramped closet and she says

“I guess we cuddle and watch a movie together?”

I smile and say

“I like that idea.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: this totally went the opposite of what I planned but it’s fine 😚 it’s cute either way. I hope y’all liked it!!

Taglist

@ilovesnat @ihartnat @marvelnatasha12346 @moistblobfish @justarandomreaderxoxo

[sluttyminghao]

kwon soonyoung x jeon wonwoo x reader - suggestive, leaning towards nsfw. unedited

let me know if u want a second part mwah <3

there were two reasons you loved going to the gym past 9pm. reason 1: kwon soonyoung. reason 2: jeon wonwoo.

It started a few months ago, when work had gone into overtime and you couldn't get to the gym until late. it was a way for you to destress and work any extra energy out of your system before your early morning commute. the gym was much quieter now; most gymgoers had retired to their homes and only a few stragglers were left.

today was your day to do cardio, so you headed over to the treadmills and set yourself up. within only moments, your peaceful warm-up was interrupted by two rowdy men, seeming to be shoving each other to try and make the other fall off their treadmills.

you could only roll your eyes and increase your speed to take your mind off them, your walk turning into a jog. they seemed to be having a playful argument of some sort, but if you were completely honest it was just pissing you off.

"can you guys shut up? im trying to concentrate on my workout." your voice was like venom, spitting poisonous words towards the two men who seem astonished that you have a voice and spoke up. they look at each other briefly, before jumping off their own treadmills and walking towards yours.

you feel your heartbeat quicken, and it's not just from the cardio. these two men are insanely attractive, and you've basically just created some kind of dialogue between them which could lead any which way.

"so, the tiger has claws, huh?" the taller of the two comments, watching your chest rise and fall eagerly. you roll your eyes and ignore him, staring straight ahead into the carpark. you can feel their eyes burning into your body, watching it heave with every step on the treadmill.

"what do you guys want?" you huff, slightly slowing down your jogging pace to catch a breather. they once again make eye contact with you, small smirks plastered on their features, and you try so hard not to look at them.

"we want to show you a good time," the shorter one pipes up, his hand slowly trailing along your arm and sending shocks of electricity shooting through your body. it almost makes you trip over your own feet, and makes both men chuckle.

your mind is racing with a million thoughts but mainly narrowed in on what they mean by a good time. the thought of them fucking you here sends a hot flush down your body, and you can feel it pooling in your panties.

"lets go to the sauna, there's no one in there and it's soundproof. by the way, my name is wonwoo and that's soonyoung," the taller one thumbs at the shorter, who shoots you a toothy grin. "why am i telling you our names? because you'll need to know them for later. come and join us in the sauna and we can show you another way to do some cardio, sweetheart."

the pair walk away to the sauna, towels slung over their shoulders and removing their shirts along the way. you gulp and turn off the treadmill, your heartbeat pounding against your ribcage. mindlessly, you let your body move towards the sauna, and are met with two grinning faces, towels hung low on their waists and erections prominent.

"well, lets get that cardio in."

[badmoonriiising]

Regulus should have known following one of Barty's ideas was bad news. His friend is reckless. An idiot whose brain left him too soon. Not for nothing he's always posting those ridiculous pictures of him posing in front of the mirror showing off his bulky muscles. Stupid. Nobody really cares about his Instagram feed, except perhaps Evan.

It's just. Regulus is not built to be a gym person. He had dizziness the first time he went there, making his coach (some guy called Moody who's mad and looks like a bull) believe he didn't even have breakfast that day, thinking he was going through a clinical episode of anemia. His legs are so tiny they look like straws in his sports trunks. He doesn't know how to use the exercise machines. He's sore all the time. He lies about how many series and repetitions he does during arm day. And let's not forget the time he almost fell off the treadmill, distracted looking at this guy with killer abs and ignoring Braty's warning about speed increase.

He just laughed endlessly, until Regulus managed to turn off the fucking treadmill. That bastard, really. He keeps coming to this hell because he already paid for the month. It has nothing to do with abs guy looking so freaking hot, nor Regulus wanting to study anatomy with his body, running his tongue above every muscle.

Somehow, gym pictures are no longer dumb when they come with a boy with hazel eyes hiding behind a pair of glasses. Regulus would have a happy death if it comes with him being strangled between those thighs...

The day Regulus finally falls off the treadmill while distracted with his crush, is the day James Potter talks to him, running like a maniac to lift him from the floor. Regulus can not live with such embarrassment. Too bad he's not going back to the gym this time, because abs guy has been watching him with perhaps more interest than Regulus' this entire time.

[elliespassagerprincess]

wait I’m so curious to the angst fic you wrote to in my feelings - ldr :0 cuz I would’ve never interpret it into an angst fic! Do you think you can publish that one too? No pressure! 💕

In my feelings - (ellie williams x reader)

Hi anon, here she is! I hope you enjoy <3

This story is based off the song in my feelings by Lana Del Rey, if you can please listen to the song as you're reading:) This was originally a smut fic. You can read it here, but this wonder anon requested a angst edition, so yes.

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

requests are always open, feel free to leave one:)

Warnings: toxic situationship

Summary: In which you fell for a loser

Authors note: i know I've not been that active and I'm so sorry. Life has just been busy, i have to write exams, i have a surgery on Thursday so it's been tense lmao, but I'm trying. Please be patient with me <3

I'm smoking while I'm runnin' on my treadmill

But I'm cutting up roses

Could it be that I fell for another loser

I'm crying while I'm cummin'

Making love while I'm making good money

Sobbin' in my cup of coffee

'Cause I fell for another loser

"Could it be that I fell for another loser?" You asked Dina as the cigarette smoke left your plush lips.

You heard Dina snort beside you.

"probably, she looks like she could be one, and she treats you like shit" she shrugged"

you shook your head at her honesty.

It's embarrassing honestly. You truly did have a type for losers.

People who couldn't make eye contact with you. People who would fold as soon as you gave them your pretty smile. You had the control, but yet anything you had with these people weren't real love. It was purely lust. It was fun.

You liked being in control, you liked breaking them.

But with Ellie it was different.

You met Ellie at a gym.

She caught you eye immediately. She was perfect. Her autumn brown hair tied in a tight ponytail, she was wearing pink leggings with a matching sports bra. The sweat on her forehead glistening under the light of the gym.

If god was real this pretty girl would be in your bed by the end of the night

You ran on the treadmill for a while, trying to ignore the pretty girls eyes. You saw her watching you though the mirror. You felt her eyes trail down your body.

Maybe she wanted you like you wanted her.

After a while you tried leaving the gym, you lit a cigarette as you walked out, your bag hung on your shoulder.

"Hi"

you flinched at the strange voice.

Oh. It was her.

Pink tight girl.

"Hey" you responded.

You saw her gaze fall to the floor as she shyly muttered "I'm Ellie"

What a fucking loser. She couldn't even look at you.

You loved her already.

You gave her your name, and you listened as it fell from her tongue multiple time. She was testing the was your name tasted on her tongue and she loved it.

"Those are bad for you" she pointed out you shrugged

"it makes me look hot, doesn't it?" Was all you said as you took another puff, throwing your head back as the smoke filled the air.

You felt her eyes on you, and you heard her audibly gulp.

"Doesn't it Ellie?" you persisted

"yeah- yeah it does"

you gave her a smile, and before you waved goodbye she handed you a paper. With a raised eyebrow you opened it and in a messy handwriting was her number.

You looked at her and she looked away, she couldn't make eye contact with you.

All you could do was smirk, they were always so fucking easy to make nervous.

"I'll call you" you winked.

Now here you stood 5 weeks later, sobbing into a cup of coffee because you fell for a fucking loser.

Get that cigarette smoke out of my face

You've been wasting my time

While you're taking what's mine, with the things that you're doing

Talk that talk, well now they all know your name

And there's no coming back from the place that you came

Baby don't do it

you don't know what happened with Ellie.

The girl you called a loser once, the girl who fell to her knees when you smiled is suddenly a cold hearted person.

"Get that cigarette smoke out of my face" Ellie huffed as she sat across you.

You rolled your eyes before you put the cigarette out.

"Ellie calm down so we can talk"

"talk about what? You're wasting my time with this"

your jaw dropped at her words.

'What a fucking bitch' you thought to yourself.

"I'm wasting your fucking time? Ellie don't make me mad because I will fucking slap you"

she looked taken aback at your harsh words, her cheeks tined in a pink color.

Her eyes fell to the floor, and for a second you saw her.

Your Ellie.

The loser you fell for.

But she suddenly got up muttering "I will not be disrespected by someone like you", and she walked out of your apartment. The door slammed and you were left alone.

The silence was so loud.

There was no coming back from this.

The more time you spent with Ellie, the more you discovered about her. She used to be so sweet.

You remembered your first date, she couldn't even hold your hand and she constantly apologized for everything.

She was a fucking loser.

But one day someone said that Ellie was out of your league. You knew she was. Some like Ellie deserved someone better, but yet you thought she fell for you.

That day changed everything. Ellie's eyes widened at the person's comment and she was quieter than usual that day.

The next time you saw her, she was a whole new person. Her entire persona changed. Her hair, makeup, style, even the way she fucking walked changed.

You were happy that she had confidence, but you found out she was seeing other people behind your back.

Despite never being official it hurt.

You knew Ellie could talk to whoever she wanted to, but you thought you had something special.

One night when Ellie was sleeping over, you asked her the question.

"What are we?"

she never replied.

Every fucking time you brought it up, she always walked away.

What a fucking loser. What a fucking pussy.

Even today, you invited her over to talk. To see if she liked you. You needed closure because truthfully you fell for the autumn brown headed girl.

You just had to make sure.

And to hear her say that you were wasting her time was fucking sick.

She was wasting yours with her games.

And here you thought you had actually met a loser worth your time.

'Cause you got me in my feelings (catch you, it's so much right now)

Talking in my sleep again (you can whistle if you want)

Drown out all our screaming (catch you, it's so much right now)

Who's tougher than this bitch

Who's free-er than me

You wanna make the switch

Be my guest baby

I'm feeling all my fucking feelings

you wish you could sleep right now. You were tired, and you didn't have any energy for bullshit.

Ellie's rant had begun after she spotted you and Dina getting lunch earlier.

Wow so you can't breathe the air of another girl but she can fuck someone else? That's wonderful logic!

But you sat here listening to Ellie yelling at you for some reason.

You wish you could drown put her screaming.

"Ellie can you just shut the fuck up!" you yelled.

You had enough of her mixed signals. You had enough of her practically cheating on you. You were tired.

"How dare you talk to me like that-" but before Ellie could end up yelling again you got up, pushing her against the wall.

"How dare I? How dare you! You fucking lead me on for weeks, then you freak out when I hang out with another girl! Ellie you are really fucking stupid" you said though heavy breathes.

Ellie stared at you with wide eyes.

There she is.

The girl you thought you had a chance with.

You took a step back, shaking your head and chuckling.

"You really are a fucking loser, how could I fall for someone like you?" You asked yourself.

Ellie heard.

She got up walking to you, she placed her hands on your shoulders "i-i like you. A lot. I just didn't know how to express myself- and- you made me so nervous so I thought I could make you j-jealous"

you shrugged her hands off your shoulders and you took another step back.

"That's not how relationships work Ellie, you ruined this yourself"

"Please listen-"

"get the fuck out"

Ellie sighed before she got up. She was on her way to the door, and she looked back at you for the last time.

"smoking is bad for you" she said with a sad smile.

You chucked at her words before responding "it makes me look hot doesn't it?"

"It really does"

you watched as Ellie walk out the door, you lit another cigarette.

As the smoke filled the air, like it has countless times before. you let out a sigh at the realization: you fell in love with another loser.

[kissorkill16]

Who's The Traitor?: A Hello Neighbor Fanfic

By JJ

Summary: When you're so stressed from all of the shit you found out to try and save your friend, sometimes you just got to snap.

Trinity frustratedly pulled out black feathers from her hair.

"God, that was so intense!", said Enzo. "I ran so fast, I think I might be on a treadmill. I can still feel myself running!"

"Shut up, dork! I had to carry your sister on my damn back!", said Delroy.

Maritza rolled her eyes, "Oh please, it wasn't that bad! Just be glad I didn't keep hitting you on your ass like a damn horse."

As they fought, Finch and Nicky exchanged a look, then they shrugged. Meanwhile, Trinity was clutching at her window sill so hard, she could rip it off.

"How the hell did they know where we'd all be?"

Everyone turned to look at her.

"Trinity, what're you talking about?", asked Delroy. "Are you okay?"

Trinity turned to look at Delroy, her face blank now. "How did they know where we'd all be?", she repeated.

Delroy tapped his chin, "No idea.", he said. "Luck, I guess? Or maybe someone gave away our location."

"But how?", asked Finch. "No one else knows about this case except us."

As they thought, Trinity paced back and forth in her room. Then she came up with a disturbing realization...

One of them was a traitor.

"You're right, Finch.", she said, her voice terrifyingly high-pitched. "No one else knows about Crowface except us. That could only mean one thing. One of us is working for the Forest Protectors."

Everyone else was shocked.

Delroy stepped up, "Hold up. What makes you think we're working for him? How do we know you're not working for him?"

"Because I'm the one who started this whole damn investigation, Delroy! Why the hell would I, the leader, the one who suggested we investigate Crowface, betray my own damn team?! Huh?! Answer me that!"

As she ranted, she kept stepping towards Delroy, making the boy shrink back.

No one has ever seen Trinity this angry before. Everyone around the room looked pretty damn terrified, even Maritza.

"Trin, Delroy isn't the traitor.", Finch said, stepping in between her and Delroy. Trinity let out a dry laugh.

"You're right. He isn't.", she said. "But YOU are!"

She continued on with her ranting. "How could I forget about the person who's been a total bitch from the start?! Taking pictures and putting them all around the school to embarrass the victim? Yeah, you're not the traitor at all!"

"I'm not.", the girl scout begged Trinity, "I'm trying to be good. And let's not forget who broke my camera!"

Just then, Maritza stood up. "Trinity, calm the hell down! You need to freaking chillax before you have a fucking stroke!"

"SHUT UP, BITCH! GOD, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIND OUT WHO'S UNDER THAT FUCKING MASK IF THERE'S A TRAITOR IN MY GROUP?!", Trinity yelled. "OUT! OUT! ALL OF YOU, GET OUT!!!"

Everyone quickly walked out of her room. All except Nicky.

Nicky stayed on her bed, then he reached into his backpack and pulled out a small container of white and gray pills.

"Trinity.", he said, putting one in his hand. "I want you to take this."

Trinity turned around and looked at the pill in her friend's hand. "What's that for?", she asked, sounding a little more calmer than before.

"My therapist prescribed them to me. Apparently, they make you fall asleep and turn all of your senses off completely. They've been working for me, so I thought maybe they'd work for you."

Trinity held her hand up. "I don't need those."

"Maybe not, but you do need to calm down.", said Nicky. "You've been pushing yourself too hard to unmask Crowface these past few weeks, you're yelling at your own friends and accusing them of being traitors. Please just take one Trinity. Just one, just to give you a well-deserved rest."

Trinity thought about it for a minute, then she took the pill in her hand.

"I'm going home. I'll see you tomorrow.", said Nicky before leaving the room.

Trinity stared at the pill in her hand, not really sure about it. But looking back at how she acted to her friends, maybe she had gone a tad overboard.

She sat down on her bed, put the pill in her mouth, and swallowed it. She felt all of her muscles relax, and she fell backwards onto her soft bed, falling asleep.

[saintsenara]

SORRY I KNOW ITS WEIRD ASKING A HP TUMBLR BLOG FOR LIFE ADVICE BUT IM SO CURIOUS HOW DO YOU MANAGE YOUR TIME

this is a genuine answer.

i think it's very important for there to be no doubt about the fact that - without medication - i would be fucked. there are plenty of non-medical ways of helping to manage adhd, but stimulant medication is the frontline treatment for a reason - no matter what the latest moral panic says. you cannot girlboss your way out of having an incurable neurological condition - and i will be honest that the few people in my life who think that you can are also the few people in my life i consider to be actively contemptible.

time management starts and ends with easily having executive function - and "easily" is the operative word. i can - of course - survive without medication - but i do so while stalked by a constant state of nervous energy which is just exhausting. not least because it ruins my sleep.

[the experience of realising that - no - you're not semi-nocturnal, you've just never before been properly calm the first time you take your pills... exquisite.]

and when i'm in the state of relative normality that legal amphetamine use brings, i manage my time by...

1. wearing a watch

no checking the time on my phone - i'll just get distracted by scrolling.

2. setting huge numbers of alarms

beat time-blindness with this one weird trick.

bonus points - if you're someone who finds it hard to switch between tasks or gets stuck hyper-focusing on things, then set the alarm and then put the device it's on far enough away from you that you have to move in order to turn it off.

3. putting everything on the wall

if you are dopamine-challenged, the best tip i can give you is that you are deluding yourself if you think you can use normal diaries/planners/to-do lists. this is why you probably have cupboards full of them.

stick everything on the wall, where you can see it, and set it up in a way that you can easily move tasks around [i.e. by using a whiteboard you can erase, or sticking your planner inside a plastic wallet and writing on it, or by having everything on sticky notes you can move around].

numbered task lists [i have to do x first, then move onto y] are a no-go - because if you don't do x, then you won't move onto y. but having groups of tasks - organised by urgency or difficulty, for example - which are right there in front of you can be selected from work much better with the adhd brain.

4. being a shark

by which i mean, being constantly on the move. desk chairs are the enemy. never sit still.

if you have adhd - and, to be frank, even if you don't - you will find that doing something physical while you need to concentrate on a task improves your ability to focus on that task. it also helps with managing time-blindness, task-switching, hyper-focus which is to the detriment of what you're supposed to be doing, and being easily distracted.

when i'm at work i literally never sit down. i use a standing desk [which, if you have a diagnosis of adhd and you're uk-based, counts as a reasonable adjustment your employer has to provide for you, fyi], and i have an under-desk treadmill [which i had to pay for myself, which i do not regret in the slightest] for tasks which really need a lot of effort to power through.

at home, i have an adjustable desk which i use as a standing desk or which i sit at while using an under-desk bike [which i use when i'm likely to get stuck hyper-focusing on something and need not to be - like if i'm writing fic but i need to meet up with friends at a certain time - because it's really uncomfortable and it therefore compels me to get up] or an exercise ball [the effort of not falling off really helps with concentration].

obviously, these types of movement are possible for me because i'm not physically disabled - it will look different for everyone, but any level of physical movement [including using fidget toys] helps with time management by improving focus.

5. body-doubling

this is a classic adhd-and-productivity thing, which means having someone physically with you while you work. they're not there to supervise you [or indeed to engage with you at all] - they're working on their own things - but the way that the adhd brain is primed for pattern recognition [and is very good at mimicry] means that you end up falling into the same rhythm as the other person.

if you need to complete something in a finite amount of time, then having someone you can body-double with is really useful, because you're less likely to get distracted from or overwhelmed by the task at hand. similarly, having a double helps prevent you getting stuck hyper-focusing.

6. owning my shit

everyone - even the most neurotypical of people - is late, or misses deadlines, or forgets meetings, or puts off tasks sometimes. it will happen no matter how brilliant your organisational system is. it's part of life.

but if you have adhd, it's very easy to fall into "well, this is just what i'm like" thinking - both self-critically ["i can't improve this, i'm a fuck-up"] and self-indulgently ["he has no right to be angry at me for being late for his party, he knows i have adhd"].

untrue. if you struggle with time management you have a responsibility to get a grip on aspects of those struggles which inconvenience other people. you will have to be quite strict with yourself in order to do this - i've ended up in a position, for example, where i'm always extremely [and often inconveniently - i do a lot of lurking outside the function waiting until it's time to go in] early for things. this is because i know that if i give myself an inch ["oh, i can wait fifteen minutes before leaving, it'll be fine!"] then i'll take a mile ["fuck, i should have left half an hour ago"].

so too with tasks. that "you can do this later... just go on your phone for a bit" voice is the devil speaking. do not listen.

i'm afraid that i've not found this becoming more intuitive with time - i have to be constantly strict with myself, in a way that neurotypical people don't - but it's just the way it is, you just have to do your best.

be community-minded about the things you need to do, be proactive in identifying what your weak areas are and thinking about how you can get around them [as i've said, mine is being late, and so i'm always hyper-alert about not slipping into complacency around this] forgive yourself for the odd slip, say sorry without caveats to people you inconvenience, thank people who are gracious, and extend grace in turn.

7. taking every bit of help going

i'm open about my diagnosis at work - which is a piece of good fortune which isn't available to everyone.

[although, if you're uk-based, a diagnosis of adhd counts as a disability under the equality act - your employer is obligated to make reasonable adjustments for you, you can't be dismissed just for having adhd, and you are entitled to bring a claim of disability discrimination if you are not provided with reasonable adjustments. you are also entitled to apply for an access to work grant - which provides financial assistance for adjustments which fall outside of the reasonable costs your employer is legally obliged to incur.]

i have adjustments at work [not only my standing desk, but things like permission to record meetings and to have all instructions issued in writing] and i feel absolutely no shame over it. if i can get something for free from the government to make my life easier, i will take it.

i am also absolutely shameless about taking advantage of my colleagues to help with time management - using them as body doubles, or asking them to get me from my office so i'm not late to things, for example - and i take advantage of my friends and family along the same lines.

human beings are social creatures - this is literally what we're designed to do - and it's incredibly important to reject the "i owe nobody anything" paradigm [which is one of the most egregious crimes of modern, poorly-regulated therapy]. i receive support, and i repay it turn by doing things for the people who help me.

8. constantly having a little treat

i am a grown adult with three degrees and a mortgage. i have also been known to use a star chart for a little flutter of pride in myself.

if you have a time management triumph, give yourself a little treat. you deserve it.

[hope-to-hell]

Winter’s bite. Helmut Zemo x Reader. Smut, bondage, s/m dynamics, brief wounds/broken bones, post-unsnapping. This is a conversation, a persuasion, an attack on dignity and a breaking-open of the hollows left inside those who were gone-then-not. Zemo has some trouble dealing with loss.

—-

Hey, yeah, listen. I know it’s been a while, and I guess maybe you’re not so thrilled to see me but here we are and you said talk, so I’m gonna talk and you’re gonna listen; maybe you’ll find those little tells you’re hoping for. There’s been all this running and hiding and yeah, sure, a little bit of dying— but don’t hold it against me. It’s like this: here one minute and gone the next, which doesn’t matter much because if you’re nothing then you’ve got nothing to worry about, ya dig?

Well. Until everyone and their dog gets unsnapped and suddenly you’re looking at your own shinbones all wet and sticky because you were thirty feet up the side of a building that doesn’t exist anymore. Listen, I didn’t want to see my own marrow and I know you don’t want to hear about it either, but I’m one of the lucky ones. Lot of people were falling out of the sky, you know. They came back but their airplanes didn’t. And there’s others, too: so many of us were in the wrong place all of a sudden, part of the miraculous rebirth for less than a heartbeat before dying in some stupid way or other.

Maybe we just should’ve stayed gone. Maybe then there’d be at least an ending even if there was never any closure, but like. Coming back has been this weird no-man’s-land where I’m legally dead, physically alive, and mentally still five years in the past. So yeah. Maybe bringing us back was a mistake. Z doesn’t agree, but then again he’s real close with loss; he wears it on his chest in bloody ribbons and he’ll tell you no no, nothing personal, don’t take it so hard when he’s stepping on your neck. ‘Course it’s personal, though. It always is with him: he’ll take your eye for a slight, and for losing a loved one? Christ, he’ll burn the world. Don’t make him angry, and for fucksake don’t take from him, because he’s got a long memory and a hell of a lot of imagination in the whole pain-and-suffering department.

So anyway. I’m laying there with pins in my legs and my ears all full of beep beep beep every time my vitals go a little wacky, and this motherfucker comes strolling in with a face like he’s filing taxes— you know, that neutral if I must with just a tinge of murder underneath— and all he says is hmm. No hi how are you, no thank the stars you’re safe, just that look. He’s gonna take whatever’s in his head and let it eat at him until it all comes pouring out, and when it does— oh, it’s really gonna be something.

Like now.

Do you know why you’re here? he’s asking, but it’s not a question, not really. It’s a trap. Not like there’s anything to do but see this through; he’s real fucking good with rope and he’s made sure to get the knots right over the most painful pressure points. And it’s cold; everything he says hangs solid in the air, like he could grab hold of his you were gone, you left and drive it deep, past bone and meat right down to where my heart’s beating hard enough to crack ribs, and listen. Listen. Fuck. I know maybe this part makes you feel all icky but you’re gonna hear it anyway. And hell, maybe it’ll get you feeling all antsy. Maybe you’ll be jerking off to this in the middle of the night. I don’t mind.

I just wanna make sure you know he waited til all my bones were knitted together, all those strands of shredded muscle repaired and revitalized— and I don’t want to see another treadmill as long as I live; I walked backwards on that fucking thing for hours— he waited with the patience of a thousand fallen saints so he could wake me up one midnight with his gloved hand heavy over my mouth and and his breath carrying ice into my ear. You are well, he said, like he was talking about the weather, but you know it’s always winter wherever he goes. You are well, you are whole, but through all those years there was a rift in the world in the shape of your flesh.

So, anyway. Buckle up, big guy; I know you’re desperate to know where he’s gone, and I know it’s more than anger, more than vengeance; you think I can’t see it but it’s all over your face. You’re not as good a liar as you ought to be after— well. Don’t let me get off track here, not when I’m about to get to the juicy part. Now, where was I? Right.

So there I am buck-ass naked— ha— with my knees going all pitted from kneeling on concrete, tied up tighter than anything, and he’s even got mirrors all around because you know how Z is. You know he wants you to see exactly what he’s doing to you from every angle but it’s more than that: this way he can see the effect of every little thing he does, every tiny detail he adds to make sure he’s got you exactly where he wants you to be. If I could move enough to look down, I bet I’d see rice all over the floor, though I wouldn’t be surprised if it was thousands of tiny garnets. Like I said, details. If he’s gonna make it hurt, you can bet he’ll do it beautifully.

Have you ever been fingered by a man in leather gloves? Listen. It’s— it’s a lot, especially when he’s crouched down right there with me, one hand wrapped around the ropes at my back and the other one two fingers deep and thrusting hard. No warmup, no preamble, just the sound of his boots, then that nasty spit-slicked do you understand grief? Have you felt the bile that chokes, or the bruises that bloom across your ribcage from the inside?

Five years. Maybe I can’t fathom it, but fuck can I ever feel it; the next time he moves that hand there’s another finger and he’s got to be spreading them wide as he can because between that and the leather I’m gonna split apart. Five years. Can you picture it? God, I hope you can. I hope you think about it later, when you’re alone and needing to get off so bad. Maybe I’ll think about you thinking about me and him, touching myself and feeling your eyes on me even from another room. Would you like that? Or would you like it better if I was bound, squirming and helpless, desperate for what I can’t have?

Either way, I want this right at the front of your mind: Zemo with his punishing hands, composure in shreds, pulling me apart from the inside and neither of us has any words left, just these snarls and whimpers all mixed together til it doesn’t matter who they’re coming from anymore. He made me come, of course he did; he ripped it right out of me with a twist and shove, every bruise tied together with this bright-burning silver thread.

You know I couldn’t help leaving; we’re alike in that regard, but has anyone ever given you what you’ve needed so badly since you came back? No. I can see it: you’re so full of guilt you haven’t earned, and sorrows you haven’t let yourself begin to feel. But you can take that rawness and put it to work; you’re a good man who got a bad deal and you have to know that. I see it; he sees it.

He’s on his way; any minute now those doors will open and he’ll be there with that half-smile, the one that says I’ve got a little secret; for all your efforts, you can’t find him until he wants to be found. You’ll see him dressed for the cold, rubbing his thumb over the knuckles of his left hand. It’ll look artless, casual, but you know what it’ll mean. He’ll make you an offer— and you really, really oughta take it. After all, I wouldn’t have come here if it wasn’t worthwhile. And yeah, I know you were expecting to have to pry it out of me, maybe reach down deep for those parts of you that you wish you’d burned away, the parts of you that get answers out of tight lips, but here we are. Everything is on the table— well, not everything; there’s got to be something left for later, but I think you’ll find it in your favor— and everything I’ve said tonight is true.

It still aches, even now. I can still feel the stitching along the sides of his fingers, not to mention all those tiny pocked bruises on my knees, all those knots pressed deep, his coat buttons imprinted on my spine from where he fell against my back and let his words fall wetly on me. I will move heaven and earth to keep you here. You mustn’t doubt that. And I believe him, James. I really do.

[pknn18]

A blog post about South Park, Chef, Issac Hayes, and Scientology

I'm already kind of preemptively looking for things to focus on for my next video while I'm still working on another script. And so I think "Oh yeah, Exploding Rabbit, what the hell happened to that guy?" It could be explained just by looking at his small Wikitubia page and his YouTube. And while there's obviously.a way to turn it into a short video, it honestly was just kind of lame and even deflating seeing what happened explained so plainly.

Now, I have a better idea for a essay and an excuse to be a dork about something other than video games. Issac Hayes, South Park, and his exit from South Park along with his character's exit. Because upon kind of reluctantly revisiting the episode where Chef is killed off, "The Return of Chef"

Holy shit, this is one spitefully made episode, like Matt and Trey don't just assassinates Chef's character for the plot and thinly veiled Scientology reference, they fucking nuke it until it's turned into ash and soot. Like, this is probably more of their more vitriolic driven episodes besides "Mecha-Streisand" and "The Biggest Douche in The Universe". They're very clearly mad at Hayes' departure from Scientology, perhaps they found it insulting considering the show Hayes was signed up for. 

In the episode, Chef had left South Park, depicted in a "Previously on.." sequence that doesn't actually continue off of anything, very funny. Some time later, he returns to the town, but something's off about him. For starters, they didn't get Hayes to record new audio for Chef, for obvious reasons. Instead, they make him speak with comically spliced archive audio from over the years. Oh yeah, also he's a pedophile now. He joined a club named the Super Adventure Club, which is a club for: pedophiles. And also a less than thinly veiled stand-in for Scientology, with Hayes being Chef.

 Later in the episode, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny manage to undo Chef's brainwashing from the Super Adventure Club, but SAC - I'm calling them that now - manages to re-brainwash him. This pisses off God, aka Matt and Trey, and as Chef crosses the bridge back to SAC, a lightning bolt hits the bridge, causing it to break and for Chef to fall to his death. 

This death is probably one of the most brutal and vicious in the entire series and is pretty much the peak of this episode’s treatment of the Chef character. However, It is followed up by a rather touching eulogy from Kyle at Chef's funeral that serves as a message that although Chef, or rather, Hayes, is no longer on the show, his character will still be remembered by the townspeople and by extension, the audience. Then they cut to a Star Wars prequel parody and SAC turns Chef into Darth Chef so he can diddle more kids.

This is a really harsh way for them to depart with the character and Hayes and I have the suspicion they didn't immediately know the truth behind his departure at the time.

He suffered a stroke in 2006 which left him very shaken mentally to say the least. Scientology, the absolute fucking scumbags they are, took advantage of them and basically told him to quit, which he did while not in sound mind at the time. This all comes from his son, Issac Hayes III, who revealed all of this information ten years after The Return of Chef aired in 2016. This information would also reveal that Matt and Trey were aware of some funny business, though whether they knew as they were writing the script for The Return of Chef, I couldn't tell you. Tragically, Issac Hayes passed away in 2008. And just as bad, it's unfortunately, it's quite likely Scientology had something to do with Hayes' death. 

When his body was found, it was next to a treadmill that was still running. A victim of a stroke running a treadmill raises some questions. Ordinarily, one would see a neurologist and a psychiatrist for a thing like a fucking STROKE. But one of the things that we know about Scientology that we probably weren't supposed to know initially is that they make you sign a form prohibiting "psychiatric or mental assistance". This specific quote is from Roger Friedman's article where he explains Issac Hayes' history with Scientology, but this was also common knowledge by the time that article was written and published. Not only that, but Scientology even has a page discussing why they're against psychiatry, but I'm not giving them traffic. Anyway, most likely Scientology placed Issac under some strange kind of workout routine just so he wouldn't run to a neurologist or psychiatrist.

It is absolutely depressing what cults can do individuals as it did in this instance. They try to chip away at that individual's personality so that they act in only the cult's best interest. This can affect relationships, personal or business, which of course ruins the individual's life. But that won't matter because if all goes well, their life belongs to the cult. Yeah, this is a "no shit" string of texts but I just wanted to reiterate: Scientology' fucking suckssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

I do apologize if this blog post isn't perfect - this swelled from what happened in the beginning and I just kinda kept going. This was done in a day, and not in a very long period of time. This is essentially just a organized infodump. If you actually fucking read this however, thank you.

Also yeah I watched the hbomberguyvideo I might've absorbed some of his style in the process OOPS-

[theoddcatlady]

What to Expect When You���re Expecting

When I first found out I was pregnant, I really felt like I was in over my head. I mean, me, a mom? I can barely take care of myself, let alone even imagine taking care of a baby. But thankfully for me, I had my boyfriend’s mom was in my corner. My own mom’s a fuck up and none of my girl friends have kids yet, but the moment Amy found out I was pregnant she immediately came through. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her great advice, so I’ve decided to share it with anyone and everyone that I can!  

1. Be prepared for the mood swings.

I’m already an emotional person but jeez. I literally burst into tears over dropping a tomato. My poor boyfriend, hah. Shawn’s a great guy but has no idea what to do when women start crying, so he just backed out of the kitchen. Moments later, Amy came in with a tissue box and some comforting words. She finished up dinner for me too, and lemme tell you, Amy’s a fantastic cook. Taco Tuesday is now her place.  

2. Morning sickness. You’re not ready.

No, really. One, it’s not just a ‘morning’ thing, whoever calls it morning sickness should be taken out back and shot. Two, for me? It’s lasted this whole damn time. I am constantly sick. Doctors felt bad but really didn’t have much to offer for advice. Amy comforted me, saying that she was the same when she was carrying Shawn. Sometimes I just have to grin and bear it.  

3. You can’t do as much as you used to before the pregnancy started.

Can’t eat sushi. Can’t drink alcohol. Caffeine is restricted to ‘practically fucking never’. And going for my regular morning walk in the woods nearly gave Amy a heart attack. She was probably scared I was going to fall or something, but it was still heartbreaking. I love walking in the woods! Walking on the treadmill just isn’t the same. But anything for the baby’s health, I guess. I’m going to take SO many walks when this kid is out of me.

4. Your body’s going to turn against you.

Honestly, you’d think your body would be NICER to you when you’re growing another human being. Hah. No. No, it’s not. Every pregnancy’s different, Amy tells me, and I never knew half the things that could happen while you’re pregnant. Swollen feet, constantly having to pee, I think everyone knows that happens. But spitting up blood and phlegm, nosebleeds so bad I end up lightheaded for the rest of the day, not to mention the marks that keep showing up on my body, like someone’s been scratching me in my sleep… icky! Maybe it’s just me though, I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. Sometimes I can’t stop scratching until I bleed. Dunno how I scratch my own back though, but you can do weird things when you sleep.

5. Nightmares.

I didn’t find anything on the internet about this, but Amy reassured me that weird dreams are perfectly normal, because hormones or whatever. But my god, I never knew they’d get so graphic!  

I’m not really a horror movie person, or horror anything really. But the things that have appeared in my dreams… it’s really something else. Monsters that look like spiders or scorpions, with snapping mandibles and claws that rip my legs off and tear open my chest… I know you can’t feel pain in your dreams but I scream in agony when they pull out my heart and shred it into little pieces.

When I wake up, I’m usually crying. Shawn comforts me, calms my fears and reminds me that it’s all a dream even if my chest still twinges and aches by the time morning comes. I’m so lucky to have such a supportive partner.

6. Blood.

I had to get over being so squeamish by my second trimester. I brought up the nosebleeds earlier, but I swear I bleed like a stuck pig if I so much as get a paper cut. Maybe Amy was right about not letting me out of the woods, or really too far away from the house- who knows what’ll happen if I get a real injury? Yikes!  

It’s more scary when blood starts dripping from my ears or my eyes, but it doesn’t hurt, strangely enough. Amy’s told me pregnancy does all sorts of weird things to the body, after all, and Shawn seems to think it’s normal enough. So I just have to deal with it until the due date.

7. Overprotective loved ones.

This really isn’t about me, it’s about my boyfriend and his mom. I guess it’s just natural to worry about the pregnant lady. It’s kinda nice, sometimes, even if it can be suffocating. Like I said above, they don’t like me leaving the house too much, they’re afraid I’ll get hurt and before I can get help things will get real bad. I don’t think I’ve left the house since I’ve started the third trimester. It isn’t so bad, Shawn and Amy run all the errands, but I kind of miss my friends… well, they’ll still be there once this is all over, so it’s all for the better!

8. People will not leave you ALONE once you start showing

Everyone has their own pregnancy advice, even if they’ve never been pregnant. And I gotta say, not all of it is good, or even nice. I didn’t even know when I was pregnant when this old crone took one look at me and began shrieking about how I was carrying some sort of ‘corrupt child’. I did initially chalk that one up to complete whackadoodle. But who knows, maybe I was showing more than I thought. But yeah, when I was still going out, people’s reactions varied from judgmental since I was an unwed mom to a little… too supportive. Like this one time I was walking down the street, a guy literally stopped his car, got out, congratulated me on being pregnant, and asked if I was getting enough ‘nourishment’. LITERALLY could not get out of there fast enough. So if you’re wondering why I’m not complaining about overprotective boyfriend and overprotective boyfriend’s mom, THAT’S why.

9. Cravings.

What mom doesn’t know how weird pregnancy cravings get?

Man, I am still so embarrassed to say this. Just before I entered the second trimester, I was cleaning out a room we were going to use for a nursery when I moved a box and saw a giant spiderweb in the corner. Paired, of course, with a big ass spider sitting in the center. Gross, right? I was a total arachnophobic… well, I was.

Spiders, it turns out, actually don’t taste too bad. I didn’t even realize what I’d done until I licked one of the legs off my lips. Granted, I was originally horrified, but Amy comes in for the save by letting me know she’d eaten a litter of ‘pinkies’ when she was pregnant with Shawn- baby mice. That didn’t help at the time, but now I realize that what I’m going through is perfectly normal.  

Thankfully no more spiders have been eaten, but that’s thanks to Amy’s meal plans. I don’t know what she puts in it all, but I don’t find myself going up to the attic to hunt bugs anymore, so I’m not going to ask questions.

10. Nothing will ever be the same.

I’m never alone anymore. Even when Shawn and Amy are running errands, I don’t feel alone. Sometimes I feel like I’m being watched, but then I remind myself that I really am not alone.

I have my baby. He’s moving more and more, I can see his hands press up against my belly sometimes. He’s always with me. And when he’s born, goodbye alone time and goodbye always being free to do whatever I want.  

But I don’t care. I’m so happy to be having this baby. I can’t wait to see how much he looks like his father. And I’m so glad Shawn’s going to help me raise this little one. Next time it’ll be his baby I’m carrying, for sure.  

[yellowkitkieran]

What the Heart Wants: Part 5

Read part 4 here

Masterlist

Word Count: 3.1k

Summary: Kieran is your best friend’s older brother. Your best friend’s fit older brother that you definitely haven’t had a crush on for years. Not at all. And he certainly doesn’t like you back, that would be absurd...

Under normal circumstances, training days before matches are Kieran's favorite. There is a certain buzz in the air that is impossible to replicate by artificial means. Everyone chats while they work, helping each other identify weak points in the opposite team to exploit. He and his teammates work ten times harder as well, confident in their abilities. 

Today though? Kieran would rather be just about anywhere else on the planet. He'd rather be knee deep in a pit of sticky, hot tar than have to deal with the man who's been glued to his side since he walked in the door, bombarding him with questions about you. 

"Why do you call her Bug?"

Though Aaron's question is innocent, it grates on Kieran's nerves.

"Because she hates bugs," he answers sharply, focusing on the weight he's benching instead of his mate spotting him with a wistful, far off look in his eye. 

"End of?" 

"Yeah." Not really. But yes, as far as Aaron needs to know. Kieran came up with the nickname because you were always smaller than him growing up, and considering how small he was, that was a significant difference. The fact that you hated the nickname at first only made Kieran more determined to ensure it stuck, because your nose always scrunched up and he liked that.

Even ages ago, Kieran should've recognized the crush he had on you.

Now, he's screwed himself because you're in love with Aaron or whatever. Kieran lost his chance. Hell, he's not sure you even consider him a friend anymore- after the interaction he had with you last night, he'd guess not. 

"She's coming to the match this weekend," Aaron states, like Kieran wants to know every detail of your life. In truth he couldn't care less how you spend your time. "And she's staying at mine which means I'll get all the good luck wishes I could ever need." 

Aaron laughs, jostling Kieran's shoulder when he sits up. His laugh quickly fizzles out when he notices the tension in Kieran's jaw. 

"I'm joking mate, I know you see her like a little sister-"

"I don't care what you two do," Kieran snaps, immediately regretting it when Aaron's face falls. "She's not my sister, she's her own person and she can make her own shite decisions." 

Aaron steps back, his posture rigid. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Kieran wipes his hands on his shorts. Is he really about to do this? Drive a wedge in his team, potentially lose another friend?

Fuck it. Yeah, he is.

"You know exactly what I mean, Ramsdale. I don't mince words- I say things plainly."

Aaron's lip curls, along with his fists. "Fuck you, Tierney. Honestly fuck off-"

"I will, don't worry." Kieran stands, turning his back on Aaron and putting as much distance between them as humanly possible. The weights room is stuffy, the air stinking of sweat and filled with hard music from someone's shitty playlist. 

Actually, everything is shitty. If Kieran needed to pick one word to describe his general mood, it would be gray. Without your friendship and now without the only other person he'd truly think of as a friend, Kieran already feels lost.

Popping in his ear buds, Kieran hops on a treadmill and cranks up the speed. He blasts right past jogging, running, straight into a full sprint, pushing himself so hard and fast that his limbs scream for him to slow. He doesn't listen- because if he runs fast enough, maybe he can outrun the voice in his head whispering that he's failed, there's no returning from this, he'll be alone forever.

Maybe he deserves that. After all the damage he's done, Kieran probably should be alone for the rest of his life- no friends, no significant other, just football for company. At least he has that, as bittersweet of a victory as that may be. 

**********

Kieran can't help it. Every few seconds during warm-ups, his eyes lift to the stands behind the home bench to search for you. Normally you're early on matchday. 

Not today though- you don't show up until minutes before kick off, quietly taking your seat. Kieran straightens as your eyes wander to the pitch, though his efforts are wasted. You skirt right over him, your gaze landing on Aaron, a bright smile splitting your face as you wave. 

And for Kieran, what do you offer him? Nothing. Not even a crumb. Once Aaron's attention shifts to focus on securing his gloves, your own attention falls to the phone in your lap. It's as if Kieran no longer exists in your world. Although, can he really blame you for acting that way? He's been an arse at every available opportunity. Why would you want to be friendly towards him?

Unease settles in Kieran's gut. He stares at the pitch beneath his boots, trying to force the negativity out of his mind. Martin nudges him, and only then does Kieran realize the anthem has ended and he needs to haul ass across the pitch to get to his position. 

Normally, football makes everything else fade into the background. The first touch of a ball at his feet, the first collective roar from the crowd, and Kieran usually feels the tension drain from his muscles. He becomes one with his team, anticipating passes and sliding through defenders like a hot knife through butter. 

Today is a different story. Kieran drops the first pass intended for him, resulting in Chelsea's winger picking off the ball and launching downfield with it. Kieran feels off balance, the world tipping under him as he gives chase, never quite catching up. He's saved by Arsenal's back line, though it doesn't prevent him from bearing the brunt of a verbal lashing from Aaron in goal when Chelsea's attack comes much too close for his liking. 

With his focus all over the board, Kieran struggles to keep himself tidy. Their opponents sense his weakness, sniffing him out like a predator seeks prey, targeting the left side with their presses. Eventually, they know Kieran will slip. And eventually, he does- literally. 

Something white hot lances up Kieran's left leg when he plants his foot and turns to try and cut off Pulisic on the attack. A wordless cry passes his lips as he goes down, grabbing at his knee. Over the roar of blood in his ears, Kieran can hear Christian arguing with the ref against a foul; Kieran hadn't been touched by anyone in a blue shirt. The mistake was purely his. 

The ref holds up a yellow card in Christian's direction. "No fuck off- that's bullshit and you know it!" 

"It's deserved!" Kieran isn't sure which one of his teammates shouts it, but it clearly makes Christian see red. Without a second glance at Kieran on the ground, Christian storms off towards what's sure to be a fight unless someone steps in, but Kieran can't bring himself to care. 

He lays there for what feels like ages, focusing on keeping his eyes squeezed shut so no tears can escape. He will not cry, not when you're there. He's fine. He's perfectly fine. He's gonna finish out this match, he'll score a goal and then you'll understand everything. 

"Kieran, you alright mate?" 

When Kieran dares to open his eyes, he can just barely make out his captain's blonde hair between the blinding lights above the pitch and the black spots in his vision. No, he's definitely not alright. Not in any sense of the word. 

"Medical," Kieran croaks, trying to catch his breath. Everything hurts. Even his shallow breaths somehow make his knee twinge; how is that even possible? Kieran is vaguely aware of Martin as he crouches at his side, waving the medical staff on to have a look at him. 

"Right, they're on their way. What happened? No one even touched you, did they?"

"No," Kieran bites out. Fuck, why does it hurt so bad? It's worse than the time he shattered his leg at Celtic, and that was the worst pain he thought he'd ever experience. "Just spun and felt something… snap."

When two men bundled up in Arsenal puffers arrive, they immediately prod his left knee, hitting all the right spots to have hisses of pain leaving his lips. 

"We're gonna take you off," one of them tells him, "can you walk? You can if you'd like to, though we'll have to help-"

"I'm walking," Kieran states plainly. He knows nothing is broken, at least, and he refuses to be carried off while you're in the stadium. 

"I've got him. Come on, Tierney." Martin stands, holding out a hand to Kieran to help him up. The Norwegian throws an arm around Kieran's waist, not allowing Kieran to walk on his own.

The fans clap as he gets to his feet. He tries to return the sentiment but thinks better of it, wincing as he puts weight on his injured knee. Oh, he's so screwed. This feels season ending. His knee is on fire through the mask of adrenaline, and he can imagine how much worse it will be when it's worn off in a few hours. 

"Keep your head up," Martin murmurs when he stops at the sideline. "They'll fix you up in no time."

Kieran offers his captain a tight lipped smile. He appreciates the false hope, even if it does land hollow in his chest. Trainers slip under either of his arms, taking the brunt of his weight for him as he slowly makes his way down the tunnel. The entire walk, Kieran doesn't take his eyes off the pitch. His team is playing as scrambled as his insides feel, like they can't link up at all after his unexpected substitution. 

As he passes the bench, Kieran doesn't dare look up, not even when he swears he can pick out your voice calling for him. He's failed, again. He was supposed to score a banger of a goal tonight, which would give him the confidence to finally tell you what he's felt for you for months, maybe even years of his life.

The universe is laughing at him, he knows it. How pathetic would it be if he told you now? You'd think he was some miserable prick looking for your pity. That's not what he wants at all. He wants you to understand that-

"Alright Kieran, hop up on that table for me mate."

Kieran blinks, trying to remember how he got to the medical suite with no memory of walking any further than Arsenal's bench. He moves with all the grace of a wooden puppet, joints already stiff and swollen. 

The lead physician, a no frills, fifty something year old man with salt and pepper hair and the beginnings of a pot belly, adjusts his glasses on his nose and sighs. "Well Kieran, you took quite the tumble."

"Yep, how screwed am I?" 

It feels informal to be meeting with a highly accredited doctor like Dr. Montgomery while he's dressed in an Arsenal tracksuit. Shouldn't he be in a long white coat instead of a black puffer?

Regardless, the doctor carefully runs his fingers over Kieran's knee with light pressure, making notes on where it's tender and what areas are safe to touch. Based on the overall mood in the room, Kieran doubts he'll get good news.

"I'm not going to sugarcoat it for you." Dr. Montgomery takes his glasses off and sets them on the top of his head, rolling on his little stool to be closer with Kieran. "Based on the way you went down and the sort of pain you're having now, my initial assessment is a partial, if not full ACL tear."

Kieran's world slips out from under his feet. "A- what? You're sure?"

"Not yet obviously, we have to confirm it. But I'm quite confident-"

"No." Kieran shakes his head adamantly. "No, that's not right. We're supposed to win the league, I'm helping my team win the Premier League! It can't be torn-"

"Kieran, no dramatics please. You'll only make it harder on yourself. I know this is a big thing and a huge shock, but unfortunately, it may be your reality." Dr. Montgomery grips Kieran's shoulders, forcing him to take a deep breath. "You will likely need to accept it, and the sooner you do, the better it will be for your psyche and overall recovery." Dr. Montgomery pats Kieran's chest, right over his heart. 

"You're a valuable asset to this team. They're lucky to have you, and they'll need you back as soon as they can. Focus on that, on getting back and keeping your spirits up." 

"I'm damaged goods. I'm nothing to them now."

Dr. Montgomery shakes his head, understanding that Kieran needed time to process. "For now I'll get you something for the pain, and you can watch the rest of the match on my laptop while we drive you over to our proper medical office, alright? We need some scans to see just how bad the damage is."

Kieran floats above his body. He's present but he isn't, awake but asleep as he's driven across London for a set of scans and more poking and prodding. The meds keep the worst of the pain at bay, dulling the ragged edges until it's only a light throb. Each breath feels like he's inhaling shards of glass, knowing his season is over just as it peaked.

When he's finally dropped off at his flat, he checks his mobile. There's texts from a few of the boys, but he only responds to two, the first being Martin. 

We got an update from the gaffer, he says it doesn't look good… we're all pulling for you. That win was for you mate. 

Kieran's thumbs hover over the screen. He sets his phone aside and gets a pillow under his knee before responding. 

Thanks skipper. I'll be back as soon as I can

The other message he wants to reply to comes from Aaron, a short and simple let me know if you need anything.

But the one person he really wants to hear from is among the few who don't try to reach out. There's only one person who could make him feel even slightly better about the entire situation. Unfortunately for Kieran, you apparently want nothing to do with him. 

Kieran sighs, leaning his head against the sofa. The analyst on the television drones on and on about passing statistics and player form from today's match. Every ten seconds someone mentions his injury and how unfortunate it is to have come at a time when Arsenal are surely topping the tables. 

His head is a mess. He replays the moment he went down on an endless loop, seeing it from various angles thanks to the snippets playing on the television. When his knee becomes bothersome again, he does as the doctor instructed and takes another pain pill, washed down with a glass of cool water. 

At some point he must fall asleep, because he jolts awake when his phone rings. He answers it groggily, rubbing at his eyes to croak out a greeting. 

"Hello?" 

"Oh sweetheart, were you asleep? I told your father we should've waited until the morning to call."

"It's alright mum, I'm awake now." Kieran winces as he repositions himself. Turns out falling asleep sitting upright on the sofa isn't the most comfortable way to rest. "What time is it anyway?" Late, judging by how dark the city is outside his window.

"Around eight I think? Dad and I are worried sweetheart… all alone in that flat of yours- are you doing alright?"

Kieran laughs bitterly, "thanks for that reminder of my loneliness mum. Yeah I'm fine, I can take care of myself, done it before." He can barely hear his dad in the background, making some comment about him being too stubborn for his own good.

"Your father says to quit being stubborn, Kieran." Guilt washes over him when he notes the sadness in her voice. "Ask for help when you need it. I could come down for a week, until you can get around easier?"

"No- no thank you." Kieran can scarcely think of anything worse than having his mum hovering over him all hours of the day. She means well, but it would be an overload on his already strained mind.

"Well… just look after yourself Kieran. I know you'll be down on yourself but there isn't anything you could've done. Try and find a little bit of sunshine in that cloudy city, will you? Focus on that."

His mum's words don't register, going in one ear and out the other. "Sure mum, yeah. I'm knackered- I'm gonna head to bed. Thanks for checking in."

Once he's off the phone, it doesn't take long for his mind to wander. He isn't remotely tired, despite his chaotic day. He feels full of energy but has nothing to do with it other than flick through channels and scroll aimlessly on his phone. 

A photo of a sunset pops up in his Instagram feed and interestingly, his first thought is of you. Sunsets are your thing- you post them on your story almost every day. You chase them like some people chase storms: recklessly and without end, often driving to the highest point you could to catch even a glimpse of the vibrant oranges and warm reds as the sun slips below the horizon. 

Have you watched the sunset tonight? After the match, did you beg Aaron to walk you up to the boxes at the Emirates the same way you used to beg Kieran for a ride to the cliffs on the edge of your hometown? 

If you had, Kieran hopes the London sky lived up to your expectations. Then, at least, he can imagine your smile as you snap a photo to remember it by, murmuring that the lense doesn't pick up colors the same way your eyes do.

What are you doing right now?

Kieran's home alone, but you're across town in Aaron's flat, probably curled up sleeping next to him peacefully. Kieran's heart twinges, wishing you were sitting on the sofa comforting him instead. Not even in a romantic capacity- he's craving your friendship tonight, a shoulder to lean on. Someone to tell him the voice in the back of his head is lying. That he hasn't played his last game for Arsenal, that he'll come back even stronger than before. He'd do anything to hear you joke about how if he was lucky, maybe he'd be a bionic man, with a metal knee or something. 

You've always known how to lift Kieran's spirits. He checks his phone for the hundredth time, hoping to see your name in his notifications. Apparently you know how to crush them too; radio silence does the trick.

Kieran taps out a message to you, then thinks better of it. He falls asleep with his phone in his hand, the cursor blinking in the message box beneath your name. 

[ramsaybaggins]

Slutty Aerobics Stede

I saw a person on twitter (@thatllbemybrand) mention Stede wearing aerobics gear. My mind IMMEDIATELY produced who I like to call Slutty Aerobics Stede. Have some details:

Slutty Stede Bonnet dressed in skintight lyric doing aerobics in a dance studio with glass to the rest of the gym, to THIS song, making eye contact with Ed who is just starting open jawed

He's wearing something like this, but it's teal and gold or other more Stedey colours

(I have a whoooole slutty aerobics Stede playlist on the go (also it's a fuckin' banging playlist even if I do say so myself)

Slutty Aerobics Stede knows the ENTIRE dance to Call On Me by Eric Prydz and ABSOLUTELY shows it off and Ed's brain COMPLETELY short circuits during the hip thrusts

Stede used to watch this on VHS repeat

Ed is Izzy's spotter and keeps getting annoyed that Ed is getting distracted in the middle of sets

Stede's leant against the bar on the mirrors with his arse sticking out doing that knee pump thing that shows it off *just right* and Ed falls off the treadmill cos forgets to keep running

Ed's a professional rock climber, absolute top of his game, and when he finally joins in with the aerobics Izzy is FURIOUS because it is NOT part of his training plan

But Ed is bored of rock climbing and his strict training plan and diet. He's done all the interesting climbs, he's won all the competitions, he's BORED. And now there's a lycra clad hottie, who doesn't seem to know who he is, making eyes at him and it's FUN

Once they were talking, Stede would absolutely talk Ed into coming to a Zumba class just to see those hips in action. Stede'd not be wearing his lycra, but he's be wearing VERY tiny, VERY tight shorts

This is modern btw, not an 80s AU. Stede just has a BUNCH of vintage 80s workout clothes in mad colours because he's Stede and he loves them

He's wearing a crop top, of course

Next time they're in the gym together Stede is finishing up, sweaty and panting after his (painfully distractingly sexy) workout and pulls a towel behind his neck, then tilts his head up to drink from his water bottle before moving the bottle up and pouring some over his head and shaking his head so the water droplets spray out.

Ed sees it like it's happening in slow motion. Standing, jaw on the floor. Someone walks up and is like, "Hey man, you done? Can I have the machine?" and he doesn't even register it, just mumbles "Uh huh."

Lucius is the receptionist at the gym and is watching all of it go down like 👀👀👀

One time, after Ed gets distracted and almost hurts himself yet again, Lucius marches up to Stede and is like "Stede. STEDE. Listen to me. You are going to KILL that man. Do you understand? He is not safe when you're working out. Please. Please just ask him out. Please."

Stede asks Ed out by choreographing an entire dance to Are You Ready For Love and performs it for him one evening after the gym is closed, Lucius did him a solid keeping it open for the two of them a little longer

Slutty Aerobics Stede taking Ed out to a gay bar and absolutely fucking KILLING it on the dancefloor to Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight) and Ed being extremely flustered but enjoying it all *immensely*

One day Ed invited Stede out to his climbing gym. Stede's never been climbing before but he's excited to say yes. Ed watches him on the boulders and realises he's in *deep* trouble. Belaying is even worse with that harness showing off all of Stede's assets exceptionally well.

[himbos-hotline]

Please tell me about the hairtie fic I wish for pain

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

SO

its offically titled "Maybe this time, he'll stay" and it started as an idea that Jay and their parnters giving them things that people would see as trash. Like Hanger giving them beer bottle caps that Jay makes them into badges, adam gives him tabs off his monsters, wheeler gives them flowers that she can press into her scrapbook. And Kenny gives her a hairtie, something that seems so useless and kinda gross because its been in his mouth and in his hair and hes slept in it. But he puts in on and kisses her wrist and it goes from "he may need it" to "hes gonna stay because the band around my arm- its a promise that he'll return."

This makes place around kennys and hagners fued. Wheeler has a family emergency and isnt there, Cole gets injured pretty early on and thus hes gone. And then Kenny starts to change- slow at first and then its like a volcano errupting. Hes arguing with Adam more and their tagteam dissolves [much like what we see in AEW canon] Jay keep nursing a drunk hanger and waits up a night for kenny to return from seeing the bucks but he always comes back to their hotel room and curls up in bed and apologises and explains that he "doesnt feel like himself sometimes." and Jay nods and holds him while making sure that adams still breathing. They go on their own work- having to beat wheels for the ROH pure title [Im fucking around with the timeline so the BCC exists while the elite stuff is going on] so he can go help his family.

Jay keeps wearing the hairtie to the point shes not seen without it. Until the match where Kenny gives up with being adams caregiver and loosing because his heart isnt in the wrestling matches they have or theyre bickering and their relationship is falling apart with their tagteam. So he lets them fall and storms out of the arena. its just Jay and adam and she stays awake sitting on a chair by the window, watching the sky waiting for kenny to turn up to collect his stuff. He should be back, he promised that hed always come back. Jay paces around the hotel room, cleans the best she can without waking up hanger and its only when she goes to close the curtains because the sun is rising and its gonna hit his face does Jay spot the hairtie and suddenly all the meanings feels rotten and stale. So Jay takes off the hairtie and chucks it into the front of her suitcase

the mark on their arm seems to be implanted in his skin, likes someones taken a knife and carved sections of his arm off. and jay feels somewhat naked without it and suddenly in the silence of morning Jay feels empty and like shes fallen against concrete. So she just goes to curl up against her sleeping cowboy and when he wakes up its a day to wallow in the saddest that kennys left behind because the two of them are morning. Theres the potential of sad soft sex where its only for the two of them to be reminded that the other is still there, that the heat theyre feeling is real and so are they. Jay ventures out to get food cuz depression cannot win and everything makes them feel sick and jay just returns with crooked fruit that adam cuts up and the two of them share a plate of crooked, bruised fruits.

Its dark outside when Regal asks Jay to go train with him and Mox- even if its just running on a treadmill and Jay, after so much convincing, goes and when he and mox are changing together mox goes "wheres the hairtie?" And suddenly that gross feeling is back. Jay wants to retreat back to Adam and hold him, cling to him until the realness of him reminds Jay that shes not the only one hurting because she sees it when he looks at his eyes. This shared sadness between people who understand each other. But Jay cant run away so his reply is just "it broke. everythings broken."

her big brother nods and kinda goes "I dunno why you even wore a hairtie." Because jay had short hair. And jay kinda sits there for a little while while working out thinking about why. Why did they wear it? What did it mean? Was it just a hairtie to Kenny when it was this everlasting looping connection to Jay? Jay leaves training early leaving to smoke out back and wollow and feel gross and bad and suddenly one smoke isnt enough and wheeler notices the taste of smoke on her tongue when they go to kiss goodbye.

The anger turns into sadness cuz Jay really is alone and hanger and Kenny are fighting and jays in the middle and Kenny won't look st him when they pass in the corridor and they talk through the Bucks and there's nothing of normal in the polycule. And then one day he passes Kenny on the corridor and they make eye contact and his eyes are so blue and bright and it's so awkward and jay stays awake thinking bout how numb they feel. Everything; their friends, their partners everything that ever mattered to Jay suddenly is a weapon and can end. everything ends, everything dies, memento mori and remember that life doesnt matter so fuck everything and who cares if youre killing yourself slowly? Maybe then youll see a real angel.

Jay smokes more and it happens by accident. Cigarette ash lands on her legs and it leaves behind that perfect scattering of marks that looks golden and the pain feels good, feel true. And so Jay ends up putting out her cigaerettes against her shoulders or anywhere thats covered by her clothes and ring gear. Its her version of going out to the bar and drinking until ya head spins. Smoke pickled euphoria.

Jay gets angry at herself for smoking more and for hating the kenny that exists now and that anger manifests and mixes with their sadness and he starts to feel like hes weighed down JAy misses the kenny that they had and misses the softness in the way he used to treat hanger

Jay smokes more and gets a little grasp of happiness when familiar hands cover his eyes one day while in his ring gear and it's just "did you miss me sweetheart?" "Adam !!" Because Cole is back. And Jay gets so wrapped up in the joy of finally having a polycule member back. And he's mended and loved and Jay takes off their ring shirt

And Cole noticed the bruises and the burn marks and "love shouldn't burn jay." And so Cole becomes designated Jay looker afterer. They don't tell hangy about the burns and hanger doesn't question much why jay keeps his shirt and is quick to get dressed again. Or only shift and move from behind. The burns heal and jay kisses them both. And they're happy. They're home. Even if Cole follows her everywhere and hanger clings to them both when sleeping. Its a weird mournful sort of normal like family meeting at a fuenral. Theres some fluff smothered in now that Jay isnt able to wrestle since hes "gotten hurt" and jay slowly starts to seperate themselves from the adams because he feels bad for hurting when the two of them are- staying in their own seperate hotel room.

When Kenny signs the contract in blood, Hanger spends the night in the hospital and when Jay comes back to their hotel room kenny is standing there waiting for zem. Jay isnt happy to see him but also a part of her heart is- he pushes himself into Jays room and the two of them argue. To the point where Jay brings up Kota and "youre not golden kenny! you were never the golden one!" and kenny brings up and tears down everything about Jay its angry and angsty and jay lights a cig and kenny makes a joke and jay replies with "people should betrays their partners but here we fucking are,"

And then Kenny noticed that Jays hurt. Either from a match or training or maybe Jay punching the alleyway wall behind the dailys place. and Kenny takes her hand and kisses her bloodied knuckles and "oh baby girl-" "you don't get to call me that." And Kenny being the asshole he is it's "even when you hate me. You're still my baby." And jay grabs his shirt and pulls him close. They stare and jay breathes smoke against his lips and it makes Kenny cough and the gap between them gets smaller and insert angry sex here because the two of them are still partners and in the morning Jay wakes up alone.

theres an awkward conversation where Jay feels like theyve cheated on the adams and hanger explains that jays allowed to sleep with his boyfriend because Jay shouldnt be involved and thats where Jay and hanger sharing drinks comes from. hanger excuses himself form his own hotel room and finds kenny and argue that he cant do the shit he does with him to jay because "jay still thinks you love him!" and Kenny is awkwardly quiet because he does still love jay, but something, someone. a voice in his head told him to leave so he did. Jay doesnt seem intrested in him anymore because jay wasnt wearing the hairtie so clearly that means that the bond between them is broken- and its all kennys fault. But he cant tell hanger that so he just sits quietly and lets the cowboy yell until theres tears on his cheeks and he just goes "im going to the bar."

hanger wins the title, jay meets his folks and the two of them are happy for the first time in a while. Kenny gets better slowly on his own after taking time away and slowly repairing the relationships hes shattered. He apologises to the bucks for making them his errand boys and evetnually a weary and emotionally upset kenny bites the bullet and so he turns up on Jays hotelroom doorstep and the two of them have a conversation and kenny finally explains that he has "other people." in his head and Jay doesnt fully understand but they comfort each other and the two of them talk from the hearts and in the end Kenny falls asleep on jays bed and jay cant bare to part with the sudden warmth thats growing in her chest and so they lay down and the two of them sleep together and when Jay wakes up kenny is there still curled into his side.

The polycule has a conversation about what happened and kenny slowly settles back into his place there and theres a lot of pussyfooting and finally Kenny curls up behind the cowboy and plays with Jays hair and torments her about their love of storms and finally it rains and they all go outside and just lay in the grass feeling like moss is consuming them and finally theres normality. Wheeler comes back and his family emergency is fixed and fine and everythings healed up. And its one small warm night where Jay lays between kennys legs, dangles one hand over Cole's eyes, places his legs on Wheelers and listens to adam humming while he reads. Theyre all together and touching.

and

"Kenny tell me about your video game?" and hes a little aprehensive because Jay hasnt got the first clue about the games he plays but he turns off the punchy sounds, turns up the music and slowly settles into a rhythm while resting his controller/switch on the back of jays neck to pinn them against him and. "Hey kenny?" "hmm?" "welcome home."