#being alive is too fucking hard

[cutearose]

.

[luck-of-the-drawings]

"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.." MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.

[ardentpoop]

common problem i have w/ a lot of fanon is that people tend to heavily overestimate how attentive dean is to sam's issues/needs. dean is often fucking clueless abt what sam is going thru lol. outside of the immediate strain it places on their relationship and their ability to do their Job.

[bookshelfdreams]

hey do y'all ever think about the fact that Charles probably has told Edwin about being beaten as a child at some point during their 34 years of friendship? And that Edwin likely never found it remarkable enough to ask further questions because back when he was alive, beating children was completely normal

[godasfarasyoureconcerned]

seen someone say it but it’s so poignant that izzy spends the entirety of episode 4 lashing out, screaming at the ship and at his own reflection. his anger and frustration comes out violently and he puts no effort into filtering it. he’s a drunk mess and doesn’t care to stifle his anger, if he even could. he’s used to feeling hurt and then lashing out. it’s normal for him to be hit and then go hit someone else about it. it’s normal for him to feel like shit and then go shout at someone about it. he can do that blackout drunk, and doesn’t even need another person around to do it

but when he’s gifted the leg, and suddenly given something to be actively happy about, he has to stifle his reaction. he suddenly has to choke back his emotion, and the words don’t even form. he can only shake and cry and keep himself as hushed as possible, literally clamping down with his hand to keep them restrained

anger is something he’s comfortable displaying even when intoxicated. but, even when intoxicated, bittersweet tears are something he feels he needs to literally hold in. anger is acceptable, anger is normal, anger is something he knows how to deal with. feelings of camaraderie, the sting of love like alcohol in a wound— he doesn’t know how to deal with it, nor is he comfortable sitting with it. it’s never been something he was allowed to embrace, and it’s still not something he even knows how to

sorta like if you keep getting hurt, your skin will scab and callous and you’ll get used to the feeling of that pain. it becomes normal and your body adapts to become tougher and more resilient. only problem with knowing how to power through wounds like that is that when it’s time to clean them, to wash them with alcohol to disinfect, it stings like something you’ve never felt. something deeper and sharper that your skin isn’t used to, something actively counteracting the way your body has adapted to repeated offenses. once you’ve felt enough scratches in your skin, the alcohol of healing hurts worse than yet another countless scratch

my poor guy has never ever healed from anything that’s happened to him, he’s always just powered through and calloused himself for the sake of efficiency. only realizing now that you can only power through with dirty open wounds so long before they start to fester and rot. poor guy doesn’t even know what healing feels like and he’s never been allowed to know. any previous attempts might’ve earned him “fuckin’ lightweight” and “if you can’t do it, someone else will” so even healing feels like something he has to stifle and keep quiet

[gravedigg]

Closeups of Angel's timeline, 1989 - 1998

[fortheloveofexy]

stepping away for a while. fics are on indefinite hiatus until i come back. queue will run for a while til it's out.

bye.

[cyellolemon]

Most normal mom ever and their cute little girl

First time posting these ocs yeay lore thing below

First, they're in the same story as Olive and Ambrose!! The blonde character is Laelia (they/them) they're part of the same cult as Ambrose and they're more or less the only person Ambrose actually has contact with in the cult (since he went back at least) Laelia is also the person who helps him finding the group of people he's looking for (they're kinda partners in crime ahah… they're isn't any affection between them tho, they're just using each other, but i think they can be very silly :3)

The little girl is Krystal, she's 1-2 years old, she's eerm… Laelia's kid….. at least if you ask them, because the truth is not really that. Actually if you ask Laelia about Krystal they will lie by saying something even worse than the truth, i won't say more that's kinda fucked up ahah Laelia is over protective with Krystal and to them, Krystal is promised to be the future cult leader (to summarize the cult members all went throught a "ritual" to give them a certain power and Krystal already has a real talent at using it)

Also Laelia met Olive as well (which made Ambrose super angry the first time ahah he doesn't want him to be involved with all the cult mess) Olive thinks they're kinda mysterious but seems to appreciate them

[fox-muldest]

Steve finds himself in an alternate universe where no one has ever heard of the Upside Down. He is very surprised to find certain people there, alive and well.

Part 2

[bonefall]

You may have answered this before, but how are you handling characters that don't believe in starclan, like mothwing and cloudtail? Personally I thought it was interesting when reading the books, considering cloudtail, but only to a point because it's very hard to write atheist characters in a setting where there's undeniable proof of the gods/spirits/etc. Like, how did they explain the literal forces of heaven and hell battling on earth??

As An Atheist Myself ™ I have a lot of feelings about the two of them. I think the short answer is just that in a setting where gods are literally undeniable facts of life, "Atheism" looks more like Dystheism, the belief that they exist, but are not worthy of worship.

That seemed to be the conclusion at the end of Mothwing's... i forgor the name of her novella 💀Mothflight's Blaspheme Boogie. It's actually why it's one of my favorite novellas, I really like the way it closes out with Mudfur trying to sales pitch StarClan's goodness to her, she doesn't buy a fucking penny of it, and ultimately concludes that the comfort it provides to her Clanmates is valuable to them but doesn't have to be for her.

So that's how I want to handle them. They have an outsider perspective to the fact that this is a theocracy, based on gods that can be vindictive and vengeful. Scourge/Iceheart is also joining these two, he actually is going to have a minor but important role in Squirrelflight's Horror as a ghost basically giving insight to what happens when you don't worship StarClan when you die.

With him and Mothwing I really know what I'm doing. Mothwing is insight to Leafpool, especially in TNP where she is now a POV, and observing how the though of StarClan influences the behavior of the cats around her. Scourge is killed in the Great Battle and serves as a ghost to witness their trial. Cloudtail...

Cloud's still evolving. He's going to be a supporting character with Ferncloud in her SE and exploring the feelings he has towards Ashfur, now his apprentice, becoming a villain. How he did his job perfectly, raised him with a deep respect towards the warrior code, and that lead to the person he is today. How he couldn't have done things "better" because this DID raise him the way his society expected him to.

But his dystheism is kind of secondary to that. I think the story I've got for him is fine so far, but it needs more of an 'ending' that I can't decide on until they finally kill him in the main books.

[crabussy]

I cried so hard while writing all of that. headache now. worth it. I'm so glad other people care about this just as much as I do. let's never give up hope ever

[labyrynth]

ok so your first problem was assuming mdzs is a story where Good People are Rewarded and Bad People are Punished.

your second problem was assuming that MXTX—who goes out of her way to showcase unresolved, tragic, undeserved endings in all of her works—would ever write a story with such a shallow notion of “deserving.”

the only reason wangxian makes it out unscathed is because they’re literally the protagonists. authorial intent and plot armor ensure their happy ending. that’s it.

[carnival-core]

Hey not to make a political post but does it ever feel like we can just never win and the suffering will be forever and we're always going to have to fight with moments of peace being fleeting and not worth looking forward to

[yurki-posts]

tw: vent art

[spacegoathours]

i’m like 1 more nervous breakdown from deleting this app and forgetting this fandom even happened lmao

[boxwinebaddie]

Wait so did Ike knoww about Stan and Kyle dating? Also I'd love to hear abt Kyle and Ikes sibling relationship thats so adorable

soooooo long story short:

...y-yes. yes, he Does know.

hOWEVER, IKE DOES NOT KNOW RAVEN IS STAN THOUGH, THAT IS SENSITIVE INFO THAT IKE CAN BE TRUSTED WITH, OFC, BUT IT WOULD PUT HIM IN DANGER AND KY WANTS TO KEEP HIM SAFE.

but long story Long...

i'll leave it in the crotch. xx

( edit: so...my bad, baby. i accidentally went on a crazy TANGENT about ike and jerseykyle's relationship bc i love them a lot and their dynamic is very complicated, so if you want that info about how ike found out about ravesey dating...i gotta put it in another ask.

bc this...got Very long.

you don't have to read this. soz. >.> )

oookay!~ so i got REALLY excited about this because rm!jerseykyle and ike's relationship is super duper special to me, in that, as sp fanfic writer girlie who tends to lean away from a more gentle, kindly, introspective kyle and much more heavily into the potential brutal parts and menacing aspects of kyle's personality when i develop my style dynamics with, ofc, jers being the most brutal of all ncu kyles...

...the way that he speaks to ike -- gently, softly, tenderly -- the way that ike disarms him, the way that j.k. unravels around ike, bends for him, it's one of the ONLY instances written into my actual published canon where we see jers be extremely vulnerable. ( not crying, lmao! )

however, i will say, it was not ALWAYS like that!

*rings the cd re-education bell*

LORE TIME!

so, per my rm!take on the south park lore, ike, ofc, was adopted from canada around age five and he...was Perfect. he was this lil gorgeous, perf, lovely thing, no health problems, dark hair, i like to think his eyes are dark brown, closer to black, sweet kid, easy-going...

...and very NOT like kyle.

and, interestingly enough, i think, At First, that sheila and gerald were super obsessed with ike, cooed over him, he was the baby, y'know? which made jerseykyle MAD jealous of ikey and an Anti from day one.

which is also v interesting because rm!ike, really just fkn Worshipped jerseykyle, wanted to be close to him, wanted his approval, craved that brotherly relationship with him, idolized him...and kyle was NOT having it, dawg! like, it took him so long to even let stan in and let his cold, black heart be light and bright enough in some spots to do That, so he pushed ike away, constantly told him to fuck off/get lost

( i do think that ike's vocab being more vulgar/him being precocious comes from wanting to impress kyle/being influenced by him ), also ike was really fkn smart from the jump in a way kyle wasn't like, to me, jerseykyle has worked hard for everything, studied hard, fought hard, and ike was naturally a child prodigy and didn't have to work that hard for anything, all while being gentle and docile and kind.

-- but going back to STAN for a minute...as a direct contrast to how jerseykyle treated ike growing up...gods angel saint ravenstan was always EXTREMELY KIND to ike. stan never had a brother: okay, he had shelley but his relationship with shelley was even more complex than ike and kyle's relationship used to be and the way shelley treated ravenstan was similar to the way jersey was treating ike, so he Deeply Sympathized with that and endeared himself to ike, encouraged him, and the more kyle pushed him away, the closer ike got to stan.

stan and ike i think ALSO had very similar interests in that they both liked louder, heavier music, revolutionary/counter culture stuff, fighting the MAN, sports ( namely hockey ) i think as a gift, actually, that ravenstan gave ike his wayne gretsky hockey yersey and ike STILL has it ( yes, kyle was jealous ), stan encouraged him to be different and carve his own path in life and while kyle, obvi, was the person most effected by stan's untimely passing...it did also do a number on ike who seriously considered stan like a brother to him and was one of the only other people who Never misgendered stan.

SPEAKING OF STAN DY*NG THOUGH: this was when everything sort of...Flipped. because when stan 'died', whatever part of kyle that could love things also died with him along with a lot of his stability.

so on top of all of his health issues, kyle got really, REALLY gnarly ptsd, would fly into blind rages, got randomly triggered by things and see stan everywhere, have really, really sever panic attacks, had to be put on several medications, got into TOOOONS of fights, etc.

and ike...was just sweet, introverted, lovely ike. stayed in his lane, did his work quietly, existed quietly...while kyle was Loud and VOLATILE.

also, to tie in Another ask where someone asked me while sheila didn't take care of ike as well as she could...fair warning, i am a liiiittle defensive abt this topic because it wasn't that she didn't want to take care of ike or meant to neglect him AT ALL, it's just...when you have a a child who has a lot going on mentally and physically, is more of a firestarter, is more aggressive or more outwardly mentally unstable...

...that tends to require more immediate attention ( especially since kyle was sooo unhinged that he was constantly in police stations, juvie, the psych ward ) and sheila's attention more helicopter parent-y in that she wanted to keep kyle safe, whereas geralds attention was more negative, felt kyle was a failure/embarrassment :/// </3 )

so ike, by COMPARISION to jersey, was VERY low maintenance, did not require to be constantly watched to make sure he didn't hurt himself or others, and so, unfortunately while sheila loved him very much ( gerald just wasn't very interested in him as the second kid other than that he not act up/argue w/ him ) he got swept under the rug because of how pliable and pleasant he was personality wise.

so sheila really does Adore ike, she just doesn't worry about him nearly as much and because of how glaring jersey's issues were, she also mistakenly assumes he's mostly fine where...i really do think ike has pretty gnarly depression, tbh. he is stan coded, i mean that. i will say that him acting out is starting to cause a stir in their house.

anyways...i am sorry this is such a MESS but jerseykyle was watched with laser focus and because of this, ike got off scott free most of the time and received almost no attention. like all his accomplishments went unnoticed or were pretty normalized because the standard he set v young being smart/capable, set the bar high. ilysm, ikey. </3

tldr; ike was The Good Child

and jersey was The Bad Child.

but, in being 'good', he got extremely overlooked by his parents.

thiiiiiiis...is where jerseykyle stepped in. so basically his entire life he was staunchly anti-ike, but he warmed up to ike a lot after stan died because they bonded over talking about him a lot/that grief, and also grew up under intense scary jewish matriarch sheila broflovski and the serious shit show that was having gerald as a father...who jersey actually regularly took shit from so ike wouldn't have to, i.g. when ike did something less than perfect or did misbehaved or fucked up, kyle always took the fall for it and was the messed up problem child, so that ike would essentially spared from gerald's mental abuse/wrath.

ike was also kind of the only person j.k. had in the world, so kyle looked after him because...again...ike is very stan coded, kyle is very protective of the lil gentle hearted people and he basically raised ike in the stead of his parents which forced him to be hard on him in a way that sheila and gerald were not hard on ike...which created a lot of dissonance when ike was becoming a teen and kyle was in hs.

so, essentially while when they were little kids, ike followed kyle around, wanted kyle to like him, thought kyle could do no wrong, as he got older and kyle started to nitpick him, actually care about him and start enforcing rules/curfews on him because no one else did, ike developed a rebellious streak and started to not like or listen to kyle because he was like, bro, whatever, you're so boring, it's one party, oh my god, just because you're boring doesn't mean i have to be!!!!

it's mostly just skin deep though, ike is only irritated because jerseykyle is mad overprotective, hard core and did not gentle parent him as an older brother at like, i shit you not fourteen, like i am so sorry but jerseykyle raised ike basically, and inspite of actin like a heartless monster...loves ike very, very much ( even if he can't say it ) and ike also loves kyle very much. jerseykyle is pretty much the only other person besides firkle, tricia, etc. ( i'll get into that in a diff ask ) that truly gave a shit about him and put weight behind his actions.

so jerseykyle is like ike's older brother/dad, rags on him about doing his homework and being an edgelord

( ike has been acting out a lot, one, because he's finally starting to come into his personality more, which, imo, my hc is that ike is p popular but mostly by accident sort of how stan was because he's pretty and very nice, ike is captain of the hockey team, his accent is cute, gets good grades ( he is slacking right now tho bc hes being edgy as hell ), is a lil skater boy gamer boy, IS V INTO TRUE CRIME, JOURNALISM AND ACTIVISM, creating positive change, exposing injustice, enjoys punk rock music, thinks emo boy stuff is neato,

IKE IS THEEEE DAWN SPAWN OF EVER AND I MEAN THAT, he is a raven of crimson dawn FAN BOY, he is obsessed; i mean that...and despite wanting to make waves in that way, like, he really is kind of an antisocial DORK but lots of girls like him, he gets invited to parties, firkle gets invited by proxy even though people think they are a crazy demonic satan worshiping freak of nature...but ike's super bestie, ofc...their relationship is also interesting...BUT YEAH! IKE! <333 )

also per rm canon, jers does miss ikes birthday every year bc going to south park triggers the fuck out of him which he feels very, very badly about, rags on him but is very pro ike doing what he wants to with reason of not acting like a goddamn FOOL and doing his laundry, his emo dirt bag phase is making kyle's eye twitch ooooof, him bleaching his hair and sticking a safety pin through his lip the second ravenstan walks through their front door while ravesey are secretly broken up and jk is extra mad at him; ITS A HOT MESS EXPRESS, Y'ALL!!!!

if you made it this far...i have to put the answer to the FIRST part of your question with all that dialogue in another ask so feel free to re-ask me that, but to reference it a little...ike is so team ravesey like it is actually painful, that is his ROMAN EMPIRE. firkle actually really does not like kyle bc they think he is lame as hell, help, and is anti-ravesey bc they think romance is a distraction,

( okay, spoiler, but firkle is in love with ike, ike does not know this, ike is super fkn oblivious and is actually very bi, so it's not like he's just not aware he is not straight, he just....actually has no idea, rip, he also has a crush on a girl in his class, it DOES make firkle want to actually dome themself to hear about it 25/8, stupid Feelings, smh, firkle b hating jersey and is lowkey a little jersey coded ) anyways they think kyle dating raven of crimson dawn is going to interfere with the band, their music, their sound and is a hater. like boooo! come on, FIRK! :/

BUT IKE IS A ROMANTIC!!! IKE IS THE JR. RAVESEY CAPTAIN!!!!

tldr; kyle and ike have a complicated relationship but love each other very much and ike does eventually learn about ravesey secret dating bc they are the brothers of ever and cannot hide shit from each other BUT I GOTTA PUT IT IN ANOTHER ASK, I AM SO SORRY, BABY, YOU GOTTA ASK ME AGAIN ABOUT THAT! but i hope this thrills you?

-uncle nina, ceo of insane hs isaac moisha broflovski lore