#being ‘the weird girl’ in an all girls school leaves you with the worst social anxiety possible

[adoregojo]

mikage's 5 steps guide! - nagi.s

i missed writing for nagi... my loverboy.. also this writing style is so fun??? wth??? i need to write like this again. i can barely keep one eye open so if there's any typo, ignore pls pls.

warnings: some cussing ig?

nagi was never that charming.

'charming' couldn't even stand being a word in his dictionary to be honest, nagi truly had zero sense of romance within him. he was an actual brick-walled person when it came to these things, or anything of strong-emotions in particular, there was no thoughts behind those void eyes of his but a circle of: sleep, eat, go to work, eat again, play games, sleep, and repeat.

even back to his high school years, not once he recalls talking to a girl, let alone getting a girlfriend, that was something beyond out of his character. maybe there was a girl that confessed to him, he remembered on valentines day he got a letter saying that he should go to the school's roof. and he ended up leaving the poor girl hanging on the air till the sky was clean orange because he genuinely 'forgot', nagi then earned the title 'heartbreaker' for a year straight, he let it be since it was much of a hassle to keep on correcting them. not like his reputation was any better before.

so you could say that nagi wasn't that much of a company to have around, on the other hand was his friend, reo who was basically the opposite of nagi, if anything he was prince charming himself. those social skills were enough to befriend anyone on sight, he got the looks, money and attention was surrounding him 24/7.

and even if reo gather the earth power to try and motivate nagi would go down hill, every time he tried setting him on a date it's either gonna end up horrible or nagi using the excuse to go to the bathroom and vanish to the nowhere. what an asshole.

at some point, reo accept the fact that maybe he's friend will in fact die alone.

and things switched around when you came to the picture.

first it wasn't that hard to notice you, your desk was glued to him after all. it was weird when you would greet him every morning and wish him a good night when you left, no one ever did that to him before, he tends to ignore and ends up being ignored. it was nice, a little reminder that somone was seeing him, acknowledging him.

slowly, the walls between you two was falling apart with each introduction. when you would pat him from his little naps for lunch time, or when it was leaving time, then he would stare at your back until your figure disappeared with a last wave, staring at the door for a little too long, perhaps wishing for you to walk back in.. who said that?

it was getting worse, or better, not the best at analysing his feelings. but nagi found himself looking out for a glimpse of you around the office, he has no shame to admit that the world suddenly felt gloomy without your presence beside him.

maybe he raised his head a little too fast when you walked in, maybe not. but he mostly did.

then you would ramble about how your shitty neighbour refused to clean after his pets filth and you two had a screaming match for a while before realising you were late. the was the worst way to start a monday morning, so you closed your eyes shut, rubbed your forehead for a peace of mind. then you opened your eyes, a piece of your favourite snaked would magically appear on your table.

for some reason your eyes traveled to the white painted head, he was looking at the other side, avoiding your questionable gaze hoovering over him.

Mondays aren't so bad after all, you thought.

perhaps he did place it there, who knows. —but nagi just really didn't like seeing you glum.

possibly, did he grew fond of you? he doesn't know. all he knew that lunch box you handed him the next day is a blessed gift within his palms. too good for him, you were too good for him.

you were the prove that the sky itself favoured him above anyone.

and when nagi wanted to ask you out, he only had one person to guide him to your heart.

so the very mysterious person behind the scene (reo) had a astounding idea that if someone like nagi; mister, game-addiction-freak. that on every step he'll get points! 100-90 if he did well, 80-70 not bad, 60-40 could've been worse.. 40-20 definitely could've been better... 20-0 yikes....

so with that, nagi was sent on a personal mission to win you over and soothe you with his nonexistent charm.

STEP ONE: be straightforward! it's not good to keep on dancing on someone's mindset with hints, it may cause a lot of confusion feelings and misunderstandings! only ask under a certain circumstances, a suitable place where were you two sit alone so they could have they're attention on you only. SIDE NOTE: try to make a good welcoming conversation to ease up the tension first then ask!

so nagi did just that, maybe a little too well.

he couldn't even eat his own lunch and just kept on rubbing his sweaty hands against each other's, staring back forth —he just noticed how many unfamiliar faces were there? did he really only seeyou?一 he was extra quiet which made you ask him multiple times if he was okay, he would just hum in response. what a smooth talker.

"nagi, you haven't even touched your food. are you actually okay?" you questioned, concerned. after taking a brief sip of your juice, but nagi just shook his head in conform, you raised a brow, a little in disbelief that he would think an obvious lie would go through you just like that. there was something off. the tension upon you two was twisting.

the words were on the tip of his tongue, yet they felt un-removed. all this stressing over four words were a pain, and a heavy burden he needed to reales before he lose his breathing track.

and the moment you took a bite and chewing on it, he just had to drop the bomb carelessly.

"go out with me."

so nagi didn't try and sooth the air, nor start a decent conversation. and when he gathered the earth courage to speak up, it wasn't even a question, that was a whole ass demand.

although, it worked. but it definitely could've gone better than you choking on your own food that you swore you witnessed death himself laughing his ass off at you.

what a great timing.

after you saw the heavens gates open for you and life flashing through your eyes, weirdly enough, you accepted.

huh, maybe he didn't mess up everything like he thought (he in fact did).

20 points!

STEP TWO: dress nice and compliment their outfit! dressing well means that you take the date seriously, complimenting them to foster a better sense of comfort and confidence, and they'll compliment you back! extra points if you made them all blushy and giddy!

nagi really wasn't the best at this.

instead of dressing 'nicely', all he wore was a big white hoodie and pants. didn't put much effort to his hair and just went off. it wasn't his problem that picking an estimated outfit was such a hassle. it's good at least it is something that covers him, right?

it all went downhill when you showed up, listen. he always thought you looked fit and nice in your suit work, and now he definitely wasn't ready to see you in regular, uniform out of work place. you just looked... so good, even great, stunning and beautiful, you name it.

nagi barely breath out a greeting, his eyes too busy scanning you from head to toe over and over, he couldn't take his gaze out of your sight even when you were on your way to the table. and he almost stumbled over twice for that, the first was nearly his face planting on the floor, and the second time he almost knocked out a whole plate of drinks. you just somehow managed to muddle over half of senses with your looks alone, maybe he should've considered writing his last letter.

"nagi.. you're staring too much."

the of yours dragged him out of his thoughts line. he saw as you held a sheepish— extra points?—expression, it was either from his heart-eyes eating you alive, or the date itself was bringing you to the nervous state, or both?

nagi cleared his throat, slightly cringing at himself for staring a little too hard. he was absolutely not doing reo's steps justice.

"sorry. you just, look really pretty." if not the prettiest of all, but again, nagi has eyes for you only to pay a mind to others around him.

your breath halts at that, you don't know what to say for a second, nagi himself was complementing you? and the fact that he said as it was a matter of a fact was such an out character thing. but at the same time a an amiable change. and it was for you only.

"thank you, I appreciate that." you say as you kept on twirling your fingers over your hair, you felt like a lovesick teenager. "I think you look very nice as well." you add, almost like a whisper, he still managed to catch it.

nagi let out a scoff, not even a smile forming on his features for that. "it's just hoodie, really."

"i still like it, it's very like you. I'm happy seeing that you can be yourself around me."

he flinch a bit at that, he really wasn't ready for this- it takes a strong-soulful soldier to handle this. and he really, really wanted to be gods strongest warrior just for you. so he gets a grip on himself and mumble a thanks.

you smile sweetly at that, and nagi may really be not the strongest soldier under your spell.

50 points!

STEP THREE: make a conversation! show interest in their personal life and listen to every ramble they have, try to also throw side comments there and here to support them and blow away any negative feelings of the talk being one-sided. also try and talk about your own life to make it easier for them to talk all night. SIDE NOTE: try and joke around to bloom a friendly tune. extra points if you made them laugh!

third time's a charm, right?

however, since nagi was uncommonly unfond of others babbling. in fact he found it annoying and it was hard keeping his eyes evenly open. but then when it comes to you, he found your feathery tune to be airy, he grew ease to it pitch.

so he handed over all his senses of hearing to you on one knee, and let you speak freely. switching between different topics form nowhere, and like the world- his world- itself was turning for you only, his eyes and soul was for you to talk and he'll rot into a shallow void to your lovely enunciate to play on a broken radio repeating.

maybe he should tell you to stop, because your non-touched food was getting cold, and maybe he should tell that to himself that too because he didn't even realize his plate was even there.

it felt like he had drifted from the original plan, instead the tables were turned and he was the one being swoon by you..

not that he minded honestly. but ending the night with you being the one who filled the space was enough to create a makeshift reo berating him, nevertheless, nagi really, really wanted you to like him back. to consider the idea of another date with him.

plus, he also liked your laugh, he really did. didn't the guide say something about making you laugh? even tried telling a joke that you actually chuckled at, something that was unneeded to say that his book was empty, he had to search on google "funny jokes" for gods sakes, how hopeless can he possibly get?

"why couldn't the sunflower ride it bike?" nagi utter flatly, "why" you slope your head to the side. "because it lost it petals." the joke was old, dusty, forsaken. and the urge to recoil the second it left his mouth was understandable. but somehow you still pushed out a laugh at it, you don't know if it was an amusingly one, or because that nonchalant face was clearly begging you to laugh. with that monochromatic tone and all made it even funnier.

that bloomed the smallest amount of exhilaration within his rib cage. it was lovely, and what was made the giddiness to flourish inside his belly was the fact that he was the reason for it. it felt priceless. a sight to a crave in his midst. completely bizarrely about all of this, nagi let's you take over him. to consume him, his heart, his breath and soul were yours to claim.

at least he did something good that night?

70 points!

STEP FOUR: walk them back home! it's quite a simple act but very affected and gentlemanly, make sure to make them feel save and guarded! hidden notes: try to hold their hand!

after paying the price, you and nagi take your leave. with also nagi's off attitude with him opening the doors for you and let you walk first. although, who were to complain about such a treatment? you'll take it

but weirdly enough, nagi was a bit on the edge. like he had a n amount of ants in his pants, couldn't look at your direction, barely spoke out a response, or anything in general. and 一was he holding his breath???一

wait, was nagi actually.... nervous?

you glanced at him, shoulders stiffened, hands moving too much and fast, mouth was dry and agape, half dizzy 一when he isn't?一

now that you did not expect.

it was even ten times worse than him in the cafeteria earlier, it felt like nagi was about to confess to you his cruelest crime. the tenseness was mixed with the deep-seated tenderness, nevertheless, it was a bittersweet taste. and it kept on going until you two stood together by your home.

"i had fun tonight, nagi." you spoke first.

he finally flinched out of his own world, he sees you rubbing your arm, the gesture was sketchy, almost as if you were waiting for him to say something, anything.

but nagi's mind was blank, blow out an air in his ear and it will run out of the other, empty head. yet his mind was roaming, that need to say something clung up to him again. too many thoughts he cannot process.

but all nagi did know was he wanted you to stay a little longer.

"that's.. good?" he should have stayed quiet, what kind of answer is that.

you nodded awkwardly in agreement, breathing out an 'yeah..' he felt a bit guilty at making you feel uncomfortable, the fact of him being unfaithful may have crossed your mind, and nagi didn't like it. but you always managed to make feel weird, he always felt too warm when you would get close to him, words were lost when he would look at your eyes, and now this..

but despite everything, he felt like himself when he was with you the most..

every game had it secret move, and his was that he need to let himself be.

"can we do this again? i also had a good night." a part of nagi wanted to add that it was one of the best nights he ever had, yet it was too cheesy, cringe.

"yes!" you replied, too fast. you sounded so desperate! you palmed your mouth, embarrassment remains on your face as you cleared your throat. "i mean.. yes, we can do this again."

nagi had to physically bent down his head, he was gonna set you on fire alive with his eyes, if he may say, you looked cute when flustered. and his heart wouldn't stop beating so infuriated, almost bursting out raw of chest.

nagi for some reason, stretched out his arms. it was bold and he knew it, he just did it and hoped for you to handle it. "um.. can i?" he sees you halting at your place. eyes ogling around but his own.

you walk up all jittery to him until there's barely any inches left between the two of you, you kept your eyes glued to your feet as if it was the most interesting thing in this moment, but it's also like you were asking him if it was okay, unsureness. so he pushes your head gently forward to rest on his stiffen chest. an arm runs around your back to force you as close as possible to him.

you shrivel when nagi's nose would be buried deep unto your hair locks. your scent would draw him at slacken, his whole body bending against yours that you felt like he wanted to crawl under your skin desperately, searching for the seeds of endless love you endowed to him.

you didn't know if you were somehow intoxicated, but you swore that you felt a pair of soft lips pressing against your skull, god, you felt like melting and soon to become a paste sliding down between his fingers. you gently pushed yourself back, and perhaps you imagined nagi's whining for you to not let go. it's like you were gonna fly away once he unwrapped you free. the second you meet his face, a pout expression on his lips, and you couldn't help yourself from cupping his cheeks, squeezing them slightly. a smile made it way to your face as his eyebrows grew frowned.

nagi's hands were on yours, pulling them down from his face, but not too far. unabashedly keeping his eyes locked with yours, he was holding you tight and close, basically hostage. the bug-stomach is back at again but more fiercely than ever.

80 points!

FINAL STEP: kiss.

the dull hue travels down on your lips. boldly, he doesn't look away for what felt like eternity, if anything it seems like they grew heavy the second you parted them slightly to say something that sticked on your tongue.

"can i kiss you?"

was he trying to kill you?

you don't respond, instead you made a move to give him a quick peck on his cheek. backing off faster than ever. nagi stood still, rooting in his place, completely bamboozled. his mind stopped working and his eyes were drifting off in different directions.一is it normal that he felt like melting to the ground?一

"im so sorry, nagi- i just got really nervous and-"

"seishiro."

"eh?"

"seishiro, call me seishiro." he finally found a piece of mind to say. he didn't know if it came out as a command, but he sincerely wanted you to call him by his name. he'd die a happy man then.

"well.. goodnight, seishiro. can't wait for our next date," you said, weaving before your door. nagi barely being able to wave back, his mind was still half empty. you just made him see the light of the stars and left with with the sweetest, loveliest smile for him to think about for the next couple of weeks.

maybe he stood there for a little longer than he should have, his face was on fire, his heart on race track. antithesis of the nonchalant face he had, he made a move to rub the spot you pressed your soft lips against. and the first thing that came to his mind that it was definitely worth it.

and by now, he absolutely forgot about the points and the game itself. oh well, at least half of it worked. he just did it in his own version, which apparently was charming to you. nagi thinks if being charm to you, than he can come over anything.

limitless points! you have made your own path to the heart!

[laundrybiscuits]

(purify our misfit ways tag)

“Wait,” says Steve. “That’s Eddie? Your boyfriend Eddie?”

Robin gags theatrically. “Ew, gross. Not my boyfriend, just a friend.”

Steve frowns. “Gross is kinda harsh. He’s the only guy you ever talk about, how was I supposed to know he’s not your boyfriend?”

“Uh, by maybe not assuming that I can’t just have a non-boyfriend friend who’s a boy? Or that I have to have a boyfriend at all in the first place? It’s not harsh for me not to want to date him.”

“Sure, whatever. Go ahead and live your sexless nerd life all you want.” Steve rolls his eyes, and Robin was right the first time, he really is a douchebag. She can’t believe she thought any differently, even for a moment.

“So, what’s up with the guy who’s not your boyfriend? Like, what’s his deal?”

Robin regards him narrowly. “What’s it to you?”

“Nothing, god. Am I not allowed to ask questions?”

“Steve Harrington,” says Robin. “You have been shockingly un-terrible so far. And I do mean shockingly. Every single time we have a shift together and you’re not the absolute scum of the earth, it is a shock to my system from which I will never truly recover. I might even risk permanent nerve damage and acknowledge that you have successfully achieved the rank of my least hated coworker, if only because Gordon is a total creep and Jenny doesn’t even pretend to clean up after herself. Despite this momentous achievement: if you start harassing Eddie, I swear on my life I will end you. There will be nothing left but a faint whiff of Aqua Net lingering in the air.”

“I’m not gonna—harass him! Or anyone! Jeez, Robin!”

Steve crosses his arms, sulking, because he’s a giant baby. Robin does feel a miniscule twinge of guilt, because she wasn’t lying; she’ll die before admitting it, but the last couple weeks working with Steve have been almost—fun, kind of. He’s still a dingus who screws up all the time, but he lets her boss him around without complaining or challenging her in some dumb boy way, and he has the kind of acid-tongued apathy towards the general public that normally takes years of social exile to develop. He actually laughs at her jokes most of the time, even when they’re mean.

But…Eddie’s being admittedly extremely weird, and she knows where her loyalties lie. She’ll be damned if she lets anyone scent weakness, no matter how much they may or may not have changed since high school.

“Just leave Eddie alone, okay?” she says. “He got enough of your shit at school.”

“I don’t even remember him from school,” whines Steve. “The hell are you talking about?”

“You didn’t remember me, either,” says Robin.

She remembers him, though. Everyone remembers Steve Harrington, whether they want to or not. Big house, no parents. Walked through the halls like there was a carpet rolled out in front of him, some girl on his arm and his sycophants milling.

The surge of vicious satisfaction she feels at the sight of him now, trapped behind a counter and dressed like a joke for minimum wage, is strong enough to make her pause. She knows this one: schadenfreude. Joy in others’ misfortune.

This isn’t who she wants to be.

She goes over to lean against the counter next to him.

“Listen, you’ll be out of here in the fall, right? Before you know it, Hawkins will just be a weird, distant memory. I’m sure your first college kegstand will propel you to all-new heights of popularity.”

“I’m, uh.” Steve looks away, scratching at his jaw. “I’m actually just. Taking some time right now. Figuring out my next moves, you know.”

“In Hawkins?” Robin stares at him incredulously. If she had to take a gap year, she’d—well, actually, she might need to take a gap year in Hawkins to save up if she can’t get enough financial aid. There’s no way Steve Harrington’s doing that, though.

“Aren’t you, like, rich?” she blurts out. She would be the worst spy in the entire world, god. “I mean, aren’t your parents paying for college?”

Steve’s still not looking at her. “They, uh, kinda cut me off. I’m not—I don’t know if I’m going to college. Might not be for me. Like I said, I’m just…figuring things out right now.”

“Um, okay,” she says. Robin’s getting that itchy feeling she gets sometimes, when it seems like people around her are having a totally different conversation than the one they’re having with their actual voices. It’s like trying to translate something from a new language, except she doesn’t have a dictionary or any guidebooks, just a torrent of meaning locked away where she can’t reach. And that would be fine, she likes figuring that kind of puzzle out in other contexts, but everyone else seems to be totally fluent in the silent language while Robin’s struggling to follow along at the slowest possible pace, and—

Oh. Steve didn’t get into college.

“What about technical school?” she says, before her brain can really catch up. “I mean—um, I just mean, like, if you’re not sure if the traditional college thing is for you, I know some people who—they prefer technical college. As an alternative.” Why can’t she ever, ever shut up? Steve doesn’t want to talk about this, she knows he doesn’t want to talk about this.

He drags his hand through his hair, dislodging the stupid sailor hat, and huffs out a laugh. It doesn’t sound happy. “Don’t think that’s for me either.”

And sure, if she’d actually stopped to think about it for a second, she might’ve been able to guess that in a place like Hawkins, even being captain of the swim team probably isn’t enough to snag a sports scholarship, and there’s no way Steve’s grades are even remotely okay. He’s just always seemed like the kind of guy who was going somewhere, who had a golden future, and she’d hated him a little bit for that.

So: Steve Harrington, high school graduate. Sure. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, obviously. Robin actually does know plenty of people who didn’t go to college. But almost all of those people are her parents’ flower-child friends who wanted to explore the world and do drugs and make art, not polo-clad jocks who don’t seem to even be aware that there’s a world outside Hawkins. It’s taking her a second to adjust.

“Yeah, I don’t think Eddie’s doing the college thing either,” she says. It’s an apology, though she hopes he doesn’t take it that way.

“He’s not?” says Steve, blinking as if the very notion of Eddie voluntarily submitting to higher education wasn’t completely laughable.

“I think he’s probably going to be a famous rockstar or something someday. He’s, like, crazy good on the guitar, you should hear him play.”

“Sure,” snorts Steve. “Tell you what, if we’re ever in the same room for more than two seconds, I’ll listen to whatever he’s got.”

(ETA: First chapter of this fic has been edited/expanded and posted on AO3)

[the-heat-is-0n]

Snippet of “My own worst enemy” (a q!tntduo bar AU)

“Hey darling,” Wilbur croaked. His words blended together and were barely audible from his raspy timbre. He registered Quackity’s humored smirk and raised an eyebrow. “What, what’s so funny? Is it my misery?”

Despite his pessimistic question, Wilbur said it with no mirth. In fact, it sounded more like a genuine, innocent query.

Quackity realized his complete lack of a poker face and cleared his throat. A light blush dusted his cheeks at Wilbur’s use of ‘darling.’ “No, not at all!” he rubbed the other man’s shoulder in comforting movements. “It was just how your smile always makes your whole face scrunch up. I found it a little funny in an ironic way, is all.”

Wilbur hummed in response, leaning his head onto the hand on his shoulder. Quackity internally screamed like an excited little girl at the gesture. Keep it professional, he scolded himself, this is one of your customers. Don’t even think about it.

But fuck, the feeling of Wilbur’s soft, messy curls on the back of his hand made his heart flutter. It took all his self-control not to lean down and press a light kiss to the crown of the mans’ head and bury his nose into his hair.

“Did you hear me?” Quackity asked softly. He was grateful that everyone else was out of the bar and the door was locked. At this hour, he doubted that anyone would even be in the main building to catch him breaking the unspoken rules of his job.

The barkeep knew that this was wrong. Not only was he going against his workplace by being so sweet on Wilbur, but it also broke his moral code. Sure, Quackity had gotten into trouble from time to time. He’d been sent to the principal’s office for a plethora of reasons in school. His mischief with Roier (and later Cellbit) got him plenty of groundings and social restrictions at home growing up. But this was different. This was his livelihood. If he got fired in this job economy, he would be back to bumming off friends – or worse, living with his parents in suburbia again. He could not afford to break the rules this time. He had to keep focused, and his feelings for Wilbur were distracting him. He couldn’t date one of his most loyal customers – it would be unethical and unprofessional, at the very least in his eyes.

But the temptation to kiss Wilbur; to hold him and never let go; to be able to roll over in bed and say good morning to that gorgeous face of his; to imagine saying goodbye and I love you before every shift to the man he loved, was so great.

The temptation to break the rules and go against his own moral compass just for Wilbur felt like something straight out of the Book of Genesis.

Wilbur was the Biblical serpent to Quackity’s Eve. He was the apple that could open up a whole new world for the other.

And the choice to bite that godforsaken fruit was up to the infatuated barkeep.

Context:

Mowe!wilbur frequently comes to the bar Quackity works at and has this routine they both follow where Wilbur gets a drink, talks for a bit, and then leaves and gives Quackity an exhorbitant tip cause he’s just like that ig. Q very quickly falls for him but he’s terrified of being fired for basically courting a faithful customer and potentially shirking his work. (It’s mostly a moral thing to him cause it’s not even a rule at his job that he can’t date customers lol). Wilbur, on the other hand, is an idiot and doesn’t realize that Quackity has a crush on him. So they just have this weird awkward dance and it’s really silly and cute :)

This AU was originally created as a prompt for TNTduo week 2023 and I’ve decided to expand a lot on it by making it its own thing outside of that challenge week :D

[dancerofsong]

Regret

I feel so disgusting. so pathetic I could ever exist in humanity. Sometimes I think of how people could even view me as human if they ever saw my mind. If the family I was thrown into opened up my head, they would die from the disgusting horrors building inside, fantasies I wish to have to expel what monster was born. I can feel my horns on the inside, my 8-foot tongue, and my devilish features built into the girl. The weird girl with friends who wishes she left—the girl we all kind of hate but don't talk about enough to really care. I sometimes feel like the unused gym membership of people, so disgustingly annoying to be hurtful yet not enough for people to take the effort to stop talking to me. I feel worse with others than alone. When my mind takes over, I stop being a person and say what I want for attention, and to even think I could be human is funny.

Human? Humans have emotions; they can care. It's obvious that I must not care for anyone in this world. You see, if I did, I wouldn't be here; I would be at a party and would be having fun, not alone in my kitchen. I'm typing a pity-party letter to myself like I'm insane. I think I'm kind of insane—just enough to be this pathetic but not enough to get sent away. The idea of board school is intriguing; it sent me away, trash off to another state. To be abused and disemboweled as I speak out of turn, to cut my toes off every time my voice is slightly louder than necessary. Yet among the worst, I can be a trouble. My voice is a work of nightmares; my smile reeks of evil; and my eyes are sinister.

I AM A MONSTER

the type you find in circus cages. 2 sizes too small. To be pitied and laughed at, throw your popcorn as I walk the tightrope of shame. A show made for humans, The Human Race, was designed to laugh at such vomit-inducing animals. The human race was designed to laugh at me. To wish to be loved, to wish I could function, I wonder what such a gift would be like. I talk with a never-ending mouth of dark secrets that are too unbearable to hold. So I dream.

Dreams

Dreams take me to places I have never seen, like boyfriends, friend groups, and love. Love drives the world either through desire, lust, or happiness. The absence of love kills sadness and grief. But can you be sad if you never had love to begin with? To feel empty among the empty, to be alone among the alone. To function as an empty vessel, mimicking the voices of others, combined to become a fake. The puppet wanders around. Have you ever seen a human with no heart, brain, lungs, or blood? I feel no emotion other than pain and a desire for more. Which is why I dream of abuse and the thrilling pain of abuse. Physical, mental, verbal, social, and financial. Power held over my head as I played with my puppet strings. I don't want to be slapped, and I don't want to be punched. I want to be degraded and have blood spill. I want to watch Bruises every day. I desire to see my juices fill the floor on the white tiles as spit hits my forehead and my vision gets blurry. I wish to be the wife; they all have pity for marrying the wife beater. I wish to be the reason the 6:00 a.m. calls from the police are made. I wish to be made into a pet. yet to never leave, knowing if I did I would be empty again. If I'm not abused, I speak the devil's tongue of torment. Ruining my life gives me guilt. I can't hold any more; my shoulders hurt. Words flow so easily out of me that I can't force them down too much, or else they leave my mouth. I need a strong man to punch me so hard that my jaw is out of place. My teeth need to fall out, and my tongue should be cut out and burned to death. I want to be forced to never communicate and let my words burn deep inside to the point where I couldn't even talk if I tried. The words I would say would be mumbles left to rot as my friends learn to work into their lives. and I act like a man would love me…

The heart

The organ that beats blood and oxygen around my body is the organ I wish to fail as fast as possible. I hope one day I either die or gain an emotional heart. The one we all have but don't. The one organ we separate from the brain beats and dances. She leaves her flowers for all to expect from me when I want them. If she visits, she gives me her rejection bouquet. The flowers that expired and consumed nothing but space. She reminds me that I'm disgusting by providing a smudged mirror… Till one day she leaves a flower, an alive one. He was born of the skies, gifted by God. He felt pity for all the dead flowers I had received. He had beauty and grace; he was a true man. I worshipped him; he gained a vase of water of purest property; she finally danced for me; every time I fed my plant or even smiled, she swayed and danced to the tunes of my eyes. I don't deserve such a flower; he was made to be watched at all hours of his life. God, I wish he was here to see all the works of art I have, all 294 in my gallery. He wasn't made for trash like me, the pathetic women of the world. The ones who live in pathetic filth and make due with pennies for funds and dollar-based appetites. He wants a pretty girl with skinny legs and long hair. The types of girls who do themselves pretty and think of their looks before their grades yet somehow end with perfect, As in every class. She who danced yet fought, she who was pretty and smart, she who was skinny and curved, she who smiled with humanity, She is a sex symbol; she is an American bombshell; she is perfect inside and out; she is someone who could be subservient to a man yet work if needed. She of dreams, she of realities unknown; she is who he deserves, yet she is not me. I can't dance nor fight, I speak loudly and it can irritate, I was not pretty nor was I smart, I'm not skinny yet my curves are incorrect, I smiled from fear and anxiety, I of average, I of ignored, I of "who is she?" I of "Ugh, I hate her." I of "Can you believe she did…!" I of insect, I of bug, and I of animal. I desire a good beating, not just two fingers; I want the entire hand, not just one soft item; break your bottles on my head; watch me bleed for men who hear my name and say who? Watch me suffer for boys who think of me once or twice. In their lifetime, to watch my flower, I would give my left lung; to hear him say my name, I would donate my arm and my kidney; to have him even talk to me, I would give up ownership of my rights and become property. The sacrifices I would make to be loved are horrifying.

[krikeymate]

Same anon here Btw! And I much prefer your take on the foster care/estranged older sister story thing Omg

I just thought of it quickly but damn the details on yours are much more intriguing I read it back a couple times.

Also we wouldn’t put Sam as Tara’s mom if Christina made herself more present lmao 😭😭😭

I'm glad you liked it!!

Part 1.

So, in order for Sam to take custody of Tara, she needs to petition the courts. She has to prove she's a suitable guardian! And well, she's not. She's got a criminal record, a history of drug use. She's got a life-altering mental health condition that rears its head in the worst way if she misses even a single dose. She works a shitty minimum-wage job and lives in a one-bedroom apartment. The girls aren't even acquainted. Ordinarily, this would be an open-and-shut no. Except... Sam has come into a lot of money with her parents' deaths, they both owned property, they both had substantial savings. And there's the question of how did this happen? After all, how could a child be born undetected, how did no one notice this child never went to school, how did she end up back with her mother, why was there no one watching the family from the beginning? Tara's social worker gets Sam in touch with a lawyer, and Sam sues a whole lot of people for gross negligence and failure to safeguard.

They give her custody.

Sam can't say her reasons are entirely altruistic, the situation comes with a life-changing amount of money. And a life-changing discovery as she clears out what used to be her home. Turns out her mother really was the absolute worst, all her life. She keeps it to herself.

Sam finds this parenting thing is much easier than she worried it would be. Feed the kid, make sure she's clean and clothed and safe. Take her to doctor's appointments, and social worker check-ups, and refill her inhaler prescription. And, ok, Sam knows there’s more to parenting than this, but it’s also the only thing she can do for the kid. Sam sleeps on the couch while she finds them somewhere new to live, and the kid spends most of her time curled up in a blanket under the bed. She tries not to react to the weird things she does, or the way she flinches if she shuts the door a little too rough. She tries not to wonder if this could have been her if she hadn’t been removed when she was.

The girl isn’t ready to be around others, but they tell her she needs an education, so Sam gets her a tutor, who also functions as a babysitter. It takes 3 months before Tara stops shaking when Sam goes to leave her with the sitter. That very first day had taken her by surprise. In the 5 months she had been with her, the girl had kept to herself, stayed quiet and out of reach. That day, Tara had attached herself to her leg and began to cry and Sam got to hear her speak for the very first time: no nonono no please no. She had to call off work sick that day to calm her down. Things changed after that. Tara became clingy.

Where previously she would watch Sam from afar with furrowed brows and suspicion (and sometimes even anger, she thinks), now she constantly hovers nearby. She’s always watching. She’ll willingly slip her hand into hers when they’re out and about. She crawls into her bed at night and sleeps at the foot, near but not touching. (The first morning after they moved, Sam nearly had a heart attack when she went to check on her sister and found the room empty. The girl was in her favourite place to be, under Sam’s bed.) Sam wonders why she ever sprung for a two-bed in the first place, then remembers, oh yeah, the social workers. Tara can still be taken back from her at any time, and she’s got to admit, she’s gotten used to having her around.

Tara’s a week from 14 when she makes Sam cry for the first time. Sam had been ranting – Tara had been so irritating lately, leaving her possessions where Sam would trip over them, being lazy, refusing to clean up after herself – and Sam couldn’t take it anymore. Mid-lecture, the girl screams at her to shut up and pushes her. It doesn’t hurt, she barely even budges, but the act feels so meaningful. Tara’s anger fades in an instant, apologies flying off her tongue, and Sam just pulls her in and hugs her tight. She’s so happy her sister feels safe enough with her to lash out and not fear the consequences. A week later she presents her with adoption papers for her birthday. It won’t change much for them, but the way Tara throws herself into her arms and says I love you for the first time tells Sam all she needs to know. She wonders how she almost passed on this.

[iguessitsjustme]

In honor of my latest bad date, I thought it would be fun to let y'all choose the worst date I've ever been on

Also here's additional context for all of them:

He also couldn't carry a conversation and I had to do all of the social interaction work. However, after the date I went to H-Mart and had a lovely interaction with a gorgeous girl and was able to buy Korean corn dogs. This date happened today.

He at least could hold a conversation. Not a good conversation but the bar is low.

This happened when I was young and I have since become much, much better at establishing boundaries. He also saw a look inside my roommates room, saw a bunch of American flags, and asked "is your roommate a staunch republican." She is very much not a republican. She's left-leaning, she just loves her country and wants it to be better.

I actually kind of liveblogged this happening in real time. The link should take you to the first post about it. I hope.

One of my first online datse. Again, I have since learned how to establish boundaries and I would 100% leave a date like that now.

About 2ish weeks after I turned him down, he texted me to complain about him constantly getting rejected

He is single-handedly the reason I hate the "be persistent and get the love interest" trope. You've been rejected. Move on. He also tried to kiss me a few times even after getting rejected. He messaged me out of nowhere years and years later to inform me that he was doing his dream job and also he had a girlfriend now. Good for you dude, I didn't ask.

This was a second or third date but I like paying for myself and I am broke-ish sooooo not great. Also this is on me but I didn't realize until the end of the date but my jeans were unbuttoned the whole time.

OKAY. This wasn't my date but I was on it for...reasons I guess. So in high school, this dude liked my friend and asked her out and she didn't like him but she was also desperate for a boyfriend. She did not want to be alone with him on the date though (not for safety reasons but just to have someone else there to help their social interactions I guess?). This is a guy that had previously asked me out about a year prior but I turned down and he graciously accepted and moved on. We went to see what my friend thought was going to be a romcom but ended up being a tragedy and my friend was pissed, though I really liked it. Anyway they dated for a little bit after that.

This is actually not my story but @heretherebedork who let me use his for a nice, even 10 options. This dude is a piece of work and that happened after they'd technically broken up. But apparently he said that Francis needed to be more feminine if he wanted to keep dating him. Seriously what the fuck is that?

[mecchantheotaku]

I'm sick and overwhelmed with bad memories, so I wanted to get it all off my chest. You don't have to read it or believe me, and there's so many trigger warnings I don't even know where to begin with tagging, but I need to let it all out. Read at your own risk.

My bad past began when I was very young, about three or four. I never really knew my dad back then, so the closest thing I had to a father was my brother's dad (we're half siblings with the same mum), and I don't really remember what happened back then, but my mum suggests that my emotions do remember, and she didn't sugarcoat what happened: my brother's dad would hit her. That's part of the reason she left him after only a couple of years. She thinks the emotional memories of witnessing that are what caused my fear of hostility, even when it's not directed at me.

Then I was diagnosed with autism at a young age and there was a lot of hard work involving me. My primary school life was all over the place, and I felt like I didn't fit in with either the special needs classes or the "normal" classes. This feeling of not belonging in either group has been consistent and I still feel it even to this day.

When I entered secondary school I was excited. It was a new experience, and I got to stay overnight for four nights a week. And the first year turned out okay. But come the second year when i was about 12-13, I started learning more about social cues, and I began to realise that despite this being a specialist school for autistic kids, that many of the other kids found me weird and made fun of me.

I always had issues controlling my temper, and back then, it was at its worst. I would have violent outbursts, and my bullies used that to their advantage. They would deliberately wind me up to get me sent to isolation. It was painful. And it eventually got so bad I hurt a close friend. Since then, I have made an active effort to not get into any sort of conflict.

In addition, I never got to learn the life skills I needed to know. At first I thought it was because I was staying four nights a week, but after my post-school life I came to realise that even if I did go home every day, I wouldn't have learned those skills.

And that's not even the worst thing about my school life. Back then, I was easily taken advantage of. There were five separate people in my life back then who would use my naivete to their advantage and get me to do things no one my age should ever be doing. I didn't realise how bad it was then. But now I do, and I feel disgusted in myself for it.

In addition, I discovered I liked boys and girls, so I came out as bisexual (I didn't understand asexuality at the time, so really, I discovered I was biromantic but didn't know) and my mum made fun of me for it, so I pushed myself so far back into the closet I gaslit myself into thinking I was straight and just looking for attention. I didn't get out of that state until I was 18 years old.

When I graduated secondary school, my.bad school life didn't end for a good few years after. I went to three separate colleges, and all of them ended on bad notes. The first one I personally hated and wanted to leave. The second one couldn't handle me and expelled me. And the third one eventually kicked me out for taking too long to make any progress. After that, I just gave up.

I was also struggling with loneliness and despair until I met a few people online who I'm still friends with to this day. They saved me back then.

After I left my last college is when the most nightmarish thing of all happened. My mum got a new boyfriend.

And while he seemed fun at first, things gradually changed with my family to the point it felt like a shadow of its former self ever since he arrived. My mum became a complete wreck, my brother left the house, we would never talk to anyone outside the house anymore... it felt like I'd been transported to a different world.

In addition, my stepdad (I will call him that because I do not want to refer to him by name) was being extremely pushy, manipulative and jealous. It felt like he was taking over the house. I put up with him because he would do nice things for me all the time... but then I slowly began to notice something horrible. He wasn't being nice to me. He was grooming me.

He would make all sorts of inappropriate comments and even sometimes touch me inappropriately despite me telling him not to, and when he eventually gifted me lacy panties (which he admitted to having a fetish for) and a freaking vibrator (I had told him I was asexual which he would deny). I felt unsafe in my own safe space.

My long-distance boyfriend then told me to tell my brother about this. So I did. And he immediately took me out of that house, and now I'm at my grandma's house, trying to recover from everything I described above.

And it's so hard. I've wanted to escape this world several times throughout all of this, and I still want to now. But I can't. My body won't let me.

And that's everything. I'm sorry for this post being so long and so full of horrible stuff. You don't have to believe me. I just wanted to say it.

[cartoonfuel]

Cookie Dough Ice Cream — Chapter 1

First Post (includes actual writing lol) — Multifandom x Reader/Reverse Harem

BEFORE YOU READ: I have some explaining to do. 🥴

So my buddy @lou-struck and I created harems for each made up of anime characters from literally aaaaalllll over the board (at random!). For my Ouran High School Host Club fans out there: You may get a kick outta this!

@lou-struck’s harem includes:

Tooru Oikawa - Haikyuu!! (Playing the Perfect/Princely One)

Edward Elric - Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood (Tsundere)

Shoto Todoroki - My Hero Academia (Strong Silent Type)

Ayato Sakamaki - Diabolik Lovers…unfortunately (Badass)

Armin Arlert - Attack on Titan (Best Friend)

Denki Kaminari - My Hero Academia (Pervert)

Zenitsu Agatsuma - Demon Slayer (Comedian/Comedic Relief)

Kusuo Saiki - The Disastrous Life of Saiki K (Enemy…I’d be terrified if I were @lou-struck)

Pretty loaded roster, amiright? >:D

Please note that this is purely FOR FUN and nowhere near as detailed as my typical projects. But…it definitely has a lot of personality! 🫠

** Written in active voice second person POV (I usually do not write using active voice).

And uhh…college au was literally the only way to make this work lol

If all that makes sense…then let’s begin Chapter One. Enjoy!

~~~~~

Cookie Dough Ice Cream — Chapter 1

Word Count: 1K

TW: None

- One - Two -

~~~~~

Every Tuesday after class, you and your best friend Armin go to get ice cream together at the local Baskin-Robbins. You catch up, talk about your week, complain about the people in your social circle. Sure, it’s a little bit toxic, but it’s harmless for the most part.

“The guy won’t leave me alone,” you explain to Armin after shoving a spoonful of cookie dough ice cream into your mouth. “I don’t know what to do anymore!”

Armin sighs. “You have to stop leading him on.”

“But I swear I’m not!”

“You have to tell him to his face that’s he’s not welcome—no tiptoeing around it.”

“Are you actually Armin in there? Or did a ghost possess you?”

“I’m being serious! This guy’s trouble and you know it and now I’m starting to get concerned.”

You collapse face-first onto the table and sigh. “I know…” You pause. “I mean, he’s just a creep more than anything.”

“A strong attractive creep that everyone seems to like despite the weird aura he gives off.” Armin crosses his arms. “I still can’t get over the time he sniffed the back of your neck.”

“Can we not talk about that please?” You try to hide your blush though fail miserably. Suddenly, your eyes go big. “You think he’s a vampire?!”

“Ayato Sakamaki is not a vampire,” Armin replies, clearly used to the silly conclusions you would often jump to.

“A girl can dream, can’t she?”

“You girls always fantasize about that stuff. I don’t get it.”

“Eh, we may think we like that stuff but it’s probably pretty scary in real life.”

“Speaking from experience, are you?”

“Definitely not, and thank god for that.”

All of a sudden, Armin’s eyes widen for just a moment, peaking your interest. You hesitate to glance over your shoulder and determine what it was that distracted your friend.

“Don’t look now,” he says quietly. “Your boyfriend is here.”

You knew exactly what he meant by that. “Oh? You mean the delusional college volleyball player who misunderstands the undeniable fact that I am not his girlfriend?”

Out of nowhere, a powerful hand clamps down on your shoulder and startles you. “Look who it is! Good to see you! Seems like Baskin-Robbins is the place to be, eh?”

“Unfortunately,” you growl, turning and glaring at the man standing above you.

“Yikes! What’s with the nasty scowl?”

“You’re interrupting my ice cream date, Oikawa.”

Tooru Oikawa. He’s not the worst scum bag on the planet, but definitely one you didn’t want to get involved with. The way girls would drool all over him always bothered you. However, part of you wondered what was actually going on inside that fat head of his as you never shot down the possibility of his arrogant attitude simply being a front.

“Oh, well my sincerest apologies!” He leaned towards you, now resting his hands on the back of your seat. “It won’t happen again, honest! Because next time, it’ll be our own little outing.” The hairs on your arms stood up. “Can’t interrupt a date you’re already on, can you?”

You roll your eyes. “If that’s your way of asking me out—for the sixth time this month—it’s a bit aggressive, don’t you think?”

“Aggressive is the only way I play, honey!” Armin started chuckling. Oikawa turned to look at him. “What’s so funny?”

“Aggressive?” Armin replied. “More like desperate. But I’ll be nice and assume you meant you play aggressively on the court and not in the dating world.”

Oikawa gave you some room to breathe, pulling up a chair next to you and your best friend. “Listen, I could have any girl I want. HOWEVER! I realize how special your friend is.”

Armin shrugged. “Well, you’re not wrong. She is pretty damn special. Which is exactly why you aren’t good enough for her. Don’t you have some lame sport to go play?”

Now it was your turn to notice some idiot wandering into the ice cream shop. This time, it was your mortal enemy: Kusuo Saiki. Realizing he was here, you immediately stood up and got your things together.

“Whoa, everything okay?” Oikawa asked you.

“Nope!” You said in a hurry. “Gotta go. Armin, I’ll fill you in later.”

However, in order to leave the Baskin-Robbins, you’d have to pass by Saiki, currently standing in line for his ice cream. You desperately hoped being fast alone would be enough for him to ignore you.

“Oh,” Saiki said as soon as he saw you. “Just my luck. Thought I’d get to catch a break for once and be able to enjoy Baskin-Robbins’ new coffee jelly flavored ice cream in peace.”

You started to panic. “And you will! I was just on my way out.”

The scariest part was, you knew Kusuo Saiki was a psychic. You were one of the few people who did, and the day you found out his secret was hands down the worst day of his life—and you’re sure he’s had a lot of worst days! That day is probably why he has such a strong distaste towards you. You’re afraid in the future he might internally explode from all the turmoil he deals with on a daily basis and possibly take it out on you.

“Stop acting so terrified, I’m not going to hurt you,” Saiki snapped.

“You could,” you chuckled anxiously. “Really, I was leaving, so I’ll see you around! You don’t need to worry about seeing this ugly mass of bones and muscle! Bye!”

And with that, you darted out of the shop, leaving Saiki to silently pray that you never discover the true reason as to why he passionately hates your guts so much.

~~~~~

Alright! So that showcases SOME of the fandoms I’m familiar with at least. Bro, I’m scared for MY harem…pretty sure that consisted of Light Yagami (yikes already), Mikey from Tokyo Revengers, Kyo (Fruits Basket), Katsuki Bakugou…yeah, I’m dead.

Anyway, thanks for reading! This was a fun concept to carry out and I look forward to updating it sometime soon.

Oh! And I’ll add this to my welcome post, but it is worth noting I actually am a volleyball coach/player. So any Haikyuu I write…I try to make fairly accurate! ☺️ Again, thanks for reading and see ya later!

[royalminty]

,,,Gotta be honest the new HBO Velma is leaving a really bad taste in my mouth...

I’m gonna just start off with this: No, I don’t have an issue with most of the Scooby Gang being POC. The gang’s races has never been an integral part of their character, and adding in some cultural details could be a really fresh way of developing them as characters!

My issue is that... it feels like the people around this show are only calling it a Scooby Doo series for the brand recognition. The HBO Scooby Gang feel like entirely different characters with the Gang’s veneer slapped on top at the last minute.

Velma, for the most part, seems okay? From what I can find, they’re keeping her as the nerdy bookworm, so that’s good, the core of her character is still there. I think they’re also making her cynical, which I have no issue with, it’s been done before. Her design is also totally fine. She’s still recognizable as Velma, she’s appealing to look at, no problems there.

Next is Fred. I really don’t like them calling him the “White guy who takes the credit”. That’s not who Fred is, at least, not in the majority of adaptations. He’s the popular athletic guy who confidently lays out plans. More recent series have made him an overconfident but well-meaning himbo, and Mystery Inc made him an Autistic guy with traps as a special interest, which I loved!

Fred’s kind of a blank slate, you can do a lot with him, so finding out that he’ll be portrayed as kind of a vain asshole is... disappointing. It’s such a boring take on his character.

His design looks fine, though.

Now for Daphne. OUGH the showrunners have no respect for her! "She was attractive, but also… she wore purple. That’s it. Until now… Our Daphne is diverse." John Showrunner, you have clearly not studied your Scooby history. Your Scoobstory, if you will.

Daphne has been a lot of things in a lot of adaptations. Yes, Where Are You made her the clumsy damsel in distress. It was a 1960′s kids show with a Hanna Barbara budget. But subsequent series have built on that. She’s been a hyper-confident hyper-feminine woman who uses feminine things in creative and amazing ways, she’s an intrepid reporter overflowing with curiosity, she’s a femme fatale with expert martial art skills, she’s a hopeless romantic, she’s a fucking weirdo, she’s the leader of the gang!

She is not just “attractive and wears purple”.

It seems they’re going to portray her as a ruthless popular girl with a crush on Velma. Not the worst take they could go for, but she could be better. Take notes on how previous writers have handled her! Have her be the leader of the school newspaper, nosey and ruthless about getting that scoop!

I don’t know, just something that feels like Daphne.

Another character where the design is fine. Kinda wish her hair was a little different but... eh, not a huge deal.

And finally

Norville.

Now, I’ve seen some people complaining about a “name change” but no, Norville Rogers is canonically Shaggy’s real name, so kudos to the showrunners for knowing that!

So... I have some issues with Norville. I’ll start off by being positive: I kinda like the angle they’re going for with him being autistic and socially awkward. That, in my opinion, fits with Shaggy’s characterization! He would be weird, he would be an outcast!

...I really don’t like his design, though. The only thing he has in common with Shaggy is facial hair and a green shirt.

I get that they’re gonna change his hair style to fit Norville’s race, but couldn’t they pick a hairstyle that better suits Shaggy’s silhouette? Give him longer dreads or braids, hey, how about some jheri curls? I think that’d be a good choice, but I’m far from an expert.

Maybe make the chin hair sparser, make his forehead smaller and his chin more prominent?

Norville is also described as initially anti-drug, which makes me think they’re gonna have him eventually be a pothead because of all the stoner Shaggy jokes/theories/headcanons.

And I’m honestly a liiiittle concerned that the only black man in the cast is gonna be a drug-user, it feels a little... eh...

Honestly, it’s really disappointing that the people making a Scooby Doo show don’t seem to have ever actually watched Scooby Doo! They don’t seem to care about the franchise or the characters.

Not only that, but Daphne gets sexualized in the teaser. She’s literally naked with her bits covered by soap bubbles.

This is a prequel series. Fred is stated to be 16. If they’re going off the canon ages, that’d make Daphne 15 and Velma 14.

You see the issue, right?

[inbarfink]

I suppose my Hot Take 'bout the 'Not Like the Other Girls' thing, as a certified Was a Weird GirlTM in High School, is that it's very Frustrating how it's discussed as… "is it Internalized Misogyny or a Valid Way for Ostracized and Bullied Girls to Talk About Their Experiences?" because it's kinda both???

Like, being a teenager is messy, We Live in a Society, you can't expect every lonely teen girl to personally untangle every aspect of the background radition of sexism she lives in before she tries to vent about how it seems no other girl in school understands her. So elements of misogyny and slut-shaming (ESPECIALLY slut-shaming) can seep through their feelings and like - we should be able to discuss it critically, because there IS misogyny in there. But that doesn't mean we need to talk about it like it's the WORST or ONLY form of Internalized Misogyny out there (when trying to force other women to conform to standards of Femininity via bullying and other social pressures is a much worse and important example).

And that also doesn't mean we can't have compassion for these girls and understand where their feelings are coming from…

It also frustrates me how many external factors are ignored in favor of just blaming it all on the Not Like the Other Girls individually. Even leaving aside that Sexism is Everywhere and how this is generally a reaction to being ostracized or isolated by the Other Girls - I see very few people talk about how many Weird Girls ostracized from female-centeric spaces can find a sort of conditional acceptance in male-centeric spaces… with the condition being that we tolerate and/or participate in the dudes' casual misogyny - and the effect that can have on us.

Or of representation of 'Not Like the Other Girls' in media - generally written by an actual grown up dude writer whose idea of making a female character 'cool' is making sure she hates women just as much as he does. But barely no one talks about them and instead all of the energy seems to go into mocking the Actual IRL Teen Girls and ONLY them.

A lot of the time, it really just feels like an excuse to find a Feminist-Approved Reason to make fun of teenage girls.

[deathbypufferfish]

for miyu:

👪 FAMILY - what is their family like? what is your ocs relationship to them? does your oc have any siblings?

🎭 MASKS - do they act differently around certain people? what's different between the way they act around friends, family, strangers, etc.?

🕷️ SPIDER - what is their biggest fear? do they have any irrational / mundane fears?

for oscar:

📸 CAMERA - do they enjoy having their picture taken? what's their go-to pose? do they like taking photos? what do they take photos of?

✂️ SCISSORS - what is the "last straw" for them to cut someone out of their life? how easily do they let go of people?

📚 BOOKS - how were they at school? what is their best subject? what is their worst subject? do they have a favourite subject?

for both!:

🎀 RIBBON - how would they fit into other worlds / aus? what aus would you like to try out? what fictional world would they fit / not fit into?

💙 BLUE HEART - do they miss their s/o easily? how do they act when their s/o isn't around?

💌 LOVE LETTER - do they like love letters? what kind of messages do they leave for their partner?

DAMN CRAB!!!!!

Miyu:

👪: I think I answered this a while ago when I did this before but I cant find it. Time has passed anyways. She is very close with her Moms, Nina is over the most because she works freelance. She's also close with her siblings, mostly Yusuf and Hana because they are closest in age. Faruk is like 15 years younger so she didn't grow up with him much. 🎭: she used to have the socially awkward trait before it switched to outgoing (because of growing together) so she definitely would act different with others but she always has been a proud weird girl. But she's the most herself with Oscar <3 🕷️: Answered here!

Oscar:

📸: He doesn't mind having his picture taken but he is absolutely terrible at posing for them. His ass doesn't know what to do. He still manages to look hot though ✂️: He has no tolerance for people being mean towards his loved ones. He'll try to resolve it once or twice but otherwise he is confident in leaving people behind if they cannot own up to their actions 📚: Oscar was a bit of a troubled child. He was always very shy and had a hard time making friends. And in middle school he had a period where he kept getting into fights for no reason. Once he was in high school and was going to therapy he found his love for marine biology. His worst subject would be math.

Both:

🎀: Okay I'll just say the characters I think somewhat fits them/I've thought about drawing them as; Rapunzel and Eugene, Link and Zelda, Sophie and Howl, Sonia and Rauru, and Elizabeth Bennet and Mr.Darcy. Not of them actually fit their personalities obviously hhehe 💙: they will miss each other a lot being apart but are also content at the same time to be doing different things as they've gotten older. They text a lot when they're apart and it's usually nonsense 💌: Yes <3 In the morning Oscar leaves sticky notes for all his girls before he goes out on the boat <3

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

I'm gonna send this to you cause you are more understanding.

There are some blogs here that looove to talk about Taylor's obsesion with alchool and love to wonder how many times of drugs she has done in her life and still does. And like 1) just bc she hangs around people that do drugs, doesn't mean she does it. I don't and i have some friends that really like drugs 2) even she did do, wich i"m not saying it's impossible - is it necessary to talk about it as if this is a pride moment???

Cause the way people in this industry keep dying more and more from OD, i hope to god she stays the fuck away. Bc all it takes it's 1 time that feels different from the other times and boom she's an addict.

Like the way coke it's getting more and more into pop music scares me. Before it was alchool, then weed and coke is going the same direction. We have Harry, Dua, The Weeknd using cocaine in songs like it's so normal and it shouldn't be.

I can't be the one that gets terrifed about it. Drugs can change a person so much, so fast and i will never wish that on Taylor. But the way the industry is normalizing drugs is getting really scary for me and i seem to be only one stressed. Maybe i should leave this site tbh

I'm going to start this by saying this is coming from someone who considers themselves a recovering addict and while I wouldn't go as far as to see myself an alcoholic at any stage of my life, I definitely have had periods where I relied far too heavily on it.

So there's two aspects I want to touch on here: Celebrity drug culture as a whole and specifically Swifties reaction to not only Taylor's drug use, but other celebrities'.

In terms of general celebrity drug culture, to be completely honest, I don't necessarily agree with you that it's become more normalised, or at least that that's the issue here. Like my parents used to talk about big artists doing the same drugs back in their days and how it was the world's worst kept "secret". So instead I would say that the way that it is spoken about has changed over time. Rather than alluding to or implying it, celebs are just more blunt now. A big part of this is a small aspect of society as a whole no longer being willing to hide things. Like back in my mother's day, girls would rather die than call their period a period while in school but my generation did. Likewise things like mental illness (which addiction is part of, but I mean more broadly), reproductive health choices and other social issues are no longer being hushed. So again, I don't necessarily think the issue is in how blunt celebrities are being, but I do think it's representative of an issue that has plagued the industry (and society as a whole) for generations and a reminder that after a certain point, money doesn't buy happiness nor shield you from certain struggles.

On the positive side, I also think this bluntness has led to a place where celebrities like Elton John can speak freely and be an advocate for sobriety. As a mother figure/guardian of a preteen, it's also a good reminder to parents to talk to their children about the risks of drug use and remind them that not every action a celebrity takes needs to be replicated.

When it comes to Taylor and her fanbase, I completely agree that this fandom has been, and excuse my language here, fucking weirdos about her recreational drug use (+ mental health as a whole and even sex life) for at least nearly decade now, whether it's stuff we know she's had like alcohol or speculation of other stuff like cocaine. For the record, while I doubt she's a frequent user let alone addicted, given she's in the industry and been to her fair share of parties, it would not surprise me if she has tried heavier stuff than weed and alcohol. But either way, this fandom has been weird in that a lot of it is very much split into a once larger/louder but quietening group of arguably ableist puritans who refuse to even consider the possibility that she has taken heavier stuff and genuinely think she's a better person than addicts for it and another now louder group of people who think that making jokes about her sobriety and alcohol intake is not only acceptable, but funny.

Both sides are weird period, but I'll be honest, much like it seems to with you, the second group grinds my gears more and make it harder for me to be in this fandom given my past issues. I remember when Reputation first came out, my dash was filled with "Not 10 months sober anymore!", "We get it Taylor, you're an alcoholic!" and other jokes of that calibre which, even as recently as Midnights' release, got rehashed with "Taylor's on her drinking bender again!" jokes. And as a recovering addict and someone who feels they relied on alcohol too much (especially at the time Reputation was released), it made and continues to make it hard to partake in this fandom. To quote Taylor herself "The jokes weren't funny". They never were and to be honest, are even more horrifying post Folklore Long Pond where she, Jack and Aaron spoke about some very serious shit about alcohol that I resonated with as someone who relied on alcohol too much at one point in my life. And yes, I understand Taylor has made the odd joke about learning to make an alcoholic drink or whatever, but there is a big difference between that and ongoing alcoholism jokes coming from people who don't know her. But like you said, either way, it's not something that's really appropriate to joke about, let alone be proud of (thankfully I have not seen any of that, but I do not doubt people are saying it given this fandom's history).

The hardest part to see however is the way that both of these sides come together to bully and harass other artists to prop Taylor up. Like despite heralding Taylor as a supporter of addicts for releasing Clean and acknowledging that a lot of her fans relate it to sobriety, every single time someone disagrees with Taylor or otherwise does "wrong", these same fans that heralded her jump on the chance to belittle and villainise addiction when it has nothing to do with the situation at hand. I've even had it happen with me via hate anons over stupid shit like liking RED over 1989 in the 1989 era. Like as a whole, this fandom's lack of boundaries in general, but especially with this topic, is a big reason I keep to myself and am not that close to many people within the fandom.

In saying all of this though, if there's something I've learned from being a long term Demi Lovato stan, it's that while we can obviously care about Taylor, stressing will not do anything because we do not know her personally and cannot do anything even if she does become addicted (again noting that I don't think she is or will, just talking hypothetical here). And obviously that's far easier said than done because you're right, it is scary. But you need to prioritise your own mental health however you can. So whether that's blacklisting tags or taking some time away from this site, that's valid. But please know that either way, you are always welcome in this inbox and that I want nothing but the best for you 💜

[anderson-residence]

I read a book with little parenting things. I used those headers as little mini prompts for a story of Lana and Landon uwu @wynterlanding enjoy some drables

Your kids will do and say bizarre things that will cause others to doubt your morals

Lana used to wander around unsupervised. Now she thankfully had a guardian that would keep an eye on her, but that didn't stop her from talking to strangers or asking weird questions or saying bizarre things. Combined it was only a matter of time before something Lana said would lead to someone giving her adoptive parent a questionable glance. 

Today was no exception to the never ending stream of oddities the girl could come up with. And of course she had to say it to a social worker checking in on the child's foster family. "Miss Camile have you ever peed in a cup?"

Your children will insult you often without knowing it

Lana was playing at her friend Mayson's house, climbing in the Anderson's backyard tree house. Lana, Mayson, and Cole were racing in circles around the tree, climbing up, sliding down a built in slide and repeatedly running all around. They were having a good time. They were sure to sleep well tonight, all this running was going to tire them out. A parent could only hope.

Peeking out from the top of the tree fort, Lana called down to her adoptive father. "Dad you should come up here, it's so cool and I'm sure it'll hold your weight. You're not that fat after all!"

Finding yourself in disastrous situations will be common place

They were on a long drive, traveling a deserted stretch of forested road on a rainy night. It was early on into a road trip. It was quiet except for the sound of music coming through the radio at a low volume. Lana had fallen asleep in the backseat, with a stuffed animal shoved between her head and the booster seat head rest as a makeshift pillow. But the calm of the drive was not to last.

Lana awoke and with a quiet mumble set today's particular disastrous situation into motion. "I have to pee." This was not the place for it.

Sometimes you will laugh at your children's misfortune and that's okay.

Lana was already eight years old, which meant she was an older child and more capable than a child just a year or two younger than her but that didn't mean she didn't still struggle with her fair share of tasks. She was well on her way but there was a long way to go. 

Sometimes she would get shampoo in her eyes or over fill the tub with bubble bath, other times she was liable to wet the bed or spill her drink in her lap. The by far most amusing misfortune the girl faced was getting her head stuck in her pull overs. Lana had a dramatic flair about her whenever that happens, which brought a certain hysterical nature to the whole thing.

"Dad! Dad! Daadddy! Help I'm trapped again!"

Your children will hear you discussing things with other adults and may try to use words they heard you saying, this could be a good comedic relief.

Lana had heard a lot of more mature things when she was under Sarah's 'care' or rather oppressive shadow, and heard even more questionable things when she was allowed to roam the streets. On top of all that she had quite the perceptive and keen ear for these things. 

Even now that she wasn't openly exposed to as much, the more adult conversations being saved for after the child went to bed, she was liable to say things that would make anyone raise an eyebrow at worst or laugh at best. One could never be truly prepared for the comedic relief that might leave the child's mouth with her lack of understanding of things she was all too willing to repeat.

One day after falling off her scooter Lana came crying to Landon as she rubbed her bruised knee "Dad I think I dislocated my testicles"

You will be amazed by the amount of love you feel

All the struggles from the hell Sarah put them through, to the paperwork and hoops to jump through with fostering and adopting, to all the shit the school thought of... it was all worth it in the end. Lana clearly loved her new family strongly and unconditionally and the sweet acceptance and love of the child were felt through every member and filled every wall of the household.

Lana was all Saturday morning cartoons and coming to sleep in her parents' room after a bad dream, coloring books and drawings made just for you, hugs and warmth, and the stars in the sky. 

And it was hard not to feel in return. Signing those adoption documents proved it. She was part of the family now, things wouldn't be the same around here without her constant questions or glitter explosions. Still. It was amazing, wasn't it? Just how quick and deep the roots could run and the love could flow.

[daydreaming-in-daisies]

Once again I'm up late because I can't sleep, I have a headache, and I'm still freaking out about potentially not graduating this semester. What else is new lol. Like fucking hell will this trash ass period of my life just fucking END ALREADY????? I swear to God being in school for so long has felt like I'm living in some weird ass time warp. The worst part is seeing people my age who have been out for a few years and have been able to travel, build their own life, and actually exercise their independence. Not experiencing those things and not knowing when I will when I so badly want to is pretty embarrassing. It makes me feel delayed compared to my peers.

I know everyone's life is different and life isn't linear, but damn, at times I still feel like my childish, awkward 18 year old self. I think it's because I've recognized that I made a lot of decisions I wasn't actually ready for back then, and I'm realizing how shitty the consequences of that are now. I definitely picked the wrong major. However, there's no way I could've just not gone to college because what else was I gonna do. I didn't realize that I wanted to do fashion until that introspective period of the pandemic. I didn't realize that it was okay to change my mind about goals I once had and to potentially disappoint others in the process. Idk why exactly, but before then I thought that changing your mind, growing as a person, whatever you wanna call it was bad. Like it just made me "fake" or "indecisive" or something like that.

I was also still pretty heavily into manifesting/LOA/toxic positivity, which back then I didn't have the life experience, maturity, or desire to confront the fact that that was a bunch of bullshit that I was taught and that basing some of my life decisions on what I thought I was going to "attract" was dumb af. I only stopped believing in that pseudo-spiritual, pseudoscientific garbage about a year ago. Which by the way, leaving that cult (yes, it's a cult idgaf) after practically growing up in it was easily one of the most difficult things I did. Because it took me years to actually sit with myself and recognize that this was a belief system that was not only damaging, but also not at all science or reality-based like these fraudulent-ass LOA gurus say it is. That shit had a HUGE influence o on me, as well.

So I guess I don't necessarily feel like I'm still the dumbass teenage/early 20s that I was before, but I definitely feel like I'm forced to live as that person sometimes, because much of my external environment from that time period hasn't changed. I still go to the campus that I did when I was 18, I still have a lot of the same personal items (ex. clothes, school supplies, accessories, etc.) from back then, I still have to center my life around school like I did back then, etc.

That's why I feel so fucking trapped. Idk if I'll finish this semester. I really hope I do, but there's a chance that I'll graduate next semester. I dread having to do this shit for another semester, because I no longer want live as the sad college girl who's constantly losing her damn mind over grades and classes that I won't even use in real life. Tbh my entire educational experience hasn't been that great, and I've realized that academia just isn't for me. It's not an environment I thrive in and that's fine. For years I felt guilty about being one of those people who didn't live up to the "high school/college is the best years of your life!" ideal. But I don't feel that way anymore because I've realized there's more to life outside of those stressful, and quite frankly, OVERRATED years of your life. Like fr having gone through college and being almost finished, I can honestly say it's not a big deal if you didn't particularly like those years. Trying to get a degree while balancing a job, your social life, your health, and your sanity is fucking HARD and from what I've witnessed, damn near an impossible standard. I don't know a single person who had all of that shit together. There were good moments, but I would NEVER revisit this shit ever again.

I have a lot of plans for after I graduate. I plan on starting my own business and revamping some of the stuff I had for it before. I also plan on travelling more often and getting a new job. I'm most definitely throwing away a bunch of my old shit because I don't wanna be reminded of my unsure, awkward college self. I also plan on hanging out with new people and building new relationships, but this time being smarter about who I hang out with lol.

I know this weird lull won't last forever, but sometimes it doesn't feel that way. All I know is that I'm pretty sure that mid 20s, delayed teenage rebellion is probably gonna start after I graduate. Idk how crazy I'm gonna get (it probably won't be that bad lol), but after all of the fuckery I've been through over the years it's most definitely time to get lit fr.

[heliumcake]

literally nobody asked but i had one of the best days ever today i’m in such a good mood

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Top 10 unconventional ways to lose your virginity in a Bible honoring way

10. You're a virgin, but you're dating a boy who is very, very enthusiastic about sex. But then, on the date, you realize you really don't want to, but now the whole thing feels like a weird obligation, a social norm you'll never be able to leave behind

9. You were a virgin until some kind of spiritual experience, at which point a god tells you you have to share your virginity with the whole church, so you do, but you just end up with really awkward feelings about sex being one of the things you're giving away to the whole church

8. You're kind of a jerk, and your new (inevitable) girlfriend is really shy, and one night you're just like "I'll just come over and give her a blowjob if she wants that, I don't see why I would feel a sense of obligation about this, if I just did it, I was going to do it eventually anyway so why not just do it now," and it turns out that she wants to do it because she likes sex more than you do

7. You have to go on a date with this boy who is in the choir and he has an intense crush on you, but he's this very serious and intense Christian and has to say a lot of Bible verses on a date, and it's a kind of uncomfortable experience because you're thinking about "oh God, what does he think, oh God, should I make him stop talking, oh God, I feel this intense compulsion to keep talking, I should just sit there and stare at him until I lose track of time and then what will I have to do," but at the end of the date you feel really guilty about making him wait so long because you can't keep talking about the Bible the whole time and you just kind of look at him and feel the guilt building up and then you say you have to go home early and leave him with a "God's speed" thing and it's probably the worst date you've ever been on, but you go back home feeling like a total failure

6. You know this girl who has this really intense sexual experience which has the effect of turning her into a literal demon. And then, in this sort of surreal time loop, she winds up becoming your best friend, and then you break up and then she gets turned into a demon, and then you wind up with a new best friend who also had this intense sexual experience which has the effect of turning her into a literal demon, and then (etc.)

5. You're the only virgin in your small, conservative high school. You don't know how to do the sexual thing right, because that's the sort of thing you just don't know how to figure out until you do it with someone else, and when you finally talk to someone you really like you mention it, and they're like "oh no, don't worry about it, I do it all the time, you'll figure it out, just do exactly what I do next time" and then it's too late. You don't know how to do it with other people because you do not know what it is you should do

4. Your friend is trying to impress a girl, and she gives them a sex ed speech so they can do the sex thing, and it is not the sort of thing that can work unless you do it in exactly the right way with exactly the right timing, but you have been on a bunch of dates with her before and you know that she has really specific requirements, and it turns out the right answer is to have sex in a really awkward way with some other girl who knows nothing about the subject. Later, there's a party, and your friend's friend says "oh you know that girl, she said she had sex with your friend in a way which is very weird" and you ask your friend "what is the right way to do it, exactly?" and they just say "don't worry about it, it'll come to you when you've had more experience" and then later there's some sort of awkward party sex thing that isn't right and your friend says "you should have asked me what that felt like," because this is your life now

(Note: it is entirely plausible that any of this could actually happen in a real-life situation)